#the person that makes me the happiest makes me the saddest

[womb-complex]

Oh god I’m crying so muchh… how am I supposed to tell the little girl all those years ago that she isn’t gonna end up with the person she thought was her soulmate. That it won’t work no matter how much she tried. You’ll never be that happy with them ever again because nothing ever seems to go right and the relationship wont ever be the same. and how the hell am I supposed to be okay with that forever

[margaetyrell]

i know you don’t wanna read something stupid like this but it’s my blog and i’m still angry so idc. it sucks that i was one of like, the 5% question...? fans to the point where it’s never been a day without me streaming it and i was desperately waiting for her to play it. now i cannot even listen to it bc the only person capable of ruining that for me just did, with a superficial speech and a hint for us to attribute the song to a disgusting person

[withleeknow]

wishful thinking. (06)

chapter six: like lightning

summary: the instruction was plain and simple: no strings attached. but you should’ve known from the beginning that it could never apply to you and him.

pairing: minho x f!reader rating: 18+ (minors dni) genres/warnings: friends to lovers, friends with benefits au, college au; fluff, angst, smut; mentions of sex, swearing, this chapter is also pretty mild in terms of warnings? the angst begins here tho !!! could've been more edited but yk lol word count: 4.9k

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

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If I never laid eyes on you Would I feel something missing? If you never laid eyes on me Would you know something’s gone?

Happy Accidents - Saint Motel

You don't know if you've ever changed, even once, in your life.

You feel like you're still 8 years old and your best friend is the neighbors' elderly dog that they let you play with every weekend. She's a golden retriever, and she would stand taller than you if she could walk on two legs.

You're still 16 and your happiest memories are of a boy who doesn't love you back. But all of your friends say that he does, and oh, how much you want to believe that their words are true.

And at the same time, you're 22, just a few months shy of 23, sitting in front of a canvas showcasing your own bleeding heart. Your growing pains, laid out by acrylics and gentle brush strokes. You liken yourself to the figure in front of you, the one that's standing in the corner of your painting, overlooking a sea of blues and grays. There's a piece of you that's left behind in everything you create. Sometimes, you leave it there on purpose, a memorabilia for your future self to look back at fondly.

You think of everything in your life that has changed and how you're the only thing that has managed to remain the same. The dog eventually dies and the boy moves on with his life. The passage of time is relentless but you seem to be the only one who can't keep up with the tireless flow. You're always running in place, always stuck behind in the end. There's a past in which you still live, one where you don’t know if you'll ever make it out of.

You think of home and the search comes up empty, like it does every single time. Home isn't here inside of your own body, nor is it within the four walls of your childhood bedroom. You've never felt like you belong anywhere. Everything is always fluctuating, constantly and unabatingly spinning and spinning and spinning when all you're asking for is a minute to stand still and catch your breath.

Home isn't always a place, that much you know. Maybe home isn't even a thing that you build but something that you find, in a person or a touch, in a feeling or a scent. Perhaps that's the problem, isn't it? Home is something you find, and you've spent your whole life searching.

People say your early 20s are supposed to be the best years of your life but that sentiment has never resonated with you. These are the years that you spend in excruciating limbo, where you're not an adult but you're forced to be anyway. The years where loneliness is an invisible friend that shadows you day in and day out, a presence you don’t want around but can't seem to shake off, a haunting that's far too gentle to be considered such. These aren't your best years; these are your saddest years.

None of it helps build character. It just hurts.

It hurts. You accept that it hurts. You keep on living, always accompanied by the hurt. At some point, it stops bothering you as much; you've grown numb to the way it stings, but it doesn't mean that there aren't days where you're pierced with a sudden and debilitating hollowness in your chest.

Here you are, half an adult but still a child, wondering if you know anything more than you did when you were 8.

You just want to go home, but you don't know where home is.

You look at the small pool of yellow acrylic paint that's been sitting on your palette for a while now. It feels so out of place among the other insipid tones, even though that has always been your intention - a burst of life amidst a sea of blues.

You don't think about anything in particular when your fingers pick up a brush and dab it in a generous amount of paint. It doesn't make much sense, but it feels right. You don't think about anything in particular when your hand smears the color on the cavas, on the figure, a startling stroke right in the center of her chest, contrasting all of the dulls and darkness surrounding.

Though, you do think of him afterward. Of him and daffodils and spring.

The rest of your friends are already present when you and Felix show up at Chan and Jess' shared apartment, holding boxes of pizzas and a case of beer.

It's a cute tradition that was started last year, when all of you promised to gather the final Friday of every month to have a cozy little dinner party among yourselves. It usually takes place at Chan's, since his apartment is bigger than the rest of yours, and because him and Jess are practically the parents of the group anyway.

The second you step into the living room, a chorus of groans erupts all around. Hyunjin and Jisung are the most vocal petulant babies, pouting from their seats, complaining that you two took too long and that they've been starving for hours.

You and Felix shrug off your jackets before delegating the tasks to the lot of them, since you were in charge of picking up the food for tonight. Minho and Seungmin grabbing plates and cups from the kitchen for Changbin and Jeongin to set on Chan's large coffee table.

You opt for a seat on the carpeted floor, next to the spot on the cream-colored couch where Minho left his phone, feeling more comfortable this way since the table is a little low for your liking. They come back a few minutes later, and you smile up at Minho when he reclaims his seat on the couch.

"Hi." He smiles back, smoothing a hand over your hair in greeting.

"Hi," you say. Even a touch so simple warms you up from the outside chill you were in mere minutes ago. No one else notices his lingering hand on you, or it's just such a you and Minho thing to be mildly affectionate with each other that the others don't care to comment on anymore.

You all fall into easy conversation soon after everyone starts digging in, chatting amongst yourselves as you always do. You and Hyunjin lament about your respective projects, reiterating the frustration that you've already expressed through your texts for the zillionth time. Chan and Jess nag Jeongin about introducing his girlfriend to the group, to which the younger one responds with an exaggerated groan as one would when their parents ask about grandchildren, though he does placate them by promising to bring her along the next time there's a party.

You don't care enough to tune into Minho's conversation with Changbin and Felix about the new gym they started going to. You do, however, catch Changbin's attempt to tease Minho. A playful scoff, followed by, "Minho lost his abs ages ago."

Your response is automatic and therefore, it doesn't warrant much thought from you before the words are tumbling out of your mouth. "No, he has abs. They're still there."

You don't recognize the weight of your words until you notice all chatter has halted, and you look up to find all eyes on you.

"How do you know that?" Jeongin is the one to voice everyone's collective thought, puzzled, a little surprised.

"Yeah, isn't Minho notoriously weird about that stuff?" Felix adds.

You blink in a daze, and you don't know if your face is reddening because of embarrassment but you sure hope that it isn't. The mouthful you're munching on gives you a reason to stall, your reputation of being a slow eater makes the excuse more believable when you don't answer right away.

As subtly as you can, you nudge Minho's leg with an elbow. He just laughs, though you're pretty certain he can tell that you're internally freaking out.

"I was walking her home from class a few weeks ago and we got caught in the rain. She let me come up to her apartment to change," he says calmly.

You remember that day. He was walking you from campus back to yours, so that part was true. But it didn't start raining until you were both sheltered in the comfort of your apartment, with him on top of you as he fucked you nice and slow on the couch. You didn't know when the rain stopped, but it must've been some time during your shower that you offered him to join with the innocent intention of cleaning yourselves up and saving water, only for him to end up on his knees with his face between your legs and his fingers buried deep inside of you. He'd made you come three times that afternoon, then took you out to udon afterward.

"And you just... changed in the middle of her living room or something?" Changbin asks, his eyes narrowing slightly.

Minho shrugs, completely nonchalant. "Yeah."

The silence in the room persists as you swallow down the bite. Their stare lingers on the pair of you, then they turn to look at each other like they're speaking a secret language that you're unfamiliar with. Why is it such a scandalous thing for you to see Minho without a shirt? You've seen your other guy friends shirtless numerous times before, when all of you are hanging out in someone's apartment on particularly hot summer days.

Though, they aren't wrong. The arrangement between the two of you muddles your memory, but you don't really remember seeing Minho flaunt his bare skin often before.

You're about to squeeze out a weak response to aid Minho's explanation, but your friends just start nodding along in acceptance.

"I guess that makes sense. If there's anyone who would see him naked, it'd be Y/N."

This definitely makes you blush. Minho laughs again.

"What?! I did not see him naked."

Well, look who's a liar now?

"Y/N, and whoever he's banging," Hyunjin supplies, which seriously doesn't help the flush on your cheeks at all.

"Why would it make sense that it was me?" you protest.

"Because you're his favorite." Jess is the one who answers, to which the rest of your friends all hum in agreement. The way they're reacting makes it seem as though it's just a fact of life that you're Minho's favorite, and that whatever boundary he lets you cross or whatever rule he breaks when it comes to you is simply a result of this fact.

Not once has it crossed your mind that everyone might have a favorite person in the group, but now that it's been said, you quickly conclude that Minho would be your favorite too (your secret arrangement notwithstanding.)

You glance up at him, seeking reassurance with a curious blink. "Am I?"

"You're alright," is what he tells you in lieu of a confirmation. "The least annoying one."

And you don't know if it's the way he speaks ever so gently when he looks at you or how his lips curl up in a knowing smile that sends a tingle of warmth down your spine. Or perhaps the culprit is the softness in his sharp eyes that makes you a little dizzy, makes a pair of butterflies go rampant at the pit of your stomach, as though they're prepared to soar when the ardor of spring begins to thaw the winter frost.

Chan laughs, "That's practically a declaration of love from Minho."

At one point, Hyunjin looks around and comments with a mouth stuffed full of pizza, "Wow. We are literally perfectly divided."

All eyes fall onto him, clearly no one is catching his drift.

Hyunjin swallows his food and washes it down with a big sip of beer before gesturing vaguely at the group, "All the singles are on the floor."

You look at the people on the couch while they stare back at you, Hyunjin, Seungmin, Changbin and Felix sitting comfortably on the fluffy rug.

"I'm single," Jisung says, pointing at himself. "Should I get on the floor?"

"No, you're not," Seungmin says flatly.

"What?"

"Didn't you get back together with your ex girlfriend?"

"What?" Jisung practically squeaks out. "Man, what are you talking about?"

"I live with you. We literally share a wall. I heard you last week. The whole two hours."

“You were home?!”

"My shoes were by the door. I had dishes in the sink. I went to the bathroom to pee several times."

Jisung gasps, growing redder and redder as more eyes start diverting their attention to him. He opens his mouth only to promptly close it as he thinks of what to say. Repeats the process a few times. "We didn't hear you. You never said anything," is what he settles on stuttering out. Then, "Why didn't you bring it up? Why do you have to air out my dirty laundry now?"

"It's more entertaining to embarrass you in front of everyone." Seungmin shrugs, and ignores Changbin's subsequent comment calling him a pervert. "And no wonder you didn't hear me. You were going at it like you were rabid."

"Wait," Jeongin says, "when did you even get back together?"

"We didn't. It's complicated! We're just… y'know…"

When Jisung trails off sheepishly with the bright blush still apparent on his cheeks, Minho cuts in, finishing his sentence bluntly, "Boning."

You send him a glare from where you're seated on the floor, to which he just gives you a lopsided grin and nudges you with his knee.

While everyone else is busy bombarding Jisung with questions on potentially getting back together with his ex, Minho quietly slithers down to the floor like a stealthy cat, squeezing himself into the space between you and Felix. Minho rests his arm behind you on the couch, leaving it stretched out comfortably on the cushions, just lightly touching your back. Usually, when you two are alone, he would have his arm wrapped around your shoulders so he could pull you close, until you're safely tucked into his side where you would remain on most of your evenings spent together. But for now, he leaves his arm where it grazes you only slightly as you sit among friends, with the exception of his hand reaching to play with your hair once in a while.

"Hey!" Hyunjin practically screeches, pointing at Minho when he notices. "Why did you get on the floor?"

"What?" Minho asks innocently. "You said the singles are on the floor."

"You're not single. You have a girlfriend."

"I don't have a girlfriend."

Hyunjin scoffs. "You have a sneaky link."

"Hmm, not the same as a girlfriend."

"Why can't you just tell us, man? There's gotta be something else you're hiding."

You stay quiet, still as a statue while they bicker back and forth, like the mere motion of your breathing could give your secret away. You don't doubt that Hyunjin has been hounding Minho about his new discovery ever since the night of Yeonjun's party, but Minho seems unfazed about it, evading Hyunjin's badgering with a calm composure that's distinct to no one else.

You excuse yourself to the bathroom, quickly shuffling away as if your absence at the table would help make things seem less suspicious for Minho. You splash some water on your face, wait for a while until it feels like an appropriate amount of time has passed for them to have already moved onto another topic. You are, quite literally, hiding from your own friends.

Moments later, you re-enter the room with gentle footsteps and a certain tension in your spine, but you soon grow relieved when you find that the conversation has somehow shifted to Seungmin and his on-again off-again not-girlfriend, about which he just seems kinda sad for a few seconds before he's telling everyone to fuck off and mind their own business, always quick to conceal any and all emotions. He's similar to you in that way, you suppose.

You sit back down next to Minho who's still on the floor, though you put a little distance between your bodies that wasn't previously there. You don't know if it's enough to be noticeable, but he does look at you for a brief moment before leaning a bit closer, asking softly so only you could hear, "Walk you home later?"

You embark on the familiar route from Chan and Jess' place back to yours. It's not that late, barely even 10PM on a Friday night, but the streets are almost deserted. Barely anyone tipsily roaming the streets with their friends in tow; just a few cars passing by every now and then. You relish in the peace and quiet, sighing softly to yourself as you walk in the crisp evening air.

Minho takes casual strides next to you, letting his hand brush against your hand for a while until his pinky finds its way around yours. The tranquility of the city is nice, but being with Minho is even nicer.

Just some of the stars have come out to play, though the way they gleam and glimmer is enough to make up for what they lack in numbers. It's easy to get lost tonight, when you're looking up at an infinite sky with little light and only Minho's pinky hooked around yours like an anchor to guide you back home.

In the grand scheme of things, you're just a speck of dust. You're young and confused - 23 is still a child in your mind - and most of all, you're insignificant. Not in a self-disparaging way. Maybe in the literal sense of the word would be more accurate.

You are insignificant, merely a face among billions of faces. In a crowd of hundreds, or maybe only dozens, you're not someone who would stand out and be picked. Sometimes, it's nice to blend right in and hide in plain sight; you don't particularly enjoy being under the spotlight anyway. But sometimes, it's lonely to be just a drop in the ocean. You could sink right to the bottom and no one would even notice.

Maybe that's why you enjoy being around Minho so much. He makes you feel safe, and seen, like you matter in the end. He makes you feel like if you were to disappear one day, there's a person out there who would go to the ends of the earth in search of you.

You hope that he sticks around, that he wants to be in your life for as long as you can have him. You're not sure what it is that makes you sick to your stomach at the mere thought of losing him; perhaps because you know you will never come across another one like Minho in your lifetime. There's nobody else that can make you feel the same way he does.

I don't want to lose you. You're the only good thing I have.

An intersection, two left turns, and your apartment building comes into view all too soon.

"Wanna come up?" you ask bashfully. The streetlights do a good job at masking your light flush.

"I can't tonight," he says, a little apologetic. "I'm going to my parents' house first thing in the morning."

"Oh." You're disappointed for no specific reason. Sure, you were practically glued to Minho's side for most of the evening, but you were also surrounded by the very friends who are unaware that you two have been sneaking around behind their backs. It's been about over a week since you hung out with him alone, which isn't that long ago by any means, but still. "For the weekend?"

"Yeah, just for the weekend."

There's a selfish urge, just a tiny one, to ask him to come for a while anyway, maybe only twenty minutes or so, but you swallow it down and wave it away. "Okay, have fun. Say hi to the cats for me."

"I'll send you pictures," he tells you. "They miss you, y'know."

You smile at that, laughing a little. "They've met me once."

Last fall, you and your friends all took a weekend trip to Minho's childhood home for his birthday. It was fun for you, though you're not sure how much his parents actually enjoyed it, considering they had to house and feed almost a dozen kids that weren't their own. You remember the cats, of course you do, and how Soonie took an immediate liking to you, how he mostly hovered around your personal space whenever you were in the house.

"No, seriously. My mom says Soonie meows your name once a day."

You throw him an eye roll, accompanied by a light punch to his shoulder.

"Goodnight, Min," you say. "Text me when you get home."

"Okay."

Even after that, the two of you still stay rooted to the spot, your pinkies interlocked. Minho's gaze doesn't leave your face, and for a moment there, it feels like most of the stars didn't show up because they all left to gather in his eyes.

"Can't go up if you don't let me,” you quip, glancing at your hands, knowing full well that you can easily retract your finger if you want to.

His eyes stay on you for just a moment longer. "Let me kiss you," he asks softly, releasing your pinky only to take your hand in his, tugging you closer until you’re all up in each other's personal space.

You blink at him, your heart caught somewhere in your throat. You're close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off his body. "Min…" you murmur but you don't actually know what you want to tell him, so the nickname hangs like an idle lantern in the bubble of space between your faces.

"Just a goodnight kiss."

"Friends don't kiss," you say meekly, reminiscent of your conversation over a week ago.

"Friends don't have sex either," he repeats.

"But we’re not having sex."

"You asked me to come upstairs. What do you think we would've done?"

And he's right. If he had agreed to come up, then you would probably be pressed against the door right now, with his hands trailing down your body, removing every article of clothing they find, his lips kissing every exposed patch of skin along the way.

Minho would've been kissing you regardless - anywhere and everywhere, and you wouldn't have had any qualms about it like you do right now, even though you want to kiss him too.

"Maybe I wanted you to come up to make you peel tangerines for me while we watch a movie."

He says nothing to that, only grins amusedly and leans in to nudge his nose against yours. It's so cute that you can't help but mirror the quirk of his lips. You're sure that no one else gets to see this version of him - the one that boops you like an overly affectionate cat and smiles like you're his favorite person not just in your little group, but in the whole wide world.

"I haven't kissed you all week," he murmurs, his voice so gentle in the quietude that surrounds you. "You were right there but I couldn't kiss you all night."

You lose yourself in his brown eyes, the same eyes that hold nothing but sincerity and fondness for you. The stars here are brighter than the ones overhead.

"Let me kiss you," Minho says, "please?"

You cave. Of course you do.

The first glide of his lips over yours has you weak in the knees. Something sinks in as he kisses you deeply. Under the streetlights, not surrounded by your familiar four walls like a long lost secret but out in the open where anyone can see, even though there's not a single soul around.

Tears well up behind your eyelids the same way they did that morning you woke up next to him for the first time. You don't know what it is, never felt this way around anyone except for him. It's akin to the feeling of finally coming home after being away for a long time, or at least that's what you think that's how it would feel.

You don't want to be caged in by the walls of your own making. You want to be seen, and you want to be seen by him. You're the remnants of snow and ice stuck between cracks in the sidewalk, and he is warmth. You're a mosaic of a daffodil garden caught in an endless winter, and he is spring. Minho is the brief but wonderful moment when cherry blossoms have yet to fall from their branches, but green leaves are already growing impatiently, resulting in the beautiful coexistence of pinks and greens if only just for a few days.

You let him kiss you until you're both out of breath, let him wrap his strong arms around your body and hold you like he could mend all of your broken pieces. Maybe he could. Maybe you'd like him to make you whole again.

When Minho pulls away, he doesn't stray very far. He puts enough distance between your faces so you can catch your breath. But even then, you have a hard time getting air back into your lungs. He's looking at you like he would pick the moon for you if you asked, like moving mountains is no more difficult than peeling tangerines for you whenever you get a craving.

The streetlights are dim, but the stars in his eyes are bright enough to tell you something that his words don't.

It hits you all at once, in a moment where even the wind is still, as if it's been reduced to a mere spectator, watching the two of you with bated breath on the sidelines. The tipping point can be something as simple as him asking - almost pleading - to kiss you goodnight with no ulterior motive, no other intention than because he wants to. As though it would kill him if he had to go another minute without kissing you.

You realize why he's the yellow to your sea of blues, why you're so happy every time you look at the bracelet on your wrist. You realize why you feel so safe around him, why he makes you experience emotions that no one else can. You realize why you don’t like hearing about Hana, or any other person in the same sentence as his name with the implication that he could be romantically involved with them.

You realize why you kissed him for the first time all those months ago, and it wasn't because you were sad and he just happened to be there and let you cry on his shoulder. The times that your friends would tell you how you and Minho would be perfect together - you wanted it to be true. You knew it was true - that he was someone you could love, the only person who's worth opening up to. You kissed him because you wanted to love him. You realize why it made you soar when he kissed you back, because you wanted him to love you too.

You realize why the thought of losing this friendship terrifies you. You realize why you asked him to stay that night after the party and the club, even though you had never allowed him to sleep over before. You realize why the other week you let him only kiss you and nothing else, and you realize why your heart is hammering in your chest this very second, why your knees are weak, why you can't really breathe here in the middle of an empty street under a moonless sky, just because he's looking at you as if it's not the sun that the earth revolves around but rather, it's a girl who has never learned how to say what she means.

You're good at leaving things alone; it's a skill that you've unintentionally mastered over the years. Nothing has to change if you let it remain the same. And yet, the one exception always seems to be Minho, and you're a mirror of yourself when you're with him. You like the version of you that only he's able to bring out, and he does it effortlessly every time. He pulls happiness out of you so easily that it's hard to ignore what you feel for him, hard to convince yourself that what you harbor for him is still only platonic affection.

It comes bubbling up to the surface without your permission. It strikes you the same way lightning splits open the whole sky on a cloudless night, abrupt and unmistakeable. Love isn't something that you've ever come close to, and you have always been an unbeliever when people answer "You just know," in response to "How do you know when it is love?"

Though as you stand right here, right now, you think maybe this is what love is supposed to look like, personified with starry eyes and shallow dimples when he smiles.

Before he leaves, Minho presses another sweet kiss to your cheek. You're still dazed by the dawning, overwhelmed by the recognition that you can only mutter a stupid "Bye," when he bids you good night.

As you watch him go, there's something else you realize, almost tragically, that you've always been a ruiner. You run away the moment shit starts getting too real, even if it means letting beautiful things slip through your fingers like running water.

Love just isn't something you've ever learned to hold.

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 15.04.2024]

[raticalshoez]

I just feel the need to get this out there because this has been sitting in my Google Docs brainrot document:

I will always believe that Scar is the saddest, most tragic Life Series character.

I'm unsure whether this is an unpopular opinion or not, but I feel like if I were to ask people who they think the most tragic member is they might say Grian, or Martyn, or Jimmy simply because of #lore implications, but when I'm bored I like to reflect on the Life Series characters and...like...

3rd Life had Grian indebted to Scar, creating a narrative based around loyalty that inevitably had to end in tragedy when they were the last two standing, neither one of them wanting to be to one to lead to the dekise of the other. Everyone knows the origin story of Desert Duo, come on now. I'd argue this is one of Scar's less tragic seasons though because throughout the entire thing, he had the unfaltering loyalty of a person, and that loyalty didn't waver on his end either. One might be tempted to bring up the Bdubs friendship pass, but that was all part of a plan Scar formulated, and Grian just never happened to see the secret message sent to him. All in all, a story of companionship that's only tragic towards the end.

Then, Last Life comes, and he is lonely. People are really quick to point to Joel for being lonely this season, but if anything, I'd describe Joel as manic over just lonely. This whole season, Scar tries to make friends after losing his only one to the curse of a red life. Time and time again he's seen trying to help people, he acts as a life dispenser, and at every turn he us either dismissed and never truly seen as an ally, or he faces death, whether by natural causes or by the hand of another player. In fact, instead of making friends, he seems to make a sworn enemy out of Team BEST. This season is really what kickstarts Scar's progression into being one of the staples of Lonely Characters ™️ of the Life Series, for even his final death is practically alone, with no happy reunions with allies, and no boos from any sworn enemies either.

I could argue this is another case of Scar being faced with lonliness because his once closely knit ally in Grian, has now shown scorn for their new fated bond. Scar is left behind as Grian goes to be with BigB, and out of them two, BigB has the guilt to tell Ren the whole secret soulmate ordeal, but Grian keeps his mouth shut. Scar finds out about the whole situation on his own, bitterly offering gifts for Grian to give, and hanging out with Pearl, the girl who is quite literally the commonly accepted poster child for all aspects of loneliness depicted in the Life Series. In this series, I think Scar gets some sort of closure in Grian and him working together again towards the end of the season, but even so, the two of them die apart, in a way symbolizing the disconnect they had all season long.

Limited Life is quite possibly Scar's happiest season, and therefore I don't really have anything to say about it. I think to some degree, everyone in the Life Series has the ability to be an asshole, and I think every single character is morally grey, and with all that being said I think the person Scar needed most was Cleo. Sure, they enable him to be as chaotic as possible, and yeah, being around Ckeo thus season quite possibly made Scar the snarkiest he's been, but the connection he had with her, and just the Clockers overall was so strong. Yes, there's the whole Etho dad thing, and you could argue that's another tally for Scar's abandonment board, but really, that whole bit has always been more comedic to me than it has been entirely dramatic or angsty.

And everyone knows Secret Life. Once again, Scar finds himself in the role of the lonely merchant, running a shop solo, and constantly trying to make friends, but there is always something stopping him from doing so because something in this world HATES him. Scar doesn't make friends, no, in fact, the Secret Keeper screws him over so much that by the end of this season he is literally embracing the role of a villain. He goes on a killing spree, more successful than he's ever done before, and he finds himself face to face with Pearl, who wants him to take her life. He calls it lame, and not fair because if Pearl's good at the game, she should own it and between me and you personally, I think Scar's just got a soft spot for a fair fight between the last two standing. I think the saddest part of Secret Life is the lack of closure Scar gets because he is the only winner that doesn't get to die and meet in this sort of afterlife where everyone reunites and talks like friends again, as if they all hadn't caused each others' demise. Scar doesn't get that, and is instead stuck in, at least in Martyn's interpretation, an endless loop of pressing that succeed button over and over as he goes mad.

This is a ridiculously long post, but I just NEEDED to get it out of my system. I feel like people could argue the curse of having allies is more tragic because you have to witness their deaths, or you can make the argument that maybe trying to fund the most tragic Life Series character is redundant because with how this game is, everyone is bound to be tragic either way, and to which I say true. I just feel like in a game where it's so natural for people to split up into groups of 3, 4, sometimes even 5, Scar's a character that has ended up alone so many times. It's honestly quite insane. I will always say that Pearl and Joel are the lonely dog girl and lonely dog boy of the series, but if there was ever just...the Lonliest, that title would probably go to Scar.

[mysunshinetemptress]

Never yours to fix

Alessia Russo x mum!reader

Warnings: angst absent parent, fluff

As a child you dreamed of being a mum, it was something your parents often talked about you constantly carrying your baby doll a girl you had named Gina.

Although you had dreamed of being a mum you never expected it to happen so soon but after your boyfriend knocked you up at the age of 19 you knew no matter what you would love every moment of it. And you did well mostly, you loved the moments it was just you and Teddy or the moments you shared with your family, you hated the moments she would sit watching the door for her Dad to decide he wanted to spend time with her, the moments she cried into your arms stating “daddy not love me.” The moments he cancelled last minute or didn’t show up at all.

Teddy’s heart had been broken so many times that you often felt like you failed her, you hadn’t not by a long shot you where the best mum a 21 year old could be, Teddy was loved and cared for and you made sure she didn’t have to worry about ever feeling hungry..well your dad did after he got you a job in his company but still it was you there to laugh with her when she was her happiest and hold her when she was at her saddest which was more frequent these days after her Dad found himself a new girlfriend. Being caught up in making sure Teddy was loved and happy you often neglected it for yourself but you couldn’t possibly bring in a new person to your life scared Teddy would get attached and then become even more heartbroken when it eventually turned bad. That was until you met her.

Teddy was staying with your parents while you and your brother attended Manchester United vs Newcastle at Old Trafford, since you where kids both you and your brother held season tickets and although you still bought it you hadn’t used yours in two since having your daughter. Seats picked right beside the directors box at the Bobby Charlton stand you both got comfortable catching up.

You both sat with batted breath as you watch the boys in red try tirelessly to defend sighing and dropping your head in disappointment turning when you heard a laugh, eyes catching two girls sat beside you. The brunette turned before locking eyes with you and smiling sheepishly hitting the blonde girl beside her “sorry, it’s not funny I know but if I don’t laugh I’ll cry.” It was your turn to laugh before nodding “that’s understandable haven’t seen them preform as good as they should be since I was a kid if I’m being honest but once a red always a red so I’ll keep coming.” The girls smiled at you “I’m Y/n and this is my brother Jamie.” The brunette smiled “I’m..” Jamie laughed “oh we know who you are best number seven for United and Alessia the traitor.” You thumped Jamie’s arm at the last part “sorry ignore him he wishes he was half as decent as you Alessia.” The girls laughed as the whistle sounded for half time “right my turn to buy drinks.” You dragged your brother up before turning to the girls “you guys coming “oh no we…”. You smiled “come on it’s on me please.” The both nodded standing before following you to the drinks stand.

Arriving back to your seats Ella was pulled away spotting a family friend so Alessia had decided to take her seat beside you as you both struck up a conversation “so how long have you been a United fan for.” You shrugged thinking “god don’t think I can remember but my entire life really, Dads a red used to live by Busby way as a kid then he met mum, Mum moved from Ireland when she was 22 they met shortly after in the Stretford end actually, got married and when the business did well moved to Hale had My brother then me and the rest is history.” Alessia smiled at your little story “sorry just realised I told you my entire life story.” Alessia laughed nah it’s all good “I’m a red as well although I grew down south, my Dad is a massive fan. My brothers and I followed after him my mum she isn’t really into it but she’ll watch if I’m playing.” You smiled “that’s really cute.” You both continued talking not even realising the final whistle had blown until Jamie shuck your shoulder “ready.” You looked around “oh, well I best be off it was really nice to meet you Alessia.” You stood slowly smiling at the girl as Alessia shot from her seat “wait, I’d ehm well I…you don’t have to.. I mean I don’t even know if this is what your into…oh god spit it out… would you like to go out with me tomorrow.” You looked at her surprised “like a date.” Alessia nodded “yeah…I had a really nice time with you and I would love to do it again if you are free.” You stood thinking before turning to Jamie “I got T don’t worry.” You smiled great fully “I’d love to here out your number in.”

It was your second date when you finally told Alessia about Teddy. “I really like you and before this goes any further I need to tell you something.” Alessia grabbed your hand across the table “breath Y/n.” You looked at her eyes wide in worry “I have a daughter, Teddy..she ehm she’s two and my entire world and listen I understand if this is all to much for you and before you get up and leave just know I have had the best time with you these past few weeks.” Alessia let go of your hand eyes wide in shock “Teddy.” You nodded head dropping slightly “oh my god that is the cutest name ever have you got photos oh when can I meet her, does she have a favourite show, favourite princess, does she like football tell me everything.” You looked at her in shock before bursting into tears as Alessia got up to move beside you “oh shit Y/n I’m sorry.” You shook your head “no I’m sorry I god it’s just I love her so much and I was so scared of telling you in fear you wouldn’t like me anymore because I really like you.” You spent the rest of the night show Less videos of Teddy and telling her all about her and Alessia found herself falling fast watching your eyes sparkle as you talked about your daughter buzzing in anticipation to meet her.

A month after Alessia finally asked you to be her girlfriend you decided it was time to introduce her to Teddy so you invited Alessia around for lunch “hey baby remember Mummy has someone special coming to visit today Teddy hummed focused on playing with her toys “I know your my best girl but I need you to promise me you will be good.” Teddy looked up eyes big “I promise I good girl Mama.” You smiled spreading your arms “ok come give me a hug and a kiss.” Teddy ran over smiling wrapping her little arms around you before wiggling out to go back to playing. Shortly after the doorbell rang and your nerves spiked at the thought of Alessia actually being here.

You opened the door smiling softly as she pulled you in for a hug “hi gorgeous.” You pulled back kissing her cheek before asking “ready.” Alessia nodded excitedly “so ready I’m absolutely buzzin to meet her.” You laughed pulling her in hands locked together “Hey T can you come here a second there is someone I want you to meet.” Teddy threw her toys down jumping up from the floor and raced towards you putting her hands in the air “up mama.” You smiled letting go of Alessia’s hand picking her up as she rested her head on your chest “hey love this is the person I was telling you about, her name is Alessia can you say hi.” Teddy looked at the blonde studying her before smiling “hi lessia I Teddy.”you looked at the older girl smiling as she laughed “hi Teddy your so pretty aren’t you.��� It was Teddy’s turn to laugh before she reached over for Alessia’s hair “hair like Punzle.” You smiled nodding “yeah Alessia does have hair like Rapunzle.” Teddy lifted her head getting more comfortable with your girlfriend “you a princess.” Alessia smiled shaking her head “Alessia plays football she’s not a princess.” Teddy’s eyes widened as a smile took over her face “I love football, like my mama and uncle jam and Grandpa.” Alessia smiled as Teddy wiggled letting you know she wanted to be put down before she grabbed Alessia’s hand “I show you I show you.” You nodded at the older girl “go I’ll start lunch.”

It’s safe to say the first meeting was a hit Alessia ended up staying until well after Teddy went to bed your daughter the happiest you had seen her in awhile “oh god Y/n she’s amazing, really amazing and she absolutely adores you.” You smiled resting your head on Alessia’s shoulder as you watched the tv “well I can say the same about you I think today might be her favourite out of the year, you made her laugh more today then I have been able to these last few weeks.” Alessia squeezed you tightly “if you’ll let me I would love to spend more time with the both of you. You’re my girlfriend, I care about you a lot and I care about her a lot too, I don’t plan on leaving, that is unless you want me to but we’ll from the moment I met you at Old Trafford I couldn’t help the butterflies and I don’t ever want them to stop.” You smiled pulling her into a kiss “I’d love nothing more than for you to stick around.”

You and Alessia fell into a routine something you had asked for as to not get Teddy all mixed up. Alessia face timed on the nights she wasn’t up in Manchester which at the start was frequently as she lived in London but after the first night she stayed over and how happy Teddy was afterwards it happened more frequently, so Sunday nights Alessia traveled to yours and would be there when Teddy awoke the next morning she would leave then Monday night and be back Wednesday night and Thursday night before heading back down to do it all over again.

That happened without a hiccup for a few weeks until your ex decided he wanted to start seeing Teddy again, you had forgotten to tell Less that Teddy was at her dads on the Wednesday and you definitely didn’t miss the disappointment on her face when she came through the front door waiting on the 2 yr old to jump at her only to be met with silence “sorry darling, I completely forgot Mickey came to get her this morning he’s back on his “I love my daughter and want to see her” phase again but she’ll be home tomorrow.” Alessia nodded “oh ok, we’ll how about we go out for dinner then.” You smiled kissing her softly “ok sounds good.”

That happened for three more weeks until you where sat at dinner laughing about Alessia being clumsy like always when your phone rang “sorry Less it’s Mickey let me get it.” You stood up walking away from the table answering your phone before you rushed back 5 minutes later “hey hey Y/n what’s going on.” You picked up everything taking out the money for the meal “it’s Teddy, Mickey never picked her up from my parents house I have to go get her I’m really sorry less I have to go get her.” Alessia shook her head “hey it’s ok let me drive yeah we will both go get her.” You smiled at her taking her hand as you both left to get your daughter.

You raced up the driveway Alessia following after you as you knocked on the door, before looking at your dad “where is she.” Your Dad stepped aside as you walked through the house finding your daughter cuddled up to your brother hiccuping “hey Pumpkin.” Teddy’s head shot up at the sound of your voice “Mama.” You kneeled down in front of her “oh baby I’m so sorry.” Teddy crawled off Jamie’s lap before wrapping herself around you “No Daddy.” You dropped your head sighing “I’m sorry baby.” Teddy lifted her head seeing Alessia standing behind you putting her hands out for the Blonde as you passed her over “no daddy Less.” Alessia looked at you trying to work out what to say “I’m sorry T.” Teddy began playing with Alessia’s hair “you stay.” Alessia nodded “I’m staying as long as you want piccola Stella.” Teddy’s little chin began to wobble “no go stay.” Alessia nodded “I promise it’s ok I’m staying.” Teddy began crying feeling overwhelmed.

Alessia was there for Teddy and you after that more so then she had been, she left London earlier to spend more time in Manchester with you both and often stayed longer then she was allowed to with training, but she didn’t care “Teddy needs me, you need me, I’ll stay as long as I have go to make sure she isn’t going to bed crying over that idiot who doesn’t deserve her.” You cried into her arms that night.

A few months later Mickey fell back into his phase only this time Teddy was an awful lot more reluctant to go with him stating “no stay, stay with Mama and Lessia no go Daddy.” Mickey wasn’t to happy about that often screaming down the phone at you stating “how dare you take my daughter away from me you and that bitch blonde.” You hung up on him only for him to come banging on the door. You turned at the noise before looking at Teddy “hey Pumpkin you stay here ok I have to go answer the door Less will be here shortly ok.” Teddy nodded watching the TV. Opening the door stood Mickey “where is she.” You sighed “she doesn’t want to see you.” Mickey shook his head “bullshit she’s two she can’t make up her own mind over what tutu to wear, I won’t ask again Y/n where is she.” You moved slightly as her tried to push past you “for the sake of our daughters happiness im sorry Mickey but no, you do this every few weeks, you get this itch to spend time with her like you’re supposed to and then you push her to the side when you get fed up, she is a two year old child not a toy you can’t keep doing that to her, her tiny heart breaks every time and I’m tired of trying to tell her you love her when you clearly don’t and she is starting to realise.” Mickey pushed you back into the hall “Fuck you she is my kid, you can’t keep her from me TEDDY ITS DADDY LETS GO.” Teddy stood up from the couch running to the door peaking out “hey T.” Teddy shook her head “not my name.” Mickey looked at her confused “yeah it is.” Teddy shook her head again “only Mama and Less allowed not daddy.” Mickey looked at you anger sparking in his eyes “what but I’m your Daddy.” Teddy nodded “yeah but Daddy not love me, Mama and Less love me.” Mickey turned to you “what bullshit have you been feeding her, how…how dare you turn her against me, I’m taking you to court you bitch you can’t keep her from me.” Mickey had you pushed against the wall now as Teddy began to cry, just on time Alessia came through the door “I’d take your hands off her if I where you Mickey.” Teddy ran past you both to Alessia putting her hands up as Alessia lifted her up “you should go.” Mickey shook his head “I’m not leaving without my daughter.” Teddy ducked her head into Alessia neck “yeah you are, your not taking her like this, especially not when you are this angry so I won’t ask again leave, take a few days and when you have calmed the hell down try it again in a nicer manner.” Mickey stepped forward but you stopped him placing your hand on his chest “you have broken her heart enough Mickey, don’t make her fear you as well.” Mickey stopped looking at Teddy “I’m sorry baby, I’ll see you soon.” Mickey walked out after that as you looked at your daughter crying in Alessia’s arms.

Sighing you placed Teddy in bed kissing her head before stepping back into Alessia’s arms. “You ok amore mio.” You nodded “I love you.” Alessia froze for a minute before pulling you closer “I love you too.” You turned facing her “I never got to thank you.” Alessia looked at you confused “for what Y/n.” You looked back at Teddy’s sleeping form “we where….we where never yours to fix but you have, I was so scared of love until I met you and Teddy never knew love like yours existed until she met you, you have made us both the happiest girls in the world these past few months and you have eased my worries…I feared she would cry watching the door every day for the rest of her life for her father to love her like she deserves but you…you have loved her since I told you about her in the restaurant and I know she will never have to worry about being heart broken by you, that she will never have to sit watching the door for you..so thank you for fixing what was never yours to fix but loving us both enough to do it.” Alessia smiled pulling you into a kiss “I would do it again in a heartbeat.” You kissed her pulling her impossibly closer. “I love you.” You smiled “we love you too.”

[thisismeracing]

hi, was wondering if you would be able to write an imagine about lando norris inspired by ariana grande's new song, we can't be friends. i really love how you write thats why i left this request. hope you'd be able to do it! thank you! <3 much love!

We can't be friends | LN4

⸺ the one where they loved each other, but for outside circumstances couldn't even be friends. ✓ mentions of online hate, rumors of cheating; angsty. fem!reader (she/her).

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You were his teammate's before you were his.

You were Oscar's girlfriend. Oscar's best friend. Oscar's rock.

And Lando admired Oscar, he even felt protective of the driver. Yet, he couldn't help but wish the one thing he couldn't: your love.

Lando was your boyfriend's good friend, as close as it could be to becoming best friends, as close as a working relationship would let. He was the one Oscar ran to when he needed to vent about driving, or needed advice. Yet, you couldn't help but fall for the one person you couldn't: Lando.

It happened too fast. It took you by surprise. One second you were visiting the McLaren facility for the first time, and the second you were facing ocean-green eyes with a hint of light blue. One second honey brown was your favorite, the other you couldn't help but crave the unknown of light green. You thought it was a good friendship, the kind people write those sayings about, souls that find each other but aren't supposed to fall romantically, souls that are destined to be friends, the best of friends. However, you did crave it. 

Lando knew how to make you laugh the way no one else knew. He had the best hug in the world, strong arms, warm body, his breath hitting your skin just right. One glance and you were done.

And done is what you decided to be with your years-long relationship with Oscar. You would not lead Piastri on. Before his girlfriend, you were his best friend, and so you sat down and with teary eyes told him you fell for someone else. The Aussie was a smart guy, he tried to brush it off all those months, he told himself Lando was that friendly with everyone, that the British worried about everyone else the way he worried about you, while deep down he knew something else was growing, something else was already there by the time you so much as shared your first glance. But you were his first love, his first girlfriend, his best friend. You shared everything together. He won with you by his side, he lost with you there too, so Piastri wasn't ready to let go.

That's the funny thing about heartbreak, it doesn't wait until you're ready, it doesn't give you an evacuation notice, it just bursts in one day and tells you that the house that used to be filled with joy and love is about to be empty for God knows how long.

Oscar wasn't ready for his house to be vacant. Because the void would feel so much bigger without his teammate as well, it was obvious that their friendship would be compromised after the end of his relationship. He lost not only his lover but his friend as well.

Hence why he was so bitter about that particular ending. You took everything with you. Every memory of his life had you, the happiest and saddest, and you didn't even leave him the option of blaming you, because you broke up with him. You didn't cheat. You didn't go behind his back. You chose to end things with him so that you could be with Lando, and for a few days, even weeks, Oscar wished that you had cheated on him, that you had broken his heart in the nastiest possible way, because what you did end up being even worse.

When you started attending more races you knew you couldn't be friends with Lando, you told him so. It was too risky, too hard. Impossible. So you kept repeating to each other you couldn't be friends until one day you could – or so you thought. Because as it turns out, when you're famous your life is not always yours, not only yours. Oscar was famous.

And so was Lando.

The public was already reading between the lines whenever you interacted with Lando. People can try to lie with their bodies, but their eyes usually turn them in, and you guessed your eyes turned you and Lando to the fans. So much so, that they decided to throw hate when your breakup with Oscar was announced.

Every piece of social life you had was disturbed by spam accounts and fan accounts. Angry and bitter messages. Threats and more threats.

Lando's career was on the line, and so was yours because people started showing up at your work asking about you, about Oscar, and about the British guy you were in love with.

Oscar kept his silence. His heart was too shattered for him to care. The truth was, somehow, he felt like that was your curse: you couldn't even be friends anymore. Not him and you. Not you and Lando. Not him and Lando.

"I'll be alright," Lando whispered trying to give you a small glimpse of reassurance.

You nodded, you knew it was true – or so you hoped, but for that to be true you would have to give up way too much. "We can't be friends," you confessed, and the silence almost swallowed you two. It broke your heart the way his eyes shone with tears, the eyes you loved so much, eyes you wanted to swim in, lost yourself in. "But for today I would like to just pretend," you added, intertwining your fingers.

Lando bit his lips but nodded, the situation was complex. You used your free hand to trace his sharp features and closed your eyes when your noses bumped. You felt his warmth, held him close one last time, kissed him in a final way – a way only lovers that wish with all their being to be together but can't, knew.

When you realized your feelings for Lando, you knew you couldn't be anything more than friends. Just friends. Now, a couple of months later, not even that would suffice. You couldn't be your lover's love, and worst of all you couldn't be your lover's friend.

────── ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hi, honey! Hope this met your expectations! <3 I feel like I dived a bit too far from the song, but hopefully it's still good! Let me know your thoughts *mwah*

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[cheeseceli]

I'll be waiting

Pairing: idol Bang Chan × Gn!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, friends to potential lovers, fic (1.6k words)

Prompt: "Even ten years from now, if you haven't found somebody I promise I'll be around. Tell me when you're ready. I'm waiting"

Warnings: for a short moment there's a bit of unrequited love, happy ending tho. Mentions of insecurity back to the trainee days.

A/n: the longest fic I've ever done, I'm kinda proud of it ngl

Patience might be Chan's biggest virtue, he thinks to himself. By seeing where he's right now and where he was ten years ago, he smiles. He couldn't agree more with that statement.

2014

He still remembers the first time he saw you.

Monthly evaluation. At this point, Chan should already be used to this whole process of the trainee life. However, that day felt particularly depressing to him. Hopeless, he would say.

He had found out that JYP was about to debut a new group. A girl group. And as much as Bang Chan tried to be completely happy for his friends who could finally try and debut, he had to admit he was somewhat jealous. Four years of training and he felt like he was heading towards nowhere.

Still, he tried to practice. He sang the song he would showcase so many times he reached the point of not even feeling the words leaving his mouth. He was so lost he also didn't notice the presence of someone else in the practice room. That is, until you clapped.

Chan turned his head towards you, low-key surprised. He recognised you as the child of one of the Got7's staff. He couldn't remember your name though. He doubted he even heard it at all.

"Sorry" you finally spoke. Your voice was pretty "I'm looking for my dad. Your voice is very beautiful though. You're doing well." And with a thumbs up you went away.

Chan couldn't help but laugh. Now that was random. He could barely process what happened. But you complimented him. It had been a while since he last heard a genuine compliment.

Somewhere inside his mind, he repeated his words nonstop, filling him with motivation and hope. He also was trying to remember to ask your name later.

2016

He did remember to ask your name after all. Y/n L/n. The pronunciation of your name was beautiful, almost like a melody. Honestly, after two years of knowing you, he could affirm that your existence itself was like a sweet melody.

You both became friends, good ones at that. He also found himself developing feelings for you. That was the saddest part of it all in his opinion.

Even though he hadn't known you for so long, he couldn't see life without you. To live without your horrible jokes (that he always found funny), without your sunshine-like personality (even though most people wouldn't describe you like that. Maybe you were his personal dose of light) felt like a nightmare.

However, it felt a bit cruel that he needed to live like that. He wanted to be an idol. You were the one who was his biggest incentive. Then why, to have a romance with you, could bring problems to his career? It was almost as if destiny liked to make chan suffer.

Pick one.

Happily, Chan was patient. So patient that he decided to wait for you as long as needed. He had hopes that any time now, you would come to him. And he would be ready.

Meanwhile, he focused on becoming an idol. He couldn't give up now, especially given the fact that he knew you'd be in the front row, cheering for him louder than everyone else.

2018

He kept his promise: he followed his dream, finally achieving the so exciting debut, and still waited for you, his crush developing into the most sincere love he ever felt.

However, you had other plans. Of course, you were still there for him. You were probably the one who got the happiest with the results of the survival show. You spent countless nights with him on the practice room and in the studio. You were seeing his dream come true in first hand.

But this time, there was someone else besides you: your current boyfriend. Chan really doesn't know why he didn't think this could've happened. Of course, you were dating. You were smart, beautiful and had so much love to give. Someone else would've fallen for you at some point. And it was unfair of him to expect you to be single, waiting for an empty promise.

The saddest part of it was that your boyfriend was a nice guy. It was clear he loved you. He even made an effort to love everyone who you loved, including Chan himself. You were happy around him.

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Chan got the job, you got someone to love - someone who could adore you without being scared of the media - and you both still got each other in the end.

Maybe that was what Chan could have. It's okay, right?

2020

The downfall of Chan's patience at last.

Although you both were still as close as you always were, life was leading each of you in your own direction.

You had a job, he had a job. You had your friends, he had his members. You had your own house, he had the dorms. You had your boyfriend, he didn't have a partner. But it was okay because he didn't even have the time after all.

Still, he tried to fall for someone else during this period. Being in this industry for two years now, he had the opportunity to meet a lot of people. Some fancied him, some tried to take a step further in a somewhat relationship. Some even wanted to just have fun. Chan swears he tried to give in most of the time.

Needless to say he failed at every try. He couldn't come close to someone without wishing it was you instead. His short answers were compared to how sweetly he talked to you. He didn't even bother to call people or have long conversations. He knew it was only a matter of time until his mind started the undesired comparison.

Maybe it was what the job required. Maybe it was because of his lack of time. Han disagrees though. Chan remembers how his friend insisted on the fact that his leader wouldn't even try with other people. But it wasn't his fault either, as it was a subconscious thing. Chan's mind was still wrapped around you. And his heart wanted to disagree, but it all goes down the moment he finds out you and your boyfriend, now your ex, had broken up.

Although he tried hard to deny, he couldn't help but still wait for you. No matter if there was a light at the end of the tunnel or if it was only darkness. He would wait.

2022

Something in your brain has switched, and Bang Chan can't say he really liked the difference.

Of course, you were still the greatest person he ever met. You were still his sunshine. But it seemed like you were tired. Your conception of life and love wasn't as bright as it once was and Chan couldn't help but feel worried about it.

For him, who has loved you deeply for over eight years now, to see you giving yourself less credit and affection hurt him. He doesn't know why and when it happened, but your brain was trying to shut down all genuine feelings one could offer to you. You thought you were, maybe, undeserving of it all.

Honestly, to see you slowly losing your light has wounded Chan way more than all his past experiences: from his fear of failure to his disappointment upon meeting your ex boyfriend. Almost as an instinct,he tried to solve the situation. This time, patience wouldn't do.

Without even noticing, he started to love you more. To actually show you how he cared for you, to put his feelings into words and actions. At first, your heart tried to deny any possible affection, but it soon realised it wasn't possible. Not when Chan didn't even hesitate on showing the entire world how you were worthy of love. And not once he showed it as a challenge or a burden. He was by your side, and he never made it seem hard.

The best part of it all was that none of you noticed it. He started to open up to you to try and protect you,and you opened up to him in order to heal and protect his feelings. Maybe that was patience finally showing itself as a virtue.

2024

Ten years later, it finally happened.

Honestly, Chan was still a bit suspicious. There was no way he was actually seeing this, right? Maybe he was becoming delusional after all. Maybe he started to hallucinate because of his desires. But at the same time, it felt too real.

The way you looked at him, that is. It was just a normal conversation between old friends. Between gossips and laughs, there was absolutely no reason for you to look at him like this. So lost in thought, with this shimmer in your eyes that Chan knew way too well. He knew it because he had it too.

It was love. Not the one nurtured by friends or family. The one shared just between lovers. And he was so sure of it because he knew he looked at you in the exact same way you were looking at him right now.

He smiles. For a moment, you're a bit lost, wondering if you lost a joke or an important moment. That, however, makes him laugh. He couldn't believe he just saw you fall in love on the first row.

Ah, he's been patient. Now, he can't wait for you to realise what just happened. Either way, he knows with a smile on his face that he'll be waiting for you.

I promise I'll be around.

Masterlist | you'll probably like: summer with you

Thank you for reading <3 let me know what you think about it!

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @dandelions-143

Dividers by @dollywons

Credits for images 1 , 2 and 3

[pedrithink]

opposites attract ✩ kylian mbappé

KYLIAN MBAPPÉ X READER

where there is golden retriever! kylian and his black cat girlfriend.

faceclaim: lily rose

Liked by ethanmbappe, ynusername, and 2,363 others

ynkyliannews Y/N was spotted in a cafe in Paris. She looks marvelous 🥰 @ynusername

View all 201 comments

mbappegirl look… i love y/n, but she should smile more.

⤷ psgfan yeah, this gives a bad image to kylian too…

ynfan1 she looks fantastic, omg!!!

mrsmbappe why is she always so serious? 😭

kyliangf she is beautiful, too bad that her way of being makes it seem that she is rude

ynfan2 love u gf

Liked by k.mbappe, neymarjr, and 217,728 others

ynusername le temps de l'amour

View all 1,263 comments

k.mbappe You look amazing 😍🤤🔥🔥

ynfan1 DAMN MAMA

mbappegirl GIRL WHY U NEVER SMILE

ynfan2 we love you!!!!!!

forkyky you all the time: 😐

ethanmbappe 🖤✨

Liked by ynusername and 1,273 others

ynkyliannews Y/N was spotted having dinner with a friend. @ynusername

View all 128 comments

mbappegirl she never smiles like that when she is with kylian 🫢

mrsmbappe nah, for real… kylian deserves a person who treats him better.

ynfan1 y/n and kylian have always had a private relationship, she doesn't need to be smiling to show that she makes him happy

psgfan c’mon…

forkyky 🤔

kyliangf kylian is not the problem in this relationship and we all know that…

Liked by ynusername, leomessi, and 3,584,026 others

k.mbappe De retour avec mes bébés maintenant.🇫🇷🥳

View all 11,237 comments

mbappegirl how can this BABY date that girl? 😭

mrsmbappe she doesn’t even comment on his posts, omg! 🫠

psgfan playing break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored

ynfan1 KYLIAN WE WANT A COUPLE PIC

⤷ forkyky we don’t want a pic, we want him to break up.

⤷ ynfan1 @forkyky shut up

tchaga_ ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Liked by k.mbappe, ynusername, and 4,268 others

ynkyliannews Kylian looks so cute in this photoshoot. 🥺

View all 347 comments

mbappegirl let’s protect him for his own girlfriend 😭

ynfan1 y’all always act like she’s forcing him to date her, leave her alone!!!!

forkyky he’s such a cute and kind person, can’t say the same about his gf

ynfan2 why do you hate y/n so much? everyone has different personality

mbappemine if kylian is with her it's because she makes him happy, so as fas we must respect and support him.

Liked by ynusername, k.mbappe, and 107.827 others

ynkyliannews Lately I've only been reading absurd comments about Y/N and I came to say that in these two years of relationship, they've always been VERY happy together. Kylian has always been honest about his feelings and i'm sure if she was mean to him they wouldn't be together. Y/N was with him through the worst and best moments of his life, always supporting him and making him smile. That's her way of being and it's not you who have to dictate how she should or shouldn't be.

View all 678 comments

mbappemine SPILL!!!!!!

ynfan1 THANK YOU!

ynfan2 thank you for talking about this because people talked like she treated kylian poorly

mbappeyours kylian shared this on his story ����

kyksbaby i hope she’s fine :( she looks so cute!!!!!

Liked by ethanmbappe, jkeey4, and 5,346,728 others

k.mbappe I heard about some comments going around about Y/N and I was disappointed to read some. This woman was by my side in my saddest moments and happiest moments, many times she is the starting point for all my peaks of uninterrupted happiness. We always had a private relationship, but I say here with all the certainty in the world that I am very happy next to this amazing, loving and generous woman. I honestly, truly, completely love her.

View all 16,726 comments

ynusername you know i'm not good with words, but the only thing that matters to me is that you know how much i love you and how important you are to me. i love you in ways i have never loved anyone else.

mbappemine so happy for you guys :(

kyksbaby your happiness is what matters to us

ynfan1 kylian killing his own “fans”, as he should.

mbappeyours we will always support both of you 💗

ethanmbappe dopest person everrrr 🔥 love you sis

jkeey4 she’s fire 🥳🔥

[solarwoniii]

tfw . . . i love you ! yang jungwon

angsty fluff ! boyfriend ! won x fem ! reader !

synopsis ; you're convinced that jungwon is the happiest, most cheerful person you have ever known, always. but coming home one day to find your boyfriend in a horrible mood helps you come to the realisation that even the happiest people have their bad days.

wc ; 0.9k

you were completely sure that you knew every little thing about the boy you were dating.

his favourite colour.

his favourite food.

his favourite place to go.

but clearly you had known nothing at all. because your boyfriend, yang jungwon, was full of surprises.

when you arrived home, you expected to be greeted by a hug, like you usually were. maybe a nice dinner as a reward for your promotion and your hard work.

honestly, you didn't know what to expect. jungwon showed his love and appreciation for you in a lot of different ways. all you wanted was to spend time with him tonight after a long week of non-stop work.

but when you came through the door, the 'welcome home' hug you had been looking forward to never arrived. instead you were not-so warmly welcomed by nothingness.

it was dark. so dark you could see nothing. jungwon never left all the lights off. he was afraid of the dark.

so why would the lights be off?

you took your phone out of your pocket and turned on the flash light, using it to help guide your steps upstairs to your shared bedroom.

when you opened the door you were shocked. he was buried under the warm comforter, completely silent and motionless.

jungwon had gone to bed... early?

he was usually up until at least midnight. right now it was only eight o' clock.

now you were worried.

was he not feeling well?

was he angry at you?

did you do something to upset him?

you tried to think back to the events that occurred this morning. you showered, brushed your teeth, woke him up when you noticed he was still in bed and then made breakfast for both yourself and you half-asleep boyfriend.

did you forget to give him a hug? once you'd done that and he had gotten so upset that he wouldn't speak to you until you bought him flowers and cuddled him to sleep to make up for the hug he'd missed out on.

but that definitely wasn't the case today. you vividly remembered giving him two hugs this morning because he was shaken from a nightmare he had.

you closed the bedroom door behind you and crept over to him, kneeling down beside the bed so you were at eye-level with his gorgeous sleeping face.

"baby~" you whispered, putting a hand on his cheek and kissing his forehead, "are you okay?"

jungwon slowly opened his eyes, looking at you with what you were sure was the saddest face you had ever seen on him. he was usually so excited to see you, he would shower you with kisses and hugs and love as soon as his eyes had meet yours.

you furrowed your eyebrows, examining his face. was this a prank? he loved to pull pranks like these on you. he claimed it was 'cute' how worried you got for him.

but this definitely was not one of those days. there wasn't a hint of fun in jungwon's eyes. they looked dull and bitter and like he'd been crying.

"hey, what's wrong?" you asked softly.

he didn't respond, rolling over to face the other side, hiding his face under the blanket.

to say you were shocked at his actions would be an understatement. it must have been something huge for him to be reacting like this.

"i see. do you want me to leave you alone then?"

he poked his head out from the covers.

he quickly shook his head no and grabbed your wrist before you could get up to leave.

"you want me to stay?"

he nodded. you smiled.

"okay then. i'll stay."

a few moments of silence between the both of you passed before he looked back at you with a pout and patted the spot in bed beside him, gesturing for you to come and lay with him.

you clambered over him, finding accommodation next to him. he lifted the blankets and spread them on you as well, bringing you close and resting his head in your chest.

"i missed you." he mumbled, closing his eyes and inhaling your sweet scent.

"i missed you too," you said warmly, hand finding the back of his head, fingers running through his silk-soft hair, "is everything okay love?"

he shook his head, biting down on his bottom lip. you cupped his cheek and looked down at him.

"just didn't have a good day." his voice soft as tears pricked at his beautiful eyes, you wiped them away with your thumb.

"do you want to talk about it?"

he shook his head glumly. you smiled understandingly, reaching over to push some hair out of his eyes.

"did you have dinner baby?"

his eyes fell shut again as he blinked back more tears.

"m' not hungry."

"are you sure? i'll cook for you."

he shook his head.

"just wanna stay like this. please?"

"alright." you complied with his request, kissing his temple as you held him close, "i love you," you leaned down and drew another kiss on his cheek, "so much." with one final peck on his lip you closed your eyes and rested your chin against the crown of his head. he didn't respond, but in the way that he tightened his warmth around you, you knew that he appreciated the gesture, and that he would be thanking you in the morning once he regained his usual sense of energetic clinginess around you.

but until then, you were more than happy to lay beside your boyfriend and help him forget about the things that upset him, even if it was only temporary.

my perm taglist ; @hunbun07 @metalchick529 (BABES HI IM SO SORRY I HAVENT BEEN TAGGING YOU IN MY WORKS I KEEP FORGETTING I HAVE A PERM T^T)

[exhaslo]

Hey girl!!! I was wondering if you could write something about yandre!miguel x shy!reader to IFHY by Tyler The creator. If not that’s okayyyy

I had to google the song lyrics to know what it was about haha. Def different for sure...Personally, not my cup of tea, but I can try and make it work.

Also, my next story after Over-Time will be a Yandere!Miguel x Gamer!Reader! So I hope you enjoy that one when it comes out!!!

Warning: Language, thoughts of murder, possessiveness, stalking, thoughts of abuse, kidnapping

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I never would've thought that Feelings could get thrown in the air 'Cause I accidentally caught that I need some new boxing gloves, shit got hectic whenever I fought back For example, ten minutes can't go past without you brushing my thoughts That's fourteen forty a day so I'll say a hundred and forty four times I think about you or something like that Lost match, the fucking thought of you with somebody else I don't like that cellular convos getting left in the wrong 'Cause I get so fucking mad when you don't write back This isn't a song I just happen to rhyme when I get emo And find time to write facts (fuck) I love you

How could anyone ever thought about claiming you as their own? Especially since Miguel had decided to make you his. Not that he officially told anyone, but it should be common knowledge. Miguel spoke to you and that was enough.

He didn't want these feelings at first, because he knew what would happen. You plagued his mind constantly, unable to let him breathe for even a minute. It all started out simple enough, but then it kept getting worse as time went on.

Miguel loathed the thought of someone dating you.

For every second the two of you share a room and you don't look at him, oh it boiled Miguel. How dare you not give him the attention he deserves? How dare you not give your love to him as much as Miguel does for you.

Miguel knew everything about you. Every like and dislike. Miguel knew your pattern going home. He knew how you worked. Miguel followed your every movement.

Miguel did everything in his power to understand you. He would always be right behind you, no matter what.

Don't you realize how much Miguel loves you?

How much you are supposed to love him?

I fucking hate you But I love you I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled You're good at being perfect We're good at being troubled Yeah

I fucking hate you But I love you I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled You're good at being perfect We're good at being troubled Yeah

Miguel had done so much for you. He had tried to hide these obsessive feelings, but how could he? You were beautiful. Miguel went out of his way to make sure you felt loved.

To make sure that you relied on him!

So why the fuck were you not giving him more attention?

Why the fuck were you just stuck at giving Miguel hugs and pats on the shoulder?

Miguel was starting to lose his temper. What did he have to do to get you to understand his feelings? To get you to understand your feelings for him?!

WHY WERE YOU DOING THIS TO HIM?!

Girl you fucking with my emotions The fuck is all this noise about? I even considered picking up smoking You turned to a bitch, who let the dogs out? But in my dog house My bitch is the raddest Crazy who makes me the happiest Can make me the saddest Look, Alice Let's get lost in your wonder-er-land, fuck an atlas You're perfectly perfect for me What the fuck is this, practice? Actually, if you even consider leaving I'll lose a couple screws in due time, I'll stop breathing And you'll see the meaning of stalking When I pop out the dark to find you And that new dude that you're seeing with an attitude Then proceed to fuck up your evening Make sure you never meet again like goddamn vegans 'Cause when I hear your name, I cannot stop cheesing I love you so much that my heart stops beating when you're leaving And I'm grieving and my heart starts bleeding Life without you has no goddamn meaning Sorry I'm passive aggressive for no goddamn reason It's that my mood change like these goddamn seasons I'll fall for you, but I love you

Miguel was furious. How dare you play with his feelings like this? How dare you agree to date anyone else while Miguel was right there for you?

Oh, how Miguel considered following you home.

Oh, how Miguel considered killing that scum of a boyfriend you had.

You were just confused. You just needed to practice with someone, right? You just wanted to be perfect and ready for when you finally confess your feelings to Miguel.

RIGHT?!

Miguel had to keep his cool. He knew that this was just a short-lived practice for you. He still had to be there for you. To show you your mistakes. After all, Miguel couldn't live without you. You belonged to him and you knew that.

You fucking knew that, so why the fuck were you playing this game?

I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled You're good at being perfect We're good at being troubled Yeah

The sky is falling, girl, let's try to catch it The sky is falling, girl, let's try to catch it The sky is falling, girl, let's try to catch it tonight The sky is falling, girl, let's try to catch it The sky is falling, girl, let's try to catch it The sky is falling, bitch, let's try to catch it tonight, come on

The smile Miguel hid as you cried onto his shoulder. Your practice boyfriend didn't understand you as well as Miguel did. He kept hurting you like this. Making you feel like you've done something wrong.

Which you did.

Miguel would just welcome you into his embrace. Comforting you as he thought of about killing that son of a bitch. You were made for Miguel. You were his.

So, Miguel was going to give you a chance to redeem yourself.

This was your last chance.

Come on baby Even though I hate you I still love you I love you And Salem I know I'm passive aggressive (I'm sorry, fuck) (Come here) I like when we hold hands (You're the best around) See I get jealous (fuck) And if I see that nigga (if I see him) I just might kill him (look) (Look, I wanna strangle you, till you stop breathing) Love, love, love (Spend the rest of my life, looking for air) (So you can breathe, or we can die together, you and me) (Fuck, look) I'm in love (love) I'm in love (love)

You were so beautiful. Miguel could never hate you.

But he did.

But he loved you.

You were still with that practice boyfriend, holding his hand as he joined for a work dinner party. Miguel just smiled as he burned holes in that fucking asshole's head.

How dare he claim you.

Unable to withstand this pain, Miguel pulled you to the side. He needed to hear your voice alone. He needed you to want his attention. Miguel just needed you to admit your feelings for him.

As the two of you talked in the balcony, Miguel withheld his breathe as you reached for his hand.

The smile you gave him was unlike any other.

Miguel tuned out your words as he watched your lips move. The temptation to take you away and make you his. How sweet Miguel would treat you.

"Miguel, I'm sorry...but we should see each other less."

And then you had to fuck it up.

You blew your last chance.

I fucking hate you But I love you I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled You're good at being perfect We're good at being troubled Yeah

Yo, so why is Samuel such a fucking dick? He isn't such a badass actually He's only here because he ran away Because some shit happened back, home he's actually a dweeb Yo, what happened?

Washing blood off was no easy task. Hiding the body was much easier.

If only you had admitted your feelings.

If only you weren't being difficult.

Making his way to the basement, Miguel hummed lowly as he faced you. The light was dimmed, but Miguel could see you clear as day. You had a new look in your eyes.

Fear.

Miguel just smiled as he approached you, watching you flinch as he went to hold you. This was your lesson. This was your punishment. You should have listened to Miguel.

Now, you were Miguel's little prisoner. His darling girlfriend. You were never going to go against Miguel's wishes ever again.

"I love you so much, (Y/N)." Miguel chuckled as he kissed your head.

His hand stroked your cheek, waiting for your response.

"I-I....I love you too."

There is was.

Why did it take so long for you to admit that?

But it didn't matter anymore. You were now where you belonged.

With Miguel.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you enjoyed, def different than what I usually write.

Hope I did a decent job with the song tho!!!

[14buddy22]

I saw your appeal for requests specifically based on Taylor Swift songs so I have two for you! Pick the one you like most or write both (or neither) it's up to you!

1. This is me trying - the reader returns to the team after having to take time off because she was injured after being held by an unsub and her return to work hasn't been as smooth as she expected no one except for Hotch (the man she's had romantic tension with for years) seems to notice how she's struggling and he's there to comfort her

2. A little more abstract but based on "I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted" and "I can go anywhere I want just not home" where the team have a case in the readers small home town and memories of their own path surface especially when the team meets her parents in passing. Secret boyfriend Hotch is there to provide comfort and learns a lot about his partner.

This is Me Trying

Being taken and tortured by an unsub is something that no agent wants to ever encounter, but unfortunately train very well for the worst circumstances.

It doesn't matter if you were the happiest person on this earth or the saddest person on the earth, or even just neutral, being taken and tortured not only physically affects you, but mentally and emotionally too.

That's where you were at right now. You were the happiest person in the room, right up there with Garcia. It's something your unit chief admired about you, he even wrote it in your evaluations.

You were put on a month leave from the BAU, but that time was coming to an end now. You were scared to go back. You didn't know if your team would care if you came back, especially Aaron. He told you to take your time getting back.

Well, you were happy to see your team, but scared at the same time. Your team was amazing. You never had to make a meal yourself, were never really alone with yourself.

The one person who was constantly there for you, whether making dinners for you, or having them ordered for your place when the team was out of town, was your unit chief.

Aaron felt guilty. You know he did. You'd never seen him that worked up when they found you in that secluded area, wrist and ankles changed, half your clothes on.

When he found you, you heard the breathless "y/n" on his lips, eyes immediately glazing over with tears when he saw the state you were in. He quickly got you unchained and covered you up with his jacket that he'd taken off. Not wanting anyone else to see you after what he just saw. The bruises, the cuts, the blood dripping from places blood shouldn't drip.

After going to therapy and talking it out, you decided to stop at the BAU, to say hi to everyone. You just wanted to see Aaron. You wanted him to hold you in his arms like he did when he found you, held you the entire way as you sobbed to the hospital. He held you on nights that he didn't have Jack and it was 2am and you woke up from a nightmare.

You two weren't officially a thing, there was romantic tension, for sure, but you weren't sure what would come out of it. All you knew was that he was your comfort person. You felt safe with him. You felt all warm and fuzzy when he was with you.

When you saw the team, you had to put on a happy face. To seem that you were getting better. You were good at faking it. As a profiler, you know what they were looking for, that's why you were trying to outsmart them. You walked into the BAU singing one of your favorite songs just like how you would start your day before your kidnapping. You'd crack a joke, everyone would laugh, and then you'd give Derek shit for wearing shirts too small just so they can show his muscles off.

As you made your way up to Aaron's office to say hello and goodbye super quick, you just stood in his doorway looking at him. All you could think about was how this was the last place you were at, telling him that you had a gut feeling something was going to go wrong that day you were taken. A flood of memories from that week coming back to you. Just thinking about how he was the one to come into that room and get you first. To see you at the lowest point in your life.

After staring far too long, and not wanting to cry at the flashbacks, you finally knocked on his door, forcing him to stop working on reports and look up.

The breathless, "y/n" fell from his lips as he immediately stood up and walked over to hug you. He slightly pulled you into his office and closed the door behind him.

He never let go of a hug until you let go. He didn't think you ever noticed but you picked up on it.

"How are you?"

"I don't know what to say, Hotch. I'm-I'm here. This is me trying."

Aaron just nodded and pulled you into a hug again. Your life was crashing down right now. You don't know if you'd ever be able to stand tall enough to come back to this team.

After leaving the BAU, you made your way to the bar.

You'd been having a hard time adjusting, the once happiest girl on the team was now just okay. As you sat on a bar stool talking to a guy who had taken way to much interest in you, you decided to pour your heart out.

"I'm an FBI agent. I know I'm young, but I'm on the best profiling team in the country. I was so far ahead of everything, and now I've fallen behind everything. Now I'm pouring my heart out to a stranger in a bar."

You were texting Aaron simultaneously. Explaining that you were so far ahead of everyone, and now you're behind. Explained that you were okay physically, but now everything was getting you better mentally.

Getting your texts, Aaron knew you weren't okay. Hell, he knew from the minute he found you, you would never be okay again. You couldn't fool anyone. He'd been taken and tortured before. He's had to cry alone in the middle of the night because he can't get over what happened to him. He needed to protect you. He loved you. You don't know that, but he loved you.

When Aaron walked into the bar, he didn't expect to see you talking with a stranger, but he knew you were drunk. The texts from his phone to prove it. You did it quite often lately.

"Come on, honey. Let's get you home."

When you felt his hand on your back, you didn't even get worried about who it was. You knew it was his hand. The very hand that was comforting when he found you. That very hand who held your own hand in the ambulance as you rode to the hospital. It was that very same hand that wiped your tears at 2am when you woke up crying in the hospital room. You knew it was Aaron.

Aaron paid for your tab. Not worried about the amount. He just needed to get you home.

As he grabbed your hand, he pulled you off the stool and pulled you through the bar. Getting you in the front seat, buckling you up, and then he began the drive back to his apartment.

He got you water as you sat on the couch and quickly began to sober up.

"I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I'm trying, Aaron. I'm scared to fall asleep at night, always thinking he's going to break into my house. I know you killed him, but that thought still lingers."

"I know you're trying, but you don't need to get wasted every night. You can't pour your heart out to a stranger, you can't down bottles of whiskey every night."

"This is me trying. It's hard to be at work when I feel like an open wound. It's hard when I see you every single day and you're like a flashback in a film reel from the worst day of my life."

Aaron wiped your tear and you whispered, "So give me credit because I'm still alive. I'm still trying."

"And I love you for still trying. I'm going to help you. You're never going to know a life without me. I'm going to help you, honey."

[ithebookhoarder]

Marc and Steven with a Murdock? Like Daredevil?? If you want, of course ❤️🖤

The Moon Boys with a Murdock!Reader

A/N: Of course I want to! 😆 I'm only sorry it took me so long to answer this. However, I seem to be on a roll today - I can't believe I've got two requests out?! Like, who even am I?

Masterlist

As you said with a Murdock, I’m going with a sibling vibe here which would be pretty adorable anyway as Matt would be such a good brother if he’d ever had the chance.

He would be incredibly close with you and take his role as your protector as seriously as he takes his role as the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. 

You’re the only one he lets know his true self as you’ve been through everything he has. You’ve shared the happiest and saddest moments of your lives together and the bond it forged is as strong as vibranium.

It holds you both together, not matter what you go through or where you end up - including when you both end up at colleges on opposite sides of the country. 

You’re extremely careful to never let him pull too far away from you, even when he gets in one of his moods. In fact, you’re sure to turn up and let yourself in to his apartment when he goes too quiet and even Foggy can’t seem to pull him out of the darkness that haunts him. 

It’s why you don’t run away when the Moon Boys come crashing in to your lives. The chaos that seems to follow them and their fears that they are too much for you is honestly familiar. Every attempt to push you away only makes you draw nearer - first as a friend, later as something more. 

You’d probably meet Moon Knight first around New York. I mean, it's kind of hard not to come across him, given what Matt does and how chaos seems to find its way into your lives.

He'd be the latest adoptee into the Defenders / New York 'Avengers reject club' (your name for the gang, not theirs...) so you'd quickly end up involved in each other's lives.

You'd bond pretty quickly, once you get to know one another without the personas and danger. After all, I think Steven would be eager to find friends who aren't necessarily supers and just like to drink coffee, read novels and go to the dog park at the weekend.

He'd be super keen to get to know you. You're one of the only people who get what their life is like, but also have a foot in the real world.

You'd win over Marc later on, wearing him down with your positivity and unwavering optimism (and also Steven will not shut up about you).

You're not afraid of the darker parts of their world, and become a much needed safe space for Marc, once he lets his guard down.

For instance, you'd be great at patching him up - having had enough practise on Matt over the years. You're also used to having someone nocturnal in the house, coming and going at all hours of the night. Plus, you can obviously be trusted to keep a secret or two.

If anything, Marc's only reluctant to let you get close to him as he doesn't want to taint you. To ruin something so bright and wonderful by dragging you into his darkness.

If Matt's ok with putting you in danger, then that's up to him as your brother. You're family. But for Marc and Steven to do that? It's a line they're unwilling to cross... until you prove to them you aren't going anywhere. That you can handle yourself and that you're already in this mess anyway, so why shouldn't you both be happy?

From that moment on, there's no looking back for any of you. You're leaping in to this together head first, and soon enough you can't imagine life any other way.

Matt, however, can.

Let's be real, he wouldn’t be the biggest fan of Steven and Marc. In fact, he’d be pretty against your relationship the minute he finds out about it. 

One, because he thinks no one is worthy of you.

Two, because he hates the idea of you getting hurt or being in danger and being in a relationship with multiple people who all serve an ancient Egyptian deity as his personal vigilante is the very definition of dangerous. 

"I... I can't even begin to understand how you could possibly think this is a good idea? At all? He - they - are literally the puppets of an Egyptian god - a GOD, Y/N. You don't want to get in the middle of all that?"

You quickly remind him how he gave a similar speech to Karen when he found out about her and Frank Castle seeing each other, and that didn't work. Last time you checked, they're still blissfully in love.

"Besides, Matthew! You're the one who goes running around at night, getting in fights, wearing a glorified halloween costume. Like, I am the SANE sibling here. ALSO! Marc and Steven were forced into their situation. They didn't go looking for it like a crazy nut job. So, yeah. I think if anything, you don't have a leg to stand on here!"

Matt would be able to sense who was fronting the moment they appeared. He’d be able to recognise them from the way their heart is beating and their mannerisms the second they stepped through the door, which is helpful but also incredibly unsettling. 

Steven would brush it off, seeing it as Matt just being a kind brother to you. However, I think Marc would have more of a problem with Matt’s hostility, and enhanced senses. It puts him on edge to know they are being so closely scrutinised. 

They also have the same temperament so I can imagine there will be more than a few clashes in the beginning, their similar brusque natures making it hard for them to not bump heads. 

However, after Matt learns about Marc’s DID and his childhood trauma I think he’d be more sympathetic. After all, you both didn’t have the easiest childhood either. 

He also knows what it’s like to live with a condition that can make your life harder but also makes you unique. 

According to the comics, both of them are known to be good detectives and also keen boxers. I can totally see them building a reluctant respect for one another after they realise they have more in common than just their love for you. 

In fact, I know you’d have to pull them out of the ring after Marc agrees to a sparring match with the famous ‘Devil’. The pair of them would get a weird pleasure from trying to beat the other to a pulp - they don’t often find someone evenly matched to have a friendly bout or two with. 

At least it would once again prove to Matt that your boys could definitely take care of you if you ever needed it. 

Matt would definitely be sure to offer his legal advice whenever he’s concerned you both might be skating on thin ice with the law. Apparently, ‘I’m being controlled by an Ancient Egyptian God’ hasn’t ever been tried as a legal defence in the American justice system before… and Matt is oddly willing to try it. 

[oblivionsdream]

Hey @oblivionsdream !

I have 2 questions - bear with me…

As you know, I love your work, but have only just recently started actively engaging with it.

I actually first came across you and your Jester x knight OC’s at least a year or two ago, when a fellow DinLuke shipper tagged it with #dinluke, so it showed up on my feed. If you aren’t into Star Wars and are unfamiliar with it - that’s the romantic pairing between Din Djarin (the Mandalorian) and Luke Skywalker.

For a while, I actually thought that it was a medieval DinLuke au because there are quite a few fanarts exploring that ship in different universes (including ours) and different timelines, etc.

One of the things that lent credence to this idea was the fact that the king looks so much like the Jedi, Quinlan Vos.

The characters do also closely match the personalities that a lot of the fandom have collectively given Din and Luke on tumblr - like Luke actually being a feral mischievous gremlin underneath his serene Jedi facade, and Din actually being the more composed (and often lovingly exasperated) of the two.

It was a surprise when I looked more into it and realised that they are original characters, completely unrelated to DinLuke and Star Wars as a whole.

So I guess I’m just curious what was the inspiration behind the Jingly Menace and his steadfast, taciturn knight? Was it a song or a meme or just watching a medieval show and during a scene with a jester, you had a sudden burst of creative juices like “Eureka! Pretty jester x hot knight!”

Sorry if you’ve already answered this and I’ve just missed it while scrolling through your page.

My other question (this I know has been queried to JM himself but he nervously evaded the question) when JM is shown crying in one of the first pictures you posted of him, what was the actual reason that you had in mind behind it? Was it just simply because his attempts to get the hot mysterious knights attention had thus far been unsuccessful (from his perspective anyway) and he succumbed to a private moment of vulnerability?

Every time I look at it, I’m dying to know!

Anyway, love you! Hope the JM comic is still on the horizon at some point - coz I would buy and read the crap out of it!

Hey there!

I honestly had no idea what DinLuke is though I've seen the tags. My knowledge of Star Wars comes from whatever I have absorbed against my will being online and when my best friend made me watch the prequels a few years ago 😂

So Jester solely came to be because I've loved jesters for many years at this point. I just find them fun but there's never enough content for them out there so I just wanted to make my own oc. I also just love trickster characters- anything fae like or I always adored Loki in Norse mythology so he's very based into those kind of mischievous vibes and humor.

Augustine was purely accidental. I saw some Tumblr post about a knight or maybe it was about a jester and a knight (I no longer remember) so I thought it would be funny to doodle Jester with a random knight being a menace asking him about his big sword. Augustine was never supposed to be a character. But then I just kept coming up with other ideas for Jester and this random knight whose face he never saw and whelp here we are.

Soooo the crying. It was definitely a private moment no one else was supposed to witness. Part of something I find interesting with playing with Jester's character is the idea that sometimes the seemingly happiest and funniest people are also the saddest but they just cover it up with a smile. His backstory before coming to the castle is still something that affects him but also he feels lonely at court. He constantly craves the validation of attention he didnt really get as a kid and is constantly surrounded by people but also he feels very lonely in court. He is in a strange place of being neither noble but also not quite a commoner/servant. Nobility will look down on him and not take him serious because he's just a silly guy but the servants are wary to get too close because of his close relationship with the king and the fact that he technically has a higher status as Court Jester. He is one of Monty's closest confidantes but his own secrets keep him from being fully honest with his king. It's a strange place of feeling alone in the middle of a crowded court where everyone sees his silly jester persona and make up but no one sees beneath it.

I still hope to make a comic! Just trying to find the time to get all my ideas in order. Thanks for liking my silly guys!

[tellsjokes-movedbacktomulti]

songs and quotes for the muse ☆ ( under the cut )

tagged by: stole from @spiritdreamt tagging: youuuuu

five SONGS for my muse:

scrawny by wallows: Still wear the same shoes I did back then / I'd switch it up but I don't like change / Scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle / I say the wrong shit at the right times, If I'm offending them I don't mind / You don't like my clothes but you still like my smile / They might think they're cooler than me by a mile / I can still have wisdom and look like a child.

i don't smoke by mitski: I don't smoke except for when I'm missing you / So if you need to be mean be mean to me, I can take it and put it inside of me / if your hands need to break more than trinkets in your room, you can lean on my arm as you break my heart / just don't leave me alone, wondering where you are / I am stronger than you give me credit for

look who's inside again by bo burnham: trying to be funny and stuck in a room / try making faces, try telling jokes, making little sounds / I was a kid who was stuck in his room. there isn't much more to say about it / when you're a kid and you're stuck in your room you'll do any old shit to get out of it / Well, well look who's inside again / went out to look for a reason to hide again / well, well buddy, you found it / now, come out with your hands up. we've got you surrounded

seventeen going under by sam fender: I remember the sickness was forever / That's the thing, it lingers and claws you when you're down / I was far too scared to hit him but I would hit him in a heartbeat now / see I spent my teens enraged, spiralin' in silence / and I armed myself with a grin 'cause I was always the fuckin' joker, buried in their humor / God, the kid looks so sad / I see my mother

sloppy seconds by watsky: I don't care where you've been, how many miles, I still love you / show me someone who says they got no baggage, I'll show you somebody whose got no story / my favorite sweater was a present that I got a couple presidents ago and I promised that I would rock it till it's thread bare / every single person gotta couple skeletons / and there is not a single place that I would rather be / I'm fucked up just like you are, and you're fucked up just like me

five QUOTES for my muse:

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” - Robin Williams

“When Mom scolded you freely, you more frequently called her Mom. The word ‘Mom’ is familiar and it hides a plea: Please look after me. Please stop yelling at me and stroke my head; please be on my side, whether I’m right or wrong. You never stopped calling her Mom.” — Kyung-sook Shin, Please Look After Mom

"I want you to know that it is okay not to love me. [ … ] You are not the first person. I want you to know that you are not the first who found it a little too tough, who took two steps back when my jaws started snapping."

"Oh, I could call you names now. List a hundred reasons for why you were awful. But what would that do? Where would it leave me? I still loved you. I still have to live with that."

“in a dream I saw my mother with the love of her life and no children; it was the happiest i'd ever seen her" ―  Rupi Kaur, The sun and her flowers

[warden-melli]

So we know that Melli Pretends to have another personally. Like he pushes people away with a completely different personality than is naturally shy one. Does this mean that people have hurt him in the past due to this? Because normal people, who aren't hurt by others, don't push others away from themselves by having a different personality. This just makes me sad for him, that people have hurt or even used him due to him being shy.

I feel it’s very much open for interpretation. It’s an interesting angle to examine his character from, even if I don’t share that headcanon/interpretation. While it’s true that Melli has adopted a different personality, I personally don’t believe that the intention in him doing so is to “drive people away” at all, actually it’s the opposite. He’s just really bad at it

Mai tells us that Melli’s goal in life is to help Adaman become a great leader, and it was the declaration of that goal that accompanied his change in persona. Melli is a naturally shy person, so in order to help Adaman, Melli felt it was necessary to change the way he presented himself in order to be the type of person that could help Adaman achieve that goal. That if he was seen as meek, timid and unsure of himself, that he would never be taken seriously. That he wouldn’t be good enough.. So he had to be great. It was more a fear of not being perceived as good enough, not a confirmed reaction to any specific act of trauma that caused Melli to adopt his persona. He is “fake it till you make it” personified, the only problem is that he never did “make” it, so he just comes off as fake. Because he is.

As a naturally shy person, Melli truly lacks the understanding of what it means to truly be confident, so the persona that he presents is more of a caricature of what he believes a confident person to be, resulting in an over exaggerated performance of “confidence” by a person who is not confident in the slightest. I think an important aspect of Melli’s character is that he genuinely doesn’t know that he is being perceived as arrogant, he thinks he’s performing confidence. He doesn’t necessarily think he’s being rude, he is trying to be assertive. The same lack of social skills that facilitated his shyness, now render him incapable of correctly interpreting how others perceive him at all. He genuinely believes that he has everyone fooled, that his act is flawless and that no one can tell that he isn’t still that same, shy little boy from all those years ago. And he’s partially right, because to a lot of people he is not perceived as shy or insecure anymore, but as overconfident and stuck up. This is ironic because in his attempt to be seen as someone more likeable and worthy of being included, he has accidentally presented a persona that has instead pushed others away

It could actually be argued that his entire motivation in the plot of PLA is to actually be more included, not to push people away. He’s is upset and confused when he isn’t invited to the meeting about Lord Electrode. He is actively distressed and insulted by being asked to let you handle the situation with Lord Electrode without his help, and asks to be included in the plan later on in the plot, becoming angry and upset when Adaman turns his help down. He seems deeply upset that Adaman intends to rely on other people, including the player character, instead of him. The entirety of the duration of PLA, Melli is advocating to be included, and all of his purposefully antagonistic behaviour during the events of the plot can be linked to situations where Melli is insulted or excluded in some way, especially by Adaman, the person he looks up to (metaphorically lol) more than anyone in the world. Melli’s happiest moment in the entirety of the game is actually when Adaman chooses to invite him to battle alongside him down in Jubilife village, finally being included by Adaman after being pushed away the entire game

Personally I think the saddest part of this interpretation is that the tremendous and years long effort he has put into masking his true self is most likely unnecessary, and its his own anxiety and lack of self worth, not any real tangible threat of rejection or incompetence thats lead him to act this way. He appears to be an extremely gifted singer and performer, and there is supplemental material that indicates that he is generally pretty well liked in his community. He was also able to achieve the position of warden, something unlikely if he wasn’t a capable person, regardless what persona he presents. Even his main goal in life, dedicating himself to helping someone else to achieve the honour becoming a great leader, as opposed to trying to become a great leader himself, highlights his lack of self worth, as it doesn’t even seem to have crossed his mind in the slightest that he could be capable/worthy of achieving something like that for himself. Quite the contrast to the persona of “the great Melli”, but that’s precisely the point, isn’t it?

But this is just my interpretation of course, and while I don’t really see any evidence that mistreatment is the reason behind Melli adopting his persona, that doesn’t mean its not a valid, and super interesting interpretation. I think it would be incredibly tragic to learn that he has been hurt in his past, especially with how dedicated he seems to be to his people, their leader and their beliefs. I would feel sad for him too :(

[somethingsomethingwords]

Ok so, here is another one. This is a little bit different from what I usually write or even like reading, but alas, sometimes an idea just enters your brain and just doesn't leave. Also this one has a title ig. So here it is. I hope you'll like it. Enjoy 💜

Of course I wanted you to stay

(but you didn't, no you didn't, no you didn't)

Lance was so full of adrenaline he almost dropped the mic. He was shaking from head to toe, but there was a huge grin on his face.

There was no sadness, because even if this was the last concert of the tour, it had been one of his best ones like, ever.

Also he was home, so he knew that after all the crazy partying he would do tonight, tomorrow he'd meet his sister, he'd go to that bakery that sells the best cupcakes, and he'd be able to roam the streets with his thick glasses and ugly beanie and scarf combos, and no one would recognise him.

But still, that's tomorrow. In that moment, there was the encore.

It was always different, so it was always special, but that day even more so. It was composed of three of his older songs, about pain and heartache and moving on despite the past, maybe in spite of it. He loved it very much. Because he was home, singing his first hits and he was ending one of the happiest and saddest tours of his life.

It had started great, new album, in love and energetic. Then he was left behind, alone and with nothing to show for it. Because it had to stay a secret. He had to keep his love secret. He had had no one to complain to, because the only people who knew would have been put in an uncomfortable situation, and he didn't want that. So he hid his hurt and did what he always did. He put it in his music. He sang his pain until the only hurt he could feel was the one in his throat.

It really had been a rollercoaster. But now it was the end, everything was better, and he wanted to send a last fuck you. He may have matured, but nothing would make him lose his pettiness.

So he sang.

Are you sorry like you weren't at the time?

Loving you was easy,

that's why it hurts now

The worst way to love somebody

is to watch them love somebody else

and it works out now

And sang.

Cause someone loved me,

someone fucking loved me

Someone fucking loved me,

I loved him too

Goddamn it, I was worth something,

I fuckin' earned something

I have a right to die, a right to live,

a right to choose, too. And God, no!

Of course I don't wanna feel better!

Can you fucking imagine?!

And sang.

Because, in the end,

you can see how much I loved you

from the fact that I'm fine now

It's a lie, but I say it anyhow

He put every single emotion into these songs, and finally let them go.

When the crowd roared, it all exploded.

He felt a solitary tear wet his face, but nothing could have stolen his smile. He waited for his band, then bowed and left the stage.

The night was young and he was feeling free and wild. And quite hungry, actually.

So he took his band to his favourite pub. They ate, and drank, and ate some more.

On the taxi towards his house, Lance realised that, no matter how much it had hurt, he didn't regret having what he had with Fernando.

Even the tears, even the heartbreak, they all shaped the person he was today.

He liked to think he was loyal, and dependable and kind. But most importantly, he liked to think he was better than the person he was yesterday.

His house appeared, and after paying and tipping the taxi driver, he opened the door.

Yeah, it was big and a little bit empty and a little bit cold. A little bit like his heart. But it was something to be proud of, because it was his, and he was working on it.

---

The next day he really started to rethink all of this rock star thing.

His head pounded with his heartbeat and his mouth tasted rancid.

He got up and drank some water, downing a couple of aspirins for his headache.

After the shower he felt somewhat normal, and decided to go out for breakfast.

He reached his favourite bakery and ordered two pastries to go. He wanted to retreat and lay warmly in front of the fireplace.

Lance noticed him as soon as he stepped out, but he decided to ignore him. His house wasn't that far, he could reach it quickly and without having to talk to him. For once, he wanted to thank whoever made him with long legs.

But even if he could go fast without running, so could the other.

They walked in silence, side by side, for a few minutes.

When the silence and the presence were getting to him, he abruptly stopped and turned towards the other man.

"What do you want?"

Fernando didn't deserve kindness nor gentleness. He forfeited those when he left Lance. Via text. Without explanation and blocking him immediately after.

Lance had spent too many days crying; now he wanted nothing to do with the man.

"Hello Lance. Was just around" he said, as if it explained why he was in Canada and not in England, in Monaco, hell even at home in Spain.

Lance huffed and started moving again, having had more than enough, but stopped when he felt a firm grip on his wrist.

He stared at the hand on his arm with wide eyes, before raising them to Nando's face.

"You have three seconds to either take your hand off or have it broken" he said shakily.

There must have been something in his voice that made the threat a real one, because suddenly he was free again.

"Lance, am sor..." Nando started.

"Shut up before I make you. We can't discuss here, someone could recognise you. Come to my house" surely not his finest moment, but all Lance could feel was fury. Still, he wasn't raising his voice, so he could consider it a win.

you are still protecting him, Este's voice said in his mind.

shut up, of course I am, but what else could he do?

They arrived at his house. He quickly opened the door and closed it when Fernando got in.

"You have no right to come here with your flimsy excuse and expect me to be ok with it. Now, tell me what you want and get the hell out of my house" there, simple and direct.

For a moment, Fernando seemed seriously sorry. But Lance didn't care. He was the one left behind, the one who had to pick up his pieces when he fell apart. He healed as best as he could, and he would not apologise for building up his defences.

"Lance, I am really sorry, for what's worth. I want to explain"

"You are a few months too late. At this point, I don't even know if I care. I only ever asked one thing, Alonso. One. I was ok with being kept a secret, and avoiding being seen together, and the distance. I only asked you to openly communicate and shit like that. You just left without a word" now that he had started, he couldn't seem to stop.

"You knew, I told you why I wanted that. Why I needed you to be honest and open, yet you just disappeared. I had to ask Este, who had to ask Mick. And for what. To be told that you had a new model girlfriend? So no, Alonso, I don't care anymore. It would just reopen old wounds. Now go, I'm sure you have somewhere else to be"

and someone else to be with, it wasn't said but both could hear it.

"That's not right. I have nowhere to go. Am alone, Lance" he said, something hurt and teary in his voice.

Lance was about to replicate, sharp words already on the tip of his tongue, when something in Nando's expression made him stop. His eyes showed how open he was being, how vulnerable.

Lance sighed, and led the man into the living room, making him sit on the couch, while he went into the kitchen and brought back two glasses of water. He would have preferred something stronger, but this felt too important of a moment to have it tainted by alcohol and not being in the right mind.

He sat on the opposite side of the couch, and waited for the other to start talking.

"First of all, am sorry, really. I knew it would hurt you, how I left you, but I did it anyway. And I know you have no reason to believe me or care. Am here because I believe you deserve the truth about everything"

He seemed honest, but Lance wouldn't trust him so easily, not again.

"What are you hoping for with your confession months later, mh? I'm not going to obediently come back to you, waiting to be heartbroken again. You're not gonna fuck me and leave, either. So, what do you want?" he was probably being unfair to the other man, but anger and confusion had never been a good mix of emotions for him.

"Lance, I would never..."

"Like you would never leave, Alonso? Don't make promises you can't keep and don't say things you don't mean" he interrupted, harsh and stubborn.

"You are right. I made promises and then I broke them and betrayed your trust. But I need you to know I had reasons. Not perfect, not good, but I had them" and goddamnit, Lance could feel himself beginning to soften.

just listen to him, said his conscience, suspiciously sounding like Mick.

"Would you care to explain them?" Was he being sarcastic or curious? He himself didn't know.

"Of course. Someone was starting to notice some...changes in me. I was happier, nicer, smiled more. Someone I don't like said something in a way I didn't like. Made me understand that he knew something was up, and would ruin me. So I decided that I needed to protect myself, to protect you. Left you because I couldn't see you. I knew I'm not strong enough to leave you if I saw you"

It all sounded logical, from a certain point of view, but Lance knew there was more, so he waited for the other to continue.

After a few seconds, Fernando raised his eyes, looking at Lance, before turning them down again.

"I didn't like the weakness. All the time, I was thinking about you, wanted you near. It was too much. So I thought I could just stay away, and forget about it"

about you, was left unsaid.

"And can you? Forget about it?" Lance not only wanted to know. He needed to, before going on with the conversation. He could feel his hands beginning to shake and his eyes starting to water, but he had to be sure.

Fernando immediately raised his eyes, and spoke with a tone determined and something like hope in his eyes.

"Of course I can't. I'm here right now, begging for a second chance" he said pleadingly.

"Then beg" Lance said, not meanly, but he also wasn't feeling particularly charitable, and it was better to make some things clear from the beginning: he wasn't going to repeat the same mistakes. He wasn't the young man staring at his teen crush, starry eyed and in love and grateful for every scrap of attention and affection. He was older, maybe a little bit more bitter, a little bit wiser. Fernando left some marks onto his heart, and he wasn't going to refresh them for nothing less than certainty.

"Lance, please give me another chance. I know I fucked up, was so wrong. I'm begging you, let me fix this. However long it takes, is ok. Just, tell me you'll think about forgiving me, and starting again" he was being so earnest, how could Lance resist?

"Even if I forgive you, and it's a big if, I'm not going to forget anytime soon, ok? I'll need time and space and for you to make an effort" he really was weak for this man, but who could blame him, he spent half his childhood idolizing him and then he met him and fell in love.

"Will do whatever it takes. But let me, please"

Realising all the air stuck in his lungs, Lance sighed.

"Ok"

He didn't even finish the word that Fernando picked him up and spun Lance around, making him laugh despite himself.

Fernando finally put him down, and took his hand to kiss it, maintaining the eye contact for a few seconds.

Lance could feel himself blushing, and quickly shook his head, still smiling.

After a few seconds of just getting reacquainted with one another, Fernando broke the silence.

"I liked the show yesterday. Especially the encore"

And now Lance was definitely blushing. His encore had been designed as a way of finally letting go, one last screw you to the man now in front of him. But he couldn't say that to him, even if it was pretty clear.

It would have been childish to throw shades at Fernando in one of his concerts, no?

"Yeah, I was inspired, I guess" his smile smaller but still there.

"Fuck the guy who made you suffer, the bastard" and in his jokingly way, Nando was telling him that he wasn't angry, and that they would be ok.

"Yeah, fuck him"