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historia-vitae-magistras · 10 months

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How do you feel about nation jobs or finances in your universe? Like are modern Matt or Alfred on government payroll even if they don’t do anything? I know you’re mentioned that Alfred is better at managing his money than Matt, is he rich??

Sorry I’m not phrasing this very well 😅

This is somewhat esoteric even for me, but I tied their abilities with money to their economic histories.

Alfred was born looking pretty pathetic next to the Spanish possessions in Mexico and South America or even British holdings in the Caribbean but, in short order, made up a significant percentage of the ships, people, and wealth of the British Empire. He became that on what was primarily the efforts of private enterprise. Alfred grows up understanding he is valuable; he represents value, and his choices create value. He's easy to love because he's a goddamn cash cow for Arthur until the Seven Years War when Britain spent a shit ton and wanted the Yanks to pay their share, and we threw a bitch fit and declared independence.

Matt, however, has the French bitching about what a money hole he is from about 20 minutes after he comes into being. The Basque, by far, made the most money initially with their fishing and whaling in the east, following what was reasonably similar to the Viking routes into Newfoundland. The fur trade that drove French settlement faced collapse about a half dozen times in his childhood, and besides a short binge economy for Ginseng and its brief boom in China, his entire existence was just fur. Dead beavers and the black market. That's it.

While the US was building ships, growing cash crops, running a fur trade economy, engaging in fishing, rope making, pitch collection, barrel making and everything and anything else, in the Caribbean, they had 90+ control over sugar production and trade routes. Canada had 10% of the population and thus 10% of the market power. We didn't do shit except freeze, fire at the British, commit war crimes against the New Englanders, ditch the farms and run off to the west to make families with indigenous women and run furs up the rivers to the point that France tried to make it illegal for people to leave the settlements of Quebec City and Montreal without permission.

So from a relatively early point, Alfred is very smart with his investments, and he's been making his investments since the early 19th century, so there's a significant but often catastrophically destroyed habit of investing. When he was younger and incredibly newly independent, he got fleeced a few times, but he's called smart and secure, especially since the 1929 crash. It's not remarkably large amounts of money because he'll never completely trust the government, and he doesn't want to attract attention or pay massive amounts of taxes, so he's very well diversified. But he's certainly not poor. All his more expensive hobbies come from a particular office in the state department that Alfred sometimes cooperates with and sometimes doesn't, depending on how anti-establishment he and the public feel.

As for Matt, having spent a lot longer as a colonial subject, it's not that he's entirely shit with money but what he knew how to do. The heart of the empire was the financial hub and was outside his control long after even the Confederation in the 1860s. The money situation has been a nightmare since the earliest days of the French Regime using playing cards to pay people. Colonial America had some similar issues. The whole concept of the US dollar originated in the 1690 invasion of Quebec when the Massachusetts Bay Colony printed its own money to fund the expedition, but Alexander Hamilton did some flash economic magic for the US in this department in the 1790s, so it got its shit together long before Canada. Matt knows what he needs to know. He was stationed in various Canadian ports, keeping an eye on his father's investments, not his own.

So, in the modern day, Alfred reads his bank statements every month, keeps track of his subscriptions and bills, and probably has an accountant. Matt is more aware of Alfred's money habits than his own. Because he's over here just kind of vaguely wondering if his debit card will work because my man cannot make heads or tails of his economy (no, seriously, Canadian economists have no idea how Canada's own shit works. Sometimes it's pretty fascinating, there's often no real consensus like the US academic economist have.) And international investors in Canada are always freaking out because the Canadian economy is always getting its shit rocked by the US economy. It's hilarious to think of people in Matt's life frustratedly trying to figure out where and what his money's doing. If their health is tied to their economies, Matt's in pretty good shape, thanks to close ties to the US, but he's randomly dying reasonably often because the US economy's tiny little ripples will randomly tear him apart. It's pretty funny (laughs so I don't sob in the Canadian job market.)

And that's pretty fitting, considering that most Canadian economic policy is boiled down to 'hope the Americans are feeling cooperative next time NAFTA comes up for debate.'

#the ask box || probis pateo #Alfred and Matt || lonely boys with the longest borders #Alfred || o beautiful for spacious skies #Matthew || my country is winter #meatsack mechanics || the sociology and biology of nations

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mypulisicz · 1 year

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sparks fly - christian pulisic

you're the kind of reckless that should send me running

summary - after not ever being in love y/n finds herself tangled up in a situation with a certain american footballer.

pairing - christian pulisic x fem!reader

song inso - sparks fly (taylor swift)

warnings! - language, mention of being drunk and alcohol

word count - 1.6k

note - this is my first fic back from my hiatus and my first pic on this new account and i am more than excited to share this with you. missed u guys xx

he sat there. still.

"jamie, i'm so sorry... i just... i don't know.."

"don't what?! don't love me? y/n, a whole fucking year together and you tell me you don't feel anything?! what do you expect me to say to that? this is fucking bullshit!"

you sat there. still.

you knew that jamie always loved you more than anything, ad in your defense you thought you loved him too, but as time went on and the more time you spent with him the more you realized you never truly loved him, at least not the way you thought he deserved to be loved.

"whatever, y/n. i'm fucking leaving"

gone. another relationship gone.

you couldn't process your thoughts.

you knew what you did was wrong, but you still couldn't believe what happened.

why couldn't you love people? why did every relationship you've had feel meaningless? why do you still try to date people?

the second you got in your car to leave the restaurant you started crying. you felt bad for jamie but you also felt bad for yourself.

you always tried so hard to love, to feel something that could only be described as irrevocable admiration and not just being infatuated with someone for a short period of time.

𖤐

a few weeks went by and you were doing better.

as cliche as it sounds, you had been working on yourself and just getting back to be afloat mentally.

in fact, you had gotten an invitation to a party your friend mason was throwing.

you didn't know if you were going to go or not. mason is a football player and his social crowd is much different from yours.

after thinking about it, you thought you would go. it would be nice to get out for a weekend and just let loose a little.

𖤐

the night of the party finally came and you were feeling good. you felt confident. you felt pretty. and you felt ready to just have a good time.

you pulled up to mason's house and the house was booming with music and lit up by bright LED lights from every angle inside and outside the house.

one thing about mason is that he takes throwing a party to heart as if its his job.

if it were his job he would be getting a promotion every party because holy shit.

usually you would get just a little overwhelmed and anxious about the scene, but tonight it made you excited and it filled you with adrenaline. you made your way to the door. you first wanted to find mason and just thank him for the invite and let him know you were here.

you walked into the house and was immediately met with a giant crowd of people, and soon realized that your mission of finding mason was going to be a lot harder than you thought.

after looking for a good 10, 15 minutes you decided to give up for a little and grab some food.

there were surprisingly not that many people near the food table, so you took advantage of that to grab as much food as possible.just as you were about to leave to table, a guy who looked oddly familiar walked up.

"hungry? me too."

as lame as the comment was, you giggled a little.

"just a little"

you two exchanged awkward smiles, and you thought it would end there, but the man broke the silence with an even lamer statement.

"so, what's your favorite fruit?"

maybe it wasn't lame, but it was certainly... interesting?

"hmmm maybe an apple. they are never not good, y'know?

"yeah i totally agree..... i'm christian by the way"

"i'm y/n"

"nice to meet you, y/n"

"nice to meet you, christian"

𖤐

you spent the next hour talking to strangers and dancing. you were enjoying yourself way more than you thought you would. you did in fact find mason and you two talked for a good 20 minutes.

while you were talking to people the same guy, christian, came up to talk.

"hey stranger"

it was an ironic statement because you were, in fact, strangers.

"christian! how've you been?" one of the guys said.

from then on you just watched the conversation. it was interesting getting to know more about christian, and everyone in that group.

some more time went by and mason found his way over to you and the people you were talking to.

"oi chris, i see you met y/n"

"what's up. and yeah. she's great."

"is christian here being a dick to you or trying to start something?"

christian rolled his eyes as you sat there and let out a small chuckle.

𖤐

the party went on for a few more hours, and you were more than tired. you were very drunk and ready to just go home and get in bed.

you said goodbye to mason and the people you had met throughout the night, including christian, but right as you were about to leave you realized you couldn't drive. you were very much not sober.

"hey mase, i hate to ask you this but could you maybe drive me home, i've had way too much to drink and can't drive. not like this"

"yeah of course!"

as mass grabbed his keys christian walked up to the door to grab his jacket and disown keys.

"i thought you left?"

"yeah, well, i'm way too drunk to drive home so mason is giving me a ride."

"well i'm leaving now if you want me to just drive you home. if that's fine with you of course"

"um, yeah, sure, that's actually great, thanks!"

you got in christians car and were immediately meet with a surprising absence of awkwardness, as if you were already friends with christian.

"so where to ya live? in a non creepy way. i realize how weird that sounds to ask"

you let out a chuckle and told him where you lived and he started driving.

you two talked the entire way to your house. you had assumed he was one of masons teammates, but christian said he did in fact play for chelsea with mason. you also found out that you two had a lot in common. you both liked the same music, rap and country, which he found odd that an english girl liked country, and that you both had a bit of an obsession with chipotle. christian was also surprised to find out that you were part american. well, your dad was american, so it wasn't really that important or interesting, but christian thought it was wild.

when you finally got to your house you felt a wave of disappointment. you really enjoyed talking to christian. it was like you two had been friends for years. at least, that's how it felt.

"this might be weird to ask, but do you wanna come in?"

"sure"

christian smiled and walked in through the door, making you blush.

you fixed the both of you some microwavable taquitos and sat on the couch. you were watching a show, but not really watching it. you and christian talked for what felt like hours.

by this point you had sobered up quite a bit and you could finally start remembering the night as more than just a blur.

then it hit you that you were in your living room, eating taquitos, watching love island, with christian pulisic, who is your friend masons teammate.... and it wasn't awkward or weird.

one thing lead to another and the next thing you know, you and christian were all over each other.

there were these exploding, bright, but heavy fireworks going off between you. it was something you never felt before.

the two of you broke the kiss at the same, both gasping for air while simultaneously giggling.

you kept on thinking

holy fuck he's a good kisser.

𖤐

the next few weeks went by and you had gone on multiple dates with christian, and spent multiple nights at his house, and visa-versa.

you two had started to develop something more than just hookups and more of a relationship.

christian had invited you over to his house, which wasn't abnormal, so you didn't feel the need to get super dressed up. you but on some jeans, a sweater, and then did your hair and makeup. you then headed over to his house. christian greeted you with a kiss and wrapped his arm around your waist.

"you look good"

"thanks you too"

the two of you walked to his living room, and before being able to do or say anything, christian spoke.

"y/n, what are we?"

"huh?"

"are we just a casual thing, or are we more, because its been driving e crazy. i don't want to overwhelm you with this question, but if you don't mind, i would like an answer"

you sat there and smiled. you had been waiting for this conversation. you had been thinking the same thing, and where you didn't have a problem with being casual if that's what christian wanted, you did want to be more than just hookups and dates. you had felt something with him you hadn't felt with anyone else, including jaime.

"oh christian... i have been wanting to talk about this for a long time too"

"so? what are we?"

he moved closer to you. you moved closer to him.

faces just centimeters apart, both of you being able to feel and hear each others breathing.

"i want to be together. for real. i want to be fully with you, christian"

christian placed his hand on your cheek and moved his eyes from your eyes to your lips.

"i have never agreed with anything more in my life"

christian then placed his lips on yours in a gentle, yet eager way.

it was like you could almost see see the sparks fly.

#christian pulisic #christian pulisic x reader #christian pulisic fic #chelsea #chelsea fc #fanfic #fanfics #soccer #mypulisicz #mason mount

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mandareeboo · 9 months

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Unfinished Work #60: "Untitled" (Finished)

I never felt up to publishing this, but I've been rewatching BoJack and felt it'd be good to put here! A little goodbye to an old friend between Hollyhock and Diane.

Title: N/A

Summary: N/A

"Sorry about this," the horse said. "You're probably really busy with writer things."

"You wanna know what I was going to do before coming out on the porch to have a smoke and chat with you?" Diane asked dryly. "I was about ten seconds away from telling my husband I was going out onto the porch to have a smoke. It's not even half the inconvenience you think it is."

"Oh," she responded, and fell silent.

Diane let out a gust of lung cancer in a long, drawn-out sigh. Texas is pretty in postcards but hotter than the sun in person, with the added bonus of all sorts of creepy crawlies straight out of the official nightmare catalogue, but it's kind of nice? There's trees everywhere. Lots of open, bumpy land. The spider currently weaving its web a few feet from her isn't even venomous- it's an orb weaver of some sort. All in all, better than death.

It'd be nicer if her company talked, though.

"Let me guess," Diane prompted, making her jump. "You're Hollyhock, right?"

"Bojack told you about me?" Hollyhock asked, ignoring her question.

"He told all his friends about you. He was really excited to have family he didn't loathe with all his being."

"Oh," she repeated, softer this time.

"Relax, you're not gonna end up on his wiki page or anything. And, for what it's worth, I'm really happy to meet you in person. You're shorter than I thought you'd be."

Hollyhock looked at her hands, where her phone was situated, then back at Diane. "Bojack's told me about you, too. He talked a lot about a lot of things, but you especially."

"And that made you think I had answers?"

She shrugged helplessly.

Diane took another drag. "You want the truth? He's an asshole. Whatever you feel or suspect about him is absolutely vindicated."

"Yeah." she said. "But I miss him anyway. Isn't that... awful?"

"No? I don't think it is. I mean, the part that sucks about people is that they're more than just one thing. Sure, Bojack is a sleezy, emotionally-abusive jerk who's slept with almost every woman he's ever met, but he also sends stupid little text messages about stuff he saw on his drive home, and one time when he got drunk he sang the lollipop song and it was actually the prettiest thing ever, and he helps you pack even though he complains the whole time. He's all that shit."

"He once threw his mom's doll out a window."

"I know. He told me."

"He did?"

"He's always drunk-dialed me. Fifteen years now, and I'm his drunk-dial SOS." Diane considered her cigarette a moment. It was her first one of the day. A new record low. "I never met her, but I spoke to Beatrice twice- for his book."

"Oh, yeah, that thing. I never read it?"

"It sold alright, but it wasn't the next great American novel. Anyway, I called the retirement home to get a statement- got the phone number off of Bojack's long-time manager and friend Princess Carolyn- and called. This was before the dementia really ate up her brain- think, I dunno, almost nine years before you knew her- and she was still pretty sharp. I said, 'hi, this is Diane Nyguyen, I'm ghost-writing a novel about your son, Bojack' and she said, 'what, is he too lazy to write it himself'?"

Hollyhock winced. "Woof."

"Oh, I'm just getting started." Diane flicked some ash away. "We went in circles a bit, but eventually I laid it out for her. 'Mrs. Horseman', I said, 'I'm writing about your son's life, and as such I have called to see if you had any note-worthy stories or quotes you'd like to add'. She was pretty quiet for a minute. Then she said, 'sure, why not, I'm dying anyway. Might as well debase myself even more.' She told me all about her husband, Butterscotch-"

"Bojack never said much about him."

"There wasn't much to say, honestly. Bojack took after him and he always hated himself for it. Beatrice despised her husband for being unfaithful, bitter, and sexist. And she told me, 'now, put this in your little book, girl, and put it word-for-word. Bojack took after him, but he had the sense to be a bit quieter about it; which is a bit like saying the hissing roach is less disturbing to the eyes than the American one because it eats leaves instead of garbage. They're both insects, and they're both a waste of the paper their books were written on'." She paused. "Gotta say, she was damn eloquent."

Hollyhock winced again. "Double woof."

"It's the one story I never put into One Trick Pony. Not because I thought she'd regret saying it, or because it wouldn't fit the tone of the book, but because I knew it'd rip Bojack apart. Even back then, I was putting him above my own job. He has a way of worming into things like that." Diane stamped out the rest of the smoke, then pulled out another one. "I used to smoke like a freight train, but now it's only when I get worked up. Sorry about the second-hand."

Hollyhock was quiet again, but this time it was more pensive than anything else. "I... wrote him a letter. I actually don't even know if he read it, because he kept sending me voicemails telling me he would, but he never told me he did before I changed my number. I thought it'd be over. I thought I was moving on, but..."

"Moving on isn't the same as moving away," Diane said. "Trust me. I've packed houses before. But even now, I still find myself looking for him in the news, or thinking back to the good times we had."

"Mhmm. He tried to learn sports for me, you know? Because he wanted to cheer me on. And that still means a lot to me. But then I remember that interview, and I just... I just can't do it. I can't talk to someone who's done stuff like that."

"That's completely in your right! I know you're a grown-up, but you're still pretty young, you know? Bojack's in his fifties. His problems shouldn't be on anyone, but they especially shouldn't be on you."

"You won't tell him I came, will you? I know you're friends, but..."

"I think your definition of friendship is a bit different from us, kiddo. I mean, we haven't spoken in almost a year now. I just go see his movies, and he sends me long rambling reviews about my books, and we follow each other on social media."

"That feels like friendship," she concurred. "Mrs. Nyguyen?"

"God, don't. Diane."

"Diane. Did you and Bojack….?"

"Nope. But not because he didn't want to. I was dating when we first met, and married a good chunk of the time I lived in L.A. Now I'm married again. If I hadn't been... well, he would've tried, if nothing else."

"And you?"

She pursed her lips. "There was a time where I lived in his house and spent every day getting shitfaced drunk, and nothing skeevy happened. He'd come home, I'd be drunk and when was Bojack not drunk? We'd drink more and we'd watch reruns of Horsin' Around. I liked that. It wasn't healthy, but I liked it. And I liked him. I try not to think too hard about it, but... I dunno, honestly."

Hollyhock pulled her knees to her chest. "I came here hoping to find a way to stop missing him. Now I just miss him even more? I hate emotions."

Diane smiled. It was bittersweet. "Now you sound like a true Horseman."

#BoJack Horseman #BH Fanfic #BH Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Diane Nguyen #Hollyhock Manheim Mannheim Guerrero Robinson Zilberschlag Hsung Fonzerelli McQuack #Unfinished Work

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genuineapoptosis · 1 year

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Prolonged (Miguel O'Hara)

Characters: Miguel O'Hara x Nb!Reader

Themes: Hurt/Comfort, domestic, mental illness, control issues (or lack there of), alcohol

I genuinely made a new writing blog just for the sake of posting this. Lmao.

Grief is a nasty sort of thing. One that eats at you slowly. Like rust on metal. You don't notice it until bits and pieces start falling off and you know it won't ever be like it was before.

It's one of those nights again.

You were working late. It's always the silence that really does it for him. Creeps into his bones. Makes his stomach turn.

Miguel did try to fight it off. How pathetic it would be having another one of his episodes. Another one of his fits. You never called them that. But he did.

Isn't it funny, how when you need alcohol to fix your shit the most, it just makes it worse? He probably shouldn't have reached for the whiskey. He probably shouldn't have poured himself a glass. And he probably shouldn't have poured another.

He knew you'd be back from work soon. He knew how awful of a sight he might be now. He knew you'd just be disappointed in him. How revolting it all was at the end of the day.

Every last tragedy in his life was his own fault. And every last one that will hit him in the future shall be as well. So when eventually you get tired of his shit, he has to mentally prepare.

And then he'll be alone again. Missing every single person he lost, with the number raised slightly.

Pity is for weaklings after all. He owns up to it all.

The keys jangled as they entered into the outside lock. You were back.

You opened the front door, leaving your things in the hallway and stepping into the living room area. Only to find Miguel sitting on the sofa, staring into empty space. Next to him the evidence of his situation.

You walked in slow, immediately reaching for the bottle so you can put it away. Your action cut of by his own hand wrapping around it. Pulling it back towards him without a word.

"Love.. I thought you weren't gonna do that anymore.." You spoke softly, as if a single wrong sound could offset what you were trying to say.

"Should it matter?" He asked bluntly, placing the bottle besides him but not pouring up another glass. He has yet to turn his face towards you, still staring off.

You sigh, moving in front of him. "It matters to me. You promise you'd deal with it differently."

As if that shoved a knife into his flesh, he looked up at you. Eyes full of malice and spite. "As if you fucking care!"

He realised what he had said once the words had left his mouth. Eyes growing wide as his hands cusped his face. "I'm sorry fuck I shouldn't yell. I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry."

You knew nothing you said could help right now. How could it? This was something you knew you could never truly understand. And you could never truly help him heal.

So you just reached your arms around him, pulling him up to your chest. His body tensed at first, before he wrapped both his arms around your torso. Eventually he relaxed, but you could still feel how rapid his breathing was.

"Was it... -Again?" You spoke with a pause, unable to yet again find the right words.

He squeezes you tighter, trying to gain some stability in doing so. "...Yes..."

"It wasn't your fault." He didn't have to do anything for you to know that he didn't agree with that statement. But you had to try. For him, at least. "I wouldn't lie to you. You know this."

You losened your grip, lifting up his face by his chin so he'd properly look at you. "It's always the hardest when it's something out of our control. Because then we feel like if we tried harder, worked better, we could stop the bad things from happening."

"But you did so much. It's not your fault, love."

You knew it hadn't gotten to him on the level you hoped. But he didn't scoff this time. And he didn't push you away. And that was okay. He needed to take his time and you were willing to give him as much as he needed.

"Can we go to bed? ...Please?"

He asked and together the two of you slowly made it to the bedroom. And together the two of you held each other to sleep. And together, the two of you will make this work.

#miguel o'hara #spider man: across the spider verse #atsp #miguel o'hara x reader #my writing #miguel x reader

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that-bl-bitch · 2 years

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My Top 10 BLs Of 2022

Alrighty this was very hard to choose cause I think, for me at least, this has been probably the best year of BL I've ever had, this year were some of the best shows ever just a lot of hit after hit after hit. Unfortunately there were some shows that I had to leave out cause I was trying to keep it a strict 10:5 ratio cause even numbers but I do feel very very very good about this list regardless, it's not in a particular order cause I can't rank them for there will be tears and it doesn't include anything that I'm currently watching, only shows that ENDED in 2022

SIDENOTE: Bad Buddy is not on my list, yes I finished in 2022 but I put it on my 2021 list cause my BL watching was VERY lacking in 2021 so I started pulling from my currently watching but I refused to do that this year cause y'all know if I was between us would be on here

10. Not Me

Not me has such a strong political statement to the point of when I was watching, every couple of episodes I would go “how did they get away with this” given that it was such a current situation and they did that while also giving me family drama, amazing romances, found family and fucking so well that it wakes your twin brother out of a coma and that’s what I call a perfectly balanced series

9. The Eclipse

The eclipse has such a AMAZING message with a side of mystery, every episode was just so exciting to watch, and like before the eclipse I knew First was a really good actor from watching Not me and I thought Khaotung was great in 2gether like he was such a stand out side character but the Eclipse was NEXT LEVEL for the both of them like I knew they were really good but them in the eclipse were out of this world, as a unit they work SOOO well together but especially by themselves they are just unbelievable, and I just love a twist so when we officially found out Dika and Chaddok has been in a relationship it was just so justifying cause I knew it and we got see them fall in love, just the scene of chaddok seeing dika for the first time it was such a visually obvious “oh I just fell in love” love at first sight and I loved that

8. Vice Versa

Ok I know that this isnt everyones cup of tea but this show was EVERYTHING for me, I don't usually do magic/ supernatural/ fantasy BLs but I've been really working on that this year and saying yes to more BLs I wouldn't usually do. when I first caught wind of this show I wasn't really sure but I fell in love with Jimmy on Bad Buddy so when it was announced he was going to be staring in his own show I wanted to follow him regardless. I wasn't sure of the plot until literally the day before it came out and I thought "this might be interesting" plus Jimmy so I was down, at that point i wasn't super into sea, I had seen him in a couple of shows previously and liked him fine so I was like cool and when he was paired with Jimmy I wasn't immediately sold but when vice versa started Im pretty sure I was sold right away I really think JimmySea is what made it for me and I am unbelievably excited for their new show, I honestly think give me any plot you want with JimmySea and I will go gunhoe for it I don't care if it's bad I will be there popcorn in hand never shitting on it even a little bit

7. KinnPorsche

I remember when this was first announced and you know it kept getting pushed back and postponed for the longest time and usually with shows that go through this even a little bit you’re expectations goes down with each postponement and usually you’re right to do so cause sometimes when it finally premieres it’s not as good as you thought it was going to be so you blame the delays (I’m sure there are other reasons for it short comings but when it happens my first thought is to blame the delays) but every once while that doesn’t matter and show is even better than you thought it was going to be (see Bad Buddy, and Between Us as other examples) and that is Kinnporsche it just blew my expectations out the water I get it’s not for everyone but for me truly I loved it, I just love shows where there is just so much happening and there is just so many different storylines through out the whole series I really hope they do a second season cause there are just too many loose ends plus it’s gotta be my favorite cast I’ve never been caught up with a whole cast and for so long past it’s time of actively being on the way I am with the KP cast

6. Cherry Blossom After Winter

I love this one cause I feel like a lot of Korean BLs are very one thing is happening and the main plot is just these two people are falling in love and that's all that is happening which is great and I love that and I fully understand why most KBLs are like that with their limited time compared to other country BLs but at the time I believe this was like the first KBL I watched that had more of plot then just two people fall in love, which again is amazing and I love watching BLs like that but at the time this was very refreshing compared to the previous KBLs I had watched at the time

5. My Only 12%

I was not expecting to like this, I went back and forth on this a bunch on weather I was going to watch it, I hate high school set bls more specifically I hate them when you're constantly being reminded that it set in high school or that them being in high school is so apart of the plot and that is a lot of high school set BLs so I was wary for that reason plus I didn't really like SantaEarth as a pairing for like no reason at all I just didn't vibe with them but what had happened was a bunch of TikToks of them kept popping up in my fyp and gradually I started to love them so before it had premiered I decided to give it shot, I have this thing where sometimes I just straight don't understand some synopsis even if I read 20 times over so I had to read this a couple weeks later then I was ohhhhh and I thought it sounded so interesting and different. it gave me MAJOR itsay AND iptym vibes and I was hear for it they were in high school but it wasn't a main main focus per say and it has amazing pacing, the fact they were able to spend enough time in high school for you to really be in and understand the friendship that Santa and earth had and have them go college and have it feel natural is amazing honestly every plot point just felt very well paced and perfectly just, the only con for me was I hated it when everyone was rushing Eiw to forgive his father and stop being mad with him, it was one of the days of his moms funeral and they kept nagging him about it like let him be in his feelings for a minute, so only that was peeing me off

4. To My Star 2: Our Untold Stories

I really enjoyed how this was done with them showing us what lead to Ji Woo leaving Seo Joon and their present plus after they got back together but in a bit of a funky order I just love the reveal at the end, all these sweet moments that they were showing us through out the series that you thought were the yesteryears of them and they made you so sad the first time around then when you find out it’s after the fact you like oh my god, I just loved the journey of it all just seeing Ji Woo try to deny seo Joon and convince him that he didn’t still love him but ultimately realizing he couldnt do it and just the scenes of Seo Joon Just being like fine and finally giving up and giving Ji Woo his space and then Ji Woo shows up to finally try and they get back together in the most cute heartwarming scene ever

3. Love In The Air

Going into this I was not expecting to like this and I did not want to like this, the first episode was pretty on par with what I was expecting I didn't love it and I found myself getting very impatient and just wishing it was over but something happened inbetween episode 1 and 2 and I for some reason I got really excited about watching episode 2 and from that point on I was hooked, I enjoyed the kooky plot lines, I enjoyed the chemistry between the couples and I didn't think it was going to work and have a nice flow once I found out they were splitting the storylines in two but it worked actually so well so much so that there was some BL I was watching that I was like "I wish they'd split the storylines in two like lita did" I really just loved everything about it and obviously this includes the special episode cause Jesus Christ y'all

2. To Sir, With Love

The minute this was announced I was on board, which for me I hate a period piece but I LOVE a soap opera, my love of soap opera is greater than my hate of period pieces I was so excited for this cause I love the style of lakorns but I refuse to watch straight Thai shows and I forever wanted a gay lakorn to be made (to my knowledge idk of a another one but if you do lmk) on paper this shows has a bunch of stuffs I usually wouldn't go for with regular drama series but because this is a lakorn all the usually cons are pros, period piece? Yes thank you I'm here for it, insanely long episodes? (Which I do actually love when that happens) should have been longer, a lot of episodes? Again should have been longer, when I heard gay lakorn 22 episodes not a worry crossed my mind I was so excited to watch all 22 episodes so when they said that it was going down to 16 I was devastated but then it got bumped to 17 which isn't 22 but still good I loved everything about this show I never walked away from an episode disappointed or feeling even the slightest bit of meh, every episode was just wow, nothing about this show annoyed me at all even the things that shouldve I loved everything about this show so much but one thing I really want to highlight was the relationship between Tian and Yang the best brother relationship ever, it was so sweet and so loyal I was so scared in the beginning that Yangs mom was going to eventually get him to participate in this weird competition with Tian but no matter what she did Yang stayed committed to Tian while also not hating his mom, he didn't love the choices she made but at the end of the day that his mom, plus when he found out about Tian his immediate reaction was just concerned of the stress tian had been under for so long plus the pure giddy that poured out this man at the pure thought of getting to marry pin, I love the main couple of course and I'm so excited for Film and Jams new project and tian is a Angel baby who can do no wrong obviously but yang really stole my heart

1. Old Fashion Cupcake

This I believe was my favorite Japanese bl I watched this maybe even ever I love a story of older queer love and I love age gap so this really did it for me plus I love a show that is on the shorter side but does a really good job at pacing and timing nothing felt rushed or out of place I just love a show that is short but is so good that it makes you forget that is short, it was just so sweet and meaningful? That's not the right word but I can't think of the word I want, it gives the feeling of reading like I really good peom that you just really understand and really relate to you that just stays with forever

Honorable Mentions

5. Ghost Host, Ghost House

I don't like supernatural BLs very much so I was a bit wary going in, cause I didn't know how the ghost situation was going to be, if Plum was going to be a ghost or Kevin idk, I didn't want a "fall in love with a ghost" storyline but when it was revealed that the family were ghost I was a bit more interested and I enjoyed the Lore of the ghost/ghost world so I stuck around but with one foot out the door, I started this show with the intention of dropping it, I never planned on finishing it I didn't even put it on Mdl or anything but honestly I kept watching it cause I kept forgetting that I was supposed to drop it and then ep 4 came out and changed the game after ep 4 it just got so good and so much better than it has been previously for some reason

4. Gameboys 2

The movie and the series are the same storyline but with some different added scenes in each one and the series being more stretch out storywise, obviously but I feel like the series gives more context extra detail and more happens in the show compared to the movie there are really deep scenes/storylines in the show that seemed more movie worthy but looking back I do realize why the movie was more simple compared to the show

3. Semantic error

This was the second kbl I watched that I liked and the first kbl of 2022 for me I loved it simple as that when I finished it I was for sure going to put this on my overall list but unfortunately for semantic error this was a really good year of BL and I just didn't have the space

2. Eternal Yesterday

Every week I watched this show I was just always sad it was just this overwhelming melancholy that took over my entire being from start to finish and loved it, every week was sad and you knew how it was going to end at the finale and that was ok it was like someone was wrapping me in blanket saying "it's gonna be painful but it's ok I got you", after the last episode it was like content sigh of relief

1. KabeKoji (AKA Kabe Sa Doujin Sakka no Neko Yashiki-kun wa Shouninyokkyuu wo Kojiraseteiru)

kabekoji is soooo good and if I just had enough space this would be on my top ten this was probably my second favorite jbl I watched this year truly a didn't expect this show to go in the directions it went but there were just other shows on my top 10 I wasn't willing to remove, this show had deeper messages than what I was expecting from a manga writer and idol love show and I love shows that get adapted from comics/ mangas that keep the style and it actually works still, kabekoji had the wacky manga tropes but in live action and I loved every second of it

Rewatching

I'm not usually a person that rewatches stuff but these are the shows I'm planning on rewatching in the near future

Old fashion cupcake

Love in the air

Kinnporsche

Gameboys 2

I've watched/finished a totally of 73 QLs this year. (not including movies, single episodes or specials)

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gamergirl929 · 10 months

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Anon that keeps claiming “Ali is speaking volumes by not saying anything” she literally hasn’t said anything on it. ALI has been the one who has tried to be an adult and move on. ALI has been the one who put her team first. When the news first broke she was supposed to have a press conference, said conference was then cancelled by both Ali and the teams manager because they both care about the team and knew damn well that that press conference would turn into the “what happened? What went wrong?” gossip column instead of focusing on the team and their games. Ashlyn fans can’t grasp the fact that some of us who have been following Ashlyn since her UNC days know that Ashlyn is problematic. YOU Ashlyn fans and some of the Ali fans are the problems. Ashlyn has chosen at every possible turn to make it seem like she did nothing while Ali has been focusing on herself, THEIR kids, and her family in general. Ashlyn continues to make herself out as the victim when Ali has not said one word about her or posted anything about her. The real and true problem is Ali shouldn’t have to tell the fans to back off because if she never mentioned the divorce and Ashlyn or someone close to her did that’s on them and they should have known better than to reveal that information before one of Ali’s biggest weekends.

The heat that Ashlyn is getting is of her own making. You want to get a divorce? Fine. You want to date Sophia Bush? Fine. But the fact is there are pictures that were posted and the internet is forever you can’t just delete things and assume they aren’t circulating elsewhere. Ashlyn has and will always be an adult child because she doesn’t understand that when you do stupid things you get even stupider rewards. This is not the first time where Ashlyn has been accused of cheating by fans.

Ali not speaking on it is not a problem nor will it ever be a problem because the news 1. Did not come from her 2. Of the two parties one was still on the team while the other was literally becoming irrelevant 3. Ali posting she’s in her lemonade era is a sign she was moving on and unaffected 4. The fact that teammates who have literally been on a team with Ashlyn sided with Ali that shit should speak volumes right there 5. Maybe Ashlyn should think twice before posting similar quotes with her new girl and lastly 6. Ashlyn could have pulled the plug on the news and apologized for the timing in which it came out And made a statement that was sincere that the information was not leaked from her nor did she know that it would come out and guess what she didn’t.

So if you want to blame Ali for not saying anything go ahead but she literally does not have to if she herself didn’t release this information to the public. As for the fans they take everything to the extremes anyways so why would they even listen to her. As for me personally I used to like Ashlyn and then she had some really fun lesbian headlines before her and Ali became official, that sort of turned me off and then well her personality turned me off, but I could never be Ashlyn because whomever I marry will be treated like an absolute queen if she’s an athlete I will be the number one fans all day everyday, anything she needs I got her but if we get a divorce im sure as hell not going to let that shit be released before a big game no matter how mad we are, no matter what the situation, her and her team come first. Ashlyn should have just gone radio silent for a while but noooo she couldn’t do that for herself and let everything die down.

Sorry for my rant but we are absolutely not going to act like Ali has to say something. Nor will I sit here and listen to the Ashlyn Stan’s pretend like Ashlyn has never done terrible things before.

I couldn't have said it better myself, rant away anon, rant away, because you hit the nail right on the head.

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losfacedevil · 1 year

Text

Safe Haven S.F.K (PT 2)

a/n~ I abandoned this for a few months while I worked through the emotions this evoked in me - as it is based off my own personal story - but here’s the next installment if anyone is still interested in it!

Catch up on Part 1 Here!

She wasn’t sure what to do with herself or how she had managed to get herself into the situation that now faced her head on. Hours upon hours of talking - many hard hitting questions asked by him - had her a blubbering mess in his passengers seat as she recounted just the last few months of her life, sparing him the grave details and only confiding enough in him to get her point across.

His hand rested on her knee, his gaze dancing around the wooded area they were now parked in. She was terrified she’d be seen if they stayed downtown, voicing that fear as every grey car that drove by made her jump. He had offered to bring her to his spot - where he went when things got to be just a little too much.

“It’s secluded enough where you won’t be seen but public enough that you’ll be found if you’re murdered.” He shot her a sideways glance, smile pulling at the corner of his lips as he pulled open the passengers side door for her and motioned for her to get in.

“If that wasn’t the most contradictory statement I’ve ever heard. You’re more than welcome to take me out of my misery though.” She mumbled, slipping easily into the seat. Sam’s jaw dropped as he slammed the door shut and circled the car, slipping into the drivers seat.

“I would never.”

She picked at the skin around her fingers - a nervous habit she struggled with - as she tried to calm herself, silently cursing herself for the tears that fell so freely.

Sam’s mind reeled, not fully grasping how someone could treat anyone the way she had been treated, let alone someone they claimed to love. He huffed a sigh from his nose, grip tightening on her knee slightly as he shifted the way he was sitting. Soft hiccups emanating from her chest drew his attention back to her. Her eyes were closed, steadying her breathing.

He swallowed thickly, thoughts running through his mind at a mile a minute, unsure of what to say or do to help her feel any better. She let her head fall back against the seat, training her eyes on the ceiling as she reached up to dry her tears, a shuddering breath escaping her.

“And then today he finally kicked me out after seeing our messages. Like they weren’t even messages he should be upset over.” She shrugged her shoulders, rambling on her eyes trained on the ceiling as new tears began to form.

“He kicked you out?” Sam’s eyes grew wide, fixated on her side profile as tears slipped down the side of her face. She nodded, screwing her eyes shut as she fought back a sob that threatened to escape her.

“He told me to get my shit and get out and in the heat of the moment I did exactly that. Hummed the house key at the back of his head the whole nine. Now I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” She shrugged her shoulders, mentally calculating how many nights she could afford in a hotel before her car became her new home.

His blood began to boil, his grip on her knee unknowingly tightening as he ran through every possible scenario in his mind. How could someone throw a person out knowing they had nowhere else to go; knowing that their car was their only shelter.

A soft whimper emanated from her chest and brought him back to earth, his head whipping in her direction. Her eyes were wide, small fingers trying to pry his large ones off of her knee as the pressure he held threatened to leave bruises. Understanding and instant guilt flooded through him as he shifted in his seat, pulling his hand off of her knee quickly.

She pulled a ragged breath through her nose as she brought her hands up to cover her face, willing herself to calm down. A softly muttered ‘shit’ slipped past his lips as he reached over tentatively, gently replacing his hand on her knee and he began rubbing soothing circles into her now sore flesh.

“I’m so sorry, I got lost in my head I didn’t even realize.” He rambled on, eyes locked on her face as she removed her hands. Her eyes found his, a pleading gaze hiding behind her steeled one.

“I don’t know what to do, Sam. I have no one, nowhere to go now. I might be able to swing a few nights in a hotel but where do I go from there?”

Sam sighed, reaching up to brush the freshly fallen tears off her cheeks as he wracked his brain. He could help pay to keep her in a hotel - but she’d never accept that. A soft smile curved the corners of his lips upward, curling his index finger under her chin he tiled her head slightly waiting for her gaze to find his before beginning his rant.

“Hi.” His voice was airy, almost too soft to be heard. She cocked her head to the side slightly, eyes dancing over his prominent ones, how they turned downwards slightly at the outer corners; his eyelids hooded perfectly against his brow bone. She was now realizing how much the color resembled amber, a dark coffee colored rim sealing the amber pools away from the whites of his eyes.

“You have pretty eyes.” The thought flew from her lips before her mind had caught up. Her eyes grew wide, tucking her lips tightly between her teeth as his smile grew, a boisterous laugh rumbling from his chest.

“Well I never! I have a proposition to help you out and here you are hitting on me.” She couldn’t fight back the giggle that bloomed from her chest, one that quickly turned into a true fit of laughter.

“That wasn’t supposed to come out of my mouth.” Her giggles subsided, eyes locking with his once more.

“Now as I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted.” He quipped, pulling his hand away from her face as he sat back in his seat - readjusting himself in the process.

She watched him intently, his eyes roaming around the scenery beyond the windshield of the car as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. His mind was reeling, trying to figure out the best way to pitch his thoughts to her. His hands sat in his lap, mindlessly wringing them around each other as his held his focus on the trees. Pulling a deep breath in through her nose she leaned over, tentatively reaching out to rest her hand on his, stopping the constant motion.

His eyes snapped to hers, a smile tugging at his lips as he untangled his hands, his thumb dancing over hers in a soothing motion. Her eyes flicked down to where their hands met, watching the movement of his thumb as it shot tingles through her hand - a welcomed sensation she hadn’t felt in so long.

“Hi,” he tried again, his voice airy once more. Her gaze found his, a smile tugging as the corner of her lips as she realized just how close his face was to hers.

“Hi,” she responded, the smile on her face growing to nearly meet her eyes.

“Names Samuel, but everyone calls me Sam.” He parroted his introduction to her from the previous night and his thumb danced lightly down across her wrist, igniting more tingles through out her body.

“So I’ve heard, and what’s this Samuel have on his mind?” She asked, leaning back into her seat a bit.

“So uh, I know we’re practically strangers and I don’t want this to come off as too forward or anything but like, I have a spare room I’m not using that my brothers usually crash in. They’re not there now obviously but, it’s a warm place to stay and a comfy bed to sleep on. Or at least I think it is. But anyway please, just come stay with me. I feel terrible you’re in this place and it’s half my fault anyway. The door locks from the inside too I promise.”

The smile had fallen from her lips, pulling her hand back from his grasp as she retracted into herself. She couldn’t risk him finding her car anywhere near Sam’s place; feared what her ex might do if he knew that Sam had taken her in. She shook her head, beginning to pick at the skin around her nails to keep her focus anywhere besides his face.

“While I appreciate the offer I can’t do that. That’s such an invasion of your privacy and if my ex ever found where you are, I fear for your safety more than my own.”

Sam’s expression steeled, his hands finding purchase on the steering wheel and gripped hard - his knuckles turning white with the pressure he was holding. He shook his head, leaning back in his seat as he turned his head to her. The darkness in his eyes scared her, causing her to lean back as far as she could against the car door.

“Sam, you’re scaring me.” Her voice was barely a whisper. He shook his head, blinking a few times to clear his thoughts as his eyes softened, flicking back up to meet her gaze.

“He’d have another thing coming if he ever even thought about laying a hand on you again. I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about you.” She shrugged her shoulders relaxing back into her seat.

“Just hear me out, okay?” He questioned, treading lightly as she turned her full attention back to him.

“Hear what?” She asked.

He pulled in a deep breath through his nose, his hand finding her knee once more. He weighed his words, mentally flipping through the pros and cons of each scenario before speaking.

“I know you don’t feel safe staying with me, but I’d much prefer you did. Or hell if you don’t want to stay in the house at least stay in my car parked in my yard so I know you’re safe. You can keep the keys with you so you feel even safer. Just one night, stay in the yard and after that you can do whatever you deem necessary to stay safe and find a place to stay.”

He pulled in another deep breath, eyes gauging her reaction as she pondered over what he had just said. She so badly wanted to stay with him but feared her car being recognized - her bumper stickers were easily identifiable. But she nodded her head, eyes fluttering shut as she voiced her decision.

“One night, and then tomorrow poof I’m gone like the wind.” She mumbled, her mind focused on the soothing circles he was rubbing into the side of her knee. He breathed a sigh of relief, a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding.

“But my car stays at the bar.”

______________________

“You’re fully sure you’d rather stay out here? It’s gonna get cold tonight.”

They stood in his driveway, a pillow from the spare bed tossed into the backseat as he wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. She nodded, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she turned to face him.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be okay.” She mumbled, eyeing just how small his backseat truly was. His hands found her shoulders easily, rubbing up and down the length of her arms to warm up her cool skin.

A rumble of thunder danced across the night sky causing her to jump in his grasp and a chuckle escaped his lips as he pulled her body to him. Gently pressing her back to his front as he wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders. Her head fell back against his chest instinctively, eyes slipping shut as she melted into the warmth that radiated off of his body.

“Just come inside, it’s okay, I promise.”

She sighed, tilting her head back so she could see his face, scrunching her nose at him. He huffed a chuckle out of his nose as he gazed down at her, fighting the urge to rub his nose against hers.

“Fine, but only because it’s thundering and thunder scares me.” She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest as she straightened up, pulling out of his embrace.

“Thunder won’t hurt you, sweet girl.” He mumbled, running his hands back through his hair as he nodded in the direction of his front door.

She stood next to him timidly, pulling the blanket he had wrapped around her tighter against her shoulders as guilt started to creep into her. His hand found home on her hip, moving her slightly so he could reach into the back seat and grab the pillow he had tossed in there.

“You’re sure I’m not intruding?” Her voice was small, barely above that of a mouse and muffled around the thumb she held securely between her teeth.

Sam stood to his full height, tucking the pillow under his arm as he shook his head and slammed the car door shut. He turned to her as another rumble of thunder cracked across the sky. She visibly flinched, eyes shooting to the sky as the rain began to fall around them.

Sam watched as she let her eyes flutter shut, the cool rain littering her face with water droplets as it started to fall harder, big water droplets crashing down to the ground. He sighed, jogging to the house and quickly tossed the pillow inside before the rain drenched it before turning back to her.

“Hey! You’re gonna catch a cold playing out here, cmon!” He chuckled, standing under the small awning that adorned his door.

She shook her head, stretching her arms out as she spun in a circle, reveling in the feeling of the cool rain against her skin. He watched her intently, the smile spreading across her face a genuine one he was thrilled to see.

“Sweetheart! Come on.” Another chuckle slipped past his lips as he made his way back across the driveway. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her back flush to him.

“Now you’ve got my blanket all wet.”

She couldn’t help the giggle that slipped past her lips, hot tears racing down her cheeks as the rain continued to soak her clothes. She spun in his grasp, gaze finding his as she wrapped her arms around his middle and hid her face in his chest. He held her tight, gently spinning her and walked her backwards into his place.

#sam kiszka #sam kiszka fluff #sam kiszka angst #sam kiszka fic #sam kiszka fanfiction

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ooc-miqojak · 6 months

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It's actually incredibly nice to interact with someone who is capable of having a challenging talk when there's a miscommunication, or crossed wires, or hurt feelings. And especially since recently...I've had to deal with some real beyond-belief human beings who went out of their way to privately message me with presumptuous statements and incredibly below-the-belt insults... instead of just trying to talk like adults, and understand what was actually going on in the situations they were making assumptions about.

Imagine you're enjoying your morning - watching birds, playing with your cats, shopping for a beginner's embroidery kit because you want to learn a new skill and be creative, and you're enjoying the first real sunshine in about 9 months...you're delighted that your seasonal depression might be lifting at last! And two complete strangers start making assumptions about you, and saying the world's most cruel, and unhinged shit in your DMs, and you have no idea who one of them even is! One of them tries to claim 'you just hate everything' because you confided in said person that they said something that was frustrating and hurtful to you - but enjoying your day, and everything about it except the condescending remark they made... means 'you hate everything,' apparently. Now imagine the refreshing delight of, a day later, someone else you barely know coming to you in your DMs... in good faith to clear the air about a misunderstanding! You're allowed to see where they were coming from, and you're allowed to explain your POV and why you did what you did, and there's a chance for understanding, growth, and kindness! There's no one I respect more than a person capable of having those kinds of difficult/challenging discussions, because they're the hard ones. It's a lot easier to point the finger, and assume one side of a discussion or argument is correct... that one is 'good/right,' and one is 'evil/wrong' - but that's not life. There's two sides to every story, and the only way for us to grow as people is to discuss what happened, and learn from it. I'm glad I got to see this person's POV, and I'm glad I got to apologize for assuming they were doing something hurtful at the time. I couldn't have known where they were coming from, if they didn't explain it to me, though! And similarly, they may have thought I was acting out of malice, if I'd never gotten to speak on how I viewed things on my end!

I love it when people are mature enough to sit through a challenging talk, and understand the other person - it takes courage, and it takes maturity. And my ND means that I appreciate people being very direct and honest - and so I am, as well. (I actually really struggle to lie about anything...ever. It's like a physical discomfort. And deeply, deeply upsetting if I'm the one lied to, or about.) Some people are intimidated by that, I guess, but you can't understand the other person, nor what went wrong... if you aren't direct and honest! PLUS...there's always the chance that you become BETTER friends after a hard talk, because it gives you insight and understanding of one another that you lacked before! Difficult talks don't have to be a bad thing just because they're challenging, or intimidating to go into.

#emotional maturity #there's few things better #and when I was hurt several weeks ago by another person...this was all I was asking for #asking repeatedly why I was being talked down to/was being told I did something wrong was me trying to have a constructive conversation #asking for clarification is neither childish nor 'arguing' - it's trying to understand a situation better...esp since some people are ND #and we don't all perceive/understand things the same way (ppl love to apply subtext to my words - & I don't use subtext - ever)#I say what I mean bc it's too confusing for EVERYONE if you don't!#but if someone calls an emotionally mature response to a mild conflict 'childish'? Get out -fast.- Gaslighting is a no-go.#being able to talk about hurt feelings/miscommunications without name-calling and finger-pointing is so rare these days #people take everything so personally that they can't see that more often than not...NO one is at fault and it was all a misunderstanding

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my-mt-heart · 9 months

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I have a hypothetical question. When you have two relatively famous people with a solid fanbase and you want to do a project with them. You're using their names to promote the project even before certain plans were made. You're using the current project to hype the new one, with interviews, maybe callbacks and you work hard to achieve the best possible foundation for your new project for bigger profits, right?

It happened as soon as they announced the SO.

What might have been the reason to push one out? There was always the possibility to loose the hype, a solid fanbase and might lessening the profit?

The first announcement said, "creative decision". What might that mean?

They thought one main character might be more favorable? They wrote the storyline and thought, it's not what we envisioned? The two main cast members wanted different routes, different storylines and wouldn't find a common ground? (Would back up the rumors months before announcement)

The second statement was "relocating became impossible". Well, the plan was always different, for years and was published and mentioned multiple times even in the main show.

Why would they take such a risk and not fight for a better solution and then continuing with one person? Why?

Then the surprising announcement of yet another show...

The first 8 months of 2022 were just a weird collection of wrong choices and especially bad PR. (Which doesn't seem to end)

Hypothetical, what must happen to make such a decisions? I don't understand why someone thought it was a bright idea? Saving money (millions) for another project? Favorising one star for his creative imput and more freedom story and location wise? Someone who stated he wouldn't do it without his best buddy? (Obviously not his co-star)

Why would anyone take the risk?

If MMB had backed out, she would have to pay a shit ton of money at that point. Wouldn't she have been more supportive with a fair deal?

I don't understand the logic? Have you heard of something similar before? How did that play out?

There's nothing hypothetical or similar about what happened to the original spinoff. It's a unique situation that was handled extremely unprofessionally.

Here's Gimple's explanation of what he thinks a "creative" decision is (From the NYCC press conference in October):

For the record, everything he says is a smokescreen. There is no creative reason to write Carol out if Melissa already signed on. He's just rationalizing why he didn't want Melissa in S1, why he had no use for her in S1. A creative decision, as opposed to creative differences, is not something any PR team would approve of, hence why TVLine amended it after breaking the story.

The location issue is the reason both AMC and Melissa's team legally agreed to, but it falsely assumes every fan who reads that doesn't understand how contracts work. Unless there was a medical emergency/illness, which there was not, the only way she could back out is if AMC wanted her out. They bought whatever misogynistic bullshit the EPs tried to sell them, misreading the market themselves, probably because they failed to do any real market research at all just like with the title. They thought Daryl was the most essential character. They not only pushed out Melissa, but also a highly profitable fanbase they had in Caryl fans. The backlash and the numbers for S1 should've been a huge eye-opener, but even with Melissa back now, a lot of Carol/Caryl fans are still being alienated with ridiculous comments like Gimple's above, and things that Norman, Nicotero, and Zabel are saying as well.

So, anon, if your main question is how are all these decisions being made, the answer is pettiness, ego, misogyny, and poor business ethics. As others have said, I was so hopeful it would all end with Melissa's return, but that's not what I'm seeing.

#caryl #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #darylneedscarol #twd caryl #the book of carol

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girlongirlactionatadistance · 2 years

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I’ve been trying to come up with an inoffensive way to say that I think part of the difference in cultures between my former and current workplaces is due to the staff of the former being mostly men, and the latter being mostly women, but. Anyway.

I used to work for a company that did construction takeoffs and estimates. It was fun at times because I got to apply some things I’m studying in school and there was a strong problem solving component. Literally one woman in my whole office tho. In a senior position, so not with zero influence, but still.

Now I work as a unit clerk in a NICU. Other than attending docs, there are like five men total on staff, but on a given night I’ll be one of two or three actually scheduled.

Some of my own values have actually changed working this job, and not in ways that I think could be chalked up to general differences between the medical field and the construction industry.

For example, to make an almost inordinately broad statement, the women I now work with value making things nice. Value being the operative word. It’s not a waste of time or effort to them to make anything more pleasant or comfortable. I was literally raised - not even subtextually conditioned, like explicitly taught - to think caring about stuff like this was frivolous. And the more serious the situation, the more frivolous. Running to silliness, naïveté, and poor judgment in the limit. Converging towards possibly dangerous.

Yeah, that is actually all backwards.

It turns out healthcare is kind of a uniquely optimal setting for proving principles like that. The way things really work is, the more serious the situation, the more impact any slight kindness or conscientiousness, any little improvement that can be made, will have. It becomes huge. It’s clearly evident in outcomes for patients and in the way the unit functions.

It took me a while to learn this. It annoyed me at first. Then one day someone borrowed my desk and filled my pen jar up with new pens before leaving. I realized being annoyed was gaining me nothing. I was just scoffing internally at the “woman’s touch” all over the unit while benefitting from it in ways that were in some cases literally right in front of me.

Actually come to think of it, and idk what this means, but I think the first person who was probably trying to teach me about this “making things nice” principle was a man. Someone I consider my most influential climbing mentor in fact. In his late 60’s this guy lead me and a couple others up the emmons glacier on mt rainier. It was my first climb on a glaciated peak and it’s funny in retrospect how much I underestimated it. So, this guy baked us all cookies. Each of us got a bag of the crispiest, laciest, most delicate oatmeal cookies I’ve ever had. “Bring a treat on every climb,” he told us, “or you’re going too light and too fast.” I can’t explain how good those cookies were after a day of hopelessly strenuous climbing, looking forward to a freeze dried dinner and a night on a crowded, dirty spit of crumbly rock. Or how much easier everything seemed with the uptick in morale.

So what is my point? I think it’s that misogyny is bad for you. Maybe not for your demographic, but for you on the scale of little actions that you probably have not been taught to appreciate can make things way harder or way easier for you. Or for somebody else. Don’t give women shit for doing the stuff they do to make things nicer for everybody. Society literally conditions them that way and then teaches us that it’s just ~girl stuff~ and men should be too tough to care. Do you know how much better my old office would have run if we’d been more oriented towards picking up each other’s slack when it was needed? Towards anticipating that need? Sports metaphors. I could make sports metaphors about this.

Then again maybe it’s bad on the demographic scale, too. It’s not like my female-dominated workplace is utopia, it just has some things men’s spaces often don’t. To put my male feminist hat back on, I think the misogynist desire to control and pigeon-hole women into this role of sole-emotional-laborer arises because men obvs do need the kind of support that goes around in women’s spaces. We’re just not up for doing those things for each other. We don’t believe that we’d be better off if we were more like women.

#live-blogging my feminist awakening #feminism is the radical notion that men are people #climbing?

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8o--o8-deactivated20220523 · 1 year

Text

The tale of two YouTubers making different predictions about the live action adaptations of one piece

There's this one YouTuber who's videos I watch from time to time and he made a video talking about the very first trailer for the live action adaptation of one piece and he was merciless, ripped it a new one in a very funny manner and basically said "yeah this is gonna be awful and everyone's going to hate it", he kept comparing to the Mike Myers cat in the hat movie, overall very entertaining video recommend it

Here's the thing he doesn't usually talk about Anime and he doesn't give a single shit about one piece, he usually talks about shitty horror movies on that channel, that's his thing

literally just made that video for no reason other than that that trailer irked him

Now usually saying "yeah this live action anime thing is going to be Garbo" is a safe prediction, easy dunk but from the reactions of early screenings and journalists it looks like this might be the one that works?

And you know it's all personal taste at the end of the day so if he dislikes it his prediction is still gonna be kinda true and that show might still turn out to be garbage on the same level as Netflix Bebop

It's just I'm going to feel bad for him if that show is received well, because saying "the live action one piece adaptation is going to suck" (removed from all the context we have) is a statement that feels so inherently true, such a no brainer and saying that with confidence feels like such a low stakes situation that I can't blame anyone for saying it

Like can you imagine the level of damage you'd experience if you were a YouTuber who makes Videos where you say "this Media sucks im going to make fun of it" and your takes are genuinely well argued and your jokes are really funny but the video were you said "the live action adaptation of one piece is going to suck" is the one that ages badly and you went out of your way to make that ?

I am being overly dramatic and the guy doesn't really have a big ego so he would probably find it funny but if I were in his shoes there'd be at least a little part of me that would go "goddammit"

On the other hand

There's this YouTuber who makes Videos about Anime usually so eventually he was going to talk about it and he made Videos about live action anime adaptations before so him saying that that show is probably going to be crap is expected

But he didn't do that, a year or so before any kind of trailer or promotional video came out thid guy, who knows what to expect from these, makes a video where he says that the live action adaptation of one piece is going to be the one that gets it right

And he keeps sticking to that opinion, doubling down on it

Now it would be very funny if this person (who knows better he, made a video where he ranked every single American live action Anime adaptation) says the One Piece live action is going to be good and then like everyone else expects it sucks

And I really want him to be right because, can you imagine winning that bet

Saying "The live action adaptation of one piece is going to be celebrated" and being right!?

Like holy shit thats the kind of bet that's so insane I want him to just succeed

So yeah who ever is right there's going to be one I will feel kinda bad for

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actualtext · 2 years

Text

Jan 30, 2023

Cailee Catastrophy

Background- I told Cailee I wanted to visit before making my choice to like check the vibe to see if I liked it. I asked her probably over a month in advance, to which she responded by letting me know she wouldnt know her work schedule until two weeks before. Deep down inside, I knew the plane tickets were going to be way higher in price, but I said "fuck it" and asked her to let me know when she got her schedule. I responded by letting her know that I wasn't able to find any cheap flights, at least not in my price range. I told her previously that I would need until February to let her know if I was or wasn't going to go for sure, but it was Jan 21st and I felt like the flights not working out was kind of a sign, and that I knew what my answer was. I went ahead and told her that I wasnt going to go after all and that I wanted to tell her sooner rather than making her wait till February. It didn't seem fair to keep that to myself until then. She didn't respond, so the next day I asked if she was okay. (You know this part) I'm just going to copy our texts here because what happened was weird. It's like nothing escalated to a huge thing and I blame the lack of tone in text. Anything in brackets [ ] is something that wasn't in the text, but that I added for better understanding or to make a statement.

Sat, Jan 22

ME: Cailee? You okay?

Cailee: Um I need a little bit I havent really been okay and haven't known what to say at all

ME: Okay, I understand, I'll be here. 💖 🥺

Fri, Jan 27

Cailee: Hey I still don't quite know what to say, like I've been really just upse about this while situation, not because you decided not to come, but because you made it seem like you were coming. And I just kept beling like no lol she's not coming but you kept being so so like adament about it and so sure and I wish you never put that idea into my head if you weren't sure, it's frustrating to be in the situation I am in and then someone like essentially gets your hopes up for months and then is like yeah no, I muean just like I thought, but towards the end you barely checked for flights like 2 weeks before you wouldn've came up here and I was like yearh she procrastinated on it casue it wasn't important to her. Originally I was just real mad abot having been through this whole situation and the measurments of the rooms I took and then moving stuff out of the room you wanted because it was important to you and I was trying to et myself to stop being so stubborn and trying to learn from how I was being.

Umm im not doing well at all and that doesn't have anything to do with you. I was pretty devastated when I got the news fom you and all I've wanted to do is hide from texting you or saying anything becasue like i'm just really upset and alone and isolated and depressed and confronting that realization that nobody is coming up here with me adds to that entire thing. Winter up here is extremely rough, you would not believe. And saying anything, especially trying to gather my thoughts enough to say something nice or comforting or accepting was too much, or I mean it still is too much. My mental health has been bad since the shit with clarissa [her old roommate] happened and I often think about suicide here and still when I was there [in Texas]

You don't have to say anything to like idk console this or make it better becasue it is exactly what it is and it happened exactly how the world wanted it to happen for the better or for worse

I just wish things were different and that I didnt' have to feel this every second of everyday

You coming was essentially becoming my little tiny glimmer of hope and it's gone now. And I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty or regret your decision, it's just exactl how I feel and how I've felt for a while now.

I hope Texas is the brightest ray of sun in your life because I sure miss it and everyone in it with all my heart

[high key, should have just left it, but I felt like she was accusing me of not being honest with her, and I wanted to clarify that but it ended up turning into so much more.]

Sat, Jan 28

ME: I was sure at first that I was going to move in wit you in indiana. I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't going to go. Initially, it seemed like a for sure thing. Until you started trying to dictate my choices. As time went on (our last conversation), I realized that our communication styles were completely different [should have prepared me for this], and you dropped news that I felt shoudl have been divulged before the decision to move. The bottom line is that I figured our that it wouldn't be the smartest idea to move to indiana. I even told you I needed time to think about it becasue things had changed, and that I no longer felt sure. So please don't tell me that after repeating "I've been planning on doing this all on my own anyways" when I told you I had to think about it, you were finally hopeful. Casue that would just be so silly. You even told me you had been preparing to do it all on your own since the get go, during our last conversation.

I checked for flights a whole month in advance. You were the one who said "I won't know my scheduel until two weeks before" which made me ahve to hold off on buying plane tickets. I was taking your schedule into consideration because you were the one who said you don't deal well with change. I didn't wanna just show up while you were busy. I was trying to be considerate. Something that you have hardly done in this situation, and apparently only did so after you thought there was a chance I would no longer be going. It was too late by then, Cailee.

You're not the only one not doing well, my dude. Please try to remember that. I genuinely hate that you're feeling like this but It wont get better until you go get some help.

I know I came off as stern in the beginning, but your first message was nothing but attacks.

As for being your glimmer, you were the one who told me that you didn't want to be responsible for me liking or disliking indiana or be responsible for my happiness. You should have put that on me, or at the very least, you shoud have been honest about how you were feeling beforehand so that I could have talked you don rather than being adamant. I was adamant because I was excited. As time went on, I becasme less excited. Imagine the prospect of moving to a whole new state thinking its gonna be cool af cause that's your friend [over there], and then your friends starts being bossy/dictating. It doesn't make you feel so welcome. Especially when your friend keeps repeasting how she can always do this without you. Do it without me then. I don'y want to be in Texas, but I dont want to be alone in indiana more than I don't wanna be here.

Cailee: U know what I see where ur coming from. ur right and I'm sorry, but we both need to see each others side, and what I said to you wasn't an attack but I was expressing my feelings about the situation nothing more

Me: "I wish you had never gotten my hopes up"

I didn't do that

That's an accusation

I was transparent thw whole time

I also didn't make you wait until February to tell you my decision

Cailee: Uh I mean you did get my hopes up like quite literally like the way you talked about it, that's not an accusation either it's like literally true, my hopes were in fact up by the way you talked about coming and how sure you were

Me: becasue I was

and once I wasn't

I let you know

Cailee: Ok so like that's true though. Whatever set ou off about my personality happened eventally right but maybe for about two months you were super sure you were coming, according to you

Me: Yeah cause I totally was

I told everyone including my family [to explain how serious I in fact was]

Cailee: It's like okay that I'm bummed out about that, like I'm allowed to feel what I feel, It doesn't have to be like who's fault it is type of deal. It's a shitty situation at the end

It's probably about 50/50 both sides my guy

Nobody has to like win or be right about it

Cause I told my family too like I did the same shit to prepare that you did except I was already here for months and I'd already done what u were about to do

Sun, Jan 28

Me: When I asked you for the measurements [refering to her first message during which I felt attacked], I was in ikea. So please stop thinking I wasn't serious cause I was literally ready to buy furniture that would fit in either room. I talked to my therapist about the situation and I got multiple opinions. Ultimately, I decided for myself that It wouldnt be good for my mental health to go to a place that I only had one form of support that was rocky in and of itssef.

I mentioned telling everyone about the move to show you how sure I was. You may have told your family but your family was already there. If I needed financial assistance [like cailee did in the beginning], would your mom have pitched in to help me? [like she did for cailee] No. She doesn't even know who I am because we never did that zoom call I asked you for dring the first month you arrived. Me moving there and you moving here are two very different things, so please don't compare them.

You told me you were prepared to do it alone, so your hopes shouldnt have been up. Remember, I told you "It's good that you're mentally preparing to do it alone because it's smart and it doesn't put pressure on me to go" this was around the time I said I wasn't for sure anymore. I did my part by letting you know, so your hopes shouldn't have been high after that becasue I had told you I wasn't so sure.

Aside from me doing my part by being fully transparent with you, I'm also not in charge of your feeling. I didn't get your hopes up. You did, by continuing to think that I'm[didnt mean to say I'm] everything was for sure even after I told you it wasn't. Aside from that someone who is really mentally prepared to do it alone wouldn't be feeling bummed or blaming me for their sour mood. Someone who is actually prepared to do it alone probably would have said something like "dang, I was really looking forward to it, but thanks for letting me know" and then moved on.

As you said, no one has to be right or wrong, but literally everything you said about me doing was in response to something you did/said. The way you went about things influenced me [to] not want to go anymore. And if you had been honest with me about how you were really feeling, letting me know that your hopes were high instead of playing it down like you were okay doing it solo, I could have helped and talked you down but it's too late for that.

You went for your mental health, I decided to stay for mine. Your feelings are valid, Cailee, but this is what it is. I'm not going. Feel what you need to feel but don't blame me. Not even 50/50.

I never once said "man, now I have to sta in Texas casue cailee turned out to not be the ideal roommate for me" never. Because I'm in charge of my feelings, and while your actions influenced my decision, I was the one who made it. I might have felt let down and sad that my moving plans fell through, because I did genuinly want to go, but I never blamed you for that.

I might not want to be here, but I don't want to be anywhere else I'd end up feeling alone anyways. At the very least, I have a wonderful support system.

I hope you feel better and find other flinmmers of hope becasue I know what it's like to feel let down and alone.

I'm still your friend, cailee, but I'm not taking the blame for somethinf that isn't my fault. It was a decision I made, that you made me believe you were okay with.

I'm sorry your hopes were high and that I let you down by not going. Please believe me when I said the exact same thing happened to me. Lets move past this. :/

Cailee: Ok just you send a thousand word message saying basically it's completely my fault is actually ridiculous after I literally apologized and was ready to drop it dude like stop carying on with this shit and if you're not gonna admit any of this was your fault and play thw whole "everything is much worse for me and my situatio is harder than yours" like no dude just drop it, it's already been over but u keep carrying on and on and "it's not my fault it's yours and you did this to yourself" You can be right if you want to and always get the last word in and let me know how much u think it's my fault again and again but I'm literally not interested in that because I apologized already and already admitted at the very least half was on me and you cant stop explaining that to me in 100000 word texts for some reason like please dude just stop it like why do you need to add "not even 50/50" just own up to your part this shits a two way street and that entire text you sent is completely not necessary dude.

Me: Cailee, that's not even what I'm saying. I specifically said I didnt blame you.

why does it upset you that I said you were in charge of your feelings?

And I simply asked you not to compare out situations, that mine was worse.

Not that*

You have help up there

I wouldn't

It's a fact

Cailee: Like I literally talked to a friend and she explained it to me and told me I was wrong and that it was half and half from her perspective and told me where I went wrong and was like oh shit ok thank you for that and then tried to apologize to you like minutes after

and then you just kept arguing after that

Me: I didn't want to respond right away because I was feeling emotional

I didn't want to like bark at you

Cailee: Like idk what to say anymore st this point this shit don't need to be a blame game dude

Me: Agian, I literally said I don't blame you lmao

So...?

Are you intentional misreading or what?

Cailee: I mean read all of the texts you sent ne about not doing this and falling through on that

Me: Intentional*

When did I say you fell through?

Cailee: *screenshot* (me:) If I needed financial assistance [like cailee did in the beginning], would your mom have pitched in to help me? [like she did for cailee] No. She doesn't even know who I am because we never did that zoom call I asked you for dring the first month you arrived.

Me: The zoom call?

If thats the one thing that [you] fell through on, it doesn't even matter. The point was that I didn't know your family who literally helped you financially, who probably wouldn't help me if I needed it cause they dont know me.

Caille: Cause I stopped saying you did this and this and this wrong after I apologized and literally was like you now what ur right about some things

Me: Those two first messages were about you understanding and not comparing like you did in the message before mine.

I don't need an apology though

Cause like it's not your fault?

I made a decision, and I wanted your [meant you] to understand why it wasn't my fault that you felt how you do

It breaks it down

It wasn't my fault that you feel the way you do regarding me***

Cailee: No dude u apologize when u make mistakes and own up to that shit entirely it's how I was raised and live my life cause I need people to understand that I am listening trying to actively learn from what happened and that I'm not too prideful to hold onto being right essentially Me: [cont. of what I was saying] Specifically cause we all have their [meant other] things going on.

[in response to her most recent text] S then why did you apologize? What mistake did your felt [meant friend [who said it was 50/50]] help you see that you made?

Your friend*

Cailee: What? Like the whole text thread she was like ok she's right about this here and she did tell u she wasn't sure and she's right u shoudn't have gotten ur hopes up and all that shit

Me: And what mistake did I make that you feel like I should apologize for?

I apologized for letting you down.

That's genuine.

Cailee: WTF am I gonna do "no it's not my fault" to you? That shit is so childish like own up dude it's a two way street

Me: Think about what I asked please

What mistake did I make tha tyou feel like I should apologize for?

Before the text today you felt that already

Explain to me what it was

Why did your friend think it was. 50/59?

50/50*

Cailee: Okay I'm not gonna continue this conversation there's nothing I can do for you at this point. When I apologized I didn't make you tell me why it was necessary to me, I read your texts over and over and then asked my friend for advice and input and then apologized. You can do the same or just not at all whatever but there's nothing else I can add to any of this. I am done with this argument

Me: [totally violating the fact that she was done] You could anwer my questions.... I'm just asking for clarification to help me understand where you're coming from because I clearly don't understand. But if you're unwilling to, there's nothing I can do either. Maybe you could ask your friend for advice [I was making a genuine suggestion, becasue cailee has specifically told me she needs advice on almost everything and I wanted to hear what her friend had to say, since cailee apparently didn't know what she wanted me to apologize to her for].

It's called emotional reasponsibility, by the way. If you're interested in knowing more, theres's articles on it if you do a Google search. We are in charge of our own emotions, even the shitty ones. [before this, I did a google search for "are we responsible for our own emotions" becase I wanted to provide proof and reading this after the occurrance, I see how it can sound sassy- which at the time I coudn't perceive because it wasnt the tone I had in my head while typing it]

Cailee: Jesus fuckin Christ dude lmfao I am so happy for you that you got the last word in and continue to have snappy comebacks even after I have stated over and over and over again that I'm done and literally tried to move past it. It's so incredibly rude that you just told me I can ask my friend for advice again because you still will not let go of the fact that maybe just maybe you played a part in this entire bullshit argument. Grow up Jesus Christ man you BEEN crossed a line with this hit do not belittle me deflect it to something being wrong with me and the way I porocess things and that I'm just crazy and emotionally unstable bro. Give it time and cognitively think about ur part in an argument or don't, which clearly u wont. Either way I'm done with this.

Me: *invisible ink* [Accidentally, this part wasnt supposed to be invisible] Dont respond or even read this if you dont want to

Fuck wrong one

*invisible ink* [correctly this time] [I sent it invisibly so that she could choose when to read it] (calmly)This totally sucks because I'm just trying to communicate through this issue and you're blowing up instead of trying to help me understand (the original part of this argument which has morphed into so much more). You have me put in this very negative light, and it's making you read my text tone as snappy which is upsetting you and making it harder for us to talk through this.

My texts aren't even meant to sound snappy, I promise. I've added feeling words to help cause text is hard to hear tone in. This is normal and happens to even me, I'm not trying to belittle you. I swear. I've never called or thoguht of you as crazy, by the way.

(calmly) It's not about me getting the last work. I promise, cailee. That's not something that important to me. What is important to me is communicating through issues to resolve them rather than acting emotionally (Which, no offence but, you are with your caps locks and calling me childish).

(calmly). I told you what I wanted which was for you to answer the question and to help me understand but you eep sayin everything and attacking me rather and [I meant than] ansering the question. I know you didn't ask that of me, but I'm asking it of you. I'm asking for you to let me know what mistake I made so that I can understand what I need to apologize for.

I brought up your friend cause she was the one who said it was 50/50 [our fault], so maybe she would be able to provide some insight. If anything [i] want to have this conversation with her too, to include her, not to be rude, none of this is meant to be rude, or belittling, cailee. You could bring your sister in too, and again, I'm not saying that to be rude

(softly) You keep telling me to grow up, but I'm just trying to communicate. I'm not trying to deflect anything, i'm trying to dig deeper and find a resolution.

I know that you done and I respect that [a little too late]. You don't have to respond. If you ever wanna help me understand or have this conversation with your sister/friend I'll be here.

There ignore that second one till your ready. But the first ones not upsetting, it shouldn't be

Typing this out made me realize a few things. I understand I'm also at a wrong becasue theres something (that I don't know yet) that I need to apologize for. I'm not appologizing for "getting her hopes up" though because I know for fact that I didn't do that. I feel like I should say sorry for not showing more empathy when responding to messages in which I felt attacked, or that I needed to explain. This is my friend and I totally let my emotions get the best of me and then tried to do damage control. I feel really bad for upsetting her, but it was you who told me I wasn't in charge of her emotions. I feel like I dodged a bullet by not going up there because if this was her response to my one decision, I wonder what living with her would have been like. This has been a long stressful drawn out experience that I'm glad is over, but still sad that it may or may not cost me a friendship. When she was texting me, I was shaking with so much emotion, even at the end. This was something that was really affecting me and I don't think I realized it till tonight.

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janeeyreheresy · 2 years

Text

The Escape

Jane says goodbye to Rochester and leaves the room. This night, she gets some sleep.

It was yet night, but July nights are short: soon after midnight, dawn comes.

Okay, so yesterday the sky was still ruddy at eight, but today it dawns shortly after midnight?

Neither one of those statements is true. Sun rises at around four o'clock in July.

She gets up, packs a few belongings into a parcel, but leaves the pearl necklace Rochester gave her. He "forced her to accept it", as she puts it. She doesn't feel it's hers, because it was supposed to be for a bride that never was.

So what? Just fucking take it!!!

FOR GODSSAKE YOU'RE NOT A WHORE FOR ACCEPTING A NECKLACE FROM A MAN! I promise you, Jane, you're not. You're not an English Celine Varens.

She comes out of her room, passing on the way the rooms of Mrs Fairfax and Adele, bidding them silent farewells. She stops outside Rochester's chamber. She can tell he's up, pacing the room. She resists the temptation to go in and continues on her way. Using the side door from the kitchen, and oiling the lock and the key as to not make noise, she walks out of Thornfield. Finding a wicket gate that's only latched, not locked, she's out of the grounds.

Blimey. Her departure is almost like an act of a person running from an abusive relationship. At the crack of dawn, putting every effort into being quiet and unobserved by anyone. Damn, you'd be forgiven for thinking Rochester was a monster.

I wonder what Lundy Bancroft would make of this.

Anyway. She out. She's leaving Thornfield. She's walking out of there. She finally runs!

She chooses the road not travelled, the one that leads in the opposite way from Millcote. On she walks, tormented by the thoughts of Rochester, hating herself for abandoning him. She's done the right thing, of course, but the aftermath of Rochester's gaslighting makes her think she's the bad guy. She's already heartbroken and in pain, as anyone who had to leave the person they loved because they couldn't be together would be. She doesn't need the guilt on top of it.

I had injured—wounded—left my master. I was hateful in my own eyes.

Initially I typed something along the lines of "gods, this woman, for once she does something sensible and can't even be content with it" but then I realised that she thinks that way because Rochester made her think that way. But for the love of gods, stop with the fucking "master" shit. What is he, Obi-Wan Kenobi???

It won't surprise you that she's crying as she's going. She must be Sahara dry by now.

She sees a coach approaching and hails it. She asks the driver where's he's headed. He names a place far away, where she knows Rochester has no connections. The fare is thirty shillings. She only has twenty. The driver says he would make do and lets her inside. The coach rolls on its way.

Why... why does she spend all her money on a coach fare? I get that she didn't have any time to plan her escape, but come on... Isn't money the first thing you consider when going on the run?

Was There a Better Way?

It's a bizarre situation because she didn't have to be in such circumstances. Charlotte wrote in a solution to her problem, but for whatever reason didn't use it. "UNCLE! MADEIRA!! SOLICITOR!!!" screams the reader. But noooo, we had to have the solicitor behave in a way that defies all logic and common sense, in order for Jane to--do what, wander a strange county until she passes out from hunger?

It's true she had nowhere to go. Lowood was out of the question as that would be the first place Rochester would think of. Jane never mentions if she was still in touch with any of her old school friends, or the teacher Miss Temple (who got married and left). No doubt they would have taken her in, temporarily, before she found a new job. Jane could get her references from Mrs Fairfax and Rochester wouldn't have to know about it. That is, if Mrs Fairfax could be trusted to hold her tongue. I think she could be trusted. Although Mrs Fairfax was not to be the Fairy Godmother--she's employed by Rochester and maybe unable to live independently after the death of her husband, who was a clergyman--I don't see her as someone who would like to see Jane run away to a strange land with no money and no prospects. She likes Jane, and she's a good, kind woman. Her warning to Jane on the morning after their engagement speaks for itself. Also, when Rochester first made Jane sit in the drawing room with the merry company, she objected to this, reminding him how unused Jane is to society. She advised Jane to get in the drawing room inconspicuously, through a side door, before the ladies came in from dinner.

Mrs Fairfax didn't know what was going on in the attic. Rochester said she could have only suspected, she was never told the whole truth. Though how she had not pieced it together... this is what she told Jane in her early Thornfield days:

...soon after he was of age, some steps were taken that were not quite fair, and made a great deal of mischief. Old Mr. Rochester and Mr. Rowland combined to bring Mr. Edward into what he considered a painful position, for the sake of making his fortune: what the precise nature of that position was I never clearly knew, but his spirit could not brook what he had to suffer in it.

It's like the truth is right in front of you but you can't see it. Either she's clueless, or her kind nature won't let her think so ill of someone.

Now, Miss Marple is something different. She's ready to believe the worst of everyone--and she's usually right. Still, she keeps a kind heart. That's what makes her so great. She'd only need to meet up with Alice Fairfax for tea once and she'd have it all figured out before the teapot was emptied.

Mrs Fairfax texting an old friend in St Mary Mead:

Jane Marple, get your ass here, I have a situation

But even if Mrs Fairfax and Miss Marple lived in the same era and the same universe, it's a moot point, because Jane never asked the housekeeper for any help. Neither did she ask the clergyman. I know, she clearly felt she needed to get as far away from Thornfield as possible and the housekeeper and the clergyman were too close to it, but they could have directed her somewhere. Clergy have contacts with other clergy. Mrs Fairfax was also a widow of a clergyman, she must have made many connections during her marriage. Either of them could have advised Jane a safe place where there would be people able to help her. Perhaps she felt she couldn't trust anybody. So she ran.

But I don't know. I still think there must have been a better way.

For starters, she should have gone to a city. It's easier to hide in a city and there are more job opportunities. Not to Millcote, aka Leeds, though, as that one is the nearest, therefore the most obvious. That's where Rochester would look first. But there's Manchester. A great place, you should try it. (I live here, duh.) Did you know it was in Manchester where Charlotte Bronte started writing Jane Eyre? She accompanied her father, Rev Patrick Bronte, who travelled here for an eye operation. The inn she was staying at has a blue plaque.

There's also Sheffield, southwards. Either of them would have been a better choice than a pillar at a crossroads somewhere on the Derbyshire moors. And oh yeah, this. She leaves the parcel she packed on the coach.

So even if she took the pearls, with intention of selling them, she'd have lost them.

Look, I'm not gonna shit on her. She was in such a high stress mode, she wouldn't have noticed if she had lost her shoes. But for heaven's sake, apply some sense when you're running away!

And then she prays for Rochester.

She's homeless, friendless, has no money and is starving. And she prays for Rochester.

Readers, I despair.

#jane eyre #rochester is a villain #stupid stupid STUPID girl #alice fairfax #mr wood #jane eyre meta

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