#sexuality is fluid

[poetessmuse]

The song “We’ll Never Have Sex” shouldn’t be making me feel as sick to my stomach as it does.

Something about being loved so deeply, so purely that sex simply doesn’t matter. It’s good if it happens, it’s good if it doesn’t. Being comfortable enough to express your feelings and say “No” without the anxiety rotting your brain away that your partner will “find better” or simply leave, is something I will forever crave.

Sexuality and libido are so complex and so confusing. I’m either completely repulsed or completely into it and I crave someone who understands. I crave romantic gestures that are given to me with no… hidden motive or meaning?

Being kissed just because they want to kiss me. Being held just because they want to hold me. Taking a bath together to take a bath together and be skin to skin close, connecting with one another after a tiring weak and just being loved and loving.

“Depollute me, pretty baby”

Depollute me.

[holybeejesus]

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Oh for crying out-

Yall I'm so for real right now, if I have to see one more person say something like "a Lesbian can't date a Trans man, it's disrespectful to both identities!" I will lose my goddamn mind.

The problem here is that you are conflating "Lesbian" with "only likes girls" and Trans man with "guy who previously identified as a woman". And these are both true, however there is one very important aspect you forgot while piecing these together.

Sexuality and gender identity are both fluid.

You saw the labels and logically thought "well Lesbians like girls, therefore being interested in a Trans man would be invalidating to his gender identity". But you forgot that key factor. We don't choose who we are attracted to. It's what we've been saying this whole time while the hets tell us to choose straightness.

Nobody ever falls into labels perfectly. If they did, history would be much simpler. But nobody gets to choose the way they feel. This is how these labels were formed to begin with. You think there was always a word for Nonbinary? Nope. But people explored, they learned about themselves and realized they didn't fit the bubbles that were already made.

Hell, I've had a Lesbian friend confess she had feelings for me even while I was a guy. To look her in the eyes and tell her that she's not a Lesbian anymore, that she needs to find a new label because this one isn't for her? That is what's disrespectful to her identity, not her own feelings.

I'm not saying these words don't have meaning, they do. And the distinguishment between them is very important. But like all things, they are still fluid. There is a difference between man and woman but that doesn't stop yours truly from being here.

If the fluidity of these things did not exist, many of the labels you like to force people in would not either. And once we begin adding ridged borders to what dictates who people can be, we become the same as the people who would have us dead.

[catttexsits]

i may not know my sexuality but if I end up marrying a man, I just want him to be like father mulchay

[zoyalaisobachka]

Need to touch up my hair, but felt good about myself in this shirt 👕 😆

[ghostslimu]

as much as i like the whole sentiment that being ace doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or you're traumatized, it's important to remember that there are people who identify as asexual due to being disordered or traumatized, who might also suffer from hypersexuality, and that doesn't make them any less asexual <3

[farmerlesbian]

Do you believe that sexuality can be fluid? I personally don’t belive in it, and yet am finding myself struggling with new feelings. I have gone from a homosexual trans man to a detransitioned bisexual woman, to now feeling disgust from men and only sexual attraction towards women. My life experiences seem to be disproving my theory and I’m confused.

some peoples identity changes over their lifetime, others don’t. sometimes it’s a matter of self-discovery, like figuring out who you are and finding the words for it. other times it’s your orientation is really changing over the years. it’s also worth noting that for a lot of cultures, orientation/sexuality and gender are connected and tied to one another. so when you’re discovering one, the other is being effected.

i think for me it’s not worth putting stake in one theory/model of sexuality or the other (fluid or not) since i see people having both experiences. i also understand that for a lot of people especially lesbians, the phrase “sexuality is fluid” gets used as kind of a denial of our identity. like people saying “ohhh well maybe it’ll change someday 👀 what if you find the Right Man someday??” so i absolutely get being bristly at the phrase and feeling defensive. i think it’s totally fair.

i think what i’m trying to say is don’t feel bad if your experience is lookin like your sexuality is changing over your life. you don’t need to try to fit yourself and your experience and your identity into your politics or a mold or anything. it sure sounds like your sexuality has gone through some changes, some fluidity and that’s ok. you don’t like owe the world a political theory that matches up with your own identity and experience. that’s so much pressure!! to put on yourself! some people’s sexuality is fluid, some people’s isn’t. i wouldn’t worry about it beyond that! it’s ok if your understanding of yourself changes over the course of your life 💖

[techwrecker]

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT REAL PEOPLE CANNOT ‘QUEER BAIT’. I WILL NOT BE TAKING CRITICISM.

[once-in-a-blue-moon-type-deal]

Do you ever have something that is extremely obvious to everyone but you?

I know that's a lot of people who experience that, but the people on here who know me in person will probably slap me in the face for this(I think one of them bullied me a few months ago about me liking women(in a friendly way))

But I am a lesbian I guess, the woman were just too pretty

[kentucky-daisey]

I'm very much not attracted to men, but Luke Evans can get it.

[machinedreamer]

Transphobia got me absolutely heated tonight once again so here’s a reminder in case you didn’t already know, if you believe in traditional gender roles and think there’s only two genders and believe trans people and anyone outside the “norm” should conform or die and whatever else bullshit like that, get the fuck off my page 🖕🏽

[a-bi-disaster]

im not even bisexual anymore 😭😭😭 just too lazy to think of another url. the hardest thing ever ngl.

If you haven’t changed your url in years tell me why as someone in your same boat it’s for science

[localdiscountgoth]

*sigh*

has sexuality crisis

AGAIN

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[fantasticwolfpenguin]

Someone didn’t watch the video essay about the Sims that just came out

Several of my friends who previously self-identified as bi are realizing they've lost interest in men, generally speaking

A friend of mine who's identified as a lesbian her whole life fell in love with a very sweet and shy man

I lost interest in men a few years ago, fell in love with a non-binary person, and now I give them their T shots

Life and love are unpredictable

And "queer" is a great word that all of us like and self-identify with (along with our other, more specific labels), and I love that no matter what else happens, we're still, always queer

[rrcraft-and-lore]

In addition to my Monkey Man post from earlier, the always kind & sweet Aparna Verma (author of The Phoenix King, check it out) asked that I do a thread on Hijras, & more of the history around them, South Asia, mythology (because that's my thing), & the positive inclusion of them in Monkey Man which I brought up in my gushing review.

Hijra: They are the transgender, eunuch, or intersex people in India who are officially recognized as the third sex throughout most countries in the Indian subcontinent. The trans community and history in India goes back a long way as being documented and officially recognized - far back as 12th century under the Delhi Sultanate in government records, and further back in our stories in Hinduism. The word itself is a Hindi word that's been roughly translated into English as "eunuch" commonly but it's not exactly accurate.

Hijras have been considered the third sex back in our ancient stories, and by 2014 got official recognition to identify as the third gender (neither male or female) legally. Pakistan, Nepal, Bangladesh, and India have accepted: eunuch, trans, intersex people & granted them the proper identification options on passports and other government official documents.

But let's get into some of the history surrounding the Hijra community (which for the longest time has been nomadic, and a part of India's long, rich, and sometimes, sadly, troubled history of nomadic tribes/people who have suffered a lot over the ages. Hijras and intersex people are mentioned as far back as in the Kama Sutra, as well as in the early writings of Manu Smriti in the 1st century CE (Common Era), specifically said that a third sex can exist if possessing equal male and female seed.

This concept of balancing male/female energies, seed, and halves is seen in two places in South Asian mythos/culture and connected to the Hijra history.

First, we have Aravan/Iravan (romanized) - who is also the patron deity of the transgender community. He is most commonly seen as a minor/village deity and is depicted in the Indian epic Mahabharata. Aravan is portrayed as having a heroic in the story and his self-sacrifice to the goddess Kali earns him a boon.

He requests to be married before his death. But because he is doomed to die so shortly after marriage, no one wants to marry him.

No one except Krishna, who adopts his female form Mohini (one of the legendary temptresses in mythology I've written about before) and marries him. It is through this union of male, and male presenting as female in the female form of Mohini that the seed of the Hijras is said to begun, and why the transgender community often worships Aravan and, another name for the community is Aravani - of/from Aravan.

But that's not the only place where a gender non conforming divine representation can be seen. Ardhanarishvara is the half female form of lord Shiva, the destroyer god.

Shiva combines with his consort Parvarti and creates a form that represents the balancing/union between male/female energies and physically as a perfectly split down the middle half-male half-female being. This duality in nature has long been part of South Asian culture, spiritual and philosophical beliefs, and it must be noted the sexuality/gender has often been displayed as fluid in South Asian epics and the stories. It's nothing new.

Many celestial or cosmic level beings have expressed this, and defied modern western limiting beliefs on the ideas of these themes/possibilities/forms of existence.

Ardhanarishvara signifies "totality that lies beyond duality", "bi-unity of male and female in God" and "the bisexuality and therefore the non-duality" of the Supreme Being.

Back to the Hijra community.

They have a complex and long history. Throughout time, and as commented on in the movie, Monkey Man, the Hijra community has faced ostracization, but also been incorporated into mainstream society there. During the time of the Dehli Sultanate and then later the Mughal Empire, Hijras actually served in the military and as military commanders in some records, they were also servants for wealthy households, manual laborers, political guardians, and it was seen as wise to put women under the protection of Hijras -- they often specifically served as the bodyguards and overseers of harems. A princess might be appointed a Hijra warrior to guard her.

But by the time of British colonialism, anti-Hijra laws began to come in place folded into laws against the many nomadic tribes of India (also shown in part in Monkey Man with Kid (portrayed by Dev Patel) and his family, who are possibly

one of those nomadic tribes that participated in early theater - sadly by caste often treated horribly and relegated to only the performing arts to make money (this is a guess based on the village play they were performing as no other details were given about his family).

Hijras were criminalized in 1861 by the Indian Penal Code enforced by the British and were labeled specifically as "The Hijra Problem" -- leading to an anti-Hijra campaign across the subcontinent with following laws being enacted: punishing the practices of the Hijra community, and outlawing castration (something many Hijra did to themselves). Though, it should be noted many of the laws were rarely enforced by local Indian officials/officers. But, the British made a point to further the laws against them by later adding the Criminal Tribes Act in 1871, which targeted the Hijra community along with the other nomadic Indian tribes - it subjected them to registration, tracking/monitoring, stripping them of children, and their ability to sequester themselves in their nomadic lifestyle away from the British Colonial Rule.

Today, things have changed and Hijras are being seen once again in a more positive light (though not always and this is something Monkey Man balances by what's happened to the community in a few scenes, and the heroic return/scene with Dev and his warriors). All-hijra communities exist and sort of mirror the western concept of "found families" where they are safe haven/welcoming place trans folks and those identifying as intersex.

These communities also have their own secret language known as Hijra Farsi, which is loosely based on Hindi, but consists of a unique vocabulary of at least 1,000 words.

As noted above, in 2014, the trans community received more legal rights.

Specifically: In April 2014, Justice K. S. Radhakrishnan declared transgender to be the third gender in Indian law in National Legal Services Authority v. Union of India.

Hijras, Eunuchs, apart from binary gender, be treated as "third gender" for the purpose of safeguarding their rights under Part III of our Constitution and the laws made by the Parliament and the State Legislature. Transgender persons' right to decide their self-identified gender is also upheld and the Centre and State Governments are directed to grant legal recognition of their gender identity such as male, female or as third gender.

I've included some screenshots of (some, not all, and certainly not the only/definitive reads) books people can check out about SOME of the history. Not all again. This goes back ages and even our celestial beings/creatures have/do display gender non conforming ways.

There are also films that touch on Hijra history and life. But in regards to Monkey Man, which is what started this thread particularly and being asked to comment - it is a film that positively portrayed India's third sex and normalized it in its depiction. Kid the protagonist encounters a found family of Hijras at one point in the story (no spoilers for plot) and his interactions/acceptance, living with them is just normal. There's no explaining, justifying, anything to/for the audience. It simply is. And, it's a beautiful arc of the story of Kid finding himself in their care/company.