#which is a shame cuz they fucking killed it

[donghyuckkies]

fuse challenge 8: favourite live stage ↳ bye my monster at the 2024 summer gayo daejeon

[billysgun]

loyal

billy the kid x cowgirl!reader |requested!|during the fight against murphy, you find out you're pregnant with billys child, and now you see where his loyalties lie |

you felt numb as you stared into the outhouse's seat that was swimming with your vomit like you did every morning while the gang went out and you were too sick to follow. but, you didn't let them know that.

because you aren't just sick, you're pregnant.

you know from the lack of blood in your bloomers -which would've been red 2 weeks ago, but it never came.

you think back to billy. the night where he drunkenly thrust in your with a raw cock. you both were whiskey-filled idiots and decided to fuck like you've been doing for months.

and now you're gonna have a baby.

and, in the middle of fighting the house. you're too sick to ride, can't stand the scent of gunpowder even when you used to soak in it, you have no chance of being here.

but billy? he isn't going to stop fighting for some mistake child.

you're on your own.

that night when they returned, billy snuck into your room and kissed up your neck

you tried to push the guilt aside and enjoy the feeling of his fingertips running up your thigh, your hormones begging for more touching but your morals drowning you in your shame

billy looked up at you right before he was gonna lay you on your bed, seeing the way your eyes were glossed over and brows twisted in not pleasure, but pain.

"darlin' whats wrong?" he immediately stopped as his eyes widened and hands cupped your face

"no, nothin' billy! don't worry" you quickly whispered, cursing at yourself as his worries grew

"is it the fight?" he asked, and you nodded, but he didn't seem satisfied

"nah, somethin' else in on your mind. you can tell me, love" he whispered, and you couldn't keep your tears in as they gently rolled down your cheeks as you whimpered a breath

"I'm pregnant, billy" you admitted and his eyes widened

"what?"

you let out another sob as he moved back from you

"I'm pregnant" you repeated and his fingers ran through his hair

"h-how long?"

"a little while-"

"before we joined this?" he asked and you quickly got defestive as you rose from the bed with furrowed brows

"no billy. not before" you sternly said and he turned away from you to hide his teary eyes

"why didn't you tell me- this is why you haven't been ridin' right? 'cuz you..." he paced around the room and you felt like a child who broke a vase as you stood with your head down

"I can't let you get hurt" he says walking up to you while grabbing your hands softly

"I can't let you get hurt, billy" you quickly add and he just shakes his head, your palm brings his face back to you

"this baby needs its father"

"not as much as it needs its mother, I'm not the kind of father a child wants" he whispered, tears brimming his eyes as you shook your head

"no, that's not true. they're so many rotten men out there, you're not one of them. you're loyal, and kind, and selfless-"

"I've killed people" he emphasizes and you just stare at him, backing up slowly once his eyes reveal the thing you worried most

"you're not leaving tunstall, are you?"

"...Y/n, I made a promise-" "what about this baby? you think fucking land is more important than a child you made?"

"I didn't fucking choose this!" he snaps and your eyes are wide as his words soak into both of you and he's quickly shaking his head as he moves toward you "I didn't mean that. I'm just sayin' I didn't-"

"what about me? you chose me first. what if I decide to stay and go with-"

"you're not doin' that. you're out of fighting." he sternly says but you just laugh

"I can't have you two gettin' hurt" he adds

"oh so now you care about the baby?" you ask, and he presses his lips together as you two are no longer talking and just fighting. with no response, you grab your shoes as you leave the cabin, leaving billy behind.

part 2 is: here

an: BILLY WHY???? haha but, hi guys!! & thank you for requesting!! <33

[cocogum]

The Great Wave - Chapter 7 Review

‼️SPOILERS FOR THE CHAPTER‼️

Warning(s): unhinged behavior, fat shaming, unnecessary use of foul language, osamodas slander

This chapter made the stupid decision to edge me.

We come back to Yugo having an episode from the poison he just drank and he is going through it hard.

My guy is coughing up blood, eyes are turning red, body is shaking like a mad man, screaming in agony, and his wakfu antlers are even going crazy…

To top it all off, he’s now having a series of igniting explosions because of the dofus residing in him. Like you can’t make this shit up, my guy is literally creating explosions from the inside out. Look at the damages.

(damn, amalia is carrying this whole banquet. look at her saving these ppl what a queen ✨)

Which clown decided it was a good idea to poison a demigod in charge of six dofus and expect nothing abnormal or deadly to happen?????

Oh yeah, the blue-skinned cows.

I don’t care what anyone says. The osamodas family was in charge of the poison attempt, I don’t care if it was that Sadida woman’s idea since it’s obvious she’d know more about poisoning. The osamodas are at fault, the osamodas king told Aurora that they should wait and let them enjoy this last happy occasion. He also told Aurora that they knew about the marriage but weren’t invited?? Come on, they’re clearly at fault here!! They’re the ones who told the Sadida servant to do something about it and she improvised! But what these two bozos didn’t know, was how it would backfire on them. This is stupid to think about because they KNEW Yugo wasn’t a normal person. Poisoning Yugo is like trying to poison a deadly cobra. Or in this case, A FUCKING DEMIGOD. Either way, you’re gonna get jumped.

Like, OF COURSE Yugo’s gonna have a freakout and fuck shit up when his body had been messed with a deadly substance.

OF COURSE, he’s gonna hurt a lot of people around him if he’s around anyone.

OF COURSE, he won’t fucking die cuz of his divinity status.

OF COURSE, he’ll start ruining the kingdom these two fucking dumbasses want for no reason.

You can’t make this shit up.

These two are so bad at being villains, they don’t even know what the fuck they’re doing to people they don’t bother knowing more about. They don’t even know who their target is.

After understanding what kind of poison Yugo drank, which was the belladone, we now know why Amalia knew what was in the cup. She probably recognized the smell of it.

Amalia: “Adamaï…The belladone is the worst of poisons…”

According to how she describes it, this poison is so deadly that it kills the person or animal who drinks it in under ten seconds. The victim first drinks it and then foams at the mouth before collapsing and dying.

We’ve seen the same thing happen in another era of the World of Twelve and that was back in the Cire Momore backstory which was an event around the Dofus era.

The daughter of a queen tried poisoning her for all the suffering she’s endured and had the help of a painter to do it.

Gustave (painter): “I found the berries at the exact place you indicated.”

Princess: “Perfect. Do not forget to carefully wash your hands. The belladone is highly toxic.”

Based on this passage alone, we’ve learned that the belladone are purple berries that are so toxic, that they can even damage you if you don’t properly wash your hands after you pick them.

After that, during the banquet, the princess secretly poured the poison into her mother’s wine. But just before she could drink it, her dog suddenly jumped at her, causing her to drop the wine, which made the pet drink it from the ground instead.

The results were exactly what you expected to happen.

Once the dog drank it, he foamed at the mouth and collapsed, immediately dying from the drink.

So when we compare this instance to what happened to Yugo, we can see a huge difference.

Unlike what happened to the dog (or any mortal), Yugo is still standing but is terribly shaking, coughing blood, and having an episode. His body is trying to get the poison out of his system by coughing but his body is still alive.

The only thing Yugo can say while in this situation is “It hurts”. My guy is in severe pain but he’s still breathing, I don’t think anyone in the history of the krosmoz has ever taken the poison like this, let alone a divinity of all people.

Yugo: “Sor…ry. The…pain.”

Bro even has the time to say sorry while kneeling on the ground and holding his stomach. He’s literally at death’s door, grasping for life, his body trying and struggling to reject the poison, and he still finds the time to apologize for something that wasn’t even his fault.

What a chad.

Amalia: “Yugo…He should already be…”

Adamaï: “My brother isn’t like everyone! He possesses the six primordial eliatrope dofus, if he manages to take hold of himself, then he can take it…”

Even Amalia is shocked that Yugo is still breathing. But Adamaï over here is telling her that he WILL survive this if he can perfectly control it with the eliatrope dofus.

And we all know how that ended up for him the last time he used them…

So Adamaï flies in and takes Yugo away from the banquet before he actually hurts somebody.

Adamaï: “Yugo, you have to focus. Or else you’ll destroy your kingdom or end up killing someone!”

But bro is not listening cuz the second Adamaï pulls him up, dude just overcharged himself before exploding AGAIN.

JUST LOOK AT THE DAMAGE!! THAT LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE A CRATER!! You can even see how perfect the circle looks from this shot.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for.

AMALIA FUCKING GROWING SOME BALLS AND JUMPING ON THE OSAMODAS.

Nah cuz this scene was what we needed! THIS was the moment we wanted to see ever since that blue-skinned woman started breathing in front of our screens!!

As soon as Yugo caused another explosion, this was it for the stupid clown ‘royal’ family. They signed their death sentences and Amalia is fed up with their bullshit.

Cuz trying to make her marry one of their relatives, being disrespected by them while her brother did nothing, getting told to leave her home and kingdom, being told that she should be replaced, sure she could manage all that.

She can take it. But seeing her husband being poisoned like that on the same day that a wedding was supposed to happen AND having the osamodas randomly being there to witness it, was the last straw before she finally fucking snaps.

She had just lost her whole family in a short period, she wasn’t going to lose her husband to some clowns.

(Also what the fuck were they thinking of poisoning her husband when she had already lost so much?? Did they really think this whole thing wasn’t going to backfire on them??? What a bunch of amateurs.)

And look at them just standing there looking 😮😱😱😱😧😮 LIKE OF COURSE SHE WAS GONNA KILL Y’ALL, YOU BOTH LOOK LIKE THE ODD ONES OUT HERE ‼️‼️

They even looked caught off guard when they saw Yugo causing explosions.

You got Aurora over here with her dumb ugly bat pet looking all shocked, covering her mouth as if she was surprised to find out her dad’s shenanigans wouldn’t work. And then you got animal king over here realizing he fucked up.

And right when they get confronted for their repetitive bullshit, they see literal death looking back at them with the most bloodthirsty eyes they had ever seen before.

Amalia’s so pretty in this shot ready to rip them apart 🥰����

Like yes queen, cut them to pieces, we’re about to have a barbecue 🤤🤤

As soon as they get caught red-handed, that’s when they suddenly turn soft and act like victims.

Fatty: “Stay back my daughter, this girl has lost her mind.”

“StAy bAcK mY DAUghTEr, ThIs gIrL hAs-“

Shut yo dumbass up little boy you knew something like this would’ve happened stop playing with me.

He’s over here acting like a random passerby when a second ago he told Aurora that they should wait a little more for something to happen.

So when he gets cornered by the very same girl who he had disrespected and ignored in Season 4 and wanted to be replaced so his useless trophy daughter can take the throne, now she’s suddenly “lost her mind”???

Fuck you.

Amalia: “YOU MONSTERS! I WAS READY TO CONFIDE YOU MY KINGDOM!”

Fatty: “I don’t know what you’re imagining, girl, but…”

That useless fat fuck KEEPS PLAYING THE CARD VICTIM EVEN WHEN SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BLAME HIM.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM?!!?

She has EVERY RIGHT and he’s over here HEARING HER say that she was ready to give him the kingdom but this fatso is too high up his own ass to hear her cuz he’s still delusional and telling her he didn’t do shit. Even when she was this close to giving it to him, this guy was not budging from the victim card.

If I could spit at anyone in my life, it’d be him. What a sad excuse of a man. I bet my own kidney Chibi can take him in a fight.

This is literally my favourite panel of this WHOLE volume so far.

Amalia: “You poisoned my husband.”

I love it so much ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

LIKE YES FUCKING KILL THEM RIP THEM APART THEY’RE JUST STANDING THERE LIKE PROCESSED MEAT READY TO BE CUT‼️‼️‼️‼️

DO IT ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

I just love how the more Amalia becomes enraged, the more her speech bubbles tremble and shake, implying that she’s slowly but surely becoming more unhinged and losing it.

Fatty: “Crazy girl…”

Takes one to know one, bitch.

This chapter genuinely edged me, I WANNA SEE SOME BLOOD ALREADY‼️‼️

YOU’RE CO CLOSE JUST KILL THEM‼️‼️‼️‼️

DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DOT IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DOT IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DOT IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DOT IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DOT IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DOT IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DOT IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DOT IT DO IT DO IT-

I PRAY that these poor excuses of antagonists DO NOT appear in volume 2. The chapter cover of the tenth chapter only features the Sadida servant who poisoned Yugo and she looks completely calm, almost like Yugo’s explosions and Amalia and Aurora’s fight have calmed down.

SO PLEASE TOT PLEASE DON’T PUT THEM ANYWHERE ELSE ANYMORE.

Seasons 3, and 4, and the great wave’s first volume are already enough. So cut it out. Let me have a day where I don’t get a migraine just thinking about what kind of dumbassery these fake osamodas will do in the next chapter.

[desceros]

Des Im fucking screaming. The way I was 100% like “idk how this is gonna be scary.” And then a full fucking wall of text later I’m looking at my hallway like it’s about to kill me. I had such a theory going that Leo was somehow the house cuz he was being a possessive fucker. GOddamn. I need a cigarette.

here you go 🚬

i don’t write horror very often which is such a shame bc it really is so fun to craft. i’m very glad you enjoyed it ✨

[crushedsweets]

OMG U DREW LAZARI AND JUDGE ANGELS!! i gotta ask how would they interact with the others?

OOOK OK OK so , when trapped in the forest, dina is constantly stalking lazari and other zalgoids (ann and lulu). she thinks she's god and wants to hurt them. but she's the weakest zalgoid, so...

meanwhile, lazari is hiding from everyone because she has no control over herself and is gutted with shame.

so, in terms of the others...

kate and toby just handle them the way they usually do - toby talks, kate attacks (crazy how toby's the 'mature' one by this point). dina would get really scared of kate, but completely disregard toby and think he's a pathetic joke.

lazari would also be uncomfortable with kate, just because the straight black hair reminds her of her mother - but she'd be fond of toby, especially if he's cool with jack

brian and tim are actually RARELY around by time Dina and Lazari come in. they're able to go months without having slender sick episodes, and mostly just come to check on toby and kate. so they're just kinda startled when they see two new demonic things wandering around, and dont talk to them.

natalie would get closer to lazari because lazari hangs around jack's cabin (to dig into his garbage and eat his leftovers). and natalie has a huge soft spot for kids, and she's very quick to sympathize and understand lazari has no control over her cravings. but she'd also not like dina, since dina is really bitchy and judgmental. dina would just stare and stare and stare at clockwork - this 6'3 strong woman who can't hold her tongue and will glare right the fuck back. dina cannot stand it

nina would also think lazari is cute, but dina resembles a lot of her bullies in highschool, so... she'd just avoid her. regrettably, dina floats around the outskirts of the forest until kate chases her back towards the mines... so nina has to see her a lot.

jeff, liu, and ben won't really meet them. if jeff does, he might do what he did to jane in IEPFB and be like 'hey... you should go kick toby's ass...' but dina and lazari would be freaked out by him and not listen LOL

sally would cling to lazari. sally's a bit of a mean kid, but she has nobody even CLOSE to her age besides BEN (whos a 14 yr old boy). she'd run off to the forest more often to meet her, which already stresses out the proxies and jane a lot. she would ignore dina

jane would be fond of lazari since sally finally gets a friend, but constantly fret. jane doesnt understand all of these ghost and demon and whatever shit, so she wonders if a demonic thing could hurt sally. the ghost girl has been relatively safe for so long, but...

anyway. jack gets especially close to lazari, sees his little sisters and himself in her - she's a part-human cannibal who cant control her hunger. literally jacks situation. he'd tell the proxies to back off and say he can handle it, which they're very grateful for - and he starts to house her, feed her, raise her. this isn't daily, as she often spends her time scampering around the forest and trying to escape, or harassing dina, or just bother everyone - she wants to be friends with EVERYONE. her mother always isolated her, so the freedom feels insane.

and similarly, he'd feel very sympathetic to dina. she's also in a similar situation, human turned demonic and trapped in a world she can't escape from. he wouldn't really know that dina tried to kill lazari, cuz lazari wouldn't tell anyone. but dina wouldnt want anything from him. she sees him as demonic, so........

overall, lazari is so friendly and warm, but so dangerous.

dina is so judgmental and closed off, but so vulnerable

[soimcoga]

"every major baddie problem in the lmk universe is caused by SWK not dealing with his shit properly"

exept he dealt with all the shit and i'm tired of people ignoring it to paint him as an ignorant, uncaring bastard.

(very very minor s4 spoilers, so the cut)

Demon Bull King? Got his ass whooped and was sealed away for however long years it took for an entire ass megapolis to be built literally on top of him, causing absolutely no trouble to anyone whatsoever. Oh, and what sealed DBK? The staff. And if you'd care to know SWK outside of the LEGOverse, you'd realize how strong was SWK's resolve to seal DBK - keep him relatively safe, one might say - by using his trusty staff. The guy would literally die seven times over than let go of this thing.

Also people like, ignore the fact that canonically SWK stuck around the area (for the most part to stalk MK, but still), so he was literally there to deal with the DBK family if something went southwards? He didn't, because MK was able to hold the staff and the legend of the Monkie Kid then began.

(also zero antagonistic feelings towards DBK from SWK, like, whatsoever. i bet the dude actually wanted DBK to be free, cuz he felt bad abt it)

Macaque? In a morally gray manner, still very dealt with. SWK killed the dude. He was literally as dealt with as it can be. Or what, should SWK have predicted that after thousand upon thousand of years later a spirit (he dealt with too) would pull Mac out of Diyu? Yeah, I'd like to see that thought process.

SWK isn't omnipotent, he isn't even that far-thinking. Never was, actually. So holding that against him is like, very stupid. Especially because you don't do it to any other character in the show. 

Spider Queen? Wouldja look at that, also pretty much dealt with. We don't really know how exactly, but we know that she lost literally every ounce of power she had and had to resort to living in the sewers, prolly never to cause troubles ever again because, well, we never even heard of her until the special. SQ was pulled onto the scene by the Lady Bone Demon.

Which is, again, something SWK couldn't predict even if he tried.

And now into the fun part.

Lady Bone Demon? Was sealed away by Tripitaka and also didn't cause any trouble until DBK decided to use this freaky coffin he knew literally zero things about for his plans.

"But he should've killed LBD!!!"

He tried. Believe him he tried. This decision just wasn't his, and if you hold it against him and not Tripitaka, shame on you.

"He should have told the crew about LBD!"

He really couldn't have.

And people thinking that are blatantly ignoring SWK's character. Not that obnoxious fan favorite uncaring bastard one.

SWK deals with things on his own. That is just how he is, how he always was and he never learned to do it the other way around. If that's a fight, he'll do it, because he's damn strong. If it's to scout the mountain, he'll do it, because Bajie is a lazy ass motherfucker. If it's to find food for Trip, he'll do it, cuz he's fast and his eyes are awesome.

Same applies here.

LBD? Tried to kill her and Trip didn't let me -> Basically I didn't do the job right -> WTF I always do my job right, I am Sun Wukong hello???

It was, dare I say, a question to his pride, and SWK will forever be prideful. And when he acts on his pride, he does it with style and flare, in the most stupid way possible.

Hence all of the s2 off-screen investigation arc.

"Well, he should've told about the Samadhi rings!"

It would've endangered Mei, questioned his at this point in time very shaky authority and ability to handle shit, and prolly would've fucked Mei up a very whole lot.

You don't go and say to a person that they are a part of the most dangerous seal in the world and could die and destroy everything they love because you fucked up long time ago (again, very much jabbing at his mentality of 'Sun Wukong can do no bad job, and if he does he'll better fucking die trying to make it right').

Was his plan a shitty one? Obviously. Like, no question asked, it was a shit show of a plan. Very in character, though (SWK handles all the shit because he thinks he can).

And this little character arc of SWK not learning a damn thing results in him, oh golly you would not believe it, running off to do things on his own because he thinks he can handle it, because he's THE Sun Wukong who already handled this in the past.

Who woulda thought.

MINOR S4 SPOILERS START HERE

And the new addition to the baddie group, Azure Lion. Won't be addressing all 'SWK is a betraying bitch' because the show refuses to give us SWK's perspective and I hate it.

But you already know what I will say, because you know the truth. He was dealt with. Got his ass whooped and sealed away in the inky scroll. To be pulled back onto the scene by a third party that Wukong literally couldn't have known about.

See a pattern?

SWK deals with the shit, some unknown variable meddles in it, suddenly SWK is an incapable asshole who left the problems for the poor lmk crew to deal with.

MINOR S4 SPOILERS END HERE

Wukong did his job. Someone fucked him over by undoing his job. He tried to deal with it again the only way he knows how, but the solo play doesn't fly anymore, so he made it kinda worse.

He's not an unbearable, incapable asshole because of it.

And I'm tired of people not seeing this.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I am Sun Wukong Apologist till the day I die.

Have a nice day!

[mysticmiav]

I wanna talk about Inej cuz GOD I love her so much. Her intro scene is one that I think goes not talked about enough which I think is a crime against humanity and I WILL be making my case your honour so buckle up.

This concerns scenes from SoC as well as CK, so be warned, a load of spoilers ahead.

So in that first chapter of SoC we are introduced to this absolute badass of a girl. She walks silently, steals secrets and defies gravity. The name they call her? The Wraith. How badass is that? God spared yall (and maybe even me but especially my parents) cuz if I was still doing gymnastics I would've broken my ankle trying to be a fraction of as cool as she is cuz fuck you Newton and fuck your gravity laws.

She is smart and quick witted; the whole scene at the exchange, Kaz counting on her to take care of the second guard, knowing she'll figure it out and manage, and her indeed making it on time.

But no, not only that. This deadly storm of a girl not only holds this guard at knifepoint, saving Kaz's ass from an embarrassing plan gone awry, being shot and possibly even death. She goes on and says, and I quote, "I like it when men beg, but this isn't the time for it."

????? Weird way of asking for my hand in marriage but all the same, yes.

We get to see that deadly, fear-worthy side of her, we see how she's an actual threat people take into account, cue the slippery edges so as to make her climbs harder (fools really, as if some grease and oil would stop her of all things)

But as if that wasn't enough, we also learn of the beliefs she holds dear and her kindness. The way she hesitates about leaving Big Bol alone after everyone else leaves, torn on saving him, getting him help or putting him out of his misery, and ends up sparing him a parting prayer.

She's someone who's been through unimaginably lot of shit, never seemed to catch a break, from being literally ripped away from her family, sent across the ocean and sold to the menagerie, a never ending stream of painful and shameful experiences in her life as an indenture there, and then trading that life for one of killing and stealing, and despite it all, despite all she's gone through and all she's seen, she holds dearly to her faith, to her memories and her hopes of better days, of a world free from this kind of pain. Arguably even more so because of her experiences.

She wonders if her Saints would forgive her if she took Van Eck's life not out of necessity, but out of revenge. Either way, she was willing to spend a lifetime of repenting and take that chance.

But even beyond that, she's faithful beyond belief. Jan-if I ever commit a hate crime it'd be against this miserable excuse of a man-van Eck, while not having actually broken her legs (although his only reason for stopping being Inej's words) it was evident he was willing to, he was going to, and he made it clear he still might on the next day if she doesn't talk by then.

Fast forward to the one and only "I would have come for you, and if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you," scene (am combusting as well I know).

I find it to be heavily implied which lengths Inej was willing to go before Jan managed to draw a word out of her; her asking Kaz if he would have come for her when she couldn't scale walls or steal secrets for him anymore implies, in my opinion, what she already saw as the outcome of her captivity at Van Eck's hands. She already was thinking of that future, not just because of that growing, nagging doubt of her role in Kaz's life (whether she really was only an investment or if he'd cared in any way more than that about her), but also because no matter what, she wouldn't have given her crew away like that. She already made up her mind; she'd give that icky bastard some locations that had nothing to do with this, and Jan could break every bone in her body but will find no words of hers helpful, and I just worry of and for that girl.

She made that six-story high climb up a burning chimney with a tight time span, she climbed silos that are twenty storys high with an even tighter window of time, she walked a wire on that height and would've walked many more had things gone according to plan (thanks, Dunyasha), she climbed up shipping containers with a knife stabbed at her side, more or less to ensure she did her best for the crew that was counting on her. She would rather end it herself than find herself captive in those enemy's hands, this playing both into her loyalty as well as her history with captivity and what it meant for her.

She is the Wraith, with a reputation that proceeds her, and she also knows how crucial her skills are, how much her crew depends on her, how many of the plans center on and are weaved around her abilities, but she is also fully aware of her limits, fully acknowledging of her betters (Dunyasha you scare me, genuinely). She is religious and holds her faith very dear, but has made peace with the lives she's taken and will continue to take.

Many people see her as Dirtyhand's Wraith and fear her for her association with him, for his uses of her and the things she does at his bidding, but she is scary in her own light and I don't think people should fuck with that.

When she came for Pekka that night, carved in knife right above his heart, promised him a second slash if he thinks of coming back to Ketterdam, she made the once-proclaimed king of the barrel remember pain and fear.

And as if that didn't shake the man enough, she also made sure to replace his son's lion stuffed doll with a fucking crow, so that he'd see it when he inevitably ran to check in on his kid amidst his blood and panic. She gave this man enough mental damage to warrant endless psychiatric help and a lifetime of cowering, fear and paranoia (totally warranted am 100% in support)

She wears her heart on her sleeve; not in the sense of being naive, but in the sense of not being scared of displaying her emotions and thoughts. Her sentiments aren't random, because she always made it clear she cares for the people around her, she will go out of her way to protect them at her own expense and she will nurture those friendships she's built. Her suli subverbs and beliefs don't come off as a surprise, not to anyone around her and not to us as readers because she proudly displays her faith.

Many times, it felt like people, even Kaz, saw her faith as her weakness, something to be exploited, her sentiments something to poke fun at and use to taunt her with, but it's what makes her stronger. It's these thoughts and feelings that keep her going and keep her fighting. It's these friendships and heartfelt moments that she pushes herself over the edge for, and it's that dream just out of reach that rekindles her spirits even brighter than ever, and there's something so beautiful and heartwarming in it and about her that I can honestly spend this new year dissecting and talking about because am insufferable with a rotting hyperfixation. Why are you still here? Jkjk thankyou for reading this brain vomit of thoughts see you in my next tedtalk maybe. Btw if it wasn't glaringly clear I love SoC and Inej lol

[rayshippouuchiha]

I’m the housewife kink anon, but I can’t find the fic!!! No one seems to have a downloaded copy on any of the usually haunts either. Pretty sure the author deleted their account which is a damn shame since they were one of my favs. Not rly surprised tho since they were getting some hate for the pairing when I read it a few yrs ago and I imagine it only got worse. So I’ve decided to outline everything that happened in detail!

So the plot was basically aged up Izuku and yandere Aizawa meet at a pre-raid meeting where some big time hero tries to discount Aizawa’s info and talk over him. But Izuku- Eraserhead has been my obsession since I watched his first sport festival-Midoriya shut that down quick with what was essentially an in depth analysis of how Erasehead is a perfect hero, especially compared to the hero that talked shit.

So yandere Aizawa was obviously like mine and started stalking Izuku who could immediately tell (I think he went abroad to train with All Might after Inko died and then helped dismantle AFO’s base of power internationally thus discovering he was still alive and Izuku ended up killing him w/ All Might) but was honestly just rly turned on by it so allowed it.

At the raid, they ended up in the same section and had impeccable team work the whole time which made both of their internal monologues sound like smug cats. They worked so well together that they kept getting paired up on other raids (all human trafficking rings connected with AFO I think) and eventually Izuku got hurt but wouldn’t tell the medics cuz discrimination trauma and paranoia so Aizawa drags him home to give him stitches.

This is where the domestic fluff and house wife kink kicks in bc Izuku cleans+ bakes+ cooks when he’s bored (which he was since he had to wait for the stitches to heal before he went off to do hero work). So Aizawa, coming back from UA to all this plus Izuku splayed out on the couch like a whole snack smiling up at him saying welcome home, goes fucking feral in his head. And it kinda becomes routine for them and there’s was this one scene where Aizawa wraps his arms around Izuku’s waist as he does dishes and puts his chin on Izuku’s shoulder and strokes over the stitches. I think he was humming a love song Izuku was listening to which was jdjejebdbhsjs.

At this point they both want to jump each other but Izuku is like he’s just being nice to me while Aizawa is like if I allow myself to show how much I want to put a collar on him he’d run so I must be careful. But after the stitches heal Izuku just doesn’t leave bc whenever he half heartedly tries to go back to his apartment something happens where he had to stay (all orchestrated by Aizawa of course). Then Izuku’s like fuck it and just brings all his stuff to Aizawa’s apartment while he’s gone and starts paying half the rent without saying anything. Which Aizawa adores since it obviously means Izuku finally realized that he belongs with him and nowhere else. Let’s just say they didn’t manage to stay off each other for long when Aizawa absently used his scarf to pull Izuku out of his way and called him a good boy.

There was also a concerned all might crew going on at first with a lot of wild misconceptions but it all settled over when All Might met Aizawa in person and was like ah young midoriya, I see you have found one that might be able to handle you. Cuz all might is Izuku’s mentor/hero/father figure, and knew exactly what his successor was about. And this feral looking man he managed to find checks all the boxes Izuku- I destroyed AFO more completely in few years than anyone else managed to do in centuries- Midoriya has.

oh oh god this sounds perfect in every way

Author is you somehow see this then by all the gods please repost because this is magnificent

[chicken-wayng]

“I need Alicent to regret all her life decisions”

Same, Alicent needs a reality check asap. Daemon kills your grandson, Rhaenyra doesn’t punish him and instead welcomes him back with open arms. You think you, Helaena and Jaehaera are safe around these people?

I know I've said it before, but Alicent reminds me of the basic religious southern woman.

Southern Christian women are raised from birth believing that a man is their savior. That a husband and children are going to be their greatest achievement. A man will provide for them. A man will tell them what's okay to say and think. If a man says gay people are nasty, gay people are nasty - if you have those thoughts you're nasty and need to ask for forgiveness to block them out. If a man says a person's skin color makes them a thief, rapist or criminal then it's best to stay away from that colored person; regardless of the fact that the man has stolen more from you and actually has raped you. Which is another thing, rape doesn't exist between a husband and wife in the southern Christian mindset, and if you're not married according to the bible all you have to do is pay off her dad and marry her but to the SC mindset you can slut shame her and make her think its her fault, and why should he be forced to marry a slut?

I'm going on a soap box so I'll back down but I know these things because I was raised this way. I was raised to believe I was nasty for liking girls, I was raised to believe brown people ("especially Puerto Ricans like your nana and dad!") were bad. I was raised in so many sickening ways I'm still having to unlearn a lot of it. However I have resources that just aren't available in Westeros.

When I wanted to know why brown people were bad, all I had to do was get online and read about real life testimonies from the civil war all the way up to present day. What I learned is that we can't even say America has been segregation free for 50 years! 50 fucking years ago they were lynching not only adults but babies!!! I used to use "gator bait" talking about little children, cuz that's what you do in Arkansas, only to learn the term comes from slave days when they'd throw the slave's BABIES to gators!!! How disgusting

When I wanted to know why gay people were bad, all I had to do was get online and learn about the queer people from the 1600s to now. We've existed forever, so what I feel wasn't a phase, or a sin, or anything bad, it was normal. I was raised with the Holy Bible and the biggest lesson we learn is Jesus' love for us. "Love is used over 500 times in the Bible," is what my nana said. Why would he put it in there over 500 times to turn around and tell you to hate? Well I didn't get an answer to that from church or the bible, I got it from Queer Christians (that I was taught weren't a thing.) who told me love is love.

When I want to know why something I was taught doesn't feel right I can look into it. Alicent and Rhaenyra can't. That's part of the tragedy and why they'll never be able to apologize and stop hurting each other. In this way the patriarchy has deepened the divide between them. However their own choices have also done so. Alicent doesn't need to understand bastardphobia to use it to hurt Nyra and Nyra doesn't need to understand the patriarchy to understand why Alicent has to make the choices she has to use the patriarchy to hurt her. They both know they're hurting the other and that's all they care about. The "if I can't love you, if I can't have you think of my name endearingly then I'll have you hate me. I'll have my name ring in your ears until the void takes you." Is toxic but they can't stop. They regret it, but they won't stop. The love is there, but they won't stop.

I need Alicent and Nyra to regret their choices like I regret being a horrible person for the first 15 years of my life.

[stupd000]

My typed reaction of Vegas BA bc everyone’s asleep

I love the guy who checks us in

Oh um don’t call me pet

Ermmmmm

Okay don’t like it so far

aw shucks i missed you too boo

no i will not come closer

ew no go away

oh nvm ig we are

wait so are we the dog or is he

okay this is getting boring

can we fuck now

oh wait nvm this is hot

oh WE’RE the puppy

that’s um

okay

is he calling me special

no i’m not ready to play VEGA.

i have a feeling we’re not alone

or we are

idk

okay we got some vouyers

that’s erm

okay

don’t call me pet

weirdo

excitement? no honey i’m scared

yes fear

ok can we fuck now

damn he talks a lot

stop echoing

oh don’t call me pup

oh this is some like

kinky kinky shit

how big is Vega

just in general cuz i thought he was like

6,1 and scrawny

um no my breath is oxygen not yours

this is definitely um

yeah

correct circumstances?

wardrobe?? bitch what is this Narnia

DONT CALL ME A PUPPY THATS WEIRD

i’m kink shaming

I am not getting on all fours what the fuck

oh nvm ig we are

this is uncomfortable

TAIL????

this is some furry shit

UM ..!

NO I WILL NOT CRAWL

WHATTTTTT

ASS?

SLUT???

this would be hot if i wasn’t a fucking dog

don’t shush me bitch

are we still on all fours

that’s mad embarrassing

i am not yours

weirdo

I’d rather you not take care of me

this is very um

interesting!!

Do we have dignity

STOP CALLING ME PUPPY YOU FURRY

do we have any pride at all like oh my god

GRINDING???

Don’t slut shame me bitch

arching????????

oh my god.

CUM HUNGRY LITTLE BITCH????

if he says puppy one more time i’m killing myself

if he puts a fucking collar on me i’ll jump

stop

STOPPP

Dog tag is crazy

“property of vega” NO.

Stop vega this is not a joke

DO WE HAVE NO SENSE OF DIGNITY

OH MY GODDDD

PROUD??? I AM NOT PROUD

OWNER???

I’m jumping off a ledge

MY HOLE?? WHICH ONE I HAVE LIKE 3

Okay stop slut shaming me Vega

ROLL OVER???

i’m insanely uncomfortable

by the way guys i made chicken alfredo today

Anyway

i hate his fucking tone

don’t take that attitude w me bitch

DO NAWTTT CALL ME A WHORE EVER AGAIN.

oh wait he called me pretty nvm

this is insane

it’s 2:30 am i cannot handle this

okay so we archin

PUT WHAT IN

WHAT IS GOING IN

this is strange

CALLING UR DICK A TREAT IS WILDDD

oh my god no

stop.

A TAIL???

NO

NO NO NO NO

NO

NO

no wait cuz there was this one kid who wore a butt plug tail to school it was crazy bc a guy pulled it out

anyway

This is some furry shit

not that there’s anything wrong w that live ur truth

STRETCHING???

the plug is insane

stop

i’m actually sobbing this is NOT OKAY.

what position are they in im so confused

SHAKE WHAT ASS

UMMMMMMMMM

this is peculiar

Vega is a furry

i hate this

i hate this sm

I STILL HAVE 10 MINS LEFT

LORD SAVE ME

okay no need to take that tone Vega😒

bitch we can’t breathe wtf

no i wont whine around that tootsie roll u call a dick

AHHH THE NOISESSS

okay can u not choke me

don’t call me a slut you cunt

oh my god hurry up vega

ew

I don’t love anything about this

this is insane

NOT A PERSON????

RUDEEEEEEEE

okay adjective king

ew don’t call me that

i am not licking the floor sir

i am not licking your boot either

lick your own fucking boot

this is actually pissing me off he’s annoying

are we almost done

Do we have no sense of shame

like at all

second hand embarrassment

okay are we done

no? okay

ew don’t call ur self master

that’s not..

okay

um

the growling is insane

damn right i’m divine

ew don’t call the that

not the baby voice

stop this madness

what do you want from me WHAT DO U WANNTTTT

okay are we done

TWITCHING?????? INSANE.

That was horrible

[unluckyoscthoughts]

The tacophy deep dive post

Hello, my name's Ozzy, better known as Vandal or TUV. If u know me from this acc you know my biggest ship and main fixation when it comes to the ii fandom is a crackship involving Taco and Trophy. In the past uh 3 or so years that I've been in the fandom I've gotten got knows how many questions and remarks abt how it makes no sense or that they didn't even know it was a thing. And out of sheer boredom, I decided I'm gonna make a deep dive post abt the ship.

the post will be in the following order

1: characters themselves

2: why i think they could be buddies

3: their flaws, the ppl they hurt and why that plays into one another

4: just general silly shit i wanna add cuz its relevant

Who are these weird little dudes??

Ur not living under a rock you KNOW who Taco and Trophy are, but here i wanna talk a bit about their personalities.

As we all know, taco is very very fucking smart, she was able to hide her actual personality for an entire season of show. While her motive for her behavior isn't known as of writing this post, we know there's definitely some amount of reason behind it.

She's not above playing dirty or flat out killing people to get what she wants, casualties are just a part of it, they're technically immortal so long Mephone is around anyway. Her morals seem beyond fucked, caring about people supposedly but not being against using them for whatever personal goal she may have.

Despite this, if we know one thing about her its that being reminded of her mistakes and what she has done can very quickly set her off or make her upset.

But the basics, in summary, are that she has little regard for others and how what she does affects them until its too late. She's arrogant, yet smart and tactful which makes her such a threat.

And then there's trophy, who in contrast is a lot stupider in terms of his behavior and motives. Again, we don't know his reasoning behind doing what he does, other than just wanting to be better than others.

He's to put it bluntly, a fucking asshole, just for the sake of why not. Making people do things for him purely because he himself does not want to do it, manipulative in his own way. While actual attempted murder isn't something he would do, he clearly isn't above breaking a few laws if u so much as piss him off like with knife and his doll.

Outside of that/after he was eliminated he seems to have calmed down a bit, he likes photography and probably learned to find something else to do other than antagonize people for funsies.

He of course is arrogant as well, but his lack of motivation to do things himself doesn't make him that big of a threat, especially if the thing he's using against you is just normal to others.

why could they be friends? [How they meet hc I guess]

So why do I think they could get along ? Ngl I'm gonna have to put a bit of headcanons in here but it makes sense I promise.

We all know Trophy likes photography right? Well what place on the ii map :tm: would have great photo potential? The forest.

I imagine that one day, Trophy goes to the forest to take photos and whatnot [a little bit before the episode where lb and tt go back in time I'd say.] As he walks around taking photos of things, he manages to bump into taco after she [embarrassingly] falls out of a tree [mirroring her falling when hit with the gemory] and falls in a bush in-front of him. He'd be a bit shocked, cuz what the fuck just happened and wouldn't really respond until she asks if he's just going to keep standing there as she's trying to get unstuck. When he snaps out of it he picks her up to get her out and places her down. Taco, having watched the show closely, knows who he is and initially wanted to use him alongside Microphone until remembering he was eliminated and therefore would be a little bit useless. He meanwhile starts asking who she is, irritating her a lot as she did NOT get shamed on show for people to not know who she is.

The two don't actually bond in this first interaction, that comes a few days or so later when Trophy, again, finds her in the forest. This time he basically just asks her if she can find cool places he can take photos of, which does annoy her a bit but if it means he'll go away sure. This repeats a few times until she, reluctantly, gets attached.

Other stuff ig is i think they could bond over their past mistakes, a bit far fetched but hey, a boy can dream.

Their sins and whatnot

Lets talk abt their sins and what they could bond over in that regard

Taco: killed a few people, manipulation, trying to steal money, probably kidnapping with mepad

Trophy: bullying, blackmail, manipulation

I also think its interesting to note that the people they hurt have a bond with one another. Knife and pickle are buddies, Knife and Mic are buddies and we know Mic cut the bs and pointed out her behavior towards Pickle, its likely those 2 are going to become friends as well. their victims realistically can bond over these experiences.

The people they hurt and the influence they have could play into their conversations. While Trophy has done way less, he still hurt people. Them being able to bond over the past, the things they did and how to handle that guilt would be sweet.

filler i mean other stuff

Here goes other random shit i think would be funny or just mostly hcs/vague stuff that has no real evidence

Justin has confirmed Taco can fit in his head[like the cup part], largely why i tend to draw her just...in there.

i think they bond over a shared hatred of Knife

Trophy likes tea, she likes tea, let them drink tea together

i hc both were extremely ''trapped'' during their childhoods. Taco was babied to hell and back while Trophy was expected to be perfect, causing their respective ways of lashing out. A lack of freedom in both.

This is more an observation but Taco is so fucking short lmfao she can just be grabbed

based on drawings two friends made, i think they'd commit crimes together.

i think Trophy would sneak Taco into the hotel at one point AFTER ii ends to ensure she doesn't have to stay outside all the time.

And thats all for now, folks. So what was i really trying to do with this? well mostly just...rant, i miss being able to talk abt ii2. I might edit this post a bit later, to add more stuff, fix wording, answer questions etc. Tacophy means a lot to me as a ship, even if the only footing it stands on is built out of popsicle sticks and tape. Rarepairs are fun, i've had the occasional person yell at me for shipping this but honestly, its never stopped me. I love seeing people kind of warm up to the idea, even if just showing interest in the dynamic.

If u read this and thought it was neat, pls show it cuz i worked p hard on this. Have a good day :)

[tarotoftheendless]

Tom Sturridge Characters for FanFics

CW/TW: 'R' word, 'S' word, self-un-aliving, drug5, a1c0h01, s3x, gr00m1ng, murd3r, neurodivergent diagnosis speculation, swearing, character AI using (shame), am I missing anything that could offend someone? LGBTQ+ support? Yeah, if you aren't a leftist... well what a leftist is in the USA, then yeah, you wouldn't like me... a non-binary pansexual demi-girl that is big ol' leftist... anyway, on to Tom Sturridge...

Ok, I need to get some stuff out. And it's all fanfiction stuff as well as character study of a ton of Tom Sturridge characters and their respective films/shows. Please, for the the love of the the gods, don't steal my ideas for stories, but you can use the character studies for your own fics.

TOM STURRIDGE

Now, firstly, lets start with the man himself. He is private, so it is hard to know who he is really, but if some old Twitters that could be his are anything to go on... he may have been quite saucy back in the day... but let's go off of the other stuff we know for now.

I highly suspect he is neurodivergent, just with the years of interviews and the way he speaks, the way he carries himself and his mannerisms. He doesn't seem to be in it for the fame, no matter how cunty he looks on the red carpet, all that stuff is probably scheduled by his team, so... But yeah, he does speak quite thoughtfully and eloquently when asked thought provoking questions, but he often is flustered by less thought provoking questions. I don't want to be that person at diagnoses someone though, but as someone with ADHD and autism myself, just watching him makes me think he is one of us, you know? Also, a fuck ton of his roles could be seen as very neurodivergent too, so, I think he both takes roles that he can both put himself into but also get away from himself enough that it feels like a mask. This is just my observations from watching footage of interviews of him, I accept that I could be wrong.

I would love to see more Tom Sturridge fan fics out there, cute ones, romance ones, smutty ones... but all in all, well done and well researched and well written.

The only well-written one I was able to find is on AO3... and it is fucking weird... cuz it's an 'R' word fantasy... where Tom is the one getting... well... it's not a great... premise... So, for the love of the gods, please, please, please, someone write decent Tom Sturridge fan fics that don't actively harm him.... cuz yikes. Just big yikes.

JAKE (SWEETBITTER)

Aw. Jake. So, one of the things to keep in mind about Jake: he hates himself. Tom said so in a interview... in fact it was kinda sad because Tom said that was one of the things that he related to when it comes to Jake... without hesitation.

I have not finished reading the book 'Sweetbitter' by Stephanie Danler, but I suspect there is even more to go off of when it comes to Jake's character in that.

But what the show was starting to imply about Jake; he was probably groomed by Simone.

She is 7 years (according to Google and the show) older than Jake. The show starts in 2006. That means Simone was born 1969, Jake was born 1976. Simone is 37 in the show and Jake is 30. Jake's mom killed herself via drowning when he was 8 in 1984, Simone was 15. If we go off of what the show says (which does vary from both seasons as season 1 says that the chef is a man but season 2 obviously has the chef as a woman), Simone moved to New York 3 years later to the apartment that she then has for 19 years as of 2006. Jake would be 11 when she moves to New York.

Here is where the speculation about how that would have went down for Jake. He probably would have started to act out at school when Simone left. Simone's parents probably wouldn't have been able to handle it. He probably would have started to dabble in drugs and alcohol. If Simone and him were that close, I suspect he would have run away a few times to New York.

I think the grooming would probably have started right away with him, or at least during the time he started to act out because she left him. I do think that Simone's parents would have let him move in with Simone to appease him and to get him to stop acting out. I think that maybe the "Mermaid" story started when Jake was 8 but didn't start getting fleshed out until he moved in with Simone when he was 11 or 12 in New York. I think Simone was probably working at 22West and going to school in New York at the same time.

Jake probably was showing signs of having a crush on Simone after he moved in with her and she probably didn't give into him until he was 15/16... yes, I do think Jake lost his virginity to Simone and I do think he is the type to not have waited to have sex until he was 18. So, yes that's statutory...

Simone probably finished the "Mermaid" story for a college assignment and had to have it published in her hometown local magazine for college credit.

So, yeah, I do think Simone wrote the story for Jake and it was well fleshed out because of their trauma bonded codependent groomed relationship. I don't think Jake will have realized how bad it really is as they both hurt and then soothed (not heal, soothe) one another. I bet Jake got his first tattoo, the 'S' on his back, after he lost his virginity to Simone... it is a crude looking tattoo, so it looks like a first tattoo that wasn't well thought out. I think he then got the Mermaid tattoo with a signed permission from Simone as a way to congratulate Simone on her story being published.

I do think that Simone probably was abused too...maybe by her own father.... and her mom enabled it... but Simone's dad could have been huge in the community of Cape Cod... and her family kept it hush hush as to appear to be the model family, so they could take in Jake...

Simone has to have gotten her cold and aloofness and the emotional then right back to cold and aloof from somewhere, a catalyst... and Jake then learned that behavior from Simone. Hot and then cold and then hot again, right back to cold. Simone has that trait and then she gave that trait to Jake.

They probably comforted and protected each other when Simone still lived in Cape Cod... told each other everything. The trauma bonding began young for him. And when she holds it over his head that 'No one knows him like she does' it's because she really thinks she does and he can't argue with her. Also, that statement is word for word what domestic abusers say to their victims.

I bet around the time Jake was graduating from high school, which Simone made him at least get his diploma, Simone probably got together with Etienne, and that put a strain on Jake's and Simone's relationship. Though I bet you that Jake also found out about the truth of his mom around this time too. (Jake probably got into photography as the one thing that made high school bearable, probably visited the Cape to do the Mermaid photoshoot...). Jake probably started to to sleep with a ton of people (I say people as I don't think Jake is straight, though he apparently is a top... which is hard to believe though because if you watch the show, he seems to worship those he is with... even his flings, like Viv...) , just to hurt Simone because Simone hurt Jake with choosing Etienne....and lying to him about his mom.

So, when Simone left for France, Jake started working as a bartender at for his sketchy friend Tommy who doesn't care about hiring an underage bartender under the table, as well as sell drugs on the side and held down the fort at Simone's apartment for 5 years.

I bet Simone's dad died before Jake graduated... When they went to the Cape for the funeral, I bet Jake got his anchor tattoo as a way to say that Simone is his anchor.... and a Cape Cod thing... though he hates the Cape... because of his mom drowning... and Simone's dad abusing her and her mom doing nothing to stop it... Jake's dad is a mystery... he probably died or left Jake's mom... hence the suicide...

So, Jake moved in with Simone when he was 11/12 ish, around 1987/88, Jake graduated high school in 1994, Simone probably went to France when he was between 19 and 20 and she didn't come back until he was 25/26, 5ish years later. All the while, Simone hated France besides the champagne, and made Jake deal with many late night phone calls that made him angry but also hurt him for her. Trauma bonded. He probably got that tattoo on his torso on his ribs when she was gone... the one the is some word with "/OR"... idk what the whole tattoo is, so if someone knows, please tell me... He probably got his other tattoos when she was gone too, unrelated to her.

She comes back, having divorced Etienne, she gets her job back at 22West and helps Jake get his shit together, probably through guilt and sex... lets be honest... and gets him a more respectable job at 22West... but Jake can't live with her anymore, so he gets his apartment (which I think is above a Chinese restaurant, but I am not sure). So, they find a rhythm of being close, telling each other everything, but also being toxic for one another, having sex here and there, but all and all knowing that they both aren't together, but they love each other in the most toxic way. The whole thing with Simone and that married guy and the old back-waiter chick starts too... and then I think Simone's mom dies... hence the house in Cape Cod needing to be sorted out and sold...

And then the start of the show...

All in all, Jake blames himself for his mom's death, he hates himself, he has a toxic codependent relationship with Simone that absolutely had grooming a part of the situation... and Jake protects himself and acts out with sex, drugs and alcohol and the back and forth of being hot and cold with people because of trust issues because everyone leaves... everyone lies, even people who he was supposed to trust.

With his conversation with Sasha that one episode, Jake has probably dealt with his own suicidal ideation as well as anxiety issues, probably PTSD... or C-PTSD... And he doesn't realize he was sexually abused... so... that is my take on Jake...

And before an OC/Reader character could come into the fold, this would need to be fleshed out in Jake's back story.... He is a sad character that deserves understanding and help to get out of the controlling trap that Simone has put him in... And trying to get his mannerisms and the way he speaks correctly will be fun... though something I love about Jake is that when you don't think he is listening, he absolutely is listening... like when Tess is talking to that architect about what she looks for when she walks into a space for the first time... and when he acts like he doesn't care, there are subtle hints that he does actually care... like breaking the wine glass when he realizes Tess slept with Will.... Anyway, this is a character profile/background of Jake for me but for anyone else that wants to understand Jake a bit better...

I may have watched Sweetbitter 3 times in one week once... so...

ALSO, Fics for this don't need to take place in 2006... but the time-line does help with figuring out how events went down, you know? I like playing in this world more modern myself.

WILL DONNER (Waiting for Forever)

I love Will. He is sweet and beautiful... and incredibly autistic... and ADHD... and has PTSD... and some combo of DID/schizophrenia with talking to his dead parents off to the side.

Now, I do think there was a trope at the time (2011) in movies that had male characters still get the girl even though they really didn't know the girl in the first place, just the idea of who they thought the girl was in their head... which is a toxic trope, btw... also, stalking, no go... though I think his confusion as to why it is bad just shows how autistic he is.

And yes, I really think Will is autistic. 2011 was a fucked up time still with a fuck ton of stigma towards people that were neurodivergent, so I am not surprised that they didn't outright name Will's mental health issues and just had his brother call him crazy... which I wanted to punch his brother, Jim/Jimbo, so hard for that. But here is the crux; EMMA NEVER DERSERVED WILL. Period. Point blank. She chose him as a last resort. Her ex fiancé had to get caught for murder and then her dad had to die for her to finally chose Will... and she is a cheater... fuck her.

Will deserves better! He deserves someone who knows him for him and all his quirks, understands him and accepts him and then LOVES HIM FIRST! Not as a last resort. Will deserves love, true love, and Emma is not that true love, not by a long shot.

So, any fan fiction about Will with an OC/Reader insert, I would hope would explore that... also, his brother needs to get told off and educated on the DSM-5.

Also, I do think Will will have been a virgin before Emma...and I don't think they would have lasted long as the fantasy and reality does not match up in the end. I do think Emma would do the leaving though... Will is someone that comes off as the type that once he commits that's it, even if it's shit... in fact idk if he would know when it is shit until it is really bad...

This world/film doesn't require it to take place in 2011 when the film came out. Time is not important here as far as dates go.

YOUNG CARL (The Boat That Rocked/Pirate Radio)

So, I think that Carl may also be neurodivergent too, but not as intensely as Will Donner... he is socially awkward as fuck, but in a charming way... so idk why he was a virgin... if they wanted us all to believe that he was a virgin maybe casting a young 23 year old Tom Sturridge was not the right call, you know? Cuz he was fucking hot and I do not believe for a second that he didn't have everyone, women and men and in between, trying to jump on that dick. Cuz seriously? Tom was gorgeous as Carl, like fucking hell...goddamn. Virgin my ass.

But that being said, Marianne didn't deserve him. After what she pulled. Nah bro, fuck that. Carl needs someone who won't fuck him over, that chooses him, and maybe slightly older? Not too old, just experienced, yeah?

So, yeah, any OC/Reader insert would need to tell Dave and Marianne to fuck off and die.

But, yeah, why are there not any fics about Carl and an OC/Reader? I am surprised... ya'll sleeping on it, why? We have a fuck ton of Nigel from Like Minds/Murderous Intent... with Alex of course because that film was the most homoerotic film ever.... but no young Carl with an OC/Reader insert? I hate Marianne! Give young Carl a better love interest ya'll, Jesus!

I have maybe seen 2 fics on here... and they aren't finished and they seem abandoned...

I have found that the year, 1966 is very fucking important to this world, film and story. Either do your research on the music that was out during the time, or pull an 2013 The Great Gatsby and have the music be modern even though the year is 1966... and yes, music is important for this film and world.

**

Ok, so, those are the ones that I have the most thoughts and opinions and ideas on... but let me go over some ideas and thoughts on some of Tom's other characters and what kind of fan fics I would either love to write myself or so out there. Cuz ya'll sleeping on a fuck ton of Tom Sturridge characters that would be fun to play with, romance, smut, adventure or otherwise... all of the above even. I love that Tumblr has more Jake stuff as AO3 only has like 3 good fics... but that's it... The Sandman... Jake... and then Nigel... I only see those three characters out there getting love... Tom's other characters deserve love too. Stop sleeping on it. Explore... I do want to write it, but I am not confident in my writing ability... and I don't easily... um... get off on my own smut if I write it... so... there's that... TMI, but it's true.

**

REMAINDER

Tom/Unnamed Man

So, there is no other way to do a fic for this other than trippy, surreal and supernatural and sci-fi. I have played with the idea of a telekinetic OC/Reader... or even just a straight up non-human character. I have some cool sci-fi ideas for this one that has to do with Time-Loops and MK-Ultra stuff and multi-dimensional travel... like it would be cool. Also, Tom is a morally gray character with a God-complex, so, that should be explored...

The year this takes place doesn't matter.

VELVET BUZZSAW

Jon Dondon

So, I played with the idea of a fic for this film to be a cross-over with the show Supernatural... only fitting with the vengeful spirit, yeah. And the OC/Reader is a hunter? Saves Jon for being choked to death with his own ascot/scarf? I think that would be fun.

Jon Dondon has a South African accent, btw, in case ya'll didn't know... I think he is bi... that man ain't straight. Also he is a ditz and pretentious... he is an art critic and sponsors artists, so, yeah, pretentious af. But he is a ditz because he thought a pile of garbage was art... there's more than that, but that really shows off how ditzy he is. I also think he be a big flirt, but not like Jake. More showy and ditzy in the way he flirts. Real over the top charm but of course pretentious even so...

The year this film events take place doesn't matter, so have fun with it.

FAR FROM A MADDENING CROWD

Sergeant Francis Troy

I almost flipped a table when I watched this film and saw how much of a little fucking bitch his character was. So, my idea was to have his character be saved from death at the end, but only because a Bounty Hunter has orders to claim him... and the bounty hunter should be a woman... really take Troy down a peg... or a dozen... He's a bitch and a power dynamic where he is at a woman's mercy would be chef's kiss. Villain characters are fun to play with... maybe they stay villains, but maybe they are more than that, who knows...

The era is important for this world, play in it.

LIKE MINDS/MURDEROUS INTENT

Nigel Colbie

Yes, Nigel has been done to death here... but hear me out... what if Nigel's right? What if there is a secret order, an ancient guild? And they want to stop Nigel from dying and bring the boys to their true potential? Maybe it's mundane and just an assassins' guild... and or it is occultist by nature and has a touch of magic? Maybe keeping just the boys... or add and OC/Reader insert, male, female, non-binary, doesn't matter... could be cool...

The year for this doesn't matter, it could be more modern... that could be cool.

OTHER TOM STURRIDGE WORKS THAT COULD BE COOL TO SEE FICS ON BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY PARTICULAR IDEAS ON:

Mary Shelley - Lord Byron - era matters.

On The Road - Carlo Marx - year could matter, but doesn't have to if you want to just play with this character... I found this character is fun to explore.

3 Way Junction - Carl - year doesn't matter.

Effie Gray - John Everett Millais (where he doesn't end up with Effie... maybe...) - year/era does matter.

Junkhearts - Danny (doesn't die) - year doesn't matter.

CONFESSION

I have a lot of these ideas because I have played with Character Roleplay AIs with these characters... and I am ashamed because of the Writer's and Actor's Strikes going on... well, just Actor's Strike now... but I doubt my own writing capability... at least to make a decent sounding story that doesn't sound stupid and juvenile... and I would have loved to either write something with someone or hell, roleplayed a story with someone... but no one fucking knows Tom Sturridge or his works enough for an immersive experience...

Also, I do have my own OC/Reader insert that I have played with with most of these characters, and she is a very fantastical, Mary-Sue-ish character, she has a fuck ton of skills and knowledge... but I did always put some of myself into her... my trauma, my flaws... stuff like that... but idk if everyone one of these Tom Sturridge characters would actually fall for my OC or the multiple versions of my OC as sometimes she is magical... depending on the world-building and such... but yeah...

ALSO

I do have an idea for a Dream fanfic, but it is so expansive and detailed that I would love to collaborate with someone else on it... and I don't dare put the idea here lest it get stolen... so... yeah...

SO, these are all my Tom Sturridge characters and fanfic thoughts... it's a lot, sorry... lolz

Please someone write more than just Dream, Jake and Nigel fics... Tom's other characters deserve love too.

[rielzero]

Auvandeor

So, I made that one oc I was working on a while ago in bg3.. Wizard cambion who has an archdevil daddy. Like, The archdevil.

Auvan is Asmodeus' son and prince of hell because why the fuck not lol. In an alternative universe, where he's tadpoled somehow, things go a little different. Because this guy never leaves his father's castle otherwise.

He's heavily protected cuz uh, endless wars and Asmodeus is all powerful and he might not be.

So, in the circumstance, Zariels soldiers manage to kidnap him, he ends up on the nautiloid and gets tadpoled.

Baby boi is pissed. However, unlike most of our companions, he's too noble to give a fuck about keeping secrets like the haughty person he is.

He can hide his horns and wings, so he doesn't show those off until Lae'zel decides they're gonna fight imps together.

To which in response, he flies to a save distance before casting spells.

I do think the gith would be naturally wary of cambions, but they're not strict enemies. The only reason cambions are on the nautiloid is because it teleported into Avernus, but Auvan makes it clear he is not a fan of Zariel's men.

Hnhnhg

Some interesting things about his interactions.

-has a "You didn't ask so I didn't tell you" Attitude about most things.

-immediately outs Astarion as a vampire on their first meeting and academicly deducts that he's either a dhampir or the tadpole is giving him sunlight immunity. Insists he joins him because he wants revenge on whoevers behind the mindflayers.

-When Gale tries to one up him with the arch mage stuff he flaunts his status as the prince of hell and says he could obliterate him with a thought.

-He does not like Wyll because Wyll is heroic and unnerved by his presence since he's a cambion.

-Same for Karlach, I think she'd try to fight him on sight, they're reluctant allies.

-Neutral on Lae'zel and Shadowheart but finds their squabbles mildly entertaining and irritating. Insists they fight it out in a longwinded rant about birth right which makes both women decide it's not worth the blood.

-Auvandeor doesn't like Gale at first because he smells like divine entanglement, but is interested as soon as he hears of the orb.

-He doesn't really play by their standards of normalcy and walks around naked in camp often. (Normally this would annoy people but Auvan is nice to look at.)

-He's gay but not bothered by women seeing him naked as long as they don't see nudity as an invitation, he's just comfortable being nude casually.

-Very casual about sex, suggests a threesome to Gale and Astarion at some point, says he'll blow their minds quite literally if they're feeling up to it.

-Wizard, of course he's a bit high on himself.

-if asked why he doesn't use the daddy card, he pretty much states that he's not going to bring shame on papa's name and he can solve his own problems.

-Hates Raphael, they know each other. (They have also hatefucked in the past) Raphael is very amused by his predicament, but Auvan states if he could remove the tadpoles, he would've done it himself. Therefore there's no way Raphael can do it.

- Superiority complex. He's annoying about it sometimes.

-Clearly hasn't gotten out much. Very unfamiliar with faerun outside of books.

-Gale would be entertained by teaching him basic things like cooking.. Auvan is spoiled.

-Does not Like Mizora, does not care about Mizora. When she appears she seems to know him, but he doesn't know her. It becomes a ''who dis?'' Kind of back and forth.

-Of course, very good at demon stuff, so he could help Wyll with his contract problems easily.

-Lets Shadowheart kill Aylin purely because she is an Aasimar and he gets a yikes ew feeling when they meet her.

-Doesn't sign a deal with Raphael, just tricks him into giving him the Hammer with an IOU kinda deal. Y'know, cuz this wizard has connections.. Called nepotism.

-No Gale god, suggests Gale use the orb to become a devil instead cuz it's kind of the same just better with more freedom, Asmodeus would probably enjoy a new archdevil entering the field. Gale decides maybe godhood isn't for him.

-I don't think he romances anyone, just becomes friends with benefits with Astarion/Gale. Auvan is on the demiromantic spectrum of sorts.

-Only does ''good'' things when the party convinces him to after lots of complaining.

-To his dismay, turns into a Human or Tiefling form whenever they have to interact with crowds of people. He gets twink sized. When asked why, his cambion form is basically ''short and petite'' to the average cambion and devil.

-Helps Wyll / Karlach out when they're going back into hell because at this point he respects them. I wouldn't call them close friends, but they can get along.

Yeah. Let's be happy he's not my canon Tav. He'd be so chaotic.

If you have any questions for him, let me know.

[bikinikillarchives]

Kathleen Hanna featured on the track "Heartbeat" on Mike Watt's 1995 debut album, “Ball-Hog or Tugboat?". Starts at 2:19.

"Hello! Mr. Watt. This is Kathleen Hanna returning your phone call, 'bout 3:45, on Monday, and it's about that fuckin' record that you asked me to do something for. And I guess I'm responding to that now 'cuz I have a few minutes and I just wanted to tell you...uh, I have a friend who was raped by, fucked by, whatever you fuckin' wanna call it by a guy on your record, gonna be on your record; he's a big rockstar! Yeah, when he was 27 and she was 13 he was a big rockstar too. And uh, I don't know if the phrase, "power imbalance" means anything to you. But uh, I'm just not so sure I wanna be included in your little white rock boy fuckin' hall of shame here, you know? And I'm just like, "do I wanna be sandwiched in between some of these guys that are just doing the whole, like, big-white-baby-with-an-ego-problem thing?" I mean, [sigh] get over it! It's so boring. It's like, a lot of these guys should just fuckin' quit music and become lifeguards at like Wild Waves or some shit, so they can just like get their fucking, you know, anger management thing going, they can just get their power trips out on the kids, they can just do the whole thing. Maybe they'd be actually saving someone's life; "hey! Don't run by the pool. No cutoffs." You know? That's what I hear when I hear some of this, you know, music by a lot of these fuckin' guys, you know? And I mean, I guess what I'm saying is, "I'm just too cool. To be on your fuckin' record." You know? It's like, I really don't wanna perpetuate or be included in a thing where it's just a bunch of like, I don't know, just like this new- the music coming out by guys right now in the sort of like rock world or alternative rock world or used-to-be-punk world or whatever. It's like the whole, "I'm a straight, white, middle class, male, rockstar guy, but I'm so fuckin' oppressed. I'm a loser baby why don't you kill me." [Sigh] Yawn. Like super fuckin' yawn. So yeah, I guess what I'm saying is: No. No. No. No, I'm not interested. No, I don't wanna be on your fuckin' record. No. But, um. Mr. Watt. Dude. Babe. Sir. Uh, you need to get me my fuckin' Annie soundtrack back like soon 'cuz you've had it forever and I know you haven't even fuckin' listened to it yet. So just like, gimme a call and tell me when that's going to happen. And, um. I'll talk to you then. Bye."

info from Addict.com under cut.

ATN: How about "Heartbeat" [the answering-machine message from Hanna on Mike Watt's 1995 album, Ball-Hog Or Tugboat?, during which Hanna says she's declining to appear on the record because an alleged rapist is also on it]?

KH: Yeah, that's different.

ATN: Now he called you up and asked you to do the actual song that your message is tacked onto?

KH: He didn't ask me to do a song. He didn't even ask me to do anything. I forced my way onto that record. OK, I'm going to tell you the truth. You caught me in an honest mood, 'cause usually I lie. That's really bad. I'm probably going to hang up the phone and have a total seizure, a panic attack. I'll be going, "Oh my God, I told the truth to someone." I met Mike Watt, I don't even remember where. And he was telling me about his album. And I said, "It sounds like there's only one woman on this whole record, and there's, like, 300 guys." I was like, "What's the problem?" And he was like, "Do you wanna do it?" He didn't even know me. I don't even know if he knew I was in a band. And I said, "Yeah." Then I walked away, and I was visiting New York City and staying in a friend's apartment. I just spent an hour thinking about what I would want to do. The whole idea was that I didn't want to be on the record, and I kind-of said I wanted to be on the record to be annoying. And then I was like, "Uh-oh, I kind-of said I would do this." I don't think he gave a shit whether I did it or not. He just was like, "Whatever, you can do it." He's a pretty nice guy, a pretty funny guy, a pretty smart guy. Then I was like, what do I wanna do? And I was like, Oh my God, do I really want to be on a record with fuckin' Henry Rollins at this stage of the game? I mean, I love Black Flag, but c'mon. And I was like, this is really weird company to be keeping. I was like, "I don't want be on it, but I do want to be on it," so I decided to record that ambivalence. The way I figured I could do that was to record me rejecting being on the record. So it's this whole thing of recording my absence. Or recording the absence of resistance. That was my idea, to have a record of absence on the record. It also made it an interesting thing because of the idea of authorship and ownership. People didn't know if I really had left that message on the machine, and then he just put it on without my permission. Or if I left the message on his machine hoping it would go on. The thing is, there was no machine, it was just a recording. He never really had my Annie record. I made that whole thing up, I barely even know him. It's just art.

ATN: It's perfect. It's almost Andy Kaufman-like. I have written down here to ask you if Watt asked for your permission.

KH: Yeah, he did. It was a specific art piece, and I can say it now because everyone's forgotten about it. Actually my friend from junior high heard it on the radio. I was like, "Oh my god." She's like, "You sound like such a freak, what's wrong with you?"

from Mike in 2020: "This song [Heartbeat] was going to be an instrumental. But it was like 45 guys on the record and I thought, “man, I gotta have more women on this”. So I got Carla. Petra and her sisters did some singing, played some violin… I asked Tifanny, a friend of J. Mascis, if she would sing. Actually, this song is made up of a Dos song, and a song I’ve written for the Minutemen, I put them up together. Anyway, the one person who asked to be part of this project was Kathleen Hanna. So, on this song, Tifanny sings the words that I wrote, and the words that Kathleen Hanna, I guess, recited, those are her words. I was in New York City, and I was already down with the studio. Thurston was with us. And he said: “You know what, we can use my answering machine, from the studio”. So, he had Kathleen call him up and leave the message you can hear in the song. So, that’s the recording. It’s not a real message, she makes up this… Some of that stuff is very real, but some of that is made up, for sure. That’s the way Kathleen is, she mixes up things together, but the impression you get by listening to that, is like she doesn’t want to be on the record. But that’s the complete opposite of the reality, she wanted to be on the record, she asked me to. But that’s what you can do with records, you can mess up with reality. I have been asked a lot about that. That’s the story. Kathleen wanted to be on the record, she was. You know, her husband’s on there. Ad-Rock. They’ve been married 26 years, she told me that I had something to do with it. But come on, I was just trying to make a record. The same thing happened to Nels Cline and Yuka Honda. I made a record, you know, usually when I make projects, people don’t marry each other, but sometimes it happens. (laughs)"

[dittolicous]

"caleb wasnt a good guy cuz he LEFT his itty bitty brother" "caleb indoctrinated philip into the murder cult then dipped so hes just as bad" "caleb wasnt good cuz he was a witch hunter too" "philip had to survive all alone in the human/demon realm to find caleb!" "caleb made philip this bad!"

holy fuck belos apologists shut up challenge

1) caleb was JUST AS MUCH of a child as philip left in an impossible situation, saying he was 'bad' for leaving philip is basically victim shaming him because his only options were a) stay in a place he hates doing something he hated or b) risk alienating philip by move to the demon realm with a person who made him happy.

theres also no evidence to suggest he just left without a word or kept philip out of the loop. for all we know he did try to change philips mind! all we have to go on is belos's VERY biased memories and a folk-lore retelling of bare details. and seeing how evelyns name is still remembered, along with the numerous rebus found in gravesfield, their friendship/courting went on for a while, a good chunk of which im betting philip WAS in the know. at the very least, he knew evelyn as well as a human amd that something was going on.

im also pretty sure caleb didnt even leave the human realm for the last time until philip was at least in his teens if we go by hair length (hair in a ponytail = teenaged to adult)

2) philip was his own damn person and you can only take 'his brother abandoned him' so far. there was likely only 2-3 years between the two brothers ages, caleb was just as likely to be impressionable amd shaped by society. but by all rights, he chose to change. philip on the other hand, for over 300 years, killed countless witches and grimwalkers, justifying it via bigotry.

and dont come at me about caleb not giving him a chance or w/e, because we see in the memories that caleb embraced and tried to reach philip MULTIPLE times before being murdered by him.

caleb leaving philip does not justify any of belos's actions. not a single one.

society failed them both, creating a toxic environment that warped their views of what was right and what was wrong. both boys made mistakes.

the difference is that caleb recognized they were wrong and chose to leave that environment when he finally got the chance.

philip refused to accept being wrong.

what exactly should caleb have done? was his misery in the human realm unimportant? was he to sacrifice his own happiness so philip could have what he wanted? he was a victim too! he was a child just as much as philip! but because he was the older brother, he didn’t deserve a better life? he'd always have to bend to philip's desires?

caleb did NOT 'make' belos. caleb did not turn philip evil. PHILIP chose to kill, to not give the demon realm a chance. philip chose to kill his brother and make grimwalkers. trying to pass off these choices onto caleb is honestly pathetic and actively missing the true tragedy of belos's character.

he could have had a good life with his brother, he could of found happiness outside of witch hunting! but he was so unable to accept being WRONG in any shape or form, to acknowledge his own inability to see calebs suffering for what it was, that only PHILIP'S happiness mattered, that he chased caleb away.

philip is not innocent, nor is caleb. their story is a tragedy. stop acting like he is to blame for belos's actions. really, putting all the blame onto caleb and not the society that left two orphaned children thinking witch hunting was the only way to survive is. fucking bananas.

like.... you do realize that's exactly the kind of manipulation tactic belos would try to pull, right?

[hermionc]

have not been able to come on here bc tumblr really brings me back to my 16-24 yr old self and she would be so affected by this. but man. i’m upset and everyone on twitter is playing woke police (as they do) and i really need to just

my one direction era kinda predates this blog actually, i was transitioning away after zayn left bc i felt like the illusion was shattered

been crying on and off the last few days. i feel horrible that he’s gone and i feel horrible for even feeling horrible

the nuance required here is beyond what i could fit on twitter, and to be honest so many people on there are just barely no longer teens themselves they have no idea how to relate to this feeling with me . like they weren’t there . and i’m glad cuz this feeling is jarring

i can’t remember mourning a celebrity before this. which is probably bc i’m only 29. like this just happened so quickly and he was so young i was in shock the first day and was like, oh, just another celebrity death whatever lols thankfully idc anymore. and then the next day the memorial posts started flooding in not only from the other boys - i know they’re grown now but we grew up together and they’ll always be those boys to me - but also from names i haven’t thought about in years - lou teasdale, josh devine, max from the wanted, greg horan 😭

and today i started to see posts from other fans.. people i had connected with over a decade ago. or people i never knew but who went through that experience with me regardless

it hits harder and harder every day. haven’t showered since tuesday. hair is a mess. was scraping by doing the bare minimum at work

now it’s the weekend and i’ll have a chance to catch my breath. or maybe just sit with it some more

liam was one of my first favorites in one direction. i was impressed with his vocal tone and range, i could always pick out his lines because at first he was just more mature and practiced than the others when it came to singing

i remember when he followed me during one of his twitter follow sprees i literally jumped off the sofa with my ipad in hand and started crying. my mom was like what is happening 😭 but she knew it had to do with That band because at that point, in my life, everything was

an escape when my teenage years were filled with so much strife - dad moving out on us after literally trying to kill my mom, brother in and out of the hospital, mom struggling to make ends meet and pay the bills while going to university for the first time in her 40s — on top of just regular teenage shit.

not fully understanding how the csa i suffered as an infant had affected me and attempting to navigate my own sexuality within that. allowing so many men to treat me as an object to be used - sexually, emotionally, whatever - bc that’s what i felt i deserved.

and almost zero support to pick up these pieces. living in shame and dealing with self doubt and downright hatred. until i realized i could find a healthier escape - not sex, not drugs, not rebelling at school - connecting with a community over music and these boys who were offering us a safe space. one direction would be there to help me handle some of the toughest life changes anyone has to deal with. emotional loss of a parent. restructuring of a household. neglect. bullying. hypersexuality. friends suicide attempts

but at the end of the day they were always there with a twtcam or a follow spree or a concert where other fans could post videos

it’s so heartbreaking to think it will never happen again. ever. because he was troubled and on drugs and fucked up from fame. we’ve seen this so many times and the news cycle will move on and life will continue for the rest of us but my god it’s so hard to stomach

someone who once offered you so much support without even knowing - made me smile on days i would have been numb or crying. whose voice comforted me more than anything else at one point.

it’s so fucking hard and complicated i guess is what i’m trying to say. and it hurts. and i don’t use this blog anymore so if you read even part of this — thank you. i love you