#Which fucking sucked but it had to happen bc it was tearing everyone apart

[cripplecryptid]

Just found an old diary from when I was a kid. Most depressing shit I've ever read oh my fucking god

[serenedash]

Your Sona has a powerful energy. Also that shirt is such a vibe, and mood, and a warning I will choose to ignore 👀 (go, ramble about KHuX away)

thank you I love my sona they are very neat :)

Anyway you didn’t say what to ramble about so I’m just going to choose the thing that makes me want to rip my hair out the most: MoM (I tried not to talk about the foretellers too much I didn’t want this to get away from me that much-)

In this house we hate mom but like don’t get it twisted I think he’s an incredibly well written character and he’s always enjoyable to watch even if I’m screaming at my screen LOL honestly with the amount I hate this man it really goes to show how good of a character he is that he makes me this angry like every time he speaks I scream like he’s so greasy shut up-

“but why tho” thanks for asking, I think at this point everyone knows I’m a massive foreteller stan and very specifically a Luxu stan and honestly like almost everything about the foretellers is tragic and upsetting and like I just want them to be HAPPY but they CAN’T because of MOM like I remember when back cover came out and everyone was piecing together wtf actually happened and the realization that mom was using them and set up the whole thing. like. holy shit. and in the finale when he FINALLY said it out right like I felt like I was going to smash my phone like I felt so correct but I hated it adgsfdhgf (like we been knew but also with KH fans it seems they won’t believe anything unless it’s stated out right)

and ABOUT the finale, I love the way the dialogue was written so much because like Luxu’s reaction to mom’s true plan. I felt that. It’s like, “I can’t believe the worst person I know got even worse” because it’s like not ONLY did mom set up the war and all that but he ALSO is using the foretellers to house Darkness and just like AAAAAAA???? It fucking destroys me how like. Mom absolutely raised them but in such a short span of time torn them all apart and made them fight like to the point Gula wouldn’t even consider anyone a “comrade” at BEST which is like. such a low blow.

Holds the scene where they all see chirithy and laugh and have fun together. Points at the following keyblade war. I hate it here!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate it here

Back to the finale, I think it’s one of the most infuriating moments I have watching mom because of the way he fucking tries to make it seem like “““““it’s not that bad”““““ because “don’t worry luxu I’m going to save everyone don’t worry it’ll be fine :)” LIKE DUDE????? the WAY he’s like “I’m not planning on letting anyone die” YOU SET UP AN ENTIRE WAR THAT RIPPED THE UNIVERSE APART AND KILLED SO MANY PEOPLE AND THEN 99% OF THE SURVIVORS DIED BEING TRAPPED INSIDE A DATA WORLD YOU CREATED WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU like if you wanted to say “I’m going to make sure none of my apprentices die” you could’ve just said that but you DIDN’T

and it’s like. okay. I get it. the greater good it’s all for the greater good and at this point he is literally out of options because it’s very clear he’s tried literally everything he can think of to defeat Darkness so this is what it’s come to but it’s like I hate the super slimy way he’s going about it yknow like khux itself is like such a tragic game (arguably not as tragic as 358/2 days but like that’s a separate discussion and you could argue for khux being more tragic but whatever anyway,) it just fucks me up!!!!! this game fucks me up so badly with the way all the characters get sucked into this bigger plan they had no idea existed and the way some characters try to fight against it without even really know WHAT they’re fighting exactly just like. tears me up so badly. but again that’s a separate conversation and if anyone wants to hear me talk about the concept of destiny in khux then like please ask me

BACK TO MOM I hate him so much and I hate how enjoyable he is bc like I remember seeing re:mind for the first time I forgot how much I hated him bc I was laughing so much when he was talking to YMX and then when he was like “I might be planning for the world’s destruction” or w/e I started screaming because I remembered how much I hate him adfsdghf

IN CONCLUSION:

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Bucky Barnes’ adoptive child

Bucky Barnes x child!reader

warnings: knife

a/n:

prompt: @multifandomlover121: “i adored your natasha romanoff’s child headcanons! could you do one with bucky barnes and him adopting a child? thank you!!”

bucky saw someone in need and wanted to help them

that someone was you

he would have wanted someone to do the same for him

“are you okay, kid?”

“i’m fine...”

“are you sure?”

“...no”

you kinda started crying and ran off

but that wasnt the last time he had seen you

the more he’d run into you, the more he’d check on you, offer you food/water/shelter

“i really don’t mind, it’s the least i could do”

“are you sure?”

“i am”

you began to trust bucky more as time went on, he really was helpinh you out of the kindness of his heart

and buck became more protective of you, of course

soon enough he saw you as his child and you saw him as your father, neither of you had had a bond like that before

“i’m going to the market, do you want anything?”

“uh, peaches?”

“got it, be back in a while, don’t answer the door for anyone”

“got it, pa”

that was the first time you called him “pa” and he shut the door behind him and stood there in SHOCK he was so ???!!!!

you asked him about his life, and at first he didn’t want to tell you much

“pleaseee? it all seems so interesting”

“well, i don’t remember it much. and everything i do remember isn’t very great”

“is that why you’re lying low?”

“yeah...that’s one of them”

“can you tell my how you got your metal arm?”

you tried not to pry but you were disappointed that he wouldn’t open up to you

he knew just about everything about the short past you had, all the highs and lows of your messy childhood before he met you

bucky lived in a one bedroom apartment, so he gave you the bedroom and slept on the couch

honestly you guys led your lives mainly inside the apartment just to stay safe

and filling the day was a bit difficult, but you managed

“can i watch tv?”

“after the news”

“you said that twenty minutes ago”

“well, it’s not over yet. just watch it with me”

“can i pleaaaase watch tv?”

that “pleaaaase” always makes him cave

you two also baked together! it calms his nerves

especially when he can smell cookies/brownies/cake/etc baking in the oven, it’s his favorite

“are you sure we’re making these right, y/n?”

“no, i am not.”

helping him clean his arm sometimes

he couldn’t get in the crevices

one day you were watching tv and it said that bucky was wanted for a bombing, which couldnt be true because that was in vienna and you were far from there

“so that’s what you didn’t want to tell me? you’re a...”

“a terrorist? an assassin? an 100 year old man? i...i wish i wasn’t, but i had no choice. i can’t remember everything that happened to me, but i don’t want to. this new life is good for me and you. and i promise i would never do anything to hurt you”

“i know, pa, i trust you more than anyone else on earth. but...what does this mean for us now? the whole world is looking for you”

“nothing, they wont find us here. i’m going to the market for plums, though. keep the door and windows locked”

“yes sir”

“love you, kid”

“love you, pa”

and the next thing you know the door has been opened and you do not know what to do so you hide because that’s the plan you and bucky came up with just in case and next thing you know there’s sounds of fighting, things breaking, yelling

it’s time to come out

“pa? pa, where are you?”

“y/n, get down!”

“bucky, who is that?” -cap

“my kid”

steve immediately: ????¿???

ur WHAT

anywhooo you ended up running with them and not able to keep up bc they were kinda enhanced 100 year old men and you were baby

so the falcon, the REAL DEAL MAN RIGHT THERE had to give you a helping hand

“you doing alright, kid?”

“to be honest, i’ve never flown before”

✨getting arrested with pa and the crew✨

you sat next to steve rogers

“so, you’re bucky’s...child?”

“he took me in a while ago, we were both in a dark place”

“has he told you about his past?”

“i ask but he cant remember most of it, and what he does remember, he’s too ashamed to say. he just recently told me he used to be an assassin...and he’s and eldery man”

“hey, whatever happens to buck—your dad, i just want to let you know that i’ll be here for you, okay? he was my best friend growing up, i owe it to him”

it’s a feat to be a minor caught by the CIA but look at you go

you had to explain how you and bucky became family, which they were not buying even though every word was true

releasing you to steve bc he had some pull

oh yeah bucky kinda sorta went feral and you insisted you’d be able to calm him down but it doesn’t exactly work that way

“pa! i’m right here, it’s me! please, stop it!”

“y/n, you need to get out of here, it’s not safe!”

“i can’t leave him like this!”

escaping the CIA and waiting for your dad to wake up, this is where he regained his full memory

once he was free of the debris, he gave you a big hug and apologized with tears in his eyes (why the fuck am i rhyming)

“i’m sorry if i scared you, dragă”

“i couldn’t ever be scared of you”

steve was so happy that bucky was happy dhshshshhshs

being pushed in the backseat with pa

sharing your granola bar

since bucky remembered some good thinsg about his past, he thought it may be time to share!

“yeah, so me and steve were best friends, right? steve always picked fights with every bully he met, despite being less than half the weight he is now. i always had to swoop in and save the day”

“i can’t believe you were born in 1917. my father is a world war two veteran”

“how impressive” -sam, also a war vet

honestly they didn’t expect THAT much resistance at the airport but everyone knew you were off limits

excellent spiderman who webbed your hand to a car

luckily, your dad had taught you a thing or two and you got to hacking through these webs with your pocket knife

it took forever

but you finally escaped with your dad and who you’d soon call ‘uncle steve’

black widow nearly stopped you, you were very afraid :)

bucky made u stay in the jet “for your own safety”

“we don’t know what to expect in there, y/n. the last thing i want for you is to get hurt. i should have never dragged you into this”

steve casually talking to bucky about you being unofficially adopted by him

“so, you’re a dad?”

“that i am”

“what’s it like?”

“it’s like...finding a reason to get up every day. and a decent amount of compromise”

“sounds exciting”

“you have no idea”

finally being retrieved from the jet to see your dad with one arm

trippin out

but he told you it was alright

t’challa, new king of wakanda who was trying to end bucky’s life just a few hours ago had apologized and offered you sanctuary in his country

he SPECIFICALLY apologized to you, saying that it was unfair to you by trying to hurt your father because the pain of losing one is unbearable in his eyes

getting some much needed peace (not really bc you wanted to train with wakandan warriors)

and it paid off since you all had to fight off a hoard of aliens

“you think you can handle this, y/n?”

“oh yeah”

you definitely could not handle your dad turning to dust :)

:))))))

“y/n? steve?”

no nope no

steve had to take care of you on bucky’s five year hiatus from life (oh my god im sorry)

not a day went by that you didn’t think of him

it kinda sucked bc you didn’t have any pictures together or anything, only pictures from the 1940’s that steve pulled out every once in a while

“doing okay, y/n?”

“not really”

“do you want to come and watch a movie with me or something? im still not completely caught up on everything i missed”

after five years, there was a breakthrough and it was finally time to get your dad back

but he probably wouldn’t recognize you...you’ll find out soon enough

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiant // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[sugako]

after class

ta!suga x f!reader cw: 18+ mdni, college au, alcohol consumption mention (not during the main plot), dubcon (bc of power imbalance & suga coming on VERY strong), oral (giving), facefucking, public sex (no one sees), teasing (receiving), blink once & u miss it degradation, fingering (receiving), quickie/rough sex, unprotected sex wc: 2.5k+ a/n: here is my wee lit ta suga brainrot ,, boy do i hate academia but wow do i like writing shit in a college setting

It was just a literature class, an enjoyable one at that. Yet, every time you walked through the door, the dull thump of your heart sped up. Hovering nearby, he was almost always there, not that you really minded. Maybe your mind was clouded with romantic thoughts because of the room - it was in the oldest part of campus and it showed with the cozy wooden walls and a stained chalkboard at the front of the room.

The nostalgia encouraged by the soft, warm light that streamed through the windows only made your longing more intense. He looked like you imagined a tricky mythical being to look, all sweet and inviting on the outside while fierce and feral inwardly. About a week into class he revealed his true self when reviewing - or rather tearing into - everyone's essays.

You noticed his eyes first. They way they lingered on you when he stepped in to lecture, flitted around your face and down your body, lit up when he went on a tangent about a theme he particularly enjoyed. Even though your mind sometimes wandered, everything was still outwardly appropriate. You called him by his last name like he asked, he called on you appropriately, answered your emails and graded your papers just like anyone else's.

One mistake-filled Friday night you made the mistake of following your friends to the nearest bar, and there he was. Face flushed with happy tears in his eyes he stood up at the bar with some of his friends. When his eyes fell on you the gears slowly turning in his head were visible.

He rushed over, chest pressed tightly against his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around you and ushered you up the counter.

“So good to see you!” He whispered, lips brushing against the shell of your ear. You knew it was wrong, you tried so hard to tell yourself it was wrong, but he wasn’t much older than you and you weren’t in class now so what difference did it make, you reasoned. Besides, he was drunk and you had a drink in you already and he smelled so nice… “...too, but don’t tell anyone.”

“Huh?” You barely heard him over the roar of the crowd around you and the music vibrating off the walls.

“Heh, nothing,” he shrugged, “I’m gonna buy you a shot, you deserve it after that last essay. Very well thought out.” Being overly crisp in his words to achieve some kind of comedic affect you assumed. He leaned slightly into the counter, bringing you with him, and quickly ordered. Within minutes the bartender had placed the clear shots before you. “Okay, sweetheart,” he said, clinking his small glass against yours, sending half of his shot onto the floor.

It burned like always, but you held back your reaction, lips barely pursing as you set the glass back down.

“Thanks,” you started, unraveling yourself from his warm body, “I gotta get back to my friends, but it was nice seeing you.” You said softly, some little part not wanting to leave him.

Suga held you out by your waist and nodded once. “Good to know you can take rough things so well, go on then.” He says with a little push.

His words confusingly haunt you for a moment before you realize he’s talking about the ‘rough’ shot you just took, even if the wording was crude. The rest of the night you agonize over what he meant. “Good to know you can take rough things.” But by next Monday, it’s as if it never happened. He carries on in class like normal and so do you, until a week later.

He’s handing back quiz scores at the end of class, conveniently leaving you until last. The way he sped through lecture today, there’s about ten minutes left and, with no professor around this day to stop him, he dismisses everyone early. Except you.

“Can you actually stay behind a few minutes? I just want to talk about your answers.” When fear flashes across your eyes, he chuckles easily just like he was back at the bar and your heartbeat only speeds up. “Nothing bad, I’m just interested in your answers.” In tense silence, the two of you stand, waiting until the last student has made their way out.

“So which question-”

“Actually, I think there’s a better way for you to improve your score.” He grins devilishly, getting up from his spot beside you to fully close the door. Suddenly the room feels very stuffy and you’re very aware of everything around you. It makes your stomach turn, you’re not sure if it’s in a good way or a bad way, but you weather through and take a deep breath.

“I’m not trying to be rude, but I’m comfortable with the score I got.”

“I know, I know, you did very well.” He soothes while he makes his way back over just to lean precariously against the very tiny desk attached beside you. “It’s just… I know you try so hard, you pay attention to me more than anyone in this class. I think you deserve extra credit just for that.”

“Oh, well, thank you.” You struggle out, trying to find the words. Brain racing, you have no clue what to make of the situation. It seems like he has everything planned out, scripted, and you’re just blindly following along like a lost, little lamb.

“You know, I notice how you blush and smile sometimes when I lecture, and you take notes just so well while I’m speaking. I mean it’s very cute, don’t get me wrong, but you pay even better attention to me than you do your own professor.” He scoffs.

The way your chest is rising and falling is visible now, you’re sure he can see it through the thin material of your little sundress. “Sorry, you’re just always so excited I guess I get caught up, but umm… are you sure there isn’t another class coming in, I jus-”

“No,” he says sternly, “there’s not another class in this room for hours. But why be worried about something like that?” Suga asks with a small, knowing smile.

“I-I, uh, well I don’t know, I just thought… just making sure I g-guess.” You sputter out, quivering voice betraying yourself.

“What did you think I meant?” He asks evenly, the smile slipping from his features. Like a fish gasping for air, your mouth bobs open and shut, struggling to find the words or maybe a lie, but he doesn’t let you. He closes the tight space between the two of you with a short kiss that you immediately sigh into.

Pleased with your relaxed reaction, he pulls away almost at once, dropping your quiz from his hands onto the floor in between you. Mind spinning, you’ve barely registered the kiss before you’re crouching down to pick up the paper.

“Oh, thank you. You’re so kind.” He says plainly, placing a hand over your shoulder.

“No problem,” you begin while you start to rise, only to be stopped by his tightening grip on you.

“Sorry, you just look so pretty down there.” He coos, taking his hand away when you relax onto your knees and place the papers back down. You don’t know what to think, especially with his noticeable bulge so directly within eyesight. You want to be here, you can’t stop thinking about how his lips felt in that brief moment or what lies beneath his pants, but you can’t help feeling a little guilty. The sound of a zipper snaps you back to the reality where you’re on your knees in front of your TA.

“I, um…”

“You can do whatever you want right now, sweetheart.” The nickname he gave you at the bar makes heat surge through your veins. “But I want you to know if you chose to stay here and to touch me, I’m not gonna hold back, mmkay?”

Taking a deep, swallowing breath you nod quickly, fingers grappling at the pale blue waistband of his boxer briefs. “I understand,” you whisper out, “I want you.”

“Okay, princess, don’t say I didn’t-” His big talk is cut off when you mouth over him through the soft fabric, licking over the tiny wet stain he’s produced. “Oh,” he chuckles meanly, “so hungry for my cock, huh?”

Nodding deftly, you tug down on the waistband, letting his length slap against his clothed abdomen. He’s pretty, neatly trimmed, and pale but with a pretty, pink tip that makes you clench around nothing. The way his thighs are tensed under his slacks, you know he’s holding back, and you don’t want to make him wait any longer.

At a careful pace, you take him into your hand, pumping gently while you guide him into your mouth. When the salty taste of his precum hits your tongue he snaps. His hands bury into the back of your neck, holding you exactly in place when he shallowly pumps himself into you. Painfully, you relax your jaw, letting him use you while big tears well up in the corners of your eyes from the sting.

Over and over again his cock hits the back of your throat, gliding past the mess of spit that’s built up in your mouth. He feels so right, so good and all you can think about is him. Your nails dig into his legs, trying to find some purchase in the smooth material of his pants.

He watches as you keep your eyes trained up on him, admiring the spit already spattered across your cheeks. “So messy, sweetheart, you’re adorable.” He says just loud enough for you to hear over his unrelenting pace.

It’s hard to understand him with how hard you’re focusing on sucking in his cock while he fucks into you. “Always knew your pretty mouth was good for more than answering stupid questions.” Suga grunts, shuddering when your throat spasms around him, and swiftly pulling out.

Panting for a bit of air, you heave on the floor, upper half only held up by the loose grip you have on his thighs. Before you can catch your breath, he’s dragging you back onto your feet and facing your body away from his. A heavy hand forces your chest down against the tiny desk before you and his feet kick yours apart.

“Wore this cute, little dress for me?” He asks, flipping up the skirt and palming over your ass.

“N-no, I had a, uh, presentation today.” You try to say, the lie evident with how heavy the words weigh on your tongue.

“Oh, shut up,” he laughs, “I know this is the only class you have today, you told me that weeks ago.” He hums, fingers toying with the edge of your underwear, moving them around across your skin this way and that until he finally pulls them down. “And you wore these slutty panties just for me too. Probably thought about touching yourself after class while you thought about me instead. Isn’t this much better though?”

“Yeah, a lot better.” You squeak as his fingers force your thighs farther apart, meeting you aching cunt just to spread your slick around.

“Your panties are ruined, completely soaked. Must have been thinking about me all class I bet.”

“N-no,” but before you can argue he presses two fingers into you, scissoring them inside of you.

“Uh-huh, sure.” He replies and you can hear the eye roll in his tone. Again, his free hand presses between your shoulder blades, squishing you harshly against the desk. With a little sigh, he takes his fingers away from you and uses both hands to perfectly position your hips for himself. “Ready, sweetheart?” He asks sweetly, pressing his tip against your entrance.

“Yes, please, please fuck me!” You cry, finally crumbling before him and burning with need.

He’s so close now you can feel him, the want that’s built up in your brain over the last couple months is nearly unbearable now. You feel his fingers curl into the flesh around your hips just before he eagerly sinks into you. Involuntarily, you let out a shaky gasp, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from crying out.

“Relax for me princess,” he grunts, partially enjoying how tightly you’re clamped around him, “this isn’t an exam.”

It’s impossible to think of a witty retort or even a weak one while you shake around his cock, desperate for him to fill you up. On their own accord, you hips twitch back trying to meet him fully, but he only laughs and keeps you in place.

“I was gonna go easy on you, but since you seem to want me so bad…” he trailed off, slowly dragging himself out, the weight of his cock heavy against your gummy walls, “...you can have me.” His final word is punctuated by a harsh snap of his hips that fills you to the brim.

All you can muster is a broken, little whimper as his thighs continually smack against your backside while he fucks you into the desk. Any regard or concern you had for the world of students or staff outside the thin walls of this room was gone and it appeared his was as well. The wet squelching smacks of your bodies meeting bounced around the walls, the thin carpet failing to dampen much of any noise at all.

Through all of your spasms and twitches his pace was unrelenting. “Go ahead and touch yourself,” he said when he noticed the way your fingers danced around, obviously preoccupied, “wanna feel your pretty, little cunt cum.”

Managing out a little sound of agreement, you quickly wedge your wrist under your body, trying your best to circle your needy clit while he’s ramming you back and forth. It doesn’t take long before your sobbing out, hips rutting against his, feeling the coil deep inside draw you closer and closer to the edge. You keep your fingers in time with his motions, making quick work of your own pleasure, not holding back when you feel the last bit of resistance before your fall.

With a short, choked cry you’re gushing around him, convulsing around his cock while he slows just enough, his own thrusts getting suddenly out of time.

“Good girl.” He groans, a brief surge of pride and energy pushing him to his own finish line, the way you’re still periodically clamping down around him certainly being of some help. “I’m gonna ruin this perfect pussy.” He barely manages to mumble out before he’s holding you deep and close, his cock twitching deep inside of you just before his cum shoots against your walls.

“Feel so good.” You sigh, fully relaxing into his touch, the sleepy haze of your orgasm overtaking your senses. As he comes down from his high, he massages your shoulders, slumping over your own exhausted body and wrapping his arms around your middle. You don’t miss how his fingers cradle just under your breasts, kneading lightly.

“I think,” he starts, still very much out of breath, “we’ll need a couple tutoring sessions, just to clear up everything.”

[butgilinsky]

all i’ve ever wanted // np

warning; language, alcohol ig, angsty angst, not proofread bc fuck that

summary; the two of you were supposed to beat the odds, but that proves to be harder than you originally planned. 

word count; 6.3k+

add yourself to my nhl taglist!

this wasn’t supposed to happen. not to the two of you. not like this. you and nolan were supposed to work through everything. you were supposed to beat the odds, supposed to go the distance. you were supposed to work through everything together, no matter how hard it got sometimes. 

it wasn’t supposed to end. not ever, not now, and especially not like this.

you tried to tell yourself that you did everything you could’ve possibly done to make things work. you told yourself that you were trying, truly, but it just didn’t work for whatever reason. 

things had been tough lately, for the both of you, separately and collectively. you didn’t thinks could get much harder than they had when you first moved to philadelphia. you had just overcome everyone in your life warning you about moving for a boy. they’d tell you to be careful, and you’d tell them the same thing every single time. 

he’s not some guy i met in a bar one night. he’s nolan, and i can’t spend the rest of my life with him if we live in different continents. 

and for the most part, that was true. you and nolan had known each other too long to even remember when you met each other. it felt like you had already spent an entire lifetime with nolan, so what was one more, really? 

you didn’t realize that you’d end up here, three years later in the middle of an apartment that suddenly made your stomach twist uncomfortable as you drank through the suffocating thoughts swimming through your head. you didn’t know how long it had been since nolan left, but you knew that it had been a while. he left as the sun set, which you only knew because you remember the golden hue that peaked through the curtains and draped over his face beautifully. now it was dark, dark enough for the tv to be the only reason you could see the bottles of wine that laid across the coffee table. 

you thought about everything that had happened between the two of you. you thought about the time he kissed you for the first time, how it felt like you were flying to finally feel his lips against yours. he had just taken you home after your group of friends had gone out for fries and milkshakes. you were smiling at him in a way that had him moving before he thought too much about it, kissing you over the center console of his car and gripping onto you like he’d never be able to kiss you again after this. 

you thought about the time he was called to be captain of the wheat kings, and how nothing in the world had made him smile so wide. you remember the hug he gave you when he saw you, lifting you off of your feet with the momentum he built up as he ran over to you. his arms were wrapped so tightly around you you could barely breathe, but it didn’t matter when he smiled at you like that. nothing mattered when he smiled at you like that. 

you thought about when he got drafted, how he never would’ve said it out loud, but being second pick wasn’t what he had built up for. he was excited to go to philly, but you knew he wanted that first pick title, even if he’d never say it. 

you thought about when he asked you to move with him. he didn’t think he could do it without you, and you weren’t sure you’d be able to do anything without him. you remembered the grin that spread across his lips when you told him you would, that you wanted to do anything and everything with him, for the rest of your life. 

you thought about the last few months, and how nolan had drifted away from you. how he pushed you away when all you wanted was to feel close to him again. you thought about how he would come home after long days and want nothing more than to just crawl into bed and fall asleep. you’d let him, because all you wanted was for him to be happy. 

you thought about how he left a few hours ago, telling you to not expect him back for the rest of the night. you thought about how your heart shattered into a million, unrecoverable pieces when he told you that he couldn’t do this anymore. that he couldn’t be with you anymore. 

you thought about how everyone told you to not move for him. they told you to wait until you were sure, until there was a ring on your finger that told you that the two of you would be together. and then you thought about how you didn’t listen to any of them because this was nolan, and you were more sure about him than you were about anything else in your entire life. 

you thought about how you should’ve listened to them. 

you didn’t move when the lock clicked or when the knob turned, not even when the door was shoved open and the light in the entry way turned on. you couldn’t move, couldn’t turn to face anyone that was walking in through the door because if it was nolan, you were sure to fall apart in your place on the couch. 

you thought nolan walking through the door would’ve been the worst case scenario, but the look on travis’s face was far worse than anything you could’ve thought up in that moment. 

the look of sympathy draped across his face had you crumbling in seconds, your chest caving in as you lost your breath completely. sobs raked through you so quickly that you couldn’t even try to stop them. travis was on the couch in seconds, letting you fall into his chest as he did his best to console you, but he knew that nothing he could do would be enough. 

he didn’t know what happened, just that nolan was an idiot to give up on what the two of you had built. he’d been in philadelphia for almost four years now, and you’d been there every single step of the way. you’d built a life here, and you were considering throwing it all away now. 

you couldn’t be in this city if nolan was here. nolan was the only reason you moved here, and the biggest reason you stayed after all this time. everything in this city reminded you of him, and he had you thinking of the easiest way to move back to winnipeg. but then you realized that that everything there would remind you of him, that nowhere was fresh of nolan. everywhere, everything reminded you of him. 

“i can’t stay here, tk.” it took an hour for you to finally speak. your voice was hoarse, and it hurt your throat, but you had to say it. 

“i’d offer you my place, but” you nodded, knowing that that was the first place nolan would’ve found refuge in. you appreciated the gesture, but you weren’t sure that travis’s apartment would’ve felt any better. 

“i mean philly. i don’t know if i can stay here.” travis sucked in a sharp breath when the realization dawned on him. 

he didn’t know the magnitude of everything that had happened. nolan had been less than explanatory when he showed up at travis’s apartment hours ago, muttering just enough for travis to realize what was going on. of course he’d let nolan stay there for as long as he wanted to, but he was hoping that there was a way for the two of you to fix this. you had to fix this. it was you and nolan. he hadn’t known either of you separately, only together. he had a friendship with both of you, but the other was always a part of your personality. 

and now, all of that was changing. 

he tried to talk you out of it, tried to tell you that this was irrational thinking and you were just running away from something that wasn’t certain just yet. he told you that the wine had you thinking irrationally, that you were acting impulsively and there were so many things you had to think about before you packed up your entire life and fled the city you’d made home. 

but that was the thing. the only thing that made philadelphia feel like home was nolan. he was the only reason you felt at peace here, and that all changed the moment he walked out earlier. 

i can’t do this anymore, y/n. i can’t be with you anymore. 

you replayed the words over and over again, reminding yourself that this was real, and it was happening. you listened to travis talk you out of it, listened to him insist that there was a different way to go about this entire situation. 

truthfully, travis didn’t want to lose you. he had built a solid friendship with you. there were things that you helped him with that nolan couldn’t. he saw you as so much more than nolan’s girlfriend, and he found himself growing a ball of animosity in his chest towards his best friend for ruining this. 

he gave up when you paused your packing, looking at him with teary eyes and a wobbling bottom lip. he listened to you say that you would fall apart if you tried to stay here. he listened when you said that you already called your boss, you had already asked for a transfer, and though she was confused, she told you she’d work on it. 

travis hadn’t realized there had been enough time for you to truly think all of this through and make arrangements already, but you did. so he let you pack, even helped you when you asked for him to hand you things on the opposite side of the room. 

you were digging through your closet, looking for anything that couldn’t be left behind when you felt the small box in the palm of your hand. your body stilled, your heart thudding against your chest harshly as you pulled it out of the back of your closet with shaky fingers and eyes that filled to the brim with tears once more.

“tk.” the broken tone had him crossing the room in seconds, reaching for you in confusion and worry before his eyes landed on the small box. 

“give it to me.” you hadn’t opened it yet, you weren’t sure if you could. if you opened it, it made it real. if you opened it, you’d have too many questions that you weren’t sure you’d ever get answers to. “y/n, give me the box.”

“is there a ring inside of this?” you looked at travis, watching the way his eyes fell to his feet for a moment as he looked for the right words. “how long has he had this?” 

“y/n-”

“how long, travis?” your voice dropped to a tone that travis hadn’t heard in a long time. a tone you reserved for when things were unmistakably bad, toeing the line of irreversible. 

“a few months.” your eyes moved back to the box, taking in the way that the velvet felt against your skin before travis was covering it with his own hand and taking it from you. 

he was surprised when you sniffled, pushed your shoulders back and went back to packing as if you hadn’t just found a box that undoubtedly held an engagement ring inside of it. an engagement ring that should’ve been on your finger, should’ve been committed to your memory by now. an engagement ring you’d never get to see. 

an engagement ring that would never belong to you. 

he took you to the airport after you’d packed everything you thought you’d need for now. he promised to send the rest of your things as soon as you told him where you were going, though he immediately regretted agreeing to not tell nolan wherever you’d end up. 

you hugged him before going through security, thanking him for everything he had done for you tonight and every day that you’d been in philadelphia. as much as you told yourself you would’ve never gotten here without nolan, you knew that the sentiment reached out for travis as well. 

“hey.” you tugged on his shirt sleeve softly, bringing his attention back up to you for a moment. “just because nolan and i-” you bit your bottom lip when it started to wobble, doing your best to keep your tears at bay for the first time tonight. “you and i are still good. we’re still friends. you don’t have to choose.” 

he smiled then, hugging you tighter than he’d ever hugged you before. then you were turning and walking away, leaving him to sulk on the way back to his car. when he got home he made no effort to be quiet, slamming every door and dropping everything to the ground with no mind at how loud he was being. 

“tk, shut up.” nolan groaned, rolling over on the couch that was far less comfortable than the bed he should’ve been in back at his apartment. 

“fuck off, pat. go home if you want to bitch at me.”

“you know i can’t go home, teeks-”

“she’s not there.” nolan sat up then, adjusting his eyes to the light that had been off just moments ago before he settled on travis. “she left.”

his mind raced, thoughts too loud for him to think straight. he knew he was the one that walked out, he was the one that broke up with you, but he hadn’t expected you to leave so quickly. he didn’t think you had anywhere to go, anyone to stay with. that’s why he left, that’s why he-

“she flew back home, pat. she’s gone.” 

he’d never admit that his heart sank into his stomach, that he felt defeated over the thought that you had upped and left before the sun could set and rise. he didn’t realize you were capable of leaving so quickly, that you were capable of leaving at all. 

“and she found the ring.” travis knew what he was doing as he fired off bits of information that nolan had no business knowing. he didn’t need to know that you flew home, or that you found the ring he bought for you while you packed your things. he didn’t need to know, but now he did. and he didn’t know if he wanted to know. 

travis left the room after that, leaving nolan wide awake in the middle of the night as he rethought everything he’d done in the past few hours. everything he’d done in the past few months. 

he didn’t know why he was drifting from you, why he allowed himself to do that. he never wanted to live without you. a life without you is a life he never wanted to be a part of, but he had just solidified that life for himself. he walked out on you, and now he was feeling the weight of it all crashing down onto him. 

he thought about the look on your face when he said it, when he reached for his keys and turned to leave the apartment. he remembered your eyes filled to the brim with tears that you wouldn’t dare spill, and the way you were chewing so hard on your bottom lip that he thought you would draw blood. 

he thought about how defeated you looked over the last few weeks, every time you’d reach out to him and he’d deny you. he thought about how you’d roll over to the edge of your side of the bed, clutching onto your pillow in search of the comfort he no longer gave you. 

he thought about how things used to be so easy, how it used to be different. nothing used to feel like this, especially not with you. he found himself excited for roadies, and dreading the return home, and he had no idea why. it was supposed to be how it was when you were back in winnipeg. he was supposed to want nothing more than to feel how he would when he would come home from brandon, or when you’d drive out to him. 

he thought about when he bought the ring a few months back. he thought about thinking that you were going to love it, that he was going to love asking you to marry him and hoping more than anything that you’d say yes. he wondered how things changed after that, how things ended up the way that they were now when they were so good not too long ago. 

the sun rose before his thoughts allowed him the time to breathe. he was drowning in himself, and he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop it. he did this. he walked out on you and now he was dealing with the repercussions. 

he expected travis to be cold when he woke up, shocked to see travis shooting him a sympathetic smile when he told nolan it was time to leave for practice. he was even more surprised when he offered to go up to his apartment with him to grab his stuff before heading to the rink. 

it was six months before you saw him again. you had avoided him when both of you were in winnipeg, denying invitations from your friends in order to give nolan time with them. you didn’t want to be in the same place as him, but you weren’t going to make it difficult for him to see his friends in the short time he’d be home. 

you thought new york was big enough. you thought it would give you great odds at not seeing him. you stayed away from every ice rink in new york, feeling nausea bubble up at the thought of stepping foot anywhere near anything that could remotely remind you of hockey. 

you knew he’d be in town. the flyers were playing the islanders, but you thought that gave you enough distance between the two of you. you thought you had done everything right up until now. you didn’t call or text him, you didn’t keep up with his stats or the flyers at all. your extent of flyers knowledge came from occasional conversations with travis, where nolan was strategically left on a list of topics you weren’t allowed to bring up. 

the odds of seeing him had to be one in a million. it should’ve been nearly impossible for him to end up here, in the same building as you, but it happened. 

you felt the wind being knocked out of you when your eyes met his. you stood on opposite sides of the room, neither of you making a move towards or away from one another. your muscles tensed, your mind racing so fast it made you dizzy, but you didn’t dare break eye contact with him. 

his hair was shorter, his arms slightly bigger. he looked good, really good. you scolded yourself for thinking such a thing, but it was true. nolan always looked good, and you guessed that the last six months had ended with him channeling things into working out, because he looked too good to be doing the same thing he’d been doing for the past five years. 

you only tore your eyes away from him when a hand gripped your elbow softly, pulling your attention away from nolan and over to brady, who was glancing down at you with worry pulling at his features. 

“you okay?” you looked back in the direction nolan was just in, finding it empty as he had seemingly disappeared. you looked around for a minute, trying to find out if you had been seeing things or if that had truly just happened. “y/n.”

“yeah, yeah. sorry, just, saw someone i used to know.” he gave you a confused look but nodded, handing you the drink he had just ordered for you before pulling you back in the direction of your friends. 

you hadn’t seen nolan after that, hadn’t even heard from him. you did, however, check the score of the flyers v. isles game, and smiled when you saw they had won. you found yourself flicking through the details of the game, and smiling wider at the fact that nolan had scored two of the five goals in the game, and had another assist to tack onto it. 

you found yourself falling into more bad habits, like watching flyers games when you were home with nothing else to do, ignoring the fact that you had made sure you had no plans on specific nights. you kept up with nolan’s game as loosely as you could, trying not to throw yourself into a pit of despair over a boy you hadn’t spoken to in over six months. 

a few months later you found yourself at home, lying across your parents’ couch while your family spoke animatedly about a movie you hadn’t seen. you laughed at one liners your sister would throw in, and rolled your eyes when your brother and your dad argued about if the original or the sequel was better. 

then your phone rang, and you were unsure of what to expect but you answered anyways. you told yourself you couldn’t do it, that you shouldn’t do it. there was little room for you to do such a thing without tripping over yourself all over again, but you found yourself grabbing your keys and saying goodbye to your parents before you could think about it too much. 

you weren’t dressed to be at the lake, not even slightly, but you couldn’t find yourself to care as you spotted the familiar car parked next the rest of your friends’. the same car he kissed you in for the first time, and the same car he would continue to kiss you in for years to come. 

you shut off your car and stepped out before you could convince yourself to turn around. you pulled your jeans up over your hips and shut the door, grabbing the attention of the few that were on the same side of the lake that you had just pulled up to. 

“y/n!” you smiled at your friends, offering them a wave and a light greeting. 

you offered a small amount of small talk before your eyes found the person you’d come for, sitting on a blanket you recognized within seconds all by himself. 

“go talk to him.” 

your feet carried you over, stopped only once more by the sound of your name that had you laughing gently as you waved across the water before finally standing in front of the blanket you were headed for. 

“do you have room for one more?” his lips pulled into a smile when he nodded, giving you the room to sit beside him. 

he didn’t know how to feel about the way your jeans brushed against the side of his knee. the rough material was almost uncomfortable, but he wasn’t going to move away from you. he wanted you as close to him as you would allow him to be, and the fact that it was close enough for your legs to bump against one another brought a warmth to his chest that he hadn’t felt in what felt like forever. 

“why are you sitting over here by yourself?” he found himself smiling at the sound of your voice, almost not registering your question as he felt honored just hearing you speak to him after all this time. 

“not in the mood to socialize i guess.” he shrugged gently, and you rolled your eyes. 

“winnipeg nolan is far more outgoing than you’re giving yourself credit for.” he laughed gently at the name, forgetting how you used to tease him about his separation between his life in winnipeg and his life in philadelphia. 

“philly nolan is an idiot.” his voice was soft, but you heard him. he could tell by the way you sucked in your cheek to chew on it lightly. “you’ll chew another hole through your cheek if you keep doing that.” 

you laughed then, releasing your cheek from the grip of your teeth as you thought back on the memory he dug out of your subconscious. it was before you were dating, when you had to get a root canal and your mouth was so numb that you chewed a hole through your cheek without realizing it. 

it was nice to be able to act like things were normal, even if it was only for a minute. it felt like nothing bad had happened, like you hadn’t left so many things unsaid when he walked out of the apartment and you left philadelphia. it felt like things were almost how they used to be, and neither of you wanted to shift it in the direction that it needed to go. 

“how’s new york?” the corner of your mouth tugged up gently, but it fell a few moments later, not being able to find too much serenity in the reminder that he had seen you just a few months back. 

“hectic.” you breathed out, bringing your knees up to your chest before you wrapped your arms around them. 

"and your boyfriend?” your eyebrows pulled together, confusion evident in your features when you turned to meet his eyes. but then it sunk in, and your mouth shot up into a wide smile before a laugh was falling past your lips. 

you fell back onto the blanket, eyes screwed shut as you tried to muffle your laughter underneath the palm of your hand. when you came down, nolan was staring at you curiously, unsure of what spurred your laughing fit. 

“brady? i’m not exactly his type.” you shook your head, still laughing gently. nolan rolled his eyes, breathing out a gentle sigh before speaking up. 

“well that sucks for him. i don’t know a single person that wouldn’t jump at the opportunity-” 

“brady’s gay, nol.” his lips clamped shut, forming a thin line before he breathed out a gentle laugh of his own. 

“well that’s embarrassing.” his cheeks turned pink as he faced away from you, trying to focus back on anything other than the way he just made a fool of himself in front of you. 

you lifted your hand up to his elbow and gripped it gently, grabbing his attention before pulling on it just enough to get him to lie back with you. he set the bottle he was nursing aside and faced the sky, your knees and elbows bumping as the two of you tried to avoid the grass. 

“dragon.” you said softly, hearing nolan scoff in return. the sound alone made you smile, feeling like things were as simple as they used to be. 

“no way you see a dragon from that.” you laughed softly, a sound nolan was scared he’d never hear again. “it’s a spaceship, for sure.” 

“bullshit!” 

the two of you argued over cloud shapes for a few minutes until a thick silence fell over you. neither of you wanted to bring it up first, but you knew it had to come up at some point. the whole reason you were called here was to talk to him, and though you had been doing that, you were avoiding the inevitable. 

“do you want to go for a drive?” you turned towards him, your faces closer than you expected them to be. 

your noses almost brushed against each other, and you watched the way nolan’s eyes fell to your lips for a moment longer than they should have. it brought a familiar feeling to your stomach, a feeling you had never felt with anyone besides nolan. 

“yeah.” you breathed softly, telling yourself to move from this position before you pushed your lips against his, but you didn’t move a muscle. 

“we can’t go on a drive if you don’t move.” he whispered, and watched you roll your eyes but smile regardless. 

“you haven’t moved either.” he laughed gently then, and despite everything in him telling him to just stay still, to wait for your move, he pulled himself up onto his feet and offered you his hands. 

you gripped onto them, pulling yourself up to your feet with ease. you stood chest to chest for a moment, closer than you had been just a minute ago. 

“we should go.” you nodded, but waited for him to take a step back, his hands falling from yours as he grabbed the bag he brought and fished his keys out of it. 

you followed him to the car, ignoring the looks you were getting from all of your friends as you reached for the handle. you didn’t ask where you were going, and you truly didn’t care. being in this car, beside nolan, was enough for you, even if it wasn’t going to end the way you so desperately wished it would. 

he kept both of his hands on the steering wheel, something he rarely ever did. his knuckles turned white, and you could tell he was fighting the urge to reach out to you. you weren’t sure he even knew how to keep his hands to himself when the two of you were alone. nolan wasn’t a big pda guy, but when you were alone, he practically always had a hand on you. 

you smiled when you noticed the familiar path, beginning to guess every turn before he took it, only to end up in the place you had predicted. the small park had been a place the two of you visited from a young age, but the small path behind it was where you went when you got to old to use the slides or the swings. 

“i haven’t been here in such a long time.” you said it more to yourself, but the smile that didn’t reach nolan’s eyes told you he heard you. 

“neither have i.” it shocked you, though it probably shouldn’t have. why would he have come here? it was built for kids. not for 22 year old NHL players. 

you sat on a bench, talking about what your lives looked like now, though you both knew where this conversation would end up at some point. he talked about the team, talked about how they were doing and the games he missed due to his injuries, and you offered him a warm, sympathetic smile. 

you were confused when he stood up and told you he wanted to show you something before walking back to the car. you watched him dive into the backseat before shoving something in his pocket and walking back over to you. 

you were getting nervous, especially when you saw the look on his face when he sat back beside you. you sucked in a sharp breath when he pulled the familiar bow out of is pocket, twirling it around in his hand as his eyes avoided yours. 

“i think i psyched myself out. i think i let myself believe that this is what you needed, that it’s what you wanted. i told myself it’s what i wanted, and it was, it is, but i let it get to my head.” your eyes watched his fingers fiddle with the small box until he turned to you, your eyes meeting as he wore a soft smile. 

“i told myself that this is what was next, and if i couldn’t give it to you then i wasting your time.”

“you were never wasting my time.” you found your voice finally, feeling the cut wrenching feeling from that night come back, though it was much duller now than it had been then. 

“i fucked up. i fucked it all up.” you sighed softly, not finding the words that you knew you should’ve told him. because in all honesty, he did fuck it all up, and he was scared there wouldn’t be a chance to redeem himself. 

“i never told you we had to get married, nol.” 

“i know, i know. i wanted to, i really did, but then i got scared, i guess. i stressed myself out with the entire idea of marriage and how it would’ve changed things and then i fucked it all up.” you bit on the inside of your cheek, letting your shoulders relax as you listened to him explain what was going on inside of his head when he walked out on you. 

“i wanted to marry you. i want to marry you. i’ve never wanted that with anybody else in my entire life, and i don’t think i ever will. i know i won’t. i know it sounds crazy, and we’re still so young, and now we’ve been separated for what feels like years, but-” he paused, reaching up to tug on his hair gently before letting out a heavy sigh. 

“but?” he looked up at you, his eyes connecting with yours and sending shock waves through you before taking a deep breath. 

“but all i want is you. i wake up, and i hope that by some stroke of luck, you’ll be beside me. i come home from roadies and i hope that for some reason, you’ll be sitting in the living room, waiting for me. i hope that you’ll show up one day because i don’t have the courage to do it myself. i hope that even though i fucked everything up, that i’ll find a way to fix it. because all i want, all i’ve ever wanted, is you.” 

your chest tightened with every word, your eyes building up the same dam of tears they had back in philly. 

“and i know you live in new york now, and i don’t expect you to leave all of that behind, but i don’t think i can keep this to myself anymore, y/n.” you nodded slowly, watching him push the box open with the pad of his thumb. 

the audible gasp that left you pulled confusion out of him. he watched you stare at the ring, so delicately placed in the middle of the base of the box. 

"you seem surprised.” he spoke through a small laugh, and you tried to sniffle in hopes that it would keep your tears at bay. 

“i’m not surprised, i’m just, wow. nolan, this is fucking gorgeous.” 

“tk said you found it before you left.” you let out a soft laugh as you reached up to wipe the wetness out of your eyes.

“i didn’t open it.” you shook your head gently as you looked back at him, watching realization dawn on him once more. 

“i know it’s a lot to ask, especially after all this time. we live in different places, and maybe it’ll be harder now than it ever has been, but i need to ask. i need to ask because i want to try, y/n. fuck being scared, fuck what people think. i don’t care about anything of that shit anymore. i want you, all of you. i want the life we were meant to have, and i’ll do everything it takes to get there.” 

you were crying, but you were smiling, which made nolan smile. he reached for your cheeks, wiping the wet trails off of your skin before resting his forehead against yours. 

“nolan.” you gripped his wrist in your hand gently and felt him pull back to look at you, his eyes burning into yours. “i want all of that, more than anything, but i can’t pretend like all of this shit didn’t happen. i can’t jump straight back into it, no matter how badly i want to.”

he nodded, a gentle smile playing at his lips before he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“we don’t have to pick up where we left off. i’d actually prefer it if we didn’t, but i want to work towards it. i want to marry you, even if it’s ten years from now.” you let out a small laugh, one that made his smile reach further up on his cheeks.

“i’d really like that.” you spoke softly before a pair of lips were pressed against yours. 

you tried not to let yourself melt too far into it, tried to keep your feet flat on the ground, but that was impossible with nolan’s lips pressed against yours. when his lips touched yours, you lived in a world where nothing bad ever happened. it felt like everything was right, everything was whole. 

he pulled back far too soon, but when he pressed another soft kiss to your lips, much quicker than the last, and pressed his forehead against yours, you seceded. 

“will you still take the ring? i want you to have it.” you laughed softly and nodded, holding out your hand for him to slip it onto your finger. 

you melted at the sight of nolan sliding a dainty ring onto your finger before lifting your hand and kissing your knuckles softly. it was a sight you hoped you’d see one day, even if this is how it happened. 

“what happens when we do get engaged? do i have to give it back to you?” he laughed, a real, guttural laugh that had your heart absolutely soaring. 

“i’ll get you another one.” 

“oh god, am i going to be one of those girls with rings on all of her fingers?” you whined, not wanting to end up with a ring for every time nolan made a mistake, but it just made him laugh and pull you over into his lap. 

“just the two. and a wedding band. you’re obviously getting a wedding band.” you rolled your eyes but reached out, cupping his face in your hands before pressing a kiss to his lips again. 

“i love you.” he smiled widely against your lips, thinking that he had never missed a simple phrase so much in his entire life. 

“i love you so much.” he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into him impossibly closer. “we’ll figure everything out, right?” 

you smiled and nodded, rubbing the pad of your thumb over the skin of his cheek. 

“we’ll figure it all out.”

- 

nolpat taglist; @extratragic​ @shelbsays​ @teenagekook​ @stfukie​ @kiedhara​

[all-you-need-is-paul-mccartney]

Across the Universe II (Paul McCartney x Female!Reader)

Find Part One Here

A/N: I just checked chapter 1 and I literally put it up over a year ago. Shit. I just wrote a part 2, and finally got ahold of a computer to post it. I hope you's enjoy it. my last chapter had like... 20 likes altogether, so hopefully this chapter will draw some readers in.

Summary: Paul makes it to the Princeton campus where he not only reunites with his cousin Vick, but he meets a fellow stoner named Max. From there, the boys indulge in some Ivy League Hospitality.

WARNINGS: Drinking, swearing, smoking psychoactive substances (Cannabis), just dumb college guys doing dumb college shit. also, it's probably got mistakes bc I suck at revising

This is just a statement clearing up that none of these characters are mine except for Vick. Everyone else belongs to those who were involved in and/or collaborated with Julie Taymor in making the Across The Universe film (2007)

I'll rate this one a T seeing as the substance use isn't THAT bad.

"Vick Hoffner?"

"Try across the way, man. I think there's a Vick of sorts there."

Paul simply nodded at the stranger before turning on his heel and making a beeline to the next apartment, his hands fiddling with his useless book of contacts.

What was the point of giving me your number if you won't even pick up the phone?

He sighed, and rubbed his eyes tiredly with the palm of his hand. He'd been hitchhiking for two days just to get to the Princeton Campus, and then a few hours going through the closest rented apartments to locate him.

This was apartment number 9.

And it was nearing one AM.

Paul rapped weakly at the door, silently concluding that this would be the last place to check before finding somewhere to sleep until the next morning.

The door swung open, and Paul was face-to-face with this college kid who seemed to be about his age. He had unkempt blonde hair that curled around his ears, patchy stubble, and big blue eyes hazed over with the red assault of cannabis in his system.

Despite this, and the nearly empty beer bottle in his hand, the guy looked like he was keeping it together pretty well.

Paul cleared his throat, and raised an eyebrow. "... Vick Hoffner?"

"Nah, man. He's out at the moment gettin' drinks," the guy paused, and looked at Paul for a moment.

"Hey, hold on, you're not... Vick's cousin, are you?"

"Would it be an issue?" Paul asked sarcastically, to which the other guy responded after a laugh, "Nah. I just can't wait for him to get back and find out you got the better looks."

Paul just rolled his eyes, a smile on his lips. "Probably don't matter. He's the brains n' so is me brother. 'S what really matters; though I take pride in this thing." Paul pointed teasingly at his face.

The other guy smiled, pulling two cigarettes from behind his ear. He offered one to Paul, and he claimed the other. He lit the both of their cigs, and they each took a long drag after Paul scanned the apartment hallway for any angry tenants who happened to be against smoking indoors.

"So... does Vick's "pretty boy" cousin have a name?"

Paul nodded like the fact that he had a name was astounding information, but he smiled genuinely before bringing the cigarette back to his lips. "It's Paul."

"Max," The blond shoved his hand out, and the boys shook hands firmly. Max eyed Paul again."Where's that accent from, Paul?"

"Same place as me," Paul answered as he shoved his free hand in his pocket, blowing out smoke a moment after. "Liverpool."

"But why come to America?" Max gestured Paul into the apartment as he spoke, closing the door behind them. "Kill someone? Were you on the run from the cops? FBI?"

"'Sounds like you'd be one to know 'bout all of that." The boys took a seat on the couch in the centre of the room as their cigarettes slowly burned away as they chatted.

"Hey, hey, I've barely ever been in trouble with the cops, but I have pissed off every professor in Princeton, and have broken several campus windows."

" 'nd... you're proud of it?"

"I'm an adrenaline junkie, what can I say? Smashed nearly forty five windows and despite being Princeton's number one vandalidm suspect, I'm still not expelled. Y'know why?" Paul leaned in a little, enough to catch the dank scent of weed, and Max lowered his voice. "... because they can never prove it's me."

" 'nd why is that?"

The answer to Paul's question burst right through the apartment door.

"There's three more of us, and it could be any of them!" One of which, Paul could surprisingly recognize.

"Vick. Long time no see," Paul rose to his feet, and Vick, who'd set a six-pack of beer on the coffee table between them, greeted his cousin with a friendly hug and some "how are you"s.

Despite being an intelligent young man, Paul noticed that Vick behaved a little less like how he used to: polite, conservative, and proper. It was suspected that his behaviour changed because his newfound freedom at Uni allowed him to experience and access things that he would have been otherwise restricted from when he was younger.

Booze was one of them.

Dope was another.

In fact, he wordlessly cracked open a beer for Paul, and handed it to him like he'd asked for a drink in the first place.

Paul wasn't a huge drinker. It was never a vice of his, or anything like that either. He got shitfaced every once in a while for fun.

But when he brought that aluminum can up to his lips, Paul would never have guessed that it would have led to the night it did.

Five minutes after Vick and his buddies returned, Max brought out the roach Paul suspected he was sucking on before he got there.

With enthusiastic cheers from around the room, Max lit the sucker up, took a nice drag from the hot remainders of the joint, and passed it on to Paul.

Paul looked at the roach, almost as if he was confused. No one had asked him if he'd ever smoked before, but Max and the others yelled hurriedly over top of one another, instructing for Paul to suck in quickly and hold the smoke in for as long as he could.

It resulted in a coughing fit, and encouraging pats on the back from the other guys. Vick ended up taking the roach next, and Max reached out across the table.

"Have another one of these, my friend," he slid over another beer after cracking it open just moments before, despite the fact that Paul wasn't quite finished his first drink.

"Y'know, the more you cough, the higher you get? Pretty fucking sick. Like a win-win, man. You don't cough: You're high. You cough: You're super high."

As time went on, and Paul nursed his second drink more responsibly than the first one, things, ironically, started making less and less sense to him.

At one point, he was talking to the guy sitting across from him, and he just stopped talking for a whole ten seconds before turning to Max and asking "what the fuck was I just talking about?"

"Who fucking knows." The blond's shoulders shook as he tried suppressing his laughs, but eventually Paul just burst out into laughs and uncontrollable tears.

And everyone followed suit.

He had absolutely no idea how he got there, or how long he'd been there for, but sitting before Paul were now two empty Tankards. A waitress just set down another to him, and collected the table's empty glasses.

They were in a bar.

Max sat beside Paul as he watched Vick spectate the other two guys play pool.

For the life of him, Paul couldn't remember those guys' names, despite knowing he was told multiple times in the last few hours. To be fair, being drunk and stoned is a perfectly reasonable explanation as to how one forgets another's name. He supposed it didn't exactly matter, anyways.

"So, you got any hot sisters abroad I should know about?" Paul gave Max a funny look  but it may have been because it took so long for Paul's brain to register what had been asked.

"... No. Do you?"

"I've got two younger sisters; one's eight, and the older one's a little on the uglier side," though he didn't say it, Max's little smile indicated to Paul that he was joking about the last comment.

Paul and Max watched the boys play pool a little longer until the eight ball was pocketed.

"Wanna play?" Paul's head snapped to his left, and he nodded at Max's offer.

The other guys traded off, and Vick continued spectating. Max made the first break, and Paul watched as the cue ball rolled right into one of the pockets. Well, it seemed to have been only him to notice, because Max's eyes were instead trained on a brunette woman passing the two.

She looked over her shoulder to wink at Max, and rather than gouging his reaction, she simply walked off and took a seat alone in the corner of the bar.

"Do you believe in love at first sight, McCartney?"

"Well, I'm sure that it 'appens all the time. Never 'appened to me, personally."

"You just need to find the right one, my friend.." Max trailed off again, eyes still locked on the bird in the corner. He was slowly inching from the table and toward her. Max eventually just set the cue on the table and completely abandoned their game to talk to this girl, who flashed him a flirty smile with her bright white teeth and painted lips.

Paul watched Max amusedly, taking a swig from his beer and memorizing the moves Max was putting on his lady friend, who was clearly enjoying his company.

Maybe Paul wanted to get better at approaching certain women. He knew how to flirt, and be charming. It's not like he'd never had girlfriends. He'd had his fair share of girls in his teenage years, and he had Molly now back in Liverpool.

But Paul, at this moment, in his crossfaded brain, realized that he didn't want to attract the women he had been anymore. Just from her visual appearance, and how she was reacting to Max's charming flirts, Paul could sense an airiness to her personality. She was always smiling, inching closer, initiating physical contact by nudging his hand with her own, the list goes on.

Hell, even on her happiest days, Molly would be reluctant to kiss Paul, but he'd excuse her behaviour because she was just a regularly bitchy person who hated public displays of affection.

Or hardly any affection at all, it seemed.

Needless to say, Max returned to the table five minutes later with a phone number and a big red lipstick stain on his cheek. So to celebrate, the gang decided to go golfing.

"Here she is, Window Way," Max introduced Paul to the roof of their apartment building. The other boys started giggling at the name "Window Way". Each guy had their own club, Max held a bag of golf balls, and Vick carried another six pack.

Max set his things down and took in the crisp night air as Vick opened yet another beer for each of the boys. Max took a can for him, and one for Paul, and proceeded to show his new buddy just why he called it "Window Way".

"A Driver will send a ball..." Max pointed his arm straight out in front of him, his finger pointing right towards the windows of the Princeton Campus library.

"...Straight towards the school," Paul finished. He turned to look at Max. "You guys do this every night?"

"Paul, I do this all day. I barely go to class anymore."

"Hey, Max! You tee first!" One of the nameless guys called out to them. Max brandished the widest of grins before rushing to grab his club, a ball, and a green tee from his pocket. "Hey, Paulie, wanna help me out by holding my tee up?"

"Well, how'd I do that without gettin' hit?"

The other boys started laughing again, and Paul was genuinely confused until he found himself lying on his back seconds later, and the bottom of the tee between his lips, which only got heavier when Max set the ball down onto it.

If he were sober in this moment, Paul would not have been this comfortable with someone swinging a golf club full force towards his head and then trust their judgement regardless of their in intoxicity that they'd hit their target...

It was a good thing Max had been doing this for a long time, because wow, did that ball ever fly.

Paul watched in stoned disbelief as the ball soared far off into the distance and over the roof of the library. And while no one had seen it, they certainly heard the shatter from the other side of the building.

And that's when all five boys ran away from administration retired back to their room to light up a new joint Vick had also brought home as a surprise. They all sat around and lazily talked to one another about how crazy Max's shot was, and while some of them were falling in and out of sleep, Max insisted they all stay up to watch the sky change colour from the courtyard.

Paul didn't know how he stayed up any longer than he did, but he pulled through like a trooper, and they all watched the sky change as they lay down in the fallen leaves. But as soon as they all came back to their room for a final time, Paul dragged himself in exhaustion to the living room chair to sit, but he just slipped out of it onto the floor, and that's when his body decided to turn off on its own.

The other guys dropped to the ground or onto the furniture like dead flies, and within ten seconds of the door closing, the room was quiet.

And it stayed like that for nearly ten hours.

Paul woke up that evening with a raging headache and multiple trips to the bathroom to be sick, but now three things were certain for him: He definitely had one hell of a time, he definitely wanted to hang out with Max a lot more, and that evening Paul definitely got by with a little help from his new friends.

------------------------------------------------------

A/A/N: alrighty, if this chapter doesn't do too too bad, I'll see about continuing this story. I've got chapter 3 pretty much done as well, I'm just in the midst of revising it. If you want more, by all means, PLEASE let me know!

[defiantsuggestions]

wait me too,, it’s hard bc i don’t know when she’ll act up and decide to throw me under the bus and snitch on me to my parents and make everything worse and she always plays it off as a joke i’m tired

Yeah, it sucks. It's exhausting. It's emotional whiplash. I'm sorry you've been through this too.

In my experience, it's the betrayal that gets me. The utter disregard for my wellbeing while demanding nothing but 100% support.

The constant, repeated assurances that we're the same, that they know what I've been through, that promise of support, only to have them rip the rug out from under me the moment they decide I'm getting too big for myself.

They've outright threatened me, directly to my face, and then laughed it off after the fact without an apology because they're "just like that."

I spent an entire week once having multiple daily panic attacks because they wouldn't stop their hour long rants about all the awful things that were going to happen if I didn't "fess up" to something they thought I was hiding, and when it finally smoothed over and they were satisfied I wasn't hiding anything they just shrugged off that entire week of torment. Over something I wasnt even doing and had never done. They didn't care. They thought I was hiding something and therefore they were owed their cruelty.

Yeah, they're also a victim, but the solidarity in that means jack shit when they are also a threat. They were not on my side. It didn't matter how much I tried to work with them, they abused me, I was their emotional punching bag, which was how everyone in my family treated me because I was the only one who preferred de-escalating over just exploding and tearing others apart.

And they absolutely have accused me of being just like my parents when I tried to call them out on what they were doing to me. They accused me of making shit up, and of being too sensitive, and of trying to make them feel like the bad guy over what they insisted was nothing. If I had a problem with their mistreatment it was always my fault and I should learn to just put up with it.

Here's a telling example of how much they cared about what I thought;

They had a nickname for me, which they would call out in the most disgusting, demeaning, ear crawling way. They drew it out in sing-song, addressing me in the same way they address their pet. Exactly the same tone.

And when I didn't respond with enthusiasm and joy they would get offended, because they were "just saying hi," and that I should be grateful that they were giving me that attention.

And I told them, multiple times, to stop. I told them I didn't like it, that it made me uncomfortable. I didn't want them to treat me like a pet. It felt gross.

And my protests just made them do it more. They made it a point to keep greeting me like that, to sing out that nickname mid-conversation, to do it as often as possible out of spite.

Fast forward to a year later. They're still using that awful sing-song nickname. By that point, I'd given up on protesting. It wasn't worth the fight anymore. I put up with it because I had no other choice.

And they said to me, laughing. "Ha, remember when you hated that I did that?"

And I nearly fucking lost it.

I told them, calmly, that I still hated it, that I never stopped hating it.

And this asshole was shocked, shocked I say. They couldn't fathom that I still hated it after they forced that name on me for over a year. They'd decided for me that I should love that name, and if they just kept doing it I eventually would.

They never stopped, by the way. They kept doing it for the remainder of our time together, because goodness knows my opinion didn't matter.

The enemy of my enemy is not always my friend. Sometimes they are also my enemy.

[dudeandduchess]

Sabito x F!S/O x Giyuu: Teaching Moment (NSFW Scenario):

NOTE: Hey hey, bbys. This is what I’d teased y’all for during the beginning of the year. And finally, I’m done with it. Lmao. I was supposed to post it tomorrow (the 12th for me, as a little birthday treat from me to you guys) but I’ll most likely be busy... so... 🎂🎉 ✨ I feel so old at 25, yaaaay.

Also, I added in @biznichwrites‘ vaginal fisting request bc these are her men, and this was written because of her in the first place. 😂✨✨✨ Hope you like it, Biz.

***

Warnings: Smut, Oral Sex, Blowjobs, Deepthroating, DVP, Creampie, Vaginal Fisting, Daddy Kink, Breeding Kink, D/s Themes, Dirty Talk, Teasing, Pussy Spanking, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Denial, Overstimulation, Yaoi (?)

Summary: Wherein Giyuu comes home and has to be taught the art of eating pussy... and more. >:D

“Sabito, please. Giyuu’s going to come back any minute now,” (Y/n) pleaded softly— as quietly as she could— over the lewd noises that her lover elicited from running the tip of his index finger down her wet slit.

Her entire body jerked when he flicked her clit playfully, which had the peach-haired man chuckling to himself. “So? Let him see. It could be a teaching moment.”

As much as the idea made the young woman even wetter, the protest still formed on her tongue— only to be dashed away the moment that Sabito laid down between her legs and shamelessly licked a stripe up her cunt.

“You got even wetter when I mentioned Giyuu. Such a naughty girl, (Y/n). You want him to fuck you? To stick his cock inside and stretch that tight cunt out?”

(Y/n)’s walls clenched at the very imagery of that; Giyuu between her legs, thrusting his cock inside her with all the force he could muster. It was so sinful that she found herself whimpering just imagining it.

“Yes.” Her answer was so quiet that Sabito barely heard it but, when he did, he chuckled against her— which fanned his warm breath across her aching clit. And knowing him, he’d done that on purpose; because nothing about Sabito was done needlessly.

He always had to have a bigger plan up his sleeve, and if that wasn’t attractive as hell, (Y/n) didn’t know what was.

However, instead of feeling his tongue once more, she felt his hand come down upon her cunt. “Yes what?”

The action made the young woman’s body twitch in response, while Sabito placed his hands on either side of her thighs to keep her from closing them.

“Yes, Daddy.”

Instantaneously, a grin lifted the corners of the Hashira’s lips, as pleasure coursed through him at the utterance of that single word.

He decided to reward her then, by leaning down once more and taking her clit into his mouth. His teeth nipped at the small bundle of nerves, while his tongue flicked at it rapidly— enough to make her back arch, as her hands tightly gripped the futon beneath her.

However, the moment (Y/n) felt the tightness in her lower abdomen get even tighter, her lover pulled away and sat upright— as if she weren’t shaking with the need to cum.

“Not yet, baby,” Sabito crooned playfully. He merely sat there between her legs, with his hands on her thighs and his fingers digging into her supple flesh. “I want you to cum all over Giyuu’s mouth first.”

The image of that happening made the young woman whimper. She bit her bottom lip and tried to squeeze her legs together, only to have Sabito narrow his eyes at her.

Chills rose all over her body at his heated stare, since it was a look that spoke of a silent warning. Sabito didn’t like repeating himself, so (Y/n) made the wise decision to behave— lest he actually punished her for disobeying him.

“Sabito? (Y/n)?” Giyuu called out from the hall, all while he made his way to their shared bedroom.

His mission from the night before had gone smoothly, so he was in the mood to celebrate. Maybe with a simple lunch, or maybe with a nap while cuddled up to (Y/n)— he wasn’t entirely sure yet.

But when he opened the shoji that led to their room, his eyes immediately widened in surprise, as he saw (Y/n) laid bare on the futon with an equally naked Sabito sat between her legs.

Giyuu wasn’t inexperienced with sex, since he and Sabito had shared (Y/n) on more than one occasion— but he couldn’t deny the fact that he still had so much to learn, like how to properly eat (Y/n)’s pussy.

He could feel his cock harden between his legs, but he resisted the urge to palm himself over his pants in an effort to not seem overly eager. Still, when (Y/n)’s eyes connected with his, his hands twitched with the need to apply even the tiniest amount of pressure to his cock.

“Come here, Giyuu,” Sabito beckoned with a crook of his index finger.

And immediately, every single cell in Giyuu’s body felt as if they were drawn to the other man by some invisible force. He didn’t even try to resist it, as he knew that resistance was futile.

His feet brought him closer to where both of his lovers laid, and he got down onto his knees— waiting in anticipation for whatever the peach-haired Hashira was going to say.

“I want you to make (Y/n) cum using your mouth. Can you do that?” The last question was a rhetorical one, and everyone in the room knew that; so Giyuu could only nod and take over Sabito’s position between (Y/n)’s legs.

Meanwhile, Sabito assumed his spot right behind (Y/n)— propping her up against his chest, while his feet kept her ankles apart. He didn’t say anything, merely waited with the vestiges of a satisfied smirk as Giyuu got down to glide his tongue up their lover’s slit.

The young woman’s hands flew to hold onto Sabito’s forearms— digging her nails into his skin as his hands moved to cup her breasts and play with her nipples.

“Oh fuck, Giyuu,” (Y/n) mewled wantonly, as her hips bucked up to make his tongue focus on her clit. He wasn’t as good as Sabito was at eating her out, as he often hesitated and second guessed himself, and that was one of those times.

But Sabito was having none of it; he reached his right hand out and palmed the back of Giyuu’s head— before pulling his face flush against (Y/n)’s cunt. “Eat her cunt out like it’s your last fucking meal!”

That had her crying out so loudly that it made the peach-haired man’s cock twitch at her back. Sabito wanted nothing more than to bury his dick so deep into her that it would be hard to tell where she ended and he began, but he had more self control than that; so, instead, he pressed Giyuu’s face further against her to get his mind off of it.

The tongue lapping at (Y/n)’s cunt grew more fervent with the press of Giyuu’s cheeks to her inner thighs; Sabito was merciless as he practically smothered the other man with the pussy he was eating out. Still, neither of the two minded— in fact, they grew even needier at the raw dominance that the Hashira was exhibiting.

“Fuck, please, Giyuu- Daddy! I’m so close,” (Y/n) cried out as she dug her nails into the latter’s arms, all while her hips tried to buck up into the former’s mouth.

Her clit bumped against the tip of his tongue and the tip of his nose every so often, that it was enough to have her legs quivering as they had been earlier. And when she thought that things couldn’t get better, Giyuu actually buckled down and slipped his tongue inside her sopping hole.

He thrusted his tongue in and out of her, before moving out and up to pay more attention to her clit.

“Suck it in your mouth and bite down on it until you feel her tense up, then flick it with your tongue,” Sabito pointed out, while Giyuu obeyed his every word perfectly; rendering (Y/n) into more of a mess than she had been earlier.

She tried to reach down to run her fingers through Giyuu’s hair, only to have Sabito catch her hands by the wrists. He then held them tight against her chest, preventing her from making any other movement as her entire body shook with her impending orgasm.

“That’s it, baby. Cum for us,” The Hashira crooned into her ear, before clamping his teeth down on the shell of it and sucking it into his mouth.

With that, her orgasm coursed through her entire body— making her cry out broken and shaky moans, as Giyuu continued sucking at her clit.

“That’s Daddy’s good little slut. Do you want mine and Giyuu’s cocks now?”

(Y/n) could only nod, as her eyes drooped with fatigue. Her breaths also came in short, ragged pants— a sign that her orgasm had been a really big one, meaning that she was more than sensitive at that moment.

It was perfect for what Sabito had in mind.

“Giyuu, hurry up and strip.” The other man didn’t need to be told twice, and he made quick work of his uniform. His hands were unsteady at best, yet he forced them to comply with his brain, because he was so hard in his pants that he was ready to blow at any minute.

Slowly, Sabito leaned back until he was laying flat against the futon, before he slid (Y/n) up enough to let his cock spring up against her pussy.

As he had always done before, Giyuu took Sabito’s erection in his hand and licked him from his balls up to the tip— where a tiny bead of precum gathered at the slit.

He then took the other man’s length in his mouth, sinking down on it before swirling his tongue around the head of Sabito’s cock; while the latter grunted quietly before thrusting upwards to sink his dick further into Giyuu’s mouth.

The action made tears spring up in Giyuu’s eyes, but he pushed past the uncomfortable feeling of gagging, before taking Sabito all the way to the hilt.

“That’s good, Giyuu. Fuck,” He groaned out, before adding, “But I want to cum inside (Y/n).”

Giyuu wanted that too, so he pulled Sabito’s dick from his mouth, before positioning the head at (Y/n)’s entrance. “I want to cum inside (Y/n) too.”

“Yes, please, I want both of your cocks inside me. Please, Daddy... please, Giyuu—” (Y/n) couldn’t even finish her sentence, as Sabito thrusted upwards and buried his cock all the way to the hilt. Her walls were tight, but welcomed him easily enough— and parted even more when Giyuu took his own cock in hand and pushed the head of his erection inside her.

Both men filled her so well that all she could do was throw her head back, while her hands sought out to touch her own breasts. Her fingers pinched her nipples playfully, and tugged at them every once in a while to add to the pleasurable sensation that pooled at the pit of her stomach.

But that didn’t even hold a candle to the euphoria that coursed through her when both Sabito and Giyuu started thrusting into her.

They took turns at first— with just one cock at a time rubbing against her womb— until they fell into a good rhythm and ended up moving against her at the same time. She couldn’t get enough of the feeling of two cock heads stimulating her walls; every drag of them within her sent her mewling and clinging even tighter to her breasts.

Giyuu’s hands settled on her thighs at first, gripping her tight enough for his fingers to leave red spots along her skin, but not enough to bruise.

While, from beneath her, Sabito unwrapped one arm from her middle and cupped her cunt; before pinching her clit between his index and middle finger, and rubbing it frantically.

She was so heady with pleasure that she could only scream and beg Sabito and Giyuu for more. And as her legs shook with the onslaught of another orgasm, Giyuu began to pound even more frantically against her as he felt his own peak draw closer.

“I’m cumming,” The raven-haired man cried out, before burying himself balls deep inside (Y/n) and spraying his seed all over her walls as well as Sabito’s cock.

And while Sabito found that hot as fuck, he couldn’t help but be a bit miffed that Giyuu didn’t last longer than usual. So, to punish him, he began to rapidly thrust up into (Y/n)— purposely rubbing the heads of their cocks together to take advantage of his sensitivity.

“Don’t take your cock out until I’m fucking done, Giyuu,” Sabito warned through slightly uneven breaths. He picked up the pace even more— tightening his hold around (Y/n) as he practically bounced her up and down his cock.

“Y-yes, Sabito,” Giyuu whimpered, screwing his eyes shut and muffling his moans by biting down on his bottom lip. The feel of Sabito’s cock rubbing against his, while (Y/n)’s walls pulsed around both their cocks was too much— yet he felt that he could never have enough.

His erection was starting to soften a little, yet he kept it inside their lover— because he didn’t want to disobey Sabito’s orders. He liked getting punished by the man himself, but he wasn’t in the mood for it at that moment; he just wanted to cuddle up with (Y/n) while she nestled his cock in her pussy.

“Ah, fuck, (Y/n). Get fucking pregnant from our cum,” The peach-haired Hashira cried out, while his hips jerked up to bury himself as deep as he could go inside his and Giyuu’s lover. And with that, his cum shot out of him in thick ropes and covered Giyuu’s cock as well as (Y/n)’s walls.

His fingers then worked frantically at her clit— rubbing and pinching the small bundle of nerves— until she clamped down on their cocks and released the most sinful moan he’d ever had the pleasure of hearing. Her thighs quivered violently, while her whole body tensed as her orgasm coursed through her.

And, had Sabito seen the way that her eyes had rolled to the back of her head, he would have been as entranced as Giyuu was.

Immediately afterwards, though, Sabito pulled (Y/n) off of their cocks before handing her over to Giyuu.

The raven-haired male cradled her in his arms, much like how Sabito had held her earlier while he had been eating her out. However, Giyuu began to pepper (Y/n)’s clammy skin with light kisses, as both of them tried to get their breathing under control.

From her shoulders, up the side of her neck, and to her right temple, almost no inch of skin was left untouched by Giyuu’s lips— while he observed the way that Sabito rubbed their cum and their lover’s juices off of his dick on onto his right hand.

The peach-haired Hashira knelt down between (Y/n)’s legs at that, then smirked up at her. “Since you’ve been a good girl, daddy’s going to reward you, baby. But there’s a catch...”

“Anything, Daddy. I’ll do anything for you,” (Y/n) whispered, almost desperate to find out what Sabito meant to do even though— judging by the way he was already inserting his fingers inside her— she already had a feeling of what he wanted to do to her.

They’d done fisting before, so it was nothing new for the two of them, but they’d never done it after sex— so that was the novelty in doing it at that moment.

“Good girl,” He praised with a grin, before slipping all his other fingers inside her abused hole.

Slowly, he sank his hand inside her— all the way to the knuckles— and she couldn’t help but whimper at how full she already felt.

“The catch is you have to keep mine and Giyuu’s cum inside you.”

(Y/n) was close to delirious with pleasure, but she found herself nodding before leaning her head back against Giyuu’s shoulder. “Yes, Daddy. Please fist me.”

“If anything spills, I’m going to have to punish you,” Sabito warned gently, as he continued pushing his hand up her cunt. His thumb had barely entered her, when her pussy practically swallowed the rest of his hand— all the way to his wrist.

She had become so wet with her own juices— as well as their cum— to have made it easier for Sabito to fist her. However, she could feel their cum slowly slipping out of her, so she tightened her walls around Sabito’s fist— only to have her eyes roll back in pleasure when he began to slowly rotate his hand by the wrist.

(Y/n) felt so blissed out that her consciousness was slowly fading away, but she held tight to it because it just felt so damn good.

However, when the tip of Sabito’s middle finger brushed up against her cervix, she moaned so loudly that it clued him in to another one of her erogenous zones.

So, while Giyuu comforted her by pressing kisses to her skin and occasionally leaving love bites, Sabito kept rubbing at the mouth of her cervix— which brought her so much pleasure that she couldn’t help but let her tongue loll out the corner of her mouth, while her eyes rolled up to the back of her head.

“Such a good slut for us, isn’t she Giyuu?” And if she thought that they were already done, she was sorely wrong— because they were only getting started.

[xcertaindarkthingsx]

so i’m still emotionally hungover from the finale

like.... embarrassingly so. it’s coming up on a week and i still tear up thinking about it or whenever i see gifs on my dash (which is why i haven’t reblogged any mando things lately alkdjfalj i cry everytime)

but idk i just have a lot of thots still about it so i’m just gonna dump them here.  feel free to message/ask to discuss, we can be in pain together LMAO

OK FIRST THE FACT THAT WE HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL 2022 

i was so devastated when i heard that my god 

like yes of course i am excited for boba fett and to see fennec bUT LIKE I MISS MY SPACE COWBOY AND HIS SON

i just.... cannot get over that they’re apart

like, trust me i understand why grogu had to leave but it just breaks my fucking heart

i cannot get over how good din is.  like he is just a good person overall.  he gives so much even if it means getting nothing in return.  even to complete strangers.  he’s this hardened, no nonsense man but shows so much KINDNESS to everyone he touches and that’s why i love him so so much 

even after doing everything in his power to save the kid, he still loses him in the end but he lets him go because he knows it’s for the best

like... din knows what it’s like to be lost, to be without his people, his clan.  hell, he’s living it! he’s looking for the rest of his covert after seeing them mostly get wiped out, not even knowing how many of them are even left.

and now we know that grogu went through the same thing as a youngling, he’s lost and without his people, he doesn’t have that familiarity and he never thought he would get that back. until now.

until that new hope of luke appears

so that’s why din let’s him go. he wants his son to become what he was meant to be.  

and i don’t even wanna TALK ABOUT GROGU ASKING FOR PERMISSION TO LEAVE 

BC IT HURTS

HE LOVES DIN SO MUCH HE SEES HIM AS A FATHER

AND GROGU WAS PROBABLY SO TORN ABOUT LEAVING 

but maybe he does bc he knows how much his dad has sacrificed to get him where he is.  and he wants to protect him.  

I’M CRYING AGAIN  

DIN DJARIN DESERVES TO BE WITH HIS CHILD AND YET HE ISN’T

he started this journey alone and now he’s just... alone again

ALSO WE DIDN’T GET A KELDABE KISS OR HIM SPEAKING TO GROGU IN MANDO’A AND I WILL BE FOREVER SALTY ABOUT IT OKAY

the face touch was so precious though, i’ll give them that bc i was bawling like a mf baby 

“don’t be afraid?” yeah excuse me while i go pass away

the whole moment was just so soft and tender it just melted my insides 

shoutout to pedro pascal’s magnificent acting during that whole scene bc i was inconsolable for like hours

ALSO WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM TAKE OFF HIS HELMET WITH SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!!!!

i feel like it would have been more impactful if they had like a brief private moment together

yanno THAT WAY DIN IS NOT LIKE ACTIVELY SHOWING HIS FACE TO EVERYONE

that nod of acknowledgement between din and luke, where din understands that luke really will protect the child with his life so he knows it’s okay.

i’m fine

WHY DIDN’T THEY BRING UP THE SILVER BALL AND THE MYTHOSAUR NECKLACE

WHY

i would have loved to see just, idk a shot of the necklace on grogu and din like absentmindedly holding the metal ball

i don’t want to think about how after din probably just holds it and cries 

I’M FINE

luke skywalker showing up to save the day in his chanel boots will always be a fave

however it sucks that i immediately bawl 2 minutes after he shows up HAHA the thrill of seeing him is cut short by my sadness

(although.... it would have been cool to see cal. but i’m ok with it being luke bc we finally get the luke we deserve/know and love)

also luv ludwig goransson for the bangers

even though the theme makes me cry now

also, MISS ‘gideon is mine, got it?’ BO-KATAN...... WHY TF DID YOU NOT LOOK FOR GIDEON WHEN HE WAS NOT ON THE BRIDGE 

HMMMMMMMM

(i understand this was to further complicate the plot of her acquiring the darksaber but like.... man did it piss me off when she had that surprised pikachu face after seeing din with that saber LMAO like what did u think was gonna happen girl?????)

props to gideon for being a shady lil’ shit about it LMAO 

however shoutout to our accidental mand’alor din djarin

luv that for him

he’s sexy with that saber CHANGE MY MIND

pls i cannot get that end shot of boba and fennec on the throne out of my head ladjfkdj the bi panic was real 

uhhhh ya i think that’s it 

i had a lot more thoughts tbh but i’m at work and burnt out so 

[worldwidemochiguy]

jealousy (M) soft! yandere taehyung

Summary: After Taehyung spends too much time on his work and not enough time on you, you decide to take matters into your own hands... which leads into him taking you into his own hands (if yknow what i mean ;))))))

Warnings: Yandere themes, smut, spanking, light Dom/sub overtones, possessive behaviour,

Word Count: 2.5K

Authors note: this is my second time writing this bc i accidentally shut down my laptop the first time 🤡🤡 anyways... please like and reblog and even leave a comment? ahaha,, jus kidding... unless...?

Made for Each Other series masterlist

General masterlist

Taehyung has not eaten today. You know this because straight after waking up to him kissing his way down your stomach (and lower) he brought you breakfast in bed. He is a fantastic cook, and he knows all of your favourite meals by heart. Unluckily, you two seem to have entirely different palates, and the meal he brought you, though delicious to you, was something he would prefer not to eat. He reassured you he was fine with just watching your satisfaction of eating — making you blush deeply, which then led to a lazy morning make-out session in bed. 

You got so distracted that you both realised there was little time before you were supposed to be at work. Taehyung is the boss, of course, so it’s not like he would be disciplined for being late, but he likes to stay punctual, and you like to please him, so you got ready in record time. It was only once you were out of the door that you remembered Taehyung didn’t end up having breakfast. You brought it up with a cute pout on your face but he only cooed at you and reassured you he would have an extra-large lunch.

However, Taehyung has since been distracted with an important project — important enough that he hadn’t even checked on you in, like, two hours — and you don’t remember him taking the time to slip in a quick break to eat. It seems you have to take the matter into your own hands.

“Tae~” you whine, leaning against the doorway of your conjoined offices. He barely looks up from his laptop, which is displaying some kind of nonsensical graph, and you frown. “Tae!” Your voice is slightly more insistent this time, and he grunts in acknowledgement. A crease forms in between your eyebrows, a crease Taehyung would usually soothe away with a kiss, but obviously he’s too focused on stupid graphs right now to bother. But the crease ends up melting away as you smirk, a devious plan forming in your head. If he won’t give you his attention, then you guess you’ll have to take it by any means necessary. 

“I’m going to get some water.” You throw the words over your shoulder as you leave the office, and receive yet another grunt in response. Typical. He definitely deserves this, you think.

“Hoseok-oppa!” You call, loud enough that Taehyung should just about be able to hear it, and six heads shoot up at once, all carrying expressions of various levels of confusion. Hoseok, who’s desk is closest to Taehyung’s office, looks most confused of all. 

“Uh, y/n,” he starts, his gaze flicking nervously in between you and Taehyung’s office, which has a wall made of glass meaning that Taehyung can see everything that happens outside of his office. At least, that’s what you’re hoping for. “I really don’t think Taehyung would be happy with you-”

“It’s ok,” you murmur, and then throw in an obvious giggle. Hoseok’s bewildered face tilts up at you as you near his desk until you’re sitting on it, dangerously close to him, at least by Taehyung’s standards. “He’s too focused on his work. He hasn’t even eaten today. I’m pretty sure this will snap him out of it.” Hoseok’s eyes widen in understanding and amusement, and he leans forward as well to make it look like the two of you were almost trading secrets. 

“I see,” he speaks in a low tone, “You want his attention.” You nod, and he chuckles slightly, “Well, you’ve definitely got it.” 

Before you can ask what he means, your stomach lurches as you are grabbed and raised into the air. You panic for a second as you are thrown over a shoulder, but when you come face to face with an ass clad in Gucci Monaco suit trousers, you exhale in relief. It’s Taehyung come to collect you. 

“Get back to work.” He growls at Hoseok, and a shiver runs across your body, settling hot in your lower stomach. His hand rests on your ass possessively as he strides back into his office, and you are chased by the laughs and wolf-whistles of the rest of the boys, Hoseok included. 

He bypasses his office, heading straight to your section — which has no glass wall — and you smirk as you watch the still-open laptop being abandoned on his desk. The second you reach your room he tosses you onto the bed and takes a step back, watching you with dark eyes. You whine when you realise he doesn’t intend to immediately join you on the bed, laying yourself out to try and entice him. He curses in a low tone as he watches you open your legs, practically begging for him.

“Tae~” you moan, breath quickening as you writhe against the sheets.

“What do you want, baby?” His voice is deep and rough and you desperately want to hear it whispering your name as he thrusts into you.

“I want you,” you whine, and a corner of his lips tug up into a mean smirk.

“Are you sure about that, baby?” He questions, anger starting to leak into his words. “Are you sure?” He repeats, “Because it looked like you were pretty fucking cozy over there with Hoseok just now. Are you sure it’s not him that you want?” 

“No, no, no,” you whimper, sheets bunching around your fists as you clench them, “I don’t want… anyone else… just you.” He tilts his head.

“Then why did you feel the need to talk to anyone else, if I’m all you want?” His tone was mocking, belittling, and it frustrated you even as it made the tension coil even tighter in your gut, begging for a release.

“I just- I just-” You break off into a wail and a second later the mattress dips as he gets onto the bed, prowling up until he’s above you, his body weight pinning you down.

“What? You just what?” He growls, and you writhe underneath him until he pins your arms above your head. You arch up against him, and he bites his lip, obviously wanting to touch you but refusing. And he will continue to refuse until you justify your behaviour. 

“I wanted your attention!” You burst out, before slumping into the mattress. “You were focusing more on your work than you were on me.” Your downcast eyes tear up slightly, and you sniff. “I knew that if I made you jealous, you would come and get me. So I told Hoseok to help me, it’s not his fault really.” Shame joins the arousal curling in your gut, and you feel your cheeks flare up. Tae is still for a second, perfectly poised above you, and then-

“Baby wanted to make me jealous?” His purr reignites the shortly extinguished fire in your gut, and the way his grip tightens on your wrists only stokes the flames. “You should have just asked if you wanted my attention.”

“I did ask~” you whine pathetically as he runs his nose along the line of your jaw, “But you were focused on your stupid graph!” 

He pulls back for a second — in which you mourn the temporary loss of his body heat — and smiles apologetically at you.

“I’m sorry, baby. I would never put anything above you, it’s just a really important deadline I have to make.” He pulls back even more, straightening up as some of the possessiveness leaks from his posture, “Honestly, I should probably still be working on it now-”

“But, don’t you have to show who owns me?” You blurt desperately, and he smirks before his body is back on you, sucking bruises on top of the ones he left this morning on your neck — which you had displayed with pride, to Taehyung’s immense satisfaction — and using one hand to map the line of your waist. 

“You know who owns you, baby.” His hand enclosed around your wrists yanks them higher, forcing you to arch your back even more into him, “But maybe you need a reminder, hmm?”

“Yes,” you pant, “yes, yes, please.” 

“How many spanks do you think you deserve?” He mutters into your collarbone, and your hips buck up fruitlessly — he draws away slightly with a smug, mocking smirk. 

“H-However many you want to give me.” You stutter breathlessly, and he lifts one eyebrow.

“Well, you were certainly a naughty girl.” He chews on his lip looking down at you, as if deep in thought. “I think five spanks will remind you who you belong to, right, baby girl?” He asks, and you nod frantically, already turning on your front and getting on your hands and knees for him. 

He growls in appreciation as he runs a possessive hand over your ass, thrust up in the air just for him, and you mewl, your face pressing into the pillow which will hopefully stifle your embarrassing moans. He flips your skirt up to reveal the baby-blue lace panties you slipped on that morning. His finger dips down briefly to run over the damp spot where your arousal has leaked through, and you feel him press his forehead against your thigh for a second and groan, inhaling deeply, before straightening up again. 

“The things you do to me, baby-” he mutters, before remembering himself. He yanks down your panties abruptly, and then tears them off you rather than tugging them off your legs.

“I’ll buy you another pair.” He promises, before — without warning — striking your left cheek, hard. 

You release a sharp cry into the pillow, and his large hand runs over the already-bruising cheek in satisfaction. 

“Gonna look so pretty, baby.” He coos, completely at odds with his violent actions, “Gonna look so pretty all marked up, so everyone knows you’re mine.” He continues with another strike on the right cheek this time, and the waves of pain ebb into pleasure so maddeningly, and you don’t have any thoughts in your head apart from Taehyung and fuck and more. 

You’re pretty sure you scream all of these words into the pillow, and he laughs from where he’s kneeling on the bed behind you, the perfect position for him to just slip into your tight heat and start pounding. But, at the same time, you’re desperate for more of this heady mixture of pleasure and pain. And, just like always, Taehyung gives you exactly what you need.

He spanks you again, hitting directly on top of a previous bruise and you bite your lip almost hard enough to break the skin, stifling your moan. Suddenly, your head is yanked back, Taehyung’s fist curled tightly in your hair as he smirks down at you.

“Don’t try to be quiet, baby, I know how much you love this.” He commands and you moan wantonly, despite the blush painted across your cheeks betraying your shame.

“Tae,” you whine, “Tae, please-”

“ ‘Please’ what?” He mocks you degradingly, and you wish it didn’t arouse you even more.

“Please, fuck me.”

“Not before you’ve completed your punishment.” He states, before giving your hair another sharp tug. “I know you want this, you asked for it. Now say ‘thank you’, baby.” The request- no, command is punctuated by another pull of your hair and your back arches, before you moan again, your voice breaking slightly.

“Thank you, Taehyung.” You sob, and he rewards you with another slap. 

“Well done, baby.” He praises, a loving expression coming over his face, “You’re doing so well, only one left to go.” You prepare yourself for it, calming your uneven breaths before nodding slightly. The last slap — and it’s the hardest one yet — lands directly above your entrance. 

You collapse into the mattress, moaning loudly, and Taehyung wastes no time yanking your hips back and slamming into you. You spasm around him, at the sudden stretch required around his girth and — to your horror — you realise you can’t control the heat rising up in your core and overtaking you. 

You climax on his cock before he even starts to fuck you properly and all you can do is sob into your pillow. Taehyung is merciless, pulling you up until your back is pressed against his chest and rubbing your sensitive bundle of nerves, sending tidal wave after tidal wave of pleasure washing over you. Your intense release finally abates and you go boneless in Taehyung’s arms, trusting him to hold you up. Behind you, Taehyung is incredulous, a shocked expression which you can’t see on his face.

“Did you just-” he starts and you groan, both from embarrassment and because he just hardened even more inside you, “Did you come just as I thrust in? Without me even touching you properly?” He knows the answer to that question, judging by the infinitely smug tone of his voice. And it turns out, he doesn’t need an answer, as he flips you over and pins you on your back to the mattress. 

He starts pounding into you, hard enough that the bed frame rattles against the wall, and all you can do is lie there and wail and take it. His fingers are still there, rubbing frantically against your clitoris, and you know he’s going to make you come again before finishing.

“So perfect,” He whispers into your neck, before capturing your lips in a bruising kiss. “So pretty, tightening around my cock like that. So perfect for me, my princess.” His words sink into the haze of pleasure you are drowning in, and you stop caring about your pride, or how loud you are, and his name is a steady stream pouring out of your kiss-bitten lips. 

He gives two more hard thrusts and then you’re unravelling, faintly registering the warmth spilling inside you as he finishes, and then twists over and wraps you in his arms, bringing you to rest against his chest. You pant against his skin, letting your tongue slip out to taste his sweat, and he groans. 

“Baby,” you look up at him, and he runs a hand through your hair, pushing it back from your face. “You’re mine.” He states and you hum in agreement. “I don’t want to see you trying to make me jealous again, unless you’re willing to suffer the consequences.”

“You call this suffering?” You laugh, and he joins you, the deep rumble in his chest soothing you into drowsiness. 

You drop your head to his chest and his hand continues carding through your hair, soothing the area he had tugged before.

“You are so precious to me, you know that?” His voice, hushed and low, is almost reverent, and you used to find it hard to believe anyone would ever love you like that, but you can’t help but hope that maybe, just maybe, you found your perfect soulmate. 

“You’re precious to me, too, Tae. I couldn’t live without you.” You whisper, and he drops a soft kiss to the top of your head.

“I know, baby. I know.” 

[jpegjade]

Mr. Loverman (Pt. 3)

Alright frens and ferns. we’re gonna go through this shorter chapter. Still like 3 google docs pages but my fics are normally like 4-6 pages. (if you can’t tell, i’m a one-shot writer AND HAVENT WRITTEN A STORY FIC SINCE I WAS LIKE 14. shoutout to the wattpad days.) so this one is shorter bc i need to work but i wanted to put this out. part 4 will be much longer. idk how long im gonna end up making this fic in the end. ((yall gotta keep me encouraged to focus on this thing bc my adhd will in fact leave you all hanging on a cliff hanger and we wont look back lmao)))

i apologize for the shortness. i also apologize for adding the person i hate with a BURNING passion. yall just dont know. anyway, i’m so sorry. and for those who haven’t gotten to 11/12, there are no spoilers. this is like independent of that storyline and kinda after but i’ll explain a little in the next chapter. but i wanted to keep this true to the cm universe. also i didn’t want to create a wholeass character with a tragic backstory to explain why they’re a psychopath when in reality they just suck. that takes too damn long

warnings: none that i can think of. ((i dont even think i swore once. im so fucking proud. oops)) and no, i didnt proof read. so roll with any mistakes.

mr. loverman 1: Bloop

mr. loverman 2: bloop bloop 

____________________ 

“Y/n, have you seen anything or anyone suspicious lately? Anyone you recognized from one place appearing in other spaces?” Prentiss said. 

Everyone was staring at you. You felt the pressure on you to say the right thing but you didn’t know. You didn’t know what to say so you tried honesty. 

“No, not that I’ve noticed. Sorry if that makes things harder.” You sighed. 

You felt like you were letting everyone down because you didn’t notice anyone. Everything in your life was mundane and nothing stood out. You were super aware of your surroundings but you still felt like it wasn’t enough. You spent more time than ever in your apartment, which was hell but necessary with everything going on.

“Here’s the problem.” Emily started. “We have received intel that you’re on a bounty hunter’s hit list. Not only that but they have been watching you for some time now.” 

You were speechless. Who would pay to have you killed? Who did you piss off enough to pay money to have you killed? And what did this bounty hunter look like? This made you incredibly nervous and despite being away for two years, your body just reacted. 

Spencer told himself not to freak out. This didn’t mean anything. You were holding his hand tightly. It was what you used to do every time you got scared. Spencer squeezed your hand a little bit to let you know he was there and then he felt you squeeze back. You didn’t let go of his hand through the rest of the conversation but Spencer was barely paying attention. Garcia eventually ushered the two of you out of the room and back to your temporary bedroom. 

The silence between you and Spencer was incredibly loud. You let go of his hand as soon as you got to the breakroom, apologizing. 

“I shouldn’t have done that.” You said. You figured that he would know what you were talking about. You sat in your corner of the mattress where you previously sat and Spencer sat in the space he occupied before the meeting. 

“No, you were scared. It’s okay.” He said. 

Silence that seemed to last forever happened. You were thinking about him and he was thinking about you. You were both so nervous about what came next but you didn’t know what to say. It took forever to come up with something but Spencer came up with something. 

“I wasn’t lying.” Spencer looked down at his shoes. 

“About?” You said, confused. You leaned your head against the wall. You were getting so tired. 

“Missing you. You have been all that I’ve thought about through these past two years.” He said, finally looking up at you. 

“Spence…” You said, yawning. You closed your eyes for a moment. 

“I haven’t connected to anyone else as naturally as I connected with you.” He said. 

“Well, I guess I can’t say anything different since I haven’t been able to move on.” You said, sleepily. It had been a long day and you were beyond exhausted. When you’re that tired, anything you say is bound to be unfiltered. 

“You were the only one who cared for me, all of me, and didn’t mind everything that came with me. No one gets that. No one cares about me like you do, even now. I couldn’t bear to take the ring off because it would mean losing a piece of you. And I couldn’t do that. I may have broken off the relationship but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. To this day, I…” You barely said before you fell asleep. 

Spencer thought about waking you but you looked so peaceful. He hated when he was left on a cliffhanger, especially like this, but you needed rest. So Spencer gently helped you lay down and covered you with your blanket. He was about to walk outside the door to guard and take a breather but you grabbed his arm and mumbled a very small, “Stay.” 

And that’s what he did. He stayed, holding you while you slept peacefully. He was so comfortable that he eventually nodded off. That was the first time in two years that he didn’t have a nightmare that scared him awake. 

When he woke up, you were nowhere to be found. Frantically searching, he ran all over the floor before noticing it was sunrise. You loved watching the sun rise in the mornings with a cup of coffee and a nice playlist going. 

“Hey, Spence.” You said, looking out the window. You looked rested, not tired like yesterday. 

“Y/n, you scared me. I thought something happened.” He said, looking at you. How did you make a sundress look so pretty? 

“Sorry. I thought about waking you but you were smiling in your sleep, the small, happy smile you do, and I wanted you to sleep. Besides, I had Cat to keep me company.” 

Spencer’s blood ran cold. That wasn’t possible. He was jumping to conclusions and you were sure it was just an intern or someone who…

“Hey Spencie. I’m having a grand time with y/n here. She’s a ball of sunshine.” Cat said, a fake smile fading into a straight face. 

Spencer immediately grabbed for his gun but didn’t find it anywhere on his hip. 

“Looking for this?” Cat took the gun out of her bag and pointed it directly at Spencer. 

Your head could barely comprehend what was happening. You were instructed to put your hands up and walk into the conference room, sitting across from each other. 

“And no touching. That’s no fun.” Cat pointed the gun at Spencer. You noticed that she was fixated on Spencer. You guessed that they somehow knew each other.

You were already in tears. What was happening? Could you make it out of this one alive? 

_____________________

Tag list: 

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@fanfictionreader05 

@addie5264

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

What’s Kirsty’s relationship with Jess like? (I know you touched on it a bit in the Yale ask but I wanna know more!)

Short answer: “true friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people together” meets “slow burn found family”

Long Answer: oh boy buckle up we’re getting an Outline™ bc I really don’t know how to sum it up bc it’s a lot of growth and shit!  it’s like... many many paragraphs so I’m tossing this under a cut bc i don’t want to be murdered lmao

(I’m just... v proud of how much work went into planning out their whole arc and how the dynamic shifts and how certain plots play into things and I just wanted to share it all I couldn’t chill and I’m like half sorry but thank you for this ask I love them)

So when they first meet they don’t really get along because they’re just generally both kind of abrasive and shit, like it’s not personal on either end but they both generally push people away so that they don’t open themselves up to get hurt which makes their first couple of meetings kind of rough

but then there’s the dinner at Lorelai’s and Kirsty went outside because the whole vibe was just setting her on edge, and she hears the Lorelai rant bullshit (hi lorelai he’s seventeen and your an adult grow the fuck up) and as he leaves she goes after him — she tries to apologize for “my mom being... well, the way she is” and Jess immediately snaps back that he doesn’t want her pity, and Kirsty just shrugs and goes “nah dude I get it, parents suck.  My dad is a piece of shit and my mom, well, you’ve met her... not to mention she named Rory after herself and me after my piece of shit dad so I’m sure you can guess who her favourite child is” and just keeps it very chill and Jess takes that a lot better than pity and they end up talking for a bit and are like “yeah okay I can get along with you” and like they aren’t close but they both like pissing Taylor off and giving Luke ulcers so it works well enough

Kirsty absolutely flips her shit when Taylor calls the town meeting about Jess like she tears into him more aggressively than anyone has seen before and basically tells them all to shut the fuck up and “let him at least settle in before you pull out the fucking pitchforks” and goes off on them all for trying to bully a seventeen year old kid out of a town he didn’t even choose to move to and like Luke still gets there and flips his shit too but Kirsty is completely feral calling out the hypocrisy and telling them to get off their high horses and pull their heads out of their asses — like they might not be close but Kirsty is so far beyond pissed at the idea of Taylor calling a meeting literally just to get everyone to hate Jess that she can’t just stand there quietly 

Fast forward a bit and they’re getting along a bit better, Kirsty spends so much time at the diner that she and Jess have taken to talking during Jess’ shifts and Kirsty helps out when she can so they’re starting to actually get along, Kirsty has figured out the tells for when Jess just can’t deal with people anymore and will make up all sorts of excuses to get him a break (anything from ‘hey can you read over this essay’ to ‘hey did you remember to grab that book from upstairs’ to basically anything else that comes to mind) which he appreciates and when he’s on his breaks he sits at the counter to do homework with her

By the Bracebridge dinner they’re like actually friends, and when Jess meets Tristan for the first time he’s fully prepared to hate him but when he sees how shitty Lorelai is being about Tristan he’s just like “okay guess we’re in the same boat” so the three of them end up working together to stay as far away from Lorelai as possible for most of the night and Kirsty is just very grateful for the buffer because like she just can’t deal with Lorelai and Jess remembers her comment on the “you can guess who the favourite is” and starts to see how much Lorelai’s disapproval actually bothers Kirsty

fast forward even more to Christopher coming to town and with Sherry and all that and oof Kirsty is not okay like her relationship with Christopher is terrible and Jess kind of knows this already (based on the fact that Kirsty asked Luke to stand in for her dad at the debutante ball because she wanted nothing to do with Christopher; and he’s heard her bitch about him before) but when Christopher and Sherry come to the house, Kirsty excuses herself for “dance rehearsal” and runs over to the diner and Luke is out at the moment and Kirsty is Not Okay™ and Jess is the one who sees her just standing in the doorway shaking and clearly about to start crying and he just quietly leads her up to the apartment and sits down and lets her sort of collapse on the couch and she tells him about Christopher and about how unreliable and flakey he always was and how Luke has always been more her dad than him and he always shows up and tries to play happy family and then bails as soon as he gets bored or something comes up and about how now he’s apparently changing and becoming mr family man and why wasn’t she worth changing for

and jess has no idea how to handle this whole breakdown because he's a little bit emotionally stunted (which is fair and so is she) but it definitely resonates with him and he ends up sitting next to her and telling her that if Christopher wasn’t willing to change for she and Rory then it’s because of him not her and trying to comfort her even though he really doesn’t know how, and ends up opening up to her about Liz and his life before Stars Hollow too.  It’s more than either of them have shared with anyone before and it’s very strange tbh — at this point they’re definitely veering into the friend category but neither of them would admit it, not to mention they don’t talk that often because neither of them wants to deal with a Lorelai Gilmore Hissy Fit, you know?

(also a sidenote, Tristan is completely chill about literally all of this like he and Kirsty are the healthiest relationship and have very good communication skills now and he's just like “hey I don’t live nearby and Kirsty hates cars, I’m just glad she has someone to talk to”)

and okay so now we’re at the episode where Lorelai accuses Jess of stealing the bracelet and this is just as Kirsty is getting home, and Lorelai is more of a bitch than in canon (but seriously Lorelai grow up and let Dean deal with his own relationship issues ugh) — as Jess is leaving, Kirsty turns around and calls Lorelai out on being an absolute bitch and on the fact that she’s an adult and Jess is seventeen and to grow the fuck up because she’s acting like her mother and believe it or not she doesn’t actually know everything.  Kirsty then sort of storms off, and Jess ends up walking with her and just goes “hey, thanks for that” and Kirsty goes “don’t mention it” and they just sort of laugh and part ways so she can go to Miss Patty’s but anyways I’m soft for Kirsty fighting the entire town for him

then we have the hilarious scene of Kirsty looking Dean in the eye, knowing full well that he literally just saw her getting out of Tristan’s car, and going “yes I’m completely in love with jess is that a problem” and jess going “oh Kirsty I’m really flattered but while you were gone I started talking to Paris and I think I’m in love” and they’re just such little shits I love them

and okay now I promise we’re getting close to the speedrun part of this relationship lmaooo

so Kirsty is the one who ends up tutoring Jess and like he’s not on the verge of flunking because Kirsty has already been forcing him to do his homework semi regularly but he has trouble staying on task (he’s a mood) so Kirsty is basically there to make sure that he gets all of his final projects done — they take a break to go get ice cream and the car accident happens and Kirsty gets injured and she’s having a panic attack and she begs Jess to stay with her so he does, she lies to the hospital staff and tells them that he’s her step-brother so that he can stay with her because she’s afraid of hospitals and doesn’t want to be alone.  He stays with her until they hear Lorelai and then sneaks out the window; at this point Kirsty has finally called him her friend — while high on painkillers and introducing him to Richard and Emily, who she had him call because she knew Lorelai wouldn’t (they like him much better in this !verse than canon because Kirsty knows how to play them lmao)

Lorelai still pitches a fit to Luke and Jess still leaves and jesus christ when Kirsty finds out about all of that she flips her shit even more than she did at the town meeting, calls Lorelai petty and selfish and a shit mother and tells her that she’s more like Emily than she wants to admit, and this is very possibly when Kirsty finally drops one of my favourite lines of hers — “you and Rory might be best friends first and mother daughter second but I never needed a best friend, I needed a mom.  And now I don’t want either.” — and crashes at either Luke’s or Miss Patty’s (and is not thrilled when she finds out that Lorelai called Christopher and that he’s now back and awnting to play dad again)

fast forward and Kirsty knows Jess is in New York but they haven’t talked and Sookie’s wedding happens and Kirsty and Lorelai have their huge fight (this is the other point where that favourite line might happen, I’m torn) and Kirsty packs up and moves to New York for the summer to play Victoria in Cats on Broadway

She gets to New York and she’s staying at a hotel provided by the production company and she’s lonely and miserable and she’s never really been alone before and low and behold she stumbles into some diner on the verge of tears (just a bad day and everything is too much and she’s about to break) when all of a sudden she hears “wow, deja vu.  Coffee?” and she turns around and low and behold it’s Jess Mariano.  She accepts and sits at the diner until his shift is done and then they leave together and catch up and he offers to be her tour guide, and over the next week they become really close (all of both of their coworkers think that they’re siblings at this point) and blah blah lots of details I won’t get into bc seriously how many paragraphs is this thing, but Emily and Richard end up renting Kirsty this huge penthouse apartment and she manages to convince them to let Jess live with her and they become super close and kind of codependent and skip right over the friend stage to the “this is my brother, Jess” stage lmao and basically everyone in stars hollow except for lorelai and rory (bc kirsty and lorelai aren’t talking for most of the summer and rory is in dc so she and kirsty aren’t talking much either) know because they all came out for her opening weekend and everyone thinks it’s hilarious and their new york friends think Luke is their dad bc he called them “my kids” without thinking about it

also Tristan visits as much as he can get away with and seriously he and Jess become really good friends too and they’re just like, an iconic trio okay I love them

fast forward they go back to stars hollow together the day of the summer festival thing and that’s when Lorelai and Rory find out about their friendship and Lorelai is Not Happy and then Tristan shows up and the three of them are being adorable and having a great time and Lorelai flips out and there’s yet another fight (seriously Lorelai pls stop assuming you always know best, you don’t) and the fight is angsty but there’s the softness of jess finally really accepting that Kirsty meant it when she said that things weren’t going to change when they got back to stars hollow and they don’t and it’s just great

and in season 3 they’re just still all soft and codependent and Lorelai is forced to accept that Jess knows Kirsty better than she does and Rory has some really fun “what the actual fuck” moments watching Lorelai & Luke and Kirsty & Jess have the exact same arguments because Kirsty did inherit Lorelai’s ability to annoy people into doing things like participating in town events and season 3 is just very very soft and there are so many scenes/episodes that I’m so excited for

and anyways this was so long and I’m sorry but also I’m not because like i just really love this dynamic and I want to just like skip two seasons and just write new york & season three because i love them so muchhhhhhhh and anyways yeah 

TLDR they’re a slowburn rivals to found family with a speedrun towards the end and i fucking love them so much

[wreckofawriter]

I Don't Love

Pairing: Sirius Black x reader

Word count: 7,392 (Woah)

Warnings: Alochal, smoking, talk of sex.

Request: Hiii! Could I request a Sirius x reader imagine where the reader is like the girl version of Sirius. She wears her own leather jacket, and she’s basically a heartbreaker. Like Sirius, she doesn’t really believe in love, she believes in lust and attraction. Until She meets Sirius and starts falling for him and she’s super confused bc she’s never felt love before and Sirius starts falling for her and he’s confused cus of the same reason and it’s just super cute and fluffy 🥺

A/n: A few things: Number one. I am so incredibly sorry that this took me like 2 weeks to write. I had some pretty shitty crap go down and it just sorta fucked with me and I couldnt write. Number two. This is a little less fluffy than I wanted it to be but it still has a fluff ending. And Number three. To all the people who have sent me requests. I am going to start writing regularly again now so, I will probally have one out at the end of the week and another out around sunday or monday. Thank you so much for you patience.

    You had officially decided that there were two types of boys in this world. One would scream and yell at you when they realized you were only in it for one night, while the other would beg for a chance that you were never willing to give. 

               Conor had opted for the latter.

“Y/n, please” He begged, his eyes were wide and pleading, he was desperate. Desperate for you to stay, he just wanted a chance. 

    You sighed taking a large swig of your coffee, it was too early for this shit. “Conor how many times am I going to have to tell you, it was a one time thing.” your voice was monotone, as if you were bored, which was quite honestly the case. Have the same conversation over and over again tended to do that to a person. 

    “Please y/n, I swear you wont regret it. Just one date.” The Huffelpuff begged, he gasped your hand in attempts to gain your attention. He did not succeed. 

    You let out a stiffened groan, the conversation had become increasingly frustrating, the fact that most of the school was listening in on the exchange of words definitely didn't help. “Conor,” you spoke slowly, praying that he could get the information you were about to give him though his thick skull. “Friday night was fun.” you watched his features brighten, his sky blue eyes filling with momentary hope. “But that's all it was, Friday night and fun, so please leave me alone, you're giving me a headache.” 

    You heard the gasps and felt the glares, Conor was popular, he was also nice, and from what you heard extremely sweet. So as he slunk away from you head hung, tail between his legs, you could feel a good dozen people glaring daggers into your back.

    “Note to self: dont fuck popular people.” You mumbled quietly knowing you would never follow through with the rule. 

 You looked back down at your eggs rolling your eyes when you heard an all too familiar voice shriek in rage. 

    You along with everyone else in the hall turned to a furious Marlen Mckinnion who was practically dragging a smirking Sirius Black from his seat. 

    “You son of a bitch!” She shrieked, tears of fury and sadness leaking from her cheeks. 

    “Well my mother is a bitch.” He shrugged a cheeky grin pulling his lips apart. 

    She shrieked again, making you grimace. 

You tunned out of her pathetic argument and opted your attention to the book resting at the bottom of your bag. You were about a chapter in before you got sidetracked by Marleens redicoulsly high pitched blubbers. 

“How could you!” she sobbed behind you. God she was so loud. “You knew how I felt and you still fucked another girl!” 

You weren't sure why but this sentence made you snort. You attempted to muffle the giggles slowly evolving to laughter, but they poured passed your lips like an overflowing sink. Those close to you gave you angered looks, but you didn't care, you received enough of those already. It didn't take long for Marleen, to halt her reckless cries and turned to you with a fiery rage. 

She left Black standing where he was, her attention now focused purely on you. 

“What do you think is so funny y/l/n?” She hissed tears still sliding down her flushed cheeks, her mascara  trying her face into an angry blackened mess. 

You snorted once again “I'm sorry.” You wheezed out unable to contain your laughter, “I don't mean to offend you or anything,” You lied not even bothering to trap your giggles anymore. “It's just…” You burst into another fit.

The hall had gone quite, they wanted to see what was going to happen almost as much as you did. “You're telling me you actually believe that he cares what you felt?” 

He face flashed with surprise, you heard a few fellow Slytherins and even a couple Ravenclaws let out short bursts of laughter.

“How dare you!” She screamed, her voice shaky, hands bawled at her side.

“Look, it's nothing personal.” You shrugged calmly, "It's just ridiculous for you to overreact every time he sleeps with someone else. What did you expect?" You could feel hundreds of pairs of eyes on you, they were thirsting for chaos, something about the way Marleens face twisted at you words made it seem like there was a strong chance of their thirst being quenched. 

"Maybe I expected him to actually give a shit about somebody for once in his miserable life!" She yelled turning around to see the dark haired boy biting his lips to keep in a laugh. "For him to actually love me the way I loved him." 

You scoffed rolling your eyes, "You don't actually believe you were in love do you?" 

"Of course I do." She hissed back tears still leaking from her blackened eyes, she had now taken a few steps toward you 

"Love is bullshit. And if you belive you were actually in love with Black after sucking his dick once, than you just as stupid as you look." You smiled sickly sweet at the girl as she began towards you, her wand suddenly clenched in her right fist. 

"You worthless WHORE!" Her voice rang clear through the hall.

You didn't move, you didn't even flinch because the second she raised her wand it was flying from her hand landing in Avery's, who then muttered a spell that froze her feet into the ground. 

You sent him a cheeky smile and a wink before gathering your things and standing from your bench. You stood in front of the girl, just out of her reach. She was shrieking and crying and over all just a mess. 

"Salazar, your pathetic." You murmured in disgust. 

She yelled something at you couldn't understand, not that you cared to, you were pretty sure it involved the words slut and whore multiple times. 

"Well I best be off" you smiled, "As said in Shakespeare's Coriolanus, Act 2 Scene one, 'More of your conversation would infect my brain.'" And with that you turned on your heel and left the room, green robes billowing neatly behind you. 

A few days past, and as much as you tried to hide it, your world collapsed. Of course this had nothing to do with Marleen or any of her prideful, idiotic friends, this didn't have anything to do with school at all.

It had to deal with your home. You had officially decided that being pure blood sucked. Your whole life had been planned out for you and you didn't want to do even one thing on the pre planned timeline of your life. 

The first thing directly after graduation was marriage. 

You had been attempting to put this one off the longest, you were definitely not the type to settle down and start a family. In fact the idea made you gag. You didn't even like the commitment of a date, let alone of a marriage certificate. 

So when you mother sent you a letter containing a list of names. Your heart sunk to the floor. 

The top of the letter read, "My dearest daughter, as you know you are set to be married soon after graduation. Many young men have asked for your hand, me and your father picked the best of the best for you to choose from. I hope all is going well." And then a list of 11 names, some you had never heard of and some, you sat next to during your meals or studied with after class. 

The thought of marrying any of them made you feel empty inside. You didn't love any of them and you weren't sure you would ever be able to love any of them. 

But you said it yourself, love is bullshit.

This fact didn't stop you from being pushed into a dark hole by your mother's words. She wanted an answer by Christmas break, and hell, you hadn't been able to make a stable decision since you received the letter. 

It started with a party after Slytherin beat Hufflepuff in quidditch. That also happened to be the day you were sent a reminder of your impending doom. So alcohol solved all of your problems for a couple hours and you woke up in the bed of a Ravenclaw you didn't recognize. 

The next day you had an exam you failed which resulted in a mental breakdown that left you dehydrated with a migraine. 

You had downed seven Advils and passed out on your bed by eight. 

The next day your headache had progressed, you had taken an absurd amount of medication to ease the pain that day, you ended up in the locker rooms with a Gryffindor beater.

And now here you were already a quarter bottle deep of firewhisky staring at the list of names scrawled neatly on the tear stained parchment gripped tightly in your hand. 

You glared down at the grounds so far below you, wondering what it would be like if you just jumped. You wondered who, if anyone, would actually care. You wondered if Marleen and her bitchy friends would laugh, you wondered if, some would say you deserved it. They probably would. 

This brought a bubbly giggle to your lips, before the bottle you were holding drowned them. 

You glanced back down at the list. So far you had crossed out two names you would never marry even with a wand held to your neck. 

One was Lestrange, the other Malfoy. The thought of their hands touching you, lips on yours, made you gag. 

You glanced back down at the list circling your current top choice, you would have to do some research on the names you didn't recognize, they must go to a different school. 

You brought the cool glass of the bottle back to your lips, sighing slightly at the burning taste it brought with it. 

You let a few more tears slide down your  cheeks, one dripping lazily off your chin, you watched it disappear into the dark grounds below. For just a second it shimmered in the moonlight appearing to be a drop of pure silver, before it disappeared into the night.

You let out a heart broken sob before letting the stars see the bottom of your bottle. 

Just then you heard a short cough. 

You turned to see Sirius Black, he was adorned in a pair of black ripped jeans a queen t-shirt matched with his signature black leather jacket.

You glanced down at your own appearance, black skinny jeans, tares in each knee, white t-shirt that read "Fuck Off" in black letters and of course your signature black leather jacket. 

He so seemed to be eyeing your appearance. Yiu suspicions were confirmed when he spoke, "I see you've copied my style y/l/n." 

"You wish," you laughed, "I'm pretty sure your the one copying my style." 

He rolled his eyes before walking to your side and staring down at the shimmering of midnight dew on frosted grass. 

"What is Sirius Black doing alone up in the astronomy tower at night?" You asked curiously, offering him your bottle which he took, downing a quick swig, grimacing slightly. 

"I could ask you the same." He huffed glancing at you, taking in the wetness of your cheeks and red tinge in your eyes. 

"Well I asked first." You pointed out before glancing at him as he brought the bottle back to his lips. 

Sirius shrugged passing the liquor back to you. "I guess I just needed some alone time." 

"Guess I ruined that, didn't I." You smirked lazily. 

"Nah," Sirius sighed waving your comment away with his hand, "I didn't have a fire whiskey anyway." His smile was dopey, his hair drooping in front of his stormy grey eyes. 

You let out a giggle, taking another swig from the bottle. 

"So why are you up here." He asked teasingly. 

You grimaced taking another sip. 

Sirius waited for a response for a minute but as he watched you avoid his gaze he realised you weren't going to answer. He sighed sadly, "Come on, you gotta be drowning something with that shit." He motioned to the bottle your lips were closed around. 

You chuckled lazily, "Myself I guess." 

He let out a snort, something you've never seen him do, you simply assumed it was the alcohol getting to him.

Sirius glanced at your paper and before you could whip the list away he gasped.

"Why is my brother on your list!?" He asked in alarm. 

You said nothing feeling tears reach your eyes, the last thing you wanted was someone you barely knew knowing what was slowly tearing you apart. 

"And why is his name circled!?" 

You cringed tears pricking your eyes, Sirius glanced at you, flushing a bit at your glassy eyes, you weren't one to show emotions, seeing you smile alone was a rare opportunity, that was if you only counted sincere grins, not deadly smirks. But crying, he couldn't recall seeing you crying or hearing of you crying from anyone, he figured that you had about the emotional range of a teaspoon. 

But here you were tears sliding solemnly down your cheeks, moonlight causing the drops to shimmer like rare gems. 

"Is this some sick kill list or something?" 

No response, just tears, leaking silently from your deep y/e/c eyes. 

"Because if you mess with him I swear-" 

A choked laugh escaped you crimson lips, your tongue swiping some lipstick from them. "I'm not going to hurt you brother." You then handed him the note and turned, your back facing the window you were gazing from and sliding to the floor. 

Above you Sirius eyes widened as he read the note left by your mother before processing the list below. 

He glanced down at you, your mascara was leaking slightly from the corner of your eyes, your hair was a bit tangled, your hand wrapped around the neck of your bottle as you brought it to your lips, leaving a bit of deep red lipstick on its rim. He recognized the look on your face. It was completely vacant, despite the tears, no emotion lived in your features. 

Your eyes blank and staring, mouth a straight line, not turning up or down. Your whole face was simply empty. Sirius remembered seeing that face in his mirror after he received a letter from home. And he knew that you felt how you looked. Empty.

He sighed, sliding to the floor beside you. Your long black nails came to your face furiously wiping at the tears on your cheek, refusing to meet his eye. 

"I know this doesn't matter to you but 11 guys wanting to marry you is pretty good." Sirius shrugged attempting to lighten your mood

You emitted what was either a sob or a laugh, he couldn't tell, "There were more, my mom cut out the ones that she didn't think were 'acceptable'" you made air quotes with your hands. 

"Damn." The Gryffindor huffed, "What does the circle around Regs name mean?" He asked he didn't want to push you but he had to know. Because for some reason, he didn't want it to mean what he thought it did. 

You fidgeted with the end of your jacket, leaning your head back against the rock wall behind you. "He's my top choice." You mumbled, blushing a bit, another thing that Sirius had never seen you do, even when your sex life became everyone's life. 

Sirius cringed, feeling dread soak into his bones and fill him to the brim, the idea of the y/h/c in front of him marrying his younger brother made him sick. "W-why?" He stumbled lightly over his words as they seemed to get caught in his throat. 

You finally met his eyes, they seemed to swirl with different shades of grey like a hurricane with a black eye. 

"I don't know." You voice was rough, sounded like it was a tap away from breaking, "Hes nice, polite, attractive. He's not a complete perv." 

Sirius now wore a sly smirk, the corners of his lips curving up neatly, "You think Regulus is attractive?" 

You rolled your eyes, "Yes, of course I do, jawline like that don't grow on trees." 

Sirius let out a barking laugh, you could feel his shoulder shake beside you. 

You exhaled loudly rolling your eyes again before handing the bottle to Sirius. He glanced at the almost empty bottle than back at you eyebrows raised in a silent question. 

You shrugged, "High tolerance." 

"You know that isn't good right?" 

"No Black," you drawled sarcastically, "I'm as stupid as you are."

He smacked his hand to his chest and mimicked a shocked expression you felt your eyes roll instinctively in their sockets. 

He dropped the act and chuckled finishing off the bottle with a final swig. "So if you think my brothers hot, where does that leave me?" 

"God Black, don't you think your head is big enough already?" You inquired, raising an eyebrow. 

"Humor me." He smiled pulling out a pack of smokes. 

You took a cigarette, holding it out for him to light, "Fine, yes you are extremely attractive." 

He flashed a set of pearly straight teeth, the warm orange light from his lighter reflecting from them as he lit the smoke you held out to him. 

"How bout me?" You asked after taking a huff and watching as the smoke from your exhale trailed away. 

Sirisu hummed in confusion.

"You know, humor me, how attractive am I?" You asked nonchalantly.

Sirius suddenly felt color rise to his cheeks, he hoped you would blame it on the alcohol. The truth was no girls really asked him what he thought. Well that's a lie, they ask if he thought they were pretty all the time. Asked if he thought they were good enough. But never like this. They all cared, they would burst into tears if he answered wrong. They would hate him for an answer and love him for another. 

But not you. You didn't care in the slightest. He could have said he would have rather fucked a lizard than you and you would have shrugged and continued with the conversation. And something about that made Sirius flush. 

"Well? Don't tell me I'm that bad." You giggled, although your tolerance was high, the alcohol was definitely getting to you. 

Sirius quickly gained back his charms, "My dear y/n, trust me you are gorgeous." 

"Thank you." You smiled suggestively adding a wink that made Sirius stomach fill with wings. 

There was a long pause, the sound of crickets and small frogs chirping faint in your ears. Smoke drifted from the room as a crisp chill filled the air. 

Finally Sirius spoke, "So your really gonna marry my brother?" 

You cringed at the word marry scratching at your wrist nervously, "I guess so. What other choice do I have?" 

"You could leave." Sirius muttered putting out his cigarette on the wall behind him. 

"No I can't." You all but whispered.

"Yes you can y/n, no offense but your parents are assholes, you don't need them."

"No Sirius!" You yelled voice loud and echoing off the open room, "I can't." Your voice had dropped once again, your words almost inaudible."I can't." You repeated face once again empty of emotion. He watched in horror as you put your smoke out on your own skin. He could hear it sizzle in protest for just a moment before the small orange glow disappeared. 

"Why?" He asked annoyed, "What are you scared?" 

"Yes!" You shouted. Sirius' eyes widened in surprise and for a brief moment fear as you turned toward him in anger. "You wanna know why I can't leave? Because last time I tried to leave I almost died!"

Sirius eyes filled with guilt. His annoyed look turning to one of pity. 

"You think I haven't tried to leave? I have! The second my mom mentioned marriage I packed my bags! But when my mother and father caught me trying to sneak out they used two of three of the unforgivable curses on me to get me to stay!"

Sirius winced, feeling the pain from far away memories returning to him. 

"So I can't leave. They'll kill me. I know they will." 

Sirius said nothing. He simply sat staring straight ahead. You expected him to say some inspirational bullshit or just tell you to go for it, but he didn't. He just handed you another cigarette and lit it for you. 

Your face had been sucked of all signs emotion except for one tear rolling slowly down you right cheek. It had cooled from the midnight air and now felt like a drop of ice slowly melting down your warm cheeks. 

You could feel the alcohol slowly affecting you as if it was finally catching up with you. You could feel the rational parts of yourself drift away and just then it was occurring to you that you had been irrational since the long haired boy walked in. You turned towards him, head fuzzy, stomach buzzing, and he turned to you. 

Your eyes locked grey staring into y/e/c as y/e/c stared into grey. You blinked twice, attempting to make a decision. All you could think about was how empty you felt. How much you wanted to feel something. Sirius could do that. He could make you feel something. Something. 

Your lips connected with his sloppily, your nose bumping his, as you dropped your smoke, hands connecting with his hair as he fought for dominance in your mouth. You didn't taste anything but fire whiskey and cigarettes, nothing different than what you tasted of. His tongue explored your mouth as Sirius pulled you onto his lap. You felt his hands roam your body enjoying they pressure they held on your hips as his lips passed down your neck. Seconds before your memory fade to black, you remembered thinking how much different Sirius' hands felt on your skin than anyone else. 

You woke to a familiar sight. Well by familiar you mean unfamiliar, but unfamiliar had become familiar to you. You could feel a warm arm wrapped around your bare waist, your head pounding behind your eyes as a bare chest pressed to your back. 

You could also hear whispers. They were hushed and quick, you could only make out a few words.

"How did he-" a pause of mumbles 

"That's so-" more incoherent words, "I mean what about the…" the murmurs sunk to low for your ears to pick up. 

You opened your eyes slowly opened, you turned to see three boys who you recognized immediately staring at you. They all flushed realizing you were awake but before they could speak you brought your finger to your mouth. 

"Be quiet." You hissed dangerously, wincing at the sudden stab behind your head. 

They all nodded slowly, wide eyes trading for confused ones. You slowly slipped from the bed, doing everything in your power to not wake the boy sleeping next to you. 

You let out a sigh of relief hearing Sirius snore quietly, something you found yourself thinking was adorable. You turned to see the three boys staring at you in awe, shot them a smirk as you gathered your clothes sliding on your panties and bra. You could feel their eyes follow you around the room, honestly you didn't mind in the slightest. 

You turned after grabbing your jeans they were all bright red, James smirking as the other two refused to meet your eye. You felt your lips twitch into a wolfish grin. 

"Enjoy it while you can boys, this will be the last time you see it." 

James let out a hearty laugh as Peter looked away Remus blushing amazingly red. 

"Except you." You pointed at the werewolf "You might see this again." You winked as he sputtered for words.

You slid on your t-shirt snatching your jacket from the ground. "Hopefully I'll see some of you again very soon." you winked, eyes locked with Remus as he grew impossibly warmer. 

You then walked promptly from the dorm room, earning a few glances, but you didn't care, you walked swiftly to your own common room, muttering the password and entering. A few first years looked up before whispering to each other. You rolled your eyes heading to your dorm. You were greeted by a pissed off pair of deep brown eyes adorned in yellow robes.

"You said you would study with me this morning!" Harper scrolled you. 

"I can still study!" You fought back, calling on to your bed.

"Please." Your friend scoffed, "Your hung over and what ever boy you got back from fucking is going to wake up and look for you." 

You laughed, "Please." 

"They always look for you because your too pussy to tell them you only wanted to get laid."

"Trust me this guy is not going to look for me." You assured her as you stood rummaging through your things for something to dull the pain in your head. 

"They always look." Harper said with a roll of her eyes.

"This guy won't." You promised tossing back some advils you found.

"Is he dead?" She asked sarcastically. 

"No." 

"Then he'll look for you." She stated matter of factly. 

"Look its Sirius Black he's not going to look for anyone." You sighed, and for some reason this realization brought you nothing but pain. The idea of him not caring hurt. But you weren't sure why. It's not like you cared. 

"You slept with Black?" Harper gasped.

"Yes" you rolled your eyes, "Half the school has done it, it's not that big of an accomplishment." 

Harper let out a magnificent laugh, "That's true. Now come on, if you can study, let's study." 

It was in your firm belief that Sirius would not look for you, talk to you or even mention you, but boy did you wish he would. As you walked down to the library you found your self craning your neck to catch a glimpse of his glossy black hair or his dashing grin. But you saw no such thing, he didn't care. You reminded yourself, and neither do you.

You had run into the younger Black brother though. He had greeted you and Harper politely despite the Hufflepuffs half-blood status. He had even carried the books you had been struggling with for you. He walked you to the library sharing a small conversation before heading to breakfast.

"Are you gonna choose him?" Harper asked, "He gives off like a mysterious, proper sorta vibe."

You darkened slightly at the memory of choosing your betrothed, making Harper regret her decision on topics of decisions, mumbling an apology. 

You waved her off, "I don't know." Your awnser was honest, you had no fucking clue. 

"Well, I think Black is a pretty good choice, he's nice, he's polite, not to mention really hot." She shrugged attempting to lighten the mood. 

"Yeah he is." You hummed thinking of a different Black. 

Harper didn't miss the distance your eyes held. Something was up with you. Not just the shit with your family but something else. 

But before she could ask a booming voice called out your name. 

Both girls turned to meet eyes with four boys. Two hanging back slightly as the other two headed straight towards your table. 

"They always look." Harper mumbled beside you, but you couldn't hear her over the rushing in your ears. Your heart began to speed as the pair of grey eyes you had looked for this morning shined brightly at you. 

"Yes, Black?" You asked casually as if you didn't feel like suddenly throwing up. 

"Left quite early this morning." He sneered playfully plopping into the chair next to you. 

"Well your snoring woke me." You lied turning back to your work attempting to ignore the pressure his stare held on you. 

"Also gave the boys quite a show." He shrugged, "Didn't know you were into Remus." 

You ignored Harpers confused glance and Remus' flushing face behind you. 

"Please." You scoffed, "We all know I'm flirty by nature." 

Sirius felt his heart squeezed, he really didn't mean anything to you. Who cares you didn't mean anything to him. "I guess we do." He huffed feeling suddenly overwhelmly sad. He glanced up at you, your y/h/c hair framing your soft face, y/e/c eyes glinting your pretty pink lips pulled to a lopsided grin. God how he wanted to feel them against his skin again. 

"Is there a reason for your visit?" You asked impatiently, not liking the queasy feeling that his presence gave you. 

"Oh, umm y-yes." Siriua stumbled on his words. "I have your jacket." He shoved the leather jacket he was holding at you. "I think you have mine." 

You flushed, "Oh, sorry, it's in my room. I can go get it I'd you-" 

"Its fine." Sirius assured you, placing his hand on your shoulder. The touch felt electric, like a spark that will set off a bomb. Sirius eyes roamed you landing on the dark marks he left on the open skin on your neck. You bathed in crimson when you noticed where his eyes lingered. 

"Sirius!" James voice brought him back to reality. The boy removed his hand from your shoulder and snapped his eyes back to your own. 

"I'm, I'm sorry." He stuttered scratching the back of his neck. 

"It's fine." You smiled weakly. 

"So um I'll, I'll just go." He tumbled banging his knee as he stood, he swore as James let out a barking laugh. 

"Wait what about your jacket?" Harper called after him.

"Just bring it to me whenever." He spoke hurriedly, he needed to get out of there. 

You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding when he exited the room. 

Harper looked at your eyebrows raised.

"What?" You asked attempting to turn your attention back to your essay. 

"You're blushing." She pointed out, "You never blush." 

"I am not blushing." You huffed angrily even though you could feel your face glow. 

"Yeah sure." Harper drawled eyeing you skeptically.

"I'm not!" You exclaimed.

"Totally." She said narrowing her eyes. 

"Stop saying it like that!" You shouted.

"Like what." 

You let out a frustrated whimper grabbing your things and heading for the doors. "I was not blushing!" You added quickly before retreating to your common room, cheeks still burning. 

The next week was weird, it was like someone had flipped a switch to make you like everyone else. 

Suddenly you became awkward and clumsy, you blushed and stuttered when you were nervous. It was all so strange and awkward and it was all because of him. 

Sirius Blafk had done something to you. You didn't know what it was and you did not care for it in the slightest. Every Time you saw him you hated the way you looked. You suddenly began to wonder if your makeup was too dark or if your hair was too messy. When you passed him in the hall, you felt your throat close and your stomach do flips. 

In charms you couldn't focus anymore. He was alway right across from you laughing with his friends and playing pranks on Snape. You were now constantly biting your long nails, something you had never done before, you had begun to find your mind wandering subjects you didn't want it to. It was if you had lost all control of your thoughts. And you had. 

Sirius found himself in a similar situation. Suddenly your image planted itself into his brain and your voice rang in your ears. He saw you everywhere. The more he tried to get you away from him, the closer you became. He had become moody, everything would make him feel something, every little thing made him fight with an emotion, he wasn't accustomed to so much ... feeling. It was like someone had turned into a fourteen year old girl. It was terrible. To make things worse you were always with someone else, something that made him feel unexplainable fury. Every Time he saw you giggle with Avery or smile at Diggory his heart would clench, pausing slightly before he continued on, his mood soured. To make things worse Regulus never seemed to leave your side. He was carrying your books to class, sitting with you at meals, studying with you in the library. Why did Regulus get to do all that? Why did his little brother get to bathe in the light of your smile so often? That wasn't fair.

The rest of the marauders had noticed the long haired boys sudden mood changes. They had first though he had just had a bad day, but when a day stretched to a week, they had grown concerned. Remus was of course the first to identify the cause, with James lost in emerald eyes, and Peter busy being about as observant as a brick wall, it was pretty much his obligation to do so. He noticed the way Sirius's eyes lingered on you, how he soaked in your form as you passed in the corridor. He saw how Sirius would glare at boys you spoke to, specifically his little brother who seemed to be near you at all times. It didn't take the young werewolf long to put two and two together. Upon his new discovery, he began to pay more and more attention to you. 

He noticed how you avoided Sirius at all costs, he saw the way you blushed when Sirius laughed around you. He also caught you staring across the charms room at the long haired boy when he wasn't paying attention. Everything you did confused him. Because while Sirius seemed head over heels, you either hated him or loved him. It was hard to tell. 

But it wasn't for Harper. She knew you were in love with the older Black brother the second he walked into that library. You didn't even have to do anything. You simply looked at him and she could tell. It was like some alarm going off in her head, telling her what was up. When Harpet first realized this, she attempted to tell herself that she was wrong, it was silly, you didn't 'love'. But then she watched as you blushed and watched and avoided, and she knew you were deep in it. Harper was terrified to bring it up with you. She knew that in a way you already knew, but if she brought it up, made you truly realize, things could get ugly. 

But she couldn't wait any longer. You had to see what was in front of you or you would only get hurt. 

So now the burnet Hufflepuff, paced nervously in your dorm waiting for you to come in. She had a plan in her head, but it still didn't change the fact that she was a nervous wreck. 

Most people would constantly tease their friend if they believed them to be in love, but with you love wasn't an option, you had obligations, not feelings. In fact, you didn't even believe in love. You treated it like some superstition. It wasn't real to you. Not like she could blame you, you were going to be forced to marry some guy you definitely didn't want to at age 17, your parents the same way, and their parents and their parents and their parents. It was a never ending cycle of loveless life. 

Harpers frantic thoughts were interrupted by a loud thump. The girl turned to see you ditching your bag on the floor and huffing to your bed. You fell on to your mattress blankets ripping slightly like someone had tossed a pebble into a smooth lake.

"You okay?" Harper asked cautiously. 

You sat up meeting the pair of green eye scanning you in concern. "Marleen is such a bitch." You stated beginning to pick at your nails. 

"Can't disagree with that." Harper chuckled, "What she do now?" 

"She said I was Sirius 'sloppy seconds' which makes literatly 0 sense. And now she's pinning after him again." You seethed angrily.

"You're in love with him aren't you?" 

Harper's plan just crashed through the window. 

"What?!" You exclaimed."In love? With who? Black!? Never!" 

"Y/n/n, it's not a bad thing to be in love." Harper spoke calmly attempting to soothe your fury. 

"I'm not in love! Love is bullshit!" You had how risen from the bed, your hand clenched into fists beside you.

"Y/n I see the way you look at him I'm not blind! You love him! You get all flustered and weird around him, and I know you know what's going on, you just are too scared to admit it." 

"I'm not scared of shit. I know who I am and what I feel and I'm going to tell you this one time. I. Don't. Love." 

"Everyone loves y/n!" Harper heaved, her eyes desperate for you to understand. How could you not see what was in front of you. But she knew you were blinded by fear. Fear of what most craved. 

"What the hell would you know about love?!" Your voice echoed off the stone walls of the small room, reminding Harper of a jail cell. 

"Clearly more than you!" She huffed back anger sewn delicately into each word she spoke. 

"You will never know more than me you worthless HALFBLOOD!" You spat the last word of your damaging sentence as if it were a bitter taste you were attempting to ride your tongue of. 

Harpera eyes flashed with fear. Not fear of some asshole who you had to kick the shot out of, not of Malfoy, not of one of one of the  boys who had suddenly become aggressive in there chase after you. But fear oif you. She was afraid of you.

The fear left her eyes and was replaced by fury and disgust in a second. Harper walk straight to you practically shaking with rage and she slapped you across your face. You gasped head turning from the impact of her hand. When you turned back she was already practically out of the door. You felt tears slip from your eyes and you shrunk to the floor clutching your cheek. 

It wasn't the pain that hurt. Well it was but it wasn't the pain from the slap. It was the pain that the look in Harpers eyes sent through you. It was the pain from the momentarily fear that ripped through her. It was the pain of you realizing you had just lost your only true friend. 

Your body shook with sobs, the force of your tears making breaths hard to gather. Suddenly the door to your dormitory burst open. 

"Holy shit y/n/n."

You could hardly hear the voice over the echo of your own sobs. But soon a pair of arms wrapped slowly around you lifting you slowly from the floor. You buried your face into the cloak of the boy who now held you in his arms. You took a sharp breath of alcohol and smoke, with an undertone of chocolate.

(Well fuck I hit the word limit. Click THIS for Ending.)

Taglist

@accio-rogers @roslea @k3nz-doodl3 @songforhema

[girloikawa]

carry on youtuber au

baz starts out as a cover artist, occasionally posting his own songs (he does violin stuff too)

but eventually he gets recognition and people are like “who is this person?????” so baz does a few q&as

oh BUT THEN he reveals that he also has so many other interests (books, movies, planting, coffee, Controversal Topics) that people want him to do other types of videos

and that is what starts baz on the long road of his channel basically being an everything bagel where he does a bit of everything and people find it very chill

agatha and baz become friends over their mutual love of gossip in the community (as long as they’re not apart of it)

(because baz and agatha and simon and penny aren’t problematic)

which brings me to agatha, she’s one of those channels that keep everyone updated on the drama and the shitty stuff that happens on YouTube as long as regular media

very opinionated, this gal is, so she shares her opinion on...everything

though, sometimes she’ll do a q&a and do her makeup and talk about fashion or what she’s into at the moment

she’s basically angelika oles

penny’s a booktuber!!!

she mostly reads and reviews fantasy books, as they are her favorite, but she’ll also do those videos where it’s like “i just read a shitty wattpad romance story, let me rant” or “my top ten favorite ya pairings” or “tier ranking every harry potter character because life has no meaning”

now, simon, the babe, he’s (and you cannot fight me on this) basically jenna marbles

his videos are so random and spurratic, he doesn’t even plan what his next video is, and he’s the youtuber

i would also like to point out that simon probably totally has adhd and would talk about it and his experience with it

his most popular videos are of him baking. he’s like (and hear me out) very good and very bad at it. like, all throughout the videos, everybody’s holding their breath’s like “oh no this is going to turn out terribly” because simon being in the kitchen is like a horse babysitting a dog, it’s a mess, however the end product is always perfect and amazing and by the end everybody’s drooling behind their screens

simon is also widely conceived as the weirdest straight guy ever. like people (from just looking at him) think he’s just So Striaght but a very Cool Straight Guy who people wouldn’t actually mind being around

simon has the most subscribers (the majority being that they find him funny and see him as a friend, the minority being people who think he’s Hot As Hell and okay yeah he’s a good person too but have you seen those freckles-)

then it’s baz because he actually started first and his following has been a journey, then agatha (she’s the newest, and her subscriber rate is growing rapidly), then penny (booktube is a small community sad face)

penny n simon are irl best friends and penny was the one who convinced simon to make a channel bc he needed something to help let out his energy, “plus it’s a little fun hobby”

snowbaz now :)

simon has followed baz from pretty much the beginning. he saw his cringy covers, his development as a songwriter, and the walls built around baz crumble over the camera

baz...well, he’s one of those people who think simon is Hot As Hell, but he also genuinely enjoys the videos. at first, baz was like “I’m not watching him, everybody watches him, and I’m different” so he always avoided the recommendations youtube gave him of simon’s videos (but it was also bc he didn’t want to confront that he was very attracted to simon)

and then, one fateful night, agatha sent baz a link to a video called “coming out” and under the link she wrote “youtube angel!”—that’s their nickname for simon—“shocking the world!”

baz click click clicked because hot guy is lgbt+????? and baz watched the video, commenting “proud of you” or something along those lines, and then he watched so, so many more of simon’s videos

simon, a boy who just came out as bisexual, just had his youtube hero comment on his video where he came out and is like !!!!!!

simon’s sexual awakening is baz

also, simon breaks the internet with that video, because he isn’t striaght and that’s so mind-boggling to everybody. but there’s always that one group of people who are like “i saw this coming. do you not remember that one time simon showed his socks and his jeans were cuffed-”

simon replies to baz’s comment and is like “oh my god thank you so much. you’re like my actual favorite youtuber” like a fucking Nut and people see that and say “omg collab” because they’re both relatively high status youtubers and their collab would be Powerful

then, summoning all his courage, simon dms baz on instagram with just a simple “hey, a lot of people are saying we should collab lmao”

“i’ve seen that” “heh uhm yeah” “maybe we could get to know each other and see if that would be a good idea” “yes! i’d love that”

and they do. they get really close and stuff,, but people don’t exactly...see that

you see, on twitter, they get in millions of arguments. people genuinely think that they hate each other to some extent, when in reality, they’re swooning at the sight of the three dot bubble

baz, on twitter: “you cannot tell me that people actually enjoy sparkling water. it’s trash, move on” (they had an argument over it, privately, and baz is making it public to cause a rise out of simon bc he finds angry simon cute)

simon, in response: “yo I’m throwing you in the trash as we speak. fuhhhck u”

so, when they collab for the first time, everybody at home is just like *shocked pikachu emoji* they end up doing a video where simon bakes baz’s mom’s recipe of cherry scones with baz. it’s kind of a big deal bc both simon and baz don’t want to ruin baz’s memory of his mother

in the end, baz tears up and gives si a big ass hug because they’re perfect, simon. i love them, thank you. the fans start shipping. hard. it’s simon’s highest viewed video

that surprise hug is also what makes simon realize that his feelings are much deeper than attraction and surface level forms of knowing someone

on baz’s channel, they were going to film a video where they talked about their experiences being queer, but then simon realized that his biggest, most prominent example was staring at baz’s jawline, so he had to be like “uhhh, actually, I’m not really comfortable with that yet” which is part true. instead, they do a video where they have argumentative discussions, like on twitter but in depth and with less insults

anyways, they receive pretty positive feedback on the videos, people enjoy them, so they decide to do more. also, they both live in LA, so it’s actually pretty easy to do them, plus they have a diverse area to do them in

also, i think it’d be nice to mention that simon will sometimes do twitch streams of him playing minecraft and then he puts edited versions on his channel. it’s worth mentioning because during this one stream, he ends up slipping up and saying “we talk a lot, actually. and i—i like him a lot” about baz, then he blushes like hell because i really just said that and it’s live oh god

all the while, baz and simon actually just start hanging out (without hiding behind wanting to do a video). one meet-up, they go to disney world and halfway through baz is like “uh, should we be filming this?” and simon gives him a smile and replies, “no” because that moment is for them and them only + the fans who see them together and ask for a picture/just take pictures of them being like a couple

their next collab is a bit of a fun one. behind the scenes, pen, ag, si, and baz all become friends, because of that one time baz came over while penny was there and he barely payed attention to simon, too busy talking to penny. anyways, they do a big four person collab where agatha basically teaches them how to do makeup

on penny’s channel, it’s book related. they have to do a look based on the synopsis’ of each other’s favorite books. baz gets simon, simon gets agatha, agatha gets penny, penny gets baz. baz: “snow, you’re holding it wrong. it’s like this” simon: *stares longingly at the brush that gets to touch baz’s face*

on agatha’s, the video is just titled Teaching My Friends To Do Makeup (ft. idiots who test my patience). they all suck. majorly. well, by all, i mean simon and penny suck at makeup

on baz’s, they do a trivia of sorts. if they get a question wrong, they have to skip a product. simon: “oh thank god less work” agatha, deadpanning: “i think i might kill him”

on simon’s, they have agatha and penny go against simon and agatha. si and pen being the ones who have to actually do makeup because, according to agatha, “since you decided to bitch so much, you guys are doing our makeup” “but-!” “nope, I’m Peak Brains of us all so I call the shots” “you’re not even-” “shut up” Everybody (and by everybody i mean the fans) is actually glad that they got to see simon doing baz’s makeup, because it’s literally them just being so flustered the whole time

the collab stuns everybody bc: “they’re all friends??????” plus, some people start calling them the Four Fucks because at one point penny says “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and most importantly, fuck me” after simon flinged a bunch of eyeshadow on her

okay so agatha and penny are just like: “these idiots need to get together already” because it’s very obvious that they like each other. like the eiffel tower in paris, you can’t miss it. everyone watching the videos also sees it, so you can imagine the comments

during one of si’s live-streams (he’s playing the hunger games minigame on minecraft), the chat goes wild because baz pops in. he plans on surprising simon with a picnic (he just thought that they could go into simon’s backyard or the park that’s a few miles away), but it was pretty spur of the moment so he didn’t think about simon doing a stream. and to be honest, simon’s stream was also spur of the moment, so it’s not like he made sure to tell baz about it

“simon! hey, i let myself in!” baz called from the front doorway. the chat is freaking because: “is that baz???” “omg baz has a key to simon’s house!!” “are they dating???” simon kind of just freezes up and starts sputtering as he reads the chat and tries to reply to baz

of course, baz doesn’t understand that simon doesn’t want baz to go into his office/room with his computer, so he does go in and as soon as he sees the livestream he’s like: “oh, uh, I’ll go” and simon unfreezes and goes “no, no, stay, I’ll just be a bit” “do you want me to...leave the room?” “you can watch if you want” (baz wants) “okay, sure” so simon pretty much shows baz how to play minecraft

i never finished this, do i?

[yekokataa]

Reviewed: my year in books, movies, tv, and podcasts.

for posterity, a long post about the media I enjoyed (or had thoughts about) this year

TV (drama):

The Leftovers -  alright, technically I watched most of this in 2019, but I wrapped it  up in Jan 2020 so I’m including it here. Wow am I glad that I watched  this one before the pandemic happened because parts of the premise would  hit completely different now. It’s an amazing series, but it’s hard to  recommend something with the premise that 2% of the world’s population  has suddenly disappeared. Watch it, but do so with caution or wait a  couple years.

Better Call Saul S5 - BCS continues to be a beautifully dramatic character study that takes its time with its characters.

Westworld S3 and Devs - both near future sci fi tackling determinism, a major influence on my writing this year

Watchmen - Good, and worth watching, but it's very heavy and I struggled to finish this one. Deals with a lot of very relevant race issues.

Raised by Wolves - beautiful, dark, haunting, mystical. AIs are sent to a remote planet with human fetuses to repopulate humanity after Earth tears itself apart with constant religious wars.

Run - watched because of Pheobe Waller-Bridge's involvement. A strong start, interesting premise, and great casting, but loses its way halfway through (and was subsequently cancelled)

Dark s3 - I love everything about this German time travel series. Highly, highly recommended.

TV (comedy):

Avenue 5 - verdict: decently funny. Zach Woods is like a chaotic, outgoing version of Jared who deals with his inner darkness in the completely opposite way from how Jared does.

Middleditch & Schwartz - so funny, a bright spot of light this year and something I re-watch when I need a mood boost. I would love to see them live if I ever can in the future.

Community (rewatch) - what a treasure this show is. (up to season 6, that is)

The Umbrella Academy s2 - it maintains all the reasons season 1 was great and improves on them.

How to Sell Drugs Online Fast s2 - I love everything about this funny, topical German series about two teenagers who accidentally become dark web drug kingpins.

Ugly Delicious s2 - feels like sitting around having a good meal with your most interesting friends.

App:

TikTok gets a tv-adjacent honorable mention for being the only app that made me laugh and boosted my mood every time I opened it.

Movies:

The Gentlemen - I've seen this film accurately described as "Guy Ritchie makes a Guy Ritchie film" - it's a return to form for his early London gangster films, but with a bigger budget.

The Shape of Water - what a beautiful film. I was almost distracted from the plot because of how visually rich it is. A re-watch for sure.

Uncut Gems - you'll only find this movie stressful if you care at all about the fate of the main character, which I did not. He sucks. Good film, in spite of the fact that everyone is shouting over each other the entire time.

T2 Trainspotting - a deeply fan servicey 20-years-later follow-up that still manages to be tonally appropriate, emotionally resonant, and funnier than the first film. You know what you're getting yourself into if you've seen the first one, but I was still caught off guard by a couple thoroughly disgusting bodily-function related scenes, as is only appropriate. I am a sucker for any movie that can pack as many human emotions as possible into one film (disgust included), and this one checks the boxes on that for me.

Books:

Exhalation by Ted Chiang - short sci fi stories. Every one is a gut punch or brain punch in the best way possible. It fucked me up and made me think. Highly recommended.

Fall, or, Dodge in Hell by Neal Stephenson - Stephenson writes old testament fanfic. I enjoyed it, and it touches on some really interesting ideas, but it could have benefited from stronger editing and maybe being cut down to like 75% shorter.

Locke & Key by Joe Hill (graphic novel series) - skip the Netflix adaptation and read this version. Joe Hill is the pseudonym of Stephen King's son, and the influence is clear once you see it.

The Winter of the Witch by Katherine Arden - This is book 3 of the Winternight Trilogy. The entire series is great.

The Magicians series by Lev Grossman (reread) - unpopular opinion: skip the tv series or forget anything you know about it and read this instead. It's so clever and sharply funny. There are so many themes you can draw from it, but to me, it's fundamentally about the struggle of adulthood and self-actualization.

Daemon Voices: On Stories and Storytelling by Phillip Pullman - I love seeing an inside view of the writing process from an author I love. Somewhat illuminating as to the religious influences in his work which completely flew over my head as a child.

Podcasts:

2020 was the year where my normal podcast listening got disrupted by no longer commuting and for some reason I gravitated to only screenwriting or cybersecurity podcasts. Because this post has gotten so long I have completely run out of steam to talk about why I like these so I'm just going to list them instead.

The Screenwriting Life -  Meg LeFauve and Lorien McKenna

Scriptnotes - John August and Craig Mazin

Smashing Security - Graham Cluley and Carole Theriault

Cyber - Vice

[in-tua-deep]

me n a friend have been talking abt how to make a happy au where everything works out for the best and tbh my proposal is: that last time five time travels he doesnt make it to the apocalypse, he jumps right into reginalds funeral and just the fact that their annoying rebellious preteen brother who needs people to look after him is there, they collectively pull their heads out their asses and the apocalypse doesnt happen thru the power of sibling love (+being made more responsible), ur thoughts?

OOH curious, an au where Five travels straight from when he was thirteen to his dad’s funeral? 

Five absolutely doesn’t believe that Dad is dead or that his siblings are his siblings until they PROVE it and then he basically is like what the fuCK luther you’re HUGE and allison your hair!! klaus you got so tall!! why is everyone except vanya tall as fuck!! 

“Hey where’s Ben?” Five asks, all excited and wide-eyed and the rest of the squad is like surprisedpikachu.jpg

When he finds out that Ben is dead he tries to travel back in time to prevent it and that’s when he comes to the realization that moving forwards in time is a whole different kettle of fish than moving backwards in time which sparks its own little breakdown because until that moment he was treating this as sort of a fun vacation with his cool older siblings and didn’t realize that he was stuck there

So the whole squad gets to find out via breakdown that Five hadn’t really meant to run away and was always intending on going back to them and that he just got stuck

Five calls them out on their bullshit regarding Vanya because he literally just came from a time where Vanya used to sneak into his room in tears after Reginald called her useless and ordinary for the nth time so maybe he’s a little protective and he’s just like “holy shit dad is DEAD and y’all are STILL spouting his same bullshit regarding Vanya”

Diego, who hates the fact that he was just compared to Reginald, decides to be a contrary bastard and immediately start treating Vanya nicer because honestly sometimes spite is the best motivator

Seriously how do the siblings not cotton onto the fact that their brother who sees the dead can see their very dead brother?? whatever, Five is from a time where Klaus was just doing weed and not heavy drugs so as soon as he finds out Ben is dead and after he has his subsequent breakdown he turns to Klaus like “hey hey ask Ben where the fuck he put my book on interdimensional theory I need it for reasons” and Klaus is so surprised he just automatically relays the information and then the rest of the family are like “what” as Five jumps to go retrieve it

Five is still conditioned by Reginald to like. Be a good little child soldier. And I’m gonna say the running out wasn’t a common occurrence, so instead Five gets to bug his siblings to take him places because also he’s thirteen and can’t drive

“Dad is DEAD” five says, wide eyed with possibilities, “holy shit. Is griddy’s still open? can we go to griddy’s? in DAYLIGHT? without sneaking out? holy SHIT”

in the face of this excitement over something as small and simple as being able to go to a diner when he wants, it’s not like they can say NO. even luther wavers because honestly griddy’s is a nostalgia trip and a half and he’s been on the moon for four years and… dad’s dead it can wait for like, an hour right?

The commission is like “hmm. fuck. better send some people to get the timeline back on track” except now it’s the whole squad who deal with the Griddy’s Assassin situation and Five helps because this is what’s he trained to do!! taking down armed gunmen! look at them doing their job as a family

meanwhile the others are freaking out internally because five is a BABY and he’s in DANGER also looking back they were ALL BABIES WHAT THE FUCK DAD and five is just smiling while warping around bashing people on the head with diner mugs

Klaus and Vanya are ducked under a table bonding about not being super helpful in fights and Klaus is like “tbh idk why dad let me go on missions and not you like i remember when you got allison to teach you that highkick p sure you’d be more useful than me” and vanya is touched

they don’t come out unscathed and Five is bleeding and everyone is freaking out over it and five is just like “dude i’ve had worse lmao like literally dad has given me worse than this” and everyone is reminded that their dad was a dick and even luther finds his faith shaken because five is so little and he doesn’t remember them being that little,,,

they still make Five get patched up when they get back home as they try to figure out Hey What The Fuck Was That and five is literally getting stitches and he’s still excitedly asking them questions about their lives

and he’s thirteen and so sheltered i cry so he’s very impressed by like, everything

“we should watch some of allison’s movies!! we can watch movies together now, right?? i mean even dad would let us watch a movie if it had one of us in it surely! i want to see!” “!! Luther you went to the MOON? what was it like? were there aliens? did you see the flag? did you bring back moonrocks? can I have one?” “klaus your skirt!! i know dad never let you wear the stuff you wanted and now you just can! you can wear whatever you want! that’s so cool. can i do that? can i wear whatever i want? klaus klaus can you paint my nails? can ben pick out the color?” “vanya you’re in an orchestra!!! and you have a concert! that’s soo cool! does it matter that you aren’t first chair? you’re in an ORCHESTRA. i knew you were gonna be great with the violin!! can we go to your concert?? please? how much are the tickets? I probably still have my piggy bank in my room if no one’s touched it”

(Klaus touched it. Klaus 100% stole that money a long time ago. Allison cuts in and decides that as the wealthiest sibling and the currently most maternal and she is just melting at all this she will buy the whole family tickets to Vanya’s concert and they’re all going to attend as a FAMILY even if she has to drag everyone there by the ear)

everyone is immediately like “i am going to give this child the world and do all the things that we never got to do as children holy shit also now that i’m more distant from the events i never realized just how little autonomy we had and the fact that Five is so excited about being able to wear non-uniform clothes is a little depressing”

luther out here like “but,,, but the murder mystery”

and they all consider that and think that hmm. maybe those mystery griddy gunmen actually had something to do with dad’s death? okay okay, maybe just maybe luther isn’t being an idiot about this

if you think thirteen year old five doesn’t JUMP at the chance to be a part of uncovering a murder mystery you are incorrect and the siblings are immediately like “hmm. five has already gotten hurt. he is child. we should be,,, protective.”

vanya goes back to her apartment and still meets leonard peabody sorry guys but it’s kind of her job and i don’t want to take that away from her

she does still end up going to leonard’s house except five gets really bored of being smother by the rest of the squad (and they’re all WEIRD about the oddest of topics it’s stupid) so he goes off to find her and ends up ALSO at leonard’s house except he find reggie’s notebook and is like “hey i recognize this!! this is dad’s! i saw him writing in it yesterday!” and instead of letting anyone know he just kind of stuffs it up his shirt and steals it (it’s not stealing if it belongs to dad) and bugs Vanya into going home with him

he looks at the journal (he was always too curious for his own good that’s what got him into this situation) and so he reads about vanya’s powers

and immediately busts into the kitchen for family dinner like “GUYS HOLY SHIT”

and so that’s how the family finds out vanya has powers, it’s a big revelation, five is super enthusiastic because now vanya can come on missions with them suck it dad!! because he 100% isn’t aware yet they don’t still go on missions together and five is already like “we gotta train this!!”

idk pogo probably comes by and reveals the whole nanny situation and allison makes that reveal and vanya is fucking DISTRESSED and tries to leave but five latches onto her wrist and is like “vanya’s never been ordinary a day in her life!! have you heard her play the violin!! your rumor didn’t even work!” which is v touching to vanya and calms her down at least to continue the convo

luther is like “clearly she’s on the meds bc she’s dangerous so we can just continue those it’s fine” because it’s not like she’s hurt someone he cares about in this timeline tbh

allison meanwhile is trying to be a better sister in general so she counters back with “she was FOUR she didn’t understand the concept of death, now that she’s older and past the toddler tantrum phase i think it would be fine for her to actually learn about her powers”

but it’s klaus who’s like “hey, maybe we should ask vanya what she wants??”

and vanya is like,, i want to know. it wasn’t nice feeling like a burden back during the diner shootout, and i think i’d like to maybe try and explore this - and if it’s too much then there are always the pills (bc at this point vanya is still on those and doesn’t realize they inhibit her emotions, when she does she ends up not wanting to go back on them)

vanya gets the love and support she needs!! luther gets some validation for his dad was murdered theory bc the squad investigates with him and they find out about reggie faking his murder a lot earlier! allison doesn’t get her throat cut! klaus gets the love and support HE needs!! and decides (with ben’s input) that he needs to at least attempt to be a good role model bc five has already asked him if the drugs are more important than family when klaus tried to duck out of an allison movie night! diego gets to leak his protective instincts all over five and also take out his anger issues on the commission agents being sent after them! five gets to have an actual childhood even if he does chafe sometimes at his siblings being weird and protective!

literally the apocalypse is ended by five gasping and saying “WAIT can we go to the ZOO?” and making them all go on family trips together where everyone is included because!! they’re his siblings! he wants everyone to be there! he’s gonna see a lion motherfuckers! in person!

also a lot of the things five thinks of are things the siblings just,, never had time for. so it’s a first experience for a lot of them, and so no one really has a good reason to say no?? because they kind of want to go, too?

five, literally vibrating in excitement: i want to go on a roller coaster

like i know you said about preteen rebellion but look he’s come out into a world where his dad is dead and so there’s the potential to do ALL the things he’s always wanted to do but knew dad would never let him like holy shit!! family laser tag! paintball! let’s take a roadtrip to the beach guys i’ve never seen the ocean!! let’s go ice skating! go on a ferris wheel! eat ice cream on the couch! throw popcorn at the tv! lets blast abba songs through the house and make a blanket fort!!!

like it’s gonna take a while to get through the exhausting excitement of “LOOK AT ALL THESE FORMERLY FORBIDDEN THINGS I CAN TRY”

and just throughout this they’re dispatching commission agents and fighting hazel and cha-cha and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with that as well as teaching vanya how to control her powers which everyone is trying to help out with and also dealing with five literally bouncing off the walls one half of the time and the other half of the time being passed out somewhere due to running out of energy

“klaus i want to get a puppy” “we are absolutely doing that, no ben we don’t need to consult anyone else about this” “i’m gonna name him mr. pennycrumb” “you do that buddy why the fuck not”

but yes. what an absolutely blessed and happy au. i love u and tell ur friend that i love them, too

prevent the apocalypse through the power of reconnecting with your inner child and dragging your family along behind you