#Tim drake being a little shit

[bella-baby22]

Mr. Mom Bruce

So I was listening to Mr. Mom by lone star while reading batfam headcanons and the thought struck me for Bruce with the batkids whether it’s a closer in age AU or a de-aged AU whatever you like best

I’m thinking the boys ages are Dick 12, Jason 10, Tim 7, and Damian is like 2ish?

Alfred: Master Bruce its time for my yearly vacation and I’m not changing it you’re in charge of the house and kids while I’m away. Feel free to call me if you need anything

Bruce: we’ll be fine Alfred how hard can it be? I’ll hang with the kids and have afternoon naps

Alfred: *smiles innocently* Very well, Sir.

*45 mins later*

Bruce: *frantically trying to get Dick off the chandelier* please chum just come down?!?

Dick: *cackling like a demon* never!!

Jason and Tim: *screaming in the other room*

Bruce: what’s going on you two?!

Jason: Tim wants to watch freaking power rangers! But it’s my turn and I wanna watch jungle book!

Tim: That’s like the 15th time this week!!

Bruce: *groans grabbing his hair* just agree on a totally different movie?

Cass: I voted for Thumbalina

Bruce: that’s nice sweetie

Dick: *still on the chandelier* Bruce the ovens smoking!!

Bruce runs to the kitchen to see that dinner is indeed burning and Damian is sitting on the floor coloring on the wall with something that looks like gum in his hair

Bruce crying into his phone: Alfred come home…

[random-sparks-98]

Divorced. Beheaded. Died. Divorced. Beheaded. Survived. Tonight, Gotham, We Are LIVE! (3905 words) by Sparky441 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, Duke Thomas, Damian Wayne, Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley, Edward Nygma, Jonathan Crane, Oswald Cobblepot, Harvey Dent, Selina Kyle, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth Additional Tags: Chaotic Batfamily (DCU), Tired Parent Bruce Wayne, Crazy Gotham City, Inspired by Six the musical, Crack Treated Seriously, Life in Gotham City (DCU), Gotham City Rogues, It's Halloween Folks, Dick and Harley are on the same wavelength, Chaotic Harleen Quinzel, Chaotic Dick Grayson, Jason Todd Being a Little Shit, bat kids being little shits, Dick Grayson Being a Little Shit, Stephanie Brown Being a Little Shit, Tim Drake Being a Little Shit, Duke Thomas is a Batfamily Member, Duke Thomas Being a Little Shit, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Cassandra Cain Being a Little Shit, BAMF Barbara Gordon, chaotic selina kyle, I'd love to say, no beta we die like robins, but there was actually some beta so-, some beta we come back like robins

Summary: Dick bursts into the room. “I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Jason glances over from where he’s holding Damian’s katana out of reach. “Will it fuck with Bruce?”

Dick grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled bat kids all share a maniacal grin. ”Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, across Gotham:

Harley bursts into the room. “I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Ivy looks up from the plant she was tending to. “Will it fuck with the bat?”

Harley grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled rouges all share a maniacal grin. “Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, in the Batcave:

Bruce shudders as a sudden chill runs down his spine. He brushes it off and turns back to the case file he’s working on. It must be the normal coldness of the cave.

Surely not something else.

[confused-wanderer]

Nightwing: I wish I was an only child again..

Red Hood: and I wish I was dead again..

Nightwing *looks at him*

Red Hood *preparing to be scolded*

Nightwing:

Red hood:

Nightwing:

Nightwing *quietly*: damn never mind forgot I had more siblings *walks away*

Red Hood:

Red Hood: Was he- were you actually considering killing me-

[d-1hater]

honestly one of the main reasons I like dc is that they can’t keep a storyline straight for shit. anything I don’t like is just *not real*. that’s different storyline babes what are you talking about???

like at this point I can consider shit like wfa and hell even well written fanfics as canon bc who knows what’s going on with those funky little people?? certainly not the dc writers

[ahfrickenfrick]

dick: i just think it’s really funny how you call tim pretender

jason: why

dick: roy and kori were MY friends first :(

jason: get over yourself

dick: and now tim has a speedster best friend too :(

dick: heh, guess you can’t beat the original blueprint 😙

jason: you really jumped from being upset to accepting that

dick: to be fair the one thing that bruce really taught us was to compartmentalize our emotions

jason: yeah that was really the only thing that has really stuck for me, huh?

dick: really pisses alfred off

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC More Shit Fae!Danny Has Said While Living With Waynes

Dick, opening his arms wide and going for a hug: hey, Danny!

Danny, looking him in the eyes without blinking: did you know that centuries ago fae really liked to crawl inside human bodies and use them as nests? I heard human insides are really warm and squishy.

Dick, sweating, frozen in place: ...no?..

Danny, smiling and cheerfully jumping to hug Dick: I didn't either!

Jason, because he is feeling adventurous today: I have a question. Where do Fae come from?

Danny: Ah, so B hadn't had the Talk with you yet, what a shame. So when a woman and a man love each other very much-

Damian: Enough of your foolish jokes, I do not wish to hear the sex talk from you. To answer your question, Todd, Fae come from the dreams.

Jason, deadpan: ...really?

Danny, very awkwardly: Um. Dami. Brother to my soul. I'm so sorry.

Damian: What?

Danny: I told you we come from dreams only because you were four. That's not actually how it works. We just fuck.

Duke, narrowing his eyes at Danny suspiciously: So, for the past week and a half, I've been having this recurring dream about you eating my brain with a fork like spaghetti. I was wondering, is it, like, a you thing or a me thing?

Danny, very offended: Duke! Not every weird thing that happens in this house is my fault! That is very rude of you!

Cass, after Duke had apologized profusely and left: You.

Danny, rolling his eyes: Yeah, okay, I did do that. In my defense, his fear tastes like the perfect greasy cheeseburger, and I have to get my fair share of junk food somehow.

Cass: >:(

Danny: Okay, I'll stop. Eventually.

Bruce, in his nth attempt at gaining information from Danny: How do you know if someone is a Fae or not?

Danny: Throw a fish at them.

Bruce: ????

Danny, not even looking up from his phone: Fish are scared of the Fae. So if you throw a fish at someone and the fish gets scared, they are Fae.

Gotham Rogues a week later: We have no idea why Batman keeps throwing guppies at us, but we collectively suspect his new child is to blame.

Danny: Oh, I'm forbidden to enjoy caraoke nights.

Steph, who suggested he join: What? Why? Is it some kind of punishment for the pizza incident?

Tim: No, it's because if he starts singing, we all lose our grip on reality.

Damian: And our dignity.

Danny: They mean they start dancing whether they want it or not, and I have videos to prove it. Wanna see Jason twerking? Or I have one with Tim and Bruce waltzing through the manor.

Steph, as everyone else bemoans their fate: With great pleasure.

| <- prev | next ? |

@violet-foxe

[deadsetobsessions]

Short DPXDC prompt #2, from @stealingyourbones.

“It’ll be good for you!” Dick threw an arm around Tim’s shoulders as he beamed his way through Gotham U’s campus.

“I could have done this online. They have virtual degrees. I could have hacked my way into one.”

“Yeah, but then you wouldn’t get the authentic experience!”

The group arrived at the dorm building, one of many, and Damian gave it a dubious once over.

“If this is authentic, I refuse to be a part of the locals.” Damian quietly remarked, before peering cautiously at Dick. “I have obtained my degrees. I do not need this experience.”

“It’s really not that bad, guys.”

“How would you know? You went to Blüdhaven for college.” Tim retorted with the voice of a young man resigned to despair. “You lived off campus and your door pin was Zitka’s birthday, month first then date second.”

“… Tim, why the fuck do you know that.”

“When I knocked on your door, that was just common courtesy. I didn’t actually need you to open it. I could have opened it myself.”

Dick’s smile brightens even further, with the light of an LED bulb instead of his usual sun, and places a hand on Tim’s head. “You’re creepy sometimes, you know that?”

“And you’re careless sometimes, you know that?” Tim groused. “Ugh, whatever. Let’s just get this over with. I can’t believe I’m going to have a roommate.”

“It’ll be fun! And if it isn’t, you can always swap roomies. We have enough pull to have that happen.”

“Doubtlessly.” Damian said. “This campus barely passes the bar of acceptability. Why is the campus like this. Why is it incorporated into the city.”

Tim smirked. Even though Damian spoke with formal language only found in the highest of echelons of society, Jon’s influence was beginning to make itself known. Good for him, the little shit. Privately, Tim thought the presence of a Kryptonian brought out the better sides of a bat. God knows Kon did, for him.

“Okay, enough whining you two! Let’s get Tim settled in.”

Tim elbowed Dick in the gut and kept walking into the building as his big brother wheezed dramatically. Damian rolled his eyes- he’s seen Nightwing take harder hits than Drake’s pointy elbows and walk it off- and followed. Unbeknownst to them, Dick all but beamed with joy at their solidarity. His plan was working.

——

Tim settled into the dorm, disgruntled at the small and uncomfortable twin mattress. The dorm smelt of faint mildew, had at least ten safety code violations, and had ventilation that probably hasn’t been cleaned since the last fear gas attack. The vent thing honestly might explain the state of Gotham U’s students and their proclivities to become supervillains. Tim is more tempted to go into villainy than ever before with these conditions.

That is, until his roomie walked in.

Step 1) reboot brain.

Holy shit, his roomie was HOT.

Step 2) notice all the weird things his roomie all showed unconsciously. Too graceful. Walking carefully, like how Kon does sometimes when he’s remembering to be careful with his fragile surroundings. Meta? Too sharp teeth.

Wait. Sharp teeth?

“Uh, hi. I’m Danny. You must be my roommate. Tim, right?” The guy, Danny, had a deep voice. And too sharp teeth. Because he smiled. It was a damn nice smile.

Step 3) bi panic. DID TIM MENTION HE WAS HOT??

“Uh. Hi. Yeah, I’m Tim.”

“Cool. What’re you majoring in?”

“Forensic Analysis. You?”

“Aerospace engineering.”

They looked at each other awkwardly. “Cool, I’m just gonna set my stuff down.”

“You’re not from here, right?” Tim asked and promptly flushed when an amused smile gets thrown his way.

“The accent give it away?”

“Yeah. Uh. You want a tour, man?”

“Sure. Thanks.”

——

It was flashes of things.

“Oh. I don’t go anywhere without my thermos.” Danny smiled, patting the dented thing. Except, Tim’s never seen him drink from it.

Or:

“Oh, woah. Food’s not attacking me.” And the thing is, Danny actually looked apprehensive before poking at the cafeteria food.

What??

And a month passes before Tim realizes he’s one hundred percent absolutely fucked.

Because it’s one thing if it’s an extremely attractive dork with brains and humor.

It’s an entirely different thing if the extremely attractive dork with brains and humor was a complete and total mystery. Tim is an absolute sucker for mysteries. It’s even more attractive than smacking him in the face with a brick!

“Hey, Tim?”

“Uh. Yeah?” Tim screamed at himself. He’s dated like fifteen different people! Why the hell is he so awkward with Danny?

(Tim was always awkward. He has that autistic rizz.)

“Tell me more about blood splatters?” Danny asked with a hopeful smile. Tim folded like wet paper. (It helps that he knows a lot- too much- about analyzing blood splatters.)

——

Outside of their window, Nightwing cackled to himself. It was worth using the Wayne name to get Tim the most interesting college kid Dick could find as a roommate. Who said Tim had the market corner on stalking anyways?

Nightwing flipped off of the roof, all but skipping home.

Robin, his patrol partner for the night, grimaced. For all Richard was his favorite, the man unsettled him at times.

[copper-meadows]

One thing I feel like I consistently seem to forget to share, somehow, is that Red Robin is most likely to hold onto a grudge like a grubby kid and some candy he found in a dumpster.

I know this argument has been made before, but I want the Tim Drake who actively judges people for simply breathing wrong.

I need the kid who's actively judging other heroes at all times, who has no patience for incompetence, and who aggressively parents grown men who dress as bats in their free time.

I need a Tim Drake who side-eyes his teammates. The kid who actively has to hold back from making spreadsheets detailing every trait that doesn't meet his own incredibly high expectations (whether the traits are his own or another person's is debatable).

I need him mentally ranking each person he interacts with by how much of a liability they are, both in field and as people with active roles in his life (maybe a lingering effect of parents who tired but weren't really there).

And sure, he outgrows judging people for things they can't control, but damn if you do something stupid.

Don't get me wrong, I've consumed a lot of Tim Drake: emotionally inept mess who needs love, but I want that paired with the same kid who looked Red Hood in the eye and literally scoffed.

I need this because I need a petty Tim who goats Jason on because yeah, they're good now and even consider themselves lightly family, but hey, 'remember that time you tried to kill me?'

I need this because I need Tim Drake: in need of love and reassurance, but because the people he judges includes himself.

[lena-thinks-too-much]

ooh i’d love to hear about your Jason Todd Hates Gun Batman au. i loved your works with gun batman being the biggest op to Jason’s need for the dramatics

oooh okay so I'm actually super excited for this one so I'm not gonna give away too much but I will say that this is the opening line:

Jason has a lot of questions he could be asking. Why the hell does Batman have a gun? Why is he pointing it at Jason like he actually plans to use it? And why—of all the reckless, idiotic things—did his replacement just step between them like some sort of human shield? But the question Jason actually asks is “How the fuck did you make that thing even uglier in two weeks?”

basically Gun Batman travels back in time to kill someone (currently tbd) before they get too strong except he forgets that the date he traveled to was Jason's attack on Titan Tower until he pops up in the middle of their fight. Tim being Tim decides that Jason is laughably pathetic in his spirit Halloween Robin costume and that gun Batman is the bigger threat and pivots. Jason is initially pissed off about this until he realized Batman is holding a gun with the safety off and all semblance of coherence kinda gets thrown out the window.

I think I'm getting progressively unhinged every time I write one of these tbh

[ew-selfish-art]

DPx DC Au: Might as well be brothers. Young Justice hears about a regional hero disappearing, and while they've never met the guy, Red Robin's contacts say that Ra's is hunting him for afterlife/immortality related reasons.

Tim drake hates the annoying white uniform he's wearing but breaking into this place is crucial to his 24 hour plan to rescue Phantom. He'd never even heard of the guy until a week ago when Pru came to him with info that Ra's was looking into Midwest Real Estate, and then Tim stumbled down the rabbit hole of Ghost conspiracy theories until he saw an article demanding that local officials speak on the hero's absence of 10 days. 10 days was short enough that Tim might find a sign of life and well, another federal agency being hacked by Red Robin is nothing new.

So now, he's walking down the halls with these stupid fucking glasses and this stupid fucking suit while Kon listens from the comfort of the surveillance van. He takes a turn and sees the track suits that the illegally detained inmates are wearing, and pivoting the plan, makes his way to a locker room to get one and get changed. It does take him an extra second and he considers that this might bite him- but Tim knows the place inside and out. He's scoured all their data, and sue him for being cocky, but he has a literal alien ready to tear the place apart waiting for his heart rate to jump above 80 bpm. which is a pretty low heart rate all things considered.

Tim gets exactly where he's meant to go, and waits only a few minutes before he see's the science team extract Phantom from the high security room.

Phantom doesn't make it clear if he notices Tim, but he's basically being dragged by the couple, so Tim decides to beat them to their destination. The experimental wing had shown up in their reported data not long after they made it extremely obvious that they had Phantom in their data output.

Tim's already in the room when he starts to notice that it's not exactly a room... more like a mechanical space. The way the corners curl in the room make it almost tube like... Portal like.

Phantom is thrown in and Tim grabs him the second the scientists leave, but the kill switch key Tim made to get them out isn't working for this door like it did all the others.

"Not... Not a door."

"We're in some sort of device aren't we? Something of their own design that the government isn't aware they're funding?"

"Portal. You've gotta get out, even if you get caught, you gotta get out now."

Tim's comm comes alive in his ear, its Kon responding to Tim's heart rate rising- and Tim is hesitant to call him in but ultimately tells him to start flying over for extraction.

Then the portal goes off, and while he feels pain, he doesn't feel different. Bright light subsiding, Kon's arms around him with a confused voice, and lots of lasers being fired his way... Tim wakes up to see a much younger Phantom looking at him from the other side of the young justice couch.

Kon, Bart and Cassie are all fighting at a white board that's been wheeled in but Tim can only yawn and blink his way into consciousness enough to give a shit.

Black haired and blue eyed, button nosed with large ears, a wry thin lipped smile... Tim realizes that Phantom looks incredibly similar to his younger self. And then Tim looks at his much smaller hands and realizes that he probably looks a lot more similar to his younger self than normal.

Taking in the scenery once more, the white board is divided on the traits Tim has to the children sitting left and right on the couch. Kon didn't know who was who. That meant that maybe... the government didn't either.

Phantom turns out to be a pretty chill dude despite all the trauma, and he's incredibly prepared to both fuck with Ra's and the government in their newly found childhood twin-ship.

One of the twins is scarier than the other, and despite Danny literally haunting them, its always Tim.

(Okay now its some one else's turn :D )

[weaverofink]

Young Justice outfit switch part 1!! The non-meta fighters: Arrowette and Robin

[xmultifandomsx]

jason can't use autocorrect anymore

Picture this: Jason having disabled autocorrect on all his electronics. Normally, it doesn't matter. Jason's vocabulary is spectacular and so is his spelling, it's one of those things he's always prided himself on. No one could ever tell he was from Crime Alley just looking at his essays. However, he's not perfect and sometimes it's hard to type in blood-soaked leather gloves so there's the occasional typo. It drives Bruce nuts, like really nuts. And every time he sends in a report with an accidental typo Bruce sends it back with the word highlighted in bright fucking yellow. It pisses him off to no end. So he complains about it to Dickie once after Bruce had just returned his 12 page report having highlighted 'Sucinylcholine' in yellow. Dick takes one look at it and asks, like an asshole, "Why don't you just turn on spellchecking?" Why don't you just meh meh meh, god he's such a wonder boy. And then that weasly, little snake snorts as he types away on the bat computer.

"Yeah," Drake giggles. "Why don't you?"

Jason can't help but grind his teeth, he knows exactly why. Drake is the reason he had to disable it in the first place, even if he can't prove it. It wasn't a coincidence that right after he and Tim had one of their blowout arguments, someone had changed the autocorrect on his phone so whenever he typed 'Bruce' or 'B' it changed to 'Dad' and if he typed 'Batman' it changed to 'Batdad' without his approval. And if that wasn't bad enough, they somehow managed to do the same thing on his laptop. And his burner phone. And his other burner phone. And you get the point. No matter how many times he tried to change his settings or buy new electronics the autocorrect issue remained. See, Jason isn't the most technologically advanced of his siblings but he could get by. Except when it came to smartphones, he was pretty useless when it came to the settings app on his phone. It wasn't his fault, when he died he still had a flip phone! So, try as he might he couldn't really fix it on his own and he was only slightly mortified to ask anyone else for help so he'd just turned off autocorrect and spellcheck in general.

"It doesn't matter," Jason muttered. "It's not my fault B is such a tightwad."

"I think you meant dad," the little shit giggles, taking off before Jason can reach the computer and strangle the asshole.

He fucking knew it!

(Cue Dick just staring after them confused but smiling bc his brothers are bonding)

[iconicname]

I'm all for jason as a parent, I think he'd be great at it. But can we stop with the "jason becoming a parent to someone who's basically his age or straight up an aldult" because it's weird

[coolcoolcoolbutwtf]

Part2 of incorrect quotes from this.

Trixter(Danny) walking: jingle jingle*

JJ (Tim): Why do you keep wearing that old costume still? It's so impractical I mean you have so many bells it's loud and distracting.

Trixter(Danny) who got Harley's old prototype costume and wasn't allowed to take the bells off in the beginning.Has now been wearing it to spit a regretting joker: *shrugs while smiling a pointy teethed cheshire cat smile.

Trixter(Danny) before Tim "joining": *jingle jingle*

Joker in the distance screaming: why didn't I just burn that retched thing when I had the chance!?

The costume in question below.

[ricgraysonmemorial]

tim should be one of the funniest character of all time when bruce starts acting like that loner, depressed, pushing people away man. like this isn't the teenage boy that pulled a grown ass man out of his depression after he lost his son. tim is supposedly the most like batman? fine so he knows what works. from personal experience. all tim has to do is smack that man on the head and scream at him to act right. (bonus about this is bruce can't say shit, bc they both just know; they both lock eyes and all timmy has to do is squint his eyes like a disappointed mother, daring him to try.)

keep in mind that tim will sit there pretending like azael didn't choke him out at all of 16, causing him to take a car and run out of the cave in fear; you think tim gives a fuck if bruce's fee fees start to get to him? no! it's called compartmentalizing bruce, schedule your attacks when you're free. thus, tim "bruce can you lock the fuck in" drake is taking no prisoners when something goes wrong and this man pushing 50 dressing like a rodent is having an unneeded anxiety attack from stress he caused on himself. meanwhile, there's a MAN BAT INFESTATION, LET US HELP!!!

[unboundbnha]

Okay I’m gonna post something controversial