#UGH SO MANY EMOTIONS ABOUT THEM
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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When Keith says he'd break the world in half to protect him, Lance says he'd put it back together for him.
Out of all the Universes they got to know, the other is still closest to home.
Prints on pre-order -> linktr.ee/mezzy
#klance#laith#lance voltron#keith voltron#voltron legendary defender#DO YOU Know how many notes i have on my phone that sound like halfassed love poems about how they exist#too many#though my currently fav one was not about them#but the series about 30 things Lance loves about Keith from Lances POV comes pretty close#ugh i feel them so intensely sometimes that if emotions could cut id gordian knot fix the world#no cap#the power of projection in fictional worlds is wild
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it's been over a week but i legit haven't stopped thinking about this
#because i think it doesn't just apply to book publishing but really any kind of writing#including fanfiction#especially in current fandom times when everything feels just so fast paced#and it's SO easy to fall into this whole mindset of believing you gotta keep up with this pace#a lot of smart people have said a lot of smart things about the current state of fandom and i won't fall into a rant here#but i too often have to remind myself that me writing is supposed to be fun and not a fucking race#that i'm not competing with anyone#that i'm not creating 'content' to be consumed like some fast food#that there's no such thing as a flop fic if it was written with love and drive behind it#and yeah the jealousy man#it's an ugly feeling no matter which end you're on#comparison is a knife which we inevitably walk into#i love my writer friends to death and i will always always always cheer for them bc no one else will get this#but we're all just humans with very real and sometimes ugly emotions and i wish we could talk about this more openly#at the end of the day we want to be seen and acknowledged and we're our very own worst critics#ugh i have too many thoughts about this all#i need to lie down and feel normal again#lale.txt
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22 days until ode's 22nd birthday
day 22 aka THE COUNTDOWN IS OVER - ode's past birthday brrrr ppoppos
#xdinary heroes#ode#oh seungmin#jungsu#jooyeon#gaon#junhan#jun han#gunil#kim jungsu#lee jooyeon#kwak jiseok#han hyeongjun#goo gunil#ode22#forfreddy#IT'S BIRTHDAY TIME! (scheduling this for midnight korean time again) (i hope we're getting many more brr ppoppos this year!)#happy birthday seungmin!! hope he's having a good time ♥#he's such a sweet and considerate guy. ugh the fact that he often cries when it's time to say goodbye?? relatable king but also SO SWEET#and ugh it's such an interesting contrast - the icy guy who leaves such a cold first impression seems to be so emotional. he cares a lot an#when i was at their concert there were two instances (i tried to keep it general rn but i just remembered this is kinda the personal part..#one time he was on the verge of tears - he just looked at the crowd and he was about to cry and UGH i wanted to climb up there and hug him#he was just so overwhelmed with seeing all these people supporting him and his band and UGH it's pretty nice to stan a band that appreciate#when you realize it actually MEANS something to them#the other instance was... at some point he asked us to take a step back. and i was wondering what the next step was going to be - jumping o#but he didn't add anything. he just wanted us to get more space so we'd be safer. and UGH it wasn't even necessary it wasn't super stuffed#and there was no immediate danger. there was no need to act but still he cared about us and he wanted us to be comfortable and safe#and that's super sweet and i think that's the kind of person he is. very considerate very sentimental. and that's amazing ♥
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#so my mom's wake thing was today and that was a lot. not in an emotional sense but in a im standing here talking for 3hrs#to ppl i dont kno or barely kno. ya kno? but it was good bc so many ppl showed up to talk abt her#so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their#master. for one person to specilize in helping the dyslexic after her experience advocating for 3 dyslexic daughters. she wrote and was#awarded a 10000 dollar grant for special needs and intervention curriculum. which will affect so many lives.#everyone loved her. she's gonna get a track meet named after her and a scholarship created in her honor.#she was an amazing person and she affected a lot of lives and im glad she was my mom. and she raised at least one jem in my littlest#sister who is so sweet and is a great teacher. god but there was some weird stuff too. were pretty sure her old boss was in love with her.#and there were some weird comments abt her being a strong woman or this woman doing so much and its like hm y do i detect a note of sexism#y not say she was an amazing person? y the surprise? weird comments about how pretty i looked. which yes i looked great lol. my funeral fit#was cute. we did bright colors bc it was a celebration not a dower event. and im sure it was ment well but it was a lil weird. and then#everyone was telling my grandma what a great job she did raising my mom and like god fuck off she didn't do jack. my mom was great despite#her terrible mother. ugh. but altogether it was good that everyone was able to express their love for her. it was def a day that was for#them mostly. i mean partly for us but mostly for them. none of us even cried. ay but we have 2 more parties in her honor#bc everyone loved her so much we have to do one in her hometown too. plus a personal friends get together. ugh. im so tired#i wish i wasnt the most awkward. eye contact avoidant person in the room but like ya kno. what can ya do?#unrelated
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one year ago today i was in paris @ accor arena and am were about to come on stage marking the very first time i saw them live 💔 i genuinely get so emotional every time i think back to that night and to my lil paris trip. i miss them so much
#i was living in france at the time and over the months prior to the concert there had been so many strikes i was SO worried my train >#> to paris was going to be cancelled bc they were doing that a lot i was even ready to jump on the first flixbus and travel 8h+ overnight >#> just to get there in time. but thank god in the end everything went fine#i didnt allow myself to realise it was actually happening and i was actually about to see them until i was SEATED on that train and omw#and then i got the True Experience ™️ listening to taotu while travelling through the french countryside#and the concert was insane but that goes without saying. it was such a magical night#and i also fell in love with paris. miss her too#UGH i'm sorry i'm just so nostalgic and emotional tonight bear with me </3#ramblings#arctic monkeys#accor arena night 1#my show#💖💖💖
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i am officially, FINALLY all caught up again in both the manga and the anime for bsd and OH BOY there are thoughts and opinions but also WHO CARES because my tags are finally FREE to be unfiltered
#hnnnnnn#i am SO happy#i am BEYOND happy#i love the arc even if i complain about it a lot#but i am also hnnnnnn…….displeased……..with a few things#the anime fr about to catch these hands#i already KNEW they were rushing it from the few episodes i had watched#but the anime is usually SO good at pacing#that i fully trusted that certain things would be slowed down for significance/impact/etc#but instead the pacing just stayed WAY too fast for me#and they ended up cutting SO many small moments that had SO much importance like im going crazy about some of them#some of the lines they cut…….#or even adjusted slightly that it drew away the impact#ugh i KNOW there was a LOT to balance and a LOT of content to get through#but i am a little disappointed that so many emotional scenes were what ended up suffering for it#this is why i don’t usually like reading the manga for animes i watch#i always end up getting disappointed by the limitations of adaptations#that being said though regardless of general limitations i don’t think some of the rushing is above criticism#and i am going to go and eat glass while seething over the particularly offensive rushing/cuts😤#OKAY DONE that’s the last i’ll say about it i would just go crazy if i didn’t vocalize it somewhere#in general i was VERY happy with the arc in both the manga and the anime i have SO much love for it#definitely a favorite for me#and THAT concludes my very vague no spoiler review#i swear one of these days my self control is going to snap#and im just going to start posting my full essays and content analysis shit about everything i watch here#but for now we’re safe and all my rants will stay spoiler free tag paragraphs instead godbless🙏
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maybe the reason im so upset about it isnt cuz she broke up wme but because all that waiting over the summer just feels so worthelss now. like i know we couldnt talk as much or be around each other as much but i was waitingall summer like when we get back all we'll do is be together!!!! all of the 'new relationship syndrome especially now that its long distance' stuff will be fixed when we get back!! but were over and theres no chanec of fixing it because were over and its just like what if we waited what if we just figured it out for another few weeksand see where it went form there
#its not just that its also cuz she knew she wouldnt have a lot oftiem in the semester & also shes entitled to her experiences but its like#all summer we talked aboutall the things wed do together whenwe got back to campus so its like#all of that imagining is going to waste you know. and it makes me really really sad#cuz we had so many plans only for all of them to go in the air a week before school starts#and i guess i feel let down about all of it (which isnt her fault) because why did we say all that only for us to break up :(#and she told me breaking up was something sehd only recently started thinking about so its like#the emotional part of me is wondering why cant we just wait it out for a few weeks and find out of this is really worth saving you know#cuz it just feels so sudden like we werent meant to end just yet#it doesnt feel right. like we literally only just started you know#and she said she didnt feel like dragging me along whiel she figured shit out#which is kind btu i guess to me its like i would prefer being dragged along because at least then ill start to feel the pain of it too#cuz where we are right now i didnt even feel any sort of weirdness i thought everything was going so well#like id rather break up when i do feel something bad#not BEFORE i feel something bad you know???#but also its more than just about that. like she told me that she felt werid and i dont think she would have broken up with me for no reaso#like im sure she did it becuase she felt right about it and im not mad at her about it#im just really really sad cuz i really thought we were doing so good. like just last week she was saying how much she missedme#sorry ugh i know im ranting so much about it but i dont feel like bringing this up with my friends yet cuz its just so embarrinsg being lik#hey so you know how totally obsessed we were with each other. well we broke up not even 5 months later haha so embarrsing#like it all just feels like... what did we do all that for!!! what did we spend all summer telling each other we loved each other for!#but again just cuz i didnt feel like it was the end doesnt mean she didn't. she did say she felt werid but ughhhh i dont fucking know#im just really surprised and sad about it
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youtube
Fan video for the episode "Arabesque" from the 80s TV show Beauty and the Beast
#beauty and the beast 80s#{this video shows some important parts of the ep and the description the poster wrote is useful for those who haven't seen it at all}#{this episode was one of the rougher ones for me for sure}#{because there are no two ways about it... vincent definitely assaulted lisa}#{and it was so out of character for him but it also fit so well with these instincts he sometimes can't control}#{this was one of those times where you couldn't quite feel as sorry for him as you wanted to because... nah dude what you did was wrong}#{but at the same time it was such a deviance from his normal behavior}#{and lisa's behavior was odd as well}#{she seemed to like vincent's attention and to keep him interested but didn't have the same feelings for him and kept him at arm's length}#{which was kindof cruel to keep stringing him along}#{then she came back years later as if nothing had happened and everything was the same between them while he's actively keeping distance}#{i honestly found that as uncomfortable as what he did to her}#{lisa was a weird chick for me i dunno heh}#{but regardless... the way vincent internalized this incident and let it define him as a person for so many years was heartbreaking}#{the way he steps back away from lisa in that one scene starting at 2:24... ugh my heart... he's trying so hard not to repeat his past}#{i love that healing moment when he's finally telling catherine about this shame he's held for years}#{and she responds with no fear and no judgement... just encouragement and love... kissing his hands that he feels can give only pain}#{and she says “these are *my* hands” as she holds his in hers... MY HEART}#{an emotional rollercoaster this ep was heh}
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Season 3 had so much focus on Little My and how she grapples with the concept of family and the kind of love and attention she needs I’m so heckin proud of this little lady!!
One thing that I’ve always admired about Little My is how her character in all adaptations follows that unbreakable aspect of her. She always seems unbothered no matter the situation and is able to carry herself and push through each problem with grace and a grin. But I love that Moominvalley goes deeper into her character in believable avenues like ‘who is her father and why does it matter to her?’, ‘what is family really like for a girl who grew up having to be the worst of her many siblings just to stand out?’, ‘what happens when she finally receives the love and attention she so desperately needed?’.
This unbreakable title is something she’s had to build for herself after growing up feeling like she doesn’t matter enough for undivided love and attention. She tells herself to assume the worst so the worst doesn’t surprise her. It’s all so very sad, but very simple, Little My has been hurt many times by the family she’s grown up with and she’s only just now learning to let her new family chip away at her walls, and I’m so so so proud of her!
I feel like this season gave her HUGE steps with being at peace with herself, her family, and her upbringing. The Moomins have taught her so much about patience and kindness that she did something I don’t think I would’ve expected from her in an earlier episode of the series: she forgave her mother for who she is--for how she raises her children, and I can’t imagine how much she toiled with her feelings ever since her mother left the first time. The Moomins have shown her time and time again that she is truly loved and a part of their family, that kindness and patience provides the absolute best results as opposed to violence and allowing anger to keep a tight hold on your actions, and all of this has allowed her to find some peace and common ground with her mother.
I’m so overcome with emotions y’all, she’s so loved by her found family and she’s making so many positive strides I’ve cried 3 times already I love her so much. ;A;
#So many good versions of Little My but they never get as deep as Moominvalley has#There's so much I wanna talk about like#WHY DOES SHE HAVE A WINTER CAVE??#Did anyone else notice that both her and her brother have their own winter caves and with paintings/drawings on the walls?#OH THAT EPISODE#WE GOT TO SEE HOW THE TWO OF THEM DEAL WITH THEIR ALONE TIMES#Little My feels the loneliness stronger than her brother does it's so evident that she wants to be wanted#but she feels like no one ACTUALLY wants her around so that's why she forces herself into everyone's adventures#because otherwise she thinks 'who would invite me if I didn't invite myself?'#UGH SORRY#I'm so emotional about her#Little My#pikku myy#Lilla Myy#moomins#moominvalley#moominvalley s3 spoilers
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huh. not super sure how i feel about this :')
#so they're just...back?#i truly did not think they would come back lmao#many emotions about it! need to process#because like....they filled up so much of my head and heart for years#like probably a solid 4 years of no other fandom being able to come close#and then finally something broke through (yay football lmao)#and the space for them in my heart gradually lessened#until events really slammed it shut against them#and then context and nostalgia made some space for them again#but it is a very cautious and weary space because like#they still did some shit#but much shit was also done to them#it was just shit! all around!#so yeah!! no clue how i'm feeling#i think a lot of relief that they're ok and together#residual fondness#residual annoyance#it's a lot!#ugh whatever i've got football things to focus on lmao#(sorry football followers please move along this is too much to explain)
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okay i'm sorry i'm not done thinking about thoroughbreds kandrew. (hyping myself up) it's fine. it's fine. it's my blog with no followers & i can be as delusional as i want
#i want to make it work so bad.#miss popular kevin taylor joy & adopted brother/uncle... mister 'emotionless' ambiguous disorder minyard who has so many emotions in him...#ugh. but the horse is so crucial to the narrative. how can we insert a horse in andrew's backstory.#not that i doubt his ability to be a horse girl it's just that the upper class childhood friends setup leans kevineil instead#i believe in neil wanting kevin to be the one to get out between the two of them too so he's not Unviable per se#but the rest is so kandrew i want it to work for kandrew. love & sacrifice & betrayal & friendship#'...i did it because i think i loved you. because i think i still so. and because i knew how happy you could be—#so much happier than i ever could— but how tied down you were by your own fear and guilt.' (<- ENOUGH!!! ENOUGH!!!)#i think kevin has more love in him than lily too. which is worse unfortunately#s/o to mari i'm thinking about the passage in tnotg about andrew always thinking he'd die in kevin's arms#he would be laughing and kevin would be sobbing and wailing and it would be tragically comic! or perhaps comically tragic!#OHHHHH (CHASING AFTER MYSELF WITH A KNIFE)#sorry this is too niche. i have animals rotating in my brain#kandrew#mimithoughts
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relistening to balance always fucks me up cause all of the interactions with the red robe are so tragic when you Know
#'you're one of the bad guys right?' '...who told you that?' hit me particularly hard yesterday#and then barry saving merle's kids like! ugh#i love him ur honor#griffin makes me feel so many emotions about a man named Barry Bluejeans and i hate it#just thinking about all of this from his perspective#waking up as a lich again after phandolin and realizing he'd found merle magnus and taako#and then realizing he'd lost them again to lucretia's lies#and realizing he has to sort of take the role of villain#seeing that distrust on the faces of his closest friends and knowing they dont remember him at all!!#ugh!!!!!#god i love balance#taz#personal
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It's the way that in every mv him with the scar got killed by him without it but not this time... This time his past self was running to try and save his future self
#does this makes any sense? idk ever since i've seen it my brain hasn't been able to form a coherent thought and write it down exactly#as it is#maybe that's how it's supposed to be because it's this personal..#so i kinda don't even want to try overthink it nor try to connect the dots#i'm just letting it be because even like that it's something i never would've expected#for a song personal as this to get a mv#and the said mv being so personal too#he just never fails to amaze me and that sounds so cliche i know because so many people say it about so many other people but it's true#he's been through way too much and he really gets it#all the pain struggles destructive thoughts and loneliness#and he takes all of those negative emotions to turn them around into comfort for the others#in telling you that you are not alone#and as long as he's around you never will be#ugh i feel like i could talk about him and this song and its music video for hours but like i said i'm not really able to express myself#that well right now so i'll probably just go on and on in circles and ramble#idk i'll probably delete this later anyway#i just felt like saying this now#agust d#amygdala
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bruh I had a social for my club and my housemate ruined the vibes so bad like. The way I feel like I need to send out a mass apology for their behaviour now :////
#cy says stuff#personal#idk man they are an asshole and they were making everyone very uncomfortable#and it's like idk what to tell you you are being mean. i don't care if it's in the context of a game no one is having fun anymore#they literally made my other housemate cry because of how aggressive they were being about it#like how can you not tell you are literally ruining this for everyone bro#my friend texted me afterwards like YIKES and we were looking at each other like 👀👀 the entire night so that was reassuring#but yeah this is why I'm literally never home anymore because they are so draining to be around and all they do is cause problems LMAO#i will probably have to have a conversation about it but it's very difficult because I've already tried setting boundaries so many times#and if I didn't live with them i would literally cut them out so fast#last time i tried to set boundaries they were like ugh I'm so sorry but it totally wasn't a representation of who i actually am#like i was just having a really bad week :(((((#and I'm like that is not an excuse to be awful to your friends#if you are only a good friend when you're in a good mood and then take all your negative emotions out on the ppl around you#but yeah it's also hard because i genuinely do not want to continue this relationship but I'm renting with them at the moment#so I'm just avoiding them as much as possible#just like 🙄 it's so annoying#venting#rant
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The hardly noticeable tremor in his lower lip / chin after he cuts off on “like to spend—”. This scene killed me. This vulnerable desperation from Crowley killed me.
Aziraphale: “I’m going to move Heaven and Earth to be with you”
Crowley: “Who needs Heaven or Earth?”
We don't need Heaven, we don't need Hell, they're toxic. We need to get away from them, just be an us. You and me, what do you say?
GOOD OMENS - 2.06 Every Day
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#ugh#Crowley’s confession#my whole heart#I have so many emotions about this that I literally cannot access them#they’re behind a mental paywall
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