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slimybeth69 · 1 day ago
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Que Será, Será: Part 8
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Rating: Explicit- Smut, violence, drinking/drug use. MDNI!! Summary: It's almost twenty years after some weird outbreak almost happened but the CDC took care of that...Now you're living in Austin, Texas as an adult.What happens when you meet Joel Miller who hasn't been hardened and ruined by twenty years of murder and loss? Warnings/Tags: DaddyDom!Joel/ you. no use of y/n. No physical description of the reader besides one tattoo. Reader has a background story. Drinking/drug use. Slow burn. Smut. Angst. Cheating. Graphic depictions of violence. Eventual loss of virginity. Use of nicknames/pet names (lil girl, baby girl.) DD/lg dynamics. BDSM play. Unbeta'ed. WIP. Cross-posting from my Ao3. Chapter Warnings: read at your own discretion- no warnings due to chapter spoilers.
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Previously--
Joel doesn’t text you or call you for four days. You are fuming. So mad. Not sad anymore. Rage filled. But you only text him one thing on the fourth day and nothing else. 
Cool. 
And then you almost throw your phone against the wall but…you can’t afford a new phone and a laptop. Not even with Joel paying for the window. Your phone dings and it’s him. Your heart flutters until you open it. 
Sorry.
Currently-
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Love that. Love all of this.
This is fucking wonderful.
You delete his text thread. You hesitate deleting the contact info because…that would be it. You don’t have any other way of contacting him unless you show up to his front door. You don’t delete it. You’ll hold on to it for a night you get real drunk and wanna make a fool of yourself. 
It’s another two weeks later and you’re at work, cashing people out when he comes through your line. You don’t even notice until he says something. You hadn’t even looked up.
“Hi.”
When you do look it feels like your heart is going to fall into your ass. 
“Hi.” It comes out of you so quiet and small. You’re so fucking scared for some reason. It feels like all the bones in your body have been turn to liquid.
“How y'been?” He asks and sounds shy. You shrug your shoulders and the anger returns. 
“Fine.” You snap softly. 
“Good.” Joel speaks softly to you but doesn’t say anything else. 
You cash him out and then he leaves. You’re so thankful that no one was behind him. You tell the person working next to you–with tears in your fucking eyes– that you need to go to the restroom and you’ll be right back. You spend ten minutes in there fucking crying. Heartbroken. 
Your co-worker– an older woman named Babs, comforts you gently when you come back teary eyed and red faced.
“You cryin’ over that mean lookin’ feller?” She asks quietly when no one else is around. You nod, but don’t start crying again. You can’t. You’ll have to leave if you start again. “Eh, you can do better.” She shrugs her shoulders.
It makes you feel worse because you don’t want ‘better’ you want Joel Miller. Wanted him so fucking badly it hurt everywhere. These last couple weeks have been nothing but pain and you can't even pinpoint it because it feels like it's overtaking your whole world.
You drive home and go straight to the whiskey cabinet. No fucking around tonight. You are drinking to be drunk. Drunk, drunk.
You change into something more comfortable, almost nothing— a little sundress because it’s hot. So fuckin’ hot. You bring your bong and bottle of whiskey outside with a can of Coke.
It’s happening: you’re getting over Joel Miller tonight. 
That bottle goes down…quicker than you expect it to, easier too. There wasn’t much left and…now it’s gone. So, you’re feeling better. Feeling not as sad. Not mad at all. Numb. Good. It’s good. Better than sad. Yes. Smoke weed. Get drunk. Be numb. The best way to handle your problems. 
It’s getting dark when your phone rings. You’re too drunk to care who it is. 
“Yessss?” You answer…very drunkenly.
“Y’expectin’ my call or somethin’?” Joel chuckles into the phone nervously. 
“Whaaaat?” You’re in shock. Stunned and still drunk. “Why’re y’callin’ m’fer?” You slur into the phone loudly. 
“You okay there, lil girl?” He asks, sounding worried about you and not nervous at all anymore.
“I’mm. Fiiiine.” You try to snap but it comes out long and drawn out, but annoyed. 
“Don’t sound fine… ” He speaks softly now. 
“Well why would I be? Huh? Huh?” You are angry again hearing his voice. “Jus’fuckin’ ‘banoned me? Fuuuck yooooou.” You are too drunk to be talking to him right now. You really should just go to bed. “I liked y-you ssoo muuuch. SOO much. I did.” You poke your chest like he can see you. “N’ y’fuckin’ leave.” You’re sad. Almost crying now. “Fuuck yoooou. I liked you!!!” 
“Can we talk?” He asks, sounding ashamed, not hearing or not caring that you’re hammered. 
“I’m lissstenin’.” You slur in a hiss. You’re pissed off. Drunk and angry.
“In person, stupid.” Joel chuckles into the phone. 
“M’not fuckin’ drivin’ nowhere. M’not that stupid!” You snap into the phone.
“M’out front. You don’ gotta go nowhere.” He whispers into the phone. You look at the back door of the house like you can see right through all the wood and drywall and plaster to try and see him. 
“Comin’.” You hang up on him and make your way to the front door. Joel is walking up to meet you as it opens. 
“Hey…” He says softly. 
“Fuuck. Yoou.” You teeter to one side but steady yourself. 
“You drinkin’?” Joel pinches his brows together softly. 
“Soooo much.” You glare at him like that’s supposed to bother him or make him feel some type of way. But it does. 
“Why?” He asks with a shrug on one shoulder. You haven’t invited him so he still on the porch. 
“Because.” You snap. ‘That’ss it.” You nod your head and blink for a long time. 
“You gon’ be okay?” Joel asks as you open your eyes. 
“Yesss.” You sigh at him.
“You want me t’go home? Delete yer’ number?” He asks quietly. “Want me t’ask y’again when yer’ sober?” He chuckles now but it doesn’t last long and he goes back to staring at you. You do not know. You want him to stay. But…why? He’s embarrassed of you. 
“I dunno.” You whisper up to him. 
“I’m sorry.” He shrugs his shoulders and tries to teach for you but you take a step back from him and scowl. “You hate me now?” Joel leans against the door frame and looks down at you sadly. 
“Y’hurt my feelin’s.” You grumble. “You're ‘sha–med of me.” You hiccup. Joel shakes his head. 
“No. I’m not.” He whispers. “I mean it. We can talk in the morning when yer’ sober. I’ll come back.” He nods his head and reaches for your hand.
You let him take it and he rubs his thumb across the back of your finger. “I wan’ you.” Your drunk heart and brain tell him what you want for you. “Real bad.” You nod at him.
“Yer’ so drunk, baby. Can I put ya t’bed?” Joel asks softly.
You keep nodding at him and he helps you back into the house and starts to lead you down to the basement.
“M’stuff… ” You point out to the back deck near the pool but Joel just walks you to the top of the stairs.
You take one stumbling step down before Joel wraps one arm around your waist, lifts you quickly and gets you downstairs himself, holding you facing out with your back against his chest.
You’re very concerned about your things outside though. “I got thingsss outssside.” You look up at him as he puts you into bed and pulls the blanket up over you. 
“I’ll go get ‘em.” He kisses the top of your head very softly and turns your fan on, turns the lights off and then you’re passed out.
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It’s not a pretty morning. It hurts. The whiskey hurts you so bad. You don’t even want to open your eyes.
No. You cannot. You will die here in this bed in the basement. Die of sadness and loneliness, probably. You could weep from the pain and the heartbreak.
Agatha meows softly and jumps up on the bed behind you. You pspspspss her real good but she never comes. You roll over and then fall out of your bed quite literally. Jump out screaming, is more like it!
There is a man beside you– Joel Miller!? And he’s petting your cat!!
“What are you doing here?” You ask from the floor as Joel rolls over onto his back to look at you. 
“Want me t’go? I stayed in case ya got sick or whatever.” Joel shrugs his shoulders and sounds disappointed in your reaction to seeing him. 
“When did you get here? How did you get in?” You’re still on the floor and still so confused. Your head is pounding and you just wanna go get sick and crawl back into bed. 
“Last night. Showed up after y’started boozin’.” Joel explains and starts to get out of your bed. He has all of his clothes on except for his boots. “I’ll go. M’sorry fer’ jus’ showin’ up. Saw ya at the store yesterday n’ ya looked real nice. I been missin’ you. Wanted to talk if you’d listen…” Joel trails off as he stands at the end of your bed, towering over you still sitting on the floor. He extends his hand and helps you to your feet. 
“You– you don’t have to go.” You whisper softly. “I don’t want you to.”
Joel’s eyes light up and he takes a step closer to you. You might be sick. You put one hand over your mouth and dart into the bathroom. 
It's possible, by the power of Satan himself flowing through you that you are fine. You are going to be okay. You drink water and...actually just have to get into the shower.
It’s good there.
It feels so good to lay down, so you do, you lay down and curl up into a ball on the floor of the stand up shower for an embarrassingly long time.
All you can think about is what happened last night that your blacked-out brain cannot remember. Did you embarrass yourself? Did you do anything stupid that he can use against you in the future? Did you say that you loved him?
Ugh.
You're not sure Joel would tell you any of those things, even if they did happen.
When you stand up, things don't hurt as much, but you feel just as disgusting as you did when you got in, so you wash and scrub the evidence of the day before off and let it swirl around the drain and into the pipes to be gone forever.
You get out, and brush your teeth- that's what you needed more than anything.
When you come out you can feel his eyes on you immediately, but you don't look at him. You pull on a pair of panties with your towel still wrapped around you. You do the same thing with a new dress that barely touches any of your body when you put it on.
That's when you take off the towel and finish drying your hair.
“I’ll understand if y’dont wanna smoke…” Joel gives you a sad smile as he watches you from the couch.
It's so hard to be mad at him for ignoring you, and not giving you any explanation for why he didn't want to see you anymore when he's looking at you with his big, sad brown eyes.
“Why’d ya leave that day?” You ask softly, sitting yourself down on the couch with enough distance between you for a whole person to lay down.  
“You know. S’awkward. ” Joel shrugs his shoulders, his eyes not meeting yours anymore. “Made me feel weird– bad." Joel doesn’t sound mad when he says this, he sound almost regretful. "Felt like a fuckin' pervert."
Now you're scared of the reason he came over here.
“What changed?” You whisper.
Joel chuckles and turns his head to look at you. “I realized… I am. I wanna fuck th’shit out of your tight, young, lil virgin pussy… so god damn bad. I get so fuckin’ hard thinkin’ ‘bout it.” Joel growls the words to you quietly. “I think ‘bout watchin’ my hard cock slidin’ into yer’ lil hole fer’ the first time n’ I could fuckin’ bust right there.” His mouth is so tight when he speaks, like he's trying to hold the words back from slipping between his lips.
He's quickly closing the distance between you two on the couch, and it makes your heart race, and his words make your pussy clench around nothing.
“Oh.” 
You’re so wildly turned on by his words, he's barely said them and you're already dripping. Your stomach is fluttering so much you feel like you might actually be sick this time. There is pressure and also a weird weakness in your chest simultaneously, like it might cave in on itself. 
“That’s all ya want from me?” You murmur, staring at him as he inches himself closer to you. He shakes from side to side silently. “What else do you want then?” You close your eyes because he is so close, you know he’s going to kiss you and you know where. Under your right eye.
“All of you.” Joel breaths against your eyelid and it makes you shiver. “Everything. Whatever ya wanna fuckin’ give me. I don’ care. I’ll take it, n’ be your pervy old man.” Joel speaks quietly and softly and moves down your cheeks as he speaks until he’s to your lips. “I’ll take whatever y’give me. I want it.” Joel whisper against your lips before he kisses you. 
You lean back and let him climb between your legs and rest some of his weight on top of you. He doesn’t grind himself down into you like you so desperately want him to, he lays his hips gently onto yours and rests there as he kisses you deeply. One of his hands finds the side of your face and he cups, then slides up, carding his fingers through your hair as he tries to deepen the already intense kiss.
It’s so deep it feels like he’s trying to lick your throat, but… you’re right there trying to lick his– trying to crawl into each other's mouths. 
He moans quietly as your hands find his hair and hold him to you as your mouths do the opening and closing-thing, the desperate-thing. Wet kissing sounds, and both of your breathless, panting moans fill the room. 
“I need you.” You whisper, pulling his head away from you by his hair. He chuckles and tries to kiss you again but you don’t let him. 
“No.” He growls, and there is another attempt to kiss you, more forceful this time, but you grip his hair tightly and yank his head back, he groans when you do it but doesn’t stop grinning down at you or panting.
“Why not? Why are you dragging it out?” You’re almost angry about it but…how can you stay mad at him? He’s grinning down at you all stupid, with his chocolate brown eyes and his body is just so big on top of yours. So warm. He smells so fucking good. 
“Yer’ special, so it's gotta be special.” He pants and makes an attempt to pull free from your grasp in his hair but you don’t let go and he rolls his eyes and groans in frustration but it’s short lived when he looks back down at you. 
“I don’t want it to be a big thing?” You whisper, reminding him of why you hadn’t lost it yet. 
“Shhhh. You want it sooo fuckin’ bad. Right?” Joel speaks like he knows exactly what he’s talking about.
You nod.
“S’let me keep doin’ all this– all these fun n’ sexy things that make ya feel soooo good– they make ya feel good, right?” He questions you again and pauses with his eyebrows raised.
You nod again.
“Okay. Ya' were sooo nervous with e'ryone else 'cause ya weren't comfortable, right?"Joel is still talking like he is so smart and has all the answers.
You shrug your shoulders and nod. begrudgingly.
“M'gettin’ ya' there…” Joel nods his head. “Doin’ all this fun stuff…makin’ ya more n’ more comfortable— confident n’ how to use that sexy fuckin’ body ya got- I- need'ya a lil more comfortable ‘fore we go n’ take the plunge. ‘Kay? Sexy fuckin’ lil girl with the tightest fuckin’ pussy, that work fer’ you?”
You nod silently.
“‘Kay. Shut up n’ kiss me a lil ‘fore we smoke n’ relax a. You gotta work today?” He questions you.
You shake your head no.
“‘Kay. You still like me?” He gives you a crooked half smile.
You nod.
“‘Kay. So stop worryin’. Daddy’s gon’ take reeeeal good fuckin’ care of you.” He snaps his head forward slightly, in the process pulling his hair free from your grasp. “Ha!” Joel laughs in your face once and brings his lips to yours again and opens your mouth for you with his tongue, and it turns into who can kiss the wettest very quickly. 
When he finally pulls himself away, you're both panting as he rests his forehead against yours. Then he exhales loudly and quickly, then kisses you once more before he climbs off of you and goes back to the coffee table with weed and smoking paraphernalia on it.
You stare at him. 
Is he your boyfriend now? 
You replay the last ten minutes in your head and everything he said. It sounded…like he wanted to be your boyfriend. Kinda. Kinda sounds like he just wants to fuck you? You dunno. You’re too fucking scared to ask and look stupid. 
“What?” He asks when he feels you staring at him while he gets ready to smoke. 
“Nothing.” You snap and turn to face the TV. You put on the only thing you watch and Joel says…nothing. For a long time. You start from the first episode. He doesn’t talk for three and a half episodes of Jersey Shore before he turns to you. 
“What’re they doin’?” Joel asks with his eyes still partially looking at the TV. “What’s th’point of this show?” You snort and shake your head slowly. 
“There isn’t one. That’s why it’s amazing.” You turn back to the screen and enjoy your comfort show. So simple. So easy. Brain rotting. 
“Jus’...gettin’ drunk?” He doesn’t understand. 
“Yeah… they were doing a lot of coke too, but they didn't show all that.” You laugh and rub your feet along his thighs. He rubs your shins as you do that and cannot take his eyes off the TV. 
“That makes sense…” Joel trails off and goes quiet again. You flick your eyes to him intermediately to see if he’s enjoying himself. Never once does he look like he is. His nose is always wrinkled or his eyes are wide. Or he has no emotion about it at all but it’s been on for hours. Joel never complains. Once your headache is gone and now you are pandered by hunger…you turn the TV off and Joel’s head snaps to you. “What?” He wanted to keep watching, apparently. 
“I need food.” You groan and can’t fathom standing. 
“Wanna go somewhere? I can order us somethin’? I can…”
“Don’t say cook because I have no groceries.” 
“Do– do you wanna go get some?” Joel asks like you’ve been holding off on running errands to hang out with him. 
“No?” You’re so confused. 
“You don’t… need food here?” He has his brows pinched together like he doesn’t understand you. He doesn’t. Clearly. He has food in his fridge. 
“Uh… not really? I don’t cook for just myself. It all goes to waste. I eat out a lot. Order food…” You feel silly when you say it but it’s the truth. Go through all the bullshit of cooking a really good meal to sit alone and the leftovers never get touched? No. You don’t… not cook. Just…not all the time. Gotta have a craving for something from back home for you to want to cook. 
“Oh. Okay…” 
“Do you cook dinner every night? We ordered out when I stayed there..” You feel judged. 
“I cook more than I order out…” Joel might be judging you. 
“Well if you stick around maybe I’ll cook more!” You say it in annoyance of his judging eyes but then he smiles and snorts softly. 
“I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Gotta go to Mexico in six months but… I’m comin’ right back.” Joel smirks and wraps his hand around your ankle softly. 
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you … probably order food.” You stick your tongue out at him and he grips your ankle tighter. 
“Alright.” Joel sits up and pushes your feet off his knees gently. “Yer’ toooo fuckin’ comfortable ‘round me n' the way you talk to me?” Joel is slightly smirking when he says it but…he sounds kinda serious. “Gon’ teach you a lesson, lil girl. C’mere.” he sits up on the couch, pushes the coffee table away from his legs with his foot and pats his legs. You stand up and go to sit down but he stops you. “Oh no. Lay over top of ‘em.” He grins now. 
“What!” You take a step away from him but he has his hand on your wrist before you get too far. 
“Shut yer' fuckin' mouth n' get over here. Y’heard me. Y’wanna get spanked? Alright. Let’s go.” He nods to you over to him, pulling on your hand lightly. 
“When did I say I wanted to get spanked!?” You exclaim. This is exciting, sexy and also fucking terrifying. He was being so, so sweet a couple minutes ago and now he wants to spank you!
“I’m just gon’use my hand, baby… nothin’ crazy. No flogger, no whips.” He explains. He’s speaking like he’s trying to calm a rabid animal. Firm, but nice. 
“What the fuck is a flogger??!” You are now more terrified and a little less turned on but then you realize he said no. None of that. Just his hands… maybe. You still fight him a little. 
“That toy from that special video…” He teases and flicks his eyebrows up once. “Just using my hands today…” Joel looks so excited. 
“Your hands are so big and so strong!!” You are inching towards him though with shuffling feet. 
“I know, baby girl. It'll be okay,” Joel tugs on your hand and pulls you over his lap.
You’re staring at the black faux fur rug and wondering how you got here. You pray to Satan that you enjoy this and it’s not scary and doesn’t hurt too bad. Shit. Okay. You shiver as Joel lifts your sundress over your ass and halfway up your back. Then he shifts a bunch and leans over you partially.
“Now… I’m gon’ buy ya new ones… later today— I promise.” Joel explains but you’re confused about what he means until you hear the fabric ripping.
What is it with him and ruining your things???? He's tearing the underwear right off of you.
He doesn’t even take them all the way off– just rips them in the back right down the middle so he can have access to your bare ass. 
“Okay.” It comes out of your mouth as a whimper and you are trembling as he rubs his rough palm and pads of his fingers across both cheeks very gently. So slowly. You get goosebumps. Immediately. 
“Awwwhh. You kinda scared, lil baby?” Joel chuckles like this is so much fun for him. Scaring and teasing you. Making your heart race. It's good. So fucking good.
“Lil bit.” You mewl up to him. He laughs. Deeply. 
“Don’t be. It’s only gon’ hurt for a lil while…then Daddy makes everything better. S’how this works baby, ok?” He is being so patronizing the way he speaks-it’s fucking so hot for some reason. 
“Alright–”
And then your naked ass is greeted by his palm for the first time with real force behind it. It doesn’t knock the air out of you, not even a little, but it does sting, and it does make you hiss with clenched teeth. Then Joel's hand moves across your ass so softly, so lovingly. 
“Yer’ a good girl— you will be. Imma make you a fuckin' good girl.” Joel chuckles again softly as his hand rubs the sting out of your ass fat. It still burns a little but it’s nothing bad. You don’t hate it. “Now…do’ya know what good girls do?” So condescending. It drips out of his mouth as he talks to you. 
“What?” You purr to the floor as his fingers inch their way towards your slit. He brushes the tips of his fingers against your pussy and then leaves and goes back to rubbing your ass cheek. 
"They want more. Y’want more, Birdie-girl?”He purrs back down to you deeply, rumbling in his throat when he speaks. You nod silently. “Use that pretty fuckin’ voice you got then.” He snaps at you and grips one of your globes in his hands and jiggles it slowly. He groans happily at the sight of your body moving under his hand. 
“I want more.” You whine happily as his touch. 
“Jeesus. Okay. Listen t’me. Ya listenin'?" He confirms like you are not bent over his knees.
"Yes." 
"Good. Now shut th'fuck up n you listen good. You say: Can I have another–. N’ then you call me whatever you want. I don’ care…but you address me, ask for it, tell me whatcha want… n’ then say please..” Joel explains with a hint of annoyance in his tone and you roll your eyes. 
“Fine. Okay. Here, you ready?” You ask him, also sounding slightly annoyed. You don’t let him respond. “Can I please, please have one more, Old Man? I need it so bad. I want you to spank me… Daddy.” You lather it on for him and roll your eyes once again when you finish. Joel doesn’t say anything. His hand stays moving on your ass still. He just snickers to himself quietly. 
“You forget where the fuck yer’ layin’, y'fuckin brat?" He barks after a second. It's snapped out his mouth at you, and makes you jump. 
Your pussy is dripping. Why?? "Huh? 
"You forget what we’re fuckin' doin’? Who the fuck yer' talkin' to?” Now he is whispering, but it’s coming out of him growled and angry sounding. “Now…yer’ gon’ get a real one. That first one? Nothin’.” Joel sounds so upset--but, you think he likes this?
You dunno, not really.
Regardless, your heart is pounding, and now you’re fucking terrified. Youare so, so regretful. Why are you always being a sarcastic bitch all the time?! Shit. Shit. Fuck. He is still rubbing your ass cheek gently. 
“M'sorry, Daddy.” You whimper even though you mean to say it real strong, real powerful because you want him to know that you are really sorry.
But he chuckles at you and pinches your ass gently and his hand disappears.
Oh noo. This is gonna be so bad and you’re gonna hate it. Shit.
Then he’s going to hate you. 
“Awhhh, don’t be sorry, baby. I’m not mad.” He sounds nice again.
Like he isn’t gonna spank you again. Phew.
“I’m gon’ take you out today, shoppin’. Getchya some food. Coffee if yer’ cute lil ass wants one. If ya’ take this real good might even have a surprise for ya…” He doesn’t spank you but he’s waiting for something. You don’t know what to say. “I’ll do all that whichya anyway… but… I’d like t’spank ya real good first. Teach ya a lesson… if you’ll let me? Y'need it.” Joel is waiting for your consent. 
“And you won’t be mad if I said no?” You question him.
Joel gently– so very carefully and softly– presses his hand against your ass as he speaks comfortingly. “Never. I mean it. I like this, but y’don’t gotta. Doesn’t matter t’me. We can still go have fun n’ all do all that fun stuff anyway…” His voice is deep and even, calming and he means it. You can tell.
“Can I please have one more, Daddy, please? I’d really like you to spank me.” You are so nice. So nice and such a good girl about it-- genuinely.
He is happy with you! So happy!! He taps your ass twice gently and chuckles. “Yer’ fuckin’ great.” He chuckles a little harder and takes his place sitting straight up. “Now… it’s gon’ hurt baby. I’m sorry.” He warns you and now you’re fucking scared again. “Soon as I do it…Imma rub the sting out… n’ do something else fer’ ya, okay? But.. yer' gon' learn a lesson.” He gets your consent once more. 
“Okay.” You fuckin’ give it to him even though you are terrified because, guess what? You’re drenched. Dripping down your thighs. Soaked. You’re aching in a way you never knew your pussy could ache. It feels like your lips are on fire and they feel swollen and puffy. You wonder if he can see you looking like a desperate mess for him. Yearning for him so badly. 
Joel rubs your ass once more and then the warmth from him is gone. You wait and wonder what he’s going to say to you know to increase the anticipation but, those thoughts are all gone from your head when you hear a sharp crack from behind you and those thoughts are replaced with just blinding pain. Searing hot and focused all in the shape of Joel Miller's hand-print on your right butt cheek. Shit. That fuckin’ huuuurts . Tears come to your eyes before you really even feel the pain. The sound his hand made on you was so loud it scared the tears right into your eyes before the pain had anything to really grip onto. 
It’s gripping. Ooooh boy is it gripping. Joel’s hand rubs over the spot he just smacked and it…just keeps hurting. He is cooing to you though and the nice, and sexy things he says kinda make you feel a little better. And what he’s doing with his other hand makes you almost forget about the pain immediately. He pushes three fingers into you. Definitely more than you’ve had before. You’ve never felt so stretched and full. You can’t hold back your gasps and whimpers as he twists his fingers around inside you. 
“Yeahhh lil girl. Did so good. Didn’t even make a sound.” Joel praises you over and over. “So fuckn’ good. You did so good. I’m so fuckin’ impressed. Fuckin’ perfect.” He sounds genuine and also very excited. “You like all these fingers inside you?” Joel whispers. “Don’t forget.. I wanna hear you, lil girl.” He pushes his extremities deeper into you and continues to twist them in both directions. Stretching you.   
“Yesss...” You hiss loudly between clenched teeth. You shut your eyes as his fingers work in and out of your channel quickly. You gasp and moan softly at him inside you. His fingers are still thrusting, but also twisting inside you slowly as he pumps in and out of you. He fingers you gently for a moment, getting you used to the size and thickness of his extra finger. Once he feels less resistance and hears your whimpers turning to moan is when he starts to really thrust— pummel you with almost his whole hand it feels like.. “Oh god. Oohh fuuuck.” You groan and grip his shin and drop the other hand to the floor. “Oohhhh fuuuck, Daddy.” You moan loudly. Joel never stops, his fingers move so fast and he’s angling them down just a little to rub the pads of his fingers over your spot each time. 
“Who’s yer’ Daddy?” Joel growls down to you, the hand on your lower back sliding down to your left ass cheek to pull it apart. He spits directly onto your asshole and one rough calloused tip massages his saliva against it gently. There is no pressure against your second hole at all, just a gentle rubbing. 
“You are, old man. ” You cry out as he brings you closer to rapture and good blinding white lights behind your eyes. You want it so bad. “Please please make me come. I wanna gush on you so bad.” You’re begging so hastily. “ Pleasepleasplease .” It’s strained coming out of you. 
“Whenever you want, lil girl. Let go n’ gush all over. Make a mess. I love t'see it.” He’s speaking so encouragingly. “Just say my name when you come… like a good girl.” His fingers are going to send you there, it’s happening and he’s chuckling before you even do it. Your walls are clenching him– trying to keep him inside of you on that perfect little spot. You need just a little more. You clench your eyes now because you can– he can’t see you. 
You explode. The most powerful gush yet, maybe. You cannot say his name. You cannot even think of anything besides how to breathe. You’re also attempting to crawl off his lap like this isn’t the most incredible feeling you’ve ever experienced. Mind shattering. No white lights. It’s just silent in your head for thirty seconds and you are crying. Sobbing on his lap and you hope that everyone experiences bliss like that in their lives. 
Joel eases his fingers out of you and whistles. 
“You okay there?” He asks your sobbing, crumpled form on his lap. “It hurt? S’why yer’ cryin’?” He’s so nervous. This man probably feels like he is walking through a minefield when he is with you.
“N-N-No. It’s s-s-s-sooo good.” You stutter and then with much grace and much agility, you stand off his lap and stare at him. 
"Ohhhh lil crybaby likes getting finger fucked by Daddy? So good, it makes her cry?" He croons to you, chuckling. "I like makin' you cry like that. Gon don' do it more often." 
“You’ll do that every t-time you s-spank me?” You hold a pinky finger out to him like a literal child and he chuckles and hooks his pinky with yours. 
“Every time, lil girl. Let’s go get you a surprise.”
If Joel is going to do this kind of stuff with you when he’s done spanking you… you’ll let him do way worse. Soooo much worse. He gets you an overpriced iced coffee and doesn’t even bitch about it. You are bitching about how bad your ass hurts in the passenger seat though. So that’s probably why he doesn’t say anything. Then he takes you to the mall. A place you haven’t been in so long because you don’t really need to stop. You loved shopping in Jersey but… it doesn’t feel the same down here. Spending money doesn’t make you happy the way it used to. 
Watching Joel happily and willingly spend his money on you is making you happy though, and you never cared about this shit before. Honestly, none of the guys you ever talked to before could do this… just… treat you? All the time? You didn’t even really want him to spend his money on you. His time and him holding your hand around the mall was literally more than enough. So much more. 
“I like these.” Joel speaks very quietly and it almost doesn’t look like he’s talking at all.
“Do you even want to be in here? You can go look at whatever guys look at in the mall while I buy this stuff.” You whisper back to him, because you’re not trying to embarrass him in Victoria’s Secret. He does not look like he wants to be in here though. He actually looks like he might be blushing a little as he eyes people walking by— they’re not even paying attention to him. No one is looking at either of you. 
“I like bein’ involved.” Joel snaps softly and innocently. He is embarrassed though. 
“Did you never come in here with your ex or buy stuff for her?” You question back in a whisper. 
“No. I ain’t have money to do all this back then. Hell no. She didn’t fuckin’ deserve all this anyway.” He whispers directly into your ear so no one will hear that. 
“Okay!” You whisper. “Which ones did you like?” You look down and he has his finger already pointed at a black lace pair. “Is that your favorite color?” You ask softly and look up at him. He’s shaking his head no and then nods down back to the table of sexy underwear. Now he’s pointing to a cheeky cotton pair that are very plain but they're hunter green.
“That.” He says sharply but again, innocently. He’s on edge, poor old man. You grab both pairs he pointed out and go to walk away but he snatches you by the elbow and pulls you back. “Get more.” He urges and points to another pair. Hot pink. So pink and so bright. “Those.” He whispers again, directly into your ear. And then he’s pointing to all different colors and styles. You get six more pairs and then he’s pulling you further into the store…the sexy side of the store.
“You involved in the process for this too or this all me?” You smirk up at him and his fingers pinch at your side softly. 
“You liked that lil blue thang or…you want somethin’ else” Joel is still whispering but his eyebrows are raised curiously. 
“Well…it’s more for you—”
“Oh naw it isn’t… I want you t’feel pretty n’ sexy. Whatchya like? What makes y’feel sexy, lil girl?” His voice and breath in your ear makes you shiver. That lil sexy blue thang did make you feel sexy. It did. You grab something that is similar in black. The only other color they have is white and you… dunno. Don’t like it. 
“Okay.” You smile up at him very happily and hold all your things in your hand. Joel looks around briefly and points with just his finger– his hand is still down by his side when he points. 
“That one.” He whispers and you follow his gaze and then his fingers and he’s pointing to a white babydoll style corset top with a flowy tulle skirt– also white and very see through. It comes with a matching thong. Not something you would pick out…but he seems to like it so, you grab one and are done spending his money now. 
You think.
Joel is driving towards your house but then he turns left when he should turn right. You furrow your brows when he does that but he smirks like he know what he’s doing and where he is going. 
“What’re you up to?” You give him genuine confusion because he’s been so quiet since you left the mall. You kinda have too. You have an excuse though. You’re hungover and also, buttcheek. It still hurts. You might have to ice it. 
“Don’ worry ‘bout it.” Joel shakes his head at you, but he does offer you his big, perfect hand to hold. You accept it happily and just shut up. Happy to be here. Along for whatever he’s gotta do today. You have a little headache, but…it’ll be fine. You’ll nap when you get home.
“Whaddya gotta get here?” You ask nosily. What new electronic could he need. He had a giant fucking TV and a nice sound system at his house. A nice TV in his room too. He lifts his ass a little and reaches into his back pocket. Joel pulls out his wallet, opens it up and hands you his card. 
“Nothin’...but you do.” He narrows his eyes on yours and smirks. You pinch your brows together in confusion. 
“Huh? I dunno what you want in there. I’m not getting the wrong thing just for you to have to go in there with me, return what I got, and then pick out the right one. Come in.’ You hand his card back him but he doesn’t take it. 
“I’m gonna roll us a lil somethin’. I don’t need nothin’. Go get yer’self somethin’. You deserve it. I was an asshole.” He sighs loudly. “Should’a called you that night n’ told you how I was feelin’. N’ I didn’t. I wasn’t gonna call you again…” Joel admits quietly. “Then I saw ya at the store.. N’... I dunno…” He trails off and looks like he has more to say. But he just sucks his teeth and then nods his head towards the store. “Go get yer’ lil computer.” Joel leans in over the console and waits for you to lean in as well. 
“You sure?” You blink at him and he nods. 
“I am.” He is still waiting for you to kiss him. You lean forward and he tangles his fingers in your hair on either side of your head and holds you and inch away. Your eyes scan trace along each others faces for second before he speaks. “Claimin’ you right now. Don’t give yer’ number out ‘cause yer’ nervous that I don’t like ya. I do. Shut up. Go get yer’ computer… n’ then lets go relax a lil. You can give me a lil fashion show…then I wanna do somethin’ else witchya.” Joel grins. “Go.” 
You go to grab your purse because… you’re not going to use his card. You have money. More money now that he paid for you window to the truck. You’re not going to tell him that you’re going to pay. It’ll be a lil trick and then he can do nothing about it. Ha. You’ll already have the computer. And he will have his card back.
You open the door and Joel whistles sharply at you. Not a sexy whistle. An attention grabbing whistle. You snap your head to him and he has his hand out. You look down at it and then back up at him. 
“What?” You blink at him and his open, empty hand. 
“Wallet– leave the whole purse— you can take yer’ ID but, leave everything else.” Joel is smirking at you now. “I’m not that big n’ dumb.” 
“You don’t need to buy me a computer. You paid for my window. That’s enough.” You put his card back in his hand and he rolls his eyes and opens his door. 
“Let’s go. Makin’ it fuckin' difficult. Must wanna ‘nother fuckin' spankin’ on the other side when we get home.” Joel mumbles to himself but he doesn’t sound mad or anything. He’s teasing you. You’re learnin’ him. Figurin’ his scowling ass out. Kinda nice, actually. 
You are floating into the electronics store. Absolutely floating. He likes you? Claiming you? No one’s ever…claimed you before and it’s hot. So hot. Why is Joel so hot? It’s not fair. It really isn’t. Now he wants to buy you a new computer. He is holding your freaking hand again in public with so many people around. 
“Get whatever you want. I don’t care.” Joel mocks annoyance as you look for a computer but he squeezes your hand when he does it. You get the same one you had. It was perfect and you loved it and don’t need a different one. 
As soon as you get in the car and put your computer in the backseat you’re crawling into his lap over the console and straddling him. Kissing him, smothering him because he is perfect. Joel runs his hands along your back and ass and squeezes you. Deep kissing, such deep desperate kisses that flick and tease every inch of your mouth. They make you dizzy. 
Joel is the one to pull away but it’s so he can tilt your head to the side with his gentleness and kiss along your jaw and under your chin and down your neck. 
“Thank you.” You pant as he kisses down into your exposed cleavage as far as he can until your shirt and breasts won't let him. He groans in frustration and his hands leave your ass and he uses one to grab at the neckline of your shirt. He glances around in every direction and there’s no one around. A lot of cars but no bodies… yet. His fingers worm their way into your bra and then he pulls down and exposes you to him and anyone else in the parking lot who could possibly come out of a store and see this monstrosity. 
Neither of you care as he wraps his mouth around your hardening bud and nibbles down on it gently and looks up at you as you stare down at him. His tongue flicks at it between his teeth until he makes you moan– then he smirks and sucks it into his mouth as it ungulates the flat of his tongue along it slowly while applying suction. He makes you moan again. He does that until your hips start to move on his– your back accidentally presses into the horn on the steering wheel and honks loudly until you pull away. You both jump and then he pulls away from you with a loud, wet sucking sound. 
“Get offa me you horny Bird. Jeesus.” He lets your shirt go and is pushing you off his body and into your own seat. “Gonna get us arrested. Public indecency.” He’s smirking when he says it and also adjusting his jeans near his groin because he’s a lil tight down there now.
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Back at the house Joel is sitting in just his boxers on the bed, smoking– which…sonofabitch it shouldn’t be hot, but it kind of is… A lot. A lot hot. Shit. You’re in the bathroom with all your new sexy panties but you’re not trying them on. No. You’re in that sexy black lace getup with a pair of black thigh highs that came with it and that fucking belt. This one took so long to get hooked into the god forsaken stockings. You’re fine now though– all hooked and strapped and tied in. He better not fucking rip this thing. 
You take a deep breath and open the door. Joel is waiting for you and he likes what he sees. He was already teasing himself through his boxers when you went into the bathroom and now as you’re walking out, Joel holds the joint between his lips so he can free himself from his boxers and wrap his fist around it. 
“Spin.” It’s a soft spoken demand while his fist tugs at his hardening length. You spin slowly with your hands held out at your waist. He rumbles in his throat as you do. “Now…face the other way n’ bed over.” You’re smirking stupidly as he pulls his fist away from his hand to noisily spit into his hand and then he palms it over the head of his cock before he starts to stroke himself. You’re watching with your mouth hanging open like an idiot. “You like when I do this, huh?” He strokes himself more dramatically as you watch and nod your head. “I’ll give ya a show. Turn around, lil girl. Lemme see that ass.” He sighs softly as he squeezes at the base and slowly moves his fist upwards. 
You wanna look at it. You don’t wanna turn around. But you are and you're bending at the waist with your legs together so he can see you through the lace. Joel hums happily and then, for some reason you spread your legs slightly and snake your hand up your middle from between your legs over the lace, and trace the outline of your cunt for him. He inhales sharply. 
“Get over here.” Joel growls at you and you skip to the bed and crawl in next to him but he holds his hand up to stop you. “Listen– you ready?” He smirks at you. “Lay with your head down there…” He points to the end of the bed near the corner. “N’ then put one leg here.” He points to his legs. “N’ the other right here.” Now he taps your shoulder. “I know that was a lot n’ yer’ all distracted.” He smirks as your eyes flash quickly between his talking face and him jerking his hard cock slowly– pacing himself. 
The position he wants you in leaves your lace covered pussy completely exposed to him but he’s not putting anything inside you. Joel just wants to touch your pussy through the lace. Right over the outside of it is gentle and sometimes his hand will rub your inner thigh. You’re up on your elbows watching him worship you. And he loves to talk. Loves to speak and make you hear him. He wants you to speak back to him when he prompts you. He's teaching you...
“Yer’ gonna ride this hard cock soon, you excited?” He growls as he rubs the pads of his fingers along the lace. You can feel the heat of him through the delicate, barely-there fabric. 
“Yes, Daddy.” You bat your eyelashes at him and nod. He grunts soft and pushes his hips up into his fist. 
“Can’t wait to feel how fuckin’ tight you are, baby. Fuck.” Joel’s eyes flick between yours and what his hand is doing to your hidden cunt lips. “Yer’ gonna be s’fuckin’ tight.” You don’t know why he sounds angry…it doesn’t bother you anymore. It’s just…Joel. And that’s fine. He’s not angry at you. You know this now, so, you don’t care. 
“I can’t wait to feel you inside me– feel your big cock stretching me.” You purr to him and he moans softly. 
“Don’t I fuckin’ know it.” Joel holds up his fingers and they’re glistening. “Yer’ fuckin’ leakin’ like a slutty lil thing...but you ain't.” He chuckles and pushes his fingers back against your pussy. “S’fuckin’ hot. Put my hard cock in you while you wear this. Gonna make this my pussy soon. Claim it.” Joel says it like he’s thinking about doing it but he stays still and his hand just moves on him faster. “Say yer’ a good girl.” Joel whispers to you. 
“I’m a good girl, old man. You don’t think I am?” You pout at him and run two of your fingers over one of your nipples through the cup of the lace bra. “I’m a very good girl.” You bite your bottom lip now and try to hide a smirk as his body jerks softly to this statement and his hand pumps up and down on him with more meaning and now his hips are moving slightly as he touches himself listening to your voice. 
“Y’like t’be bad though, right?” Joel pushes down on your clit gently and smirks. You nod and sigh softly. 
“I love bein’ bad with you, Mr. Miller.” You coo to him. “Love when you touch me n’ make me say naughty things.” You whisper it now and Joel is watching your mouth move, rubbing his fingers gently against your bundle over the lace. He wants to come, maybe needs to. He’s doing everything to himself and you just get to watch? “I love looking at your hard cock.” You mewl to him and his stomach clenches softly. 
“Don’t stop. K-Keep talkin’.” He stammers over his pleasure and it’s immaculate watching his strong arms flex as he strokes himself vigorously. "How bad, baby?" His body is twitching and clenching uncontrollably and now his hand grips at the meat on your inner thigh in not the most flattering way, but he loves it. “S–so fuckin’ soft.” 
“You like my soft skin, Daddy?” You purr and put one hand over your pussy and mimic what he had been doing, rubbing just around the outside. “You excited to come in my soft, tight pussy, old man?” You grin as he groans while you speak. Then Joel paints his chest and stomach with ropes of white. He groans loudly and deeply through his orgasm, puffing air out of flared nostrils heavily as he milks his cock slowly, the almost purple tip of him disappears within his fist and he covers his palm and fingers in his release. He drags his fist back down the length, smearing it down his shaft as he continues to thrust through the release. 
“Fuck.” He spits it out and lets his head fall back against the pillows he set up for himself. “Holy fuck.” His eyes are closed and he’s breathing so heavily. 
“Does… okay… be honest with me.” You ask with all of your breath, because you didn’t just come. He is sitting there with his eyes closed, listening to fast talk with his own release on his hand, stomach and chest. “Does it feel better when you do that…or when I’m on top of you?” You stare at him awaiting a response. 
“Uh.. I dunno. Feels… uh…different.” Joel answers in between deep breathing. 
“Like a better different or a weird different?” You ask casually, tipping your head from one side to the other. 
“Not weird different. Not better either.” Joel shakes his head but his eyes are still closed. “Stronger.” Joel says after a minute. 
“When you do it.” You make a statement because it is not a question. He came… so hard when he did that to himself. He didn’t come that hard the two times you did what you do on him— the moving and grinding. 
“Uh.. yeah. Kinda.” Joel isn’t looking at you. “S’not a bad thing—”
“I didn’t say it was!” You exclaim. “I’d just rather see you come like that.” You nod your head even though he isn’t looking at you. “Fuckin’ hiding it in your boxers. Lemme see that shit.”
"Yer' gonna let me come inside you?" Joel flicks his eyebrows up. "Really make that pussy mine when I fuck you? Or jus' talkin'?" Joel asks with his eyes still closed. You don't respond. Not with words.
You sit up and take his hand in yours and drag your tongue along the back of his and and run it between his fingers. This makes him open his eyes. Now he’s smirking watching your tongue clean up every drop he spilled. Off his soft stomach and his strong and broad chest. 
You’re going to do this. You’re right here and it's going to happen. Okay. 
You lean forward and Joel is waiting. He’s right there, leaning in to kiss you. Once your lips touch, he opens his mouth and parts your lips with his. It’s messy and starts to drip down out of the corners of your mouth as he swirls his tongue around with yours. His release and your saliva mixture coating each other's tongues. You feel it dripping down your chin and your neck as he deepens the kiss and you pass what you had just licked off of him…back to him. He is huffing through his nose heavily while you do this.
It is really fucking hot and messy. Sticky. Without breaking the kiss, Joel moves to hover over you, laying you back down on the bed and now with gravity on his side, he transfers it all back to you. He pulls away and looks down at you, his lips are shiny and wet-- sticky.
“Swallow it.” He stares down at you as he licks his bottom lip. You do and watch as leans into you and now with your empty mouth you can kiss and lick and suck any access off of him. “Good fuckin’ girl. Perfect.”
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THIS IS MY WARNING TO ALL OF YOU INVESTED RIGHT NOW: I WRITE MEN GOOD, I DON'T ALWAYS WRITE GOOD MEN, OKAY?
That being said, Joel isn't really a bad guy-- just doesn't fuckin' know. Okay? Is he a little toxic? Sure. Is that not great? SURE.
Do I love it!? HELL YES.
tag list: @immyowndefender @korikolove @untamedheart81 @fanficlover1414, @creepycorbeaux @ohmillerbaby @rosebuds-and-moonlight @harriedandharassed (you'll have to read the other chapters, but I'm tagging you anyway)
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duchessonfire · 2 days ago
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Savior Carl!AU re-read Part 1 Chapter 2
Follow-up of my re-read of Part 1 Chapter 1. If you're not interested and don't want to have your dashboard spammed, you can block the tags Duchess reads and Savior Carl AU reread.
Commentary for Part 1, Ch 2 below the cut (spoilers for part 1 ahead):
Chapter 2 here we go. Let's count how many times Negan calls Carl 'mine' in this chapter, shall we?
“I gotta say, kid, I am impressed. You guys were like a two-man army down there.” His eyes settle on Carl’s arm, resting limp at his side. “Come on. We got a long road back before you can get looked at by the doc.” “I’m fine,” Carl hisses, irked at being treated like he’s helpless. Didn’t he just demonstrate that he knows how to handle himself, while all these assholes stood with their guns and watched? “It’s just dislocated. Shane can pop it back; he’s done it before.” Negan smiles, and there is nothing nice about it. “I’m sure he has, kid. And I’m sure I’d love to see you take it like a champ, all dry eyes and gritted teeth. But you belong to me, now. And I take care of what’s mine. So there will be no half-assed, amateur bone-setting job done in the middle of fucking nowhere. We’ll ride back and you’ll go to the doc. Period.”
And that's count 1 already!! I love this moment because this is Negan staking his claim over Carl from the get-go. Not only that, but you can also see through the subtext the subtle way in which Negan is already driving a wedge between Carl and Shane, by demeaning Shane's ability to care for Carl (Negan praised Shane's skills a moment before but now he's calling him an amateur and someone who does a half-assed job) while insisting that he's better at caring for Carl and his wellbeing than Shane is.
Carl looks at Negan defiantly, and the man holds his gaze with a knowing smirk, daring him to contradict him. He turns Lucille’s handle between his gloved fingers in a gesture that Carl can only define as eager. “Fine,” Carl mutters, lowering his eyes, and he knows instantly that it’s going to be like that from now on. No matter how much he tries to fight Negan, it’s always going to end like that: with Carl standing down, humiliated and ashamed. “Attaboy,” Negan murmurs, as he turns around, walking back toward the cars with a lazy sway of his hips. “Let’s get this show on the road! I’ve got a bed and a whole line of wives waiting for me.”
Wow, Negan. You've made things real sexual suddenly. I wonder why that is? Maybe because Carl just willingly submitted to you? Because you're maybe imagining *him* in your bed? In your harem with the rest of your wives? Hmm? Just a thought.
"He’s right, you know? That sister of yours is perfectly safe in Alexandria. I know you and I didn’t get off on the greatest of start, what with me beating the living fuck out of your friends in that clearing, but you can trust me on this. We have a code. We don’t rape and we don’t let anything happen to kids.” Carl scoffs and Negan turns his head toward him, eyes narrowed. “What? You’ve seen anything here to make you believe otherwise? Do you see anyone going hungry? Any kid being abused or terrorized? No. Because we don’t do that kind of shit here. And honestly, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere that let that sort of shit fly. We save people. We saved your dad, and we saved your town, and we saved your sister, and we saved you. As long as I’m standing, nothing’s gonna happen to her. I can promise you that.” He stays silent for a few moments, watching Carl pensively, letting his words sink in.
This chapter is very much about Negan explaining how the Sanctuary works to Carl, laying down the rules and trying to convince him that his system is sound. Negan is trying very hard to get Carl on board, to win him to his cause.
Negan’s lips stretch into a slow grin, like he’s been following every single one of Carl’s thoughts and he can see the exact moment Carl reaches the conclusion he's laid out for him. He bumps the head of his bat on top of Carl’s shoulder, right where Shane’s hand was a few moments ago, before walking away.
This may seem like nothing but this is such an important moment in the story. Negan is already trying to drive a wedge between Carl and Shane because he wants to replace Shane. There are several times throughout the story when Negan puts the bat right where Shane touched Carl, another way for Negan to stake a claim, to assert his territory over Carl, and this is one of them.
“I hear you haven’t been eating.” Carl frowns from where he’s been sitting on the metal steps of the parking lot, watching the morbid spectacle of walkers attached to the fences. He’s dreamed of his mother, and of Carol, of Maggie and Sophia, and spent all day in an exhausted daze, unable to fully shake himself awake. Now, in the quiet of the dusk, the evening breeze clearing away the scent of rotting walkers, he just wants to be by himself. When it becomes clear that Negan isn’t going anywhere, he knows he has to answer. “I eat,” he mumbles, staring resolutely ahead. He doesn’t want to give Negan the privilege of his attention. “Cut the bullshit. I’m not talking about all the canned crap in your room. I mean the good shit from the market. No one’s seen you there.”
This scene is so important in many aspects and yet Carl doesn't realize it. Negan has been watching him. Not just watching him the way a leader watches a former enemy that has now joined his rank, but actually watching out for his wellbeing. Negan has probably spies all over Sanctuary whose role is to watch Carl and report his every move to Negan. Everything from where he goes to what he eats. And when Negan finds Carl's eating habits lacking, he goes through the trouble of talking to Carl about it. There's a definite paternal side to Negan that really shows here, in his concern for Carl's health. Also, I like to think this might also be the educator in Negan, who maybe used to watch the kids under his care at school and make sure that they fit in, that they have friends and that they eat during lunch break.
“You mean the food that other people produce for you but can’t afford to eat themselves?” It was supposed to be a sly barb but Negan just scoffs like Carl’s stupider than he thought: “I’m sorry, kid, maybe you forgot how the world was back when you were still shitting in diapers, but that has literally always been how things work. Welcome to capitalism 101. Some people get a lot, some people get the scraps. Even when your mommy and daddy were taking you out for pancakes on Sunday, someone back in the kitchen was getting fucked in the ass by the minimum wage system. So don’t act like I’m the big bad guy here and just go eat something. You’re a Savior, you help keep this place safe. You’ve earned it. Now go take it.”
Like I said, this chapter is all about Negan explaining how Sanctuary works to Carl, and here he's defending the system he put in place. As unpopular an opinion as it might be, Negan is right. His system is no more unfair than the world before was, which is directly where Negan is taking his inspiration. Like he says to Gabriel in canon, "it's an economy" and a very capitalist one at that. It's not the utopia that Rick or Ezekiel are building, but it is a working system, one that apparently worked well enough for Negan to still have support even when he's in the cell after losing the war.
“I’m fine,” he grits. An all-too familiar weight settles on Carl’s shoulder and he instantly straightens from his slouched position. He starts to turn his head toward Negan but has to stop when his hair gets tangled in the barbed points of the bat. “Good, I have your attention. Now, I’m hungry so why don’t you got to the market and get me some stuff for a sandwich. I’m thinking ham, mustard and tomatoes on rye. Throw in a couple of pickles too. The good home-made shit from number 42’s stall.”
I cannot begin to tell you guys how much I love the sandwich scene. Now that I'm looking at it almost four years later, it is still such a perfect scene to me. It's the first time Negan and Carl really go toe to toe and the first intimate (conflictual as it is) moment between them. So far Negan has kept his distance but now he's going in.
“Holy shit, kid. You’re still alive?!” That’s not his dad’s voice, Carl realizes confusedly. Not Shane’s voice either. He needs to find Shane. Where is he? Did he leave? Did he take baby Lori and leave like he always threatened to? “No,” he tries to say, but it feels like his tongue weighs a hundred pound inside his mouth. Even keeping his eyes open is starting to be unbearable. There is a dull pain throbbing in the right side of his face, and a sense of panic keeps pulling at the corner of his mind, though he can’t remember what that’s about. “Shhh, kid,” says the voice above him. “Don’t talk. Jesus fucking Christ, I can’t believe you’re still fucking alive.” Then, the voice starts booming furiously: “What are you all doing with your dicks hanging out? Get that murderous bitch in a cell and tell the doc we’re coming right the fuck now!” As if through a dark red fog, Carl registers that he is being lifted into the air, and he is further reminded of Christmas Eves spent by the tree, waiting to catch Santa Claus before his dad would carry him to bed. Distantly, he hears the voice panting urgently above him. “Hang on, kid. We’re almost there, just hang on.”
The scene where Carl loses his eye is also a huge favorite of mine for so many reasons. First of all is the fact that this is a pivotal scene in Carl and Negan's relationship. Before that, their dynamic was one of strictly unequal leader/soldier type relationship. But now, suddenly, there's a link between them, an intimacy created by the fact that Carl saved Negan's life. I don't think a lot of people have saved Negan in the past. Lucille, when she shot the walker outside their house, as well as Laura's father when he fed Negan and gave him medicine in the "Here's Negan" episode. Those are probably the last people who saved Negan's life. Everything after that was ruthless survival on Negan's part, saving himself and others through sheer wit and force of will. And yet, here's Carl, an 18yo kid who just did what no one else would have: sacrificed himself to save Negan. This is the moment that changes everything and nothing will be the same after that.
“I gotta say, I knew you were special from the start. Kids your age, in a world like this, they are either scared shitless of their own shadows or they turn into full-blown sadistic ghouls, killing everything that moves just because they can. But not you. You, you know what’s at stakes. You’ve killed and you don’t shy away from it. You don’t enjoy it either, but you get the job done because you know that sometimes, in order to save people, you gotta kill people. And I respect the shit out of that.” He scratches his beard while looking at Carl pensively. “Your step-dad is lucky to have you, kid. This whole place is lucky to have you. ‘Cause you may think that I’m bad, but let me tell you: if I wasn’t here to run the show, you’d know what bad really is. This place is a fucking zoo and I’m the one keeping all the animals fed and locked up. The minute I stop being in charge, everything here falls apart and it goes back to being a goddamn free-for-all. And I mean it literally. People will be slaughtering each other in the blink of an eye without daddy here to keep the peace. So you didn’t just save my life, kid. You saved the life of every single person here as well. Remember that.”
This is another instance of Negan explaining the Sanctuary to Carl, though this time he explains his own role in it, how, by being at the top of the pyramid, he prevents chaos and violence from spreading below. This is also the first time that Negan talks to Carl as an equal instead of an underling, telling him that he can see Carl's potential, how he doesn't shy away from violence but also isn't enjoying it. This is the first time that Negan tells Carl he respects him and that he sees him as someone who could be more than a footsoldier but, possibly, one day, more of an equal, someone who shares Negan's vision and might rule by his side.
“Still, I now have four job openings. Five, if I count the time you’re gonna spend recovering. I’ll offer her to fill one out. Get her the same deal I gave you and Shane. She becomes one of us, all is forgiven.” “She’ll never go for it,” Carl warns. He knows how headstrong Rosita is, how devastated she was after what happened to Abraham. How much she loathes Negan and the Saviors. Negan shrugs as he walks toward the door. “Then she’ll die. Like I said, I don’t let people fuck with what’s mine.”
Second count of Negan calling Carl "mine" in just one chapter, and the story hasn't even turned shippy yet. Negan, your crush is so very obvious...
Conclusion; tldr: This chapter is all about Carl and Negan. It's about Negan watching Carl and Carl watching Negan in turn, the both of them assessing the other, testing the boundary of this new leader/soldier relationship. But more than that, it's also Negan reaching a hand out to Carl, showing him all he can offer (power, comfort, luxury) if Carl just submits to him. Negan is explaining to Carl how the Sanctuary works, defending the system he put in place to him so Carl will see Negan's vision and, hopefully, share in it. But when Rosita tries to kill Negan and Carl saves his life, it's also the beginning of a more personal relationship. Negan watches what Carl eats, watches him sleep in the infirmary, and is genuinely concerned about Carl's wellbeing. Negan has the biggest crush on the planet and he isn't even aware of it yet.
You can find my commentary for Part 1, Ch 3 here.
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maydainsula · 10 months ago
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The light now poured out of the doorway along with the final words of Rick Astley's “Never Gonna Give You Up.” In that door stood a small person […] so full of “fuck the world” energy that there was absolutely no one else it could possibly have been.
-Hank Green, A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor, 2020
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heartorbit · 6 months ago
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find another role, carry on the show
#EDIT IT DIDNT SAVE MY TAGS. hey so this post got a thousand notes huh. interesting. surely nothing will change#i'll leave all the old tags. for my thought process. and its kinda funny#take a bow stupid idiot (throws a tomato at them)#in stars and time#isat#siffrin#siffrin no middle names no last name ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧#... or is it. Smiles#i'd like to draw mira for her birthday but um (hasnt open artfight website in a few days) im scared.#also i have NICE ASKS TO ANSWER.... But im scared. give me a minute#Uawaaaaagh i drew this bc i was trying to animate a little bit but it just . Didnt look good. im not good ag 2d animation#tch. ill keep trying cause there ar e way too many songs that and now about isat because i have brain worms. i need amvs.#IM SCARED TO POST THINGS THAT ARE SPOILERY BECAUSE I WANT MY FRIENDS TO PLAY ISAT. BUT.#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sasasap#sasasa:p#WHAT IS THE PROLOGUES TAG.#tshirt that says 'i <3 killing the image in the mirror and taking its place' on the fromt#and a list of megan thee stallions tour dates on the back. お金稼ぐ俺らはスター#Im kind of tempted to edit this to be the versiom with the eyes. or maybe twt can have that. or. well#all of my friends are on twt (trombone slide sfx) so maybe thats where i should worry about spoilers.#ill see if i want to slap an eyepatch on them in the morning#Im one of those people who was like idgaf about twohats (lets it simmer for a week) Oh my god. Oh my god. Ohmy god#EDIT. i swapped it out for the Eyes version it should be fine as long as its tagged formspoilers right...#ill post eyepatch vers on twt partly bc spoilers but also ppl over there can be .. annoying ..... ....#i fear i would get 800 You Forgot The Eyepatch replies. PLEASE JUST SEE MY VISION.#[BANGING MY HANDS ON THE GLASS] HIS HAND. LIKE IN THE PROLOGUE. WHEN THEYE. HANDS. HELD[EXPLOSION
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lucabyte · 9 months ago
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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sharkylass · 2 months ago
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SPOILERS: ACT 6 ENCOUNTER, POST GAME
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More about their time on the roof. They're okay I promise <:]
I just think that while Isa was so passionate about fashion and designing and stuff-
Roboro has been in the loops for so long it kind of... forgot how to do it. And Euphrasie is the one who taught Mirabelle how to sew so-
It just made sense to have her help them a little.
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cowardlykrow · 5 months ago
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"That is where you are wrong, my boy!"
@ratb4stard3 and I deliver another Cowardlyghostbro's(™) collab ✨💛
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sysig · 8 months ago
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Blood sugar levels (Patreon)
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gumdefense · 30 days ago
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Just for once I wish Phoenix was the one in danger to Maya’s panic
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shima-draws · 1 year ago
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Still going through it emotionally btw. I've seen a lot of character death in anime but it's been a WHILE since I've seen one as brutal as Ace's, especially bc of Luffy's reaction to it. Character death isn't unusual but the trauma and PTSD that comes after it isn't really shown that often so Oda actually showing Luffy going through it is. Oof. That shit HURTS bro. And the fact that Luffy's immediate reaction is to just. Self destruct. To hurt himself and risk his own life?? Like it was never explicitly said but I could see the suicidal intent there and jesus CHRIST. Just sitting there watching him refuse to accept it and then mourn and grieve was absolutely brutal;; Not to mention the fact that like. We can see him having PTSD flashbacks. It was just written very well (too well bc I'm still a goddamn mess) and I gotta commend Oda even tho he's putting me through the fucking wringer
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luck-of-the-drawings · 4 months ago
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OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
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redrobin-detective · 1 year ago
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Something I wonder about Simon and Betty's relationship is how long they were together before the whole crown ordeal. But they were engaged, you say. My aunt (in)famously met my uncle and had a ring on her finger in 8 weeks. We've seen that both Betty and Simon were both weird outcasts, crazy determined and a pinch insane. I would not be surprised if they decided they'd met their one true love and got engaged super quick.
My point being, Betty's shifting to revolve around Simon and Simon's rose colored glasses of their relationship feels very much like New Love. They're people who love each other and love being a couple but still haven't quite figured out how to coexist together, as two people in a partnership. I feel like if they'd known each other longer, lived together longer, some of the issues we're seeing would have probably self resolved.
I don't think their relationship is toxic nor is it totally perfect. It's two lonely, most likely neurodivergent people in a relatively early relationship still figuring out how it works. Everything that happened afterwards: the crown, the seperation, the time travel, the magic/madness/sadness just exemplified issues they had both as individuals and as a couple.
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imagine if sif was having a period during the loops and didnt notice until after act 6
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daily 16.5: me and my stupid blinding looney tunes gender be like
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reachhforthestars · 10 days ago
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Sonic 3 spoilers!!! Talking about the mid credits scene/what people have been saying about it under the cut
feeling like the only one who doesnt want reverse sonamy for the movies </3
or more accurately, fine sonic can have an obvious crush on her but i dont want ‘reverse sonamy’ to mean ‘amy doesnt have a crush on sonic.’ she can be lowkey about it or whatever (like sonic is sometimes in the games/other media) but to me part of Who She Is is that shes this super cool, super strong, intelligent fighter but shes also still a young girl who has crushes and believes in fate and is guided by her compassion, not by her strength or her mission or her love of adventure.
shes such a good character because while she is physically strong and possibly slightly magic, those are equally as important as her love and compassion and care for the world and people around her. preserving amys girlhood is important to me like loving sonic isnt her single defining character trait bc she ‘has to have a crush on a guy’ but it is a main character trait because thats just who she is. a loving person who sees the good in the world and wants to protect it and loves sonic because she sees him as the embodiment of that
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emmavakarian-theirin · 2 months ago
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hi i'm being very normal about this regular dialogue
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bluebird-ascended · 8 months ago
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long suffering sigh
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