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fishnapple · 23 days

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Channelled message: The moment they fall in love with you

(lover/partner/future spouse)

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost

Book a reading with me - KO-FI (Read this post : personal reading)

1. Carnelian

I have to admit that I look like a human being but sometimes I feel like an oyster. I wish I could have their shell, hiding myself behind a sturdy, protective barrier that no one can touch me. I would feel invincible in my weakness, in the darkness that my shell provided, taking a peek only now and then. You must be getting tired of this hide and seek game that I subjected you to, to be an unwilling gamer.

But even then, you excelled at that game, just like in everything you do. How did you beat the game? You ignored the rules, of course. You didn't let me hide, and what is there to be sought if there was no hiding.

You were a magician, transformed the most dire thing into the most hopeful thing. A magician with an X-ray machine, you peered into my inner most thoughts and feelings without opening my shell.

I felt scared and rage at first, who are you to dare to do that to me? I flipped out, of course, natural reaction of someone who had been in hiding for who knows how long. I got angry, I shouted, I cried, I held my breath, and I looked at you, begging you to stop seeing me, knowing me, accepting me. I must look like a clown to you back then.

But you just smiled. A triumphant smile, the smile that someone has after searching for something for so long and finally found it. I could feel you saying this to me: "I'm not an oyster and I'm not the kind to fall in love with an oyster, stop role-playing and sit with me side by side."

And that was how I turned into a proper human and learnt to love properly. Before, it felt like I was a story teller, someone looking from afar, at a safe distance, through the telescope, peered into life. I saw myself being with you, but I didn't really know the me who was being with you, how did they feel. And you reached out your hand, pulled the telescope aside, let me become the one that I had been watching all along and let me feel what they had felt.

I want to confess, sometimes I couldn't shake this dissociated feeling about everything. Sometimes, it feels like I was dangling between two worlds. But I have something new with me, a hope, a faith, that you would be there for me at that time, pull me back to you or accompany me in whatever that world I'm in.

Note: The moment your person falls in love with you would be when they feel seen by you, for all their light and darkness, the beautiful and the ugly parts of them. They're scared of this feeling, it makes them vulnerable. You unmask them, make them come out of their shell and be their real self, no more hiding. The way you do it is gentle and considerate, but the feeling they have will be devastating. They probably are someone who is more detached and isn't too involved with everything for fear of getting hurt. But after falling in love with you, even though the feeling of detachment about the world sometimes still lingers but they will also have the faith that there's someone who can see and understand them, who they can just be and come closer.

2. Aventurine

Sometimes, I feel like a bottle floating in this vast ocean of life. People around me, they seem to float right past me. If I could find a companion, then they would just stay for a fleeting moment and then ready to move on, leaving me behind to swim alone again. It never occurred to me that I might have looked at the wrong place.

Call me childish or sentimental, but whenever I looked at you, I felt like Ariel, the little mermaid, hiding behind the rocks to sneak a glance at the prince. You seemed so sure, so fine, so stable, so fixed, so opposite of me.

While I needed to hold on to something to keep me in one place and safe, you were just there, magnificent like the sun, without a care of the world. My soul was transfixed.

Many came to me with their offers, but their light paled in comparison to you, the true light. They were like the moon while you were the sun, and even though I'm a coward, I still dare to be ambitious and aim for the sun. It's like a moth to a flame.

Your smiles were and still are the warmest. They made the cold creature in me surrender and crawled out of the dark to actually stand in the light before you. Was it a kind of reverence? I dare not to use such a heavy word. And I dared not to impose my heavy feelings on you.

The moment I saw your light, I had already become speechless. I wanted to tell you many things, the good, the bad, the silly but I couldn't find the words. And that was fine, really. I found love in the silence of our existence together.

You taught me that life was not just about constantly swimming and floating but it can also be about being still and taking in all the things around us, and taking out all the things inside us. To lay them out on a table and let the other pick what they like, making a trade. You keep something of mine, and I keep something of yours.

Note: Before meeting you, falling in love with you, this person just floated through life with several superficial connections that, at the end of the day, made them feel even more lonely than before. There is a feeling of being lost in the dark, forever grasping for something. Then the moment they see you, your composure, your stillness and your stability will draw them in, probably a moment where you will display a sense of responsibility and confidence, being there for them, being their rock. They will feel a sense of finally being able to rest, to stand still and enjoy life.

Their temperament and yours are probably opposite of each other. Opposite attracts.

The moment they fall in love will also be the moment they put you on a pedestal, a fixed place for them to look up to. And at the same time, they will want to fuse with you, to possess some of your traits while you are taking in their influences. The feeling, the desire for belonging will be the spark that ignite their love for you.

3. Agate

You want me to tell you the moment that I fell in love with you? Can I be greedy and tell you many moments instead?

I don't have a love switch in me that can switch on and off suddenly. The concept of love at first sight perplexed me.

To me, loving you feels like the spread of the ink, the water that flows slowly, the trail that we keep walking on. I felt like a piece of paper with a corner touched by the tip of your pen absentmindedly. The ink just spread slowly, but everywhere, until the piece of paper turned completely into your colour. A natural progression, the inevitable.

We debated, we laughed, we played, we dreamed, we ran, we feared. All of those moments, together, made the ink soaked deeper and deeper still, forming indelible marks on me.

I had put a lot of thoughts into this subject, believe me, about why did I fall in love with you and I had no answer, to this day still don't. I'm afraid, actually, to find the answer. What if the moment I put a definition to it, the moment the answer materialise in my head, it becomes a checklist? If the things in that checklist become untrue, will I just fall out of love with you? I'm scared of my mind sometimes, it kills the magic. Yes, I believe in magic. Even if I know that the magic trick in the show is all about the sleight of hand, but in some corners of my heart, I still believe in the real magic of the act. A part of me refuses to see the logic, the reality. Let me dream a little and don't ask me to define the indefinable, that is our love. Let things stay inexplicable sometimes.

Note: This person refused to define any moment as the moment they fell in love with you. It's a gradual progress for them. Everything you guys did together is another drop of ink (their word) making the love deeper.

They couldn't tell the beginning of it, and they are afraid of thinking about it, actually. It makes them dread the possible ending.

To this person, love is a journey, stretched through the span of their life, there is no start point nor an end point. They are highly rational and in their head a lot. Notice that they used the word "think" and "head". But they are aware that a part of them, their heart, yearn for something magical, the inexplicable and they want their love to be that way, to escape the scrutiny of their head, to leave out the logic.

4. Citrine

I had a belief that life is supposed to be an endless journey. We constantly have to keep moving, never stop. Whatever we are doing, whoever we are meeting, one day, they will all go away, leaving us, alone, on our journey. And I had been living with that belief for a very long time. Until you.

Being with you made me question if it was really necessary to be always on the move, to be alone on my journey. Yes, it's necessary to be always on the move, but it's not necessary to be alone. Just like a ship, they stop, the passengers step out, new passengers step in, and the ship goes on. But the captain and the crews won't change, they are together with the ship. And I wanted you to be the captain of my ship.

Changes are good, but having someone going along with you through all of those changes is even better, or best. I moved a lot, I travelled a lot, constantly seeking, constantly reaching. It wore my soul down. Some days, I just arrived home then threw myself on the bed, exhausted, trying to sleep to save the energy for the next day. It went on and on, the motion. I had all these experiences, all these wonderful stories along my travels that I didn't know whom to share with. I didn't have someone to hold me when I felt shaken, to whisper that everything would be okay. Until you.

Maybe the path I need to travel wasn't just to some faraway places but also to you all along. For the first time, I wanted to hang on dearly to something, someone, to you and to our relationship. To have a real home, to see myself so connected to you that the thought of leaving would be immediately banished out of my mind, to imagine myself being a parent to our children. I contemplated all of these and I saw all of these in my mind, clear as day.

Note: Before being in a relationship with you, this person had been travelling alone, constantly on the move, never had concrete, long-lasting connections with anyone. Could be due to their job and environment that they had to move a lot. It made them exhausted and didn't have enough energy for anything else.

But by meeting you, being in a relationship with you, their belief has changed. They want a companion, someone whom they can commit to and build a stable life with. Even with all the travelling, they can still feel the sense of being anchored. That's when this person falls in love with you. Now they have someone whom they can offer their love, their stories to, whom they can imagine a future home life with, who can hold them close without holding them down.

5. Labradorite

I have always yearned to be a part of a romantic fairy tale since I was a kid. Keep this a secret for me, okay? I dream of the two characters meeting at the most fateful moment, going through many hardships, longing for each other, and finally, at the end of the tale, pulling each other into an eternal kiss. And guess what, I actually have that with you! Minus the ending part and eternal kiss, we don't end, and an eternal kiss will make us out of breath. But you get the gist of it.

The first time you had to go away, I thought I would be fine, it's not like you went away forever, it was just a trip. And then, with each day, I found myself growing more restless. Constantly asking in my head, "Hey, where are you now? What are you doing?" Talking with you through the phone wasn't enough, I wished we had a telepathic line constantly connected to each other. Oh wait, maybe we do, I even saw you in my dreams.

And then you came back. That moment when I saw you, I felt something bursting inside me, like a balloon kept getting bigger and bigger inside me, pressed and stretched my outside taut. It hit me like lightning, I was a tree rooted in one place and lightning just strike down. I burst open and revealed my thumping heart inside. Was I overreacting?

I wished the place that you and I met on that day were our home so that I could play the longing character and finally welcome their lover home. Your familiar face is the face I want to see whenever I open the door. Your laughter is the one I want to hear whenever I say something funny (in my mind) or ridiculous. And your embrace is the one I want to be in whenever I realise I have someone by my side.

Note: This person might develops feeling for you for a long time but won't realise it themselves. Until you have to go away someday, it won't be a true separation. Might just be a business trip or some long vacation.

Your absence will make them feel a longing for you that they can't really explain because the situation won't be dire and serious, just a normal, temporary separation.

When they finally get to see you, all those longing feelings will come bursting out, and that's when they will realise they love you. You guys will actually do many things that they fantasise about when they were a kid. It will feel like a truly magical thing for them.

6. Amethyst

Ah yes, we can always tell our children and our grandchildren how we felt in love at a party, making them jealous of our boldness. Now I'm getting ahead of myself.

What better way to celebrate than to have someone with you to share the joy with. You're always like that to me. Whatever joy I have, whatever joy you have, we've never failed to share it with each other. And I'm honoured.

My wish had finally come true. I have achieved many of my ambitions. I can confidently say that I had been working hard and I earned it.

And that's when I saw you. I can also confidently say that you looked stunning at that party. You looked happy and I could feel that somehow our happiness was on a similar wavelength.

I have to admit, the afterglow feeling of my success made me a lot more bold and optimistic than normal. If it was the past me, I would probably have swept the attraction under many layers of insecurities and nervousness. Trying to convince myself that it was just a delusion.

But here I was. I dared to look for love. I mean, I had achieved success in different areas, there's no way I couldn't be successful in love, right? Logical, you can't argue with that (of course you will)

Deep inside me, I probably had felt that love would be the biggest achievement I could get. And I was willing to set out again, to put my effort into achieving that dream, with you.

Note: This group is strangely short. This is a person that hides a lot of their thought to themselves and they find expressing what they feel through words is difficult. They are more actions oriented. Prefer to set out milestones and goals to achieve. They consider everything good in their life is their achievement.

You guys probably meet at a celebration party, maybe you won't be there to attend the party but just coincidentally in the same space, maybe a restaurant, an open space.

They will have achieved some big milestones that make them proud and more confident, they put in their effort and now they can reap the reward.

The feeling of joy will be heightened. And amidst that celebration, they will see you and fall in love, very likely a love at first sight situation. And they will believe that they can achieve happiness with you.

#pick a card #tarot #tarotblr #witchblr #channeled message #lithomancy #pick a pile #crystals #divination #tarot community #tarot reading #witch community #future spouse #astro community #astrology

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faketrex · 3 months

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We have reached the end of these cakegate bodyswap shenanigans. I hope you enjoy this final part! The whole thing will be up on my AO3 page... eventually.

Thank you kindly for reading and liking and reblogging and making me smile in the tags!

...

SHARING A SLICE... part 6

RWRB, rated T, 1000 words (this part).

(click here for part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5)

...

After brunch, they visit Tower Bridge.

“Over there is the Tower of London.”

“That’s where they locked women up when they didn't pop out babies fast enough for the king, right?”

“Exactly right. Did you know they kept an elephant there, too?”

“What?”

“They fed it bread and wine. I'm sure you’ll be shocked to learn that it died.”

“Y’know, I almost feel like I should cut you some slack. All that inbreeding obviously messed up your brains.”

Henry smiles. It probably looks great to the paparazzi.

After Tower Bridge, it's the Tate Modern, followed by St Paul's Cathedral, Hyde Park, dinner, and then Kensington Palace again for the night.

Yeah, it's a stunt, and yeah, Alex doesn't really get to look at the art or visit the sites, and yeah, he has zero say about the itinerary, but it's not terrible. Henry's not awful company.

By the end of the day, Alex is exhausted. Henry seems just as tired. On the one hand, they’ve convinced the public they're best friends and maybe reached a personal truce. On the other hand, it's twenty-four hours post-caketastrophe and they're still in the wrong fucking bodies.

“We can't stall any longer.” He's watching Henry pace back and forth in front of the windows with the ugly-ass curtains. “I have to go back tomorrow. Well, I mean, you do. You as me.”

Henry doesn't respond.

“How long do you think it’ll take one of us to get arrested for spying? My money's on less than forty-eight hours.”

“I need ice cream,” Henry announces.

“Music to my ears. Lead the way.”

They settle on opposite sides of the kitchen island and eat their ice cream in a half-peaceful, half-melancholic silence.

“Despite the uncanny aspect of it all, I have to admit this hasn't been horrible,” Henry says eventually. “They don't often let me play tourist... and I never get to fabricate pseudo-historical nonsense for a mouthy American.”

Alex nearly fumbles his cone. “Wait, you made stuff up? When?”

Henry shrugs.

“Come on. It was the elephant, wasn't it? I knew there was no way–”

“I assure you, the elephant was real.” Henry taps on his phone and spins it so Alex can see. “He even has his own Wikipedia entry.”

“Elephant of Henry III,” Alex reads, bending closer. “What the fuck.”

The smug expression on Henry's face – Alex's face – and the way he licks his ice cream makes Alex's stomach flip over strangely. His neck feels hot. There's melted ice cream dripping onto his hand.

Without breaking eye contact, Alex slides his free hand over the countertop and rests it on top of Henry's.

“Hey, don't spook, okay?”

His words have the opposite effect. Henry's eyes widen and his shoulders tense like he's getting ready to bolt, but Alex just tightens his grip.

“Maybe... close your eyes?”

“Alex–”

“Suit yourself,” Alex murmurs. As he leans in, Henry takes a deep breath, then closes his eyes. There's a nervous crease between his brows. "Okay. Here goes nothing.”

He mashes what's left of his ice cream against Henry’s face.

“What the hell, Alex?”

So much for that idea.

“Shit. I was thinking maybe the ice cream... after the cake... and I was touching your skin, so...” It doesn't make as much sense out loud as it did in Alex's head.

“You don't–” Henry sputters.

“Listen, I honestly wasn't trying to get back at you for the tour guide shit, I hoped it would fix–”

“No, no, I was wrong, I thought you–”

“What?”

“Alex, don't...” Henry laughs under his breath and reaches out to flatten a sticky palm against Alex's cheek. “Don't spook, alright?”

Before Alex can complain about the mess, Henry brings their lips together in a soft, vanilla-flavored kiss. Alex's stomach flips over again. He closes his eyes. Like this, it's easy to forget he’s kissing himself – and it’s still Henry, isn’t it? It's Henry, kissing him. Henry, kissing Alex.

The kiss is cautious, like Henry's expecting rejection; Alex leans into it anyway. Henry's hand smears ice cream onto his face and the edge of the counter presses into his ribcage, painful, but he wants it. It's shocking how powerful the want is when he hadn't even noticed it before.

Alex slides one hand up Henry's cheek, into his soft hair, and feels – he opens his eyes.

“Well, fuck.” Have Henry's eyes always been so blue? They hadn't seemed that blue in the mirror. They're kind of beautiful.

“Hello,” Henry says. “I'm back? You're back. Are you?”

“I guess. When did you come up with that plan?”

“I – plan?”

“You figured it out? Curse-breaking kisses or something? Wasn't that–” Alex stops. Henry hasn't pulled back from his awkward lean across the counter. From bizarre-but-true personal experience of less than sixty seconds ago, Alex knows for a fact that it's an uncomfortable position.

“If you'd like, I could pretend that it was part of a plan,” Henry offers quietly. “I've got plenty of experience pretending.”

If it's not the truth, though, Alex doesn’t want it. “Nah, no need. Don't get me wrong, it's weird if you don't want any credit for getting us back to normal again, but whatever.”

Henry's incredulous laugh makes Alex feel like kissing him again. “Covered in ice cream is normal for you?”

“Hey, chill. We're having a fucking moment.”

“A fucking moment, truly,” Henry echoes, mocking, but his smile is wide and happy.

“I'm not used to being covered in cake, trading bodies, being covered in ice cream, or kissing princes.”

“No?”

“But I've been branching out lately. Expanding my horizons, y’know.”

“I see. And now you know what to do if any one of those things happens again, I suppose?” Henry squeezes Alex's hand where they're still twined together.

“Yeah,” Alex agrees, squeezing back and leaning in. They've got more to figure out here, but right now it's his turn. Henry kissed him, so now he needs to try it for himself. Simple. “Let me show you. It's a piece of cake.”

...

#faketrex writes #fic: sharing a slice #fandom: intro to international relations #rwrb fanfic #rwrb fic #firstprince

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yuseirra · 3 months

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Anaylsis on Ai Hoshino's character and speculations of how her relationship with her ex-boyfriend actually went

With the upcoming second season of the Oshi no Ko anime, I think this is a good time for me to write how I feel about this character. The manga seems to be reaching the final arc too, so if I make any guesses, it's probably now or a never thing! I'd like to post this before I get utterly proven wrong and it gets totally useless XD and who knows? Maybe I just may get some things right.

I had a chance to talk about how I felt Ai with @aihoshiino through an ask (their analyses are so good and I'm sure they'll write tons better than what I can offer) and it led me to realize how interesting the character is. So I ended up jotting my thoughts on my own and it became quite long.

This post will touch on how I think Ai's mind worked, and how it may have affected her relationship with her ex. I've been following the recent chapters, and I read up to ch. 152. This means I'm aware of most spoilers, and that this post would be swarming with it! If you're okay with it, please read ahead!

*I originally wrote this in a different language. I'm too tired to write the whole thing over again, so I used DeepL translate! I fixed some nouns that got lost within the translations, so should make sense for the most part. Sorry for the clumsy writing in advance!

While thinking about the recent developments in the onk manga, I noticed some things while listening to the opening of the anime version, so I'll write it down. The other day, I had the opportunity to discuss the characterization and personality development of Ai with someone else, even though it may be brief. There were some things that were notable in the behavior of this character in the novel version as well. I don't know how the story will develop, but from the information I got thus far, I feel I can outline what kind of person she is to some extent.

Ai has a very strong desire for "love" because she's never been loved properly. Rejection from parents in early childhood takes a tremendous toll on a person's development of self-assurance and self-esteem. I'm not an expert so I can't make a professional statement, but I think Ai often resorts fo have an avoidant (withdrawn) attitude. She want to have deep relationships with people, but she doesn't want to reveal their intimate "real" selves to others because she's unsure if she'll be accepted. Self-hatred is a big part of why she keeps it hidden. There's a very selfless reason why Ai decides lie: she does it because everyone likes the pretty, bright, lovable version of her. Ai protects herself by pretending, but they also protect the "outside" from the "ugly" version of her. Everyone prefers Ai to be this invincible idol, and so Ai acts that way because it's the way to contribute to the group and the world around her. In the end, Ai becomes so good at performing this idolized persona to the extent where she shows signs of being broken or disheveled, the others will react "That's not Ai" and deny it. But even though she's initially happy to be loved and accepted and have a place, ultimately that's not the kind of "love" she wants. This character has a very idealized idea of what love is, and she wants that kind of love where you put yourself out there and it's accepted, but when you think about it, it's her parents who should have given her that kind of love. What she wants is the unconditional, the agape type of love, the type she never got that early in her life. In reality, she was actually always getting the love from her fans, and she was giving love in return, whatever form of love it was. It was just that she wasn't sure if it was love at all. That's the sad part about this character, she has a very strong image of what love is, and she's not sure if it's love when it comes to these whole other variety of emotions. That's why she says in her idol songs that she really wants to love her fans, even though she's already doing it… When Ai became a parent and was in the position to give unconditional love, she began to think, "Will I know what love is? (Regardless of whether or not this was to be a wise choice to do this at such a young age, there are definitely people who actually have this sort of mental state. It may not make sense if you look at this character's emotional state and judgment from what's considered as the norm, but this is the flow of her thinking. It's not a healthy state, but it's not fair to just dismiss it as thoughtless, and foolish because this character has never experienced normal love.) However, the "love" she thinks of didn't just happen when she gave birth to and raised her children… Even for her own children, she kept putting on a bright face and couldn't live unadorned… This is how acting (lying) is a form of love for her. She tried so hard all the time. She lived as much as possible to fit in with others. She thinks this is showing consideration for the other person. This is another sad point, because she doesn't realize that when she reveals herself, others will still love her for who she is.

When interpreting the character of Ai, you shouldn't interpret her as someone who is emotionally stable and loved. The MV for the song "Idol" was my first introduction to the work "onk", and the initial feeling I had when I saw it was discomfort. This was because I felt like it was exposing a very vulnerable and precarious psychology of a young child. To compare it to other works, I think it's similar to the psychological state of One Piece's Tot Musica or Fleeting Lullaby, but even more extreme in a way because there's not even a metaphor to cover it up. It's a very honest song, and so I was like, "Is it okay to lay it all out there?" and at the same time, I was like, "This is going to be popular, but do people like stuff like this these days?" because it's about something that pretends to be okay, but it's really not. It's a song about struggles, about trying and trying. This discomfort dies out a bit when you "get used to it", so now I just enjoy the song like the crowd in the song going "Whoa! Whoa!" but the song is too "easy", it's… It's really, really easy to understand, because the lyrics are what it is. You don't even have to scrutinize it to recognize what it says. It's painfully honest.

But when I read the comic, I realized that was the entire point. Ai wanted to be honest, to reveal all of his intimate details, to be accepted, to understand others, to obtain what she thought was a "genuine relationship," and that's why he wrote this song. That's the core of the character. If the core of Aqua's character, which we talked about before (I wrote a different analysis on Aqua once too), is his inability to forgive himself, then the core of Ai's character's motivation is her desire to realize what she thinks is an "ideal form of love."

The problem is that this "lie" as a form of love comes in direct conflict with Ai's idealized notion of "love." After all, in Ai's mind, "true love" should be free of lies. Even when Ai has proposed the idea of lies being a form of love, she didn't even fully believe it herself. Because she kept wearing the mask of an "invincible idol" as an extension of her work, even in her daily life, she wasn't sure whether the love she was giving and receiving was really "love" or not. I think Ai is a character who thinks a lot about these things. This aligns with how celebrities are in real life, too. I realize that there must be many people who think differently from the image they are to be shown in the media.

I think this is what led to the breakup of her relationship with her ex-boyfriend, and I think she was trying to confess all of these feelings in the documentary, and I think it was meant to be a shock to the said character. It's probably going to be something that would hurt her ex-boyfriend in some way. I think this would only work if the boyfriend really loved her. I think she would have had good feelings towards her, love or not on her end as well. It just never came across. Ai's so used to pretending she's okay. She's the type of person who's very secretive and evasive when it comes to deepening a relationship. I think she avoided Kamiki because she thought it would be better for the both of them if she stayed away. On the other hand I think Kamiki would've been very dependent on her, and since this was a relationship he's had when he was very vulnerable and had been through some serious mess, Ai must've been kind of like a lifeline to him. He may have clung to her because she doesn't show her heart very often. Kamiki is an anxious attachment type, but Ai is an avoidant type, and I think that backfired in a very bad way. I don't think Kamiki was able to convince Ai to stay when the breakup happened… I don't know, maybe he was near the hospital when she gave birth because he really wanted to see his kids from a distance, this seems more likely given the how the storyline is going so far.

When Ai says, "I don't know," when Kamiki asks her, "Does Ai love me?" desperate for affection, she's trying to be honest in her own way. She can't simply say "no," to that but she really doesn't know if her feelings for him's really love. She can't lie to herself, so she wants to be honest. (Kamiki would've been so heartbroken, but when you look at the character of Ai, it's surprising to see a relationship without pretense. She wanted to be perfect in every moment, but she wasn't doing that with him.) I believe that Ai may have came to a conclusion that she's never loved anyone, whether towards her fans or to Kamiki, but she wants to "love properly" now. (Now that I think of it, Kana is the polar opposite of Ai. She's very honest and just plain states that she doesn't like her fans that much. It took Ai a really long time to say it, and if Ai was all wrapped up, Kana just went out and blurted it lol… I think that's what makes her so charming.) The song "Idol" was a song that summarizes the whole character of Ai, and I think she wanted to tell everyone that she loved(s) them, just like she could tell her children at the very end of the song.

She didn't want to get back together with her ex because she wanted to continue being an idol. She couldn't have a public relationship. But I think she wanted to show her kids to him because she gained a little bit of courage while raising them. That she could show her real self. When you look at a Ai, you can infer she has a lot welled up. They had always hidden themselves, and now they have "secrets" that are not just their own, living, that grow with time. She's always had vicious circle that led to self-hatred from all the lies she'd been creating, which led to anger and stress…and it was this close to being let out through the movie. Maybe that's why Aqua believes making movies is for her. It's to fulfill her desire to be freed from the lies.

When it comes to whether she loved Kamiki as much as the children or as much as Kamiki craved from her, it's hard to say for now. However, I've always noticed how Ai, who is very careful and cautious when it came to keeping her image, was willing gave her address and tried to show her children to him. That means she thought him as someone who she could trust. I thought that the ex must have liked Ai because they had a positive effect on her after their meeting. Considering their age, it is likely a case of two children who were unprotected and emotionally vulnerable and became close by relying on each other. I'm sure there were to be some type of bond at least.

It's all a matter of speculation, but Ai's method of "caring" usually boils down in ways that the other person has no idea about how Ai herself feels and her circumstances. I think that's what happened in her relationship with her boyfriend. She's like the rabbit doll in the beginning of Mephisto, with her colleagues in IDOL going "You're great! You're never sad or angry!". Everyone around her ends up adoring and blaming her like an object to project upon, without having to think about how Ai feels inside. I think the 15 year-lie would have acted as a confession of that situation, with the message being:

Isn't it possible that she cut him off unilaterally to "protect him from herself," and then when there were signs that things were stabilizing over time, through the children, the president, and the fans, she took the time to call him back when she could, for it to have ended up like this? It's possible that Ai seemed to be so unmoved that her potential feelings didn't resonate with the other party, who felt betrayed at the time because she seemed so cold and distant. Ai doesn't like herself, and may have decided it's better for her to leave. She may have thought that Kamiki's obsession with her was bad for himself, or with him being so driven to the point where he thought that she was all he had. At that point Ai didn't believe she knew love, so she thought he'd be disappointed later. This is only a speculation but Kamiki could've wanted to take responsibility for the children if he knew, but it was Ai who thought it'd better for her to carry all everything and go her separate ways, because if she kept her mouth shut and kept it a secret, it wouldn't hurt him… and it's a child she wanted to have (and if this were to be the case, Kamiki's own wishes probably were never taken into consideration at all). Surprisingly, Kamiki may have feelings of affection for the children he had with Ai. He's never come to met them, but that could be because Ai told him not to. He complimented how Ruby grew up to be so beautiful resembling both him and Ai, that'd mean he must still like her, right? He has a love-hate relationship with Ai, but he's never harmed or came into close contact with either of his children until they were grown up. Could it be that Ai told him to stay away from her when they had the breakup?(And then she calls him up years later and asks if he wants to see the kids, unintentionally driving him insane)

"I've been lying about loving you all this time, and I don't want to do that anymore. Now I'm really going to tell you what's on my mind, and we're going to start over. We're going to build a relationship from the ground."Something like this? Something like this would be best.

If it's something like this, it'll be a blow to Kamiki. It'll be the same as Ryosuke, because he'll realize that he's the one who stabbed the hand that held out to love him and killed it, and he'll never be able to have that love again. It'll be revenge to realize that.

I can be wrong, but… But I still think there was something Ai would've wanted to convey to kamiki through that movie.

Ryosuke is a scumbag, and if Ai's meant what she said to them, I think it would be more of a statement towards all the fans who loved him than it was about him. Kamiki, if he really did instigate Ai's death, also needs to be punished for his respective crimes. Ai contributed to a part of his misery maybe, but… she's never actively harmed anyone. She may have hurt people's feelings, but she never did anything to deserve to die like this, and I don't think it should have happened, no matter what. It's a stalking and killing crime. I think Ai's life was very lonely, but I think she kept reaching out and trying within her limits. I hope all children grow up to be loved. The idea of love took over "Ai's" life, and I think she lived up to her name.

Beyond this are some more speculation, though it's likely to be more off than the stuff above.

For now, that's how I feel about this character.

I don't think Kamiki would have taken it that way, though. it was twisted, in more ways than one.

+ I think the Ai's feelings for Kamiki were… I think she's liked Kamiki quite a bit. Whether it was love is ambiguous. I don't think she would have been able to say for sure that she loved anyone at that point. This character hasn't been taught what love is, so her ideas of theoretical love, and the barriers to it are pretty high. Ai would've been confused going "Oh, is this what love is?" even if it's a level of emotion that most would consider to be love. What they had between them seems like something that could have been love, but never really came to a conclusion. In fact, the contradiction of Ai's character is that she wants to love, but blocks deep feelings for fear of being hurt. I think it would have been difficult for her to love him like she did for her own children, with whom she has an unconditional connection through blood…it would have been impossible for her at that time.

This is completely speculative, but I wonder if when she found out she was pregnant, she hid it, called it quits, and disappeared, because she felt like it would be a burden for him to know, and she thought she could handle it all on her own. She didn't ask for any help, and she didn't ask for anything when she agreed to keep the baby. Kamiki somehow found out and came to the birth and sees it from afar. Ryosuke runs away because he killed someone, but this character didn't do anything harmful to Ai that day. On the contrary, Kamiki may have been subconsciously been influenced by the person who exploited him. He may not have hated the children Ai had with him as much because he saw them as his connection to her. Perhaps after having seen her loving her children he had with her, raising them well, he had hopes that maybe she could get back together with him someday, and maybe she even cared about him a little bit. After he got that call from her, however, he realized that she needed the children but not him, and he despaired that there was no place for him in his life to begin with. Kamiki may not have any hard feelings toward his children. Rather, there might be some kind of inner affection he holds towards them proving as evidence that there was still a relationship between him and Ai; and that's why he sponsored the movie?

As for Ai, It would have been hard for Ai to truly love the children of a man she didn't even like, but there are no signs of that with her, either.. I don't think she broke up with him because she didn't like him. If you look at the phone scene, you get the impression that Ai broke up with him in a pretty casual way, there was a level of willingness to talk to him again and keep in touch and build a relationship from the beginning. This is a big deal coming from Ai because she has little to no friends and only a limited number of people with whom she's had a deep relationship. She's still wanted to form some kind of relationship with her ex-boyfriend, and here we can infer that Kamiki is a pretty important relationship for her. From her point of view, there was room for the future in that relationship. I think she was thinking about starting over with a more authentic relationship with her fans and with her ex-boyfriend. As she grew to love her children, she was subconsciously preparing herself to do so.

By the way, is it really true that Kamiki has been committing murders all this time? I think it could be a huge detriment to the manga's completeness and immersion to reveal the real culprit was someone entirely different at the very end, but we've never seen this character directly do anything, so I think it would be a good idea for the author to bring a twist the plot. It could be just that he feels responsible or guilty because he couldn't stop what's happened… He might actually be someone like Aqua who feels intense guilt for something he wasn't responsible for (I say this is like a 5% chance). Ryosuke is a stalker, so it's possible that he stalked Ai for four years and found out her address on his own. In the case of the actor, it's also possible that Kamiki's warned her to be careful beforehand, but she died anyway, so he's self-loathing saying it's all because of him. If you look closely, he seems to be blaming himself, so he keeps repeating the phrase "because of me." Did he actually kill her? This could be a narrative trick. You see how he's had a terrible past. Himekawa and Uehara may not have been the only ones that died around him, maybe he's cursed? Maybe there's a god that makes people with great talent in the arts unhappy… Anyone would have been suspicious if people around Kamiki kept dying in the first place, but Akane, who did the background check on Kamiki, didn't suspect anything like that, did she? It's never revealed in the story if he killed people, and if so, how many. People just come to infer "oh, he's a psychopathic killer" but just how much of it's right? We'll get to see that soon, I guess.

++Lying is also a keyword that's constantly stressed.

Like I said, I don't think it's very likely… Now that I think about it, the bouquet is a possible connection to Ryosuke. However, he may be less guilty than we thought. If it's true that he's killed other celebrities, the most intuitive reason I can think of is that he didn't want anyone to shine more than Ai's ever did. But what good does that do? What exactly does it mean to this character to feel the weight of his life? :/ Is it actually a positive thing for him, does he want to have a heavy life, does he want to do anything with it? This is something I can't say until the author explains it, because I don't have any information. There is also the matter of God in this story, but I don't know that'd get tied it into the the plot even though the manga is nearing the end. Ai and Kamiki are supposed to be characters who are connected to the gods, probably but I can't make any guesses. I was more confident about the psychological analyses than my plot predictions.

Isn't "15-year old lie two things? Ai lied to her fans that she loved them, and she lied to her boyfriend that she couldn't love him even though she had feelings for him. She told two lies about love, and now she's spilling the beans and saying, as she said before, that she wants to try to love again with her true heart.

The song "Idol" is what summarizes the whole storyline. If there is a lie that can be maintained for 15 years, I think it would be this.

In that case, assuming that the boyfriend loved the child, it would definitely be revenge from Aqua's point of view and give Ai what she's wanted… After all, Ai's narrative is a journey of a child trying to be true.

#oshi no ko #ai hoshino #hikaru kamiki #spoilers #I'll just post this before new chapters drop #how ai's felt holds a huge importance of this story's narrative from how I see it #and I think she's really well written in terms of how real she is #I wouldn't say it's a healthy personality but it's what she's had and I don't think it was her fault that she was like that #she's tried very hard. if there's someone like her.. I think they deserve a hug and some genuine showers of love #idk how this story will end up but the characters are written pretty well. I think that's this writer's strengths #oshi no theories

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fandxmslxt69 · 1 year

Text

Loki (TV) - Speak Now(TV): Enchanted

Loki Laufeyson x f!asgardian!reader

Warnings: some swearing, few thoughts of insecurity, but that';s it. Bad writing lmao. horrible plot too. lazy makeouts too.

Synopsis: You escape to the royal gardens after a shitty start to the ball, but running into an enchanting stranger turns your night for the better. Based on Enchanted by Taylor Swift. Part of a series In The Works.

A/N: Wow this is so bad lmaooo I'll fix it another time but I'm posting it now so I can get into the schedule and be done with!! This is my little very rushed entry for @sarahscribbles Birthday Celebration I LOVE YOU SARAH and you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than this lmao i had so much more planned for this but sadly it all failed with having no wifi this entire vaca, so this is the best I can do. I do promise a part two some time though.

Tags: (I';m tagging everyone who asked to be tagged for this part AND part 2 so I have everyone in one place <3) @divine-knight-hand @the-fox-den @nyxlaufeyson @under00s616 @mischief2sarawr and ofc @sarahscribbles

Word count: 3.5k

There I was again tonight

Forcing laughter, faking smiles

Same old tired, lonely place

The night, in conclusion, was an utter failure. You had been truly excited as the weeks neared to tonight’s ball. You had hoped for an evening full of dancing and laughs, twirling around in the arms of a handsome guy and enjoying light conversation, maybe even some good food.

So far, the food was the only thing that held out.

You watched from your corner as pairs danced across the floor as music and easy chatter filled the room. Women in dresses of all colours of the rainbow, and men in nicely fitted suits and uniforms. Everyone wore masks, elegant and with elaborate designs that complemented each person’s attire. “This is a waste.” You grumbled to yourself as you tugged at your mask to adjust it in place.

“Perhaps,” One of your friend’s slid into the vacant seat beside you, face flushed from dancing. “You should go ask someone for a dance,” “What?” You snorted. “That’s an ugly look. It’ll seem like I’m desperate,”

“But you are,” She pointed out.

You rolled your eyes, picking at the plate of fruit delicacies in front of you. “It’s alright. I don’t feel like dancing anyway,” She raised an eyebrow, “Were you not talking about how excited you were to spend all night dancing just this morning?” You threw her a look, getting up without bothering to finish your plate. “I think I’ll go for a walk in the gardens,” You said as you quickly fled out of the room.

Being out of the stuffed ballroom should have made you feel better, but you couldn’t help but feel as if you were still caged.

Tonight was meant to be fun. It was meant to be an opportunity. For..for socialising, and meeting people, and making friends and, funnily you thought, perhaps meet someone for the night.

Instead, you walked further through the gardens, trying to ignore all the giggles you heard from lovesick couples as you passed them. When you got further enough from the palace, you slipped off your mask, huffing as you carefully sat down in the wide fields, surrounded by blooming flowers and trees basking in the moonlight.

You took a deep breath, trying to ease the sense of disappointment that grew like an ugly beast in your chest. Caught up in your feelings, you hadn’t realised someone snuck up on you until you heard a soft crunch from behind you. Your head whipped around immediately, assuming a danger perhaps, until your eyes fell on the man.

Good gods.

The man smiled briefly, his mask dangling from his fingers as he seemed to look you over. His hair rested in dark curls on his shoulders, and with the way the moon peeked lightly through the trees and shone on him, he looked heavenly, with a perfect jawline and flawless skin, cheekbones that looked sharp to cut, and eyes that shone with curiosity and mischief. He fit nicely into his suit, with a lean frame that filled the clothing perfectly.

He was, as mortals said, a work of art. A being artists and sculptures would surely sell their homes and families to try and capture his beauty.

I need to calm down.

But he’s gorgeous. There was no hiding it, and you were absolutely sure you stared too long because he raised an eyebrow and the corner of his lips twitched upwards.

Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy

Vanished when I saw your face

All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you

“Sorry,” You muttered quickly, turning your head back to stare holes at the vast openings of the field. This had to be a joke, but a little part of your brain couldn’t help but get excited.

Handsome young man, a moonlit gorgeous garden, at a ball.

Could it get any more romantic?

But that was stupid- the man probably found you a little pathetic, out here all alone rather than enjoying the ball. And you firmly reminded yourself that there would be no making out and naked activities in the royal gardens. And maybe your friend sent him, and if you were too eager you’d seem truly desperate and it would be oh so humiliating and you’d never be able to show your face again in public and-

“I see you’ve found my secret place,” His voice interrupted your spiral of thoughts.

“Sorry,” You said quickly again. “I wasn’t aware that people could own areas of the royal garden,” You covered your hand with your mouth in horror, refusing to look at the man behind you.

What the fuck was that?

It was quiet and then you heard him chuckle, as if amused by such a rude remark. He made his way to another part of the garden and took a seat. “You’re right, forgive me, it is open to everyone during the balls,”

You didn’t answer him, or even acknowledge him. Your cheeks were blazing red with horror. From the corner of your eye, you could see him sitting under a tree a little away from you, head ducked low as he…

Is that a book? Is he reading? At a ball?

You looked behind you to the sound of the light music and chatter coming from the palace, then back at the man by the tree. “Why aren’t you inside?”

“Why aren’t you inside?” He replied, not even looking up from his book.

“I asked first,”

He looked up slightly then, raising a perfect eyebrow. So? He challenged silently.

You rolled your eyes, turning away from him to watch the leaves dance lazily in the evening breeze. You folded and unfolded your hands in your lap. “I got bored of dancing,” Right.

He didn’t answer right away, a few beats passed as soft music and gentle wind filled the space. Then, he said slowly, as if entertained by all this, “Liar,”

Your head whirled back to stare at him. “Excuse me?” “Liar,” He said, shrugging like it’s no big deal.

“You’re calling me a liar?” “Is there anyone else here to call a liar?” You could see the small twitch of his lips, and how a little smirk forms as he watches you.

Shit. You had to fight down your own little smile. Perhaps he’s an ass, and maybe a little suspicious- but he’s got a lot more banter and brain in him than everyone else back in the ballroom.

“And why are you calling me a liar?”

“Because,” He closed his book dramatically, leaning forward and you could feel trouble radiating off of him. “No one comes to a royal ball to ‘get bored of dancing’,”

“You don’t know that,” “I absolutely do. It’s the biggest event of the year, people come specifically prepared to dance until they can’t feel their feet,” “Fine,” You huffed. “It was getting stuffy, and I was tired of all the war talk and gossip, so I came out here for fresh air,”

Again, that stupid smirk. “You’re lying,” He said in an overly annoying sing-song voice. “I’m not!” You glared at him. “You are horribly rude,”

“Yet you find it amusing,” “I absolutely don’t,” Childishly, you stuck your tongue out at him, and he laughed, throwing his head back lightly and filling the space between you with such a warm, delightful sound.

The playful conversation starts

Counter all your quick remarks

Like passing notes in secrecy

You really couldn’t stop the smile that broke across your face. “Alright then, if you suddenly know everything, why do you think I’m out here?” You asked after his laughter died down.

“Hm…” He tapped a finger to his chin. “No one wanted to dance with you,” You gasped loudly. “Are you calling me undesirable?” “No m’lady,” He had that awfully cute smile again. “You said that, I just said I think no one wants to dance with you,”

You shook your head. “You are unbelievable! You know what, you’re terrible company,” He shrugged. “Then go back inside, perhaps get a chance to dance with the prince,” He said it easily, like he could care less if you stayed or left, but you had the strange feeling that he was challenging you to stay.

You hummed, pretending to think it over. “You know what, I don’t want to go inside,” “But I thought I was terrible company?” “You are,” You smiled innocently. “But I like the gardens,” He’s too funny to pass up on.

“Or perhaps you like me,” He had that shit-eating grin, and something in your chest started tingling, secretly hoping you could get more of his smiles. “Besides, you’ll pass up the chance to catch the crown prince’s attention just to sit in some garden?” “Blond isn’t really my type,” Stop talking stop talking stop talking.

He frowned, staring at you weirdly, clearly taken aback but such a dumb statement.

“Blond…isn’t your type,” He repeated, and you simply nodded. “So…you’d give up the chance at marrying the next ruler of this realm…because he’s blond,” “Exactly,” Like it made perfect sense. “What can I say? It’s less competition for the other women. I’m being kind,”

“You’re insane,”

“You asked!”

“Yes but come on, it’s the crown prince,” He raised an eyebrow. “Would you rather marry the farmer’s son? The baker boy, perhaps?”

You rolled your eyes. “No, stupid. There’s other royalty around, obviously. But it’s not like anyone has a chance,” “Other royalty?” He got up then, gracefully making his way over with his book and mask in hand. He sat down beside you. “Do indulge me, what other royalty is there?” Holy. Shit.

It took you a second to properly process his question. Maybe you lacked romance in your life, maybe you were too isolated, or maybe you were just really desperate for some decent conversation tonight, but you felt like you were losing your everloving mind.

He was breathtaking. You thought from afar he was beautiful, but now this close? You felt the air die in your throat as you properly looked over his face, your eyes catching on every detail.

His sharp angles.

The exact green of his eyes- emerald, pretty much identical to the jewel.

And the way he looked when the light shine of the moon hit his face? And the wind gently combed through his hair? He looked heavenly.

Godly, even.

And it was enchanting to meet you

All I can say is, I was enchanted to meet you

You were definitely staring (again) and he turned to look at you, those pretty lips forming another stupid smirk. “Yes?” You looked away. “Nothing. What was the question?”

He chuckled. “What other royalty is there?” “Oh, yes,” You frowned. “Are you new around here?” “No, why?” “There’s two princes. Prince Thor, and prince Loki,” “Ah right,” He pursed his lips. “But only one is looking for a bride,” “Yes well, all princes must eventually find a partner, no?” He shrugged. “I suppose so. So, if you won’t go for the blond, you’ll go for his brother? Woo him with your snarky comments and strange conversation habits?”

You smacked his arm lightly. “You really do not know how to talk to a lady. And no one ever said I’m “going for” anyone’s brother. I don’t want to marry a prince,” “That is the biggest lie I have ever heard,” He pointed at you accusingly. “Everyone wants to marry royalty,”

“Nope,” You shook your head. “Not me,” But you could tell from the way his eyes shone with mischief and the smile on his lips that he could so easily read through you.

“So you don’t have epic fantasy daydreams about marrying a handsome prince and gaining status, riches and power and living in the palace? Absolutely none about becoming royalty of Asgard? Nothing?”

“Weeellll,” You smiled wide. “Perhaps,” “Was he blond, your prince?” “I just told you, I’m not into blonds,” He nodded, like this was absolutely serious and he was understanding it better. “Right, so you had dreams about prince Loki then,” “What?!” Your eyes widened. “I didn’t say that!” “You hinted at it,” He pointed out.

“You- I did not! You are so arrogant, thinking you know everything!” You glared at him, face flushed from his accusation. I don’t even know why I’m even having this conversation with a strange man I met less than 10 minutes ago,” You plucked a flower from nearby and started plucking off the petals one by one, watching them slowly fall onto your skirt. “You think you’re so smart and you make horrible accusations-” “Why are you getting so defensive?” He sounded amused by this.

“I’m not!” You definitely were. “You’re just getting on my nerve,” You turned to glare at him again, but he had a funny look on his face, he didn’t even look upset, or confused, or insulted. He was simply…..looking at you. “I think you need to work on your manners,” “And I think you’re beautiful,” He said suddenly as he leaned in, the words a soft whisper, a secret shared between two strangers hidden away from the world.

You felt your face heat up, and your heart started beating faster. A swarm of butterflies erupted in your stomach, and you suddenly had the urge to fall back and kick your feet in the air while giggling.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

“Oh..um, oh,” You laughed nervously, looking down shyly. But you could still feel his eyes on you, his face close enough that you can see his bottom lashes brush his cheek lightly, and the small movements of his face. “Thank...you. Thank you,” You swallowed hard. “You’re…uh, really beautiful too,” You rushed the words out. You looked up a little to see his green eyes widened a fraction, a little smile tugging at his lips, and then the faintest colour red dusting his cheeks.

“Thank you,”

You nodded dumbly and looked away again, biting your lip to keep the laugh bubbling inside of you to stay down.

“What’s so funny?” He whispered.

Fuuck. You could feel yourself panic a little. He was so close. So pretty too. How could a man be so pretty? He had to be magic, right? He’s too gorgeous to be anything less than ethereal.

“Nothing,” You paused, biting your lip harder before a smile broke across your face, and a light laugh escaped you. “Sorry, sorry nothing’s funny,” His face broke into a smile. “You know, it’s rather rude to laugh at someone and avoid eye contact. It insinuates that you’re laughing at me,” His tone was teasing.

“I’m not!” You laughed again, shaking your head. “I’m not. Laughing at you, that is,” “Then look at me,” His finger lifted your chin up, and you sucked in a breath at how close you were. A few hairs apart, his pretty eyes looking at you in a way that made your heart flutter and insides melt to goo. And that smile.

You felt your chest squeeze with a sense of familiarity. That smile…it’s familiar, like you’ve seen it before a million times but yet, you can’t place where.

“I…” You started, and his eyes fell to your lips. “I want to kiss you,” He declared suddenly, and you swore the earth danced faster.

“Kiss me then,” You replied, and just as fast, his lips fell lazily to yours.

This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go

I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

There were no good enough words that could describe how his lips felt against yours. In the back of your mind, you grabbed desperately at the languages you know, mortal and beyond, to find something to put this in words, a phrase, a string of letters, to explain the feeling of melting completely at his touch.

His soft lips moved slowly against yours, his hand moved up to cup the side of your face and pull you closer. It wasn’t a heated or lustful kiss, nor overly passionate. More of…a gentle caress, a lazy press of plush lips against yours in a pretty garden under the moonlight. He pulled away just as fast, his eyes searched your face.

You were…breathless. It was the most simple kiss and yet, it seemed to have turned your world upside down. Your mind was empty, yet at the same time it spun a million miles an hour but with no coherent things.

Just the thought of him. His lips. His kiss. His pretty eyes and perfect face and gentle hands. Your heart stuttered. You couldn’t help but think, if you went a lifetime without another kiss like that? You might go insane. You’d rather him kill you. Death would be better, more merciful than knowing you’d never experience this again.

There it was.

“Ya’aburnee,” You muttered softly, and when his eyes snapped up from staring at your lips to your eyes, you realised you said that out loud.

“What?” “Nothing,” You shook your head. “Nothing,” “Not nothing,” He moved closer, your knees now touching and you felt the renewed need to kiss him. “What did you say?” “A word,” Your eyes fell to his lips.

“Mm,” He leaned in, eyes fluttering shut and brushing his lips against yours. “What does it mean?” “Um,” You felt a hazy rush course through you, and you couldn’t form proper words. “I don’t know,” You lied quickly, chasing after his lips.

A look flashed across his face, as if he knew you were lying, before it disappeared. He pressed his lips against yours again and you sighed happily. He kissed you deeper, his tongue slipping into your mouth and suddenly, you were both all over each other.

He pulled you onto his lap, your dress bunching up at your thighs as you straddled him, your kisses growing sloppy as your tongues tangled together and your breathing got heavier and turned into heated pants. His hands tugged at your hair, and yours ran through his soft curls, making their way down over his shoulders and down his chest, searching and feeling the clearly built body underneath.

You pulled away after a few minutes, eyes searching his face. His now slightly bruised, and the flush of his cheeks and the wildness of his eyes. He smiled softly and your heart did another flip. He opened his mouth to say something before snapping it shut, a frown forming on his face as his eyes wandered to stare behind you.

You shifted around to turn. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” His hands fell to your hips. “Just…do you hear that?”

You frowned then too, straining your ears to listen.

“No…? What are we-...oh.” You heard the soft ticking of the palace clock, and the soft slow instrumental signalling the last dance of the night. “Oh. I guess we lost track of the hour,” He hummed. “Yes, it does seem so,” He paused, as if thinking something over before smiling. “Dance with me,”

Your eyes widened. “What?” “Dance with me,” He repeated again. “You didn’t get a dance tonight, did you? Well, let’s fix it.” “But we’re all the way out here,” You stated dumbly.

He raised a perfect eyebrow. “And?” “I-...well…I mean-...” He stared at you intensely, his emerald eyes searching your face. You sighed, shaking your head. “Okay,” You finally gave in, because with the way he looked at you there was no way you could’ve said no anyway.

You got up off of him, dusting off your dress and patting back into place. When he got up and you caught his face in the light of the moon, your heart soared at the smudges of lipstick on his lips and on the corners, you couldn’t help but give a satisfied smile. His hair fell in messy curls now and he needed a minute to adjust his suit.

You softly patted down your hair, trying to fix the hair do and your appearance despite the lack of mirrors.

He took a step towards you, holding out his hand. You took it and he pulled you flush against him and you had to strain your neck full up to meet his eyes. He grinned that same wicked smile and placed a hand on your waist as he carefully began dancing through the music with you.

It was a magical experience, to be in this gorgeous garden and have the chance to dance away under the stars with a beautiful stranger. It felt straight out of a fairy tale.

All too soon, the music faded and you could hear the faint sounds of clapping and cheers from the party guests. You looked around, then back up at your pretty stranger with a small smile. “That was fun,” You whispered, as if scared that too loud of a noise would shatter this delicate moment.

“Mm, very much,” He smiled back softly, his other hand dropping to rest on your hips. He leaned down, his lips ghosting over yours and you felt that lazy hazy cloud over you again. “We should get back,” He mumbled between kisses.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer and pressing your lips to his. His smell was intoxicating, and the feel of him so close made you dizzy. “We should,” You muttered, before kissing him again. He fumbled with the fabric of your dress, but before he could even think of getting further you pulled away quickly, straining your ears to hear the far away noise of horses and loud chatter.

Right. End of party. Oh god.

You looked back at him, a mournful ache coursing through you. “I have to get back,” He frowned. “What? Why? Stay here,” He pulled you closer but you only shook your head. “I can’t! I came with my family, they’ll be looking for me soon,” You reluctantly detached yourself from him and quickly worked to fix yourself up. He looked like he was about to argue, but he simply nodded. “Very well. I’ll…walk you back?” You grinned and nodded back. “Thank you,” You quickly grabbed your discarded purse and mask before linking your arm to his as he began to lead the way back, his mask swaying back and forth in his free hand. You snuck a few glances at him as you neared the palace, and you swore in the light of the surrounding palace area he seemed to almost…stiffen, and something slipped over his face. He looked so damn familiar, you cursed yourself for not being able to piece it together properly. You still felt dizzy from the eventful evening, and who could blame you?

When you made it to the carriages and turned to face him, smiling a little nervously. “Bye I guess,” A small smile ghosted over his lips as he let go of your arm, his hands now resting behind his back as he stood in all his beautiful glory. You basked in his beauty for a few seconds more, before something in your mind clicked.

There’s no fucking way. Your eyes widened, but you tried to keep your mind from spinning out of control. The way he stood now, the expression on his face- empty- but with eyes as wild as a storm, no wonder you thought he looked familiar. He held himself like royalty, he was regal and elegant and majestic in a way no other person could ever be.

He was, in every sense, magical.

You felt…enchanted by his presence, and you were sure you were staring.

You swallowed hard, mentally calming yourself down from the fact that you’ll probably never experience this again.

“Thank you for the dance, your highness,” You said as quickly and politely as possible. You caught sight of the way his eyes widened and his expression went from emotionless to absolute shock. You turned around and practically ran for your life towards your carriage, already spotting your friends waiting by.

As you got into the carriage, greeting your friends and ignoring their very obvious questions, you felt a pang of sadness hit through you at the thought of the night ending, but then a bit of joy, because you just got to dance with the prince, and nothing would get more magical or enchanting than that.

I’ll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

#loki laufeyson #loki x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #loki fluff #Loki (TV)#Loki (Taylor's Version)#<- YES thats the name of the series now idc??? STAY TUNED FOR MOREE <3

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beskindtoyourself · 8 months

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i feel like im never gonna kill dermatillomania. im trying so hard but i lose hours to it, nights awake in the mirror-- i walk in to use the bathroom at at my worst have walked out eight hours later, four most recently. i feel like an ugly monster and so inhuman it makes me suicidal. why cant i stop?!!!!

First of all, I'm sending you all the love!! There is unfortunately no easy fix to the question of how to stop -- otherwise all of us would've done so a long time ago. So I can't give you a simple answer to your question, but I can tell you what helped me and give you some pointers on where to start in the hopes that any of it will make the difference for you too! 💗

Will make a cut after this, simply because the post would get pretty long.

There is two major things which made all the difference to me when trying to stop picking.

1. Identify your triggers

You've probably heard this before, but it really is so important. Becoming aware of ,and then eliminating your triggers can help you to not even let it get to the point where you *could* start picking, and that's the best way to break any habit.

You mentioned the mirror and being stuck in the bathroom - I mentioned in this previous post about showering that this is a danger zone for me too. Mirrors, especially if you pick at your face or chest/shoulder region can be the only way for you to see your own skin, so naturally it suddenly makes you aware of all your "problem zones". Mirrors in combination with often harsh lighting (yes hotel rooms, I'm looking at you in particular) can bring out details in your skin you otherwise wouldn't even be able to see - for good reason, because we actually don't need to see that!

So knowing the bathroom and mirrors is a place where you get stuck and slip into picking mode, my first advice would be to avoid this place as good as possible. Now obviously we all have to go to the bathroom at some point :) so we can't just avoid that room forever, but there *are* some ways to make it less triggering.

- Covering up mirrors has helped a lot of people I know (you can wrap a scarf or towel around it or even tape paper over it). If you can't see, you can't pick!

- Reduce the light if possible. When I'm tired and overwhelmed before going to bed, I only carry a little nightlight with me to go to the bathroom, so I don't have to turn on the headlights and can't see any details on my skin. Bonus points if the light is a different colour!!

- If you only need the sink and not the toilet, use another sink! Brush your teeth in your kitchen sink. Wash your hands in the kitchen sink. Clean your face in the kitchen sink (or any other skins you have outside of your bathroom that don't have a mirror, you get the idea)

- See here again for tips on showering

Other tips regarding triggers:

- Keep a log on when, where, for how long and why you pick your skin to become aware of your triggers. It makes you more aware of your own habits which is the first step to break them!

- See here for ideas on what to do with your hands if you often pick just because your fingers start to "get bored"

2. Identify the role of shame

Now this is a topic which has made a huge difference for me. The role of shame can have a huge impact on blocking your journey to stop and it really changed the relationship I have to my own bfrbs and my body to realise this:

If you pick your skin and you feel ashamed of it, it will most likely lead you to pick again to deal with that shame and so on, until you land in a vicious cycle of shame > picking > shame > picking.

The issue is here that you can't shame yourself into stopping or into loving yourself - that's something that can only be accomplished by applying compassion and love.

Now this one requires more time and patience and mental space to deal with than simply identifying your triggers which is why I'd recommend doing the latter first, but I wanted to mention it because it made such a difference for me, so it might do the same for someone else.

Finally here are some resources I have for you:

@/thankyourluckyscars on Instagram makes great and informative posts about skin picking and how to stop (also about shame)

@/pickingmefoundation has great resources as well, for example, a skin-picking log to help you track your triggers!

"Skin Picking - The freedom to finally stop" by Annette Pasternak is a great book I've gone back to for tips many times.

I hope any of this long post was helpful to you! Sending you once again all the love and strength for your journey and I hope you know you're not alone in it! 💗

#ask #anon #tw suicide #text post #gentle reminders #tips #resources #bfrb #bfrb awareness #skin picking #actually adhd #actually autistic #dermatillomania

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unohanabbygirl · 1 year

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I was going to post something a little bit longer but it got deleted when my computer shut down so ill just keep it short . What if there is a scene kind of like in "The Butterfly Effect," where Aemond and Luke are having this conversation in a diner and Aemond finally got Luke to meet with him but not only that it has been a good minute that they have seen each other because well Luke ran away and he got tired of all the family drama and quite simply he has too much trauma that he is dealing with his own sh-. This is the first time Aemond has seen Luke in a while and Luke appears worse than when he had last seen him, he looks pale, gaunt, heavy bags, scars now on his face, old scabs on his arms and hands, signs of drug use and other self destructive qualities. He looks tired and really doesn't care in the slightest what Aemond has to say about the past life or his apologies. Because he is over it. All the while Aemond is trying hard not to fall apart at seeing the love of his life in the condition and is trying to get Luke to come back again to his old self to come back to him, to remember the love he had for his family, but Luke can't feel that love anymore because people have shown nothing but hate and ugliness to him that its overpowered all the love he was given in the past life. Like the scene in the film he tells Luke with tears in his eyes "You were happy once." Luke is just listening to Aemond talk about the past and how he regrets hurting Luke and Storms End, and Luke has this sleepy drugged out look in his eyes scoffing at Aemond and saying that he is still that kid stuck in the past, and tells Aemond mockingly and nonchalantly "its okay Aemond, don't worry, you didn't break me, other men did that, so don't feel bad about it." "So what, you want me to apologize for the eye, okay I'm sorry, you want me to apologize for the pig joke? you want my forgiveness, fine you have it." "That kid you killed at Storms End, is dead, he died there and if he did come back, he's been dead a long time ago." Luke just gets up barely able to walk and walks away "I got my own sh- to deal with than something that happened 2k, 10k years ago." Scoffing at Aemond. Aemond at this point is broken beyond any repair.

Inspired entirely by your amazing story "Forget Me Not," Unohananbbygirl and "The Butterfly Effect."!

This is so beautiful yet so heartwrenching!

I love this little drabble because the possibility of Luke running away and falling further and further down the rabbit hole of drugs, stealing and sex work is a big one. All it takes is the wrong words from the right person and Luke could very much just say forget it and decide that fighting the person he’s become isn’t worth it in the end.

I think that’s one of many parts that makes FMN so tragic. This scenario you’ve written has just as much of a chance at happening as the happy ending we’re all waiting for. So many people who live in a simyreality end up like this everyday, regardless of their financial situation (though coming from a harsh background makes it all the more likely)

Luke very well could feel himself incapable of change and choose to part ways with everyone because even though Luke will always be that caring kid down to his very core, Lucerys Velaryon died above ship breakers bay with his dragon over a thousand years ago and isn’t ever going to come back. That in itself is enough to convince Luke that the family is better off without him since the person they’ve been looking for is technically no more.

Now that I’m thinking of it, this makes me wonder if the reincarnation cycle would just keep on continuing until everyone gets their shit together. Of course this current like they’re living is a second chance, but would they get a 3rd, 4th, 5th, so on and so forth if they fail to truly fix everything. Sort like a circle of hell, forced to continue on as the world changes until everyone gets their happy ending. My god anon, you have my brain working overtime and I love you for it lmao

#asks

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atrial-ofhorror-if · 2 years

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Hey, hey y'all 👐🏿👐🏿 I meant to post this on November 27th, but my mom ended up having to go to the ER, and I ended up getting swept up and forgot about posting.

So, this months post will contain two months worth of information.

Clerical Update

Sooo... my laptop broke and I was out of commission for a LOOONNGG time. But its finally fixed, so ya girl is doing a little dance 💃🏿💃🏿💃🏿.

I've been fiddling with Twine, and I think I FINALLY fixed the theme 🥴🥴 see 👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿

Of course, I have to fix the color scheme and figure out how to make the mobile UI setting box reflect the theme, but overall I feel like I'm moving in the semi-right direction? The one thing that is getting on my nerves so badly is the Theme! Like it feels so.... bland to me 😤😤!

What I wanted to do, was to have a little logo in the corner of the background for each theme. For example, Hunger Persists would have had some sort of serpent and a blood moon in the logo. I've been using HiEv's code + method of inputting images (and audio 👀👀) but for some reason it's not working??? This thing has been giving me a headache like no one's business. So, after I ran into this roadblock, I quit 😅😂.

Progress Update

Search and Destroy (Mark Route): 1%

To be Well (Alex’s Route): 39%

Intermission (TBA): 3%

I've officially reached 51k+ words 🎉🎉!!

I realized that most of the word count is stemming from the different choices that y'all can make. Alongside the different options based on personality/backgrounds.

I would say that I've gotten around 65% of the bones of Alex's route done. Once I get that done, I'll plump and fatten the rest of the route out. Mark's route will, hopefully, be easier to write since some scenes in Alex's route will be in Mark's (not the same content but similar enough so that I won't have to go too crazy with writing).

Hopefully next month, I can show you guys a lil sneak peek of the update 🤞🏿🤞🏿but we shall see.

I'm writing out the first spicy "read pentrative" sex scene between MC and Khalid, and as of now? I hate it 🥴🥴🥴 I have to keep reminding myself that it's just my first draft. It's gonna be ugly but I gotta keep going!

Next Month's Goal

Finish the Bones of Alex's route

Take a week break - I'm tired y'all, the burnout is real! 🥴🥴

Fix the Mobile UI and get those damn images to show up! Also fix the mp3 audio for the game.

I think thats it? If you guys have questions let me know! I'm still VERY slow to response so give me grace. Love y'all 🤎🤎

#twine wip #twine game #interactive fiction #if wip #twine #interactive game #a trial of horror #atoh #monthly update #progress update #update #summi rambles #horror if

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russilton · 1 year

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I need to rant for a sec, so apologies if this gets long.

I am tired of seeing George get hate every single race weekend.

If he doesn't acknowledge Lewis, he gets hate for it and isn't a good teammate, and if he does he's only doing for the PR. The agenda from some Lewis fans is downright toxic.

I am sick and tired of seeing homophobic abuse in his comments, and I'm so annoyed that the team literally does nothing to stop it. It wouldn't take much to post something and set a precedent that those type of comments will not be tolerated. I so wanted George to be a Merc driver, but now I want him far away from that team.

Eventually it starts to roll off you anon. It shouldn’t, but it does. You start to get used to seeing it, remembering he’s not looking at it and you just have to try your best not to look too.

Yeah it sucks, as a queer fan, it really, really sucks seeing my driver receive homophobic abuse every week, knowing it’s indirectly pointed at you, and that the team does nothing. If the team did something it wouldn’t fix it either, if anything it would just put a bigger target on him. So it continues.

But I’ll be honest with you, they did it to Lewis, and I got used to it with Lewis in 2020 when I started watching. None of that makes it okay, for either of them, but that’s unfortunately how it is most weeks, so I don’t look. I was making art for Lewis in 21 on a different account, and I got sent slurs, threatening DM’s, and had smug max fans declare “he’s only doing it for PR” at every turn in my mentions. Every official comment section was full of vitriol.

The point is- I’ve been here before, internet hate never goes away it just changes shapes. The numbness is how I get through, because anger just became exhausting.

George would have caught this abuse at any big team he went to. Any of them. Merc ferrari redbull mclaren aston- it would have been someone. He got it at Williams when people weren’t ignoring them. This is the shitty, ugly part of sports. One day George will be mercs main driver and people will blink and pretend it never happened at all. At least at Merc he’s living his dream with his family, even if that dream isn’t going smoothly.

You’re allowed to get mad and frustrated but if you let it wear your down too much you’re doing exactly what those shitty fans want. They want to make you so upset you leave, that’s how they win. I’m not letting anyone push me out of this sport because god so many people would want to. I’m staying, doing what I damn well want, and shouting at the top of my lungs for my guys.

#asks #anonymous #wank/rants #I know this is a nihilistic view of it all but it’s what keeps me moving #and if it’s not the comfort you’re looking for #you may have to look for it elsewhere bc this is how I keep going #out of spite and love for them

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goldeneyedgirl · 2 years

Text

Ficmas22: Day 6: Homecoming

I've just discovered that we're losing power all day tomorrow, so I'm off to make sure everything is charged and ready to go. And we're decorating the tree tonight, so this is a post-and-dash.

Tonight we have a little angsty oneshot I wrote quite a while ago and I wasn't quite happy enough with so it just sitting there.

I hope you enjoy it!

He finds them in Minnesota.

(Was he looking for them? Maybe.)

The house is a sprawling place, the forest surrounds it and they are as they ever were, unchanged.

(He cannot say the same.)

“Jasper!”

Esme is delighted to see him, and so is Emmett. Carlisle and Rosalie are pleased but subdued. Edward is watching him cautiously. There’s nothing to hear in his mind anymore, Edward doesn’t have to worry.

(He tries to remember what she smelt like; it was a million different things at once - lemons and flowers and cotton and warm blood and…)

He lets Esme hug him, high-fives Emmett but there’s nothing there. No peace or resolution or balm, just this ache of the void that exists in him now. Maybe he thought coming back here would fix things.

“We’ve missed you,” Rosalie says, reaching out to squeeze his hand and he nods. He feels tired; his head, his bones, his heart. Like he wants to lie down and wait for oblivion.

“It’s good to see you.” His voice is rough, unused, and the words sound flat. Carlisle and Esme exchange a look that he catches, and then Esme is hustling them back to the house.

(Carlisle is worried; has never seen Jasper look so brittle and haunted and young, and he is ashamed to admit he wonders how many people had to die for his estranged son’s thirst to make him look such a way.)

Back in the house, in a new living room that is close enough to all the other living rooms the Cullens have owned to be slightly disconcerting, Jasper wonders why he came back at all.

He hadn’t left on the best terms, strung-out and frustrated. Animal-hunting and school and the human charade - it was far too much to expect. It was too much, it was not enough, and he refused to stay.

So he left them behind, and he wandered. And he killed a lot of people.

The Cullens have questions, and he tries to focus. That’s a lot harder these days.

Where has he been?

(Around.)

Why is he back?

(Where else can he go?)

How is he?

(Still alive. Still walking around with his throat on fire with the weight of every horrific thing he’s ever done weighing him down.)

For a minute, he imagines what it would be life if she were here, too. Human or vampire, it wouldn’t have matter. They would have loved her. It was impossible

“What is her name?”

He looks over to Edward, sitting at the piano. Edward smiles at him, obviously misunderstanding or not hearing all the intricacies that go with the face in his mind. That she’s more than a collection of images, of memories. That she could come to the Cullens and meet them, could sit in this living room and ask them so many questions and tell them about her life with Jasper and it could have been that easy.

“Alice.”

Hearing her name hurts, the way glass sliding into human flesh does.

“We’d love to meet her,” Esme says, beaming at him.

“I would have liked that too,” he manages hoarsely and he puts his face in his hands because it’s another day, she’s still dead, and she’s never coming here. She’s never going to be mothered by Esme, and doted on by Carlisle. She’s never going to raid Rosalie’s closet, or be pranked by Emmett, or ask Edward to play music they can dance to.

“Jasper? What happened?” Carlisle’s voice is kind, gentle, and the older man already knows. Not the details, but the result.

Sometimes he wishes he’d never left them. That he’d stayed and never met her, but that idea causes a rise of panic. It is what it is, it can’t be changed.

He takes a shuddering breath and begins to talk.

The words are slow coming and rough. Ugly. Alice was human and now Alice is dead. A mugging gone wrong, and there was so much blood and it was everywhere and when he closed his hands over the wound in a panic, he heard the crunch of her ribcage and realised he’d made a bad thing so much worse.

And she was so frightened and couldn’t catch her breath and then she was gone, bled out in a dirty alley - no long lingering good-bye, or breathless words of love. The life in her eyes dimmed, her heart went still, and her blood congealed. And she was gone, never coming back. She will not be rising again on the third day, unbreakable and pristine.

She’s rotting in the ground underneath a stone that says ‘Mary-Alice Brandon’ and all the years she lived.

She was going to be a dancer.

She liked brightly coloured drinks and oranges and singing along to the radio when she did the dishes.

She always wore a necklace with a tiny ‘A’ on it, because she hated being called ‘Mary’.

She put together all his broke bits, all the pieces of him that had been worn away, and stitched him into something that he could live with. Wrapped him up in the warmth of her affection, her hope, and her passion. She’d make him dance with her, spinning and dipping her, and they’d laugh and he’d kiss her gently - it couldn’t go too far, but he loved her so completely.

(He’s never denied that he’s a monster, a parasite, a blight on humanity, and nothing confirmed that more than when he lapped her blood off his hands. It doesn’t matter that he looked back down at the hole in her chest, at the blood on his pants-shirt-face and the pool on the ground and promptly vomited up venom that was barely pink and he can still taste her on his tongue and it is a hell he has lived with every day since. That she died in his arms and his instinct was to feed on her.)

Esme pulls him into the tightest hug, and he can feel her grief for him, her regret and sadness and misery that he has lost the one thing he has ever wanted. Her emotions feel very distant, muted, to him these days. It’s not a bad thing.

(He can’t feed on human blood now. It’s impossible, because all he can see is her. All he can taste is her. There’s no appeal now; it just sickens him. So Carlisle will be happy, at least, that he has to feed on animals now. He has no other choice.)

“You have to tell us all about her, okay?” Esme says, looking devastated. “I bet she was beautiful, Jasper.”

God, she was.

He took two things from her that night. Her phone and her little ‘A’ necklace. Her phone had all her photos on it, hundreds and hundreds of them with her bright smile and her big eyes. Videos of her dancing, talking, singing. She’s so alive in those videos that it feels impossible she’s gone.

(There’s even a few pictures of them together, that she took and promised to never show anyone. She used one for her background screen, hugging him tightly around his neck, and he’s staring at her with a smile on his face and a look on his face that he’s found the only thing that will ever matter to him. It’s hard to look at now, knowing that he ended up hastening her death. Maybe she could have been saved, maybe she just needed medical attention. Maybe, maybe, maybe.)

He lets Esme fuss, he can feel her distress. Everyone else is just looking at him, waiting for something. Anything. And there isn’t that anymore. He’s just a void, a blackhole of grief and solitude and that bone-deep exhaustion.

“You’re home now,” Emmett says. He looks heartbroken, like he’s mourning a sister he never met. Rosalie hasn’t said much, probably has a lot of questions about how and why, but she’s always been good to him. She won’t ask until he’s ready to answer.

“Home,” he agrees, and it is the closest he’s ever going to get now. Because home was lying next to her on her bed, her head on the edge of her pillow, snuggled as close as she could get to him, whilst he read. Home was holding her on the couch, whilst they watched a movie after she got home at night, as she traced his hands absently. Home was every smile, every giggle, every ounce of hope and love that she emitted in his direction, and it’s all gone now. He’s never getting it back.

So he’ll stay here. With people he cares about, who will understand that what’s been broken can never be put back together. That they are unchanged, the same people who welcomed him in once, and who have welcomed him back again.

But he has changed, and there’s no going back.

#jasper hale #alice cullen #the twilight saga #twilight fic #jalice #my fic #my writing #my fic: homecoming #tragedy #angst #ficmas #ficmas22 #ficmas 2022

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txxfiles · 8 months

Text

give me all the fics where the boys kiss

Hi! It looks like I'm week 3!

I honestly have no idea idea what im doing really but i guess you'll just have to listen to me ramble about something i enjoy. Seems to fit the theme we've accidentally settled on and well! if theres one thing im good at rambling about its bl fanfiction. i read ALOT of fanfiction. like 13million words worth of it in 2023 alone (an estimate but i did the ugly math for jan and feb last year and id already read 2.7 million words so i dont think its too high an estimate).

ive read fics from too many fandoms to count and also have way more hyperfixations then any one person has a right too but the one that has owned my ass consistently for the last 4 years is The Untamed otherwise know as Mo Dao Zu Shi (MDZS).

The lovely Eucalyptus from week 2 was watching the untamed during covid (and holy shit what a wild ride that was) and the next thing I know im neck deep drowning in fan art and tiktok edits of beautiful chinese men that have no business being as talented as they are (Im looking at u Wang Yibo) This. shit. fucked. up. my. life.

then i turned to my good friend AO3 (love of my life i could not exist without you) and 4 years later ive read my tags dry. if its complete, ive read it. im getting desperate and ive started reading works in progress, yikes. its so risky i honestly cannot tell you how much anxiety it gives me. ive been burnt too many times.

HOWEVER

this does mean if you need a fic recommendation then your girl has got you covered, so i figured i would share with you my TOP SIX fic recommendations. im sorry i tried to make it 5 but i just couldnt do it.

I will be chasing a starlight by feyburner & sundiscus

Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji - 71,479 words - Complete

Omg. Wangxian Startrek AU. The pining, the miscommunication. I felt every range of emotion on this roller-coaster. I literally printed this out so that I could keep it forever. I wish I could read it for the first time all over again. This Fic hit AO3 like a comet. It even has it’s own Tumblr thread! Also comes with stunning fanart.

Paint smears on sunny days by SnowshadowAO3

Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji - 53,808 words - Complete

Modern Day AU, Musician/Single dad Lan Wangji falls in love with his son’s Art Teacher Wei Wuxian. I swear it's one of the cutest stories ever written, makes me feel all the good things. A-yuan is adorable and wangxian are hot and charming. The Ultimate wangxian comfort fic.

Rotten Work by ShanaStoryteller

Jin Rulan & Wei Wuxian - 63,907 words - Complete

Jin Ling fishes his Da-Ju out of the gutter post canon (Literally dying alone in a dirty inn, Wei Wuxian it's been 5 minutes pls) and decides if no one else is gonna keep him then he damn well will.

It is perfect.

Junior Quartet goodness, Yunmeng bro reconciliation and Jin Ling being a boss bitch little shit that has no time for anyone's bullshit. I cried as much as Jin Ling did in this story – which is alot. (Also another story ive made myself a solid copy of that i can love forever)

Joy In The Mindst of These Things by Glitterbombshell

Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji - 52,901 words - 5 Works

TEACHER WEI WUXIAN! I love this trope with my whole soul. Lots of adorable baby Lans, I would kill for them. Beautifully written. Lan Qiren gets a much needed wakeup call. Last story is incomplete but can be read without the 5th installment. SO WORTH IT, ive read it like 10 times

The One-Body Problem by mitisket

Lan Jingyi & Wei Wuxian - 28,689 words - Complete

Well shit. How many times have a reread this story? I honestly couldn't tell you. Jingyi gets possessed by Wei Wuxian’s very tired soul pre canon and it changes nothing and yet everything. Their friendship gives me life and Jingyi fixes a lot of problems for his new bestie/mentor/uncle with his big mouth. Mom I love him

The Edge of Night by Hobbsy3

Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji - 277,225 words - Complete

The best Zombie Apocalypse au on the MDZS tag honestly. There are so many good zombie film references in this one, i see you Train to Busan. Baby junior quartet, a perfect Wei Wuxian modern day depiction and so much love, angst and stress. It's delicious and I've never recovered.

All of these fics are actually part of a mother document i made last week of all my favourite fics organised by tag because apparently thats what i do with my free time. hit me up if you need a rec!

Now that ive gotten that off my chest i'll let you be lol. maybe I'll do a rec for a different fandom next time. I definitely have enough to choose from!

Lots of Love,

Iris

#blog post #fic rec #mdzs #rant post #2024 #Iris

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fyodior · 2 years

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Hewwo! Imma snag a match up if you don't mind. I am ok with my name (Quinn) being used. I'm 21 and I'm not in school however I do have a full time job. I work at an improvement store/ warehouse like job with forklifts and heavy objects. I work with power tools and outdoor stuff so I'm pretty knowledgeable in basic hardware and outdoorsy stuff. Im a rather tall gal with a bit of muscle especially in my thighs, arms and abs (I lift a lot of heavy stuff at my job.) I've got brown eyes and about shoulder length hair that's naturally brown but I have my ends bleached. I wear glasses and I have tattoos which I love showing off. My style is a mix of both boyish and girly; I can wear sweat pants, t shirts and my big ugly work boots one day and a skirt and cute heels and makeup the next. I'm very goofy and joke around all the time. Sarcasm is my language and I don't take anything seriously. I'm very sociable so i love talking to people and being around friends and such. I'm kinda a people pleaser which is both a good characteristic and a flaw. Even though I joke around and may not act serious sometimes, I treat everyone I can with respect and genuinely try to show I care for them. I'm also pretty adventurous. Its also kinda safe to say im pretty nerdy as well lol. I love to draw, write, read, and play video games. I love plants, anime, reptiles, and cats 🐈. I LOVE slasher/ scary movies, any of them are great to me. Not a whole lot I dislike tbh. Personally. I don't care if this is nsfw or sfw. I guess whatever you feel! I'm pretty ok with either. I'm not picky with any character whatsoever I love all bsd characters. Thank you if you do mine I will greatly appreciate it and cherish it forever 💗🥺

Quinn x Odasaku

✧ your perfect man is the one and only odasaku, congrats im not jealous at all

✧ you give off very laid back, go with the flow type vibes and i think you and oda would coexist so well

✧ he would SO be into your handiwork abilities and outdoorsiness, it definitely would be something the two of you could bond over

✧ a woman that can change a flat tire and fix a clogged sink? sexy as fuck.

✧ AND SHES TALL AND MUSCLY??? EVEN SEXIER

✧ even visually the two of you would fit so well

✧ he loves your sociable and goofy personality, and you often help him to come out of his shell since he tends to be a bit drawn back. he sometimes finds it a little intimidating to meet and talk to new people, but if you're there, he's laughing and joking with them like they've been friends for years

✧ he can also be pretty sarcastic and dry though, so your humors would mesh well

✧ oda would find you just as sexy in sweatpants and work boots as he would in a mini skirt or even lingerie

✧ this is potentially just me making this up but i see oda as a huge animal lover, and the two of you accidentally accumulating a small zoo over time. like it started out as just one cat and then another, and then you brought home a leopard gecko and when you asked for that bearded dragon he just couldn't say no. maybe throw some ball pythons in there too. except you'd have to be the one to feed the mice to the snakes, it would make him too sad

✧ oda is such a sweetheart and literally no matter what your hobbies or interests are, he so would entertain your every thought and listen to everything you had to say. whatever new anime or video game you wanted to rant about, he was right next to you with just the kindest, softest smile and genuine interest in his eyes.

✧ and he'd LOVE your art. like the meme drawings you post like the one of you trying to find the pool at the hotel he'd find that so fucking funny

✧ nsfw: oda just so seems the type to love body worship. sex that takes hours just because he loves every single part of you and your body and wants to take all the time in the world to kiss every inch of your skin and tell you you’re so fucking beautiful so many times the words start to lose meaning. he loves missionary with you just because he needs to see all of you laid out underneath him for him to stare at, needs to see your beautiful face contort and the way your body reacts to every thrust. and mf is really fucking good at giving head bc he wants to pull as many whines and whimpers of his name. he truly just WORSHIPS u goddamn!

✧ power couple. bc i said so

#matchups #queenquixotic #odasaku x reader #matchmaking

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ocean-park-avenue · 2 years

Text

Do I Wanna Know? - Joel Miller X Reader (TLOU)

(Originally posted on AO3)

Story summary:

Tess, your friend of a few years, makes you team up with the grumpiest and most distanced man you’ve met, Joel Miller. All to get some supplies from a camp in Dallas, Texas. But when you discover there might be more to it than just getting supplies, you agree to help.

You only hope that Joel will come around to you, or it’s gonna be a long trip.

Chapter 1: September, 2031

Word count:

2,669

Warnings:

None for this chapter.

(Note: Even though I'm not necessarily new to Tumblr, I've never actually posted a multi-chapter fanfiction. I apologize if it's formatted weirdly at all or if there are any grammatical errors.)

Waking up cold, sweaty and damp wasn’t your preferred way of starting the day. Especially since the heat of the summer carried itself into September, where it sat in it’s humid glory to shine down up its unsuspecting victims. Like you.

Luckily, since you had the sleep schedule of a depressed person, you woke up just as the sun was balancing on the horizon, waiting until the sky was tired enough to fall asleep. And since you were a night owl, what a better time to wake.

Lazily scooting out of bed, you fixed your white undershirt as you maneuvered across your very small apartment over to your so called “bathroom”. What you saw in the mirror was no surprise; dark circles that practically looked like garbage bags sat under your eyes. A few scars could be seen strewn across your dirty, greasy face. The top of your head looked like a mess. Uneven skin tones all along your face and chest. An absurd amount of bruises. And last but not least, the nasty scowl that lined your lips. Your face was a beauty to behold. It matched you perfectly.

You couldn’t bare to stare at yourself any longer, so after mumbling to yourself about how ugly you looked, you took of your clothes, climbed into your makeshift bathtub, and started scrubbing, thinking that maybe if you scrubbed hard enough, the ugliness on the inside would be cleaned away too.

After your pathetic excuse for a break down, you were able to find some decently clean clothes amongst the piles you had filing your apartment. No wonder you found it so small. Getting dressed was easier than it was yesterday, but you told yourself that everyday, so honestly, you had no idea.

You were able to find your best pair of boots among your mess, so you laced them up, and headed out the door, almost forgetting your backpack.

It was a nice night today. A cool wind fluttered against the jacket you wore. You inhaled deeply and savoured the moment. Your reality came back to you when the loud warning telling everyone that it was curfew sounded through the buildings and streets. Signing, you began your journey by staying hidden in alleyways from soldier after soldier. It was fairly easy since you’d taken this route to Tess’s for nearly a month. Your previous, and albeit easier routes, had been compromised, so you had to take this new drawn out way just so you wouldn’t get caught sneaking when you were supposed to be home.

After an easy but long journey, you were able to make it to Tess’s place within the hour, only after bribing the man who watched over the tunnel you took with a ration card.

You silently opened the apartment door Tess had left unlocked for you and snuck inside. Tess’s apartment looked like any other one in this sad, forlorn city. Nothing about it looked homey, maybe except for the old upholstered couch that sat against the wall. But it looked more homely than homey.

After a quick sweep around the apartment, you dragged your attention back to the homely couch where Tess was laying on it, sprawled out like a starfish.

Her hands were behind her head, her eyes closed, but you knew she wasn’t asleep. Even though you’d know her for a little over two years, you’d never seen the woman actually sleep.

“Tess? I’m here. Would you care to at least greet me when I walk in the door?” you said, approaching her side.

Tess smirked, but still kept her eyes closed as you tapped your foot against the couch to get her attention. Still, she remained silent and smiling.

“Hmm,” you scoffed. “Maybe I’ll just have to take a seat until she wakes up.”

Purposely, you walked to the end of the couch and slowly sat down on her legs.

“Aww, you bitch!” Tess roared. “Get you ass off of my leg!”

She slapped your arm as you stood up again, laughing at her pain.

“God, you suck.” Tess said as she rolled her eyes and sat up against the back of the couch. “You can see the cast right? Where my broken leg is?”

“Oh, is that was that is?” You smiled cheekily as you tried to hold in your giggle.

“Yes, it is. I don’t need two broken legs that you caused.” She lifted her casted leg to rest on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“I would hardly consider your leg to be my fault.”

“Says the girl who dropped a fucking vending machine on it.”

You couldn’t hold in your laugh. Tess rolled her eyes again with a smile on her face.

You sat down on the couch bedside her and propped your feet up on the coffee table. “So, when can you take it off?” you asked.

“Apparently… in a month, which is total bullshit because I’ve been doing everything that little weasel, Adam is saying. I even gave him some of my extra rations cards and all he did was give me the same pills he had stolen from me a while back! Can you believe him?!” Tess explained, all while glaring at the cast around her leg.

“Actually, I can. Adam is a greasy fella so it’s not surprising he yet again managed to dupe you into buying your own stuff back.” You chuckled to yourself and Tess punched your arm.

“So why did you want me to come here early this time?” you asked.

“Well, your not gonna like it. All I can say right now is it involves the guy I’ve been talking with and—“

“Wait, do you mean that guy who I see you with all the time but you never tell me anything about?” You questioned.

“Yes, and—“

“Why are you involving him in one of your plans? You barely know him. And why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could’ve helped you with whatever it was. You didn’t need some stranger who just came to town.” By now your breathing had gotten heavier, and your eyebrows lowered as you glared at Tess.

“Technically, he’s been here for a few months now, but that’s besides the point. I didn’t tell you because I know how you react, and your not the best when it comes to working with people you don’t know. Believe me, I have experience.”

You rolled your eyes as her comment as Tess continued. “And the guy I’m talking with, he doesn’t know anything, too. He’s in the dark about all of this. I’m got him setting up stuff and getting supplies he doesn’t even know what for.”

You crossed your arms and looked away from Tess as you said, “That doesn’t exactly make me fell better. But why keep us in the dark in the first place?”

“Eh, I’ve got some major trust issues I’ve gotta work out. But I promise, I’ll tell you everything… Just as soon as he gets here.”

“What?!” You exclaimed. “You invited him to your place? Why!”

“We’re all in the business of it, so why not get to together since I’ve figuered everything out already?”

Tess’s explanation didn’t help your nerves in the slightest. Just as you were about to argue with her more, a low knock sounded from the door.

“It’s open!” Tess said, and the man who you’d seen Tess talking to all this while, came into the apartment with a look of confusion and weariness on his face.

After locking the door back, the man turned to face you both.

“Tess,” he greeted her with a nod and then turned to you. “Who’s this?”

Tess introduced you by name. “I‘ve known her for a while so she’s helping me with my newest scheme.”

The man still stood by the door, eye brows furrowed as he looked you over. You returned the favor as you sized him up as well. The man seemed to be around middle-aged, with streaks of grey hair that could be seen throughout his short brown hair and rough bread. He wore a flannel shirt that rolled up, showing of his muscled and hairy forearms. The dark jeans he wore were scuffed and dirty, which also matched the description of his worn boots. Though what you were drawn to the most was his face. His hazel eyes bore into yours. A lifetime of hurt, hate and sadness could be seen behind them but he hid it well.

As you continued to stare at him, Tess introduced him. “That’s Joel. I already told you how he’s been helping me out but I’ll explain everything later.”

Joel still stood by the door, looking like a brooding statue as you turned back to Tess and glared at her. “I’d appreciate if you’d get on to that explanation now.”

Tess sighed and did her best to recount her history with Joel. Meeting a few months ago, apparently Joel was a smuggler who helped Tess with some goods she needed to get out of Boston. She realized they made a good team and they help each other out when they could. Tess had thought up her plan only a few weeks ago and had Joel running around doing errands for her since her leg was broken and he apparently owed her. For what, she didn’t mention.

“And that’s basically it. Any questions?” Tess asked, glancing between you and Joel, who was now leaned up against the wall near the apartment door.

You raised your brows and responded. “Uh, yes? You still haven’t explained what your plan is about and what you expect us to do.”

“Okay, okay. Ill tell you. But you have to listen to it all before making any decisions.” Tess heaved a sigh before continuing. “As you know, Boston’s not doing good on supplies right now. Everyone’s low on everything, even the soldiers. But a few weeks back, I overheard some outsiders talking about a camp of survivors out in Dallas. Apparently, they’re sitting on a whole heap of supplies they don’t even know are there. I’m talking guns, foods, medicine… you get the gist. I want those supplies and you two are gonna get them for me.”

“What?!” You and Joel both said in unison.

“It’s gonna be fine. I’ve already got everything planned out and I can fill you both in—“

You cut her off. “Tess, no. I’m sorry, but no. I can’t agree to a plan I know nothing about and for supplies that your probably just going to take for yourself and sell to the highest bidder. And Dallas? It would take at least a month to get there! And how would we even bring all of it back? It sounds impossible, even for your standards.”

“See, I knew you’d say all this and why I never tell you anything I’m doing till the last minute. You quick to judge and think nearly ever damn plan I come up with is impossible.” Tess countered.

“Because they are!” You yelled back.

“What about that job we did a while back? We ended up getting enough stock to fill this whole room!”

“You mean when we had to say trapped in that basement for days without food or clean water because you failed to mention that we were walking into a horde’s nest?”

“Well—“

“Well nothing, Tess. I have to say no. And you,” you said turning to face Joel. “How come your so quiet? Don’t you have anything to say about her ridiculous plan?”

Joel stood quietly, crossing his arms over one another as he continued to stare at you with his cold expression. He didn’t say anything.

You rolled your eyes and faced Tess again, this time lowering your voice. “Tess, I’m serious. I’m not willing to throw myself into danger for no reason. I’m not like that anymore. So please, tell me there’s another reason of why you need me. Why can’t you wait until your leg is healed if these people don’t know anything? Why not wait?”

Tess pressed a hand to your cheek and sighed again. “If I tell you the real reason I’m not sure if you like me still or hate me.” She moved her hand to your neck and brought your ear to her mouth as she whispered, “Those outsiders I overheard, said there was another group nearby, just outside of Dallas that was being lead by your father.”

You pulled away quickly, a look of shock and horror plaguing your features. “What? How do you know?”

“The way they described him sounded exactly how you had when you told me about him.”

Just then a wave of emotions and memories flooded back to you. You hadn’t seen your father in nearly seven years, not since you were 18. When you’d left after… You didn’t want to think of all the painful memories right now, not in front of Tess or that man.

Tess brought your attention back to her. “I’m just asking you to think about it, that’s all. I don’t need an answer right now. But make it soon if your gonna say yes, we don’t have that much time.”

You didn’t say anything as you stood up from the couch, grabbed your backpack, and stormed out of Tess’s apartment, ignoring the look you got from Joel as you left.

You had to be extremely careful as you headed back to your own apartment. You had difficulty concentrating when your emotions were so heightened. It’s why you’d spent all this time burying them deep inside yourself, so they’d never resurface.

You finally made it back to your apartment, slamming the door and throwing your backpack and jacket into some forgotten corner. Sitting down on your bed, you raked your hands through your hair and you tried to calm yourself.

You didn’t need to think of any of this know, you had time. But what did you think about this? While it was true that Boston was going to shit without any supplies, you could always move onto a different town if things got rough. But even so, it took you at least a few months to even find and get to Boston. How long would you have to scour around this country looking for a new place to call home, or at least keep you safe? The infected were the second most dangerous thing these days, with hunters around every corner these days.

Your thoughts drifted to your father and about what Tess had said. You still had time to give her an answer and even though you just woken up a couple hours ago, you were already feeling tired.

You sighed as you held your head in your hands. What you needed right now was to sleep this off. So, you removed your boots and pants, crawled into bed, and cried yourself to sleep, reminding you of the many times you’d done it before when you’d first left your father and we’re all alone in the only world you knew.

The next day when you walked into Tess’s apartment, there were weapons and supplies littered everywhere. On the coffee table laid out was a map of the U.S.A., and in either side, Joel and Tess pointing to different spots and making conversation no doubt about Tess’s still impossible sounding plan.

When you approached the table, both Joel and Tess looked up at you, clad in your cargo pants, best hiking boots and black jacket, your backpack swung over your shoulder, as if you were ready to face the world. Which was exactly how you felt.

Tess said your name and looked you up and down. “What made you change your mind?” She smirked up at you and you returned the same smile but ignored her question.

“If I’m agreeing to this, I’ve got to know everything, even to the last detail. I want nothing overlooked. Got it?” You declared.

Tess nodded. “Got it.”

“Then, where do we start?”

Next chapter 🡆

#joel x reader #the last of us #fanfic #tlou

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