#Then use them to hurt their friends and families
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OFF-LIMITS. -Rafe Cameron.
Pairing: best friend!rafe x fem!reader
summary: rafe has always been your sweet, loving best friend. until he showed you he’s way more than that.
author’s note: had a cute idea for a fic. hope you’ll enjoy. as always, this is filthy. -xoxo, cherry💋
warnings: possessive!rafe, borderline crazy, obsessive!rafe, mentions of violence, rafe being a perv in secret, mentions of JJ Maybank flirting with reader, choking, face slapping, rough, unprotected p!v, loss of virginity, praising, degradation, breeding kink (baby trapping)
Being Rafe's precious best friend meant that you were always going to get spoiled. Many women wished for the things he was constantly offering you; his undivided attention, his affection, random, huge amounts of money sent to your bank account everytime you'd tell him you had a bad day, or if you wanted to get your nails done, or go for shopping, sometimes insisting he'd come along, protection, maybe a little too much of it at times, everything you could ever want.
You were the most important thing in his life, since he never really had much of a relationship with his family, all of them treating him like he was a disease, something to be avoided at all costs, only bringing pain and suffering to those around him, like they'd often tell him. But you never saw him that way, and you hated his family for pushing him away and hurting his feelings like that. You were always there for him, his biggest supporter, the only one who could calm him down when he'd come knocking on your window late at night after having a fight with his father, the one taking care of him and putting a smile on his face. And he loved you for that.
But being Rafe's precious best friend also meant that you were off-limits to everyone else. You knew he had a tendency of being rather... intense, when it comes to you. Shit, everyone knew it, too, always choosing to stay at an arm's length from you in fear of what Rafe might think. Ever since you two were kids, he was always protective of you, and he absolutely hated the idea of sharing you.
As you got older though, it got worse. You couldn't even talk to a boy without him pulling you away immediately, and if you did, he'd always make sure to claim you in some way, wrapping his strong hands around you, or placing his big hand on your ass "innocently", always throwing daggers with his eyes and making sure that whatever asshole was trying to talk to you could see that you were unavailable. That he wasn't playing about you. His pretty princess. He didn't like it when you'd hang out with Topper and Kelce either, but since they were his friends, and they definitely knew not to fuck with him, he let it slide. But only because most of the time, he was with you, never leaving your side and silently taking notes of every time one of them would get a bit too close or be too kind to you for his liking.
You never had a problem with it. Rafe always knew best. That's what he'd always tell you, and you never had a reason not to believe him. He always took care of you. Many people talked and raised eyebrows constantly around you, not believing even for a second that you two were just best friends. There was no way that was all.
To you, it was just white noise. You were so used to Rafe and his behaviour that you didn't bat an eye ever at the closeness between you. He was just Rafey, your beloved best friend.
But little did you know the lengths that he'd go through to make sure you stayed by his side. That you'd remain his. His little bunny, oblivious to the real reason he's always asking to see your phone, hiding his true intentions with the excuse of just “checking for something", or "playing music" or wanting to "take photos" of you, when the real reason was that he was going borderline crazy just thinking about you secretly talking to boys on there. Oblivious to the real reason his knuckles were violently bruised once in a while, promising you that it was nothing, when in reality, he almost killed a few boys for talking about you or looking at you in a filthy way, or trying to spark a conversation with you. Clueless about the way he was always watching you, even when you thought he wasn't around. Following you in secrecy, almost everytime you'd leave the house, just to make sure that you were safe and you weren't planning on seeing someone else behind his back. Completely unaware of the way he'd steal a pair of your panties once a month, sometimes washed, but most of the time used, snatched right out of your laundry basket, just to fulfill his sick, filthy fantasies in the privacy of his room at night, when no one would be awake to hear his moans and your name slipping from his lips as he fisted his impossibly hard cock so fast that he was seeing stars.
He thought it was cute. How you never suspected anything, how blindly you trusted him. And he was fine with you not knowing just how obsessed he was, for a while.
However, his patience was starting to fade. With every pearly smile, every innocent look you threw his way, those short skirts and sundresses you liked to wear that he swore you were wearing on purpose, just to make him go mad. Everytime you'd sit on his lap, or press your cute little ass against him when you'd dance at a party.
Everything was slowly but surely driving him insane, and it was only a matter of time until he was going to finally take what he wanted, what was rightfully his, and only his.
In his mind, the moment you'd find out about his true feelings towards you was going to be romantic, he'd make sure to be careful not to scare you off, he'd make you realize just how much you need him and how much he loved you.
So why did you just have to ruin that, by letting a damn pogue, JJ Maybank of all people, flirt with you? He thought he was going to lose his mind when he'd caught you two on the beach, talking without a care in the world, that stupid pogue scanning your body shamelessly and complimenting your little outfit that was supposed to be for his eyes only. He thought he was smart and fearless, trying to get into your pants like that.
He thought.
Oh, how he hated that you had to make it hard for him and yourself by doing that. He had trusted you, showed you his love, his devotion, for so many years, and there you were, pushing him to do something so reckless that might make you hate him.
But no... he wouldn't have that. He was going to make sure you never looked at another man again, that he would be the only one for you.
Forever.
"My dumb little princess, always so fucking oblivious." He grunted, pounding into your little pussy violently while he gripped your cheeks painfully, making your juicy lips pout. "You don't know what you did to me back there, baby. You're lucky that little shit is still alive after what he tried to pull."
His tone was soft, almost mocking, but you were having trouble processing his words, too messy and too cock drunk to hear anything as you took what he gave you helplessly, your abused cunt swallowing him greedily with each thrust of his hips.
"I told you not to run off by yourself, didn't I? Told you you should only stick by my side. You. Only. Stay. With. Me." He barked, empathizing his words with harsh thrusts, knocking the air out of your lungs and having your back arch off the bed.
"M' sorry, Rafey! I... I didn't mean to, I promise!" You cried out, digging your manicured fingers into his shoulders as you used them for support.
He just chuckled, the sound dark and lacking any amusement. You didn't mean to. Of course you didn't.
"Yeah? Then what the fuck were you smiling at Maybank for, huh?! Letting him look at you, talk to you, when you know that shit pisses me off? You tryna be a whore or something?!" He snapped, grabbing onto the back of your thighs and folding them to your chest, the new angle allowing his cock to stretch you even more and hit your cervix deliciously.
Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your lips parted with a loud, pornographic moan.
This wasn't the Rafe you were used to. Your soft, caring, loving best friend, and even if you knew of his outbursts, his undeniable issues, he always made sure to keep that side of him away from you, only treating you like a delicate flower, worshiping you with all his heart. Now, he was a completely different person, and maybe you should've hated him for taking everything from you like that, your sweet, precious virginity, but to your surprise, you loved it. And the way your pussy was fluttering around him uncontrollably was a clear sign of that.
"Well shit, would you look at that." Rafe smirked, leaning closer and folding your legs further, the pain adding to the pleasure you were starting to feel at the pits of your stomach. He wrapped his fingers around your slim throat, applying pressure to the sides of your neck and humming in satisfaction at the way your teary eyes widened in shock. "My pretty princess likes being called a whore, huh?"
"R-Rafe! Please, please!" You begged, but you didn't know what for.
"You were just begging for some cock, weren't you? This slutty hole needed a good pounding that bad. What a shame, baby..." He tsked, shaking his head and leaning to peck your trembling lips briefly, before switching up and slapping your cheek, the sharp sound echoing in the room along with the filthy sounds of your skin slapping and your wet pussy squelching around him.
"My dick is the only one this cunt will ever see, understood?!"
You let out a short scream and clenched around him viciously, his words making your head spin.
You were sure you were scratching his back to the point it was almost bleeding, but you couldn't help it, feeling like you were going to pass out with his hand coming back to squeeze your throat and with the way his pace picked up, the bed creaking underneath you like it was going to break with the force of his thrusts.
"Yes! Yes, Rafey!" You managed to say between moans and pathetic whimpers, reaching out and grasping his wrist, your small fingers wrapping around it.
You looked so beautiful to him right now. Unreal. With tears rolling down your soft cheeks, those pretty doe eyes looking up at him submissively, not hiding the way your pupils were blown in pure lust, only for him. Red, swollen lips from his kisses, your carefully applied makeup that was now ruined on your face, an obsessive amount of marks that were going to become flashy bruises, all over your neck and your chest, a clear reminder for you and everyone else that he owned you. The sweet sounds coming from your lips were like music to his ears, the countless nights where he'd imagine how you'd sound like, how you'd feel wrapped around his cock now useless, because nothing could compare to the real thing.
"Sweet angel taking cock so well. 'S like you were made for me, baby... Don't you think so? Look at how greedy this pussy is. Taking me like a pro." He praised, pulling back a little and tilting his head to the side and watching the way he slipped and pushed into you so easily, your slick covering his entire length, a hint of pink around his base, the evidence of your innocence being ripped away from you, now belonging to him.
Letting go of your neck, you finally gasped for air, blinking stupidly at him with your long lashes. But then, he suddenly reached out and grasped your hair, fisting it and yanking your head forward with force, having you watch the way he was stretching you repeatedly.
"Look how good you're taking me. This is all mine. Mine. No one will ever get to see you like this, baby... Gonna make sure of it. You'll never think about another boy ever again. You belong to me, you always have." His lips stretched into a smirk, the look in his eyes possessed as he watched you squirm and whimper, almost unable to keep your eyes open with the tears blocking your sight.
"Say it. Say this pussy belongs to me. You belong to me." He growled, his once blue eyes that were now dark and possessed burning a hole through you, his fingers gripping your hair tighter and pushing your head back. His body pressed against yours as his other hand sneaked its way to your pussy, his thumb pressing against your puffy, sensitive clit and rubbing it back and forth rapidly.
Your thighs were shaking around his waist, and your small body was trashing underneath him as you whined and locked eyes with his.
"It's yours, Rafey! Pussy's yours. I'm yours!"
"Fucking right. You'll never get away from me, even if you tried. I own you. You're never leaving me." He spat, the possessive words only making you squeeze his cock tighter.
It was supposed to be a threat maybe, but in your fucked up state, it was the hottest thing.
You wouldn't be able to live without Rafe anyway, you were so dependent on him, on his attention, his love, that the thought of ever being without him felt wrong.
Then, a sudden thought came to him. How could he make sure that you were never going to escape him? That you were only going to need him, for the rest of your life, just like he needed you. Maybe he could knock you up. Surely you'll never be able to run away if he got you big and swollen with his baby. You'll be his forever. God, only the thought made his body shiver. You'd look even more beautiful this way. Glowing, all because of him. Carrying his heir in that pretty belly of yours. Giving him a family to take care of.
An animalistic growl escaped from deep inside him, and his hips snapped frantically against yours with a newfound purpose now as he smashed his lips with yours, swallowing your whimpers. The kiss was filled with possessiveness as he tried to claim you in every way possible, his tongue slipping into your mouth and tasting you greedily while you tried to keep up with him, every once in a while clashing your teeth together as he rocked your fragile body into the mattress. When he pulled back, a string of your shared saliva connected your lips, and he grinned at you, but in a way that had the hairs on your body stand up.
"Think I know what to do with you, princess. Think I'm gonna get you knocked up. Yeah. You'd look so pretty like that, you'll be so full of me you won't even be able to walk. And everyone will know, baby... Everyone will know who did that to you. That you're carrying my baby inside of you. Rafe Cameron's baby. My heir."
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron smut#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#rafe imagine#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#outerbanks rafe#drew starkey#drew starkey smut#drew starkey x reader#rafe cameron x reader#outer banks#outer banks fic#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x kook!reader#rafe cameron x female reader#bsf!rafe
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SK!Reader x Yan!Batfam: Not in the plan
I have thoughts about the batfam going yandere before finding out about Reader being a serial killer.
Because if the fam go yandere before finding out, this gives them time to formulate their own perceptions of the reader, based on their limited knowledge of them and a lot of wistful thinking, so there's now an illusion built that can be shattered.
It’d definitely be a slower roll into being yanderes, because they view the Reader as a full civilian and obviously don’t want to scare them off. They only really have the media's view of the Reader, and Alfred's view to make assumptions off of, which both are pretty biased tbh.
They end up forming this version of Reader that is quiet but charming, social but reserved, irritable but kind, meek but shrewd, etc etc.
So they start off slowly, with little things, like Tim bumping into them on the street then offering to buy coffee, running into Steph while buying groceries, Jason waving at them from across a clubs dance floor, Bruce cutting in during their chat with Gordon at a Gala, getting “leftovers” from Barbara whenever she brings her dad lunch at the station, being asked for your math notes by Duke, Cass having Alfred give you tickets to her dance recitals, Damian entering rooms you’re in without making a snide comment, Dick inviting you to family game night–
The list of tiny ways they try to insert themselves is endless and every new acknowledgement from the family leaves the Reader fucking terrified.
Reader stares, bug eyed, at Tim for his offer, falls into a shelf at Steph's excited hello, downs a shot before running to the the club's bathroom to climb out the window when Jason tries to approach your seat at the bar, tripping a waiter to distract Bruce while you ditched the Gala, nearly back handing Barbara because you were listening to music and you didn't hear her come in, asking Duke ‘what math notes?’ ...while studying said notes, saying ‘no, you couldn't make the recital because you had to water a friends dog that day’ before quickly leaving the kitchen, throwing a book at Damian when he moved to close because the only times he’s ever been this quiet around you is when you're inevitably stabbed, or flinching so hard when Dick reaches out a hand to clap your shoulder, he thinks he somehow actually hurt you and the look of fear in your eyes gives off such a startling sense of deja vu, it leaves him despondent for the rest of the week.
So now the batfam are thinking “Why the fuck are they panicking so much? oh god did we seriously fuck up so badly they're afraid of us?!?!?! DD: Why are they so uneasy??? It can’t just be because they’re estranged from them. Can it??” And now they're getting increasingly desperate to fix this because this wasn't supposed to be so difficult, but now it is and that's making it more intriguing and thus higher on the family’s list of priorities.
Meanwhile… from the start, the Reader is just-
Because despite outward appearances, Reader is constantly paranoid as fuck. We’re talking Batman levels of paranoia. Hard not to be when he’s literally your dad. You have contingencies for your contingencies, escape routes by the dozen out of the city and out of this mortal plane itself, if needed. You had plans for every conceivable possibility, just not for this.
You're now met with such a glaringly obvious flaw in how you go about life in general, the way you live and how you operate as a serial killer, it all hinges on the idea of the family never turning their attention your way. It wasn't even an option and now it’s happening and you had no idea how to function because this isn't normal at all. Now you're actually forced to put in more than 25% of brain power to bury any possible leads and dissuade any possible connections to yourself and the silent terror on Gotham, while also trying to figure out what the hell happened.
Safe to say, this cat and mouse game is no longer fun for you.
I'm meltingggg. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, I'm going to bed bleh
X-X
Masterlist
#yandere tim drake#yandere damian wayne#yandere cassandra cain#yandere bruce wayne#yandere barbara gordon#yandere batfamily#yandere batfam x reader#yandere batfamily x reader#yandere batfam#yandere dc#gender neutral reader#gn reader#platonic yandere batfam#Serialkiller!reader#yandere dick grayson#yandere jason todd#yandere commissioner gordon#yandere james gordon#jeeeeeeeez#that was a doozy#the worms#they are so tired#yet they do not rest
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Yandere MBTI: Sunday
credit: Yandere MBTI System created by the amazing @ddarker-dreams! used with permission. words: 1,046 cw: yandere themes: abduction, brainwashing, manipulation. a/n: happy birthday to me! here’s my gift to all of us :>
Final Assessment: RDMS
Reverent
Sunday holds you nearly as high as the aeon he worships. He adores you, and your endless happiness is one of his primary motivators for pursuing that perfect world. It’s because of this that he keeps you locked away in Dewlight Pavilion; the world is an unforgiving place, and he’s already lost so much. As long as you’re safe and by his side, where he can shower you with affection and make sure every single one of your needs is met, you won’t have to know suffering the way he has.
Any material possession you ask for is left outside your bedroom door the next morning. Exquisite dishes are served to you every night, no matter how much the imported ingredients may cost. Every single article of clothing in your closet is made from the finest materials and fitted to perfectly suit your body. He’ll give you anything your heart desires, darling— just not your freedom.
That isn’t to say that Sunday can’t be cruel, though. As is evident in the Penacony story at times, he enjoys toying around with others and does possess somewhat sadistic tendencies. If you resist him too much and for too long, he’ll feel justified in putting you through some type of punishment: trapping you in the miniature display city, locking you in your room for days and ensuring that none of your attendants speak to you, or warping your dream to be something more of a nightmare. The slight satisfaction he gets from watching you suffer just a fraction of how agonized he’s been without your love is enough for him to brush off any guilt he feels, and the way you cling to him when it’s all said and done makes it even sweeter.
Delusional
Though he does fall under this category, he’s not blind enough to convince himself that you love him unconditionally the way he does for you— no, he can recognize that you begrudge him for taking you away from your home and the people you once called your family. However, he is delusional in the sense that he believes he can get you to love him.
After all, not too long ago you were falling for his charm, blushing at his delicate touches and clinging to his arm as he walked you through the hidden alleyways of Penacony. Back then, you were always eager to rendezvous with him when he could make time and find a place out of the public’s eye— certainly, you’ll be able to feel such tender emotion for him once more. You just need time to adjust to your new home, your new life.
However, his patience is not endless, and he will use more drastic measures if it means earning the love for him he knows is sleeping somewhere deep within your heart. At times where he feels particularly paranoid and vulnerable— such as after losing Robin, or when leaving Penacony with the Astral Express— he may resort to using the brainwashing power of The Harmony to make you more docile and willing to bend to his whims. It does hurt him to do this to you, but the few moments of you peacefully sitting in his lap or holding him in your arms makes it worth it.
Manipulative
Sunday needs you like a dying man in the desert needs water. That being said, almost nothing is off the table for him when it comes to winning your love.
As the Oak Family Head, it’s incredibly easy for him to get into the good graces of your family and friends. If you’re able to see through his carefully crafted mask this early into his pursual of you, then he’s pulling at the strings of those in your inner circle, commandeering them like puppets. They do his job for him by challenging your hesitation over accepting his affections; this is the most powerful man in Penacony you’re talking about, and he’s such a gentleman who’s so clearly smitten with you! Why would you possibly turn down a man like that?
If you’re not able to see through his facade, though, he’s doing everything in his power to make sure he shines like gold in your eyes. Unexpectedly, things in Penacony start falling apart for you: you’ve been kicked out of your residence, your friends have turned against you, and the sweet dream you’ve found here is rapidly unraveling before your eyes due to the will of some unknown higher being. Not to worry, though— Sunday is here for you, and he’s more than happy to help you rebuild everything lost, making sure to root himself into the foundation of your new dream as much as possible.
After becoming part of the Astral Express, though, his means of trying to coax you into loving him are a bit different. He knows he’s pitiful after his fall from grace, and he’s willing to swallow his pride and appear more pathetic and subdued if it means you’ll pardon his previous actions against you and comfort him.
As mentioned in the previous section, he’s not against using more unsavory methods of manipulating you in the name of keeping you close. Using The Harmony on you is a last resort, but he will if he must— the end always justifies the means.
Strict
As is obvious, he’s keeping you chained by his side. As the Oak Family Head, he’s got you locked inside Dewlight Pavilion at all times. During the few instances you’re permitted to wander Golden Hour, two Bloodhound members are glued to your side if he can’t escort you around himself. You’re never alone, and you’re never out of his sight— the nightingales that lurk in the shadows just a few feet behind you are a testament to that.
As a member of the Astral Express, he’s still hesitant to let you out of his sight. He may not possess the same means of following you around or trapping you, but that doesn’t mean he can’t guilt you into staying with him after everything he’s been through. If anything, he’s even worse now than ever before; you’re the only familiar thing he has control over in the uncertain, vast journey before him, and he clings onto your love and those last shreds of power like a lifeline.
#yandere hsr x reader#yandere hsr#yandere hsr x you#yandere honkai star rail x reader#yandere honkai star rail#yandere x reader#yandere sunday x reader#yandere sunday x you#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr sunday x reader#hsr sunday x you#yandere hsr sunday#sunday x reader#ceru.writes#ceru.yan
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what you know - ch8: hysteria || r. sukuna
❦ ryomen sukuna x f!reader [college au] [ongoing series]
❝ you've heard his reputation and you've seen first-hand the way he's late to class if he even bothers to show up. paired with him for the most important project of the year, you choose to give him the benefit of the doubt- but maybe that's more than he deserves when your perfect grades depend on him, or maybe there's more to the aloof and irritable sukuna than meets the eye. ❞
❦ cw ; mdni, 18+ only. contains explicit sexual themes and content. use of alcohol. use of cannabis. use of nicotine/cigarettes. angst. hurt/no comfort. hurt/comfort. implied injury. family trauma. smut. slow burn. anxiety (attacks). tags will be updated as series continues.
❦ additional tags ; college parties and themes. sukuna ooc warning as this is a realistic take on modern sukuna. reader is fairly preppy and implied to be smaller than sukuna, but he's 6"11.
❦ words ; 17.7k (oops).
❦ a/n ; please note the tags have been updated.
main masterlist || series masterlist || previous chapter || next chapter - coming soon
Although not particularly cold throughout the holidays, a frigid air settles over the city shortly after the date turns to the new year. As usual, Gojo held his annual frat party that you’re required to be at by virtue of being his friend, though you end up being one of many single party-goers who dips into a corner as the clock strikes midnight. The idea of a stranger’s lips wandering to yours doesn’t sit well in your stomach and although you asked if he would attend, Sukuna had promised his little brothers a celebration, just the three of them. Not that you would kiss Sukuna anyway, of course-
Yuji had apparently never celebrated the new year, too young to understand previously, though based on the photo in your email inbox, he didn’t get to celebrate this one either. A blurry photo taken from the camera on Sukuna’s laptop, pointed down at Yuji sound asleep in his lap while he and Choso had MarioKart running in the background had been the telltale sign.
You can’t blame him for not having a phone, but sometimes you do wish you could text rather than email. Especially with your friendship seeming to blossom as of late. It took a bit of nurturing to get to this point, but Sukuna seems to recognize his faults and actively tries to work on and better himself. Regardless of his often-irritable demeanor, you appreciate the effort on his part.
Snowflakes settle in your palm as you hold it out in front of you on the walk to the lunch hall. Settling back into the flow of having classes early in the mornings brings with it a dreary haze that hangs over the student body, yourself included. Not a single soul seems to be well-rested, apart from one person.
“Good morning,” Kento greets you with a warm smile, running a hand through his golden locks.
“Morning, Kento,” you greet him in return, your attention trained on the snowflakes melting on the warmth of your skin. “How was it, going back home?”
“It was relaxing,” he replies, a frown pulling at his lips as he takes in your dazed expression. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to join us.”
“That’s alright! I really did appreciate your offer to pay for my tickets, but it didn’t feel right,” you shoot him a smile, though quickly return your attention to your hand.
Auburn irises flicker down to your palm, trying to figure out what’s holding your interest so adamantly. “I understand, although it really wouldn’t have been a big deal.”
“Really, it’s fine, Nanamin. Satoru, Suguru, and Sukuna all had me over and I talked to my parents a bunch,” you assure him, finally dropping your hand and wiping the condensation on the front of your coat.
“Sukuna?” He asks, his brows raising, though it’s more of a rhetorical question as he’s already aware he’ll be doing Sukuna a favor at some point in the new year.
“He’s put in a lot of effort to make up for what happened.” Your tone is somewhat clipped, coming out unintentionally defensive.
Nanami’s gaze flickers to your face, catching the minute knit of your brows and tension in your shoulders. “I should hope so. Either way, I wasn’t making any accusations. Simply an observation.”
You sigh. “I know, sorry. I think I’m just a bit exhausted,” you chuckle, shooting him an apologetic smile. “I can’t believe we’re already back to it. The break felt so short.”
“I agree,” he hums as he opens the door to the lunch hall for you. With a grateful smile, you slip past him and head towards your regular table. Looks like you won’t be the first to arrive this semester. You and Kento are the last to arrive, taking your seats and beginning to pull out your lunches as you get back into the swing of lunches on campus.
Just as you pull out some leftover pasta, Sukuna takes a seat beside you. He looks worse for wear, even more exhausted than you. His sleep schedule is always atrocious, so you can only imagine what it would look like without classes.
“Hey, Kuna!” You grin as you greet him.
In usual Sukuna fashion, he leans over the table on his elbow, resting his chin against his palm. “Princess.” He yawns quietly, his eyes briefly fluttering shut.
“Long day?” You ask, amused but sympathetic.
“Long fuckin’ day,” he agrees, his chest rumbling in faint laughter. “Y’know, you usually don’t look as tired as I-”
“Hey hotshot, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.” Gojo blurts out suddenly, interrupting Sukuna.
With a deadpan expression, the tattooed man’s jaw clenches in barely-masked irritation. Of all days, Sukuna could only have hoped Gojo would keep his mouth shut today, unable to deal with his bullshit in this state. “The hell did I do?” He rolls his shoulders, as though prepping for a fight.
Can’t these two get along just for once?
“You were on my balcony at the end of finals party, and let some couple fuck on my bed!” He points an accusatory finger at Sukuna’s chest, his nose scrunching in disgust at the mere thought.
Slowly, you bring a hand up to cover your mouth in realization. As you glance at Sukuna, you’re surprised to see his expression has relaxed somewhat, a smug smile pulling at the corners of his lips. “What, you think I broke in to let some other couple fuck?” Sukuna sneers, practically reveling in the way Gojo scoffs. “I didn’t do it on purpose, asshole.” He tilts his head towards you, crimson eyes filled with amusement. “Why don’t you tell him?”
You can tell from his tone he’s enjoying this way too much. “Um- well-” you wince as Satoru’s expression falls, dramatic betrayal written across his face in bolded marker. “I may have unlocked your room to get some air and… kinda didn’t lock the door behind me.” You mutter the last portion into your hand, a sheepish shrug the best you can offer him.
“It was you?” He whines, lip curled in utter disbelief.
“And to think he blamed Sukuna this whole time,” Suguru butts in, amused.
“I saw him leave the balcony!” The frat boy counters, turning his attention back to you. “I had to stay on Suguru’s floor while my mattress got cleaned,” he gripes.
“I can’t even imagine my floor was that much cleaner,” Suguru quips teasingly, a mischievous glimmer in his golden eyes.
Satoru jabs him in the side before turning his attention to you. “You owe me. No, you double owe me because I had you over for Christmas dinner too!” He waggles his spoon at you, before dropping it in his soup with all the dramatic flair he can muster.
“I’m so sorry, Satoru! I promise it was an accident.” You offer your best apologetic smile.
He shuts his eyes for a moment, sighing. “It’s fiiiine. Just… buy me drinks next time we go out or something.”
“I’d like to think I should be compensated for dealing with Satoru’s whining,” Suguru chimes in, entertained by the whole ordeal.
Shaking your head at the raven-haired man’s blatant teasing, you giggle quietly, your elbow lightly brushing Sukuna. He’s still leaning over the table, close enough to feel his breath fan your arm with each rise and fall of his chest.
“After consulting my bank account, I can get Suguru one drink, and Satoru two,” you offer.
“Deal!”
“Deal.”
Sukuna shakes his head, shooting a final glance at Satoru that doesn’t hold the amusement he regarded you with before his full attention shifts back to you. “Just gonna throw me under the bus like that, huh?” He gruffs. Beyond the tired glaze that paints his eyes is a mirthful gleam, reserved only for you as he observes the way you sheepishly chuckle.
“My bad,” you scratch at the back of your neck, your cheeks heating up as his arm brushes yours. “I was gonna jump in, I swear!”
“Mhm.” Sukuna lets out a long breath, leaning back comfortably over the table and putting some distance between you. Just as he begins to zone out, lost in thought over the lawsuit, he sits up straight, his attention drawn to Kento. “Did you find a time to meet with- uh- Kento?”
“Oh!” You gently nudge Kento at Sukuna’s reminder. “Can you and your friend meet up on…” you glance back at Sukuna to fill in the blank as his schedule is much more packed than yours usually is.
“Friday. After four.”
Kento spins to face you, his watchful gaze doing a once-over of Sukuna. “I can get back to you on that. It should work for me, but I’ll need to speak with him.”
You grin. “Great! If that works, can we meet at the cafe across from the Science building?”
Kento nods. “I’ll let you know this afternoon. I believe I share a class with him.”
The two men on either side of you exchange another tense glance, letting the uneasy atmosphere dissolve as they mutually redirect their attention elsewhere. Sukuna leans forward on the table, resting his chin on his crossed arms, his eyes watching with mild interest as you take a bite of your leftover pasta.
Just as you’re about to offer him a bite, your lips purse in surprise as two men you don’t recognize take seats in front of Sukuna. It only clicks who they must be when Uraume takes a seat on Sukuna’s opposite side. You shoot them a warm smile as the salmon-haired man’s head lifts.
You can’t tell what’s going through Sukuna’s mind as he grunts out a “what are you doin’ here?”
The man sitting on Gojo’s left, who’s currently receiving a deeply displeased glare from your snowy-haired friend, has black hair that falls straight over his forehead and a scar on his lip. Beside him is a man with spiked brown hair and a toothpick between his teeth. His lips seem to be drawn in a perpetual frown. He speaks up first. “We haven’t seen you since the party.”
The man with the scarred lip smirks. “That, and Uraume was mentionin’ your girl wanted to meet us.”
Sukuna’s lip curls in frustration, a deathly glare burning his friend for calling you his girl. He introduces you, making a point of calling you his friend, before pointing out Toji, with the scar, and Atsuya.
With a grin and deeply warmed cheeks, you point out each of the members of your friend group. Haibara and Shoko are as sweet as ever, while Geto and Nanami are kind. Gojo, on the other hand, seems frustrated with the arrival of the group, in particular Toji, which you suppose makes sense if the man’s got a penchant for being a pain even by Sukuna’s standards from what you’ve heard.
In spite of Toji’s immediate overbearing teasing, he seems nice enough, and with their arrival, Sukuna becomes slightly more talkative. He’s slowly coming out of his shell around you, which you’re grateful for.
“So,” Toji begins, mischief dancing across his emerald irises, “how in the world did ya manage to get through to this asshole?” He questions you, jabbing a thumb towards Sukuna at your side.
You giggle, not missing the way Sukuna’s jaw clenches. “Not easily.”
“I’ll say. I’ve known ‘im since we were kids and I’m still not part of his Christmases,” he scoffs.
“Maybe if you weren’t such a fuckin’ dick, I’d invite you,” Sukuna scoffs, rolling his eyes.
“You could always invite Sukuna, could you not?” Uraume points out to Toji, who scoffs, his expression deadpan.
“Oh yeah, who wants t’ come to the Zenin Family Dinner? Drop on by, we got my fuckass uncle, my asshole grandparents and Naoya. Who wouldn’t wanna join?” He jeers, sarcasm dripping from each and every word.
“Is that the ‘Naoya’ you punched?” You ask, keeping your voice low for only Sukuna to hear as you lean towards him.
“Mhm.”
“‘Sides,” Toji begins, “your dad used to invite me every year, dunno what I did to get uninvited.”
Oh.
Oh.
He doesn’t know.
Sukuna’s leg bounces absentmindedly under the table at the mention of his father, his gaze averting to a nearby wall in an effort to keep his reaction neutral.
“You know, I could host something next year,” you offer in an effort to divert attention away from the topic of Sukuna’s father. To your horror, the table goes silent. The tension coming off of Satoru and Toji in waves is palpable, and you’re beyond grateful for Shoko, Kento, and Uraume, the first three at the table to chime in.
“Sounds like fun.”
“I would join.”
“That sounds lovely.”
You let out a sigh of relief as gradually, the rest of the table begins to agree, even the two men who seem to continually be at odds with one another. You have half a mind to wonder how that even happened given that Satoru’s usually the one to get under others’ skin, not vice versa.
As conversation begins to return, Sukuna quietly mutters a “thanks” in your ear that sends a shiver straight down your spine before burying his face in his arms as you finish your meal. The tension in the air doesn’t fully dissolve but at the very least, Satoru and Toji choose to simply not acknowledge one another.
With a glance at the time on your phone, you begin packing up once you finish your lunch. A couple of others at the table check the time as they take notice of your actions, using the opportunity to pack up as no one wants to be late on the first day of class. With nothing to pack up himself, Sukuna swings his bag over his shoulder and mumbles a “see ya,” heading for the door before you can stop him.
Even with how far your friendship has come, it seems some things never change.
With a sigh, you turn back to the table. “It was nice to meet you, Toji and Atsuya,” you smile politely.
“Likewise,” Atsuya agrees with a tired smile.
“‘Course. Had to meet the woman Sukuna’s been ditchin’ us for.” Toji shoots you a shit-eating grin, something you don’t dare read into as your face warms at the mere thought of being the person Sukuna seems to always choose.
“See you all later,” you call out to the broader table, met with a chorus of goodbyes. “Text me, Sho!”
Hurrying out the door to your next class, you zip up your coat as you make your way through the frozen wasteland that separates you from Literature History. At least the weather had relented somewhat from the beginning of December, offering a more mild bite that didn’t seem to seep into the very fiber of your being.
Still, it’s a hell of a lot colder than it was before the new year.
With a huff as you cross the barrier into the building where your next class is, you let the warmth envelop you, grateful for the shelter from the bitter wind outside. Winter had only really begun to settle over the city in the last month, but you’re ready for spring to arrive. Even if it means more finals.
Sighing at the thought of starting the entire dance over again- class, studying, finals, not to mention your required internship- you push through the door to the lecture hall, briefly pausing at the bottom of the class to search for a familiar face.
And god fucking damn it, the way your eyes light up when you spot Sukuna could practically make him dizzy. He’s careful that his crimson stare doesn’t give away the strange way his chest tightens at the mere sight of your beaming smile, keeping his expression indifferent as his gaze trails your path.
You jog up the stairs until you find a place beside him, grinning as you slide into the seat. “I was gonna ask what your next class was, but you left so fast,” you comment, getting settled as you pull out your laptop.
“Mm,” Sukuna watches your movements, his eyes trailing your manicured nails. Pink. They almost match his hair.
Why is he even thinking about this?
“Didn’t wanna be late,” he excuses his actions, finally meeting your eyes.
Your bottom lip sticks out in an exaggerated pout. “At least walk with me when we have class together.”
He lets out a long breath through his nose. “Yeah, alright, princess,” he teases, unable to help his smirk as he settles back into familiar territory with you and the strange flutter in his chest eases.
The professor walks in, writing her name in large font across the whiteboard at the front of the room as she begins her introduction to the class.
“Y’know,” Sukuna leans closer, his voice lowering so as not to disturb the other students. “Apparently the prof’s a huge conspiracy theorist.”
“Really?” You ask, interest gleaming behind narrowed eyes.
“Mhm. Supposedly she believes Shakespeare never existed.”
“Like, she believes the anti-Stratfordian theory?” You ask, tilting your head. That’s not an unreasonable theory, to believe that many of the plays typically associated with Shakespeare were perhaps written by another famous playwright or author under a pseudonym that happened to match the name of a living man.
“Nah. ‘Parently she believes he never existed,” Sukuna shrugs.
“But- he did. Maybe not the one we know, but there’s proof of his birth and death records. He has a grave,” you point out.
“I know that,” he smirks. “I heard she rambled about that theory and Dickens’ death for an hour last semester.”
You blink twice. “You’re kidding.” Groaning as quietly as you can muster, you drag your hands down your face. “I can’t afford to have another history professor who rambles. And the Dickens theory isn’t even interesting,” you tack on in a grumble.
“You’ll be fine,” Sukuna chuckles, amused at your reaction. “Literature’s your thing, ain’t it?”
“Well… yeah, but you know how I am with names, dates and faces.”
“And you know how to study for that,” he points out, nudging your shoulder. “‘Sides, you’ll have-”
“If something is so interesting that you feel the need to interrupt, Mr. Sukuna,” the professor’s voice booms around the lecture hall as all eyes land on the pair of you. Sukuna keeps his cool, which you’re thankful for as you pale and shrink into your seat. “Then I would suggest you come up here and share with the class.”
He doesn’t bother to reply, simply giving a wave of his hand for her to continue. It’s not exactly the polite response you would have given, but with a final glance between you both, she turns back to the broader class to continue the lecture.
Sukuna eyes you from his peripherals as you slowly relax back into your seat when you’re no longer the center of attention. If you bristled so much from just being called out, he can only imagine the pain you went through when he left you hanging last semester. He frowns to himself at the thought, his attention never fully given to the professor as much as he tries.
His mind wanders between the introduction to Elizabethean and Jacobean literature and the way your nails tap against your keyboard as you type up notes. As the class drags on and his mind drifts further and further from the lecture, he leans back in his seat and roughly drags his hands over his face.
He’s exhausted beyond belief, frustrated with his schedule for this semester, frustrated with Toji for sticking his nose in Sukuna’s business, irritated with himself for not paying attention for something he’s paying a lot of money to attend, and to top it all off, he knows he has a long day ahead of him.
It’s not like it’s a first, most days are long in his world, but today he’s all the more frustrated and it’s wearing him thin.
So caught up in his thoughts, he doesn’t even realize the room is shuffling until your laptop shuts beside him, the dull snap bringing him back to reality. As you slip your laptop into a sleeve and delicately place it in your bag, he follows suit, tucking his laptop into his backpack and throwing his coat on.
He even supposes he’ll wait for you this time around, given that he has some time before picking up his brothers for once.
You pause in front of him, zipping your jacket up as you type out a message on your phone. “Looks like Friday works for Kento’s friend.”
Sukuna nods, his brow knit. “I’ll need to bring Cho and Yu. Uraume’s got late classes this semester and our neighbor’s away this week.”
You pause for a moment as you consider what that means. “You’ll need to tell them.” Your tone is somber, your voice quiet. He almost doesn’t hear you over the bustling of students exiting the lecture hall.
He nods slowly, a muscle in his jaw ticking. One might even argue he’s too aware of that fact. You can physically see gears turning in his mind, a question sitting atop his tongue that he doesn’t want to voice.
“What’s wrong, Kuna?” You query gently, tilting your head to look up at him. The tattoo along the length of his jaw stretches along his skin as he grimaces.
“D’you have another class?”
You shake your head.
“Don’t wanna talk about it here.” With a large hand on the small of your back, he directs you out of the hall and back into the cold, his palm lifting from your warmth to run through his tousled locks.
If only he knew the way your stomach flipped from such a simple touch.
Regardless, he probably should have asked if you had any plans for the afternoon, rather than simply dragging you off campus and towards his brothers’ school, but the thought is lost on him. Luckily for him, you might be a little too understanding of the man who unknowingly holds your heart, so you don’t say a word as he silently leads you in a direction that you recognize.
Really, you could have at least gotten your car instead of trudging through the cold.
Before you can protest, Sukuna finally finds the words to voice his thoughts.
“What if I’m lookin’ at this the wrong way?” He gruffs, tense and raw with emotion that isn’t often something you associate with him.
It takes a moment for his words to sink in, but you can’t quite tell where his meaning lies. “What way is that?”
“Been thinkin’. I mean, she’s their mother, right? What if they’re better off with her? What if they wanna go with her and I’m puttin’ up a fight they don’t want me to win?”
It hits you like a ton of bricks. The impact nearly pushes the breath from your lungs and causes your stride to falter. If Sukuna notices, he doesn’t slow down and it takes you a moment to catch up, his words still sinking in.
“Wait- What?” You splutter, grappling with the severity of his grievance. He keeps his pace up, not even sparing you a glance. “Sukuna, wait-” You tug on his forearm, tearing his arm from his pocket as he pauses to look at you finally.
Distant. He didn’t hear you.
Blinking twice, you pull him to the edge of the sidewalk to keep his attention on you and away from the noise of the city around you. The lights, the people, the cars, it all seems to encroach on you and muddle your thoughts, you can only imagine the mileage his mind is currently making.
Certain that you have his focus now, you repeat yourself. “What are you talking about? You know they need you.”
He sighs, an air of irritation settling over him as he stares at the brick to your left. “They need a guardian, doesn’t mean they need me. Been thinkin’ maybe they’d want to go with her. With their mother.”
You pause, considering the question for yourself for a moment. You can sympathise with wanting what’s best for them, but it doesn’t sit well with you that he doubts himself so much when you can see what he means to those kids.
“You need to tell them what’s going on anyway, so I think it’s worth asking,” you agree. It’s the right thing to do regardless of the outcome. “But,” you add in a gentler tone, offering a kind smile, “they’ll choose you.”
His eyes snap to you, a tense set to his musculature. “What makes you so sure?” He almost sounds offended.
“They love you, Sukuna.” His brow twitches, his mouth opening to protest, but you continue. “You told me you couldn’t get a hold of their mom when your dad passed, right?”
He nods tensely.
“What kind of mother does that?” You point out. “Imagine how that would make Choso feel.”
You pause, letting the thought sink in. Sukuna doesn’t reply, absently cracking a knuckle.
He’d been so caught up all those years ago in the loss of their father and his own grief that he’d hardly considered that Choso’s grief had likely been twofold. The child had lost his father just like Sukuna, but he’d also had to deal with the loss of his mother. Not only that, but it was more like the active rejection of his mother, because the reality is that Sukuna tried hard to get a hold of her. Looking back, he knows he was in no way ready to parent his brothers and it was rocky at the start. He should never have let Choso sit at his side in tears as he tried every method he could to reach her.
Sukuna had always accepted that Choso got quieter as simply a part of his grief. The little boy had always teetered on the shy side of things, but Sukuna wonders now if there’s more to that. If his silence is a result of sitting alongside his frustrated and grief-stricken older brother as his mother chose not to reply.
When Sukuna’s silence extends, you do your best to guide him from the dark recesses that his mind attempts to take him to. “Would Yuji even remember her?”
Shit. Sukuna’s all Yuji’s ever known. If he doesn’t remember their father, there’s no way in hell he remembers his mother.
Sukuna drags a hand down his face. Coming to terms with the gravity of his own mistakes is one thing, but they don’t even begin to match up to the rejection of their mother.
“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, taking a step back to pace in front of the wall. Giving him the space and time he needs, you simply watch as he huffs and sighs. Fiddling with your neatly manicured nails, you wait patiently for him to organize his thoughts, only to frown when he shoves his hand into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette. In one smooth motion, he flips his lighter open and smoke trails like rippling water up into the cold air. He leans against the wall, leaning his head back against the brick as he exhales smoke into the overcast sky.
The nicotine calms his jittery mind enough to allow him the space to function within the claustrophobia of his thoughts. Inhaling deeply, he pushes off the wall and returns to you finally, looking up to exhale smoke away from you.
“Uraume’s right, you know.”
Any other time, Sukuna would have let that slide, knowing it was meant to be a cheeky little quip about his vice.
But today’s a bad fucking day for him.
“So I’ve been told.” There’s enough bite to his words that you’re actually a bit surprised at his choice of tone, but even looking back on that drunk night fumbling through apologies, this is the most stressed you’ve ever seen him. His face is gaunt, pale with dark shadows beneath his eyes, and as you take in his outfit, you realize he’s wearing the hoodie he usually throws on after his showers.
If you were to wager a guess, he’s probably wearing last night’s clothes. He doesn’t attempt to hide the tension that grips his muscles and claws at his brow, either.
It’s clear that the thoughts he’s been sharing with you are ones that have been plaguing him as of late. He’s likely been grappling with the idea of telling his brothers about the lawsuit since you last saw him at Christmas. But that’s the thing about Sukuna, he would never ask for help. It’s a miracle he wanted to talk at all.
You let his snappy tone slide, giving him the benefit of the doubt that it’s not intentional. After all, he did ask you to come out here in the cold with him to talk.
Well, maybe ‘asked’ is the wrong word, but he made it clear he wanted you here to talk.
Still, the tension that hangs between you isn’t the usual alluring tension that draws you to him. It’s not uncomfortable, but you would certainly prefer the usual silence with him. It hangs between you in the delicate balance of Sukuna’s startlingly fragile tenacity, which only serves to sympathize you to him in spite of his loose temper.
Sukuna taps a finger on the edge of his cigarette. The ember tip falls to the ground in a pile of ash, melting a small crater of snow at his feet. Choosing not to acknowledge the rigidity that strains the quiet air, he casts a glance at his watch and nods in the direction of his brothers’ school.
“Don’t wanna be late,” he grunts, smoke escaping from the corners of his lips. With one final inhalation, he tosses the cigarette on the ground and stomps it out, turning on his heel to lead the way to the school.
You chew absently on your lip, trailing slowly after him.
The snow crunches beneath your feet, your mind grasping at the conversations of the people passing you by in an effort to fill the dead air. It’s suffocating being in Sukuna’s presence when he’s made a point of having you near, while simultaneously being bull-headed as he holds you at arms’ length.
“They ask for you a lot.”
You take a couple of long strides to catch up with him, thankful that he breaks the ice. Fiddling with the woven bracelets that are still tied to your wrist, you smile. “That’s really sweet. They’re good kids.”
Sukuna casts you a glance. He can see uncertainty in your eyes. He’s not stupid, he knows it’s his fault. But some stubborn part of him holds something akin to a grudge against you for pointing out something he knows is bad for him.
He’s got bigger problems than his nicotine addiction.
When Sukuna doesn’t reply, you swallow nervously. “You’ve raised them well, Kuna.”
Piercing irises snap towards you, flitting between your eyes. “‘M not so sure about that.”
“Aren’t you proud of them?” You push, tilting your head.
Sukuna’s chest clenches. He averts his gaze, grimacing. “‘Course.”
“Then why wouldn’t you think you raised them well?”
“I’m not what they need,” he replies simply.
Your gaze narrows, lips pursing in confusion. “They need a roof over their heads and food on the table. You’re good to them, Sukuna.”
He sighs heavily. “They need someone more attentive. Someone who can be home and dote over them.”
“Dote?” You parrot, the corner of your lip twitching up. “I’ve seen you dote.”
He scoffs. “As if.”
“What do you call your gifts to them?”
A crease forms between his brows. “That wasn’t doting. It hardly meant anything.”
“I don’t believe that for a second, and I don’t think you do either,” you tease, prodding his shoulder and chancing his patience with you.
He scowls down at you, huffing.
You giggle quietly, your breath visible in the air before you. Quieting down, you nudge him gently. “You know just how much those gifts meant to them. You’re exactly what they need, Sukuna. And I think you’re what they want, too.”
Sukuna falters, catching himself quickly enough to play it off like he tripped. Somehow, that’s the less embarrassing option here, he thinks.
“Maybe.” It comes out weaker than intended, and he’s grateful that the steps up to the front of the school offer an escape from the conversation. He may have started it, but like most other difficult conversations he dragged you into, he usually finds himself reluctant to continue them.
Something about how well you know his brothers, how well you know him, shakes him to his very core and he’s not willing to touch that thought with a ten foot pole.
To his relief, the bell rings and a teacher guides a class of young, bright-eyed children out of the school to reunite them each with those meant to pick them up. As Yuji crosses the school’s barrier, she points the two of you out and the little boy goes barreling towards you both.
“Kunaaaaa!” He cries out excitedly, attaching himself like a koala to his older brother’s leg. Sukuna grunts, lifting him into the air as he easily keeps his balance. The little boy giggles, his eyes opening to look at his brother, when he spots you.
Hopping from his brother’s arms with wide, excited eyes, he leaps into your arms as you extend them to him. “You’re here!” He cheers, arms wrapped around your neck in a tight hug.
You giggle, doing your best to hold the boy up as he clings tightly to you. “How was school, Yu?”
“It was great! We’re learning about the oceans and sharks, and-”
As Yuji excitedly tells you about his day, Choso dips through the doorway, his eyes scanning the steps for Sukuna. As he spots both of you, a small smile makes its way to his lips and he jogs over with his hands pulling at the straps of his backpack.
Sukuna ruffles the boy’s hair, who smooths it down in response, a gleam in his eyes as he waves at the sight of you beside his brother. You smile back at him, unable to wave with the youngest Itadori in your arms. Sukuna begins leading the way back towards his apartment, listening to Yuji’s ramblings.
“- did you know that seals eat penguins? I could never eat a penguin, they’re so cute. I think seals should eat something else.”
“You think so?” You giggle at Yuji’s adamant statement.
“Mhm,” he hums, nodding his head. “They should just eat fish and get along with the penguins. Like you and Kuna.”
Your brow raises and you cast a glance at Sukuna, who’s also now staring at the pink-haired boy with mild interest.
“What do you mean ‘like me and Sukuna’, sweetheart?” You ask curiously, your heart doing a flip.
“You’re like a penguin because you’re really cool and nice and Kuna’s like a seal because he’s a meanie but he’s also cool. I think if seals were more like my big brother, they’d get along with penguins. Like you guys.”
Kids are wild.
You laugh as Yuji explains himself, your tone sitting somewhere between genuine chortles and something to fill a silence that might otherwise be awkward. “Tell me more about your brother being like a seal,” you urge, knowing it’ll ruffle Sukuna’s carefully preened feathers.
Yuji stares up at the clouds in thought. Your arms are beginning to tire, but you’ll hold him as long as you can, even if you know you’re holding up the walking pace. “Ummmm… well, some seals have spots and Sukuna has some on his shoulders, but he’s more stripey, like a tiger-”
“They’re not stripes, brat,” Sukuna hisses, but Yuji continues on without a care in the world.
“- and seals eat a lot and so does Kuna-”
“Alright, I’ve heard enough.”
Undeterred, the little boy continues. “- and apparently seals are really good parents, just like Kuna. I know he’s our brother, but he’s the best parent ever.”
It hits Sukuna like a shot through the chest, piercing clean straight through his heart and leaving behind a bloody hole. His jaw is heavy set as he does what he can to mask the way his little brother’s words affected him. The last thing he needs is a worried twelve-year-old and an ‘i told you so’ from you.
Because it’s then that it strikes him that you’re right.
Time and time again, you prove to him just how much he means to his brothers and each and every time he’s left balancing precariously on a cliff as he does what he can to hide the way his feet damn near betray him at the edge. It’s not like he has any reason to be upset with you over this, but to be known is to be seen, and that’s not something Sukuna’s accustomed to.
He has no issue with being the campus’ mysterious and hot ‘bad boy’, as much as the title serves to make him roll his eyes. It’s little more than a generic title given to him for surface-level facts and rumors.
To have you call him out so clearly, to be so utterly correct time after time when it comes to him and his family… He’s not sure how he feels about that. It stirs something deep within and he grits his teeth as he shoves his hands in his pockets.
Sukuna’s brow is deeply furrowed, his steps falling heavily on the snow-clad sidewalk. Ever observant, of course you caught the way his jaw trembled subtly when he heard his brother, but the moment was gone before you had a chance to consider it. Now, he just looks frustrated, even more so than usual.
It seems the new year brought with it the realization of just how close the court date is, and how horribly underprepared he is.
“Is that so?” You question Yuji, although your gaze never leaves Sukuna, brow knit in concern for him.
“Yeah! He’s the coolest!”
“He is, isn’t he?” You reply softly, shooting a look at Sukuna, who scowls at you both with an expression you can’t place.
You have to set Yuji on the ground fairly soon after, and ask Choso how his day was. The walk is spent listening to both brothers chat about their days as Sukuna is otherwise silent. Arriving at Sukuna’s front door, he tells the kids to head inside and wait for him in the lobby, waiting until they’re two doors away to talk to you.
“Will you be alright?”
Something akin to offense passes over his eyes. It’s clear that no matter what you do, everything is getting under his skin today, so you think it’s best to leave. Besides, this is something he needs to do on his own.
“I’ll be fine,” he grits, continuing to scowl down at you. Even as frustrated as he is, his gaze softens as he stares past you and realizes you’ll need to walk back to your car on campus. “Email me when you get home,” he mutters, turning on his heel and leaving you standing out in the cold without another word.
Before he can shut the door behind him, you hesitantly take a step forward, catching the edge of the door. “Let me know if you want to talk.”
He stares at you for a split-second, contempt burning behind red irises that has you frowning at him, hurt that he’s been so short with you today. As though he realizes the same, the furrow to his brow lessens and he hums, nodding.
If that’s the most you’ll get out of him, so be it.
He turns back towards the lobby, passing through the second set of doors and following the kids as they lead the way up to the apartment. Choso reaches for Sukuna’s keys and unlocks the door, pushing through the barrier into their home. Yuji immediately goes running off to drop his bag in their room.
“Hey! Once you’re done I need you both back on the couch,” he calls after his little brother, his shoulders so tense it physically pains him to roll them back.
He can see Choso’s unease immediately, eyes wide and worried. Fuck.
Choso timidly sets his bag down in front of the couch and takes a seat at the edge of the cushion, fiddling with his fingers, the nails chewed raw. Sukuna had never noticed his brother developed that habit.
Yuji bounds excitedly to the couch, oblivious to the weighty air in the room. Choso bounces slightly as his little brother hops on the couch and plops down.
With a deep breath, Sukuna kneels down to the boys’ level, glancing between them.
“I heard from your mother,” he starts. Excitement overtakes Yuji’s expression, while Choso stiffens, his gaze anywhere but on Sukuna. “She’ll be in town soon.” He’s beating around the bush, he knows that. But how the hell do you tell two children about a lawsuit?
“Can we see her?” Yuji asks in awe.
“Lemme finish, Yu.” Sukuna takes a seat on the coffee table as his knees begin to get sore. The old wood creaks beneath his weight, not intended to support him, but it does nonetheless. “She wants ya both back.”
Sukuna pauses, letting both boys process his words.
Choso’s lips are pursed, his hands fiddling uncertainly in his lap.
“Like, we’ll all go live with her?” Yuji asks, his head tilting curiously.
Sukuna shudders at the question. If only it were so simple. “No. Just you and Choso.”
“She’s not Kuna’s mom,” Choso mutters.
In truth, Sukuna’s done a bad job of explaining their family to Yuji, making the assumption he’s too young to understand. Maybe he’s right, but it seems Choso’s willing to tell him the portions that Sukuna doesn’t want to touch.
“But… Kuna’s our brother too,” Yuji protests, frowning.
Sukuna sighs, a pang in his heart. “Listen,” he starts, running a hand through his hair, “if she takes you, I won’t get to be a part of your life. If that’s what you want-”
“No!” Yuji cries out, interrupting Sukuna’s question. Choso’s fidgeting hasn’t stopped, but he has yet to say a word.
“Gimme a moment, Yu. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. I’ll let her take ya-”
“Kuna? Why do you keep saying ‘take’?” Choso finally finds his voice, eyes teary as though he already understands.
Sukuna’s lips press into a thin line, his leg bouncing as he contemplates his reply. The coffee table creaks relentlessly beneath him.
“Your mother doesn’t think I’m fit to take care of you. She’s-” he cuts himself off, running his tongue over his teeth in his mouth. “She’s tryna take you back, legally.”
“Legally?” Yuji parrots, his lips pursed.
Sukuna averts his gaze, looking for answers anywhere within the apartment, but he’s met only with a dull silence and Choso’s quiet sniffles. It’s clear he understands, and Sukuna wants nothing more than to assure him that he can win the legal battle, but the bitter truth is that Sukuna doesn’t want to lie to them.
And he’s not so confident that he can win.
“Yu, d’you remember when we watched Mrs. Doubtfire?”
Slowly, the little boy nods.
“D’you remember the part where the mom and dad are in a big room with a judge and he takes away the dad’s custody?”
Yuji blanks, nodding, although it’s clear he still doesn't fully understand.
“Well, custody is who gets to take care of kids. Right now that’s me. She wants it to be her, and neither of us get to decide that. It’s up to the judge,” Sukuna explains, trying as best as he can to offer an unbiased explanation.
“Tell her no!” Yuji cries out.
Sukuna bites down on his cheek, his brow furrowed. “I don’t get to, Yu. She’s forcing me to show up in front of the judge.”
Ever so slowly, Choso stands up off the couch, trailing closer and closer to his older brother until he’s leaning into Sukuna’s side, silent tears trailing down his cheeks and soaking into Sukuna’s shirt. Yuji seems to be starting to understand, now standing at the edge of the couch as he adamantly stands his ground as though the lawsuit is a personal attack to him.
“No! No, I don’t wanna go without you!” He proclaims loudly, his eyes beginning to water.
Sukuna can only frown as he watches the boy grapple with something he doesn’t understand.
“I don’t-” sniffle, “- I don’t wanna!” His tears now freely fall as he barrels at full force into Sukuna as well, crying into his side. He pulls both brothers closer, his exhausted gaze set straight ahead. “Please, Kuna, please!”
The apartment is filled with Yuji’s bawls and babbles, while Choso silently clings to him. The coffee table creaks beneath the three of them with every movement, threatening to give out at any moment.
“I won’t,” sniffle, “go, p- please don’t make me go! I don’t want to,” he sobs, “I don’t want to, I don’t want to!”
Denial after denial, it’s all that fills the apartment for longer than Sukuna knows what to do about.
“I don’t-” a sob wracks Yuji’s tiny body, “- even know her. I don’t remember her,” he bawls. Sukuna squeezes him as an acknowledgement, though he’s not sure what comfort he can offer. “Why can’t you come with us?”
Sukuna bites down harder than intended on his lower lip. “Your mother doesn’t like me, Yu.”
“But you-” he gasps for air between sobs, “- you’re the best.”
The taste of iron fills Sukuna’s mouth as he swipes his tongue over his lips. His chest feels as though it could implode as he tugs his two brothers tighter against him. Yuji tightly grips Sukuna’s hoodie, his little hands tugging with the full force of a five-year-old.
“I’m gonna fight for you both, okay?” He assures.
Choso sniffles, pulling back just enough to look up at his brother. “You want us?”
If Yuji saying he was the best parent earlier was a shot through the heart, this took out whatever was left. The question barreled straight through him like a train, leaving nothing behind but pieces for Sukuna to pick up. Each piece serving as a mistake in the way he’d raised the boys.
He knows all too well that this question comes from a place of insecurity, and while Choso’s mother may have laid the seed, Sukuna watered it.
It was never intentional, he would never want Choso to feel that way, but Sukuna remembers the moment he likely solidified Choso’s insecurities all-too-well.
Three letters. Seven emails. Forty eight calls.
Make it forty nine.
“Fuck!” Sukuna slams his phone down on the table that was once his father’s.
The house that surrounds them feels foreign without his life.
Choso stares at the wood grain of the table, his eyes tracing the way it swirls. He’s long grown numb to Sukuna’s anger, especially over the past couple of weeks. He doesn’t move, doesn’t say a word.
He sat alongside Sukuna through each call. Through all fifty nine attempts to reach his mother, each one further solidifying Sukuna’s fate.
Sukuna, barely able to be considered an adult, is a guardian. By all accounts, he’s a parent.
Sukuna, who works for a cannabis dispensary. Sukuna, who never wanted a second family to begin with, who never wanted this responsibility, who never even wanted brothers, let alone kids, now bears the burden of fatherhood.
The legs of his chair scrape the wooden floor as he stands abruptly, running a hand over his face as he paces a small distance from the table.
He makes his way to the sink, turning the faucet to cold water and splashing it over his face. With dripping hands, he grips the edge of the counter and leans over the sink and his stomach churns and bile threatens to upend.
It wouldn’t be the first time since his father had passed away that his stomach had decided to empty itself.
With his jaw slightly ajar and his chest heaving, he pushes a wet hand through his hair, pushing himself back to his full height.
He wipes the water from his face on his sleeve, shaking his head in an effort to free his vision from his hair. His father had been so sick that Sukuna hadn’t had the time, nor the money, to bother with a haircut, or even shaving. His stubble, that of a boy barely considered an adult, is still uneven and leaves him looking as disheveled as he feels.
His eyes trail the length of the kitchen, which morphs into the living and dining room area, until they land on Choso.
The healthcare system had taken every last penny his father had left behind, and without the support of Choso and Yuji’s mother, he’s at a loss of where to go from here. Even disregarding money, he had to look up how to change a diaper. How sad is that? Looking up Youtube tutorials on what to do?
It’s not like he hadn’t looked after his brothers before, but his father never left him alone long enough to need to worry about that sort of thing. Now it seemed that changing a diaper was the least of his problems.
He teetered constantly somewhere between pissed off and lost and had no one to fall back on, something that became painfully obvious when he’d contemplated going to the hospital when his chest tightened so much that breathing was a forced effort. In the end, he’d been able to do little more than clutch desperately at his chest as he laid on the floor of the bathroom, the cool tile the only reprieve from his lonely agony.
He could reach out to Toji. Hell, he should. But when his father got sick, Sukuna pushed him away. He pushed everyone away. He thinks he’s more comfortable alone now, even if that leaves him staring at his little brother without a clue of what to do.
Choso hasn’t said a word to him since the whole ordeal occurred. The grief had taken its toll on Sukuna’s body and attitude, but it had completely silenced his brother. Although he still stuck around Sukuna, somehow still wanting to be around the grief and anger-stricken man, he never said a word.
The oldest brother cares. He cares a whole lot about his two siblings. Even if this isn’t what he ever wanted, even if he wasn’t prepared to handle the burden of two young kids. Even if he didn’t want siblings to begin with, Sukuna grew to care.
It doesn’t change the fact that he’s filled with contempt towards their mother for shoving the two boys onto him like this.
As he stares at Choso, a stark contrast to himself and their baby brother who both resemble their father, he sees her staring back at him. Choso and Yuji’s mother.
He shouldn’t have done what he did next.
He should have thought about his reactions.
He would change everything about how he acted towards his little brother in a heartbeat if he could.
But Sukuna, mentally, was on another plane as his lip curled in disdain. “Won’t fuckin’ answer,” he mutters, more to himself although he looks straight at his brother. “Some fuckin’ mother you’ve got, kid.”
As if on cue, Yuji begins crying from another room.
“Fuck!” Sukuna cries out again, trudging angrily across the kitchen to the toddler’s room.
Just in time to make sure he doesn’t see Choso’s tears.
Sukuna’s sure that moment replays in the boy’s head constantly. He sees it every once in a while, the seed of doubt that Sukuna watered that day, along with every other day before and following. He would give anything to take back how he acted. But what the hell does one expect from your stereotypical troubled teen who doesn’t know how to cook, hardly cleans, and has no one to talk to?
What the hell was Sukuna meant to do when he’d thrown up the previous night’s dinner and laid on the floor until he woke up in a sickening daze early the next morning to Yuji crying?
He hopes, prays, to whatever god on earth will listen, that he can make up for it. Make up for all the mistakes, all the problems. Make up for the ways he’d failed his brothers.
“I do, Cho,” he answers, the first certain thing he’s managed to say since they’d arrived home. “Promise.”
Choso’s grip tightens as his face collides with Sukuna’s side so hard he thinks the poor kid’s gonna bruise his nose.
“I love you, Kuna.” Choso’s voice is so quiet that Sukuna hardly makes out what he said over his little brother’s sobs.
Yuji parrots the middle brother, though his words come out a choppy mess behind his tears. “I- love-” sniffle, “- y- you, Kunaaa.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he gruffs, grimacing. He stares at the couch, his eyes flickering between the three indentations that have formed over the last three years. The material is significantly more worn on his side of the couch, the least worn in the center where Yuji likes to sit. In the back of his mind, something akin to guilt rears its ugly head and he continues his thought before he says something he regrets.
Or, more specifically, before he doesn’t say something and regrets it.
“Love ya both too.”
–
It takes a long time, but Sukuna manages to quiet both brothers down. As a treat, he buys them chicken from Strip Joint, which they were about as thrilled as two devastated young kids could be.
He’s not sure exactly how soundly they’ll manage to sleep, but he’s thankful when Yuji passes out fairly easily after a long afternoon of relentless tears.
Shutting his door behind him, Sukuna sighs as he’s finally able to catch his breath for what feels like the first time today.
He collapses onto his bed against the headboard, running his hands over his face.
Pulling his hands back, he stares at his palms, warm and wet.
Tears.
Is he so worn thin that he can’t even feel his own tears?
Shit.
He wipes his tears on the sleeve of his poor hoodie, which is covered in Yuji’s tears, snot, and spit, Choso’s tears, and now Sukuna’s too.
He pulls it up over his head, pushing his hair back out of his face. It’s getting long again, but Sukuna doesn’t have the time to deal with it.
He hopes to god that his previous transgressions from all those years ago don’t repeat themselves simply because Sukuna’s at wit’s end.
He scratches uncomfortably at his chest, desperate for a shower, anything to take his mind off of the shitty day he’s had. Undressing, he wraps a towel around his waist and walks down the hall to climb into the shower, splaying his hands on the tiles as hot water runs over his body, cleaning him of the dirt and grime that plagues his body, alongside some of the tension in his muscles.
He blinks his eyes open as water trails down his hair, falling in a steady stream down his chin.
The day feels like a blur.
His chest tightens as his muscles relax, a familiar feeling that he fears will leave him laying on the bathroom floor again.
It hasn’t been that bad in years. He didn’t think it would ever be that bad again.
Pushing himself up, he runs his hands through his hair, pushing it back and wiping water from his eyes as he finishes showering. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he slips back into his room, inhaling sharply as his chest seems to compress against his lungs.
Too tired to bother with the outside world, he slips under the covers without a second thought. He doesn’t bother to check if you made it home safe. He doesn’t bother to set out his clothing for tomorrow. He doesn’t even bother to set an alarm. He simply shuts his eyes and hopes to god that he can get a full night’s rest.
Unfortunately, that’s not in the books for Sukuna.
–
Much to your dismay, you don’t see Sukuna again until Friday, four days later. It took him nearly twenty four hours to get back to your message about being home, or the subsequent one the following day upon realizing he wasn’t at lunch, nor in class.
[email protected] - Tuesday, 5:29 PM im fine. cho didnt sleep. been a long day
You had grimaced and offered condolences, but at the end of the day, you suppose there isn’t much more you can do when he’s not looking for help.
That doesn’t mean Shoko didn’t have to drag you out to the mall and convince you not to show up at his door regardless. Thankful for her distraction, you indulged in getting yourself a new sweater and celebrated the fact that oh my god, your history prof from last semester was suspended for his (terrible) teaching methods?? If only the school had done that one semester earlier.
Then again, maybe you wouldn’t be nearly as close with Sukuna if that were the case.
Maybe that would have been for the best.
But the tightness in your heart tells you otherwise as you sit alone in your Literature History class.
It’s funny, that without Sukuna’s distraction beside you, you’re somehow finding it harder to focus without him in the chair beside you. Absently typing at your keyboard, you stare at the screen, your eyes trailing the notes you’ve been taking. They mostly make sense, but your brain must be working on autopilot, because you haven’t processed a single word the professor said.
Rubbing the crease between your brows, you do your best to tune in, chewing on your lower lip and narrowing your eyes as if it’ll do you any good.
The door at the front of the class loudly swings open and Sukuna barges in without a word, trudging straight up to your seat with his hoodie up.
“Class started twenty minutes ago, Ryomen.”
From your angle, you see the snarl on his face, you see the way he practically whips towards her with a world of stress in his eyes and the anger to match. But whether he chooses to take the high road, or simply decides it isn’t worth it, he manages only a measly “yeah. Whatever.”
He should consider himself lucky he isn’t sent away for that, but with only a disappointed grimace, the professor chooses to carry on.
“You’re here,” you whisper, as quietly as you can manage so as not to get him in further trouble.
He sighs. “Finally managed to get them to class today.”
“They haven’t been going to school?”
“Couldn’t get ‘em to,” he mutters, keeping his head low behind his laptop screen as he slumps back in his seat.
You glance at him, a sympathetic frown adorning your lips, but you keep quiet to avoid getting called out by the professor again. Sukuna keeps unusually quiet and withdrawn throughout the entirety of class, packing up as quickly as he came.
He’s on his feet and charging down the stairs before you have so much as a moment to with him.
“Ryomen! A word.”
You watch with dismay as Sukuna whips around angrily to the professor, grumbling out a less-than-thrilled “what?” as he reaches the last step near the door. “Make it quick. I got somewhere to be.”
You grit your teeth, watching with horror as the professor’s brow raises in disbelief at Sukuna’s attitude.
“Mr. Sukuna, if you don’t want to be here, you’re more than welcome to drop my class. You’ve made it very clear that this is not your priority, and-”
Sukuna drops his bag to the ground with a thud, as the students who haven’t already slipped out, including yourself, all watch the interaction in trepidation. “Yeah, you could say it’s not,” he growls. “I got other shit going on.”
“I can sympathize with that,” the professor replies. You have to applaud her patience with the man. “However, I have a class to teach. Whether you choose to show up or not is on you, however I’ll ask that you please don’t distract other students by arriving late.”
Sukuna’s jaw clenches, visibly biting his tongue to keep himself from saying something he’ll regret. “Yeah. Sure,” he dismisses, turning to grab his bag. He slings it over his shoulder and slams the door ajar with his shoulder, barging out without another word.
You traverse down the stairs and chase after him, jogging to catch up to his long strides.
“Sukuna!” You call just before falling into step with him. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” he hisses, shooting you a glare. He falters when your expression recoils appropriately to his prickly reply. Sighing, he runs a hand down his face. “I’m fine,” he repeats, less edge to his tone this time.
“Oh. Okay. Um, are you still good to meet with Kento and his friend?”
“Yeah,” he mutters, clipped.
“That’s good,” you agree, nodding as you search for common ground, something Sukuna might be a bit more receptive to. “Did you want company while you pick up Choso and Yuji?”
He casts you a glance, his expression unreadable. “Up to you.”
He’s not making this easy.
“I wouldn’t mind seeing how they’re doing.”
He doesn’t even bother with a reply this time, he simply shrugs.
“Okay, um, I’ll come with you then,” you mumble hesitantly, gauging his reaction, but he remains silent, pulling ahead to walk in front of you as he heads for the doors and turns in the direction of his brothers’ school.
The silence no longer carries a familiar warmth, or even the relative discomfort from earlier in the week. It hangs over you like a fog now, uncertainty tucked within its blanket. Sukuna hardly seems to notice you’re there, never turning to acknowledge you nor straying off his path. Each time you contemplate talking, the words die in your throat at the sight of his tense jaw.
At least it’s warmer today than it was on Monday.
Standing at Sukuna’s side as you arrive at the school, you quietly examine his face. His eyes are sunken and heavy and his shoulders hunched as though the weight of his burdens are hardly being held up anymore. His eyes are glazed in a way that tells you his dismissive attitude towards you is because he isn’t all there, not present even within his own body.
Clearly the talk with his brothers has had adverse effects not only on them, but him as well.
Hesitantly, you reach out in hopes to ground him, setting a hand near his wrist, where the tips of your fingers graze his skin as they breach the edge of his sleeve. His eyes sharpen as he stares down at the contact of your hand.
Sukuna is accustomed to the way that your skin always seems to sear him. He’s chalked it up all this time to lust, but as the contact of your skin, so soft and gentle, just barely brushes his, he second-guesses himself for a split-second. As if on auto-pilot, he can only watch as he pulls his hand from his coat pocket, flipping it to brush the tips of his fingers against yours. Offering a comfort he isn’t familiar with, one that keeps him present, he fiddles with your fingers as you simply observe his face.
“Are you okay, Kuna?” You keep your voice low, your tone gentle as you take a step towards him, letting him run his thumb over your knuckles as he pleases.
It takes a moment, but he meets your gaze, really meets your gaze, for the first time today. His eyes fall again to your hand as he avoids your question. “They didn’t take it well.”
You nod slowly. “I didn’t think they would,” you admit with a tight-lipped smile. “The nightmares…?”
“None of us have slept.”
“I…” You grimace. “Can tell.” You gently squeeze the tips of his fingers that continue to fiddle with yours.
His chest rumbles in something akin to a laugh, though it lacks humor. “I figured goin’ back to school would do ‘em good, maybe help with sleeping. Cho wasn’t thrilled.”
“He’ll be alright,” you assure Sukuna, the school bell sounding from behind you. His fingers pause for a moment, before he drops his hand back to his side.
Yuji is one of the first kids out the door. He seems to be managing, although his usual energy is certainly dulled. He runs at full force straight into Sukuna, who picks him up with ease as the child clings to him.
“Missed you, Kuna.”
Sukuna hums, gently nudging the boy with his shoulder. “Look who’s here.”
Yuji lifts his head, flipping it around until his gaze finds you. He calls your name happily, though it’s still dulled from the usual excitement that surrounds him. His arms reach for you and Sukuna plops him down on the snow to let him run straight for you.
“Hey sweetheart,” you greet, kneeling before him to let him hug you. Reeling back, you gently brush his hair from his eyes. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.” He pouts, shaking his head. His hair falls back over his forehead again, so you brush the stray pink strands from his eyes once more. “I miss my brother.”
“Hey,” you coo softly. “He’s not letting you go, honey. We’re going to meet one of my friends for some advice, okay?”
Yuji’s head tilts. “Huh? Advice for Cho?”
You mirror him, brow furrowed. “What’s going on with Cho?”
“He doesn’t wanna play anymore,” Yuji pouts, staring down at the snow under his little feet as he rocks side to side. His little cheeks are red, whether from the cold or unshed tears, you aren’t sure.
With a grunt of effort, you pull the little boy into your arms. He clings to you, burying his head into the crook of your neck as you turn to his older brother. “Is Choso okay?” You query, concerned.
“I’ll let you judge for yourself.”
You turn to the door where Choso emerges, his appearance ghostly. His movements are mechanical as he makes his way up to you and Sukuna. He shoots a glance up to you, but doesn’t acknowledge you otherwise, staring blankly off to the side as he waits for Sukuna to lead the way.
“Hey, Choso.”
Silence.
You frown, precariously balancing Yuji in one arm to reach down and gently run a hand over Choso’s hair. He blinks a few times, meeting your gaze. Although the boy traditionally looks tired, his eyes are devoid of warmth. He’s running on empty, completely gassed, and you can understand suddenly why all three of them had no desire to show up to classes.
“You know what I think this day calls for?” You shouldn’t be shocked to find that none of the three brothers reply, but Sukuna at the very least gives you his attention. “How do you three like cinnamon buns?”
“I like them,” Yuji mumbles into your shoulder, gripping your coat.
Well, at least one of them will give you an answer. If that’s the best you can get, you’ll take it.
“Great! You can get whatever treats you’d like, alright?”
Your enthusiasm is met with silence. This is one of those moments where it becomes glaringly obvious who raised the two boys.
Simply to fill the silence, you inquire with Yuji how his day went, plopping him onto the ground when he becomes too heavy to carry. He gingerly reaches for your hand, squeezing it as he talks about his day and a book his class has begun to read.
Yuji begins to drag your hand, falling further and further behind as he grows tired, practically trying to clamber onto your back as you stop to wait for a crosswalk.
Taking notice, Sukuna reaches down to pick up his little brother. “C’mere,” he mumbles as he lifts the child over his head until he’s sitting soundly on the man’s shoulders. You smile softly at the sight. They may not share a mother, but you’d hardly believe it. They’re like twins, only born several years apart.
Yuji idly tugs at Sukuna’s hair as he sits atop the man’s shoulders, a good six feet taller than where he usually stands. His older brother swats at his hands with a grimace, staring ahead as the boy settles and leans his torso on the back of Sukuna’s head.
You keep an eye on Choso, who begins to trail behind the closer you get to the cafe. You’re a good thirty minutes early, but you don’t think it’s a particularly good idea to have the kids listening into the legal discussion either way, so this will give you a chance to grab a table just for them.
Sukuna ducks as he walks into the cafe, ensuring he doesn’t smack his brother’s head on the doorframe, while you trail behind to wait for Choso. When his eyes meet your feet in front of him, they slowly trail up until he finds your gaze. It twists your heart, to see how blankly he stares at you.
“Hey honey. If you don’t want to talk, that’s totally fine, but I just want you to know I’m here.”
His eyes flicker between yours.
Kneeling down to his height, you smile softly. “Do you remember when you found that paperwork and I told you that your brother would talk to me if he needed help?”
Choso blinks a couple of times, and for a moment, you think that’s the most you’ll get from him, but he finds it in himself to nod.
“Well, he did come to me for help. We’re gonna meet my friends at the cafe in a bit and they’re gonna help your brother. He’s fighting for you. We’ll figure things out, okay?”
He nods again, taking a meager step forward before finding his way into your arms. You hug him back tightly and rub his back.
“Thank you.” It’s quiet and hoarse, you can tell he hasn’t spoken in a while. But it’s a step forward, and you’ll take it.
A knock on the glass grabs your attention and you pull back a bit to look up at the cafe window above you. The picture of stoicism, Sukuna stares down at you from within, pointing behind him with his thumb.
‘Got us a table,’ he mouths through the glass, before turning back towards the interior. You don’t catch a word he says, narrowing your eyes as you try to make out what he’s trying to tell you.
“He got a table.” Choso mumbles, the tiniest hint of a smile on his face as you turn back to him.
“Is he, like- really bad at that?” You ask, smirking as you point a thumb in the direction where Sukuna was moments ago.
Choso nods, his smile turning up sliiiiightly more.
“And here I thought it was just me,” you grin, standing back up and leading the way to the back of the cafe where Sukuna’s got two tables reserved, one with four seats, and a smaller one with two. He must be on the same wavelength as you, having deliberately chosen a table with enough distance to keep the conversation private, while still having the kids nearby.
He pulls a stack of very ripped and wrinkled papers from his bag, setting them face down on the table as Choso crawls into a tall chair beside his brother. With an arched brow, you set your hand on the paperwork as you take a seat beside him, asking a silent question.
“You can read ‘em if you want.”
Flipping them, your eyes first skim the tape that holds each page together, then the contents themselves.
“What happened to them?”
“I was pissed.”
Clearly. But you keep that thought to yourself. You skim the contents of the legal documents, nails tapping against the faux wood grain table rhythmically.
Case No. 2493
Social File No. 34785-98
Next Court Date: March 23rd.
In The Matter of Choso Itadori and Yuji Itadori.
Turns out, it only takes four sentences before you’re frowning at the page, the legal jargon a little bit beyond you. Of course, it’s not entirely illegible and you’re thankful you’re an English literature major, but the jurisdiction codes and notes are a bit beyond any English diploma.
“This is… a lot.”
“You’re tellin’ me,” Sukuna mumbles, glancing at his watch. “We got some time, you want anything?”
“I’m okay, thanks Kuna.” Keeping your head buried in the paperwork as you try to dissect an ounce of what the documents say, you chew on your lip as Sukuna drags his brothers to the counter before stepping off to the side to await his order.
With your head down and brow furrowed in documents, you don’t notice Kento standing opposite you with a decently sized box from your parents.
“Good afternoon,” Kento greets you, punctuating the sentence with your name. Your head whips up with a smile as you greet the two men. Standing beside Kento is another tall man with tousled short brown hair, sunken eyes, and a prominent nose. He’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans, with a blazer over top, which is about what you would imagine a law student wears. “This is Higuruma,” he introduces the man.
“Hiromi is fine,” he chuckles, surprisingly informal for someone leaning in to extend his hand to you.
Shaking his hand, you flash him a grin. “Nice to meet you,” you greet him, imparting your name. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate this.”
“It’s not a problem,” Hiromi chuckles kindly, taking a seat kitty cornered from you while Kento sits across from you. Hiromi has an air of tiredness about him that’s not entirely dissimilar to that of Sukuna.
Sukuna returns just in time, a tray of cups held high above the ground to prevent a certain young boy from dangling off his arm and spilling them.
That same young boy happens to be dangling off his other arm, though it hardly seems to weigh the man down as he easily holds both the boy and the bag of treats up. He mumbles something to Choso as he sets the tray down, making a motion for the boy to look in his backpack.
Kento and Hiromi watch in barely-masked shock as Sukuna gently directs the kids to a smaller table in the corner, handing them the bag of sweets and a cup of hot chocolate each. Choso tucks a couple of coloring books and markers beneath his elbow as well as they leisurely make their way to the little table in the corner.
With a heavy, tired, sigh, Sukuna takes a seat beside you, pulling the last two cups out and setting one in front of himself and one in front of you.
“Oh, I don’t-”
Ignoring you outright, Sukuna speaks up. “Woulda gotten you both somethin’ but I don’t know your orders,” he gruffs to the two men opposite him, his jaw tightening at the painfully obvious shock and hint of guilt that gleams in Kento’s eyes.
“That’s… Quite alright,” Kento clears his throat, introducing Hiromi and Sukuna to one another before passing you the box of belongings your parents had sent with him. Hiromi extends his hand again, though Sukuna’s not so eager to take it. It’s all a bit formal for him.
“So, I assume this has to do with legal questions,” Hiromi chuckles wryly as you take a sip of your drink.
Your exact order.
Sukuna remembered.
Sukuna hums, sliding the papers across the table without a word. Hiromi coughs once at the sight of the ripped papers, stifling a laugh at the unsightly state of them. It fades almost immediately as his eyes trace the Times New Roman that litters the page.
With a sigh, he runs a hand through his hair, leaning over the table.
“Right. Before we start, I need to make something clear. What I’m doing right now is illegal as a student, so you can’t breathe a word that I was here,” he states firmly, hollowed eyes flickering between the both of you.
“I’m good at keeping secrets,” Sukuna mumbles, amusement pricking the edge of his tone.
Hiromi glances back at the kids, catching his meaning. “They’re yours, then? Legally, I mean?”
“Yeah.”
Hiromi sighs again, nodding. “I see. Give me a moment to read these.”
“In the meantime, can I get you both something to drink?” You ask politely.
“Coffee, black, please,” Hiromi replies, leaning over the table on his elbow as he tilts the first page read over a rip, casting the glare on the tape elsewhere.
“That will be fine for myself as well, thank you,” Kento smiles kindly. He waits until you’re out of earshot to speak to Sukuna while Hiromi reads. “She cares about you a great deal, you know.”
A muscle in Sukuna’s jaw ticks. He had a feeling this was coming, though he’d hoped you simply wouldn’t leave his side. He can only avoid his mistakes so long, it seems.
“She’s a good friend.”
Kento’s reaction gives nothing away, his observant expression looking for a break in Sukuna’s aloof features, any sign that he’s the shallow asshole Kento had taken him for. When he doesn’t find it, he nods slowly.
“She is. She deserves that same treatment back.”
Sukuna’s lip twitches, bordering on a snarl that he only holds back out of courtesy of the blonde doing him a favor. “I’m aware.”
Kento sighs, his posture relaxing in his seat as Sukuna bites his tongue, matching Kento’s sigh with a striking glare. “Listen, I believe that we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, and given how close she is to both of us, I’d prefer to be on friendly terms.”
“Mm.”
Gathering that Sukuna isn’t one for words, Kento continues. “I see now that there are…” he pauses, his eyes sliding to the right where the two kids are quietly coloring. “Extenuating circumstances behind what happened and I may have misdirected my anger. So, I apologize.”
Sukuna quietly observes Kento’s surprisingly sincere apology, nodding slowly. “I appreciate you lookin’ out for her.”
Sukuna doesn’t exactly verbally accept the apology, but that’s not uncharacteristic of him. Besides, he can’t exactly hold a grudge against the man who’s helping him in a legal battle.
“Of course. Let it be known, however, that if you hurt her again, I will not take it so lightly.” Kento adds grimly.
Sukuna huffs. “‘Course.”
“Great.” Kento extends a hand as an act of good will.
“Can we cut the formalities? They aren’t really my deal.”
Kento cracks a smile, nodding. “Sure, Sukuna.”
The sounds of the cafe make for a relatively comfortable silence in spite of Hiromi’s obvious discomfort of the conversation happening over his head. The sounds of the coffee machines, clinking of glasses, and slamming of fridges help to make the environment a little easier on the three men.
“Alright,” you plop down in your chair once more, “two black coffees.”
Both men thank you as you settle beside Sukuna.
“How are the kids?” You quietly ask, leaning back to glance at them.
Sukuna shrugs. “Coloring Spider-Man probably. They seem fine.”
“Alright,” Hiromi taps the stack of unkempt papers against the table, grabbing a pen from the pocket of his blazer and a stack of sticky notes from his pocket. Somehow that’s just so law student that you find yourself with a lopsided smile as you watch. “I’ll need a bit of extra info, can I ask some questions?”
Sukuna slides back in his chair, grimacing to hide his disdain for needing to share his personal life. “Shoot.”
“Right. So, I’ll need the relationships of everyone involved in their lives. Parents, grandparents, and siblings.” He positions his pen to take notes.
Sukuna, begrudgingly as ever, sighs. “Kaori and Jin Itadori are their parents, Jin passed away three or so years ago,” he begins, his leg tapping beneath the table. You’ve noticed he seems to do that whenever the subject of his father comes up around people he isn’t comfortable with. “I’m their half-brother. Father’s side.”
Hiromi nods, writing away with his pen.
“No family remaining on the father’s side apart from myself. They got an uncle and aunt on the mother’s side, as well as a grandfather, I got no contact or names for any of ‘em.”
Hiromi glances up, his eyes sliding towards you. “And your girlfri-”
“We’re friends. She looks after ‘em sometimes,” Sukuna interrupts, keeping his gaze straight ahead. You’re grateful he does, your cheeks absolutely alight with heat. Pulling your hands politely into your lap, you fiddle with your fingers.
Sensing he may have hit a sore subject, Hiromi scratches the back of his neck. He tugs at the collar of his shirt, returning to his notes. “Right. How’d you end up with custody to begin with?”
“Their mother moved for a job before Yuji turned one. When I reached out when our father passed away, she didn’t respond.” Sukuna keeps his replies short and simple, only divulging what he needs to.
Hiromi pauses for a brief moment to stare at Sukuna, as if in disbelief. Kento’s expression matches, but he quickly clears his throat to keep the conversation going. “And the contact with their uncle and aunt? Grandfather?”
“They ain’t my family. I don’t have contact. Lawyers tried, no answer.” He shrugs.
Hiromi jots down more notes, pointing the back of his pen towards Sukuna. “That’s good for you, by the way.”
Sukuna nods slowly, though he’s unable to let his guard down regardless.
“What methods of contact did you use?”
Hiromi clicks his pen a number of times and Sukuna crosses his arms over his chest. “Email, mail, and phone.”
“Was she in communication before Jin passed?” Hiromi queries, leaning over his notes.
Sukuna pauses, narrowing his eyes in thought. “I think so. I don’t have Jin’s phone anymore.”
Hiromi hums, scratching his jaw as he takes down notes. “I see. Are the kids…” he pauses, swinging the end of his pen in the direction of their table, “aware of this?”
Sukuna visibly tenses. “Yeah.”
Gingerly, you slide your leg closer until it’s sidled next to him. Although he doesn’t react, his bouncing leg slows to a halt, as does the subtle shaking of the table. You smile to yourself that you’re able to bring him the comfort he stubbornly refuses to ask for.
“Did she come to you first before sending these over?” Hiromi asks, making a motion towards the legal documents.
Sukuna shakes his head.
“Right. That should do it for the petitioner’s side,” Hiromi hums, tapping the back of his pen against his notes. “Let’s talk about you and your brothers.”
“My favorite subject,” Sukuna grumbles.
Hiromi offers a sympathetic smile. “I get it, believe me. I’m a pretty private person, too. Now, what’s your major?”
“History.”
Hiromi’s brow raises. He seems somewhat surprised, though he doesn’t voice it. “Got anything lined up for when you graduate?”
“No.”
“I assume you’re working as well.”
Sukuna grits his teeth, fed up with the overly personal questions. “Yeah. I’m a mechanic and I stock shelves.”
Hiromi leans on his arm as he jots that down. “You’re a busy guy,” he mumbles, met with Sukuna’s glare at the unhelpful commentary. Hiromi seems unphased, chuckling. “Sorry, my bad. Do you own or rent?”
“I rent an apartment.”
“Three bedroom?”
“Two.”
“Got it. Alright,” he sighs, running both hands through his hair and leaning back in his chair until it’s precariously balancing on the back two legs. With a thud, the chair slams down onto the floor. “Sounds like a fairly standard case. There’s a number of things here that’ll work in your favor, but-” he pauses, wording his statement carefully. “Trying to win a guardianship case against their biological mother isn’t something I would call easy.”
Sukuna nods.
“Let’s go over the basics. She’s trying to claim them as her right as their mother, but she’s also claiming you’re unfit for guardianship on two counts, lack of funds and irresponsibility. That means you’ll need to prove otherwise on both counts, while also convincing them that the right place for the kids is with you,” Hiromi states, shuffling the opening page aside to briskly scan the second page. “At the end of the day, the judge will choose what’s right for the kids. The mother will have a bit of a leg up on you since she won’t have to fight any claims of ill-doing.”
Sukuna frowns. That doesn’t exactly bode well for him.
“You’ve got some good things going for you, though. You should have a record or be able to pull a record of your contact with her. Having two jobs, although not ideal, has its merits as well. Your brothers are clearly both healthy and I assume you’ve kept them in school as well and you’ve had them for three years now, that’s a strong argument.”
“There’s a ‘but’ somewhere here,” Sukuna frowns.
“There… is,” Hiromi agrees, running another hand through his tousled hair and disheveling it further. He leans forward, picking up the stack of legal papers. “I’m assuming the reason she took a job overseas in the first place is for money. She’s paying for a good lawyer,” he points out, setting the paper back down on the table and sliding towards Sukuna. “They’re expensive for a reason, and they’re not just the best in the city. They have national renown.”
Your heart sinks at the sound of that. “So, pro-bono…?”
“It’s certainly an option,” Hiromi avoids your gaze as he replies, something that doesn’t sit well with you. “Legal clinics and pro-bono are meant more for standard cases-”
“You said this was standard,” Sukuna contains his growl, his voice strained. His leg presses hard against yours, his anger contained with all the strength of a bottle cap.
“It is, on paper. The problem here that I’m concerned about is her choice of lawyers.” He taps his pen on his notes as Sukuna drags his hands over his face in exasperation. “They aren’t… exactly known for losing.”
“Fucking... Just fucking great,” Sukuna gripes, leaning over the table on heavy shoulders. He downs what’s left of his coffee, pressing a thumb into the crease between his brows.
“I would be willing to bet that she purposely chose to spring this on you before the kids are old enough to testify.”
“Choso isn’t old enough…?” You query with a frown.
Hiromi slides the legal papers back towards himself, looking over the listed birth date. “No, he’s one year off, and even if he was, you would still need to convince them he’s mature enough.”
“Fuck,” Sukuna sighs, his chest tight. “So my odds aren’t good then, are they?”
Hiromi watches his words as he scratches the back of his neck. “Uh, they’re not ideal. I’d say two to one, but not impossible. You do have a lot going for you.”
“What do you think he should do?” You ask softly.
Hiromi sighs. “Your best bet will be to really lean in on the fact that you’ve had them for three years because she never replied. Call your cell carrier and get phone logs if they’ve kept them, grab any copies of letters sent, pull up emails, anything you can to prove you reached out.” Hiromi pauses, setting his pen on the table as he takes a sip of coffee. “Pull up every record you have that proves the kids are in good health. Things like vaccination records will go a long way. If you can get your employers to write letters detailing your work ethic, that’s worthwhile too. Anything to prove you’re fit.”
Great. His employers get to know about his brothers. Everyone gets to see into Sukuna’s personal life.
Just fucking great.
Sukuna leans hard against his hand, roughly rubbing his eyes. “Sure,” he huffs, swinging a hand through the air. “Why the fuck would she be doing this in the first place?” He leans back suddenly, whipping his hand through the air in exasperation. “Three years ago it wasn’t her fuckin’ problem, so what changed?”
Hiromi flips to the third page of the documents. “If I were to guess, she wants the government grants for childcare.” His eyes skim the second paragraph on the page, pausing as he thinks over what legal code the paperwork is recalling. “I assume you get that right now with two dependents.”
“Yeah, it pays my fuckin’ rent. She’s got money, though, what the fuck changed?”
Sukuna’s clearly running out of patience, to no fault of Hiromi’s, but he’s completely unphased by him. Whatever type of law he’s going into, he must be accustomed to this kind of behavior.
With a tight-lipped smile, Hiromi shrugs. “All I can do is guess. I don’t know.”
Sukuna rakes a hand through his hair. “So, what the hell do I do about the pro-bono thing?”
“I have some contacts that I can recommend that might give you a break on the cash side, but yeah. I’d recommend against going the free route. I really don’t think you’ll have a foot to stand on if you do that.”
Sukuna stands abruptly, his chair scraping against the tile flooring. It echoes loudly around the little cafe, pulling all attention towards him, but he pays it no mind. His brow twitches, crimson eyes filled with distress. “How expensive are we talkin’?”
Hiromi frowns sympathetically. “Two months’ rent I’d guess, though they may cut you a break but it’ll depend on how long you spend with them.”
Looking between the kids and Sukuna, you can see the questions rising from them as their brother holds the cafe’s attention. In an effort to keep everyone calm, you brush your fingers gently against Sukuna’s wrist, your nails dragging softly over his wrist tattoo. “Take a seat,” you urge him, pointedly tilting your head towards his little brothers, who are both staring at him with wide eyes.
Sukuna inhales sharply, taking his seat again. “Is that the high or low end of your guess?”
“High,” Hiromi tries to assure him.
“Great,” Sukuna growls, his anger directed at no one in particular.
“Is there anything else we should know?” You query quietly in an effort to keep the conversation from Choso and Yuji.
Hiromi taps his fingers on the table in thought. “I get it, Sukuna, I really do, but you need to have the patience of a god in court.” Sukuna’s teeth grit on instinct. “A judge won’t take kindly to a mouthy defense. Only speak when spoken to. Got that?”
Sukuna scoffs with all the dramatism of a man falling apart at the seams. “Yeah. Whatever.”
“Thank you, Hiromi. This is a huge help, really.”
He offers a kind smile. “It’s no problem, really. But remember, you got this info online or something,” he chuckles, taking a sip of his coffee. “I’ll have Kento send you some of my contacts.”
“Thank you. And no problem, this was nothing more than a helpful websearch,” you giggle, checking on Sukuna in your peripherals. He’s staring at his little brothers, the sound of clinking metal muffled by his pocket as he opens and shuts his lighter.
You give him a nudge, pulling him back to the present, if only for a moment. “Mm. Thanks, Hiromi.”
Hiromi, clearly sympathetic to what Sukuna’s going through, smiles. “Happy to help. Thanks for the coffee.”
You say your goodbyes and gather the kids’ belongings and the box from your parents, offering Sukuna a ride home. It’s chilly and getting dark, and the last thing you need is for a man not in his right mind to try to walk two scared kids home.
Fuck, what a situation he’s in.
He accepts your offer with a nod, letting you lead the way and chat with the kids as he trails behind.
The ride is quiet. Even by Yuji’s standards, it’s painfully quiet. He points out some street art of a monster with a crown that he likes, but it seems to be the most even the five-year-old can manage. Their whole family is emotionally drained.
Even by your standards, you’re running on empty at this point. There’s only so much emotional strain you can handle and between the concern that had distracted you all week and a long day of walking on eggshells around Sukuna, your social battery is running low too. There’s only so much you can handle when the man in your passenger seat has nestled his way into your heart and left an irreparable hole in which only he could fit.
Your heart can only handle so much distant love.
It became increasingly clear over the past week that his absence was making your heart grow fonder. Although you were apart for a while after Christmas, his continual emails sated the part of you that craved him so desperately. Without that, a chasm opened and swallowed you whole, unable to fight it for even a moment.
Still, even in the bone-weary silence of your car, being surrounded by Sukuna and his sweet little family holds a temporary bandage around the pieces of your heart. It’s flimsy at best, fleeting as it begins to unravel with each disheartening snap and gripe that comes from Sukuna, but you can’t blame him when his entire world is caving in around him.
Hell, you can’t even begin to worry about the pain the squeezes your heart when he’s barely holding it together beside you. Usually the face of stoicism, yet his well-put-together seams are cracking, revealing his facade not just to you, but to everyone.
Sukuna’s door swings open the moment you park as he stumbles on his feet as though your vehicle had been claustrophobic. He sets a large palm on the hood of your car to steady himself, dazed.
Pushing down the uneasy feeling building in your chest, you keep calm as you lift Yuji out of the back seat and watch him run over to Choso, getting on the tips of his toes to whisper something into Choso’s ear.
Rounding the car, you try to grab Sukuna’s attention, the look of helplessness on his face catching you off guard as he makes a point of hiding from his brothers. His grip on your car is unyielding, his knuckles white from the effort of holding himself upright.
“Keys?” You whisper quietly. He blinks a couple of times, his chest rising and falling startlingly quickly as he fumbles in his jacket pocket with his spare hand. “I got it.” Gingerly reaching out, you slip your hand into his pocket, careful to pull out only his keys and not his lighter.
Jogging up to Choso, you smile reassuringly. “I just need to talk to your brother. You two go upstairs for me, okay? Lock the door behind you.”
Choso nods, pausing to peek past you at his older brother. There’s a silent question in his eyes that he won’t voice. Whether that’s a trauma response or that he knows you understand, you can’t say for sure.
“He’s okay, don’t worry sweetheart,” you reassure him, ruffling his hair.
He puts his trust in you with a half-hearted attempt at a smile and grabs Yuji’s hand to lead the way into the building.
The sun has mostly set over the horizon at this point, casting dark purple hues over Sukuna’s tattooed cheeks. He hunches over the hood of your car, leaning his body so heavily over the vehicle that it dips under his weight. He exhales shakily, dragging his hands down his face.
In your best effort to comfort him, you gently rub his back. His muscles are taut beneath the down of his winter coat, his back rising and falling just a bit too quickly for your comfort.
“Sukuna?”
He forces himself upright, raking his fingers through his hair.
“Fuck!” He barks, taking a step away from you to pace along the side of your car. His mind is a jumbled mess and he doesn’t know how to make sense of the thoughts that seem to relentlessly batter him, leaving him with a heaving, tight chest, searing anger, and something he can’t put a name to.
Anxiety.
“Sukuna?” You try again as his pacing grows erratic.
“Fuck, I don’t fucking-” he stammers, fists balling at his sides as he struggles not to launch the closest thing to his hand into the wall. Again. He doesn’t need to break his lighter twice in only a couple of months.
You take a step towards him in an attempt to disrupt his pacing course, but he simply turns on his heel in the other direction.
“That fucking-”
“Sukuna!” You jog around to face him, gripping the open front of his black coat and stopping him abruptly.
“What?” He snarls breathlessly, pulling back against your grip.
You don’t relent, keeping him in place although you know he has the strength to tear himself from you if he wanted.
“Can you breathe, Kuna?”
He tugs against you once more, gripping the top of your vehicle. It’s cold on the pads of his fingers, a sharp contrast to the blazing heat his body is overproducing. He doesn’t, can’t, reply to you, but you don’t need him to, the answer is written plain as day for all to see.
He’s panicking.
He’s spiraling downwards harshly and his anxiety is taking along with it the strong front that Sukuna has worked relentlessly to maintain. His own body is forcibly breaking down the walls he built not only to keep himself safe, but also his brothers.
His body is begging you for the help he’d never ask for, lest he suffer alone.
“It’s okay if you can’t,” you soothe, your voice low and gentle as he leans against your car. “Sit down in the back of my car,” you urge sternly, attempting to tug him towards the back door.
He forcefully pulls back out of your grip. “I’m not my fuckin’ kid brothers, don’t fucking treat me like them,” he hisses, fire swirling beneath the surface of his eyes. It’s a meager attempt to mask his distress.
You frown, unmoving as you contemplate how to help someone who doesn’t want your help. Someone who doesn’t want pity or sympathy, who wants only respect and nothing less.
It doesn’t matter how much respect for him you have when looking back at him he sees only sympathy in your eyes.
“Please, can we talk? It’s cold out here, just sit in the back of my-”
“For fuck’s sake, what the fuck is there to talk about?” He yells, whipping his hand through the air. He reels back, rubbing the heels of his palms against his eyes. “I can fucking handle things, stop sticking your nose in my damn business,” he hisses in a strained tone, rubbing at his chest in discomfort.
Your eyes trail down to watch the way he clutches at his shirt and pulls the collar from his neck as though it’s choking him, his lips slightly parted as he struggles to breathe. “Sukuna, I know you can handle things. Just listen to me, okay?” His eyes snap to you. “Have you had a panic attack before?”
“I’m not havin’ a fucking panic attack, christ, just- gimme some fuckin’ space,” he backs away from you, walking over to his apartment building’s exterior and rummaging through his jacket pockets in search of cigarettes. He pulls out a small cardboard box, flipping it open with shaky hands and muttering a curse under his breath as he comes up empty. He tosses it at full force into the building, leaning his head against the wall a moment later as his vision grows white at the edges.
“Sukuna,” your tone is firm as you come up behind him. “Please sit.”
By some miracle, he flips until his back can slide down the wall and he’s finally sitting, his gaze fixed nowhere in particular behind you.
Letting out a sigh of relief, you lower yourself down to your knees to sit in front of him. Thank god. Even as the cold snow melts beneath you and seeps into the warmth of your pants, chilling the skin of your knees, you push through. Setting your hands on his forearms, you rub soothing circles into them.
“Here, are your hands cold?” Sliding the tips of your fingers along his arm and raising goosebumps with your touch even through the barrier of his jacket, you gauge the temperature of his hands, nodding to yourself. “They are cold… here-” you lift his hand up to cool the back of his neck, which is overheating even in the below freezing weather. “I think that should feel good.”
It shouldn’t piss him off as much as it does that you’re right. It does help, leaving him completely at your mercy, as Sukuna himself doesn’t understand how to quell this feeling.
“Breathe with me, okay?”
He doesn’t react, but his crimson gaze falls to your chest, studying the rise and fall. You direct him by repeating a gentle “in… and out,” moving your thumb along his arm in time with your own breaths and instructions. He closes his eyes as the pain in his chest eases and he’s able to catch his breath.
Continuing to soothingly run your thumb along his arm, you carefully reach up to brush his sweat-slicked hair from his forehead. He stiffens briefly, but quickly relaxes without bothering to open his eyes.
Your heart twists at the intimacy of the situation, but it’s neither the time nor place to concern yourself with your own emotions.
You can handle the way your own chest tightens as Sukuna’s finger twitches and brushes your wrist, settling against the warmth of your skin.
You don’t dare interrupt the peace, giving him the time he needs to find his grounding. It takes him a few moments, but he moves his hand from the back of his neck, settling it on his knee. His gaze fixes on something in the distance as he takes a long, exhausted breath.
To your surprise, his arm that you’re still rubbing circles into flips and his thumb and fingers wrap around the circumference of your forearm. With a lopsided smile, you squeeze his arm back.
“Talk to me.”
With the sun completely set over the horizon, the only light that illuminates Sukuna’s face is that of the light over his apartment building. It glows faintly, flickering every so often with a golden hue that paints the broken expression on his face in such a way that even in this dire situation, he looks ethereal.
His gaze travels upwards as the light flickers again, the golden hue glimmering against the packed snow beneath your (very cold) knees. “I can’t afford a lawyer,” he mutters shamefully, his brow furrowed.
You contemplate your next words very carefully given Sukuna’s nature. “What can I do?” To help?
“Nothing,” he scoffs, his eyes not leaving the point where his hand connects with your arm. Even with a jacket between you, your presence brings him comfort. “I’ll figure shit out like I always do.”
“You don’t need to do this alone, Kuna.”
The glare he shoots you is sharp. “I can manage.”
“Manage until- until what? You have another panic attack?” Although your tone is still gentle, there’s a prickle to your words.
“I didn’t have a fuckin’-”
“Bullshit!”
Sukuna blinks. He can’t remember if he’s ever heard a curse leave your lips. There’s a fiery determination lit beneath you that he won’t quench with his distilled anger.
“You’re allowed to need help, Sukuna. It doesn’t make you weak.”
His grip on your arm tightens, almost uncomfortably. He doesn’t know how to take your words and his vexation is only growing. “I’ll need to take more shifts,” he mumbles.
“I’m here. If you need someone to watch the kids,” you offer.
His chest rises and falls heavily as he exhales slowly. As if coming to some sort of conclusion, he frowns. “You’re too kind, princess.” His tone is uncharacteristically weak and painfully distant. He squeezes your arm once, before dropping it to pull himself up off the ground. He brushes snow from his pants and coat and picks up the empty cigarette box crumpled on the ground. “I’m gonna head inside.” His gaze turns down to your knees as you follow suit and stand before him. “Go warm up and dry off.”
“Are you sure you don’t need-”
“I’m fine.” He assures you, turning towards the door without so much as a goodbye, but he thinks twice on this and pauses before he can enter his building. He examines your frown as he fights an internal debate. His sharp gaze traces your movements as you swipe your tongue over your lower lip and bite down on it.
He’s caught up on a strange inkling in his mind that doesn’t really make sense to him, but he gives pause to it.
Your lips look like a goddamn invitation. He’s not thinking about your body, or the way your skin sears him when you brush his hand. It’s something entirely else that he wants to act on, and all you’re doing is standing there, the picture of uncertainty as you fiddle with your fingers and chew on your lips.
Your god forsaken lips.
“Sukuna?” You meekly question, tilting your head.
He swears you could have the world if you truly wanted with just a tilt of your head.
It’s a shame Sukuna knows he doesn’t belong in your world. You’re too kind, you always have been. You’re like the syrup they drizzle over cheesecake, or the decorative sprinkles that top that shitty whipped cream that bakeries love to use. The sugar-free kind that doesn’t quite taste right and you’re not sure why they even bother with it, so they add the sweetest sprinkles to compensate.
Once again, Sukuna thinks about how you’re the sun, and he’s nothing more than a distant star sputtering out on the horizon. He doesn’t consider that every star is a sun to someone else.
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “Was just thinkin’. Thanks for organizing today, gave me a lot to work with.”
And with that, he’s pushing through the door before you can even tell him that he’s welcome.
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❦ a/n ; OOPS ALMOST 18K CHAPTER. honestly it just didn't feel right to end it before the discussion with higuruma and sukuna's reaction to it, so here we are. forgive me for the angst :((( i love these babies sm and it physically hurt to put them through this 😭 the support for this series has been so overwhelmingly lovely and heartwarming, i really can't thank you all enough. seriously, y'all are the sweetest and the comments and asks i've received about this series brighten my day every single time 🫶 anyway, ily all and i'm sorry 😭
❦ taglist ; OPEN. please comment here or on the masterlist if you would like to be tagged. age MUST be easily visible on your blog.
@yenayaps @rinachains @aiicpansion @fushitoru @gojoscumslut
@hellish4ever @kasukuna @theonlyhonoredone @catobsessedlady @timetoletmyimaginationfly
@clp-84 @coffee-and-geto @candyluvsboba @favvkiki @gojodickbig
@spindyl @ohmykwonsoonyoung @kyo-kyo1 @officialholyagua @coldluminarykoala
@ieathairs @cinnamxnangel @nessca153 @aerareads @after-laughter-come-tears
@tillaboo @thepassionatereader @erencvlt @v1sque @a-girl-with-thoughts
@lauuriiiz @blueemochii @paradisestarfishh @erenxh @call-me-doll8811
@toulouse365 @dabieater @janrcrosssing @satsattoru @moonchhu
@privthemis @captainsarcasmandsass @ryomeowie @vitoshi @kunasthiast
@axxk17 @toratsue @bluestbleu @yuji-itadori-fave @totallygyomeiswife
writing & format © starmapz. art © 3-aem. dividers © adornedwithlight & cafekitsune
#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#ryomen sukuna series#ryomen sukuna x y/n#sukuna ryoumen smut#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna x reader#sukuna x y/n#jjk smut#jjk#sukuna smut#ryomen sukuna smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader smut#sukuna ryomen#sukuna ryomen x reader#ryomen sukuna x you#sukuna fluff#jjk fluff#jjk x you#jjk series#jujutsu kaisen series#sukuna series#dividers by @/adornedwithlight and @/cafekitsune and art by @/3-aem#starmapz works#starmapz
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OH MY GOD OR THIS https://www.tumblr.com/justkitkatthings/768357089618903040/i-know-this-isnt-possible-but-just-hear-me-out-a AND READER WHO BECOMES THE ONE WHO INCLUDES SIMON IN EVERYTHING OR IS NOT SNAPPY TOWARDS HIM???
YES ANON THAT'S WHERE I WAS THINKING OF TAKING IT!!! That or making them all in a poly relationship (because I did tag it as that) if I continue this but idk how to write for that, so just lmk what everyone wants because I fear I AM a people pleaser.
ANYWAYS, HERE’S PT 2
———
It was stupid, really. Sure, you had to relearn how to walk and run and drive and kneel down and do a push up, etc etc. But, like, after you did all that (with the help of some physical therapy and Just Dance) it was like nothing changed.
And it wasn't like it was your fault the bottom half of your leg got blown up. The least they could do was let you keep your job!
To make things worse, John, Kyle, and Johnny seemed extra busy nowadays. Or maybe it's just because of your replacement, which John is adamant about you meeting. It’s how you find yourself in the base you used to call home several years ago, with your old family practically smothering you in affection. It was less of you meeting this new guy and more of a reunion, which is how you wanted to keep it.
At least, at first.
You liked having the attention and affection of your three best friends, but you could only stand so many of the longing gazes from the brooding man before you cracked. He looked… kind of hurt, and definitely lonely.
He looked like you, almost.
As much as you tried, you can’t resist those big brown eyes and slumped broad shoulders. The night you finally cracked, everyone was drinking. Your stump was hurting and John, Kyle, and Johnny were too drunk to carry you, so you were stuck with Simon.
He picked you up with ease and you thought that it was done there, until he quietly spoke up.
“Why do you hate me?”
You’ve never heard his voice sound this small and vulnerable before. This wasn’t a big tank of a man asking you that, it was a scared and insecure child. Yep. Yep, definitely looks like you.
“I don’t hate you.” You huff and roll your eyes, but it’s not like you can do much while trapped in his arms.
“You act like it.” He countered with a petulant pout, or what you think is one, covered by the mask.
It's not fair! He can’t do that to you. His stupid pout and his stupid, strong, steady arms were going to be the death of you. He pulled on your heartstrings so hard, he made you take him under your wing (which is ironic, because he’s larger and older than you).
You didn’t act like you hated him for too long after that. Someone finally gave him the comfort he never got from anyone else, you offered him kind words and gentle touches, and now he’s stuck to you like glue. Soon enough, you’re spending more time with him than with John, Kyle, and Johnny.
You can’t say you hate it. The two of you understand each other more than anyone else ever could. It’s not that the other three don’t understand you both, it's just that you understand each other more.
No one will ever take that away from you. No one will ever take him away from you.
#simon ghost riley x reader#john price x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#kyle gaz garrick x reader#cod#tf 141 x reader#poly 141 x reader
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My least favorite placements (personal opinion)
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃
• please remember that these are just my personal takes and observations mostly based on people I’ve met/know and if it doesn’t apply to you, it’s most likely aimed at the undeveloped versions of the placement! 💕
#1: Virgo moons
I’m sorry I have way too many people in my life with this placement (especially family members) and y’all just know how to get under people’s skin. Every virgo moon I’ve met seems to physically be unable to hold back their unwanted opinions and criticism. Y’all will serve the meanest comment on a silver platter when no one asked or wanted to hear that shit in the first place and then label it as “just being honest/trying to help” like nah you’re just straight up being annoying. So many virgo moons are also control freaks and want to project their routines and habits onto other people and enforce all their little rules onto them and expect everyone to accommodate them and their needs without considering other people’s needs. Also, this placement tends to be very insecure with themselves and their own inner critics so must of the time they also protect their insecurities onto other people cause they can’t fix them within themselves and that’s probably also why they dish out little snarky critiques to the people around them. They can also be way too pessimistic and “conservative” which gets on my nerves sm like you take these people somewhere on a night out and they complain about the music being “too loud” or people “talking too much and being annoying” like chill Karen. Stop trying to be a perfectionist babe, it’s okay to make mistakes
#2: Venus/sun/stellium in the 10H
Having this placement on its own in your natal chart is a blessing in a sense because you may receive a lot of good luck when it comes to your public reputation and people like you but personally, I feel like being around people with this placement isn’t as great. A lot of people I know with this placement tend to come off as superficial or “social climbers” who use others for career and reputation benefits. These are the types of friends that will ditch you if you’re not popular enough or if people are gossiping about you because they want to make themselves look good and will ignore you in public but then be your bestie in private cause they don’t wanna be seen with you. They also only seem to always talk about their image or what other people think about them. For example, I know people with this placement who would complain about their social media or followers every time we hung out. They would always complain about losing followers or why they can’t “have enough followers” and what to do to gain many. I had friends with this placement who would also ask for a lot but never give in return and put themselves on a high pedestal thinking they are constantly worthy of praise or deeds from others. On the downside, these people may put a false mask to the public. They can appear as kind and good-hearted when in reality they may not be that way and know how to manipulate in order to get what they want.
#3: Leo/Sag mercuries
I will say that these people are super fun and know how to tell the best stories and they are also very good at making people feel included in their life. However, on the flipside people with this placement seem to live in a world that is only made for them and only has space for them to be in. I’ve met so many ppl with Leo & sag mercuries and it always seems so hard for them to acknowledge the fact that other people have feelings too and what they say can hurt others. They just think of themselves as the main character most of the time which when they do it excessively, it becomes really annoying. I feel like people with this placement just don’t have the ability to be introspective and reflect on their actions and things they say to understand if maybe someone took it the wrong way or if they’re being too much. They also have little to no patience or tolerance when someone else is speaking and they find it impossible to let someone tell their full story without interrupting or sharing something about themself like it’s okay to let others have the spotlight for once (Im a Leo moon so I’m lowkey dragging myself a bit here). Also similar to virgo moons, they may make rude or “honest” comments because they are very direct and when someone expresses that it hurts them, they get super defensive and fail to see it from another person’s perspective. Also talking louder doesn’t mean you won the argument
#4: Gemini Venus
Please figure out what you want omdssss. Being in a relationship with these people is not for the weak let me tell you. I have an Aquarius Venus so in some aspects I get along well with Gemini Venus but in others it’s like I can never read their mind and they’re constantly changing it every 5 seconds. You would expect these people to be very good and open communicators since they’re associated w mercury but most of the time it just feels like they’re on a non-stop adventure with whatever their brain tells them to do and you just have to guess what they want and do it or they’ll get bored of you and ghost you. I know y’all need constant mental stimulation but I feel like most of the time the other person is offering that to you but you just want an excuse to get with someone else. CHEATERS. Especially the men with this placement. Options exist and y’all love that. Also in general and with friends these people can be very flakey they’ll make it feel like you’re their best friend one day then you barely know them the next.
#5: Moon square Mars or Pluto/moon in the 8H
These people know how to get what they want and can be incredibly manipulative. Be careful and try not to play their game cause once you do, it’s a never-ending mind fuck. Many people I know with this placement are the definition of “secret opps” or your “secret haters”. They most likely have a lot of unresolved baggage or problems so they look for any opportunity to hurt someone else and take it out on them (when the placement is unhealthy/undeveloped ofc). Also, this placement to me screams “evil/narcissist” mother. These people probably had a mother that was really controlling or emotionally toxic and they grew up repeating her habits and will continue to act just like her. My step sister has one of these placements and she would do whatever manipulative things her mother put in her head, to other people and report back to her like a dog. These people are usually completely blinded and owned by their mothers. They’ve most likely had life on hard mode and they resent anyone who’s had things going better for them and they find it hard to be happy and supportive of others. Everytime I see this placement in someone’s birth chart, I know not to share too many details with them or trust them that easily cause they know how to hide and are calculated with betraying you.
#6: Cancer Sun
Idk some of them just rub me the wrong way. It really depends on their other placements but usually cancer suns with air placements in their chart get on my nerves cause they can be so passive aggressive and when you meet them at first glance you get this vibe that they’re trying their best to be fake nice to you but they secretly have it out for you. These people are moody asf bonus points if they have a water rising and when you ask them what’s wrong they’ll just sulk in silence and have an attitude until you actively do something to give them attention or make things better. These people also hold a grudge for life and sometimes over the dumbest and smallest things. They’re the type of people to dedicate their whole life to hating you cause you accidentally bumped into them when walking past them. Also their victim mentality is so tiring, they constantly seek attention and validation over small things and have a hard time taking accountability for their actions and admitting they were wrong.
#astrology#astrology observations#zodiac#zodiac signs#astrology notes#zodiac observations#horoscope#gemini#leo#sag#cancer#8th house#10th house#moon sign#virgo#virgo moon#gemini venus#leo mercury#sagittarius#Pluto#moon#astrology placements
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Continuation of ✨ batshit insane au✨
Everything you will see here was made and designed by Ness or @almostswagkid, we just agreed that I would post it so that it would all be in one place, so please give her some praise and some love.
Gregor is one of the hunters of G corp, who engaged in the extermination of giant bugs flooding almost the entire district. Hunting is conducted not only because of the threat, but because of the resources that can be obtained by killing: Meat, armor and venom (witch is used for research, medicine and weapons).
Hunting groups usually consisted of 3-5 people and are sometimes joined by a couple of scientists for observation and study of the bugs, for better training of hunters and the effect of venom on them. This number of people per group was made on purpose, because otherwise it starts to attract unnecessary attention, as well as, requires more provisions and medicines, which is difficult to achieve in a permanent mobile group, which goes “on the hunt” on average for a month. Hunters have their own hierarchy, which manifests itself in tattoos, and each tattoo has its own meaning: from simple “High survivability” and “For luck” (such tattoo is tattooed in the form of a ladybug) to literally giving out an achievement, like medals of honor (Gregor has just such). Every hunter also gets dragonfly wings on their collarbone when they are trained. Hunters have many peculiar habits that do not allow them to freely blend into society, which makes them shunned by ordinary people
Herman is from a family, that's been studying and hunting bugs for generations so Gregor got into the industry because of Herman and started training and hunting at a very early age. Since he was a child she used him in her experiments to find not only to find an antidote to the venom, but also to find a use for it. Because of this, Gregor is almost immune to bug bites, even if he does get a bite, it will go away in a week. Plus, scars from needles and venom overdose can be seen on his arms.
Soon enough, at the age of 17, he joined another hunter group where he met Tomah. At first they didn't get along but soon enough they became close friends. Tomah often would tell about his plans and dreams, witch made Gregor started to form goals and desires. But, sadly, he got killed on what was supposed to be their last hunting mission
Bites from bugs on others are usually fatal because the venom literally melts the old skin and muscles, and then forms a new, insect-like shell, but the degree of spread of infection and lethality depends on the immunity of each person.
Each swarm has its own queen. That's what the hunters were looking for to stop the bugs spreading. Gregor and a Herman's group killed one of them, for which he became famous. The second, the biggest and most important one, he had killed on his own, when his whole group was killed by the swarm. He was badly hurt, but the spread stopped, upon his return Herman created a prosthetic arm that worked on just the remnants of the mutation. The mutations constantly distill the blood in the prosthetic + filled its cavity with nerves, so Gregor can use it almost freely like a normal hand
The hunting industry began to die because of the death of queens and Gregor was disliked by hunters and humans alike. After a few years of wandering from job to job, he joined Limbus. Prev post "Swap Ishmael"
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Eomer and Eowyn only talk to each other once in the films
but they communicate so much.
When Eomer first returns with a wounded Theodred, an entire dialogue is shared between Eomer and Eowyn without a single word passing between them.
This mutual look of concern, they're both on the same page.
Eowyn then goes on to look at Theodred's wound. It's interesting that Eomer now looks curious above all things, he's waiting on Eowyn's judgement.
Eowyn looks at the wound and grimaces. It's bad. Theodred isn't going to survive this.
She looks to Eomer, who looks back at her in grim resignation.
They go to Theoden to inform him of the situation. As Eomer walks by Eowyn, he doesn't speak to her or interrupt her, but he puts his hand on her back as he passes. Even when the focus is on other things, he is giving her that gesture of support and fondness. That it is done without fanfare shows that this sort of affection is commonplace.
They both stand before the throne, both of them united in their attempt to reach through to their uncle. They're a team, a unit.
Eomer throws down proof that Saruman, who Grima is trying to protray as a friend to Rohan, is sending his soldiers to terrorise their people.
Eowyn gives Grima a death glare, challenging him to refute her brother's accusations. She's on Eomer's side, Eomer's team.
Eomer sees Grima looking at Eowyn, and knows what he wants. It fills him with fury.
Eowyn sees her brother choking Grima against the wall. She looks on in cold silence, then walks away.
When Aragorn reveals that the beacons have been lit, Eowyn rushes into the throne room, drawing to a stop at Eomer's shoulder. They wait together for Theoden's judgement.
When it comes, and Theoden sends Eomer to muster the troops, Eomer bows, but even before he has fully straightened up, his eyes go to his sister.
Again, no words exchanged, simply a look of common understanding. They both know what the risks are, they both know what is at stake, for the world, for their country, for their family.
Before Eomer leaves, he touches Eowyn's arm, before walking away.
With Eomer gone, we see a steely determination come into Eowyn's eyes. Now there's something Eomer's missing, now Eomer's back is turn and there's something about sister that she's keeping from him. She's riding to battle.
The one time they speak to each other, they're in opposition. About Merry, about Eowyn, about war.
The words are harsh. Eomer is stern, Eowyn is defensive.
But Eomer puts his hand on Eowyn's shoulder. He doesn't say "I don't want you to get hurt, I don't want you in battle", but that hand on her shoulder, tells the audience that's exactly what he's saying.
Those small moments of physical affection culminate in one great moment, when stern, stoic Eomer discovers Eowyn on the battle field, and breaks down in tears, cradling her and rocking her like she's a child.
And his devotion to her ultimately shown in him sitting small and hunched, tucked in on himself, crouching down in armour for what seems to have been a lengthy space of time, as he sits by her side, waiting for her to be healed.
This is such an effective way of showing to an audience that two characters love each other, when there is a limited time window. The movie needed to crack on to cover the ground it needed to cover, and with so many important dynamics to reveal to the audience, the creators needed to be time effective. Eomer and Eowyn don't share much screen time, but the looks exchanged, the passing moments of intimacy, tells us clearly that these are two people greatly fond of each other, and have been fond of each other a long time.
The lack of spoken dialogue almost enhances it. Little is said between them because little needs to be said. They already know. The one time they do speak, it's when they're quarrelling, because that's the only moment when they need to use words. The rest of the time, a gesture, a look, is enough.
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honestly i think it's a little redundant to write any think pieces on what jean's endgame ship will be. it's going to be jerejean whether you like it or not. that's the story nora is writing. she said it herself when she announced it. this story is a love story but it's also a story about jean and his journey to recovery (and just because jeremy is the future love interest that doesn't diminish the importance kevin has on jean's life either. jean's feelings for kevin are very much still there but so is the betrayal and hurt of him leaving him in the nest. it's a very convoluted relationship of which we still don't know much about. only what jean has told us, so far. as the man who believes his feelings have not been reciprocated to the same degree, mind you. like, we still have two more books to go, one with more scenes with kevin in them where we will learn more.).
as for jeremy...lmao. have we not been talking about how little we know of him since the book dropped? and now all of a sudden people are claiming to know everything about him and decided he's no good? based on one book? and for some reason because he isn't handling his new traumatised teammate perfectly like a professional with a psychology degree he's somehow not right for jean? since when has anyone in this universe been perfect? or dealt with trauma professionally and perfectly?
do i think it's right that jeremy crossed some boundaries to get some answers about jean's past? no. do i think it's right that he overshared jean's truths to his friends without his permission? fuck no. but we're dealing with a whole different group of people here, most of which have not been traumatised to the level the foxes had been. who are not used to dealing with people like jean. jeremy has his own issues yet to be revealed, he clearly has problems standing up to his family (as seen with his sister), though he has no issue captaining his team (as seen with lucas) and it's suspect that he also doesn't think himself to be as great of a person as everyone else does given the sad look on his face when jean tells him he could never be anyone's villain. so idk why anyone thinks they know anything about him when he's so cagey in his own pov. and nowhere in that, may i add, has he ever implied he wants to "fix" jean. he wants to help him. he wants to give him reasons to enjoy his life now that he can i.e making him take that silly ceramics class for Fun. and given jean has had his whole life centred around exy (which he doesn't even enjoy anymore) i think it's actually very smart and helpful to get him doing things that "don't matter" so that he can learn from it and learn that he can actually live outside exy. that he can make mistakes and be imperfect at something and that's Okay.
at this moment in time in canon, kevin doesn't have that kind of mindset and it's probably because he was allowed the freedom to already pursue an interest outside of exy - his love of history. like are we missing the detail that he begged tetsuji to let him take that as his major and he actually allowed it? kevin, though still has a long way to go, still has something outside of exy he can hold onto and switch off from. jean doesn't have that and jeremy just so happens to come along and give him the option and for some reason that seems to get ignored. i think it's actually one of the most important things about their relationship so far. jeremy still makes all the accommodations jean needs - setting him up with class partners, taking him for a run when he needs to get out of his head, buying a bed to sleep in the room with him. but he also pushes back and insists jean try something to break him out of his unhealthy relationship with exy.
also, hello, jean literally admits to himself it's a Lie when he tells jeremy he doesn't want him to look if it's too much for him to deal with when jean is attacked by grayson. and jeremy refuses to look away. something everyone around jean has done since he was born, probably.
"Jeremy’s response was low but unhesitating: “I will not look away.” “I do not want you to look.” It frightened him how much it sounded like a lie, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it..."
jean appreciates when jeremy is so very obviously attracted to jean and openly staring, but doesn't press and removes himself from the situation if he thinks he may come on too strong.
"Threat assessment, he told himself, and it was almost the truth. He needed to see the easy way Jeremy ceded Jean’s space to him. Jean couldn’t remember the last time someone allowed him any boundaries, and the feeling was as novel as it was addicting."
hello???? that is literally jean himself telling us jeremy just allowed him a boundary. how does that get looked over?
also he's content enough with jeremy in his space that he feels safe enough to almost drift off
"In the quiet he could hear Jeremy breathing, and it was almost as comforting as the heat of another body this close to his. It thawed the parts of him the sun hadn’t reached despite soaking up its glare all day. Jean closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift far away. [...] This was the first time his room truly felt safe and right, and he was content to hold onto it for as long as he could."
mind you right after this jeremy presses that jean should have his own space and jean insists jeremy share with him and get his own bed. and let's not forget the obvious flirting that has jeremy immediately backtracking and telling jean to let him know if he ever makes him uncomfortable.
ALSO THIS
“Stop asking,” Jean said. “You only think you want these answers.”
jean may find it annoying and unfavourable that jeremy keeps pressing but idk i infer this to be more of jean not knowing how to handle someone actually giving a fuck about what was done to him when he was so used to everyone turning a blind eye.
finally (bc this is getting long) jeremy pushes himself into jean's space when he hugs him, and jean doesn't hug him back but he doesn't push him away either and jeremy is the one who has to wait for jean to let go of his shirt so he can move away.
"Jeremy heard the dismissal in it, but he waited for Jean to let go of his shirt before leaving the room."
i have made a post about this before but jean craves attention and affection, he wants to be loved and to be frank he fucking deserves it more than anyone else does.
i'll finish the post with one last line from jeremy's pov...
"...it wasn't his place to interfere with Jean's trauma or his healing."
jeremy isn't perfect, he's not meant to be.
#i actually think the push and shove dynamic he has with jean is what jean needs#anyway#just my two cents bc idk why everyone is being so doubtful all of a sudden#i also think nora knows what she's doing with the story she wants to tell#lets have a little more faith in her#jean moreau#jeremy knox#kevin day#jerejean#the sunshine court#tsc#all for the game#aftg#the golden raven#tgr
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WAIT NO I CAN'T CHOOSE-
Okay okay- this is technically propaganda? For the both of them?? Uh. (Big?) Spoilers below (because it is SO HARD to explain without giving context unfortunately D:)! (Also!! Mentions of self-harm!! You have been warned!!!)
Both of these songs give off the perfect vibes for their situations. (I'll use bold to signify the start of me talking about each song respectively!)
'I WON'T LET YOU GO HOME' is for when Siffrin is on his last legs (both physically and mentally)- he doesn't want his (found) family to leave him behind. He doesn't want to be alone, especially when he doesn't have a place TO call home anymore. His home is (technically) gone, along with all of his memories of it. And he actually found a family (found family :D) with the group he joined to save the country. He doesn't want them to leave- he doesn't want them to forget him- and he doesn't want to forget THEM. So when Siffrin gets to his last loop in Act 5, hearing the Head Housemaiden remind him that Everyone Will Be Going Their Separate Ways Since The Country Is Saved Now, he snaps, and before the resulting 'fight' he thinks "I WON'T LET YOU GO HOME." The name of the song!!!
During the fight 'I WON'T LET YOU GO HOME' plays in, there's actually an option for Siffrin to hurt himself instead of his friends/family, the '(Don't attack)' 'craft' with the description "Can't hurt them. Attack the only person left." and that really shows how much he cares about them, to have the option of hurting himself because he doesn't want to hurt the people he loves. (You can, in fact, attack them, but the option to Not attack them is very present and will progress the fight/story as well.) I would explain more but I don't want to explain any more than necessary. I don't want to explain EVERYTHING and spoil the whole game for people >w<
'How Can You Help Me, Stardust?' is less focused on Siffrin, and more focused on Loop, the 'friendly' guide that appeared to help Siffrin end the loops, and be someone to talk to about the loops in general. It's an optional secret boss fight that you can do, but it reveals a lot of things! Loop is Siffrin- well, an alternate version of Siffrin, that didn't have a guide and struggled heavily before giving up after defeating the King for the first time after THOUSANDS of loops and looping back. Loop wished for a way out of the loops, they wished for an end, they wished for someone to help them.
This wish allowed Loop to escape from their loops, only to be changed to the way they look now, and placed in another Siffrin's loops to help that Siffrin out. When Siffrin (the one the player plays as) finally escapes/breaks the loops, Loop gets angry/jealous and initiates a fight. As the fight continues (and you repeatedly 'defeat' Loop, just for them to loop back) you get dialogue and a fighting portrait change of Loop explaining their feelings and breaking down, in a sense.
'How Can You Help Me, Stardust?' perfectly remixes 'How Can I Help You, Stardust?' in a way that encapsulates the sort of despair that Loop must have felt during their loops, and the anger of watching Siffrin break/escape his loops, something they weren't able to do.
Video Game Track Bracket Semifinals
I WON'T LET YOU GO HOME from In Stars and Time
youtube
vs.
How Can You Help Me, Stardust? from In Stars and Time
youtube
Propaganda under the cut. If you want your propaganda reblogged and added to future polls, please tag it as propaganda or otherwise indicate this!
Note: The propaganda may contain spoilers for In Stars and Time.
I WON'T LET YOU GO HOME:
siffrin.
1. It ties in recurring melodies from all throughout the soundtrack 2. It perfectly sets the mood for the scene and feels climactic 3. I cannot explain how much this song emotionally impacts you if you've played the game 4. It's just such a good song 5. Siffrin
only song in the soundtrack with an all caps title. the intended emotion is gained from sobbing shouting that fucker out
has motifs from all over the game including the title theme AND game over theme
a little harder to convey the emotion without the context of the game but it still does good
How Can You Help Me, Stardust?:
It's the battle theme during a Secret Ending fight, and an interesting genre-swap/remix of How Can I Help You, Stardust? Your character (Siffrin) fights his ally and guide through the time loops he's been stuck in. Its so intense and fast paced compared to the tone for the rest of the game's ending and really emphasizes the absolute stress and despair that being in a timeloop will cause.
youtube
#back at it again making (practically) essays about my hyperfixations /positive /silly#CACKLING over that kazoo cover of hcyhms. that's ABSOLUTELY hilarious :D#voting for hcyhms because the notes said that it was behind#anyway *posts this and immediately disappears for the next few hours*#rebloop <3#polls#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#poll propaganda#<technically?
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im drooling for some haoyu 9948v ANGST
maybe haoyu getting bored of reader and decides to just. (kill) get rid of them. he's like 'ok whatever not my problem' then sometime after it just SNAP! clicks.
he killed you and now hes not gonna find anyone like you again
˖⁺. ﹙ bloodthirsty phantom x gn reader. ﹚ .𖹭 ݁
. . . dull eyes !! 🍒 : phantom ˖ yandere ˖ vngeful spirit character﹙ verse 9948v hàoyǔ. ﹚
you always knew that someone like him would eventually be your demise. what happens when a being such as him gets bored of you ? | cw: reader death
It had all been nice at first. Well, that’s how you remembered it.
The inafmous phantom of your world, hauntingly beautiful, yet dangerous, murderous. With all the intent to snap anyone’s neck that came in his way. Bathe in their blood.
You remember the first time his eyes landed upon you, the obssessive gazes and the suddeness of when he stole you away. Kept you in his abode for none to see or visit. His beautiful prize. Your soul most addictive to him.
He huffed you like you were a drug to get high on after every murdering spree.
It got to your head that he never once hurt you. No, he protected, kept you safe and sound. Sure, he was and is manipulative but. . . You could manage, you had him, right?
Why should you miss your old family and friends— You are his, and he is yours. He wouldn’t get bored of you.
Alas. As malicious and godlike as he is. His animalistic hunger convinced him otherwise. You weren’t much more than a toy. You weren’t his cerise, nor were you that interesting to begin with.
A past-time soul to take away the boredom.
And when you suddenly no longer took that boredom away — that’s when you noticed the signs, his nonchalance around you. The sudden threats to snap you in half, the agitation he suddenly displayed to you like it. The same he shows to everyone.
What was it you had done wrong? You never really figured it out. An impossible task to do so nontheless.
It was incomprehensible for your mortal brain to understand his.
You lay in bed now, sleeping soundly. Yet to know the fate coming for you.
Oh how the angels weep for it, whichever poor guardian that wards you, begs for you to awake. It is not possible to hear. Not with the barriers of the realms.
And your intuition has been shattered long ago.
The door creaks open. Heavy footsteps moving towards the side of the bed, alongside the strong smell of iron that reeks off of your beloved.
Blood covered fingers trail down your spine, while a freezing pair of lips press against the lobe of your ear. Breath sighed onto your warm skin.
“How unfortunate you cause me such boredom.” He whispers. Might as well take you out in your sleep. The screams may have been delightful. But why not let you dream instead. They say the dead can still hear a bit before their soul has gone away.
Doubtless he will have any use of that either way as well. Perhaps he should simply suffocate it when it floats aimlessly above you. Awaiting reaping.
No reaper comes into this household.
“Hàoyu.” You groggily call, as you rouse from your sleep. Eyes groggy and full of heavy sleep still.
Poor you, barely able to process the teeth that rip out your throat and the long talons that rip through your skin and bones like they are nothing.
What quick and painful death, the blood spraying everywhere. You don’t get to see it, as he so violently tears you apart. Like a feral animal. Laughing as though it is some funny joke to him.
And when it is all over, and he is holding your corpse in his arms. He strokes a thumb across your face and tuts. “Its nothing personal, hm?” A little chuckle rumbles through his chest as he drags you out to the yard, where the rest of his past loves lay beneath the earth.
Yet. As day by day pass by. And he returns from the long sprees with his cultists. He settles down in the lounge of his manor, and awaits your presence each and every time.
A strange feel arises in his chest. Is it sorrow?
No, surely not. . . He was bored, why would he suddenly begin missing? What had been that different about you in contrast to all of his other lovers?
And as a month, perhaps two? What does perception of time matter to him - passes by, it dawns upon him. He was missing you. He was grieving the loss of you of which he bore on his hands. The murder of you.
Waiting, you had been waiting for him to come join you that night. After all of the ruthless threats, ignoring and snapping he had been taking out on you.
Was it boredom? Or had it been the part of him that just thirsted for blood instead?
He no longer knew.
One thing was for sure, you weren’t coming back. Your soul left without a trace after your death. The violent and malicious magic that tore through you suffocated it completely. There is no afterlife for you. There is no you anymore—
And he can try as much as he wants to, to find you again. In every cultist, person he may randomly stumble into. Someone with your eyes, your smile, your laugh, your kindness. But he can’t. Because it isn’t you.
He wants you.
#﹙ cupcake rush. ﹚: haoyu 9948v 𖹭 ݁#monster boyfriend#teratophillia#terato#monster fucker#phantom x reader#yandere x reader#monster x reader#oc x reader#monster oc#x reader#reader insert#original character x reader#haoyu 9948v#asterism
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The Class Dynamics between James Potter and Severus Snape: A Critical Analysis:
This is a dedication to all those who say that class has nothing to do with the bullying that James exerted on Severus, to those who claim that James couldn't be classist because "he never proactively despised anyone for being poor" or because "he was friends with Remus," to those who say "Snape also attacked him" or suggest it was a "rivalry" and that they were on equal footing, or simply to those who say they are "fictional characters" and that fiction has nothing to do with reality, blah blah blah. This is something I have written with bibliographical references because, once in a while, I can stop being a simp goof and show off my university degree in political science. And yes, I am going to be an authentic pedant because I can, and because many people seem to live in a candy-coated world regarding these issues, and it wouldn't hurt them to get a bit educated. That said, here goes my essay:
When analysing the interactions between James Potter and Severus Snape in the "Harry Potter" universe, it is common to find vehement defences of James, arguing that his bullying was not class-motivated. However, it is crucial to untangle how class dynamics operate structurally and how this influences interpersonal relationships. James Potter, as a member of a wealthy, pure-blood family, represents the dominant class, while Severus Snape, coming from a poor, working-class background, embodies the subordinate classes. In the magical world, pure-blood lineage is associated with inherited privileges similar to aristocracy in the real world, where blood purity is a marker of status and power. Authors like Anderson and Löwe (2006) have explored how heritage and lineage have been determining factors in the distribution of power and privileges throughout history, both in fictional and real contexts. This socioeconomic background plays a crucial role in the power dynamics between characters like James and Severus, highlighting how class structures affect their interactions and perpetuate inequality.
Social class, according to Marxist analysis, is a structural category that determines individuals' positions within society based on their access to the means of production. In "Harry Potter", pure-blood status equates to magical aristocracy, while Muggle-borns, Half-Bloods with muggle parent and those from humble origins, like Snape, represent the working or marginalised classes. James Potter, on the other hand, embodies the privileges of the elite, not only through his wealth but also through his lineage, which grants him a status that influences his interactions with others.
The bullying James exerts over Severus cannot be disconnected from its socioeconomic context. Although James may not have explicitly expressed disdain towards Severus for being poor, the way he exploits his superior position to humiliate and subdue Severus reflects power dynamics based on class. Pierre Bourdieu describes how power structures are reproduced through symbolic violence, where the dominant classes impose their cultural and social legitimacy over the subordinate ones, perpetuating inequality. In the context of 'Harry Potter', this symbolic violence is reflected in how the magical aristocracy imposes its values and norms on those of humble origin. The public humiliations James inflicts on Severus are not just acts of bullying but also manifestations of a structural power that favours the privileged like James. Besides Bourdieu, other theorists such as Michel Foucault could provide complementary perspectives on how power is exercised and perpetuated in institutions, in this case, Hogwarts as a microcosm of magical society.
In James and Severus's case, this symbolic violence manifests in the public humiliations James inflicts on Severus, using his status to ensure there are no significant repercussions. James's position as a popular and privileged student grants him social immunity that Severus, due to his humble origin, cannot counter. This demonstrates how class structures influence the dynamics of school bullying, where resources and social capital determine which behaviours are acceptable and which are not.
The "Harry Potter" fandom often minimises James's actions, portraying him as a mere prankster without malice, while pathologising Severus's response, attributing it to resentment and bitterness. This narrative reinforces the whitewashing of the actions of the rich and popular to the detriment of the poor and marginalised. Theodor W. Adorno and Max Horkheimer, in their "Dialectic of Enlightenment", explain how the culture industry and hegemonic discourses contribute to naturalising domination relationships, presenting them as inevitable or even fair. Their analysis reveals that modern media perpetuates class dynamics by presenting power structures as natural and immutable. This can be observed in how the dominant narrative in the 'Harry Potter' franchise tends to glorify high-class characters like James while marginalising figures like Severus, whose resistance to the system is viewed with suspicion or disapproval. Contemporary studies, such as Mark Fisher's "Capitalist Realism" (2009), also highlight how media reinforces the current economic and social status quo, making it difficult to imagine alternatives to the existing system.
By justifying James's bullying as mere youthful pranks, the fandom perpetuates a narrative that excuses the abuse of power and classism, ignoring the impact these actions have on individuals like Severus, who are already in a structurally disadvantaged position. This reinforces social hierarchies and strips victims of their agency and dignity.
Severus's portrayal as a bullying victim is intrinsically linked to his social class. His marginalisation is not just a product of his actions or personal choices but a consequence of social structures that privilege figures like James Potter. Antonio Gramsci's theories on cultural hegemony are useful here to understand how the dominant class's ideas are imposed as normative, silencing the oppressed voices and legitimising the violence they suffer. In the 'Harry Potter' narrative, this hegemony manifests through the glorification of the values and behaviours of pure-blood characters like James, while the perspectives of the marginalised, like Severus, are dismissed or vilified. For example, the Marauders, led by James and Sirius, both rich pure-bloods, are portrayed as mischievous heroes despite their aggressive behaviour towards Snape, who is depicted much more negatively even when acting in self-defence. This reflects how cultural hegemony shapes public perception, perpetuating a value system that favours the privileged and marginalises the oppressed. Authors like Stuart Hall have explored how media and popular culture reinforce these hegemonic structures, underscoring the need for critical analysis to dismantle these dominant narratives.
Severus, in this sense, represents those who are constantly repressed by power structures and whose narrative is distorted to fit a worldview that favours the privileged. His resistance and eventual adoption of extreme ideologies can be understood as a response to this marginalisation, a desperate attempt to reclaim agency systematically denied to him.
To fully understand the relationship between James Potter and Severus Snape, it is essential to acknowledge the influence of class structures on their interactions. The narrative that minimises James's bullying and blames Severus perpetuates a simplistic and biased view that ignores the complexities of social inequality and power. By applying a critical analysis based on Marxist theories, we can unravel how classism permeates these relationships. Studies on young adult literature, such as those by Maria Nikolajeva, and the analysis of victimisation frameworks in popular culture by Henry Jenkins provide a theoretical framework that reinforces the need to re-examine fandom's conceptions to avoid perpetuating these structural injustices. These investigations highlight how narratives of power and oppression are often shaped by dominant interests and how this affects the public's perception of marginalised characters like Severus.
#severus snape#pro severus snape#severus snape defense#severus snape fandom#pro snape#james potter#harry potter#sirius black#harry potter meta#severus snape meta#severus snape analysis#james potter analysis#james potter meta#james potter critic#classism#marxism#literature analysis#marauders fandom#marauders stans#james potter stans#the marauders#the marauders fandom#marauders era#professor snape#snapedom
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Hey, Charlie, I need some advice. I recently went to visit a friend who lives in Slateport, and I found out she was gifted an Alolan Vulpix. I'm no pokemon expert, but I tried to ask if she thinks Slateport is a good place for the little guy, and she just brushed me off.
I'm worried I might just be too pushy, but I've visited some family in Alola, and anytime I saw an Alolan Vulpix there, their trainers had them in colder environments. My friend's Vulpix didn't seem very comfortable there, either - but, like I said, I'm no expert. Do you have any advice I can give to my friend? Or am I just pushing something that doesn't matter?
no, that's not an appropriate environment for an alolan vulpix. it's far too warm in slateport for the vast majority of the year. i imagine your friend's vulpix is probably having a tough time. i'm sorry that you're in a tough situation with this- it's hard to tell a friend that they're hurting their pokemon.
there are a couple of things you can do here. you can keep working towards convincing your friend that her vulpix isn't feeling well out in slateport. i find that the most effective way to do this is to keep the focus on behaviors that indicate that the vulpix is too hot. excessive panting, steam rising from its body, and frequent scattering of ice shards from its tail are all signs that her vulpix is trying to cool down but can't keep up against the temperature. you can talk to her too about ice-type susceptibility to heat exhaustion/heat stroke as well as defrost syndrome, a condition in which ice types become so fatigued from heat exposure that they temporarily lose the ability to produce ice at all. the more you can do to gently show her that her vulpix needs help, the better a chance that she'll listen.
ideally, this vulpix would be rehomed to a colder environment so that it could enjoy time outside and get to experience snow and ice. your friend can try to provide it a proper cold room and use things like nevermeltice to help it stay cool, but that's a very expensive and time-consuming project. if she gets to the point where she's considering rehoming, support her and let her know it's not a bad thing to do if it's for the pokemon's sake. i don't think you should call the rangers on her for a welfare assessment quite yet, but remember that they're a good resource in handling situations like this and can help you work with her on making the best choice for the vulpix.
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Honestly, I have other thoughts on a few of your reads here on Agatha’s reasoning for wanting to make Wanda believe she is evil. At first I thought I disagreed but I don’t think I do, I think I more want to open the door (pun not initially intended - and then very intended) to other aspects of this pain.
I have a different perspective and honestly when I rewatched Wandavision after watching AAA I really felt seen.
I will never be a parent, it’s something I’ve wanted my whole life but in recent years my partner and I have come to accept that we don’t think we would be able to be the parents what we would want to be and that a child deserves due to our combination of disabilities.
This hurts like hell. I was somewhat numb to it for a year or two but then last year we learned that a friend who we used to be very close to and who had been told she might never have children, was pregnant. This destroyed me in a way I hadn’t expected it to and it continues to destroy me in a lot of ways. One of the things I hate most is an unbelievable jealousy.
I am not a jealous person- yes I’ve had moments but generally I am happy for people. The jealousy I have every time I see this friend’s family and other friends share photos of them spending time with the baby my thoughts are unreasonable.
Through this, watching another person you know (or relate to in Agatha’s case) live the life you wanted, you craved, and have it come to them so easily when you have suffered so much pain to not even have the outcome you needed, I felt a huge connection to Agatha.
I have not lost a child, no, but I have lost the possibility of being a parent and although it isn’t the same pain it is incredibly intense and hard to live with.
Agatha needs Wanda to be the bad guy, needs her to suffer because Wanda got the things she wanted, and if there was such a thing as deserving a happy ending then Agatha doesn’t see why her and Wanda deserved different things. They both had traumatic childhoods, they both turned to darkness to cope -Wanda to Hydra, Agatha to killing witches and dark magic - but Wanda, in a way, was rewarded for that. Wanda got adopted by the avengers, she got a new home, a purpose, a chance to be loved.
Agatha got her chance to be loved for the first time by Death. How cruel and ironic and filled with metaphor about unloved children is that? And even then, in a life of around 360 years, Agatha maybe got 50 years of happiness before it all fell apart.
Wanda experienced loss, but she was supported and comforted and then on top of that she got her children, her ‘spontaneous creation of life’ - just like she had with Rio, except Wanda’s boys got to live.
Agatha hates Wanda in a few ways, feels so much warmth towards her in others, but I think a lot of the hate, the anger is a case of ‘why do you get to be happy?’
On bad days, days when I’m really heavily reminded of my own life situation, without going into too many details I can say that I have wanted to say this to so many people. I think it’s a valid response when you have had disabilities, illnesses and conditions, mental health and your own sexuality hold you back so often.
When you look at the happy family your friend has and it makes you feel sick because you feel so many emotions, and in ways you never thought you were even capable of.
WANDAVISION DEEP DIVE part 3
(Wandavision entries: part [1][2][3])
(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])
We left Agatha killing her coven in a flashback (but sparing their children). Back to present Agatha, and what is she doing? Pretending to talk to her rabbit. Look, she might be a dedicated con artist, but she can only come up with very cheesy characters, what can you do?
Is she meeting the real you, Agatha, are you sure?
oh she's so intrigued
She's about to be very very cruel, and there's a lot to unpack here. To her torture is a mean to an end, but there's also rage, jealousy, bitterness, so much bitterness there. She hates witches, and she hates Wanda. She also can't help sympathizing with Wanda, the parallels between the two of them are obvious. There are always so many contradicting emotions in Agatha.
Like, the way she's been teaching her about magic. She's taunting her, she's showing off. But once upon a time she was a clueless young witch denied knowledge from her elders. And now that Wanda is in that position, she could teach her. She almost wants to. She is curious, she loves learning, finding out how things work, and in other, better universes she is a teacher.
*angrily shakes a bird at Wanda*
LOOK WHO'S TALKING, OH MY GOD. But honestly though, that's why she can't help sympathizing. They are the same.
And she is a biiiiiit in lust too tbh. Not her fault she has a high libido. Agatha is having a DAY.
A good rule of thumb is, the more Agatha jokes, the more she's uncomfortable with a situation, the fact that she's making fun of a little boy tells you right away that she doesn't mean it. Sarcasm is her defense skill. She was barely able to contain her rage a moment ago, she is not as calm as she appears. And she doesn't like having to sit through Wanda's trauma one bit, both because she's sorry for Wanda and because she doesn't want to witness that pain herself. She had hoped to crack Wanda without having to do this, but she won't step down now, she won't relent.
that's a whole lesbian, dear god. thank you costume and hair departments and thank you kathryn hahn.
my theory is that detective Agnes of Westview was clearly created by Agatha herself rather than Wanda and speaks about her grim personality and eagerness to solve mysteries, but we'll get to that later
that's interesting, she smiles at Wanda, looks worried at the door for a second, then smiles at Wanda again. play acting or real concern? Wanda wasn't looking at her face in that moment.
her body language is something between intrigued and defensive
NOT THIS BITCH DRYING HER EYES AGAIN AT THE "WHAT IS GRIEF BUT LOVE PERSEVERING" SPEECH.
You know what though, for Agatha to know exactly what buttons to push to break Wanda, she'd need to have a deep understanding of how trauma and grief work. Which means she knows the way she blames Rio and hangs up on Nicky's memory is not healthy, but she is unwilling or unable to make an effort towards healing. Not that you can ever completely heal from something like that tbh, but she knows the way she's acting is making things worse.
The slow clap, she's such a cheesy villain. That (gay) way she sits though, she wants both to project strength and to shield her body, she is nervous. She's now 100% sure that Wanda is the Scarlet Witch. Time for her last gamble.
Knowing Agatha as we know her now, it's easy to see she's wearing her best witchy costume to put on the ultimate show. She made Wanda cry to get at her secrets, now it's time to make her angry. She could just have provoked her in the first place, but like I said she's at her core a coward detective and scholar and yearns to learn stuff. I really do believe that Billy and Tommy weren't in any actual danger here and it looks worse than it is. On the other hand, she is absolutely scaring them shitless, but like with Sparky she chooses to ignore their mental well-being if it gets her what she wants. She's not physically hurting them so that's fine, right? And, well, she did the same with Nicky. She loved him so desperately and also selfishly kept him isolated and kept killing in his name. There's a reason why she feels so guilty and can't face him now.
The parallels, tho. The episode starting with Evanora calling her a monster, and ending with her calling Wanda a monster.
Last episode!!!!
telling the kids to take cover as soon as she can get away with it. Wanted to hurt them my ass.
Pathetic! Are you even a real witch? Yep, her usual bit. And especially harsh too. Agatha is gambling a LOT here.
"The Scarlet Witch is not born, she is forged. She has no power, no need for incantation." Agatha was forged the same way, with pain and hellfire, does that give her a claim to Wanda's magic? (Also, power of mother earth on the poster behind? How very green witch!)
How hard and deliberately Agatha is working to traumatize Wanda even further, to make her believe she's a monster. And Agatha is in such an unique position to understand what Wanda is going through, what it means to be called evil for something you are and not for something you do. She knows what it means not being able to control your powers, Wanda never meant to hurt any of these people! She could teach her, offer her community and support. But what does Agatha do instead? Exactly what her mother did to her.
She wants to kill her to take her powers, and she wants to kill her because she's afraid of her. And yet she's also looking in a mirror. Doesn't her neck thingy look like a clergy collar too? She's on the other side of inquisition now.
have you ever read Passing by Nella Larsen? it made me think a lot about how marginalized communities isolate their most vulnerable members and recreate the dynamics of the oppressor, as a way to keep some form of control and also to express their trauma and anger. Wanda didn't do anything to Agatha, but she's the perfect target for Agatha to vent all her pain and anger and frustration.
Wanda tries to copy Agatha and make her relive her traumas, not a good idea trying to manipulate the master manipulator. Agatha has studied and observed and knows a lot about Wanda and that is why her manipulation is so effective, Wanda doesn't know Agatha at all, she's only heard lies so far. Here for example she assumes that Agatha killed the Salemites on purpose, she has no clue that their situations are so similar.
I told you that witches wouldn't accept you, that they would call you a monster and come after you. So much bitterness. That's Agatha's tragedy, and that is what's behind all her selfishness, killing witches, keeping Nicky isolated, torturing Wanda. Passing her trauma along. As much as she chose to be what she currently is... choosing the opposite would have been much easier if she had a community cherishing and teaching her. Just look at how much having an actual loving coven, even for a short time, will make a difference in the future.
and then Wanda wins not because she's more powerful but because Agatha couldn't stop herself from blabbing and showing off and teaching about runes. oh, the irony
what WANDA'S done???? Agatha, you've been poking a nexus being with a stick for days, you useless fuckup (affectionate)
lmaooo she fell ass up
LOOK WHO'S TALKING
Agatha under the spell immediately flirting with Wanda is maybe top five most hilarious things she's ever done
and that's a wrap! Ballad of the witches road here I come!
go to AAA part 1
#wandavision#agatha all along#agatha harkness#character study#my thoughts#Agatha is a victim#cnbc#childless not by choice
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Ryan Adamczeski at The Advocate:
It’s not lost on transgender youth that they “shouldn't have to feel like this” after an election.
President-elect Donald Trump will soon begin his second term, which already poses greater threats to the LGBTQ+ community than his first – particularly to the trans community, which has seen skyrocketing attacks on their bathroom use, sports participation, health care, and beyond in just the past few years, most of which has targeted youth. As restrictive state laws stand on the brink of becoming national, lawmakers and many in the mainstream media refuse to consider the voices of actual trans people. To bridge this gap, The Advocate asked young trans people about the biggest challenges facing them – and what the rest of us can do to help. The respondents are remaining anonymous out of an abundance of caution for their personal safety. Trans youth shared a widespread sense of exhaustion and disillusionment when Trump’s victory was announced. C, an 18-year-old trans woman, said that she “was able to vote for the first time, and I was really excited because it was my first time.” For those her age, today’s era of polarization and opportunism has been their introduction to politics.
[...]
These youth are acutely aware of how they had to come of age in an era hostile to their existence, in which the elected officials tasked with protecting them have instead used their power to hurt them. To S, a 20-year-old trans man, “it's exhausting to feel like our existence is constantly up for debate,” and it’s “really disheartening to see political leaders targeting people like me.” Still, he says he won’t let it stop him from doing the work that needs to be done. “As much as sometimes I just want to wallow in those feelings, I also feel really determined and almost inspired. I'm inspired by the resilience of the trans community and our allies,” S says. “Every day I'm seeing people stand up to push against the misunderstanding and hate towards our community, whether it's through advocacy and education, work, or simply living authentically.” The biggest concerns trans youth have now are access to gender-affirming care, and safety. As someone who “passes,” D says that he’s not as worried about a random assault as much as he is about having to hide who he is just to participate in his community.
[...]
S also voiced extreme concern over a potential national gender-affirming care ban, as he says “legislation that targets healthcare access, such as gender firming care bans, is life-threatening for transgender individuals.” This is true – The American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, the World Medical Association, and the World Health Organization all agree that gender-affirming care is evidence-based and medically necessary for both adults and youth. Beyond the effect a ban would have on mental health, S worries “about the mental health toll of living under constant attack, especially for transgender and nonbinary youth who might not have the love and support that they deserve from their communities.” Now is the time that he believes “more than ever, trans and nonbinary youth need unwavering support and affirmation from their family, friends, and community.” “What people can do is just support our trans and nonbinary peers and friends, let them know that we're in this battle together, because constant support is needed,” C adds. “Ensure that we still feel like we belong and that we are loved, even during these really difficult times that we're going to experience.” “It's really important that people see us as just human, because we have so many things that excite us. I don't want people to only see that there's only one thing to meet, because I'm so much more than that,” she continues. However, there is only so much that interpersonal support can do in the face of legislative attacks. S says that “from elected officials, trans youth need policies that prioritize their safety and well-being, such as policy supporting access to proper health care and protection in schools and even beyond.” He believes officials also need to play a bigger role in the ongoing culture war by “amplifying positive narratives about trans people and actively working to combat the misinformation that fuels the discrimination and hate towards individuals like me.”
The Advocate has a must-read story on the terrifying impact of anti-trans policies the GOP trifecta under Trump will harmfully impact trans youths.
#Transgender Youth#Transgender#Donald Trump#Trump Administration II#LGBTQ+#Anti Trans Extremism#Gender Affirming Healthcare#Transgender Erasure#Criminalization of Trans Health
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what are your yu headcanons? i’m curious — i love hearing ppl’s interpretations of the persona mcs!!
Sure! I think about him too much, anyway.
Loves his family more than anything. His friends are his family, too.
Autism man 1000 years strong
Oral fixation. It was almost eliminated but it came back full force due to the stress of the investigation. RIP his pencils. Chews his (disposable) chopsticks to splinters.
Didn't know any origami until moving to Inaba. Makes cranes when anxious or bored. Learns more types over time. It's become a telltale sign that Yu's been in the area when you see origami stars or cranes littering the area.
Gay. i know canonically he's not/is at least bisexual but idk- Atlus has a good track record of of their "MC can't be too interested in a single girl lest we invalidate a player's chosen girl" that just comes off as them being not interested at all.
Is actually pretty genuine about liking things like fishing and cooking (sometimes i've seen people interpreting these hobbies like they're a means to an end). He knows many recipes by heart.
He knows the recipe for LeBlanc's curry. He thinks he dreamt it up because he remembers Ren telling him about it during PQ2.
He thinks the Yasogami uniforms are really cool and likes how they feel, too.
Is really good with kids. He has has two social links with kids and one with a mom and her kid. That, plus he's pretty welcome doing a daycare gig as a boy- which is typically a pretty unwelcoming field for guys.
Tries his best to see the best in people. Adachi fucked that up a bit for him tho.
His arena title actually hurt his feelings a lot more than he lets on.
Incredible patience developed from years of neglect as a kid. This is not always a good thing. Sometimes (outside of extreme circumstances) he needs to be reminded that he's allowed to be mad or frustrated.
Stone faced and calm for similar reasons. Was scolded pretty harshly a few times for emotional outbusts as a child- emoting too much stresses him out since there's the fear of being admonished (even though he's too old to be scolded.)
He's a chronic people pleaser and it's caused him trouble more than once.
That being said, he doesn't shy away from being blunt.
Struggles to ask for his own needs to be met.
He cannot sleep until after midnight on rainy days. Even when away from Inaba. He's tried, even with medication.
He may have the braincells of the group, but one of those braincells is Yosuke. Yosuke is also 40% of his emotional control.
All of his friends are special to him, but when it comes to anything: he reaches to Yosuke first. He trusts him enough to follow him to hell. Psychic partner connection.
Teddie is his unproblematic fave. He is President of the Teddie fanclub. Blorbo.
Has wondered if Izanagi is his "true" persona, or if it was forced onto him by Izanami. He is also a little self-conscious about never having a shadow.
there's something gender about him.
Hates being alone, living alone even moreso.
Not particularly fond of lying. Not that he'll blurt truths or anything comical like that, but deceptive behavior is the quickest way to push his buttons.
Cats cats cats. If Neko Atsume was a personality trait.
Not picky about food. Will even eat stuff that shouldn't be food. Neglect side effect. He never grows out of it. Would absolutely drink the water in tartarus.
Nervous about a post-fog TV world, but warms up to it after Teddie ushers the team to visit. After confronting Adachi, he never visits alone again: but it's a pretty great spot to escape to. Good picnic spot (not that Inaba is lacking in them)
(future Headcanons)
He uses his TV world glasses as an emotional comfort item, even though he doesn't need them.
He learns that he's not super fond of the city, and once he gets his driver's license after college: he never spends more than a day or weekend trip in big cities.
I imagine him as a college dropout. Instead, he opts to get various licenses. This disappoints his parents and they have a fallout about it.
Grey rocked his parents.
Works on call for the shadow operatives. He also watches over the TV world with the rest of the IT and offers regular reports to them. The benefits are generous, too.
His Wildcard ability eventually erodes over time as he doesn't really gain access to the Velvet Room's functions again. Most of the alternate personas he has sort of... fuse back down into Izanagi (which is why, in the sequels, he doesn't really utilize multiple personas)
As said before, he thinks the Yaso uniforms are cool as hell and is almost crushed when he can't fit in his old one. Kanji makes him a sort of lookalike/inspired jacket as a gift and it's his favorite jacket of all time.
Reaches out to Namatame, and actually keeps him pretty informed on TV world stuff. I like to think they have coffee sometimes.
(Izanagi)
makes deep grumbly noises with sharp metalic sounds. Think like.. pokemon's Bastiodon or Aegislash.
Looks and acts stoic, but as he's technically Yu's shadow, he's a little weepy & cries easily.
Gets lonely easily.
this is a really silly one, but: You can give Izanagi a little treat by feeding him batteries.
thats all I can think of for now.
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