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[oculusxcaro]

When the cute little waitress disappears from Pauli's Diner, don't be surprised if you hear odd sounds coming from the sewers...

[i-cant-sing]

Time Traveller AU pt 6

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Time Traveller AU masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

PART 7 is here!

Its been a week since Baldwin finally came clean about the kiss with Charlotte, a week since you cleared of him "cheating on you", not that you cared if he did, and a week since you realised Guy tried and failed miserably to sabotage Baldwin through Charlotte.

Its also been a week over the due date you were supposed to return to Egypt to get your tools from Abbas, but its been hard to leave when Baldwin insists on spending time with you 24/7 because wants to make up to you for "suspecting his devotion to you".

He draped himself over your shoulders, caging you in his arms as he pecks your temple. "I'm sorry for making you doubt my love for you, princess. No, no- clearly, I'm the one at fault! Let me make it upto you~" Ugh, sometimes him being such a green flag is making it seem like a red flag. But you cant argue because... well, if you dont let Baldwin shower you in affection, then he might stop chanting "its my fault, princess" and change the narrative into "its your fault, princess and you need to be punished for doubting me- the KING, for slapping me- the KING, for thinking yourself so highly that you think i cant have all the women i want, me- the KING! To the dungeons you go, darling!"

Anyways, you both were now sitting down in the royal gardens, Baldwin's head laid in your lap as you worked your fingers through his luscious locks, absentmindedly braiding his hair while he made you tell some stories.

"And so, she found out her husband was cheating on her because she found out a jar of strawb- a jar of lard in her house." You looked down at his face, finding him already staring up at you, eyes full of awe. "And she doesnt eat lard. She hates it, so she never allowed it in the house."

Baldwin let out a small gasp. "And then what did this- Sharkerilla lady do?"

"Shakarina left Pickle. Divorced him." You told him, adding in small daisies in his hair. His face displayed pity. "Wow. And how do you know these people?"

You paused for a second. You cant explain to him how Shakira and Pique were celebrities and the concept of drama channels on youtube.

"We were neighbours." You hummed, patting his head. "There, I did your hair. Now I'm going-"

"No. Come on, we havent spent enough time." He whined, blue eyes looking at you pleadingly.

You scoff. "Baldwin, we've spent the entire day together. We ate breakfast and lunch together, we read books in the library, we looked at tiaras and crowns for the wedding, we even played chess." He lifted his head up from your lap and rested it on his palm as he leaned on his shoulder.

"And you lost all 5 games." Baldwin grinned, making you smack his forehead gently.

"I need to go-"

"Why?"

"Because I need to make arrangements for my trip to Egypt." You explained as Baldwin groaned, plopping his head face-first into your lap. "No." He mumbled against your dress.

"No?"

"No." He raised his head, pouting at you. "You're not going to Egypt. I miss you too much."

You gave him a lazy smile. "I'll be back soon."

"Not soon enough." He argued. "I have to go find my family, Baldwin." You continued on with your lie, raising a hand to caress his cheek. He sighed and leaned into your touch. "I can send the knights to find them." "They wont be able to. Only I will. Besides, I need to know what theyre like, if its even best to let them back into my life again, hm?"

He pondered over for a moment. "Then I will come along?" "What? Why?" He gave you a charming smile. "Because I dont want to part from you. Not for weeks, not for days, not even for-" He leaned up close to your face, eyes darting from your eyes to your lips back to your eyes. "-a minute."

Your face flushed and you looked to your side, using your hand to push his face away, making him chuckle as he grabbed the same hand and pressed a kiss to it. "You're so adorable, my little prude."

You shot him a glare. "I- I'm not a prude. But at least one of us should have a little shame."

He gave a chuckle, poking your still flushed cheek. "Shame? Whatever for? I love you." His eyes lit up in amusement as your head whipped towards him. Baldwin raised a brow at you. Its not the first time he's confessed, but... it still catches you offguard everytime.

"Did you hear me? I love you." He repeated, eyes still twinkling at how you continued to become flustered.

You opened your mouth and then closed it like an idiot, not knowing how to reply.

"Thank you." You finally said, looking anywhere but at him. He burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh god- I tell you- I love you and you say "thank you"? You really are something out of this world!" Baldwin teased you, making you huff.

"Lets not get off topic, Baldwin. You cant come with me to Egypt because you cant abandon Jerusalem. If your throne is empty, Guy- though he doesnt have the brain for it, or Salauddin or someone else will attempt to take your throne from you! You have a responsibility to your people! Keep them safe." You reminded him.

Baldwin stared at you before sighing, leaning back and resting his head on his arms. "You're always so smart, aren't you?" He smiled with his eyes closed. "I suppose it is a good thing that you care so much for your future subjects."

-

Next day, you were all set to leave for Egypt again. Baldwin and you stood at the gates of the castle as the kingdom all gathered around to bid you safe travels. You were ignoring Baldwin's stupid lovey dovey eyes boring holes into you, because there are people here and you dont want this blue orbed man to embarrass you.

But alas, he took your hand in his, making you look at him. He flashed you his dimples, bringing up your hand to press a kiss to it, the crowd cooing while you blushed (though it could be mistaken for anger with how hard you were frowning).

Tearing his eyes away from you, he addressed his people. "O people of Jerusalem! Your princess is going on an important journey. I ask you all to pray for her safety and well being!" The crowd looked on you two with awe, or more at Baldwin for being such a doting husband-to-be.

"While I know that your hearts must ache to see your princess depart from us for some time, I bring you good news to keep your hearts at peace as well." You looked at Baldwin in confusion. Good news? What is he talking about?

Baldwin smiled at you, the sunlight hitting his face at angle that made him look majestic.

"In 3 weeks time, the princess and I will marry!" Your eyes widened as the crowd erupted in cheer.

Baldwin hugged you close, and you whispered. "Three weeks? But I'll be gone for at least two! I wont have enough time to make-"

"Dont worry about a thing, princess. Sibylla and I will make all the arrangements necessary and trust me, it'll be a wedding for generations to remember." He pulled back, grinning at you as he pecked your forehead. "You just focus on returning safely, okay?"

Sibylla, Guy and their son were also there to bid you farewell. Sibylla pulled you in for a tight hug, promising to give you a grand wedding and that she'll keep your prefrences in mind. Their son ran off and Sibylla went to chase after him, leaving you alone with Guy.

"Bye." Guy gruffly said while you smiled tightly at him. "I know what you did, you buffoon." He looked at you slighted. "What the hell are you-"

"Charlotte? The letters? Yeah, we'll talk when I return. And you better not cause anymore trouble for me or else-" You turned to look at Baldwin, waving sweetly at him. Guy gulped, taking in your threat.

-

As usual, your first stop was at Salauddin's camp. You would go without stopping here, the knights Baldwin sent with you claimed to know the way but... you dont trust them to know how to survive the desert. And you knew you were right when some people from your caravan started feeling faint.

"Return to Jerusalem and take care of yourself." "But we cant just leave you, princess-" "You are not going to be able to serve me if you dont survive the desert. Salauddin's camp is near and with his guards combined with mine, I'll be more than safe. Go now. And tell the king that I insisted you returned." You assured them, commanding a few knights to guard them on their way back.

Looking ahead, you saw the sand hill beyond which Salauddin's camp was. Isabella, your lady-in-waiting, gave you your niqaab and chaddar.

-

"And then, he told me about who Charlotte was and what really happened. It was all a big misunderstanding." You told Salauddin as he moved his pawn.

"You believed him?" He raises a brow as you made your move.

"Of course! I already knew Guy was behind it. I figured it from the letters, and his face practically gave it all away when I confronted him about it." You reached under your veil to fan yourself. "Is it burning in here or am I just imagining it?"

Salauddin turned and brought you some cold water. "Guy could be a threat to you. Dont trust him."

You turned your head to the side, barely lifting your veil before bringing the glass underneath it to your lips, gulping it down as you let out a relieved sigh. "I know. Guy is a tool, and tools are meant to be used."

His lips quirked slightly at your words. Sitting back down, he played his move. "When do you plan on leaving Baldwin?"

"Soon. The plan is in motion." You took some time before moving your knight. Salauddin wasnt making this game easy for you this time and neither was the hot temperature.

He leaned forward, taking your knight with his bishop. "And how do you plan on doing that when your fiance has just announced your wedding date?"

You narrowed your eyes at him. "How did you- spies?" Salauddin's silence confirmed how news travelled so fast. "You dont need to worry. I'll be long gone before the wedding day."

"Care to indulge me on your plan?" He popped a date in his mouth.

"No." You replied making him glare at you. "If your plan involves relying on Guy, then you're even stupider than you look."

You scoff, pushing his king down. "I'm sorry, how many rounds have you won against me?" He smirks, though you suspect that he's just trying to cover up for being a sore loser.

"Maybe I just let you win so that you get to live." Of course, how can you forget his "win or you die" version of chess.

"Whatever you say, grandpa." His jaw clenched, making you chuckle. "Your existence gives me a headache. Leave."

As you walked out, you're suddenly hit with a wave of dizziness. Under your veil, your face is sweaty, you cant even use your hands to wipe it away because of how clammy they are, you even feel beads of sweat rolling down from your neck to your leg.

"Are you alright?" Salauddin came up behind you, eyes studying you stumbling a bit.

"Yeah- I'm just- hot..." You muttered, sweat gathering around your upper lip while your mouth felt like cotton. He watched you blink slowly as the sun hit you in the face, making you raise your hand to shield yourself, even though your muscle cramped.

"Y/n?" You heard him call you, but black dots clouded your vision and then in a second, you fainted.

-

You woke up to the sound of drums playing outside. Looking around, you recognised this to be the women's tent you had been in the first time Baldwin brought you here.

Isabella walked in, halting for a moment when she realised you were awake before rushing towards you. "Princess? Are you okay?" She poured you a glass of water, helping you drink it. "What happened?"

"You fainted from the heat. We were going to take you back to the kingdom but Sultan Salauddin advised us all to stay put here because the air was only going to get hotter for the rest of the day. And by night, it would be too cold for us to make it back." She smiled gently. "He was kind enough to offer us stay here."

You nodded and sighed. For sure none of you wouldve survived if you were to return to Jerusalem today.

You walked out of the tent to see it was night now. The drums you heard earlier were being played by some men of Salauddin's, accompanied by few women clapping and having an overall merry time around the bonfire.

You didnt spot Salauddin with them, but you suppose he's probably either working or resting.

The temperature had indeed dropped as night fell, and you wrapped a shawl around before joining the camp fire. You sat down on the ground with some women, smiling as they immeadiately welcomed you warmly. The one on your right was quick to show you her baby, and you recognised him to be the one you saved.

"Jibrael." She told you his name. The baby was almost a month old, and his chubby cheeks made you coo. Jibrael- or Gabriel, is an angel who acted as an  intermediary between God and humans and as bearer of revelation to the prophets, most notably to Muhammad (PBUH). In Christianity, Gabriel was the archangel announcing the coming birth of Jesus Christ and John the Baptist. In Judaism, Gabriel is a helper to Daniel and a warrior angel for God's cause.

You played with the baby for a while before handing him back to his mother to be put down for sleep. It was getting cold now and most had already left to go to bed now. You wrapped the shawl around you closer, snuggling into it as your eyes gazed at the dancing flames. You felt someone sit next to you.

"How are you feeling now?" Salauddin asked, keeping his eyes ahead.

"I'm fine. Thank you for catching me."

"I didnt. You fell. It was funny." You turned to glare at him (the respectable gap between you two did not go unnoticed... or unappreciated by you.) and perhaps for the first time you saw him smiling. Genuinely.

Though his thick beard covered most of his lower third of the face, you could see his sharp jawline that sculpted his face. Strong. Hard. His lips, bottom one appearing to be plumper than the upper one, were resting in a relaxed smile.

The moonlight seemed to soften his sharp features, but his kohl lined eyes adorned with luscious lashes shone with amusement and... something in the orange hue of the bonfire.

He turned his head to you. "What?" You were thankful for your veil covering your expression for being caught staring at him like an idiot. You shake your head, dismissing him, turning your head back towards the dying fire.

"What are you going to do once you leave Baldwin?" Salauddin asked, stoking the fire.

"Leave."

"To where?" You shrug. "Anywhere. Maybe try finding my family. Or venture somewhere else."

"He wont give up so easily." You rolled your eyes. "Yeah yeah, because he loves me and all-"

"He wont forgive your betrayal." Salauddin cut you off. "He wont forgive you for the embarrasment. He wont forgive you for the insult of rejecting a king. He wont just- let you go." He looked at you, his tone haunting as he uttered the next words.

"Baldwin will hunt you down. And he will make you wish you were dead."

You stared at him, processing his words. Baldwin would... hurt me?

"Are we talking about the same man?" You ask him with a light chuckle, though your throat has ran dry.

He nods. "I know he seems like he couldnt hurt a fly, and physically, he couldnt until you cured him. But I've seen him on the battlefield. I've had him as my enemy and I've observed him obliterate people who just tick him off." He offered you some dates, and you took a few. You were hungry, and these looked pretty good right now.

"Baldwin is smart, calculating. He's the king, he has the power to end his enemy very easily. At the drop of a hat. But he doesn't. He waits for the perfect moment, or rather creates the perfect chance to torture any man who had the misfortune to be on the receiving end of his anger. And he does it with a completely cool, clear mind." And even though Salauddin has fought Baldwin many times, they both know they're only fighting for their people, for their religion. Its nothing personal, so they're technically not enemies.

"So what do you suggest I do to not piss him off so badly? I've already tried rejecting him respectfully."

He stayed quiet for a few moments, stoking the fire. He smiled when he felt your curious eyes on him.

"There is a way." He said.

"Which is...?"

His smile widened even more. "You're not ready for it yet." You frowned. "Drop the act, Salauddin. You came here by yourself because you wanted to tell me the plan. Stop teasing and just tell me." He chuckled hearing you become frustrated.

"In due time, Y/n. In due time." You roll your eyes, standing up. "I'm not going to beg you to tell me. But your "plan", which I dont think exists, it better not mess with my escape." You stomped back inside your tent, and Salauddin snickered as you tripped a bit on your chadar on the way in.

He stood up, giving a nod to the rest as they all settled in for the night.

-

"Salauddin!" You cried out, your eyes full of tears that he could see from a mile away, even if your were wearing a niqaab. He could feel your agony, your distress. You were standing in the middle of the desert alone, the boiling sun along with your black chadar covering you from head-to-toe, would only be increasing your body temperature. Why were you all alone? He left you with his caravan. Or did Baldwin leave you in this harsh enviorment to die? Did he find out you were going to leave him?

"Salauddin!" You called out to him again, your voice wet from all the crying. This time, he rode his horse towards you. Fast. He needed to get to you, even though the galloping hurt his shoulder. Yes, he got wounded while he was fighting. He sustained many injuries, many gashes, so much so that by the time he reached you, his white armour had turned bloody. But he was not bothered by it, no. He needed to reach you. You. How long have you been out here? Arent you dying of thirst?

Your arms were still wide open, though drooping from the lack of energy. He could hear you sobbing as you called him again, and he all but ran towards you, bodies colliding as he pulled you into a strong embrace. Muscled arms wrapped around you, comforting you that he's here now. You're safe now.

Salauddin looked around as you bawled into his chest, trying to see if everyone had really abandoned you here and... left you die.

You pulled away from him, but Salauddin didnt remove his hands from you. And thats when he felt the cloth you were wearing. It was too thin. The sun must've burned your skin now. Is that why you're crying? You're in pain?

In a blink, he removed his own thick black chadar that rested on his shoulders and wrapped it around you, pulling it over your head to stop more heat damage.

"Y/n?" He spoke softly as you continued to cry so brokenly as he adjusted the cloth over your body. "What happened?"

"Y-you left me!" You blubbered. He shook his head. "No. I- I left to go in battle. I couldnt take you along. It was dangerous-"

"You left me, Salauddin! You left me here! Baldwin- he hurt me! He hurt me so badly! And you weren't here to protect me!" You sobbed out, your eyes red and swollen from the tears. "I am a part of the ummah! I am a Muslim! You- you were supposed to keep me safe! On your honour, I was in your care! Why didnt you save me, Salauddin?"

Salauddin felt his heart being crushed at your words. He failed to keep you safe? But... he was at war. What was he supposed to do?

He grabbed your shoulders, pulling you to his chest as he rubbed circles into your back. "I'm sorry." He whispered, shushing you as your body shook from tears. "I'm here now. I promise to keep you safe, Y/n. I will never leave you again. I will never let anyone hurt you again. I swear, Allah as my witness, I will do everything to keep you safe." You pulled your head back from his chest, your red eyes looking at him weakly.

"You're too late, Salauddin." You whispered and a sharp sound whooshed through the air, making your body jolt in his arms. You both looked down and thats when he saw it-

An arrow. Poking through your chest.

"Y/n?" His voice trembled, watching the life drain out of your eyes.

You fell, and so did Salauddin, catching your body. He couldnt- he couldnt believe it. He cradled you in his arms, readjusting the chadar over you again, softly calling your name.

Wake up. Wake up, Y/n. Return to me.

Footsteps approached him, though he couldnt bare to tear his eyes from you. He already knew who it was.

"Why?" Salauddin asked him.

Baldwin kneeled down to his level, staring at you for a moment before yanking his arrow out of you, making a stream of blood gush out. Salauddin panicked, tried to cover the gaping wound with his hand. He looked at Baldwin in disbelief. This... this was not the Baldwin he knew. Baldwin was never so cruel- so heartless.

"She deserved it." Baldwin stated before stabbing him in the chest.

Salauddin continued to hold you in his arms, watching Baldwin leave on his horse as you two bled out to your deaths in the middle of the desert.

Salauddin woke up with a jolt, his forehead sweaty as he breathed fast. He could feel his heart beating against his chest loudly.

Nightmare. Thats all it was. He was still in his bed, in his tent.

He got up to fetch himself some water, taking sips to slow down his heart. Judging from the darkness, he knew it was still nighttime. It was quiet, everyone was asleep except for a few men he left to guard them.

It was quiet. Too quiet.

Salauddin whipped around just in time to knock the shadowy figure standing behind him with a sword. In a second, Salauddin had overpowered and snapped his neck, only then realising more shadows moving outside his tent.

"We're under attack! WAKE UP!" He yelled before grabbing his two swords and running out to defend his caravan.

-

You woke up to screaming and Isabella pulling you out of bed.

"We're under attack!" She says, yanking you out of the women's camp that was set on fire. Your eyes were wide and for a moment, you were frozen as you took the scene in front of you.

Fire. There was fire everywhere. All the camps were ablaze, along with some people being burned alive. Haunting screams echoed the entire area. Time slowed down as you saw Salauddin's men fighting... some people. You couldnt figure out who they were, but you knew they werent the knights Baldwin had assigned for you. No, you saw them fighting these mysterious figures as well. They were covered in dark clothes to blend in with the night, had hoods and masks covering their faces but they fought skilfully and very fast.

"Princess, we must leave!" Isabella caught your attention again, dragging you away from the chaos. You saw her following a knight- your knight, who led you towards a horse for you to escape with.

Salauddin... where's Salauddin?

You looked back frantically and you spotted him in the sea of flames, cutting through multiple armed one with his two swords slicing them brutally.

For a moment, your eyes met and then in the next, he screamed your name.

Isabella had pushed you away just in time as two men came at you with swords. You knight yelled at you to run. Again, Isabella pulled you to make an escape but it wasnt long before you two got separated by a woman who was on fire, running in between you two.

"H-help her." You told Isabella who took of her shawl to put out the fire. In the middle of all this commotion, you heard a distinct cry.

A baby's cry.

Jibrael!

It was coming from one of the tents. You ran in, looking around for the baby before spotting the bassinet. You grabbed the crying baby and held it close to your chest, trying to shush it as you walked towards the exit only to halt when you saw who was blocking it.

The shadowy figure. He was wearing dark hood and mask, while the rest of his armour was made of leather. He was armed with swords, daggers and a satchel.

It clicked. Assassin.

The assassin stared at you with dark eyes taking a step forward. You backed away, holding the crying baby protectively to your chest. He tilted his head at you, and for a second, you thought you saw amusement in his eyes.

Slowly, he walked out of the tent without saying a word but he stood right behind the curtain of the tent. You saw his shadow pull out his sword before standing there still.

What is he doing?

You turned around, hoping to find another exit but thats when you saw it. Two more shadows stood outside the tent and then they dropped something on the tent walls.

Fire. They lit the entire tent on fire and stood outside with their swords, giving you the choice to either die by their swords or burn yourself alive.

The fire spread fast, burning the flammable tent easily. Dark smoke started to surround you making you cough. The baby continued to cry harshly and you pulled him under your chadar to protect him from the fire and smoke.

But you didnt realise it until it was too late. Your chadar, your clothes had caught on fire as well. You screamed for help, screamed in agony as your skin burned. It felt like you were being branded, felt like someone was ripping your skin off.

Is this it? Is this how it all ends for you? Suffocated, skin charred, body naked? In a period where no one knows who you really are?

You fell to your knees before hunching over the baby, cradling it in your arms as its harsh cries burst your ears, protecting him from being burned for as long as you can.

Allah... Allah... Allah...

Through the thick smoke, a figure ran and covered your body with a thick cloth, patting down to put out the flames.

He picked your trembling body up, your arms still wrapped around the baby protectively. He walked through the ablaze tent, his face still covered by the smoke, or perhaps your vision was too blurry.

He exited the tent, the smoke cleared out and a gush of air filled your lungs. But you were burned, suffocated and exhausted.

The last thing you saw before your world faded to black was Salauddin's face.

-

You woke up to the sound of Quran recitation. A gentle, steady voice read the words beautifully.

Fluttering your eyes open, you looked around the room for the source. To your side, you found Salauddin reciting the Quran with his eyes closed in concentration. Was he a hafidh? (Hafidh is someone who has memorised the Quran completely).

He opened his eyes when finished reciting, looking stunned for a second to find you awake before a small smile graced his lips.

"We're in Egypt now." He informed you before concern washed over his face. "How are you feeling now? I changed your bandages in the morning, but I think its time to replace them." He grabbed the bowl of water and bandages on your side.

"B-bandages?" He stopped before understanding your confusion.

"You were in the tent when the assassins set it on fire. Your... clothes caught on fire, which stuck to your skin and burned it as well. I had to remove the remains of your clothes to treat your burns-"

"What?!" Your eyes looked down to confirm his words, he had indeed changed your clothes. "Why did you-" Your hands touched your face, heart sinking as you realised your veil was not there.

"You removed my niqaab?! My clothes?!" Your fury was only a disguise for your fear of what he'd seen, what he'd done to you in your vulnerable state.

He shook his head. "I had to do it as soon as we were safe. You were hurt-"

"Why? Why did you have to do it? Why not Isabella or any of the other women?!"

His face turned solemn. "Isabella... was gravely injured. She was in no position to look after you. Most people- most women from my tribe did not survive. The few who did were also wounded. The men... I just thought you wouldnt prefer someone you didnt know to look at you in such state." Salauddin looked at you, his eyes clear. "I did not do anything unbecoming of a man. Allah as my witness, I did not touch you with ill intent."

Perhaps it was the way he said it, or perhaps you just wanted to keep your mind at peace but... you believed him.

"How's Isabella now?" You let him change the dressings on your arms, watching him like a hawk as he moved quickly and carefully, no unnecessary touches or lingering that would make you uncomfortable. Even when he treated the the burns on the back of your legs, he worked fast, applying some balm on the red areas. The balm was like a cool gel against your irritated skin.

"She's better now. Just needed some rest." He replied as he finished wrapping the bandage on your legs. "Your back." Salauddin softly asked. You hesitated.

He sighed. "Y/n... I need to apply the balm or your skin will scar." You slowly turned around, holding your breath as you removed the robe from your back partially.

If he wanted to, he could've done anything when you were unconcious. You calmed yourself.

Again, Salauddin's hand worked fast, applying the balm quickly and placing some gauze over the marks. He pulled your robe over your back again, letting you turn around with a flushed face.

"My... my face?" You asked cautiously. You did not know if damage had been done there as well.

Salauddin understood you. "Fortunately, your face was save from the flames." He stood up and went over to the wardrobe to grab you a white chadar, handing it to you so that you cover your head with it. "Maybe when you were ducking over Jibrael, your arms covered both you and him from the fire."

"Jibrael...?" You asked. He smiled assuringly. "He's fine. You saved him... again." You sigh in relief. At least this wasnt all for naught.

Salauddin sits back down in the chair and though you've covered your hair with the shawl, he keeps his eyes trailed down on his hands in his lap. "I must ask you of one thing." You peeked at him before keeping your eyes focused on your lap as well.

"Will you... tell Baldwin about this incident?" Why would you when it would only cause Baldwin to panic and prevent you from leaving the castle, or his sight at all? You still need to come here to get parts for your time machine and even if the machine was working, you need to be able to use it without Baldwin or his army of knights breathing down your neck.

"No. It will only cause misunderstandings between you and him and I need to punish the real culprit for it."

He frowned but didn't raise his gaze. "And who might that be?"

"Those men... they were assassins, right?" He hummed. "Judging by how vicious they were, I think they were Ismailis."

Ismailis were a sect of Shia Muslims. Basically, like the great schism of Christianity into Orthodox and Catholic Church, Islam also had a schism that divided it into Sunni and Shia Islam. Shia Islam further had divided into different sects, of which one was Ismailis.

Sunni and Shia Muslims have been at war with each other since the beginning over religious differences. And considering Salauddin was not only Sunni Muslim but also targeted many Ismaili assassins so that they would not oppose his rule, it would be an understatement that they wanted Salauddin dead.

But... you know Salauddin had already gotten rid of most of the assassins and established his dominance over them. You're sure he's already had a peace treaty with them.

"Salauddin, you have an agreement with the Ismailis, don't you?" You watched his eyes widen slightly. "You're on peaceful terms with them at the moment?"

"How did you know?" Of course, the great Sultan Salauddin, an orthodox Sunni, wouldn't want the world to know that he spared the Ismailis. No, that would stir rumours that Salauddin has empathy for Ismailis, for the Shias, and which would lead to the rumours of hum being a Shiite Muslim.

You waved him off. "I know your character. I know of your mercy. Besides, I know both you and the Ismailis have a bigger common enemy- the Christians. Its more than likely that the Ismailis are supporting you so that you defeat Baldwin and claim Jerusalem, then they can focus on you. Plus, if the Ismailis wanted to kill you, why wait until now? They know you've been camping outside Jerusalem for months now." Salauddin was... impressed by your deduction skills to say the least. How are you connecting the dots so fast? Just who are you, Y/n?

You rubbed your chin. "So that means that someone not only hired the assassins but also wants us to think that the Ismailis were behind it all." Who could it be? Someone who wants to harm Salauddin but... they also wanted to harm you. It couldnt be the Roman Catholics or other Christians. No, they'd know better than to interfere with Baldwin, their Holy Emperor's war. Especially not with his wife-to-be in harms way. Who... who would know that you're with Salauddin and still attempt an assassination-

"Guy." You muttered, pinching the nose of your bridge. Of course, its fucking Guy, shit for brains Guy who cant sit still and wait his turn to play king.

"Guy? Why would he attack me when you're still here?" Salauddin's mind immeadiately gives an answer as soon as he asks out loud.

"Because I am here." You groan. "He's trying to eliminate us both, or at the very least- me, while I'm with you so that he can provoke Baldwin to go to war with you because you "killed" his future wife. He would tell Baldwin that it doesnt matter if they were Ismailis or not, we were all Muslims and this is just how Muslims are! He'd send Baldwin off to not only go to war with you but rather go to war with Muslims everywhere! And knowing Guy, he probably hopes that Baldwin dies in the process of his rampage. If you, me or Baldwin are all dead, or even one of us is, then Guy will only have to worry about dealing with one less person. His best bet was probably to get rid of me and you both, then have Baldwin go to war with all the Muslims who killed his fiancee. He's using all of us as pawns so that he gets to sneak on to the throne and be king!"

You heard Salauddin sigh. Perhaps he agreed with your theory. Perhaps he didnt. Whatever he may think, you know he will still conduct a thorough investigation of his own to find out who the real culprit is,

"Dont worry, I will deal with Guy. In fact, I'll let you have him to slaughter as you please." Of course, Salauddin will kill Guy. He has to pay for the blood of all his people.

Salauddin watched you get up from the bed and walk towards the vanity. "How long will these take to heal?" You asked, referring to your burns. "Usually take about a month, but the balm I used will significantly fade the marks." Good. You dont need Baldwin freaking out over them.

He stood up to take his leave. "I'll check on what information they've been able to gather from the assassin we caught. You-" He pointed towards the bed. "Rest. I mean it. These burns will only get worse in the heat outside, thats why I gave you the coolest room in the palace." He continued to glare at you until you finally sighed and sat on the bed. "I have to go see Isabelle-" You tried but he raised his hand. "No. You are to stay here, in your room. No one gets in, and no one gets out. I dont trust anyone to not try to kill you, not even in your own entourage- whatever is left of them. My men are stationed right outside. If you need anything, you tell them. But you are not to leave your chambers."

"I'll see you at dinner." He left and you saw the guards stationed outside your door.

The great thing about Egyptian palaces was that they had big windows to allow for ventilation. So you were already out of the window and climbing along the edge. You were about to jump when you heard someone call you.

"P-princess?!" Isabelle looked at you in horror. Apparently, you had climbed down near the balcony of her room. "Oh hey, Isabelle! How are you now?"

"I- I'm fine- princess, please get down from there!" She practically begged, fearing for your life. You climbed over her balcony and hugged her. "I'm so glad you're okay! Because I need you to do me a favour." You gave her a sweet smile while she looked at you in confusion. "See, I need to go out for a bit but Salauddin has told me to stay in and rest. So... I need you to cover for me again, just like last time."

"I- what- princess-"

"I wouldnt ask you if it wasnt of grave importance." You pleaded, finally making her give in. "Okay, I'll go to your room-" You stop her when she begins walking away.

"You cant just walk in there. There's guards stationed there and they wont let you in."

"Then how am I supposed to get in?"

You smiled at her. She didnt like that smile. It wasnt... well meaning.

"Well..." You looked at the balcony and she followed your gaze, almost immediately coming to tears.

"Princess please-"

"I am right here. I will help you, I promise Isabelle! I wont let you fall."

-

After helping a trembling Isabelle climb into your room, you had finally made your way to the madrassa. You had covered your face with your chadar and sneaking inside was no feat.

Abbas jumped out of his seat the moment you entered.

"Y/n! I thought you forgot all about me- wait what happened to your hands?" He referred to the bandages.

"I had an accident while conducting an experiment." "What experiment? Can I be a part of it? Please please please-"

"Abbas." You silenced him. "Business first. Did you make the tools I asked you to?" He quickly ran to his desk and pulled them out from the drawer. You examined them. They werent the best but you could make do with them. You nodded before asking for a paper so that you could draw the last few bits you needed.

"I need these by the end of this week." Abbas chuckled. "Oh I thought you were joking. How do you expect me to build- whatever this is! in a week? No way. I would need to get all the material and-"

"Abbas. I need it this week. I dont care how, but you have to do it."

He looked at you suspiciously. "Maybe if you could just tell me what it is that you're making-"

"No. I cant. And you will make me this by the end of the week, if not earlier because I have a very good reward waiting for you."

Abbas rolled his eyes. "I dont need your money-"

"I will let you ask me anything you want. Any question on any topic you'd like." You knew Abbas's thirst for knowledge.

You saw the twinkle in his eyes. "I will still take the money." "Of course, but I'll pay you after you make me this." He sighed and agreed.

"Wait- check this please?" He handed you his journal that had some math equations. You huffed, grabbing his pen and working on the mistakes. "I'm doing this just so that you do my work." You gave him some other math problems you did in grade 8 and handed it back to him.

You turned to leave before pausing.

"Abbas?" He hummed. "I think... we should set some security measures." You whispered.

"Whatever for?"

"Just in case someone came looking for me or my work. You know you're not supposed to tell anyone about this."

"I couldnt even if I wanted to." He tilted his head. "Why would someone come looking for you? Are you in trouble?"

You shake your head. "No. But you're aware of how other... scholars are eager to steal ideas." He nodded, being a victim of such crime.

"What do you have in mind?"

-

Salauddin was informed when you had returned to the palace. Of course he knew the moment you left. This was his Egypt. Not a bird flies without his knowledge here.

He sent out a spy after you, both to keep you safe and to follow you around. He couldnt help but let out a huff when he was told of your daring climb out of the window. Didnt he tell you to stay in bed?

"This girl..." He grumbles.

The spy told him that you went inside the madrassa. Why? What business could you possibly have there?

Perhaps you're creating a poison? To kill Baldwin? No, there would be easier ways to get poison. You did tell him and Baldwin that you were going to Egypt to find your family, but he has a hard time believing that.

Just what were you upto?

He'll find out soon enough. This is his kingdom, he finds out things. And he'll find out your secret too.

He knocked on your door before entering. You were sitting on your bed, your face now covered with a niqaab and your hair with his white chadar. His clothes. He felt something warm in his heart at the thought.

"How are you now?" He asked, his hands clasped behind his back.

"I'm fine. Just bored waiting here all day." You sighed exasperatedly.

Such a liar.

"I apologise for not being able to entertain you. I was busy with the assassin." You looked at him in anticipation. "He didn't reveal much but he did say that they were hired. I suppose that would bring us closer to your theory."

He watched your eyes narrow in thought. "It has to be Guy. He knew I was going to the desert to you first. He needed to get rid of me without anything to come back on him. Coward."

The door was knocked.

"I hope you dont mind- I had them bring dinner up here." Salauddin explained, letting the servants in. They set down a dastarkhawan in the balcony. A red table cloth was set on the ground, onto which many dishes were placed. You both sat down on cushions, the area was lit up with candles placed. You were busy admiring the view of the pyramids from your seat while Salauddin poured you some ginger kehwa.

"Here." You lifted your niqaab a bit to sip the hot tea, a sigh escaping your lips. Salauddin's lips quirked a bit but he, like you, kept his eyes focused on the pyramids.

You picked up the plate of dates from your side, knowing how fond he is of them. "Here." You mimicked his voice, making him smile as he grabbed a piece.

You both silently ate, admiring the view and enjoying each others presence.

Some time later, you were both done with dinner and just sat in silence. That is until Salauddin spoke.

"I'm sorry." You looked at him. "For letting you get hurt."

You exhaled, trailing your eyes back towards the night sky that was littered with gleaming stars.

"I know. But you shouldnt be, Salauddin. I'm not made of porcelain."

I know. I saw you jumping off the palace walls with the confidence of an assassin and the grace of a headless chicken.

"Still, you're under my care. I am responsible for you-"

"I free you of this burden." You're not a burden. "I am not that hurt and I am not scarred for life. If anything, all that incident made me question is just how far would man go?" Your eyes glazed over as you recalled the incident in the tent, where the assassin left you and the baby to burn to death. You could understand killing you, but a baby? He was willing to let a baby burn?

"It makes me believe just how barbaric people were to the Ahl al-Bayt (family of Prophet Muhammad PBUH). How easy it was for them to slaughter his lineage, how easy it was for them to keep water from them, how their hearts did not halt for a moment when they heard the cries of Ali Asghar- who they killed with an arrow in the neck." Your eyes glistened. "A baby. He was just a baby. How would've his father felt in that moment, holding his dead son in his arms, knowing he had to bring him home to his wife?" The battle of Karbala was one of the most heart wrenching tragedies of Islam and whats worse is that Prophet Muhammad knew of it years before it happened. He knew his own grandsons will face martyrdom years before it actually happened, when they were just little children in his arms.

"Man is cruel." Salauddin stated.

"But Allah made man. Why... would he allow man to be so cruel? Even animals are not this merciless." You wondered.

"Because man cannot see God." He says. "There are signs of His existence, signs for those who wish to be guided. Animals can see God. Angels can see God. Humans... Allah has made us with the ability to think, to choose. Man chooses to be cruel when he forgets that Allah is watching, that these things- the stones, the trees, everything around him? They're all living beings who will testify against man." He smiles. "But that is why the true believers also have a greater reward in the hereafter. What do you think of the reward, of what you'll get when you enter heaven? You dream of wealth, of food, of all luxuries. But there's a greater reward waiting for us. Do you know what that is?"

You gave a slight shake of your head.

"The true believers will see Allah. They will get to meet their Lord, their Creator, the One who saw them through it all, the One who knows their secrets and kept them hidden, the One continued to shower His blessings upon them even when they were not grateful." Those words... they comforted you. How peaceful it is to the heart to hear that your Creator waits for you. The One who has seen you shed tears and took care of you in this world will also take care of you in the next. And at the same time, this is such devastating news for the sinners too. Those who act selfishly, who forget who their Lord is, they will end up in hell and will never get the opportunity to see their Creator again, to ask of mercy from the most Merciful.

"Still..." You mumbled, wanting to find an excuse for such wickedness.

"It is not our place to ask why, Y/n. Allah does not owe us answers, explanations. He already has given us His book for guidance, his prophets for example. But know this- everything happens for a reason. Maybe the battle of Karbala was just to show us how quick man can turn on his own. Perhaps in the future, a time will come when people will kill many women and children, slaughter men so brutally while the entire world watches and yet... no one does anything. And then people will wonder- surely, man is not so evil. Surely, man wouldn't kill innocent children. Perhaps then they will remember history."

-

Salauddin woke up with a sigh. He had gone to sleep after he left your room last night, but he woke up from yet another dream he had of you. You. You. You. Since that night in the desert, he's been having constant dreams about you. Its either you dying at the hands of Baldwin or Guy, or its you asking him to help you. Tonight, he dreamt of you two celebrating Ramadan together, with you picking up the plate and offering him dates, however unlike dinner, you were sitting much closer to him in his dream, by his side. So close, he could see himself in your eyes.

Salauddin wasnt vain enough to admit it to himself- he had feelings for you. But what were they?

Lust? Not really, he's seen far prettier women than you. Beauty... is subjective and Salauddin is a firm believer in "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

Admiration? No. He admires your intelligence and your wit but Salauddin also has those qualities.

Infatuation? Sure he does think about you often during the day but not enough to call it obsession.

No, its love. It has to be. His heart doesnt know what exactly it is about you that draws him in. His mind doesnt comprehend why he feels like you belong with him but his soul, every fibre of his being screams that you do.

Allah has created someone for someone. He created Eve for Adam, He creates a woman from the rib of the man.

Salauddin touches the side of his chest, just above his abdomen.

Perhaps you're his missing rib.

You were smart, you were daring, you were also stupid enough to put yourself in harms way but it was... endearing. More importantly, you were the only person who could bicker with him, stand your ground against him and get away with it too.

He sat down on a chair, looking out at the pyramids. Like the man he's named after (Prophet Yusuf/Joseph), Salauddin believes in dreams having meaning. Perhaps its a way for God to talk to you, to warn you or guide you.

And from all his dreams about you, he's come to interpret it that he must save you from Baldwin... and everyone else. And he can save you- he can save you without you having to go through the trouble to be plotting against Baldwin and endangering yourself by working with Guy.

He could marry you.

If you were to marry Salauddin, you would become the queen of Egypt and the wife of the strongest Muslim leader of the time. Not only that but the entire ummah, Muslims around the world will come together as one to fight against Baldwin, against anyone who dares to harm you. You would be safe, you would be secure by his side as his wife.

But the plan is easier said than done.

Baldwin wouldnt backdown so easily. He would wreak havoc and if he's as obsessed with you as Salauddin has seen him, then he wouldnt stop at nothing to get you back. Baldwin will have to be dead for you to be safe from him.

Besides Baldwin, you yourself also are a hurdle. You havent shown any interest in him (which is understandable because you're engaged) but he doubts you're interested in marrying anyone at all. You're not one to be affected his wealth or status, you dont go for materialistic things. He's sure if he were to ask your hand, you would laugh hysterically and then maybe try mocking him. And Salauddin does not want to force you to marry him. He wants you to want him.

There is a way he could convince you. All he has to do is make himself look better than any man, especially Baldwin because you do seem to have a soft spot for him despite trying to sabotage him.

A sinister idea comes to mind.

What if Baldwin breaks up with you?

If Baldwin, for any reason, decides not to marry you then not only will you be free from him but a war will be avoided.

All Salauddin has to do is give Baldwin a reason to break up with you. He could send some concubines to him, but he doubts Baldwin would use them. And even if he did, it isnt reason enough for him to call off things with you. No, the only way Baldwin would break up with you is... if you're unfaithful to him. You dont need to cheat, dont need to sleep with any man. No, you dont have to do anything at all. All he has to do is make sure you're in the right place at the right time and Baldwin's there too, just enough to create doubt in his mind. And the ball will roll from there. Baldwin will continue to second guess your loyalty to him until he's driven himself insane. Then he'd leave you without ever punishing you for a crime he thinks you committed but has no proof of. Thats when Salauddin will swoop in as your knight in shining armour and you'll see that all men but him are shit and you'll say yes to his proposal-

No.

He sighed, rubbing his temples. Despite it being a perfect plan, the safest plan- Salauddin cant bare to stain your character. He cannot spread a rumor about you being unfaithful. He cannot have anyone talk badly of you, even if it will end up with you in his arms. You're important to him. And if you ever figure out that Salauddin was the one behind it all, you'd never forgive him. You would never trust him.

The thought of you not trusting him, just like you dont trust him enough to tell him why you sneaked out of the palace, it hurts him. He doesnt know why but he wants you to trust him- trust him enough that you come to him with your problems and have faith that he will solve them for you. He will keep you safe. He will protect you.

He will have to find another way.

Salauddin offered the morning prayer before reciting the Quran, asking Allah for guidance for his problems and good health for you.

He walked out of his room and turned to the corridor where your room was, only to find you sneaking out of the room with Isabelle. You were still wearing his white chaddar, and it engulfed your small body like a blanket as you hurriedly walked down-

You tripped on the bottom of the long chaddar and fell face first.

"Princess!" Isabelle cried out as she helped you up, but you quickly dusted yourself off and continued talking her ear off as if nothing had happened, the tail of the chaddar trailing behind you as Isabelle walked beside you to keep up with what you were saying.

"Idiot..." He whispered to himself, though he was smiling. He called a servant and ordered him to bring the finest chaddars and niqaabs for you. He cant have you tripping all over the place because you wear his chaddar that was too big for you, despite how adorable you looked in it.

-

You knocked on his door.

"Salauddin, I was going to the market-"

"And you came to ask for permission? Okay, granted." He waved you off with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes. "Where do you get the audacity- nevermind. I came to ask if you'd lend me a few gold coins? I need to buy some things, souvenirs if you will." You had lost your coin purse in the desert and you need to pay Abbas.

He raised a brow. "What do you need? I can have it brought to you here."

You pursed your lips. Why is he being difficult? "I dont know what I need until I look. Just give me some money, I promise to pay you back as soon as I can."

He stood up, walking upto you but you neither backed away nor moved your eyes from him. "Its not about the money." He pulled out a pouch and dropped it in your hands. "I worry for your safety. Who knows how many others Guy has hired to kill you? I'm coming along."

"Aww, you're worried about me? That's so sweet-"

"I wouldnt want my image to tarnish because a guest died in my care." Your smile dropped as you grumbled something under your breath.

"Whatever. I still dont need you to tag along-"

"Good thing about being the sultan is that I dont need anyone's permission." He cut you off before walking past you. You stomped after him. "Salauddin, dont you have work-"

"You can either come with me or stay in your room for the rest of your stay here." He stated.

-

"What?" He heard you snicker beside him. Your eyes twinkled with amusement. "Oh, its just these rags suit you a lot." Salauddin and his guards had worn disguises to blend in with the commoners. He didnt want to draw attention to you two.

He rolled his eyes. "I have to blend in for your safety-" "I have never looked more in danger than I do right now. Look around and see people staring at a lady dressed so modestly is surrounded by brooding men wearing rags." You giggled as Salauddin looked around to see some people were indeed looking your way.

You stopped at a small stall that was selling some jewellery. You were looking at some rings, trying to choose something for Sibylla. The shopkeeper, an old man must've seen Salauddin standing over your shoulder looking around for any suspicious men.

"Son, why dont you help your wife pick something? Focus on her!" The shopkeeper said, catching you both off guard. You looked at Salauddin and laughed at his surprised face. Continuing to pull his leg, you stared up at him and batted your lashes. "Well, husband? What do you think would suit me?" You asked raising two different earrings to your face. One had a ruby in it, the other had sapphire.

He looked at you for a moment.

"Neither."

Your smile underneath your veil vanished, and you placed the earrings back on the table.

"The blue opal ones." He nodded his head as the shopkeeper handed him the tear drop gold earrings that had the precious stones fixed in it. He brought the earrings near your face, never touching it as his eyes assessed his pick.

"They bring out your eyes." He said before paying the old man and giving them to you, all while you were looking at him in awe.

"Wait! Why did you pay? I had the money." You two had begun walking again. "You mean the money I gave you?" You frowned. "I'm gonna pay you back." He smiled. "You dont need to. I have enough. As for the earrings... consider them a gift."

"Gift?"

He hummed, his chest puffed up. "Part of the hospitality of the sultan."

You glared at him before smiling. "Thanks." You two continued to walk around the market, Salauddin gave alms to the poor he encountered. You were standing at another stall, watching in fascination as the man ground up the black powder and mixed it with oils to make kohl. He filled it up in a beautiful vessel before asking if you'd like to try it.

"Oh, I dont know how to." Especially not without a mirror, which the man didnt have. But he was persistent to sell his product and when he looked at Salauddin's kohl lined eyes, he offered it to him.

"Would you apply it on your wife?" This time, Salauddin didnt react like he did the earlier when he was associated with you. He took the wooden stick dipped in the kohl and looked at you for permission.

You gave a nod. He walked upto you, gently cupping your veil covered face. You thanked God for the niqaab, or else he would've seen how violently you were blushing.

"Chin up." He whispered before tilting your chin up. Your eyes shifted as they stared into his brown ones. "Open wide." He ordered, even though your eyes were already saucer shaped from the close proximity.

He began tracing the soft edge of the stick along the waterline of your right eye. He seemed to have noticed that you were holding your breath. "Relax." He softly commanded, patting your cheek with his thumb. That broke you out of your trance as you narrowed your eyes at him.

"Dont tell me what to do." You grumbled. "Open wide." He ordered again bringing the stick up to your left eye for a second coat. You hated the way he commanded you, hated that he seemed to be having his fun with this.

"Dont order-"

"If you dont listen to me, I will marry you today." Your eyes blew wide open in shock.

"What-?!"

"Hush." He smiled placing kohl on your now wide eyes. "Whats wrong? You seemed to enjoy playing my wife but when I joke to marry you, you dont like it."

He's... joking?

Without realising, you blinked causing the still wet kohl to spread in your eyes. Salauddin had pulled the stick back just in time to not poke your eye out.

You hissed in pain, raising your hand to rub your eyes but Salauddin caught your wrist pushing it down.

"Open your eyes, Y/n. Look at me. I said- look at me." You opened your eyes to stare at him, your vision blurry from the mixture of tears and kohl.

Salauddin grabbed his handkerchief and began to dab the excess away as he tutted at you to stay still. Once he was done wiping the excess away, he blew cold air on your irritated eyes gently.

"I swear... if you dont sit still, I really will marry you today." He threatened you as he watched your red eyes glare at him. He didnt like that you were in pain, even if your own stupidity was the cause of it. This time when he applied kohl, you didnt dare to move an inch.

Fortunately, he worked faster this time around.

He gave a nod of approval when he was done. You dont know whether it was because he liked how your eyes looked now or if he was admiring his own work.

Salauddin handed the man money before taking a few bottles of kohl.

For the next hour, you two walked around in silence mostly. The image of your kohl lined eyes occupied his mind, not only because of how beautiful they were but also all the emotions that switched in a matter of seconds. You could try and hide your feelings all you want but your eyes tell. The eyes... they're the window to one's soul.

He saw attraction, anger, mesmerisation, disgust and pain in your eyes. Or maybe he's overthinking this. Maybe it was all just momentary and you really do hate the idea of being married to him.

You were both standing at yet another shop, this one was selling dates. Salauddin walked inside the shop a little more to inspect the quality of the dates, expecting you to be following behind him but when he turned around, you were gone. He walked outside the shop, hoping to find you there but it seemed like you had vanished. Even his guards hadnt seen you.

And then, as Salauddin whipped his head around, he saw the silloutte of your chadar disappearing around the corner. He ran after you, hoping to not lose you in the crowd but as soon as he turned around the corner, he couldnt spot you anywhere. He ran down the street, looking left and right but you werent there.

Where are you, Y/n?

He began walking back towards the main street when in the corner of his eye, he caught the sight of a familiar chadar. He turned his head to the right and there you were, standing with your back to him under the shadow of the large canopy of the shop talking to some man.

He walked up behind you, the man you were talking to seeing him first.

"Y/n." He snapped. You turned startled before your shoulders relaxed at the sight of him. "Oh, its just you. Did you buy the dates?"

Dates? You're asking him about dates after you just made his heart stop for a few minutes?

"Why did you leave me?" Ya Allah, that came out way more desperate than he wanted it to.

"I was getting something from this man." He raised a brow, almost as if he didnt believe you. You sighed. "This is Abbas. I hired him to make some things for me?"

"Such as?" You narrowed your eyes at his accusatory tone before nodding at Abbas, who then pulled out a heaxagonal shaped board that looked somewhat similar to a-

"Its 3 people chess!" You exclaimed, bouncing on your feet as you handed it to Salauddin. "I designed it and had Abbas make it for you!"

"For me?" He asked, turning the board around as he tried to understand how it would work.

"Yeah. I wanted to thank you for saving my life. And for your hospitality. And for lending me money."

His eyes softened slightly. "You dont need to thank me, Y/n. Its... my duty. I'm responsible for you." You waved him off. "Yeah yeah. Look, just take this and I'll teach you how to play so that one day you could play it with your wife and... kid? Or maybe with your wife and Baldwin? Or two wives-?"

"Y/n, I appreciate the gift but I would appreciate your silence more now." You pouted at his words but never the less, you both left to return to the palace, unaware of the eyes watching you two.

The mysterious figure wrote down what he'd seen before using messenger eagle to deliver the note to Jerusalem.

-

It had almost been a week in Egypt. You and Salauddin were having lunch together when a guard came to him and whispered something in his ear, the sultan frowning.

"Whats wrong?" You asked him.

He looked at you. "Baldwin... he's coming to Egypt."

"What? When?"

"He's crossed the desert. He should be getting here today, in a few hours." Salauddin was still frowning. Why is Baldwin coming to Egypt?

You shook your head. "Baldwin wouldnt ever leave Jerusalem, not unless..." Your eyes widened at the realisation.

"He's coming for a war." Salauddin confirmed.

Fuck.

Part 7 is here!

[sunflowerhae]

GG! (Good Game!) 👾🌀👾 (L.DH)

Summary: Famous YouTuber and Streamer y/n just moved in next door to scholastic loser haechan! No sweat for him! No big deal! Not like he has her picture above his computer! Not like he owns her merch that he stayed up all night to get! Not like he cried when she started playing his favorite video game! Not like he’s completely and utterly obsessed with her and all his friends know it!

Oh wait…Major deal.

Genre: SMAU (with occasional written parts) , loser college student!Haechan x streamer fem! Reader, somewhat strangers to ???, fluff, angst, mostly just haechan being obsessed with reader (you’re welcome delulu fans!)

Starring: All members of NCT DREAM, all members of AESPA, might have some occasional other artists pop in & out!

Warnings: profanity, sexual themes and language, mentions of obsessive behavior, y’all are NAWT going to like y/n sorry, more to come 😫☺️‼️

Playlist: punch, NCT 127 // about you, The 1975 // the adults are talking, The Strokes // disco, Surf Curse // from the ritz to the rubble, Arctic Monkeys // spy?, WHOKILLEDXIX // mass anasthesia, Mediavolo

Notice: all depictions of artists are fictional and no way represent who these artists are in real life. Any similarities are simply coincidence. All pictures are taken randomly from Pinterest. Anything you would like to see removed, please message me PRIVATELY and it will be discussed.

Notes: yay! I’m so excited for yall to read this UGH. I’ve been wanting to get back into the swing of writing recently, and I’ve been super obsessed with SMAU’s and thought I’d try it out. Lmk what u think! I love a boy obsessed w me so it felt only right to make this. Enjoy! 🌀👾💥

Status: Ongoing..

Want to be added to the taglist? Send me a message, or comment under the masterlist!👻

P R O F I L E S

The Flops™️ | extra |

Bad Girls Club | extra |

Intro

Ch. 1 - the worlds tiniest violin

Ch. 2 - that dog in u

Ch. 3 - MISANDRIST

Ch. 4 - I need a gun

Ch. 5 - manifesting 🫶

Ch. 6 - wattpad fanfiction (written)

Ch. 7 - Lala land

Ch. 8 - check engine light

Ch. 9 - chat is this real (Bonus)

Ch. 10 - The Friendzone™️

Ch. 11 - lil dude

Ch. 12 - #virgin

Ch. 13- Renselle 4 life

Ch. 14 - suicide not postponed!

Ch. 15 - don’t HMU ❌

Ch. 16 - u broke him 💀

Ch. 17 - FTCU by Nicki Minaj (written)

Ch. 18 - lover boy

Ch. 19 - 12 baddies 1 Porsche

Ch. 20 - idiot

Ch. 21 - FUCKING DEAN?

Ch. 22 - TINY LITTLE HICCUP

Ch. 23 - The Big One (written)

Ch. 24 - the twilight soundtrack

Ch. 25 - #thankyouy/n

Ch. 26 - ur girl is whack

Ch. 27 - Stockholm syndrome maybe?

Ch. 28 - ur grounded.

Ch. 29 - pause.

Ch. 30 - Restraining Order

Ch. 31 - I’m fine.

Ch. 32 - all hands on deck

Ch. 33 -

Ch. 34 -

Ch. 35 -

Ch. 36 -

Ch. 37 -

more to come… 💭

🤖 Plot questions 🤖

Y/n and Haechan’s ages

☆ Main Masterlist ☆

[nc-vb]

DONT FORGET ROT FOR THE MALE MOANING AUDIOS

My dear, I'm going to use this ask of yours as a catalyst... All of my personal favourite ASMRs, vids, etcetera... beneath the cut. Not all of them are only male moaning! Literally just all my faves I've collected LOL.

Links will not only be audios; a majority of them are videos.

Links will be from any of the following: Twitter, the Hub, Audiomack, Soundgasm, and likely other sites, so be prepared because they're not labeled, lol. And sorry if any of the links are repeated; my bad.

BUT YES, THE MALE MOANING AUDIOS UGH 😮‍💨

BLUE TEXT MEANS NEW LINKS HAVE BEEN ADDED.

Links with sparkles are my personal faves.

Edited, more added July 21, 2023

CerberosVA Now, if y'all like your man extremely vocal, if you like whimpering, or lowkey, you like the whole subby bf thing, PLEASE, THIS MAN, I cannot recommend his shit enough. He's on twt, the hub, probably the mack; please support his official work on Patreon, if you can.

x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x

softxwarm (hub) This guy does both asmr and stuff with his girlfriend, but his solo ASMRs are pretty coo'. I'll just share my top three since you can just sift through his videos, anyway.

one (video; solo) | two (video; solo) | three (video; solo)

moonxx911 (twt) ANYTHING by this man. I won't even both being specific; I listen to his shit on repeat, rotated.

Akiradubs (hub) He mostly does character dub audios, but he has some simpler ones that I enjoy, like this one.

one (audio, gn!; sub male, ig?)

RedactedASMR I haven't gotten so deep into the lore of it, but Redacted has a whole series of ASMRs that tell long ass stories, so if you have the time, I recommend searching him out. I believe most of them are on YouTube? Personally, Lasko is my favourite (he's so cute with the stuttering, ughhhh). I'm just going to link my personal Redacted playlist I've started, rather than link specific ones. You can find him on more platforms, but I don't think his n/sfw ASMRs are on Youtube... idk.

ncvb RedactedASMR playlist (the mack)

SeikyuuVA (hub; also on the mack) Look, Seikyuu isn't everyone's flavour... there's only a couple specific ones I enjoy, just because he really goes over the top with the sounds and aggression sometimes, LMAO, and it gives me second hand embarrassment...

Lxvesickk (twt) Just found him, hehe. Just listen…

WickLuvsU (twt) His audios are... immaculate.

X | X (play these both at the same time... you're welcome.)

Video Links, general

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 ✨ | 19 | 20

21 | 22 ✨ | 23 ✨ | 24 | 25 ✨ | 26 | 27 | 28 ✨ | 29 ✨| 30 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 ✨| 36 ✨| 37 | 38 | 39 ✨| 40 ✨

41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 (mmf✨)| 46 (aud✨)|

Video Links, mlm

I had to put these links in a separate post because I reached Tumblr's 100 link-per-post limit? Didn't know that was a thing. So, please find them here! There's about 80+ links.

Video Links, wlw

1 | 2 | 3

Characters Like, the fake dubs. I dunno what they're called.

Hanma Shuji (hub, audio; Akiradubs) Zhongli (hub, audio; Akiradubs) Akira/Joker (hub, audio; Seikyuu) Take this Audiomack link, too; it's my other personal playlist that has a shit ton of character ASMR dubs on it, and then some...

I'll have more to add along the way; keep an eye on the update date!

[anothermansjeans]

OKAY HEAR ME OUT youtuber!reader x spencer, and they do the "i love the smiths' 'huh' 'i said i love the smiths 😃'" and then spencer like tackles her into a kiss trend i NEED THE PUBLICS REACTION TO THAT AND MAYBE MORGAN/PENELOPE/AARON?

THIS IS SO SHORT IM SO SORRY!! also i find it so funny that spencer wouldn't even aware of the trend they're doing and he just goes with it

cw: clueless spencer, cute little trend

wc: 248

youtuber!reader masterlist

++

Spencer had absolutely no idea what was going on. You were standing there, talking to him as your phone was currently taking a video and a sound was playing from it.

“I need you to kiss me when I say the word ‘Smiths’.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Huh?”

“Kiss me now!”

Still completely unaware, he stepped forward and smashed your lips together, walking you completely out of frame. He continued to kiss you until you both needed to come up for air, and when you did, you smiled at him.

“Can I post that video?”

He smiled at your question, knowing that if he was really uncomfortable, you wouldn't post it. “Yeah… it’s not weird, right?”

You softly laughed and hugged him tightly. “I haven't checked it yet, but I think it’ll be good. I’m sorry for not completely explaining the trend, but I thought it would feel more authentic this way.”

And he completely understood.

++

Messages from Penelope afterwards:

Spencer. Walter. Reid.

Why are you and your gf SO CUTE?

Ugh, I love you both, thank you for that TikTok

++

Messages from Derek:

My man

Who knew you had it in you

Pen sent me the video, lover boy. Stop ignoring me.

++

Bonus: some comments

@ user: OH PLEASE LORD LET ME LIVE A LIFE LIKE THIS

@ user1: sleeping on the train tracks tonight

@ user2: you can tell he had no idea what he was doing 😭 love him fr though

@ user3: SCREAMING CRYING WISHING THAT WAS ME!!

++

youtuber!reader taglist: @im-a-ghost666 @lyd14k4y @happiestcat @hauntedtv13 @obi-wansgirl @charismatic-writer @navs-bhat @itsleilabxtch @strabarrybat @hiireadstuff @cherrybb-ily @wietske27

let me know if you want to be added or removed!

[anadiasmount]

opposites attract - jude bellingham insta au.

quick sum: in which golden retriever energy jude bellingham tries to shoot his shot with black cat energy y/n. quickly realizing how determined and just sassy she is...

psa🗣️: HIII! this was supposed to be uploaded last week but i got so sidetracked i couldn't finish so here it is! fav insta au i've written tbh, so i hope you all enjoy! 🤍

fc: bella ramirez | pics: pinterest and youtube!

ynusername

liked by: judebellingham, jamalmusiala, yourbestfriend, hudabeauty, others.

ynusername: when in doubt, go with the mini skirt 😛

comments:

username: when in doubt, go take pictures at parking garage! got it!

user283: you are so UGH

username28: i’ve watched the movie like 10x by now. so obsessed with you 😣

↪️ judebellingham: same

user982: in yn we trust! 🙏

yourbestfriend: face card is insane so so so pretty 🫦

username395: you were so badass in your new movie!! legit can't stop watching!!

user953: outfit and skirt are SERVINGGG

user29321: haven't seen such a role as influential and that fits with someone so much xx

username193: ur so black cat energy in your latest interview, yn not giving any f's around here!!

--- ꔫ ---

ynusername added to their stories!

judebellingham sent a reply to your story!

↪️ shall we be on the lookout for this latest roll?? 👀

↪️ yourreply: not anytime soon

↪️ can we get a sneak peek? or would that be too much?

↪️ yourreply: i'm sorry and you are?

↪️ well this is awkward...

↪️ yourreply: mhm...

--- ꔫ ---

spottedcelebrity

liked by: ynusername, judebellingham, user392, username32094, user384, rubendias, popculture, vogue, time, hollywoodnow, others!

spottedcelebrity: we can't get enough of her! she has stolen and broken the hearts of many! passionate and driven to her career, find out more about the new 'it girl', @ynusername, in our 8pm show live tonight! stay tuned for more...

comments:

user8594: THE YN? don't play with us.

username759: its the fact she turned down jacob elordi...

judebellingham: 🤝

username33: so pretty... love how she is careless and her all the time!!

vogue: that's our girl!

user234: crazy how big she got in under a year...

↪️ username483: was telling this to someone the other day! the movie barely had any pr or announcing and now its a worldwide adaptation because of her!!

ynusername: thank u for having me! 🖤

popculture: we're going to ignore who commented? 👀

↪️ spottedcelebrity: stay tuned now guys... 👀

--- ꔫ ---

ynusername added to their stories!

judebellingham sent a reply to your story!

↪️ so beautiful! 😍😍

↪️ yourreply: no.

↪️ no?

↪️ yourreply: look at the second pic again xx

↪️ okay, i looked and what now? :))

seen one hour ago **

--- ꔫ ---

spottedcelebrity

liked by: ynusername, zendeya, jennaortega, username587, judebellingham, popculture, vogue, user342, others!

spottedcelebrity: and it's out, here's a small preview of our current 'it' girl's interview and photoshoot for the april campaign! acting, dating, fashion, and beauty, she gives us all her tips and iconic phrases! join us for our early show tomorrow at 11am!

comments:

username74: HER DRESS! RED IS DEF HER COLOR!

user95: 'i know my standards, and if he couldn't fit them, then that's on him' CAN WE PRASIE??

ynusername: oh my! million thank you's! 🖤

username294: is she real? like how? everyone at her feet and she could give less than a damn? need to be her so bad!

user85: she's such a bitch? wtf? how can you stan her?

↪️ username11: like she said... she's speaking her truth

↪️ user85: for who? herself? she needs a new personality

↪️ username349: people like you are the reason why she is like this. iconic and real.

judebellingham: wow! 😍

username854: jude?? when did this happen?

↪️ user09: he commented on her latest pic!!

↪️ username032: could you imagine? jude with y/n? IT COUPLE?

↪️ user281: black cat gf x golden retreiver bf? OH YEAH

--- ꔫ ---

judebellingham & adidasfootball

liked by: realmadrid, lucasvasquez, brahim, camavinga, ynusername, adidasfootball, marca, vinijr, rodrygoes, fedevalverdde, 4,984,213 others.

judebellingham: tested my inner actor 🫡🫡 adidas predators out now 🖤

comments:

username395: bro wants y/n to notice her so bad

user11: we know what you're doing jude...

lucasvasquez: hermano mejor dedicate al futbol 🤣

camavinga: ohhh now i see who your referring too 👀🫡

↪️ judebellingham: shhh 🤫🤫

↪️ usermane66: @ynusername come get your man

↪️ username13: frr he keeps throwing hints, take this man out his misery, and teach him how to act 😭😭

vinijr: amazing bro! 😍

username29: testing his inner y/n lets not lie to ourselves guys

user87: he looks so bf with this hoodie on!!

brahim: this guy yeah 🤣🤣

adidasfootball: BELLIGOLLL

fedevalverde: someone give him an oscar 🗣️

username45: him using the black heart instead of white says a whole bunch…

--- ꔫ ---

judebellingham added to their stories!

ynusername sent a reply to your story!

↪️ selfie is making up for the attempted ''acting''

↪️ judereply: is it now?

↪️ terrible choice of hat tho, especially with this weather 👎

↪️ judereply: i tried LMAOOO

↪️but guess what? choice of song is also making it up 🫡

↪️ judereply: there's no denying there... definitely on my mind 24/7

↪️ who me? or the song? better be the song because your acting is still stuck in my head 😐😕

↪️ judereply: when i think we're going somewhere... 🤣🤣

↪️ lol, going where? 😕😕

↪️ judereply: yk what im referring too, don’t be so oblivious especially after your latest role!! congratulations on that btw! such a phenomenal job once again! 🤍

↪️ it's very hard to dislike you when you're this sweet 😕 thank you jude!! 🖤🖤

↪️ judereply: why would you dislike me?

↪️ now why would i tell you that

--- ꔫ ---

ynusername

liked by: judebellingham, jamalmusiala, yourbestfriend, spottedcelebrity, username984, user44, ynrealestfan, vogue, username23, judefanandstan, and 2,459,898 others!

ynusername: lace top was giving so 2014 vibes

comments:

username984: how does she rock every single outfit? i'm jealous.

user44: need that hair and makeup comba ASAP!! been asking for it for about a year now :))

judebellingham: still haven't told me why you dislike me 😕😕

ynstan: jude having his notifs on for her post is so bf of him, give him a chance y/n, he has money and can take you shopping ;)

judebellingham liked this comment!

username56: need those pants, where are they from?

yourbestfriend: why don't i get photo creds?

↪️ ynusername: because you took my chocolate churro away. i don't play around with my food.

jamalmusiala: 😍😍

ynusername: thank you!! 🖤

user10: LMFAOOOO NOOOO THIS IS GETTING MESSYYY

judebellingham: oh hell no

judefan: we lost him ladies, his gentle heart doesn't deserve this 👎👎

--- ꔫ ---

judebellingham sent you a dm!

so you respond to jamal's comment and not mine?

yourreply: idkk he is kindaaa 🤭🔐

i've literally have been trying for months to get your attention

yourreply: have you ever thought of maybe just giving up?

really?? what is it going to take?

yourreply: i don't mean to be a debbie downer but what is it you exactly want for me... i can't just trust your word and go for it. it's not me and it hasn't ever been me. i have standards.

so then let me prove to you i can meet them. i promise i'm not like you think or hear. and that's coming from a man who also has standards and just truly interested in someone like you. is that so hard to believe?

yourreply: yes.

i'll prove them to you, you'll see....

--- ꔫ ---

judebellingham added to their stories!

ynusername sent a reply to your story!

really?

judereply: yes really.

why do i even try with you?

judereply: because after today you have a soft spot for me in that deep jade like from victorious little heart :))

who said anything about a soft spot??

judereply: i did. the eyes chico they never lie. and yours have so many specs of unread feelings and emotions i can stare into them all day.

creepy, don't you think?

judereply: you think everything is creepy when you literally love horror movies and the color black

because they prove points xx

judereply: just like rom-come and disney movies also proved points 😉

--- ꔫ ---

spottedcelebreity

liked by: judebellingham, judefan1, ynstanforeal, ynrealestfan, username44, user55, jennaortega, popculture, madridwags, jude22, ynfanbcyes, username76, user21, and 3,872,234 others!

spottedcelebrity: new couple on the block? we are soo into this recent pair, and it seems like they are mending our hearts little by little! y/n recently moved to spain for a movie role, could we see frequent hangouts between them? 👀

comments:

jude22: literally WHAT?

jennaortega: oh i am so into this... i just sit back and observe

username44: despite us seeing a cold and black-hearted y/n, some of the videos released showed her being soft and lovergirl with him!!

madridwags: new wag at the bernabeu soon? 👀

popculture: rumor has it they shared a kiss!

↪️ spottedcelebrity: stay tuned for our live 7pm show tonight!

username76: am i the only one who doesn't ship them?

↪️ user21: yes you are

judebellingham: made her dream date come true!! 🤍

ynrealestfan: when he remembers stuff said in interviews about you <<<

username55: jude attempting to soft launch with y/n while still being in the friendzone is so hilarious i can't 😭😭

--- ꔫ ---

yourusername added to their stories!

judebellingham sent a reply to your story!

can't get over how beautiful you are, it's not fair 😍😍

yourreply: life is not fair

my life is since you agreed on our shopping date 🤷‍♂️

yourreply: only agreed because you offered to buy, a win is a win 😍

yet you're wearing the dress i bought... and going out where to be exact??

yourreply: jealous darling? it's for me to know and well you to find out out. if i don't tell my mother where i go, why would i tell you?

because you kissed and held my hand? and replied to my dm btw!!

yourreply: ...

where are you? i'll meet you there

yourreply: sorry no men invited tonight, it's our girls night out xx

and you're wearing this red stunning short dress? yeah i'll find out where you are, think of me 😘😘

seen twenty minutes ago **

--- ꔫ ---

spottedcelebrity & vogue

liked by: judebellingham, vogue, popculture, ynstanfan, girlpro, username34, user89, username15, ynrealestfan, yourbestfriend, jennaortega, and others!

spottedcelebrity: despite the recent encounter the pair of y/n and jude faced, in y/n new vogue beauty secrets video, she talks about being single and not dating anytime soon... the first picture shows y/n before her fame took off a year ago, has she changed or hasn't changed one bit?

comments:

ynrealestfan: not changed one bit!

popculture: ohh? well this is certainly very interesting!!

judebellingham: LMAOOO, she told me to stay out the room while she filmed? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

↪️ camavinga: if you all could see the frown on his face right now as he types 🤣🤣

ynusername: oh that's not... guys don't believe that man, all men do is lie lie lie! 😊😊

↪️ judebellingham: not all of us! some of us actually want something serious, real and loving in our life 🤍

username03: jude's comment just proves everything for us...

user54: jude wanting everyone to know about them knowing damn well how our girl y/n is

username33: off topic but we finally got that look everyone was talking about!!

judestan: she is not good for him? she is so mean and bitchy like what?

ynstanfan: girl bye. wdym? i think your golden retriever energy footballer can't bag a baddie like y/n xx

user13: well now i don't know who to believe...

username98: is no one going to talk about how she was watching a rom-com (jude’s fav) and not her typically horror movies?

--- ꔫ ---

ynusername

liked by: judebellingham, camavinga, yourbestfriend, username05: user51, ynrealestfan, ynstanforlife, jennaortega, username38, judefan5, popculture, vogue, and 2,786,899 others!

ynusername: oh i look so sexy in here!! 🤭😩 dinner showcase before new movie “the accountant” releases! this role means so much and i can’t wait for you to see! 🖤

comments:

ynrealestfan: did not have to slay this hard on us 🤭

judebellingham: caption did not lie, prettiest rose in the whole city 🤍

username38: i NEED to be her…

yourbestfriend: when she’s caught and knows it

↪️ yourusername: STOP 😭

limited restriction! **

--- ꔫ ---

judebellingham

liked by: vinijr, gioreyna, jobebellingham, ynusername, yourbestfriend, fedevalverde, brahmin, vogue, spottedcelebrity, camavinga, aurelientchouameni, and 5,679,999 others!

judebellingham: grateful with life and for you. words can’t describe this immense feeling i have for you and your hard work. i love you so much my dereast y/n. i can’t wait to celebrate more moments like this with you 🖤🤍

comments:

ynusername: brb… crying because ilysm 😔🖤

↪️ judebellingham: i love you darling, never forget it xx

camavinga: only took you two three months when we already knew

gioreyna: literally HOW?

jobebellingham: run when you can y/n

↪️ ynusername: trust me i tried but this one is not so bad

↪️ judebellingham: this one is crazy after i spoiled you again…

username79: jude you deserve the world, come to me

user20: can’t believe how he BAGGED y/n

judefan22: so happy for our girl!

yourbestfriend: we lost her ladies

↪️ ynusername: i’m still here babes 😭😭

ynrealestfan: these pictures?? can we talk about how he has good angles?? 😩

juderealestfan: she issss sooooooo gorgeoussss 🫦🫦

spottedcelebrity: congratulations! 🧡

--- ꔫ ---

ynusername

liked by: judebellingham, jennaortega, zendeya, gioreyna, yourbestfriend, vinijr, madridwags, spottedcelebrity, vogue, hbomovies, hudabeauty, camavinga, fedevalverde, brahim, and 6,459,653 others!

ynusername: life lately 🖤 (p.s. no one mess with my baby. i love him very much, unfortunately. in my lover girl era!!)

comments:

judebellingham: unfortunately?? :((

ynusername: come here, i’ll give you a kiss to make it feel better 🖤

↪️ judebellingham: on my way! picked up your favorite snacks and hot chocolate too 🤍

↪️ ynusername: changing my caption rn!! 😔🖤

jennaortega: 🖤

zendeya: OMGGGGGG HARD LAUNCH??

ynrealestfan: never saw this coming 🤭🤭

judefan22: they’re both in their lover eras 😣😣

camavinga: y/n if you could see how jude just sighed and looked up with the biggest grin 😭😂

↪️ ynusername: he is so silly 👎👎

yourbestfriend: it couple i can’t 😩

madridwags: so happy for you two 🤍

vogue: more to come with you two 🤍

--- ꔫ ---

spottedcelebrity

liked by: username55, user91, judebellingham, ynusername, jobebellingham, trentaa, gioreyna, username123, vogue, louisvuitton, user44, username72, jennaortega, user00, and 2,399,494 others!

spottedcelebrity: wow is one word to describe this couple and their ability to make our jaws drop! after recent real madrid footballer jude, posted pictures of his beautiful gf y/n on her birthday and congrats post, the couple poses together at the LV fashion paris show!

comments:

trentaa: ❤️

jennaortega: oh my god.

louisvuitton: what happens in paris…

judebellingham: look at my beautiful and sexy gf 🖤🤍

↪️ ynusername: still made at you for going shirtless and showing everyone what’s mine 😒😒

username53: i just spit out my food

user49: what an entrance they made???

user81: her dress?? SO Y/N CODED !!

ynrealestfan: our favorite and beautiful couple!!

judefan: jude listen to your gf next time

judefanacc: HE LOOKED SO DJJDJDJD

ynstanforlife: just sighed so loud 😔

username91: sexiest couple of the generation

--- ꔫ ---

[goldenpinof]

Speaking of. Do you remember phandom's reaction to DnP coming to Moscow? And DnP themselves feeling the need to go on "social media detox"? I can maybe understand DnP being paranoid.

But I remember seeing posts where russian fans (mainly teenagers at that point) were desperately trying to convince others that we also had lgbtq people and DnP weren't going to get hurt here. Like some people were actually mad they were coming here. Still makes me angry every time I think about it. Because in Moscow it really was fine. I realise that now, that back then it was fine. Phandom's reaction was cruel and uncalled for.

But then DnP were also probably the first ever western youtubers to come here. And even though I didn't go to the show, just the fact of them visiting still makes today's nightmare a bit more bearable and for that I will be forever grateful.

LATAM fans deserve to have something to look back to, it's simply unfair. I think we really should try and pressure DnP into adding more dates or at the very least addressing it. And for the love of god, people, at the very least you can stop being such assholes to others

detox, Dan taking his hoop earring off... it was all very.. strange and intense in a way that people expected something bad to happen, i guess. also, there were phannies who found out where dnp were staying in moscow (it wasn't hard tbh, so i'm not surprised at all), and also that meetup at the red square. and then on top of it all, some idiot brought ussr flag to m&g. ohh, and the venue's photographer took professional photos of the show and posted them before the tour was over. moscow was the only place that did that, if i remember correctly. it was such a huge no-no, lmao.

like, overall, moscow had a lot of questionable stuff going on, so i understand people's scepticism now and understood it back then. nothing really bad happened, but people were wired, and it wasn't based on nothing. it was before anti-lgbt laws became even worse, i think, but it wasn't perfect even back then.

looking at it now, we should have been questioning russia in 2018 as well. god, the world was stupid as fuck. 2008, 2014... right there, in front of our eyes. even i don't have a fucking excuse. ugh, anyway. they came, they took some pics, they fucked off. i'm glad it's over.

i'm sure it's not the answer you hoped for. i remember the concerns, i think i even answered a few of them back then. do i remember people being actually rude to those who went to the show in moscow? honestly, no. i could totally forget, though. those times, and especially that week, were crazy! i was trying to multitask with work, uni and phandom, AND travelling. never a good idea.

you know why it could be double fine in moscow during summer 2018? the World Cup and a lot of tourists. like, hundreds of thousands. even russian gov wouldn't oppress foreigners during the World Cup. not in 2018. when so much money was at stake.

Latam, Asia and, ideally, Africa deserve at least an acknowledgement. because realistically, almost any Latam or Asian country where dnp could actually go to has a bigger dnp audience than russia. like, i'm sorry (i'm not), but it's true, especially right now.

[27emailsicantsend]

I’ve been obsessively watching every new rina youtube edit that comes out and this has me spiraling. Ricky saying that finding the drama club is the best thing that’s ever happened to him — it literally gave him the love of his life. Also the emphasis of the principal telling Gina to find something she likes about this school and not to break it — it explains why Gina was so sad throughout all of 2A. She thought she had broken the only thing she liked, the only person who ever saw her. I feel like people say she dismissed her feelings for EJ really quickly but it really seems like she was just almost tricking herself into trying to imitate what she had with Ricky with the next person who seemingly cared or saw her. And it didn’t work out because as much as EJ showed her ample kindness in season2, he was never Ricky. Anyway, sorry for the long ask. It’s just crazy seeing compilations of so many small moments that really put everything in place. Just like Tim revealing there was a planned kiss at homecoming. The edit if you wanna see https://youtu.be/s_8SQVMrtko?si=O57f-GMuATdYWkzH

I just watched it and the little montage at the end was soooo 🥹🥹 ugh I don’t think I will ever love a ship as much as I love rina!!! And that’s exactly what I think happened with gina too! I know she was trying so hard to move on from ricky, but it’s obvious her feelings for him were still there deep into s2. She literally tells jack about her broken heart the same episode Elton shows up with crusty granola bar. But how do you move on from the best thing you ever had? You don’t. Gina never asked for the hat back from ricky. That is all the evidence I need that she still held onto some hope that he would come back around. But like ricky trying to replace gina with lily, it’s just not the same and both of them knew it. That’s why it’s so interesting gina used the same wording from her break up speech with ej in her confessional to ricky. She wanted ej to make her feel like a “yes”. She wanted that constant… because it’s what she had with ricky. But ricky isn’t just the guy who shows up (something EJ made very clear he is), ricky is the guy who stays around. He was everything ej was and more. Like you said, EJ tried s2 and I won’t discredit that, but he’s not ricky in the end.

And that 4x06 flashback changed everything imo. Every scene I watch for rina is so different now with that in mind. The homecoming fight, gina holding so tight to ricky s1, how ricky was able to let his guard down so easily around gina (and vice-versa), Gina’s earnest attempts at getting nini kicked from the show so she could be gabriella… I could go on and on, but it added a completely different layer to every rina interaction.

It’s no wonder we all start spiraling when we think about this stuff, because it’s meant to! The meta literally feels like it never ends. It’s amazing how in depth and thought out this ship really is. That’s why I said earlier I don’t think I will ever love a couple as much as I love them. I’ve never seen two characters more perfectly crafted to be together. They’re actually soul mates.

[cora626]

Pleasantview Let’s Play Ch. 1 Ep. 5

***Update Ugh Sorry Guys, I loaded this for when YouTube was supposed to be finished but for some reason it is taking foooorrrreeevvvverrr! Please pardon the technical difficulty.

This Episode covers Nina Caliente and how she is getting along without her sister who is now married to Mortimer Goth. Will she become a spinster and just comb Pleasantview looking for love or will she just focus on her career and making those Simoleans, it's a slow start for Nina as she has not given up Don, even though he was spoken for previously. She has also added the hottie from Bluewater Village to her dating rotation, will he keep her attention or will Don swoop in for the kill?

[my-castles-crumbling]

tips for a first date?

it’s my first time ever going on a date (on sunday!). for context, i’m a freshman in college (idk if that’s relevant or helpful, but just in case). i’m nervous cuz i’m a lesbian and my parents aren’t super supportive. i’m having a hard time getting their voices out of my head, added with the usual nerves of going on a first date :/ and i don’t feel like i’m very good at socializing though i’ve gotten a lot better over the years

i went on youtube looking up advice videos but i don’t want to spend hours doing that out of nerves 😅

you seem to give great advice tho, so i wanted to ask

Ahhhhh! This is so exciting!

Okay so first, make sure to be safe: send your location to a friend and text someone before leaving and coming back. Even though this person is a girl, better safe than sorry.

Second, I would say in a very cliche way: be yourself. Don’t get caught up in lying or faking to try to be impressive. If she says she likes something you don’t like, or that you don’t know what it is, be honest! Going along with that, make sure to ask questions about her- but more than just her favorite color. Try for something a bit deeper, but nothing traumatic. Like, what’s her major and what does she want to do with it? Does she want to focus on a career or traveling or a family?

Also, it’s okay to tell her you’re nervous. Honestly, it shows that you care and the date is important to you. Better to say you’re nervous than come off like you don’t give a shit. If there’s an awkward silence or one of you trips over nothing, make a joke! Be like, “ugh, can you see how nervous I am?”

Next, since this is a queer date, remember that dating ‘rules’ don’t really apply. Bring her a flower if you want, or offer to pay for the meal if she pays for dessert. Open her door and let her pull out your chair if she wants 😀

Last, remember not to do anything you don’t want to do. On my first date with my wife, we didn’t even kiss. So if you want to bring her back to your place, have at it! But also don’t feel pressured to do anything you’re not ready for or to initiate if you don’t want to. Things will happen if and when you’re both ready.

Also please keep me updated because now I’m emotionally invested.

(Also I am naming you dating anon in case you write back)

[catras-breakup-song]

do you happen to have catra/adora playlists that you're willing to share? be it separate/together, songs that they would listen to, songs that are them/similar to them, or just feel like catradora somewhat?

ugh, i'm sorry, but i do not. i don't use spotify and the closest thing i've got is AMVs on youtube, but i never thought to organize those into a playlist or anything. i hate to let you down anon but this is probably for the best anyway considering i would be adding pretty much every other song i might hear at any given time and the list would become practically infinite!

being a catradora stan is thinking "wow this is so catradora-coded, i can't believe [artist] wrote a whole song for them" over and over again and again...

[femmmie]

Oops I accidentally posted this ask prematurely w only the outline lol SORRY@! But yeah so here it goes!!

The Most Special Person

"Sure you're going home?"

"Yeah, I have pilates in the morning."

"Who are you and what have you done to Ian?"

"Shut up!"

"Ah, there he is!"

"Bye."

"Bye."

"So who is ready to continue this party?!"

"Nah, I gotta go home to my dog."

"I need my beauty sleep."

"But you're already so pretty, Keith! But YOU Noah, you look like you need some sleep hahahaha"

"Okay alright okay, I see how it is! Just kidding, I was already going home. Bye guys."

"Sleep well princess!"

"I guess it's only the three of us now!"

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care I just want to continue this party!"

"Alright we'll take you some place special!"

The voices and sounds around Anthony began to blur. He'd drunk quite alot already this evening at the grand Smosh get together they threw every couple of months. Tonight was extra special as Smosh had hit a new subscriber record.

The three musketeers, Anthony, Tommy, and Chanse, were the only ones left, as they usually were. They would often go to a cocktail bar until the early morning, but today, Tommy had a different plan. Pretty drunk himself, he led the lads to one of the most iconic gay bars of Hollywood, Micky's. The stately building and beautiful interior were accentuated by the lounge music, loud enough to compliment the atmosphere but low enough so they could hear each other talk.

"Wow, you're taking us to Mickey's you wild boy," Chanse giggled.

"What better way to end the night than with hot guys and even hotter cocktails?!" Tommy greeted the bartender. The guy hugged him and gave him a little wink to boot.

"This is not my first gay bar, by the way!" Anthony lied. Ugh, why did he still have anxiety even when this intoxicated?

"Oh well, then you know the rules! Show your dick and you get a free drink!" Tommy joked. Anthony looked like he was gonna do it though so he quickly added "just kidding BRO! You're obviously new to this kind of bar, bless you. It's just like any bar. But gay!"

"Ahh okay."

Anthony felt a little bit awkward. He loved his fellow musketeers, but he wasn't often around this many gay guys. He felt like people looked at him like he didn't belong here. He honestly didn't - he'd experimented with his sexuality years ago but found that a male body just didn't excite him sexually. A female body, however... so he wasn't gay. At least not sexually..

In the corner opposite Anthony, he saw a big, beautiful drag queen. Her hair silver, her makeup grandiose, and her dress sparkling and green. She wore boots so high that Anthony wasn't sure how she could ever walk in those. Somehow, he felt drawn to her, she looked friendly and exuded a motherly vibe.

Anthony walked up to her and said, "Good day, milady, so what brings a beautiful queen like yourself to a bar? Surely you already have a husband or at least a sugar daddy somewhere to take care of you?" To be honest, those words all blurred and slurred over each other, and he wasn't sure if she'd heard anything he said.

The drag queen laughed a beautiful hearty laugh and answered "why what a blessing to have such a striking young fellow visit here of all places. I feel like I know you from somewhere? My name is Dolly Brightheart, what's yours?"

"Anthony's the name, drinking is the game! At least tonight," he blundered on. Luckily Dolly didn't judge him for his cringey words.

"I am afraid that I am indeed already taken, sweet boy. But tell me, truly, what brings YOU here? You don't strike me as a guy who comes here often?"

"My friends took me here, we're celebrating my - our - youtube channel. It hit 30 million subscribers last month. You know, I started that channel in 2005 with my best friend Ian! Ian Hecox, yeah, he's the more outgoing one of us. But he's not here tonight he has pilates in the morning. Can you believe it? And so Tommy and Chanse took me here, and here I am!"

"Well, that sounds like quite a channel you have built, congratulations! Let me pour you a drink." She poured Anthony a glass of water but he didn't notice and drank it all in one gulp.

"Yeah, I am quite a big deal in the youtube world you know, our channel Smosh is loved by people all around the world! But well, running it as two seventeen year olds, that was pretty hard to do you know? So we sold our channel to this dickhead company, excuse my French! They didn't even pay us with real money but with stock that turned out to be worth zero dollars."

Dolly shook her head slowly. "Those scallywags. So what happened then?"

"Well, Dolly, slowly but surely the company took everything from me. My passion, my time, my best friend... I left Smosh. I lost so many years. But I'm not even mad right now because the story has a happy ending! Wanna know what it is?"

Dolly nodded, smiling to one side of her gorgeous face. Anthony looked around but didn't Tommy and Chanse anywhere. He was having a good time though, so he continued to talk to Dolly.

"So I went on a journey to find myself ya know, I built my own individual youtube channel, it's doing pretty well. And I interview all kinds of people, different sexualities, I also interviewed drag queens as wel! So yeah once I regained my confidence, I was more open to talk to Ian again. We'd not been friends for so many years but Ian, Ian is such a big part of my life.. he is like the sun, you know. He's my other half, professionally speaking. He's extremely like, extremely creative and comes up with these incredible ideas that I'm like?? You're a genius Ian!! And he doesn't even realize how amazing his ideas are. And that's not all. So we reconnected, right? And then Ian asked me if I wanted to buy back smosh, our own company and channel, together! Isn't that amazing?"

"This Ian sounds like a very special person," Dolly said, sipping her own drink.

"He is, he's the most special person in my life..." and then it hit Anthony. Ian WAS the most special to him in his life. Not in a sexual way maybe, but in a romantic way? Possibly?

"And so we did, and that's why we make it a point to celebrate well and often," Anthony said, smiling at Dolly. She smiled back.

"Do you tell him that, darling? That he's that special to you?"

"I try to. I try to.." Anthony slowly blinked. "Dolly, thank you for listening, it's been wonderful but I have to go call a Uber."

He gave an awkward bending-down hug to Dolly but she didn't mind and told him farewell. "Damn, Jon was right all along," Anthony thought to himself.

"Hey, where are you?" - a text message from Tommy.

"I'm heading home, I have pilates in the morning."

"Sure, Jan."

"Shut up."

"Good night."

"Good night."

[tutuandscoot]

Ugh that shot that Danielle captured from nationals is beautiful but I love worlds. I love the impatience and possessiveness exuding from Scott and then there’s Tessa looking like she’s ready to turn him into a complete wreck 👌👌👌

I knowww 😩😩😩

They both came up on Pinterest the other day and I’m like: ‘you know what, this moment is amazing- yay them for being this raw and vulnerable, and I’d love to know which take on it we all each love’.

I love them both but the picture specifically of the worlds one is one of my fave pics ever..

I love the first one from nationals bc if you zoom in on the picture he has this look in his eyes that I read as kinda apologetic/ troubled this is happening- like behind his eyes in that split second it’s like ‘it’s ok T, it’s just me’ but in the gif and the video it’s so unexpected the way he goes right into her face so aggressively AS IF he’s gonna bite or spit on her, and based on the way she looks down I kinda think it was unexpected to her and he just did it that way in the moment. I love that Idea that they were so comfortable and had this incomprehensible amount of trust in each other that they could do more unexpected things mid program- in Carmen they could kinda scare eachother a bit then in a gentler program they added in kisses and caresses randomly.

The worlds version is amazing and gives me chills, especially her sadistic smile as he grabs her tighter.. the way he doesn’t just stop but melts further into her and does like a roll through his body..

I forgot to mention this the last time I went on a rave about Carmen, but there’s a full video of this FD comp on YouTube with Czech commentary, and I think I mentioned that CL from🇮🇹 went next after VM and also did Carmen. They have a “comparable” moment at the beginning of their program, and once again this is not a hate on other teams but just to outline what makes VM as good as they are, is CL’s is such a cringe moment, they look so uncomfortable and it feels like they aren’t in character/are gonna laugh/break focus bc they aren’t in the story..

Without saying stuff I don’t feel comfortable saying publicly on the internet, VM went for it and weren’t afraid to imply what it’s implying.. the whole back story to their Carmen was this obsession with sex and their characters can’t control their urges, acting on primal instinct instead of using thought and reason.. so that’s what this moment (esp the worlds one) screams to me, they just let go of any fear of embarrassment or any connection to their relation to each other off the ice, any fear of judgement of who’s watching them and become these characters and act on instinct.. it’s amazing and gives me chills and makes me think about how amazing they are to be able to let go of anyone/anything outside of the story they are in. Sorry this wasn’t meant to end with another “that’s why VM are the best” thing.. but seriously show me anyone else that can to what they do. Who else can you take a 2 second moment of a program and breakdown everything about how incredible it is..

[hannahhook7744]

Hook Siblings Incorrect Quotes Part 1;

Peter, Hookling/Baby Hook, Hope, and Ally have been added.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Hannah: Harry, I swear to God, if you call me Short stuff one more time I will take that hook and shove it so far up your ass—

Harriet: HANNAH!

Hannah: Sorry 'Ettie.

Hannah: up your Arse—

Harriet: Hannah!

Hannah *running away* sorry not sorry!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Hannah: Okay, that's it! I'm stabbing and snitching on the next person who tries to kill me!

Harry:...

CJ:....

Ginny:....

Hannah: yes, even you three! I will snitch straight to dad! And Grandma! And Harriet!

Harry: Dang, that's cold Vato...

Hannah: and trying to kill me isn't?!

CJ: It was an accident!

Ginny: Okay, fair.

Harry: I was just trying to blind you!

Hannah: That's not better, Harry!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harry: I'm taller than you!

Hannah: I'm smarter!

Harry: I'm funnier than you!

Hannah: Debatable.

Harry: I'm better at flirting than you!

Hannah: Alright. I'll let you have that one.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

*GAME NIGHT*

Harriet: Everyone is to try and answer a question about each teammate. If you get it wrong, you take a shot.

Harriet: Now... Guess my first word!

Ginny: Dagger!

Harry: Hook!

Cj: Bayonet!

Hannah: Treasure!

Harriet:...

Harriet: Guys, I was a baby. My first word was mama.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Ginny: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need!

Cj: To the city?

Ginny: Yeah, no matter what!

Hannah: Well-How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?

Ginny: I... I don't know!

Harriet: Oh come off it, be serious!

Ginny: I am serious!

Harriet: You're insane!

Harry: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved!

Everyone:...

Ginny: What???

Harry: Or maybe it was a basset hound!

Harriet, panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Hannah, watching tv: NO NO NO! BABY, NO! YOU'RE ONLY 21! YOU SHOULD NOT BE DATING SOMEONE A YEAR YOUNGER THAN YOUR MAMA!

Harry: ESPECIALLY AFTER SHE TALKED TO YOUR MAMA LIKE THAT!

Cj: DUMP HER ASS!

Ginny *just sitting on the couch*

( Harriet in the hallway)

Harriet: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU 4 WATCHING?!

Ginny: Reddit stories.

Harriet: That's it! No more YouTube! *unplugs the tv*

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

*Harry, Cj, and Hannah trying to make cookies*

Cj *holding a bowl of butter* Maybe we can just put the whole thing in the microwave? Just for a second?

Hannah *sitting on the counter, kicking her legs* Great idea, Cj!

Harry *eyeing the bowl* We are not putting a metal bowl in the microwave, guys. That's how burning the house down happens. And I am not getting in trouble with Harriet and Ginny for that again!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harriet: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Harry: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Cj: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Hannah: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harriet *Gently taps table*

Harry *Taps back*

Cj: What are they doing?

Hannah: Morse code.

Harriet *Aggressively taps table*

Harry *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harriet: Have you seen Harry around the isle lately?

Cj: Ugh, yes. He made a horrible mess of the blood fountain.

Hannah: It looks fine to me?

Cj: IT USED TO BE WATER!!!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harriet age 6, about Hannah: Apparently we're getting someone new in the family.

Harry age 3: Are we stealing them?

Cj age 1: New or used?

Harriet: Wonderful responses, both of you.

Ginny, also 6: And Harry's right.

Harriet: GINNY!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Cj: Why are you on the floor?

Harry: I'm depressed.

Harry: Also I was stabbed, can you get Harriet, please.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harriet: Tell Hannah about the birds and the bees.

Harry: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harry: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Cj: How am I supposed to know?

Hannah: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Cj *sighs*

Cj: You wouldn't be trapped.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harriet: If you had to choose between Hannah and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Cj: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Hannah: Cj!

Harriet: 63 cents.

Cj: I'll take the money.

Hannah: CJ!!!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Cj: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste

Harry: We got spring water.

Cj: NO.

Hannah: with EXTRA minerals.

Harry: it's like licking a stalagmite.

Cj: DON'T COME HOME.

Hannah: Mmmmm cave water.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Cj: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

Harry, amazed: Wow...

Hannah, to Harry: Well what does that mean?

Harry: I don't know.

Harry, to Cj: What does that mean?

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Ginny: I told Harry their ears flush when they lie.

Harriet: Why?

Ginny: Look.

Ginny: Hey Harry! Do you love us?

Harry, covering their ears: No.

Harriet:...

Hannah: Hey Harry do you love Uma-

Harry *runs off still covering his ears* No!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harriet: Care for another sundae, weenie?

Cj: I am not a weenie!

Hannah: Relax, you’re among friends. *raises their drink*

Cj: My friends don’t hang out at Weenie Hut Jr’s.

Ginny: You tell ‘em, Cj! *sips their drink*

Cj: Ginny, what’re you doing here?

Ginny: I’m always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Hannah: Top 30 reasons why Hannah is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!

Cj: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harriet: Okay, truth or dare?

Hannah: Truth

Harriet: How many hours have you slept this week?

Hannah:

Hannah: ...Dare

Harriet: Go to bed.

Hannah: I don’t like this game.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Cj: Here's some advice.

Harriet: I didn't ask for any.

Cj: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me.

Hannah: She's got you there. This is your fault-

Harriet: I thought I told you to go to bed?

Hannah: Don't tell me how to live my life!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Ginny: I can explain.

Harriet: Can you?

Ginny: If you give me thiry minutes to think of a lie, I can.

Hannah: it would take you longer than that *snorts*

Ginny: WHY YOU LITTLE-

Harriet: GINNY!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harry: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!

Harriet: Mind your language!

Harry: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Harriet:

Harry: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Hannah: or you could swear in a language she doesn't know.

Harriet: HANNAH!

Hannah: I'm the baby you can't get mad at me.

Harry: You know what? I think I'll do that-

Harriet: HARRY!

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Hannah: So what do you do?

Harry: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers.

Hannah: Wow, impressive.

Harry: Then I'll move on to Leos.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Cj *blowing stuff up with Zevon, Freddie, and Ally in the bathroom*

Ginny and Clay Clayton *off somewhere traumatizing some poor wedding guest*

Anthony and Luke *arguing over who looks better*

Stormbringer crew *causing choas*

Peter *fighting with Hook while Mama Hook, Qurrin, and Captain try to stop them*

Little Hope and Baby Hook-Hook *eating the flowers*

(And so on for the guests).

Hannah *stuffing her face with spicy chicken sandwiches *

Harriet *leans over to Haul* are you really sure this is the one you want to marry?

Haul *mesmerized * yep.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harry: YOU'RE A TRAITOR AND JUST LIKE ACTING LIKE YOU'RE BETTER THAN US. AS IF YOU'RE SOME KIND OF PRINCESS! WELL, YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE JUST A FREAKIKG POSER! A DISGRACE! MUCKING AROUND WITH THOSE BORE-A-DON BRATS! YOU AREN'T MY SISTER!

Hannah: YEAH, WELL FRICK YOU! I DON'T NEED YOU! AS LONG AS I HAVE MY CREW I'M FINE! THOSE BORE-A-DON BRATS ARE COOLER THAN YOU ANYWAY!

Harry, offended: THEY ARE NOT, TAKE THAT BACK!

Hannah: I'LL TAKE IT BACK WHEN YOU GET SOME SENSE AND YOU'RE OWN PERSONALITY!

Harry: WHY YOU LITTLE—

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

*After Hannah ran away*

*Peter is comforting Ally*

Peter: Stop crying because it’s over. Start smiling because Hannah is someone else’s problem now.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Hannah: How do Ally and CJ usually get out of these messes?

Peter: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

Hannah: Damn.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*

Hannah, Little Hope, and Hookling *spinning a little and talking*

CJ, Ally, and Peter *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Hannah: A mouse!

Hookling, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.

Ally, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!

Little Hope, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.

Peter, gasping: It's Ratatouille!

CJ: His name is Remi, dumbass.

Hannah: ...I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Hannah: Which way did Hookling go?

Little Hope: Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd guess they went left.

Hannah: You could really figure it out from that?

Little Hope: No, you idiot, Hookling sent me a text. See?

Hannah *grumbling* kids these days. When I was your age-

Little Hope: What? Like a million years ago?

Hannah: I'm only 16 years older than you!

[huffle-dork]

Alright, I cave. How do I get into The Magnus Archives?

It’s actually really easy! Just look for the Magnus archives on any podcast listening site! I personally used Spotify but beware even with premium there’s ad reads- my friends listen on YouTube though and I think it’s ad free there!

So TMA is a podcast but it’s different from any I’ve listened to cuz god it’s just so good! It starts off with spooky stories that all stand alone with only the narrator connecting them (which is Jon sims! The main character!) but then names get repeated and suddenly there’s interruptions during the recordings and GOD it’s SO GOOD!!! It seems like a lot of episodes but god the story just pulls you in and there’s amazing world building! It does take a bit to get to said world building but it’s worth it!! So many cool characters and the sound scaping and voice acting is amazing!!

I burned through it in less than a month cuz I could listen for like 5 hours at a time at work so like 10 episodes- but now I’m out of things to listen to so I honestly might start again XD it’s that good! And UGH the writer Jonny sims is a fantastic writer it’s just so so good sorry I’m gushing but Aigh! Trust me it’s worth getting into!

[handmedownpocketpussy]

I recognise that in my line of work outside of doing online classes we don't use much technology, but i didn't realise just how little i observe others using computers until my boss made a PowerPoint for everyone and one slide was for a youtube video

She opened bog standard chrome

Sat through two unskippable ads, watched the video (with ads in the middle), and said "ugh you know how it is" when the next video auto played

No i don't know how it is, sorry, what?

Young people and old people's complacency and acceptance of autoplay terrifies me if I'm finished a video and another begins playing THAT I DIDN'T CHOOSE I'm already loading my gun