#Tumblr has absolutely butchered the quality

[inkyrainstorms]

Lester's first moments alive

step 1: fall into trash

Step 2: get the snot beaten out of you

Step 3: acquire gremlin child (sister)

Wooooo Lester is so good at following lists

[whumporpass]

Nora West-Allen for whump or pass?

[suntoru]

─ ✰ BREWING AFFECTION.

✧˚ · . NAGI SEISHIRO loves sleeping, soccer, and gaming. he also doesn’t mind you coffee too.

— warnings: coffee shop! au, fluff, crackfic, reo hating on readers barista skills, downbad nagi (hes oblivious af), maybe ooc?

— author’s note: NOT TUMBLR BUTCHERING THE QUALITY OF MY HEADER. THIS IS NOT OK.

"…so… this was the coffee shop you were talking about?” reo probes nagi tentatively, face crinkled in slight confusion. the small café nestled in the hidden corner of some obscure street— nothing extravagant, and certainly not what he expected. it’s a quiet sanction, only a few patrons savoring the quiet ambience of the modest establishment.

"mhm," nagi hums in affirmation. his eyes are glued to his screen, fingers violently tapping his phone as he skillfully maneuvers through the critical attack from the boss battle. reo doubts he was listening to a word he was saying. he raises his eyebrows skeptically, surveying the surroundings of the quaint little shop. he’s well aware nagi sacrifices fifteen whole minutes of his precious sleep on wednesdays and saturdays to walk all the way here— there must, has to be something special about this place. yet all he can spot are a couple of worn-down couches, cute decorations, and the smell of grinding beans in the air; nothing particularly stands out.

'is the coffee just that good?' reo wonders to himself, his thoughts interrupted when you hastily set a tray down at their table. your hair is tied in a messy bun, name tag displayed largely at the side of your stained apron. "i'm so sorry— morning rush! two triple foam lattes, half a shot of espresso with a dash of cinnamon, right?" the words tumble out, an apology and a question all in one, accompanied by a warm aura that absolutely nobody else in customer service seemed to carry.

…that’s… not…. even close… he deadpans. “um, actually—” he starts, but is quickly interrupted by nagi cutting him off. “t’s good. thanks.” he mutters, hazy half-lidded grey eyes boring into your oblivious, starry-eyed ones. the tips of his ears turn the slightest bit pink as he blows a tuft of his hair out of his eyes. his phone is completely discarded, ‘GAME OVER.’ pixelated largely on his screen as reo’s eyes widen slightly. …did he… die on purpose? no way. but… he was just about to beat the whole game…?

you smile giddily. finally, you got an order right!! “really? i’m so glad! enjoy your drink!” you eagerly exclaim as you walk away, feeling encouraged to pump out the other orders.

“…we ordered two large macchiatos.” nagi shrugs lazily, fiddling with the plastic straw in his drink. “tastes the same. ‘t’s too much of a hassle to correct them.”

“whatever,” reo sighs, “we’ve been waiting thirty minutes for this— it better make my mouth orgasm.” thirstily taking a huge slurp of the drink, he lets the coffee settle for a moment before not so subtly gagging at the aftertaste. how can someone possibly screw up this badly? it tastes like… tepid brown water. this should be a war crime. no offense, but who thought it was a good idea to hire you? “uhm… it’s *retches* certainly an acquired flavour…” he represses another gag as the fluffy white haired male tunes him out once again.

as reo contemplates the questionable quality of his latte, nagi remains blissfully unaware of his own feelings, doing what he does every wednesday and saturday morning— unconsciously admire you from a distance, his attention shifting from reo to you. his fingers idly trace the ridges on the rim of the cup, distractedly watching as you struggle to get the coffee to start brewing.

and he can’t exactly understand why his heart is beating out of his chest (perhaps he’s having a stroke), why his face is tinted red (is it the cold nipping at his cheeks?), or why he only seems to want coffee when you’re there (it simply tastes different). it all doesn’t make sense to nagi’s simple little life, a simple repetition every day; sleep, soccer, game.

nagi seishiro finds the easiest of tasks to be a hassle. yet for some strange reason, waking up early on wednesdays and saturdays isn’t one of them.

©kaeffeinee 2023. do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works on any platform.

[the-rat-eatery]

Red and Blue from “This is how you lose the time war”. This has been sitting with my unfinished works for a *while* but I decided to finally finish it. It’s a really great sapphic novella and I think everyone with a fondness for pretty language should absolutely give it a read!

Also oh my god please click for quality, tumblr absolutely fucking butchers it

[saturnsnek]

Hidden text?

I’ve been going insane over this for months... I don't think I've ever seen any meta posts talking about this, but if there are, feel free to link them!

So. If you look carefully at the end credits, there seems to be some sort of hidden text there in the grain filter. I'll add a couple of screenshots though tumblr will absolutely butcher the quality, so I encourage you to check the credits if you have access to them. Here's the original and one with added brightness:

See what I'm talking about?

More under the cut

I know this is most likely nothing. That grainy filter has a lot of little details that appear to be letters or even doodles, and our brains love to find patterns. However, this text-looking line does seem a bit weird. I don't know... something about its placement there in the middle. There’s also something that looks like an “x” right below it. As the credits roll, the entire filter moves upwards. This is how it looks near the end:

I have spent a LOT of time trying to decipher what it says but it’s too pixelated. I tried rotating the image and even mirroring it. English is not my first language, so there’s also that.

Again, this is most likely nothing lol. But I just wanted to know what you folks think!

[the-ninjago-historian]

Ninjago Remastered Designs!

THEY'RE DONE! After months of work!!! They are DOOOOOOOOOOONE. WOOOOOOOOOOO! Lol! Welp, these are my Ninjago designs! Basically, this is my take on the Ninja if they were in a 2d animated cartoon! And yes! I will be drawing more characters. Tumblr butchered the quality, so close ups and design notes are below the cut. They're pretty detailed, so I highly recommend checking them out. Feel free to ask questions about the designs! ⬇️⬇️⬇️ - ✒️🐉

When designing these outfits, I tried to take inspiration from the ones in the show. And in terms of art style, drew inspiration from early 2000s cartoons, (Action Adventure ones specifically,) Anime inspired shows, and even a hint of traditional Disney animation. And while I designed them with a 2d cartoon in mind, most of the designs would most likely have to be simplified for them to be used in animation. So let's get started!

Kai: Kai was a pretty fun to work with. I actually didn't plan on giving him a sleeveless outfit. But it happened! And I like it! If you'll notice, the flame pattern on his vest mirrors the pattern on his sister Nya's outfit. I thought that would be a cool detail to include. It was inspired by their March of The Oni outfits. I also made sure to include his scar and bandaid. And gave him reddish brown eyes to signify his elemental power. Him and sister I imagine being Brazilian/Taiwanese. So I hope I captured their ethnicity properly. I'm pretty happy with this design. Especially his hair, which was hard to replicate.

Jay: Jay was a hard one for sure. I wasn't too sure how to vamp up his outfit. So I started by giving him some lightning patterns on his Gi. (At least I think that's what it's called?) And I decided to make it look a little baggy and soft. It just seemed to suit him. I tried something a little more form fitting and didn't look right. Also! A fun detail I included was his half the Yin Yang pendent around his neck! And of course Nya has her half. I imagine him having Irish ancestry, so I gave him pale, freckled skin. And gorgeous curly red hair. (As a fellow red head, I'm very proud.) Overall, I think he turned out pretty adorable. And his face is spot on.

Nya: Nya I pretty much got right on the first try! I just had a really clear vision of her in my head. I gave her a grey outfit with bright, vibrant blue details. The pattern on her Gi is inspired by Koi Scales. And she has her half of the Yin Yang pendent around her neck. I really like this one, because while it is simple, it's beautiful. And I think it reflects her element nicely. The only thing I missed was to give her a symbol like the rest. But overall, I love it! One more thing is that I wanted to give her and Pixal different hair. So when I finally release my Pixal design, you'll see that while they both have ponytails, I gave them different cut and styled ones. Should be neat!

Zane: Zane was the first one of the Ninjas I redesigned! I love how he turned out. I tried to give him a splintered ice effect on his outfit inspired by his Core minifigure and gave him his faithful falcon companion. Falcon has his old greyish purple feathers, but blue icy eyes to match his owner. I also wanted to give Zane flowing sleeves, that would look very majestic waving about in a blizzard wind. He is also incredibly tall. Taller than Cole even! I was inspired by the giant humanoid robots I'd seen in movies. In his cloaking disguise, I imagine him looking German. With blond hair, blue eyes, and light skin. I also like to think Dr Julian was German. (Was this influenced by my German ancestry? Who knows?)

Cole: You would not believe how many times I had to redraw this man's face. Haha! I just could find that sweet spot! That face that perfectly encapsulated his strong, but gentle personality. But I think I did it! His outfit is based on his Oni Trilogy Gi, with orange detailing. And he has his Island ponytail and bandana. I absolutely loved that hair style on him. So I had to use it! And if you'll notice, he has a beautiful tattoo on his right arm, with his symbol in the center. I imagine him being half Maori, from his mother's side. And the tattoo was inspired by Maori tattoos I saw pictures of. I'm not too sure how accurate those images were. But hopefully I hit the mark.

Lloyd: Finally! Our green Ninja Lloyd! His outfit was inspired by two things. Dragons, and his outfit from the Secrets of Forbidden Spinjitsu seasons. I gave him a beautiful golden dragon and cloud pattern on his clothes, a leather arm guard, and shoulder pads. If you look closer, you'll also see he has cat-like dragon eyes which pays homage to his dragon and Oni heritage. I like to think that depending on his emotions, his eyes will go from slits, to big and wide. So they are good indicators for his mood. I also imagine him being Japanese. But his powers give him his classic blond hair and green eyes. I'm very happy with this design. His hair, eyes, and face all look exactly how I see him in my head.

Well, that's all. I hope you enjoyed these designs and notes! I assure you, you will see more of the them.

Bye! - ✒️🐉

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: Jim & Olu, Screentime Quality & Quantity Issues, and Fandom Engagement

It is kind of insane to me that post-Season-1 of OFMD, the tags for Jim Jimenez and Oluwande Boodhari were almost as strong as the ones for Stede and Ed. Like, scrolling back on tumblr, I'm hit by the sheer amount of content posted for them. The fanart. The gifs. The meta. The sheer anticipation of what might come next for them.

(Now, this might just be because I first started looking at the fandom a year in, but I did my best to look at time stamps and how far things were spread out over time for them.)

Now, only a month and a half out from the finale...that flood has dried up to a trickle, if that. There is very little Jim/Olu content, or (more interesting in my own opinion, at least), very little content of them individually. There was plenty when the season was airing, but now? Not so much.

This is not to say that there is no content at all- I am an absolute fan of the fanfic writers, artists, meta-makers, and gifmakers who still contribute to the tag. The QUALITY is still great! It's the QUANTITY that fascinates me.

Because I think it comes back to both the lack of payoff for the rich character writing for these two post-Season 1 AND the butchering of what they did get.

If you read my past metas for these two characters, you'll find my critique of the fact that late-season Jim doesn't feel like Jim at all, and that Olu throughout ALL OF SEASON TWO doesn't feel like Olu, but rather like the writers dumbed him down into the "himbo" role on the show just to have the badass woman x himbo dynamic with him and Zheng Yi Sao (and I am an admitted lover of said dynamic, but not when you strip one of the few emotionally intelligent, clever, logical characters on the show of his intellect and jam him into the role rather than, idk, choosing one of the actual himbos on the show and putting him into that role...wait a second. The writers already HAD the himbo x badass dynamic with Spanish Jackie and the Stede. Is that literally the only way they could figure out how to write a F/M dynamic this season?).

Also, if you pull out all of the Jim/Olu pre-reunion build up (I see you, deleted scene in the Republic of Pirates where Pete and Olu get to pine after Lucius & Jim and talk about how desperate they are to get back to them), have their reunion be rather anticlimatic, and then don't let them have any real kissing/hugging/even emotional intimacy for the rest of the season...I can see why the tag has gotten to the point it has.

A cursory glance at the Blackbonnet/Gentlebeard tags shows that at least half of the tag is just writing fix-it fics for the season, but they are at least ENGAGING with canon because they were given a lot of material (some might argue too much material, as their screentime was often VERY overbalanced as opposed to the rest, and contrary to what some believe, Season 1 WAS an ensemble show, not just the Stede/Ed show) to work with and sort through. Jim and Olu were not given that in Season 2, and thus the amount of material that those in the tag got to pick through and use was either miniscule or felt OOC in nature. So the investment in the characters and ship has rather gone down, which is sad, because post Season 1 these two had my FAVORITE dynamic on the show.

What is the point of this meta? Idk, it's just a thing I've noticed and that has fascinated me. Watching this fandom from both inside and outside has led to noticing some rather interesting patterns/responses to writing that I thought someone else might be interested in.

[mournmourn]

The thing is, tumblr has butchered the quality of the image. You were lucky this time... You would've died on the spot if it would've been in high resolution

Oh im absolutely sure the amount of slay and absurdity wouldve made me lose the last grips of sanity jere hasnt still robbed. Lucky me..

Btw the amount of effort you always put into ur edits is so amazing haha its like seeing a new cursed image fresh (affectionate)

[afterglowparker]

“fallin’ all in you” is my absolute favorite track off the entire third album. it has a special place in my heart and this is my favorite part of the song. the entire arena lit up orange during this performance and it just made my heart grow another ten sizes and fall more in love with this song, since that’s my favorite color. being able to experience this one live meant a lot. 🧡

[mocksart]

I've been listening to the Jekyll and Hyde musical soundtrack again and I was reminded of this ancient au that @manycats and I talked about at length back in the day

can you guess who is who? :3c

[veilleur-de-nuit]

(click for better quality!! - also, i would've posted a still image of the gif, but tumblr has completely butchered the quality, no matter where i post it so...tell me if y'all still want a blurry still image XD)

(original rambles/details under the cut :))

HIHIHII I'M SORRY FOR BEING LATE- *ahem* so here's my secret santa gift for @softinnit :DDD you said that you liked sbi, and after a quick snoop in your blog - finding out that you were canadian (hello fellow canada inhabitant!! o//) - i got inspired to make an sbi version of the beavertail shacks/huts that they install at the Rideau Canal during winter ^-^ (bear in mind, with much creative liberty-)

and in no ways am i assuming that you've ever been to or know of these, i just thought it'd be a cool concept :)

~ we have techno making absolutely no progress shoveling snow, wilbur tapping out a jolly beat, toms being just...straight-up overworked- (god i'm so sorry tommy-), and old man phil just chillin' ~

i've spent almost a full month on this, and i hope you like it ^-^

and manymany thanks to our lovely organizer of this whole event,@mcytblrsecretsanta!!! this was the very first fandom-oriented event that i've attended, and it was a very lovely experience~ much love <3

again sorry for being late, but i hope y'all have had a wonderful holidays ~ and am wishing the best of luck for next year!!

(also i'll be later sharing some wips, references an' credits in a later post :)

[jhelenivarsimae]

Emoji doodles: Can I have Rog looking really happy because he's about to be reunited with Alma pretty please? I'm thinking something like this 😄 or this 😊 or this one😁! Love you, have a great day!

(Yes I know i signed it as 2020 by accident, and no I'm not changing it now because I'm lazy and pls click for quality because tumblr absolutely butchered it 😑)

“Go greet your spouse, lover boy.”

Here's your happy Rog receiving news from Penlod that a special someone has arrived. Inspired by this fic by @thedaughterofshadows go read and check it out because it's so damn good.

[ofcowardiceandkings]

I think you mentioned listening to podcasts? Do you have any favorites to reccommend? I've run out of content :(

that i do !

im not entirely sure what kind of podcast you'd be interested in but i'll throw out a few of the goodies in my huge library of stuff , i'll miss out a few of the HUGE podcasts that have been all over tumblr though

a LOT of it is true crime or human interest stuff , or history because im nerd ,, and a few of these dont have nearly enough attention so [shrug] i'll try to keep this short i guess lol this isnt EVERYTHING ive got in my library or listened series' by any measure

i AM gonna pop a shout to both Stuff You Missed in History Class and Stuff You Should Know from iHeartRadio because their HUGE archives have kept me from losing my mind many times over , and they cover a wide range of both important and wacky topics

BomBARDed (ongoing) this is the only fiction podcast i have happening right now really but its DAMN GOOD ONE .... it's an actual-play D&D 5E podcast in the DMs own musically-inspired world, focussed on a group of multiclass bards going to music school !! and all players (+DM) are members of the Texas band Lindby !! and they actually use and play music in the show with one original song an episode !! Kyle's worldbuilding and storycraft are truly incredible, and (Nick) Goodrich, (also Nick) Spurrier, and Ali's characters are in depth and interesting as well as an absolute powerhouse :') i actually made a piece for its first fanzine, Bardic Dreaming, which published earlier this year and is free to view now, all the players and the community are super wholesome its just very good overall 💙

History & Humans;

Fall of Civilisations (ongoing) legit one of my favourite podcast finds, im so glad my youtube autoplayed one of these ... it took me like 2 hours to realise it was 1) not the same as what was playing before and 2) had been on for 2 hours and wasnt near finished lmao. anyway, this is a series by historical fiction writer Paul Cooper, and is honest to all thats good one of the best documentary series ive encountered in years - and ive consumed a LOT of documentaries. it covered the downfall of various civilisations through history, and the episodes run from an hour to FOUR hours depending on the topic. its so chill to listen to and just get done, but over the pandemic all of the episodes have been given full movie-quality video versions too on youtube if youre more of a visual person.

Casting Lots: A Survival Cannibalism Podcast (on series break) yeah that says that lol ... its a SUPER niche topic but its very interesting and treated very well despite being kind of comical at times, the hosts are just naturally funny lol ... it delves around from the history of cannibalism in whole regions to specific incidents as recently as the 1970s, and of course the first episode is about the Donner Party, and it covers things ive never heard of despite being kind of important ?? anyway Alix and Carmella are good eggs

Sawbones (ongoing) i probably dont need to mention much here other than say that Justin and Sydnee saved me from being SO BORED sooo often, the history of medicine is wacky as hell and its what most of my history GCSE was on so [shrugs]

Cautionary Tales (on series break) this was a wild-card find lol ... it's by Tim Harford "the undercover economist" who writes for the Financial Times, and its topics kind of weave modern topics and science with how to learn from historical errors ... its a bit weird but well worth a go, also each series has a few celebrity guest voice actors which is pretty awesome

Ephemeral (ongoing) this is a very strange but thought provoking series about sounds and other things just barely saved. topics include the last castrato, the hello girls, hand-stamped records, the spread of kīkā kila music, and acoustic fossils of wild places.

Neat! The Boozecast (ongoing) history and bartending whats not to like lol ... hosted by Teylor Smirl and now their dad Tommy, they're just digging around in how important booze is to human culture

True Crime (white collar and weirdness);

Swindled (ongoing) this is an amazing show full stop. A Concerned Citizen details some of the most impactful and unruly things to happen in white collar and corporate crime. very factually accurate but given the sheer bullshit of the topics the deadpan snarking is [chefs kiss] absolutely warranted ..

American Scandal (on series break) this one is a series within a series type, and spends a few episodes at a time poking holes in some of America's biggest scandals, from a dramatised but fact-based point of view. such as what the hell was going on with Enron, how big tobacco was forced to own up to covering its own ass, how Iran-Contra happened, etc. it also now has a sister show called British Scandal, which does the same thing for British cases but with a slightly different format.

Missing in Alaska (finished) this was a fascinating series, a deep dive into what happened to two US government officials who disappeared on a small chartered flight in Alaska in 1972. it goes some really strange places, but it actually turned up a lot of previously unknown information through the audience. John Walczak's new series in a new feed is Missing on 9/11 which looks into what happened to Dr Sneha Philip.

Pretend (ongoing) Host Javier Leiva holds interviews with anyone living a lie, or who have been touched by them. con artists, snake oil salesmen, former cult members, catfishing victims, anyone and everyone.

Power: The Maxwells (finished) hosted by journalist Tara Palmeri, the story of media tycoon Robert Maxwell from nothing to empire to mysterious death and the scandals uncovered after he was gone.

Lets Talk About Sects (ongoing) Sarah Steele covering cults from around the world, in particular those in Australia - where she is from. She often has former members on the show to share their stories, and share knowledge of how they left. each story has the relevant content warnings at the start of each episode.

Brainwashed (finished) investigation of the CIA's covert mind control experiments, centred on the experiments performed at a hospital in Montreal, and its cultural impact.

Dr Death (2 series finished) two series investigating huge cases of fraud and medical malpractice, and how they were brought to a stop. series 1 covers Dr Duntsch and his horribly butchered neurosurgery, series 2 covers Dr Fata and his fraudulent cancer clinic

The Immaculate Deception (finished) untangling the weird and disturbing fertility fraud of Dr Jan Karbaat, who fathered children himself through his fertility clinic, and the impact of his deception. later episodes also touch on other similar cases.

True Crime (Violent/General);

The Casual Criminalist (ongoing) Simon Whistler of-the-many-youtube-channels cold reads a script about the case of the day, with some of his daft commentary thrown in.

Southern Fried True Crime (ongoing) Crimes from the American South hosted by Erica Kelley, she puts all the facts out there but refreshingly for true crime she doesnt hesitate to tell you if she thinks someone is human garbage lol

They Walk Among Us (ongoing) probably one of the most popular UK crime podcasts, very measured and well put together, not weird or annoying about it either.

All Crime No Cattle (ongoing, feed slowed down for now) specifically about crimes from Texas, hosted by Erin and Shay, they're very sensitive hosts and a lot of the cases they cover shed light on why the Texas criminal system is how it is or show an impact at a national level

Canadian True Crime (ongoing) Canadian crime from an Aussie who's lived there for a decade, Kristi is again a sensitive and measured host covering some important topics

True Crime (Violent/Deep Dive);

Hitman (finished) journalist Jasmyn Morris digs around in the sticky tangle around a book published by fringe publisher Paladin Press, and its apparent use as a blueprint in the killing of a mother, her friend and her 8 year old boy for financial gain.

Camp Hell: Anneewakee (ongoing) this series is exploring how a wilderness camp "correctional facility" was endorsed by the Georgia care and juvenile reform system, despite widespread abuses and shady practices the whole time. warning for csa and child cruelty throughout.

True Crime Bullshit (on series break) this one is a huge huge rabbithole but a very interesting one where the host Josh Hallmark has spent years digging into the life and potential crimes of Israel Keyes. Keyes is often mentioned as a serial killer with no pattern, but in picking it apart thats not quite true, and has sparked some re-evaluations of missing persons cases and stumbling upon information the FBI has redacted organically. there's also a series in the middle looking into the crimes of Kelly Cochran

Forgotten: Women of Juárez (finished) this series looks into the huge numbers of missing women of Ciudad Juárez, the strange circumstances surrounding them, and the potential cover-ups and corruptions on both sides of the border, trying to give a voice to all of the forgotten women and girls and their families without answers. the series itself is finished, but a spanish language edition is being released every week now.

aaaaaand i'll call it there before i list everything lol, i hope you find something to plug your boredom hole with !!

[mrpenguinpants]

This is my appreciation post and my shoutout to my lovely friend maagdalen.

If any of you have any art or fics that you would like to share, I would love to see them 👉👈 I’m actually interested in OCs. I don’t personally do them but I love the creativity that people come up with. It doesn’t even have to be genshin, it can be anything. 

---

I’m kicking the door down to tell you all that @maagdalen​​ has some god given talent that I refuse to be silent about. I mean, technically I asked if I could share it BUT BESIDES THE POINT. 

(Please let me know if I posted some things that you want cut out, I’ll delete it no questions asked.)

I’m crying in tumblr quality but I seriously love these so much. I SUCK at aesthetics or edits but I think they are so pretty. I’m trying to post one’s where the quality isn’t completely butchered but tumblr want’s to throw a fit and I don’t know tumblr enough to know how to size images. I think submissions might fix it but I do not know enough about submissions to be able to tell. 

The pure euphoria and joy I felt when I got this. I swear, took 8 years off my life but that trade was worth it. It’s so pretty and I’ve never been given art before;; I will seriously not shut up about how much I love this. Maagdalen actually has so many good edits that I wish I could share them all because we stan praise and recognition 👏👏 Please check @maagdalen​ out I beg you all. 

Like, I seriously love these so much??? And I cry in the fact tumblr is absolutely killing their quality but AHEM. TALENT (o′┏▽┓｀o). I’m seriously being tested on my knowledge of pretty jpegs as I attempt to tag the right people.

[magician-tactician]

No one asked but I slightly redesigned my ocs...so ye here they are we got the traumatized bastards cause 2/3 of em don't have dads and their pasts are fucked up!

Anyways here they are

This here is Kernel me boy, wierd name but yeah he is not ok, he's the main protag and oh god the main thing of this story is just about the absolute horrid lack of mental well-being he has like omg dude go to t h e r a p y

This is Soleil, see like she wasnt meant to be as fucked up but then I was like wait second I know how I can break you and here she is, shes a badass

Then Badger, see I can see the funny thing with all these names like they're all object based hehe. See it's kind of funny like he was named Badger then he was modified to be like the animal- I said to much

Tumblr always butchers the fucking quality I am sorry for the like ten people who will even see this lmao

[mbrainspaz]

okay I didn't expect 'Spider-Man: Valley of the Lizard' to be high quality literature but by the hoary host of hoggoth--

I'm a little under half-way through and so far 80% of it feels like a sheltered 40 y o white guy's travel blog from the late 90's and the syntax alone makes me want to scream.

Yet I keep on reading. Chalk it up to morbid fascination and a dash of masochism. If you ever wanted an absolutely perfect picture of why various writing 'rules' like "don't use so many gosh-darn adverbs" exist, check this badboy out babey. *slaps roof of audiobook* It's a masterpiece production of What Not To Write in almost every way.

To be fair the main reason I'm cringing so hard is because I used to make all these mistakes and hearing them from someone else is really just slapping me in the face with how badly I used to write. Okay, how badly I still write... sometimes.

Here's my main takeaway so far--

DON'T TREAT YOUR READERS LIKE IDIOTS, IDIOT !!!!

Don't slap readers in the face with descriptors and other info that could've been implicit. Don't repeat the same plot points a dozen times by rephrasing them without adding any new info. Don't use five different names for the same thing in a single paragraph--call a lizard a lizard! Don't tell readers how to feel by overstating POV character reactions. Make them feel it by writing. Hey, take it easy on the 11th grade vocab words too, especially during fight scenes.

and uh, lay off the 'noble savage' trope I guess but hopefully that's less of a problem for anyone reading this on tumblr in 2021.

✨ Weird audiobook reader tangent below the cut. ✨

The non-writing related thing that's been bugging me is that the audiobook reader sounds like he has a north-western American accent. Pretty sure it's the same guy who read the Spider-Man book by Jim Butcher (the reason I started down this grim literary spider-man rabbit hole). Couldn't get a New Yorker to voice Spider-Man---FINE, but jeeze guys, at least get another British guy who can fake a decent north-eastern American accent! If I hear Peter Parker pronounce 'won' as 'waahn' one more time I'm gonna let a horse step on my headphones.

POST GOOGLING ADDITION TO THE ACCENT TANGENT: The reader is some guy named Tim Paige who read the book in 2020 and apart from the distracting accent he does great. His Twitter says he's living in NY so I'm willing to consider that I may not know what a New York accent actually sounds like... but I swear it doesn't sound like that???? Different guy did Jim Butcher's but they have the same accent, which is somehow more concerning. ONE MORE GOOGLE LATER: Okay yeah Jack Meloche who read the Jim Butcher one is from Michigan, so that tracks with the vaguely Canadian sounding vowels. On some level I'm right to be annoyed lol. Tim Paige definitely doesn't do a New York City accent. I guess Syracuse is far enough north that people sound like Canadians up there too. I wouldn't know, I've never been farther north than NYC. 🤷 I also found out 'Valley of the Lizard' was written in 1998. The way they talk about cell phones would've given it away if describing Corpus Christi as a quaint rural town hadn't. If you're wondering what Spider-Man is doing in Corpus Christi, he isn't. It's Dr. Connors. Why is he there? To write a dull & culturally ignorant travel blog apparently. K bye. Back to slowly dying of facepalming. Cheers pals.