#They may not even notice it was gone
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there is a new Keychain in my bag that I distinctly remember not paying for. I don't remember putting it in my bag, but I bought something else at that booth so I must have grabbed the other Keychain along with the thing I paid for without noticing. I don't remember the name of the booth, either. I feel TERRIBLE
#It wasn't a particularly expensive item so it's not like this is going to cut into their sales for rhe weekend much#They may not even notice it was gone#But I feel so bad#If I can find them online I'm gonna try to pay them for it
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I know that we got plenty of options as to how everything with the Ender King is going to go down, but a thought that has not left my mind was the idea of the Ender King downing qPhil in some way and taking him away. Which means there would be a chat message for all to see :)
For example :)
#qsmp#qsmp philza#this could be better or worse depending on how many people qPhil tells about the whole mess (itll probably be 0 tbh)#cause if he tells no one#not even his kids#then it will be a gut punch#like pov you are chayanne and tallulah#you just lost your godfather in Tubbo#you may have just lost someone who really cares for you in Bad#and you gotta hold onto your dad right? if something was wrong he would have told you right? he promised to not keep secrets right?#and now hes gone without a word#was the Ender King that much of a threat that he could take your dad without any hint that it could happen? or were there just signs#that you missed. that you could have seen and stopped. you could have saved your dad but you didnt. why didnt you notice him change?#and to a lesser extent there is also the gut punch to fitmc#pov you are fitmc#phil promised to keep you updated on all the hallucination stuff and hasnt said anything to you about it in a long time#thats a good sign right? itd be bad if the Ender King was real and came to help phil anyway#he had some crying obsidian appear in his inventory? clearly the admins are messing with him it couldnt be anything#and now hes gone#and you find out that he was hiding things from you from his children#there were more messages more hallucinations#why didnt he tell you?#did he not trust you? hes right to do it but you thought he trusted you with this at the very least#and now#what do you do?#you dont even know where to start in looking for him#did he really trust you that little?
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yeah yeah trick weekes says whatever about it not making sense that solas couldnt sneak off THEY FAILED TO CONSIDER that maybe he just is ass at it when he gets invested. much like. the whole fucking rest of the romance where he COMPLETELY fails to resist until the breakup.
anyway.
im personally of the opinion that he's more liable to slip up - fail at sneaking, accidentally reveal details, contradict himself - when he actually makes bonds with people. which is why after trespasser he goes and lives alone in the lighthouse for ten years but i digress.
and i think "that", the bonds tripping him up, should be reflected in his exit from the Inquisition. you're enemies or neutral, yeah he just vanishes. there's nothing to keep him there, nothing to interfere with his plans and intentions. you're (ex)lovers? i think he still would pull back purposefully and probably vanish, but there would be definite hesitation. he would have to force himself to do so, because fuck, he wants to stay. he wants to be close to you. but he also, crucially, knows that you have a dangerous sway over him, so he MUST disengage. if you're friends, it takes him some effort. because he does like you, he doesn't want to do what he has to, it's been so long since he had people who were friends to him, and he doesn't have to force himself away because he's in too deep. he knows you would worry about him. he might not be willing to give anyone the truth - but he would owe you a goodbye, at the very least. especially if you weren't the type to try to convince him to stay.
#solas#solas dragon age#dragon age: inquisition#da:i#solavellan#if you squint#idk. romance has way more volatility to it than friendship and kinship. it tends to blow up and make people more angry and bitter#but i think parting on good terms that are later revealed to have been false terms is a massive gut punch#like ive gone into it before but revallen is not the type to let his friends just. go. without doing something#he's too traumatized. thats why he has his goodbye habit of giving them a kiss laden with a protection spell before letting them go#because he let his wife go without one and she was killed#so he's observant of the signs of someone leaving#he would notice solas's absence immediately and chase him down.#even for goodbyes that are hasty and one sided you will get a kiss - forehead or cheek or hand - and that protection spell#otherwise he cannot sleep at night#and on solas's end - he does not want to admit it but i do think he likes it. he likes having the bonds of friendship and kinship#even if they must be short lived. even if only for a moment. i think he knows he must keep himself apart but he longs for them#and cannot force himself not to#he may not even realize that he's relenting but he does. even if only a little. even if only long enough for a kiss and a fond goodbye
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The amount of criticism and hate the wottg book is getting makes me scared to like it bc it feels like if I do then I’m doing something wrong😅
#I read for the feels and vibes so most of the time I’m not paying THAT much attention to actually properly critique it#I fear we may have gone into this book with inadequate standards and that’s why many are incredibly mad and disappointed#I’ve seen many critiques being about Annabeth playing into ‘Percy is dumb’ but I feel like that’s his own insecurity#like when you think your hair or smth looks bad and that everyone thinks the same but it’s really just you that notices#but I am afraid to say that#I don’t think this book was supposed to be a big adventure with plot twists and a lot of character development#bc if it was then yeah this is definitely not that but who said it was supposed to be#also if you’re aware that it’s a cash grab then maybe just maybe don’t buy it????#I like some rr crit but now I’m just scared to like this book at all#once again this is not that deep take this with a grain of salt or don’t even interact to disagree#people are feisty okay they tend to get upset when u disagree#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#annabeth chase#heroes of olympus#hoo#wrath of the triple goddess#wottg#spoiler free#pjo fandom
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kiburi x ushari but specifically doomed kiburi x ushari. more than anyone else in the army they believe with full sincerity that scar's plan HAS to work because they can't succeed without him
#they don't even have to be romantic i just think. about them a lot#bc i'm writing my sections abt them in the BFTP essay#i can't express how tragic it is to me how much they had to believe scar would give them what they wanted#kiburi is absolutely an asshole in canon and doesn't have redeeming qualities yes. but consider this#scar knew that he wouldn't give ushari and kiburi what they wanted because ofc he wouldn't. but they didn't know that#i swear to god it's not just ushari who had so much devotion to scar. sure scar scared or pissed off kiburi but#have you noticed how much kiburi brings up scar in like every battle#he puts so much into the belief that scar is the answer. as does ushari#they would turn their backs on EVERYONE if they thought scar could win#which they did#with kiburi helping to double cross janja and ushari not giving a fuck when the skinks sacrified themselves just for the plan#scar's plan was everything to them#and what happened because of it? ushari died#kiburi couldn't give less of a fuck after scar was gone but i have multiple problems with the rushed-ness of the outlanders after that#like kiburi would NOT immediately allow ANOTHER animal to boss him around y'know#sure he said that jasiri wouldn't boss his float around anyway because they'd take care of themselves but#it's just. not my interpretation of his character#kiburi x ushari is canon divergent anyway obviously lmao but. i just think there's angst in them#like im sorry but kiburi would not give up fighting makuu that easy HFHJDJ#he may not have beef with the pridelands specifically because scar isn't making him attack them since he's gone but#he hasn't got what he wants. why would he stop#completely and utterly an au idea but. kiburi wanting to take over the pridelands because their actions led to ushari's death#reptiles deserve better or something like that#oh god i've rambled so much#this is just to get my thoughts out it's not coherent at all but yeah.#there's my doomed yaoi for you /silly#rambling in tags#spinny rambles#kiburi x ushari#< i kinda love them :[
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Hi, just wanted to say good job on getting this account back up ❤️❤️❤️ and hope you manage to recover your main tumblr account as well!! ❤️❤️❤️ (my account got suspended a year ago and it was a pain getting it back but hope all works out well with yours in the end!)
Thank you 🥹🥹🥹 🩷🩷🩷 I was so relieved at how quickly they released my sideblogs, I guess it turns out I had a bunch of URLs hoarded from like 13 years ago that I didn’t realize. This is now a violation of tumblr’s guidelines (which is completely fair) but they’ve suspended my main account because of it, and I guess this blog got flagged as spam which is why it was terminated. I’ve deleted all the other URLs though so I’m hoping they’ll release it soon! 🤞
#its so stressful losing access to your account im sorry that you had to go through that as well 😞#let this be a psa to all the tumblr elders who may have dozens of urls from over a decade ago: delete them!!!!!!!#personal#asks#it means so much to me honestly that people even noticed i was gone 🥲#its definitely made me feel so grateful for the community weve created im this fandom#i know there can be a lot of conflicting heated options but i truly love everyone in this fandom so much and am so appreciative for it 🩷
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you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces
#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well#considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all#in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story#yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount#and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops#but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me#i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative#which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career#im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation#:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long#but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is#anyway . im taking it well
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might actually take a leave of absence at work bc that's how bad things are rn
#bee chats#i probably won't bc like. money.#but#the fact that i'm even considering it...#insane#i can't take vacation on such short notice tho i may try if i'm gonna be gone anyway#at least then i'd get paid
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bleh
#blabbering#rambling/whining/complaining/venting ahead:#I think the horrors have finally caught up to me and the depresso is starting to take hold#i don't usually experience this until winter but I think the sudden drop of activity and people going on hiatus and such -#has triggered this early for me#basically I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long or i start spiraling REALLY badly.#i don't really handle change very well haha...#i have the notorious curse of second guessing anything and everything and putting it on repeat in my head and then amplifying it#which sucks bc I don't have any more escapisms that work now bc this was already my escapism and I have no human connections irl#(I'm not kidding either. I've failed time and time again to make friends irl and was always the proactive one about it. But alas... ugh)#my only source for connections is online bc i struggle to make friends (especially at my age and how my energy keeps depleting and depletin#might lowkey be sharkweek but usually I just get more agitated and not this (this is very specific to the winter horrors™ for me)#i guess I may as well check out the spears while they're around still (tho in between me making dinner). I'm just feeling super bummed out#and not excited like I was the other day about it (ofc I blame the depresso™).#I don't even know what to do for my beta characters. Head empty. Head gone. sigh.#also it sucks bc next week is gonna kick my ass at work (canada day/july 4th/july in general/5 DAYS and long shifts in there too)#i'm going to be so tired and so alone and with nothing to look forward to. Idk what to do bc none of my usual distractions are effective no#No escape. No seretonin. No company. Nothin'. I notice I when i start getting bad like this when I fall back hard into pokemon#(because it was my childhood escapism and I was a neglected only child who was left alone a lot; hence the connection lol)#i'll probably just have to suffer through it and be an absolute wreck of a person i think. I don't really have any other options#watch me get sick again bc canada sucks to work bc everyone has it off and they ALL GO TO THE STORE I WORK AT AND IT SUCKS.#gonna try to draw more too but the depresso is eating my brain worms (the healthy brain worms)
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I think it’s weird to scold queer people + poc for celebrating a bigot’s death.
#yeah the way he died was gruesome. but the fact that it took 25 days for anyone to notice him being gone#is a testament to how he treated those close to him in life.#I became a fan well after his descent into bigotry but… idk bro.#I’ve only seen discussions of him in the context of him dropping slurs and being abhorrent.#time and time again I feel like fandoms have more smoke for the victims of bigotry than the perpetrators#that man was not turning around. one of his last posts even was transphobic vitriol.#I feel for his family and people who knew him before he was like this. bc I know what it’s like to watch a loved one decline like this#but I don’t think it’s right to act like people celebrating his death are completely unfounded and cruel#your actions have consequences!! your words hurt people!! this may result in your support system leaving you!!!#let this be something that urges you to be more kind idk#I don’t want to tag this as my chemical romance lol#honking
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BREAKING NEWS i said yeah on the phone and rascal meowed back at me from across the room hehe
#ALSO. PARENTS JUST INFORMED ME WE MAY BE ADOPTING/FOSTERING A DOG#IT'S SUPER SHORT NOTICE BC HE'S A SHELTER GUY AND HE'S SET TO BE EUTHANIZED SOON#IM. FREAKING OUT I WANNA MEET HIM SO BAD I WANT THE DETAILS BUT IM ON CAMPUS RN#8 MONTH OLD SHEPHERD MIX (not sure what kind of shepherd but ig probably german?). IM COMIN TO GET YOU#this may mess with my 'what if we got a cat after my senior dogs are gone' idea but. but oupy dog#god i love dogs so much uaughhh.... im getting my hopes up so much you guys don't even know#i mean they wouldn't tell us only to say no right#update they are going to meet him + tomorrow we'll bring our dogs and the whole family to meet him#assuming my mom's allergies don't act up around him#but he looks and seems so sweet and goofy and weirdly gentle which is good bc sometimes shepherds can be a bit rough#and that's also good bc like. we have two senior dogs and we don't want him to stress them out or injure them by being a puppy all over them#one of the shelter videos respectfully pans away as he squats to take a shit which is very charming to me#but yeah i really really hope it works out bc like. he seems like such a guy + i love animals So So Much + i don't think anyone else would#swoop in in time if we don't. our shelter is perpetually full and they're a kill shelter#and im choosing not to think about the possibility of us not at least fostering him for the time being#bc i need to keep working and thinking I Killed This Dog By Not Somehow Forcing My Parents Into It is not going to help that#and i have no reason to believe it Will go wrong. all signs point to good atm so im going to trust that#even if it means i eventually get charlie brown footballed by my dogs hating him or something
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Trying to decide if I post the comic tonight or tomorrow morning…
#orange posts#I’m only hesitant because I feel like I may be shadow banned???#I’ve noticed the last couple days/posts haven’t been showing up in the ‘recent’ tags#and my engagement even from mutual d has gone down since like the 10th or 11th#I might still post it anyway but it’s kinda a bummer if I am :(#maybe I will just to see if I am shadowed by tumblr.com
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hi babes i’m back from my little break
#i may or may not have a little heartbreaking edit prepared that i’ll upload later#but most importantly: i missed you all!#tbh i don’t even know if anyone has noticed i was gone lmaooo#but i got some lovely messages and was mentioned in some posts that had me weeping#so thanks for making me emotional and helping me clean out my tear ducts#i’ll get back to every single one of you 💕#personal
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quite interesting how someone ive never met and probably never will meet knows me better than anyone else
#just a load of garbage#really says something about me doesnt it#me and my trust issues#i mean if someone doesnt know who i am they can't judge me#the only person whos come remotely close to knowing me that well is sarah#then behind her is jade#god i miss jade#im literally seeing her on sunday but chances are she'll be the same as last time#ignoring me bc her phone is more interesting#anywho#can we just notice how the only person ive trusted since december is someone i dont know#hm what happened in december i wonder#oh yeah#my auntie got killed#and why did she get killed#cos she went to israel#which i found out when?#after she'd been dead for weeks#maybe i dont trust people cos it seems like no one trusts me#even though i know they do#or at least i think they do#god who even knows at this point#i sure as hell dont#oh did i tell yall ive started praying again#everythings gone to shit so may as well hope for divine intervention#probably wont work but gonna try anyway#maybe the big dude in the sky does care after all#dont mind me yall
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And then I finally end it off with some doodles of them… they make me feel things.
#ringmaster doodles#sona art#( they’re very much the theme of. love in the face of the neverending march of time. )#( being immortal and knowing you will outlive the man you love because someone else deemed he unworthy of eternal life. )#( he may still have tens of thousands of years left. sure. but you know that those will go by and he’ll disappear in the blink of an eye. )#( and you’ll sit there on his death bed. wondering why did things end up like this? )#( wondering what you did wrong. and if you could have done something different. you’ll always ask yourself. )#( if he lives a life of happiness and comfort or did he live a life as gruesome and miserable as the wars on earth? but you won’t know. )#( and the more you think about it. the more you realize it. how nihilistic he was. and how he never seemed to smile even in the good times.#he always seemed to have a frown or a scowl on his face. he always seems bothered and unhappy. )#( so you wonder if it was something you did. because you know you aren’t perfect. you’re hardly good. )#( you wonder if he’s mad at you. maybe he was. but he doesn’t have the heart to stay mad. )#( and that’s love in the face of adversity. knowing that no matter how bad it gets. he loves you as you love him. )#( and you wonder why he never smiles. because he truly never does. and so you ask him. honest and true. )#( and he tells you there isn’t anything worth smiling for. nothing in this whole world. )#( but he smiles at you. it’s always small. and it’s always brief. )#( but that smile. that smile means love. )#( that hug. as flimsy as it may be. that hug means love. )#( of course. he isn’t affectionate. if anything. he detests it. he hates physical contact of any kind. you’ve noticed. )#( which is a shame. you love your hugs and your kisses and your hand holding. )#( but even if he doesn’t like it. he lets you do it. because it makes you happy. )#( and you learn that when you’re happy. he’s a little less miserable. )#( of course. not all love is equal. and not all love is fair. )#( the love from a lover and the love from the father can never equate to one another. )#( no one will love you in the same way a father or mother loves you. in the same manner. no one will ever love you the way I do. )#( because my love will remain with you. long after I disappear. )#( and as bitter as the idea of my own existence coming to an end is. knowing I did all of this for. essentially nothing. )#( that I’ve gone through all this pain and suffering and hardship just for it to all amount to nothing. for it to be fucking useless to try.#I get to die knowing that you’ll always love and be loved. and that’s enough for me… )#( … maybe there is something worth smiling for after all. )
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Not dad trying to tell me about some big fallout news he heard about from some work colleague 😂 oh what the poor man just subjected himself too.
#it was about that leak from weeks ago. dad got quite the details about it. he walked right into that one.#and that dear sir is why we do not try to bring news about the hyperfixation. i will know about it and you will hear about it.#dude even got the history of fallout 3 as a bonus. since that was the one he mentioned 😂#he also got a very veeeery long version about why i would necessarily get so excited about the leaks.#you know age of the document. the whole company sale thing. how much the time line clearly has already gone to shit. etc etc etc.#yeah... yeah i think he really came to regret that one 😅#listen i have only slept 5 hours. am high on caffeine and painkillers- almost had a migraine ok.#which means i have like 0 filter rn and am quite brain tired. i will not realise how long i am going on for once i get started rn.#the info dump has started and it will end when i brain says so. i sure af won't notice I am doing it cause I'm just excited to share#not until i manage to like finish my long ass story do i realise i went on for like a good 20-30 minutes... oops.#and that may just be a generous estimate cause i got really going on the infodump ok. it was a blast. ngl.#i am very passionate about fallout ok. this is what happens when you fall asleep to fallout lore most days of the week.#yes i lost the plot ages ago about this hyperfixation. it makes me very happy. so i don't even care. i will keep doing it.#til the hyperfixation dies and bring great sadness to the lands... til we find something else. god knows when that is though.#i am very ok if fallout hyperfixation just... doesn't go away actually. i like hyperfixation. brings many a solution when upsetty.#.... i really need to stfu up now. hi. 👋 why are you still reading this??? these ramblings of a madman. 😂#ryder speaking#i got this far before i realised i did not in fact write wouldn't get excited... well i aint fixing it now 🙃
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