#and journaling digitally has never felt nice

[digiblueslush]

FUCK.... Y'all I'm gonna have to re-do my intro again :(((( (also family and personal lore incoming, not in the traumatizing way, but just interesting)

Also wrote a shit ton for no reason, cut for convenience

So my therapist and psychiatrist can't diagnose my autism since that requires certain certifications, however they've both said they'd refer me to get evaluated (as much as I'd love the validation, it's expensive, hard to find, and wouldn't change anything treatment wise) and they'd officially diagnose me if they could.

Last week I found out I have a half brother that's 10 years older then me on my dad's side. Never met the guy, but my dad told me he is autistic with at least high-er support needs than me. My dad has always gone "oh your not autistic I know autistic people and they're like REALLY out there" when I've brought it up previously. And invalidating, yes, but over the past year he's been more understanding of it, and now that I know this it somewhat makes sense (not justifying, but it explains it)

I (somewhat unfortunately?? I have complicated feelings about it) previously worked in the ABA field for a smidge of time, and am also very familiar with ASD from personal research. I've thought of myself as autistic for several years, but it's never felt fully validated until now due to the higher genetic factor (I also have an autistic cousin on my mom's side, but obviously, less shared genes)

I brought it up with my therapist because I also recently got diagnosed with PMDD, and in therapy, while it's more broad and situation dependent, it usually has a basis in the idea that I have BPD and CPTSD. I obviously still have CPTSD, but I never thought about or questioned the validity of my BPD diagnosis. It wasnt something that was diagnosed from a psych eval I got when I was 16, but obviously, I was 16, and they did screw up and said I had bipolar 1 and I was also dealing with 18 other things at the time.

I only got told I had BPD by my therapist around this time last year, which honestly being told that felt nice? Like there was a reason none of the treatment I had gone through had done too much on that end of things. And as ambiguous as diagnoses are, lately I've noticed that I don't usually feel insecure in relationships or need validation, rather those feelings get heightened because a lot of the people I have been close with have been insecure or unreliable relationship wise and confusing to read. And the only time it really feels that way across the board with all of my friends is when PMDD strikes

I brought that up with my therapist, and I was expecting it to be shot down, I've never been taken seriously about my autism stuff until the past few months because I always had bigger concerns, and my family quite heavily relies on the idea that I'm mentally ill and I will always be in that cycle, but to my surprise she actually fully agreed. It's interesting because I've seen my therapist for over 5 years now, and the only times I've felt unsupported by her was when I didn't want support, but it still felt surprising. Idk lolz

This was just meant to be a "gotta change my intro to not say BPD anymore" post but yap. Yap yap yap. That's what you gotta do when your Microsoft laptop has been at 99% for resetting for 20 mins

[hillbillyoracle]

Pen and Paper Planning

Maybe you like me are endlessly drawn back to pen and paper. I have often felt more at home in a good notebook. For a long time I thought there just weren't many options for notebook systems in comparison to "productivity" apps but over the years I've collected a number of them that I pull inspiration from for my own system. I've been told my little compilations are helpful so I thought I'd share what I've found here with some notes about each.

Bullet Journal

The OG. I think bujo has gotten a bad rap by people who've only every interacted with it via aesthetic routes like instagram. I found out not to long ago that there are people who don't know what the original system entails at all so I thought it was worth mentioning here.

Check it out here.

I recommend it less as a "productivity" system and more as a style of rapid/micro journaling. Does journaling feel like it takes forever and just isn't worth it - this is the system for you. When you go into it with that mindset, it's a lot easier to get the benefits. Wouldn't really recommend it for full blown tasks management and planning but the creator is upfront he never really intended it for that.

Everbook

This is more of a folio style as opposed to a notebook system but I think there are aspects that translate nicely to notebooks. It's definitely more of a productivity system too - very GTD influenced according to it's creator. I like it for it's modular approach to tasks, inspiration, and tracking.

Check it out here.

I recommend this if you like multi-notebook systems and are focused on getting tasks done more so than reflection/introspection.

Analog by Ugmonk

Basically a glorified notecard but this one has been a real game changer for me with regard to my daily tasks. I keep my today card clipped to the cover of my journal. You don't need to buy their fancy system for it at all and lots of people have hacks of it. Easy to combine with 1-3-5 Lists and the Bento Method as well.

Check it out here.

I recommend it for people who prefer a more flexible way of planning their days than what traditional planners offer.

Strikethru

I've not gotten to try many aspects of Strikethru yet but there are some I'm definitely looking to incorporate in another journal. Strikethru is a much more task oriented system than a bullet journal. It features a "live list", "dump" "vault" and calendar. I think it best replicates what you do what many to-do apps. They have their own journal you can buy but it can be set up in your own notebook.

Check it out here.

I recommend this for people who are doing large projects with lots of moving parts.

Theme System by CPG Grey

I love CPG Grey's ideas about yearly and seasonal themes. He created a notebook to compliment those ideas. It basically is composed of a section on fleshing out your themes, daily reflection pages, and habit tracking. I like the light direction while still being freeform enough for most goals.

Check it out here.

And here.

I recommend it for people who's primary use case is self improvement oriented. If you're looking to move the needle forward in some area of your life, themes are a great way to start.

Commonplace Book

I think the best way to think of a Commonplace Book is that it's a sketchbook for ideas. I think too often with digital systems it's easy to get caught up in worrying about capturing all of our ideas or optimizing them to be found again - which only really adds stress and unnecessary complexity. What I like about a commonplace book is not only it's usage throughout history but it's simplicity.

Check it out here.

And here.

I recommend this for people who are looking to do a lot of creative or intellectual work and don't want to get distracted by screens to capture what inspires and moves them. Also for people who prefer to refer to their inspiration in a more tactile way.

Maurice Moves' Notebook

When I first found this method, it had very few views. When I went to look it up again, it had taken off. I'm so glad because it feels like an underrated system that can be easily paired with some of the other. It's basically a series of pages he uses to work through goals or just directions he wants to move in life. I've never see a system that's both so orderly and thorough. I especially appreciate is way of working backwards from his desired results to develop his plan.

Check it out here.

I recommend this for people who are trying to achieve big things but aren't totally sure how to get here. Seems very neurodivergent friendly too depending on what you personally excel with.

1-3-5 Lists

I first learned about a similar concept from Esme Weijun Wang's ebook "Productivity Journaling with Limitations" but I can't seem to find it on her website anymore. This website has one version of it but the version I've been using is slightly different.

The first task is my "win the day task" - if I only do this it was a productive day. It's achievable based on the resources I have that day. On low energy days , the task might be a simple chore like laundry or a health activity like walking. On a high energy day, it's usually something that moves me forward in some way - tackling projects like redoing my room or organizing all of our papers. Most days are inbetween though.

The next three have historically been "to not cause myself further trouble" tasks but I've been experimenting with making them one home/work task, one health task, and one relationships task as mentioned in this Ali Abdaal video (in Part 3).

The next five to six tasks are usually just easy wins - things I can get to if I feel like it but I feel no pressure to complete.

I recommend this system for people who are working with variable energy, health, time, or other resources. I could see it being helpful for folks with children or who are caregivers as well. I've found it useful as someone with chronic illness.

Sorry this section is a bit of a mess, when I originally put it on here I thought I could just link to Wang's ebook but alas. If anyone has the link, please drop it in comments.

Bento Methodology

This is another one that can be paired with another system. While the video I link to is talking about it in terms of an app, I think it's similar to the 1-3-5 system in that you can just use it inside of any other to-do list or task system you might be using. I appreciate it's nudge to do deep work and it's clear criteria for each compartment. I use this when I have more energy and want to use it to the best effect. Whenever I use it I always feel like I had a really meaningful day in terms of my efforts.

Check it out here.

I recommend this for people who want some structure to their day but still want flexibility from day to day to pick what they work on.

And I think that's most of them. I hope something here inspires you to pick up a notebook and get to writing. Best wishes!

[journalsouppe]

The Afternoon Tea DGS zine by @afternoonteazine!! Oh I absolutely adore this zine it is such a perfect theme for The Great Ace Attorney :') The art and writing and merch are all just gorgeous and made me so hungry, I can't get over how cute everything is

As a bonus I also ordered the sketchbook! I have a small review and test page of the sketchbook under keep reading but I am SO pleasantly surprised with the book. Any DGS or even Ace Attorney zine/stickers/spreads I make will now be in this sketchbook so commentary might be shorter because of it! (Game spreads will still be in my larger journal)

Writing Typed Below! (As well as images of the merch and sketchbook notes)

Sept 2023

Zine theme: An English and Japanese tea theme with DGS characters

Merch List:

TEA PARTY (Full bundle + Sketchbook)

Phys + Dig zine

digital emotes

cookie sticker sheet (lostkimin)

tote bag (ooowyn)

Steeping prints (jasminebythebay)

iris charm (jasminebythebay)

gina sticker (starjuicebox)

cups charm (pandalanachick)

coaster (merrymint)

pin (merrymint)

washi (replikayt)

herlock and yuujin stickers (replikayt)

sketchbook (replikayt)

+2 page art spreads turned into prints

This is such a perfect zine theme for this particular game duology. I absolutely love what everyone has made. The art and writing is all so cozy and sweet, it makes me want to have a tea party of my own. I am so pleasantly surprised by the quality of what I received, especially the notebook which is much thicker than expected! TYSM to all the artists, writers, and mods, y'all killed it. I love this sm.

Comments

The cookie stickers are so cute and look so yummy

tea cups ride charm :') :') :')

nyasked disciple cake pin... I'll eat him ngl

AHHH the case names but with tea puns

All of the art is gorgeous and making me so hungry

LOVE the tote, I really like the size of it too omg

I'd love to frame the tea prints and hang them near my tea area

AHHH THE IRIS CHARM

all the stickers are so cute and silly

ryuu with onigiri rice on his face on the coaster omg

that washi is so perfect for this zine omg

THE SKETCHBOOK IS SO NICE

steep for 2 minutes is going to make me cry T^T!

love all the tiny and homey details on the cover :')

had to take a snack break before working on this more lol

love the poison iris is brewing <3<3

the gregson, stronghart, and sithe piece is such a cool idea

klimt and lady baskerville are so cute

Sketchbook Review

The cover is printed well and very durable. The pages are thick and I was surprised at how big the sketchbook is! I have a few mini square sketchbooks and they don't have nearly as many pages as this sketchbook. It also includes a back pocket, a ribbon, and an elastic clasp. Another surprising bit is the pages are honestly some of the smoothest pages I've ever felt. It's not a bad thing at all but I have just never touched paper this nice before lol. That does mean the way some materials react to the paper will be different, but none of my test materials bled through the pages. (only faint outlines/shadows but not full bleed). I genuinely adore this sketchbook and am so happy to have snagged one during preorders

[splendidfms]

To Marley Clark from Gwendolyn Platt @dcrkcloud

Dear Marley, 

 My favorite part of the holidays has always been gift giving. Even when I was a kid and had no money, I would work and save my allowances that I got from doing household chores for Christmas. I would request to go with my grandma, when she was still alive, or one of my many brothers, and they would take me to multiple stores to select the perfect gift for each of my family members. I.. I hope you don’t think this is weird, me writing to you, me gifting you a few things this year. I just don’t have anyone to do this for anymore, and I was really sad about that. And, I don’t know, I just think… For some reason, I just know that you wouldn’t mind. Hope I’m not wrong about that. 

I put a lot of thought into what I wanted to get for you this year. I know we’re not good friends - not yet - but I really… I want to know you, and I hope that’s okay. It occurred to me that I didn’t know your favorite color, your favorite songs, what kind of film that you use in the camera that you carry around sometimes, or if you prefer digital. So, I’ve included things that I enjoy instead in the hopes that, one day, I’ll know those things about you. You’ll already be a step ahead, giving you the advantage, but I’ve never felt like a conversation with you was a challenge. 

And that’s all I’m asking for - a conversation, a chance to get to know you. 

My favorite color is green. I like alternative, pop, indie, and some folk songs. I prefer physical media to digital; I find that it's a dying artform. 

I don’t know where you live so I hope you don’t mind - I dropped this at the library. Forgive me for not waiting for you this time… I was very nervous. Inside, there’s an old cassette tape player that I’ve had since I was twelve; it’s scratched and seen some better days, I’ve dropped it countless of times, but it’s… it’s yours now. It still plays good music, the earphones I’ve replaced with some more durable ones, better to listen to the mixtape I’ve prepared for you. The mixtape is just some of my favorites - music I’ve found over the years or music I’ve been listening to recently.

I’ve included a journal in the standard favorite - green. I find journaling, writing, to be therapeutic and I hope that it suits your needs just fine. The film is… It’s a whim. I don’t even know what kind of film a camera like yours takes, if it takes any at all - but I would like to know. I’ve included a receipt for the film inside, just in case it isn’t the right one. I tried to look up the camera model, but it was useless - I’ve not seen the camera up close, and I don’t know much about photography, admittedly.  

If you’re looking to repay something as misguided as a ‘favor,’ that’s not what this is. But if you want to get me anything in return, just give me your company. I won’t say that I’m not selfish when it comes to you - I’ll soak up any attention you might offer. You’ve already helped me overcome my ‘2024 Christmas Blues,’ with this idea of mine - it was nice to remember that, whilst I don’t have family to celebrate with, I might have other people in my life who might like to have something of me still. 

Attached is my phone number - in case you want to reach out or berate me. Either way, it would be lovely to hear from you.

  Your insane and misguided friend, 

  Gwen 

[zippdementia]

Metroid Retrospective: AM2R

Metroid AM2R

Completion: 5 hrs + (I haven't beaten the last boss)

Percentage of items found: 90%

2016's Another Metroid 2 Remake is an incredible project. I won't be covering the full development history here but it's worth your time to find and read about it online. All you need to know to be properly amazed is that its creator, Milton Guasti, did not know programming when he started the project, and over the course of 10 years built a game that is good enough to be considered a must-play for Samus afficiandos.

Ostensibly a remake of Metroid 2, AM2R might better be considered a massive upgrade. It is less a reimagining than what Nintendo would ultimately give fans in the (also amazing) Samus Returns for the 3DS and stays very true to the original's format, map layout, and overall feel. Except that everything has been given a sheen of "extra." Everything is more alive. The music has gone from digital beeps and bloops to awesome remixes of classic Metroid tunes; the world has depth and feels like it makes sense, with lots of signs of the Chozo who used to reside here; enemies feel like living creatures reacting to your presence. Some don't even attack you but are simply part of an ecosystem you are irrevocably changing as part of your hunt of SR388's alphas on the food chain -- like these little animals that have no gameplay effect but return to feed on the fauna only after you've cleared the area of Metroids.

Perhaps one of my favorite things is the emphasis placed on lore, with Samus keeping an electronic journal of her explorations of the planet. Lore is something that definitely is more desired by a Western audience than a Japanese one -- a conversation too long to have for this review but which you can see in other famous series, such as Resident Evil. Being a Westerner, I am partial to it, as well, and outside of Retro Studio's endeavors in the series, this is the only other place I've seen it given a lot of attention. A nice little perk of this being fan made and not an official remake.

One of my favorite upgrades is how powerful the weapons feel. I am not being dramatic when I say this is the best certain weapons have EVER felt in ANY Metroid game. In even the most modern of Metroids, Power Bombs for instance can feel a little underwhelming, being flashy but lacking weight and sometimes frankly not doing much damage. Here they blast whole screens with blinding effects and absolutely decimate all regular enemies (most bosses are immune). Super Missiles slam into monsters with heavy, satisfying thuds, dealing 5-7 times the damage of a regular missile. The Ice Beam doesn't just temporarily freeze enemies, it ice-nines them. If they happen to be flying monsters, they fall from the air and shatter upon the hard stone. This game just FEELS good to win at.

Winning at it is not an easy task, however. This is definitely a Metroid game for the player who is already familiar with the series and seeks a challenge. There are multiple modes which can make it easier but even then you are required to pay attention to the way nearly every enemy moves and to learn a set of responses to how to best deal with them -- usually involving a surprising amount of accuracy in both your shooting and positioning. I decided to conquer hard mode for my playthrough and was given what I asked for: an experience where every enemy, if approached incorrectly, could devastate my health bar, and where bosses had to be taken down in Dark Souls-style near-perfect runs. And yet, it hasn't felt unfair or cheap. With a couple notable exceptions, saves are never far and as they restore all your health and ammunition, you rarely have an excuse not to leap back into a failed attempt and try again.

As I write this I have yet to defeat the Metroid Queen. I know I can do it, but it is an endeavor that will take some pattern learning and faster twitch response then I've been up to in the last week or so. And it is hampered by being one of two boss fights where the save is woefully far away, an oversight of amateur design that shows itself surprisingly rarely throughout the game, with most of the experience being so tightly designed that you forget you are controlling a game and enter that fabled zone of connection between you and the on-screen character where you feel you only have to think a command and have it happen. Truly, a remarkable accomplishment for a fan made remake.

In fact, it is the remake nature that holds the game back more than anything. As a very faithful remake of a decades old Gameboy game it suffers from the pacing of that experience without the benefit of being a handheld experience that can be easily picked up and put down, leaving it lingering in a sometimes uncomfortable position between ambitious and restraint. There are moments where the ambition is allowed to fully shine through -- a segment involving a run through an abandoned power plant comes to mind, as do several of its new, multi-phase boss fights -- and these make the rest of the game feel at times like a necessary chore to get through in order to reach these moments.

That doesn't lessen my awe at what has been accomplished here nor does it make this in any way a bad video game. On the contrary, this project achieves levels of tightness in its controls and challenge that many mainstream developed games do not reach. Sadly, the game may one day not be playable at all: it relies on the fan community to continue supporting it and I noticed that it has some RAM leakage and other memory issues which never crashed my game but make me worry for its future if the community's interest fades. I did have my saves erased once, early on, and so kept copies of them afterwards but never ran into this issue again.

If you are a hardcore Metroid fan, I highly recommend it and can promise the link here is safe and that you won't regret it.

1) Super Metroid 2) Metroid Fusion 3) AM2R 4) Metroid 2 (original) 5) Metroid Zero Mission 6) Metroid Prime Pinball 7) Metroid (original)

[spectralquartzafterdark]

Follow up to Megs marking Rosie up anon.

How does ratchet react, does he get jealous, sneak away, argue with Megs more and say that was very immature/ a danger to his precious human. 👀 I’m too invested now too-

More continuation, this time it's my turn huhu. -Rosie Part One - Part Two - Part Three

She hadn't been in the medical bay for two days. He was starting to get concerned. Very rarely did she miss work. Granted it was voluntary, but it was nice to have her around. Despite how distracting it was at times.

"She's probably just sick." Drift said, "Or she found out about your lil crush."

"Shut it Drift." Ratchet frowned, "Megatron's already been up my aft I don't need you up it too."

Drift chuckled, "Listen, when you're ready to talk I'm here." he held up his Servos and left the bay.

Ratchet frowned knowing that he would have to actually talk about what happened. To some degree anyways. Something Megatron said has been playing on loop in his head.

She thinks you hate her.

It was quite the opposite. Clearly. Even if he was far more critical of her than he meant to be. He just didn't understand her at times. Most others would hear about the Decepticons and immediately have a distaste for them. But, not her. She showed them far more empathy than they deserved. Far more kindness than they needed. And most who had defected loved her. She was able to talk to them, understand them, and even be a bridge in communication.

That's how they ended up with Starscream of all Mechs. Ratchet couldn't prove it, but he knew it was why Optimus and Megatron were rekindling their friendship. She had a way with words. If she were a Mech she'd have a seat in the senate. She'd own it. He just felt it in his Spark.

He sighed looking at his report. Thankfully nothing needed to be updated. So, he was just to stand at his post until he was needed. Which wouldn't be an issue if she were there with him.

His mind began to wander as he replayed every moment he put his pede in his mouth. It slowly began to sink in why she thought that. He leaned his helm back onto the wall.

"Primus... I messed up." he mumbled.

He thought back to when they had no translators. When Bumblebee was still stuck on Earth. How he forced her to work like a dog. All because of how small she was. She could fix issues he couldn't reach. How her servos had been blistered and bruises. How she literally worked until her digit's bled.

She never complained.

Then when the translators were in effect, he was hyper critical of any move she made when it came to fixing Mechs. All because he couldn't see past "Proper Procedure" it was the real reason he had been upset with her fixing Megatron. It didn't follow protocol. But, why should it have mattered? She knew how to save him and she did without his help.

He was pulled out of his own circuits when he heard the familiar sound of tiny footsteps. He focused his optics down and saw Rosie. He waved and she waved back.

He noted the marks on her body and couldn't help, but chuckle. Megatron was territorial. But, after what Megatron caught him doing he couldn't complain too much. Though he did worry that those marks were a bit too much for such a small human.

"There's no work today. So, unless you want to work on that journal I assigned you and the others..." he spoke.

"Sure, that's fine. I know there's a lot of information we still need to write down for you." she spoke as she made her way up the lift to be at eye level with him, "A lil birdie told me you were beside yourself since I wasn't here. If it helps, I genuinely was down for the count... and it had nothing to do with this."

She motioned vaguely at the dentae marks.

"Drift... his record isn't the best, but he has a good Spark." he admitted.

"Yea, most of 'em do. It's why I'm so patient." she said going to the screen and bringing up the journal.

Ratchet stayed quiet for a moment and let her work. He watched as she quickly filled in the information the journal required. It was basic information, but Bumblebee suggested it. Mainly so they all had a guide at a glance.

Favorite Foods, Drinks, Health Issues, Allergies, and so on. It was a care booklet essentially.

Though as he watched her move as she typed on the keyboard that was far too big for her. Something inside of him snapped.

"I'm sorry. Megatron told me... that you think I hate you. And I've realized it's my fault. I've been far too critical of you. And I apologize."

He watched as Rosie's body went slack as she turned to look at him. Those hazel eyes looked close to tears.

"I couldn't see past my own bias... you're very skilled Rosie, and you've solved problems I couldn't and I don't give you enough credit. Can you forgive me for that?"

There's a moment of silence. Ratchet could feel his Spark moving and thrumming erratically. But, it calmed when she nodded. She sighed and saved her progress before she turned to him and spoke.

"Thank you for that..." she said, "I understand safety protocols, but it's often times better to ask forgiveness than permission."

"That's true. In Megatron's case... I'm glad you did. I never would have thought to use such a small electric current to give a Spark life. To add cables and wires where a frame needed more support to make sure his body processed enough Energon. Where did you get the idea?" he smiled leaning on the lift.

"Human Hearts... we have a very similar build and sometimes when our heart can't get enough blood to pump. We add in extra tubes called stents. And even small devices to keep them beating. When they stop we often use a strong electric current to keep them beating. And since he was missing a chunk of his systems... it made sense." she explained, "There's far more, but I don't know the medical terms."

He nodded, "I suppose our bodies aren't so different after all. At least on a base level."

"We're not." she said, her facial expression changed, "Megatron is very important to me Ratchet. And I know it's not something you particularly care for, but -"

He shook his head, "You needn't explain. You are important to me, and that is enough for me. I want to be a better friend."

Finally, it was out in the open. She smiled, a genuine one - he had never seen it before.

Ratchet felt a swirl of emotions, but they all boiled down to one thing. Relief. After all, he loved her - and that was enough. Even if he couldn't express it in the way he wanted.

[v-bits-fits]

Hello out there, future me or otherwise

Happy New Years! Hopefully whoever is reading this got to do something fun. I went to a brewery with my partner, and it was pretty cool. Most of the people in the brewery left before midnight, I'm assuming to go to other places to celebrate. Bad news for the bar, but I honestly prefer it when the bar isn't super packed.

I'm don't usually make New Years resolutions, but I have some things that I have been working on that I want to prioritize going forward into 2025.

I have been going to the gym more often. I've always been a pretty active person. I like to run, I love riding my bike, and I'm a pretty avid yogi. However, I have always felt super self-conscious at the gym. Especially when it comes to lifting weights. I can't really put my finger on what has happened, but recently that has changed. Lately when I go to the gym, I don't really care what the people lifting around me think. And as I go more, I get less self-conscious. Not necessarily because I'm getting stronger (though I am), but I'm realizing that nobody actually cares about me [at the gym]. Just like I don't care what workouts they are doing, they probably do not care at all about what I'm doing. Also, I'm noticing that most people have terrible form. So, who are they to judge? lol. In 2025, I want to keep going to the gym somewhat regularly. I'll probably get bored eventually and move on to something else that is physically stimulating. But even if I decide I want to go back to doing yoga 3 times a week or I want to increase my milage on the bike, it'll still be nice to add weight training to my repertoire of workouts.

I also will be going on more trips in 2025. Me and my partner already have several events planned, including a concert in March that I am SUPER excited about. We decided we want to plan things to look forward to. I find when I'm stressed at work, thinking about a trip I have planned or a band I'm going to go see helps me to not feel so miserable.

But more than anything, I have been trying to find ways to feed my creativity. I was always very artistic as a teenager, and I think everybody around me thought I was going to go to art school. I ended up getting a STEM degree. While I definitely don't regret it, I do miss just...being creative. I miss being given a prompt and creating something out of it. I used to do film photography in high school, I used to sew, I used to paint. But as I got older, I got focused on life and left a lot of that behind. So, in the latter half of this year, I've been really putting an effort into fueling my creative side, whether or not it's profitable. I've been drawing just to draw, I got into digital embroidery so I can make my own patches, and I've been making my own holiday decorations. My uncle is even sending me one of his film cameras, and I'm super excited about the idea of getting back into film photography. My laundry room has no windows and a utility sink, so I'm tossing around the idea of using it as a dark room. And of course, this fanfiction is part of that too. I've never been big into writing, but I have always wanted to be. I'm definitely guilty of buying extravagant journals, just to leave them on my shelf and never writing a word in them. Even though this is fanfiction and not my own intellectual property, I'm having a lot of fun writing my story.

On that note, I will probably not be writing anything today. I'm a little hungover, so me and my partner are spending the day lounging around the house and not being productive. I have the weekend off (and my partner works all weekend) so I will probably get a lot of Chapter 6 written then. I think after reading Chapter 5, y'all know where we are headed on the map. I'm not sure if we'll get there in Chapter 6; Gladys has some prepping she needs to do. However, we will definitely get there by Chapter 7.

Thank you to anybody reading my story. Whether it's just 3 people, or 300 people, it means a lot to know that a few people are taking the time to read something I have written. I hope you kind people have a great year!

[openyourwindowsconspiracy]

JOURNAL ENTRIES OF LIEUTENANT BROOKS (digitized - original in police custody)

FEB 22, 2021

What am I supposed to do when such a high profile case is so unsolvable. I swear this shit seems like it really is supernatural, but I cant tell the town that. That fucking butler seems so off, I dont trust him, nor do I trust that grandfather. One day, someone will read this journal and you’ll think I’m crazy, so here, look at this piece of paper I found in the attic, and youll realize I am not.

MAY 3, 2021

Its been months and we havent even found a hint of where the kids bodies went. Every time we search the house the butler lurks around us like the grim reaper. The grandfather doesnt seem to give a shit. How the fuck these kids kept coming here year after year is beyond me. Even more beyond me is where the fuck they went. Why was the window open. Theres nowhere to fucking go from there. And now people are scared to open their windows. Especially after what happened to that reporter. Its crazy shit, being scared to open a window. Ive never seen anything like this. Nothing but burn and scratch marks. SIgns of struggle but no DNA evidence, no leftover clothes, nothing. The only reason I know the kids were there was cause the other rooms had suitcases and the butler said they were there. Man fuck that butler, I hope I can find a way to pin this on him. Ive never felt such hate for someone before. Its brought out a darkness in me I didnt know I had. A great christmas present would have been him kicking the bucket. Ive almost shot him a few times anyways. Theres been lots of windows of opportunity.

MAY 4, 2021

I could have been up for a promotion, running the entire department here. This stupid case has cost me that. The chief wont retire now. The people are starting to turn on me. Everybody used to be so nice, now its like everyone has been replaced by their evil twin. Ms McDaniels used to be so nice to me and now she just frowns at me when I walk by..

MAY 7, 2021

I don’t know how much longer I can take this town. I think i neëd to move and get the fuck out of this place. Chief isnt the same as he was before. Part of me thinks he thinks Im to blame for this all going to shit. 

MAY 29, 2021

Im leaving this fuckhole. Im done with this stupid fucking window casë. Officer Barnes has been with me for much of the case, and itll bë his responsibility now. Im handing in my resignation tomorrow. 

JUN 10, 2021

D

[renosser]

ISO Mutuals and New Friends (...or at least mutual reposters and interactives)

Heya folks, I'm a writer and reader in my 40s. Most of my writing is non- and original fiction, but most of my reading is somewhere in the halls of AO3. I've become quite fond of Elder Scrolls and Final Fantasy related work, though I've never played the Final Fantasy games, aside from casual strolls around early-game areas in FFXIV. So all I know about Final Fantasy I learned from AO3.

I have a "real" blog, but it's become quite personal, and ever since I felt seen, my writing over there has gone to shit. Which, being seen is a double-edged sword. While it validates a person's existence, it has caused me tremendous performance anxiety. The best way I can describe it is that scene in The Jerk when Nathan R. Johnson sees his name in the phone book for the first time, except with panicked hedgehog levels of anxiety.

So I made a Tumblr for myself under a pseudonym.

Anyway, I was hoping to meet new friends or interactive people (if you're both, that's even better!) on here. Here are things I'll be writing about or sharing:

<- hey there's bullet lists!

writing instruments (pens and notebooks/travel journals)

copious amounts of coffee

reflective thoughts

poetry

scraps from original work

fantasy art

thoughts on fan fiction that I read

whining about my hesitancy to post my Elder Scrolls fan fic

original photography (mostly flowers, weather, and water)

digital video game photography

indie/experimental/acoustic/coffee house music...and jazz.

mystical/spiritual/metaphysical stuff

reposts of any of the above

If any of that interests you, or if you're just nice and want to connect, say hi!

[impressivepress]

Writing the True Story of Vivian Maier’s Life

Biographer Ann Marks uncovered details of the reclusive Chicago photographer and nanny’s life.

The mystique of Vivian Maier, the reclusive Chicago photographer/nanny who found posthumous fame, shows no signs of losing its grip on the cultural imagination (see: Vivian Maier: In Color at the Chicago History Museum through May 2023).

But a new biography by first-time author Ann Marks — who became fascinated by Maier after seeing the 2013 Oscar-nominated documentary Finding Vivian Maier, produced by John Maloof, Charlie Siskel, and actor Jeff Garlin — suggests that a lot of what we think we know about Maier may be wrong. In Vivian Maier Developed: The Untold Story of the Photographer Nanny (Atria Books, December 7), Marks dived into exhaustive genealogical research, analysis of all 140,000 of Maier’s extant images, and other personal records to offer a portrait of a woman who “overcame tremendous family obstacles to lead a full, satisfying life on her own terms.”

We caught up with Marks, a retired chief marketing officer of Dow Jones and the Wall Street Journal, by phone to talk about some of the insights she uncovered. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

Was there a particular aspect of Maier’s life or work that initially piqued your curiosity?

There were two things after I watched the documentary that I couldn’t stop thinking about. One was all the different adjectives that everyone used to describe Vivian. In the book, I kind of start off with that because they’re just such opposites. Some people thought she was nice; some people thought she was mean. Some thought she was old-fashioned; some that she was feminist. It was just completely contrasting descriptions. And I thought: How could I make sense of this? Why do people have different perceptions? And then the second thing was, I just couldn’t believe in this day and age, with all the digital records, that all these genealogists used their skills and time, and John and Jeff used their money to find out anything they could about Vivian, and they kind of turned up a little bit empty. I thought that there’s something so strange about that, and I felt like I needed to crack that, because everybody has a family, and I needed to find out where they were.

How long did it take for you to find that all these dichotomies really did come from a deep, tangled family history?

I spent about five years on the research, and then two years getting published. Everywhere I went, I found really interesting things, and then I sort of was able to unravel the whole family story and the France story. [Many believed Maier was born in France, but in fact she was born in New York.] I was able to find people in New York who knew Vivian, which was a huge part of cracking her story, because she was like a different person there. And that’s when she started photography. In fact, I ended up finding that her whole attitude about photography, her behavior, was completely different in New York. And so it really opened up new learning about her for sure.

What specific things made you understand that the popular narrative around Maier — including the idea that she never wanted to exhibit her work — was not necessarily the correct one, or at least the full one?

I uncovered some key things pretty early on. There was a reason for her to be secretive about her life. It wasn’t because she was an oddball eccentric. She had a really bad family life, and there was no benefit to her in telling these upscale families in Highland Park [where Maier worked as a nanny] that her father was an alcoholic and he was violent and her brother was in jail and in institutions and her mother was a narcissist. Her whole story was painful enough, but you would never want to expose it to other people, especially if you would be watching their children. So I find that her behavior was actually rational, when a lot of people thought it was very strange.

Talking to people in New York really changed everything, because it became very apparent to me that she did try to be a professional photographer. She was very open with her photographs. There’s one family in New York that has hundreds of vintage Vivian photographs. In Chicago, she’d give people like two at the most. So she was much more generous and open with her photography in New York. The aftermath of her traumatic childhood caught up with her, and it really changed her ability to share her photographs. You could very much argue that she’d wanted to be a photographer and show her work and was proud of her work and would have been just fine with what’s happening now.

What was the most profound discovery in all the research that you did that perhaps you hadn’t expected to learn?

There were a number of aha moments, but the biggest was when I listened to her tape recordings. Because I had a perception of Vivian just based on how people described her — even with the contrasting adjectives, you feel like there’s kind of a seriousness, a detachment. You just get a vision of what she was like. Well, when you listen to the tape recordings, she’s nothing like you think she is. And I realized that everybody’s perception was based on her physical presence, which could be off-putting, but she was actually warm and patient and nice and nothing like what we’ve come to think about her. So I just looked at her in a whole new light, and that’s when I really wanted to understand why she appeared the way she did, why she presented herself the way she did, who was the real Vivian, and how was that expressed, then, through her photography.

~ Kerry Reid · Dec 7, 2021.

[dollycas]

Escape from Devil's Den (Harlequin Romantic Suspense) by Bonnie Vanak #Review / #Giveaway - Great Escapes Book Tour @bonnievanakauthor

Escape from Devil's Den (Harlequin Romantic Suspense) by Bonnie Vanak About Escape from Devil's Den Escape from Devil's Den (Harlequin Romantic Suspense) Romantic Suspense Setting – Where does your book take place? Florida and North Carolina Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harlequin Romantic Suspense (July 23, 2024) Mass Market Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1335502440 ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1335502445 Digital ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0CK8RG5GJ She's found the perfect disguise… Until he uncovers the truth! FBI agent Jace Beckett goes undercover to infiltrate the motorcycle gang Devil’s Patrol. But he never expected to encounter his stunning former fiancée, Kara Wilmington, hanging around the criminal organization. The gorgeous businesswoman is determined to protect her property—and her family—when she finds out that her cousin is involved with the DP. But as Kara and Jace relentlessly pursue the DP's ruthless jewel-theft ring, it's not only Jace's cover that's at risk. It's their lives… From Harlequin Romantic Suspense: Danger. Passion. Drama. Dollycas's Thoughts  The Devil's Patrol Motorcycle Gang has been doing smash and grabs to get money to enact their big plan but FBI Agent Jace Beckett has infiltrated the group in a quest to bring them down. Beckett's former fiancée, Kara Wilmington finds out her business, Willow Wind Estate Sales has been targeted by the Devil's Patrol, and that her cousin/employee may be involved. She later learns about Jace's involvement and forces him to let her help bring down the Devil's Patrol. Now both their lives are on the line. Can they bring down the ruthless leader of the Devil's Patrol? or will they die trying? ____ Jace's life has changed a lot since he and Kara ended their relationship. He is no longer with the investment firm. He is now using his military training working for the FBI. He has changed his appearance but Kara has no trouble recognizing him when she meets one of her clients at a bar. He is behaving differently too. Jace tries to scare her off so she can't blow his cover but she has other ideas. Kara has a secret from her past too which affects her actions.  Both of these characters evolve nicely throughout the story. The Devil's Patrol is a nasty group but Jace's assignment is to find and pin down the leader. Kara's motivation is to save her cousin who joined the group thinking he had no other choice. Jace realizes the danger and now he has to keep her safe too. This story is full of twists, turns, and surprises. The pages were flying. I was so caught up in the story that I wasn't even trying to solve the mysteries. The author filled the story with vivid details. Reading it felt almost like I was watching a movie. I just wanted Jace and Kara to survive. Danger. Passion. Drama. Escape from Devil's Den has it all. With compelling characters, a well-plotted and exciting mystery, and a little romance, this is a thrilling read that is almost impossible to put down. *Limited explicit content I voluntarily reviewed an Advance Reader Copy. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review. Thank you to the author for providing me with an ARC. Your Escape Into A Good Book Travel Agent About Bonnie Vanak Bonnie Vanak is a multi-published author of paranormal, historical, and suspense romance novels. After a career in journalism, she became a writer for an international charity, traveling to poor countries like Haiti to write about issues affecting the poor. When the strain of her job demanded a diversion, she turned to her childhood dream of writing books. Bonnie lives in Florida with her husband and rescue dogs. Visit her website at www.bonnievanak.com. Author Links Website Facebook Purchase Links: Amazon   Apple  B&N  Kobo  Harlequin   Also Written by Bonnie Vanak Find all of Bonnie's Books HERE. This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase using my links, I will receive a small commission from the sale at no cost to you. Thank you for supporting Escape With Dollycas. TOUR PARTICIPANTS - Please visit all the stops.  July 15 – Mystery, Thrillers, and Suspense – SPOTLIGHT July 15 – Books, Ramblings, and Tea – SPOTLIGHT July 15 – Christa Reads and Writes – REVIEW July 16 – Literary Gold – SPOTLIGHT WITH EXCERPT July 16 – Socrates Book Reviews – SPOTLIGHT July 16 – Maureen's Musings – SPOTLIGHT July 17 – StoreyBook Reviews – AUTHOR GUEST POST July 17 – Lady Hawkeye – SPOTLIGHT July 17 – Angel's Book Nook – SPOTLIGHT WITH EXCERPT July 17 – fundinmental – SPOTLIGHT July 18 – Escape With Dollycas Into A Good Book – REVIEW July 18 – Novels Alive – REVIEW July 18 – Sapphyria's Book Reviews – SPOTLIGHT July 19 – Boys' Mom Reads! – REVIEW July 19 – Ruff Drafts – SPOTLIGHT July 19 – Read Your Writes Book Reviews – CHARACTER GUEST POST July 19 – FUONLYKNEW – SPOTLIGHT a Rafflecopter giveaway Have you signed up to be a Tour Host? Click Here to Find Details and Sign Up Today! Want to Book a Tour? Click Here Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Receiving a complimentary copy in no way reflected my review of this book. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” “As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases.” Read the full article

[phlistopher]

How Cool is Scientology?

I wrote an essay about Scientology after visiting New York City while attending Hofstra University. It was probably my freshman or sophomore year, so circa 2005. I wrote it just to write it, never finished it, and it's sat in a digital drawer for almost twenty years. I took another pass at it now, and finished the thing. I think it came out pretty well.

I was in NYC just a couple of days ago, wandering around midtown with two friends. To protect their identities, these two friends shale be here forth referred to as “Cheryl” and “Steve”. So we were hanging out and heading into Toys ‘R Us, when a man handed us a pamphlet for the church of Scientology. The text was as follows:

ORIENTATION, a Scientology® information film. Written by L. Ron Hubbard.

Find out for yourself, see the film. Come Today! Free admittance with this ticket.

We all liked movies, and things that are free, so we decided to go. Soon we found ourselves at 227 West 46th street, staring at a stylish brownstone with gold lettering proclaiming it’s nature; The church of Scientology. We milled around outside a little, debating whether or not to actually go in, but we somehow decided that it was, and we went through the revolving doors.

My first thought upon entering this holy site was, “Ah, air conditioning.”

The interior was tasteful, with something to the effect of marble floors and polished gold banisters. Also, on the walls in large letters were excerpts of their scripture. I didn’t read any of it.

A woman motioned us down a short flight of wide, tasteful steps upon seeing our “orientation tickets”. Once we had descended, we were again standing in front of a desk. A tastefully dressed woman greeted us in a tastefully sweet voice. She took us down a well lit passage, making small talk tastefully. It wasn’t much small talk, however, since the passage was short. She peaked in a door, then turned to us and apologized. The movie was playing in all their theaters, we would have to wait about fifteen minutes for the next showing. Apparently the fliers were working. Fifteen minutes, not a long time, but I was still waiting that period to see a Scientology movie. I needed things to do with my time. Either that, or I could call it an “experience” and write about it later.

Anyway, the woman told us to watch a flat panel on the wall, and left to perform her specific breed of science. The flat panels on the wall were really nice, the kind the museum of natural history uses to show pretty computer graphics of how dinosaurs evolved. Maybe Scientology would give us the same treatment? No, the screen pictured a young Indian girl running through an unnaturally bright field. The narrator asked if we had questions, then stated that we do.

“You are desperately searching for answers. Scientology has those answers.”

The narrator went on to talk about some shape (triangle?) associated with states of being, or walks of life, or sections of existence. Then he started talking about how emotional states of people can be directly represented by a number from one to four. For instance, “anger” might be a 2.3, but a “happy” might be a 3.5. We compared our GPA’s to the chart. Now I realize why parents really push their kids to get good grades; with a GPA of .005 not only are you expelled, you also experience “Body Death”, which is a fate worse than “regular” death for college kids.

In the interest of investigative journalism, I took this test. This consisted of following prompts on a video screen, and holding metal rods for half a minute. It felt just like those “shocking” carnival games, where they vibrate the handles you hold faster and faster until you can’t take it, and then it gives you a score. Only here, the rods didn’t vibrate. My score was just above “Soul Death”.

After the fifteen minutes where up, the woman behind the second desk told us the movie was ready, and motioned us back up the stairs, where the woman behind the first desk took over and brought us to the theater. The movie was still playing, however. She said it was almost done though. She waited with us.

“This is a great film. Written by L. Ron Hubbard himself. It changed my life for the better, a lot of better changes. I can still remember the first time I saw the movie many, many years ago. Many, many years ago.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Oh wow…” She thinks, mumbling softly, counting back.

“Three years” she said.

“Ah.”

The movie was ready. We walked in with an older man who didn’t talk and sat in the back. The movie started. The picture quality sucked, but there was surround sound.

The first shot, we are in space. Space rocks whiz past us with a roar. After a minute of this, we break free of the rocks and earth centers in our view. Triumphant music blares as the word “Orientation” materializes roughly around the equator. Apparently, this will be a very thorough orientation, starting with familiarizing the viewer with which planet they live on.

A man walks out of an archway of light and starts talking about Scientology, let’s call him, “The Man”, repeating how it has the answers to life’s persisting questions. Realizing we are all new to this Scientology thing, and figuring we would probably like to jump right into the meat of the faith, The Man narrates a series of pictures depicting the many Scientology headquarters.

“This is our building in LA. And the one in Oakland. Here’s our location in Vegas. This is our building in the deep south. This is our main building (ooh! Ahh!), and this is our cruise ship retreat, because L. Ron Hubbard sailed.”

After that, The Man told us we probably were asking ourselves if Scientology was a bona fide religion.

“Let me assure you, that Scientology is extremely bona fide, in fact it is more bona fide than any other religion.”

Different voice actors then proceeded to read various court rulings deciding that Scientology was a religion over an image of a waving American flag. The segment went on for at least five minutes. I seem to recall there was a shot of a gavel as well.

After the segment was over, The Man said, “A ton of courts said Scientology is a religion, including the supreme court. No other religion has won so many court cases, all of them in fact. So now that you’re convinced, let’s move on.”

He conveniently forgot to mention that no other religion had ever been called into question that many times, but let’s not hold that against him; as if I needed to remind you, the place had AC.

The Man takes us on a tour of different branches of the Scientology organization. First stop, an explanation of L. Ron Hubbard’s life. His first great accomplishment? He wrote dime novels in the thirties.

The Man proudly describes all the genres that Hubbard wrote in, ending with, “even romance,” chuckling falsely. Also, he sailed and wrote tons of Scientology books.

Then they mentioned Dianetics. Apparently, this practice frees your mind. It was also very threatening to the government. The government knew Dianetics worked, and they knew it would also counter their famous brainwashing program.

After this, The Man leads us to the L. Ron Hubbard book store. A perky woman is having an unheard conversation with a customer. The Man walks in and says “hi” to her. Immediately she turns, ignoring her previous customer, and addresses The Man.

“Hello!” She says with pep. “Tell me about all these books”

The Man motions to the vast library.

“All these where written by L. Ron Hubbard”

“All of them?”

“Yes, he did write a lot of books!”

Her laugh would give Gandhi diabetes. They jabber for a while.

Then, The Man says, “All this might seem a little daunting, so would you tell these good people,” he motions towards us, “which books to start with?”

“Of course!” She smiles like she’s selling toothpaste, and lists about ten book.

“These are good to start with, but you can also buy whatever you want, because eventually you’ll want to own them all”

There are over 200 books in total.

The Man went on to talk about some reincarnation stuff, maybe a hint of ancient aliens, and our obligations to the universe. The film was wrapping up. The Man made his final pitch.

You are at the threshold of your next trillion years. You will live it in shivering, agonizing darkness or you will live it triumphantly in the light. The choice is yours. If you wish to leave the room after seeing this film, walk out and never mention Scientology again, you are free to do so. It would be stupid, but you are free to do it. You can also dive off a bridge, or blow your brains out; that is your choice. It is your future.

As we were let out of the theater, I considered my options. My next trillion years sounded cold, what with all that shivering. Right now, however, the outside was sweltering.

I felt the cool AC on the back of my neck.

[horizon-forbidden-sheesh]

Writing Process: Google > Scrivener

When I began writing, I already had plenty of material to work from! For more details on this, read the Preamble. 💋

⚙️ When I began work on the fic, I was working in Scrivener, adapting first-person journal entries I'd drafted in my phone's Notes app. I wanted the full fic to be third-person in order to develop the background motivations for multiple characters. Scrivener gave me plenty of space to hold all the journal entries, timeline notes, and dialogue scraps I didn't know what to do with yet.

I originally planned for 10 Chapters, at ~10k words each. My initial outline looked like this:

I The Bulwark II The Kulrut III Returning IV Rest V What Was Lost VI Waiting VII The Scorcher (👈🏻 After 26 chapters and 90k words, we are currently here.) VIII Rebellion IX Endgame X Finale, or Returning, Reprise

However, I was quickly burning out due to the length of each chapter, and after asking around in Discord, I had a sinking feeling readers would be overwhelmed.

What I Did Instead:

At a certain point in April, after about ~6 months of on-again off-again drafting, I got fed up, a little drunk, and chopped up my enormous existing chapters into smaller chapters: five, to be exact. That night I posted the first one, ironically called 'The Last One.'

While I have been very selective about chapter titles, at the time, I didn't have a title for the whole shebang. But I was wine-drunk and flippant, and said "Oh just fuggin pick something u bish." So I called it 'The Marshal,' because it was just vague enough, y'know?

(I absolutely would have called it 'What I Choose,' if it didn't already exist.)

I told myself I'd post weekly. Just the first 10, ending in that bittersweet conversation Aloy has with Varl about Rost. It gave me 5 weeks to figure out how to write 5 more chapters. And I was off to a great start with 6 & 7 drafted in advance.

But then I got this comment on Chapter 6: "Looking forward to the Kulrut Hopefully we get some more of our power duo fighting together 😁"

I was... absolutely planning on skipping directly to the dialogue scene after the battle. And based on what I'd already plotted, I would need to squeeze in an extra chapter to get'er done, pushing out my 10 chapter outline. But I REALLY didn't want to disappoint anyone, especially if they were LOOKING FORWARD TO IT?!? 🥹

I was also traveling at this time, away from my computer and my stupid, bulky Scrivener file. So I whipped open a Google Doc and started firing on all cylinders to write a new Chapter 8 complete with Kulrut battle scene. And lo, I discovered:

⚙️ Writing in Google Docs gave me SO MUCH MORE FREEDOM. I could access my drafts from my desktop, my tablet, and my phone. These days, I write mostly in bed on my tablet, which is a FAR cry from the early days staying up till 2am at my desk.

It was extra comfy, because Google Docs is where I do all my client work. As I've mentioned: IRL, I'm a copywriter/project manager for print & digital design work. Mostly, I build websites, but as a freelancer, I work on a wide range of projects and the tools I use need to be flexible & accessible to a wide range of audiences.

The Google Suite is perfect for that, and I have a simple filing system for all my projects to keep things nice and neat. My writing work fit perfectly into that system, and the same flexibility & accessibility really supported my writing process.

Here's what my file folder looks like these days:

Which frankly, is a lot easier to navigate than this dumb Scrivener sidebar:

I finished chapters 8, 9, & 10 in Google Docs. I'm still really proud of myself for taking the leap and posting. Sharing your work is scary! Or at least, it was for me.

I'd never written ANYTHING on this scale before, and it felt like a huge accomplishment. I'll be honest, impulsively posting that first chapter with a short runway and a clear end-goal made it a LOT easier to be accountable. I would recommend this strategy to ANYONE!

Tips & Takeaways:

🖤 Consistency is key, but I've found it comes at a price. Trying to post once a week in perpetuity will slowly bleed you out. Wait to post until you have at least half your content under your belt, and set a clear end date—if only for your own sanity.

🖤 Be flexible in your outline!! In both Part 1 and Part 2 I ended up with an extra chapter that pushed my intended finale into the next season. I'm still glad I had an outline, but I'm grateful I left room for it to change. (This is something I would have had a LOT of trouble with 5 years ago! Personal growth FTW!)

🖤 When you start to feel like writing is just biting concrete, find the most fun way out. Is it writing the most exciting scene you can think of? Or is it looking at what you already have and finding a new way forward within your existing structure?

🖤 You're gonna be stuck with your title for the long haul, so make sure you like it. Or at least that it's something you can tolerate.

🖤 Do what feels natural. Everyone is different. If you're like 'okay yeah, but I really like writing by hand and then editing as I transcribe it' do that. Go bananas. Have a ball! Find your own way up the mountain. These tools may work for you, or they may send you into the pit of despair. And you should always avoid the pit of despair.

🖤 Write sober, edit drunk.

xo, Sheesh

[castorthegreat]

castor// journal entry 1// year: 2723

location: uhhh resting above Mars watching a storm cell move north to a cabal fortress

//Just A Pretty Good Person//

okokokay, im so bored. so like i’ve been waiting for several days for a classified ship but it hasn’t appeared on the radar, or anything like it for that matter. it’s been quiet

it’s not really weird it’s quiet but being quiet w my head can be problematic. parents’ death, cayde’s death, and the horrors and trauma i’ve endured over the last decade or so

//ghost whirs, a couple of soft beeps pointed at the Guardian/ “You did tell Zavala you could do a long stake-out.”

i did, yeah.

“What does that mean to you?”

bro we’ve talked about this everyday we’ve been up here

“And everyday you write the same things. Are you supposing you can find an alternative answer?” his Ghost chucked, it’s voice vibrating against his ear comfortingly.

AHAHA. i did laugh a little. but in seriousness, let me complain and be emo about this. i’m not a patient person. it is MY journal. PRIVATE.

“I know this. And so does Zavala”

i imitated his voice, “So does Zavala”

The ghost rolled its eye and brought up a recent message from said Commander, a holoemail i could read. “You know that there is a running bet at home how long you can last, right?”

IFIDKDKE LOL WHAT no way no way I’m literally 32!! i actually saved the galaxy several times??? and they dONT TRUST ME???? i’m pulling up my actual mission stats -

HA, found it. not this page not that page

wait how many pages - oh wow a lot

“You’ve never looked through your statistics profile?”

shut up, u know i have. they changed the layout

“The layout of this document hasn’t been altered since -“ soft orange digital files flew through the document and landed on the front page, “2721. It’s been 2 years.” the look in his eye was amusement.

i laughed but also felt kinda shitty.

hey, lucky charm. whoever started the bet is gonna lose. i don’t plan on actually giving up,,,

Ghost’s engines fluttered with praise, “As I knew you would!”

what was the point of showing me your sidebar chats w officials back home? like, you know i have self esteem issues man

“I joined the conversation because they doubt your skills, I’ve been there and I’ve felt what we’ve gone through. They joke like you’re still a young adult when you were-“

when Pollux and I showed up, i know.

Lucky Charm’s gaze softened, however that was possible, “You’re stronger than their perception. Those who matter are counting on you.”

but you literally didn’t have to bring this up, idgi i’ve been out here. now i’m not gonna stop thinking about this bs.

“I told you this because you deserve to know how others treat and disrespect your skills in the field, or wherever they doubt you.”

okay lol wtf now i wanna know who it is?? is it Osiris?? that mf is always self righteous and mean af OH OR WAS IT -

“Castor,”

i don’t like this shit. i feel like shit.

“You shouldn’t like it, it’s mean.”

IT IS MEAN!! LOL!! like my sis and i are renowned across this shit, our entire squad is famous, idgi. you filled my head w negative thoughts. thaaaanks. i’m telling Andra!!

Ghost laughed, “It’s because you’re so nice and pretty much blissfully unaware that your coworkers can be mean to you.”

i checked my comms and messages starting to actually feel uneasy. can we change the subject?

“Your worth doesn’t belong to others’, my dear friend, is what I’m trying to communicate.”

Poorly.

you could’ve just jumped to this silver lining lol

“Or we can talk about your self esteem issues.”

BROOO i havE A THERAPIST ON BASE I HAVE AN APPT IN 6 DAYS I LIT SAW HER YDAY

“I’m just being a friend,”

i’m not sure how i feel about this, but uh it’s there ig.

——————

it’s been a few hours - still nothing around mars OH! i did see two cabal ships bump like bumper cars in the south. i clipped it and sent it to the squad LOL

- and i’m still pissed there are bets against me. considering i have a few days on this stake-out i’m stuck w my dep and reflection and i gotta say, im pretty proud of the things i’ve done and do for our galaxy. i think i have good morales and am headstrong about injustice and i know that’s why a lot of them disagree w me, but my contribution to The Tower as a whole, to our Guardian duties and the lives we put behind our shields to protect, i don’t regret my choices. i’m castor tahananui bitch and i’m a pretty descent person

CASTOR OUT 💪🏻🤙🏻

[pizza-soup]

Just wanted to make a post saying I'm alright, I'm healthy, and most importantly I'm happy. I found that peace in analog living that I was looking for.

Long post ahead so brace yourself! I promise it's good.

So...

In a way my life outside of work went backwards in time. I did it all so drastically by canceling my internet for five months, and my phone? Well took a bit of searching to find a carrier with a non-smart phone device but I found one. Calls and text only. I left a message that my hours to call were between 1pm - 10pm. Unless there was an emergency. Devices like my laptop and tablet were not allowed in my room, everything was in the kitchen or living room, shut off entirely and used only when I got all my important things in the house done. My screentime was limited to just an hour and I set timers to keep to that. I was too used to spending so much time watching videos and pinning things but had nothing to show at the end of it all.

It was hard at first, but they say breaking a habit takes 21 days and it's easier if you replace the habit with a better one. So I asked a friend from work to hold me accountable and suggest a task to replace any mindless scrolling. She lived in ABQ but originally came from another country, she'd always had an interest in the local wildlife but being a city girl wasn't too comfortable going out herself. She knew I was much more daring, so she set me on a task to document what I'd find out there, take photos, write notes, and share them once a week. I found a sturdy enough journal in the garage and used that. I first I tried to draw everything but that was impractical, my brother gave me an old dedicated camera and then it all fell into place.

My friend loved reading through it, she'd add her own notes, she even added gummed stars to it like an old school book report. It's become a fun task but I'm running out of pages now, she said she wouldn't mind continuing it but it's apparent I haven't gone back to scrolling much anymore. Mission accomplished!

I got back into handicrafts. Sure I still draw digitally, but I started wanting to create things I could hold. Since I missed keeping a record of my life online, I started looking into analog journaling, at first it was just writing then I started playing around with found ephemera, finding quotes that inspired me, creating a ritual of lighting a candle and using scented pens to make these sessions soothing and inviting. When it rained, I'd open the window and write near it, and since these writings would only be for my eyes, I was allowed to write whatever came to mind, no filters or censoring, just my raw emotions and feelings. The torn pictures and odd bits glued in reflecting my mood for that day. While it's more convenient to pop open an app to write, it felt nice to see and touch something physical, to brush a finger on that pressed leaf I found by a stream or smell that bit of perfume I wore going out to eat with my loved ones.

My brother started getting inspired by me, and though he still uses his technology daily like gaming or the phone, he's taken to cooking from scratch. He has food intolerances (milk, nuts, and eggs), it limits his choices on anything from snacks to meals and some of the alternatives offered in stores taste horrible, but YouTube has been a huge resource on how to create food he can truly enjoy without accidently eating something that could make him sick. I'm his taste-tester now. At first his experiments were questionable, but now I enjoy his vegetable pancakes, mushroom and spinach hashbrowns, and venturing into Greek cuisine whenever my mom's dad goes on video chat. They'll cook together.

I became a bit more spiritual. I never understood why my dad would spend so long over a certain bit of text or quote that caught his eye, then write pages about how he interpreted it or how it made him feel, but now I do. Sometimes something just grabs you and you get so many thoughts about it. Nature makes me feel that. I'll see something and a profound thought hits me, suddenly I start writing pages expressing my thoughts, sometimes its just giving thanks for being able to be alive at that space and time to witness it. My grandmother says I'm finally learning to listen and being taught by beings much older than humanity. It's all fine to go out and explore, go seek out a thrill, but it's equally exciting coming back home having learned something that makes things fall into place or challenged your way of thinking. So now I use these experiences and meditate on them quietly, write what believe I was being taught, then open that page again when I need guidance. It's certainly helped when I felt overwhelmed and depressed.

I dropped to a very low point when I lost my orange tabby this year, he fell ill in July and I tried my best to figure out how to help him through vets. It never hit me just how old he really was. He acted like a kitten, looked so young... he was 17. His heart was just wearing down and he was in pain. They gave me time to say goodbye. I spoke and held him until the end. I buried him in the ground of the only home he knew. I remember writing something about this when I came across a dying crow in the woods. It was beautiful, their eyes looked so old, the feathers were faded and shabby. They didn't look scared when I stumbled upon them. Didn't react at all. Just stayed there, wings held tightly, barely breathing, making soft sounds as if it was talking to itself. I imitated it, and it responded with more soft sounds, coos, preened itself a bit. It wobbled toward me but stayed its distance. We went back and forth making those soft sounds. Eventually it's body went slack and it's eyes dulled. This little life was gone and it moved me to write coming back home.

I don't know how animals think of death or if they think of it all, maybe it's my human bias, but I know if my time eventually came, I'd like to have someone see me off, even a stranger. I'd like to hear a gentle voice as I passed on. That I wasn't alone. This experience in May helped my loss in July. This little kitten that I raised since he was 3 days old, found in a city dump with their siblings, I was there for all his firsts, for his graceful aging, and for his final days. And that's such an honor when you think about it. I was blessed with so much time with him, and it really does make you cherish the time spent with other loved ones. We never know how much time we have left with someone, yet we think we have forever.

To end this on a positive note, my health improved. I haven't had any relapses in my blood pressure, no fainting, even when doing some hiking I was okay. Maybe I finally built back my blood after that major injury, maybe it was the detox, who knows, maybe everything. But I think I can say I've made a full recovery. Work is the same as usual, still weird and entertaining as always. My brother's integrated into the night crowd wonderfully well and feeling like he's finally out of that stagnant place in his life. My mom is great, she's since moved into Carolines home and intends to stay long term. She enjoys the culture up here. Her father bought her old home and her younger brother is a permanent resident there, getting the help he needs for his schizophrenia, and pursuing his art again with a renewed passion.

Financially we're doing better than I could hope, I got a substantial increase, but we're still being frugal and helping out those who need it. As you read my inner health has improved and I feel like I finally have a handle on how I want to live. Essentially in a different era so to speak. I guess that's what I was searching for when I said I felt like Alice in that last post. I was looking for a way home through old abandoned buildings and forgotten places. And thought something must be wrong with me. Why did that feel like home? Because it was, it is.

When I rebelled against my mom, I took off not knowing where to go. I found refuge in these forgotten places and they became a home. Like these forgotten places I too felt betrayed by people I thought loved me, I felt discarded and alone. So I suppose I imprinted on them, regarded them as friends and shelter during the darkest days of my life. I was so scared, I felt like she'd find me, drag me home, punish me for daring to go againest her if I hid in the usual places. But she would never find me in these places. They were much too ruined, chaotic, and distorted.

When I finally found a true place to call home with Caroline, I started missing these places, as they were my islands in a storm, they took me in when I had nothing. I became protective of these places that people feared. I wanted to show everyone the beauty I saw in these empty and liminal places. But capturing that feeling without them knowing the context and emotions I felt during that time was tricky or next to impossible. So I started researching their history, piecing together what these places were, never once trying to present them as scary but that they simply existed and were misunderstood.

And this worked. It also worked for my relationship with my mom, especially when someone outside the family tried to tear down her old childhood home, something she had a hand in making long ago. I was there to defend it, to put a stop to a man who called it worthless. And my words spoke out againest this to the city, asking them to see what I see, and what it could be. That you didn't need to destroy something to make room for something new, as not everything new is good. You can change things that already exist and make them better. You just have to make the first move and sometimes that's all it takes to have others follow.

It was here I realized its was in my nature to guard. Not just as a job, but as a guard in its truest definition. Just as I advocate for those who work below and forgotten by the employees above. With Brun and his crew. With the janitorial. With the abandoned animals, with the homeless, with the local native tribe. My heart is full for those lost and voiceless, because I know how that feels intimately.

And now my mom's old home still stands, being renovated and preserved as a historical spot. I believe that was the pivotal point our relationship mended. She understood now. We came to accept we needed each other for balance. Sometimes she needed to let go of that stubborn order to have a little fun and to keep sentimental things from being forgotten. Sometimes I needed a bit more structure in my life.

Okay so a lot of structure.

It's a work in progress, especially with setting times and limits on myself, my god its hard! But its worth it. I don't think I'll be fully like her, lord knows we're too different for that, my brother is more like her but with time management. Together they help me be accountable, and I help them cut loose a bit when they get too wound up.

But getting back to the main topic...

I am sorry for just disappearing and leaving people hanging. I guess I thought my last message explained it all, but a few were left confused and scared. I'm really am sorry for that. I'm okay! I hope you're okay and if not, I hope you will be okay soon.

However if you think this message is me returning, Im sorry. Its not. I really don't want to return to social media to be honest. I don't know if I'd fall into the same bad habits again, and it was an uphill battle trying to undo the damage it caused me. I've fallen out of love with things I used to do online as well, they just don't appeal to me anymore for various reasons, and that may impact a few of the friends I left behind. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me, you're valid in your anger and sadness, I acknowledge and accept that. If you never want to speak to me, it's okay, I understand. You do what you need to.

To those who wish to stay in contact, I can't exactly guarantee we can. It might be intermittent, weeks or months might pass. I guess in a way my lifestyle now has a bit of a time-dilation thing. Things will take longer to get to. Transmissions might get lost. Please understand why though.

Best wishes to you all! Know that in my disappearence you were in my thoughts and prayers. I love you all.

[subbing-for-clones]

She Who Walks the Line Between Part 3

Maul x GreyJedi!Reader

Word Count: 2682

WARNINGS: blood, fluffy fluff starts picking up

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       The few hours of sleep he was able to achieve were filled with nightmares that consisted of his memories returning. His life played out behind his eyelids charging his sadness, terror and his fury. Yet before his mind could plummet to unreachable depths, he sensed a calming presence in the back of his mind. A hand that reached out for him to hold onto. He had no idea that during his rest he became quite vocal and Y/N stood in his doorway using the force to ease him back into a relaxed state. Pulling him further away from the unseen dangers that threatened to pull him down and drown him.

    He woke with a start, not remembering where he was. His first thought was why it didn’t smell like fire and burning fuels mixed with humid gasses. When he felt his legs shift under the blankets the events that took place yesterday flooded back to the forefront of his memory. He smelled the sweet sugary aroma of a plate towering with baked apples and honeyed meat sitting on his night stand but before he indulged his groaning stomach, movement from outside the window caught his eye. It was his savior.

    Not covered in the same make of dress she wore yesterday. Today she adorned a fitted white cloth binding across her chest and beige trousers that bagged around her thighs but were tight just below her knees. Barefooted, she dual wielded white lightsabers in the Ataru style. Dodging quickly and lunging aggressively toward an invisible attacker. Gracefully she connected the two sabers so they appeared to be a single double sided weapon. Twirling them so quickly and dancing on her feet so lightly his eyes had trouble keeping up. She was working through forms he both recognized and ones he had never seen before. He could see a light glimmer of sweat slicked across her form catching in the early morning sunlight. She must have been training for hours already. Strands of hair falling out of the bun she had tied up to keep the majority of her locks out of her eyeline.

    He took and ate the breakfast she prepared slowly, studying her through the glass with admiration. Obviously satisfied with her efforts she hung her now sheathed sabers from the gate and tended the goats and chickens within the pen. Despite her hostile training they were calm and trotted up to her as she passed through the gate. He watched her feed the animals and her mouth form words he couldn't hear, assuming they were praises as they danced around her.

 ~~~~~

      The next two weeks were more of the same every day. You meditated and trained in the mornings before tending to your animals. You knew his eyes were on you while he ate the food you always left for him, always watching. You feigned ignorance and never mentioned that you caught him staring, surprising yourself with the fact that you kind of liked the attention. When you had finished your morning routine you would find him dressed in his room practicing the basic movements and exercises you assigned to him for his physical therapy. Satisfied he was actually doing them you would go shower and dressing in your usual slitted dresses that you preferred.

    You would eat again together and continue helping him work his legs. After the first few days he joined you in your afternoon meditation followed by more exercises or flipping through one of your many books, light music always on in the background. The longer he was in your care the softer his eyes looked, the stronger his legs got and he came to be more comfortable in your proximity. You had both gotten used to one another's company. You had spent so much time alone on this planet you had forgotten what it was like to have a companion. A rather agreeable one at that. It was nice.

 ~~~~~

      Now able to walk on his own with only the help from a cane he joined Y/N outside every morning. Still unable to train as she did, he practiced walking around the pen surrounded by the animals. He could see a smile grace her lips when he interacted gently with them. When she had finished, she strode over to him leaning up against the fence with her arms crossed and her brows furrowed.

"What is it?" He asked, honey eyes filled with concern that he had upset her somehow. He tended to revert back to the frightened apprentice she realized he had been at one point in his life if she wasn’t careful. Despite the fact that he had never one been the cause of even a slight frustration within her.

"I have to leave for a day or two, stock up on some things this planet doesn't have. I need you to stay here, I fear a storm is coming and I don't want to leave the animals unattended. Would you be alright with that?”

Sighing with relief he agreed and watched as she boarded her ship and took off.

      The next day after she had left, he must have looked up to the sky every hour impatiently waiting for her to return. He ate much less without her, swearing to himself that it didn't taste as good if it didn't come from her hands. He did however keep up with his exercises and spent much of his free time with the goats and chickens. That night he had even more trouble falling asleep than he usually did; missing her company. After tossing and turning until daybreak he made a daring move, striding toward Y/N's room without his cane for the first time.

    He had never been inside of it but he had caught glances after noticing she had been sleeping with her door open, starting a few days after his arrival. Sheer white curtains hung in front of the transparasteel panes that overlooked the garden. Like the rest of the house, not a single chronometer in sight. The need to keep time didn't really exist in this place, he enjoyed that small detail over the past few weeks. It was starkly different from how he was raised, every moment of every day planned down to the second. Even a slight deviation always resulting with a beating. He had to keep reminding himself that she was not his master. When he did forget she would always lend a kind reminder she was master of nothing and no one.

    The pine-colored rug under foot was exceptionally plush and extended across most of the floor, the polished dark wooden flooring peeking out only around the edges of the room. A long desk was situated beneath the large viewport. Atop it lay several data-tapes and empty books. She must be copying the information by hand he assessed. Actual paper writing was extremely rare and her home was filled with paper sheeted books bound in various leathers. One of the books sat open with a pen resting on it, the entry was short but he loved seeing her handwriting nonetheless. Without lifting the journal, he stood and read the page entry, curiosity getting the better of him.

Maul- Day 17:

‘He is recovering faster than I had originally anticipated but I am also not surprised. He has to be strong to have survived as long as he did on his own in the condition he came to me in. Already walking on his own supported only by a cane by day 10. He is gaining weight slowly but is starting to look healthier. He will snap back quickly once he can walk on his own again, unaided by a crutch. His eyes aren’t nearly as blood shot and the lighter shade of color in his horns and nails indicates he is getting proper nutrients and that his hormones have balanced out.

His mind seems to be healing as well, I haven't asked about his memories but I know they come in the form of nightmares. He responds well to my attempts to calm him in his sleep. They still come every night but he has gone from an excessive number of fits to only two or three a night. He is still wildly unbalanced but the scale is starting to tip in the right direction. I have come to realize that I enjoy his presence. He seems to be more comfortable with small talk. I like his voice, alas my mind wanders.’

    Maul hobbled over to her bed and hesitantly laid down on top of it not daring to mess up the bedding too much. Several realizations crossing his mind. One, she had actually come to care for him as he was starting to care for her. Two, he learned why she slept with her door open now. His hearts raced at the thought of her standing in his doorway calming him while he slept. Three, she liked his voice. He had always been scolded if he spoke unnecessarily, taught to be silent as shadows. But she liked his voice. He could smell her on her pillows, a sweet earthy scent that lingered in his nose. Very quickly sleep took him.

    He awoke that evening as the sun was starting to set to the sound of thunder ripping through the sky. His belly growled, he had grown accustomed to several meals a day and his hunger had caught up to him. Being sure to straighten out the blankets on her bed he stood and made his way to the kitchen. Opening the cooler for the first time, he found a plate with a large cooked steak and a note.

‘You had better eat this before I return. You have to eat even if I'm not there. -Y/N’

    He smiled at her sentiment. As usual with everything she made, it was like ambrosia in his mouth. The moment he finished eating he sensed the animals were distressed. Not bringing his cane he made his way slowly outside to the barn. The rain came down almost violently, lightning streaking across the now black sky while thunder crashed angrily.

    He was soaking wet by the time he got inside to check the animals who were immediately calmed when they saw him. Sighing he sat in the middle of the floor and began his meditation to stave away his and their anxiety of the storm. He had hoped she wasn't flying in this but she was already away longer than she said she'd be. That didn't help the knot of worry growing in his belly.

 ~~~~~

      When you came out of hyperspace and entered the atmosphere you realized you must have put the coordinates in a digit off. You were on the wrong side of the planet, jungle stretched out as far as you could see. This wouldn’t be the first time you had accidently come home in the wrong hemisphere. You sighed at your own antics. It was too dangerous to fly back out to space so you had to navigate through the storm down here. Your ship seemed to attract the lightning but you managed to sense it a split second before it struck, narrowly dodging the persistent bolts. Before long you could just make out the break that gave way to the grasslands. You started lowering out of the sky but were distracted to see Maul coming out of the barn. It was just a moment of distraction but an important moment, you didn't sense the lightning. You were struck and it killed the power sending you nose first straight into the soil with a loud crash. Your vision blacked out after hitting your head on impact knocking you unconscious.

 ~~~~~

 No...NO... fuck.

Maul watched as the bolt hit her ship and she crashed out in the field. Eyes wide with panic he ran as fast as his new legs would carry, almost giving out several times before he reached the fallen ship. He raised his arms, using the force for the first time in weeks he opened the door and lowering the ramp. It didn't reach the ground due to the crafts hazardous angle. Force jumping inside he landed on his feet with a shocking pain that radiated through his torso. Snarling he made his way to the cockpit where he found her starting to wake up.

 ~~~~~

 You felt strong hands on your arms gently squeezing, you sighed into the touch rubbing your head and your eyes. When they finally opened the first thing you saw were two brightly glowing golden orbs. Rubbing your eyes again, your vision fully returning, you realized they belonged to a very worried looking Zabrack. Who was covered in...straw?

    Remembering what distracted you in the first place you burst into laughter. Hard, rolling laughter.

    The worry on his face shifted into confusion. He slowly wiped the blood off your temple from where you hit your head. Then he lifted you bridal style and started walking out of the ship. Finding a new reserve of strength and determination he carried you all the way to your home. Although you stopped laughing you still giggled, picking pieces of straw off the back of his tunic. Finally realizing what you found so amusing he smiled, "the storm scared the goats so I meditated with them. I ended up falling asleep out there."

    He now stood in the living room, still in his arms you replied, "I kind figured as much." You pressed your forehead to his for a moment, butterflies dancing in both of your stomachs. He set you down on the couch slowly and fetched a cool wet cloth. Tenderly, he dabbed at the cut. You watched him closely, a slight blush fanning across your cheeks. He was so soft, so careful in this moment, so near you, a stark comparison to the man who had first landed in your field not long ago.

    He heard your heartbeat quicken and saw your blush, causing his face to deepen slightly along with yours. Quickly he stood, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck looking anywhere but at you. "I think you'll be alright," he stammered. "It's just a shallow laceration."

    You also stood, inches from him. He was taller than you were, not by much, but it was noticeable when you were this close to his body. "I could've told you that but noooo you had to cast aside your cane and come to the rescue... Thank you." You batted your long eyelashes at him and he gulped, gaze not leaving your own this time.

"I have a present for you."

"You do?" He asked now distracted from your devilishly plump lips.

"Yeah, quick stop on Naboo, few broken necks, spines and bribes later aaaaaaand.." you reached behind your back unclipping a third lightsaber from your belt. Still rough where it had been sliced in half you presented it to him. "Tada!"

"You did this for me?" He asked slowly taking it in his hands. It seemed.. heavier than he remembered. But it was his.

"Yes I did,” you stated matter-o-factly. Now that your obviously strong enough not only to walk but to carry me across the field, like the damsel in distress that I was, covered in straw no less. We will start training together. But for now, I'm exhausted. It's the middle of the night and I've had a maker damned day." You took a chance and leaned up into him, pressing your lips against his cheekbone with your hands on his chest, holding them there for a few seconds you felt him go ridged.

    Turning on the ball of your foot you wandered back into your bedroom. "Goodnight Maul." You called without turning to see his reaction.

    He held the place on his cheek where your kiss landed just before, mind reeling and melting at the same time. "Goodnight Y/N," he murmured. Not leaving his spot.