#Though we're not sure where the lore bit came from | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kamenstranger · 1 month ago

Text

A review(?) of Dandadan

Starting these reviews off is always the hardest part, but it often comes to me after some time filling out the rest of the article. Dandadan has been stubborn in that regard, so much so I've been trying to figure out where to start with this series since it first came out.

I began reading DDD before tankōbon's were being printed, hell before it even made it to NA digitally (There were translations in Europe which got them early iirc.) Then batches starting coming out, and I still have those original single chapters from Sept. 5 '21

I became captivated, but, like its namesake, describing why I enjoy DDD is daunting in how esoteric it all is.

The general plot is straightforward on its own: Momo Ayase, the granddaughter of a spirit medium, though circumstance meets with an occult obsessed otaku, Ken Takakura, and, yes, he's named after exactly who you think, which drives the Takakura obsessed Momo nuts. She calls him Okarun, which I will also be doing for the rest of this.

Okarun's big obsession is UFOs and aliens, which he believes in, but not ghosts. You see where this is going. Hi-jinks ensue, both go to hot spots for each others interest and what do you know, Momo gets abducted by Aliens and Okarun is possessed by a geriatric genital biting speed demon.

Feel free to re-read that last part a few times.

Suffice to say, Dandadan gets fucking nuts almost as soon as the first chapter, but we're not even close to how off the rails this series gets.

I'll save you the details of how they deal with the Turbo Granny, but I will say the mythos and rules surrounding the various spirits, urban legends, cryptids and aliens is handled with a shocking amount of intricate care. If you're like me, you grew up surrounded by a plethora of Unsolved Mysteries, caught UFO Files as it was airing, maybe you even had some of those Forbidden World books laying around from the 80s before getting into stuff like Yokai. Even though I don't really engage with that sorta thing outside Weird NJ nowadays (It stops being fun when people in public office are into conspiracies-- particularly of the nazi variety like lizard men and flat earth)

The narrative and aesthetic appeal of them has stuck with me.

Anyone that's read my Kamen Rider reviews would know how much of a sucker I am for that quintessential cryptid look, which Dandadan has plenty of along with just being absurdly unhinged and hilarious.

The first two volumes do a fantastic job setting up the limitations and powers of spirits in particular, eventually resulting in part of Turbo Granny's soul being trapped in a Meneki Neko and leaving her speed abilities with Okarun. Unfortunately, Okarun only got 1/3 of his bits back.

So now have two super powered protagonists touched by the supernatural and the unearthly on the search for…missing nuts. Or I guess testicles that look like magic golden orbs of power. That's seriously how we're kicking this off.

And yes, there is a basis for that in mythology called Kintama. If you're familiar with Gintama you probably knew that.

But beyond that basic set up… where the fuck do I even go from there? The series is far more than OTT action and good monster lore, but it's also hard to delve into the how and why of its overall qualities. Sure The supernatural and sci-fi bits are fantastic, and the comedy is wonderful, but it's a by product of the real core of Dandadan: the interpersonal relationships of the characters. Surprise.

Which yeah, if it wasn't clear from the get go, DDD has a romantic angle between Okarun and Momo.

Under the monsters, dick jokes, and the completely unhinged nature of everyone and everything is an oddly captivating and flat out adorable love story between our two leads, one that slowly unfolds but is challenged by the various shake ups from monsters, invaders and cast additions that occur to hinder that development; or in some cases push it further by bringing the two closer.

Okarun in particular very well might be one of my favorite interpretations of the Otaku with a heart of gold. He's a legitimately sweet person, cares for people, he trains his ass off to earn mastery over his powers to make things easier on Momo and to keep up with the ever increasing threats they face. In a sea of otaku power fantasy characters, it's nice to be reminded that characters with limitations and weaknesses to be overcome or dealt with are still showing up.

He's also just a total sweetheart to Momo.

And it's pretty clear even early on that the feeling is mutual. Momo is easily flustered whenever a cute girl gets a little too chummy with Okarun, or strings him along. She even retaliates in some cases.

Momo is also about as dorky as Okarun (As seen above) just in different ways, which makes the two complement one another while also contrasting in how much of a hot head Momo can be.

For a series that gets as bonkers as DDD, Momo's grade A shit talking "too stubborn to admit her feelings" gruff Gyaru personality helps ground the series with a rather realistic portrayal of a girl her age-- albeit one with psychic abilities and goes through some extreme struggles much later in the series.

In fact one of the more overlooked aspects whenever I read about Dandadan is how surprisingly dark the chapters start to get in the 80s onward. Because despite the major kick off involving Okarun having his balls stolen, the series is capable of being very sardonic.

For all the absurd fun like giant enemy crabs or the Flatwoods monster as a Sumowrestler, and even a daikaiju way later, you also have things like human sacrifices and tragic ghost stories which are treated with a heavy tone that is never undermined by that off-kilter comedy. You even see tones of that with Turbo Granny of all things, involving the trapped spirits of butchered girls.

Don't misunderstand, however, the series is first and foremost a romcom with horror elements, but sometimes the horror shines through in surprising ways. That nuance is also seen in the rest of the cast, which I've yet to talk about much because one of the biggest challenges of this whole thing is figuring out how.

Talking about Dandadan beyond the very bare basics of the opening chapters is difficult without spoiling something, it's part why I was hesitant to review it back when I first started reading, despite how enamored I was. For one thing, focusing on any one aspect would be a gross oversimplification, doing a disservice to how each angle of the series is handled. Conversely, delving into Dandadan as whole would mean recapping the story arcs and events because Dandadan has some of the most tightly woven threads I have seen in some time. I can barely graze the surface of why character dynamics work or are unique before inevitably getting into a full blown synopsis and spoiling character arcs and entire narrative structures, which is… frustrating, to say the least.

For example, I can't really give you a good look at Aira Shiratori without getting deep into how she's a schoolmate of Momo and Okarun, gets into a rivalry with Momo because Aira thinks she's a demon while viewing herself as "The special one"; a delusion made stronger when she gains her own demonic powers which is basically Sedusa. But over time she forms a bizarre friendship with the two over their trial and tribulations, while also dealing with the massive weight of guilt over cruel rumors she spread about Momo. But that really doesn't even begin to tell you how much of an absolute fucking perfect little bitch she is, and yet what an enjoyable dork she becomes. To do so would be to just tell you everything that happens in her story, which, while not complicated, is tied heavily into the narrative.

It's a similar scenario with Jin "JiJi" Enjoji, Momo's first crush, which you can imagine the upset that causes; one that's pretty goddamn funny because the dude, while handsome, athletically fit and arguably the strongest of the entire cast, has the personality of a goddamn muppet. So Okarun's getting all strung up on a guy even more goofy than him.

In a nice subversion, his relationship with Okarun develops into something surprisingly positive pretty quickly, if not without complications due to a fairly dark story with his character, which pushes Okarun even further in his training after Jin gets his own possession. And it also makes it all the more hilarious that the chipper muppet baby has a secondary Shadow the Hedgehog cracked to 11 persona that's a legit threat.

Then there's Kinta "Kinny" Sakata who is basically if Okarun was even more socially inept and a dipshit Gunpla addict who tried really hard to be a Jojo. His strengths is a vast knowledge of sci-fi tech and a chuuni like ability to imagine entire fantastical constructs; quite handy when mind reading alien nano machines enter the picture. It also helps break up the monotony of everyone else having or developing some sorta supernatural power.

And then we have Vamola, a character I literally cannot say a single thing about without giving away massive plot points. I can't even show a photo because her design itself contains spoilers. Just know that her story is when shit really hits the fan and will be a gut wrenching read while also having the most Battle Manga goodness.

What I can at least tell you is that for as much as Momo and Okarun are the main protagonists, Jin and Aira get damn good focus and are fully formed characters in their own right, they're not just a monkey-wrench thrown into the fray. I mean, they are also that, but they add to those elements while being more than a foil to our main heroes developing relationship, making the story much more varied and expansive than a supernatural will/won't they. Vamola especially in that area.

If there's one takeaway from this it's that Yukinobu Tatsu is capable of creating a great, varied cast full of humor and impeccable chemistry. (not to mention a lot of cheescake that shouldn't work as often as it does.) I'm constantly surprised with how masterful all the different pieces come together to create a compelling dynamic in this deranged Sci-Fi, Supernatural comedy mishmash. Hopefully I can convey a little bit of that Dada-esque appeal despite my spoiler aversion.

What's a lot easier for me to get across without spoilers, however, is the drop-dead gorgeous artwork. Good god is this series beautiful to look at.

Tatsu has a backround in, uh, backgrounds, and it shows on just about every page. Any one side panel has more detail than most double-page fight spreads in other books, and when they do a splash page it is breathtaking.

The fact this is a Weekly series is goddamn insane and… honestly kinda makes me a lowkey worried about their work ethic. But a lot of panels feature just the character on simple stark backgrounds (And some pages feel a little heavy on the reference material, if you get my meaning.) But even so, it's hardly a sacrifice for the impressive amount of work that goes into each chapter and how just about every other page has at least one impressive environment to gawk at.

Not only is the detail impeccable, but the layout, timing and expressions are goddamn phenomenal and a big part of making the series legitimately funny. That same talent translates seamlessly to high energy fights and impactful creepy moments.

This truly is one of the most compelling reasons to read the manga. At the time of this writing we're 5 episodes in the Science Saru anime and I want to make clear I'm enjoying it and do highly suggest watching it. I think their high octane stylistic approach is, in many ways, perfect for the series. There's clearly a lot of love put into translating page to screen best they can. Realistically, I know there's no way you could completely capture Tatsu's style 1:1, especially with what the industry is nowadays. The budget and man power it would take for that wouldn't be worth it.

But that sense of scope, scale, the depth, shading and a ton of small eccentricities is something unique to the manga and a big part of why it works. If you only know the anime then I think you're missing out. Plus you've got 8 volumes to read up on.

But also still watch the anime, I'd love a season 2. Hopefully with a bigger budget. Frankly, they're gonna need it.

That said, while I have praised and gassed up Dandadan, I should mention it has a number of trappings that by all means should not fly with me. As previously stated, there's a lot of cheesecake, and I like cheesecake, but it can bog down stories like this and they're a dime a dozen in the manga and anime world. At first glance DDD can look like that from the outside. There are so many instances of things that are annoying in other works, schlocky things (derogatory) that are sell themselves only on the limp-dicked exploitive elements like Fan service. Make no mistake, Dandadan is schlocky (complimentary) but it's also incredibly endearing not only outside those aspects, but in them. At least for the most part. I have to imagine it's aware of the more stupid indulgent elements but wisely plays them straight while at the same time employing a cleverness many other series fail to have.

For example, the characters are comically stripped very frequently, even (and usually) during otherwise semi-serious moments like battles (although not if the stakes are dire.)

But the cheescake is always balanced out by the other qualities. Hell, the cheesecake is often imbued a certain charm that is funny in itself or oddly sweet, which certainly becomes more true in the later chapters. Think more Cutie Honey and less Highschool of the Dead in terms of how it's handled.

A big hand in that is they're not afraid to get silly with all the characters, especially the girls, so it typically feels more tee-hee fun. They're almost if not equally goofy in their own ways and that does a lot in keeping it from being obnoxious. And ya know, they also have real developed personalities and relationships outside just having their clothes blasted off, which also happens to Okarun if that wasn't clear. Actually it's worse because he usually loses everything, and the same is also true for Jin.

It's so audacious in every aspect that I simply can't fault it. I mean, I also wouldn't fault anyone not gelling with it, but I just sorta expect it and roll with it for a series this absurd. I'm a critic, not a goddamn puritan. I know exactly what it is, and it's doing it far better than most. It is, at worst, background noise.

That's not to say the series handles all of its exploitative elements well. Rather infamously the first chapter has an almost not quite sexual assault for Momo. It's… not as bad as it sounds-- in part because it doesn't happen and also the situation is so absurd. Honestly I think there's been a bit much blown out of proportion with it. Still, the over the top nature of an Alien with a metal syringe dick getting his comeuppance by having it bitten off by a granny speed-demon can only mitigate the general grossness of the implication so much and I still wince at it. It's the only part of Dandadan that dips into a level a cheapness it otherwise sidesteps in most other endeavors. Thankfully, it happens early on, but it also isn't a great first impression, especially if you didn't have more chapters or episodes to view at the time, leaving you to wonder just what the hell kinda story this is.

It's worth noting some of the other early chapters have bumps here and there, but nothing quite on the level of chapter 1, and those parts are ironed out overtime to be a lot more palatable. Compare how chapter 3 handles T&A to chapter 26 and you'll know what I mean.

Aside from that, however, there is at least one semi major stigma I have against Dadadan's otherwise enjoyable self indulgent nature, which is that a lot of the monster designs are painfully derivative. And I mean DERIVATIVE. Just about every alien creature in this series is an Ultra Kaiju.

Oh Shin Godzilla in the case of Nessie.

And, look, I get homaging stuff you like. Dr. Slump has loads of references, Patlabor has references to Ultraseven, depending on which version of Urusei Yatsura you're looking at it's loaded with them, Project A-KO has them, Eva is a love letter to Jissouji Ultra (along with flat out copying a few fights from various 70s mecha anime) and even something like Bocchi The Rock is at least a quarter references. References are not the problem. Well, maybe a little, but I'm not gonna get Orson Wells on you here.

Regardless, its hard not to think that maybe they could've dialed it back a little bit.

The Z'gok in Gundam is based on Alien Zarabe but it's doesn't look like a knock-off version of it. But the Dover Demon in Dandadan looks like "original the character" Kanegon that turns into Baltan. Because it is.

Like come on, man. Even the Space Pirates in Metroid aren't this blatant.

Why this sticks out to much is because the art is so damn impressive but the design aspect is lacking in certain areas. I'm willing to give leeway for some designs if they're based on folklore elements like Ghosts, Yokai, and crypids. You want to make them recognizable, but can still work in cute references or original ideas without being as glaring as "we have Ultra Seijin at home." For what it's worth, I guess Dada knockoffs with Pegassa eyes are better than generic greys. But while it's cute at first, I felt it got irksome by the time I saw Shin Godzilla… and then Hipporit as a subterranean shows up. Then a tail-less xenomorph. And Alien Guts, and a Metal Gear, and Elecking, even an Alien Zarabe.

A lot of those do end up as cannon fodder so I can understand not wanting to put a lot of work into stuff that ends up being one offs. I can't deny the art looks incredible and hype as fuck. But man, it gets distracting sometimes, especially when Gomora shows up at one point with the body of Red King and later on they end up making that a major deity in an alien culture. It's not played as a joke at all. It is one of the most dead serious chapters… But it's still just an Ultra Kaiju. Sometimes I'm reading Dandadan and I'm having a great time and I'm getting all the referential designs, and I don't *hate* this, but in the back of my head all I can think of is that line in Akibaranger.

And on some level I do get how that borderline level of infringement adds to the absurdity, how the near mono focus of a singular love for Tsuburaya is charming. Hell, it's even refreshing in some ways considering how that hasn't really been a thing in Japan since the 80s. But it does still get a bit much from the sheer volume.

I think on some level Tatsu knows this because in the more recent chapters the Serpo Aliens are primarily depicted in their disguised forms and the fake Gomora gets a slight redesign in later appearances that's a lot more generic. I sort of get the impression things that were maybe meant to be one off gags ended up becoming reoccurring elements, but given the tone and humor of the series that's really hard to tell, for better or worse.

Although kudos to Science Saru saying fuck it and making the opening to the anime one big Ultraman reference. They know what they're doing.

All that said... I don't really know where to lead off from here. Dandadan is still ongoing, currently at about 170 chapters in Japan, while the anime is still currently airing the first season. So I can't really give a full review of either. Likewise, for all I know the series could go completely off the rails at some point-- in a bad way, I mean.

As it stands I'm still finding enjoyment out of this series and now seems good a time as any to suggest everyone check it out. There's multiple manga out, it's easily available digitally, there's the anime across multiple platforms in NA, we've got figuarts coming out. It's good to see.

I was long over due for look since first reading those Glitter screen-grabs some years back.

Funny enough, this late August I visited my Girlfriend in Illinois and got to see 8 volumes of Dandadan on the shelf in a comic shop, that was a nice surreal experience for something that wasn't even available digitally in NA when I first started reading it.

What I didn't realize at the time was when I took a photo of them on the shelf, it was September 5, three years to the day I got the first few chapters. So yeah, it was time for this to happen.

Given the on going status of DDD, I'll certainly be revisiting the series for a future look at and proper review. Until then, I encourage you to read the manga and see if you see what I see. It might not be some super deep narrative, but it is most certainly unique and well worth your time.

As always, thanks for reading.

#review #dandadan #manga #cryptid

21 notes · View notes

thesnazzysharky · 3 months ago

Text

Waffling about/reviewing the notes in SJSM because I think they're cool. 2/2

Make sure to check out part 1 before this one. Or don't. I'm not your mom.

Anyways, time to review some more notes (with a smidge of some theorizing this time)! These will be the randomly generated ones. Less lore, but more character in these.

Romantic Victim

At first this place just seemed cute, but I've been here for days now… I'm feeling quite parched now, and I keep getting this feeling like I am being watched by something. This is not romantic at all…

Starting with the hopeless romantic, we have our first set of notes that the player will encounter, so obviously the Romantic Victim is the most memorable and iconic of the note writers, for good reason too.

The first note has them growing to become skeptical of the place and feeling like they're being watched by something (perhaps Spooky or Taker) which most likely will make the player connect to them right of the bat as they'll probably experience a similar feeling as they walk through the first few rooms where nothing is happening.

The note could've ended there and it would've been a typical but not too bad left over horror note from someone who came here before you, but then you read the "this is not romantic at all..." line. A line that will confuse the player and perhaps get a chuckle out of them because, well, what the hell is "romantic" about this mansion?

Whatever the case, the player will get to collect more of these notes and follow the little journey of this strange individual that repeatedly uses the word "romantic" for some reason. Apparently when the romantic came here, they didn't seem to bring anything to drink, as their notes mention how they're constantly thirsty, to the point of drinking some of the ink they're using to write their notes.

Ink… Not quite quenching my thirst. Taste is terrible, stains are terrible. I don't think drinking it was a very romantic idea.

Later they are able to find a bottle of red wine though! Although its a bit strange how it's described as having no label on it and tasting metall- oh wait, that's fucking blood isn't it?

I don't think that was wine…

You don't say...

At this point it becomes clear that the romantic is not going to make it, especially when they later mention not coming across any of the notes they made, making them unsure if any progress is being made. And so, they leave their last note, accepting their romantic fate.

I think this is my last note. I'm going to die having never found my escape, but really that's not true. This place was like my escape. My escape from everything else. In the end my death is kind of romantic.

You can later find their corpse sitting in an elevator after this note and honestly it's kinda sad. In a game like this where you're completely alone and almost defenseless, to lose some form of company that you became attached to, even if it's just in the form of notes that were written by someone who passed long before you, is tragic. Especially with how they went out...

Then you realize the goofy ass pose that they died in lmao.

I mean, hey, they did go out in a pretty romantic way. They're straight up stylin with this snazzy ass pose! Now that's a way to go out!

We're not done with them just yet however, as they actually make a comeback in Endless Mode!

Aha! Yet again I have cheated the grave and shall proceed to escape these confines. While the thought of my death being quite romantic did cross my mind I believe my escape shall be profusely more so.

They claim they have cheated death somehow and plan to escape. Later notes mention how they suddenly feel healthy and no longer feel thirst or hunger; along with coming across the specimens, although they are no longer aggressive towards them. The eleventh note makes it clear as to what is going on.

A strange ghost girl appeared before me today in a rather upset and unromantic manner. She claims I am not doing my job and that I should report to my commanding officer immediately. I boldly stated that I have no commander as I drift wherever the wind takes me as I follow my own romantic journey. To this she acted confused and slowly sunk into the floor.

And so our pal catches a very minor case of being dead and becoming a ghost. Except they don't even realize they're dead.

I am beginning to wonder why I haven't required sustenance in what I guess has been more than two weeks. I at first theorized that tiny food particles are emitted into the air. I now know what a foolish thought that was since it is clear that I have been granted immortality as a romantic artist.

The next note mentions their skin changing, again, hinting that they're a ghost now. It also mentions that they have a romantic partner outside of the mansion and they believes that despite being a transparent ghost now, their partner will still care for them no matter what once they reunite. Not much to say on that other than I think it's quite cute, albeit a bit sad, since they don't realize they're trapped in the mansion and won't be seeing their partner anytime soon.

I noticed something strange today. My skin color has changed. I know this is probably ordinary since I haven't seen the sun in quite some time but it just came as a shock to me. But I know my romantic partner is out there and they will care for me no matter how transparent my skin becomes.

In the last note they wrote, Spooky comes to greet them once again... taking away their pen privileges once she had enough of their bullshit lol.

The ghost girl has returned and is glaring at me while I write this. She again claims I have a job here and that I'm not fulfilling it correctly. I tell her whatever job she thinks I have doesn't sound very romantic. She seems angrier now and states that if I don't stop she will take my pen privile___

Overall, I really like the Romantic Victim as a character and what they add to the game. Their simple, but still very charming character trait as a romantic makes them very memorable compared to if they were just some ordinary dude who wrote like an ordinary person; and it's because of their charm is probably why the player will end up getting attached to them despite never being able to interact with them. That said, there's some cool little details and depth with them. Such as how their first few notes are written in a dramatic and I guess fancy sort of way. Using double spacing and ellipsis to sell the affect.

But by the time they write their last note, this act and style of writing is dropped. Which actually makes this note more sad since it really shows that the romantic doesn't have the will to go on anymore.

There's also the neat detail of why they constantly use the word "romantic". They don't mean romantic as in love, but romantic as in an artistic sense; think of the Romantic Era of history for example. The notes found in Endless Mode make it more clear when they mention romanticism and how they're a romantic artist. A pretty subtle but neat joke.

I would say the notes they leave are great for beginner players as they basically tell them exactly what the tone of this game will be.

A mix between serious and unsettling horror (the romantic feeling like they're being followed, drinking ink out of desperation, and unknowingly drinking a bottle of blood) and goofy satire and comedy (the romantic using the word "romantic" in a situation that doesn't fit it and their corpse just being a cartoonish skeleton in a sexy pose).

Not to mention that the notes they leave in Endless Mode are probably the funniest notes in the whole entire game for me, especially when Spooky shows up and is baffled by their... nature.

Conclusion? They're a little confused, but they got the spirit. I hope they got to reunite with their partner at some point in the afterlife. 5/5

Tropes Victim

This place is finally starting to affect me. I've seen enough horror movies to know how to survive a simple ghost or two, but these monsters keep getting faster and stranger.

Looks like someone has caught main character syndrome. This person seems to have came here more prepared and got further than the romantic victim as they mention the specimens getting faster and stranger as they continue forward.

What makes them interesting though is that homie really thinks that just because they watched some horror movies and know typical horror cliches and tropes; they will survive due to being the "main protagonist".

Well I still haven't died so it appears I might be the protagonist, but I'm not entirely sure. I hope I'm not some side character that leaves notes for pointless exposition. Also I found a strange computer that gave descriptions of the monsters. And it seems like they are called 'effective' based on how many people they kill.

Who's gonna tell them? Anyways, the tropes victim seems to be taking a jab at the mfs who think they would survive if they were in a horror media due to knowing the tropes or thinking they would have better common sense than the victims who end up being killed. I really like it! Feels fitting to have this character in a game like this.

Something else to be said about them that I find quite funny is their second note.

In order to survive this house I need to keep writing notes. I must do everything a central protagonist would and hope this is one of those stories. 'Insert Obscure horror reference that no one gets and misinterprets as instructions somehow'

The "Insert Obscure horror reference that no one gets and misinterprets as instructions somehow" line is chuckle worthy when you first read it, but it becomes even better when you learn about what it originally said in older versions of the game.

The "tall man character" in question being a reference to Slenderman. However, some players didn't pick up on this and thought it was a genuine hint towards an enemy that could potentially be summoned by picking up too many notes. So, that lead to those players not picking up any notes and thus missing out on a big portion of the game. I feel bad for Kira. That must have been frustrating lol.

Anyways, I find tropes to be entertaining and fun. I love the self aware humor with them and they have some of the funnier notes in the game. Although I appreciate that's not all there is to them, as they do drop some hints towards what's going on with the mansion. Such as how the specimens are called effective based on how many people they kill and that the souls of the victims could be related to how effective they are as well. They also, similar to the Romantic Victim, went out pretty boldly. Completely accepting their fate as they realize they can be killed off due to not having traditional traits of a protagonist; confirming that they are indeed a side character.

It's sad to see yet another past victim lose all hope of surviving, but he does note that it was at the very least a nice experience for awhile. 5/5

Survivalist Victim

DAY 2. Food supply depleted. Water supply at 30%. Mental health deteriorating, leaving notes behind to help others and mark where I've been.

This victim's notes are on the more serious and dramatic side as they write down about each day they have been at the mansion and the steady decrease in resources and overall mental stability.

While the notes of the Romantic and Tropes Victim's have them start off doing pretty decently as they go through the mansion before their last notes shows them giving up entirely, the notes from this poor soul show how they were fucked from the start. Only 2 days and they had already ran out of food, become low on water, and their mental health is deteriorating.

Their journey doesn't become any better once they start having hallucinations and violent heart palpitations. Not to mention sleep deprivation and running low on phone battery.

They also start to question why they came to the mansion in the first place and that the hallucinations can apparently hurt them now (perhaps something to do with Specimen 5 or 7).

DAY 5. I can't remember. Why did I come here? Was there ever a purpose? I believe death is steadily approaching me now. The hallucinations can hurt me, I'm out of provisions, and I'm having sudden violent heart palpitations.

Judging by how quick they were to lose their mind, something tells me that the survivalist might have had some psychological problems similar to our protagonist and perhaps they came to the mansion for a not very happy reason...

Whatever the case, just like the previous victims, they end up writing one last note about accepting their fate. And boy does this one go hard in particular.

DAY 7. I can't tell the real from unreal anymore. My limbs refuse to move the way I want them to. I feel like I'm wading in a deep river that is always flowing against my direction. Now I will lay down and let the river flow over me. I will let it guide me to it's end. I know where I'm going anyway. This place, this entire place, is just a gyrating screaming rock in the vastness of an infinite kingdom. I'm going to rest now. I'll be watching over you.

God damn you dramatic ass mf. Going to burn the whole sheet of paper with the fire you're spitting.

On a serious note though, I like how this final note has this sense of bittersweetness with the "I'm going to rest now. I'll be watching over you." line. It's oddly comforting in a way. A nice change from the previous final notes which were just grim. A shame that most won't encounter this note on their first playthrough. It's great.

I like how these notes play it fully straight and serious, showcasing the effect the mansion itself can have on some individuals and how terrible it would be to be stuck in a mansion that seemingly never ends. As you get further into the game and encounter specimens that seem scarier and harder than the other, the change in tone with these notes feels fitting.

At first I found the Survivalist Victim to be pretty boring and not as interesting as the other previous victims, but the more I think about it, the more I start to like them and what they add to the game. 5/5

Lisa's Notes

You think you're clever don't you?

I've been watching you for a while now.

Why even bother filling your lungs?

Your blood smells so thick. I can hear the vessels oozing.

Do you feel safe?

Reading these won't help you. Only death can help you.

These are all the notes from Unknown Specimen 5's encounter. Aka Lisa.

Unlike the other unknown specimens, Lisa has a decent amount of buildup to her before she chases you. The chills that went down my spine when I first read "I've been watching you for a while now" and later kept getting more notes from faded Specimen 1's was a very memorable experience. SJSM at its best! Unfortunately these notes don't have much to them aside from being creepy and the effect they have is pretty much lost on a repeated playthrough of Endless Mode. They still leave a very good first impression though. 3/5

Child Victim

Mommy and Daddy love me very much! They told me they were throwing me a party!

And here we have the most depressing notes in the whole entire game.

This child's parents were apparently throwing a party at the mansion for some odd reason (I'll get into that later), but when the child actually goes there, their parents are nowhere to be found.

As they eat some of the cookies they were given for their "party", they wander around the mansion, confused and hearing strange noises, wondering if all of this is a game of sorts.

Later they end up falling down a hole. Hurting their leg and crying from the pain, eventually falling to sleep from exhaustion. They leave one final and ominous as hell note that states the following.

I fell asleep. My leg still hurts. I see Daddy he came for me.. It's not Daddy.

Okay. Despite these notes being very brief, there's a handful of things to say about them. First off, the child states that their parents were throwing them a party and said party took place at the mansion. Isn't that... kinda strange and suspicious? Why would these parents throw a child's party at a mansion where anyone who goes in never comes out? Even if they didn't knew about the mansion's past history for some reason, it's still pretty damn weird to throw a party at an old and seemingly long abandoned mansion. Why couldn't they just throw a party at their house? Or a relative's house? Or a friend's house? Or a picnic? Or basically any other common options to throw a party at that doesn't involve old and decrepit building's?

Considering the fact that the parents don't even show up anywhere at the "party" and the child was just given a basket of cookies and presumably not much else might imply this was done on purpose. The child states that "Mommy and Daddy love me very much!", but we don't know if that's actually true. The child could be an unreliable narrator in this case. They are a young and naive kid after all. A young and naive kid that could have had abusive or neglectful parents, but due to their young age and underdeveloped brain, they never recognized this. So what's going on here? Here's my thoughts. These supposed "parents" told their child they were going to throw a "party" for them. This wasn't an actual party. This was something to get rid of their child permanently. We don't know what events could have lead up to this, but it seems likely that these "parents" grew tired of raising their child and wanted to find a way to dispose of them. Perhaps through hearing about how those who enter into the mansion never come out or just hoping their kid gets lost, they send them to the haunted mansion on the hill. Giving the kid some cookies so they could eat and live for awhile. Hoping that they either die from starvation and thirst, get adopted by someone else, or meet some other grim fate. Whichever option worked.

So the child goes there, wandering the mansion for awhile, falls down a hole, and encounters a specimen that they at first think is their dad, but unfortunately it isn't. As for what specimen killed them, the likely answer is either Specimen 2 or 9. They're both human in appearance and I highly doubt the kid made it that far. You could say it's also possible they fell all the way down to Specimen 6's locale, but it's unlikely they would survive a fall like that.

Assuming that most of this theory is true... than holy shit! It was already depressing before, but this is 100 times worse!

Overall, I love how dark and tragic these notes are. Especially because it shows just how twisted and apathetic Spooky is by letting children just as old or younger than her die horribly in this place. Not to mention some of the ambiguity with what's going on with the parents or what specimen killed the child is great too.

Simple on the surface, but a decent amount of depth. 5/5

Spelling Errors Victim

DAy 1 I have enterd a spoopy ghost mansion. I do not know how long I will be here but I hope not too long.

Let's lighten up the mood by talking about this person who seems to have failed English class.

Similar to Survivalist Victim, this victim writes about the amount of the days they have been at the mansion.

Their first few days has them being almost completely indifferent to the mansion and its scares. Stating that a "spook" they came across wasn't as scary as they seen in some horror games; and that not having wifi was the scariest thing about the mansion. All while having some pretty bad grammar and spelling still not as atrocious and Godzilla stroke inducing as some people's grammar that I've seen on the internet, perhaps suggesting they're on the younger side, but clearly older than the Child Victim.

As they continue forward and start to run low on the cheesy curds they're eating, they state they will most likely die soon, but at least they were "hardcore" for making it pretty far on their (kinda) frightful journey.

Their last note has them die to a specimen coming closer to them in a hallway. Most likely Specimen 9.

Day 7 While I am at the end of my ropes I shall press on anyway. I have eating the last of the cheese curds and haven't found any new food. There is something down the hallway I believe. It's getting closer. OH whyyy. why has this has to happen to me?

Judging by the use of words like "spoopy" or "hardcore" and being the most concerned about not having internet instead of the literal monsters that could kill them; this person seems to have spent a lot of time on the internet. They definitely look like an irl nerd emoji behind those notes 100% lol.

At first I thought this writer's main gimmick was being indifferent to the mansion, but the spelling errors are the cherry on top and you get some pretty damn funny notes as a result. They're solely comic relief and don't have the same depth to them as the Tropes or Romantic Victim's, but I still enjoy them. 4/5

Jasper Midnight

NOTE I Dear Reader, I am known as Jasper Midnight. I appear to be trapped within a house of horrors so to speak. While at first glance I thought this was nothing more than a carnival fun house with scary pop outs and irritating ambience it has lasted quite longer than I expected. I am going to write these notes as I journey on in order to inform any unfortunate souls that follow me. Sincerely, JM

For the first time we have a victim that gives us their actual name. Or at least a nickname they're known by.

His first note has him write about how he thought the mansion was supposed to be a fun house of sorts while roaming in it, but then he realized he was trapped here. Deciding to write notes to inform any future victims. A typical start so far.

Things get more interesting however when he mentions encountering Specimen 3 in his second note. The way he describes the encounter is oddly casual and calm. Describing it to be a "glorious yet somewhat unfulfilling encounter". Sure is a weird way to describe an encounter with a spiderpede, but maybe he's just built different.

We learn in the third note and beyond that bro isn't just only unfazed by the horrors around him. He fucking loves them and this twisted mansion.

NOTE III Dear Reader, This mansion just continues to get better. I found a room today that was delightfully themed around rusted and abandoned asylums. I say 'themed' simply because it was too perfect to be real. I even found strange creatures holding onto the grated floor writhing in some sinister dance. Sincerely, JM

Damn. Guess he is built different. Especially because later notes show he actually makes it pretty far in the mansion. Encountering and surviving Specimen 8.

The rest of the notes basically show how much he genuinely loves being in the mansion. Morbidly describing it as a "nightmare without the haze of sleep or a daydream you would have while drowning" and that this journey has been "life changing" for him. Overall it seems like he enjoys all aspects of life, both the horrific and the bliss, and that is why he loves the mansion.

NOTE VI Dear Reader, The world is an ashtray, constantly burning out. It is full of hardship, turmoil, happiness, and love. And all of it is beautiful. Sincerely, JM

Unfortunately the last note has him die through unknown means. He takes like a champ as expected though.

NOTE VII Dear Reader, My life is spent, my fire snuffed. My body shakes and ejects blood. I cannot go any further though I wish I could. Continue after me and witness the beauty of the world. Witness the terrible and terrific. Sincerely, JM

The idea of someone being enthralled by the mansion was an interesting one and Jasper is a very lovable character because of it. Dude is just having the time of his life and honestly after these notes? I feel like he would be a fun and chill dude to hang with, even if he's a bit odd.

Easily one of my favorite note writers. 5/5

Spooky's Notes

Research Report #153 Through the spider portal I have come across a plethora of new horror designs for Specimen 1 as well as some new ways of recruiting soldiers. In today's dive I discovered a cluster of webs centered around short horror experiences as well as some sort of Italian cooking. I will continue to research this particular web cluster.

To my surprise, these notes are written by the silly big bad herself! Spooky!

Some very interesting notes we have here as they don't follow the traditional formula that the previous notes had. Focusing on giving us a bit of insight into Spooky's thought process and how she went about running GL Labs and constructing her plan to build her army.

The first few notes have Spooky come across a design she could use for Specimen 1. A creature called Jeff (obvious reference to Jeff the Killer) that she found through the "spider portal". Later on she tries to gain attention from the "LP people" and their viewers so she can gain more recruits, with mixed results. The last two notes mention how another house apparently already has the title "Spooky's House of Jumpscares" and so they want Spooky to change the name of her mansion. She has the funds to fight against this, but instead decides that she would rather spend the funds on noodles and scary things... of course... Quickly summarized all of that, but that's because I want to talk about the more specific details. There's some cool stuff here!

Right off the bat I love how these notes show how unknowledgeable Spooky is of the internet. Calling it a spider portal and calling websites web clusters (get it? The world wide web). Describing one of the web clusters as being "centered around short horror experiences as well as some sort of Italian cooking" (referencing creepypastas). Describing how she believes there are multiple Jeff's and some are crossbreeding with other monsters (possibly referring to AU's and OC's or maybe even ships). And describing YouTubers, specifically the gaming ones, as "LP people. She also doesn't understand the concept of spam, thinking people were genuinely referring to her advertising campaign as the canned meat product.

It's an interesting and cute addition to her character and it makes sense considering she died in the 60's. I also love how her childish side is shown in these notes in general. Girl literally stabbed one of her workers to death because they gave some minor criticism and later wanted to spend her funds on some noodles actually maybe that one is pretty fair. That part being particular because it implies that Spooky had the chance to kill the protagonist at basically any point in the base game and DLC's. She just chooses not to, which is interesting. Although I guess it has something to do with the "dying tragically enough to become a ghost" thing. Maybe outright killing her victims doesn't cut it.

The cherry on top of all this being the name change of Spooky's House of Jumpscares to Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion due to a copyright claim from some shitty mobile company having a canonical explanation in-universe.

I guess the only criticism I have is that for someone who's supposed to be 12 years old, Spooky sure does have some good grammar, descriptive language, and knows her big girl words. Although I guess it's not that hard to believe that she had plenty of time to expand on her writing and vocabulary in the few decades she has been at the mansion. So I'll let it slide. Absolute gold all around. 5/5

Vlogger

So um, I am writing notes down. I think that is the correct thing to do in this situation. I was filming the mansion for my urban exploration video channel but I think I'm trapped and I ran out of battery on my cameras hours ago.

Decided to save the most interesting for last. Here we have yet another victim. This one being an urban explorer with an interest in vlogging.

Usual deal as always with the first note. He realizes he is trapped in the mansion; the camera that he was using to film a video having long run out of batteries.

Later he comes across some elevators, but just like in the game, he has no choice but to go down. All he can do is hope that they'll stop at some point. More time passes and he encounters some Specimen 1's and is starting to run out of food and water. Pressing forward, he comes across Deer Lord's area where he grabs a particular weapon to defend himself.

Well readers, I found a greenhouse or garden area. It was pretty neat but it didn't help me much. I did find a cool Sickle thing in a 'tree'. I normally don't steal from the places I explore but I have this really uneasy vibe from this place and I want something to defend myself.

A sickle... intriguing...

Later on, he encounters more specimen locales.

Hey everyone, I wish my cameras had battery left. I found some really cool areas of this building. Some looked like a school of sorts and another might have been some kind of in house restaurant. I found some frozen (meat) there, but I'm not sure if I should attempt to eat it or not.

As he continues exploring in intrigue at first, he decides that he has had enough of the place as he thinks he's in life threatening danger now (Compared to before? More on this later...).

Okay guys, I am done with this place. As interesting as it may be I think I'm actually in life threatening danger here. I can't imagine it going on much longer and I've gone way too far down to get back up now.

Then we have this note that reveals the twist.

Well readers, I think I'm near an exit. I found another mansion like area. I feel really tired so I'm going to take a break here.

We're not done yet of course, but it looks like this vlogger fella really is the current host of Specimen 12. Making him the only human note writer that we see still alive in the game.

Moving onto the notes we find in Specimen 12, the vlogger assumes that he had finally found a resting place.

What is this? Wow, what a mansion! Inside another mansion. Maybe I've made it all the way to the end of the house. Maybe this is like a resting place or another entrance perhaps? Whatever the case, I think this is a good spot to rest.

He later becomes skeptical as he finds out the bricks and wood are just painted on and nothing inside the mansion feels real. He also claims to hear movement and voices below him, assuming them to be from other survivors.

Things go south real fast however as the third note jarringly shows our vlogger friend being paranoid and trying to hide from "him". As it turns out, this was not a resting place at all.

I can hear him coming down the hallway! I need to hide, but I don't know where. I now know this is not an exit or a resting place. It is just another specimen room! I think he's outside the door now.

At this point the vlogger has become full on paranoid now. Constantly hearing whoever his killer is despite knowing they're not there. Making him assume that the killer isn't even real but instead his own fears stalking him. They stumble around a bit before coming to this conclusion.

I have a theory. I think it's this pseudo mansion. I think it's playing with my head. I still hear him… I must find that man and kill him with the sickle I found in the forest…

Considering he's the current host now, he really did kill him... unknowingly dooming himself in the process. Now he has become Specimen 12's current host. Controlled like a puppet and forced to roam the mansion and murder anyone who enters it.

Now obviously I fucking love all of this and think it's very well done. When you're playing the base game for the first time, the twist of the killer being the one writing the notes in the locale is pretty good. However, the twist of this vlogger being the one to become Specimen 12's current host is even better! From one plot twist to another.

Now, I do want to theorize about one last thing with this victim. Something that I find interesting and odd is that the notes seem to imply that the vlogger never actually encountered any of the major specimens. What do I mean by this? Let's run things back.

Hey guys, so there are these weird pop outs that appear to be cardboard. I guess this was or is a theme ride of some kind. I just keep going down but I don't have much choice. All in all it's not that bad.

This is the third note written by the vlogger and yet it's the first time a specimen of any kind is mention or alluded to. Specimen 1 in this case. He also mentions that his experience so far is not that bad. This is strange to me for a simple reason.

The previous note has him mention going in elevators (plural) that only go down and yet judging by this note, he's only just now encountering Specimen 1. The "All in all it's not that bad." line seems to imply that he has only encountered Specimen 1 and nothing else so far. I heavily doubt he would write that if he got chased by one or more of the specimens.

Things become more odd when we get to notes 5 and 6. Where he encounters Specimen 8, 4, and 11's locales. Yet again, none of the specimens are mentioned or even alluded to.

When he gets to Deer Lord's locale, he finds the sickle, but there's no mention of Deer Lord himself or any violent deer. There's also the specific wording he uses here.

"I normally don't steal from the places I explore but I have this uneasy vibe from this place and I want something to defend myself." So apparently the vlogger is only now getting an uneasy vibe from the place, odd, and they want something to defend himself because of it. Again, implications of not encountering any of the specimens. If he was getting chased previously, than I find it odd how he even hesitates grabbing a weapon to defend himself for even a split second. That and I feel like he would be more descriptive than just describing the mansion as "uneasy".

It's a similar deal with the other locales he encounters.

Once again, the locales are there and mentioned, but not the specimens. He also describes the areas as "cool" and talks about them very casually and calmly. He even wishes his camera still had battery so he could've filmed those areas. If he was being chased or encountered any of the specimens, I doubt that he would be concerned about that. Or at the very least it wouldn't be the first thing on his mind in place of wanting to leave and survive.

This is the note where the vlogger reaches his breaking point. Of course, he did mention clearly wanting to leave the mansion in previous notes, but here he seems 100% desperate to leave. Which is curious to me considering he seemed to be slowly warming up to the place in his previous note.

He mentions that as interesting as the mansion is, he thinks he's in life threatening danger. Keyword think. Not "I'm actually in life threatening danger here" but "I think I'm actually in life threatening danger here". Again, nothing explicit is being stated. In this case, I'm not sure if the vlogger is saying this because he's realizing he's close to dying of starvation and thirst or because he encountered something that gave him a reason to think "Oh fuck. I might actually die here."

Either way, it's interesting how throughout all these notes he hasn't mentioned any of the specimens aside from Specimen 1 and overall seems very calm and casual until this note here.

And it's not like he's just built different like the Spelling Errors Victim who was almost completely indifferent to the horrors of the mansion or Jasper who was having the time of his life. When he gets to Specimen 12 and encounters a threat that can kill him, he shows genuine fear in his writing and is clearly becoming paranoid and delusional from being in the fake mansion. He does have a certain brave side to him in some of his notes, he is a urban explorer after all, but we have no reason to believe he's completely fearless and has massive balls of steel.

I'm not 100% sure what Kira was trying to imply with all of this, but I have two explanation that makes the most sense to me. The first explanation is that some of the specimens simply weren't there yet. Assuming that there was a decent gap of time between each of the specimens being found, retrieved, and placed into the mansion, the vlogger may have been at a more or less early point of the mansion's history of gathering specimens. Meaning the mansion didn't have all 13 of the specimens.

What made me consider this theory is that all the locales that the vlogger mentions belong to the Hellgate specimens (those being 4, 8, and 11). So my thought process is that while he's coming across the locales, those specimens haven't been summoned from the Hellgate yet. The locales being there at all does suggest that GL Labs was in the process of trying to retrieve them. As the game more or less implies that the areas that some of the specimens hang around in are supposed to be a recreation of sorts to fit the specimen. For example, the mansion doesn't actually have a real school in it, but rather a recreation of one that Ringu can chill in, since a school was the environment Ringu previously roamed in.

So under this theory, the vlogger has been in the mansion for a long while. Makes sense given the current age we see him in during the base game, assuming that he was more younger while he was vlogging.

The second explanation is that he's an unreliable narrator. To give credit to this post, it's possible that the vlogger is masking his fears by writing down notes about his experience in the mansion, but not about any of the specimens or other paranormal things going on. What better way to make yourself feel better in a nightmare scenario than by writing about that nightmare scenario as if it's just a minor inconvenience?

To add to this idea, maybe he's doing this not only because he wants to hide his fears, but also because he thinks that if he'll make it out and show others the notes he has written about all the crazy shit going on in the mansion, nobody will believe him and think he's a lunatic. By writing about an unnerving but still somewhat believable experience of being stuck in a huge mansion, people would give more credit to him instead of looking down upon him. That way he can cope better overall if he were to make it out.

This could explain why the notes in Specimen 12's area are written a bit differently. He doesn't address his viewers in those notes and it seems like they're written solely for himself. Giving us a clear picture that shows us that he is truly scared of this place and the situation he's in now that he's no longer trying to hide it by acting like there's nothing going on in the mansion.

Both theories area likely possibility to me and I really like the second one because it makes Vlogger's character more complex and interesting. Especially if you take into account that the vlogger/old man is supposed to be a parallel to the protagonist. With both of them seemingly having trouble with the social "mask" or persona they present to the outside world that isn't truly who they are.

Either way, the vlogger is definitely one of the more developed note writers and I love him for that. Some great twists with some nice room for speculation. Gonna give him a six out of five. Just very interesting to me. 6/5

Conclusion

I really love the notes in this game and think they're the most underappreciated aspect of the game. It's really cool and impressive to me how Kira was able to make these notes offer some genuine horror or comedy to the game while also making each writer a bit different from one another just based on how they write. The overall lore or room for speculation they provide is also well done too. Telling you just the right amount that you need to know. Maybe not everything, but at least most of the info that is necessary. Leaving you to speculate and fill in some gaps on your own.

When I first started this, I was worried that I wouldn't have much to say about these notes, but in the end there's actually a lot more to say than I thought!

A bit tiring but still fun project this was. Thank you for reading and have a snazzy day.

#Procrastinated on this one a bit #but it's finally finished!#definitely going to need a break from writing another one of these big posts lol #Sharky Theorizing #discussion #theorizing #shojs #sjsm #spookys house of jumpscares #spooky's house of jumpscares #spookys jumpscare mansion #spooky's jumpscare mansion

17 notes · View notes

archeronfilm · 4 months ago

Text

The Fifth Element (1997)

"I don't care, he should have been a butch lesbian."

In case you don't want spoilers, or to hear my long verbose in-detail thoughts on this movie, here's the short and sweet version:

The Fifth Element is raunchy, corny, and campy in all the right ways, and some of the wrong ones. It's far from a perfect movie, but I really enjoyed watching and rewatching it, and I would recommend it! I guess um, 4/5 stars, maybe.

Okay, now let's get serious. I saw the first 15 minutes of this movie while visiting my mother, found it so intriguing that I watched it with a friend, and then watched it again to write this review. Let's get into the meat of it. Spoilers for a 30 year old movie ahead.

Word Count: 6,082

Okay, The Fifth Element (1997), dir. Luc Besson, is a sci-fi comedy starring such greats as Bruce Willis and Gary Oldman, who I've been in love with since I watched Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead (1990).

We open in Egypt in 1914, in a scene I can only describe as "Mummy-esque." Seriously, this scene came on in my mother's living room and I thought we were watching a yet unseen installation of The Mummy or Indiana Jones. It contains, among other things, an incredibly hammy and not-at-all-subtle dump of exposition. They go out of their way to gravitate back to this wall of runes several times, to make sure you know as much background lore as possible. A later scene renders this odd choice kind of unnecessary, but I'll concede its existence for one key reason-- the Mondoshawan.

The Mondoshawan are the good-guy aliens in this movie, though they're only featured on screen two times, one of them being this scene. Their space ship looms awesomely over this strange Egyptian exposition-temple, and they are a star example of one of the best parts of this movie.

All the effects, or at least as many of them as possible, are practical. Of course, it's a movie made in the 90's, so they would be. But the beautifully clunky and real toddling of these men in alien costumes was a dead-ringer for New Who, and it was incredibly endearing to me. I am a major believer in the power and merit of practical effects and the tragedy of computer generation. And this movie is *swimming* in practical effects. It's a delight.

I will say there's this bit where the leader Mondoshawan is toddling towards this very slowly closing stone door and he doesn't make it through because his very slow waddling is somehow slower than the door is, and I think it was supposed to be semi-serious but I laughed at it. It was just a little ridiculous.

The back half of this first scene feels kind of oddly paced, like it's rushed, which is odd to me considering the scene didn't hold back on dumping as much stuff on me as possible just a few minutes ago. Very strange scene, seems to only have one purpose, which I'll get back to later.

So, flash forward 30 years to something dramatically different in aesthetic and vibe, of course. We're in space. We're gritty, we're militaristic, of course. There's an evil fucking orb of fire flying towards the Earth at top speed. Things aren't looking great.

The president, a man with eyes of a frightening shade, is black! This is not plot relevant, but I find the tendency of movies from this period to feature black presidents far before Obama's term to be really interesting. Is this social commentary? A thoughtful statement about how fantastical the idea of a black man in office is to the average American? I will never know. I really like this character, he's a fun guy. He has more personality than most president characters do, probably due to him being on an awesome spaceship with a team of nodding yes-men in a delightfully Star Trek-esque uniform. I like him a lot. He's my boy.

This is the same scene where we get introduced to Vito Cornelius, a priest who appears to be Catholic because he does the sign of the cross later in the movie, even though I definitely assumed he was some weird member of the church of the Fifth Element or something.

Cornelius is here to suggest that the ball of fire is sentient and evil, and that the president shouldn't shoot it with missiles, because it's so sentient and evil that it'll get even sentienter and eviler. Of course, the president disregards this warning, because that's what movie presidents do to random old men in robes.

From this blunder comes one of the many incredibly hard lines in this movie. Where Mr. President tells Staedert, his military commander, "I have a doubt." and Staedert replies "I don't, Mister President" and then presses the fire button on the huge gigantic missiles. It's awesome, only slightly undercut by the fact that it doesn't work and Staedert and his crew get fucking obliterated right after. By the evil sentient ball which shoots out a flare of flames that has an evil spooky skull in it. That's not a joke at all, that seriously happens in this scene. I laughed.

Now we smash cut to Bruce Willis. He's Korben Dallas, this sort of gritty ex-military guy with a very cute cat. I love this cat. She is an adorable, slightly cross eyed white longhair. It's honestly a tragedy and a waste that she was only in like two scenes. She should have been ever-present, fitted with Air Bud esque mouth animation so she could act as Bruce Willis' voice of reason throughout the film.

Korben Dallas is trying to quit smoking. He's a cab driver who's dogshit at driving his cab and is mere seconds away from losing his license. He is, and I quote, "Still stuck on that two-timing slut." He wants a perfect woman. There are about two Chekov's guns in that last block of text.

He opens his first scene with us in what I can only describe as the sluttiest most hot and sweaty chest binder I've ever seen. And a pair of tight belted leather boots that it really seems like he fell asleep wearing.

And then he gets mugged by a guy, presumably so they can show us how much he knows about guns, and that he has been mugged enough that he now has a secret shelf that is just completely full of guns. Hilarious. I love this bit. It's not even relevant, I just loved it.

Okay so the evil sentient ball of fire. We didn't forget about that. This scene is one that confused me really badly during my rewatch. Here, Cornelius explains in full detail and in much less vague terms than before what the Fifth Element does and why they need it to save Earth from this evil ball of fire. This scene renders most of the in-narrative purpose of the first scene moot. The only reason it now exists (other than some background stuff that could probably have been introduced in a less odd way) is to address a more meta issue, which I'll get to later. But while I was watching it, I couldn't help but think "Well... then what the hell were we doing in the desert with Luke Perry?"

In this scene, we get to see the Mondoshawans again for the final time, so we can introduce the bad guy aliens, the Mangalores. They jack the stones (the elements) from the Mondoshawan ship and blow them up.

I thought this scene was supposed to set up the stereotypical "military incompetent" idea that's often present in this type of sci fi, but the president honestly makes mostly good decisions that don't make him feel like a bumbling idiot once through the entire movie. Honestly, he's kind of cool. I like him.

Okay, now that the Mangalores have been tragically exploded, we get the vehicle towards one of our main characters. Using a saved body part from the Mangalores and some utterly and delighfully made up genetic scienceology, we recreated the perfect genes of some alien into... a skinny white girl with the orangest hair I've ever seen. This scene features one of the only costuming choices in the movie that I truly hate. Leeloo's weird strap undies (and subsequent inability to wear normal pants, but mostly these strap undies?). I just hate it. Why is it here. It's not even that sexy looking. She looks like a ham in an asylum.

The set design in this movie is also delightfully Whovian and Star-Trek-ish. Tinfoil walls, lava lamp type sensibilities. The costumes are camp the set is camp, everything is camp. It's an absolute whale. The costumes the policemen wear while chasing runaway Leeloo are just hilarious. Many fantastic choices made all around, except for those fucking weird underpants.

Some of the sci-fi concepts in this movie FEEL overplayed and hammed up, and then I remember that it was released when a lot of this stuff was new and in-vogue, and it becomes an interesting exercise in perspective. Maybe they were pioneers, what do I know? I'm having an absolute ball.

Okay, so Leeloo falls directly through the roof of Korben Dallas' cab, and before you say anything, I do have many choice words throughout this recap/review about the infamous trope borne of this movie, "Born Sexy Yesterday," and I am aware of its existence. These opinions are sprinkled throughout alongside my others.

So Bruce Willis seems to be a big fan of this strange woman who, especially in this scene, acts very childlike. Korben's interest doesn't really read as creepy in this scene, until later when he randomly assaults her. You know, like a creep would do. I digress.

Leeloo knows how to read Roman lettering, and while I understand this choice in this scene, I do think it doesn't make sense and kills a little bit of world building. Whatever. Language guy complaining about language stuff.

Speaking of world building, there are a lot of worldbuilding things conveyed visually and through dialog in this movie that arent ham-fisted exposition vomit, and I am very fond of them. The hitch inside the rear door of Dallas' cab, saying Leeloo "doesn't have a file," the Fog? That is never explained? This world has some suggestion of richness and intrigue that I love to see from sci-fi. They waste no time painting "THIS IS THE POINT" with big red letters, because it's just setdressing, and I think that ultimately makes these details really sing.

I love the dialog and energy in the high speed chase scene, the vertical train, the Fog??? The way this movie doesn't need to explain itself. Until it does explain itself. Blatantly. And then I get sad.

In a lot of ways, I think this movie's actual plot is the least interesting part of it. More on this later.

It also *really* seems like this movie was sponsored by McDonald's.

A nearly unconscious Leeloo begs Korben Dallas to take her to Cornelius, before passing out with such cartoonish vigor that I originally thought she was kidding.

So Korben takes Leeloo to Cornelius' apartment, getting originally turned away for being mistaken for newlyweds (barf). Instead of knocking again, he just kicks down the door. Cornelius realizes due to a tattoo on her inner wrist that she's the Fifth Element (!) and passes out. Korben places her on the couch.

Now, I don't really understand why Korben Dallas chooses to sexually assault Leeloo by kissing her while she's unconscious in this scene. It not only feels gross, it also feels kind of unprecedented. They've met once, had approximately the amount of chemistry you'd expect, and then she passed out. Maybe in the 90's this felt spontaneous and romantic, but to me it just feels like he did it for no reason. I wish she had actually shot him. Thankfully, her outburst of rage at this momentarily makes her feel a little less like a literal grade-schooler, a much needed respite.

Milla Jovovich does what I think is a pretty good job at keeping her pronunciation of the divine language consistent throughout the scenes where she speaks it. She's Ukranian-American, but I have no idea if she's bilingual or had an accent coach or something. Either way, well done Ms. Jovovich!

Anyway, Cornelius walks in having suddenly changed into these silly ass robes, a great sight gag, and kicks Korben out of the room, but not before he reveals that the words that Leeloo yelled at Korben meant "never without my permission," which really made me wish she had shot him *twice*.

The scene where Korben talks to his friend, Finger, about Leeloo was clearly supposed to be romantic, I'm sure. It actually makes him look like a freak. I hated him for much of this movie.

Now, Back to the Mangalores. The Mangalores are a warrior race who have been hired by the big evil of this movie-- Gary Oldman. For some reason, they decided to make him southern. Not that I'm really complaining, but characters in this movie seem to have accents for no reason, and I really love it.

I love Gary Oldman in this movie. His character, Zorg, is fitted with one of the most ridiculous wardrobes of the entire cast. He has this odd plastic cap on his head, a flaccid mohawk, and the filthiest facial hair possible (a soul patch). He is fucking awesome. I love Zorg.

Spliced between parts of this arms deal, we learn that the stones aren't in the case. Leeloo tells Cornelius that in case they were stolen, the stones were given to someone trusted by the Mondoshawans, but not before changing clothes in front of him and his apprentice. I swear, she does this like three times in this movie.

The cut back to Leeloo in this scene right after Zorg realizes the box is empty is really well done. Effective, funny, punchy. She laughs like a freak, it's great.

There's a bit of dialog Zorg has with his right hand man right after this failed arms deal where he talks about his philosophy around warriors and why he prefers killers. I love this bit. The way he just coldly leaves them with a bomb built into his holy-overkill-gun is hard as shit, and it gives us a nice insight into our villain in the first scene he's in. I like it. I like Zorg.

Speaking of Zorg, we get a proper introduction to him just after. Here is one of the most interesting scenes in this film, where we get some insight about Zorg and Cornelius' respective opinions on life and death.

The interesting thing about this scene is that I kind of agree with Zorg, his saying that death exists to create life for the living, ostensibly feeding the cycle of life and progress. Regardless, he is painted as stupid when Cornelius has to rescue him from choking on a cherry.

And why the hell would you ever put a whole cherry in a glass of water? You're basically asking to choke to death. And Cornelius has a point, why don't you, a guy who has a special button to unearth his bizarre elephantine freak creature from the secret drawer in your desk, have a special robot to smack you on the back when you're choking? *Especially* when you do dumb shit like putting whole pit-in cherries in your glasses of water? Answer me that, Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg.

Actually, I don't know how this bit is supposed to disprove Zorg's point. All it really proves is that people need each other sometimes, which has nothing to do with what Zorg was actually saying to Cornelius here. Now, we could argue that it goes against the way that he executes this philosophy, which is true, being that he is a weird freaky villain who has henchmen, but I don't want to argue that. Because the fact that they have this strange sum-zero philosophical argument where they're ostensibly not even talking to each other is way funnier.

Right after this there's a bit where he sends his right hand man to literally bug the space-oval office. As in, it's a cockroach with a little camera and microphone on it. This bit is super funny. No thematic relevance, I just loved watching the president fucking cream the roach with his shoe while Zorg's henchman writhed in pain from the mic feedback.

The next important scene, by which I mean the next scene, starts with a healthy serving of "Sci-Fi setting that is weird about Asian people." Get behind me, Mr. Kim, this movie doesn't respect you enough.

Anyway, Korben's hilariously young adult-sounding mother calls him on the phone to bitch at him insanely about how he never calls and gives us a key piece of information-- Korben has won an all expenses paid trip to Fhloston Paradise! This coincidentally is where Leeloo told Cornelius the person with the stones was. This contest was actually alluded to on Korben's television in his first scene as well. This movie is very, *very* good at setup-payoff. Lots of domino situations.

Korben professional-improvs his way out of a police confrontation (organized by Zorg) just to get walloped over the head by Cornelius, who intends to steal his tickets so he and Leeloo can save planet Earth. In the process, he also puts his former superior officer in a freezer. Everyone wants Korben's sweet sweet bod in this scene. It's really something.

There's a couple of details about Korben's character and his relationship with Leeloo in this scene that jumped out at me, and I will be addressing them alongside the others of their ilk later in this review.

Cornelius hatches a plan to make his apprentice David impersonate Korben so they can get to Fhloston. It doesn't work, of course, because this movie chose to represent being knocked out the most realistically I've ever seen in a blockbuster flick. Korben is only down for the count for a second or two, which means he caught up with them and pulled some more startlingly effective improvisation out of his ass to get on this flight with Leeloo. It's really remarkable how good this ex military guy is at improv. Get his ass behind a mic. Get Korben on Whose Zorg is it Anyway, and pay me royalties.

I have a note here that just says "Everyone in this movie wears what I can only describe as rave wear. It's pretty hilarious." I have nothing to add. That's accurate.

So they're boarding this flight, right? And here's a real doozy. 1 out of 2 of my impassioned rants on one specific character in this movie who we meet in this scene. Ruby Rhod. Ruby ffffucking Rhod.

I actually *need* to talk about this guy. He is like the Prince of outer space. His scenes where he does his talk show are mesmerizing, zany, all over the place. I felt like I was having a nightmare. He's fascinating, fabulous, flamboyant, some other f word that I'm choosing not to say right now. His use of "green" to mean "good" is just perfect. Korben's completely dodgy and stiff responses are honestly the perfect contrast to Ruby in this scene. They're foils. This scene has captivated me. Ruby prowls around while tiger growling noises play in the background and flirts with this random stewardess ON AIR, inches from her face with the mic separating their mouths, promising to have sex with her later. ON AIR. It's implied that this is a normal thing that is acceptable on his show.

Ruby also has a whole gang of yes men, all of which are only slightly less flamboyantly homosexual than he is, but still feel more explicitly homosexual than Ruby, who has sex with as many women as he can possibly manage, which seems to be many, because every woman who mentions his name in this movie appears to cream their pants if he so much as breathes near them. That girl he flirted with? She moaned and collapsed on the floor right after.

The scene after the show, where Korben Dallas pins Ruby to the wall and threatens him, would have been beautifully compelling if Korben Dallas was a butch lesbian. This is the furthest thing from thoughtful character analysis, I just would have liked it more.

It's implied in the following scene that Ruby has only ever really wanted to fuck aliens before meeting this random stewardess, and we get to watch a very cleverly compiled set of scenes from wildly different locales that all fit together. Ruby having sex with this stewardess, the ship taking off, and Zorg blowing up his right hand man for failing him. They also use the Wilhelm scream in this scene, but given that the movie was made in the late 90's this is par for the course, and is really much more tasteful than usual.

For some reason, rasta(?) music is playing. There is a vaguely rastafarian man in this scene, but only for around 12 seconds. The use of regionally and culturally specific music in this movie that has no bearing on the actual space the characters inhabit is absolutely fascinating to me. There was some music earlier, playing in sci-fi New York, that I swear used a Raga scale. All the music is very good, good job Éric Serra.

After Zorg finishes exploding his frankly very competent right hand man, we get a scene where we discover that he's after the stones because some man he's working for, Mr. Shadow, wants them. Zorg is the main antagonist for most of this movie. Mr. Shadow never comes back again, and we do not need him. All he really serves to do is to make Zorg look more pathetic and give him an excuse to be more desperate when he can't get his hands on the stones, which, while fine, I think the movie could have gotten away with just having Zorg being a dramatic villain who freaks out when he doesn't get his way without this bit. Not egregious, but not really a necessary scene.

Okay, I have a big question. Why is Fhloston paradise Hawaii? It just *is* Hawaii. Did Hawaii escape to a separate planet at some point? Good for them, except that Fhloston is still a crazy tourist spot full of annoying white people, so not really. This is just Super Mega Hell 2 for Hawaiians. The song they sing in the first Fhloston scene is really good, though. Thanks, Éric.

On the topic of Fhloston, I really love the use of color in the set. Given the way the rest of this movie is, it's possible that it's more for visual contrast and not theming, but there is a scene during the opera performance that switches between complements, and the visual contrast is, well, good.

Speaking of the opera, Korben has front row seats, and its 5pm. You know what that means.

It's fucking Ruby Rhod time, baby! Ruby is back in black, in the most fantastic costume in this entire movie. Despite it showing off his entire clavicle (no exaggeration), it manages to get more and more revealing as this scene plays out. This bit where he asks Korben if he's happy with being on Fhloston in his usual over the top, loud, flamboyant way and Korben looks into his eyes, leans into the mic, and says "Thrilled" drolly is a short interaction so packed with sexual tension that I can't even argue for it without just telling you to watch the scene. This is their only interaction that really FEELS like gay sex, and it made my jaw go slack for a couple of seconds, even as the movie immediately moved on to the much more important opera segment.

Speaking of the opera, for real this time, I have one complaint. It's an annoying complaint that nobody ever wants to hear, but I'm saying it anyway because that's what I'm here to do: Diva is *not* singing. Now, maybe in some later movie review we can learn my detailed opinions on live recordings of singing performances in film (short version: I don't think they should happen, and I hate them) my main complaint is mostly that Diva's actress is just not very good at *pretending* to sing, much less opera. She doesn't pretend to breathe, doesn't try to move her mouth with the incredibly strong vibrato (understandable to some extent) but most of all, her mouth shapes just aren't right. I can concretely point to certain mouth shapes and say "that's not the shape her mouth should be when singing that vowel," it's obvious enough that I can do that. Granted, I have some experience in singing on stage, so maybe that's just my personal annoying musician experience speaking, but it was really noticeable to me. Okay, annoying complaint over, now I can say nice things

This opera, Lucia di Lammermoor with a poppy remix track towards the end, is ridiculously well performed. Diva's vocalist, Inva Mula, does a stunning job at both the formal and informal portions of this song. It's actually amazing how little of her voice had to be computer edited to sound more "alien," it's only done like twice in the portion that it's done at all, and the rest is pretty clearly just her. She really knocks it out of the park here.

The movie does something interesting here that I really enjoyed, where they periodically show us different characters reactions to this opera. Mostly Korben and Leeloo. I want to focus on Korben, who looks at Diva like this is the first time he's ever been moved in his life. Seriously, his eyes are wet and shining with unshed tears and I really mean that. Right when we get this poignant reaction out of Korben, the pop track starts playing and the somber moment abruptly ends, which is kind of what it's like watching this movie, or clicking on a Read More and discovering a film review that is easily over 5k words.

This movie has a great penchant for match cuts. Actually, most of the transition and shot choices made in this movie are really top of the line. They're all punchy, sharp, playful, to the point. Fantastic cinematographic choices, guys.

Diva finishes her performance right after Leeloo finishes fighting Zorg by getting shot at while up in an air duct. The opera is then laid siege by the Mangalores, who brutally murder Diva. This is sad for me, because I wanted her and Leeloo to be friends, and for Korben Dallas, who just felt the strongest emotion he's ever experienced thanks to her.

Ruby, of course, continues reporting on his talk show throughout the assault, because he's a goddamn professional. He also spends the next scene and a half shrieking in fear.

The reveal that the stones are literally inside Diva's body not only makes me watch one of the more disgusting scenes in this movie, it also makes me wonder-- Was Leeloo just supposed to kill her? Also, how did they get in there? Many questions and no answers, because we aren't here to fuck around.

While Diva is giving Korben this weird spiel about how Leeloo needs him and his love to survive, there's this brief cut to Leeloo, bleeding in the air vent. This cut is an absolute pang to the gut. She sits, curled up, alone, sobbing painfully with a bullet wound in her leg. She looks small, helpless, childlike in this brief scene. It was so impactful to me that it just made me angry about the way Korben and Leeloo's relationship in this movie is executed. This is another "get back to it later" thing.

For the rest of this "getting shot up by Mangalores" scene, Ruby Rhod is cowering and sniffling and screaming for Korben to help him. It's honestly like this for the rest of the movie. They're just friends now. It's awesome. I love this guy. He accidentally shoots a guy in the head and then asks Korben "You think he'll be okay?" He's the best character in this movie.

We get one of Korben's final fantastic moments of improv in this scene. It's around this point, during the "negotiation" scene, that I realized that the problem with this movie is that the best parts of it are the parts that aren't about the two characters who I'm supposed to care about the relationship between.

This scene, where Korben gets in a fighter jet, says it's just like driving a cab (a contrast from his conversation with Finger in his first scene, where he says driving a cab is easy because he isn't driving a jet) and then blows a fucking hole in the airlock and guns it out of the Fhloston ship, is so fucking cool. I'm a very simple man. It was awesome. One question, does Korben have some kind of allergy to reminding people to put seatbelts on? This is the second time he's just allowed his passengers to fly around the cabin while he drives recklessly.

Ruby's show ends at 7pm, when he tiredly proclaims that it's the best show he's ever done. I was thinking the same thing. In fact, Mr. Rhod, I really think you should hire Korben. There, now he has a new job.

Right here is where I'm going to address one of my main points (gripes) about this movie. Yes, I know, over 5k words in.

This part of the scene, where Leeloo has her weird crisis of faith about the evil of the human race, learns about war and concludes that humans aren't worth saving, falls flat to me. Sure, it feels over-played, but ultimately the problem is just that it's not done well, much like the rest of her characterization. Leeloo's depiction as being naive and childlike, which honestly only holds because she doesn't really speak fluent English, holds back her character because of the movies comphet insistence that her and Korben be romantically involved. A narrative where Leeloo, naive and unfamiliar, Leeloo, who needs other people, who sobs painfully alone in an airvent, who needs to be dried off with a towel after getting soaked with water, is actually a child, would be more compelling. And her not being able to reconcile with the evils of humanity would also have felt more convincing if she was literally a child. Like, of *course* she can't see the situation with any nuance, she's a kid. A narrative where Leeloo and Korben's dynamic is more familial would be more interesting, and honestly the way she's characterized already lends itself so perfectly to this narrative that there were points where I got actually upset that the movie refused to go that direction.

I'll go ahead and talk about Korben's character here as well. Korben is a refreshing detraction from the classic grizzled tough guy trope that we tend to see in action movies. Whether this is a result of 90's zeitgeist or just the writer's own preferences, I don't know, but I noticed it. I was expecting Korben Dallas to be a sort of obnoxious, emotionally stunted brick wall of a guy-- but he isn't, really. Korben is quick on his feet, improvisational, messy, and sure he's genius with a gun, but he's also *nice*. He's nice in a distinctly not "Grizzled emotionally stunted guy" way. When he accidentally gets Leeloo soaking wet, he gets her a towel at warp speed, apologizes up and down in a much softer tone than he ever uses for anything else. I thought at first "of course, because he likes her," but then-- Then! When he discovers that he's accidentally plastic-wrapped Cornelius, he rips the plastic and apologizes-- in the same sort of tone. He adapts his approach to the Mangalore barrage in the cruise ship to Ruby Rhod, never complains about Ruby being a nuisance or being in his way, just brings him along and asks him to help out. I honestly really like Korben Dallas. Which is why, upon reflecting on earlier scenes in this movie, it really irritates me that he just kisses Leeloo for no reason, or even that he's in love with her at all.

That scene I mentioned, where Korben dries her off, or even as early as the cab scene where she's talking animatedly to him in the divine language and we get the "bada boom" dialog, just oozes a kind of gentleness and care that doesn't speak satisfactorily to romance or sex. Leeloo, this childlike character, and Korben, this gentle man who happens to be great with guns, don't feel like husband and wife. They don't feel like sexual partners. He feels like her father. That moment with the shower soured the rest of their dynamic for me during my rewatch, because I kept thinking about how much better it could be. That dynamic, as I've already said, would have been deeply compelling, especially given the final reveal of the movie.

Now that we've escaped Fhloston, we've headed back to the temple in Egypt. This is that meta function of the first scene I said I'd address-- without it, there is no sense of a sort of circular journey the film takes. The film establishing this temple *is* important, because otherwise this scene where we return to it just wouldn't land as well. That said, I do still think the first scene is a little odd and clunky. Then again, so is much of this movie, and it's still a good scene.

Our characters spend a frustratingly long time decoding a "riddle" that Leeloo tells Korben, one which was so simple that I was yelling at my laptop the first time I watched it. We get another very gratifying and subtle payoff from an earlier scene where we see Korben has only one match left, which he needs for the fire stone. Earlier, we see him subtly take his penultimate match from the box. This movie's Chekov game is crazy.

Much like this review, Leeloo says something that feels deeply substantial nearly 2 hours into a 2 hour long movie. She says "I don't know love. I was made to protect, not to love. There is no use for me other than this."

This line is so compelling to me. It's the most CHARACTER I've seen from her in the whole movie, and its 2 hours in. We do not get to explore it.

You might have noticed, based on this line, what the Fifth Element actually is. What Leeloo needs in order to activate her Element and shoot the big fuckoff laser into the evil fire ball.

Its ~Love~.

This is, of course, ridiculously corny and requires them to kiss nasty on the mouth for longer than I would have liked to see (Of course, I would have like to not see it at all).

I don't actually mind this conclusion or the theming. It's silly, but so is the whole movie. But you might, like me, see an issue here.

If we had approached this movie the way I so desperately craved, made their dynamic more familial, made Leeloo a child and given Korben a new weird alien daughter, this conclusion would have been leagues more powerful.

Not only would it be a unique approach to what is usually a very hetero and sexual genre, it would have given a much more gratifying conclusion to Korben's character arc. At the beginning of his arc, Korben talks about how he's looking for a perfect woman after his wife left him. In the movie, Korben just... *gets* the perfect woman. He gets exactly what he wanted and he learns nothing. If Korben instead had to reckon with this new facet of his life and identity, had to reconcile with being thrust into quasi-fatherhood, he might actually have deigned to, you know, *develop* as a character. He would have *learned* something. I'm not saying every single character in the movie has to learn something, but the main goddamn character probably should, right?

But since it's an ~adult movie~ for ~grown ups~, we can't tell compelling family narratives, and the movie has to end with them having sex in a reactor pod. I hate that. I hated that conclusion and my least favorite part of this movie was its main conceit, which was genuinely tragic given how enjoyable I found the rest of the film.

So, I'll leave you with this.

The Fifth Element (1997) is a *good* movie. It's incredibly fun, zany, raunchy, and lively. The music is very good, the costuming and set design is whimsical and fantastic. It's a little weird about Asians. It birthed one of the worst cinema tropes ever invented, and it didn't even have to, because the movie would have been really, deeply beautiful if it hadn't.

And Korben Dallas should have been a butch lesbian.

Actually, I'll leave you by saying that the song that plays in the credits of this movie is really good. "Little Light of Love," it's called. I'm going to link it so you can experience it, too.

youtube

#The Fifth Element #movie review #movies #film review #film #cinema #writing #positive review #Youtube #Luc Besson #Bruce Willis #Milla Jovovich #im hard on this movie because i really liked it

21 notes · View notes

pattypanini · 8 months ago

Text

Lay All Your Love On Me

Chapter 7- Girls Night Out

Jake Kiszka x Reader and Josh Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 4.5k

TAGLIST

AN: Hi everyone! Here is the seventh chapter of Lay All Your Love On Me from me and @mar-rein12! Although this chapter does not have anyone going to pound town, we wanted to have a chapter where you could get a little lore on y/n and her friends.

Warnings: 18+, Alcohol (like an insane amount do NOT do this), sexting, nudes, cursing, angst. (Not very exciting stuff but your not ready for chapter 8 and 9 so take this chapter as a breathe of fresh air.)

Y/n’s POV

It’s been a little over a week since that night with Jake. After receiving that late-night text from Josh, things have gotten better between you two, but the guilt was still eating away at you. Josh has been friendly, but not as sexual with you. Sure, you’ve wanted to go over a few times and he's teased at it but nothing ever came of it. You missed your time with him. To make matters worse, you haven’t heard from Jake since that fateful night. You didn’t really know where you stood with either of them. You were confused by your own feelings.

There you stood on the stage, right beside Josh, preparing to run ‘the wedding scene’. Your stage mom begins to walk you down ‘the aisle’ when the music begins to play, Josh standing at the altar. As the priest begins to speak, Donna interrupts him making the announcement about Sophie’s father.

Your dialogue continues with your mother, “ I don’t care if you slept with hundreds of men. You’re my mom and I love you so much.” You give her a warm embrace.

“I haven't slept with hundreds of men,” she chuckles along with you. Sam, one of your potential dads, walks up to the front and begins the tense conversation. As all your possible dads, come join you at the altar to support you in your marriage, for you to call off the wedding.

“Sky, let's just not get married yet. You never wanted this anyway. I know that. Let's just get off this island and just see the world!” You project in your animated acting voice. “Okay? Alright?”

Josh pulls you in for a kiss and a hug. “I love you.” You know it was just acting, but you genuinely felt cared for in that moment. Josh scoops you up, bridal style, and carries you off stage.

When you make it backstage, Josh gently puts you down, accidentally swiping his hand across your ass. You know it doesn’t mean anything, but you couldn’t help feeling a little spark. You take a deep breath, innocently resting your head on his shoulder. His left arm snakes around your body, gripping at your waist to pull you into his side. His mouth leans down towards your ear, lightly whispering “You did so well. This is gonna be a really good show.”

“It really is.” There’s a moment of silence before you decide to bring something up that you have been thinking about for a little bit now. “We've gone through some real character development with each other. We went from enemies, to fucking, and now we’re really good friends. I would say that's pretty good.”

“I wouldn’t say we were enemies.”

“I would, you hated me. But it doesn't matter because we're here now better than ever.” You stand there whispering a little closer. “But I do miss our times together. I think about it sometimes…”

“No one ever said they had to stop, you just never came over.” He places a little kiss on the top of your head. Giving you butterflies.

He was right, you haven't been over since your night with Jake, you felt weird going over. It felt wrong. But you’d be lying if you said you haven’t wanted to, maybe you should.

“Okay so when are we hanging out.” You ask boldly.

“How about this weekend. We can go out Saturday, and if things lead to it you can come back to the apartment. Jake will probably be there. Do you care?”

Of course he’ll be there. But you couldn't act like that would change your mind. “Yeah that sounds good. I can't wait.”

“This might be a little pushy now but do you maybe wanna call tonight and catch up. Even though we’ve been hanging out during practice we haven't been talking much since then.”

“I mean we didn’t really talk a lot before that either, we kinda just fucked.” You chuckle a little.

“True but we still texted more. So can we?” Josh asks with puppy dog eyes.

“As much as I’d like to I can’t tonight, I’m going out with Charlotte and the girls. We’re going to go bar hopping.”

“On a Thursday?”

“Yeah! Thirsty Thursday.” A small giggle bubbles out of you nervously. Why was he making you nervous?

“Okay, well, what about tomorrow night?” He pushes.

“Someone sounds a little desperate.” You tease him.

“Is it desperate to want to talk to my friend?” Friend. You hadn’t heard him refer to you as his friend before, it was weird. But you pushed that feeling down and shook it off.

“Yes definitely, we can call, but why don’t you just have me over?”

“My dads coming up on Friday with my little brother to visit. He’s probably gonna come here unless he convinces our parents to let him work on music the way he wants to. Jake didn’t get out of that one.”

You chuckle a little. “Yeah sure we can call tomorrow and then hang out Saturday.”

“Sounds like a plan, I’m really excited.”

“Me too.” You smile at him, really excited for this new era of the two of you.

As your friends, Arianna and Mae, make their way to your apartment, Char finalizes her look for the evening you finish off your hair still in your satin robe. Char was sporting a red v-neck bodysuit with black flare leather pants.

As you look at your closet you ponder on what to wear but couldn’t think of anything good. Maybe you could have a little fun tonight. You open your phone to your messages opening a new chat.

9:45pm y/n: What am I wearing tonight hottie?

9:46pm Jake: Didn’t expect to be hearing from you, I missed you.

It felt wrong, but you weren’t tied down, you weren’t with Josh.

9:47pm y/n: I missed you too, I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Sooo I’m going out tonight, what am I wearing?

9:47pm Jake: Depends, where are you going?

9:48pm y/n: Bar hopping in town.

9:53pm Jake: Wear the baby pink tank that you wore on your insta a few weeks ago for your friend’s sorority event and that white mini skirt you wore in your Christmas post.

9:54pm y/n: Stalker much lol

9:56pm Jake: I told you I’ve had my eye on you for a while now.

You make your way to your closet and pick out the pieces of clothing Jake chose. You opted for no bra since this shirt held your boobs in place since it's pretty tight.

10:05 pm y/n: Done, thanks for the recommendation.

10:06pm Jake: Umm… no. Not how this works, show me beautiful. I wanna see that sexy body of yours.

You take a quick mirror picture, making sure to pose in a way that accentuates your curves.

10:07pm y/n: Attachment: 1 image

10:08pm Jake: Perfect as always. I really love having some control over you. You know since I can’t really be with you other than in secret.

10:10pm y/n: Thank you 😘 I like it too, you can control me however you’d like.

10:12pm Jake: I'll keep that in mind. Keep me updated tonight, I'll be thinking about you.

You slip on your white booties and clasp your plain gold chain around your neck, along with your classic initial necklace and daily earring stack.

“y/n, Arianna and Mae are here now. Are you ready soon?” You hear Char shout from the other room.

“Yeah one moment!” You make sure your makeup and hair look up to standard and finish everything off with deodorant and a quick spritz of your favorite perfume. You make your way out of your room, being met with the faces of your best friends. The room fills with shrieks and cheers as everyone sees each other all dressed up.

“You look so hot, y/n. Your outfit is serving cunt,” Char never fails to make you feel good about yourself. Arianna and Mae agree with her, as Ari pulls her phone from her purse.

“Selfie?” she says holding her phone up. You all lean into each other, smiles plastered across your soon to be drunken faces.

“Alright! The uber is gonna be here any minute. One shot, then we gotta go.” Char says lining the shot glasses up on the table, she pours the clear liquid into the tiny glasses. Everyone throws their heads back to take their shot.

“WOOOOO! Lets fucking do this!” Mae screams at the top her longs making her way to the door. God you loved these girls.

Once you are finally in the Uber you feel a buzz come from your lap.

10:27pm Josh: Be safe tonight, lmk if you need anything. I’ll be thinking about you.

I’ll be thinking about you. These twins have you fucked up, majorly.

10:27pm y/n: Thanks, have a good night too ☺️

When you finally make it to your first bar you and the girls hop out of the uber, feeling excited and ready for the night. Your heels clack against the concrete as you make your way down the sidewalk. You open the door of the bar and you’re immediately smacked in the face with deafeningly loud music and an intense wave of heat.

“Holy shit, it's hot in here,” You hear Mae announce from behind you. You all make your way over to the bar to order your drinks.

Arianna, Char, and Mae voice their drink choices to the bartender, as you stand there trying to decide what to get. You came to the conclusion that you needed something strong, something to help you let loose and forget about those god damn Kiszka boys.

“May I have a long island, please.” You politely ask the bartender and turn around on your heels to face your friends. They are all staring back at you with widened eyes, drink in hand.

“Damn girl, we’re only at the first bar,” Arianna jokes, a laugh erupting from the other two.

“I know, I just really want to let loose tonight, it’s been so long since we've all seen each other. Besides, it’s okay to get fucked up every now and then,” you wink at them, you all share a boisterous laugh. “Ugh, I missed you guys so much.” You pull them all in for a big group hug, and pull away only when the bartender offers you up your drink. You give him a quick ‘thank you’ and make your way over to the booth the girls snatched up.

You squeeze into the booth beside Char, who is sipping away at her vodka spritz. You take a sip of your own drink and spark up a conversation, “So, what have you guys been up to lately? Any special men in your lives?”

You watch as Mae’s cheeks flush a light pink, “Actually, I have been talking to this guy. He's a really cute, kinda surfer boy with blonde hair. He’s from Hawaii and said that I should come down to visit him so he can teach me how to surf. Isn’t that so romantic?”

“How did you meet him?” Ari asks, wanting to know all the details.

“Well I was there in Hawaii for like a month on vacation, he was wearing a Michigan sweatshirt so I went up to chat and he said he was transferring here. We hooked up a few times while I was there and we’ve been talking for a few months now, I think it's getting real.”

“That's so cute Mae! I'm so happy for you. When will I get to meet this amazing man?” You ask excitedly. You were happy at least one of your friends wasn’t struggling with relationships like you were.

“Umm I don’t know , maybe I can introduce you guys to him this week. And what about you y/n anyone new on the roster or are you finally settling down?” Mae says, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

“Nothing crazy, just doing my normal stuff.” You say, trying to bypass the question.

“Ummmm no actually, you’ve been pretty occupied with a certain someone for the past few weeks. He has even been over to the apartment.” Char says sipping at her drink, looking over to Ari and Mae.

“The apartment?! No guys are ever brought there, he must be special y/n.” Mae adds, giving you a sentimental look.

“He’s just been a good hookup, it's really nothing crazy. Don't act like you guys haven't gotten with the same guys more than once.”

“Well who is it?”

“That's none of your business, Ari.” You tease her with a devious smile on your face.

Mae and Ari look to Charlotte, knowing that at some point she would spill. You can see her struggling to hold it in before…

“IT'S JOSH KISZKA! I’m sorry y/n I really tried to keep it in.” Your forehead falls into your palm not wanting to look up at the group. “Charlotte, seriously!”

“Josh Kiszka, like the sexy theater kid Josh Kiszka?” Mae’s eyes are practically popping out of her head.

“Is there any other?” You reply dryly.

“How did you guys start talking, I hear he’s a hard one to get with. Heard he's kind of an ass, too” Ari says leaning towards you.

“Being an ass is 100% true, getting with him was actually pretty easy though. He was ready to risk it all the first time we hung out together outside of practice for the musical.” You feel the alcohol begin to take effect on your body.

“And his brother Jake, well the one time-.” Everyone is sitting waiting for you to finish. “Well he’s always gone. Josh always kicks him out of the house. I barely even knew he existed.” Lie. “Except for when he walked in on us.”

“WHAT! When???” Mae’s bright blue eyes grow even wider than before.

“I don’t know, a few weeks ago? It was the first time we hung out alone. He made Jake go to a friend's house and then Jake forgot he had to go and walked in on us. Honestly, I think he did it on purpose.”

Ari cuts in. “I bet he did, I had a class with him freshman year and I overheard him talking with some kid. I think it was Tommy Bucks, nonetheless, they were looking at your Insta and Jake was saying some crazy stuff.”

“L-like what?” Suddenly you’re completely sober.

“Oh I don’t know normal boy stuff. ‘She’s so sexy, I’d fuck her, She has a fat ass.’ Just the usual.”

“I did end up getting with Tommy actually, I think.” You mention. You all share a little giggle.

“Have you ever thought about getting with Jake?”

Oh fuck. “Like I said, I don't really know him. Only time I talked to him was when I had to leave and he apologized.” Oh, you were going to hell.

“Makes sense.” Ari adds, Mae nodding in agreement. But Charlotte's face was telling a different story. Her eyes narrow at you, in suspicion.

You chug the rest of your drink. “Next bar?” you suggest.

Everyone nods and quickly takes their last sip before grabbing their things and heading out the door to the next bar. There were a good amount of bars nearby so taking an Uber wasn’t necessary.

When you finally get to the next bar you start thinking about him. He’s been on your mind a lot recently, but you were so confused with your emotions. Things were becoming way too complicated for your liking. Against your better judgment, you decide to shoot him a text.

11:15pm y/n: I miss you, I want you. Wish you were here.

11:16pm Jake: I miss you too sexy, and your body. I wish I could be with you, taking that slutty little outfit off. Who picked that out again?😏

“y/n order your drink!!!” Char screams into your ear over the blaring music. You look up from your phone noticing you’ve been staring at your phone for a little bit.

“I’ll just have a strawberry daiquiri please, thank you.” Your eyes go straight back to your phone, fingers typing away quickly.

11:16pm y/n: You did baby and I wouldn’t mind you taking it off of me either.

Something washed over you, maybe you were ovulating but you were feeling a certain type of way.

11:16pm y/n: Wanna see me, Jakey?

11:17pm Jake: Of course, sexy girl. Show me what's mine.

The bartender hands you your drink, and immediately you take a big gulp emptying half the glass.

11:18pm y/n: Who said I was yours?

11:18pm Jake: Is anyone else getting these pics?

11:18pm y/n: No

11:19pm Jake: Then they’re mine, along with your body, all mine.

Next thing you know, Charlotte fingers are snapping in your face. “y/n, it’s girls night not ‘whoever your textings’ night.”

“Okay fineee.” You slur out, shoving your phone back into your purse. You take another large swig of your beverage, following the girls out to the dance floor. One of your favorite party songs comes on, Bloodline by Ariana Grande. Perfect timing.

“Even though you’re bad for me, I know!” You serenade Charlotte. Well, maybe more like scream at her. “You’re the one that I’m thinkin, got me feelin’ so incredible. Would you mind maybe linkin?” You sway your hips to the beat and every now and then take a sip of your daiquiri.

Your favorite part of the song comes on, and with the influence that you were under, you were being absolutely obnoxious. “DON'T WANT YOU IN MY BLOODLINE, YUH. NOT TRYNA MAKE YOU ALL MINE, YUH. AND NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE, NO. BUT YOU GON’ HAVE TO LET THIS SHIT GO.” You scream the lyrics with your chest, jumping all around with Char, Ari, and Mae. This was the most fun you had in a while, but he was still lingering in the back of your mind.

As you continue to dance, your drink slightly sloshes around in your cup. Charlotte, in her drunken haze, accidentally bumps into you,sending your drink flying all over your shirt. “Oh my God, y/n. I-I’m so sorry,” she apologizes, her words slurring together.

“Char, it’s not a problem, really. I’m just going to run to the bathroom real quick to dry off. I’ll be right back!” You begin to walk away from the dance floor towards the bathroom.

“Do you want me to come help?” You hear Charlotte ask.

“No, no. It’s okay, I promise. I’ll be quick. Might take a piss while I'm in there, too.” You hand your drink to Char and disappear through the singular bathroom door, quickly locking the door behind you. You grab a few pieces of toilet paper and try to wipe off as much of the drink as you can. Oh fuck. When you look into the mirror, your nipples fully see through your baby pink top. Wait. You look back to the door to make sure it is locked.

Opening your camera you take a few shots of yourself. One straight on, seeing your nipples through the shirt. One from above showing your cleavage, making sure to push and pull them in all the right places. You look back to see them. Damn you look pretty good. You take one more shot from below, showing your ass peeking out of your skirt. Perfect.

11:31pm y/n: Attachments: 3 Images

11:31pm y/n: I hope you're still thinking of me, I know I’m thinking of you.

11:33pm Jake: Holy fuck y/n, you’re so fucking hot. I need you so bad. Show me more baby please, I'm so desperate for you.

11:34pm y/n: You want me to come over?

11:35pm Jake: Really? Please.

11:36pm y/n: No, keep dreaming tho 😉

11:37pm Jake: You're such a tease. I think you owe me now.

11:38pm y/n: You’ll get more later don’t you worry baby. Ttyl 😘

You quickly take your piss and make your way back onto the dance floor trying to find where your friends were sitting. When you finally locate them you take a seat next to Mae and take a sip of your drink.

“Char get off of HayDay, I swear you're addicted.” Mae says from across the table, much louder than she has to.

“HayDay is life guys. I’m almost to level 40 and I need to get my stuff ready for my boat.” She slurs as she stares at her phone like a little kid. You giggle at her taking a larger sip of your drink. I really want a beer.

“I think I’m gonna get a corona. I'm in the mood for it.” You say before slipping off your seat trying to make your way to the bar.

Ari grabs you by the shoulder, “y/n, I think you should slow down a little on the drinks.”

“Omg you guys are so boringggg. I don’t even have class until 4 tomorrow so I’ll deal with it before then.” You continue your way to the bar asking the bartender for a corona with a lime. As you wait for the bartender to return with your drink you meet with an old face. Oh shit.

“What’s up, pretty lady.”

“Hi Mark.” You give a dry response not super happy to be seeing him especially after the call situation when you were with Josh.

Mark used to be a regular hook up for you. He was an attractive man, 6 foot 2 and played basketball for the university. You met him in a class last semester and through ‘studying’ you began to see each other more often. Which led to makeouts and then quickly became hookups. But his attractiveness is as far as it went. He had an awful personality and wasn’t very faithful to any of his past girlfriends. And while he may seem charming on the outside, once you got to know him, his aggressiveness came out. He would get mad when you slept with other men even though you weren’t dating. So you slowly weaned off him and didn’t really reach out to him after that.

“Why the sour face, aren’t you happy to see me?” He asks with his classic smirk.

“Not really Mark, so if you don’t mind I’m gonna go back to my friends now.”

“Whatever y/n, give me a call whenever you’re actively fucking someone else” Mentioning the call that happened the other day.

“Why did it make you jealous hearing someone else make me feel good?” You give him a fake little pout, pretending to feel sorry for him.

“Not at all, I know you’ll be crawling back to me whenever you get bored of the current man.” He says bluntly, walking away without another word.

Fuck him. You grab your drink and head back to the table. “Guys you would not believe who I just saw.” You say sitting back in your seat.

Charlotte looks up from her phone, ready to hear the drama. “Who, spill.”

“Mark.”

“I fucking hate him bro. I don’t know why you hooked up with him for so long.” Char rolls her eyes.

“I didn’t give a shit about his personality, I just wanted to be dicked down.”

“Well, I think it's a sign we should head out.” Char says quickly sipping the rest of her drink down. You quickly grab your beer, chugging as much as you can before handing it off to Mae to finish the rest.

The last two bars were a drag. You didn’t drink that much due to the fact that you heavily drank in the last two. You finally get into the Uber and doze off until you are nudged by Char when you arrive at the apartment.

When you make your way inside you shake off your boots and head back to your room. Jeez you look a mess. A hot mess nonetheless. You open your phone to a couple texts.

The first being from Josh.

12:47am Josh: Lmk when you get home safe.

1:23am y/n: I just got back, Thanks for checking in on me, Josh. 🥰 Ttyt

The second being a less innocent text from his twin brother.

1:04am Jake: I’ve been thinking about you all night. There hasn’t been a moment I wasn’t thinking of you.

1:12am Jake: You make me wanna touch myself y/n.

1:25am y/n: I can help you out with that 😉

1:26am Jake: Please baby I need it. If you don’t want to, it's okay, but I wanna cum to you. You make me fucking crazy.

You smirk at his texts. Oh, how you love begging men. You slip off your top and take a picture of yourself, holding one tit in your hand pushing it up slightly, snapping the photo. Maybe it was the alcohol but something came over you. You begin to take a little video. Holding your tit and pushing it up to your mouth. Sticking your tongue out trying to lick your tits, something that has been proven to get the men going.

1:29am y/n: 2 Attachments: 1 image, 1 video

1:30am y/n: I’ll talk to you tomorrow, enjoy your little videos, and don’t be scared to save them for a later date. Night Jakey😘

Without waiting for another text you plug in your phone and take off your skirt slipping into a large shirt. Taking off your makeup was not even a thought, you crawled into bed, reminiscing the best girls night out ever.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@demonrat444 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jordie-gvf @jazzyfigz @slut4lando @gvfmarge @peaceloveunitygvf @jjwasneverhere @areuirish @mar-rein12 @woyayaofdreams @freyjalw @musicspeaks @jennabobenasblog @do-it-jakey-baby @dannys-dream @sarah-gvf01 @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface

#greta van fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van smut #gvf #gvf fic #gvf smut #josh gvf #josh kiskza fanfic #josh kiskza smut #josh kiszka #jake kiszka gvf #jake kiszka #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka smut #jake gvf #jake kiszka x reader

49 notes · View notes

destiny-in-the-universe · 6 months ago

Text

Concepts for the Pokemon x RC9GN AU

Alright, this is officially take two of my attempts to explain this... weird crossover no one asked for!

as for the descendant Randy AU, that's going to be done completely separately so, let's get right on to it!

General Infodump

The Pokemon AU takes place in a fictional region that is supposed to replace Norrisville- and Norrisville is one of the towns of said region, but we start off with our two title leads - Randy and Howard - about to head off on their journey to become Pokemon trainers. Randy's parents are a little bit miffed about it for undisclosed plot reasons, but they don't stop him when he does decide to leave. I like to think the Sorcerer isn't literally a disheveled frog-looking thing but more so something else (brain isn't brain'ing right now-)

McFist and Viceroy are both part of an organization that is a little like, say Team Rocket but with more merit to what they're doing- and are one of the many foes that Randy now has to face, but to add onto all of this-

I literally don't know how to incorporate the Ninja lore into this unless I decided to have the Ninja as this protector of the entire region, instead of just Norrisville. Thinking that the bond between the Ninja and their Pokemon team is going to be more... ahems, magical? No- a word I can't think of right now, fuck English right now

The tengu was either a legendary or mythical bird Pokemon, of course with an element of fire because hello? We can't have anything less, but moving on! The whole thing with the stone still went down though I'm still trying to tie this all together to say the least

Additional Lore Bits

Stanked monsters don't exist in the same way as the RC9GN canon- that's all I got right now to be honest

The group that McFist and Viceroy are a part of- their goals are wanting to use Pokemon as their own personal army, and make them stronger and better in order to take on the Ninja. What they don't realize, however, is that there's actual significance behind the Ninja's appearance (tying this into cultural aspects perhaps? we'll see how this works out later-)

So, how does the Ninja work in this, you ask? I like to think that there were always warriors protecting Norrisville from imminent danger but nothing was ever as strong and dangerous as the Sorcerer. When Finja and his clan came to be, the Sorcerer was utilizing dark relics in order to take over the entire region but of course, like anything- this began going south which led to the intervention from the Norisu 9. Unfortunately, this ended up going extremely dire and Finja was the only one left- no one quite managed to figure out what happened to everyone else but using the feathers of a legendary Pokemon, he managed to create something no one had ever managed to do before

Now to keep this from being too similar to the RC9GN canon, I'm not sure what to do after this- but I still want to reference some stuff honestly? I can't tell you what that is yet, this is all just a prototype idea for now but this is where things get a little interesting...

Finja and the Sorcerer face off in a great battle, and the Sorcerer meets his demise- imprisoned- but Finja is left horrendously weakened and injured, and his fate- for now- will remain undetermined

Skip to modern day, and this is where we're introduced to Randy and Howard, the pair are heading off on their Pokemon trainer journey- Randy wants the glory of being a trainer, but he also just feels he needs to do what's right and getting to face the gym leaders gives him that sensation; Howard is only going because he doesn't want to be alone hahah, he hasn't quite figured out what he wants to do yet

As their journey continues, Randy ends up catching a lot of fighting and fire types, including one that's a poison type while Howard's tend to be a little different- i'm thinking fire at the very least but there are others

i'm going insane trying to write this in a way that actually makes sense, was too focused on finding trainer card templates and now i have to pick their Pokemon and add it to the card-

but okay, let's move on

Character Concepts

Randy Cunningham: 14 years old. Randy's the son of a retired Pokemon trainer, though he knows nothing beyond that- coughs, and his mother's a nurse for Pokemon! He starts his Pokemon trainer journey a little bit late, but he's determined to take on the gym leaders, like it's something he has to do. As he and Howard embark on the adventure, they end up having to deal with a weird... metallic Pokemon, and Randy's kind of losing his marbles (but he also is weirdly ecstatic about the whole thing-). Sometime during this, he encounters an ancient relic which apparently is a book and has everything about how to be a better trainer, how to fight with your team, all of it. The author's not written anywhere in it but he eventually gets the hang of it- even if he constantly misinterprets the lessons and takes twice as long to figure it out.

The deal with this kid is he's extremely impulsive and likes to blindly rush at danger- also the fact he immediately jumps to conclusions when something happens, because he'll accidentally warp the lessons into something that benefits him. Though, his bond with his team continues to strengthen- and if he happens to accidentally realize exactly how he can utilize this to his advantage, well, let's just say something interesting is going to happen. (my current plan is that he create a link with the Pokemon and active their powers for him to be able to use as well-)

Howard Weinerman: Howard is around the same age as Randy. He's not very interested in a lot of things- but he despises being alone and decides to tag on Randy's trainer journey with him, embarking on the strangest adventure he's ever had. Unlike Randy, however, he only seems to care about things that benefit him which isn't entirely the case as he seems to also worry about Randy's safety- especially with the amount of times that his friend just blindly gets into a fight with their enemies. Howard is exceptionally stubborn, though at the end of the day, he manages to do what's right too- albeit a little reluctantly.

And yes, I'm going to link him to the tengu- things might work out a little bit differently in this version for obvious reasons, but I will manage a way for it to work.

Debbie Kang: Debbie Kang is one of the other Pokemon trainers that accompanies Randy and Howard on their journey- unlike the boys, she's not trying to take on the gym leaders and seems more interested in becoming a reporter, attempting to grab the latest scoop on things happening around the region. Unfortunately, she gets involved in the current ploy McFist and Viceroy are doing- and, well, Debbie has no idea what she's getting into and she and her liepard are about to uncover something much bigger is happening. She happens to be relentless in her endeavors, preferring the sense of danger but needing to reel herself back in or risk endangering the entire party. [Details are still pending]

Theresa Fowler: On the other hand, we have Theresa- unlike Debbie, who's completely willing to throw herself into a path of danger for a scoop, Theresa is a little more cautious. She worries constantly about her friends, not wanting to see them get hurt and sometimes acts as the voice of reason (Debbie can be, but she also wants to expose McFist and Viceroy, and that gets in the way at times-). She frets a lot, but she also is a good fighter and will intervene if the rest of her team is injured.

I like to consider these four as the title characters, and that the other Norrisville High students are more in the background- although I'm also trying to figure something out with Julian.

Undeveloped Ideas

The Nomicon is an ancient relic- as mentioned before, it's a training tool for the current Ninja, or whatever adjacent theme is being followed; unlike the canon, however, the book has more of a connection with the user and can interact with them even via dreams and has a human form (though this isn't something that happens too often-). [Details still pending!]

Tengu - Legendary Pokemon/Fire Type. The tengu was always more of a neutral party in all of this, but things changed... and this led to certain events taking place- even before Finja managed to infuse the tengu's feathers into... something.

Shadow Warrior's Temple - central theme to the storyline. details still in the works- potentially some of the things from it will be used by Randy, but this is about as far as I got.

Unfortunately, this is most what I have- the idea came to me out of nowhere and I need to develop it more because this sounds and looks like garbled nonsense- I kind of would like some thoughts on it-? Though this isn't inherently necessarily at the same time-

I'm going to be fleshing this out eventually, just please be patient! Because apparently, I don't know when to quit-

I'm kind of more excited for building the Pokemon teams than the lore though hahaha

15 notes · View notes

appalachianapologies · 9 months ago

Text

okay so I was tagged by @lailuhhh and @rosieblogstuff and I think one other person (i am so sorry i forgor) many days ago and i am finally doing the first sentence of ten works thing. I guess the general consensus is no one knows whether or not this is for WIPs or posted things so like many others I'll just do a combo of both :D

From a wip that is uhhhh 22k and counting long, titled in my google docs as simply "fuck it desi lore," starting off strong with a sentence that I don't think is actually grammatically correct but you know what sometimes the vibes matter more than grammar and you can quote me on that: Later, Desi will feel guilty for it.

From chapter one of Remittent Distress, we have a line that sounds like it's going to be macriley WHICH IT IS NOT- (PS she's just out on a little mini mission she's not dead or anything) During the three days that Riley has been gone, Mac's been coping poorly.

Another chapter one first sentence, we have the first line of what's shaping up to be my next book! Cue the school intercom noise... "Good morning Ravens, happy Tuesday, and happy first day of school!"

Next we have chapter one (not the prologue) of False Dawn, which is a WIP that keeps me up at night and makes me feel far too many emotions at once: Bozer has a strange affinity for sending physical letters.

We have a bit of a secret fic that's up next- set in Tender Mercies universe, except this is set approximately 10 years in the future from Aground, the most recent fic in the series. Mac makes it a single step into the visitation cell before freezing on the spot.

Next up we have the first line of one of my favorite fics of mine, where we get some Sam Cage! (sam my beloved). Get ready for the first sentence of Episteme! Samantha Cage, despite her evergrowing want to be out of the life she threw herself into, isn’t exactly sure how to stay out of it.

Okay so this is the first line at the moment, but might not be if/when I finally get around to writing the vast majority of this fic. After drafting out an entire fic on a plane ride about a year ago, I only actually fully wrote out a few paragraphs. Here's the beginning of it as of right now: “Arriving in forty-five minutes,” comes the eventual answer through Mac’s earpiece.

Now we have the first line from Past + Fire + Present, purely because I think it's a fabulous addition to the whole point of this post (and also this does happen to be a fic that i am quite happy about how it came out). The first sentence is a little bit lack-luster though... Hands.

Changing things up a bit, this next sentence is from my 95% finished The Martian fic that has been 95% finished for over a year at this point. I really just need to write two more paragraphs and post it at this point, but here's the start! Sneaking out of Beck's quarters as soon as he stepped out to talk to the rest of the crew was probably not the brightest of plans, but I can’t take it back now.

And to end things off, we're going to hop back to Remittent Distress, but this time in the form of the first sentence for chapter three! (Currently working on it, fear not) It’s to be expected.

I'm fairly certain that at this point everyone that I know has been tagged in this (and I'm also like a week or two late at this point), so if you see this, assume you're being tagged! (and also if you write your own please tag me somewhere in it so I can read your sentences :D)

#in which vi actually writes #macgyver #the martian #original fiction #in which vi thinks about writing #tag games #writing games #looking at how i start my pieces and going. ''damn girl you [write] like this?'' (derogatory)#idk man at some point i'll learn how to start pieces. that point is clearly not today though #''Hands.'' WHERE'S MY FUCKING PULITZER

9 notes · View notes

auxxrat · 20 days ago

Text

Kamino's Lullaby

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

This little oneshot is based on a post from @fisharela, and I was just too inspired and heartbroken by it not to write something. Added a bit of my own headcanons and lore to fill in the blanks !! I'll be posting it on my ao3 too if you want to check that out! I hope you all enjoy !!

Tags ↓

angst/comfort(as much as we're gonna get in this situation), parental!shaak ti, jango mention, SMALLEST BIT of jango/shaak mention, child!clone ! Mention of death !

Kamino was cold. Not just in how it chilled any warm-blooded species to the bone, but in how it froze the heart. Everything was the same color, making it feel like the hallways were never-ending paths, pulling you in further to mindless walking. It was quieter than an abandoned city, footsteps were more common to the ear than any sort of laughter, the color grey scaling every wall and voiding any room or person of personality–

Not any place for children.

Shaak had come to terms with it long ago. She had walked these halls so many times, back and forth for hours on end, yet she couldn't find a justifiable reason that children would need to be raised for war. A Jedi had no business letting life be created for the sole purpose of dying, letting Padawan’s on the front lines…. But what else could be done? Shaak searched for the answers, but there were none. This war was being played out with unfair rules, but when had they become so desensitized to disaster? To suffering? When had they forgotten that the clones were people?

And then the question of what was to come after the war. The Jedi allowed these innocents to be brought up for slaughter, so it was their job to make sure that they lived– after all of this fighting. There was still no compensation for this loss, for the lives lost, the brothers missing.

Shaak had watched so many of them grow. She had watched the face of Jango be reborn thousands of times at this point, watched as the versions of himself that he would never be walk past. Five, then six, to the teenage years, then back again to an infant. From a smiling child to an age he never got to reach. They grew and reminded her every day of what she lost, what she’ll never see again, not really. They had peace, as much as Shaak could give them, then grew and marched off to war.

They never came home, not all of them. Some came home in bodybags, some only pieces made it back, and others never made it back home.

But tonight, those children were tucked into bed tightly, or at least they should be….

The softest of smiles broke across Shaak Ti’s face as she did her nightly walk, hearing the little whispered voices and hushes. After doing so many of these nightly walks Shaak found that no matter how many times she tucked them into bed, the little solider boys still found a way to crawl out of bed and a way to wake the others. The smile faded quickly though, Shaak got closer and closer and the voices became clearer with each step. Tears.

It was no wonder. Today was… a hard day on Kamino, an even harder day for the little ones. A long funeral had taken place at the very bottom of Kamino, where a large platform braved the waves and hovered just above the water. Shaak had found it during the first few years of the war, when bodies just continued to come home and she accepted this is what Jango had left for her, it was a quick decision on what to use it for– the clones deserved a proper send-off.

What they deserved was to be dressed in their culture, alive in some other place where there is no war, where there are no parentless children. The best she could give them was the waves, and an old Mandalorian song to honor them.

It was always hard on them, especially the nights following. Nothing exempted these boys from nightmares, writhing in their sleep drenched in sweat until Shaak or one of the older clones wakes them. They can never recall what the nightmare was about, no matter how many times she’s asked, across all of them– they can’t remember.

It caused many hard nights.

Shaak didn’t know if there was anything she could do anymore. The kaminoan scientists were strict, they were the ones who treated the clones like nothing more than investments, in their eyes these were not children– they were property. Nothing but walking science. It was hard to even… care for them in the presence of Lama Su… or any of them for that matter. Showing any sort of parental action towards the clones was met with scorn and a warning that–

“If this continues any longer, The Jedi Council will hear of it, Jedi Master Shaak Ti”

And she had already been warned once before.

These poor boys… Shaak could barely round the corner before her knees were being smashed into. It’s like they could sense whenever she was near. She scooped the upset boy into her arms and quickly tucked him back in before it started a domino effect of them all waking up, but there was no doubt they were all already awake. Awake, with a fresh new set of nightmares.

She couldn't hold them all, she couldn't fight away what they were facing. It was just like on the battlefield, forced to watch them fall with the expectation of not being crushed beyond repair. She can’t help them, she can’t help them, she can’t help them.

The boy didn't go down without a fuss, the big brown eyes that she had once looked into so long ago, on a different face– stared back. He gripped her hand tightly to his chest, lying there in his bottom bunk with a horrified look. Shaak already knew not to ask, he already knew not to even try to explain. They just sat there in silence, a mutual understanding that they couldn’t help each other, just comfort. Shaak sat there and brushed his dark curls from his forehead, dabbing the sweat away with her robe.

“Go back to sleep darling, the night isn’t over yet”

“I can’t,” the boy said quietly, defeated.

“The nightmare again?’ Shaak Ti asked, and the boy nodded.

“It’s different this time,” He interrupted Shaak’s next words, “He’s there, watching me”

“Who’s watching you, dear?”

“I don’t know.” His lips pressed into a thin line and his eyebrows drew together, as if in deep thought, “He looks like us… but he’s not. He’s just watching me”

Shaak hushed the boy, her hand still caressing his wrinkled forehead. It was a common theme in all of their dreams, ones that they slowly stopped talking about when they got older. It was just another endless thought for her to mull around in her head over and over again, it was useless trying to decipher it now when she could never fully wrap her head around it in the first place. Was it Jango? It couldn't be, his soul was part of the Force now and there was nothing left of him.

“Is something wrong with me?”

“No. Go back to sleep, it’ll all go away in the morning” She cupped her hand around the boy’s chubby cheek, still hushing him quietly, “I’ll be right here”

“The whole night?” His baby brown eyes widened.

“The whole night, I promise”

The promise must have stuck because he snuggled himself back under the covers, hand still holding onto three of Shaak’s fingers tightly– still scared she would leave. She wasn't going anywhere, not if it meant leaving them behind.

His dark eyelashes began to flutter, eyes no doubt heavy with sleep after getting so worked up. But like any stubborn child, he refused to close his eyes just yet, fighting the sleep that he so badly needed.

“Can you sing me to sleep, please?” The whisper was so soft that Shaak had barely heard it under all of the shuffling of his brothers.

She had sung many of the clones to sleep throughout the years of this war, so many with their own personal song after having fits that only she could calm.

Shaak tucked the blanket up to the boy’s chin, nodding while urging him to roll over and sleep– slowly beginning to hum as he closed his eyes contently.

She hummed an old tune, rubbing the boy's back and threading her fingers through his curls, watching him succumb to a more peaceful sleep. Shaak sat there for a very long while, just humming, looking at the soft sleeping face in front of her. He was so small in her hands, with such chubby cheeks, and the most perfect curls. Everything she wanted was just out of reach, given to her in the most cruel and twisted way. All of them were perfect, such joyful children despite their situation. They deserved to be loved, to be mothered. Jango…what have you done?

Long after the boy was asleep, Shaak got up and continued her rounds while humming her song. Even more little ears were awake, rocking themselves to sleep in sadness until her soothing voice reached them.

Kamino was cold and colorless, yet Shaak managed to be the warmth and color that the clones needed. Her song echoed through the barracks, reaching anyone who would listen, to any child up rocking themselves to sleep. After all the bombs and gunfire, after seeing all that blood… she was the only comfort. So much so they could almost mutter her name as ‘mother’.

So many lonely children sat up in the hallways that night, listening to her echoing song, finally feeling the comfort of what their books call mom.

#star wars #star wars tcw #star wars fanfiction #star wars fic #shaak ti #clone troopers #jango fett mention #ao3fic #auxxrat fics #I loved the post so much I had to make a oneshot #oneshot #star wars one shot #probably gonna make a tik tok post bc ive been thinking of this concept since the audio became popualr #also check out op post bc their art is so amazing

5 notes · View notes

hiccupscloud-26 · 27 days ago

Text

Hicvember Day 2: Random Case

Hey all! Just a small note, this story's events occur after Indyko finds out about Calliope's fetish, but you all will get to see that story in a different prompt

Hicvember prompts: random case

Short hiccups

Lore drop~

Slight teasing

Xvari was hanging out with his favorite mortals to hang out with. Calliope and Indyko were promptly ignoring him, opting to play Uno instead of giving him the time of day. He couldn't blame them though. He was originally summoned as an assassin to murder Indyko a long time ago. And even though he decided not to go with it, he had more fun annoying them.

“Uno,” Calliope smirked as she put down a green 6.

“Oh-ho, I don't think so!” Indyko placed down a draw 4 card.

“Haha! Doesn't matter! Draw 8!” Calliope placed another draw 4 card on top, jumping up and cheering.

Indy's jaw dropped, “what? But I *himpk* could've sworn I had that vic-*hic!*-” their eyebrows furrowed confused as they placed a hand on the chest as it jolted again.

Both Calliope and Xvari watched the scene.

“What is that? What are they doing?” Xvari questioned, trying not to sound concerned.

They both then turned to Xvari. Calliope smirked, “awww, you care about Indy.~”

“Don't *hip!* worry, I just have a random-*mk* case of *HIC!*cups,” Indyko told him as they shuffled the deck.

“Hiccups? You mortals and your many quirks…” Xvari shook his head as he saw Calliope watching Indy intensely while twirling her hair. “Are they dangerous?”

Indy shrugged as another jolt knocked the cards out of their hands. They handed the deck to Calliope for her to shuffle. “Not usually. *HUP!* They're just li-*HICK'L!*-mm little spasms of the diaphragm-*MK!* It just happens every once in a while.”

“Then why's Calliope looking at you as if you're in danger?” Xvari tilted his head.

Calliope blushed and moved her eyes away from her partner's beautifully bouncy body, “I'm not! I'm just…” she huffed before muttering, “hoping they're alright…”

“Aww, so swe-*HEEK!*-eet, but I'm okay, babe,” Indyko reassured, even though they knew it was just an excuse. “Honestly, these came outta no-*HULP!*-where…but if you want, you can-*hnkglp*-” they swallowed back a hiccup, making a rather gulpy sound, “rub my tummy.”

Calliope nodded, abandoning the Uno cards before moving her chair next to Indyko and placing her hand on their stomach just in time to feel the next jolt.

“Do they hurt?” Calliope whispered to them.

“No, not *HIUP!*-oof, excuse me, not at all,” Indy smiled at her. “They're also *HU'UP!* a bit tamer than my usual cases *hip!* don't you think?”

“I guess…I've only witnessed a few of your cases, I'd need more data,” Calliope whispered again.

Indyko couldn't help but chuckle into a loud *HUPAH!* before settling down, “you're so cu-*hyup!*-te. Needing to collect da-*huck!*-data, too precious.”

“Yeah, just act like I'm not here, why don't you?” Xvari rolled his eyes.

“We're trying, thanks for your unnecessary permission,” Calliope glared daggers into him.

“Geez, harsh much?” Xvari winced. “Look, I know what I did, but we did the whole apology thing months ago, can't we move on?”

“First, you want to kill my partner, and then you reveal you had a crush on me and that's why you didn't kill them? Yeah, sorry bub, but I'll take as much time as I need to ‘move on’ from that. And if you can't accept that, then I suggest you leave,” Calliope shrugged before focusing back to Indyko.

Xvari scoffed, hiding the hurt he felt. He muttered as he turned to leave, “whatever…the only reason I'm staying is to make sure no other assassins come for them, and this is the thanks I get. Great.”

He walked out the door, flying up to the roof, sitting down and watching the sunset.

Indy watched him go before looking at Calliope, “I know you're *hilp* upset with what he did, and you ha—ave every right to your feelings-”

“Damn right I do.”

“-but he is looking out for u-*nk*-us. Pro-*holp*-protecting us. He's tryi-*ngk*, and for a demon, that's better than you think,” Indyko explained while playing with Calliope's hair.

“...I don't follow,” Calliope looked at Indyko confused as she leaned against them.

“Ok, I read this in a book, but demons don't show empathy, they're practically heartless creatures that literally don't care about anything but themselves,” Indyko held her close.

“Okay, and...?”

“So~ Xvari's showing empathy,” they continued on, “he cares about our well-being, he was going to be paid a large amount of money from my parents…to kill me.” Their voice shook a little bit from saying that out loud.

“Curse those horrible people again,” Calliope growled lowly, venom in every word.

“So to abandon his mission, ultimately trapping himself here for the rest of eternity, just because he wanted to save a life and had a little crush,” Indy pushed on to say. “Now that's uncharacteristic of a demon if you ask me. Not trying to sway you, just…giving you all of the facts.”

Calliope nodded and thought it over. “Huh…well, when you put it that way…still, I dunno if I can trust him. I know it's been a few months, but…”

“No one's asking you to rush things, dear. Take your time.” Indyko leaned over and then smirked as they whispered in her ear, “also, my hiccups are gone.~”

Calliope shivered in her seat, sitting up stiffly. Now she wouldn't be able to think at all for a bit. Nevertheless, she nodded at her partner's words.

Fin~

#minors dni #18+ mdni #minors do not interact #not safe for minors #hiccups #hiccups kink #hic fic #hic fic ocs #hicfic #hicvember2024

5 notes · View notes

drelmurn · 4 months ago

Note

If you're coming from TCW/Rebels/Mando to SWTOR and expecting similar lore, the Mandalorian lore they're using in the game is actually a little different. SWTOR predates the Disney canon reset, so it operates on the old EU/Legends lore that Filoni built on for the TV side of things a while after the game started. And while it added a lot to the history, it's never really 'updated' itself to the current canon version of Mandalorian culture, just taken bits and pieces here and there starting from 7.0 onwards' storyline, and that's a ways out from where you are in the game.

But to answer some of your other questions: them calling the Mand'alor Mandalore is more or less the Basic version of the title, and it's what they add an honorific to. The Mandalore from the Bounty Hunter storyline is Mandalore the Vindicated. If you're heading to Taris you're about to learn a smidge more backstory for him and the game's Mando lore in general, but you get adopted into Mandalore's clan, Clan Lok. I don't know why they never really specified it until... I think the Knights of the Fallen Empire expansion? in passing dialogue with the Mand'alor? It's weird. Anyway. The house system (and the Protectors) is something Filoni created for Rebels a good 6/7 years after SWTOR's base game launched, so they don't use the house system or the Protectors, it's just the clans.

There's absolutely no reason not to headcanon an amalgamation of the Legends/canon lore as you play if you want, though, that's what I do! I didn't mean to infodump and sorry if this came off as condescending or anything, truly just wanted to help!

Haha I figured it was something like that. I saw something that said they don't really change voiced lines in the game. I was going to add something about just how much the fandom had changed in the perception of Mando'ade. A lot of the fanfic writers I follow got pretty into Mandalorian stuff in the Prequel trilogy era (even ones I followed from different fandoms haha), so I'm pretty used to that.

I've gone through the smuggler's storyline up to finishing knights of the fallen empire, so I'd met Torian Cadera. When I saw him while I did the right of passage to get introduced to the black list people, I was sure he was going to be my companion.

Even without that though, it feels janky? Like, me accepting becoming Mandalorians and then not being told anything about the culture or maybe getting like an intro book made it feel very gang like.

On them calling the Mand'alor Mandalore, I get that it's the basic version, but the way they use it is what feels weird. Like for one thing, they sprinkle in a bunch of other Mando'a (another trip pronunciation wise - I wonder if they hadn't settled that yet), so having them use the Basic word feels weird. But it's fine, we're talking in Basic and it doesn't really matter. What I felt was weirder was the fact that they use like a name. You don't go around calling kings "King", it's "King Such-and-such". You can use a style without the name - like "your majesty" or "your highness" - but just the title itself not really? Like, they don't even regularly call him "Mandalore the Vindicated", it's always just Mandalore. Which is weird.

#star wars #swtor #reply

3 notes · View notes

aviculor · 2 months ago

Text

V/H/S/Beyond

The wraparound is a mockumentary about vhs tapes containing proof of alien activity that an anonymous Redditor came across, the footage of which has been digitized and is now being shown to us. I was honestly concerned about how they were going to handle the "sci-fi" theme because some part of me in the back of my mind is always afraid of a repeat of V/H/S: Viral.

I'm not in love with straying from the found footage roots and how crisp and clean the first vignette looks with obvious cinematic cuts, but I'm willing to hear it out. A rash of babynapping has led to a team of cops infiltrating a dilapidated manor infested with zombies.

Well, this is a better Resident Evil than the actual Resident Evil films.

That baby is obviously a dummy, which would have been obscured a little better if this "body cam footage" wasn't quite so 4K high-definition. To be fair though, Dead Meat's new video on V/H/S/94 let it slip that Shudder has guidelines for the look and feel of original content. So that's a pill that just needs to be swallowed.

BIG BIRD!?

So the wraparound is giving lore about the home in the first vignette, interesting. I wonder if that means all of the segments are about...nope, now we're following Indian paparazzi as they hound a movie star with a mysterious past.

Oh, that went from 0 to 100.

This actually has some moments of found footage style, which I was hoping to see. In general, I liked this one more than I thought I would. When we actually got a clear look at Tara's face, it was a lot less mechanical than I expected. I figured we were doing a full T-1000.

Now we got a group of skydivers celebrating their friend's birthday, and this is definitely doing a better job at the notion of being amateur footage by someone fucking around with a camera. Even if the quality is still too "clean".

Oh shit, oh fuck.

Well, once again, the cinematographic vibe got "better" once shit hit the fan.

Oh dear god, I thought he just pulled his cord too late. I didn't know his friend saved him and...oh, god. I don't know what James A. Janisse will think, but that's my pick for Golden Chainsaw right now.

Oh, this is the most gruesome vignette by far, and all of it is completely realistic so far. Besides a UFO causing the plane to crash, I mean.

Now THIS reminds me of the franchise's roots. We did it, chat. We got a slam dunk with this V/H/S film.

Laser beam face and electric wrist needles does seem like a bit of an overkill tbh. I would have been fine with the alien just using its bare hands. You don't need to put in more work to win me over, I promise.

DUDE USE THE FINGERS YOU HAVE LEFT

Oh. now they're getting meta with the commentary.

Next up, we have a group of animal rights extremists infiltrating a doggy day care because they consider the owner's taxidermies to be "mutilated corpses".

Where'd the third one go?

Oh, something "extra special", huh?

Yeah, all the dogs being boarded in a creepy basement that includes her taxidermy station definitely doesn't raise a red flag or two.

Good lord, Tusk wishes it was this.

I'm not sure if I loved how the...umm..."fur babies" looked, especially in the shots where it was obviously just a person since the shots using a puppet made the limb proportions look way different. But the concept behind this entire vignette was horrific in the best way. I was not expecting this film to go the places it has gone. However, I'm not sure "reconstructive surgery to turn people into dogs" actually counts as sci-fi. I was expecting the woman to be an alien in disguise.

Now an intrepid independent reporter is interviewing people who saw lights in the Mojave desert.

I don't know what I'm looking at here, some sort of string instrument-based operating system for a UFO? Nanomachines that heal injuries?

Oh no, if the aliens and animals were put in stasis for the space journey and she's just rawdogging it, what's going to happen?

Getting maimed on the strings and being reconstructed by the nanites that don't have a genetic template for humans so they're filling in the gaps with lizard, octopus, and tarantula. Good lord, I knew they wouldn't go out on a weak note.

Wait, the vignettes weren't the tapes? Then what were we watching this whole time? What are they about to show us??

Whew. Alright. Well, as I said earlier, Live and Let Dive was my favorite segment even thought it did get a little "too much" towards the end.

FUR BABIES WAS MADE BY JUSTIN LONG!? IT ACTUALLY WAS A TUSK REFERENCE!?

#horror #v/h/s #v/h/s/beyond

3 notes · View notes

askbeannuts · 1 year ago

Text

My sister and I spent time talking one day after a rare break from running this new guild of mines. We'd finally setup a temporary base of operations and Pokémon who were eager to help others began to gather there… it was just the challenge of getting these guys around to where they were needed and if we should spend resources on building other bases or maybe just have dedicated teams in some places… I remember the few times my sister and I DID talk, but... it was about "logistics" or something or other… she cared more about how I'd run the Guild than I would sometimes… But today, we talked about the past… about our parents, about more peaceful, fun times when we were kids, but that didn't last too long… We wandered into the times before the Beanstalks were grown and after some hesitation, we finally talked about what happened just before that event and what caused our parents to stay behind. I remembered seeing a legendary Pokémon that all the Heroes seemed to have some vague connection to, like our parents fought them, apparently that nice Espeon and their team also fought them…

Not sure why they all felt so close to someone they seemed to fight with a lot, but that Legendary was Suicune. If I remember that day right… something came up that made that Espeon change course, their team couldn't go and deliver something important because something else happened, but I never heard what it was exactly and Pop didn't want to leave the group escaping from that fog stuff, since he was a guide for everyone at first. They had to rely on Suicune, who showed up, injured, but ready to assist them. I didn't get to hear everything, but one thing my sister and I agreed on was the motivation Suicune had back then… they wanted to do this task to help out the Expedition Society… At first I didn't really remember what happened with them, but thanks to our talk… Suicune took on the task of delivering one of those Beanstalk seeds to the Society, so they could get things together. I can only guess something horrible happened that this needed to be done and no one else could do it. By the time things were in place, everyone was exhausted, I heard not many flying Pokémon were willing to fly through the skies and psychics who could teleport were overexerting themselves as is, we were all running on low by this point, and Suicune was willing to help us. The one thing we both agreed on after this talk was, well, the explosion that caused our parents to leave to fend off that huge dragon… was in the same direction Suicune ran off in. And the Expedition Society never made it to the Skies… Even though I don't expect anyone who joins my guild to risk their lives like that… and even if we're named after Xerneas, maybe I could come up with some way to honor Suicune… Got to think about that for a bit, maybe my sister has some ideas…

An Excerpt from: The Founder's Book: Xerneas Guild

-------

Since I've been a bit quiet with these lore updates... More of these side stories/lore dumps can be found on the Chapters page too! But for things relating to this little excerpt:

< To The Founder's Book: Xerneas Guild

< To Side Story: A Pocket of Time

#Documents Update #The Founder's Book: Xerneas Guild #A Pocket of Time #long post

8 notes · View notes

canyoufucksoniccharacters · 10 months ago

Text

CAN YOU FUCK CHAOS?

... Y'know, the Sonic character. Not the abstract concept. You can't fuck concepts, last I checked. Might be wrong, though.

WARNING: SONIC FRONTIERS SPOILERS. Yes, the game's been out for a bit, but some people haven't played it yet, so be warned- it'll be cited often in this post, as it had some enormous lore drops related to Chaos, the Chao, and the Chaos Emeralds.

Strap in, this is a long one. At least, a bit longer than the usual post.

I would start with age, but that's kind of stupid. We know how long Chaos has been around, we know it's immortal, and we know it's pretty much a deity. Hell, Sonic Channel didn't even try listing an age, it was just listed as ''Unknown" while it was listed. Chronologically speaking, it's been around for over 3000 years. It's also not really been dormant dormant by any means, sure it's spent most of its life sealed inside the Master Emerald, but still seems to be able to come out of the emerald when needed or desired- such as during the events of Sonic Battle, where it came out of the emerald seemingly with the sole purpose of meeting Emerl and requesting a battle with him (At least, it can be interpreted as such, since you get the option to battle or not battle Chaos when you encounter it ingame).

On top of that, it's been implied that it protects the Chao from within the emerald one way or another, so it's about as old as the chronology would imply- although it likely can't physically age, considering the way the Chao life cycle works. If it did age, it would either be a really, really slow aging process, or it would have reincarnated by now, as Chao do once they're old enough. It isn't stated whether it was an adult or a child when it "mutated", but it's never been implied that it was a child, and considering the role of protector it assumes over the Chao of Angel Island, it's likely not a child.

You might say, though- it's still a mutated Chao! Chao are either weird sorta perma-babies, animals, or both, and they probably shouldn't be fucked. And I would maybe agree with you, before Sonic Frontiers came out, buuuut...

Yeah, these guys.

The Chao, as implied by Eggman in Egg Memo 11, are the remnants of the Ancients, after some kind of radiation corroded their DNA for countless years to the point where they turned into what we now know them as. Chaos' mutation seems to be less so a Chao becoming bigger and more powerful, and moreso the remaining DNA of the Ancients being brought back to the forefront and slightly regaining its form, seemingly more in the image of the anthropomorphic animals that now inhabit the world. Even the visible brain was there from the start- although it's hard to see on the adults, likely due to the amount of blur and sepia tone used for the flashbacks of the Ancients. The children have them pretty visible, though! Likely due to background color, amount of blur, etc.

This may seem like a red flag when it comes to Chaos, since the brain is always plainly easily visible, but it's clearly not an intended key feature or anything of the sort, and most likely just a result of the game's artstyle, as the concept art doesn't have the brain visible on any of the different Ancient types.

Interestingly, Chaos doesn't really seem to match any of these one to one- the visual similarity is obvious, and they're confirmed to be related genetically speaking, but Chaos has no pointed shapes on its hips to differentiate gender, and additionally has 2 small tendrils on the sides of its head that resemble the ones on the elders, but are far shorter than what is shown ingame and in the image; and on top of that, it has a short tail, for whatever reason.

Gender-related side tangent aside (it probably has no gender anyways, and it's all the better for it), clearly Chaos shows all the physical maturity needed, but...

Can it consent? Should you fuck Chaos? Is it ethical?

We're not exactly able to resort to our usual methods here, so let's pull out an ancient internet artifact- one that has been referenced and cited plenty of times, and is generally considered to be a good guide as to whether or not you should fuck a fictional being.

Ladies, gentlemen, those in between, and all those not entirely convinced of the societal construct that is the gender binary, I present to you;

The Harkness Test.

Now, aside from the fact that this image is visibly and verifiably old enough that smelling it would probably direct about 500 grams of dust straight into your lungs, it's generally a good guideline without any real holes in it. So, let's go by the boxes one by one- in reverse order, that is. Because it works better for the format.

Is it of sexual maturity for its species?

Although it likely can't reproduce- yes. I mean, this should be obvious by now; there is absolutely no implication that it was a child at the time of its mutation, and it very clearly resembles adult Ancients, as opposed to the children, which lack the long tendrils on both the adult Ancients and Chaos's heads. So, by all accounts, despite its ageless status, it's clearly of sexual maturity for both of the species that could be referenced for it.

Check.

Can it talk or otherwise communicate with language?

Chaos can't talk. Obviously. The Ancients somehow could, despite not having a mouth or lungs or vocal chords or anything of the sort, much like Chaos itself. BUUUUUUT-

This moment from Knuckles' story in Sonic Adventure implies that Tikal is able to communicate directly with Chaos, meaning that on some level, it can communicate and understand language- further reinforced by a later cutscene in the final story, where Tikal talks to Chaos to calm its anger, explaining that the fighting that angered Chaos in the first place is long over, and that the Chao it protected are alive and well, living in peace alongside people.

So, clearly, it can understand words, and it can communicate with some people, so best case scenario you can find a way to directly communicate with Chaos verbally, and worst case scenario you can get Tikal (or uh. her ghost?) to translate for you, although that might be a bit awkward considering it's unlikely that Tikal was an adult when she died, but it's really your only option. She probably knows what sex is anyways, she can be a mediator, doesn't need to get involved past that. Yes this is a very silly hypothetical scenario, but hey, it's there and it could help you out if you wanna fuck this thing.

Check.

Does it have human intelligence (or greater)?

This one is... Complicated. Again, Chaos can't speak directly, and the aforementioned line is all we have to go off of- and it's unclear whether what Tikal said is Chaos's exact wording, or what she gleamed from communicating with it somehow. On top of that, Chaos is strung along quite easily by Eggman; though Eggman loses control of Chaos entirely once it acquires the 7 chaos emeralds, so this could be interpreted as Chaos going along with the plan with full intent to stab Eggman in the back once it has all the power it needs to let out the anger that it's been building for so many years.

So, SA1 doesn't give us too much on this end. In Sonic Battle, though, it's shown fighting with a decent degree of technique, using its stretching properties for some tricky maneuvers, as well as poking its limbs out of the ground. It's definitely a capable fighter, and while it's not a martial artist by any means, there is a degree of technique to what it does, which would make sense considering the Ancients had dedicated warriors which likely had fighting prowess outside of just using mechs.

That's really all we have on that end as far as games go, since the Chaos in Sonic Forces isn't exactly real, and brain size isn't that good of a frame of reference either since the brains of the adult ancients are quite hard to see and blurry- although the size does mostly seem to match up, adjusting for how small the Ancients' heads look compared to Chaos's.

Our only guide from this point on is Sonic Channel artwork, which is non-canon but should still provide a decent enough guideline.

One of these is obviously much more serious than the other- although they both look really nice. The way Chaos is shown kneeling on the left image implies a capability for body language similar to that of people, although the purpose of the pose is quite ambiguous- it could either be accompanying Tikal in whatever ritual is being performed, or be trying to mimic her position, similar to that of a prayer, in a sort of "Monkey see, monkey do" manner.

The right one is obviously completely impossible (I don't think the ancient echidnas knew how to make pizza, let alone make entire diners- although their food probably slapped. Probably.) and is mostly just there to look cute, but it still does show Chaos doing something that requires a large amount of technique. It's cooking! And it seems very good at it, judging by the pizza Tikal is holding. I'd try one, it looks really good! ... Shit, now I'm hungry. Anyways.

These images, although non-canon, do depict Chaos with a level of intelligence similar to that of humans, one more than the other- although it has full freedom to, considering it's the sillier and clearly more for-fun of the two, no matter how hard it's rocking that little chef's outfit. It seems more or less in line with its behavior in the flashbacks and Sonic Battle, with a few creative liberties.

So while it can't talk, it seems to be about even with humans. Think something like Gardevoir and Gallade from Pokemon.

Check.

So, to recap; Is it of sexual maturity for its species? ✅ Can it talk or otherwise communicate with language? ✅ (Though you may need some assistance, ideally from Tikal.) Does it have human intelligence (or greater)? ✅

Chaos passes the Harkness Test.

So, with all this taken into account, we can come to a verdict. I would normally write a conclusion, but this post is long enough as is. And so, the verdict is...

You can, with some effort and maybe a bit of help, fuck Chaos.

I know a lot of you are gonna be very, very happy about this one. Go ham.

#chaos 0 #sonic the hedgehog #sth #status: fuckable

6 notes · View notes

variousqueerthings · 1 year ago

Text

They were both Zygon and human at the same time / I spend an awful lot of time being kidnapped, tortured, shot at and exterminated, doesn't mean I like it

The Zygon Invasion/Inversion -- the Zygons are back and it's a direct continuation to the last Zygon episode, which I'm always a fan of. I think I'm probably slightly affected by not being a big fan of UNIT and this story is very UNIT heavy. I do like Osgood though, I think Osgood and to an extent Kate Stewart are indicators of different kinds of writing women that came around bit by bit in this era. I do think Osgood should be too smart not to doubt UNIT at this point, considering how flipping ineffectual at best they are! Anyway!

I continue down the lane of "not having taken notes for s9 RIP me"

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 10/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 4/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 6/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 6/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 6/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 8/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 9/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 6/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 7/10

FULL RATING: 72/100 (if I can count….)

I think these episodes are quite good -- they're not really for me and the things I enjoy about Doctor Who, but in order to have Osgood I have to watch big spy nonsense unfortunately. EDIT: I do enjoy them more now I've written a bit about them

OBJECTIFICATION: there is, once again, nothing that sticks out. in fact I'm not sure if anything sticks out for the rest of the season? genuinely think we're just good here?? correct me if I'm wrong, again, I really should've taken note RIP

PLOT-POINT: I think there's some interesting back and forth between Clara and her Zygon double, however I do notice that Clara is mostly there to forward her (their?) development, and isn't herself going through an emotional journey in this. there's this bit at the end where she's interacting with the Doctor and she's asking if there was a moment when he thought she was dead, and he says "longest month of my life" and again it's... it's good, but it's not Clara's feelings, it's Clara being there affecting someone else

Osgood, Kate, Zygella, they've all got some trajectory in this, some form of change or confirmation -- Osgood as someone who fundamentally resists violence and who bonded with her other self and continues to have these foundations making her able to work with the Doctor based around his way of doing things, Kate who initially doesn't do that/is very violence based just like in the previous Zygon episode, but is convinced to step away from the box, and Zygella who goes from wanting to destroy humanity to becoming the second Osgood

Clara does a few neat things in the plot, but it doesn't really revolve around her emotional complexity

COMPLEXITY: it's quite a simple plot on the whoooole, but I think there was some needless "now we're in America" stuff in it that I... I just don't enjoy Doctor Who in America, because it always uses America-as-place to piggyback off of genre-type TV that just doesn't feel like Doctor Who to me. the exception to this is Daleks in Manhatten to me, and no, I can't tell you why either. I'm sure if I thought about it I'd have a compelling reasoning, but it's a sleepy day on the whole

but yeah, otherwise. Zygons. they look like humans. they're trying to start a war by making humans lash out against the idea of aliens in their midst and the Doctor talks them out of it. actually I'm not 100% clear on how the Doctor talks them out of it, but the Doctor does talk very eloquently + I appreciate a plot that ultimately isn't solved with violence. I have some questions that may come up in the politics section around Zygon oppression and how the Doctor interacts with that as a scifi concept with very real life underpinnings, but that's not for this section

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: Zygons are still here. uh, UNIT still kinda sucks and a whole bunch of its soldiers got zapped, but also sometimes you come across characters too stupid to live, and honestly at this point that's every soldier in UNIT

the Doctor had a teaser of the idea of Clara dying and wasn't happy about it

COMPANIONS MATTER: Clara does more in this episode! this despite being in a pod for a lot of it! (she also has some great outfits, but that's an aside) (I have clearly got a whole bee in my bonnet about how Clara is dressed as a character, maybe I should make a separate post about it at some point) (but this was great)

Clara inapod! VS Zygon Clara! I quite enjoyed all of that, I enjoyed Clara saving the Doctor's life by using her own smarts, I enjoyed her finding ways to communicate with the Doctor that she was alive, I enjoyed her getting Zygon!Clara to the base. I wish she maybe had a bit more to do after that, but this is a whooole lot more than Clara usually gets in an episode

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: the Doctor gets shit wrong in this episode, Osgood notices things (like Clara being alive) that the Doctor doesn't, there's a whole bit of trial and error, I enjoyed that. it gets a bit more high and mighty at the end with the speech -- full disclosure I'm reading transcripts of the episodes as I go along, because I was silly enough to not take notes in the moment! (always take notes!)

and I do remember watching and going "oh is there something I missed" because the Doctor gets them there, declares that this is wrong, and the Zygon!Clara goes "oh yeah, you're right" and steps back <- it's more complicated speeching than that, but I'm not sure I quite understand the shift that happens in this moment. as a sleight of hand it doesn't quuiiiite work for me, even though I enjoy it

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: there's a whole bunch of references, as is standard with UNIT episodes -- lotta things I don't know yet, because I haven't reached it on my classic!who watch. that's the thing about UNIT. I may not like them much in the writing, but they are a great way to get a treasure trove of past lore references into a story. now make them villains cowards!

“SEXINESS”: again, I cannot recall anything on this front in this episode, and indeed, for the rest of the season. we may. be cured.

INTERNAL WORLD: I know, I know, the Doctor is "president of the world" so they can just fly a jet to New Mexico and then back to London in a jiffy, but I often think DW stretches itself waaay too thin when it tries these "big" spy drama type setups (I feel, btw, similarly unconvinced by that big UNIT avengers tower in the new special, but at least the action isn't actually led by them)

DW just doesn't do this kind of idk. American Action Drama type thing well, nor is that what I watch it for anyway. my suspension of disbelief is ohhhh so close to snapping!

POLITICS: okok so there's a few contrasting thoughts I have here. first of course, we love a story about non-violence, and we love a DW that's about peoplehood, in fact those are amongst some of my favourite. everyone is People. howeeever, this is where we get to the parts of the speechifying I'm not quite onboard with, which is that Zygon!Clara says "we've been treated like cattle"

and the Doctor basically says "so what" not because the episode is saying they should be second-class citizens, but because the Zygons currently have the power to start a war and have a revolution and it'll be bloody and awful and beget more violence, this is something I agree with. where I think there's a bit of a blip, is that I don't think the episode fully deals with the fact that Zygons are second-class citizens in the first place

I mean, firstly, it's not something I actually had much of a sense of was the driving force behind this want for war, but then I'd question the ideas of "Zygons need to stay undercover for the sake of peace" as a sort of "as long as you pass you're welcome" type situation and that is... I mean it's not quite so deep in this episode, but that's the thing, I think it should be that deep or else it comes off a bit weak

if you're dealing with a story about a people who have been oppressed, then the focus of that story can be "Do Not Try To Oppress Others In Turn," but I personally think it also needs to be more cognizant of the oppression in the first place

I think Osgood once again is a great addition to the story, in that she represents a future of co-existence that appears to be based in equality and non-violence -- if it were someone like Kate I would be waaay more wary of what this episode were trying to say at the end, but Kate gets her memory wiped, so we know what the Doctor -- at the end of the day -- thinks about her way of thinking and handling situations (Kate Stewart villain arc When)

but this is still a relatively highly rated point, I think a lot of its heart is in the right place, and although I don't like how UNIT is portrayed, it does seem to be saying "yeah they got it wrong" -- the fact that they continuously choose violence and it's continuously wrong throughout nu!who and the Doctor still works with them, is why I'm scratching my head

FULL RATING: 71/100 (if I can count….)

we're over halfway through the season now and it has been a consistently quite highly rated season. Clara still fails to take a centre stage, which as you know is my main Thing that I'll probably continue to gripe about, but while it did occasionally go a bit too hard on the soldiers and American Location Where We Can Conveniently Situate The Violence at the end of the day UNIT were not in the right

is it just me or is Osgood way more of a Companion type than Clara a lot of the time? I mean I get that she's not a Companion, because she seems to prefer being on earth and helping out there and she's very well-grounded in herself, but she's just so efficient. maybe a bit too fanboy and meta for me to ever have wanted to see her as a full-on Companion, but certainly enjoyable to me every time she's there

#im watching nu!who #im watching capaldi who #the zygon invasion #the zygon inversion #the measurement

8 notes · View notes