#UGH GOD OMFG…
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OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE SAIOUMA WHAT THE FUCK UGHDJKSJDIAKDKKSJEKDKCN PLS WHY ARE SAIOUMA FANFIC WRITERS ALLERGIC TO FUCKING HAPPINESS WTF (i just read 25,244 on ao3 and i’m CRUMBLING…)
anyone seeing this pls recommend fics that are angsty with a happy ending or something because I CANT KEEP READING ANGST ONLY… (i literally read dear saihara~ last week bro,,)
#sad gay people wtf#saiouma#oumasai#kiss kiss#fanfic recs#danganronpa#danganronpav3#drv3#pls i can’t keep reading pure angst it’s giving me mental turmoil#i can’t do this wtf i’m actually crying#AND ITS ALWAYS FUCKING KOKICHI R U KIDDING ME#UGH GOD OMFG…#YALL DONT LET THIS GREMLIN CATCH A BREAK…#i’m actually sobbing please i need some fluff
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John dory and guy diamond would be sooo interesting together because like their first interactions would probably be something like guy diamond yelling things like "YOU LET MY BABY DRIVE YOUR VEHICLE" at JD and hes just like "um her name is rhonda" and guy diamonds like "YOU LET MY B A B Y DRIVE YOUR R H O N D A" and its very wild and guy diamonds questioning why he ever liked brozone and then TINY DIAMOND pops uh like "daddeh stop yelling at uncle JD, i had my learners permit!!" And guy diamonds turns to look at his son so gosh darn quick and he yells out "W H O??!!??!!??!!" And its a whole mess
#why dont i write fanfiction#i have so many ideas and so little time#curse you job#AUUUGGGGGGHHHH#trolls#trolls band together#trolls world tour#?#ig#john dory#guy diamond#tiny diamond#itd be sooo fun to write this out#and omg imagine JD and floyd move in with branch and that causes the two to now be seen more around pop village#and guy diamonds quietly screaming inside because oh my god the guy who put my child in absolute danger now lives just a few steps away omfg#he'd be so dramatic abt it omg#ugh i love me#i also need to rewatch the movies
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hi evie !! how have you been ? :33 i hope you dont mind me borrowing you and moze for something ehehe <3
#🐦⬛🐕 .#彡 nick!#彡 inbox.#evie.ss#omg good morning nick! my stomach literally twisted and flipped seeing this /pos /POS /the most positive gut wrenching feeling in existence#NICK AND THE REASON WAS ? WHY DO U NOT HAVE A KOFI LINK WHERE IS IT …. THIS ISNT OK I NEED TO FIND IT???? U CANNOT BE … BE …. BE UM … YOU K#I NEED TO 😭😭😭 I NEED ….. IS IT OBVIOUSLY IM CRYING WRITING THINSSJSJSN /pos /ULTRA POS THIS IS SO CUTE UR ART IS SOOOO AWESME IM SO IN AWE😭#typos: obvious* <- & barrier* -> amazing work evie#i broke the sound banner with the screech i made seeing this …. YOU … YOU DREW ME … THE EXACT WAY ….. I .. ITS SO SPOT ON I ????? I … IM#FLABBERGASTED . SHELL SHOCKED . GOBSMACKED IM SO OBSESSED WITH HOW U DID MY HAIR …. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I DO MY HAID … AND THE CURLS ARE LI#LIKE THAT… IM SO OBSESSED WITH UR STYLE JSJSJJD HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID IT???? UR STYLE IS MMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! 1000/1000!!!!!! in specif#the colors … the colors are gorgeous and sooo nice to gaze at … the little wings … HOW DID YOU KNOW I LIKE- IM SO . (hugs knees and cries#YOU DREW THAT DRESS AWESOME-LY …. IM GENUINELY LOSING MY MIND AND I HAVENG EVEN .. looked at *him* ….. nick …. im complimenting it and i#can’t even see rn HEJSJCKCNITS BLURRY 😭😭 my head hurts so bad from sobbing but ive never been happier /pos IM SO ???? I LOVE HOW U DREW ME#i went to go triple check for the kofilink and found myself browsing through puppetgear tag once again u^u JENDNDKXJ oh my god . PLEASEEEEE#ok…. moze … he’s … so tiny .. he’s so cute … he looks so grumpy :’) /pos AND YOU .. u captured his squishable look omg….. he’s so teeny he’#literally as big as a fingernail on my phone im :’) HES POCKET SIZED I CANT BELIEVE U DID THIS /pos /ETERNALLY GRATEFUL#WHY 😭😭😭😭😭 YOURE SO KIND IM SO . IM SITTING ON THE FLOOR OF MY ROOM SNIFFLING AND HICCUPING AHENDNJXKC AND STARING AT THIS OF COUESE#i just saw the ask 😭 i definitely don’t mind im literally on my hands and knees to thank you and it’s still not enough JSNSNDNMC i have to#dig a dent in the hole and bow inside the hole …… it’s not enough … i genuinely love every square inch of this JSNDNXN i just adore … how u#did me … how u did moze (so— everything) even the circle in the background is a color that i adore 😞😞 sniffle …..#what a treat to see moze in ur style 😭😭 what a HUGE . Nice . AMAZING. TREAT . he looks so good in ur style UGH I WANNA FLOAT AWAY#the physical reaction i had in my stomach & head is unmatched /pos …. it’s vaguely similar to when u get called on in class while nervous .#and ur stomach flips .. but in a positive / EVSTATIC / insanely happy way … thank you so much omfg (link?) (please?) you are so kind ….#i don’t even know how to convey my gratefulness so im resorting to crying-staring-crying-staring-crying#(cries)#oh i never answered ur question haha :’) yea im great! :’) and you? :’)#im gonna put this in queue >/////< URK IM SO …. THANK U NICK ))))))):::: (link perhap?)#edit: OHHHH I SEE HOW U DID MY HAIR COLOR!!!!! that is so cool hello? it’s black- but not? and it fits so perfectly!!!! THAT IS SOO COOL WJ#NO WONDER I WAS ADMIRING THE COLORS EARLIER THIS IS SUCH A COOL THING (nonartist tries to explain how neat something is) NSNDNXKK
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can someone who's read every single book i have appear rn
#just finished starsight/skyward2 and god this series is gonna be the death of me#its so mf good and howw#like holy shit the arturo nedd jorgen trio need to interact more#spensa and brade take up so much space in my mind omfg their. whatever their dynamic is#hesho and kauri and the unnamed kitsen and mourrimur omg#idk if i spelled their name right but its ok i just zipped my bag w my book up so we can pretend 🙏#i left the third book at my house so i have to wait more than a week to finish ts. ugh#and then gotta convince our parents to take us to b&n for book 4 but that should be easy esp after next week#i think theres a book 4 anyway idk i forgot#post#erics tag#teo so ice#skyward#cytoverse
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I'm SORRY, when did marvel make a human KNOCKOUT????
LIKE EXCUSE THE FUCK OUTTA ME
#knockout#transformers#Marvel#Starfox#His name is Starfox???#This is the one played by Harry styles omfg no you cnat be serious#HES SO HANDSOME WTF#Steals him puts him in my pocket#God I love him#His lip stick#Ugh#UGH PLZ#Wh0re
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y'know whats funny. i think the isat fixation is finally taking a backseat in my mind lol
i think it has been for a while but yeah now i just have ocs and games on my mind all the time lol
also im still kinda stuck on my fic.... like no motivation to write very much and not many ideas either oops
can't help it tho!! on top of me thinking about literally everything else i am also still working every day and trying to keep up doodling every now and then (ocs <3 i love my ocs)
i won't drop aoyany dw. it will be completed. the question of when is something i don't have an answer to tho 🥲 but i won't leave loop and sif suffering like that dwdw. they deserve better so i will give them that Eventually.
#minhmy rambles#aoyany fic talk#like omfg yeah im playing sky like every day at least for dailies and then i also just played a bunch of splat for eggstra work lol#heres hoping 263 is a gold score 🙏 tho it probably is lol. but my group and i had a hard time working for more#and as routine and same-y eggstra work can be we kept changing little things about our strategy each time and it messed me up a lot#so i struggled more than i wanted to lol.. like me flipping between two weapons just to fill spots ugh#also i've been playing brothership bit by bit...!!! yay brothership!!!!!!!! its so much fun but god do i have gripes about a few tiny things#like y'know. why isn't luigi always B when ur in battle. and also why doesn't he act like he did in the other games aka Stuck to mario#like previously if u jumped across a gap (hitting both A + B) and only mario makes it u can't move on bc luigi fell down#so u'd have to go all the way back bc they're Connected like that. but in brothership he jumps over gaps automatically#like thats a tiny gripe. the menu thing isn't tho. MY MUSCLE MEMORY.......#also. also. still having autism thoughts ofc lol. learned a fun new thing yesterday thats actually a texture issue that i didn't think was#but either way im having fun in my life everythings going well#yay <3
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how the motherfuckers in college feel after giving you info LAST FUCKING MINUTE. DO THEY WANT ME TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF I SWEAR TO GODDDDDDDD
#by god you shall see me on the news#WHY DOES MY COLLEGE DO THIS ALL THE FUCKING TIME#FIRST WITH CLASS LOCATIONS NOW WITH CLASSES THEMSELVES? WHY CANT THEY LET US KNOW A WEEK IN ADVANCE??? THAT CANNOT BE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??#ITS SO FUCKING ANNOYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#i cant do this anymore#AND ITS NOT EVEN LIKE A ME-SPECIFIC ISSUE#ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS HATE THEIR COLLEGE TOO THEY DO NOT GIVE INFO ASAP#fucking annoying ass institution#i dont wanna be here anymore bruh no wonder bitches drop out all the time#a professor is allowed to be late for a whole HOUR and they're allowed to randomly switch the location to a different BUILDING but#im not allowed to be more than 15 mins late. like ok. what if i killed you#theyre allowed to MAKE U RUN ACROSS CAMPUS TO THAT DIFF BUILDING BUT I CANT BRING TEA INSIDE THE CLASS?!?!? ALRIGHT.#stupid complaints . no shit theyre allowed to do that. it still makes me mad#god taht building thing actually pissed me tf off . when i say lastminute i MEAN LAST MINUTE#THEY TOLD ME THEY SWAPPED BUILDINGS ON THE EXACT HOUR THE CLASS STARTED LIKE WTF#this is just a rant#im like really mad . right now. cause i accidentally skipped a class. again.#ugh i know its not that BIG of a deal i missed once for one class but it still makes me so fucking mad bc#i couldve easily gone in IF I HAD KNOWN BEFOREHAND#is it really that hard to update ur students. omfg.#THE ONLY REASON I EVEN KNEW WE HAD CLASS TDY WAS BC MY FRIEND DM'D ME#'im late" WAIT HUH!?!??!? LATE TO WHAT BRUH#ohh its over i cant keep up like that#this means i have to actually lock in and get the best grades ever. omfg.#blabberpar#IM SO MAD IM SO MAD IM SO MAD#im so mad i could. end up on the news.#starting now im checking that damn portal and all the news in the world .#omfg.#im so mad man.
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currently at rehearsal but thinking abt the yoongi oneshot that's in my drafts 🤭🤭
#when i tell u that man#that idiot omfg he makes me write fluff#F L U F F#how dare he omfg i can't omg he's so oh god ugh
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The constant struggle of needing to continue my trimax reread so I can get working on the next ITNL chapter vs the wish to keep playing stardew valley
I started this new game not even a week ago but I'm midway thru the first fall and already married to Sebastian. And so it goes 😂
#speculation nation#im naming all my farm animals after trigun characters. vash and wolfwood are chickens.#milly and meryl are cows. and i just got 2 ducks that i named livio and razlo.#AND im gonna name my dinosaur zazie. bc it just makes sense.#thinking of making midvalley and hoppered goats. elendira & dominique as sheep.#sheryl and lina as rabbits. probably kaite too. hell lets make all the kids rabbits#idk who im gonna do for the pigs. it feels a little mean given the connotation of calling someone a pig.#might break the trigun streak and name my pigs after shrek and fiona. as i have in previous games.#who am i missing. luida as a sheep. brad as a goat. omg knives as a void chicken.#I SHOULDVE NAMED MY HORSE REM!!!! oh well too late. i named my horse after my horse-coded oc Lana#and my cat is named Sammy. after my special orange boy 🥺🥺🥺#fuck who are the other ghgs. omg monev would work as a pig actually. big guy.#then theres e.g.mine. kinda wanna ignore him bc his name's stupid.#i dont want an animal named e.g.mine 😭😭😭😭#omfg rai-dei. what the fuck should rai-dei be. none of the animals feel like a rai-dei. maybe i'll make him a duck.#theres leonof... ugh. i dont want a leonof. or a ninelives. fuck those guys.#oh my god how could i almost forget legato??? maybe i'll make him a 2nd void chicken. OH WAIT NO#HE COULD BE ONE OF THOSE BLUE CHICKENS!!! THATS PERFECT!!!!#idk im still working on upgrading my barn and coop so this isnt happening in full for a while still#but i am Thinking About It........#u can see how well my manga reading is going lmao. oh well. at least im having fun.
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my kaleidoscope thoughts/review
(spoilers under the cut. also im still shocked so this shit makes no sense)
holy shit holy shit HOLY SHIT WHAT TJE FYCK HOLY SHJT OHMFG HOLY SHIT KALEIDOSCOPE IS A FUCKING PRODIGY WHAT THE FYCK THAG SHIT ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY WTF WTF WTF HELP OMFG IM IN SHOCK I XANT WHAY BELP MDNSJSJJS NO FUCKING WAY THAY WAS FUCKING INSANE WHAT THE FUCK NUGGETS SHIT BALLS LOLOLAPOOLAZA WAS THAT WHAT THE FUCK IK IN AWE GIANCARLO ESPOSITIO SERVES AS DUCKING ALWAYS GOLY MOLY BAJJSJSJS SOMEONE CALL TJE FUCMING COPS WHAT OMG I NEED TI BREATHE WHAT?????? EBVRLEPQICOJSJSJD
holy shit okay so um Jesus Christ I'm fucking fahahsh that was easily the best experience I've ever had omg that's giving money heist a run for their money holy crap okay um
alright so ngl when i heard the concept of showing episodes in random order I was hyped and i wanted it to be hype but tbh i kinda expected it to be ass and omfg damn this show was so good wtf. that being said, the episodes in random order didn't exactly have much impact on the story but it was a fun idea and i liked it in the end. at first i was worried, especially when i got to the after the heist episodes (which showed right before the white episode for me) bc in my mind i was like okay but like ik the outcome so like what's the point but damn was i wrong bc oml the twists Jesus Christ that shit had me in a damn pretzel.
alright so like my thought process. So i saw the pink episode right before the white one, and first can I just say that even tho i didn't like bob im glad he got to see his pink sand beaches even tho it was technically blood but whatever. anyways omfg tho did judy ditch Stan? I think so idek anyways that's irrelevant rn. okay so i was literally devastated when ava died i love her but also it definitely wasn't as bad as money heist so I'll live. BHT OMFG LEO'S DEATH BRUH I THOUGHT RJ KILLED HIM BUT IT WAS SALAS' SON BRAD?????? WTF THAT SHIT CAME OUT SO OUT OF LEFT FIEKD OMG JSHSJSJS
like i saw the shirt and i was like hmm that's kinda a nerdy shirt it seems like something rj might wear. AND THEN IT WAS BRAD TJE SON WEARING IT IN THE WHITE EPISODE. AND THEN RJ FUCKING DIED AND THEN IT WAS JUDY THAT FUCKING KILLED HIM BUT THEN SHE SORTA KILLED BOB LIKE WHAT THE FUCK OMG MY BRAIN MY JAW WAS LIKE GONE LIKE OMGJSSJJSJS
like ngl in the beginning I wasn't vibing with judy but then she killed rj and i really wasn't vibing BUT THEN SHE KILLED BOB AND MAYBE I WAS VIBING????
omfg and THEN HANNAH CAME IN AND HIT CARLOS AND THEN TOOK ALL THE MONEY LIKE WHAT JSJSJS AND LIKE IK ITS FIR THE BEST BECAUSE THE CREW PROBABLY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN KILLED BY THE TRIPLETS IF SHE DIDN'T BUT GAWD DAMN LIKE I WAS LOW-KEY HIGHKEY SAD LIKE TF
OMG AND THE FUCKING FEDEX GUY BRUHHSHAJS AND HER SISTER BRJSJSJS IM LITERALLY NSJSJSJSN WHAT
also her hair and her black suit in that one outfit remind me of natasha Romanoff so bad omfg
KSJSJJSJS AND THEN BOB USED THE PEN HE STOLE TO SAVE HIMSELF BITCH THIS SHIT WAS LIKE TWNETY BAZILLION CHEKHOV'S GUNS
IT WAS CHEKHOV'S FUCKING GUN RANGE TF LIKE OMG IM ACTUALLY IN LOVE SHOUT OUT TO ERIC GARCIA OR ERIC GARZA MAN I DONT REMEMBER TOJR LASY NAME BUT THIS SHIT SLAPPED GOD DAWM EXPECTATION FUCKING EXCEEDED BEHWJAJSJJSJSJSJS
holy shit holy shit AND WHEN THE FUCKING MACAU AD WENT OFF DAMN KUDOS TO AVA BC I WOJLD HAVE BURST OJT LAUGHING JESUS CHRISR TNO IT WAS SO GOOD
ngl tho idek if it actually randomizes the order u watch it in i started out with the jail episode with stan and ray tho so idk tell me if u guys get anything different
#bingoboingobongo.com#kaleidoscope#kaleidoscope netflix#giancarlo esposito#netflix#omfg sjsjjsjs jesus christ that was so good it literally ate omfg#UGH AND THE SHOW ME WHERE YOUR HEART IS LIKE DAMN MY HEART IS HURTING#jesus christ tumblr pls jump on this i need to shovel more kaleidoscope content into my brain hole#cus like there's probably 200000 things im forgetting about rn#god damn#OMG AND THE FUCKING ABBASI DEATH BRJH BC TBEY SAKD SOMEONE BRUSHES BY YOU AND THEN UR DEAD AND THAT'S WHAY HAPPENED BC SHE PISSED OFF#THE TRIPLETS AND THAT'S WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THE ENTIRE CREW IF IT WERENT FOR HANNAH DAMN#hannah kim#ray vernon#leo pap#ava mercer#roger salas#chekhov's gun range
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@oracleact @consumedwithtrust @ryomen-sukuna-1-0
I hated this drawing at first but now that I look at it… dayum he looks good
#OH GOD!!!#i am not ok!!! LOOK AT HIM#👀#daddy? sorry. daddy? sorry. daddy? sorry.#i-#this man#omfg#I cant#He’s so hot#Ugh#he is so beautiful#damn#jujutsu kaisen
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"bweh bweh bweh bweh myeh weh the left needs a joe rogan" OKAY???!!! THEN GIVE MONEY TO ANY ONE OF THE HUNDREDS OF PUBLIC EDUCATORS OR COMMENTATORS IN THE LEFTIST NEWS/ENTERTAINMENT SPHERE!!!!!! ACTUALLY ENGAGE AND SHARE IN THEIR WORK!!!!!!!! IT'S THAT EASY!!!!!!!!!!!
#da#AND ALSO. THOSE PEOPLE NEED TO START COMPROMISING THEIR MORALS AND ACCEPT THE MONEY#literally will never not be mad at the socialist youtuber who said they were quitting when they got too big and wanted to stay working class#THEN FUCKING GIVE THAT EXCESS MONEY YOU DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO SOME GD MUTUAL AID ORGS GRASSROOTS CAUSES OR WHATEVER YOU CARE ABOUT#GOD!!! DAMN!!!!! STOP SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT CAUSE IT'S RICOCHETING ALL TF OVER NIMROD#I AHTE THAT PERSON SO SO SO SOSO DEEPLY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.#ugh I guess I don't Hate them but omfg. get tf over yourself. that's the most useless wretched thing you could do is shy away from success#this is literally why the left is floundering. we don't get or have any money in the first place#then dorky communists think having 100 excess dollars is eat the rich money#SHUT UP!!!!!!!¡!!!¡!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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hm i think my anxiety may be getting worse. i should probably do something about that. or i could keep ignoring it 🤪
#personal#IDK at least it's not as bad as middle school but damn. its like . okau#i have a phobia of tornadoes. it used to be a lot worse but ive gotten better. but like.#lately i keep thinking im hearing tornado sirens going off? a lot? like when im taking a shower and yknow theres a lot of noise#like the fan and the water and my neighbors. for some reason my brain is seriously like omfg what if that's the siren?!!?!?!!?!#like CHILL the FUCK out bro holy god. and the only way i can calm myself down is making it quiet (so i can listen for the siren)#and/or check the weather for a tornado warning. its honestly getting out of hand lately. it happens sooo much#ugh. but i seriously dont want to have to see a therapist again. having to find someone i can build a rapport with and#tell my entire life story and all my trauma again.. only to have them QUIT like all my past therapists and start all over#and i dread having to try out new medications again. i take enough already and its just a pain in thr ass#especially if u get prescribed a controlled substance and have to jump thru all the hoops just to get it refilled every god damn time#UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE#AND I CANT EVEN TAKE A SHOWER RN BECAUSE ITS THUNDERSTORMING
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i maxxed the tags (what did i expect) but!!
what a soft piece ari 🥺 thank you for sharing this hurt/comfort piece w us!! i think satoru will always be a figure of strength—but i think it’s in part because that’s how he brands himself to be around the people he cares about. he’ll never truly share how he thinks and feels about things, will almost always downplay it really. but he’s always worrying, always aware and cautious, overthinking 🥺 and i felt that loads here!!
there’s a shipwreck stuck between your ribs ; satoru gojo
synopsis; three times satoru sees you cry, and the understanding you gain of each other from it.
word count; 4.6k
contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, the synopsis speaks for itself i think, copious amounts of hurt/comfort, i just think he’d be so good at comforting u :ccc, also fluff!!, he’s addicted to calling u ”baby,” satoru gojo vs human emotion (he loses)
a/n; pls ignore the fact that 90% of my gojo fics are hurt/comfort ok we dont need to get into that <33 the writing in this one might be a lil rusty but im pretty fond of this gojo :’3
dim lights, buttery popcorn, and boredom.
the senses invading his mind are mellow, coaxing, a little tedious. all he can see are the buzzing lights before him, all he can hear is the insistent chewing of the people around him, and all he can feel is just that:
boredom.
satoru stifles a yawn, resting his cheek on the heel of his palm. he’s trying to pay attention — really, he is. trying to pay attention to the movie he picked out himself, after thoughtful consideration, one he’s been looking forward to watching with you all week. he’s trying his best. but, gosh, it’s just so boring.
or maybe he just doesn’t have it in him today — with all these too-dim lights, too-loud popcorn-chewers, and the too-convoluted plot playing on the big screen in front of him. he has no idea what’s happening, anymore, what scene this is supposed to be. some sob-story? he clocked out a while ago.
so, with nothing better to do — satoru decides to savour another view.
that’s how it always goes. no matter the movie, no matter the snacks, whether you’re watching at home on the couch or a nearby movie theatre — eventually, when his eyelids begin to grow heavy, or when his attention span begins to falter, that blue-soaked gaze of his shifts. a moth to a flame, following his instincts. constantly looking over to see what kind of face you're making.
after all, your reactions are far more entertaining than any movie could ever hope to be. little sighs of exasperation, jolts and shivers down your spine, or a laughter so bubbly he can’t resist leaning in for a kiss or ten — he loves it. adores it. lives and dies by it.
so satoru turns his head, and looks at you, knowing you’ll save him from the boredom clutching at his subconscious.
and something in his chest constricts.
at first, he doesn’t notice it. hungrily lapping over the expanse of your jaw, to your cheekbones, his gaze drinking in everything he can see. scanning your eyes for a hint of emotion; and he finds it. he finds it in something that glimmers in the dim lighting of the theatre, something that has his breath drawing back to the depths of his throat.
tears.
crystalline, dew-drawn, a fresh set of tears clinging to the edge of your lash line. they’ve yet to fall, but satoru sees them — he sees them and he doesn’t know what to do.
tears.
tears?
you’re crying.
in the depths of your glassy eyes, he sees a fractured scene — playing against the scope of your iris, as the movie reflects off your pupils. there’s a turmoil there, a sadness, one that has you covering your mouth with the front of your knuckle. and you’re crying.
satoru wants to tease you. he wants to lean over and purr against the shell of your ear, poke fun at you for being so emotional. such a little baby. what else is he supposed to do?
the tricky part is that he can’t. he can’t move, can’t shape his voice into a purr, can’t even speak. he’s frozen in place like a bug trapped in amber, stuck to his seat, unable to do anything but blink at you in what he thinks might be bewilderment.
his breath hitches — and that’s all.
something about the sight of you makes him falter, makes him stop in his tracks. catches him off guard. he doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t recognize the feeling stirred deep within his chest, something discomforting and foreign. doesn’t understand why his heart feels so itchy, all of a sudden.
then your eyes meet.
and you blink. once, then twice. eyes just a little wide, an embarrassed kind of surprise. he thinks you must be flustered, and he’s proven right when your gaze flees from his.
a mingle of words clog up at the base of his throat. say something, say something, say something. but he doesn’t know what.
he wets his lips, preparing to part them, but before he can get the first syllable out you're leaning in. close. close enough that he feels your breath ghost against the shell of his ear, close enough that his heart starts skipping the way it always does when you press yourself against him like that’s where you belong.
a whisper. it’s small, hushed, a little frail. but there’s something else, too, laced together with the vowels — amusement.
”you didn’t tell me this was a sad movie.”
a pout plays at your lips, as you murmur your grievances. but then there’s that amusement; it’s there when you pull back, in the crinkle of your sparkling eyes, the curve of your smile.
and satoru’s shoulders relax. stiffened bones melting. he exhales a breath he had no idea he was holding, and his heart feels at ease. a grin finds it’s way to his lips, wide, teasing, cheshire and sweet.
he leans a little closer, bumping his head against yours. gently. ”i think you’re just sensitive, baby.”
his teasing is rewarded with a little huff, as your elbow meets his side. soft. everything you do is soft.
”oh, shut up,” you scoff. smiling. he’s so relieved that you’re smiling.
a moth to a flame, following his instincts, satoru brings you closer. an arm around your waist, pulling you into his orbit, until you’re practically sharing seats. searching for your hand — and he finds it, intertwining his long fingers with yours, just to give it a little squeeze.
(for some reason, he feels more protective than usual.)
he feels your gaze. questioning, maybe. but you melt into him quickly, with your head slumped against his shoulder, and his heart settles back into a sleepy rhythm. just watching the movie pass you by.
the dim lighting of the theatre casts a hazy shadow over your face, a tender desaturation, and his eyes stay glued to it when you aren’t looking. the smell of popcorn hangs heavy in the air, salty and buttery, warm and sweet, and he’s almost grateful to feel that familiar boredom tug at his veins.
anything is fine. anything is better than that discomfort, that irritating itch.
satoru watches the movie flicker by, scene by scene, whispering commentary into your ear and stealing your popcorn with a satisfied hum. chuckling when you whisper-shout at him to cut it out!
he tries not to think of the glittering tears at your lash line, and almost succeeds.
rain clouds, cups of chamomile, and frustration.
it seeps out into the open air, engulfing your living room in a feverish haze. thick and suffocating; the scent of heavy rain, lukewarm tea, and that ugly, ugly feeling underneath his skin.
it pulses. it itches. and oh, how it aches.
satoru hates it. he hates feeling angry, feeling upset — hates when either of those emotions are in connection to you. hates it, hates it, hates it more than anything.
he does everything he possibly can to avoid it; his eyes are keen, always have been, and he can see when that thin line he shouldn’t cross crawls a little too close for comfort. when the rubber band of your patience just snaps. he sees all your buttons, knows which ones not to push. he knows you.
and, more importantly, more than anything — nothing you do could ever make him angry at you.
(well, at least that’s what he thought.)
satoru’s anger is a fickle thing, controlled, kept under wraps. it’s a slow process; it simmers, boils, a cup of chamomile brewed too long. and then it all but invades his senses. it never gets the best of him, never, but right now he can feel it — little pinpricks against his skin, a frustration that stirs his guts and has his eyes going cold.
satoru towers over you, like this. full height on display. not slouching or draping himself over furniture, but standing tall, and proud, and menacing. he isn’t smiling, and that’s all you need to know that he’s upset with you. his eyes are layered over with discontentment.
a sigh spills from his lips, a little gruff, unmistakably annoyed. it slices the silence of the room in half, and a shiver travels down your spine. he doesn’t notice it. his voice has a rough edge to it, something firm. something that doesn’t sound like it could come out of his mouth at all.
”don’t act like such a child.”
a flinch. or maybe more like a jolt; this time, he notices, but it’s too late. he’s in too deep, boiled water licking at his ankles, pulling him down. frustration nips at his skin, and he can’t quite seem to push it away.
and you’re just so, so unaccustomed to it. unaccustomed to seeing him wear anything but a smile, unaccustomed to that cold gaze, usually nothing but warm and fond when it meets your own. this isn’t like him.
it’s not like him at all.
swallowing thickly, you do your best to calm down. but before you can make any attempt to contain it, wetness begins to gather in the corners of your eyes. pooling, little droplets yearning to fall.
satoru notices them instantly. he sees that sad glimmer, framed by the murky darkness seeping in from beyond the curtains, accompanied by the symphony of pitter patter against the windowpane. tears, much like the rain beating down outside.
and his chest goes cold.
a tiny sniffle pushes past your lips, and the dam inside you begins to break — tears tripping over your lash line, rolling down your cheeks. cascading across your pretty face. the air fills with a sense of dread, and both of you seem to be thinking the exact same thing.
(oh, fuck.)
satoru notices, belatedly, that his throat has gone dry. that his heart feels itchy, again. it itches and itches but he can’t do anything to soothe it, and your tears continue to fall.
his heart begins to crack. right down the middle, like a gash in the reflection of a puddle, right across his chest. it hurts.
an inhale, then an exhale. you’re still trying to keep it all together, grasping for control over your emotions, but it’s not going too well. the little breaths that escape your throat are shaky at best, hands trembling as you wipe the tears away with the front of your wrists. and your voice sounds a little like it’s about to crumble away.
”sorry,” you squeak, taking a step back. there’s a silent panic in the gesture, one that makes satoru want to get down on his knees. ”i’ll just — i’ll leave —”
he wants to stop you. he needs to stop you. but he does nothing, nothing at all, even as you stumble out. leaving the haunting echo of tiny sniffles and tear-stained cheeks behind you.
satoru just stands there. once again, the sight of your tears seems to render him completely helpless. useless.
and he's frustrated, honestly. frustrated by the argument, by your tears, by his own guilt. he’s so frustrated he wants to claw his eyes out. he scratches at his forearm, but it does no good. all he can think of is your frightened little expression.
(he scared you.)
satoru slumps down on the couch, head in his hands, running rough fingers through his soft hair. it’s unruly by the time he’s done, and his bottom lip is bruised with teeth marks, and everything in the world feels so meaningless. so out of tune.
(he made you cry.)
a sigh. drawn out, tinged with exhaustion, bitter and battered like the swing of a baseball bat. he feels a little like he could throw up. it’s foreign, this emotion, suffocating. how long has it been since he genuinely felt this kind of shame?
the crack in his heart grows deeper, while you’re gone. more severe. every moment you spend outside of his vision makes him falter more and more, makes his desperation grow. desperate to plead for your forgiveness, to convince you not to leave. to wipe the tears away from your cheeks, delicately, the way you deserve. but he can do nothing but sit there, useless, repeating the same old phrase inside his mind.
he’ll make it up to you.
and when you finally come back, having calmed down a bit, he does just that. you’re embarrassed, he can tell, a little meek. it makes him feel that discomforting emotion, again, that ache. the crack that only ever seems to deepen.
but he covers it all up with a smile. a little sheepish, more than a little forced, but he hopes you understand. hopes you can see his remorse, see a man who loves you, because he does.
so satoru takes you into his arms, softly, hands finding the small of your back. delicate, protective. a little whisper spilling from his lips.
”’m sorry, baby. i didn’t mean it.”
and it’s not enough. he knows it isn’t. but he does what he can — even when it just ends up clumsy, teasing, bordering on something that most would interpret as insincere. all he can do is coddle you. shower you in hugs and kisses, gifts and praises. he hands it out like candy, eager hands finding yours, everything spilling out of his chest all at once.
there’s a desperation to it that isn’t lost on you.
but it works. he’ll make it up to you; he swears. and he dotes on you until you’re too embarrassed to be sad anymore, apologizes until his throat runs dry. until he’s sure you believe him.
he brews you another cup of chamomile, stirred to perfection, warm enough to make up for the shiver he sent down your spine. the rain beating down on your windows serves as a constant reminder of his failure, and satoru does his best to ignore it. swallowing what’s left of his frustration, focusing on you.
anything to see you smile again. anything to wash away the red tint to your eyes, the puffy skin beneath them. anything to hear you laugh, to get you to feel safe around him again.
(anything to make him forget the sight of those tears rolling down your cheeks.)
panic, panic, panic.
it’s all he can feel, all he can think, the only emotion his muddled mind can cling to. he’s in pure, sincere, genuine panic, and you aren’t saying a thing. can’t bring yourself to.
arms wrapped around his waist, tightly, you hide away in the crook of his neck. clutching the fabric of his shirt, burrowing your face deeper into his warmth — and you’re not just crying.
you’re downright sobbing.
satoru knew something was off the moment you fell into his embrace, suddenly, tackling him into a hug so desperate it left him reeling. a kind of desperation he isn’t used to, from you.
he knew something was wrong.
he knew even before he heard it; your choking sobs, those shaky, heaving breaths. muffled into the cotton of his shirt, his uncertain arms around you.
they break his heart.
”hey, hey…” there’s a soothing lilt to his voice, awfully delicate. sweet like molten honey, almost enough to hide the panic. ”what’s wrong?”
satoru holds you to his chest, safe and secure, cradling you protectively. as if shielding you from the world — from whatever or whoever got you like this. as if you’d crumble into dust, otherwise.
he tries to calm down, but his mind is spinning like a broken clock, and your silence doesn’t help. you’re trying to respond; he knows you are, but you just can’t get the words out. any attempts only make you cry harder.
a shake of your head is all he gets — and it’s not much, but satoru’s learned to make a lot out of a little.
so he continues to hold you, hiding his worry, tucking his anxiety away somewhere you won’t be able to see. he curses, inwardly, grasping blindly for conclusions — for some divine guidance. how is he supposed to deal with this?
(how long has it been since he felt so very useless?)
gentle. that’s the approach he takes, finally, hiding his nervosity. he rocks you back and forth, just a little, like he’s lulling you to sleep; his warm hands finding the small of your back, the back of your head. cradling you so close you hear his rapid heartbeat by your ear.
soothing whispers. murmured into your hair, so soft they seem to melt once they slip from his tongue, all honey and devotion. affection so palpable you taste it in the air, from the breaths he exhales.
”it’s fine. i’m here, i’m here… i’ve got you.”
he doesn’t know what he’s doing, not really, but it seems to work. because you calm down, after a while, just sniffling into his neck and letting him soothe you. sobs and unstable heaves, turning into whimpers and shaky breaths. clinging to him all the while; so desperate for comfort, for him.
it makes him feel so, so desperate to protect you, to wash every single one of your worries away.
it’s unbearable, this aching desire. like a great, insatiable, unnamed something deep within the caverns of his chest, clawing at his ribcage, snarling and hissing, itching to break out so it can open its maw and devour you both.
(it’s ugly. it’s grotesque. it wants to keep you safe so badly it might kill him for it.)
a coo. sad, dripping with care, a comforting tone that he hopes you’ll find soothing. he smooths his palm down the back of your head, heavy, doting. it hurts so much to see you hurt.
”my baby….” satoru exhales, a little shaky. but he smiles, and he hopes you can hear it, hopes it’ll help mend the pain in your chest. ”what’s got you this upset, hm? you're worrying me, here…”
a broken sniffle. the guilt eats at you, gnaws at your bones, and all you can do is hide away in the crook of his neck. apologizing, your voice no more than a tremor of a breath.
”’m sorry…”
and satoru thinks his heart shatters. he can practically hear the crash, feel the broken, useless little pieces dig into his skin.
his arms travel down to your hips, steady, and he lifts you up. just for a second, just so he can plop down on the floor with you in tow — keeping you snuggled into his neck. seated on his lap with your legs around his waist, like you’re his baby koala.
”shh, it's okay,” he soothes, a grounding rumble of his chest right by your ear. he’s got you enveloped, wrapped up in his buzzing warmth, and all you can feel is him. ”you’re okay. no matter what it is, i'll take care of it, alright? you can rely on me.”
a moment passes.
satoru clears his throat. nervous, suddenly. ”you know that, right?”
all you can give him is a shaky nod, but it’s enough. he sighs, in palpable relief, still rubbing circles into your back. ”okay,” he sneaks a hand underneath your shirt, tracing little shapes into your bare skin. ”good.”
he isn’t sure how long you spend there, on the floor, entirely focused on comforting you. washing away all your sadness, with every gentle caress, every soothing murmur of there, there… every little stutter of his heartbeat next to yours.
and when you’ve finally calmed down, melting under his touch and into his skin, arms going lax around his neck — satoru takes a breath. collecting himself, so you don’t have to. acting like his heart isn’t still a mess of crushed glass.
”you okay now?” he coos, drawing absentminded hearts into the skin of your back. his voice is teasing, but warm, spilling from his tongue and into your ear. deep and smooth. ”almost gave me a heart attack, baby.”
he feels the way your grip around him tightens, just a smidge, and he hears the weak little breath you draw in. your voice is still shaky, and it makes him want to rearrange the world, stitch those broken vowels back together.
(he doesn’t like how irrational it is, this insatiable something. how it makes him want to bend the rules of the universe, just to see you smile. a dangerous temptation.)
”i’m sorry,” you croak, clinging to him like a shipwreck to a shore. ”it’s not — not a big deal, ’m just…”
satoru pulls back. just a little bit, making sure your arms and legs stay in their rightful place, curled around his neck and waist. making sure the two of you stay connected.
then he pinches your cheek.
”don’t apologize,” he quips, a playful frown on his face. soft, a vague furrow of his brows. like he’s scolding you.
it makes you wince, your eyes downcast. you look so meek. a little like a kicked puppy, glassy eyes glancing up at him in search of comfort.
satoru clicks his tongue. ”and don’t look at me like that, either.”
he boops your nose, playful, doting, and you exhale weakly. it’s small, more breath than a real laugh, but you’re almost smiling, and —
it’s a start. it’s something.
satoru coos, voice dripping with warmth, sickeningly sweet. it seeps from his fingertips when he cradles your cheek in his palm, rubbing circles into the puffy skin beneath your eyes. there’s a mirth in his own, crinkled at the edges, tucked into that blue shade, something glazed over with pure adoration.
”there’s that smile.”
he leans forward, closer, to press a kiss against the bridge of your nose, eyelashes fluttering. tickling your skin. you fall further into his embrace and he makes no move to resist, wouldn’t do it even if he physically could. even if he had the strength to let you go.
then he broaches the subject. hesitant. tactful, careful, delicate — he tries to remember how it works. how to handle something fragile. he thinks of those boxes you carried last week, little porcelain cups. heavy in his arms. he thinks of the way you jab his side with your elbow; gentle, always gentle, even though there’s never any need.
he thinks of you, and it all comes easy. that’s how it always goes.
”wanna talk about it?” he asks, softly. fingers treading through your hair, scratching softly at your scalp. it makes you melt, a little. clearing your throat.
”it’s nothing, really,” you mumble, tiny, seeking respite in the warmth that seeps from his body. speaking with a raspy voice, a hoarse throat, all tired out after crying. ”nothing big, anyway…”
a moment passes, before you continue. ”i guess it's just been a rough week,” you admit, a sigh slipping from your lips, tinged with pure exhaustion. ”just little things piling up. ’m okay now.”
a hum. satoru clears his throat.
”anything i can do?”
(please let me help.)
but you only shake your head. ”you’ve already done enough,” you assure him, leaning into his touch. ”think i just needed to get it all out, y’know?”
a beat. an itch. satoru holds you tight, a little tighter than he should. gentle, he reminds himself. but he needs you close enough to feel the flutter of your heartbeat, close enough to delude himself that you’ve merged together. closer isn’t close enough.
he gnaws at his bottom lip, teeth sinking into the flesh. pulling words out from the back of his throat, uncertain. ”i’m always here,” he settles on. ”if there’s anything you need, come straight to me. okay?”
a frown plays at your lips. you’re silent, for a while, until he hears you mumble beneath your breath.
”i don’t want to bother you so much, though…”
”— it’s not a bother.”
the words spill into the air, a little more firm than he meant to sound. but he means them.
”i’m serious. if you ever need help, with anything, come find me. i’m yours,” satoru inhales, deep, his chest moving in tune with the breath. you’re carried along with it, as if being lulled to sleep, following the steady pattern of his lungs.
then he exhales. in, and out, and with it comes a promise. ”if anyone makes you cry, i’ll get rid of them.”
he says it casually, so casually that you assume it’s a joke, a bout of breathless giggles pushing past your lips. the sound has his own curling up, and he doesn’t have the heart to correct you. has enough tact to know that this might not be the best moment to let you know that he’s honestly a little terrified of how far he’d be willing to go to keep you safe and happy.
but you’re smiling, finally, laughing. and that matters more than anything. when he closes his eyes, he thinks he can even feel the telltale signs that his heart is picking itself back up, gluing jagged shards into a shape that resembles you.
"that's scary!” you gasp, amusement bubbling up inside your throat. ”you’d go to jail for me?”
satoru huffs. ”bold of you to assume i’d get caught,” he tuts, a smug smile on his face. it makes you giggle, again, and he feels like a god.
”okay, okay,” you nose at his neck, breathing him in, strawberry lotion and laundry detergent filling your senses. ”please don’t kill anyone on my behalf, though.”
”no promises.”
”satoru…”
slowly, steadily, his heart begins to stitch itself together. it helps that you’re there, he thinks. helps that you’re pressed up against him, that you’re holding him, like he’s the safest thing in the world. like you trust him.
(the word tastes like molten honey and luscious berries, sickly-sweet on his tongue. he gulps it down hungrily.)
it’s healing. the weight of your arms around him, the breaths that brush against his neck. he holds you to keep you together, intact, to keep himself together. a shipwreck and a shore — he just isn’t sure which one of you is which. but your jagged edges fit just right with his own.
”i don’t like seeing you cry.”
you blink. gazing up at him, with a contemplative look in your eyes. it melts into something a little too close to guilt for his liking. shame.
”— but i still want you to let me see you like that.” satoru smiles, with a tilt of his head. snowy tufts of hair falling across his face. ”is that weird?”
a moment passes. then you hum.
”no,” you exhale, a little breathless. smiling, somewhat weak, but still enough to have his heart skipping a beat. ”i love that about you, satoru.”
”huh?” he gapes at you — blinking dumbly. ”love what? that i want to see you sob into my chest?”
”that you try,” you stifle a yawn, sleepily nuzzling into him, all tuckered out from crying. ”even when it makes you a little uncomfortable.”
satoru stills.
silence fills the space between you. there’s nothing more to say. his tongue isn’t really cooperating with him, anyhow — all tied up. so he leaves a kiss on the top of your head, and doesn’t say a word about the tremor running through his chest.
he hates seeing you cry. hates how powerless it makes him feel, how useless. hates the fact that he can’t always protect you from the world, from himself.
but you let him see you like that.
he thinks of your tears, crystalline and glassy, like translucent marbles on a summer shore — and sees the trust instead of the sorrow. he thinks of your tearstained face, meek and feeble, and knows it’ll always be enough to break his heart to pieces.
he thinks of you, and tells himself that it’s worth it; just as long as he gets to bring that pretty little smile back to life.
#jjk#satoru#omg i am so excited i finally got to this ari 🥹🥹 and an x times kind of fic too oh my heart!!!!!!#oh he’s soooo into you 🥺 how his gaze always gravitates towards you i am sOOO my heart is SOOO#‘lives and die by it’ PLSSS reading this is like reading it thru rose tinted glasses!!! his rose tinted glasses!! like a movie in a haze 🥹#your writing is always so incredibly descriptive ari and i love love love that because it paints the scene so so well!!#it describes his emotions so well too — the part on him watching your tears is so pretty ‘crystalline & dew-drawn’ HOW PRETTY#the way the movie reflects on your irises — i love that image so much!!!! its such a vivid picture#satoru not knowing what to do when youre near; his emotions going haywire UUUGH forever a fave concept#and WHEN HE SPEAKS WKNDJEJD I THINK URE JUST SENSITIVE BABY HELLLLLOOOOOSUSJDJISJSJS#‘everything you do is soft’ MY GOSH that’s SO CUTE#anything is better than that irritating itch :((((((( GAWSH i love him#i LOOOOOVE the little descriptors at the start and how they set the mood for the scene omg love love loce#comparing his anger to a cup of chamomile??? oh my god i LOVE that how it simmers and boils omfg ari ur mind#and an angry satoru? oh my god take me tf out LOL IDK iF I CAN TAKE THAT LMAO#slicing the silence in the room into half is an AMAZING description ari omfg#‘dont act like such a child’ MY jaw DROPPED oh my god ari if he ever said that to me id actually cry#that oh fuck is so so loud and i love love love how you described that scene ari omg its so vivid and i could feel his and the readers#emotions thru it !!! i wish i could copy paste it properly but im rdg from my phone rn so 🥲#the idea that he hurts when you hurt is sooo oh my god im such a sucker for that and i think its so true!!#because as much as youre unaccustomed to him acting this way; he’s just as unaccustomed to treating you like this too :((((#oh my god him biting his lips to death :(( everything is meaningless . out of tune :(#see a man who loves you because he does :((( WAAAAH ILL SAWB RN#:(((( it makes him want to rearrange the the world & stitch those broken vowels back together HOW PRETTY#the sheer panic he feels at you sobbing bc he just doesnt know what to do#oh god :(( he thinks of you when he wants to handle you gently :(( bc thats all u rlly are :(( gentle :((#and its insane omg how kinda crazed u can feel he is abt u too. how uve managed to write in the extent of what he’d do just for y#i love the lil banter after 🥺 how he tries to keep things lighthearted still bc thats him!! thats satoru!!!#that dialogue is so tender ‘i dont like seeing u cry but i still want you to let me see u like that’ UGH i love that#:((((( and its that act of. he doesnt like it but he’ll brave it for u!! i love that line of him knowing that itll break his heart
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"Dead Boy's Poem" is right there next to "Ribs" as one of Lilith's top inspiration songs. MMGH they're just PERFECT.
#(( FOAMS OVER MUSIC FOAMS OVER MUSIC FOAMS OVER MUSIC- ))#[ lilith; musings. ]#(( it feels so good to have a muse who finally fits dbp perfecly. that song has been with me since my itty bitty years!! it's SO GOOD#for Lilith. the lyrics can be such a lovely nod to Eden - the Red Sea - and Hell. Her Imprisonment by Heaven.#'failed in becoming a god' as a nod to Lucifer and 'wish I didn't feel for you anymore' for Adam.#UGH. ))#(( let alone the fact my lilith is meant to ooze symphonic metal vibes lol. hell queen. nightwish my beloved. ))#(( and 'ribs' is literally just lilith. it's lilith. it's literally about her and her story. can't be beat. ))#(( the way i found that song was SO peculiar bc I found it last year by chance RIGHT when I was getting into her.#the timing of it was just so damn wild to me omfg. found it right alongside 'curses' ))
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My Tuesday
Have you guys ever reached the point of having a sex dream set at his house except you've never been there so you don't actually know what it looks like so your perverted little brain filled in the blank with your childhood bedroom and your twin bed with the One Direction poster over it about someone you've never actually spoken to or even made eye contact with and then have to just sit there next to them in math class and try to focus on solving quadratic equations using the completing the square method and then the teacher called on you and you gave an answer but she didn't hear you because your voice gets really quiet when you have to do any kind of public speaking and also you sit way in the back because you're most comfortable there because no one can see you like in an A.A. meeting but when you repeated yourself for the third time she told you had the wrong answer and then called on someone else who gave the correct answer right away and it turns out it was a really easy problem so then you started stress sweating and now you smell terrible and you've stained a really cute top your mom bought for you and now you're scared to go to sleep tonight because you're worried it will happen again?
Oh, okay, thank God, I thought I was the only one.
#dream#dreaming#nightmare#experience#life#reality#oh my god#oh my fucking god#omfg#my god#oh my godddddd#ughhhh#sigh#ugh#why am i like this#why#hot mess
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