#There are probably some typos in here
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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i cant even fully explain how much i love bill and mabel's friendship. they paint their nails pink together. throwing sleepovers with candy and grenda, he is like a girl dad but uncle to all of the girls. (including pacifica, shes also a guest on parties when she isnt busy)
bill gives mabel dating tips (poorly. these tips suck.) and all these tips suck bc bill is a pathetic dude. he literally whines to mabel every time ford is busy with researches and ignores him for five minutes. mabel knitted like a million sweaters for him with personal designs (sooo much doritos jokes)
and they dont allow ford, stan or dipper on their sleepovers. bill teaches girls how to play all sorts of gamblings and at first he was like doing all sorts of giveaways to girls but then he realizes that he cant actually win them in damn poker. he lost a lot of sweets that day. sweets and dignity
i have so much headcanons for them helppppp
#bill cipher#gravity falls#mabel pines#ford pines#stanford pines#gravity falls fanart#artists on tumblr#billford#implied ig?#its also like some sort of bill pines au so i also put this here#mr bill pines au#stan and dipper also kinda worried for girls bc of bills harmful influence on them#but stans influence is much more worce#in pos way#i mean look at bill he is literally that one gay dude in all-girls group#sorry for yapping i just need to say this how much i love their friendshipppp#i should probably stop this is so damn long of a post now#btw im so sorry for all the typos english is like not my native language...#no actually im not sorry i have no respect for this language/j
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Redstone and Skulk OC time :3
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b3044079e9474a95fb42e74b5a190515/9493b12f3d32a195-69/s540x810/967c7f319c97c12adf2f09372cad1835aa57482d.jpg)
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Thought I’d turn my persona into a rns oc and give them a helsmet :3 I basically looked at my play style in Minecraft and took a few things from my own life and combined them to create these two! Short version about them below and a little story of their origins under that:
short version:
-Leapday_art (short version Leapday, she/he/they, the player) is afraid of losing important things in their life. He is very cautious about doing anything that could result in him dying and loosing everything in his inventory (sleeps through the night everytime to avoid monsters, barely visits the nether, strip mines, etc) +the cats next to Leapday are two of my darling kitties who unfortunately passed away irl, their names are Toby (left) and Toes (right)
-Nightfall_collections (short version Nightfall, all pronouns, the helsmet) was created from Leapday’s extreme fear of losing valuables and her grief from having lost valuables too many times. Xyr driving goal is to collect and preserve everything that xe can and to make sure there is always at least one copy
-other things about Nightfall: she is a magma cube hybrid while Leapday is a ??? hybrid player (if you read the story below this may make more sense👀). Nightfall can split into smaller duplicates which allows them to be in more places at once and thus more productive in their goal. She uses her goop-like body to write reminders on her clothes, then re-absorbs the goop later
-I think Nightfall would find himself as an organizer between lots of different parties/people in Hels due to being so dedicated to his goal + only being dedicated to this goal (his alignment is probably chaotic good because he’s loyal to his own goals and not to other people or outside rules. He does not take bribes or backstab). Also, Nightfall does not need to have possession of everything, but xe is trying to keep tabs on where everything that exist is at(this makes xem the go-to person for trying to obtain something in particular)
-I think Nightfall would become a sponsor (if that’s the right word?) for the Order of Remembrance because she greatly admires the work they do to preserve Hels’ history. She would also love Zedaph’s hall of all and definitely tries to work with private collectors to protect (and document/track) what they have (and she will keep what she knows a secret if it means protecting valuable things)
-Nightfall does not care about thieves unless they steal one of a kind things
-the doodles below were my earlier concepts, so Nightfall has green eyes before I realized it’s much more fitting for xem to have orange eyes
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f3aee5cca1589950097e225d408a84b0/9493b12f3d32a195-d2/s540x810/76da7c1e0132c29220bde8bba754706cd5c593e5.jpg)
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okay, okay, story time (because I realized the ‘short’ version was getting very extensive):
Maybe it had started in the very first world she spawned in. A brilliant blue sky that stretched over jagged, looming cliffs with forests scattered underneath. Trickling waterfalls and bubbling lava pits here and there. The natural beauty of the world left Leapday in awe and eager to explore what other wonders lay beyond the horizon.
It must have started with the first tree she broke, a squat little oak, one of hundreds in the forest. When the leaves of that little oak had all fallen, saplings littered the grassy floor. She should’ve been excited, feel triumphant even by taking down the tree, after all it’s how the journey had to start. Except, all that Leapday could see was the awkward gap in the canopy from the absence of the little oak. It felt like an itch unscratched, nagging and uncomfortable. Well that wouldn’t do.
They scooped up all the saplings littering the floor and planted one in the same dirt plot the little oak was uprooted from. Then they planted a few more just for good measure. The unease lingered, but planting the saplings felt good. It felt right. Now their adventure could truly begin!
——
In this world, Leapday’s only companions were the pigs and sheep that he passed on his journey, though he would argue, if there were someone to argue with, that the world itself brought him company enough. That the days and nights passing was a conversation between the universe and Leapday, and thus a consistent companion. And what gifts did the universe provide for him to find! Rushing rivers that fed into powerful oceans, plenty of trees to sleep in and collect, and mountains to climb with the best views of the sunset. Never a dull moment for him as there was always something new to experience and see.
However, despite all its gifts, the universe was slow to explain the finer mechanics of the world, such as health to Leapday. A week of traversing through thick forests and steep cliffs left them battered and bruised. They learned how to gauge the distance of a drop and how to place blocks to minimize the pain in their ankles from falls. A similar pain gnawed from the inside of their stomach, which they discovered was briefly satiated by devouring the apples that fell from the trees.
During one climb up a particularly harrowing cliff, Leapday learned about the unforgiving weight of sand by placing it under her feet in order to reach the next ledge. The block had crumbled in a near instant, sending her plummeting towards the ground. Instead of hitting the hard rocks below, she splashed into a stream from a nearby waterfall. When she had dragged herself onto land and her heart had steadied to a more familiar pace, she let out a fit of bewildered laughter that overwhelmed the panic from moments ago. She knew falls much shorter than this one could take days to recover from, so what kind of pain would she be in if she hadn’t gotten lucky and fallen in the stream? Something cold ran through her and sank to the pit of her stomach. Dread of what could have been, what could still be if she wasn’t more careful. She resolved to never find out what would happen. How unfortunate that her next fall would be into a pit of lava, the very one she had been camping at throughout the nights.
He was being careful, more so than he had been for the first week in this world anyways. That didn’t seem to matter because he had still slipped when placing the block before him and fallen. It was his first respawn, and it introduced him to a few new things like a punch to the face. The first revelation was the agony of burning to death, and death itself. He curled into himself, crying at the phantom feeling of the lava eating at his flesh. The intense heat and how the lava had trapped him in place and burned. It was a twisted version of the warmth of the sun, which was shining down on him and in comparison felt as cool as the air in caves. The second realization came slowly as the memory of fire ebbed. Their knuckles no longer popped and their joints no longer ached. The tightness in their muscles had vanished, leaving softer tissue on the bone and the emptiness in their stomach no longer hurt. They felt new and full of energy, ready to begin their journey again. How strange they had forgotten what this felt like. White scars from their oldest injuries and freckles from sun touched skin still littered their body. They had died, but now were in perfect health again. Leapday took in her surroundings, her face lighting up with delight at the sight of a familiar oak tree. It had grown into quite the study tree since the start of her adventure. Soon after her reunion, Leapday discovered her now empty inventory when she reached for blocks to place in order to climb the canopy. The absence of stacks of logs, dirt, and sand had her racing towards the lava pit before her mind could catch up. Panic pushed her feet to run faster and dodge every obstacle. She ignored nicks from branches in her way and the sting of sharp rocks on her bare feet. The timer was ticking down. Her items would be gone- she just had to- if she wasn’t fast enough-
She burst through the tree line and was greeted by the familiar heavy heat of the lava pit. The sight of it made her recoil out of fear of falling back in even from many blocks away. On shaky legs, she circled the perimeter and searched for her items. The timer was still ticking, but they were nowhere to be seen! She crept as close as she dared to the lava and swept her eyes across the surface of the pool. Then she darted into the surrounding trees looking high and low.
Nothing.
No logs. No saplings or dirt or anything!
This was their third lesson. You lose items after death, and lava destroys those items.
Don’t die, especially not in lava, and don’t lose your items.
Now they had to start over, and this time not dying proved to be harder than expected. More falls and similar accidents happened. Zombies began appearing, persistent in their pursuit of Leapday’s flesh. Then skeletons, creepers, and spiders appeared and introduced many more ways one could die. The pain from the deaths hurt, but they became mundane as weeks turned to months. Loosing items became more painful and frightening when Leapday discovered crafting. More time and resources were needed to start over after dying with crafted items, so they took to the world underground. They followed their instinct to craft pickaxes and torches, to chip away at the stone in search of more sturdy materials. They crafted their first stone pickaxe and found it to be superior to the wooden one.
Maybe it truly started with that wooden pickaxe. When she crafted the stone tools, the wooden pickaxe sat in her hotbar, still good for half a day’s work but now obsolete. It had served her well to progress her journey, a necessary step, but it felt wrong to simply set it aside. It felt like the gap in the canopy all over again, but she very well couldn’t plant the pickaxe in the ground and solve her unease. Not sure what else to do, she attached it to her hip and went on with her day. She wouldn’t destroy it or toss it, she would simply carry it with her until she found what she needed to do with it next. It became her new companion (it was her first crafted tool. It was the first and therefore the only one that would ever exist).
Now equipped with wood and stone blocks, Leapday built their base over their mine. The wooden pickaxe found its place over the doorway leading outside, marking the build as their home. It felt right, so they continued their expansions. Farms were planted along a nearby river and fences placed to corral cows and sheep. Torches were the one item they were generous with. They were thrown across their property liberally since their light would deter creepers spawning too close for comfort.
During a thunderstorm that had picked up abruptly one morning, Leapday poked around at their communicator. It was a lightweight device that had been attached to their forearm since first spawning into the world and never disappeared after dying. After lots of fiddling with the different menus and buttons on the screen, they came across YouCraft. It was an archive of videos made by other players scattered across the universe, documenting their own worlds and progress! With the storm still crashing down around Leapday’s base, they curled up in bed and began watching the first video that caught their eye. It turned out that he had lots more to learn about the universe! After waiting out the storm, and then the night, by watching these videos, he learned about other biomes and blocks still left to discover as well as potions, enchanting, and other dimensions! A dragon was where this journey led for most players, though some took their time getting to it. Above all, he realized he needed diamonds. Diamonds were what every player sought due to their strength, but they were rare and dangerous to collect being so deep underground. They were needed to further Leapday’s journey however, so collecting them became his top goal. Quickly he learned how impossible achieving this goal would be. Well, it seemed impossible after spending days underground chipping at the cold stone and coming up empty. Strange echoes rang through the tunnels and more than a few times paranoia of something (or someone. He had heard the legends of Herobrine) sneaking up on him was enough to make him hole up for hours. Grey, grey stone that went on for miles. Grey cobblestone trailed behind him when his inventory filled. Leapday found other minerals, but the sparkling teal of diamonds still lay buried elsewhere. He mined for so long he began to doubt that the rare mineral even generated in this world. That only grey existed. That was until he broke away the next layer of stone before him and found himself staring uncomprehending at the bits of teal poking through stone. Uncontainable joy broke through his shock like sunlight through parting storm clouds. They were real! Diamonds were real and right in front of him! Invigorated with new energy, Leapday got to work extracting the diamonds just as they had seen others do. The amount paled in comparison to the stacks other players had, but in that moment he didn’t care. It was enough to have found them and confirm they even existed in this world. That weeks of sore arms digging at indifferent stone and unsteady gravel caches falling finally amounted to their new prized possession.
By the time he arrived back at his base, the novelty of finding diamonds began to wear off. He had to admit it was a measly amount. Just barely enough for a diamond pickaxe. What good would a stronger pickaxe be with no enchantments or replacements for when it broke? It had taken so long to find just a few diamonds what were the chances of finding more? No, they wouldn’t craft anything with the rare mineral until they had enough for spares and back ups. So back to the mines they went, and excruciatingly slow they found more, and continued to reason that crafting them was a poor decision. What if an accident happened and they couldn’t get back to their stuff? If they were swallowed by a pit of lava? So much time would be spent only to be wasted. Almost like their thoughts and fears had manifested it, a freak lava incident happened not long after. Leapday had been feeling good that day, so good because their most recent mining trip had yielded 13 diamonds and another cluster just across a lava lake. As they bridged across the lake, plans of finally crafting their collection of diamonds began to form making them giddy. It was the type of giddy that made any obstacle feel like child’s play and beyond consequence. That they finally could start progressing on their journey once more. It was enough to distract Leapday from the crunch of gravel under their feet and for their pickaxe to swing off its mark into the unsteady floor. The ground gave way and sent her tumbling into the lava.
She woke up screaming in her bed. Screaming from agony of ghostly flames that ate flesh, and then from loss and frustration. It wasn’t fair! Her luck had just turned up for the best and now all of it was gone! Every plan to use the diamonds tossed out the window and into a burning pit of despair. How stupid of her to not notice the gravel! All that time for nothing! She should have called it a day and come up 13 diamonds richer with plenty of levels for enchanting. All her gear and tools and items from mineshafts would still be intact, but no. Her head was too far in the clouds and now it was gone. She hadn’t even had the foresight to mark the cave to return to, so sure of her victory. There would be no hope navigating the twisting and sprawling tunnels below, and even if she tried to go back, the sight of lava would probably be enough to make her hurl. Fat tears began dripping down her face as she cursed and wallowed. They blurred his vision, so with a few steadying breaths and a final gross sniffle, he wiped at his eyes. Then he went to swing his legs over the bed to pick up the pieces of his day and froze. On his hand, both hands actually, were thick black smudges of… of something. What was that? He reached up to his face and traced the wet tear tracks with a clean finger. It too came away covered in the strange goop. An incredulous laugh burst from him, which evolved into hysterical crying. More tears fell from his eyes and he let them. The tangled web of grief in his chest unraveling as he did so, and he felt the last of his energy drain away until-
Sunlight trickled through the curtains and roused Leapday from their sleep. Birds were chirping and the familiar sounds of the animals grazing and leaves rustling cradled their mind while the events of the previous day trickled back to them. They felt heavy and gross. Their eyes crusty and mouth dry as a desert were a sure sign of their emotional distress. Disappointment felt like stones being dropped on them when they pulled up their empty inventory. It really was all gone. They let their head flop back onto their pillow and took a steadying breath, trying to recount the reasons they should get out of bed. Maybe they would stick to the joys of the world above ground for a month or two. Take up weaving or painting. They had plenty of resources to finally build a barn and an expansion to the house. Maybe they would go with a grassy roof.
Yeah. That could be alright. With one final sigh, Leapday pushed themself up off their bed and dragged themself over to their cauldron to clean up. They could see from their reflection that only a few faint smudges remained on their face, which they gently wiped away. Crying black goop was probably not normal now that their mind was more stable to think it over. Or maybe it was normal? It had never happened before, but the players on YouCraft all had their own quirks that Lepaday lacked, so maybe it was normal for them?
It turned out the inky tears were a new normal. From that incident onward, whenever they experienced a great sense of loss the strange tears formed and sank into the ground. They appeared when Leapday lost their first wolf companion and when they accidentally deleted a creative world full of builds of an ambitious project.
Meanwhile…
in another world…
In Hels, black goop bubbled to the surface of a sea of lava. From a distance, the surface seemed its usual hungry self, shifting and popping as it patiently waited for Hels and its inhabitants to finally crumble in. The goop was not consumed by its hunger however. It stretched towards the netherrack shore like a snake in water. Once it had gathered all of itself onto more solid ground, it sat and waited for more of itself to arrive, bouncing and bubbling over the terrain in the meantime. They could only wait so long however, after all, there was much to collect and preserve and too little time to do so.
And it’s finished! Whew, I don’t typically write, so this was a lot to work on amidst all my finals projects (totally worth it tho! It was great practice). I wasn’t planning on writing so much about leapday, but then I realized the interesting potential of writing about players when they’re new to the world. If they are akin to gods, they still enter the world with a lot to learn. The goop at the end is Nightfall, who then went on to travel Hels and collect as many blocks and items as xe could before xe came across the city Evil X established. At first they were incredibly overwhelmed by the amount of stuff to preserve in the city and mostly stuck to collecting free scraps and garbage. It probably did something to gain the attention of a member of the Order of Remembrance, who taught Nightfall about their goals and a few things about how society/Hels worked. From there, Nightfall set off to establish a massive collection and documentation of anything and everything, working with people in the process but also quite an eccentric personality that can be quite a hermit when buried in paperwork (not many people are willing to do paperwork as diligently as Nightfall)
Also, YouCraft is YouTube in the Minecraft world :P I felt I needed to separate it from our version of mcyt because in this universe the characters are real and making videos about their lives rather than people playing a video game (at least that’s how I’m headcanoning it)
thank you @silverskye13 for providing some more lore about Hels and the Order of Remembrance (as well as Redstone and Skulk as a whole <3) as well as inspiring me to keep trying to improve my writing and thank you to @/yayforocs for inspiring me to finally make my own rns OCs and this post :3
#If I had a nickel for every time I designed a goopy character that has that ‘tism stare I’d have two nickels#which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice#Also I’m not familiar with using neopronouns but wanted to try so hopefully the usage is correct#And even though I use multiple pronouns for myself I’m still not sure how to use multiple pronouns in writing so hopefully that’s okay#So yeah that’s leapday and nightfall :) I’m not sure if I have any more plans to work on stuff about these two#probably just some drawings but I feel satisfied with this#I don’t want to insert nightfall into hels with a bunch of lore that might contradict what’s in rns#Wowza look at you! You read this far why thank you :3 here is a super secret item that will aid you in your time of greatest need#*hands over something vaguely shaped and seems possibly tangible if you look at it from the corner of your eye*#redstone and skulk#my ocs#my art#traditional art#watercolor#I tried to find all the typos but it is late and I would like to post this
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FALLOUTOBER DAY 1: OKEY DOKEY
#fallout Lucy#fallout tv show#fallout#inability draw hair strikes again#I am so looking forward to some of these prompts#a lot of these prompts seem to be geared towards the show.. I’m probably not going to do that though#let’s ignore the fact that it is in fact stupid early on the 2nd here :/#falloutober#falloutober 2024#falloutober2024#typos! art tag
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Happy Caffrey-Burke Day 2024!
YAY! My second Caffrey-Burke Day fic!
SUMMARY: When Neal's plan to avoid Peter's camping trip are thwarted, both men find healing around an open fire.
A/N: For the Flufftober prompt, "hoodie weather" ! thank you @enolaholmes18 for the prompt!! I was just needing some post-canon some fluff between the boys. I hope you enjoy! <3 And happy CBD!!
lol warning this fic has ALLLL the FEEELLSSS and the author did not hold back anything. 🤣
@operationmorewhitecollar
#caffrey burke day 2024#white collar#white collar fanfic#did I reference fox and the hound again YES#is Neal singing YES#white collar spoilers#did I rush post this and are there probably some typos?#also yes#but here it is and I hope you all like it 🥹
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I feel like I still don't tuoe super well online. Especially on my phone. K made a post about this yesterday (so maybe I'll reblog that one later too), but I just wanted to get a chance to vent about this again. Because it's annoying that my fingers seem to always end up pushing the wrong buttons on the keyboard and then lesve me with all the stupid typos and problems. In fact, I want to make a point here. So I've left some of the tuos I made while writing this in the post. I didn't correct some of my typos (even though they goes against my general nature), just so you can see how bad my typing skills seem to be. Because i hate this problem, and I enst others to see it in action too.
#it seems the typos happen more on my phone than on my tablet#but they probably happen on both devices#I find it really annoying#so i left some of the typos in here to demonstrate#phone#my phone#typos#spelling#autism#asd#neurodivergent#autistic#my thoughts#adhd#actually autistic#audhd#rant#ranting#rant post#rants#sigh
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The thing the people don’t tell you about re-parenting yourself/similar gambits is that for bitches of a particular temperament (it’s me I’m bitches) it sometimes makes you so so mad when it works. Sold all my baby dolls in a garage sale when I was eight not because I didn’t want to them anymore but because I thought I shouldn’t want them anymore, and now the only thing that had me sleeping like a rock after fortnight of hells is this elaborate LARP so I can convince my central nervous system that there is someone in charge who a) wants to take care of shit and b) can take care of shit.
RSD emotional hangover making you too agitated to sleep even though you’re intellectually aware the conflict is resolved? Not anymore with the power of making dairy-free chocolate milk and listening to ten minutes of Dune on audiobook while reading alongside on your e-reader before you pass the fuck out.
Like you would think cringing into the sun* would keep one even more awake than the vague background radiation of little-T traumas (which has actually reduced after five years of medication and psychology appointments), but I guess it is really about quantity over quality. Guess one big cringe is less impactful than the relief from convincing the quivering little toddler that’s been left in charge of the sleep lever in your brain to come out from under the desk and do their job by putting up a sort of flimsy curtain so they can no longer see the wall of painting symbolising your mild disconcerting experiences
And I reference temperament when I know that my annoyance is in fact also a huge part to do with socialisation, particularly being primed towards abnegation + a fundamental suspicion towards adults engaging with things culturally associated with Children and Childhood, both of which are things I challenge on principle consciously/intellectually. But knowing that it’s completely harmless, and like hey I could be doing meth or something, does not change the fact that when I mimic the running commentary I do with babysitting kids Just In My Head To Myself and immediately become head-nodding sleepy, I’m instantly like “oh we respond to this and not a haunting amount of melatonin? cool. yeah. sure.”
(*Of course none of this is cringe when other people do it, as they are allowed to experience Quirks and Vulnerabilities in peace because they are Not Me. That said, when I’m not venting on tumblr dot org I do generally avoid calling any of this stuff cringe bc I am aware that caveating with “This only applies to me because I’m Not Like Other Girls (I’m Worse)” often doesn’t actually make the other person feel assured you’re not judging them.)
#whatever that post is that’s like#having a mother should be in the dsm and also not having a mother should be in the dsm#we’re running out of options here gang!!!#like fundamentally that is my annoyance I think#like I don’t want my mother having been sick/not fully recovered from her own trauma to impact something as ‘mundane’ as sleep#also there’s all the complexities of like I didn’t enjoy being a kid very much the first time around#like I wasn’t physically unsafe and I did have some emotionally safe adults like I can always have been worse#*it can always have been worse wow rip Freud you would have loved my typos#(actually he probably would have loved this whole thing lmao)#but yeah like Being A Kid was the worst part of that era of life if that makes sense#the fact the demonstrated solution is Tactical Childhood LARP is just like booooooooo human body do better#also obviously I worry that this sort of thing would impact my ability for have a partner or kids or w/e#but I also worry about that with everything mental health#I suppose the difference here is my many many thoughts about the infanalisation of women in general#and autistic/nd/disabled women in specific#but like if someone is marrying me - a research academic - thinking they’re getting a demure and malleable small bean#like they’re an idiot that’s on them lol#anyway#delete later#?#we’ll see how I feel#it me
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deciding (and realizing based on the way i write and think abt it) that no matter what bellum is not making it out of swabbie rank. he’s put at the lowest rank of whatever hierarchy linebeck decides to adhere to no matter what, no matter the au. bellum can be practically a stowaway or romantically involved with the captain but he is swabbie while link made it to first mate in a handful of months and while being like twelve. bellum gets the mop. to humble him.
#only fair that the minor demonic god is swabbie. cant give him too much. tags are a mess on this one btw#anyways secret criteria for being first mate is autism. you gotta be autistic to have actual authority on that ship#…..link would have some flavor of authority in post ph then. i need to thinm on that#salty talks#fuck uhhhh#post-ph#bellum#forgot what i was talkjg abt with this tbh. like what the context was#i know i was thinking abt how linebeck always refers to human bellum as a swabbie or some other low rank in the shipfic#GOD im sl fucking bad a mobilee typing normally i fix typos n shit and im sojng some ln the fly but twice now ive typo’d and instead#writtien ‘fuck’ instead if some other word. also im tired ig but god i hate typing on mobile so fuckint much#<- longest ive gone without bothering much to fix typos. hate it here (on my phone) anyways. i cant remembee the wider context to this#idk what rank damien would technically be. he helps with repairs and technically everyone does swabbie stuff#tbh with how linebecks ship is being swabbie probably isnt too bad aith how ive figured hes extremely loose with it n does everything#i thinm i wanted to say smth ph related and came up with this#the mobile typos frustrate me so bad rn its exacerbated by. something. but i kinda fucking hate it its not really funny or anything#also the mess of accidentally hitting the nimbers button and switching the keyboard. god. lol#anyways. squid on swabbie duty for forever sucks to suck man shouldnt have killed all those people. whatever
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hi sorry I've been dead. again. like /gen sorry i rlly wamt to vibe on tumblr but im tryinf rlly had to farm on some games (wuwa and jp pjsekai) along this some things came up with my family so im bussier than usual. barely have time to hop in discord and chat with my friends, less time to even check tumblr for more than a few minutes. even then im usually quickly spent, and i dont like posting or talking with others ehen im low on energy, nothing personal i just dont feel my best when tired. so yeah im gonna be real quiet for a bit, perhaps ill drop some drawings around these days (yeah the poll is still on my mind). so uh yeah bye bye ill be back in a bit with more energy
#you can still tag me or send me ask i dont mind at all#just be aware that itll probably take a bit for me to answer#i do need energy for posting since i make a lot of typos ans i spend like 15 whole mins correcting those /srs#love everyone here heart for the moots and my followers#got tagged in some tag games and i rlly wanted to do those but as i said i cant rlly do them rn#but i will do them. just. not rn. sorry
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who’s an OC you haven’t shared on here before :0?
ahhhh a bunch 😭 mostly because I have almost nothing on them.... But I'll pick one that is REALLY IMPORTANT yet barely developed. Sad!
So I think in other posts I've mentioned there's a titan beneath the colosseum? Yeah well those are "doomsday" titans, much, MUCH bigger than regular titans, practically country or continent sized. Got a bit inspired by iaconus from cbv as in these were buried a loooong time ago, being akin to gods. These titan's city speakers (and city speakers in general) disappeared, either because they went into hiding, jail, stasis lock or they just were killed sometimes 💀 in fear that they'd try to reawaken these titans. There's some prophecy or whatever of them waking up once again, destroying Cybertron and a whole lot of other planets in a struggle for power, but because of how much time has passed, this had pretty much been completely forgotten, spoken of as myths at MOST. There's around seven of these? And most of them are underneath MASSIVE cities since valuable minerals always surround them, as well as some odd energy that can be used to power up shit yadda yadda. They're technically dormant, but not fully powerless, as their influence can still take hold of feeble minds.
One of these rotten minds is an odd bot. Not quite an outlier, but not a regular mech at all either. Granted the ability to completely shape shift into whatever body he wishes, he goes by many names, but let's call him Armageddon. I'm still figuring out how he stumbled upon (one of. Maybe) the titans, and also WHICH one, but long story short, they promised power and glory. His mind was corrupted; after all, only city speakers can converse with titans. A destroyed world was a promise to start anew (he's just some doomer wacko and insane. think of the cultists from Dredge) with him as everyone's saviour and new chance of course, a loyal servant to the titans. Little by little, he's been looking for clues and pulling strings to awaken the titans and fulfill this prophecy, bringing in other impressionable and easily persuaded bots, always with the same promises: an end to the wretched today, and a chance for a fresh start, a clean slate tomorrow... Of course, there not doing all this thinking by themselves. Many swear they can feel something at the back of their minds, tugging at their thoughts
#Ask box#As you can see he has a very. Skewed perspective lol#LISTEN I THINK. TITANS COULD BE VERY COOL AND FREAKY#Also they ooze this like. Oil. Actually one of the Titans was badly injured. Where it fell it's blood spilled#And anything it touched was turned into a barren wasteland#Hell an entire section of the planet is almost completely inhabitable because of that titan#Also Armageddon IS various characters throughout the story just in different bodies. One of those alter egos is the one who runs the#Colosseum because like. It's right atop a titan so why wouldn't he#Also this ooze can grant some power. With a cost of course. There's a reason quinacridone has been king for so long#And why his ambition is a bottomless pit#Never full never satisfied#There's probably sooooo many typos bt typing on my phone from browser Tumblr is always so annoying#Also my projection moment here. I grabbed a bit from Armageddon's mindset with how uh... christians (at least the ones I was raised with lo#See the end of the world which definitely did shit to me but I can use that for stories now so 👍
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Aight y’all so here’s the deal. Saw a lot of people in the fandom were drawing the lovely @tulipsempai’s Iris, went, “ooh that looks fun I wanna try,” and got so into designing the outfit that I had to develop a whole concept behind it. The concept? Underwater themed masquerade. (because imposter = disguises = masquerade)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/75b9a6904cea728c026a0e6ad6228ffa/52a54563d1e734c2-ca/s540x810/797be717577c46f9be08ffc43e582cac65294fba.jpg)
#zari artz#iris the imposter#oh boy y’all here comes an over analogyyyy#ok SO. this outfit. is probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever drawn but ANYWAYS#yknow what if. what if just for one night Iris added a bit of color?#and if there’s gonna be color why not do it with some glowing baubles that resemble coral and/or bubbles?#while we’re at it let’s add a wide brimmed hat (for obvious reasons) and a big ol’ feather for that musketeer vibe#she’s holding a paintbrush#the dress kinda looks like a spider web (a web of deception if you will)#she’s painted waves in one arm. seaweed on the other. octopus tentacles around her neck like a necklace and bubbles on her face#truly went all out for the underwater thing#y’all when I tell you I had insane amount of joy from making this-#masquerade style outfits make me so happyyyyyy#there’s typos in the tags but they’ll lose the sincerity if I retype them so for all you human Grammarlies like me I’m sorry ;0;
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so tumblr just recommend a terf post to me, supposedly ‘based on my likes!’…. tumblr please tell me what the hell I liked, so I can unfucking like it.
Anyways while we’re here, a reminder, transphobes/terfs/radfems you are not welcome on my blog please fuck off
#tw transphobes#tw transphobia#taking a moment to rant in the tags because look#look#i KNOW you should just block and move on and that looking at the person’s blog will only make you made for no reason#….but this one was particularly fucking stupid and infuriating so now here we are#like sometimes people’s bios are just wild#like bro how the fuck can you be asexual and autistic and physically disabled and then still say shit like ‘trans people are mentally ill’#like are you fucking kidding me#and to specifically ask people to please be patient when talking to you because you’re autistic#but then have a whole blog dedicated to hateful gross bullshit ???#and to shit on people when they’re like hey that’s not correct ???#also how the fuck can the first line of your pinned post be ‘idc what pronouns you use for me but I’m female’ ??#what the fuck#also guys according to the terfs if you identify with the term queer you’re actually straight#and the only people who use the term are fem afabs who exclusively date masc amabs and want to feel special so some shit#fuck it’s 4am I’m too tired for this shit it’s making my brain hurt#anyway if you’re trans you’re welcome on this blog if you identify as queer you are welcome on this blog#if you ever see me reblog something were you know op is actually a terf lmk so I can delete and block them#this is probably riddled with spelling errors and typos but I’m tired and idc right now
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i miss ffxiv and i want to go home
#frillish has spawned#i haven't really played since sunday except for some roulettes with friends monday night#i could be playing it here but there's family with me making it complicated and weird to like. do things for fun#and i'm tired as fuck without my cpap so i couldn't stay up until they went to bed last night at least#the power might be out at home but it'll probably be back when i get home. might be back already. might not have gone out l#typo i can't fix. ok.
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TWO MOONS - L.HS
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1d16c8edd3e64bc987e2719489a0dad2/bbdc5109cc4000e4-ef/s540x810/245e0a76e2c6e9eb494b7b0f99dd704bf9cb3e20.jpg)
pairing. plug!heeseung x reader
genre. smut, 18+ content, one shot, drabble. MDNI!
word count. 4k+
warnings. drug & alcohol consumption, partying, swearing, sex while intoxicated, short smut [ dry humping, multiple orgasms, oral (f. receiving), fingering ]
synopsis. based off of this hard thought! plug!heeseung who likes you so much that he's convinced himself that you're kinda evil.
a/n. sorry this took so long lol hope u enjoy regardless :) no part 2 so plss dont request it but maybe some drabbles!! also not fully proofread so pls disregard any typos or grammatical errors hehe
Never in his life did Heeseung predict he’d be getting bitched around by a girl arguably much shorter, physically weaker, and far less intimidating than him. And yet here he was, shirtless in his kitchen at two in the morning on his third attempt of baking edibles all because you were too scared to smoke a little weed.
Fucking ridiculous.
It’s his own fault, really, he should’ve known that innocent, good girl persona you put on was all an act you use to control people – specifically men. Stirring the dessert batter in the mixing bowl, Heeseung shakes his head at the memory of you tilting your head and batting your eyelashes at him as you spoke, your perfectly manicured nails – that you probably got some desperate bitchboy to pay for – tracing and lightly scratching his bicep.
“So,” you started, dragging out the ‘o’, “how much do you charge for edibles?”
Heeseung shakes his head, tracing the rim of his half-empty red solo cup as he responds, “Edibles aren’t my forte. You don’t smoke?”
“Not my forte,” you say in a mocking tone, making Heeseung chuckle. “It’s just too much, you know? The smell, how quick it kicks in…not for me. But, uh, if you don’t make them I’ll stop wasting your time, then.�� You give Heeseung a friendly pat on the shoulder before turning on your heels, fully prepared to disappear back into the party and find someone who actually meets your needs.
“Wait!” Heeseung stops you, tugging on your arm until you’re back to facing him. He can’t fucking believe this bullshit manipulation tactic you’re using on him is actually working, he’s literally pulling on your arm like a child so you won’t leave him.
You raise a brow at him as you wait for Heeseung to continue, taking note of his sudden nervousness, “Yeah?”
“Uh…are you into, like, brownies? Or…”
The smirk you gave in response said enough, you’ve got him exactly where you want him.
He’d spent the next few hours browsing the aisles of Target, checking his phone every so often and checking off each ingredient as he tossed them into the bright red shopping cart. To make matters worse, you hadn’t even requested normal brownies, you wanted some shit he’d hardly ever heard of before: blondies.
It was bad enough that Heeseung already couldn’t bake for shit, and here you were demanding he’d make something he’d never even tasted before; you really are a master manipulator.
His third and final attempt at baking the blondies were a success, his three roommates taste-testing the fresh batch as a final confirmation.
“I can’t even taste it,” Jake says, his brows shooting up in delight, “you sure you’re not forgetting the main ingredient?”
“That’s the whole point,” Heeseung explains, cutting the remaining batch into neat squares, “YN doesn’t want the taste to be too strong, she likes when it’s more subtle and takes awhile to kick in.”
“Are you her wife or her plug?” Sunghoon jokes from his spot on the couch, taking a small bite of his own blondie.
“Neither,” Jay inserts himself into the conversation, taking a seat next to Sunghoon, “I’m sure he wants to be both, though.”
“Fuck off,” Heeseung snaps, momentarily narrowing his eyes at his roommates. “We just met, I’m just trying to get to know her.” He sets the knife down, reaching into the wooden cabinet to retrieve ziplock bags.
“You’re already her bitch, what else is there to know?” Sunghoon half-jokes, resting his feet on the ottoman.
“I am not her bitch.”
He totally is, if the way he’s hurrying to send you a picture of the freshly made blondies is anything to go by.
Heeseung * 2:47 AM
[Attachment: 1 Image] Yooo
YN * 9:06 AM
omggggg ur the fucking best how much??
You didn’t respond until the following morning, causing Heeseung to nearly jump out of his skin once he woke up to your texts. He turns on his side, elbow propped up against the mattress as he formulates a response.
Heeseung * 10:31 AM
1 for 10 or 2 for 15. venmo or cashapp But lmk if you want more
YN * 10:40 AM
no cash? :(
Heeseung’s about to go on a long winded explanation about how money transferring apps are quicker and more convenient than accepting cash when you interrupt him by sending a photo.
YN * 10:41 AM
[Attachment: 1 Image] plsssss i don’t trust cashapp and ive been having issues w my venmo acc :(
It’s a photo of the bottom half of your face, lips formed into a cute pout with your camera angled low enough to show off your cleavage. You weren’t even trying to be discreet, setting your forearm underneath your chest to make your boobs sit higher, the cheetah print material of your bra peeking out from under your too-small tank top.
Heeseung swallows hard, staring down at the photo with his pupils blown wide as his trembling fingers type out a response.
Heeseung * 10:50 AM
Actually you know what don’t even worry about it lmao Consider it a gift When r u free for pickup Or i can bring to u Either or is fine lol
YN * 10:59 AM
omg :o are u sure? don’t want u to lose out on money >.<
Heeseung * 11:11 AM
It’s fine dw about me baby U picking up? Or want me to drop off On campus is too risky
YN * 11:12 AM
thank u hee!!!!!!! im done with classes around 4:30 i’ll pick up around then if that works also u responded at 11:11…angel number u must be my angel :o
There you go again with your subtle manipulation tactics that Heeseung swears won’t work on him. If there really is angel out of the two of you, it definitely wouldn’t be you, but Heeseung’s not too sure he’d be considered one either. After all, in the twelve minutes it took him to respond to your message, he spent ten of them fucking into his fist as he stared at the photo you sent.
His mind conjured up countless scenarios; leaving hickeys and bite marks across your chest, slipping his dick between your tits as you held them together for him, cumming all over them, fucking anything. Desperate wasn’t even the word.
Heeseung * 11:13 AM
Must be :)
After a month and a half of being your personal baker slash bitchboy, Heeseung really is convinced that you’re using him, yet he doesn’t seem to mind. If anything he’s grateful, fully aware that if it weren’t for him being your plug, the two of you likely never would’ve crossed paths despite attending the same universities.
There wasn’t an ounce of school spirit in his body, so he had little to no urgency to attend any of the sporting events you cheered at or one of the many school-sponsored events you were required to attend. Meeting you at that party not too long ago had been his first encounter with you ever, and you clearly left him with a great first impression on him.
Since that night, he’s found himself conjuring up a new batch of edibles for you every week; brownies, cupcakes, cereal bars, whatever the fuck you wanted, and half the time he’d do it for free if it meant he got to give it to you in person.
He still hasn’t convinced you to actually smoke, though, but maybe it’s for the best. The mere thought of getting high with you and how you’d stare him down with half-lidded eyes was enough to make his dick hard — in fact, it already has. Several times.
Enough time has passed to the point where it’s obvious to everyone, yourself included, that Heeseung has genuine feelings for you that go beyond a physical and sexual attraction. Sure, he’s still convinced that you’re a little bit evil and definitely manipulative, but he considers it part of the fun. He’s also deluded himself into having the “I can fix her” mindset that he’s been using to justify his actions of ignoring your red flags.
However, even if he can’t “fix” you, it wouldn’t be a huge loss. Red is his favorite color, after all.
“You sound…crazy, and she sounds crazier,” Jake leans against the kitchen counter, raising a concerned brow at Heeseung as he takes a sip of his drink.
“I’m not crazy,” Heeseung corrects, “and YN is…I don’t know, honestly. Leave her alone, dipshit.”
Jake throws a hand up in defense, glaring when a fellow partygoer accidentally bumps into him, nearly causing him to spill his drink. “Rather be a dipshit than a bitchboy.” He mutters loud enough for Heeseung to hear before groaning, “Wow, speak of the devil.”
Heeseung turns, following Jake’s line of sight until he spots you walking through the front door. Stunning as always, your khaki mini skirt and black halter top fitting as if they were custom designed for you and only you.
Despite extending you an invitation to Sunghoon’s birthday party, Heeseung was fairly certain you wouldn’t show up tonight, assuming you’d be consumed with cheer practice or one of your many extracurricular activities to attend. Yet, here you were, a wicked grin on your face as you made eye contact with Heeseung.
He gulps in return, eyes wide as he watches you walk over to him and Jake.
You stand beside Heeseung, shooting him a quick smile before directing your attention to Jake, “Sunghoon! Happy birthday, king!”
Jake side-eyes you, briefly glancing at Heeseung before responding, “I’m not…you know what? Nevermind, thanks.” He takes this as an opportunity to exit the conversation, giving Heeseung a light pat on the shoulder as he leaves.
“Didn’t think you’d be here.” Heeseung comments, leaning against the kitchen countertop.
You shrug, “Wasn’t doing anything else, figured it wouldn’t hurt to stop by for a little. Besides, I wanted to see you.”
“Yeah?” Heeseung asks, tongue darting out to lick his lips.
“Yeah,” you respond, taking a step closer and resting your hand on his bicep, “got anything for me?”
Fuck, Heeseung knew he should’ve made another batch of brownies or some shit. He seriously hadn’t been expecting you to show up tonight, otherwise he would’ve been prepared.
He shakes his head, “Not this time, you should’ve told me you were coming; I would’ve made something.”
You groan, momentarily tilting your head back, “I just wanted to surprise you.”
“Consider me surprised,” his hand lands on your waist, pulling your body until your flush against him, “why won’t you just smoke with me?”
You grimace, shaking your head in response.
Heeseung rolls his eyes, “Just once? I know your first time wasn’t that great, but, I really think you’d like it if you tried again.”
“I don’t know, Hee…”
“Tell you what,” Heeseung starts, clearing his throat, “smoke with me just this once, and your next few purchases are on me.”
It isn’t much of an offer considering most of the shit he gave you was either free or already extremely discounted, but your eyes light up regardless. “Really?”
Heeseung nods, “I swear.”
You think it over for a moment, the pros instantly outweigh the cons and lead you to accept Heeseung’s desperate offer.
A few minutes later, you find yourself in a comfortable lounge chair with Heeseung in his backyard, grateful that the remaining partygoers opted to stay indoors, giving you privacy and alone time with him.
You’re sitting sideways on his lap, trying your best to ignore the feeling of his dick pressing right against your ass, neatly rolled blunt in one hand as he uses the other to fish a lighter from his pocket. “You’re nervous,” he comments.
You shake your head, “I’m not.”
“You are, I feel you shaking.”
“I’m fine, just kinda cold. Go on.”
Heeseung studies you for a moment, eye contact strong and intimidating as ever as he brings the blunt to his parted lips. You watch carefully as he brings the lighter towards the tip, focusing entirely too much on the concentrated look on his face as he lights it. Slowly, he begins to rotate it as the end continues to burn, taking a few small puffs here and there.
Satisfied with his creation, Heeseung takes a long, slow drag, inhaling the smoke into his lungs before titling his head away to exhale.
“Your turn,” he says, offering you the blunt.
You hesitantly stare down at it before accepting; it was intimidating to say the least, the scent alone strong enough to make your head hurt. Heeseung watches you patiently, eyes darting between your lips and the blunt in silence.
Deciding you need a little bit of encouragement, he brings his thumb to your lips, parting them slightly as his free-hand wraps around your wrist, “You’ll be fine, trust me.”
Under the guidance of his calloused hand, you finally bring the blunt up to your lips and briefly inhale before immediately exhaling.
Heeseung chuckles, shaking his head, “How’d that feel?”
You ponder for a moment, passing the blunt back to Heeseung, “I don’t feel anything. Literally nothing.”
“I mean, yeah, you didn’t even inhale it.”
You roll your eyes, “Why are there so many steps? This is why I prefer edibles.”
“I’m just showing you that you have other options, babe.”
“Yeah, well I’m sticking to my baked goods. You can have the rest of that, I don’t want anymore.”
Heeseung’s well aware that you’re a woman of your word, and the chances of you ever smoking again were a definite zero, so trying to get you to change your mind was pointless. However, there is one thing that may just work on you.
“Mind if I try something?”
You perk up, “Try what?”
“I do all the work but you still get high.”
You raise a brow, “That’s possible?”
He nods, “All you’d have to do is take deep breaths.”
Taking a deep breath, you accept Heeseung’s offer with a sigh, resting a hand on his shoulder as you adjust yourself on his lap. “Fine.”
Here goes nothing.
He guides the blunt back to his lips, taking a long drag as he holds the smoke in his mouth. He tilts his head upward towards you, taking your chin in his hand, signaling for you to part your lips. You follow his command and part your lips open, just enough for Heeseung to close the distance and allow the smoke into your mouth, his lips barely brushing against yours in the process.
You take in a deep breath, eyes closed shut and inhale the smoke, careful not to exhale too quickly and have a repeat of your previous attempt.
“How was that?” Heeseung asks, taking note of your sudden silence.
Truthfully, it wasn’t bad. The smell is still too strong for your liking and requires much more effort than biting off a piece of dessert and calling it a day, but it wasn’t bad. You’re certain that Heeseung shotgunning it into your mouth only added to the experience.
“Not bad,” you admit, “probably because you did all the work.”
He chuckles at that, “I’ll always take care of you, remember that.”
Heeseung is having the time of his life, thoroughly convinced that he finally has some power over you. Here you were sitting on his lap in his backyard letting him blow smoke into your mouth. Sure, it may have taken a lot of convincing and begging on his end to get to this point, but none of that matters; baby steps are still movement.
As if the night couldn’t have gotten any better, you’re asking Heeseung to shotgun more smoke into your mouth over and over. He’s careful to maintain a calm and nonchalant demeanor as he does so, not wanting to come off as too eager out of fear of scaring you away. Or even worse, giving you back that power you have over him.
On the fifth time, you swipe your tongue across Heeseung’s bottom lip when he passes the smoke into your mouth, a low groan escaping from him in the process. He’s fully hard in his jeans by now, and there’s no way you can’t feel his dick pressing right into you. Despite the cold weather, your entire body feels warm all over, Heeseung only adding to the pleasure.
You should’ve taken Heeseung a bit more seriously when he said you’d still get high from this; after a few minutes, your limbs were already starting to feel lighter and weaker. A delicate, cloud-like haze fills your head; your vision blurs slightly and it takes a few minutes for you to fully relax.
Heeseung, attentive as ever, remains silent and still has he watches you; primarily due to the fact that you squirming around on his lap is only adding to the uncomfortable tightness in his jeans. One wrong move, and he’d surely be cumming in his boxers.
You rest your forehead against Heeseung, pressing a firm hand against his chest when he moves to blow more smoke into your mouth. He hums, staring up at with a concerned look on his face.
You close your eyes, mumbling, “Heeseung…”
He hums again in response, still holding the smoke in his mouth.
You open your eyes briefly before closing them again, balling up the collar of his shirt in your fist as you lean down to press your lips against his. He opens his mouth on instinct, as if it were a second nature, parting his lips slightly and exhaling the smoke into your mouth once again.
Heeseung absentmindedly sets the blunt down, his hands moving to your waist to pull you closer to him until your tits are pressed right up against his chest. He groans into your mouth at the feelings, tilting his head to allow himself further into your mouth.
You cup his face in your hands, hips moving forward as you slowly begin to grind yourself against him. “Fuck,” he moans in a low voice, “keep doing that.”
You grind down harsher this time, capturing his moan in your mouth in the process. With each movement of your hips, a shiver descends down your spine at the friction; Heeseung is painfully hard, and from what you could feel, he was definitely packing. Bigger than what you would’ve expected.
It all feels too good; you grinding against him, the state of his high, your tongue in his mouth. It’s all so overwhelmingly euphoric that Heeseung hardly realizes how close he is to literally cumming in his boxers.
His body was always overly sensitive whenever he got high, and often avoided any sort of intimacy that involved another person due to how embarrassingly quick he would finish, and tonight doesn't seem to be any different. What makes matters worse is the fact that Heeseung was already desperately attracted to you and had been dreaming of this moment since he’d first met you.
He pulls away quickly, cursing under his breath, “YN, h-hold on,” he stutters, “slow down, please.”
You don’t listen; in fact, you can barely even hear him with how caught up you were in your own head. “Hmm? Say that again?”
“S-slow – ah, fuck – slow down for a sec, baby.”
His grip on your waist tightens, and despite the urgency in his tone of wanting you to slow down, he makes no effort to still your hips move you off of him. Fuck it, it is what it is.
“Why?” You question, tilting your head, but you’re a few seconds too late.
Heeseung’s entire body shivers, hips jolting upwards as he comes on himself, making a mess of his boxers. While that alone was definitely embarrassing, Heeseung is more annoyed over the fact that you’ve regained your power over him. His priorities were definitely fucked, but he didn’t even care; he could clean himself up later, but the damage to his ego would take longer to repair.
Your hands fly to your mouth in shock, eyes widening as you process what’s just happened, “Oh, Heeseung…” you mumble into the palm of your hands.
He throws his head back, eyes squeezed shut as he runs a hand down his face, “You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding.”
“It’s okay! It happens! No big deal!” You try to reassure him, but it goes in one ear and out the other.
Sure it happens and maybe it isn’t a big deal, but it is for Heeseung. He’s not the type to bust a nut over someone squirming around in his lap for ten minutes, this shit was fucking insanity.
“I’m seriously not like this, I’m just overly-sensitive when I’m high. I swear, I-”
“It’s fine, Heeseung,” you interrupt, standing from his lap, “if anything, I’m flattered! Why don’t you, uh, get cleaned up and I’ll see you later?”
“YN, come on, don’t do this.” He pleads, following you and you make your way towards the sliding door.
“I told you, it’s fine! I’m not like,” you pause, opening the door with a loud grunt, “mad or weirded out or anything.”
You slip back into the living room, Heeseung hot on your tail with every step. “Let me make it up to you!”
You sigh, “Honestly, I don’t think you have it in you to do that right now.”
“I do! Just let me, please.”
“Heeseung, please drop it. I said it’s fine.”
“It’s not fine, at least let me eat you out or something!”
“Heeseung!” Your eyes widen at his lewd, shameless offer, “Lower your voice! We’re in a fucking party surrounded by people!”
He smacks his teeth, “I don’t care. Please, YN.”
“You don’t have to make it up to me, you do not owe me anything.”
A beat of silence passes, then he says, “Then do it for me. Please.”
Even though Heeseung was the one literally begging to go down for you, there is a possibility of him having some sort of power over you; or maybe you just have a soft spot for him. Either way, you end up lying in his bed twenty minutes later, skirt bunched up around your waist as Heeseung’s wet tongue circles your clit, desperate attempt at coaxing a second orgasm from you.
He hadn’t even realized he’d grown hard again just from eating you out, and would likely end up cuuming in his boxers again just from doing this.
“Fuck,” he moans into your folds, pulling away slightly to pepper kisses on your inner thighs, “been waiting so fucking long for this.”
“Yeah?” You question, your grip on Heeseung’s hair tightening.
This earns a low groan from him as he nods against your skin, “You have no idea.”
Deciding he’s spent enough time away from your cunt, his lips make their way back onto you; his tongue falls flat against you, dragging your wetness upwards towards your swollen clit before wrapping his lips around the sensitive bud.
Your body shivers, a beam of sweat dripping down your forehead as your second orgasm approaches. You’ve been eaten out before, countless times, but never like this. It was almost as if Heeseung was doing it for his own pleasure rather than your.
He teases your entrance with his finger before sliding two of them in with ease, curling them upwards and immediately hitting the spot you needed him the most.
“H-Heeseung…hold on…”
He hums, but he’s not really listening, too occupied with kitten-licking your clit and pumping his fingers in and out of you. The knot in your stomach finally snaps and you’re gushing against his hands and mouth, Heeseung only takes this as a sign to continue lapping at your cunt. You have to literally grab him by the hair and drag him away from you.
He stares up at you, pupils blown wide and his chin coated in your juices, but he definitely looks happy. “What?” he asks.
You struggle to catch your breath, “You’re hard again?”
He looks down at his crotch momentarily before shrugging, “I guess.”
“You…don’t you wanna do something about that?”
His eyes flash down to your cunt for a split second, “It can wait.”
You scoff, “Well, I need a minute.”
Heeseung nods in agreement, impatiently drumming his fingers on his bed as you flop against his mattress. “Ready?” He asks once a minute has passed.
“No.”
He sighs, then sighs again, and again and again until you let out a frustrated groan. “Go get me a glass of fucking water.”
“Okay!” He shouts while standing, exiting the bedroom in a hurry. Maybe you really do treat him like a bitchboy, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
#enhypen imagine#enhypen smut#enhypen scenarios#lee heeseung#lee heeseung imagine#lee heeseung smut#heeseung x reader#kpop imagine#kpop smut#kpop scencario#jake sim#park sunghoon#park jongseong
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Dating the Slytherin boys (+ Harry) ▪ HEADCANONS
Requested: No
Characters: Mattheo Riddle, Tom Riddle, Theodore Nott, Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Regulus Black, Harry Potter (+ y/n)
Warnings: NSFW mentions, English is not my first language
A/N: I'm not sure I like this but here we go. However I have to say I like Regulus' one so I might turn his version into a one shot one day (when uni won't be killing me slowly). This will include also the pre-dating/flirting stage as well. SORRY FOR THE TYPOS. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Enjoy! ^^
Tag list: @helendeath @im-jesus
Tag list for this story: @anawritez-posts @pumpkinchee @alwayslatetothefandoms
Mattheo Riddle:
His feelings for you probably confused him at first
If he falls first, he either won’t let you know or will do everything to get your attention (‘Hey, y/n, come sit here, the seat is free!”, “y/n, do you mind helping me with the homework for Snape? I can’t bloody do it”, “How about we go to Hogsmeade, just you and me?”, “you look beautiful, y/n”)
Your love for him always calms him when he gets anxious or when he’s upset, especially after his father comes back
Will tell you things he never told anyone
Would rather spend time with you than with his friends
Is terrified something will happen to you because of his father
VERY jealous, but trusts you
Despite easily getting angry, he can’t get mad at you. Even during arguments
LOVES sleeping in your arms or when you just hold him
He's crazy about your body
Loves showering with you, and we both know how it often ends
HOT, passionate sex
Will randomly eat you out without expecting anything in return (doesn't mind if you return the favor, though)
100% calls you "baby" or "love" all the time
Doesn’t care about what anyone thinks of him as long as you love him
Your love makes him feel lighter and stronger
You're his whole world
Feels bad when he hears someone criticize you for dating him
Always makes sure you don’t overwork yourself, and makes sure you get enough sleep, water and food, and comforts you when you're anxious
Holds your hands when he's anxious or stressed
Will listen to anything you have to say
Crazy about your perfume
Theodore Nott:
Struggles to express his love or feelings in general, at least in the beginning
Has never done serious relationships before, and it may cause some trouble in your relationship, as you end up believing he doesn’t care about you
It causes many fights, and the last one will be the first time he says ‘I love you’
Always goes to you for comfort
Loves sleeping with you in his arms, or cuddling, and with time he can’t sleep without you
Loves watching you sleep
Loves having you on his lap
Always gets you great gifts (even randomly)
“Well, it thought it was pretty, and…it reminded me of you.”
Will fight any guy who is rude to you or acts like a creep
Very jealous (trusts you, doesn’t trust others)
Doesn’t mind PDA at all, will gladly hold your hand or kiss you in public
Always has a hand on your waist or his arm around your shoulders
Very supportive in everything you do, even when he doesn’t understand it/isn’t really interested in it
Isn’t very good with comforting people (mostly because he's not used to it), but will hold you and listen to you as long as you need, can even give you advice/reassurance
Every compliment/'I love you' you say melts his heart and means much more to him than he shows, same goes for anything you do for him
Loves doing fun things, even if it’s just throwing snowballs at each other during winter (which ends in loving kisses, just savouring the joy of being together)
Love getting in a pool with you and playing "childish" games during summer
Any form of intimacy means A LOT to him
He's used to hooks up and "fucking" but it takes him a bit of time to have sex with you (despite being crazy about you and your body) because you mean everything to him and with you it's really making love instead of just "fucking"
The first time is loving and slow yet passionnate (eye contact at all times, hands holding, desperate kisses from him), and it gets a bit rougher and passionate the next times (but aftercare, which he isn't used to, is always on point and keeps getting better)
Is secretly very insecure, and is terrified you will leave him (especially for another “better” guy)
Craves your touch and your love but won’t admit it
His boggart is probably you being dead alongside his mother
Will tell you sweets things in Italian
Very clingy in private - and also in public with time
With you he learns to be happier and discovers a happier side of himself he didn't know he had
Loves you much more than he actually shows at first
Will often say you're all he has (and means it)
But with time, you have no reason to doubt his love and he’s the perfect boyfriend
Blaise Zabini:
Probably will court you like the gentleman he is
He doesn’t trust people easily and might be a little distant (while always polite and kind) in the early stages of your relationship
But with time he becomes very warm and smiles a lot
Always kisses the top of your hand or your forehead
Doesn’t do much PDA except for holding hands and kisses on your forehead
However in private he’ll 100% cuddle you and hold you
Dates in parks or restaurants
Get you flowers at least once a month
Will always defend you against others
One of his love languages is acts of service
Lorenzo Berkshire:
You either were friends before dating or he fell in love with you at first sight, there is no in between
Takes you on fun dates (arcade, funfair, theme parks)
Can be shy at the beginning, which will make it a bit hard for him to talk about how he feels about you
Movie nights where you two eats lots of snacks and sweets while cuddling
Always smiles when you enter a room
So supportive
Loves when you're on his lap
He has no problem with PDA
Quickly willing to meet your family if you agree
He’s a great listener and mostly gives good advices
Loves taking naps with you
Always makes you sure you get enough sleep, water and food
Won’t let you get yourself into dangerous situations
Loves to go anywhere with you, no matter the activity and even if he just follows you around
Many pet names
If you're Muggleborn or grew up among Muggles, he will totally ask you questions about the muggle world
Passionnate sex, will get rough if he hasn't seen you in a long time or if it's angry sex after he got jealous
His aftercare is the best, and he's always thankful you trust him enough to have that form of intimacy with him
Draco Malfoy:
Won’t flirt at first with you but keeps wanting your attention
Tries to seduce you with expensive gifts, and is a bit taken aback when you say it doesn’t work
Continues to get you gifts, but will make sure they match your interests/tastes, and keeps expensive gifts for your birthdays and Christmas (even though he’d like to get them all year for you)
At first he doesn't show any weakness in your presence
With you he’ll learn patience and to focus of more positive things, and also to stand up to his father
Takes you on dates every chance he gets
Will ditch his friends to spend time with you
Probably makes Crabbe and Goyle carry your bags or do things for you
So proud to be dating you, it might even make him more arrogant
Gets grumpy when jealous but after a kiss on the cheek he’s back to his normal self
Will invite you to his home and write you nearly every day during holidays
Hates it when Harry or any Gryffindor boy tries to talk to you
Surprisingly has no problem with PDA
Loves when you come to see him play during Quidditch matches
Tom Riddle:
Oh boy
It started with him admiring/watching you from afar, for a reason he can’t understand
SUPER confused by what he feels for you and why
Will probably try to get closer to you through homework or through books if he sees you read one
Will know everything about you, and will secretly follow you, saving you if you’re in danger with you never knowing who saved you
Crazy about your perfume, so much so that it makes him steal one of your clothes just to be able to smell it anytime he wants
After a while, he’ll spend most of his time with you without ever admitting he likes it
Will probably let you know his feelings for you after he cast a spell on a guy for being a creep with you
Won’t let another man touch you
Will ask Mattheo for advice to be better or to make you fall in love with him
Will do your homework without hesitation, even if he pretends that he hates it, and will leave explanations so you understand his answers/his work
No PDA except for holding hands or your hand under his arm, but will make sure to stay close to you at all times
Is a surprisingly good listener
VERY jealous, but surprisingly isn’t mad or suspicious at you
“Did you enjoy having his attention? Do you wish for me to show you how my attention is better?”
He doesn't stress over homework or stuff like that, so he finds it ridiculous when you do (learns with time to be more understanding)
Will let flowers in your room with a note on it
Pretends to not care about the gifts you get him for his birthday or Christmas but it actually means so much to him as no one ever got him any gifts before
Nothing the others say about him gets to him, but he gets angry when he hears someone say that you deserve better than him
As book!Tom who grew up in an orphanage: he's secretly insecure about his background and the fact that he’s poor, and thinks you deserve better
As Voldemort: Might be torn between continuing his goals for power or spending a simple life with you; is aware you’ll leave him if he gets on a darker path
As Voldemort’s son: would do everything to protect you from his father, and if he’s forced to get the Dark Mark, he will makes sure you don’t know
Possessive kisses
Would hurt anyone who does you wrong
Borrows money from Draco to take you on dates or to get you gifts, as he feels like you deserve the nicest things, even though you keep telling him his mere presence is enough
May feel a little bit guilty that he can’t properly show you his love like “normal” boyfriends do
Won’t admit it but considers you the only good thing in his life, and if he ever lost you he’d get on a dark path
Won’t cuddle at first, but if you wake up first you’ll find him sleeping close to you, with at least one of his hands touching you
Always notices when you don’t eat, sleep or drink enough
You’re the first (and only) person he will feel romantic love for
He has a bit of sexual experience before, but with you it's completely different - once you guys have sex for the first time, he becomes obsessed with your body and how it makes him feel
Loves fingering you
"You like it, dove?"
Even if you guys don’t work out, he won’t ever be with somebody else
Would ask your parents for you hand in marriage, but honestly it's just out of politeness, the only answer that matters to him is yours
Regulus Black:
Like Blaise, he was raised the old fashioned way
Acts coldly towards everyone except you, his tone and eyes gets warmer and kinder when talking/looking at you, and you’re the only person he’ll smile at
You were his best (and only) friend and he has been in love with you for years
He hides his feelings very well, but one day you start dating someone else (thinking Regulus doesn’t share your feelings) but he can’t bear it and confesses his feelings
Always defends you
He’ll take you on restaurants or picnics dates, always bringing flowers
Mostly fine with PDA (holding hands, hands on your waist)
Thinks he’s very lucky to have you
Probably already starts thinking of marrying you during your last year at Hogwarts
A bit jealous, but can’t stand it when Sirius tries to talk to you
Will gladly do your homework with/for you
Loves it when you sleep in each other’s arms, loves feeling you close
Loves it when you call him “Reggie” (only you is allowed to)
Will literally do everything you ask him to
You’re everything to him
Can’t stay away from you for long
Will get worried if you’re five minutes late
Always calls you “sweetheart” or “love”/”my love”
Slow, romantic sex most of the time but sometimes he needs to be rougher
Thanks to you he’ll feel lighter and he will become kinder
You’ll even make him change his views on blood purity and stand up to his parents, and with time he gets closer to Sirius thanks to that (and you)
If that doesn’t change and he still joins Voldemort, he’ll leave you a letter before going to the cavern, saying how much he loves you and how much you mean to him
Harry Potter:
Don’t expect any pet names from him, but he might create a nickname with your name (like he calls Ginny ‘Gin’ in the Cursed Child)
His love languages are fierce protectiveness, loyalty and a patience he didn’t knew he had
Has no problem with PDA because he doesn’t care about what other people think
Loves cuddles
Rarely gets mad at you, and feels guilty when he does
Mostly gets mad at you when you hurt yourself (for example during Quidditch) but it's also because he was scared for you
Hot kisses in private
Will be jealous if he sees you with another guy
He’s passionate in a lot of things he does, and it includes you and everything you do
Will fiercely defend you again anyone, can even throw hands
Gets FURIOUS when Umbridge hurts you during detention, and will cuddle you for hours and do everything he can to make the pain disappear
Knows people are mean to you during fifth year because you're dating him and he hates it
During that year the only peace he feels is when he's holding you or when you sleep in his arms (it's also the only time he doesn't get nightmares)
Very supportive
Loves getting you gifts
You make him feel SO happy, he’ll just keep smiling for no reason
Gets more and more clingy with time
Always write to you during the holidays (you always invite him to come to your house)
I'm not sure about sex while you guys are at Hogwarts but he 100% feels lust for you, there will definitely be hot making sessions when you guys are alone in a dark corner of the castle and it often ends up with you against the wall with your legs around his waist while he kisses your neck and caresses your legs
However sometimes he just can't stop himself and will eat you out (even maybe finger you at the same time), and will be proud when you come
Any act of service you do for him means a lot
You're always worried about him when he's at the Dursleys but he reassures you that he's fine
Comes to you in the middle of the night if he has a nightmare and generally comes to you for comfort or to rant
Needs you more than ever after Voldemort comes back and after Sirius’ death
Misses you like crazy during his quest for Horcruxes, and he can’t bear the thought of something happening to you
Might struggle to show it, but he knows and is thankful of how patient and comprehensive you are with him, and that makes him want to be the best boyfriend he can be
Terrified Voldemort might hurt/kill you
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#harry potter#hp#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle x you#theodore nott#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott x you#lorenzo berkshire x you#lorenzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire x reader#blaise zabini#blaise zabini x you#blaise zabini x reader#tom riddle#tom riddle x you#tom riddle x reader#draco malfoy#draco malfoy x you#draco malfoy x reader#regulus black#regulus black x reader#regulus black x you#harry potter x reader#harry james potter x reader#harry potter x you#slytherin boys x reader#slytherin boys x you#slytherin boys#reader insert
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bellum x linebeck chapter summary drafts that won those polls:
chapter 8
chapter 14
chapter 20
#bellum x linebeck#salty talks#tag works. anyways three chapter drafts and they have alt texts and the alt texts are sliiiiightly different form the actual text#as in i have 'pov' written as 'point of view' and fixed a typo in chapter 8#love that chapter 14 starts with anyways linebeck is running away from something. bc this is a chapter draft there is no elaboration#bc on my end its just. ok scroll back up to chapter 13. there it is#lil hint of. some. larger plot but not really. i can elaborate on anything related to these three and i am down to#but i dont rlly want to get specific abt any other chapters or story things. or at least dont ask me to if i want to do that i'll make#some sloppy salty talks text post talking in probably too much detail abt some fic thing im working on#not to be. like that. but im a lil sad that none of the ones here are any one of the ones with more fun comments in them#theres not a lot and theyre mostly in the latter drafts so far#my favorite is verbatim 'idk while dicking around he swallows some water'#i consider 'comments' to be the bits in parenthesis so theyre like notes for myself to keep in mind details a layer lower than the basic#plot stuff or just reminders and the one thats my favorite iirc was just like. fuck i need to figure out why this happens. and.#it solves my problem and i like seeing it there bc i think its silly#anyways here u go. three of them. there was a fourth person going along with the polls for a bit#and i personally have like. pet theories on who yall are so if the fourth person eventually wants to ask for whatever chapter draft they#were gonna vote for i wouldnt rlly mind sharing it bc with how it turned out i do feel a lil bad that that fourth person is left out kinda#my writing
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