#Ugh. Blegh.
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Just found an old diary from when I was a kid. Most depressing shit I've ever read oh my fucking god
#:((((#It was from when I was in the wildest fucking friend group ever?#I was in fights every day#And MAN it made me remember how when we were emotionally dysregulated as kids (which kids are a lot. Esp if it's autistic kids) we weren't#always helped in the way we needed. Like mom tried her best and when she was feeling good she did a great job. But often times she wld just.#also get dysregulated and we'd all spiral together#That fucking sucks. The fact that that also continuously happened in the last year. :( fuck dude#It really makes me sad and angry. Thinking abt how mom has always had periods where she was unable to be an emotionally reliable parent#Sad and angry for her but also for us#Esp angry for the fact that it was happening so much in the last year#And the only way it got better (in my eyes) is bc i made it clear I didn't want her coming to me w her emotions#Which fucking sucked but it had to happen bc it was tearing everyone apart#Ugh. Blegh.#We're all good now. But. :(((#Sad
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none of this is real. wake up! it's time to go home, clive. clive... that's right. you're my brother. brother...
#cliverosfieldedit#joshuarosfieldedit#ffedit#ffxviedit#gamingedit#ffxvi#ff16#final fantasy 16#clive rosfield#joshua rosfield#nastigifs#this was a bitch to colour#UGH#still not quite happy but blegh
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fuse challenge 8: favourite live stage ↳ bye my monster at the 2024 summer gayo daejeon
#onf#onfcreators#fuse challenge#seungjun#minkyun#onfedit#kflops#kpopgfxnetwork#biastag#cheytermelon#useranusia#usermairin#melontrack#marsgfx#i was gonna make more gifs but ugh#the lighting and filming and video quality were all sooooooo blegh#which is a shame cuz they fucking killed it#highly recommend checking it out if you can#their vocals were insane#as was their dancing#man i'm soooooooo excited to see them live ;A;
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the big sad got my ass- I do NOT want to go to work tomorrow
#rant below ugh don't perceive#blegh I forgot to take my meds today bc I woke up late and that was a mistake#I really don't want to go to work tomorrow man fuckkkkk#might try to write more ocmc or some smut and then call it a night#dodger rants
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ack we’ve gotten to the stage with the relatives of “so what have you been doing lately?”
#the worst part blegh#rambles from the floor#I babysit... technically it’s a part time job#I help around the house#and... write fanfiction. yeahhh#ugh#I’ve gotten good at redirecting to my more successful younger sister#don’t you want to hear about my lovely younger sister’s writing course#she’s making something of herself hooray
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so many people have said that as you approach your 30’s things start to fall into place but I don’t feel that at all. the closer I get the more it feels that everything is dissolving and falling apart
#it’s not all in a bad way!#I’m hoping Wendell Berry is right and it may in fact be that when we have lost our way our real journey begins#and there is something where in the dissolution of certainty God enters and directs us the way He wants us to go#and reminds us that we’re not strong and independent from Him but children in His hands#but I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the certainty of 2018/22/younger Maria#I don’t quite know this new self#except for teaching everything is uncertain and I sort of daren’t pick up the colored pencils of life to do anything with them#I guess that’s what makes me really grateful for teaching#it’s firm and sure contact between me and the outside world#but everything else is just drifting and I am at sea!#anyways I am so sorry for putting personal self-reflection and analysis on your dash on this Easter morning#ewww ugh disgusting blegh I’m sorry#but trying to gain some clarity through words#Happy Easter! thank you for listening!! praying for you all
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aww :[
ae like the synths and ghouls
don’t know basically anything about them but ae like them
#‘woah!! these guys are so cool!!’#every other character: ‘ugh. abominations here to kill us. blegh’#well. we prefer them to the humans so. that might be saying something
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Me: Why are you being a brat, Sky.
Sky: *crosses arms and looks away*
Me: I need. For you. To cooperate.
Sky: *shrugs*
Wind: What’s going on?
Me: I got an ask about Sky and Legend and someone isn’t working with me.
Sky: You tried to kill me.
Me: How is this new information to you by now?? And that isn’t even for this story!!
Sky: You need sleep.
Me: THAT’S A LOW BLOW AND YOU KNOW IT
#writing problems#random rambles#ugh#to anyone who has sent me writing prompts#I’m sorry lol#I have such an exhaustion headache but can’t fall asleep this is dumb#I want a refund this day is blegh
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do you ever think like. “oh well maybe next time!” but about your entire life
#knocked flat on my ass by a fuckin noah kahan lyric#and i didn’t think it was like. THAT big a deal an hour ago#but now my chest hurts. blegh. UGH. i’m just trying to sleep :( i have to go back to work tomorrow sobs#jess.txt#ITS LIKE. IM NOT EVEN THIRTY YET. there is time!! but it doesn’t feel like it’ll ever matter sometimes#i don’t know. urgh. i’m going to take a melatonin
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In the mood to be admired by someone who is deeply and intimately in love with every part of me 💗💕💗
#*sigh* one day#we are yearning today besties#like 85% of my dash recently has been couples or people blogging about each other in the cutest way#and I’ve also just been around alot of my couple friends lately#and I just…. ugh#the concept of being love sounds so wonderful and lovely#but that in practice is terrifying#blegh idk I just want to be loved and to love someone else#mine#text post
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So uh weird encounter with my mom‼️
Erik came up in the conversation, just asking if he was back in jail. What I usually do. Then she said she wanted to talk to me. So like,, yeah! Uhm. She told me about how he didn't succeed in doing what he actually wanted to do. Which means he didn't get to rape me. Thankfully four year old me was actually smart enough to NOT let him do more then just the molesting. 😞
Also my mom compared my brothers situation to mine?? Like yeah I get their dad willingly chose to not participate in their life and it's a shitty thing but how can you compare that to mine?? It's just,,, ughh :(
#tw rape mention#tw molestation mention#tw abandonment#erik is my biological fathers name#ugh#ssighh#im so tired#its whatever i guess#just a bit weird#but erik is currently in one of those homes for after you get out of jail currently#sorry for the small dump idk who else to tell#blegh sorry#😓
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This just in, local struggler severely overestimates how much they can eat yet again. Left with half a bowl of ramen and a sad, sad heart
#speculation nation#it's homemade at least so im not wasting money on fancy ramen#but i Hate this man it sucks 😭😭😭😭#i keep losing weight bc i can never eat enough#and i was like 'ok lets make a ramen thats a good sized meal' but then i cant FINISH it#forced myself to finish all the eggs at least and now im just picking at the peas. ugh.#at this rate im gonna have to start drinking ensures more regularly again#bc i havent gotten to the underweight phase yet but if it keeps going like this then i will#like it was. excuse me talking about my weight for a bit but im a tad bit concerned about it#but back before i started adderall back in uhh. september?? i think?? or october???#fuck if i remember. been a few months tho. but also not That long.#anyways i was at like. 140lbs at the doctor and like 137lbs at home (relevant bc clothes weight. rest of this will be at home weights)#and ive had such shit appetite that ive been watching it go down and down. like at least a pound a week. sometimes two pounds.#and now im at 123lbs. which is a solid almost 15 lbs lost in like 3 ish months. which is kind of a lot when ur small to begin with.#also a little alarming when u see this happen like a pound lower between every shower. bc i tend to check before i shower.#& i often shower every 4 days or so. when im in the Rotting Era and all. aka i dont rly go outside much.#and like 123lbs still isnt bad for 5'3“ but i think 107lbs is the cutoff for underweight. and im halfway there.#and now see i was about this weight a few years back so in one respect it's nice to fit into some of my older pants again#but at the same time..thats too quick!!! thats not healthy!!!! but when i try to eat more i Cant!!! it makes me nauseous!!!!!#so back in early 2020 when i was dipping under 110lbs bc of meds stuff i got onto ensure and it did help. so maybe i need to again.#just..blegh. i just kinda feel empty all the time. like stomach-wise. but not Hungry. it's a problem.#gotta come up with ways to eat that dont rely on my stomach to tell me when to eat. bc it's definitely not doing a good job at that.#weight mention/#and like see ive been eating 2 meals a day on average but i was doing that before too!!!!!!#but i think it's bc i cant Finish my meals half the time that's really causing problems.#staring at my half eaten bowl of ramen very grumpily. it has now been long enough that it's kind of gross.#and my arms hurt. just bc my bone aches have decided to flare up again. very grumpy.#negative/#i guess lol
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★ Definitely sick (worst time with all the stress I've already got).
Send forehead kisses and pets, please. Just wanna know that people care even just a little. Miss and love you guys so much 🥺🥺
#Nym Yaps#blegh#rotting in bed#sick as a dog#doesnt help brain funk either#just want this all over#get me to the other side of all this#ugh#lesbian#sapphic#nblw
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:( guys i really don't wanna get out of bed rn
#i need to get breakfast but i have no energy to make anything ugh. what do i do#before that i need to do morning stuff like brush my teeth n all but even that feels like too much. blegh
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when my mom said of me “you will generally find her pointing to beauty with eyes of love”
#I’m so sorry for sharing this (already shared at one point) compliment to myself#blegh ugh I’m sorry#But I think about it so much 😭😭😭😭
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