#This post was brought to you by a late diagnosed autistic

[vally-vall-vall]

There were always signs

[signanothername]

I’m now convinced the reason why Dream finds out he’s autistic is because of either blue or ink

Both of which is where they assume he knows he’s autistic and just say to someone else or in a conversation with mentioning they are both autistic

I feel like blue is more likely because I hc that blue knows he’s autistic, either from diagnosis or from extensive study and self diagnosis

And it’s worse because Blue had clocked Dream as autistic really early on, either subconsciously or consciously, this is the entire reason they get along as well as they do and it’s why Dream feels better around blue not just from the whole autism sense thing but also because BLUE HAS BEEN ACCOMMODATING HIM THE WHOLE TIME

HE JUST NEVER BROUGHT IT UP BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WAS RUDE AND THST DREAM WAS SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT IT

My very dear follower Tatogender, tell me how does it feel to have the biggest brain on earth?

CAUSE THATS EXACTLY WHAT I BELIEVE TOO EEEEE

Cause I completely agree! Blue does know about his own Autism! (I like to believe he’s self diagnosed after extensive research) And he almost immediately realized that Dream’s Autistic and therefore kept accommodating Dream’s needs! And he’s the one that ends up bringing the concept of Autism up, and you have zero idea how Dream experiences the relief of finally understanding himself and that he’s not alone in his Autism, but also the frustration of years of internalized ablesim and shame he felt for things he shouldn’t have felt ashamed about (the boi is gonna experience a shutdown over it)

To me, Ink doesn’t really know about his own Autism (at first) he only knows about his Adhd, but he does know that Dream’s Autistic! Ink just never brought it up cause he assumed Dream already knew about it and cause his memory doesn’t really help (but imma leave it at that here cause I have an ask in my inbox asking about Ink’s Audhd so imma ramble about it there)

BUT YES YES YESSSSS!!! DREAM FEELS SO COMFORTABLE AROUND BLUE CAUSE BLUE KEPT ACCOMMODATING HIM AAAAAH

AND YOU CAN IMAGINE THE GUILT BLUE WOULD FEEL FOR BRINGING IT UP SO LATE, BUT DREAMS LIKE SUPER THANKFUL BLUE BROUGHT IT UP AT ALL REGARDLESS CAUSE BETTER LATE THEN NEVER YKNOW???

(Dream being besties with the Swap bros will be the end of me guys they make me so soft /pos)

———

Apple twins autism post

[mariska]

hi friends. mainly making this post on here in case my friends have noticed me absent socially from pretty much all my main interactions social media places cus i have very very little to no social skills/energy and i dont want folks worrying about my inability to talk like at all lately even through text instead of voice.

a few days ago my grandpa passed away after a brief amount of time in hospice care with mainly my moms looking after him in shifts. he was in his 90's so it was somewhat expected but it still happened really quick in the grand scheme of things and i'm not coping well at all with it, especially because i was too scared of visiting him these past couple months for multiple reasons having to do with me being immunocompromised more so than usual on a new hormone med i've been taking, my severe agoraphobia, and to be completely honest, i could not bear to see him in a slow state of death because i knew the image would never leave my head.

we were always really close. he was on my non-biological side of my family (i have 2 moms and was born via known donor father so im only genetically related to one side of my family and they don't live in the US) but he was absolutely autistic (never formally diagnosed but fit all the criteria to a T the same way i did before getting diagnosed, like VERY similarly to me it was almost eerie in a good way), he was there when i first started learning how to swim cheering me on when i was very little visiting him and my (also deceased) grandma with my moms, he sent me custom printed birthday + christmas cards using his own scanned family photos and 90's tower computer (that he originally built on his own originally, he loved building computers especially when i was little and it was like The New Home Tech Thing, only reason my family even had a computer when i was growing up is because he custom built one for us and sent us sheets and sheets of instructions on how it all worked and how to install things and such), he gifted me my first digital art tablet in my tweens/early teens (which if you know me, digital art eventually became my main and preferred visual art medium for drawing/painting and i still use the same brand of usb plug in tablets today that the original gifted one was).

anyways. sorry for rambling it's just been. um. like very hard. trying to. get through the days. i also had an extremely re-traumatizing doctor's appointment the same day he died (my mom who took me did not tell me before the appointment and waited until after which i am genuinely so thankful for theres no way i would have been able to go to that appt if i'd had his death on my mind beforehand) and, thankfully again, the doctor i saw is a very very kind trauma-informed woman who was super patient and understanding with me, and knew the appointment would be traumatizing cus we had discussed why that would be at the previous first appointment i had with her and she did all she could on her end to help make it less stressful and scary for me, but, y'know. still brought back some very intense personal trauma that i've only really started trying to mentally process in the past few years.

so that is. a very abridged explanation as to why i have not been able to reply to most messages on here and texts and discord and such and i'm super super sorry about being so MIA. i just do not have the ability to let everyone know individually why i am disappearing in and out from plans and conversations so i'm hoping most of you will see this post here and that way i maybe won't feel as bad as i do about very much unintentionally ghosting so many of you that i truly care about very much 💔

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

I know I don't post a ton of personal stuff on here these days (ah, the joy of having irl friends! Tumblr need no longer be my journal lol) but for some reason I feel compelled to share this, so here you are:

After a couple years of wondering, I decided to really buckle down and do some research--take some psychometric and diagnostic tests, learn about the experiences of those who have been late diagnosed, and do a lot of vulnerable self reflecting--and I've started to accept that I think I may be autistic. (My brother has been telling me this for a while, but I kind of ignored it, because the one time I brought it up to my therapist, she shut it down pretty quickly because I also had trauma. I'm now beginning to wonder if my C-PTSD diagnosis was really just a misdiagnosis...but I did really have trauma, so who knows. Maybe I have both.)

I'm planning on pursuing this further this summer, when I have more time (yay being a teacher!) and can really lean into the process. The area I live in apparently has some really good resources for adult diagnosis and support, which is encouraging. And although I can't shake the lingering fear that I might be wrong and "I'm just weird because I'm messed up," the more research I do the more I feel it might be a real possibility. At least one worth getting formally evaluated.

There are a lot of reasons I think this, which are too personal and numerous to go into here, but yeah--I just wanted to let y'all know. Not entirely sure why, this just feels like the right spot to say it.

And I think Spock would be proud of me. :)

[koushirouizumi]

{Blog P.S.A} For New Followers

Where to Find Me: MY "ABOUT"+F.A.Q {READ FIRST}: Here (About) + Here (F.A.Q)! {People who don't even glance at these before leaving commnts inquiring about my Thoughts on Things get Ignored} [Trust Me I'll Know] AO3: Hikari {Currently/Mainly creating for Digimon, Adventure-related franchise} [also appears at times: 02, tri.~Kizuna~The Beginning, Frontier; less often: Xros Wars {Pt 2 of original XW is my personal favorite}/Young Hunters; Ghost Game; Tamers; Wonderswan games-verse; everything post-02 mainly being original Japanese version based] Other {+Digi}-Sideblogs: izzyizumi (main Digimon blog) hikari-m (official Digimon {news+art} archiving+general Fandom commentary; Asks or follows may come from here, Depending) taichi-x-koushiro (Archiving for Yagami Taichi/Izumi Koushiro as Ship) IF YOU ARE A NEW FOLLOWER OR LURKER, I'd really appreciate if you can send me an Ask (you could also leave a quick introductory comment here, on my pinned post) and introduce yourself (you do not need to expect a response from me), even a short description like name (Pennames are definitely fine!), preferred pronouns (if any) and/or what brought you to my page and what you're staying for (Especially if you were here for resource{s} posts/reblogging, I've been curious if they've been helping anyone!) The reason I am asking this is because lately there's been a huge uptick of spam blogs following with particular "patterns" to their Likes, Follows, etc. and in order to prevent from being softblocked by accident if you are not actively blogging, it'd be great to know in advance if you're a real person. Aside from AO3 the only other 'active' archives of social media that I have are my much older Livejournal and Dreamwidth accounts, and even they're not quite in use these days. However, if you also have active LJs or DWs and actively blog, feel free to let me know too!

{And, for Clarification to anyone "Wondering"}:

[No, I will not discuss related current events further than this or in Tags. Anyone who attempts to push my boundaries on this will get Blocked]

It’d be very, very cool if people could also learn to read my FAQ page linked on the sidebar before sending Asks or interacting directly with either of my blogs or myself, because I’m seriously TIRED of people ignoring it and my rules for interaction.

I am a {diagnosed since childhood} Autistic, G.N.C {Gender Non-conforming} + THEY/THEM Jewish blogger. I reblog about those topics here for that reason. {Also my Ko-fi is here.}

* PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW OR INTERACT WITH ANY OF MY POSTS IF YOU BLATANTLY HATE/DISMISS, OR EXPECT ME TO HATE/DISMISS THE ADVENTURE [+02] + TRI + KIZUNA + 2020 CHOSEN, KOUSHIRO (*ANY KOUSHIRO, INCLUDES FOR EXAMPLE: TRI!KOUSHIRO, OWG!KOUSHIRO, 2020!KOUSHIRO, KIZUNA!KOUSHIRO), TAICHI (*ANY TAICHI, INCLUDING 2020!TAICHI, TRI!TAICHI, KIZUNA!TAICHI), DAISUKE MOTOMIYA (or “DAVIS”), SORA TAKENOUCHI (*INCLUDING 02!SORA, TRI!SORA, 2020!SORA, KIZUNA!SORA), HIKARI YAGAMI (*INCLUDING 02!HIKARI, TRI!HIKARI, KIZUNA!HIKARI, 2020!HIKARI), MIMI TACHIKAWA (*INCLUDING 02!MIMI, TRI!MIMI, KIZUNA!MIMI, 2020!MIMI), MIYAKO INOUE (*INCLUDING KIZUNA!MIYAKO), ALL/ANY OTHER DIGIMON GIRLS SUCH AS IZUMI ORIMOTO {FRONTIER}, JURI KATOU {TAMERS}, JUN MOTOMIYA {02}, OR MEIKO MOCHIZUKI. THANK YOU (I WILL PERMABLOCK IF YOU FORCE-INTERACT OR BLOCK EVADE)

* PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW OR INTERACT IF YOU CAN’T STAND MY SHIPS TO THE POINT YOU CAN’T EVEN BE RESPECTFUL WHEN INTERACTING WITH SOMEONE WHO SHIPS YOUR NOTP. (I WILL PERMABLOCK YOU IF I NOTICE)

** THESE RULES ALSO APPLY TO MY OTHER BLOG.

*** DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU SUPPORT HARASSMENT / BULLYING / ABUSE (I WILL INSTANTLY PERMA-BLOCK YOU) OR IF YOU SUPPORT / PLATFORM PEOPLE WHO DO.

NOTICE: I am much less active on a personal level on this blog nowadays (in the sense of making personal posts or fan-works/posting fic; I still reblog informative posts). I am slightly more active on my other socials, but most of them are private and friends-locked to older groups of mutuals. If you are curious or wanting to interact about Digimon (especially Adventures or about my favorite characters and ships for this fandom) specifically, please feel free to message me about them, but please understand I may not add or speak with anyone that I do not fully trust or know well. (It will help if most of your stances on social-justice issues align with and don’t blatantly conflict with my own. I tend to not add/follow people anywhere whose posts I cannot filter [i.e. there are many popular Western media fandoms / mega-fandoms I’m not in which I blacklist, types of fanworks I don’t personally care for that I blacklist, etc]. I do not do follow-backs so please do not follow or interact here expecting one). It will also help if you read my FAQ first and agree to it before asking.

PLEASE FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH MY FANDOMS LIST (notably more the major fandoms but) BEFORE YOU INTERACT WITH ANY POST ON THIS BLOG. If I check/quick-vet your blog and find nothing but hate{watching} posts/“Critical” posts for my fandoms (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE), unless I’ve reblogged from you first, I MAY HARDBLOCK YOU.

[an-inspired-eternity]

I just saw the post you reblogged about loving people with neurological disorders and as someone with a large handful of them (stroke, memory issues, migraine and epilepsy to name a few) it made me so so fucking happy to see and soothed my soul so much. They're things I face a lot of stigma for because I've had them since I was super young, and most people forget young people can experience them at all. Seeing the reminder that I'm very lovable despite it brought me a lot of joy. Thank you.

it is very late here when i answer this bc i make bad choices about my sleep habits but of course!! all are welcome, i myself am.. Very autistic (on top of Other Things like also having diagnosed anxiety and adhd) so i definitely understand the struggles but i promise everyone who deals with it is very loved 🫂🫂🫂

[memorantia]

I technically dont know im autistic because im not diagnosed and its more like peoppe around me have told me they think i am (whether it be in a nice way or not might i add 🙁 lately its also sometimes been in a weirdly... attempting romance way? like slow your roll buddy im not this way to make you happy in that way, all apologies, but get outta town!) and like i also have had most close friends that are autistic and even if i am neurotypical and just bad at it, I resonate with autistic people and im glad peoppe seem to be normalizing autism because the world we live in needs to be more open to more minds in general. I sometimes think about how some cultures have been brought to near if not outright erasure only to have the remains pushed together into some commodified "idealized" zombie of what once was and everyobody forgets about the people the ideas came from who died for their beliefes and culture and everyone just keeps forgetting and stuff. I hope we can love autistic people, weird people, all people because anyone who isn't an active harm is an active heal in my opinion and i hate seeing people get put down now that I see no good comes from it. I mean I know there are exceptions but work that out with yourself I don't want to sit and think about it because I am tempted to rant once more. Anyway part of my point is that I'm thankful for autistic acceptance being on the rise (perhaps, its hard to tell) because people do treat me more like an eccentric now and less as a fuck up. For most of my early life people really really didnt like me and though it was eventually deserved because I started being a big cunt wagon to everyone, at first it was because I wasnt likeable, because I said stupid things I thought were funny but everyone elae found embarrassing, etc. My kindergarten teacher got so mad that 8 couldn't hold a pencil and didn't care that I wasnt holdijg it right and refused to change how I held it. She got so mad she called me a slur. No one else in class really understood or cared, and my family used the word kinda flippantly so I thought it was just a word like dumb. Later in 1/2nd whenever I was sent to the principals office these 2 ladies would gossip about me right in front of me and would call me dirty because i would crawl on the floors if I wanted to or play in whatever at recess and yes it did make me kind of dirty. But at least i was alive! When I was in middleschool/early Highschool i got really mean and tried to avoid cringe as much as I could brinf myself to, and would shame others especially online. But in the past 3 or so years I've slowly let go, and today I feel very very free abd try to be as kind to others as I can (when I'm not in evil mode I mean. I'm also very VERY evil). There is so much to love about how everyone is wired a bit differebtly, how everyone was born in a slightly different moment and spot, and how every combination makes the world more complete. If you push people to only be certain things you get very tall islands. But the ocean needs more filling, methinks. Sorry to unleash all this I know no one will see this or be particularly changed by some weirdos surface level takes, but this post sure did speak to me. In conclusion, I love cringe of all forms! We are enemies no longer.

The hard truth about autism acceptance that a lot of people don't want to hear is that autism acceptance also inherently requires acceptance of people who are just weird.

And yes, I mean Those TM people. Middle schoolers who growl and bark and naruto run in the halls. Thirtysomethings who live with their parents. Furries. Fourteen-year-olds who identify as stargender and use neopronouns. Picky eaters. Adults in fandoms. People who talk weird. People who dress weird.

Because autistic people shouldn't have to disclose a medical diagnosis to you to avoid being mocked and ostracized for stuff that, at absolute worst, is annoying. Ruthlessly deriding people for this stuff then tacking on a "oh, but it's okay if they're autistic" does absolutely nothing to help autistic people! Especially when undiagnosed autistic people exist.

Like it or not, if you want to be an ally to autistic people, you're going to have to take the L and leave eccentric, weird people alone. Even if you don't know them to be autistic. You shouldn't be looking for Acceptable Reasons to be mean to people in the first place. Being respectful should be the default.

[eldritchsurveys]

1250.

Do you have a large dog? If not, are you afraid of them? >> I don't have a dog at all. I am not afraid of large dogs, I grew up with them and am quite accustomed.

Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you didn’t say it back? >> Sure. This common belief that you have to say it back and if you don't it's a grave insult or means you are not in any way interested in the other person is incredibly silly.

Who is your favorite photographer? >> Taysa Jorge is one. I actually have others that I like even more but I don't remember their names; I actually started keeping an Obsidian file of my favourites in various categories (like photographers, artists, types of plants, etc) because I would get questions like this and be like "AAAGHHH I can't REMEMBER" but unfortunately that's a rather recent file so it hasn't been fully populated yet. Were you shy in high school? >> I wouldn't say that.

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? .

Do you actually love your parents? >> There is no love shared between me and my parent.

Do you know anyone autistic? >> I do.

Do you like your girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s parents? .

Do you like Polaroid photography? >> It's fine.

Who was the last family member of yours that died? .

Do you have any gay family members? .

Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? >> I would not be upset in the slightest if someone I was involved with watched porn. Can't imagine why I would be, either.

Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? . Were you raised by someone other than your parents? >> I was not.

What’s the last chore you did? >> Put the trash bin out for collection.

What is your favorite jungle animal? .

Is your father injured? .

Are you part Native American? >> Possibly. It doesn't matter, though.

What are your pets’ names? .

Have you ever worked two jobs? .

Would you ever get a face tattoo? >> Probably not.

Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? . What is the cruelest thing a person has ever said to you? >> Let's not even go down that rabbit hole.

Who have you most feared in your life? >> Various family members.

What is your strongest reason for your opinion on abortion? >> I value bodily autonomy above many things and I also think children should primarily be had by people who want them and can provide for them. They should not be brought into existence by coercion or force.

What one natural thing would you most like to see? >> Everyone has been going on about the aurora borealis lately and I'm so aggravated that I sleep at night. I always think that they won't be visible where I am anyway because of light pollution which made me feel better about missing out on them because I need to fucking sleep but last night someone posted a shot from an intersection 10 minutes' walk away from me. So. Fuck me, I guess.

Do you like the game Tetris? >> Meh.

What’s the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done? >> Exist.

Have you ever wanted to be a model? >> I have not. Do you like your name how it’s spelled? >> Sure.

Who was your first online friend? .

Do you know anyone who has road rage? >> Not personally.

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? >> Mildly. Which is still too much, but.

Have you ever tried to break up anyone because YOU liked the guy/girl? >> I have not. What’s a condition you have that you haven’t been officially diagnosed with? >> I am autistic and I have CPTSD. No one needs to officially diagnose me with either of those, it's pretty glaringly obvious that I have them.

Which one of your parents do you think is smarter? .

[aspyn-posts]

Intro Post

I was bored and haven’t made one of these so here we go!

General

✨ My name is Aspyn (pronounced like Aspen- people have been confused about it before)

✨ I AM A MINOR

✨ My pronouns change a lot but most of the time it/its is good

✨ my gender is unlabeled and I’m aroace

✨ I have a queerplatonic partner and if you knew me you’d know I never stop talking about them

✨ I have diagnosed depression and technically undiagnosed generalized anxiety disorder but every medical professional who’s brought it up says I have it

✨ It’s very likely that I’m either autistic, ADHD, or both

Religion

✨ I am pagan, specifically omnitheist (I believe in all Deities from all faiths) but I mainly worship Hellenic Deities (and one Norse God)

✨ I am an Aphrodite Devotee

✨ I worship (in alphabetical order) Apollo, Ares, Artemis, Asclepius, Athena, Dionysus, Gaea, Hypnos, and Loki

✨ Nobody IRL knows I’m pagan so my altar and stuff are hidden and I can’t offer as much as I wish I could

✨ Most of my posts lately have been about paganism and the Gods

✨ I post offerings on @just-pagan-things

Interests

✨ I love to crochet

✨ I have always been a big reader- my favorite genres are fantasy, dystopian, and sci-fi

✨ I enjoy writing and creating characters but I don’t have the attention span to finish anything

✨ I really really enjoy music

✨ I play the french horn and sing

✨ I am a huge theater kid

✨ I love to learn about anything and everything (if you ever want to tell anyone random facts…)

✨ I like to curl 🥌

Thanks for reading!

[chromatophorium]

Got my ASD diagnosis today. Feel happy about it, no, more like contented and relieved? Idk, I just feel good about being able to 'officially' being able to use words like hyperfixation and stimming without feeling like I'm using them 'illegally'.*

It feels nice to be able to call myself autistic, because I have felt recognized in the word.** Kinda out of spite too. I have felt like I'm autistic for at least two years,*** and felt like there was something different about myself since... Well, the first time I remember feeling and realizing it was in 1st grade. But then when I told people close to me, the two I actually confided in, in a deeper way than just saying 'my therapist says I have signs of autism, I wonder if there's something to that' questioned me a lot and rejected the notion of me being autistic.

Well, my mom came around on it and actually gave me some more insight on the diagnosis and how it and surrounding diagnoses were classified previously and presently (she works in psychiatry and interacts alot with people with them, but isn't involved in the official diagnosis of neuropsychiatric diagnoses). And the other person I don't have contact with anymore and our friendship didn't have a good foundation anyway.

But yeah. I have proved them wrong now, ha! And I proved my feelings and thoughts right to myself! The latter feels the most satisfying.

*(No one was like gatekeeping these words from me, except for myself. I definitely think people should be able to use these words without a diagnosis if they want to, it was just me felt unsure about doing it personally.)

**(Also, I'm not against self-diagnosis of autism and calling yourself autistic if you feel it applies, I've just been very unsure about it before my diagnosis because of doubt, both from myself and external sources.)

***(Consciously ever since a therapist brought it up and I did research. Unconsciously since I encountered descriptions from autistic people in fandom spaces of how they interact with the world and with specifically hyperfixations, which happened around late 2020.)

****(Is this oversharing? I apologize if it is of a too personal nature to be comfortable.)

*****(I love footnotes, they're like tags but better, I wish I could make numbered footnotes with the way I'm writing this post, in the mobile browser version of Tumblr)

[munchiezxx]

Hey I just came back to tumblr after a few weeks break and I saw your post about severe anxiety, and I was completely the same a few years ago!! It’s something I talked about with my therapist a lot and I eventually got diagnosed with both autism and adhd. I’m not saying you have it, obviously, I don’t know you, but if you haven’t considered it before it may be a good place to start? I can function a lot better and my head is a lot clearer these days. Good luck girl!! ❤️

HEY sorry if I freaked you out by taking too long to answer this but i kept forgetting tbh. anyways, thanks so much for sending this, i appreciate you reaching out and i am very glad you were able to get answers for yourself and that you’re doing better. i also do really appreciate it because it gives me an opportunity to talk about *IT*

in that my family and close friends have all been telling me that i am autistic for the last half year in such frequency, many of them unaware of the fact that others that have also told me, that it has become a running joke. this is from my close friends story many weeks ago

and the REAL kicker for me is: my previous therapist, after many sessions, AGREED, and asked how i would feel about self-diagnosis, because i told her i will not get diagnosed anytime soon. (i said i do jot know.) and my parents, who brought it up completely unprompted. so the list includes: my parents, therapist, siblings, 2 people i have lived with, 4 of my close friends, my best friend, and my siblings’ best friends.

but yea, i just dont really know if i want to get diagnosed... i feel like it would help me a lot to grow and accept myself, but at the same time i feel almost feel like it’s too late for me to seek a diagnosis. so i kind of sit in limbo. but um, let’s be real i get this on a FREQUENT basis and if i can’t trust myself to self-diagnose (i don’t) i have a LOT of people to back it up….

[spirituallyme2]

TF Journey... Not a positive post because that's just not where I've been lately. I've been falling apart since I met my the person who happens to be my twin soul. I remember looking up all of my symptoms and being shocked after a reading confirmed this. I wanted a soulmate in my life. Not this heart wrenching dynamic where I'm alone and can't get someone I don't talk to out of my head. I literally don't want to be a part of this.

The "supernatural" phenomenons that come with this journey means that you can't even tell a regular therapist about this. They'd look at you like you're crazy. You can't even really be treated for limerance because that's not what this is. This is against my will. Why is this persons name, date of birth, car and everything else suddenly me everyday. My toddlers literally say this persons name several times a day and points out their birthday even though they weren't taught this information. How is this possible?

I see plenty of videos of people trying to manifest a twin flame and I wonder if they know what they're asking for... how miserable and agonizing the journey can be. There's no guarantee for union because this journey isn't a romantic one. It's about you. Most of the stories I hear are people who grow old with this pain and never have another fulfilling relationship in their lives. Their twin flame haunts them.

I'm literally fighting for my life right now and want to give up every single day. I wanted a soulmate but God said, you get no one. You can work on all your traumas while you're struggling as a single parent. Your brain will obsess over someone you barely know against your will. You weren't ever loved and experienced gut wrenching traumas all your life? Here's some more pain because what I have you wasn't enough.

I don't even have childcare, my children aren't school aged and they're not sleeping through the night. I don't get to sleep and I don't have any help so I'm tired. It's literally just me 24/7

If I didn't have kids... I wouldn't voluntarily sit through this journey. This feels like the straw that broke the camel's back. I would've definitely tapped out. It feels like a cruel joke from the universe.

Their father raped me for years and he still abuses us. I was severely abused the first 18 years of my life by my mom and her husband and a good part of that was in a 3rd world country where I really suffered. After I had my first baby, I couldn't take him home from the hospital for 5 months. I watched him die and be brought back.. my heart couldn't handle all this. I started dissociating. Two emergency c-sections, two NICU stays and enduring their father's abuse.

The military almost broke me. I don't even need to expand on that.

I'm late diagnosed autistic so I didn't know why I was different all my life. I didn't learn to make friends so I've been alive for 3 decades without friends. Life is so lonely sometimes. My traumas have also led me to live a life of solitude. I have no personal relationships other than my children.

I have treatment resistant depression with suicidal thoughts. There's nothing doctors can do for me. They tried treating me for years with so many different therapies. My baseline is literally not wanting to be alive every single day.

My mother's last text to me was her saying she didn't care...

I just wanted to experience love in my life. Connection with another human being. I feel like with children, they have no choice but to love you. They're programmed to do that and it's transactional when they're young. I'm the person that meets all their needs.

I wonder if I'll get to experience love or happiness before I die. I wonder if I'll get to feel what it's like to not be passively suicidal everyday. I wonder if my life will ever have been worth it because it's definitely not right now.

I finally made up my mind to live in solitude and try to love myself as is and then I met the person who my brain would obsess over and there's nothing I can do about it. This just threw me all the way off. I want off of this ride.

Am I making up for being a horrible person in a past life? Is this a punishment? Is earth a prison for me and living is my own personal hell? I believe it because I don't see anything else that proves otherwise

[wurmeatworld]

I apologize for assuming your experiences. If I am understanding correctly, you are upset because you feel as though OP is saying your experiences are fundamentally different when, in fact they are quite similar despite being diagnosed at different times? Correct me if Im wrong. Regardless, looking at OPs original post, and my own reply, I believe you have missed the point (though in my case, I suppose that can be excused since you didnt bother to read it, right?).

It doesnt matter how similar your personal experiences are to OPs. Even if your own personal experiences are similar to OPs, there are many, many other autistics whos experiences are different. I will repeat myself, because you didnt read it:

"Our ability to mask dictates how people treat us. The less we can fit in, the worse we are treated. Its not a matter of jealousy or infighting or oppression olympics. It is a simple fact about being a part of any minority group. It's insane to me that you think this is a white discussion because the same basic principles have been discussed in regards to racism, homophobia, transphobia, you name it. Just google colorism, for example."

"I would also like to note that oppression is not a sliding scale of more oppressed or less oppressed. There are a lot of factors that play into how we are treated, and while the severity of our oppression isnt equal, to just measure based on that is foolhardy because it is a huge spectrum with tons of unique situations. You seem to have at least some grasp on that, since you brought up how autistic people of colors experiences and the experiences of autistic ppl of different genders can be different. These are often large factors in how an autistic person is ultimately treated, but that doesn't mean other factors like a childs ability to conform dont factor in."

I am not arguing that All Autistics Who Can Mask are inherently different from those who cant and Will Never Understand. Im arguing that whether you can mask is one factor that determines how you are treated, and the experiences of autistic ppl who cant mask deserve the space to be discussed on their own without people jumping on the discussion to say theyre being ableist for not talking about other situations that can lead to a similar experience.

"I do not see anywhere in this post where OP said late diagnosed, masking autistics are less autistic or less disabled. Those are words you typed out and added to the post. If you think that I or OP saying autistic people who cant mask are treated worse than those who can is the same as saying they are more autistic or more disabled, you need to learn better reading comprehension and check yourself. There is nuance to this discussion that you do not seem to be getting. Please try to consider this in good faith and learn."

And finally, and this is important that you actually read:

"On one last note, I am deeply uncomfortable by how you brought up gender in this post. First of all, there was no need to say "females" when you meant to say people brought up as female. Second of all, yes, it is true that autistic diagnostic criteria is built upon white autistic cis boys, and that autistic poc and autistic women are often not diagnosed because of this. But to lump every autistic child into either afabs or amabs is transphobic, inaccurate, and erases the experiences of trans and gnc children. If you can recognize that theres intersectionality between gender, race, and neurodivergency you can recognize that theres intersectionality when a child is trans too. To reduce an autistic child to either "seen as male" or "seen as female" is gross, biologically deterministic, and literal terf rhetoric. You should be ashamed of yourself."

there is a bad toxic part of me that feels petulantly bitterly resentful of certain kinds of autism advocacy online. like, "it's okay if you're late diagnosed, it's okay if you've learned how to mask your traits, you still deserve support :3" stuff. i know it's my problem, because i know many people are genuinely hurting & need to be told this, but i feel like i'm being left out and i just want to bark and growl. i was diagnosed at age 5, i can't mask away the strange offputting parts of my speech patterns and body language, i can barely take care of myself. this is why i snap whenever my neurodiversity posts get noticed by "former gifted kid" type autists, because while you were having unfair expectations placed on you by doting teachers who were proud of your academic accomplishments i was being talked around and talked down to by people who didn't think i could understand them.

i don't actually know what i would want done in order to make me feel more included. im just snapping uselessly at people with different problems than me, it's an issue with me, and i should probably stop.

[drdemonprince]

I'm trying to get disability for migraines. I know my mental health history will be brought up, but I'm pretty sure I was misdiagnosed as bipolar when I'm just autistic.

Is it worth trying to get properly diagnosed as autistic or will that just hinder me in the future?

So, I've written a whole long medium post on some of the factors to consider if you want an Autism diagnosis -- including for disability. Maybe you've already seen it, in which case bear with me. But if you haven't:

There are a lot of drawbacks to being formally diagnosed as Autistic. you can be institutionalized, lose child custody, have your access to medical transition restricted, be put under a conservatorship, be denied the ability to immigrate to many other countries, and be treated as incompetent by your doctors. you also may be able to access a medical marijuana card, disability benefits, and accommodations at work or school if you get a diagnosis -- so it's a mixed bag.

To speak to your specific question: I don't know how qualifying for disability benefits based on migraines tends to pan out. My gut instinct is that migraine sufferers probably get rejected even more often than Autistics do, so having an Autism diagnosis could work in your favor... but if you have a history of performing to supposedly neurotypical standards it might not even matter and you might still be denied benefits. If anyone who has applied for disability for migraines or late-dx Autism has experience please weigh in here.

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance Month 2022

Day 2: Red Instead

Post your redinstead photos today. Alternatively, you could talk about what autistic pride/autism acceptance month means to you.

*skipped day 1 because i’m bad at intros*

autistic pride and acceptance month mean a lot to me as you can probably tell if you know me/my blog/etc.

finding out i was autistic was a very important moment in my life because i was always singled out (not only because of my physical disabilities) but also because i clearly wasn't neurotypical. my mother realized this early on and tried to talk to the school but my school didn’t really listen to her and dismissed her so it wasn’t brought up seriously again till like late middle school (mostly because my life was focused on my physical disabilities)

getting diagnosed made things make sense it made me feel like i wasn’t alone i wasn't wrong or broken. i have always felt lost and confused and wrong for this world and this finally felt like i found somewhere i belonged.

even though there are many difficulties i deal with because i’m autistic i am proud of being autistic. i wouldn’t be the person i am if i wasn’t autistic. i wouldn’t be me. it can be really frustrating to be autistic i’ll get mad that i can’t do things or that people don’t understand me or how overwhelming the world is or have to deal with societal neurotypical able-bodied expectations that i will never be capable of.

but i still love autism… because autism is a part of me and embracing and excepting autism has let me love myself more then i ever thought i could.

[lokismusings]

Russell T Davies on straight actors and gay characters.

I decided to put this here because I post a lot of Hilson stuff. As an actor, this article hit a nerve. However, as a defender of free speech, Davies is allowed to have his opinion without me thinking of him as insensitive. Just like I am allowed to have my own opinion and argument, and ask questions without being labeled “homophobic, intolerant” etc. (that would just make me laugh because have you SEEN my blog? Anyway, I’ve seen a few other websites covering this article. I am also very skeptical of everything I read, including the sources, and I try not to blindly believe everything. That being said, I felt like posting this to get other opinions and ask honest question to help my understanding. If this has already been covered on Tumblr, please feel free to send me the conversations! Some background on me: I graduated with a BA in Theatre and have worked both on and off the stage since I was twelve years old. I have directed plays and an audio play. Given my experience and dedication to my craft, I think my opinion is worth something.

Also, for the sake of this argument, I am leaving trans-actors out because that’s a whole different post. Here is the article:

https://news.sky.com/story/russell-t-davies-straight-actors-should-not-play-gay-characters-12185652

Okay, so first things first, let’s talk about this: “Speaking to the Radio Times, Davies compared a straight actor playing a gay character to black face.” Something that irks me is when one person tries to speak for a whole community and doesn’t reference people from said community who might disagree: whether it’s the LGBTQ+ community, a religious community, medical community, etc. The list goes on. Here, Davies is speaking on behalf of, or speaking for, both the LGBTQ+ community and the black community, is he not? I am genuinely asking because I would like to be more educated on this kind of speech. 

Then Davies says, "I'm not being woke about this... but I feel strongly that if I cast someone in a story, I am casting them to act as a lover, or an enemy, or someone on drugs or a criminal or a saint... they are NOT there to 'act gay' because 'acting gay' is a bunch of codes for a performance.” Does that not discredit his whole statement? If any actor does a caricature version of anything and doesn’t take it seriously or really works to get into the role and the mindset of a character, they’re not a good actor. At least, they’re not an actor that I’d want to hire. Second, by the logic that a straight person shouldn’t play a gay character, should someone without a criminal record not be able to play a criminal character? Before you go off and say “it’s about identity and sexuality, and playing a criminal is about the choice to break the law” or other arguments, I hear you. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the experience. How can an actor who has never committed a crime play a criminal character authentically? They do their research: reading, interviewing, etc. I’m not saying that an actor with a few minor marks on his record shouldn’t be considered for the same role. I’m saying that in an audition setting, if both of these actors were auditing for the role and the non-criminal-record actor just happened to do a better job and fit what the director and/or writer wanted, is that a mark against the criminal-record-actor? Maybe personally because we don’t know what the director is thinking. But chances are, it’s not a mark against the other actor. The other one just happened to have a better audition. Or, a major factor when considering casting, said actor was easy to work with--I’ve seen a lot of talented actors lose a lot of roles because of their inability to take criticism or notes. 

Plus, the whole “Breaking Bad” series?? I highly doubt the main actors were meth-making drug-lords. Or, a better example, “The Wire?” In that show, we see the constant battle and deals between drug-lords and cops. 

Another point I’d like to make:  “...is a bunch of codes for a performance.” That’s exactly right. The audience doesn’t want to know an actor is “performing.” We know that going in, with what is called “suspension of disbelief.” We know the whole show is a performance, but we also expect the actors to be truthful (unless it’s a comedy/farce, but again, that’s a different argument). 

Was it bad that, before 2020, some main characters in TV shows were portrayed as straight but the writers ended up “queer-baiting?” I am referring, of course, to House, M.D. (If you follow this blog, you’ll understand.) But I am also referring to the BBC Sherlock Holmes series. Yes, both pairs of characters (House and Wilson; Holmes and Watson) are assumed to be straight. However, some episodes allude that there could also be something more there. Even the actors have said in various interviews that they aren’t sure if it’s a true romance that the characters are afraid to face, or just a strong bond between best friends that blurs the line between platonic and romantic. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the picture. Therefore, should these characters have only been played by straight actors who are questioning their sexuality or feelings for a best friend? Would it have been disrespectful to gay people if these characters ended up becoming romantically involved? (If we ask the Hilson and Johnlock community, I’m guessing that’s a resounding “NO WAY! IT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE!” xD <3) 

“It's about authenticity, the taste of 2020.” *Cinema Sins sigh*

"You wouldn't cast someone able-bodied and put them in a wheelchair...” Again I say, directors and casting directors need to ALWAYS search for someone who is in a wheelchair, or deaf, or HOH, etc. before looking for an able-bodied actor to play a character with that disability (I’m iffy on the whole term “disability because of its negative connotations, but I’m using that word in order to keep this post as long as possible). But I give you the example of Rainman with Dustin Hoffman. Or A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe. Or the play and movie Proof, where the father had a mental illness?  Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed late in life with Asperger’s Syndrome, but the father in Proof was written to allude more to schizophrenia. And yet, Anthony Hopkins did a tremendous job in that role. Or Even Forrest Gump with Tom Hanks. Many people today love Tom Hanks and laud him as a “woke” celebrity. But if he were to portray the role of Forrest Gump today, how many people would try to “cancel” him or at least have very strong words for the director not casting an actor with autism, due to the character’s autistic tendencies? A whole lot of people on the internet and Twitter, I’ll bet. As someone who struggles with anxiety and panic disorder, would I be upset if someone without that mental illness got cast in a role of a character struggling with that? Sure I would. But if they did an authentic job and approached the role respectfully, it would be hard to stay irritated. Besides, there are always more roles created practically everyday. 

To continue on with Davies’ quote: “...you wouldn't black someone up.” Yikes. I’m sure he didn’t mean this in a cast-off kind of way, but that’s how it comes across. I can see now why he said he wasn’t “being woke about this,” because a more “woke” way of putting that would be...what, exactly? “You wouldn’t cast a non-black person in a black role.” That sounds better and less harsh. Or even “a white person in a minority role.” Which should be common sense, and I agree with both statements. 

And then “Authenticity is leading us to joyous places." Oh! Look at that! There’s that word that I’ve been using and emphasizing throughout this whole post! Authenticity is one major brick in the foundation of good, credible acting. 

“High-profile examples of straight performers playing LGBTQ+ characters include Rami Malek's Oscar-winning portrayal of Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody, and Taron Egerton's Golden Globe-winning turn as Sir Elton John in Rocketman.”

I haven’t seen Rocketman, but I saw Bohemian Rhapsody and it was great! Why am I high-lighting this movie? Because it’s the perfect example of a straight actor playing a gay character and playing it authentically, while also looking a lot like the real person they’re portraying. If a look-a-like had been cast who also happened to be gay, but couldn’t act to save their life or couldn’t bring as much as Rami brought to the role, wouldn’t that kind of put a damper on the film? And yet, Rami Maleck both looked the part and brought an authenticity to the role that many Queen fans loved and appreciated. Even the remaining Queen band members said that he did an incredible job and Freddy would be proud. I wonder if Freddy would care that Rami wasn’t gay? I doubt it, but no one can know for certain. 

Then there’s the whole term “gay face.” I personally don’t think this is the right term to use because it could possibly diminish the whole meaning and importance of “black face.” Even if Corden appeared to be mocking gay people (I never watched The Prom so I have no idea what his performance was like), calling it “gay face” takes away from and inadvertently belittles the whole dark history of “black face.” Black face’s whole history comes out of an even darker history of racist times filled with hatred and ignorance. I’m not saying that gay people haven’t had their own experiences with hate and intolerance, but isn’t kind of “un-woke” and “insensitive” to compare the hundreds of years of blatant, public racism against an entire race of people to the intolerance of homosexuals? (Again, I’m asking this genuinely because I want to learn and get other people’s opinions. I’m not trying to speak for any community, and I recognize that my personal opinion on this matter is just that: my opinion. And I could be better informed.)

Along the lines of the above paragraph, is it wrong to say or think that casting a non-minority actor in a minority role is a lot different from casting a straight actor in a gay role? Sexuality comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors; that is to say, every race has people with different sexualities. But I think it would be pretty cringe if a Caucasian actress was cast in a role meant for an Asian or African-American woman. 

Director Joe Mantello told Sky News the casting was not intentional, but rather a "very fortunate series of events".

He continued: "That being said, I think having an out gay cast really did inform the work and it took on a particular kind of tone because of that, which is not to say that's the only way to approach this material. But for this particular group, it did something that I think is very, very special. There's a chemistry that they have."

And this man summed up my entire argument! He also put into simpler terms what I have been trying to express about the beauty of theatre: there will always be special casts, especially when there’s a great chemistry from a shared experience. A "very fortunate series of events,” indeed. “The casting was not intentional...” leads me to believe that the director didn’t set out to have an all out-gay-cast, but rather, each actor brought great performances to their auditions and were considered by the director to be perfect for the roles. These actors also just happened to be gay.

If you’re still here after all of that, let me take a moment to sincerely thank you for reading the whole thing! I know it’s a lot, but I’m very passionate about acting and giving each and every actor a fair chance. Let me know what you think, and please be respectful!