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dr-futbol-blog · 12 days ago

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The Tower, Pt. 17

While McKay is in the basement of the Tower in the auxiliary control room feverishly trying to think of something that might help them stop Otho form using the control chair to destroy the villagers (and Teyla and Ronon with them), we may note that instead of using his radio that is perfectly capable of making more than one call (is capable even of having all four of them on the same damn call at the same time, to open a general channel) to warn Teyla and Ronon of the impending attack, Sheppard is still on the same call with McKay. And it seems like instead of using the time that McKay has been thinking to warn Teyla and Ronon, Sheppard has just been idling on the private channel with McKay, basically listening to McKay breathe, listening to him think, instead of even considering whether McKay's coming-up-with-a-plan time may have been better spent getting off the call for even a moment. Sheppard's eggs all seem to be in the basked of McKay coming up with something, which he then of course does. After a fashion.

McKay: Alright, I think I've got something. According to my readings, the ZPM is nearly depleted. If we can activate enough systems simultaneously, it might drain power completely, thus rendering the drones inert. Sheppard: So do it! McKay: No, I can't. I don't have access to enough systems to draw that kind of power. I need something really big.

As we compare this with Sheppard's recent time working in an intense and time-sensitive situation with another scientist within the confined space of a jumper under water in Grace Under Pressure (S02E13), we may recall that Zelenka had told Sheppard to "Then stop talking, please" while he needed to work so that he might be able to concentrate. While McKay had told Sheppard no such thing here, and he seems not just to have learned how to work under intense circumstances while Sheppard is talking to him very well but actually seems to not just prefer but may actually need Sheppard to be talking to him to work his best, it seems like Sheppard has been keeping quiet until now. Sheppard seems to have fallen quiet ostensibly to give McKay the opportunity to concentrate, perhaps even due to Zelenka's influence, but possibly due to not having had the chance to deal with how deeply he had been affected by coming so close to losing McKay, and there still being this undefined awkwardness between them, these emotions that remain undealt with both between them and within them individually.

The under water affair had been really intense for both of them, and neither of them had had the time or the opportunity to come to grips with everything; McKay almost having lost his life, how close the call had been, how near Sheppard had come to losing him, how certain McKay had been that he was going to meet his Maker. There was a lot there to unpack for them together and individually, and the best that they seem to have been able to do between then and now was to begin repressing it. Not dealing, but trying not to have to deal with it to the best of their considerable respective abilities not to deal and to keep on keeping on without stopping to take stock of where they were separately and with each other. And now this situation was becoming intense enough in its own right and they were both about the discover just how well not dealing with the aftermath of the last serious situation was going for them. The walls were literally about to come down on them.

We may note that Sheppard snaps at McKay here, and this is all the more striking for how well he had managed to keep his fear in check while he had been working with Zelenka, how respectful he had managed to stay with the other scientist. The two times that he had snapped at Zelenka was when he had told him that he would force him to come down to the ocean with him even if Weir would not, and when Zelenka was telling him that there was nothing they could do to save McKay because of "Physics". And yet Sheppard's calm and courteous behaviour toward Zelenka had little to do with him since we have seen him snapping at Zelenka previously, it was more a feature of how hard he was repressing his emotions at the time. And even the two times that he snapped at Zelenka, Sheppard's intensity was nowhere near what it is here, and what Sheppard does here is even more out of character for him in that he rarely if ever tells McKay what to do.

Sheppard tends not to order or command McKay to do things because he does not want to place them in a relationship of subordinate and superior, and even here he is not telling McKay to do this as his commander, as his team leader, not in any official capacity. He is hissing at him to do it here as John Sheppard to Rodney McKay, as one fellow to another, as someone who knows him intimately, as someone close to him. This sense of urgency and lack of decorum in making demands to the other man is not coming from Sheppard thinking that he is within his rights to demand McKay to do this but out of his need for it to get done. Sheppard is desperate here, he seems to be at the actual end of his rope, and the fact that he is actually telling McKay what to do, and actually telling him to do it in this tone that tolerates no objections, tells us just how badly he needs this thing to happen. Testament to how serious Sheppard is about the situation is that does not even react to McKay's mention of needing something really big, which is the kind of unintentional double entendre we usually see him pick up on, never mind how dire the situation.

And we have to recognize what is motivating Sheppard here. The thing that makes Sheppard sound angry is fear. It is when he is truly afraid that Sheppard comes across as angry because fear is a feeling that he does not know how to express and turning the fear into anger makes it easier for him to manage, to express. And the thing that he fears is not the safety of the villagers, or even Teyla and Ronon. He is concerned for their safety, to be sure, but he does not fear for them. And he certainly does not fear for Mara's safety, or for Beckett or -- Heaven help him -- for his own safety. Any one of those losses, he could deal with. Even putting all of those losses together, he might be devastated but he could go on living. There is only one thing that he cannot live without currently on this planet, and losing him -- having so very recently having come so close to losing him for good -- he cannot even begin to deal with this fear.

And unlike McKay, who is taking his emotions out on everyone else but Sheppard, Sheppard is taking all of this out on McKay and specifically on McKay because it is McKay's fault that he is afraid. McKay is the source and cause of his fear but he is also the last person he wants to learn about this fear. Because of the drastic way McKay had reacted the previous time Sheppard had been willing to sacrifice his life to keep McKay safe, Sheppard now seems to treat his concern for McKay as a secret, like he could protect McKay without the other man ever even figuring it out that that is what he is doing. And yes, they are both contributing to this state of affairs, they are both bad at this.

Sheppard: How about the star drive? The city's just like Atlantis, right, a city that was designed to fly? McKay: You want me to fly the city right up out of the ground? Sheppard: No! You don't have to go anywhere. Just charge the engines. That should be the greatest single drain of power you can create.

I invite you to look at Sheppard's face here. McKay does not see his face. Even Beckett does not see his face as Sheppard relaxes his pained grimace when he glances at the other man in the room with him. But we can see his face, and his expression is anguish. He grimaces like he is in actual physical pain. Even when he made the decision to fly the jumper to the hive he did not look like this, when he told Weir that he had to and she knew it, he did not look this pained. When Zelenka had told them there was nothing they could do at the bottom of the ocean after they had found McKay's jumper he had not looked like this. And it is obvious the way he schools his face here that he does not want anyone to see him like this. Sheppard is vulnerable here, and this is not caused by the villagers or Teyla and Ronon. This is not even strictly caused by what is happening to them now.

What Sheppard comes up here actually tells us what is eating him here. He thinks for a moment, and we have seen him come up with ideas for McKay to implement in the past, they work together well like this. Sheppard can suggest something and McKay can make it happen when there is no pressure on him to pull ideas out of his ass. But the stardrive, requiring also the initialization of the shield and the inertial dampeners, combines the things that had nearly claimed McKay's life in the past weeks. Ever since returning from his months long exile in the sanctuary, Sheppard had come close to losing McKay twice. He remembers the stardrive because the stardrive had been the thing their Goa'uld mole had used in trying to destroy the city and it had been the two of them working together that had averted disaster with precious few seconds to spare. He thought that had been too close for comfort and shortly thereafter McKay had almost drowned to death because he had not been with him. It has now been nearly a full day since he has seen McKay and it is driving him nuts. Sheppard actually tells him "You don't have to go anywhere," which is the secret wish of his heart, that McKay would never leave him. And so he suggests McKay try to thing the pops into his mind.

McKay: You're right, that could work. Yeah, but there's only one problem. Sheppard: What? McKay: This place is pretty unstable. If I fire up the engines, the vibrations alone could cause the whole thing to come down on us. Sheppard: That's a risk we're gonna have to take.

Their exchange here may be the most important in the episode. To start with McKay, he sounds excited at first. He loves working together with Sheppard because this is what they do so well, this what makes them so good. Sheppard comes up with a brilliant idea, and McKay not only gives him credit for him even though we have been told that he does not like sharing credit (even with his sister). What is more, McKay tells Sheppard that he is right. McKay admires Sheppard and has no problem in letting him know that.

But as soon as he is awash with pleasure at Sheppard sharing this idea with him, he recognizes the inherent problem with it (for him personally) which is that it seems to be dangerous. To him, personally, as well as to his young companion. Now we hear anguish in his tone, a whine as he tries to tell Sheppard that he will do it if Sheppard wants him to but there is a but. McKay is not saying no to Sheppard but he needs the man to understand the personal risk he is taking here. And let us recall that at the end of Trinity (S02E06), Weir had chewed out McKay for him putting his own life at risk because by risking his life, McKay was risking everyone on Atlantis. They need him so much that even though we know that McKay seems more than willing to lay down his life for a worthy cause, a lot of people depend on him staying alive. He is needed. And so McKay is needing Sheppard to make the decision for him here, to tell him that this is a worthy cause.

While McKay seemed to mean that the city would come crashing down on him and his companion, Sheppard may have heard his "us" as meaning "on all of us inside the city" (for him, "us" is always "Sheppard and McKay"). We see him pause when McKay explains the risk to him, and we see him give Beckett a long look before he tells McKay to do it because he seemed to think Beckett was among the people he was putting at risk. Now, the military commander of Atlantis, the chief medical officer and chief scientist and greatest scientific authority on Ancient technology are all inside the building that he has been told might come crashing down on them if he makes the call. Sheppard does not have the right to sacrifice all of their lives to save a merry band of villagers and two native warriors of this galaxy. He may care about Teyla and Ronon a lot and he may wish to save the innocent villagers, but weighing their lives against what he is putting in jeopardy here, the math is just not mathing. And let us not even entertain the thought that Sheppard would be sacrificing just McKay's life so that he might be able to rescue his lady love because he has not given her one single thought during this entire call (and she was not the one needing rescuing in the first place).

Sheppard's tone sounds very intimate during this latter part of the exchange, like he is talking to his lover. We also see him looking over his shoulder before he speaks to McKay, and he is not just looking at the guards outside but he also seems to want to make sure that Beckett cannot overhear him, let alone Mara and Tavius who are also both still in the cell. He has been whispering the whole call but he sounds softer now, and we see him worry his lip before he tells McKay that they, the two of them, are going to have to take this risk. Now, Sheppard seems to already have a plan here to make his way down to McKay because that is what his brain has been working on all goddamn day, but he cannot be sure that his plan is going to work and this is inarguably dangerous.

He does not like taking chances with McKay's safety but the thing is, as soon as Otho is done with the village, he is coming for McKay. Unlike the previous day when he had been in the village trying to trick the man into thinking there had only been three of them, he knows that Otho knows the truth now. He knows that Sheppard had his own man checking up on the drone situation hoping to swing a deal with these people. He knows that if Otho figures out how to use the hologram technology of the chair, he is going to find McKay and take him out as quickly as a thought. That is what Sheppard is worried about. McKay is the next on Otho's list. But note that just as soon as Sheppard tells him to do it, he starts implementing his own plan to get down to McKay. If either one is going to be dying here, they are not dying alone.

McKay: Firing up main engines.

Of course, McKay does not know Sheppard's plan. He does not know how much it is costing Sheppard to have to make this call. All he knows is that Sheppard had told him to risk his own life and had not even told him good luck, let alone telling him good-bye just in case. From the look on his face, telling McKay to do this had been one of the most difficult things in Sheppard's life and yet McKay has no way whatsoever of knowing that. His voice sounds defeated and almost broken as he says out loud that he is firing up main engines, and he is definitely saying it to Sheppard rather than to his young companion even though he cannot even be sure Sheppard is on the call any more. He may have company in the auxiliary control room but he feels very much alone.

Mara: What's going on? Sheppard: Let's go. Beckett: What about him? Sheppard: Forget about him. Beckett: Sorry, wee man.

Just as soon as the city starts shaking, Mara voices the question that the audience may also be wondering about. What this tells us that Sheppard had not felt the need to explain anything to her or to even give her a heads up because this is not about her. Sheppard makes quick work of the guards, using Mara's distress as something to distract them with and just as soon as they come to check up on her, he disposes of them easily. He has no time to waste, he has places to be, and you can be sure that the place where he is rushing toward is not down in the village. And he needs Mara to come with them now for the same reason he had been looking for her earlier, to take him down to the catacombs. This is not about Sheppard needing to save his lady love, this is about him needing to get down to his man with not a moment to spare. This was Sheppard's plan: to stop Otho and to get down to McKay quickly enough to save him from getting buried alive. Sheppard has places to be.

Now, it is easy for the general viewer to assume that because Sheppard punches the guard and takes off with "the girl" that Sheppard is motivated by rescuing a damsel in distress when that is not necessarily -- or even likely -- what he is doing here. Beckett asks Sheppard what to do with Tavius, and we may note that what Sheppard tells him is to forget about him. He does not tell Beckett to lock him back up in the cell, and the fact that Beckett does this tells us at the very least that the medical doctor who has taken an oath to protect human life seems not to have understood the severity of risk Sheppard has taken, the danger they are currently in. If Beckett had recognized that all of their lives are in danger of being buried alive by McKay starting up the stardrive, it means that he was purposefully condemning the man to death just for being an unlikeable, arrogant asshole -- which seems unlikely. Beckett is sworn to first do no harm, regardless of whether he likes someone or not, so shutting the door on Tavius while knowing that not being able to escape the Tower as the walls start caving in on them means death to him seems like an uncharacteristically callous decision on Beckett's part.

Of course, Beckett had not been in on the whole call with Sheppard and McKay, and he had not heard McKay tell Sheppard what the stakes are. And he had even less opportunity than Sheppard did on determining whether McKay's "us" had meant himself and Baldric or everyone within the Tower which, it seems, McKay had at the very least meant to include himself and Baldric and which Sheppard very likely had interpreted to mean himself and McKay. The risk mentioned by Sheppard had never been just for McKay to risk his life and his life alone, for McKay to risk his life so that some random villagers or Sheppard and his girl might live.

At the bare minimum Sheppard was meaning to risk his own life so that Ronon and Teyla might survive even though what we saw at the start of the episode suggests that Sheppard's motivation had not been the protection of Ronon and Teyla, since by giving up his own freedom and forcing Ronon to give up his weapons, he had personally placed their lives in jeopardy. By choosing to contact McKay instead of telling Ronon and Teyla to leave the village, he had chosen to place their lives in jeopardy. Sheppard was taking risks, he was being forced to take some risks here, but whose life he was willing to risk and for what reason was anything but a clear question here.

Without the aid of the context of the previous episode and the whole arc of their relationship so far, it would be easy to come to the conclusion that Sheppard is being cavalier with McKay's life, and this may well be one of those moments that make people think that Sheppard does not even like McKay. Does not care about McKay. It is easy to miss the way his heart is breaking when he tells the man that he loves that this is a risk that they are going to have to take. But what is even more tragic is that McKay himself seems to come to the same conclusion. Due to his history, his poor self-esteem and his inexperience with being in an intimate loving relationship, he has no tools whatsoever to understand Sheppard's motivations, his own importance to the other man.

McKay: Well, this is better! Baldric: I guess.

The ZPM runs out of power, bathing them in darkness -- but at least the ceiling does not come entirely down on McKay and his young local companion. Even though he survives, McKay does not sound pleased, and this is not because he is not glad to be alive. The plan had worked, they had narrowly escaped death once again, and once more he was unable to celebrate this with the person he most cared about because he was now buried alive waiting for a rescue.

And while it may have been a a nice change of pace from waiting for rescue in a jumper swiftly filling up with freezing water, he was sick and tired of being in these situations alone, and he was starting to think that the reason he was always dying on his own was because Sheppard simply did not care about him. Sheppard did not care whether he lived or died, he was now "all safe and warm and cosy on the surface while I'm stuck down here paying for his mistakes!" Sheppard had only just risked his own life to save him but McKay does not see what he does, he only hears what Sheppard says, and because Sheppard is not good at saying things, he does not hear a whole lot. McKay may not be cold and wet in the suffocating tunnels, and he may not even be alone with his trusty local guide, but he certainly feels cold and alone, abandoned and unchosen by Sheppard. He feels discarded, disposable. This is some Greek tragedy stuff right here, and it leads us to the bitter resentment of the long married couple in the next episode given how this is the last that we see of McKay in this episode. He is left in the dark. This is symbolic.

Continued in Pt. 18

#stargate atlantis #john sheppard #sga #sga meta #sheppard is bi #rodney mckay #rodney is gay #mcshep #ep. the siege #ep. the tower #ep. grace under pressure #ep. critical mass #ep. trinity

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