#The second book was truly killing me with how good the gay women scenes were. Like I know Hank Green is just some guy but he must have
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The light now poured out of the doorway along with the final words of Rick Astley's âNever Gonna Give You Up.â In that door stood a small person [âŚ] so full of âfuck the worldâ energy that there was absolutely no one else it could possibly have been.
-Hank Green, A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor, 2020
#An Absolutely Remarkable Thing#A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor#April May#I'm sooooooooo obsessed with this series I'm on my second read in a row lmao#Opal is really hard to draw?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!#This is spoilers but like there's no one in this tag it's fine#Anyway if anyone happens to see this PLEASE read this book series it's so good#I was literally like yelling flapping hyperventilating while reading it#It has everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gay women!!!! Commentary on humanity!!! Morally corrupt yet relatable main character!!#A monkey also!!!!!!#And Carly Rae Jepsen#The second book was truly killing me with how good the gay women scenes were. Like I know Hank Green is just some guy but he must have#gotten a LOT of feedback from gay women because the way their love was expressed in the second book was so ... complete#And it made me feel very happy (:
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What Mattered Most
Pairing: Dean/Cas Rating: Teen, for some profanity. Word Count: 6.1K Warnings: Pining, Internalized Homophobia Written For: Nickelâs Storytime On Ao3
Dean stormed into Crowleyâs office, despite the warnings from the overworked and underpaid assistant. He threw the copy of Rolling Stone he carried onto Crowleyâs desk and waited for his demon of an agent to get off his phone call.
âSeems I forgot about a meeting. A client just showed up at my office.â Crowley shot a smile in warning at Dean. âWeâll catch up soon. I want you to tell me all about this new talent of yours, Kipling. Until next time.â Crowley hung up the phone and picked up the magazine. âAh, yes. Thursday James. Apparently Countryâs brightest new star.â He tossed it back on his desk. âSo, to what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?â
âI want to come out,â Dean replied simply and plainly. âI have hidden for the past 15 years because you said my music wouldnât sell. Iâm done not being me, Iâm done hiding.â He pointed at the magazine. âHeâs been on the scene for six months, and he booked a Stones cover? It took me seven years, Crowley. Seven! They never put country artists on the front.â
Crowley sighed and picked up the magazine and stared at it for a few silent moments before dropping it back on his desk. âNo.â
âWhat the fucking hell!?â Deanâs arms shot out to the sides in exasperation before he pulled them back in, gripping his fingers on the chairback in front of him. âI have done everything you have ever asked of me, Crowley. I am just sick of living a damn lie.â
âSo, you want to be ridiculed and laughed out of the country music scene?â Crowley pushed himself to his feet and leaned forward. While Dean had several inches on him, Crowleyâs presence alone could cause most to back off. âYou have succeeded in this world because you pushed that life away. You have sold out arenas because you are what women want and what men aspire to be. Until you retire, you are the straight, all-American boy. Do you understand?â
âNo. I donât.â Dean stormed back to the doors and swung them open, exposing Sam and Charlie, his lawyer and PR person. âSo, I quit.â
âYou really want to throw away your, as you acknowledged, 15-year career because you canât hold hands with a man in public?â Crowley rolled his eyes as Sam and Charlie sat in the chairs across from him. âOh, for fuckâs sake, Dean. I have not led you wrong. I have not given you any bad advice.â
âYou did, 17 years ago, when you first found Dean,â Charlie spoke up.
âHe wasnât out then, and heâs not out now.â Crowley tilted his head and looked at Dean. âAre you?â
âNot yet.â Dean shook his head.
Sam sighed exasperatedly. âFor what itâs worth, Fergus, I did advise him to ask you differently. That being said, I donât disagree with my brother. Heâs done everything you asked. Itâs been 15 years, and clearly, the world has changed.â Sam pointed at the magazine on the desk. âThe world is in love with Thursday James. Heâs proven that being queer isnât a crime. And weâre not changing who Dean is. Weâre not asking for chaps and songs about rainbows. Weâre just asking you to let him be the person heâs hidden for 15 years. For you.â
âHe doesnât need a big coming-out party.â Crowley gestured at Dean. âIs there a person youâre interested in dating, Dean? Is that what this is? Go on a date. Youâre not restricted to going out solo or having beards anymore.â
âNot good enough.â Charlie tapped Sam on the shoulder and pointed down to his briefcase. âAs Deanâs lawyer and PR, weâre submitting an amendment to his contract, advising of itâs instant and final termination in regards to Article 2, Section 13.â
âA conflict of interest?â Crowley shook his head. âThis is not a conflict of interest. This is me trying to protect my client, which is my job as his manager.â
Sam pulled out the stack of paper and set it on top of the magazine. âItâs a clean cut. We pay you a lump sum that equals 13% of his projected income for the next five years, which is a current 5% more than you take right now. Dean comes off your roster instantly.â
Crowley picked up the papers and quickly flipped through. âI also give up my rights to royalty and merchandising profits. Why?â
âDidnât think you wanted to be associated with a gay country singer, Crowley.â Dean stood between Charlie and Sam, hands shoved in his pockets as he rocked back and forth from heel to toe. âFigured that 5% would make up for it.â
âDean. Listen to yourself. You really want to throw our partnership away?â Crowley was practically pleading with Dean. âWhy do you want to do this to your career?â
âCrowley, if my fans truly love me, I wonât lose them. And if anything, Iâm openly welcoming a whole group of potential fans who think theyâre not wanted. This is whatâs best for not only me but also for the future of Country.â
Crowley stood up straight and rubbed at his temples. âFine.â He handed the contract amendment back to Sam. âBelieve it or not, I do want you happy, Dean.â He turned to the petite redhead sitting with a giant smirk on her face. âIâm assuming youâve already started a plan?â
âYes, but thereâs one more thing.â Charlie pointed at Sam. âIt was your idea.â
âIn order to stay on as Deanâs manager, you will sign a different amendment. Iâm going to start the official paperwork. Once you and Charlie come to a full and equal agreement for Deanâs coming out, it will be added to the contract, and both you and Dean will sign it.â Sam opened his suitcase back up and slid the defunct amendment into it. âWe have an understanding, Fergus?â
âYes.â Crowley nodded as he sat in his chair. âI think this is the first time Iâve been outwitted by a client.â He leaned back, resting his hands on his stomach. âShall we begin, then?â
âŚ
Thursday James took a deep breath as he took a final bow for the crowd that had come out to see him. While he was excited that his career was taking off, he had never expected how exhausting it would be. He stepped off the stage and into the wings, where he was greeted by his manager and best friend, Balthazar.
âCassie! That was fantastic, as always!â Balthazar clapped his hand on Thursdayâs - Casâ - shoulder and led him back towards the dressing room. âYou simply wowed the hall.â
âIf you say so.â Cas slid off his mask, mindlessly playing with the fringe as Balthazar opened the door for him. He crossed over to his seat in front of the mirror and ran his hand down his face. âSo. To what do I owe this pleasure? I wasnât expecting you until St. Louis.â
âI am so very glad that you asked.â Balthazar crossed over to the sofa as Cas started his aftershow routine, beginning with the removal of his eye make-up. âWord of a fascinating tour came through the grapevine, and only a select handful of artists were invited.â
Cas perked up an eyebrow. âSo, either I was invited, or youâre trying to get them to bring me along.â
âYou were personally invited. By a Charlene Bradbury.â Casâ head whipped up, and he stared at Balthâs reflection in the mirror. âI see you remember that name.â
âCharlie?â Cas frowned and turned around and stared at Balthazar, mouth agape. âDoes she know?â
âDoubtful. Sia could learn a few lessons from you in hiding identity.â Balthazar leaned forward and clasped his hands together. His face turned serious. âLook, I understand the surprise, and I know Iâm going to be fighting to get a yes out of you...â
âDamn right, you are! Iâm not going on tour with Dean Winchester!â
âLet me finish, Cassie.â Balthazar tugged at his sleeves and fixed them before continuing. âDeanâs been a leader in the industry for 15 years. Heâd be exposing you to fellow musicians, new venues, and possibly new members for your staff. Maybe you could steal Charlie out from under him?â
Cas shook his head. âNot happening, Balth. I canât do it. He headlines arenas, heâs a damn star. Iâm...â Cas choked on his own words, unable to finish the sentence. âYou knew I would say no, why did you bring it up?â
âWell, for starters, it was 15 years ago. So why dwell on it? If you want him to know itâs you, you can show him that you outshone him in a matter of months.â Balthazar appeared to preen himself at those words. âBut thereâs an even bigger rumor involving the tour. Deanâs announcing something big.â
âHeâs going to be the first country artist in space?â Cas deadpanned.
Balthazar let himself laugh at that. âI honestly donât know. Charlie wouldnât spill any beans. But, the rumor is that heâs going to retire.â
âDeanâs 36. Not happening.â Cas shook his head. âHeâs got a lifetime ahead of him.â
âOkay, well the people who tour with him, get to find out first, and I am a nosy bastard, okay?â
âYouâre a bastard, alright.â Cas picked up the mask he had worn for the evening and started fidgeting with the fringe. âAnd youâre not winning me over for this tour.â
âFine. Rumor aside, here are the facts, from the devil herself. Itâs a short 10 stop tour. All of the venues are 4000 people or less, either on college campuses or at smaller theaters.â
âThatâs a huge step back for Dean.â Cas ran a hand through his hair and squinted at Balthazar. âI can see why retirement is a rumor associated with the tour.â
âThatâs not all. The first stop?â Balthazar paused and bit his bottom lip. âLied Center at KU.â
âHome?â
âŚ
Dean looked up from his notepad as Charlie entered the studio in the home he shared with her and Sam. âWhatâs up, Red?â
âI got the final tour line up.â She held up a notepad of her own before crossing over to sit next to Dean. âStill writing?â
âHe is.â Sam looked up from his desk. âAnd driving me crazy. Please get him to stop.â
âI changed my mind, Sam. Iâm not writing a brand new song. Iâm fixing an old one.â Dean turned to Charlie. âHit me.â
âWeâre going to go with four acts in total. First, a 20-minute set for your opener, a band coming out of hiatus, Tina & Her Pony. Second, We got Thursday James, which thereâs a big caveat, but I got him.â She stole a glance at Sam, who was glaring at her.
âSamâs going to kill you now, Iâm okay with this. Continue.â Dean half-joked before gesturing for her to continue.
âThursday is on for a 30-minute set. And, and, and! Brandi Carlile is on board, also for a 30-minute set assuming that yours is only 45. Sheâs got a hell of a negotiator on her team. Wonder if sheâs single.â
âBrandi, or her negotiator?â Sam leaned forward on his desk, chin resting on his knuckles.
âHer negotiator. That wit. That charm. Ugh. So unfair.â Charlie let out a little sigh before shaking it off and looking at Dean. âSo, did I do good?â
âYou did fantastic.â Dean set down his pen and paper before pulling Charlie into a hug. âSo, whatâs the caveat with Thursday James?â
Charlie winced. âShit, I was hoping youâd forget about that.â She flipped through her pad and pulled out two sheets of paper, handing one to Dean before getting up and taking the other to Sam. âItâs well known that Mr. James is private. I took the time to look up his previous riders. NDAs, no pictures unless heâs in a mask, pretty simple stuff. His agent - whoâs name sounds so familiar - sent over his âstandard riderâ and an amendment specific to this tour.â
âNo guest appearances during his set, no requesting him to come on during another personâs set, and no requesting to hang out after shows.â Sam started to rattle off what he was reading. âWhat the hell?â
âI asked Meg, Brandiâs negotiator, to let me know if she got the amendment as well. I know that Tina & Her Pony didnât get it as of yet, but Mr. Jamesâ manager may not have sent it to them yet.â Charlie shrugged. âIt is strange, but itâs not unheard of.â
âWell,â Dean shrugged, âif it gets him on tour with us, then Iâm happy to do it.â
Sam nodded. âI mean, itâs not a bad request. Iâve heard Siaâs rider is insane. Like, you canât even talk to her between sets.â
âAgoraphobiaâs a thing, Sam. Lighten up.â Dean swallowed hard, a brief memory from his past flashing through his mind. âCharles, they okay being on a tour thatâs literally called âThe Thanks for Coming Out Tour,â or do we have to change that?â
âI may not have mentioned that.â Charlie rubbed the back of her neck.
âWHAT!?â Dean and Sam cried out in unison.
Charlie held up her hands in defense. âLook, we donât want Deanâs announcement blown before he gets to make it himself, right?â She waited until Dean nodded. âIâm going to get Sam to write up an NDA for the name, then Deanâs going to announce it with the tour dates on his website in a video.â
âSo they donât get to know the name of the tour until they sign the NDA, and if they donât sign the NDA?â Sam questioned.
âThen, they can be replaced.â Charlie brushed it off. âBut after speaking with Meg and Mr. Jamesâ representative - why the fuck canât I remember his name? - It sounds like theyâre okay with it. I think they like knowing that theyâll be in on a rumor before the rest of the world.â
Dean stole a glance at his younger brother, who let out an exhausted sigh before speaking. âIâll leave you to your magic, Charlie. Youâve never led us astray before. Just tell me what I need to write up and get out for you.â
âŚ
âCassie!â Balthazar closed the door shut behind him and held up a folder. âThey accepted the terms of your rider with the NDAs and sent them over, signed. Charlieâs getting the rest of their crew to fill them out, and we should have them within 48 hours.â He flipped the folder open. âThey responded with a note: âWe fully honor the requests of Mr. Jamesâ privacy rider. However, if he finds himself in need of someone to speak to, Dean and his crew will be available.â How charming.â
âShut up, Balth.â Cas kicked his feet up. âIâm assuming they sent the dates over?â
âYes, and the rest of the lineup. Tina & Her Pony, you, Brandi Carlile, and Dean.â Balthazar pulled out a paper and handed it to Cas. âThereâs also an NDA for you and I to sign. They donât want the tourâs name to go public until Dean announces it, but they want to make sure weâre okay touring under it.â
Cas looked up from the paper. âIâm assuming you already signed for me?â
âOf course, Cassie.â Balthazar sat down and rested his ankle on his knee. âIt adds weight to the retiring theory. âThe Thanks for Coming Out Tour.ââ
Cas chuckled. âOne can only hope. I realized that the longer weâre in the industry together, the harder it will be to hide my identity from him.â
âThere is that, yes.â
âYou still think I should just tell him.â Cas crossed his arms over his chest and slouched down in his chair. âI canât do that, Balth. I didnât work my ass off for my career to spite him.â
âYou can tell that to the people who donât know you better, Cassie.â
âIf I wanted to spite him, Iâd be going by Castiel Novak, not Thursday James. I would show my face and not hide behind a mask. This has always been for me, Balth. I did this. For me.â Cas hung his head. âHe wouldnât care how hard I worked anyway.â
Balthazar pushed himself out of his seat and crossed to Cas before crouching down in front of him. âI canât pretend to know what happened, Cassie. But when you two went your separate ways? I still believe a little piece of him died.â
âYouâre right. You donât know what happened. And as much as I love you? As much as Iâm thankful every day that youâre my manager, my cousin, and my best friend? You do not and will not ever know.â Cas wiped a tear away. âIâm starting to think this was a mistake.â
âItâs not too late for us to back out. Iâve been informed that there are acts dying to fill the spots for this tour.â Balthazar rested a hand on Casâ knee and squeezed gently. âIf you want me to go cancel, Iâll do it in a heartbeat.â
Cas shook his head. âWeâve already signed a million and two pieces of paper, and put in the request to have the riders printed. I got through most of the autographed merch pile...â Cas looked at Balthazar. âAs long as he honors the NDAs and riders, I can get through this. Itâs ten stops. And if weâre lucky, heâs retiring.â
âAre you taking off the mask the day of or the day after he announces his retirement?â Balthazar smiled, clearly trying to get Cas to laugh. âWe can throw a huge party announcing your real identity.â
âWell, if he announces it at KU like you think he is, then I have to wait for an additional nine more tour stops.â Cas attempted to return his cousinâs mirth. âBut, I will say that Iâve gotten attached to the name Thursday James.â
âThen, we do an interview with the highest bidder to get an inside look at your life.â Balthazar stood up, his knees cracking. âOh, bloody hell. When did I get so old?â
âShut up, youâre only three years older.â
âDonât waste those three precious years, my darling Cassie.â Balthazar gently patted Casâ cheek. âLooking forward to losing the mask?â
Cas paused, thinking before nodding. âOnce this tour is over, and Deanâs retired? Iâll lose the mask.â
âŚ
Dean stared out the window as his tour bus pulled up behind the Lied Center. Two other buses were there, as was a small caravan of vans, and Dean made a mental note to offer to charter a bus for the tourâs opening act.
âNervous?â Sam walked up next to him and looked out the window.
âI mean, whenâs the last time we were home, Sammy?â Dean looked to his brother and tried to fight the nervous frown on his face. âThe closest before was Topeka, and those Will-Call tickets were never picked up.â
Sam let out a sigh. âI meant about coming out tonight, but I guess that works too. You want Cas here, donât you?â Dean nodded, and Sam continued. âItâs been almost twenty years, Dean. I know youâre still in love with him, but you needââ
âDonât you dare finish that sentence, Sam. Donât you fucking dare.â
âIâm going to, but only because you need to hear this. You need to move on. I found out about your... something, with Cas because of that god damned song. You think you could have hidden that youâre gay from Charlie and me?â
âItâs my decision if I move on or not. And I donât want to. I never have. And, to be honest, Charlie knew.â Dean turned in his seat. âAnd I wanted to tell you sooner, but...â
âBut I was a loud-mouthed kid, and Dad would have killed you. I get it.â Sam sat across from Dean. âYou gotta know, Dean. I have only ever wanted to see you happy.â
âThank you, Sammy.â Dean looked over to the bus door, Samâs head turned to look as well, as it opened.
Charlie walked up the stairs, her fingers in a peace sign. âWhatâs up, bitches?â She hip-checked Sam and sat down next to him as he slid over. âDean?â
âItâs just weird being home.â He swallowed. âYou get everything set up?â
âOf course I did, and before you ask, yes, I checked to make sure that a pair of tickets were held for a Castiel Novak at Will-Call.â She reached into her bag and pulled out a notebook and started going over it. âBenny and the boys want to know if you have the setlist finished.â
âYeah.â He flipped up a piece of paper and slid it over to Charlie as he prepared for their pre-venue checklist.
âŚ
âI know you can see it, Cassie.â Balthazar took a sip from a water bottle before handing one to Cas. âHow are you holding up?â
âWeâre back in Lawrence. Iâm on tour with Dean, but itâs as a solo act.â Cas set the bottle down and looked up at Balthazar. âBalth, did I make the right choice, or was I too lenient in letting you twist my arm?â
âWell, thatâs not fair. Iâve never made you do anything you donât want to do.â
Cas ran his fingers through his hair. âI know. Even when it could have made us - how did you say it? - filthy fucking rich, you never forced me to do it.â He picked up the mask in front of him, an emerald green one with gold embroidery and fringe, and gently traced his fingers over the ornate pattern. âIâm making a huge fucking mistake.â
âCassie. You have been having this fight with yourself for the past month while the tour dates got finalized. We are here.â Balthazar picked the bottle up and cracked it open before handing it back to Cas. âIf you need alcohol, Iâll give you a couple of shots after your set, per your rider.â
âCan we break my rider for once?â Cas pinched the bridge of his nose before picking up the bottle and taking a sip. âSo, what do you need?â
âSince weâre borrowing Deanâs band for the tour, their leader - a handsome, hopefully single, drummer named Benny - is asking for a finalized setlist. He also wants to do a test run of a song or two with you for the sound crew.â
Cas pushed himself out of his seat and went back to his bedroom. He grabbed a notebook off of the bed. He stole a quick look at the picture on his nightstand - a reminder from his life 17 years ago - before rejoining Balthazar. He handed the paper over and sat back down. âSmall change from the usual list.â
âCassie...â Balthazar looked up from the setlist.
âI donât need your criticism right now. I made sure that the song was on the possible choice list for the tour.â Cas put on his mask.
Balthazar shook his head. âNot criticizing. Just worried about you.â
âŚ
Dean was on edge as the concert started. He had paced his dressing room until Tina & Her Pony started the first song of their set. Per his request, Charlie had gotten their music on his phone, so he could listen to it, but hearing them live was much better. He calmed down and finally sat on the sofa, drinking the water Sam forced on him.
âYou look like youâre going to faint.â Sam took the seat in front of the mirror and checked himself before turning around to face Dean. âYou do your grounding technique?â
âYes, Samantha.â Dean rested his forehead in his palms and stared at the ground. âTheyâre probably not going to answer at the box office, are they?â
âYouâre not going to find out, Dean.â Charlie looked up from her phone. âI will unplug that phone if necessary.â
Dean harrumphed and slunk down further into his seat.
âSeriously, Dean. Whatâs finding out if heâs here going to do? If he didnât come, youâre going to be mopey. If he did come, youâre going to be so nervous you canât perform.â Sam pointed at him. âGo through your grounding again.â
âIâm fine.â Dean closed his eyes and focused on the current set piping through the speakers. He gave himself a silent reminder to provide Charlie with a raise for picking the duo for the tourâs opening act.
A few songs later, one of the members thanked the audience and told them to enjoy the rest of the show. Dean opened his eyes and looked up to the monitor, and watched as they waved and stepped offstage. The stage crew stepped in quickly and prepped for the next set. Dean sat up in surprise as he watched them roll a baby grand onto the stage, not remembering which of Thursday Jamesâ songs required it.
âCharlie?â Dean smacked her shoulder and pointed to the monitor. âI donât remember that on his list.â
âI have no idea.â Charlie sat up in her seat and leaned forward, aptly paying attention alongside Dean.
âŚ
Cas was incredibly impressed and surprised by how easily his set had gone so far. He was humbled and honored by the sheer number of people who were cheering for him, and he used their energy to wash away his dread and apprehension.
âLadies, Men, and Gentlethem.â He pulled the mic out of the stand and spoke into it as he walked over to the piano. âThereâs a little something special I wanted to do for you all tonight.â
The crowd cheered, and Cas took the opportunity to inhale deeply as he put the mic into the stand clipped on the piano.
âIâm sorry to disappoint, but itâs not a new song, but a song that you all are familiar with. When I first wrote it, I had intended it as a piano ballad.â Cas sat down and adjusted the mic. âA few of you may have already noted it missing from the lineup, but itâs one that Iâll always sing until I canât anymore.â
Cas ran his fingers over the keys in a brief allegro, stirring the crowd up even more. He took in another deep breath and closed his eyes before hitting the first chord of the song.
Catch âem by surprise and Chasinâ the horizon Nothing holds me down Askinâ, âWhere the timeâs gone?â Dreaminâ with the lights on Tryna keep your eyes on Something along the rise
You and I Bide our time And I miss summertime
Cas found himself surprised by the number of cheers as he played. While he was there to perform for the concert-goers, this was for him. This was to get him through the remainder of the tour.
Catch him on the run, they Punish those who love young Never right on time Watch each other fallinâ Always catch the call and Whistle while weâre walkinâ Something inside me dies
You and I Why, oh, why? And I miss summertime
Cas swayed in his seat, letting the piano run through him. He fought back the tears that threatened to spill.
Keep on rockinâ, baby Keep on risinâ on the tide Son of a gun and maybe Weâll be ridinâ all night Something inside me dies You and I, You and I Bide our time. And I, I miss summertime
You and I Why, oh, why? And I miss summertime
Cas hit the final chord of the song, and the venue exploded. He stared at the keys for a few moments, letting the tears fall softly before nodding. âThank you, everyone. Enjoy the rest of the concert. Up in just a few minutes will be the amazing Brandi Carlile!â
He stood up and waved before quickly walking offstage. Balthazar led him to his dressing room. Once the door was shut, Balthazar pulled Cas into his arms and hugged him tightly. âI am so sorry, Cassie. I never realized it.â
âRealized what?â Cas sniffled.
âYou two. You and Dean? You were together.â
Cas swallowed and looked up at Balthazar. At a loss for words, there was only one thing he could do. He broke down and sobbed into his cousinâs arms.
âŚ
Dean was still shaking from Thursdayâs set when he was given his five-minute warning. Brandi was terrific, and he looked forward to hanging out with her after the show, but the way that Thursday sang, the smooth whiskey sound, the profound heartbreak... Dean knew there was more there. Something was entirely familiar to him, and it was driving him crazy that he couldnât put his finger on it.
Dean walked out to the stage, waiting in the wings for Benny to start their opening number with the rest of the band. He tried to shake himself loose, rolling his neck and stretching out when Charlie walked up to him.
âYouâre working yourself up, Dean.â
âYeah, and Iâm about to come out to a sold-out auditorium, which is probably going to go viral. Forgive me if Iâm nervous that Iâm going to kill my career tonight.â Dean pulled his arm in front of his chest, stretching out his shoulder, before switching to the other.
âAnd youâre so full of shit.â Charlie looked out to the stage as Benny counted the band out. âBreak a leg, Dean.â She stood up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek before stepping back further into the wing.
Dean shook himself out one more time, putting on a great big smile and ran out on stage, waving to the crowd. âGood Evening, Lawrence!â
The crowd roared, and Dean broke into his first song. Their energy was contagious, and it took all of Deanâs power to not come out right then and there. He wanted to ride the high and get it over with. But people came out on an excellent show, and he was going to give it to them. And it was all he could hope that they would still be fans when all was said and done.
After the eighth song in his set, yes, heâd been counting, Dean smiled at the crowd and winked. âI think itâs that time, huh?â He took his guitar that he had acquired during the second song off, and walked it to a stand. He picked up his acoustic guitar and grabbed a stool before setting back up in front of the mic.
âFirst and foremost, I want to thank yâall for coming out tonight.â Dean sat on the stool and pulled the guitar strap over his head. âIâm not sure if yâall know, but Lawrence is actually my hometown.â Cheers and whistles rifled through the crowd. âI was born and raised here, stayed until I was 19 years old. Ran off to Nashville, found a manager who thought I was decent, and here I am. Blessed by fans like yâall.
âAnd I mean it when I say Iâm truly honored to have so many wonderful fans. But thereâs something thatâs been eating me up inside for a long time, and I need to be honest with yâall.â Dean strummed absentmindedly on his guitar, his fingers starting the beginning notes from memory. âEleven years ago, my second album came out, and on it is a song that means so much to me.
But my manager, even though Iâm not which one more, was concerned for my career and my safety. He refused to let me include it on the album unless I changed the pronouns.â Dean bristled at the hushed whispers going through the crowd. âWhile that song turned out to be one of my most significant hits, Iâve never forgiven myself for letting that change be forced onto it.
âI guess what Iâm trying to say is that Iâm gay. And Cas, if youâre out there. Anywhere. This has always been your song, sunshine.â
âŚ
Cas fell off of the sofa.
The room spun around, and Balthazar joined him in a heartbeat as he stared up at the screen. His mind was racing a mile a minute as he thought through Deanâs discography.
I thought I knew the boy so well If he was sad, I couldnât tell I missed the point I missed the signs So if heâs gone the fault is mine I know, I know a whole lot little things And even though I could list them one by one Oh, he would still be gone
Cas sucked in sharply. He knew this song. He knew it better than he would ever care to admit. He had often dreamt about it being for him.
His eyes are blue His hair was long In â84 he was born In Baton Rouge His favorite song is âIn My Lifeâ I memorized his every move I knew his books, his car, his clothes But I paid no attention to what mattered most
Cas pushed himself up to his feet, relying on Balthazarâs shoulder for support. His eyes were locked on the screen, feet unable to move.
I never asked he never said And when he cried, I turned my head He dreamed his dreams behind closed doors That made them easy to ignore I know, I know I missed the forest for the trees All I have to show Oh, when he walked out the door The cold facts and nothing more
His eyes are blue His hair was long In â84 he was born In Baton Rouge His favorite song is âIn My Lifeâ I memorized his every move I knew his books, his car, his clothes But I paid no attention to what mattered most
Cas started to the door, ignoring Balthazar calling after him. He ran out the door, making it to the stage as Dean began the final refrain.
His eyes are blue His hair was long In â84 he was born In Baton Rouge His fatherâs tall His motherâs gone He moved out west when he was two The way he laughed The way he loved Oh my god, what did I do?
He dreamed his dreams behind closed doors I never asked he never said
Cas looked out to the crowd as Dean got a standing ovation. He wanted Dean to have this moment, to know that the audience would still love him, regardless of orientation. But Cas also wanted to know if Dean still loved him. He needed to know.
He started to walk out on stage when a hand wrapped around his arm and pulled him back. âHoly shit. Cas? You? Youâre here?â Charlie looked him up and down. âOh my god. Thursday James. Castiel James Novak.â
âPlease, Charlie. Can I?â
âYou have a lot of explaining to do, but you both do.â She turned him around and pushed him gently. âGo get him, and make him whole again. Please.â
âŚ
Dean gave a final wave to the crowd before turning to walk off of the stage. He looked up from his boots, and his eyes met the bluest eyes heâd ever seen, and heâd never forget. Deanâs knees went weak and out from under him, and he grabbed the stool heâd just been sitting on. âCas?â
An electric buzz shot through the crowd as the realization settled over the venue. Cas looked out to the audience, then took a few steps closer. Dean pushed himself to his knees, staring in awe.
âHello, Dean.â
Dean looked Cas up and down when everything clicked. âThursday... Castiel. Fuck. How did I...?â
Cas finished closing the distance between them and held his hand down. Dean took it and allowed Cas to help pull him to his feet. Once standing, Dean hesitantly reached forward, his hand faintly touching Casâ cheek. Cas took Deanâs hand and pressed it against his cheek, and Dean felt the first sob wreck through his body.
âThat song has always been for me?â Cas whispered, and Dean nodded, unable to find his words out of shock. âYou never stopped?â
âLoving you?â Dean shook his head. âNever. It has always been you, Cas. I knew what I lost, and I couldnât move on. I wonât ever move on from you.â
Cas leaned in and pressed his lips softly against Deanâs, and Dean felt Casâ mouth break into a smile as cheers erupted from the crowd. âAm I dreaming, Dean?â
âGod, I hope not, Cas.â Dean brought his other hand up, holding Casâ face as he rested their foreheads together. âI have missed you, so much, Cas.â
âYou donât have to anymore, Dean.â Cas kissed Dean again, reclaiming his lost love for himself and no longer dreaming behind closed doors.
#profoundnet#spncreatorsdaily#spn fanfic#deancas fanfic#destiel#au - modern#au - music#singer!dean#singer!castiel#hidden identity#lost love#reunions#rating: teen#nickel writes
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The Winter Duke review
4/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, magic, lesbian characters, power struggles, political intrigue, mysteries, LGBTQ+ representation I really enjoyed We Rule the Night and so was excited to see this author had published another book, albeit not in the same world. Unfortunately, I didnât like this one nearly as much as I liked Night, even though it did follow through on its wlw potential. For starters, Winter Duke starts off very slowly. I really struggled to get into the book despite its premise and despite the fact that there is some action in chapter 2. However, chapter 1 and many of the chapters that followed were rather slow going and involved a lot of discussion and not a lot of action. Even the parts when Ekata gets to travel Below were somewhat meh (though I will say that the worldbuilding was fantastic and I very much enjoyed the descriptions of Below). Nevertheless, I feel like even with the tension in some scenes, most of the action occurs in chapter 2 and in the last 1/3 to 1/4 of the book. Another issue I had is that Ekata lets people push her around too easily. She is grand duke and, yeah, sure, maybe she didnât want the position, but she was still raised as a princess or whatever the duchy equivalent is, yet she lets people bowl over her like its nothing. Ekata then complains that people donât listen to her and do things without her knowledge, but she barely stands up for herself. Maybe the things that happen in the book would have still happened if she had asserted herself, maybe not, but she wouldnât have been so passive about it at least. Further, though she admits sheâs unsuited to the position of grand duke, she allows her ministers to not tell her things and doesnât even read the documents she signs about trade agreements and what not. If she wants to at least be a good provisional grand duke and get people to listen to her, youâd think sheâd put a little effort into making herself knowledgeable. To be fair to her, she does start trying to remember the dignitaries present, but thatâs only halfway through the book. My third issue, which is also still kind of my second issue, is that Ekata doesnât like her family and wants to be betterâŚbut then she tries to act just like her father and brother as soon as she becomes grand duke, even when people suggest to her that maybe she shouldnât try to replicate them. She uses her brain to try and sort through the curse, but she doesnât use it to try and rule and instead attempts to mirror her despotic father. Her behavior even impacts how she interacts with the people Below, who sheâs long wondered about and loved and wanted to study, and the people she loves, and not in a good way. I get making mistakes and mirroring the behavior of people we know, and I get using stuff like this for tension, but my issue with this comes in when so many of Ekataâs problems wouldâve been solved if she used her own brain for five minutes instead of trying to be her father and brother (or even looked over the end of her own nose). Like, sheâs complaining that she doesnât want to be grand duke, then refuses a parliament. LikeâŚwhy? Just why? Sheâs afraid of the absolute power her father and brother would have to kill her and believes in her familyâs right to rule instead of âpeasants,â but she doesnât see the irony in how parliament would take away that absolute killing power and in how the woman she says is more a mother than her own is a freaking peasant. So many of her issues and tensions in this book wouldâve been avoided if Ekata had just stayed herself the entire time. For things I do like, I enjoyed the focus on science + magic. Bartlett does a good job combining the two in a way that makes sense and doesnât contradict one another. Magic in this world is less understood than science, but there are still rules and ways to study it alongside more concrete things like anatomy and chemistry. There is a more heavy lean on magic in this book than there was in Night, but I liked the different balance and found the exploration of it interesting. In this same vein, the worldbuilding was excellent as well and I enjoyed the little details that didnât have much to do with the plot, but made it feel more real. Thereâs good LGBTQ+ rep in the book as well. Ekata is, obviously, gay and Inkar is as well. Sigis, one of the antagonists, is at least bi, if not pan, as is Lyosha, Ekataâs oldest brother. Several other named characters are nonbinary and at least one or two is asexual. There are also unnamed characters who are gay or bi as well. I think thereâs also probably a lot of fluidity allowed in the world in terms of gender representation, since there are some women in the book called âprinceâ and Ekata herself is called a grand duke, not a grand duchess. I also really liked some of the side characters. Aino, Ekataâs nursemaid and quasi-adoptive mother, is an absolute powerhouse. That woman manages to not only take care of Ekata and protect her from literal dangers that may creep into her room, but she also manages to fend off some of the ministers and dignitaries, steal Ekataâs motherâs jewelry, and plot to help herself and Ekata escape. Truly a background hero. Aino clearly cares for Ekata and wants whatâs best for her, and she seems like an excellent person to have as a friend and defender. Further, Aino often provides some snippy commentary that I enjoy. Inkar, Ekataâs trial wife, is also a character that I enjoyed, but she, like Ekata, is stuck up in certain ways from being raised royalty, which causes some issues between her and Aino. To Inkar, the world of Kylma Above is completely foreign to her and her interactions with everything are as new as ours, making her one of the vessels for worldbuilding. Despite her view on servants, she doesnât have the same problems Ekata seems to sympathizing with more common people and she gets on splendidly with the guards of the palace. ActuallyâŚaside from Aino, PM Eirhan, and Sigis, she seems to get along swell with everyone around her, even those who were once held hostage by her or her father. Overall, Inkarâs a very enjoyable character to read about. As for the main character, Ekata, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I listed a lot of the problems I have with her above, which led to me thinking I just wasnât a fan of her character until around the last fourth or so of the book. On the other hand, she has some very funny lines throughout the book and I enjoyed how she was focused on science and used it to calm herself. I also liked her obvious love for Kylma, even if a lot of her thoughts about it are coated in ignorance or memories of her family. Overall I donât think I entirely like Ekata, but I definitely donât dislike her. I feel bad for her, honestly, since, as mentioned, a lot of her problems couldâve been circumvented if sheâd just decided to be herself the entire time (and maybe extend herself a little to learn about the duchy, the dignitaries, and the agreements sheâs signing). There are a lot more bad guys than good in this one, and it seems like one is around every corner. Eirhan is perhaps the most slithery of them, and itâs hard to tell whose side heâs on, though it largely seems to be his own. I found him to be an infuriating character, but didnât hate him the same way I hate Sigis. Sigis, Ekataâs foster brother and a king in his own right, is just downright horrendous and deserves a sword through his back. Slimy and conniving, Sigis revels in othersâ discomfort and is the picture beside the dictionary term âtoxic masculinity.â He does not, I believe, know the meaning of the word ânoâ and simply thinks the world is his for the taking and by right. Overall I feel pretty much the same way about this book as I do about Ekata: I donât dislike it, but I donât entirely like it either. The worldbuilding was good and I really enjoyed the two main side characters, even if I didnât like a lot of the other characters (though with them being antagonists, Iâm going to say that was on purpose).
#book#book review#claire eliza barlett#the winter duke#fantasy#ya fantasy#political intrigue#mystery#magic#lesbian characters#lgbtq representation
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Here's your chance to gush about your favorite regency husband: what are your top 10 favorite things about Ernest?
Kato, you are the BEST! Thank you for this ask.
So ten things? Hmmm. Can I summarise it with Hufflepuff? ;)
Ahhh fine. I guess I'll have to gush, then. XD
1. Ernest gives to everyone, even to people who don't deserve it
Whether to "women of ill repute", servants or anyone else, Ernest gives.
He gives those women food, clothes- and for some- a better life.
He gives his servants food (as in grouse) and personally delivered a letter for his steward like an errand boy, just because he was passing by the area.
And the most amazing part? Even after everything his wife did to him, he still took her in when Mr. Richards turned her away. It is just so amazing and shows what an amazing person he is.
2. He respects MC and will never force himself on her
Can we talk about how much he loves MC? Ernest respects her so much. For example, when her shoe fell in that diamond scene in the lake, Ernest looked away. That is basically the equivalent of undressing, and he looked away. Can you think of anyone today who would do the same?
And the never forcing himself on her part? He apologizes in the bridge diamond scene in Book 1 for forcing himself on her, even when it was mutual. And my favorite part that really shows it is this:
He tells MC in that cuddle scene that no matter if she's ready or not, it's okay. Nothing she does will ever disappoint him, and I just love that. It truly shows how much he cares for her, and I love it so much.
3. He doesn't like violence, but will use it when necessary
Ernest isn't the type to rush blindly into the fray. He hates killing, but will do so when necessary. I realized that mostly from his diamond scene in the hunt in book 2. Ernest says he doesn't like shooting grouse, but he does do that sometimes, when he has to.
You can also see how in Book 1 he threatens to harm Mr. Richards if he dares to lay a hand on MC again, and in Book 2 (if you romance him)- the duel. In both of these times he basically says "Enough is enough", but in the first time, for example, he only threatens to harm, instead of hurting Mr. Richards immediately.
4. He never looks down on anyone
In the Regency era, in order to be acknowledged you needed to be a wealthy, white, straight male. Anything other than that and you were basically worthless.
But Ernest's best friend, as it looks like it, is Mr. Chambers, a gay male. Ernest doesn't pay any attention to his sexuality, and never treats him any differently because of that.
In another instance (again to Ernest romancers), if Ernest heads for the duel, he chooses Mr. Harper as his second when there's literally a prince in the same room. As he says, "I trust you with my life". He sees Mr. Harper as an equal he can always trust, even when Mr. Harper is "just" a servant.
Not to mention his servants, whom he gives so much to, or the "women of ill repute". If he looked down on them he would never give them as much as he does. Instead he would say that they don't deserve his kindness, and we know he never does that.
5. He always sees the good in people, yet knows who doesn't deserve it
Ernest always sees the good in people who deserve it. The poor "women of ill repute" and his servants really show that, though you can see it in other cases.
That is what made him open up to MC in the first place. The fact he realized that even if she was a gold digger, no-one deserved Mr. Richards.
In so many instances he showed that. Among them I can think of the bridge scene in Book 1 and one line in Book 2. Only someone who sees the good in people can say that.
Yet even with that, Ernest knows who doesn't deserve his kindness. After Mr. Richards betrayed him, Ernest doesn't waste his time in a useless attempt to see the good in him. On the contrary: he's one of the first people to warn MC about him.
6. He teases MC and has no problem making fun of himself
Throughout the books Ernest and MC constantly tease each other, and I love it. That was one of the first things that won me over about him.
7. He's selfless
Ernest will always do good, even if he's hurt from it. You really see that in Book 1 with the "women of ill repute" he helps, even when it hurts his own reputation.
8. He does good, just because
Ernest doesn't look for any credit for the amazing things he does. He does them just because, and would even hide them just in order for them to be as pure as possible. Can I just say how amazing that is?
9. He's gentle
Ernest is very gentle with MC. This does connect to the never-forces-himself thing, but I find that so attractive. I will always prefer a sweet, gentle line over a dark and heedy look, or a kind and gentle kiss over a passionate one. They're both great, and the fact that Ernest can also be gentle, at least at first, means so much to me. It really shows how much he loves her.
10. He's not ashamed to act childish
So many times Ernest acts childish with MC. When he meets her in Grovershire, in the lake... yes, she brings out that side of him, but he doesn't ever try to hide it.
Obviously there are more, but these are the main things. =)
#playchoices#choices#choices stories you play#desire and decorum#ernest sinclaire#ernest sinclaire x mc#mr. sinclaire x mc#mr. sinclaire#sinclaire x mc#dndaw#choices dnd#choicee d&d#choices dd#asks#@ladykato#long post#kate answers
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you donât have to say you love me...
â â wilmer valderrama, cis male, thirty-nine. hey, did you see MAURICIO ALEJO MARTINEZâs latest instagram story? heâs been killing it as AN ACTOR over at ALLIANCE STUDIOS though i hear heâs worried about being typecasted into ROM COMS so heâs trying to break into the ACTION GENRE. people on set have praised him for being so PROFESSIONAL + RESOURCEFUL but theyâve also said he can be DISTANT + COMPETITIVE. at least heâs killing it in the industry.
why donât you tell me you love me, too...
History
Mauricio was never supposed to be a superstar, his family had very humble beginnings. He was born in the poorer area of MedellĂn, Colombia, the second child to be born to his parents. It was the 80âs and the Colombian telenovela market was booming. One of the biggest studios, CamarĂłn, was exporting novelas to the entirety of Latin America, to great success. Mauricioâs start in the industry was out of chance, his mother worked as a custodian at CamarĂłn and had many friends that let her know all of the gossip and ins and outs of the studio, that way she knew whenever there were open calls. Mauricio was pushed by his mother and partly by his father, to audition, at first he did badly, but eventually the casting directors saw something in him, enough to put him in small roles on some telenovelas, usually playing a son or younger brother who didnât have many lines.
 Out of the three children, he was the only one who managed to get his foot in the industry, his older brother never liked it, and his younger sister was never cast, despite countless attempts. Mauricioâs early to mid teenage years were spent booking small television roles and commercials that aired all over Colombia, and Latin America. All of the money he made went towards the family, and allowed them to have nicer things and move to a better area. Despite the good that it was providing his family, his siblings resented him, because Mauricio was treated like the golden child, the one that was giving honor to their family name.
His first big role was that of Jennyâs younger brother in Jenny la Fea, when he was 19. He had honed his craft enough at that point to be able to pull of the lovable younger brother, and Colombia began to fall in love with him.
Landing that role is what made his career boom, landing him bigger and better parts, and as he was getting older, he was getting actual romantic parts. As he entered his twenties and began to bulk up, he began landing parts that only leading men ever got. He was shaping up to be a full-blown telenovela hunk, with photoshoots lined up so that girls and women could hang up his pictures worldwide.
Mauricio had enough money at this point in his career, to move his family into a mansion in Colombia, and even moved himself to Mexico, having outgrown the Colombian market. He also paid for his brotherâs rehab, and tried to get him the best treatment. He had always been troubled, but whenever Mauricioâs career took off, he always had to contend with familial issues. It was a constant pull in different directions.Â
On top of that there was the fact that he was deeply closeted the entire time. From the start Mauricio had known he liked men, something that he knew was unacceptable for the fanbase he was working for. And especially for his family. They had always been deeply religious and instilled in him that he had to be a man, tough and strong, just like the men he portrayed on screen. And being gay was definitely not a strong quality, despite how challenging it was for him.
Being alone in Mexico, trying to make it big in an even larger market was a task for him, but one that he was prepared to take on. He was cast in novelas alongside many of Mexicoâs heavy hitters, during this he got especially close to one of his co-stars, Tiago. He and Tiago were viewed as one of the best friendships in the industry, the two played rivals in a telenovela, Rosa, but were close as thieves in real life.
The truth was that he and Tiago had fallen in love, countless hours on a set, long nights in trailers, and hotel rooms, had brought out the truth that they were both smitten by each other. They were inseparable but kept up the façade to everyone that they were just friends, afraid that their careers would end up in flames.
They kept up their charade long after they had wrapped up filming together, and moved on to other telenovela projects, finding time to spend together in secret. Both dated women for the media but knew where their true hearts were.
Mauricio was wrapping up his last telenovela when the worst moment of his life happened, he and Tiago had been photographed kissing during a moment of passion on a balcony of one of Mexicoâs most exclusive hotels, and said photograph was being spread across all the tabloids in Latin America.
He and his team had no idea what to do with everything happening. So many of his fans were put off by the reality that their heartthrob could be gay. It was surely going to affect what roles came his way, and it did. His team advised him to deny, deny, deny, and double down on his relationship with Maria, another actress who needed the spotlight. Tiago had already denied it was him in the photos, and cut him off completely, choosing his career over their relationship that had spanned years at that point. Mauricio refused to play into the game, tired of hiding and came out.
His coming out process wasnât easy, he decided to film a video that he uploaded to the internet, where he explained how his life had been up to that point, making sure to not include Tiagoâs name. He was met with mostly negative feedback from his community, his fanbase, and some positives from people that felt he was representing them.
His family wasnât accepting of it at all, and his parents cut him off completely. They felt Mauricio, the son that had brought them such pride, now just brought them shame. They couldnât see past what they were taught, and let Mauricio know that if he wanted to be accepted as their son, he needed to choose a better walk of life.
All of this left him practically alone, with his career in shambles, it was truly the darkest period of his life. He felt that almost overnight his life had been flipped upside down, all of the illusions that heâd had of the world were stripped away and he was left standing alone with the reality of what it all was.
With nothing left to do, he moved himself to the US, taking some time to himself to recharge and find his footing. He knew that he had to come up with a new plan for his career, he wasnât getting any of the offers he used to. None of his old fans wanted to see him as the heartthrob anymore, they didnât buy it.
 His early thirties were a time of change and planning, he had through the Los Angeles scene, met with filmmakers, some that had heard of his story and they wanted to cast him in a film. It was an indie film about a gay man in love with the ghost haunting his home. Mauricio wasnât sure how he felt about taking part in it, but he wasnât getting any other offers, so he took it. The movie went on to be a hit in the indie circuit, debuting to a lot of acclaim, and becoming a cult favorite.
That was enough to then land him a small role television role as a quirky love interest to one of the female protagonists, people were believing him in the role of a straight man again, only this time it was for an entirely different market.
He landed a couple rom-coms, as the latin lover with an accent that wooed the girl, that did well in the box office, making a name for himself in America. His career was starting to gain traction again, after having almost completely died.
After his biggest rom com, he was on the radar of Hollywood execs, enough that he was eyed for the role of Pedro Plume, the Lunar-lord in Champions of the Universe. It was one of Alliance Studiosâ biggest projects in their superhero franchise and he knew that if he were to land it, it would solidify him as a star in the American market.
When he was confirmed for the role of Pedro, it was the happiest day of his life. It meant that he had survived everything that he had been through.
Mauricio is still trying to take control of his career, and focus on big action movies, rather than being pigeonholed as the latin lover, but that is proving easier now that he is the Lunar-lord, and has a couple Champions of the Universe movies under his belt. Â
Es que a tus labios, no los entiendo.
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CODE RED: Will is going to be Number 12!
exhibit A) Matthew Modine (who plays Dr.Brenner) posted this on instagram.Â
Exhibit B) I already discussed why Will has powers in more detail here. Â
âBoth El and Will could communicate through different dimensions (Will exploded 2 phones , El exploded a radio at the school). Both of their momsâ had âcrazy auntsâ - powers are genetic. Both had their brain waves monitored at the lab and their measurements were off the charts, plus they were being unknowingly recorded on video. El and Will are the only people who could touch, speak, and hear each other in the void. They both tore through walls (with that pink gunk between the normal world and upside down). They both can track others when concentrating -Will found Hopper, El found Will. Both communicated psychically by transferring their conscious- El to talk to Mike in his basement using the void (in s2) & Will to his mom in the living room (in s1). They are the only magical d&d characters (mage & cleric). When El uses her powers to their highest capabilities, her eyes turn red (at the end of s1 and 2 ) ⌠so itâs interesting that when Will was fighting for control of his ownbody his eyes went from hazel to black. And in s1, Willâs storyline is all about him communicating through flickering/shining lights- and when El uses her powers lights always flicker.Also before Will goes missing , he asks Dustin for his X-men comic- later in reference to El ,Dustin asks âDo you think El was born with her powers like the X-men?â And when Mike says El is âchanneling him (Will)â. Dustin says âlike professor xâ. clearly hinting that they were both born with powers, like the X-men.
In s1 Will was described to be âshadow walkingâ  In D&D Shadow walking is â â largely illusory, but  quasi-real. characters can use this spell to travel rapidly by stepping onto the Plane of Shadow, moving the desired distance, and then stepping back onto the Material Plane.â This quote perfectly summarizes Willâs power - which he was shown to be using in s1 & s2 (before his possession)- he can be partially-present and can physically interact with both dimensions at the same time. This explains how he was standing in the real world next to Mike in the field, while the mind flayer took possession of him in the upside down version of the same field.
Also, in the show, the only people who have powers are women: Terri, Kali, and El. However, in the cannon prequel novel âsuspicious mindsâ  Terri, Alice, Gloria, and Ken have powers. So as of now, Ken is the only guy in the ST universe who has powers ⌠and he just so happens to be gay . And people suspect Will is gay⌠so⌠on to the next point XD
The show and comic hint Will had dormant powers or used them and was unaware he was doing so (before the upside down incident). He sent himself accidentally to the upside down (the lightbulb glowed just like all the lights in Hawkins did when El closed the gate in s2) also El accidentally sent herself there too. Â The comic heavily implies Will was born with several powers (similar to how El has multiple powers). His may be shadow walking, teleportation, and invisibility. All 3 of these powers in D&D are powers of a wizard/sorcerer - which is synonymous with the term mage (which is used to describe El). Also, in the show the password Will picks for castle byers is âRhadagastâ (a wizard in lord of the rings). According to D&D invisibility is a level 1, teleportation is level 5, and shadow walking is a level 6 in order of increasing difficulty. However, It wasnât until Willâs possession that Will truly became a cleric (which Iâll explain in detail later). Will always had powers and was unaware he was using them (before the upside down incident)- the only powers he used at the time were invisibility and teleportation .Do you guys remember when Jonathan said Will was âgood at hidingâ cause teleportation and invisibility seem like something a kid who hid from his abusive father might of used accidentally A LOT!
However after his possession, Will becomes a cleric. âClerics are given their powers by a godâ (in this case he would have been given similar powers to the mindflayer). So will is going to be OP as F***!â
And before that post, I discussed why I thought Will & El would be kidnapped by the government at the end of s3Â hereÂ
 Exhibit c) âThe promotional poster for st3 states âOne summer can change everythingâ. While David Harbour states , âThere is a major event at the end of ST3 that will dramatically change the course of the rest of the seriesâ.
in the 1st pic a gunâs pointed at her face  and in the second sheâs being led away into a helicopter
The next photos show Joyce and Will hugging ,but in the following pics Will is gone.
Essentially the scenes of the kids looking back at the empty Byersâ house is the last scene in s3. Every season has a one month time skip- and the clothes that Dustin, Mike, and Max were wearing included pants and or long sleeves. The fact they spoiled the ending indicates itâs a red herring. Â Itâs not simply that the Byers moved- itâs that they moved due to the trauma of losing Will. I believe throughout the season Joyce will want to move (like Bob wanted)- the only thing holding her back is the fact that Willâs support system (his friends) and Hopper are there.But after Will is taken away she leaves.â
exhibit D) Willâs comic references Dr Brenner and a novel that foreshadows later events, post here.
âMartini? Like Dr. Martin Brenner! Who the Dufferâs said theyâre bringing back. And if what I said about the s3 finale of El and Will being kidnapped by the government is true. It would make sense for s4 to be where heâs brought back.â
In the book âThe 2 main characters are very similar to Will and El. Literally the boy , Peter is quiet, gay-coded,and in love with his âprotectiveâ childhood bff . And Lola (sounds like s1 El-androgynous, buzz cut, brown hair, and eyes)-they team up to survive and are the first to meet. Essentially, Peter and Lolaâs platonic love for each other- and their dependence on each other , allows them to keep their morality, mental health, and physical safety in tact- and this will probably echo the Will/El dynamic.Itâs about a psychiatrist who kidnaps and tries to brainwash orphans into becoming weapons/spies for the government.â
So YEAH, along with all that, the fact that Will went missing in s1, and El was missing for most of s2, only verifies to me that both will be taken at the end of s3 and be separated from Mike and others for most of s4 (since it would have Will & Elâs stories finally converge). Alot of people donât realize that Will and Elâs narrative arcs have been paralleled to one another through the whole series.The fact that they both have powers, were both used as spies, have ptsd, are both described as ��quietâ, both had their dads force them to kill animals, had abusive dads who used them for their own gain (Papa- as a spy, Lonnie for the settlement money), had narrative arcs where they tried to get back to their mothers- and back to their âhomeâ (friends & family), willing to sacrifice their lives to save everyone else from the monster,  same stuffed lion plushie. The fact itâs practically cannon Will was the one who made up the whole âfriends donât lieâ thing - that El loves so much. Since in ep 1, Will was honest with Mike about having a bad roll , despite Dustin and Lucas encouraging him to lie to Mike.
 And this is why itâs pretty much confirmed to me. Honestly, Iâm going to cry so much in s4 when we first see Will with a buzzcut and the number 12 tattooed on his wrist... and El with a buzzcut again and both being experimented on. Also in s4, weâll also see the other numbers in Brennerâs care as well. As it would match with the poster and the book âHouse of stairsâ that was referenced in Willâs comic book. * I encourage you to look at my links, since I went into more detail :)
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[[ This post contains Part 6 of my review/analysis of the Forgotten Realms/Drizzt novel, Boundless, by R. A. Salvatore. As such, the entirety of this postâs content is OOC. ]]
Genre: Fantasy
Series: Generations: Book 2 | Legend of Drizzt #35 (#32 if not counting The Sellswords)
Publisher: Harper Collins (September 10, 2019)
My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
Additional Information: Artwork for the cover of Boundless and used above is originally done by Aleks Melnik. This post CONTAINS SPOILERS. Furthermore, this discussion concerns topics that I am very passionate about, and as such, at times I do use strong language. Read and expand the cut at your own discretion.
Contents:
Introduction
I. Positives I.1 Pure Positives I.2 Muddled Positives
II. Mediocre Writing Style II.1 Bad Descriptions II.2 Salvatorisms II.3 Laborious âActionâ
III. Poor Characterization III.1 âMaestroâ III.2 Lieutenant III.3 Barbarian III.4 âHeroâ III.5 Mother
IV. World Breaks IV.1 Blinders Against the Greater World IV.2 Befuddlement of Earth and Toril IV.3 Self-Inconsistency IV.4 Dungeon Amateur IV.5 Utter Nonsense
V. Ego Stroking V.1 The Ineffable Companions of the Hall V.2 Me, Myself, and I
VI. Problematic Themes (you are here) VI.1 No Homo VI.2 Disrespect of Women VI.3 Social-normalization VI.4 Eugenics
VII. Whatâs Next VII.1 Drizzt Ascends to Godhood VII.2 Profane Redemption VII.3 Passing the Torch VII.4 Donât Notice Me Senpai
Problematic Themes
No Homo
Boundless continues to perpetuate some long-standing regressive to outright harmful ideas, as well as introducing new ones. There are two that are the biggest. The first is something that's existed for over two decades in the Drizzt books, and something that I've criticized Salvatore for for a long time: the fetishization of sapphic relationships. While Boundless is an improvement (and a bit of an oddity for Salvatore) in that it doesn't include any gratuitous lesbian sex scenes or allusions, it still very much perpetuates an imbalanced representation, such that it wouldn't be fair to describe it as true representation. Yet again, despite it being canon that the default sexuality in the Realms is pansexuality as opposed to heterosexuality in our world, the only people that we see in Boundless that are capable of same sex attractions are female. Ever since the token gay guy Afrafrenfere's epiphany that everything else he'd been engaged in, which includes his deceased boyfriend, was a distraction from enlightenment, there hasn't been so much of an implication that men could be attracted to other men in Salvatore's Realms. There exists more chemistry between Harbonair and Zaknafein than between Zaknafein and Dab'nay, which is rather sad given that the latter pair are actively sexual with each other. There's of course the possibility that Salvatore just doesn't know how to write gay male chemistry, but to be fair, his heterosexual chemistry is pretty bad. Most of it is just sex or another physical act spontaneously happening that triggers a change in the nature of the relationship, for instance, the start of the relationship between Entreri and Calihye. There's so much background "everyone is heterosexual" stuff going on that to be inclusive, Salvatore just needs to mention that there's more than one man in an orgy rather than it always being one man to many women. Or, better yet, use an example directly from the world canon that other authors have used, namely, that the workers of a brothel or attendants in a temple of Sune are of more than one gender and that a male client is greeted by both male, female, and other gender-identifying attendants. Casual inclusion of this nature isn't difficult, and we see Salvatore do it with sapphic stuff enough that leads me to believe that it's a choice on his part not to be fully inclusive.Â
An example of when Salvatore could've gone for inclusion, but instead went for fetishization, is in the scene of Dahlia infiltrating a Waterdhavian nobles' ball:
This isn't much better than gratuitous lesbian sex scenes at the total exclusion of gay men. It's completely unnecessary for Salvatore to have specified that women also drooled after Dahlia; simply stating "people" would've been sufficient. It's not like Salvatore doesn't have many chances and setups where he can drop a hint that gay men exist in the Realms like he does so frequently for gay women. Oftentimes, Salvatore's writing feels very much like he realizes that there's "too much" chemistry between two male characters, such that he has to throw in a "NO HOMO" wrench. For instance:
While there isn't anything inherently gay in this passage, there isn't anything inherently gay in so many places where Salvatore artificially injected "these women are sapphic" indicators. Yet here, between two male characters, it's specifically clarified that it's brotherly love. Love is love, it shouldn't have to be clarified like this. Sure, some people might jump to romantic love, but so what? This was a good opportunity to at the very least, leave it vague, but apparently Salvatore can't stomach it enough that he has to cross the possibility out with a bold black marker (maybe its the same sharpie he uses on the tapestry of FaerĂťn). It's as though the possibility of romantic love between two men somehow taints the sacredness of their bond. Salvatore's writing style is very old-fashioned and set in its ways, but that's no excuse not to change. Despite his espoused views on social media, Salvatore's lack of representation in his writing suggests a discomfort that he doesn't want to address. This is increasingly problematic as we try to push to a better world with more acceptance and equality. Inclusion isn't truly inclusion if it's done with only a portion of the population.Â
Disrespect of Women
What Salvatore does with sapphic women is fetishization, which is additionally problematic because it's a short hop from objectification of women. This point is one that I haven't touched on much in the past, but it's glaring in Boundless because in this novel, Salvatore also tries to demonstrate respect of women. Salvatore has a long history of poorly-written female characters. In his books, a female character's most redeeming characteristics were that she was hot and young. For a while, I could tell which female characters were there to stay, which were doomed to die from the get-go, and which would suffer horribly as they met their inevitable end. It always had to do with how physically attractive the character was, and usually with respect to how she measured up to Catti-brie's beauty. Not counting female villains like Sheila Kree who were not coincidentally unattractive, protagonist characters weren't spared this treatment. For instance, Delly Curtie didn't hold a candle to Catti and could barely find happiness with Catti's rejected suitor. By the same token, Innovindil, who, despite being a full-blooded elf, wasn't as beautiful as Catti, and was subsequently very short-lived. Dahlia, another full-blooded elf who wasn't as beautiful as Catti, admittedly didn't die (yet), but what she went through is arguably worse. Dahlia is portrayed to be very much second best to Catti, from her looks to her rejection by Drizzt to Catti outright beating Dahlia in a fight. So, of course, Dahlia gets stuck with Entreri, who's frequently portrayed as second best to Drizzt. Salvatore does deserve credit for trying to break the mold with Penelope Harpell and Wulfgar, but Penelope's appearance doesn't leave much of an impression. We're reminded multiple times that she's an older woman, and the focus is on her personality, but with how often younger female characters' physical appearance is mentioned and re-mentioned, it gives the impression that Salvatore doesn't believe older women can be physically attractive. As always, Catti-brie was an exception to the rule, for even in her mid-forties, "her form, a bit thicker with age, perhaps, but still so beautiful and inviting to [Drizzt]", a characterization that follows another sentence describing how beautiful she was barely a page prior. But we don't hear such about Penelope, instead, we're told about the strengths of her personality, which are admirable, but only become the focus for her, rather than for a young-appearing strong female character like Yvonnel the Second. This is not to mention that someone's form probably shouldn't be characterized as inviting, as that is something the person should do, not something done by the person's looks. The objectification of women is problematic enough on its own, but instead of addressing the issue, Salvatore appears to consider it sufficient to put in a significant anecdote featuring a temporary character to prove that he is an ally to women. The mysterious "demon" possessing the little girl Sharon is painted as a moral adjudicator, entrapping the evil in its unbreakable cocoons filled with wasps that have human faces. Before this "demon" entraps Entreri, it ensnares an old man, whom we're simply told is an old lecher, with no insight about what makes him such and what wrongdoings he'd committed. All we know is that he and his wife attempted to kidnap Sharon and threatened to kill her if she resisted. It's not very clear what's going on in that scenario or what the couple's intentions were. The man's description shifts suddenly from nothing to "old lecher", and he is damned to an eternity of suffering. But how was he a lecher? Was Salvatore trying to imply that he intended to sexually assault Sharon? Or was human trafficking one of his many sins, with the "lecher" part referring to how he is towards women? While all of these crimes certainly warrant harsh punishment, the message that Salvatore's trying to convey isn't clear. Furthermore, the anecdote gives the reader zero satisfaction in the guy's punishment, because we're only marginally invested in what's happened. His anecdote is nothing more than a cheap and lazy setup to illustrate what the "demon" can do.
Social-normalization
The second of the two worst among Salvatore's long-standing problematic themes is the simplified and social-normative qualifications of what makes a person worthwhile. To put it simply, one is good and just if they are the Companions of the Hall and/or act like them, despite the many many ways that the Companions behave unheroically and hypocritically. On the flip side, one who doesn't subscribe to or follow the model of the Companions is evil, bad, or not worthy of existence unless they change to become like the Companions. Of the latter group, it isn't sufficient to change to become a different version of themselves. For instance, during the demonic assault, Zaknafein throws himself into the fray of battle, risking his life, yet again, for his ungrateful son. Yet, Drizzt's takeaway from watching his father do this is, "joy to see his father so willingly risking his life for the cause of the goodly folk of the Crags". There appears to be a subconscious inconsistency here on Salvatore's part, for he even writes that Zaknafein helps the dwarves because Zaknafein knows it's what his son wants him to do, so removing Drizzt from the picture, Zaknafein wouldn't be doing it solely on behalf of the dwarves. Zaknafein isn't Drizzt, and that's a good thing, for not everything needs to be a Drizzt clone, but Salvatore doesn't seem to agree with that assessment.Â
Salvatore doesn't seem to realize that Drizzt is the problematic one. Boundless represents a point in time in which it's been awhile since Zaknafein has returned. During this time, while Zaknafein has been trying to adapt and adjust his worldviews, Drizzt's perspective hasn't changed at all, despite Jarlaxle spending a great amount of time talking to him about Zaknafein and presumably helping Drizzt get past the initial emotional turmoil of the return of Zaknafein and his own struggles with reconciling the past and the present. There's also a double-standard here, for while Entreri is forced to change because enough time has gone by, Drizzt isn't.Â
It really seems to be the message that the only characters that are good and valid need to be as close to Drizzt as possible, and this belief applied to Entreri has been the cause of the assassin's increasingly poor characterization. Entreri has become a "better person" by the narrator's approximation, a quality that is, yet again, not coincidentally synonymous to being an ally to the Companions of the Hall. Artemis Entreri may very well have become a better version of himself, but that is not, and should not be, becoming more like the Companions of the Hall. By whose definition is "a better person" anyway? By Drizzt's? By the Companions'? It's often the case that those that believe that they are the definition of what's right and define others' morality relative to themselves are the least qualified to do so.Â
Eugenics
Although not as prominent as the two themes already mentioned, one final consistent problematic theme of Salvatore's in the Drizzt books that I'd like to discuss is the idea that mediocrity and excellence are inherited traits. Boundless reminds us yet again that all of the offspring of Rizzen are as unpromising as he is, and while it isn't specifically stated that all the offspring of Zaknafein is very much otherwise, we have over thirty books basically telling us that so it probably doesn't need to be repeated. While it is true that genetics do play a role in determining what makes up a person, genetics do not lock in guaranteed results. Yet, the undistinguished Rizzen sired "the mediocrity of Nalfein", and as though that insult wasn't bad enough, "His pants fell down, too. Again, and as expected, unimpressive." Dinin "would do Rizzen proud", but that's not saying a whole lot because it was in the context of the total failure of Nalfein. There's a further level of problematic theme here, for perpetuating the stereotype that a man's worth is at all related to the size of his genitalia. All of that aside, not everyone is privileged enough to be born to top specimens, and those that weren't inherently already have a struggle on their hands. They don't deserve to have the idea that they'll be mediocre no matter what perpetuated. Genetics might be what makes an individual, but what defines them is the actions that they take.
#legend of drizzt#Forgotten Realms#d&d#Artemis Entreri#Drizzt#Drizzt Do'Urden#zaknafein do'urden#dahlia sin'felle#Catti-Brie#penelope harpell#Wulfgar son of Beornegar#Yvonnel Baenre#Companions of the Hall#jarlaxle baenre#Afrafrenfere#Harbonair Tr'Arach#Dab'nay Tr'Arach#Calihye#Sune#Showithal Terdidy#Doregardo#Faerun#Delly Curtie#lgbt representation#homophobia#R A Salvatore#Boundless#book review#Sheila Kree#Sharon
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The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice
"'It is a new age. It requires a new evil. And I am that new evil.' I paused, watching him. 'I am the vampire for these times.'"
Year Read: 2019
Rating: 3/5
About:Â After decades of sleeping in the ground beneath New Orleans, Lestat surfaces with the goal in mind of becoming the world's most famous vampire rock star. It flouts every rule about vampires and secrecy, but he's never been good with rules. With Louis's Interview with the Vampire published for the world to see, Lestat is prompted to chronicle his own lengthy history as a mortal aristocrat in pre-revolutionary France to his vampire transformation and search for the oldest of his kind. Trigger warnings: death, parent/child death, pedophilia, rape, prostitution, violence, body horror, severe injury, broken bones, blood, abduction, fires, slavery.
Thoughts: This is such a weird series. I'm not even sure what genre to put it in. As some of the first popular books to make vampires the protagonists, it obviously set the stage for the abundant urban fantasy/paranormal genres we have now, but it looks almost nothing like the urban fantasy of today. It's not fast-paced; there are few action scenes and no mysteries to be solved. All the romance is extremely underplayed. Instead, it's more like a dense and detailed history of every vampire who's ever walked the earth. I would almost call it vampire literary or historical fiction, and maybe there's a reason those things don't often mix.
While I enjoy the characters and the world, the books are very slow. Some of these vampires are hundreds, if not thousands, of years old, and that is a lot of history to fill in. Lestat's certainly has its engaging moments, from his decision to become a vampire rock star to his clashes with Armand in Paris, but it's interspersed with long stretches of tedious backstory--not just Lestat's, but Armand's, Marius's, and Akasha's. Those stories have their place, certainly, and it's not in the middle of Lestat's story. I felt like I was reading all the time and never getting anywhere, and I can't help feeling that there's a better way to tell these stories than straightforwardly chronological.
Fortunately, what it lacks in plot, it makes up for in character. It's easy to see how Lestat surpassed Louis as the primary protagonist of the series because he's just that kind of character. What author--human or vampire--could ever hold him back? I love that he always reacts in the most extreme fashions, and that his reaction is usually rage and/or laughter instead of fear or reason. He rebels against everything, even if it makes sense, and the only reason his impulsiveness hasn't killed him yet is that he's usually as good as he thinks he is. He's (perhaps unintentionally) hilarious, and every bit the drama queen and attention-seeker that Louis made him out to be in Interview--though perhaps not quite the villain. He's also quite sympathetic in his mission to find meaning and to only slay the "evildoers" of the world.
Gabrielle is also a force to be reckoned with. I love how her vampire transformation comes about (because, without spoilers, is that not exactly what most of us would do in Lestat's position?), and I love the way it sets her free. As an aristocratic woman in the 18th century, she's been in a cage all her life, and now she can go anywhere, do anything, and there's not a force on earth that can stop her. While I wish she'd played more of a role in the second half of the book, I'm happy to see a female character (in a series with so few of them) get exactly what she wants. Armand is difficult to get a handle on in spite of the additional backstory we have here, but he's a convincing villain. I was bored throughout Marius's backstory, but I like him as well. Heâs sort of this kindly grandfather vampire figure--though he makes some frankly outdated and sexist remarks about women. Clearly, this man has not yet met Gabrielle, or she'd set him right.
If the entire book was as fast-paced and compelling as the last fifty pages, I would have flown through it. I suspect I could have read an entire book of Lestat's reflections on his time with Louis and Claudia, and Louis reappearing basically made the whole book for me. Original Vampire Boyfriends. I had no idea this series was so gay, in the best way; pretty much all the vampires are men, and theyâre all in love with each other. (And Lestat, predictably: Bitch, you're going to lose that uglyass sweater before the next time I see you.) The narrative also, finally, circles back to Lestat's newfound career as a rockstar. Truly, there is no better job for this raging diva. The end scene is quite the cliffhanger, and I'm hoping that The Queen of the Damned is lighter on the history and focuses on the events happening in real-time, as it were. I'll stick with the series, but I stand by my conviction that one of these a year, each October, is plenty.
Oh-- one question. Where the hell is Daniel? He set off to find Lestat at the end of Louis's story, and... was never heard from again? Did Armand eat him? He's kind of a bastard like that. (Just kidding, donât tell me. I know he resurfaces at some point. Maybe Lestat didnât mention it because it wasnât Important to His Journey.)
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I would like to read that very angry post and learn the two rules.
Okay, so, I was GOING to be all âHere are my well composed argumentsâ about this, but⌠honestly, Iâm still digesting the specifics of Brienneâs story in 8x06 and getting caught up on âSoo, weâre going with the shallowest interpretation of her characterâs desires and also kinda just making her Jaime 2.0: The Just Editionâ (more on this rant LATER, because oh it was so much worse than I thought when I read the leaks), so instead yâall get a slightly edited version of the Angry Screaming I sent a friend a few days ago. Buckle up, I am Riled.
A pre-rant noteâmy husband woke up this morning, checked his phone, and looked at me like a man who had Seen Some Shit. âThe leaks were right.â He has never watched Game of Thrones (heâs been waiting until the show is done, and Iâm pretty sure season 8 killed his plans to binge it), but honestly I can think of no better way to sum up this experience.
(Fucking MOOD, Jon.)
So, first off, I do not expect a lot from Game of Thrones. The visuals are amazing, the actors are top notch, but there have always been issues with the plot, with misogyny, etc. What has made me so ANGRY about this season is that it thumbs its nose at storytelling as a craft. I expected it to be dumb. I did not expect it to be âWow, my nine year old literally has a better grasp on constructing storiesâ dumb. #subvertedexpectations (As an aside, I could turn this into a series of rants about the different elements of storytelling and how season 8 fucked them up, but honestly Iâd rather lose a fucking hand and I still have a spite fic to write to fix what I can. So weâll have to content ourselves with this rant, and if husband ever DOES binge the show Iâll save the others as a reward for surviving the experience.)
Second of all, I want to make this clear that any writing rule can be broken (some I donât believe SHOULD be, which is what started this rant, but they CAN), but you must understand the rules you are breaking and why. And you canât break all of them at once. I have seen exactly zero evidence this is true for D&D, those talentless hacks.
Now, onto the two rules for character arcs that should never be messed with because they are SO structurally important, and theyâve fucked over both repeatedly throughout season 8:
(1) A character must always want something. They absolutely do not need to GET it, but they need to want it. Hell, NOT getting it is basically the definition of tragedy.(2) A character getting what they want should not result in âGuess their story is over, we can kill them or write them offâ
This applies to SO MANY of the characters right now, but Iâm going to use Jaime as an example of (1) and Brienne as an example of (2) because honestly thatâs the only plot Iâve followed with any enthusiasm. (There are definitely better examples of (2) within the show, but I used Brienne as an example in the original rant and Iâm carrying that over. Because Brienne. Fight me.)
RULE ONE: A character must always want something.
Jaimeâs arc has been about redemption, about listening to his own morals instead of the poisonous family first that has been dripped in his ear for decades. The setup is all thereâa brash kid who is forced to make a call between his own morals (not burning half a million innocent people) and the oaths he made (to protect the king), makes it, and is reviled for it because the truth is never revealed. He falls further into this âFamily above all elseâ mindset because heâs been groomed since childhood for this. Thereâs like a whole meta post from me in the Lannisters and abuse, but people better than I have gone there before. For this post, âJaimeâs arc is about redemption, a redemption he doesnât always BELIEVE in but has been a core of his character from season 1â suffices.
His death absolutely should have been about this redemption. Whether he succeeds and kills his sister and lives, or kills his sister at the cost of his own life, or he gets there and the decades of brainwashing means that he falters at the final hurdle⌠THAT doesnât matter, so much, but the impetus absolutely should have been DRIVEN by that need for redemption. Have him go south because he needs to save innocents, or even the family of choice (THERE IS A FAMILY OF CHOICE SCENE IN THE FUCKING EPISODE!!!) Hell, have him SEE saving Cersei as redemption. (I mean, that would be fucking stupid beyond stupid, but it wouldnât insult me on a crafting level.) Just⌠donât go âHeâs happy, guess itâs time for a relapse we lay no groundwork for, and then handwave with forgiveness from a female character becauseâŚsheâs so good and pure? We want to pretend we are deep?â There is no tragedy in Jaimeâs death because they moved the goalposts at the very last second.
(As an aside, the Very Dear Friend subjected to this rant responded to this portion of my ire with âWhy would they do that? Itâs so meaninglessâ, and all I could say was âBecause itâs ~*~sHocKinG~*~ that way. NO, YOU BASTARDS. You make it shocking by laying the groundwork and then subverting our hopes at the last second, but THE GROUNDWORK NEEDS TO BE THERE. YOU NEED TO USE OUR CULTURAL UNDERSTANDING OF STORIES.â This was the toned down version of my actual thoughts, because Very Dear Friend is genuinely dear to me and does not need to know the depths of my creative cursing.)
RULE TWO: A character getting what they want should not be the end of their story.
As for Brienne⌠she is such an interesting character because sheâs SO driven by her own morality. She wants, desperately, to be a knight. Not just BE knighted, but to embody the spirit of knighthood. She gets that knighthood from someone she respects, deeplyâsheâs one of the few people who truly knows about Jaimeâs struggle with morality vs oaths and has utter faith in himâand so she gets what she wants. Great, right? WRONG. We are at Unbreakable Rule #2âa character who gets what they want should not then have nowhere to go.
NBâthe original rant here was far more articulate and focused on how this rule is broken, but we might descend into slathering rage instead. Because the ending (oh god, seriously, like I said, Iâm still digesting the depth of the shit in this because on a surface level it seems happy but itâs really fucking terrible) puts her in this horrible stagnation that is more focused on title than her actual character. She didnât necessarily want to be a Kingsguard, she wanted to be a Kingsguard for a king she believed in. And, like, she had a say in electing Bran? (Rereading this rant--thatâs a weird phrasing. Iâll deal with it later) But that whole thing makes no sense (âI canât be lord of Winterfell because Iâm the Three Eyed Raven, but I can totally be Kingâ ??? I just⌠honestly, my brain is not computing this well.) and I just⌠CAN WE FUCKING TALK ABOUT HOW SHE HAS PREVIOUSLY PLEDGED HERSELF TO PEOPLE WHO ARE IN SOME WAY VULNERABLE??? Seriously, who has she pledged oaths to before now? A gay man and women. Because that was always fucking important to me, and this is just⌠no.
The ending as it is basically just makes her Replacement Jaimeâa highborn heir who instead takes the role of Kingsguard, but donât worry guys sheâs so Noble and Caring that she absolves Jaime of his sins by writing his story in the book. Whereâs the fucking vomit emoji? (Donât get me wrong, that scene is emotional and moving and honestly FUCK YOU GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE FOR BEING SO LOVELY AND TALENTED, but in the wider context of this show I just cannot see it as a good thing.)
I just⌠look, in my rant a few days ago Iâd read the leaks, but I still had some hopes the ending would be better on screen; right now I canât even articulate the number of levels it bothers me on, so just know that I SHOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING HAPPY WITH HER ENDING! But Iâm not, because it is this surface level understanding of what she desires from knighthood, and there is this⌠okay, so, Iâm articulating this TERRIBLY because the original rant was solid but did not account for fuckery, but you know what Brienneâs ending made me think of? Nikolaj Coster-Waldauâs interviews where he would fight for Jaimeâs character and basically get told to shut up and follow the script. THAT is what Brienneâs ending feels like to me, and it shouldnât.  She should have places to GO and GROW from here. Like, there are SO MANY things they could do with these characters that are surprising. Hell, imagine Brienne getting this knighthood and then getting presented with a similar situation to Jaimeâdoes she keep an oath or to her own morals? Make it a smaller scale so that the answer isnât so simple, have knighthood become shades of grey she never really understoodâshe gets what she wants, but itâs not simple. Boom, her story will go on after the end credits.
(I also have Capital I Issues with the narrative surrounding her love life and gender and⌠seriously, this could have been a motherfucking SERIES of rants. I could do a weekâs worth just on how they did Brienne dirty)
RULE THREE: If you make me spend over an hour trying to present a coherent explanation for why your writing sucks and Iâve barely scratched the surface, you donât get to write anything ever again. Sorry, I make the rules and I have decreed it so. All in agreement, raise your hand.
#I don't even go here#game of thrones spoilers#writing#Brienne of Tarth#(and my heart)#Jaime Lannister Deserved Better#(still a fucking tag)#(though that one scene was A Lot To Digest)#game of thrones#you can break writing rules#BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT AND WHY YOU ARE BREAKING THEM#or keep it between yourself and the 10 other Angsty White Dudes in your Creative Writing 101 class
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Shows With Good LGBT+ Rep
Now for starters, Iâll admit that I do not watch Riverdale. I tried it, didnât like it, thatâs basically it. The show does have LGBT rep (but not ace rep), I would never dismiss that, but they make sure to do the bare minimum. Based off the people I follow who are fans, scenes for the characters, more specifically Chonie (Cheryl x Toni), are either constantly deleted or they are nonexistent.Â
They have romantic scenes together but not nearly as many as the rest of the leading cast. This matters because one of the girl in the relationship, Cheryl, is advertised as a main, but yet sheâs treated as a side character, and Toni is given even less. From what Iâve heard of the show, they dedicate an immense amount of time to the pairings of the main characters, but this focus does not seem to apply to Cheryl and her relationship with Toni. This applies to them as individual characters and as a pairing, as Iâve heard that neither character get much screen time.Â
I understand wanting representation and I understand wanting to support representation, but the point that Iâm trying to make is that Riverdale is not the show to put your desire and need into because they will never give the proper treatment or storylines that these characters and relationships they deserve. You can still watch but just know that there are shows out there with much better rep. So Iâm here today, writing this long essay that no one asked for, to inform you guys of LGBT+ rep that actually gets treated well by their writers and is given the screentime and love they deserve.Â
Warning: Some of these shows have been cancelled. If they do not say theyâve been cancelled, then that either means the show is still going or that it ended on itâs own terms.
Also this list does not include shows with the bury your gays trope.
Feel free to add on! This list is mainly comprised of some of my favorites. I tried to very best on the descriptions but I am a tired student with little free time.Â
#1: The Bold Type ~ Kat x Adena
Kat Edison, the head of the social media department of Scarlet magazine, meets Adena El-Amin, a proud Muslim lesbian photographer in episode one. The two bond and grow closer and closer, eventually causing the âout and proud heteroâ Kat to question her sexuality and acknowledge her romantic feelings for Adena. Adena, as I said earlier, is a lesbian and Kat is bisexual.Â
#2: Black Lightning ~ Anissa x Grace
Ah, the first black lesbian superhero! The second season is currently airing on Tuesdayâs at 9pm on the CW. Being the daughter of the infamous vigilante Black Lighting has itâs unexpected perks, like having superpowers! The intelligent activist Anissa Pierce discovers her powers of super strength and decides to use them for good and defend her city under the name of Thunder.
Grace Choi was in a few episodes of season one, but her relationship status as girlfriends with Anissa in the comics assures us that she will be coming back and we will see her and Anissaâs relationship develop further.
#3: Doctor Who ~ Bill x Heather
Throughout all of time and space, these two manage to come back to each other. After being split up by an alien in âPilotâ, Heather comes back to Billâs rescue in the season finale, kissing her and making her immortal, leaving the both of them to travel across the universe together. Their journey has sadly come to an end in the series, but it came to a spectacular and happy one!
#4: BBC Class ~ Charlie x Matteusz
Part of the Doctor Who universe comes Class, a teenage sci-fi drama that takes place in Shoreditch. Now, first I should say that this is one of my favorite shows and you donât need to watch Doctor Who in order to watch it. It is its own separate show.
Charlie Smith, an alien prince from the planet Rhodia, comes to earth to escape the Shadowkin, the monsters that killed his race. Him and the only other survivor of his planet, Miss Quill, come to earth and are instructed by the Doctor to hide themselves as human. Charlie attends Coal Hill Academy while Quill teaches.
Once prom comes around, Charlie asks the Polish boy, Matteusz, to be his date. The prom is hijacked by the Shadowkin and it is revealed to Matteusz that Charlie is an alien, but he doesnât mind because it does not change the way he feels about him. The two continue to date throughout the series whilst fighting off aliens with four of their friends and Miss Quill
This show has been cancelled, but audios have been made since then to fill in the gaps between episodes and there is a chance there might be more! Also there are three books!
#5: In The Flesh ~ Kieren x Simon
The dead have come back to life! Kieren and Simon are both PDS sufferers, meaning they have partially deceased syndrome, meaning that they died and were brought back to life. Series 1 is centered on Kieren Walker, a 18 year old boy who died back in 2009, who is adjusting to his new zombie life and dealing with the people who want him back in the ground.
In series 2, Simon is introduced as a part of an PDS activist who is fighting for equal treatment for PDS sufferers while trying to find the first risen to bring on the second rising. Connected by a mutual friend, Simon and Kieren are introduced to each other, and the two strike up a relationship which develops into something romantic.
#6: Faking It ~ Multiple Characters
In an attempt to gain popularity, Karma and Amy fake being lesbians, but after a kiss at the schoolâs prep rally, Amy realizes that she isnât as straight as she thought she was. In fact, she is head over heels in love with her childhood best friend, Karma. She confides in the out and proud Shane about her feelings for Karma and asks for advice on how to get a girlfriend. This show, while not always perfect, is incredibly diverse. Amy is bisexual, Shane is gay, Lauren is intersex, and in season 3, Shane forms a crush on the new student, Noah, and after their first kiss Noah comes out as trans to Shane.Â
The show was unfortunately cancelled after three seasons, leaving much of the story still left unsaid, but the show still has an enjoyable and satisfying ending, even if it wasnât the ending the creator wanted. The creatorâs ideal ending, had he been given the chance to write it, was that Karma would eventually realize that she herself is bisexual too.Â
#7: Hit The Floor ~Multiple Characters
Jude x Zero
Junior sports agent Jude Kinkade brings basketball sports star Zero to LA on the promise to be a star. One night in a limo before Zero flies to an away game, Jude, to his surprise, kisses Zero. When Zero comes back, the two begin a friends with benefits relationship that develops into something deeper, and the two fall in love.
Lionel x Eve
Lionelâs sexuality has never been explicitly stated in the show. She had sex with many men and the majority of viewers assumed she was straight. That was until the cunning Eve came in. The two decide after a brief meeting to go and get drinks together which ends up with them having sex. Later, Lionel admits to Jude, that she has slept with many women before Eve. Their relationship is complicated and itâs much different from the other relationships on the show.Â
Jude x Noah
Due to the showâs unexpected renewal and switch from VH1 to BET, not all actors returned. Adam Senn (Zero) did not want to return, but never fear, because the showâs creator wasnât about to let the beautiful Jude Kinkade go to waste!
A year after his break up with Zero, Judeâs best friend Lionel takes him out for drinks in the hopes to find him a hunk and get him laid. Later that night, Jude and Noah meet, hook up, and move on with their lives. Until the next day when Jude sees Noah at the Devils arena and finds out that the two will be working together.Â
Hit The Floor has not been renewed or cancelled.
#8: Wynonna Earp ~ Multiple Characters
Waverly x NicoleÂ
iâm sure many of you have heard of these two, but incase you havenât, let me introduce you to Waverly and Nicole! Waverly, the younger sister to the Earp heir, and Nicole, a sheriff at the Purgatory police department, strike up a romantic relationship after Waverly ends things with her shitty boyfriend Champ. These two are so cute and are head over heels in love with each other.Â
Jeremy x Robin
Jeremy is introduced in season 2 and Robin is introduced in season 3. After discovering a murder tree, Robin goes to the police station in search of help. Directed to Jeremy, Robin explains everything he saw, then the two go on a date to investigate the murder tree, and after that the two become boyfriends.
Warning: The show, while amazing with LGBT characters, does not treat their POC characters well.Â
#11: Brooklyn Nine-Nine ~ Holt and Rosa
Raymond Holt is captain of the 99th precinct. He is married to his longtime partner Kevin, who often guest stars on the show, and the two of them are truly iconic. Holt has fought hard for gay rights in the police department since joined the force. As a out gay black man, Holt had to fight and work hard to get to his position as captain.Â
Rosa Diaz is bisexual and she is played by a bisexual actress. Rosa is a secretive, hard, ruthless, and a soft bean of a character. She is one of the key characters to the Nine-Nine. She has yet to have a steady girlfriend but hereâs to hoping that she will have one next season!
#10: BBC Cuffs ~ Multiple Characters
Jake x Simon
Donât sleep with the enemy. New PC Officer, Jake Vickers, joins the police force and meets the well known and disliked solicitor, Simon Reddington. Despite the fact that they are on opposing sides that hate each other, the two begin dating. They try to keep their professional life out of their relationship to avoid conflict. But alas, thatâs where the sweet angst comes in.Â
Donna x AlisonÂ
The time these two start dating it unclear, but when the show begins it is said that theyâve been together for a few years. Theyâve been living happily together for quite some time. Donna is part of the main cast as a police officer and is given a lot of screen time in action. Alison is a side character who makes a few appearances throughout the show but her interactions with Donna are sweet, beautiful, and realistic.Â
This show has been cancelled.
#11: Shadowhunters ~ Magnus x Alec
Ghaad, these two are the best. A gay shadowhunter and a bisexual warlock fall in love. Malec has good communication. Magnus and Alec have their own storyline and a storyline with each other, making them both equally important and have intimate/emotional scenes. The show also makes sure to tackle harmful bisexual stereotypes. (Thanks to @spicychipsdemon for helping me write this one.)
This show has been cancelled but itâs being given a special to wrap up the story.
#12: Superstore ~ Mateo x Jeff
An employee and district manager meet at the Cloud 9 store during a strike. Mateo is a out gay man and so is Jeff, the thing is that his cannot date the employees at the store so the two of them keep their relationship private from the other coworkers, because they would not be able to keep it a secret from Jeffâs boss. These two are actually really cute and theyâre hilarious and underrated to be quite honest.
#15: Orphan Black ~ Multiple Characters
Besides the white girl dreads, these two are nice. They are the sci-fi couple that beat the shit out of the bury your gays trope. A clone and a woman who is assigned to look after that clone, uncoincidentally meet. What starts as an assignment is developed into something much deeper, leading Delphine to realize sheâs bisexual. These two are happily living their life making crazy science with each other.
There are more LGBT characters in the show. There is a trans clone but unfortunately he is only in one episode. One of the main clones, Sarah is revealed to be bisexual in s4 and her foster brother Felix, a series regular, is gay.Â
#16: Picnic at Hanging Rock ~ Multiple CharactersÂ
Three schoolgirls and their governesses mysteriously disappear on Valentines Day in 1900 at the infamous Hanging Rock. This show, while slow in some areas, transformed the 1967 book written by Joan Lindsay. What was initially about the disappearance of three girls and the attempt to find them was changed into a six part series about the repression of sexuality and expression of young girls. Miranda, Irma, and Marion, are the three young women that go missing, and they are all lesbians. There are two more characters in the story: Mike and Albert. They had a close relationship in the book but the tv show made their relationship canonically romantic.Â
The show does suffer in the sense that hetero couples that barely existed in the book get more screen time and make out sessions than they should. I included this show because character wise itâs so drastic from itâs original content and it ends up putting wayyyy more focus on the girls than the book did. It turned a simple plot into a meaningful story about gender roles and sexuality and three girls trying to break free of them and two boys falling in love and running away together. Not a perfect show, but damn if it didnât do some things right. Still recommend.
This show is a miniseries. Unlike other series, it ends where the book ends.
#17: One Day At A Time ~ Elena x Syd
If you havenât watched these two then I donât know wtf youâre doing. This show is precious and they are precious and god just watch it already honestly. Elena is a lesbian and Syd is a non-binary lesbian. Once a criminal breaks loose and the two have to cancel their plans to go to comic con, the two are trapped in their home with the rest of their family. As the evening builds up, Elena finally gets the courage to kiss Syd.
#18: Crashing ~ Sam x Fred
This show and this relationship is f*cking wild and itâs amazing. The show surrounds a group of people who are guardians to an abandoned hospital and they live in it. Sam meets Fred on his birthday when the two are paired up for a scavenger hunt. They relationship is odd at first with Sam constantly flirting with Fred and blatantly ignoring his feelings for him. These feelings rise to the surface and force Sam to confront them when Fred gets a rich bf who wants them to move in together.Â
This show has been cancelled. The show does not end with a cliffhanger. The show does end with Sam finally leaning in a kissing Fred.Â
#19: Charmed (2018) ~ Mel x Niko
Now this show is only one episode in so who knows where this show and relationship will go but itâs off to a good start with having the Mel and Nico relationship as the only romantic relationship in the show so far. I did not pay attention to the advertising of this show but as far as I know the show kept this relationship under wraps as a happy surprise for itâs premiere. The pilot has itâs flaws but it is cute, and to me personally, it works for me better than the original. These two have been dating for a while. Nico is a detective while Mel is just finding out months after her mothers death that she is a witch. A lot is going on. The pilot was interesting enough to get me to continue. The sisters are amazing and I hope the writers keep this relationship up front. This show not only has a lesbian relationship as itâs main love story right now but the three sisters are all women of color.Â
This show and the actresses have been facing a lot of racist backlash so any support to ensure a future seasons be amazing!
#20: The Halcyon ~ Toby x Adil
(Ayyyeeee I got to use my own gif go follow at @tlmedits please)
Honestly f*ck BBC for cancelling so many good shows with LGBT characters. The Halcyon is a tv show that takes place during the 1940â˛s. Now, unlike many other periodic shows, this one is diverse, including poc and gay characters in the cast and giving them good storylines. The Halycon hotel is own by the Hamilton family, and Toby is the youngest son. Adil is a bartender in the hotel lobby. One night, while Toby is hiding from a woman his mother had set him up with, he runs into Adil who then kisses him. The two the next day begin a relationship.Â
As I mentioned before, this show was cancelled.
#The Bold Type#Black Lightning#Doctor Who#BBC Class#In The Flesh#Faking It#Hit The Floor#Wynonna Earp#BBC Cuffs#Superstore#Orphan Black#Picnic at Hanging Rock#One Day At A Time#Crashing#Charmed
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Conclusions from this latest episode of the Flash
 -Cisco has always been treated not so great but itâs just been getting worse and worse (and Iâm not hating on Harry, I truly donât think he wouldâve acted that horribly if it werenât for the cap, and he really does care about Cisco). If they donât address what went down next week Iâll track down the writers and Fight them allÂ
 -That said JOE IS MY FREAKING HERO. Iâve loved Joe since day one and heâs only gotten better. Seeing him be so caring and standing up for Cisco but also clearly doing it out of love for Harry and not being a jerk to him either bc he knows this isnât who Harry is??? Iâm criÂ
 -A lot of people are hating on Harry so hereâs some thoughts on that. First off, I donât want to invalidate anyoneâs reactions to his treatment of Cisco, esp lately, because theyâre valid. That scene with Harry pushing him around in this was v abusive and potentially triggering and Iâm not ok with it either. In my opinion, thatâs not who Harry is and while yes, he has anger issues and has treated Cisco badly in the past, I think he (especially now, after some growth as a person and part of the team) would never normally act like that. His self-loathing and fear and anger have been building up and with every defeat they worsen. Cecile really started to break through that a little, but the thinking cap backtracked a lot of that, heightening every awful, angry, impulsive urge in him like real addiction absolutely does. But again, thatâs NOT who he is. Heâs an insecure, emotionally distant, rude but caring dad whoâs at least trying to be better. And i believe that if Joe and Cecile keep it up and if the team all work with him he can get back on track.Â
-Iris just keeps getting more badass and I love it?? Sheâs come so far. I donât know when I started liking her but sheâs a real hero (and Candice is also a beautiful badass queen) and Iâm so glad that sheâs become such a leader. Highlights of this episode for her- definitely the explosive earrings wtf thatâs so badass?? I wanna see more of her and Cisco teaming up. Also her fight with Marlize, such a gorgeously shot scene and also just so badass and wonderful?? That said how tf does everyone keep getting stabbed and being fine two seconds later weâre not all Barry Allen?!?Â
 -Iâm still waiting for Marlize to turn good but this episode didnât do much for that. Also when did she become a badass sword fighter?? Idk how I feel about it, but like she was hot so Iâm not complaining (not trying to objectify her or anything but gorgeous intelligent women of color being badasses and fighting? Yes please. Yeah maybe I shouldnât have enjoyed that scene between her and iris so much but what can I do Iâm fuckin gay yâall).Â
 -Honestly Ralph was fuckin annoying, I know, but he was trying. At least in the last couple episodes. Maybe he was a dick but he wanted to be better and he saw team flash as the family/friends he never had and then as soon as they started to redeem him?? They killed him off (most likely, they could maybe bring him back if they stop the thinker and somehow get him to leave ralphâs body idk how that would be possible but it seems like something they might try to do)?! Iâm pissed. I hate when writers do that. Itâs like stopping a book right at the most climactic point and just never finishing it. UghhÂ
 -I love (1) tough yet soft superdad, and thatâs joe west. Seriously can he adopt me?? Heâs such a good dad and heâs so gentle and caring and yet also is a badass cop who fuckin kicked that samuroidâs ass? Also the only one who currently is actively being good to Cisco?? Like Caitlin is always sweet to him but sheâs not really paying much attention to him lately. And Harry and him have been making progress but the heckin cap had to fuck everything up and I think Cisco might (rightly) need some time to trust him again. But Joeâs just? Not only a friend to Cisco but watching out for him and standing up for him, also comforting him when everyone else is too preoccupied?? Just stab me in the heart alreadyÂ
-killer frost is gone?? What? Honestly that little shot with the notes made me tear up. I donât understand at all why her and Caitlin are two different personas but I was really starting to enjoy that development, Frostâs snarky toughness countered by Caitlin soft sweetness and then learning to love and accept one another?? And have inside jokes??! They better fix this they were building up a lot of good stuff there I donât wanna believe it's just doneÂ
 Well that was long a repetitive and emotional but what else is new.Â
#The flash#spoilers#Cisco Ramon#Harry wells#joe west#iris west-Allen#Ralph dibny#Barry Allen#Caitlin snow#killer frost#Clifford devoe#Marlize devoe#Harrisco#abusive behavior#abuse mention#violence mention#a lot of swearing
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the promised summary of Smoke, Soil or Sacrifices. [tw: a lot of child abuse in a dysfunctional family, mentioned suicide]
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The narrator is Natsukawa Shirou [ ĺĽć´Ľĺˇ ĺé], an ER surgeon working in San Diego. You know the type: workaholic with a god complex, wearing Armani coats and having casual sex left and right, but also constantly sleep-deprived and popping anxiety pills like its candy. He has deep-seated aggression issues that even he himself is afraid of getting out of control, and to manage it he trained boxing for a while before a gang drove him out of the gym (long story). As his name implies, he's the youngest of four brothers - in order of birth: Ichirou [ä¸é], Jirou [äşé], Saburou [ä¸é] and him, Shirou [ĺé] - but since he's working in the USA, he hasn't seen his family for a while.
One winter day Shirou learns that back in Japan, his mother got seriously hurt and is currently in a coma. He flies back to his Japan hometown, Nishi Akatsuki, meets with an old classmate Takaya Yoshio (who everybody calls âRupanâ, like Lupin the Third, after he once wrote that word instead of ârenessainceâ on a test), and learns that thereâs more to the attack: someone has been attacking the women of Nishi Akatsuki, hitting them in the back of the head and then partially burying them in the ground. None of the five victims died, but most were still unconscious, and no one saw the attacker. Even if his mother is alive, Shirou gets so furious about the attack that he nearly destroys Rupanâs car before he can calm himself down; he really does have violence issues. (Also Rupan is dating a high schooler Yamaguchi Usagi behind his wifeâs back and Shirou has a really bad feeling about it).
We learn a little about the Natsukawa family. Theyâre descended from a German immigrant Hans who left them two things: first, ridiculous for Japanese standards height (the brothers are all >185cm tall); second, a mysterious warehouse with triangle-shaped floor and ceiling that he built next to the family house. Its history is grim: Hansâs son Daimaru (大丸) hanged himself inside the warehouse, and then Daimaruâs son, Maruo (丸é, the narratorâs father) tended to close one of his kids inside a lot for misbehaving. Shirou remembers Maruo, and thinks about how as a kid he saw that his fatherâs body was scarred all over, which Maruo claimed was a remainder of injuries from one or another war.
Shirou has a reunion with two of his brothers, Ichirou and Saburou. Jirou, the second oldest, has mysteriously disappeared at 17 and nobody has seen him since, it seems. Ichirou is a politician, just like their father Maruo, while Saburou writes mystery novels starring detective Runbaba 12. (Shirou thinks theyâre ridiculous, and remembers one that had the hero looking for his daughter and somehow ending up living with an amnesiac woman and a gay guy, or some nonsense like that.)
---
The serial attacker case is overseen by a Tokyo police officer Marikku Takahiro (çé¸éĺŽ) and a Nagoya prosecutor Shirai Masami (ç˝ç˘ĺ°çž), both Shirouâs old schoolmates. Upon learning the facts about the case from them, Shirou figures out something nobody else realized: if on a map of Nishi Akatsuki you draw lines between some houses of the victims, and draw a spiral based on it, itâll go perfectly through all the victimsâ houses. [Iâm not sure how to explain it in text, so hereâs the map in question -- the numbers are houses:]
Shirou goes to where the origin of the spiral points to, at the shore of the river Shounokawa (not pictured on the map), and finds an empty coffin buried in the ground. He alarms the police and Saburou, who arrives at the scene with his detective friend, Banba Junjirou (çŞĺ ´ 潤äşé). [Interestingly enough, he shares the last two kanji of his first name with Jirou, but it isnât brought up ever -- I donât know if this coincidence is done just for the sake of having a red herring, or will it be important in a later book]. Saburou often affectionately calls Banba âRunbabaâ and it seems he based the character in his books off of him. He originally hired Banba to help find Jirou, the missing brother, but theyâve been unsuccesful so far. Banba doesnât really do anything useful at the scene, only claiming nonsense like the coffin being actually a time machine.
Shirou learns that the serial attacker always makes a photo of the crime scene and writes some nonsensical letters on it, and always puts an animal plushie in the ground next to the victim (so far: sheep, elephant, lion, sheep, koala). Through some truly inspired reasoning Shirou notices that since the victims were only partially buried, their body parts were always kinda sticking out in a grid pattern, and you can âreadâ them like syllabary Braiile code. The resulting message is âMAMATASUKEâ, seemingly a part of âmama tasuketeâ = âhelp me momâ. And if you treat the letters on the photos as a Caesar cipher key, and pair it in a very complicated way with the names of the victims, youâll get DRMN / NOBT / SZK / SNEO / GIAN... which looks like nothing, but these are abbreviations of famous kids cartoon characters, eg. the first one is Doraemon. Soon after this discovery, they learn that another victim was attacked (incidentally itâs Marikkuâs mother), and the discovered pattern of plushies/words/etc. seems to continue.
Shirou goes to the hospital to visit his mother, meets Ichirou there and they start physically fighting kinda out of nowhere. Not because they hate each other for any reason; just because, it seems, there is something inside them that drives them to violence-as-bonding. After they flee the security, they talk about the case, and wonder if it wasnât their missing brother Jirou whoâs at fault. This conversation sends Shirou on a long trip down memory lane.
---
When Shirou was 9, he took three abandoned puppies home. The brothers were told they couldnât keep them, and so the puppies eventually got entrusted to Jirou (then 12) so heâd find them a good owner somewhere else, but as he later admitted heâd just drowned them in the river instead. Jirou didnât seem to care about the horrible thing he did. In fact, he always did horrible things, like breaking windows in other houses or killing and eating the neighboursâ chickens, and their father Maruo always locked him in the triangle warehouse for that. In primary school Jirou enacted long painful revenge on his bullies, and even called the terror he instilled his âDays of Creationâ, as if the things he did were âa seal given to other by Godâ. But Jirouâs acts were (as present Shirou now thinks) a natural result of the violence that had been bestowed upon him finally exploding.
Jirou had been abused by Maruo ever since he'd been a tiny child; his every mistake was viciously criticized, and he was âjokinglyâ threatened with getting abandoned in the mountains. After some time Maruo started beating him, and while Jirou pretended like he didnât care, it was clear he was terrified and in pain. Ichirou as the oldest brother tried to stop Maruo or get outside help, for years and years, but nothing ever worked.
Eventually one day Maruo seemed to see his mistakes, crying promised to do better and embraced the kids (except Ichirou, who was skeptical and didnât want to take a part in any display like that). Maruo really seemed to behave a little better after that, though mostly he was completely ignoring Jirou now. This caused Jirou to act out in order to get attention, which each time made Maruo close him in the triangle warehouse. Again, Jirou acted like it was nothing, and called the warehouse his âsummer residenceâ, even if all of them were terrified of the dark place that was allegedly haunted by their grandfatherâs ghost. Eventually Jirouâs actions escalated into committing petty crimes, and then all-out violence, though he drew a line at murder.
It was only after Maruoâs motherâs intervention that Maruo finally moved to Tokyo for some time, leaving the kids in her charge. Ichirou started tutoring Jirou and was surprised to find out that Jirou was actually incredibly smart; the boy could recite entire passages from books after flipping through them once, and draw complicated maps from memory. He still walked the path of violence, though, and once Maruo came back from Tokyo, the boy got hit and locked inside the warehouse a lot again. Because of his deeds Jirou at times seemed positively demonic to our young narrator; he even once recited Shirou a poem he wrote, which basically said âhey, remember those puppies? I killed them with a knifeâ (actually it was deeper and more interesting than that, with a hidden promise from the poemâs narrator towards the dead puppies that âif I became god, youâd be the first ones I reviveâ, but obviously talking about that event hurt Shirou a lot all on its own). But even then, Shirou recalls he still held love for Jirou; they were brothers, after all.
Time passed. Ichirou moved toward a political career like his father. Saburou got attacked on the street and had his hand broken, which made him paranoid that somebody from the neighborhood / some organized crime group was out to kill him, but he still laughed at Shirouâs suggestion to run away from home (âand where would we run?â). He ended up ditching the piano that he had always loved playing, and instead got into fights a lot. Jirou by the time of high school was very popular among his peers, infamous among the Fukui policemen, had âfansâ, and often smuggled girls into his bedroom, which again earned him a trip to the warehouse if Maruo caught him.
In 1986, when Jirou was 17, their grandmother (Maruoâs mother, the same who made him leave that one time) was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and stayed in the hospital in constant horrible pain. While Maruo tended to run away from the situation excusing himself with work trips, Jirou unexpectedly stayed by his grandmotherâs side every night. On her death bed, she told her grandsons that âno matter how great or rich a person is, death will turn them into smoke, soil or sacrifices; the burned ones turn into smoke, the buried ones into soil, the others into sacrifices for wild beasts.â She apologized that she couldnât protect the kids better, and thatâs itâs her fault for raising Maruo badly. Then, in pain, she suddenly yelled âDaimaru, who killed you?!â, and then just before death demanded to see Maruo once more, to tell him that heâs still the one she loved the most in the world -- that last dying line was shocking to everyone, but hurt Jirou the most.
From then on, Jirou and Maruoâs conflict escalated even more, with Jirou for some reason starting to blame Maruo for Daimaruâs sucide. On 19 December the two started a horrible furniture-breaking physical fight while Saburou and Shirou could only helplessly watch. Suddenly their mother entered the scene with a knife in her hand, but she didnât use it to stop the fight or otherwise help Jirou, who was looking at her with hope. Instead she screamed that it was Jirou she felt like stabbing, that it was all his fault and he should apologize to his father. Jirou didnât intend to apologize (instead yelling that maybe itâd be better if heâd never been born), and the situation ended in Maruo brutalizing him and still bleeding throwing into the warehouse.
The next morning, Jirou couldnât be found anywhere, as if he just vanished from the locked warehouse, and if the other brothers were honest, they were actually pretty glad about that.
--
Back in the present day, Shirou notices that the way a victimâs head is positioned always points like an arrow to the next crime scene, and tells Shirai to guard the houses the last victim points to.
Shirou then goes to the hospital once more to check on his mother, and surprises himself by crying a lot. Later he meets a nurse called Hatakida Atena that catches his eye with her red coat, but nothing comes out of it (heâs bad at / afraid of / unable to have anything more intimate than purely sexual relationships going on, it seems). Then his mother is visited by another victim of the case, Satou Ryouko, who tearfully recalls her joyful near-death experience she had after being attacked. She saw bright light, felt a warm god-like presence, then wandered through a giant forest and met the dead poet Raymond Carver that she had no prior knowledge about (she even recites his poem âMy Deathâ). An unassuming student called Nozaki Hiroshi approaches them and seems to be very interested in Satouâs experience, asking for an interview, which she agrees to, as she feels the need to share her wonderful experience with the world.
And then thereâs this... out-of-nowhere fragment in which Shirou and Ichirouâs wife Rihoko in the spur of the moment have sex in a random hospital closet (they apparently had an affair two years earlier), and some thugs hired by Ichirouâs political opponents snap pics and try to blackmail Shirou, but he fights them like itâs a damn martial arts movie except with more violence (like âbiting into someoneâs jugularâ kind of violence), and Shirou comes out of it alive but in pretty horrible shape, with the photos destroyed, and what the hell was that?
--
Hitching a ride back to town with Marikku, Shirou realizes that itâs possible itâs actually Marikku whoâs behind the murders, as the sixth victim was his abusive mother, who it seems has still been inflicting physical abuse on him even after all these years. Maybe Marikku figured out the pattern of the attacks early on, and used it to arrange a copycat crime thatâd get blamed on the original culprit? But just as Shirou confronts Marikku, they get into a car accident. Shirou gets some bones broken, while Marikku dies. Shirou isnât sure whether it was suicide or not, but suspects the original culprit may have wanted to get rid of them -- later an investigation of the wreck proves that somebody tampered with the car.
Saburou and Rupan help Shirou make a daring escape from the hospital, and the brothers are having quite a lot of fun working together during that entire scene, even if Shirouâs injuries are so severe he has to fight his body not to faint from pain at times. Later, as they return to Nishi Akatsuki, Saburou admits that he and detective Banba believe the criminal may be Jirou, back to take revenge on the town (Banba didnât disclose more information, as apparently he doesnât like to tell Saburou anything until he has everything figured out). As proof, they found an old paper -- with the exact spiral pattern used in the crime drawn on it -- in the triangle warehouse, so itâs likely Jirou drew that before his disappearance. During the ride the brothers learn from Yamaguchi Usagi that the plushies found with the victims are their corresponding Doubutsu uranai animals (a sort of new hip horoscope that gives you a different animal depending on your date of birth).
Saburou tells Shirou that thereâs another link between the victims: the two women that regained consciousness so far both had a Near-Death Experience (Saburou says itâs super interesting and mentions heâd like to use it in another book of his). Shirou thinks that it may not be a coincidence; maybe the attacker intends on giving the victims NDE like itâs some weird modern ritual, and the plushies serve the same purpose as ritual dolls, as empty vessels to which illness or other bad stuff would be passed? Suddenly Shirou remembers that random Nozaki Hiroshi guy who seemed very happy hearing about NDE from one of the victims, and something clicks. Shirou phones Nozakiâs mother and through some seemingly innocent questions (âWas he in Nishi Akatsuki lately? Does he act like this and this? ...Does he like Doraemon?â) realizes that the serial attacker really is Nozaki. They alert Shirai Masami and local media and rush to Nozakiâs house.
But theyâre too late. In the house instead of Nozaki they find the body of detective Banba stabbed to death twenty one times, and Nozakiâs parents strangled by their own son. It seems Banba had figured out the solution before everyone else, and came to this house yesterday without telling Saburou. (âRest in peace, Runbaba 12,â Shirou thinks reflexively.)
--
In the house they find a note from the criminal, who claims to be fulfilling orders of âthe Great God Jawakutora-sinâ (or Jawakutora-shin), who governs over all human souls, but as those souls are âdirty, unaware, unseeing and ignorantâ, the god wants to make them clean. The cleansing proccess has to start with mothers, so the next generation of humans would hopefully already be âcleanâ. Apparently Nozaki in his childhood had a NDE himself, saw âJawakutoraâs lightâ and understood his guidance. The method involves hitting a precise spot at the back of a personâs head. This causes a âperfect openingâ in the skull to form, through which the soul can briefly fly out and have a NDE, that is, âbe shown realityâ, and also be shown Jawakutoraâs great spiral structure (a spiral being its symbol) -- thatâs the spiral on the map of Nishi Akatsuki. Jawakutora also told Nozaki to do all the other things: bury the victims, write the letters on the photos, and use the plushies (âanimals who have never been given soulsâ. Or something).
While this note shows clearly that the culprit is just some religious fanatic, something bugs Shirou, and he still thinks Jirou may be involved, especially since the two dogs of the family were also killed without any reason.
--
After Banbaâs death, Saburou mourns him and closes himself alone in the triangle warehouse for long periods of time. This unexpectedly allows him to discover something, and he calls Ichirou and Shirou to the warehouse. (Maruo and his wife at that time have a job-related meeting with a few other people in the house). This something is the mystery of their grandfather Daimaruâs death.
As Saburou points out, the old stains left from the corpseâs bodily fluids are spread over a significant area, in an arc, which would mean that the hanging corpse had to somehow move around in a circle. Saburou found out that the ceiling of the warehouse can be moved, independently of the walls, by pressing a hidden button. The ceiling rotates in such a way that the building seen from above eventually looks like a 6-pointed star, which was the warehouseâs purpose in the first place: apparently, their great-grandfather Hans was secretly Jewish, and while he was afraid of persecution if he showed his identity outright, he constructed this mechanism as a great big fuck you to the bigoted society who had no clue a giant Star of David was right under their noses.
When the ceiling is moved, there are large enough gaps in some places that a person can fit through; thatâs how both Jirou and Daimaruâs murderer could get out. Yes, Daimaru was actually murdered -- by his own son Maruo, the son that he had abused for years and years. That abuse was what gave Maruo his scars. The violence instilled on him, which he then passed to his own sons...
While the brothers talk in the warehouse unaware of anything else, Nozaki sneaks into the main house and stabs everyone he runs into, eventually wounding every single person there. Maruo manages to dodge him and runs towards the warehouse, and in the heated moment yells, âIchirou, Jirou, Saburou, Shirou! Run!â. The names of all his sons.
The brothers run out and see Nozaki stab Maruo, and as Ichirou moves to help his father he also gets injured. This makes the other two brothersâ blood boil and they fight Nozaki, with Shirou eventually using the attackerâs own knife to stab him. But Shirouâs job isnât done yet: with help of Saburou he gets everyone moved to one spot, grabs his doctor bag, and through his sheer skills of an ER surgeon, lightning fast decisions and improvising on the spot, he manages to keep everyone including Maruo and Ichirou alive until the ambulance arrives. [And itâs fucking amazing to read.]
--
After Shirou heals physically (he did run away from the hospital earlier, after all), he goes to Rupanâs wife Takaya Mari, whoâs a psychologist, and makes the first step on his way to heal emotionally. He cries like a baby throughout the entire session, finally lets so many emotions pour out chaotically out of him, and leaves with a lot of things in his head finally sorted out.
Later through his own investigation he learns that Jirou is alive and well, now working in the Ministry of Finances under the name âKawaji Natsurouâ, which is so obviously an anagram of âNatsukawa Jirouâ itâs surprising nobody noticed.
...but another romaji spelling of Jirouâs name (âNatsukawa Jiroâ) is also an anagram for âJawakutora-sinâ, and Shirou now understands who was the mastermind behind Nozakiâs actions; who wanted to enact revenge on the mother who in a critical moment turned against him, and most likely on the entire family sooner or later. ...Although Shirou has a feeling he wonât try anything like that anymore.
During the therapy session, Shirou expresses forgiveness towards his father, and wonders whether or not this quick forgiveness isnât just a foolish decision made in spur of the moment, under strong emotions... but after he heard Maruo yell all their names trying to save them in a similar moment of emotions, he has a feeling things will get better. Shirouâs mother hasnât woken up yet, but heâs sure sheâll come out of that wonderful giant forest eventually. The force putting their family together is powerful like gravity -- whether this power wonât just bring another disaster, nobody can tell. Certainly, itâs best if Jirou still keeps as far away from them as itâs possible. Maybe itâd be for the best if every single one of them stayed apart, never had children, and let this cursed family be finally destroyed; maybe itâd be for the best if all that remained was smoke, soil or sacrifices. But itâs not the time to think about death. For now, what matters is that theyâre all alive and have to try and keep on living.
In the end, Shirou calls Atena (the nurse from earlier) and asks her to sleep with him -- literally sleep with him, mostly -- and with the warm and safety, and another personâs heartbeat so close by, he can finally sleep calmly.
#maijo and jdc stuff#this book was actually pretty wholesome?#it had some rough patches but I liked it overall#long post
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Most Demanding Female Roles in Musical Theatre
Hey everyone! Iâm gonna be on vacation for the next few days, so I decided to do some shorter posts and queue them once a day while Iâm gone! If you have suggestions on some shorter articles I could do on the go, feel free to send topics my way! Iâm gonna do a male counterpart to this post, as well as articles for plays.
Iâm going to begin that this is in my personal opinion. Iâm gonna be just kinda going as I think. I will not be ranking these in any way. ALSO this will not only pertain to lead roles! Iâll be looking at everyone!
Letâs Do This
Rose Hovick in Gypsy
Described as the following: âbossy, demanding, horrific, monster,â this role is kind of a no-brainer when it comes to what is considered demanding. Many amazing women of the theatre have played this role: Ethel Merman, Patti LuPone, Tyne Daly, Angela Lansbury, Imelda Staunton, Bernadette Peters, and just this summer, Carolee Carmello and Beth Leavel. The role is fairly vocally demanding. She sings several of the songs and she has to have a strong belt. She doesnât dance much, but what really kills the actress is the acting. Tyne Daly described it as âa prize fightâ. The role is very demanding. You have to be more or less a ham onstage, age at least ten years over the course of the story, and go through the ache of losing your favorite daughter to seeing the one you settle for become a stripper. All onstage. The character is such a facade. She proclaims that she wants whatâs best for her children while she lives vicariously through them. Rose is the prime example of what a stage mother really is. In the final moments of the show, Rose has a mental breakdown in âRoseâs Turnâ envisioning herself performing in front of an audience, followed by Louise and her reconciling in the end.
Edith Ewing Bouvier Beale/Edith Bouvier Beale in Grey Gardens
Christine Ebersole originated the mammoth of a role in the screen-to-stage adaptation of the timeless documentary in a dual role, playing âBig Edieâ in Act One and âLittle Edieâ in Act Two. One thing that makes this role demanding is that these people sheâs playing were real people who know what these people did, looked like, and sounded like, and if it doesnât meet expectations, they walk away unsatisfied. The acting in this role is different because of the switch between characters between acts, but the demand for both characters is still there. Big Edie is detrimental in Act One as she tears apart Little Edieâs dreams, then the actress plays Little Edie in Act Two as a woman in her fifties, who reluctantly takes care of her mother despite the hurt she harbors. The actress has to have great comic chops and the ability to impersonate Little Edie in particular. The actress also has to have a very versatile voice to match the elegant Soprano of Big Edie and the squawky timbre (which sweetens quickly) of Little Edie. This is truly a fantastic role.
Margaret Johnson in The Light in the Piazza
This phenomenal woman decided to take her daughter on a trip to Italy, only to discover it wouldnât be as much of a trip as it was a move. Margaret takes care of her daughter Clara, who is developmentally stalled. In a heartbreaking monologue in Act Two, Margaret explains that at Claraâs birthday party, they ordered a pony for her to play with and show her friends. Margaret went to answer the phone, and the second she wasnât paying attention, the pony kicked Clara in the head, injuring her brain. Margaret, while in some cases overprotective, wants whatâs best for her daughter. She goes through many journeys throughout the story. She watches her daughter grow up before her eyes, realizes the dissolve of her marriage, and ultimately joins a family. There are many asides and monologues that can be dug into and given meaning. This score is notably difficult. Itâs filled with many high and low notes; Margaretâs range spans over two octaves (G3-G#5). Victoria Clark immortalized the role for all to see after it was professionally filmed and broadcast on PBS. Seeing a struggling middle-aged woman as the lead of a show isnât often, and Adam Guettelâs show displays that platform with integrity.
The First Ladies in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
I did a post about this masterpiece of a flop last week. The actress who plays The First Ladies play the following roles: Abigail Adams, Eliza Monroe, and Julia Grant and Lucy Hayes (simultaneously). The actress must have strong Soprano chops, but also be a good character singer, especially for the tour de force, âDuet for Oneâ. This is theatrically and vocally demanding. Bernstein gave us that. Praise.
Elle Woods in Legally Blonde
Some might say that this role is all fluff. I donât agree. Elle is a vivacious human who thinks she knows what she wants, and discovers what she needs along the way. This role has to be a true triple threat, as you have to be able to sustain the demanding score, the constant energy, and multiple ensemble dance numbers. Elle is in almost every single song in the show. She has to dance her butt off. Not to mention that she also has to remain in the bubbly sorority girl archetype, but also becomes a stronger woman who begins to trust herself. Itâs a very demanding role, and I donât need blue hairs coming for me.
Diana Goodman in Next to Normal
Brought to life by one of my favorite actresses, Alice Ripley, Diana provides a story that shows her thoughts under a microscope. She suffers from Bipolar II Disorder that comes along with hallucinations of her deceased son, Gabe. Because of her struggle with mental illness, she pushes her daughter, Natalie, away and affects all those around her. What a woman has to go through as Diana is bare her soul. That role is truly for those who wish to leave it all on the stage. The role has a lot of belting in it, but ultimately is for a Mezzo. The range goes from Gb3-F#5 (yes, theyâre enharmonic, but theyâre written differently), so just on two octaves. Diana goes through several breakdowns throughout the show and ultimately leaves her family in hope that they will be better without her. This takes both a powerhouse actress and singer.
Cunegonde in Candide
This role has been performed by many actresses and singers, but. Cunegonde is the definition of elegant, but just a bit off her nut. She sings one of the most difficult musical theatre songs ever written, âGlitter and Be Gayâ and has several duets with notes almost as high in âWe Are Women,â âOh, Happy We,â and âMake Our Garden Growâ. The score is incredibly difficult, so I would definitely say that this role is very demanding.
Margaret White in Carrie
Yes, I know this show was infamous for being kind of awful, but the place someone has to go to play this part is so dark that itâs scary. A woman like Margaret has clearly been abused of some sort. In fact, the book (I believe, itâs been a while since Iâve read it) reveals that Carrie was conceived by rape. Itâs truly heartbreaking. This woman wants what is best for her daughter, even if she goes through some interesting ways to giver her that. The subtlety an actress has to have to not cross the line of making Margaretâs religion and motives borderline comical is great. The role seems very easy to make a caricature of Christian women over the area. The score in the revised version is quite difficult, calling for Margaret to be a Soprano who also has lower notes and some belting, although thereâs plenty of room for stylistic choice! Iâm just going off of the brilliance of Marin Mazzie. The role is quite demanding for anyone to step into.
Eva Peron in Evita
To play Eva Peron, a woman has to screlt her face off and sustain that for the entire night. The different places her voice would need to go is so vastly different. The range extends from E3-G5 without much of a break. The vocals are very demanding. Since I havenât seen the show live and itâs *mostly* (?) thrusung, Iâm not sure what all vigorous acting has to be done. But oh my Lord, the score is tough.
Trina in Falsettos
I donât even know where to begin about this character. Thereâs very little dancing for the part, but there is just about everything you could think of in the other two departments. Her range spans two octaves, and she has to belt at the top of her range, but also have a nice an strong head voice throughout the show. The acting is very vulnerable. Trina is a person who has been exposed to a lot of hurt throughout her life. She goes through just about everything, and still comes out of it. This is a beautiful and heartbreaking role.
Veronica Sawyer in Heathers
The score in Heathers is pulsing with punk rock and 80s influences. Veronica is a very demanding part because of the plot points that happen to her. Itâs a very interesting and complicated story that I donât want to get into, but just know that this role is a whole step away from having the highest belted note in Musical Theatre history (A5), losing only to Jennifer Simard as Sister Mary Downy in Disaster!, who belts a B5. Veronica goes through a lot in this story, and is in most of the scenes in the show, and is also constantly singing and belting VERY high.
Dolly Gallagher Levi in Hello, Dolly!
I want to preface this with the fact that typically, this role is done by an older woman, so take that into circumstances. This role is loaded with stage time, comic timing, and singing. You have to have great comic chops, and depending on how you do it, one of three things with your singing voice: you can sing it in the original keys down the octave (which is the way it was originally done) which puts you as a super low Alto/Female Tenor, you can do it similar keys that Barbra Streisand did from the movie, taking the range to a Mezzo, or you can be a brave Soprano and sing it in the original Carol Channing keys, but sing everything up the octave. Any of the three are delightful. This is one of my favorite roles, and is TRULY demanding. The emotional journey (while not trolling Mr. Vandergelder) is beautiful for Dolly. She discovers so much about herself and what she becomes after she accepts Ephraimâs death and decides to move on with her life. Itâs just sublime.
Effie Melody White in Dreamgirls
This is another role that would be very easy to make a caricature of. Effie is a troubled and talented woman. The role is very taxing vocally, and also the acting is very intense, especially in Act One. Effie truly has an amazing transformation from a misunderstood starlet to a confident woman. She doesnât have a lot of time offstage until Act Two, and even then, she has an amazing solo.
Bess in Porgy and Bess
I donât want to get into describing the heartbreak that this character goes through. Just know that there are a lot of traumatic events that happen to her and she still finds love (even though it ends different then you want). The score is incredibly demanding, even causing Broadway superstar Audra McDonald vocal problems. This is a fantastic role for an African-American Soprano who has great acting chops.
Dot/Marie in Sunday in the Park with George
Bernadette Peters did this brilliant role on Broadway and it was broadcast to the world on PBS. The dual role that actually switches and then switches back once again is very theatrically and vocally demanding. The role is onstage most of the show and is just very alive and energetic throughout the show, even when she plays an old woman. The beautiful and poetic words that just flow everywhere have so much meaning. Thereâs quite a bit of range that spans through the show as well.
Celie Harris Johnson in The Color Purple
There is such a delicate presence for this role. Celie is like a cat. She starts out like a kitten that is hushed and silenced, but by the end she is a roaring lion that will speak for everyone to hear. I adore the resilience this character has. LaChanze possibly had a lot of pressure to be like the movie. Cynthia Erivo definitely made the role personal to her, and it showed. Celie is a demanding role because of her constant stage time and the relentless score. The character literally spans from an E3 to a G5 in ONE song. Oh my Lord. But what a role. It really is amazing. And demanding.
Iâm sure there are some that people feel I left out, but be sure to message or let me know your thoughts on this!
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Fuck. This is going to be really very long. And I am saying that knowing how long my previous rants were. Those were short compared to whatâs about to come.
I absolutely, completely and unconditionally love Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It is the singular most perfect TV show in existence. Nothing I have ever seen has lived up to it and I doubt anything I will ever see will live up to this show in its whole. This is my second favorite show on my top five list and itâs held that spot for the past fifteen years (which mind sound strange that I put the âmost perfect TV show in existenceâ on spot two, but⌠Iâm fully aware of all the flaws in my most favorite show and that I love that one with my nostalgia goggles on, but it will still always be my number one and not even Buffyâs perfection can kick it off the throne).
Now, just because I love something doesnât mean I perceive it as flawless. I am fully aware of its flaws. But nothing is a hundred percent perfect.
I donât even know where to start, but I think the beginning is the best.
What I hate about most supernatural shows is how âThey are now thrown into this strange, new world with monsters⌠and immediately forget all about their non-supernatural friendsâ that literally every other show with supernatural elements does.
Not Buffy. When she first meets Willow and Xander, the two kind of only had each other and their buffy who gets killed off right at the start. And even then, Willow and Xander were the non-supernatural normal friends. And they became so important.
The fact that Buffy has this group of ordinary people behind her and really just human characters and that they back her up, that alone is awesome.
The Scooby Gang in general is awesome.
That is my favorite thing about the show. The relationships between the characters and how important they are. That the friendship never takes second place to the romance, like how many other shows like to write it. Because regardless of who was added to the plot and who left again, in the very end, it always came down to Buffy, Willow, Xander and Giles and I will always cry at the showâs finale when it is just the four of them, parting ways to go into their very last battle, I mean fuck Iâm crying right now just writing this because it was just so heavy with the emotions and the importance of their friendship.
They are the heart and backbone of this show and the show never forgot it.
Many shows forget themselves, they forget the values and beauty they once represented, the longer the show goes on. And Buffy never did. Sure, it lost itself in the middle - but weâll get to that when we get to that - but it caught itself and never declined fully.
Buffy Summers is an amazing character. Sheâs a girly-girl who loves lollipops and talking about boys and whining. Sheâs the most badass female character ever written in TV who saves the world repeatedly and comes back from the dead just to do it again, who has been beaten down by life in the cruelest ways possible and still kept on surviving but never without the scars. Her struggles were never just shrugged off. They became themes that were being dealt with realistically. For fuckâs sake, we had a plotline about her working at a burger shop because yes, this is a show taking place in reality and bills are something that needs to be paid even if you save the world. She is not a perfect character, she made a lot of bad decisions along the way, but that is what makes her human. She is not some character created for an agenda to show that âgirls can do anything boys canâ and is thus forbidden from doing anything overly girls, as many writers mistakenly do when trying to write strong female characters, because a female is not powerful and strong just because she belittles women who like wearing pink and dressing prettily and who see âgirlâ as an insult. That is not how strong women work.
Women are complex characters, just like every character should be. They donât have to solemnly be one way so they arenât the other way. And Buffy is a beautiful example of the complexity of it all.
Willow Rosenberg is an amazing character. Sheâs one of the characters in TV that had the biggest character development. This shy, demure girl that became the most badass bitch around who could kick your ass into a parallel dimension with the blink of an eye. The fact that she was literally the first lesbian I ever saw only made her more amazing for me. You see, I started watching Buffy with season 4, which first premiered in Germany in 2001, because, well, I was 10 when I started watching that show since earlier was kind of a little too young in my momâs eyes, but sheâs been watching it for years at that point and I kept lingering in the doorway with pleading eyes because vampires and witches and werewolves, mom, please, until I got to watch it. Right in the season where Willow and Tara fell in love. And I was legitimately in awe, because the concept of two women falling in love was new to me. I never met a real life lesbian before and on TV, the highest of their feelings were Will & Grace with the gays, but lesbians? Never seen that before. It was amazing for me.
And I will forever be grateful that Willow and Tara were my first representation of lesbians that I met.
Xander Harris is an amazing characer. I mean, seriously, I could do this for nearly every character but Iâll only be doing it for the Big Three for the sake of time, okay? He was this fearful, dorky, kinda useless normal dude in the beginning, but he had such a strong backbone, he always knew heâd be there for his friends. And he always was. What made him so special was that he wasnât special. He was just A Guy. Where Buffy was the Slayer and Willow became the most powerful witch in existence, he was just a normal guy. The original Matt Donovan and Stiles Stilinski and Simon Lewis (despite him turning into a vampire later on, I will still count him for this category). The quippy human best friend to the supernatural. But he adapted. He found his own place among the supernatural and his own way of prodicing for them, helping them.
It amuses me that actually, I kind of started watching this show with its weakest season. Season 4. But letâs start with the other seasons first (I mean, I warned you guys that this is gonna be long).
Buffy was my first high school TV show. All shows I had watched up to that point were family comedies like Married with Children and Full House. But this was the first real look into how American high schools work and I loved it. The first three seasons in itself are the best of Buffy. Iâm not even able to pick one season as the best because I like the whole stretch of it.
The dynamics, the characters, the villains, the plots.
Cordelia Chase is - argh, I didnât want to do this for every character, so Iâll keep it short - another amazing example at character development. From the shallow, air-headed Barbie to a strong ally and friend who fought with her head held high and I will never forget Angel for ruining her.
And okay, if I take a sentence for Cordelia, I can really, truly not skip Giles. Giles, who will forever be The Mentor. When I hear âmentor figureâ or âfather figureâ, I will always first and foremost think of Giles. He was the father and guide to them all, but he was not the one strong pillar, he too had his struggles. Itâs one of the things that made me love the second Percy Jackson movie because Anthony Stewart Head is who I pictured as Chiron when reading the books and it is the most perfect casting they could have made.
The first three seasons arched beautifully together, tying the struggles of the high school students turned demon hunters, the funny elements and self-awareness, the serious undertones.
The scene at graduation when the class gave Buffy an award for being Class Protector is one of my favorite TV moments, because this⌠this acknowledgment of âYeah, we werenât always there for you and we didnât bother getting to know you, but we know youâre there and we know what you did for usâ and honestly, Iâm crying again, this is ridiculous.
They graduate from high school and then⌠life continues. Like. Life continues in a realistic way. They go to college, or not in Xanderâs case. They struggle with what to do with their lives, they try to find their own paths in what I consider the most realistic portrait in TV. In others, itâs not just âYup, they college. Weâll mention college every now and again, but it never interferes with the demon huntingâ like with most others. Buffy struggles with college work and demon killing, Willow soaks it all up because itâs exactly her world, Xander doesnât know what to do with it, Giles struggles with what to do with his life in general.
Still, I consider season 4 the weakest season because the Initiative was⌠It wasnât used well enough. It appeared and then it kind of disappeared again and in this show where the lore and world-building are so rich and on-point, the Initiative was the one hit and miss they did. Not to mention, I donât like zombies and Adam creeped me out and was the weirdest major Big Bad that they ever had in that show.
But it brought back Spike and made him a more complex character than just âBad guy with bad attitude and insane girlfriendâ.
Which is a good cue-in for the ships and love-stories, actually.
Buffy is and perhaps will always be the only franchise where the love-triangle clicks for me. Angel/Buffy? Yes. Oh god, what a beautiful, tragic love-story, please give me more of them, OTP all the way. Spike/Buffy? Oh, the pain but they are so good for them and when heâs good, heâs the best, please give me more of them, OTP all the way.
I literally can not decide on who to ship her with. With most love-triangles, I either do not care about both options, or I want to cross the badly written female out of the equation and want to dive right into the slash fiction, or thereâs only one good pairing in the options anyway.
The tragicly ironic thing is that for Willow, I have and always will ship her most with Oz though. Willow and Oz were that perfect soft warm ship for me, when I got to finally watch the first three seasons as the reruns hit Germany.
Willow and Tara, while beautiful at times, were also very tragic. The way Willow lied to Tara and manipulated her was just so unhealthy. I do love them together, I just think that I love Oz and Willow a bit more.
Xander is a mess. Like. Seriously. Him and Cordelia. Him and Anya. I can not decide which one I like more in the end, but think that, at this point, it really does become clear that I can cut this show into two parts. The first three seasons of high school where Angel/Buffy, Xander/Cordelia and Oz/Willow are just all the yes, as well as the post graduation seasons where Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara are just all the yes. Which really, truly fascinates me.
Because itâs really rare for a show to get me on board with its canon couples in general. This show does an amazing job on that too.
So, season 4 was kind of flawed in the way the Initiative wasnât grounded enough in this world and how weak its endgame villain came off.
Season 5 brought the legit only thing about this show that I hate. Dawn Summers.
Urgh. It makes me shudder to just think about her. Sheâs such an awful and useless and stupid person. And yes, Iâm saying person here, because âcharacterâ would blame it on the writing and make it sound like sheâs a badly written character, which she is not. She was intended to be the annoying, dumb, useless little sister. Not every character can or has to be flawless or lovable. Sheâs just that⌠one that isnât.
And she just becomes worse in season 6, honestly. She is such a self-centered brat that has no concept of the struggles of others. Like. Yes, I understand that she has problems and that she suffers too, but so does everyone and if someone doesnât have time for her, she acts out. They just⌠They do have a lot on their plates, trying to save the world and keep you from being homeless, you know? Which, okay, was a solid portrayal of an angsty, bratty teen, I suppose, because teenagers, as I recall from my own time as one, are fascinatingly blind for the struggles of adults. Doesnât make her less annoying though.
I take back what I said earlier, about not being able to pick a favorite season. Season 6 is my favorite season, which in itself is baffling. Normally, I pick one of the very early seasons of a show because they keep declining afterward until they crash and burn.
Season 6 did the exact opposite of what other shows do. Where other shows feel the need to top it all off, go wilder and broader and more brutal and bigger enemies until it becomes an unrealistic mess, this one justâŚ
Three human boys.
Thatâs the enemy of the season. Just three stupid idiots who play pranks on the good guys, for the most part. And it was the perfect choice, because instead of having to deal with those major Big Bads, we get the chance to deal with the characters. The one thing I keep complaining about in other shows, how theyâre too overcrowded with plot to even give the characters any time to deal with stuff or interact.
Buffy did it.
They stepped back from the Big Bad in favor of dealing with the bigger issues. Dawn being not a real human and not dealing well with that. Buffy having died and being brought back. Willow becoming addicted to magic. Xander⌠completely fucking up the best thing in his life.
We have character plots in this season.
Character plots that still end in a big battle of epic proportions when Willow literally becomes a Dark Witch powerful enough to destroy the world. But instead of it being some epic battle, itâs one of the⌠quietest fights ever and itâs brought home in such a beautiful way because itâs about grief and loss and pain and love.
And those. Those are the moments that make Buffy the most perfect TV show to me. It never loses its humanity. Maybe the most emotional scene in all of this show happened in season 5, when Joyce Summers died and Anya talked about her death, about the concept of death. That will never cease to make me cry.
And season 7 was the perfect ending. The way it rounded things up, it brought every single thing full circle, all the way to that above mentioned scene of Giles, Buffy, Willow and Xander parting ways before the very final battle, among all the loudness of everyone, it is brought to the forefront one last time that it is them.
The way they solved the whole Slayer thing, the Big Bad they chose for their final season, the development. Nathan Fillion as one of the creepiest bad guys ever. The fact that, even after all those seasons already, Buffy still had a struggle, had to prove herself.
I have one or two major bones to pick with it, because I hated when the group decided âLol, nope, we donât need you, Buffyâ⌠that broke my heart. It breaks my heart every single time I watch it because even her friends tell her they need a break from her. I mean, I love how she found safety and support in Spikeâs arms after that scene, but that it happened at all and that after things of course go wrong without Buffy, they all come crawling back⌠it makes me angry. It was important to bring them all as a team together, but to me it will always feel OoC coming from those she had fought alongside with for seven years, those who should always have her back who always did have her back.
And, when talking about bones to pick, aside from weak season 4 and Dawn Summers, thereâs just one more major thing that I have a problem with.
Hank Summers. For those who forgot because heâs literally only been in two episodes, thatâs Buffyâs dad. Because Buffy has a father. The â(half-)orphanâ-trope is very overused, but I genuinely think this show would have benefitted from it.
Hank Summers does nothing. Not even when his ex-wife dies and his teenage daughter and barely-above-twenty daughter are left all on their own. He doesnât pitch in with money, he doesnât visit, he doesnât even think about taking Dawn in and taking care of her himself.
I mean. Same as with Dawn, it can just be said that he is a Bad Person and a Seriously Bad Dad, but⌠Give me a break, Buffy deserved better than that. Having him be dead would really have been better, especially when Joyce dies and he just⌠âNope, no interest in those kidsâ.
And on that note, let me add Faith (who I accidentally forgot about before). Sheâs... probably the most complex character, because itâs easy to hate her, but itâs also kind of easy to love her. Sheâs definitely the most flawed character and thatâs what makes her good. Because sheâs bad. She gets the same powers as Buffy, but unlike other Slayers, she gets morally corrupted. But she also finds her way again. Sheâs a badass bitch and she definitely brought something new to the table. I loved how flawed she was, because she was not a good person, but when needed, she was one of the good guys. They never pretended to turn her around into a good person though, she always stayed true to herself.
The reason Iâm adding her here is because I feel like she messes up the mythology a little. Part of me really loved how they brought in Kendra after Buffy died, because âWhen the Slayer dies, another Slayer awakensâ and that they remembered to keep with that when Kendra died. But after that, this kind of really fell apart and is one of the biggest plot-holes to the show, in my eyes.
Buffy died three times. But only her first death awakened a new Slayer. Now, you can argue that with that, the mantle was passed on, but... When Buffy came back from the dead, she still had her Slayer abilities. She was still the Slayer, she wasnât suddenly back to being the normal girl she was before she turned sixteen and became the Slayer. So technically, considering she was still the Slayer, her other deaths should have also passed on the mantle and thus awoken two more Slayers.
Not to mention... in the history of Slayers, Buffy was the first one to be brought back to life? I always found that hard to believe. No one ever used CPR or magic on a Slayer before? I doubt it.
So in this very rich and grounded lore and mythology, I have a problem with âWe got Kendra and then we got Faith and... we donât bother explaining why we never got any additional Slayersâ.
Now, as we conclude this, let me wrap up what exactly makes Buffy the Vampire Slayer the most perfect TV show to me.
1.) The superb writing.
Not just the plot as I laid it out above, the way they knew when to step back and when to give character plotlines instead of big and loud action plots. Simply the dialogues alone. This show holds up. Itâs a time-capsule of the 90s, sure, but its writing and dialogues are still funny, emotional, heavy, with exactly the right words chosen. The writing on this show is in every aspect overwhelmingly brilliant.
2.) The characters.
Theyâre individual, theyâre well-developed, they have their own plots and relationships and they are all important, not just the titular character. It inverted tropes with its characters, it managed to put strong female characters out there without having âbeing a strong female characterâ be their only and defining character trades.
3.) The story.
Okay, this is technically part of the writing too, but I think it deserves its special shout-out. Because this show has a consistent lore where not all of a sudden all the time something new is shoehorned in and retconned in and where it comes apart by the seams the more seasons it has because you notice the writers didnât think ahead so far. No, this world is fleshed out, its lore is established and as it is. Itâs consistent.
Yes, itâs not flawless, but damn itâs the closest to flawless that Iâve ever seen.
#ask me a show and I shall rant#TV Rants#Fandom Rants#Buffy the Vampire Slayer#Buffy is basically perfect#Joss Whedon is essentially a genius#We need more strong female characters like Buffy#mystoryandotherrandomthoughts
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My review of A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Maas Read May 2nd - May 7th My rating: 4 out of 5 stars.
                 I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you. I can't believe it's over. This series and characters mean so much to me and even though we are getting the spin-off novels, Feyre and Rhysand story is over. I'm going to rate the book 4 stars for now. It has flaws, but for emotional impact this novel had on me, how truly wonderful it was, it deserves 4 stars. !Fair warning: this review will contain spoilers and lots of critisism on the book.! We are allowed to critisize the things we love, just if you weren't sure. The plot and the narration The book is divided into three parts: Princess of Charrion, Cursebreaker and High Lady. I think the first part was the most captivating. The way Feyre ruined the Spring Court from inside was a sight to behold. When she's back to Velaris though. Naturally, I squealed when Feyre and Rhys reunited, when the whole squad was back together. But I found the following chapters less engaging. There is so much story to be told and we got to see it only from Feyre pov. Meetings with other High Lords were as much fun as I anticipated. It was so great to see other courts and other folks. Day Court, Summer Court and Winer Courts are my favorites. The Autumn Court can and should rot in hell. The final battle was both predictable and emotional. Mind you, I didn't guess all the plot twists, but the major points were quite obvious. The scenes that recked me and made me bawl my eyes out are 1) Amren deceipt and sacrifice; 2) Elain and Nesta slaughtering the King; 3) Rhys' death and resurraction. My main problem with the book is that the book doesn't feel like the finale. Feyre's story is finished, but there are so many loose ends. Sarah J. Maas is prepared to cover them all in upcoming spin-off books featuring other protagonists, I'm sure of it. Because of that, the book has a tone of unfinishness and it's a bummer. Also I'm quite disatisfied with the fact that Rhys pov happens only twice in the book. From what I understood, the author mentioned dual pov in the third book and I can hardly consider 2 small chapters in 700 page book to be a "dual pov novel". Such a shame. In ACoTar and ACoMaF having only Feyre's 1st person pov works, but in ACoWaR we are confined in her pov. I wanted to know Rhys or Lucien or Nesta's povs. In terms of big picture, Sarah J Maas has falied to reach the awesomeness of Queen of Shadows and even Empire of Storms politics and grabs scheme. I heard that many people were annoyed with the abundance of sex scene. Um, okay, but he book has literally like three excplicit scenes, which is basically nothing. They were well-written too, in my opinion. (I'm a huge fan of New Adult novels, peraps that's why I was totally on board of everything sex and explicit) Briefly, I was engaged by the story but not blowen away. The characters I love Feyre and I'm so proud of her. She has truly great arc. ACoWaR gives us the glimpse of what a good High Lady she will become. Her chemistry with Rhys is so very strong. Rhys is probably my favorite male character. He's kind, brave, vulnerable,snarky etc etc. I do think that his tendancy to pull Aelin is annoying (try to do things by himself and don't share your plans with your friends, fyi). But he's so good and Feyre and Rhys together are definitely one of my favorite couples of all time. I am sad that we didn't get to see more of Court of Dreams. I wanted the book to have more of Cassian. Nesta, Az, Elain, Mor and Amren and their interactions with each other/ Probably we didn't get it all because 1) the book would've been 900 pages long and 2) we need some unfinishness for sequels. Apart from the King, the rest of the characters were delightfully morally ambigious and gray. Jurian surprised me. I was bedrudgenly surprised by Tamlin. I enjoyed meeting High Lords and their mates/lovers. It's great to see the story and the setting expand and for Feyre and us to meet all these interesitng folks. Amren! I didn't see her and Varian coming as lovers. One of the "oh my god what?!" moments. I'm glad Feyre has patched up her relationship with sisters. All three of them has work to do but they are on the right path. We might get Az/Elain as a couple and I object. I'd love for them to remain friends. They have a strong connection and they clearly are kindred spirits, but let us have male/female friendship. Obviously, the book provides us with the examples of this friendship, but I have very strong feelings about Az/Elain. The diversity or lack thereof Sarah J Maas is infamous for her lack of diversity. We writes wonderful complex characters but all of them mysteriously end up being white cis and straight. In a series with over 1500 pages long, it is a problem. Many people pointed out the lack of people of color. Prythian has one court (Summer Court) with dark skin faes. And that's basically it. In passing we mention dark skins humans who were later on killed and Miryam, the half-fae lady, has dark skin, too. Important moment, the author describes her skin as "dark honey". Let's bury the food comparisons when we talk about poc complexion. Thank you. Again, as a white girl, it's not exactly my place to say. I'm just speaking from my heart and common freaking sense. Note, I'm a white Russian girl and I have a thing to say to Sarah J. Maas about using a name from Russian folklore for no reason whatsoever. Some old deathgod from legends is called Koschei. He literally was mentioned once. The name that's familar to me from childhood and has nothing to do with the story. It was so out of place, I was buffled. Should I cry cultural appropriation because of one name& The total heteronormativity of these books has been adressed before. In ACoWaR the author adds queer characters and we met the diversity done wrong situation. Or partially wrong. As a bisexual, I was delighted to see myself represented in sapphic fae ladies, who are also heroes, in polyam bi High Lord, who's smart and cunning. We have two establsihed queer couples of secondary characters, one is f/f and they are mostly offscreen and m/m couple that is present, again as secondary characters. We don't get to see a lot of them. However, I am very concerned with the fact that Thesan male lover doesn't even have a name! He is always refered as "captain", "mate", "lover". It looks like the author couldn't even be bothered with giving her third and the last queer man a name. One fae from the sapphic couples has deformed wings and she's a symbol of fighting obstacle and overcoming herself. I don't know why exactly it makes me feel uncomfortable. maybe because the only character with deformed wings is queer Nephelle? High Lord of Day Court prefers lovers of any gender. I'm totally on board with it. I think he's okay, if we ignore that he let the woman he loves be taken by abusive asshole for centuries. Okay, he's not okay exactly. And finally, Morrigan. I have conflicting opinions about her characterisation and her queerness revealed, but. I am absolutely posivite that if I slept with him, even once, just to try, to make sure... is Nope. Please, do not write these lines about lesbians. No matter the context the character lives in, we as reader don't need it. I can't imagine the impact that line might have on young lesbians who are still figuring themselves. What if they feel pressured to "just try". We live already in heteronoramitve society, we don't need the added pressure for the authors. And the second thing, Mor's peference in women was delivered as a plot twist. Which isn't a decent thing to do. Sexualty =/= plot twist. However, I'm not sure how I feel about her sleeping with other men as a coverup for centuries. This beautiful brave independent woman was terrfyied to even tell her closest friends??? I don't know if we crossed the line to "tragic gays domain" or if her characterisation may be explained by the abusive society she grew up in. As a result, for 500 years she hasn't told Az straignt that she will never be interested in him. Sarah J Maas announced that she's writing 3 more novels and couple of novellas. I sure hope that Morrigan will get a full novel with HEA for her and some lovely girlfriend. I don't even want to think about other scenario. Naturally, Feyre didn't have any problems with Mor being gay when she told her, because Feyre isn't a shitty freaking person, so it's not a surprise. But again, it felt like a straight person gave their blessing on queerness. I don't know. The whole scene makes me feel conflicting. I want to be happy because we have a lesbian in Court of Dream, but how it happened isn't ideal, in my opinion. EDIT: It came to my attention that some people view Mor as homoromantic bisexual. While I personally think she's a lesbian, the only confirmation of her sexuality we get is that she prefers females, but she had sex with males over the years without enjoying it much. I am open to talk about it, all of it, because I'd love to hear your thoughts and if you think I'm wrong, I'd love to hear it, too. All in all, the author tried to add diverse characters to her story and she partially sucseeded. This series is so very dear to me. I did my best at being objective about it's flaws and drawbacks, I still love these books and A Court of Wings and Ruin is rather satisfying ending for Feyre and Rhys' story. For Feyre's arc.
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My year in review! 12/31/17 (In books, the books that I have read in the year 2017). An essay.
In the year 2017, I have read 23 books in total. I will review some of them that I did like, and others, not so much.
1. Kathy Griffinâs second memoir, âCelebrity Run-Ins, A-Z.â Last year I had bought this specific book as a Christmas present to myself. 2017 has been a totally shitty year for Ms. Griffin. In May, she posted to Facebook.com a picture of a Halloween mask with ketchup smeared all over it, and once it spread, it spread like wildfire. She lost a lot of her coveted jobs: CNN fired her the following week from the New Yearâs Eve broadcast that she would do with Anderson Cooper, literally the only thing fun about New Yearâs Eve was watching her make Anderson Cooper do weird shit in the freezing cold. It was a bad call, but not one I would say is on the same level with Kramer yelling the âN-wordâ to an audience member for heckling him at a stand up show. Sheâs literally on the FBI terror watch list now, lost her sister due to a significant and long battle with cancer, and cut all of her hair off. Sheâs Janice Ian in Middle School, with Trump being Regina George. Itâs ridiculous, but if anyone can come back from a tasteless joke, itâs Kathy. Like Jane Fonda, sheâs had (in Kathyâs own words mind you): â a wall of shit fall in on her, and sheâs survived, I dig her!â My sentiments on exactly on how I feel about YOU Ms. Kathy Griffin. What I hope for Ms. Kathy Griffin in 2018 is that she gets her revenge. Whether itâs a revenge body, or a revenge stand up set that knocks it out of the park, I would hope honestly that this isnât the last weâve seen of her, and that in 2018 she makes fun of the truly dumb as shit New Yearâs Eve broadcast with cross-eyed as fuck Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper tonight. And no I am not watching it.
2. Charles M. Blowâs Memoir âFire Shut Up in my bones.â The first ten pages of this novel made me want to scream into the heavens: âHOW COULD YOU?!â to his cousin, who he tells in intimate detail mind you of how his cousin raped him when he was a kid, and for most of his life, he tries to figure out why, and how in the world did he let this happen, and what he did to bring this on. In the first 20 pages of the novel, we see him struggle with maybe trying to kill his cousin for his crimes, as his cousin was never charged with sexual abuse. But the main problem I have with that was: his cousin was much much older than Charlie. And it damaged this particular writer for LIFE. Iâve read a lot about sexual abuse, and sexual abuse victims/survivors all say a variation of the same thing: that basically it affected them for life. He then goes on to become the first Black Historical writer for The NY Times, and finds himself struggling to tell people his secret, mainly the women he has sex with. Wouldnât you?
3. TA- Neishi Coates Memoir âBetween the world and Me.â In 2017, I FINALLY was able to read this novel. Itâs the love letter of our time. It also proves to me at least, that even with 8 years of a Black President, cops honestly have some work to do with how they treat young black men in this country. And body cams donât change behaviors.Â
4. Trevor Noahâs Memoir âBorn a Crime.â This novel I bought in February after nursing a bad heart-ache for someone who had rejected me, and I wanted to honestly dive into Trevor Noahâs world for a while. And while heâs unfortunately no Jon Stewart, what he is is very funny. His stand up sets are exactly like this novel, and his work on the daily show right now is so necessary. We all need to be laughing more and more right now, and I appreciate Trevor to let his audience know: that itâs totally OK to be laughing AT Trevor, and WITH him. Please read this book.
5. âA horse walks into a barâ by David Grossman. I didnât get this one. I finished  it, but I didnât really understand it.
6. âSick in the headâ by Judd Apatow. As probably the only man in Hollywood who literally HASNâT* pinched a womanâs ass on set, I appreciated Juddâs candor here, and his ability to basically get in the mind of a comic. Heâs like the journalist who followed around rock stars in the 1970â˛s. Totally reminds me of the dude in âAlmost famousâ who interviewed rock stars, instead this guy just followed and stalked Jerry Seinfeld before anyone knew who Jerry Seinfeld was. (Side-note: Jerry in the 80â˛s never had any furniture in his NYC apartment).
7. âDifficult Womenâ by Roxanne Gay. This was the first novel I read by Gay, and it was awesome, sad, depressing, understandable, & relatable. I read it in March when it was too cold to do anything else but read, and it really took me on a journey of fictional women who have very difficult lives. Itâs a modern take on what women go through every single day.
8. âAll grown upâ by Jami Attenberg, my first E-book! I bought this book for my phone, and devoured it, bit by bit, page, by page. Itâs really a great book. It follows the main character in her 30â˛s: aimless, a bit of an alcoholic, and totally removed from anyone in society or her family. Sheâs a journalist or a writer in NYC, and her older brother has a child whoâs dying. Sheâs drinking herself to death, and her mother just wants to know where she is at all times, and sheâs like meh. No. I really liked it. It shows you whatâs going on in someone elseâs mind when they are just too caught up in their own problems to do anything about anyone elseâs.Â
9. âThe Refugeesâ by Viet Than Nguyen, yeah I read this one, but I didnât love it, I liked it fine, but it didnât have a rhythm to it at all. Wasnât really all that much of a page turner, itâs not riveting enough.
10. âEvicted, Poverty, and Profit in the American Cityâ, by Matthew Desmond. Now this book! This book was a page turner, might be one of my favorites of the year! I read it in April-May of 2017 this past year, and it honestly tells the tales of poor people in this country and what they will have to go through to keep a roof over their heads. Itâs riveting, depressing, sad, and honestly? A necessary read in Trumpâs world.
11. Augusten* Burroughâs âLust and Wonder.â This book made me LAUGH. I read it in June, June of 2017, and Burroughs is really not known for being funny. He is known for being depressing and sad. My mom has read âDryâ like a zillion times! But this book was both funny, and heartwarming! It warmed my heart! Honestly was confused as to who wrote this one, it honestly could be confused with a David Sedaris novel because it is just so funny. I was laughing out loud literally the whole way through!
12. âLa Fayette in the somewhat United Statesâ by Sarah Vowell. I have wanted to read this ever since she came on the daily show, and this year I did! Lay Fayette really had a lot of political aspirations, not only that, but he is the man who truly holds American ideals, and American Idealism in the palm of his hand. I enjoy Vowellâs work. And she wrote this during the 2010 Government shut down, which is impressive, to say the least!
13. âThe Princess Diaristâ by Carrie Fisher.
14. âA $500 House in Detroit, rebuilding an Abandoned Home and an American Cityâ by Drew Phillip. Good read, depressing though!
15. âSweet bitter.â By Stephanie Danler, this is a necessary read if you want to make it* as a 20 something bartender in NYC.Â
16. Neil Degrasse Tyson âAstrophysics for people in a hurry.â A delight, a true delight! Made me want to be in Astronomy class all over again! Read it in a week in May.
17. âHungerâ by Roxanne Gay. Signed first edition, this was a necessary read. I literally had no idea about Gayâs back story, and Iâm sure her parents had no idea either. She was gang raped by a boy she loved at 12, and went on to eat and eat and eat to then later cope with the PTSD and depression that comes after a significant trauma. I encourage everyone to read this book, not for the fact that she gained so much weight, but for the fact that she didnât think she could tell literally anyone that she was gang raped.Â
18. âThe blood of Emmet Tillâ by Timothy Tyson. Ugh. This book. It takes you through the journey of what happened to Emmet Till, and the peopleâs lives it affected, and the author spends some time with either the real woman who said that Till raped her, or wolf whistled at her, or her grand child. The takeaway for her was this: âyes he whistled at me, or yes I cried rape, but honestly?â âThat boy did not deserve what he got for that.â
19. âLetterman, the last Giant of Late Nightâ by Jason Zinoman. This book was fun, and it showed what those TV wars between Leno and Letterman were actually like. He may be an asshole that David Letterman, but he keeps you laughing, so itâs less dangerous!Â
20. âThe Daily Show, an Oral Historyâ by Chris Smith. I am so glad I own this book. Itâs 407 pages long, but it takes you behind the scenes of the daily show. Watching Jon Stewartâs last show, I own it, but I honestly canât watch it without sobbing. It just canât happen. âBULLSHIT!â âIs everywhere!â âAre the kids still here?!â âOK, weâll deal with that later!âÂ
END OF READING GOAL. BONUS: Read 5 more books!
21. âStandard Deviationâ by Katherine Heiny. SUCKED.
22. Al Frankenâs âGiant of the Senate.â Too long haha.
23. âI am the messengerâ by Markus Zusack*, (comfort reading, Iâve read this book before).
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