#This has been a typical me rambling in tags session

[blackcatanna]

Whenever I see people referring to "X", I either pronounce it in my head as "Tweeter" OR "KEY" like they inexplicably do in Kingdom Hearts (but only sometimes).

[leftneb]

appearantly I had enough thoughts on this that I filled the 30 tag limit with yapping so here is a (hopefully) coherent essay slash ramble session

All this talk about the way Oscar handles PR made me think about the typical ASD/generally ND experience of people misinterpreting you as a person immensely because of you reactions, or lack-of them. And not to ND truth Oscar (or Lando for that matter) because that is NOT my place but I think it's been said by many ND people (myself included) that they relate to Oscar - and specifically the way he does PR, for example:

acting on a script✅️

providing reactions to the outside even when he normally wouldn't because he knows it's expected of him ✅️ (jet incident)

The way I read it is that he's just the type of person to show a lot less than what's going on below the surface, which unfortunately a lot of people read to be a lack of care or thought. And logically I understand how that happens (what people don't see don't know etc.) but being misinterpreted because of that sucks big time.

Oscar has said before (in what I suspect is the same interview you referenced about him moving to the UK) that he has a tendency to overthink, and at least to my ears the whole "extreme emotions are like negative emotions" sounds a whole lot like "I get overwhelmed by my own brain sometimes" (which might be just me projecting but that's basically this entire essay so fuck it we ball.)

I honestly am so glad that, despite his rocky start, Oscar has become one of the most widely beloved drivers on the grid, both driver ability and personality wise. A lot which is IMO also thanks to Lando's PR handholding and general openness to Oscar as a person. And obviously because of the people in the paddock also welcoming him.

the rest of this is like, less related to the main point I wanted to explore and more a general Landoscar overview so under a cut it goes

I think a lot of people gravitate towards Landoscar because of just how much more, like, comfortable it is compared to ex: Lando's other bromances.

I think that that is in a huge part due to Oscar just being Like That. I highly doubt he could do fake PR (like. properly) even if he wanted to. And Lando just accepting that and clearly being (more than!) comfortable with it, as well as appreciating what Oscar DOES give in terms of affection instead of looking for specific signs and getting upset when he doesn't find them (which again speaks to Lando's emotional intelligence btw. Along with how he's so naturally able to adapt to his teammates' energy) is so so sweet and important.

To people who are looking for that sort of relationship, whether it be romantic or not, that amount of natural, unforced chemistry is MASSIVELY comforting to see. I think that appeals to a large part ND or generally introverted/shy/underappreciated people who need to be accepted in order to really develop as people (much to the pattern of Carlos taking Lando under his wing actually.)

And the way Landoscar “do PR” (if you can even call it that lmao) is so so obviously not faked. Again this has been said about 10 million times but they don't do any of that loud over-the-top semi-engineered chemistry you'd see elsewhere, and it makes all their interactions all the more compelling.

I always say that you can put two drivers in a Situation but you can never engineer them having chemistry, but with some teammate relationships it's definitely not 100% natural. EXCEPT for landoscar (obv they do still act different on camera but I think that might actually be to the detriment of their natural dynamic). Like you CANNOT fake the Guess the Lyric video or “osc” or the countless instances of their brains syncing up or just laughing together for no reason other than to laugh together. (In fact when you try to engineer it it fails. It Only happens naturally, which is far more insane.)

And that makes their whole dynamic so much more compelling to me on an emotional level, because all of the things that matter are just real. They couldn't force them to be like that even if they tried. It's just the way they are together, and it's so obviously and unashamedly fond.

I've not been paying attention to F1 for long enough to say something definitive on how their relationship developed over time, but I think even just the way they're handling the whole papaya rules situation is pretty telling. They're so unbearably fond of each other they couldn't (and wouldn't be willing) to fake a rivalry for the sake of a narrative. (Which once again makes me think back to Lando's whole "we're rivals pretending to be besties" comment and just how fucking funny it is because of how obviously untrue it is.)

hiii inch!

as the resident landoscar scholar/essayist in the community, i'm curious about your take on their debriefs! ps. i love them both equally so i'm not trying to favor one over the other, just genuinely curious about your thoughts on it :)

it definitely could just be them having different styles of communicating and/or explaining things but i've noticed that whenever lando wins, he always shares his gratitude/appreciation for the team and oscar (even when oscar didn't directly 'help' him) and oscar will give lando credit for winning but then just talk about how bad he did in the race

yet whenever oscar wins, not only does lando hype him up, but he doesn't talk about himself in the debrief & oscar (at least not to my knowledge) has yet to thank/acknowledge lando for contributing to his win (& strangely enough has always thanked sponsors instead??)

so yeah, i hope this isn't too ramble-y & i hope you have a great day! <33

your timing is insane anon bc while scholar and essayist are wayyyy too nice ways to describe me being overly consumed w a hyperfixation, I was actually noticing things similar to your ask in comments sections and had written something that I wasn't sure about posting ! but I think it's worth it simply bc there is such a huge misfire with interpreting Oscar going on - totally not saying you are, anon and you were very clear in what you've said and I rly appreciate you wanting to know my take <3

- first thing to dispel is “Lando thanked Oscar for his first win/for helping make his first win happen” - he didn't! he thanked him for showing what the car was capable of with overtakes. I know I know! reality isn’t as bromancey but the sweetness of it was Lando giving Oscar’s drive a little shout out, but it was not him thanking Oscar for helping with his win. that's why they all chuckled when he stated the reason. and the sweetness remains <3<3 gotta clear that up bc there is no lingering double standard going on there. it’s the same as Oscar praising Lando’s drives. (also, apropos of this ask and ppl seeing Oscar as deficient - contrast that with how Oscar did very deliberately thank Lando for welcoming him to the team!)

- the other thing to dispel is the recency bias of thinking Lando praises and mentions Oscar this much on a regular basis/Oscar doesn’t mention Lando at all (anon, I know you’re not saying that btw). now! reality is that Lando's POV =/= his stans' POV. so from his perspective, as of recently he feels a need to assert himself to the media as a team player and to acknowledge Oscar more and make it known that he acknowledges Oscar helping him in similar ways. I’m not even going to dip a little toe into the reasons why, all that matters is that this is what Lando sees as something he needs to do and say right now especially. plenty of team orders instances and races have gone by where Lando doesn’t mention or acknowledge Oscar or Oscar’s help and plenty of times where Oscar has been the one to bring up and praise Lando where Lando hasn’t etc etc.

to the point where !! last season we had people concerned that Oscar was so Lando-centric and mentioned him so much and was such a great team player with team orders and being happy and supportive for Lando’s successes even when his own race was misery or the result was gutting or he just lost out on a podium - but that Lando wasn’t bringing Oscar up at all or acknowledging Oscar’s races. the turntables etc! literally had the flip situation! (even extending to this season in Melbourne where Lando got so wrapped up in his Quadrant filming and podium he kind of forgot it was Oscar’s literal hometown race salfsafjlah in the post race press conf a journalist brought it up and he was like ‘oh’ - like, Oscar was not upset about that he just wanted a podium!)

and guess what - in both cases it was never a problem for either Lando or Oscar!

seriously, I cannot emphasize enough how much what teammates like Lando and Oscar say to the media and fans is for the media and fans and NOT how they actually communicate to each other as people. Charles and Carlos openly admit they’ll bite chunks out of each other at times in media but then they see each other in person, immediately hug and are totally fine. PR is PR. it’s either not reality or at best it’s a publicly-framed version of it. which leads to…

- Lando and Oscar don’t do the PR or the bromance thing. instead they giggle and side-eye their way through having to do scripted stuff and media interviews, and thankfully their occasional shared-brain thing and contrasting personalities are fun enough for most fans to enjoy. and literally the fact that they beam into each other’s faces Like That and it’s incredibly endearing. which is exactly how they handle these post race videos - trust me, they are not sitting there in media talking the same way they do in their little closed off world of just their drivers rooms and no one else. or even when cameras are off and they’re just around the team or other drivers. equally, they aren’t viewing how they talk about each other to media and fans as relevant. it’s solely how they talk to each other.

- Oscar is an acts of service guy; Lando is a words of affirmation guy. as Lando fandom has so much discussion around mental health*, it is very worth reminding that mental health inclusivity means learning the different ways that different personalities express affection and friendship! there is not just one way! clearly, Lando is very happy with having a teammate who may not talk much but his fondness of Lando makes up multiple compilation videos and posts about being absolutely whipped when it comes to … almost anything Lando wants or prefers (“nope, I’m gonna keep you happy”). and paying such close attention to Lando talking that he helps fill in the blanks when Lando’s brain struggles in public. and watching closely when Lando looked like he might trip over his own race suit. 

- it’s worth mentioning here that Oscar inspires genuine affection in people who gain absolutely nothing from openly liking him. he maintains friendships from his early karting days, still has a group chat from the boys in his boarding house at school, and has been with Lily for 4 or 5 years now - but all of those people either have private social media or have remained so thoroughly normal that they’re undetectable. Tom Stallard, his race engineer, and Andrea Stella have taken to Oscar like a nephew/son despite Oscar not being a demonstratively emotional person (and how for himself he views extreme emotions on par with negative emotions which is innnnteresting!). bear in mind that Andrea and Tom remain very fond of Carlos and count him as a friend still, so their judgment is very much to be trusted <3 if you look up Oscar’s mum Nicole’s episode on The Red Flags Pod she confirms that he’s truly Just Like That and his family adore him. there’s also this tiny but very telling moment of Oscar sending a journalist gifts for their new baby and the fact that The Fast and the Curious Pod (wholesome nerds HQ) view Oscar as their child. and that Abbi Pulling thinks he’s “too nice to be a racing driver”. it’s healthy to learn how to receive love and affection from people based on how they are naturally and comfortably rather than expecting them to behave in ways that are more socially the norm/seen as "acceptable"! 

*and side note it’s extremely gross and anti-mental health the way certain F1 fans have genuinely decided to interpret Oscar’s personality type as evil or cold or unfeeling. that is so profoundly backward and bigoted boomery thinking. yes it’s fine to joke a bit that Oscar’s a baby-face killer or robotic IF you make it clear it’s not true. but when I get sent links to adult women on tiktok claiming that Oscar’s mother and sister are part of some grand PR scheme orchestrated by McLaren to manipulate and maximize Oscar’s image then we’ve officially left the whole ‘I support mental health’ thing and entered ‘I persecute and suspect people who don’t fit a socially acceptable norm’. because of all the drivers who quite literally do orchestrate and manipulate PR for growing their careers or their impact (which is fine btw!!) sorry, Nicole’s sporadic social media presence is not remotely skillful PR and Oscar’s little sister is a college girl using tiktok to talk about her own interests. and if Oscar was trying to PR his way into whatever gain people imagine an introvert who dislikes being on camera could possibly gain then he’s doing an abominable job! his sponsors are still the ones he’s had since before F1 (including his dad’s company), his social media is as standard and bland with highly irregular sprinklings of personality, and he isn’t branching out into anything outside his racing career. like, sorry to destroy anyone’s insane projections of some grand plan onto a guy who truly is just happy to have his job and hang out with his friends and his girlfriend lasfgljsagfjlagfslagfsaj

so anyway, when Lando and McLaren team and staff members love on Oscar, it’s because it’s real and they clearly feel reciprocation from Oscar despite it not being traditionally emotional or verbal. plenty of teams and teammates can be neutral to fully disinterested in a driver and it's fine for it to be like that. if nobody actually liked Oscar or found him cold or unfeeling, they would make little to no effort to seem like they love him or like him. F1 isn't team sports, the whole public face of it aspect just doesn't exist outside of backmarker teams who need social media engagement to keep sponsors happy.

- Oscar is famously Not ! a public speaking/on camera/PR/media person and you can see in their early 2023 stuff how much Lando helps him (this video esp is painfully cute bc Lando encourages and praises him and Oscar’s so pleased he does a song and dance). ask any longtime Oscar fan and they’ll tell you he’s leaned on the energy of extroverts and PR skilled people his whole racing career. and no, he really does not try to be a meme that's just what happens to awkward introverted ppl who have to be on camera a lot ;__;

- Lando used to be just as uncomfortable as Oscar with this stuff! and he’s said many times he has learned and adapted to be better at public speaking and media work, just as Oscar is learning! Carlos basically socialized and raised Lando from shy, twitchy mumbly little introvert to the person he became around 2021/2022. and we all observed how Lando basically copied Carlos and Daniel’s sense of humor to develop the bromance content we all know and love. and he does the same with Max F on streams as well. I wish I could find it but he said in one of the early winter break 2023 streams how he ‘usually lets other people do most of the talking and he interjects occasionally’.

-re the “thanking the sponsors” thing: to help Oscar get by on camera, especially with spontaneous speaking, Oscar uses little ‘scripts’ he’s worked out and approved of ahead of time so that he doesn’t have to deal with the white noise that hits him when having to speak spontaneously (the famous little ahhhh’s and uhhhhm’s and long delays he has before answering). which is why things like thanking the sponsors has been in rotation lately since it’s something Andrea said (remember him being teased for saying 'we're in Austria' x 50? and repeating the bit about his wisdom teeth? and the refrain of ‘my girlfriend says…’) because he’s just trying to get out something he knows is acceptable and palatable. compare the stiffness of his post race videos with when he’s one on one with an interviewer (the Laura Winter one is great) or filming non-scripted stuff w Lando and you can see the difference between him feeling under pressure vs how he expresses himself when he’s relaxed. 

- it’s genuinely weird and adorable how Oscar doesn’t use gushy language or do PDA with Lily or Lando, but in exactly the same way with both he loves bringing up their little quirks or what they disagree with him about or things they like that he doesn’t etc ??? idk if they’re secretly very similar or what but for some reason Oscar shows his affection for them only occasionally in plain terms, but mostly by bringing them up seemingly for no reason and in extremely mundane ways ?? idk it’s just a very very cute observation I wanted to point out and he doesn’t do that with any other people aslfgsljagfafgl

so yes, those are the Things To Know about Oscar and his relationship with other people and with Lando to explain why he isn’t like Lando, Carlos, or Daniel. and that whether or not Lando or Oscar bring each other up or acknowledge each other in media duties is not something to get stuck on because that’s not something they personally pay attention to in their relationship. we got used to a specific almost identical type of teammate relationship with Lando’s previous two - and even other teammates who are less close all follow a similar pattern of humor and media friendly behavior. but Oscar is weird, Lando is weird and just adapts better, and they’re both very weird together. they can mindread when not under pressure and they obsess over details about each other’s food and choices etc and go off on bizarre tangents about naps and music and they don’t like posting content about their downtime together/purely social hanging out. oh and they openly complain that they want to spend more non-racing time together as if they couldn’t just… do it more ?? yea they’re just like that.

somehow I have more to say but it’s mostly observations so under a cut it goes (but the stuff above is basically the main points I wanted to make!)

a lot of misconceptions have happened both because Lando's grown and changed so much since the start of 2023 and because Oscar's real personality is so slow to be revealed... and tbh it's def yet to be understood fully by a lot of people…

Lando very openly kicked against the idea of being the older/more experienced big brother role widely expected of him when Oscar was announced for Mclaren (to this day he jokingly but semi seriously says he envies Oscar’s “youth”). Lando had spent the previous four years as little brother and gotten very comfortable in that role. around Austin 2023, he realized Oscar was happy to look after himself and didn't need serious help with anything except media/PR/public speaking. this is where Lando found his big brother role and ran with it happily. it’s where the Finish the Lyrics video happened and we saw a major shift in the landoscar dynamic.

take Lando’s initial insecurity trying to figure out the dynamic with a quiet, low energy rookie and contrast that with how someone five years behind in experience to their teammate is NOT as secure of his position** and has much more to prove. yes Oscar has a contract but he knows better than anyone !! that those are not set in stone or immutable. he frequently has said - and his mom has said - Lando's place in F1 is already established as a front-runner. therefore Oscar's job is to push himself and prove himself to that level.

all of which is why you can’t look at Lando and Oscar in media - or even on track - and mistake their closeness in age for being able to judge them similarly. 

**the refrain of 'why can't he be a support driver until Lando gets a WDC' is easy to answer: for one thing absolutely NO driver wants that and for another, he very understandably does not assume he has the space or stability to just not try his hardest unless specifically asked by the team. 

without opening a can of worms on my personal opinions, I’ve consulted my family/friends of family who have been F1 obsessed since I was born - and the reality of guys who are seen or who actually are ‘support driver’ (not rly an official term but we all know what it is) is NOT the same as a number 2 driver, and neither of those are even options for Oscar. 

a number 2 is a driver seen as having become relatively disposable compared to the number 1 and who just wants to keep a seat in F1 despite the insult. they will at least tacitly accept that their role is to follow team orders and suck it up while number 1 chases the glory (whether that’s points or podiums). a number 2 has a limited life span either because his skill drops off and he becomes a liability or because he can’t stand it after a while.

a support driver is someone who either brings money/sponsorships/a unique regional fanbase and can occasionally or at least theoretically compete with their teammate. and who for whatever reason is judged as the guy who has to suck it up when the other guy has a better shot at the glory. but if the other guy falls behind or suffers a DNF, the support driver is automatically the number one. and if the support driver has a shitty season or the gap in ability widens between him and his teammate, he retains his seat anyway because of the money/sponsorships/unique regional fanbase he brings. so basically, he’s pretty damn safe.

Oscar does not bring money, sponsorships or a unique regional fanbase. Australia doesn’t need convincing to be invested in F1, Oscar’s sponsorships are peanuts compared to what sponsor-grabber Zak Brown already has and Oscar’s funding ran out before F1 and his career only continued because of Mark Webber taking an interest in him (for more on that, see K’s excellent primer - you can scroll down to the screencap of a sheet with a lot of numbers on it for that particular part). and despite insane conspiracy theories about him, Oscar’s PR and image not only don’t have anywhere near the numbers of many other drivers, he also had to recover from the immensely bad PR following Alpinegate. he had most fans of McLaren, Alpine, Danny Ric and Lando (as the prospective teammate) all hating his guts before he’d even stepped into his first papaya race suit. all he’s had getting him past all of that was his promise from F2 and F3 and then his improvement as a driver.

so that’s being support driver out of the question.

and also referencing Mark Webber, without leaning too cornily into the obvious like… no, Oscar’s not going to be the one F1 driver to be okay with the idea of being a number 2. his own mother said how he viewed potentially having Lando as a teammate as advantageous for a rookie because he wouldn’t be expected to match up immediately. the flipside of that is what he’s had to achieve and become immediately after his rookie year in order to be seen as around Lando’s level. his job is to prove to McLaren and to his race team that he's going to try and bring them the best result on every outing. if mathematically that means team orders in favor of Lando then fine, which he's more than proven he'll do. but without said orders, Oscar's job remains to try and get at the very front - just like it is Lando's. there isn't an option or a reason for Oscar to just... intentionally fail or ease off that responsibility (again, unless ordered to).

so that's a no go for being a number 2 driver.

and some more about Oscar and mental health for those who think it only applies to drivers who talk about it frequently: Oscar has talked about how, when his dad came with him to the UK, initially Oscar felt he had "too much time to think". and about his difficulties in moving all alone to boarding school (“sacrificing” being with his family) on the other side of the world at fourteen. I cannot for the life of me find the post again but he even hired a sports psychologist to help him. he’s always been called mature and competent for his age and he and Lily seemed to just go right into domestic almost-married codependency after about two years together. there’s a whole school of thought about children who leave home early and parentification and boarding school syndrome etc but that’s getting way too speculative for even me to go into. but basically, Oscar leapt into a lot of unknowns without a lot of the usual safety nets drivers have/have had. he's had to be self-reliant in a way that's not common among the extreme privilege of the average F1 driver and for those who have it similar to him, they have a similar outlook and approach***. so to mistake his confidence and determination for cockiness or coldness is as wildly off as people misinterpreting Lando’s genuine honesty for him being a cocky asshole. overall, Oscar’s self-assurance and maturity are why he’s continued and succeeded in such a volatile sport and pipedream career because compared to a lot of other drivers on the grid, he has not had a smooth or assured journey.

***obv in reality, apart from Ocon and Hamilton, we're always talking about very relative disadvantages. but Oscar is absolutely in the class of drivers who have to live far away from a family support system and who financially were not guaranteed career progression.

by contrast, Lando was a totally unique phenom and had big, welcoming hands grab him as a teenager and bring him into the McLaren and F1 fold. pundits and cameras and fans all saw him bringing drinks to Alonso and toddling around being helpful in the garage before his time with the team had even come. by the time he drove his first F1 race he was already everyone's beloved baby and Carlos basically got a crash course in parenting as he took full responsibility for socializing Lando and even having to cope with his teenage mood swings. Lando also had a comparatively gentle learning curve by dint of being so immensely talented and exceeding expectation for his age - but also always having older, more experienced teammates as his nearest competition. I will say he made sure to state he didn't want people to give him bias simply because his teammates had such an advantage of experience - and that he personally judged himself equally against them (to his detriment of confidence sometimes!). but it's only logical that people would factor in the age gaps anyway. by the time he'd entered his third year in F1 he was firmly established, had one of the largest fanbases and McLaren couldn't have made it clearer how badly they wanted to keep him from the clutches of other teams.

again - very much NOT saying that Lando doesn't feel the need or pressure to keep proving himself because he absolutely does, but it's still a VERY unique and unusual first few years in F1 !! 

Oscar had a very different experience of not knowing if he could progress after winning F2, having to hang around in reserve and then show up at McLaren without much fanfare (except the unanimous walls of hate from Danny Ric fans, Alpine fans and McLaren fans) and work from the backmarkers up with the team to prove himself - all while those months before the upgrades were spent with fans united in wanting him to fail and celebrating his difficulties.

so yea, all even more worth bearing in mind when it comes to how Lando takes the approach of speaking about Oscar and the team from a proprietary sense of pride - versus Oscar still focusing on his own races because it’s normal for young drivers early in their careers to be more focused on proving themselves and asserting themselves in order to become established in the way Lando is now. they seem so similar in so many ways but when it comes to their positions in the team and in the sport, it’s well worth remembering that big gap exists and why it makes them different sometimes - but that crucially, they end those post race videos united either in misery or in happiness and pride <3

I AM SO SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO READ THIS FAR GOD I WON’T SHUT UPPPP

[theygender]

Looking up meal plans to help me gain my weight back because "eat everything in sight and also add daily protein shakes/bars" is working about as well as it has for the past 10 years of my life (not at all) and so far the most helpful looking site I've found is one called The Geriatric Dietician agdjsdjdh

[foodcourtdetective]

Sleeping with Other People AU: Chapter One: First Time

summary: Dr. Spencer Reid runs into his first time Y/N after a car chase gone bad. They decide not to complicate their friendship by not sleeping together, but it proves to be harder than they think as they slowly fall terribly in love with each other. 

tags: sleeping with other people au, first time, virgin!spencer reid, slow burn, college!spencer reid but only in chapter 1, friends to lovers, TENSION, sexual themes, commitment issues, brief mention of cannibalism but it’s praying mantises calm down armie hammer

A/N: I have 12 parts planned out so please don’t let this flop girlies and non-binary buddies

word count 1.8k

AO3 x

May 13, 1999. Spencer Reid would not attempt to remember a day as unremarkable as this one. Sure, Mozart's first opera premiered, and the Bezalel Art School opened on the other May 13ths of history. But this particular date was in the midst of his finals. He was trying to work through a particularly difficult physics calculation when suddenly—

"HEYYYYYYYY!!! SOBEVICH??? YOU HERE, BUD???" The banging on his door, paired with an intoxicated feminine screeching, was incessant. Reid scoffed, maintaining focus on the task at hand. If you divide x by—

"MATTTTTHEEWWWW??!! COME GET Y'ALL'S JUICE!!" In response, he slammed the pencil down. A little shouting and banging wouldn't typically break his concentration that quickly. However, certain variables (a lack of sleep, other commotion in the dorms prior, not to mention a certain someone not responding to his AOL messages for over 48 hours) had brought him to the edge faster than a cliff diver. Rolling up the sleeves of his sweater and pushing up his glasses on the bridge of his nose, Reid stormed up to his door and yanked it open.

"Heyyyyy wait a second... youuuuuu aren't Matty boyyyyy!" The nuisance in question wasn't his type at all. Her hair was too black and choppy, her eyes too dark with liner smudged everywhere, and her skirt was basically a napkin over her lap that highlighted her purple panties that were visible to anyone with eyes. Her painted lips twisted into a pout as she looked him up in down with interest. Before he could speak, RA Gideon turned the corner of the hallway and, spotting his target, picked up his pace.

"YOU! Young lady, you're not supposed to enter a dorm without getting signed in!" The girl snapped her gaze away from Reid to roll her eyes and drunkenly face the RA.

"I'm heeere! Can't someone else sign in for me?? I'm waiting for a friennnnd!" Gideon's face darkened with barely veiled annoyance, looking over to Reid.

"Is this girl bothering you? I can call campus police to escort her—"

"N-no! It's fine! She's here to see my roommate Matthew." Reid grabbed the clipboard out and scribbled down the details, looking frantically at the girl for her name.

"Y/N L/N aaaand NERDDD BOY are besties!!" She slurred in response. Gideon huffed as he scanned Reid's face carefully.

"Are you sure, Reid? She's your responsibility if anything happens." The student nodded once in reply, muttering thanks as he handed over the clipboard. Taking Y/N by the wrist, Reid pulled her into his room. He shut the door behind them with urgency but was careful not to slam it. Y/N scratched her bare knee lethargically, accidentally flashing him further.

"Alllrighty, here you look a little cold," he squeaked, awkwardly averting his eyes and turning his attention to his dresser to grab her a Cal Tech sweater his mom made him before she had to leave home. Y/N stumbled, leaning on the bed for stability as she took her heels off. As she did so, she took notice of the two beds pushed together.

"Does Matty even live here?? The beds are holding hands?" Reid managed a pitiful laugh as he tossed her the sweater. Pulling a face, she pulled it on. He gulped, noticing the hem barely skimmed her thighs. At least the purple is put away. Realizing he had caused a long pause in the terrible attempt at conversation, Reid quickly looked away from Y/N again.

"N-no, he lives with his boyfriend at Baker." Y/N's eyes widened, her lip trembling a little bit in shock as she hugged herself with the too-big sleeves.

"Dammmn, I shoulda known a brainiac like that was a bisexual. Didn't peg him for playing so hard to get otherwise."

"Did he try to flirt with you? Because he's basically married to Adam and not to mention the stereotype of bisexuals cheating-"

"is inaccurate and offensive blah blah blah I know, I am one... Nah, I was just hoping that being more forward would seal the deal! But I would never purposefully try to hook up with someone taken... and you're no longer listening to me," Y/N cut off her rambling as he had gravitated helplessly towards his brick of a computer with a glowing screen. He chewed on his lip thoughtlessly, only looking up when he felt Y/N's exasperated gaze on him.

"Sorry, I-I've been waiting for a message..." Y/N scuffled over beside him, her bare feet sticking slightly to the wood floor. Reid winced as she leaned across him to rest her hands beside the keyboard. He tried to move out of her way, but she ended up with her back pressed against him. Don't be embarrassing. Digits of Pi GO! 3.1415926—

"Oh, I know Jennifer! We went to East Allegheny. Fucking smoke show, but she has this praying mantis vibe," she said matter of factly. Reid's mouth gaped open and closed.

"A-what vibe?"

"You know... how they fuck! With the—"

"Female praying mantis engaging in cannibalistic mating behavior, biting off the head or legs of her mate and eating them. I've heard of it, but you should know that that behavior occurs in less than 30 percent of all mating sessions in the wild." As Reid rattled on, he slowly became aware of her piercing eyes on him and the warmth of her back. He sucked in a breath, cutting himself off from going further.

"Wow! Guess you weren't really studying! I'm sorry I interrupted your terrible Thursday evening," she quipped, gesturing to the now-abandoned physics equation. He hurried to close the notebook, tucking it away in his desk as he began to sweat.

"Oh, that! That wasn't studying! I was calculating to calm down." Reid somehow didn't expect the not-unfriendly laugh to erupt in front of him. She bent down to brace herself on her upper thighs as she guffawed, unintentionally pulling the sweater up from the back. Without thinking, he pulled it down for her dignity, but she grabbed his wrist tightly as he completed the action and locked eyes with him.

"What are you, a physicist?" She asked playfully. He gulped again as Y/N watched the movement of his prominent Adam's apple.

"N-not really. I'm working on my chemistry and mathematics masters right now, but I finished my physics MA last semester." She whistled in response, impressed.

"They LET you have that many?? Wait..." Her heated eye contact wavered, flicking up and down his body.

"There's no way! You're only like sixteen!"

"I'm EIGHT-teen! And yeah, I signed a waiver saying that MIT is not responsible for any poor grades or drops in my mental state," he winced as his voice cracked on his age.

"Guess what they say about MIT being smarted than BU kids is right! My med-track major could never be as flexible as yours, virgin," Y/N quipped, cheekily checking out the dark flush of crimson on his cheeks as he pulled away from her grip, facing the wall in frustration of two different types.

"WH-WHY! Why would you-"

"Spence, you're waiting by the computer for a direct message!" Reid sputtered in response, the nickname he had signed off as in her mouth sounded both so wrong and so right as he adjusted his stance to hide an unfortunate situation going on downstairs. Y/N rolled her eyes again as Reid suddenly realized that he loved the color of her eyes more than any color he had ever seen in his life, including Jennifer's. After a long, not uncomfortable, silence, Y/N made a step toward him, suddenly hesitant.

"Don't get your sweater all wrinkled! I'm a virgin too. That's why I came— you better fix that expression on your face, kid!" Reid realized that his shock had painted his face too clearly, flapping his hands frantically as he watched her face drop. The visible vulnerability struck a nerve within him; he didn't know if it was good or bad. As she turned back to the computer, he touched her shoulder in an attempt to get her to look at him.

"NO! No! Not in a bad way! Just individuals who are sexually confident in their self-image with a certain presentation tend to have already completed the act!" Y/N scoffed, rolling her shoulder to get away as if it burned her.

"PLEASE! Now who's engaging in the stereotypes, genius?"

"I'm sorry! You're just too beaut-attract-hot..." Reid kept cutting himself off in an attempt to quantify her looks properly. Y/N chuckled to herself, charmed as she finally looked to watch him fluster himself to try to rectify the insult.

"It's okay... You don't have to say anything. I mean, I couldn't even get Matthew fucking Sobevich to fuck me. As the guest TA, he managed to make four of my classmates pass out within the hour." She cast her eyes downward, fiddling with the loose string on the sweater near the sleeve. Reid swallowed, stepping closer to her. He bent his knees, basically in a squat, to try to get eye contact.

"You deserve better than Matt. I mean, look at you!" He gestured awkwardly at her whole body before framing her face with his fingertips. Y/N finally looked at him, the inner workings of her thoughts almost visible in her eyes as she straightened her gaze to bring him standing up. She cautiously brought her hand up to his chest, right over his heart.

"Well, if you want to date someone like JJ... you might want some experience... We could-- let's get it out of the way!" Y/N carefully explained her idea, her fingers walking up to brush against his Adam's apple. Reid shivered, pulling away to retreat toward his bed, almost involuntarily giving in to her plan.

"I-this was all supposed to be very romantic!! And-and now you've gone and just fucked it up!!" He squealed, watching as Y/N crossed her arms to take off his sweater from the bottom. She came over to sit on the bed, thoughtfully taking a second to let him gather himself before curling her index finger under his chin to get him to look at her.

"You are going to drive some girl crazy someday. With your long, Kurt Cobain hair and that infuriating mouth of yours," Y/N whispered sincerely, moving her finger to trace up his jaw and to hook under his glasses. Reid's breathing hitched, but he kept his gaze on her as she pulled his glasses off and gently put them on the nightstand.

"Say the word, and I'll stop. Say you don't want this, and we won't," Y/N continued, her other hand shaking on his knee as she inched closer to him. As she closed her eyes, Reid closed the gap between them, the hiss of heavy breathing from his nose the only noise in the room. She responded immediately, wrapping her fingers in his hair as they fell against the bed. Suddenly, May 13, 1999, wasn't so unremarkable after all.

[the-ghost-and-the-writer]

NSFW Alphabet-Wade Wilson

The boy! I love him. He’s perfect and he’s slightly messed up but I love him for it

18+ F!Reader

Actually his reaction to this probably

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’ll take a moment to silently (for once) admire you until you say something and then he’ll grin and say some out there comment that turns into a lewd ramble about what you’d just done

At first he was apprehensive to cuddle unless he was dressed in at least a shirt so you wouldn’t have to feel his scorched body, but with your gentle reassurances he’s more open to a near-instant snuggle session

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

With you, everywhere. Every part of you is amazing and gorgeous to him and he has to really wonder why someone as beautiful as you would want a guy like him, with a face like spoilt lasagne

Evidently, it took some time to convince him that any part of him was worth a second thought. He’s getting more used to being secure with himself but doesn’t particularly have a favourite just yet

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

If you’ll let him, he adores the sight of his cum on your stomach or your face. It’s a special type of dirty for him, especially when you’d run a finger through the mess and lick it off

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Wade has very few secrets, dirty or otherwise, and he will gladly share any thought at all that he has at the slightest provocation

However, since his mutation kicked in and his pain tolerance went up almost as much as his healing factor, he’s been quite tempted to try a bit more kinky stuff. More risky, harsh things

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He is quite experienced, with many different types of people all across the gender spectrum in all sorts of situations. That doesn’t make him any less excited about being with you any way you’d like it, of course.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

While of course he’ll never say no to missionary or simply bending you over a table or the couch or a counter (the classics are classics for a reason), he does have a preference for the more challenging positions, more for bragging rights

Any possible way the two of you can bend yourselves without causing injury, he’ll try to somehow turn it to sex...which does sometimes cause some injury.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He’s never 100% serious, that’s not possible for Wade. There’s bound to be a few one-liners or sarcastic quips or comments to a person who isn’t there, but he won’t go too far with them in certain situations

Light-hearted is his favourite tone for sex anyway, since not only does he love to make you smile and laugh at any chance he can, but he’s slightly worried that having it be too serious will put him in his own head too much and he’ll get self-conscious

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

There really is none, since the experimentation

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Wade has a special idea of romance. A mix of overly cheesy and completely pornographic.

He’ll fuck all levels of coherency and possible movement out of you, in a candlelit room on a bed covered in rose petals and filled with gentle music. Or he’ll take you to a beautiful wood cabin out in the middle of nowhere and rut you into the ground in front of the most picturesque view you could ever ask for.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Any moment he needs to, he’ll masturbate, regardless of if you’re going to get down to It or not.

He also uses it as a build-up to the main event and keeps him ready for you while he’s waiting for you. Sometimes he’ll try to entice you into sex by showing you just how desperate he is for you by touching himself and whining for your attention

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

The Merc with a mouth is also the Merc with a multitude of kinks. Evidently. His more noticeable ones are post-fight sex, mutual masturbation, and having you touch him

Post-Fight; Not make up sex, though damn he loves that as well, but coming back to you from a fight or freshly killing a guy that probably deserved it. If it went good or bad, it doesn’t matter to him because either way he wants you in any room and any position that’s quickest so he can get all adrenaline out while simultaneously celebrating that he has you still

Mutual Masturbation; Watching you do almost anything can rile Wade up, and he’ll never have enough of seeing you naked so watching you touch yourself is enough to fry his brain. And that’s not even taking in the fact that you’d touch yourself at the sight of him. You getting off on him getting off makes it feel so much better than just jerking off

Touch; A majority of the physical contact he gets is either fleeting or violent, so he loves when you take the time to check over him after a fight despite his healing factor or you insist on smothering him in kisses when he’s down. For a minute, it helps him forget his situation and his insecurities and makes him only want you for as long as he can

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere he can have you, most of the time. The X-mansion, Blind Al’s place, your shared place, the back room or a quiet corner booth of Sister Margret’s. He’s even brought you on a few missions where you end up having a risky fuck in a dangerous back-alley

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Just you. Having you around, and you wanting him, and you being there for him is enough

Of course, the adrenaline of a fight gets him riled up just as much though more noticeably

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hurting you to severely is a definite no-go for him, as it anything too reminiscent of what he went through with Francis

Otherwise, any non-con roleplay and toilet stuff is also off limits

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Though he is by no means selfish, he does prefer receiving over giving. Having you so willing to get him off in such a way only enhances how good it feels. He always wants to finish in your mouth and he’ll sometimes ask you to beg him for it

He’ll eagerly return the favour whenever you want him to, or for any little excuse. He’s good at it as well, he can have you on the edge in record time and he always seems to relish that knowledge

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He almost always goes quite slow, to make sure he can fuck you deeper or rougher and really pick you apart. Even when you might get caught, he rarely goes faster than his usual pace

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Quickies are almost as good as proper sex to him. Sometimes better but it depends on the occurrence. Any possible moment, he’s offering to take you aside for a bit of ‘tension relief’ regardless of how many times you’ve already had sex that day

Even if it’s totally the wrong time, or there’s no semi-private place, he’ll still offer

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s down for trying almost everything and he’ll approach every new experience with the same enthusiasm each time

Evidently, he won’t push you to take any risks that you aren’t certain about, but he will try to encourage you in his usual way

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Since the Incident with Francis, his stamina in all ways has improved

He’s borderline insatiable, able to easily go for four rounds before he’s spent, and with that he could keep you up almost all night

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He owns a few, a small collection, or a couple vibrators and dildoes as well as one or two masturbation toys. There is a strap-on hidden somewhere, half forgotten

All the toys are tried and tested, he is very willing to use each one on himself or have you use them in any way

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Wade teases, mostly, by giving you almost enough but not quite to  make you whine and beg

Other times, it’s the typical denial and delay teasing also but only when he’s feeling more playful

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He is unashamed with his moans and whines, any little noise that wants to get out, and can be loud but he can’t see the issue

However, when there are complaints, he can get obnoxiously louder out of spite.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Because of his situation, his insecurities, he gets quite easily jealous over any possible sexual interest you could show to anyone else. He trusts you implicitly, he just thinks that he isn’t the most physically appealing person

To take that jealousy out of his system, he makes you cum in the nearest possibly-private place he can, hoping that whoever it is that is causing the jealousy might come by and see that they have no chance

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

As almost everyone who knows him will know, he’s got a pretty big dick. While they know from his bragging and overly descriptive recollections of nights or even hours before, you know from the ache that lasts for hours after sex

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Wade is always down for sex. He’s insatiable, having gotten you both in trouble multiple times for sneaking away to fuck when you should be focusing on something else

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

When you’re both settled down in bed, he’ll make a point of staying awake after you’ve fallen asleep so he can be more obviously worriedly-overjoyed that he has you in his life and his bed and his heart

Give me requests or give me death. If you want the notifications for when I rise from the dead again, then the tag list is always open.

[miracle-sham]

Plan D for Dicey.

| {MaribatMarch2020 – Week 1, Day 6: Unconventional Weapon} |

| [Ao3 Link] | | [Masterlist Link] |

| Triggers/Warnings: D&D typical Violence, kidnapping/imprisoning of Player Characters, Explicit Language/Swearing, (Also not so much a Trigger/Warning but this a gen/platonic fic). |

| The Wayne (bat)family attempt to play their first streamed session of Warriors and Warlocks. Unpredictably, things go surprisingly well. |

| Word Count: 4323 |

==–==

| A/N: So firstly, I got really carried away writing this so it's being posted a day late. Sorry! But fun fact, this means I'm posting this on my birthday, so wooh! Also if you can't tell yet, I'm a massive D&D geek (been playing for roughly five years now but I still fell like a complete noob whenever I play or DM :P). And DC has its own version of D&D (W&W/Warriors and Warlocks) and upon reading Day 6's prompt, my immediate thought was the improvised weapons mechanic from D&D. Also also, I originally intended for this fic to be MariTim (hence the tags) but I got caught up in all the platonic fun of the family playing D&D I kinda forgot to write in the shippy bits? |

| A/N cont.: Writing this was actually a massive challenge because at the start of this I had absolutely zero idea on how to write a D&D session as a ficlet. So this might be a bit more clunky and unrefined compared to my normal work (or that could just be my self-doubt talking). As I mentioned earlier, I got really carried away writing this because I love D&D so much. I would have written more but this ficlet is long enough and late enough as is. But if I were to continue this ficlet in additional parts, I definitely can already think of so many ways to improve writing this sort of fic (and maybe next time I won't forget to add in shippy stuff). Anyway, thanks to those who read these A/Ns, and I hope you guys enjoy reading this! |

| If you want to be tagged in future oneshots/fics, or a specific Au, then comment or send me a DM/ask! |

| Also side note, Don't Like? Don't Read. Also also, please do not criticise any of my writing. This was written for fun and receiving criticism, even in a compliment/criticism sandwich, is the exact opposite of fun. |

==–==

Marinette, with Tikki on her shoulder, bursts into the Wayne Manor games room, barely able to contain her excitement. As the first in the room, she can't help but glance across the square conference U-table already set up with everyone's character sheets, dice equipment, other equipment, and snacks and drinks. Bounding over to her designated seat (right side, place nearest to the DM's section of the table), she pulls her chair out and sits down.

 The rest of the Wayne (bat)family, including Steph but sans Alfred and Barbara, slowly filter into the room and take their designated seats. Jason takes his seat next to Marinette whilst Dick takes the seat directly opposite. Steph nabs the seat beside Jason, Damian stakes a claim to the seat next to Dick (despite it already being his designated seat), Cass sits down in the seat beside Steph, leaving Bruce to take his seat next to Damian.

 Tim's the last of the family to enter. He slips into his seat, the DM's seat—as he is the most experienced Warriors and Warlocks player at the table—and grins downright ferally at his players.

 He looks up at the cameras and recording equipment that is set up in the middle of the open space in the square U-table. “Hello and welcome to Plan D for Dicey, the first-ever Wayne Family Warriors and Warlocks fifth edition stream. We weren't quite expecting so many people to petition that we stream our sessions after a few people—” Tim fake coughs twice, “—Dick and Marinette—” Tim fake coughs twice again (whilst Marinette and Dick both grin and wave cheerfully at the cameras), “—rambled about their characters and some highlights from previous sessions, on Twitter. So we decided to give this a go and see how the session pans out whilst being streamed. So as a word of warning, prepare yourselves for the Venators, probably one of the most dysfunctional parties in W&W to miraculously band together.”

 As soon as he says this, the rest of the table burst into grins and cheers (excluding Bruce who despite also smiling, looks like he's just aged five years). Marinette's side of the table all high five each other in their excitement.

 Tim pauses for a second. “For anyone unfamiliar with who I am, I'm Tim. And as you can probably tell from the table set up, I'm the Dungeon Master for this campaign. That's because I've been playing W&W for just over five years now and have had experience DMing before. But for the rest of the players here, this is their first campaign and by extension first time playing. So before we begin our session, first let us introduce our players and their characters.” He nods to Marinette's side of the table.

 She immediately slaps her hands on the table, pushes her chair out and stands, she waves at the cameras again. “Hi, I'm Marinette and my character is Nella Septa-Punctata. She's a Protector Aasimar Celestial Pact of the Chain Warlock, and she has a Sprite Familiar called Tikki. Nella's Chaotic Good and a little anxious but she tries her best to be a kind and heroic adventurer.” She then sits back down, scraping her chair back in again.

 Jason raises an eye at Marinette's antics but shrugs. “I'm Jay, I play a Winged Variant Feral Tiefling Gunslinger called Rehodros. He's Chaotic Neutral, verging on Chaotic Evil at times, and he only joined the Venators because they helped save him from backstory related stuff and he ended up getting reluctantly attached to them.”

 Deciding to also stand up from her chair as well as slap the table with both hands, Steph smirks at the cameras. “I'm Stephanie, my character's Speilsol Leyer, and she's a Chaotic Good Variant Human Ancestral Guardian Barbarian with the Tavern Brawler Feat. She lives for beating up bad guys and doing good, even if it goes against the law.”

 Cass decides to take things one step further and moves to sit on the back of the chair, balancing it carefully as to not let herself fall. She waves at the cameras. “Hi, I Cass. Play Balabitara. Neutral Good, Kalashtar Shadow Monk.” She then sits back down on the chair normally.

 With one half of the table introduced, Tim nods towards the other side of the table.

 Dick winks at the cameras, “I'm Dick and I play Niriwyse, a Chaotic Good Eladrin Glamour Bard who's along for the ride and just wants to have a good time.” At that, he wiggles his eyebrows.

 Scoffing, Damian glares at the cameras. “I am Damian and my character is Rokian. He is a Firbolg Circle of the Shepherd Druid and is Lawful Neutral in the sense that he believes the only laws that should be obeyed in the world, are that or the laws of nature. He begrudgingly joined this party of adventurers after they saved an animal friend of his.”

 This leaves Bruce as the only one to have not introduced himself and his character yet. He smiles his Brucie Wayne smile at the cameras. “My name's Brucie and my character is called Chirop. He's a Chaotic Good Bugbear Swashbuckler Rogue. He comes across as very gruff, but he's just a big old teddy bear at heart.”

 Tim coughs under his breath. “Alright, with our introductions over, let's get on with the show.” The lights in the room suddenly dim and turn a dark red shade whilst creepy echoing organ music begins to play from hidden speakers. “Last session, our brave party of seven adventurers were captured by the evil Lich Dreldaz whilst trying to rescue the beautiful princess Theophania—”

 “—Timothea!” Corrects the rest of the table.

 Rolling his eyes, Tim continues. “—from the cursed castle in which she has been trapped in, by Dreldaz.” He pauses, steepling his fingers as the dim red lighting becomes a dark grey shade. “The Venators awaken, only to find themselves shackled to the walls, in individual stone brick cells and stripped of any and all equipment bar the clothes on their backs. From what you all can immediately tell upon waking, these cells are small, cold, dark and dingy. What do you do?”

 The seven players all exchange glances between themselves.

 “I'd like to look around my cell, see if I can find anything or if I can get an idea of what the cellblock we're in looks like?” Jason announces after a few seconds.

 Tim nods. “Roll a perception check, please.”

 Jason narrows his eyes Tim. He reaches towards the red and black dice set beside his character sheet and picks up the D20. He shakes the dice in his hands before rolling it into the dice box. It lands on a 7. “Alright so because I don't have my gear any more, that means I don't have my eyes of the eagle right?”

 “That's right,” Tim responds.

 “Mmk, that's a seven then, plus my perception modifier… Fourteen total.” Jason glances up at Tim once he finishes calculating.

 Humming, Tim glances down at his Mysterious™ DM notes. “With your Darkvision, you manage to make out that there are two small barred windows on the walls adjacent to the wall with the cell door. The door luckily has a barred window in it too, but you're too far away to glean anything from peering at it.”

 Marinette purses her lips and double-checks her character sheet. “Is there anything magical about the darkness in these cells?”

 “Roll an Arcana check to see.” Is Tim's response.

 She reaches over to the pink and gold dice set beside her character sheet and picks up the D20. She shakes the dice in her hands before rolling it into the dice box. The D20 lands on a 16. “Sixteen! Wait, plus my arcana modifier, uh…” She scans her sheet for the relevant modifier, “plus six, so that's uh… oh heck maths, uhh I think that's twenty-two total? Yeah.” She nods to herself at calculating the maths.

 Jason snorts and addresses the cameras. “This is why you should stay in school kids!”

 Huffing, Marinette elbows him in the side. “Fight me!”

 Not evening flinching at the elbowing, Jason pats her on the top of her head. “Friendly fire, Mari! Friendly fire!”

 Tim waits for silence with his best poker face on. “As far as you can tell, there is nothing magical about the darkness!”

 “Really?” She furrows her brows. “Alright then.”

 He smiles in response.

 Dick glances down at his character sheet then up at Tim, he taps his fingers against the table idly as he speaks. “The walls of the cells are stone? So I can use my Cli Lyre to cast Stone Shape and create a hole in the stone where the metal shackles connect, which would free me, right!”

 Clicking his tongue, Tim shakes his head. “Nope, you don't have your Cli Lyre on you right now, so you can't cast any spells from it.”

Cursing under his breath, Dick frantically scans his character sheet for anything. He reaches his spells and freezes and slaps the spell sheet (and by extension, the table). “Ah hah!” He crows, “I will cast Knock on the shackles!”

 Tim raises an eyebrow, then looks down to flip through his spell cheat sheet. “When you cast the spell, it makes a loud knock that's audible for up to three hundred feet. Are you sure you want to cast this?”

 Dick falters and furrows his brow, then glances around the table at the rest of the party. “I think I'll wait and see if anyone else has a way to escape this first? Wait we can all hear each other speaking from our cells, right?”

 “You can indeed.” Tim answers.

 “I got nothin',” Jason admits, putting on his Rehodros voice, which is just his normal voice but deeper and with a raspy—almost hissing—clipped tone.

 Steph, using her Speilsol Leyer voice (which sounds like she's putting on a weak German accent), shrugs. “I could try breaking the shackles? I'm strong enough to do cool things like that?”

  “But that will also be fairly loud.” Bruce points out, speaking with a gruff tone of voice (which is significantly different from his gravelly Batman tone of voice) for Chirop. “If I had my lockpicks, it would be easy to escape stealthily. But without them, I can't see a way for me to get out of these shackles.”

 Damian wrinkles his nose. “I might be able to summon creatures, elementals, or fey but what I get is determined by the DM and may not be entirely helpful. However, I could try wildshaping?”

 Tim smiles cryptically and the lighting behind him changes from dark grey to lime green. “You could.”

 Damian nods. “Alright then, I will use my wildshape ability to transform into a spider.”

The lime green light fades to flickering orange-red light. “As you try to use your druidic abilities to magically assume the shape of a spider, you feel a burning sensation around your wrists, right where the shackles are. You are unable to transform and take…” Tim pauses as he pulls out his black and red dragon dice and rolls a D6 behind the DM screen. “Five points of fire damage.”

 Cursing under his breath in Arabic, Damian glares at Tim. He crosses out his current hp and writes down the new amount.

 Jason taps Marinette on the shoulder. “What about Nells, Mari? She got any tricks up her sleeve to escape?”

 Marinette startles at that, having been chewing her lip and staring intently at her character sheet since her arcana check. She licks her lips then glances up. “I might…”

 She taps a small stat block card with a pencil and turns to Tim with an intense stare. “Is Tikki nearby?”

 At that, Tim grins widely and raises a finger. “That,” He says, flipping through his notes, “is a very good question.”

 “Because on my notes, here it says that last session Tikki was invisible when we all got captured.” Marinette picks up her session notes journal and shows it to him.

 “Would you say Tikki followed after you when you got caught?”

 Marinette tilts her head to the side and Tikki whispers in her ear. Of course, the cameras inability to record kwamis means it just looks like she's thinking instead of listening to a flying red bug deity. “Yep, I would say that. I would also like to telepathically communicate with Tikki and ask if she can come and pick the locks because we gave her a spare Thieves' Tools kit last shopping session in case she needed to pick the locks during an invisible scouting mission!”

 “Indeed you did, so Tikki flies over to your cell and will try to pick the locks on your door first. So roll a d20 and add Tikki's Dex bonus.” He instructs.

 Marinette nods and picks up the dice, cupping her hands underneath it so Tikki can shake then roll it without it looking suspicious on camera. Tikki shakes the dice and drops it as Marinette separates her hands. The dice lands in the box and rolls a 16. “Plus Tikki's Dex mod, that's uh…” She scrambles for the Sprite Familiar statblock card, “Plus four, so dirty twenty!”

 “That's enough to pick the lock. Do you want Tikki to enter the cell and try to pick the lock?” He asks.

 She nods and repeats the roll with Tikki, this time rolling an eleven. “With mods, fifteen.” Tikki then returns to her place on Marinette's shoulder.

 “Tikki barely manages to get the locks open. The shackles open and you land on the cell floor.”

 Marinette punches the air. “Wooh! Freedom!”

 Cass then waves her hand in the air. “Shadowstep out?”

 Tim cocks his head to the side. “As you don't have Darkvision, you can't see outside your cell but you manage to use your shadowstep ability to escape the shackles. Then by peering out the barred window in the door, you manage to shadow step into the cellblock corridor.”

 Marinette and Cass share a high-five.

 “Let's go free everyone else!”

==–==

 It takes them ten minutes to finish freeing everyone else, and start making their way out of the dungeon cell block. The Venators now make their way through the bowels of the castle, searching for the armoury in which all their belongings have been stored.

 “As you push open the grand oak doors, the faint scent of sickly sweet rotting food and fire hits your noses. The doors reveal the next room to be a grand dining room with a long oak table, set as though prepared for a grand feast expecting many a guest. It's adequately lit but the two corners of the room above the door seem to glow with a dim greenish glow.” Tim pauses in his description as lighting changing to a dim greenish light behind him; he rolls a D8 four times (6, 7, 2, 4), behind the DM screen, followed by the rolling of a D20 four times (3, 19, 13, 18).

 “Oh god…” Dick mutters, 

 Jason huffs. “What are you going to torture us with now, oh great DM?”

 Tim smiles cruelly. “Four rays of fire are shot towards the party from somewhere within the dining room. First attack is an eight versus Chirop's AC?”

 Bruce sighs in relief. “That's a miss.”

 Tim continues to smile. “Mmk, the rest of the attacks are, twenty-four versus Balabitara's AC, eighteen versus Niriwyse's AC, and twenty-three verses Rokian's AC. I assume those hit.”

 Damian narrows his eyes at Tim, whilst Dick winces and Cass pouts.

 Tim rolls a D6 nine times, behind the DM screen. “Balabitara takes four points of fire damage, Niriwyse and Rokian both take eight points of fire damage.”

 The three all jot down the damage taken.

 Still smiling, like the truly evil DM that he is, Tim clasps his hands together. “Two skulls, enveloped with green flames, descend from the ceiling. One hovers over the grand table and the other hovers but the top of the opened doors, giving itself cover.” He pauses, then grins. “With the surprise round over, everyone roll initiative!”

 Out of habit, all seven players, and Tikki, roll their D20s in almost perfect sync. Dick rolls an 18, Cass rolls a 9, Jason rolls a 14, Bruce rolls a 16, Steph rolls a 17 with advantage, Damian rolls a 2, Marinette rolls a 10, and Tikki rolls a 14.

 “Twenty or above?” Tim asks.

 “Twenty three,” Bruce announces.

 Jason rolls his eyes. “Twenty-one.”

 Dick grins, “Twenty one as well!”

 Tim scribbles down the rolls on the initiative table. “D'awww, you both rolled twenty-one. Anyway, fifteen or above?”

 “Tikki rolled an eighteen.” Informs Marinette.

 “I got nineteen!” Steph exclaims.

 Jotting down those rolls as well, Tim asks “Alright, anyone ten or above?”

 Cass signs her roll, ‘fourteen.’

 “Thirteen.” Marinette answers.

 Tim glances at the initiative table, then at Damian. “And you Damian?”

 Damian scoffs. “Three.”

 “Okay.” Tim then rolls a D20 twice. “Chirop! You're up first!”

 Bruce looks slightly bewildered. He clears his throat. “Can I grab the nearest sharp pieces of cutlery and sneak behind a chair?”

 Tim nods. “Roll stealth.”

 He rolls an 18. “My stealth modifier is plus thirteen, so thirty-one to stealth.”

 Tim whistles, “To the rest of the Venators, it looks like Chirop just vanishes into thin air.”

“Are any of the enemies close enough that I could move into melee range?” He questions.

 “There's one floating Flameskull hovering five foot in the air, with your Long-Limbed trait, it's well within reach,” Tim informs.

 Bruce narrows his eyes. “I would like to stab the Flameskull with the sharp cutlery, knives are preferable.”

 “Roll to hit. As knives are close enough to daggers, I'll say you can get away with adding your proficiency bonus as well.”

 Bruce rolls, with advantage, a 19. “Plus my modifiers, that's twenty-eight to hit.”

 “That hits.”

 Bruce rolls for damage, 2. “That's two, so seven.” He then rolls for Surprise damage, 8 (5, 3), and Sneak Attack damage, 24 (6, 2, 5, 6, 5). “That's a total of 39 piercing damage. Then I'll use my bonus action to stab it again,” He rolls a 16, “Twenty-one to hit.”

  Tim puts on his best poker face. “That also hits.”

 “Then that'll be…” He rolls a 1. “One damage from the second attack.”

“The Flameskull you hit screeches in fury as it crumbles to bone dust.” Tim then proceeds to make a horrific screeching sound, for immersion of course.

 “What the fuck, Timbo?” Jason asks, wincing.

  Dick cringes. “At least you aren't right beside him! My poor ears!”

 “Rip us closest seats.” Mumbles Marinette, wrinkling her nose.

“Rehodros, you're up next!” Tim announces gleefully, ignoring his suffering players.

 Jason narrows his eyes at Tim, “I want to run over to the table, grab any food on the table that's not rotten, and yeet it at the nearest Flameskull.”

 Tim hums, “Okay, the only non-rotten food you can find, is a block of aged cheese and a bowl of hardened sugar cubes.

 Snorting, Jason cracks his knuckles. “Oh, I have to pick the block of aged cheese.”

 “Roll your attack then. But make sure you only add your Dex modifier to the attack as you're not proficient in improvised weaponry.”

 Jason rolls to attack and also gets a 19. “Twenty four to hit.”

 Tim snorts. “Yeah, that definitely hits, go ahead and roll damage.”

 Jason nods and rolls a 1D4, managing to get max damage. “Four! Wooh! Plus my Dex mod, that's nine damage!”

 “You lob the cheese at the Flameskull, managing to cause a couple of cracks to form on its skull. It turns it's furious gaze to you, intending to intimidate you but the effect is somewhat hindered by the melting cheese covering half of its skull.” Tim flips through his notes and marks down the damage taken.

 “Okay, then I want to grab the bowl of sugar and using my extra attack to throw that at the Flameskull, in the jaw.” Jason smirks and switches to his Rehodros voice, “You look like you've got a sssweet tooth, bonehead!” He rolls to attack and gets a 12. “Seventeen to hit?”

 “That will hit.”

 Jason rolls a 3 on the D4. “That's eight damage total.”

“As the bowl of sugar starts to melt from the heat of the fire, the sickly sweet scent of hot sugar begins to emanate from the Flameskull. The Flameskull does not look happy.” Tim pauses to glance at the initiative table. “Niriwyse! You're up.”

 Dick glances down at his spell list and beams. “I'm going to cast Vicious Mockery. And say,” he puts on his Niriwyse voice, which is just his voice but higher pitch and with a British Estuary accent, “Green is so not your colour!”

 Tim hums, then flips through his notes. “What's the spell Save DC on that again?”

 Quickly checking his spell sheet, Dick answers, “DC 16.”

 “Mmk,” Tim responds non-committally, before rolling a D20 twice from behind the DM screen. “That, unfortunately for you, is a nat 20. Which means it takes no damage and suffers no disadvantage. The Flameskull turns to you briefly, to cackle in your face, before turning its attention back to Rehodros.”

  Dick frowns. “Aww that failed, welp I'll use my bonus action to give Speilsol Leyer inspiration.” He clears his throat and puts on his Niriwyse voice to sing. “Let's get down to business! To defeat, this skull! Did they order heroes, no they asked for none! We're the saddest party you'll ever meet! But you can bet before we're through, Flameskull, we'll make dust out of you!”

 The rest of the table burst into cheers and groans.

 “Beautiful, Speilsol Leyer, you get 1D10 bardic inspiration,” Tim confirms. “And now it's your turn. Show the audience what you've got.”

 Steph giggles. “Okay, okay, I've got a really dumb idea.”

 Tim raises an eyebrow at her.

 “So, firstly, is there anything on the walls, like paintings? Wall sconces? Y'know.” She asks.

 “There's a painting of a naked elven lady on one wall, and a taxidermied fox head on the other,” Tim informs.

 Steph bounces in her seat. “Cool! So I'm gonna rage! Rip the taxidermied fox head off the wall, then run and leap up into the air to bludgeon the Flameskull with the fox head!”

 “Right. Make an athletics roll.”

 Rolling a D20, she gets 13. “Twenty one!”

 “You manage to jump into the air with expert grace. Roll to hit.”

 She rolls a 16. “That's a twenty-four to hit because I've got the Tavern Brawler Feat so I've got proficiency with improvised and-slash-or unconventional weapons!”

 He snorts. “That'll definitely hit, roll damage.”

 Steph picks up her D4 and rolls it, getting a 3. “Do with my strength modifier and Rage damage, that's ten damage! And uh, that's the end of my turn!”

 Tim scribbles down the damage taken, he then checks his notes quickly. “The sugary cheese-covered Flameskull starts to cackle madly. It casts fireball on the party, everyone make dexterity saving throws.”

 On cue, everyone in the party rolls their D20s. Tikki rolls an 18, Damian and Marinette both roll 16s, and Dick rolls a 4.

 Before Bruce rolls his dice, he proclaims, “I'd like to use evasion!” He then rolls and gets a 5. “Fourteen total.”

 “Evasion too!” Cass declares with a smile, she rolls her D20, getting 18. She then signs her result, ‘twenty-seven

 “Shit!” Jason mutters, staring at his roll of 2.

 “Nat one?” Tim questions.

 Jason shakes his head. “Natural two, so seven total.”

 “I also got seven,” Dick adds.

 “Seventeen,” Damian announces.

 “I rolled a nineteen and Tikki rolled a twenty-two.” Marinette pipes up.

 Steph frowns at her roll of nine. “Eleven…” She glances at her character sheet again. “Wait, no! I get advantage on dexterity saving throws!” She shakes the dice in her hands and blows on it for good luck, then rolls it into the dice box. It lands on an 18. Fist pumping the air, she cheers. “Yes! Dirty twenty, fuck yeah!”

 “Alright. Niriwyse and Rehodros both take…” Tim rolls a D6 eight times, behind the DM screen. “Twenty-three fire damage. And everyone else except Chirop and Balabitara take half that, so eleven damage. And of course, Chirop and Balabitara take no damage whatsoever.”

 “Wooh,” Bruce cheers.

 “Wait a second!” Jason interrupts, triple-checking his character sheet, “I've got fire resistance!”

 “Then you also take eleven damage instead of the full twenty-three.” Tim corrects. “And that's the end of the Flameskull's turn. Tikki's up now.”

 Marinette tilts her head to the side as Tikki whispers in her again. “Tikki is going to hold her turn.”

 Tim nods. “Okay then, it's Balabitara's turn.”

 Cass smiles sweetly. “Jump and punch?”

 “Roll an athletics check then, please.”

 She rolls a 13, and signs her results, ‘eighteen.’

 “You barely manage to leap within melee range of the Flameskull,” Tim narrates. “Roll to hit.”

 She rolls her dice again, rolling a flat 17. Again, she signs her result, ‘twenty-six.’

 “That will definitely hit.” He acknowledges.

 Cass then rolls damage, gets a 4, and signs the total, ‘nine.’ She glances down at her character sheet, and then back up at Tim. “Second attack?”

 Tim nods again, still jotting down the damage taken. “Go ahead and roll.”

 Rolling again, she gets a nine, so she signs the result, ‘eighteen.’

 He hums, “That'll also hit, roll damage.”

 She rolls and gets a 3. ‘Eight,’ she signs.

 Tim chuckles, “As you punch the Flameskull twice, the skull shatters and turns into sugary and cheesy skull dust.”

 Cass grins and fist-pumps the air as the rest of the table breaks into cheers.

 “Everyone breathe a sigh of relief! Encounter over.” He comments. “And I think we've reached our halfway mark, so we'll take a quick five minutes break to grab something to eat and drink, and we'll continue on after the break.”

==–==

| Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little oneshot! Comments, likes, and reblogs are much appreciated! |

| @maribat-march2020 | | @vixen-uchiha |

[xlady-saya]

someday there won’t be scowls [fic]

Relationships: aaron and neil, andrew/neil, aaron/katelyn

Summary: Neil finds that even with his mind's best efforts to hang onto the wounds of the past, his opinion of Aaron just isn't what it used to be. He can thank Andrew and Katelyn for a lot of it, but his own observations certainly help.

When he sees Aaron like this, the mix of worry and adoration on his face as he thinks of Katelyn, Neil can't help but feel too exposed himself.

It's a start.

Tags: neil and aaron bonding this time y’all, the usual fluff, references to canon violence

Read on ao3!

Contrary to popular belief, Aaron had not been drunk when he lost his phone.

No, no. He's just an idiot.

A couch cushion hits the coffee table as Neil rounds the corner, nearly knocking over a stray glass of water Nicky had furiously gulped down before disappearing to some party.

Neil watches it wobble. It's a needed pause, because he's not quite sure what to do.

He's not necessarily shocked to find Aaron here in their dorm. Now that he and Andrew aren't at each other's throats, the other twin is often around, either playing videogames or studying. It's the small concessions; the twins don't always talk, but the calm presence has done wonders for them. Especially in those first few months, the exposure did just as much as the therapy sessions.

It had been worth it. Even with having to feel Aaron eyeing Neil warily for months...Neil wouldn't take it back. It's because of those tense afternoons that they can all go on Katelyn's outings without a fight breaking out.

Besides that...Aaron does his best not to say anything too cutting, and it's good for Andrew. The slow acceptance, the effort, on both their parts.

At the thought, Neil smiles to himself. Andrew would never admit it, but having to war between his need to protect Neil while still looking out for his brother had been stressful with Aaron constantly antagonizing him.

These days, Andrew has been more relaxed, lighter. While Neil knows it's not all because of Aaron, their growing relationship is a huge part of it. Neil would never get in the way of that, so the sight of Aaron isn't unwelcome. Still, it's rare for him to be here without Andrew.

That's the bridge Neil has yet to cross, and doesn't really believe he has to. He and Aaron don't have to be friends for them to have Andrew's best interest at heart.

Aaron seems to agree.

He tends to avoid Neil when he can, or all the time really. Neil can't help but smirk at that; he’s certainly made it difficult for him, being friends with Katelyn and all.

It's not intentional, but it's too late to stop.

Vaguely, Neil remembers Matt planning a romantic night with Dan, and well...it explains why Aaron is here. He believes Nicky used the term 'sexiled,' which at the time was hilarious to Neil. When told by Kevin to 'shut up,' he simply employed the tactic later that night.

Served him right.

Another pillow flies to the floor, and Neil tracks it like a cat. He debates his next move.

Deep down, he already knows Aaron will do shit to help clean this up, and his frown deepens.

Normally, he'd turn himself back around into the bedroom, curl up with Andrew's hoodie and listen in on whatever exy podcast Kevin is listening to, but...

He probably can't leave Aaron like this, partly from curiosity, and partly because he's supposed to care.

He does care, he just sometimes wishes he didn't.

Neil dodges a flying plushie (a gift from Allison) swiftly, leaning against the door frame as he observes Aaron's frantic search for...whatever he's looking for. The twin looks two seconds from pulling his hair out when he finally spots Neil, and for all their progress, this part never seems to change.

Aaron's posture goes rigid the same time Neil stops breathing, their staredown freezing them both in place. It's habit after many, many fights. Neil waits for Aaron to say something insulting, to insinuate something about him and Andrew, and Neil's already mentally preparing for the retort. He knows the same is probably true for Aaron, except in his case he's prepared for lies and manipulation to fly out of Neil's mouth.

Or a fist to the face.

They expect the worst from each other, still. It's hard to break the cycle, especially with their history, and Neil stands stone-faced as Aaron squints at him.

Neil is stubborn, and he's not one to give up, another reason Aaron can't stand him. It just makes Neil embrace the trait more.

Knowing this, Aaron breaks first, sighing heavily at their own ridiculousness. They're supposed to be better, they shouldn't need Andrew to buffer, but Neil still wishes he was here.

Aaron grabs another pillow, seemingly just to have something to do with his hands, and scoffs.

Ah, so that's how this is gonna go.

"Make yourself useful and call my phone," Aaron orders, because he can't not have some of the old loathing in their conversation. Neil is fine with that; a nice Aaron would be creepy.

He's not ready to deal with it.

"I dunno where my phone is," Neil says with a shrug Aaron can't see, and it's the truth. Why Aaron expects anything more from him is his own fault.

Neil hides a laugh in his palm; it sounds like something Andrew would say, accompanied by the crunch of teeth on a lollipop.

"Typical," Aaron mutters, digging through the couch once again. He fusses with his hair, fingers itching from the stress. It's similar to when Andrew needs a cigarette, but Neil knows Aaron's poison.

Yet, there's no beer in sight, and Aaron doesn't seem to be moving to get one. It's odd enough to have Neil committed.

"What's the big deal?" He finally asks in the silence, walking forward to lean against the armrest and effectively blocking Aaron's search efforts. The blond's eye twitches from the harshness of the glare.

Good thing Neil is immune.

But again Aaron surprises him; the scowl doesn't last, the rare mask of defeat washing over Aaron's face. It's like the glare doesn't have a chance, can't possibly stay locked in when Aaron's thoughts are so opposite to the feeling of contempt. Before he even speaks her name, Neil has a feeling it's about her.

"Katelyn went out to a party," Aaron says, clearing his throat. Neil almost wants to laugh; Aaron is so terrible at keeping the affection from his tone. It's the opposite of Andrew, who can't keep it from his actions. "I wanna be available if she needs me, or just to know she's okay."

Some of the tension leaves Neil's shoulders. He understands in a few ways; while he and Andrew aren't the most frequent texters, they do let each other know their locations, and lately...

Well, lately Neil has noticed Andrew uses text to convey some of the things he can't in person. There's no grand confessions or love notes by any means. Andrew is still Andrew; there's just a new layer of vulnerability between the lines, inflections which Andrew's monotone would not allow. Neil's heart flutters, uncaged.

But in another sense, he's argued with Katelyn about this before.

They'd been having lunch one day without the twins, and Katelyn tearily confessed to asking Aaron not to drink some nights.

And well, that's what Neil deserved for seeing Katelyn as someone predictable, easy to read. He'd been sucker punched by that confession, but Katelyn's guilt drove her to ramble. She always framed it with an excuse of some kind she said; the vixens wanted to try a new club in a sketchy part of town, she was feeling paranoid because of exams, she'd had a fight with her parents, etc.

And Aaron, so devoted, never backed down from one of the promises. Neil had been impressed, watching Aaron dutifully drink sodas at Eden's instead of taking his shots from the endless trays.

Katelyn's worries about Aaron's addiction problems spurred the situation at hand, and Neil nearly made Katelyn sob from how against it he'd been. Not necessarily because it wasn't a concern, but due to the lack of trust.

No matter how Neil feels about Aaron, he knows Katelyn is his beacon. He'll do anything for her.

So, the least Katelyn can do, as someone with no gritty past or things to hide, is be honest with her boyfriend. Neil told her as such, not holding back. It wouldn't be an easy conversation, but one day she'd need to have it.

Aaron had yet to break her trust or lose control again, so Katelyn's betrayal of that sent Neil on a verbal onslaught.

Of course, Katelyn didn't take it personally. Something about Neil telling it like it is...

"It's why I tell you anything at all," she sniffled that day, her smile shaky.

Neil's never been known for being gentle, but perhaps he should've tried it. That, or Katelyn's still just working up to confronting this problem.

Tonight, she fell back on a bad habit. Hopefully, she comes back with something to show for it.

Aaron collapses into one of the beanbags on the floor, fed up with his search for the moment. The lines of tension and internal strife are all over his face, Neil nearly tells him to stop being so open about it.

But well, Neil blames himself for a lot too. It's easy to do, to imagine the worst case scenario, to already see something as his fault even when it hasn't happened yet.

He gets it. For once, he's annoyed he can't call Aaron's phone, but his could be anywhere. He winces to himself; he hopes Andrew doesn't find out.

"She's okay," Neil says, sinking slowly into the beanbag across from Aaron. From the way the twin raises his head, he's just as shocked as Neil is at the concession. Neil has always been spectacularly bad at the accepted forms of comfort. Maybe because a lot of the time they're a waste. But, he tries.

His foxes taught him hope, and he can't take the lessons for granted.

Besides, he's sure Katelyn is fine. And not his apparent definition of fine. More than fine, probably tipsy and gossiping about that one guy from chem class.

That's as far as his comforting skills go. Aaron waits for him to say something more, but Neil tucks his knees up to his chest, guarding himself.

Aaron frowns, but his eyes drift to the floor, rationalizing through it. The medical student in him kicks in, the one who is all statistics without room for paranoia, and he relaxes with a nod.

"Yeah," Aaron whispers into the awkward silence. "I hope she's having fun."

Jeez.

Okay, maybe Neil should've kept the conversation going. Katelyn and Andrew are safe topics, because they both have a lot of good things to say about them. It takes them off more dangerous paths, like the one they're currently on, sitting in silence and waiting for the other to snap.

'You don't have to be here,' the Andrew in his head critiques, unhelpfully. Mostly because it's the truth, he could abandon Aaron here and save himself from the weighted quiet, marred with tension and mistrust.

However, it frustrates Neil to no end, how he and Aaron seem incapable of having a conversation. Aaron is family, Andrew's family, blood which hasn't been poisoned by heavy hands and abuse. Neil should probably be able to carry a conversation with him.

He's sure Aaron's not thrilled about it, but the truth is, Neil plans to be around a long time. Andrew can say he doesn’t care as much as he wants, but ultimately, Neil knows he does.

Aaron regards him with a stony expression, perhaps feeling the same itch in his veins, the need to show he's improved as Andrew's brother.

Aaron clears his throat. "So, where's Andrew?"

Neil rolls his eyes. What the fuck was that?

But at least he's no longer in charge of making the first move.

"Eden's," Neil mumbles, pulling at the strings of his hoodie.

He doesn't expect Aaron's head to snap up, suddenly more awake as he straightens in his seat. There's a look on his face, Neil can't quite pin it down. Staring too long at Aaron freaks him out sometimes.

It's not often Aaron looks even a hair similar to Andrew in Neil's eyes, but the intensity shining there is hard to miss.

If he had to guess, he'd say it's suspicion.

"Eden's? Alone?" Aaron asks, and Neil doesn't know what to think. Aaron wasn't planning on drinking anyways, so who cares?

Under the scrutiny, Neil fidgets.

"Mhm," Neil hums, which only seems to draw Aaron's brows tighter together. "He said he had something to take care of."

At the wording, Neil bites back a smile. What sounds like secret-keeping to most people is more of a gift to Neil, something to wait for, something worth it.

"I need to talk to Roland," Andrew says, tangled up in the sheets with Neil. It had been a good day, Andrew pressed close and not crawling out of his skin to have space. It'll wear off eventually Neil knows, and soon Andrew will be forced to separate them slowly, pushing Neil to his side of the bed.

Still facing each other, still close.

Neil plays with the chain around Andrew's neck, tracing the metal cigarette at the end of it.

He feels the small font, can almost make out the words by touch alone...

"Neil," Andrew says again, firmer, and Neil's eyes shoot up. The fact Andrew's eyes are still so bright in the dark sends a shiver down Neil's spine.

Neil smiles sheepishly, but catches the lines of tension in Andrew's frame. He almost looks angry, but Neil's not sure who it's directed at. The storm locked in his expression swirls in a mixture of tension and consideration, trying to pick out any sign of discomfort in Neil.

Immediately, Neil's eyes narrow, heart cold. "What did he do?"

And well, he likes Roland, but if he's done anything to upset Andrew then...

Neil won't stop until he does something about it, and he tastes copper on his tongue before he can help himself.

But, the sight of a genuine threat in Neil's eyes actually softens Andrew's posture. Weird, how Andrew always finds the murder beneath Neil's calm facade to be a comfort. Andrew scoffs, fingers finally itching for a cigarette. Nerves. "Nothing. I just need to settle something."

And like that, Neil can see Andrew's not talking about a confrontation, and it settles Neil's own anxiety.

He's intrigued, but he knows Andrew well enough to understand it's not an invitation to pry. It's confirmed when Andrew turns back to him, a vow creasing his expression before the words leave his mouth. "Later."

'I'll tell you later.'

Neil sighs, content beyond measure. Yeah, okay.

And the words feel like a key, pressed hot into Neil's palm.

Aaron's voice brings him back to the present.

"Aren't you worried?" The twin says, incredulous. His eyebrows are in his hairline, like he can't fathom how big of an idiot Neil is. Something hot and ugly begins to simmer in Neil's blood. Andrew trusts Neil to believe in him, to let him know there's something itching at him and he needs time to get all the words together.

"Why?" He bites out; he doesn't like this, doesn't like the intrusion, the assumption he can sense coming. Neil knew enough that night with Andrew to guess that whatever Andrew needed from Roland was a vulnerable subject. And if he's being truthful, Andrew has been a bit off kilter all week. The anger he'd seen in Andrew's body had been at himself.

It means the blond is mulling something over, which he only ever does with the important things, because if he gets it wrong...

He doesn't want to get it wrong, not when it involves Neil.

It had probably taken a lot for Andrew to even admit to Neil he needed to go.

Neil doesn't take kindly to Aaron's old biases rearing their ugly heads. He thought Aaron stopped seeing Andrew as an uncaring asshole months ago. Guess he was wrong.

Aaron locks his knees together, searching for words which make him sound less awful. The search comes up short. "Well...he used to...hook up there, you know?"

Neil's knuckles crack from how hard he tightens them.

He can't kill Aaron. He knows that. Yes.

"I know--" He pauses to keep the sneer down. It's for nothing, since the viciousness leaks into his tone. Aaron's face falls in an instant, ashamed. Good. "I do trust Andrew you know? Don't you?"

Aaron opens his mouth quickly at the jab, but well, Neil's temper hasn't gotten any better. In true bitterness, he goes for what Aaron cares about, because he's never hesitated before. "Are you worried about Katelyn hooking up with someone at whatever bar she's at?"

Going for Katelyn is a cheap trick, but effective. It's always gotten a reaction in the past, normally violent and loud. He expects Aaron to jump out of his seat, to lunge for him. It's how he deserves to feel, an insinuation that his person, the one he'd do anything for, would go behind his back.

What he doesn't expect is for Aaron to freeze, for his jaw to fall open in quiet shock. The lack of answer is deafening. Neil's eyes widen, ever perceptive to the ugliness in people. It's so stupid, how he can't read so much about others, can't tread lightly with their sadness or embarrassment. It makes for awkward encounters, tactless comments. He has no idea how to read a mood, a room. Hell, he had no idea Andrew felt anything for him before Roland exposed the truth, and it had been going on for months.

But here, seeing the shame and insecurity in Aaron's features, it's so obvious it's laughable.

The silence envelops them again, heavy with a confession Aaron did not mean to give him.

Neil breathes in sharply, and some of his anger drains out of him. "Oh."

At that, Aaron's expression tightens, tone like a slap. "Shut up! I know it's ridiculous."

But not surprising. Aaron has only recently started to have good things in his life, not unlike Andrew. His possessiveness and wary attitude aren't exactly things he hides well. According to Andrew, Aaron's bouts of jealousy are pitiful.

Neil narrows his eyes right back.

"No," Neil says, before backtracking. "Well, yes, but it's mostly insulting."

It's a blow that lands; Aaron flinches from it. He has to know why.

Neil stands his ground; Katelyn's loyalty rivals Neil's own. He even got Andrew to acknowledge it, back when he was poking fun at how similar Bee thought he and Katelyn were. It's not fair for Aaron to be doubting her, when she's given him so much without hesitation. There was nothing but support from her during the trial, during the tumultuous months of therapy between him and Andrew.

Katelyn tries to bridge so many of the harsh gaps in Aaron's life, and trusts Aaron to do the same with her.

Neil may not be good with people, but he thinks he's spent enough time with Katelyn to know she'd never be unfaithful.

He almost can't fathom the extent of Aaron's hopelessness if he really believes she would be. If Katelyn knew...

Aaron sighs, burying his face in his hands. "No that's--It's not that I really think she would okay? It's just..." Aaron chews on his bottom lip, trying not to mess up the words. He can't be as careful, as deliberate, when it comes to these things. The fact he's even telling Neil this at all...Neil doesn't get it. He and Aaron aren't close, he doesn't even think he'd call him a friend. That's how much Katelyn means to him though, he can't have even Neil misunderstand those feelings. "I get scared sometimes and my brain thinks stupid shit, I know it's...I'm trying to be rational."

Rational.

It feels a lot like a crutch, like something Aaron is trying to convince himself of.

It feels a lot like 'I hate you' or 'there is no this.'

There's nothing rational about any of it.

Aaron will feel how he feels, the most important thing is how he expresses it. From how Katelyn smiles and swoons whenever Aaron looks at her, Neil knows he's done a good job of making sure Katelyn knows nothing about his deep doubts. Just like how Aaron knows nothing of hers when it comes to his drinking.

For her, the jealousy is just that, cute and harmless. It's not hiding dark doubts.

Neil leans back, contemplating. Comfort isn't his goal, at least he doesn't think so. Even still, the words tumble out. Kinda like a cheer move, but way less peppy and enjoyable. "Katelyn isn't the type to be with you unless she really likes you. While I don't get your appeal, and you're a grade A asshole, I never hear her stop telling me how happy you make her. Stop being pathetic."

He sounds like Andrew again he realizes.

'Stop letting it bother you or deal with it.'

From how Aaron glares, he probably thinks the same. Neil smirks.

"It's not so easy you know," Aaron grits out, fuming, and Neil worries he might leave the beanbag deformed from how hard he's twisting his hands in it. "I love her. Imagining it ending is hard, thinking of not having her around is unbearable. After everything...I just always think of the worst case scenario. Surely you have to get it."

Aaron doesn't manage to keep the sneer off his face for the last bit, and like that, Neil knows he doesn’t mean general paranoia. Aaron may acknowledge how important Neil is to Andrew now, but somedays it's easier to remember than others. Right then, when Neil is being particularly insufferable, it's a great feat.

Neil's never heard him actually acknowledge Neil and Andrew's bond before though, and Neil's not prepared for the assumption.

Or the derailment of his own thoughts.

Love.

It's not...it's not a word they use. Love is complicated, something that's been clouded for him due to heavy hands and harsh rules. His mother loved him, but to this day he finds himself wondering if it's the kind anyone should want.

His father hated him. Lola loved to hurt him. Neil never got the chance to explore the feeling until his Foxes, and he could probably say he loves them. He'd die for them, wouldn't hesitate to. But unlike his mother's own brand of sacrificial love, Neil would never think of hurting his friends. He likes spending time with them, getting to know them. There's warmth in his new family where his mother only knew frigidness.

Still, that's not the love Aaron is speaking about, and Neil tries not to grimace at the montage of cliché romantic comedies which fly through his head. He's not sure why he watches them, but it's hard to say no to Allison when she has him trapped in a chair for his monthly haircut.

The kind of love in those movies is not real to him.

Of course, Neil's not so stupid he hasn't wondered about this. After his feelings for Andrew became too hard to ignore, free of the weight of Neil's impending doom, Neil had to start thinking about how exactly to define them...

And yet, he still comes up short every time.

He's not quite sure what love is. He knows what it's supposed to be; devotion, protectiveness, comfort, affection.

Based on those qualifications, he and Andrew fit the bill, though people would probably debate the last one.

That's fine, fuck them.

Neil sees love reflected in Matt's eyes whenever he looks at Dan, the gooey kind, all open and adoring. He even sees it reflected in Kevin when he talks about Thea, except in his case it's expressed in pride.

Those things, Neil understands better. The actions, the tone. Those are the best ways to express anything. The words feel cheapened, lackluster.

He's not sure he will ever say them.

Aaron stares at him, expectantly, almost accusatory, as if he'll punch Neil for denying it. Funny, since Aaron would've loved nothing more than for Neil and Andrew to end things a few months ago. Now, Aaron simply doesn't want his brother manipulated.

As if Andrew would ever let anyone do that to him.

But in that realization, Neil finds his answer. He may never say it, but if someone were to ever ask, 'so, do you love Andrew?'

Neil would never even think of saying no.

And maybe that's all there is to it.

"Yeah, I do," Neil whispers, nodding and pushing the realization to the back of his head for now. He and Andrew haven't talked about it, Neil always assumed they'd never say it, he doesn't exactly need to. But...maybe...maybe it would be nice. Maybe one day Andrew would find it nice.

Aaron's shoulders sag in a mixture of relief and shame over his own feelings, no doubt seeing Katelyn's smile in his mind. Neil wonders what Aaron's go to image is, if it's Katelyn cheering him on at a game, or a much more private, intimate moment.

Neil sees Andrew's calm facade, lips around a cigarette, with a whole universe locked in his eyes. His expression is usually the same, squinting, like he's torn between 'stop staring' or 'never stop.'

Neil shivers.

Yes, if he didn't have Andrew...he's not sure what he would do. Andrew always told him he wasn't Neil's answer, but at this point they're so entangled Neil can't imagine a future without him.

Would he survive and make a good life for himself without Andrew? Most likely, but he really doesn't want to.

For Aaron it's the same, and Neil hates having to admit he's wrong. Looking at Aaron now, a war on his face and fingers itching for his phone, Neil gets it. Aaron has come just as far as the rest of them. He's much more alive now, in no small part thanks to Katelyn. Neil thinks he gets the pessimism, because he sees it in Andrew so often. Hell, his own paranoia has him in the same state somedays.

Aaron's feelings are the same as Andrew's, he said it himself. The assumption everything can fall apart at a moment’s notice is always looming in his mind, and he's never not expecting a catastrophe. The difference for the twins is now, despite that mindset, they fight against the urge to give up.

It's admirable, it's devotion, things he'd never thought he'd say about Aaron.

But here he is; it sucks to eat his words, even in his head. Finding out new things about Aaron is not something Neil planned to do when he walked out here, but he's not disappointed.

It's a start.

"I may not like you," Neil begins, as if to smother the unplanned warmth in his chest. He grimaces instead.

Aaron's head snaps up sharply, like lightning. "Like-fucking-wise--"

"But Katelyn does," Neil stresses, and enjoys watching Aaron's glare relax. It's impossible for him to be upset when she's mentioned, not even when he's angry with her, not really. "If you don't trust that by now you're a lost cause."

It's miles away from touching, from soothing, but it must work for Aaron well enough. It's Neil's own way of saying Aaron doesn't have to expect the worst with Katelyn, because he already has proof she'll weather through anything with him.

In the back of his mind Neil remembers grabbing Andrew's jacket sleeve before he could walk out the door one day, one very bad day. He remembers the words which left his own mouth: ‘don't give up on me.’

Eventually, Aaron settles back into the beanbag slowly, releasing it from his death grip. He tries to scoff, but he sounds too tired for it to be effective. "You're sure comforting for someone who doesn't like me."

And like that, it feels lighter in the room, because Aaron being annoying is normal.

Smartass.

Neil almost smirks; he's one to talk, Andrew would say.

"I don't like you, but I don't want to see you hurt." Neil shrugs. It's the truth; he has to keep Aaron from sinking to rock bottom, so Andrew doesn't worry. Neil knows Aaron still might not believe it, but Andrew will do most anything for him, and by extension..."I'll still watch your back."

Aaron quirks a brow, because he's an asshole like that. "That doesn't sound like dislike."

Neil's not quite ready to think about whether or not the statement is true, in the long run it doesn't matter. The outcome is the same.

"You're family," Neil states, and it holds all the explanation needed.

He's never hesitated to protect his family with his life, with all their awful baggage and selfishness. They stick together.

Aaron's eyes widen as he leans back into the chair, letting the words sink in. Neil tries not to show his own reluctance on his face, but he has to admit this is another way Aaron has gotten better.

He used to not acknowledge the upperclassman's existence outside of practice, but the fight has pretty much left him.

Essentially, even he has to admit he won't be rid of any of them any time soon.

"Yeah," Aaron breathes, breaking the awkward pause. He twiddles his fingers, fidgeting in a way which makes him seem so much younger, so much more vulnerable. His face settles on a glare eventually; he's not ready to look at Neil any other way. "Thanks for...watching out for Katelyn too."

It sounds like Aaron has a mouth full of nails when he says it, but it doesn't lessen the impact.

Okay, yeah. Maybe he's more progressed than Neil thought.

This is the man who wanted to beat him for even approaching Katelyn the first time.

Neil wants to open his mouth and refute it; he didn't do anything Katelyn hadn't already thought of in the past. When he gives her ideas, she sees them through. She's shown time and time again she can make even someone as hardheaded as Aaron bend, she's never needed any help from Neil and honestly, he's never given it unless he was pushed.

Before he can open his mouth, Aaron pins him to his chair with a steely gaze, voice quiet. "And...for Andrew too."

Neil feels his jaw click from how hard he tenses; Aaron is daring him now, daring him to argue. Bastard. He knows Neil's weakness.

And Neil hears the unspoken statement, sees it in Aaron's eyes, so loud and consuming: 'Even from me.'

Even from you.

Of course, Neil thinks. He'd kill for Andrew.

There's no way for him to deny it; Aaron has seen glimpses of it in Neil's eyes, the urge to throttle, to destroy anything in Andrew's way.

Out of respect for that fact, Neil keeps his mouth shut about Katelyn.

Fine.

It's so stupid, that Aaron has to corner Neil in order for him to accept even a piss poor attempt at kindness. It makes Neil grin, sharp and rueful.

It's the closest thing to an apology Neil is going to get from Aaron, his way of saying he was wrong to expect the worst from Andrew, to treat him like some unfeeling monster. Neil will take it for now, but if Aaron shows how little he believes in Andrew like that again...

Neil can't be held responsible for what happens.

Aaron throws up his hands, as if reading Neil's mind. "But no offense, I can't imagine you two having the 'we're exclusive' conversation."

Neil snorts, full on smirking now. "In Andrew's words 'you take up too much of my time for me to think about anyone else,' and that was that."

It was in fact not.

In reality the real conversation was much rawer, strung painfully along three days of trembling touches and long looks. The heaviness in Neil's chest had been unfamiliar, hollow and weighted all at once. He wondered, briefly, if it was what people felt like when they cried.

He hadn't cried in so long he wasn't sure. Sobs ripped through his chest with no outlet, no tears, no snot.

Like thunder, his heart pounding in his ears and pain beneath his skin.

Shockingly, it had been Andrew to put an end to the tension, to crowd him harshly against a wall and force them to talk about things Andrew hated talking about.

"I'm not supposed to be this for anyone, I wasn't supposed to live..."

"But you did. You are."

It's not a memory Neil plans on reliving here with Aaron; he won't be able to control his expression, his breathing.

He digs his fingers into the beanbag this time, and as hard as he tries, he can't get rid of his smile completely.

The night ended with Andrew holding him for the first time while they slept, and oh did they sleep. Almost twelve hours, the emotions taking a toll.

So yeah...

It's him and Andrew, until the end.

He knows Aaron must see through the lie too, at least a little, but he doesn't comment.

"What a bastard," he says instead, giving Neil a way out. It's not like he wants to hear Neil gush about Andrew either.

Not that he would.

Probably.

"You have that in common," Neil replies.

Aaron shrugs, not put off in the slightest. They didn't get to where they are now by being nice people. "Well either way I'm...that’s good or whatever. You know if he cheated on you I'd have to kick his ass."

Neil barks a laugh, so loud and out of character he claps a hand over his mouth to stop it. The idea of Aaron getting so much as a hit in is hilarious.

He can't even imagine it.

Then, Neil really processes his words. He's not sure what look is on his face, but it's disbelieving enough to ruffle Aaron into raising his voice.

"What?" Aaron shouts, and seeing him flush is so unusual without Katelyn around Neil almost can't comprehend it. "I don't care for you either or get what he sees in you, but I didn't go through all the trouble of breaking our deal and going to therapy to let him throw away something that's actually good for him."

Neil lets the annoyance roll off his shoulders; he could just as easily hurt Andrew, but people never assume it's him. Not like he would, but he wishes people would stop placing the blame prematurely. Aside from that...

Aaron admitted Neil is good for Andrew. Aloud. To Neil.

The smirk which grows on Neil's face is absolutely shit eating. "Sounds to me like you like me."

And, either from exhaustion or the inability to fight it any longer, Aaron lets out a heavy sigh. "Maybe one day, Josten."

"Like-fucking-wise," Neil parrots, and for once, the silence is almost comfortable. An itch under Neil's skin tells him it might be the first of more to come.

But, everything ends.

Neil's phone dings on the kitchen counter, and Aaron's head flies to it before he sees it's not his own. Neil, on the other hand--"Oh! There it is!"

He knew he left it somewhere.

Aaron's scowl is something Neil dutifully ignores as he hops up to swipe his phone. It's got twenty percent. That's an improvement, if you ask him. "I swear to fuck, Josten--"

Neil waves him off, swiping his lockscreen (it's a blurred picture of Andrew, because he refused to let Neil take one). He frowns when he sees Andrew's name in his new messages. It's not that they don't text, but it's still new for them to do it without reason.

It's early in the night, for Andrew anyways, and for a moment Neil worries something happened.

A: heading back

Relief floods his chest, mixed with what Andrew would no doubt find an annoying dose of curiosity. Neil can feel Aaron's eyes on him, like he's a zoo animal. He's used to it; the Foxes are improving, but his relationship with Andrew is a mystery in their eyes.

They're not exactly subtle.

N: that was fast. how was Roland?

He doesn't mean to sound suspicious, and it's not for the reasons Aaron might think. He's not sure why Andrew needed to go to Eden's, but if it ended in some kind of fight...

There's a pause, which he notes with some tension in his stomach. Andrew texts fast usually.

A: ok. didn't get to spend much time there so we didn't talk

Neil's brow furrows, but Andrew knows him well, and his explanation comes quickly after.

A: katelyn was there, I'm bringing her back

A: idiot rolled her ankle

Neil's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. And Andrew says he's the interesting one. Neil can't help but be amused at the thought of Andrew being trapped in a car with the bubbly girl. Katelyn isn't exactly scared of Andrew anymore, but they don't talk directly. It really is a night of developments. Neil bites his lip to keep his grin at bay, feeling Aaron's eyes on him.

Oh, Neil is going to enjoy this.

He's not worried about Katelyn, just a bit surprised Andrew would bother with her. But, like with most things Andrew does, Neil accepts the facts and doesn't dwell on much else. If Andrew wants to explain he will.

It's not like Andrew will hurt Katelyn unless she deserves it.

N: okay. I'll let aaron know

He tacks on the purple devil emoji, the one Andrew showed him in a rare moment of instruction, and hopes his intent is received.

A: I should've never taught you what those mean

N: you're amused I can tell

A: maybe

Neil smiles then, a little less evil. The warmth which comes with Andrew pools in his gut and he shivers, unable to help it. The ghost of Andrew's fingers graze his cheek; if he were here he'd push Neil's face for smiling that way.

He never thought a 'maybe' could mean so much, but nowadays it's as good as a 'you're right' to Neil's ears.

Neil thinks that's the end of it when another message comes in.

A: Neil

He pauses, waits. Nothing. It feels like the clench of Andrew's jaw, the consideration before he speaks. Never impulsive, because he doesn't believe in regret.

N: yes?

The little speech bubble pops up to show Andrew is typing, and it starts and stops over and over. The tapping of fingers on a whiskey glass, Neil throwing off the rhythm of Andrew's routine.

It's something Andrew welcomes now, most of the time.

A: you'd probably like the stupid song they played in the club

An incomplete answer.

Neil's smile is uncontrollable at that point, it splits his face in a better way than hot coils, lifting the scarred skin and giving him wrinkles. Andrew isn't always able to say what he's thinking, what he feels, and this is one of those times. They're frequent, proof of progression which is always a tug of war. A few steps forward, some back. But every time it happens now, Andrew offers him a concession, licking wounds which aren't there just because.

Just in case.

But Neil's never hurt, Andrew wouldn't hurt him. The effort means more to him than he can possibly say, because he never asked Andrew for it, doesn't need it. Andrew is giving it, trying anyways.

Even when he doesn't get to the end of the road, Neil can see the destination.

He might not get to hear whatever Andrew really tried to say, not anytime soon, but he knows the truth in what Andrew did say: 'I'm thinking of you.'

Neil releases a shuddering breath.

N: I want to listen later

N: with you

N: drive safe

He won't.

A: maybe

'Okay.'

Neil pockets his phone as it hits below ten percent, and when he hears Aaron cough awkwardly, he remembers the rest of his objective.

Keeping his face blank is a talent he can only thank his boyfriend for.

"Andrew's with Katelyn," he says, as innocently as possible, moving to brew some hot chocolate for when the blond returns. He gets as far as pouring the powder when Aaron looks up, eyeing him as if he's trying to parse through his Spanish homework (without Neil's help).

"Oh, okay," he says, unsure. Neil raises his head as he stirs, watching Aaron blink once, twice.

He clinks his spoon against the rim of the pan, and hears a scream.

"WHAT."

--

Neil counts the night as a win on account of Aaron jamming his hip against the dorm railing in his haste to haul ass down to the parking lot.

The roar of the Maserati's engine is music to Neil's ears. He and Andrew spend time apart often, but he simply prefers to have him home.

He ignores the look he gets from Andrew as his eyes flit between Neil and Aaron, a silent question. Neil tries not to groan; he knows he'll have to admit it eventually, but his new Aaron revelations aren't things he wants to return to so soon.

When Aaron nods at Andrew, the hint of a smile present and Katelyn against his shoulder, Neil is the only one who knows it for the apology it is. Andrew didn't let him down, of course he wouldn't.

As Aaron turns towards the dorms with Katelyn, fussing and kissing her cheek, Neil doesn't miss the brief glance he sends his way. 'Sorry for doubting.'

And it's not enough for Neil, but it's a start.

With Aaron gone, Neil takes a bold step in Andrew's direction. The magnetic pull is too much, and he raises his brow at the twitch in Andrew's face. People who believe Neil can't flirt have never seen him get under Andrew's skin; it's shockingly easy for him.

Andrew, ever one for reciprocation, takes his own step forward. Neil sees the amused glint shine through the dark, barely there but so apparent to him.

Despite that, Neil doesn't close the gap. He sees the lines of tension wrapped over Andrew's shoulders, not put there by him. They've been there since he got out of the car with Katelyn; something had put him on edge, making him extra cautious, over thinking.

But Neil is there to smooth those points of tension.

Maybe Andrew and Katelyn did get to talking, it sure would be fitting after the night Neil had.

He walks over slowly, letting Andrew set the boundaries if he needs to. He doesn't budge.

"Can I help?" Neil whispers, and expects Andrew to roll his eyes.

'Don't be dramatic,' or 'I don't need help’ seems impending.

Instead, Andrew sighs, tugging at the chain around his neck.

"You tend to," he says, like it's an annoyance. "You do."

Neil grins, wrapping one hand in Andrew's jacket sleeve. He can tell Andrew is still trying to say something, but he's not ready. Neil doesn't need him to be. Though, with the urgency Andrew took with him to Eden's, Neil figures he'll find out soon.

In the meantime, Neil bats Andrew's hand away to pull out his necklace. The little cigarette had made him crack up when he saw it; he didn't think Andrew would actually take to wearing it, but then he'd seen ‘pipe dream’ engraved on it…

Neil hardly sees him remove it.

"You need one too," Andrew mumbles. "I'm tired of being the only one looking like an idiot."

"Get me one then," Neil shoots back, not bothering to point out how Andrew doesn't give a shit what people think of him. It's a joke, but sometimes flustering Neil is more important to Andrew than keeping his pride intact.

"I'm looking still," he says, yanking the chain away from Neil's fingers and stuffing it below his shirt. The movement is irritated, his body language is not.

And oh, that smile on Neil's face must be back, because Andrew snaps at him not a moment later. "Stop it."

"You first," Neil retorts, stupidly, definitely not his best work. But he can't focus with Andrew reaching out for him, pulling at his forearms until Neil's wrists are settling gently on his shoulders. The few inches he has on Andrew never fails to make him laugh, but Andrew's stare is so intense at the moment, the sounds dies on Neil's lips.

The lips Andrew keeps looking at.

Neil leans in, and as his lips graze Andrew's, he smirks. "Did you enjoy your girl talk?"

The blond tenses up in an instant, like hell has frozen over. The stare he levels at Neil is about as unamused as it gets. "You have never heard of a mood in your life."

Andrew makes a show of shoving Neil away while he laughs, but Neil latches on, because he's a shit like that and Andrew loves it. "No, I just know getting you back into the mood is easy," he whispers in Andrew's ear, his thumb sliding down his neck. He delights in the shiver he gets in return.

"Your arrogance is putting you on thin ice," Andrew grits out.

"Do something about it."

When Andrew kisses him, his hands hold Neil's face, and it's his favorite. Neil is pretty sure Andrew knows it, but he'd never point it out, for fear Andrew would stop in retaliation.

Neil is taller, but somehow he ends up surging up to the tips of his toes, the kiss electrifying for something so chaste, a kiss Andrew doesn't even deepen. They're in public, he won't do it, but it leaves Neil yearning anyways.

"It wasn't revolting," Andrew admits when he pulls away, his thumbs rubbing firmly into Neil's face scars.

For a moment, Neil's mind is so hazy he doesn't get it, and he blinks until Andrew catches on.

"The cheer--Katelyn."

Oh. Neil lets his eyes widen; it's not that he sees Andrew as an unfeeling monster, he would never. But...Katelyn is not his type of person. It almost makes Neil laugh, imagining Katelyn with her neverending stream of talking points, attempting to fill the silence of Andrew's Maserati.

Again, it's a start.

Maybe he can trade his conversation with Aaron for Andrew's with Katelyn.

"I'm proud of you," Neil says with a grin, and doesn't elaborate that he means he's proud Andrew is fixing things with Aaron in more ways than therapy. One gap at a time, he makes the necessary choices to sew up the majority of the wound. He'll always be Andrew, holding his brother and Katelyn at a distance, not compromising his own self and beliefs.

It'll never fit together quite right, far from perfect, but they're making their own way.

"For what?" Andrew scowls at him, moving his hands from under Neil's eyes to tug at his mouth. Neil fights him, but the grin can't hold up against the roughness.

Neil lets it go with a wink, which only makes Andrew frown more as Neil turns around. Katelyn moves slow, and he can see Aaron making her even slower by worrying too much. They're barely at the door. Neil sighs, shaking his head. "Ready to go up?"

They may not have privacy, but they'll have more than this...

"No," Andrew says, grabbing the sleeve of Neil's hoodie.

Neil reaches up to tap at Andrew's pulse, patient but not willing to be completely passive in this case. He's missed Andrew all day; he hopes his touch is enough to communicate to Andrew how he doesn't have to try so hard right then.

Neil doesn't need him to keep trying to force out words he's not ready to say; Andrew already had a lot taken out of him after tonight.

Neil too, honestly.

Andrew grunts, turning back to the car. It's the only answer Neil needs, and he gratefully hops into the passenger seat. Neil will follow Andrew wherever he decides to take him, for however long Andrew needs to clear his head.

It's nice, to run without running away.

Andrew's hand grazes his before clutching the gear shift, and they veer out of the parking lot with zero caution.

This is it, he thinks. Andrew's reckless driving after midnight, and a hand in his, with lots of time left to say what needs to be said.

This is it. Four truths: sunrise, Abram, death, us.

Briefly, as he remembers Aaron's confessions, he wonders, hopes even, that the twin feels the same about his life. No, he knows Aaron feels the same way about Katelyn.

That's not even a question.

Neil smiles as he rolls down the window, ignoring Andrew's comment about how he's like a dog, and jots down another line on the list of things to admire about Aaron.

Begrudgingly, of course.

[painted-piggy-ships-archive]

Woodland Trio Drabble (🐽)

🐽 = this will be an amanda-centric drabble!

Ship: Dominik x Amanda/The Pig

Word Count: 522

Tag List (If you do not want to be on this list I’ll remove you, just dm me! Just picked some people who’d hopefully like to take a look at my writing ^-^”): @ghostlyvenus @another-strange-user @imagine-your-love-story @wildcardwithaheart

A round has just been completed, The Entity supplied with this evening’s sacrifices. I’m eagerly awaiting my girlfriend, quite ready to shower her in praise for another successful kill session. Ah, I just can’t wait here outside the meat plant, I’ve just got to see her!

I push open the squeaky exit door and intently jog down the hall, only to bump into her walking towards the exit, taking off her mask and shaking out her short, dark hair.

“Amanda-” I say beaming, ready to begin to ramble about the feat she’s just endured, but instead I’m cut off.

“Shut up.” She says, grabbing me by the front of my flannel shirt and pulling me down to plant a tender kiss on my lips. I’m surprised at first, but lovingly pull her closer, my thick arms wrapped around her waist. Her chapstick tastes faintly like cherries, and she smells of the hunt she’s just pursued.

“You miss me that much?~” I joke when we break for air. She rolls her eyes and slips her small, porcelain hand in my larger one while we walk out of the building.

“No but I had been craving your touch the entire time I was in there. It’s too bad The Entity won’t allow two of us in the ring.” She gives my hand a squeeze.

“Ah, but that’d be unfair, now wouldn’t it?” I propose and she snorts, making me smile softly at the cute sound.

“For who, the survivors? Puh-lease, there’s four of them and only one of me, and I’m supposed to run up and down that place to hook those idiots multiple times, if anything that’s what’s unfair!”

“But you’re capable of doing it. In fact, I’d say you’re one of the best killers The Entity has.”

She hums in response, her typical reaction to my attempts at flirting. She’s not one for showing too much emotion, but she’s certainly straightforward about showing affection when she wants to. We’re entering the woods now, the moon’s beginning to rise. A cool breeze makes us let go of each other’s hands as I pull her closer to me, my arm around her waist, now.

“I’m being serious, you know. You’re amazing in the ring. I’d give anything to have your mind.”

“Dominik.”

“Let me finish! I’m sure you could even take on Michael!”

“Okay, I get it, I get it!” Amanda playfully shoves me and I chuckle.

“What, can’t a guy praise his girlfriend?”

“Ugh, you’re so cheesy about it though.”

I kiss her cheek, “But you like it cheesy, don’t you?~” I ask quietly. I finally get her to blush, her cheeks burning a soft pink.

“Got ‘em.” I say triumphantly, earning me another eye roll. She slips free of my half-embrace and taps me on the arm.

“Race you back to the cabin.” She says, putting her mask back on.

“You’re on, Mandy.” I say, stretching. She’s already running off by the time I’ve checked my bootlaces. I rush after her.

“No fair, head start!” I call after her. I hear muffled laughter in response, making me grin. God I love her.

[1kook]

beginner’s luck. 

Renjun x female reader

Summary: Your static relationship with Renjun is thrown for a complete loop when he corners you after school one day, and though his smile reads sweet and friendly, the glint in his eyes is anything but.  i read your request wrong and made them not bffs whoopsie daisy also this was supposed to be like 500 words but now its 2.6k because its renjun 

now with linked visuals!!! bc ugh do i love my soft baby boy 

-

If you were being completely honest, you weren’t really super best friends with Renjun. As a matter of fact, you wouldn’t even consider yourself friends either, maybe just very mild acquaintances who sometimes bumped into each other now and then. You knew each other through your friends, who were friends with each other’s friends, and on the rare occasion your groups did a giant cross-outing, you’d see Renjun. 

But you wouldn’t mistake your lack of friendship for him being rude or anything. He was quite polite to you, despite how rambunctious other boys his age tended to be. He held open doors whenever possible, was attentive to stories, and was overall a pretty sweet kid. His kind is genuinely the people you tend to surround yourself with, so it’s a real mystery how you hadn’t formed any type of friendship. 

He was in your senior class, sat a few rows to your left. You’d been in the same large groups a few time this year, and though you managed to chat easily during these times, the conversation never truly left the classroom. Which was weird, because Renjun typically radiated a very welcoming presence, and you’d never truly felt awkward around him. You guess it was more so the fault of his friends, who came around every break to whisk him away from the classroom in a cloud of devious snorts and giggles. 

Your static relationship with Renjun is thrown for a complete loop when he corners you after school one day, and though his smile reads sweet and friendly, the glint in his eyes is anything but. “I need your help,” he insists after the class has emptied, and it’s just you and him hovering over your desk.

“No offense, Renjun,” you say as you shove a notebook into your schoolbag, momentarily glancing at your teacher who pays no mind to the pair of you, “we don’t really know each other like that.”

“C’mon,” he pushes anyway, one hand landing on your shoulder as he guides you out of the classroom. The halls bustle with after school activities, and you’re both happy and saddened that you’re part of the Going Home club in this situation. “It’s for the greater good,” he says, and you snort at his dramatics. You’d known he was a funny guy, but this is your first time seeing him in action.

“What do you need?” You question, and though you haven’t outwardly expressed your compliance, by the quirk in his smile, you know you’ve already given in to his request. However, you still don’t want him to have the benefit of coercing you into whatever scheme he’s planning, so you shrug his arm away from you. 

Renjun suddenly goes meek, and you nearly scoff at the sudden change in character, raising an eyebrow at him to encourage him to continue. He’s different then, all shifty eyed and subdued as he searches for the right way to tell you. 

After what seems like an hour of just watching him flounder about himself, Renjun finally stutters out, “k-kiss...,” cheeks burning with the power of seven suns. You can’t even tease him about it either, because you’re probably mirroring his own expression.

“What?” You exclaim, loud as hell for no reason aside from the fact you’re trying to cover your own embarrassment. Needles to say you’re extremely overwhelmed because Renjun was undoubtedly handsome in a humble sort of way but your experience with boys was limited to a few make out sessions, nothing more. 

“I,” he chokes, one arm awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck. “There’s someone I’m trying to impress, but I’ve never... y’know,” he motions, finally daring to look into your gaze. At the sight of his dark eyes, you instantly realize how serious he is about this whole ordeal. You slowly nod as he continues rambling out his story for you. “I don’t know a lot of girls who would help me with this,” he mentions, “but even if I did, I’d feel bad if they thought I was taking advantage of our friendship.” 

When he glances at you again. he visibly looks like he’s at a loss for words, cheeks tinted the prettiest rosy color. 

“So you’re asking me because we’re not technically friends, and you know I won’t get all booty hurt?” You compensate, and he nods furiously as if trying to please you. 

You contemplate the proposal for a while, turning away from him because at the sight of his generous face you’d agree in an instant. However, you really do need to weigh in the situation, so you force yourself to look away. 

Renjun’s brave as hell for actually asking someone for a favor like this, that much is for sure. He’s also real dedicated for whoever he’s trying to impress, and you can’t help but wonder if he would consider this as some unfaithful pre-act to a relationship. You guess not if he’s actually going for it, so you have to settle on reminding yourself he’s doing this for someone else.

The different aspects of his character swim around your head and you find yourself admiring him all of a sudden. But the last thought still resonates loud inside you. 

“I’ll do it,” you affirm when you whirl around to face him, and suddenly realize how close he’d been to you this whole time. You fight the flush of your cheeks as you watch Renjun jump around happily, promising you he’ll pay you back with the gift of your choice. 

-

He walks you home then, chattering away about his whole group of friends as you trek through the winding streets of your bustling town. Renjun always refers to them by different nicknames, that when he actually says one of their names, you’re reminded he’s friends with all those cute boys at school. Handsome faces hang with handsome faces, you presume. Your friends have dubbed them the dreamies, because well, they’re exactly that. All charming with different strong points, it’s a miracle they’ve taken to tagging along to your friend outings. 

You wonder if when this is over Renjun will introduce you to one of them on a more intimate level. Then you can probably have double dates with whoever he introduces you to and his own crush. 

(You’re not bitter, not at all, especially not when Renjun talks your ear off and you realize how captivating he is all by himself.)

When you reach home, you’re reminded that your parents aren’t due until later that night, both usually stuck in traffic around this time. Renjun is a polite young man, and compliments your decor, compliments your family photos, even compliments your damn cat. You guide him towards your room before he starts complimenting the plastic plants. 

He’s still talkative when he plops down on your computer chair, and that’s when you realize he’s doing it out of nervousness. Though he reigns in the blush on his cheeks, his ears are still snitching on him. He stops talking when you bring out another chair and set it in front of him, before unceremoniously sitting down. 

“Um,” he drawls, and the grip he’d had on himself explodes full force, cheeks burning on the highest setting. “So, I’ve never done this before and I don’t know if I’m supposed to lean first or if I’m just supposed to slap it on you, or if you have to kiss me or if I should just open my mouth like a baby bird or if like--” he rambles cutely, and you place a hand on his knee, instantly shutting him up. 

“Hey,” you say, soft and encouraging despite the thundering of your own heart in your chest. You’re afraid he’ll hear it, so you quickly add, “If you want me to kiss you, that’s fine. But since you’re learning how to, I think you should lean in first,” you assure him, thumb drawing soft circles on his knee cap. 

Renjun nods, seems to mull things over in his head for a bit, before giving you a secure nod. “Okay, I’m going,” he announces, eyes ridiculously focused. You almost laugh at his declaration but for his sake you hold it together. 

He leans forward then, glancing at your lips as he comes closer and closer. You can’t help the slow flush of your face when he overwhelms your senses, subtle cologne swarming your nose, while his soft brown hair tickles your forehead. At the last moment, you flutter your eyes shut, and you can only hope he takes your lead. 

His kiss is unsure, which you’d already been expecting, but surprisingly gentle. You try to let him take the lead, pliant against his touch as he moulds his lips to yours. His hand is clutching at your knee now, much in the same way you’d grabbed his earlier, as if trying to make you trust him. 

The gag is, you already trust him despite the fact you don’t know him. Though his presence normally puts you at ease, you find yourself fumbling now, hands shaking as you grasp onto his shoulders. He must sense your nervousness, because he abruptly pulls away. 

“How was that,” he breathes, something between a question and a general statement, and you’re reminded this is all for the sake of someone else. You run your tongue over your lips, and when his eyes flicker down towards the movement, you nearly forget to answer him. 

“Uh,” you mumble, cheeks embarrassingly warm, “yeah, it was. It was, good,” you finally get out, and only hope he doesn’t notice your change in character. “Um maybe,” you add, struggling to remain as the tutor you were intended to be. “Open your mouth a little more?” You suggest, only hoping it doesn’t sound as stupid as you’d thought. 

He seems to accept your advice, and for a moment his lips open and close, the swell of his cupid’s bow ridiculously alluring. When he’s finished, Renjun doesn’t announce his move again, and just leans into your awaiting figure. 

The second kiss is even better than the first, him more comfortable with the action. He seems to get the general gist of it, and if you’re being honest, it’s better than the first kiss. His mouth presses into you softly, guiding your lips with his. He’s completely immersed in it now, and when his hand reaches forward to cup your waist, you startle. He pulls away only slightly, murmurs a soft, “it’s okay,” against your mouth, before going in again. 

His voice, quiet and lulling, replays in your head and you nearly shiver when his kiss finally drops the carefulness and transitions into a more demanding one. He’s completely unlike the stuttering boy who’d asked for your help only an hour ago, and you find yourself struggling to keep up with the pace of his kiss. 

When you feel the cold press of a tongue against your bottom lip, you gasp, and Renjun doesn’t waste the opportunity. He prods against the inside of your mouth, indulges you in a little fight for dominance, and when you lose and he continues his own mapping of your mouth, you finally take it upon yourself to push him away. 

“R-Renjun,” you stutter, when he reluctantly pulls away, and you’re bent over your legs trying to catch your breath. “That’s fine,” you assure, hands slowly gliding down from his shoulders to his forearms. “Um,” you flounder, “good luck with that girl,” you hastily add. 

The silence that envelopes the two of you is uncomfortable, a feeling you don’t typically feel around Renjun. You want to leave, but this is your house, so you want him to leave. You barely knew him an hour ago, but now he’d told you his whole life story on the walk to your house, and then proceeded to give you the sweetest kisses known to mankind? This was illegal, and you needed him away from you before you fell into some mad crush-love. 

“What?” He says, voice weirdly loud in the quiet of the room. Moments before, the only sound was the soft breathing of yours and Renjun’s as you’d kissed. The thought only worsens your physical state. 

When you’re as composed as you can be, you glance up at him, flashing him a nervous smile. “I think I’ve helped you enough,” you amend, hesitantly letting go of his arms, and going to adjust something on your desk. You don’t know what exactly you’re adjusting, just that something in your room seems off and you need to fix it right away. A voice in the back of your head says it’s Renjun--who is not yours--is misplaced amongst all the stuff that is yours. 

“Uhhh,” he drawls from his seat, and you feel his gaze on the side of your face as you toy with your pens and hairbrush, trying to seem occupied and completely unbothered by the soft press of his mouth you’d felt a moment ago. By the way he keeps staring, you think you’re doing an awful job of convincing him. 

When Renjun snorts, boyishly cute yet obnoxiously loud, you jump in your seat. His head is tossed back, brown hair swaying with his every moment, as he continues to laugh. You’re left both in awe and confusion as he does so, and it isn’t until he’s calmed himself down that he graces you with an explanation. 

“No offense,” he says, but a giggle catches him half way through. His ears tinge red but he continues anyway. “But why would I just ask some random person to practice kissing on them?”

You blink, and for a second, it does sound weird. Your brain racks for an appropriate response but in the end all you manage to say is, “that’s not offensive.”

Renjun levels you with a cheeky look. “Well I did say no offense,” he teases, pink lips stretching to showcase his smile. The urge to smack him over the head with the notebook to your left isn’t strong enough to consume you. (Yet.)

“Y’know,” he says, soft and somber, unlike the giggly mess he’d been a second ago. When he reaches his palm out to rest on your knee again, thumb rubbing soothingly over it, your heart clenches. He shyly tilts his gaze up towards you before murmuring out a soft, “I really really like you.”

Your heart thunders in your ears, and if this were a cartoon, your head would probably explode from emotional shock. But it isn’t, so your body settles on turning your cheeks to the rosiest setting. Renjun’s confession rolls around in your mind a little, hitting every point, before finally settling down. “You’re horrible,” you state when it finally registers. 

Renjun is taken aback for a moment, but when he realizes it’s just your embarrassment talking, he reaches up to rub at your shoulder, boisterous laugh filling every crevice of your bedroom. “It’s okay, idiot,” he chuckles as he tugs you closer to him, until your head lands against his shoulder. You pinch at his shoulder, and relish in the little yelp he releases. 

“You’re so annoying,” you whine against his chest, "I knew you were too good at this for it to be your first time.”

He snorts, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. “This was my first kiss, though,” he informs you, and the twinge of jealousy you’d felt dissipates at the thought of being the first person lucky enough to be kissed by Renjun. 

“Then how are you so good at this?” You murmur, your heart since having calmed down a bit, and though it continues to beat at an abnormal pace, it’s nowhere near the heart attack rate it’d been in a while ago. 

He shrugs, rubs a hand up your spine, everywhere he touches tingling. “I dunno,” he replies, voice endearingly cute, and when you pull away to finally look at him again, his face is so soft and squishy you want to press kisses all over it. "Beginner’s luck, I guess.”

[queencatherynerhys]

Here I Am - TRR AU

A/N: Oh, I am so excited about this. Like I said in the preview post, this idea came to me a little while ago and I really thought it was stupid, but here I am making it anyway. I am putting my Taken series on a hiatus because I struck a bad wall on it. I know I left it in a bad cliffhanger, so I guess you will just have to hate me. I’ll try to soothe you with this series for now. I hope I can do it justice. Sorry the ending kind of fell away from me I just couldn’t work it right. It should go better in the next chapters

Song Inspiration: Bridge Over Troubled Water – by David Archuleta. I really recommend listening to it before or during the part it comes to get the gist of the feeling

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpmueUlDcZ8

Summary: The engagement tour has finally ended, and Tariq refused to come out of the shadows and bring the truth to the scandal. Liam and Rhea’s relationship has come to its end. How will they survive their separate lives?

Tag List: @captainkingliam @decisso @devineinterventions2  @theroyalweisme @drakewalkerwhipped @laniquelove @drakesfiance @hhiggs @hellospunkiebrewster @alicars @mrswalkerreynolds @mfackenthal @simplyaiden-blog @hopefulmoonobject @blackcatkita @cocomaxley @boneandfur @lizeboredom @crayziimaginations @umccall71 @zarina-x-zig @trianiasti @ranishajay @heatherfilliez @flyawayblue56 @drakelover78 @indiacater @bruteforcebears @pens-girl-87 @madaraism

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry studios except the ones I make. Songs don’t belong to me either I just reference them. Thank you!

 Rhea and Liam are in an intense stare down in his study. He might have had years of diplomacy etiquette, but she has anger fueling her. Rhea couldn’t believe the words that she just heard fall off Liam’s beautiful, slender lips. How could he ask her this? In the Blue Grotto and again in the crowds of New York City during one of their private escapades, she had made it plain and simple that she cannot be his mistress. It was fine when there was hope for them, but now that the engagement tour is over, well their relationship faces the inevitable.

“Liam, I cannot believe what you are asking me right now? Do you even realize what you’re saying? You’re asking…no, you are demanding me to compromise all my moral values to become a mistress! This isn’t just a temporary thing you’re requesting, Liam! Think about the long-term consequences of this decision! I mean you are a king, are you not? Is it not in your job description to overthink about situations?!” she rambles with her voice gradually growing from a whisper to a full voiced scream. In this moment of time, she doesn’t care who can hear her out in the halls. Besides, nobody is awake during this time of night when their typical rendezvous occur.

The night was not supposed to go like this. It was meant to be a bittersweet goodbye spent in each other’s arms and making love one last time before they finally let go of all hope. But instead here they are, heart in each other’s hands and offering nothing but pain and despair.

“Rhea, what do you want me to do? I love you and I want you to be in my life, why can’t you see that?!” Liam paces in front of his large picture window overlooking the stunning view that is the country she thought that would become her home.

“What happens now then?” she asks the inevitable question lingering on both of their minds. Where do they go from here? They’ve reached the end of their journey together and it’s killing them slowly.

“I don’t know, Rhea. How am? I supposed to stand here and watch you walk away? How do you expect me to live without you? Why can’t you just be reasonable and stay here, be with me?” Liam crossed the room and stands in front of her, pleading for her to see reason in his words, but she’s already made up her mind.

“I can’t, Liam,” she whispers. “I…I…can’t stay here and watch you marry someone else. I can’t, and I will not be forced to live in the shadows for the rest of my life. I am so sorry. I never wanted it to end this way. I really thought I would have you for the rest of my life, but what you are asking from me…it’s too much,” she cups his face in her hands not wanting to let him go, but she knows she has to. Liam places his hands on top of hers on his cheek and grips them tightly not wanting to surrender to the tragic ending of their forbidden love.

She memorizes his face one last time. Oh, how she loves those eyes, those majestic, pristine blue eyes. The pair that would send chills down her spine when he looks at her with so much love and passion, much like he is in this moment. And those lips, perfectly shaped. She’s going to miss the feeling of kissing this man and how he would pour all his love into their kisses and passionate nights. How lucky could she have been to fall in love with a man so handsome and so perfect?

She realizes in that moment that no matter what she does and no matter how long time passes that she will never stop loving this man. She’s angry at him for his audacity of asking her to become a mistress, but her heart will remain beating for him. She closes the distance between them and catches his lips with her own, igniting a fiery kiss that could shatter the universe itself. She poured every fiber in her being in this action. She poured every emotion of love, longing, pain and hurt.

Liam reciprocated those feelings in his kiss. He arms snake around her waist and holds her close to him. He never wants to let her go. Why couldn’t she just understand that being a mistress is normal in Cordonia? Why does she have to leave? Does she not love him as much as she says she does? This Liam didn’t know that it wasn’t about love. It was about moral and staying true to herself.

She breaks herself away from his clutch and gets to ready to leave when his hold tightens around her, “Rhea, please I am begging you. Please don’t leave me. Please!!” Liam begs, and it breaks her already shattered heart. “I’m sorry, Liam. I love you. Please know that I will always love you.” She wiggles out of his grasp, but he drops to his knees and wraps his arms around her tighter. “Don’t go, Rhea. Don’t go. Stay with me, please.”

Rhea puts her hands on his shoulders and pushes him off her and she runs out of the door in the blink of an eye. The last thing she saw was Liam on the floor begging for her to come back, but she doesn’t. She keeps one foot in front of the other.

 Rhea recalls that encounter as she sits on the bench staring in front of the piano. She sits alone in a dim-lit recording studio. It was lavish, to say the least, and she couldn’t believe she was actually in a studio where some of the greatest hits have been made. She remembers the day Daniel came into their apartment and telling her about the opportunity.

She had been home for six months. Three of those long months were spent in depression. She was so grateful that Daniel hadn’t cut her off his life or else she would have nowhere to go. Her life savings were gone, spent in a broken dream, so she stayed with Daniel till she could back at her feet. She couldn’t go back and work at the bar they worked at because, frankly, she just didn’t want to deal with her old boss’ asshole attitude. She acquired a job at another dive bar called Rudy’s.

When she wasn’t working she spent the day in bed. She barely ate and did anything until finally one day during their weekend off Daniel had enough of her pity party and demanded she do something. “Rhea, you have to start doing something! You’re never going to heal if you just keep laying there. Come on what’s something you use to do that was a lot of fun for you?” He spews out of hobbies she can start such as running and other nonsense until he realizes something. “Oh! I know! You used to play your guitar and write music. I remember you telling me that you did that all the time in audio engineering class in NYU that you love doing that so why don’t you pick it up again?”

“Dan, I’m tired. Can you just leave me alone, please?” she grumbles from her bed. She was being impossible, but she just wanted to be in peace. Daniel concedes and walks out of her room. She starts thinking about his suggestion and he’s right. She knows she should start trying to fix herself. Music is a good place to start.

The next 2 months was a complete 180 degree turn from where she was. She picked up her dust covered guitar from her closet and started writing music again. It was her form of release. She poured out her heartbreak, her anger and her love for him in the music that she wrote. She even started to go back to school when the fall semester came around picking up her music classes.

Her free time consisted nothing but sitting in the balcony and getting lost in the pages of her songbook. One chilly September night while enjoying a nice hot cider in the comfort of her lounger in the balcony, Daniel came in her room and interrupted her writing. When she saw him, she thought he was going to burst from the excitement.

“Rhea, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. You are not going to believe the news I have for you!” Daniels jumped with the overwhelming excitement. “Daniel, take a deep breath and speak.” He obeyed her words before continuing, “Do you know the famous Platinum Sound Recording Studios?”

“Yes, Daniel. Of course, it’s the famous studio where like a ton of Grammy winning hits have been made. Who doesn’t know that?” she pointedly said. “Well, guess who just got you a session in one of those famous recording studios?” Daniel asked.

Her jaw dropped. “No. Way! Are you serious, Daniel? How the hell did you do that? We can’t afford to be in that place for even half an hour!”

“Well, a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend said one artist booked it already but she couldn’t make it up to NY and of course I begged, and I got it for you! Who’s working for you, Rhea? This guy! They said since it’s already paid for we can use it, but we have to bring our own audio engineer. It’s this weekend, so are you in? Please say you are in, Rhea. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity here!”

She pondered about it and honestly, she felt overwhelmed by it. She just wanted to write music, but could she actually make it as a professional singer? In this industry, she didn’t want to lose more of herself than she already has. “I…I don’t know, Daniel. Don’t you think this is overwhelming? I mean can you really see me recording music and becoming an actual singer?” she voiced her concern to her friend.

“Rhea, yes! You have the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. Come on, I mean just because we are going there doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be a singer. It can just be for fun!” he pleaded. She stared at her friend and she realized that it wasn’t just her dream that was in the line, it was his, too. If she didn’t do it for herself, she can do it for him.

 So here she is in Studio K of the famous Platinum Sound Recording Studios. The place is open 24 hours a day and so she decides to go at night to avoid people. She likes to sing, but she hates crowds and unfamiliar people hearing her sing.

They have the booth for 3 hours and lucky for her she didn’t even need to look for an engineer because Daniel can do it. He has been studying for this very moment. It was just the two of them in the room, yet she still feels very nervous. The first two hours was just them playing around with all the features of the lavish studio.

They test out all the cool aspects and tools in their fingertips. They auto tune her voice, deepen it and just have fun. They figured they would never have the chance to set foot in this place again, so they try out everything.

When the last hour comes, Daniel turns to her and says, “Okay, Rhea, serious time. You should get in there and sing one of the songs you’ve been writing.”

“I don’t know, Daniel. Those are personal, you know. I don’t know if I can just sing them,” she hesitates. “Come on, please. I want to hear some of them. You’ve never played it for anyone and I’d love to hear them,” Daniel pleads with her and she thinks what the hell? Why not? Once in a lifetime right?

She enters the booth and is about to pick up the guitar when she suddenly feels the urge to go to the piano. It’s been so long since she’s played one and she remembers Hana in Olivia’s estate. She remembers how fun it felt to be there with her. She misses all her friends, but she’s decided to stop contact with them for now. She asked to respect her privacy and they have, even though Maxwell begged to keep in touch.

She walks over to it, running her palms on the smooth black surface of the grand piano. She feels almost inspired to play it. She sits down on the bench and places her fingers on the white keys. A sense of familiarity hits her, and she feels as if she’s home. She remembers the times her father would teach her how to play and sing to her. She remembers the sound of the beautiful accompaniment that Hana created, and she uses that to channel her.

“Daniel, I’m gonna try something new. I’ve never written this so just keep the bass low and the setting at optimum level, ok.”

“You got it, Rhea. I got you. Don’t worry about anything. Just play what comes to you,” he reassures her.

She closes her eyes and lets the past six months carry her through the music. She allows all the depression, pain and heartache from her experience in Cordonia to the loneliness she felt when she came back to New York to inspire her. She begins to play a beautiful, serene melody in the piano. She plays a song that her father taught and used to sing to her all the time when she was young and feeling sad.

When you’re weary, feeling small

When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;

Daniel watches her and goosebumps form on his skin. He wasn’t lying when he told her that she has the most beautiful voice he’s ever heard. It’s as if angels came down and lent their voices to her. As he watches and hears her play, a man walks in the studio dressed in a fine, dark grey suit. “Oh my god. You’re Dan Huff! Sorry, sir, we’re just finishing up. I promise.”

The business man holds his hand up and looks in the booth at Rhea. “Shh, I want to listen.” Daniel shuts up while the man takes a seat beside him in front of the controls completely mesmerized by Rhea whose back is turned away from them, totally lost in her own world.

“When you’re down and out,

When you’re on the street,

When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you…I’ll take your part

When darkness comes

And pain is all around,

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

Daniel sits nervously beside Dan Huff, who he knows is a big known music producer. He watches him fiddle with the control following along as Rhea sings and applying features to her voice. He defines Rhea’s vibratos making it crystal clear. Daniel hears a key change in the music and adjusts the settings to accommodate for it.

Sail on silver girl, sail on by

Your time has come to shine.

All your dreams are on their way.

See how they shine.

Oh, when you need a friend

Oh, I’m sailing right behind

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind

Like a bridge over trouble water, I will ease your mind…

Rhea loses herself in the melody and the words of the song. She remembers her father’s voice and it carries her through the pain. He had the most soothing voice and she knows he will never be too far away as long as there is music. She finishes big and let the gradual sound of the piano dissipate before opening her eyes again.

She wipes the tears she didn’t realize fell from her eyes as she stands and walks out of the booth. When she enters the production side, her eyes fall on the older man.

He gets up and extends his hand out for her to shake, “Sweetheart, I’m Dan Huff. Let me tell you know. I’ve been in this business a long time and I’ve never had such a raw, angelic voice come out from a person.”

She returns the handshake and the unbelievable comments, “Oh, thank you, Mr. Huff.” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She never thought in all her life that she would meet such a famous music producer. This is a man who has produced hits for big stars like Taylor Swift and hear he was paying her the greatest compliment she could ever imagine.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” he asks her. “Oh, I’m Rhea, sir.”

“Well, Rhea. Upon hearing your voice, I was so moved and so inspired and believe me when I say there aren’t a lot of people that can do that for me anymore. Not when you’ve been doing this industry for so long. Listen to me, I never do this. I have never done such a rash, bold move like this, but I want to offer you a once in a lifetime ticket to the spotlight. Listen. Here is my personal business card. You sleep on it and you call me tomorrow.”

With that offer, he walks out of the studio leaving Rhea and Daniel with jaws on the floor. What is she going to do?

[feminarrie]

in bloom -- iii.

A beam of sunlight warms the left side of Levinia’s body, licking at the exposed skin of her shoulder and the profile of her face. Sunday’s are typically reserved for lie-in’s and catching up on any number of the series she’s neglected to watch during the week. But, the combinations of sweat that begins to bead on her forehead and the soft chime of her alarm rouse Levinia from her sleep. She rolls to her stomach, arm outstretched and searching for where she had set her phone the night before. Periwinkle painted nails are tapping along the wood until she finds the device, putting an end to the noise.

She’s slow getting out of bed, limbs still heavy and eyes bleary with sleep. She swings her legs over the side of the bed, toes finding the foam soles of her slippers before she slips her fit into them. The poms that are sewn to the top tickle her feet with the material that’s fraying at the ends.

The textured bottoms of the black slippers shuffle across the floor as she makes her way to kitchen. The noise of water bubbling and boiling, and the spring of a toaster soon fill the air as she begins making her breakfast. It’s nothing substantial, really—a simple cup of tea with some jam smeared on toast. Because despite the slow shuffling of her feet and long audible yawns, Levinia does have plans for the beginning of her day. A flower design show that had caught her attention when she had read the paper last week.

Levinia was eager to attend anything of the sort. To be surrounded by new inspiration and people that shared her same interest in all things botanical. The fact that it happened to fall on a Sunday was fitting. Despite having no concrete belief system, Levinia long held the belief that nature was a spirituality that she could align herself with.

She’s dusting crumbs from the table and into her hand when there’s a knock at her door. Her mouth twists to the side in thought, trying to figure out who could possibly be knocking at her door at nine in the morning. The storefront was closed, as it was every Sunday, and Bethan would never come over unannounced.

Pulling on a light cardigan that had been draped over the back of a chair, she’s walking toward the door. She’s sure to cross the fabric over her chest, holding it there with one hand while opening the door with the other.

“Mornin’,” Niall’s voice hits her ears before she’s even made eye contact.

She laughs softly at his chipper tone. He was an early bird, she knew. But, she had never really experienced it. Every other morning she had woken up to him and Harry, Niall was hungover and a right grouch because of it.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, taking the cardboard tray of drinks from his grasp and stepping aside to let him in.

Niall toes off black adidas sneakers and pushes them off to the side before he’s walking further into her flat. He’s dressed in a matching set of gym shorts and sleeveless top that suggests he’s been in a therapy session or perhaps on his way.

“Me only client cancelled today,” he says, “So, I thought I’d stop by since I was out this way.”

He’s picking up one of the cups from its carrier and offers it to her. It’s cold against the palm of her hands, but she gladly takes a sip of the drink that looks similar to a smoothie. She thinks Niall knows her well when the taste of coffee and caramel hits her tongue.

“Thought we could spend the day together.”

“Oh,” Levinia says, a slight frown settling on her lips. “I’m going to a floral design show.”

She feels slightly guilty for not dropping her plans to spend time with Niall. After he had gone so far as to buy her something on his way, but she’s too excited for the upcoming event that it quickly washes away.

“Don’t really know what that is, but sounds fun.” Niall says, “Mind if I tag along? I’ve got nothing else to do today and m’already here to see yeh anyway.”

Levinia hesitates for a moment. Not because she wouldn’t enjoy Niall’s company, but she’s unsure if he would actually enjoy himself—and she knows it’s no fun when someone is so completely engrossed in something while the other stands idly by.

“Don’t mind at all.” She says, running her hands through her hair—and she’s only just realized the state she must be in. “I just hope you won’t be bored.”

Niall rolls his eyes as he takes a sip of his own smoothie. It’s something that looks thick with protein powder and her nose wrinkles at the thought.

“I’ll make my own fun if I do,” he beams. “I’ll make meself at home while yeh sort yerself out.”

. . .

Levinia pokes a pink tongue out at him, but matches his smile with her own. “You know where everything is. Won’t take me too long.”

Niall’s sat scrolling through his phone when Levinia emerges from her bedroom. Hair pulled back into a high pony and the same everyday, minimal makeup that has become synonymous with her existence. She’s rummaging through the small purse that was beginning to slip from where it was on her shoulder. Likely checking for the ticket she had bought a week prior.

Niall finally glances up from his phone and is met with Levinia’s bare legs. He knows that his eyes shouldn’t trail along them so slowly, as if he’s mesmerized, but he’s still mapping the distance between each freckle and mole until the hem of her shorts comes into view. His Adam’s apple bobs when he clears his throat, catching Levinia’s attention and bringing him back into reality.

“Sorry,” Levinia laughs, “Just making sure I’ve got everything.”

Niall shakes his head, “S’alright, I just had something in me throat. Headin’ out now?”

Levinia glances at Niall, clad in the same clothes he had arrived in and she raises a brow. There’s no judgement behind the gesture, but she had expected Niall to request to change into something more appropriate than gym gear. As if he’s heard the thoughts in her head, he’s opening his mouth to speak.

“Don’ look at me like that.” Niall says with a laugh and collects his keys from the coffee table. “We’ll stop at mine on the way for a quick change.”

. . .

The ride across town to Niall’s flat took longer than the five minutes it took for him to change. Though, when he emerges Levinia can’t help but heckle him slightly when she sees the circular glasses sitting at the bridge of his nose. She quite likes the way that they look on Niall--the way it frames his face and calls attention to the sea blue eyes that, lately, have one shone with happiness. A far cry from when they had first met. Even so, she knows that they lack any sort of prescription despite the fact that his short sightedness is almost worse than hers.

“Those might serve more of a purpose if those lenses weren’t just for aesthetics.” Levinia says when Niall’s ambling into the front seat of his car.

“Would if I didn’t have twenty-twenty vision,” Niall retorts, buckling his seatbelt and setting the car into drive to pull through a parking spot.

“Keep telling yourself that, Horan.” She laughs and turns up the volume of the radio from a soft hum to one that overtakes her quiet singing.

The atmosphere within the car is light and airy the entire way there. Laughter and talks of the excitement that bubbles in Levinia’s veins as they grow closer to the venue. Niall’s never experienced her quite like this. He’s seen her drunk and teary-eyed at videos of soldiers coming home to dogs dizzy and emotional with happiness. Seen her argue and wrestle with Harry for the television remote as if they were siblings. Niall’s even been privy to see her with her cheek rested against the cold porcelain of the toilet after she’s attempted to outdrink him.

But, he’s never seen her nearly jumping out of her seat with excitement. Niall doesn’t quite get it either. Even when he had followed Penelope into the florist shop and gave his opinion on one type of flower or the other, he didn’t understand the fuss. Flowers were nice to look at, don’t get him wrong. But, the excited static that was begin to prickle and pop in the air was not something he could entirely grasp.

Even so, he likes seeing Levinia so giddy over something...simple. Thinks it’s rather endearing how she’s prattling on about this flora and that one. Not that he understands a lick of what she’s saying, but he’s still nodding along with her words. She only stops her happy rambling when they are parked a block from the hotel that is showcasing the event. Likely because she’s clambering out of the small Range Rover and attempting to not trip over her own feet.

“Slow down, love.” Niall laughs, shutting off the car and stepping out from the vehicle.

Levinia nods, though the tapping of her foot against the pavement suggests she’s ready to take off toward the venue. It’s slightly childish, she knows. The way she’s having trouble sitting still and fighting the urge to dart off in the direction of the hotel. But, the thought of being surrounded by arrangements that she could only dream of making and flowers she’s only ever seen in home decor magazines, feels like it’s overtaking her.

She manages to keep it mostly contained. Her excitement only showing in the smile plastered on her face as if it’ll never leave and the extra bounce in her step. Niall’s simply sipping at the drink he had brought over earlier and keeping stride with Levinia as she walks. Not at all in a rush to get to their destination, just happy to be outside in the sun. Doesn’t even mind when the nape of his neck begins to sweat, his brunette locks trapping the heat.

“Oh,” Levinia says suddenly, “I’ll have to buy your ticket!”

She’s digging into her purse as they come to the garden of the hotel, finally retrieving her wallet only to have Niall wave her hand away as she attempts to hand the teenage girl the notes in her hand.

“S’fine, Ina. I can pay for meself.” Niall says, already exchanging a crisp tenner for the ticket.

“I know, but I was trying to be polite. You didn’t have to come with me,” Levinia says, handing over her ticket as they pass through yet another set of people. Niall follows suit.

“Nothing else to do,” Niall shrugs, a playful smile tugging at the corner of chapped lips, “Besides, you’re fun sometimes.”

Levinia doesn’t respond to Niall, too preoccupied with the wisteria flowers that brush against the top of her head and her cheeks as she walks through them. They hang from thick wire above their heads, shading the area, before opening up once again to the sunlight. Niall’s scanning the same deep purples and lilacs that Levinia is drinking in, but his eyes don’t shine quite as bright as hers.

He follows closely behind her though, as she looks at the arrangements that have swallowed the area--only a small amount of room for patrons to walk through. Levinia’s quiet as she observes each one, only speaking when she’s telling Niall to remind her of the names of certain flowers she’d like to grow in the shop. (He’ll try, but there’s little he can do when botanical names and those that they belong to begin to blur into one another).

There’s cherry blossoms that hang from branches, petunias that manage to remain unwiltering in the sun and humidity. Levinia’s eyes are alight with joy and soft with the peace she feels radiating from within, easing her muscles and warming her insides. And Niall stands only a few feet away from her, eyes transfixed as she glances up at the blossoms above her. A small, delicate hand reaches to touch the soft petals. She’s holding them as if they’ll fall from the tree at any moment and they very possibly could, but Niall’s never seen such softness embodied by a single person.

It’s like a scene out of some romance film. The overdone, impossibly cringy storyline of a boy falling for the quirky girl that was there to catch him when it all fell apart. But, Niall’s heart is thumping against his ribcage and the buzz of crowd in his ears is replaced with the sound of his pulse. His eyes can only seem to focus on the Levinia and the way the rays of light dance and shimmer across her face as they break through the flower canopy above.

. . .

So, maybe that’s why he has been quiet the whole ride back to Levinia’s flat. Choosing to nibble at the already chapped skin there instead of engaging with her. Levinia notices the silence, too, but says nothing. She figures he’s likely tired from spending the entire day in the heat because she certainly is. More than ready to return to the cool air of her small flat and enjoy the remainder of the evening before she’s forced back into reality.

“Thank you for spending the day with me, Ni.” She says, sitting up straighter as the arrangement of various pink and yellow flowers surrounding her shop comes into view. “Really glad you showed up unannounced.” She says, a soft and tired smile creeping onto her lips. “Genuinely, though.”

“Glad I did, too.” He says, parking alongside the curb and unbuckling his seatbelt.

Levinia’s unsurprised when Niall follows closely behind her when she’s outside the vehicle and headed toward the door to her apartment. She’s learned that, even when it’s broad daylight, Niall prefers to walk her to the door. Thinks he does it for Harry as well--just to make sure they’ve gotten in okay. She appreciates it, too. Because even with the can of pepper spray that has taken up permanent residence in her purse and a pretty mean right hook, she feels safer with Niall nearby.

She’s propped her foot against the inside of the door to keep it open after she unlocked it and turns to look at Niall. But, she hadn’t realized just how close he was until her chest brushes against his and their noses are mere millimeters apart. Levinia’s breath catches in her throat at the close proximity. She’s close enough to see the flecks of green and gold in his eyes. Niall’s searching her eyes, too, swirls of gold just around her pupil that he’s never seen until today.

His lips are pressed to hers and it starts out clumsy, Niall’s nerves having gotten the best of him. But, Levinia slots her lips with his and easily establishes a rhythm. A sense of dominance emanating from her that Niall has never been privy to, at least not in this sense. But, he’s relishing in it. Placing a hand at the side of her neck and brushing a thumb across her cheek.

They stay there for a moment before Niall’s pulling back with a quiet laugh.

“‘ve been wanting to do that all day.”

[the-resurrection-3d]

So evidentially the Supreme Court is kicking the can down the road on a Texas law that would try to eliminate social media companies from banning anyone for their “political viewpoints.”

Rambling about it under the cut: 

Okay, so context. As per the Texas Tribune: 

Passed during a special session last year, House Bill 20 does not provide any specific civil penalties for breaking the law besides allowing users to sue to recuperate their court costs from the company found in violation. The law also empowers the attorney general to pursue violations.

The law would ban platforms with more than 50 million monthly users, such as Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, in the U.S. from removing a user over a “viewpoint” and require them to publicly report information about content removal and account suspensions.

And this has me thinking Thinkerly Thoughts about the internet, because I think people are leaving several things out of this discussion: 

1) As many have pointed out, a lot of conservative content is still up, especially on platforms like YouTube where you can get conservative ads or recommendations for Licherally No Reason. The other day I got a literal incel video in my recommended feed, ffs. 

I will admit: I have definitely seen conservatives or libertarians banned or demonetized from places like YouTube without them having done anything actually wrong (i.e. actual hate speech/harassment), but for being too edgy in their humor. I think that’s what people are often missing out on -- the sanitization of the internet for advertisers is a big reason why you’re seeing people getting demonetized or shadowbanned, and this hits both left- and right-wing creators. In the case of comedy, right-wing and libertarian creators probably felt this most immediately.

However, on these same platforms, high-earning creators on either side can have countless fuck-ups without any action being taken, or only the absolute bare minimum. Smaller or even medium-sized creators of all political stripes, by contrast, can just get fucked -- YouTubers for YEARS have talked about how easily the copyright/DMCA system is abused, and it’s extremely common to see people have to run campaigns amongst their fans to mass email and mass tag YouTube or TikTok support just to get a human being to review their case. (Pour one out for my boy Mumkey.) 

2) A lot of content moderation on these big sites like Twitter or TikTok is just fucking garbage. I mean just absolutely godawful. I’ve seen plenty of creators-- open liberals, mind you -- get their accounts restricted or banned for doing nothing other than being the victim of a mass false-flagging operation. Plenty of people have been driven to self-harm or suicide attempts because of unmitigated harassment, and as the recently staff scandal highlights, a lot of these places have the tools to curb harassment/hateful content and yet... don’t. Or don’t do it effectively. 

2.5) A lot of content on social media sites is produced by a very small portion of its actual userbase. Twitter has even had to change how exactly they report userbase metrics to their shareholders because the signal-to-noise ratio on that site is so scuffed (reporting users-viewing-ads rather than merely number of total users). Pew Research Center says that  

an analysis of tweets by this representative sample of U.S. adult Twitter users from June 12 to Sept. 12, 2021, finds that the most active 25% of U.S. adults on Twitter by tweet volume produced 97% of all tweets from these users.

The year before, in 2020, Pew reported that yes, a lot of the extremely online mfers are left-leaning:

Previous Twitter analyses by the Center have found that the platform contains a larger share of Democrats than Republicans. And in addition to being more prevalent on the site in general, the 10% most active Democrats typically produce roughly twice as many tweets in a month (157) as the 10% most active Republicans (79).

What I’m trying to get at here is that the liberal-bias conservatives see on Twitter doesn’t come from nowhere, but I have to wonder how much of it is truly politically motivated removal on the staff’s part, and how much of it is just people getting ratio’d or mass-flagged into oblivion and a bot deciding to remove the post/account because no one wants to deal with that shit. That’s not a political issue so much as, again, the actual content moderation and enforcement of rules being uneven and garbage. 

3) Of course, this specific law was done as a response to Trump getting banned off Twitter, and -- let’s be fucking real here -- a lot of Republicans’ support of free speech doesn’t extend any further than their right to call someone the t-slur, so I’m being incredibly generous here. And again, worth mentioning that this kind of flagging happens to liberals and non-political accounts, too. Just today I saw people calling a French artist a fascist for ... making a cute little gif about how all the political drama on Twitter gives them anxiety. 

So, regardless of the actual constitutionality of these laws (because other states like Florida are trying to do similar shit), I think they’re missing the larger failings in how social media companies handle content moderation. And I think that topic is worth talking about in a less politicized-matter since it has farther-reaching implications than just Trump getting banned.

[maskthesimp]

I feel this in my actual B O N E S

[Very long ramble ahead with sexism, homophobia, toxic traits and just general unfair bullshit found in this community mentioned, and also a ramble about my friend]

I've complained about this repeatedly on multiple platforms, and every time atleast one person calls me sexist,, Like no??? It's true, the fanfic community has had afab and female people as it's baseline since it's creation.

So much so that people only specify gender whenever it isn't a female reader. By that I mean "x Reader" always has female readers, but isn't specified. I've never seen an "x Reader" where its a Male reader. The only ones I've seen are ones where it actually says "x Male Reader". The amount of times I've had situations that Werewolf just explained is unbelievable, it happens ATLEAST (usually more) 7 times per reading session before I find a fanfic that actually works for me. And alot of the time I just can't find one, and give up or just write one myself.

And when it is written for Male Readers, it's always got what I call the "Guts x Kirito Trope". The reader is usually a massively buff man-daddy, and gets all the girls and is a big ole Gary Sue (no hate to Guts, he's great, his body type is just always what the Reader is built like body-wise). A similar thing applies to female readers, usually seen in "Y/N moments" because the situations are so unrealistic, stupid, and the female reader is always a snarky/brat, lovesick, sub who is also a badass.

I actually have a friend who spent alot of her time on Wattpad and AO3 for most of her child hood, and we used to do role plays together over text (they were always based on two characters she shipped from a form of media, whether it was movies, TV, books etc), but she would always play the female main character and I'd always end up playing the Male Character crush. The issue was she'd put her entire personality into the main character, which was always the typical Y/N stereotypes I described above. And because of this, I had to do the typical "Brooding, loner, dom who is a brat tamer" stereotypes because that's what she liked. This is still her personality too, very typical Y/N personality like her life is in a fanfic. I don't have a particular issue with her personality, but she very much leans into the fanfic-style idea of our world, and it can come across as almost naive because she treats the world like it's a fanfic (including her relationships), which can be very frustrating sometimes when having a serious conversation, and when she assumes things about the mental illness and identity traits regarding multiple people in our friend group (including me, having even described my hyperfixation on my crush as "obsessive", because she didn't think to research what a hyperfixation was, and based it off how she saw it in fanfics).

The problem with the Fanfic community is that it's content is 99% overused tropes, clichés, and unrealistic character types, which is a combination you could only find in a Twilight movie or 50 Shades. Add in the biased baseline for female readers, and very misused portrayals of Queer couples and Mental Illness, and you get an absolute mess of a community. So much so that my friend ended up embodying the toxic effects of the community in her personality. This has actually been recognised by everyone in our friend group, and my best friend described her as "2016 Tumblr as a person".

People like Finn are what keeps me coming back to fanfics because xe actually fucking tags xeir content and doesn't show bias in his readers, and allows readers of multiple genders and identities. I haven't seen any annoying and inaccurate portrayals of Queerness as a "quirky little activity" either which is so refreshing Finn I love you <3 /p

This community has massive issues with sexism, homophobia and bias, but there's these small corners of it that just hit the right spot and are clean of these issues, and they're growing massively!

Sorry for the long rant, I've had these issues for years now and it's something I'm very passionate about. Thank you Finn, and every writer I follow who keeps my love for fanfics alive <3

I just read through a smut fic only for it to turn out to be a female reader...... Aaaaaaahhhh why can't people tag things properly or just put the gender of the reader in the title!!!!

God I feel you there. Female + afab readers being the baseline is so frustrating

[captain-sili]

T'noying Puns

Rating: Teen

Random: Star Trek (technically)

Word count: 1,020

Warnings: Cursing

Tags: @zode-333 @silverwolf1523 @onedamnminuteadmiral @outside-the-government @star-trekkin-across-theuniverse @bonesmctightass (gonna add you unless you don’t want me too :3)

Summary: During a stressful day, and with the help of a little coffee, Sili’ decides to return T'noys puns.

Authors Note: Just a little request from my friend. Probably bad but ehh. My apologies for any bad spacing. Transferring from docs to here sucks.

~

It is a typical day here at the NSA. Reports coming and going, engineers busy fixing machines, and a ton of coffee. I am well aware that I should not be drinking this much coffee, but with all the work I have had recently, it helps. You see, to Nitalians, alcohol has no effect on us, however, coffee does. It can intoxicate us if we are not careful with how we drink it. That is why, according to T’noy, I drink my coffee “paler than I am.” The creamer and sweetener help cancel out the intoxicating effects. However, even though it does help cancel out the effects, it does not completely get rid of them. The more I drink, the worse I get. You can probably tell that I am rambling on way too much on a topic that is unimportant at the moment. Anyway, I suppose I should stop drinking coffee for the day.

I push my chair out and stand up. I have to get the new reports from T’noy and read over them. All is very busy during times of war, and these reports will tell if we are in the clear. Sybok has many different tricks up his sleeve, and has sent scouts out on multiple occasions. My navigators have spotted signs of tampering with important machines, that is damaged, could set us back by another week, leaving us vulnerable to attack. This is either a sign of Sybok’s doing, or potentially traitors. This would not be the first time that some foolish Nitalians have decided to mess around with things that they should not be messing with, or purposely attempting to damage NSA property. For the sake of saving time, I would prefer if it was Sybok’s doing. Dealing with traitors would involve multiple questionings over the course of several days, and we do not have enough time for that. If there are Tronians here, however, it will be a simpler process. A interrogation session will be held, and if no information is given by the intruders, they will be executed. It may seem harsh, but we cannot afford to let any of our enemies off the hook and let them roam free. They could acquire information and return to Sybok with ways to hurt or damage us. The last thing we need during a time like this is a physical weakness to be made known to Sybok.

  I head down the corridor to the meeting room. I had told T’noy to gather up some officers and discuss our new plan with them. The more officers to be familiar with the plan, the better. Besides, it is best to get multiple opinions on the plan, for even I, make mistakes, especially since I am running off of less than an hour of sleep for the week. Doctor K’dun’ai has not stopped berating me about my lack of sleep. He does not understand that there is just not enough time for me to sleep more than absolutely necessary. I am constantly going back and forth from the meeting rooms, to the engine rooms, to the report room. There is just no time to sleep.

  I notice several officers running down the hallway with stacks of papers. I assumed that they were going to spread the workd of the new plan, since they had ran out of the meeting room. When I arrive at the meeting room, T’noy walks over with a handful of paper.

  “We are almost done talking about the new plan. I have all the notes written down here.” T’noy says handing me the stack of paper. There are roughly 20 sheets of notes and information. Hopefully this will be enough to set this plan to action.

“Thank you, T’noy. This should be more than enough to get a basis for this plan.” I turn and start to walk away. After a few seconds T’noy is at my side walking in step.

  “You know, you really ought to take a break, Sili’. You’ve been working non-stop for the past week!” T’noy says throwing his hands up.

“There is not enough time for rest.”

“Bullshit.” T’noy swears. “You haven’t slept in a week, and you’re drinking way too much coffee in too little of a time.”

“I am perfectly fine, T’noy.” T’noy huffs at this getting frustrated by my lack of cooperation. I keep on walking down the corridor. I need to deliver these papers to my navigators, so that they can figure how long it would to take to carry out this plan.

“Sili’ you are being ridiculous. At the very least take a break for a while.” T’noy steps in front of me blocking my path. He will not stop until I either give him a job that requires him away from me, or I physically lock him outside of the room that I am in. I sigh and look up at him.

“For the last time, there is no time for breaks or rest. We are already running behind schedule, and have a lot that we need to catch up on. Not to mention we have visitors that could either be traitors or trespassers. Now either move out of my way, or head back to the meeting room where you are supposed to be.” I push past him and keep walking.

“Quit being Silly, and take a damn break.” T’noy says crossing his arms. I stop and turn around.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, you’re really selling yourself short. You vul-can take a break you know?” T’noy smirks smugly at his puns. He does this quite often, along with some of the other high officers. Usually I ignore them and move on. However..

“Your puns are really starting to T’noy me" I say flatly. T’noy let’s his arms drop to his sides as he stares in disbelief.

“Holy shit you made a pun. Wait- mother fucker that was a pun with my name!” T’noy yells. Ignoring him, I continue my way down the corridor, leaving a frustrated and shocked T’noy behind. Perhaps I have had a bit too much coffee for the day.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 23rd June 2019

Typically I’d call a week where we have two top 10 debuts pretty busy but when that and a couple Drake songs are basically all we have, it’s not that big of a deal... but these very few new arrivals will have a lot to unwrap, so part of me thinks this won’t be a short episode at all.

Top 10

There were three songs I figured would definitely make a play for the top spot this week thanks to both star power and controversy. None of them even got close, because Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber are still at number-one for a sixth week since its debut. There’s a better Ed Sheeran song in the top 10, can we get that up instead?

Stormzy’s “Vossi Bop” is only moving up two spaces this week because of the collapse of the songs above him, but I’m not complaining his boost to the runner-up spot.

Similarly, Billie Eilish’s “bad guy” is up two spaces to number-three.

Unfortunately, this boost has lead Lewis Capaldi’s “Hold Me While You Wait” up an identical set of placements to number-four.

Now, we have the first guess I had for number-one, and that is “You Need to Calm Down” by Taylor Swift, which debuted at #2 in America, becoming her 13th Top 10 hit over here in the UK. We’ll talk more about this one later, and it’s definitely a can of worms I’m worried to open.

The Chris Brown song debuting last week, “No Guidance” featuring Drake, has also had a two-space boost up to number-six, because of Drake and not because of the fading relevance of Chris Brown.

Oddly, “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus has taken a hit five spots down to number-seven, but I really doubt this won’t be rebounding because of Nas’ EP that released last week.

Now this was my second guess for number-one, “Cross Me” by Ed Sheeran featuring Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock, up a singular space to number-eight this week. I think it’s a lock for the top five next week considering the video release, but we’ll see.

At number-nine, we have the late Avicii’s “SOS” featuring Aloe Blacc down two positions.

Finally, my third guess for number-one and one I’m surprised performed as it did. This is Little Mix’s “Bounce Back”, and that title is quite ironic but more on that later. Nevertheless, it’s their 14th UK Top 10 hit since their debut, and we’ll talk more about the song itself when it comes to it.

Climbers

There aren’t all too many here, but what is here I’m not exactly complaining about at all, because these are songs I really like. “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike, which is an insanely good song, has had a pretty large 10-space boost to #21, and I’ve  been rooting for this to get into the top 20 for a while now. There’s also last week’s debut which I quite liked, “Strike a Pose” by Young T & Bugsey featuring Aitch up five to #25, but that’s pretty much it. I wouldn’t usually note a song which is up four spaces either, but “Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey is at #22 now and I am rooting for this song so much, I am not giving up until this hits #1, it’s an outstanding song.

Fallers

Now we have a lot more of these to say the least. Starting in reverse order, “What Do You Mean?” by Skepta featuring J Hus is down 14 to #39, with “Greaze Mode” also by Skepta featuring Nafe Smallz down nine to #37 and “All Day and Night” by Jax Jones and Martin Solveig presenting EUROPA featuring Madison Beer down a whopping twenty-four spaces to #34 thanks to streaming cuts. We also have “Heaven” by the late Avicii featuring Chris Martin down eight spaces to #28 (The quicker the better), “Shine Girl” by MoStack featuring Stormzy down 10 spots to #23, “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi unfortunately not switching its spot with another Capaldi single as it’s down five to #17, speaking of, “Someone You Loved” is finally out of the top 10, down eight to #11, but I feel it’ll be back again when Little Mix drop off a bit.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

MoStack is proving his lack of longevity compared to Skepta as both of his album bomb hits from last week, “I’m the One” featuring Fredo and “Stinking Rich” featuring Dave and J Hus, are out from #39 and #19 respectively – probably because they weren’t any good in the first place. We also have the absolute collapse for Liam Gallagher’s “Shockwave” out from #22, but I don’t expect post-Oasis Gallagher singles to ever have any legs, so it’s fine. Thanks to hype dying down about the Detective Pikachu film the song was made for, “Carry On” by Kygo and Rita Ora is out from #35 and I don’t expect it to come back. Oh, and that Jonas Brothers song, “Sucker”, is out from #40 – finally. We do actually have a returning entry also, because “Summer Days” by Martin Garrix, Macklemore and Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy is back to #36. A lot of the songs outside the top 20 are showing promise actually, I’m definitely seeing a lot of improvement within the Top 40 and I’m excited for these to become fully fledged Summer hits. I’m also glad to hear a Macklemore verse on the charts again. This dude gets too much slack.

“ALBUM” BOMB?

Drake – The Best in the World Pack

This isn’t exactly an album but it’s an EP or single or whatever, a two-pack? I don’t know, but it’s Drake debuting two songs from the same project, so I’m going to count this as the third episode in a row with an album bomb. Drake’s “Best in the World Pack” is just a group of two trap bangers to celebrate the win of the Toronto Raptors, or whatever, I don’t care about American or in this case Canadian sport, I just have to review the music every week.

#33 – “Omertá” – Drake

Produced by OZ, EY and Deats

This is Drake’s 48th UK Top 40 hit, which is something I didn’t think could even possibly happen but sure, let’s go with it. This is one extended verse which a pretty janky guitar-lead trap beat behind it, with gliding strumming and an organ, it’s not all that awful of a production, but then Drake bores me insanely with his ramblings about “Mob tradition” because of course, he has mob ties (Lotta ties, lotta tieeeeeees) and he really wants us to know. So, he brings up Pusha T in his monotonous, droning delivery as he would typically do, with flows that sound like he’s just thinking of it on the spot and not really putting any effort in to connect his bars, in a typical Drake way where he develops the rhyme scheme by halting the momentum of his verse completely. There’s no mention of the Toronto Raptors, it’s just about him and honestly, it’s just something we’ve heard so many times before. The self-proclaimed “Petty king” doesn’t really have any interesting bars mostly because he doesn’t attempt wordplay. He’s just stating “I’m rich and got mob ties” a lot of the time, and then his verse literally fades out, but it sounds like it was right in the middle of a bar and he wanted to continue, but the producer cut him off. I don’t know, I don’t care.

#13 – “Money in the Grave” – Drake featuring Rick Ross

Produced by Cydney Christine, Ljay Currie and Asoteric

This beat was produced by an Instagram model, and is Drake’s 49th UK Top 40 hit, as well as Rick Ross’ something or other, I’m not going to bother counting especially since the Wikipedia page doesn’t list UK as a section in his featured singles so I’d have to go page by page. But yes, as expected with no-name producers, this beat isn’t any interesting and feels like a pretty non-subtle way of blending the new West Coast bounce that is very prominent now but keeping it safe with a menacing trap beat so it’s not as jarring and can age better than the people who really care about the culture and making West Coast hip hop about their experiences in that environment. Oh, but this song also kind of bangs to be honest with you. It’s a bit too non-existent for my taste, and by that I mean Drake’s vocals are mixed a tad too loud, I feel, and while his bars usually connect, they often feel a bit too much like sentences that just drift away from one ear to out the other, although some of them I remember because they’re especially kind of dumb, where he uses the fact that he’s friends with Max B to hit Kanye with another jab as well as saying he’s going to get a face tattoo, which Drake is definitely a bit too safe for. Also, he says this:

I got two phones, one need a charge / Yeah, they twins, I could tell they ass apart

How do these two lines make sense together? I don’t like to nitpick but Drake’s a rapper rapper so I feel the need to say that these lines directly juxtapose each other.

Anyway, this song is shorter than “Omertá” and actually has a chorus, yet is somehow just as boring, because Drake is way too dull to carry a beat this safe and only slightly West Coast-tinted so it has no real bounce, since it’s still grounded in a stilted trap beat. Rick Ross sounds half-asleep but his verse is pretty good, I especially like his inflections on “Bounce” and everything that rhymes with it. Also, his guest verse tag, the “M-Maybach Music”, will always be fire. I hope his pear diet is going well, but overall this just isn’t very interesting. How about we bring back a segment we haven’t done in a while just to show what real charisma and energy is in trap?

FEATURED SINGLE

“Lalala” – Y2K and bbno$

Produced by Y2K

Y2K is a producer who I haven’t heard much from, but the Canadian MC bbno$ is from the same camp as meme-rapper Yung Gravy, but I’d like to think they’re more than a meme and instead just rappers who use humorous and comedic deliveries to propel their punchlines and that’s never more evident than it is with bbno$’s breakout track that was released off of the back of a viral marketing campaign, “Lalala”. This song is dripping with carefree attitudes towards the music and shows how they’re actually having fun, which is something I didn’t notice with Drake and Rick Ross at all this week. The song starts with a short back-and-forth outtake from the recording sessions, which isn’t distracting enough to feel unwarranted on repeat listens, especially since it just takes eight seconds for that beat to drop and it wastes absolutely no time to get into it. The beat is a slick trap production infused with bouncy Latin guitar and occasional beeping noises, with bbno$’s delivery really shining out as he essentially just has three different choruses. The chorus is insanely catchy and he rides the beat with his high-pitched, somewhat mocking tone but the “verses” (Which feel like a different chorus) has an even more fun, somewhat emo-influenced flow, which I noticed because of the nasal tones of his voice and lack of need to really enunciate a single word he says. It’s not like the content is all that interesting, but there are quirks about it that really show his background as a meme/comedy-rapper, especially the use of the word “Wristicle” and instead of directly bragging about all the stacks he’s throwing, he starts the first verse with flexing his stable credit card score, with even some cool wordplay about Canada thrown in there. The nonsense chorus is so fun, and even when he breaks out of the two typical flows for a more typical triplet flow he puts on an accent and just runs out of words to say, but instead of feeling incompetent (Which it still kind of is but that’s the point), this feels like the dude is actually having fun and you know, enjoying his job and his lavish lifestyle – which, by the way, is probably not that lavish. The dude says the word “Wristicle” several times in the chorus, do you REALLY think he’s getting any?

EDIT: I have just found out he does not say “Wristicle” and instead says “Wrist, it go”. My headcanon is better. But yeah, check this out, it has a pretty kicking Latin groove behind the trap beat and mocking lyrics, it’s great.

NEW ARRIVALS

#10 – “Bounce Back” – Little Mix

Produced by Swiff D and Stargate – Peaked at #2 in Scotland

I can’t help but think this is pretty seriously underperforming. Okay, sure, a top 10 debut is nothing to scoff at, but history’s told us you expect a Little Mix single to hit the top spot, so after “Woman Like Me” stalled at #2 and the album wasn’t as successful (Although still massive), I have full belief that they’ve made the worst decision possible, having a rushed single to alleviate fears of falling off, and sadly that often leads to even less success with that single and album. The last time they made a comeback, it was special, but this is an afterthought single. Oh, yeah, well, the song isn’t all that awful, it’s got a pretty fun bounce reminiscent of both trap and New Orleans hip hop of the 90s, although it does feel like a pretty cheap, manufactured rendition. You can REALLY tell this is one of these rushed singles, as the vocal mixing isn’t as flashy as usual, in fact the whole song is really odd, to be honest. After Jesy’s rap verse about taking Vitamin D (That hasn’t been done before, I’m sure), there’s a meaningless pre-chorus from Jade that just repeats a bunch of words that don’t really add anything to the song at all, like I’m fine with bland lyrics but come on, it’s just a bunch of faux-female empowerment/sex song buzzwords, before a really janky chorus that just sounds like one of the girls but it’s apparently all of them? They have an interpolation of “Back to Life” by Soul II Soul, but since the production is too lowkey and minimalistic, the chorus taken straight from that track, a much more glamorous and over-the-top song, it doesn’t work being translated to a moody sex song, in fact the fact that it’s four girls on the chorus probably makes it so much worse than just having Perrie, the more audible one. Then there’s a plastic-ass sax solo and I give up, this really isn’t even trying to have a pop spectacle anymore. Big Sean did it better. Also, I have started watching Celebrity Gogglebox specifically for when this band appears on the charts, because then I can know the names and any Mixers who find my blog won’t get mad at me for accidentally calling one manufactured pop star by the name of another manufactured pop star. When their onstage personalities are this similar, I don’t feel the need to care. The only one that shines out to me is Jesy because she’s the most obnoxious and genuinely awful, mostly because she tries to rap and AAAAAAAAAAAA

#5 – “You Need to Calm Down” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Joel Little and Taylor Swift – Peaked at #1 in Scotland and #2 in the US

Can I skip this one as well? No? Okay, well, first of all, I do not like this song’s lyrical content not because I’m a raging homophobic hillbilly as the video may suggest. In fact, I think the video’s got a larger issue than the song itself, where she uses slang inherited from both black LGBTQ+ as well as stan culture to get her point across, as it paints all of the people who are negative towards LGBTQ+ culture, and no it’s not a generic empowerment anthem, she explicitly says the word “gay” in the pre-chorus, as poor and just Texan hillbillies without a sense of fashion. First of all, nobody’s protesting Taylor Swift of all people, so I have a sense that this is making the issue about herself. Second of all, we should be fighting the people in power with backwards ideals, and I feel like she doesn’t know who is actually suppressing the community, which would be the people up top who are making the laws and controlling society from their government buildings, making decisions for what’s “best” for America, and they’re usually not just hicks who’ve never seen a grand in their lives to say the least, they’re usually suit-and-tie types with net worths that’d make the Monopoly man cry himself to sleep. Also, I feel like once again, she makes the video about herself. The scene where she makes up with Katy Perry in fast food costumes is supposed to be cute but it takes away from the message at hand and really just distracts from the actual topic, which is, you know, LGBTQ+ communities and oppressed communities as a whole, not Katy freaking Perry. This type of pandering content from the 1% usually bothers me and profits aren’t going to charity, but she is giving to them and she is being vocal about these issues so what am I to complain? She’s bringing LGBTQ+ people (Most already in the spotlight) to the spotlight—oh wait, yeah, that’s dumb, the video is less of a profitable pride parade and more of both a PR statement and a misguided attempt that just ends up as a “Bad Blood”-type celebrity cameo frenzy. The song isn’t any good either, it’s a pretty bland synth-pop track that directly rips off “Paper Planes” by M.I.A., which, to be fair sampled its bassline from the Clash, but I can’t listen to this song without thinking of the beautiful jacksfilms video  comparing the two songs. Also, “you need to calm down”? “You need to just stop”? What a powerful statement, that is, Taylor(!), and your disinterested rap flows don’t help, with corny lines about taking shots at HER, let me repeat, HER, like it’s Patron and the haters just being mad, when they can be... GLAAD. Sigh.

Conclusion

I spent some time talking about how I was excited for the Summer hits, but none of these debuts are good. At all. That’s pretty great though because none of them sound like they’ll stick around except Taylor, and we all know how “ME!” is doing so maybe not even that. Worst of the Week goes to Taylor Swift for “You Need to Calm Down” and we have a tied Dishonourable Mention to Little Mix and Drake for “Bounce Back” and “Omertá”. Uh, I guess Best of the Week can go to Drake for “Money in the Grave”, but trust me, that is because of Rick Ross and no one else. Follow me on @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

[utopianparadoxist]

Dirk Strider is made out of love, prince of my heart, i love him so much.

You didnt ask for this but you put Dirk and love in the same sentence and this is what i’ve been thinking about so lets goIm gonna ramble about how much Dirk would love John Egbert and Jade Harley like, instantly, he did conceptually before he even met them but the instant they meet Dirk is permanently owned and has that many more people he’d happily die for because: Dirk loves Jane and Jake more than life itself, and John and Jade are…their kids basically. And early on Dirk cannot unsee that. The biggest treason this fandom has ever committed to my person is ignoring the fact that Dirk Strider would fucking melt himself to death even looking at John Egbert or Jade Harley and deconstructing all the little ways they’re like Jake and Jane and thinking about his typical self-loathing shit like “god those two would’ve been so happy together I’m such an ass for getting in the way look at them their kids are perfect they’re so good–”  

before Jake like puts his arm around Dirk’s shoulders and all thoughts immediately stop if they’re dating again, it’s probably a source of great angst for Dirk before they are and one of the bigger reasons he stays away. Maybe Jake and Jane will get the idea and be happy together. Someone write this for me thanks. 

Anyway that got too sad so back to Dirk’s relationship with the ectokids. Early on in Earth C John gets the impression Dirk hates him early on and pranks him pretty hard and often but while it kind of annoys Dirk when all his meticulously set up horsecam figurines get their heads swapped (and john breaks some of them in the process) he’s mostly just reminded that things with him and Jane are still awkward enough that he hasn’t gotten this from HER and he’s a torn up bag of “Fuck I miss her” and “Fuck I can’t believe how much I care about her goober ecto-son already” and NONE of this gets across his stoic demeanor so all john gets is that poker face. It takes them fucking forever to be actual friends and I’m not sure what does it but its probably the formidable teamwork of Jake and Dave who get sick of the awkwardness eventually. Meanwhile Dirk is 100% in awe of and terrified of disappointing Jade Harley who he A) cannot stop thinking about as JAKE’S GRANDMA and “OH GOD WHAT IF SHE DISSAPROVES WHAT IF I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH WHAT IF-”- and B) Cannot stop thinking about as SO MUCH like Jane it kills him. She’s so no-nonsense and down to business and whenever he starts rambling too much about philosophy or some bullshit she just looks at him like … and he’s like “Ok I’ll shut up.”  The way Jade moves in a science lab is EXACTLY like Jane moves in a kitchen (or later, a business meeting) and Dirk knows because he learned the ins and outs of that movement by heart across so many video cam sessions growing up. Everything about Jade Harley destroys Dirk and he thinks she’s the fucking coolest and there’s basically no part of him that didn’t love her from the word go Dirk manages to work up the will to keep everyone else (but Jake) out of his private garage but not Jade, Dirk’s got all this futuretech practice and as SOON as Jade catches wind of this she’s like “Hey dirk! Alt!Callie handed me the secrets of the universe and basically i need a bigger workshop and better science can you help me out” and that’s basically his main project for the next two years is catching Jade up on 400 years of scientific progress (Jake tags along) and having to work on his weirdo animatronic shit that he was GOING to use his garage for originally in like, one of the cramped floors of Jake’s jungle globe insteadBut it’s fine cause it makes Jade happy and getting to be helpful to Jade is like a dream come fucking true and Jake is so happy whenever he and Jade get to talking about some interesting intersection of philosophy and science or furries or whatever. The first time Jade gives him a friendly smack on the back Dirk jumps so hard he hits the roof.

Give Dirk Strider love thanks