#overly sincere posting wtf
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I technically dont know im autistic because im not diagnosed and its more like peoppe around me have told me they think i am (whether it be in a nice way or not might i add 🙁 lately its also sometimes been in a weirdly... attempting romance way? like slow your roll buddy im not this way to make you happy in that way, all apologies, but get outta town!) and like i also have had most close friends that are autistic and even if i am neurotypical and just bad at it, I resonate with autistic people and im glad peoppe seem to be normalizing autism because the world we live in needs to be more open to more minds in general. I sometimes think about how some cultures have been brought to near if not outright erasure only to have the remains pushed together into some commodified "idealized" zombie of what once was and everyobody forgets about the people the ideas came from who died for their beliefes and culture and everyone just keeps forgetting and stuff. I hope we can love autistic people, weird people, all people because anyone who isn't an active harm is an active heal in my opinion and i hate seeing people get put down now that I see no good comes from it. I mean I know there are exceptions but work that out with yourself I don't want to sit and think about it because I am tempted to rant once more. Anyway part of my point is that I'm thankful for autistic acceptance being on the rise (perhaps, its hard to tell) because people do treat me more like an eccentric now and less as a fuck up. For most of my early life people really really didnt like me and though it was eventually deserved because I started being a big cunt wagon to everyone, at first it was because I wasnt likeable, because I said stupid things I thought were funny but everyone elae found embarrassing, etc. My kindergarten teacher got so mad that 8 couldn't hold a pencil and didn't care that I wasnt holdijg it right and refused to change how I held it. She got so mad she called me a slur. No one else in class really understood or cared, and my family used the word kinda flippantly so I thought it was just a word like dumb. Later in 1/2nd whenever I was sent to the principals office these 2 ladies would gossip about me right in front of me and would call me dirty because i would crawl on the floors if I wanted to or play in whatever at recess and yes it did make me kind of dirty. But at least i was alive! When I was in middleschool/early Highschool i got really mean and tried to avoid cringe as much as I could brinf myself to, and would shame others especially online. But in the past 3 or so years I've slowly let go, and today I feel very very free abd try to be as kind to others as I can (when I'm not in evil mode I mean. I'm also very VERY evil). There is so much to love about how everyone is wired a bit differebtly, how everyone was born in a slightly different moment and spot, and how every combination makes the world more complete. If you push people to only be certain things you get very tall islands. But the ocean needs more filling, methinks. Sorry to unleash all this I know no one will see this or be particularly changed by some weirdos surface level takes, but this post sure did speak to me. In conclusion, I love cringe of all forms! We are enemies no longer.
The hard truth about autism acceptance that a lot of people don't want to hear is that autism acceptance also inherently requires acceptance of people who are just weird.
And yes, I mean Those TM people. Middle schoolers who growl and bark and naruto run in the halls. Thirtysomethings who live with their parents. Furries. Fourteen-year-olds who identify as stargender and use neopronouns. Picky eaters. Adults in fandoms. People who talk weird. People who dress weird.
Because autistic people shouldn't have to disclose a medical diagnosis to you to avoid being mocked and ostracized for stuff that, at absolute worst, is annoying. Ruthlessly deriding people for this stuff then tacking on a "oh, but it's okay if they're autistic" does absolutely nothing to help autistic people! Especially when undiagnosed autistic people exist.
Like it or not, if you want to be an ally to autistic people, you're going to have to take the L and leave eccentric, weird people alone. Even if you don't know them to be autistic. You shouldn't be looking for Acceptable Reasons to be mean to people in the first place. Being respectful should be the default.
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𝜗𝜚 Satoru with a s/o who likes to get stoned
authors note: last thursday when i had ‘an experience’ i do not want to romanticize. i thought about how gojo would react to his s/o being high (because he doesn’t use any mind altering substances) so here i am ft. the notes from my phone i tried to use (i barely formed words) / tumblr doesn’t let me posts blogs with pics so excuse the lack of aesthetics
cw: drug use (mari🍃nna), insecure reader, nickname use princess
"Babe?"
"Yeah, princess?"
"Do you think it's weird how you have a girlfriend who likes to get high?"
— Let's be honest, he's probably used to being around high people because of Geto and Shoko (you can't tell me they don't stone occasionally)
— Satoru overall perception is that you're cute when you're high, because you never talk this much about your feelings with him, especially your feelings for him
— For when you're hyperactive, he probably gonna have a lot of fun, hearing you bubbling and trying to get 194829 things done but not doing shit right. Trust, it's documented in his camera roll.
— If you're rather chill and relaxed he totally enjoys cuddling with you and just watching you looking in the distance or taking 3 minutes to finish one thought. He is totally curious about what you think but wouldn't push it. (especially if you get high to destress from something)
— At the occasion of you having a bad trip he's totally there for you and those are the times he especially doesn't condone you consuming things, when they make you feel like this. But also in general if you would ask him, he would probably be anti-substances for you. Satoru understands the double blade of it, but as for something like mariXXnna, he would rather tease you out of it than having a real intervention. (No confrontation babe)
— He also wouldn't 'initiate' anything sexual or even go for it when you're beyond normal comprehension
— He loves hearing you talk about the most nonsense things. You wanna explain him your personal playlist? Why you sorted those songs that way? What each song personally means to you, which is just crazy specific. He is all ears.
— Your personal sandwich maker for your cravings, doing insane combos to impress you and asking for your opinion, being absolutely honored when you praise him like he created one of the seven world wonders (it's just a sandwich but he knows you eat everything up in that state)
— Now that I think about it, Satoru is probably the most quiet when you're high and babbling because he feels like he can hear you without any barriers of shame, that could stop you from expressing your true thoughts (and he will use anything you told him later to tease you and then he won't shut up, trust)
"- like isn't it useless, am i not crazy for taking it and you're judging me like what if you find me weird and you're normal and i'm weird and you see me as usless and stop loving me-" he finds it cute how you're so worried about all of that when he couldn't care less unless it's harming you in any way.
— (I have no idea if it's just me) but when you tend to be overly insecure about your feelings/expressing your anxious feelings, he will not stop reassuring you. Especially when you ask him 18 times if he knows you love him and that your love is sincere etc.He does take your insecurities as a validation of your love for him though.
"Oh my god, do i act like a drunk person? So i may sound like that. WTF i'm so insecure I have to stop. I'm sorry. I love you. Now I'm being quiet. You won't hear me talking. Omg am I more serious when I'm not high. Am I a drunk person?"
— His personal fave moments are when you start to explain for 15 minutes how much you love him and you start to go in so much detail that it's getting ridiculous. He would while all of that hug you from behind and look at you with the most soft look in his face just nodding and chuckling because you make it for real sound ridiculously.
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#gojo x reader#satoru x y/n#jujutsu kaisen#jjk satoru#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#gn reader#gojou satoru x y/n#gojou x y/n#gojou x reader#jjk gojo#satoru x reader#satoru x you#gojo headcanons#jujutsu kaisen x reader#tumbr is lacking#double drabble
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Some of the Many Ways Jon Snow’s Character was Destroyed in Season Eight (My Reading)
So I have been working hard on a longer series about the writing in seasons six, seven and eight, and what the ultimate arc of the characters was perhaps supposed to be. This post is a shorter supplement to the others in order to give a little more background on what just doesn’t make sense in Jon’s character arc.
The Beginning - Bending the Knee
It all began at the end of season seven; I believe most of us can agree that the jumping off point was Jon bending the knee to Dany. When that happened a lot of theories started to emerge about why he did it, and whether he was being disingenuous. This is because he didn’t have to bend the knee since Dany gave Jon her word that they would defeat the Night King together before he actually did so. Regardless of whether Jon was sincere (I personally now think that he mostly was), the reason the theories emerged was that many people had a hard time believing he could so cavalierly give up his crown. As @esther-dot has pointed out, doing that could be interpreted as a kind of treason against the North and the Starks, especially Sansa who supported him in spite of being the one who really came through and made the difference in the Battle of the Bastards. But regardless of whether one thinks Jon was playing the game, this moment seemed to be the start of his character going downhill.
Even though season seven was choppy in execution we did see plenty of skepticism about Dany from Jon. For example, he stood up to her immediately in the throne room at Dragonstone when she demanded that he bend the knee. He looked annoyed on the beach when Dany was raving about taking her dragons to the Red Keep. He advised her against becoming “more of the same” and also stood up to her by reiterating “I am a King” when she told him he didn’t have permission to leave. So I would say that even though there was a lot not to like about season 7, there really was not too obvious of a departure from Jon’s character until he bent the knee. As @esther-dot and others have said, taken at face value, bending the knee is pretty much inexplicable and indefensible from someone who had just been crowned King. Also, we didn’t really see any evidence that Jon didn’t want it, as he later claimed. The scene where he was crowned was a triumphant one for all involved with the exception of Littlefinger.
Jon’s Love for Dany Regardless of how “Real” it Was Went on Way Too Long
Jon’s love for Dany is problematic for many reasons. Personally, I now tend to believe the show was genuinely attempting to portray Jon as being in love with Dany from the time of his bending the knee onwards. My hypothesis is that he fell for her after seeing her come to the rescue during the (dumb) Wight Hunt. Her heroics, combined with the things he had been hearing from her devotees on Dragonstone, plus her infatuation with him put him over the edge. It all happened against the highly charged background of the deep threats facing them from all sides. Was it convincingly portrayed? Not really. The scene where he bends the knee itself was well handled, but up until that point there was very little chemistry demonstrated between the two, which is a (good) reason so many doubted.
At any rate, we may be able to accept that Jon fell in love with Dany or fell under her spell in some sense for the reasons stated above and also because Jon received very little of the negative information about Dany that Tyrion editorialized about in the last episode of season eight, when it was already too late.
But the most problematic aspect of Jon’s “love” for Dany was how long it continued. We did see them have a romantic and lighthearted Dragon Ride (the significance of which for Jon being a Targaryen was completely glossed over), and this was really the only non-conflicted “love” scene they ever shared. Many negative things happened in the first couple of episodes as well, such as Dany hinting that Sansa had to be forced to fall into line, her lack of remorse or empathy for Sam around the killing of the Tarleys and most of all, her gut reaction to Jon’s admission about his real name. None of these clues, coupled with his family’s or best friend’s apprehension seemed to have any effect on Jon at all. We can all agree that this is out of character for someone who had always shown a good conscience and would stand up for what was right even at personal cost to himself.
In the face of Dany’s selfish reaction to Jon’s true lineage and the growing likelihood that she was going to decimate a population of civilians (”Let it be Fear”), Jon said that he loved her and continued down a path of obedience and fealty.
Jon was Ineffectual and Clueless in his Reaction to his lover Dany’s Downward Spiral
Although Jon was perhaps never overly confident around women, he was a decisive character. Just a few examples: going to kill Mance Rayder, mercy killing Mance Rayder in front of Stannis, beheading Janos Slynt, bringing the Wildlings South, hanging his assassins. All of these things were done for good reasons, even though he may have hated doing some of them. He was also a sympathetic character who could read the emotions of others. But when faced with Dany’s growing paranoia and emotional disintegration, at least partly because of Jon himself, he seems unable to do anything at all about it. We don’t see him initiating any kind of discussion with Dany on why he is conflicted about their intimate relationship, even when she hints that she will now rule by fear. He says nothing to her about their shared heritage and what his real name means to him. While thousands of lives hang in the balance, he is so tongue tied that he can only say “I love you”, and doesn’t even attempt to talk Dany out of her darkness, which would have been the smart thing to do. What he does is go along with her plans to attack King’s Landing and gets angry at Varys after the latter explains his reservations about Dany. Would Jon Snow really be this dim? Which leads me to...
Our Hero Indirectly Participated in a Massacre and Didn’t seem to Ever really get Why it was Wrong
After seeing Dany burn a dissentor alive and give strong hints about ruling by fear (violence), Jon, a legitimate claimant to the Throne, does not question Dany in any way but helps her to attack King’s Landing. During the attack in which he witnesses “Little Children Burned” and other atrocities, he does appear to wake up to the horror of what is going on. But in the very next episode, we see him justifying Dany’s actions to Tyrion and generally behaving like a mindless sycophant. This is the same character who always protected the innocent regardless of the cost to himself. WTF!
The real reason that Jon kills Dany appears to be because of a threat to the Starks. Although this is a good reason, would this really be the deciding factor of the heroic Jon Snow that we saw in season 1-7? In his very last scene with Tyrion, Jon seems to be questioning whether he did the right thing. Really?
What happened to this guy? (HBO)
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The Biggest Problem With rainbow runtz strain info, And How You Can Fix It
The Best Guide To Rainbow Runtz Strain & Review
Table of ContentsThe 30-Second Trick For Rainbow Runtz Weed StrainWhat Does Rainbow Runtz Weed Strain Do?The Best Guide To Rainbow RuntzSome Known Incorrect Statements About Rainbow Runtz Weed Strain Rainbow Runtz: The Pot At The End Of The Rainbow Things To Know Before You Get ThisRainbow Runtz Can Be Fun For Everyone
Surrender the celebrities, after that click on to fee (rainbow runtz review).
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This facts is actually sourced from our readers as well as is actually certainly not a replacement for professional clinical suggestions. Find the guidance of a health expert prior to making use of cannabis for a medical condition.
I usually tend to simply take pleasure in sativas, but I would certainly acquire this indica once more, since it gave me the rested sensations connected to indicas without the couch collision. This is actually an attractive strain under the spotlight as well as is a fantastic indica for a sativa tobacco smoker appearing for something various. You will definitely think the common indica impacts but are going to still be capable to delight in the journeys that possess discovering this pot in the end of the rainbow.
The Buzz on Rainbow Runtz Strain & Review
Summary, Rainbow Runtz is actually an indica leading pressure that is actually made from the cross of Rainbow Potato chip as well as Runtz stress. rainbow runtz strain info. Individuals can easily assume a tart fruit preference complied with by a hanging around stimulating dankness as well as a high that is actually slightly cerebrally activating however certainly not overly saucy and a resting favorite to the body system that improves ten-fold along with each favorite.
Insanity, the runtz trend is taking America by tornado however lately a buddy of mine placed me on rainbow runtz. rainbow runtz review. Spunk had me spaced out with eyes reduced for a min. To be actually sincere it was unexpected, it had actually been actually a min due to the fact that I have actually possessed a pleasant low eye durable bud (runtz rainbow).
What is actually Rainbow Runtz? It's a cross of Runtz and also Rainbow Sherbert - runtz rainbow. Individually the Rainbow Runtz is actually more memorable to me than the Runtz pressure but that's simply me, aight. Every person is different when it concerns buddy, occasionally what hits a single person effectively is actually various for yet another individual. Hows it feel tho? Hang on, let me take a few more snaps as well as ill tell you.
There are various other smells in there yet at this moment it is actually difficult to determine due to the fact that I always keep scenting it and also at this aspect my nose is only bewildered. Lol Sense free of charge to throw out on the aroma profile page PLEASE! Opinion! The End result, Of the Snaps How it was smoked Tidy beaker bong without percolator or even ashcatcher - rainbow runtz strain price.
Some Known Facts About Rainbow Runtz: The Pot At The End Of The Rainbow.
This exactly how it really feels tho? Analgesic, massive moved eyes low (rainbow runtz effects). It is actually funny due to the fact that earlier I was actually smoking this strain. My eyes felt reduced at that time however when I initially started cigarette smoking in order to compose this post I resembled wtf! This is unconvincing! my eyes may not be experiencing heavy in any way.
It's just the style of stress where you may conveniently occupy yourself. But where it really shines resides in it is actually capability to area you out while you delight in a great deal of things you delight in performing outdoors. For instance, immediately I can inform you this is a terrific thermal spring pressure.
A combination which contains Gelato # 41, Dosidos and Zkittlez in its parentals, must result you exciting for its (runtz rainbow). If moreover you include, it is transparent that this tension is actually perfect for those hoping to rest after a lengthy busy time, to help resting as well as neglect regarding daily complications.
If you are going to develop her in SCROF it is a must that you wash those bottoms when vegetations have actually begun to floweering (divisions that will certainly never ever acquire handled by illumination) - rainbow runtz strain effects. Removing those lower legs plant will definitely possess a lot more information offered to use them in the tops, where will definitely be made use of even more properly, developing into greater and also denser blossoms.
Indicators on Rainbow Runtz You Need To Know
, as you virtually merely have to water all of them, and the (our team hardly use this word but depend on our company it will definitely). rainbow runtz strain. Concerning its own rate, the exact same way it accompanies othe rstrains coming from this seedbank,, compared to the average competitions' price - rainbow runtz seeds rainbow runtz seeds. This reality on its own carries out certainly not suggest a lot, yet if, our team can chat concerning a bargain.
If you finances is actually higher do certainly not avoid attempting this strain, yet if your spending plan is actually low (rainbow runtz seeds)... Our team virtually take into consideration.
Dried out and also cured total of nearly 5 weeks just before relating to me. rainbow runtz strain yield. Got this today, 3/2/21 - Unrelated in this scenario however this is certainly $fifty+/ eighth weed if it were offered in the dispensaries listed here. Believe $400 oz. Type - Sativa pitching hybrid that is a cross of Rainbow Chip x Runtz.
I dislike when that takes place. In any case, this certain assessment performs the strain as illustrated. - Different colors are actually whole lots of violet, deep dark dark-green, a silvery trichome-y sheen, some red, as well as different other tones of dark-green. It is chilled with trichomes. The weeds are heavy - certainly not hugely therefore yet good, solid thickness.
The Rainbow Runtz Long Lasting Fun Ideas
This may be this tension's finest hour. I anticipated great deals of sweet taste and also fruit, as well as it possesses that in droves (rainbow runtz genetics). But when smoked, a minimum of to my combination, the sourness comes even more ahead. In an actually really excellent way. It stabilizes the sweetness and also takes a serious complication to the fruit product aspect.
Lime for certain (rainbow runtz strain review). That's the strongest flavor however certainly not extremely therefore whatsoever (rainbow runtz strain effects). Properly stabilized with a mixture of a respectable amount of orange, a little bit of grape, a little bit of grapefruit, a little peach (!), and perhaps a very small stab of apple even, although that might possess been my wishful reasoning.
- I smoked coming from a well-maintained bong along with cold bottled water. The smoke cigarettes is actually heavy and velvety. Not harsh. I had the capacity to take huge hits without a coughing coming from the smoke itself. It is actually smooth. It's additionally widespread, and also performed obtain me once. Lol. Great, delightful on the palette smoke cigarettes that is smooth sufficient to blast of your nose, which I carry out to aid me evaluate the preference.
So I point out that considering that "sort of hype" is actually really "sort of news as it affected me directly." Cuz this one is different for every person, right? So coming from a, the news is actually rather effectively balanced as well as leans strongly sativa for me. It's analytical, as well as is actually heading to be wonderful pot to bind on (rainbow runtz strain).
The Ultimate Guide To Rainbow Runtz
I wouldn't mention it was virtually as tough a physical body news reviewed to the mind, although that might be a feature of my pal's possibility to harvest in any way milky/no yellow-brown, as evidently these were. rainbow runtz seeds. (My choice too) From a, I am no doctor yet I know what focus on my pain in the back.
This, after about 5 moments, took me a recognizable level of comfort. runtz rainbow. Therefore wherefore it's worth, it possessed a beneficial clinical effect for me. I would certainly call it moderate during that regard, at the very least for me. Recognizable comfort, certainly not difficult. Most definitely good enough to call it a plus though.
As I kind this it concerns an hour as well as a half eventually as well as I possess however to feel any sort of less stoned than I carried out in the start. Maybe a little bit even more body system as the buzz goes on. rainbow runtz strain price. Strength - As it performed not arise from a clinic and has actually not been actually checked, I do not really understand the varieties or even formal potency.
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I will admit, I did find it alarming that out of all people, Calypso was the only person to call Leo by that. And we can presume this is Calypso either actively making or unknowingly making (I dunk on her, but part of me still wants to give the benefit of the doubt) that choice.
And, well, there's evidence against Leo having 'Leonidas' as his full first name. Because we never hear his mom call him that. Of course, we only have Leo's snippets of his childhood, but from a Watsonian perspective, it makes sense for him to avoid diving into full details due to his mother's death. Still, regardless, he would've mentioned something like that. Percy noted that his official name is Perseus but got shortened to Percy for convenience's sake, but his mom named him that way because he was the hero who died a relatively happy ending.
Of course, Esperanza is not Sally, but she clearly wanted to avoid Leo from being slotted into the role of hero as much as possible. I've snipped this as best as I could, though sorry for the horrible visuals.
This... doesn't sound like a mom who would've intentionally or otherwise named her kid after an Ancient Greek King whose prominent role is a brave and heroic sacrifice. Of course, she is clearly aware that Hera thinks the Fates seem to have some sort of role set out for Leo. But she is also blatantly rejecting the attempts to mold Leo into this role.
Taking this into the context of this post, Calypso clearly put Leo being named Leonidas as her own invention. In my eyes, this could be interpreted two ways - she nicknamed Leo that way due to how he took down Gaea, and (generously) could have been used as a compliment. Unfortunately, that loses any basis of sincerity since it's clear from OP's quotes that he disagreed with that nickname in the first place. This just reinforces the negative aspect of everything the nickname suddenly implies.
Of course, we then get into the other can of worms, which is that Leo calls her Mamacita. I will point out that Leo only says that nickname to her, as far as I'm aware, only once throughout TOA. He never said that to the girls in the Argo II during Heroes of Olympus. Even when Reyna heard word of him saying that only once, she decided to metaphorically wash Leo's mouth with soap and make it clear that he should never say that ever again.
Of course, as much as I want to give Calypso the benefit of the doubt, the same must apply to Leo. He was relatively isolated regarding social relationships with people with similar cultures until he met Reyna. This has implications from a Watsonian perspective that while he knew and spoke Spanish, any social or cultural language of the culture (including social norms) from a pop cultural level. Unfortunately, as a person who's heard a good chunk of the songs, they have enough foul language to the point that they can empty a mall's worth of cleaning products.
Then we get into the Doylist perspective, in which Riordan's cultural references and usage can be either exceptionally well done, semi-perplexing, or a swing and a miss. And even then, I can cut him some slack on that. And that's because when I was younger, there weren't a lot of Latino protagonists in either YA literature or kid's literature. As a Latino guy (Colombian, specifically) whose only experience with other Latino protagonists before was a book specifically focused on a girl and her quinceañera, I appreciated Riordan going out of his way to include a protagonist like that while also not overly relying on some of the stereotypes. So on that I can be generous in terms of criticism.
Does that also make me biased toward Leo? Yes. But it doesn't remove the fact that my mind was going wtf, Leo when I read that sentence written on paper. Either way, as I've argued before, Calypso has done dirty to Leo before and after she became his girlfriend. In the meantime, Leo essentially broke her out of her divine prison without a price tag or quid pro quo that some 'nice' guys would attach to such an action.
Thinking about names having power in the Riordanverse- because it’s exactly the kind of literature motif that I LOVE.
Thinking about “Leo” being short for “Leonidas” who was a Spartan King who sacrificed his life fighting to save his people in the Battle of Thermopylae.
Leo, similarly, gave his own life to stop Gaea and save the world.
That comparison has already been made before, but there’s more-
Leo rejects the name “Leonidas” and chooses to go by “Leo”- in a way, rejecting the fate he’s assigned to. And he doesn’t suffer that fate in the end. He lives.
Yeah, names have power. But what you choose to name yourself has even more power. For example, the fact that Thalia rejected the last name “Grace” because it associated her with her mother, but then taking it back up again when she found out Jason was alive. And Leo chose to not go by “Leonidas” and he also chose to take the physician’s cure and come back.
And here we get onto what Calypso’s doing. By calling him something that he asked to not be called, she is taking away that agency of choice. She is taking away that power.
It’s a small moment, but it REALLY bugs me. Because, like Leo, I go by a shortened version of a longer name, and often one of the ways bullies used to hold power over me was by calling me by my full name repeatedly, even after I asked them to stop. It’s also a way a lot of transphobes hold power over trans people- by deadnaming. By taking away the power of their name, their choice, their identity, who they are, who they’ve built themselves to be, and their right to control all of that.
Now, I’m NOT saying Calypso is going as far as deadnaming Leo, but it’s a similar premise. It’s a manipulation tactic used to knock people down.
Now friendly nicknames -e.g. “Seaweed Brain”- are different, because Percy consents to it. It’s a term of affection between them (and notice how it’s different when Thalia used it. It’s a name that symbolises percabeth’s love, and it’s a name only Annabeth can use). But this is a name, while said in a jokey, banter-y manner, that Leo has SPECIFICALLY ASKED to not be called. And she does it anyway, ignoring the boundary he’s set, ignoring his choice to shape his own identity, ignoring everything that symbolised INCLUDING the fact that it’s literally Leo saying “I choose life” by rejecting the name that fated him to death. It’s just a big red flag for me. And if you put that on top of the fact that she also physically hurt him in this (enough to make him say “ow”) then you just get a whole host of Reasons Why This is NOT Leo’s “Happy Ending”- which the narrative paints it out to be.
#leo valdez pjo#pjo leo#leovaldez#leo valdez#percy jackson#pjo fandom#anti caleo#rick riordan critical
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Attempting some gratitude, for once.
I need to post this, before the thought and the mood from which it’s sprung both dissipate into thin air.
I suck at gratitude, on the whole. Seriously, I do, and I know I need to work on that. I’ll spare everyone my sob stories, explanations, justifications, etc. for why I have had a hard time with gratitude in recent years, but suffice to say - I am aware that I suck at it, and I heard somewhere that the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one.... so fine. I admit it. I’m ungrateful and unappreciative in my life most days.
But today, I’ve had multiple - MULTIPLE - moments of just feeling this weird, inexplicable, warm and fuzzy, happy, sigh-inducing THING just bubble up in me. And I was like WTF is this feeling?! Why is my tummy all glittery and light? Why am I sitting here on the sofa smiling for no damn reason?! OHHHHH! Wait! Is this.....gratitude?! HOLY SHIT, I think it is! So I’m gonna write it down and note it for all posterity. I, Evolver, have felt gratitude on this 7th day of September, 2018.
It all started last Saturday night, where, right in the middle of Labor Day weekend and my sister Rithers’ visit to our hike in Miami along with her hubby, Uncle K, and her kids H20 and NiNi, our 5.5-year old Vevvy fell ill. We thought that perhaps he was just overly exhausted from a long and happy day in the pool when he felt warm to the touch on Saturday night, but mid-day Sunday, during a beach excursion - Vev’s FAVORITE thing in the world, he completely fell apart, acting listless, fatigued, and not having fun at all. One look at him, standing statuesque on the beach, staring out to sea longingly while tears rolled down his cheeks, said it all: “what is going on?! I’m so confused, mommy! I’m in my favorite place in the world, and yet I feel so miserable! What is happening to me?!” A hand on his forehead revealed that he was burning up. Without a moment’s hesitation, Dr. Spouse loaded him up in the car and headed for home, while I remained at the beach with Dey to host Rithers and co. a while longer. Poor Vev needed a shower, some kiddie Tylenol, and bed rest, stat.
the “I am siiiiick” face :(
Over the next seven - SEVEN! - days, Vev would continue to have relentless fevers or 101-103F even with continuous children’s Tylenol and Motrin. He also developed monster congestion in his sinuses and nose, headaches, body ache, and general fatigue. I was sincerely shocked and more than a little intimidated by his congestion snot (keeping it real), which was so thick and oppressive, it would choke his throat and inhibit his from breathing if he dared to rest in even a semi-reclining position.
The poor kid had no choice but to be completely upright if he didn’t want to gag on his own phlegm, which meant that he (and by transitive property, I) could really sleep no more than 90 minutes at a stretch for four nights straight. He was miserable, and I was doing everything I could to help him, staying with him each night either on an air mattress in my bedroom, or just holding him against my shoulder/chest in my bed while he desperately tried to sleep and breathe at the same time. I felt awful for him, and mused for a moment about parents whose children have respiratory disorders like CF who live their lives this way.... good health is such a blessing that we all take for granted.
As much as I hated every minute of Vev’s suffering, there was something a bit nostalgic in holding him sleeping in my arms for several consecutive nights. Wasn’t there a time in the not-so-distant past where this was the ONLY way he’d sleep?! I bitch and moan all the time about how clingy, dependent, and non-self reliant my kids are — but it has been years since Vev needed me at night this way. My Vevvy has grown up a lot.
And to his credit, despite all this sicky misery, he was really a trooper while ill. Against his traditional character, when sick or not, he really didn’t complain much - just went quiet and kept to himself for days, forming a little nest on the sofa each day with a warm blankie, big box of Kleenex, and his iPad, not really asking for much at all except quiet and rest. He never really complained when I had to give him medication, and he did his best to heed my urges to drink clear fluids even when I could tell he really didn’t want to. And - forgive the TMI here - but you know your kid is really growing up when they begin to have some way of forewarning you and/or running to the bathroom on their own steam and hitting the preferred target of the toilet when they’ve gotta vomit. Fortunately, Vev only puked twice this week, and I suspect that too was only bc he gagged on his own copious snot — but both times, he announced “throwwww uuuup!” to me before sprinting to the loo and handling affairs with no mess and accurate aim. HALLELUJAH! This should be considered a major developmental milestone!!! (And yes - poor, poor kid! I really am glad it was only the twice, because that must have sucked a lot for him!)
Yeah, so. He’s growing up. Way to go, buddy!!!... and, sniff.
(supposedly this says “Mommy I love you ”... but he always starts writing at the bottom of a page and works his way up. He may also be of the mind that “Mommy” is spelled “mom-E.” Yes, we’re gonna work on it)
It was only yesterday, Thursday, that we got an official pediatrician diagnosis of his illness: the flu, as in the legit flu virus, or Influenza A. The word came too late for antiviral medications to be of any great use to him, unfortunately, but I was grateful anyway that we got a halfway-decent pediatrician BRILLIANT nurse practitioner who needed my assertive request demand for a prophylactic prescription or Tamiflu for Dey. We’ve had shitty luck in South Florida with pediatricians who appear to be reactionary and unnecessarily nonsensical in their responses to my requests for help - but this time, our pedi NP was A+. She treated our family like competent, educated people and did things that made sense as far as ensuring this highly-contagious virus wouldn’t spread to another healthy child living in the same household. I wish she could be our regular PCP (but of course, I bet she can’t be, bc she’s not a doctor. Grr, fucking managed care. Oops, hold it - I’m supposed to be channeling gratitude here, not my customary bitchiness. My bad.)
Anyway, speaking of Dey, I’ve got to brag about him a bit here too. At 3.5 years old, Dey’s baseline is definitely chill, go-with-the-flow, glass-half-full, and a pleasant, happy and easygoing “whatever you want, dude!”-ness that Vev NEVER was at that age. It’s been really awesome to see. But this week, his general outlook on life, combined with impressive moments of being a team player, cooperating, helping out, and exhibiting formidable empathy really made me sooo proud.
It’s certainly understandable that he’d be potentially jealous that his older brother got to skip an entire week of school while he still had to go. It would be even more understandable since they are actual CLASSMATES at school this year (yes, our Montessori school groups ages 4-6/preschool, pre-K and kindergarten in one classroom, so they’ve been together at school and at home since the start of the academic year). So I was very impressed when Dey accepted his brother’s illness and his need to stay home from school, while he was forced to go. Without one word of complaint, he’d get up each morning, eat his breakfast, get washed up and dressed out in uniform, gather his things, then visit Vev quickly and dispense a goodbye hug and a “hope you feel better, Vev!” before loading up in the car for school drop-off. What a trooper. At afternoon pick-up, when I’d ask about his day at school, he’d say with a little frown, “oh, school was okay...but Vev wasn’t on the playground.” It was kinda weird feeling my heart simultaneously break a little, but also burst with pride at how much he loves his brother. Sweet kiddo.
At home, each afternoon he’d run excitedly to Vev to see how he was doing, his face full of hopeful anticipation that perhaps today, Vev was feeling better and could play with him... but when he’d find Vev too miserable and tired to play, his face would momentarily fall in disappointment, but then he would muster some compassion and understanding, silently shuffle away, and find a quiet game to do in the vicinity, just so he could be nearby without disturbing Vev. Or, cuter still, he’d snuggle down on the opposite side of the couch as Vev, and tune his iPad into the same YouTube video Vev would be watching, so they could give each other silly smiles and glances during the funny parts. The boy would periodically race off in the house to find his toy doctor kit, and would affix his little plastic stethoscope to his ears so he could “give Vev a checkup” and “make him feel better.”
(Dr. Cutie Pie is in)
It was adorable, man. His whole world spins because of his brother. It’s so touching. I don’t know how it is that I managed to have two kids who love each other so much, because karmically I’ve done NOTHING to earn this. My sister and I were rotten to each other as kids, and only really turned a corner on it in our... what, our late 30′s?! Haha :) But I’m so grateful for these two dudes. These two little people are the best of friends, and they can’t live without each other. The feels.
One more funny brag about Dey. Dr. Spouse and I often jokingly refer to him as Dory, i.e. the lovable blue fish, voiced by Ellen DeGeneres from the Disney movie “Finding Nemo.” Dory’s schtick is that she’s easily distracted and has short-term memory.
Fittingly, Dory is one of Dey’s favorite cartoon characters, and he’s not shy to let the world know....
youtube
Anyway. Remember that whole prophylactic script for Tamiflu? Mind you, I was so grateful to get it. But. Ummmm, pediatric Tamiflu tastes FOUL. It is seriously the most bitter, disgusting, viscous goo I’ve ever gingerly licked to mentally prepare myself for my kid’s reaction to. I began fearing Dey’s reaction, and the ensuing tantrums to come over the five-day course of the drug. But I spoke matter-of-fairly to Dey about how this was a medicine he’d need to take to keep himself healthy, and that it would be a little bit yucky, but that I’d give him a HUGE spoonful of sugar right after to make it taste better (and THANK YOU, blessed Mary Poppins, for your genius).
Luckily, little Dory just took my words at face value without any further thought, opened his mouth, and downed the nasty shot of devil’s semen Tamiflu that I dispensed into his mouth. Immediately his face went every shade of red, purple, and white, with a coordinating expression like “what the hell is this shit?!” — but I swooped in there prepared, like a crack-smoking Mother of Batman, giving him a swig of water then heaping a MASSIVE spoon of white sugar directly onto his tongue. The result was nothing short of magical - the kid instantaneously closed his eyes in pleasure, turned up his cute little round cheeks to the ceiling with a huge smile on his face, and loudly cooed “Mmmm!” as if it was the best damn thing he’d ever eaten in his life. Moments later, the sugar fully dissolved, Dey matter-of-fairly reminisced with a RainMan-esque tone, “hey mommy, that medicine was kind of yucky for me. Kind of salty. Kind of spicy. But the SUGAR WAS YUUUUUUMMMMMY!” I worried that at the next dosing (and man, the kid’s gotta take it morning and night, poor little dude) he’d run screaming from the salty spicy medicine, and wouldn’t fall for the sugar trick — but amazingly, when I announced “medicine and sugar time,” the child came RUNNING to me with a huge grin on his face like he’d just won the lottery. He gulped down the medicine like a champ, swigged the water himself, then began changing “Su-gar! Su-gar! Su-gar!” till I ladled a bit into his mouth. Naturally, my mind spun forward a bit, concerned that his ease of overcoming the Yucky Taste Barrier and downing this stuff for a cheap reward might translate into some unsavory teenage and young adult behaviors (err, tequila shot champion in the making?! Please god, help us). But, for now - eternally grateful for my little Dory’s easy distractability and forgiving memory!!! Vev, at that age and even now, would have NEVER gone along with this!
(is it just me, or do they even kinda sorta look alike, Dory and Dey? No one else sees it?! No one?!!! Hmm...)
Anyway. In conclusion, it’s not normal for me to have something kind of bad happen, like the flu hitting one of my kids, but finding some good in the mess. But here I am, in spite of myself, awash in all the warm fuzzies.
1. I’ve got two healthy, happy kids, when many people have children with serious health issues and have to live their lives watching their kids sick and miserable all the time
2. my kids are growing up, becoming wonderfully independent, self-reliant, empathetic and helpful. But they still sometimes need me, and that’s nice too.
3. They both have such fun, distinct personalities.
4. I admit that it’s pretty awesome that my second kid is so chill. Love them both to bits, but if kid #2 has been more ornery and neurotic, I think that would have sucked. Having a chill kid #2 is a godsend.
5. They frigging LOVE EACH OTHER. It’s a goddamn brotherly love fest up in here.
6. Last but not least - the flu sucks, but it isn’t forever, and life will go on. Soon, in fact. And we’ll be onto the next adventure together. Look forward to seeing what it’ll be!
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Hwayugi Overall Review
Since this is just a review, I’ll try my best not to give spoilers to the ones who didn’t watch it yet. (but that wont really happen.. so just read at you own risk)
STORY WISE:
were you addicted to GOBLIN? did you like GOBLIN? was GOBLIN your type of show/genre? if your answer is all YES then I say my friend, Hwayugi would be your cup of tea.
but if your asking me if they are the same in terms of story? then my answer is “I dont know. I didnt watch Goblin in the first place” LOL!!
this one I know, they have a common denominator of giving you the feels….
Kidding aside, if you want something with
Casts that are marvelous/ Great acting then its a ✔
if it has funny Bromance ✔ ✔
Romance with oozing chemistry of the leads ✔✔✔
and its COMEDY? A++
a good story? ha.ha. oooooook… we’ll get to that……
During the first half I had nothing but praises for the story was really good. This is one of the rarest shows that captured me emotionally and physically by the 1st episode…. but then again no drama is perfect, it sure got frustrating as it reaches the climax and the suppose to be climax was a big “WTF! You.must.be.kiddin.me.”
I was totally ready to forgive ep19 but then ep20 happened.. But yeah we are cool about it now..
Yeah. Yes. We. Are. I guess?
now that I’ve come to that, it think the problem was because Hong sisters tried so hard to make it unpredictable that they didn’t noticed how they were already ruining the story.But then given its their work being rocky in the middle and dragging it out until the end is inevitable. But i tell you, even if it got so screwed up the addiction was still real, so I guess it was still the good eh?
yes of course it was.
CAST:
One word: BRILLIANT
each cast were just too perfect for their role, I had nothing more to say.
LEE SEUNG GI- as great Sage, Equal to the Heavens SON OH GONG is just PERFECTION.
He nailed the character so much that even he was an ass I couldn’t help but love him. Park Bo gum was 1st offered the role but honestly I’m really glad he turned it down tho coz i couldn’t imagine any other actor playing SOG rather than LSG. His features and personality were totally meant for the role, that’s why he became so effective in portraying it. Character wise SOG was really fun, frustrating at times, but swoon worthy at all times. yum yum yum!
OH YEON SEO- as human JIN SEON MI/SAM JANG, the most pitiful character in this drama, literally everyone just kept using her and regarded her like she’s just a thing they could throw anytime… like everyone were just so cruel to her, and I was in pain seeing that, and the more they do that the more I root for her character.
OYS an actress got a lot of hate in her portrayal, but the more hate she got the more I fell for her too. She pulled the character JSM so well even though she says she’s just about 15% similar to her. Aint she great? I’m still bitter on how her character met her end and I want justice for that!
CHA SEUNG WON- as CEO Woo Hwi Chul/ MA WANG the Demon Bull,
a lot cant stand his over acting here but I greatly appreciated that otherwise, he always paved a way for funny scenes to occur. And his bromance with LSG is just superb, their interactions and bickering were so delightful to watch. Character wise he was scheming, sometimes selfish, but frequently helpful 2nd lead, the fatherly figure of everybody, I just love how he took every demons into his house and loved them. this show should be titled “MAWANG and his peculiar demon children”
Other Casts:
all were Daebak I just couldnt help but praise them. All actors gave justice to their characters too, even the minor once became memorable. It just pains me that I didn’t get to see my desired endings for most of them (especially the girls)
for more simpler but accurate descriptions of all characters just check this out
ROMANCE:
ONE OF THE BEST CHEMISTRY I’VE SEEN. 1st episode they already got me. Sweet moments were not disappointing for the kissing scene were sizzling hot (IT was TRUE mehn!) but it was still your typical push-pull kind of love story. But romance wise it was VERY VERY SUFFICIENT.
The only concern I had was they never had that COMMUNICATION between them. they were never honest to one another thus eventually ended up on them going on their own versions of “because I love you, I will protect you with my life” bullcrap instead of just fighting it together.
CINEMATOGRAPHY:
a lot might say that it sucks but I say otherwise.
Yes the CGI was not great and cringed worthy (like what’s up with the ape looking ghost spirits anyway?) but the pan out views, the scenic views, the close up parts, and oohh them reflective shots were the best. i find those meaningful and poetic somehow, Those actually occurred often.and I greatly appreciated it especially that you’ve get to see things in a different angle.. notable scene would be this.
yes because I know you like this too (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ
and the CG Dragon- the “IT WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED”.. OOOHH PLEASE DONT GET ME THERE if you don’t want to see a full page rant.
but let me praise it though for it exceeded my expectations.. it wasn’t BAD at all.. it was WORST!!
They only had about a week or two to prepare this so lets give it to them, well at least it turned out cute. VERY Child Friendly.
but overall the shots for the drama were actually pleasing to watch.
OST:
It served its purpose very well. Need I to say more?
All of them brought life and drama to the scene so effectively. It was able to carry out all of emotions needed and I was really carried away by the scene each time the music plays.. and the lyrics were a perfect fit too. Top 2 faves are still When I saw you by Bumkey & if we are destined by BEN.
only question is why is the instrumental music that was played during EP14 backhug confession scene from SOG not included in the full album.. can you share it to me please if you have a copy. Thanks
CONCLUSION: To close this overly dramatic review, as I said on a previous post I’ll rate it 8.8/10.
I would have given it a much higher rating if only ep19-20 didn’t occur. But we are good now, ain’t even mad anymore……….
But you know what? The only thing that irks me was the way they delivered the ending and solved the issues of the show! First off, WTF did they just do to just kill SM off?!! her death was meaningless, it didn’t even served its purpose!!! Then, the first 60 mins of the last ep was soooo wasted to pure nonsense..This show has about 90% potential of having a happy ending since they’ve resolved everything in 19(manner of how it was done was so effed btw) but nooo they decided to focus on a useless illogical Amnesia arc…..
ok need to stop because just as I said im pretty cool about it now. Yesssss we are… Aren’t we?
So the golden question is.. Am i hoping for a season 2 or do I want it?
My answer is NO. Why? Because that is near to impossible (wag ka ng umasa bes mas masasaktan ka lng) . No but seriously, Hong Sisters somehow closed it anyway by giving a very plausible input (OG getting SM from Underworld) to the audience that whatever scenario they might think it will still lead to a 100% sureball Happy Ending conclusion..
and plus I don’t want them ruining my already perfect version of the ending.
P.S. And just to be clear… I am not salty about it anymore. I’ve forgiven them sincerely, so I’m totally cool about everything already.OK?
LOL.NO! NEVER!
#my last post for hwayugi#because i need to move on too yah know#thank you for all those who fangirled with me#it was a fun ride#hwayugi#a korean odyssey#lee seung gi#oh yeon seo#cha seung won
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a few jojo characters and the memes they would enjoy: a list
• jonathan joestar: he'd be that guy who doesn't understand memes at all
• erina pendleton: wholesome memes in general
• robert e. o. speedwagon: dead memes. especially those rage comics from 2012
• dio brando/DIO: anything involving wine, the goth aesthetic and shades of narcissism
• joseph joestar (young and old): literally a shitposting machine
• caesar a. zeppeli: he'd probably laugh at joseph's shitposting... just not in front of him. and i feel like he'd get a good laugh from the "...bro" memes
• elizabeth joestar, AKA lisa lisa: has a similar taste to dio's
• rudolph von stroheim: as he's a literal nazi, i figure he'd like alt-right memes or so
• the pillar men: wtf they have no time for that human nonsense (though kars would secretly be fond of doggo/birb memes)
• jotaro kujo: he'd look at lame puns but just to get angry
• noriaki kakyoin: oh, he'd surely be a channer and love /v/. there is a 99.9% probability that he would've helped 4chan track shia labeouf down. and he still collects rare pepes just because he likes the damn frog so much
• jean pierre polnareff: no preferences. anything would make him laugh. ANYTHING, i say.
• muhammad avdol: he'd probably have a good laugh at the weirdest shit in existence
• iggy: he would feel like every human meme is too normie for him
• vanilla ice: this man would have a fanpage for dio and post memes about him, alongside pucci, mariah and enyaba
• terence trent d'arby: one who would enjoy memes about gaming (but not the ones that we see on facebook). a loyal follower of /v/, just like kakyoin
• hol horse: y'know the kind of jokes that your dad and/or your uncle make on whatsapp? this is the one.
• josuke higashikata: he'd be all over doge and would beat up anyone who claims it to be a dead meme. because, y'know, he's practically the human form of doge. insulting doge would be insulting him, just like the hair thing he's got going on
• okuyasu nijimura: like erina, he'd post wholesome memes all over, and probably some weird internal jokes with josuke
• koichi hirose: anything that his friends say is good
• rohan kishibe: memes about the struggle of being an artist (especially from tumblr)
• yukako yamagishi: the kind of memes that teenage girls like
• reimi sugimoto: doggo memes, all of them
• mikitaka hazekura: weird-ass jokes that no one understands and laughs at exactly because of this
• yuya fungami: he'd make memes of himself and would use them unironically in every situation possible
• shigekiyo "shigechi" yangu: overly saturated memes that no one can stand anymore
• yoshikage kira (parts 4 and 8): i bet 2 dollars that he'd share anything as long as it's about laughing at the expense of idiots
• giorno giovanna: have you ever seen this man. he does not laugh. he wouldn't post any memes at all.
• bruno buccellati: he would actually and sincerely laugh at everything the other passione members sent to him
• guido mista: his favourite meme would be "no homo bro", to the point that he'd say that to giorno all the time, who wouldn't get it and just stare blankly at mista
• narancia ghirga: the dANKEST MEMES IN EXISTENCE
• leone abbacchio: depression memes, to a point where the other passione members would start to become worried about him
• trish una: memes about pop singers and LGBT culture in general (she's like the typical straight girl who says she's "one with The Gays™")
• pannacotta fugo: he would give angery reacts to every meme even if he liked it
• vinegar doppio: no memes, just cute pictures of anime girls and dogs
• risotto nero: he looks very menacing, but the kind of memes he would like is... dad jokes. all over.
• ghiaccio: to quote the man himself, and that may or may not be an actual ghiaccio quote, "WHO THE FUCK HAS TIME TO LAUGH??? I AM TOO ANGRY FOR THIS"
• cioccolata: the kind of meme that makes you think "what sort of psychopathic fuck would get even the slightest laugh from this shit"
• diavolo: he wouldn't normally laugh at anything, but if doppio showed him any meme he would probably chuckle
• jolyne cujoh: memes about sex. even before she turned 18, she'd still make these jokes over and over
• ermes costello: would giggle at lesbian memes but swear to god that she isn't one
• f.f.: she doesn't understand human humour, but would definitely have some good laughs at the lamest facebook memes in existence
• wes bluemarine AKA weather report: any sort of memes that make fun of florida, for any reason
• narciso anasui: those memes like "we are number one but every one is replaced by pingu saying NOOT"
• gwess: has pretty much the same sense of humour as cioccolata's, only more toned down
• enrico pucci: aside from managing the dio fanpage mentioned above, he would also like christian memes ofc
• johnny joestar: oh he'd laugh so hard at the "i have crippling depression" meme, because he would just find it so relatable. and then cry afterward
• gyro zeppeli: like in canon, he'd share pointless jokes, stupid puns and songs that became memes (such as man's not hot or the 7th element)
• lucy steel: a very simple girl, would laugh at anything mr. steel showed her. like her original universe counterpart, she'd also be fond of wholesome memes
• diego brando: like kira, would share memes that make fun of others. probably an addict to failarmy compilations
• hot pants: christian memes, like pucci, given her religious background
• sandman: that one image that has a boy presenting a powerpoint slide that says "white people are crazy" would be, hands down, his favourite
• funny valentine: there's a very high chance that he'd share memes poking fun at hideous spelling/grammar errors. and memes mocking the UK. he'd also say "FREEDOM, BITCH" unironically
• jo2uke higashikata: his timeline would be comprised of lame puns. he'd also make some OCs and show them all to yasuho before publishing them
• yasuho hirose: haha reacts at every meme jo2uke posts
• norisuke higashikata IV: the daddest dad jokes. no one can compare to his dad jokes. he would be a winner in that aspect
• daiya higashikata: music memes (and, as she's blind, she'd ask kyo to read the memes for her)
• joshuu higashikata: would probably like the ideal GF meme and make a "yasuho GF" of his own
• hato higashikata: similarly to trish above, she'd enjoy memes about pop singers. and there's a high chance that she'd like stuff about the kardashians
• jobim higashikata: beetle memes if those exist at all. the man would also be a huge pokémon lover as well, and share jokes about the franchise
• tsurugi higashikata: as in canon, lame puns. jobim would also show him the pokémon jokes, which tsurugi would greatly appreciate
• kyo nijimura: doesn't laugh in front of the higashikatas, but she herself would make some OCs at the expense of the family and send them to jo2uke, hoping that his "kira" side appreciates those
• kaato higashikata: she once saw one of kyo's OCs. and damn, she loved it so much that she begs kyo to send more, especially if they're about norisuke
• karera sakunami: anything will make this woman laugh, especially relatable memes
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Wrapping Up Odd Ends And All That Stuff
What a year it has been.
I don't really know where to begin, and I don't even know why I'm actually writing an end-of-the-year rant when I know that virtually no one gives a damn about me in this website except for my actual band content, but hey, since it's an ungodly hour of the night and I'm sleep-deprived and running out of stuff to do, why the hell not.
I have had this account for five years now, since 2013, and I never actually got the hang of it. I only came back from it because one random day in my life I felt like being complete Pierce The Veil trash and expressing my overwhelming bandom sentiments in the only place where I knew it might be remotely understood. I didn't expect to be active in terms of posting until I found myself at five in the morning on a fucking school day editing bad PTV memes and wondering what the hell I was doing with my life. Honestly, I can barely fathom why you guys enable my awful content and actually patronise my stuff, but I appreciate everyone all the more for it. It's actually heartwarming to know that there are actual living, walking, breathing human beings out there that get what I post and relate to the shit I spew and actually like them. And here's a little PSA, please feel free to chat me up if you feel like it, because I'm apparently intimidating and I never know how to start conversations, but once we've started I can be a pretty chill guy to talk to. Only if you want to of course. I'm not desperate or anything.
(Sure you aren't Allen.)
I only started becoming active on Tumblr really late this year and yet I already gained an insane amount of followers. An insane fucking amount. Seriously, it's unbelievable like wtf you guys are loco I don't freaking deserve this at all. I also met all these awesome people that are in the same wavelength as me, found fantastic active blogs that really satisfy my bandom trashness, found a whole lot of new earworm-inducing bands to obsess over, and gained a couple of great friends that are really nice to me despite my awkwardness and initial lack of social response. And in all sincerity, I recently realised that wasting my nights making dumb gifs and crappy lyric edits and random 3 AM band posts and out-of-place rants (such as this one tbh), as well as reblogging them, has helped me find a place to express myself creatively and vent out when needed, cope with the shittier parts of my life, and stopped me from doing harmful things to myself again. This is getting a little too real, so I'll maybe cut this short right here and spare you my mental breakdown.
I know I'm gonna regret posting this because I revealed too much of my weakness and must never speak of it again, and I most likely won't be doing this sort of post the next time around, so I'm gonna abuse it for all it's worth. And here goes. To the people that follow me and I follow, to the awesome people that I've met and continue to talk to, to the cool people that I badly want to be my friend but I can't because I'm too awkward to strike up a conversation with them, to the fantastic people that are constantly a part of my notifications, to the people who make brilliant band content that make me laugh and feel alike, to the random people merely passing by, to my personal friends who are seeing this and are disgusted with me rn lmao, to the people who misclicked something and accidentally ended up here, to the people who are actually follower bots, to the probably nonexistent people that actually bothered reading all of this bullshit and putting up with me, thank you so much. Believe me when I say that I have much love for ya'll.
(Aaaand I ended this post with ya'll. My 2018 is forever cursed.)
Happy new year everyone, sorry for being such an overly-sappy fuck, and here's to another great bandom trash-filled year with everyone. And to properly end this...whatever this even is, a couple of lyrics of the song Gold Medal Ribbon from my favourite band (what else?) Pierce The Veil to wrap it all up:
I swear that I can hear you in the wind You're singing to me and you're Dancing in the halls outside again I'm always listening, I swear, I swear, I swear...
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Uta Pri: 6th Stage Report Pt. 1
By now, it’s no surprise how deep into Maji Love Live hell I’ve fallen. So it didn’t take long for me to get into my head that I would, in one way or another, make it to the event in person one day.
The moment this post hit my dash, it made me think, “Man, I would hate to miss seeing that! I feel like that will definitely be a reality for 6th Stage. Wouldn’t it be cool to be there for it?”
“One day” could be a reality, if, with a little faith and a lot of hope, I tried.
GETTING TICKETS
Was by far one of the most exhausting things I’ve ever gone through. And that is saying a lot as I have been going to concerts, in local venues and arenas, rock and pop, both domestically and internationally, for 13 years now. Without a doubt, there is nothing, nothing like the process of getting tickets in Japan.
I researched extensively throughout the entirety of the ordeal reading up as much as I could (reference links later!) before I fully committed to take the plunge.
For 6th Stage specifically, there were 4 chances to get tickets:
5/27 Lottery w/code from Legend Star vol. 1 in January
5/28 Lottery w/code from Legend Star vol. 2 in February
5/27 + 5/28 Open Lotteries on eplus in early March
5/27 + 5/28 General Sale on eplus in Late March
As luck would have it, I went through each and every one of these before securing my ticket. That’s right, I lost out in all 4 lotteries and somehow, by the grace of God, scraped the bottom of the barrel to snag a rare ticket from the general sale. Now. I’m pretty sure this took years off of my life, so here’s some things I learned along the way for each entry point.
5/27 Lottery w/code from Legend Star vol. 1 in January
Purchased through CDJ, shipped as Registered Air Mail - this was definitely mistake #1. I barely got my package in time to send the proxy service my code for the entry period orz orz orz
I used a proxy service (Japan Concert Tickets) and they were incredibly helpful, professional, and upfront throughout the whole process!
I was overly optimistic here, totally thought it was a shoe in, NBD, so losing the first time stung pretty badly ngl
5/28 Lottery w/code from Legend Star vol. 2 in February
As soon as I received MLLS1, i immediately updated the shipping for this next order to EMS. I received my DVD the day of the release. Yay! 10/10 recommend this shipping option if you need something right away from CDJ.
Still worked with JCT as the proxy service, but obviously lost out on this one, too
5/27 + 5/28 Open Lotteries on eplus in early March
This was probably the most stressful of the lotteries. probably because of the finality of what losing on these lotteries meant. SIGH OTL HERE WE GO.
I worked with JCT to enter, too, and they were a little less patient with entering on my behalf vs. the previous two times. Probably because they were helping more people this time than with people who made the purchase to enter in Jan and Feb.
They sent their confirmation of entering the lottery the day before the entry period ended. Cue anxiety. Woof.
I found out afterward that I could have also entered myself (I made my own eplus account after the fact), but I didn’t. I mourned over this for a while once I lost out on these lotteries, too. Oh well.
When JCT sent the losing notification, it was a blanket BCC email saying due to the extremely low chances of winning tickets, they will not be offering lottery services for future Utapri shows, for the time being. So FYI for prospective MLL attendees. Otherwise, they were very very easy to work with, and i totally understand it’s not the best use of their resources. Alas, off to fend for myself. Onwards to the general sale!
5/27 + 5/28 General Sale on eplus in Late March
At this point, i was pretty defeated, ngl. Everywhere I read, everywhere said don’t even bother with the general sale because there’s no chance.
I, obviously, refused to believe this. I believed there was a chance, even if it was a sliver of a chance. But it wasn’t over yet. Despite myself, I kept the faith and stuck it out.
eplus does not recognize international credit cards, which is ANNOYING. As a work around, I set up my account to pay/pick up at Family Mart. I figured I could figure this payment part out if I got to it. SHRUG
I have NEVER used eplus before, so I tried to poke around to other ticket pages to get a feel for how the application process works.
Spoiler alert: the 6th stage ticket application was NOTHING like the other ticket pages I poked around on D:
I was really scared to have my browser translate the page to English in the event it messed with the loading time or cookies on the page. I tried to memorize the fields so I could at least have some muscle memory with the first page on what goes where.
At 12:00:01 JST, I refreshed the page. And eplus told me I lost my place because I had another eplus page open. I did. it was my member page bc i was checking randomly for something else.
r u srs.
I went to go back, and the site crashed.
wtf the fuq.
I spent the next few minutes compulsively refreshing the page. F5 F5 F5
by 12:07, I assumed that tickets were already sold out.
I still kept refreshing
by 12:10 i officially resigned i had no chance, ready to close the browser window
I still kept refreshing
Suddenly, the application page loaded with options
I started toggling between either day, as the page said tickets were available for both
the page kept loading
the entry fields continued to show up
i kept hitting enter
i frantically just kept trying combos
then finally….the next page loaded
i s h i t y o u n o t I blacked out. i straight up blacked out, i don’t remember what i thought, what i saw, what I did, WHATWASAIR, my mind just blanked because I DID NOT THINK I WOULD GET THIS FAR.
all i remember is that i just skimmed through the page, scrolled to the bottom and it was a blur of letters i didn’t recognize and then a big pink button.
i clicked it.
the next page just said application complete
???????????????????
what. that’s…..it? that’s it…..?!?!?!??! that seemed too easy. wasn’t I supposed to confirm my name for the ticket? what did I miss? WHAT WAS ON THIS MYSTERIOUS SECOND PAGE. I may never know.
By 12:30 i received an email from eplus with a Family Mart code and a message to redeem the ticket in 48 hours.
with the help from my friend, I was able to track back track the steps that led me to getting the confirmation code
thankfully, she was able to help facilitate the transaction in Japan, so by Monday afternoon my time, I got a note that my ticket was secured.
For a long time, NONE OF THIS FELT REAL.
General sale was, by far, one of the most INSANE experiences I have ever put myself through. I truly feel for all other fans who’ve tried and either succeeded or failed. It’s GRUELING. The eplus interface was not intuitive, the entire process was not user friendly at all, and if Japanese is not your first language, it is definitely a challenge.
However, if you are not weak of heart (or just downright stubborn like me), then I absolutely encourage you to try it anyway!!! I knew that this was my last chance and I am convinced getting my ticket was a fluke. I especially knew it, given how late I got in after the tickets went up for sale that I would be VERY VERY VERY FAR AWAY. But it didn’t matter.
Out of sheer dumb luck and blind determination.
I
was going
to Maji Love Live 6th Stage.
PINCH ME.
Things I referenced as my guide:
@aishiteruitsumo6‘s 5th stage reports
@otokogizenkaigofight‘s ask about 5th stage tickets
Bernie’s summary of Getting Concert Tickets in Japan (and overseas)
@sincerely-shine‘s How to Get Tickets to Seiyuu events
A Momokuro forum discussion page specifically for oversea fans
good ol’ Reddit
I would say, more or less, these posts definitely set the foundation of the beginning of the process, if you’re curious! (and a massive thank you to all of you, you have no idea how much all of your details helped me!)
(Continues on to Goods Line & Trading @ Sunshine CIty)
#maji love live#maji love live 6th stage#seiyuu#uta no prince sama#utapri#utapuri#yh reports#mll reports#AND SO IT BEGINS Y'ALL#i'm not joking i must've lost years from my life trying to get tickets to this goddamn event#just about 3 months of PAIN to try and get tickets#would i recommend it to everyone?#not at all#like seriously#if you don't like soul crushing rejection#then don't do this#would i do it all over again?#PROBABLY LOL OTL
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A META ON THE CRAZINESS THAT IS KATSUKI YUURI AND HIS STUBBORN ASS SET ON RETIRING
I’ve seen a lot of people write metas on wtf actually happened during the last 2 episodes of Yuri!!! on ICE and Yuuri’s frustrating decision to retire, but so far I haven’t managed to 100% agree with any of them so I wrote my own!
In this meta I’ll try to answer the following questions (and no, “anxiety made him do it!!!” isn’t a magic answer), discussing almost everything solely from Yuuri’s POV:
-When exactly did Yuuri start seriously considering retirement? And why? Why didn’t he consider the option of working under another coach?
-Why did he decide to tell Victor only the day before the final, even though Victor deserved to know it much earlier as his coach and boyfriend?
-Why did he buy pair rings and exchange them in a location that clearly expressed his romantic intentions towards Victor when on the next day he was planning to ask Victor to go back to Russia, ending their professional relationship and severely straining the personal one?
Okay, so you guys remember the first episode?
Yuuri is NOT a quitter. Boy is actually competitive as fuck, and he actually gets annoyed when people automatically assume that he’s weak enough to freak out and retire over one failure. He isn't thinking of retirement here yet, but still he’s grieving for Vicchan and is highly upset over his performance. At this point he didn’t have any solid plans about the exact path to take., and after he fucks up and fails to qualify for worlds, he severs his bonds with Celestino but he still doesn’t completely given up.
For the next few months Yuuri is frustrated intensely by the fact that he finally got be on the same playing field as his idol and made a complete mess of that chance, and it’s not possible for him to think of stopping at such a low point. He fights his depressed feelings by skating Stammi Viccino with a thought process that was probably something like “if I can skate Victor’s routine I probably still am worth something, right?” When he skates the routine in front of Yuko he still is trying to be positive, and if left alone he probably would’ve chosen to continue skating even without any outside intervention, though it would’ve taken him some time to finish his soul-searching. We’ll never know, because soon after that Victor appears, dick out in the onsen and all, and offers to be his coach and he's like fkhdgsfkdfj!!!
Before I continue further let me classify three facets of Victor that we see in this show:
Victor the skater, Victor the coach, and Victor the person.
When Yuuri interacts with Victor in ep2 he’s mostly treating Victor as the first one, the idol he has always looked up to, and his initial reaction is glee and joy because Victor! Freaking! Nikiforov! says I inspired him! He's so close to me!!! I get to see him skate at my childhood rink!!! What a time to be alive!
But with Victor here, new problems arise. Yuuri actually has to pick concrete, timed goals now instead of just “someday”, and as one of my friends at the yoi discord server pointed out, Yuuri tends to get nervous when shit gets real, and having your lifelong idol as your coach is as real as things get. To make things worse, Victor starts to appear inconsistent in his offer to help. Mid ep2 he proposes the Onsen on Ice event that would decide which Yuri’s request he prioritizes. Considering how Yuuri treated him kinda distantly after he dropped everything to answer Yuuri's request to coach him, this might be him trying to see if Yuuri really wants him here (something like “Was he not serious when he asked me to be his coach? I’m not forcing into his life without his consent, am I?”), and/or him being salty, and/or him trying to rouse Yuuri’s competitive spirit. But let’s ignore that since Victor isn’t the focus here.
Look at Yuuri’s face when Victor says “Sure” to Yurio’s declaration about what he wants if he wins (Victor going back to Russia with him and becoming his coach). Him agreeing to return to Russia if Yurio wins really shook Yuuri up, I think. Making Yuuri compete for Victor even though Victor had declared that he's gonna be Yuuri’s coach just in the last episode made Victor appear to be an amazingly flighty guy who changes his mind very easily, from Yuuri’s perspective. (I thought the same back then, ngl. I know he had faith that Yuuri would win and the Nishigoris’ comments had also convinced him that using Yuuri’s competitiveness is a good idea, but why even put that up to chance??? Can you imagine the mess it would’ve turned into if Yurio won?)
It made him think that amazing as Victor may be, he can disappear at any point if Yuuri makes a mistake (way to convince the poor guy of your sincerity, Victor =.=), and he shouldn’t expect Victor to stay here any longer than absolutely necessary- which, he assumes, would be the Grand Prix Final.
The earliest he mentions retirement is mid ep2, then he confirms it again in ep3 at the end of Onsen on Ice (thoroughly confusing because dude you just won??? why???), and towards the end of ep4 he talks about this season being his last again. He's still bitter over Sochi, he desperately wants to properly utilize the short time Victor will be by his side to redeem himself this season since our boy is hella competitive. He refuses to go down as the skater who qualified for the final only once and retired after fucking up. He doesn’t begrudge Victor for not promising a long-term commitment because Victor’s the living legend, of course he needs to go back eventually. But while he’s here Yuuri wants to learn all he can from Victor, and express that through his own skating, so that he can both regain his own pride and prove to the world that Victor's precious time wasn’t wasted.
Now one may ask, why not continue even longer then??? He’s 23 at this point and doesn’t have any injuries holding him back, so he can still go for several years.
Because continuing means there's another chance of messing up. He might be able to do well this season, he knows that it’s very unlikely to do as bad as Sochi. But if he continues for a longer time without Victor by his side he might do worse than this season and he doesn't want that. He wants to leave on a high note. He tries to convince himself winning a gold with Victor's help is the most he can do, setting a bigger goal is like setting himself up for failure, LET'S PLAY IT SAFE.
A part of him probably must be pissed by this because Yuuri hates compromises, just look at his face in the above pic when he’s told to downgrade his free skate, no wonder he doesn’t obey Victor in the end. But his low self-esteem and anxiety manage to convince him somehow that no matter how much he hones his skills, there’s no telling when his nerves will betray him, so he shouldn’t bite off more than he can chew.
Over the course of the series his confidence grows and he begins to regain his love for skating, but it's still not enough to make him rethink his plans to retire. He now views Victor with an exasperated fondness as the latter takes baby steps towards being a good coach and they manage to be a good team, and he no longer thinks Victor is flighty enough to randomly leave (as proven in his “I know!” during the garage scene when Victor tries to convince that he wasn’t serious in his threat to resign), but they never had a proper conversation about their future plans after the GPF and he has no reason to think Victor, the living legend, will completely give up his chance to go back to skating.
(This pic is here simply because it’s too pure for this world and needs to be included in every meta post.)
Yuuri also gets to know Victor as a person during this period and after the cup of China their relationship takes a more intimate turn, but while that bolsters his confidence in some ways, it also gives him a new reason to panic. He had always been ready to let go of Victor the coach at the end of GPF, but when the Makkachin thing happens and they're forced to stay apart, he's hit full force by the extent of his yearning for Victor and and is torn by the idea of losing both Victor the coach and Victor the person in near future.
When they were reuniting in ep9, Yuuri’s request to take care of him until he retires kinda confused me tbh because Yuuri knows that Victor definitely is staying until GPF at least??? I saw the scene as him being kinda desperate and not thinking very clearly at that moment. I think he was actually planning to explain his reasoning for retirement and then ask Victor to be his coach until he retired, but he ended up doing the second part first, resulting in a case of word vomit that from Victor’s POV sounds very much like a request "please say that you want to stay forever" (and is probably the true wish in Yuuri’s heart that he will not allow himself to want). He doesn’t backtrack on his words, which probably is because he probably thinks that Victor also expects him to retire at the end of this season (after worlds), Chris did say there were rumors of Yuuri’s retirement circling around. Otherwise this seems like an overly aggressive demand like "please give up your skating career for mine", since he hasn't told Victor about how soon he plans to retire yet? I don’t think Yuuri would do that on purpose, and probably doesn’t realize how Victor took his words until the next moment.
Note that when Victor wishes that Yuuri never retires before Yuuri has a chance to bring up his plans of early retirement and makes him lose the chance to explain himself by showing giddiness at the prospect of being able to coach him indefinitely, Yuuri gets teary. This is him realizing that yes, Victor is indeed willing to give up his career for Yuuri ("killing" Victor the skater), Victor is willing to make such a sacrifice because of the personal connection they've developed. That's why he's so bold and downright cheeky in ep10, because he's convinced that Victor the person is willing to be by side for a long time.
But he also doesn't want Victor to do it like that, Victor the skater was the one who brought them together in the first place and Yuuri loves him. Yuuri is also unaware of Victor's internal troubles, lack of L&L and everything, and has no idea just how much Victor has been enjoying teaching him compared to the time he was competing. A selfish part of Yuuri simply wants to see Victor on the ice regardless of all circumstances, so I think he might have tried to convince Victor even if he did know. (I personally don’t think his decision to let Victor go is influenced by outside influences, as it’s been proven in ep6 Yuuri can be selfish in a good way and he doesn’t give a shit about unrelated people’s opinion at all. Yuuri himself wants to see Victor skate again, and he’s under the belief that Victor wants the same but is making an emotional decision to do otherwise.)
Yuuri also suffers from imposter syndrome often, and it’s possible that he is convinced that retiring for the sake of "someone like Yuuri" is a massive sacrifice Victor would regret later, and he doesn't want to fuck up their personal relationship if Victor looks back at this decision in the future and feels that Yuuri forced him to retire. So Yuuri cuts off the possibility of that happening by finalizing (almost) his decision to retire, despite how much he still wants to skate and wants to do it by Victor's side. This way even if Victor decides to retire for some reason (Yuuri probably can’t imagine any except age), at least it won’t be Yuuri’s fault.
I was confused why he went for "Victor should stop coaching me and go back to skating, I'm gonna retire" instead of "Victor should stop coaching me and go back to skating, I'm gonna continue with a different coach since I don't wanna hold you back". After some brainstorming, I think letting Victor go and continuing under another coach is a very unappealing option to him for multiple reasons: he’s simply too attached to Victor the coach, even with his flawed ways Victor was still the best thing specifically for Yuuri. Both of them have a co-dependency problem, and Yuuri is aware of his own issues though doesn’t realize how it’s equally bad for both him and Victor. Russia cup proved to him that he can still survive without Victor and isn’t helpless, but he still isn’t confident that he won’t do worse in the next season if he becomes cut off from Victor’s constant, intimate support. Competing under a different coach would definitely do that, with the only possible exception being maybe Yakov...But that’s still too much of a long shot and depends on a bunch of different things (Will Yakov accept a skater from a rival country? Will Victor be allowed to be with Yuuri to give him mental support when he has no official reason to?). If you accept my theory that he wants to go out with a bang, continuing for another season under such unsure and less ideal environment than his current one is too big of a risk for Yuuri without enough reward. EDIT: This meta offers one other plausible reason, which is the possible financial issues Yuuri would have to face if he doesn’t do well enough during his post-Victor years and ends up only damaging his image and losing sponsors. It makes sense considering Yuuri’s tendency to not realize his own potential, it’s possible that sponsors are more than ready to look past his previous season’s failure and totally want to support Japan’s Ace who represented Japan in the GPF two years in a row, but Yuuri would fail to realize that and be much more nervous about being dropped.
Let’s mess up the ep order for a bit to talk about Yuuri and his standards. These are his thoughts during his FS on ep9.
Since he doesn’t believe in himself enough to think he has that much more to offer, he just wants to reach the highest possible goal he thinks is possible for him and stop. This is kinda hilarious yet sad, because Yuuri’s true aim is actually much, much higher. Throughout the whole series it’s clear that ever since the time he used to copy routines together with Yuko, his standards for skating have all been based on Victor. Yuuri has always wanted to be on the same level as Victor, and it doesn’t even end at that.
He wanted to surpass Victor, and even last year (when Victor was still competing!) he had actually aimed for the gold even though he never declared it. But it truly is such a high goal that he can’t say that to anyone, and is mocked by Nishigori when it slips out. This probably why Yuuri admires Yurio, who is a tiny bean but has the guts to declare what Yuuri can’t bring himself to.
There’s one thing that my thoughts are still unclear about. Yuuri’s original goal wasn’t actually just the gold medal itself (the physical item and the status that comes with it), but the idea of facing Victor, his inspiration, as a true equal. When Yuuri said that he wanted to have Victor step down as a coach in ep9, I first thought that he wanted it because he wanted to go against Victor next season, and was surprised when it turned out to not be the case. This skating season will always be lowkey unsatisfying for Yuuri because Victor is not in it, despite how much he respects his other competitors. In Yuuri’s mind Victor >>>>everyone, so I would expect him to be super frustrated if he retires right before Victor returns, allowing the opportunity to face Victor again slip away. The only reason I can think is deep rooted Sochi trauma that whispers to him that he won’t ever be able to surpass Victor no matter how much struggles for it, and this season is the only time he’ll be able to get the gold. (EDIT: as mentioned above, financial uncertainty might also play a role.)
The two dominating traits that make up Yuuri are so strangely contradictory, but they work together to mess him up: his pride as a hard worker makes him aim for the very best and refuse to do anything half-assedly, and his low self-esteem punishes him if he slips even just a little bit from the extremely high standards he has set for himself. Yuuri has too many conflicting desires as well-he loves Victor the person, Victor the coach, and Victor the skater. He needs all of them but he knows he can't (he's not Victor level extra™ yet), so he chooses to let go of Victor the coach which he thinks will distress Victor the least. (ding ding! WRONG CHOICE)
Before he does this, he gets the rings which confused me at first because dude, you're planning to practically FIRE Victor tomorrow, is this the right time??? Then I realized that it's possible that the rings both serve their original purpose of being good luck charms and also a statement to Victor that although Yuuri is breaking off their professional relationship, he doesn't want to let go of Victor completely, they are connected by more than just their bond as a coach and a skater. If we look at it like that this was the perfect time to make the statement Yuuri did, nothing softens the blow of huge decision bombs more than trading wedding rings in front of a chapel with a choir singing in the background. XD Also it might not be very clear at first glance, but Yuuri is SHIT at being empathetic. He definitely doesn’t realize how distressing it would be for Victor to be suddenly told “go back to Russia and compete” and the amount of emotional pain he’d experience from being forced into a long-distance relationship without prior notice. Yuuri becomes so caught up in his head that he often fails (remember poor Minami in ep5?) to realize how his decisions can impact others. He’s just satisfied that he has made his intentions clear, and is being lowkey arrogant (even though he doesn’t mean to) that he knows what Victor wants. He probably does know that it would at least ruin the lovey-dovey atmosphere they have going at this moment, so he delays delivering the bad news as much as he can.
However, I think the revelation that he had gotten drunk and danced in the Sochi banquet might have had something to do with his performance the next day. Victor had told him to “Skate the way you like best” just earlier, but instead of doing that he ended up being so obsessed with technical points that he lost points in presentation (just a touch down in the flip won’t lower his score that much). His anxiety might have made him interpret things badly, like “omg I thought Victor came to coach me because he found me inspiring, but in truth it was something else”. Depending on whether he saw all the pics or not/whether he learned about “Be my coach, Victor~”, the “something else” he suspects can be a bunch of things, like Victor found him comical/Victor just wanted sex etc. Anyhow, it might be possible that at the start of ep11 he is afraid that Victor doesn’t think of him seriously as a skater despite Victor’s fondness for him as an individual. Being a skater is a part of Yuuri’s identity that won’t go away even if he retires, his efforts and his accomplishments are a reflection of the person he has been until this point, of his hard-working personality and his dedication. The idea of just being regarded as the funny drunk who made Victor curious would crush him. (This whole paragraph is just my speculation though, I don’t have any evidence for this part.)
I don't think his failure in his SP did much in regards to his plan to retire, the only thing it did was make him more upset than normal because he knows that this is his very last chance to redeem himself and any small mistake is unrecoverable. There’s no “next time”.
However, a bunch of other things did happen to convince him that sending Victor back to the ice was the right choice. Victor kept observing the skaters with far more interest than we’ve ever seen him do, and Yuuri interprets that as Victor longing to go back to competing himself. This is a hasty judgement on Yuuri’s part because Victor never said anything about that. Even after the anime has ended we don’t really know what he was truly thinking then. Even the story writer Kubo has mentioned that she hadn’t decided on what Victor’s thoughts really were, but from the way it was presented (look at his smile! wide, bright eyes!), personally I felt like Victor was less jealous of the other skaters and more appreciative of their unique strengths, the way a coach would be. I do think Victor is being innocently insensitive here, because he really should’ve realized that his gushing might be interpreted differently by Yuuri (even Sara, who was sitting beside them, stared at Victor at this).
I'm kinda glad JJ fucked up his SP (sorry JJ! You're still the king!) because that actually helped Yuuri regain his self-esteem a bit, he couldn't look down on himself from past year without also looking down on JJ, and Yuuri has always been kinder to others than he has been on himself.
But that still doesn't change his plans to retire, rather it makes him sort of complacent. "I've done well enough, this is as far as I can go, I'll do my best tomorrow and hopefully get the gold now that JJ is a lesser threat, so that I can redeem myself and prove to everyone that Victor didn't waste his time on me". The part of him that hates to compromise must be screaming but the stress from the competition and his anxiety is working together to push it down.
He shares his plans with Victor that night and is confused at Victor being upset enough to cry, because isn't this the best choice? Doesn’t Victor also want the same thing?? Because of his imposter syndrome issue and his blindness to his own potential he doesn't understand why Victor feels Yuuri quitting is such a shame.
Like I mentioned before, Yuuri is convinced that Victor was originally planning to stay only until the end of GPF and later changed his mind to stay longer for emotional reasons that Yuuri doesn’t support. Victor is right when he says Yuuri is selfish, he never took Victor’s perspective into account when making his decisions, his focus was on doing what he needed to do to protect his own glass heart. (I find it fascinating how Yuuri doesn't MEAN to be mean -pun, haha- but he ends up doing just that very often because he doesn't have the mental space to care about other people's feelings. Also if my hypothesis on Yuuri taking the Sochi banquet revelation as a negative thing is true, he probably feels like that Victor doesn’t really respect Yuuri’s abilities as a skater as much Yuuri would like him to despite how close they are personally, so he might be lowkey bitter.“You came to Hasetsu to date me and you still can do that, y u so mad”. Also if he knows about the ‘be my coach Victor’ thing, he probably thinks that his drunken appeal was the main reason behind Victor’s decision, not his talent like he had hoped.)
I do think Victor is also to blame for the fact that Yuuri was able to hide his intentions for this long. If Victor was planning to stay with Yuuri for a long time, he should’ve sat together with Yuuri and discussed their plans for the next season waaay before this. Too bad we don’t see the details of their argument afterwards.
Right before his FS Victor tries to be nice and supportive despite how frustrated he is (bless you Victor baby you’re so in love), and Yuuri calls him out on it. He knows Victor is not a conventional coach. He’s savage in his taunts but overly adoring in his praise, and the safe, predictable encouragement he first tried didn’t feel genuine enough to Yuuri, so he complains.
I don’t want to discuss Victor’s POV because that’s not this post’s focus, but I believe Victor was trying to play it safe until this moment because he didn’t want a repeat of China cup and freak Yuuri out. Here Victor is starting to realize that when Yuuri says he wants Victor to be himself, he wants the whole package deal- Victor the person, Victor the coach, and Victor the skater.
Remember this scene from ep10? See the similarity? Here Yuuri is being all “let me have my dorky boyfriend, you don’t need to act professional just because you’re also my coach”.
Similarly, in ep12, I think the message he’s trying to give is, “Victor the coach has crazy-ass standards because Victor the skater is OP as fuck, don’t stop being your unreasonable self just on my account, I’m not that weak”. Let’s go back to ep5 for a bit to see just how unreasonable Victor really is.
(I’ll let you know that the subs missed the word “at least”. Victor wanted Yuuri to “score in the hundreds at least”. CRAZY MAN.)
Back to ep12. Here Victor sees that Yuuri is actually ready for criticism, that he’s feeling lonely and out of his element because of Victor’s gentleness instead of seeking comfort in it. Yuuri hates being seen as weak (as evidenced in his refusal to heed Victor’s advice to downgrade his jumps in ep5), and Victor decides to take a leap of faith and give Yuuri exactly what Yuuri wanted- a friendly taunt accompanied by positive reinforcement (win and I’ll kiss your gold medal) instead of negative like his failed attempt in china (fail and I’ll resign). It was his way of showing Yuuri the believes in Yuuri even more than Yuuri believes in himself, just how Yuuri asked him to back in ep7.
He uses the word “break”, hinting to Yuuri that he might return (thus giving Yuuri a hint that regardless of how he does in the FS, he won’t need to feel responsible for Victor’s decision), and also the phrase “warm-up mode” (implying that he still believes that everything Yuuri has done so far still isn’t his best, and he can do more). His tone throughout the speech is teasing, not like “why do you suck so bad”, rather “I can’t believe someone so damn good that I, THE LIVING LEGEND, chose him hasn’t won yet, this is ridiculous, give me your 100%”. Yuuri notices that and cracks up, look at him so happy. ;;
“Oh my god my boyfriend/coach/idol is so ridiculous in his demands, I love this man”
And Yuuri goes and skates a flawless program, and gives Victor that 100% he had asked for. There are a couple things to note in his monologue during his routine, many of which are the basis for the earlier parts of this post. Although he tweaked his routine for a higher difficulty, he doesn’t obsess over the points this time, he just clears his mind and focuses on presenting his tribute to all the love in his life, Victor being featured in a considerable portion of it.
During this last chance, he finally once again chases the goal he had given up since Sochi, to be on equal standing as Victor. He also admits that he doesn’t truly want to stop, and wants to continue skating with Victor and his loving support.
But he can’t keep Victor the coach without killing Victor the skater, so he chooses to let the former go.
However, he does greatly love and appreciate Victor the coach, so he’s determined to display the results of Victor’s efforts through his skating, to all the people who have kept mocking Victor about him not being serious enough.
Once his performance is over, Yuuri is glad that he managed to give his 100% and didn’t let his nerves get the better of him, but it distraught because this is the end. (Still no explanation why he has to retire himself, though)
Or so he thinks. Yuuri is forced to rethink his life choices when he ends up breaking Victor’s world record.
Look at his expression here. Like “HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GIVE MY 100%?!” Even Yuuri, with his massive self-esteem issues, can’t help but see his own potential at this point. Undermining himself after he has broken Victor’s world record is basically undermining Victor himself, and Yuuri would rather jump off a cliff before that. The only thing that could make him happier was being able to truly be on the same playing field as Victor which becomes a possibility when Victor hints to a desire to return to skating competitively.
Victor’s body language in these frames is so important here. I think Victor has realized by this point that unless he gets the chance to face Victor as an equal, Yuuri will never get complete closure and get past his perceived failure from the previous year. Victor doesn’t just glomp Yuuri, he first shakes Yuuri's hand and then pulls him into a one-armed hug. Yuuri’s being shown that he’s being taken seriously as a fellow skater, congratulated with a formal handshake by Victor the skater, not just his coach+ boyfriend. Even when he does hug Yuuri, he’s still holding onto Yuuri’s hand. Look how ecstatic Yuuri is when Victor claims that Yuuri breaking his record was "ultimate diss as a competitor". Just look at that smile. "I MANAGED TO GET VICTOR TO CONSIDER RETURNING" is so much more important to him than "I MIGHT GET A GPF GOLD". My guess is that until now he simply didn't think he could accomplish anything special by continuing, but not only does he feel more hopeful about what he can do, but Victor appreciates him as a competitor! Hurrah! Since he’s Katsuki Yuuri the king of lowkey assholes, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought something like “Victor is feeling frustrated because of me! I want to frustrate him more by breaking his world record again if he manages to take it back!”
Note how Yuuri doesn't worry about the score of the skaters who skated after him at all, no "oh crap if skater X gets more than this specific number of points I won't get the gold medal" which is odd since the gold medal was a real possibility at that moment, normally people would worry (like how JJ did about Otabek). It was like the gold medal itself mattered less to Yuuri than being on the same level as Victor. He managed to successfully skate a flawless program on the same difficulty level as Victor with a perfect quad flip as the cherry on top, and that was enough to calm him down for the moment.
The happenings of ep12 chip at his plan to retire bit by bit. Recognition from Victor as a worthy competitor convinces him that there might be worth in returning after all. Seeing abandoned Makkachin tissue box hits him with the reality that Victor won't be his coach anymore, it simultaneously breaks his heart and reminds him that he can make his dream to skate against again Victor a reality if he just fights against his self-deprecating notions a bit harder.
And of course Yurio's performance-during the later half of which we didn’t get Yuuri POV so I can't say exactly how, but it inspired him enough even before the results got announced. Each of the pics above have Yuuri's eyes sparkling indicating strong emotions (though you can't tell from the still screenshots).
I think the main two things Yurio manages to do are this:
1. Yuuri put his 100% into Yuri on ICE, but Yurio put his 120% in the way he added an extra quad and did many jumps with his hands raised. Remember, Yurio’s stamina is pretty meh, boy almost broke down after he was done. He shows Yuuri that his “I can’t do any better than this” thinking is BS, and Yuuri becomes curious what he himself can do if he continues and puts his 120% next time.
2. Yurio also showed to Yuuri in a shounen manga style that there are still many worthy opponents™ for him on the ice and he couldn’t afford to become complacent just because he had established a world record. Also Yurio changing up his jumps and overexerting himself to match Yuuri’s FS also shows him that he is also being regarded as a worthy opponent™ in Yurio’s eyes and gives him even more of a confidence boost. EDIT: This point is covered in more detail in this lovely meta also about Yuuri’s motivation behind not retiring!
2. Yurio gets the gold, and the loss of the gold medal by such a small margin simply lights a fire on Yuuri’s ass. XD 0.10 point is such a cursed amount, it’s so small that Yuuri can’t hate on himself for not performing well enough, but still it made him lose the gold. Though during the opening ceremony Yuuri looks more or less satisfied, the way he had been soooo close must have been vexing.
TBH Yuuri’s main problem (at least imo) still hasn’t been solved at this point. If he continues, he will have to take on the challenge of competing without Victor’s constant support. But for the first time in a long time, he’s feeling confident enough to do it, and trying to at least do his part to lessen the co-dependency thing he and Victor have going on.
I’ve seen people interpret this as Yuuri asking Victor to be his coach for one more year and I’m super confused, is it a dubbing issue? Because the sub shows it clearly that he asked Victor to continue skating, not coaching Yuuri. The Japanese sentence he says is “僕と一緒にあと一年競技生活続けてください=Please continue skating competitively (overly literal translation-‘competitive life’) together with me for one more year”.
(Look at my baby. So confident. So beautiful. T^T)
He’s literally issuing Victor a challenge here, from one skater to another. Yuuri does still plan to let go of Victor the coach, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love him, and plans to use what he learned from him to beat Victor the skater! Ironic and hilarious =D Victor is like YES GOOD I’m proud of you! Then he drops the bomb:
Yuuri is shook because this is more than he ever expected. Until now he was only confident about their personal relationship which was bound to become a least a bit strained when Victor returned to Russia, but now he’s getting everything he wants. Normally people would be worried that that’s too much for a person, but I guess Yuuri has such a high opinion of Victor that he immediately accepts that Victor can pull it off. This is one case where Yuuri’s hero-worshipping and lack of ability to see things from other people’s perspective is useful, lol. One other reason he isn’t blaming himself is that this is totally coming from Victor. Unlike last time where Victor agreed to drop his career in favor of Yuuri’s thanks to Yuuri’s poorly timed request, here Victor is taking on the extra load purely out of his own will. Competing separately would’ve definitely been better than just Yuuri retiring and Victor continuing, but the amount of time they could spend together on a personal level would’ve decreased either way ( depending on what Yuuri would’ve done after retiring/how his new coach would’ve managed his time). Victor is being selfish here, refusing to give up his pupil to another coach and not willing to end up in a long distance relationship with his boyfriend.
Victor makes it even easier for him by issuing his own challenge: I’ll work hard to keep your request but get me 5 gold medals from Worlds in return! While utterly ridiculous and halfway likely to not come true (there are so many possible unknowns-injuries,illnesses,family issues), the demand shows Yuuri the level of faith Victor has in him, and he agrees.
With that, Yuuri finally is assured that he will be able to physically stay by the side of his idol/coach/boyfriend for a long, long time, which is something they BOTH want, and that’s why he’s so calm and happy when they’re being lovey-dovey on the ice later at the exhibition. “Stay close to me”, indeed!
And with that I’m officially out of juice, phew. I’ll see if I can edit this later to make it more compact and improve the flow, I think I stated many points more than once because I tried to stay mostly chronological.
ALL HAIL VICTUURI!!!
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