#These are all jokes

[vampire-superstar]

Time traveler: -Kicks a rock-

The timeline:

[stranger-things-yapper]

S5 """predictions""" that would crack me up if they happened:

- No Byler, but we get Ronance and Stonathan as canon

- Holly is the one to defeat Vecna, El doesn't do anything

- Henderhop out of the blue

- El and Mike already being broken up when the season starts and we don't get a breakup scene

- Papa and Hopper having a dad-off to see who's El's preferred father figure

- Max has powers now

- Will has powers now

- We get a Byler confession, but then the timejump happens and Mike is dating some other guy

[jtl-fics]

Me: I wanna write how FF got recruited.

Also me: Gotta finish the Thanksgiving Break arc.

[apocalypsegay]

i don't think he clicked through

[steviecrowdude]

love is in the air? wrong. evil skull

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Knowledge Revenge.

[beaft]

it is legit bizarre to me how hard video game creators and film directors and showrunners try to pretend that fat people don't exist. can you think of the last time you saw a fat person in a lead role? god forbid a fat woman? i can walk down the street or go into a shop or restaurant and see fat people everywhere but then i switch on the tv and suddenly it's like a glimpse into an alternate universe where no one has a bmi over 24. insidious and weird

[vampire-superstar]

Good Morning to Everyone Except:

People who know how to spell Mephistopheles without reference or autocorrect

People who know how to pronounce Mephistopheles

People who chose Mephistopheles as a romantic option

Toxic Mammon Stans

All Belphie stans

Lucifer Stans who spell it 'Lucy' instead of 'Luci'

Diavolo haters.

Simeon Haters. He's literally the biggest green flag wtf you hating

Anyone who finished the first game

Anyone caught up on the second game

People who write GN!MC and just make them their oc

People who complain about Male MC

Anyone with a spouse who hates Obey Me

Morning Everyone else ❤️💅💕🍒

[jamierthanyou]

as an aroace, im particularly dangerous, because i wont fuck or marry. i only know how to kill.

[miniaturecatmentality]

guys I just found the greatest video on the internet

[lazylittledragon]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

[noka-exe]

Damian Wayne comes across a classic christmas carol known well among the children of gotham… pt [1/?]

[a-gay-poptart]

I have found the best ally

Straight and cis people will say that they are allies, but you will NEVER measure up to my dentist.

Me: "Hey, is it ok if I can change my name on my info from [DEADNAME] to Aspen?"

Random woman that I wasn't even talking to in the chair next to me: "Honey, if that's the name you had at birth, [DEADNAME] is your only name."

My dentist, very slowly turning her rolley chair towards the woman: "Shush."

Random woman: "Excuse me?"

Destist: *closes privacy curtain while staring bullets at the lady*

Me: *pissing myself laughing*

My dentist while changing my name in my info (reminder that English is not her first language, she immigrated from Russia): "There, Aspen, you have pretty boy teeth. Smile and make all girls swoon."

Me not having the heart to tell her I'm not transmasc but I'm Agender, and still pissing myself laughing: "Thank you [DENTIST NAME]."

Edit: Ok, this has gotten alot of attention, but right now my other posts is what really needs attention. I have a few fundraisers for people trying to evacuate Palestine and Gaza, but also a diabetic who needs her insulin shot. Please please please, go to my page and at the very least repost those posts, have the day you deserve and free Palestine🇵🇸

[bereft-of-frogs]

There’s that post that’s like ‘everyone should get into a tiny niche fandom at least once’ fully agree, that was really fun -- but I would like to add that everyone should get into a fandom where their opinions run counter to major fanon because it really teaches you about sticking to your guns and trusting your interpretation of the text without having to rely on peer validation

because WHAT are people talking about sometimes

[cumaeansibyl]

I was just browsing around here at random and I think the current generation of social media users need to re-learn a certain truth:

the Secret Service will investigate all perceived threats to the president or top government officials, even if they are clearly unserious.

Now, they aren't going to arrest you for joking about it. They are going to show up at your house with printouts of your tumblr and other social media and ask you some very pointed questions and it's going to be extremely uncomfortable. They want you to know that they know what you said, and that if you were planning to do more than talk, you should stop that, because now they have their eye on you.

And yeah, in the back of their minds they're thinking "what if this seemingly harmless poster actually turns out to have a gun and a plan, and we dismiss them because we think they couldn't possibly be serious?" But mainly the first thing.

Let me make one thing clear: I am expressing neither approval or disapproval of this practice. I am stating the fact that they've done this for decades -- it's not a particular feature of the new administration. And given that their one and only job is keeping some very unpopular people alive, it makes sense that they're being damn sure no one slips through the cracks. Because it only takes one.

Oh, and just for the record, if you use common censorship techniques to talk about "unaliving" or "k*lling" someone you shouldn't, they can still find you. Some of these people have been on the social media beat for years by now, you know they speak fluent TikTok.

Be safe out there, okay? Don't get put on a list for a dumb joke.