#sexuality is fluid

[poetessmuse]

The song “We’ll Never Have Sex” shouldn’t be making me feel as sick to my stomach as it does.

Something about being loved so deeply, so purely that sex simply doesn’t matter. It’s good if it happens, it’s good if it doesn’t. Being comfortable enough to express your feelings and say “No” without the anxiety rotting your brain away that your partner will “find better” or simply leave, is something I will forever crave.

Sexuality and libido are so complex and so confusing. I’m either completely repulsed or completely into it and I crave someone who understands. I crave romantic gestures that are given to me with no… hidden motive or meaning?

Being kissed just because they want to kiss me. Being held just because they want to hold me. Taking a bath together to take a bath together and be skin to skin close, connecting with one another after a tiring weak and just being loved and loving.

“Depollute me, pretty baby”

Depollute me.

[holybeejesus]

[bigirlblues]

Hot take- sexuality is fixed and NOT fluid, it’s bullshit to say that it’s fluid and it’s bi-erasure and homophobic/lesbophobic to say it is fluid. Our sexuality is inherent to us before birth, literally in our DNA like our phenotypes. If you are bisexual, you have always been bisexual, even if you’ve experienced points of being more attracted to men or more attracted to women at various stages in your life.

I will elaborate. I simply cannot stand tropes where a character who once identified as straight “finds themself” then later comes out as lesbian or gay instead of bisexual. This is different than a character who was forced in the closet and is keeping up appearances, I’m talking about characters who crushed on or had relationships with the opposite sex. An example that comes to mind is Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Willow was outright IN LOVE with Xander, a man. Then later, when she meets Tara, she falls in love with her and comes out as “gay.” We are meant to believe she needed to find her true self, but what does that even mean? It implies you can become a lesbian, which you can’t. It also implies lesbians have to “find out” what they like, which they don’t. As a bisexual woman, I have ALWAYS been attracted to women- all my life, even though I grew up in an ultra conservative church, in the 90s when being gay or lesbian was still controversial- and always, since I was a CHILD, I have had crushes on males AND FEMALES. My bisexuality is innate. Just like being lesbian is innate. Lesbians have crushes on other females and ONLY other females. So how do people explain Willow and Xander? They might say “she THOUGHT she liked him, but she didn’t really, she was just mistaking her strong emotions of friendship for love.” Frankly, I think this is bullshit and it empowers the stereotype that bisexuals are “c o n f u s e d” gays or lesbians. Her identity doesn’t make any sense, because she was ATTRACTED to him. She fantasized about KISSING him. She was jealous of Cordelia for kissing him. To me, it’s as if you always liked chocolate cake and ate it on every birthday, then one day you say “I realized my true self, I only like vanilla cake, I only THOUGHT that I liked chocolate cake!” It makes no sense, okay? If you can have crushes on men, or sex with men, and enjoy it and love the man, you are bisexual. A lesbian has no attraction to men, but our society simply refuses to believe real lesbians exist. Again, this is lesbophobic and also bi-erasure, therefore saying “sexuality is fluid” genuinely harms wlw 🤷🏻‍♀️.

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Oh for crying out-

Yall I'm so for real right now, if I have to see one more person say something like "a Lesbian can't date a Trans man, it's disrespectful to both identities!" I will lose my goddamn mind.

The problem here is that you are conflating "Lesbian" with "only likes girls" and Trans man with "guy who previously identified as a woman". And these are both true, however there is one very important aspect you forgot while piecing these together.

Sexuality and gender identity are both fluid.

You saw the labels and logically thought "well Lesbians like girls, therefore being interested in a Trans man would be invalidating to his gender identity". But you forgot that key factor. We don't choose who we are attracted to. It's what we've been saying this whole time while the hets tell us to choose straightness.

Nobody ever falls into labels perfectly. If they did, history would be much simpler. But nobody gets to choose the way they feel. This is how these labels were formed to begin with. You think there was always a word for Nonbinary? Nope. But people explored, they learned about themselves and realized they didn't fit the bubbles that were already made.

Hell, I've had a Lesbian friend confess she had feelings for me even while I was a guy. To look her in the eyes and tell her that she's not a Lesbian anymore, that she needs to find a new label because this one isn't for her? That is what's disrespectful to her identity, not her own feelings.

I'm not saying these words don't have meaning, they do. And the distinguishment between them is very important. But like all things, they are still fluid. There is a difference between man and woman but that doesn't stop yours truly from being here.

If the fluidity of these things did not exist, many of the labels you like to force people in would not either. And once we begin adding ridged borders to what dictates who people can be, we become the same as the people who would have us dead.

[catttexsits]

i may not know my sexuality but if I end up marrying a man, I just want him to be like father mulchay

[zoyalaisobachka]

Need to touch up my hair, but felt good about myself in this shirt 👕 😆

[ghostslimu]

as much as i like the whole sentiment that being ace doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or you're traumatized, it's important to remember that there are people who identify as asexual due to being disordered or traumatized, who might also suffer from hypersexuality, and that doesn't make them any less asexual <3

[milkcan99]

"isnt unlabeled a label" pls shut up YES i have basic understanding of what a label is but you are not stopping for five seconds to create a basic understanding of my identity. ask actual questions abt what being unlabeled means instead of small brain questions about "ERMM ACTUALLY *LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER* THATS NOT VALID BECAUSE I DONT UNDERSTAND IT"

unlabeled people are fully aware that having a flag and using "unlabeled" as a gender/sexuality label seems like a paradox but just stop for a second and try to understand it beyond its name.

[farmerlesbian]

Do you believe that sexuality can be fluid? I personally don’t belive in it, and yet am finding myself struggling with new feelings. I have gone from a homosexual trans man to a detransitioned bisexual woman, to now feeling disgust from men and only sexual attraction towards women. My life experiences seem to be disproving my theory and I’m confused.

some peoples identity changes over their lifetime, others don’t. sometimes it’s a matter of self-discovery, like figuring out who you are and finding the words for it. other times it’s your orientation is really changing over the years. it’s also worth noting that for a lot of cultures, orientation/sexuality and gender are connected and tied to one another. so when you’re discovering one, the other is being effected.

i think for me it’s not worth putting stake in one theory/model of sexuality or the other (fluid or not) since i see people having both experiences. i also understand that for a lot of people especially lesbians, the phrase “sexuality is fluid” gets used as kind of a denial of our identity. like people saying “ohhh well maybe it’ll change someday 👀 what if you find the Right Man someday??” so i absolutely get being bristly at the phrase and feeling defensive. i think it’s totally fair.

i think what i’m trying to say is don’t feel bad if your experience is lookin like your sexuality is changing over your life. you don’t need to try to fit yourself and your experience and your identity into your politics or a mold or anything. it sure sounds like your sexuality has gone through some changes, some fluidity and that’s ok. you don’t like owe the world a political theory that matches up with your own identity and experience. that’s so much pressure!! to put on yourself! some people’s sexuality is fluid, some people’s isn’t. i wouldn’t worry about it beyond that! it’s ok if your understanding of yourself changes over the course of your life 💖

[once-in-a-blue-moon-type-deal]

Do you ever have something that is extremely obvious to everyone but you?

I know that's a lot of people who experience that, but the people on here who know me in person will probably slap me in the face for this(I think one of them bullied me a few months ago about me liking women(in a friendly way))

But I am a lesbian I guess, the woman were just too pretty

[kentucky-daisey]

I'm very much not attracted to men, but Luke Evans can get it.

[machinedreamer]

Transphobia got me absolutely heated tonight once again so here’s a reminder in case you didn’t already know, if you believe in traditional gender roles and think there’s only two genders and believe trans people and anyone outside the “norm” should conform or die and whatever else bullshit like that, get the fuck off my page 🖕��

[a-bi-disaster]

im not even bisexual anymore 😭😭😭 just too lazy to think of another url. the hardest thing ever ngl.

If you haven’t changed your url in years tell me why as someone in your same boat it’s for science

[bigirlblues]

You don't even think to call me OP. You come into my DMs on the day of my post and you ask me to debate you - for no counter point.

Coming at somebody with no argument beyond the hypothesis is not an argument, it’s bait. You do this, and I’ll respond with the same energy. All of my points have been laid out meticulously for you in the original post 👩🏻‍🏫 . It would do people well who want to argue with me to bring up a specific grievance. Don’t say “sexuality is fluid because sexuality is fluid.” This is called a circular argument. Say “sexuality is fluid because x, y, and z.” However, sexuality is NOT fluid.

As I’ve stated, a bisexual is a bisexual is a bisexual.

[localdiscountgoth]

*sigh*

has sexuality crisis

AGAIN

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.