#They don't have key pieces of their identities anymore

[saltpepperbeard]

david. *crawling through his window* david. the fact that ed and stede have both experienced harmful effects from monotony/having to live the same existence day after day after day is going to be a significant plot point/source of emotional conflict in the third season isn't it. david. that's why mary gave that whole speech to ed and stede isn't it. david. stede was so depressed having to go through the motions, and ed was so depressed having to do the same, so the idea of that happening to their relationship is probably going to be a terrifying concept for both of them. david. david can you hear me—

[cryptidcorners]

Could you write something about Mike comforting his trans significant other?

Understood - Mike Schmidt x Trans!Reader

Description: After a long day of work, Mike returns to find you sitting in the dining room alone trying to process your long awaited phone call, and he comforts you through it.

# requested by anon

Media: FNaF!Movie

Character: Mike Schmidt

Tags: Trans!Reader (Identity is not specified.) Angst to Fluff, Comfort, Encouragement, Established Relationship, Private Setting, Loving Comments/Affection, Emotional, Cuddling, Cheering You Up.

Warnings: Mentions of Transphobia, Self-Loathing, Coming Out Gone Wrong, Depressive Thoughts.

read my TOS + Mike Schmidt Masterlist

Your nails lightly dragged across the tabletop, eyes wandering across the dining room as deep firefly light from the sunset began to decay. The neck of the telephone was inches away from your fingertips and your thoughts were as fast as an infuriated beehive. Unpredictable and wild. You wanted to fist in those digits again, spit through the line and give that horrid character a piece of your mind.

Yet, your eyes were warm with fresh tears and melancholy. You doubt you could choke up whatever was brewing in your head despite it all. You couldn't take it anymore—You didn't want to feel pain like this, all you wanted was for everything to be simple. Why was it so hard for her to understand? To understand you? To understand why? You tried to hold a tough face and wallow miserably in silence. But, you ended up hunched overead rested on the wooden surface with a quivered jaw and soaked face, trying to hold back your winces and gasps.

You had no sense of time until you heard the familiar twist and jingle of the front door opening. You straightened up immediately, messily cleaning your face with a low rasp. Mike's keys sang within his grip, and collided together as he fished them out of the thin design of the lock immediately. His eyes were narrowed, "You wouldn't believe what happened, we—baby?" His whole figure shifted. You had never heard his tone change that dangerously before.

"It's fine. I'm fine," you immediately defended yourself. Mike dropped everything and rushed towards you, bent on one knee as he gazed up at you. His gentle hand was on your leg, stroking it gently. "What happened? Baby, look at me. Are you okay? Did–" Mike read your face and his sight concluded to the telephone. His face turned into something stormy as he whispered, "You made the call?" His breath slowed instantly.

You nodded with tears in your eyes. You couldn't help it. Like some bottle filled beyond the brim, you started sobbing. Mike stood up and pulled you to his chest, hugging you warmly as your tears seeped into his uniform. Everything spilled, and you were lucky to have Mike there to hold you through it. You swallowed harshly, "She said I was killing her by doing this. She said she'd never see me this way. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing." Mike grabbed your face, "Baby, you did nothing wrong, you understand? She doesn't decide who you are, nobody does. You do. Only you." He explained softly, "I'm so sorry this happened, but I need you to know. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not hurting her, okay? Baby, look at me in my eyes. You—are perfect. Nobody can take that away."

Your breaths began to ease. Yet, there was still some sort of pooling guilt in your gut. "I can't just—leave her. She was so kind to me, I just . . ."

"She isn't somebody worth your love if she just treated you like that." Mike told you, "Please, don't talk to her. She doesn't deserve to see you after this. You are loved. And I understand. I see you."

"Thank you." Your breath grew jagged at the sheer emotional impact of his words. You rubbed your thumb in circles, melting comfortably within his touch. "Thank you so much, Mike."

Mike had led you back to his room after a couple minutes of silence. He was hugging you tightly, saying how perfect and beautiful you were, kissing your tears away. He took your hand, and pressed his lips against your knuckles. "I love seeing you smile, baby. More than anything. You're perfect."

You rested your forehead against his with a content expression. "I love you too, Mike." Comfortable silence filled the air. "Thank you—for being here for me . . ."

Mike caressed your face, "You deserve someone to be there for you. No matter what. Besides, it's the bare minimum. " he kissed your cheek once more. His face grew serious, "By the way, if I ever see her again, I'm kicking her ass."

"You don't need to do that, Mikey." You assured. Mike sighed, "Alright, fine. I'll respect your wishes." You could tell he was lying. But, you didn't have the energy to correct him. Regardless, you wouldn't be upset if he did end up making her lick her own shoe. Suddenly, his warm hands found their way to your waist and he rolled on top of you. Kissing your neck gently and making you squirm and giggle. You couldn't ask for anything more. And neither could he.

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Oh for crying out-

Yall I'm so for real right now, if I have to see one more person say something like "a Lesbian can't date a Trans man, it's disrespectful to both identities!" I will lose my goddamn mind.

The problem here is that you are conflating "Lesbian" with "only likes girls" and Trans man with "guy who previously identified as a woman". And these are both true, however there is one very important aspect you forgot while piecing these together.

Sexuality and gender identity are both fluid.

You saw the labels and logically thought "well Lesbians like girls, therefore being interested in a Trans man would be invalidating to his gender identity". But you forgot that key factor. We don't choose who we are attracted to. It's what we've been saying this whole time while the hets tell us to choose straightness.

Nobody ever falls into labels perfectly. If they did, history would be much simpler. But nobody gets to choose the way they feel. This is how these labels were formed to begin with. You think there was always a word for Nonbinary? Nope. But people explored, they learned about themselves and realized they didn't fit the bubbles that were already made.

Hell, I've had a Lesbian friend confess she had feelings for me even while I was a guy. To look her in the eyes and tell her that she's not a Lesbian anymore, that she needs to find a new label because this one isn't for her? That is what's disrespectful to her identity, not her own feelings.

I'm not saying these words don't have meaning, they do. And the distinguishment between them is very important. But like all things, they are still fluid. There is a difference between man and woman but that doesn't stop yours truly from being here.

If the fluidity of these things did not exist, many of the labels you like to force people in would not either. And once we begin adding ridged borders to what dictates who people can be, we become the same as the people who would have us dead.

[pannman]

I have a angsty and fluffy request for you to write. Post season 1 finale; Vaggie painfully transforms into a humanoid and sentient Weremoth during one particular blood moon, and Charlie happens to walk in during the midst of it and tries to comfort Vaggie the best she can. What happens next is up to you!

Hopefully this is within the guidelines.

You're good. I'm not too experienced with angst but I love a challenge so here goes

The Other Secret

Cw: Angst, violence, body horror, hurt/comfort

Vaggie had become very good at hiding her secrets. Her being an Angel unfortunately came out. But her other secret was still hidden

She mostly kept this one hidden for other's safety. (She also thought she looked hideous when she turned)

It was very strange but since she had fallen to hell she was at first shocked her angelic appearance had changed very little. It wasn't until her first blood moon that she discovered her "curse".

She was so afraid for Charlie to find out. Even worse if she accidentally hurt her. Her memory was in pieces like a broken mirror and a bit out of order but she remembered seeing her own appearance. She was a monster

And now even though Charlie had accepted her past as an Angel. Something still held her back from telling her about this. Maybe it was protectiveness, maybe it was insecurity, maybe it was the fear that having one big secret you haven't told your partner was bad enough but two... what if Charlie didn't trust her anymore?

She just had to continue to disappear every blood moon. She found an excuse somehow every time and would go into hiding and chain herself to the walls of an abandoned warehouse

This time though something went awry...

It all started when she told Charlie she was going away for the night to practice her fighting skills. Her skills were getting rusty is what she claimed. Just a late night training session and she promised to try not to stay out too late. (Spoiler alert she was going to stay out the whole night) she could deal with a lecture about self care from Charlie in the morning

Charlie believed her skills were sharp as ever but still decided to give her girlfriend some space and let her go out and train. Vaggie made her way to the warehouse which was still empty it seemed. She went inside and began the process of chaining herself. She placed a lockpick close by. In her monster form she couldn't use them so it was the perfect key

She sat and waited as night fall came. She wasn't excited for this part. She felt her bones shift rapidly... painfully. She felt her body contort like a million muscle pains and her insides burned. She screamed out an agonized scream that transformed into a monstrous shriek.

Her arms and legs extended and thinned out like giant insect legs but with wolf like feet and claws. Wings grew out of her but they were Moth wings. Her face and skull began to stretch painfully into a wolflike snout. A third set of arms sprouted out of her body pulling her skin like a rubber band.

Her teeth became canine like. And her eyes rolled to the back of her skull and then turned blood red. Her ears stretched and shifted to the top of her head becoming pointy. Her senses heightened and her self awareness and sense of identity had left her mind

In this new form she felt claustrophobic and panicky. She forgot where she was and who she was. She she needed to get out. Somewhere! Anywhere! She struggled in her chains. Lashing out angry and scared

Suddenly her head snapped in the direction of a voice

"I thought I heard something in here"

Then another voice

"You told me this place was abandoned! We can't do deals here if there's a squatter in here!"

The other voice talked back

"Relax, well just kill em"

Vaggie yanked on the chains feeling a wave of panic and confusion. She screeched loudly as two sinners came into vision

All she saw was a threat...

"What is that thing?!?"

They pulled out angelic knives

"I don't know but it looks like it's all tied up"

The other seemed scared

"Let's get out of here!"

While the one had a dangerous look in his eye

"Or maybe we can use it to our advantage... hey! You! You want outta here you gotta do as we say"

Vaggie only sensed danger, lashing out and before she knew it the chains snapped...

Charlie was getting worried at how late it was getting. She had texted Vaggie a hundred times. Maybe her phone was just turned off... Charlie had a bad feeling. She knew Vaggie needed space sometimes but she also sensed a growing distance between them. It hurt and she knew Vaggie was keeping something from her. But she couldn't imagine why. Especially after she knew she was an angel now. Of course she had been upset at first

Maybe her reaction is what made Vaggie feel the need to keep more secrets from her. Had she been too harsh? Did she make it hard for Vaggie to trust her? Was this all her fault?

Charlie couldn't just sit there anymore. Her thoughts were just bubbling up too much. It's time she just talked to Vaggie about these feelings. After all communication was the key to a healthy relationship

She left Alastor in charge while she went out in search of her girlfriend. She wasn't quite sure how she was going to find her. She hadn't quite thought this through

Suddenly she heard screams coming from a distance. This was usually a sign that one should stay away. In hell screams of pain and terror were kinda normal. But what if Vaggie is over there? In danger even!?!

Charlie sprinted off in the direction. That's when she saw it. A large mothlike beast with some canine like features. It screeched and howled and tore a man apart, ripping him into ribbons. Charlie had never seen anything like it in all her years of hell

She got up close, manifesting her pitchfork in hand. The creature lashed out at her... but then it stopped. It looked afraid and it looked sad as soon as it seen her. Like it recognized her. Charlie didn't know how she knew. She just did.

"Vaggie...?" She reached out. Vaggie pulled away, backing up. "Grrraaugh..." it sounded like her voice was trying to break through "grraahhh don't look at me errrr" her voice was echoey for some reason

"Vaggie, is this what you've been hiding?" Charlie asked with not a hint of malice nor judgement in her tone. Only concern and love. "I'm a monster" Vaggie growled tears beginning to form in her eyes. "I'm hideous!" she cried.

"Vaggie, I love you. I love every part of you. Your strengths and your flaws. I'm here for you" she spoke soothingly. She reached out again. Vaggid pulled away for a second but then stopped. Charlie placed her hand on Vaggie's cheek. She then pressed her forehead onto Vaggie's

"You're always so hard on yourself. You always treat yourself like a burden... but my life wouldn't be the same without you. And if this is something you suffer from, I want to be there for you. Just like you're always there for me" Charlie caressed Vaggie's face and wiped away her tears

It was then that the full moon finally set as the sun began to rise. Vaggie transformed back. It was as painful as before in reverse. She collapsed into Charlie's arms. Charlie scooped her up and began to carry her. "Let's go home" she whispered with a soft kiss to her temple

"We'll talk more when you are awake"

[elfhunk]

it's so funny that this stupid tumblr blog is paying a key role in the re-socialization of my fucked up brain.

below the cut because it's a sentimentally hopeful bummer but still indeed a bummer about some mental health brain stuff.

like. most of you do not actually... know me? i am making no effort to separate this blog from my actual identity.

but you do not have the context of me working my ass off for four years in art school, hitting an art block so severe that it sent me into a tail dive so severe i did not draw for several years, to my life being blown up and pieced back together at least three times now. it was a perpetual cycle of adrenaline fueled sprinting and cataclysmic disaster that i intentionally hid from everyone until it was too late.

like. i literally don't know how to draw anymore. not consistently, anyway. people joke about not using their degrees but i have taken it to an unexpected extreme. my friends have honestly (very nicely) begun teasing me whenever i say that i am bad at drawing because of how patently untrue it is.

anyway, if any of you have been wondering why i'm so delightful?

it's because something is deeply wrong with me, in a way that i am only starting to understand recently.

i now know that i am (probably, adult diagnosis is complicated!) autistic, i know that i have ADHD, and i know that i have experienced certifiably CPTSD level trauma. my therapist even confirmed for me that these things in combination do in fact result in me meeting diagnostic criteria for BPD, which is fun. did you know that entire diagnosis is under contention? it's a whole thing!

anyway, i learned that there was something deeply fundamentally destructive about the ways i was using tools like twitter or tumblr.

when i was using social media ages... what, 13-25? i was effectively a roiling ball of overstimulated receptors seeking to be everything to everyone in the desperate attempt to have my existence acknowledged. i saw that art that i made for myself didn't get me attention, so i stopped making it. i became a terrifyingly self-critical ball of nastiness that saw no point in doing anything unless it was perfect.

i saw no point in existing unless i was perfect. when i stopped making art, it began to bleed into the rest of my existence. my job performance had to be perfect. my etiquette and attitude had to be perfect. my body had to be perfect. my skin had to be perfect. my hair had to be perfect. if a flaw was identified, it was buried immediately.

this whole "delightful prince charming" shtick i've ended up adopting just sort of gradually became the safest way i knew how to navigate the world. it was a character i got extremely good at playing. it was turning into a perfectly lovely way of living life exclusively in service to other people. everyone thought it was so admirable and good of me. but then the gnawing evidence of my flaws continued to build up again. and everything blew up again.

because, dear reader? this is a terrible character to try and occupy in all waking hours of your life. the mask is going to fall eventually.

so, that brings us to this tumblr. this silly little place.

i am 28 now, and things are very different. i still have a lot of problems to figure out. i still have emotional flashbacks of varying intensity to an age where i am not even verbal and do not have words to articulate what i want or need. it's wild. i didn't even know that could happen. don't get traumatized as a baby, y'all.

but i do know what man i am trying to be. i do know that people really like that man. he's cool and interesting and sexy as fuck. i need to afford him more space to be imperfect, because i am the only one expecting perfection from him.

so that's why i am kind of digging this blog. i still get to play that character. i still get to enjoy existing in this weird way that i've carved out for myself. but i don't need to obsess over it being perfect all the time. i don't have to care what you think of me. i don't know you.

you're a goddamn stranger passing in the train station.

and i am a silly little horse doing a dance. because damn this silly little horse loves to dance. and he's doing it for himself.

[mxboxlocks]

Pokehmans AU

just some notes i wanted to share. specifically a heartgold/soulsilver au bc its my favorite pokemon game and the only one i own . im not oldschool im jus autistic LOL

Scout -flying type trainer in violet city -very much a city slicker. never travels along the routes -would rather die than battle on the streets -very scared of his pidgeotto. it knows this -wants to at least see one of the legendary bird pokemon -frequent pokeathelon contestant! has an aprijuice promo

Soldier -fire/flying/fighting mainly, but branches out because he just likes the murder animals -started as a street trainer -new bark town local. recieved a cyndaquil from prof. elm -owns all the johto badges and is trying to get to kanto to get the rest -biggest dream is to defeat the elite four. just to prove a point

Pyro -fire type trainer what'd you expect -firebreather in a travelling circus. they go all over! -their magmar is their best friend and confidant <3 -has a gengar that is an absolute menace. p sure it wants to kill them. they love it to pieces. its so cute it dont bite -mf might be Red. nobody actually knows and they keep their identity on tight lock and key

Engineer -Soldier's childhood friend! -new bark town local as well -takes gold's place, as he's a trusted ally of Prof. Elm and is the one that carries out the story -he and Soldier travel together -chikorita his beloved. his daughter. his life and light -despite having a grass starter, prefers steel/rock/elec -farmboy. SUPER displaced in most cities. -endgoal is pokemon research, so he sticks with Soldier and supports his dreams, as the travel is good for his research

Demoman -normal type lover -really just likes the cute pokemon -not really a trainer anymore. owns a daycare! -he has like 4 badges. stopped battling when it became too much of a danger due to crime and cheaters -even if he's in retirement, he's been on many-a vigilante smuggle bust. -works with local pokemon centers. he's got a huge soft spot

Heavy -fighting type gym leader in cianwood!!! -his sisters are his training partners -believes in the bond between person and pokemon above all else -takes care of his mama and her ursaring real well <3 -highly objected the safari zone construction at first but now participates in it as a warden

Sniper -OWNS THE SAFARI ZONE !!!! inherited it from his parents -was found in a feral rattata/raticate colony as an infant and adopted. now rattatas follow him everywhere -loves all kinds of pokemon -highly critical of battle culture, gym or otherwise

Medic -pokemon proffessor! ...kind of. -worked with the group that made mewtwo. has kind of staved the whole experimentation thing off since -has a porygon! loves it like a cat -archimedes is a pidove and is kind of deranged. Medic SWEARS its a psychic type -still kind of fucked up and evil like in tf2 canon, but i don't have the heart to make him fucked up in the pokemon universe. peace and love.

Spy -he's an idol no im not fucking with you -likes fancy pokemon, but has this ratty ass furrett that he fostered as a stray and he loves her. she bites -lives in a lavish flat in goldenrod -donates a lot of his money anonymously to pokemon centers and the national park -secretly likes bug types.. -enters his pokemon in shows and beauty pagents a lot!!! hes strict on their regimen, but empathetic to their needs. has tapped out last minute on more than one occasion!!! -Soldier and Engie's personal rival. used to live in new bark town as well but became too good for the small town life

[wintergale27]

Another random group of background characters!!

This time, it's Batwing, Bugberry, and their kits. The cave colony's #1 dysfunctional family.

(Rambling character info + a bonus piece under the cut!!)

Batwing (she/her) is the head of camp for the Cave Colony. She's always been a bit prickly, often disagreeing with the cats around her. She met Bugberry through cooking duty, as he likes to experiment with making sauces out of berries (hence his namesake). They were an unlikely couple, with little in common, but they eventually grew close enough to announce that they had become mates.

Bugberry (he/she, transfem) has always been kind of just...mediocre. An alright hunter, good enough at fighting, passable at crafting. But she's always been kind of lonely. Even after joining the colony, his mother's advice of how a proper, respectable tom-cat should act stayed in his head. So when the gorgeous she-cat working the fire beckoned him over, who was he to say no?

Their mateship started out decent. They both were getting what they wanted out of it, and the other's company wasn't so bad, really. But a few moon cycles after Batwing delivered their kits, Bugberry started having some thoughts about himself. He wasn't so sure that "tom-cat" entirely described him anymore. But when she tried to get Bat's advice on the matter, Bat didn't exactly react so great.

She called off the relationship right there, declaring that Bugberry was no longer the tom she fell in love with. Bug tried to talk it out, but, there wasn't much she could do. Their kits were confused by the change, where was Mama going and why does Papa flinch when they call for him?

Elk (she/her) is the oldest of the litter. At 8 moon cycles, she was enjoying training under the colony Heads with her brothers. Was being the key word here. Lately it just seems like...somethings off. Her body doesn't quite hurt, but it definitely doesn't feel right. Why can't she remember what she was doing before Ma came in to yell at her for slacking off?

Web (he/him) has a lot of pressure on his shoulders from Batwing. As he's nearly identical to her, she picked him out of the litter to be her "perfect son". She expects too much of him, and when the Heads report that he needs more one-on-one work to get the hang of his training, it nearly sets her off. He can't be anything less than perfect, and that definitely shouldn't include the longing looks he sends at the new cross-colony trainee.

Quail is...forgotten most of the time. Even as hard as Baba tries, to Quail it feels like sometimes she still sometimes overlooks him to go to one of his siblings. He's perfectly average! Better than Web at everything, and he's almost caught up to Elk in hunting practice. Driftingcloud even called his trailmarker perfect the other day. But neither of his parents are there with encouraging words. So when Greywind offers for him to come along to deliver a message to the Ridge, he jumps at the opportunity. This unfortunately (perhaps? It seems that there are two ways this could end) leads to Quail being taken under the wing of Grass, a trainee from the Ridge that has a bit of a reputation for being a bully. They bond over their shared experiences and find solace in each other's company.

While Batwing and Bugberry co-parent the three, it seems like Bugberry is putting in most of the work. But some of the cats around Bugberry don't quite understand her, and despite the cave full of company, she has never felt more alone.

All in all, they all have very little role in the main story of Eye of the Storm. But, I like to develop each of my characters, no matter how minor they seem, so here they are. I like to image that I might make some mini comics or writing blurbs about the background stories happening.

Anyway, to offset all that teenage angst, here is a little piece of the siblings enjoying themselves.

[rametarin]

Publications and journos lost their power because of the internet.

In Ye Olde Days, communication on behalf of a teeming mass was key. Whom got to speak and be heard and understood largely depended on whom owned the podium. That often depended on whether one was a legitimate representative of an elected institution, or a journalistic paper of repute for the interests of the proprietors and the people that back it.

This also gave journalistic papers and other things a kind of big headed attitude that they got to dictate TO the little people, their interests, in the name of their interests, and it made them prime targets for infiltration by the kinds of people that think they know best for you and the public at large. It gave them the opportunity to cherrypick articles and fine tune and condition their audience by choosing what information to publish, what information to suppress, and to spend an inordinate amount of time with their own ulterior motives speaking as if their axes to grind are the community they represent.

People needed a way to orderly and efficiently get their message across, be seen, and for others to see and hear it, because maybe they never thought of it that way before. That's what community Q&A questions are at town halls. But they're usually woefully inefficient, or they pick people that don't have good questions, or they choose plants to avoid being asked any meaningful questions- or, for example, it's just full of Trump hats that just ask, "SO HOW DO THE LIVES OF ABORTED FETUSES TASTE, YOU MURDERING BARBARIAN?" and that helps no one and nothing.

We no longer require organized publications in order to properly represent the voices of the people in a democratic fashion. Journos are no longer the defacto voices of the people or fandoms they claim to represent. And that power they have to act like parents over dependent children is not necessarily required anymore.

The internet provides a way for people to cohesively and comprehensively have some variety of an identity that is a pseudonym, say their piece, and it not be buried under a billion spam notifications. It can be posted and reposted ad nauseum. It can be seen by everybody at the assembly across time and space, and verified to have existed, so it can't just be swept under the rug or power pretend it never saw it- the public can hold them to account and make sure they see it.

But Journos are no longer necessary for groups to be represented, or have someone speak for them whose integrity is important to represent their interests, and are susceptible to compromise and fall from grace.

We're not beholden to them as a facet of society so people can make organized sense out of the noise that is hundreds of millions of voices all crying out in discordant nonsense. They can still be important filters, but they aren't endowed with that monopoly anymore.

And they, similarly, don't get to determine what we want or need, or convene to others what we really think, different from what we're saying.

[lupinusalbus]

Whitewashing of DT in Fanfiction

I don't read a lot of fanfiction, although there are a few I've enjoyed thanks to the references I've seen on this site. But I recently have looked at a couple of Jon/Dany fics which rewrite season 8. I was curious, so I took a look at them.

In these pieces, Dany has been totally transformed into a sympathetic character by making some changes from S8 such as:

Changing her motive for being in the North with Jon from what was presented in her ambiguous conversation with Sansa in the library at Winterfell. In fanfiction Dany's motives are being presented as "selfless." Her lines about her ambition for taking the iron throne are softened and deleted.

Sansa is presented as being grateful to Dany for coming North. Their relationship is friendly and cordial, with Sansa happy that Jon has "found someone."

Dany is apologetic to Samwell Tarley for executing his father and brother. She tries to gain Sam's sympathy, explaining that she was mistreated by her brother and sold to a warlord.

When the truth about Jon is revealed, Dany is grateful that she is "not alone anymore" as a Targaryen.

Sansa thinks Jon only needs time to "come to terms" with his sexual relationship with Dany. Then all will be well between the two of them.

I skipped around a lot, but DT usually survives King's Landing, and she and Jon end up ruling together. I don't think any of this is ever going to happen in the books. As much as I disliked some of the show's twists and turns, there's no way that D&D would have changed the ending from GRRM to this extent.

Something I find really interesting is that all of this acknowledges that the character of Sansa is very key to the Jon/Dany plot. It is necessary for Sansa to either be made into a ruthless, vindictive villain, or else for her to be totally sympathetic to Dany in order for these "fictions" to function. I think it likely from what was presented on the show that Sansa is going to reveal Jon's identity as a way of destabilizing Dany and of protecting Jon from himself. Jon will choose Sansa and the Starks. That "thread" from the show strikes me as being very authentic. The consequences for Jon and Sansa are something they will both have to grapple with.

[sophia-sol]

I've been thinking some more about my gender presentation of late. I mean, thinking about how I dress and present myself to the world is kind of medium-key on my mind all the time, but this year I'm trying to more deliberately work on figuring out what kind of wardrobe and styling makes me feel happy and comfortable with myself.

And I've been making great progress with that, and it's very exciting, when I look at myself in the mirror and go "YEAH!!!" instead of just being like "well I have no arguments with this outfit."

When I was in my late teens, I stopped wearing pants. Full stop. Skirts or dresses all the time, for every occasion, in every weather. And I kept this up for….dear lord I just did the math and I think it's 10 or 11 years of absolutely no pants, with a couple years on either side with majority-skirts but occasional pants. At my peak I had a collection of over 50 skirts, most of them real statement pieces. I did the skirt-wearing for a number of reasons, some of which I was able to articulate at the time and some of which I wasn't.

But I think that ultimately one important facet of it (which I absolutely did not understand at the time) was that if I wore something so distinctly female-associated as a skirt, was known for it in fact, then I could experiment with gender in other ways without being concerned I would be seen as rejecting my assigned gender. I was wearing a big ol' flag of femaleness on my bottom half at all times! So I was able to inch towards a more masc presentation in other ways without totally freaking out and shutting myself down. (I mean, I still freaked out. I have a dreamwidth post from 2016 about how scary and forbidden it felt to wear men's button-up shirts, and get a more masculine haircut. Even with my skirts! But I was able to make those forays, despite the difficulties.)

But as I grew in my confidence in wearing more masc clothing, the skirt-wearing eventually fell by the wayside. By 2019, I was wearing pants one day a week, on fridays, feeling daring at the pants-featuring outfits I put together. And then the pandemic began, and I spent multiple years being able to wear anything on my lower half and not have anyone outside my household see me, and never having to use public washrooms. And freed of having to worry about what opinion people would have of my gender, I found myself almost never wearing skirts anymore. My default became men's pants and men's shirts, and I only bothered pulling out a skirt with the thought that I really ought to make more use of my excellent skirt collection, which by this point had been pared down to only the very best skirts.

But with my new default of men's clothing, I kind of ended up wearing just any old thing. Especially in the first year or so of the pandemic, I did not want to venture out into shared public spaces, so going to stores to try on clothes was right out, and I just ordered a few things online to fill in the basics of what I needed, based on what fit me and looked respectable and wasn't too expensive.

These outfits didn't exactly spark joy, but they were easy enough to wear, and felt comfortable, both physically and genderwise. And eventually I realized that it no longer felt comfortable to put on a skirt.

(did I maybe cry a bit at the realization that it was time for me to pack away my skirts? look, obviously I did, they were a huge part of my identity for so long, and I still love them, even if they're not something I want to wear anymore!)

But one of the other big things my carefully curated collection of skirts did for me was that they allowed me to dress in ways that were dramatic and visually interesting and off-beat, they enabled me to make statements with my clothing, and standard-issue men's clothing is uhhhhhhh not that.

So I've been working, of late, to develop a coherent and consistent and more me-feeling style and way of dressing now that I don't wear skirts. It's a work in progress, not least because the kinds of clothes I want to wear are hard to find! There are some significant gaps in my wardrobe to be able to fully make the clothing statements I want to all the time. But already I'm making enormous strides.

And dressing myself is FUN again, the way it used to be in the heyday of when I most enjoyed wearing skirts! I think I've spent the last 5 years at least not having fun with my clothing, when I always used to love putting together outfits. I thought it was just a casualty of growing older, but NO, I just needed to figure out a new approach to clothing that would make me happy again!

I don't know whether my current gender presentation will be a long-term or permanent thing for me. I used to derive a great deal of genuine joy from my wonderful skirts, after all! And it's impossible for me to have feelings about clothes that are siloed from society. I exist in a society, and my sense of how people see me based on my clothes is an intrinsic part of the collection of feelings I have about the clothes I wear. At least, it is right now. Who knows what will happen in the future! But for now: I'm having fun.

[purificide]

Development - Basic room

(Descriptions to screenshots are written underneath the screenshot being quoted)

The basic room is the most common room, it is used as the logic to procedural generation and took the most work.

(Basic room)

(Big room)

First the room creates a reference to the player to be used later, then simultaneously checks if it needs to spawn a key, determined when the room spawns, and at the same time, using the "spawned direction" variable the room knows which direction it has been spawned from, so it removes the direction it was spawned from as a possible place to spawn a room and sets one of the doorways to an archway to match the hallway that is connecting it to the previous room.

After those initial settings, this piece of code is run, the game mode is cast to in order to get references to the amount of rooms still left to generate. The "spawning direction" integer map variable is shuffled, with each integer corresponding to an available direction for a room to be spawned in, in order to randomly select a direction to spawn a room, next, a custom for loop with an added delay is used in order to prevent lag from spawning large quantities of rooms at once, after checking that there is rooms left to generate, upon true, the requirements to spawn a big room are checked, if there are more than 20 rooms left to generate and a 10% chance is returned true, a big room spawns, otherwise another basic room spawns.

After the for loop with delay finishes, the remaining doorways that weren't used are turned into walls.

Spawn Logic

When a room is spawned a function is triggered using a specific enumerator (enum) determining which direction the room is supposed to be spawned in, the function uses this enum in order to determine the location and rotation of the spawned room and hallway. Similarly to the main room, a line trace is fired in order to check if the space is occupied or not, if not, a room is spawned 75% of the time for more randomness, at the same time a calculation is done to determine whether all keys have been spawned and if enough rooms have been spawned in order for a key to be able to spawn, under right conditions, the room it is spawning will spawn a key inside it. Next, multiple variables are managed in order to ensure the next room has the correct room spawning logic, after which a hallway is spawned connecting the newly spawned room and this room and this room is told that a room has been spawned in this direction by removing a variable form the unset doorways variable map.

Basic room enum

The Big room spawn function works almost identically, with a few more variables and line traces to account for its size and amount of rooms.

Big room enum

S= south, W = west, N = north, E = east, T = top, B = bottom

Spawning enemies

For the first time when the player enters a room, enemies spawn.

When the player overlaps a trigger within the room which is impossible to dodge, the tick for the room is enabled and navigation is updated within the player, allowing nearby AI to pathfind to the player and the doorways are blocked and enemies are spawned in the 4 locations within the room.

When doors are blocked, blocker static meshes occupy preset positions and their materials are set if they are in an archway and not in a wall.

Since tick was enabled, the room is able to use its event tick event which checks if all enemies have been killed (if there are no enemies), if that is the case the doors are unblocked.

Unblocking doors simply sets the static meshes of the blockers to nothing so they don't exist anymore and sets the tick back to disabled for performance reasons.

The game also includes a big room with 16 doorways instead of 4, however as it uses the same logic with only mild changes its not worth presenting.

There might have been better ways to do procedural generation, and I definitely would have benefitted from having some kind of way to track the positions of these rooms, however I am nonetheless happy with the outcome of how they are generated.

Surprisingly there weren't many problems except minor adjustments when creating this system except for rooms and hallways spawning on top of each other, however that was solved by changing the spawn override settings and by putting hitboxes in hallways that deleted other hallways on top of them.

[snootlessimperfectworld]

Silly Goofy Alignment Charts

No particular order, just as they come. Corny, outdated, just goofy

Key: A- For Aten H- For Hades Purple M- For Maxlar Green M- For Malvo Blue D- For Devon Magenta D- For Dot Yellow C- For Cyrus Dark Blue T- For Troy Gray T- For Titus

More information: Troy and Titus are twin brothers and are vampires. Titus is a normal dude, kinda, and Troy is a feral punk guy. They don't get along much any more. Cyrus is this really cool werewolf dude (he's got the sickest dreads too). Kind of an enigma to his friends, as well. I mentioned briefly about Dot on a post I reblogged from my main

One of the few things Malvo accomplishes when he disappears for long periods of time

Malvo is definitely still an asshole, but more reserved. Yes, he's intentionally somewhat in the evil category. He's a Demon you guys

Maxlar, an actual parent; a child! Aten: NO

Hades is just too anxious to babysit alone, and because Aten cannot be trusted with that job (he's too chaotic, it'd end in arson), he almost never watches the Whishling kiddos. Devon is just better at being the cool uncle than babysitting. Malvo is surprisingly good with kids. This fact breaks my heart :')

Dot and Devon are both smart just not always. Aten is very cunningly smart

Hmm yeah, pretty straightforward.

Malvo's a Demon. If I had Troy, Titus and Cyrus it'd be Cyrus on knows a few recipes, Troy is banned, and Titus made toast once for someone else

Devon and Dot being the biggest sweethearts <3 Malvo aggressively telling someone "Go to therapy" in that neutral yet condescending voice of his just hits different

Titus: *is a cop* His twin brother that would be identical if he wasn't a punk: ROB THE RICH Cyrus is just a cryptid, actually. They affectionately refer to him as their little wolf cryptid

Devon, a big intimidating dude just wanting to be kind, but everyone is afraid of him Hades: *on his last legs of sanity*

Hades: *has crippling anxiety/social anxiety* Malvo: *just simply hates everyone* If I had Troy, Titus, and Cyrus: Troy and Cy are Eat Ass, Suck a Dick, and Sell Drugs. Titus is there with Malvo

Hades: *struggling to run a kingdom in the midst of war* Dot's kindness is often mistaken for her liking them Devon is once again struggling from the cons of Scary Dog Privilege no one wants to talk about

Titus once again being a literal cop. Hades: *on the verge of tears because of this incident* Maxlar showing off his actually good musical skills The BoysTM are supporting him

Something about Aten being labeled as simply "piece of shit" makes me giggle every time I see it

Devon is my himbo and I love him so fucking much Hades experiencing ~trauma~

They all want to be optimists (except Malvo) but they've seen too much/been through too much to be chaotic about it :(

Without Dot because she is the opposite of problematic Maxlar: *is the reason there is an interdimensional war* Hades, Malvo, and Aten: *have some fucked up shit going on in the background*

Aten and Hades are both cold-natured so they almost always have the heat on and have so many blankets that Hades, rather than changing one of those things, just abandons pants. Aten abandons clothes anyways because of his wings and stuff. He's the big spoon :)

Maxlar and Troy being passionately stupid will never not be funny to me. Titus does not give a shit anymore. His fucks are all gone.

Maxlar isn't suicidal by any means but he's had a really fucked up life and he's probably reached a point where his death being confirmed would be a relief. Same with Hades, only he'd say this internally. His outward reaction, as a King, is to say "Give the orders" Troy knows what the word means. He's just a shit.

There's a story here with Cracker Barrel Also, ignore Malvo trying to kill children. Don't worry about it. Devon believes in aliens because "I'm technically an alien, and I believe in myself so there!" Hades believes in the same thing but applies it to Aten "he's technically an alien and I believe in him" Dot is a secret cryptid hunter

[kaminoko-x]

[Tl;dr, or for those who don’t want spoilers: The reason ORV is so well loved is that it asks us universal questions: What kind of story are you witnessing? What kind of story are you living? What kind of story are you telling?]

my promised essay orv, which i said was going to be a month later and about existential meta but is less than a day later and is only peripherally about existential meta, i’m sorry i’m a liar, written purely from memory about canon:

the core concept of orv is the power of stories.

First off, in ORV, stories literally matter more than anything else. Some examples (including but not limited to, etc):

the early story blurring between characters and real people. the division between the 2 matters very little because within your story, within others' stories, you are both a real person and a character. Early ORV kdj is on survival mode + the Fourth Wall helps mentally support him, but one other reason kdj doesn't have an existential breakdown is that he knows that he's already a character in the POV of the starstream viewers and he fully intends to turn that to his advantage (which. hmm. Leads to another side thought mini-essay about how famous people - and especially streamers, content creators, reality cast members, and variety cast members - unavoidably create personas and narratives for the public)

the way kdj games the starstream system by selling a good story, because good stories, like little else in this new world, matter. Notice how kdj by himself doesn’t actually have much personal combat power (relative to uh. Many other beings from humans like yjh all the way to constellations, dokkaebi, and more) - he’s a perfect example of fake it till you make it, except like. Who needs muscle when you can make stories for yourself? And that being a valid strategy in this world

[spoilers below the cut all the way to the epilogue]

a story is more powerful than truth sometimes. See: the way kdj's childhold and life has been shaped by the way his mother told their story - and that the story his mother told, even if untrue, has had arguably more impact on him than what really happened. also see: demon realm identity swap shenanigans

a story is more important than sentience, apparently, see: the fact that you don't even have to be a sentient being to have a story, ie. hercules, all those random pebbles with stories on that one island in late-ish orv

In the same vein, a story is more important than individuals sometimes, exemplified in how people can get consumed by stories. see: that one fantasy european-ambience story arc that kdj wakes up some 50 years late to, where hsy almost loses herself to being a despotic princess or something

the whole setup of the universe where the power of your stories determines the power of your very being, shapes who you are at the threat of consuming you entirely (see: when constellations and nebulas clash, they do so by re-telling their stories, warping the world around them. Constellations having weaknesses from their story lexicon, so integral to who they are that they can’t ever overcome them, partly because if they abandoned those weaknesses, they have to abandon or change the story, and then they lose a lot of power and maybe arguably aren’t even the same being anymore)

The way people are literally made up of stories (see: the way kdj at one point is duct-taping himself together with random story bits, the way they piece kdj’s mom back together by literally re-writing all her stories. I love the added complexity when kdj admits he doesn’t know all of his mom’s stories, that as a person, she is more than just his mom, and subsequently, the rest of her community steps up to fill in the blanks that he could not. Added existential crisis of - what if she had stories that were missed because key witnesses were not present during the healing? Does she come back different after? What kind of stories and how many does it take before you aren’t the same person anymore?

the way constellations treat good stories as currency more than anything else except plausibility, which is mostly related to the cost of them re-telling their stories anyways. Constellations and nebulas constantly fight for shares to powerful stories like in the Journey to the West arc, or look for ways to re-tell and refresh their powerful stories, like Gigantomachia. The most creative make new, powerful stories entirely, though that can be difficult with so many other powerful players already on the field. (see: persephone eating people's stories which kdj initially thinks are people's SOULS, the fact that coin has power because it's a story in a sort of it's-a-societal-construct, a-story-that-most-societies-tell-themselves way, which is a powerful story indeed and Mass Production Maker takes full advantage at one of ORV's peaks)

the end game reveal that actually, whole universes are being constantly spun out of people dreaming of stories. This particular universe comes from the mind of a lonely kid on a train, dreaming of something beautiful and cool and exciting to escape the nightmare of his real life

So if stories are so important, what makes a story? Well, says ORV, a storyteller, a story object, and an audience, and they don’t all have to be different people. The most obvious existential paradox trio is hsy / yjh / kdj, check out this hilarity. But also see kdj, cheating his way out of death and traumatizing his found fam again, barely holding on outside of the starstream because there is no one to capture or witness his stories - the lack of storyteller and audience puts his stories (aka himself) at risk of just straight up unravelling out of existence. The Fourth Wall keeps him going by forming a symbiotic relationship with him, acting as his storyteller while kdj himself acts as both the story object and reader.

Now, most would agree that storytellers and story objects are critical for a story to exist. But audience? Why do you need an audience? ORV begs to differ. If no one witnesses the story, what is the point? When the starstream is gone, so are the crazy powers, implied to be because it took that insane level of audience witnessing to allow the rise of such powerful stories. When kdj resolves to kill the Most Ancient Dream, he is fully aware this means the whole world might just paradox blip out of existence out of lack of audience to witness it - that is, in fact, sort of the point, he thinks, in order to prevent further suffering and collateral damage. ORV is one of the few stories I have seen that places such high importance on audience, equal to that of storyteller and story object. ORV proposes that without audience interaction, it’s not even a story - art does not exist in a vacuum, so without an audience, even if it’s just the storyteller, how can it exist? How can it be meaningful? And of course, anyone can be the audience - it only takes one audience alongside the storyteller and story object to make a story exist, case in point kdj as the Most Ancient Dream.

So stories are important and stories need those 3 major components to exist. But WHY do stories exist? ORV says: we live and tell stories to connect, and we consume stories to survive. The Fourth Wall is a literal representation of the thematic relationships between author, reader, character - check out this post on some cool thoughts on how the Fourth Wall depicts the impact of the immersion and isolation with stories (and more interesting thoughts on the walls!). Even beyond big symbols like the walls, we see it personified in the major characters: yjh on his first regression chooses to embark on his story -1865 regressions, lost memories, and all the suffering that came with each lifetime - in order to meet the most ancient dream, aka kdj, one of his most important people, face to face. Half of hsy spends over a decade living a really tragic half-life just to tell a story so that she can save kdj. And kdj keeps reading, week after week, year after year, because he wants to live. And at the end of ORV, yjh and hsy spread the story of ORV because it’s the only way to connect with what’s left of kdj - and kdj comes back through the power of reading their story.

I am someone who has loved reading, writing, watching, drawing, singing, and more (not always well and not always happily, I’ll admit, but that’s alright). I can say that love for stories has been central to my love for all of these different things, both in and out of fandom, and the portrayal of stories in ORV is why I fell in love with it. when kdj dies for the final time, when all his friends are left with is the end of the story, they tear a whole so big in the fabric of the universe that a period becomes a comma and the story does not end. And it works, because they won’t stop telling, living, reading the story. I saw myself in them, trying to shape the way I live, wanting to tell my story, wanting to keep witnessing the stories of my loved ones. I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. The reason ORV is so well loved is that it asks us universal questions: What kind of story are you witnessing? What kind of story are you living? What kind of story are you telling?

I like how much attention orv pays to the concept of "character" vs "real person" and how blurred the lines are. Have the characters become real people, or have the real people become characters? Does it even matter? As if they don't have enough to worry about without lumping existential dread on top

[sunnydayjackass]

Hi! I love your posts! Got any possible headcanons if S/O ever discovers Jack's real identity? Maybe one day they call him by his real name Joseph and show him a 'MISSING PERSON' report of that year

Deflect. Deflect. Deflect.

Deny. Deny. Deny.

If you expressed any interest in looking into Jack's past, he'd do everything he could to shut it down. He's told you where he's from-Cloudy Town, he's told you about his friends and family from there, he'd thought that'd been enough. It isn't entirely a lie either but he's content to stick to it to keep you from prying.

Jack would assure you that this is who he is, who he's meant to be and always has been. There's nothing else to it, Sunshine, don't you believe him?

Naturally the production company and studio kept most if not everything under lock and keys. Keeping the information tightly secured under coverups and NDAs so a lot of your trails lead ultimately to dead ends. Jack just figures you'll tire out of it and give it up. He's here with you, in this moment, isnt it enough? It's a tinge frustrating but Jack doesn't have it in him to be upset at your curious nature.

Should you find a missing persons report or a photo of Joseph Cullman/Haberdae- Jack will absolutely flat out deny it. He won't even look at the photo. "Gosh, I mean...I guess he kinda looks like me I suppose but you know my name, silly." Jack will brush it off, saying that they even look a little similar is as close as you'll get out of him

Internally- mans is freaking the fuck out. That's not the person he is anymore, that's the real ghost in all of this. He's clean and free now, he's a better man, the best man. He isn't some troubled vagabond in tattoos and will even show you his arms and chest to prove a point.

"See? I told you." He chuckles, trying to choke down the anxiety. "Not a mark on me, Sunshine. I told you he's not me. I'm me. Poor guy though. Maybe someday they'll find him if he wants to be found." Never.

After the song and dance, if you accept Jack's points and drop the interrogations and research- it's an IMMENSE relief. Hell, he's thrilled to help you get rid of all the materials you collected. After all, the paper shredder makes it all look like confetti! And there's something just so satisfying about seeing Joseph's face go through the shredder and come out in teensy little pieces.

But if you still press, continuing to pepper Jack with questions instead of kisses or staying late into the night online or at the library, it'll take a different turn of tact.

"...why don't you believe me, Sunshine? Have I done something wrong to betray your trust?" It's that hurt turn of voice and aching look on his features as though very wounded by you not beliving his answers. "I know you're just trying to help, it's very sweet but...you can't help this man. Not all people want to be found." Again- not entirely a lie. "Sunshine, this fixating isn't good for your health. That's enough screen time, let me help you get ready for bed."

He doesn't want to fry your computer. He doesn't want to hide your library card or materials. But he will if he has to and he'll absolutely insist that he didn't. You don't have proof he's this man you seem to think he is and you have no proof of him blocking your efforts.

Really, Sunshine. It's better to let the dead rest.

[v01dcha0s]

Spirit guides 101 - brief introduction to working with spirit guides

Working with spirit guides is probably one of the best (imo) way to start developing your spiritual self. They know you more then anyone and so, by building a relationship with them you can get a poverful insign on yourself and your everyday life stuff. Everyone has a higher being watching over and helping them, even if we don't acknowledge them.

When I first stated working with my spirit guides, there was so little information on them, that I had to simply try everything out on myself. Please, keep in mind that those informations are based on my own experiance and thus they may or may not be accurate to your own path.

What is a spirit guide?

To put it simply, it's a higher being that was a) assign to you since birth or b) assign to you for a period of time. They could come in many numbers, shapes, forms. They can be a part of some religious or spiritual practice. They could be a deity, daemon, ancestor, souls from your past life, angel, folklore spirit, elemental spirit, spirit animal or a simple spirit (honestly, I can't think of anymore types but there is probably more). Their type doesn't influence their work but you migh have to take some different approach to different beings while working with them. Do your reaserch as much as possible.

q: my spirit guide/s tell me that their are (insert type of higher being) and then they change their identity to (insert other type of higher being). Why?

That was my first ever "wall" I ancounter while starting to work with my spirit guides, and it came to my attention that many other people have the same issue. Determinating what type of spirit is never easy at the begining. It might feel like they're just messing with you and doesn't take you seriously (it felt like to me). The answer to it is simple. You get mixed signals becouse their energy is new to yours. Imagine it like this: you found a new radio with brand new funcions that you never had experiance with. You turn it on but the wave get's distorted so you can't understand many signals. You realize it's just that the handle for changing the wave fequancy is fragile so it takes you some time to get a feel to it. Take some time and don't sweat much. Talk to them and with development of your relationship the communication will become clearer.

How to meet your spirit guide/s?

There's few options to choose from and every single one is not better from the other. If you're a begginer, try everything a little bit if you can and want to but don't push yourself to do something because it's what this post tells you to do.

Meditation - you can try guided meditation or meditate without it; usually you meet your spirit guide/s in astral plane so take your time since astral projection is not easy at the begining (there's so much more to say abt astral projection so maybe I'll write a post about it)

Pendulum - quite easy to use, just use a pendulum board with it (then your answers will be more accurate). Just hold a pendulum above the board and then ask the yes or no type question. (The board doesn't have to be from wood. I use a piece of paper)

Tarot - this could take some time if you never did tarot readings (but don't let this discourage you). You could ask them for a card that represents them or that has the same energy as them (or similar)

How to communicate with spirit guide/s?

You can use methods from above, since they are quite universal. Communication with spirit guides is not so easy at the beginning but with time it gets better. What is the key to building a solid communication and relationship with your spirit guides is consistency. Try to talk to them once a day, if you have more time then meditate etc. Ask them questions (about you or them) or ask for help/clarification if you are in need of it. Be open minded and don't push anything. Be patient.

What spirit guides are for?

Clarification

Giving signs

Answering questions (only ones that concern your person)

Passing knowledge

Comfort

Help with decision making

Good companionship

Helping with witchcraft, spells etc.

Guidance for your spiritual path

If you have any questions regarding spirit guides my askbox is open :)

Lynxys

[theherocomplex]

Just curious, because I love hearing you talk about your process - how do you use your story notebooks together with Scrivener? Are the notebooks more about freewriting ideas?

If ever there was a question that was up my alley! :D I love my story notebooks. As uh is probably obvious -- so thank you for the chance to show them off!

I use my story notebooks for a few reasons (one of which is definitely that I can't resist an excuse to buy a new notebook), but they mainly operate in tandem with Scrivener. I use Scrivener for the actual writing I intend to revise and post/share, and for recording information that I've decided is most likely to be permanent canon.

The notebooks, then, are where I do most of my experimentation. It's become somewhat ritualized, which I know is ridiculous, but I love starting off a new major project by shopping for a new notebook, choosing an ink color for that project (I know), and giving that story its own identity in my head. I also like starting off every project by doing a lot of background work -- timelines, character sketches, worldbuilding, major questions that I have about the plot or setting -- so that by the time I start writing, I have a very solid grasp of the story I'm telling.

This isn't for everyone, but I find that starting the story writing by hand makes it a really pleasurable, intimate experience. As convenient as typing is, I get very wrapped up in watching my word count increase, or making sure each word is perfect, and with handwriting, I know it won't be perfect. It's not meant to be. It feels more like play than actual work, which lets me experiment and take risks I might not be able to if I was doing everything in Scrivener.

It's also great to have a notebook because I can carry my current project's notebook with me, and indulge in working on it during breaks from work or if I'm waiting for an appointment.

Working in the story notebooks is a fantastic memory exercise, too. I can't tell you how many details I might have lost because I have too many stories in my head -- but I didn't, because I wrote about them in a notebook and now that idea is in my head forever.

They're also a problem-solving tool; if I feel stuck on a section when I'm writing, I step back and write about it. It sounds a little ridiculous to write about writing, but sometimes just writing things like "I don't know why I'm so blocked on this story, I was excited about coming home to write and now I'm STUCK, why won't this scene WORK, I don't even want to write this anymore" is the key to figuring out what the story needs. Again, it's the association of the notebooks being a place of relatively low stakes and exploration that lets me figure out story issues.

If this sounds like a lot of work, it is! But, I think it's worthwhile work, because where I've ended up is a point where my drafts don't generally change that much once I start writing in Scrivener. I've done so much of the work before my fingers hit the keyboard. My drafts tend to be fairly solid and clean, and once I lock into a version I like, they don't need a lot of work at the end of the process.

(The fact that I am a very wasteful writer, who has no problem restarting a story nine times or trashing 50,000 words at a stretch, is a different matter.)

My third notebook for ALID looked like this, for the most part: some freewriting, followed by brainstorming, then more freewriting to see where the new direction was taking me.

I've also gotten more organized over the years, so I keep detailed table of contents at the beginning of the notebooks, to make finding what I need a bit easier (this is the Vam Lin TOC).

I also keep bits and pieces related to each story in the notebooks (which is why I tend toward notebooks with pocket flaps), like printed versions of commissions I've gotten, post-it notes with vague ideas that I jotted down when the notebook wasn't handy, my (terrible) sketches of characters, maps I've drawn, things like that!

Thank you for the lovely question! I hope it was what you were looking for, and I would love to hear about your (and everyone else's!) process too!