#This is stupid I know but I really wanted to use this quote
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Tell me something awful like you are a lover stuck in the body of a racing guy - Fernando Alonso x reader
Summary: phone sex drabble with Alonso I wrote on the train.
Pop music blares through your headphones from your guilty pleasure playlist as you're scrubbing a kitchen counter. The blonde singer's words about hating it here couldn't resonate with you more. Living with strangers was bareable. Them being students and not really sticking to a cleaning schedule was to be expected. You'd committed similar sins before. But texting your landlord to fix your water pressure while the state of the kitchen (and honestly, the whole flat) was abysmal wasn't the smartest. You hated confrontation,so it was on you to bring everything up to the guy's standards. One bit of the shared space took you an hour. You were tired. Unemployed. Done. Cold. Just as you were about to follow your astrology app's suggestion of a good cry, you get a WhatsApp notification from your boyfriend, asking you to call him.
"Hey, Fernando. Everything all right?"you say as his face pops on screen.
"Yeah, I just woke up. Figured I wanted to give you a tour of Sin City, but I think you'll have to wait a bit," he trails off.
"What, not feeling like an early bird, huh? Usually, I'd be the one bugging you to stay in bed with me and cuddle more. What's new, hmm?" you ask, curious as to why he's called you out of the blue.
He just grunts and flips the camera. Your eyes take a second to process what you're seeing. And then you focus on the tent in his boxers. As if intent to kill you both on the spot, he adds, "You know, it's your fault. Had a dream about you, and apparently, even fake you has the same effect as the real thing."
You laugh, just a bit.
"Sorry, sorry, love. Just the thought of you getting a morning boner like some teenager is hilarious." Sensing that he's about to hang up and not wanting to deal with it, there's a plan forming. The good cry you were considering a few moments before was going to be turning into a good wank. "Wait. Let me help you. Please?"
Fernando pretends to consider it for a moment. You both know that phone sex is the key to not loosing one's mind during a triple header.
"Fine." He agrees. "But you gotta put on a real show on for me, beautiful. Wanna see you ride your toy like it's me.".
"It is you,". Nando's reaction to your previous dildo was to replace it as soon as possible. You were flabbergasted that he would go through with cloning his willy, as the kit said, just to stake a stupid claim on you. All your annoyance evaporated the first time you used the new toy and came so hard you questioned every other solo orgasm before. You tell your boyfriend you'd be right back as you swiftly disappear to wash the dildo. Thankfully, no one's around to see you. You prop your phone on the edge of the bed, following Nando's example. His hand is already slowly palming his cock. You're about to spread the lube on your hands, when you realize you're still fully clothed.
"Teasing or quickie?" You ask him.
"You know the quote, honey. As much as I wanna watch you touch yourself and suck it first, on a time crunch here. So, clothes off and giddy up, cowgirl." He says.
You spread the lube on the dildo, matching Fernando's pace. God, the visuals of his cock, ready for you but out of reach was driving you crazy.
"You know what to do, baby. Rub your clit like I would touch you. Don't be cutting corners just because I'm not there to guide you on it properly." He adds.
You loved his more commanding side. Before you two had sex for the first time, he wondered why you'd pick someone his age to date. It became glaring obvious during fucking you, the way you melted against his words, how you begged him to be faster, harder, rougher, to not hold back on you. You depended on him to give you just what other partners often missed to do.
You realized that you were spacing out and returned to the task at hand. Circling your clit, once, twice and thrice and already you're wet and ready. You straddle the toy, making sure Fernando gets a premium view of how the plastic cock sinks inside of you slowly.
He groans and tightens his fist, squeezing it against the base.
"Faster, honey. Show me that I taught you how to take it. Ride it for me." He commands, needing to see you fall apart and soon.
You bite your lip and find your rhythm. Usually, when you used the dildo, it was in missionary. This position was making everything so much more intense for you it was as if you were doing it with the real thing. Speeding up, you could feel the toy going deeper, making you clench against it. You let you a quiet moan of Fernando's name, a plea, and a futile action.
"You look so good like this, my love. God, when I come back, I want to taste you as you play with this. Would you like this? To feel my tongue on your clit as you're fucking yourself on my dick, huh? Sound good, no?". Nando's fantasy reminds you of how his hands will be on you soon, how you'll fall apart on his lips, how he'll make sure to have you coming in exotic destinations, away from everything you hate here. This fuels a fire in you and you're thrusting your hips, the toy slick with your wetness.
Your boyfriend's pumping matches your speed, and you can see how he's rubbing down drops of precum down his shaft.
"Tell me when you're about to cum for me, beautiful. Let's do it together." Less than a minute later you're a moaning mess, pussy clenching against the plastic replica of your lover's cock and saying that you're about to finish. Fernando encourages you to go over the edge, to finish you both off like a good girl. And that's exactly what you do. You wish you could take the shot where he angles his cock and cums all over his stomach and have it burned behind your retinas forever. You're both panting and spent and taking a few minutes before starting your actual post-orgasm rituals and clean up.
"I'll call you again in half an hour, okay? Let me know what you wanna see of Vegas, and I'll have my driver pass it. Think I have the time to even walk into some landmarks and get you whatever souvenirs what you want. Plan and let me know. I love you, sweetheart." He says. Underneath the tough exterior and the sometimes arrogant facade was a gentle, wonderful boyfriend. Maybe you didn't really hate it here. And just maybe he was a lover, stuck in the body of a racing guy.
#f1 x reader#f1 smut#f1 x you#fernando alonso x reader#f1 imagine#fernando alonso smut#fernando alonso x you
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‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 55 SPOILERS‼️
masterlist | all lessons | season 3 | lesson 54 | lesson 55.2
not they ended last lesson on the cliffhanger and barely addressed it in this one 🧍🏾
honestly that's on par for someone as closed off as raphael but FUCK i wanted some insight on how he's actually feeling. what's up with angels and not letting themselves show weakness ???
also the fact that this part of the lesson is called "back to the sorcerer's society" ??? mc's had too many death scares i can't keep doing this
gotta get all the mammon crumbs i can now that i know that the stupid date feature is 30 FUCKING DOLLARS 😐 i'm semi p2p but this shit is getting more and more ridiculous as the days drag on. like i'll just use character and and fanfiction atp
it's the way that i forgot the fact that mc's existence can literally tear apart reality at the seams. like that whole thing that happened in season 3 (4?) of og when simeon had to steal lucifer's ring and ended up becoming human bc of it
i feel like his punishment would've been way more lethal if the stakes weren't so dire. mc having lucifer's ring was the only sure fire way to ensure stability within and between the human, celestial, and demon realms without having any of them implode
this also explains why magic sickness is so concerning for mc specifically. to quote marvel, kayden is probably this universe's anchor being. if they go down, so does everything else in the timeline
me and sol got beef now bc what /lh
like yes he did what had to be done but did he HAVE to do what had to be done ????
also the fact that mc broke the measuring device after solomon had to fix it with reinforcements bc he himself broke the device before is so ??? like how fucking strong is mc ??????
this brings even more of a concern to the fact that a war breaking out between any of the realms would literally be life and death. if any of the brothers or their friends family get hurt, mc would cause irreparable damage to whoever or whatever is closest to them, whether the target caused the problem or not. like that's terrifying
this is why i love satan
he's almost more no-bullshit than lucifer is, which makes sense all things considered. in his eyes they still don't know anything about mc's power. all this is to satan is an educated guess, and when it inevitably gets disproved, then what? what if they do end up hurting someone
i doubt that'll happen since there's so little time left in this season but idk. it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility
i'm very glad that they used the very obvious answer as to why mc's powers are going haywire, bc the whole "it's just bc they're so loving and kind" thing just seemed like a cop out to me. like where are the stakes. what about the first 40 lessons of the game
ANYWAYS i'm very interested to see how this'll play out. part of me thinks diavolo and lucifer already know bc 1) they're not stupid and 2) dia is in close enough proximity to the time demon himself to know when something happened to the time stream (or as barbie himself called it, "time soup")
like look at the way barbatos reacted and the way diavolo immediately changed the subject. they both know something's going on, but whether or not diavolo knows the specifics is up in the air
satan is also the funniest mf on the planet idc argue with the wall. he really is the product of all his brothers bc this SCREAMS mammon and levi
:((( poor raph
i honestly can't even imagine what it feels like. the only angels he probably has left that he's actually close to are michael and maybe luke. even then, he probaboy sees luke as someone he can't confide in and feels like he's losing his brother(s) all over again
at least with simeon in purgatory hall, he can delude himself into thinking that simeon's still an angel. but if he's not there anymore, it's all but set in stone that he's lost what little connection he had left to simeon and, in a way, the other brothers, bc luke wasn't around or old enough to remember pre-war times
on a brighter note...michael lore. kinda. and mephisto being a kisser of multiple asses (mephisto fans i'm sorry he's so fun to dog on)
i wish he could get his head outta his ass though. like actually. just pay your boyfriend a visit ffs, he'd be beyond happy to see you
of COURSE he's not in his room and of COURSE this is how the lesson ends
watch lesson 60 end with a michael-related cliffhanger. like watch them tease his design reveal and then just cut the shit off right before he's shown
but i need the michael design asap i'm so serious. solmare count your days
#obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me spoilers#nightbringer spoilers#obey me nightbringer spoilers#obey me lucifer#obey me raphael#obey me mc#obey me mammon#obey me solomon#obey me satan#solomon obey me#mammon obey me#mc obey me#obey me barbatos#obey me diavolo#obey me mephisto#obey me mephistopheles#raphael obey me
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Lily, who spent her whole life trying to uptain a perfect girl image and therefor has every right not to be familiar with insults: See, you messed with my friends. And now I'm going to fuck you! Alecto Carrow, absolutely terrified: 😳 Mulciber, mid punching Sirius, just confuse: 🤨 Sirius, honestly wishing for a quick lobotomy right in this second: 😵💫 Marlene, smug look on her face, if they weren't mid battle she might have tell a joke: 😏 Dorcas, knows that Marlene has a smug look at her face, is staring at Marlene, praying that she won't tell a joke: 😑 Remus, concerned: It's "Fuck you up" Lils. Lily: Wait, what did I say?
#This is stupid I know but I really wanted to use this quote#I actually came up with Wolfstar Helluva boss au 2 months ago but never posted#but I don't think anyone would be interested in hearing that#incorrect marauders and co quotes#incorrect marauders quotes#marauders#lily evans#alecto carrow#bruce mulciber#sirius black#marlene mckinnon#dorcas meadowes#remus lupin#source: hazbin hotel
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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Anyway, since I’m here translating random stuff that I like, here’s “the blood is the life!” in Middle Egyptian:
Snfw pw ʿnḫ!
I decided while making this that I really like the idea of Renfield being casually familiar with a bunch of ancient/long dead languages? Like, I don’t think he’d actually be able to speak Middle Egyptian or anything like it, but I think he’d be able to recognize the hieroglyphs and maybe a few specific words or symbols or pieces of iconography. Maybe he’d use the glyphs as part of some sort of cipher, and that’s part of why Seward has a hard time understanding his diary when he steals it from him.
#Dracula#renfield#rm renfield#dracula daily#<- oof thought I’d never use that tag again#R.m. renfield#Id in alt#ancient egypt stuff#ava has thoughts#Since I’ve been reading a bunch of magical texts and stuff recently I’ll say I also really like the idea of him kinda knowing about those#But I don’t know realistic that would be considering publication dates and whatever#Also I don’t think he’d be that interested in what’s in most Ancient Egyptian magical texts#*Except* maybe the Greek Magical Papyri#Specifically I really like the idea of Renfield knowing about that one spell in the PGM that’s about—#—getting Set-Typhon to bully everyone else in the universe into doing what you want. I think he’d really like that one#Also if he knew magical texts then when Seward is doing his asshole doctor thing Renfield could cryptically quote them#And then fall silent and refuse to answer whenever Seward asked what he meant#And think smug thoughts about how his abuser is a stupid little baby twink man who doesn’t know what a Set-Typhon is#And that sounds fun for him‚ I think he should get to do that
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Cries I'm binging Scars episodes of secret life, on episode 8 right now and the way he's so distrustful of everyone and keeps saying "no-dont- no more hurting,every time someone says [I'll help you] that they hurt me" I always see those posts about how the traffic light series is giving trauma to the characters but I NEVER WATCH THE LATER EPISODES I GET IT NOW I NEED TO GO BACK AND READ ALL OF THE TRAFFIC LIGHT FICS can someone tell me what tag its under for ao3 because ts gone through like 4 name changes
#genuinely ouch im getting like actual stabs of emotional pain because like. thats LITERALLY THE MOST TROPE QUOTE YOU CAN GET BUT HES SAYING#“NO MORE HURTING” SO GENUINELY IT HURTS EVEN IF I KNOW ITS PRETEND#along with the fact like. okay maybe this was projection but i could feel how pissed he was in ep 7#after getting chased around he /wanted/ to keep being the villain and chase down everyone but he couldnt#talk talks#secret life#traffic smp#thank god tumblr knows the correct tags automatic tag filler my best friend#i really want to make art but also i feel a bit odd making art for scar just in secret life cause its such a stupid reason#the wither chase wasnt very wheelchair acceptable thats it i need to do research into different mobility aids but i think scar uses a#wheelchair because he has like the breathing tubes right and its like connected to an air canister i dont know i havent researched#but i would want to give him the correct representation cause that time in scarland or whatever he saw cleos posing of a wheelchair kid#that moment lives rent free i need more art of wheelchair and mobility aid scar just so that moment never stops living rent free#ill figure it out later
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mmmm one of those times where my brain is having feelings about the perpetual state of right in between singularity and plurality i experience in my identity. sometimes i think it would be easier if i just felt like different people more strongly cause like im very much not just One person but there is not enough separation between multiple people to have it be like. Multiple People. most of the time lately at least. it definitely has been in the past but then the Everyone Else just fucked off into brainy voidspace so ???????
#seriously there used to be like#uh#let me count off the top of my head#idk like 20 something guys in my head#but most of them hung out for like an hour and then went away#while i was still there ???#it was only a karkat “fictive” and a cool gal called tsunami who really hung around more#and only like 7 people ever “fronted” more than once#sys terms in quotes cause....yeah. what the fuck do you call it.#i dont feel like meeeee but i don't feel like someone elseeeee#when i got stoned and shroomed a few weeks ago i definitely felt like a different guy#thats the most ive gotten since like. a LONG time ago#so#idk this is really ramble ranty#and i know labels arent important blablabla#but#i want a word#frowns#ranty ramble#<- new tag for stupid bullshit in case another person decides to follow me cause yeah. you dont need to see that shit
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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................
Well, it's only half related.
We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.
I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...
I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.
Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?
Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.
November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?
There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.
I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.
...push it back down.
Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.
It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.
I don't know you.
I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?
Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.
It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.
I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.
... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.
I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.
...
I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.
I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.
Will someone just let me say that?
Will someone just fucking help for once?
#sh tw#(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#im cursed with being a bit too self aware so#i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things#(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER#BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM#back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat#[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything#so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend#so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice#i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together#(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING
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Getting notifications from the work group chat and it’s that one person you hate
#gerry mentioned how he failed this exam thing he took and she sent this stupid motivational quote#shut uuuuuup nobody likes you!!!#literally NOBODY likes her. everybody carefully says neutral things about her and then changes the subject#except me; gerry and josh who all pull faces of disgust at each other whenever she’s mentioned#but can’t talk shit on the clock in front of customers (or our manager who would light us on fire if she heard)#the most i’ve managed to get out of gerry is ‘oh god does she have to come in?’ and josh just says ‘she’s scary :(‘#i just avoid this woman like the fucking plague because she’s massively rude to me but i know she wouldn’t be able to handle it#if i was rude back. and it’s only a matter of time until i’m REALLY rude back and she cries to somebody#this bitch really thinks she wants to try me. she is wrong though#she was a little more chill last time i saw her and i think it’s because she could see me thinking ‘give me a reason’#just yell at me one more time while i have a cup of hot coffee in my hand and we’ll see how that goes.#anyway. i hate her. thanks for listening#personal
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my toxic trait is that no matter how bad you treat me I'll still want you to text me when you get home safe
#especially at night#pls let me know that you got home safe#my sister: your identities are so invalid and your beliefs are so stupid#me: thats alright ig. you're taking the night shift tonight right? let me know what time you'll be home as soon as they tell you#no really she didn't tell me what time exactly she's supposed to be home or the end of her shift and i'm dying here#i'm guessing her phone is dead cuz shes not getting my messages#random stuff on my account like usual#i'm trying not to think the wrost#my mom told me she doesn't want us (the family) worrying but that makes no sense#if she don't want us to worry she should tell the time her goddamn shift is ending#pls be home soon sister#i don't think i'll be able to sleep if she doesn't get home#she said and i quote 'it won't be to late'#well is going to be midnight in like 44 minutes
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I love you like an Alcoholic
2.1k words,, Bill x Reader
a/n — You did it, you saved the town.
warnings — NSFW, dom!reader, sub!Bill, toxic relationships, book of bill time era, orgasm denial, ambiguous superpowers, NOT PROOFREAD**
summary — Bill goes to his incredibly powerful (moreso than him) business partner, you, to try to get him out of theraprism. Things take a turn.
“I had to pull a lot of strings for this Bill,” you cross your legs and lean back in your thrown.
Bill straightens his bow-tie, “Well toots, what if I told you I can make it worth your while?”
You breathe and then get up from your chair, “I’d tell you to stop floating in my lair. It’s distracting.”
Snapping your fingers, a bar appears in your otherwise empty room. While pouring yourself a drink, you can feel Bills eye-roll from across the room.
With a tip of his hat, his more human form appears, and sits down at the bar stool next to you. “Better?”
“Could do with more abs.”
He laughs but doesn’t change his appearance, “So, y/n. We go way back, right? I’m not gonna sugar code it, you’ve always been one of my favorites to do business with, doll. Wanna know why?”
“The fact i’m always so interested in what you have to say?”
His eye practically twitched at your indifference. Your attention was never payed in full. “Ha! Don’t flatter your self, pal. No, i’ll tell you why: did you know out of everyone in the galaxy, you’re the only equal I do business with?”
Your eyebrow arches, “equal?”
“Humor me,” he doesn’t give you the chance to reply before continuing. “Now, given my current position in ‘necessary therapy’—“ he makes a point of doing obnoxious air quotes, “—I don’t have much to occupy my days. And we both know i’d be of better use to you out here, right?”
You took another sip of your wine before getting up from the bar and walking over to your throne. The bar disappears behind you, leaving cipher ass-flat on the ground.
“Oh come on—“ His open eye turns red momentarily, before he dusts himself off, “Look, it’s hard being a god, y/n, I know that much. With that responsibility, I think a business partner would do you good. And all you’d have to do is bail me out, that’s practically no downside for you at all, buddy.”
Your patience had been wearing thin, and without further consideration you let out a larger grown from your chair, “Cipher, you’re a liability. I don’t want you. I’m honestly struggling to find enjoyment in sharing a drink with you, despite our history.”
A flick of your hand lifts him off his feet and brings him over to you, “Thought you had a no floating policy, eh?” There’s no fear in his voice, but there is in his eye. He’s losing.
“I’m gonna make this clear to you. You’re gonna take your disgusting human form, and you’re gonna march your happy ass back to theraprism, and you’re gonna stay there. Want my advice? Stop being so damn pathetic.”
A portal opens to take him back and he struggles in your invisible grasp, “No, wait! Please, I’ll do anything, just wait!”
A human form was already a disadvantage, one he’d accepted in order to strike a deal, but a disadvantage still. And he hadn’t had any contact in a long time, aside from various psychiatrists telling him what’s ’wrong with him.’
So, you being someone he has history with could have contributed to his annoyingly human problem. Maybe it was the excitement, your attention or the lack there of, but something terrible happened at that moment.
“Jesus, Bill. You really have hit rock bottom,” You murmur to yourself as you pull his floating body closer to you, your fingers dance around the bulge without touching it.
“Hey, hey, watch it— Your the one that made me have this stupid fleshbag, anyways— cut that out!” He struggled in the air, finding that he just couldn’t turn back into his normal form. You’re doing, he’d assume.
To his dismay, you giggle and lean back, “Well now i’m enjoying myself. Now this I could help with, Cipher,”
“Ah, ah pass! Just get me down from here and—“ Back to prison? He’d have to swallow his pride on this one. And besides, it’s not like he wouldn’t like it… “Whatever you want, doll. I’m here all night.”
You examine him further, “Is that so?”
Before he can answer, you drop him to his knees in front of you. “Ow! Careful with the merchandise, sweetheart. I’m not in mint condition these days— ah!”
Your foot presses down lightly on the bulge in his pants, and your fingers grab onto his chin, “Been a minute since we’ve done this. Huh, Cipher?”
He nods, going to say something, before you interject, “So i’d be good if I was you, baby.”
You press down on his hard-on with more pressure, watching Ciphers face flicker, biting his lip, before letting on a whimper.
Despite not being his first encounter, so to speak, with you of this nature, it never failed to eat as his pride. And furthermore, despite this, it felt good. If Bill was anything, he was selfish. He could admit he was letting it happen for himself, instead of in spite of himself. So it can’t be that humiliating?
But in this position, there’s always shame.
“Y/n — give me a break—“ He breathed, eye twitching.
You rolled your eyes and snapped your fingers, with that, his pants were gone and his dick was exposed. That’s another thing he could do without: your unpredictability
“Next time, say please. Asshole.” You say, lifting him up with your powers once more.
“Wow, buddy. I’m not the one being the jerk here—“ It came out quick, as Bill words often did. But these ones he regretted immediately.
Your eyebrows furrowed, “Tough crowd?” He felt a sensation tugging at the base of his dick, indicating the start of mind games that wouldn’t end anytime soon.
He backtracked. Play it off. “Yeesh, you’re a tough crowd! Did I say jerk? You heard me wrong, I meant lovely— Ah, wait! Wait!”
A wave of pleasure flooded his senses abruptly, followed by a short pinch of pain, similar to what a mortal feels when they prick their finger on a piece of metal. Does that happen a lot? They’re all so clutsy, can’t be that out of the ordinary—
“Smooth talk your way out and maybe I’ll lighten the blow, yeah?” You smile cruelly, hand dangling out, flexing as if teasing what you could do to him.
“I— I know we’ve had our disagreements but I— augh!” A spike of pain, his eye rolled back a bit, “You— I’ve always admired your work— Yes! Respected you even, you’re an idol, sweetheart, ah, yes!”
With each compliment a burst of pleasure would go through him, landing at his unnatural dick, now leaking with precum. He was nearly babbling, but he was as aware of that as he was aware of the fact it was dearly encouraged.
“Very good, Billy. You’re too sweet, really.” Your voice was smooth and you bit your lip, watching him writhe with pleasure mid-air.
“A-anything for you, toots! Ah, more, more!”
He didn’t notice he said anything wrong this time until it was too late, but your face had noticeably darkened at the statement.
“That’s awful demanding for someone in your position, dontcha’ think?” You weren’t actually mad, of course you weren’t. But you loved to you with him, and you took every opportunity. One of the reasons Bill tried to avoid you when he could; you were far too similar people, dealing in cruelty for the sake of entertainment.
“Wha- No wait!” The attention to his dick ceased to exist, and he was left with only aching for attention again, despite the fact you never gave anything physical in the first place.
All mind games. “That’s- That’s not fair!”
“I’d watch who you were talking too, baby,” You flick your hand, spreading out his body parts mid air, hard leaking cock protruding out, crying for any kind of sensation.
“You know what I can do. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you,” You sigh expectantly.
Bill tried to speak to defend himself, to talk his way out, but he found his ability to gone.
“I can make you do what I want, Cipher. Can make you feel whatever I want. Extraordinary pain—“ He cries out for a split second, eye flashing with fear, “—Or overwhelming pleasure.”
This time his eye rolled back, and he moans in wonderful agony, unable to move expect for wriggling his body parts weakly. His dick twitched.
“You like that feeling?”
He nods weakly, eyes fogging up, letting a small whimper escape.
“Don’t want me to hurt you?” Another nod, “Want me to make you feel good? Think you deserve it?”
“Ah— y/n, I need…” He swallows, revising his words in his mind, “Please, I need this.”
It’s true, Bill had never reached such a low in his entire existence. And he wasn’t sure if this interaction was pushing him further down or making him feel better. Now, however, he was struggling to think.
“Aw, baby. You have taken your punishment well? Been having a rough time too..” Your tone switched to something softer, almost to a condescending note.
His pathetic appearance did him justice, he pretended this was on purpose.
Either way, a whine slipped from his throat and he shut his eyes, playing into it. You cooed in response, bringing him closer to you in order to run your hand along the side of his cheek.
A spurt of pleasure shoots through his dick once more, and now he can’t help but yearn for something more. “Touch me— I need it— Please.” He threw in, trying to help his chances, despite the struggle at forming a coherent thought other than need.
“Hm,” You consider. Finally you reach out, running a finger along the base of his cock, to the tip. “You really want me to?”
He nodded desperately, mouth falling open to let out a small whine. Swear bedded his hot, red face, and dripped down, make his multiple chins glisten. Ugh, you preferred him further away. His already greasy looking hair was now slick against his forehead, and his eyes were glazed over.
You slowly shift all of your fingers onto his shaft and then saintly drag them up and down for the first few strokes. A gutteral whimper falls from Ciphers mouth, “Oh, yes!”
“What do we say, baby?” You ask, grip tightening suddenly as if to bring him back to reality, but not too tight.
“Ah— Thank you!” He’d almost forgotten to detest you for making him say that. And he’d almost forgotten to remind himself to be mad after he was done feeling good.
He used to daydream about taking you down after these sessions. Rising to power and having you at his feet. But now he only wants to keep your attention on him. Now it’s all he can think about.
You continue to stroke his leaking cock, leaning in to kiss his cheek fat, “Good boy.”
He moaned, “Don’t do that-“
“I’m not patronizing you. I mean it, you’re acting better than usual and i’m glad. Maybe you’re more desperate, or touch-starved, but you’re doing good. I’m proud of you, sweetheart.”
“Ah—“ He would have came right there if he could. And in the most literal sense, he couldn’t. You weren’t letting him. “Please, let me come. I can’t do this, have mercy, I’ll do anything—“
“I don’t know, I’m having a good time. Why should I?” Another desperate need to release wipes over him, an uncontrollable need that was actively being controlled.
Despite himself, he teared up. His fingers rose to touch his face, which he realized, was now damp with falling tears, “No, no, no! I can’t- I’ve never- Human bodies— I need to. Please!”
You look at him and smile.
“I’ve been good,” He reminded you.
With that, you have in. Your other hand moved away to snap your fingers, a gesture that wasn’t need to carry out the action, but to show that he’d earned his reward.
“Yes! Thank you! Oh gods— Oh-“ He leaned back, finally having the orgasm that was being withheld from him. And god, it felt good.
You felt good, and he hated that.
#gravity falls x reader#bill cipher x reader#gravity falls x you#gravity falls#gravity falls imagines#dom reader#sub male character#bill cipher imagines#bill cipher smut#bill cipher#x reader
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Do you think Harry could be scary at times? Like put actual fear into people? Because I think I remember some moments where Hermione was afraid of him or was a least kinda hesitant with him. Like this quote here from HP and the Deathly Hallows:
“You never really tried!” she said hotly. “I don’t get it, Harry – do you like having this special connection or relationship or what – whatever – “
She faltered under the look he gave her as he stood up.
“Like it?” he said quietly. “Would you like it?”
“I – no – I’m sorry, Harry. I just didn’t mean – “
He literally just looked at her, stood, and she was over there stuttering and backing down.
Yes! OMG, yes! Harry can and is scary when he wants to be and I love him for it!
A few more examples that popped into my head:
“I haven’t finished with you, boy!” “Get out of the way,” said Harry quietly. “You’re going to stay here and explain how my son —” “If you don’t get out of the way I’m going to jinx you,” said Harry, raising the wand. “You can’t pull that one on me!” snarled Uncle Vernon. “I know you’re not allowed to use it outside that madhouse you call a school!” “The madhouse has chucked me out,” said Harry. “So I can do whatever I like. You’ve got three seconds. One — two —”
(OotP, 45)
Uncle Vernon reacts to him with anger, which is his fear response. But Harry is talking quietly and deliberately, he isn't shouting and Vernon shuts up and listens, not cutting Harry off with his shouts. Harry actually cuts him off speaking quietly and Vernon lets him. And Vernon lashes out, as he always does when it comes to magic — because it scares him. Harry scares him.
“Well, it’s like Hagrid said, they can look after themselves,” said Hermione impatiently, “and I suppose a teacher like Grubbly-Plank wouldn’t usually show them to us before N.E.W.T. level, but, well, they are very interesting, aren’t they? The way some people can see them and some can’t! I wish I could.” “Do you?” Harry asked her quietly. She looked horrorstruck. “Oh Harry — I’m sorry — no, of course I don’t — that was a really stupid thing to say —”
(OotP, 450)
Hermione stutters around Harry quite a bit. I think she is, like, concerned about him at all times at the back of her head a bit since it takes very little from him to rattle her. I'm not copying it here but you see it too when Harry shouts at her and Ron at the beginning of OotP, Ron argues back a bit, but Hermione gets incredibly rattled. Hermione doesn't deal with Harry's anger well. There are more scenes like the one you mentioned as well.
I'm re-reading Deathly Hallows right now and came upon this scene:
Somehow her [Hermione's] panic seemed to clear Harry’s head. “Lock the door,” he told her, “and Ron, turn out the lights.” He looked down at the paralyzed Dolohov, thinking fast as the lock clicked and Ron used the Deluminator to plunge the caf into darkness. Harry could hear the men who had jeered at Hermione earlier, yelling at another girl in the distance. “What are we going to do with them?” Ron whispered to Harry through the dark; then, even more quietly, “Kill them? They’d kill us. They had a good go just now.” Hermione shuddered and took a step backward. Harry shook his head. “We just need to wipe their memories,” said Harry. “It’s better like that, it’ll throw them off the scent. If we killed them it’d be obvious we were here.” “You’re the boss,” said Ron, sounding profoundly relieved. “But I’ve never done a Memory Charm.”
(DH, 146)
That needs to be talked about more.
Some people like to point at Remus telling Harry that "the time for Expeliarmos is over" as proof Harry isn't willing to kill, but this isn't true. Harry isn't willing to kill Stan Shunpike, whom he considers innocent, Harry was the calmest of the trio and very much considered killing the Death Eaters and chose not to for completely tactical and cold reasons, not ones of ethics or qualms about murder. And I love the dynamic this short scene portrays with the trio a lot. Like, Harry is calm under pressure and calls the shots, Ron offers a way to deal with things, and then Hermione actually executes the memory charms. And here too, when Hermione stepped back, she was scared of Harry (and Ron a little). She doesn't for a second think he wouldn't kill them if he thought it was the right thing to do. She stepped back because she was scared Harry would kill them.
“...Thank you!” said Mundungus, snatching the goblet out of Ron’s hand and stuffing it back into the case. “Well, I’ll see you all — OUCH!” Harry had pinned Mundungus against the wall of the pub by the throat. Holding him fast with one hand, he pulled out his wand. “Harry!” squealed Hermione. “You took that from Sirius’s house,” said Harry, who was almost nose to nose with Mundungus and was breathing in an unpleasant smell of old tobacco and spirits. “That had the Black family crest on it.” “I — no — what — ?” spluttered Mundungus, who was slowly turning purple. “What did you do, go back the night he died and strip the place?” snarled Harry. “I — no —” “Give it to me!”
(HBP, 245-246)
Harry lifts Mundungus and strangles him... and both Mundungus and Hermione are scared of him... because he is scary.
said Voldemort coldly, and though he could not see it, Harry pictured Bellatrix withdrawing a helpful hand. “The boy . . . Is he dead?” There was complete silence in the clearing. Nobody approached Harry, but he felt their concentrated gaze; it seemed to press him harder into the ground, and he was terrified a finger or an eyelid might twitch. “You,” said Voldemort, and there was a bang and a small shriek of pain. “Examine him. Tell me whether he is dead.” Harry did not know who had been sent to verify. He could only lie there, with his heart thumping traitorously, and wait to be examined, but at the same time noting, small comfort though it was, that Voldemort was wary of approaching him, that Voldemort suspected that all had not gone to plan. . . .
(DH, 612)
Voldemort is outright scared of Harry and isn't willing to come near him to check if he's dead...
Like, I am not a fan of the weaker, softer fanon version of Harry James Potter that I see on occasion (obviously everyone can do what they want, I just personally don't like it much when he's portrayed as small and submissive as if Harry has ever submitted in his life). He is not as tall as Ron, but he isn't short either (the same height as James, so likely around 6 feet), he is physically capable of lifting Mundungus even without magic with a single hand and he is so magically capable (more than almost every other character, bar exceptions like Dumbledore, Voldemort, and Snape). No wonder he can be scary, both physically and magically. And yes, Hermione is outright scared of Harry at times. So are other characters.
So, yeah, I strongly agree, Harry can definitely scare people if he wants to, and sometimes even when he doesn't. He seems to have an intimidation factor he isn't fully aware of and therefore doesn't notice all that much.
#harry potter#hp#harry james potter#he is my boy#who i love dearly#and who has anger issues that i rejoice whenever i see them#my boy is kind and compassionate#but he can also be terrifying#hp meta#asks#anonymous#anon asks#hollowedtheory#harry potter analysis
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Rooo *hands u a mic 🎤* what do the demon brothers camera rolls look like???
okay this was fun XD
Silly / sweet (mostly silly) hcs!!
Lucifer ↓
So many photos of Cerberus, everything from really good photos where Cerberus is behaving to blurry pics because he won’t sit still.
A few photos of his paperwork (he keeps them like backups)
Candid photos of you-
A few photos of the two of you out together, think like sweet / date night pics <3
Photos of flowers or just random things that remind him of you. Sometimes he’ll even send them to you, just to let you know he’s thinking about you even while you’re apart.
Photos and videos of his brothers, a few candids, a few blurry messes and a few more of his brothers and you together at dinner. (From Luci’s pov it’s perfect- everybody he loves enjoying a meal together.)
Mammon ↓
Pictures of you- you studying, hanging out with him, sleeping, shopping- Mammon has pictures of you doing basically everything.
Pics of himself ofc, tons of selfies too!!
Assorted memes.
Pics of stuff he’s trying to sell online.
Screenshots of price comparison for stuff he wants to buy online.
screen shots / pics of stuff he wants to buy for you!!
Random photos of his brothers; stuff like Belphie sleeping on the couch, Asmo in the middle of doing his makeup, etc- typical older sibling, slightly embarrassing photos lolol
Levi ↓
Anime memes!
Pictures of Henry 2.0 !!!
Pics of his gaming setup so he can brag about it online.
Screenshots of every time you texted him ‘I love you’ or something sweet.
Random game screen shots.
Pics of himself in cosplay!!!-
Tons of photos of him at cons! (with and without you)
Satan ↓
High quality cat photos.
More cat photos, but it’s feral / street cats running away from him so they’re super blurry.
Cat videos.
Cat memes.
Photos of books he wants to buy.
Screenshots / photos of random book quotes or spells he wants to remember.
A few candid photos of you ofc!
a photo of Lucifer asleep at his desk, and that one time Lucifer spilled coffee down his shirt- Satan always says he’s saving them for blackmail but for some reason never uses them.
Asmo ↓
Photos of himself- soooo many selfies and every-single-one of them is hot.
His nudes + your nudes
Selfies of you and him!!!
Pics of random things, flowers, drinks, anything he thinks is pretty / cute and he can get a good pic of!!
Horrible pics / blurry videos of his brothers doing stupid shit. He uses them as blackmail :)
Beel ↓
Gym pics gym pic gym pics!!!-
But really he has some pics of himself in the gym and some videos so he can check his form.
Lots of food pics-
Screenshots of various menu's.
Videos of Belphie sleep talking.
Pics of you two out together, walking around town trying street food!
Belphie ↓
Pics of Beel working out pt.2 it’s supposed to be pics of Beel and Belphie working out- but Belphie always gives up after 1 rep.
Pics of You, Beel and Belphie cuddling in the attic!
Selfies that he usually sends to you to show off his horrible bed head-
Some blurry pics of the stars / the moon.
Pics / videos of you and him cuddling!!
Screenshots of pillows that he wants to buy-
#anybody can add onto these btw!!!#kinda feel like I forgot something obvious but idk what it could be jsksjks#ro rambles#obey me!#anon!#om! headcanons#om! hcs#obey me headcanons#obey me leviathan#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#om!#obey me#obey me hcs#obey me crack#ro’s dumb stuff tag!#obmswd#om! lucifer#om! mammon#om! leviathan#om! satan#om! asmodeus#om! beelzebub#om! belphegor
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the leaked mrbeast production doc kills me because like, for better or worse, this guy clearly has his shit down to a science. he knows exactly what game he's playing and he knows how to play to win. the actual doc is structured well, communicates its ideas clearly, but also was thrown together by a youtube guy who paid no attention to visual formatting or proofreading. and yet as much as I hate to say it, stuff like this is actually great and widely applicable advice:
What you consume on social media, when you watch youtube, tv, the games you play, etc. are what I like to call your information diet. Chris Tyson (our first subscriber and the guy in the videos) is a wonderful example of an information diet being used to perfection. The dude is funny as fuck. I’ve never met anyone in my entire life that can make people laugh like he can and I never understood why he was so good at it until I lived with him for a few years. The dude watches an obscene amount of cartoons and stupid shit. His eyeballs exsist to inhail copious amounts of just goofy, dumb, and brain numbing content. And as a result he can quote almost any line from any episode of spongebob. He’s able to draw from so much stupid shit in his head as inspiration to make jokes and be quirky. As a result he is fucken hilarious. But let’s imagine a different Chris, let’s say instead of cartoons and stupid shit, his information diet was stocks and investing advice. And for 5 years that’s all he consumed. Do you think he’d be just as funny as he currently is? No. He in my opinion wouldn’t even be 20% as funny. If you’re a writer or director you really need to monitor and perfect your information diet. If your diet is not correct, you won’t have a good pulse on culture. I don’t want you to be a chris, in fact, I think that would probably do you harm. Talent needs to inhale cartoons so they can be funny, writers need to inhale inspiration. Let’s say there is a purple fruit in the middle of Australia that when eaten makes you 2 feet taller. If it truly did exist, you wouldn’t have known that until just right now. But now that you know of it, you can draw on it for inspiration for every piece of content you write going forward. That’s beautiful, it can now sit in the back of your mind waiting for that one video where it is needed. It might take 10 videos or even 100 but eventually you’ll be brainstorming a bit and think of the right one to use the fruit for. Apply this to everything on this fucken planet. You. Can’t. Get. Inspired. By. Things. You. Don’t. Know. Exist. So how do you learn more about what's out there in the world? How do you stay up to date on the latest memes? How do you know what’s going on with celebrities? What’s trending on youtube? What other creators are doing? What’s popping on tik tok? Your information diet. Consume things on a daily basis that help you write better content.
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Mha "could've been canon" quotes/scenarios
Fake Deku: *walks into the common room and over to Katsuki*
Fake Deku: "Hey Bakugou! Want to go spa-"
Half of class 1 a: *suddenly jumps the fake deku*
Fake Deku: "Wait! What are you guys doing! Get off me!"
Ochako: "Cut the bullshit, we know you're not Deku"
Fake Deku: *detransforms into some random villain*
Villain: "But how? I haven't done anything out of the ordinary!"
Todoroki: "Midoriya never calls Bakugou, Bakugou"
Tenya: "In fact we're not entirely sure he knows how to say Bakugo's real name"
Katsuki: Besides, danger sense would have alerted Izuku before everyone jumped you and gotten out of the way. So really you're just stupid"
Jirou: "Wait, sense this guy isn't Deku-"
Momo: "Where's the real one!?"
●●●●●●●
Meanwhile at the villain's hideout:
Izuku: "So you see, you can be whatever you want to be, you don't have to be a villain"
Villain 1: *sniffling* "That's so deep man"
Villain 2: *crying* "No one's ever told us that before! Thank you!"
Villain 3: *sobbing uncontrollably* "Thank you so much! Im gonna turn my whole life around now, I promise!"
Villain 4: *sitting in a corner contemplating their life choices and having a mental crisis*
Izuku: *slightly flustered* "There's really no need to thank me! You guys should have been told all this from the beginning!"
All four villains: *thinking* 'And he's humble too!'
●●●●●●●
Back at UA:
Aizawa: "So you mean to tell me he's been missing for FIVE HOURS!?"
Katsuki: *frustrated sigh* Yeah"
Aizawa: *insert groan of dissapointed and frustration*
Aizawa's phone: *rings*
Aizawa: "What!?"
Villain 1: "Um, is this Erasurehead?"
Aizawa: "Yes, what do want? I'm in the middle of important business!"
Villain 1: "Well, you see, we have one of your students, Midoriya, and we want to know where we should drop him off at?"
Aizawa: "...."
Aizawa: "What do mean 'drop him off at'"?
Villain 1: Well, he kind of gave us a talk about how we don't need to be villains and now we all feel bad about the stuff we did and want to give him back to you"
Aizawa: *sighs tiredly while dragging his hand down his face*
Aizawa: "Meet me at the abandoned choclate factory over on 15th street"
Villain 1: "Okay! Yeah, we can do that and I just want to say how sorry we are for kidnapping him! We're fully expecting to be arrested when we get there, so don't worry about us putting up a fight"
Aizawa: *sighs tiredly and hangs up*
Katsuki who listened to the whole conversation on speaker phone: "So he did it again?"
Aizawa: "Yup."
Katsuki: "And now you have to call the police and do more paperwork than you want to?"
Aizawa: "Yup."
Katsuki: "Want me to go with you to pick him up or..."
Aizawa: "Yes, lord knows he's gonna need someone to talk to on the way back and I cannot deal with him right now."
Katsuki: "So... what do we do with this guy?"
Katsuki: *jabs finger towards the shapeshifing villain who is tied and gagged with sero's tape snd spewing muffled curses at them*
Aizawa:"Hand him over to campus security and let them take care of him"
Katsuki: *nods and drags the screaming villain out the door with him*
Aizawa: "Im getting too old for this"
●●●●●
Later at the abandoned Chocolate Factory:
Aizawa, Katsuki, and a handful of cops walk into the Factory:
Izuku: *jumping up and down while waving his hand*
Cops: *rush over to arrest the villains*
Izuku: "Sensei! Kacchan!! Over here!"
Katsuki: "We know, idiot! We aren't blind!"
Villain 1 being arrested: *whispering* That's 'Kacchan'? I thought he'd be nicer"
Villains 2-4 also being arrested: *nod in agreement*
Izuku: *bounds over to Aizawa and Katsuki*
Izuku: "Sensei! Kacchan! You're not going to believe the day I've had!"
Izuku: *begins rambling*
Aizawa looks tiredly at Katsuki: "You take care of him, I have a big enough headache as it is"
Katsuki: *nods and turns back to listen to Izuku's rant and scold him for being reckless and getting in trouble again*
■■■■■■■
#So this started out as the first two segments#And then it kind of spiraled from there#😅#mha#mha incorrect quotes#bnha#bakudeku#Kind of?#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#bakugou katsuki#izuku midoriya#Izuku Midoriya is the problem child#Izuku Midoriya problems#This boy can't go anywhere witnout something happening to him#aizawa shouta#dadzawa#Tired dad Shouta#class 1a#Izuku definitely can't pronounce “Katsuki”#bakugo katsuki#midoriya izuku#bkdk#Mha “could've been canon” quotes/scenarios#Izuku has talk-no-jit-tsu#He definitely watched naruto as a kid#And now thinks that's how you're supposed to deal with most villains#He also knows that if that doesn't work you should just summon your power and beat the crap out of them
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HOT LOVE ON THE WING - jason todd.
Descripton: You’re not upset about your most recent breakup; you’re just upset you have no one to fuck anymore. Good thing your Shakespeare loving best friend, Jason, has a solution to that.
Contents: This Bad Boy Is PACKED With Shakespeare References, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cheating (Not By Jason Or Reader), You And Jason Are Absolute Fucking DORKS, Good Friend Jason Todd, Best Friend Jason Todd, Self-Indulgent, Cunnilingus, Oral Sex (Female Receiving), Female Reader, HEAVY Banter, Hair-pulling, Vaginal Fingering, Squirting, Overstimulation :), Pet Names, Praise Kink, Dacryphilia, Soft Jason Todd, Dom Jason Todd, Missionary Position, Doggy Style, Cowgirl Position, Nipple Play, Spanking, Rough Sex, Dumbification, Fucked Stupid, Unrealistic Sex, Unprotected Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Spit/Drool, Goofy Giggly Sex, But Also Hard and Fast Sex, Jason Destroys Your Spiderman Panties :(
Word Count: 3131
Author's Note: If it wasn't obvious from the tags this is a repost from my AO3 hehe. This is genuinely my favorite fic I've ever written, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :) <3
“It’s okay, pretty girl. You can take it, can’t you? You made a big show of defying me earlier, put your money where your mouth is - right?”
You threw open the door to his dorm, instantly honing in on his bed and diving into the soft plush. Jason is sitting at his desk, looking up at you from his book with a roll of his eyes at your dramatic entrance.
“Well, hello to you too.” His tone is dripping with sarcasm, but his smile betrays his facade. “It’s nice to see you again, stranger. How long has it been, hm?” He teases, his words alluding to the fact that you’ve been spending less time with him lately in favor of being with your “new boy toy” - as he put it.
You let out a hum into the comforter before moving to your side to properly look at him. “Well I think you’ll be very happy to hear that I’m all yours again, Todd, so there’s no need to be jealous.” You cheekily reply.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” His eyebrows knit together in confusion. You thought it made him look adorable.
“I broke up with my ‘boy toy’, as you so politely called him.” You giggled out, using your fingers as quotation marks for emphasis.
“What!? What happened?” Jason’s eyes widened at the news you so casually dropped.
“Apparently he’s been cheating on me for some time. My friend showed me some pictures of him shoving his tongue down some girl’s throat at a party so I broke it off with him this morning. Anyways, what’s been going on in Jay-Land?” You grin widely as you gaze at him from the bed.
Your attempt at changing the topic of conversation went unsuccessful.
Jason sat up from his spot, setting his book down before hurriedly making his way over to you, settling down beside you on the bed.
“Are you okay?”
“Don’t I seem okay to you? I’m just fine, dude.” You tried to reassure him, your voice unwavering and relaxed as your eyes followed him.
“I mean, I guess; but I thought you really liked him.”
“It seems like you want me to be sad over this. What do you want me to say? ‘Tears seven times salt burn the sense and virtue from mine eyes!’” You gasp out the line dramatically, bringing a hand to cover your heart and the other to wipe non-existent tears from your face, before bursting out into giggles.
“Don’t you go quoting Shakespeare at me! That’s my role in this friendship!” Jason playfully nudges your shoulder as a wide grin breaks out on his own face.
“The Jason doth protest too much, methinks.” You do your best to put on a snooty tone, but your laughter prevents it.
“Oh, shut up.”
Another round of cackles start up between the two of you, and you both relish in the comfortable silence that falls after.
“You know,” You start, breaking the silence and making Jason’s head turn towards you. “There is one thing I’m sad about.”
“What?”
“His dick game was mad good.” You say with an extravagant sigh. “I’m gonna miss it.” You fake a few sniffles.
“Aw, come on now. There’s other dick out there.”
“Nah, it’s too much work. I’ll just have to survive without it for now. ‘But I have that within which passeth show; these but the trappings and the suits of woe.’”
“I can’t believe he’s got you so cock-drunk that you’re quoting Hamlet.” Jason tsks out in false disapproval. “He’s not good enough to be depressed for.”
“He’s not, but the sex definitely was.”
“It couldn’t have been that good.”
“It was.”
“Not better than what I could do though.”
“Ehhhhhh…” You squinch your face together in overplayed disbelief, causing him to fix you with a sharp glare and a hurt gasp.
“Is that a challenge?” He smirked, his eyes narrowing in competitiveness.
“I know it not ‘seems’.”
“You cheeky motherfucker.” Jason smiles out before grabbing your waist and throwing you further up the bed. It causes you to let out a startled yelp as Jason moved to hover over your body.
“Oh? You gonna prove it to me, Todd? You must be overcompensating for something if you get this riled up over such a small comment. You know, if you wanted to fuck me - you could have just asked.”
“Funny, I was about to say the exact same thing.” He leans in to bite your neck, making your body jolt against his.
“Hey! Play nice, Todd.” You scold, slapping his shoulder before wrapping your arms around his neck.
“I’m ever so sorry, madam.” He fake pouts before attacking your face with kisses.
“Stop!” You squeal out, giggles erupting uncontrollably from the ticklish sensation. You move your hands to his chest, pushing him away from you. “Are you ever gonna get on with it, or are you just gonna keep messing around?”
“That’s a fair thought: to lie between maids’ legs.”
“Ugh, it doesn’t sound as good when you do it.”
“Excuse you? I’m a Shakespeare quoting champ!”
“You’re awfully defensive today, Todd.” You note with a grin.
“Keep talking, princess, see what happens.” He jokingly warns.
He pulls back from you to pull his shirt over his head, before going to tug at his pants. You follow after him, sitting up to discard your own clothing. Once you both are left in your underwear, Jason pushes you flat against the bed again.
“Spiderman panties. Cute.”
“Shut up. It’s not like I planned for this to happen.” You grumbled out at his observation. You forgot about them and your cheeks burned with embarrassment.
“Mhm, sure, sweetheart.”
Jason starts planting sloppy kisses on your skin, trailing his way down your body until he’s reached your waistband. He shuffles down the bed and lies down between your legs, leaning in to snatch the fabric of your underwear between his teeth and ripping it off your legs.
“Jay! I liked that pair!”
“My bad, princess, I’ll be sure to buy you some new ones.”
“Better still be spiderman.”
“I’m more Team Cap.” He disserts before gripping your thighs and dragging your core closer to his face; the back of your calves rest on his shoulders.
His eyes drag down your glistening pussy before he lets out a loud wolf whistle at the sight.
“Ew, Todd!” You laugh, trying to kick him for the action but the hold he has on you is too tight to allow movement.
“What? I’m just appreciating the view.”
He dips his head down, tongue flicking at your hooded clit before he wraps his lips and around the bud and sucks. He feels your thighs tighten around his head as your own tilts up to let out a loud moan. He replaces his tongue with his fingers, expertly working the nub in circles as he peers up at you.
Your head is turned to the side, eyes clenched and lips spilling shaky whines.
‘A damn nice sight’, if he did say so himself.
He continues to stimulate your clit with his thumb, pressing his tongue to your dripping hole to lap up your arousal.
“Fuck, Jason! You really know how to put the money where your mouth is,” You mumble into the sheets, hips bucking up every once in a while from the pleasure.
Jason grips you tighter, preventing you from moving. He briefly looks up to note “I think you’ll find I know how to use my mouth quite well”, before moving to continue eating you out.
His actions are faster, more feverous. His tongue runs up and down your sex, your slick coating his taste buds. He savors it - lets out a deep hum that reverberates through your pussy and up your spine, sending shivers through your body. He sucks and slurps at you, so passionate that you swear you can feel your soul escaping through your cunt. The wet smacks do nothing but turn you on more, your thighs pressing closer to his head and acting as earmuffs.
Your hands move from their place bunched in his sheets to his hair, tanging the dark locks between your fingers and instinctively tugging. It causes a low groan to tear from his throat, the bass and depth of it fueling the uncontrollable hot ache in your stomach. That only makes you want to do it again. The second tug makes a sound that’s akin to a growl, before Jason pauses his movements to stare up at you.
“Careful, princess. Don’t bite off more than you can chew.”
It’s a sight to behold. Jason: heaving, eyes blown, his face shiny from your smeared slick. His mouth is open, panting - his gaze refusing to leave contact with yours. There’s mischief glimmering in the depth of his eyes.
You don’t reply - only smirk, and yank his head closer to your sex again.
“Oh, you’ve done it now.”
His hand moves from your clit to your dripping hole, two fingers pushing their way inside you. His lips reattach to your clit as he starts to move his fingers - fast and rough and leaving you no time to adjust to his intrusion.
“J-Jesus fuck!” He can feel your thighs twitching, can feel your fingers gripping onto his hair hard in response, and it only spurs him on more.
His palm smacks against your cunt with each hit, splattering your slick. His fingers move at an unfathomable speed, pads searching for that one spot inside you that will make you see white.
You’re whimpering and whining above him, senses overwhelmed at Jason’s rough ministrations. It’s too much: the pressure building inside you. It feels like you’re on the edge, senses ready to fall into a never-ending pit of endorphins and fear and exhilaration. There are fireworks inside you, lit and ready to burst and fry all of your sensibilities.
Finally, it happens - what Jason’s been waiting for. With a slightly tilted angle of his hand and a curl of his fingers, he finds it. He knows because you suddenly tense up; because you let out the most angelic, strung-out moan he’s ever heard; because your walls clamp down on his fingers and a jet of tangy, sweet liquid hits his awaiting tongue.
God he wishes he could watch you cum over and over and over. He’s gonna think back to this moment when he’s fucking his fist in the future - that’s for sure. The view of you - back arched, eyes teary. The sensation of you - warm and wet and tight against his digits. The sound of you - desperate and high pitched and wailing out his name. He wants it all burned into his brain.
“Jason, Jason!” Yeah, that’s the sound of heaven alright. “Jay! Stop! I came- I can’t!”
Hm?
Oh. He hasn’t stopped pumping his fingers inside you. Oh, well.
“It’s okay, pretty girl. You can take it, can’t you? You made a big show of defying me earlier, put your money where your mouth is - right?”
God, you’re shaking. You look like a leaf shivering in the wind, or a cat left out in the rain. Your eyes are glossy and teary and fuck. You look so beautiful falling apart for him.
Your brain is in shambles, screaming and begging for a reprieve. It’s dizzying, the assault of your sensations. All you can hear, think, feel is Jason.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, please!”
“Come on, princess. Just let go. Just one more for me, yeah?”
You can’t tell if the second orgasm hits you like a train or slowly drowns you in its weight. Maybe a mix of both - a crashing of a tsunami that simultaneously relieves your ache and steals your breath.
You’re sobbing, trembling, gasping for breath and trying to regain feeling from the clouds that seem to have replaced your nerves.
“You did so well.” Jason cooes. He’s sitting up, suckling your juices from his fingers like you were a decadent 5-star meal.
He moves to lay down beside you, pulling your body to curl into his, back to peppering your cheeks with chaste, affectionate kisses.
“Fuck, Jason.” You heave out, still slightly out of it.
“Was that okay? Did I get carried away?” He questions softly, concern lacing the green in his eyes.
“Yeah, no, that was great.” You quickly reassure him. “I just- wow. I need a moment.”
He chuckles quietly before holding you close to his body again. “So? Did I exceed your expectations?”
“Don’t get cocky. Hubris was the downfall of Macbeth.” You shuffle closer to him. “Speaking of cocky, is that a dagger - or are you just happy to see me?”
“I’m always happy to see you princess,” Jason croons. “but I am extremely rock hard right now, too.”
Your hands drift down his body, sensually tracing every muscle from his chest to his pelvis, before tugging off his boxers.
You swing your body on top of his, straddling his waist as you begin pumping his cock.
“Well then” You start, positioning yourself on top of his awaiting member, “O’ happy dagger, this is thy sheath…”
You start to sink down on him as you finish the quote, your words trailing off into a wanton moan.
“I’d yell at you for saying something so stupid if you weren’t fucking squeezing my cock right now.” Jason manages to huff out. His teeth are gritted, eyes shut as he tries not to cum at the sensation of you wrapped warm and tight around him.
His large hands settle on your waist as yours plant themselves on his chest for support.
“You have to admit, it’s clever wordplay.” You mewl, mind fuzzy from the sensation of his dick stretching you out.
Tingles shoot up your body as the pain dissolves into a delicious fullness. You crave friction, your very core feels like it's aching for it. In fact, you think you’ll go insane if you don’t start moving right now.
You carefully lift your hips up, before dropping back down again, repeating the motion over and over until you’ve built up a somewhat regular rhythm.
Moans ceaselessly flow from your lips, interspersed with mumbled swears and curses.
Your head is tipped forward, your hair falling into your face. Jason’s hand comes up to brush it back behind your ear, before gently cupping your cheek.
“You feel so good baby, fuck.” He grunts.
His other hand comes up to undo your bra, releasing your tits to him. Both palms move to cup them, kneading at the soft flesh before working your perked nipples with his fingers.
You still your movements with a whine, too confounded by the assault of stimulations you were feeling. That doesn’t mean that you’re not still desperate and yearning, though. Your thighs do their best to rub against each other, trying to chase friction despite your inaction.
It’s only as you rest that you feel how sore your legs have become, enough that you let out a pitiful mewl.
“Is my pretty baby tired?” Jason muses, while he’s still pinching and rolling your sensitive buds.
“Mhm,” You moan out in reply.
He quickly rolls the both of you over, laying you down onto your back again before flipping you onto your stomach.
You quickly shuffle onto your knees, arching back against him in wait.
“Good girl,” He laughs out. His palms rub against your cheeks, squeezing the flesh there before pulling back and giving it a slap.
It earns him a broken moan from your throat, and the view of your ass shaking in desperation.
It only makes him laugh again. “Have some patience, naughty girl.”
He spanks you again, and you keen so high-pitched and pretty that he can only relent to your demands.
Jason grips his cock and guides it to your wet folds, sliding it up and down before finally pushing in. You welcome him easily, pussy molding perfectly to his thick cock.
A hand settles on your waist while the other tangles into your hair. He yanks your head back as he starts fucking you hard and fast.
His hips smack hard against your ass with each thrust, slowly turning the skin there sore and heated. His cock is bullying its way in and out of you, the tip knocking against your sweet spot with a force that repeatedly knocks the breath and thoughts out of you.
Your eyes are rolled back, brain melted, as drool drips from your lips.
Chants of “fuck” and “Jay” are the only sounds your mouth remembers how to make now.
“Just keep saying my name like that, sweetheart.” Jason pants out.
He can’t believe how good you feel around him. You’re so warm and wet that his cock glides in and out so easy, making it effortless for him to abuse your poor cunt.
The hand in your hair guides you up to him, back pressed against his sweaty chest as he tilts your head and leans in for a kiss.
It’s messy with your spit and drool, both your movements uncoordinated and sloppy.
He fucks up into you all the while, gravity allowing him to hit harder and deeper inside you.
He can feel that you’re close again - your body is twitching against him, your cunt beginning to spasm.
The hand on your waist reaches to rub quick and hard circles against your clit, and you’re gone.
Your whole body shudders as you soak his cock, before going limp is his hold. It’s an intense buzzing sensation that overtakes you, settling deep in your veins until you’re trapped in a pleasing static. Your head is submerged in sticky syrup that makes it hard to think, so you just indulge in the calming weight of it.
Jason pulls out and gently maneuvers your dazed body back to the bed, hand working himself to completion before finishing on your stomach - his warm cum splattering on the skin as he lets out a husky grunt.
He stays there, catching his breath for a few moments before he disappears to the bathroom while you come down from your high, washing his hands and grabbing a damp towel to bring back to you.
He wipes you clean before poking your cheek until your gaze refocuses on him.
“How was it?” He cheekily smirks.
“I certainly died a lovely death in thy lap,” You chuckle.
“If you can still quote Shakespeare I didn’t fuck you dumb enough.” Jason frowns.
“Awh, cheer up, you big baby.” You reach out to pat his head endearingly, “I change my mind; your dick game is definitely better.”
“YES!” Jason fist-pumps like he just scored a touch-down and you smile at how stupid he looks. “Okay, now you go pee.” He shoos you away. “I’ll change the sheets and we can watch reruns of Gossip Girl again.”
“I would not wish any companion in the world but you.” You fake tear-up, wiping your eyes before giggling the whole way to the bathroom.
Thank you so much for reading! A comment or reblog is much appreciated. Have a great day <3
- sumi ☆ミ
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#sumi — works.#sumi — dc.#red hood smut#red hood x reader#jason todd smut#jason todd x reader#dc smut#dc x reader#mdni#sumi — my love.
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