#They were kind of complicated to make but it feels very nice despite being formal wear

[autumn-may]

made some pants, drew riku in ‘em 👍

[morningstar-chronicles]

do you have any agreste family headcanons for your dr?

definitely! but what kind largely depends on the DR, i think. i only have one miraculous DR listed on my pinned, but i have several kicking around in my head. so i'll just give you all of my headcanons! keep in mind i stopped watching the actual show a long time ago lmao

case #1: adrien and julian

despite adrien actually being older, julian acts older. adrien is still very much in the mindset of "i want to make my father proud!" and julian is kind of trying to act as a better role model for adrien to aspire to.

julian frequently dyes his hair loud colours and pierced his septum against parental consent (this is actually how he got the bull miraculous, which is a nose ring. master fu is the one who pierced julian's nose).

adrien wants to be a good role model for julian, and julian does want to look up to him to some extent, but their dynamic is very complicated considering how differently they feel about their father.

julian has wayyy more freedom than adrien (mostly because last time gabriel said no to something, julian pierced his septum. adrien would never).

julian models casual lineups for gabriel, and adrien models business and formal stuff. julian would have a lot more fun modelling for marinette though, since his style just doesn't match gabriel at all, and would probably completely turn on gabriel fashion as a company for one chocolate chip cookie. he absolutely fucks with marinette's ideas though- especially anything inspired by jagged stone.

despite looking like he would listen to emo or punk rock music -which he definitely does- he also hardcore vibes to taylor swift and other pop songs. once he stops doing things exclusively to piss off gabriel (i.e. once gabriel is dead) he gets into indie music and everything about him completely softens. he's a huge puppy dog.

julian gets perms. he also wears glasses (his father prefers him in contacts and makes him wear them for photoshoots).

adrien and julian are often forced to go to galas. their father doesn't attend with them. julian only goes if he can bring a friend, otherwise nathalie will have to drag a ragdoll julian into the car, and then julian lays on the floor of wherever the gala is until nathalie drags his ragdoll ass back home again. it's just a really bad look for the agrestes, honestly.

julian doesn't like felix. felix loves him like a brother. sometimes felix pretends to be adrien just so julian will tolerate him for a day. truthfully, julian doesn't like felix because he sees a lot of the things he doesn't like about himself in felix. he doesn't want to end up like that.

case #2: emilie's fertility treatments

this DR/AU stems from the popular headcanon that adrien is a sentimonster (did they make this canon??) because emilie had trouble conceiving- except instead of using dark magic, emilie just went to a fertility clinic like a normal person.

this resulted in five kids- the triplets (adrien, chase, and beau), and the twins (julian and emmy).

emilie was super excited to have all these kids, but died pretty promptly after the twins were born, so now they're all gabriel's problem.

adrien is the sweet summer child we all know him to be, and julian is of course julian.

emmy is julian's twin sister, and the only agreste girl. she's sporty and she's fun, and she's always nice to everyone. she and abby would be good friends!

chase is like adrien if adrien was kind of a dick. like, chase isn't actually rude or mean or anything, but he has sort of that energy to him where he probably would have been a bully in middle school and then grown out of it later in life. that is, if he ever went to school.

chase is a full-time model, and honestly has no interest in doing anything different. he's a nepo baby at it's finest. the only reason he would ever go to school is to make friends his age, but the condition of that would be keeping his grades up. besides, chase and chloe actually are good friends.

beau on the other hand is super interested in learning, but has no interest in making friends. he's extremely introverted and prefers to work on his own. he also doesn't go to public school.

adrien and chase are both models. beau is not. when he was little, gabriel tried to get them in triplet photoshoots and beau bit him. chase thought it was funny and considered also biting gabriel, but he actually likes all the attention he gets from modelling so he didn't.

adrien likes to braid emmy's hair. he learned to do a bunch of intricate styles so she could feel pretty even while they're not modelling.

emmy and chase model sports clothing, adrien and emmy model formal, business, and casual clothing, and again, julian models the most casual lineups.

gabriel cannot force all five kids to go, especially with no handler adult present. adrien, emmy, and chase go. sometimes julian goes just because he wants to bring me with him to impress me lmao 😭.

bonus: general headcanons, applicable to any miraculous DR

gabriel is a natural brunet. his hair is just white because he's old.

nathalie is working with gabriel because she's in love with emilie, not actually gabriel himself.

adrien views nathalie as his stepmom because he thinks she's in love with gabriel (gabriel also thinks this, but they're both wrong).

gabriel handed the butterfly miraculous down to lila because he views her as an apprentice. not quite like a daughter, because he does actively akumatize her and let her be in danger frequently, but he views adrien as a mirror of emilie and lila as a mirror of himself, and wants to be able to live vicariously through them. it's really weird and messed up.

hot take- i feel like emilie also wouldn't have been all that great of a parent. adrien is super attached to her obviously, but she would have been super fake and treated her kids more like accessories or therapists than kids. so, marginally better than gabe, but... still a pretty fucked up dynamic.

adrien has dimples, which he inherited from emilie. felix also has dimples, which he inherited from amelie. the only differences between them physically are that felix is slightly paler and adrien's hair has a slight wave to it that felix's doesn't have naturally. felix is also ever so slightly taller- only about a half-inch. only marinette and kagami can spot these differences.

this is either way more than you were expecting or not what you were looking for, but i had fun writing it!

[picathartidae]

For the most recent round of ask game I'd love to hear your answers for 5, 9, 23, and 26. 💙

I'm still answering for Alassane, despite him being a Dark Urge, because my Tavs are all from a different D&D setting and none of them are sufficiently fleshed out when it comes to the Forgotten Realms. I really hope that's okay!

5. Did your Tav have any formal or informal employment? If yes, what was their job? If no, how did they make ends meet? How did they feel about it?

The closest Alassane ever got a real job was when he was about 10/11 years old and found himself homeless and briefly wandering the Outer City. Through various wacky happenstance, a blacksmith took pity on him and he ended up becoming the man’s apprentice for a few years. It ended, as all nice things in Alassane’s backstory do, with murder, when he was 15. From that point on, he was a career criminal and assassin, and finally ending up as an adventurer/mercenary during and after the events of the game.

It all instilled a very blunt pragmatism in Alassane, as well as a general lack of respect for money or the concept of private property. He doesn’t have strong feelings about what he does, he just does whatever he has to in order to survive and achieve his goals.

9. What was your Tav doing when they were taken by the mind flayers?

He was catatonic, as he had been for maybe nine months by that point, and imprisoned in the mind flayer colony deep beneath Moonrise Towers. Then his pod was shoved onto a nautiloid, and the rest is history.

23. What are 2-3 songs that your Tav would relate to?

I always struggle with these kinds of questions, because I don’t really engage with songs based on lyrics, but rather entirely on vibes. Alassane’s vibes are mainly aggressive electronic, grunge, and alt rock — with a few bits of other extremely eclectic nonsense thrown in. The best I can do are songs I have written Alassane doing things to, and why I picked them.

1991, by Golden Features

This is literally the song I wrote the dance scene in his first chapter to, and is probably the closest I have to a ‘main theme’. It’s electronic nonsense with no lyrics at all, which I liked and thought fit him because the heavy synth feels very artificial and unnatural in a medieval fantasy setting. Since Alassane (as the Dark Urge) was created rather than born, it seemed very accurate for the character, and helps give off this terrifying and uncanny vibe. And I could so very easily imagine him doing an impromptu Fosse-style jazz ballet dance routine to this song.

Let You Go, by RY X

For slower and more introspective scenes, usually dream sequences that aren’t outright nightmares. This is very much a song for post-amnesia Alassane that kind of has come to represent his growth as a character because there is actually a bit of symmetry with his arc in the lyrics.

Elddansurin, by Heilung

It’s a good aggressive sounding song with lots of percussion and growling that flows into something a bit softer and more melodic as the song goes on. It’s got some nice dualism to it, and I think that reflects Alassane’s whole deal very nicely. Heilung is also one of my favourite bands and this song is amazing fun to write violence to.

26. Does your Tav have a treasured item with them? If yes, what is it and why is it special? If no, how do they feel about item sentimentality in general?

He’s not an overly sentimental guy, at least not about material possessions. The closest thing he has to a treasured possession is a serrated dagger he woke up with on the nautiloid, and that’s because it’s basically the only connection he has to his past after the amnesia. Before he lost his memories, I doubt that knife meant anything to him at all.

What he is sentimental about is his name, which is its own complicated mess of a subplot that relates to his foster family and how he perceives himself. It's his last connection to the person he wishes he still was, when he was still an innocent child and before Bhaal ruined everything. His foster family was desperately important to him, and their murder was what broke him. He clings to his name in the vain hope that one day, he can find that boy in himself again.

[trinh24]

到着

After reading the blogs of previous JETs and having conversations with friends back home, I started this blog to let everyone know what and how I'm doing. I hope it's a nice diary and can help future JETs who can relate to me.

I arrived in Japan on the last day of July, 2022. I'd never been to Japan before because my study abroad opportunities got canceled in college, and I was very excited to move outside the country and visit the country for the first time.

The JET Program came highly recommended to me by my professors and other acquaintances as the best way to work in Japan and experience the culture after college. I was very intimidated by the program's somewhat prestigious aura and reputation as being the way to get here, but not for very long after arriving.

I was lucky to travel with my friend Lu who had also gotten accepted in the same year, and we departed out of Portland, over to Seattle, and finally went to orientation in Tokyo. The entire process was very confusing and anxiety-inducing, so having someone familiar with me was very comforting. I'm very grateful to Lu, and I hope they're doing well in Fukuoka. :)

On one hand, I noticed immediately after arriving in Japan that JET's Japanese staff really manifested that vibe I felt over Zoom. Demanding formality yet corporate, being complicated yet vague, and unforgiving yet asking for perfection. Even after only being here for two months I've grown to be very critical of how the program runs. But individually, everyone really tries their best, and that was evident by the wonderful people I've met in Kumamoto Prefecture. After listening to lots of presentations and meeting lots of new people in Tokyo, I went to my placement in Nishiki Town.

JET's favorite saying is ESID or "every situation is different", which is just a fancy way of shrugging off the crazy amount of variation between every placement. They could never possibly manage to get all of Japan's local or prefectural boards of education (BOE) to agree to treat their ALTs (teachers) or CIRs (teachers or office workers who learned more Japanese) the same way. Every BOE has their own feelings towards the JET program and expectations for how they want their JET to contribute to the education system in their town.

I'm lucky to be placed at a BOE with an amazing supervisor, and a senior ALT who has five years of knowledge about both Nishiki and how its schools work. However, there are definitely imperfections and kinks in the system that just haven't been worked out by the BOE or JET despite having done this rotation of foreigners moving in and out for years. I had a hard first two weeks of adjusting to living by alone, living in a new country, being in a completely different culture, and being without any close friends around me all for the first time. When things in my apartment didn't seem ready for me or I couldn't hit the ground running, I felt confused. The people were so kind and welcoming, but there were miscommunications or road blocks from various places that I didn't expect. An example that sums up my feelings well is when I was sent a detailed email to me weeks before I arrived about money, work, and living in Japan, but to the wrong email address. There was no follow up to make sure I received the email, and I could've prepared so much better for life in Nishiki if I had read it. I could see the great efforts people put into preparing for my arrival, but there was a dissonance because it didn't translate into a painless and comfortable transition for me. Thus, it was hard to feel at home when I was so overwhelmed by everything and there were so many mountains I needed to start climbing.

Before this, school has been the constant moratorium that preoccupied me and kept me from learning how to survive in the "real world". (Even now, I think the JET Program is still a moratorium that I am under, but it's not as comprehensive.) Of course many people who are older than me have already said, "well at least...". And what I've glimmered from that advice is that I want to practice showing gratitude to others and to myself. It's okay to be young and overwhelmed because I don't know anything yet. If I'm grateful for everyone helping me in my life and understand that I've already persevered so much, I can find more motivation to create a life for myself in Japan. Additionally, I just might find time to unpack the many thoughts of identity and belonging and purpose that Japan has challenged me with.

[newtonsheffield]

Hi! Hope you’re having a nice weekend. I was curious if you would ever consider exploring a “What if” AU for Royals where Anthony does call Kate after that first night? I know it probably wouldn’t be as dramatic, but there was a line in there about how Anthony knows if he hadn’t done what he had done, then everyone probably would have thought he was perfect for Kate, and it made me wonder what that would have been like for them.

Hello!

I am having a good weekend! It's a four day weekend leading into a two day work week courtesy of this trash team building day so you know!

Anyway! I think that had it not been for the coup of it all, The palace would have been glad of the idea of Anthony as Kate's companion. He's young, and handsome, and a viscount, she could definitely do worse. So let's take a little look at how this would have gne.

“Did you have a run in with some sort of animal last night, Kate?”

And in her sleep deprived state Kate hadn’t seemed to think the better of sharing this with her seventeen year old sister, “Something like that.”

Edwina had made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat, “Sophie’s on her way in, and you might want to dig out some high necklines to cover that mess.”

Sophie’s eyes had flickered over her appearance in that non judgmental way she had tutting a little and saying “I’ll send the make up girls in. I hope it was at least good.”

And something deep within her had burned when she saw the little patchwork quilt of bruises and nips he’d left along her collarbone, her neck, possessively done almost, a smirk coming to her face when she thought that at least she wouldn’t have to have the stylists cover the marks his stubble had left between her thighs.

“Oh it was good enough.”

“You’re foul.” Edwina had said primly, though her lips were ticking upwards in a smirk. “Will we be seeing this, I hesitate to use the word gentleman, again?”

Kate’s heart had done an odd little flutter as she thought about the note she’d left him, forcing herself to shrug. “I don’t know.”

She sat in the make up chair while her team chatted around her, working quickly before she had to meet Mary. Kate's mind kept slipping back to last night, the way Anthony had grinned down at her in his kitchen as he'd searched for something for them to eat, his hips between hers as he hoisted her onto his kitchen counter his voice hot in her ear Oh look, I've found something for me to eat.

It had been nice despite how filthy parts of it had been, and not just to escape, but to feel some kind of connection.

"Kate, your phone is ringing." Sophie said a little exasperatedly, not looking up from her own phone as she typed furiously.

Kate stared down at it, the unknown number making her heart beat quickly Surely it couldn't be him. She'd only left him a few hours ago... Surely it wasn't him, her hand hesitated over it.

"Oh for God's sake." Edwina snatched the phone from her lap from her chair beside Kate's. And before Kate could stop her she'd answered it. "Hi, Kate's phone?"

Edwina's eyebrows shot up, ignoring Kate's insistently holding out her hand. "Anthony?"

Kate's heart stopped, her mouth falling open, "Eddie give me the phone."

"Anthony, Kate's just in make up right now, Can I-?"

"Give me the phone!"

"Oh! She's done apparently! Well Done Anthony, you got her out of her chair." Edwina was grinning manically now as Kate snatched the phone from her, sweeping from the room her make up barely done, her heart pounding.

"Um Hi? Anthony?"

Silence stretched over the other end of the phone for half a second before a deep voice rumbled through it "Now, I don't know about wanting to escape again, but do you want to get dinner tonight?"

Kate felt her mouth fall open, the answer on her lips immediately, but there was just a tiny problem, last night she'd been Kate, and this morning she had responsibilities and appearances and a make up team and Christ.

"It's kind of... complicated for me." Kate said awkwardly, casting around the hallway, blanching a little as she saw Mary striding this way.

A laugh echoed through the phone "Oh you mean because you're the Princess?"

Kate's stomach sunk, So he had known, she knew he had to have but to hear him say it was different. "Yeah, that complicates my life a lot actually."

Anthony hummed, "I wasn't really honest about myself last night either, but come to dinner with me, and I'll explain. This is going to sound a little insane but... Kate, I'm really glad we met last night and it's been a long time since I met someone that I felt like this with so I'm not really ready to let that go yet."

She could feel her heart pounding, He hadn't been honest about himself? What did that mean? Was he some sort of criminal? No, that didn't seem right, he'd seemed a lot like her, looking for something you shouldn't have been able to find in a dive bar. But it had felt like she'd found it anyway.

And she knew she really shouldn't but she couldn't help herself "Um... yeah okay. But just as a warning... I have to bring a guard with me this time, last night was... unusual for me."

"As long as you're there I don't care." She almost thought he might mean it.

"Can I at least know your last name before tonight?" She should at least know that much if she was going to sell this.

"Well, That seems fair. I'm Anthony Bridgerton."

_______

"Um... Mary?"

Mary looked up at her curiously at the end of their meeting with the Spanish Ambassador. "What's wrong?"

Kate blanched, "Um... nothing's wrong."

Mary raised her eyebrow, "Am I about to find out where you spent last night? Or with whom it was spent?"

"How do you-?"

"Darling, Sophie's a very good liar, but did you really think if I knew you were unwell I wouldn't have checked on you." Kate opened her mouth to give some excuse, to tell her that she hadn't spent the night being bent every which way, but Mary cut her off. "You're an adult, Kate. You can sleep with whoever you like. Do you need the morning after-?"

"Mary!" Kate hissed, looking around at Steve, politely looking in the other direction, obviously wishing he was anywhere but there. "We used protec- I'm not talking about this with you!"

Mary looked fairly unruffled, "Well Why did you bring it up then?"

"I didn't bring that up! I'm going out with him, tonight."

Mary frowned. "And his name is?"

Kate sighed, "Anthony Bridgerton."

Mary's mouth dropped open, "Viscount Anthony Bridgerton?"

Both of them stared at each other, surprised, Steve cleared his throat.

"I am not confirming that the address you were collected from this morning-" Kate avoided Mary's slightly impressed look "is the official residence of Viscount Bridgerton."

Well... Fuck.

__________

Kate could see him, through the window of the restaurant, no other patrons around, even more handsome than he had been last night. He was dressed a little more formally tonight, so was she she supposed, the dark grey plaid of his suit perfectly tailored, the purple of his waistcoat bright against it, the similar to her dress she realised with a small smile.

"We don't have to go in." Steve hummed quietly at her hesitation.

Kate smiled, "I think I will, You could take him right?"

He scoffed, "Please."

Kate swung the door open, watching as Anthony fumbled to his feet, his hand in his hair, adjusting his glasses.

"Kate, sorry... Your Royal Highness?" He seemed nervous here, so different than he'd been last night. Kate rolled her eyes, leaning in to kiss his cheek, a little thrilled at the way his breath caught.

"Kate's fine. Your royal Highness is a little formal for a date. I usually save it for the bedroom." Anthony choked as he pulled out her chair, sliding it in for her to sit.

She watched as he slid back around the table taking his own seat, "And you? Do you prefer Anthony or Lord Bridgerton?"

His eyes widened a little, "So you figured out my secret."

"I don't think it's much of a secret if my mother knows your mother."

His handsome smirk was back, "Did you tell your mum about me?"

Her lips twitched, "Did you tell your mum about me?"

He stared back at her, his eyes dancing in the low light. "I'd like to tell everyone about you, but for now I think I'll keep you to myself."

"There might not be anything to tell, if you don't feed me this time."

"Well, we wouldn't want that now would we?"

Kate groaned when she woke up the next morning, cushioned against Anthony's chest, his hands tangling in her hair, to three missed calls from sophie and a text that said Am I stopping this or not?

A picture of her and Anthony at Dinner, him whispering in her ear, his hand on her thigh, the headline Princess Kate on Steamy Date With Dishy Viscount

Kate hummed showing the article to Anthony a little embarrassedly, "Um... my team wants to know if this is something they should keep quiet for now. Like if this isn't going anywhere, or you don't want this to be-?"

Anthony cut her ff with a kiss, his tongue tangling with hers, his eyes soft. "I think that you should let it come out because... I don't really want to hide this, but if you'd rather not-"

Kate turned back to her phone typing out Let it go, and maybe start preparing to introduce the country to my new boyfriend.

[all-about-seggs]

A pact in blood-

Rating: 18+, Explicit

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x Fem! Reader

Word count: ~3K

Warnings: Semi-incest (Satoru is your cousin/ distant relative), masturbation, Cunnilingus, fingering, hand job, the relationship is a bit messed up, yandereish undertones.

A/n: This takes place when he's still in the academy.* Image source*

“AA-ahhh! Please don’t- don’t stop…”,

Your broken pleas reverberated through the room as Satoru’s deft fingers worked their way in and out of your sopping wet hole. You gripped the sturdy jacket that covered his shoulders, folding the fabric between your fists was the only thing you could do to maintain the last shred of composure you had.

He was like a passing cloud who offered you momentary relief and was on his way as soon as your were done, the fragments of longings that remained on your body etched deeper after every night.

Position after position, he went from your pussy over his lips to eating you out ass up and face down, all for the pleasure you couldn’t seem to get by yourself. You were now splayed out on his lap, face buried in his neck and one arm draped over him for support. Waves of his sweet scent and the euphoria assaulting your senses at the same time, taking you closer and closer to the edge.

It’s been quite some time now but the memory of your first encounter with your unfairly gorgeous cousin Satoru has been etched into your mind as if it happened just yesterday.

You were in the manor of the esteemed Gojo clan for a family event and even though you didn’t shared the same surname you were related nonetheless and were hence invited. It was a four day and three night celebration where the entire place was abuzz with excitement.

It didn’t really mattered to you, being here with a go with a flow kind of attitude, you just minded your own business until spoken to and not mingling with the faceless crowd of people you didn’t even knew the names of.

Thankfully your room was in the separate building which was a little bit further from where all the riotous events centered around. After just half a day of being in the middle of the chaos you wanted to find a way to unwind and that’s when it happened.

Stark naked and two fingers up your little cunt, there was no explaining or bullshitting your way out of this situation when the heir of the household, Satoru Gojo himself walked in in you. Feeble attempts to cover yourself and half hearted stutterings died in your mouth as soon as the young man opened his.

“ Wrong”, the deadpan reply of his made your already shaken up state worsen. Panic flooding in your system begged you to make excuses or atleast request him to not speak of this to anyone, after all families of high status are nothing if not conservative and you didn’t wanted to cause anyone any trouble.

“ I meant, y/n chan, that you’re doing it wrong”, not paying any mind to your internal conflict he continued speaking form where he stood near the door, “ don’t you know how to masturbate? I thought you were in highschool?”

His genuinely perplexed tone made you reconsider your previous opinions about the heir to the clan. Satoru, a guy who walked in on a relative masturbating, was supposed to show courtesy and leave the second he entered but instead he was rating your technique, which in all honesty may have been lacking indeed but you were desperate to cum and he seemed to pick up on that.

“ Since you’re clearly having trouble getting off”, he loosened the obi of his particularly formal kimono and shifted his uncovered ocean blue eyes towards your form, “Want me to teach you?”, his question made you gulp, then gauge your eyeballs out in disbelief. Sure you weren’t closely related and have only spoken once or twice but you attended all the occasions and holiday celebrations at their place and knew that your relationship was only platonic. His offer to cross that line made you flinch back at first.

Heaving a sigh he closed the door and sat cross legged on the tatami mat next to your futon.

“ Relax, t’s not a big deal”, flashing a toothy grin he leaned forward until your noses touched.

“ Afterall, I AM your big brother”

“ wait- you’re also in highschool!”, You retorted, “ I bet you’re a virgin too. So what CAN you teach me anyway?”, overcoming the initial embarrassment, your mouth started moving in its own accord only getting encouraged by his laid back demeanor.

“ Pfttt- so you get defensive when cornered? How cute!”, he giggled, a smile teasing at his lips at your obvious attempt to hide the shame burning in your core.

“Don’t worry, I know my way around a pussy just fine”, light hearted words fell effortlessly from his mouth and you could swear half of your brain was short circuiting because of his crude way of speaking. For all his regal appearance, he was just like any other highschooler, a year older than you but his stature and delicate features gave him a magestic aura that exceeds that of people decades older than him.

Just by the few encounters from the past, you figured he wasn’t one for following traditions or rules if it didn’t suit him. He was way above the rest, in his own distant world everytime you saw him, the school he went to, the things he had experienced were all different.

Forgetting the other's existence after passing each other by with a few formalities exchanged was all you had done with each. You two were never close or even friends but now the chance presented itself to take your non existent relationship to the extreme end through your bodies.

You wanted this.

To feel good. The hormones of youth pumping your impulsiveness you relax your muscles and lie on your back. You could clearly hear Satoru’s playfully indifferent chuckle from above when you slowly part your legs to show him the sides of yourself that even you have never completely seen.

“Just this once, okay?”

He said he was just teaching you how to masturbate but it wasn’t that simple. The only person to get naked was you and the only person who experienced the mind numbing pleasure, was also you. He only needed his deft fingers and mouth to make you feel better and for a while you didn’t even question.

That one lesson of self pleasure which you both were supposed to forget turned into an entire session as day after day Satoru would show up at your parents house unbeknownst to a soul and you both crossed the same lines of platonic relationship everyday.

The euphoria was endless but with a single rule that you weren’t allowed to touch him in turn and it goes without saying that the two of you never went all the way. It would always start with small talks about the day, even when you’d be talking, all your focus was on what was to come next.

That’s why after a few weeks of the detached pleasure he provided you, it got you thinking what he actually wanted from you. Satoru had already seen, touched and tasted all your body had to offer, never revealing any of his own.

You wondered if he ever felt sexually frustrated by always giving and never asking for anything in return. You knew he was not THAT nice. At least that’s what you believed considering his sadistic streak in bed. He did seem to be enjoying himself when he's messing you up so maybe he didn’t have many sexual urges that he needed to satisfy and was just acting on curiosity or maybe he had someone else, someone older with more experience who he didn’t constantly had a upper hand with and was able to see them as an equal. This thought alone made your chest tight, with an unnatural pain that threatened to break your heart.

You had to catch your darkening train of thought before it reached to the conclusion you were most afraid of. Knowing full well that this was just a fleeting moment that is only supposed to be enjoyed through a lens of carefree thinking, you push the budding feelings of the some very complicated emotions out of your system. The surge of jealousy you felt may have born out of falling in love with a family member but it was wrong on so many levels.

A love that starts with lust never ends well for anyone but as you were laying in his arms, the control over your body handed completely to him, your mind wondered how things would feel vice versa.

“ You seem distracted y/n”, Satoru looked at you, with his glasses off the beautiful azure eyes hidden beneath a delicate layer of white eyelashes filled your vison.

“ I’m obviously not doing it right if you have time to get lost in your thoughts”, putting you down on your bed, he started to move away and for a minute you got your hopes up, thinking your chance to finally have him completely and you cursed yourself for wanting at the same time. But no amount of berating would scrub off the insatiable thirst you had, for its roots had already made their way to your heart.

“Please let me help you too”, these few words took a lot of guts, letting go of all the inhibitions and threads of morality you fix Satoru with an unwavering gaze.

“ That’s okay babygirl, I’M the one who does the teaching here afterall”, you saw what he was trying to do, his airy yet gentle tone didn’t left much room for argument but the gray zone of your relationship was blurring to the point of confusion urged you to give into your clamoring emotions.

Without a second thought you jumped on him with all your might, closing the distance he put within seconds to cover his mouth with yours. You knew how much you weighed but despite your aggressive actions his sturdy form didn’t even deter form his position while catching you. You twirled your tongue over the roof of his mouth, the taste of your juices still lingering in there.

Hoping to have proven your resolve that wasn’t going to settle for getting brushed aside you break the kiss and look expectantly at him. An invisible bond between the two of you taking shape, strengthening the magnetism that attracted you to him.

“ That eager for my cock are you?”, Taking your face in one of his huge hand he makes you look straight at him, “You really want more? More than I'm already giving you?”, just one more push. You thought, with just a bit of coaxing, you were sure Satoru's wishy washy rules would crumble to make way for your upcoming actions.

“ I do. I know exactly what I want but”, steeling your nerves you face him, eye to eye, “ What do YOU want?”. The question was simple but the conflict swirling within Satoru’s eyes was evident and for the first time you realised that maybe this wasn’t just a case of casual hookup for him as well.

“ I want all your firsts. That’s all.” After a short stretch of silence he spoke, ironically the borderline obsessiveness of his glib response, like magic, cleared away the fog was previously clouding your mind. The nonchalance of his smirk should've been the red flag that made you rethink your life choices but the heat of the moment only seemed to ignite your lust.

Not uttering a single word, you quickly work on shedding him off his cloths, he doesn’t make any attempts at stopping you this time around, this knowledge pulling a smile out of you. By the time you reached for his boxers your hands were shaking.

Whether from excitement or nervousness you couldn’t tell but looking down through the veil of his heavy eyelashes, Satoru’s passion was evident.

Eyeing up his exposed body you still for a moment to take it all in. You ran you hands through his sculpted chest and down to his abdomen, your nails scratching the surface of his defined muscles. All of his masculinity contrasted with his oddly sweet scent and velvety pink lips that never failed to lure you in for deep soft kisses.

There’s no doubt girls must be always fawning over him and his perfectly smooth skin was something that even made you jealous. You were so captivated by his looks that you had to shake yourself free from your lovesick stupor .

You feel him up a little, hands running across his toned chest, you drag your nails through the rise and dips of his abdomen down to the contours of his defined V- line before turning your attention to his hardening member. Your breath quickens as your trembling fingers hook beneath his waistband.

Taking out his pulsating member you run your eyes up and down his entire length. He was big, to say at the very least. Bigger than you'd expected and more than you thought you could handle but backing out now would be straight up hypocrisy when your drooling mouth said otherwise.

With your ass right next to his chest, you start licking and sucking his tip with fervour, not wanting to waste even a single drop of his cum that you wanted so bad. You heard him moan lightly behind you, his voice only fuelled the fire that was burning your core. Having never given a blow job to anyone before you struggled in keeping a steady pace and his girthy cock didn’t make it any easier on you.

In just a few minutes you jaw ached and your entire face hurted but Satoru showed no signs of cumming.

In your own world again, you racked up your brain to figure out how to please him when suddenly you felt a hand climbing up your thigh. With the other hand he gripped your hips and pulled your lower half until you were straddling his mouth.

“ It’s a lot better like this don’t you think?”, as he spoke you felt his breath caressing your nether lips and you shivered in delight at the new position.

He snaked his hands in between your thighs and spread open your slit, glistening with your dripping arousal using his thumbs. Every single fold of yours now in display Satoru licked his plush lips before leaving open mouthed kisses on the exposed skin. His lips pulling out a series of appreciative hums as you desperately try to focus on your own actions.

Taking his hard length half in your mouth and half in one of your hand you tried to match the skilful movements of Satoru’s tongue that relentlessly lapped at your clit. After a few minutes of trying and failing to suck him up properly your senses got completely clouded by the heavy onslaught of that familiar release you had gotten used to.

You wanted to ask him to stop so you catch up to him but he the vigor in his actions and your own overwhelming surge of desires made you decide against it, the broken stings of his name died down with you still half choking on his length.

The only thing your lust laden mind could decipher except for pleasure was shame. To you, it was shameful how, being the one who asked to touch him, you were the one tethering near the edge. Before long your convulsing pussy was dripping with your juices, trickling down from his face that was still buried nose deep in your crotch.

Messing you up always filled Satoru with a kind of affection that he didn’t thought he was capable of.

Your cute whines getting muffled by his cock that you could only take half way past your llip sent waves of ecstasy down his spine. The cum that kept on flowing from your aching hole that he was the first to taste and the last as well took him to a high that no amount of pleasure could.

He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be the provider of your everything who had complete control over you or if he just wanted to spend hours into the night, praising every fibre of your being that was so eager to make him feel good. This duality of his thoughts confused him further and in that moment he knew he had to see this to the end.

Your heavy pants was the only thing that could be heard in the otherwise silent room, guilt and pleasure leaving you tongue tied. You move yourself from above him, your quivering body falling like a sac just beside his own.

“ I’m sorry! I couldn’t make you-“, before you could finish your breathy apology he brought up a finger near your frowning lips to quite you down.

“Its okay sugar, it was your first time. Not a big deal.”, the soft notes of his voice took the edge off of the disappointment you felt, “I told you. I’ll teach you everything.”

Those eyes. Two shining orbs of brilliant blue gazed at you in the same way you found yourself staring at him. Watching over you like it was their birthright and oddly enough, the scrutiny made you feel completly at home just like the warmth of his long arms that wrapped themselves around you.

" Realx Y/n, I'll be very thourough with my teaching, afterall,", your heart thumped loudly in your chest in response to his smooth voice, "I don't do things halfway.

The pleasent fatigue that had taken a hold of your body slowly dissipated but the growing haziness of your mind got you wondering if you were falling in deepness of his ocean blue eyes but as soon realization hit you, you were already halfway through blacking out.

That you’d never be forgiven for wanting.

From that moment on, you knew.

Part 2? Idk you tell me(╯︵╰,)

[cheeriecherry]

hi!! how are you? can you write for baku, deku, & todo where they meet their s/o family for the first time & they’re super scary? they’re all super tall, buff, full of tattoos, loud, aggressive, mean & the fam is super overprotective over s/o & the 3 are just freaking out bc s/o is the opposite? s/o is super sweet, calm, bubbly & short so the last thing they were expecting was this & they’re just freaking out & trying to get on their s/o’s family good side? sorry if that sounds complicated 😭

The more specific the ask, the better! I’ll see what my brain can come up with, I’ve just had couch medicine so

Requests are temporarily closed so I can catch up on them!

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

-Loud boi isn’t gonna let anyone know that he’s intimidated.

-He’s already a little nervous to meet your family for the first time, though he’d never admit it. You were so hesitant to ask him to come over, and at first he thought it was because he was the loud and aggressive one.

-But that Saturday afternoon when he walks up to your house and your dad answers the door, he’s like ‘oh’ and it all clicks into place.

-He loves you a lot, so he wants to make a good impression, but he also never backs down from a challenge. So he and your dad have a stare down in the doorway, until you stroll around the corner and see them.

-You scold your dad and tell him to stop being rude to your boyfriend. Your dad doesn’t say anything, but he sighs and lets Bakugou in.

-The fun doesn’t stop there, though. You tug Bakugou around the house from room to room introducing him to your family, and every single one of them gives him the same cold, mildly threatening stare.

-Ngl your uncle who lives in the basement apartment kinda scares him, but he doesn’t say anything and tries to play it cool. The guy is built like a brick house and covered head to toe in intricate tattoos.

-He doesn’t mention it, but you can tell that your boyfriend is wondering about potential ties you have to the mafia, with a guy like that living in your house. But you assure him it’s just your uncle’s quirk that gives him the art on his skin, and that he’s actually pretty shy about it and doesn’t like going out.

-The last person he meets is your mom. With everyone being so much taller and physically stronger than you, he assumes that your mom is gonna be the person you got your tiny genes from.

-Lol no

-She’s at least six feet tall, and without a doubt the most intimidating person in the house. She’s got the face of an angel and the grace of a butterfly, but behind her smile Bakugou can see the willingness to kill anyone who hurts her baby (you).

-Lunch with the fam is a little awkward at first, until your younger cousin goads Bakugou into a spice eating contest. Then the shouting at the table begins, everyone placing their bets on who they think will win. You’re the only one who bets on your boyfriend, and you get like a hundred collective bucks out of your family members when he wins.

-He’s earned the respect of your cousin, who’s like eight maybe and now deems Bakugou a respectable opponent. Bakugou is torn between yelling and patting the kid on the head, so he probably does both and shouts at the kid to keep practicing so they can try and beat him one day.

-At the end of the visit, your boyfriend is surprisingly calm. You’re walking him home, arm in arm, not really saying much. Though you do tell him that he’s taking your living situation pretty well.

-He’s like wdym? And you explain to him that most of your friends and potential partners are scared of your family and refuse to come over because of them.

-Bakugou just scoffs and is like ‘of course they are, because they’re chicken shits. As if I’d be scared of a bunch of-’ and he pauses because you start laughing, not at him, just about the situation.

-Your family actually really likes him and find him a suitable boyfriend for you. They know you’re strong, but they want someone who can protect you and who’s loyal to you, and they see that in Bakugou. They probably invite him to the next family gathering.

MIDORIYA IZUKU

-A nervous boi

-He wants so badly to make a good impression on your family, to get their approval of your relationship. He knows you’re close with them, so he doesn’t want their potential opinions of him to sway your desire to be with him.

-He dresses casually but tidy, and while he waits at the door he fiddles with his shirt a bit.

-Almost has a heart attack when your sister opens the door and glares down at him with the rage of 1000 suns.

-He does his best to introduce himself formally and be polite, but your sister is making it awfully hard for him to stay focused. She doesn’t say anything to him, so he just continues chattering until he’s off on a tangent and saying way too much.

-And you’re like ‘I feel my boyfriend danger senses tingling’ so you go downstairs and lo and behold. 

-Ofc he’s not in any actual danger, just the danger of making a fool of himself. You set a hand on your sister’s arm, and the moment you do it’s like all the anger in her body dissipates and she turns into a sweet, smiling bean. Then she skips away to go do her homework.

-You pull Midoriya inside and give him a once-over anyways, just to make sure your sister didn’t burn holes in him with her glares. But he assures you he’s alright, and he’s a lot more relaxed now that you’re around.

-Probably says something like ‘I can see why you were so nervous about bringing me to your house, your older sister seems really protective of you’

-and you’re like ‘um,,,,actually she’s my younger sister’ and he’s like ‘wot’ and you’re like ‘also she’s the least scary of everyone’ and he’s like ‘wOT’

-You waste no time parading him from room to room to show him off, all while his soul slowly escapes his body.

-Your parents actually scare him the least, like, of course they’re protective of you, but they have the common courtesy not to exaggerate their scary qualities. They still tower over both you and Midoriya, but they’re mostly civil in terms of interactions.

-Your older brothers scare him a little bit more. They share the basement suite, so you drag your boyfriend downstairs to introduce them all to each other...and interrupt their poker game with their friends.

-All of them have some kind of tattoo visible, nothing Midoriya recognizes as any gang symbol, but he’s still wary. However, he manages to say hello and all the pleasantries, and actually gets a smile out of one of your brothers, who tries to rope him into a game of cards.

-Thankfully you save him with the excuse that you still have more family to show him off to, but he’s left with the promise of ‘later, then’.

-Lastly is your sister, who he’s technically already met. She’s arguably the scariest of everyone. She’s easily almost six feet tall and looks like she could bench press the two of you with ease. You promise him that she’s a literal sweet pea, but when the two of you walk up to her room, Midoriya isn’t so sure.

-She glares at him hard, like she’s judging him about everything and if he doesn’t pass she’ll snap him in half. He has to swallow the lump in his throat, and quickly looks around the room for some kind of thing to ask about that might get her to open up.

-And he sees it. One of the rarer All Might figures from an old merch line, one that he also has, so he’s like ‘do you like All Might’ and it’s like a switch is flipped.

-You breathe a sigh of relief as the two of them start nerding out about their favourite hero, sprouting facts and recalling films and old news videos. When he mentions that All Might teaches at his school, your sister honest to god squeals, and starts asking all kinds of questions about what kind of teacher he is, what he’s learned, what it’s like to be a protogee of such a great hero. He answers everything with glee, all his former fears forgotten.

-When it comes time for dinner, your sister insists that your boyfriend sit next to her, which is apparently a very high honor because one of your brothers sulks off to the other end of the table. (You assure your brother later that it’s just temporary and that your sister just really likes your boyfriend).

-But seeing the two of them interact warms your heart, it’s usually hard for your sister to make friends because she’s so intimidating, so you’re glad they’re getting along. And so does the rest of your family! They see Midoriya’s kindness and hardworking attitude, and they warm up to him pretty quickly.

-It ends up being a really enjoyable night, despite the rocky start. Though sadly yes your boyfriend does eventually get roped into a game of poker, and yes your brother’s cheat, but you cheat too, and you’re all betting in chocolate coins. You share your hoard with him.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

-He goes into it being not nervous, and ends up being Quite nervous once he meets your family.

-When he arrives, you’re thankfully the one to answer the door, so he doesn’t get hassled, so everything seems pretty normal right off the bat. Until your cousin walks through the room and is like ‘???? who’s this pipsqueak???’ and Todoroki is torn between being his usual snarky self and being polite.

-He wats to throw shade right back, but for your sake he wants to make a good impression. You’re used to his manners (or lack thereof) but he doesn’t want your family to think he’s not worthy of you. He really loves you a lot and wants to stay with you.

-So he goes for a formal introduction, even going in for a handshake. It’s kind of funny, because your cousin is like ‘lol what are manners’ but your glare forces him to return the gesture. His hand completely dwarfs your boyfriend’s, and you have to hide a snicker.

-And then the guy awkwardly wanders out of the room.

-You and Todoroki kind of just stand there for a second, and then he’s like ‘is this what you meant when you said your family was intimidating’ and you’re like ‘:3′

-You give him a tour of the house, a nice modest place with traditional aspects. It’s nowhere near as big as his, but he like it that way, it makes the place more homey and warm.

-You introduce him to family members as you come across them; your younger twin nuisances cousins, who are more mischievous than dangerous, your aunt and her wife, who look like they could get away with murder, your brother and his friends, who mostly only glare at Todoroki to try and make him uncomfortable.

-Thankfully he’s used to the stoic and slightly scary expressions, thanks to his dad. He wonders momentarily if you’re safe here, but then he realizes that everyone in the house is especially kind to you, and very affectionate when they think he’s not looking. He doesn’t even bother asking the question.

-Lastly are your parents, who are in the kitchen preparing dinner. They’re a little perturbed that you’re both in the kitchen when they’re working, but they seem to be less purposefully intimidating than everyone else. They’re still a little scary though.

-Then he notices that your parents are making soba. From scratch. Which is particularly difficult to master, so he figures they must be pretty well practiced if they’re so good at it.

-Without thinking, he asks if they’ve made soba before, and soon your parents are sprouting off about their culinary careers and the restaurant they run. You were supposed to take over one day, but you ultimately chose a different path in life, even after they taught you so much.

-Todoroki didn’t even realize you could cook, but now he wants more than anything to try your meals someday, or learn a few things from you and make dinners together.

-It startles him a little that he’s thinking so far ahead in your lives, but honestly if you’ve managed to get him as a boyfriend then you’re likely to have him for your whole life, if you want him.

-He talks a little more with your parents about the food, expressing in his way that he’s looking forward to a dinner that’s had so much hard work go into it. And you can see the little light go on in your parents’ heads, the light that signals they approve of your choice in boyfriend and have started making room in their hearts for him.

-Dinner is nice, pretty peaceful aside from your twin cousins causing their usual trouble, but he’s nonplussed by it. he still wonders how you managed to come out so small in comparison to everyone else, but it doesn’t bother him too much. He can see that you’re loved and well cared for, and a little piece of him hopes that one day he’ll be able to get to know your family even better.

[smaidjor]

i know they're losing (chapter 2)

Hello everyone! Since the last chapter received such a positive response (well, if screaming could be called a positive response), I've decided to not make you all wait long for the second chapter of this fic. Also, I have no self-control. Anyways!

Once again obligatory disclaimer this is characters not people, don't ship real people, etc.

Chapter Title: over snow and winter's morn

Chapter Wordcount: 3203

Content warnings: more discussion of death, also quite a bit of Scott being a bit of a dick. He's going through it, besties.

AO3 Link

Chapter 1

Actual fic under the cut:

Jimmy doesn’t get a chance to return the ring any time in the next few weeks. Scott must have told Katherine that he visited, since she doesn’t come to bother him about it, and every time Jimmy tries to go to Rivendell, something gets in the way. Demon attacks, urgent business in his empire, once even Scott’s own guards turning him away. Apparently Scott is a ‘busy elf’. Jimmy doesn’t doubt he is, but he also doesn’t doubt that Scott’s actively trying to avoid him. Scott is a petty man, ultimately, and Jimmy knows this, used to love it like he loved all his husband’s flaws, all his imperfections that were perfect to Jimmy. Now, though, it just hurts that Scott’s turning that pettiness on him.

Finally, something changes. Jimmy gets an invitation (in person!) from one of his closest allies; Lizzie wants to hold a ball, and she wants as many people as possible to come. It will be fancy and formal, with dancing and politics and all the things Jimmy’s just a bit awkward with, but he is an extrovert at heart, and well...Scott will be there, as Lizzie warns him.

“I know you and him don’t really get on, so I get if you don’t want to come. I really hope you will, though, it’s going to be a fun night!”

Jimmy nods. “I’ll be there! I need to talk to Scott anyways, actually, got to return this ring to him. It’s important, I think.”

“Gotcha! See you there,” Lizzie says with a broad smile. Jimmy appreciates that she doesn’t ask any questions about the ring, especially given that it’s the one thing holding together his emotional state right now.

And that’s how he finds himself frantically searching for something fancy enough to wear to a formal ball, wishing he’d had the forethought to plan for this a bit better. Scott would have planned, he thinks, would have had an outfit laid out for each of them and the time it would take them to get there exactly calculated.

He shakes that thought off, settling for a green tunic with copper accents. It’s not the most elegant thing in the world, especially when you take into account the slime that’s dripped onto it, but it’ll have to do. It’s representative of his empire for sure, and the copper is a nod to his ally. It’s good enough, and that’s what matters, Jimmy thinks.

Lizzie greets him when he enters the ballroom, smiling widely with her new fiance by her side. “Jimmy! Glad you could make it!”

“Yeah, yeah, I did make it! Here I am!” The smile he gives her is genuine; he likes Lizzie. She's fierce and kind all at once, the best kind of ally.

Joel offers him a brief wave, which Jimmy happily returns before Lizzie drags him off to chat.

“So, heard from a little birdy you’ve actually been visiting Scott,” Lizzie says, a grin like the cat that got the bird on her face.

“As a favor to Katherine,” Jimmy quickly clarifies.

She nods. “She did say that, yes. She also said she heard about the visit from Scott himself.”

Jimmy hates himself a little for being pathetic enough to ask “What did- did she say what he said? Was he talking about me?”

“She didn’t say exactly, but he seemed ‘shaken up’, apparently...and a little wistful.”

“Oh, no. Lizzie, no.”

“Say, why did you have his ring?” She’s still grinning, a little more evil this time.

“It’s a long story!” Jimmy blurts, and flees. How’s he supposed to say ‘oh we were married on a server where we thought we were going to permanently die and then we respawned here and now Scott’s refusing to talk to me because the grief over my last death is slowly killing him’ tactfully? There’s just no way to do it! Nice one, Jimmy, now she thinks you’re in love with him or something, he thinks ruefully. Not that he isn’t- wasn’t. Wasn’t. Scott’s made it very clear that he and Jimmy are through.

Still, even with his depressing thoughts, the ball is pretty okay. No one’s gotten assassinated, there haven’t been any demonic appearances, Lizzie’s already showing off her engagement ring, and he’s pretty sure Joey’s going off about how hot demons are. It’s a decent party, by empires standards.

Scott makes an appearance some twenty minutes or so later, stepping into the ballroom with typical elven grace. He’s not a very elven elf, as he once told Jimmy, short and sarcastic with a love for mortals, but he still looks twice as elegant as everyone else in the ballroom. The shakiness in his step from a few weeks ago seems entirely gone, and for a minute, Jimmy’s heart leaps in hope. Maybe he’s getting better?

Well, only one way to find out. Jimmy swallows the complicated knot of emotion in his chest as he crosses the ballroom, coming to an ungraceful stop in front of Scott. Up close, the elf looks worryingly pale, and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks like a strong breeze might sweep him away.

“Lord Codfather,” Scott greets.

“Elvenking,” Jimmy returns, dipping his head a little. Look, Scott, he can be formal too, alright? “Care for a dance?”

Scott stares for a long moment before giving a single nod. “I suppose I wouldn’t mind.” He takes Jimmy’s outstretched hand in his own gloved one, letting Jimmy put a hand on his waist as they start into a simple waltz.

Now, Jimmy is a terrible dancer, and he’s not too proud to admit it. He steps on Scott’s feet, gets off-rhythm once or twice, and nearly crashes them straight into Lizzie and Joel. But despite their current status as enemies(ex-spouses?), Scott says nothing about it. He’s silent, in fact, seemingly caught up in the music. There’s something wistful about his expression, something soft and gentle hidden under his icy facade. If Jimmy tries hard enough, he can almost pretend that the two of them are back in 3rd life, dancing under the stars, and Scott is looking at him like he’s the most precious thing in the world.

The illusion is shattered, however, by how heavily Scott is leaning on him by the end of the dance. He’s unsteady on his feet, grip like iron on Jimmy’s hand and shoulder. Though Jimmy can’t feel his hands though the gloves, when he brushes against Scott’s arm, it’s still a little too cold to be entirely right.

The music slows and then pauses before the next song, and they head for the edge of the dance floor.

“Thank you for the dance, Codfather,” Scott says. He steps away, face falling back into the emotionless facade so quickly it’s hard to be sure the tender expression of a moment before wasn’t a dream.

That’s the final straw for Jimmy’s fragile self-control. “Can we please stop acting like we don’t know each other?”

“What else do you want from me?” Scott snaps back.

“I- something! Anything! Just acknowledge that I exist, won’t you?”

“Acknowledging you exist doesn’t mean I’m still in love with you, you know.”

“I know,” Jimmy says, a little softer, a little bitter. “I know, trust me. I just want you to stop- to stop hurting yourself to try and avoid pain!”

“That’s not what I’m do-”

“Then what are you doing? Enlighten me, o wise elf!” They’ve kept their voices low enough, but people nearby are still starting to stare at them. Jimmy can’t bring himself to care. “You told me it would destroy you to lose me, but you’re losing me now by pushing me away!”

Scott’s expression is pained for a moment before he covers it with a glare. “I’m trying to do what’s best for the both of us, Jimmy.”

“No you’re-”

“I am an elf, and I cannot love a mortal. Humans are quick flames, burning and changing quickly. You’ll fall in love again, and you’ll forget me. There will be a mortal who loves you- I’m sure there are many already.”

“But I don’t want a mortal,” Jimmy protests. “I want you.”

“You can’t have me.”

“But why? Why, Scott?” His voice breaks, embarrassingly enough. “You said you loved me, you promised me all the time we’d be able to- to carve out, to steal from the universe.”

“I can’t give you that!” Scott snaps. “You’ll live sixty more years, maybe, a fraction of my life, a blink of an eye to an elf, and I can’t even give you that long! Not when I have to be the elvenking before anything else. Nothing I can do will ever be enough for you.”

“Enough for me? For ME? All I want is for you not to die to your own dumb plan and acknowledge my existance once in a while!”

“And all I want is for you to realize I can’t love you again!”

“Why can’t you care about me?”

“Why can’t you move on?” Scott counters.

“You’re not moving on, you’re just trying to forget!” Jimmy shouts.

In the silence that follows, he realizes that most of the ballroom must have heard the end of their little lovers’ quarrel. In fact, Lizzie’s somehow appeared next to him, laying a hand on his arm.

“Is everything alright, boys?” Her tight smile says that they will most certainly get kicked out of the ball if they continue this, and Jimmy can’t blame her.

“My apologies, Ocean Queen,” Scott says, switching to a formal tone with ease that Jimmy envies. He dips his head in respect, and only Jimmy sees how his hands tremble. “Everything is alright, but I am afraid I will have to leave early.”

She smiles again, dangerous this time. “No need to worry, Lord Smajor. Do try to avoid picking fights with my allies, next time, though.”

“It won’t happen again,” he promises, and sweeps away.

“Coward!” Jimmy shouts after him, anger making him bold. “You’re a coward, Scott!”

“Stop it,” Lizzie scolds. “You’ve already made quite the scene, and I did essentially kick him out. I’m not sure how much further you really want to carry it.”

“He is though, Lizzie, he’s a coward! Doesn’t want to face me because that means facing- well, facing everything that’s happened!”

“What do you mean, everything that’s happened?” Lizzie turns to the gathered audience of people who have been watching the spat, shooing them off as best as possible. They slowly disperse, thank goodness. “You and he are enemies, right?”

Jimmy almost winces. “It’s a bit- it’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“I can see that. Jimmy, that looked like a messy breakup!”

“It, um, well, it was. Sort of.”

“Oh, Jimmy.” Lizzie’s giving him a sympathetic look, which she follows up with a tight hug. “Next time, how about we don’t invite him?”

He nods against her shoulder, rage leaving him as quickly as it came. Instead, he just feels...tired. “Thanks, Lizzie.”

“Of course. We look after each other, yeah?’

“Yeah.”

Jimmy leaves the ball exhausted, still reeling from everything that happened. The few lingering bits of anger are what gets him home, a bitter taste in his mouth from the bitter words he spat. Coward! You’re a coward, Scott! He refuses to regret them.

Scott’s ring nearly ends up in the swamp again, but Jimmy’s cooled down enough by the time he gets back that he can’t bear to throw it away. Instead, it goes in a box which he tucks into his old storage chest, somewhere he’ll never have to see it again. Scott can go to hell if he wants the ring back after all that.

-

For a while, Jimmy’s plan to tuck the ring and never think about Scott again seems to be working. Lizzie visits a few times to check on him, but she never asks specifically about Scott, and Jimmy doesn’t say anything about him. He receives radio silence from Rivendell, and he tells himself that it’s good, that he doesn’t want to hear from Scott.

So yes, his plan is working, up until he gets a knock on his door and opens it to find Scott there.

The elf looks terrible, frankly, almost worse than he did at the ball. His hair, which is usually so nicely done, is a mess, cyan strands falling all across his face. His clothes are wrinkled and have swamp mud on them, his eyes have dark circles as violent as bruises, and he’s swaying a tiny bit. In short, he looks like he didn’t sleep for a week, chugged coffee, and fought god in a denny’s parking lot.

Jimmy thinks he’s kinda hot.

No, he doesn’t. Fake news, brain.

“Hi,” Scott says.

“Scott? What- why are you here?” Jimmy’s voice rises, in shock or outrage even he doesn’t know.

“I came to apologize.” Though he looks like he’s going to pass out at any second, Scott’s voice is steady. “I was scared- I am scared. I’m terrified to lose you again. But I shouldn’t have pushed you away and hurt you.”

“No, you shouldn’t have!” Jimmy snaps, but there’s little real rage behind it.

“I know. I- uh- fuck.” Scott’s hands are shaking as he pulls out a little box from some hidden pocket. “I brought a gift as an apology.”

Jimmy takes it, curious despite himself, and finds that what’s inside is a silver bracelet with little crystals embedded in it. Flowers are the predominant design; he recognizes roses, hyacinths, irises, anemone, and poppies. On the underside, there’s elven lettering, though Jimmy has no clue what it says. The whole thing is a little clumsy, not quite as professionally made as the ring Scott once gave him, and Jimmy looks up at Scott. “Did you make this yourself?”

“Mhm. I did my best, but it’s not as nice as I’d like.”

“It’s pretty,” Jimmy says.

Scott’s shoulders slump with relief. “It’s spelled, too. Protection, good fortune, that sort of thing.”

“Do the flowers mean something?”

“They do.”

Jimmy doesn’t press for details.

“I-” Scott starts again, a tremble in his voice that wasn’t there before. “I’m sorry, Jimmy, I really am. I won’t ask you to forgive me, but I needed to apologize before my time ran out.”

“Is it that- that dire?”

The barest nod. “This is what I chose to do with it. Making that, coming here. You deserved an apology.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence, Jimmy staring down at the bracelet.

Scott breaks it. “It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask you to love me. I can’t promise you eternity. I can’t promise you happiness. I can’t promise you that I won’t have to be the elvenking first and a husband second. But I am yours still, if you’ll have me.”

A part of Jimmy is very tempted to throw both Scott’s gift and his love back in his face. He can’t bring himself to stay mad, though, not when Scott’s looking at him like that, with so much raw vulnerability. So much devotion, like Jimmy’s the most precious thing he’s ever seen. It would be so, so easy to break that last strand of fragile hope in his expression; he’s offering up his heart on a silver platter, ready to shatter. Jimmy could- should- yell at him, reject his gift, tell him that he’s ruined any chance he has at Jimmy’s love.

Jimmy kisses him instead. It’s messy and it’s sudden and he very nearly drops Scott’s gift in the swamp in his haste to tangle his hands in Scott’s hair and press their lips together, but it’s real.

The little startled noise Scott makes gets cut off by Jimmy’s mouth on his. Scott’s lips are chapped and taste a little of glowberries, but Jimmy doesn’t care. He’s going to kiss his damn husband, something he thought he was never going to get to do again.

When they finally have to separate, Scott’s breathing hard, cheeks flushed. It’s a good look on him, Jimmy thinks, much more alive than his pale, rigid expression from before.

“So, I’ll take that as you want to stay married?” Scott’s voice is wry, collected, but his blush ruins the smooth effect.

“Of course I do! You absolute idiot!”

“Just checking.”

Jimmy kisses him again, just to shut him up. Scott goes with it easily, leaning into Jimmy’s embrace without complaint.

They pull apart quicker this time, and Jimmy holds the bracelet out. “Can you help me put this on?”

Scott nods. His hands are cold against the skin of Jimmy’s wrist when he fastens the clasp, but Jimmy grabs them and holds them in his own warm ones until they don’t feel quite so much like ice. It’s something. It’s a beginning.

“Come in and catch up with me?” Jimmy offers.

Scott nods again, and he doesn’t let go of Jimmy’s hand when Jimmy turns to go inside.

They talk about a lot of things. Empires, 3rd life, nightmares. Pufferfish, cake, flowers. They talk about the trials and tribulations of ruling; really, Jimmy complains that people keep attacking him and Scott nods in sympathy.

Eventually, though, the sun is starting to set.

“I need to get home,” Scott says. “You need sleep, not to stay up all night talking.” He goes to get up, and Jimmy immediately lunges, catching his sleeve.

“Don’t go! Please,” he adds, feeling his face flush at how desperate he sounds.

“Jimmy, darling, we both need to sleep.”

“We can sleep! I just….nevermind.”

“No, no.” Scott kneels back down, peering at him like Jimmy’s a puzzle that needs solving. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Jimmy.”

“I don’t want to be alone!” Jimmy blurts, and immediately flushes again. “It’s just, I’ve been alone for a long time, and there’s this demon thing that keeps showing up, and I’ve only just got you back, I’m not ready to let you go, and-”

“Hold on. What was that about a demon?”

“There’s this demon creature that I keep seeing, and it’s really messing with me,” he manages. “It sounds like you, sometimes, but all distorted, and I can’t handle it! You know me, I’m not brave or smart or anything, I’m just Jimmy!”

Scott’s frowning, worry wrinkling his brow. “Alright. How about you come to Rivendell for the night, then? I can protect us both easier there.”

Jimmy nods, feeling especially pitiful as Scott helps him to his feet. “Thank you.”

“Always. Do you still have the ring I gave you?”

“I do, I just….give me a moment to remember where I put it.”

“Good. It’s important.” Scott doesn’t elaborate, and Jimmy is too distracted looking for the ring to ask what he means.

Scott’s offer of protection feels flimsier when he has to lean on Jimmy as they travel back to Rivendell, but even then, it’s impossible to feel quite so afraid now that Jimmy isn’t alone anymore. And it’s even harder to fear anything that could happen when he’s safe in a warm bed, his head tucked against his husband’s chest. They’ll be okay, Jimmy thinks. They’ve been given another chance, and this time they’re going to get it right.

[docholligay]

Shamash answers: Other

It was very very hard to get down to five for this one, and thank you! I don’t know if you know this, but the times when I force y’all to say something nice to me or about my writing--I keep them! I keep them and read them back when I feel low, because even if they were said under duress, they must count for something. 

I know that you feel you struggle with being kind, saying the soft kind thing, and you can absolutely be abrasive, but I think you are often much more kind than you give yourself credit for -- you have an openness and generosity with support and care that I have rarely seen and never experienced in person, despite spending my life in communities that claim an abundance of it. -- @incorrecttact

Thank you! I try, is the best I can say for myself. I’m a naturally sandpapery sort of person, but even sandpaper has its uses, and in the words of Bianca Del Rio, “If you ever need help, ask a hateful bitch like me” I am NOT the woman you go to for emotional support, but I like to think I’m the one who will help you throw out your boyfriend’s shit, move, bring you meals, etc. It’s what I’m basically ‘used for’ in my Jewish community. I’m to “do-it” girl! I’m the “Doc, they’re having like 20 people for shiva and they have someone genuinely allergic to dairy can you help?” and oh yeah, I got this, just don’t ask me to feel feelings with you. 

You're!! Truly amazing!!! And I think except for my close friends and darlings are the person that's helped me the most? Like, legitimately, your liveblogs have helped me get a better sense for finding nuance (Akio!!! has depth???? and can be a deeply fucked person alongside being a symbol of the patriarchy?), and your talking about your faith encouraged me to actually think about if I wanted to find faith again (along with the direct book recs, thank you), and your writing has definitely bled into mine a bit oops but also sorry not sorry you make good shit and I'm gonna steal some of that flair, and then of course there's the diet group, and honestly somehow it feels like you helped me tease out a bit of confidence through our interactions even though I couldn't explain *where* that sense is coming from, and and and.... I just! Feel really grateful that I started following you, and appreciate you being unapologetically you, cause you're great and you truly are a role model. -- @katrani

I’m a big believer that the line between villain and victim is intentionally blurred in Utena and that’s part of its genius, so I’m glad I managed to make that happen for you! ONe of my greatest acts in life, I think, is reshaping people’s ideas of Ruka! ANd I need to send you a million emails re: the Big Reform Book of Belief ahahah, I still have your emails! 

Doc, I am always glad that you live your life so unapologetically as yourself, if that makes sense. I am consistently impressed by how well you navigate giving a lot to those around you while still keeping your own boundaries and enjoyment of life. While it's perhaps impossible for anyone to truly be doing "enough" to help others, you're certainly way closer to that goal than most. Thank you for being here and doing what you do. -- @skylineofspace 

Thank you and yes, I don’t think anyone can ever do enough! It’s about climbing the ladder and not resting on it! But I try to give where I can and hold the line where I need to

I love your sense of style and fashion! It’s no secret I love your writing lmao because I think I spam you every time you post original content. Annnd finally, your Jewish got thoughts give me, a complicated Jew, enrichment and reason to contemplate Judaism in my life — so thank you very much for that! -- @its-decido​

You are not the first Jew to have told me that my approach to Judaism has helped them...I suppose the word I’ll use is renegotiate, the role of Judaism in their lives. It’s a huge and high compliment, especially for someone who did not receive a lot of formal Jewish education, and had to find her own way for much of her life. I love being Jewish, I love what I think Judaism demands of me, I love the heavy discussions and the way I have to wrangle with my choices. And I intensely love the idea of showing other Jews that engaging deeply with Judaism isn’t a fucking Chabadnik thing, that you can approach mitzvot and ethics and prayer and take these things for yourself. I am DEEPLY a Reform Jew, even though my PRACTICE is quite a bit closer to what’s called Conservative Judaism in the US, and I think that’s part of what I’d like to...change, maybe, within the Reform movement, or at least Reform Jews I know, is this idea that having an open-handed approach to Jewish practice means that you yourself can’t, or shouldn’t, take on some of the more traditional practices. Me and my old rabbi were very much of one thought in this, a deeply Reform man who wore a kippah and tzitzit every day. Every mizvot you pick up is a good thing, and this all or nothing approach isn’t, I don’t think, helpful. ANYHOW many words to say, yes, if you ever want to continue to talk about Judaism and your own practice, you know where I live. 

Your writing....just...wow! It's really amazing and has given me a different (and more fun) viewpoint on Haruka and Michiru. Minako has even further cemented herself as my favorite Senshi because of the amazing things you've come up with for her character. Slowly I've been trying to get into writing again (writer's block, lack of motivation and inspiration) and honestly reading some of the things you've written has gotten me back into it. I keep needing to remind myself 'The source material isn't something you need to strictly adhere to.' Keep being amazing Doc~! -- LadyFlare

I’m so glad! ANd yes, when companies own your myths, I think we need to have the right, or maybe even the responsibility, to be “My city now” We tell stories to connect with each other, and anyone who says fanfic can’t also be about like...universal human truths, and ideas, is full of it. If I worried about canon, being into SM and OW, I’d be fucked, because often CANON IN THOSE WORLDS CONTRADICTS ITSELF. And honestly? The characterization in those worlds is inconsistent. I think being true to your own universe is far more important--My Michiru always behaves like my Michiru, which is sometimes like the anime Michiru, and sometimes like myu Michiru, but sometimes not, because the charaterization is all over place. My Tracer is much more the Tracer from early days OW, but it doesn’t matter, because she is consistent to MY tracer. You’re allowed to look at canon and go, ‘That’s just like, your opinion, man.” 

[marvel-mistress-padawan]

The Man In The Green Tie (NSFW)

Sometimes Emma hated these formal dinner parties and other times she quite enjoyed them. Tonight was one of those nights that she felt a little of both emotions. She was dressed in her signature white and wore a diamond pendant on a gold chain just in the right place to display her cleavage. It was working. Half the men in the room had noticed her. Of course they noticed all the other beautiful women in the room too. Men were fickle like that. Some of them even went after the plain looking and ugly women, believing they had a better chance with them. Emma didn’t care for hearing all their thoughts of conquest tonight, only the ones concerning her.

Frost International was her Company and this dinner with partners, investors, and associates, was important for future relations. She had met almost everyone here in previous dealings. Everyone except one man. He had longish black hair and wore a black suit with a green tie. He sat at a table with Justin Hammer and some journalist whose name Emma couldn’t remember. All she knew was that the man in green tie was one of the most fascinating men she had ever had the pleasure of ming reading. He wasn’t paying much attention to the women in the room. He noticed them of course, but only briefly. He wasn’t thinking about money or power, in spite of being associated with Justin Hammer and attending her dinner in the first place. No, his thoughts were thoughts of amusement at being able to deceive Justin Hammer so thoroughly. He had only one weapon to sell. There were none in production, no test models or protypes, just the one, and Hammer was willing to pay a signifigant amount for a supply that did not exist.

Emma got down from her place at the bar and approached Hammer’s table, making sure that her slinky white dress still clung to her in all the right places.

“Miss Frost?” Justin looked up as she stopped at his table. “It’s a pleasure to see you here tonight.”

“Mind if I join you?” Emma didn’t wait for his reply. Justin wanted her to go away and not ruin his business deal. She wasn’t going anywhere. She pulled up a chair. “Those barstools do a number on a girl’s ass,” she said, waiting to see if either of them would look. “Your little table over here looked so much more comfortable. I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure. I’m Emma,” she offered her hand to the stranger in the green tie.

To Emma surprise, the stranger did not take the opportunity to look at her backside. In fact he mentally told himself not to. Instead he took her hand and he kissed it like a true gentleman. What shocked her even more was that she actually felt something in response to his polite manners.

“My name is Lucas Olsen,” he told her with such sincerity that had she not been a telepath she might have believed it was true. Lucas wasn’t his name. He was thinking about his name. It was Loki. He was not human. “This is a lovely party you’ve created here,” he told her.

Most men would have made a point to say something about Emma herself being lovely as well. Loki didn’t. He didn’t even think it. Emma couldn’t figure out why that irked her so much. It wasn’t that he didn’t think her pretty. He was as distracted by the placement of her diamond necklace as Hammer was. He wasn’t lacking in confidence like some of the men in the room and yet he did not pursue her. Why?

“I appreciate the sentiment but I wouldn’t call it lovely. It’s an unfortunate necessity of this business. I can think of a lot of things more fun to do on a night like this,” Emma told them, her gaze entirely on Loki.

“One ought not mix business and pleasure,” Loki said with a hint of a smile. He had understood her insinuation and was more interested in playing hard to get than in chasing after her.

“W-what things?” Hammer spoke up. “What fun things would you do?”

It was in that moment that Loki thought Hammer to be a sad pathetic little man who wouldn’t know how to win a woman if she were handed to him. The journalist who sat with them, and whom Emma had neglected to greet, got up uncomfortably and left. Emma wished that Hammer would do the same.

“You’re an inventor Hammer. I’m sure you could think of something,” Emma barely disguised her annoyance.

“Well, I’m usually too busy to do much of anything fun. That’s part of being a hard working, stable...single...American,” he said, trailing off and failing to deliver his intended confidence.

“Plenty of hard working Americans know how to have fun. Maybe you’re just a buzzkill,” she told him. It wasn’t nice but she wasn’t known for being nice. “Maybe you’d like to get me a drink?”

Insulted, Hammer got up and left. He didn’t come back.

“I would say that was a little harsh but…” Loki began.

“But you don’t like him any more than I do,” Emma knew it to be the truth.

“I may not like him but he is still useful,” Loki said with a shrug.

“You know what else is useful?” Emma crossed her legs beneath the table and allowed the foot of her open toed shoe to touch his leg. “A little rest and relaxation, don’t you think?”

Loki did not respond to her touch as she expected. Oh he was interested but there was something of amusement in his response. Maybe it was because he was alien. Maybe his people couldn’t be expected to respond like humans.

“I suppose we could all do with a diversion here and there,” he agreed.

It was then that his thoughts became clear. He knew. He knew she was a telepath. He knew she was toying with him, and he was toying with her just as much in return.

“How did you…?” Emma began. This had never happened to her before. She had always been the one in power over men. Her beauty and her ability to read minds, her education as a sex therapist had given her a distinct advantage. And now this gorgeous man was playing her?

Loki smiled. “I have certain abilities. I may not be able to read a person’s thoughts from moment to moment but I can see their memories if I touch them. You gave me your hand and from there I knew the truth of it.”

“Then why didn’t I realize that until now? How are you able to block out at least some of my telepathic abilities?”

“Magic,” he said simply.

“So you can read memories, and do magic? Anything else?”

“It’s a rather long list,” he said demurely.

“Fuck,” she muttered. This was all falling apart now. It had been six months since she’d taken a man to bed. Most of them had been too stupid and self centered to bother with. After six months she was starting to get desperate but not so desperate that anyone would do. She had thought when she came to Hammer’s table to meet his friend that her chance had finally come. Apparently she’d be spending another night alone.

Loki raised an eyebrow at her word. “I wouldn’t say no to that.”

For the first time in years, Emma found herself blushing over something a man had said to her.

“Should I take your blushing as a yes?” he asked her.

Emma felt entirely out of place in this scenario. Never in her life had she been deposed of her power like this. And yet she couldn’t say that she hated it. Not at all. “Yes,” she said, all her hesitation ended. “How about a dance first?”

Loki led her out onto the dance floor and he turned out to be an expert dancer. He pulled her rather close to himself and took in a breath. She had never danced with anyone without knowing his every thought and desire. Some of Loki’s thoughts broke through but they were vague and even unclear. She had never felt so powerless, never so anxious, and certainly never so intensely turned on.

When the song hand ended Emma went to the bar and downed a drink. She wanted this, but it was so weird that she definitely needed a drink. Loki followed her and watched her with concern.

“If you’re not ready, there’s no need to rush,” he told her.

Emma spun on her heel to face him. He was being polite. He was truly concerned that he might be pushing too much too quickly and was too well mannered to do that to any woman, despite his desires. Emma dropped the glass in her hand and it shattered at her feet. Such kindness was rare in the men she had met. This one was dangerous. She had picked up that much from his thoughts, but he had standards. He would not harm a lady. She wasn’t accustomed to being thought of as anything other than an object to be lusted after and yet this man would never treat her as such.

“No, I am ready,” she said, stepping over the glass to return to him on the dancefloor.

The second dance was slower this time and both of his hands rested on her backside. She wrapped one arm around his neck and pressed close enough that she could feel his hardness against her center. The entire dance was not appropriate for a business dinner but she lacked the ability to care. It had been so long and he was more enticing than any dance partner she had ever stood across from. He leaned close enough that his breath was warm against her neck and Emma felt wetness between her legs.

The song came to an end all to quick and the sound of tinkling glass broke apart the few couples dancing. Charles Blake her CFO was making an announcement. She had forgotten that she had requested for Charles to do this speech. It was going to take a good twenty minutes followed by a formal dinner being served.

“I can’t leave, probably not for hours,” Emma said, frustrated. “I did set this up after all.”

“There’s no need to leave,” Loki told her. “I can give you exactly what you want, right here.”

“I’m not sure I can be that discreet,” she said, an eyebrow raised. “Not in this dress.”

“Who cares about the dress?” Loki said. “You’re a telepath. I have magic. I’m sure we can work something out.”

Her jaw dropped open. “You mean…?”

He nodded. “You sit at your table and I’ll sit at mine. No one will be the wiser.”

Emma went back to her seat at the bar and Loki back to his table where Hammer had been. She was barely seated when the thoughts began to hit her. Not just thoughts but images and sensations, very real sensations. This was going to be more complicated than she had thought.

It seemed as if Emma were no longer in the banquet room at all but instead in a bedroom with large open windows to a view of a world she had never seen. Loki’s homeworld. It was so real that she could smell a far off ocean breeze as well as the same scent she had smelled on his collar when she danced with him. He took her hand and pulled her to the bed, unzipping the back of her dress and letting it drop to the floor. Then he was kissing her. It felt so entirely real that Emma worried she wasn’t remaining still in the real world.

Emma worked on pulling off his clothes while he kissed her starting with the green necktie. His hands were on her breasts, his tongue in her mouth and Emma had every intention of pushing him over and climbing astride him. He gently pushed her back and crawled atop of her, resting his weight on his elbows and continuing to kiss her. She lifted her hips to encourage him to continue. She had waited so long for this that she didn’t need further preparation. She was already so wet, so needy, that she didn’t want to wait a moment longer. He pushed his way inside her and she let out a moan. He went still.

“Oh god don’t stop!” she told him, desperate for friction.

Loki grinned a little at her plea but he heeded her words and started moving again. He moved in and out of her slowly at first and Emma sought his mouth for more kisses. He gave them to her and then he moved to kiss down her jawline and her neck and beneath her earlobe. His pace increased and she lifted her hips a little higher to find her center of pleasure.

“Harder?” she asked of him and he gladly obliged, plunging into her deeper and harder than before.

Emma could not stop the moans that came from her and they were only increased by hearing his grunts of pleasure. Then the moment came when she could finally let go of the building tension. Her body pulsated in relief.

Emma came to herself and found she was still in the banquet room. Charles was still going on and on about financial matters and no one in the room was aware of what had just transpired in her mind. She had apparently kept still and silent. The stool beneath her was a little wet where she sat. Her eyes met Loki’s across the room and he grinned knowingly. Emma suddenly felt warm and she reached for a folded paper dinner program to fan herself with. Loki smiled more broadly at her flush face and she wanted to slap him as much as she wanted to laugh.

Once Charles had finished his little speech, Loki crossed the room and sat next to her at the bar.

“I can’t actually stay long tonight. Now that I’m done with Hammer, I’ll be leaving. I know where to find you though. My mind can reach across great distances, if that’s something you wanted anyway?” he asked her.

Emma bit her lip, intrigued by his offer. A telepathic lover? “I don’t want to wait six months until the next encounter..”

“Believe me, you won’t,” he told her.

“And you’re going to send me telepathic flowers and chocolate?” she teased.

“I don’t think I’ll have to,” he leaned into her space and placed a kiss, not on her lips but on her forehead. “Goodnight Emma Frost, until we meet again.”

“Until we meet again,” she told him as she watched him go, shaking her head at herself. Somehow, his green necktie was still in her hand.

[cybernaght]

Guardian rewatch: Episode 9

This episode starts with Zhao Yunlan being a bloody good boss. I’ll talk about how the opinions of others must have affected this man’s perception of himself a little later on, but in this scene it is important to note that Zhao Yunlan is supportive, caring and loyal. Wang Zheng comes to him in tears, asking for permission to leave and see the home she had just remembered, and he not only supports her verbally, but drags his entire team on the trip with her the very next day. Sure, he has are ulterior motives, as he strongly suspects one of the Hallows must be around the same area, but I maintain that Zhao Yunlan would have insisted on going with Wang Zheng regardless.

There are complications to this trip; namely, Wang Zheng is a ghost energy being and can neither be in sunlight, nor leave the SID really. Thus, the plan to take her on the trip includes buying a doll. The implication is that Wang Zheng can be somehow placed inside it, and thus be able to move, but the details of how this is done are actually curiously hazy. I’m not sure if censorship is the reason for muddled writing, but there really is very little explanation for the ghost in a doll situation.

Guo Changcheng is tasked with securing a makeshift body for Wang Zheng, and the boy, eager to act fast, and without much to work with in terms of instructions, ends up buying this.

We can only thank the Universe for the role of Wang Zheng not being played by a blow-up doll for three episodes straight.

Zhao Yunlan instantly realises that being places inside this thing might be a little bit upsetting for his subordinate, and lashes out at Guo Changcheng with an excellent “Is the thing above your neck a urinal?” This snaps Zhu Hong out of her mirth, too; she rushes to her friend’s side to offer emotional support, and will remain there for the entire episode.

I love this blocking, in which Zhu Hong is the only one who feels comfortable approaching Wang Zheng in a situation where she is seemingly being mocked by her male colleagues, as Zhao Yunlan and Guo Changcheng look on, unable to offer a meaningful apology.

The evening prior to this Shen Wei is musing over ancient map of the region. His costume is arranged deliberately so you can see the Pendant of Pining hanging around his neck.

I am really wondering when this was shot, because it looks very out of place. The costume differs from Shen Wei’s usual attire, including chinos and an uncharacteristically ill fitting shirt. His hair looks so wrong I am wondering if this is styling, or a different haircut entirely. And, since we’re on this train of thought, his eye colour is so off I genuinely spent quite a bit of time examining the shots in order to figure out whether he’s wearing contacts. I don’t think he is, by the way, but the colour grading makes his warm syrupy-brown irises look almost olive green.

During the scene it is revealed Shen Wei’s only worry in regards to leaving the city and rushing into what could be trouble is a possibility of Zhao Yunlan encountering danger in his absence. It is easy to see that Shen Wei here firmly associates his own worth with his work as Hei Pao Shi, and his own needs with Yunlan being safe and sound. You could trace this thought process back to the mountainside conversation ten thousand years ago, and to years of loneliness and isolation that followed. While, frankly, equating self-worth with comfort of other it’s not necessarily so unusual, and neither is equating it with one’s work, Shen Wei’s disregard for his own life is still horribly upsetting.

The morning after, Zhao Yunlan with his team and Shen Wei with his students move out of Dragon City. Destination - North-west. I have to ask though, why is Shen Wei taking his students with him? I get that it’s a cover but also: he can totally just teleport where he needs to and do his stuff as Envoy, can he not? It’s fast, efficient, and can all be done during the night without arousing any suspicious.

As it happens, Shen Wei goes by car, which breaks, and causes him to instantly cross paths with Zhao Yunlan. What I like about this meeting is that we see it from an outsider perspective, as we drive into the scene with Lin Jing, Chu Shuzhi and Guo Changcheng.

“Is that Professor Shen? This must be their destiny. They keep meeting each other wherever they go.”

Zhao Yunlan confesses that he feels like Shen Wei bugged him and pops up everywhere he goes; Shen Wei counters by saying that in this case Zhao Yunlan who followed him. Zhao Yunlan can just laugh awkwardly. It’s kind of adorable how the two men just basically admit that they’re stalking each other, and are both kind of okay with that. Shen Wei then introduces the other man to his students as his good friend.

Zhao Yunlan, having already figured out that he is not likely to get any answers from Shem Wei, goes on a charm offensive with his students. I think this is the first time Shen Wei sees Zhao Yunlan using his jovial manipulation on others, and he is not particularly happy about what he is witnessing. Below are the series of facial expressions he wears every time it happens throughout the episode.

The way I read it, this could equally be jealousy, or the daunting - and incorrect - realisation that Zhao Yunlan is being like this with everything that moves. He could be even beating himself up for falling for this man’s charm now that he sees that Zhao Yunlan using the same wide smile as a tool to placate, gain trust and access information. In his mind, this is a further confirmation that he is not in any way special in Zhao Yunlan’s eyes. Again, Shen Wei’s supposition cannot be further from the truth. But you could imagine how he may have come to make to this conclusion.

In this particular case, Zhao Yunlan uses his charm to get some information out of Jiajia, and ends up hearing the direction of their expedition.

Shen Wei nervously adjusts glasses in the shot which is not even his close-up. It’s lovely, seeing how good of an actor Zhu Yilong is. Good actors don’t need to be directed to to most of the little things their characters would do, and don’t have to be told what their character quirks are.

Shen Wei very politely shuts Jiajia up when she starts talking about the earthquake, asking her to get out of the sun, despite this not being a hot day.

“Chief Zhao, you are really good at making people talk.”

As he is making this observation, he is offering Zhao Yunlan his water, because the man mentioned that he may be thirsty, and hydration is important. Should I once again be obsessing over how their fingers are touching here? Perhaps not. I am, once more, doing it anyway.

During the conversation that ensues here, Shen Wei reminds Zhao Yunlan that he was asked not to leave the city, and makes one more attempt at forcing them to part ways after the car fixing is done. Chief Zhao is having none of it. He reminds Shen Wei that no promises were given, and suggests they work together and protect each other instead. It’s interesting how their end goal is similar: they want to keep each other out of harm’s way. But for Zhao Yunlan, who works with a team, this implies sticking together. For Shen Wei, who has been alone for what could have been centuries (we are never given a timeline for when his magical coma ended), this implies being as far away from each other as possible. Many things about their relationship will change - but this one will never do.

Zhao Yunlan proceeds to charm his way into driving Shen Wei’s car. He is after all very good with people, and he’s not afraid to use this skill to keep himself near the Professor.

Next, we have intercut scenes depicting conversations in two separate cars.

Lin Jing is driving Zhu Hong, Guo Changcheng and Wang Zheng in the jeep. There, Guo Changcheng tries his darnedest to offer exceedingly moody Wang Zheng apologies and consolation, but his weak attempts to very little to lighten the young woman’s dark disposition. In the meanwhile, Zhu Hong is seething with resentment and jealousy. She notes discontentedly that Zhao Yunlan once again chose to go and spend time with Shen Wei, hypothesises on why Shen Wei is unmarried, and then goes into a long-winded rant about Zhao Yunlan being an uncaring person. Lin Jing reluctantly participates in this conversation, but he does not look very much like he cares for it.

I have mentioned in my previous recap that those around Zhao Yunlan comment on his crassness, and now I am wondering how much this creates a vicious circle for the man in question. He may have heard - from his father, from his previous romantic partners, from his colleagues - that he is a failure, a boorish, unloving and superficial man who only does things to chase clout and carnal pleasures. It is difficult to not internalise that, and Zhao Yunlan may have just grown to see this as an unshakeable truth about himself.

As for Zhu Hong’s part in this, it is easy to call someone not responding to your advances an uncaring jerk. It does not, however, necessarily make them one.

Curiously enough, the only person speaking up in defence of Zhao Yunlan here is Guo Changcheng. He notes that he considers Chief Zhao to be a nice person; despite only being with SID for a month, he is able to see good intensions behind the bristles. No doubt, this is another case of Xiao Guo being incredibly empathic.

In the other car, Zhao Yunlan is driving Shen Wei and his students. Here, we see the chief continue to crack jokes and use his bountiful charisma to find out more about their expedition. Presumably, this has been going for a while, and Shen Wei’s patience finally runs thin when Zhao Yunlan states that their research must be very important. “Thank you for the compliment”, states Shen Wei flatly, according to subtitles.

According to my dictionary however, what he actually says is, roughly, “Chef Zhao overpraised [us]” (“赵处长过奖了”), which even with my very basic comprehension of Mandarin, I can see as overly formal and clearly dismissive.

Zhao Yunlan seems to be taken aback, and a few seconds pass before he composes his features into one of the chuckles he uses as a mask: it is loud and wide, but does not quite reach his eyes, sliding off his face almost instantly. In the passenger seat, Shen Wei is slowly and deliberately readjusting his own mask.

We cut to Zhu Jiu trying to secure assistance of a whole bunch of Youchu he drags out of the cave. It goes even worse than his other plans do, with the beasts grumbling and effectively refusing to do any work whatsoever.

Zhu Jiu’s ineffectiveness is actually pretty sweet on rewatch, and I am starting to kind of appreciate Wan Naichao in this role. It’s not that I find his performance particularly good, but between the costume, the wig and the script, he does not have an awful lot to work with, and he nonetheless appears to have so much fun hamming it up to his heart’s content. He is not intimidating by any stretch of imagination, but he is surprisingly, albeit ironically, watchable. And, honestly, I would rather watch an actor being hammy and enjoying it than visibly longing for death on set.

After passing a checkpoint through a combination of Zhao Yunlan’s connections and ever-present charm, the now joint SID/DCU expedition shuffles around in cars once again. Despite their destination being allegedly twenty kilometres (or about 12.5 miles) out of town, it takes them a whole day to reach it. Who knows, maybe the Seastar’s measuring units are different.

This time, it is Lin Jing driving, with Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan having relocated to the back. We see that Zhao Yunlan has got a cold again - which could theoretically be from being so close to the hallows. He sneezes, and Shen Wei microexpressively overreacts.

Then, Zhao Yunlan unceremoniously arranges a pillow on Shen Wei’s shoulder and settles in for a nap. Does he remember napping on Shen Wei’s shoulder a few nights prior to that? Because he might do, considering how comfortable he feels with this casual close contact.

After a momentary panic, and a comment about flu meds, Shen Wei not only lets Zhao Yunlan do it, but also rearranges his pillow several times to make it more comfortable for the other man. I have no hot takes on this apart from just... those two. I love those two. How are they so adorable.

The car enters CGI fog, and promptly get stuck. To make matters worse, Lin Jing says he does not have a phone signal and asks Shen Wei to check his phone. “He does not have a mobile phone”, deadpans Zhao Yunlan before Shen Wei even opens his mouth.

Finally, Zhao Yunlan’s head vacates Shen Wei’s shoulder, and the professor leaves the car to scout the area. Jiajia tries to follow, but Zhao Yunlan dissuades her and goes after Shen Wei himself, catching up just as the other man is starting to scry the surroundings with his powers.

Zhao Yunlan enters the scene quoting poetry to highlight the beauty of their current location.

Shen Wei instantly tries to send him back: partly to continue using his dark energy, and partly, perhaps, out of genuine worry. In response Zhao Yunlan notes that Shen Wei is the only one who can order him around. This is not all done in cheek: it’s actually kind of true. Even before finding out that Shen Wei is powerful and ancient, and imposing, Zhao Yunlan is readily listening to him, and following his lead.

As a precursor to returning to the car, Zhao Yunlan takes his jacket off and drapes it over Shen Wei’s shoulders, despite the other man’s loud protestations. Again, Yunlan has got a cold, and he is visibly filling the chill air later in the scene. He has no way of knowing that this jacket will become a catalyst for his suspicions about Shen Wei’s alter ego, so there can’t be any other reason for him forcing his jacket onto the other man apart from a desire to make sure he is warm and comfortable.

Shen Wei stares at Zhao Yunlan in absolute wonder.

It is easy to believe that the idea of someone wanting to look after him is foreign no Shen Wei: we know from the text of the show that before Kunlun no one has shown him any consideration, and seeing Shen Wei now, it is not difficult to imagine, heartbreaking as it is, that no one has done it since.

Jiajia’s scream cuts through the air, interrupting the scene. As the two men take off in the direction of the sound, Shen Wei grabs Zhao Yunlan by the elbow as they run out of the shot.

When they rejoin Jiajia and Lin Jing, she girl stammers a few words about ghostly presence that she witnessed, and Lin Jing confirms her words, sharing his knowledge about ghosts seen in this area. Zhao Yunlan reprimands him for speeding feudalistic and superstitious concepts. Just remember that their HR manager literally is a semi-corporeal dead woman. This line is such a blatant and somewhat tongue-in-cheek appeasal of the censorship, that it sounds delightfully silly.

The group finally reach the remote village they were heading to. As everyone files out of the cars, they notice a strange looking crow nearby - clearly Ya Qing is checking in on them. Lin Jing proceeds to tease Xiao Guo, saying the young man in unlucky. Chu Shuzhi is looking disapprovingly at this comment, but it’s actually Zhu Hong who shuts it down. She does use this excuse to make an impolite jab at Shen Wei, noting that the misfortunes are someone else’s fault, while looking at her romantic rival from the corner of her eye.

Shen Wei graces the screen with another one of his “why does the snake woman hate me?” faces. 

It’s quite amusing that as the group starts walking towards the guesthouse, Zhao Yunlan sends his people off while he himself deliberately lingers in place, so he can walk with Shen Wei, sneaking a hand across the professor’s back. 

Just as the company enters the premises of the guesthouse, they find a human skull. Of course they do. But the reason I am including this here is to point out that Shen Wei’s reaction is to cover Jiajia’s eyes. Zhu Yilong does not do it in all of the takes used in the scene, which indicates to me that this is an in the moment acting choice. 

Shen Wei then leads his students away to give the SID a chance to investigate. While Lin Jing and Zhao Yunlan do just that, Wang Zheng sinks to her knees and starts praying to comfort spirits of her ancestors. Hilariously, this goes unnoticed for a while.

After completing some preliminary checks on the skull, Zhao Yunlan suggests they park the investigation for the night, citing that he does not want students and their teacher to get ill as the reason for doing so. Da Qing notes that this is more considerations than he shows his subordinates. I don’t think he means it, but it’s a lovely little jab at Zhao Yunlan’s unmistakable crush.

Inside the house, everyone settles in to hear Wang Zheng’s tale of the Hanga tribe. What follows is an massive exposition dump. She sets up as “some things she heard from rumours”, but considering how forlorn she is throughout this tale - and that she was praying earlier - it is pretty obvious that she is of the Hanga tribe herself.

Again, I love the blocking here. Zhu Hong is keeping her shoulder in front of Wang Zheng, protecting her from the strangers (and Shen Wei) that they are sharing the table with. Zhao Yunlan and Da Qing are watching from afar, and Chu Shizhu is perching above them on the stairs. The composition is easy on the eye, and implies that the SID men are ready to protect those at the table from all directions.

Soon, they are interrupted by a villager pretending to be a ghost, and a reluctant village head explains that the outsides may not be welcomed because there has been a murder here in the recent days. Zhao Yunlan and Zhu Hong leave to investigate the crime scene. As they do so, Zhao Yunlan catches the woman gazing upon him in adoration, and freezes uncomfortably, for a second before laughing it off.

He should really force himself to have an uncomfortable conversation with her, but he won’t do it until pushed.

In the meanwhile, Zhu Jiu is having more luck riling the actual ghosts up than he did with the Youchu. After some hesitation - and some baseless threats from our unfortunate villain - the Hanga tribesmen launch an attack against the guesthouse.

Just to note: their masks don’t look anything like the masks Wang Zheng drew. Considering that the guesthouse parts of the episode was likely to have been shot together, I don’t see any explanation for this as it pertains to production.

Chu Shuzhi and Xiao Guo leap into action to fight the ghosts - and the young man actually successfully fends one of them off. They are soon joined by Lin Jing, who leaves Shen Wei in charge of looking after the students and Wang Zheng inside the house. The ghost woman energy being asks to be let outside because she guesses correctly that the ghostly warriors are here for her, but Shen Wei refuses to let her go. The reason he states for denying her is that “Zhao Yunlan would never agree to it.” He knows that the other man would never put his crew in danger - and adopts the same attitude.

Shortly after, Zhu Hong and Zhao Yunlan arrive on the scene.

Here we see for the first time Zhao Yunlan’s painful flashback to his mother’s death, followed by him freezing with the gun in his hand. Zhu Hong does save the way by snatching the weapon away from him and firing it, but she also goes on full offensive afterwards, berating the man. Hers is not a kind response at all, and this type of a reaction is likely to be the reason Zhao Yunlan has not felt comfortable talking about his tragic past, perhaps even seeing it as something to be ashamed of.

After the ghosts disappear, Zhao Yunlan stays outside with his team, and uses the Dial in attempt to locate the other ancient item which he knows is somewhere close.

Shen Wei, on the other hand, tells Wang Zheng about the totem hidden in a cave, and asks her for any information on the matter.

His interrogation does not get him anywhere, but he does get suspicious enough to refrain him from drinking the drugged water she offers everyone present in the very next scene.

It is clear from this shot that after toasting with warm water, everyone goes to down their cups - apart from Wang Zheng and Shen Wei, who lock eyes over their cups for the second.

Having escaped her protectors in the night, Wang Zheng heard towards the cave in which Sang Zan’s spirit is kept, Zhu Jiu hot on her heals, and we witness the first of many flashbacks to her life and death.

Next up, Episode 10: Death By a Thousand Flashbacks.

—

Notes.

The next post here will actually be some thoughts on the Lost Tomb Reboot which I have spent this Easter Weekend binging. And if this post is more Zhu Yilong-centric than usual, this would also be why.

[complexgods-backup]

Isn’t It Cliché? Chapter 1

Ship: DaiSuga (Haikyuu!!)

Summary: “Suga almost dropped the pen he was holding as he saw what was probably the most handsome man he has ever seen enter the Starbucks. He looked extremely tired, and Suga wondered if he was hungover. He had short brown hair and gorgeous brown eyes, and Suga couldn’t help but notice his biceps straining the fabric of his shirt as he took off his coat. Quickly pushing away any impure thoughts, Suga put on his best employee smile as he took his order.”

Sugawara Koushi moves to Tokyo with a broken heart and a desire to start over and falls for a handsome stranger that frequents the coffee shop he works at. Unfortunately, it’s harder for Suga to get him to open up than he thought. It’s all pretty cliché.

Word Count: 2418 

Beta-read by: @mesreves

Warnings: None

A/N: This fic has become somewhat of a passion project of mine, I hope you enjoy it! I already posted 5 chapters on ao3, so feel free to read the rest (and all the tags) on there! I will try and post the chapters as regularly as uni will let me! The fic is under the cut :) 

“Fuck, I’m already late,” Sugawara groaned as he finally awoke with his third alarm. It was his first day at his new job and he really needed the money, so being late was not an option and it was already 7:32 am. He dressed in a hurry, popping some toast into the toaster as he gathered all his things. He ran outside his apartment with one shoe still untied, his coat barely over his shoulders, and the piece of toast in his mouth. I can’t get any more cliché , Sugawara thought to himself as he ran down the stairs to run to the subway. Thankfully, there was a subway stop right by his apartment building and he lived only a few stops away from the Starbucks he got hired at.

As he stepped outside, the crisp autumn air hit his face and he instantly lifted his head to smell the fresh air. Autumn was his favourite season, mainly because the world turned golden brown for a few weeks and the sunsets were phenomenal. He couldn’t wait to explore the new city he moved to and watch the sunset from all around the city. He pushed the thought aside as he swallowed the last piece of toast and walked into the station, focussed on finding the right platform. He constantly checked his phone to see which stop he needed to get out at, still unsure about his orientation skills in Tokyo. Even though he visited the city multiple times as a kid, he knew that getting lost was inevitable. He watched the sun rise higher over the city as the subway continued on its journey, cramped full of people going to their 9 to 5. When his stop came up, he pushed himself out of the cart, cursing himself that he was so far back. He hated inconveniencing people.

Despite all the hassle, he managed to be in front of the Starbucks ten minutes early, signaling to his coworker already inside that he was there. Once the manager gave him his apron, she left Sugawara’s coworker to show him the ropes. Although he had already been employed at a Starbucks before, it was protocol to explain how everything worked, so he listened diligently to his coworker, who was called Yamaguchi Tadashi.

“It’s the busiest right before 9 am and after 4 pm, so you’ll be with at least two other people then. Our other colleague will be here any minute, but you’ll only take orders and work at the cash register today. That sound good?” Suga nodded, impressed at how the other took charge. When he first met him after his interview, he seemed so shy and insecure, but he was clearly in his element. Despite Sugawara being two years Yamaguchi’s elder, he did not dare speak informally to him yet, quite frankly intimidated by his authority. As soon as Yamaguchi seemed pleased with Sugawara’s work, a gorgeous woman, no older than Sugawara, walked in, and he couldn’t help but blush a little bit as she turned to him and wished him a good morning.

“I’m Kiyoko Shimizu, I’m the shift manager and I’ll be working the orders with Tadashi today, it’s nice to meet you.” She gave a shy smile and he nodded at her.

“Nice to meet you, Kiyoko-san! I’m Sugawara Koushi, but you can call me Suga.” He flashed her a smile to emphasize how happy he was to meet her.

“Oh no need for the honorifics, we’re all the same age group and I’m not a big fan of formalities. Just call me Kiyoko!” Suga smiled and nodded as she walked to the back of the store to put down her things and get her apron.

Yamaguchi didn’t lie when he said that most people come through before 9 am, as the shop got extremely busy within minutes. Most of the time, the orders were pretty simple and Suga’s endless patience seemed to serve him well. He didn’t mind taking up orders, knowing that making all those complicated drinks were oftentimes less fun to make, especially if it was busy. But Yamaguchi and Kiyoko seemed to know each other extremely well, making their work ethic impeccable.

Suga didn’t even notice how fast the time went by, and when he next looked at the clock that adorned the wall opposite the till he saw it was already 10h30am. The shop was quieter now that most people got their morning coffee before work, and the three could have short conversations between customers.

“So what do you study?” Kiyoko asked, biting down on a cinnamon roll a customer decided they didn’t want after Yamaguchi had already warmed it up.

“I’m in my second year of Japanese Studies and Elementary Education. I transferred here this year because my old uni was not a good fit for me. What about you?” He asked his peers, who in turn said what they studied. Yamaguchi was an engineering major and Kiyoko was in her last Bachelor's year of studying History of Art. They were interrupted as a customer opened the door. Suga almost dropped the pen he was holding as he saw what was probably the most handsome man he has ever seen enter the Starbucks. He looked extremely tired, and Suga wondered if he was hungover. He had short brown hair and gorgeous brown eyes, and Suga couldn’t help but notice his biceps straining the fabric of his shirt as he took off his coat. Quickly pushing away any impure thoughts, Suga put on his best employee smile as he took his order. He tried his best to hide the blush that slowly crept over his cheeks as he heard how gruff the man’s voice sounded.

“I’ll have a caramel frappuccino with three extra pumps of caramel syrup and an extra shot of espresso.” The man said, which surprised Suga for some reason. He didn’t expect the man to have such a sweet drink but he refused to let the shock show on his face as he asked for the customer’s name to write on the cup.

“Sawamura.” He gruffed, barely looking up at the barista. Suga figured he was too hungover and/or tired so he didn’t think much of it as he wrote his name on the cup with a little smiley face next to it, handing Kiyoko the cup. When his order was done, he sat down where he put his coat and immediately plugged his headphones into his phone, and started typing on his laptop.

“He most definitely forgot an assignment he was supposed to write during break.” Yamaguchi giggled as they all secretly watched the man type furiously.

“Do you know who he is?” Suga asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. The other two just shrugged.

“No. He comes here a few times a month and orders ridiculously sweet drinks. He usually stays a few hours.” Kiyoko answered, seeming uninterested. Suga nodded and decided to drop the matter. Soon there were more people coming in and out of the café and Suga was too busy to pay him any more mind. He met one other of his coworkers as Yamaguchi’s shift ended earlier. He was small and energetic, and Suga found out that he studied sports. Makes sense, Suga thought to himself as he smiled at how much energy Hinata seemed to have.

After his shift finally ended, Suga was glad to get back to his small apartment. It wasn’t anything big or fancy, but it was enough for him. There were some unpacked boxes still in one corner of the apartment that he had neglected the entire week in favour of exploring the city. He wasn’t big on decorating except for a string of fairy lights and a big houseplant his best friend gave him when he moved away.

The one thing he was thankful for in his small apartment was his bathtub. Even though it wasn’t exactly the biggest bathtub he had ever seen, he was very fond of it. It was the perfect size for him, even though he had to bend his knees to comfortably have his shoulders underwater. He loved taking hot baths after a long day, letting the hot water ease the aches and pains of the day, getting lost in his thoughts with nothing but two candles illuminating his small bathroom. Today was no different. As he sank into the mixture of bubbles and warm water, he let his mind wander, phone on silent. He mentally planned out the next week because that was when his classes would officially be starting. He made a mental note of all the things he still needed to do before bed as he closed his eyes, letting the warmth of the bath engulf him. Subconsciously, his mind wandered back to that man from the Starbucks this morning. What was his name again? Sam… Something. No, Sawamura, that was it. He couldn’t help but remember how handsome he looked, even though he seemed to be having the hangover of his life. Suga wondered what he would look like with a good night’s rest and maybe if he wasn’t that grumpy or stressed out. Sighing, he tried to push the image of the handsome stranger out of his mind. He was done falling for people and getting into relationships for now anyways, especially with what happened with his ex… He left him with a broken heart and trust issues, and he didn’t think he’d be able to go through that kind of pain again anytime soon.

God, you’re so pathetic , Suga thought to himself. Are you really planning your future with some guy? Just because he’s handsome and mysterious and most definitely out of your league? And most probably painfully heterosexual… Get a grip on yourself.

He sighed and opened his eyes, pulling himself out of the bathtub, drying himself off, and getting ready for bed. Tomorrow was going to be a hell of a day, mainly because he had no idea what to expect from his new University, especially how the people were going to be.

He fell asleep the instant his head touched the pillow, content he could finally fall into a dreamless slumber.

…

Suga woke up with a start, confused as to why his alarm rang even though it was still dark out. When he looked at his phone, he realised that it was not his alarm but, in fact, his best friend trying to FaceTime him. Sighing, he accepted the call.

“Asahi, what do you want? It’s almost one a.m.” Suga groaned, rubbing his face.

“Oh no did I wake you? Sorry! But also I’m not sorry because you promised we’d call today! Didn’t think you’d forget..” Asahi said on the other side of the phone and Suga mentally slapped himself.

“Right, sorry… I forgot… Today was a lot and I just got settled at work and… Ugh… I’m sorry. But I’m here now! How was your day?” Suga asked, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“No worries! Just wanted to check in to see if you were still alive. My day was alright, I’m getting ready for tomorrow and I’m kinda nervous.” Suga could tell that Asahi was more than “a bit nervous” so he sat up in bed, facing the camera in earnest.

“You’ll do great! Uni is hard but it’s important to remember that every single first-year goes through the same! I promise it’ll be alright!” Asahi only frowned in response to his encouragement, clearly skeptical.

“But you have it so easy, Suga. It’s so difficult for me to talk to new people.” Asahi all but pouted. Suga sighed.

“Yeah I know, but I promise you a lot of people are the same, and you being like that hasn’t stopped us from being friends, right?” Suga prompted, smiling at the camera.

“Yes, but we were neighbours. Also, we’ve been friends since we were 5. You’re kinda stuck with me.” Asahi smiled and Suga just shook his head.

“You’re so stubborn. You’ll be fine! You can always text me if you get anxious but please try and at least talk to one person. Can you do that for me?” Suga asked and he could see Asahi calm down the more they talked.

“Yes, I’ll try. Alright, tell me about your day!” Asahi said excitedly, leaning his face closer to the camera.

“Oh, it was nice actually! I mean it was exhausting but my colleagues are super nice! One of them would get along really well with Noya actually, he has so much energy and is so positive, they’d be the best of friends in no time.” Asahi’s face smiled sadly at the mention of his boyfriend. They’ve been long-distance for four months and Suga knew how much his best friend missed him.

“But yeah the other people are really kind as well. Remember that shy boy that was working when I had my interview? Turns out he is actually a badass behind the counter and he could shit-talk for days.” Suga laughed at that, knowing that Asahi disapproves of anything that has to do with making fun of others.

“I’m glad that your coworkers are nice!! I miss hanging out with you” Asahi said, his face pulled into a frown yet again.

“I do too. But hey I’ll be coming back for a weekend soon and we’ll be able to hang out together!” Suga prompted, trying to stifle a yawn.

“Yes, that’s true. Alright, you look tired, you should sleep” Asahi said, and Suga agreed. His head felt heavy and his eyes were closing despite his will to keep them open.

“We’ll call tomorrow after your first day’s over! I think I’ll be free after 4 pm so just call me when you have time” Suga sleepily smiled at the camera as they said their goodbyes and he immediately fell back asleep.

He awoke the next morning with his first alarm, something that didn’t happen often. He decided to enjoy the morning then, having more than an hour to get to the subway: he had a strong cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone. After sending Asahi a few memes as was his morning ritual, he ran down the stairs to get to his uni. He had visited it a few times before moving, so he was more confident in finding his way from the subway to the doors of the main building.

[ververa]

Family Portrait part 1

Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode + Myrtle Snow headcanon

A/N: Writing it wasn’t planned, but since I came up with it and worked on it with @misssmephisto​ I though it can’t go to waste. And given that Cordelia and Wilhemina keep saving my life, it can be considered as some kind of tribute to them.

Anyways, I saw some gifs and pictures and I can’t unsee them. So, Wilhemina and Myrtle are related and you can’t change my mind about it. 

Hope you enjoy it!

Myrtle Snow never talked about her family. Even Cordelia, who was like a daughter for her had no idea who Myrtle’s family was. It was no secret, though the older witch preferred not to talk about it. No wonder, since she and her younger sister hadn’t necessarily had a good relationship.

There were only the two of them and despite the fact that powers were, kind of, being handed down from generation to generation - Myrtle’s sister didn’t have them. She wasn’t a witch and that seemed to be cause for their conflict. The conflict that they had never resolved and it only got worse with time.

Myrtle had always been a mild-tempered, compassionate person, she never meant any harm to anyone - especially to the people she loved and cared about - unless they tried or did hurt her. Because then she was capable of anything. Yet for most of the time she was calm and did her best to support her sister. She never wanted to argue with the younger woman and if she could, she would most likely give her half of her power. Though it was impossible. No matter how much Myrtle wanted them to have a good relationship, her sister hated her and there was nothing she could do about it.

She was in her early twenties when she moved to New Orleans and started studying at Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies. That was where she met Fiona Goode - the very first person, who had incredible ability to make Myrtle’s blood boil. At that time young Snow focused on herself - improving her abilities, getting better at controlling her powers and studying the history of the coven. She had no more time to worry about her sister’s insecurities. She still did think about her, but her sister didn’t even want to talk to her, so Myrtle gave up.

It was a few years later when Myrtle found out her sister was seeing someone. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that, but the man her sister claimed to be in love with was a warlock. Myrtle may have still been young, but she already had a chance to get to know the warlocks better. And she knew very well that being around them didn’t mean any good. She obviously tried to convince her sister not to marry him, but the younger woman was stubborn. She wanted to prove that she could do whatever she wanted even though she wasn’t a witch, and so she married the warlock to spite her sister. Ever since then the two of them stopped talking completely.

Myrtle resided at New Orleans. She stayed at Miss Robichaux’s Academy and became the headmistress. She often found herself wanting to contact her sister, but she never did. After all her sister hated her and the possibility of it changing was really low. 

The redhead witch still hoped that one day she’d get to make up with her sister, but unfortunately that never happened, because Myrtle’s sister got sick and died. The woman died and orphaned her child. Myrtle didn’t get to know her niece, but she wanted and was ready to take care of the girl, though her brother-in-law didn’t even let her meet the child. And that’s when Myrtle lost her family for real.

It wasn’t easy, though luckily for Myrtle, who was pretty devastated, Cordelia appeared in her  life. Fiona had never been the best mother and she definitely didn’t have good relations with her daughter. That’s why Cordelia got so attached to Myrtle. She needed someone who would take care of her and Myrtle definitely did it better than Fiona. In fact she became Cordelia’s mother figure. She gave the young witch far more than Cordelia had expected. Myrtle treated Cordelia as if she was her own daughter. She taught her basically everything and gave all her love to the young witch.

Cordelia and the Coven were Myrtle’s new family. Her past became a closed book and she was sure she would never have to go back to it again. Though she was wrong.

Her past kept haunting her, no matter how hard she tried to avoid it. Things got really complicated when the warlock - her brother-in-law died too. Both Myrtle and Cordelia were supposed to attend the funeral.

Cordelia was convinced that attending the funeral was just a kind of formality for both of them, since she was the new Supreme and Myrtle was the Council member. Yet she could feel that her aunt was really nervous about it. She had no idea why, but didn’t want to pressure Myrtle into telling her.

The funeral took place at the Hawthorne School, where the late warlock had been teaching for years. At first nothing seemed suspicious, yet soon Cordelia’s attention was drawn by the redhead woman - the warlocks’ guest of honour. The Supreme couldn’t help, but noticed how the woman and Myrtle were really similar. And she got curious who the other woman was “Myrtle… she looks like you when you were her age” “basically identical”

As Ariel Augustus was giving his speech, Cordelia started with her questions. At first Myrtle tried to ignore her “you know what they say, petal? Curiosity killed the cat”.  But Cordelia was stubborn and determined to find out. “Myrtle, pleaseeee tell me!”

And the older witch gave in. Before Augustus was done, Myrtle managed to explain to Cordelia that she had a sister, who got married to the warlock and the woman, who looked just like her was their daughter. Cordelia was dumbfounded at first “You had a sister??? And you have a niece??? Why didn’t you tell me?”. The answer she got definitely wasn’t what she had expected, but suddenly everything started making sense.

The only family Cordelia had ever known consisted of two women - Myrtle and Fiona, because after Hank betrayed her and turned out to be a witch hunter she just erased him from her mind and life. All that made Cordelia feel the need of meeting the other woman. She tried to convince Myrtle to talk to her niece, but the older witch didn’t want to do it. She wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, yet Cordelia - in a fit of confidence - approached the woman.

Myrtle, of course, tried to stop her, but Cordelia just smirked “oh, don’t worry, auntie. I’m simply introducing myself as the Supreme”

And she did. Which wasn’t necessary, because the redhead knew very well who Cordelia was. Although she remained polite and introduced herself as well “I’m Wilhemina Venable”

They shook each others’ hands and Cordelia felt a weird kind of thrill. She couldn’t explain what it was, but she knew for sure that Wilhemina felt that too.

She indeed did feel it, but she wasn’t going to admit that she found Cordelia incredibly attractive. She was the Supreme after all, so the power and charm were radiating from her and Wilhemina was smitten. She was sure her heart skipped a beat when Cordelia offered herself in case Wilhemina would want to talk to someone or need help with anything. She seemed really nice. She definitely was better than all the warlocks, but Wilhemina still was closed off - mainly because she noticed Myrtle. 

They may not have known each other, but Wilhemina remembered her from some old photographs her mother had showed her, when Wilhemina was still a child.

And Cordelia as an observant woman and the Supreme immediately knew why the redhead was hesitant and because she truly wanted to get to know Wilhemina better, she tried to change her mind “I’m sure Myrtle will be delighted. The two of you probably have a lot to catch up on”

And as much as Wilhemina hated it, she couldn’t say ‘no’ to the witch, so she agreed.

Though the meeting definitely didn’t go the way Cordelia had planned. It was harder than she had thought to actually get Myrtle and Wilhemina to talk to each other. The Supreme did her best, yet her efforts resulted in the two women having a bad argument.

Wilhemina had never been told what exactly had happened between her mother and Myrtle or why her mother had ‘left’ the family. And so she held anger towards her aunt, because she was the only one who knew and could tell her the truth, but never reached out.

And maybe she really was too harsh and crossed some lines calling Myrtle “an old hag” but Wilhemina wasn’t the one to apologise, so she just left the Academy banging the door on her way out.

Myrtle may have been a bit calmer. She did understand that Wilhemina could be angry, but that didn't mean she was going to put up with such kind of behavior of "some spoiled child". And so she just huffed and slammed the door of her room with such force that a few photographs fell from the wall and crashed.

And there was Cordelia standing at the hall - not knowing whether she should go after Wilhemina or Myrtle.

She couldn’t help and felt guilty, after all the idea of meeting was hers. Yet the failure didn’t mean she was going to give up. In fact it was the other way. It kind of motivated her. And because she knew she wouldn’t manage to get the two other women to talk to each other, she decided to solve the problem herself.

Cordelia started with talking to Myrtle “Auntie, she’s your family after all. You may not have the best relationship with your sister, but you can fix it. You have your chance now - with Wilhemina”. And Cordelia was right and Myrtle knew it, but she needed time to decide what exactly she should do

At first, Cordelia didn’t plan on talking to Wilhemina, but she was an empathetic person and she knew the redhead was on her own and had no one to talk to. She also knew that making up her mind would take Myrtle forever, so she decided to go to Wilhemina’s workplace.

Seeing Cordelia was the last thing Venable had expected, but, even though she would never admit it, she was happy to see the witch. That’s why she immediately agreed when the Supreme asked if she’d like to grab a coffee with her.

 They both really enjoyed themselves, so they started seeing each other more often.

Wilhemina didn't want to meet with Myrtle, so she obviously wasn't going to go to the Academy, but Cordelia understood it. The witch didn't pressure and was visiting Wilhemina instead of Venable going there. 

And they both really enjoyed those meetings. They loved talking to each other and no matter how much they talk they never got bored.

Before they even realised it they were meeting almost everyday. And the line between being friends and lovers started blurring. 

And normally Wilhemina wouldn’t allow anyone to touch her, let alone sleep on top of her. But Cordelia was tired and at some point of watching some movie her head just fell on Wilhemina’s shoulder and the redhead was surprised to say the least. She tensed for a moment not sure what was going on, but she soon heard Cordelia’s steady breathing and soft snoring and not knowing why she just smiled. She didn’t have the heart to wake Cordelia, so she just let her sleep and then pretended nothing had happened when the blonde woke up at the end of the film. 

Wilhemina got so used to Cordelia that when the witch wasn’t around she was just angry and frustrated and it was hard to bear with her. 

It wasn’t exactly the same with Cordelia. Her good nature prevented her from being mean, though she did find herself thinking about Wilhemina all the time, which made focusing on her work pretty hard and so she ended up being frustrated as well. That’s why even after a long and tiring day she always went to Wilhemina’s. She just needed to see the other woman - even if for a while.

It was one of those evening, when Cordelia was really tired. She picked Wilhemina up from work and was going to drive her home, but Venable noticed the tiredness in the Supreme’s eyes, so she offered to drive instead. And there they were - on the way to Wilhemina’s apartment.

They didn’t talk much, but none of them minded. They just enjoyed the presence of each other. Though at some point Cordelia’s exhaustion took its toll. She accidentally brushed her hand against Wilhemina’s. She was ready to apologise - knowing that the redhead didn’t like being touched, yet before she managed to say anything Wilhemina gently took her hand and intertwined their fingers together.

That took Cordelia by surprise, but after a while she relaxed and smiled looking at Wilhemina, who didn’t averted her eyes from the road.

Ever since then they started being more affectionate and their meetings turned into dates.

It, of course, didn’t go unnoticed at the Academy. It was impossible not to notice how Cordelia was leaving every evening and then coming back late at night or in the morning. And the girls started teasing her about it.

Only Myrtle was still unaware of what was going on. “Where are you going this late, Delia?” “She’s going on a date with her girlfriend” Queenie would  answer for Cordelia. “Girlfriend? Delia? What are they talking about?” “I need to go auntie”

But even though the Supreme left, she knew she would have to talk to Myrtle eventually. 

Though before Cordelia had a chance to organise it, her aunt managed to figure out everything. She wasn’t necessarily happy that Delia and Wilhemina were dating and so she decided to tell the redhead off. “Well, I guess I can’t make my dear Delia stop liking you, so I decided to talk to you instead” “I just want to say that if you hurt Delia, I won’t hesitate to hurt you”

Wilhemina remained calm. She only looked at the witch and smiled “I don’t want to hurt her. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt by anyone. She deserves all the best things in the world”. And in that moment Wilhemina realized how much Cordelia had changed her, because normally she would get furious and would most likely argue with the other woman.

Next thing Wilhemina knew was that she was at the Academy’s door. She agreed to once again try and talk to her aunt. She wasn’t convinced it was a good idea, but since Cordelia cared and wanted her to do it, she had no choice.

The Supreme was pretty nervous, but she hoped that this time it would go well. Though she, obviously was wrong.

Yet another argument between Myrtle and Wilhemina started. Cordelia didn’t even know what was the reason this time. She just sit there awkwardly, while the other two women were yelling at each other. 

Things got even worse, when Myrtle made some comment on the way her sister had brought up Wilhemina. “Maybe she’d have done it better if she hadn’t been left all alone” “She was alone, because she wanted to be. I tried to reach out so many times… But she was stubborn and full of pride. And you’re just like her” “I’m nothing like her. You don’t even know me. It’s easy for you to judge, because you never had to deal with everything that she dealt” 

And Myrtle was about to say something, but before she managed Cordelia rapidly stood up and suddenly the flames in the fireplace spurted. “Stop shouting at each other and sit down” the Supreme demanded and both women immediately followed her order

“Could you stop turning every meeting into a battlefield? I’d really appreciate if we just could have a normal dinner, like other families do. Is it too much to ask for?!”

Wilhemina and Myrtle looked at each other and then back at furious Cordelia. They had nothing more to say. In fact they forgot they were arguing, because they both cared about Cordelia more than anything else.

Though the Supreme kept talking. She had gone through old coven records and files, she had even met with one of the warlocks to solve the situation.

And so she explained that it was Wilhemina’s father who wanted to isolate her mother and then when she did manage and send Myrtle a letter it was Fiona who took it, because she hated Myrtle and wanted to crush her heart.

And after that both Myrtle and Wilhemina were speechless. The older witch is the first to spoke. She told Wilhemina how she argued with her mother, who was jealous of her powers and how she begged her not to marry the warlock “I was sure nothing good could come out of that marriage, though… I wasn’t completely right. After all you are their child and you are something good”. Myrtle also admitted that it was hard for her to be around Wilhemina, because she reminded her of her sister and that she hadn’t had a chance to talk to her before her death.  

Wilhemina said basically the same thing - that Myrtle reminded her that she was all alone in the world after her mother’s death. At which the older witch shook her head “That is not true, my dear. You have me and Cordelia.

And that’s when Cordelia decided to make a move. “You know… I’ve been wondering… It’s been a while since we’re together. And… I thought that maybe you could move in. I mean if that’s what you want. Of course, you could have your own room if you don’t want to share one with me-” “I’d be happy to share room with you Cordelia… and live here with you”

Myrtle only smiled looking at them. She couldn’t remember seeing the Supreme being this happy and so she was happy as well.

One week later Wilhemina moved in.

Cordelia obviously wanted to help with moving, but she had to work. And so she felt guilty. And when she finally made it to the bedroom she was ready to apologise, but she didn't have a chance.

The Supreme was taken aback as soon as she entered the room. There were candles everywhere and a huge bouquet of Cordelia’s favourite flowers. And then Wilhemina entered - all dressed up and the witch couldn’t help a huge smile on her face. “Wow! You… You look amazing, Mina” and Wilhemina just smirked at her reaction “I figured out you may need some help relaxing, Miss Supreme”

At the very beginning Cordelia was worried, because she almost always had a lot of work and didn’t want to leave Mina alone. Though the redhead assured her that she understands “You’re the Supreme and you have your responsibilities. And I completely understand it, Delia and I could never be angry at you for having to fulfil them”.

And they just lived a normal, peaceful life… until one day…

It was their day off and they decided to go on a walk. They were in the park, walking slowly through the alleys talking about everything and nothing, when Cordelia’s eyes laid on a woman with a stroller.

Wilhemina didn’t notice it at first. She kept talking, but nothing getting any response from the blonde she looked at her. She didn’t realize what the Supreme was looking at or why was so so hypnotized, so she asked “What are you looking at?” And she regretted it immediately.

Cordelia faced her and looked at her with puppy eyes “I want a baby”

That definitely wasn’t what Wilhemina had expected. She tensed up and despite trying not to, she got a bit nervous “I… I didn’t… You never mentioned you want kids”

And the witch just kept staring at her “Pleaseeee” and Venable couldn’t help, but began to panic. Yet she still tried to play it cool “I mean… You know it’s not physically possible for us to have a baby”. Wilhemina was sure that her statement closed the conversation, but she was wrong.

Cordelia seemed to be unbothered by her words. She simply smirked “Well, not to the average person, it’s not. But I’m the Supreme”. And Wilhemina just rolled her eyes, already done with the blonde “I think we should go back home now, before you see more children and decide to have a kindergarten of your own” “Oh well, I definitely could have more than one child!” “I bet you could, but it’s not the time and place, Cordelia” “Oh come on, Mina! Just imagine how amazing that could be! Our own precious little children. We could have a little girl and maybe a boy. We could name her after your mother and if we have a boy we could name him Wilhelm”

And that definitely was too much for Wilhemina “God forbid! Cordelia, I’m begging you… enough talking about those little annoying creatures” But the Supreme pouted, knowing she had Mina wrapped around her finger, hoping it would work.

“Cordelia, don’t make me do it” the redhead said raising her eyebrow.

And they just stood there, looking at each other, when suddenly a ball hit Wilhemina’s cane and right after that a little boy showed up apologizing “It’s okay. No need to apologize. Right Mina?”

Wilhemina was ready to tell the child off, but she couldn't do it. Not when Cordelia was looking at her that way. And she gave in. She let Cordelia talk about kids.

“Imagine them calling you ‘mommy’” Wilhemina knew she had no chance to win with Cordelia, so she decided to try the other way “If it’s really that important to you, I can call you ‘daddy’”

And Mina knew it worked, because the blonde immediately stopped talking and her cheeks turned red.

Wilhemina was sure that the case was closed and she won, as she always did. But she was wrong.

The two of them rarely argued. Not that they didn’t have reasons to argue. It was just Cordelia who preferred to agree with Mina rather than to quarrel. She came to the conclusion that as the Supreme she could let Wilhemina be right or rather make her think that  she thinks she’s right. It just seemed to be easier.

Though this one time Cordelia wasn’t going to concede. 

Of course she loved her girls as if they were her children, but she truly wanted to have a child of her own. And it was her last chance to achieve her dream.

She was well aware that as the Supreme she would fade eventually, that’s why she needed Wilhemina. She wanted to make sure that there would be someone, who would take care of the baby.

Mina knew it all. She knew how much Cordelia wanted to be a mother, but that didn’t mean Wilhemina was going to agree. The idea of having a baby was terrifying.

If that wasn’t enough, she hated when Delia mentioned she was going to die someday, so that the new Supreme could rise. 

Wilhemina was absolutely terrified of doing everything wrong. She didn’t want their child to hate her, but she was sure it would, because as she said, she wasn’t a good one to be a mother.

Mina may have tried to pretend she didn’t care, but she did care. She hated to see Cordelia being sad, so, trying not to argue anymore she began avoiding her lover. And the Supreme noticed it immediately.

The witch wanted to understand Wilhemina’s behaviour. She truly tried, but couldn’t. It hurt her when Wilhemina became so distant.

Though instead of talking to each other, they both chose to confide in Myrtle. The old witch wanted to help. She really did, but couldn’t. In fact all she could do was to try and convince both women to talk to each other. Though both Wilhemina and Cordelia were stubborn. It went on with them not talking for a week or so.

And it was too much. Cordelia was done, she couldn’t take it anymore and so she decided to finally face Wilhemina.

At first Delia tried and was calm. She didn’t mean to argue. Actually she hoped they could have a normal conversation. But as Wilhemina began deflecting whatever the Supreme said, Cordelia snapped.”I gave you everything. I take care of you. I keep helping you and making it look as if you were the one helping me. I always go gently with you and try to make you feel as if you are the one in control. But guess what?! YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL. You were not and you will never be. I’M THE FUCKING SUPREME and I’m done! I’m done with you avoiding me, Wilhemina. I haven’t done anything bad. I asked you for one thing. Just one thing that means the world to me… If you don’t care anymore… you’re free to go”

It hit Wilhemina. Her Delia never truly yelled before, so she did realize it was bad this time. She wanted to make it better obviously, but she didn’t know what to say, so she just sat down hoping that she would manage to find the right words eventually.

And when Cordelia saw Mina’s face she immediately regretted everything she said. She didn’t mean to hurt the other woman, she was just done.

It was one of the very few times Wilhemina actually cried. And it made Cordelia felt even worse. She immediately began apologising and pleading. Yet Mina admitted the blonde was right and she probably did deserve it.

And they just sat there together - crying and apologising each other, before finally having a real conversation.

They talked about everything that bothered them - all their fears and insecurities. “I’m not going anywhere any soon” Delia tried to comfort “But even if I die, which will happen eventually, there is Myrtle. She will help you with the child. You will not be alone”

And after being reassured that they were both capable of having a baby  - Wilhemina agreed. 

Tag list: @midnight-lestrange​, @natasha-danvers​, @stopkillinglilyrabe​

[misc-headcanons]

Lucci/F!Reader: In the Dark

(Commissioned by @junebloom21​)

Word count: 1964

When they first got together, Lucci told ____ that being with him wouldn't end well. He was constantly on the move for his job that he refused to ever share any details of, out of a sense of "protecting" her. He wasn't used to trusting anyone, not completely anyway. He's been called remorseless, heartless, a cold-blooded monster--and he'd admit that those could all easily describe him. Loving someone like that isn't easy, and the last thing he wants to do is ruin ____'s life because she was kind and foolish enough to fall in love with him.

And yet, when he'd told her this, all she did was kiss his cheek and say that she didn't care what kind of misery came about from being together; she'd rather live a hard life with Lucci than an easy one without him. It wasn't the first time he'd heard a partner of his say that after he gave them this "full disclosure" speech, and he'd felt a pang of worry in his heart that ____ would come to regret her desire to stay with him. Still, she said yes, and a stupidly optimistic part of him couldn't help but believe the earnestness and warmth and love in her voice.

But months after that conversation, he could tell that things were becoming strained. He had been called on a covert mission to carry out just before the Reverie, and he wouldn't be able to see ____ for at least two months. Something had happened in Big Mom's territory, and the intelligence gathered there led Lucci's superiors to believe that they'd need to  increase surveillance in Wano and Tottland; infiltrating the territory of two Yonko was definitely going to be a long and difficult affair for the agents of Cipher Pol. As a high-ranking member and one of their best spies, Lucci had been called on to leave as soon as possible. Normally he'd have had enough time to soften the blow of his absence to ____ by taking her out on a nice date, treating her to a perfect evening a few days before he had to ship out. Tonight was no different, but _____ was acting a bit strange.

Lucci had made reservations at ____'s favorite restaurant, and he'd even gone out to buy a few things he'd noticed her eyeing when they'd gone window-shopping in town a few weeks prior. When ____ stepped out of her bedroom in an elegant (and expensive) outfit, Lucci smiled warmly and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear before kissing her cheek. "You look beautiful," he murmured. "As always."

____ smiled back, though Lucci noticed there was a tightness and tension to her expression. "And you're just as handsome as ever," she replied playfully, eyeing Lucci and his animal companion who was almost always on his shoulder. "Both of you, hehe." She brushed Hattori's chin and the white bird cooed as he rubbed his cheek against her fingers. 

Lucci's eyes narrowed a bit when he saw her expression change for just an instant, and her face fell for a moment as she looked at Hattori. Something was bothering her and he wanted to know what that was. He draped his arms around her back and held her close, pulling her in for an embrace. "Are you alright?" He felt her bristle a bit in his arms. "It seems like something's on your mind."

____ was quiet for a fraction of a second too long. "Oh, it's...nothing," she said hastily, hugging him back and resting her head on his free shoulder. 

Lucci frowned. "If it's bothering you," he replied firmly, "Then it isn't 'nothing.'" He pulled away to look her in the eyes. "You can tell me anything," he assured. "You know that, don't you?"

____ stared back up at him, and the only sounds in the room were the ambient noise of the breeze blowing through an opened window nearby as a pair of silk curtains gently flapped and swayed. Her smile was gone, and Lucci saw that she was biting a small portion of the inside of her mouth. Her body was much more tense than it had been before. "I…" Her voice wobbled slightly, and that waver in her words was enough to send her over the edge of composure; tears welled up in her eyes, causing her mascara to begin to run as she sniffled and lowered her head.

Lucci's eyes widened a bit and he blinked in surprise as he watched her begin to cry. "I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I wanted to be happy tonight and make our last date for a while go well, but...I'm sorry, I can't. I can't pretend I'm happy."

Lucci held her and rubbed circles into her hip and upper back with his thumbs. "Don't apologize," he insisted. "Just tell me why you feel this way." 

____ looked up at him and took a shaky breath. "You're leaving again," she said bluntly. "And you won't be back for at least two or three months--again. And THIS time, you didn't even tell me where you're going!" She wiped away a few tears and glared at Lucci. "I can't call you, I can't send you any letters...Are you just expecting me to wait here for months, not knowing where you are, what you're doing, whether you're alive or dead or injured or…" She let out a soft sob and shook her head. "I can't, not without losing my mind this time."

Lucci's heart sank as he heard her. He knew that his long and frequent absence was hard on her, but he couldn't do anything about it. "You know I can't contact you for your own safety," he reminded her, trying not to sound annoyed or angry--although, a small part of him couldn't help but remember her saying she wanted this relationship with him despite the hardships there would be. "If you knew where I was and someone found out, you could be targeted. And if I gave you any information about my assignment, it could--"

"I know," ____ snapped, turning away from Lucci and crossing her arms. "It could jeopardize your mission and your safety. I've heard that a million times." She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "I'm not asking you to tell me everything, Rob. Just something. Anything, so I'm not completely in the dark when you come back home months from now at 3 AM, covered in random cuts and bruises, and you act like I'm supposed to just not say anything about it."

____ turned around and took Lucci's hand, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Look, can you please just tell me what's going on?" Before Lucci could open his mouth, she hastily cut him off. "I'm not asking you to tell me everything. But there has to be more you can tell me about...I don't know, just something more than 'I'm leaving next week and won't be back for at least two months.' And I know, I know I told you I was okay with our relationship being…'complicated' because of your work." She squeezed his hand. "But I don't think I'm strong enough, not without something changing."

Lucci silently squeezed her hand back, and let her continue. "Do you know what it's like here when you're gone?" She bit her lip. "I wonder if you're going to come back. I look out the window--" She walked over to the slightly open window and pulled away the curtains to reveal the beautiful city view and coastline. "And I wonder if you're on one of those ships at the docks in a coffin or an urn. I have nightmares all the time, where you're bleeding to death or you're dead in the middle of nowhere. And I think, maybe I'll never know if you die out there." She let out a hollow, bitter laugh. "Maybe the World Government won't let me know you're gone, just so your mission doesn't get compromised. I'll just spend the rest of my life wondering what happened."

Lucci stepped behind her and put her arms around her again. She covered her mouth and started to cry again, staring out at the coastline while he held her. "Please, there has to be something you can tell me," she sniffled. "I won't ever feel okay until you're back through that door, but I need something to just…" She shrugged. "To hold onto, I guess." She turned around and pulled him into a tight hug. "You told me once that you've been an agent since you were a kid, right?"

Lucci nodded. "It's all I've ever done," he replied quietly.

"So...you've never had someone worry about you before," she replied questioningly. "Not just as an asset or something, but worried about you." 

"Aside from my associates, no," he replied. Calling them "associates" somehow seemed too formal; Khalifa, Kaku...they were all more like his siblings after everything they'd gone through together.

____ cling to him a bit tighter. "Well, now you have someone else worried about you," she said, her voice thick and worn from her bout of crying. "I love you, Rob. I'm never going to be okay when you're gone for so long, but if I don't know anything about it...it just makes it even worse."

Lucci froze up at her words. He'd had some partners that lasted longer than any one-night stand or passing fling, but he'd never took their "I love you"s that seriously. They never lasted long anyways, and they'd usually end things even after they said they could handle the distance involved with being with Lucci. His memories of them leaving didn't hurt that much, but the thought of ____ like that...It hurt him, in a way he wasn't used to feeling. He really did love her, against his years of training and his better judgment. 

Lucci was quiet for a long time, and the two of them held each other in silence. His heartbeat sped up in his chest as he tried to find something, anything he could say to give her more information without compromising himself. "...Hypothetically." he said slowly. ____ looked up at him in confusion. "An agent, not specifically me, could find a way to write to their loved one. She would need to learn how to read a certain type of code to read short messages sent to her disguised as inconspicuous scraps of paper--receipts, bills, etcetera." He gripped her shoulders and looked directly into her eyes. "And she would need to burn them immediately after reading them," he said pointedly. "Do you think she could learn that code in a week before her significant other leaves?"

____ smiled and nodded eagerly. "Even if she's not a very good student," she replied playfully, "She might do whatever it took to know whether or not he was okay out there." She let out a small chuckle. "Maybe after she fixed her ruined mascara and made herself look like less of a mess, they could enjoy their date night and then spend some time cuddling and learning this new code."

Lucci smirked and brushed the pad of his thumb over ____'s cheek and lips. "He might be a harsh and strict teacher," he warned jokingly. "Do you think she'd be able to handle his lessons?"

____'s smile widened. "Depends," she replied. "Is he going to discipline her by spanking her with a ruler or something?"

Lucci chuckled and held her close, enjoying the rumble in her chest as she giggled while he nuzzled her neck. She could fix her makeup if she wanted before they left, but right now, he just wanted to enjoy having her in his arms and in his life.

[beca-mitchell]

losing grip (on sinking ships) (1/1)

Summary: High School AU: Beca ends up attending the winter formal with Chloe...and Chloe's boyfriend.

Word count: 3.9k

Part of now i see daylight—an au series that explores beca and chloe’s lives together as if they had been childhood friends.

Read below or on AO3.

* * * * *

Age: 15/16 Sophomore Year of High School January

Beca thought she would feel better about coming back to school after Christmas break. Her self-imposed isolation from Chloe had been painful, but oddly Beca feels somewhat refreshed, ready to go back to school, getting back to making music, and training for the upcoming track season.

It’s just...Chloe. Chloe is still on her mind. It had helped to not see her for a few weeks, but if anything it only really cemented the fact that her stupid crush on her best friend wasn’t going away. On top of all of that, now Beca feels guilty. She feels guilty for freezing Chloe out. She feels guilty for all the perceived dishonesty that has built up over the past year. However long she’s had these new, crazy feelings for Chloe, it has absolutely taken a toll on their relationship and Beca knows it is largely her own doing.

It is also a bit of a stretch to hope Chloe hasn’t noticed.

Especially considering that Chloe has shown up on her doorstep the day before they're due back in school, looking very cute and bundled up in her big winter coat and hat.

“Beca...hi.”

Beca’s mother brushes past them on the way out, already rushing. Beca rolls her eyes, stepping aside to let her mother past. “Have a good day at school, girls!” her mother calls haphazardly over her shoulder.

“We don’t have school today,” Chloe points out, wrinkling her nose in confusion.

“I know,” Beca murmurs, stepping aside to fully let Chloe inside. “But she doesn’t. Clearly.”

Chloe chuckles at that, a dry little sound. Her eyes are sympathetic as she shrugs off her winter coat. Beca takes the coat automatically, both of them going through the motions by force of habit.

“We just got back from Florida,” Chloe says finally when Beca has yet to say anything else. She unclenches her fist, reveal a small metal necklace that had escaped Beca’s notice earlier. It is a simple seashell design—a locket of sorts—with Beca’s name engraved on the back. “I got you something,” Chloe explains unnecessarily. “Um, it’s…” she trails off, watching Beca hesitantly. “If you want it.”

It breaks Beca’s heart to know that their relationship soured to this point. “Of course I do,” Beca mumbles, momentarily too ashamed to look at Chloe.

“Um...and also if you want me.”

Beca’s eyes dart up at that, comically-wide, she’s sure. But it can’t be helped. She had to have misheard Chloe. “Uh, what?” she asks, unable to stop the waver in her voice. Her heart pounds. She clutches the necklace tightly to stop her hands from fidgeting under Chloe’s incredibly blue gaze.

“If you’ll...still have me. As a friend.”

Beca is struck by twin sensations of relief and disappointment. “I...of course, Chlo. That’s...of course we’re friends. You’re my best friend.” My only friend, sometimes.

Chloe clasps her hands together nervously. “I didn’t mean to make that sound so dramatic...but I kept thinking all break that I did something wrong. Or that I hurt you in some way.” She reaches forward tentatively to grab Beca’s forearms. When Beca makes no move to jolt away, she steps closer. “You’d tell me, right? If I did something to hurt you?”

“Yes,” Beca responds truthfully. It is the whole truth. She would tell Chloe if Chloe had hurt her in some way. It’s just that this is...not Chloe’s doing. This whole “having feelings for her best friend” thing is not Chloe’s fault, if any fault can be attributed at all.

It’s just a hard place to be in, Beca knows that.

“I’ve just been...going through some things. Emotionally,” she explains with some evasion. “I can’t really talk about it yet, but...I’m not mad at you.”

Chloe’s eyes dim a little. “I want to be there for you.”

“I just needed some space.”

Her eyes dim further. “Not...from me, right?” She drops Beca’s arms, folding her arms across her midsection instead.

“No,” Beca lies, finally. “Can we just…” she sighs. “Can we just be okay? I’m sorry this break was a little weird. But you were going away and…”

Chloe blinks, shaking her head a little as if to clear her thoughts. “Yeah, yeah of course, Beca. Whatever you want.”

“No, just—I need you to know that we’re okay. And I’m going to try and be better,” Beca promises. “I’m sorry,” she says sincerely. “I missed you, you know?”

Chloe’s smile stretches slowly. “I missed you too, dork. I also plan on seeing way more of you this term.”

“Oh you do, do you?” Beca asks, finding it remarkably easy to sink back into the same banter with Chloe. She still feels incredibly guilty for freezing Chloe out when Chloe has absolutely no idea. She knows that the alternative of not having Chloe in her life at all is so much worse than whatever pains she feels at the thought of Chloe not reciprocating her feelings. Above all, Chloe is her best friend. I’m going to try, she vows, watching Chloe bite her lip in contemplation.

“Starting with Winter Formal,” Chloe declares.

Beca’s jaw drops. “What?”

“We’re going to the Winter Formal together. You, me, and Tom.”

Beca’s stomach plummets. “Oh that sounds” horrible “nice,” she finishes.

“I promise it won’t be like third-wheeling at all.” Chloe leans in closer. “We can pretend like he isn’t even there.”

It is exactly that—moments like that—which confuses Beca. Chloe frequently makes statements like that, usually in jest or teasing but still jarring all the same, and she does it so nonchalantly. Beca isn’t quite sure what she feels at that moment, but she knows that she wants to make Chloe happy. And Chloe clearly thinks that Beca is feeling somewhat excluded in some ways (sometimes she does, it’s true), so she’s making up it up to Beca in her own weird Chloe way.

Beca can’t help but love her for it; Beca can’t help but love her even more.

“Fine,” Beca says. “But I’m going dress-shopping by myself.”

Chloe pouts. “Are you—”

“Chloe.”

I can’t handle seeing you in various states of undress, parading around in pretty dresses. Looking like you do.

She holds her tongue.

“Fine,” Chloe finally agrees.

 * * * * *

 Beca takes a breath, straightening out the minuscule crease she finds in her dress. Every time she looks at herself in the mirror, she finds another imperfection.

Another flaw.

Another reason for her not to go to this stupid thing.

Another reason not to go just to watch Chloe and Tom dance the night away, making everybody jealous as they all watch from the sidelines.

Her phone chimes again, this time three times in a row. Beca sighs, moving to pick it up.

Chloe Hey my brother’s gonna drive us to Tom’s place soon!! Are you ready?? I’m so excited to see you!

Beca smiles despite the gnawing sensation in her stomach and quickly taps out a reply to Chloe. Chloe’s enthusiasm for everything had always been contagious and Beca finds herself still smiling as she finally moves to grab her handbag.

Beca Be right there!

Beca notes that her mother is nowhere to be found. She figures she’s out grabbing dinner. Beca kind of wishes her mother had brought her dinner as well so she could avoid dinner with Tom and Chloe before the dance, but then she wouldn’t have a ride to school and it would just be too complicated to explain to Chloe exactly why Beca wants to avoid dinner with her bonehead boyfriend.

She feels slightly guilty, thinking such things about Tom. He’s a nice enough guy, but Beca feels unnerved every time he so much as looks at her. It’s like he knows exactly what thoughts have floated through Beca’s head—the dark, wanting thoughts of his girlfriend. His girlfriend. Not Beca’s.

Beca wonders, not for the first time, if she can even still consider herself Chloe’s best friend. Things have been so weird recently. Uncomfortable. Beca’s sure it’s about 99% her fault, but she flounders more often than not and she wishes more than anything that Chloe could just see inside her head. Or at least feel her emotions.

Beca glances at her reflection again as she passes the mirror in the foyer, this time striding out the door with determination.

Despite things being weird with Chloe over the past little while, Beca holds out some hope that tonight will be different.

Tonight can be different.

 * * * * *

 “You look—” Beautiful. Stunning. “So nice,” Beca finishes lamely. She lets Chloe pull her into the backseat, smiling all the while. Chloe does look pretty with her hair in waves down over her shoulders. She is wearing a beautiful dark blue dress, longer than the cocktail-esque dress Beca has chosen. Beca tries not to note how their colors—red and blue—compliment each other so nicely.

“You look amazing,” Chloe says sincerely. “That dress is adorable.”

“I picked it out without your help thank you very much.”

“I never doubted you.”

Beca grins. This she can do. “Liar.”

Chloe sticks her tongue out. “Am not.”

Chloe’s brother purposefully jacks the music louder. “I can’t wait until you two losers get your licenses.”

Chloe yelps, punching the back of her brother’s seat. “Shut up. I’m getting mine soon. Be useful.”

Beca giggles, smiling shyly when Chloe’s eyes cut to her upon hearing her laugh. She shrugs, settling back in her seat. Hearing Chloe and her brother engage in banter is a reminder that everything can be normal. Everything can be lighthearted.

Nothing has to change, Beca tells herself. She can do this.

She glances at Chloe who is tapping out a message on her phone. Her eyes track over Chloe’s eyelashes, the curve of her nose, then the silhouette of her lips. Beca couldn’t stop the onslaught of thoughts even if she tried.

Full, Beca thinks, testing the word out in her mind. Full lips. Kissable. Kissable lips.

Her face grows hot as her mind begins conjuring up a full-fledged fantasy. She quickly looks away from Chloe and turns to stare out the window.

 * * * * *

 Tom pulls open the car door and is about to lean in when he notices Beca is sitting in place.

“Oh,” he says. “Switch with me, Beca.”

Beca wants to punch him. “No, I’m okay.”

Now Tom kind of looks like he wants to punch her.

“Dude, get out.”

Beca isn’t sure what comes over her. She crosses her arms. “Dude,” she mocks back. “Just sit in the front.”

Beca so knows what he wants to say—he wants to tell her that Chloe is his girlfriend. But in doing so, it would only embarrass him in front of both Chloe and her older brother. Even Tom has more self-respect than that.

Tom glares at Beca for a long moment.

“Just sit in front dude,” Max says, pinning Tom with a stare that has even Beca blinking from the intimidation.

“Fine,” he mutters.

“Sorry!” Chloe squeaks out, though before Beca can shoot her an incredulous expression for apologizing to that dickwad, Chloe shrugs. “Beca was here first.”

And because Chloe Beale just has a knack for dissipating tension, the tension does exactly that: it breaks, leaving them all in a pleasant silence save for the soft music coming from the speakers.

Beca tries not to smirk. She knows Tom can probably see her in the side mirror. It makes the temptation all the more pressing.

 * * * * *

 They grab burgers at the diner, Chloe sandwiched between Tom and Beca as they huddle at the counter. Their server smiles fondly at them, acknowledging that they all look stunning and that they’re probably excited to have a night out. Beca startles when Tom puts an arm around Chloe, jostling her in the process. She attempts to glare at him over Chloe’s shoulder, but he isn’t quite paying attention.

Beca sighs and puts her burger down, playing with her fries instead.

“What event is this? A high school dance?”

“Winter formal.”

“And you’re all going together?”

Tom answers that quickly enough. “We’re going together,” he says in a tone that clearly indicates he thinks nothing of Beca’s presence there.

“We’re all going together,” Chloe corrects, placing a hand on Beca’s forearm. Beca warms at the touch and smiles shyly up at their server who looks delighted at her smile.

“I love your dress,” she whispers to Beca as she passes. “Red is a good colour on you.”

Chloe practically vibrates in her seat. She giggles and pulls at Beca’s arm. “I agree.”

Beca tries not to think about how much it matters that Chloe thinks that.

“And you,” the server says, pulling Chloe’s empty plate from in front of her. “Your dress is gorgeous! It matches this one’s eyes,” she points out, nodding at Beca. She lets her words drop overtop their heads with no small measure of devastation. Beca can already sense the stony silence from Tom.

Beca quickly looks away from Chloe and Tom, not wanting to see whatever flickers across both their faces. She hadn’t noticed, but Chloe’s dress is a peculiar shade of blue.

“Huh, I didn’t notice,” Chloe murmurs.

Tom replies, probably something incredibly boring, but Beca can’t hear him over the sudden rush through her ears.

She files it away, deciding not to mull over it.

 * * * * *

 Beca hovers on the outskirts of the crowds, opting to linger instead by the bleachers and the punch. She smiles hesitantly at the teachers that walk by, but other than that, she fiddles uselessly with her handbag.

She can just see Chloe and Tom every now and then, flicking in and out of sight as they move between people. There is an ease to which Chloe socializes—the way she can so easily meld with people; the way she can so easily bond. And Tom, of course, is her perfect counterpart.

Future prom queen and king. That’s the title looming over their heads and everybody knows it. Especially them.

Beca tamps down the jealousy that rises in her at the thought. Yet another label to which Chloe is probably excited to subscribe, but yet another label which Beca can’t really help her with. She imagines briefly what it would be like to dance with Chloe like that—to hold her in her arms and slowdance with her as the music around them fades to nothing. Beca imagines it would be akin to feeling like they were the only two people on the dance floor.

Unfortunately, the only two people on the dance floor she has any real interest in are slow dancing as of now. Beca swallows back some lemonade, wondering if she should have eaten more at the diner because her stomach churns uncomfortably. She can just see their profiles through the crowd.

Tom leans in for a kiss.

Beca wants to look away—she should, in fact, look away—but she just cannot bring herself to do it. It feels like a painstakingly long moment in which Beca realizes how far out of her depth she is. She never had a chance with Chloe, not when Chloe has her perfect Prince Charming ready to swoop her off her feet.

It suddenly feels like Beca is intruding on an intimate moment and she quickly makes her way to a new spot, not feeling much like dancing.

She shouldn’t have come.

 * * * * *

 “Bec, come dance with us!”

That sounds exactly like something Beca decidedly does not want to do, but she follows Chloe through throngs of people. The song is fun, top 40 and exactly what Chloe loves. Beca bops along, laughing when Chloe attempts to pull some crazier dance moves. They’re not bad, which is impressive on its own.

God, Beca loves her. Beca loves Chloe and her expressive eyes and her wild hair and all the amazing, wonderful things that make her who she is.

She loves her.

The thought makes Beca freeze, almost. She would lock out completely if Chloe didn’t choose that moment to grab her wrists and pull her in closer for a friendlier dance.

“Come on!” Chloe says again. “Dance, Bec.”

Beca attempts to move her suddenly sluggish feet, but she can only stare in Chloe as if she is moving in slow motion. The lights dance across Chloe’s face, painting her in technicolor.

“Wow,” Beca says before she can help herself.

Chloe slows a little, not completely stopping, and steps closer. “What was that?”

Beca swallows, catching a whiff of Chloe’s perfume. It feels like every sense is exceptionally loaded and stimulated. “I, uh, nothing. I’m—”

Chloe slows. “Beca?” she asks, concerned.

Beca takes a step back, wondering if this was too much, too soon.

Tom suddenly steps into Beca’s view—how hadn’t she noticed him before?—and puts an arm around Chloe’s waist, pressing against her comfortably. His broad shoulders dwarf Chloe’s; he makes Beca feel so small.

“Let her go,” he says simply, in a neutral tone. Nothing too crazy. Just three simple words.

It’s his eyes that catch Beca off guard. Accusatory, almost.

He knows.

Beca inhales sharply, nodding and spinning on her heel to exit the circle of people on the dance floor. She needs water. She needs air.

She needs to get out.

She barely makes it out of the circle when Chloe catches up to her, pushing them both to the outskirts.

“Beca, wait, what happened? Are you okay?” Chloe somehow makes her voice sound soft, even though she has to raise it to be heard over the music.

Beca swallows, glancing over Chloe’s shoulder. She doesn’t see that Tom has followed Chloe in any way. “Nothing. It’s nothing. I got...claustrophobic.”

“You’re not claustrophobic.”

Beca yanks her hands out of Chloe’s grasp. “How would you know that?” she snaps.

It is a horrible reaction that Beca tries to stop, but it slips out of her regardless. Her pent up anger and frustration, mostly with herself, finally unleashing themselves. This time on Chloe.

“You’ve been so different lately,” Chloe whispers.

This time, she does whisper. A small, broken whisper that Beca hears like a freight train rushing past her. It hurts her to hear Chloe’s voice like that.

“I’m sorry,” Beca says, desperate. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

Chloe tries to smile comfortingly. “It’s okay, I just want to help you.”

“I know.”

She does know. Chloe has only ever supported her and cared for her and loved her. From the moment they met at five years old. Chloe has been Beca’s rock.

“Come back and dance,” Chloe pleads. “Please.”

“I...maybe later,” Beca says half-heartedly. “I’ll come later.”

Chloe knows she’s lying. That’s the worst part. The betrayal in Chloe’s eyes almost does Beca in completely. She’s been a complete idiot over the past few weeks, keeping Chloe at a distance. But it’s the...the magnitude of her feelings for Chloe. Chloe, her best friend, who has no idea that Beca has this growing, stupid crush on her.

Chloe, who has no idea that Beca thinks she may be falling in love with her and she has no idea how to stop it.

She doesn’t know if she wants to stop it.

Chloe...who is dating Tom.

Chloe, who deserves to be happy without Beca, even if that means Beca hurting both of them for the time being so Chloe can have space to be happy.

And Beca can have space to move on.

She takes a step back.

“Come dance,” Chloe repeats. “Please, it’s fun. I promise.” She doesn’t sound so desperate anymore. Just defeated.

“Later,” Beca lies again. She hates school dances, she has decided. She never even wanted to come, but Chloe insisted.

Chloe stares at her for a long moment.

Tell me to stay, Beca thinks.

Chloe’s mouth opens, her eyes alight with something new.

Beca’s heart leaps. Maybe—

Tom appears, materializing from the crowd. He wraps a hand around Chloe’s forearm, grabbing her attention. Beca thinks he says “Let’s go dance, Chloe.”

She’s not sure, because she’s already turning away.

As she looks around at the crowd around her, she tries to pick out a familiar face. A friendly face. She sees Stacie and Aubrey and Flo. Maybe some other girls on her track squad. But they all have each other. She could join them. Perhaps.

But seeing all these people—her classmates and peers—she feels more alone than ever. She would have stayed for Chloe. She should stay for Chloe.

She glances over her shoulder.

Chloe is gone.

 * * * * *

 Beca waits outside the gymnasium for her mother. It does not take too long. Beca braces herself for the onslaught as the car slides to a stop in front of her.

“What happened to Max driving you home? Going home with Chloe?” Diane demands the moment Beca slides into the car.

Beca tosses her bag to the floor of the car, wishing her mom would just start the car already. “It’s not...happening,” is all she can offer in explanation. Her heart pounds in her chest, painfully reliving the sight of Chloe and Tom kissing while sharing an intimate dance.

“Why not?” her mother asks, sounding rather upset. “Beca, you know I have work tomorrow. I have to be in the office early because of a big client.”

“I know,” Beca whispers. She feels bad now. She disrupted her mother’s schedule. Again. Simply because she couldn’t keep her own emotions under control. “I—”

“I was already in bed, Beca. I can’t always be ferrying you around when you know how busy I’ve been lately.”

But you’re here now, Beca wants to say. That means something, right?

Her inquiry echoes around in her head. Weak from disuse. Faded from overthinking.

“I’m sorry,” Beca murmurs finally, unable to make her voice louder than a whisper. She wants to cry, desperately, but she clenches her fists to stop herself. “I didn’t…” her voice wavers and she chooses instead to look out the passenger window so her mother cannot see her inevitable tears.

She can’t even stop herself from crying anymore.

She can’t do anything.

Her mother says nothing for several long moments as they drive the short path home.

A small, hopeful part of Beca—smaller and smaller each day—wonders if today will be the day her mother comforts her. Offers her a hug. Kisses her cheek or hand.

Tells her it’s going to be okay.

Beca waits.

She waits as they turn the familiar corner onto their street.

She waits as they pass Chloe’s house.

She waits as they turn onto their driveway.

Nothing.

In a daze, Beca walks up the stairs to her bedroom, ignoring the sound of her mother’s voice. She kicks off her heels and peels the awful red dress off her body. Her phone chimes from her bag and reluctantly she goes to it.

Chloe did you leave? where did you go??

Beca at home Dont worry my mom picked me up

Chloe Bec what??? My brother was going to drive us both home Beca are you okay? :(

Beca is already crying before Chloe sends her last message. She glares at it through blurry eyes and angrily tosses the phone away before crawling into bed. The vision of Chloe’s message still stares up at her in an accusatory manner.

Chloe I just wanted you to know that i thought you looked so pretty tonight and i wish we got to dance together. goodnight

Beca already hates the new year.

fin.

now i see daylight.

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 30: Richard*

Let me start by saying, nothing is wrong with Richard*. I match with Richard* right as the nightmare that is “the microwave” has come to a close. Now that I am mere days away from being fully vaccinated, I break the rules a little bit to give myself a headstart before I am able to actually go on the dates. I figure, what is the harm in working on getting back out there? I send a “Like” to him on Hinge, inquiring about a prompt that mentions he had broken both of his arms. The next morning, I get a reply with the story. After discussing that series of events briefly, he goes on to ask more about me and the video games I play. I step on my soapbox for a time. He tells me that he plays a video game called League of Legends, which has a reputation for having some of the most toxic players online. I ask him half-jokingly if that is his way of telling me he is toxic. He swears by his alibi of not having his microphone on when he plays with strangers, so as to not be tempted. We reminisce about Runescape, and he tells me more about some of the games he plays.

We get into the topic of pets, where he says my dog seems nice. I ask him if he has any pets where I am surprised to learn he has two snakes. We talk briefly about what it’s like having snakes, and we segue onto a conversation about television shows due to my dog having a character’s name in a show he watches, which then segued into a conversation about having coronavirus, and travel, and my changes in taste since aforementioned COVID-19.

I narrate to him a conversation I’m having with my best friend about the show of the moment, “Bridgerton,” on Netflix. Pretty randomly, he officially asks me out for drinks. I tell him I have a caveat, that it needs to be next week, as at this time I am still technically not supposed to be dating yet since I am awaiting my second COVID-19 vaccination. I make a joke that I bet he thought I was going to say I had a penis. He jokes back that he was hoping I would. I continue a joke saying I am pretty sure I don’t have one, but if I do have one it’s extremely small. We learn that we have opposing schedules, “we suck” is how I put it. I offer that in the meantime, we can text/call/video chat in order to continue getting to know each other. He sends me his number though offers that we can talk with a “different method.” Being the jester I am, I turn this into a joke of seeing how many alternate methods I can think of. A good sport, he plays along and adds a few of his own, ending in “Mongolian throat singing.” Despite the ingenious ideas we come up with, I opt to stick to contact him via text message.

Upon texting him and seeing my area code, he recognizes it as his cousins lived in that area. He grew up a couple of hours away in rural Maryland. It is late, so our transition to text is brief for now. In the morning I challenge him regarding who woke up the earliest; I win this challenge due to having a call in at work at four in the morning. We then bond over the legendary Mountain Dew Game Fuel, Citrus Cherry, that would come out at game releases; once my favorite drink, being reminded of its existence brought me anger and sadness, which I expressed I was feeling to him. We are getting along so famously, that I decided maybe I can make an exception to seeing him before my vaccine. He says he is fine either way. We start to plan our date and settle on a brewery I like near me.

Much of our texts are light-hearted jabs at each other, nothing super deep. He compliments my quirks often. He often makes jokes about having a smooth brain and sends me many diagrams. He tells me about his major in college. I then realize I don’t know what he does for a living. I ask him what his job is, that’s when he tells me he is in the Army. The stereotype for men in the military is that they usually get engaged quickly, without knowing a person for very long. Being the jokester I am, I take this opportunity to jab at him. My response to his career is, “oh sorry I don’t want to get married next month.” He says that that is why he doesn't have his job in his profile, because of the stereotypes. I joke that I have been misled to believe he had been a chill down to earth guy.

When it is the day of the date, I jokingly keep saying I am going to wear an evening gown; I mention it a couple times. When I arrive, in my skirt and crop top, I see he’s actually dressed pretty nicely and is sitting outside, wearing long khaki pants and a dress shirt. It is a decently warm day, so I hope he's okay. I compliment him, saying he looks nice and he didn't need to dress up for me. He admits that because I kept talking about the evening gown, that he thought I might have been serious, so he wanted to match my formality. I do notice over the course of the date though that he is sweating through his shirt, especially at the underarms; not the most attractive, but a person cannot help these things.

The conversation goes well, we have a nice time and I regale him with the drama in my video game community and just talk about random things. I have a couple drinks and although we weren't planning on eating dinner there, he ends up eating a burger and I opt to just "steal some fries" since I had a late lunch. He is craving dessert so we walk a block to a local ice cream place and get some ice cream as well. When we return back to where the cars were, I realize that he had Ubered there, because another joke of mine was taken seriously regarding getting super drunk. I feel bad and offer to drive him home. We get in my car and I have him put in his address into Google Maps. I drive him there and when approaching his apartment, I see a lot of construction. He instructs me where I can drop him off and suggests that I turn around in a certain lot. He gives me a hug goodbye and I drive off.

I get completely confused and lost in the construction, between closed streets and cones blocking lanes, so I get stuck in the vicinity of his apartment for five minutes before being able to find my way back to the main road. I let him know of my troubles driving, and also when I got home. He thanks me for going out and says he had a great time. Whereas I also had a good time, I found it strange he made no moves whatsoever during the night and I didn't really feel a romantic urge with him.

I get my second COVID-19 Vaccine and take a day off to recover. We still talk at least daily while he is away on his trip; while he is gone I focus a little more on the other guy I am chatting with, John*. I've told my mom of my predicament between the two men, and between her and I, I decided I'll go out with Richard* again, give him another chance. If things still aren't progressing or feelings startup, I will end it and entirely focus on John*.

Richard* asks me when he can see me again and offers to cook for me. I give him my Friday night, which is a day after I am seeing John* again as well. On Thursday, he texts me to verify, saying "I'd like to see you tomorrow, did you still want to do dinner?" I told him I meant to confirm that day. We don't talk besides that, which is good for me because I don't have to worry about getting texts from him when I'm with someone else. The day of my second date with Richard*, I text him to ask for his address again and ask for suggestions on parking, since the construction was such a fiasco for me, I'm still traumatized lightly. He tells me and after a few hours, I get some complicated news regarding my gaming community, so I ask Richard* if I can reschedule to tomorrow, Saturday. He says it is fine and so we just chat for the rest of the day.

On the day our date will actually happen, he again seems to verify the date, asking me if I'm planning on coming over "today." I snarkily replied, "yeah I don't bail, you said 730." He asks me what I want to drink, as he must be grocery shopping. I panic and say seltzers. I take a quick nap and then let him know I am headed to his apartment. When I arrive, I try to follow his parking suggestions but get confused and don't see anything. After driving around for over five minutes, I start to panic as I don't see anything. I find a random gravel lot that is in earshot of where I had dropped him off on the first date, and I call to admit defeat. I send him a photo as well to show where I am. He comes out to find me and almost walks past my car. I flash my high beams at him to indicate it's me and he hops in the car. We drive around a few minutes and luck upon a spot that is close to one of the side entrances to his apartment complex.

I follow him to his apartment, he is again dressed nicely, and I am wearing more comfortable clothes. He is wearing a nice shirt, but with jeans. We get to his apartment and it is slightly better than a typical bachelor pad, but definitely not overly showy. He is still finishing up dinner, chicken pad thai, and he gets me out a white claw to drink. We chat briefly but he starts acting weird, just off. I just sit in his gaming chair and spin around, look at his one snake, and stay quiet. In a way, I am fine with the silence, as it solidifies my unease about this going anywhere. He eventually speaks up, saying he just got a killer headache and isn't feeling well. Due to his travels, I joke about him having coronavirus.

When the food is ready, I let him serve me, I tell him to go light as I don't eat much. He had talked a lot of game regarding his pad thai being good, and unfortunately, it was pretty disappointing. He used chicken thighs, which I am not a huge fan of, and the noodles seemed almost soggy. Richard* was aware of this, however, and commented that this wasn't his best dish and had used a new kind of noodles. I don't like and say that it's just alright, at least palatable. We watch some Brooklyn 99 and eat on his couch, sitting on opposite sides of the couch. After dinner, I get an official introduction to the snakes and get to pet them, it is bizarre, but kind of cool. Definitely not as fun as playing with, say, a dog. Shortly after that, I say it's getting late and I should probably go home. He walks me back to my car, which is a need since his complex is a maze. Again, he makes no moves and gives me a hug goodbye. For me, it's easy to see that something isn't quite right here. We chat briefly, for the next few days, as I'm not ready to immediately break his heart.

When he texts me four days after our date, explicitly saying the following, I see it is a perfect opportunity to come clean:

He took things very well, and I didn't hear from him again. I commend myself for being a real human and telling people how I feel, rather than ghosting and not giving others closure. I wish more conversations could go this way. I feel bad for the guy. It isn’t his fault that I ended up “playing the game” and doing what you’re supposed to do when you’re dating, which is, not to get stuck on one person and date around. It just so happens, he ended up being the one I obviously didn’t like as much and had to sacrifice for his own good. It’s possible that only due to my extreme attraction to the other guy, that he never had a chance as it was shadowed by my feelings for someone else.