#They're so insidious lol

[yiddishfisting]

gd liberal zionists like this are so fucking pathetic lol YOU'RE A ZIONIST. FULL STOP. stop fucking waffling about it as if you actually give a shit about palestinians

also as an actual antizionist jew i think we should absolutely treat zionists like terfs. they're in the same category of genocidal fascist

[the-maddened-hatter]

Edit: @decapodsrandomfandom here's the post I was talking about (sorry if you had already found it, I just know tumblr's search function sucks lol)

AU based off Nature except I kept thinking about it too hard. Dales not a good dad, but its such an easy problem for him to throw money at, and what do you do when a part is damaged? Well, you replace it.

Basically an AU where Dev gets to experience medical trauma and realizes much sooner how much his dad doesn't love him

[strangefa11]

This question may have a more obvious answer because I don't remember a lot of TMA.

How did Tim and Danny end up in Jon and Martin's care? What was their adjustment period like?

Furthermore, what was Jon and Martin's adjustment period like after ending up somewhere new? Do either of them have any of powers from their previous life?

Sorry if these are too much. I just really like your AU 😅

it’s not too much at all!! This did turn out super long though so there’re some details I had to skip… oops… but anyway I tried to go in chronological order. I hope this answers your questions tl;dr at the end :3

Okok so after MAG 200 Jon and Martin arrive somewhere else along with the fears. Their bodies come with them, so still have all their scars and marks (and also Jon is bleeding out lol). The somewhere else they end up in is similar to their original universe in some ways but also very different in others, for instance the Magnus Institute doesn’t exist. Because of the differences the fears also manifest differently than they used to, almost exclusively as (mostly) physical monsters rather than the more insidious metaphysical presence that they have in the podcast. Also no Leitners but I think that’s more because the fears only just arrived so they haven’t had time to appear yet (hint hint).

Jmart still have their connections to their entities as well as their abilities but those are also different, they focus more on the physical aspects of the entities as well. Jon isn’t omniscient anymore, he still Knows things occasionally but in general his abilities are a little more related to watching than archiving (the reason for that is an explanation all on its own so I’ll skip it for now in the interest of not making this TOO long). He also heals from being stabbed pretty immediately but I think that’s more of a one time thing than a consistent ability afterwards.

Martin’s abilities are mostly more specifically centred around fog and physical isolation than emotional distance. They're also a lot weaker than Jon’s (another explanation I’ll save for later lol)

They manage to get themselves together and get jobs and a home etc etc the specifics of all that don't really matter. They meet Tim a few years later while he's being chased by a monster (I think it's probably a Dark monster). They save him (Jon melts it or something).

Through talking to Tim they learn a few things 1) he’s definitely the somewhere else version of their Tim Stoker 2) he’s in foster care with his brother 3) he encountered the monster after sneaking out. After learning these things Jmart naturally do the responsible adult thing and help him sneak back into the house after making him promise not to sneak out again.

Obviously Tim wants to know more about the monster that tried to eat him so after some convincing they tell him he can visit them at the library Martin works at.

Tim starts visiting them semi-regularly, sometimes Danny comes along. Jmart tell him a little about the fears but not about their past at first. Eventually they learn from Tim that the foster home isn't great. It’s not outright abusive but the couple is very conservative christian and it’s just not a good fit. Tim doesn’t want to move, though, because he’s worried he and Danny will be separated.

They don't actually adopt Tim and Danny until after they’ve already gotten to know them fairly well, and they start with fostering them. So the adjustment period is a little more natural. I will say they definitely get to know and bond with Tim a lot faster than Danny. Danny definitely follows Tim’s lead though so he’s more inclined to trust them when he sees that his big brother likes them.

There’s a bunch more I could say about the specifics of the fear mechanics in the new world and the details of Tim and Danny’s history but this is already way longer than I planned so I’m gonna cut it here for now :’)

TL;DR: The fears are a little different in the new universe but Jmart do still have their fear abilities, they rescue Tim from a monster and eventually adopt him and Danny from their less than ideal foster home.

[sepublic]

IDW Transformers’ take on the war and the origins of the Decepticons was one of those things that was rly thoughtful and interesting to read as a kid (so as the target demographic I guess lol) only as an adult to have some rly troubling implications like the ones you pointed out. I was EXTREMELY relieved that TF One swapped it back so that the Autobots are the low-class miners and the Decepticons were the military (closer to the original cartoon anyway) while still using the IDW comics as inspiration in other ways.

Transformers One is such a strange case for me because on the one hand, it's propaganda. I'm sorry but it's transparently propaganda, it's executives embracing IDW's attempt at "maturity" that well-intentioned or not, inevitably paints the revolutionaries as villains by having them arbitrarily blow up an orphanage, because we gotta demonize revolutionaries who use violence.

We gotta warn kids of the dangers of the violent revolution, because revolution is only permitted if peaceful! Let's just ignore what we were taught about the American Revolution... Seriously, look at the elites' response to Brian Thompson's assassination!

That being said. This is like 95% speculation. But there are clear differences between IDW and Transformers One. So to me, personally, it feels like the writers —Eric Pearson, Andrew Barrer, and Gabriel Ferrari— were aware of the issues of the IDW premise. They were given a basic outline by executives. And so they opted to smooth over the issues as much as they could, work with it, while still being stuck with that basic problem at the end of the day.

So as you've said, I appreciate Orion and D-16 being working-class bots, that they're both coming from the same place. I appreciate the framing of Orion's opposition coming from the concept of Anti-Death Penalty, that no government should have the power to execute people. I appreciate the implications of D-16 siding with disgruntled military soldiers, whose only idea of fixing society is to destroy enemies.

There's something to be said about people who fantasize purely on committing violence, without any of the actual work of rebuilding and keeping things running! That's why Orion's rebellion consists of his fellow miners. I can see the implication, that even if D-16 hadn't gone off, there would inevitably be friction between the High Guard's jingoism and the civilians when Orion reformats things, and bans the death penalty.

...But again, again! D-16 is a black man. Not literally but he's voiced by Brian Tyree Henry, anyone can hear his voice. And his chanting of "Rise up" is juxtaposed with Orion Pax, who is voiced by white MCU star Chris Hemsworth. It feels ridiculous how the movie bends over backwards to paint D-16 as evil with shots of civilians running away from the convenient collateral of his shots, but nothing like that is ever shown with our protagonists and their damage!

B slicing up other Cybertronians is treated as a gag, but Sentinel's life and death matters more than his guards' which is uh. A weird way to frame things. I guess maybe it's because D-16 is doing it out of "reckless anger" whereas B isn't trying to...? But ultimately, the violence of our protagonists is meant to be framed as out of strict necessity, which is something I have to acknowledge.

I can't say for sure what Pearson, Barrer, and Ferrari were thinking. I appreciate Transformers One for smoothing out the edges. But I can't help but see D-16 as a pastiche of BLM activists, of the UHC shooter, because he's willing to be angry and violent towards his oppressors. He's a black man who gets branded and his violence is treated as exceptional and unique because of his anger, meanwhile B's kills are a gag.

There's an irony in that Sentinel's higher-class life is treasured by the narrative, but the lives of his comparatively lower-class bodyguards are worth nothing. The pervasiveness, it felt insidious; It genuinely kept me from enjoying the final battle between Optimus and Megatron, how the narrative wants to be triumphant but the dark undertone can’t be ignored. Call me a buzzkill.

I know people think this sort of trope is meant to be 'nuanced', that it makes for a more 'interesting' villain, one you can relate to and sympathize with. See yourself in. But in the end, you can only go so far in "reclaiming" a stereotype. You can't be in utter denial of the subtext and intention behind it. You can't claim this is actually good writing, I thought we were liking these villains out of spite, not in support of a narrative we think is secretly on our side too!

That executives need a revolution story where the ultimate villain who causes even more violence in the long run is, GASP, a revolutionary who shows people like them no mercy, is telling. There can only be a revolution in media if it shows the elite being deliberately spared at all costs, even to the point of Orion sacrificing his own life (Even if for D-16’s soul), while their own workers like those bodyguards are just fodder.

G1 was not the pinnacle of Leftist media but it was also inoffensive and knew what it was. This is… different.

[kirkwallguy]

i agree with your takes on dragon age's relationship with queer content a lot. a straight female inquisitor (bonus point if elf) gets the most romance options, zevran and leliana's romance feels secondary *by narrative* compared to romances of characters who's a warden/king alistair and morrigan, sebastian being bisexual being a cut content*

* i just don't get it why the templar boys always got to be straight. like why can't men engage with their romances and experience this narrative when chantry and religion is so important for the story of these games? after all romance adds a different perspective for all characters.

here we have veilguard, the pansexual crew, and well... the romance content is the weakest in franchise

and i'm not saying queer romances were bad btw!! its just that i wish people who wants to play mlm or wlw get to see such perspectives in the story or these characters' stories too. like a male warden romancing alistair and all the juicy stuff that comes with it (the hurt or angst or the complications. are you sparing loghain? did you just marry the love of your life off to his sister-in-law for the future of your beloved country? did he become a drunkard visiting bars after bars because of the decisions you made even tough you were intimate?)

no exactly! i do tend to want to give them some slack given they're very Of Their Time (for a 2009 game even including bisexual options was scandalous, and dorian's bare bones coming out narrative was pretty standard for 2013 tv shows / rare in aaa games) but it annoys me when people act like they're these flawless beacons of queer rep that you can't criticise just because we should be happy with being given anything at all. even if you don't count seb, 1/2 of the games pretty much require you to play an f/m relationship in order to experience a narratively relevant relationship. i find dai more insidious tbh because like... sure, don't make solas bi for whatever reasons you want to give. but cass and blackwall? there's 0 reason for them to be straight lol. (especially the bait and switch where you're allowed to flirt with cass as a woman for AGES before she turns you down despite characters like cullen shutting you down on the first flirt. it's funny when you do it intentionally but just feels cruel otherwise?) at least leliana and zevran feel like they're doing the most they were allowed to do

a gay or bisexual chantry/templar character who struggles with their sexuality would be SO interesting. honestly it would require more introspection about thedas' attitude towards sexuality than da has ever done - i feel like they could have done a fun subplot with this in da2 honestly.

and the thing about the dav characters is... they went to great lengths to make sure they avoided the playersexual allegations, multiple characters had a past where they dated people of various genders, taash having a preference for women was mentioned (in the weirdest way possible) but i still... don't know how they feel about their sexuality at all? neve is a tevinter mage, did her liking women play a part in her seeing through the issues with the system? does bellara have any lingering feelings about irelin at all? did harding realise she didn't have to be straight when she joined the inquisition and met people outside of her small ferelden town? (potential extra dialogue for an f/f romancing inquisitor???) it doesn't need to be a big Thing, but just a one-off dialogue during romance (davrin m/m exclusive dialogue on your date: "the first time i brought a man to meet my uncle i was so nervous etc etc") or a comment during a banter. it just establishes a little bit more about the characters and stops them feeling so flat... then again ig that's an issue with the whole game LOL.

[oflights]

there's no way quidditch is actually fun imo. like i know the seeker thing and how illogical it is has been talked to death but the whole overall concept is so stupid. imagine you're a world class chaser and you're amazing and everything you do is invalidated (or validated) by the performance of one specific player who has nothing else to do with the rest of the players. you have good stats but your win record means absolutely nothing.

there's little strategy; a good defense depends entirely the keeper, which is another way all the positions are just completely disconnected from each other. they could all be playing different sports and nothing would make a difference. beaters are there for Violence ("ethically mean-spirited"). god there are so many bludger moments in fic (and in the books too tbh) that are so dramatic and injurious and it's literally just the beaters playing their stupid position the way they're meant to lol.

i know the reasonings behind this are like: jkr fundamentally doesn't understand sports in even basic ways; the seeker position has to be for The Most Special Guy and that has to be harry always because he wouldn't be Special Enough if the entire game didn't ride on his shoulders; jkr is a bad writer. very annoying that this huge insidious piece of worldbuilding is so bad!!!

[call-me-rucy]

Beginning by the beginning (1)

I guess this is the start of my "The Vor Game" live blog! Full disclosure, I'm already 15% into the book so I'll be using this post (and maybe some others) to quickly recap my thoughts up to date.

The story so far:

Shards of Honor

Barrayar

The Warrior’s Apprentice

The Vor Game (I am here!)

Cetaganda

Ethan of Athos

Borders of Infinity

Brothers of Arms

Mirror Dance

Memory

Warning: I'm reading the Spanish 2019 edition, and I'm a translation nerd so I'll be commenting a lot of that.

For starters, the title in spanish "El juego de los Vor", already lets us know something that the original doesn't explicitely: the "Vor" in the title is plural. Looking forward to those class dramas.

This edition, although very recent, is a reedition of the first one there was so it's fun to read the prologue: "Barrayar, coming soon in the year way way before you were born even". Man, I've already done and loved Barrayar. The world needs more characters like Cordelia.

Anyway, onto the story.

I love books that reward you for remembering specific details. For example, by remembering from passing comments that Kyril Island is somewhere that no one, no one ever wanted to be asigned to. In fact, wasn't someone sent there as punishment? My boy, what are they gonna do to you this time?

"Very good. But your most insidious chronic problem is in the area of... how shall I put this precisely... subordination. You argue too much." "No, I don't."

So fun, I adore him, your honour. I didn't know the notorious "you see your superiors as cattle" conversation was in this book, it was a nice surprise. They're not wrong lol

Miles not ten minutes into the island, already lying by ommision, pretending he doesn't know barrayaran greek: it's a surprise tool that will help us later.

Also, the sentence about barrayaran greek is the first instance so far of the word "barrayaran", which I looked forward to, since sometimes they translate as "barrayarano" and others as "barrayarés". I prefer the first one, so I'm in luck with this book :D

Overall enjoying the Miles suffering so far, I'm very pleased with the evolution of the character, he doesn't seem as wild and desperate as in The Warrior's Apprentice but he's still him.

(To be continued...)

[transmutationisms]

and u know in general, and this is something that happens with basically any 'knowledge' credential, but it's very annoying to see criticism of [person who writes history without a higher degree in the field] reduced down to "well they're wrong because they're Not A Historian" lol. first of all professional credentialled historians can and do also publish wild claims, take shortcuts, let a desire for a good story take precedence over methodological principles... like have we forgotten howard zinn. second you absolutely can learn to research and write history from outside of an institution, and assuming that a degree confers trustworthiness on someone's work is so insidious and also obscures the fact that often, what holds back outsider and independent historians is a lack of access to archives, journals, conferences, &c... things that institutionally affiliated historians just get to take for granted. and third it's just a very simplified view of what history is and what historians do. like even if someone has 9 billion history degrees and they have been fact-checked six ways to sunday you can and might still disagree with how they narrativise those facts and what argument they're putting together. this is a critical part of studying and sharing history in fact. the fun part some might even say

[damnfandomproblems]

4913: I don't know about "proship art style" (lol, what even?) but I do feel like a lot of antis have similar art styles. Very bubbly, not quite "CalArt" but very similar style, with bright and almost friendly, playful colours. Which just ends up feeling insidious once you realize, oh, yep, they're an anti. Is it just me? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Maybe the art style is just a happy coincidence (correlation?) because so many antis are young, and watch shows with that art style.

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[pynkhues]

Speaking of Sam's tiny ankle agenda, this is ridiculously specific but as a horror media enthusiast, I must say I hope they fully lean into the horror aspect in the Magnus scenes in s3 and have him properly haunt Lestat before capturing and turning him. I'm talking about Magnus blinking in/out of the frame like a ghost, dragging Lestat by his tiny ankle at night like the Demon toying with Regan in the Exorcist, mind-controlling other people to make Lestat feel even more paranoid and crazy. Dread and paranoia is honestly my fav part of horror and TVL gives sooo much potential. Plus I just think Sam would be having so much fun lol

It was actually one of the things that really struck me in re-reading that part of TVL in writing Ungodly Hour, but Magnus literally does stalk him for months. The book's pretty clear that Lestat gets on stage the first time in the summer, first sees Magnus sometime at the end of the summer, and then keeps seeing him in flashes and glimpses until Magnus abducts him and at that point it's snowing. And man, there's even horror before the turning sequence, because the abduction scene where Lestat's taken from his bed with Nicki + the snowy rooftop scene that immediately follows are genuinely scenes of pretty abject horror even before we get to Magnus' tower at all.

I kind of touched on it in my Byronic Hero post, but there's a real difference between genre conventions of terror and horror in gothic literature and they're often gendered with terror being considered female gothic and horror male gothic. What's interesting (and I genuinely think is pretty masterful in Anne's writing) is the way she shifts between the rising terror towards the end of the Lelio Rising part of the book and The Legacy of Magnus part until it shifts very suddenly and dynamically into full-blown horror. It's honestly a pretty brilliant use of genre conventions, and a real showcase of Anne's talent of a writer.

It's so obviously something Rolin's been drawn to, or at least compelled by, given how often he's brought it up in press for the first two seasons, and so I'm really curious as to how he envisions it. Given what he's said already, I can't really see them not going all in, and even putting the turning sequence aside, I think there's so much room for what you're talking about. Like, his face appearing like a disembodied mask in the audience at Lestat's shows is terrifying, and even the stuff afterwards of Magnus having chosen and laid out an outfit for Lestat after he's assaulted Lestat and then burned himself alive in front of him is like, the best, most insidious sort of gothic terror dressed up as something borderline romantic, which to me, just amplifies the horror of it all.

I don't think they're going to do a 1:1 adaptation of the book at all either (especially given they've already changed a few things around, particularly the timeline), and I'm really curious as to what that actually means.

[lowrezbonuslevel]

insidious creature

Return to my Master Crown design Deluxe. Sigh

More images and explanation under the cut!

Honestly, a lot of the wings' sizing comes down to how much space there is in the canvas/panel (as you can tell from the wingspan discrepancy in the first two images, lol).

For better or worse, I tend to like to change MOST of their proportions on the fly (which I guess is part of Dark Matter lore. So it's actually FINE!), but can I really draw off-model if there's no "model" to begin with?! Their general height/size hasn't changed, though; they're taller than the Crown, but a little shorter than Magolor. (In this form, anyway. I still have to solidify the design of its "true true" form.)

I'm just gonna call this design "Master Crown Soul" for the time being, since it's the best I can come up with to describe it. Again, it's not so much an OC, but a THEORY! A theory that hates Halcandra and little blue catboys!! Amazing!!!

Hopefully the inspirations I took are more apparent here. It worked out that I didn't get the full design of its halo in any of these images, since I sort of consider it optional, but it's essentially a simplified version of the rings around Magolor Soul's (edit: I got the boss designs mixed up...) hands. I might reblog with a reference for that soon.

Here are links to the rest of the ever-thrilling design saga, if you wish:

First sketches/notes

Monochrome with Magolor

[minmos]

people who hate kids are generally weird as hell but there's an especially insidious version that crops up in liberal spaces where people are like. "it's ableist to say i can't hate kids. i hate them because sometimes they can't control how loudly they talk and they make too much noise in public, and sometimes they miss social cues and ask questions without realizing that it's inappropriate. and they need too much help doing anything, and ugh, they're so sensitive and they cry all the time over things that i wouldn't be bothered by. and i'm disabled and i don't like it" it's just like ok...... lol....... like it's very telling how you treat other disabled people whose symptoms you think are too annoying or you can't relate enough to

[twopoppies]

This is maybe uncharitable of me, but so often I go into Larrie spaces and find that people are hypercritical of Harry to where it actually really damaged my relationship with LOUIS. I came into this fandom such a fan of both and now, while I love Louis, I feel so isolated from him - so often people pit the two of them against each other and I get defensive of Harry in ways that make my lizard brain feel like I need to protect him against Louis almost? And it's entirely because of the conversations I've witnessed around how people perceive them/their relationship.

It also sometimes feels like people are hypercritical of Harry where they're trying to convince you to agree? As if they can convert you into seeing his insidious, fame hungry ways. Why would you even want them together if that's what you think of him? Wouldn't Louis be better off without someone like that?

Don't publish this if it's too harsh, lol. I needed to vent somewhere.

It's not too harsh, IMO. That's what happens with me, too. I try to look at Harry without being overly biased, but I know I can get super defensive about him because people are often so unfairly judgmental. And the constant comparison to Louis, where Harry falls so far short, makes me nuts. Especially when larries do it. I just don't get it.

[mamamittens]

Yandere Zoro, Sanji, Kid and Law finding out their darling wants to have kids with them (whatever the kids are adopted or not is up to you)

I think out of all of them, only two would be very reluctant to have biological kids (irregardless of your capability to carry tbh).

Sanji and Law. Sanji because of all the biological engineering his family is known for. Sure, Judge lost interest in him, but there's no guarantee a grandkid would be any safer from the Vinsmokes. Law due to the health issues his whole family had after generations of Amber Lead exposure, which for all he knows has more insidious genetic disorders even after being purged from the poison.

Zoro and Kidd wouldn't have nearly as much of a problem outside of concerns about safety. They're pirates, after all. And whether or not they're retired, they have a hell of a legacy to worry about overshadown their kids.

Now, interestingly, as an extension of weird possessiveness, they'd all be rather interested in building a family. More things to tie you down, and all the better that it's what you wanted to begin with. You'd still be the focus, but that kid(s) would not be far behind. Faster if it's their/your bio kid.

Uh, nsfw under the cut lmao and trigger warning for pregnancy/breeding kink in a bit of it. Kinda gross lol

So, I've long thought that if Law was determined to get you pregnant, he'd have a very easy time of it with his devil fruit in a very.... I'm going to be honest, it's gross. But he could literally dump his cum directly into your womb so like, short of serious fertility issues, it's going to be sooner rather than later. Not that he wouldn't also be doing it the old fashioned way. It's ✨bonding time✨ sex, after all.

He wouldn't want you to just feel like a surrogate. You're the parent too, after all!

Now, for those that can't carry kids (lack of equipment or otherwise), he'd be very interested in what kind of kid you gravitate towards. Viewing it almost like buying you a pet to keep you busy and happy, stowed away on his submarine. At least until he starts bonding with the kid himself and wants to give them what Cora had tried to all those years ago. Paying it forward as it were.

Finding old, faded dreams of building back what he'd lost to make up for what he lost.

No more children who just want to die burning with anger.

Kidd! He's uh, pretty enthusiastic with the overall process. Kinda gross about it but really gets a kick out of marking you up. The changes that occur with a literal pregnancy too, just more evidence of your bond together. It won't be long and it's entirely because once he's got this idea in his head, he's going to keep going until there's no way you can't be.

Anything his baby wants😘

Now for those less able to do the whole baby mama thing, there's a strong chance he just starts picking up random kids like "what do you think, babe? They pout just like you, hah!" While showing them off. Views it less like buying you a puppy and more like solidifying how serious your relationship is.

For some reason I imagine it takes a while to bond with the kid though. He just... Really doesn't like sharing lmao

Sanji is very romantic about it. A very willing vessel to fulfill your true desire after conquering his fears. Worshipful about everything even if it's arguably kinda gross to praise how much of his cum you're holding onto and how cute you look dripping for him. He's dedicated %100 to making a family with you in this, and he'll stay that way too. Don't think he won't.

I feel like he'd be guilty about the relief adoption brings him. One less thing to worry about. Really casting aside the shadow of his family line, no chance of giving his kid some fucked up ability or the attention of Judge. Very affectionate though, almost insufferably so. Even if it's a boy, it's his baby boy now. Ready to learn all the best ways to treat women like the goddesses they are (and S/Os for those not strictly female).

You're a family now, and part of Sanji feels healed having come so far.

Zoro is pretty nonchalant about it. A "you want kids, huh? Alright". Trusts you to know what you want (as long as it's with him, which this is like, doubling down so he's willing to go along with it). If you can have kids, he's going to deliver. And deliver. And keep delivering until you collapse in exhaustion before laughing. "Thought you wanted a baby, babe? What's this quitting shit? We're not stopping until you look ready to pop".

May view it as unconventional exercise for his stamina and yours. You'll have to keep up with a baby after this, after all. And if you don't want take his load after three hours, how could you possibly be ready? Don't be fooled though, he's just being a bastard cause he likes how you look whining for a break underneath him, thighs drenched in cum.

For those who would just have to adopt, he's going to view it more as buying a pet at first. Sorry. Not a fan of sharing your time with a brat and nothing to show for it. May still fuck you senseless to work out that frustration anyway.

Ironically I think having a shared naptime is what's going to sell him on this whole "family" thing. You and the kid curled up on his chest. He feels twice as large and strong, protectively cradling you guys in his arms. You may be his primary focus, but that kid now had his unconscious attention almost as badly. Not... Strictly a bad thing. But he's going to start bonding with the kid however he can while making sure you know you won't be going anywhere either.

Hope that's what you wanted.

[rollercoasterwords]

PLEASE tell us your barbie opinions!!!!! pls pls i also have opinions

happy 2 share but i will be putting it under a cut bc. a lot of people seem 2 think this movie is god's gift 2 earth and i am not in the mood 2 deal w barbie evangelists lol so if u do not want 2 see barbie movie criticism just scroll away

will preface by saying i enjoyed the movie i thought it was fun etc + i don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying it or finding it fun or even feeling very personally empowered/seen by what the movie had to say. that's all very nice on a personal level and i understand why so many people are finding the movie cathartic.

that being said i do not think the movie was feminist or subversive by a long shot and seeing so many people talk about how radical it was makes me feel like i'm being gaslit!!! like. did we watch different movies lmao. maybe i'd understand a little more why everyone was being taken in if barbie had like, gone to the real world and fought patriarchy in the movie--but she didn't even do that! they introduce the concept of real-world patriarchy only to have barbie go back to barbieland and destroy fake barbie patriarchy (which is rooted simply in one man's insecurity and easily resolved by gently encouraging him to seek self-worth outside his relationship--not exactly a cutting examination of the material investment that men have in patriarchy which makes it so difficult to challenge) and leave real-world patriarchy intact at the end (the big #feminist moment for real women is...mattel's sexist ceo saying he'll use a woman's idea for the next barbie, since he can make a lot of money off it? he doesn't even say he's going to pay her for the idea lmao).

so all in all the whole "barbie destroys patriarchy" bit of the movie just. did not feel particularly feminist to me beyond a very surface level acknowledgment that sexism exists and is bad. and like--i get that it's the barbie movie, and people could say "well of course it can't be that subversive but it did a good job for what it was!!" but i'm just like. ok yeah then let's call it what it was...instead of calling it subversive?? also every feminist message the movie tried to champion was immediately undermined by its fundamental investment in gender essentialism, which remains unchallenged throughout the whole film. like--barbies are literally canonically sexless and so u can't even try to argue that the gender binary which their society is based around is anything but 100% socially constructed, and we see that that gender binary affords privilege to some and not to others and also leads to ostracization of those who fail to conform to it, yet the happy ending of the movie is barbieland just...staying that way. and i feel like the movie then kinda says the quiet part out loud when barbie becomes a "real woman" by getting a vagina like...ok. lol

so like. even the interior politics of the film i struggle to understand how it could be considered groundbreaking feminism; and then when we zoom out and look at the material impact of the movie that just cements it as un-feminist to me. this is a really good article about the beauty standards being pushed + perpetuated by barbie marketing, and of course as with basically any hollywood movie the rich (and mostly rich men) will be getting richer, cycles of consumerism will be perpetuated, etc. honestly the "feminist" aspect of the film almost feels insidious to me in this context, as if it's meant to provide the catharsis of feeling like there's been some big challenge to patriarchy while quietly reinforcing the systems of oppression it publicly decries.

and like. at the end of the day i was not expecting barbie to be a subversive feminist film nor do i think it like...has a responsibility to be one. and it's nice that so many people feel like they're getting something out of it! but i think it's important to evaluate both the personal and societal impact of the media we're critiquing, and in that context it just seems silly to me to claim that barbie is subversive. i also find the amount of rhetoric i've seen about how the movie "encapsulates the female experience" so fucking irritating lmfao like...i am sorry but the idea that watching a group of hyperfeminine women flirt with men as a method of destroying patriarchy (<- not an exaggeration that is literally the plot. flirt with each other's boyfriends to make them jealous so they fight each other. zero lesbians in barbieland i suppose) is THE quintessential experience of #womanhood...well alright then.

anyway. there is more i could say but i am going 2 get dinner w a friend so. stopping here <3 not gonna post the link but i do have a full/in-depth review on my substack if u wanna poke around over there!

[nowoyas]

koi no yokan 16: stop the spiral (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: HAPPY NOYA WEEK

Summary: You spend time around the Nishinoya family. Yachi experiences a normal day anxiety.

Warnings: blanket series warnings, depictions of the early stages of an anxiety attack, implied self-harm (for one sentence, non-explicit)

Words: 4300+

Time flies when your head isn't desperately trying to prevent itself from splitting apart. Two days takes you into a stage of recovery where Noya's mom tells you that you can go home if—and only if—you'd like to, and two nights of sleeping within arm's reach of Noya and not hearing from your father even though he knows you haven't been home in nearly a week takes you into just the right amount of risk-taking behaviors to ask to stay a little longer.

When you work up the courage to ask, you're sitting in the kitchen, legs swinging as you watch Noya's mom make lunch for the three of you. Satsuki's out with friends, Mei's studying upstairs, and Kaede's out. Apparently, Noya's grandfather spends a lot of time out of the house, just generally having a good time, so you're left with Rina.

"Um, Nishinoya-san…" you start, biting your lip.

"Please, Rina's fine."

"R-Rina-san, then…?"

She nods, not looking up from where she's slicing tomatoes. "Yes?"

"You know how you said I could leave whenever I wanted?"

Another nod. Her knife hand slows as she tilts her head to listen to you. "Of course. Now that you're well enough to handle yourself without too much risk to your health, I'm not going to trap you here."

"…is it also okay if I stay a bit longer…? I just, I mean, I don't know how Noya-senpai really feels about it or anything, and I guess Satsuki-san said she wanted me to stay, too, but, I mean—I don't want to impose, I just…"

She puts down the knife entirely. "Honey, you can stay as long as you like. I'm absolutely positive that Yuu is happy to have you here, and the girls all like you, too."

"Okay," you say. Rina makes you feel small in the worst way. Not looked down on, but vulnerable. "I don't think I'm ready to go home yet."

She hums her approval. Picks the knife back up.

"I, um, I'm feeling really good today, so I might try to go to practice tomorrow for a little bit to see how I handle it."

"That's a good plan. The doctor's orders said to slowly start returning to school and activities, so that's a good start."

"Oh, but—just in case I can't do it, um, don't tell Noya-senpai? I wanna go in the middle of the day, I think."

Another nod. "I'll see if any of the girls are available to walk you."

You smile and turn to your phone as Rina finishes making lunch, firing off a few texts to the newly-created manager group chat. The excitement buzzes already; you can't wait.

~

…or maybe, you can wait. Maybe you really, really can.

You wake up and there is no one here. Soba is not with you—she slept somewhere else last night—and Noya must have already gone to practice. He sent you a text, a picture of Soba with her face in her food bowl, along with a have a good day!.

You wish it helped. Yesterday's quiet excitement—coordinating with the girls in short bursts of texts over the course of the afternoon, talking Mei into walking you to and from the school today so you can surprise them properly and leave before practice is officially over—is gone now, replaced with a lump of dread that makes it difficult for you to swallow and the looming memory that your father didn't even notice.

Part of you wants to simply not show. Let them wonder. The other, more insidious part of you knows that you wouldn't be able to handle it if they didn't notice, either.

You roll over, flip over to the managers group chat.

[name] to Karasuno Managers!!! at 8:48

[name]: hey, uh, nix the return today

[name]: sorry

[name]: feel like I'm gonna throw up lol

No replies pour in right away. That's fine, that makes sense; they're at practice, they're busy.

You drag yourself down the stairs, meander into the kitchen to pick out the most meager breakfast you can get away with.

You stumble, head-first, into Mei in the kitchen. She's holding a plate of food, and at the sight of you, she blinks in surprise. "Oh. You're up."

"Good morning," you mumble. "Sorry for bumping into you."

"No, no, don't be. I made breakfast?"

You nod to the table. She joins you, lays down a plate in front of you and another in front of herself. You pick at it. It looks and smells delicious, and honestly, of everyone who's had the chance to cook for you so far, she's probably the best.

"Do you still want me to walk you to the school today?" she says after a moment.

Your hand stills. "I… I dunno."

She leans forward, chin resting in her hand. "What's up?"

"Just—just overthinking," you admit, probably because she suddenly looks stunningly like her siblings. "It's probably not anything."

"I don't want to needle you the way Yuu or Satsuki might, but if you wanted to talk about it, um… I'm good with overthinking. Satsuki says it's my best skill."

You stifle a sudden laugh. "Same here. Uh, Satsuki-san doesn't say that to me, but I mean—you get me." A pause. You take a bite of your breakfast, chew painfully slowly. It's not like you particularly mistrust Mei. And given that you do kinda feel your heart in your throat for no reason right now, and given that Mei's experienced with dealing with this…

Well, it probably wouldn't hurt.

"…I just kinda feel like maybe Noya-senpai's the only one who cares if I come back and maybe he just cares because he's nice."

She tilts her head, searches your face carefully. "Why?"

You cringe. You're in too deep already to back out, but… "I just… I don't know. I guess I just kinda always assume that no one actually wants me around? But, y'know, I'm kind of the bonus manager. I joined because I happened to be standing close to Yachi-san when Shimizu-senpai asked her, and we both just sort of agreed to it. And Shimizu-senpai is obviously really established and impossible to compete with because the guys think she's a goddess on Earth or whatever, and Yachi-san didn't seem like she was gonna stick around but not only has she stuck around but also she made these totally kickass posters for the team because they needed donations and like, that leaves me as the extra, right? She's actually done shit to establish herself. So now I'm, like… left over. And I'm sure they've spent all week realizing how much they absolutely do not need me around. I don't wanna go back and them not be, like, happy to see me, or whatever, but—"

You groan, dropping your head to the table. You stop short of what would have been a satisfying thunk, if only because you expect a lecture for mistreating your head that way under the circumstances. "This is so stupid. I haven't cared about having friends in ages. I don't get why I'm getting worked up about it now."

"I mean, I don't want to assume anything, but… isn't it just that you like being a manager? I think it's probably normal to want to feel accepted."

"I don't want anything. I don't like wanting things. It feels itchy."

"Well, do you think it'd help if you did something for them, too? Like, um, Yachi-san did?"

"Nothing's going to be as cool as those stupid posters," you whine. "They're amazing, Mei-san. They look like they were designed by a professional and everything. I can't make anything like that."

"Well, Yuu was talking about how you like to cook for people. Maybe you could do something with that?"

Your eyes light up a little.

You… you could do something with that.

"Mei-san," you say, picking your head up. "Are you busy today?"

~

Hitoka stares at the messages, heart thumping in her throat until it threatens to choke her.

She knows, okay? She knows that she gets her head caught up in things and trips down paths that no one else seems to think are worthy of exploring. She knows her imagination runs away, and her heart with it, at the slightest provocation. Usually, in hindsight, laying awake and mind racing, she can see where, maybe, her anxiety took over and dragged her into the realm of unreasonable, or she can follow those same paths deeper, depending on the night.

The trouble is that knowing that much doesn't actually stop the spiral. If anything, it makes it worse—between the they're gonna die or she's going to try to murder me is the constant backbeat, the stop being silly, the you're being stupid. Frustration and shame and embarrassment cloud it, make the panic worse. Sometimes she wonders how anyone ever puts up with her, her social missteps, her catastrophizing at the tiniest slights.

This isn't one of the occasions where she knows she's being stupid. Actually, she's pretty sure the new fear is well-founded. No matter how many times she rereads the texts, she falls short of any other explanation for them, anyway.

[name] to Karasuno Managers!!! at 8:48

[name]: hey, uh, nix the return today

[name]: sorry

[name]: feel like I'm gonna throw up lol

[name]: actually, when you guys see this, could one of you ask Takeda-sensei to meet me outside?

[name]: I gotta talk to him about something, but I don't want any of the guys to see me and get excited

Her hands shake as she taps out a response.

Yachi: no problem! I hope yuou're feeling better soon!!!

Yachi: omg I'm sorry *you're

Yachi: I'll let Sensei know and you can ytext when you're herer and i'll get him!!!

Yachi: *text **here ***I'll

She'd done as much. The sick lurching from the first time she'd read and replied to the messages lingered long after, lingers even now. It had lingered through the short work of tracking down Sensei, and through the short conversation in which she let him know what was going on with you. It had lingered through her teeth, her closed-lipped smile as she held her fear bundled up in her hyperactive heart. It lingered through the twenty minutes it took for you to send a follow-up text—I'm here! Can you send Sensei to find me?—and through watching Takeda-sensei slip out of the gym to speak with you. And then, in the time since then, it wells up and threatens to spill over.

She glances at the clock on the wall, protected by a dented cage. You've been talking to Sensei for almost half an hour.

"Hitoka-chan."

She screams, the towels she'd been carrying to hand out going flying at Shimizu's sudden voice behind her. Shimizu moves effortlessly, glides as she collects the dropped towels. Hitoka babbles as she joins her, some sort of overblown apology, made worse by her awareness of the guys on break looking at the source of the scream.

"Are you alright? You're looking paler than usual."

"O-oh, I'm fine!" she stammers, failing to pick up one of the dropped towels. "It's nothing! R-really!"

Shimizu hums, peering at her with a worried look, and she's screwing up again, she's making such a pretty woman worry about her, she's such a failure, such a—

"Are you overheated? You have to watch your temperature in this heat. It won't do any good if you get heat exhaustion."

No, her brain replies, emphatic. She's not going home, she can't, she needs to be here—

"I'm not overheating! I-I just don't want [surname]-chan to quit, t-that's all!"

"Quit?" Nishinoya repeats behind her, stunned.

She drops the collected towels all over again.

"Did she say anything about that?" Shimizu asks, and Yachi fights the urge to dig her nails into her arm to calm down.

"N-no, she didn't say anything, I just—she just—[surname]-chan was g-gonna come back today, but then she randomly said she couldn't b-because she was feeling sick, and t-then she came anyway to talk to Sensei about s-something? A-and they've been talking for a while, a-and maybe she's—maybe she's quitting because—"

She slaps her hands over her mouth. The sick feeling is finally gone—no more tension, only horror, racing horror through her veins.

She wasn't supposed to say anything.

Now you're going to be mad. Furious. Livid. How is she ever supposed to keep friends if she can't even listen to something as simple as a "don't mention this thing to anyone"? How is she ever—

Nishinoya snaps his fingers in her face and her out of her spiral. At some point, he crouched in front of her, expression serious. "You're gonna give yourself a panic attack. You gotta stop thinking like that!"

Easy for you to say, her mind supplies bitterly, and then she instantly feels worse for having thought it.

He laughs, smile wide. "True, it is easy! Y'know why?"

Oh my god I said that out loud—

"[name]-san doesn't wanna say it, but she really likes it here. She was really happy when I gave her the card and stuff from everyone, y'know? When I checked on her before bed that night, she was just looking at it and smiling. And she's always asking how everyone's doing when I come home. And when the doctor mentioned that she might not be able to go to the next training camp, depending on how smoothly her recovery goes—she'll be coming, with the way she's been improving—she got so pouty. She definitely wants to come back, you just gotta trust her."

"Y-you really think she's gonna stay…?"

He nods. "You should've seen the way her eyes lit up when she was talking to Nee-san about the team the other day. She tries to pretend like she's all aloof and doesn't really care, and she's definitely getting caught up thinking we don't want her here no matter what I tell her, but I can basically guarantee that the idea of quitting has never even occurred to her."

That…

is comforting, actually.

Maybe.

A little bit.

"You're… really serious about [surname]-chan, aren't you?" she asks.

His smile only widens. "Of course! I'm gonna get to a thousand proposals and marry her, you know!"

Impossibly, her heart does lighten a little. "W-well, if you're so sure she's not going anywhere, then I guess I can believe it, too."

He smiles. Nods. Darts off to chatter at Tanaka about something to do with you… sleeping with noodles? She definitely missed something.

"He really does act different when it comes to her," Shimizu notes mildly.

"D-do you think so?"

She nods. "He's been flirting with me since last year—if you can call it that—but… I dunno. It's like he actually calms down when he's talking about her."

"I wish I had someone like that," she sighs.

Shimizu raises an eyebrow. "Like him?"

"No! I-I'm sure he's perfectly fine, I just mean—someone I can be calm around. You know?"

She smiles. Tilts her head. "I get that."

~

Mei is fun to cook with. You talked to Takeda, worked out the menu and timing, and talked to him about your staggered return to practice. It was a good conversation, and you left with notes and a shopping list, and then left the store with the needed groceries. Mei lets you take the lead on cooking, helps you out dutifully while letting you control, and for a while, it's peaceful.

Then Satsuki comes downstairs.

She's in sleep shorts and a tank top, and she grabs a soda out of the fridge seemingly before she notices either of you. "Mornin'," she says, rubbing sleep from her eye.

"Morning," you chirp back.

"Satsuki, it's one in the afternoon," Mei chides.

"Afternoon, then," she corrects. "It's summer. When else am I gonna sleep in?"

"I guess, but…"

"Eh, let her," you shrug. "At some point we're gonna have jobs and have to beg our bosses for the chance to sleep in two days in a row. Might as well milk it now, you know?"

"See, you say that, but didn't you basically sign all that away for the volleyball club?" Satsuki teases. "Yuu, like, never sleeps in."

"Senpai's insane, though. He just like, wakes up alert. He lays down to sleep at a normal time and actually falls asleep. It's freak behavior, if you ask me."

Satsuki stifles a laugh. "Yeah, I don't know where that came from. Jii-chan's like that, too. It freaks me out. Morning people."

You clasp a hand over your chest in mock horror. "Monsters walking among us!"³¹

Her expression shifts into something more teasing as you turn back to preparing food. "Oh, speaking of: I noticed someone's been sleeping in his room at night."

"What can I say? Soba loves me."

Mei stifles a laugh. "I don't think she was talking about Soba."

You roll your eyes. "I felt bad making him sleep in the hallway, that's all."

"That's all? Ms. Single, I'm starting to think you might be a bit of a heartbreaker."

You set aside the prepped ingredients for now—you have to wait for the rice to finish cooking before you do anything else. When you turn, Satsuki has hopped up to sit herself on the counter, one elbow propped up against the side of the fridge. "I'm not a heartbreaker."

"So, you're in love with my brother, and/or in denial about being in love with my brother."

You cough, brushing past her to grab a drink of your own. "You Nishinoyas are really good at jumping to conclusions. Where did you even get that?"

"So I landed on something? If you're not leading him on, then you have feelings for him. I don't think that's a wild assumption to make."

You roll your eyes. "Noya-senpai and I are friends. That's it. I don't deny that he thinks I'm pretty; he's made that glaringly obvious, but teenage hormones are a hell of a drug. He'll get bored of me and give up soon enough."

"Denial, then," Satsuki nods.

"I hate to have to tell you this," Mei says, "but, um, have you met Yuu? He doesn't give up. Like, ever."

"Especially not with pretty girls. Like it or not, babygirl, he's not giving up on you until you're taken, and even then, probably not until you outright reject him. Do you have any idea how much time he's spent trying to catch the attention of girls who think they can wait him out?"

…oh. Yeah, you do. You're not exactly blind. You shrug. "Yeah, exactly. I'm not special. He'll find some prettier girl with less problems, of which you'll find there are many, and drop the idea."

"[name]-chan…" Mei breathes, brows drawn together with sympathy.

"You know that he's not gonna give up just because you're a little broken, right?"

"Uh, Satsuki—"

Satsuki rolls her eyes at Mei. "What? We're all broken here. So's Yuu. He's just better at not paying attention to his broken parts. If anything, I think he probably likes her better because she's not all perfect and flawless. Can't really relate to a doll, y'know?"

You drop into one of the seats at the table, resting your chin in your hand and carefully schooling your expression as Mei turns to chiding Satsuki for being too blunt.

It's not like anything said today has been news, except maybe the comment about Noya being just as broken, and even then, hardly. But it's easy to forget about the way Noya leaps for any shred of attention from Shimizu, the way he'll sometimes double-take at some pretty girl in the hall when you're taking lunch together, the way he fucking… audibly growls if he thinks some random dude might be interested in your senior manager. It's easy to forget all that with the way he looks at you.

He hasn't given up on her just because you're in the picture. Because you're not special enough for that.

It's not like he doesn't really feel something for you. He's made abundantly clear how pretty he thinks you are and how much he wants to be around you, and you don't think that's diminished just because he thinks other girls are beautiful or wants to be around them. He really, genuinely, feels all of that for every girl. But…

You let a sigh pass your lips.

What happens when he finds an equally pretty girl who gives him what he deserves? Will he give up on you, then? If you gave in, you doubt he'd stop thinking every girl alive is beautiful. If you gave him more, he'd only…

"Anyway, [name]-chan!" Satsuki shouts suddenly, pointing at you with dramatic flare. "All that's to say, I'm not gonna get into Yuu's shit with you if he hasn't told you himself, but he does genuinely like you and he's not just fucking around. Nor is he gonna drop you just because you've got some shit going on. You don't have to do this whole, clam up and protect yourself thing."

You raise an eyebrow. Now's not the time to depress yourself over things that hardly matter to you. "Uh-huh?"

"Uh-huh! If you're not gonna make out with me, and you're not gonna hurt him, then go for it."

You huff a laugh. "Right. I don't plan to hurt him, but you know everyone hurts everyone eventually, right? I've made my stance with him clear enough, so if he gets hurt… I'm not gonna say it's not gonna be my fault, but I will say I'm not going out of my way to hurt him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that at some point, I'm gonna blow up, because again, broken, and if I'm too close, it's gonna hurt him. But like, I don't say shit I don't mean. If he actually keeps up with the proposals and shit and makes it to a thousand, I'm still gonna marry him. Even if I think it's a horrible idea on his part. Hell, if he manages it a thousand times and I'm already in a relationship with someone else, I'll break up with them."

She leans forward, nearly tumbling off the counter. Mei steadies her quickly, muttering a careful! in admonishment. "Oho," she says, not missing a beat, "interesting. When do we get to start calling you our sister-in-law?"

"Slow down. He hasn't even made it to a hundred yet."

"Uh-huh. How many is he up to?"

"Sixty-seven," you reply automatically.

"I think he's making good time. You're, what, fifteen?"

"Sixteen," you mutter.

"So he's got four years before you're actually legally able to marry him, he started talking about you like two months ago, and he's averaging more than one proposal a day. He's actually gonna have to slow down if the wedding is coming right after proposal 1000."

You shrug. "Assuming he doesn't give up."

"Again, this is Yuu we're talking about. Even if you got a boyfriend in the meantime, he'd probably punch the dude just to get to keep asking you so he doesn't lose time. Face it, you're either going back on your word, or you're gonna be a Nishinoya."

You don't know how to respond to that. The inside of your cheek is a little raw from where you've been chewing it. Are you stupid to be this serious about what was initially a joke? Are you stupid to hedge your bets on him giving up on you? It's not like you don't like his family. It's not like you don't like it here.

Mei pipes up from where she'd been lost in thought, tilting her head. "When was your birthday? It would've already passed if you're sixteen and a first year."

You wouldn't normally want to tell her, but if this conversation does not change subject ASAP, you're going to explode. "Couple weeks ago. The seventh."

Satsuki grins. "He's gonna be mad that you didn't tell him, you know."

"He'll get over it. I don't like people making a big deal over me."

Mei stifles a laugh. "You're a weird pair, then."

"I'm gathering. Do me a favor and don't tell him?"

Satsuki hums thoughtfully. "Mm, I'll think about it."

~

Somehow, you manage to keep a sea of prepared food away from Noya's prying eyes. The kitchen is cleaned before he gets back from practice—reasonably late, all things considered—and Satsuki has started in on making dinner, since it's her night. You and Mei let her in on the surprise, so she puts herself to work bossing Noya right out of the kitchen with a teasing go bother your girlfriend, this is a no boys allowed zone today. You're happy to let him flop dramatically across your lap as long as he lets you rest your book on top of him and he doesn't look in the fridge.

He scrabbles for the TV remote, apparently intent on replacing Soba for the night, and you stop yourself halfway to poking at a new bruise on the back of his calf.

You turn back to your book and try not to sigh. Perceptive bastard's gonna notice anyway, but you're trying not to let him, even if your throat feels like cotton when you try to talk to him.

Stop being ridiculous, you chide yourself sternly. It doesn't seem to work.

You just can't get your head off everything. You don't even know why it fucking bothers you.

You sigh. Catch his waist when he reaches too far and nearly falls off your lap. He successfully retrieves the remote, and grins up at you with his thanks.

"Fell for you," he teases quietly.

"Stupid," you reply. "You're gonna get yourself hurt."

Footnotes

31. ඞ

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish