#The romanticism of saying if we cannot be together in heaven we will be together in hell

[razzle-n-dazzle]

I just read some of your works and god do you write good better than the actual show I would even say.

I really want to request a Yandere headcannon for mainly Ozzie and Fizzarolli they don’t get enough love as they do, but with a little twist

Whichever you choose I would love either one you pick cause im indecisive.

1: a powerful reader maybe even more stronger than Ozzie being lovers with the two

Or 2: a chubby but physically strong reader that could lift Ozzie with ease as example

If you do see this I hope you consider writing this, you have such a lovely writing style and I would love to see what you cook up

Also call me 🥟-anon if you will cause I hope to request and talk more

ᯓ★ Murder is Okay, Shutting Us Out Isn't. Yandere! Asmodeus & Fizzarolli / Overlord! Reader | Oneshot TW! - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK: romanticizing yandere(s), obsessive behavior, def not proof read (because we die like Adam in this household /j), Vox (/j), boner mention (no sexual content), self harm, yelling, possessive

ᯓ I actually loved both ideas you gave me, so I'm going to mash then both together into one! For that, I'm going to give you all a little crash course into the background for the Reader (you) in this story so things make a little more sense: The reader, though an Overlord, is both physically and magically stronger than Ozzie, though doesn't show it off often. Also, this happened due to their mix of blood; The reader is the child of an an old overlord and a Sin (I'm going for Wrath in this story) and had gained the physical strength from their overlord mother and the magical strength from their Sin father. With this they're able to be known as the Wrathful Overlord, or 'The child and will of Wrath', though Satan doesn't claim them to be his own and has no interest to. Also, no the Reader isn't stronger than other Sins, just Ozzie for this case. Since Ozzie is claimed to be the weakest (or one of the Weaker) Sin that we currently know of, the Reader is matched right around his level. Yet they, much like Alastor, cannot beat other Sins or even Adam, as even with their strengths, are set back by the rather large power difference. So with that out of the way, please enjoy!:

ᯓ You had been living with Ozzie and Fizz for a few months, silently having moved away from your district on the Eastern side of the Pride Ring after their proposal. While it was not uncommon for love to bloom in hell, even with the eternal suffering or the large amount of (usually) taboo topics being put on display down here, you were still not big on having your private life being posted for all of hell to see. Especially those in the Pride Ring, where you were sure Vox would take any chance to slander and drag your name in the mud for having a 'blasphemous' relationship. And really, you didn't feel like cleaning up the blood of another Sinner. Oh no, not because you killed them. Dear, Lucifer god no! Why do that when you had two perfect body guards at your beckon and call?

ᯓ "Honestly, I don't even understand how there can be blasphemy down here. It's hell, God is not watching what we do and I pity him if he did." You would mutter, leaning against the kitchen counter, watching News 666 on your cellphone silently with Fizz; Who had became curious open hearing the news topic and bounded over, wrapping his snake-like arms around your waist twice. He squeezed you a little tight, yet you didn't mind, especially when his head was rested upon your shoulder. You could practically see the growing smirk on his lips before he even spoke, "You know everything we do down here is blasphemes right? That's why we're in Hell, not Heaven. I mean the murder, the sex, the gr-" Though Fizz's little list was caught off short as you hushed him, pressing a quick finger up against his lips.

ᯓ Ozzie was cooking in the background, occasionally taking peaks behind him to make sure you nor Fizz were doing anything stupid; Like trying to cook despite knowing neither of you could do so. It was always a nice gesture until Ozzie has to get the kitchen repaired... again. "And this in, News 666 and it's broadcasting will be disturbed quickly for a message from The fucking V's themselves." Katie Killjoy would crack her neck to the side, seeming oh so annoyed at the interruption. You were too, and Fizz didn't miss the way your face scrunched. "You know Tom, their news isn't even repu-" Katie tried to shout before their segment was cut off, their news source becoming engulfed in The V's logo before the man of the hour, Vox himself, overtook the screen. Him and his snicker, you knew this couldn't be good.

ᯓ Vox never hit the air unless he knew something, unless he wanted something to happen, unless this was his calculated and curated response to something.

ᯓ And the last time that happened, Alastor wiped the floor with him.

ᯓ Fizz drew away from your shoulder a little, his eyes narrowing at your growing irritation before he glanced back towards Ozzie, who already had his arms crossed in confusion. Sure, they've heard about this Vox, mostly from you, but they never expected you to have this much of a detest about him. What happened between you and this TV-head that they didn't manage to dig up? And most importantly, recent or not, did he ever hurt you in anyway. . . or was he planning to?

ᯓ "This just in, news is starting to come up from higher-ups, and close friends, in Wrath Town that their leader, supposed their supposed Overlord, the Child of Wrath, themselves, have gone missing!" Vox stated, trying to carefully keep his voice leveled yet failing miserably; From the twitch in his eye and the wide, plastering grin across his flat face, you could just tell this was another Alastor situation. Yet an Alastor situation that was not pointed directly towards Alastor rather You; Which you had saw coming, maybe even expected it, but fucking Lucifer did you hope you could at least get a good year under your belt before Vox came in to spread 'miss information' all over the Pride Ring. All just to keep his viewers attention on him, just to keep his support. What a loser.

ᯓ You would scoff, trying not to laugh at his obsessive allegations, which were true you guessed, as Fizz and Ozzie silently listened from beside and behind you. While you didn't seem alarmed, or even frightened at the least (as they were sure you would be, seeing as this seemed common for Overlords to not get along) they sure were. Well, not alarmed per say, rather on guard; carefully lingering on the words that Vox was so carelessly spewing to all of those who watched his broadcast. And you noticed how Fizz drew back closer, leaning over your shoulder to glare at your phone, to glare at Vox like Vox might feel his stare, like he was daring Vox to say something else; All the while you couldn't help but laugh, chuckle, giggle, and kind of make fun of Vox as he continued on. His senseless chatter played in the background as you tried to wave off your fiancés' concerns, "Please, guys, don't get worked up over him, he's no threat; More like an annoying bug under everyone's shoe." "One who, from what we hear, likes to stick his non-existent nose in other people's business." Ozzie would comment from the stove, his glare still harsh on the screen even as he flipped over the bacon in the pan. His tone was leaking with annoyance, or maybe irritation and ire is are better words; Either way, you shrugged your shoulders as he continued, "Really, doesn't he have like any other news? that's all basically weightless if it's coming from other people's mouths!" "It's gossip, it keeps his viewer's attention and support up. That's the whole point," You would explain, slightly rolling your eyes at the crazed look Vox gave you. Granted, it was through the screen, but, "I would have thought he would know better than to talk about me, especially since I've shattered his screen more than once." Though Fizz was less amused, "You both give than man way too much credit-" Was the only part of his commentary he could get out, hands on the counter now, before a shout from Vox drew all of your attentions back in.

ᯓ "Oh, ho-ho!" And there was a cackle, one that caused your eyebrows to frown downwards and scrunch your face. One that rang out like an annoying fire alarm and drew a growl from Fizz's throat and a flicker of hellish flame from Ozzie's coat. It's like you all could smell that the shit that Vox was going to spew. "THIS JUST IN," And there was a slam of his hands on the table, "I JUST GOT WORD FROM A TRUSTED SOURCE THAT THE WRATHFUL OVERLORD IS NOT ONLY NOT IN THEIR PITIFUL, SHIT-HOLE OF A TOWN, YET THEY'RE NOT EVEN IN THE PRIDE RING!- Where the fuck are they, you might ask? Well, not fucking here and maybe that's for the better, this place was turning into a shit down with them around." His grin would tease you from behind the screen, and you grew slightly worried that he could see you. That, as his eyes widened and he drew closer to the screen, that he could see right through it. . .

ᯓ "You're in the fucking Lust ring, you absolute SLUT! What the fuck are you doing hanging around an, who's that? An Imp and- And is that Asmodeus himself in the background!" Clack! You would drop your phone like it had burnt you and stumbled backwards, not out of fear, you could never be fearful of someone like Vox, yet out of . . . what would be the word? Ire? Exasperation? Irritation? Preservation? Fizz was quick to lock his arms, just to keep you from stumbling back too far and hitting against the countertops near the stove, potentially burning yourself; As Ozzie stepped up, standing protectively between the phone and the two of you, the flickering of his growing detestation and bubbling anger slowly flickering around his coat, which threatened to burst flames. "This just in, your little Wrathful Overlord, has not only abandoned the Pride Ring yet is sleeping with the Sin of Lust and his weak-dick, limp ass Imp!" Vox's cackle echoed around the room, "That's so fucking sad!- Oh, looks like no one will ever have any sort of reason to be scared of you anymore," And his name spilled out from his lips with venom, poisoning the air with his slithering voice. That was, until his broadcast was cut off, cutting his maniacal laughter short, with a crackle then pop. It seemed like Ozzie had enough of listening to Vox, and seemingly had enough of your phone, as he had slammed his fists into the counter. Effectively ending the broadcast and your phone all in one go.

ᯓ And nothing but silence filled the room, just as you were sure nothing but silence (and soon an eruption of hatred and irreverence) filled the Pride Ring, and Wrath Town.

ᯓ "Fuck. ." Was the words that left with an airy breath.

ᯓ "THAT FUCKER IS SO DEAD!" Was Ozzie's first words; his hair combusting into flames, his irritation and outrage boiling over and finally having struck that match.

ᯓ Maybe it was slight shock overwhelming you, never having expected your engagement to be outrighted for everyone in the Pride Ring to hear, or maybe it was Fizz carelessly (accidentally) spinning you around, but you found yourself exasperation against the kitchen counter; Your eyes still locked on where your cellphone was now intended into the counter. "I've got the rope!" Fizz's voice barely registered in your ears, along with the sounds of his mechanical arms and legs moving to easily wrap himself around Ozzie. "Let's go kill that fucker!- or maybe tie him up and leave him exposed and naked on his own stupid broadcast. Like, really, who does he think he is trying to come for us like that?" Fizz's agreement with Ozzie's irrational solution caused a growl, a very lion-like one, to seep through Ozzie's gritting teeth, "A two timing nobody, that's who he is, and I won't stand for it! He comes for what's mine and I'm going to show him who the FUCK he's dealing with!"

ᯓ You know, maybe you've enabled their behavior a little too much; Sure, you loved the way they grew overprotected about you (and as you were sure they loved when you did the same) yet logically, you knew you had to stop them. When news gets out about Ozzie and Fizz going up to the Pride Ring and killing, or humiliating, an overlord not only will Vox's words be taken as facts, which can cause a whole other set of issues, yet Lucifer might also get involved. Of course, though, your knowledge about how Sins worked together and how they could interfere with each other's rings was limited. Yet, you can only guess a Sin killing an Overlord in another person's ring would just cause some sort of uproar.

ᯓ So when Ozzie, with Fizz coiled around his arm as to not get burnt, were about to leave the kitchen-living room, you had to act fast. Even while a little dazed, a little out of your own body, stilling trying to reel in the information of the situation that just happened, you dashed forward towards them. Or maybe your feet did so because they knew you had to catch them, and it sure felt that way rather than your own doing. It all felt like you were watching through a pair of another's person's eyes as you rushed over, your tail trashing out to stag the Ozzie's heel and trip him (you would have to apologize later). It bought you some time to slid in between him and floor, effectively catching him in your arms. "Yeah, as to hell we're going to go do anything boys! We're," You slammed the door closed, effectively walking away from it, "Staying here!" And that was your final verdict and that was what you were going to do as to make sure you can control this situation as much as possible. While frazzled and your finances' not thinking properly, giving into their own natural urges that some would call taboo (even for hell), this was no time to do that. Ergo, this was no time to be out murdering people!

ᯓ At that time you failed to notice the blush and wide eyes that had sprung to Ozzie's face when you dropped them both onto the couch, as well as the slight boner he had to hide by crossing his legs; Which Fizz defiantly noticed and teased him for with a snicker. Often times, not on purpose, did Fizz and Ozzie forget that out of all three of you, you were the strongest. Physically and magically, as you tended not to flash it off like some demons like to do, instead you flashed where you shined mentally. Though, damn, does it get Ozzie every time you swiftly come in and pick him up like he was weightless, with the same ease he picked up Fizz and you (even after you had told the first few times he didn't have to, later learning that you were conscience about your weight due to your chubbier figure). So it managed to calm Ozzie down, at least a little for the time being. Fizz would follow after, not really looking to murder people by himself - or at least not wanting to or not believing that he could.

ᯓ Calling your name from the couch, yet to no effect, the two would watch as you walked away from them to only circle right back round and leave again; pacing around the room with a constipated look on your face, leaving them confused, and slightly concerned, on the couch. Fizz slinked down to sit on Ozzie's lap, seeing as Ozzie had sat up to make sure you were alright while walking circles around them. Them both noticed quickly the way your tail trashed dangerously, the slight glare you gave to your phone anytime you passed through the kitchen, and the way your left hand clutched and curled in on itself. Fizz was sure your claws were digging into the skin of your palm, where marks from previous punctures of your claws laid fresh. "Hey," Ozzie started, calling out your nickname yet watching it effectively fall onto death ears. Even so, he continued, what's going on?" An invitation to talk to them, an invitation that received the acknowledgement of you hitting the tip of your tail against the floor to ceiling glass. Your own way of letting them know you heard him, yet needed a moment to gather your thoughts. To find something that can fix this situation without it blowing over and becoming bigger than you needed or wanted it to. To find a way to sweep and brush it under the rug. To just- make it like it never, ever fucking happened!

ᯓ Crack!

ᯓ You barely felt it, the smoke of Wrath infesting your very mind and blurring every other sense. Yet, Fizz and Ozzie caught it with ease. They heard the crack of your bone, the saw the way your nails not only had dug into your skin with the increase pressure yet suddenly broke through your palm and to the other side of your hand. Fizz covered his mouth, trying to hold in the gag that threatened to escape from the shock that filled him. Ozzie, wrapping an arm around Fizz to support him up to his chest to comfort him, would stand. . . and he didn't know how else to get your attention but exploding; Calling your name with a tone he rather not use with you. "WHAT?" Yet you would snap back, a green lining the inside of your eyes, right by your pupils. "WHAT CAN BE SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU CANNOT WAIT, OZZIE. I'M TRYING TO-" A tug at your wrist, Fizz, despite not being able to stand the sight if your claws puncturing through your hand, dragged you over to them. He rose your hand up to eye level once you were in front of the two, and he didn't want to make you watch the black blood that flowed down from it, that coated your claws thickly, he knew it was the only way to get you to pay attention. To realize that you hurt yourself in the panic of trying to fix a problem that could best be fixed together. To realize the scowl that was placed upon Ozzie's face at your actions, yet the underlining concern he had. To notice how Fizz was a bit sickened at the fact that you could so easily hurt yourself, and hurt that you wouldn't talk to them and effectively just shut them out again. Even though they have both told you countless times that you could talk them through your thoughts, that they can help you, that they want to help you! Even if you felt like you needed to handle everything that happened by yourself, even if you felt like the world was crushing in they were here! They were always here for you, and they were ready to help as long as you just talked to them.

ᯓ Fizz and Ozzie, out of everyone and anything, care about you (and granted each other) the most. And to see you physically hurt yourself over someone you told them not to worry about . . . well it stabbed them in the heart and made them ever so more concerned.

ᯓ "I just, I need time. I can figure this out if I'm given enough time." You would try to explain to Ozzie and Fizz as you sat on Ozzie's desk, where Fizz usually sat to replace any problem limbs. Fizz sat beside you, securely holding your right hand in his own and nuzzling up to you; His head resting against yours. Ozzie was in front of you, carefully trying to bring your claws out of the palm of your hand without hurting you, so he could then disinfect the wounds and wrap them up. He would have gotten a doctor, but felt a bit too fired up to let any medical professional touch you when you were so vulnerable. "Honey, get us, we know," Ozzie started, then let out a heavy sigh. "You say that every time something shitty happens in Pride. It's like- your go to thing!" Fizz added on, his tone a bit chirpier than Ozzie's; trying to lighten the mood, bring at least a small tug of a smile onto your face. Ozzie would soon apologize as you let out a hiss, feeling your claw carefully yet strikingly painfully being pulled out from your palm. You squeezed Fizz's hand, he nuzzled his head further against yours. And yet, you still spoke through gritted teeth and hissing, "I just! There never seems to be- FUCK, Ozzie that shit hurts!" "Love, I'm sorry, but I'm trying my best to make it as painless as possible. Yet, it's kind of hard when you managed to stab yourself right between your own bones." Ozzie mumbled, quickly working on the exposed wound, trying to wrap it with a towel just for the time being so he could work on the other three fingers (your thumb didn't puncture through skin, but did leave a good wound on your middle finger). Fizz would let out a nervous bit of laughter, trying to turn the situation away from your pain, just so you wouldn't have to think about it. "Hey, why don't you tell us why. . . you were so against us going to go kill the guy! I mean, I'm sure it would be easier than thinking of a whole counter plan and stabbing yourself through the hand, wounding yourself for someone you-" "Froggie," Ozzie warned, though his tone was still soft, noticing quickly how he began to ramble out of nerves. "I don't think that's helping."

ᯓ Yet you didn't mind much, it kind of did set your brain a little more straight and screwed in properly. So in a way you kind of did need Fizz's nervous rambling right now, "No, no it's fine. I. . . needed that. I just," A frown stretched upon your face, letting out a heavy sigh that was quickly replaced with a painful hiss and quickly followed by another apology from Ozzie. Your face scrunched at the pain, yet softened as you felt Fizz trying to comfort you once more. His hand squeezed your undamaged one, and when you turned your head towards his, he connected your foreheads. The distress that came from your fiancés were slowly becoming more apparent to you; Especially by the way Fizz looked into you, his own eyebrows frowned and scrunched, worry laced around his eyes. You felt the pressure of Ozzie wrapping your newly oxygen exposed wound with the towel, trying to cover it gently yet firmly enough. "I just. . . didn't want them to hurt you." The words left your mouth before you could think about their weight; Even if they were nothing but the truth, all the worry that struck your brain the moment Vox had called you out was all due to your worry that Fizz and Ozzie might get hurt. That they might be caught in some sort of cross fire between Vox and you and you would have to deal with their blood on your hands. That was a thought your couldn't bear to stand.

ᯓ The silence was thick for a good few minutes as you kept your eyes squeezed shut, afraid to open them and face Ozzie and Fizz. You could feel as Fizz leaned in, nuzzling your nose against his in an attempt to comfort you, coax you to open your eyes. But he just saw they way they twitched and you squeezed harder. You could feel as Ozzie paused, his fingers gently grabbing around yours yet not giving it's usual tug. And without looking at them, you felt the nerves build in your stomach at the thought that you might have offended them in some way, or they were disappointed in you for some reason. Yet they weren't. Logically, you knew that they weren't any of those things, yet they worrying thoughts still crept in your mind. "Baby, no. . ." Ozzie's sweet voice would ring through the unwanted chatter in your mind, almost like he could hear or feel what was happening in your tornado of a mind. "No, you don't have to worry about us, we were more worried about you. Trust me." You felt Ozzie's engulfing hand rest against your cheek and Fizz nod against your head, "Oh yeah! Our names have been racked through the mud since the whole Mammon incident. Trust us, we can take a little shit, but-" And Fizz paused, always a little hesitant to speak about these topics, "This is new to you, and we know how important your work is to you." "And Just like Sins, I'm sure an Overlord's power also comes from your reputation among people. And that guy, well, directly went for your reputation," Ozzie mumbled, his thumb rubbing sweetly against your cheek. He couldn't dent it, but he loved how they were a little chubbier than most, making your skin a little more plump and soft. "And for that I would have killed him! But you don't want that, for some reason I still don't understand!- But, we respect that. Just know we're here to help anyway we can." "Yeah just say the word!" Fizz playfully moved his head to nuzzle his nose against your other cheek, effectively earning a smile from you and a few bits of suppressed laughter that dared to bubble out your throat. You weren't sure why it was always ticklish when Fizz nuzzled his nose against your cheek, yet it was. "Okay, Okay!-" A giggle slipped through your lips, "I'm sorry. . . I should have, talked to you guys instead of-" You paused, chewing over your words. Yet, you didn't have to think for long as Fizz cut in, "Pushing us away?" "Hurting yourself?" Ozzie swiftly added after, both with their own sassy yet caring tones as they stared down at you. "Yeah. . . that." You would mumble, with an heat rushing up to your cheeks out of embarrassment. You didn't realize you were actually being that big of a dick to the two most important people in your life. Wow, you really did need that reality check from Fizz earlier.

ᯓ "Well, thank god we love you." Fizz's sarcastic voice trailed out with a cheeky grin spread across his face, showing off his pointed teeth and his ever so adorable cheeky attitude. "Or else this would be such a different story! You might have ended out on the streets, or worse, dead." And even if his words would be less than comforting for anyone else, you couldn't help but smile at them; Shooting your own cheeky glare back, finally gaining the courage to open your eyes again. To bask in your lovers' faces instead of cowering in the darkness, fearing a rejection that was never there to begin with. Something that would have never came. Ozzie took the chance to, while you were laughing and smiling and paying attention to Fizz rather than your own pain, to gently yet swiftly take out your third claw. Instantly, your tail trashed and a hiss escaped your mouth. And while he felt bad, Ozzie couldn't help but shake his head and rather seriously state, "Yeah, but don't ever do this again." "Yeah no, I don't think I can take looking at you stab through your own hand either." Fizz agreed, shaking his head. Either way, he went back to nuzzling you to comfort, trying to distract you from the pain of your hands as Ozzie moved the towel over your third wound. One more to go. You tried to keep in the giggles that threatened to escape due to their words, yet you couldn't help it. With a roll of your eyes and a sarcastic, yet playful, tone, you muttered back to them, "Well, fuck, if I ever get stabbed I'm never coming to either of you!"

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ᯓ★ All posts/fanfictions posted under this blog is owned by @razzle-n-dazzle. Please do not steal, copy, or plagiarize the works! Likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated.

[ A/N: Also, thank you so much for this request, it was a joy to write! I can't wait to hear from you again the future! And thank you to everyone for supporting my work, I've gotten so many nice comments in my inbox and I promise I'm trying to get through everyone's requests, or as much of them as possible. There's a good handful of them that request the same thing, so they will be clumped together, just because I don't think I can make enough content to make four separate posts about Adam with a Goth girlfriend or Yandere Lucifer lol! But, thank you all for the support, really, I wouldn't be able to do this all without you :) ]

[normal-thoughts-official]

Why Joe and Nicky deserve to win the sun and moon showdown, and if they don't I'll end up in the INTERPOL Most Wanted list

A not at all dramatic essay

(Plain text version here)

1. Not only do they canonically use moon imagery to refer to each other, but their context adds new symbolism to that metaphor that other duos don't have

If you haven't seen TOG and aren't familiar with the van speech, well, I recommend that you do, but I'll transcribe it for your convenience:

"He's not my 'boyfriend'. This man is more to me than you can dream. He's the moon when I'm lost in darkness and warmth when I shiver in cold. And his kiss still thrills me even after a millennium. His heart overflows with the kindness of which this world is not worthy of. I love this man beyond measure and reason, he's not my 'boyfriend'. He's all and he's more"

Yeah, pretty long way of saying "actually we're husbands", but let's focus on the "he's the moon when I'm lost in darkness" bit. That bit alone is already insanely romantic and enough to make us fans go rabid with this tournament, but there is an extra layer of romanticism to it, because Mr Yusuf al-Kaysani (aka Joe) is Muslim, and in Islam, the moon represents the guidance of Allah through life, the calendar is based on the moon cycles, and the brightness of the moon is compared to both the face of the Prophet Muhammad and the first batch of souls to enter Paradise. Therefore, the moon, in Joe's culture, is intrinsecally linked with the divine, guidance, holiness, and time

So, when Joe compares Nicky to the moon, he's not only saying that he brings light into a dark world; he is saying that he is the very guiding light that leads him to a blessed life, that he is the foundation through which the world and time can be understood, and that his beauty and holiness is comparable to that of the souls of Heaven themselves

Which is all already enough for me to bite through wood, but the specific relationship between the moon and the understanding of time in Joe's culture is also particularly meaningful for Joe and Nicky, because Joe and Nicky are two of the 5 people who are immortal in the entire world. And one of the core themes of the movie is how that sense of timelessness leads them to isolation, and a constant state of loss. There is a deep melancholy that permeates their entire existence due to the fact that time as we know it no longer makes sense to them, and they live outside of it, skirting around eras and history. So, by comparing Nicky to the very body that marked the passage of time for Joe, he is saying that Nicky is what helps him make sense of the impossible, that he is the constant in Joe's eternity, that he brings meaning to their confusing and sometimes alienating existence

But wait! There's more!

Because Joe and Nicky met in al-Quds (also known as Jerusalem) in the year 493 AH (also known as 1099 CE in the Gregorian Calendar) and had to travel together across the desert for a long time, which means that, for the first few years of their life together, they were in fact relying on the moon to guide them in their path. So they both have a deep intrinsic understanding of how the moon is a compass, the most reliable thing in uncertainty. And the moon has been guiding their steps, their relationship, since their paths were first joined. And they weren't separated since

Like. Listen, I'm sure Star Trek is great and its fans are lovely, and I salute the Star Trek fandom for everything it did for fandom history in general, but you cannot tell me that Spirk has this much baggage associated with the sunmoon symbolism. It just doesn't. If this were a hand touching tournament, no one would have as much symbolism linked to it than y'all, but when it comes to being the sun and moon, no one is doing it like Joe and Nicky

2. The most appealing aspect of the SunMoon dynamic is how they need to defeat all odds to be with each other, and Joe and Nicky have that in spades

"Oh I don't think that's the most ap-" IRRELEVANT. I'll talk about the other ones too. Just keep reading, okay? /joking

As you might know, Joe and Nicky met on opposite sides of a battlefield. They killed each other. (Many times). And what happened then?

They ressurrected and became immortal. That alone is already impossible, but it gets better - even for the rules of immortality in their universe, Joe and Nicky are still an impossibility that has never happened before or since

Because in The Old Guard, immortality is extremely rare. There have only ever been 7 immortals in the entire history of humanity. There are usually several millennia between the appearance of one immortal and the next one. Other than them, the shortest time gap between one immortal appearing and the next was 800 years. But Joe and Nicky became immortal at the same time, on the same day. Their very existence bends the rules of an universe that already bends the rules of the universe they lived in beforehand anyway. Joe and Nicky being together defies the very fabric of time, and if that isn't some sun and moon shit, I don't know what is

But it's not just some destiny shit either. Joe and Nicky were also not supposed to be together by other standards. For starters, they were on opposite sides of a war. Nicky was a fucking priest, and he joined the goddamn actual honest to god crusades. He was hateful and ignorant and awful, and when he chose Joe, he left behind everything he knew before him. All his certainties, his beliefs, his faith, his family, everything he had ever been taught. I'm also gonna go ahead and say that that ties into the whole "the sun is what makes the moon shine" metaphor - because everything that defines Nicky as he is now is the direct result of how meeting Joe changed him

And listen, listen to me. I'm not saying that he stopped being a bigot for Joe, because if he did, I doubt Joe would want him. He did it because it was the right thing to do, and he was wrong and ignorant and indoctrinated by the church. But he still had to make the choice to turn his back to all that, and that plain and simply would not have happened if he hadn't met Joe. It was Nicky's own effort, but meeting Joe was the catalyst

Joe, similarly, had to overcome a lifetime's worth of (well earned) resentment and hatred for what Nicky did. Joe forgiving Nicky at all is already nearly an impossibility (and he would be well within his right to never do that), but he didn't just forgive Nicky, he fell in love with him. And he chose him, well aware of how bloody and terrible his past was, and despite the fact that there is no way he wasn't deeply conflicted about what he felt for Nicky after everything the Christians put him through. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this process must have been for Joe, and it was one he didn't have to go through at all - which means that he chose to

And that's not even taking into account the very personal resentments between the two of them, because they weren't just on opposing armies, they literally and personally killed each other. Several times over. And yet, impossibly, against all logic, against everything they had ever felt and believed in prior to each other, against possibly their own desires, they fell in love. They fell in love and have been hopelessly devoted to each other every since

And THEN, on top of all that at the beginning of their relationship, they lived as an interracial, interfaith*, gay couple, through what were undoubtedly the worst times in humanity's history to be either of those things. For 900 years, they had to love each other in secret and with varying degrees of risk associated with ever being found out as a couple, or even with being associated with each other at all to begin with

(*It is debatable what their current relationship with their respective original faiths is, since it isn't mentioned in the movie. But even if both of them had turned their back on their religions, they are still culturally Christian and culturally Muslim, and that makes a difference. Personally, though, I don't think either of them turned their backs on their religions, although I do believe Nicky turned his back to the Catholic Church as an institution for obvious reasons)

That's not even counting all the incredibly traumatic shit that they went through ever since (which I won't mention in detail because it's spoilers and also this is long enough already) and that would definitely break a couple with a less unbreakable bond. Through centuries and centuries of pain and regret, they have chosen nothing and no one but each other, first and foremost, no matter what that meant.

Nicky even brings it up in the comics:

[ID: Joe and Nicky touching foreheads with their eyes closed. Nicky is holding Joe's chin and he says, "why is it so difficult, Joe? We've been afforded more time than any lovers I can name. And still, every moment we scrape together feels precious. Something always happens-" End ID]

(From the Tales Through Time one-shot series. I generally think the comics are meh and the movie is where it's at, but I do recommend reading this one. It is set before the movie happens so there are no spoilers)

There has never been a time where being together was easy, and yet, Joe and Nicky chose each other no matter what. They chose each other even when it meant being separated and getting only scraps of time together in secret. If that isn't some sun and moon shit, I don't know what is

3. They complement each other

And not in the dumb stereotypical "the sunshine one and the grumpy one" way either. For starters, Joe isn't bubbly, and Nicky isn't grumpy. No, they have two characteristics that I think represent the sun and moon way better than that anyway - Joe is an extremely intense person, and Nicky, an extremely cool headed one

Joe doesn't feel anything by halves, and despite the fact that he has lived through several lifetimes, it still seems as if everything he goes through is happening for the first time. Every time Nicky or another one of the family dies, Joe looks just as desperate as he would a millennium ago, despite the fact that he's had centuries to get used to the fact that they die and then come back to life. He's the only one who's that affected by it (obviously none of them enjoy seeing each other die, but the rest seem to have accepted to some degree that it's a part of their lives, or at least gotten used to it). He has experienced so many horrible things, yet he is still as affected and disgusted by it every time, going as far as lashing out sometimes. When he's angry, no one is able to hold him back from yelling at the person he's angry at (not even Nicky). Similarly, not even an actual van full of armed homophobic guards is able to stop him from simply dropping a passionate speech about how important Nicky is to him, complete with getting misty-eyed and kissing him at the end (and I'm not even bringing up the fact that both of them have their hands and their feet tied)

To me, that is the most sun-coded possible trait, because the sun is intense, hard to ignore, and quite literally burning. The intensity with which Joe feels also feels like it could burn, but it's also what makes him so warm and loving

Nicky is also a pretty intense person, but, unlike Joe, he is super cool headed about it. For starters, Nicky is a sniper; he is capable of staying still for hours at a time, observing, figuring out the best time to strike. That demands an amount of control over himself, his feelings, even his instincts, that is admirable. But he's not just like that on a mission; Nicky is very careful with what he says, when he speaks, what he lets other people see of him. His expressions are all subtle, contained, and even when he is in a state of murderous rage, he doesn't lash out. He doesn't lose control. The same way that the moon and the sun share their brightness, Joe and Nicky share their intensity, but Nicky is able to subdue it while Joe burns with it and lets that be his strength

Where Joe is expansive and wears his heart on his sleeve, Nicky is cautious and guarded. Where Joe gets lost in his own feelings and loses sight of what they need to do, Nicky keeps their heads straight and reminds him of what they need to do. Like the moon that guides one through the desert

They're different and complementary, but also intrinsecally tied to each other. They have the same spark where it matters, but present it in different, complementary ways. They are a part of each other, but they're also themselves first and foremost. That's what the sun and moon are all about

Sun and moon imagery has been the staple of the Joenicky fandom since day fucking 1, and for good reasons

VOTE JOE AND NICKY IN THE SUN AND MOON DUO SHOWDOWN

[cats-obsessions]

Kill Your Lover - Durgetash Drabble, Part 1

Summary: The Dark Urge, Nox, is brought his father's command to kill his lover for the first time, and Sceleritas wants to plan a wedding.

Part 1 | Part 2

---

Somehow, the silence echoes in the room, pounding, throbbing pain bouncing off the walls of Nox’s busy mind. He had been serving his father well without complaint. His following had never been stronger since he was appointed Chosen, and the temple was thriving. He didn’t understand- he didn’t want to.

“I have treated you with great mercy throughout our years working together.” He finally says. So much meaning hidden between the words, more unsaid than said.

“Oh, but master I only desire for your greatness!” Sceleritas stands before him, the useless butler eager in his duty, a grinning reaper of death.

“Stop.” Nox pinches the bridge of his nose. He fights with himself not to scream, and his voice comes out a deep, measured, and dangerous sound, “You watch me, you follow me, you report on my business- my victory and my sin alike. You are nothing but a glorified spy to serve my father.”

“I would never-”

“Then, you will not speak of this. It is only physical, and we have made much growth toward my father’s design.”

“The machinations you have contrived of, I will admit, are beyond that I have seen from any other Bhaalspawn. Nonetheless, you must know Bhaal has sensed some… attachment to the Banite.”

“He is wrong.” Nox hisses, and not even he knows the depths of which the lie runs.

“Wonderful! Simply kill-”

“No.”

The bravado in Sceleritas’ posture all but seeps out of him, his shoulders beginning to wilt toward the floor. “Your refusal will only prove him right.”

“The plan is not finished.” Nox says, and the justification is true.  

“Surely m’lord can complete it without the Banite.”

“I cannot.”

“Master, there is no shame in gaining such attachments as long as you divulge yourself of them as they come up.”

“I cannot.”

“If it is sentimentality that concerns you, have you considered the romanticism of whispering your confessions to the Banite as you delve your blessed dagger into his dark heart?”

“I will not.” Nox raises his voice. “I will not. Not now. Not yet. Allow me this one thing.” He feels as though there is a hand in his chest, squeezing his heart as the wretched thing fights for every last beat of blood flowing through his veins. The pain in his head intensifies, sharp spikes stabbing into his frontal lobe.

There is a long silence between them before the butler finally speaks, his voice unusually soft, “You know I am not the one that commands such things.”

“I know.” He sighs, “And yet, I do not know what to do.”

Another long pause hangs in the air until Sceleritas lifts his hand, damned finger pointed toward the heavens. “Perhaps there is hope yet to make your case to our Lord Bhaal. Surely, your loving father will pardon your fondness if only we can convince him the Banite pawn is needed. Perhaps, both your desires may be sated in truly the greatest show of attachment given by our blessed lord.”

“To sacrifice us on my father’s alter? Of course, I’ve considered it.” Noxs huffs, and he has. He’s envisioned it more than once throughout the years since their first coupling- hells, maybe a few times before then, too.

“Oh my, had I known things were so serious, I would have prepared an array of options for the ceremony. Oh- yes, suits, decorations, a feast. My- no-” the butler shakes his head, seemingly pushing the thoughts from his mind, “Not yet my lord. You may instead give your father a sign of your commitment to such a design. To complete his plan then slaughter the failure of Bane in your own last breath.” Sceleritas sighs wistfully, “Nothing could be more romantic.”

Nox mulls it over. He had wished for that moment many times since first feeling the depravity of the Banite’s adoring touch, but to promise it at the end- would it be possible his father could allow him that much time? A greedy mind would imagine years- decades even before the world was truly under their thumb. All that time to live before it was time to die. It was a dream he dared not hold onto too tightly.

“I have officiated such rituals many times.” He thinks back to his followers which had chosen such a fate. The way they held each other close, staring deep into the eyes of their lovers as if they were not bleeding out onto the alter of Bhaal- that was, when both parties cooperated, anyways. “When an outsider is involved, we say they are made holy by their union.”

“Indeed, my lord.”

“Is that- could that be the case for Enver even?” They were doomed from the start, if he’s being honest with himself. There was no reality in which they could be together forever. This was not a choice he could make, but perhaps, if his father truly loved him, Bhaal could.

“To be taken into Bhaal’s great arms? I do not see why he would say no.” the butler hums.

Yes, he would do that. The next morning, he would rise early while the sun still sat on the edge of night and day, and drew drops clung to every grass blade, and he would procure a wondrous sacrifice for his father. He would bring his bounty to the temple, in the depth of the holiest of holy rooms, and he would conduct his own personal ceremony. Only then would he bow in prayer and scrawl his plea to his father in blood and ink.

*  *  *

Sceleritas jumps up, his long fingers tapping together impatiently as the door to the Dark Urge’s chambers swings open. It had been not hours but days since the Scion of Bhaal had left the ritual chamber, no food or drink or communication beyond his prayers to their god.

“Master! You are back already! What did he say?”

He’s draped in his ceremonial garb, a long, white robe seeping with the red of blood from the bottom of it and gold chains which hold the symbol of Bhaal suspended between his horns. Normally, his expression would be alight with desire and excitement, consumed with the pleasing warmth of murder and blood.

Instead, there is nothing behind his eyes; not grief nor joy nor sin. Only emptiness, a void so dark, Shar herself surely stands before him.

He does not answer the butler for a long, unmoving moment. Unfeeling hands pull the prayer of forgiveness out again, and Nox looks down at it one last time, the words burnt into his eyes and soul. Finally, recognition flashes before his eyes, something sharp and dangerous. He folds it neatly and places it into his breast pocket.

“It will not be of concern to me anymore.”

Part 2

--------

Other Durgetash drabbles: x

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

No Children

Written By: John Darnielle

Artist: The Mountain Goats

Released: 2002

It should be noted that this song, and entire album, was written through the point of view of an imagined couple–known as the Alpha couple. In John’s own words, “The Alpha couple are these people who get together in California, and they fall in love, but they’re really broken people, and they’re very bad for each other – they’re both big liquor enthusiasts. They move to Las Vegas and live in a motel for a year, out of a sort of romanticized vision of how they’re supposed to live, and things just keep getting worse, so they just flee across the country in the hopes of starting a new life, but they haven’t really thought it through at all. So they get to Tallahassee, and that’s where I always envisioned them falling apart, in some tiny little house”. “No Children” is a staple of band’s live shows and certainly among their most well-known. The song further expands upon the notion that this couple cannot ever be content, and know only how to live in chaos and misery. The Alpha couple were put to rest by Darnielle after the release of Tallahassee in 2002–though John has said he could one day bring them back. Darnielle stated, “This is a song that I want you to know when it comes time for your divorce. You could be in a lawyer’s office somewhere off 15-501 in one of those little business parks you don’t normally go to saying, ‘Well, I must’ve driven past this place a thousand times. Now I’m going to get my divorce.’ Like some people wait for Christmas; it’s a different sort of Christmas. And as you prepare to sign the papers, you say, ‘I’m glad I’ve got that one tune.’ ”

[Verse 1] I hope that our few remaining friends Give up on trying to save us I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot To piss off the dumb few that forgave us I hope the fences we mended Fall down beneath their own weight And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late [Pre-Chorus 1] And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here Someday burns down And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away And I never come back to this town again [Chorus 1] In my life I hope I lie, and tell everyone you were a good wife And I hope you die I hope we both die [Verse 2] I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do And I hope I never get sober [Pre-Chorus 2] And I hope when you think of me years down the line You can't find one good thing to say And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out You'd stay the hell out of my way [Chorus 2] I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die

I Was Born to Love You

Written By: Freddie Mercury

Artist: Freddie Mercury

Released: 1985

Cover included: Queen, 1995

“I Was Born to Love You” is a 1985 song by Freddie Mercury, and was released as a single and on the Mr. Bad Guy album. After Mercury’s death, Queen re-worked this song for their album Made in Heaven in 1995, by having the other members play their instrumental parts over the original track transforming the song from a disco song to a rock song. The Queen version from the Made in Heaven album also includes samples of Mercury’s ad-lib vocals taken from “A Kind of Magic” and from “Living On My Own”.

[Chorus Intro] An amazing feeling coming through I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart Yes, I was born to take care of you Every single day of my life [Verse 1] You are the one for me, I am the man for you You were made for me, you're my ecstasy If I was given every opportunity I'd kill for your love, hey So take a chance with me, let me romance with you I'm caught in a dream, and my dream's come true (It's) so hard to believe this is happening to me An amazing feeling coming through [Chorus] I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart, yeah I was born to take care of you, huh Every single day of my life [Verse 2] I wanna love you, I love every little thing about you I wanna love you, love you, love you (Born) to love you, (born) to love you, yes (born) I was born to love you (Born) to love you, (born) to love you every single day of my life I was born to take care of you every single day of my life [Instrumental Break] [Bridge] My life! Hey hey! Every single day of my life [Chorus] I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart Yeah, I was born to take care of you, honey Every single day of my life

[curtklingermanposts]

Spiritual Warfare

“Spiritual Warfare” is Not in the Bible

When you hear the term, spiritual warfare, what comes to mind? Is it some form of spiritual violence? Perhaps, it’s some sort of militant posture against the devil, and his minions. Does it include screaming at the strongholds in the sky, so to speak? It is easy to romanticize this term, and create something in our minds that might actually conflict with the Word of God. Here some things to consider, and by all means search the Scripture to see if they be so, which is probably something we should do on a regular basis, anyway. Let’s start with the term itself. Did you know the words, spiritual and warfare cannot be found together in the Bible? Of course, sometimes we use terms for quick snapshots of concepts. One example is the word, Trinity. It too, cannot be found in the Bible; nonetheless, the principle is definitely there. The question is, how do we define spiritual warfare? Perhaps, we could forego the term, altogether. “Blasphemy!” Okay, if one does not want to forego the term, maybe see what it actually means, or looks like. Let’s start here: our warfare is to remain spiritual in whatever circumstance we might find ourselves. We do that by submitting to Holy Spirit, helps us keep from carnality. In addition, we need guard our hearts from using the Word of God in a carnal manner. We can ill afford to be self-willed, and bend Scripture to fit our our fancy. Galatians 5:6 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

Find the Example

One thing that would be beneficial is finding examples of the things Jesus, or the disciples did in relation to any concept we may find, or think we find. Obviously, our Best Example is Jesus, Himself. How did He exhibit spiritual warfare? Do we find Jesus or the disciples doing some of the things we say or do anywhere in the Bible? If not, perhaps we should consider if it is something we should actually be doing. We need to be careful about not adding to, or taking away anything from God’s Word. Let’s pick on a couple things that has been prevalent in some circles of the Church. Did we ever see Jesus yelling or speaking to the devil when He prayed? For instance, “I bind you, Satan, in the name of Jesus!” “I’m serving you notice, devil,” and so on. Since when do we employ weapons that the devil uses? The devil binds people; we do not. Let’s do a quick sidenote here, and see if we can gain some clarity. There is a passage in Scripture that talks about bind and loosing. These terms might not mean what some think they mean. Incidentally, screaming at the devil gives him too much undeserved attention! Matthew 18:18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven (be sure to read verses 15-17 for full context). Essentially, these are legal terms. To bind means to declare something is unlawful, and loose means to declare something is lawful. The New American Standard brings clarity to this verse: Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in Heaven. In other words, these pronounce what is legal, or illegal based on the laws of Heaven. Just as Jesus said, “Your Kingdom come Your will be done in earth as it is in Heaven (Matthew 6:10). For instance, unforgiveness would be an unlawful act, since we are commanded to forgive. Unforgiveness binds us from the blessings of Heaven; whereas, forgiveness opens them up. Some embrace the idea that part of spiritual warfare is tearing down demonic strongholds. Have you ever read where Jesus tore down strongholds? Ironically, stronghold has a different meaning than the way some apply this word. Here’s a clue: it’s a stronghold. Okay, let’s see what the Bible says. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. This is the only place we find this term. The verse is parenthetical, and defines what is considered strongholds. They are imaginations (speculations) and every high thing (lofty thing) raised up against the knowledge of God. By definition, Stronghold,  (CHURMA [3794, Strong’s Concordance number]) is derived by another word (ECHO [Strong’s Concordance number, 2192]), which means to fortify, through the idea of holding safely. Stronghold is a fortification, or castle. In this case, it is a metaphor for an argument in which someone trusts, or where human confidence is imposed. So, “stronghold” is a stronghold for some.

Staying Spiritual

Being spiritual requires our being dependent on Holy Spirit. We cannot white-knuckle our way through life. It includes be merciful, and gracious towards others. Especially, the ones who “don’t’ deserve it!” After all, Jesus extended mercy and grace to us, even though, we didn’t deserve it either. When you walk into a dark room, do you yell at the darkness, or turn on the light? We come against the enemy by being for others. We pray for them, speaking light into dark situations. When it gets down to it, darkness is the absence of Light. We extend mercy, so others may experience it, and find repentance. Being kind and forgiving toward others are aspects of our warfare. Remember, kindness leads to repentance (see Romans 4:4). Staying spiritual means fellowship with God, as Jesus revealed to us by His constant communion with our Father.

perfectfaith.org

[ejamesquijano]

SWEET NOVEMBER Out of the dark, into the light

There was a moment within this month that I told myself I was finally healing. It was weird feeling that, knowing the pessimistic side of myself — especially amidst this year full of shitty shenanigans. But somehow along the dark roads, I’ve learned to seek for light and I followed it, as if my life depended on it. Furthermore, maybe the universe has its ways to really put you in a trance and appreciate life a little more. So let me tell you, my future self, the list of the things that made me happy this November:

1. On the last week of October, my 30th birthday happened and I spent it on a solo vacation in my favorite city of Baguio. I cannot suitably put this into words but it was my first time to do a solo travel trip and it gave me such an exciting feeling; I was ecstatic almost all the time and definitely this was just the first of many more in the future. I will never forget that moment when I stepped out of the bus, felt the cool midday breeze and cannot really help myself but to smile because I was feeling fucking great. I’ll never forget spending my 30th with the arts at a museum that speaks to me in so many ways. Also, Wence came along and spent the remaining days of the trip with me and that was so much fun too. Recently, I love romanticizing my life more because I have only me — my heart, my soul, and the end goal is to be happy with the life lived.

2. A couple of weeks later, Wence and I celebrated our 10th year of being a couple and my heart was full. I created a video supercut of our lives together in the past ten years while he gave me a half-frame film camera to make more memories with him in photographs. Simple yet symbolic, I’ll forever cherish that day knowing that this person has been a part of me for a decade, became my solitude, my best friend, and my rock. We parted ways very happy that November night, hoping for more years of bliss to come.

3. I am finally back at Photo-biking: a hobby that has been making me happy for the past 3 years now. I’ve been biking more and more this month because I am hyped up by my new half frame camera, and it was such a therapy also. The photos above were the results, I miss this so much!

4. My cat, Lvna, is getting better. Let’s just say that this year, I’ve dealt with so much stress – mental, emotional, and financial about this matter and I am just glad that he’s lively again with little to no signs of health concerns. That’s it, enough said.

Today I thank myself for this, for following the light and trying my best to run from darkness. Because perhaps it was true, that my life lately was hanging by a thread and I was frightened of the things that could happen if I weren’t strong enough. I thank myself for the love that is all mine, for the core that has been stable despite the shaky ride. I am aware that there would be a lot more dark streets and messy alleys to cross, but I thank the gods, heavens, and the universe, that I still have me, as always, at the end of the day.

*** 35mm Expired Konica Minolta Commercial Color Film 100 November, 2023

[misscammiedawn]

Going through today and this post has been bugging me. The lack of detail in the unification of the cluster for one thing and the lack of JOY displayed. It's one thing to write about the cluster sharing skills and emotions and working to their commonalities but it bugs me that we... that Dawn... didn't get more specific.

So here are some Sense8 moments that I felt were very Plural Vibes:

At the end of the second season there is a beautiful moment where Will's father is in hospital and crying for his son. Will's dad reminds us a lot of our own father and during that scene Riley is in Chicago and Will is in London so she goes in his place and for a moment CopDad sees his son through Riley's eyes and... we are lucky enough to have a partner capable of seeing us as individuals and recognizing us from facial expression alone. Heaven knows how she does it. She's tried to tell us before... there is something so beautiful and powerful about being SEEN.

The show had a lot of that recognition of the other and acceptance of their truth on display. Nomi's parents correctly naming her and thinking of her as their daughter was a gross sob moment for Cammie when it happened. Though magic pot brownies cannot cure transphobia. God I wish it could.

When Will's dad dies he starts shooting up on heroin as a way of blocking others out and sealing away the pain (withdrawl doesn't exist in this fiction). The entire cluster come to him and say that they understand he wants to push everyone away and hide from the pain but they need him...

And as the Part Most Likely To Hide On The Roof For Months At A Time I get it from both sides. Being the one who is hurting so bad that she cannot face the world and aspects of herself that need to continue functioning and the desperation of a system that is missing a big part of who they are and wish they could allow for hiding and recovering but it just doesn't work like that. When I am gone we lose our discipline and our focus. We missed medication and ruined our sleep schedule because the little voice that says "GO TO BED" or "NOW MEANS NOW, NOT FIVE MINUTES FROM NOW!" Isn't there. I hate that I am that voice and I've heard every part bitch about me in therapy but they need me and I abandoned them. Worse I abandoned my relationships and they notice when I'm gone.

The show, accidentally, did a good job of displaying the dilemma that is what happens when a part elects to go dormant.

But the joy!? The JOY!

The scenes of the cluster listening to the same music and dancing together or singing along with Wolfgang at karaoke. The scenes where Capheus is thrilled that Riley is flying and his joy is literally infectious and makes Riley enjoy the mundane experience of an economy ticket flight. Rajan kissing his wife good morning while Wolfgang is still piloting her body and he just smiles because the love they feel for him radiates through the cluster. The way Lito screams "I am coming Family!" while including Neets in that list.

The way the positivity radiates through them all is gorgeous and it's something we feel every day. This far into our parts work there's no rejection anymore.

Back when we were younger we would war on things without even realizing we were doing it. We'd hate on ourselves for enjoying "immature" things. Me and Wynn in particular would insist that we were an adult and maybe shouldn't be getting giddy over embarrassing media or speaking animatedly about the differences in Sonic comics over different continents and yet... sure enough, these days the joy of Cammie's joy is our joy. Likewise we don't hate on traces of our dad in us anymore and can support his footie team and remember the days we were at the pub with him enjoying the Saturday kick about and know it's not us romanticizing moments with our dad, it's accepting that a part of us harbours joy in those memories and it's OKAY for him to bring that joy into the present. It shouldn't all be pain and trauma, even if the world tries to make it be.

The show even has a twinge of that. The final 2 episodes include the evil BPO organization using pain as a sonar to find the others in a cluster because pain travels well between sensates and it's like... joy does too. Love does too... but those who view sensates as other and a medical curiosity would be fixated on the visceral pain response. It's easier to observe and easier to trigger. Why bother with anything else, right?

Anyway...

I think we're done talking about this show for a bit. I was just bothered that the post Dawn shared didn't include some of my fave moments.

I Am Also A We - Integration and Functional Multiplicity in sense8

CW: sense8 depicts suicide, transphobia, medical trauma, deadnaming, chronic alcoholism, drug abuse, homophobia, homophobic slurs, intense sexual themes, plays sexual assault towards men for humor. Check DoesTheDogDie for more information.

If you watch the show be warned the first episodes involve a family forcefully trying to (allegorically) detransition a transgender woman and circumvent her agency in a medical setting. This may be more than most can handle.

"I've been thinking about my life, and all of the mistakes that I've made. The ones that stay with me, the ones that I regret, are the ones that I made because of fear. For a long time, I was afraid to be who I am because I was taught by my parents that there's something wrong with someone like me. Something offensive, something you would avoid, maybe even pity. Something that you could never love. My mom, she's a fan of St. Thomas Aquinas. She calls pride a sin. And of all the venal and mortal sins, St. Thomas saw pride as the queen of the seven deadlies. He saw it as the ultimate gateway sin that would turn you quickly into a sinaholic. But hating isn't a sin on that list. Neither is shame. I was afraid of this parade because I wanted it so badly to be a part of it. So today, I'm marching for that part of me that was once afraid to march and for all the people who can't march - the people who living lives like I did. Today, I march to remember that I'm not just a me but I'm also a we. And we march with pride." Nomi Marks (sense8 - Season 1, Episode 2)

Humans are fascinating and varied creatures.

Imagine for a moment, a transgender hactivist in San Francisco, a closeted homosexual movie star in Mexico City, a cop in Chicago, a Nordic expat DJ living in London, an orphaned gangster in Berlin, a bus driver in Nigeria who has never lived in a home with running water, a Hindu bio-chemist in Mumbai and a kickboxer in Seoul whose father owns a powerful investment firm.

Lives so disparate that it would be simple to create walls of division to keep them wholly separate and incapable of acting as a whole...

And yet the show is all about erasing the division between people and as the show goes on these 8 people with all their unique and individual perspectives and backgrounds, will become one and many. A collective as one.

That seems like something I may want to talk a little about.

sense8 is a Netflix drama that ran for 2 seasons (and had 2 specials) between 2015-2018. Created by the Wachowski Sisters of Matrix fame and J Michael Straczynski of Babylon 5 fame.

It is a show about radical empathy, the full spectrum of the human experience and the virtues of living openly and connected in the face of a world that pressures the marginalized to hide and remain divided.

Yet in listening to our contributors, especially those with Indigenous ties or who identify as people of color and/or not bound by the ties of Western medicine, dissociation as it’s been described so far [...] can mean many things that are not helpful. A general consensus from these contributors is that trauma survivors ought never be shamed for doing what they have to do in order to survive, especially because so many of the contexts into which people are born promote division, disconnection, and marginalization. Usually this context is shaped by a dominant culture that relies on separation in its most unhelpful and wounding sense to uphold the power that the dominant culture so readily craves. (Dissociation Made Simple - Jamie Marich)

To acknowledge the flaws in both shows and creators, The Wachowski's tend to have a lens of privilege and blind spots to their works that undermine their messages of radical empathy, most famously their fumble in the diversity of Cloud Atlas' cast and the use of white actors in Asian roles (Natalie Portman was originally offered the role that went to Bae Doona).

sense8 is not immune to this and does have issues with connecting the 8 main characters without consideration to certain biases. Some mild examples are that the Christmas special having all 8 unanimously celebrating the Christian holiday (including a Hindu and a character with religious trauma centered on Christianity specifically) to the unchecked Copaganda and the show completely erases asexuality as a valid lifestyle with dialogue even going as far to say that sex is why we exist and to deny it is to deny being human.

Also as someone with an extreme aversion to depictions of suicide... this show does like to offer suicide as The Only Way Out a lot. The show opens on a suicide and the final episode involves no fewer than 3 attempts by various characters when they are cornered. One even succeeds. Lana's experience with her suicide attempt was important to her coming out as a trans woman. A version of that moment is even depicted in the 4th Matrix movie with Neo (allegorically Lana herself) helping someone else wake to their own identity in a suicide attempt. I do not want to rob her of the transformative power of that event and memory. It's clearly important to her and her work, but it's troublesome that averted suicide attempts are always depicted virtuously in her work. Again... it's a matter of blind spots and biases.

I acknowledge the show is flawed in these and many more respects but it does speak to empathy and connection in a way that though not perfectly placed upon the screen, is a message worth internalizing. Though it's okay to be uncomfortable with how it is presented and opt out.

Regardless of imperfect execution and the early cancellation, it is still a miracle of a show. In many ways it is a show that shouldn't exist. It cost $9 million per episode and its filming schedule required flying between 11 cities for 3 weeks of shooting a piece. It features full nudity, multiple sex scenes involving huge swaths of the cast at once.

To put all of that in perspective, the entire experience is literally bookended by a rainbow strap-on glistening from use.

But... this is not a show about dissociative disorders. Mental illness is only represented in that characters briefly question their sanity. So why am I talking about it in my Media, Myself and I essay series on positive representation of dissociative disorders in fiction?

Well... it just so happens to also feature the best depiction of Functional Multiplicity in all of television.

Functional Multiplicity or "Integration" is a goal in treating complex dissociative disorders where the dissociative system are able to function as a single person with minimal division between parts.

It is important to note that intergration and fusion are two separate concepts and are both valid outcomes for treatment within CDD therapy. Where fusion is the concept of merging all dissociated personalities into a single unified personality, integration allows the system to communicate and cooperate with full access to memories and skills with no inner-conflict exacerbating symptoms.

The final approach in Fraser’s article addresses the issue of fusion or integration, a strong area of potential controversy for those diagnosed with or identifying as DID. Many individuals with DID strongly resist or oppose a psychiatrist or any other provider’s insistence that they integrate the various aspects of their personality into a cohesive whole. This process can feel disrespectful to the members of a system, and if you are reading this passage and have ever felt triggered at the suggestion that you need to integrate, you are not alone. (Dissociation Made Simple - Jamie Marich)

The terms “dissociation” and “integration” have long been synonymous with one another—meant to signify that the only reasonable goal in working with splitting and compartmentalization must be the fusing together of dissociated parts to create one single “homogenized” adult. Daniel Siegel, however, makes a strong case against defining integration as fusion. He asserts (2010a) a different view: “Integration requires differentiation and linkage.” Before we can integrate two phenomena, we have to differentiate them and “own” them as separate entities. We can’t simply “act as if” they are connected without noticing their separateness. But, having clearly differentiated them so they can be studied and befriended, we then have to link them together in a way that fosters a transformed sense of the client’s experience, facilitating healing and reconnection. - (Healing the Fragmented Selves - Janina Fischer)

Acknowledging the separateness and clearly differentiating people to befriend, link and foster a transformed sense of experience, facilitating healing and connection.

Now that sounds like sense8 to me.

As mentioned above the shows protagonists are from different walks of life. Nomi, Lito, Will, Riley, Wolfgang, Capheus, Kala and Sun are all "born" into a "cluster", a nest of 8 connected minds who share their every thought and experience with one another.

The core 8 are able to share control of one another's bodies as well as speak telepathically in one another's heads. "Sharing" and "Visiting" respectively, if we are to play the YA Novel game of naming every single concept in a fictional world.

Each character has their strengths and weaknesses and connections that make up for their weaknesses.

To give an example Lito is an actor who has a little bit of a diva streak. He's good at lying under pressure, he can flirt with women effortlessly, he is deeply in touch with his emotions and he lives in absolute terror of his homosexual lifestyle being discovered for fear it will ruin his career and the comfort he has earned in life.

Wolfgang is ruthless and blunt and so leans on Lito's ability to lie under pressure, something that he is typically incapable of doing because he does not value roundabout methods of deception when he can just brute force his way to solutions. Lito helps him lie when the situation calls for it.

Sun is emotionally repressed, choosing to work her emotions through her fists, though she is one of the most privileged members of the cluster she has more than enough reason to be sad with a father who refused to show her love, the worst brother on the planet, a dead mother and a plot that involves her being wrongfully imprisoned and subject to multiple assassination attempts. She can offer the rest of the cluster her fighting skills but it is Lito who helps her to be able to cry when she needs it. In a beautiful scene late in season 2 a depressed Lito is crying in Sun's hotel room and Sun admonishes him saying that she is the one with reason to cry and Lito responds plainly "But you never would. Maybe that is why I am here."

On the flipside whenever Lito is in conflict about his life in the closet he pulls up Nomi, a transgender woman who has been through the entire coming out process, and leans heavily on her.

Though it takes much of the first season for the characters to understand what is happening to them we eventually get to see all 8 of them completely at home with one another's thoughts and perspectives.

They are separate, yes. But they are of one mind.

This is akin to the end result of trauma focused parts work in therapy. When a person is not yet treated for trauma based dissociation their inability to integrate their experiences creates a fracture and a disharmony that breeds emotional volatility and a breakdown in inner experience.

Disowning requires selective attention, a focusing away from whatever is “not me.” The senses fail to register what is taking place around us; we don’t feel our emotional responses, good or bad; we are in a zone. We can’t “own” our anger or dependence or fear when we don’t feel them. We can’t “own” traumatic events that we haven’t witnessed. We can’t know ourselves as whole human beings because only those qualities valued in a traumatic environment are accessible to consciousness. Segregating intense feelings, though, results in affect intolerance: if we can escape our emotions by automatically and involuntarily shifting into a different part of the self or different feeling state, we never get the opportunity to exercise our “emotional muscles,” and all feelings gradually become more and more intolerable. Inner conflicts are never resolved, just distanced. When that happens, acting out (self-destructively or addictively) and “acting in” (through self-hatred, self-judgment, punitive introspection) become the only avenues for regulating emotions and autonomic arousal. Splitting or fragmentation must become more complex and creative. - (Healing the Fragmented Selves - Janina Fischer)

As the main cluster of the show are able to expand their horizons via empathy and connection to one another they are able to challenge their blind spots and achieve a level of comfort in their world that was not accessible before. From our above example Sun can process her emotions thanks to Lito.

In a similar fashion, in Season 2 Kala becomes guilty about her lifestyle because she discovers that the company she works for is sending inferior medication to Capheus' region of the world and through experiencing life through Capheus' eyes she is aware of her position of privilege and uses her power to make positive change.

Had the show have been able to continue on this empathy would have been the center of the show with Capheus running for political office, Lito embracing his role as a queer icon who can inspire others and Riley risking exposure by touring her music and making contact with other sensates.

Alas. We'll never get the promised potential of the show's premise.

Another factor that was promised but was not fully paid off on was the concept of blockers.

In the show other sensates could visit (but not share) with a single member of a cluster if they make eye contact (Cloud Atlas which shared 3 directors and 3 writers with this show also included this concept of eye contact creating a human connection) and the only way to prevent their intrusion was to take blockers. A medication that cut off their empathetic connections and turned off their psychic ability.

The blocker allegory was about masking and hiding and working to blend in with the dominant culture without standing out. Part of the show's humanity was the characters wishing to go against the narrative that they needed to hide and to live loud and proud and inspire others to do the same.

It would have been interesting to see each of the sensates on blockers learning to act in ways their cluster would without being able to let them take control of their body. Show that the integration of the system is not a matter of separate parts in their own boxes but a cluster that is fully connected and capable of sharing their sole life.

To go back to my discussion on functional multiplicity, the concept of being able to share memories and skills is emphasized as a part of both integration and fusion models.

Sharing roles, responsibilities or tasks also enables other parts to help the System’s successful functioning in the outside world. Then, these parts can grow and mature individually. It also gives the System the opportunity to feel first-hand appreciation for what parts have done and contributed to the System’s survival and success, as well as better understanding of what it takes to keep the System functioning well today. (Got Parts? - ATW)

We are all in this together.

A beautiful thing that the show displays outside of the core cluster is the radical empathy and acceptance that exist within the side characters.

In the final episode of the show Wolfgang's surrogate brother and only true family Felix arrives to the help the cluster Capheus rushes over to him and embraces him exclaiming "MY BROTHER, FELIX!" and laughing with joy. This was Capheus' first time meeting Felix but the empathetic connection travels between them.

The same connection causes Kala's love for her husband to be felt by Wolfgang and allow the three of them to engage in a polyamorous relationship. The final orgy scene of the show literally climaxes with Kala's non-psychic husband exclaiming "My god, I didn't think such things were possible" after a threesome with his wife and Wolfgang who share the same love for him. This is the very last line of the show.

In a dissociative system conflict can breed between parts that are not integrated when their needs, desires and drives are not in alignment.

To give an example from our own life, Wynn is a part that is capable of turning off our empathy. When she perceives a threat to us from the idea of someone emotionally manipulating us (a parent trying to shame/guilt us into ceding to their demands or a partner threatening suicide) she will lock out the rest of the system who may be swayed and force us to act with hostility and coldness. More than once this has ended with us in further danger or emotional turmoil and it leads other parts to over compensate to try and "fix" the damage done when we were "emotionally compromised" by the part acting in our interests of survival over the harmony of the system and our relationships. Especially because the dangerous situations that necessitated her existence are not part of our present and her reactions may no longer be appropriate.

This kind of divide is natural in a dissociative system early in their healing journey.

The range of emotional experience, including both positive (e.g., joy, love) and negative (e.g., anger, fear, grief) affects, plays a vital role in human adaptation by promoting closeness in relationships. Relational distortions result when emotions repeatedly fail to achieve their purpose, when they are persistently activated, or when their expression is blocked or punished. Distortions in emotional regulation (and associated defensive distortions of behavior) refl ect distortions in care (Bowlby, 1969/1982) that manifest as dysynchronies between caregiving behavior and child emotional experience and needs (Sameroff & Emde, 1989) [...] A lasting split between self-preservation and integrative self-regulation leads to a vicious cycle. Extreme affective states become infused into the person’s selfand other-representations (“bad objects,” Benatar, 2003), producing disorganized and unstable mental representations, which further destabilize and fragment affect, perception, and behavior. Thus, dissociation results when extreme stressors necessitate a lasting split of the integrated relationship between self-preservation and selfregulation. (Dissociation and Dissociative Disorders, DSM-V and Beyond - Paul F Dell)

But towards the end of therapy parts, even when activated, are able to act in a way that benefits the stability of the shared life, preventing further dissociation and division between parts.

It is when one part, who wants to deny our condition to prevent thinking about our trauma, accepts that our multiple nature is integral to who we are and how one of our closest relationships function and in accepting this allows for us to carve spaces in our life to exist as a system. To take off the mask. To stop hiding.

To march and state boldly I Am Also A We.

There are times where we worry about using the term "Plural". We view our condition through a lens of psychopathology and constantly try to justify our existence through reading psychology textbooks and working with our therapist and constantly justifying.

We play by the rule books written for us and about us but not by us. Not by others like us. Well... mostly.

One of the quoted books in this essay is from Jamie Marich who is openly a diagnosed dissociative system. Her book is written from an insiders perspective there to promote love and acceptance. I selected her quote at the top of this post with care. She does get it. Got Parts? Is also written by collaborators with DID sharing lived experience.

There are so many things which divide us as people who experience plurality. There is syscourse raging in Tumblr inboxes Just Asking Questions about whether a person should be diagnosed to openly present as a system, there is fakeclaiming trying to witch hunt those who really have a CDD and those who are "roleplaying", the tone policing in support communities that admonish anyone who glorifies or fetishizes that which is a hard to live with disorder...

Over the years we internalized many of these narratives ourselves. We lived in fear of scrutiny, worried for the day we were exposed as Not Traumatized Enough, Not Performing Our Disability Correctly, Not Divided Enough or a number of other accusations.

We still are. It's terrifying to think that at any point someone could just deny all of our truth and no amount of paperwork, testimony or evidence would be able to make us any more legitimate than we already are.

In some regards we shouldn't be proud of being who and what we are. The fact that there is always going to be a part of us stuck in London reliving the worst experiences of our life is not a source of pride.

But we survived.

We survived. We kept one another alive. The part that needed to be an adult when we were a child kept us safe. The part that needed to seal off our heart kept us safe. The part that kept our emotions alive kept us safe. The part that pretended to be what our abuser wanted us to be kept us safe... and yes. The part that handled erotic concepts kept us safe.

We survived and we protected one another and we are the only Family who have been here the whole time. Experienced everything. Shared in all the pleasures and all the joys. We survived. And we will continue to... but not we're not surviving anymore. We're living. And we choose to live together. We choose to be 5 and 1. We are an I.

I am proud of that and this show helped us feel just a little bit more confident in saying that outloud. We are plural... and there is no shame in that. None at all.

-

Forgive me for the less than stellar work on this one. This essay was more a vehicle to talk about positive integration and use the show as a framing device for the topic. Plus I just wanted to be a bit Plural Pride because the show made a compelling argument as to why I should be.

The promised Act 6 of In Stars and Time essay and the Umineko follow-up essay are both in the research phase. Act 6 of ISaT is looking at characters who share a common history and I want to make sure I have some good examples without treading on other creators I respect's toes and the Umineko follow-up requires replaying all of Chapter 7 of that game and it's a long one.

Media, Myself and I is a series of Tumblr Essays for positive depictions of dissociative disorders.

Other essays include:

Time Loops and Dissociation (In Stars and Time) A History of Murder Alters Discworld and Plurality Incidental, intentional and accidental representation Gender, Dissociation and Clinical Stigma in The Third Person Recontextualized Memories in Umineko Derealization in Night in the Woods and Metal Gear Solid The Dangers of Hypnotic Personality Play in Penlight System Origins in The Incredible Hulk Relationships with Systems in The Incredible Hulk The Healing Journey in Mr. Robot

[lucy-westenra-deserved-better]

Everyone appreciating Jonathan and Mina’s relationship fills me with a joy I cannot describe. Like YES FINALLY YOU GET IT

[sophsicle]

What are your thoughts on those who romanticize Snape, specifically his actions with the Death Eaters, and the way he treated the Marauders and (eventually) Harry?

(Yes, this is me hoping for a rant. I just love hearing your thoughts!)

Listen, LISTEN, You don't even understand how like 85% of my personality for so long was ranting about how garbage Severus Snape is. My best friend could tell you horror stories about being at parties where someone casually mentions him and I just go off . I kinda covered a lot of my thoughts about why Snape is ultimately irredeemable here (specifically more irredeemable than Regulus and Draco so I'm not gonna address that in this rant, tho I still definitely repeat some of this stuff, but if you're interested it's there) Okay, lets get into it. Snape falls into this weird trope in Western literature where a male character being in love with a woman somehow redeems him of all his past wrongs. Like the bar is so low for men that a man has one feeling one time for someone who isn't himself and we're all like "aw, how can you be mad at him, he loves her?"

First and foremost, I don't believe that Snape loves Lily, I think he's Jay-Gatsby-levels obsessed with her, but I don't think he loves her. None of his actions signify love. Especially, and I cannot stress this enough because I just feel like this moment tells you everything you need to know about Severus Snape, when he goes to Dumbledore and asks him to save Lily and doesn't give shit what happens to James and Harry. And I know, people are like, "Well, that's understandable, he hates James" which, sure. It is understandable, if all he cares about is himself. But Lily loves James and Harry, and it just shows how little thought he puts into her wants and needs and desires. His "love" for Lily actually has very little to do with her. Now, on the one hand, you can't really blame people for romanticizing Snape because JKR romanticizes Snape so they're just feeling what the narrative is telling them to feel. On the other hand, we spend six fucking books watching Snape abuse children, children who, I might add, are already traumatized. Now we can argue all you want about how he's a kid when he's running around calling Lily slurs and joining the Death Eaters and him coming from an unstable home and eventually switching sides, because sure, as may be evident from the fic I'm writing, I think you could present that in a way that is mildly understandable and sympathetic (could but don't necessarily have to, that goes for Regulus too). But for me, it is the way he treats Harry, Neville, and Hermione after the war, when he is a full grown ass adult, that makes him truly abhorrent.

And I will never understand why finding out he was friends with / pined after Lily makes any of that better? Like people go on and on about that Chapter in Deathly Hollows (The Prince's Tale??) but like, tbh that backstory is irrelevant to me, besides maybe the stuff about his home life. Setting up his villain origin story to be Lily Evans and James Potter getting together is the least effective way JKR could have tried to make me feel sorry for him. He treated Lily like shit, she called him on it, he did not want to change, she walked away. She got with James, who yeah, was an entitled prick sometimes but did want to change. I always think the best way to compare James and Snape is by looking at Snape's friendship with Lily and James's friendship with Remus. Both Snape and James had friends facing bigotry and who were vulnerable in the Wizarding world and James moved heaven and earth, broke laws, performed wildly advanced magic, shared his time and shared his resources, to help Remus in every way he possibly could. And Snape joined the bigots. And y'all know I love a complicated character, but Snape literally isn't complicated. He has one motivation for everything he does and that's his obsession with Lily. I hate when people defend the way he treats Harry by saying "well, Harry reminds him of James" or the way he treats Hermione by saying "well Hermione reminds him of Lily" or the way he treats Neville because "if Voldemort had just killed Neville instead Lily would still be alive" like what. What. What are those justifications? You don't get to take out your anger on these children. You just don't. Like I don't care that you have feelings you're still a gross guy. I think in order to see Snape as anything but a sad little man you have to ignore six books worth of actions. Actions perpetrated by an adult with full knowledge of what these children were going through. Romanticizing Snape requires signing off on child abuse and that's the most fucked up bit for me. And all of that is just what we see. Snape fans love to gloss over the time Snape very willingly spent as a Death Eater. But he is not just a casual supporter of Voldemort (which would still be bad!), he is in his inner circle, he has the Mark. And unlike Draco or Regulus who have family involved with Voldemort and therefore pulling strings to get them into the inner circle, Snape doesn't have nepotism to fall back on here. He gets that close to Voldemort through his own hard work (like credit where credits due booboo) and he doesn't switch sides in the end because he has a "come to Jesus" moment about blood supremacy, he switches because he wants to get with Lily Evans. All of that suggests he was doing some pretty terrible things for a while there that you can't just ignore. I think, as a general rule, it's best not to romanticize anyone, like I do my best not to romanticize Regulus, not to pretend that he was perfect. Because he wasn't. But the thing with Snape is there is just so much canon content where he is indefensibly terrible that I don't understand how we let JKR convince us that this man is some kind of unsung hero? Like okay, he's not a monster. Sure, I guess. Fine. But shit, if the best thing we can say about him is he's not a monster maybe we should stop sticking "Always" on everything like Lily and Snape were some sort of love story because they absolutely were not and pretending otherwise completely denies Lily of all her autonomy. That's like watching the Sound of Music and thinking Rofl and Liesl should have been end game like bish??? are we watching the same movie????

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

What do you think of JM’s updated Spotify? I don’t normally read into things, but his song choices makes me sad. “At my worst” “I can’t be myself (excuse me while I cry) & “When was it over?” With the lyrics “was it that fight we didn’t have when I came in? Was it the first time you saw me drunk? Second time I said I’m sorry?” It sounds like a replay of Vmins dumpling incident and it worries me. JM looked off in the recent live, almost sad and pouty lately. Do you think I’m over analyzing it?

Admin 1: The short answer to this would be: yes, you are over analyzing things.

The longer one would be that, for example, Pink Sweat$'s At My Worst isn't a sad song, it's actually the exact opposite. It's a very cute and romantic song. Just look at the first verse:

Can I call you baby? Can you be my friend? Can you be my lover up until the very end? Let me show you love, oh, no pretend Stick by my side even when the world is caving in, yeah

I'd actually argue this kinda sounds like a mixture between Sweet Night and Friends when it comes to the sentiment of those words. I’ve seen some people even claim that this will replace Ed Sheeran’s romantic songs that have so far been used at every wedding ever because of how sweet it is.

Then we have Justin Bieber’s I can’t be myself which I believe you probably only looked at the title and jumped to conclusions because, again, this isn’t a sad song either. The lyrics are more about how Justin (or whoever) cannot be himself when you (I’d guess he likely means his wife) isn’t by his side, thus wanting to say that he is happiest and most himself when they are together. It’s sweet and lovely, not sad.

I could travel any place But without you, it's just runnin' around (Girl, I'm just runnin' around) They could open Heaven's gates But without you, I'm just stuck in the clouds (Yeah, yeah)

Lastly, from the songs you specifically highlighted, is Sasha Sloan’s when was it over? which yes, I’ll admit this one is a sad song about not being able to let go even though you know there is nothing left. The song though has a very calm sound, something you’d listen to in the evening, and something I could see both him and Tae like listening to, not because Jimin relates to the lyrics but because it’s simply a pretty song.

On my current playlist I have Stromae’s Formidable, a song about a heartbroken man getting wasted after a breakup. I’ve neither gotten my heart broken nor am I sad and yet I still love this song because it’s just a really good song. Sometimes that’s the only reason we need to listen to a song. Nothing more to it.

All that to say that I don’t believe there is any correlation whatsoever to be made here, especially since Tae and Jimin look more than happy in recent months (did you notice Jimin happily smiling at Tae during their most recent performance of Butter for Colbert at the beginning of their subunit dance?) and there is nothing that could indicate to us that something went wrong between them, or that Jimin could be sad or something bad going on with him. I mean, look at JKs playlist and the fact that he has Billie Eilish’s Your Power on it, applying your thought process, does that mean that JK is trying to tell us he went through something similar to Billie? That he is sad? Or do you think he simply recommended that song because he likes Billie’s music? The last one seems the most likely, doesn’t it?

So, to sum it all up, there is absolutely no need to worry, seriously.

Admin 2: In the evenings, when it's very quiet and my big city has fallen asleep, I really enjoy listening to Sweet Night. I also like to go back to 4 O'Clock from time to time (although I know I will cry). Does that mean I missed my chance in life to be with my beloved? No and no again! I've never been in a situation like this, I wasn't unhappy or "fragily" in love, no one abandoned me or cheated on me. I listen to these songs because I love them. They match the mood of the evening and calm me down despite the sad lyrics and let me fall asleep peacefully.

I am a person who listens to a lot of songs from the past; Songs that remind me of situations, remind me of years of studying, enable me to relive certain situations.

Dear Anon, thank you very much for your question (confession), but I admit that I see it as "looking for some kind of backdoor" so to speak, a way to create a loophole and deny everything after all.

I don't know who you are, I don't know if you really are a Vminnie, but I think you are clinging to any possibility of a situation to undermine the reality or existence of Vmin. That's how I see it, if I offend you, I apologize. The more we get new materials about Tae and Jimin every day, like them being cute in the McDonald's behind the scenes, the more such "sad thoughts" we get sent to us through asks every day.

Firstly, I'm not sure if Jimin (and Taehyung) is fluent enough in English to capture the accuracy of the lyrics and understand its message. Of course, you can translate it, but for that to happen first the song has to catch your attention, and usually it's the melody and the overall feeling of a song that does it, and not the lyrics. And that is the point!

I think Jimin picked these tracks because he simply likes them. Perhaps he first paid attention to the melodies and the mood and only then understood the lyrics sometime later.

A lot of people (including me) hear some kind of song instead of another because they are intrigued by the melody or the association with a particular situation. The mood that fits the moment, the weather, the time of day or many other things which lead us to choose this song and not another.

Maybe Jimin and Taehyung were driving at night and listening to the song on the radio, maybe they were in a romantic mood back then, just having dinner together or taking a half bath together. Ha ha, I know I am deceiving and romanticizing what I am saying to reflect the vast possibilities and reasons why you listen to music like this and no other. Jimin putting together this list of songs for his spotify playlist doesn't mean he listens to it all the time, every day, but that he has the songs he likes on his list and chose the ones he wants to hear right now, or that he thought ARMY could like.

Of course, I'm sure he listens to very different songs during exercising than the one lying in bed before falling asleep. Maybe he's listening to this list, just like we hear the songs from BTS? We know individual words after repeating them several times, and we generally know (as we decide to read translations) what is going on in a particular song, but we don't understand all the words accurately. Not all of us are in the same situation as described in a particular song, but still we listen to it because we like it, because BTS sings it, because we are waiting for a solo from Suga etc. etc. etc.

For some time now we have been seeing (I see) Vmin happy, even very happy, as if "after the night the day came and after the storm came peace" (by the way, these are the words of one of my favorite songs), I have the impression that Vmin have finished fighting all their fights and they are just happy now, finally. Taehyung looks like a million dollars, he's literally glowing and far more lively than he was a year ago.

To him, Jimin is like smooch like butter and someone he likes the most. Taehyung is a handsome and hot chingu for Jimin who he also likes him the most as well. Tell me dear Anon, where is there room for fear and doubt in the love they share? Why and on what basis do you suspect that Vmin has broken up, or is having problems, or that either of them is unhappy? Besides, if one of them has an off day or is simply tired after a packet schedule and thus doesn't look as animated, why is that immediately read as "Jimin and Tae aren't together anymore" or "they are drifting apart" when chances are far more likely that it has nothing to do with their bond? Based on the playlist, or based on Vlive, or maybe based on both of these events, what is the correlation?

I've seen the Vlive. To tell the truth, I didn't see a sad and pouty Jimin there. Instead, I saw Taehyung smiling and content, and Jimin smiled and admired Tae's new hairstyle. I watched the latest BTS interviews. Vmin stared at each other, Jimin stared at Tae with a big smile that only grew in size and the two communicated with their eyes.

Jimin caressed Taehyung's back/butt in the Butter MV making Episode and said there’s butter here (though it wasn’t translated in the subs).

In the McD ad they were together and standing next to each other, even with Jimin resting his head on Tae's shoulder and then Jimin eating Tae's chicken nugget from his hand.

Honestly, I don't know what else Vmin would have to do to keep people from doubting their bond and happiness. They have shown us so much, I think they have reached the limit of what can be said without saying it bluntly.

Most importantly, this is a very interesting situation as we have never had as much "dubious news/content" (not meant negatively at all) as we have now after Taehyung's interview with his ‘confession’/clarification about Sweet Night. To me it smells a bit like someone wants to cause fear or plant the seed of doubt, or be like a trojan horse with the underlying idea of course being that "well...we must be wrong" even though there’s no reason for us to believe/think that.

[sunlessea]

how secret can one claim the unspoken to be, when it is not an experience indicative to only one individual? god or kindred, he supposes it does not matter in the end  :  their hearts, souls, even, though he has not felt his in so very long — had sought the same. in the very same breath he'd begged for deliverance, so too had he sobbed 'pon this altar and cried for the ivory dove to save him, to grant peace to his broken, unbeating heart, though perhaps their methods of achieving it had meant different. the gods had handed the elegiast a quill among their glorious heavens, but all florian had asked for had been an olive branch. a hand, a shoulder, something warm to rest 'pon the chill of his painful unlife. the ivory dove had not needed to ask for deliverance for the two of them to have walked a similar path, and it shows in how his own expression softens, lips pulled into a subtle frown, because he can feel it just the same, that tired ache in his body. whatever he had been before, this man made god, he had become so radiant, and oh, the kindred he'd turned to lovingly had become so very abyssal.  "the earth betrayed me, and the hells are where my soul was stolen to. the heavens were all i had left. i'm not sure if peace is what i want, too. i don't know what i want. i just..."  he trails off, gaze faltering, away from his face as he looks  ...  anywhere else. what had he wanted? for all the elegiast had suffered, at least he had known what to pray for. no matter, too, how similar they may be  ...  they are also so very different.

he seems as if he is leading into something, attempting to find a connection between their own lives, as if that is what was intended  ...  however, in the end, he chooses to stay silent, and unlock most who walked among mortal men, give him the last word. he does not seek competition. he seeks understanding, and in the end, that is what he is always given from him, even when he does not deserve it. perhaps it should shock him more, to hear speak of gods who do not believe in the heavens. but his expression hardly changes, where he looks to the altar that sits off to their side, chipped from a time past when his very own hands had taken hammer to it. even broken, it is covered in flowers and music, now. the ivory dove he'd prayed to may have condemned the heavens, but he did not condemn them, in spite of it all.

his hands clutch again at his chest, but it's the elegiast's fingertips that turn his attention back to him. were he not such a lifeless creature, he'd had more tears to shed, he thinks. the remnants of what he had already still cling to his lashes. still can he only watch him with emotion overwhelming his countenance, lips pressing together 'gainst dove's admission. again, phantom heartbeats pound 'gainst his chest. part of him believes he should have expected him to say that. most of him had not.  "it was you who offered me peace, each time i ripped at my seams,"  he murmurs, his voice breaking.  "i was always happy just to be with you. i never thought—the idea those feelings could've been mutual were just a dream. you've the audacity to stand here now as i fall apart yet again and confess to me they were not."  the way his words fall apart into a sigh indicate he is joking, though the sentiment is so very honest. he cannot imagine a world in which he had brought someone more peace than the heavens. but here he stands before a god who would claim the very same. and he is so thankful, in a way that goes beyond such of having his prayers mentioned.  "so far beyond me are these romanticisms, i had not even thought to pray for them..."  a great irony, he thinks. a beautiful one.  "and still you saw me when no one else did. dove  ...  it was never that your signs weren't enough. i wasn't enough. but regardless of where we disagree, you mistake the fact that you'd have needed to ask for my faith, heart, me. i was already yours. you did more for me than—"  he cuts off, presses his lips together, and looks down to the flute clutches 'gainst his heart.  "you heard me. that was  ...  enough. to fall in love with me despite how cruel i was to you, even as you listened  ...  i wish i could have brought you an easier peace."

bemoan his own value as he may, he is genuine in his confession. had he known the future, perhaps he would have been kinder, gentler with how he'd addressed the deity who watched over him. and yet, he supposes it would not have played out this way, had he not been. even still, his heart asks for forgiveness where his voice does not. it is not the time, between such heartfelt admissions.  "you'll not scare me away, if that is what you fear,"  he murmurs, too bashful then to meet his eye.  "it's true i don't see myself as worthy of any love, be it divine or unholy. but i've no desire, either, to push away something i want. i—i want to stay, i..."  regardless of whether he is nothing or everything, worthy or not, selfish or simply in love... oh, but it would hurt. to rewrite his entire worldview, of himself, of his people  ...  it would hurt.  "i love you..."  his voice is weak, hoarse, and he does not look up from the ground as the dove circles him then, even as he wraps his arms 'round their waist and feels his chest 'gainst their back, then feel so very unsteady. their eyes close, and the nausea they feel then is indicative of how quickly their heart would be racing were it able to do so.  "there are times when i am certain i have come off as if i did not. or times i seem unsure, or flighty, or—"  he knows, in the end, the impressions he gives.  "but i do love you. i want—i want love that spans eternity. i am not above dreaming, no matter how soulless a creature i may be."  this, too, against the kindred, he believes.  "to call yourself selfish over love! you're unbelievable."  he laughs, and it is such a strangled sound, but he cannot sob any longer.  "for all i offered the ivory dove, i suppose it was never truly faith. i trust you. however broken i will be before i find myself once again whole  ...  i trust you, with the pieces of my heart. such as it is, unbeating and undead. there's nothing beautiful about it, but  ...  treat it kindly. it is not the first time it will have been broken. nor even the second."

it'd be humiliating, then, to have his real dreams brought into this conversation, were he not sure the teasing was warranted. his expression still twists to one of embarrassment and he can only groan, free hand brought back to himself to cover his deathly cold cheeks. they'd be warm if they could be, he certainly wishes a second death 'pon himself, then.  "like my fairytale princes, yes..."  he is certain he can hear a couple of doves cooing up there. pure mockery, that. he'd fry them, had he not turned over a new leaf. his lamenting would not ruin this moment, though, so he gives in, the tension draining from his body. he feels  ...  so very exhausted.  "i dreamt of white horse carriages when i was a child. now i'd be happy just to turn into a pumpkin, i think."  his smile saddens, but he half turns to face him, examines his expression and finds lack of joking in it as the elegiast flusters himself. well. there's that, then. princes oft did march to marriage, didn't they? rather ruins his way of hiding in his hair, but that's what he gets, trying to keep secret his own blush after spending this long flustering them. it's only fair. summer's exhaustion, then, is almost graceful in how he regards him, shockingly tranquil. his chest aches, though he doesn't show it. if it weren't for how tightly he held onto him now, he thinks he'd be able to turn to him fully.  "us? marry? like the princes in my stories?"  it's only half mockery, but the tone is lighthearted.

he is not for lack of being surprised, or taken aback. but seeing how the other man melts so, his eyes almost feel misty again. there's anxiety and excitement in spades, and his fingers tap at the buttons 'pon the flute in shy distraction.  "never in the entirety of my life, mortal or undead, has man or woman indicated they would wish for my hand. for as much as i read such romance to exhaustion in my books, being faced with that possibility is... terrifying. but i do want that. i..."  his expression is soft, his voice quiet.  "i don't know what to do, now that i stand in position of things i'd only imagined in passing. i... wouldn't mind, if you asked me properly for my hand one day. i may be frightened, though. being loved so deeply by you scares me. when all i have is my life to lose, there is nothing to be lost. if i have your heart to lose—... that is worth everything, what it means to me."

he takes a deep breath, steels himself not to collapse, and pushes himself out of his grasp. briefly, he approaches the ivory dove's altar and plucks one of the rolled up papers he'd had on display. holding it in one hand, he takes the god's in his other, and begins to lead him out of the greenhouse, and into the nearly quiet streets of london's lodgings district.  "i'll take you elsewhere, as you'd asked."  as he had, not so vocally, promised. holding his hand then, he pulls him forward, but in doing so, still spares him a glance. they do not make it far before he stalls him, just for a moment. it seems, after all, he is not quite done. rather than immediately acknowledge him, he stares out at the stretch of london's darkened sidewalks, then turns to him with some effort to reach up. his fingers wrap 'round his tie, then, and tug him down rather gently so that, by pushing up 'pon the tips of his toes, he is able to press a kiss, chaste as it is, to the corner of his lips.

how indeed, can he claim to be undeserving—when the god he'd bowed his head to, speaking prayers of both deliverance and forgiveness to whoever might hear, stands before him? they're lucky, he thinks, to not catch the scrutinizing eye of the ivory dove as his narrow, gold light glimmering behind. less lucky, then, to miss his amusement : the soft exhale where he cannot hold back his short chuckles, a sigh, the playful curl of his lip. the things he says are so curious, like most devotees tend to be : but they're so incredibly special, beyond that. " would you like to hear a secret, cher? " his voice is gruff, still, words rasping where they catch at awkward angles. better that he rarely speaks above whisper, he doesn't think he could manage it. instead, he smiles, continues without pause. " i've never quite believed in the heavens myself. a bitter sort of irony. " the quirk in his lip doesn't fade, even as he shakes his head, scoffs, smiles a little wider. such a far gone memory, of when he hadn't yet taken residence within one of many heavens, lost his self but not his mind. the glory hadn't yet stripped him of that. " what i asked for ... was rest. peace, rather. when you've lived as many lives as i have, it's hard to want for much of anything after a while. you understand to some degree, i imagine. but i was fallible, like most anything else, and i wanted regardless. i'd seen enough. lived enough, cursed to bear the weight of witnessing the tragedy of humanity. i wanted relief, and they handed me a quill. " it is a little uncanny, how casually he speaks of a past even the glory had forgotten : he was not taken by bright light, however radiant he stands now in a city so far underground. " that prayer was never answered. no god came to me, no relief then from the curse of memory. i was found, but not saved. if peace is too what you seek, i would not look towards the heavens. " it is not lost on him, the weight saying as much imparts upon him, someone who once had called 'pon his name with reverence. the ivory dove is not cruel, perhaps, kinder still, but he is too terribly honest for his own good. but he speaks naught of the glory's secrets, only his own, of the man he was and the flickerings of memory that remain from him. " that said ... i did find rest, at last. a moment's bliss between the rabble of restless minds. you might be curious as to where, or when, considering all i have just condemned. "

if it is honesty they are exchanging, then this is the most romantic truth. he stops picking at clothing creases long enough to lean forward, reach over to press fingertip 'neath their chin, encourage it to raise and meet his smiling features. " never have i felt such peace as i have when i have laid with you. " similarly, the sentiment is hardly lost 'pon him : he would blush, were it he had some sense of shame to feel in his admission, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. unabashedly honest is he, with his bleeding heart that races, it's echoing beat only muffled by the the sound of their voice.

" i may not be kindred, nor kine, " there's a slight scrunch to his nose, however much amusement reflects in his steady gaze. this close, he need not raise his voice, and thankful is he for it ; besides the soreness, it feels so much more intimate then to murmur sweet truths over nothings, words meant only for them two to hear. what secrets would the pigeons share, that he hadn't already heard aplenty of with their love? they may yet coo and caw all they so pleased, he's nothing to be embarrassed of! and neither too does the one he may as well have gifted the heart from his chest : he imagines they would cradle it just as gently. his finger trails from their chin to chest, a slow path down their neck 'fore his hand drops entirely, overlays their own. " —and i think it is for the better i am neither, for the sake of what it is i ask of you. your faith, your heart, you in your entirety. ours is a future i did not foresee—for the explicit purpose of allowing it to unravel as it pleased, to see what would come of us, if my signs where not then enough, hoping that by a miracle beyond miracles you would see myself as i am, and desire for it anyway. " his hand curls over theirs, loosely laces their fingers against the paradoxical cold-hot of the instrument forged by fire herself. his voice, then, drops to a note almost melancholy. " you worried if you weren't enough, and i worry if i've done enough to prove my intent. i grew fond of you ... beyond reason, and realized thereafter it was love. i did not want to chase for it, but i heard your prayers, and i ... "

he's entirely unused to the anxiety that pools, leaves a less pleasant ache behind his worn ribs. it hurts, but the pain stems from yearning, of years 'pon years of loneliness and silence unbroken. he'd resigned himself to not wanting for company, such was his fate, but the thought occurs to him then, amid the twisting pang of his heart broken and mended and thrumming in endless melody, that perhaps fate could be still be unwritten, made anew. his whispers feel more urgent, when he finds the words for them. " i came to realize there is naught i wouldn't do, to keep you. i love you, truly, i fear even asking what i do may somehow be too much and still not enough, but i would be proud to spend eternity with you at my side. " he closes his eyes, breathes out the tension as he pulls himself away, posture straightening, moving so he can stand behind them 'stead to wrap his arms around him. it isn't necessarily that he feels unsteady, but the rush of anxiety was ... new. exhilarating less so, overwhelming entirely. being yet a god made from man, he cannot tell if it is a blessing or curse that the glory then had not taken his heart. " if having faith in my heart, the love we have built, calls for you then to tear your own to pieces, i will gather them as they fall, help you put them back into place, born and beating life anew. your faith is all i ask, for all i could want is you. permit me this once, to be selfish yet again. "

this might be the first time he's ever lamented the gap 'tween their heights : even holding them, he has to lean somewhat awkwardly, and he imagines there is no pleasant strain in the way they have to stretch up to even brush their fingers 'gaist his cheek. still, he squeezes him a little tighter, leans the slightest bit further down so he can rest his cheek in their palm. he hadn't even noticed his eyes had fluttered closed taking in the feeling of their gentle touch until he heard them again, but his disappointment is minimal at best. however much sadness reflects is countered by the sympathetic warmth of his smile, and he nods. " like your fairytale princes, then? there must be a place better suited ... what is it you'd dream of? there's so many stories to choose from. " there's humor in it, however serious the offer : the places he frequented most were hardly suited either, if pigeons weren't the most suitable audience, then the gods he so oft gossiped with were surely worse. alas, he doesn't get out much ; summer will have to forgive him, for how very sheltered from the wider world he still was.

it's not that request that startles him, makes the slightest hint of red dust across his cheeks - he is not embarrassed at what he'd asked, no, not as much as he is embarrassed for being called out for it. he bows his head lower, nestles his cheek instead against their hair, a pitiful attempt to hide and draw his own gaze away. " ah—well, yes, i— ... " oh, how is he supposed to explain this ... he suspects no matter what way he words it, it is bound for some degree of explanation. " of course, i don't mean in the present moment, but i had assumed that eventually we might ... marry? that is what couples traditionally do, is it not? and we are together, so ... " is he squeezing him too tightly? he's not exactly in any position to be wringing his hands together, and the inflection in his voice making it crack is probably more embarrassing than the confession itself. " i'd like to ask for your hand, one day. when the time is right for it. would you mind then, when that time comes? "

[thequibblah]

directors cut for WTRF? 🥺👉👈 not biased at all obviously just objective third party asking for a directors cut hmmm hmmmmm

literally how could u do this every other word in that fic is an easter egg i can't shut up about..... bestie u are about to have regrets

one thing u should know is that 90% of things in this fic have real-world equivalents and its not even like....... hidden equivalents. serie primo = serie a, for instance. this trend is going to continue and i won't apologise <3

fun fact i named the bar the Bar and the drinks after shapes because i was too lazy to come up with something actually clever

this bit

I’m grinning to myself by the time she approaches my table.

was a very intentional fakeout and if you read this and thought "she" would be lily, feel free to sue me for emotional damages

the biggest conundrum of this AU was, how are jily not going to have met in school when magic exists? the solution was, of course, having multiple magic schools. but i couldn't let one of them have hogwarts, that didn't seem fair. i know i did sort of let lily have it..... but i felt more comfortable making hogwarts a university so there was a legit reason why james wasn't there and in gryffindor (if he'd gone he absolutely would have been)

once solved, i did the fun thing of naming them! ottaline gambol's was easy, i just scrolled through the list of ministers for magic and picked a progressive one. peverell hall was a whim, made all the funnier when lily's reaction is:

Much was made at Otty’s — one of the more progressive magical schools, named for one of the more progressive Ministers of Magic — of schools like Peverell Hall and St. George’s. The latter, I know, is chock-full of pureblooded elite. Peverell Hall is supposed to be slightly better, but still.

dang, it's gonna be funny if she ever finds out james is a descendant of the guy it's named after

fun fact, i included this because peter's question was a real thought i had when reading bond and free, your inspiring writing knows no limits:

The first thing you conjure in Walking Wombat is a yellow quill... “Why yellow?” Peter asked. Eddie gave him a strange look. “Why not?”

i realised i'd put jily in the same conundrum they had in tis the fucking season here:

It’s only then that I remember she’s just bought us drinks. I turn back to my triangle. “Oh, shit.” I suppose I can pawn it off on one of the others.

...but of course the resolution is rather different, and i do so enjoy a james with no filter (aka default james)

I briefly lose control of my brain and my tongue. “Is it too soon to say I’m in love with you?”

by the way, no-filter james will be a theme. wild things sure do run fast but not as fast as this boy runs his mouth!

also, another interesting challenge here was making sure james has a reason to be the way he is in AU. i love playing around with james's childhood/background and seeing how that affects his character while (hopefully!) staying true to who he is. i did that in ttfs by having him move around a lot and not meet the marauders until after the flashback timeline, which is why he's less of a git — he doesn't have the level of comfort in a social setting that canon james has with hogwarts, which is basically his playground from day 2 of first year lol

here, james was probably a fkn nightmare all through school, but of course he gets a big ego check when his quidditch career is derailed. i imagine his years in italy as a continuation of that humility lesson.

I will fully admit I used to be a cocky prick. This is what comes of being a kid who grew up with everything. But one useful thing that the whole fiasco four years ago taught me is humility. I’ve learned how to ask nicely for another chance.

and so much of writing him in wtrf is juggling that typical confidence with the insecurity/fear of losing something he's invested so much in (and has seen slip away before). it's really new to me, because typically i give lily uncertain life circumstances, but i suppose it's both of them in this AU.

the car thing was... i swear didn't start out as smutty, it was purely because i wanted a way to establish lily as muggleborn in a world where the connotations of not having magical parents is very different. more to come on that!

also, come to think of it, by this metric...

I’m now in dangerous territory, since that adds another impressive action to her running tally.

...i think james is already in love with her LOL

this bit:

The street is considered indecent and the downstairs hallway would have our landlady come running at once, so if it pleases Your Honour, we would recommend the sitting room sofa.

...was actually because in draft one lily was a lawyer, but then it was funny enough that i didn't want to take it out, but NOW i realise it makes it sound a little like she's addressing james as your honour, which.... hm. but anyway, we move on

Marc Bolan begs us to get it on through the stereo, vocalising my thoughts exactly.

the song here was initially "you shook me" (h/t @keepingupwithpotters) but i chickened out because zeppelin is SO horny dfjkhgkjs

also, it gave me so much joy to read everyone reacting to lily thinking about her ex (the general vibe was "who the fuck is this guy!!! ew!!!!") — rest assured (or, unassured??) that he has a part to play in all this. anyway, this is one of my fave lines:

He’s just a person, and there’s such a relief in sleeping with James and not the myth of a guy.

because as any come together reader knows....

Just James. Just James. It was never just James.

wtrf lily will learn!

literally the whole world knows i'm obsessed with needle drops that have no subtlety at all, but this one...

We just laugh, tangled together in a sweaty heap, as “Heaven Is in the Back Seat of My Cadillac” plays through the car’s speakers. “On the nose, isn’t it?” James says, sitting up.

...was pure luck, because i was looking up the top hits on the uk singles chart for the week(ish) this scene takes place in so that i could find a song that would realistically play on the radio, saw this, and was like omg the stars really do align

i feel like the thing i enjoy most about writing romance is the importance i get to place in noticing/looking/observing (and sometimes, not noticing!). it's just such a powerful but simple writerly tool, and god knows i am obsessed with pithy descriptions anyway, so this bit i am especially happy with:

James is already waiting, leaning against the car with his hands in his pockets. I feel as though I’m seeing him for the first time, the faint light of the flickering streetlamp catching him in profile: the strong slope of his nose, the hard line of his jaw, the curve of his smile. He studies the facade of our building with open curiosity, and I wonder what he’s looking for.

(one can only imagine james's train of thought in this moment. perhaps "ah. here lives the future love of my life"?)

“Thanks,” she tacks on at the end. I tip my head to one side in confusion. “For what?” “For, I don’t know. Being nice.” She laughs awkwardly. “I don’t do this very much.”

it wouldn't be a quibblah original tee em without some discourse to come about the nature of romantic/sexual relationships, would it? one thing i enjoy about this AU ("one thing" i say as if this isn't the billionth thing in a list) is that i get to write a romantic lily who's squaring that romanticism with what she perceives as the culture of the times. (this is a bit of a staple in all my characterisations of lily, but it is not often paired with casual sex, the complication of all complications!)

oh this bit literally wrote itself like i didn't even pause to think just vomited it out:

In the morning — and it must be early still — the sun streams through Lily’s sorry excuses for curtains with aggression that cannot be ignored. I crack open an eye to find myself sprawled out across her bed, quite literally spread-eagled. She’s attached to my side like a barnacle. Or a very pretty barnacle, anyway.

i'm especially proud of james's voice in this story. i don't often write first-person fic and i was worried how it'd turn out, but i think james as a character/narrator typically colours his own 3rd-person narration so strongly that it ended up a smoother transition than i'd feared!

also i just. i can't resist throwing in comic relief and i hope that this whole segment was a gentle enough preparation for the awkwardness that followed LOL

All of a sudden, the balcony door bursts open. I nearly drop the mug. “What the—” Mary pokes her head around the corner, sporting a righteous smile. “Morning, handsome.” Over her shoulder she shouts, “He’s on the balcony!” I blink. There’s a sound from inside the flat, as if something very large has just been dropped. Then a swear. “Oh, shit,” I say, realisation dawning, “you weren’t looking for me, were you? It’s so loud out here—” Mary cups a hand around her mouth and stage-whispers, “Lily was frantic.” She’s quite violently yanked back, and Lily herself appears in the doorway, slightly out of breath. “Should’ve checked the balcony first,” she says, and closes the door before Mary can insert herself into the space again. “Hi,” I say, which is agreed-upon best practice for greeting a woman you’ve just had fantastic sex with and ideally would like to have sex with again.

to this day i don't know what lily dropped. let's hope it wasn't expensive!

Captained the under-17 English squad at the World Cup some years back, Serie Primo’s lead goal-scorer of last year… Only an injury in what should’ve been his first season at Puddlemere mars his record. I wince reading about it and comparing it to a heap of press clippings. James Potter was hurt, and Puddlemere didn’t fancy paying for him not to play, so they shipped him off to Milan.

(you cannot imagine how much pointed interrogation of my brother it took to gather this intel.) i constantly worry that i've got dates or timelines wrong somehow — you might notice i tweaked under-17, which used to be under-19 until i realised that made no sense (even though in terms of its career importance i would much preferred it to have been u-19.... anyway). i also found out that u-17 football squads don't actually have captains but i said fuck it on that count.

but obviously i started writing this AU for the sports possibilities, only to discover i'm going to have to interfere a great deal with the Timeline (you shall see in future instalments).

god i really went through the whole fic. like i reread the whole thing to do this. here u go clare jfbghjfd

[normal-thoughts-official]

Why Joe and Nicky deserve to win the sun and moon showdown, and if they don't I'll end up in the INTERPOL Most Wanted list

A not at all dramatic essay

(This is the plain text version. To see the version with bold, italics, hyperlinks, and big text, click here)

1. Not only do they canonically use moon imagery to refer to each other, but their context adds new symbolism to that metaphor that other duos don't have

If you haven't seen TOG and aren't familiar with the van speech, well, I recommend that you do, but I'll transcribe it for your convenience:

"He's not my 'boyfriend'. This man is more to me than you can dream. He's the moon when I'm lost in darkness and warmth when I shiver in cold. And his kiss still thrills me even after a millennium. His heart overflows with the kindness of which this world is not worthy of. I love this man beyond measure and reason, he's not my 'boyfriend'. He's all and he's more"

Yeah, pretty long way of saying "actually we're husbands", but let's focus on the "he's the moon when I'm lost in darkness" bit. That bit alone is already insanely romantic and enough to make us fans go rabid with this tournament, but there is an extra layer of romanticism to it, because Mr Yusuf al-Kaysani (aka Joe) is Muslim, and in Islam, the moon represents the guidance of Allah through life, the calendar is based on the moon cycles, and the brightness of the moon is compared to both the face of the Prophet Muhammad and the first batch of souls to enter Paradise. Therefore, the moon, in Joe's culture, is intrinsecally linked with the divine, guidance, holiness, and time

So, when Joe compares Nicky to the moon, he's not only saying that he brings light into a dark world; he is saying that he is the very guiding light that leads him to a blessed life, that he is the foundation through which the world and time can be understood, and that his beauty and holiness is comparable to that of the souls of Heaven themselves

Which is all already enough for me to bite through wood, but the specific relationship between the moon and the understanding of time in Joe's culture is also particularly meaningful for Joe and Nicky, because Joe and Nicky are two of the 5 people who are immortal in the entire world. And one of the core themes of the movie is how that sense of timelessness leads them to isolation, and a constant state of loss. There is a deep melancholy that permeates their entire existence due to the fact that time as we know it no longer makes sense to them, and they live outside of it, skirting around eras and history. So, by comparing Nicky to the very body that marked the passage of time for Joe, he is saying that Nicky is what helps him make sense of the impossible, that he is the constant in Joe's eternity, that he brings meaning to their confusing and sometimes alienating existence

But wait! There's more!

Because Joe and Nicky met in al-Quds (also known as Jerusalem) in the year 493 AH (also known as 1099 CE in the Gregorian Calendar) and had to travel together across the desert for a long time, which means that, for the first few years of their life together, they were in fact relying on the moon to guide them in their path. So they both have a deep intrinsic understanding of how the moon is a compass, the most reliable thing in uncertainty. And the moon has been guiding their steps, their relationship, since their paths were first joined. And they weren't separated since

Like. Listen, I'm sure Star Trek is great and its fans are lovely, and I salute the Star Trek fandom for everything it did for fandom history in general, but you cannot tell me that Spirk has this much baggage associated with the sunmoon symbolism. It just doesn't. If this were a hand touching tournament, no one would have as much symbolism linked to it than y'all, but when it comes to being the sun and moon, no one is doing it like Joe and Nicky

2. The most appealing aspect of the SunMoon dynamic is how they need to defeat all odds to be with each other, and Joe and Nicky have that in spades

"Oh I don't think that's the most ap-" IRRELEVANT. I'll talk about the other ones too. Just keep reading, okay? /joking

As you might know, Joe and Nicky met on opposite sides of a battlefield. They killed each other. (Many times). And what happened then?

They ressurrected and became immortal. That alone is already impossible, but it gets better - even for the rules of immortality in their universe, Joe and Nicky are still an impossibility that has never happened before or since

Because in The Old Guard, immortality is extremely rare. There have only ever been 7 immortals in the entire history of humanity. There are usually several millennia between the appearance of one immortal and the next one. Other than them, the shortest time gap between one immortal appearing and the next was 800 years. But Joe and Nicky became immortal at the same time, on the same day. Their very existence bends the rules of an universe that already bends the rules of the universe they lived in beforehand anyway. Joe and Nicky being together defies the very fabric of time, and if that isn't some sun and moon shit, I don't know what is

But it's not just some destiny shit either. Joe and Nicky were also not supposed to be together by other standards. For starters, they were on opposite sides of a war. Nicky was a fucking priest, and he joined the goddamn actual honest to god crusades. He was hateful and ignorant and awful, and when he chose Joe, he left behind everything he knew before him. All his certainties, his beliefs, his faith, his family, everything he had ever been taught. I'm also gonna go ahead and say that that ties into the whole "the sun is what makes the moon shine" metaphor - because everything that defines Nicky as he is now is the direct result of how meeting Joe changed him

And listen, listen to me. I'm not saying that he stopped being a bigot for Joe, because if he did, I doubt Joe would want him. He did it because it was the right thing to do, and he was wrong and ignorant and indoctrinated by the church. But he still had to make the choice to turn his back to all that, and that plain and simply would not have happened if he hadn't met Joe. It was Nicky's own effort, but meeting Joe was the catalyst

Joe, similarly, had to overcome a lifetime's worth of (well earned) resentment and hatred for what Nicky did. Joe forgiving Nicky at all is already nearly an impossibility (and he would be well within his right to never do that), but he didn't just forgive Nicky, he fell in love with him. And he chose him, well aware of how bloody and terrible his past was, and despite the fact that there is no way he wasn't deeply conflicted about what he felt for Nicky after everything the Christians put him through. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this process must have been for Joe, and it was one he didn't have to go through at all - which means that he chose to

And that's not even taking into account the very personal resentments between the two of them, because they weren't just on opposing armies, they literally and personally killed each other. Several times over. And yet, impossibly, against all logic, against everything they had ever felt and believed in prior to each other, against possibly their own desires, they fell in love. They fell in love and have been hopelessly devoted to each other every since

And THEN, on top of all that at the beginning of their relationship, they lived as an interracial, interfaith*, gay couple, through what were undoubtedly the worst times in humanity's history to be either of those things. For 900 years, they had to love each other in secret and with varying degrees of risk associated with ever being found out as a couple, or even with being associated with each other at all to begin with

(*It is debatable what their current relationship with their respective original faiths is, since it isn't mentioned in the movie. But even if both of them had turned their back on their religions, they are still culturally Christian and culturally Muslim, and that makes a difference. Personally, though, I don't think either of them turned their backs on their religions, although I do believe Nicky turned his back to the Catholic Church as an institution for obvious reasons)

That's not even counting all the incredibly traumatic shit that they went through ever since (which I won't mention in detail because it's spoilers and also this is long enough already) and that would definitely break a couple with a less unbreakable bond. Through centuries and centuries of pain and regret, they have chosen nothing and no one but each other, first and foremost, no matter what that meant.

Nicky even brings it up in the comics:

[ID: Joe and Nicky touching foreheads with their eyes closed. Nicky is holding Joe's chin and he says, "why is it so difficult, Joe? We've been afforded more time than any lovers I can name. And still, every moment we scrape together feels precious. Something always happens-" End ID]

(From the Tales Through Time one-shot series. I generally think the comics are meh and the movie is where it's at, but I do recommend reading this one. It is set before the movie happens so there are no spoilers)

There has never been a time where being together was easy, and yet, Joe and Nicky chose each other no matter what. They chose each other even when it meant being separated and getting only scraps of time together in secret. If that isn't some sun and moon shit, I don't know what is

3. They complement each other

And not in the dumb stereotypical "the sunshine one and the grumpy one" way either. For starters, Joe isn't bubbly, and Nicky isn't grumpy. No, they have two characteristics that I think represent the sun and moon way better than that anyway - Joe is an extremely intense person, and Nicky, an extremely cool headed one

Joe doesn't feel anything by halves, and despite the fact that he has lived through several lifetimes, it still seems as if everything he goes through is happening for the first time. Every time Nicky or another one of the family dies, Joe looks just as desperate as he would a millennium ago, despite the fact that he's had centuries to get used to the fact that they die and then come back to life. He's the only one who's that affected by it (obviously none of them enjoy seeing each other die, but the rest seem to have accepted to some degree that it's a part of their lives, or at least gotten used to it). He has experienced so many horrible things, yet he is still as affected and disgusted by it every time, going as far as lashing out sometimes. When he's angry, no one is able to hold him back from yelling at the person he's angry at (not even Nicky). Similarly, not even an actual van full of armed homophobic guards is able to stop him from simply dropping a passionate speech about how important Nicky is to him, complete with getting misty-eyed and kissing him at the end (and I'm not even bringing up the fact that both of them have their hands and their feet tied)

To me, that is the most sun-coded possible trait, because the sun is intense, hard to ignore, and quite literally burning. The intensity with which Joe feels also feels like it could burn, but it's also what makes him so warm and loving

Nicky is also a pretty intense person, but, unlike Joe, he is super cool headed about it. For starters, Nicky is a sniper; he is capable of staying still for hours at a time, observing, figuring out the best time to strike. That demands an amount of control over himself, his feelings, even his instincts, that is admirable. But he's not just like that on a mission; Nicky is very careful with what he says, when he speaks, what he lets other people see of him. His expressions are all subtle, contained, and even when he is in a state of murderous rage, he doesn't lash out. He doesn't lose control. The same way that the moon and the sun share their brightness, Joe and Nicky share their intensity, but Nicky is able to subdue it while Joe burns with it and lets that be his strength

Where Joe is expansive and wears his heart on his sleeve, Nicky is cautious and guarded. Where Joe gets lost in his own feelings and loses sight of what they need to do, Nicky keeps their heads straight and reminds him of what they need to do. Like the moon that guides one through the desert

They're different and complementary, but also intrinsecally tied to each other. They have the same spark where it matters, but present it in different, complementary ways. They are a part of each other, but they're also themselves first and foremost. That's what the sun and moon are all about

Sun and moon imagery has been the staple of the Joenicky fandom since day fucking 1, and for good reasons

VOTE JOE AND NICKY IN THE SUN AND MOON DUO SHOWDOWN

[wangxiandecoded]

Episode 1

Next Episode →  

(Spoilers for basically the whole show ahead!)

Me : I like watching The Untamed for the fantasy period drama plot of the show!!! 

The Plot™️ of the Show :

First Sight of Wangxian

What a tragic and iconic introduction of the main couple : Tbh this is when I knew this show was ride or die for me, I couldn't get myself to care about the over-the-top stunts or graphics that might bother some people. It made me gasp like, "a guy just went over the cliff and another guy came flying to catch him. MAGNIFIQUE! Never done before! I need MORE of this content!!!!" 

And the first word Wei Ying says on the show : Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying Remembers

The poetic cinema that is Wei Ying recognizing the Lan clan's crest in Sizhui's robes, the flood of memories starring Lan Zhan coming back to him as he falls to the ground with the sad version of WuJi playing over a flashback of the first time he ever saw him... it really be like that sometimes. (And he doesn't even know who this sweet, kind boy is yet! Add this to Lan Zhan naming Sizhui thus with his name literally meaning “to recollect and to long for”, so his existence is like a token of remembrance bringing Wangxian’s story full circle. All of this in the first few moments of the show. AAAAH!) Hang in there, Wei Ying. 

Sizhui Recognizes The Melody™️

Sizhui recognizes the tune of WuJi (ok obviously he's their son, if his dads played it while missing each other, he's going to remember it!) and we can guess Lan Zhan probably played it in the 16 years Wei Ying was gone or Wei Ying played it in his time away from Lan Zhan when A-Yuan was still a baby. In a lot of ways, this song represents the whole show and their relationship, and it makes me weep every time I hear it. 

Chén Qíng Lìng

I thought it's pretty amazing the show in Chinese is titled after the flute that belongs to the "mad defector, Yiling Patriarch", but how fucking beautifully and gloriously ironic is it that the melody Wei Ying played most often on his flute is not one that drove people mad with dark magic but the love song founded on his relationship with Lan Zhan, and composed by Lan Zhan? I think that's a great metaphor for those who romanticize the idea of “the grandmaster of demonic cultivation” and are too blind to see the heart of this story.

Wei Ying Gay Panicking and Lan Zhan Still Waiting & Hoping

That feeling when you’re gay panicking about potentially meeting the love of your life who doesn't know you’re back from the dead after 16 years because you need several eons of preparation to see him again. My heart aches for Wei Ying, and more still for Lan Zhan who never stopped looking for him or hoping he could be alive. Never seen two bigger idiots who are so meant for each other.

Wei Ying’s First Glance of Lan Zhan In 16 Years

I absolutely positively cannot stand to look at Wei Ying here. Nope. The amount of fondness radiating from his face can fuel a billion stars and invent love. I'm pretty sure it did. Also - that's what you think after seeing him for the first time since resurrection? Wei Ying, you are truly a hopeless fool in love. But you’re not wrong, he’s been mourning you.

The Arrival of The Most Romantic Hero Ever

I also love the epic Hero Entry and build-up they gave for Lan Zhan’s official introduction. Give me that cheesy trope in historical gay context! Heck yeah! Our beloved hero has arrived with pomp and ceremony to sweep the other hero off his feet, even if Wei Ying practically flees. It’s ok Lan Zhan, fate will lead you to him soon. 

Wangxian’s Immortal Abode

Have you noticed the one scene that is never missing from the opening and especially end credits? As if to foreshadow a happy ending for them. You can't convince me this isn't what awaits you at the gates of heaven. Just Wangxian enjoying eternal domestic bliss, always atop the waterfalls at the Cloud Recesses, the sound of guqin and flute always echoing together, two husbands upholding justice and staying by the other's side forever. Like they always have, will be and should be.

The One Who Knew Nothing

The first time I watched this show, the plot went over my head and I paid no attention to Nie Huaisang except to think he was funny. (Hey come on, Wangxian is the only plot we all know.) And to think he is the mastermind who orchestrated everything.. mad respect for you my dude.. I’ve never been so blindsided by a character before.

To summarise, Episode 1 introduces (in a time jump) the two heroes who will go on to share an epic journey and fall in love. We see hints of their past and how much they’ve missed each other. We’re shown just enough to be left wondering what happened between them and what went wrong. 

[shockdowndefiance]

1, 7 and 11 for Allison Shepard and her preferred love interest?

Answering from this post here. Not specified which sections so I'm going to do one question from the top 3.

This is for Allison Shepard and Kaidan Alenko

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?

In a Systems Alliance base in Jacksonville, FL, where Kaidan and Joker were joking/veering on mocking who their new XO would be, when Kaidan notices a Staff Lieutenant* in fatigues and with a sea bag over her shoulder. He doesn't think much of it - this is an Alliance base (one of the busiest on Earth, up there with Vancouver, Shanghai etc.) and being his polite self he asks her if he can help her with anything.

Allison doesn't say anything for a moment, eyeing him up, then Joker, then the ship, then back to Kaidan. As soon as she starts to speak all the pieces fall into place and he instantly recognises her the moment she says "Staff Lieutenant Allison Shepard. I believe I'm your XO."

* Yeah I got fed up with the ranks as they are in game/canon, so I made my own system. Shepard is a Staff Lieutenant, Kaidan is a Lieutenant, Ashley is a Gunnery Sergeant as of ME1

GENERAL

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Allison. No question about it. It's not that she's necessarily the more forward or outgoing of the two, but being a War Hero (and before that, daughter of a First Contact War veteran) she's more than used to plastering on a smile, making casual small-talk, and lending an ear to someone for one task or another, but always making sure to never promise anything completely.

As of ME1 Allison's been in the limelight for near-on seven years, received invites to multiple high class events (and when a tour of hers accidentally or accidentally overlaps, oh I'm so sorry I would have loved to come but duty calls) and is basically the Alliance's biotic, N7, and later Spectre poster child.

Kaidan is definitely the more withdrawn of the two, though he opens up enough around close friends and maybe a little alcohol in the mix. When he and Allison are out about their relationship, I imagine that he is quite affectionate in parties, always wanting to be by her and touching in some way (hand on elbow, holding hands, knees touching).

LOVE

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

Hoo boy. I have a playlist of 88 songs, totaling almost 6hrs. This does cover the entirety of Allison Shepard's story up to (and a bit beyond the Reaper War) so not all of them are romantically linked. Of the ones that are, these are my favourite/tell the story in the best way:

Mass Effect 1:

Florence + The Machine - Cosmic Love - more for the melody and the title than the lyrics themselves. Allison is a Spacer, so there's a bit of romanticism around stars, the galaxy etc. around their relationship.

Sixx A.M. - Starts (Explicit Lyrics) - "Do you wanna go to heaven tonight...Do you wanna be my lover tonight...Do you want to see the stars before they fall". The romance scene between Shepard and Kaidan on the way to Ilos. Again a cosmic-linked song but the moment I heard this it became the Shenko song for me. Remember this one

Black Stone Cherry - Remember Me & Johnny Cash - Hurt - "Today was a hard day, I still can't believe that all of this is true...When I am gone, will you stay strong, don't cry, this is not a dream. When heaven calls, and stars they fall, believe, will you remember me?" & "What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know, goes away in the end"

AKA the ooof ow my heart songs. Needless to say this is after the destruction of the Normandy SR-1, both from Kaidan's viewpoint. The relationship between the two of them wasn't expressed, so while Allison's family can grieve and mourn in public, Kaidan cannot - and even to a point where he can't be that upset over his CO, can he?

Mass Effect 2:

Shinedown - If Only You Knew - "If you only knew, I'm hanging by a thread, the web I spin for you. If you only knew, I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I'd lose you." This is Allison post-Horizon, when things are heavy. She's pulled her head above water somewhat, but Horizon pulls her back down.

Shinedown - Through The Ghost - "Speak of the devil, look who just walked into the room, the guilted and faded notion of someone I once knew. All the perfect moments are gone, all the precious pieces are wrong." This was originally an ME3 song (Vancouver) but story-wise this now places at the end of ME2, when Allison is heading off to Aratoht. Hackett sends along Kaidan and this echoes her feelings when she sees him.

Mass Effect 3:

Sixx A.M. - Stars (Cinematic) - I told you to remember this one. In any official soundtrack this would be a reprise, the same song but in a more mournful way. Allison and Kaidan are now officially together, and while the spark of what was back on the ME1 is still there, the galaxy being at risk puts a damper on their ability to take time and enjoy being with each other.

Florence + The Machine - Bedroom Hymns - pure romance scenes song. Nothing else to add. Smutty lyrics.

Conchita Wurst - Heroes - "So let the walls come down and the colours light up the sky. We could be heroes, we could be heroes, tonight. Where the hearts break loose and love is like a battlecry, we could be heroes, we could be heroes, tonight".

This one takes a bit of explanation. On the approach to Earth for the final assault, in the small hours of the morning, a thought pops into Kaidan's head. He turns to Allison and simply says "Let's get married." Allison half-laughs but goes "Sure. When?" and 30mins later they're in the shuttle bay, wedding officiated by Joker.

This song (or at least the chorus) is what I imagine whenever I think of that scene. Allison and Kaidan do quick vows, exchange simple fabricated rings, and prepare for the assault. Their wedding day, not that they know it at the time, is also the day the Reaper War ends.

And Beyond...

Black Stone Cherry - Sometimes - "Couldn't we pretend that I'm fine, and this ain't my life. It's not the way it ends for me. Couldn't we pretend, you're not gone, you're still here, it's not true. It's not the way it ends for you.". I spent so long swapping this and Remember Me (in the ME1 section) around and I think I am happy with their placement.

The Reaper War is over. Casualties are many. Allison Shepard is in the hospital, in a medically induced coma, with multiple injuries. The Normandy and her human crew are reported as MIA with no one knowing their status.

This song is, in my mind, a duet sung between Allison and Kaidan, Allison on Earth and Kaidan who-knows-where in the galaxy. They both believe the other dead, and this is them both wishing that this is not the case, that maybe the other can find a way back to them.

In short, another ooof ow my heart song

Skylar Grey - I'm Coming Home Pt. II - I'm sure this is on a lot of people's lists. The Normandy systems are functioning, they're going to make it to Earth, and Kaidan finally gets in contact with the Alliance in London. He discusses what happens with the brass, and turns his head and hides a sigh when yet another higher up is introduced to him.

"Alenko. Good to see you again."

"Allison?!" His eyes snap back front and centre. She's alive, standing in front of him in the QEC. It's a hologram, but it's her. She's alive, on Earth. They made it. Both of them.

And the blood will dry Underneath my nails And the wind will rise up To fill my sails So you can down and you can hate But i know no matter what it takes I'm coming home, I'm coming home Tell the world that I'm coming home

❤️

[cupsofsuga]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐏𝐒 ━ 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐓𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 *:·。.

{ ⚠️} WARNING - This is a yandere au, meaning the following may be triggering to some viewers.  I am not trying to discriminate the boys in any way, this is for entertainment purposes. Viewer discretion is advised!!!

{ 💐} REQUEST - ❝ how do the boys act with their s/o during the pandemic? ❞

{ ☕️} NOTE - i am not in any way trying to romanticize or glorify this pandemic. this is strictly for entertainment purposes. right below, i provided a link that lists ways you can help with covid-19::

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/03/21/how-you-can-help-during-coronavirus/?arc404=true

please stay home and stay safe!

━━━ 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐊𝐉𝐈𝐍

through the fog of yearning for summer, jin has found you, the child of aphrodite in autumn’s oath

oh, the tender sound of flesh… it’s like thunder under earth’s surface

to love y/n is to love the nymphs that dream amongst the fragrance of weeping willows

to love y/n is to long for their sole attention, and much to jin’s benefit, this global pandemic may have given him the opportunity to hog all the stardust held within the deity of his lover

with classes canceled, you both can spend eternity gathering tulips and wildflowers in the safety of your home

jin can taste laughter against his lips and the august rain of your divine infatuation

he can inhale the sun in your hair and the midsummer fruits on your skin

finally, for what seems like infinity in quarantine, he can breathe

now, to keep this daydream within the forest at constant, he’ll rob any potential excuse of yours that involves not having your attention on him

of course, he would forbid you from seeing anyone outside the solace of your own residence

the faint idea of those heathens laying their ruthless hands upon your heavenly form and possibly imperiling you with this virus infuriates him to no end

even during the hours spent on online classes, jin will smother with resentment over the revelation that he’d be required to spend several hours without your love

boredom and envy, two poisons racing like serpents through the maze of his veins

and he can’t seem to sedate this burning jealousy, that is until the session ends and the grandfather clock sings it’s euphoric harmony

oh, and when your attention is finally on him

petals splatter, lambs sing, the sun kisses the moon and the fruit of the earth flourishes

heaven is on earth, and besides, you never needed those classes, anyways

with perfect grades, perfect class, perfect reputation, jin could give you whatever your heart could desire

and he’ll love you until the sun vanishes and the earth is reborn; until all stars fragment and our galaxy dissolves into dust

jin loves you and the blossom of july that follows

he loves you to death.

━━━ 𝐌𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐈

oh, how yoongi loves you...

to digest his own organs, to tend to the wounds of his garden

he’d trade in his life for the fleeting chance of bathing in your moonlight

like the crumpled-up paper left on your table with the number of a pretty waitress scribbled on, the scrape of peach fuzz against naked skin under ocherous streetlights

you, y/n l/n, a stranger in the alps holds the dawn-tinted fragments of this young boy’s soul

the resonance of your honeymoon-flavored voice, the liberation of the ocean’s pearls as they sleep in your touch, your superlunary reassurance as you soothe him of his concerns for the world’s condition

yoongi cannot comprehend how sour solitude blossomed into a sultry summer by the acceleration of a global pandemic

he owns the privilege to spend infinite days in quarantine, butterflies and white lace upon his heart as he wakes up to the sight of your face, yet again

he watches as stars and planets melt together as your galaxies collide, relishing in the feverish sensation of eternal divinity

and during this pandemic, yoongi’s tendencies flourish as his dependence, neediness and loyal compliance intensify

he’ll go out of his way and purchase all of the necessities you could ever crave, the revelation of his health at stake left unbothered

it is challenging to find entertainment throughout quarantine, but fortunately for you, your hero (missing his cape) uses his rent money to find you whatever it is you've deemed vital

you’ll go and welcome your lover after he returned to your residence from getting groceries and discover a variety of board games to play, a nintendo switch (with animal crossing, obviously), and an espresso machine that he bought with intentions on teaching you how to make drinks like he does (even though there will never be a day where he won't brew one for you)

despite fear painting every street in the world, yoongi touches aphrodite’s reminiscence as he skates beyond a rainbow’s arch

he has found sunlit honey in the mornings where he can cling onto your form like a lifeline and smother you with his coffee-stained kisses and overwhelming fascination

finally, days are heavenly with you by his side every. waking. second

the bullets have faded, the storms have abolished, the tears have shattered and all that’s left is your french perfume and cherry lips

oh, you should expect suffocating love during this quarantine season because you’ll never escape from yoongi

not now, not ever.

━━━ 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐊

due to covid outbreak, hoseok feels his body tremble with fear beneath his covers as if the virus was a monster underneath his bed

behind the exquisite light of his sanity is winter, where terror sits like snow against naked trees

only then, you waltz into his tunnel of vision, your silver armor glistening under the amber light of his bedroom

finally, with you by his side, he can savor the taste of the sun as it peaks through the leaves of summer

y/n, the sweetest apparition, the aurora of jasmine, stardust in a mason jar

you are the bones of ecstasy and hoseok feels the horror racing through his veins melt into a daze of tulips and passion

and it took him days to recover from the lemon-flavored euphoria that dreams of you in a hallucinatory lucidity

but, even then, the heart of his infatuation still holds cunning ways of creeping up behind him

despite being locked inside, hoseok still relies on you to protect him

you’re his knight in shining armor, his life preserver in an empty sea

he needs you to wrap your wings around his form and shield him from the demons that lurk in the shadows of your home

god, does he need you

but, when the sun is high and both of you are trapped in the walls of your home, his soul ascends as if he had listened to his favorite part of a song for the very first time

your lover then insists on creating a fort, the light of purity heavy in his opalescent irises

that childlike innocence within him, you always adored it

you’ll both make a mess of your living room with couch cushions and chairs, certainly to receive a scolding from your parents

there are fairy lights strung upon quilts with its heavenly glow and tender pillows that are painted with last years midsummer night-dew

and with scarlet ribbons and a huff of contentment, your masterpiece is complete

now, you will lie in the fort that is shielded with a password, lover in your lap as he runs upon his little rants

a disney movie you can’t recall the name of is left abandoned to play on its own as hoseok works you through the timeline of the pixar theory, hope, and exuberance within his expression

he always admired conspiracy theories, but not the ones that are too frightening

you, aphrodite’s rose and summer’s sweet fruits, are there for hoseok to love and to embrace

and he’d swim all the oceans and waltz through the depths hellfire to prove to you just how enamored he truly is

that is until he longs for his childhood stuffed animal that he makes you go into the attic to get because he’s too afraid of the dark.

━━━ 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐉𝐎𝐎𝐍

namjoon will love you until the end of eternity

he’ll love you until the moon swims the seven seas, he’ll love you until fate eradicates into liberty, he’ll love you until white jasmines accelerate into poppies

he’ll love you until our solar system melts into prismatic ash

and this epiphany flourishes as the night sings with you nestled against his chest, your lover refusing to let you go even when the sun is high in the sky

with locks of hair rested upon the crevice of his neck and latin poetry he’s too tired to translate parting his lips, he has found ecstasy in the purple rain that enveloped him

he has found the hidden nymphs of his life nestled under leaves; he has found his light in a sea of dead stars

and namjoon can’t imagine a day where he wouldn’t bleed himself dry to protect the one thing that matters most to him

due to the spread of this virus, let’s just say that his paranoia has gotten the best of him

you’ve never seen so much fear within his eyes from just a simple cough

you’ll be forced to stay within the lavish bedroom of his as all possible necessities are delivered to your door

and any excuse for you to leave, he has another to dismiss it

you’re hungry? great, a full-course gourmet meal made by our personal chefs is on its way!

you’re thirsty? would you like water? tea? wine? we’ll have the housekeeper deliver it in a jiffy!

you’re bored? we have board games, puzzles, movies, video games, whatever your little heart desires!

you feel trapped? ok, fine… well, i guess we can go take a walk in the garden

and you felt such a rush of elation to take sight upon the lustrous tulips possessing a variety of colors and to inhale the fragrance of summer as it stains your consciousness

oh, to feel sunbeams heavy against your longing skin and to trace your fingers down the juts and crevices of your favorite flowers

this is euphoria tied with a silk bow

that is until you were aggressively yanked behind namjoon as he saw the gardener wasn’t 6 feet away from you

he spat out threats to the poor man just trying to water the poppies you infatuated yourself with

but hey, at least you got a taste of the sun though, right?

oh, well, the tiffany and louis in your expensive bedroom will suffice, anyways.

━━━ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍

so… this is love

to caress the sugar-scented tulips on the riverside, to taste summer as worries melt like honey against your tongue

to lose yourself in the lustrous daze as camellia flowers fall like pink rain

so… this is love

and god, jimin has never felt so alive

like a dove at dawn, iridescent feathers, and misty eyes

you descended into his field of vision and robbed him of his heart right then and there

and now, as the sun glistens and the moon shimmers, day-by-day, he holds the privilege of calling himself yours

especially being locked within the walls of your home, infatuation seethes like dust in the attic above

it’s far too dangerous for you to leave, anyway

with disease, sorrow, and pain staining the air of the world, it’s only best is you stay indoors… only by his side, for every waking second

and you swear, you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve awoken to the sight of your lover with his chin rested against his palm, hearts swimming in his eyes as he chirps, “good morning, bumblebee!”

but, you have to realize, he just can’t help it

there’s moondust in your lungs, sunbeams bathing within your veins, the rings of saturn enveloping your locks of hair, stars nestled beneath the crevice of your heart

there’s a universe inside of you, and luckily for jimin, it is all his

only his

as the morning is set into motion, your boyfriend has a variety of activities for you to indulge yourself with

days are spent reading you through all several journals he reserved just for you, pages filled with cheesy poems, songs, or your name written obsessively over and over and over and over again

he’ll giggle like a young schoolgirl at your reactions, drown you in butterfly kisses or gaze at you for hours as you read, oblivious to his creepy admiring stare

and god forbid you drink water and it goes down the wrong tube

you’ll cough once and he’ll begin to pamper you as if you were a sick orphan child

that’s who he is, though

dedicating his entire life to the sun itself; dedicating his existence to the child of aphrodite in full bloom

god… he has found love

and nothing is more euphoric than this

and you had absolutely no idea a worldwide pandemic could make this man the happiest boy on planet earth.

━━━ 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐓𝐀𝐄𝐇𝐘𝐔𝐍𝐆

you can’t recall how long it’s been since you were abducted

days have melted into candy, hours turn to honey, seconds are everlasting grace

you’ve been treated like royalty ever since pages of your face with a loud ‘MISSING’ on top had been scattered across town

your kidnapper lover will bake you cherry pies, boxy smile threaded on his face. he’ll draw a bath adorned with rose petals raw from the garden, eyes flickering with hopes and exuberance

taehyung will give you just about every pleasure a human could ask for, all in the name of seeing that candied smile that sedates his mind and turns his knees to jelly

he wouldn’t be shocked if he looked down and saw a puddle of his drool, to be honest

and because of the uproar of the virus, taehyung finds in his best power to simply not tell you

to protect you from your worries, to shield you from this world

he would rather die than risk losing his glimmering evening to the arms of the earth

this revelation strikes coldly as you sit beneath a willow tree, sugary pastries and treats varied around you as your lover sits with his canvas

to blend the opalescent tones of your face, then the loud devotion of your skin and the feverishly irradiated hues of your iris

oh, to sit here and paint his dear… it’s pure bliss!

days spent deprived of the burden of technology, heaven has reached the recesses of this horrid planet

after lunch beneath the sun, you and taehyung will take canoe rides throughout the lake just outside your little cottage on the hillside

and watching as you graze your fingertips upon the lake’s surface like you’re made of something magic and blessing the water with your enigmatic essence was practically holy to see

he’s been puzzled stupid in times like these

where the sun is high and heavy, golden embers kiss upon the land, his lover sat with a goddesses caress

it’s euphoric how you breathe and strip taehyung of every logical thought within his mind

yes, you are captive, but there is simply no denying this man's devotion to you

you shall not worry about the worldwide pandemic and should rather fall into a deep slumber within the faded-red canoe

when it’s only the two of you, a virus is but a speck of dust left upon the highest shelf

no matter what this world comes to, you are safe with taehyung

and nothing will take you away from him.

━━━ 𝐉𝐄𝐎𝐍 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐊𝐎𝐎𝐊

jungkook thinks of you more often than he should

those fleeting moments where your dulcet laugher reflects and his eyes are practically glued to you; those moments where your “i love you”’s are unadulterated and his entire chest collapses

he’d do anything and everything to keep his light forever home

fortunately for him, this global pandemic may have gifted him that opportunity laced with a velvet bow

but this boy is paranoid, you see. so paranoid that the intensity of his concern comes out in an opalescent pandemonium

it’s as if saltwater swells in his lungs and kisses him with it’s strangling embrace; as if his worst sins have been placed on a silver platter, left for the world to laugh and gape at

but, through the haze of his purgatory, there’s you, joyous and alive

and it’s like a potion mixed with rosewater, vanilla and a dove’s feathers heavy on his tongue whenever he drinks in the sight of you

it’s like the essence of his infatuation dancing like a ballerina beyond the recesses of his mind; his sanity it’s ballroom

to spend days in quarantine bathing within his bewitchment is euphoric, but there are the days of terror that creep upon him

and you don’t think you’ll ever forget the time where you had complained to your lover about your headache and observed as the planets swimming in his irises abruptly fade to utter horror

he always over-exaggerated his worry, which you were used to, but this

you’ve never seen true fear like this

you were given a cold towel to place upon your forehead and kisses to soothe you of your distress

the worry he possessed only snowballed into something much more cynical and evil, though, as the prophecy of the virus taking you away from him shook him to his very core

you eventually fell into a deep slumber by dusk, most likely by the fault of the medicine

though, as the moon was high and the bedside clock read 2:38 AM in it’s fluorescent, neon green hues, you were awoken by the hushed sounds of weeping

blinking your mind back into reality, you found jungkook on the bedside, shoulders shaking violently from the sobs that shook his entire body

you watched as he incoherently wailed into the phone, only to finally decipher the person on the other line was a 911 operator

you then handled the situation safely and maturely, reassuring the poor operator that you were perfectly healthy and safe and thus proceeding to care for your puppy-dog of a boyfriend who worried over every breathe you took for the following several weeks

oh, what a time this quarantine will be

but, hey! you weren’t sick! so…yay!