#This has been done for hours and tumblr just hasn’t let me post it

[kairithemang0]

Today I realized this songs lyrics make zero sense

And you also just like… can’t hear most of them? Eh, whatever I had fun with this one

[shy2-29]

𝘼 𝙏𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙢𝙖𝙨 | 𝙡.𝙝𝙨 [𝙢]

pairing: heeseung x afab!reader

synopsis: there are 4 more days until Christmas, and both you and your boyfriend Heeseung are invited to Jake, (Heeseung’s friend)’s early Christmas party. Everything seemed to go smoothly until a certain someone shows up, causing you to storm out of the party, away from Heeseung. It’s been 3 days, and Heeseung hasn’t talked to you since. Tomorrow is Christmas and all you’ve done is lay in your bed. Will Heeseung do anything about it? Will your Christmas be saved?

word count: 4.6k

theme: angst, fluff, sfw

authors note: yes I know Christmas passed but.. ugh I just couldn’t resist🙃 anyways this took me two days so pls reblog to show support :) e/n stands for “exes name” btw. Sunoo and Jake are side characters in the story. Reader calls Heeseung ‘Hee,’ sometimes. First fanfic and im new to tumblr so gimme some time 😭 sorry I posted it earlier than intended, I have 0 patients 💀

warning: ‼️ not proof read, crying, swearing, cheating kinda, pet names, reader starves herself, but that’s rlly it but if there’s anything I missed, please lmk ‼️

requests: open

As you walk into the party with Heeseung, you can feel the stares coming your way. Jake, Heeseung’s closest friend, eyes your matching Christmas sweaters with a smirk. "Looks like the couple of the hour has arrived," he teases, noticing the red, sparkly antler headbands you are both wearing. "You two make a pretty cute pair with those holiday outfits."

Heeseung rolls his eyes at Jake’s teasing and tries to defend himself. “It was her idea, not mine,” he grumbles, motioning towards you. “She’s the one who picked out these ridiculous sweaters.”

Jake chuckles and leans against his table, looking you up and down. “No kidding?” he says with a smirk. “Looks like your girlfriend has good taste. I like the antler headbands.”

Heeseung let out a frustrated sigh. “Can we please change the subject?”

“What, do you not like it?” You pout, clinging onto Heeseung’s sweater, seeking his reassurance.

He shakes his head, a small smile forming on his face as he looks down at you. “Of course I like it,” he assures you gently, patting your head. “I was just annoyed by Jake’s teasing. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

As the knock on the door echoes, Jake quickly opens it to reveal a stunning figure - e/n. She exudes elegance with her long, silky black hair and flawless skin.

Heeseung's heart skips a beat as he lays eyes on her. It has been quite some time since they've seen each other in person, and despite the occasional texts, his heart does a little somersault. He quickly tries to hide his reaction, but he can feel the curious gazes of both Jake and the others, who clearly notice his change in expression.

You on the other hand, remain blissfully ignorant of who she is and the history she shares with Heeseung.

“What are you guys so shocked about?” you ask, noticing the mildly stunned expressions on both guy’s faces.

Heeseung takes a deep breath, a mix of nervousness and determination in his eyes. "e/n is...someone I’ve known for a while," he explains hesitantly, his voice betraying his emotions. "We go way back."

“Oh!” you say cheerfully, perking up a smile. “Then we should go say h— “

Heeseung quickly interrupts you, his heart pounding in his chest. "No, no." he says, his voice edged with anxiety. "You don't have to greet her."

“No Heeseung,“ you try to protest, taking his hand in yours. “A friend of yours is a friend of mine!”

Jake lets out a scoff, raising an eyebrow at your innocent demeanour. He shakes his head and scrolls through his phone.

Heeseung hesitates for a moment, his heart conflicted. Part of him doesn't want to let you approach her, knowing that seeing e/n would bring up a maelstrom of emotions for him. But at the same time, he didn't want to upset you, so he eventually gives in.

"Okay," he says reluctantly, his grip on your hand tightening. "Let's go greet her then..”

You both make your way to the entrance, slowly approaching e/n. She looks more beautiful than ever, her long black hair cascading down her shoulders. As she spots you both, her face lights up in a warm smile.

“Heeseung,” she says, her voice soft and honeyed. “It’s been so long.”

He smiles weakly, his heart thudding in his chest. “Yeah, it has,” he responds, trying to support a cool exterior. “How have you been?”

She looks at him for a moment, her eyes lingering on his face before shifting to you. Her expression softens and she smiles warmly. "And who is this?" she asks, eyeing you up and down in a friendly manner.

“I’m y/n, his girlfriend,” you reply with your usual warm smile. “It’s nice to meet you! Heeseung tells me you’re an old friend of his?” you inquire, tilting your head to the side curiously.

E/n smirks, her tone laced with an undercurrent of amusement. "An old friend, huh? Is that what Heeseung told you?"

She looks at you, her eyes flicking over your body before settling on your face again. "You're cute," she says, her voice still tinged with humour. "Heeseung really lucked out with you."

As you let out a happy squeal, Heeseung feels a pang of guilt, his smile faltering. Your innocent joy contrasts sharply with His burdened knowledge.

"Heeseung, have you been keeping secrets from your pretty girlfriend?" e/n asks.

Heeseung glowers at her, his jaw clenched. "No, I haven't," he snaps, trying to maintain his composure. "I've never lied to her."

E/n smirks, her tone suggestive. "You sure you've never lied to her, Heeseung, even about a certain ex-girlfriend?"

E/n interrupts, her smirk still in place. "He still has feelings for me," she declares confidently, her eyes flickering to Heeseung’s tense face. "Three months ago, he personally reached out to me, confessing that he still has deep feelings for me and desired to reconnect. Yet, he mysteriously omitted to mention that he was in a new relationship with you."

Heeseung can't tear his eyes away from you as you try to downplay the situation. You're being so sweet and understanding, and it only makes him feel even more guilty for lying to you. He can’t bring himself to meet your gaze, filled with shame and guilt. The room is eerily quiet, the party guests watching the tense exchange with bated breath. You can feel your heart sinking as you release his hand. “Is that true, Hee…?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

Heeseung looks down, unable to meet your eyes. “It’s true,” he mutters, his voice heavy with remorse. “I haven’t been completely honest with you. I’ve still thought about e/n…even though we’re together.”

The revelation hangs heavily in the air, the room still eerily quiet. You stand there, absorbing the weight of his admission, the party still going on around you but feeling a world apart from the festivities.

The others gasp in disbelief and disapproval as Jiwon chuckles smugly. You, meanwhile, remain silent, absorbing the weight of my confession. Heeseung can't bear to look at your face right now.

You break the silence with a frustrated remark, "This is stupid." You take off your red sparkling reindeer headband and placed it on a nearby table, not wasting another moment before walking out of Jake's house.

The room is still, a heavy silence hanging in the air after the reader’s frustrated remark and their departure. The people at the party watch on with looks of judgment and disappointment, although Heeseung is too focused on the door to pay them any mind. He wants to go after you, to explain himself and try to make things right.

Jake shakes his head in disbelief, shooting Heeseung a disapproving glare. “Seriously man?” he mutters. “You better go catch up to her.”

But e/n, still firmly holding onto his sweater, has other ideas, her voice laced with a hint of possessiveness. "Don’t go after her," she says, her grip on his sweater growing tighter. "You’re not over me, Heeseung. It’s pointless."

"You're just going to hurt your little girlfriend even more," e/n continues, her voice mocking. "You shouldn't be with her if you're still not over me."

He turns to e/n, his expression hard and filled with frustration. "This isn’t about you," he says firmly, his voice low. "This is between her and me. You have no right to tell me what to do."

He can feel his anger growing at her words. But he can't deny the truth in them.

—

It has been 3 days since the incident at Jake’s early Christmas party, and Heeseung hasn’t spoken to you since. You’re not sure if it’s because he’s busy with e/n, or he’s just waiting for the write time to apologize.

Three days have passed and Heeseung hasn't spoken to you since. You're not sure if it’s because he's busy with e/n, or he's just waiting for the right time to apologize. You, on the other hand, have been inside your apartment all day, moping around miserably. You've also stopped eating as well. Sunoo, your roommate, tries cheering you up, and you still have not left your room. Sunoo knows it’s not like you to be so down on Christmas—after all, it’s your favorite time of the year.

“Come on, let’s finish up decorating the apartment,” Sunoo begs, “pleaseee, forget about that jerk! Ever since that incident happened, you stopped helping me decorate the apartment and Christmas is in less than 24 hours!”

Sunoo knows it’s not like you to be so down on the holidays, especially your favorite time of the year. Even the thought of Christmas failed to lift your spirits this time.

"Fine," you sigh, finally emerging from your room to help Sunoo decorate.

You take a moment to freshen yourself up, putting on your favorite hoodie and combing your hair. With a renewed energy, you join Sunoo in the living room.

"Hey, Sunoo," you start, looking at the growing pile of decorations. "Can we bake some Christmas cookies?"

Sunoo's face lights up at the suggestion. "Definitely, you could use something sweet huh?” His cheerful mood drops when notices your usual cheerful mood still lacking, even after getting out of your room. "Still haven't heard from Heeseung, huh?" he asks, watching you sink into the couch.

"No," you reply, pouting. "I didn't expect him to be such a jerk. Not even an apology."

Sunoo sighs at your words, a sympathetic look on his face. “I’m sure there’s more to the story than just that,” he says, trying to reassure you. “Maybe there’s a reason he’s still hung up on her, a reason he can’t move on.”

You look up at him, a bitter expression on your face. “Like what? Nothing justifies still wanting his ex when he’s with me.”

Sunoo contemplates for a moment before speaking up, a hint of curiosity in his tone. "Well, have you ever asked him why he still had feelings for her?"

You shake your head, a mixture of anger and frustration. "No, why would I ask that? It just hurts more to hear the answer."

Sunoo nods, his expression understanding. "But don't you think it's important to understand why he still carries feelings for her? Maybe there's a deeper explanation behind it."

You hesitate, knowing deep down that Sunoo has makes a good point. "I...I suppose I never considered that," you admit. "But it still doesn't make me feel any better knowing he still has feelings for her. It feels like our relationship was a second choice."

—

“You fucked up dude,” Jake sighs as he watches Heeseung throws himself onto his bed. It’s been three days since the incident, and Heeseung being the pussy he is, he can’t bare to speak to you. He knows he messed up, and he keeps telling himself he’ll never be forgiven.

Heeseung groans and sits up to face Jake. "Yeah, I know," he replies, a look of guilt on his face. "I just can't bring myself to talk to her. I know I messed up bad and I'm sure she'll never forgive me."

"Come on, at least give it a try," Jake urges. "Christmas is tomorrow. Maybe you can explain the whole situation to her and tell her it was just the beginning and that you never kept contact with e/n. I’m sure she’d forgive you; you know y/n is a caring person.”

After minutes of persuading, Jake finally convinces Heeseung to call you. Heeseung hesitates, looking anxious.

"But what if she-"

"Just do it," Jake interrupts firmly, pressing the call button under your contact name on Heeseung's phone, y/nnie 💗.

—

Buzz

And another.

Buzz

"Y/n!" Sunoo calls from to you from the kitchen. "Heeseung is calling!"

Your heart skips a beat as you hurriedly finished your business and rushed to the kitchen, where your phone is lying on the counter. You grab it, nearly dropping it in the process, and motion for Sunoo to leave the kitchen. He side-eyes you before leaving, carrying freshly baked christmas goods with him.

You bring the phone to your ear. "Hello?"

"Y/n," Heeseung's faint voice came through the other end. "Can I come over tomorrow? We need to talk."

Your breath hitches at the sound of his voice, heart thudding heavily in your chest. What could he possibly want to talk about?

—

You lay in bed, rolling over to the right side, and let out a weary yawn. The clock on your bedside table reads 8:21 am. You and Heeseung had agreed that he would come over around noon, so you still had plenty of time to prepare.

As you choose an outfit, your mind keeps returning to the same thought - did Heeseung and e/n ever meet up? Did he really have feelings for her? Your gaze lands on the hideous Christmas sweater you both wore at Jake's party. "Fuck Christmas," you mutter to yourself, heading to the bathroom to comb your hair and apply a decent amount of makeup.

You hurry out of your room, admiring the festive decorations Sunoo and you had spent hours putting up yesterday, and the Christmas sugar cookies laid out in the kitchen. Your gaze drifts to the window to see it snowing, making you squeal in excitement. "Sunoo! Sunoo, it's snowing!" you exclaim, rushing to his cozy room and shaking his tired body.

Sunoo turns to face you with a sleepy expression, his blonde hair tousled, his flawless skin illuminated by the morning light.

"Wha...?" he mumbles, rubbing his eyes and looking out the window at the falling snow. "Oh, yeah, it is." He turns back to you, a sly smile forming on his lips. "Someone looks excited. Is it because you haven't seen Heeseung in almost a week?"

Before you can respond, the doorbell rings, making you jump a bit. You glance at his alarm clock—it wasn't even 9:00 yet. Was Heeseung early?

You quickly rush to the door, Sunoo behind you. The doorbell rings again as you reach the door, and you can feel your heart starting to race. You take a deep breath and open the door.

Heeseung stands hesitantly on the doorstep, looking a bit nervous and discomfited. He clears his throat and asks quietly, "I know I’m early but... can I come in?"

You open the door wider, indicating that he can enter. Sunoo, standing next to you, observes Him with an unreadable expression.

As Heeseung takes in the cheerful decor, the view of white snowflakes drifting down from the early morning sky, his eyes widen, clearly impressed. He glances down at the two bags in his hands, realizing that you and Sunoo probably hadn't anticipated him bringing gifts.

"I got you both something." He says awkwardly, holding out the bags to you and Sunoo. "Merry Christmas."

Heeseung shuffles awkwardly in place, feeling somewhat out of place as Sunoo accepts the bags and places them beneath the radiant, lit Christmas tree. Sunoo then gives you a knowing wink before disappearing into his room.

"So.." you begin, perching on the plush leather couch, your body tingling with the warmth radiating from the fireplace. Heeseung takes a seat next to you, keeping a close proximity, allowing you to feel the heat of his body. The fire in the fireplace crackles and pops as the two of you sit in a thick silence. The atmosphere is beginning to feel suffocating, so you take the initiative.

"Are you going to explain yourself or what?" you mutter, avoiding his gaze. It is difficult to look at him after the incident at Jake's place. Yet, you know you owe it to yourself to listen to him. He sighs deeply, staring at nothing in particular, clearly uncomfortable. He, too, refuses to make eye contact, well aware of the nature of the upcoming conversation. A cocktail of emotions fills him, with embarrassment and shame at the forefront.

"It's true," he begins, his voice soft and filled with remorse, "I wasn't over e/n. But I am now."

He then lifts his chin up to look at you, finally ready to speak. "It was when we first started dating. I was browsing through social media and stumbled upon her Instagram. I decided to send her a message, flirting with her occasionally." He pauses, hesitating, before continuing. "However, as I got to know you better, I fell head over heels for you. So, I completely shut her out of my life."

He’s looking at you intently now. His gaze is fixated on the side of your face, hoping that you will turn around and look at him. He hates that you aren’t looking at him, he wanted to see your expressions so he can read you like a book. He continues to speak in a soft tone, as he knows he is treading on thin ice with you.

“I swear that I wasn’t even thinking of her, and I had no intention to ever do anything with her...” his voice was even softer now as he reached out towards you. He touched your knee gently, hoping to get you to glance at him. “Please come back to me, I miss you...”

Your heart is conflicted—a part of you longs to forgive him, but deep down you know that what he did was inexcusable. Unable to admit how much you actually miss him; you utter words to mask your true emotions. "What you did was wrong… even if it was at the beginning of our relationship."

He can start feeling himself deflate with every word you say, desperation becoming apparent in his voice. “Please forgive me...” he moved his hand from your knee to your arm, gripping it gently. “i’ll do anything you need me to do... just please forgive me...”

He moved closer to you, pleading silently for you to look at him. “Please look at me. I need to see what you’re thinking and feeling. i’ve missed you so much these past few days...”

He grabbed your chin suddenly and made you look at him. He searched your eyes, desperately looking for a sign that you still had some kind of feelings for him. “don’t pull away from me please..”

The sight of him, so distraught and vulnerable, tugs at your heartstrings and tears well up in your eyes. You struggle to hold them back as you force out, “I…I’m willing to give you another chance.”

His eyes widened at your words and a look of relief washed over his face. He began to tear up himself and a small smile formed on his lips. He let go of your chin and hugged you, burying his face into the crook of your neck. “do you mean it? you’ll give me another chance..?”

You hum in response, wrapping your arms around his neck as you pull him in closer, the tears you’ve been holding in finally spilling out.

He buried his face even deeper into your neck, his hair tickling your face. He felt your tears hit his neck, and he began to cry as well. He was finally going to have you back in his arms again, he wasn’t letting you go this time.

“As hard as it is to admit,” you say between sniffle, “I missed you so much Hee..”

He squeezed you slightly against him at your words, as if he was reassuring himself that you were really there in his arms. “I missed you a whole lot more..” he mumbled into your neck.

—

After hours spent reconnecting, catching up on the four days spent without each other, Sunoo eventually emerges from his room and joins you. The three of you settle down to watch the film, "Home Alone," as the night falls, the dark sky contrasting beautifully with the sparkling Christmas lights.

Throughout the movie, Heeseung unconsciously makes sure to physically touch you in some way—leaning his head on your shoulder, holding your hand, or resting his knee against yours. It's as if he's trying to make up for the lack of contact over the last few days.

"Hey, let's open the gifts under the tree now," Sunoo suggests, a hint of eagerness in his voice. "I've been waiting for centuries."

Heeseung laughs at Sunoo’s exaggerated statement, and he leans back from where he was leaning on your shoulder. “Alright then let’s go,” he says, standing up and holding out his hand to you.

He practically jumps off the couch and onto the floor by the Christmas tree.

—

After many minutes of unwrapping and laughter, the only presents left to be opened are the ones you prepared for Heeseung and you.

"Heeseung, it's your turn," you grin, handing him a rectangular box wrapped in red and white wrapping paper. Seeing the excitement in his eyes makes your heart skip a beat.

Heeseung eagerly takes the box, his expression filled with anticipation. He carefully peels off the wrapping paper, slowly revealing the contents inside. You watch as his smile grows wider and wider, his eyes widening in disbelief at the sight of the brand-new fancy keyboard, a cool-looking mouse, and gaming headphones. You chuckle as he gazes at the gifts in wonder, clearly thrilled with his presents.

"You play a lot of games, Hee," you laugh, taking in his astonished and embarrassed reaction. You remember the times you’d just sit there in his room, listening to him game with his friends as you help clean his room, paint your nails, or whatever it is that you fancy.

Heeseung was a bit stunned at your gift, speechless for a few seconds as he just stared at the box of gaming accessories. He knew those things were expensive, and his mouth was still slightly open in shock.

He looked up at you with a smile and a slight embarrassed blush crept across his face. “You really didn’t have to, Y/n..”

Holding the box gently in his hands, Heeseung runs his fingers over its smooth edges, still unable to believe you got all these fantastic gifts for him. His heart races and he can't seem to wipe the wide smile from his face. "Okay, now it's your turn to open the gift I got for you," he says, reaching behind him to grab a medium-sized box wrapped in black and yellow wrapping paper. His smile has a hint of nervousness as he hands you the present.

Heeseung shoots Sunoo a glare, but quickly forgets about him and turns his full attention back to you as you open the envelope. He’s watching your every move intently, waiting for you to read the first card.

You happily accept the box, and your fingers begin to unwrap the paper with careful precision. Heeseung watches you intently, his gaze shifting between your face and your hands, filled with a mixture of excitement and nervousness. His eyes flicker back and forth as he waits in anticipation for your reaction.

As you remove the wrapping from the box, a beautiful silk pink pajama set is revealed. Your eyes widen in awe, but Heeseung tells you there's more, pointing to a small envelope inside the box.

You carefully take the pajama set out of the box, revealing a small envelope with the words “100 reasons why I love you" written on it. Sunoo tries to catch a glimpse, rolling his eyes at the sight. "Ew, you cheesy fucks," he mutters, giving both of you a playful side-eye.

Heeseung gazes at you intently, carefully observing your facial expressions as you progress through the list. He notices the surprise, then a subtle smile, and finally, a full grin once you finish reading the last reason.

Tears fill your eyes, welling up to the point of spilling over. You scoot closer to him, nuzzling your head against his chest.

"It means so much to me, Hee," you say softly.

Heeseung wraps his arms around you, holding you close as you nestle your head against his chest, tears soaking into his shirt.

He gently rubs your back, comforting you, with one hand resting on the small of your back and the other running through your hair. "Of course, baby," he whispers, his voice filled with affection. "I love you so fucking much."

Sunoo rolls his eyes at the intimate moment and quietly takes his cue to leave, giving Heeseung the ‘you stole my best friend away from me’ look, leaving you two alone under the flickering lights of the tree.

The rest of the night was spent talking and laughing, enjoying each other’s company. And when the sky completely darkened, he carried you to his room and held you all night.

You nuzzle your head further into his chest, relishing the feeling of his fingers running through your hair. You can hear his heartbeat through his shirt, and you find the steady rhythm comforting.

Heeseung moves his other hand to your waist, intertwining your legs in his. He let out a soft sigh, feeling completely content as he held you close.

“Merry Christmas y/n.”

—

Omg I had so much fun writing this😭 lmk if you wanna be added on my tag list! My requests are open :) read my pinned post for more info

taglist: @mheretoreadff

[cricketnationrise]

hello! :) THIS IS SO CUTE I CAN'T WAIT FOR A POSSIBLE CRICKET EXCLUSIVE!! because i am obsessed with u fr but that's common knowledge. <3

for the ficlet fest, if you'd like:

time stamp: 2:23am

location: brownstone

character: alex/henry

song: this is me trying by taylor swift (only if you want!!!!!!!)

rating: whatever you'd like

but like you can go any direction with this I'm just always projecting my adhd/anxiety/not good enough feelings onto alex on a regular basis :')

my ao3: firenati0n | Archive of Our Own (same as tumblr user)

THANK YOU SO MUCH! SENDING LOVE XOXO

your cricket exclusive is here! i actually went full on henry pov with this one bc my brain got stuck on the trying of it all. so have some first post-canon fight make up. this is actually the longest ficlet yet, but somehow i don't think that'll be a problem 😂 💜🦗

read the rest of the ficlets here!

❤️🤍💙❤️🤍💙

2:32am, brownstone

The brownstone is quiet when he returns, which is completely reasonable for just after two-thirty in the bloody morning. 

It’s also immaculate, which is decidedly less so, especially considering the state of the place when Henry stomped out a few hours ago. 

The hallway is clear of trip hazards, shoes neatly in the rack. The kitchen gleams in the range hood light; counters clear and wiped down, small appliances lined up as precisely as Buckingham guards. Peeking his head in the for-once dark office reveals two tidy desks, chairs pushed in, and both of their laptops plugged in and charging. 

The den at the base of the stairs makes Henry pause. The stacks of books have been put away. The coasters on the coffee table have been relieved of their burdens of half-drunk tea cups and abandoned coffee mugs. In the dim light from the street lamps through the window, Henry can even see vacuum lines in the carpet. A second glance has Henry taking cautious steps inside.

There is one thing out of place after all. 

On the couch, propped on a few of the numerous throw pillows Pez insisted upon, and tucked into the quilt Ellen sent them, is Alex. Like an anchor to the ocean floor, Henry is drawn into the room, and to Alex’s side. 

He kneels between the coffee table and the couch near Alex’s head and just looks for a long moment. Alex clearly hasn’t been sleeping well. The couch is too short, even for Alex’s shorter frame, so his legs are tucked uncomfortably. His curls are more of a wild mess than normal, like he’s been tugging at them. Alex is gripping the quilt as tightly as he normally clutches Henry, and there’s deep furrows on his forehead. 

Henry should let him sleep, probably—neither of them have been sleeping all that well. Increased paparazzi presence as Alex’s first semester of law school starts and Henry takes a more active role in the shelter has been stressful. But Henry can’t help but reach out and try to smooth those lines on his forehead. Something churning and tense settles inside him when his gentle touch has Alex’s eyes blinking open, a small smile on his face when he recognizes Henry.. 

“You came back.”

“Of course I did, love.”

Alex exhales messily, blinking back tears now. “I wasn’t sure— After earlier—”

Henry shushes him with a hand on his cheek. “I will always come back to you. Promised I was done being an obtuse fuckin’ asshole, didn’t I?”

“You still left, though,” Alex says.

It’s Henry’s turn to fight back tears. “I could hear myself sounding more and more like Philip at his worst. It scared me. I didn’t want to subject you to that, to even inadvertently use my knowledge of you as a weapon. So I left before words I didn’t actually mean could find their mark.” He sways forward, resting his forehead on Alex’s, needing to be closer. “You deserve more than sharply aimed words, especially when you haven’t done a thing wrong.” 

“Hen…”

“I’m sorry Alex. I shouldn’t have— I knew it would be different once the paparazzi got wind of our plans, but I wasn’t prepared for how much more invasive they would feel. I’m having a hard time adjusting to life beyond Kensington’s thick walls and I started to take it out on you.”

Alex’s hand pulls on his shoulder. “C’mere.”

Henry climbs onto the couch and sprawls undignified on top of Alex, tucking his head into the crook of his neck. Alex’s hands, as ever, hold him steady, rubbing large circles across his back.

“There were two people in our fight, Henry. You aren’t the only one struggling. Or taking it out on the person he loves.” He presses a kiss to Henry’s temple. “I could hear echoes of my parents, but couldn’t figure out how to stop the word vomit. And that scared me—I never want you and I to be like them.”

Henry pulls his head back to meet his gaze fiercely. “Never.”

Alex smiles at his vehement tone, but it's got a rueful edge to it. “We’re gonna have to figure out how to talk about this stuff before it blows up in our faces again.” 

“Not tonight, though?”

“Nah, not tonight.” 

They’re quiet for a long moment, curled around each other on the couch, when a niggling thought finds its way past Henry’s lips. 

“Alex?”

“Hmm?”

“Why were you on the couch? Did you— Did you not want to be in our room?”

Alex holds him tighter. “I— You left and— So I was cleaning, and I did this room last, and when I was done there was no way stairs were happening, so I just collapsed here. I didn’t  actually think I'd fall asleep, I don't usually when you aren’t right next to me.”

“So it wasn’t because you wanted space from me?”

“Fucking hell, baby. No, I never want space. I want the opposite of space from you. If I could figure out a way to crawl into your rib cage every night I would.”

“Oh.” The last bit of tension leaves Henry’s body at that and he relaxes fully on top of Alex. 

“Yeah, oh.” Alex chuckles. “But, as nice as you feel on top of me, it’s late and this couch ain’t big enough for the two of us.” 

“You fit on it better than I do,” Henry can’t help but tease.

“First of all, rude. Second of all, I also have to pee so get up before I shove you off.” 

Reluctantly, Henry stands and reaches down to help Alex up after him. Henry folds the quilt and hangs it over the back of the couch, smoothing the last wrinkles with his hand. When he straightens up, Alex is only halfway up the stairwell. 

“Meet you in bed?” Alex whispers.

Henry climbs up to meet him. “Always, love.”

[hpcottagecorefest]

HP COTTAGECORE 2023 - MASTERLIST

This has been a wonderful event! Thanks to everyone who participated. 🧺🧺🧺

This is the masterlist post in which all entries submitted across all platforms will be listed.

The AO3 collection will stay open till the end of the year for any late submissions. If you want the blog to reblog your work on Tumblr, please tag @hpcottagecorefest and #hpcottagecorefest2023. 

Moodboards

🖼️ Meadows || Gardening - @givereadersahug / emeraldlove Sirius Black/Severus Snape || Rated G

🖼️ The Herald - @givereadersahug / emeraldlove Harry Potter/Severus Snape || Rated G

Fics

📖 The Cottage in the Woods - @lumosatnight / lumosdrabbles (lumosatnight) Fleur Delacour/Hermione Granger || Rated G || 200 words

There is a cottage in the woods just outside of town.

📖 Moonlight - @givereadersahug / emeraldlove Hermione Granger/Luna Lovegood || Rated G || 340 words

This year marked their fifth year together, and Hermione already knew what she wanted to surprise Luna with.

📖 Speak Now - @avalynlestrange Draco Malfoy/Reader || Rated NR || <2k words

In which you rudely barge in on a white veil occasion.

📖 Under Our Feet - icefire_eyes23 Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy || Rated M || 4.8k+

Growth may be a natural and essential part of the human condition, but that doesn't mean Hermione Granger has to like it. Harry Potter Cottagecore Fest 2023.

📖 A Walk in the Woods - @thecouchsofa / thecouchsofa Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter || Rated E || 48.2k

After ending up in the Spell Damage Ward at St Mungo’s, Harry is put on mandatory holiday leave. The catch: he has to spend it with Malfoy at his cottage deep in the woods. Harry has no idea why Malfoy agreed to host him, considering he avoided ever being alone in a room with Harry before he left for his sabbatical a year ago. To complicate things, Harry’s enormous longstanding crush hasn’t waned at all in Malfoy’s absence.

Podfics

🎙️ Deadheading the Odd Dahlia by peachpety - Cailynwrites Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter || Rated E || 64 minutes

Harry is content to spend his days at Draco’s flower stall at the farmers market, burying his true feelings in artisanal coffee and rose bouquets. When forced to find new lodgings, he accepts Draco’s offer to live in a cottage at Malfoy Manor, and his long-hidden crush blossoms out of control. Turns out, proximity makes the heart grow fonder.

🎙️  Oh Your Love Is Sunlight by B1ackCatChatsBack - Cailynwrites Sirius Black/Remus Lupin || Rated E || 353 minutes

“James texted about an hour ago,” he called after Remus as he used his phone as a torch to get to the kitchen and dug out the bees-wax candles he stored there for emergencies, “Apparently there’s a weather warning ... says he won’t expect me home until tomorrow and asks if you could leave a bowl of water and a newspaper on the floor in the kitchen for me,” he finished, voice shaking with humour Remus snorted “I’m sure we can come to an arrangement,” he teased as he returned. “If I’m very good, can I sleep on the bed?” came Sirius’s reply, “I promise not to lick you awake at ungodly hours of the night,” he finished with a smirk lit by his phone as Remus re-entered the room by the light of a lit candle. “Now that’s not a promise I can let you keep, Darling,” he purred as he placed the candle on the nightstand and clambered onto the bed quicker than he’d done anything else in his life. OR Sirius is stuck in a rut - in a job that he hates without any time to pursue his real passion in the aftermath of a toxic relationship - and goes to visit his friends on the rural coast and finds much more than he bargained for - and maybe exactly what he needs.

🎙️ Silver lime and Thestral hair by gnarf - Cailynwrites Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter || Rated T || 39 minutes

The war had damaged Harry, something that had become very clear once he had started his Auror training. He had to hand in his robes after only three months. He just couldn't do it. So, when Hermione burst into his flat, a letter in her hands about a vacancy for an apprentice, Harry suddenly found himself in front of Ollivander's, nerves on edge, while trying to talk himself into just reaching for the door.

🎙️ The Art of Seduction: Kidnapping and Hypothermia by ChaosAndCrumpets - Cailynwrites Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy || Rated E || 73 minutes

Hermione Granger's battered old Ford Fiesta is not built for snowstorms. It's a good thing there's a flannel-clad tractor driver to come to her rescue. Or is it?

[protect-daniel-james]

The Happy Fic Writer Ask Game

6 and 14?

6. Describe what you do and your feelings after posting a chapter.

Nowadays, I'm mostly happy that I managed to finish something - usually I post stuff and then still go through it and try to correct some bad spelling etc., but just for a little while. (I often post works without properly correcting/reading through them just because I want to get them out there asap). When I started posting fanfics, I would be really anxious about getting kudos and comments, and I was always disappointed when I didn't get any in like the first hour or two lol. I think I matured a lot when it comes to posting fanfiction - not only storytelling wise, but also in the way I got to the point of writing and posting largely self-indulgent fanfiction. Is there a large audience for Lampardverse cousin incest daddy issues breeding roleplay? Probably not. Is there a huge audience of people waiting to read about Emery caressing the walls of the stadium and getting aroused from it? Probably even less so. But I want these stories, and I want them to exist and be out there so maybe someone else can read them and say... hang on, this makes sense and explains so much...

So these days I'm not bothered about kudos at all. I love getting comments though of course! I love when someone finds interesting bits in my stories, or when they "accept" my headcanons... If I can make more people believe that Frank Lampard is very sad and round and wants his cousin to fuck him, or that Unai Emery indeed fucks football, then I think I succeeded as a fanfic writer.

And I love when out of nowhere, someone reaches out to me on tumblr to say "Hey, I just want to let you know I love your Rakidric stories!" or "I really enjoyed Grizione fics, are any more coming?" because it's so nice to see people interacting with "older" stories as well!

14. Share a snippet.

“What would you like to drink then, Unai?” The bridges were burned anyway by now. Granit has already defied the gaffer, forcefully taken back the gift he gave him only a month ago, and openly mocked him by now – the damage was done, so why leave it there? Unai’s eyes seemed unnaturally large in his pale, haggard face – everything about him was unnatural, now that Granit had a chance to really watch him, sitting in the darkened office, after yet another bad result, just about hanging to his job. He didn’t look like a gaffer at all. He was pathetic, weak, broken and little, and he might have been showing his teeth but he instilled in Granit just about as much fear as a tiger separated from him by a thick glass in a zoo. Moreover, he felt like it was the other way around. Unai hasn’t really confronted him about anything he did – he just sat behind his desk and pathetically asked him to leave. “Are you – “ Granit made sure to enjoy the sound of it “ – afraid of me?”

[psychic-refugee]

Thanks to the Anon on @heyharoldsboo 's page who gave me a shout out. Sorry I don’t do Anon Asks, frankly I don’t believe in anons. I barely believe in people who have fully developed blogs that have been operating for years. People curate and create online personas, myself included. It’s smart to not put your real life online. So, I take everything I see and hear on the internet with a grain of salt.

I do very much believe in protecting my peace, however. I’ve seen way too many people get brave behind the anon feature and just go absolutely vile.

As much as I know some anons are sweet and well meaning, “I won’t set myself on fire to keep you warm.” Tumblr and writing are a hobby, my mental health is the biggest source of wealth for me. I’m going to protect it at all costs.

My other justification is that Tumblr is free, it doesn’t cost anything to create a blog and to do the minimal work to make it not look like a porn bot. People can create a blog and ask me things that way if they really wanted to.

Sorry if a newcomer with an empty blog has tried to follow me, I’m pretty heavy handed with the block feature if I presume you’re a porn bot.

I do appreciate the thoughts and shout out.

So, lets talk about Cease and Desist letters. They mean nothing. lol That’s the long and short of it. They’re used as an intimidation tactic. Sometimes the threat of a lawsuit is enough to get the recipient to back down. It’s part of legal theatre.

They are not legally binding on either the sender or the recipient. If the accusers got anything, they could wipe their butts with it for all that it technically matters. You can write as many demands as you want, the recipients have the choice to ignore it. Most firms send it as an extra-judicial way of hopefully avoiding litigation. Why litigate for thousands upon thousands of Can$ if they can just send a warning shot? Sometimes, C&Ds are bluffs. Now, most people would take threats of legal action seriously, but given the accusers’ erratic behavior and immaturity they’ve shown thus far, they could also just as easily dismiss it as a joke.

It’s probably true that they do not have the money for attorneys. By that same logic, they do not have the money to make a suit worth it on PHW’s end. Will he really spend that much money on principals? Not sure a C&D is worth the time and money either.

If they say they haven’t gotten anything, I’m more inclined to believe them.

One anon made a good point regarding addresses. PHW’s representation might be having a hard time locating these women. Assuming he hasn’t spoken to them since high school, we’re talking at least three years. That’s plenty of time to have moved to a bunch of places if they don’t have steady employment. Did they go to university? Are they still in university? Could they be staying with a friend and don’t have a legal address? Could they still list their parents house while they’re living somewhere else?

So far, they’ve done PHW’s legal case more of a favor by continuing to post rather than to go dark. Given how toothless C&Ds are, it’s not worth the billable hours or fancy heavy stock letterhead to write one IMO, plus on top of hiring someone to find them.

I also see these women as being petty enough to have posted the letters if they got them. It’s not illegal to show a letter you’ve gotten. It’s their letter, if they show they got one, then they’re just stating facts. There’s no implied or enforceable gag order on not revealing they got a C&D.

His legal team may not want to prematurely reveal themselves either. Given how volatile Twitter and Tumblr could be, I wouldn’t want to expose my firm to trolls.

C&Ds aren’t required either. If I was going to sue, which they may still be considering at this stage, then I would just serve them an actual complaint. I don’t think a C&D is worth it at this stage if ever.

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

Shoe digression: Horsegirl Hour

A couple people commented on my high heel origin story post that they thought everybody knew that high heels originated with horseback riding. And it’s true. I did know that. I was a dyed-in-the-wool Horse Girl, endlessly obsessed with the topic. I absolutely knew that.

What snarled me up was that I could not believe that it happened circa 1580. I simply could not fathom the idea that nobody in Europe or its immediate neighbours wore high heels on horses until the 1500s. That is more than a thousand years after the invention of the stirrup! Wearing sturdy, closed-toe shoes with at least an inch of heel is and always has been the universal rule for being around horses... isn’t it?

Tumblr, you know the answer from the way I phrased the question. No, it hasn’t. This is from a 1556 manual of horsemanship:

(That type of form-fitting shoe they’re wearing is called a “turnshoe”, which means they have the protective value of a bedroom slipper or a soft leather glove. Because I’m such a nice person, you can get a better look here in this carefully-chosen detail from a 1459 fresco of attendants walking in a mounted procession:)

Also, you know how riders in medieval art always look like the artists are just drunk and out to lunch with foot and leg position?

NO REALLY THAT’S A REAL TECHNIQUE THEY DID ON PURPOSE. Armored foot protectors (”sabatons”) were genuinely jointed to let them do that super droopy toe thing! Even pointing down!

This is the same kind of betrayal I experienced when learning that there are approximately dozens of types of distinct regional and/or utility styles of saddle still being used and manufactured, today, all over the world. And that actually, my entire frame of knowledge around horses had been carefully molded through a highly specific cultural lens and there was a ton I didn’t know squat about.

When I was young and I’d read big books from the library with titles like Horses: The Absolutely Complete Book of All Human Knowledge About Equitation and they would earnestly assure me that there were exactly two types of saddles in the world: English, and Western. Perhaps three; the Australians were gauche enough to use... some hybrid of the two? And did the different types of English saddle count? Wait, are we counting sidesaddles? But in conclusion, there were exactly three types of saddle in the world. Anything else left must be a rustic relic from premodern times.

Which is... just its own miniature class in ethnocentrism and the limits of the British colonial lens. Part of it is because people get raised inside an echo chamber never learn of the existence of alternatives; part of it is that they learn to privilege some information more than others, so what’s considered a “real saddle” worth teaching children about is skewed; and part of it is because for centuries, Europeans in general and the English in particular have been extremely evangelical in telling the entire world that their way of approaching horsemanship (and everything else) is the Best, Rightest, Most Correct Way of Doing Things.

I’d been preparing to go all primary source on this topic, which would have delayed this post’s public appearance considerably, but today I actually found someone else who’d done it all for me. Over at The Works of Chivalry, Giovanni Battista Tomassini says:

[I]n spite of the crucial role that the horse has played in the history of civilization, historians have so far rather neglected the study of these kind of works and, more generally, have paid little, or no systematic attention, to the equestrian practices, the study of which has been mainly confined to the scope of enthusiasts and equestrian professionals.

That’s been changing a lot in the last decade or two, and I applaud him deeply for making his findings accessible to an international lay audience, in English and Italian. I have a few posts I found most interesting:

Horseback riding in the Middle Ages – Jordanus Rufus of Calabria: A look at extant sources on medieval horsemanship and some of their, uh.... less admirable aspects

“A la brida” and “a la gineta.”: Different styles of riding from the European Middle Ages and Renaissance, at least as different as modern “English” and “Western” schools

Anglomania & Anglomania Part 2: How English styles of equitation became popular throughout continental Europe during the 18th century

“Maneggi and Jumps”: Gently debunks the idea that many of the classical “airs above the ground” performed by the Lipizanners of the Spanish Riding School originated for medieval combat, since the earliest texts we see them in say, “These are rad as hell, but this is a SEPARATE SCHOOL OF HORSEMANSHIP, do not teach your warhorse these.”

That last one is especially funny because Hollywood always thinks that the epitome of a Historical Horse being Fearsome is them rearing up on their hindlegs! This is not actually what horses look like when they’re scary, but horses are not good actors, so that’s the closest thing we can train them to do. (It’s called “making a pesade”). And a 1562 manual on equitation actually says this:

Young horses learn pesades easily, and once they have learned them they make them willingly, as they think that once they have done them they do not have to do anything else. For this reason if they are [given the cue] they think they should not do anything else than stop and make a pesade. So they stop very often to rear against the will of the rider, and in a place where it is not required, and they do it even higher than what it is appropriate

HOLLYWOOD: ACCIDENTALLY RIGHT AFTER ALL 😂

[btsandvmin]

Ask: Reply - 2022.03.17

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve been focusing on the big analysis, so I haven’t really sat down to answer asks properly in a few months. I thought it was about time I did. 

And there’s been so many really nice Vmin moments lately too. :3 Aren’t we blessed? I managed to watch the last day properly, and it really was such a joy to see them all again after this break.

Anyways, today’s topics will be:

Ask 1 : Jimin OST!! Ask 2: Vmin getting Covid Ask 3: Vmin facetimed for 2 hours Ask 4: Raw take on shipping Ask 5: When is the big reveal(?) on your blog? Ask 6: Vmin as each other’s other half in songs Ask 7: Believers take out the fun of some fandom parts Ask 8: You analysis hurts me and takes away my joy Ask 9: I don’t understand your analysis at all Ask 10: Jimin about “bromance”

Let’s get to it!

Ask 1: Jimin OST!!

OMG YEEEES! I knoooow! T_T I can’t believe he is finally getting one! I am so curious to what it will be and what it will sound like, but people are thinking it might be emotional because of the plot of the drama (Our Blues)? I wonder if it will be solo or a collab?  (Also if he manages to add certain themes that haunt me every waking moment!) Either way I am so excited!! 

💜 Let’s all rejoice, support him and look forward to the song! 💜

Ask 2: Vmin getting Covid

You know, I hated it so much when I saw Ji/kookers wishing/hoping that JK would get Covid to “prove” their theories, and then how Tae/kookers basically did the same thing after Tae got it. I can’t believe they would rather see this as some kind of proof, instead of worrying for the members, especially since Jimin had surgery at the same time.

But yeah, them ignoring that Vmin both got it doesn’t surprise me. Not that I personally think that getting Covid close to each other has to mean anything (and we also know that all members had met recently before Tae was tested positive so literally anyone could have gotten it even if it was from Jimin), but it is rather hypocritical to say it means something if it happens to one pair but then just dimiss it if it’s another. But that’s just the way it is, another normal day in Shipping land.

Ask 3: Vmin facetimed for 2 hours

I really think we all know that any person who say any relationship in BTS is fanservice is just willfully ignorant. I don’t know how people can still say Vmin is fake considering all the things they have done, big and small, over the years... But clearly these people simply doesn’t want to see what is right there in front of them. They probably have some reason to want to believe it, but I have no idea what could possibly be so facinating about liking a group or a member that is faking most of their feelings. Oh well, back to the actual point!

VMIN FACETIMED FOR 2 HOURS AS SOON AS TAE WOKE UP AND THEY WORKED OUT TOGETHER OVER THE PHONE AND EVERYTHING! WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE! Vmin spending hours on the phone while doing nothing and everything together just to keep each other company is honestly so on brand for them. Let’s just enjoy it and let the negative anti Vmin crowd gloom over Vmin being such great actors or whatever it is they enjoy doing. :P

Ask 4: Raw take on shipping

Hi, and thank you. I am not entirely sure what you mean, like specifically, but I am glad you like the way I approach shipping and talk about it. And also that it could help you in some way to feel less confused. :3

Ask 5: When is the big reveal(?) on your blog?

First of all, thank you @iamthestorm79 for the lovely words. :) It’s always nice to hear from new readers, and I am glad you have liked what you have found so far.

As for your first question, about the “big reveal” I wonder if you might mean my big Vmin analysis? I wouldn’t exactly call it a reveal, because you know, all of the information is out there.... It’s nothing new, just my thoughts and theories collected in one big essay about Vmin. I’ve started to post it, and so far have two parts up on Tumblr  BTS&Vmin analysis pt. 1 - An introduction and BTS&Vmin analysis pt. 2 - About me and my views. On Patreon I have two more parts up, and I am currently fixing/writing on the 5th. How long it will take to get it all out here on Tumblr I don’t know... Because we are talking about more than 200 pages of text, and that’s without adding pictures. It’s also not all done, but I wanted to start posting it since it’s been so long since I began writing it. Anyways, I hope that answers your first question. :)

So let’s go to your second one.

Ask 6: Vmin as each other’s other half in songs

I mean, too convienient is not a phrase I would use. Because while I do agree that some things are planned, like the opposite images in Serendipity and Singularity for example, a lot of the things are too small to be... Well, there for fans to notice and be fabricated for a full on drama plot.

I think it’s a mix of intentional things and things that match because it’s coming from Vmin, if we speak about the song connections in general. Something like 4 o’clock being based on Vmin is naturally a result of Vmin’s bond, and not a hint for their bond so to speak.

But it’s kind of difficult for me to say yay or nay to this question because I think it depends on what we look at. In general some things do come from Big Hit, though I would say the smaller stuff are more likely from Vmin or simply coincidence in some cases. Either way I don’t think it’s too convienient because if it was meant to be something like a k-drama plot meant to engage fans then they completely failed as I have barely seen any ARMY talk about the connections, or even notice them to begin with.

That being said I also don’t think that Vmin are making connections for fans to find on purpose either, I think if the connections aren’t just coincidence they simply inspire each other and thus a lot of the connections would come rather naturally.

I hope my answer made sense. It makes sense in my head, but I wonder if it’s as clear to others what I mean. Sorry, and thank you again for your messages and questions.

Ask 7: Believers take out the fun of some fandom parts

Honestly I am so sad to see how much worse shippers (or believers) have started to behave in this fandom... Of course it’s nothing new, but even a few years ago it was a lot better and at least easier to escape. For me I decided to not engage with these people anymore, but if they come to you it’s of course difficult to let it go... 

No shipper should tell another shipper to not ship, because as I have said many times before, it’s all about preference, and it should be totally ok to like different things. Anyways, it’s up to each individual to try to be the bigger person when these things happen. Because sadly I don’t think it will get any better anytime soon. I really wish we could just all enjoy our own ships and love BTS and leave it at that... Sorry anon, I feel your frustration, but I really don’t have any better advice than trying to avoid and ignore it if possible.  💜

Ask 8: You analysis hurts me and takes away my joy

I am sorry anon, that you feel this way... But this is the way I want to talk about Vmin and I think believing can be harmful and hurt you if you get too involved. I don’t doubt Vmin’s love for each other at all, and I also have no doubt that they are soulmates and have a very special bond. But stating they have to be romantic is in my opinion not something we can do. But that is my opinion and you are of course free to think differently. 

That being said, I will continue to talk about Vmin in what if’s and speculations and not pretend like they have to be romantic and that is the only option, because that’s just not what I personally believe. I don’t want to make anyone feel bad, but I also don’t want to be a yes-sayer who speaks as if Vmin has to be in a romantic relationship simply because that’s what other Vminies want or believe in. I am trying to be careful and realistic because that’s just who I am. Sorry again anon, if my posts hurt you, maybe I am not the right blog for you. 💜

Ask 9: I don’t understand your analysis at all

I see the need to be responsible as a analysis writer, because I have seen the damage shipping can lead to after many years in many fandoms. And considering the amount of believers of different ships in this fandom someone will have to be wrong (if not all) and I rather be honest about that possibility, than convince someone through my theories that will then end up hurt if Vmin isn’t real.

If it makes others happy to believe in Vmin they can by all means choose to believe in them being real even if they read my analyses. I can’t stop anyone from doing that. But I do think it can be hurtful, and if one of Vmin end up dating someone else I don’t want someone who has read my blogs to feel like I have brainwashed them or something. All I am doing is trying to stay true to my own way of thinking while also not running with my theories as some absolute truth. Because they aren’t.

I am not forcing anyone to think the same way as I do, I just put out my own thoughts on this blog in a way that I feel that I can stand behind.

Ask 10: Jimin about “bromance”

I mean, personally, I also think they do fanservice and that Jimin is one that does it more than many of the others... That being said I don’t think I see fanservice the same way as most might. I don’t think fanservice = fake. I think there are different kinds of fanservice, and I think BTS stopped doing any type of fanservice that they don’t enjoy a long time ago.

I also think it’s a very big difference between saying Vmin IS fanservice, and Vmin DOES fanservice.

I think toxic fans saying whole relationships in BTS are fanservice are daft, because like you said it’s obvious that they all love and adore each other for real after all these years and after how much we have seen them and how they are together. But likewise I think someone who says BTS doesn’t do any fanservice at all is being a bit naive. If it’s an act of fun for the audience to enjoy it’s some type of fanservice in my opinion. Like this cute moment which was planned before hand for the fans:

There are just a lot of different kinds of fanservice in my opinion, and while you can say individual moments are “fake” or planned I don’t think that means it’s done to fool fans in any way or that it has to be seen in a negative way. Which is more the type of fanservice I interpret it as Jimin talking about, meaning the insincere and forced kind... So to me it’s more like he just stated he doesn’t like to fake things, or do things just to get a reaction, but he does things because he likes it and is comfortable with it as well.

It’s ok if you don’t agree with me on this though, I know fanservice is a rather hot topic. (I thought I had a post where I talk more in detail about different types of fanservice, but I couldn’t find it in the big mess that is my blog... Sorry. I do mention it a bit in HERE though if you are curious.)

Still, thank you for the ask, and YES!!! BTS seemed to miss ARMY a lot, and I can’t believe they sang Bulletproof The Eternal! And I also can’t believe Vmin will be getting married again for like the 100th time (actually I totally believe it) and I am very much looking forward to the coming Vegas concerts!

Seeing them all happy really brought so much happiness, especially after such a long break with less content. I’ve missed them more than I should admit.

Also soooo many cute Vmin moments! We are blessed and spoiled and I can’t believe we got 7 butt slaps, a very tender double hand holding and a new piggyback ride! 💜

Thank you all for reading, and I hope you got some joy out of it.

[earthh2jadee]

if you kissed me - Rodrick Heffley | 1.9k

Yeah yeah i know i haven't written since a million years ago. and yeah yeah i know this is my first real fanfiction i posted on tumblr. fair warning, i'm not the best writer, i honestly just do this for fun and i'm totally up to criticism because i do want to make my writing better. if this is literally inaccurate, im sorry its been like 5 years since i've read the books. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fluff-fest that I created in the span of a few hours.

paring: rodrick x reader genre: fluff. lots of fluff

Credits to the maker of the picture! 15 Days till the Contest | 9:42 PM, Saturday

Plick, plick, plick

My speakers were blasting so loud I almost didn’t hear the sound of pebbles hitting my window.

Plick, plick, plick

I rubbed my eyes and slammed my laptop shut, walking toward my bedroom window. Peering down, I saw a figure a few yards down from my second-story bedroom, looking back up at me. Dark brown, messy hair that stuck up around his face. A red and black flannel, black ripped jeans, and, (of course) a tee-shirt with “Loded Diper” clumsily written on it. A grin spread on his face as he saw my face come into his view, causing me to blush. Rodrick Heffley, Crossland High bad boy, and my boyfriend.

I unlocked the latch to my window and stuck my head out, taking in the cool air and letting the neighbors enjoy the music I was playing (they never did). I looked down.

“Y/N!” He whisper-yelled

“Evening, Heffley.”

“I need to tell you something!”

“What’s so important that you have to scratch my window instead of using the power of modern technology to call me?”

His mouth opened to give me a response, but nothing came out. I smirked, “Come on up.”

I opened the window wider as he climbed the trellis that lined the back of my house. I backed up to my door and locked it. Precautions, my parents liked Rodrick but they definitely wouldn’t approve of him in my room at night. I looked back and I saw him, every feature of him illuminated by the light of my room. His cheeky smile and chocolate brown eyes. He slowly closed the window and walked toward me, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I still got butterflies whenever he touched me.

“Hey, Spiderman. What did ya climb in here to tell me?” I asked

“I got Loded Diper into a contest.”

My eyes widened, Loded Diper, my boyfriend’s rock band, wasn’t exactly known for being the best. It was mostly known for his mom’s insane dance moves during the Plainview Talent Show. But of course, i'll never say that in front of his face.

“You did?! That’s awesome Rodrick!”

“Yeah! It's a battle of the bands contest, we’re going against two other bands. I really think this is gonna be our big break!” His eyes sparkled in excitement.

His happiness was contagious, he was like a goddamn puppy. I pulled him into my arms. “I’m proud of you Rod.” I muttered and smiled into his collarbone. I felt him inhale the scent of my hair and twirl my locks around his fingers.

“Hey,” he said, breaking the hug. “I’m having practice tomorrow with the band, you wanna come?”

“Sure. I go to every practice anyway, why miss out on this one?” I shrugged.

He chuckled and looked at me. Really looked at me. That’s one of the reasons why I fell for him. It never seemed like it, but he paid attention. We’ve only been dating for 4 months, but he knew me like no one else did, and I knew that in the way he looked at me. I felt his hand cup my face, his thumb rubbing my cheek in small circles. I looked up at him, noticing how tall he was, how close he was. Was I the one who leaned in? Was he the one who leaned in? Did we just do it subconsciously? Did he want this? Was he ready? Was I ready?

The ringing of Rodrick’s phone filled the room. The daze we were trapped in was gone and we separated, our faces red. Rodrick picked up the phone, it was his mom.

“Yeah, mom? Mom...I’m in the middle of something. I’ll do laundry later, ok? Now? C’mon… Alright, fine. Bye.” He hung up. “Sorry, I gotta blast.”

“It’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked him as he started toward my window.

He looked back at me and planted a kiss on my forehead, the farthest we’ve ever gone with physical touch as a couple.

“Tomorrow”

~~✰✰✰~~

14 Days till the Contest | 1:22 PM, Saturday afternoon

“Should we take it from the top?”

Practice wasn’t going so well. I could feel the nervousness, the tension. Drums were slightly off beat, the guitarist’s fingers would fly to the wrong places on the fretboard, lyrics would go all over the place. The contest was two weeks away, and Loded Diper was already feeling the anxiousness. I sat on the floor of the garage, on top of a picnic blanket I found. To Rodrick’s dismay, his mom forced him to let Greg watch band practice, as a form of “brother-to-brother bonding time.” Greg sat next to me, mockingly covering his ears.

“Oh thank god, it's done.” Greg said with an immense amount of sarcasm and uncovering his ears.

Rodrick threw a crumpled-up piece of paper at his head, “Shut up.”

“Both of you, be nice.” I laughed. “I think you guys should take a break for a while, maybe shake off the nerves.”

“Good idea Y/N, 20 minute break everyone!” The lead singer said. Everyone spread out, grabbing a piece of pizza ordered earlier and laying down. Greg ran out of the garage, yelling, “I’m free!”

Rodrick stood up and began gulping down a bottle of water. He wore a black tanktop and black ripped jeans, sweat dripping down his forehead. I ran up behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso. He turned and faced me, running his hands through my hair, lost in thought.

“You ok, Rod?” I asked him.

He sighed, “nerves”

I leaned my head on his chest, “You’re gonna do great, you’ve done so many gigs in the past. Think of this as one of those!”

He smiled at me, “You know what would make me feel a lot less nervous?”

“Oh god. What?”

A really common thing Rodrick did was try to bargain a kiss on the lips from me. It's been an ongoing joke, a meaningless bit he did all the time. I’ll do my homework if you kissed me on the lips. I’ll smile in the picture if you kissed me on the lips. It still hasn’t worked.

“I might be less nervous if you kissed me on the lips.” He whispered to me.

I rolled my eyes, “If that’s what it takes then I think you’ll lose the competition.”

He let go of me and laughed, my favorite laugh. “Worth a try.” He shrugged, going off to join his bandmates and the pizza. But as I watched him smile and laugh with his friends, I lost myself. I thought about the previous night. The way we fit into each other, the closeness, the fact that was so close that I could see my reflection in his eyes.

Maybe I should just say yes.

~~✰✰✰~~

The Day of the Contest

For the past 2 weeks, Rodrick has given me the “kiss-bargain” joke 9 times. Every time, I deflected it with sarcastic remarks, and every time I regretted not agreeing.

I sat on the front steps of my porch, waiting for Rodrick to pick me up. I regretted the jean shorts and plain black tee-shirt I had on, as a cold breeze brushed my skin. I pulled my black leather jacket on, which I painted “Loded Diper” on the back in white paint. Then, I heard it. The echo of heavy metal turned to full blast, and… the faint sound of something big getting knocked over. Oh god, they’re here. The white van with “Loded Diper” written in huge words screeched to a halt in front of my house.

The window rolled down, revealing my boyfriend and his excited grin. “Get in.”

~~✰✰✰~~

30 minutes till Loded Diper preforms

It felt surreal to be backstage, and really exciting. Energy was flowing through the room, as all the other bands talked and played. The rest of the band members seemed excited, full of adrenaline. Except for Rodrick, he’s been nervous ever since soundcheck. His leg was bouncing,he twirled his drumsticks around, drumming them on random objects, and his eyes stared into nothing.

“Rodrick, you want me to do your eyeliner?”

“Huh?” He didn’t take his eyes away from the ground, his voice seemed far away.

I lifted a liquid eyeliner pen I had in my pocket, “Eyeliner. I just did mine, we can match!”

He lifted his head and noticed me. I had my eyeliner smudged, just like he always does during a gig. He grinned, “Yeah. Yeah sure.”

I’ve done his eyeliner many times in the past, and I loved doing it because I had to be as close to him as possible. So I hopped onto his lap, pressing myself close to him, trying to comfort him with my warmth.

“Close your eyes.” I ordered.

As I applied his eyeliner, I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. It was heavy, and fast. I’m pretty sure I would still hear it if I wasn’t as close to him as I was, even though the loud music blasting through the theatre.

“Done”

He opened his eyes, and butterflies flooded my stomach. We were close. Very close. Should I do it? Should I lean in?

Rodrick probably sensed my flustered-ness. He smirked, “Cat got your tongue?”

I rolled my eyes, blushing hard. “Shut up.” I said, playfully punching him.

~~✰✰✰~~

“5 Minutes until Loded Diper performs!” A man exclaimed to us.

Rodrick was as nervous as ever. We’ve been standing on the left wing of the stage, watching the other bands play. It felt like a bunch of Loded Diper copy-pastes. A bunch of high schoolers, weird names, very aggressive playing. But they were still pretty good. Rodrick was biting the nails of one of his hands and tapping his other hand on the wall behind him. I looked up at him and held his hand, stopping it from fidgeting. He smiled nervously.

Now or never Y/N…

“Hey, you said that if I kiss you, you won’t be as nervous. Right?”

He looked at me, wide eyed. He seemed to be trying to compute what I said.

I stood on tiptoe and put his face in my hands. It was that night all over again. Every detail of his face, of him was in full view. His eyes, his eyeliner, his scent, his lips. I leaned in.

His lips were soft against mine, but they were tense, flustered. I was terrified, It was the wrong place, the wrong time. Until I felt one hand in my hair, another on my waist, pulling me closer.

How long was the kiss? A few seconds? It felt like minutes, hours. Sparked ignited. Butterflies flew in my stomach. His scent was the only thing I smelled, his warmth was the only thing I felt. The music faded away. Everything faded away. It was just him and I. Until we broke apart, taking in deep breaths of each other. We wanted more, but Loded Diper was playing in a few seconds.

“Hey, Rodrick.”

“Yeah?”

“If you win I’ll kiss you again”

We both knew I would kiss him regardless.

I didn't edit this because editing is for wimps (just kidding be responsible and edit your work)

please like and reblog because it gives me serotonin and i need that

[bengiyo]

You know, I normally see posts like this reblogged and I just try to move on, or block and move on. I find this rude, vague posting behavior so unhelpful. However, whether intended or not (I spoke with Archer and he says he hasn’t seen any of my posts in months), I felt like this post was talking about me. Since the post uses you pronouns, I’m also kinda pissed off. I will say what I need to say. I’m going to use this opportunity to talk about how vague posting feels in a small fandom like BL land. 

This post will turn ugly, so let me make my proposition to the rest of the readers of my dashboard before I continue:

If you see someone posting broadly about the discourse like this, and taking obvious swipes at unnamed people, don’t reblog those posts. You’re spreading mean-spirited commentary across the dashboard and ensuring that the intended recipient gets the message.

So, this post came across my dashboard because I follow so many people. I’m familiar with Archer’s style of writing, and recognized the obvious shots fired at the current discussions about The Trainee’s Ba-Mhee plotline. Seeing that Archer has also been posting regularly about We Are, a clear allusion blossoms. Since I was the only person on Tumblr to say that We Are sucked for the vast majority of its runtime, and kept getting vagued about this post for three months, this feels like it’s about me, whether or not that’s true. Also, while verifying that this was probably about the Ba-Mhee plotline, I saw that Archer thinks that Ba-Mhee owning that she does probably like women as well now, that neither Tae nor Judy fit her perfectly, and then choosing to reconcile with the boyfriend she’s been with for years is compulsory heterosexuality, I figured his comments about that apply to me since I am on the side that Ba-Mhee is still bisexual when she chooses to be with a man. 

The problem is that the Venn Diagram of people who called We Are boring and who weren’t repulsed by the storyline unfolding in The Trainee is probably just me, and maybe two other people on this corner of the internet. I have no way to know for sure that he’s talking about me, but am still left feeling like I’ve been attacked. This is what makes vague posting so insidious, whether the OP ever admits who they were talking about, it is hurtful to the people who see it and wonder if it’s about them. This frustrates me because I’ve followed Archer in BL land for years, and I worried when he disappeared from the internet for a while. I was hurt when I felt like he was taking such an ugly swipe at me. 

I don’t like this behavior on the dashboard, because I’ve now spent over an hour or more thinking about this post and how rude it sounds to me. I am also irritated because I don’t like this kind of shade. We can have an extended conversation about the value of how we present queerness in media, but that’s clearly not what we’re going to do here. 

Now, I will respond directly to Archer with you pronouns and let you see how I felt like responding to something as rude as this. Let me open with a quote from one of my favorite gay characters.

“Everyone is a monster to someone. Since you are so convinced that I am yours. I will be it.”

Nah, my dude, you wanna beef with me on the dashboard, I’ll give you the drama you so desperately want. You are a rude asshole, and I am done with your snide posts. Let this be a warning to the rest of you who like to reblog shady posts like this that I will also start blocking you.  Young man, you are not the only gay man posting about dramas, so please cut the gayer than thou shit. The gays who raised me would have called you insufferable, read you for filth, and laughed your ass out of the bar.  I am trying to understand why, if We Are is such a kind, gentle slice-of-life show that’s done so many amazing things that have never been done before, its own fans continue to be jerks like this. I do not get why GMMTV shows make people so fucking weird on this website.  You and I are done. I will spare you the stress and irritation of seeing me on this website anymore. 

To everyone else, I am begging you. Please stop vague posting, and stop spreading them. We see them, we know who they are talking about, and they’re shitty. Let this be the last ugly post you see for a while.

you see, i find enjoyment in seeing queer people fall in love on screen in many forms. cishet couples, on the other hand, need to do cartwheels and actually fucking reinvent the wheel so it now allows for flight, if they want me to think their presence on screen is not a waste of my time. and some of you are the exact opposite. some of you will call a never-been-done-before, perfectly cozy, deeply comforting slice of life series void and boring, but also make posts about how cute the blandest fucking boy meets girl in the whole entire world that has been done at least a million times since the conception of fiction is. and i think that's kind of pissing me off, actually.

[chuckbass-love]

Johnny smut#4

Hello lovely anon. Thank you so much for this request, again, i’m sorry for the long wait but i didn’t want to write this when i didn’t have much motivation and then have it turn out any less than perfect. I hope it’s worth the wait for you and that you enjoy it.

Also a lil A/N for everyone: To everyone who has requested, i’m gonna get back on it and try and get at least 2 or 3 out per week if possible. I lost motivation for a hot minute but i’m back. I love you all so much. Also, part 7 to only love can hurt like this will be up sometime in the next week or so. I’m still working on it but i already can’t wait for you all to read.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Johnny Storm x Fem!Reader

Prompt #4: “You’d better be quiet if you don’t want to get caught”

Warning: Smut, explicit content, sexual intercourse, hair pulling, choking, mouth covering and swearing. 18+

Word Count: 5,160

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @mcustarks go check them out❤️

Best Friends Brother

As your eyes glance around the beautiful garden filled with white chairs either side of the aisle with flower arrangements all the way to the alter. You can’t help but feel utterly enchanted by the scene, it’s stunning. However, you’re in the wrong place right now, Sue specifically asked you to meet her out back to help her get ready but as soon as you turnaround to head there, you bump into Johnny of all people.

To put it simply, Johnny isn’t exactly your favourite person and you’re not his either. Well, that’s a lie. When around others you don’t get along, you don’t hate each other you just don’t really have much to say since he’s always so cocky and you’re his older sisters best friend. But behind closed doors, the sexual chemistry is off the charts and you’ve spent too many nights tangled up in his sheets to count on two hands.

No one knows about your late night rendezvous though, especially Sue. And she can never find out. It would hurt her. You’re her best friend and Johnny is her little brother. So it’s a secret and it will always remain one.

“Wow” his lips curl up into a genuine smile as his eyes take in your figure in the floor length  dark purple bridesmaid dress you have on “you look, great” he says as he tugs on his bottom lip with his teeth, clearly unable to stop those dirty thoughts running wild in his head.

“Just great?” you ask, brow raising slightly before you chuckle and move to walk past him but he grabs your arm just in time to stop you from going anywhere “not just great, but gorgeous. In fact if this wasn’t my sisters wedding then i’d say you were the best looking one here” he turns his head in your direction, his dreamy blue eyes meeting yours, both filled with lust and need. But you can’t do this here. Today is Sue and Reed’s day.

“Johnny” you whisper lazily, the feel of his skin on yours makes you shiver with desire for him to fill you up, kiss you and make you cum around his cock multiple times but that will have to wait. You really need to snap out of this. So you do, you blink and look back up at him before slowly pulling away from “Sue needs me now, i have to go” and just like that he’s behind you, watching as you walk away. Mostly just to watch the way your ass moves in that dress. You can’t say you blame him though, your ass does look good.

The second you step foot indoors you hear Sue moaning about anything and everything to who sounds like Alicia.

“Your saviour is here” you announce and Sue turns around, beaming at you and you can’t help but stare at her. She looks absolutely breathtaking and her dress is the most beautiful you’ve ever seen. She looks just like a princess.  Alicia then leaves to go and check on Ben, leaving you two to it.

“Sue, you look amazing” tears brim in your eyes, drowning out your vision, she spots it immediately, rushing to hand you a tissue “don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. You’ll ruin your makeup”

You take it from her, dabbing underneath your eyes before taking the eyeliner from her to re do what couldn’t be saved in time “i can’t believe you’re finally getting your big day” you finish zipping up her dress before helping her out with her veil.

“Well i’ve waited long enough” she laughs as you finish up and you turn her round so she can look at herself in the mirror.

“Now, i just need to finish my make-up. Help a girl out?”

You don’t even bother to respond, instead you start helping, picking up her bag of products. Her foundation is done so it’s just her eye makeup and lipstick that’s left to do. You go with a nice subtle smokey eye with a little silver glitter on top. Then to finish it off you apply some nude lip gloss to her lips before leaving her to do her own mascara, you would hate to mess it up after all.

“Oh i forgot to check with you, is Johnny outside?”

Even the mention of his name has an obvious effect on your body and it’s something you’ve never been able to control but instead of letting it show, you put your poker face on, clearing your throat and mumbling a quick “yes” and thank god she doesn’t catch on or say anything. You must have hid it well.

“Right, ladies the guests are arriving now and Reed is helping them all to their seats so are you ready?” Johnny pokes his head into the room and Sue nods, letting out a deep breath.

He glances at you before Sue walks over to him to make their way to the other room in which she’s going to be leaving out of to walk down the aisle, leaving you standing there sighing.

Guess it’s time for you to take your own place too. You follow closely behind them and then you and Alicia wait for your queue to go, she goes first, then you. Flowers in hand, smiling around at all of the guests, every one of them dressed up in bright colours, wedding hats galore. And as you take your place next to Alicia at the side of the alter, you watch your best friend walk down the aisle with pride. She means the world to you and if there’s one person who’s the most deserving of happiness, it’s her.

Reed wipes away tears as she stands next to him and you feel your heart melting, more tears forming. Johnny watches you from across the way, wiping your own tears of joy before his focus shifts to the vows.

Sometimes he gets urges to ask you out on a date but as quickly as those urges form, they fade. There’s not a chance in hell of you saying yes to him and he knows it. He’s just a hookup and he’s no stranger to half platonic relationships. He’s never particularly been one for commitment anyway but something about you changes his mind. Since you’ve been Sue’s best friend for god knows how long now, he’s watched many guys come and go in and out of your life. He’s watched and even listened to the many times Sue has held you whilst you cried and to tell the truth, he’s never been able to fathom why anyone would ever want to hurt you. Why anyone would ever cheat or leave you. He always had the biggest crush on you and it’s never left. 

Hence why one day he made a move, giving you his best cheesy pick up line at a party Sue threw one weekend. But you ignored him, it was only 2 hours into the party and you weren’t drunk enough to be taking him seriously. However, multiple drinks and shots later, he tried his luck again, and he hit the jackpot. You took him up on his offer. Whilst Sue was in the other room trying to clean up after her guests, you were in Johnny’s room, stripping off in-between heated open mouthed kisses.

It’s pretty obvious where that lead and the next day, you were so mad at yourself for letting it get that far. You cursed alcohol and your stupid brain as you quickly re dressed, repulsed at yourself and your actions. That’s when Johnny shot up, trying his best to make you stay, shutting the door as you tried to open it and standing in the way. You made eye contact with the player and he kissed you. You can’t recall anything else other than feeling captivated by him. His lips moved in sync with yours like they were always made to touch and you couldn’t control the way your body yearned for more.

And the rest is history. Since then you’ve been late night texting and meeting up whenever you could to hook up. Johnny eventually got his own apartment too which only lead to more often than not, the pair of you fucking like rabbits.

It hasn’t just been hookups though, as much as you’d love to lie and pretend that it doesn’t mean a thing, it does. You like Johnny, of course you do. He’s actually the only guy that’s ever been able to make you cum. The only guy who isn’t completely selfish in bed. He makes it all about you, every dam time and you feel torn when it comes to him. A huge part of you knows the two of you feel something deeper and more than just sex. You feel something more intimate. It’s definitely not love but it could be, one day.

Before you know it, you’re ripped from your Johnny themed thoughts as everyone starts cheering and clapping. You join in, watching Reed kiss Sue passionately before the two of them walk back up the aisle. You, Alicia, Johnny and Ben all follow behind with the guests joining in.

The reception is just inside and as soon as you all enter, the music begins. The real old school music. You’re The One That I Want from Grease. The DJ really has a way of luring everyone onto the dance floor right away. Usually at weddings, everyone sits down drinking and chilling before the buffet food comes out but not this wedding.

Sue grabs your hand and the two of you re enact the classic Sandy and Danny scene, overly dramatic though of course and unbeknownst to you, Johnny is watching your every move, unable to stop himself grinning like a cheshire cat. It’s very clear you’re having the time of your life and all he wants is to be able to dance with you.

Once the song is over, you walk around the room to look for the table that you’re going to be sitting at until you hear “over here” and you know that voice anywhere. You turn around to find Johnny sat down, a large glass of wine next to his beer. He ordered for you? Why?

“You’re next to me, hope that’s okay” he stands up, helping you into your chair and tucking it in for you before taking his seat again and sliding the glass of wine to you.

“White wine is still your favourite, right?” nerves fill his voice as he keeps his eyes locked on you “yes, it is. You remembered. Thank you” you waste no time in taking a big gulp of it, you can practically feel yourself getting aroused just by sitting next to the man and to think you’re going to have to deal with it the whole day is torture.

You press your thighs together, trying your hardest to stop whatever is happening in its tracks.

“You not going to dance some more?” he asks, sitting back in his chair, one arm draped round the back of yours “maybe in a minute, i’m still recovering from the first one” you giggle nervously, scared of being seen with him. Sure, you were put with him by Sue herself but what if your farce comes apart now, after all, he is being nice to you and the resting bitch face is missing instead a happy expression has taken its place.

Maybe no one will notice since it’s Sue’s big day, that could be the excuse you use if anyone says anything but then again, why should you care to make excuses? If you enjoy his company that shouldn’t be an issue. Maybe Sue won’t care. She’s always wanted Johnny to settle down with someone nice and you’re nice, right? She’s also wanted you to find someone too. But her best friend and brother getting together probably isn’t what she had in mind.

The song Crazy In Love by Beyonce comes on and Sue practically summons you to the dance floor, so you down the rest of your wine before you rush over to join her. Skipping the regular moves, you and Sue both start dancing like it’s just the two of you. No move off limits as you both grind your hips in circles, shaking your asses and laughing your heads off. She is the only person in this world that can make you laugh like that and you feel incredibly lucky to have her and to be here for her big day.

As your moves get more risqué you catch Johnny adjusting his cock in his dress trousers before drinking more of his beer.

The tension is building within you and you’ve never had to fight temptation so much in the whole year that you two have been doing this. You’re usually very good at waiting and making him wait for it but right now, it’s too hard. The next song that comes on is Check On It by Beyonce, again.

The more of the song that you dance to, you notice the lyrics surprisingly match your situation and a wave of confidence drenches you like rain.

If you got it flaunt it, boy I know you want it While I turn around you watch me check up on it Oh you watchin me shake it, I see it in ya face Ya can't take it, it's blazin’, you watch me in amazement

You continue to show off your best assets, making sure you tease and wind him up more before you make any kind of move which is what you usually do. Any time the two of you fool around, you make him wait and earn it, but it’s one of many reasons why he loves hooking up with you, you’re not easy, you know your worth and you’re 100% worth the wait.

The song finishes leaving yourself and Sue breathless almost. Reed stalks closer, handing his bride a drink and you head over to the bar to get another for yourself before sitting back down again. The buffet will be available soon and you’re desperate for something to eat. Peckish isn’t the word.

“Hello again” Johnny beams and you sip some more wine, a rather big sip yet again before you respond “hello. Are you gonna sit here the whole night?” you question with genuine curiosity, he only really danced a little when the Grease song was on but that’s about it and you aren’t oblivious to the other women checking him out.

“No i intend to dance i just need to be drunk enough for it first”

“I see, maybe then one of those lovely ladies will get a chance to dance with you” you say, observing one in particular who has been staring non stop.

“Please, i’d rather dance with you”

Your heart skips a beat and dare you say it, your vagina develops one. He’s such a sweet talker.

“You looked good out there, y’know” he motions towards the dance floor as if you didn’t already clock on to what he meant and you can’t deny the way your cheeks start to heat up as you thank him shyly.

That’s when he leans closer to your ear, his arm round the back of your chair again as he rasps “and that ass of yours in this dress, baby you got me so hard” his breath fans your neck as he returns to his normal sitting position but he doesn’t miss the way your breath hitches at the dirty comment. He knows all too well the effect he has on you and you know the effect you have on him.

In the past all it’s taken for him is for you to bite your lip and stare him down for him to get hard before. You’re his weakness.

Before you can even go to respond to him though, he clears his throat, tapping away on his phone as he stands up “anyway, if you’ll excuse me, nature calls” he slips his phone back into his pocket, walking away towards the toilets which just so happens to be right behind the DJ.

Your phone buzzes and you check to see a message from him ‘You coming?’ the text reads.

And that alone is enough for you to choke on your own saliva. You quickly sip your drink before standing up yourself and making your way over to the mens toilets. Thank God no one saw you.

“Johnny” you whisper yell until one of the cubicle doors opens, the bigger one at the end. He winks at you as he appears in the doorway and you strut over to him, allowing him to pull you in and lock the door. Your body is flush against his as he starts to kiss your collarbone first. If Johnny is anything it’s a man who loves to savour the moment. He hates quickies and loves to take his time with you.

You’re obviously not the first woman to fall victim to his touch but you’re the only one right now and you’re glad that he’s had experience, it’s clearly made him all the more sensational  in the bedroom.

“Oh” you throw your head back on a quiet moan, hoping not to be too loud despite music blasting outside making it impossible for anyone to hear you.

“Every time you dance, you drive me crazy. Shaking that perfect ass of yours in this dress, making me want you so bad” his lips hover over your sweet spot, his breath fanning it just like it did before.

You wrap your arms loosely round his neck as your back arches and his lips attack your neck like a man possessed, everything about this moment should feel wrong and yet it feels so right. The thought crosses your mind that everyone is out there dancing and most likely eating now all while Johnny is playing with your dress, lifting it up to reveal the new panties that you brought for today. Purple lace to match your dress.

“Oh baby” he groans, tugging on his bottom lip at the sight as his fingers wonder down and slip inside. His cold palm cups your sex making you shiver in surprise before he makes you forget all about it by spinning you around so that you’re pressed against the wall. Caged in by his muscular body as he towers over you.

He presses a chaste kiss to the back of your neck and heat starts to rise to your cheeks, you can’t contain the flustered feeling that fills you. He’s always had a way of being so dominant and stealing all control from you in an instant, since you’re so used to the roles being reversed in your life, he was more than into changing that. And to tell the truth, it’s one of the many reasons that you keep coming back. He pushes you out of your comfort zone in more ways than one.

His fingers play with the flimsy material of your new panties, grazing over your clit multiple times until you’re poking your ass out into his hand. “Someones keen, huh?” his low, raspy and taunting chuckle fills your ear sending shivers up and down your spine and causing goosebumps to form all over your hungry body.

“Please, Johnny” you beg pathetically, once again pushing back against his hand in hopes that he’ll get a move on and touch your properly. Which of course he does. You know he can never resist your charm. All the more reason why he’s slipping your panties to the side now so that his fingers can circle your arousal covered hole, almost dipping into your honey pot but holding back.

“Beg for it” he growls, taking your right earlobe between his teeth and biting down lightly “beg like the good girl i know you are” he continues and you gasp before breathing out a quick plea “p-please touch me Johnny, i need it” as your hands find purchase on the wall.

The feel of his knee spreading your legs apart gets you all the more excited for what’s the come and that’s when he gives you all that you’ve been craving, slipping two thick digits inside of you, coating them in your juices as they hit that spongy spot. He’s never had much trouble when it comes to finding your weak spots, he knows your body inside and out at this point and there’s not a time where you don’t cum when you’re with him.

“That good baby? My fingers getting that little cunt ready for my cock”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head in reaction to the pure filth leaving his not so innocent mouth and just as you go to let out a near enough pornographic style moan, throwing your head back too, the restroom door opens making you stop yourself. Footsteps make their way to one of the cubicles that just so happens to be next to the one your in.

Johnny then takes it upon himself to pull his drenched fingers out of you, reaching his hand in front of your face and shoving them into your mouth for you to suck on, using his free hand to undo his belt and now you know that you’re done for. You know exactly what he’s about to do. His cock rests at your entrance, staying there for a second before he slides in. Your walls welcome him in the best way, wrapping around his cock as he splits you open, stretching you beautifully yet again just like he does every time. The all too familiar feeling consumes you.

“You’d better be quiet if you don’t want to get caught” he mutters in hushed tones, switching it up so that his hand is fully covering your mouth, suffocating you as he drags his cock along your warm velvety walls deliciously. Obviously you don’t want to get caught but right now the anticipation of what could happen is enough to make you clamp down around him, earning a hiss.

A noise that obviously catches the attention of whomever is next door to your cubicle since the unsuspecting gentleman speaks up “are you okay in there, man?” shit. It’s Ben. You feel a wave of shame wash over you as Johnny picks his pace up slowly “yeah, everything's fine” he chirps, as if he has all the time in the world to converse when he’s buried balls deep inside of you.

“If you say so” Ben responds before flushing, washing his hands and then leaving the room. Now it’s just the two of you again. Johnny takes full advantage of the alone time by pushing you right up against the wall, your cheek squished against the tiles, his calloused hands splaying across your ass cheeks now and spreading them apart. Only so he can take a good look at the way he disappears into your tight chanel with ease.

“Doing so well baby, taking this cock like a fucking pro” he grunts, wrapping his hand around your neck and pulling your head back with the help of his other hand grabbing a fistful of your hair at the scalp but keeping your whole body pressed into the wall.

Sinful moans escape your mouth and at this point you’re way past the point of caring or trying to be quiet. Unless someone walks in then you’re going to let go and revel in the feel of him. The way his body traps you in makes your clit pulsate, you love being manhandled and you always have but only by him.

Anyone that takes even so much as a look at Johnny, they think ‘player’ and they’d be right but they’d also think he’d never be the type of man to be as filthy as he is in reality. Not only has he got a foul mouth on him but he’s kinky not to mention skilful in more areas than one. Dick and tongue game on point as well as those magical digits of his and the way they dance across your sex both delicately and brutally all at the same time.

You’re certainly not complaining though. 

“Fuck, Johnny” your back arches even more so than it was before as you shakily cry out his name with the kind of want that only he can spur on “what is it baby?”

“Don’t stop, i’m so close” you whimper desperately.

His pace is now rendering on animalistic as he fucks you into the wall with such vigor, wanting nothing more than to feel you come undone all over his cock, something he’ll never grow tired of.

“Come on then baby, give it to me” he eggs you on, keeping one hand wrapped around your neck still, tightening as the seconds tick by whilst his other hand smacks down on your exposed ass cheek, making it wobble a little which earns him a satisfied hum.

The two of you go crazy with you pushing back to meet his thrusts and him spanking your ass, both of you hungry for that release.

All of a sudden though the blaring music coming from outside stops. Making you panic. Johnny on the other hand is so close to reaching his peak and he knows you are too, so he doesn’t bother to stop.

But you hear the faint laughs of the wedding guests before what sounds like the DJ addressing everyone. Fuck. This better not be the speeches. You had one planned and so did Johnny.

He continues to fuck into you, grunting, growling and panting in your ear, driving you closer and closer to that edge. You can feel the coil twisting and turning in your stomach, on the verge of snapping at any second and you don’t think you’ll be able to hold back the noises when it happens.

“Gonna make you cream all over this cock baby and best believe i’ll be filling this sweet cunt up with my cum”

You rest your hand over his around your neck as your whole body starts to shake. You clench around his cock some more and just as you can taste the orgasm, the addition of his fingers pressing down on your clit push you off the edge and your head drops back onto his shoulder. The music starts up again, allowing you to really enjoy this. Your mouth hangs open whilst you scrunch your eyes closed, seeing stars as you fall into a pit of ecstasy. You can feel your legs shaking and threatening to give way but luckily for you Johnny moves his hands to your waist, wrapping around you so he can hold you up whilst he comes close to reaching his own end.

“Fuckkkkk, squeezing me so good baby”

You do it again for good measure and sure enough, he twitches inside of you, his hot cum painting your walls just like he said and a fucked out spent smile forms on your face making him laugh when he sees.

He rides the two of you through your highs before his thrusts come to a halt and he slowly pulls out. He then grabs some tissues, dropping to his knees and pressing yet another chaste kiss to your clit this time before cleaning you up. He can see that you’re struggling to stand so the second he’s done he rises to his feet, pulling you flush against him and then proceeding to push you up against the wall.

The two of you stare deep into each others eyes for a couple seconds, both of your chests rising and falling as you try to normalise your breathing. That was certainly an adventurous, dangerous and thrilling experience, one that you won’t be rushing to partake in again anytime soon. But it was amazing to say the least. The way he’s looking at you right now makes you want to throw caution to the wind and kiss him. So you do. You crash your lips to his, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck and as expected, he kisses back. His grip tightens on your hips, pulling you even closer if that’s even possible.

“What was that for?” he asks as you come up for air and you shrug, not even sure of what it was yourself. But all you know is you like him and this isn’t just some fling to you, some form of messing around until the two of you get bored. There is a genuine connection there, one that you can’t wait to explore some more.

“I don’t even know” you giggle, pecking his lips again.

Silence falls upon the two of you before he finally blurts out “go out with me” as if he’s telling you rather than asking.

“What?” you furrow your brows in confusion.

“Go out with me, on a date”

“I thought Johnny Storm didn’t do dates” you quip back, raising your brows with a smirk to match “i don’t but i’d like to try if it’s with you” and that alone warms your heart. The same heart that’s been crushed and broken so many times before and it’s almost like he’s mending it. Not that you’re complaining.

You take no longer than a second to think before you’re agreeing and kissing him some more. That’s when the music stops and you both look at each other.

He quickly zips up his pants, doing his belt up again and shrugging his jacket back on before turning back to you. With you both now looking decent again, you get him to check your makeup, he wipes the stray bits of mascara that smudged before kissing your forehead.

He lets you leave first whilst he waits an appropriate 2 minutes before he heads out too. No one suspected a thing and now it’s time for the speeches.

This is definitely going to be a wedding to remember...

---------------------

Me and all my hoe personalities after writing this one: 

General Tags: @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @dummiesshort @cevans-fics @americasass91 @toni9 @aaliferous @bradfordmyworld @thereisa8ella @kaminorogers @yassspose @randomsevans 

Just Chris & His Characters Tags: @onetwo3000 @persephonequeenofthedead @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @rynabarnesrogers @princess-evans-addict @stxvercgersslut @chris-evanslover @bval-1 @thejemersoninferno @denisemarieangelina @janeyboo @evansphnx12 @whxre4cevans

LMK if you wanna be added to my tag list...

[withcolebrock]

Medieval Tavern Music

Corpse Husband x fem!reader

Summary: Y/N is sad and Corpse cheers her up

Warnings: sad stuff but mostly fluffy 

Word Count: 1,261

Author’s Note: it is most definitely way to late for me to post this but oh well, also this idea has been stuck in my head since I saw someone on Tumblr post that clip of him talking about it and I love it teheh.. also this was very rushed, so I'm sorry if its not my best I tried lol.. I hope you guys enjoy it!

~~

She normally never gets upset, or shows her emotions. She was really good at hiding her feelings, but today something took over her. Tonight, her stream she was really excited about kept glitching and her chat kept blaming her for it. Except her Internet these past couple of days hasn’t been working correctly and it was completely breaking her. She had to stop a few times to compost herself, muting herself she would take long deep breaths but nothing was working.

It wasn’t just the stream acting up that had been bothering her, she had been having a stressful last couple weeks in general.

She was only playing for an hour, much shorter than she normally would be playing, “I’m going to head out guys,” she said, her voice was shaking as she spoke. Glancing towards her chat, most of the comments were annoyed with her for cutting it short. Everything was completely overwhelming her.

“What? No,” Rae whined, shutting her conversation short with Lud. Everyone else in the lobby quickly begged Y/N to stay. She knew they were only trying to help but her emotions were ready to tip over.

“I-uh, my Internet is acting up again, nothings really working well, but next time guys,” she explained, trying to hide the cracks in her voice. The group wished her the best, as Y/N said a quick goodbye to her chat. “I’m sorry that this was so short guys, I just-tonight wasn’t the best to stream I guess, see you next time,” she said into her mic before ending her stream. After a few short minutes of finalizing her stream she was finally done.

She leaned back into her chair and rested her hands over her eyes. She let out a long shaky breath. Pulling her headphones from her ears she rested them onto her desk and quickly took a hold of her phone. She saw a few texts from her friends who watch her stream, asking if she was alright. Ignoring the messages, she walked out of her streaming room.

She glanced towards the couch, seeing Corpse sitting with his computer on his lap. He lifted his head as he watched her walk towards the kitchen. He smiled to himself as he watched her. He pushed the laptop onto the couch shutting it, he slowly stood up from the couch. He pulled the eyepatch from his eye and shoved it into his jean pocket. He walked towards her.

Pulling the fridge open, she pulled out a water bottle. “Hey,” he drew out the word, as he furrowed his eyebrows together. “You weren’t supposed to be done for a while,” he continued after a long moment of silence. Avoiding his gaze, she chugged the water. He tapped his fingers on the countertop, his ring hitting it every few times, breaking the silence. “Are you okay?” he finally asked, knowing she hates that question.

She let out a puff of air as she rested the bottle of water on the counter and began walking towards their bedroom. “If I talk about it, I’m going to cry,” she explained while pushing open their bedroom door. Corpse quickly followed her, rarely ever hearing those words coming from her. He walked into the room seeing her pull the shirt from her body over her head. She reached into their closet and took a hold of one of his hoodies.

A small smile formed to his lips as he watched the hoodie fall over her body. Y/N climbed into the bed completely submerging herself under the covers. Corpse’s lips fell into a pout as he watched her, he slowly walked towards the bed. He slowly pulled the covers up and climbed under them with her.

He didn’t say anything at first, he simply lifted the covers up enough to watch her. She laid facing away from him, but her knees were tucked close to her chest. Corpse took in a long breath as he slowly wrapped his arm around her waist. Slowly pulling her body towards his. She sniffled as she rested her hand onto his. He leaned down and pressed his lips to her jaw and whispered, “Talk to me.”

She smiled softly at the sound of his voice, but she didn’t say anything right away. She shut her eyes, a tear slipped from her eye onto her cheek. With her hand resting on top of his, she slowly started to trace shapes on his hand, it was comforting her. She took in a long breath, “I’m just overwhelmed with everything, I am just so tired,” she let out, a small sob leaving her lips.

His eyes widened as he pressed his lips to her skin again, as he lifted his hand and slowly ran his hand along her side. “I’m so sorry, Baby,” he whispered. She smiled softly, pressing her lips together to stop them from trembling. “Do you want me to make you some hot chocolate? I know they always make you feel better,” he offered, “Or I can draw you a bath,”

She thought about it, they both sounded nice but she didn’t want to move. “I just want to cuddle, if that’s okay?” she sighed as her voice cracked. He nodded his head as he pressed soft kisses to her skin.

“Yeah, we can do that,” he muttered as he rested his head into the crook of her neck. Every few minutes he would hear her sniffle, holding back a sob. He hated seeing her like this, but he didn’t know what to say. He ran his fingers slowly up and down her arm, hoping any one of his little movements would help her.

He slowly reached into his hoodie pocket, pulling out his phone. His orginal plan was to check the time, but a thought popped into his head. “What are you doing?” she questioned.

“Just looking up something,” he explained while kissing her jaw reassuringly.

She immediately knew what he was planning on doing, “Baby, please don’t,” she said.

“You don’t even know what I’m going to pla-”

“I do, Corpse, I’m not in the mood-” but before she could stop him, the joyful medival tavern music began to play, right next to her ear. She shut her eyes as she began to giggle. He found the music years ago, and there are countless times he would play the music for her. A lot of the times at the worst times. During her streams or her business meetings. He slowly began to bob his head back and forth to the music, moving the phone back and forth over her head.

She couldn’t help forgetting everything that was affecting her, as the song continued to play. It wasn’t the horrendous song choice, or the weirdly cheerful music, it was Corpse. He knew exactly how to cheer her up, he was perfect. It didn’t take much, but her body no longer felt tense.

“See you’re laughing, Baby, it’s working,” she tilted her head to face him, she saw the wide smile on his face. He raised his eyebrows as he watched the corner of her lips turn upward slightly. He placed the phone down onto the pillow beside their heads, continuing the song. She wiped the tear that was about to fall, as she looked into his eyes. “It’s an adventure, Baby,” he whispered as he rested his hand onto her cheek. He slowly ran his thumb along her skin.

“You’re such a dork,” she shook her head, he nodded his head.

“Well, yeah,” he mutters while giggling.

[strayinvelvet]

[what a fool in love]

Jisung thinks you couldn’t get any cuter when you have your cheeks all pink because of your tiny crush on him

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: fluff, high school au, jisung is babo but cute

wc: 1.5k (this was supposed to be around 500 only but  got carried away)

warning: swear words, improper capitalization because i wrote this in tumblr drafts but just hit up my ask if this annoys you!

a/n: finally posting something after bouncing so many times! hopefully i can post consistently :(

Jisung thinks you couldn’t get any cuter when you have your cheeks flushed, especially when it’s because of him.

he has been observing you for months now and he notices. he notices how you would always stutter when you talk to him. you never do that when you talk to hyunjin or seungmin. he notices how your cheeks would turn a bright shade of pink when he calls you first. sometimes it would even reach your nose.

it’s not like he has been watching you. there was just this one time when he felt like eyes are on him. the bugging feeling was present for most of the day 'til he looked around and there you were, staring right at him. now jisung isn’t really one to boast, but he knows he’s one of the “handsome princes” of the school. he is not oblivious to the number of girls and boys that have a puppy to huge crush on him, thanks to the letters and free lunches he receives every once in a while. 

so from then on, he knows. you’ve been showing signs of your secret crush towards him and he finds it absolutely adorable. the silent yet friendly fella of the class who never finds a struggle in having a conversation with someone despite being a stranger to her, except with him. he wouldn’t say he doesn’t enjoy watching it. 

During lunch last time, when your friends abandoned you to go do their unfinished homework, you asked him, with the most shy and the most adorable look, if you can sit with him in his table. of course, the gentleman that he is, he let you sit. how could he let you possibly spend the whole lunch time looking for a seat? he swear he was only doing you a favor. well, he wouldn’t deny finding you stealing a few short glances at him amusing.

there was also this time when your biology teacher assigned the two of you to be “homework buddies.” it must have taken you a lot of courage to start the conversation. he would’ve pinched your cheeks that time if it weren’t for his self control: hey han jisung, she still hasn’t confessed to you. don’t make her uncomfortable. ah! and what was that you asked him? if he understand how the heart works? and then you went to full on nerd mode in explaining to him how it pumps blood and all the science-y stuff. how its beats depend on different factors, including external ones such as thoughts and feelings towards others. he’s pretty sure you were trying to convey something to him. dropping hints, i see. ahh, if only he could physically coo at you. 

now the reason why he enjoys your actions the most is your subtleness. he can tell that you have no plans to tell him how you feel, save for your natural reaction when you see him, unlike the others who basically throw themselves at him. he can see your efforts to not make the two of you uncomfortable. and all it told him was how considerate you are. you’ve probably noticed how the confessions annoy him sometimes, especially when it was given to him at a bad timing. like the person just wanted to let it out with no regards if he’s in the mood to hear it or not. but you, you have always checked on him silently before doing something. not until today.

your classmates have gone to their respective homes. he just finished practicing with the dance club and was just on his way to the school gates when you called his name hastily. you stopped speed-walking in front of him and took a deep breath as if you just ran out of air. you were holding a folded piece of paper in your hand- wait. piece of paper? is that a letter? a love letter?! oh no...

“hey jisung. i have something to say. actually it’s-”

“no! wait!” he hastily said to stop you.

 startled, you looked at him with a puzzled look, “hm..?”

no, you weren’t supposed to confess today. where did you get the sudden courage? is it from hyunjin? that man always encourage people to confess just to piss him off. tsk, that dick.

he looked at you with hesitation. are you nervous? he really didn’t want to leave you heart broken, tho.

he sighed, “how do i say this...” he gulped an imaginary lump in his throat before continuing, “ yn, you’re cute, i admit. but you see i’m not ready for a relationship yet. you’ve seen me turn down other confessions, i think, but i don’t want to do that to you because, well, you’re simply kind and... pure?” shit how do i really say this?

while he’s thinking of nice synonyms he can say instead as a replacement for what he’s about to say, you on the other hand, were left dumbfounded.

what is this guy on...?

when he finally seemed to quiet down, you didn’t even try to comprehend what he said (there’s no need to try honestly it’s impossible) before finally saying what you really needed to say. 

“jisung...” you paused for a while blinking at him, “i- i was gonna say ms. kim wants you in her office tomorrow during self-study hour. it’s about your biology grades,” you gave him the paper you were holding - his biology test marked with a big red, “you failed your preliminary quiz again and she’s afraid you’re going to fail the final quiz. she wanted me to say it because we’ve been partners for this subject.”

and then the most awkward silence ensued. not until he spoke with the most “huh?” tone.

“what?”

“Ms. Kim-”

“no wait i heard that. just... what?”

at this point you didn’t know what to say. your eyes travel from one point to another except to his eyes just because he’s clearly unfathomable right now.

“you weren’t-” he stopped to swallow the lump in his throat that now actually exists, “you weren’t going to confess?” he asked (with a bit of a hope that you actually were on the way to do so just to save him from humiliation).

however, he’s hopeless from his mess.

with a furrowed brows you finally answered, “no...? where’d you get that?”

well shit.

“i mean- don’t you like... have a crush on me?”

“where is this coming from?” you kind of dragged the where part because part of you hoped to understand where he’s coming from.

“you were all blushy with me!!” he is currently on his mission to prove that you liked him.

“when?!”

“last week! it even reached your nose and you were so cu-”

“han jisung! it’s winter! i had colds last week!”

“what about that time in the cafeteria when you were all shy?! and that time when you were explaining to me, OUT OF THE BLUE, about how liking someone makes your heart beat and stuff? or when i would catch your eyes on me?!”

“when were those even?! and you totally took that biology thing out of context!” you crossed your arms in front of your chest. you are so into this argument now.

the both of you went through this banter with your voices going higher the further the banter gets for as long as your memory (or jisung’s. he’s racking up his brain to save himself) could allow. however, as the banter got stretched, the more he realized that he really did misunderstand you and your adorable actions. by a lot. so when it finally donned him that he has such a thick face for thinking like that, plus assuming that you would confess, he finally kept quiet and let himself absorb the stupidity he has done.

for you, however, you find this whole strange exchange hilarious. normally, if it was other guys, you’d have slapped him across the street for assuming things. but it is han jisung. he never rubbed it on anyone’s faces that he has a lot of admirers. he never gets cocky about his popularity. he gets shy over small praises (he loves praises). he also managed to teach the whole class one lesson in calculus minutes before an exam just because his friends asked him to teach them a crash course, until the whole class joined their little tutorial.

“soo...” you tried to start.

“wait don’t talk anymore this is kinda embarrassing for me,” he closed his eyes shut as if he's trying to convince himself to wake up from this embarrassing nightmare.

you giggled, well isn't he adorably clumsy? he's weird but you'd just take it as another opportunity to gain a close friend. “do you still need help in biology? i kinda need help in calculus...”

“alright, let’s head down the diner” he answered immediately before walking straight forward without looking at you.

"jisung!” he stopped on his tracks but without looking at you. “it’s this way!" you pointed at the opposite direction of where he was going. he turned towards you and fast-walked in that direction until you told him to wait for you in which he slowed down his steps by tenfold until you were right beside him. still not letting your eyes meet. he’s that embarrassed.

little did you both know a close friend is not only thing you'd gain from this.

[thereisnowarinnevercord]

🫵😮 a nevermore discord mod! in the wild! OMG!

i have a feeww things to say to you if you’ll turn to me your almighty ear

first, a bunch of the people talking are either not banned or left of their own accord, just for clarity as i can tell you’re trying to lump all of us together into one hateful entity you can banish from the tumblr tag (koff, modding outside of the server) (whatever happened to us being allowed to, what was the wording red used again? oh right, decide together how we want our space to be)

(screenshot taken from hideout, from a conversation about the original nevermore confessions account, included to show the reasonable view on fandom culture given by red, i agree with)

next, do “bullies and generally nasty pieces of work” put in hours an hours complimenting every piece of fanwork posted in the discord server? so much that you, you yourself have had to replace them to hide their absence, by suddenly beginning to routinely and in similar format paragraphs compliment fanwork after a bistander pointed out the absence? (screenshots included) is it a common bullying method to be so beloved by the server that multiple people have brought up their absence? if this user was bullying people, wouldn’t it be easy to respond to their dms asking why they were banned with screenshot evidence? wouldn’t it be the simplest thing in the world not to ignore their many REAL, GENUINE questions about why they were banned from a community they loved?? if there was evidence of them breaking multiple rules, why hasn’t it been presented? unless, and this couldn’t possibly be the truth since you keep saying it’s not and you, the mod team, are always completely correct and forthcoming of course, there actually wasn’t a genuine reason for this user to be banned? 🤔🤔

(screenshots from fan gallery reactions. you, rune, only began complimenting fanworks after the compliment absence was pointed out. before that, your only compliments were short remarks. the imitation of this banned user’s style of compliments is abundantly clear. there are countless other examples of this banned user complimenting people and being kind and comforting to be around. anyone who had interacted with them would agree. their name is censored to protect a minor’s identity (koff), but you and i both know which user this is.)

next! i don’t know why you’re pretending you’re not a part of the mod team, but let it be known that YOU ARE.

calling us howlermonkeys does feel like bad faith ragebait, but what do i know! i’m just a bellyaching howlermonkey i guess!

also, “targeted tumblrs” O.M.G. they noticed me!!!!!! 🥰😋😍

if anyone feels bullied by me, send me an ask or a dm so we can hash it out and i can apologize plz! i never mean to make anyone upset or uncomfortable, very much just be trying to shed light on a situation certain modly peoples are clearly attempting to hush up.

& i never, NEVER bullied anyone for their art. i would NEVER do that (though you know who has done that? a certain user that hasn’t been banned from the discord to this day…. does kidnapping and torture ring a bell? or have they kept that secret from the new mods too)

There's a pack of howlermonkeys bellyaching cause they cant get over being booted out of the server for being bullies and generally nasty pieces of work.

As someone whose in the server, its a much nicer place to be now. They expanded the mod team, n R&F stepped down. The mods are slowly finding their feet after revamping the server for ease of navigation. They aren't hiding anything, they are going through a baptism of fire trying to find their groove.

More people join the server everyday. The artists who were being bullied and made feel like they couldn't post are regaining their confidence.

The mis-info the howlermonkeys who aren't in the server are spreading is laughable. They've had to resort to creating targeted tumblrs n tags to spread toxicity in the NM tag cause they got nothing better to do. And they've taken to bullying other NM fans on tumblr to such a degree that they're forced to turn off replies to their posts, or delete them completely. Pure fandom wank behaviour.

[lowkeyorloki]

Goldfish

Pairing: Loki x Mobius

Rating: Teen and up, but nothing more than a couple kisses

A/N: Hiiii sorry I’m never on here anymore I’m a bit busy and I don’t have time to post consistently on tumblr if I want to keep updating my multichapter! I know this isn’t my usual content but I’m posting it on my ao3 so I figured I’d drop it here as well ^.^ it’s funny, I don’t even ship lokius but I saw some fanart on twitter of them hugging and it just... inspired me. If this is your thing, I hope you enjoy <3

~

It’s just that… Loki knows it will have to be him.

He can’t read Mobius, not like he can every other human he comes across. Or being, even. Mobius has seen every moment of Loki’s life, some of which Loki himself will now never live out or understand. Mobius has watched Loki in his most private moments.

It makes the TVA agent inescapable. He knows Loki, truly knows him, whether Loki likes it or not. 

And so Loki can’t tell with Mobius. The small exhaled laughs or the allowance of Loki to fix his tie. Loki doesn’t know if Mobius does these things because he wants to, or because Loki would like to think the other man wants him to. 

And Mobius is loyal to the TVA, anyway. Even if he were to look past all of Loki’s faults, even if Mobius were to see Loki as anything more than a pain in the ass of a friend, he wouldn’t do anything. It was controversial enough to bring in Loki at all.

Loki should be thankful he has Mobius in any capacity at all. 

And so Loki knows he would have to make the first move. And he can’t do that, because Mobius is possibly the only person who could destroy Loki with a simple rejection. 

Loki keeps quiet, and lives for when his shoulder brushes Mobius’s in the elevator. 

~

Trying to find the variant is exhausting. Mobius is on his seventh cup of coffee, and his head is starting to buzz. Not the good, productive type of buzz either. The type that makes someone need to lay down. 

Apparently, Loki has already had that idea. Mobius glances at him, asleep across the table and surrounded by books and loose papers. As he drains the last of what’s in his cup, Mobius realizes he hasn’t seen Loki eat or drink a single thing since he got here. If he had to, Mobius would bet money the god hasn’t been sleeping either. 

Mobius stands up, his back cracking when he does. He groans - Mobius is getting old, something he’s noticed more and more lately. He walks around the table until he’s right next to Loki, ready to wake him up. Loki’s breaths are even, hitting the ends of a few pieces of paper. Mobius has never really seen him like this - calm, subdued. He almost looks peaceful. Mobius leans over Loki, hands on his hips as he examines the other man. 

Mobius would never tell Loki, but it is obvious that the dark-haired man is a god. There are just things about his looks that clue Mobius in. 

Loki’s skin, even as it’s gotten dull with his time in the TVA, is technically flawless. He glows, even in his embarrassing or rude moments. His cheekbones are impossibly sharp, and his lips are the reddest Mobius has seen. He would guess they’re soft. 

Loki’s hair was the most dead giveaway. It always looked perfect, loose curls that seemed to suck in any light. It was the opposite of Mobius’s graying blond hair. He’s shiny. Everything about Loki is shiny. 

Loki stirs, and Mobius straightens up, not wanting Loki to see him watching. He was upset enough that Mobius has watched his entire life over. 

Mobius ponders how to wake Loki up when a lock of his black hair falls into his face. Without thinking, Mobius reaches forward and tucks it behind the man’s ear.

Reckless. Loki really does start to wake up then, and Mobius swats him with the corner of the folders in his hand. 

“Come on,” Mobius says. “We’re not even close to done.”

~

The two of them are so close to making strides. Loki is smart, just like Mobius knew - just like he keeps convincing Ravonna - but he’s being held back. It’s like a single wrong look could make Loki wither away, be absent for the rest of the day. Mobius has no clue how someone who thought so highly of himself could be so affected by the glare of a random agent. Maybe Mobius didn’t know Loki as well as he thought. Only in small ways, though. 

And Mobius still hasn’t seen him eat or drink a damn thing. 

He stands up abruptly, surprising Loki. His head shoots up, perfect curls becoming loose and falling in his face in the process. Mobius almost considers brushing them away. 

“Come on,” he says, gesturing towards the exit. Loki narrows his eyes.

“We haven’t even been here four hours,” he says, which is generous, because they both know they’ve only been there for two. Mobius lets out a harsh sigh. 

“Am I the supervisor or are you? Let’s go, Loki.” Loki seems to know Mobius is doing him a favor, and stands up as well. Loki follows him down a new set of hallways, stands next to him in an elevator he hasn’t been on yet. 

“Am I to take it we’re breaking the rules, or…?” Loki trails off in a way that is anything but unsure. 

“It’s for the sake of the cause,” Mobius says. “We don’t need to address it directly.”

Mobius does look over his shoulder when he gets to the door, and locks it as soon as they’re both inside. He flicks on the lights, and Loki looks bored. Mobius lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you. Sit down,” he gestures towards the couch. 

“Agent Mobius, are you allowing me in your home?” Loki’s eyes glint. Despite himself, Mobius finds himself relieved to hear Loki making quips again. He already might have more energy. 

“Hey, if we don’t talk about it, my job security looks a lot better,” Mobius sets a bowl down in front of Loki. “Will you please eat something? God or not, I don’t know how you’re still alive after a month.” Loki presses his lips into a thin line.

“Mobius, I appreciate the gesture, but you don’t need to -” Mobius is already prepared, and tosses a piece of food directly into Loki’s mouth as he speaks. He makes a gagging noise, and looks at Mobius furiously, but the other man is already laughing. 

“What… what are these?” He asks after swallowing, seemingly admitting defeat. Mobius laughs again.

“Goldfish. They’re from Earth you know,” Mobius eats a few, and quietly celebrates when Loki does as well. 

“Goldfish. I know of an employee you have that might benefit from these,” Loki tells him. 

“I’m flattered you think I’m anyone’s, especially Casey’s, superior. But really, the only person I’m in charge of is you,” Mobius says. Loki glares. 

“I’m always ten steps ahead of you all. Surely you know that,” he says, but it’s non-committal. Mobius can tell. 

“Yep. You’ve said before, handsome. This is all part of your plan.” Mobius looks to Loki for his next retort, but Loki doesn’t say anything. He stares at Mobius with an unreadable look on his face, and Mobius realizes his slip up. Handsome.

“Hey, don’t let my crackers go to waste. They’re hard to get a hold of around here, you know,” Mobius says, and Loki seems to move.

They stay like that for awhile, Loki sitting as Mobius watches over him. Mobius is just getting comfortable again when Loki gets up.

“It’s been great, but we probably should be heading back now,” he says, walking towards the door. “Wouldn’t want the timekeepers finding out about this, would we?”

Mobius stops him, carefully telling him to wait. Loki does, back facing him.

“I can tell you’re tired, Loki. I get it. You got here just after a war,” Loki tenses, just barely, at the mention of New York. Mobius talks faster to smooth it over. “I think you can take a day off. Better for me anyway. I don’t want to be sticking my neck out for someone who isn’t even helping all that much.” Mobius puts his hand on Loki’s shoulder. 

He’s always shocked by the amount of muscle he can feel through the material of Loki’s shirt. Loki seems so lean, but whenever Mobius touches him, he can feel how solid the other man is. He likes it. It’s soothing.

Loki turns around, looking suspicious. Mobius doesn’t blame Loki, but he does almost feel guilty. 

Almost.

“You can sleep here. Not just today. I’m sure the cot they have you sleeping in hardly compares to whatever you had on Asgard,” Mobius steps away, letting Loki go and waving his hand. “My couch doesn’t either, but it’s an upgrade for sure. Living room is all yours, buddy.”

“Where are you going?” Loki asks. Mobius looks at him. 

“To my room. I’m tired too,” he says. Loki blinks. 

“Won’t someone notice I’m not where I’m supposed to be?”

“I’ll take care of it,” Mobius says dismissively, even though he has no idea how he’s going to pull this off.

He’s practically made Loki a promise at this point. He’ll figure out how to make it all okay somehow. 

~

It’s driving Loki insane. 

Before, he could keep it all in because he was scared that Mobius wouldn’t want it. Wouldn’t want him. But now, there are moments that Loki doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that Mobius might push him away, give him that disapproving look if it meant Loki could just…

Kiss him. 

Loki scoffs at himself. He didn’t even get this caught up in the thought of a kiss as a boy. It was pathetic to feel like this in adulthood. 

What’s even worse is the thought that maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. He can recall watching Thor on Earth as he followed around Jane Foster, losing every bit of charm that kept him so popular on Asgard. At the time, Loki didn’t understand it.

But now he does. 

Everything is so high stakes for him - Loki is doomed if he doesn’t do as the TVA wants, and he would have been doomed had he just stayed on Earth like he was supposed to. But he barely even pays attention to those things.

Every waking moment is about Mobius. How he looks in the morning before he showers, hair tousled as he digs around in the fridge. The way his face lights up when he and Loki almost find the variant, and then the inevitable disappointment when they don’t. How every night, without fail, he tells Loki goodnight as the god falls asleep on his couch. 

Loki is starting to think there is something here. Because he’s paranoid, but not stupid. Mobius wouldn’t be letting Loki get this close if he thought the same way as when they first met. 

They enjoy each other. Mobius likes to lead, to rebel in the way he’s been given permission to. And Loki is realizing he doesn’t mind following a man like Mobius. 

~

Of course, the TVA isn’t so bad either. 

The organization itself, Loki hates. He’s never met the timekeepers, but they sound like kings. That was a group Loki never got along with. 

But the buildings, the center, was growing on him. Even if he wasn’t allowed access to most of the materials, Loki likes the library. He enjoys staying deep in the bookshelves, and bringing a stack out to drop right on the book Mobius is reading. Loki likes the elevators, which seemed to be the few minutes he could simply stand in silence and rest. He likes Casey too, though he tends to leave the poor, sad man alone now. 

Most of all, Loki likes the long hallways that rarely had anyone but him and Mobius. They feel private without being stifling. Sometimes, when the two go back to Mobius’s apartment too early, Loki feels sick. Like it physically hurts to be so close to having what he wants.

~

“That brown suit is hideous, you know.” Loki tells Mobius as they’re both getting ready. Mobius scowls at Loki.

“It’s uniform. You know, if everything works out, you might get one just like it,” Mobius retorts. Loki scoffs. “Alright then, mr. prince. What would you have me in?”

Loki stops, his eyes trailing over Mobius as he thinks about the question. Loki smirks, turning around as he grabs his belt.

“Anything else. You always look so uptight. No one here knows how to let loose a bit.”

“I’m uptight. That’s a good one,” Mobius says. He’s standing by the door, wanting to leave. “Could you hurry up and put your pants on? We’re late.”

All Loki is doing is tucking his shirt in, but he thinks he can feel Mobius looking. It’s in a way that doesn’t seem strictly observational. 

~

The nightmares, of course, are an issue. 

Loki hasn’t shared a room since he and Thor were children, so no one knows about the night terrors he gets. Maybe Mobius does, having had a glance at a few as he watched Loki’s life play out on the screen. But Loki doesn’t think so, because Mobius has never said anything. 

But of course, Loki has to ruin that. He wakes up with a shout that echoes off the walls. He slaps a hand over his mouth, then pulls it away, sticky with sweat. He’s pinching the bridge of his nose when Mobius bursts into the living room, slamming his hand over the light switch to turn it on.

“I’m sorry,” Loki says immediately, squinting at the brightness. “I didn’t mean to be so loud. I know you would get in trouble if someone were to find me here.”

“You.. I’d…” Mobius blinks, still half asleep and trying to figure out what’s happening. “Loki, are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Go back to bed, Mobius.” Loki leans more into his palm, cursing himself for letting this happen. If Mobius knows Loki like he claims to, he should just go.

Mobius stays in the doorway, and Loki can practically hear the gears turning in his head. Mobius sighs.

“Look, I’m not gonna ask you what it was, but… why don’t you sleep in here for tonight?” He gestures behind him, presumably towards his bed. Loki raises his head, looking at the other man.

Mobius looks sincere - painfully so. It seems like he doesn’t know what’s going on or what he should do, but he also looks like he just wants Loki to listen. 

Loki gets up, folding the blanket on the couch before he follows Mobius. Loki crawls into the bed after the other man, staying as far away as possible. He expects Mobius to say something else, but he doesn’t. Mobius just sighs and yanks the blanket towards him. 

~

Loki wakes up feeling amazing. 

He feels rested, warm and heavy as he stirs. The room smells like sleep, and Loki can’t help but raise his arms above his head and stretch. That’s when he feels something on his chest. Loki opens his eyes, peering down. Mobius’s arm is slung over him, the other man still asleep. 

Loki doesn’t move, trying to figure out how asleep Mobius still is. He wonders if they can stay like this for a few more minutes. 

He doesn’t take the chance. Loki gets up, quietly leaving so he can take a shower in the bathroom where his toothbrush sits next to Mobius’s. 

~

Mobius doesn’t like this shift in his feelings. 

He liked thinking Loki was all bravado with no depth. It was easy to separate everything that way. What was work, and what wasn’t. What mattered and didn’t. 

What was ethical or not. 

Being around Loki so much was making Mobius like him. Even worse, care. He started to dread rewatching certain scenes from his life to look for clues that might tell him where other Lokis are, because Mobius can see the effects of it all now. They’re playing out in front of him, sleeping on his living room couch. 

When Loki wakes up from whatever he was dreaming about, Mobius feels sick. He doesn’t even think about the fact Loki’s cry is loud enough to get caught - literally does not even occur to him. His only thought is, what now? What could possibly catch up to you here?

After Loki lays down in his bed (which was easier to get him to do than Mobius thought), Mobius listens for his breathing to even out. Then he reaches over, resting his arm on Loki’s chest. Mobius falls asleep making sure Loki is still breathing. 

~

Mobius notices the way Loki looks at him. The realization makes Mobius think about the two of them. What it would mean. 

It hasn’t even occurred to him to look at Loki like that, not seriously. Loki is an asset, so Mobius built up a ton of walls for the sake of professionalism. You know, for his job. Mobius is aware of Loki’s attractiveness because he has to be. It’s part of the reason all these Lokis get away with so much. 

But after that night Mobius begins to look at Loki because he can. And then he realizes he��s been doing that all along. 

“You know,” Mobius tells Loki the next afternoon. They’re in the cafeteria, and Loki is eating everything in his salad but the cherry tomatoes. “It might be better if you stay with me again tonight. Like you said, we wouldn’t want any of my neighbors to pick up on anything.” Loki raises an eyebrow, carefully setting his fork down. Mobius clears his throat.

“No need to be embarrassed, partner. I’m told I have a soothing presence.”

“I absolutely would not say that,” Loki says. “But… if you insist. After all,” Loki’s eyes glint. “You’re in charge.”

Mobius doesn’t know what to say to that, and drinks a cup of water in just one gulp.

~

And they settle into it. Loki doesn’t sneak out of Mobius’s arms, in fact, he actively seeks them out. Only once everything is quiet and the lights are out, but still. Loki tucks his head under Mobius’s chin, Mobius wraps his arms around Loki’s torso, and they both like it. A lot.

They don’t mention it ever, but it doesn’t seem like something they aren’t allowed to talk about. It’s just part of the routine. Shower, study, search, eat, get in bed. It’s nice. 

At some point, Loki realizes this is the longest he’s stayed in one place for a very long time. 

~

Just like Loki thought, he’s the first to do it. 

They’re in the elevator, and it’s taking a particularly long time, and Mobius decided to stand closer than he needed to and Loki just… kisses him. 

The best part is, Mobius doesn’t even seem surprised. He opens his mouth when Loki bites down on his lip, and he holds on to the lapels of Loki’s jacket and Loki cradles his face. Everything is so familiar, so natural, and Loki can’t help but smile against Mobius’s stupid mustache. 

And then Loki pulls away. Mobius doesn’t say anything, but he gives Loki a sad smile. Loki feels his blood run cold. 

“What?” He asks, and suddenly, he feels like a child. Like Mobius knows something he doesn’t, and now Loki is going to be chastised. 

“Nothing,” Mobius says, but that’s obviously not true. He sighs. “It’s just… that can't happen again.”

Loki stares at Mobius. “Why?” He demands. “Did you like it?”

“Yes,” Mobius says. His hands are resting on Loki’s waist, but he slides one over Loki's stomach. Mobius’s fingers find their way through the holes that the buttons of Loki’s shirt leave. The feeling of Mobius’s fingers on Loki’s bare skin make Loki dizzy, and confused. 

“Then why can’t we do it again?” He asks, wanting to rip Mobius’s hand off of him, but unable to bring himself to. Mobius grimaces. 

“Loki... Isn’t what we got goin’ enough?” Loki is cool under Mobius’s fingers. No more than anyone else though, even with his frost giant heritage. “C’mon, Loki,” when Mobius glances at Loki, then immediately looks away. The sight of Loki’s disorientated face, combined with his mouth slightly ajar… it’s too much. “You know if it goes any further one of us will screw up. I’ll even say it’ll be me. But someone would notice. It’d be impossible for them not to.”

“But… you’re the one who started this,” Loki protests, and he’s right, because Mobius is the one who brought him into this whole mess. The TVA, his apartment, his bedroom. It’s all been Mobius. Loki never asked for any of that. 

“I know,” Mobius says, and he sounds like he’s sorry. “Listen, I know. I’m sorry. We can’t have it all, but if we keep going the way we have, we can still have some.”

Loki steps away, and Mobius’s face falls. He looks more angry than sad. 

“I think I’d like to go back to my cell now.” Loki says. 

~

Loki doesn’t actually go back to his cell. But he does sleep on the couch again, and refuses to touch the Goldfish Mobius leaves out.

Mobius feels like a dick, but he’s also sort of pissed. He’s not happy about this either, and if Loki wasn’t always so selfish, he would see that Mobius also isn’t prancing around in happiness. 

“I’m not like you,” Mobius tells Loki the next morning. “Look, I can’t just… rebel. It’s not a luxury I’ve been afforded.”

“I’m glad that after seeing my entire life and death, you’ve settled on the word ‘luxury’ to describe it,” Loki responds angrily, and Mobius just backs off. He knows he won’t get anywhere with Loki, not like this. 

~

Watching Loki close himself off is… exactly what Mobius would have thought it would be. 

It’s exactly the same as when Loki arrived at the TVA, he’s just less defensive. Loki is just as mad at everyone else, but with Mobius, Loki doesn’t even give him a reaction. He does exactly what’s asked of him, no more and no less. 

Mobius misses him. 

Loki is just across the table, but Mobius misses their rapport. He wants to tease the god again, hassle him as they make their way to the cafeteria. Mobius wants to listen to Loki talk about Asgard, tell him all the little details that can’t be picked up on a screen. He wants his friend back. 

And now Mobius isn’t sleeping, either. He grew used to Loki’s head resting on his chest, the feeling of his hip in his hand. Mobius thinks about the skin of Loki’s stomach, how everything in the elevator felt. 

It was like Mobius lit up. He felt alive again, with free will and all.

But of course, Mobius doesn’t have free will. If he did, he’d pull Loki into the elevator himself, and show Loki just how much wanted this too. 

~

It hurts because Loki knows Mobius wants this. 

It’s almost worse than if he didn’t - because Mobius liking, wanting, and maybe even needing Loki back, it makes him like everything else in Loki’s life. Loki is so close, he can reach it, even hold it in the palm of his hand. A life with Mobius, at least for the time being, would be exactly as it was before the argument, except more so. Just a bit more. 

Loki can’t take it. He feels like he’s going to vomit every second of the day, because his life is a vicious cycle and coming so far just to be thrown away.  He takes long showers now, the stream of water being the only thing that can drown out his thoughts. Loki almost doesn’t see Mobius as he steps out of the bathroom, drying his hair. 

“Loki,” the other man says, and his tone is so grave that Loki stops. 

“Mobius,” he responds. “Do you need something?”

“I… I wanted to apologize,” Mobius takes a step forward. “For what I said.”

Loki tilts his head. “For which part? I recall quite a few things.” A look of exasperation passes over Mobius’s face. Loki hates to admit it, but the look is relieving. It makes everything seem less serious than it is. 

“What I said about not being like you,” Mobius explains. “Look, I know you’ve felt alone your whole life. And the way I said that, I don’t feel good about it. I’m sorry.”

Loki blinks, then throws his towel in the hamper. 

“It’s fine,” he says. Mobius shakes his head, stepping even closer, and Loki raises his eyes. 

“No, Loki, it’s not,” Mobius reaches up, running his fingers through Loki’s damp hair. “I lied,” he murmurs. “I lied to the God of Lies. I am like you, Loki. I’m your kind. I know Lokis, so I know who you would have been. But this you?” Mobius places his hands over Loki’s hips and pushes, pressing Loki’s back against the wall. “I’m still getting to know who you are now. And I like you, Loki. I really do.” Mobius stares at Loki expectantly. Loki swallows, resting his hands on Mobius’s shoulders. Mobius is softer than Loki is, and it makes Loki’s mouth water. From here, Loki can see every wrinkle and gray hair that Mobius has. He’s painfully human. Loki closes his eyes, leaning forward to press his lips against Mobius’s temple. 

“Do you mean it?” He asks. “Will it stick? Are you going to call it all off?” At this angle, Mobius can reach Loki’s neck, and he begins to suck on the delicate skin there. Loki lets out a moan. 

“I can’t promise we’re gonna get married and be together forever,” Mobius teases Loki lightly. He runs his tongue over Loki’s Adam’s Apple. “But I’m not gonna stop just because of the TVA. You.. you’re worth more than that.” Mobius slides his palms under Loki’s shirt and up his back, and Loki melts into him. “I promise.”

“Okay,” Loki says, because that’s all there is to say. He trusts Mobius, Loki realizes. He wholeheartedly does. 

“Loki,” Mobius says, exhaling. “Can I touch you? Do you want me to touch you?”

Loki straightens, catching Mobius’s eye. 

“Yes.”

[bigskydreaming]

I kinda wanna fucking scream, so here, have a offline bullshit rant post.

So I’ve literally been trying to get my stupid fucking meds for over a MONTH now at this point, which I’m sure you can all see like, my mood is just wooooonderful these days. Not an excuse, casual reminder that yeah you do gotta take care of your own space so if my mood is dragging anyone down, I’m totes on board with blocking or unfollowing or y’know, burning me in effigy or something. Okay maybe not that last part. But still. You get it. And its not even that like, I need mood stabilizers per se, lol, so shout out to the armchair diagnosticians helpfully peppering my inbox still in their quest to oh so slickly be like ‘hey you’re a hot mess, take your hot messness away from tumblr’ like lol, didn’t ask.....nah, its mostly the perpetual lack of sleep and chronic pain issues that I have zero distraction from when my specific combo of meds isn’t able to let me actually weaponize my ADHD properly and power through that. Its a whole thing. Whatever. Just go with it.

POINT IS. So I’ve been trying to do this for over a month now, first obstacle was even just getting the money together for my refill appointment which is a whopping $150, because I have to pay out of pocket for mental health stuff these days because I had to switch my insurance over to something that paid out more heavily for physical benefits like my jaw surgery.....and because of the pandemic, and how many psychiatrists in my area and that I could actually reach aren’t taking new patients during the pandemic since most of them are conducting business virtually still, like, I have barely any resources for seeking out and trying new psychiatrist offices in the meanwhile that might charge less and I’m kinda stuck with the one I have because the last thing I can afford is to have like, NO psychiatrist at the moment, y’know?

So first I had to have that to even BOOK the appointment, which took forever because rent and food are a joy to accrue when you can barely manage to function as an actual employee of the capitalist machine ahfsklhflkahflakf, but so then I did that and like, got an appointment put on the books for August 19th. That was the soonest they could fit me in back when I paid them for my appointment about a week and a half ago. No, two weeks ago now? Eh, time is fake. ANYWAY, so that wasn’t gonna work for me, so basically the entirety of last week was devoted to constantly calling and trying to check in every other hour to see if they had any sooner cancellations I could take, because for whatever fucking reason, they just ‘don’t do’ a cancellation list wherein they call the next person on the list once they have a cancellation. Whatever.

So finally got a cancellation slot with a virtual appointment last Saturday night at random as fuck 8:40. Okay cool. Most of my refills are fairly simple, no real changes, but two are controlled substances so like, they have to do their due diligence and go through the proper protocols before giving me another prescription to one or whatever. Fine. Okay.

So I call the CVS they sent the prescription for my ADHD med to, the very next morning. One of the controlled substances, and the key med to like....making me functional instead of a rambling disjointed whirlibird of a thought emitter. Problem is, that medication is on back order. Won’t be in until Tuesday. Ugh. Okay, fine. Nothing I can do about it, because while the specific provider I spoke to in order to GET my refill prescriptions was taking an appointment the night before, the actual offices that schedule appointments and connect patients through to their providers was closed for the weekend, so I couldn’t even ask for them to send the scrip somewhere else.

SO. I go back to the CVS on Monday, hoping that maybe it came in early because not like I can do much else in the meanwhile. Course its not there, but oh well. I toy with the idea of calling to ask my provider to send the scrip to a different pharmacy (only had it sent to this one cuz its within walking distance to me, and since I can’t drive for medical reasons and Uber’s are expensive as fuck, just for errands, like, even though walking is sooooo not fun for me physically, like it is what it is). I decide against it because here’s another fun fact about this controlled substance....for security reasons, pharmacies don’t have to tell people over the phone if they have it in stock or not. Like, they won’t just say no we don’t have it in stock - I mean, they WILL say that, but that doesn’t actually mean anything because that’s what most of them say about that particular medication no matter whether or not they DO, and then just cite security protocols, so you have to actually GO to the store in question to ask them and even get a real answer to whether or not they even HAVE it in stock to FILL a prescription if its sent over. And no, the provider won’t just send scrips into several different pharmacies at once and just be whichever has it in stock can fill it - because again, controlled substance.

SO. I decide its not worth it to try getting the scrip sent over somewhere else, because I’d have to at least waste money on an Uber to even travel to various pharmacies and even check if they CAN fill it sooner than this one, when at least this place will have it in tomorrow. Its just one more day at this point.

Except then I go back on Tuesday. Oh sorry, don’t know why that other person told you we’d have our order in today, our shipments of that medication don’t come in until Wednesdays.

So I go back Wednesday. Success! They have it in stock. I go to pay, pulling out my goodRx coupon that was just printed out that morning, specifically citing the price for CVS at Target. The pharmacy manager says sorry, we don’t honor that coupon here for controlled substances like this one. I say: record scratch? He’s like yeah, that’s at the discretion of individual pharmacies, and we don’t honor that price for this specific medication, because we don’t want to attract customers only coming here to get that medication filled for that price. (This pharmacy is right at the edge of Inglewood and Culver City, for anyone who is familiar with those neighborhoods. The implications are exactly as they appear to be). So I’m like, what’s the regular generic price? He quotes me something that’s $180 more than the coupon, and thus $180 more than I have since I was focused totally on getting THIS amount ASAP, so I could get these meds so I could do more work and make more money. You see the train of thought. I’m like well that’s awesome, I don’t have anything close to that. Hey. Weird question. Why did nobody I talked to the past three days in a row that I’ve walked into this store in person to request this refill, like, mention this little tidbit about not honoring this coupon so instead of waiting for a backorder that would do me no good, I could have been spending that time having my prescription transferred somewhere that WOULD honor it?

He’s like, well did you mention to any of them that you’d be using a goodRx coupon for this particular medication? I said, yup. He said, you sure? I said well the specific process each time was I came in, I asked if this medication was in, they said what’s your name and date of birth, I provided that info, they said are you paying out of pocket, we don’t have valid insurance info for this on file for you, I said yup paying out of pocket with a goodRx coupon, they said *clickety clack of the keyboard* nope, sorry, we won’t have this medicine in until Tuesday, I mean Wednesday. 

He’s like, well you must be misremembering or they would have told you at the time that we don’t take GoodRx coupons on this medication. I’m like, dude, it was you. It was literally you that I spoke to two of those three times, right here at the counter, in person. I’m gonna go ahead and trust my memory of those interactions and what was said there over yours since you don’t actually remember having talked to me two times in the last three days. He’s like, I gotta go help another customer. There is no other customer. I leave. Fun day for everyone.

So then I call around town to at least check which CVS will actually honor the coupon I have and the price that I can afford to pay it at. I don’t bother asking if they even have the medication in stock because I know its not guaranteed to be a CORRECT answer, but at least I can see who accepts this damn coupon. Also, reason I’m only trying big brand pharmacies instead of smaller, hole in the wall ones is because again, controlled substance, and I know from experience that the bigger brand pharmacies are at least more likely to have that med in stock whereas most smaller ones tend to run out very quickly as they usually only get enough for their existing/regular customers and a little extra.

I find a CVS five miles away - not walkable, gonna have to Uber. Call my psychiatrist office again to ask them to transfer the scrip, front office says they’ll send the request to my provider, who usually checks and fulfills such requests in 24-48 hours. I’m like okay cool, can I get a phone call to let me know when that happens, so at least I know when to check back to follow up if it hasn’t happened yet for whatever reason? They’re like no, the pharmacy will send you a text or call when they get the prescription sent over and you can take it from there with them. I’m like okay, but I’ve done this a bunch of times and know from experience the pharmacy does NOT in fact always call or text, so is there a certain time to follow up to inquire if the provider has already sent the scrip and the pharmacy SHOULD have it by now or if the delay is on the provider’s end? Front office is like yeah no. I’m like, swell.

So that was yesterday. I call the pharmacy (which I still don’t even know if they have the medication IN STOCK to fill the scrip even once they GET the scrip, and won’t until I can actually Uber out there, but one thing at a time at this point) at like 9 pm, they’re a 24 hour pharmacy, and they’re like nope, we got nothing (this is after spending an hour and a half on hold to even TALK to someone at the pharmacy). Called them again today at noon, still nada. Technically I have another 29 hours before the window in which the provider is supposed to send the refill scrip to this new location, before I can be like, okay so they still haven’t done it, can we send him a nudge or another request. The 24-48 hour window will only actually EXPIRE after their offices close on Friday meaning it’ll be Monday before I can even actually REACH someone again to ask them to send the scrip again, if the pharmacy hasn’t ACTUALLY gotten it by Friday night, and pessimistically, I’m not super inclined to assume that they will at this point. 

I’m antsy, irritable, hungry because I don’t even know for SURE sure if the new pharmacy will ACTUALLY honor the coupon or say no sorry we don’t do that here either, whoever told you that was wrong, or if they’ll even actually have it in stock versus I’ll have to have it sent somewhere else AGAIN, so I have to pinch every penny possible in order to ensure I have the most money possible once my prescription IS filled in case the price is more than I expected again or in case I have to take Ubers there or further than I expected or basically....shit happens that I don’t expect. And this is what I’m basically spending all my time doing instead of working, because trying to get work done in this state is like....the harder I try to make it happen, the less it actually gets done, so I try and prioritize this and its roadblock after roadblock dragging out and wasting my time, and like yeah, I can post and shit while I’m doing this aka sitting on hold or walking around town trying to get shit filled because its fine if I ramble incoherently along the way in posts, but actual WORK work requires like....fucking coherency and succinctness and not having to stop and start every five minutes to call someone else, and oh yeah, being able to power through migraine spikes. And just.

I’m very annoyed about anything and everything to do with this shit. The hoops you have to jump through to even get the stuff that like....actualizes your hoop jumping ability, is just....*gnashing of teeth*

Anyway. So that’s my offline bullshit rant. Yay. The end.