#They absolutely struggle with codependancy

[kennedyhateskanye]

Jinx dating head cannons

because i unfortunately developed a deep and uncharacteristic attraction to her.

Warnings: angst, f!reader, writing of drastically poor quality probably, codependency,

Jinx isn’t all there, you knew it very well going in, both of you, which is why her intelligence, depth, and capacity for love shocked you. Of course her mental illness rises and falls. Flaring up and resolving itself several times each day. It’s not uncommon for her to be extremely lucid and seemingly resolved of any mental block for a few hours, behaving so “normally” you’d forget she struggled at all if you didn’t know her so very well.

Of course the longer you loved her, the more resilient you became to the emotional roller coaster she dragged those around her on. You learned not to take it personally. And even more importantly, to never hold it against her, after all, if it was hard for you to deal with her mental anguish, it must be infinitely more difficult for her.

However, what most people don’t know about loving jinx, when they picture it, is that all the work it was seemed minuscule in comparison to the pay off.

She was a force of nature, complex and beautiful and unforgiving, to witness her was to be put in awe. Any struggle she gave you was collateral. You’d walk through fire through her love. Enormously more warm and sweet and all encompassing than that of any of the smirking pilties that turned their nose up at her.

She’d wake up in the middle of the night. To watch your chest rise and fall, and to thank her lucky stars that you were here with her.

She thought of you in everything, saw you in everything she did, evrey task she carried out, every tool and trinket she built

It was near constant you’d walk into your shared room to find something she’d crafted for you with her own two hands and her remarkable genius. Welded flowers, jewelry boxes, wind up toys, hell sometimes you didn’t even know what they were supposed to be, all painstakingly painted in great detail with her signature colors.

That and the notes, oh the notes. all scribed in her chicken scratch with her special quill fountain pen. You’d find them everywhere. Under cups, in your journals, on the walls, hidden beneath pillows. Some were proclamations of love, some were slightly nonsensical. Some were drawings of you two, or sketches she did of you while you weren’t looking, ink strokes depicting you distracted with a task, face scrunched in concentration.

You guessed all her little tendencies were not only small acts of love, but also reminders, that she was there, even when she was away. Jinx struggles with abandonment, scratching grading voices telling her you’ll leave her, storm off and forget about her without a second thought. So, Subconsciously she reminds you, tries to entertain and to please even in her absence.

You are her first thought in the loneliness of the morning when you’re not yet awake, she often feels a pang in her heart at the thought of you and wraps herself desperately around your body, nuzzling her face into your neck or chest to capture your scent and your presence.

She lets loose for you, lets her hair down, lets her hips sway to the music while she’s working, lets her foot tap absentmindedly, lets her subconscious train of thought out, and finds herself loving nothing more than when you reply to each bit of her ramblings as she goes.

She has never felt such relief as she has for the duration of your relationship. Someone to stay, to rub her temples and hum for her when the voices swarm hurting her head. Someone to disarm her when she hallucinates, using practiced exercises to help her check reality. Someone to bandage her hands when she chews at her cuticles and skin absent mindedly

The care absolutely goes both ways, though, and jinx truly does dote over you in endless ways.

She can sense when you are even slightly altered in any way, frustrated, sad, doesn’t matter. She can tell, and she uses her supercomputer of a brain to make a mental bullet list of the most effective ways to make your uncomfortably dissapear

Sometimes jinx looses herself in her scattered mind and forgets to come up for breath. Forgetting to bathe, to eat, to sleep. You take the burden off her shoulders, slowly and tediously washing all of her long blue hair, braiding it back into a wearable style. Scrubbing days old makeup of her face with a washcloth and a gentle hand, taking turns biting out of something you cooked for her.

After these sessions you dress her in your clothes and lay in bed together for hours wide awake, while she stares at you with wide beautiful eyes, saying very little, iorn grip on your arm or your hand, her heart racing with immeasurable love and affection

That’s a whole other thing, jinx has a very serious staring problem, your not sure what it is, but you’ve come to accept it, she often goes selectively silent and stares with her eyes blown wide. Taking in evrey facet of your being. It’s unmistakably affectionate

Jinx wants to be buried with you, jinx wants to see you through evrey season of every lifetime. There’s no question that girl loves you

[rosenotactuallyquartz]

when you made a mistake of saying Rose isn’t straight on tiktok and now you have 250 people proving you she didn’t love Pearl:……..

you want to know something very ironic?

susan egan, the voice of rose quartz, brings up pearl + rose’s relationship every. chance. she can get. & she describes them as having a relationship! she brought them up in the recent livestream, she sang the rose with pearl’s va on youtube. so many people who work for steven universe have stated that the love between pearl and rose is mutual. voice actors and storyboard artists have portrayed the characters as being in a relationship. rebecca sugar even confirmed that they’re not unrequited. the people who made pearlrose, essentially, either ship them or at the very least see their dynamic as being one that involves mutual feelings that go beyond platonic.

“i don’t know if i would call it unrequited!” — rebecca sugar interrupting an interviewer who describes pearl + rose as unrequited

“if it’s not, then i’ve misunderstood the whole thing!” — storyboarder raven molisee, also responsible for rose’s scabbard, when asked if the relationship between pearl + rose is romantic.

“i LOVE these two so i was absolutely ecstatic to draw this scene. i remember being really pressed to pack all of their passion and pearl’s smugness into one moment that lasts the length of a guitar solo… and their fusion that’s just an embodiment of that into one giant, shamelessly beautiful dancer!” — katie mitroff about fusion in we need to talk

rose quartz is my comfort character & even that is an understatement. she’s so much like me and she’s so meaningful, and i wish that more of the fandom could see this.

the way that her character is perceived really reflects some of the issues that we see in real life as well.

she’s amazing for understanding mental illness & trauma and that responses to pain are not always pretty. things are complicated & so are people. some people in the steven universe fandom want to oversimplify things by often making her a heartless villain. on the other hand, i feel like some rose fans act like she’s done nothing wrong or they like to downplay her issues and mental health struggles. not necessarily here, but elsewhere. some people hate the idea that rose’s decision to give up her physical form was self destructive, but it absolutely was. she’s not a villain but she is a cautionary tale. she has a big heart but she’s absolutely flawed. she never wanted to hurt anyone, but she did.

she’s amazing for body positivity in ways that go beyond simple things like appearance, but people are… so weird about it sometimes. i still remember being twelve years old & reading comments about how rose was “pretending to be fat” the whole time after the pink diamond reveal. that was… really upsetting to read! six years later, i’m trying to help folks understand that this is not the case. there’s so much more depth and detail and comfort, really, than those silly reddit jokes and fandom hostility.

… and she’s amazing for sapphic representation. she’s canonically m-spec but the fandom can be so, so weird about that. as a bisexual girl myself, it bothers me so much that we need to convince so many people that she loved pearl while pretty much everyone validates her relationship with a man. not only validates… they see it as perfect and better and i don’t usually see people talk about the many flaws of that relationship. yes, pearl + rose’s relationship was flawed too. rose has a pattern of unstable relationships! but people can be codependent and genuinely in love at the same time. they can be in bad situations but they can still be… genuinely in love. & pearl and rose’s relationship is not less valid because people perceive their relationship as… more flawed than the other relationship (mainly because lots of people don’t think about the other relationship’s issues)

the biggest misconception of pearl and rose’s relationship is that their love wasn’t real

the biggest misconception of rose and greg’s relationship is that they got married

that’s very interesting to me.

if rose isn’t seen as a straight up villain, i find that lots of the fandom puts so much importance on two things: having a relationship with a man, and being a mother. & as a girl who relates to her, i think there’s so much more to her character and i’ll stop there because i have an entire thing i wrote about rose & the fandom here! /np/nf

i’m sorry about the fandom, anon. i’d go on tiktok and defend you but i don’t have a tiktok account because of my adhd (racing thoughts + a bunch of videos about different things at once = not my favourite app). you’re absolutely right and i wish more people understood that.

[fagsystem]

Inspired by this post by @legobiwan, which made me realise Mario and Luigi would absolutely have a co-dependency problem after the events of the movie.

Mario and Luigi both underwent a lot of trauma during the course of the movie. Beyond the more obvious experiences of Mario only just being in time to save Luigi from falling into literal lava and Luigi jumping in front of Mario with the manhole cover to shield him from fire, the entire movie has a lot of trauma that revolves around them fearing for the others safety.

They are clearly very close, so close that simply being with each other is enough to remain calm in the stressful situation of literally sucked into another dimension. Then they are torn away from each other.

Let us first look at what Luigi went through. He ended up in what I can only imagine felt like hell itself. I imagine during the ride to Bowser's castle, he would have been thinking about Mario. If that is where he ended up, what sort of awful place is Mario?

Then, as it turns out, a giant monster who seemingly has an army at his disposal is clearly very upset at his brother. Any joy at knowing Mario is alive was probably very quickly buried under the fact that it seems as though it will not stay that way. I like to imagine Luigi blurting out how amazing Mario is was less him being a poor liar, and more so because up until then his mind had been a mantra of, "Mario is fine he is amazing and can handle anything."

His blurted out answer makes the monster very angry at Mario. I guarantee the fact that Bowser said he is going to kill Luigi to get back at Mario was less important than the fact that he made Bowser mad enough at Mario to kill. Did he just write off on his brother's demise? Imprisoned with no way out, it certainly seemed like it.

On the other hand, we have Mario. He watched as his brother got ripped away from him and dragged into some dark place of nightmares. We know he did little but think of Luigi after this. Every single thing he did was to ensure Luigi was alright.

I believe that Mario is the sort of person who buries his feelings under actions. I do not believe that during the actual events of this he would be thinking about what-ifs. Perhaps once or twice he began to spiral, but spiraling does not help anyone. That does not mean that afterwards the fact that he did not know his brother was alive for so long, only to finally see him again as he barely saves him from the clutches of death, would not catch up to Mario.

I like to imagine that after the battle and a celebration, Mario and Luigi ended up in one of their rooms. Mario was gushing about how cool the Mushroom Kingdom is, and Luigi is so relieved to hear that Mario had a better time than he did. He made a comment about it, light hearted.

That is when the missing hours of time caught up to Mario. He stopped and asked what it was like for Luigi. Luigi described it, finding it harder to breathe the further along he got. Mario held onto his brother as he ended up in a full blown panic attack. His own feelings had begun to creep up at first, so he pushed them down. He needed to be there for Luigi.

Life carried on. The two brothers were closer than ever. Especially since they decided to move to the Mushroom Kingdom. That decision may have had something to do with Mario being unable to be outside without being reminded of the fact that Luigi jumped in front of fire with nothing but a manhole cover. That Luigi could have died then, because of him. Because he was not good enough.

No, that is not the point.

Mario and Luigi never left each others side. Any moments apart were only those that were completely unavoidable. During those moments Mario was paranoid that Luigi was hurt. He kept thinking of all of the things that could have gone wrong, could be going wrong. Luigi felt like a lost puppy. Weak, afraid and unable to defend himself should something go wrong.

I would say it is probably Toad who eventually staged a sort of intervention, bringing Peach and DK along with him. Peach was incredibly uncomfortable and felt as though this is not her place. Toad had no such qualms, and told her that is why she had to come. If she was not there, who would make sure they did not overstep? DK is not one to care about what is and is not his place, but he did care that he was more likely to make the situation worse than anything else. He only went because Toad said that him being there would make Mario be more likely to be receptive. He did not really understand how or why, but he was a bit (very) concerned about the loser (his friend) and it is not like he had anything better to do. Toad actually had no idea if it would help, he just felt like was probably what he was meant to do.

Toad sat them down and said, "This is an intervention! You need to not be so close!"

So Peach stepped in and ended up taking over the conversation. She explained that they were too dependent on each other to the point where it was preventing them from healing. She stressed that it is causing harm to the both of them, appealing to their need to make sure the other is alright.

Mario asked what they were meant to do, and no one had an answer. Luigi then said they should probably see a therapist. Mario hated hearing that answer because that meant going back to Brooklyn, and that means no powerups, that means no way to protect-

No.

For Luigi.

They no longer had a job on Earth so their family was footing the bill. They did not wish to cause strain, so they went to the cheapest therapist they could find. They walked into the office and the therapist instantly recognised them. She asked if they were there to speak about the Bowser situation, they confirmed, and she told them she was not qualified for that. Mario began to get upset at that, but she went on to say that they really need someone qualified to handle it. Luigi said that they could not afford that, she said that that is really fucked up since they saved Brooklyn and maybe the whole world.

She directed them to a journalist friend she knew and suggested they begin a Go-Fund-Me. Within just a few days, the Go-Fund-Me was more than filled, medical bills completely covered, and the government was giving them a veteran pension that would continue filling up their bank accounts even if they lived in the Mushroom Kingdom.

They were able to see not just a qualified professional, but an entire team. When it came to working on the co-dependency, they planned with their friends an hour in which Luigi would be with DK in the castle while Mario and Peach ran the training course together. Mario knew how formidable of a fighter DK is, even without powerups. Running the course gave Mario something to do, something that would help him protect Luigi better in the future. By the end of the hour he was surprised how much time had gone by. Anxiety crept in, but he found his brother safe and sound.

For Luigi? That hour was perhaps the longest hour of his life. The moment Mario left his sight he began to panic. He trusted his brother's judgment, he knew he was safe, but also he needed Mario there to protect him. It was irrational and stupid and he refused to let it get in the way of helping Mario with his healing, so he did his best to power through it.

DK was woefully unprepared to deal with a panicking Luigi for an hour. He did his best to keep him entertained to distract him from his panic. This ranged from showing how long he can keep a handstand to challenging various Toad guards to fights. It did not exactly help with the panic, but it gave Luigi something to focus on.

By the time it had reached 25 minutes, Luigi moved to an area of the castle where he could see Mario through a window. He knew if something went wrong he could just break it and yell for help. It helped immensely, not that it helped address the dependency problems.

He was content enough with the fact that he had not interrupted Mario in his path to healing that he decided he was not going to mention it. DK told Mario, who told their team, who began setting up plans that would ease Luigi into it better.

They had Luigi begin to train how to fight with Peach. At first he just found it training and tiring, but as time went along he felt himself getting better. He felt stronger. It also helped Mario, who felt more and more confident that Luigi could hold his own until he got there should something go wrong.

Their recovery was lengthy and imperfect. Many times something would happen that would have one or both of them feeling like they were back at square 1. But they got through it. Together, individually, and with the support of their friends and professionals.

[isekyaaa]

Maybe being a clone doesn't scare me because I had to recreate myself at one point in my life. When I was going through major depression (not like lol depression, but it was very bad), I reached a point where I could not differentiate myself from the depression. Depression seeped into every fiber of my being that I essentially lost everything that made me me. Changing for the better meant scrapping everything I knew. I had to start from scratch and build myself back up piece by piece. It was terrifying. Depression, as bad as it was, became a crutch I could always rely on. It was steady and consistent. It was everything I knew. To let it go meant venturing out into a world that I had no clue what was what anymore. I had to go on blind faith that I would make it through.

I've done it once I probably can do it again.

[yandere-daydreams]

i'm being forced by myself to make a proper post for this poll. may gojo reign as a codependent king for years to come.

Cuteness Aggression With The Yan!JJK Boys.

Characters: Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Mahito, and Sukuna.

TW: Kidnapping, Unhealthy Relationships, and Implied Non/Con.

Gojo is near-violent. Expect to be constantly covered in bruises from his habit of full-body tackling you whenever he notices you're wearing one of his shirts or curled up in his bed or quirking your lips in the way he's never been able to resist. Tends to hold onto you for a while, too, keeping you pressed against him while he squeals and coos about how adorable his partner is, making you sound like more of an especially beloved pet rather than a live-in captive. No amount of squirming will distract him, either - he's going to be there until someone literally pries him off of you which, because there's a good chance he's already got you locked up tight in that luxury penthouse of his, isn't going to be anytime soon.

Geto is more used to receiving affection than dulling it out, so he doesn't really know what to do with himself when he's suddenly overwhelmed with the temptation to wrap his hands around your neck and squeeze until you stop laughing in a way that makes his heart want to beat out of his chest. In the end, he sorta just,,, picks you up and starts carrying you around like a giant cat. Maybe pinches your cheek when you inevitably start complaining and ask to be put down. Cult members who ask why you've been slung over his shoulder for the past hour and a half are immediately done away with and curse-users don't fair much better.

Nanami, as the only (relatively) emotionally-regulated person on this list, takes it in-stride. He tries not to force affection onto you, so he'll settle for a few headpats and maybe a kiss to your forehead, if you aren't absolutely terrified of him at that point. If you catch him in a more vulnerable state, either injured or exhausted, he might be a little more forceful - wrapping an arm around your waist and hauling you against his chest, where he can hold you until you eventually give-in and stop struggling, but at least he tries to hold himself back. Sometimes. Maybe. If you're lucky, that day.

Toji is almost as bad as Geto, but not quite as awkward. He tends to scoop you up, drag you away from whatever you're doing, and lay you down where he can pepper your face with kisses and whine when you shove at his chest. He usually lets you go after a few minutes, but it's in your best interest not to squirm too much until he does. He'll just smirk and kiss your neck and say something about how precious his little sweetheart is being, today. The fondness-motivated aggression is short-lived. What he'll do if you give him the idea that you might need more of his affection won't be.

Mahito is twice as unhinged as Gojo and only half as self-conscious. His only saving grace is that, by the time he gets genuinely overwhelmed by something you do, you're going to be used to weathering his constant attempts to suffocate you via forty-five minute hugs. When he realizes how cutely you wince when he pokes a fresh bruise and decides he has to dig his teeth into your shoulder and refuse to let go about it, you'll probably be too used to his ""affection"" to do anything other than sigh and make sure he doesn't severe anything important, this time.

Sukuna is, in his defense, rarely gentle about anything, so you really can't expect him to have a gentle reaction when he sees what an adorable reaction you wear as you wait for him to take his first drink from the chalice you laced with you most recent poisonous fixation. You can kick and thrash all you want as two of his arms loop under yours and pull you onto his lap, as he cups your face and shoves tongue down your throat and wonders aloud if you taste as endearing as you look. He always keeps you by his side, but for the rest of the day, he won't be satisfied unless you're practically on top of him, riding on his shoulders or straddling his thigh. He'll even drink your deadly little elixir straight from the bottle, if you ask him to. It won't work, but you know, it's the thought that counts and all <3

[revelboo]

Everything is Alright Pt 20

Starscream x Reader-care

• There it is in the back of his processor on repeat, that spark wrenching cry. You’d called him Star, not Starscream and there’d been real fear in your voice. But worst of all? You’d tried to comfort him after he’d nearly crushed you by accident in his servos. He can’t get that cry of frightened pain out of his head and it drags him places he’s doesn’t want to go. Of his servos involuntarily clenching, the feel of soft flesh and tiny bones giving. He can imagine it all too well. What he might have done without even meaning to.

• Not realizing until it’s too late. It’d been too close a thing. And it’s with him all rotation, that nagging what if twisting with the rest of the guilt and uncertainty. Like the fact that he wonders if you’re happy with him. You never complain aside from that one angry outburst, but you must resent being a prisoner. Pit, he’s not even sure if he’s doing a good job taking care of you. It’s not like he knows anything about humans at all. Maybe it’s time to learn.

• Laying flat on your back staring up at the ceiling, you try to figure out what exactly is wrong with you. Because you’ve sprinted past Stockholm’s straight into a weird and probably very toxic codependence. Groaning, you rake your fingers through your hair, stopping when you get snagged on tangles, because lack of bathing isn’t fantastic. But you’d been too scared of asking the giant robot who brought you a litter box for a toilet about a bath. Who knew how he’d interpret that request? Drop you in the nearest body of water? Try to use chemicals that while fine for him melts your flesh away? Nope. Even if you can smell yourself and you hate it.

• You’re not sure how many hours you lay there feeling sorry for yourself before the door slides open and there’s Starscream. Frowning. That frown slides into a scowl when he spots you and you sit up, skin prickling. Trying to figure out what you might have done to annoy him and coming up empty. His expression is almost thunderous as he scoops you up cupped between his palms and carries you out of his quarters. You peek up through his fingers as he walks, but have no idea where you’re going. Or what you did wrong.

• You squirm in his cupped hands, your own little fingers brushing against him. But you’re silent. Trusting him without question. The almost sweltering heat of the wash racks hits him as soon as he steps inside, the tension in his wings easing as he surveys the big space. Empty. He moves into a far corner tucked into an alcove, counting on his wingspan to disguise what he’s doing as he uncovers you. Immediately, your neck cranes to look around in open interest, grabbing his thumb to carefully stand in his palm. “Where are we?”

• Heat. Glorious heat and…. Humidity? Inhaling, you look up. That almost looks like a shower head. A tremor of excitement lifts through you even as you wonder if maybe he’d just gotten tired of his pet stinking. Well, you guess that answers the question of whether Cybertronians have a sense of smell or not. Even if it’s the most mortifying way possible to find out. Whatever his reasoning, you’re onboard if it means getting clean. Up until he carefully plucks at the hem of your shirt and you reflexively swat at that big servo without thinking.

• Venting in a low huff as you lift your chin at him in defiance, he runs that servo over your head affectionately. Those nasty coverings are coming off, though. Even if you’re apparently very reluctant to part with them. “I’ll find you something else,” he says, trying to figure out how to remove them from your little frame. A job made more difficult by the way you struggle, face reddening.

• Absolutely not. Sure, he’s a giant robot and probably couldn’t care less if you run around naked or dressed, but it matters to you. It’s also a fight you quickly realize you can’t win as he tugs at a sleeve and your wriggling to get away pops the seam. And yes, these are your only clothes and they smell, have blood on them from the wreck, and are getting threadbare, but they’re yours. And you don’t want to be naked in giant robot land. “I can bathe with them on,” you insist, hating how desperate the words are.

• Why so much fuss over coverings? Must be a human thing. Finally, you give up with an adorably pitiful growl, aggressively swatting his servos until he pulls back. Waiting. Refusing to look at him, you begin stripping layers off. Ah. Somehow you seem even smaller and more helpless without those flimsy coverings, your arms wrapped around yourself to try and hide yourself from him. Embarrassed he supposes as he triggers the water and watches you jerk in surprise, before sullenly relaxing, turning in an awkward shuffle so your back is to him. Your form- it’s almost like the protoarmor underneath a Cybertronian’s plating. Organic, but made curiously like a Cybertronian in shape. Shooting him a grouchy look over your shoulder, you reach up to work tangles from your hair.

• “Could you at least not stare at me?” You mutter, because he is. You can feel it. Probably with the same disgusted fascination you’d give a shaved cat. There’s no soap, so you scrub at your skin with your hands until it’s red, ignoring the giant alien voyeur. Up until the light touch of a servo nudging your hand away from your arm startles you. He’s frowning at your reddened skin in disapproval. “Soap? Cleanser?” You hazard. Preferably something not flesh melting. And he vents loudly, warm air washing over you to make you freeze. Exasperated with you if his expression is any indication.

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[adventures-in-mangaland]

Even More Dead Boy Detectives Fic Recs

I've discovered some amazing new authors since my last post! And writers I've already recced have published more great stories So here's another fic rec post!

Who? You mean your teammate in the Codependency World Cup? (series) by RoseGanymede95

I couldn't chose! They're all great! Basically a series of Edwin and Charles through the years and on cases pre-show. It scratches that adjusting-to-being-dead/newly-escaped-from-Hell itch and the authors writing is magic! It also fleshes out a really interesting conflict in the payneland dynamic: Charles' drive to protect Edwin at all costs clashing with Edwin's guilt over putting Charles at risk/depriving him of some ideal afterlife. Parts one and four also introduces Constantine/Johanna and part three revolves around an absolutely gut-wrenching temporary break-up. 😢

In Hell I'll Be in Good Company by laylabinx

Charles rescuing Edwin from Hell does not go smoothly. Just. Bucketloads of Trauma for both of them. And for you, the Reader. It's so good though!

your fangs in my neck (like an anchor like a vow) by shadowquill17

Vampire Edwin AU! It's great because it combines the (homo)eroticism of vampiric feeding with Charles' whole bisexual crisis and post-confession Edwin worrying about making Charles uncomfortable. Also Charles is some kind of demigod/immortal agent of divine vengeance which is an AMAZING detail and I desperately want to see some fanart!

The same author's ongoing story to the pain is also excellent though very angsty (cw temporary character death). I'm anxiously waiting for an update!

To Memory Now I Can't Recall by engineering_madonna

This is an amnesia fic and the most recent in an established relationship series. The first two installments feature the boys getting together and navigating their new relationship, so pulling the old 'character A forgets their whole romantic relationship with character B' trope hits especially hard! The whole series is lovely, but I am WEAK for temporary-amnesia.

Lemonade & Sunrises by paraph

A Quiet Place AU! The boys are alive, but they're the only ones. Very bleak but in a way that makes me want more!

1999 au (series) by websters_lieb

The boys figure their shit out in the 90s. Also, Edwin gets to read Maurice and queer theory. The cases in both stories are compelling and the author's writing and characterisation of the boys are excellent.

I also recommend offer me that deathless death which is about the boys' first meeting, Charles' funeral and the birth of the agency.

if I could reach the stars (i'd give them all to you) by ObsessedWithFandom

Charles falls first, Edwin falls harder. This is an AU of the author's excellent Charles' bisexual awakening fic, which I also highly recommend. It has lovely OCs and Charles having a sweet little friendship/romance with the boy he saved in canon, which actually makes his death a whole lot more tragic.

Came up from that lake of fire by ghostinthelibrary

Charles and Edwin get caught escaping Hell and promise to capture a demon-eating ghost called The Deathless in exchange for their freedom. With the added twist that they get to be alive again! An exciting case, high stakes and all the alive-again culture shocks and emotional/interpersonal drama you could ask for.

gig officially gigged by laiqualaurelote

Band AU! It shouldn't work but it does. Which might also be an in-universe review for the band tbh. Idk, I loved Edwin's massive obscure musical instruments and Charles being his unpaid roadie. Peak Found Family Feels.

No Rehearsing It, No Reversing It by DontOffendTheBees

Charles overthinks being in love with Edwin, my beloved. This time with increasingly flimsy pretexts for why they NEED to kiss. Just perfect Idiots in Love, no notes.

The Case of David Bowie's Made up Sexuality by williamvapespeare

The agency attempt to help a living lesbian couple deal with a haunting. Meanwhile, Charles struggles through his bisexual (re)awakening. With bonus past (living) Charles no-homo-ing himself to the nth degree. Pure of heart, dumb of ass, indeed.

The lamps are going out by CasiHuman

Vengeful Spirit Edwin AU! Has some interesting ghost lore and Edwin being convinced his touch is painful to Charles (love that trope!). Also features some of the author's adorable/hilarious fanart at the end.

just frame the halves (and call them brothers) by Anonymous

Crystal stumbles upon the ghost of Edwin's older brother, who hires the agency to free him and his platoon from the battleground they've been haunting. Case fic with interesting details about Edwin's family life and an awkward as hell family reunion.

the case of the very long ferry ride by obsceme

Sex pollen but with skin hunger, so it's more touching turned making out and hand jobs in a bathroom. Interesting use of ghost lore and it's cute and well written.

Form 239, Schedule L by sanctuary_for_all

Charles Rowland's Love Language is Acts of Service: The Fic. So many feels! Plus Afterlife worldbuilding and some quality Night Nurse rep.

don't go sharing your devotions (lay all your love on me) by Hephanna

The boys and Crystal accidentally summon an alternate universe version of Charles. He's very... handsy. Charles being jealous of himself is objectively hilarious and it looks like it could be heading towards throuple territory. Possibly even a foursome, if alternate Edwin figures out parallel universe travel. Which he probably will.

Still a Better Lovestory by Vamillepudding

Hanahaki disease! Charles is on the case but Edwin's being weirdly uncooperative about his own curse. I loved the worldbuilding (there's a whole sisterhood of washerwomen!) and the angst, plus the writing is excellent.

The author has also written Eternal Sunshine, in which Edwin is cursed to feel no love of any kind. It makes for an interesting character study, contrasting cursed Edwin, his public reserve and his actual personality.

[ominous-horse-noises]

im ab to be annoying ab dimension20 fhjy but im genuinely loving the character arcs for the bad kids this season?

kristen going from self-annihilatingly stupid to trying to build a genuine bridge with the man who not only wielded the religion that traumatised her (bobby dawn), but also was trying to ruin her life, just bc she thought a grieving father ought to be comforted in some way? her genuine distress at being unable to revivify buddy even though the two had only had negative interactions, or her biting her tongue in front of her parents so she could better look after her little siblings? grappling with the fact that she still, on some level, expected practising religion to be easy and convenient for her as a holdover from an entire childhood spent being a Chosen One, and finally putting her nose to the grindstone and committing to working her ass off for a deity that couldn't even benefit her for a hot minute? making an effort to be cordial with tracker's new gf and letting go of that codependency? the kristen applebees from ep20 would NOT do all the same stupid shit as ep1 and i love that.

fabian being humbled by the narrative again and again has been an absolute treat for his character. the whole ivy/mazey situation was great: freshman/sophomore year fabian would've gone for ivy no sweat, i mean her character seemed pretty similar to pre-redemption aelwyn and he had a huge crush on her then. but this time, when he realised he'd hurt a genuinely great person, and intentionally swallowed his pride to make it up to mazey, even though it required him being 'uncool' with the whole twister thing. his general arc of learning that earnestness and humility doesn't make him less of a man felt like a natural extension of fabian defining his own version of masculinity- sure, a 'maximum legend', but also someone deeply involved in the arts, and someone who is less afraid of saying sorry and being vulnerable in front of someone he likes

fig. fig fig fig. what a woman. its been absolutely fascinating watching build her sense of identity over these three seasons. at her core, fig is a character that loves so deeply. in freshman, she was terrified of the depth of her own devotion, so she tried to distance herself emotionally from everyone. in sophomore, she built herself around that love for other people. in junior year, fig's arc has been learning she can do both: that she's defined by her love for others, but not solely by it. ik emily wanted to retire the character before this season but i think fig's paladin arc was the best capstone to her journey possible.

gorgug's arc has been about establishing clear boundaries for himself and i love it. im aware there's been some Discourse ab the mango soda scene but to me that was pretty easily chalked up to teenage insecurity. a big part of gorgug's arc was trying to believe in himself when everyone around him told him he was too dumb to follow his passion- imagine struggling in an area that you have no natural aptitude for, and someone comes along and also trounces you in the one area you thought you were the best in. i'd be petty and reactive too (gorgug follows up calling her a freak with the fact that she beat the shit out of him, so its clearly him just still smarting from a bruised ego and not actual malice). in general, i've really like gorgug learning to put his foot down and say enough is enough without completely losing his gentleness.

adaine hasnt had an obvious arc, but considering she addressed most of her baggage in the first two seasons, i'm not surprised. i would've liked to see the other bad kids address her 'teenage adult' behaviour, but her self-awareness about it and relying on fabian to pull in clutch for the oracool stuff still felt like she'd learned to rely on her friends at least + her reaching out to aelwyn and the two of them healing from their parents together has been rewarding it its own right.

riz is perfect and has learned nothing. his neuroticism is part of his natural swag

[murdrdocs]

thinking about post-peacekeeper!coryo just getting absolutely fed up with your constant codependence. your never-ending attitude, the way you seem to always be capable of rolling your eyes and giving him a snarky remark even when he's trying to be nice. you're just so needy, so bratty, believing that he owes you something when really its the opposite.

but he shuts you up anyway. he offers what you want—him, his dick—after your tantrum. but just when you think you've won, when you're grinning and laying back to slide your panties off, he stops you. he changes positions, taking your spot, making you straddle over his lap.

and the sight is fucking amusing. your pout, your incredulous expression, the way he swears he can see your big eyes start to well up with tears threatening to spill over.

he can't help but taunt you.

"what's the matter, doll? is this not what you wanted? you wanted my dick, right?"

you nod, playing with your nails, adjusting your position to hover more over his cock.

"yes, but–" he interrupts you.

"'but'? there is no but."

there's no room for argument in his tone. no room for discussion, either. you either take what he's giving you or you get nothing at all. you either fuck yourself on his cock, something he knows you don't prefer at all, or you continue sulking around the apartment with a greedy and empty cunt.

coriolanus knows you're not a quitter. so he's left with a front row seat to you struggling to pleasure yourself in ways only he knows how. you're lacking skills because of him, a problem of his creation. he's spoiled you, giving you what you wanted whenever you wanted, treating you with orgasm after orgasm in whatever position could reach the deepest.

like this, he's deep within you, but not deep enough. and even so, you barely know what to do with it.

he lets you suffer for a while. he doesn't intervene until you start to cry from frustration. only then does he pull your chest to lay on his, grip your ass in his hands, and start to fuck up into you. all while making fun of the desperate show you'd put on.

[ramblingautisticman]

A thought I would like you to sit on and think about:

When they get old, Poolverine, I mean, and logans easily about 1206 while wades like 1047. Wade obviously doesn't need tonworry about grey hairs and adores logans white hairs, but how would Wade look? Would he get wrinkles? Would he look only 60ish, look much younger than logan since he's almost 50 and looks barely 26? Is he skinner? Just how badly has his body aged? Disregarding comic lore- I wanna know your opinion. Would Logan struggle to walk around? Will the tables turn and he is now part time in a wheel chair? Whats their day like? Cabin in the woods is nice but that requires hunting and long trips to the store. Is puppins old too? Since she's a deadpool shes technically "immortal" too dont you think? How many times a week do they just sit infront of the fire at night, talking about their youth and stories? ... how many funerals have they attended? Do they even bother making friends anymore? Do you think that theyve learned to isolate themsleves from the world and become so codependent that they do absolutely everything together? Do you think in this older state that it takes them longer to heal? Can logan even use his claws anymore or does he soley rely on guns now?

Okay....I have so many thoughts. So many.

So firstly, discussing the way they age. I assume that Wade, because of how his regeneration works, stays the same age. His body always regenerates to that same state- the same age and condition- his body was in when he mutated, which is partly why the cancer is still eating away at his body. I don't think he really will ever age. Maybe his scars change a little over the years, getting rougher and redder as he ages.

I think he does get skinnier- less muscley- purely from them eventually putting up their suits for good and settling in to a more domestic life. I don't think he can put on weight because of the cancer, and I think the chronic pain gets worse too. He has more bad days where he can't really do much but lay in a warm bathtub and wait for the heat to fix his aching muscles.

If he does age though? If his body finally gives in and let's him get older? He is probably a mess, both physically and mentally. Wade feels bittersweet about gaining wrinkles and his hearing worsening. On one hand, he's glad that the world has allowed him the luxury, on the other? He hates that he lookes even worse than he did before. The scars start to turn brighter shades of red, the skin wrinkling and sagging in places, and it makes him even more insecure of how he looks.

Either way, his healing gets a little slower and he can feel the cancer trying to fight it's way in.

Mary Puppins is much the same. She doesn't really get older, just gets tired a little easier, and shakes if it gets too cold.

Logan? Logan ages SLOWLY. Very slowly. Eventually, though, he's getting aches and pains like everyone else, accompanied by wrinkles and joint pain. The claws stop working at some point. They refuse to cooperate with him, and eventually, he gives up. The constant ache of them sat idle causes his hands to shake slightly, and it's something he doesn't really like talking about. The one thing he was good at, and now? Now they don't even work.

I think Logan would panic a little at the idea of ageing- used to practically being the same for so long- but he would accept it pretty quickly. He would be kinda glad at the idea of finally getting older, finally being able to do something 'normal', even if it means he isn't as fast or agile anymore. They aren't sure if it's the poison from the adamantium or not, but his breathing gets a little weaker too. His healing slows down too, and it takes alot longer to heal from the tiniest cut- which he assumes is because his healing factor is trying to deal with the whole aging thing.

Wade would be the one having a full on meltdown. After so long, he finally had someone who 'matched his freak'- someone who truly understood his pain and trauma, someone who wouldn't die on him- and now, here he was, staring at the first sign of a grey hair on Logan's head. It reminds him that one day, he really will be alone, no matter what. Logan isn't going to be around forever, but Wade will.

Once Wade isn't panicking about Logan getting old, and once they realise that Logan is going to continue to deteriorate, they move to a little one floor house just outside of the city. There are no stairs, which helps Logan's aching hips, and the walk in shower (you know what I mean) is ready for when neither of them can get in and out of the tub anymore. They make sure Mary has a nice comfortable bed next to the fireplace, and Logan gets a big enough couch that him and Wade can fall asleep comfortably if they need too.

They don't really talk to anyone after all these years. After watching everyone they love pass away, they don't feel the need to make friends anymore. Logan and Wade both can't deal with the idea of watching someone they love waste away again- not now that they are both ageing themselves.

All they care about now is eachother- and Mary Puppins- and they take care of eachother as best as they can. Logan makes Wade heat packs and helps him clean up whe he vomits, Wade helps Logan move about when he isn't in a wheelchair and massages the aching muscles in between his knuckles.

It's tough, but they manage. They survive by keeping the other alive, and even though they know it'll end badly- either Logan is going to die and leave Wade, or they are both going to die together- it never stops their need to keep eachother safe.

Logan has to watch Wade as the cancer slowly starts to fight back and win, while Wade has to watch Logan age and the possibility of the poison taking over.

(Not the most coherent post, but I had so many random thoughts about it that I wanted to put in here lol, so here it is. Also GREAT QUESTION??? LIKE YES?? GIMME OLD MAN LOGAN AND OLD WADE HAVING TO LOOK AFTER EACHOTHER??)

[bun-z-bakery]

Does Dogday have any bad or annoying habits?

✧. ┊ 𝑁𝑒𝑤 𝐷𝑜𝑔 𝑂𝑙𝑑 𝑇𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑠

Oh, absolutely! Dogday has a few little habits, good and bad. Some slowly died down after a while but these are just a few I could think of rn :3

Teeny tiny CW for this one! There is mentions of some destructive behavior such as hoarding and codependency. It's not too detailed but I wanted to let you guys know before reading!

Old habits die hard

He has a lot of old habits that were drilled into him during his time at playtime co. Like

Talking in third person. 

Following a strict schedule. 

Scolding you when you swear etc. 

It takes a bit, but eventually he's able to catch and stop himself. 

Sometimes he'll mess with you and speak in third person, all you can do is sigh and stare. 

Oh no! Our table! It's broken!

He breaks things, ALOT. He sometimes forgets his strength and has a habit of gripping objects a bit too hard that they break. 

Your phone? What phone? 

Your laptop? He has no idea how that happened. 

We don't talk about how the railing came off of the wall, even though he doesn't know how it happened! 

What's mine isn't yours

As much as he trusts his angel, he can never be too sure. 

He keeps cans of food or anything he can snack on hidden as a “just in case”. When you four escaped he used to be very territorial when it came to food. Not that he wanted to be. 

He knows he can trust you, but he also knows from experience anything could easily be taken away, so expect him to be territorial with food or gifts for the first few months and expect to find stale food hidden under your bed too. 

What's yours is his

Literally. 

Dogday hates being apart from you, he has a bit of separation anxiety. He'll even “borrow” your stuff when you're gone. 

Clothes? He can't wear them, so he'll make a little nest on your bed with them. 

Getting him to wake up and move from the pile so you can put your stuff away is a struggle. The amount of torn and ripped clothing you have accumulated is concerning. Coming home to your favorite sweater or shirt being ripped and torn under his weight while he's in dreamland isn't fun, but once again, he has no idea how that happened. Strange. 

Paranoia and over thinking until he drops. 

He tends to overthink and rambles alottttt to himself when you're not there. Poppy has a hard time snapping him out of it. He can't help it, if something happens to you he'll never be able to cope plus he would never forgive himself for not being able to protect you.

Whenever you're home, he's basically glued to your side. Privacy? You don't know her! 

He keeps an eye on everyone and sometimes walks around the property at night to make sure it's safe.

As much as you reassure him, he still can't shake the feeling that something followed the four of you out. 

Manners? Not in this house, apparently. 

He's a bit of a messy eater and slurps his food. 

Everyone agrees he should be more mindful of his eating habits, but he can't help it. It's good! 

It was cute at first, seeing him enjoy his first proper meal after so long, but cleaning the mess and himself wasn't. 

The look of disapproval and disgust on your faces was enough for him to stop. 

Keep your tongue to yourself please

Whether it be affectionate or because you have food on your face, it doesn't matter. He will lick you! You think it's gross, Poppy thinks it is absolutely disgusting, and Kissy just sides-eyes him when he does. The table was silent the first time it happened. He sees nothing wrong with it, so expect it to happen again. 

A/N: I really had fun with these, I know I'll probably think of more in the future lol he's a silly dude we love him in this house. Thanks for reading and here's your order! 🍰☕

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Okay, let's talk about Ming, and how some people are talking about him like he's an irredeemable monster. (It's okay that you don't know anyone who was emotionally neglected and you have a decent relationship with your parents, but it's not okay to pretend your experience is universal and everyone else is garbage)

I know some of you remember my loud defense of Ray from Only Friends, and here I am again, to fight for the loveability of the character who doesn't know what to do with all their big feelings.

Ming's family, from what we see, is not a warm, loving place for him to learn emotional intelligence.

May is pretty great, but there is only so much an older sibling can do when your parents are physically or emotionally unavailable.

Ming's mom had only been seen trying to control Ming's life, marry him off to a woman, and insisting he is incapable of being on his own. Not exactly mom of the year.

Ming is clearly incredibly lonely, and so, so sad.

He likes Tong, but mostly after his sister and Tong are already involved -- because it's safe to transfer feelings you don't understand to someone that those feelings cannot go anywhere with. When he starts to feel too much for Tong, he leaves the country, because he can't process those feelings, and he doesn't want to hurt his sister with his crush on her boyfriend.

He comes home, and he sees Joe first. His likeness to Tong is obviously what pulls Ming in, but it is very quickly apparent that Ming is genuinely interested in Joe, but he has no fucking Idea what to do with that interest.

And when Joe clearly likes him back? It gets worse. He lashes out and then feels bad, but mostly doesn't apologize, he just moves on, because apologies require reflection on what you've done wrong, and Ming doesn't know how to do that! We see him struggle with it multiple times!

He does not know how to deal with being wanted. With the expectation of care that comes with that. Because, ironically, Tong and May are the best example of a relationship he has to look at, and he had to tell Tong to go take care of May when she was sick.

His crush on Tong remains so deeply a part of his identity, even as it obviously fades, and it clouds everything because Tong uses Ming's affection for him against him! And Ming doesn't see that! He doesn't see Tong's flaws until after Joe's accident, and even then, I don't know that he acknowledges Tong's actions as cruelty and manipulation, or if he ignores that all under his own guilt and grief over losing Joe.

And this brings us back to Ming and Joe.

Ming didn't have a crush on Joe. He sort of accidentally fell into a situationship, but then became intensely possessive and obsessed with Joe. We see him be so unbelievably soft with Joe, in moments where he's allowing himself to be, to stumble through having feelings and carrying for other people. But there is so much holding on tight that Ming can't seem to turn off.

He holds on to Joe --both of them!-- so tightly. He sees threats to his claim on Joe everywhere, and he can't confront that idea, so he doubles down on being possessive, and he looks cuckoo-bananas.

But it really just reads to me like he doesn't know what to do with feelings! I know people --especially ND people, who needed a little extra help to learn how to person -- who had emotionally neglectful parents and didn't understand healthy attachment until years of therapy and some determined friends got involved.

I don't have the greatest track record for "healthy attachment", and lean towards codependent in a lot of my relationships.

Some of the people I love the most are "hold on tight even when it's not good, because if I let go you'll leave" people.

They are absolutely deserving of someone who loves them. They deserve a happy ending and middle, too. They deserve the chance to learn and grow and become better versions of themselves.

(and they deserve people to love and cheer for them even when they're being assholes and throwing tantrums and hurting people because they are still learning how not to do that)

AND THIS DOESN'T EVEN TOUCH ON HOW JOE ALSO MISSED A LOT OF EMOTIONAL LESSONS, BUT IT MADE HIM UNHINGED IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WAY THAN MING!

Idek if this is coherent, or everything that I wanted to say, but here it is, my treatise on why Ming is my baby, actually, and why I will defend him until he is either better or actively worse.

ETA: what Ming has done is obviously not okay, reasons are not excuses, but I do think he deserves a chance to learn. and to tell Joe he loves him.

[grimalkinmessor]

The thing about Age Swap AU that I really like is the fact that both Mob and Reigen are inherently so much more unstable.

On Reigen's end, most of it is from the fact that he's a kid—he doesn't have the same amount of emotional intelligence because he has less experience overall, and the fact that his relationship with his parents isn't,,,,great, even in a canon setting. A boy still mucking around in the trenches of parental abuse/neglect is always going to be more rickety emotionally and mentally than a grown man who's been given years to heal and distance himself from it.

And then there's Mob. Mob is a bit more a wild card in this area, just because without Reigen his childhood is more or less an unknown. Did Mogami find him? Would it have made him crueller if Mogami mentored him instead? What about Claw? Did they take him in? Is he still with them, did they fall, does he regret it? Is he jaded or riddled with guilt or stuffed so far back in his shell that it takes a little blond boy wielding a huge emotional and verbal hammer to start breaking through it? Either way, I definitely don't see him being as emotionally stable as canon Mob. He likely hasn't reconciled with Shigeo, he probably never truly accepted his powers, and thus has the emotional maturity of a ten year old—Reigen still beats him on this. Mob's only point of positive advice would've been Ritsu, and that's....I mean, it's Ritsu. He hasn't had any significant good influences in his life so he absolutely struggles on how to be one himself.

The potential for these two to be codependent is SO much higher and I love it. Unhealthy dynamics are my absolute JAM (one of the reasons I have this animatic rotating in my head at top speeds 24/7 365) so the inherent prickliness of whatever Wrongness™ these two have going on just. has me. Reigen clings because it's all he knows how to do—even if Mob banishes him from the office, he's a persistent kid that hasn't learned you shouldn't chase after moody grown men with emotions so repressed it manifests as a literal eldritch alter with no morals to curb its desires. And Mob has had to go even longer alone in this sort of universe than ever, and Reigen is likely the only person who's never been afraid of him; he's latching onto that kid like bear trap and never letting go. He's still tenderhearted, but it's plagued with years and years of loneliness and inner turmoil that he's had no one around to soothe; he's over a decade too late for 'healthy'. Not that Reigen minds <3

[the-peak-tmnt]

So i've been rereading Reprocity and i have a dumb question but im wondering, is Leo going to have dissociation issues after he's rescued? Honestly im SO excited for the eventual recovery arc. I love your fic sosososo much.

Ahh!! Thank you for the ask! Not a dumb question at all!

I am ALSO so excited for the recovery arc, and its driving me insane I'm not there already!

I might be giving away too much here, but post-rescue Leo is absolutely going to struggle with staying present. He's spent so much of the last two years hiding from his own reality in Raph's head, and it's gonna be hard for him to give up the relative safety & comfort he feels when he's mind melding with Raph. There's definitely some depersonalization/derealization/codependency issues in poor Leo's future...

Beyond the complications of his more advanced empathic/mind meld abilities, Leo's also going to be saddled with a lot of the typical psychological repercussions of abuse & prolonged isolation. I'm working on Chapter 20 right now, which is where we're gonna get a peek at some of the stuff he's been going through.

Anyway, rest assured that the credits aren't gonna roll the second Raph finds Leo. I know this fic is from Raph's POV and so far has focused on his personal struggles. But this is Leo's story, too.

They're in this together, after all 😉

PS: Sorry I'm not more active here! This ask made realize I have a few more unanswered ones! I'll go through the rest of my inbox soon!

[cabeswaterdrowned]

Mark and Julian’s relationship makes me so insane the first time I read the books I don’t remember feeling that way about it? I think I payed most attention to Ty&Livvy + Ty&Jules + Livvy&Jules out of the dynamics so those stuck out most in my memory there are also shifts in what’s focused on most in LM vs Qoaad so that’s part of it but like… Mark and Julian is so funny and compelling to me because they do not understand each other at all! No scene encompasses how much Mark does not get Julian like the scene post whipping where Jules goes on that speal about how he wouldn’t want to live if Emma died and knows it’s not healthy but he might do what Malcolm did for Annabel if she did did and Mark is like “no my baby brother you are too good a person you would never ever do something like that ik you don’t mean any of it” had me in stitches ajdjdj as a reader who’s been in Jules’ head and knows that yes, he absolutely did mean all of that (codependent king love him for that <3). And then in LoS there’s a scene where Mark is tasked with watching the kids and minor things go wrong (well I mean someone does get injured. But for Shadowhunters that is still p minor) so he’s like “oh my god Julian would Never have let things go wrong like this he would know exactly what to do” bestie no… he wouldn’t have known better he would have just faked it till he made it and never let anyone know he was struggling to begin with lolz. That’s not even getting into the Emma thing which is just a whole cycle of them projecting their own feelings onto the other person Mark assuming Julian loves her platonically because he does and Julian assuming Mark’s would be in love with her because that’s normal existence to him usually I don’t care for set ups like that but this one is fun somehow.. and that scene after Emma and Jules argued and then fucked in that cottage so Jules comes back in a good mood and notices that Mark is constantly on edge around him because he’s accidentally been so snippy/cunty to him since the fake dating started and he’s like “oh have I been that bad?” And then tells Mark he’ll be cool now because he knows they weren’t really together Andjjd. also they’re both sooo bad at being teenage boys in completely different ways so the juxtaposition of their traumas is fun “I don’t understand how to be a teenage boy because I’ve been raised to be a “feral” (only using the word because they use it to describe Mark so many times in the books) creature and feel trapped by being among humans” vs “I don’t understand how to deal with teenage boy emotions or think through that aspect of life so I repress all of them while clinging to my responsible adult mask + using my political strategist wiles to get through life”. Idk why but I just really like their whole thing…

[intothedysphoria]

Transalpha billy?? Coming back to town and surprising his hometown sweetie Steve??? If you please???

Steve was already moping by the first day.

Billy knew that because Steve had sent him at least 6 different voicemails, whining about being lonely about an hour after he’d gotten off the plane. There was no arguing that Billy didn’t feel lonely too, it had been a long while since he’d spent time without his mate but he was so frazzled after the flight, he didn’t have the energy to respond.

The response Billy got was moping even more.

Heather stared over his shoulder as Billy scrolled through the endless sea of their Instagram messages, eyebrows arched severely in judgement. Her and Robin weren’t that ridiculously codependent, that’s what she’d say, popping gum between her teeth. Well, Heather and Robin weren’t mated. They clearly didn’t get it.

It was just that there were no bottom surgeons in Hawkins (not that Billy ever thought they would be) and Billy already had a strong relationship with a secondary gender reassignment clinic in San Francisco. Steve was notoriously bad at dealing with surgery and had a phobia of flying. It would only be two weeks. Both of them could handle it.

The dreams started during night four. The ones where Billy would stare at his face, distorted into some nightmarish parody of femininity and Steve would stare at him, disappointed. He immediately texted Steve, sweat dripping down his back, when he woke up and Steve soothed, with gentle words.

It helped a little but Billy still wanted to punch something.

His hormone levels were normal, that’s what the doctor said. For someone transitioning from omega to alpha, 2 years and 6 months on hormones, he was doing remarkably. No heats for fourteen months, the beginnings of a consistent rut, only producing slick in very rare occasions. The level of dysporia Billy was experiencing was still incredibly high but he was dealing with it, with the support of his close friends, his sister and his mate.

It was ok, that’s what everyone kept telling him. Billy tried to tell himself that too.

Steve consistently sent him the most ridiculous, adorable selfies. He’d always caption them “trans guy swag” showing off his new beard, impressively thick already. Billy missed him so much. His voice, the way his Star of David necklace would swing when he walked, the inevitable smell of burning whenever he tried to cook.

It was six more days. Then he could fly back. Six more days.

Bottom surgery went fine. He ate a lot of jello when he woke up. That and chocolate pudding. God, he was absolutely fucking starved. Heather was mostly tapping on her phone, ever the “influencer” (Billy was pretty sure she was just scamming misogynistic alphas) but she’d look over at Billy and gently take his hand.

He was cleared to leave a day early. After a quick mental battle, Billy decided not to tell Steve. He’d do that cute face that he did whenever Billy surprised him and that was unmissable. So Billy sent an increasingly stupid set of tiktoks instead and turned off his phone.

Flying back to Indiana with Heather was always going to be an experience but he hadn’t quite prepared himself for just how many episodes of Pretty Little Liars she was going to force him to watch in four hours. And then more on her phone on the drive back. Billy loved her but really she was absolutely ridiculous.

Steve was in his usual place for a Wednesday morning. Sipping a cup of overly strong, overly sweet coffee in the hipster place Billy had introduced him to. Talking to Dustin about something nerdy (probably Top Gun) and Billy decided he was going to sit at the table parallel and see how long it took Steve to notice.

It took two minutes (Steve’s new personal record) before he whipped his head around and tears started forming in his eyes. Billy had to grin and hold his arms out (walking was still a bit of a struggle, as was standing) and just wait for Steve to barrel into him.

He didn’t get reprimanded. Or get Steve jumping into his lap. Instead he just got a soft kiss on his forehead and Steve wringing his hands like he usually did when trying to emotionally regulate

“You’re home”

And really that was all Billy wanted to hear.