#Uhhh he's got swords and guns

[irl-batsignal]

Gen question. Why are ppl scared of Red Hood?

He's just a bit emotional, teen girl energy. He also died. was it twice he died?? I don't keep track

[theonetruegnome]

Who's this?

Guess what? @daydreamer36 and I Were talking the other day and though sheer brainpower we conceived an amazing writing idea. Pleas enjoy!

Conk-Out was absolutely exhausted. He had spent all night tossing and turning but only managed around 30 minutes of sleep. Right now, he was perched in the shaded boughs of a maple tree with his brow furrowed, trying desperately to fall asleep. The others were playing some sort of game, he didn't know what, he hadn't opened his eyes in a while. Occasionally he would hear some snippet of conversation, 'Have at ye!', 'En garde!', 'Great heavens!', so he assumed they were duelling. He forced open one heavy eyelid. Yep, they were sword fighting with sticks and branches. Sighing, he let his eye drop. He really did hate his irregular schedule, he could never properly play with his friends! It sucked! It wouldn't be so bad if he just slept all the time, it was not being able to sleep that was the annoying part. He could just never... get a proper...

'ZZZzzzz...'

'Conk?'

Suddenly Conk was awake and tense. He recognised that voice. The others had stopped mid-clash to look 'round at the source of the noise. Dandy pointed,

'What the hell is that?'

It looked like a large lilac bush that was wandering slowly towards them. Conk leapt from the high branch he was perched on and landed gracefully behind his friends.

'Conk what-' Dandy was interrupted when he roughly shoved past them with a muttered 'Sorry' and began running towards the bush.

'Conky!'

Noticing him, the bush sped up, waddling towards them with its arms outstretched. ...Wait, arms? Conk reached the bush and bent over slightly to embrace it while it wrapped its arms around his legs.

'Uhhh, has Conk gone insane?' 'Yeah, why's he hugging a bush?' 'Maybe he's finally gone clinically insane from sleep deprivation!' '*Sigh* I'll get the tranq' gun.' A minute later he turned around and walked back to the group with the bush in tow. As they got closer Dandy noticed something,

'Wait, that's a person!'

The others squinted at the strange thing; Dandy was right! The bush has a face, it's smiling and holding Conk's hand. He meanwhile looks drained, practically dead on his feet. As they get closer, the more distinguishing features of the smaller figure come into focus; A yellow beak, two small faded booties and a deep purple scarf that's too big for it, just like the one Conk pins his charm to. Finally, conk reaches them and sighs a very relieved sigh. 'Hi guys.'

Dandy begins whooping appreciatively. 'Well well well! Didn't know you had a girlfriend Conk! So, how'd you two meet?' Eli says, crossing his arms and smirking at him. '…Eli, that's not-' 'Oh come on Mana, it's obvious! The signs are all there: Her yelling his name, him running up to meet her, her wearing his clothes, that hug! Those are telltale signs of puppy love. No offence Munch.' 'None taken.' 'But Eli, she's not-' 'They're-'

'Guys, thanks, but I'll deal with it.' Conk turns to face Eli. 'Eli, I'm sorry, but she's not my girlfriend.'

Leah interjects, 'But then what- Ohhh!' She then eyes the girl nervously and begins fiddling with her camera.

Eli looks from her to Conk and frowns, but it is swiftly replaced by a look that screams 'yeah, right!' 'Conkerel, dude, there's nothing to be ashamed about, it's great that you're the first of us to get a date! But the problem is you being open with us, we gotta communicate more. We can start by you just admitting-' Conk holds his hand up for silence, 'Eli, for the last time, she's not my girlfriend,' 'Dude,-' 'Because she's my sister.' 'W-what?'

'She's my little sister. Say hi Cham.' 'Hello!'

I am so sorry, I know I've been working on this for a few days, but it's like midnight here, I have to travel in the morning and my eyes are so tired. Part two coming hopefully tomorrow!

[sometipsygnostalgic]

“Love Day”, a catradora fanfic

I was apprehensive about posting this, because it is a personal gift for @phosphoricbomb​! 

But here is Love Day which is a fic that I wrote in her dms from the very random brain thoughts in my head on February 14th. 

It’s the first fic I’ve posted in many months and my silliest yet. Enjoy! 

Adora was drinking a coca cola, her favourite drink, in the Bright Moon kitchen area. She was banned from the kitchen area, after her first and final attempts at cooking dinner for everyone. But nobody was around right now, so she could drink as much coke as she needed and feel only mildly guilty about it!

Suddenly, with a loud SPARK, a wild Glimmer appeared.

"ADORA!!"

Adora yelped and dropped her coca cola glass on the floor, spraying both her and Glimmer, who would've probably been pissed off if she wasn't already so stressed.

Glimmer grabbed her arms. "Adora... I NEED your help!!! I haven't figured out what I'm going to do for Bow on Love Day!!"

"Love Day?" said Adora. "What the hell is Love Day?"

Glimmer narrowed her eyes at Adora. "The annual Etherian holiday where you show the person most special to you that you appreciate them, through exchange of cards and gifts?"

"Aaaa???" Adora was suddenly panicking too. "Oh no, what? Is that today?"

"YES!!"

"But I haven't got anything for Catra! She's going to think I'm a terrible girlfriend and leave me forever!"

Glimmer shook Adora. "You can't be having a crisis about not getting anything, I'm having a crisis about not getting anything! Just get her... like... a squeaky toy, or your old hoodie!  I need ideas for Bow!!!"

"Um. Get him, uhh.." Adora scratched her chin. "Get him a guitar pick or something."

"Musical instruments? Eh, maybe. Okay well you're shit out of luck, BYE ADORA!!!"

"WAIT NO GLIMMER YOU HAVE TO HELP ME TOO---"

And Glimmer teleported out of the room, leaving Adora alone, to figure out what to do for Catra!!! Adora rushed through her own things to see if there was anything she could give to Catra. Ahah - A SWORD!! Wait no. Was Catra interested in swords? Or was that just something Adora was interested in. But having a sword is the COOLEST thing ever. Or was it only cool to Adora? Would Catra think Adora got a gift for herself? Well it was literally one of her own swords, so was it just a handaway? AaaaaaH!!! Why is this so hard!!!

Adora also looked through her old hoodies. Sure, Catra nuzzled up against them every time she got the opportunity. But was it really fair to give it as a Love Day gift? How all out were you supposed to go for this? In the Horde, sure, being given someone's old clothes was a dream come true!!! Catra wore Adora's old uniforms ALL the time. But these hoodies were ALREADY covered in Catra's fur, and Adora suspected that Catra preferred to steal her hoodies rather than actually own them.

Adora made her way back to the kitchen area, wondering if Catra would instead want to make food, when she bumped into Frosta and Sea Hawk! Adora processed the scene in front of her. Sea Hawk was throwing coal into the oven, like he was trying to power a steam engine.

"More... MORE!!!" Frosta yelled. The oven was burning up a storm, the fire inside probably heating up way past its normal limits.

On top of it, Adora could see several chunks of large metal.  They were being heated up by the gas burner.

"Uhhh.... what... is happening here?" she asked. "Are you, are you supposed to use it like that?"

Frosta laughed maniacally. "We are making GUNS!!!!"

"That's right", Sea Hawk replied cheerfully. "Frosta is helping me make a sniper rifle for sweet Mermista! She always wanted to be a secret assassin, and what better gift than to make her dreams come true!!"

"So is that why you're filling the oven with coal?" Adora asked.

"It's so that the fire on the stove burns HOT ENOUGH to MELT the METAL," said Sea Hawk, "so we can make the gun!"

"You do realise that the temperature of the bottom part doesn't... power the stove, right?"

"Hmm? That's nonsense", said Sea Hawk. "This is CLEARLY where the fuel goes--- Oh dear---"

The oven was starting to MELT from the inside, droplets of metal and paint pouring onto the floor, while the metal chunks at the top had barely heated up at all!

"YESSSSS" cried Frosta. "MORE FIRE!!!"

Adora, not wanting to get Super Banned from the kitchen, ran away before the fire alarm went off. There was no way any advice from Sea Hawk was going to help her make a gift from Catra, especially if they weren't actually able to make any guns for her.

Adora, starting to feel hopeless, wandered into the basement area. How was she going to explain things to Catra? "Sorry Catra, I found out Love Day existed like 5 minutes ago so I got you nothing, here's a hug!"?? She couldn't even make Catra some certified Fake Ration Biscuits now! She was CERTAIN that Catra was going to open another portal as soon as she realised Adora hadn't even thought to gift her anything.

She stepped on something--- and it YELPED, and scratched her leg! Actually no, it didn't scratch her leg, it deliberately drew a taser and gave her a quick zippity zap.

"Ouch!!"

She realised that what she had stepped on was a small robot kitten, which wandered away into the newly built Bright Moon Lab of Robots and Awesome Science, aka, BRIMOLRAS, which was a stupid name, but she wasn't going to argue with  Entrapta.

Adora entered the lab, and saw Scorpia talking to Entrapta animatedly, while she focused intensely on something.

".....so she told me that I looked really pretty in the earrings, and I said 'Thanks, they belonged to my aunt!', and she said 'I hope I can meet your aunt one day', and I said 'That's too bad, because she was murdered by the Horde 30 years ago!!', and I don't know why but that really killed the mood, but anyway, that's why I wanted to give her some earrings too. They're awesome right?"

Scorpia held up the earrings, which were warped copper rings that had incredibly ameteur attempts at what appeared to be wooden scorpions attached to them. One of the scorpions appeared to have a blob on its head and was smiling happily in the way you'd see in a small child's drawing. The other had a spiky head, and was a bit larger, but unfortunately its tail appeared to have snapped off.

Entrapta raised an eyebrow, before smiling. "I think Perfuma will wear them every day :D"

Hmm. Maybe Entrapta and Scorpia could help Adora sort something out for Catra?

The robot cat meowed loudly, and the pair looked up at Adora. "Hey," Adora started, "could I have help with--" The cat meowed loudly again. "Making a gift---" MEOW!!!

"SHUSH, CHEESOID" said Entrapta. "Sorry Adora, she gets like this when she doesnt have Electrical Robo Snacks. Scorpia could you feed some to her?"

"Oh - Got it!!!" Scorpia replied, upright and happily grabbing a thing. It dispensed glowing smaller thingies which the robot cat preyed upon like it was starving to death. Scorpia cooed over it and patted its head, and the cat hissed at her. This didn't stop her gooey eyes at "Cheesoid".

Adora coughed. "Anyway---"

"Are you here because you need help making a gift for Catra for Love Day because you didn't know it existed until just now?" said Entrapta, hair hand pointing up and a smirk on her face.

Adora was stunned but only for a moment because she was used to this bullshit from Entrapta. "Okay, yes."

"That's okay," said Entrapta. "At least four other people have approached me today with the same issue! Thirteen minutes ago, I was helping Glimmer repaint her gift for Bow. Then she warned me not to help Sea Hawk make any guns! I haven't spoken to Sea Hawk yet but I'm 50/50 on whether I will help him make guns."

"I don't know what I can give her :(" said Adora. "I've known Catra for so long, but... we only got together, a couple of months ago." She sat down on a nearby table, shoving aside a couple of grenades to make room.  "I want to make Catra feel important, like she is special to me. How can I do that if I won't even do anything on LOVE day of all things? And, maybe she'll be okay with it, but.... I won't be. I'm not fine with knowing I let her down." Adora sighed, and stared at the floor.

...A tendril of hair patted her on the head gently. "There there!"

Then Adora dared to look up, teary eyed, and saw Scorpia staring straight into her soul with the most sappy, almost tearful expression! "Ahh!!" Adora yelped. "Eye contact!!!"

She fell backwards off the chair, knocking over the grenades. Fortunately Entrapta caught them all, and had room to also catch Adora, pushing her back onto the table, where Scorpia gripped her arms determinedly.

"You care so much about Catra!!" Scorpia yelled.  "I'm so... You're so sweet!!" She started bawling and hugged Adora very hard. "I'm so... I'm sorry, I just have so many feelings right now! I used to feel the same way, but you know her so much better than I do. You're made for each other Q_Q" Scorpia continued crying, and Adora tried to resume breathing. Entrapta stopped what she was doing for a moment, rotating her chair and looking at them both.

"Maybe you can't think of anything to give Catra, because neither of you know what she likes yet?" she said. "I know that Scorpia and Hordak thought they hated kim chi stew, but the first time they tried it, they asked for it every night. Even with me cooking!"

Adora huffed, insofar as it was possible while being hug crushed. "We just... we've barely been able to do anything, I don't even know who I am anymore... I guess I'm still learning who Catra has become, what she likes."

"It's going to take a while", said Entrapta. "Fortunately, I ALREADY KNOW what Catra likes!!!"

Entrapta spinned on her chair and took out a couple of charts. Entrapta was able to maintain so many charts and make so many things in a short time that Adora was wondering if she was living in a parallel plane where time was slowed down.

"See, it says right here.... Catra likes the colours black and red, dangerous new weapons, and cuddling Adora. Underlined in three black lines. She REALLY LIKES cuddling Adora."

Adora blushed. "Wait does this mean a hug is a viable gift then?"

"After doing much research, I've concluded Love day is less about materials... and more about spending time with the people you care about!!! But a hug tends to be a free offering."  Entrapta was rotating slowly on the chair and Adora tried to turn with her so she could see the chart, and was getting dizzy. "Catra likes some material things, and some immaterial things. She loves Melog, who as a cat companion, is both cuddly AND a friend. But maybe she would like something that represents Adora directly, when Adora is not there? Or at least something to remind her of you." This talk was starting to break Adora's brain. Cuddly, a friend, and would remind her of Adora..? She watched the robot cat purring on the floor, Entrapta patting it on the head once again. Its grumpy deeanour reminded her of Catra and Melog. The difference is, the cat wasn't very fluffy, and wasn't that down for cuddles--

"AHAH!!!" A flash of inspiration went through Adora. "I got it!!!" She pried her way out of Scorpia's arms using She ra strength. Scorpia sniffed and wiped her nose. "Alright Entrapta", Adora continued, "Can I borrow... uhh.... some material, some sewing needles, and any amount of fluff you might have?"

"Oh the sewing needles are over there next to the chainsaw", said Entrapta. "But I'm all out of fluff and material, you can steal it from Glimmer's secret pillow armory."

"Great, THANKS." Adora ran out of the room, and then back in again. "By the way is that thing you're working on for Hordak?"

Entrapta looked up from where she had started welding again. "For Hordak? Oh, no. This is my own power suit. I haven't got anything for---" She snapped the mask up. "WAIT!!! I forgot to finish Hordak's gift!!! I only have two hours!" She grabbed Scorpia. "Please help. If I don't get Hordak a gift for Love Day, he'll be so sad---" Adora couldn't stay and hear Entrapta resolve her crisis, for she had work to do. She found Glimmer's secret Pillow Armory, which everyone stole pillows from regularly because they were the softest fluffiest pillows, and got to work!!!

Two hours later, everyone came together at dinner... which was a takeaway for Sea Hawk reasons... and began sharing their Love Day gifts.

Micah went first. He placed a bouquet of flowers in the middle of the table, Angella's favourite. Castaspella and Glimmer hugged him.

It was silent for a while. Then Netossa launched something at Spinerella with her net!!! Spinerella looked up and narrowed her eyes. "A code for Sea of Thieves? Really?" "Hell yes, said Netossa. "We haven't played together since your Xbox Gold expired. Season 7 is SOOO much better Spinny, we're going to sink so many people!"

Bow coughed nervously, bringing out his gift for Glimmer. "I got you... a new cloak?" 

It had a sparkly under layer like Glimmer's current cloak, but it was much warmer, with a fuzzy white collar sewed onto it. It was magnificient, the colours of the galaxy. Glimmer looked so... happy, almost tearfully, and teleported to Bow, hugging him instantly. "Oh-- I got you something too!" she said bashfully. Then Glimmer pulled out.... a SHIELD!!! It was wrapped in a bow. And it had Bow's face printed on it with a wink, in his own art. That was probably the secret work Entrapta helped with but while Adora was autistic she still knew it was a bad idea to tell the world how last minute Glimmer's gift idea was. "It's your SUPER HERO shield", said Glimmer. So... you're safe, while you're protecting people  🥺 ” And then he kissed her on the top of the head, and she hugged him. Hey Tippen, I DO write Glimbow sometimes! The gift giving continued. Swift Wind got a pair of sunglasses for Castaspella, which fit her well somehow. Adora didn't think they were dating but it wouldn't entirely surprise her.

Inexplicably, Sea Hawk gave Mermista a gun. It was a sniper rifle as promised. Mermista blushed, and looked away, muttering something before gifting Sea Hawk a small box, which he stared at with such wonder as he opened it. He didn't share what it was it with the group.

Scorpia gifted Perfuma the little earrings. Perfuma looked SO happy, but she didn't put them on. Then she gave Scorpia a medium sized box, which Scorpia opened. "Wow..." she said, "This is so..." She took something out. "This is Scorpion Sensitive Soap... I thought it didn't exist anymore! And here are a pair of fuzzy gloves and one for my tail--" She took out the gloves and put them on immediately, even though it was really warm. Scorpia looked fuzzier than ever.  "I.. You're the BEST, Perfuma!!" And then the pair cried very loudly and everyone smiled, and talked a bit more loudly as things continued. Hordak looked a bit downtrodden as Entrapta wasn't here yet, but she showed up suddenly, running around the corner. "I'M SORRY I'M LATE" she said, "I WAS STILL WORKING ON IT!!!" And then she dropped a fucking engine onto the table. Hordak's eyes went wide.

"This..." he said, "This is the engine from my designs to upgrade the starship..." "Yep!!" she grinned. "But.. we thought we couldn't stabilize the plutonium crystals necessary for the catalyst..." "All sorted!!!" He stared at her, in disbelief, then pulled something out of his pocket. Entrapta gasped. "Is that a data crystal?" "I heard it's Etherian tradition to give your partners a part of yourself. This necklace... is a response to the one that you gave me long ago." (A/N: It was less than a year ago.) Entrapta had an unreadable expression as she tried to plant the blue crystal in her chest, then remembered she didn't have a power suit on, and placed it around her neck. "Wanted..."

They hugged, it was nice. Tipsy Adora thought it was very cute that Entrapta and Hordak seemed to have found someone who understands them. Catra had been watching events unfold while seated next to Adora, and grabbed her hand, stroking softly. Adora was flustered, and nervous as hell, but now she realised it was time.

She turned around and faced Catra.  And was stunned. She stared at Catra's beautiful face for about sixteen seconds before Catra stammered. "Uh. Hi Adora!" she said, tail flicking and a smirk on her face, amused and intimidated by Adora's behaviour.

Adora blinked. "H... Hi Catra."

Glimmer rolled her eyes. "Disaster lesbians." Spinny and netossa nodded in agreement. Entrapta was counting the seconds, verbally, that it took for Adora to continue. Scorpia was holding her breath, which couldn't be healthy. Bow was just gazing with his Bow face like he was going to start crying and hugging everyone again, which is happening a lot in this fic, but that's what you get when you're gay and sappy and writing a valentines day crack fic for your girlfriend.

"Mm-hmm!" Adora coughed. "So. Catra. I... I've known you for a very long time... and we've changed a lot over the course of that time... and I guess..." Adora sighed. "I guess, I'm starting to realise, I'm still learning about you. And now we've escaped the Horde, now we have ROOM to enjoy life... I have such a hard time figuring out what it is you like, or what even I like! Which is scary... but at the sametime.... kind of exciting. "

Catra's eyes were dilated and her tail had moved around her legs. Adora continued.

"I think, I know enough about you.... to say that for whatever reason, you like me. And I like you. So I thought maybe you'd appreciate it if you had something, that made you think of me."

She blushed and revealed, from behind.... a golden retriever toy! Or at least, that is what it was supposed to be. Some parts of its fur were less fluffy than others and its eyes were mismatched, but they were blue buttons, with black and white dots pained on them. It was so very cuddly and kind of fat. "I know it's not really useful like some other people's gifts... and you haven't asked for a cuddly toy... but I thought, you should know it's made with a lot of love."

Catra took the toy, and Adora waited for her reaction. She wondered if Catra was going to divorce her for such a shoddy gift, especially compared to Mermista's gun and Hordak's radioactive engine that he and Entrapta were now taking out of the room after much begging from Bow.

Catra laughed. She fucking laughed! But after a few seconds of wishing she was dead, Adora realised that Catra was crying. It was a happy laugh. Catra gave adora a hug, kissed her on the cheek, and talked in her ear. "You dummy. Of course you don't know what I want. I never tell you!!!"

Catra drew away, while Adora was enchanted. Catra was smiling peacefully, but then realised she was surrouned by people, and was blushing and looking away a lot like Mermista, as she took out Adora's gift. It was wrapped in several pieces of newspaper and tape.

"Here", she said. "Take it before I change my mind."

Adora unwrapped the gift... it was...... A cuddly cat. No, not just any cat - A Catra! It was a small cuddly Catra, on all fours with cartoonish proportions, like a very chibi Cat. Some parts of the fur were off colour - it seemed Glimmer's Pillow Armory had seen a lot of theft as of late - and it was slightly smaller than Adora's Adoretriever. But it was so funny. Adora giggled, she couldn't help herself, and Catra smiled.

"I thought the exact same thing", said Catra. "Now I'm with you forever whether you like it or not."

She picked Adora up, then realised Adora was too heavy to pick up, so Adora picked her up instead, and they kissed and hugged.

Why did Catra always have to be so cute?

The end!

And this is the fanart I drew to accompany it :)

[blupengu]

Okay, I thought Le Salut emotionally devastated me? Wrong. Weak sauce. I think I inadvertently went in order from happiest to most depressing salvation ending oops…💀

Big fat spoilers for everyone’s salvation ends under the cut!! I’ll add the order I did them in first in case somehow someone finds this and is curious but hasn’t done them all yet

Just wanna say though, thank you Virche Evermore for gifting us with not one, not two, but FIVE(!) long-haired boys, god damn! I would like to shake Yomi’s hand because the art and character designs are so *chef’s kiss,* long-haired anime boys are superior 😂

Also random aside, the first few notes of the salvation theme before the piano comes in gives me such……… indescribable feelings? That underlying dissonance fills me with like such a desperate but forlorn desire to go back to simpler, happier times before the melody becomes more hopeful 😂 (this might be a weird pull, but it gives me Giygas theme prayer for safety vibes from Earthbound 👀)

Adolphe -> Mathis -> Scien -> Yves -> Lucas (yes I saved him for last because I am a Lucas simp I admit it. I saw some comments say it was uhhh not the happiest ending LOL but the heart wants what the heart wants 💀) Boy this is gonna be a LONG post

Adolphe

Love things being solved with guns lmfaooo, guess we’ll go by each scene that the game goes through. Also since I forgot to mention this in my Le Salut rant, I LOVE all of Ankou’s CGs, he is so pretty! The very first one you get stopping Ceres from killing herself? Impeccable. When Adolphe’s pointing a sword at him while his hair’s blowing in the wind? Show-stopping. Him eating the lycoris? Peak *I saw a man so beautiful I started crying* 😩

LUCAS AND NADIA ARE ALIVE! NADIA IS RECOVERING!! LUCAS IS GOING TO THERAPY!!! As mad as I am that ankou died, this is the best timeline oh my gosh the way I (˶‾᷄ ⁻̫ ‾᷅˵) when I heard Nadia, the relief I felt for these two blonde bitches y’all…

LMAO JEAN. Oh my evil hot butler being forced to take care of a baby as his punishment is so *chef’s kiss,* scien has wonderful ideas, I desperately want fan art of this 😂 ah… they did say Rosalie was pregnant though when she was killed, didn’t they… oh now it hurts a little more… I hope he, Mathis, and the kid become a loving family 😔

What the FUCK Yves eating the lycoris bulbs coming in clutch though??? And Hugo still being an A+ Yvesexual I approve 😌

Scien is the BIGGEST mvp though in practically every route my god

This was such like a nice, tight little bow to put at the end of what I guess is the true route? But I love it because all our boys are happy (Ripperoni ankou 🫡)

Mathis

Sweet baby boy, too good for this world… Dahut why tf are you blowing shit up in his route this don’t involve you go away 😂 (still love him though…)

Oh… OH. Mathis was ACTUALLY baby…?? o_o (kinda 😬 how Jean got the cells but uh, let’s ignore that shall we?) Rosalie, Camille, Mathis happy family AU when??? Aaaw Jean did care about Mathis deep down TT_TT (like waaaay deep down), and thank you Scien again as always.

Lmao Ankou’s just casually showing up like, “here take these sweets, it’s made of my blood! Haha no of course I’m joking it’s just normal candy” 👀 Not much else to say about this end, it was cute! I’m glad at least one character got a real happy ending 😌

Scien

Bruh I forgot how disrespectful Scien is to everybody lmaooo, guess we back to sandwich dispenser… I’m glad Dahut’s our friend in this route though!

SALOME WHAT THE FUCK! Oh bruh hell nah, she did not just do that I stg… oh bitch she really killed Dahut huh. YOU JUST KILLED YOUR SON!! GIRL, THIS MAKES ME MAD AF 💀 (this also made me realize they share the same bang style 😭)

Not much else to say about this one either, I’m glad it’s happy (other than Dahut… and they’re never gonna find out about that, huh… ಠ_ಠ), and looks like the kiss CG’s improved! 😂

Yves

Bruh Yves needs therapy so bad, he’s such a good boy though 😂 Ngl his full name is kinda sick, Yves Noirge, guardian of the Lycoris, named after the flowers of misfortune? That goes hard af

Please… please give her the Magic science juice first so you don’t die before you get to her… no? Aight then I guess the power of love stopped you from dropping dead LOL (this kiss CG was also pretty nice! Hooray the artist has improved 😂)

Cannot believe they put in the effort to change Scien’s sprite so he’s missing an arm though lmao, and Ankou just kinda showing up to solve problems is always great

Y’all Yves and Ceres are so mentally I’ll for each other… and two kiss CGs!! They really saved the nice ones for the end huh 😂 Good for Yves! It’s not a super happy ending, but at the very least things are hopeful, and that’s all I can really ask for in this game…

Lucas

I am. Upset. I miss when all we had to worry about was the cage 😂

*internal screaming* Boy oh boy this one absolutely wrecked my shit. When I looked at the flow chart and realized it would split off AFTER Nadia and the killing spree… 😬 like bitch I don’t wanna go through this again 💀 okay okay though, this one’s definitely gonna be long (sorry in advance), I guess I’ll just tackle the scenes chronologically:

Seeing Dahut hiding from Lucas really just made me shout “LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!” at my TV now knowing what we know lmao, but also… why was he unsure about Capucine’s involvement…? Like he knew Capucine was Ortie and he must’ve known that Capucine was running the hospital Nadia was in… also knew he was abusing Lucas and doing fucked up human experimentation, Dahut so why are you surprised??? I would’ve pulled Nadia out if there the second I became friends with her, a huge chunk of this is your fault 😭

But bruh… this is not a salvation end… it’s a despair end with more CGs and trying-to-talk-with-a-slit-throat-while-coughing-up-blood ASMR wtf 💀

(Poor Lucas saying “I can’t do this anymore” was so relatable lmao sweetie the game is doing you so dirty I am so sorry, like oh my god make the pain stop… what do you mean it’s only gonna get worse?!)

I am glad though that even though we stabbed our boy in the throat we are still going after Capucine’s ass together! Seeing him scared was so satisfying aah, GET FUCKED CAPUCINE HELL YEAH YOU BETTER BE AFRAID BITCH!! Even with 0 pints of blood, Lucas is still kicking down doors and kicking ass, what a king 👑 the man must be leaking everywhere (like sir we cut an artery, there must be a fountain coming out of you), love the “man too angry to die” vibes 😌

Bruh the siblings face to face is so fucked. Was not expecting Dahut to have already been there and playing dead though! Even though you’re kinda the reason Lucas and Nadia’s lives got so fucked, I’m glad you helped in the end 😌 get fucked (again) Capucine!! I’m very glad Nadia was the one to claw the shit out of that garbage man 🔥💯

Aha, the touching sibling reunion is SO super duper fucked 😭 they did not have to describe how Nadia can feel the other body parts and how much it hurts… like Jesus fucking Christ honey I am so sorry you’re in this game, this is too much suffering for such a sweet character 😩

God I am so absolutely devastated, his dying CG was pretty at least… ಥ_ಥ this ain’t fair though y’all… what is this injustice for Lucas?? Like this is some Shakespearean tragedy bullshit… Whoever decided his gravestone CG needed THREE variations is sadistic lmao 😭

My crops are dying, my skin is dry, everything is pain… I guess all we can really do is take some solace in the fact that he gets a happy ending with Nadia in Le Salut…

I don’t think the salvation theme music ever even played???? I also realized this motherfucker’s been wearing high heels the whole time while on his murderous rampage??? WORK BITCH damn 💅

Phew this rant for just Lucas probably could’ve been its own post honestly lmao but oh well, the man changed my brain chemistry… guess it’s time to pray for the FD to be localized. Please our lord and savior Scien, let it be soon, Lucas deserves so much better than what he got 😭

Well guess that’s it for my rambling posts about virche evermore!! This game was a wild ride from start to finish and I loved it, time to make shitty memes to cure my brain rot (sorry if this post was incomprehensible LOL)

[thecrimsonrocketeer]

Also, don’t get me wrong i think Percy is super cool with his swanky coat and dope pistol and whatnot but uhhh… does he become useful again at some point?

Like Pike, Scanlan and Keyleth stay useful with their magic that always has its uses

Grog got a powerful sword (albeit an evil one) and by god he was fucking up that dragon

Vax got a cool new armor set and super speed powers

Vex has both herself and trinket and earlier used her connections to get into the slayers take

But Percy? So far he’s not done really anything (besides get vex killed). And is his gun going to get an upgrade or something because so far almost every fight has seemed like “Don’t worry guys I’ll try shooting them that’s a good trick!*doesn’t work*oh no who could’ve seen that coming!?” And I know they were evil and had to go for the character to grow but… goddamn the smoke powers and plague mask were really cool.

So as someone who hasn’t seen the live sessions, does it get better for my boy Percy?

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

Rio x hazbin hotel

Eduardo aka blue father in law went into hell. In this crossover his not a bird but human, and he hated going to happy hotel. Meeting with the insufferable Disney princess

Eduardo : Oh it's a problem for me being mean to blue but it's ok to murder people?

Charlie : Yes😃😃😃😃

Eduardo : 😨😨😨😨ARE YOU OF YOUR MIND?

Charlie : No beside angel and alastor have very rough life

Sir pentious : DAMMIT, sorry princess

Charlie : It's ok pentious

Niffty : I almost lucky but it's ok i get another human meat

Angel dust : Niffty did you see my gun?

Vaggie : And my sword too

Alastor : What an interesting guest!

Charlie : Al just in time. I want you to meet with Eduardo. Alastor this is Eduardo and Eduardo this is al

Cherri Bomb : HOLY SHIT Pentious that's kinda cool

Sir pentious : Miss cherri please don't disturb me that's one of my fail experiment

Cherri Bomb : I got tons of bomb

Alastor : That new guess look so delicious but i'm busy so probably next time

Eduardo : Uhhhh WHAT😨😨😨😨😨?

Charlie : Don't worry i can assure you Al is not gonna eat you alive atleast for 50%. Ok let's get started with your redemption program

Eduardo : Uhhh please i'm better than those people

Charlie : Say that again?

Eduardo : i'm better than them?

Charlie : You know you are loved by your people but those who live in this hotel they just like blue. They don't being loved by their own people they are outcast they had rough life. I know they kill people but can you cut them some slack?

Eduardo : CUT SOME SLACK? THEY KILL PEOPLE THEY DEFINITELY ARE WORSE THAN M-

CHARLIE : INTERUPPTING ME AGAIN I DARE YOU. INTERUPPTING ME AGAI I FUCKING DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU BITCH. You are a bully that is much worse than a killer atleast they kill people and admit their sin unlike you

Eduardo : Ok ok i get it

Charlie : Good if you want to stay here follow the rules

Eduardo : Vaggie is that your named?

Vaggie : Yeah

Eduardo : Is she crazy?

Vaggie : What do you think?

Eduardo : I don't know

Vaggie : Look i was lucky enough Charlie help me. Yes she seem very unhinged which is true but i can tell she is not evil

Eduardo : How many people you kill?

Vaggie : 2500 i think

Eduardo : That's just great. She think i'mthe biggest piece of shit BUT HEAVEN FORBID SERIAL MURDER AND KILLER ARE MUCH REDEEMABLE

Vaggie : Sorry i can't help you with anything

Yep

[who-is-shades]

raz dnd 25

last time uhhh bye teya :(

awkward silence as they walk. android is just steaming in rage. kay is listening in since teya is gone lol.

walking for hours and we hear something stommping? here comes a giant metal beast made of random bot parts and peoples bodies strapped to it? already dead lol.

parsley and wheatley are so fucking tired lol here we go again. roll initiative!

android is pissed and just starts shooting at it. parsley hurls his axe at its head and hurls the other one then uses rage. wheatley uses heat metal. the creature attacks! it opens its mouth and fires out gas! senna is paralyzed! it attacks zen! but zen dodges nice. zen attacks! good job and he paralyzes it! senna unparalyzes herself nice but that uses her turn fuck.

android just keeps shooting. parsley yeets his javelin then misses his sword stab. wheatley uses branding smite on his gun nice. the beast is paralyzed lol. zen punches it nice. senna uses witchbolt nice. the beast falls apart!

parsley goes to collect his weapons. senna starts removing the organics bodies and parsley begins pulling it apart. it looks welded together. old circuits and one of those soul jars in it. parsley manages to take it out! wheatley gives him a thunbs up. senna tells him to break it. 'on it boss.' he flies up and yeets it at the ground. good job.

senna finishes removing the bodies. she inquires their souls were used in that power jar, and hes trying to control organics the same way he controls robots. (cave johnson is william afton) zen sighs and says its camp time, cause were all just tired. long rest!

we continue! nothing happens, more awkward hours. wheatley holds sennas hand this time. parsley carries SP. we come to a clearing in the woods. theres an abandoned building, looks like one from the time bubble but its ancient. an old outpost? wheatley drags senna with him toward it. he thinks its a mimic hes so sick of it lol.

its covered in foliage. its mostly empty with some panels. racks on the walls with robot bits, super rusty. wheatley ponders how he missed these things for 800 years. wheatley taps on the consoles but nothing happens. android finds a more intact screen and taps away and it flickers.

senna opens a door and inside is a stock of weapons. old, rusty, and broken. she goes to open the other door. a big metal table with a big old map with specific points on it. she picks up their current spot on the map. outpost map nice. she calls out and tells them.

zen comes in to check the map. he compares it to his projection. most are out of the way but 2 of them are on the path their taking. they'll talk about it at camp, since those might be too dangerous. he puts the pins on his map.

androids tablet turns on and displays files! theres an introduction file. goddamn cave johnson aperture sound lol. they can hear zorbolts voice. parsley walks in to hear this. senna comes in cause she hears parsley. zorbolt explaining the outpost, prepping for invasion. sleeping quarters down below for handlers. then its over.

wheatley asks if theres more files. theres a crackle of blue energy! theres a big flash of light! its spingledorf jingles crust. teya sent him? oh he brought teya!? shes dressed like a witch. spingledorf gave it to her and a magical broom lol. space core makes happy beeping noises and wheels over. wheatley looks distrustful. 'you chose to forget us. to leave them behind.'

android starts trudging over very pissed. she didnt wanna forget us. he punches her in the stomach ouch. 'yep deserved that one.' he walks away. zen gives her a big hug awww. 'am i allowed to just join back up?' wheatley says she chose to leave us behind. 'i couldnt do it.'

parsley asks if she got it out of her system. 'fuck you.' 'yep, there she is.' 'damn make up your damn mind.' 'want me to leave again?' 'that would be kinda funny.' sunnie convinced her to return? wheatley brightens up at that lol. sunnie read her journal xD wheatley says its gonna be a long time before he can trust her again. shes hopeful though.

senna slowly walks over and asks zen to put teya down. she just stares at her for a while. she slowly takes teyas hands and kisses her forehead. 'welcome back teya.' senna is holding back her tears a bit. (is she not mad? hmm) 'hey parsley. missed you.' 'fuck off!'

zen glows yellow again. he was just about to send bots to her lol. shes got lots of people to protect now. hes pissed, so many lives are in danger when she left. she just didnt see herself at able too. but he chose her. shes not alone. he says if she decides to jump again he will take her memory immediately. teya wants everyone to agree to let her in. android grumbles but allows it lol. wheatley says teya's negative talk is what made her leave the first time.

zen is back to normal and he hugs teya again lol. wheatley walks over and looks at her complicated. 'please dont leave me behind.' then he hugs her awww. then he tells her about the videos. gotta find the bunker. android slams on the floor and opens a hatch. now they wanna know wtf a video is lol android vaguely explains it. he gives up lol. wheatley explains it better.

wheatley wants to plug into the fucking tablets and project his memories oh no. senna talks him out but now hes trying to project with his eye. he finds one from when he woke up. waking up in a field of wheat.

back to the tablet video files. 1 more file, the others are corrupted. Plan of attack oh no. its asking for a password. android cant get in darn. parsley shoves wheatley over and asks him to try. he wouldnt know he was cannon fodder xD android gets it though lol. it was his name.

a map projection. army formations. outposts attacking certain kingdoms and projections of the areas. one with a giant wheat field in the background. its the closest to Novis. capture people or kill them if they fight back. bring back damaged bots for repair. wheatley is disgusted what he was made for. but he did fight wars after waking up.

senna goes down the hatch. parsley and wheatley follow. theres skeletons. parsley lights his torch. teya wants to put the skeletons in the token lol. dorf finally speaks up lol. no one cares teya wants the bones lol. wheatley asks if she can speak with dead but she cant.

teya stores 7 skeletons in her token nice. wheatley wont give her back the sending stone though. he squints and slowly hands it back when she says shes not going anywhere. teya suddenly gets launched at the ceiling lol. dorf says the broom is temperamental. then wheatley says he doesnt like spingledorf DX

parsley keeps lying that he missed teya and gets hurt lol. time to leave. wheatley is upset he isnt sp's favorite, its teya lol. senna thanks dorf for bringing teya back. time to go! 'may the wind be at your back spingledorf.' he disappears. wheatley fucking says he hopes he never comes back the bastard. parsley says senna has bad taste cause she likes dorf and is dating teya lol she hits him.

back in the woods! senna tells teya about the beast robot and the god juice stuff lol. zen says robotgod used the wards to understand the evil stuff and made better wards for them nice. as we walk teya gets pulled into the ground lol that broom is a dick. senna tries to lift her and the broom shoves teya right into her. senna is gonna try carrying her lol. the broom is tugging her backwards lol. teya threatens to put the broom in the token lol. gonna keep carrying her.

SP is doing donuts around them shouting about the broom lol. after hours we find a big plain. we see a giant structure in the distance. old crumbling walls its huge. a small kingdom? the road we follow doesnt go there but there is an old path that does. zen says we can go yay!

the grass is long. parsley and sp are too short lol. wheatley sees something in the grass. its an old rusted bot missing parts! wheatley covers sp's cameras. he asks parsley to take SP. senna asks if hes ok. he shoots a bolt directly into its head making sure the processor is destroyed. he wont let them get back up. zen says it wasnt necessary, its gone.

zen pulls out a scanner. its the battlefield. wheatley looks ill. the drone finds something! one of the bots isnt as damaged. time to go find it. parsley is still on babysitting duty. wheatley is pulling out some rope. we find a rusted but good condition bot. senna offers to tie it up for wheatley. gotta be careful and all that. we yank it from the ground cause its stuck. tie it up nice.

the switch is already on. oh. he turns it off and on. nothing happens. god shows up to help! its still affected when god turned them off. wheatley has us move out of the way. (rick portal lol) wheatley is checking him out. he asks about the war. wheatley asks android for help. android feels uh complicated. he does explain tho.

he can feel things! his mind is free! yay! no more control! but his purpose is gone. wheatley tells him he can pick his own. and god can help him if he wants. hes got nothing else going on so wheatley unties and helps him up. very rusty. wheatley hugs him lol. they talk about their handlers. rick asks wheatley his designation. its just wheatley now.

meanwhile senna and teya talk about war. and teya pisses off parsley about treating kids like pets lol now senna is trying to message him.

rick says he wouldve been on the frontline if he hadnt been shut off. wheatley wishes him the best. he introduces us to him nice. protecting us is his purpose ;-; rick can make his own choices! he introduces himself to us. senna shakes his hand. he registers her in his database lol. teya also greets him. a milipede falls off him and lands on teya lol. wheatley takes it off.

parsley tries to find us lol. wheatley pings him. rick has an alarm he thinks parsley is attacking and tries to tackle down but just falls over. wheatley introduces parsley lol. senna and wheatley pick him back up. Parsley hands SP back to wheatley and rick registers that fairies can fly. he gets to meet sp nice. robotgod grabs him and clears up the rust. he registers him as my lord lol.

rick is accessing old files. he knows god cool. he can access files easily, they are mostly undamaged. rick says wheatley can have files imported. androidis in his files ooo. wheatley corrects rick on the name. rick says it may be best to delete the corrupted files but says he can do what he wants.

[noodleblade]

im obsessing over the sg!simpatico au, please write something about them first meeting!

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG but I hope you like it. I had a lot of fun writing it and uhhh got temporarily obsessed with the idea of Brainstorm ripping apart other mechs to make guns:3 thanks for the request and keeping this au alive in my dumb brain!

Here's the AO3 Link Enjoy!!!:)

Brainstorm held his helm high and wings wide as he heard the approaching ship engage its landing protocols. Checking his chronometer, he grinned in delight in seeing they had arrived exactly on time, right down to the nanoklik. Then again, Brainstorm expected no less from his esteemed business partners. Even if their meetup was in the desolate remains of a once prosperous sector of Iacon.

The location had been Brainstorm’s choosing, down to the very coordinates of the cracked dais in which he stood. The rundown shell of a building had once served as a courthouse which was perfect - optimal exit points, discrete, isolated and completely off Decepticon radar -and his associates had made no opposition to it in the midst of their brief correspondences. If anything Brainstorm had hoped they would appreciate that humor behind conducting seedy business in a place of law and order.

Clearly there was some opposition as six mechs entered the shambling building, displeasure evident on their faceplates…or lack thereof for some. The monstrous visage of their leader should have been intimidating but Brainstorm had done his research ahead of time. Ultra Magnus, while a terrible, horrible force to be reckoned with, needed him and his weapons more than he needed another dead mech for his extensive rap sheet. If his meeting location warranted enough offense to be put on his hit list, at least Brainstorm could relax in knowing he was very, very far down on it. 

Brainstorm smiled behind the blast mask, extending his servo to the display of weapons before him. He did a little bow but it didn’t garner much of a reaction as the six mech looked at him wearily. Very well, leave it to him to provide some common courtesy . 

“Hello, my good mechs! I hope you had no trouble getting here. Horrible weather these days.” One of the mechs, crimson and with a quiet, unsettling field let out a small chuckle.  “Are you ready to get down to business?” Time was money and while Brainstorm may like to dally and leisurely conduct business, he knew Ultra Magnus would appreciate a curt and swift transaction. 

“Right down to it. Not one for small talk, eh?” a purple mech beside Ultra Magnus asked. Brainstorm caught the glimpse of a hideous facial mod surrounding his lip plates before Ultra Magnus cracked his servo on the other’s helm and he ducked back. “ Ow, Mags . Watch it!”

“You,” Ultra Magnus snarled low and thunderous, “are going to keep quiet or maybe you want to visit Ratchet again.”

The purple mech bulked but kept quiet, though not without pouting and turning away. There were some huffed laughs from the rest of their companions: the crimson mech from before with a greatsword strapped to his back and two twin speedsters in opposing colors. Hanging near the entrance, Brainstorm hardly noticed the last of their entourage. Leaned up against one of the massive doors stood a quiet black and red mech with a piercing yellow optic and an impressive shoulder mounted scope. 

“Take your pick and be quick,” Ultra Magnus directed, though he remained close to the mouthy purple mech, practically leading him by the scruff to look at the display Brainstorm had set up for them. The rest followed suit, gravitating towards the various weapon selections.

Brainstorm watched with glee as the red mech surveyed his selection of blades. While none were quite as grand as the sword he carried, they were unique in their design. Each blade was hand forged, the metal warped and twisted to make sure the bearer could inflict optimal devastation, depending on the destruction the mech wished to cause: slashing, piercing, poisoning. Was the intention to hack and slash in vicious, heavy cuts or to stab between the armored plating at the vulnerable protoform? He even had blades that burst into flames in a glorious display of pyrotechnics. Brainstorm had a blade to serve every need. 

The twin speedsters gravitated for the array of small blasters. While he kept his smile congenial and field polite, he couldn’t help wanting to roll his optics. The blasters were rather mundane . Yes, he had modified them to increase the firing rate and blast damage radius; each one had been personally taken apart and put back together in order to pack as much punch as the small gun could. They just simply lacked gusto. There was no oomph, no panache; the artistry in even the simple blaster was missed as the speedster didn’t even bother to look at ones that would compliment their finish. An utter waste of his talents, though he couldn’t say he was surprised that simple minded mechs like them would take to the equally simple blasters.

Ultra Magnus, with the disruptive purple mech in tow, looked through the larger, heavy duty arsenal. Now these were Brainstorm’s pride and joy. Much like the smaller blasters, their larger counterparts had been individually worked on with his own two servos. However, unlike their smaller mimics, they did more than simply fire a set of rounds. No, each had been crafted in the image of the very mech’s he scavenged the parts from. 

The purple mech reached for one of the guns and Brainstorm couldn’t think of a better weapon to match the flame decals of his frame. The Dead End: a double barrelled shotgun. While the limited range was not something Brainstorm had felt the need to tamper with, the devastation it reigned in its minimal blast distance had only been enhanced when he took the aforementioned mech’s fuel injector. All it took was just a little tweaking to allow for atomizing more than fuel, resulting in a truly explosive, fiery explosion. Brainstorm had then spent an entire cycle meticulously painting the flames of the fallen Decepitcon onto the weapon made from his parts. Truly a masterpiece. 

Ultra Magnus hummed a noise of approval at the mech’s choice, selecting The Mixer for himself. Brainstorm truly enjoyed the creation of this one, particularly Mixmaster’s highly armored drum making the perfect ammo clip for the fission ammunition he had created. Normally, the bullets were too unstable, the nuclear reactions unable to be contained, but Mixmaster’s drum had been able to withstand it allowing the weapon to truly flourish to its full terrible potential. 

Happy with their selections, Brainstorm’s optics swept to the quiet mech in the back, still hanging by the entrance of the building and appearing uninterested in even looking at his wares. Agitation coiled in his tanks and he couldn’t help but make his way over to see who had the audacity to not even look at his creations. They were works of art, one of a kind, and the disinterest was an insult he could not tolerate. 

Immediately yellow optics were on him, a neutral face watching passively as he approached. 

“Not interested?” Brainstorm hissed lowly, glancing between the mech before him and the array of weapons he’d brought on display. “‘Thought the big mech said to choose.”

A nanoklik passed as the mech simply watched him, optics scanning up and down his frame as if he could see past the armored plating and down his protoform. Brainstorm refused to wither under the sharp gaze, holding himself tall with his wings spread out. Open and exposed. 

“I already have a weapon suited for me. I need not look any further.” A ghost of a smile flashed across the mech's face. “Especially not one of your abominations.”

It was slung as an insult but Brainstorm only hummed appreciatively. “I’m sure whatever you are carrying cannot compete with my abominations .”

“Probably,” the mech agreed cordially. There was no slight in his tone. “Though when it comes to acts of war, is it not skill that triumphs?”

Primus, he’s full of himself.

“And are you? That skilled?”

The mech simply shrugged. “Ultra Magnus doesn’t take incompetency well. That’s why Rodimus- despite being, well, Rodimus - is still his right hand man.”

Brainstorm looked back at the purple mech- Rodimus . Evidently he already forgot his orders of silence and was speaking again, lip plates moving as he gestured to the gun in his servos. Ultra Magnus didn’t seem particularly keen on listening but made no moves to silence him further. 

“So what? Are you all competent ?” Brainstorm asked, dropping his voice to a salacious whisper. 

The mech only raised an optic ridge at him as if that line of questioning didn’t deserve a response. 

A silence hung over them for a moment. Brainstorm took the moment to really scan the mech before him, distantly noting the sniper rifle slung across his back but more interested in the scope mounted on his shoulder. For a sniper, the tactile use was endless. Should this mech ever wind up offline on a battlefield, Brainstorm would love to get his servos on that scope, rip apart the mounting and casing to get to the inner components. He wondering how many programs the mech had hardwired to his processor, how many applications his scope held-

“My alt form is a microscope.”

Brainstorm blinked, cocking his helm to the side. “What?”

“You were staring. I figured you were having difficulty piecing it together.”

Brainstorm sneered, letting out a low chuckle. “I was actually wondering how I’d take you apart for scraps.” The mech didn’t seem off put by this so he continued. “Seems like a wasted alt mode for a sniper.” While the scope had its uses, Brainstorm would have figured a more mobile alt would be far more useful for his line of work. 

“Not a waste, simply a bonus,” the mech said. “My primary occupation benefits greatly.”

“What? Being a wrecker is a side hustle?”

“Precisely. My skill set is better suited for a laboratory setting.”

Now Brainstorm was full on laughing. “You’re a scientist?”

“That surprises you? A ruthless scavenger veneer covering up a brilliant munitionist.”

“Brilliant?” Brainstorm latched into the word viciously, wings fluttering delighted. 

The mech rolled his optics. “Your reputation speaks for itself. Abominations, they may be, but wickedly so.” With a nod of his helm, Brainstorm brought his attention back towards the rest of the crew Ultra Magnus brought. The red swordwielder seemed to have made a selection and had drifted over to his leader and the mouthy second. The two twins were still scouring through the nearly identical blasters. 

“Yet you don’t want one.”

“You are heedlessly taking this as a slight.”

Brainstorm clamped his mouth shut. There was no point in arguing further, not when he was the only one getting ruffled. The other mech didn’t seem the least bit interested in the conversation but Brainstorm couldn’t help but continue to pry. 

“Designation?” Brainstorm asked. “Never caught it.”

“Never gave it,” came the immediate response. However, barely a second passed before he said, “Perceptor.”

Brainstorm blinked, whipping his helm back to look at the mech. 

No way . 

“Perceptor? Like The Perceptor? The Perceptor who wrote the thesis on harnessing and manipulating antimatter? The Perceptor that infamously solved the Icosahedron Parable? The Perceptor’s whose findings were the foundation of quantum mechanical skipping and temporal leaping?” Brainstorm felt his spark spinning rapidly, wings fluttering excitedly at his back. 

“I didn’t realize you had heard of me.”

Brainstorm probably should have taken his weariness as a hint to ease off the pedal, but he was never one who operated in half ways and in betweens. It was all or nothing. Full throttle always. 

“I’ve read your papers.” All of them. Every single one. 

“A fan?”

“An admirer,” Brainstorm corrected, beaming. “I can’t tell you how many of your theories I’ve set out to prove wrong only to discover something new along the way.”

Perceptor raised an optic ridge. “Well? Have you proven me wrong?”

“Not yet,” Brainstorm shrugged, leaning closer. “But there is time for that later. We should exchange notes. Meet privately. I want to pick you apart.”

“Not for scraps, I hope.” 

It was a weak joke at best but Brainstorm couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled from his intake. Brainstorm felt light-helm, the ground beneath him shifting ever so slightly. Brainstorm was not used to admiration and even cordial pleasantries and to receive them from a mech he held in such esteem as Perceptor , well, his spark was aflutter in sheer disbelief. 

“Not any time soon,” Brainstorm murmured. “It’d be a waste to lose a mind like yours so soon.”

Perceptor looked surprised by such flattery and Brainstorm decided immediately, he must make it his mission to dote on the scientist at whatever cost. A mech like Perceptor should be treasured, coveted, doted on and admired.

“You speak too highly.”

“Only the truth. After all, with our processors combined, we could create truly beautiful chaos.”

“That’s…an intriguing proposition.”

“Would you consider it?” Brainstorm rushed to ask, holding his ventilations at bay lest he disturb the fragile bubble around them.

Perceptor blinked, surprised by the question, he recovered quickly as he looked upward in contemplation. “I-”

“Percy!” Brainstorm and Perceptor both flinched at the nickname, turning to see the red swordsmech had approached. Whatever Perceptor was going to say fell into the void and Brainstorm bemoaned the loss. “Are you done flirting? We were heading out.” Red optics glanced briefly at Brainstorm. “Ultra Magnus will arrange payment to your account.”

Brainstorm barely heard it, optics wide as they stared at Perceptor. “Flirting? Oh, Perceptor , we have much to discuss.”

For the first time in this whole proceedings, the sniper looked flustered. Brainstorm recording the reactions: cycled wide optics, twitching plating, lip plates clamped together so tight the metal looked on the verge of welding itself together. 

“We should depart,” Perceptor finally said, optics on his comrade rather than Brainstorm. “It wouldn’t be wise to keep Ultra Magnus waiting.”

“If you want to say your goodbyes,” the red mech’s optics shined with mischief, “I think Rodimus can keep him busy for a few more kliks. Give him the ol’ Roddy Special.” 

Perceptor did not look pleased with the other mech’s meddling. Brainstorm was already thinking of mods to his greatsword to bestow on the mech as a gift for a few more kliks of Perceptor’s time.

“Drift-” 

The red swordsmech was already backing away. Drift threw a wink at Perceptor as he made his way towards the exit. It was only then Brainstorm realized the rest of the group had already begun to depart. 

In the back of his mind, he knew he should check to make sure they hadn’t made away with all his toys, but…he looked at Perceptor, optics daring the other to speak. He may not get another opportunity like this and he couldn’t waste it on trivial matters like stolen goods or finances. All that was recoverable but this moment was a once in a lifetime. When he looked like he wasn’t going to, Brainstorm filled in the silence.

“We should exchange commlinks. So we can arrange another meeting. Private, with less time constraints .”

The sniper bristled. “And what would we do without the constraints?” 

Brainstorm could immediately think of a million things they could do, his processor was whirling at the endless possibilities, about all the things he wanted to do to Perceptor. “You can take my processor apart and I’ll take yours apart. Take that as literally or as figuratively as you’d like,” the jet purred with an obnoxious wink. He could see Perceptor was less than impressed with his antics but Brainstorm found it his new mission to make the mech before him react . 

“I’m very busy.”

“I’m very flexible.”

Perceptor exvented loudly. “You are also very…determined.”

“I think most potential partners would find that an admirable trait.”

“Partner?” Perceptor asked and Brainstorm nodded eagerly. A small smile grazed his lip plates. “I don’t take on partners.”

“Give me your commlink and I’ll change your mind.”

Despite the scowl fastened to Perceptor’s face, Brainstorm received the private, personal commlink as Perceptor turned heel and rejoined his group.

--

“He seems cute. Not your usual type,” Drift spoke quietly as they sat side by side in the transport. Jazz and Ricochet were too busy talking amongst themselves and, once again, Rodimus was by Ultra Magnus’ side in the cockpit. It was suspiciously quiet up there but Perceptor had little worry over what was occurring there. Rodimus liked to push and Ultra Magnus never held back. Still, he appreciates Drift’s attempt at discretion. 

“My type?” He asked, hoping to move the conversation away from the mad scientist in the desolation building, with optics so bright they burned into his memory banks.

“Well,” Drift shrugged, “we’ve heard the rumors; More fascinated with the bodies on your work slab than a living mech. He’s too lively for you.” Drift laughed at this, before quietly adding, “I’ve never seen you hold a conversation that long unless under gunpoint.”

“Whose to say I wasn’t?” There was little doubt in his mind, the jet was armed to the denta. 

“Could have fooled me,” Drift shrugged again. “You almost looked like you were having fun. I saw you smile.”

Perceptor scoffed but didn’t reply otherwise. Congenial as always, Drift didn’t press. He patted Perceptor on the shoulder and moved to join the twins’ conversation, leaving the sniper alone to his thoughts. 

In the brief meeting, the manic jet had wormed his way into Perceptor’s processor, pushed aside any other thoughts entirely. Crazed, yet clever. Maddening and intriguing. Violent chaos wrapped around elegant intelligence. It made every application in Perceptor’s processor fritz, his tank flip with a desire to learn more. 

He had done preliminary research prior to their meeting and found himself combing through it again. He had gotten Brainstorm’s records with relative ease, though they were dismal and lacking . Banal beginnings, hardly anything of note, with a brief stint at Kimia…the dates vaguely overlapped with his own stay there. 

A subprocessor wondered what it would have been like if they had crossed paths there, the potential such a clandestined meeting could hold- Perceptor halted that subroute immediately. One meeting with the ruthless scavenger was not going to consume him. Matters of the spark did not overtake logic and data. Just like his work, he needed a basis to construct off of. He needed data and there was simply a lack in Brainstorm’s nearly empty file. His notes were dauntingly empty and there was an itching urge to make them complete.

A ping came from his comms. Perceptor felt trepidation coil around his spark as he opened it to see Brainstorm’s designation at the top.

::Percy~ When can we meet again? We have much to discuss. I suggest we meet somewhere cozy, quiet. I can pick a location, just tell me when and I’ll make it happen. I have many questions and I want to take a look at that scope of yours. I promise to be gentle. I know they can be sensitive ;) I eagerly await your response.::

[marinerainbow]

//Well again, I'm sorry BUT you did ask 😂

Roger: *running from the patrol* HEEELP ME P-P-P-Pleeeease! *hits something hard head on*

Shrek: What the-

Roger: Oh thank goodness Mister! Ya gotta help me, I'm being accosted by some no good fiends!

Donkey: Well we're all about fighting no good fiends!

Puss: *brandishes sword* Show yourselves fiends!

Shrek: When will you both stop signing me up for these side quests?

Roger: P-P-Please may I hide in your bag!

Shrek: This one? There's hardly any-

Roger: *stuffs himself into the bag and zips it up cartoon style*

Shrek: ...Room.

Toon Patrol: *comes clattering around the corner.*

Smartass: Hey, Ogah!

Shrek: *tired* Aye?

Smartass: You seen a rabbit run?

Shrek: I've seen plenty of rabbits run.

Smartass: You seen one go through here?

Shrek: White fur, big clodhopper feet and an annoying voice?

Smartass: Yeah!

Shrek: Haven't seen one.

Stupid: Duh fiddlesticks!

Smartass: Hold it! What's in the bag?

Shrek: ...Laundry

Smartass: Prove it.

Shrek: Uhhh...

Greasy: He hesitated boss.

Smartass: Whatsa matter, something to hide?

Shrek: No it's just really...dirty laundry. And you know ogres we...we don't leave much to the imagination.

Smartass: Empty the bag or da mule gets it.

Donkey: Oh Shrek, I don't wanna die! He's got a razor!

Psycho: *holding one to Donkey's throat and giggling*

Shrek: *to Smartass* Look, ferret. I don't have anything worth robbing so why don't you crawl back to Toad Hall.

Smartass: *gesticulating with his gun* You wanna say dat again?!

Puss: Fear not boss, I will send these comadrejas away! Fear me, of you da-

Greasy: *procures his knife*

Wheezy: *aims his Tommy gun*

Puss: *cough* On second thought I just remembered I only have one life left.

Smartass: I'm sick of these shenanigans, open that bag or eat lead!

Shrek: Okay, you asked for it. *dumps a pile of dirty clothes onto the ground to which the weasels stare at*

Shrek: This is the part where you run away. *roars and sends them scattering. Looks inside the bag* They're gone.

Roger: *unattaches himself from the inside* Yeesh you weren't kiddin' about your pungent odour Mr-

Shrek: Shrek.

Roger: Ohh I like you Mr Shrek! How can I ever thank you?

Shrek: Go back to laying out Easter Eggs.

Roger: Aww that was just a summer job! So where are you guys headed?

Donkey: Nahh nahh the position of sidekick is taken.

Puss: That's right.

Donkey and Puss: *look at each other* What do you mean "That's right?"

Roger: Oh I won't be a burden! I'm great on long journeys, I know a lotta travellin' songs, like 100 bottles of milk, Jimmy Cracked Corn and She'll be coming round the mountain!

Shrek: ...Why am ah the magnet for talking animals with personal space issues?

ASDTKKMJJUYRDCVL THIS IS THE MOST BLURSED THING I'VE EVER HAD IN MY INBOX BY FAR 🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭

[rejectclone]

I got asked (as a joke) by one of my mutuals on Insta to say what fighters my OCs would main in Super Smash Bros Ultimate, and uhhh I did it lol

Jared: Samus, due to her having gun-like projectiles being a huge part of her moveset! Jared likes zoning out people via playing the most spammy Samus missle spam ever, really just to see them mald like hell and for them to SD

Devon: LITTLE MAC!!! Devon already knows how to box (and just fistfight in general) really damn good, so seeing a fighting game character that boxes AND is mute, immediately made him click and project onto Little Mac

Ren: Sephiroth, since uhhh the massive ōdachi 🤷‍♀️ Ren is a huge sucker for hyping up his family’s historical/cultural roots, so seeing a character that speaks Japanese and wields that sword, immediately attracted him to being the most sweaty and try-hard Sephiroth main EVER

Deangelo: Ridley, since Deangelo has also been ‘reborn’ as a biomechanical being, and that YES, he too can violently impale people with his body! He really just does just spam down-b to get that sweet spot and THEN he spams side-b

‘John’: He literally cannot play the game without melting the controller in his bare hands, since he gets too excited at having genuine fun and thus his hands begin to heat up and begin to leak his acidic goo ☹️ But if he had to main someone, it’ll probably be male Wii Fit Trainer, since he likes how technical and complex their kit is (plus he finds solace in seeing a character that also has solid white skin/is physically mannequin-like)

‘Mark’: He ALSO literally cannot play the game without melting the controller in his bare hands, but if he had to main someone, it’ll probably be Bowser! He just thinks that a giant flame breathing dragon-turtle looks cool as hell and likes how monstrous Giga Bowser is ESPECIALLY! If he could play the game though, he’ll just spam down b and up b to piss everyone off, before ending up in last place due to SD-ing so much with down b or failing to string somebody off stage with foward air + back air

Lydia: King Dedede since she’s not really into fighting games at all BUT likes funny cutesy mascots a ton, but will probably SD a ton when trying to recover or pull combos off with the gordos. She is a big fan of playing the Spirit Board though, since she goes at her own pace and likes looking up which character spirit come from what game series

Lawerence: ABSOLUTELY HATES VIDEO GAMES. He literally views them as the lowest form of art/entertainment, and if he was FORCED to pick a character, he’ll just passively pick Mario since he’s the most recognizable video game mascot ever

[R]: Kirby! He’ll just pick them since Kirby is super cute and very visually pleasing to see in [R]’s eyes. HOWEVER, as he learns more about the other characters in the game, he learns about Solid Snake and…… immediately becomes obsessed with him 😭 He cannot play Snake well AT ALL and keeps loosing easily, but [R] is just so infatuated to see a character that’s a human clone, that’s shown in a postive light/is a hero! (He ends up also liking Mewtwo, the Blood Falcon alt for Captain Falcon, Dark Pit, etc, basically ALL of the clone characters)

B055: Steve. As part super computer that can essentially see two steps ahead of literally Anything, either digitally or physically in the real world, he 1000% has a perfect win-rate and is TRUELY undefeatable. Still, he willingly ‘sandbags’ on purpose when playing with [R] and Lydia, so they can have more fun together :’D

[arcsin27]

genshin x persona

ive mentioned it before but i wanna go real in depth this time. still not certain on every detail so some have multiple options

this post will be updated as i get more ideas i swear ill remember to update it lol

Naoya - anemo sword/bow/catalyst (sword because he has a sword, bow because he has a gun, catalyst because only spells can hit any enemy in the grid system of the game)

Skill: yeah ive got nothin lmfao. maybe something about summoning the monkeys seimen kongou holds?

Burst: ?????

Tatsuya - pyro sword

Skill: uhhh maybe he summons a motorcycle made of fire and rushes around running enemies over?

Burst: nova kaiser. he creates a shockwave of AoE pyro damage. enemies caught in the blast will be in a state of stasis for a short duration

Maya - cryo bow (bow because guns also make projectiles)

Skill: diamond dust. it creates a field in which characters and enemies are applied cryo, and characters are healed (because she also knows dia)

Burst: omni dimension. similar to venti, she creates an orb of cryo in the air and draws enemies into it, dealing cryo damage

Makoto - pyro sword

Skill: dark hour. during its duration, a burning moon appears above all characters, boosting attack damage

Burst: great seal. while makoto is on the field, he will periodically take damage, restoring the health of all characters. also triggers the dark hour moon (im not really sure about the balancing here... maybe it should still take effect even after switching him out? but then it feels op yknow?)

Kotone - pyro polearm

Skill: same as makoto?

Burst: same as makoto?

Narukami - electro claymore

Skill: midnight channel. similar to keqing, he can either press or hold the button to place two square portals beside himself and a short distance away (get it its shaped like a tv screen but purple because genshin mechanics). he will then jump into the square beside him and appear through the other one. maybe he deals AoE electro damage when he pops out?

Burst: idk i have a couple ideas. maybe he creates a field of fog that deals electro damage until he cuts through it dealing massive damage? maybe he summons an other self made of electro that also attacks with him?

Ren - hydro polearm (hydro because it seems to relate to morality and justice and tbh eiha looks blobby and liquid, polearm because its a dagger on a stick)

Skill: beneath the mask. ren rushes forward and performs AoE hyrdo damage, placing enemies in the range under the mask effect. this lowers their defense

Burst: sinful shell. just kinda makes a giant hydro explosion around him lol

---

edit: someone in a discord server proposed that ren (but i think maya could be considered too) is actually a catalyst and their method of casting the spells is gun. i imagined they like summon an elemental construct in the shape of a gun and use it to shoot snowballs and water balls lol

[asleepinawell]

things to add partly based on a conversation I had with my friend about this dumbass:

for context, there is no emet/wol thing happening in this scenario. neither of them would enjoy that

the wol has zero understanding of the whole shard of azem thing and at this point everyone's given up trying to explain it. his response to hyth talking about the color of his soul was "thanks I work out"

also the first thing he said to hyth in elpis was "are you from lakeland?". within fifteen minutes of knowing him, hyth was like wow this kid is mega stupid I need to add him to my collection of idiots immediately

for some reason, he assumed that his role in elpis was being hyth's bodyguard and that emet was hyth's personal assistant (this was almost 100% something hyth told him). he tried to beat up a unicorn for looking at hyth funny, but he lost :(

he did eventually grasp that elpis!emet and shb!emet were the same person, though he remained confused about the time travel aspect. he didn't want to believe it at first because their hair was different and that was the main criteria by which he judged

showed up in elpis dressed like this (and did not change):

has sorta grasped the whole sundering and ancients thing and mostly thinks it's "hella sad". when shb!emet explained it the first time his response was the equivalent of zuko's "that's rough buddy"

venat was confused at first about why future her would choose this kid but then was like no you know what someone who "was sad this one time but it seemed like a drag so I stopped" and is known to spontaneously burst into tears whenever he thinks about how much he loves his friends or sees a cute animal is actually perfect for this. bonus points that he pisses off emet

venat beating his ass was the greatest moment of his entire life

shb!emet's take on him was wow this kid really got none of azem's admittedly limited number of braincells, guess I should clear my schedule and troll him. he also concluded that venat was completely off her rocker for choosing this kid and the whole thing was clearly just done to spite him personally (possibly correct)

the wol's initial take on shb!emet was: haha what a funny little guy. thancred had to be like okay but he killed a gajillion people. wol: oh that's totally not cool dude. does this mean I'm allowed to punch him? thancred, exhausted: yes, you're allowed to punch him. wol: rad!

the hyth/hades/azem thing went right over his head to start with. thancred, his perpetually exhausted dad since midgard left, sat him down and explained it to him. the wol was like aww that's really sweet I hope it works out for those crazy kids. thancred: uhhh...you know what, sure, let's just go with that

loporrits make him nervous. what do they want from him?????

misses his mom (venat) and his other(?) mom (hydaelyn) who he has...mostly figured out are the same person. he got there eventually

merlwyb is his role model. he has no clue about her politics (or politics in general), he just thinks she's the coolest for having buff arms and neat bang bang guns and the whole pirate aesthetic

complete fanboy for y'shtola. thinks it's so cool the way she dropped a meteor on that weird little dude at the end of shb. (also slightly terrified of her)

besties with alisaie. they share a love of swords and explosions

likes alphinaud but tends to zone out whenever he talks

jumped up on a table when they were talking to the forum to yell at fourchenault because disowning his kids was "like totally not cool, man". fourchenault is now in therapy for this

aymeric tried to ask him out once but not only did aymeric totally botch it but it went right over the wol's head. aymeric spent three days locked in his office having a nervous breakdown after this and lucia has been forbidden from ever mentioning it. the wol remained clueless but got that aymeric was not feeling great and sent him a really cool rock he found because who doesn't like really cool rocks

has never understood a single word that's come out of urianger's mouth but thinks he's a swell guy with great fashion sense

considers ryne his little sister

envious of krile's hoodie

bros with estinien now that he's calmed down and is "way less harsh, dude". they have "I never know what's going on and at this point I'm afraid to ask" solidarity

emotionally dependent on his carbuncle

he never had a single clue wtf was going on with zenos and actually forgot his name a few times, something which only encouraged zenos who found it "stimulating" that the wol considered him so beneath his notice. zenos gave at least three horny monologues about this. the wol remained oblivious to all of this but had a great time fighting him after that whole thing with the sad bird that thancred promised to explain to him when they got back

besties with sadu. if only zenos hadn't sucked so much he could have joined their fight bromance club (alisaie and estinien are in this club too)

once tried to carry his chocobo because he thought it was only fair they take turns. this may be related to why grani bit him

owns bootie shorts that say "hydaelyn's perfect idiot" on them

my background story for my himbo lizard boy wol has always been fairly vague and mostly along the lines of: he grew up in thavnair, his family were fishers who made him learn to fish even though he preferred fighting things, he attempted to fish by just jumping in the water and wrestling fish, and then a giant fish kicked his ass so hard he left home on a journey to grow into a better fighter so he could come back and get revenge (he never did. he got thancred to beat up the fish for him and now it lives in an aquarium in his house)

but I was thinking of elpis and the wol being told to relate the whole story from the beginning to the elpis squad and like...this boy cannot stay focused on a long story like that, he doesn't have a single braincell, if you tell him to relate the story from the beginning he's gonna go way too far back and spend half an hour complaining about the fish that beat him up back home

and there's hythlodaeus in the corner quietly making notes about this fascinating fish. notes he will find in his pocket after he returns home and turn into a concept leading to the creation of the fish ancestor of the wol's nemesis. the circle of stupidity is complete

other things that probably happened in elpis:

1) the wol almost definitely made some vague comment to hermes that hermes then recalled later as he looked down at meteion and inspired his decision to destroy the world. the comment would have been something you'd expect to find on one of those awful motivational posters that has some trite phrase over a stock photo of the ocean

2) the wol asked venat "have you ever wondered what the ancients really are?" (he probably read a conspiracy theory on tumblr) but he had a brain slip (without the brain part) and said "have you ever sundered what the ancients really are?" and venat was like hmmm while taking notes

3) wol told emet he looked "out of shape" and "not at 110%" in the future and offered to teach him his exercise routine. this would have happened in the middle of him relating how emet was going to have everyone he knew die and then murder millions of people. hyth prevented another murder from taking place but also took notes on the exercise routine and later built a home gym based on them. azem used it regularly. emet threatened to divorce both of them. soon after, emet unmade azem's favorite barbell in a fit of pettiness leading to them squabbling, a fight which started out serious and then drifted into more mundane topics like should we summon zodiark. azem took his gym and left

4) grani bit the wol. this didn't have any far-reaching consequences but it made him sad and he wants you to know

the legend himself:

[didyoutrydynamite]

Reese’s Dad Approves

Jaune; *has cloth bag ripped off from over his head, realizing he’s been tied to a chair* Huh? W-what’s going on?

???: *A shady figure sits on a stool across from him, playing with a lighter that casts an orange glow on his gas mask* Calm down lad, you and I just need to have a little chat.

Jaune: *Squints* Mister Chloris?

Whistler: That's Mister Chloris to you lad.

Jaune: …That’s what I said.

Whistler: *moment of silence before taking off his gas mask* Oh you’re good. But I’ll warn you right now Arc. *lights cigarette and takes a puff* I’ve yet to meet someone who can best me in the battle of the minds. I’ve brought several therapists to tears for trying to understand the inner workings of my psyche. *proceeds to eat the lit cigarette.*

Jaune: *gulps* U-understood Mister Chloris. What would you like to talk about?

Whistler: *Grins and flares his nostrils as smoke comes out of them* Straight to the point, I like it. And I’m gonna be honest with you. I like you. And I want you…

Jaune: *leans back in chair* Uhhh…

Whistler: …To take good care of my daughter. You’re exactly the kind of boyfriend she needs.

Jaune: *sighs in relief* Whew thank god. Wait what?

Whistler: *Laughs loudly* No need to sound so relieved lad. I can already tell you’re a fine catch. Better than most other freaks out there. You wear your fear on your sleeves. Makes it easy to tell whether or not you’re thinking of gutting me open.

Jaune: …What?

Whistler: Unfortunately that leaves us in a certain predicament. You see, if you want in our family-

Jaune: Sir I think you’re misunderstanding-

Whistler: -you’re gonna have to pass the “Test”. Think of it as an initiation into dating Reese.

Jaune: M-mister Chloris, Reese and I aren’t dating!

Whistler: *waves hand dismissively* Whatever you kids call it these days then, I know young’uns tend to be more free spirited. Either way, if you want to keep your hands on my daughter. *stands up and kicks his stool away, cracks his knuckles* You’re gonna have to get through these hands first.

Jaune: *beginning to panic* You mean…!?

Whistler: That’s right. “Mono e mono”.

Jaune: I-I can’t fight you!

Whistler: You’re gonna have to, just like I did with my father-in-law, and he did with his father-in-law before him… probably. *mumbles to himself* He never really did explain to me very well how this tradition goes…

Jaune: No, what I mean is I literally cannot feasibly fight you. You’re a Huntsman!

Whistler: *tosses Crocea Mors at Jaunes feet* Then you better hope your love for Reese and the adrenaline of your pants-shitting fear gives you the edge to win. *pulls on what appears to be a flamethrower pack* They always say that the greatest warriors were the cornered animals and fools in love. By the way you may wanna put in a request for a new locker. Someone left yours locked for some reason, so I had to get assertive in order to get your weapon.

Jaune: *looks dumbly at the sword at his feet, his limbs still tied to the chair* Uh, sir? Can I at least get a little help first?

Whistler: *Smiles kindly at him.* Only because I like you. You’ve got a ten seconds head start before we begin. *pulls down gas mask and turns on his Dust Thrower’s igniter* Ten. Nine-

Jaune: *starts rocking side to side in the chair, fighting against his restraints* ohshitohsitohsitoshit-!

*Suddenly the room’s lights turn on, revealing to Jaune a very familiar laboratory.*

Merlot: Arc? Who gave you permission to be in my lab!?

Whistler: *loudly gasps* Dad! You made it!

Merlot: *his face shifts from surprise to anger as he recognizes Whistler* Oh for fucks sake! *loudly shouts into his metal arm piece* Intruder! Protocol: Despoiler!

*Lab sirens flare as a swarm of security drones fall from the ceiling, beelining towards Whistler.*

Whistler: *shakes his head and chuckles* Oh Dad, same old same old! *Activates a switch and his Gun’s tube glows green, he then pulls the trigger, spraying a cyclone of air towards the drones, smashing them all over the room.*

Merlot: I AM NOT YOUR FATHER! *his metal arm opens up and an arc of electricity fires towards Whistler*

Whistler: *His aura flares as he summons a spectral Gremlin in front of him, the creature taking the lightning bolt in with glee as it maniacally laughed back out of existence* Listen, Pops. As much as I love our “Hello Spars”, I’m in the middle of a Traditional Merlot Family Duel with the Arc-Boy.

Jaune: I didn’t consent to this!

Merlot: *looking confused* Merlot Family Duel? What nonsense are blathering now, you low life?

Whistler: Oh you know! When I first started seeing Elyse? We had that big duel that destroyed several city blocks? Man, you really gave me one hell of a test to see if I was worthy to be part of the family. *sighs happily as if recollecting on a fond memory*

Merlot: *visibly grinding his teeth* I can assure you there is no such “Family Tradition”. And if I was testing anything, it was to see how fast I could kill some street punk hooligan for getting my daughter pregnant in a some filthy bar bathroom stall, WITHOUT SO MUCH AS LITTLE AS A FIRST NAME BASIS!

Whistler: And boy it was love at first sight! Gods I still miss her. Rest in peace Wildfire.

Jaune: Wait. So there isn’t any duel then?

Whistler: Of course there is!

Merlot: Of course there’s not!

Whistler: But Dad!

Merlot: Stop calling me that! And if you’re so worried about him proving his worth, I’ve already given him my blessing!

Whistler: *recoils in shock* What?! Already? And without me? When?

Merlot: When Jaune and Reese fought one of my machines in order for her to… wait a minute.

Whistler: HA! So there is a Merlot Tradition! *pulls up his mask and plants a hand and Jaune’s shoulder.* And the boy’s already won over Reese! I knew you could do it!

Jaune: For the last time. Reese and I are NOT a thing!

Merlot/Whistler: Why not?

Jaune: *lets out an exasperated sigh* If there’s no duel, can I leave now?

[miiracleboys]

OKAY i want to know more about the pjo au but idk what to ask specifically bc i know u listed all cabins so uhhh does anyone have cool weapons or magic gifts from their parents (like riptide or annabeth’s hat)?

they DO thank you for asking. also some of these aren't greek weapons, but if camp half-blood's armory can include guns, i can give kita a rope dart.

lev has a double-headed meteor hammer (two weights connected by a chain) made from celestial bronze. yukie starts training him with it, but after the first concussion, she hands him off to kita. he gets the hang of it eventually :)

yamaguchi has a javelin, obviously. it's forged from the same piece of metal as tsukishima's shield.

shibayama has a sagaris (small battle-axe generally used for piercing armor). yes, it was mostly used by cavalry units, but i don't care. they almost killed alexander the great with that thing.

suna has a kopis (one-handed single-edged sword) and a set of throwing knives that he is very, very good with. his aim creeps out some of the archers, up to and including daishou because i think it's a funny mental image.

hinata has a harpe sword (sword with a sickle protrusion on one side; same kind of sword used by kronos to kill ouranos and perseus to kill medusa) from apollo.

tendou has another drachma--this one is bronze, but it's harder to tell in poor lighting, which tends to make people a little nervous--that he usually keeps in his pocket. it was a gift from tyche; if he flips it and gets heads, it becomes a xiphos (one-handed short sword), and if he gets tails, it becomes a dory (eight-foot double-ended spear). because he doesn't have control over the outcome, he learns how to improvise fast.

kageyama has a double-edged stygian iron sword. hecate had given it to kazuyo for safekeeping for whenever kageyama would eventually need it, but he got it a short while after the funeral instead. it's the only thing he shows up to camp with, other than his suitcase.

[lunar-lair]

hello one and all to the submas soul eater au post courtesy of my silly brain. note it's midnight and uh. im a lil crazey but hopefully this vibes anyways :o)

Ingo and Emmet

Starting with the Stars of The Show,,

Say hello to twin weapons Ingo and Emmet!! Ta-daaaa

Ingo and Emmet can wield each other but Elesa is also their meister bc due to their weapon type they're more effective being used at the same time anyways

Ingo is a sword and Emmet is a curved dagger! (Ingo was formally a broadsword but I just looked it up and those are used w/ two hands. No thnx)

Both of their hilts are exactly the same, silver, with Arceus' symbol etched in the top and the symbols from their in-game hats etched into the base (the first-later explanation. The second-family insignia)

Ingo has a very stealthy fighting style; his weapon is Emmet, so he has to rely on short range attacks and trickery.

Emmet goes in guns blazing; his weapon is Ingo, so there's no real point in stealth.

Both have sheaths to hide the other in (a weapon is easier to hide than a human), and rely on a lot of trickery.

When they go into battle, they both wear calf length, grey jackets that are far too big. Ingo wears a black hat and Emmet wears a white one, but that's more for allies than anything else.

They also wear dress shoes, but they always wear dress shoes. (Elesa thinks they're crazy. They give half a shit.)

They also have earrings! Sort of.

Both wear a small gem as an earring; Ingo on his right, Emmet on his left, so they face each other when they stand next to each other.

This gem amplifies their weapon abilities. (Again, an explanation for,,,probably another post at this point this is getting long.)

And on their other ear, they wear an earring with a chain and a clamp that goes on the shell of their ear.

In their weapon form, this translates to a chain; for Emmet, it allows a more ranged attack where he's semi thrown, and for both of them, it's more a way to ensure they aren't dropped. (Like the strap on a Wii remote.)

(also don't ask me how this works it just sounds cool lmao)

Drayden got them a pair of them, probably. He's their uncle in this au cause I said so and it's a cool thought. Maybe Clay helped make them/mine the materials louder shrug I haven't figured out most of the other gym leaders yet tbth

Ingo has chips taken out of his blade, and it reflects on his body as a few deep scars on his right side.

More on this in Elesa's post ;)

uhhh. other thoughts umm

They learned they were weapons when, while Ingo was fending off bullies, Emmet transformed on instinct (to which the kids ran away because THAT'S A FUCKING DAGGER????)

Their parents, a weapon and meister duo, quickly supported sending them off to the DWMA (which is still called that cause it still makes sense)

Once they hit about 20, they start teaching there, as well!

They joint teach one class, teaching different subjects one or the other knows more about, but the base idea of the class is 'A class taught by twin weapons for weapon duos!', as weapon duos are relatively rare.

(When they were looking for one meister, 13 and fresh to the DWMA, it took them awhile.

Luckily, Elesa was actually looking for a weapon duo; she enjoyed the thought of fluidity in fighting.)

In normal everyday life, they wear the same thing they do in battle, but just. Less confusing coats

They're way too formal. At least, when they're at the school. (Who knows, maybe they dress like normal people outside of it...Elesa will never tell.) Dress pants, shirt, tie (red for Ingo and yellow for Emmet), the works. And yes, they still wear the dress shoes while teaching, don't ask why, they won't give you a real answer. (Elesa has stopped trying.) They wear their black-and-white hats, but their jackets reflect that, as well.

Though they're a little different. Ingo wears black, Emmet wears white, of course. They're more thigh length than calf length, and they can close, but unlike their battle jackets, which are meant to stay closed, it's more for winter weather than anything else. They're more close-cut, but still decently comfy and too-big.

Emmet's is absolutely covered in pins. This goes for his hat, too, though he's a little more conservative with them when it comes to that.

Ingo doesn't mind pins, but has far less than Emmet does.

Both wear identical pins on the front of their hats, though. They were gifts from Elesa when they first became her weapons, and they've gone through a good few hats and many, many years, but they're still holding up.

and uhhh. i think thats it for basics w/ the boys! elesa post coming soon i Promise (and then a general post w/ a section on team plasma and the mcs. or maybe ill chunk that one up well see)

[actualbird]

okay. who of the boys should be in genshin impact (not counting the roomba we know roombas are good at violence)

thank you for this ask, anon!!! lemme walk you through my HOT TAKES about who from the nxx investigation team (i know u asked just the boys but i have Thoughts about mc too) deserves to be GENSHIN'S NEXT TOP CROSSOVER POSSIBILITY!!!

wc: 902

mc/rosa

mc has a dendro vision. she's a sword user. my explanation for this is the whole "rosa" thing, i just think itd be SOOOO cool for her element to let her summon huge thorns at will.

sword because of the whole "lady themis wields a sword" thing. plus, the sword is the most adaptable of the weapon types, imo, and also it's the Main Character Weapon.

she should be in genshin because if she was, her outfit would be AMAZINGLY PRETTY. red and beige dress type of deal, intersection of beauty and ferocity

ALSO, UHHH, I WANT A HANGOUT WITH MC??? where shes just fussing over the four boys are currently in a fourway argument and u have to help her figure out how to get them to talk to each other again (good ending of the hangout is that all the boys realize theyre making her sad and so they make up. bad endings are them still making up but mc has to physically bonk them individually because theyre all idiots)

VERDICT: mc should be in genshin because i love women

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luke pearce

luke has a pyro vision and he's a claymore user. luke is one of the most fire coded motherfuckers ive ever seen in my life. aside from his red eyes (WROW!!) hes also sunshine coded and the closest thing to sunshine in the vision elements is pyro

originally i had luke pegged as a sword user too but then i realize hes got the strength to lug around a claymore. luke's waist may be snatched but he's bringing down that claymore HARD, just like diluc and his snatched waist.

he should be in genshin because i love claymore users with a passion. speed? i just wanna mine, bro.

also his outfit would be some knightly themed bullshit. orrrrr something covert and rogue-like befitting of "raven"

also luke cant cook in game

also luke has peanut in his idle animation, just hopping to sit on his head while luke laughs 🥺🥺🥺

ALSO TOT WILL NEVER SHOW US LUKE IN MOTION IN A FIGHT SCENE. genshin CAN show us that. GIMMEEEEEEEE!!

VERDICT: luke should be in genshin because i want a cutscene where he goes batshit

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artem wing

artem has a geo vision and is a catalyst user. geo because hes dumb as rocks, JUST KIDDING, but geo because hes like, impenetrable wall. will of stone, solid and strong

hes a catalyst because theres no guns in genshin. the only weapon artem should have is a fucking gun. that aside, he just strikes me as somebody less physical damage coded? also hes a fucking nerd whos always bringing books around

outfits r a running theme here ig and artem would look SOOOO HOT, suit kinda deal like zhongli, the most repressed genshin outfit possible. gloves. hes got gloves. u r not seeing a single ounce of skin from this man

honestly i would not use artem in my team (im shit at catalysts) but he should be in genshin because i want to put him in my teapot in the kitchen or maybe in the garden to water the plants

artem's cooking bonus is the whole "you can get double what u cook" and i love that shit so much

VERDICT: artem should be in genshin because we never have enough malewives

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marius von hagen

marius has an electro vision and is a polearm user. electro because marius is Purple but also because he just seems like such a sparky dude to me!!! bursting with energy, mischievous, and making water electrocharged for me to accidentally drop characters into and they get zapped is on brand for him

hes a polearm user because he keeps people at polearm's length, JUST KIDDING. i chose this for him because Speed. marius is a speedy boy for me swish, swish, swish, his attack style would be relentlessly quick.

bros, his outfit would be Tits Out, somehow. theres no doubt. purple and black main colors, just something horrendously sexy.

he should be in genshin because electro characters my beloved.

marius also cant cook in game

also, just because, marius has cat ears and cat tail. meowrius von nyah-gen!!!!

VERDICT: marius should be in genshin because if he isnt hes going to throw SUCH a fucking tantrum over it

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vyn richter

vyn has a hydro vision and hes a bow user. hydro because vyn is like....so smooth, lol. also remember that one card where he fucked up mc's pipes and got soaking wet? he should be wet more often. this is our chance to Make Vyn Get Wet.

bow user because in canon it's already his weapon of choice, so i just went with it. will take shots at cranes flying midair just to show off. hes the reason why the team has fowl to last them for a decade.

princely themed outfit!!! you KNOW why. very elegant and his glasses are unreasonably hot

i also wouldnt use vyn in my team (im shit at bow users) but i would still like to have him in genshin so i can have isolated audio files of him snidely doing battle dialog "imperfections get you killed" "never show weakness" "how fascinating" i want to HEAR HIM SAY THESE THINGS, CHALLENGING AND CONFIDENT....PERHAPS EVEN BATTLE GRUNT....

also hes got an owl in his idle animation

VERDICT: vyn should be in genshin because hes hot

....i feel like maybe i was the wrong person to ask this question to, seeing as how my answer is "ALL OF THEM!!!!"