#this means i have to actually lock in and get the best grades ever. omfg.

[arolegos]

how the motherfuckers in college feel after giving you info LAST FUCKING MINUTE. DO THEY WANT ME TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF I SWEAR TO GODDDDDDDD

[madphantom]

One of my favourite things ever is teachers slipping out of character in school and I hereby present a list of the most hilarious dialogues I have witnessed (I will shorten the teachers' last names here for privacy reasons):

Mr W: Shit shit shit shit I hit that red Mercedes over there.

Mrs B: *checks out whose car it is and realizes it's the fierce six foot three woman who sells food in the cafeteria* Uh-oh. Uhm...I suggest you stay away from dark corners.

Mr K: If you could get laid by any teacher here, who would you choose?

Mrs L: Mr C.

Mr K: He's married.

Mrs L: And you know how many times his wife has been pregnant yet. Bet he's a legend in bed.

Mr W: Look, you students think we're all sadists, but teachers are actually just a bunch of masochists.

Mrs G: Can you watch her a little? She's my best student but she missed the last exam and she's writing it now.

Mrs S: *looking at a Goth Girl full of jewelry* Best student. Okay. Got it. Are you sure this is the right one?

Mr W: I never wanted to be a teacher. I just wanted to torture kids.

Mr K: Tabitha, why did your mother drive you?

Ms G: I got into a car crash and my car is no longer a car.

Mr K: And you don't have a boyfriend to drive you?

Ms G: Nope.

Mr K: Sad life.

Mr S: You guys can't just compare me to Mr W, he's a living legend, I'm just some Bavarian dude.

Mr O: *turns up 55 minutes too late to class with a mug of coffee* Sorry, coffee machine broke down.

Student: Uhm, sorry, I didn't do the homework, my uncle committed suicide on Saturday.

Mr O: Why didn't you do it on Friday?

Mrs A: Have you seen Mrs P's new hairdo?

Principal Z: Wtf kinda colour is that even?

Mrs A: Ash blonde I think.

Principal B: Ass blonde?!!!

Mr F: *turns up 55 minutes too late to class, sweating and messy* Y'all won't believe what my toddler did tonight.

*young teacher comes into class to discuss something with Mrs L, then leaves*

Students: Was that your daughter?

Mrs L: Ha ha. I wish.

Mr W: Y'all, guess what happened when we teachers went on a trip to Rome?

Students: What?

Mr W: Mrs L's passport was stolen!

Students: Omfg

Mr W: I mean, she kinda had it coming.

Mrs L: Manny, are you implying something?

Student: I spotted Mr S drunken in town and he didn't recognize me.

Mr W: Sounds like him. Bavarian. It's October.

Mrs L: *rummaging in her bag, pulls out a giant fork* Hey, students, this is why you should always lock your office if you have two toddlers at home.

Mr W: Mr F is the king of giving his kids stupid names. (They're called Friedrich and Franz)

Ms G: In a total we spent over a thousand euros on the play.

Principal B: *on the verge of a cardiac arrest* One thoUSAND EUROS?!

Ms G: Probably a third of it for the pizza.

Ms G: *eating candy* Last time I ate this I vomited so hard I slipped and broke my nose. *eats the candy whole*

Mr K: This is either going to be hilarious or disappointing.

Principal B: Well, please don't talk bad about my colleagues behind their backs-

Student: You talked shit about Mrs H.

Principal B: Mrs H is an exception.

Mr K: If any of you gives me nine million euros I will grant them good grades forever.

Mr K: You got a pen?

Ms B: No. I thought you'd bring one.

Mr K: Why me?

Ms B: Because you're the older one! I'm the messy unorganized junior partner, Steve, and you're supposed to be the one with a pen.

*students have a debate about politics*

Student: ...and it's obvious they've done nothing else than just shitting...!

Mr S, shaking: Language

Ms B: Hi students, meet Mr B. He's not my husband.

Mr K, from the back of the class room: He's her emotional support twin.

Secretary P: Mr B, where were you at ten o'clock?!

Principal B: Well, I bought myself a muffin in the bakery-

Secretary P: You were supposed to meet the new student's parents!

Principal B: Oh. Fuck. *facepalms*

[the-kouchfort]

All the munday questions. All of them. Every single one. WRITHE IN YOUR HUBRIS

You asked for it

ᄏ: Play any instruments? Yep. I play the viola and the piano

ω: Have you ever dyed your hair? If so, what color(s)? Oh hell yeah. I’ve had it every color but yellow and orange. Blues and purples are my favorite.

△: Have you ever painted the walls of your room? Yep. It’s been a while, though.

【・ヘ・?】: Ever tripped in front a bunch of people? YEP. The worst one was in the parking lot of church when I was a kid. Fell on my face, broke the glass casserole dish I was carrying, and my dress went up over my head. So. Yeah. That was a fun one. Luckily, I didn’t get any glass in my torso.

＊: When was the last time you tied your hair up? (if your hair is long enough) A few days ago!

旦: Last time you drove your car (if you can drive/have one)? The last time I drove my own car was the night my severe anxiety was triggered. Whole horrible story, and the reason I cowered from thunderstorms for about a decade.

愛: Are you currently dating? Nope. I have been married for 20 years as of last Halloween.

太: When it’s New Year’s, do you make New Year Resolutions and actually commit to them? Nope. I used to, but now I know I won’t actually keep them, so why do it, and just feel awful about it later?

＠: Ever felt attracted to the opposite sex before? Mmmmmhm. I am bi/pansexual, so, there’s that ^_^

空: Did you ever throw up after one roller coaster ride or a few? Nope. I’ve ridden one coaster in my life, and never since then.

☆: Have you ever played games such as ‘Spin the Bottle’? lol, yep. Loooooong time ago.

⊙: Are you happy with where you are in life right now? .... this is a loaded question. I don’t have the inclination to unpack all of it right now, but lets just say... yes, and no. ピ: Did you like Pokemon as a child? When I was a child, it was the 70′s and 80′s, so... no ♪: Do you find yourself singing or humming to yourself sometimes? Allll the time.If I’m not humming randomly, or singing an actual song, then I’m singing random notes that sound good together with nonsensical sounds.

☁: Ever wanted to learn a foreign language? In 2nd and 3rd grade I learned both french and german (though I remember almost nothing of them.), and all through jr. high I learned Spanish and was fluent in it up to that sort of level, but I remember almost none of it, as well, through lack of anyone to practice with.

ス: Have you ever swallowed gum? Yup.

⅚: Post the link if your current favorite song. Omfg, this is a hard one. Music is the underlying fabric of my life. Sure, that sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Maybe this one, as it’s something that’s so fucking hard for me to remember, and I need the reminder every day:

ღ: Post a gif of what you’re currently feeling right now.

≘: Have you ever watched the sun rise? One of my favorite things to do was to go camping in the winter. One of my favorite things to do while out there in the middle of nowhere was to wake up early, and watch the stars fade, the sun rise, all while sipping a nice cup of coffee, and wrapped in a blanket in front of my fire. Ahhh, yes, good memories.

☄: Would you defend a friend if they were in danger? Always. Without thought to my own safety. It’s just part of who I am. ➍: Ever been to a concert? Was it fun? Yes, and yes.

♛: Do you like group projects? Deeeepends on what it is. If it’s a creative thing, then I’d prefer to work alone. Everyone has their own vision, their own creative style. I’ve seen group creaative projects go so wrong because everyone wants their vision, and they end up ignoring others’ input.

高: How often do you use headphones/earbuds? Every day. My hearing is way too keen to be able to deal with life without them. The Spouse likes to say I can hear a mouse fart a mile away. 

ಲ: Headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones kick off my chronic pain, and I do everything I can to avoid that pain.

♞: Showers or baths? SHOWERS. BATHS ARE GROSS. IT’S JUST YOU SWIMMING IN YOUR OWN DEAD SKIN, BODILY OILS, AND CROTCH AND BUTT STUFF. GOOD GOD NO.

✗: Walks on the beach or in a forest? Both? But if I had to pick, I’d choose a forest. Too many people at a beach now-a-days.

⊙﹏⊙: Which horror movie scared you the most? If any? The original IT when I was a kid, but only because of a very specific prank pulled by my best friend’s brother that had me screaming, and running. They found me a mile away, standing in the middle of the road (it was 1am), just staring at nothing, and swaying side to side. Clowns, after that, have been a terror for me.

^∇^: Has your best friend ever made you angry? Of course. We’re human. Also, everyone pisses me off at one point or another. However, she’s one of the two people who has pissed me off least often in the entire world.

(   ．＿．）: Do you think you are an awkward person? Depends on the circumstance. I’m more panic-ridden, and terrified than awkward.

メ: Cupcakes or muffins? Hm. Idk. They both have their plus sides. If there’s milk, then muffins. If not, then cupcakes.

♯: Would you like to be able to fly? YES. I’ve had dreams of flying since I was a kid. About as often as I’ve had dreams of swimming to the bottom of the deepest parts of the ocean. Half of the time it was just something I did in grocery stores, for some reason. That is, until I started thinking about it too much, and lost the ability, and smashed into the floor face first. Sadly, it always happens.

ℝ: What color shirt are you currently wearing? Black, as usual. Æ: What color underwear did you wear yesterday? Parti-colored. Purple, blue, black, pink.

☪: Have you ever flipped off someone? Ohhh yeah.

♬: Cats or dogs? Uhhh... both? Almost all animals! I’d have just about anything for a pet, from spiders and snakes, to rats, to cats, ferrets, dogs, horses... yes. Lots. 礼: Would you swim in the lake or ocean? Yes. の: Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate, every time.

◐: Have you ever seen a meteor shower? Yes, and they’re always amazing. ᄇ: Have you ever broken a bone? Broke both of my wrists at the same time while helping my aunt to get her horse trained for a dressage competition.

ℨ: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? I... have no idea. I can’t pin it down to one thing. If I have to pick, then I’ll go nuts, and say to the edge of the universe to see what’s there.

♔: Know the Duck Song? The Llama Song? Banana Phone?  Yes, and fuck you. ۞: What shows did you watch when you were a child? Punky Brewster, Silver Spoon, things like that. ▼: Could you live without the internet? I mean... yeah, sure, but I would go fucking crazy locked in this apartment with no outlet, and no contact with people. Д: Strangest food you’ve eaten? Chicken feet? Menudo (tripe)? Shark? I’ve tortured myself by trying durian, something I will NEVER do again. *insert vomiting gif here*, gator? Buffalo? *shrug* Depends on what you consider weird? 까: Cookies or brownies? Brownies if they’re well-cooked and gooey, Cookies if they are similarly soft in the middle, and a bit crisp on the outside.

came back to the computer to actually post this. has been sitting here for a few hours now. lol. now back to bed for my appointment in the morning. boo mornings.