#more of an alternate universe but you get the point pfft

[destiny-in-the-universe]

Concepts for the Pokemon x RC9GN AU

Alright, this is officially take two of my attempts to explain this... weird crossover no one asked for!

as for the descendant Randy AU, that's going to be done completely separately so, let's get right on to it!

General Infodump

The Pokemon AU takes place in a fictional region that is supposed to replace Norrisville- and Norrisville is one of the towns of said region, but we start off with our two title leads - Randy and Howard - about to head off on their journey to become Pokemon trainers. Randy's parents are a little bit miffed about it for undisclosed plot reasons, but they don't stop him when he does decide to leave. I like to think the Sorcerer isn't literally a disheveled frog-looking thing but more so something else (brain isn't brain'ing right now-)

McFist and Viceroy are both part of an organization that is a little like, say Team Rocket but with more merit to what they're doing- and are one of the many foes that Randy now has to face, but to add onto all of this-

I literally don't know how to incorporate the Ninja lore into this unless I decided to have the Ninja as this protector of the entire region, instead of just Norrisville. Thinking that the bond between the Ninja and their Pokemon team is going to be more... ahems, magical? No- a word I can't think of right now, fuck English right now

The tengu was either a legendary or mythical bird Pokemon, of course with an element of fire because hello? We can't have anything less, but moving on! The whole thing with the stone still went down though I'm still trying to tie this all together to say the least

Additional Lore Bits

Stanked monsters don't exist in the same way as the RC9GN canon- that's all I got right now to be honest

The group that McFist and Viceroy are a part of- their goals are wanting to use Pokemon as their own personal army, and make them stronger and better in order to take on the Ninja. What they don't realize, however, is that there's actual significance behind the Ninja's appearance (tying this into cultural aspects perhaps? we'll see how this works out later-)

So, how does the Ninja work in this, you ask? I like to think that there were always warriors protecting Norrisville from imminent danger but nothing was ever as strong and dangerous as the Sorcerer. When Finja and his clan came to be, the Sorcerer was utilizing dark relics in order to take over the entire region but of course, like anything- this began going south which led to the intervention from the Norisu 9. Unfortunately, this ended up going extremely dire and Finja was the only one left- no one quite managed to figure out what happened to everyone else but using the feathers of a legendary Pokemon, he managed to create something no one had ever managed to do before

Now to keep this from being too similar to the RC9GN canon, I'm not sure what to do after this- but I still want to reference some stuff honestly? I can't tell you what that is yet, this is all just a prototype idea for now but this is where things get a little interesting...

Finja and the Sorcerer face off in a great battle, and the Sorcerer meets his demise- imprisoned- but Finja is left horrendously weakened and injured, and his fate- for now- will remain undetermined

Skip to modern day, and this is where we're introduced to Randy and Howard, the pair are heading off on their Pokemon trainer journey- Randy wants the glory of being a trainer, but he also just feels he needs to do what's right and getting to face the gym leaders gives him that sensation; Howard is only going because he doesn't want to be alone hahah, he hasn't quite figured out what he wants to do yet

As their journey continues, Randy ends up catching a lot of fighting and fire types, including one that's a poison type while Howard's tend to be a little different- i'm thinking fire at the very least but there are others

i'm going insane trying to write this in a way that actually makes sense, was too focused on finding trainer card templates and now i have to pick their Pokemon and add it to the card-

but okay, let's move on

Character Concepts

Randy Cunningham: 14 years old. Randy's the son of a retired Pokemon trainer, though he knows nothing beyond that- coughs, and his mother's a nurse for Pokemon! He starts his Pokemon trainer journey a little bit late, but he's determined to take on the gym leaders, like it's something he has to do. As he and Howard embark on the adventure, they end up having to deal with a weird... metallic Pokemon, and Randy's kind of losing his marbles (but he also is weirdly ecstatic about the whole thing-). Sometime during this, he encounters an ancient relic which apparently is a book and has everything about how to be a better trainer, how to fight with your team, all of it. The author's not written anywhere in it but he eventually gets the hang of it- even if he constantly misinterprets the lessons and takes twice as long to figure it out.

The deal with this kid is he's extremely impulsive and likes to blindly rush at danger- also the fact he immediately jumps to conclusions when something happens, because he'll accidentally warp the lessons into something that benefits him. Though, his bond with his team continues to strengthen- and if he happens to accidentally realize exactly how he can utilize this to his advantage, well, let's just say something interesting is going to happen. (my current plan is that he create a link with the Pokemon and active their powers for him to be able to use as well-)

Howard Weinerman: Howard is around the same age as Randy. He's not very interested in a lot of things- but he despises being alone and decides to tag on Randy's trainer journey with him, embarking on the strangest adventure he's ever had. Unlike Randy, however, he only seems to care about things that benefit him which isn't entirely the case as he seems to also worry about Randy's safety- especially with the amount of times that his friend just blindly gets into a fight with their enemies. Howard is exceptionally stubborn, though at the end of the day, he manages to do what's right too- albeit a little reluctantly.

And yes, I'm going to link him to the tengu- things might work out a little bit differently in this version for obvious reasons, but I will manage a way for it to work.

Debbie Kang: Debbie Kang is one of the other Pokemon trainers that accompanies Randy and Howard on their journey- unlike the boys, she's not trying to take on the gym leaders and seems more interested in becoming a reporter, attempting to grab the latest scoop on things happening around the region. Unfortunately, she gets involved in the current ploy McFist and Viceroy are doing- and, well, Debbie has no idea what she's getting into and she and her liepard are about to uncover something much bigger is happening. She happens to be relentless in her endeavors, preferring the sense of danger but needing to reel herself back in or risk endangering the entire party. [Details are still pending]

Theresa Fowler: On the other hand, we have Theresa- unlike Debbie, who's completely willing to throw herself into a path of danger for a scoop, Theresa is a little more cautious. She worries constantly about her friends, not wanting to see them get hurt and sometimes acts as the voice of reason (Debbie can be, but she also wants to expose McFist and Viceroy, and that gets in the way at times-). She frets a lot, but she also is a good fighter and will intervene if the rest of her team is injured.

I like to consider these four as the title characters, and that the other Norrisville High students are more in the background- although I'm also trying to figure something out with Julian.

Undeveloped Ideas

The Nomicon is an ancient relic- as mentioned before, it's a training tool for the current Ninja, or whatever adjacent theme is being followed; unlike the canon, however, the book has more of a connection with the user and can interact with them even via dreams and has a human form (though this isn't something that happens too often-). [Details still pending!]

Tengu - Legendary Pokemon/Fire Type. The tengu was always more of a neutral party in all of this, but things changed... and this led to certain events taking place- even before Finja managed to infuse the tengu's feathers into... something.

Shadow Warrior's Temple - central theme to the storyline. details still in the works- potentially some of the things from it will be used by Randy, but this is about as far as I got.

Unfortunately, this is most what I have- the idea came to me out of nowhere and I need to develop it more because this sounds and looks like garbled nonsense- I kind of would like some thoughts on it-? Though this isn't inherently necessarily at the same time-

I'm going to be fleshing this out eventually, just please be patient! Because apparently, I don't know when to quit-

I'm kind of more excited for building the Pokemon teams than the lore though hahaha

[ramblingoak]

Swiss's Cookies

Mushy May in Lucifer's Hollow: Day 16 - Cooking a Special Recipe

Swiss x Phantom (and Sunshine as the world's worst baking assistant)

This fic is set in an alternate universe in a town called Lucifer's Hollow. It's sort of like a Satanic version of a Hallmark town. For Mushy May I'll be using the prompts to post little snippets of life for the humans and ghouls that live there 💙 Thank you to @forlorn-crows for putting Mushy May together!

~ In Lucifer's Hollow Swiss teaches physical education at the local high school and Phantom owns a bakery called Sweets and Treats ~

Warnings: lots of banter, some cursing, sfw, 1k words (thank you to @ghuleh-recs for the dividers!)

“Don’t you think it’s weird baking something for a baker?”

“The only thing that’s weird here is your utter lack of faith in me.”  Sunshine flashed Swiss an exaggerated pout that had the multi-ghoul narrowing his eyes.  “Shut up and give me a cup of sugar.”

“Oh I have faith in you, Swiss.  Faith that you’ve never baked anything in your life.”

“I watched my mom make this hundreds of times.”  He threw the sugar in and began to mix the ingredients together.  “This recipe was important to her.  Passed down fro—“

“‘His father and his father’s father and his—’“  She yelped when an egg was thrown her way, barely dodging it.  Both of the ghouls watched as it hit the tile, yolk and shell flying every which way.  “I’m telling Mountain that you wasted an egg.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”  Swiss threw a rag next and pointed at the mess when Sunshine chose to catch the projectile this time.  “Be a dear and clean this up.”

“Is this how you treat your students?  No wonder Copia has gotten Teacher of the Year twice.”

“I’m gonna make you run laps on Monday if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

“Pfft, like you could make me do anything.”  Sunshine looked up at Swiss from where she was kneeling on the floor cleaning the egg.  “Well, except for this.”

“We’ll see what happens Monday.”  Swiss hissed when Sunshine flicked his tail as she walked by to the trash can but he kept his eyes on the counter.  “Ok!  Time for the oven.”

“What are they supposed to be again?”

“Cookies.”  When Sunshine continued to give them a skeptical look he shoved her out of the way to get the tray to the oven.  “Just you wait, these are magic.”

“Not any kind of magic I’ve seen before.”  She ignored Swiss cursing at her in Ghoulish and swiped a finger through the bowl that had the leftover batter.  As soon as it hit her tongue she made a face and leaned over the sink to spit it out.  “Or tasted.  Satan’s dick Swiss, are you sure this was your mom’s recipe?”

“Of course I’m sure!”  He pushed her to get a taste himself, freezing as soon as did.  Sunshine watched him, waiting for him to react the same but beyond wrinkling his nose a bit he remained still.  “It just needs to be baked.”

“I don’t think baking is going to save this.”

“Oh I’m sorry, did you get a degree in baking when I wasn’t looking?”

“No, but I can tell when something is absolute shit.”

“Say my mom’s cookies are shit one more fucking time.”

“Swisstopher, your mom’s cookies are shi–oh I’m going to scratch your eyes out!” 

Sunshine’s threat was made through a mouthful of flour Swiss had thrown at her and the ghoulette immediately tackled her friend to the ground.  Their claws clacked against the tile as they scrambled around, Sunshine soon laughing in triumph when she managed to get Swiss in a headlock.  She was in the middle of belting out an old Ghoulish victory song when a throat clearing from the doorway had them both freezing in place.

“Um.”  Phantom’s eyes darted from the pair to the state the rest of Swiss’s kitchen was in.  “I can come back.”

“No!  No, wait.  Lucifer’s balls Sunny, let me go.”  The multi-ghoul shoved his friend away and scrambled to his feet.  He slipped briefly in some sugar before managing to steady himself in front of his boyfriend.  “Hey cupcake.”

Phantom’s cheeks flamed immediately at the nickname just like they always did when Swiss used it.  They both ignored the gagging noises Sunshine made while they exchanged a kiss.  As soon as Phantom pulled away he made a face and swiped a hand across his lips.

“Ugh, what is that?”

“I’m making you cookies!”  Swiss’s grin was infectious but Phantom still had to head over to the sink and get a glass of water.  “Sunshine was here trying to sabotage me.”

“If by sabotage you mean give you huge amounts of moral support then sure.”  The ghoulette got to her feet, throwing a glare Swiss’s way before starting to brush the flour off her clothes.  “You owe me a shirt dickhead.”

“I’ll get you a new shirt as soon as you give me five laps around the gym.”

While the two continued to snipe at each other Phantom was busy looking over the mess they had made.  Swiss had been texting him all day about a surprise he was working on and Phantom had been so excited to see it he even closed his bakery a little early.  But this...he slid a claw into the mixing bowl and placed it against his tongue, immediately regretting it.  He scanned his purple eyes over the kitchen again before they finally stopped on a bag laying on its side, white granules spilling onto the floor.

“Swiss, how much of this did you use?”

Swiss looked over, wincing when he got a faceful of chocolate chips from Sunshine.

“A cup.”  He grabbed the paper the recipe was written on and handed it to Phantom.  “My mom had one cup of sugar listed.”

“This is salt.”

Sunshine immediately covered her mouth with her hands, shaking her head when Swiss whipped his head her way.

“I said a cup of sugar!”

“I thought that was sugar!”  She began backing away as Swiss advanced on her.  “This isn’t my fault.”

“You ruined my mom’s cookies!”

“You’re the big cookie expert, you should have noticed it was salt!”

Their voices drifted off as they disappeared further into the house, Ghoulish curses and crashing sounds occasionally hitting Phantom’s ears.  He looked back down at the recipe in his hand, smiling at the little hearts at the top around the words “Swiss’s Cookies”.  Making an easy decision he set the paper down on a clean part of the counter and began gathering ingredients.

Luckily for Swiss he was dating a cookie expert.

If you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list (or if I accidentally left your name off) of this fic or any of my others please leave a comment or send me a dm! Thank you 💙

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More fics in the Tales From Lucifer's Hollow masterpost

[suffarustuffaru]

hello. its day 6 of rezero s3 fanweek (Alternate Universe / Absence / “No one would blame you.”) and so i have dug up more ancient texts (my old artwork) and BEHOLD. spiderman otto au jumpscare from three years ago (there was some lore attached to it so ill say a few bullet points of what lore i remember under the cut if you want) (includes a small drabble so ig that also counts for extra fanweek material?)

very very VERY loose marvel inspired au where otto is A spiderman and frederica was black cat (…yellow. cat. golden cat? gold cat? anyway.) and subaru is a deadpool esque figure (and secretly a former avenger ahahahahah and totally not contracted with echidna ahhaha dont worry about it). emilia was probably vaguely frozone from the incredibles / captain america inspired.

otto got his powers from a radioactive spider bite like most spiderpeople but he did that on purpose. to himself. (he was already a mutant of sorts who could talk to animals.) his little brother is totally not dead/missing due to mysterious circumstances and he is totally not a corporate employee for big shady government (russell fellow) and definitely not a vigilante in his free time. and that suit is definitely not sentimental to him or anything.

also he accidentally gains a new little brother ???????????????? anyway thats the main gist of this au that i still remember

ALSO I MADE A WHOLE SPIDERVERSE-ESQUE INTRO FOR HIM YEARS AGO here you can have it. I was gonna draw it all but as you can see i didnt finish it pfft so have it in text form instead !!

Let’s do this one last time.

My name is Otto Suwen. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for the past six months, I’ve been the one and only Green Lynx.

And—And I’m named that because of the green lynx spider, not because I-I’m a lynx cat! I sewed web patterns into this outfit, alright?! I’ve put so much time, effort, and money into this! This design had to be perfect…

Anyway, I think you can guess the rest. Saved the city, talked more cats out of trees, helped save the city again, got new glasses—they were free, by the way, they just needed some… fixing… broke my back on patrol once, got shit on by birds, they said it was an accident, I ran into several buildings, my cape got caught under a car once, twice, maybe three times, made some terrible money decisions, don’t ever invest in oil—aha, that’s just my luck.

But don’t worry! I handle it all very, very well. I just don’t do friends anymore. (kicks away letters from his family) (ghosts messages from his family) I needed to focus more on my career, you know? I can’t afford to get distracted by anything.

(insert ending where he proceeds to get distracted by something, probably like him going back to his apartment and OOP WHY IS THERE A FERAL CAT OF A TEENAGER IN HERE)

Like I said. (insert panicked speech bubbles of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA from both garf and otto) I don’t get distracted by anything.

[brianfallingwithstyle]

Happy 5th Anniversary, Alternate Reality Show!

Hard to believe it’s already been five years since Lightbulb and Test Tube built themselves a new reality. It warms my heart to see how much this episode has resonated. I know I often find myself coming back to it, and that’s without the aid of a time machine!

Here’s some fun facts about this episode to celebrate!

Alternate titles included...

Lightbulb’s Curious Venture through Time (and Not Really Space)

Baxter the Future

What Makes You Tick

Back to the Drawing Board

A new time travel adventure is first foreshadowed in S2E1 when Fan asks Marshmallow why she doesn’t ever use her time machine anymore

January 2015 is when I started the earliest rough draft I can find for the episode

The earliest version of the story kickstarted with Fan and Test Tube asking Marshmallow to borrow her time machine so they could research Cobs. Marshmallow wouldn’t give hers away due to concerns about universe-destroying paradoxes... and she also liked how it looked next to her other remotes. This prompts Fan to say...

Fan: *sigh* I guess you'll have to make your own, Test Tube.  And it's gonna take at least five minutes.  Five minutes I can't ever get back. Test Tube: ONCE I FINISH YOU CAN. Fan and Test Tube: *in unison* AAAAAAAAAAA!

At one point, Taco secretly tagged along on the journey to the past

Another version of Paintbrush was originally going to be in the alternate timeline. This one would act a lot more like Lightbulb! Perfect, right? Alas, no...

Some of the Infinity contestants were voiced by our wonderful Kickstarter backers!

The Just Like Me reprise was nearly cut from the episode, but saved via a last-minute addition to the credits

It originally would have played during the end of the elimination, but there was too much onscreen action and dialogue for it all to blend together!

We didn’t record Michael saying “pfft!” as Lightbulb so that’s actually me

[whattraintracks]

Thoughts from "Reality Check" and "Across the Universe"

Ah yes, the fun filler episodes before "Same As It—PSYCH! You've been bamboozled!! Because Mikey and Raph seemed like they were having a good time, but, also, they almost died? Multiple times??

I know Mikey calls them the teenage mutant super turtles, but they seemed older? I don't know, they had adult vibes. Maybe that was just because they seemed so cold to Mikey. Gosh, how devastating it must have been for Mike to be face to face with these distortions of his brothers, his oldest and only playmates, except these versions don't know him and aren't even willing to engage with him.

Pfft, he looked so disappointed when alternate Casey said, "violence is rarely the answer." Not even bummed, more offended like, 'Dude, I can't believe you just said that. I thought we were friends.'

On a happier note, he'd be thrilled to know there's a universe with a statue of him. Wait, actually, since he's a battle nexus champ, he has a statue at the nexus, doesn't he? Good for him.

My working theory is that the Time Scepter sent the turtles somewhere related to their recent environment/what was on their mind. The turtles get hit with that beam, and it goes, hmm, what are you thinking about? Superheroes? Fast bikes? Yeah, I can work with that. Intrigued to know what Donny was working on that led to SAINW. Leo goes to Usagi's universe, right? Haha, bet he was thinking about his crush while practicing with his katana. Bonus points if he was using the sword Usagi got him for Christmas.

I don't know if the phase shift was painful (a la Across the Spiderverse). It didn't seem to be, but it must have been terrifying, especially when it happened while Raph was trying to operate a massive vehicle.

Holy heck, Raph was straight-up blackmailed by a couple adults into competing in a death race. And then had to be the adult a few times to get him and Falcon out of mortal peril and say, 'Hey, maybe let's not leave our fellow competitors to die.' Yeesh.

Now I'm just. Imagining Raph retelling everything that went down with the Planet Racers. He's focusing on how wicked the race was and raving about the specs on the bike, and then someone—probably Splinter or April—says softly but also very concerned, 'Sweetie, that wasn't a good situation. You could've gotten really hurt. Those adults shouldn't have treated you like that.' And he's all, 'Yeah, uhuh, sure, and did I tell you about the GIANT WORM!' Because, initially, he thinks they're overreacting, but as he sits with it and cracks open his emotions about the whole situation, he realises, um yeah, that was kind of terrifying, and they wouldn't take no for an answer, and all I wanted to do was get home but they wouldn't let me and. . . yeah, I probably,,, should've expected this reaction to a Raph-centric episode

[heather-ouo]

A dream’s disguise pt 2

Fu Hua x HoC! GN! Reader

things to remind

(h/c) - your hair colour

(y/n) - your name

Kancho - captain

——————————————————————————————————

part 1, part 3 (end), alternative end

——————————————————————————————————

“ Kancho! The Overseer would like to talk to you about the strategic plan in the meeting room! ”

“ I will be there in a few minutes, thanks. ”

The Valkyrie nodded as the red haired male got up from desk then looked out the window, the sky was half red. It wouldn't be long till the last Herrscher descended to erase humanity again. Kancho let out a sigh before grabbing his cap and heading out to the meeting room.

*knock* *knock*

“ Come in! ”

Kancho opens the door to find the Leader Of Anti-Entropy, Kaslana’s ancient grandpa, some frontline leaders, Theresa the overseer and You.

“ Ah Kancho! Please, go ahead and find yourself somewhere to sit (y/n) will tell us her part of the plan. ”

“ My plan is to use The Selene to weaken her as much as it can and Theresa if you may, can you use Elysion Pedion right before The End tries to leave? ”

“ I could do that but.. what about you? ”

“ Pfft.. do you forgot what i'm made of?

Indeed not many people know what you were made of even if people know they will forget it, Theresa sighs in relief as the others share their point of view and ideas.

——— two hours-ish? before the battlefield 

“ Honkai god… you maniac. ”

“ Wasn’t destroying the last era enough for you?! “

Here you are, forced to kneel before the god that once bring your soul into this body, the living nightmare of Humanity, The Honkai god, in the last era you were forced to watch alongside the god as The End destroys humanity except The fire moths who survived.

“ … ”

“ Originally I brought you down to the earth to enlighten the boredom for me and the imaginary tree. It seems I made a wrong choice… do i need to remind you Outlander? ”

The god speak the last words sharply 

“ On another hand… if you manage to win again The End i can fulfill that question you asked in the last era. ”

“ Yet on the second hand.. if you lose against The End or get your core destroyed ‘ She ’ can take this body back, but the higher ups won’t be happy about this. ”

*sigh..*

“ As the god that humanity hates, I only allow this time and no more. ”

Right after the god finishes you are no longer in the white void nor the gravity pressure that forces you to kneel on the ground, the (h/c) gets up then heads off to somewhere.

——————-

Everyone has prepared themselves for the upcoming enemy or you could say the last threat to humanity, red and black-ish has fully covered the sky but the Herrscher was nowhere to be seen.

“ Uh… did the last Herrscher delay or what? ”

A random Valkyrie frontline leader asked, the (h/c) knows something is up…. You search and try to remember the information in your past life about the Herrschers, who was HotE..?

A click sound went through your mind… The HotE.. WAS THE REAL KIANA! You quickly turn to see the crowds of Valkyrie to find Durandal who seems to be uncomfortable and was holding her head.

“ EVERYONE MOVE OUT OF THE WAY AND BE ON YOUR GUARD! THE HERRSCHER HAS ALREADY DESCENDED!! ”

The (h/c) teleported to Durandal’s side without a second thought you magically pull HotE’s consciousness out of her body and the moment you do that, the consciousness floats to the opposite side then it starts to gather honkai energy.

And now.. the war has started.

( forgive me, I don’t know how to write an war scene ;w; )

. . . Back

 . . With

  . Hua from pt 1

“ There’s so much to do now! ”

“ No freaking outbreak and no need to face that god, old timer… say when are you two gonna get married- ”

You suddenly spit hot tea on Senti’s face while Fu Hua calmly sips tea like that old man across a parallel universe.

“ HOT!! HOT!! HOT!! ”

“ OH GOD OF HONKAI SENTI IM SORRY! ”

“ WHERE’S THE COLD WATER?! ”

Running out of choice the (h/c) activates HoI’s core and grabs Senti’s face. Thanks to the core your hands start to chill up, cooling down Senti’s face after a minute or two Senti loses feeling in her cheeks.

“ (y-y/n) i think that’s enough… I can't feel my cheeks. ”

You remove your hands away.

“ Oh… uh.. sorry about spitting the tea on your face? ;w; ”

“ It's not like The greatest Herrscher can't be hurt by that hot tea! ”

“ Yes yes, you are the greatest Herrscher..”

Normal peaceful day until Senti wants a wedding between Fu hua and you, sips in the last bit of tea she put down the cup.

“ Senti. ”

“ What. ”

“ You are grounded and no scamming people for five months. ”

“ l did nothing wrong! Why are you grounding me??? ”

Fu Hua pulls out a cloth hanger out of nowhere and gently pat it on her left hand with a calm smile on her face and the next thing you know Senti disappears.

“ That’s a little harsh don’t you think hua? ”

“ No, sometimes she just needs some discipline. ”

You can’t help but nod in agreement.

The bluish-purplish haired girl looks out of the window, the red and black-ish sky illusion is still there..  and you, your body is kind of transparent with a black and white core in the centre of your body.

Now she thinks of it.. what really happened in the war?

You were in the frontline fighting against the last Herrscher then… she blacked out and She woke up in a hospital diagnosis with amnesia.

Fu Hua wishes this isn’t a dream but the longer she stays with you the longer she can’t help to think what Welt said to her on the other day. Something is wrong and you aren’t the same one she knows, gathering up her courage she asks the question that’s been in her head.

“ (Y/n)… you put everyone into a dream didn’t you? ”

——————————————————————————————————

Part 1, part 3 (end), alternative end

——————————————————————————————————

Tagging people

@azukaaa

[felassan]

Some DA trivia and dev commentary from Twitter

There’s a lot of different tweets, so I’m just pasting and linking to the source rather than screencapping them all or making several different posts or something. Post under cut for length.

User: Was dragon age 2 your favourite in the franchise?

David Gaider: DA2 was the project where my writing team was firing on all cylinders, and they wrote like the wind- because they had to! Second draft? Pfft. Plot reviews? Pfft. I was so proud of what we all accomplished in such a brief time. I didn't think it was possible. [source] DA2 is, however, also where the goal posts kept moving. Things kept getting cut, even while we worked. I had to write that dialogue where Orsino turned even if you sided with him, because his boss battle had been cut and there was no time to fix the plot. A real WTF moment. >:( [source]

Mike Rousseau: I remember bugging that! And then being told it wasn't a bug, and being so confused. Doing QA for DA2 was an experience. Trial by fire. [source]

DG: So I think it's safe to say DA2 is my favorite entry in the DA franchise and also the sort of thing I never want to live through ever again. Mixed feelings galore. [source]

User: (I personally blame whoever it was for ruining most romance arcs in other games for me; they don't live up to Fenris's romance storyline)

DG: I wrote Fenris, so uh - me, I guess? Or maybe his cinematic designer, who put in the puppy dog eyes. [source]

User: If DA2 had just been an expansion, do you think it would have been better received? There was a lot of great stuff in there, and I think my initial dislike of it was because of the zone reuse. If it hadn't needed to be a full game, would that issue not have arisen?

DG: Hard to say. It was either going to be an over-scoped expansion or an under-scoped sequel. If it had stayed an expansion, it might never have received the resources/push it DID get. [source]

User: I'd love to visit the universe where you had an extra year or so to work on it. You did a very good job as it stands, but it definitely had rough edges. Not just the writing team either. The whole game had hit and miss moments, that just a little more dev time could have fixed.

DG: On one hand, DA2 existed to fill a hole in the release schedule. More time was never in the cards. DA2 was originally planned as an expansion! On the other, if we had more time, would we have started doing that thing where we second guess/iterate ourselves into mediocrity? [shrug emoji] [source] 

Jennifer Hepler: This is what I love about DA2. Personally, I greatly prefer something that's rough and raw and sincere to something that's had all the soul polished out of it. Extra time would have helped for art and levels, but it would have lost something too. [source]

DG: Right? I think we could have used some time for peer reviews (and fewer cuts), but I think the rawness of the writing lent a certain spark that we usually polished out. [source]

JH: Definitely. I think the structure (more character-driven) and the tightness of the timeframe let each individual writer's voice really come through. Polish can be very homogenizing. [source]

DG: I should add I'm not, by any means, against iteration. Some iteration is good and necessary. The problem that BioWare often had is that we never knew when to stop. Like a goldfish, we would fill the space given to us by constantly re-iterating on things that were "good enough". [source]

Patrick Weekes: I appreciate your incredibly diplomatic use of the past tense on "had". :D [source]

User: DA2 was my gateway into the series and I’m so happy it is. I love the game the way that it is. It’s one of my favorites of all time. But I am also aware of everything that was said here. If it were remastered, do you think it would change?

DG: I'd be surprised if it was ever remastered. If it was, do you really think they'd change things? Do remasters do that? No idea. [source]

User: Both sides got undercut as I recall. Didn't that whole sequence also end with the mage leader embracing blood magic? It was very much "a plague on both your houses" moment, at least for me.

DG: Yep. Orsino was supposed to have his own version of Meredith's end battle, which only happened if you sided with the templars. That got cut, but the team still wanted to use the model we'd made for him. So... that happened. [source]

DG: I would personally say that DA2 is a fantastic game hidden under a mountain of compromises, cut corners, and tight deadlines. If you can see past all that, you'll see a fantastic game. I don't doubt, however, that it's very difficult for most to do that. [source]

PW: I love DAI with all my selfish "I worked on this" heart, but DA2's follower arcs and relationships are probably my favorite in the series. [source]

User: As I've expressed many times, I love the game, especially it's writing and characters but, for me, the most impressive aspect of it, in consideration of it's lack of time for drafts and revisions, is the 2nd act with Arishok.  What amazingly complex character and fantastic duel

User: Just played it again and I have to agree. Though he is bound by the harsher tenants of the Qun, he makes valid points about free marcher society. Though it is obvious that he and Hawke will come to blows eventually, the tension builds gradually and understandably

DG: Luke did such a fantastic job with the Arishok I found myself sometimes wishing the Qunari plot had just been THE plot. [source]

User: What do you think would have changed, story wise, if you had more time for DA2?

DG: I would have taken out that thing where Meredith gets the idol. It was forced on me because she needed to be "super-powered" with red lyrium for her final battle. Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that. [source]

User: I deeply lament that there wasn't/couldn't be some sort of DA2 equivalent of Throne of Bhaal's Ascension mod.

DG: I'd have done it, if DA2 had allowed for anything but the most rudimentary of modding. ;) [source]

User: I mean, and I think I understand where you were trying, but how much legitimacy did the Templars and her as top Templar have after they're keeping the mages locked up against their will in the old slave quarters? Feel free to not reply.

DG: I think it's the kind of discussion which requires nuance, and which discussions on the Internet are not prone to. [source]

User: Was a compromise that the quest lines don’t branch? It felt like it was supposed to be that way but then you end up in the same place later regardless of what you pick. Like I hoodwinked the templars so good to help the apostates escape but in Act II they were caught anyway.

DG: I remember us having a lot more branching in the initial planning yes. Most of this got trimmed out in the first or second wave of cuts, in an effort to not cut the plots altogether. [source]

DG: "If you could Zack Snyder DA2, what would you change?" Wow. I'm willing to bet Mark or Mike (or anyone else on the team) would give very different answers than me, but it's enough to give a sober man pause, because that was THE Project of Multiple Regrets. [source] I mean, it's the most hypothetical of hypotheticals. It's never gonna happen. I wouldn't be surprised if EA considered DA2 its embarrassing red-headed stepchild. We'd also need to ignore that in many ways DA2 was as good as it was bad BECAUSE of how it was made. But that aside? [source] First, either restore the progressive changes to Kirkwall we'd planned over the passing of in-game years or reduce the time between acts to months instead of years... which, in hindsight, probably should have been done as soon as the progressive stuff was cut. [source] I'm sure you're like "get rid of repeated levels!" ...but I don't care about that. All I wanted was for Kirkwall to feel like a bigger city. Way more crowded. More alive! Fewer blood mages. [source] I'd want to restore the plot where a mage Hawke came THIS close to becoming an abomination. An entire story spent trapped in one's own head while trapped on the edge of possession. Why? Because Hawke is the only mage who apparently never struggles with this. It was a hard cut. [source]

User: I would LOVE to hear more details about this! I don’t suppose there’s any chance of a short story?

DG: I don't even remember the details of the story, sorry. There was a fight, and you caught the bad guy and then realized none of it was real and woke up idk [source]

DG: I'd want to restore all those alternate lines we cut, meaning people forget they'd met you. Or that they knew you were a mage. Or, oh god, that maybe they'd romanced you in DAO. So much carnage. [source] I'd want to restore the Act 3 plots we cut only because they were worked on too late, but which would have made the buildup to the mage/templar clash less sudden. Though I don't remember what they were, now. Some never got beyond being index cards posted on the wall. [grimace emoji] [source] As I mentioned elsewhere, I'd want to restore Orsino's end battle so he wouldn't need to turn on you even if you sided with him. And I'd want an end fight with the templars that didn't require Meredith to have red lyrium and go full Tetsuo. [source] Heck, maybe an end decision where you sided with neither the mages nor the templars. Because it certainly ended up feeling like you could brand both sides as batshit pretty legitimately, no? That was never planned, tho. No idea how to make that feel like an actual path atm. [source] Maybe an option to go "umm, Anders... what are you DOING?" 👀 [source] And, of course, a Varric romance, because Mary took that "slimy car salesman" character we'd planned and did the impossible with him. I can feel Mary glaring at me for even suggesting this, tho. [source] Lastly, the original expanded opening to the game which allowed you to spend time with Bethany and Carver BEFORE the darkspawn attacked. And, um, that's about it off the top of my head. Zack Snyder, WHAT PANDORA'S BOX HAVE YOU OPENED. [source] Shit, I remembered two more things: 1) Restore the "Varric exaggerates the heck out of the story" at the beginning of every Act, until Cassandra calls him on it. Yes, that was a thing. 2) Make DA: Exodus. Yes, I am still bitter. [source] God damn it, I meant "Make DA: Exalted March". The DA2 expansion, NOT Exodus since that was DA2's original name and makes no sense. Because the expansion ended with Varric dying, and that will always be on my "things left undone" list. [source]

User: Whaaaat?

DG: Well, you know that scene in Wrath of Khan where Spock goes into the dilithium chamber because he's a Vulcan? Well, imagine that but with Varric and red lyrium and because he's a dwarf. ;) [source]

John Epler: I distinctly remember referencing the bit from MGS4 where you crawl through the microwave corridor in the split screen, while cinematic battle rages on the other half. [source]

DG: It would have been glorious, John. Glorious. [source]

JE: I don't think I've ever been so certain what a shot should look like as I did Hawke coming in and finding Varric in the broken throne, just like when he was telling Cassandra his story. [source]

DG: It would have come full circle! Auggghh, it still kills me. [source]

User: Lord, you folks are a little too good at this.

JE: The true secret behind videogame narrative is knowing how to make yourself seem a lot more clever than you actually are. [source] 'Oh, we TOTALLY planned that.' [source]

User: Ok, this thread [the DA2 regrets thread, which is the big chunks above] but Inquisition.

DG: My regrets about Inquisition are, more or less, the normal kind. Nothing so dramatic, I'm afraid. [source]

User: You can keep your Varric romance, I want a Flemeth romance goddamnit!

DG: I would allow for one flirt option, and then a recording of Kate Mulgrew laughing for three minutes straight. [source]

User: I had a hypothesis about the repetitive caves in DA2. They're repetitive because it's Varric telling the story and he didn't consider them important.  They're like sets in a play.  (Okay, I really suspect it was a time/money/resources thing but I like my fake explanation better.)

DG: Hang a lampshade on it, maybe? Cassandra: "But that's the exact cave you were in last time?" Varric: "Whatever. They all look the same, I'm not THAT kind of dwarf. Can we move on?" [source]

User: that makes sense, hypothetically to make Varric romanceable and keep his arc—that had to happen for the main plot—I imagine you would have to make double the content (or more)? which would've been a tall order given the time/budget constraints the game was under

DG: Right. When it comes to "romance arc" vs. "follower story arc", we generally only had time to do one or the other. Never both. Romancing Varric would have meant not getting the story of his that you did. [source]

Mary Kirby: The one exaggeration I really, REALLY wanted, that we never got to do was Varric narrating his own death scene with Hawke weeping over him, then cutting to Cassandra's pissed off glaring at him. [source]

DG: Haha! The one I wanted was Varric's plot where he takes on the baddies single-handedly, sliding across the floor like Jet Lee, action movie-style, until finally Cassandra gets irritated and he has to admit Hawke & the rest of the party showed up to help. [source]

MK: We did that one! (He didn't do any Jet Lee moves, though.) Jepler gave him letterboxing to get The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly showdown vibes while he shot a ton of mooks single-handed. [source]

DG: Wow. Shows how much I remember. [source]

JE: I found it! I remember seeing this sequence as my treat for doing a bunch of much more challenging work. It was fun to see how far I could push our limited library of animations. [link] [source]

DG: Heh awesome. I could have sworn it was cut, honestly. I think I was even in that meeting. [source]

User: no disrespect but that’s surprising and rich of Mary “Hard in Hightown” Kirby to think DA2 shouldn’t have had a Varric romance when she wrote an entire book of Varric’s self-insert character pining over his Hawke insert character… HIH is the reason we had VHawke Summer 2018

DG: I can't *really* speak for Mary, or how she feels about it now compared to back then. I only know how she felt about it back then, and I'm not sure it was as much the concept of the romance but that Varric's entire story would be bent to "romance arc" ...a very different thing. [source]

JH: I remember pushing to have the first DLC start with Hawke having an option to ask Varric, "Did you tell Cassandra about us?" and if you picked it, Varric would answer, "Of course not, baby. I told her you were sleeping with X..." and then proceed as if you had had a full romance. [source]

DG: I still wonder how that would have gone over. x) [source]

JE: Okay, one more DA2 thing. Putting together the cinematics for this scene was a blast. [link] [source]

MK: These lines are my greatest legacy. I want "Make sure the world knows I died... at Chateau Haine!" inscribed on my tombstone. [source]

JE: I was so glad no one said 'no' to the crane shot. [source]

MK: It needs that crane shot. It's the perfect icing on that cake made from solid cheese. [source]

DG: The designers were all "we need more combat" and I think we were all "I think you underestimate just HOW interesting we can make this dinner party". [source]

JE: And finally. I think @SherylChee wrote the one-liner. I think we had a collection of like, 20. [link] [source]

Sheryl Chee: Yeah! Something like that! I remember submitted a whole bunch and Frank said you only needed one. Wish I'd kept the other fifteen. [source]

JE: A random chooser where, each time through the scene, you get a different one-liner. [source]

JE: DA2 is the project I'm the proudest of. I also absolutely get that it didn't land for a lot of people. But I don't think it's inaccurate to say that, in a lot of ways, DA2 defined my career. [source]  Everyone spent a year working at their maximum ability. I was a fresh cinematic designer and was given all of Varric's content, as well as the Act 1 Finale mission. It was a lot for someone who had been doing the Cinematics thing for literally 6 months. [source]  There's some stuff in there I can't look at without wincing. And there's some stuff I'm genuinely proud of. Not to mention, it was my introduction to most of the writing team. Several of whom I'm still working with today! Albeit in a different capacity [source] Also, weirdly, one of my most enduring memories of Dragon Age 2 is how much Bad Company 2 we'd play at lunch. It was a LOT. [source] Every game I've worked on has a game I played attached to it. ME2 is Borderlands. DA2 is Bad Company 2. DAI is DayZ. I, hmm. There's a progression there. I don't know how I feel about it. [source]

User: Is DA4 going to be tarkov then?

JE: I've kind of churned out of Tarkov for now. Probably Hunt Showdown, at least right now. [source]

User: I think people also don't take nuance into consideration -- like I FULLY acknowledge the flaws in my favorite games and will openly criticize them, but that doesn't mean they're not my favorite games anymore??? You can like and thing and still be critical of it.

JE: A lot of my favourite shit is deeply flawed! I acknowledge it and I think it's interesting to dissect the flaws. [source]

User: I still wish Justice was an actual character in DA2 rather than a plot point.

DG: There was a moment during DAI where we *almost* put in you running into Justice with the Grey Wardens, and he's all "Kirkwall? I never went to Kirkwall" [source]

User: Does that imply that Justice was shoehorned in to DA2?

DG: Nah, it was an in-joke where we thought it'd be fun to suggest that "Justice" was simply some demon that tricked Anders in DA2. Wooo those tricky demons! We didn't do it, though. [source]

User: [about templars]  except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves [source]

User: Can you shed some light for us on how DA was able to do multiple same-sex romance options for different genders but the Mass Effect team treated them like the plague? What process existed for your team that just wasn't their for the other tentpole franchise?

DG: Different people making the decisions, almost different cultures. I don't know what it's like now, but for many years the Mass Effect team and the Dragon Age team were almost like two different studios working within the same building. [source]

User: It truly boggles the mind. Kudos for doing demonstrably better on consistent queer representation than the ME teams. Y'all never needed us to make petitions to try to get the studio's attention and ask them to do better by us. That's the fight we're once again embroiled in now.

DG: Honestly, I don't feel like tut-tutting the Mass Effect team. They did their part, and if they were a bit later to the show than the DA team they certainly did more than almost every other game out there -- and willingly. [source]

Updates begin here

User: So what was the reason for naming Dragon age 2 "Dragon age II" and not using a subtitle?

DG: As I recall, that was purely a publisher decision. I think they wanted to avoid the impression it was an expansion. [source]

User: Is there no chance of ever remaking DA2 under better circumstances? -Somehow remove the repetitiveness of gameplay by making changes and updating the tech and adding much more to the storyline. It could almost be a new very exciting game.

DG: I'd say there's zero chance of that. Let's keep our hopes up for the next DA title instead. [source]

User: I am a little confused here, help me out here please! How exactly was the cut boss battle with Orsino supposed to work out? How it would've kept him from turning against the player?

DG: It means that, if you sided with the templars, the entire boss bottle at the end would have been against Orsino and the mages. No fight against Meredith. The end decision would have been more divergent. [source]

User: I do remember that one of the reasons going around for that, was that resources were going to the transition to Frostbite. I'm still not fully sold on that having been a good choice. I felt that more time should have been given for that transition considering it was made for FPSs

DG: We didn't transition to Frostbite until DAI. Given our time frame for DA2, I don't think we *could* have transitioned to a new engine. [source]

User: Since your talking about the what could have been for DA2. Could you say what your script was for Anthem? Cause I remember reading that you wrote the plot on that game.

DG: I created a setting for Anthem and scripted out a plot - but, as I understand it, almost none of that ended up being used. So it's a bit pointless to talk about what I'd planned, as that'd be for some completely different type of game. [source]

User: [in reference to the exchange above where DG said “Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that.” re: Meredith] except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves. [source]

If I missed a tweet, got the wrong source link or included a tweet twice, feel free to let me know and I’ll correct.

Edit / Update: Post update 22nd April

[khaleesiofalicante]

“Mom!” Alec hissed.

His mother didn’t turn back.

“Mooooom,” he called her again – and this time she turned back. “I want to go home."

“Alec, we just got here!” his mother said incredulously as they checked their coats into the coakroom.

The guy in the cloakroom gave Alec a token for their coats.

Jesus Fucking Christ. What kind of house has a cloakroom?

His mother was right. They had barely been here for 10 minutes. But Alec already wanted to leave.

“I’m feeling sick,” Alec said. “I should go back home.”

He coughed awkwardly. He was a decent liar.

“What’s wrong?” his mother looked momentarily concerned.

“Uh,” Alec said, not prepared at all. “I got my period.”

Yeah, so that ‘decent liar’ bit might have been an exaggeration.

“Alec,” his mother sighed. “You think I want to do this? This family is one of our largest donors to the university. As the dean, I have to be here. So do you.”

Alec groaned.

As the president of the queer alliance at Idris University, Alec knew he had to talk to people to get the funding they needed. But Alec hated people and he hated talking. He wished Lily or Maia were here instead.

“I know you have your own ways,” his mother said through her teeth as she smiled at one of the guests who was waving at her. “But you need their support. It’s how the game is played.”

“I hate playing the game,” Alec said through his teeth as he cheerily waved at one of the lecturers.

“You know the rules,” she turned to him and adjusted his bowtie. “Just smile and play nice.”

“But-”

“Be charming ,” she interrupted. “That's how fundraising works.”

Alec pouted and then gave her tight nod.

“Albert!” she shouted at one of the guests and made her way towards the old man.

Alec was about to let out a dramatic sigh when a waiter emerged from nowhere.

“Champagne, sir?”

“Thank you,” Alec picked up the flute. “Damn, this is heavy.”

“Crystal, sir,” the waiter pointed.

Alec’s hands suddenly felt very sweaty. He wiped them clumsily on his suit jacket and held the champagne flute carefully.

Another waiter emerged upon him, holding a tray of hors d’oeuvres.

“What’s that?” Alec pointed at the tray.

“Caviar, sir,” the waiter replied.

“Is that cinnamon?” Alec asked at the sprinkled dust on top of the caviar thingies.

If it was cinnamon, he could maybe eat it and have an instant allergic reaction.

Then maybe his mother would let him go home. He hoped.

“Not cinnamon, sir,” the waiter said as Alec took one and popped into his mouth. “It’s edible gold.”

“What?” Alec asked, his mouth full of caviar.

And gold apparently.

“It’s a caviar and crème fraîche tartlet,” the waiter announced in a surprisingly perfect French accent. “Topped with edible gold.”

“You are telling me this is gold?” Alec asked, chewing the food self-consciously. “I’m eating actual gold?”

“Uh, yes sir,” the waiter said awkwardly.

“But why?” Alec demanded, chewing his food angrily now. “Does it improve the taste?”

“No, sir,” the waiter looked embarrassed. “It’s…pretty.”

Alec looked around in disbelief as the waiter made his escape.

Here he was trying to find a couple of thousand dollars to raise funds for his alliance and these people were sprinkling gold on their food for aesthetic.

“Fuck the rich,” Alec muttered.

“Pardon?” someone said from behind him.

Ah, shit! Alec really hoped it was not one of the professors at the university – or worse, one of the donors.

But when he turned around, it was neither.

It was in fact the most beautiful man Alec had ever seen.

“Uh,” Alec said eloquently.

“You were saying something about fucking the rich,” the man smiled. “If it’s a cult, I’m very much interested.”

“Not a cult,” Alec clarified – when he managed to find his voice. Jesus! “Just a personal motto of mine.”

“Very interesting motto you have there…”

“Alec,” he finished. “Alexander.”

Why did he say his full name? He never did that. Alec could be such a weirdo in front of gorgeous men.

“Nice to meet you, Alexander,” the other man said, and Alec’s momentary regret vanished instantly.

He suddenly loved his name. Maybe a little too much.

“I’m Magnus,” the man held out a hand and Alec shook it – and hoped his palm wasn’t as sweaty as before. “Are you here to donate?”

“Pfft,” Alec couldn’t help but snort. “Right. Cause these people need more money.”

“Don’t roll your eyes at charity, Alexander,” Magnus chided. “It’s not very gentlemanly of you.”

“What’s this charity for anyway?” Alec asked, because he hadn’t even bothered to ask his mom and spent the whole drive here complaining about the university budget allocations instead.

“The rowing club,” Magnus replied.

“The rowing club?” Alec demanded angrily.

They were a bunch of elite dude bros and were the last people that needed charity.

“They are hoping to purchase new equipment,” Magnus pointed out.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Alec complained. “They don’t even need a fundraiser. They can afford that shit in so many other ways. Like ask them sell one of their Rolexes or Lamborghinis. Charity is for people who don’t have alternatives.”

Magnus blinked and Alec realized he had lost his cool a little.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “It’s just…it isn’t fair.”

“The rowing club boys are right there,” Magnus whispered as he pointed at the buffet. “They might hear you and think you are jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” Alec replied. “I’m outraged that we live in a society that prioritizes the needs of the marginalized over the wants of the privileged.”

Usually this was the point when the other person would give him an awkward smile and escaped immediately from Alec’s boring rants.

But Magnus didn’t look awkward or bored. In fact, his lips curved a little as he gestured Alec to one of the banquet tables.

“Tell me more,” Magnus said as he sat down.

Alec wasn’t really sure what to say. He wasn’t used to reaching this stage of the conversation.

“Fancy new rowing equipment is a want. They can live without their latest gadget and just make do with the equipment they have,” Alec elaborated. “But the safety of queer youth in our university is definitely a need. It’s not something they should have to compromise.”

“The safety of the queer youth?” Magnus frowned. “How are they at risk?”

“There has been increased reporting of cyber bullying by queer students at the university,” Alec sighed. “Our existing reporting mechanisms don’t work.”

“Well, they could complain to HR and-”

“Magnus, when has HR got anything done?” Alec asked.

Magnus frowned again.

“Our data shows that over 60% of the victims of cyber bullying at the university are not only queer, but also people of colour,” Alec elabored. “So, these attacks are racially motivated too.”

“Why isn’t the university doing anything about it?” Magnus demanded, now sounding angry too. “The dean-”

“She is doing the best she can,” Alec intervened – because he knew that to be true. “We have a zero tolerance policy and that works at campus. But on social media..Well, that’s a whole other thing, isn’t it? You can’t really control what other people say or do.”

Magnus frowned again.

Alec realized that he liked it better when the other man smiled. Maybe he was as boring and depressing as everyone said.

“So, what do we do?” Magnus asked.

“We?” Alec blinked.

“I’m a student at the university too,” Magnus said. “Well, I just transferred from London. But still. As a bisexual man and a person of color, I need to be a part of this.”

Alec was beyond happy that someone understood the importance of his cause. It was hard enough to find people who supported the alliance.

But instead of thanking Magnus for his support, Alec’s mouth said “You’re bisexual?”

“And part-Indonesian,” Magnus replied. “So, what do we do, Alexander?”

Alec blinked. “Well, uh, the alliance has been trying to create an app that provides counseling support for queer youth who face bullying online. We can’t really completely get rid of the bullying. That might never happen. But the least we can do is give support for the victims, right?”

Magnus smiled. And yeah, Alec definitely liked it better.

“That’s an excellent idea,” Magnus said.

“Well, it’s just an idea,” Alec shrugged. “We still need to find the funding.”

“Well, why haven’t you?” Magnus asked.

“Because the donors obviously have other priorities,” Alec rolled his eyes, gesturing at the party.

“Oh,” Magnus said.

“But I think if we steal a plate of those caviar thingies, we might be able to scrap off the gold dust and gather a few hundred dollars,” Alec joked.

But Magnus didn’t laugh. Instead he leaped off his chair, ran towards the stage and grabbed the mic.

First of all, why was there a stage? Second of all, what was Magnus doing?

Third of all, who was he? Was he performer for the fundraiser or something?

He did have a really nice voice, Alec noted to himself. Among other nice things.

“Excuse me, everyone!” Magnus called into the mic and everyone turned their attention to him. “I’m Magnus Bane. My father and I are absolutely thrilled to have you at our home this evening.”

Alec, who was sipping on his champagne, most certainly did not choke at that. This was…Magnus’ home?

He was the biggest donor to the university? Or his father was…But whatever.

Alec’s ‘fuck the rich’ motto seemed a little too ironic - maybe even appropriate - right now.

“As the captain of the rowing team,” Magnus said, and Alec did not choke again. “I’ve just heard word from my brothers that there has been a change of plans.”

The rowing club, still standing by the buffet and hogging all the food, looked very confused.

“The rowing club has officially decided to throw a car wash at the university,” Magnus announced and the crowd started whispering around.

“Dude, isn’t that what chicks do?” one of the dude bros laughed.

“Exactly, Chad!” Magnus yelled. “We will be raising money and dismantling the patriarchy at the same time. It’s a win-win!”

A loud cheer went through the room but some people still looked confused.

“But what about the fundraiser?” a woman who was wearing too many pearly necklaces asked. “Are we not making donations today?”

“Yes, we are Mrs. Morgenstern,” Magnus winked at her. “But all donations from today’s event will go the queer alliance of the Idris University. They are raising money to fund an app to provide psychosocial support to victims of cyber bullying.”

Alec noticed his mother turn to look at him in disbelief. Alec shrugged helplessly.

“Is it really necessary though?” an old man from one of the tables asked and Alec had half a mind to dump his champagne on the man’s head. “Can’t they just have one of those support groups where they sit in a circle and talk to each other?”

“They are victims of targeted harassment, Mr. Starkweather,” Magnus replied politely. “They need support that is consistent, reliable and professional. It seems rather unfair to ask victims to support themselves instead of providing them with the required resources.”

“But aren’t they asking for too much?” a blonde woman asked.

“The app will ensure their safety and mental health. They are asking for the bare minimum,” Magnus answered, and Alec noticed the flash of anger in his eyes.

“But if the problem is cyber bullying,” another man in a suit demanded. “Why can’t we just ask them to stay off the internet?”

“Because that would be homophobic,” Magnus said through gritted teeth - but still smiling. Alec knew that look. “The queer students are not the problem. The internet is not at fault either. It’s people and their privilege. It’s people and their inability to treat others with respect – online and offline. These are students. We can’t restrict their access to the internet. For many queer youth, the internet is the only place that is safe enough to express themselves without fear or judgment. So, instead of asking them to stay off the internet, maybe we should consider asking the bullies and homophobes to practice basic human decency.”

“Damn, son!” someone whistled impressively.

Alec knew that whistle. He was going to hug the hell out of his mother later.

There was a moment of silence in the room, then a man approached the stage and pulled Magnus into a hug.

“What an excellent idea, Magnus!” the man who looked very much like Magnus beamed.

“It’s not my idea,” Magnus said. “All the credit goes to the alliance.”

“Well, I can’t wait to meet this alliance!” Mr. Bane nodded in approval. “Ladies and Gentlemen! What a fine cause! What an important change in action! Allow me to be the first to support these brave and inspiring group of young people.”

“Thank you, Bapa!” Magnus smiled sweetly. “It’s so wonderful to see you supporting this cause. This is going to go viral on the internet.”

The moment Magnus said the words viral and internet, multiple guests got off their seats and started heading towards the donations table.

“He knows how to play the game,” Alec's mother said as she walked up to him. “He would make a fine addition to your alliance, Alec. You should ask him to join.”

“I will. He is bisexual,” Alec replied.

“He is also very handsome,” his mother pointed out innocently.

“Don't even!” Alec pointed a finger at her as she chuckled and joined the crowd.

By the end of the night, the fundraiser had gatherd thrice the amount the alliance needed to create the app.

“So…” he said as he approached Magnus. “I wanted to say thank you.”

“I was wondering maybe you could say it on Saturday,” Magnus suggested.

“Saturday?” Alec raised an eyebrow.

“The car wash, Alexander!” Magnus pouted. “I was here for your fundraiser. It’s only fair that you come for mine.”

“Well, that depends,” Alec said. “Will you be wearing a bikini?”

“Nah,” Magnus chuckled. “I was hoping to go shirtless.”

“In that case, you’ll definitely see me there,” Alec said seriously.

He didn’t even have a car. But he could always egg Jace’s car and take it.

“You want to get out of here?” Magnus asked, pointing at the crowd.

“Uh, isn’t this like your party or something?” Alec asked. “Shouldn’t you be here to entertain the guests?”

Magnus looked around and shrugged. “Fuck the rich.”

Alec couldn’t help but grin at that. He took Magnus’ hand as they ran towards the garden.

Fuck the rich indeed.

- For @radisv​ for being amazing. Always. Happy Birthday. ILY!

[captnjacksparrow]

Who's hornier? NaruHina stans or SasuSaku stans? 😂 I think it's a toss up, both seem unhealthily obsessed with Naruto and Sasuke screwing their respective wives.

I'd have to give a bit of an edge to NH stans I think given Hinata's character which is just "Oversexualized, Meek, Obsessive, Big Breasted, waifu". More horny stan bait imo. Although she seems to have had a breast reduction in Boruto. But that doesn't erase how sexualized she was since she was 12.

Oh Boy!!!! 🤭🤭🤭🤭

You are very mistaken and extremely naive, anon!!!

The most Thirsty, Horny and Cringy stans are definitely from ThathuThaku.... Ahem... S*suS*ku Fandom.

Yes, I agree with Hinata being sexualized as a Meek and Big-Breasted waifu. But it's all from Anime's side. This is very evident from the way her Seiyuu dubbed her voice like an Hentai Heroine. Also, after episode 479, you could see her costume got upgraded into a tightly fitted one as compared to the loosly fitted sweat shirt she wore throughout Part 2.

However, In the Manga, Kishi never sexualized her. I find her to be very bland and boring with no striking personality.

I've seen many NH stans meta posts and short posts. All of them were lies and delusions but atleast I have to sincerely appreciate them for cooking up delusion based only on 'How Hinata was the first person to understand Naruto?', 'How Hinata was an angel to Naruto!!' or something along those lines.

However when it comes to ThathuThaku write ups, Man, it was not only lies and delusions but it was full of Thirst.

I'll show you how their write-ups are. Keep you Tissues ready to stop those invisible bleeding from your eyes.

Thirstyyyy write up No.1

Seriously????

Did Sasuke really thought that Sakura was gonna hug him, at that time???

The only person Sasuke almost hugged in that scene was Naruto... Even then, if Naruto charges at him like how Sakura does in the picture, will we ever delude ourselves to write like this???

Why is it always about physical touches for them, anyways??

Let's look at another one

Thirstierrrr write up No.2

Look at their word choice...

Look at their lies and delusions.....

They morphed this panel to make it look like Sasuke was EYE-SMEXING at her. When in Reality, Sasuke’s face was revealed only after Naruto enters the scene. I mean, this is the face reveal of Sasuke in Part 2 for the first time. Before this Scene, his face was always shown with some dark undertones to provide some mysteriousness. Throughout his conversation with Sai, we never knew how Sasuke looked like. 

But anyways, SS went so far to calculate the time between Sakura’s arrival  page (chapter 306 page 8) and Naruto’s dramatic tripping, getting back up, running and reaching the scene (page 12)..... Like they literally claim Sasuke was Eye-Smexing at her for 4 pages.... Whereas Kishi never bothered to reveal his face until Page 14. And after Naruto and Sasuke was seen staring at each other for 4 pages.

Added to lies and delusions, their write-ups are so thirsty, Man!!! They even concoct stories like Sasuke wore that Man-Whore costume in Orochimaru Lair just to flex before Sakura... LOL...

And there is this write-up,

They claim that, Since Sasuke being very receptive towards her touches, he unknowingly started to love her from this point... Pfft...

In the very same write up

They went so low by saying that Sasuke totally fell in love with her at this scene because she gives him a 'certain' warmth and Sasuke was very receptive...😒😒😒

And then this..

This is just an Anime only scene!!! It wasn't in the Boruto movie or in the Manga... But look at their Level of Thirst....

Say for example, If there is an Alternate Universe where SNS is a couple and adopt a little kid... Won't we treasure that kid??? Whereas SS treats Sarada like a pest... I just feel sorry for that Girl, to be honest.

So, yup.... Just like Sakura was very thirsty to peek at Sasuke's dick and felt dejected when Sasuke took off his arms from her shoulders, her rabid stans are also following their Kweens footsteps... Their posts are always about 'Touches', 'Eye-Smex', 'Sasuke comes home tonight and will have smex with Sakura'.... 'Since Sasuke lost his Rinnegan, he will stay in the village and make another baby with Sakura'.... Oh!!! Puhhlease!!!

They are the fandom who once enraged about Sasuke having just one arms. Because he couldn't fu*k Sakura properly🤢🤢🤮🤮.

So, The Most Horny stans in Naruto Fandom are undeniably from SS, imo.

[zap-apple-cookbook]

Thinking About Equestria

Dash: You ever think about how there's a tiny horse version of you in an alternate universe?

Applejack: No, not really.

Dash: Really?

Applejack: What's the point? Ain't gonna prune the orchard or feed the hens.

Dash: Aw c'mon! What could they be doing right now with their little horsie hands right now?

Applejack: Horses have hooves, genius.

Dash: Horse Twilight told me that I've just got cool wings all the time, and I'm the fastest around.

Applejack: Could she fly up and get my rake from the barn loft?

Dash: Pfft, I can do that. *ponies up and in instant returns with Applejack's rake*

Applejack: Thank yah kindly.

Dash: Do you think she's as gay as me?

Applejack: Couldn't tell yah.

Dash: Do you think they're together?

Applejack: Huh?

Dash: Like us? You know...

Applejack: Probably.

Dash: You think so?

Applejack: Considering you've got your wings all the time, you're probably impossible to get rid of.

Dash: Applejaaaaaack!

Applejack: Fine, fine, if it's anything like our world, we're probably together because we're too stupid for anyone else.

Dash: Ouch. C'mon, I mean, why do you think we're together?

Applejack: Gimme a second, you just kinda sprung this up on me... I think it's because, you make me excited for the next day.

Dash: Aww, you really like seeing these leggings don'tcha? *winks*

Applejack: I ain't gonna say no. Horse Applejack probably would say the same... except I think Princess Twilight told me they don't normally wear clothes.

Dash: Oh yeah, we'd be naked all the time. Nice.

Applejack: *blushes* A-anywho, I feel like, you make my life exciting, but in a way that I want to experience it with you. I love simple farm life. I could be happy with this... but it's a lot better with you taking me out on hikes and stuff.

Dash: Aww.

Applejack: Alright, your turn. You made me do it, now it's your turn.

Dash: Oh jeez, uh, you're the hottest girl ever.

Applejack: Dash.

Dash: I mean it!

Applejack: *blushing* Well, thank you, but that's more "Lust" than love.

Dash: Heck, uhh, I like how you make me feel safe?

Applejack: Safe, huh?

Dash: I dunno... it's like, uh. I feel weird telling the other girls that I'm scared.

Applejack: Dash, you still feel weird telling me that you're scared.

Dash: Yeah, but at least I tell you. You make it easy to tell you what I'm feeling... Also you have nice comfy arms.

*Applejack flexes her biceps as she works*

Dash: Gosh, that's so hot.

Applejack: Eheh, okay falling back into "Lust".

Dash: But yeah... sometimes I try to say stuff to Fluttershy and I just. I don't know if I don't know how to say it right or if she just doesn't get what I'm saying.

Applejack: Probably both.

Dash: She's good at making me feel better sometimes, but I just don't feel like we understand each other?

Applejack: Y'all feel like your talking at each other and not to each other.

Dash: Yeah! You get it. It feels like we flow together a lot.

Applejack: Reckon not liking each other at first might've helped.

Dash: Wait, you didn't like me at first?

Applejack: You liked me at first?

Dash: Heck yeah, you're super hot!

Applejack: Gosh darn it. Why were you always picking on me?

Dash: I didn't know I was gay! So I was really confused and stupid, mostly stupid. I didn't know you could just like girls.

Applejack: Mmm, I mean, I didn't really know that either, but I didn't go around making fun of people because of it.

Dash: Yeah, you're right.

*Dash takes hold of Applejack's hands and intertwines her fingers between Applejack's*

Dash: But hey, somehow we got it right.

Applejack: Yeah.

*Applejack leans in to kiss Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash happily returns it*

Dash: You think they get in stupid fights and make up like us?

Applejack: Probably, but I don't think they kiss and make up as good as we do.

Dash: Hmm, maybe we should practice our kissing and making up some more to be sure.

Applejack: Hehe, I think you might be on to something.

*And then they practiced all day long*

[stormyoceans]

[VICE VERSA episode 5 parts 3&4]

“You must only be happy, Talay” UGHUGHUGH

“Only for five minutes” LIAR, YOU WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY ALWAYS

I’d complain about Talay rejecting the hug but again, I think he’s doing it to protect himself

Talay: “I’m cold” Puen: “cool, here’s a drink made of snow”

WAIT IT ONLY TOOK TWO WEEKS TO SHOOT /AND/ MARKET THE FILM?? WHAT THE FUCK???

That poor fucking guy who came back only to lose everything dear to him

Talay’s like “oh god that’s right I swapped with the worst possible person”

“Pakorn might destroy your acting career” Puen: *shrug*

I’m actually surprised Puen didn’t quit being an actor at the end since he didn’t seem particularly attached to the job–plus as his husband Talay wouldn’t get any damn privacy

STOP T-POSING WHILE THE BIKE IS GOING!!!!

That dark suit looks soooo good on Jimmy, holy shit

“She’s my type” Don’t say that in front of your bf Up wtf

Puen is nervous, CUTE

Talay comforting him, CUTE!!!

I’m glad the camera focused on Up and Aou in the theater too since, y’know, it’s /their/ movie and /their/ dream too

I can’t help but go “pfft” and their deflated reaction to the meh reviews because while I understand you want your movie to succeed, they’re first-time screenwriters, just be glad your movie didn’t bomb and learn from your mistakes

Also the movie’s been out for like ten seconds, give it a while

Also Aou is right, what matters is that your art connects to even one person and I’m sure the worst movies out there do

Love that the mall is literally just called “The Mall” adklfdlk

I was alone in a theater for a movie once and it was heavennnnn (it was Jojo Rabbit which did NOT deserve an empty theater)

T&P pick themselves up only for U&A to go “we quit actually”

I don’t really have anything to say about the last five minutes akdfjksdl I’ll leave that to you <3

“You must only be happy, Talay” UGHUGHUGH <<<<< WHEN I TELL YOU IT’S BEEN MONTHS AND THIS LINE STILL HAUNTS ME IN MY SLEEP LIKE I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IS IT ABOUT IT THAT MAKES ME CRAZY BUT IT DOES!!!!!!!! HE WANTS TALAY TO ONLY BE HAPPY!!!!!!!! AND NOT HAVE ANY DISLIKES!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S SO STUPIDLY ROMANTIC TO ME IM THROWING MY WHOLE ASS SELF OUT OF THE WINDOW

I’d complain about Talay rejecting the hug but again, I think he’s doing it to protect himself <<<<< yeah at this point talay is still very unsure about puen’s intentions, so he keeps taking a step back. it’s also why episode 7 is gonna be very important and the fact that people completely overlook it just because it has a lot of product placements it’s gonna be my villain origin story

Talay: “I’m cold” Puen: “cool, here’s a drink made of snow” <<<<< THE WAY PUEN DID THAT JUST TO HAVE THE EXCUSE TO HUG TALAY AGAIN HE’S SUCH A MISCHIEVOUS LITTLE GREMLIN

WAIT IT ONLY TOOK TWO WEEKS TO SHOOT /AND/ MARKET THE FILM?? WHAT THE FUCK??? <<<<< LITERALLY THE BIGGEST MYSTERY IN THE SHOW it throws me off every single time too. i guess maybe it was a short film??? or time also moves differently in the alternate universe????

That poor fucking guy who came back only to lose everything dear to him <<<<< don’t mind me im just killing tess with my mind rn

I’m actually surprised Puen didn’t quit being an actor at the end since he didn’t seem particularly attached to the job–plus as his husband Talay wouldn’t get any damn privacy <<<<< i can’t remember if you watched episode 12 as well…… anyway, just to be safe im not going to spoiler you too much, but they do say that after a while puen starts to work behind the camera as a screenwriter way more than as an actor

STOP T-POSING WHILE THE BIKE IS GOING!!!! <<<<< puen has been such a bad influence for talay SAFETY FIRST KIDS NEVER FORGET THAT

That dark suit looks soooo good on Jimmy, holy shit <<<<< I CANNOT AGREE MORE AND THE TURTLENECK WAS SUCH A GOOD CHOICE TOO

“She’s my type” Don’t say that in front of your bf Up wtf <<<<< SFKDSGFKJSDGFDKJ TRYING NOT TO SAY ANYTHING IS KILLING ME

Talay comforting him, CUTE!!! <<<<< TALAY HOLDING PUEN'S HAND AND TELLING HIM THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS THEY'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH IT TOGETHER!!!!! THE CARE THE TENDERNESS THE DEVOTION THE UNDERSTANDING THE COMFORT THE FRIENDSHIP THE LOVE IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

I’m glad the camera focused on Up and Aou in the theater too since, y’know, it’s /their/ movie and /their/ dream too <<<<< people can say anything about this show but it would have been so easy for them to just not bother with the secondary characters since they're gonna remain in the alternate universe and not be part of puen and talay's life anymore instead they took the time to give them depth and screentime and i guess you can add this to the endless list of reasons why i love vice versa

I can’t help but go “pfft” and their deflated reaction to the meh reviews because while I understand you want your movie to succeed, they’re first-time screenwriters, just be glad your movie didn’t bomb and learn from your mistakes <<<<< the movie industry (just like the publishing one) is so hard that i also feel like it was kinda naive of them to expect to be successful on their first try, but i do understand how bad it feels to have something you have worked on and put a lot of effort in be so easily disregarded (especially for up and aou who already experienced their script being rejected before)

Love that the mall is literally just called “The Mall” adklfdlk <<<<< I SWEAR ALL THE DETAILS IN THIS SHOW ARE SO GOOD AND FUNNY

I was alone in a theater for a movie once and it was heavennnnn (it was Jojo Rabbit which did NOT deserve an empty theater) <<<<< HOW DID JOJO RABBIT OF ALL MOVIES GOT AN EMPTY THEATER WHAT THE F--

I don’t really have anything to say about the last five minutes akdfjksdl I’ll leave that to you <3 <<<<< ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THAT IT’S ONLY EPISODE 5 AND YET PUEN IS READY TO MOVE IN WITH TALAY AND MARRY HIM AND SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH HIM MY BOY IS SO GONE LIKE LOVE AND LIGHT TO EVERYONE WHO CAN FEEL NORMAL WHILE WATCHING THIS SHOW BUT THEY HAVE ME OPERATING ON A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF REALITY I COULD FIGHT GOD RN

[sadoeuphemist]

Alternative Conspiracy Theories:

1. CURVED SPACE

The Earth is flat, but the curvature of spacetime is so extreme as to make it appear rounded. This accounts for many of those niggling little issues that pop up when considering a Flat Earth, such as why ships seem to disappear below the horizon, or why you can see further from up high.

The repercussions of Curved Space are not to be underestimated. Consider: perhaps no stars exist other than the sun, and what we perceive to be stars are in fact the sun’s light traveling out in all directions along the curvature of the universe (which, if it is not uniform, allows for some rays of light to travel further, many hundreds of thousands of light years further than others), finally curving back to reach us again at different intervals as multiple images of the same star at various points in its life.

(Red giants and supernovae are where the light had to travel for so long that it’s older now. Binary stars are two different images of the sun superimposed where space curves in on itself. You can’t catch me napping! I’ve thought this all out!)

2. MANY MOONS

This theory was first conceived in inquiry to why a Flat Earth still appears to cast a rounded shadow across the moon. In fact, what we call the moon is really multiple different celestial objects, one resembling the full moon, one the crescent moon, one the gibbous, and so on. These various bodies orbit the Earth like comets, in long elliptical paths that coincide such that only one of them is near enough to be visible from Earth at any given time.

Uncommon lunar events, such as the blood moon, supermoon, etc., are unique celestial bodies of their own, and it is the Great Work of moonwatchers to compile a comprehensive accounting of all the different moon-like objects that have ever appeared in the sky. While Many Moon believers generally accept the validity of the moon landings, they also believe that human beings have only ever successfully landed on moons # 2, 4, and 5.

3. GEOCENTRICISM 2.0

According to the Theory of Relativity all motion is relative, and so it makes just as much sense to model the Earth as a stationary object with the sun and moon revolving around it, and all the other planets in their epicycles around the sun.

Why not? You think our current model of the solar system is valid? Pfft! I bet you still think Mercator maps are what the world really looks like. The sun isn’t even stationary, it’s moving through the universe, and so to keep with your outdated heliocentric model we’d have to imagine all the other planets spiraling after it in helices - how’s a geocentric model any more complicated than that?

It would be more intuitive! We’re the observers here on Earth, we’re stationary, from our perspective the sun and moon move across the sky. C’mon! Ptolemy had it right. Instead of a solar system, we should all be taught about our geo system! It’s all perfectly reasonable, right?

Okay, I guess technically, yes, there is a conspiracy. It does say on the website that the current solar system model is being propagated by a “cabal of postmodernist astronomers” looking to deliberately “devalue the significance of humanity in the cosmos”. But it’s true! They are! Just look at how much sense the geocentric model makes, and we’re yet still stuck revolving around the sun? Open your eyes! What explanation is there other than that?

4. IMPOSTOR SUN

Theories as to what happened to the original sun:

still there, light drowned out by impostor

chemicals in food / water led to buildup in retinal cells that filter out natural sunlight

glitch in simulation

Earth drifted slowly out of orbit, replacement was deployed

hidden from us behind the moon in perpetual eclipse

needs further blood sacrifices to be restored in strength

replaced “sometime during the night”

5. ACCELERATING EARTH

The Earth is held in the gravitational orbit of the sun. Gravity is acceleration—this is basic physics. Let something drop and it’ll keep going faster until it hits the ground or hits terminal velocity. Air resistance. There is no air resistance in space. The Earth is, has been, in constant acceleration. Freefall. It’s going faster now than it’s ever been before. 

You feel it, don’t you? In the pit of your stomach? Earth is going faster. It’s fucking up the atmosphere, the climate. We’re going so fast that we must be blazing like a meteor now. No, you can’t tell how long a year is anymore. You can’t trust the seasons. Seasons are based on axial tilt, not orbit. We’re askew. The calendar is lying to us. You can’t count the days. The days are getting longer - seriously. Moon’s leaching momentum from the Earth’s rotation. You can look this up, scientists will tell you. A billion years ago, days used to go by fast.

The Earth is going faster, but no one is admitting it. We’re still going by the calendar while Earth is plummeting perpetually off the edge in freefall. How many years have we lived through since January, how many circles ‘round the sun? Earth’s accelerating, and there’s nothing that can stop it. You can feel it, can’t you? This is the fastest it’s ever been.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 26: Everything’s Fine (originally posted on September 20, 2021)

AN: Welcome back to the jungle readers. When last we left Steven, his mind was going further down the toilet after shattering Jasper and the voice in his head continues trying to take control, which led to him lashing out against White Diamond & Spinel. Can he possibly keep his personal Nega-Scott under control while trying to tell the Gems that everything is totally okay? All this and more in this gripping chapter of Alternate Future!

Synopsis: Despite Steven constantly saying otherwise, everything isn't fine.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven, Topiary Stevens, Cactus Stevens

Estelle as Garnet

Micheala Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, Yellow Pearl, Blue Pearl

Grace Rolek as Connie

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Ron Perlman as Steven's Inner Voice

Shelby Rabara as Peridot, Squaridot

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Laz, Zuli

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Kimberly Brooks as Cherry Quartz

Michelle Maryk as Larimar

Ian Jones-Quartey as Snowflake Obsidian, Bixbite

Tara Platt as Heaven and Earth Cubic Zirconias

Martha Higerada as Topaz

Auli'I Cravalho as Orange Spodumene

Aparna Nancherla as Nephrite

Kimiko Glenn as Blue Chalcedony

Phillipa Soo as Chrysocolla

Anika Noni Rose as Watermelon Tourmaline

Tara Strong as Grossular Diopside

Aimee Carrero as Moonstone

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Larissa Gallagher as Bluebird Azurite

Susan Egan as Rose Quartz

--

As soon as Steven returned to his earthly home via Warp Pad and checked up on the bathroom, he returned to his room to flop down on his bed. Steven thought the Diamonds would be of help to him, but instead, they didn't understand what he was going through, and his evil voice kept making things worse for him.

"Why did you make me do that?" Steven lugubriously asked his inner self. "Why did you make me nearly kill White Diamond, and punch Spinel?"

"They hurt you, so I thought it was about time you gave them their just desserts." The evil voice within Steven answered. "Yet the real you insisted that everything was fine. That's your biggest problem, you're way too forgiving of others no matter how much they want you dead."

"No, I know when others don't deserve to be accepted." Steven argued. "Like Black Rutile for example. If she's going to be proud of how irredeemable she is, I'll just let her do her thing."

"Ah yes, do her thing." The negative side of Steven mused. "Like threaten your life and make repeated attempts on your psyche. Yeah, if you could change that pervert, then maybe you can change the sociopath too."

Suddenly, Steven's phone began to ring. "One second Negative Me, I have to take this." Steven said while picking it up and hearing a relieving familiar voice on the other end. "Hey Connie, what's up?"

"Steven!" Connie cried in delight. "Good, you finally picked up. I can't believe we haven't talked to each other since the hospital visit, how are you?"

"I'm great!" Steven fibbed while gazing at how he was still pink. "Never been better!"

"Really?" Connie asked, raising an eyebrow. "Are you sure you haven't had any more swelling or turning pink problems?"

"Uh, nope?" Steven replied. "Okay, maybe, but how are you doing? How's prepping for college going?"

"It's going fine Steven." Connie answered nervously. "But what you mean when you said maybe?"

"Look, there's nothing to worry about." Steven kept on lying. "Everything's fine."

"I doubt it." Steven's dark side interrupted.

"Look, I'll call you later," Steven said. "I don't wanna wake up the Gems."

"But they don't even sleep!" Connie exclaimed before Steven quickly hung up and gazed at his hands before the TV turned on.

"-it's because I'M A UNIVERSE!" Steven began seeing visions of the past on the TV, starting with his argument with Greg before it went to static. Then it began showing Steven holding the shattered remains of Jasper's gem in his hand. More static, followed by the near-death of White Diamond, then Steven punching Spinel for singing to him. Just as Steven got up to try and turn the TV off, he got one last devastating surprise.

"Steven, we can't both exist." Rose Quartz announced to Steven in the video she made before giving birth to him, the very sight of her warm face making him twitch angrily where he stood. "I'm going to become half of you. And I need you to know that every moment you love being yourself, that's me, loving you and loving being you."

"No, I never loved myself," Steven growled furiously. "I've always hated being you. Everything I've suffered, and everything you ever put everyone through," He balled up his fist and pointed it straight at the TV screen. "IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Before Rose could finish, Steven broke the screen with a single punch and prematurely ended the video. However, Steven then let out a gasp as he gazed into his reflection on the shattered remains of the screen, noticing that his irises were now diamond-shaped and realizing what he had become.

"No! No, no, no, no!" Steven trembled and dropped to the ground in horror. "Th-this can't be happening, I didn't think about shattering White, I didn't shatter Jasper, punch Spinel, or nearly kill Dad!" His panicking soon turned to mad chuckling as Steven tried to cheer himself up. "I'm Steven Universe!" Steven then turned to Vidalia's painting of him and Garnet. "I'm fine, I'm fine!" he loudly repeated to himself, causing the glass of his bedroom door to break. "I'm totally fine!"

"Steven, is that you?!" The loudness of Steven's fibbing caused Pearl to cry out as she, Amethyst, and Garnet raced upstairs to Steven's room and gasped at his current appearance.

"What happened?" Amethyst asked Steven. "When did you get so big?"

"Is everything alright?" Pearl added just as nervously.

"I'm fine." Steven smiled and waved at the Gems. "Going to the Diamonds was just a waste of time since they had no idea what I was going through. I thought I needed to figure myself out, but I already know who I am! I'm Steven Universe; and I help, not hurt!"

"Yeah, then I suppose you tried to help the TV there?" Amethyst said while pointing a thumb at the damaged TV. "Seriously, we have got to upgrade someday. But seriously dude, what's going on? You look way different!"

"Pfft, I'm still your lovable old Steven!" Steven denied in response.

"Steven, we're worried," Garnet stated, taking off her glasses to emphasize how concerned she was for her ward. "You haven't been acting like your usual self lately, and we think you should get some rest before this gets dangerous."

"I'm okay, really!" Steven continued lying to the Gems, who glanced concernedly at each other before turning back to him.

"We'll take your word for it." Garnet said resignedly.

"You know, everything's gone downhill ever since I quit Little Homeschool!" Steven declared cheerfully. "I should head on over and see if I can make myself useful there! See you guys later!"

With that, Steven used his newfound super speed to race out of the house to Little Homeworld. To the Gems, it was like he was gone in an instant.

"I get that Steven wants us to know he's fine, but that was a little unsettling." Pearl stated fearfully. "We should just follow him to Little Homeworld so we can keep an eye on him."

"Agreed." Garnet nodded while putting her glasses back on.

"Yeah, that boy ain't right!" Amethyst declared before the trio left Steven's bedroom. But what they or even Steven didn't know was that a black-colored drone was watching them carefully.

--

"Excellent, he's just about at his breaking point." Black Rutile declared triumphantly while examining the footage her drone has gathered with White Topaz by her side. "Oh, I haven't felt this much of a rush since the Strawberry Battlefields!"

"But will Steven get any better?" White Topaz asked nervously, inciting her master to give her a furious glare.

"No, that's my intention!" Black Rutile stated. "I broke him, I broke his spirit! If I physically harmed him, the damage would just go away. But mental torture, the wounds shall only grow and fester! I have officially broken Steven Universe, and all that's left is for everyone to reject that monster."

"Oh master, we're back from training." Bluebird Azurite declared as she flew back to the Rutile's cavern hideaway.

"Oh hey guys, how you getting along?" White Topaz asked the fusion cheerfully.

"We're getting along splendidly thanks to Steven's advice." Bluebird answered before un-fusing into Aquamarine and Eyeball.

"Now we're even stronger than ever!" Aquamarine exclaimed joyfully.

"Look what we can do now!" Eyeball added before pulling out her chisel and shaking it to turn the blade into a beam of fire while Aquamarine launched bubbles from her wings.

"Ah, so glad you two are reaching your full potential, potential that Steven has suppressed for too long." Black Rutile smiled warmly at the tiny twosome. "But know this, you may be afraid of what could be to come, but remember that fear is but the precursor to valor! And to strive and triumph in the face of fear is what it means to be a warrior. Don't think, become."

"I fail to see how that could inspire us, but okay." Aquamarine muttered before peeking behind Black Rutile to see the drone footage. "Now what's all this?"

"It's video evidence that I've driven Steven to madness." Black Rutile answered with a proud grin before gesturing to each screen. "Here, we see Steven going ballistic on a human television when his mother appeared on the monitor." She said pointing to the first one. "On this one, the accursed Crystal Gems show concern for him for once, but he denies that anything is wrong with him." Then Black Rutile moved on to the third one. "And finally, Steven is just gone like a light."

"How can he do that?" White Topaz asked as she looked at the third viewscreen.

"Research shows that this comes from his Diamond heritage interfering with his human biology." Black Rutile analyzed the footage. "I should know, I was often tasked with watching over Pink Diamond whenever her usual caretakers were unavailable. And let me just say, it was unbelievably hectic."

"Yeah, like remember our attempted occupation of Zembilla?" White Topaz added. "Pink really grew attached to those little orange natives and didn't want them all dead."

"Don't remind me to the point of making me have a flashback." Black Rutile groaned while stroking her temples. "This shall be our time to rise up. We shall strike the first moment we get when Steven is at his lowest, so I suggest you better prepare." The Rutile then turned to her Topaz muscle. "Topaz, I need you to preside over Aquamarine and Ruby's training for the time being."

"Oh, of course, I'll do as you say!" White Topaz frantically declared. "That's me, White Topaz, always at your service!"

"Just…..go." Black Rutile's eye began to twitch at White Topaz's brownnosing. As soon as her three subordinates left, the mastermind turned back to her screens and paused the first one at Steven punching the TV screen. "Soon, my boy. Your god complex will finally crumble, just like your so-called happily ever after."

--

"Ah Little Homeworld, long time no see!" Steven declared happily as he reached Little Homeworld and landed on the Warp Pad. "Time to find someone who needs my help."

As Steven ran around the village in search of people to help, Gems and humans were taken a little aback by his new appearance and tried to stay away from him, though Steven didn't know why.

"Look, we're just saying Emerald, there are more ways reptiles are connected to birds than you think." Demantoid argued with Emerald as the two played chess together.

"Name one!" Emerald declared while moving her rook to knock out Demantoid's pawn. "Are there any lizards that have feathers, hm?!"

"Hey, guys, any arguments that need settling?" Steven butted into the green Gems' debate with a wide smile, taking the two by surprise. "Something about birds?"

"What is wrong with you?!" Emerald exclaimed. "This is why Black Rutile hates you, you think everything has to revolve around you and how you think you can fix everything! But even so, you look creepily happier than usual. Something is definitely up."

"Oh, everything's fine." Steven declared, his eye twitching ever so slightly at Emerald's accusation. "I think I'll just let you guys get back to your conversation." And so, Steven set off for someone else to try and help, leaving the green ex-subordinates of Black Rutile aghast before they decided to change the topic while getting back to their game.

"So, I've heard rumors that Steven is suffering from some problems lately." Demantoid said as her rook moved to take out the opposing knight. "Something about post-traumatic stress disorder?"

"Are you sure?" Emerald replied. "Because I've read about the symptoms, and something tells me he might have a borderline personality disorder."

"Maybe somewhere in the middle?" Demantoid deduced.

--

"Now the key to giving a plant proper sunlight is finding a spot that's just right." Peridot exposited to her class of Pyrope, Orange Spodumene, Blue Chalcedony, Cherry Quartz, and Squaridot while pointing to a chrysanthemum. "And it also varies on what kind of plant you're growing."

"I see." Squaridot muttered in awe.

Just then, Steven barged into the greenhouse and grinned at Peridot's class. "Hi Peridot, do any of you need some help?"

"No, I do believe we're perfectly fine." Pyrope answered dryly.

"So what brings you back here?" Peridot asked. "Didn't you leave a few months back?"

"Just your friendly neighborhood Crystal Gem just here to help!" Steven declared. "And I think your students have a few struggling saplings here. Let me give you a hand." Chuckling at his pun, Steven licked his hands and reached out to Pyrope's pot before Peridot stopped him.

"Not so fast!" Peridot scolded Steven. "Amethyst told me you're on a No Plant Friends policy after what happened with the Cactus Stevens."

"We're right here you know." A Cactus Steven said while helping a nearby Sapphire.

"Besides, I don't want your germs all over my prized flower!" Pyrope added, protectively hiding her pot from Steven.

"Oh come on you guys, I just want to give them a little nudge!" Steven laughed. To further prove his point, a leaf fell off Blue Chalcedony's plant.

"That has been bothering me lately." Blue Chalcedony stated, holding her pot out to Steven. "Go ahead, just a smidge though."

"I got a bad feeling about this." Cherry Quartz said warily.

"Oh don't worry, I got this!" Steven said as he licked his finger and tapped on the spot where the leaf fell off.

Moments later, the greenhouse began literally bursting with plant life, and not in a good way. Living topiaries in the shape of Steven broke through the greenhouse walls chanting "Steven's here to help!" while Peridot's class ran away screaming.

"Nice going Chal, now look what's happened!" Pyrope yelled at Blue Chalcedony.

"Hey, lay off her Pyrope!" Orange Spodumene exclaimed. "But still, something is not right with Steven!"

On the topic of Steven, he followed the class out of the greenhouse and seemed oblivious to the damage he had caused. "Look at that, life! It's everywhere, it always finds a way!"

"Much like how you find a way to drive people away." Steven's evil voice muttered sardonically, but Steven paid it no mind as he continued his search for people to help.

--

"Now, tell me how that makes you feel." Garnet said to a human couple she was giving counseling to when she heard Peridot scream, causing the humans to stand up as they gasped. "See you next week."

As soon as the couple ran away in fright, three Topiary Stevens surrounded Garnet, still chanting "Steven's here to help!" while the real Steven ran into the fusion.

"Oh Garnet, I see you're making some new friends!" Steven exclaimed joyfully, continuing to be unaware of his surroundings. "Then I guess this was a net win. Welp, gotta run and find someone else to help! It's what I do!"

"Then help me stop them!" Garnet yelled while the Topiary Stevens repeated "Steven's here to help!", which began to get on her nerves. "The others have to know about this."

--

"Being a lifeguard was far easier than I thought." Laz declared while relaxing in a lifeguard chair above the Gems in the now completed swimming pool. "Just gotta sit around and wait for something to happen. Besides, Gems can't drown anyways!"

"Yeah, but they still need to learn some basic rules." Lapis said to her old friend turned enemy turned friend again before blowing her whistle. "Hey, no running so fast! You might slip and fall!"

"Sorry, Lapis." Teal Zircon apologized before diving in and landing on top of Watermelon Tourmaline. "This is living, eh Melon?"

"You said it, Teal." Watermelon Tourmaline said as she floated around the pool with the Zircon relaxing on her stomach. "Ain't nothing could go wrong today."

Just then, Steven came a-knocking as he opened the gate to the pool to check out what was going on. "Hey Lapises, how's everything going?" he asked. "Anyone need any saving right now?"

"Actually, I think we're running a pretty tight ship as is," Lapis answered Steven while Zuli emerged from the pool after a swim. "Right guys?"

"Yeah, we don't need any extra help right now." Zuli stated. "But if you want, we could hold tryouts sometime."

"Oh no need, I'll just do it myself." Steven beamed before he began looking out for someone who might need his assistance when he spotted Teal Zircon resting on Watermelon Tourmaline's stomach. "Hey TZ, you could slip and fall!"

"What?" Teal asked before Steven grabbed her by the hand. "I'm doing pretty fine over here." Suddenly, as Steven tried to pull the Zircon from the pool, he accidentally pulled a little too hard and threw her up in the air. "OKAY, NOW I'M NOT DOING FINE!" TZ screamed as she flew away from the pool. "WITNESS ME!"

Teal Zircon didn't stay in the air for long, and soon dropped from the sky into another part of Little Homeworld. "I'm okay!"

"What's the big idea, Steven?" Watermelon Tourmaline asked. "We were all having fun before you came in and threw Teal Zircon to who knows where!"

"I'm sure TZ's fine, she said so herself." Steven laughed. "Well, gotta run! Have a nice day everybody!"

As soon as Steven ran off, more Topiary Stevens came bursting through the chain-link fence as they wrestled with the Cactus Stevens, prompting the other Gems present to slowly back away.

"Can this day get any weirder?" Laz scoffed. "I was trying to relax here!"

"Hey, did anyone else notice that Steven was all pink and such?" Lapis asked her fellow water-manipulating lifeguards.

"Yeah, it's kinda freaking me out." Zuli replied. "And are we sure he's totally fine?"

"I'm asking that question too." Lapis pondered while Peridot came charging through the broken fence to break up the battle of the plant Stevens.

--

When Steven left the pool, the first thing he saw was Bismuth's forge. "That's right, it must be shop o'clock!" he declared while skidding to a stop. "Bismuth's shop class, that is. Time to get my shop on."

"You good bud, you talking to yourself or something?" Amethyst, dressed in a coach uniform, asked Steven as he entered the forge.

"Now, the detailing requires a light touch." Bismuth explained to Blue Pearl, Bixbite & Snowflake Obsidian while standing between Pearl wearing a smithing apron and Yellow Pearl in a suit of armor. "Pay attention now everybody, cause this is critical to getting it right."

"Uh, hey howdy hey!" Steven greeted the shop class while leaning against the entrance.

"Oh, hey Steven!" Bixbite cheerfully greeted Steven.

"Did you get taller?" Blue Pearl asked with a tilt of her head and a finger to her lips.

"Whoa-ho-ho, lookin' good Steven!" Bismuth complimented Steven's change in appearance.

"I don't think that look is a positive change for him." Pearl whispered to Bismuth. "We think something might be wrong with him."

"Fancy seeing you drop by." Yellow Pearl grinned, unaware of what the teachers were conversing about. "How do you like my armor?"

"You look great Yellow Pearl!" Steven answered. "So Bismuth, in need of a teaching assistant?"

"Actually, Pearl's my TA today," Bismuth replied with a hand on Pearl's shoulder before presenting Yellow Pearl's armor-clad arm. "but I could use a wedding expert for my wedding armor demonstration. How 'bout it?"

"Of course, I'll help!" Steven declared. "That's what I love doing, just helping everyone!"

"Okay, let's get some materials warmed up for you." Bismuth then walked over to a pot of coals that she plucked a cooling steel bar from and flattened one end of it on the anvil with her hammer hand. "I think that's good enough." She stated. "Hey Steven, mind helping me with a pauldron or two?"

"I got this." Steven cheered as he walked over to the anvil and prepared to punch the metal.

"Hold up there boulder-brain." Bismuth stopped Steven before he could punch. "It's just some detail work, no need for a big mallet when you could use a little hammer." She handed a tiny hammer to Steven. "Plus, you could burn yourself that way."

"Oh, whoopsy-daisy, thanks Bismuth." Steven exclaimed and lightly tapped on the metal with the hammer. Instead of the detail work he thought he could do, Steven instead cracked the anvil into pieces with a single tap.

"Someone's stronger than we thought." Snowflake laughed nervously while Pearl & Bismuth gazed at the broken anvil.

"Look at that, now you have two anvils!" Steven laughed while Bismuth mourned the destruction of her anvil.

"NOOOOO!" Bismuth dropped to her knees in despair. "My anvil! My beautiful anvil!"

"Oh, grow up will you?" Steven's inner voice grumbled. "It's an anvil, you can make another."

"Seems like my work here is done." The real Steven laughed as he prepared to leave. "Well, toodles!"

"You see what I mean, Steven's not himself lately." Pearl said as she comforted Bismuth. "First he nearly got Greg killed, then Jasper started calling him her Diamond, and now this."

"Can I be the first to say that he needs help?" Yellow Pearl asked sardonically as more Topiary Stevens continued their rampage outside the forge.

--

As Steven exited the forge, he ran towards a baseball game that Amethyst was holding. Nephrite was on the Warp Pad throwing a ball to Doc, Amethyst stood by with Onion next to her, Topaz stood with a pair of humans on the bases, Larimar was in the outfield, and Chrysocolla, Grossular Diopside & Moonstone were waiting to play.

As soon as Amethyst noticed Steven, she blew her whistle and turned to talk to him. "Hey dude," she greeted him. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you needed any more players." Steven offered. "I'm ready to have a ball!"

"I think we could squeeze you in, we do need a new outfielder," Amethyst concluded and pointed to Larimar. "Oy, Larimar! Hit the showers, Steven's taking your place!"

"Good luck there Steven." Larimar said while she got up and left while Steven took her place on the playing field.

"Yeah, good hustle there Lil Larimar." Steven complimented the ice Gem. "I'm honored to be joining such a great game, I mean, everyone here has been outstanding!"

"You just got here, how do you know that?" Nephrite raised her brow.

"That's just me, I know what everyone is doing and feel the need to help all the time!" Steven declared, creeping everyone out.

"Enough chit-chat, batter up!" Amethyst cried out, cuing Onion to pick up a bat and walk up to home base, ready to play. Nephrite threw the ball towards the silent boy and he hit it with the bat, although unfortunately, it was heading straight for a nearby house.

"Oh no, in danger again?!" the Heaven Cubic Zirconia complained as the ball sailed towards the window of her and Earth Cubic Zirconia's house while they were having tea.

"I swear, is it because we're small?" Earth Cubic Zirconia wondered. Thankfully, Steven caught the ball just in time, much to their relief.

"I did it." Steven declared and the other players cheered.

"Three cheers for Steven!" Topaz declared.

"That's our boy." Chrysocolla smiled.

"I did it, and I didn't ruin anything!" Steven boomed happily. "YEAH!" However, the complete opposite of what he just said quickly happened. His excited yell caused a windstorm powerful enough to knock people off their feet, break glass everywhere, and cause the Zirconias' house to fall apart.

"Whoa, take it easy Steven!" Moonstone cried as she held onto a bench while the windstorm continued.

"Someone help me!" Grossular Diopside yelled while she got blown away with Larimar. Thankfully, the windstorm died down after a few seconds but still left a ton of destruction in its wake, and all eyes were on Steven.

"Oops, sorry everyone." Steven blushed at the chaos he caused. "T-t-that was an accident. But what are accidents and mistakes but opportunities to learn and improve, right?" He looked down at the Zirconias, who weren't very happy about the destruction of their home.

"It was a mistake for us to be put in danger again, especially because of you!" Earth yelled accusingly.

"Earthy, shush!" Heaven shushed her partner.

"I mean, we all make mistakes, and as long as we keep improving, everything will be fine!" Steven declared while picking up a log. "Alright, let's get to it!"

"It was a mistake for you to come here in this state." The voice in Steven's head declared. "Black Rutile and I were right, you will drive everyone away."

"Listen, I am done with you for today." Steven's own thoughts argued with the voice. "Just pipe down and don't ever think about feeding me bad thoughts ever again, got it?"

"How about never?" the voice said smarmily while the Topiary Stevens got to work on helping Steven by picking up Onion, Larimar, and Grossular Diopside.

"WE'RE HELPING!" one of the Plant Stevens yelled.

--

High above the destroyed makeshift baseball field, Black Rutile's satellite continued watching everything and sending footage back to its creator, who was all too happy to see what her hard work has amounted to.

"This is just priceless!" Black Rutile laughed joyously. "First, he makes plants come to life and fight those cactus beasts, then he throws that annoying Zircon into the air, broke an anvil, and caused a scene during one of those human games. I'm sure he's going to make such a scene about all these little accidents."

"All the more tools to humiliate the boy." Aquamarine added just as sneakily. "Soon, he will have nothing but himself and his thoughts controlling him."

"Unless his friends were to come out and tell him everything will be alright." White Topaz objected. "I'm just saying, those Gems will stick by his side through thick and thin."

"Hey, no more objections!" Eyeball yelled while pulling out her flame knife. "Want me to test this on you?!"

While Eyeball began chasing White Topaz around the woods with her knife, Black Rutile just groaned and turned back to her screens. "Tell me Aquamarine, why do all great geniuses surround themselves with idiots?"

"Your guess is as good as mine my Rutile." Aquamarine shook her head while watching the screens focused on the beach house with bated breath.

--

As soon as Steven was done helping fix what he had broke, he returned to the beach house with a dourer expression than the big smile he kept wearing throughout the day. On the other side of the room, Connie was in the living room while Greg and the Gems sat down on the couch.

"Steven!" Connie cried. "I was right all along, you're still swelling! I tried calling you all day, but I kept getting this weird meme." She held up her phone, which now depicted Steven bouncing up and down while chanting "Steven's here to help!" just like the Topiary Stevens. "Please, what is going on? We're all worried for you."

"Go on boy, play dumb." Steven's inner voice commanded.

"I sometimes broadcast my subconscious these days." Steven answered. "It's really no big deal."

"NOT THAT DUMB!" the voice groaned in irritation.

"I can tell something is bothering you." Connie continued. "There are even times where the meme sometimes turns into this."

"Steven's here to help, Steven's here to help!" Steven kept chanting on Connie's phone before it began to glitch. "Steven help, help Steven!"

"Ah, I don't know what you're talking about!" Steven declared, his stress continuing to unnerve others. "Besides, you all saw I was doing just fine this morning. I'm fine, awesome even!"

"Steven, if being as helpful as you always are, even if it's a bit obnoxious & creepy, is what you want, we'll support you 100%." Greg comforted. "But if you're not really happy, if something's wrong-"

"He's onto us!" the voice exclaimed. "Should've gone a little further with the crash, I say."

"Nothing's wrong!" Steven rebuked his father's worries. "Besides, you all don't have to worry."

"We ARE worried!" Connie replied worryingly. "Besides, Pink Diamond's Pearl told the Gems over the communicator in your greenhouse that you punched Spinel while you were at Homeworld."

"Listen, you can tell us anything." Greg added.

"Look at these worms, ganging up on us." The inner voice kept snarling. "Run, run while you still can! No one may help us now! Except, of course, for a certain Rutile."

"It's not that easy." Steven muttered as he hung his head in shame. "You know what? I don't want to deal with all this." However, when Steven tried to leave, Garnet blocked his way to the Warp Pad while the rest kept him from leaving through the door. "Seriously guys, I don't want to deal with this!"

"No, we don't wanna deal with all this." Amethyst put her foot down at Steven's behavior.

"Please, you have to stop running." Garnet begged in addition when suddenly, Steven's body began to swell yet again and his face stretched out.

"Maybe we should get you back to my mom at the hospital." Connie suggested.

"HOSPITAL?!" Amethyst shrieked.

"Is that what you were doing while we were at the trial?!" Pearl yelled.

"You mean you didn't tell them?!" Connie cried out in shock, while Steven's body kept on distorting and his breath quickened.

"It wasn't that important, just my first ever doctor's visit." Steven smiled awkwardly. "You're making a big deal out of nothing! Sure, I messed up the house and broke a few things, but what teenager hasn't?"

"You spent years forcing secrets out of the Gems, and now you're the one keeping secrets?" Steven's darker half growled at his other half's hypocrisy. "You truly have become your mother."

"And sure, Dad and I had a little fight, but it was practically a rite of passage!" Steven continued fibbing and shrugged.

Connie and the Gems turned their gaze to Greg, who just scratched his head and let out a nervous laugh.

"I mean, wouldn't it be weird if we didn't?!" Steven kept on ranting. "And sure, I've had Black Rutile feed me some not so nice thoughts while you were at Los Diego that took the form of an inner voice that forced me to punch Spinel, or try and shatter White Diamond, but it's not like I actually went through with it! I did really shatter Jasper after all!"

"WHAT?!" Amethyst screamed at the thought of Steven, this sweet young man who would rather hang out with a fly than hurt it, doing such a thing, especially to a Gem he had tried many times to help see the light.

Although barely anyone could hear, Jasper let out a light moan from the bathroom.

"You're-you're joking right?!" Connie gasped with Greg while Garnet's jaw dropped and Pearl's eyes widened.

"Oh don't worry, I fixed Jasper! I can fix anything!" Steven's temper began to reach its boiling point. "I can just keep fixing and fixing things forever, and you'll never have to worry about anything ever again!"

"Except worrying about how you're deliberately pushing people away while begging them to stay." Steven's inner voice concluded while metaphorically looking around at the shocked reactions of Steven's human & Gem loved ones. "Just look at them all, how do you think they'd ever forgive you for such a horrendous act?"

"Steven." Garnet tried to lend an assuring hand on the boy's shoulder, but she was quickly shoved away.

"How messed up is that?!" Steven gasped as he felt something change in his body. His teeth began getting sharper, his skin became pinker & leatherier, his hands slowly turned into claws, and his pupils started turning pink. "That I've gotten away with all this for so long, forcing my views down the throats of others, tearing apart Gem society to the point where they'll eventually be invaded, actually murdering someone! Black Rutile was right, I am just an awful person! A sociopath even!"

No one could comprehend what Steven was thinking right now. Greg began to tear up at all these horrible things Steven was saying about himself, Connie gripped the father's arm tightly, and Pearl & Amethyst began fearfully hugging Garnet, whose face was completely frozen in horror.

"You think I'm so great, I'm so mature, that I always know what to do, BUT I'M NOT!" Steven began roaring in a more beastly tone. "I haven't learned a thing from my problems, and I never will! They all kept making me worse, YOU all keep making me worse! Are you even sure any of you ever loved or cared about me?! If it weren't for Pink Diamond ruining everything for everyone, I could've been just a normal kid!"

"That's right, just let everything out." The inner voice purred comfortingly. "Me on the other hand, I think I shall take my leave and prepare something more normal for you." With that, the inner voice seemingly vanished from Steven's mind.

"You all think of me as a perfect angel who's too pure for this world, but I'm not a little kid anymore!" Steven boomed before he dropped to the ground with his head between his hands. "I'm just like my mom. A fraud." He began to tremble where he crouched as something began bubbling on his back. "I'm a monster!"

Suddenly, a massive pillar of light pink scales erupted from Steven's back like a volcano as everyone reacted quickly. Garnet stuck her arms out to protect Amethyst & Pearl and Connie jumped back, but Greg was just plain terrified.

--

"I'm a monster!" Steven's final words before his transformation were rewound by Black Rutile as she eagerly replayed the phrase again and again on more of her satellite footage. "I'm a monster! I'm a monster! I'm a monster!"

With an evil grin, Black Rutile paused the video and shut off her screens. "And I have finally won!" she declared triumphantly and let out a booming evil laugh that echoed throughout the cave and scared off the nearby animals. Aquamarine & Eyeball grinned in delight, while White Topaz turned away from her cohorts in shame of what she had participated in. As quickly as Black Rutile finished her victorious cackle, she had another wonderful, awful idea in mind. "Now, onto Phase 2."

--

….holy shit. Uh, see you all for I am My Monster, I guess. And by the way, I did repurpose Steven accidentally playing Rose's message for the Rose trio in Rose Buds for the opening.

[midnight-queery]

Superwoman

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28476486/chapters/70718184

One second Kara was zooming through the weird light show the universe-jumping device always put on, eyes wide as she flashed through universe after universe on her way back to her own. The next second she blipped into existence right in the middle of an alien brawl and a giant purple fist hit her in the face. The next second? Nothing but darkness.

When Kara came to who knows how long later she was in the DEO, laid up in a hospital bed and with a familiar, worried pair of green eyes looking at her.

“Kara,” Lena sighed in relief. A moment later, however, she was glaring at her. “I know your journalism is very important to you, but you can’t get that close to an alien brawl.”

Kara stared at the dark-haired woman, blinking owlishly several times before finally opening her mouth to speak. “Lena, what-”

“Me? Lena? Pfft, I’m not Lena,” the person who was definitely Lena said defensively, her eyes looking anywhere but at Kara. “I’ll go get the doctor, you must have been hit harder than I thought.”

Just as Lena turned to go, Kara finally letting her eyes drop from Lena’s face to take in her outfit and physique and realizing that this Lena wasn’t her Lena, a commotion began in the control room. Lena turned towards the noise with wide, confused eyes, and after listening in Kara realized why: she was the one causing the commotion. Or rather, this Earth’s Kara was.

“That’s not me!” The other Kara yelled, running through the parting crowd of DEO agents and towards the med bay. “I saw,” she paused and gasped for breath and Kara felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, because if this Earth’s her was out of breath, and Lena was dressed like that, it could only mean one thing. “I saw you save her, on the news. And she’s not me, Superwoman.”

Lena turned to Kara with narrowed eyes, her brows scrunched together furiously, and Kara was fairly certain she was about to be laser beamed. She, however, had a much more pressing issue on her mind.

“Superwoman?!” Kara yelled, jolting to a seating position and pointing at Lena. “Superwoman? HOW? This didn’t make any sense in the first place and now you’re telling me you get to be Superwoman? And you even have pants already?!!” Kara was fuming, so angry the rest of whatever she was going to say was just a series of indignant and unintelligible sputters.

Lena looked taken aback at the blonde’s anger, and she took a few steps to the side so she was standing protectively in front of the other Kara.

Kara’s phone ringing cut off her attempts to form angry words from her angry spluttering and she yanked it out of her pocket, wishing she’d chosen to wear her suit instead of her civvies, discretion be darned. “What?”

“Kar? You good? I’m getting some weird readings from your suit,” Alex’s voice crackled through, broken up and staticky. Kara fiddled with the clunky device strapped to her phone and the yellow blinking light on it turned a steady green. “Kar? You there?” Alex’s voice was crystal clear now.

“Yeah, sorry. I had to adjust the turtle.” Kara’s focus was on her phone, though when a pale hand tried to snatch it away at super speed she easily evaded. “What the heck, Lena?”

“You’re communicating with Alex Danvers?” Lena hissed, her eyes actually beginning to glow blue. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Please tell me you didn’t blip into existence in the middle of one of Lena’s board meetings,” Alex said over the phone. “She was going to be pissed enough that we didn’t tell her you were going to another Earth!”

Lena’s eyes widened at that and she took a small step forward, crossing her arms tightly over her chest and concealing the searing red symbol of the House of El that stood out starkly against the mostly black super suit. “You really expect me to believe this Kara is from another Earth, and not some twisted clone you made, Alex?”

This Earth’s Kara rushed over and stopped beside Lena, her eyes wide. “You’re me from another Earth? A- and your Alex is good?”

Kara’s brow crinkled as she looked between the alternate her and super Lena (she was not going to call her Superwoman okay). “What do you mean, is my Alex good? Of course she’s good. Why wouldn’t she be?”

“Kara,” Lena said quietly, wide, concerned eyes trained on her Kara, whose chin was wobbling from the urge to cry.

“M- my Alex,” other Kara began softly, eyes trained on the floor. “She’s the head of an organization called CADMUS. She hates aliens to the point that it drove her insane. She’ll stop at nothing to kill Superwoman. She- she’s even used me against her a few times since she knows we’re friends.” Other Kara sniffled as Kara’s jaw dropped.

“Kara.” Alex’s voice sounded strained. “Please tell me that doesn’t mean what I think it does.”

“And what about Lex Luthor?” Kara asked, ignoring her sister.

“What about me?” Lex asked, strolling into view. He was wearing very familiar tactical gear. “I’m Lex Luthor, Director of the DEO, though it seems you already knew that. Care to explain how?” He narrowed his eyes at Kara, and she was astounded at how… normal he looked. The Lex in her universe had cold, dead eyes. This one’s eyes were hard, yes, and distrustful, but he stood close to his sister and the other Kara, almost… protectively? What was going on here?

“Oh Rao,” Kara breathed in realization. “Lena and I are switched in this universe. That’s why Lex is suddenly a good guy and Alex is, well, Lillian and Lex from my universe rolled into one.”

“What do you know of Rao?” Lena demanded, just as Alex asked, her voice sounding even more strained, “What do you mean you two are switched? And I am not Lillian and Lex rolled into one, Kara, you take that back or you are notgetting the last potsticker at game night ever again, I swear to god.”

“On my Earth I’m Supergirl,” Kara said, looking Lena dead in the eyes as she yanked her glasses off. The brightly colored suit materialized, and Kara had never been more thankful for the pants upgrade in her life. Being Supergirl was humiliating enough, but a skirt? Oof.

“Not Superwoman?” Other Kara asked curiously.

Kara grimaced at her human self. “Miss Grant wouldn’t budge on the name.” When she turned to Lena the woman’s eyebrows were furrowed.

“So you… grew up on Krypton, then? Like- like me?” Lena asked quietly, her voice vulnerable.

“Zhi,” Kara said quietly, her lips upturned in a small, sad smile. “I grew up Krypton, and I… I watched it explode right before my pod got stuck in the Phantom Zone.”

“Were you-”

“Awake?” Kara interrupted. Lena nodded, gulping. “Intermittently. It wasn’t…” Kara stopped and took a deep breath. “It was cold and dark and lonely and I thought for sure I’d be trapped there forever. Luckily for me, Aunt Astra needed a way to get Fort Rozz to Earth, and she was able to use my pod to do it.”

Lena and Lex exchanged a loaded look at the mention of Astra, and Kara had a feeling Lex had killed Lena’s aunt just as Alex had killed hers.

“Okay, weird as all this is,” Alex’s voice interjected, “The turtle currently has more charge than the device you’re using to get from universe to universe. At the rate the battery is draining you have two and half hours until you’ll be stuck in the universe you’re in right now, and you only have enough energy for one more jump. I think we need to call-”

“No!” Kara shouted, causing everyone gathered around her to jump. “No, Alex, you can’t call in Lena, she’ll be pissed that we didn’t call her in sooner and I’m really trying not to stress her out anymore than she has to be to run L-Corp. We can’t tell her I’m about to be stranded on an alternate Earth because I accidently broke the part of the jumper that controlled which Earth I land on! Maybe, uh, maybe this Lena can help!” Kara turned to super Lena with wide, desperate eyes. “Please tell me you’re as tech savvy here as you are on my Earth.”

“You do run a branch of LuthorCorp,” other Kara chipped in thoughtfully, “so you could probably help her. Me. Whatever, you get it.”

“I- wait, I’m not, what?” Lena spluttered, looking from her Kara, who apparently knew she was Superwoman, to the other Kara and back. “Oh Rao I didn’t correct her earlier! Lex!” Lena glared at her brother for not catching the slip, and he held his hands up in surrender.

“I was as delightfully distracted as you, sister dear,” Lex said lazily. “Besides, we both know Miss Danvers, at least thisMiss Danvers, isn’t exactly a security risk.”

All of their heads turned to the phone in Kara’s hand when they suddenly heard the muffled sound of several voices, most panicked, before it went silent. Then, “Kara Zor-El Dan-” a familiar voice growled. Kara’s yelp cut them off.

“Oh Rao! Alex, I told you not to call Lena in!”

“She didn’t,” Lena’s voice answered smoothly. “And Director Danvers will pay for that later. Right now we are going to get you back to this Earth, and then you and I are going to have a long, long talk about what exactly determines need to know information, are we clear?”

“Yes,” Kara muttered, staring sulkily at her phone, her bottom lip jutting out.

“Kara darling, I can hear you pouting, and it’s not going to work,” Lena said wryly, though she at least sounded a bit amused instead of the previous rip roaring enraged.

Other Lena didn’t seem to have heard a word of the conversation as she was still staring dumbly at her human Kara, and she finally managed to blurt out: “How did you know I was Superwoman?”

“Did I just hear that Earth’s version of me call herself Superwoman?” Lena’s voice purred, and Kara could just see the smirk on her face.

“You told me you flew to CatCo on a bus,” human Kara said, grinning at a now-blushing Superwoman.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Lena groused over the phone. “There is no way I would ever say that. Do Kryptonians have special idiot genes?”

Human Kara gasped as super Lena and Kryptonian Kara winced. “You can’t be mean to Lena,” human Kara scolded. “Even if you are a Lena! It’s still not allowed!” She put her hands on her hips and glowered at the phone Kara was holding, which Kara instinctively cradled closer in case the other version of her got any ideas.

On the other end of the phone Kara was pretty sure she could hear Alex laughing. Her Lena mumbled something that could maybe pass as an apology before telling Kara to stay out of trouble while she made a retrieval device and hanging up.

“Why is your Lena so cranky?” Other Kara asked, her eyes narrowed as she stared her doppelganger down. “Did you do something stupid?”

“I did something brilliant, actually,” Kara replied, smirking to herself. Her audience didn’t get it at all, of course, but she still found it funny. “Now then, since my Lena is working on things, it looks like I’ll be here for a little while yet. What else is wacky?”

“How would we know?” Lena countered, arching her eyebrow.

“It’s not fair that you can still do the eyebrow thing and you get superpowers,” Kara grumbled. “Being a superhero was my thing, darn it! And in one of the universes I accidently landed in, you were also a reporter, but I wasn’t a CEO! And in another one we were both CEO’s but we’d met when you tried to buy out my company! It isn’t fair!” Kara’s lip jutted out and her puppy dog eyes were in full effect now, and Lena looked surprisingly contrite considering she really couldn’t control any of that. Other Kara just rolled her eyes.

“Oh whatever, Supergirl. Put away the pout and let’s go get potstickers while we wait for your ride home.”

And so it was, that half an hour later, full of (literally) otherworldly potstickers and having momentarily forgotten that a pissed off Lena was waiting for her, Kara was perched happily on a chair in the DEO conversing with this Lena in Kryptonese (while human Kara watched enviously), waiting for her phone to ring.

Only apparently her Lena was feeling dramatic because instead of her phone ringing the portal device beeped a brief warning before opening a swirling vortex of light in the middle of the control room and a moment later Lena strutted out, angry eyes finding Kara immediately and one eyebrow already arched dangerously. “Thanks to you I had to wear my heels an extra hour,” Lena said, her glare somehow intensifying.

With a small eep Kara sped over and gently scooped a willing Lena into her arms. “Sorry, baby.”

“My stomach isn’t the one you should be apologizing too,” Lena grumbled, turning her glare to her very obviously pregnant stomach (though the glare immediately melted into a soft, if exasperated, look). She looped her arms around Kara’s neck and let her head fall against her shoulder as her eyes wandered the astonished crowd. When her eyes fell on herself, decked out in a supersuit and looking both hopeful and afraid at this sudden development, she rolled her eyes. “I’m assuming my lovely wife neglected to mention the fact that in our universe we’re married?”

“Uh, yeah,” other Kara said, her rounded eyes not leaving Lena’s stomach.

“Wait so the reason you didn’t want to stress me, uh, her, anymore was because I, I mean she, is p-p-pregnant?” Super Lena stuttered.

“Oh my god,” human Kara breathed in realization. “That why when I asked if your Lena was cranky cuz you did something stupid you said you’d actually done something brilliant and had that weird smirk on your face! You meant you did her!”

Super Lena choked on air at that one, and Kara’s wife gave her an exasperated look. “Really, babe?”

“Is it not true?” Kara counted, smirking at her wife for a moment before pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head. “I am sorry for not telling you I was aimlessly universe hopping. I was just worried.”

Lena sighed and nuzzled into Kara’s neck. “I know. We’re still talking about this little incident later, though.”

“Where are the rings, if I may ask?” Lex queried, a strange look on his face.

Lena flinched at the sound of his voice and burrowed impossibly closer to Kara as she turned her wary gaze to her not-brother. Silently, she held up one hand, her ring glinting in the light. Kara, meanwhile, shot a significant glance to her own wrist, where a matching bracelet could be seen peeking out of the sleeve of her suit.

“How did I not notice that?” Super Lena whispered to herself, eyes now caught on the bracelet. She only managed to pull her gaze away when she realized her favorite heartbeat (her Kara’s) was pounding especially hard, and she chanced a glance over to see what could only be a look of longing on Kara’s face.

“Go for it,” Lena encouraged, happily going back to ignoring Lex’s existence and closing her eyes. “Also we’re going home now. I need a foot rub. And a nap.” A massive yawn punctuated her statement and Kara gave her an impossibly fond look before shooting her human self a wink and walking through the portal, her wife cradled safely in her arms.

[aer-in-wanderland]

구미호뎐 | Tale of the Nine Tailed - Lost in Translation EP03

The saga continues: part three in a series in which my sister and I pick our way through all the (mis)translations, humour, and cultural subtext that dropped from the fan-subbed version of TotNT. Thank you so much to everyone who bought us coffee - this one’s for you. ;) 

Before we begin, for anyone just joining us: EP01 / EP02. 

We pick up back where we left off last episode with Yeon dressing Ji Ah’s wound. 

Yeon’s line that’s subbed, “Stop being a crybaby” can be a bit hard to translate. The word he uses is ‘eomsal,’ which literally means, ‘the exaggeration of pain; feigning pain; a great fuss about nothing.’ So he’s essentially saying she’s overreacting. I'm not a fan of the use of the word ‘crybaby’ here though personally.

“Long time no see, Lee Yeon.” > > > 12 Hours Earlier.

We see Thirsty meet his ignominious end in a toilet (we never got character names for these guys so I’m just going to call them ‘Thirsty’ and ‘Hungry’).

Elsewhere on the island, Rang fishes a curse doll with the man’s picture on it out of the surf. That’s quite the atmospheric shot. Point to the director.

Episode 03 Title Card: The Secret of the Dragon King 

We open the following morning as Ji Ah and the man who found the body (who Ji Ah refers to as ‘Captain’) examine the scene.

Sub: “Being at sea wasn’t enough and he drowned himself to death.” I’m not sure that sentence even makes sense. I would have translated the man’s line as: “Ho~ Let no one say he wasn’t a seaman. He managed to kick the bucket by drowning [even on dry land].” 

Sub: “Talk about it being all for nothing. This is what he gets after throwing himself at his life.” Um, what now? The line is: “Human lives are so futile. And after he clung so viciously to life, too.”

Lol Yeon. “I see someone threw a party.” I like this sub. What he literally says though is: “Oh~ Looks like it was a really special night.” (‘special’ here is in English). 

Sub: “He smells like a stinky fish.” What Yeon literally says is: “Ugh, a smell like rotting fish is coming from this kid!” Yeon refers to the man as ‘yae,’ which literally means ‘this kid,’ but can also be used to refer to inanimate objects. So, either way...pfft

Appropriately, the BGM playing as Pyung Hee casts her curse is ‘Shaman.’

Back over to Yeon and Ji Ah as they investigate the body. The chyron on the screen reads: ‘The first survivor of the Milky Way (Deceased)’ Irony-(probably)-not-intended. 

We get another chyron not long after, over a shot of Pyung Hee’s father’s head being returned to shore that reads: ‘Seo Gi Chang (Died aboard the Milky Way)’

Lol None of this has stopped Yeon from nomming on his banana milk. I had thought the milk made him seem like a little kid, but according to Korean fans, it’s also, apparently, commonly enjoyed by old men. heh

Sub: “Besides, they’re not good looking enough.” This is a mistranslation. Yeon’s line is literally: “And besides, I don’t like the look of their faces.” What he means, though, is the feeling they give off, rather than their actual ‘looks.’ It’s a common expression in Korean. If I was translating instead of explaining, I would probably render this as, “I don’t like the look of them.”

As Ji Ah drags him out, however, Yeon can be heard saying, “Ah~ I judge people by their looks~!” I’m 98% sure this is another LDW ad lib. Basically, LDW made a joke of his previous line, as if to say Yeon cared about the look of them because they weren’t attractive enough, when really his line meant they seemed shady. It’s almost as if he predicted the bad sub...

We get a brief scene featuring the second (and only named) survivor of the Milky Way, Jin Shik. Oh, and his headless ‘visitor.’ Creepy.

The music underscoring Hungry gorging himself on raw meat is making everything worse (or possibly better, if disturbing is your jam)

I’ve said it before, but I would watch an entire series of Yeon and Ji Ah being a supernatural investigative duo.

Pfft Yeon refers to Seo Gi Chang as ‘the head’ (mogaji). I’m not sure if I should call that indelicate or irreverent. It’s a bit of both, really. 

Yeon’s line here is subbed as, “What happened on the boat?” but it should more properly be: “What did you do on the boat?” He’s not just asking after the sequence of events; the line is a clear accusation.

Sub: “We met an unexpected storm that day.” Actually: “Rough wind and waves hit the side of the fishing boat.” (i.e. causing it to capsize) 

I appreciate that Yeon sits back here and allows Ji Ah to take the lead. 

So, as it turns out, the 11th hell is actually a fishing boat (I’m sure the cast of 1N2D will back me up on this).

Fun fact: This sequence was filmed in a green screen pool and then made to look like the middle of the ocean with CG.

As an aside, I love that Ji Ah deduced the whole story on her own and that she uses that knowledge to corner Hungry psychologically. Also, that her strategy proves more effective than Yeon’s threat of violence. It’s not so much a ‘you catch more flies with honey,’ as a ‘brain over brawn’ sort of deal. 

Ji Ah: You were frightened, weren’t you? Twenty-eight days straight on a perilous life boat without water or food. They’re the perfect conditions for a person to go mad, aren’t they? First-degree burns from the hot August sun striking your body mercilessly, the boat pitching about all day; despite not having eaten, you feel as if you’ll throw up. Clenching your teeth and waiting to be rescued only works for a day or two. The more you think about it, the angrier you get. ‘Why, me? Why?!’ Around the fifth day was the crisis point. Since, in that time, not a drop of rain had fallen. Dehydration would have set in first. [...] But it’s odd, isn’t it? For having starved for 28 days, you lost too little body mass. [...] What did you eat?

Meanwhile, Yeon’s contribution to all of this is: “And you couldn’t have used a delivery app in the middle of the open ocean where there’s no wifi signal.” Pfft He has, of course, caught on to her strategy. As usual, though, he decides to take the cheeky route. 

Side note: I find it interesting that, in this universe full of monsters, the first incident Yeon and Ji Ah end up investigating together turns out to be an entirely human horror. 

Yo. Hungry deciding Ji Ah is food is just...ugh. Never trust a cannibal. 

Luckily for Ji Ah, her guard dog fox is on the job. 

Over to Rang, who asks a weeping Pyung Hee what she’ll give him in return for granting her ‘wish’. We don’t get to see her answer him, but it was included in the backstory collection.

It’s unclear to me just how much Rang is involved in ‘granting’ Pyung Hee’s wish. Like, is he the one fueling the curse somehow, or did he just teach her what she needed to know? I’m inclined to believe it’s more the latter. 

We cut to Taluipa at the Afterlife Immigration Office, who’s pissed that someone’s messing with her Death List. There’s a fun mythology-related chestnut in this scene: when Hyeonuiong comes running in, he’s carrying a watering can. Taluipa accuses him of having been watching dramas, but Hyeonuiong insists he was watering the Uiryeongsu. 

The chyron for it reads: ‘The Uiryeongsu. A tree that measures the sins of the dead by the weight of their clothes when they’re hung on it.’ The hanja for ‘Uiryeongsu’ (衣領樹) literally mean ‘clothing-amount-tree,’ so its name is essentially its function. In traditional mythology, it grows on the near bank of the Samdocheon. This is also the same tree that the Uiryeong’geom (geom = sword) mentioned in EP13 is made from.

“You watered a tree for 3 hours?” Pfft Hyeonuiong and watering can, exit stage right. 

Minor detail: I just realized I can actually see from Taluipa’s List in this scene that one of the two fishermen is named Kim Gil Sang. Still not sure which one though, so I’m going to stick to calling them Hungry and Thirsty. 

The Dragon King Scroll

Back over to Ji Ah, who examines a creepy scroll hanging in Jin Shik’s vacant quarters. Once again, the show cuts into its own dramatic tension with a moment of levity as Yeon startles both Ji Ah and me by popping open his bag of snacks with a massive bang. The contrast between Ji Ah, who’s in serious investigator mode, and Yeon, who just continues his one-gumiho snack parade, blasé as can be, adds humour to an otherwise grim situation. 

Yeon’s response of, “Oh. Sorry.” is in English, making it sound, if possible, even less sincere.

On the off chance that anyone was wondering, the snack Yeon claims as his favorite here is 솜짱 (somjjang). According to the Korean fans again, this is also a food commonly enjoyed by elderly people.

Subs: “Do you know how many people in Joseon died during the 50 years of war? 3.5 million. I’ve seen more deaths than all the funeral companies in this country.” This is another case of diagonal translation. Yeon’s line is more properly: 

Yeon: Between the Imjin War and the Manchu War, do you know how much of the population of Joseon-era Korea was lost in just 50 years? 3,500,000. I’m a guy who’s seen more funerals than all the funerary companies in Korea put together.  

[Note: Yeon is talking about The Japanese Invasions a.k.a The Imjin War (1592-1598) and The Qing Invasion of Joseon a.k.a. The Manchu War (1636)]

As a linguistic aside, Yeon refers to himself here as a ‘nom’ (rhymes with ‘home’). If you read the breakdown of EP02, you’ll recall that ‘nom’ can mean anything from ‘guy’ to ‘bastard.’ It’s not that Yeon means to call himself a bastard, though. It’s only that the typical alternative here (i.e. ‘person’) carries the implication of 'human.’ Since Yeon is, of course, not human, he opts for ‘nom’ instead. The word gets a lot of mileage in this show in relation to all the supernaturals for that reason. 

Lol This exchange about the Dragon King was great. Point to the writer. I would translate it as: 

Yeon: You’re right, but it looks nothing like him. 

Ji Ah: You’ve...seen him? 

Yeon: Back when I was a mountain god. Well, in today’s terms you’d say we attended a leadership conference together. They over-glamorized him. He’s not this good looking.

Ji Ah’s reaction is perfect too. Her, ‘I don’t even know where to begin with that statement so I’m just going to move on’ look came across loud and clear. 

Yeon’s line as he leans over Ji Ah’s shoulder is subbed: “This is just like ‘Where’s Wally?’” In Korea, the game is called ‘find the hidden picture’ (‘sumun keurim chatgi’). So the line is actually: “What is this, ‘find the hidden picture’ or something?” I’d say there’s a 50/50 chance this line was another ad lib by Lee Dong Wook.

On an entirely different cultural note, ‘Where’s Wally?’ is know as ‘Where’s Waldo?’ in North America and exactly nowhere else. Don’t ask... 

This scene features the first mention we get of Imoogi. Imoogi are among the most famous Korean mythical creatures. In most tellings, they are essentially proto-dragons, though occasionally they can be baby dragons. For example, one imoogi tale claims its imoogi was the son of the Dragon King (the same one Yeon attended a ‘leadership conference’ with). Most of the lore agrees that if an imoogi stays submerged in deep water for a thousand years, it earns the chance to become a dragon, though the caveats vary widely, and many imoogi fail. Finally, while the imoogi in TotNT is evil, imoogi aren’t categorically so; some are good, some aren’t.

Rang and the Mudang

Fun fact: Kim Beom explained in his Instagram LIVE that he chose to wear a red suit partially because the color gave off the feeling of a villain, but also because it contrasted well with the green of the forest. He also named this as his favorite Lee Rang outfit.

For anyone keeping track, Rang speaks to the mudang in banmal. She, in return, addresses him as ‘Lee Rang-nim’ and speaks very respectfully.

Okay, there are a couple of things to unpack in Rang’s following exchange with the mudang: 

Mudang: The Corrupt God, King of the Wicked. He is Lee Ryong-nim.

Rang: [Laughs] What’s with that? Ugh, I seriously just cringed! If you slap a fancy title* from the next world in front of its name, does a snake become a dragon?

First, the mudang’s line here is said in an archaic cant. Second, ‘Lee Ryong’ (properly pronounced, ‘i-ryong,’ since there’s actually no ‘L’ in ‘Lee’), is another name for imoogi.

Finally, when Rang says ‘a fancy title from the next world,’ he’s referring to a posthumous name/title. Nearly every kingdom to have occupied the Korean peninsula has used posthumous titles (시호), most often for deceased royalty. By giving one to Imoogi, the mudang is venerating him. Rang mocks this, seizing on Imoogi’s failure to become a dragon. (Let no one say he and Yeon aren’t brothers).

The subs have Rang referring to Yeon as just ‘Yeon,’ but he actually calls him ‘Lee Yeon.’ That’s a very impersonal way to refer to one’s older brother, which is, of course, intentional on Rang’s part. It serves as another linguistic cue to the audience as to how Rang regards Yeon at this point. 

A note on the evening primrose: tvN released a short blurb about it, since, as far as I can tell, the mythology was invented for the show. It reads: 

Evening primrose that has grown while feeding on the blood and flesh of corpses is the same as poison to gumiho; if they so much as touch its powder, their bodies catch flame.

While the subs consistently just say ‘evening primrose,’ this should more properly be ‘burial ground evening primrose,’ which is how the various characters refer to it. 

Fun fact: ‘Evening primrose’ in Korean is ‘dalmaji-kkot’ (달맞이꽃), which means ‘flowers that welcome the moon’. 

Sub: “Half-brothers, to be exact.” The term Rang uses in Korean is quite literally, ‘brothers from different stomachs,’ so it refers specifically to half brothers who share a father but who have different mothers. I mention it only because Korean viewers will have been given slightly more information about their familial relationship here than was provided in the subs. 

Back over to our leads, as Yeon urges Ji Ah to leave the island post-haste. His line is subbed: “I’m saying you may die if you stay here.” That’s a perfectly fine translation. For anyone curious, though, his line is quite literally: “I’m saying if you stay here, [the conditions are] perfect for dying.” 

Sub: “That’s none of your business.” Yeon’s line is more properly: “That’s not for you to know.”

Ji Ah’s response to this is very literally: “I have no intention to go home for a reason I don’t know. So Lee Yeon should find the person Lee Yeon came here to find. I have to know why my parents came to this island.” This is the first time Ji Ah uses Yeon’s full name as a second person pronoun (so basically to mean ‘you’) when speaking to him. It’s hard to make generalizations about any form of address that don’t have multiple exceptions, but in this case, using his name is a more neutral, and somewhat more familiar, alternative to some of the other pronouns she’s been using when speaking to him. To my sense, it softens her rejection of his advice a little bit.

Back to Rang. His line is a bit awkward to translate, but essentially what he says is, ‘Calling my brother a ‘mountain god’ is an overstatement/ putting it nicely.’ I might approximate this as, ‘Sure, my brother was called a mountain god.’ This is the only time in the entire drama that Rang refers to Yeon as ‘uri hyung,’ and it kills me a bit that it’s not out of fondness, but rather derision. ㅠㅠ

Similarly, when Rang says, “I’m a fox, after all. I have to repay eunhye properly,” he is, of course, using eunhye sarcastically.

The subtitle here once again says ‘the underworld,’ but Rang’s line is actually: “I’m going to go to hell, without fail. Together with Lee Yeon.” The subs really need to do a better job of distinguishing between hell and the afterlife. 

We see Ji Ah instruct Jae Hwan over the phone as to what to search for in the library records. She’s split off from Yeon since we last saw them. 

Elsewhere on the island, Yeon also makes a call, only his is to Halmeom (Taluipa) to ask about Imoogi. When this episode first aired, I thought it was odd that Yeon was using ‘Imoogi’ as if it were a name, since this would be like referring to Yeon as ‘Gumiho.’ He later taunts Terry-Imoogi about just that though (i.e. not even having a proper name), so obviously it was an intentional decision on the writer’s part. 

Sub: “If by chance Ah Eum was born again into this world, I can’t let that thing coexist with her.” This sub went a bit sideways. The ‘by chance’ has been mis-attributed. The line is properly: “There’s no way I could possibly (i.e. by any chance/under no circumstances can I) let such a thing exist in a world in which Ah Eum has been reborn.” Yeon is already sure that Ah Eum has been reborn at this point. He’s saying that because she’s been reborn, he can’t allow Imoogi to coexist with her under any circumstances.

Rang vs Ji Ah

Ji Ah returns to Pyung Hee’s to find ‘Pyung Hee’ reading Moby Dick. This is an ironic enough choice of literature to clue her in to the fact that this isn’t really Pyung Hee. Smart cookie. 

On a character note, I loved that Ji Ah’s knowledge of, and love for, world literature was threaded believably throughout the drama in a way in which it feels natural that she caught on to Rang’s hint here. Point to the writer. 

Again, for anyone keeping track, Ji Ah and Rang speak to each other in banmal, as has been the case since Rang revealed himself at Ji Ah’s house in EP01. Not because they’re close, obviously, but because they have zero respect for one another. It’s a bit of a power play on Ji Ah’s part, too, since she’s (hundreds of years) younger. 

Over to Yeon, who barges into the local market owner’s personal quarters to interrogate him. His line when he catches sight of the scroll on the wall is subbed: “Look at this.” This should more properly be: “Check these people out. There’s one here too.” The word he uses that I translated as ‘these people’ is ‘i-geot-dul,’ which is very literally ‘these things,’ so I sort of understand the confusion in the subs. He means the islanders though, not the scrolls. In contrast, ‘there’s one here too’ does actually refer to the scroll.

The knife Yeon throws hits directly over the slit pupil of the scroll dragon’s eye. Nice aim.

Back to Ji Ah and Rang. When Ji Ah accuses Rang of orchestrating the deaths of the Milk Way survivors, ‘to distract us,’ what she says quite literally is ‘to cover our eyes and ears.’

When Rang applauds Ji Ah’s deductive abilities, his line is subbed, “Awesome.” This should more properly be, “Outstanding,” or, “Exceptional.” I honestly believe he’s being sincere in his praise. Being Rang, though, he’s probably just delighted this makes her more challenging to toy with.

Having completed his interrogation, Yeon’s eyes change as he erases the man’s memory of the event. I suspect the reason Yeon is so cavalier about revealing he’s a gumiho is because he can basically ‘undo’ it whenever he wants using this power.

Ji Ah’s quiet, “I decline” is so satisfying. Also the way Rang pulls back in surprise haha I guess he’s not used to being turned down. 

Rang’s exchange with Ji Ah is subbed as: “Loosen up. Why be so stiff when it’s just good old me?” / “Let me give you some advice since that’s how you feel. Don’t gamble with another’s tragedy just for kicks. There’s a word for people like you, you know. A colossal jerk.” This is difficult to translate, and I think the subs have done a pretty good job, but a closer translation would be:

Rang: Augh— So uptight! Are you going to keep acting this uptight, just between us* (literally, ‘between you and me’)? 

Ji Ah: Between you and me, then, I’ll give you just one word of advice: Don’t carelessly role the dice atop others’ misfortune. People call jerks like you ‘sleazy bastards.’ 

[*Note: Rang’s phrasing implies that they’re somehow close/on good terms, but he’s being sarcastic, of course.]

First off, the word Rang uses for ‘uptight’ (빡빡하다) means ‘stiff; uptight; rigid; inflexible; strict.’ By this, he’s referring to how she never lets her guard down. I don’t know that any of those words properly conveys that, though. 

Second, while I translated Ji Ah’s line about the dice very literally here (in keeping with the spirit of this post), I actually like how the subs handled it from a translation/subtitling standpoint. 

Finally, the subs have Ji Ah calling Rang ‘a colossal jerk,’ but the term she actually uses (‘yang’achi saekki’) is a much stronger expletive. ‘Yang’achi’ is a term for a thug, gangster, or hoodlum. ‘Saekki’ literally means ‘child of.’ In practical use, though, it’s close to ‘bastard.’ (I really didn’t think I’d be explaining the finer points of Korean expletives when I started this series, but here we are). I approximated this as ‘sleazy bastard’ above. 

Pfft Rang being genuinely offended at Ji Ah’s language. Jo Bo Ah talked a bit about what she thought of all the explicit language Ji Ah uses towards Rang in her wrap interview. 

Subs: “When he finds what he wants, you’ll be begging for mercy.” No idea where they got 'begging for mercy.’ What Rang actually says is, “When he  finds what he wants, you’ll see hell.” Unlike in the subtitle, Rang’s warning actually has substance to it, since he’s referring to the fact that, once Yeon identifies Ji Ah as Ah Eum’s reincarnation, their fate with Imoogi will repeat itself. 

By the time Yeon rushes back to Pyung Hee’s, Rang is long gone. His line subbed as: “What did he say?” is, quite literally, “Lee Rang, that nom, what’d he say?” This use of ‘nom’ manages to come off as fairly mild. (He may be a jerk, but he’s Yeon’s jerk). 

Ji Ah’s response has undergone cultural translation to become: “Even when I order pizza, I never go for half-and-half. I always choose just one.” Honestly, though, I don’t know that it was necessary. What she actually says is: “Even when I order chicken, I don’t go for half-seasoned, half-fried; I’m the type to just pick one.”

This scene was originally longer but part of it got deleted. They released the clip, though, so I’ll translate the full exchange here:

Ji Ah: I'm saying I turned him down, your younger brother. Since I bet on this fox.  

Yeon: Let no one say you aren’t a learned (wise) woman. Is that all?  

Rang (voiceover): Don't trust Lee Yeon too much.  

Ji Ah: That's all. But...you said the two of you are brothers.

Yeon: Yeah. We’re brothers. 

Ji Ah: Why are you so hellbent on destroying each other? 

Yeon: It seems like you don’t know since you’re an only child, but, as a rule, the relationship between siblings is a lot like noir, just without the guns.

Ji Ah: There you go, deflecting the question again. Is that a secret, too? 

Yeon: If you ever happen to run into that guy again just the two of you, no matter what, run fast. That kid* despises humans. Especially humans that look like you. 

Ji Ah: Why do you keep taking cracks at people's faces?

Yeon: ...I'm hungry.  

Ji Ah: Why don’t you take the opportunity to pack up and leave while you still can? Your younger brother...it seems he’s preparing some sort of special event. 

Yeon: That’s what I’m waiting for.

*Note: The word Yeon uses that I translated as ‘kid’ is ‘jashik.’ This is another word that, depending on how it’s used, can either be fond or rude. ‘Jashik’ literally means ‘[one’s] child,’ but it’s also commonly used in the sense of ‘punk.’ It’s a bit softer than nom. You wouldn’t use it to refer to yourself, though. 

Ji Ah’s “Why do you keep taking cracks at people’s faces?” (meaning he’s insulting/taking issue with how she looks), is referencing their exchange the previous night when he told her not to smile because she was ugly.

We cut briefly to Shin Joo eating at the Snail Bride as he sizes up Yoo Ri from a distance. Come to think of it, we never got this BGM for the Snail Bride, either...

Ramen Heart-to-Heart

Lee Yeon’s one-gumiho meokbang continues. I feel like Yeon has been nomming on something in nearly every scene this episode. 

The BGM while Yeon and Ji Ah eat is a remix of Yeon’s theme, ‘The Fox’s Wedding Day.’

Sub: “Just because these ladies wear baggy pants in floral prints doesn’t mean they have kind hearts. Get digging, and you’ll find all sorts of dirty secrets.” Yeon’s line is more literally: 

Yeon: Living is all the same [everywhere]~ Just because grannies in the countryside wear flower-patterned pants doesn’t mean that even their insides are flower-patterned. If you start digging, venomous and insidious years come pouring out. 

Ji Ah’s response then plays off of Yeon’s turn of phrase: “Is that the case for you too? I just wondered, ‘With what pattern did you live all those long years?’” (referring to the ‘pattern’ of his heart).

On a minor cultural note: the word Yeon uses is ‘mombbae pants’ (몸빼바지), which are a fashion(?) staple in the countryside. You’ll know what I mean if you run the hangeul through a google image search. That’s where the subs got ‘baggy’ from even though Yeon doesn’t explicitly say it. 

Sub: “Why have you been searching for your parents all this time?” Yeon’s line is more properly: “Then what about you? What has made you wait for your parents for such a long time?” 

Sub: “I’m the same. I’m waiting for the one I miss.” I would have translated this as: “I’m waiting for someone I miss,” which is literally what he says. 

Sub: “Why did you part ways when you still miss her this much?” This is a bit hard to translate into natural-sounding English. The word Ji Ah uses is ‘mi’ryeon,’ which means ‘lingering attachment.’ So her line is quite literally: “Your face is so full of lingering attachment, how did you come to part ways/break up?”

Sub: “The first being I loved was a human girl who ended up dying. It’s why I’m still hung up on her. Happy now?” Hmm... I would translate Yeon’s line as:

Yeon: My damn* first love was a human of all things, but she died, so I’m foolishly unable to let go of my lingering attachment. Happy now? 

[*Note: Yeon is cursing is the phenomenon of first love itself, not Ah Eum.]

His statement is witty, because the word he uses for ‘foolish’ is also pronounced ‘mi’ryeon.’ In this case, though, 'mi’ryeon’ means, ‘foolhardy and dense enough to be stubborn to a preposterous degree.’ Which is probably a fair assessment given he’s been waiting 600 years. The sub for this line made it sound like he’s saying, ‘I’m hung up on her because she’s a human girl who died,’ which would just be weird. 

Shin Joo Meets Yoo Ri

Okay, minor detail, but what exactly was Yoo Ri trying to accomplish here before Shin Joo stopped her from entering an off-limits area of the Snail Bride?

The BGM here is called ‘Skip a Beat’ (‘Kanju Jump’). I found the track title slightly surprising since it’s actually taken from an ad lib made by Kim Yong Ji (Yoo Ri) in a later episode. 

For anyone keeping track, Shin Joo and Yoo Ri are speaking in a mix of banmal and jondaetmal in this scene.

We next see Shin Joo on the phone with Yeon, whining about the whole ordeal and asking an unsympathetic Yeon to come back and retrieve his necklace for him.

Yeon’s line that’s subbed as, “Deadly?” could mean more than one thing. The line is literally, “What? The thief was deadly?” The word for ‘deadly,’ though, could equally mean that she was a knockout (i.e. gorgeous). It’s probably a bit of both.

Subs: “There’s nothing more pathetic than being blinded by a woman’s beauty...” / “But you also ruined your life by falling for beautiful woman.”  For the record, neither of them actually uses the word ‘beauty/beautiful’ here. I would translate this exchange as: 

Yeon: You... The most pathetic thing in the world, is being blinded by a woman, and... 

Shin Joo: But being blinded by a woman and wrecking your life is something Lee Yeon-nim did too, isn’t it? 

Yeon: What, you punk?!

Lol Yeon’s “What, you punk?!” is a familiar refrain whenever Shin Joo unwittingly(?) insults Yeon. The word is ‘imma’ (임마) or sometimes ‘inma’ (인마). Yeon consistently uses the former.

‘Bad Fate’

Subs: “Why is that branch broken? It must’ve hurt.” Yeon is actually personifying the tree here, which makes sense seeing as he can communicate with it. So his line is more literally: “Now why has this kid gone and made a fuss breaking [his] branch? It must’ve hurt.” Which is cute.

I actually really appreciated this short scene of Yeon healing the tree. Yeon may no longer be the master of Baekdudaegan, but this scene showed that it’s still very much a part of who he is; not just his powers, but the care he has for the forest. 

Fun (?) fact: It turns out this simple scene was actually a huge pain to film. 

Subs: “I hope you grow well.” Actually: “Eat well and grow well.” I realize that sounds awkward in English, but the line is a directive. He’s once again speaking to the tree. 

Sub: “The wind is blowing from the northwest. Something is coming.” I would have translated this as: “A northwest wind blows... Something is coming.” That’s partly a tonal choice, but it’s also a more literal reflection of the original Korean. 

We finally catch back up to the end of EP02, as Jae Hwan calls Ji Ah from the library to tell her what he’s found. This time, we see her connect the first dead body in 1954 to what the forest spirit told them more explicitly. 

The dates of the four incidents are: August 13, 1954; August 25, 1961; September 6, 1979; and September 7, 1987. Ji Ah quickly deduces that these all work out to be the same date on the lunar calendar: July 15th. In 2020, that works out to be Wednesday, September 2nd. If you’ll recall, the wedding at the start of EP01 was held on August 29, so it’s only been 3 days since Yeon and Ji Ah crossed paths at the wedding hall. 

“Long time no see, Lee Yeon.” What is it with Imoogi and choking Yeon?

Subs: “You should’ve let me go.”  More precisely: “I know, right? You should have let me go.”

Yeon’s final “What are you?” should probably have been subbed as: “I’m asking what you are!” since both his tone and phrasing have grown more insistent. 

Subs: Our ill-fated relationship would’ve ended if you hadn’t stopped the boat from crossing the Samdo River. More literally:

Jimoogi: Our ak’yeon should have ended. That is, if only you hadn’t stopped the boat from crossing the Samdocheon. 

The word the subs translated as ‘our ill-fated relationship’ is ‘ak’yeon’ (悪縁), which literally means ‘bad fate.’ In contrast to the broader, ‘destiny’ sort of fate (‘un’myeong’) however, ‘yeon’ (縁) is inherently relational. It refers specifically to the fate between two people (or even between a person and a place). ‘Ak’ (悪) means ‘evil.’ So 'ill-fated’ is a bit misleading as a translation since the word actually refers to the relationship between Yeon and Imoogi (i.e. mortal enemies), rather than the fact that Yeon and Ah Eum’s story ended tragically (as in, ‘an ill-fated love’). 

WAIT. Subs: “No. That woman is born with a face that only I can recognize. And I don’t see it in you.” What?? That doesn’t even make sense. Yeon’s line is: 

Yeon: No. That woman is born carrying a sign that only I can recognize. You don’t have it. 

Obviously, Yeon is referring to the fox bead, and I’m fairly sure that was apparent since the line was intercut with the scene in which he imparts the bead to Ah Eum, but that seems like a pretty critical line to fudge up. 

Jimoogi: “You really don’t know anything, do you, Lee Yeon?” It’s weird to me that they have Imoogi addressing Yeon as just ‘Yeon’ in the subs. That makes it seem like they’re friends or something...

Subs: “The scar is gone.” Actually: “The wound disappeared.” 

Deadball

Subs: “We hate each other too much to play catch. I actually meant to kill you.” Wait, WHAT?! Yeon’s line is: 

Yeon: Our relationship is too makjang for that. That was meant to be a deadball, actually. 

Makjang, for the uninitiated, is a slang word taken from the phrase ‘the final scene’ (‘majimak jangmyeon’) that has come to refer to an entire genre, as well as particular dramatic elements or conventions of Korean storytelling. Dramabeans explain the term here. When Yeon says his relationship with Rang is ‘makjang,’ he’s essentially saying it’s overly fraught, not that he hates his brother. 

He also doesn’t say he meant to kill Rang. ‘Deadball’ is a Korean baseball term for a pitch that hits a player (typically causing the game to be paused). So Yeon’s just saying he meant for the ‘ball’ to hit Rang, rather than for Rang to catch it. 

On a personal note, it really bothers me when the subs spread all over the internet and they’re wrong like this. I don’t mind slight changes in phrasing or wording, but when they grossly misrepresent the characters like this it can be a bit upsetting. It’s no wonder I sometimes feel like I watched a completely different drama. ㅠㅠ

Yeon’s cheeky smile™ XD

The BGM in this scene is actually ‘The Forest of the Agwi.’

Subs: “Run away.” Yeon’s line is quite literally: ‘Get away from here,’ or even, ‘put distance between here and you.’ I mention it because I really appreciated that, despite all the danger she confronts, Yeon never once tells Ji Ah to ‘run away’ (‘domang ga’). His second ‘run away’ in the subs is also just him telling her to hurry up (literally ‘go quickly’).

The following banter between the brothers is something I mentioned in an ask a while back because all the humour had been lost in translation. To recap, though, one recurring joke the show uses plays off the word for ‘bastard/son of a bitch,’ which translates literally as ‘child of a dog’ (kae-saekki). As you might imagine, this gets a lot of mileage in relation to Rang, our resident ‘baby fox’ (agi yeou) a.k.a. ‘child of a fox’ (yeou-saekki):

Rang: This is domestic violence, you know?

Yeon: (Nodding) They say you’re supposed to raise wild children* with a firm hand (literally: hit them as you raise them), but I couldn’t do that, so I ended up raising a fox child into a dog child (son of a bitch), didn’t I?

Rang: And who was the jerk who kicked that child (saekki) to the curb? You treat me like a stray dog any chance you get. 

Yeon: My little brother, I’ll have to gift you a muzzle this Christmas. 

Rang’s line was subbed: “You keep blaming it on me, when you were the one who turned me into an orphan.” which I find fairly problematic since that makes it sound like Yeon killed Rang’s parents. It’s also just plain wrong; to the extent that I’m not even sure what went wrong in the translation process. 

The word Yeon uses here for ‘wild children’ is ‘horo jashik’ (호로자식), which many Koreans understand to mean something like a barbarian child, but the true origin, as it turns out, is a parentless child. It’s also a term used predominantly by elderly people heh

Finally, because the dog jokes dropped out ‘muzzle’ became ‘mouth guard’ in the subs, which is both less funny and less sensical. The two are also conceptually opposed, since ‘muzzle’ implies that Yeon means to protect the world from Rang whereas ‘mouth guard’ is more about protecting Rang.

As Ji Ah continues to put distance between herself and the brothers, she happens upon the mudang’s house, which she immediately clocks as such from the obangi. 

I like that Ji Ah doesn’t immediately call the mudang out for lying, but instead continues to question her knowing she’s lying. Sometimes the lies people tell can be as telling as the truth. 

When Ji Ah questions her, the mudang tells her the fishing ritual is held during the ‘Ghost Festival’. This is a Buddhist festival similar to All Souls Day. In Korean it’s called ‘Baek Joong Nal’ (literally ‘hundred-gather-day’) meaning ‘the day when all the spirits gather.’ It falls on the full moon of the seventh lunar month (so July 15th of the lunar calendar), which is, of course, the date Ji Ah identified as the day when the murders were taking place. That’s why we get the zoom in and the flash to the newspaper dates: Ji Ah has put everything together. 

Chyron: “Obangi (五方旗) A five-colored flag symbolizing ‘life, death, illness, sacrifice, and ancestors’”. This is the quick quotes version. Obangi have their roots in the Chinese philosophy of Wuxing, but for more on that, I’ll refer you to Wikipedia. In Korea, the colors of the obangi (red, blue, white, black, and yellow) are known as the five orientation colors, and are closely tied to both shamanism and fortune telling. You’ll notice these same colors flying outside the fortune teller’s in EP06.

I also appreciated that Ji Ah didn’t just foolishly drink the tea here. She was properly on her guard. It’s only that she mis-identified the source of danger.

Back over to our fox brothers. Rang’s line is subbed: “That was plenty of time.” This is more properly: “I think I’ve bought more than enough time by now.” So he’s actually quite overt in telling Yeon exactly what he'd been up to.  

Subs: “Don’t you know why she ended up on this island?” More closely: “Do you still not get it? Why that woman ended up coming to this island of all places?” 

We see the mudang encircle the creepy well with burial ground evening primrose to ward against Yeon, who is currently searching the island for Ji Ah to no avail. 

Subs: “You tricked your mom while you were in her womb.” This is a bit difficult to translate. The word the mudang uses that was translated as ‘tricked’ is ‘ggweda,’ which means to ‘lure’ or ‘entice.’ So what she means is that the part of Imoogi that was reincarnated with Ji Ah ‘lured’ her mother to the island by sending her recurring dreams. 

Gumiho

Lol Yeon: “I am the original mountain spirit, the master of the mountains and streams. Lift this darkness and lead me to her!” This is more literally:

Yeon: I am the original mountain god, the master of your mountains and streams.* Part this darkness and lead me to that woman!

[*Note: ‘Mountains and streams’ here can also be taken to mean ‘nature’ at large.]

Lol The line is met with silence and the soft hoot of a lone owl. That’s basically the director’s version of *crickets* isn’t it?

This line is another rare case in which Yeon speaks archaically, and it serves to make the command sound more formal and potentially magical. It’s also worth noting that he’s addressing the forest directly as a whole here (thus the ‘your’). 

Fun fact: When Lee Dong Wook did his TotNT VLIVE, his promotional team made him perform this line again live just to mess with him haha

The BGM here as Yeon heads off through the forest led by his (supernatural?) fireflies is ‘Opening Title: The Legend of the Fox.’ It sounds vaguely Harry Potter-ish to me (not complaining). 

For the record, Ji Ah is now speaking to the mudang in banmal out of disdain. 

Sub: “Be a sacrifice. You are a very special child.” Pfft ‘Be a sacrifice’ sounds oddly funny to me. Her line is: “Become a sacrifice. I’m told you’re a very special child.” So the implication is that this information came from someone/something else. 

Does anyone know what BGM this is as Yeon sprints though the forest? I think it might be another unreleased track, but I’m not positive...

Yeon’s “Halt!” is once again in olden speech. It indicates linguistically that he's in Gumiho mode.  

Out of curiosity, is it not odd for people watching with subs when Ji Ah’s only utterance is ‘Lee Yeon’ but the subs just say ‘Yeon’? 

Subs: “This has nothing to do with the old master of the mountain. Why don’t you keep walking?” I would have translated this as: “It is a matter unrelated to the former master of the mountain. Beg, go along your way.” She’s once again using olden-speech in her second sentence.

Lol Sub: “Says the living corpse.” I like this sub. Yeon’s line is quite literally: “With the ‘juje’ of a living corpse...” ‘Juje’ is essentially your station or lot in life, and it’s used almost exclusively derogatorily. 

Sub: “Who was it that provided you with longevity you don’t deserve?” More closely: “Who was it? The one who gave you a lifespan so much longer than you deserve?”

Yeon: “I asked you whom you serve!” (literally ‘what’ you serve). Yeon once again drops into an archaic cant for this line. It serves to underline his full age and gives his demand an extra air of authority. 

Yeon’s TAILS. I can’t believe this was the last we saw of them. ㅠㅠ Personally, I interpreted the firey tails as being a sort of ‘shadow’/ projection of his actual tails, which I assumed were actually more physically there (since he talks about shampooing them in the teaser interview). My sister thinks differently, though. Guess we’ll never know...

The BGM for this sequence is naturally ‘Gumiho.’ If you read our EP01 breakdown, you’ll know I was fully expecting this to be Yeon’s theme. But no, it’s the whimsical 'The Fox’s Wedding Day’ instead haha

Okay, Yeon just casually smiting the mudang is pretty badass. Seeing as he can command lightning, I’m pretty sure he was joking when he told Ji Ah, ‘even gumiho are afraid of electricity.’ 

If by chance you wondered what was going though Yeon’s mind when he smote the mudang, it’s featured in the EP03 subtitle poster.

I appreciated that Yeon just accepts Ji Ah at her word here when she tells him all she needs from him is one arm for support. I feel like in most dramas the male lead would have just forcefully swept the heroine off her feet amidst her protests, which I always find more problematic than romantic.

For that matter, when it became clear that Ji Ah really did need help, I appreciated that she didn’t act shy or coy and just accepted being carried without making a big deal of it. 

Pfft The way Ji Ah’s eyes flash when Yeon tells her the mudang was just a human being says it all. 

Yeon: “So you say... Excuse me, but you nearly died just now, you know?” This line is once again cheekily in jondaetmal.

*Ominous close up of the well*

Thank You

We catch up with Shin Joo at the supermarket as he talks to Yeon over the phone. 

Shin Joo’s ‘PD-nim’ has once again become, ‘the director lady’ in the subs. *Sigh*

Subs: “Your love story is more than just famous among us.” Actually: “Just how famous is Lee Yeon-nim’s love story in our world? It’s obvious your younger brother* must have been playing tricks!” 

Shin Joo refers to Rang here as ‘donsaeng-bun’ (younger sibling + polite word for person) for the same reason he calls Rang, ‘Lee Rang-nim.’ It’s an extension of his regard for Yeon, rather than for Rang himself.

Lol Shin Joo hanging up on Yeon. His love for supermarkets and fried chicken are actually in his character profile. Apparently, they’re what convinced him living as a human was worth the existential crisis that came with it. 

Sub: “I’m too much of a human to easily fall asleep after such an event. Join me.” More literally: “I’m human, so on a day like today I can’t sleep sober. You* have a glass, too.”

The word Ji Ah uses for ‘you’ here is ‘ja’ne’ (자네), which is a polite term... except it’s only used to refer to people younger than you. So’s she’s talking down to him politely haha This is what prompts Yeon’s line that follows it:

Sub: “I never said anything since it could make seem old-fashioned, but you’re too informal with me when you don’t even know my age.”

 Yeon: I kept holding it in thinking you’d call me an old fart, but you’re [using] banmal really blatantly. Just how old do you think I am?”

Yeon’s ‘Just how old do you think I am?’ is rhetorical. It’s not that Ji Ah is necessarily unaware of his true age, but rather that she acts as if she is. 

Sub: “Those over 60 are universally considered as grandpas.” Actually: “You know everyone over 60 can be called a grandpa, right?”

Pfft Sub: “Be as informal as you like.” What Yeon literally says is, “Please lower your speech,” but he uses very respectful language to say it. I’m not sure if he’s being sarcastic, or if he just hates the thought of being considered a grandpa that much haha It’s probably a bit of both.

Aww Ji Ah promising to protect Yeon. I luff her. 

Ji Ah: "Do I perhaps have something you’re looking for?” I love that she doesn’t miss a thing.

Lol Yeon: “Who am I, Jesus? Just drink what you have.” 

The Vanishing

Subs: “Don’t ever resort to cursing people again. Karma can sting.” Quite literally: “You were lucky you kept your life, but don’t do such a thing* as cursing others ever again. They return, you know. Back on the one who casts them.” 

*Yeon uses the disparagement marker ‘ddaui’ (따위) to refer to the act of cursing someone here. You may recall it from our EP01 breakdown. 

Ji Ah chooses this moment to come running in to announce that the island has turned into a ghost town over night, which is enough to make even Yeon pause, perplexed.  

I love the way Yeon and Ji Ah exchange looks here on the dock. They don’ t know what’s up yet, but they intend to find out. 

‘Blue Moon’~~~ This worked great scored over the drone-camera pan out. I may be slightly biased, though.  

And that concludes Episode 3. Once again, thank you to everyone who commented or left feedback on the last episode! Never hesitate to send me your thoughts, even if they’re just to say what you found funny or surprising. It helps me to know what’s of interest for one thing, but I also just enjoy chatting about the show. ;)

A brief note on pronunciation/notation: for words like ‘sa’ingeom’ and ‘mi’ryeon,’ the apostrophe is there just as a pronunciation guide. So in the case of the former, to indicate that it’s pronounced ‘sah-in’ and not ‘sine’ or ‘sane.’ Similarly, for the latter, the apostrophe is just to indicate that this should be pronounced ‘mi-ryeon’ and not ‘mir-yeon.’ I could have just as easily done this with ‘Hyeon’ui’ong’ except that’s a lot of apostrophes and I set an earlier precedent of not. It’s not an aspiration or anything fancy. Hopefully that makes sense. 

Once again, I’d like to credit my sister for being the main researcher and fact-checker for these, in addition to weighing in on all the translations. I don’t always take her advice, but I do always appreciate it haha. 

Thank you also to everyone who bought us coffee! Your support is truly felt and appreciated ♡ As usual, this took an ungodly amount of time, so every coffee helps haha. For anyone just joining us (or not), if you’d like to see more of these, please consider buying us a coffee. If you follow the link, you can buy a $2 cup of virtual coffee. This helps me to gauge how much interest there is, and also how much value people place on these. If you cared enough to read all the way to the end, please at least consider it. Once I’ve established there’s enough interest, I’ll proceed with Episode 4. ;)

[hockeytrashgoblin]

I’m Needy ~ Travis Konecny

A/N: Hi yall, a special treat for you! A two for one smut with Nolan and Travis! Not together but hey maybe later. I’m stressed, depressed, and dealing with it by writing smut. A Max Domi one is on the horizon. Enjoy!

*4 months earlier*

"(Y/n) just move in with me! I live right near the university!"

"No you don't you ween."

"I live pretty close. Come on it'll be perfect!"

"Trav please be serious for 5 seconds." I sighed loudly making him laugh. 

I'd been friends with Travis since we were kids. He was my brother and I's best friend actually. We're twins and Travis loved joking around about it. I would be lying if I said I didn't apply for a Philadelphia school to be closer to him again.

"I am being serious babes. I've got a two bedroom and it's big so all your shit will fit."

"I dont have that much shit."

"Pfft yeah okay."

"I can hear that eyeroll you bitch."

"It was deserved. But seriously (y/n) think about it."

"I don't want to crowd you teeks."

"You won't. I really want you to be close if you're gonna be here. Just promise you'll think about it? You've got a few months to decide still, I don't need an answer now."

"Okay I'll think about it."

"Promise?"

"Yes you goon, I promise."

*present time*

I didn't realize that living with Travis would entail so many parties. The parties weren't really an issue but watching him get drunk and grind all over countless girls was. No girls ever spent the night thank God. I always took care of Travis once the party was over. 

Now however the party was in full swing. I was sitting on the counter nursing a drink talking with Nolan while trying to keep an eye on Travis. A box-dye blonde laughed too loud at something he said. I rolled my eyes and Nolan made a gagging sound making us both laugh.

"How long do you think until they're in bed?" 

"Judging by how fucked up he is I'm surprised he's not fucking here right now." I said laughing with him.

"I'm just glad there's another person around to deal with him too now. Before I was the only one who would only get tipsy and make sure no one died."

"I don't like getting crazy drunk. Trav on the other hand.." I trailed off looking over to him mixing a bunch of alcohol together.

"He's fucking insane. I dont think he ever remembers what happened the next day."

Conversation flowed easily between Nolan and I as it always did. He was around so often so he had quickly become my best friend too. He was the only one who knew about my feelings for Travis.

"Hey how's your head? Should you really be at a party right now?"

"I'm fine mom." He said rolling his eyes and playfully shoving my shoulder.

"I just wanted to make sure." 

"I know, it's sweet that you care but I'm totally fine. Promise."

"Okay good." We were quiet for a bit before I spoke up again. "Hey do you want to hangout in my room instead? I'm getting kinda sick of watching Travis dry hump that girl."

"Yeah I get that. Let's go."

"We're cuddling. That's a threat." I said unlocking my door making him laugh.

"Alright."

"I'm touchy. It's worse with alcohol."

"You and Travis are exactly the same that way. You both need to touch someone all the time." I pulled him down into my bed.

"Yeah well touch me already Nol."

"Sounds like you're asking for something totally different."

"I wouldn't complain."

"Oh really?" He asked leaning to hover over me.

"I mean as long as it's clear we're just friends and I only have feelings for Trav, then why not?"

"That's clear. We're just two friends helping each other out. I don't have any feelings towards you either."

"Okay then fucking comere and touch me." I pulled him down and attached my lips to his. He moaned into it and rested some of his weight on top of me. I was trying to get our clothes off as quick as possible.

"Someone's eager." He mumbled into my neck.

"I haven't been this sexually frustrated since I was a teenager, I just need you to get in me already."

"Whatever you want (y/n)."

Soon enough our clothes were off and he was 3 fingers deep in me. His thrusts alternated between sharp and fast to rubbing along the inside walls of me and it was torture.

"Fuck Nols, your fingers feel amazing but I need more. Please?"

"Yeah. Yeah sorry do you have a condom?"

"Drawer." I said pulling him back in for a kiss. He blindly fumbled around but pulled back with a victorious smile on his face which made me roll my eyes and laugh. He quickly put it on and was hovering over me.

"Are you sure (y/n)?"

"Yes I'm sure. Make me forget about Travis for a few minutes yeah?"

"I'll be the only thing you're thinking about in a second." He said in my ear as he kissed my neck.

He guided himself into me and groaned loudly as he inched his way in. I was silent as I threw my head back trying to get adjusted to the intrusion.

"You okay?" He asked, kissing along my chest and collarbones.

"Yeah sorry, it's been a while. Like 6 months a while. I'm good though, you can move."

"Thank God. You're so tight, I'm not going to last as long as I want to."

"Fuck..you feel so good Nolan holy shit."

He built up a steady rhythm that had me moaning loudly underneath him. The only other sound you could hear from this room was skin on skin slapping as his thrusts picked up speed.

"How are you so wet that it doesn't even feel like I have a condom on fuck." I couldn't answer. I was a whining mess at this point. He chuckled and started rubbing my clit. "I can feel you getting close (y/n). You gonna come on my cock?"

"Yes, fuck Nolan, yes right there! Shit!"

"I'm close too. Want to get you there first though."

It didn't take long until I was finishing and screaming. The orgasm lasted long enough for Nolan to finish too and then some. He was fucking relentless on my clit. He collapsed on top of me out of breath and we were just quiet together for a minute.

"Not bad." I said making him snort.

"Yeah you weren't so bad either."

"Nice."

"Did I make you forget about Travis?"

"Yeah for a bit."

"He's gonna be so lucky once he fucking clues in that you like him."

"Yeah well we'll see if that ever happens."

"Come on we should get back out there. Who knows what kind of mayhem is happening out there."

"Yeah sure."

We went back out and couldn't find Travis anywhere. Nolan and I split up to try and ask around to find him. I ended up at Claude and he told me that he had gone to his room alone. The alone part shocked me but sure enough I saw that blonde from earlier hanging off of Nolan now. I laughed and winked at him before going off to find my boy. I knocked on the door and got no answer so I just unlocked it with my spare key. I got into the room and locked the door behind me.

"Tk?" I called out into the dark room.

"Hmph." I heard from the corner behind his bed.

"Trav, honey, what are you doing on the floor?" I asked crouching in front of him.

"Don't call me that I'm mad at you."

"Any particular reason why?"

"Hmph." He said again getting up.

"Travis talk to me why are you mad?"

"You fucked Nolan! You fucked my best friend!"

"Trav, what are you talking about?"

"I heard you! In your room. 'Fuck Nolan. You feel so good Nolan'." He imitated my voice and I rolled my eyes.

"I don't sound like that."

"Yes you did! Why did you do that?"

"Travis-"

"Why? Why fuck him when I've been right here the whole time? Your whole life pretty much? Why Nolan?"

"Travis listen-"

"No! No, I'm the one who loves you not him! I'm the one who wants to hold you and take care of you! I want to get to see your body not him! He's not better than me."

"He isn't Travis, no one is."

"Then why would you fuck my best friend (y/n)? When I want you so much why would you?"

"Travis I didn't know that. Nolan is my best friend too. There wasn't any feelings involved at all."

"So what you're just being a puck bunny now? Why would you do that? You're too good for that." He asked getting more upset than angry.

"Travis, love, I think you need to go to bed. We can talk about this later, alright? Promise."

"Okay fine. Will you sing me to sleep please?"

"Of course Trav." I sat on the bed next to him and started singing brushing hair off his face trying to relax him to sleep. Eventually it worked and I left the room to help clear out people and clean up after them.

"How's the baby?" Nolan asked.

"Not great. He's sleeping but he's upset with me."

"Why?"

"He heard us.."

"You mean?"

"Yeah he heard it all. He's like mad at me Nols."

"I'm sure it'll be okay. Travis holds grudges but I don't think he could ever hold one seriously against you."

"I hope you're right."

The rest of the night was spent quiet until everyone went home. I tried to sleep, I really did, but I was so upset that Travis was mad at me that I just stayed up all night crying. I eventually gave up and went to the living room to do some school work. I had a couple essays due in a couple weeks and if I didn't have to worry about them anymore that would be ideal. I didn't notice how late in the morning it was getting until Travis came stumbling through to the kitchen.

I started gathering up my things to go back into my room. I got everything in my arms and tried to quickly leave the room, almost crashing into him in the process.

"Shit sorry.."

"Watch where you're going." He said in a snarky tone.

"Sorry I just- sorry." I sighed looking down and left. I closed the door and cried again. I got my essays done and handed in by noon. I knew Travis was probably just sitting around but I didn't necessarily want to bother him so I stayed in my room. I cleaned for a while but I mostly just laid there quietly, confused. Until he barged in of course.

"You planning on ever leaving this room?"

"Nope."

"It's dinner time come on let's order something."

"I'm not hungry."

"Bull, you haven't eaten all day."

"I just don't really have an appetite today I'm sorry."

"Stop with this shit and pick what you want to eat." He said getting snarky again.

"I don't want to Travis."

"Well you have to."

"Maybe I shouldn't. I better start watching my weight if I'm just some fucking puck bunny now right?" I said with an edge in my voice.

"What are you talking about? You're not a puck bunny, who told you that?"

"You did. Last night."

"Last night..? Are you sure I said that to you?" I shot him a look and he raised his hands in surrender. "Okay dumb question sorry."

"You don't remember saying that to me? So you don't remember saying anything else to me either then?"

"I remember most of last night. I just can't believe that I'd say something like that to you. You know that's not what I think of you right?" I just shrugged and he came to sit beside me on the bed. "I have never thought that about you. I think too highly of you for that."

"You did tell me last night I was too good for that."

"I meant that part."

"Okay."

"I also remember you putting me to bed promising we would talk later about you fucking my best friend." He spit out the last few words. "I can't believe you would do that."

"Travis it didn't mean anything."

"It meant something to me."

"Travis I'm sorry okay?"

"It isn't okay."

"Well it should be. I'm an adult and you're not my dad. Plus I have to watch you like twice a week get drunk and fuck whoever will let you! That means something to me too."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I don't want you to fuck all those girls. Last night you asked me why I fucked Nolan when you've always been right here for my whole life. What was that supposed to mean?"

"I don't want to answer that question."

"For fuck sake Trav why not?"

"Because I don't want to."

"God you know why I've never chosen you my whole life?"

"No and I don't think I want to."

"Too bad."

"Rude."

"I never chose you growing up because you never made yourself an option! You were always too scared and you spent years making me look stupid pining after you. Even now when I'm pretty much confessing 13 years of built up feelings for you you still can't give me any answers. I never picked you because you never grew a pair and made yourself an option for me to pick. Because if you had I would've picked you over and over and over again. I pretty much did anyway."

"I didn't know you felt like that."

"How could you not have known all this time? Everyone knows."

"Well no one told me."

"That's bull. My brother teased us both about it so much."

"Yeah but I just thought he was being an idiot."

We were quiet for a minute both just sitting there not really looking at each other. I had just confessed almost everything to him and he still wasn't saying a single thing back.

"Look Trav, I'm sorry I slept with Nolan. I was fucking frustrated."

"Whatever, don't worry about it." He said getting up and going to the door.

"Travis wait!" I called to him, my voice cracking with tears. He turned around and frowned at me. "Did you really not mean anything you said last night?"

He didn't answer. Just shrugged and left my room. I wanted to cry again but the tears had run dry and I wanted answers. I got up and found him by the front door slipping his shoes on.

"I'll be back whenever, I'm going out." He reached to open the door but I reached past and slammed it. "What the fuck?"

"You're not going anywhere until I get some fucking answers, you fuckhole."

"I have no answers."

"Then we're gonna be here a long damn time huh?"

"You're fucking insane." He rolled his eyes and tried to leave but I boxed him in against the door. This shouldn't have worked at all. He was much bigger and stronger than me but he just stayed put. Well for the most part. He kept wiggling around so I pushed forward so most of my body was pressed up against his, my knee between his legs.

"Fucking talk to me you coward."

"What do you want me to say (y/n)? I'm fucking mad at you. I don't want to talk."

"We have to talk because if we don't you're going to be super mad at me forever and I'm not having that shit. We're not allowed to be ruined by me sleeping with someone."

"It was my best friend."

"I know Trav."

"You should've at least asked me, talked to me about it or something."

"You want me to ask permission to get fucked?"

"At least by Nolan yeah." He said shrugging.

"You're fucking delusional teeks."

"Why? Why is it too much to ask for you to let me know if you're going to be with someone?"

"Why are you acting so jealous?"

"M'not jealous." He said quickly making me laugh.

"You are fucking so! You can't just sit on the ground last night whining about 'why isn't it me? Why won't you fuck me instead?' then be all pushy today about it and expect me to believe that you're not jealous. You're so jealous. Why?"

"You shouldn't have slept with him."

"Love, we're well past that. I'm sorry." I said exasperated, bringing my hands down around his waist to hug him. "I'm sorry."

"Would you do it again?"

"Honest answer, if I got as frustrated and desperate as I was last night again and he offered I would."

"Goddamn woman, what had you so fucking horny that you decided that was the move?" He asked, rolling his eyes.

I decided to push the boundaries a little. Just to see what would happen. I couldn't make it any worse. I shifted my weight making my thigh run against Travis' dick making him gasp. I put my hands on his hips and pulled him closer to me.

"You did."

"Me?" He looked genuinely shocked by that answer.

"Yes you. Always you. How could you not gather that?"

"I don't know.."

"You always talk such a big game about how you can tell what a girl wants but can't figure out that I fucking want you?" I asked brushing my thigh against him again. I could feel him getting hard and it made my mind race. He wasn't stopping me, he wasn't disgusted by me.

"I thought you were always too annoyed with me to want me in any way."

"No Trav."

"I always thought I was too much."

"Travis you're not too much for me. You never have been. You never will be." I pressed against him again making him groan.

"Fuck.." he whispered before lifting me up, making me squeal. He carried me into his room and threw me on the bed before crawling over me. I instinctively put my hands on his hips and he held my face and half my neck in one of his hands.

"Trav.."

"Did you really mean everything you said?" He asked looking desperate and vulnerable. Not something I was used to from my boy but I did love that he felt that he could be that way in front of me.

"Of course Travis. Every word." 

"So you really don't think I'm too much?"

"Of course not."

"And you'd really choose me if it was an option?" He asked not looking at me anymore. I reached my hands up to either side of his face to make him look at me.

"Over and over and over again. I would choose you so fast, love."

And suddenly his lips were on mine in a soft but desperate kiss. It was years of hidden feelings being poured into it and it was a little overwhelming, not gonna lie. He pulled back and had the biggest smile on his face which made me smile too of course. The boys smile was contagious always.

"I really want you to choose me."

"Are you finally giving me the chance to?"

"Yes. Please (y/n)?"

"Yes Travis, I'm choosing to be with you. You're mine."

"You're mine." He said nipping at my bottom lip.

"Yours." I said pulling him down on top of me kissing him again. It was way more heated this time as he pushed himself against me making me moan quietly.

"Come on, you can be louder than that." He teased rolling his eyes.

"So make me be louder than that Tk."

"Oh I fucking plan to babygirl." He sat up to take his clothes off and I did the same, really just wanting to feel Travis on my skin finally. "You're always so loud in your room alone."

"Maybe I wanted you to hear me."

"Well I did." He was holding his dick and stroking it lazily. "I've touched myself like this to your sounds so often. That seems creepy to say, sorry."

"Don't be. I touch myself to the sounds of you too. When you're fucking some random girl I do and imagine it's me you're pounding into the bed."

"No more imagining. You're going to be pounded into this bed today."

"Please Travis? Want it so bad. Feel how wet I am for you babe." I took his hand and brought it down to me. He slipped two fingers in and we both moaned.

"This pussy is fucking water babe. I did that to you?"

"Every fucking day you do this to me Travis."

"And it took you 4 months to crack and fuck someone? Babygirl how did you not go crazy?"

"I did." I said shrugging.

"I'm gonna fuck you so good. Better than Nolan."

"Babes it's not a competition."

"Sure." He said waving it off. "I'm not gonna prep you anymore. You're probably still good from last night yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm good. Get in please?"

"How can I say no to that?" He leaned down to kiss me quick. "You want a condom?"

"Are you clean?"

"Yeah I always use condoms and the team check us every couple months."

"If you always use them why are you asking me?"

"Because you're special (y/n). I trust you and I just kinda really want to feel you. If that's okay."

"Yeah it's okay. Fuck me raw Trav. I love that shit."

"Did Nolan fuck raw?"

"No he didn't." I said making him smile.

"Then I'm special too." He said slowly thrusting into me. My mouth dropped open and I just nodded. "Feel good baby?"

"Fuck Travis. Move. Please fuck me?"

"So fucking needy." He chirped before starting up a steady rhythm. It wasn't fast at all like I thought it would be. He was fucking me like he had all day to do so, which I mean technically he did but it was again overwhelming. His thrusts were powerful but still lazy at the same time. He had me moaning and writhing on the bed underneath him. He left kisses up and down my neck, shoulders, chest, anywhere he could reach really. It lasted a long time and I was really savoring every moment with him. I finished a couple times in the time he was fucking me, touching me, and loving on me. He had already finished once too but he just kept fucking through it. His pace started picking up again.

"You close again baby?" I asked, brushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes.

"Yeah. Fuck. You feel so fucking good. Look amazing finally wrapped around my dick like I've wanted you for so long."

"I've wanted you just as long baby. Cum for me, love." I said kissing kis neck and scratching down his back.

"Shit.. fuck okay." His speed increased a lot and all you could hear was skin slapping together, me whining, and travis grunting. Arguably he was the hottest sound in the room. He was really pounding into me hard and I finished again all over his dick as he came inside me. He collapsed on top of me breathing heavy. We were quiet for a while just trying to calm down. He grabbed a tshirt off the ground and wiped us both down. He got back in bed and laid on top of me. We laid there for a while longer quietly just me running my fingers through his hair and him tracing patterns on my bare skin.

"You can leave if you want now."

"What?" I asked him confused as he rolled off me.

"You can go. Now that you got what you want, you don't have to stay here."

"Travis I- what? What on earth are you talking about?"

"You fucked me like you always wanted to, you can go. I'll be around next time you want to."

"Travis Konecny you're a fucking idiot."

"Um okay ouch? Why?" I rolled my eyes and threw my leg around him holding him close to me. 

"Is that really all you got out of everything I said today? That I just wanted to fuck you?"

"Well you did didn't you?"

"Of course I did. But I meant everything else I said too. I'll choose you everytime and not just for sex. I choose you for everything. I want to be yours. I want you to be mine. I thought I made that clear."

"You didn't." He let out a sigh of what I guess was relief and hugged me closer.

"Maybe you're just dense, love."

"I could be." He said with a smirk.

"Well just to make everything crystal clear, I want you to be my boyfriend Teeks. I always have."

"Really?!" He yelled in my ear.

"Ow you fucker, yes."

"Oops."

"I'll fucking oops you." I said kissing his jaw.

"I was really expecting you to just want a friends with benefits kind of thing. I was ready to settle for that."

"Travis you never have to settle for anything. You never have in any aspect of your life and never will. I want this with you."

"You really want to be with me? Even though you know how I am? What if you get sick of me?"

"It's been 16 years and I'm not sick of you yet. I want to be with you Travis. All of you. Angry Travis, happy Travis, sad Travis, stressed Travis, overexcited Travis. All of it."

"Really?"

"Yes really. Now stop trying to push me away and just date me already."

"Okay deal. You're mine now. Get fucked Nolan."

"Oh my God." I said rolling my eyes.

"Was I at least better than him in bed?"

"Trav-"

"No tell me, I wanna know."

"You were better but his dick was bigger. Do with that what you will. As long as you know that I'm never ever going to sleep with Nolan or anyone else for that matter until you get sick of me and dump me."

"Never going to happen babygirl." He kissed my forehead, making me blush. "So just me and you now? Exclusively us?"

"Yeah unless you don't want that?"

"Oh no I absolutely want that. I'm not sharing you with anyone."

"Me neither."

"I'd never hurt you like that."

"You better not or I'll tell your mom."