#There was a solid period of time there where I was worried he was hurt or some shit

[conspiracy-crows-vent]

Sometimes everything is fantastic and wonderful except like

1 thing

But that one thing causes you enough frustration, irritation, or other bothersome emotion that it kinda ruins the fantastic for a bit.

[gremlinmodetweeker]

König's Kids Headcanons

I think König, when he's there, would be a great dad. He's a bit of a gremlin, but this just makes him a better dad. He's also a bit of a menace at parent teacher meetings.

Anyways, have some silly headcanons

Art from This Post

König is a surprisingly good father (when he’s there). He’s strict, but also knows how to relax and let things slide. He will play-wrestle with his kids and make sure they have plenty of time to run around in nature and read books. He’s passionate about his kids’ hobbies and encourages them to learn and explore what they love.

He’s the type of dad to teach them how to fight but also play pretend games with them

He does not like having tea parties, but he will endure for his children. He will endure great hardship and pain for them, and if this includes sipping water from a plastic teacup while sitting on a tiny stool, so be it. He can endure. However, he draws the line at makeup. He can’t endure (nor can he sit still long enough)

When König is home from work, he drops his military titles at the door and focuses entirely on being an important part of their lives. The sad part is that you can see he’s actively trying to make up for time he’s lost. This is part of what leads to him retiring early to a local security job.

Without a steady father figure in their lives, his kids do grow up to struggle with certain things. However, all things considered, they turn out pretty well adjusted and healthy. Honestly, pretty solid people. They turn out to be the kind of people you feel like you can respect and appreciate.

But when they’re young his kids are little shits. They’re the type to break stuff for fun. They also will run and hide from you. At a certain point, you’ll have to resort to using child leashes because they will run away from you in public. So when they’re young, they’re terrors in your house. When they get older, they have their father’s streak of intelligence and are snarky assholes. They have brutal teenage years.

This is exacerbated by the fact that for the first ten years of his youngest kid’s life, he’s still in a PMC and going on military contracts, so the kids have large periods of time where they’re missing their father.

König realizes too late that he missed a lot of his kids’ development and chooses to retire to a more local security job to spend more time at home. It’s a big change in the household, but not an unwelcome one. His older kids struggle the most, but they do grow to form strong bonds with him because of his choice to stay home

König makes a good deal of money early on so he can go on to take a lower paying job later in life. His kids never have to worry about if they have money. They have to worry about whether or not their parents will say yes.

König is a pretty strict father. He’s a military man, a former colonel. He’s not going to be a horrible abusive father, but he will be a bit much sometimes. You might find yourself stepping in to defuse the tension sometimes.

Thankfully, König doesn’t yell at his kids (unless it’s something stupid and it’s pretty obviously a joke) or hit them. He’s actually pretty bad about disciplining his kids. You might have to take over in that department. Having been in the military for so long, König’s terrified of going overkill on his kids and doesn’t want to risk hurting them. He can dish it out, yes, but he’s extremely cautious when doing so.

He’s also quite fair. He does his best to treat his children equally. He’s surprisingly good. He focuses on encouraging their individual hobbies and finding their own personalities. They do grow up to be quite self-confident with their father’s teachings in their heads. They’re not arrogant, but they’re confident and assertive

They’re not popular in school, but not hated. They do pretty decently. Academics are a bit too easy for them, so König has to step in to teach them study habits and keep their passion for learning. Thankfully, his father was a professor, so he’s pretty good at this.

That said, König will sometimes be pretty silly when disciplining. Sometimes, you can hear his full colonel voice booming from outside about someone pulling some silly prank on him as he’s mowing the lawn. He’s not the type to pull pranks on his kids (but he’ll happily torment you) but he will play silly games with them. I think his kids learn that when he’s yelling, he’s not actually that angry, he’s just playing around. It still scares the shit out of your kids’ friends when he does it when they’re over

König has a tendency to scare children in public. He tries really hard to not make them nervous, but with the hood and the height and the tired look in his eyes? Nah he’s terrifying.

König’s kids grow up not being afraid of anyone because nobody’s as scary as their dad. This also means all the kids know that those kids have the scariest dad.

When your kids’ friends come over, they’re terrified of König. Unfortunately, he finds this slightly funny and takes advantage of this. You might have to step in and diffuse the tension to help those poor children realize that when König is yelling about things, he’s not actually mad. Maybe make cookies with him or something, it’ll help break the ice.

Your kids and their friends are all taken under König’s wings for protection. He’ll go up to bat for any of those kids. He genuinely cares so much about them. Having very select few friendships as a child himself, he’ll go out of his way to ensure his children have healthy social lives.

Sometimes the parents are unsettled by him. This is König’s unsettling form of social anxiety at play, so you’ll have to mediate between other parents and König to make sure they realize that no, he’s not an abusive monster, he just makes horrible jokes about his children. He has very dark humor but plays it straight, which is a horrible combination.

He has had a teacher call CPS on him before, but it was quickly resolved. However, most people are frightened by König when he steps into a room and it’s no different at parent-teacher interviews

He always blows teachers out of the water for how much he cares about his kids getting a quality education. He’s also quite receptive to their advice (if it’s good) and is willing to step in when needed. Teachers also typically find that he’s quite a fun parent volunteer to have on field trips (he is extremely popular)

Some of the more timid kids grow to like König because he tries to ensure all children are included when he’s around. He’s good at making sure everyone feels noticed.

Of course, as said, in the beginning everyone is terrified of the giant foreign soldier man. His kids have to teach their friends to not be afraid of their dad when he’s home.

Later on, this means in late high school his kids' friends consider him a DILF. He’s horrified. Flattered, but horrified. He has a serious talk with you about how to not be a DILF. He genuinely is so upset by the concept. His kids laugh at him all the time because he’s miserable about it.

Konig Dump

Konig Headcanons

[the-obnoxious-sibling]

brilliant minds episode feat. SUSAN BAY NIMOY are you kidding me thoughts

ah, a timeskip in the flashbacks! now wolf is an Older Teen who is Different From The Others—at first you think because he’s got his nose in a medical textbook all the time, but then you look at the very heterosexual group of peers he’s distant from and realize that if he didn’t know as a younger teen, he definitely knows by now that he’s gay

“heartbeats,” oh man! a little anachronistic, but it’s a good mood-setting song for this sequence

(i do think dating a member of the family hosting you in a foreign country is a bad move, independent of the risk of period-typical homophobia. obviously not the primary concern for anyone in this scene, ijs.)

and the patient of focus is an elderly woman who has become very sexually active since her husband’s death. her sons finding this “inappropriate” is laughable to me, but i recognize that this is because i’ve heard too many “STDs run rampant in nursing homes because elderly heterosexuals don’t use protection and are rarely monogamous” stories on this cursed website

tangentially related: why tf do the sons think they have any say over what medications their mother takes?? they’ve been involved in the conversations about her health, yeah, but all the procedures and treatments were done with her consent. then the second wolf brings up libido enhancers they come in all “whoa now, we don’t approve of that!” and??? it’s not your call, buddy

all this to say: an episode theme of shame projected by relatives onto “inappropriate” forms of sexuality is a solid choice here.

the patient’s sons wanted their mother to gracefully transition from nonsexual maternal figure to nonsexual grandmaternal figure, never acknowledging her personhood independent of that connection to them and theirs; wolf’s mother wanted to keep him an innocent child, free from the dangers of gay adulthood that she had witnessed in her practice. eternal mother, eternal child, dehumanizing either way. i’m glad both groups seem to have moved on from that way of thinking by end of episode.

wolf thinking his mom said something to scare nichols off, and all she said was “don’t hurt him”?? god, nichols what is wrong with you (affectionate)

wolf and nichols were so cute prior to that moment! that embarrassing early days all over each other eagerness (in your workplace? multiple times?? where your mother also works??? if i didn’t already know wolf was a big risk-taker…), but also being able to tease each other over silly little things like utensil preferences? cute.

and then! “pain is inevitable, but so is joy”? i mean, i disagree—as someone who has been deeply depressed for over half my life, i don’t think joy is inevitable, i think it’s something you have to seek out and grab on to—but damn it’s a good line. (followed by the return of “heartbeats,” aw! falling fast are we, wolf?)

indirect spock reference my beloved! (i mean, with susan as the guest star you gotta, right?)

i am worried about carol’s stalker patient storyline. your husband cheated, went no contact with her, and then she looked you up online and became your patient?? girl. you cannot let this continue! even if she threatens to do something to herself as a result of you removing yourself from her care team! especially then, god damn, are you new? if patients threaten their lives there are steps to take.

also talk to your husband about this, he needs to know girl is escalating

dana’s expression is so delighted when the patient’s two boyfriends come to visit. i love her.

i really do not know how to feel about intern love triangle developments this episode. 1. imo the ericka → jacob feelings came out of nowhere, totally unexplained, and they continue to be presented in the most boring way possible (someone else says something sexual or romantic, cut to a longing look from ericka). 2. the twist at the end was fun but i have no idea what it means. is ericka using van? did she actually have a crush on him the whole time and pretended to pine over jacob to keep van from finding out? does she like both of them?? the messiness is unexpected of ericka, and i could be into it for that reason alone, but i need more info. maybe next episode will provide!

[masterwords]

something worth fighting for

Summary: Emily's ready to call it quits, Hotch and Morgan already have, and then a party at Rossi's changes everything.

Pairing: Hotch/Morgan

Words: ~7k

Warnings: hotch's ear injury (canon - 7x24 explosion), gunshot, vomiting, pain medication

Read on AO3: something worth fighting for

Notes: I humbly submit my work to the CM Holiday Gift Exchange (@cmgiftexchange), a gift for @hosseinis. I wrote almost 30k words for this exchange scattered between 4 different stories before this one became the keeper. I was incredibly fortunate to be matched to you, to be able to create a gift for you, but as happy as I was...it became almost impossible to decide among all the things I wanted to make for you! The other 3 stories were a lot darker, didn't feel much like holiday gifts, but they'll still be posted at some point probably soon because they were all solid stories. You inspired me to write a LOT of words this month my friend. Thank you for loving hotchgan and for being fun to talk to! Merry Crimbus! (Read under the cut or on AO3)

~~***~~~***~~***~~~***~~***~~~***~~***~~~***~~***~~~***~~

“Do you ever think about what might have happened if we had done for you what you and JJ did for me?”

Hotch frowned and laced his fingers together in his lap. His hands were cold in spite of them currently being in Georgia. The heat outside was well matched by the air conditioning blowing into the cabin of the jet. He would have preferred not to have it on but the team liked it chilly. They still had an hour before anyone would begin trickling onto the jet, but he’d been surprised to find Emily boarding early. Only about fifteen minutes behind him. She was normally one of the last, stretching the time to the very last moment. He’d been anticipating a nice long period of quiet, a head start on the pile of paperwork he had to complete to shut the door on this case. Not today.

It was his own fault. He’d invited her to come to him when she had a bad day, and those seemed to be coming harder and faster lately. He found her in his office, texting, even once at his door with an apologetic bottle of wine. That night ended up with her drinking the whole thing and him calling her a cab because she refused to sleep on his couch. She wouldn’t look him in the eye for two full days after that because she was worried they’d done something they shouldn’t have while he repeatedly assured her that he hadn’t had a drop of the wine and they’d remained respectable distances from one another the whole night.

“How so?” he asked, his voice a little breathless. She didn’t often bring his situation into the mix. No one ever really dared to talk about Haley, about Foyet, it was like a field full of buried unmarked landmines. They’d all more or less decided to pretend it never happened, everyone but Dave and Derek anyway. JJ had offered support once or twice but she didn’t ask questions, didn’t pry. It was easier for all of them to ignore it.

“If we had decided to fake your death, put you into WITSEC with Haley and Jack. Send you off to some boring old place where you could be a teacher or something. Do you ever wonder how that would have played out?”

“Why would I be a teacher?” he asked, a little offended by the implication that he was dull. She smiled warily.

“Fine, you could be something more exciting. A lion tamer in the circus. Anything you want. Do you ever wonder?”

“No,” he replied truthfully. Painfully. He couldn’t allow himself to wander down the path of what if, it hurt too much. Knowing that there were paths he could have taken that would have kept Haley alive was enough to bring him to his knees, the weight of it too much to bear. It wasn’t that he didn’t know it anyway, there were plenty of choices he had at one time that would have led to Jack not losing his mother. There were better outcomes, maybe, but there were also worse.

Emily hummed, a noise he was sure she had picked up right from him, spending too much time together. Especially lately, because she couldn’t talk to the team about any of this. Sure, she had JJ, but when she looked at JJ she only saw the pain she’d gone through and how hard it has been for her to mend what was broken...the rest of them were still grappling with it. How could she tell them she wasn’t happy? That she might want out? Hotch was the only one she thought could take it, or even worse, understand.

“Why?” He knew why, he’d known it for a while now, but it was still his job to ask. To get her to do the talking. She needed to open up and get something off of her chest. He hated to do this, to slip into his negotiator role, but it worked. It was for her benefit.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she started quietly. “I guess I’m having a hard time being myself again. I spent enough time being someone else so completely, coming to terms with Emily Prentiss dying...this is harder than I thought it would be. Living this life again. And I guess I wondered if you thought you would too. If we’d gotten Foyet and Haley lived, if you got your family back. Could you go from being Joe Schmo in the middle of nowhere...Utah or Wyoming or something...could you be Aaron Hotchner again? Could you just forget dying and pretend it never happened?”

“I would have to try,” he said rather matter-of-factly, but he knew it wasn’t so simple. “It would have been a very different circumstance, though. My situation and yours were not the same.”

“No, yeah, I know...I know…good people, innocent people still died because of me though. I can’t help thinking that I should have stayed dead to honor their sacrifices.”

“Emily.”

“No, don’t Emily me. Look, I tried to buy a house and put down roots. I called my mom and had dinner with her...but I can’t...I can’t fix this. Look at the trouble I’ve caused. I see Spencer still not sure he can trust you guys. I see what happened to you and Derek. I did that, Hotch. I did that.”

“No,” he replied sadly. His voice cracked before he finished his thought and he shook his head, waiting for it to come back. “I did that.”

“Not without my help,” she added timidly. “You two would probably have gotten married, adopted some babies, maybe. White picket fence, two car garage...you guys had it all and what you did for me…I guess I’m not sure it was worth it, in the end. Because look at me now. Look at me thriving.” That last part, as emotionally wrecked as she was, dripped in sarcasm. His chest ached.

“How can I help?”

She scoffed at him and rolled her eyes dramatically. She hadn’t let go of the sarcasm, it was her last line of defense, but her voice was shockingly vulnerable and sincere. It broke his heart. “Tell me it was worth it?”

“It was worth it.”

“You’re going to have to do better...come on. Don’t insult me. You were a Federal Prosecutor, you can lie better than that if you’re not going to tell me the truth.”

“You want the truth?” He glanced down at his watch to make sure they still had time. That he wouldn’t be in the middle of a vulnerable monologue when the team started boarding the jet. That was the last thing he needed. He had a few minutes to safely get it off of his chest. “There are aspects of what happened that I would go back and change if I could. Hindsight is a gift and a curse. But I wouldn’t take it all back. I would do it for you again in a heartbeat, even if it went exactly the same again. No matter the blow-back on me, protecting you was worth it.”

She blinked rapidly, tears clinging to the mascara she’d just put on. That wasn’t what she’d expected and she hated him a little for it. For the cruelty in his honesty. She couldn’t reciprocate that kind of shredded, gaping wound of vulnerability for him no matter how she wanted to. “You jerk.”

“I’m sorry,” he spoke quietly, reaching into his pocket and procuring a small square of silk with his initials stitched in delicate thread along the hem. He offered her the handkerchief without hesitation, waiting for her to make fun of him for it. For being so old fashioned that he carried an old hanky around with him. She didn’t, though, she just looked at him, blinked the tears from her lashes and dabbed at her under eyes with his pale silk gift. He was such a relic, she’d always thought, but a beautiful one. He wasn’t meant for this time. He wasn’t meant for many of the things he did. Everyone thought he was so tough, unbreakable, harsh and ruthless but she knew the truth: he was none of those things. He was certainly good at putting up his shields and playing the game, but he was one of the gentlest, softest most broken men she’d ever met in her life. She wanted to protect him with every last breath in her body, he was such a fool sometimes. But she couldn’t protect him, not from himself or anyone else.

“No,” she whispered finally, sniffling. “I’m sorry. I don’t...I need to suck it up, huh? Get on with it. Shit or get off the pot.”

“You don’t need to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“Says the guy that came back to work a month after getting stabbed nine times.”

He frowned and shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t know what else to do with myself. In retrospect, coming back so soon did more harm than good. I can’t go back, and I can’t wonder what might have been different had I...waited.” The way he said that last word made her squirm. Years later and he was still living with the crushing guilt, the lasting pain both physical and emotional. It struck her that this thing that had been burying her alive for a couple of months had been doing the same to him for years and it made her feel sick. He hadn’t healed he’d just hidden it beneath layers of life. It was mean of her, she knew it, but as she looked at him she knew...she didn’t want to become him, and that was exactly where she was headed if she didn’t get out now.

He’d given her all the answer she needed just by allowing her to see the truth of his existence. It was a cautionary tale.

“Thanks Hotch,” she said finally, knowing they had to wrap it up. He’d checked his watch twice since he opened up. The team were going to board soon and the last thing she wanted to do was be crying when they walked on. She wasn’t ready to tell them yet that she was thinking about leaving. She could see it in Hotch’s eyes, he knew. She didn’t have to say those words. The fact that she was thinking so hard about this was enough for both of them. “This is gross, by the way. There’s a reason Kleenex exists.”

“My grandmother made them for me.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

“It’s clean,” he added a little defensively. ��I do wash them.”

“Yeah. Sure. It’s all fine then.” She handed him back the wet silk and watched as he stuffed it into the pocket of his pants without thinking twice. “God. Do you have more of those on hand?”

“The clean ones are in my breast pocket, the soiled ones are in the pants pocket. I told you, I do wash them Emily.”

She scrunched up her nose in disgust. “You look good for ninety, you know that?”

He considered a reply, but decided it wasn’t worth it and settled for a long suffering sigh instead before turning back to his paperwork. His mind wasn’t in it anymore, now he could think only of one thing – Emily was going to leave. And probably soon. How would they survive that a second time?

(x)

The explosion that blew out the bank, crumbling concrete and shattering glass was unexpected. It rocked the ground beneath his feet as he dove behind the police car door, heart hammering in his chest so hard and so loud he thought it might actually break his ribs. Derek was in there. JJ was in there. Emily was in there. Dammit. He felt his ear pop, the sudden high-pitched screaming sound piercing his skull even after he covered his ears with shaking hands and squeezed his eyes shut. The pain was instant, the pressure behind his eyes building to a crescendo and for a whole ten seconds that felt like eternity he thought for sure his head was going to explode. There were tears in his eyes when he opened them again and he swiped at them with ash caked fingers, failing to notice for a moment the blood on his palm. His ear was bleeding.

Again.

He’d been on top of the PTSD, for the most part. Once the Bureau appointed therapist pointed it out to him and gave him some exercises to maintain his composure in situations he knew were going to be troubling to him, he’d been on top of it. “Mild,” she called it. When his palms got sweaty and his heart dropped into his stomach, when he felt sick and angry and vulnerable...it didn’t feel mild, but who was he to argue with her? She saw this kind of thing all the time. And he’d been close enough to explosions since that night in New York, had managed to work his way through them without incident, but now seeing the blood...being in the middle of the street...hearing sirens wailing and watching flames flicker...he wasn’t exactly right there again, it wasn’t a flashback, it was just that same sick feeling. Different but the same.

Except this time he had his whole team, and half a city’s worth of cops to look out for. He had civilians and hostages to worry about. The safety of hundreds of people rested on his shoulders and his fucking ear was bleeding down the side of his jaw. Will had been inside that building with the unsubs. He didn’t have time to walk himself through all of the steps as his stomach twisted in painful knots, as the bile rose in his throat. Not now, so he just stood up and shouldered his way through the reeling cops with one hand over his bleeding ear to keep the offending noise out of his head, at least a little. God it hurt.

“Dave!” He called, rushing toward his colleague. He was breathing through his nose, deep harsh breaths to stave off the nausea that was increasing in intensity. “Have you seen any of them?” He didn’t need to use names, Dave knew exactly who he meant.

“There,” Dave pointed at Derek and JJ on the ground with various members of the SWAT team they’d been charging in with. Emily had been ahead of them, she wasn’t in the group but she couldn’t have gotten far. He watched as Derek began to sit up, followed by JJ and then some of SWAT. They were all confused, coming to, but seemed okay. He turned to Dave, refusing to allow personal feelings to get their claws in. Not only did they have no place here right now, but he wasn’t welcome to them any longer. Derek was not his to care for in any way more significant than as colleagues, and as colleagues, what Derek really needed was for Hotch to take complete control of the chaos. Get them all out of this mess.

“Dave,” he began, setting his jaw and trying to regain his composure. His head was a grenade and the pin was barely holding on. Dave raised his hand and shook his head before Hotch had a chance to continue.

“You go get that ear looked at,” he said adamantly. “I’ll go find Erin and we’ll be waiting for you.”

Hotch wanted to argue that he was fine, but his the pressure in his head must have been visible to Dave because he wasn’t having any of it. “Okay,” he agreed. “I’m not sitting this one out, but I’ll go get cleaned up.”

“I’ll take it.”

(x)

Finding Derek in the alley, pinned against a dumpster with a man’s hands around his throat, Hotch didn’t even think. He wasn’t going to bother announcing himself, he wasn’t going to bother negotiating. This was one of those times where he simply couldn’t abide the protocols and procedures – this man allowed Will to be hurt, used him, put Henry in danger and was now trying to kill Derek. He had no trouble at all justifying the shot he was about to take.

And when Matthew Downs dropped at Derek’s feet, when the blood sprayed against Derek’s cheek and the dumpster and pooled on the ground, he felt no remorse. He simply stood with his gun still aimed, breathing heavily, his ear screaming louder than ever. He was going to be sick. That knowledge rumbled through him with the force of a freight train as his stomach twisted with the pain of the gun shot, but the look on Derek’s face, the look of pure gratitude and relief and maybe something else…it made him feel better as he dropped to his knees and dry heaved a few times. Derek hurried over to him and placed a hand between his shoulders, instinctively rubbing up and down over the vest. Even if Hotch couldn’t feel it, he knew Derek was there.

“Hotch?”

“I’m okay,” he gasped, glad that nothing was actually coming up. You have to eat in order to have anything to expel and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had anything but coffee. Dinner the night before? Maybe? “Go. Find Will. I’ll be right behind you.”

Derek did as he was told without arguing, but took one last moment to glance back as he stepped out of the alley. He knew better than to go back, knew better than to ask what was wrong. He could do that later.

(x)

How Dave managed to put together a wedding on such short notice was beyond any of them, but Hotch knew better than most what money could do to trump time. Enough zeroes on a check and you could get anything (and anyone) you wanted. So, mere days after being shot and chained to a bomb, Will was ready to take JJ's hand in marriage and Hotch...well he was just trying to gather the courage to show up.

Jessica was smoothing his sweater over his shoulders and smiling at how soft he looked in it while he grumbled about every minute detail.

“You’re still not sure you should go,” she said, turning him toward her. He shrugged.

“I think everyone would have more fun if I didn’t go.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Considering what I put everyone through this past year…”

“Stop it. Right now, stop it.”

His shoulders slumped pitifully and she almost felt bad for snapping at him, but not quite. He deserved it. He could be so stupid sometimes she just couldn’t stand it.

“You didn’t do anything maliciously. You were trying to help, and sometimes that means getting it wrong...it isn’t as if you had all the time in the world to consider repercussions. You had to make a split second decision. Maybe it was right, maybe it was wrong, but Emily is alive and your team is intact and isn’t that what you were going for?”

“Not everyone is intact.”

“Derek’s going to come back. He loves you so much. He still does. You don’t wake up at the crack of dawn and show up to babysit a kid so his dad can go do some stupid triathlon if you don’t still care.”

“I didn’t tell him I’d asked Dave.”

“Of course. You assumed that breaking up meant that you had to find someone new to watch him, that’s reasonable. And he assumed that he’d made the commitment and he had to honor it. Also reasonable. Of course, if you two were better at communicating…”

“I know.”

“My point being, he still loves you. And Jack. I think he just needs time. You have plenty of time.”

He slumped down on the couch and put his head in his hands, breathing in deep. Once, twice. Filling his lungs, pausing, exhaling. His head hurt, hadn’t stopped hurting since the explosion. He had an MRI in the morning, an MRI he should have scheduled sooner but he thought it would go away. He hadn’t been as close to this explosion this time, it shouldn’t have been so bad, but then there was the gunshot and the noise from the scene and the pain in his head had been like a hot knife slicing through his brain like a Thanksgiving turkey ever since.

“How about you take one of your nuclear pills and I’ll be your designated driver?” Jess offered, crouching before him with her hands on his knees. “Come on. Take one and you might actually enjoy the wedding. You know I love crashing weddings.”

“You have a date tonight,” he countered miserably before lying back and throwing his arm over his eyes, resting his head against the cushion to try and take some of the pressure off. She huffed at him, that irritated little puffing noise she made that meant she thought he was a complete idiot without actually saying the words.

“I can reschedule. Anita will understand.”

“Anita? The nurse?”

Not just any nurse. The nurse who had cared for him when he was in the Urgent Care sick as a dog a few months back. The nurse whose sarcasm was biting and her smile was enchanting. The nurse with a head full of silver hair she claimed was due entirely to the stress of her job.

“That’s the one.”

“You got a date while I was sick? That’s low, even for you.”

“She’s pretty. And she said I was a saint for dealing with you. How can I resist such compliments?”

He groaned miserably. “I was sick.”

“You were. Very sick, really. But her point still stands. You’re a pain in the ass and I’ve been putting up with it for decades. I deserve to get a little something for my trouble once in a while.”

“Is she nice?”

“Very,” Jessica replied with a smile, her fingers scratching at his scalp mindlessly as she settled in on the couch beside him. He’d always liked his head being scratched but even more when it hurt. “She’s smart and charming and sweet, too. She has great taste in restaurants, but she drinks sweet white wine so I guess she’s not perfect.”

“Not many are.” His shoulders relaxed as she scraped her nails over his scalp. It didn’t exactly do anything to the pain itself but he found it easier to ignore, at least marginally. “You could bring her,” he offered quietly. “To the wedding. If you want.”

“I don’t think she’s ready to meet the whole family,” Jessica said with a smile.

“She’s already met me. Everyone else is easy.”

“Good point. I’ll ask her. Does that mean you’re going to take the meds like a good boy?”

“I don’t think I can go if I don’t.”

“Look at you, making good choices.” He didn’t want to take the pill; it made him goofy. It made him feel lightheaded and dizzy, made him say things without thinking first. Made him cry over silly things, like Disney movies and finding crayons crunched in the couch cushions. The pill really didn’t do much except make him forget how bad his head hurt. Which he knew was ultimately the goal, but the tradeoff didn’t always seem worth it. He didn’t like the way it made him feel like a different person.

“Here,” Jess said, extending the pill and a glass of water to him after rummaging around through the medicine cabinet for a moment. He was always pushing it to the back like he was ashamed of it. “Anita said she’d love to come as long as there’s an open bar. I told her that David Rossi never skimps on the booze and do you know what she said?”

“She’s a big fan of his books,” he deadpanned and she let out a barking laugh that hurt his head.

“Exactly. Said she couldn’t believe I was just casually inviting her to David Rossi’s mansion for a wedding hours before the wedding and what was she going to wear.”

“She doesn’t need to worry,” he said quietly, sipping at the water. “She could come in scrubs if she wanted. No one would hold it against her.”

“Did you learn nothing from being married to Haley all those years?”

He hummed, admitting defeat. “I think the answer to that should be obvious.”

“Point taken. I’m going to go home and find a dress, you lay here and rest. Let that pill do it’s thing. We’ll be by to pick you guys up in an hour.”

(x)

The party was bigger than Hotch had imagined it would be on such short notice. More people milling around, many faces he recognized and some he didn’t. They were a little late, maybe it was fashionable, maybe it was rude, he couldn’t be trusted to tell the difference in his fuzzy state.

“Aaron,” Dave said, pulling him in for a hug. “How are you?”

Hotch never know how to answer that question truthfully, so he rarely did. “Good,” he replied, smiling. The smile wasn’t even forced, at least. But Dave knew anyway.

“Liar.”

“I’m okay, Dave.”

“You get that ear looked at?”

“I have an appointment in the morning for an MRI. It’s giving me some trouble but I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“You keep me posted. In the meantime, why don’t you introduce me to your guests?”

Hotch smiled a little sheepishly and stepped out of the way to let Jessica and Anita be greeted by their host. Jack was standing beside Hotch, still in his shy phase even if he did know everyone here. “You know Haley’s sister Jessica,” Hotch said, waiting a moment before continuing. “And this is her date Anita.”

“Anita,” Dave said, kissing her hand with all of that charm he had at his disposal, holding nothing back. Hotch watched, blinking slowly, doing everything a little slowly. “How did the two of you meet?”

“She brought him to the Urgent Care with a pretty bad case of strep throat,” Anita replied casually. “By the time they left he had antibiotics and a doctor’s note to stay home from work and I had a pretty girl’s phone number.”

“I remember that, it’s hard to get him to miss any work,” Dave said, eyeing Hotch. “It’s been a couple of months now.”

Emily approached Hotch as Dave took Jessica and Anita by the arm, one on each side, to show them around the house and the party. To get them drinks and push them out on to the dance floor. He insisted that his live band not go to waste, and they still had some time to kill before the bride was ready to walk down the aisle. The look on her face was sad, unbearably so, and he knew he wasn’t up for the conversation she looked ready to have. Ready or not, he had to try.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked when she sighed more than spoke her hello. She looked distressed, sad, heartbroken really.

“No, not here,” she said quietly. “But soon. Tomorrow maybe. Okay?”

“Tomorrow,” he repeated. “I have an appointment early in the morning, we can meet for coffee afterward.”

“It’s a date,” she replied, forcing a smile. Derek watched the interaction from across the room, his drink in hand. He knew she was leaving, and he missed her already. It was crushing him, and he knew it would crush Hotch too. After everything they’d done, he felt for the man. His world had come crashing down when Emily died, but he knew Hotch’s hadn’t ever stopped. Everything just kept stacking up – from Emily’s death to her new life, Pakistan and Emily coming back and the Senate Hearing Committee, his team being scrutinized, the trip to Chicago for Derek’s cousin that was made more awkward by his family’s knowledge that the two of them had broken up. His aunt Yvonne had tried to push them back together and only made it worse for them in the end. And his mother...his mother was angry at him. “He didn’t lie to hurt you,” she’d scolded first by phone and then later in person, in Desiree’s hospital room of all places. “He lied to protect you. I seem to recall you pulling the same stunt on us, your family and we still love you.” But he still lied, and it was hard to put that trust back in place. It just wasn’t that easy. He was trying so damn hard.

Showing up and watching Jack for him so he could go do his race, showing up at 4am only to find Dave already there...it had been an olive branch opportunity, but he couldn’t do it when he saw Dave. Because that meant Hotch didn’t believe he would still honor his commitment, it meant Hotch really believed it was over. At least that’s what he told himself when he entered the apartment anyway, because how could he leave when Jack’s eyes lit up? When Jack hugged him and said he missed him? “I miss you too, kiddo,” he’d said and Dave asked him to stay, invited him to have some of the scrambled eggs he was cooking up while Hotch thanked them both and rushed out the door. It wouldn’t take both of them to watch Jack but he couldn’t leave the kid. It gave him an excuse to throw Jack up on his shoulders, to cheer Hotch on, and it surprised him when he called him baby as he approached the finish line. He detected amusement from Dave beside him but the rest of the team were so wrapped up in their own morning drama that they didn’t say a word.

He watched Hotch make his way through the party as he danced with Penelope, as he danced with Emily and even Reid. The music was upbeat and fun, easy for dancing and forgetting the weight of the last few days. The last few months. When he saw Will talking to Rossi, waiting for his bride, he couldn’t help being a little jealous even if he was happy for them. He thought it would be him next. He really thought he and Hotch had it all, too. Did Will care that JJ lied to him about Emily? Of course it wasn’t exactly the same, Will didn’t know Emily like that, he didn’t stick his hands in her blood, hold her while she waited for the ambulance, look into her eyes and watch the light fade. But he still didn’t know she’d lived. JJ kept it from him, too.

Finally Hotch, in his customary rounds, came to Derek near the drinks. “Hey,” Derek said, reaching out to catch him by the elbow like he was just going to walk by. He probably was. He’d almost gone out of his way to respect Derek’s request for space, gone so far overboard that it felt like he’d been the one dumped and not the other way around. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m okay,” Hotch replied quietly, barely audible over the DJ’s dance music. He was blaring something by ABBA that had Jessica and Anita out on the floor having a blast. “You?”

“Same.”

The conversation stalled predictably. They couldn’t talk to one another anymore. “Where are you sitting?” Derek asked casually. Hotch shrugged.

“Wherever Jack tells me we’re sitting I suppose.”

At that Derek smiled. “Well, we’d better find some seats huh? Looks like things are getting serious.”

As it ended up, the seats Jack chose put them right beside Derek and Penelope. Hotch’s knee bumped Derek’s as he took his seat and tried to make himself smaller so he didn’t block anyone’s view, so he didn’t take up too much space. Nothing ever had the kind of leg room he needed.

The wedding was fast, short and sweet, to the point. JJ looked beautiful and Will looked so happy Hotch could hardly stand it. He cried, not at all surprised by the display of emotion. He knew it was going to happen the minute he swallowed that damn pill. At least he wasn’t alone, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house when he glance around. Not even Derek beside him could contain the tears in his eyes.

What he hadn’t expected was to find Derek’s hand circling his, dragging it into his lap and letting it rest there against his thigh. They didn’t look at each other, but that connection made Hotch’s heart nearly burst in his chest. He froze, staring straight ahead a little too intently, breath painfully tight and burning in his lungs. Derek squeezed his hand and his vision narrowed to pinpricks, splotches of color flashing over the scene.

When JJ and Will kissed, Derek squeezed his hand again and then let it go. They didn’t talk, Derek just got up and took Penelope to the dance floor at the invitation of the DJ, swaying along with her. Hotch watched from beside Jack and Henry as everyone made their way back out there.

“Hotch?” Emily asked, coming up beside him quietly. He hadn’t realized she wasn’t out there, but now her hand was extended to him with a sheepish smile. “You can’t sit this one out. It’s the law I think.”

“Sure I can,” he replied, but he took her hand and led her to the dance floor anyway, holding her gently as they settled into the foxy. She looked up at him with wide eyes and a grin.

“You actually know how to dance,” she said. “Of course you do. Why am I surprised that the guy who carries silk hankies can ballroom dance?”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Emily.”

“Yeah...well...there are a lot of things you don’t know about me, too, y'know…”

That made him laugh, a light lead in to giving her a gentle twirl and a dip. Derek glanced at them as he swayed with Penelope.

“He’s really good,” Penelope whispered in Derek’s ear. “Did he ever take you dancing?”

Derek nodded, closing his eyes. “Yeah. He did.”

“You should go cut in. I saw what you did back there…”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.”

“What is it going to take?”

“I don’t know mama. I don’t know. I never broke up with someone I was still in love with before.”

“Is Emily leaving us?” The way she changed course made him stiffen up and she could hardly contain her emotion at that. She knew just by that alone. “She is. Why?”

“You’ll have to ask her yourself.”

And all at once she was dragging them across the dance floor, cutting in on Hotch and Emily’s dance. He wasn’t sure if it was calculated or not, but he thought it probably was. She was like that. She didn’t even ask before peeling Emily away from Hotch, before taking her hand and moving them away. Emily glanced at Hotch apologetically and shrugged, not bothering to fight back.

“Well,” Derek said quietly, extending his hand to Hotch. “You want to take me for a spin? It’s been a while, I’m a little rusty. I’ll try to keep up.”

“I’m sure you still have it,” Hotch said, taking Derek’s hand and pressing in close. Derek smelled good, sweet like cigar smoke and cinnamon and bourbon. He began leading, stepping in time with the music and wasn’t surprised when Derek fell into step easily. “If I stumble, I’m sorry,” he added quietly, his mouth unbearably close to Derek’s ear. “I had to take some medication and it makes me a little loopy.”

“What for?” Derek asked, hardly caring whether Hotch stumbled over his feet.

“The explosion at the bank re-injured my ear. I’m sure it’s fine but it does hurt quite a lot.”

“You get it looked at?”

“I have an MRI in the morning.”

Derek smiled and nodded, realizing that they had fallen into perfect sync with one another almost effortlessly. Like no time had passed. Talking felt forced but it was getting easier the further in they went.

“Do you need me to take Jack to school?”

“Jessica said she could,” Hotch replied. Derek nodded.

“I know she will, but she’s getting herself pretty good and liquored up…”

“She was supposed to be my designated driver.”

“Yeah. I’ll drive you guys home, I’m not in the mood to drink tonight anyway. Had a bourbon with Rossi and Will to take the taste out of those nasty cigars he gave us, but otherwise I’ve been sipping soda water with lime.”

“You don’t need to do that. I think Anita has been drinking Sprite. She works in the morning.”

“Hotch…” Derek said, leaning back just far enough that they could lock eyes. “I’m not just offering to drive you home because I think you need a ride. I’m really trying here…”

“Oh.”

“Oh? I mean if you don’t want me to...if you’ve moved on…”

“No. I...no. That isn’t it.”

“Okay, so what is it?”

Hotch let out a small sigh and pursed his lips. “You asked for space, and I gave it to you. But in Chicago...it felt like you were finished. The way you behaved led me to believe your need for space had become something more. That you had come to a decision and that we had no future.”

“You really think I’d do that and not talk to you?”

“I don’t know, Derek. I have no right to expect anything of you anymore.”

“So you’re good just letting it die? You’re not gonna fight for it?”

“Derek, what do you want from me? You said you couldn’t trust me, that you needed space...when you ask me for space, I am going to give it to you. Did you really want me to fight?”

“No, but I didn’t think it would be so damn easy to let go of either.”

“It hasn’t been easy. Has it looked easy? Is that really what you think?”

“Well it hasn’t exactly looked hard.”

Hotch was on the verge of tears, maybe angry tears at this point, he didn’t know. He had almost no control over that and wasn’t going to expend any energy trying to. “I think you’re the only one who can’t see it.”

Derek didn’t like the sound of that, mostly because it hurt. It was probably true. He’d been doing his best not to pay any attention to Hotch, because paying attention hurt and made him want to go back to him and he knew he wasn’t ready for it. Because he felt like he shouldn’t be. He shouldn’t just be okay with Hotch lying to him, should he? Even if he’d done the same damn thing to his family over his cousin? And they forgave him because she was back in their lives, they forgave him because his motivation was for good. Wasn’t Hotch’s too? It wasn’t like he did it for his own gain. Every time he got close, something pulled him away.

“Maybe I am,” he admitted finally. “Hotch. I love you. I never stopped, I hope you know that. But I just don’t know how to forget what happened.”

“I would never ask you to forget.”

Of course Hotch would say that. Just be willing to keep a relationship up when he’s at an automatic deficit. Spend forever trying to make up for his failures.

“I hope for your forgiveness,” Hotch added quietly, almost too quietly for Derek to hear. “But I wouldn’t expect you to forget.”

“It can’t happen again.”

“I can’t make that kind of promise, Derek. I think you know that. There was no way I could have predicted being in that situation before and I can’t know something won’t arise again, but if there is any way around it, I will take it. I can do better than I have done at including you and sharing the burden. I can do better at including you in the hard decisions. I can do better.”

“You can, or you will?”

Hotch smirked at that, at the wording only they would pick apart. “I will.”

“Good enough,” Derek said, finally, taking the lead from Hotch for a moment. Remembering his own feet, his own rhythm. He’d missed this feeling, their bodies moving like one, the smell of Hotch. It was soft and clean, cotton and sunshine, he never wore more than deodorant and maybe some aftershave that lingered. He swayed his hips, stepping back and then forward, upping the tempo with the music. Hotch never missed a step even if he did look a little pale, a little light on his feet. Derek wanted to spin him, to twirl and dip him but he thought that might be pressing his luck. Instead he leaned in and kissed him, stealing his breath. “I don’t want space anymore. I want this.”

“Me too.”

From the bar, while she waited for her new drink, Emily smiled and watched Hotch and Derek. She couldn’t help it. “All it took was me leaving,” she said quietly and Penelope let out the wet sob she’d been holding back for two songs now.

“No,” she wailed, pulling Emily into a teary hug. “No no no.”

“It’s okay Pen. It’s for the best. We all need it. A fresh start for everyone. We can’t go back to the way it was before and it only hurt everyone to try...this is good. I promise.”

“Why doesn’t it feel good?”

“Because goodbyes are hard, even if they’re necessary. But look at that...look at them…look at Hotch and Derek...and JJ and Will...don’t cry over me.”

“Can I come visit you?”

“Of course.”

“Right away. I’ll help you move in. We can shop for furniture and explore your new neighborhood and find the best place for um…fish and chips...you eat the fish I’ll eat the chips…”

“Yes,” Emily smiled, holding Penelope’s hand tight. “To all of it. Yes. I’d love that.”

“Good! Now, come dance with me. Because I need to soak up as much Emily Prentiss as I possibly can tonight…”

“Anything for you, Penelope.”

"Ahhh," Penelope gushed, squeezing Emily's hand. "You are so right."

[courtingchaos]

random idea that i would like to share with the class (or just you, you lovely human being 💕):

river monster!eddie but reader hasn’t come to see him in a while. she wants to, but she’s hardly had any time to go exploring thanks to her new job (or some other thing that would pull her away for a while… maybe family drama??) frankly, she’s hardly had time to even breathe with all the shit that’s been going on. but eddie doesn’t know that… no, for all he knows she’s been hurt… or killed… or, worst of all, mated by another. what would our favorite river monster do to get his girl back? does he leave the river in search of her, even though that’s horribly dangerous for him to do (maybe he can’t breathe for long out of water?? or maybe just having people see him is dangerous… ya know, cause he’s a monster. fuck it, maybe it’s both)? if so, how does he plan on finding her? does he have a plan or is he just being horribly rash and winging it bc nobody takes my mate away from me or fuck, she could be hurt, she needs me?? does he find her?? or does he stay put? sulking in his lonesome river, all alone without his one source of happiness: his precious sunshine, his sweet landling. does he worry about her? or does he think that she’s abandoned him? if so, is he sad or is he angry? what if she comes back? does he rush to her? embrace her? mate her so that she can never leave him again? or does refuse to see her, to hear her out? does he scare her off as a way to protect his own cold-blooded heart?

I’ve been thinking about this ask since last week when I got it. I started a little drabble response but then it turned into a lot of key story telling aaaaaaaaaaaand…

Yeah. I’m keeping some things close to my chest for this. But let me paint you a couple little pictures instead?

So starting at the top. What would he do to get her back?

Well, he’s used to her being gone for varying periods. I mean she just showed up one day out of the woods and she keeps doing it randomly so he tends to wait her out. At least in the beginning. He swims and he sleeps and he hunts and if he’s lucky he finds an unwitting human he can lure and eat and uh…other things.

This Eddie can speak English, he understands it he’s been around too long to not. Plus he has Wayne. No I won’t be explaining this yet, it’s a plot point. So Wayne assures him multiple times that she’s a human. She has a job. She has a community. She can’t just break away from it and sometimes she can’t be there at the exact same time every day.

Once they’ve been together though it’s almost like he can sense where and how far she is. She’s staying close to the river but he knows when she leaves his perimeter. He knows when she’s on solid, dry land. The first couple of times he fights with himself to not leave because he knows he wouldn’t survive. Wayne’s explained how the world works and Eddie has been on the receiving end of pain from humans before he kills them. He’s aware he’s othered so as much as he would like to run ashore and find her, he’d be dead and unable to protect her.

He’s definitely sulking in his den. He’s collected a lot of things over the years. There’s pieces of trash he’s found in the river that interest him. A radio that she’d gotten working, something someone had with them and lost while they were tubing one summer. He’s found gold teeth in mouths before that he hangs on to because they’re shiny. Rocks and bones and the occasional fossil or geode. He’s got a lock of her hair she’d given him, tied up in a thin piece of grass. There’s little things she’s left that he keeps safe with the radio and he’ll sulk with that.

Sometimes she comes back smelling like so many things. Strange scents he’s never encountered and numerous people and it sets his teeth on edge. He wants to remind her that she should only ever smell like her and him. He knows she’ll be back, she’s already promised it and let him mark her so she knows, she has to, that when she comes back smelling like all the others he’s going to fix that. Maybe he plays a little hiding game when she shows back up. Lays low in the tall grass along the edge to watch her search around. He’ll run a claw over her toes when she gets to close to make her jump. He does like scaring her sometimes, likes the way her heart rate spikes because he can almost taste the sharp scent she gives off.

Getting down to your last few questions I will say at the beginning when they’re becoming acquainted and Wayne is explaining things Eddie is very wary. She smells like a mate but she’s human so what the fuck? She’s never once terrified of him, just wary. She holds her hands out to him like he couldn’t pull her right in and kill her. So he’s standoffish. Doesn’t come fully out of the water for a while. He doesn’t understand who she is and why she smells the way she does and why she makes him care, but that changes very quickly when she willingly gets in his water with him.

I know this went a different way a bit, but again, you asked some real deep questions for me and I don’t want to give a lot away yet. But yeah. Eddie loves her and once he’s claimed her he won’t turn her away for anything.

💚

[password-door-lock]

Unknown doesn’t really care about you. That’s been his conviction from day one, the truth to which he has clung with a vice grip throughout his acquaintance with you. He doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t care what’s convenient for you, and he doesn’t care about your feelings. He certainly doesn't care that you've been restless all night, waking up at odd intervals to sniffle for a bit before returning to your tossing and turning. He supposes that he does care if you’re able to help him fulfill his plan, though you’ve already thrown a wrench into it once by refusing to enter the code correctly at the apartment. He had no choice but to bring you back to Magenta, which may have been a bad call, but Unknown has about as much patience for surprises as he does for liars— which is to say, none at all— and your inability to listen forced him to make a snap decision on the spot. 

Presently, he's working at his desk, and you’re asleep on the couch, stirring and whining occasionally in what he imagines is discomfort. He wonders if you're experiencing something akin to the nightmares that plague him when he forces himself to rest, but then goes out of his way to dissolve the thought. Unknown doesn’t like to linger on his own pain. Why would he? So instead, he watches you sleep fitfully. After a few minutes of this, you blink awake. You sit up, looking around frantically. “Did you have a bad dream, prince(ss)?” Unknown asks, amused despite himself. You look adorable even in the faint light provided by his monitor, with your eyes wide and your head swiveling comically from side to side.

“No; don't worry,” you reply, “But my throat hurts, and my nose is all stuffed up— I think I might have a cold or something.” That much is obvious from your voice. 

Even so, Unknown’s fingers pause where they are above his keyboard. In fact, his whole body freezes. He’s stiff, unsure of how to handle the situation. If you have a sore throat and a stuffy nose, then you’re almost definitely sick— Unknown doesn’t have time to process all the reasons why he doesn’t like that thought. He only allows himself to acknowledge the fact that it irks him. “You’re sick,” he informs you, trying not to sound nervous. It’s important that he maintains a calm tone in order to maintain his iron grip on the situation. 

You’re already starting to tremble so obviously that he can see it even from his vantage point across the room. What reason do you have to be trembling? Unknown wonders. He’s the one who might get sick as a result of your negligence— he’s been in here with you all night, breathing your air and touching things you’ve also touched. If you’re sick, then there’s a pretty solid chance that Unknown is going to be next— he growls, annoyed at the thought of losing progress with his work for something so pointless. If his head gets foggy with fever, he’ll work a lot slower, which will doubtlessly cause problems for him in his quest for revenge. It pisses him off that this is something over which he has no jurisdiction— you might be at the mercy of his whims, but your illness is not. 

“I’m sorry,” you blurt out. He should feel good that you’re apologizing, taking responsibility; he should enjoy the knowledge that you’re shaking in fear of how he might respond to this latest inconvenience. Yes, you should be sorry, shouldn’t you? You’re the one who brought some bug into the intelligence room, after all. 

But, inexplicably, Unknown does not feel comforted at all. “Don’t waste time apologizing,” he snaps. It’s always grounding to snap at people— it reminds him that he’s in control. Of course, you do that well enough on your own; you make your devotion obvious with every thoughtful gesture and every offhand word. It’s almost cute, the way you bend over backwards for him. 

Before he can tell you what you should start doing in lieu of telling him you’re sorry, you lapse into a prolonged period of violent coughing. “Sorry,” you choke out again once you’re finished. 

“Okay.” Unknown doesn’t even bother telling you not to apologize again. He’s annoyed that you’re sick, but he’s even more annoyed that he has to stop working to help you deal with your emotions. Can’t you handle your feelings on your own? Why would you rely on him for something like this? Wouldn’t it be easier for you to just sulk in the corner without making a peep? But Unknown concedes that in all other cases, your reliance on him is a good thing. It makes you easier to control. 

Maybe this is a necessary sacrifice, he decides, and that’s what’s compelling him to continue this discussion. If he handles your feelings neatly, you might follow his instructions better, and he can spend his time on more important things. If he lets you stew with your strange guilt, especially when you’re trying to recover from a cold, then he’s going to have to deal with it later, when your emotional and physical condition are both significantly worse. Unknown isn’t interested in that. 

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” You ask, as if he hasn’t already made it clear to you that there isn’t.

Unknown is beside himself. What are you talking about? How could you possibly help him? You can barely carry on a conversation without losing your train of thought in a fit of coughing. “No. You don’t need to worry about that,” he tells you flatly. “Just keep quiet and rest so you get better fast, hm? I don’t want to deal with a sick assistant any longer than I have to.”

“Are you sure?” You ask. Though he doesn’t understand why, Unknown is suddenly very glad that you’re feeling well enough to pester him. “There’s gotta be something I can do.” 

“I just told you what to do,” he reminds you, “So maybe you should start listening before you regret it.” 

“You’re threatening me? Even though I’m sick?” As if your feigned shock wasn’t annoying enough, you take the liberty of pretending to cough into your hand. Of course, this fake cough soon turns into a fit of very genuine coughing— good. It serves you right for trying to mock him. 

“Mhm,” Unknown hums, "Now, why don’t you try to follow directions instead of talking nonsense?” It puts him at ease to play this game with you. He doesn’t have to contend with any emotions he may harbor about the situation if you’re up for a verbal sparring match, and he’d never pass up an opportunity to assert his control. 

“Whatever you say.” You salute him, then sneeze obnoxiously into your elbow. For how long, exactly, is he going to have to deal with this behavior? “What did you want me to do, again?” 

“Now you’re just looking for attention,” Unknown decides. He has no idea why you’re so committed to the idea of working when he’s giving you not simply the license, but the direct order to rest, though it doesn’t really matter. He’s already told you several times that he doesn’t need you to work on anything, and besides, he wants you to feel better. But that makes sense— of course he would want his assistant to be functioning normally. His motivations are entirely justifiable. “Go lay back down and don’t bother me again.”

“Okay, okay,” you hold up your hands and gaze at him with adoration. “I get it! You don’t want me to work! Who are you and what have you done with Unknown?” He just glares at you, waiting for you to finish giggling at your own joke. “But, sure, whatever, I’ll try to rest. Feel free to wake me up if you need something, though. I want to help you if I can.” 

Unknown rolls his eyes. He’s glad to have such a loyal assistant, but you seriously need to stop challenging his authority like this. “I’m not going to tell you again,” he warns. 

“I said okay! Look, here I am resting.” After another prolonged coughing fit, you make a big show of laying back down on the couch and closing your eyes— and if Unknown finds himself smirking a little at your fake snoring noises, that’s none of anybody’s business.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 2.20.2024

Well, I had another very solid week. I hesitate to call it good, because I didn't actually enjoy it very much, but I did grind out 8,642 words last week. I finished Chapter 8 and made a solid dent in Chapter 9a. Basically, I just tried to write at least a thousand words a day, which I accomplished almost every day. Yesterday, I only did 800, but I did 2000 on Sunday, plus the 800 was the ending scene for the chapter, so I deserve a little grace there. And it was a three-day weekend for my kids!

I am at the stage of the fanfic where most of the ambiguity is gone--I know what scenes are left and I just gotta write them. It doesn't matter if I want to or not, the fanfic isn't going to be done until I write them, so I just do it. I always worry that writing in this mindset is going to produce bad, unlovable writing--like, if I don't love writing this, how is anyone going to love reading it? Historically, though, that doesn't bear out--big chunks of Call Me Back and What We Do with Our Hearts were written in this exact fugue state, and I often end up loving them after the fact, and they still contain parts that are really funny or insightful or heartfelt or whatever. I literally do not know how this is possible, it just is. Also, like: there is going to be editing. It is truly astonishing how hard it is to slap anything at all down on a page and then how easy it is to shape it up into something good later on. It is a lot like throwing flat colors down on a piece of art and then adding a little texture and shading later.

The other thing I don't like about writing in this mode is that it makes me actually insane, which I don't like. I just roll word counts and percentages around in my head 24 hours a day and I'm not really able to relax and do things that are not grinding away at my writing. I can do it for short periods of time, but I think I have too much of this story left to tough it through, plus, like, what's the point? This is the thing I allegedly do for fun, and even though I really really really want to be finished, I feel like I should actually try to enjoy the process a little, at least.

So anyway! My first goal for this week is to be less insane about my fanfic. My second goal is to finish Chapter 9a (I think I have about 3-4k to go). My third goal is to edit Chapters 7 and 8 and send them to the beta.

After that, I'll just have 9b (of which I've already written about 4k) and the epilogue to do. After that, of course, there's still more editing, a beta pass for chapters 8->the end, and then I may try to read the whole thing through again from the beginning. So, 3 weeks, maybe, give or take a little?

In the interest of trying to have a little fun, I think I'm gonna try to post some previews for the next couple weeks? In the past, people have enjoyed previews. Today's is a little long, but it's the opening to the whole thing. It's below a cut for those who'd rather wait until the whole thing comes out.

“I don’t know if they’re trying to capitalize on Boy’s Day, or what,” Rukia said, idly inching her hand toward the plate of hot, steaming gyoza sitting on the countertop next to Renji’s stove, “but they’re having some sort of Seafood Festival out in East Sixth.”

A dish towel appeared out of nowhere, the tip whipping painfully against Rukia’s hand.

“Ow!” Rukia howled.

“They’re hot! It’ll hurt worse if you jam one of those in your mouth whole like I know you were gonna,” Renji replied, stuffing the dish towel back into his obi, and juggling the pan of gyoza he was currently frying. “What about a Seafood Festival? Why the Hell is the East Sixth having a Seafood Festival?”

“It’s being put on by the Train Museum, I hear,” Rukia continued grumpily, rubbing at her hand. “I guess they’re hauling a bunch of spring fish up from the Shiranui Sea at the other end of the line. It only takes a few hours to get out to Six. There’s probably carts making the run that we could take, but I would honestly just flash-step, at least on the way out. I want to eat my own body weight in katsuo. Possibly your body weight in katsuo.”

“Mmm,” Renji replied noncommittally, dumping the rest of his gyoza onto the plate and turning off the stovetop.

“I was thinking of asking Hisagi if he wanted us to take some pictures and do a little write-up for the Bulletin,” Rukia went on. “Get us a little walking-around money.” Not that Rukia lacked for pocket money, but it was a little more expensive than their usual weekend activities, and Renji got a little cagey when she tried to treat him to things.

“That’s a bad idea.”

“Why? We had fun the last time we played reporter!”

“Grab the bowl of sauce, would you?” Renji gestured with his chin as he picked up the plate of dumplings and the teapot to carry them to the table. “Don’t you remember when they built that damn train line? Took ‘em over over thirty years, and there were three to four articles every single Bulletin about the delays, the graft, the politics, the environmental impact, whatever. People got so mad about the idea of a train inside the Seireitei that it doesn’t even go anywhere useful. I didn’t even know they used it for anything aside from twee holidays for bored nobles.”

“I heard a story from my friend, Lady Akizuki, that the old head of the Seshimo clan actually lives on the train! He hasn’t set foot outside it in fifteen years!”

Renji cocked an eyebrow at her. He looked like he desperately wanted to hear about the Train Noble, but also did not want to be a guy who cared about Train Nobles. “Anyway, don’t mention the train to Hisagi unless you got six or seven hours to kill. Preferably when I’m not there.”

Rukia picked up the big, fragrant bowl of ginger dipping sauce with both hands. “It was just an idea. So what do you think? Do you want to go?”

“When is it again?” Renji asked, frowning.

“It’s running for all of May, but the weather has been so nice lately, I thought maybe we could go next weekend,” Rukia suggested. 

Renji was quiet for a moment, but Rukia figured that maybe he was just focused on serving her dumplings, which was, in her opinion, very important. 

“Ru,” he finally said slowly, as he poured her a cup of tea. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Is it that you want to go to the Seafood Festival with me?”

Renji took a big breath through his nose and let it out again. “If things work out, I’d love to go later in the month. Next weekend’s not gonna work, though.”

“Oh.” Rukia frowned. “That’s fine. That’s no big deal.” She looked down lovingly at her gyoza and then up at Renji hopefully. “Itadakimasu?” she asked hopefully.

Renji blinked. “Huh? Oh, yeah, please help yourself. That… that wasn’t the thing I had to say.”

“Well, spit it out, already,” Rukia groused, her mouth already crammed with gyoza. “Why are you being weird?”

Renji still hadn’t touched his own food. He had circled his right wrist with the thumb and middle finger of his left hand and was rotating it back and forth. He used to make that gesture a lot when he was young, and Rukia realized that she hadn’t seen him do it in years.

“I’m having some surgery,” Renji finally said. 

Rukia froze. After a long moment, she slowly finished chewing her dumpling and swallowed it. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“I’m getting my arm fixed.”

Rukia watched him rub his wrist for another few seconds. “Did it not heal correctly after the, um, accident?” “The accident” was when Byakuya had stabbed him through the forearm during a demonstration fight the week prior. Everyone was being very polite about it.

“Wellll…” Renji drew out. “I mean, no, that healed up fine. Very clean cut, Senbonzakura, as always. But, uh, while I was at the Fourth, the topic of my burnt-out kidou ducts came up. Captain Unohana thinks she can fix ‘em. And I’ve decided to, um, let her try.” “Oh,” said Rukia. Her chest was filling up with a lot of strange feelings. “Oh.”

[doublel27]

How is this supposed to be an opportunity for Carlos to grow if no one acknowledges that he did anything wrong? Carlos didn't apologize (he was worried about how he treated Iris, not TK) and TK immediately brushed it off and comforted Carlos instead. There is no growing to be had from that reaction. I have no idea where it's supposed to go from here.

That’s a great question, let me answer it in a few parts: if we weren’t going to continue to deal with this for a solid period of time and Carlos got his divorce in this episode and we threw it away, I would agree with you.

But from the looks of things, Iris has her own perspective on checking out TK and this is going to throw wrenches in as they plan their wedding. This episode was focused on Carlos feelings and TK, when he saw Carlos was heading for a panic attack, did focus on his fiancé and not himself. I would argue this is not new behavior for either of them in this relationship. (Please see 3.04, 3.08 and 3.13 for TK pushing his own feelings down to take care of Carlos)

There is time for TK to bring them up again and say how Carlos not saying anything hurt him. How this dynamic is hurtful. How he needs to be fully informed.

Also, we saw some serious character growth in that Carlos told TK BEFORE there was a solution or he was caught.

When, TK and Carlos run into his parents, it is beyond awkward and Carlos tries to play it off like it’s nothing. It’s not until TK not only confronts him, but walks out and comes back that Carlos can own what’s happening.

When Gabriel and Owen do their whole little arrest situation, Carlos works out a plan of action before going to TK. He’s calm and rational and TK ends up spiraling (for good reason) instead of Carlos owning that he’s scared and confused too.

In the apartment search, Carlos knows TK has his heart set on a place and just swoops in and buys it and presents it to TK fait accompli without so much as a discussion about how to handle it.

In 3.13 Carlos doesn’t tell TK why he’s upset until TK pushes it out of him.

In 4.01, Carlos answers the dream venue call and immediately says he has to talk to TK first and then goes to TK and admits what is going on with no real plan and owns that he thought he’d have time to have a plan.

The growth can come from him apologizing for TK. The growth can come from Carlos appreciating TK’s support and realizing he needs to ask for help sooner from his fiancé.

Look, if they could make me get over my initial hatred of some of Season 3’s storylines and consider it one of my favorite seasons of TV, I’m willing to wait it out.

[in-my-shifting-era]

Some Days Are Harder Then Others

Eddie Munson (Angst that ends with lots of Fluff)

Warning: talk of the death of a parent and grief. Some mature language.

Summery: Reader is having a hard time with some personal issues and is canceling plans with Eddie and he wants to get to the bottom of why that is.

Authors Note: As someone who has experienced parent loss this is a bit self indulgent.Also my messages are open to anyone who has lost a loved one and needs someone to talk to. I may have cried writing this so be warned.

———————————————————————————————————

Grief is a bitch, that’s the easiest way to put it. They say it gets easier with time but after 7 years the wound still bleeds. Losing a parent at age 11 make’s grieving complicated and isolating. The loss becomes part of who you are and that means sharing the news with new friends and even partners that come into your life.

Eddie knew about your father’s passing from when it happened in middle school. Word traveled fast after administration was told and you where absent from school for 2 weeks only returning after the funeral service. He was one of the few kids that didn’t walk on egg shells around you when you came back.

You sat alone at lunch on your first day back. Eddie invited himself and sat with you. He immediately talked your ear off about the cool new pin you were wearing on your backpack. The pin belonged to your dad. It was from some band he liked and wore on a hat. Now it was one of the few things you had to remember him by. Eddie made a day that was destined to be hard and uncomfortable a day you met your best friend.

Eddie always let you grieve freely, he encouraged it actually. He’d ask you to tell him stories of your late father and he even gave you flowers on the anniversary of his death every year for you to put on his grave. You slowly fell for the metal head in your years of friendship leading up to a relationship your senior year.

Eddie likes to claim he repeated his senior year three times just so he could graduate with you. Now that you are finally graduating Eddie has stepped up his academic efforts to have at least a solid “C” in each class to pass. You study with him most nights and actually get him to do his homework with lots of breaks for cuddles and snacks.

So when you canceled your usual celebratory ice cream date for passing your math test on Wednesday with Eddie due to a headache he wasn’t hurt just concerned. Then you told him you had to watch your neighbors kid after school Thursday he was bummed but let it slide. His final straw was when you didn’t show up to school at all on Friday. He knew something was up and he was going to find out just what it was.

He completely ditched school after first period when he learned you had never shown up to class from Gareth. All the awful scenarios plagued his brain as to what could be happening with you. Did your car break down?Where you sick? Did you wanna break up with him and where avoiding him at all costs?

His mind raced until he made it to your house and seeing your moms car in the drive way. He put his van in park and practically ran to your front door knocking a little too eagerly. Your mom opened the door quickly and smiled softly when she saw Eddie with a worried expression on his face. He gave her a polite smile before he spoke. “Hello Miss y/ln, is y/n home? She never came to school today.”

Your mom actually really liked Eddie. Even before he was officially your boyfriend she always thought he was so polite and sweet. “Hi Eddie. She did stay home. She’s been having a rough few days and I told her to take a day off. She didn’t tell you she wouldn’t be coming in? You two are joined at the hip I figured you already knew.”

Eddie frowned at the thought of you not telling him something was wrong. Your mother caught on to this and spoke again. “She tells you everything doesn’t she? I actually had to pry this one out of her myself. She’s been missing her dad a lot lately. I think the thought of graduating without him around has finally sunk in.”

Eddie’s heart felt like it had completely shattered hearing that. He gave your mom a soft smile as he rocked on his feet gently. “I think I know where to find her now. Thank you.” She sent him off with a knowing nod and smile. She watched as Eddie walked back to his van and started on his way to find you.

Hawkins cemetery was a few miles from your house. Not an easy walk so he figured you drove. He was proven right when he could see your car from the entrance of the cemetery. He parks his car just outside the gate and walks in knowing how to get to your father’s grave from visiting with you before.

You sat by the grave marked with your father’s name. Tears stain your cheeks as you pick at grass that surrounds the garnet stone. “Graduating should be exciting right? All the bull shit of high school is almost over and all I can think about is that you won’t be in the crowd watching me walk across that stage. Ready to give me flowers like you always did when I accomplished something.” You wipe another fallen tear as you bring your knees to your chest.

Eddie finally makes it to where your sat, your shaky voice now clear as he approaches you. He goes to announce his presence but stops when you softly continue your talk. “Eddie’s going to be with me though. I know you never got to meet him but I think you’d really like him Dad. He makes me really happy and he treats me like a gentleman. Just like you always told me I deserve.”

A wide smile quickly finds its way to Eddie’edds face as he hears you talk about him to your father. He knows you like to catch him up on all the things going on, good and bad. His heart sores knowing he is something good in your life. Eddie steps closer and his feet meeting the grass close to where you’re sat. “Mr y/ln, I’ll do everything I can to get her those flowers for walking across that stage. She deserves it, for getting me there too.”

You look behind you quickly recognizing Eddie’s voice immediately. Seeing him makes all the confusing emotions flood over and your eyes fill with tears. “Eds .” You’re quickly enveloped in a huge as Eddie joins you where you’re sat in the grass letting you cry into his shoulder. “I’m sorry if I interrupted your time with him.” Eddie rubs your back gently as he speaks knowing how it calms you down.

You shake your head again his shoulder and attempt to steady your shaking breathing. “You’re not interrupting. I’m sorry I disappeared lately.” Eddie pulls you back a bit, only enough to be able to wipe your fallen tears. “You don’t have to apologize for anything princess. You are aloud to feel your emotions however you see fit. Just know I’ll be here for you. Even when the ugly grief clouds cast over head.”

You give your boyfriend a small smile and a nod laying your head against his chest gently. “I’m pretty sure you heard what I said about you to him. I ment it. He would have really liked you Eddie.” You take his calloused hand into yours and play with his rings gently. Something that has always soothed you.  Eddie pulls you closer to his chest. “I still aim for his approval you know. He may not be here to scare me straight into treating his daughter right but I still do everything I can to be a man he’d be happy to have stolen his daughters heart.”

You pull back gently and cup Eddie’s face with your hands and smile widely up at him. “ I don’t know how I get so lucky to find a guy like Eddie Munson but I’m not letting you go. Got it.” Before Eddie can even respond your crash your lips into his. He kisses you back instantly and pulls away after a short moment. “I’m not going anywhere princess. You’re kinda stuck with me.” Eddie tightens his grip around you gently and kisses all over your face making you giggle loudly.

Once he stops he lets you catch your breath and he smiles down at you. “I heard something about getting you flowers at graduation? Do I get a bouquet for myself as well?” You roll your eyes playfully at his comment and lay against him as you talk about graduation and make plans for what will happen that day. Your dad being involved in every step of the way.

[langermanns]

discussing alters

ok well. now im going to actually talk about the system itself because nobody is listening so that means i can say whatever i want. and make it look pretty so i can organize my thoughts better. yaaay

blake — also known as michael because i felt stupid naming him after blake langermann. anyway. a few years ago i was leaning really heavily on outlast 2 to work through some stuff because i thought i was in a safer space to deal with things that i had never been able to revisit and process before. but things were sooo bad during that time period, he ended up shouldering a lot of the damage and i guess ended up becoming a whole separate alter. so i would say he exists to deal with this specific brand of yucky feeling. (should mention that he is me right now. like. fronting.) both in dealing with what happened in 2019-2021 as well as the stuff i was originally dealing with. he just makes me think of cold miserable weather, the silence of snow, being alone in the woods, cold seeping through your socks. that post-traumatic feeling. and he tends to be a lot better at articulating his feelings than the host. at least in regards to those specific traumatic time periods. when its the host fronting, i dont really want to talk about any of it. and if i try, he ends up creeping in and either making me shut up entirely or i get like this, where i just yap yap yap about it.

hush — not sure i know how to talk about her. she's sort of an early version of blake. an extension? but she came first. and i have a lot of complicated feelings about her for a number of reasons. first, she's a girl. i mean she is me, and i used to be a girl. im okay with saying that. but there is that element of dysphoria in referring to myself as a girl. also just the fact that she's younger. definitely a representation of myself from back then. and i try to keep her away most of the time, if that makes sense? like, i dont want her to front, and if she does, then i want her to be protected. safe and alone. i dont want her out and about, i dont want her around anyone at all. she can sit in my room and play video games until we go to sleep and i wake up normal. i could probably make a whole separate post to talk about her but idk if i want to. i think i panic a little at the fact that she exists at all, so i try to shove her away to protect her, but then im kind of mistreating her by not acknowledging her? i dont know. its complicated

adam — bro this guy. i hate him. if i had any doubt about whether or not i have at least 1 solid, distinct alter, he is that. persecutor. angry, he is so angry and violent and awful. you know in the perks of being a wallflower, where charlie blacks out and beats the shit out of that kid? that's adam. literally. i have done exactly that. so i guess he serves as kind of a protector, in the sense that if there is an issue he will solve it (with his fists). but he's also just so angry he doesn't care who he hurts, including himself. he's just a stupid pitch black pit of rage. its not that i cant control him, because ofc i have the sense not to hurt the people i care about (besides like, being a little grumpy towards them). but at the same time i kind of genuinely cannot control him, i cant control when he fronts, and i cant calm him down when he does. it is worrying bc i know how much damage he can do, and in my "right mind" i would not do any of the insane shit he does. which obviously does not excuse me from the consequences of his actions, because those are still my actions. we are one person. but i can look at him and say that he is separate from me. to the rest of the world we are one person, but i know that he isn't me.

ok well. i think thats it? i wont bother talking about the host because thats literally just me. i mean not exactly, because im fairly certain that blake is fronting rn (forgot to mention that the only time i feel comfortable talking about system stuff is typically when blake is fronting, lol). but the point is, the rest is just me. ^ these three are just the people that i can recognize as "not quite me." with adam its very distinct, and with blake and hush its like... you guys are different, but im the only one who really knows that. so. yeah. idk i have more thoughts but thats enough for now

[arodrwho]

i should just write a fic, honestly, but. effort. briefer aro odo concept:

odo's underlying loneliness is the focal point

the arc centers around his desire for emotional intimacy, his fear that he will never truly connect with anyone, and his fear of abandonment

it does not center around his friendship with kira specifically, so while several emotional beats do involve kira (she is his oldest friend), not all of them do

other notable focal points include: quark, the great link, garak

there are occasional beats with worf and jadzia as well as miles and keiko (they'd end up seeing more of each other bc of kira, so)

plot beats in roughly chronological order:

plant seeds shortly before we learn about the founders & the great link. a bit of brief, understated sadness when kira starts spending more time w bareil. a bit of brief, understated sadness during an interaction w quark

after the great link, linger on odo - there was the connection he's been wanting all along, wasn't it? but he can't allow himself that

add a B plot to an episode - odo wrestling with whether quark considers him a friend and if so how he feels about that

during fascination, lwaxana assumes odo is in love with kira because she is not immune to amatonormativty (she senses his muddle of affection, longing, and vague jealousy & makes Assumptions). her comments leave odo confused

during heart of stone, a muddled confession. it doesn't feel good. he's relieved to discover it's not kira, and that relief helps clarify things for him

during early s4, more focus on odo's developing friendship w worf

during crossfire, the first part of the episode focuses more on odo & worf. odo's not bothered by shakaar until kira skips out on their gossip sesh. then quark accuses him of being in love with her, and odo gets REAL mad. he's still distracted in the elevator, but it's more discomfort than jealousy. doesn't lurk outside kira's date, goes back to work w worf. still is so distracted that worf solves it before he can. worries that worf doesn't respect him, and kira doesn't want to hang out with him. withdraws from them both at the end of the episode. quark too - though he still soundproofs his floor

this withdrawal continues through the following episodes. we see that it hurts kira's feelings, and it bothers quark, and it doesn't make odo feel any better

during the muse, lwaxana realizes odo is not in love with kira and never was. apologizes for the assumption. tells him about aromanticism. offers him some advice. leaves, as in canon. odo then goes & talks to kira, ending his weird period of avoidance

after body parts, odo tries to be normal about kira moving in with the o'briens. he's a little bit sad, because they just started talking normally again and now she's pulling away, but that's his own fault & he knows it

after broken link, odo's lonelier than he's ever been. he spends a lot of time at the bar, ostensibly drinking, but also to see quark. he meets with garak for breakfast. fleeting interactions, they don't feel like enough

also tries reading smut & the like, to see if it feels any different as a solid. it doesn't. that's strangely comforting

during looking for par'Mach in all the wrong places, he notices how kira feels about miles. kira still tells him to drop it, but when he realizes she's going to pull away from miles, he tells her that won't help, and it'll only make them both miserable, trust him. kira looks at him curiously, and we see her wondering, but she doesn't ask. odo suggests keiko is aware of their feelings and doesn't mind and they should all just talk

after that episode, miles & keiko & kira are all together, and kira's still with shakaar. odo feels really distant from her, but he doesn't actively pull away this time, he's just quietly sad

talks to her somewhere in there. not sure where. but she makes time for him

<3 the ascent <3 no notes, no changes.

after the begotten, kira mentions was hoping he'd drop by after the birth, and he would've been welcome during. he's a calming presence, she says. we linger on the beat between them, discussing kirayoshi & the baby changeling

odo never quite deals with the extra loneliness & hopelessness he felt as a solid. he pushes it away and ignores it

during children of time, the alt. odo says that often worried about losing her, but her death was worse than any lonely futures he'd imagined. kira misinterprets this as a romantic declaration. at the end of the episode, odo corrects this assumption. he awkwardly explains that he's just...lonely, sometimes. he never tells her alt. odo killed the timeline for her

during behind the lines, favor the bold & sacrifice of angels, the female changeling doesn't say odo's in love with kira. capitalizes instead of his feelings of isolation, on the way he sometimes misses people when they're right in front of him, on the way it's never enough. they still link. over the next it's all about how kira and quark and garak could never truly care about him, never truly connect the way she can.

fascinated by the discarded storyline where odo withdraws after this on the grounds that no one can trust him anymore. i think that tracks and i'd run with it for a while - but i wouldn't have him interrupt the wedding with it. he'd stay quietly for the ceremony, leave early in the celebration, keep to himself, and then make his announcement the next day

odo appears infrequently enough after the wedding in you are cordially invited that i think he keeps to this resolution (to everyone's dismay) for the next 13-ish episodes

then during his way, odo's time in the holosuite is completely different - just regular socializing, in a desperate attempt at a facsimile of connection. if they're only holograms, he can't hurt anyone and can't hurt himself. he ends up with vic's program by accident, he'd requested something else, but ends up sort of liking it. vic produces holograms of his friends. (odo talks about them and vic recognizes the names, it's not a huge leap.) talking to them is painful, the holograms are nothing like them really. anyway. vic does the same thing as before, except instead of a date it's just like. an arranged hangout. kira knows it's real, odo doesn't. odo ends up explaining himself and apologizing not realizing kira is real. then finds out she's real. and well. oops. he runs away. the big argument on the promenade ends in a hug instead of a kiss

later odo finds out quark gave him the vic program on purpose, well aware that vic's a meddler. quark odo awkward shoulder clasp in lieu of a hug

yes <3

[ahungeringknife]

January 29

Ryker’s family had a helmet for generations. It talked sometimes. Made of white rock and the soul of some ancient master made into a god. His grandfather showed it to him as a boy and it had been his construction hat back in the day. He said it could become other things to fit into different time periods.

When his grandfather died six days ago there was quite a talk about who’d inherit grandfather’s living helmet. Ryker didn’t believe it talked like some of his cousins and siblings. And the helmet had been sitting on a mannequin for years and years unused. The last thing Ryker worried about was his grandfather’s weird helmet and instead was more concerned in helping his distraught mother plan and prepare a funeral for her father.

The funeral was lovely and lots of people came. Then when the old man had been buried his executor read the will. Everyone got a little something but the house, the estate? Who got the bulk. Ryker fully expected it to go to his mother. She was always closest to her father and her family visited all the time. More than his cousins ever did at any rate.

Instead the executor said, “And my estate and all items not mentioned previously shall go to — Alngar- Al-al-ngar,” having to sound out the strange name. “Whoever Alalngar choses.”

The table sat in quiet confusion at that. Who was Alalngar? “Who’s that?” Ryker’s aunt Rita asked.

“I haven’t a clue. That’s just what it says in the will,” the executor said, equally befuddled.

“It’s the helmet,” Ryker’s mother said. “That’s what he always called his silly hard hat.”

“Isn’t that… you know?” one of his cousins asked but didn’t want to say aloud that it was living armor to someone not in the family.

“Yes.”

“That’s bullshit,” his uncle said. “Left it up to the fairy tale,” he got up and left angrily. Grandfather hadn’t left him a lot in the will.

The executor was thanked and Ryker just hung around while his mom and Rita talked. They both believed in the living armor but Ryker wasn’t sure it wasn’t his grandfather going senile early when they’d been Ryker’s age. After a bit of back and forth Ryker realized they wanted to go to the old man’s house and see Alalngar, put it on. Ryker didn’t like that idea. Not because it was wrong but his grandfather said no one else was ever allowed to try on the helmet. It was special.

“I don’t know how I got roped into this,” Ryker complained as he was stuck driving his mom and aunt back to his grandfather’s place. They just said he could be a bit less grumpy about the whole thing.

They got to the old house and went in. He’d built it himself they always said. That was why he had a hard hat even if he’d never been in construction. The helmet was right where it’d been the past ten years every time Ryker came to visit, on a dummy head next to his grandfather’s chair. His mother tried it on first but said it hurt too much. Then his aunt Rita tried it on and she complained it also hurt.

They both looked at him expectantly next. He rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll try it,” and he took the hard hat.

It fit reasonably well. Then Ryker nearly jumped out of his skin when, in his ear, a voice said, “Where’s Jacob?”

“What’s wrong, dear?” his mother asked.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Rita said.

“… It’s a magic helmet,” Ryker said.

“Well of course it is.”

“It talked.”

“Of course I talk,” the helmet said in his ear. “Where is Jacob?”

Jacob? It took Ryker a minute to remember that was his grandfather’s actual name. “Did it talk to you?” mom asked him.

“He’s dead,” he answered the helmet.

The helmet slid off Ryker’s head in a way he could only describe as liquidy and formed a puddle of pure white like spilled milk on the floor. “What’d you do?” Rita asked.

“It asked me where grandpa was,” Ryker said.

“I think it’s crying,” his mother said.

“But its a helmet.”

“It has feelings, dear,” his mother huffed. “Same as you or me.” She was able to scoop it up but it was some strange non newtonian liquid and wouldn’t stay solid in her hand. “Ryker, you try,” she said.

“But-

“It talked to you. It didn’t talk to me or Rita.”

Frowning Ryker crouched and tried to scoop up the white goop that used to be a hard hat. As soon as he touched it he could hear it. “My poor Jacob. What now? What now?” it just kept repeating it over and over.

“Um… Alalngar?” Ryker asked, feeling foolish.

“Hmm? Yes. That’s me.”

“Grandpa Jacob said in his will that you got to pick who got to keep the house, and I assume you,” he said. “Nothing bad’s going to happen to you.”

“What’s it saying?” Rita asked nosily.

“He— uh, he misses grandpa,” Ryker said.

“Oh poor dear,” his mom said.

The white goop became a gleaming white baseball helmet. “You’ll do for now I suppose,” Alalngar said.

“… What?”

“I said. You’ll do,” Alalngar said again.

Ryker turned dead white. “What is it?” Rita asked.

That was when Ryker realized the baseball helmet had a number 6 on it. He’d been number 6 when he’d played varsity baseball in high school and when he did pick up games with friends at the park. He was number 6. He picked Alalngar up and stood up. “He uh… picked me,” he said slowly. Rita looked shocked, his mom clapped excitedly. Guess… he had a new magic helmet. And a house.

Oh geeze.

Deep Water Prompt #2652

A piece of living armor is nothing if not loyal, so the use of someone else’s is significant no matter the circumstances.

[yuus-sentient-teddy]

"Yuu-Yuu hurt." Part 4

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 5

Minor parts of the teddy bear had to be patched up. Small twigs and leaves were glued to its fur and overalls by some mud, and while giving it a bath, it recalled what happened the night Yuu disappeared.

The teddy assumed Yuu was going to the bathroom or taking a walk around the dorm, but then they began putting on their sneakers instead of their slippers. They didn't say anything when it asked where they were going. It followed them outside, into the greenhouse where they took one of the gardening tools and the kitchen where they swiped something from the cabinets, and out of the campus down the winding path leading to town.

They were silent the entire walk, and when they entered the surrounding forest, they didn't pay attention to a branch that cut their arm. They walked for a while; it seemed to get darker and scarier too. Then there was a giant building in middle of a clearing with big double doors, which were open wide. The teddy bear followed Yuu inside, but it quickly lost them among the crowd that was gathered in the middle of the room.

Someone grabbed the the teddy while it was finding them and tried taking it away, but it escaped and hid around the building until it could escape.

It was like something out of a book, but it certainly explained a couple of things. By the time it finished its story, the sun had risen. As worried as they were for Yuu, the First Year Squad had to hope that Yuu could hang on a little longer and went to notify the headmaster.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The police could not find anything.

The teddy bear led them to the clearing where the building was, but there was no building to search. It was an empty space save for a few flowers and patches of grass that thrived despite the grainy soil, which hinted that something used to stand in the area. Samples were taken and detection spells were casted, but there were no traces of magic and no traces of anyone having been in the area recently.

The teddy bear insisted that Yuu was there, that they were hurt, and as this was the only solid lead the force had, they closed off the area for further investigation.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Anything?"

"No."

The First Year Squad were on their phones or had a holoscreen pulled up. Since the orphans' disappearance, the Squad gained the habit of checking news outlets during the lunch period. The third week was a weekend away from coming to a close and no new leads had come up.

There are sighs as the Squad put down their phones. The teddy bear's ears droop down, mimicking Jack's, and it leans against Epel. He pats its head as Deuce clenches his fists. "Damn it, how much longer is it going to take? I know that the police are doing what they can, but there has to be something that they picked up on."

"I'm pretty sure this is something that has never happened on Sage's Island before. I wouldn't be surprised if they're scratching their heads," Ace says.

"The last incident involving the kidnapping of orphans happened a century ago in the Queendom of Roses. The culprit had been caught eventually, but it took a while to track them and the orphans down," Ortho says.

"Ever since the Ramshackle Prefect's kidnapping, the young master has been in a foul mood," Sebek says, shaking his head. As if on cue, thunder rumbles overhead. Ortho visibly shrinks into himself, but Jack puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "He was even willing to join the volunteer search party. Truly, he has the most compassionate of hearts."

Rolling his eyes, Grim adds, "The ghosts have been telling me that everything would be fine, but I'm starting to think they're saying all that to comfort themselves."

"It's too bad we can't look at the clearing ourselves. Maybe there is something the police had missed that we might notice," Epel says, sighing.

"Wait. Why couldn't we do that?" Grim asks, sitting up. A hopeful expression was on his face; undoubtedly, he would refuse to let this idea go like how he would possessively hold a tuna can reward. The teddy bear slowly rises and starts climbing onto the table, detecting a change in the mood.

"Hang on a minute, you can't just do that! It can be dangerous since the kidnapper hasn't been found yet! Not to mention, we would be getting in the way of the authority's investigation," Jack says. He casts a sorry glance to the teddy bear.

"But it's been almost three weeks and it's just like what Deuce says: they should have found something by now."

"We don't know what they're doing behind the scenes."

"It might be good to report to the young master the state of the scene after thoroughly checking it in person," Sebek muses, crossing his arms.

"Not you too. . ."

"I say we go and check it out tonight. I can't stand waiting around any longer!" Grim declares.

"I don't know. . . I don't want to get in trouble with the authorities. It might ruin my chances of getting into an academy," Deuce says.

"Yeahhh, I don't want to risk a run-in with an officer neither, even if I'm not going to an academy," Ace says. "And in case you guys forgot, it's Thursday. You'll fall asleep the minute you sit down from searching all night."

"There's a possibility that they'll stop searching the area," Ortho says. He projects his results onto the table and the Squad lean over them. "I've found reports on kidnappers using pocket dimensions to hide people and moving them to different places. The police might consider this and expand their search to other parts of the woods."

"Wait, isn't that just another reason not to go to the clearing?"

"Not quite. [Insert teddy's name], is Yuu still there?"

The teddy bear nods its head fervently. Ortho turns to the group. "See? We wouldn't get into any major trouble for searching an unneeded place."

"If the police decide to leave this weekend, we could tell our dorm leaders that we're having a sleepover at Ramshackle to keep Grim and [insert teddy's name] company and then sneak off campus," Epel suggests, excitedly looking around the table.

". . . The thought of deceiving Lord Malleus and Sir Lilia uneases me," Sebek remarks.

Ace sighs. "Well, look at it this way. You're doing this for the greater good, which is reassuring Malleus, and I doubt they'll let you go if they hear what you're actually doing. Besides, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, in case they do find out."

He shudders, adding, "Let's just hope mine doesn't."

"Mine too," says Epel.

"I thought you were against this, Ace," says Jack.

"Well, I was, but if more than half of us are going, then I guess I'm going too."

"Then that leaves Jack and Deuce," Grim summarizes.

Deuce had donned his thinking pose and startled to attention when his name was said. "I still don't want to risk anything!"

"I'm not going." Jack crosses his arms.

"At the very least, you both can come to Ramshackle to keep the charade going," Ace says. "Especially you, Deuce. Dorm leader's going to get suspicious if only one of us goes."

"Well. . . all right."

"Then it's settled! Jack and Deuce will stay behind in Ramshackle while the rest of us investigate the site," Ortho cheers.

"Hey, I didn't agree to anything!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was as though luck was on the First Year Squad's side: the police announced that the clearing would be reopened to the public and the investigation would continue in a different area of the forest, where there was a new lead, and weather forecasts promised a clear weekend.

Saturday night was slightly warm and a cool breeze flitted by every so often, bringing with it the faint salty scent of the sea. The last to enter Ramshackle Dorm was Ortho, who was followed by a couple of drones carrying parcels. "Sorry I'm late. Idia wanted to make some last minute adjustments to my accessories. By the way, would it be okay with you all if he comes along too?"

Looks of disbelief were exchanged among the group. "Uhhh. . . sure, but isn't he uncomfortable with being outdoors?" Ace says.

"He's going to be using his tablet. One second!" Ortho reaches into a parcel and pulled out a black-screened device. He presses the power button and tells his brother the good news.

Idia had shrieked and verbally wondered who turned the tablet on, but became quiet when Ortho spoke. "O-oh, that's. . . great." Idia then started murmuring about grinding and being able to meet the level requirements for a quest in time, but was interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

Jack sputters when he opens the door. "D-Draconia-senpai!"

"Lord Malleus?!"

Turns out Malleus and Lilia had heard the First Year Squad's plan--they had strong hearing, after all--and no, neither were upset that Sebek didn't tell them the whole truth. This was out of care for Malleus and Yuu, nothing wrong with that in Lilia's books and certainly not Malleus's.

"So what are you here for then?" Grim asks.

"I would like to join you all in your search, if you will allow me."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The original plan had the group search for 4 hours in the forest while considering that the teddy had to show them the way to the clearing and that the travel would take a while. With Malleus joining the team, however, they would have an additional hour and perhaps more thanks to his ability to teleport. After double checking their equipment, the group left the dorm.

"So I was right in listening to my gut."

Out of the shadows, multiple figures step into the path of Ramshackle's lantern lights.

"Dorm leader!" Ace and Deuce cry fearfully upon seeing the red-head. There were similar reactions from the other freshmen upon seeing their respective dorm leaders; as for Grim, he hid behind Ace and Deuce.

"We're here too," Trey says, arms crossed and Rook standing beside him.

"W-what are you all doing here?"

"I got a text from Lilia saying that you all might be heading to the clearing. We wanted to see whether you would actually go or not," Cater explains, waving his phone for emphasis.

"You guys were waiting out here?"

Lilia sighs and steps up to Malleus. "I knew you would want to join the moment we heard Sebek and his friends scheming. I surely thought you would have more care and awareness towards your actions by now."

"I do. The younger Shroud has confirmed that no one would be bothered by our visiting the site."

"The news said the investigation had moved to other areas," Epel supplies.

"To other areas. There is still the possibility that they'll return to the original site," Vil points out. "It wouldn't be a surprise either. The teddy bear had told them it was where the building stood."

"So are you here to bring us back to our dorm?" Epel nervously inquires.

"If we don't, you all would get suspected of being involved with the kidnappings and we'd get an earful from the old crow for not keeping a better eye out," Leona grouchily says, yawning at the end. "Can we get going already?"

"I'm surprised you would go along with this, Jack. You're usually so stubborn about keeping out of trouble," Ruggie says. "Most of the time," he adds under his breath.

"I-I didn't want to."

"Deuce, you said you wanted to become part of an elite division in the police force, didn't you?" Riddle says.

"I did, dorm leader, and I was against the idea in the first place, but. . ."

". . . and you, Idia." Vil turned from Epel to the levitating tablet. "I'm surprised you would let your younger brother do something so reckless."

"N-now hang on a minute! Ortho can make his own decisions and he knows what the consequences are and how to avoid them."

"Do you remember what I said before, Malleus?" Lilia prompts. "That I would notify the other dorm leaders if you tried joining the search party? That you must remember that your position as the heir will bring severe consequences if you get involved with sensitive matters?"

"I understand, Lilia, but I have not been able to rest easy since they disappeared."

"We were only going to look around, not touch anything!" Epel pleads to Rook.

"I can see the passion burning brightly in your eyes, Monsieur Crabapple. It loathes me to extinguish it, but we must keep you and your friends safe."

". . . and you, Grim, will be coming to Heartslabyul from now on."

"Wait!" Attention turns to the staircase, where Yuu's teddy bear stares up at them all. "Are Yuu-Yuu, Grim-Grim, and [insert teddy's name]'s friends not going?"

Some of the students shift uncomfortably or fidget. "Sorry, [insert teddy's name], it's. . . not something we can do at the moment," Cater says.

"But. . . but Yuu-Yuu hurt! Yuu-Yuu needs help!" It wasn't a claim--it was a statement, and the conviction in its voice was as undeniable as the presence of the small, neat stitches on its ear and arm. It waddles up to the group. "Friends help friends. And Yuu-Yuu is friend."

There was a moment of silence as the students of NRC mull over a response. Some wouldn't use the term 'friend' to describe his relationship with the Ramshackle Prefect, but at the same time, he didn't mind them hanging around or appreciated them coming to see him, most of the time with a warm presence. Okay, so he likes them, but that doesn't quite mean the two of them are buddy-buddy. At least, it's not like something you would see at Royal Sword Academy.

Grim suddenly growls. "I don't care if you make me write a thousand-word essay or clean all the dishes in Heartslabyul! I'm going with [insert teddy's name] to find Yuu." He goes to stand beside the teddy bear.

"I'm going too."

"Me too." Epel and Deuce take their place on the other side of the teddy bear. Ace joins Grim soon after, saying, "The more people that look around the area, the faster they can leave and pretend weren't there at all."

"I agree, and with my accessories, the search will be even faster." Ortho stands behind the teddy bear.

"Sebek, if you wish to help search despite all that has happened, you still have my permission," Malleus says. "As soon as you are finished, notify me immediately back in Diasomnia."

Sebek is disappointed that his idol won't be joining the search, but he nods earnestly anyway. "I won't let you down, my lord." He stands beside Ortho.

"Jack, you still coming with us?" Ace calls.

There is obvious conflict on the wolf beastman's face. Leona huffs and says, "Jack, just go with them. They can use someone with a sharp nose and I know you won't do anything that'll put you in jail."

"Huh?!"

"You heard me. Unless you want to come back to the dorm, then follow us. Just hurry up and choose."

After a beat, Jack nods. "All right. I'll be careful." He takes the position behind Epel and Deuce.

Vil lets out a long sigh. "All of you are--Rook, what are you doing?"

"Would you be willing to accept a hunter's assistance?"

"Oh for goodness's sake."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somehow, one by one, the dorm leaders and their vices join the search party. During the briefing, a familiar voice called from down the path.

"Hey! Wait up!"

"Wait, is that Kalim?"

"Is it too late for newcomers to join?"

Not too far behind were Jamil and the trio from Octavinelle. Jamil sighs and said, "Trust me, I tried keeping him in Scarabia, but he wouldn't let up."

"What about you, Azul? Why are you, Jade, and Floyd here?" Riddle asks.

"Isn't it obvious? We want to help settle the nerves of the dear freshmen."

"I happened to meet Kalim and Jamil in the halls and heard from them what was happening," Jade said. "Of course I had to let Azul and my brother know."

"Yeah. Our dorm's based on the benevolence of the Sea Witch after all," Floyd added.

"Somehow, I doubt those are the real reasons why," Grim mutters sarcastically.

[thebradleybradshaw]

Ok how is my boy Hangman acting when he finds out he finally got your pregnant? 😏

ok stop this is actually adorable here you go baby let's day dream together:

going to add this under a readmore and add a tw of pregnancy for anyone who may be uncomfortable with that topic <3 you are safe and you are loved here

You guys had been trying for months on end to create a child. Of course, you didn't mind the baby making, but your heart dropped every time the negative test came back. You wondered if the possibility would ever happen for you. After a certain amount of negatives, you almost gave up.

That is until your period was 5 days late. That was the very first sign. You had also noticed a bit of nausea throughout the day, when normally you were fine. Should you take another test? I mean, what else could it hurt? Just say negative again? Screw it.

You stopped by the pharmacy on your way home from work. Anxiety coursed through your body the entire drive home. You greeted your husband, giving him your usual welcome home kiss before you scurried to the bathroom. If he didn't know about the test, you couldn't break his heart for the millionth time with another failed test.

You went through the instructions, that you knew by heart at this point. Your hands were absolutely shaking as you waited for the few minutes. Jake knocked on the bathroom door after noticing you were gone for quite some time.

"Babe you okay in there?" He asked from the other side of the door.

No answer.

"Babe?" He asked again.

Tears prickled your eyes as you held the test in your hand. Two solid lines were staring you right in the face. Positive. It was actually positive. You let out a shaky breath as you opened the bathroom door. Jake stood there with a worried expression.

You said nothing as you held out the test for him to see. He took it in his hands, glaring down. You watched as his face gave way to several different emotions until it landed on a smile.

"Oh my god," he laughed, "we did it."

Butterflies filled your stomach. "We did it," you whispered.

Test in hand he picked you up, spinning you around in his arms. There were tears and laughs, relief and happiness flooding you both. He refused to let go of the test. For the rest of the night, he kept you on his lap, gently rubbing onto your stomach where your child was growing. He looked at you with such love in his eyes and the only thing on his mind was the family you were going to have.

[uwuwriting]

Tamaki, Todoroki and Shinsou  in a secret relationship....and how they got caught.

Request: Hello I love your blog and since your requests are open I would like to request Tamaki Todoroki and Shinsou being in a secret relationship for a long time and how they got outed. If you could write something similar for Semi, Akaashi, Kenma and Sakusa from Haikyuu you would be a blessing. I love you!!!! - anonymous

Awww of course I’ll write for the Haikyuu boys as well. I’ll write later this week or the next and since its almost midnight here HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHINSOU!!!! I have a special soulmate au as I usually do for my husband!!!! I’m sorry I’m not getting to those soulmate aus quicker 😣😣😣😣. Love yaa.💖💖💖💖

rules 

warnings: fluff

Amajiki Tamaki 

-He’s so shy omggg.

-How did you manage to get him into a relationship???

-He loves you to the moon and back. 

-Would do anything for you. 

-You two were in the same class all through out high school and during your second year he asked you out. 

-Okay not exactly. 

-You were studying in the library together during a really bad storm when the lights went out. 

-Loud lightning followed and you jumped out of your skin. 

-You were terrified of lightning and being paired with complete darkness you were petrified. 

-Now Tamaki had had a crush on you since early last year and seeing you so terrified and vulnerable he pushed through his anxiety for a split moment and wrapped you in a hug, stroking your hair soothingly as he tried to calm you down. 

- “I-I’ll p-protect you. I-I w-won’t let a-anything h-hurt you..... ever.”

-That’s how your relationship began basically. 

-He comforted you and kept you safe, shielding you from your fears. 

-Everything else is history. 

-Now you are both third years in your respective hero studies with a bright future in front of you. 

-Your relationship has been kept a secret mainly because both of you don’t like making your private lives public. 

-Only Nejire and Mirio know. 

-Surprisingly they have kept it a secret. 

-Fatgum has a suspicion that Tamaki has someone in his life, someone really important. 

-So important he had called in one time claiming that he had an emergency and wouldn’t make it to the agency. 

-When Fatgum asked, Tamaki began stuttering and mumbling about someone really close to him being sick and needing help. 

-In reality you were on your period and had awful cramps.

-You were feeling like death, curled up in a ball on Tamaki’s bed and refusing to move. 

-You had begged him to go to his hero study but he claimed that you were more important, not going to the agency for an evening wouldn’t mark the end of the world. 

-Then Chisaki happened and Tamaki was badly injured. 

-Your agency was stationed outside so you couldn’t help him or know what had happened. 

-You had a broken arm after the fight and was being escorted to the ambulances when you saw Tamaki being carried on a stretcher blood running down his cheek as his arms and whole body was covered in bruises, cuts and so much blood. 

-Your feet moved on their own accord, sprinted through the crowd ignoring the calls of the medic until you reached your boyfriend. 

- “Tama? T-Tamaki baby wake up.”

-Fatgum saw you touch Tamaki’s cheek with your good hand and how, when the boy weakly opened his eyes, he placed his own hand over yours. 

-Tears were running down your cheeks as you looked at him, following the medics as they placed the stretcher in the ambulance. 

-They told you that he would be fine and that you should find another medical team that could take care of your arm. 

-Everything fell apart though when you saw Mirio and Sir Nighteye. 

-Everything was a mess but Fatgum noticed how you would always look back to Tamaki’s ambulance as it drove off. 

-In the hospital you didn’t leave Tamaki’s room, insisting on getting your bandages changed in his room refusing to get your own and leave his side. 

-Fatgum was happy for him. 

-Especially when he went to visit and found Tamaki holding you close to him. 

-Your head was over his heart as he gently massaged your back, tears falling down your cheeks once again. 

-Then he kissed your forehead and Fatgum knew that this wasn’t a moment he wanted to interrupt. 

-When he did visit along side Kirishima he didn’t lose a bit before he asked about you. 

-You were surprisingly not beside him deciding to visit Mirio again to see how he was coping. 

- “So... what’s her name hm?”

- “W-Who?”

- “Your girlfriend!!”

-Tamaki burst into a deep blush as he tried hiding his face in his hands. 

- “Come one I’ve seen how she looks at you and how you kissed her OH so lovingly on the forehead the other day was the cut-”

- “Y/N! H-her n-name is Y-Y/N.”

-Kirishima is standing there, jaw almost touching the floor when you open the door and peek inside. 

- “Oh! I’m sorry.... I-I’ll come back later....”

-Okay now Kirishima is already kind losing it because he didn’t expect his shy senpai to have a girlfriend. 

-So when Tamaki lets out a very low, slightly above a whisper, “But bunny....” he freaking snaps. 

- “WHAT!!!!”

- “Kirishima we’re in a hospital!”

-Get ready to be bombarded with questions....poor you.

-At least you get to sit next to Tamaki while you are being interrogated. 

-They insisted on that saying that they wouldn’t keep Tamaki away from his girl...Tamaki is burying his face in your hair....shy baby.

Todoroki Shouto

-Okay so your relationship is a secret because of his dad. 

-He wanted to shield you from his toxicity. 

-Plus Shouto knew that his dad would force you two apart and he couldn’t let that happen. 

-So you are his little secret. 

-Only his mom knows about you.

-Shouto took you to meet her after your one year anniversary.

-He loves you so damn much he could die. 

-So seeing the two most important women in his life interact and get along he melts. 

-As you say your goodbye to Rei she hugs you, thanking you for taking care of her baby and that your secret will be safe with her. 

-Then she moves on to Shouto as you wait in the hallway. 

- “I like her Shouto. She really loves you. Please take good care of her.”

-Boy falls in love with you all over again I swear to god. 

-Now you spend a lot of time in his dorm. 

-When I say a lot I mean it. 

-You remember how Shouto managed to remodel his room in an afternoon during their first day in the dorms. 

-Yeah that’s what he does for your dates. 

-Since you can’t risk going to outdoor dates very often since it’s very easy for a paparazzi to spot the son of Endeavor.

-Especially if he is holding hands with someone else. 

-Natsuo actually warned you about that and he was the one to suggest dorm dates. 

-He had taken his girlfriend out on a diner date and the next day they were all over multiple tabloids accompanied by multiple calls from Endeavor. 

-All Todoroki children hide their s/o’s......even Fuyumi. 

-Anyways back to Shouto. 

-You spend so much time in his room that you tend to leave some of your clothes there. 

-You change into his hoodies in his room so forgetting your shirt there is a usual phenomenon.

-Plus you do the dirty so.... scattered clothes.

-Now Todoroki is friends with Momo.

-And Momo is friends with you. 

-And she has seen your closet on multiple occasions. 

-She knows your clothes.....you see where I’m going with this?

-Todoroki was struggling with some chemistry problems and you were out doing your hero studies. 

-You had apologized to him multiple times and had suggested Momo as the perfect tutor. 

-That’s why Momo is now alone in his room as he is making tea in the kitchen, looking at what seems to be like one of your favorite sweaters. 

-You had gotten it during Christmas and wouldn’t take it off for a week straight. 

-You had basically brainwashed them by how often you wear it. 

-Why was it in Todoroki’s room though?

- “Todoroki-kun why do you have L/N-san’s sweater?”

-He froze.

-You had stayed the night last Monday and you had been wearing that sweater. 

-He remembers it vividly since he was the one who took it off.....along with your bra.......that he threw somewhere in the room.....AND MOMO COULD FIND AT ANY MOMENT.

-Momo was starting to get worried because well....he had been standing at the same spot for a solid minute staring at absolutely nothing. 

-Standing up she went to shake his shoulder when her eyes caught a bright red fabric peeking out from under the desk.

-Brushing past him she crouched down and grabbed the fabric revealing the red bra. 

-Todoroki snapped out of his shock state the moment Momo reached for the bra strap. 

-He couldn’t stop her though....

- “T-Todoroki-kun.....” 

-And as if things couldn’t get any worse, his phone started to ring as your photo appeared on the screen your name replaced by a heart surrounded ‘babygirl’.

-Todoroki groaned at well everything. 

-Momo was blushing like crazy STILL holding your bra. 

-You two had a lot of things to explain. 

Shinsou Hitoshi

-I’ve said this before. 

-You never meant your relationship to be a secret. 

-At least not in the beginning. 

-You two just never acted like a couple and people assumed that you were just good friends.

-Then you heard Aizawa scaring a boy who had made Mina cry so.........dating his special trainee while you were one of his FEMALE students?

-Nope.

-A secret it is.

-Aizawa is a protective dad and you can’t change my mind. 

-You have a collection of hoodies you have ‘borrowed’ that you wear only inside your or his dorm. 

-And while you sleep. 

-Falling asleep surrounded by his scent is heaven. 

-Aizawa has caught you twice wearing his hoodies.

-Once when Shinsou got turned into a baby and once when you went to get water and he scared you shitless. 

-Aizawa knows about yalls relationship. 

-You can run but you cannot hide child. 

-Anyways. 

-You had a box full of Polaroids from your dates. 

-He knew how happy you were when you two took photos that’s why he bought you a Polaroid. 

-Now you can print your photos and decorate your room. 

-Shinsou is an insomniac.

-We’ve been knew. 

-So on the rare days when he feels kinda sleepy but he misses you so badly he can’t really fall asleep he’ll sneak in your dorm and have an impromptu sleepover. 

-You don’t complain of course. 

-You love to snuggle up to him.

-Also this boy loves wrapping you up in his arms.

-Snuggles snuggles snuggles. 

-Irrelevant information: he has you saved on his phone as kitten and your contact photo is you hanging upside down from the ceiling wrapped up in his capture tool. 

-He had tried teaching you to use it and you somehow managed to climb on the bookcase trying to remake that scene from Tarzan but the cloth got caught on the ceiling fan resulting in this hilarious photo. 

-Back to your sleepover.

-He falls asleep like in the blink of an eye.

-Your sleep that night is the best both of you have had in a fat while. 

-Plus the fact that its the weekend lets you enjoy each others warmth for as long as you like. 

-YES YOU SLEPT IN!!!!

-Being friends with Mina and Kaminari is a ride. 

-Sero and Bakubro and maybe Kiri in some occasions are damage control but they get tired and let you take care of the children. 

-You had promised to go out shopping that morning, a plan you totally forgot when Shinsou tapped your window last night. 

-Giving Mina a spare key to your room was the worst decision you could have made considering you were in a secret relationship. 

-When you didn’t show up on time the two idiots waited for an hour before they made their way to your room.

-Using the spare key she pushed the door open letting out a long “Y/N-CHAAAAN!!!” which scared the soul out of your bodies. 

-You let out a startled scream that woke Hitoshi up who without missing a bit pulled you under him shielding you from whatever made you scream. 

-It was purely on instinct to save and protect you hfqpirhfhsod so cute!!!!

-Mina was left staring at the scene in front of her while Kaminari was calling Sero begging him to come to your room. 

-I don’t know how they didn’t attract dadzawa.

-You would get your ass whooped. 

-Shopping was long forgotten as the whole Bakusquad came one by one in your room waiting for the tea to be spilled. 

-Mina and Sero were angry since they have tried time and time again to hook you up with multiple of their friends, Bakugou didn’t care but he approved, Kaminari and Kirishima were threatening Shisnou if he ever were to break your heart. 

- “I love her you dumbasses I’m not going to hurt her!!!”

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@iwaqchan​  @the-arcana-fan-fic​ @angelwritings​ @axerrri​ @reinyrei​

[fruitcoops]

Sometimes I forget that Leo is 19 and can’t drink in the states. I think he would get away with stealing drinks from the boys or having someone on the team order for him in public for a while but once the season’s started and people are actively watching the games, the bartenders and wait staff start to figure out who he is and catch him being sneaky

I only write drunkenness on a case-to-case basis because it squicks me out sometimes, but something about this ask really stuck with me. To @lalalasocks, I hope your sinuses feel better! Have some outside perspective of Coops to soothe the soul <3 SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for a drunken rookie (no explicit alcohol)

“Pots and I are going to take it up the left,” Sirius said, never taking his eyes off his whiteboard as he drew out the lines of the play. iPads were generally the more conventional tool, but he had a thing for tradition and Sirius Black’s flair for the dramatic never ceased to amaze. “Knutty?”

Leo nodded and leaned forward, swiping a drop of sweat off his temple with a glance toward the game as Talker flew past. “I’ll be in for the rest of the period as soon as Coach calls it.”

“Bien.” He tapped Remus’ shoulder pad with the end of his pen and marked a path up the other side. “Loops, the puck is coming to you fast, so you need to keep eyes on us. Once you get it, turn on the jets and get it in. Good?”

“Good,” Remus confirmed, bumping fists with James. Leo watched them with no small amount of surprise—even though Remus had only been a player for six months, their line was rock-solid. James was the powerhouse while Remus flashed down the ice; Sirius counterbalanced them both in the middle. He was grateful he wasn’t the one to see them coming at him on plays.

“1, 6, 7, 12!” Coach barked. Leo clenched his teeth around his mouthguard and got ready to hop the boards. A swish of skates, a bump of Kasey’s shoulder, and it was game time.

-----------

“I love you,” Leo hiccupped, plopping himself down in Logan’s lap and tangling a hand in his dark curls. He went to kiss his cheek, then frowned. “Oh.”

“Hi,” Sirius laughed with a gentle pat his side. “Good night so far, Knutty?”

Leo made a face. “Where’s my Canadian?”

“I have no idea.”

His lip slid out even further into a pout. “He told me I could sit on his lap,” he whined plaintively, resting his head in the crook of Sirius’ shoulder with a heavy sigh. The bar was warm—a little too warm, actually—but it felt nice to be sitting on something soft rather than feeling the sticky floor under his sneakers. And there was one more reason he needed to find Logan, one other highly important thing… “An’ I gotta give him a kiss.”

“Do you want to go look for him?”

Leo made a noncommittal noise and swung his leg under the table absently, letting the alcohol in his system lift all his post-game tiredness away. His head hurt a little from being awake so long. “How ‘bout I stay here and wait?”

“I think it’s about time to get you home.”

Leo sighed again, picking at a string on the knee of his ripped jeans. “Am I squishing you?”

“Non.”

“Mmkay.” A bright square of light half blinded him and he squinted. “Who’re you texting?”

“Finn.”

“Why?”

“So that he can pick you up and get you home before you fall asleep on me,” Sirius said, quite amused for some reason. “Comfy, rookie?”

He shifted even closer into the warmth and closed his eyes. Usually he got horny when he drank, but that feeling had already passed and a nap was sounding awful nice. “I like it when you call me that. Hate when other people do it, but it’s different with you.”

Sirius gave his upper arm a light squeeze. “Glad to hear it.”

“Used to drive me nuts,” he snorted. “Those first couple’a weeks on the team were rough.”

“…why?”

“Cause I had a huge crush on you.”

Cozy silence fell between them until Sirius moved to look at him. Leo blinked sleepily. “You what?”

“Well, Kasey was my first crush, right? I had his jersey an’ his poster an’ he’s fucking hot, but you’re the captain.” Sirius was so nice to him. Not everyone would have let a 6’4” hockey player sit on their lap and wait for their boyfriends. At the moment, though, Sirius looked a bit like Leo had thrown ice water in his face. “And obviouslyFinn and Logan are my boys and I love them so much and they were sopretty when I met them but, y’know, it’s the thrill of the captain vibe.”

“Am I interrupting something?” a new voice asked through poorly-suppressed laughter.

Leo turned his head to look up with a smile. “Hey, Loops, how’re you?”

“Pretty good.” Remus shared a look with Sirius, grinning, before taking the seat next to them. “You two look…content.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Sirius said immediately, though Leo felt his chest hitch with a laugh; he tapped Leo lightly on the elbow a moment later. “Finn’s heading over, d’accord?”

“But I just got here,” he mumbled.

“You’re in my spot,” Remus teased, sliding a glass over. “Drink up, bud.”

Leo narrowed his eyes. “What is it?”

“Water.”

He thought for a second—he wasn’t thirsty, but his mouth was getting dry—and yawned, sitting up enough to stretch before grabbing it. In two gulps, it was gone. “Aw.”

Remus bit his lip and passed a different glass over. “You can have mine too, it’s okay.”

“How are both of you so nice?” he asked, looking between them in something like distress. The music was getting too loud, but they were both watching him intently. “It’s not even fair, man. Can’t you just be an asshole for once so the rest of us don’t look bad?”

Sirius shook his head and pressed the water cup into his hand. “Been there, done that. Do not recommend. Besides, the designated drivers don’t get to be mean.”

Leo felt a little better once the water was gone; he blinked slowly, scanning the crowds for any signs of Finn’s hair or Logan’s ass. Both were identifying features he would never get tired of. “Loops?”

“Yeah?”

“Why is your hair soft?”

“I—” He tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Have you ever touched my hair?”

He leaned back against Sirius, stretching his legs out until his knees popped. “No, but it looks soft. Like Finn’s, if Finn was blonder and had curls. Fluffy.”

“It’s very fluffy,” Sirius confirmed, pulling him up a little more.

“Hey!” Leo protested. “Watch the hands, your boyfriend is right there!”

Sirius rolled his eyes with a huff. “I was making sure you didn’t slide off the bench.”

“Sure,” Leo said with a suspicious glare. “Just ‘cause I won MVP for this game—”

“Okay,” Sirius groaned, standing and detangling his limbs to transfer Leo’s weight onto Remus. “I’m going to go get your boyfriends from wherever they got distracted, and then you’re going to go home and sleep so you’re not dying at practice tomorrow. Oui?”

He disappeared into the mass of people without giving Leo time to respond, wiping his hands on the thighs of his jeans as he craned his neck to see over people’s heads. “Rude,” Leo sulked, cuddling up into Remus’ side instead.

“I know, right?” He took a sip of something lemony and Leo pulled a face. “What?”

“Aren’t you DD?”

“Last I checked, DD’s are allowed to drink lemonade,” he laughed, patting the top of his head. “That was an awesome save in the third, by the way. You could’ve got the hat from that one alone.”

“Which one?” Leo yawned again, licking his lips to rid them of the stickiness he could feel forming.

“The splits one.”

“Mmm, yeah, that was pretty badass.” More people darkened his periphery and he scooted over to make room. “Hey, mes amours.”

“I hear you were bothering our dear captain?” Finn asked, kissing his cheek with a grin. There was no alcohol on his breath, only the mint from the peppermint candies he always stole from the little container by the bar. “Come on, baby, time to go.”

“But Loops and I were talking,” he whined, though it only took a small tug on Finn’s part to get him to snuggle up into his soft shirt. “He was telling me how good I did in the game.”

A warm hand stroked his hair out of his eyes; warmer lips brushed his forehead, and he felt Logan’s hand on his knee. “Bedtime, love,” he said in a quiet voice, almost too soft for Leo to hear over the noisy bar. “Wanna be in the middle?”

Leo looked up in hope. “Really?”

“Ouais. C’mon, Knutty, up you go.”

He wobbled a little as he stood, but got his feet under him within a few moments with the help of Finn’s arm around his waist and waved off everyone else’s offered help. “Gonna be fine for practice,” he promised, patting Sirius’ hand with a nod. “Totally fine, don’t worry. Go—hic—go grind on your boyfriend, ‘kay? You both need it.”

“Sweet Jesus,” Sirius muttered. “I pity your head in the morning.”

“I’m fine,” Leo scoffed. He was already sleepy—there was no way he would have a headache, not after he had two whole glasses of water. “G’night.”

“Drive safe,” Sirius and Remus chorused as Logan fit himself under Leo’s other arm to kiss his neck twice, sending butterflies through his stomach. The outside world was nice and quiet; Leo barely got himself buckled into his seat before dozing off with his head against the cool passenger window.