#This is my conspiracy and I am sticking TO IT

[pityroadart]

Here's my piece for the @mcspirkevents Big Bang! I was paired with the excellent @twinkboimler and their fic Jim Kirk's Guide to Delivering the Goods, which you can find here (E, AOS McSpirk, 60k)

Summer just started, and Jim is bored out of his mind. The courses he needs to take aren’t being offered until the second half of the summer, so he has an entire month to bother his roommate Bones. At Bones’ suggestion to get a job, Jim fixes up a motorbike and starts making deliveries to people in town, including a cute Vulcan professor named Spock. But when Jim is beaten up while making a delivery, it’s Spock who delivers Jim back to the apartment he shares with Bones. After the meet-cute from hell, Spock and Bones start dating… and so do Jim and Spock. With neither roommate aware they’re both dating the same man, there’s only so long that things can go well for them before the other shoe finally drops.

Also as part of my Big Bang offerings, I made a fic playlist (below) — partly a love letter to McSpirk, partly a love letter to myself and Fletcher's overlapping music taste.

Thank you again to Fletcher @twinkboimler for working on this project with me, it's been an absolute joy!

Until the Birds Return on Spotify

Tracks and choice lyrics below the cut (contains vague spoilers):

Astronaut | Future Crib

I wanna be an astronaut Fly into space I wanna see Mars from Venus I wanna go to that place And if you come with me They'll be room in my ship I'll take you up there with me It can be just you and me

Afraid of Heights | boygenius

I never rode a motorcycle I never smoked a cigarette I wanna live a vibrant life But I wanna die a boring death

Day by Day | Old Sea Brigade

Time and time again, I think I'm falling through space And I wake up in my bed just sweating in sheets

... Then I think of you growing old and it breaks my heart

Factories | Autoheart

When you found my body by the lake You wasn't sure if I was still alive

You and Your Friend | Snake River Conspiracy

Must we go run through our lives with our eyes closed To the loving happiness that we can share I think I'm in love with you and your friend

My Gal, My Guy | Darlingside

My (guy) he's the bluest ocean, (he) Waits under the bluest sky for me I belong to (him) When I'm in the water

Santa Fe | Autoheart

Heaven sent You were like a present I should not have kept A sticker on your forehead saying 'breakable And I broke you bad

Coat on a Hook | The National

Two days, we're still not talking You're the opposite of an open book Come back for me

Top to Toe | Fenne Lily

So I'm changing all my days To make your nights It's just not right

Pigeon Song | Patrick Wolf

Now the pigeons gather 'round my feeding hand And we talk 'til the evening fades I have learnt how it goes What you wait for never shows And what you least wanted, holds you down like a stone

Hornets | The National

But I don't wanna leave And I don't wanna hide I just don't wanna run Into you tonight

Tea, Milk & Honey | Oh Pep!

If you stick with me, I'll make sure your time is all right If you don't understand where I am now, it's better if we leave it

The Spiritual | Jukebox the Ghost

We might have kissed a bit too soon I could feel what was coming and I didn't mean to hurry you I just knew that time would find our fingers linked, through and through Forgive me, I'm human too

Bike Dream | Rostam

Two boys, one to kiss your neck And one to bring you breakfast Get you out of bed

Don't Go | Yazoo

Can't stop now Don't you know I ain't never gonna let you go

Jenny | The Mountain Goats

I hopped on back of the bike, wrapped my arms around you I sank my face into your hair And then I inhaled as deeply as I possibly could You were sweet and delicious as the warm desert air And you pointed your headlamp toward the horizon We were the one thing in the galaxy God didn't have his eyes on 900 cc's of raw whining power, no outstanding warrants for my arrest

Old Old Fashioned | Josh Ritter (Frightened Rabbit cover)

Oh let's get old fashioned Back to how things used to be If I get old, old fashioned Would you get old, old fashioned with me?

[imminent-danger-came]

Lady Bone Demon: "I sent you a task—you were to retrieve the Monkie King and his protege, yet you refused the path of destiny and so there will be pain."

(3x08 Benched)

-

Lady Bone Demon: “Know this, monkey, you and I are not so different. We both fight for what we think is right—that pursuit only leads to one thing." MK: "Hmmhm. To destiny, right?" Lady Bone Demon: "No. To pain."  

(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)

-

[dandy-lad]

.

[sturnsmadl]

dealer!chris headcannons!

dealer!chris who always discounts way too much for you.

"its on me."

"what? this is like 50 bucks worth.."

dealer!chris who makes sex jokes to you all the time.

"what? keep arguing and i'll put that mouth to better use."

"i'll bend you over that table if u don't shutup."

dealer!chris who refuses to give you any hard drugs.

"u got coke?"

"u got a brain? not happening."

dealer!chris who always comes over after deals.

dealer!chris who is possessive but unloyal.

"your mine. don't let anyone think different."

"you fucked another girl last night."

dealer!chris who your arguing with 24/7.

"and you just act like im nothing after your done!"

"when did i say you were nothing to me?!"

"you dont need to fucking say it!"

dealer!chris who expects you to stay single and wait for him.

dealer!chris who is clingy when he's drunk or high.

"hi baby! i missed you!!"

"chris move you stink."

dealer!chris who goes for any guy who tries to get you.

"you tryna hit on my girl?!"

"i-"

"chris leave him alone.."

dealer!chris who hurts anyone who hurts you.

dealer!chris who doesn't let you work.

"and i've got an interview-"

"cancel it."

dealer!chris who comes over late at night to fuck.

"you up?"

"i am now you were hitting my window."

dealer!chris who is always rough.

"take it. good girl. so tight for me."

"chris! too much- too much!"

dealer!chris who never uses protection.

"gonna fill you with my babies huh? go on let go."

dealer!chris who has dissapeared when u wake up the morning after.

dealer!chris who would rather die then bring you to a deal.

"ill drop u home first."

"just take me with u.."

"your funny sweetie."

dealer!chris who doesn't let you go overboard with your orders.

"can i have a few grams of-"

"a gram per day for you unfortunately princess."

"what? since when?"

dealer!chris who watches you like a hawk at party's.

dealer!chris who looks after you while your drunk.

"yep..good girl just- get it out of you.."

dealer!chris who ends up staying loyal just for you.

"what? i blocked them all."

"shutup..ur serious..?"

dealer!chris who finds out your pregnant before you do.

"look at your cute bump."

"what? im not pregnant.."

"morning sickness? cravings? tiredness?"

"oh shit.."

dealer!chris who does all his research for you.

"it says..you've got an hour to live."

"what??"

"im messing with u."

dealer!chris who is trying to get out of dealing for you and the baby.

dealer!chris who doesn't let you do too much.

"nuh uh. pass me that, its heavy."

dealer!chris who refuses to let the doctors stress you out at birth.

dealer!chris who only ever cried infront of you when you gave birth to his baby.

"oh my god..im so proud of you. she's beautiful."

"are you okay..?"

"yeah..the onions from the cafeteria.."

"sure buddy.."

"wow..im a dad.."

dealer!chris who will not let anything happen to his family.

a/n: not sure how i feel abt this but i need to start writing my new series :)

taglist! @bellaonthelow @muchloveforhacker @moonk1ss3d @sturnclouds @christophersgf @ellizzyy @fratbrochrisgf @phoenix062 @pixxiies @conspiracy-ash @blahbel668 @monroesturnns @gwennybenny @sturnobsessedwh0re @xoxo4chriss @pixie-sticks-are-good @wurlibydominicfike @anitahunt @ilusa @sturniolo-fann @ncm9696

[missdrarrydawn]

Hera wanted Athena to win

Guys hear me out, this is my conspiracy theory LMAO

I feel like in God Games when Athena is battling the Gods to help Ody, of all of them, Hera wanted her to win the whole time.

Hera is the final "level" of the game, and if Athena convinces her to say yes, then it's a yes and Ody must be released, and I'm sure Hera knew that fact.

Now look at what all the other Gods say.

Each of them gives a very specific reason why they don't want Ody to be freed.

Apollo's reason is slaughtering the sirens.

Hephaestus' reason is the Scylla sacrifice.

Aphrodite's reason is abandoning his mother.

Ares' reason is being cowardly in the Trojan war.

And then, we get to Hera, and she's just like 'Yeah just give me any good reason and I'll agree to let him go'. She has no qualms with Odysseus, she has no motivation even to fight with Athena on this. She doesn't really require convincing, per se.

She's legitimately just asking Athena to give her any half decent justification so she can say yes and make it look legit in front of Zeus.

The whole time as Athena is giving Hera reasons, Hera is also continuously egging her on to give her a better one, a more sound one that would look really convincing. She's saying things like 'Try Harder' and 'You can do better than that.'

So my theory is that after Zeus announced the God Games, Hera saw it as a chance to stick it to him for once, for all his cheating and disloyalty to their marriage, so she wanted Athena to win, and played her cards accordingly.

All she needed was Athena to give her any half-decent justification for her to say yes, so that the games look legitimate, but ultimately she was on her side the whole time. She made the game really easy for Athena, because she gave her free reign to think of absolutely anything and everything she possibly could in favor of Ody, instead of giving her a specific, niche argument she has to fight against.

Additionally, Hera is the goddess of marriage in the pantheon, and even if she doesn't care the least little bit about Odysseus, I am willing to bet she very much cares about Penelope.

Think about it, Hera herself is stuck in an awful marriage to Zeus and is not very happy about that. And she would 100% relate to Penelope's struggles of being alone, missing her husband and trying to ward off the suitors who are trying to force her into a, let's be real, abusive marriage with Antinous.

Hera as a wife definitely sympathizes with Penelope as a wife, and releasing Odysseus so he can return to Penelope is the only way to help her be protected again.

So there you go. My conspiracy is that Hera for one absolutely wanted Athena to win the entire time. I think she at the very least tried to help her, I mean she couldn't have known that Zeus would fucking kill her for winning LMAO

[marzipanandminutiae]

the one thing I am full-bore conspiracy theorist about?

daily contact lenses

or, well, not their existence, period. they're a valid health option that is best for some people, medically. but the sheer aggressiveness with which they're being pushed nowadays

the last few times I went to the eye doctor for my annual check-up, she was HEAVILY on my case to switch to dailies. like, to the point of arrogance and condescension when I said I preferred to stick with monthlies (I've worn contacts since I was 12, for reference). I also posted about it on a forum and got massive negativity in response, as well as being talked down to by someone claiming to be an optometrist himself

now if this were like...anti-vaxxer sentiment I'd understand that reaction. but from what I've heard, while monthlies do carry a higher risk of eye infections and such, they're not medically unsound or unsafe across the board. I'm willing to accept that risk, and since science has not found that they're terrible and should immediately be discontinued, I feel like my wishes should be respected and not belittled

point two: plastic waste. they say it's somehow less than using monthlies, but frankly I just don't see how that's possible. 365 of those little eye chips- times two! -and their packaging, add up to less than a case and a bottle of solution every few months, plus 24 contacts and their packaging? it doesn't make sense to me, and it doesn't help that I mostly see contact lens websites repeating this "fact." of course all contacts produce plastic waste, and I'd be perfectly willing to accept this as one of those You Have To Consume; You Just Decide What Areas Of Your Life Are Optimal For Minimization of Waste And What Aren't things, if dailies weren't being pushed so hard

(also I found two studies showing that monthly-replacement soft lenses produce less plastic waste than daily disposables. which, like. yes, this should be obvious, but here we are. granted, that's only two, and both studies emphasize that dailies and their accoutrements can be recycled, but see below)

some big companies have "contact recycling programs" but like. who's to say that's not greenwashing? where's the oversight? where are the investigations into what these programs actually DO? god knows we've been there before with recycling and corporations trying to pull the nylon-poly-blend Vegan Wool(TM) over our eyes

they're also more expensive than monthlies, which like. does not lend a positive slant to optometrists pushing them so stridently

on top of that, I and some other monthly users have noted that our contacts aren't lasting as long as they used to. for me, it was 17-18 years of smooth sailing with barely any problems, and as of like a year ago my contacts barely last two weeks without clouding up, ripping, chipping at the edges, causing my vision to blur, becoming uncomfortable...my brand did change around that time, so I hope it's just that, and the sample size of other monthly users I've pooled is VERY small. but it sure seems interesting that they suddenly started pushing a product that doesn't last long enough for people to notice low quality, around the time that at least some users of the longer-lasting version start having problems

you're pooh-poohing all of my concerns- which are indeed backed up by science, it seems! -with a "fix" that relies on big companies being honest about recycling, to push me from a non-ideal but still medically sound option to another that makes you more money?

I'm normally a pretty grounded person but I'm full-on tinfoil hat about this one

[kick-a-long]

i find it so desperately sad that goyim generally would be so much less antisemitic if jews started physically fighting back with guns or sticks in every country. calling for the murder of muslims all over the world, if the jewish population was big enough to have large scary groups of crazy fringe fundamentalist synagogues all over the world, a billion strong, that preached murder and hate so goyim could look down on jews like some noble savage in need of assistance and western education and protection. so we could be reformed in obvious patronizing ways because there were so many of us that we had militant violent fringe extremists, like christians and muslims have, mixed in with the normal jews.

if jews didn't have such a reputation for success and intelligence maybe conspiracy theories would stop blaming us for controlling the world. if we felt less in danger maybe we wouldn't be so obsessed with long term survival.

is antisemitism some warped form of envy? maybe. what sucks is that jews are no better or worse than anyone else. some jews are brutes and some are the most wonderful people imaginable, just like any other group. what sucks is we don't all live up to the reputation of tactical geniuses and wizards with mind control magic. all of us jews are just tired and abused humans who have lived with 2000+ years of generational trauma and the endless fall out from a popular jewish book written 3000+ years ago describing the best practices of jewish culture. It has some great stories, histories, life advice, diet recommendations, hygiene, and rules about how to treat others.

is that such a crime?

trying to show a path forward? not demanding anyone else follow those rules but wanting to do our best to follow them anyway? how to live a good life that makes the world better and makes you proud to have been on earth for the time you were there? jews fail to do this all the time, just like everyone else. I fail all the time. why are people so obsessed with that? people say shylock is a stereotyped antisemitic character but,

"I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge! The villainy you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction."

so why do jews always have to be the better man? why do we have to apologize for being angry and sad and hating the people that attack us? that was written by Shakespeare, a christian in the 1600s who who had probably never met a jew, they were expelled from england, but imagined us as money lenders, the only profession left to jews at that time. even he saw the double standard. it makes a good point.

now, i don't want vengeance, i don't want violence, but i feel vengeful. i feel angry that i am unsafe because of play actors and terrorist supporters who want revenge for jews existing but scream bloody murder when jews refuse to dig their own graves, beg forgiveness for ever being born, and lay down in them to be mocked and pissed on and abused in the worst ways imaginable for the entertainment and conquest of it. i want peace with them. they are as human as i am, full of foibles and anger. i want nothing to do with them. i want them to never come near a jew again for the rest of time.

i am sad. all i want is to feel my feelings and advocate for what is the most ethical and practical work around to a world filled with unending suffering while i am still alive. i want them on thier side to live in the world they want and me on my side to live in the world i want. why don't these children of all ages, lost in delusions of fantastical battles and ultimate good and evil, see that? why can't I be a human first as well as a jew first? why do they ask me to pick? why am i not allowed to pick?

it's been almost a year. we're all so tired.

I'm going to a music festival. I'm trying to decide whether to wear a star. why is it dangerous to wear a star around my neck?

[alicelufenia]

A Guide To Keeping Wyll And Karlach After Siding With Minthara In Act 1

Or as I like to call it, how to permanently recruit Karlach and Wyll (because I have yet to complete a full playthrough with both of them)

Ever since Larian added a way to legitimately recruit Minthara by knocking her out, I've wanted to help the community be more successful in their efforts to give my favorite drow yet another concussion. Because like all things related to Minthara, the KO method was buggy as hell, non-intuitive, and metagamey as fuck. I wrote multiple guides on it, to the point where I made the master post my pinned for a while. You may have seen it at some point, but here it is again for reference [x]

As happy as I am with the success of those posts, it's time I revealed my true alignment. I'm actually one of those scary Minthara stans who has killed the grove more times than siding with the tieflings. I know, you'd never guess by looking at my blog (don't look at my blog) I did it my first playthrough and it's only gotten easier since. And while I stand by it as the single best way to experience Minthara's character and story arc, I'm not so cold-hearted as to deny that it's a shame we miss out on Wyll and Karlach in the process.

So rather than play the villain, what say we have them stick around by taking on the REAL villains of Act 1:

The Druids

To start off, you'll want both Wyll and Karlach in your party, and Withers in camp. I've had him show up upon crossing one of the bridges in Act 1, either to the blighted village or the goblin camp, I forget which, or you can bust him out of his Dank™ crypt. Proceed through Act 1 as normal. To be safe I got as much approval from them as I could in early game, but that may not be necessary. Offer to kill Kagha for Zevlor.

Now, both of them need to die, and preferably not by the hand of your party members. I had them suicide charge the gnolls and get wrecked, as on Tactician mode they'll attack downed party members until they're dead. I don't know if having them jump off a cliff works, but it might. We need to entrust them to Withers by asking him to look after their bodies instead of reviving them. Their bodies will then appear in camp by their tents.

Now go kill Kagha without revealing the shadow druid conspiracy. This should trigger the Druids to start fighting the Tieflings, which will happen off screen as you deal with Kagha and the few druids inside with her (killing Nettie earlier might make this easier in case she joins in. She tried to poison you, so serves her right.)

Steal that idol! I'm not 100% sure this is required, but it takes no effort at this point and you need to sit tight for a minute, so might as well.

Also if you thought you could return the idol to Mol, no luck, she won't accept it until the fighting ends. Unfortunately all the tieflings need to die for this to work, so rip Ring of Protection. But not exactly rip the tiefling kids, more on that in a minute.

OOF, rip Dammon (and most of Karlach's questline. Don't look at me like that, it's Larian's fault for tying her entire story onto one npc and giving nothing as an alternative)

I'll give the tieflings credit, they did not go down without one hells of a fight. This bear was found burnt to death, probably due to Zevlor.

Damn, they really killed all of them. I wanna point out this can happen even on a good playthrough with the best of intentions.

In the end, only four(!) druids survived. I don't know how they'd fare with Kagha fighting too, but overall I'd say the druids talk big for doing this badly against a bunch of unarmed civilians. We kill the last four of them, then get ready to move on.

With trepidation, I go to check on the kids. Not recommended if you raid the grove for real, but here:

It's just... empty. No bodies, no npcs hanging around, they completely cleared out.

I like to headcanon that Mol followed through on protecting her kids, and they escaped down this hole. I'm still very early in this run used for testing, so I have legit no idea if they show up later. But this is good enough for me to include them all in my fanfiction so :D Congrats, the only tieflings with rights (sorry Karlach!) are gonna be alright (because if we don't see a body it doesn't count)

Next step is to just... keep going. Sazza can get you into the goblin camp no problem, and if you play a Drow or have Shadowheart use disguise self, you can gain entry without any checks or dialogue. My half elf needed to talk her way in (or just use AUTHORITY)

best goblin btw

MOMMY

Lookit how happy she is after Sazza has brought her the grove's location! A lead on the weapon AND another True Soul AND she's concussion-free? Everything's coming up Minthy!

It's at this point things get a little weird (I did warn ya), as the game now has flagged the grove as "raided" even though we haven't done an actual grove battle, which is a different thing (as I'll demonstrate later), so Shadowheart has her "post-raid" dialogue when we wake up on the next long rest. The Raid The Grove quest is also marked as Completed, but still has a marker on the map. Have patience, return to the grove and walk through the (destroyed) gate, and suddenly:

The quest will update, and direct you to speak with Minthara in the secluded chamber where she normally is at when the raid is finished. There's also goblins milling about the grove now, same as the post-raid grove.

Get someone who looks at you the way Minthara looks at a cave full of dead druids and tieflings.

"No Minthara, I never meant for any of this to happen. This was all my fault, I shouldn't have gotten involved, they're all dead because of me-"

"Nevermind I am no longer morally conflicted about all this."

To the goblin party!

LIES. He never mentions it again lmao. C'mon patch 7 fix this! (you won't)

Why we're all really here 🥰

The next morning, speak to Withers and ask to collect your dead party members. He will have you confirm payment for their resurrection.

And it works! Karlach and Wyll are back, they can rejoin the party, and their approval is Unchanged!

Since I was on a roll, I went ahead and checked a few other scenarios: what happens if we don't start a fight with the druids and just raid the grove directly, with Karlach and Wyll dead? Well you can revive them afterwards, but...

Dang, Wyll still leaves (he's still so nice about it though! Even wishes you well!)

Meanwhile Karlach: Feck off, cunt.

Well, she's not leaving, but she's never been this blunt or cold towards me before. I wonder how much-

Damn, -49?! That's literally one away from leaving permanently! She started at 50, which means Karlach looses 100 approval from raiding the grove, and being dead doesn't change that. I think the only reason she's at -49 instead of -50 is due to that +1 from reviving a party member. So, she's grateful for being brought back to life, but not happy about anything else. You know what, that's fair.

One last thing I tested (and no pics for it cause this post has reached its limit! But those extra pics of Sharp-Eye Sluck are important, so I'll just write this next part out) I wanted to see if it was even necessary to finish off the remaining druids after they killed all the tieflings. So I left the grove (manually, you have to journey quite a distance before it lets you fast travel, almost all the way to the first bridge) and headed to the goblin camp to start the raid as normal.

Like our first time, we arrive at an empty grove. Even the druids we left behind are gone, meaning you can safely headcanon this method as joining up with the goblins and Minthara to take revenge on the druids. The game still acts like you killed the tieflings though, down to Gale's threatening to leave.

But Karlach and Wyll still get brought back without a problem! You can even revive them DURING the goblin party and they'll act like nothing's happened!

Wyll And Karlach Recruited Alongside Raiding With Minthara: Success!

So Baldur's Gate 3 community! I now implore you to put down your Pommel Strikes, switch off that Non-Lethal toggle, and stop giving poor Minthara even more brain damage than the tadpole and the Absolute already gave her!

And when you reach Moonrise Towers to rescue her, for the love of Selûne, when the guards are torturing her in the prison, don't just swing on them. Agree to enter her mind first. You'll have a dicey roll to deal with, but trust me, it's SUPER worth it!

As for the whole process, well. Despite the clunky way quests update after you start the grove civil war, the resulting lack of direction and narrative inconsistencies in the dialogue post-goblin party, this still feels like a more immersive way to recruit Minthara on a run with both Karlach and Wyll still present, than the KO method, in my not-so-humble opinion.

Consider this: You've got a major twist in the Act 1 plot now, with the Druids turning on you and killing the tieflings you were trying to help, leaving your party dispirited and lacking direction, other than to continue their search for a cure, which leads them to meet the Absolutists, the goblins, and the drow commander leading them and looking for the druids' sanctuary. And in the midst of your grief and anger, you side with her, both to get close to the source of the infections (as the Dream Visitor suggests) but also to take your revenge out on the druids.

You can feel conflicted, regretful even, but the context has changed enough that I think even a good-aligned Tav with no qualms about methods can live with this result. It just takes a bit of filling in the gaps (do you simply point the goblin army at the druids and look away, or lead them yourself by Minthara's side? Either way works for the results)

The only real downside is, again, Karlach's story just sorta ends here, until the confrontation with Gortash. I personally think this is a problem with Larian's writing for her, and at this point fanfiction is about the only solution in sight. But if you don't mind her not getting the chance to touch others again, you really have nothing to lose here

Besides, were you really going to pay Dammon for that act 3 armor? Of course not, you steal it every run and don't pretend otherwise, "hero."

[jasontoddiefor]

Okay AU where Wei Wuxian gets summoned back to life by like the Su Sect head disciple a couple years pre canon.

The head disciple idk maybe saw the curse backlash on Su Minshan and was Disillusioned By His Sect Leader’s Actions and maybe some other shit so he was like “I’m gonna get back the Yiling Patriarch so he can get revenge on the guy actually to blame for the hundred holes curse”

WWX is So Confused when he wakes up. Who the fuck is this guy. Where is he. What is going on.

Because there isn’t a conspiracy going on, he gets a very nice letter detailing his life and what he is to do.

So WWX has like fifteen emotions about Su Minshan being the start that lead to his death and, in a particular show of absolutely no self restraint, goes Yiling Patriarch on Su Minshan.

F to Su Minshan, he dies very quickly and painfully.

And here is where WWX should make his escape attempt, exact the person to find him is a baby disciple, seeing Su Minshan’s body, seeing WWX and long forgotten instincts kick in.

Five minutes later, WWX finds himself carrying The Baby Disciple to the Sect’s infirmary, yelling for a healer because their sect leader had a qi deviations and he couldn’t stop it and someone help

WWX is very confused this whole lie is apparently working. He gets the sense that the disciples’ curriculum is still being established. And while sorting all that out, he thinks about quitting the sect and running off with his new life except people keep handing shit to him because this newly established sect does not have a proper heir. It does have a Head Disciple who decided to commit suicide murder so WWX could be here.

He categorically does not want to be in charge. Unfortunately, until the second disciple toughens up, he’s gotta be

And it’s not like the whole sect is a mess? There are a lot of rogue cultivators who joined a sect that didn’t want to be as arrogant as the great sects. People whose sects were destroyed, too bitter to join any other established one, but willing to rebuild

They’re nice people. Leaving then hanging just feels kinda bad? So he can stick around for a while. And teach some lessons because WWX may not be a Lan but unfortunately he is that annoying genius that has to hear a song only once and fuck no, that’s not how that Lan song goes, you’re playing that incorrectly—

So he’s keeping himself busy instructing and conducting nighthunts and doing work he Did Not Sign Up For. He twitches when they call him sect leader. But they make advances and maybe they can figure out some musical cultivation of their own if they’re so intend on doing that. They can be better than just less good Lan, he thinks.

Now, however, here’s the thing. Su Minshan still obviously cursed Jin Zixun. And when a sect leader dies surprisingly, that draws attention, especially since he was so close friends with Jin Guangyao

WWX does not intend to drop the “by the way your friend did shady shit” thing so obviously but if the Jin keep pushing for shit now that the Su sect is suddenly getting a lot better very quickly, he’s gonna push back

Cut to: WWX, in the middle of teaching Baby Disciples some half-forgotten nonsense melody, freezing up as Lan “I am gonna I investigate the shit of the thing that started the events that got my one love killed” Wangji shows up in his classroom

Watch the chaos.

[claritys-silly-things]

Something something Sunday, something something headcanon post

- Ponyboy loves mint chocolate chip ice cream, but dally hates it. He claims it tastes like toothpaste and every time he says this, the group has to hold pony back from attacking the guy (fair)

- (modern) Someone show the curtis brothers Steven universe sobs

- The curtis brothers have dimples and smile lines and other facial things. like Darry has crows feet and pony has worry lines on his forehead because I think it’s cool and I have those even though I am like. Young.

- What if Dallas had an older brother or someone that’s like how he is to Johnny but to Dallas and that person died and then his mom died and he hated his dad and had no reason to stay in New York so he left

- I just painted my nails with random ass old nail polish I found and every nail is a different color and I think that’s something cherry would do

- Pony, soda, and twobit are all double jointed in different areas of their body and they’ll just do shit to creep the rest of the guys out, especially dally and darry

- Dally is fine with gore n shit irl but cant handle weird body contorsions

- Johnny will randomly say the most horrifying things like “doesn’t everyone wish they could go to sleep and not wake up” and it just traumatizes ponyboy. Twobit is also like this but a bit more goofy. Pony ends up doing the same thing post-book but says it to sound like it’s a joke like two bit and when people tell him to stop he’s like “it’s true tho🧍🏽‍♂️”

- Since dally is so pale, he gets “red” so goddamn easily but he looks more pink. Every time he feels too much of any emotion, he’s pink. If it’s too hot he’s pink. Two bit makes fun of him for this and has been punched in the face at least twice for it. Pony is the same but that mf turns like BRIGHT red

- One sided dalbit bc Dallas is fucking aromantic but it’s funny for giggles and shits cuz twobitch just keeps embarrassing himself trying to flirt (vox and alastor core) (someone make a fic about this cries sobs)

- (Modern perchance) Pony is in like advanced classes n shit but fucking hates it. He’s still good at it and will cry if he gets a bad grade, but he doesn’t like it

- (Modern) Pony fucking hates Miguel O’Hara and is absolutely positively disgusted bc like half his friends simp so hard over that man (may or may not be based on me) (it is)

- two bit unironically believes so many conspiracy theories and spreads it to pony and Johnny

- I randomly made mozzarella sticks rn on a whim and soda would 100% impulse make food all the time and just figure out the recipe himself. It’s usually decent.

- Pony loves back to school season but hates actually going back. Like he likes the idea of going back to school and getting new school supplies, but within like, two days, he hates all his classes besides English

- Soda will burst out singing out a lot no matter where he is. Even at night. You can’t stop him (me)

- Rip sodapop you would’ve LOVED musical theater sobs

[laurents-laces]

Dumping my thoughts on the new aftg short stories here to contain all the spoilers in one place, because if I don't get to talk about them I'm gonna explode. Someone very kindly made a typed-up version of them here if anyone wants them!

TFC: David

We all know Neil is "distressingly single-minded about Exy" but I'm dying at the revelation that people in Millport knew this about him. He was supposed to be lying low 😭

Kevinnnnnnnn my boy!!!

"This is better. Easier? Better." Ouch

I had a feeling he was seeing Betsy more often than twice a year! And that we just didn't know about it because Neil didn't. That's amazing for him

Wymack is being such a great dad right now and he doesn't even know it

So excited to have one (1) canonical sentence from Kayleigh Day herself

I was headcanoning Kevin as ten when he moved in with the Moriyamas. I know nine is only a year younger but somehow it's breaking my heart a little more

Awww I always thought he looked just like his mom

I hope he looks a little like Wymack too but no one noticed before

I wonder if he ended up telling Betsy who his dad is? I don't think so but I'm sure she'd have kept the secret. Even though it would've been so hard to keep a straight face about it

"Coaches have no honor. Your word is enough. Just yours." I wanna hit every Raven coach with a very heavy stick, starting with Tetsuji. But I love how Kevin's always trusted that Wymack was different. He can be a surprisingly hopeful person sometimes. He's a little like his dad in how he sees the potential in people no one else does

Am I crazy or is Wymack talking about Andrew here?? Because it reminds me of the part in the extra content where Andrew keeps breaking into Wymack's apartment to rant about Kevin, until one day it's Neil he's more interested in

I always thought that Andrew agreeing to protect Kevin so easily might mean he was kind of into him. If canon unrequited kandrew is gonna be a thing then Andrew and Jean should form a Victims of Kevin Day's Big Green Eyes Support Group

TRK: Betsy

I'm so upset right now I don't even have words

It's so interesting to see what Andrew is like alone with Betsy. And I love that Wymack makes him feel safe

He loves his brother!!

"They cannot keep him. I will not let them." I fully believe Andrew would be down to break Aaron out of prison if he got jail time

"One week Neil had been the subject of some very grandiose conspiracy theories, and the next Andrew had only said 'He's Kevin's problem now, the end!' and refused to elaborate." That's the most Andrew response he could've had 😭

And he was so right about Neil being suspicious as hell! I need everyone to look back on the beginning of the year and realize Andrew was right about him

"Everyone knows now, Bee." My heart just broke into a million pieces

"Neil flinched. He'd pushed because he needed to see that horrible smile crack. He needed to know if Andrew was screaming behind the euphoria his drugs fed his veins. But Andrew wasn't, and Neil couldn't live with that. Andrew's medicine was too strong or his psychosis too twisted; either way, tonight didn't mean anything to him. This was a setback Andrew could sidestep and ignore." That part of TRK really stuck with me. It's a good thing he didn't actually try to act completely unbothered by everything that night but it still hurts to hear about

"I know what happened to you today was beyond cruel and that Drake's death will not undo what he did to you. I know our system has failed you every step along the way and that a part of you will carry that distrust and betrayal for many years to come, if not for the rest of your life. And I know you have done astoundingly well despite life's every attempt to crush you. I'm sorry," she said, trying and failing to catch his eye, "and I'm so, so proud of you." She just said everything I'm feeling, perfectly

Chaos and mayhem, or Blockbuster. These books are so 2006. I miss Blockbuster

TKM: Aaron

This was the first one I read and it took me ages to get through because I was laughing so hard. Aaron calling andreil's matching arm bands a promise ring broke me

He's such an asshole. I love him. He might not like it but he's a Fox through and through

"Exy this, Exy that, get a fucking hobby already. Oh, but I guess he did?" He sent a pointed look at Andrew. He's the funniest character actually

I've always wondered if he was a little jealous of a certain mouthy liar who has everyone wrapped around his little finger. Hearing that Ichirou chose Neil over his own brother must've been a wild experience

I also wondered if he actually had a passion for medicine or if he just picked the most respectable career path he could think of. It's so good to hear that it's really something he loves. He's gonna get his dream job and fix things with his brother and marry the love of his life some day, and I'm so proud of him

Neurosurgeon Aaron and paediatrician Katelyn are properly canon now! It's nice to get all these details from the extra content as part of the actual books

A few months ago, Aaron never would have imagined Andrew needed his approval. Finding out how important he was to Andrew was an ongoing, eye-opening experience. Aaron finally realizing how much Andrew has done because of him might be my favourite thing

"His father's people tore up his arms with a lighter and knives, and none of it is going to fade. He doesn't need to see those." Andrew Minyard you fake idgafer. You care so much. So much.

I wonder what would've happened with andreil if Andrew was in less denial about their relationship? I don't think he'd date someone on purpose while the no-dating deal was still in effect

"Andrew didn't want to talk about Neil with Dobson because once he broached that subject he had to either lie to all of them or admit Neil was more important than he wanted him to be." I love that Aaron understands this about Andrew

I love that the only other Aaron POV story we have also ends with him being able to tell when Andrew is lying to himself. The twinyards have their misunderstandings but at the end of the day they get each other

[darsynia]

Hey, I hope it's ok to reach out like this but I'm back on tumblr with a new account after being away and am very lost, and as I love your fics, I'd love any recommendations for blogs to follow (in addition to yours, of course)!

I'm looking for non-dark Steve x Reader or Steve x OFC content. Preferably the fluffy/romantic/happy kind, although the torture-the-cinnamon-roll-before-a-tooth-rottingly-happy-ending will always be my jam too. Smut is ok! Am also open for Bucky or Tony as the male lead!

So any recommendations you (or should you answer this publicly, your followers) might have would be super welcome.

I hope you're having a good week and again, if this is silly, feel free to discard!

Well this was such a lovely thing to find in my inbox, given how much I like yours! I predictably Darsy'd this, setting up a bunch of links so I could offer a 'must-follow' list as well as some masterlists to dive into. I agree with @steviebbboi that if someone else had asked, I'd stick you on here 100%!

We'll start with some authors and masterlists (some have a mix of dark and fluff), in no particular order (I'm making Bucky purple. He'll get over it. Or he won't, and that'll be fun too) EDIT: I forgot the blog names are blue for me. Steve, you're pink now, I don't make the rules:

@ronearoundblindly Steve Series | Steve Oneshots | Bucky

@anika-ann Steve | Bucky

@stargazingfangirl18 Steve | Bucky

@navybrat817 Steve | Bucky

@targaryenvampireslayer Steve | Bucky

@thezombieprostitute Steve | Bucky

@buckets-and-trees Steve | Bucky

@witchywithwhiskey Steve | Bucky

@nicoline1998enilocin Steve | Bucky | Tony

@holylulusworld Steve | Bucky | Tony

Next we have a list of folks who make this corner of Tumblr a delightful place to be! Authors whose fics aren't quite the fluff you're looking for, readers we can't live without, mutuals who light up my life; this venn diagram is a complete, lovely mess.

@krirebr @bigtreefest @biteofcherry @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @brandycranby

@jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @steviebbboi @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @buckymorelikefuckme @caplanbuckybarnes

@eralen @nekoannie-chan @nowandjenn @secretswiftymarvelfan @rogerswifesblog

@petite-madame @rogersideup @levans44 @jobean12-blog @heli0s-writes

@deliciousangelfestival @jesevans @mrsevans90 @jamneuromain @mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea

Full disclosure: Ro helped me with a few names here, and I just followed you *waves* so please don't be freaked out that I just followed and stuck you on a list! You come highly recommended!!

Thanks for asking, it's an honor and a delight to have an excuse to boost up some truly great blogs on here!

Had to add this, too. Tumblr told on me:

Ps. that thing where you try to remember a really lovely person's username and you can't and you remember it a half freaking hour after you posted... (or a day later! Argh, I'm so sorry Jen! @late-to-the-party-81 absolutely deserves to be on this list. If it is any consolation I totally did the 'leaving out someone obvious' with wedding invitations and it never doesn't feel bad!)

[utilitycaster]

Given this campaign’s ups and downs and the current slate of CR programming, I’m curious what your outlook is on CR’s overall creative direction, especially going into a big anniversary? I mainly ask because you don’t seem to get bogged down in weird conspiracy theories about CR as a company nor do you act like CR producing other side projects is the root of campaign 3’s issues (like many disgruntled fans seem to - mostly reddit bros obsessed with viewership proving their points). You also seem to know your shit when it comes to creative direction in TTRPG content and have well founded critiques and complaints. 

I personally think a lot of what they've been doing is interesting, but I do sometimes wonder if I’m just prone to wanting to like what CR does because I'm a fan and want them to do well.

Hi anon!

First, thank you so much. I do not in fact know my shit re: creative direction and while I don't want to put them on the spot, several of my mutuals DO have considerably more knowledge of creative direction and production considerations than I do. They are just also better at keeping quiet and hedging their bets than I am. Anything I say that is correct re creative direction comes from a combination of avid reader who likes to analyze fiction/project management experience/common sense.

Honestly? I don't know if they'll do a campaign after this one (and it's possible they'll wrap up C3 before the 10th anniversary) but I think that the reason C3 is like this is because of the demands of a campaign that incorporates EXU Prime and past campaigns and the moon plot. I think Matt needed to run this the way Brennan runs D20 seasons and the cast was also expecting a campaign with the more open plotting of C1 or C2, and no one realized this until pretty far into the campaign. It is not too late to stick the landing of a messy campaign, though it's also not too late to totally fuck it up; but I think (and, to be fair, hope, because I'm also a fan and want them to do well) that the issues of Campaign 3 are contained within Campaign 3.

Part of why I think that is because the "side projects" have for the most part been successful! TLOVM looks great as does what little we've seen of the animated Nein series, the Daggerheart one-shots have been fun, I've loved Candela Obscura, Calamity and Downfall have been incredible, and while they're a lot more hands off with Midst what the cast has been involved with has been stellar. I do not think they are creatively tapped or exhausted and indeed had any of the above not been as strong I'd probably be easier on C3 since I would think it was a case of overextension. But as for C3, I think they just underprepped for a campaign that needed much more prep and awkwardly got stuck in it.

If they wrap up C3 a few months before the 10th anniversary and plan to do a fourth campaign, I'd say that would be a great time to announce it (though I'd recommend taking at least 3 months off if not more, as they have in the past). If it's still going or has just wrapped up, or if they don't plan to do a C4, I'd use that to announce an EXU or maybe some Nein show news and save that announcement for later.

[cinememed]

₍ 🎞 ₎   isle of dogs   (2018)  rp  starters  ! featuring violent themes . some lines have been slightly adjusted for rp purposes .

i am not your pet. i never liked you.

oh, i'm full–grown, sweetheart. you don't have to worry about me.

i don't care about you. i won't wait for you.

i'm not a violent dog. i don't know why i bite.

you have a conspiracy theory?

sometimes i lose my temper and blow off a little steam, but i've never enjoyed it.

my friends think i like to fight, but it's just not true.

you took me in, like a stray dog.

i can see you've been mistreated.

who told you that dirty lie?

i lost all my spirit, i'm depressing.

i think i might give up.

are we eating him or is this a rescue?

i wouldn't drink that if i were you.

i recognize you from when i heard that rumor.

you're the best in a scrap. we all know that you like to fight.

you hungry? kill something and eat it.

nobody's giving up around here, and don't you forget it.

let's wait a second before we attack each other and tear ourselves to shreds.

if we don't drown, i'm gonna strangle you myself.

you cold? dig a hole in the ground, crawl into it, and bury yourself.

don't ask me to fetch that stick.

i don't care. i'm used to leftovers.

i'll always be loyal to you, but circumstances have radically changed for me.

i can't protect you efficiently under these conditions.

i was the one that tried to make you be loyal in the first place.

i'm not doing this because you commanded me to.

where do you get all these rumors? i mean, who tells them to you?

i'm doing it because i feel sorry for you.

that's highly confidential. um, anyway.

i don't know anything, i should've kept my mouth shut.

i can hear you. i can hear you.

i don't think i can stomach anymore of this garbage.

so how does it feel to be a former stray?

i guess it scared me.

this is my new favorite food. thank you.

i thought you knew all about me.

it wasn't my choice. i don't consider it my identity.

so you know a few tricks, then.

i'm gonna drag you out with my teeth, since you can't understand the plan.

i lost my train of thought. dammit!

only reason i even said that is because we're all probably going to die out here.

look at it that way. you're probably safer than i am.

i'll be compelled to defend myself with all the means at my disposal.

i was dying. do you judge me for that?

are you okay? how can i be of service to you?

you're not safe here. you shouldn't have come for me.

people talk, and i listen. always have.

come sit beside me. it's okay.

[lisa-russell]

Another point I will stick onto my GreyScale Agent 4 Hijacked Security System Avatar Conspiracy Board.

EDIT: Saw the new info. A copy of Four is Still...in a loose sense Four, like have you seen the Lesser Four Copies? The way they all pose and how the last one is just pulled down in the Grey Ooze cause they weren't focusing on 8...It's like the main Copy has all of the Ogs agents skills and drive. Yet pieces of Fours funky personality from in-game cannon got carried over by the portion of Said Soul being drawn in to form a pallette!

Click or tap images tah read and zoom in...So yah gonna tell me non of this has any real correlation or claim? *jabs finger at the images below.*

EDIT: I WAS RIGHT!, so what if The Parallel Cannon is said to be just a copy surronded by lesser copies. Order still had to capture a fraction of Fours Soul and than Copy a template or construct of Four, in the process of also Greyscaling those copies and reprograming them into a Security Force for its own use!

Meanwhile the Original Soul Fragment was WAS USED, to form a Pallete.

So...yah. Its maybe not the full 4 BUT it's also still technically 4 to a degree!

EDIT: Hmph. So I was pretty clam close to the lore!)

I am like 71% convinced that it is Agent 4. Despite. What. The. Game and Off the hook reacts to. Theirs faaaar to much evidence to not considered or convenience, me otherwise!

Another interesting detail is the very boss name itself...

And than these little tid bits below...theres far too much stuff HINTING AT 4...like we all know how Nintendo loooooves tah hide der lore.

EDIT: JUST LIKE THE JELLOTONS FOURS COPY WAS REPROGRAMED AND RECONSRRUCTED INTO A ROLE ONLY ORDER WOULD WANT.

And from dat ominoius statement Baby Order left on 4s Soul Weapon Pallete, I point to this other little fact.

Overlorder...so many little hints at the corrupted A.I twists what was going to be 4s job, or rather reaaaaally likes that idea.

And just inking goes for 4.

We or those who have read Marina's Dev Dairies know the rather horrifying and painfully traumatize process of being Sanitized.

And I point out GreyScaling sounds pretty similar no?

The memverse was made to REVERSE IT, or at least help bring life back to those poor empty husks. Yah, they legit said Husks.

I'm thinking Overlorder took dat Data and used it to form the Greyscaling process, taking advantage of the Glitch or Security Risk in the memverse and sucked up A Soul Fragment of Agent 4s portion via the Shellphone -to form the Copy Amalgamation of Parallel Cannon.

Ironically creating a Security System Avatar.

For its own purpose.

And may I point out, in my run after defeating Marina...it was them who I encountered next as if my 8 had activated the Avatar by excuting some form of alarm system built into the spire. And I recall that Marina made the whole thing to be repeatable, helping 8 or any Sanitized Octo regain their memories--yet when yah defeat dah boss, she reacts if she had never designed or even put in a template for that boss...unlike the other two. Which would explain dah new info e got on Order capturing and copying 4s Agent Skillset and Biodata for its own foul use!

-------(Edit: The famistu interview duddddes.)

A MUCH clearer new info about 4...

See dah part where der made out of sludge?

GREY FAMILIAR LOOKING SLUDGE. Grey Oooze...apparently capable of not only erasing memories and the conscious self, but also copying the Soul Fragments of captured victims when installed or pasted into it, thus creating an Artificial and rather freaky constructs or Avatars for Order to use...

A copy they maybe...but it still had to come from the Original Agent 4.

And I don't think Four would have willingly allowed the Corrupted Order A.i to use their biodata and skillsets for such a dark purpose.

IF yah think about it dis way, they had a fragment of der soul torn from themselves, thus becoming a victim and vulnerable to Greyscaling. THAN that Fragment was, forcibly copied without OGs Fours permission and most likely put through some kind of Greyscaling process, it's body and much like the Jellotons, was reconstructed and copied again tah be used as a weapon...

THAN that remaining OG Soul Fragment as turned into 4s favorite weapon...

Like hers how the describe Fours personality and traits directly from in-game lore:

"Agent 4 is described as a silent squid who goes with the flow even in raging waters, and values freedom and flexibility. They also "blast through any situation with ease." Agent 4 did not initially know who the Squid Sisters were, but later came to respect them after their journey in Octo Canyon. Agent 4, as seen in promo pictures and art, has a diligent work ethic, a lot of confidence, and is extremely free-spirited. Compared to Agent 3, they are shown to be more easygoing and relaxed, yet slightly upbeat in their mannerisms and are constantly depicted as smiling in official art."- Inkipedia

Now try and imagine how having a fragment of their soul captured would effect such a sunshine ray of an Agent... and I could see why Order made a moldable copy of Four. Four would rebel with all der might against Order, like Corrupted Order sounds like their worst nightmare...

And that is my thoughts on dah whole Agent 4 Thang.

[sky-kiss]

Okay hear me out. This isn't exactly a request unless...👀

But the Raphael x Tav dynamic where he is the only one who can poke fun or give them a hard time is eating my brain.

Like "I can call them a vapid little fool, but if anyone else does the exact same thing it's hellfire and brimstone for them. For a hundred years."

He'd call it affection if it was in his vocabulary.

A/n: This is short, but I’ve been doing a lot of Carrot!Raph and not a lot of Stick!Raph. Some gore and torture ahead. XD Also I don't think this is what you wanted RIP.

__________

“All this caterwauling! You should really feel blessed, little lamb! I rarely sully my hands these days.” Raphael folded his hands at the small of his back. Isolated from the scene around him, the devil would have appeared perfectly genteel: his doublet remained pressed, hair immaculate. Only the eyes were different, violently bright in the prison’s omnipresent gloom. 

Souls and prisoners howled around them, some in agony, some in a desperate attempt to catch the Master’s attention. He didn’t hear; only his guest mattered. 

The cambion stopped, lingering just outside their field of vision. They’d finally stopped screaming, lapsing into hiccuping sobs, slumped in on themselves. Not his finest work, he’d be the first to admit, but the rage had come upon him too abruptly for a more cerebral punishment. He reached out, fisting his hand in the sweaty mass of their hair, and tugged their head back. Terror flooded their eyes; their mouth tried to curl back in horror but failed to manage it. His claws left the cheek a ruin of tissue. He tapped a nail against the wound. They knew better than to twitch away. 

“Remind me why I’m entertaining you, little one.” 

It took three attempts before they could finally choke the word out: “Duchess.” 

“Ah, yes. How forgetful! You will have to forgive the indiscretion.” Raphael stepped closer. He’d made quite a mess, honestly. Bones jutted from strange, haphazard angles; he’d removed a few in a fit of pique. He didn’t believe they were essential, but it was always so difficult to tell with mortals. He yanked, and the little thing screamed their anguish. “And what was it you said? Be specific; your life depends on it.” 

“W…whore. Whore queen. Raph…” they winced. The mouth couldn't form the words, an ever-increasing disconnect between the body and brain as blood loss took its toll. “Your cunt.” 

“An inelegant summation.” He wiped his hand on the thing’s shoulders, glancing across the chamber. “Care to vouch for them, duchess?” 

His pet chuckled. What a sight! His finest treasure, her gown set with gems, gold chains hanging about her horns. He had created art with her. “It is they say, my duke.” 

“And that bodes well for you, little one.” Raphael knelt beside them, stroking hair back from their face. They turned their face into the motion, an awful pantomime of intimacy. “Though…perhaps not as well as you might have hoped. I guard my treasures so zealously, and she is first among them. You understand, don’t you?” 

They nodded, miserable. 

“But I am not without mercy. Should you apologize to her…we could start fresh. Would you like that, little one?” He pitched his voice lower, speaking as if in conspiracy. Two friends, ready to make peace. They released a shuddering breath and nodded. Raphael held out his arm to his duchess. She came to him with vibrant eyes and a smile, a pretty reflection of all he’d accomplished. His conquest, his might, his pretty love. “Begin, wretch.” 

“Beg…beg forgiveness, dutchess. Please…gods, please, forgive us…” 

His duchess hummed. “You are forgiven, wretch.” And to Raphael, “My love, must you play with your food? Are you nearly finished?” 

“Very nearly, little mouse. First,” he withdrew a vial from his doublet, a draught of restorative waters. He held it to his guest's lips. Like magic, flesh mended itself! Wounds shrunk and disappeared! In a matter of moments, they were whole once more.

“Merciful King, kind lord,” they sobbed, crawling towards him. The wretch painted the toe of his boot with kisses. “Never again. Not a word against you or the lady will pass my lips.” 

“No. I imagine not.” He nudged their ribs with his boots. “Alas, our fresh start will have to wait. My duchess requires me.” The imps crawled forward, hungry and eager. “I leave you in my staff’s ever-capable hands.”