#The problem is me not knowing what is and isn’t real

[trammellesstangent]

(Sorry about the pouring out my doubts in the tags.)

Well obviously I can’t have chronic fatigue, that’s a real problem for real disabled people that’s diagnosed by doctors probably. Clearly I just have some sort of perpetual exhaustion issue, that is also almost certainly my fault somehow

[salemlunaa]

ᥫ᭡just sit back and relaxᥫ᭡

let’s talk about pure consciousness // “I AM” state

So i realised i can’t just leave you guys hanging. i can’t just post about how you need to do shit yourselves and dip again. Even tho you guys have all you need on this app i will just be reiterating certain things.

all that’s needed is to relax

everything you do is correct, you can scratch that itch, you can lay any how, sit, even stand, when you set that intention, everything you do is correct, because when you are in that “I AM” state of mind, you are a god.

you don’t need anyone’s help, not any person who has a success story under their belt or any bloggers, including me. you don’t need anyone or anything because you are “I AM”

All that’s need is to relax, deep breathing, but don’t try to hard, this is first nature to you. A lot of you hear that you MUST relax so you force it. Don’t do that. When you hear these success stories it’s like they were so zoned out they didn’t realise they induced for a second. So let those thoughts pass through, accept them, even thoughts about what you ate today.

You CAN focus on the back of your eyelids but don’t force it.

A lot of you can’t and won’t admit that you still feel desperate for the void, you try and act like you don’t care but you do, it’s like that meme: “pretending you don’t care so your screen will load faster”. You still think that it’s your only way out and while trying to act all effortless, you’re begging for it to work on the inside. After acting relaxed you sit up confused as to why it “didn’t work”

you force the relaxation (which means you aren’t actually relaxing) because you still think you need the “I AM” state,

you can’t try to be effortless

you can’t try to zone out

just let it happen

and as for problems, they don’t exist, because the 3D doesn’t exist. The outerman may have woken up in unfavourable circumstances, the innerman has what it wants, what even are circumstances? The outerman keeps falling asleep, the innerman is a void master who gets whatever they want when they want.

The innerman is your true self. You have everything you could ever want, just relax and align.

remember:

deep breathing

relaxation {don’t force relaxation, it’s not going to help anything go “faster”, and that isn’t even needed because time isn’t real, you’re okay, you’re not running out of time no matter what circumstances show you}

affirm “I AM”/ let thoughts pass you by/ sing in your head/count/ replay scenarios whatever

don’t focus on how much time has passed because it doesn’t matter it isn’t real. don’t focus on “if it’s working yet” it has worked, {your innerman experiences your intentions as soon as you make them, you have an intention induce the void state, your innerman is already there, creation of events are already finished, it’s already happened}

immerse yourself in your thoughts and you’ll induce before you know it.

there’s no such thing as you tried and it didn’t work. trial and error does not exist for your innerman the REAL you. you’re not gaslighting yourself or being “delusional” it’s real. It’s done

pure consciousness is as easy as breathing, isn’t it wonderful?

[ghouljams]

The Church of the Broken God (chapter 2)

Words: 5k Tags: Eventual John Price x reader, public masturbation, brainwashing, doublespeak, indoctrination, f!reader, passively suicidal ideation, self destructive habits, horrible bosses, depressed!reader, Cult Leader!Price Summary: Your life has been on a downward spiral for months. It's hard to find a real reason to keep going when everything you do seems to backfire. That is, until you get a flier for a meditation seminar that promises to fix all your problems.

<- prev chapter | next chapter ->

These women are… super nice. You don’t know why it puts you on edge. They’re not doing anything wrong. They buy each other drinks, compliment each other, they’re attentive listeners and laugh at every joke you make. You offer to buy a round, the same as they’ve been doing for you, and you’re not met with a rush to stop you. They look pleased, shoot off thanks and smile the same as they did for the other women. You feel like you’re doing the right thing, you don’t know why it makes your stomach squirm. Maybe you’re just not used to people doing nice things for you.

“You ok?” Nina asks, leaning over the table to frown at you, “you’ve gone all quiet.”

“Yeah, uh, I guess I’m just not used to crowds anymore.” You attempt to cover.

“It’s the compliments isn’t it?” Cassie jumps in, Nina waves her off.

“No, no!” You hold up your hands to defend yourself, “Those are really nice, you’re all really nice! I’m just not-”

“Used to it?” Nina finishes with a wince, “I wasn’t either, it was super awkward the first time I came out for drinks, you remember?”

“Oh my God so awkward, you were like a robot.” Cassie laughs, it takes some of the weight off your shoulders.

“But you get what you put out into the world, y’know? You give kindness, you get it in return, that’s what John says.” Nina nods, she crosses her arms and leans back against the booth. She feels serious, her jaw set and her brows drawn. “I was in a really dark place when I first took John’s class, it felt like I was living a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. My friends were drifting away, my fiance was cheating on me-” She shakes her head, you wince at how closely your situation matches, “-I was so bitter and it made me mean, I get why no one wanted to be around me.”

“Nina-” Cassie sighs, her sympathy obvious. Nina waves her off again, sitting forward to grab her drink.

“Whatever, it’s in the past now.” Nina mutters, your heart aches for her. You set a hand on her shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze. She smiles at you. It feels… good. You can see yourself in her, your pain and suffering. It’s a weight that she carries the same as you. “Kyle really helped me a lot, Christ I owe him a whole bakery.”

“Nina!” Cassie squeals, shoving at her. Nina’s shoulder bumps against you, warm. Camaraderie. Did you forget what it was like to have friends? When was the last time you saw your own? The last time they laughed with each other, with you? “You’re so bad,” Cassie laughs.

“What? He’s hot!” Nina laughs back. You feel a little left out. Your stomach clenches.

“Sorry, who’s Kyle?” You ask, “Your boyfriend?”

“She wishes,” Cassie snorts into her drink. Nina shoves at her.

“He’s a counselor, life coach sort of guy.” Nina explains, “He has a class at the rec center on Wednesdays-” Claire’s phone pings “-honestly it’s worth going just to see him, God I wanna make a sandwich out of that man.”

“I’m gonna hit the bathroom,” Claire announces. You glance at the other women at the table. None of them move. Weird, you would have thought women this close would be biting at the bit to accompany her. You always used the buddy system with your friends. Especially at bars. In fact the other women at the table seem to ignore her, only acknowledging her enough to move out of the way. 

You guess there’s a black sheep in every friend group. You know the feeling. You tap your fingers against the table watching her retreat to the bathroom. You don’t have a good feeling about letting her go alone. Nina’s insistence on “putting kindness into the world” or whatever is running through your head and you just… you can’t let her be on the outskirts of the friend group alone. You’re not even really part of it, but everyone is being so nice- you won’t be the reason this girl is left out.

“Oh um, I’m gonna ask the bartender something,” You tell the girl on your left, shit what was her name “can you-?

“Sure!” She pushes herself out of the booth to let you out, quickly cozying up next to Nina when you vacate the spot. You glance at the table over your shoulder as you make your way towards the bar, then make a hard turn towards the bathrooms. No one’s paying attention to you, that’s good.

You push the bathroom door open, trying to be quiet in case Claire’s shy. You’ll just, uh, wash your hands and pretend you’re fixing your outfit when she comes out. Nothing weird about that. Totally normal thing that people do, and not like you’re waiting for her to come out of the stall so you can- What? Commiserate about being left out? Ugh, you don’t know why you even-

There’s a distinct, wet, noise coming from one of the stalls. A ‘shlick, shlick’ sound that you recognize all too easily. You catch the bathroom door to keep it from slamming and cover your mouth. Fingers sliding against a wet slit, a soft huff of a stifled moan, and the quiet low rumble of a man’s voice. Deep and throaty, she’s on the phone with someone, or listening to something. You can’t tell which, what you can tell is that Claire --the girl who had seemed almost too shy to ask you to join them--  is masturbating in a public bathroom. And you’re standing there listening. You’re not sure which is worse. It squirms like bile in your stomach, you’re intruding, you’re being a creep. Your own cunt clenches. 

A quiet whimper leaves Claire’s mouth and you rush back out of the bathroom. You catch the door a second time to make sure she doesn’t hear it slam, then you press yourself against it. You fan your face, try to get your breathing right, fix your face. Fix your damn face! You press your hands to your cheeks, and squeeze your eyes shut. Oh my God.

You make your way back to the table, doing your best to avoid looking at anyone. The girl who moved for you initially lights up when she sees you, hopping out of the booth and ushering you in. You feel a little awkward sliding into the middle with Nina, but you don’t want to cause a fuss with so many people watching you. Good lord do they all have to look at you? 

“Did the bartender have what you were looking for?” Nina asks. Your eyes dart to her.

“The- oh, uh, no. I was wondering if he had a phone charger.” You cover quickly.

“I have a power bank you can use,” Cassie offers. You open your mouth to turn her down before remembering that would blow your story out of the water.

“Sure.” You relent, forcing a smile onto your face. 

“No problem,” Cassie chirps, digging through her purse to tug a power bank and two different chargers free, “it feels good to do nice things for people, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” you agree absentmindedly, fussing with the charger and plugging your phone in. An alert for a non-branded charger pops up and you quickly dismiss it. 

The conversation moves on to other topics, but you hardly pay attention. Your eyes are glued to the bathroom door, waiting for Claire. When she does finally exit she looks the same as when she left. No ruddy cheeks, no guilty glances around, no rumpled shirt or anything that would give away what she was doing in the bathroom. You try not to narrow your eyes as they flick over her body. You don’t want to look like you’re checking her out, you just want proof that you heard what you heard.

“Welcome back,” Someone says, and Claire beams at them.

“Who’s buying the next round?” Claire asks.

You drift in and out of conversation. Someone offers to split an uber with you, apparently they live in the same building. You wonder how you never noticed them before, but they hug you before you get off the elevator.

“It was nice to connect with you,” She hums, “it feels nice being part of something, doesn’t it?”

You don’t get a chance to answer before the doors close.

-

Wednesday, you think, flipping through your phone while you brush your teeth. Nina said her life coach guy was on wednesdays right? Curious, you check the rec center’s website.

“For the Whole You!” The site banner reads in friendly font. You scroll down to their calendar. There’s a lot of pictures of people smiling, a pie chart of something, testimonials, blah blah blah. The calendar is easy to read at least. And packed. It looks like meditations happen every three days, you spot John’s name easily. Price, huh, that’s a cool last name. Wednesdays… 

You click on the only Kyle you see, and a page pops up with- Christ- one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen. Kyle Garrick, life coach with a masters in psychology. That doesn’t sound too bad. You thought life coaches were just con men in ripped jeans, but this guy seems like he might actually know what he’s talking about. John’s name pops up again, a short anecdote from Kyle about serving with him. Huh. That’s kind of interesting you guess. 

You think back on the meditation lesson you’d attended, the power that John seemed to carry in simple actions, the musculature, the way he’d pinned you in place with a single tilt of his head. Military fits you guess. You click on his class and tap your fingers against the side of your phone as you think. The class has a helpful registration counter at the side, letting you know there’s one spot left for the wednesday evening class. It’s not like you have anything else going on, and it’ll fill your usual therapy slot. It’s twenty for a single class. That’s not too bad, less than therapy co-pays. You make an account on the site, begrudgingly signing up for their email list, and send twenty dollars into the void. 

You get an email from Kyle about an hour later as you’re scrolling through instagram, avoiding looking at the time. It feels pretty standard, welcoming a new person, attaching a survey on what you want to work on. You type out a few quick words promising you’ll get to it in the morning. Your email pings a few minutes later.

“You must be an insomniac, just tackle it now.” You narrow your eyes at the screen, “Might help you sleep to accomplish a task before bed.” 

What sort of weird logic- fine. You squint at the questionnaire, typing out your answers as best you can. Honest enough to get some advice but not honest enough to get sent to the hospital has always been your MO with these things. This one is sort of weird, but you’re exhausted, too sleep-addled to pay proper attention.

Are you lonely? Do you ever feel out of place? Do you have dreams where you act as someone else? Have you heard of the law of attraction? When someone says they feel “connected” to you, how does that make you feel?

Do you ever feel talked over?

Do you ever feel pushed out of conversations? Do you find it hard to accept yourself?

Are you on the path you want to be?

You rub your eyes, typing as best you can. 

Where do you see improvement for yourself?

Describe yourself in one negative word.

You type, and type. It feels never ending. Worse than the insomnia that keeps you up. It’s nearly two hours later when you finish. You send it off to Kyle without another thought, and snuggle down into your blankets. You’re so tired.

Your phone buzzes. You roll over to check it. Another email from Kyle.

“Thanks, this looks great! :)” You sigh. At least your work checks out. That’s good, you’re sure it’s just an auto-response, but you appreciate it nonetheless. Another message pops up. Your email alerting you to a new response in the chain.

“How long have you had trouble sleeping? I know a few good remedies.” You sigh, the screen hurts your eyes. You don’t know what inspires you to reply, why you don’t simply roll over to sleep. The attention is nice, you suppose.

“A few months. What’s your miracle cure?” You stare at your phone, let the blue light laser its way over your eyes. The screen dims, you tap it to keep your phone awake. To keep you awake. 

“Have you heard of sleep restriction therapy?”

-

Your morning has never felt more miserable. You barely slept and you had to upgrade your usual tea to an instant coffee. You’re nursing the brown sludge that you managed to scrape together from the break room’s limited stores when your least favorite manager swings by your cubicle.

“Did you finish the reports I asked for?” Kevin asks. You do your best to keep your face neutral as you sip your scalding caffeine.

“I told you they’d take me until the end of the day.” You remind him, “It’s nine in the morning.” Nevermind that he’s swinging into the office a full hour late, but you know for a fact that you promised the updated numbers by five today. You have the email to prove it.

“Oh,” Kevin makes a face, his teeth grit as he exhales through them, “I was really hoping you’d work on them last night.”

“Outside of work hours.” You confirm, trying not to sound too much like you’re questioning his less than sound judgement.

Kevin sighs your name with a shake of his head, “You know you’re not going to get very far in this company if you don’t care about your work.”

You take a deep breath through your nose, inhaling as much coffee vapor as you can stomach. It does nothing to calm you down. You can’t be expected to deal with this level of bullshit on practically zero sleep. Maybe you should look into that sleep therapy Kyle sent you, you really can’t keep living like this.

“I care about my work Kevin,” You tell him with as much of a smile as you can manage, “I’ll have the reports to you as soon as possible.”

“Atta-girl,” Kevin praises, snapping his finger to hit you with a nauseating pair of finger guns before moseying back to his office.

If you thought reporting him to HR would do anything you might consider it. As it stands you’ve already tried that twice and gotten nowhere. It just made him more dedicated to making your work life hell. Crazy how they always talk about retaliation in the “Hostile work environment” training videos, but no one seems to give a shit about it when it’s happening to you.

You spend the next two hours swearing at the mess of spreadsheets that Kevin emailed you yesterday. If he’d bothered to clean any of the sheets up it would’ve made your life a hell of a lot easier. You don’t even want to think about how many cells could’ve been saved if he knew how to use just one function. You can feel the start of a migraine pressing against the back of your eyes by the time your stomach is starting to growl at you about lunch.

You glance away from your monitor to rub your eyes, try to get some of the blurry tilt out of them. Your bag sits on the desk next to you, deliriously empty. Fuck.

Fuck that’s right, you’d decided to skip packing a lunch this morning because you were running late for your train. 

With a heavy sigh you check your lunch options just as your phone pings.

It’s an unknown number, weird.

You swipe the message open to delete it and pause.

“Hey, it’s Nina! I saw you work near me and was wondering if you’d want to grab lunch?”

You blink at your phone screen. How the hell would she know where you work?

Your sluggish brain clicks away as your stomach churns nervously. You guess Cassie works at the rec center, she’d see applications that come through, membership stuff. Maybe Cassie gave it to her? Nina was the one who suggested you sign up for Kyle’s class, maybe Cassie wanted to, you don’t know, spread the good news of your signing up?

Your head throbs.

You’re not really operating at 100% right now, you’re not sure you want to interact with someone who seems to have their life together.

“My treat?” Nina double texts you.

Alright, you can pretend to be a human being for free lunch.

You’re almost relieved to see Nina has a little darkness under her eyes, purple sleeplessness that she’s tried to hide with concealer. It makes you feel a little better for your own sluggish brain to think that she might be tired too. 

“I know this is probably totally weird,” She laughs when you greet her with a raised hand, “You’re probably like, oh my god this bitch is a stalker, how does she know where I work?”

“I figure Cassie gave it to you, because I signed up for your favorite class.” You yawn, as she nods.

“That’s smart,” She says nothing about your second yawn, “wouldn’t have been my first thought.” You hum, before deciding a verbal answer is friendlier.

“Yeah, I mean it seemed sort of weird, but you don’t strike me as the stalker type.”

“Tell my ex-fiance that,” Nina says with an eye roll, “ask to share your location one time- of course I was right to be a stalker but…”

You snort and she positively beams at you. You have to squint to avoid blinding yourself in the sunshine of it. She links her arm with yours and tugs you along to walk with her. You do your best not to tug your arm out from her hold, not used to being touched so casually.

“So what are you in the mood for?” She asks, leading you down the street.

“I’m not picky,” You tell her, trying to be easy. You could really go for something warm right now, you think you might be coming down with something.

“You look exhausted,” Nina coos sympathetically, “Maybe you should go home instead. Rest.”

You rub your eye with the heel of your hand and shake your head. “I’ve got a lot to get done today.”

“Surely your boss won’t mind you taking some sick time?” She sounds so sincere, you feel bad when you bark out a laugh. Nina frowns, “One of those, huh?” You sigh, letting yourself feel the heaviness in your limbs like a sick indulgence.

“Just a few more hours,” You assure her, “Then I can go home and sleep.”

“Let’s get something good in you before then.” Nina nods to herself.

Nina orders for you and sets a steaming bowl of rice and saucy vegetables in front of you. It smells heavenly, like ginger and coconut, and there’s little crispy bits of something sprinkled on top. She has a salad, and shakes it vigorously in front of her while you mix up the yellow curry and rice. Even just the thought of the food’s warm steam settling in your stomach energizes you. You glance at Nina and she’s got her head bowed. 

You-

Pause. 

A little awkward in the face of what must be prayer. You’re not quite sure if you’re supposed to start without her, or if that’s rude. You don’t know the protocol for this. After a moment she raises her head and blinks at you.

“Oh my gosh, were you waiting for me?” She asks, scandalized. You nod, unsure what to do with your hands. You settle on spooning a heap of curry and rice into your mouth. You figure that’s fine since she’s done. “That’s really sweet of you,” She smiles. She doesn’t give you any indication if this was the right thing to do. You stare at your bowl and chew.

“I was going to invite you to hang at the rec center after work,” Nina starts, waving her fork with a sigh, “but I don’t want you to push yourself if you’re exhausted.”

“Do people hang out at the rec center?” You question, trying to remember if you saw other people there when you went yesterday. It had seemed fairly empty, almost abandoned, but maybe you’d been too focused on getting to your class to notice anything else. The class was full, so there must have been other people hanging around.

“Of course,” Nina gives you a look like you’re crazy for asking, “like all the time. It’s a nice spot just to chill and see people. John doesn’t mind us hanging around.”

John. That was the meditation instructor’s name, wasn’t it? It’s pretty common, you doubt it’s the same guy. Why would an instructor mind if people hung around anyway? Cassie had pointed you towards a lounge area last night so there must be more of those to steal for chatting.

“The meditation instructor?” You ask dumbly. It’s not the question you want to ask, but it’s the only thing that sticks on your tongue. Nina hums her assent.

“He runs the place.” She explains, “he’s super nice, really cares about bringing people together, building community, connections.”

She says the word like it means something: connections. It sticks in your sluggish mind, but doesn’t raise any red flags.

“Sounds like a good guy.” You shove another bite into your mouth.

“He is.” Nina tells you. Tells you, like she’s demanding you try and disagree with her.

You blink. There’s a coldness to her face, there and gone. She smiles, and tucks into her salad.

Maybe she’s got a thing for him. You make a note not to say anything bad about him to her.

He seemed nice, good looking, she could do worse.

You suppress a shiver at the memory of his hands on you, pushing you forward and pulling you back like it was the most natural thing in the world. His touch is the first you’ve had in a long time that didn’t make you cringe and want to squirm away. Actually his class was the most relaxed you’ve been in, well, ever and the short nap you’d taken was probably the best sleep you’d had in months. You’d almost be willing to give up on going straight home after work if you knew John was going to be at the rec center, maybe you could slip in another meditation workshop?

You want to ask Nina about it, but you also don’t want to give her the wrong idea. If she does have a crush on the guy, it’s probably not great to ask too many questions about John if you want to stay in her good graces. 

“Right,” You try, “yeah his class was great, and I’m, uh, looking forward to Kyle’s class too.” Not your best subject change, but Kyle’s name makes Nina light up.

“Oh yeah, you’re going to love it!” She assures you.

“Yeah, I- yeah,” The attitude shift has you a little stunned, your molasses thoughts stick to your tongue as you try to collect them, “He sent me this huge questionnaire last night, it was really, um, in depth?” You try to remember one of the questions but wading through your mind is difficult with so little sleep.

“Well,” Nina stabs her fork into her salad, you flinch at each punctuating crunch of lettuce, “he has to get to know you, silly, so he can help you.” You stir your curry in jerking motions, for something to occupy your hands. “You can’t pull yourself out of a hole,” Nina tells you with a blank smile, “someone has to throw you a rope.”

-

You were almost happy to get back to work. Kevin chewed you out about taking too long a lunch, and you were probably going to get an ulcer from all the tylenol you took, but you were happy getting away from Nina. She’d chatted your ear off about Kyle and somehow didn’t answer a single one of your questions about him. Not that you had any chance to get a word in edgewise. You couldn’t handle the perky tone in her voice by the time your lunch ended. At least you didn’t have to pay for your own food.

You manage to get Kevin his spreadsheets before five. You still leave the office late and thankless.

You doze on the train home, your head tugging at your neck each time the doors opened, and you barely make it into your house before you’re collapsing on the couch. 

Yeah, you couldn’t have made it to the rec center like this.

You startle awake when your ass starts vibrating. You blearily fumble for your phone  and swipe at the screen, turning off your “call Baby” alarm. You should really delete that.

You toss your phone on the coffee table with a sigh and turn onto your back to stare at the ceiling fan. Ten. You slept for a good couple hours. You’re starving.

And you’re not going to be able to sleep tonight because of this nap.

Great.

-

You consider canceling your registration for Kyle’s class as you sit on the train heading to the rec center. You could just go home. You sort of want to go home, but Cassie had called you this afternoon to confirm your registration and she’d sounded so sad when you’d asked about canceling that you just couldn’t. Also you were pretty sure it was too late to get your money back. So here you were.

At least the rec center is busier than Monday. Cassie had told you the Wednesday meditation was full, maybe this is their busy day. You see people coming in and out, and look for a familiar face in the crowd. You’re hoping to see one of the women you met Monday, but instead your eyes lock on slightly less familiar icy blues.

John smiles at you across the street, and glances both ways before jogging across. You paint on a smile for him, and try not to look like you were avoiding going inside.

“Waiting for someone?” He asks in lieu of greeting. You keep your eyes on his, the creases at the corners of his eyes deepen a little as you stare. 

“No, just-” You search for a normal time killing activity, “-people watching.” John hums and steps to stand beside you. The space he takes up feels enormous, like a black hole sucking up your attention, despite the way he crosses his arms over his chest. You peek at the bulge of his bicep against the dark shirt he’s wearing, the stiff fabric stretching to accommodate more man that it was made for. You would’ve expected him in the same comfortable yoga clothes as he was wearing Monday, but this feels more formal. He’s wearing slacks. And oxfords. 

“It’s intimidating,” He tells you out of the blue after a moment of silence. Your eyes dart to his face, and your confusion must be all too clear because he chuckles. The deep throaty noise of it makes your stomach clench. “Letting people help,” He fills in, “choosing peace.”

You make a face.

And John touches you.

His hand slides, big and warm, over your back. His fingers spread wide and he leans into your space like he might pull you closer, except you suddenly feel rooted in place. Fear shoots through you, anxiety punctuating your breaths unnecessarily. You fix your face quickly, tamp down the surge of adrenaline that makes you want to run. John isn’t doing anything but looking at you, his smile the same placid thing even as his brows twitch in concern.

“Sorry,” You find yourself apologizing, trying to unlock some of the stiffness in your shoulders, “I’m not used to people touching me.”

“It’s a natural response,” John doesn’t move his hand, his thumb rubs against your back and you feel the unnatural drag of your shirt against your skin like sandpaper, “You’re trying to protect yourself. Silly little thing that people have gotten into their heads these days, that everyone’s out to get them.” He tips his head, and you’re hit with a wave of claustrophobia, the open air seems to sink into you until you’re a single focus point in a tiny void. “Doesn’t that feel awful?” 

His words feel like they’re sinking into you, echoing every thought that bounces through your tensed musculature. It feels awful, you feel like a cornered gazelle, like a lame wildebeest, like a fly trapped in a spider’s net. 

You feel almost pleading the way you must be looking at him. Humiliated to react like this to something so simple.

He smiles brighter and his hand leaves you, you suck in a breath and feel your lungs ache, “That’s why it’s so important to pick apart that distrust, humans are social creatures, made to be connected to each other. All from the same warm pool, yeah?”

You nod. John nods his head towards the rec center.

“Let me walk you in, you’re here for Gaz’s class right?”

“No, um, Kyle’s.” You correct.

“Ah,” John laughs, his hand reappears on the small of your back, pushing you forward, “old habit, that’s what we called him in the SAS. You’ll like him, not as touchy as me.” He pulls his hand away with a small apologetic smile, “force of habit.”

“It’s fine,” it’s not, “Everyone around here is so friendly, I just have to get used to it.”

John hums, “Already untangling the web, good girl.”

Your stomach clenches pleasantly. You can see why Nina likes him.

[vevobly]

Feel

Jackie loves you. The problem is, do you?

Trigger Warning: this post contains themes of a toxic and deeply unhealthy relationship—reader discretion is advised. This content is fictional and does not reflect endorsement of such behavior.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened and you stared at Jackie with your mouth agape. “J-Jackie... what?”

“I love you,” Jackie repeated, her voice steady but her words slow. “I've loved you for a while now, okay? I just didn't say anything because, well, people talk. And I couldn’t risk that. But now? I don’t care. I’m saying it.”

You let out a breathy laugh, disbelieving and incredulous all at once. “Jackie, you can’t just—what? You don’t mean that.”

Jackie took a step closer to you until she was just within arm's reach. “Oh, but I do mean it. Why would I say it if I didn’t?”

You took a step back, your back brushing against the rough wooden wall of the cabin. The flickering light of the fire illuminated Jackie’s face, her expression unreadable.

“Jackie,” You said carefully, your voice was low and rasping as you attempted not to stammer. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re just... scared. We all are. The crash, the cold.. it’s messing with our heads.”

Jackie's jaw tightened. “Don't do that.. don't tell me what to feel.” She said. “Don’t make this about the crash, the cabin, or any of it.” She continued. “I know how I feel, and I know what I want... And I want you.”

You shook your head. “No, you don't. Jackie, you're just...” You searched for the right words to say while trying your best to keep your voice steady. “You're just lonely, okay? We're stuck out here, and everything feels horrible. But when we get out of this.. when we're back home... this won't mean anything. You'll see that.”

Jackie’s eyes narrowed, her lips pressing into a firm line. “Why are you so scared to believe me?” She asked, her voice rising just enough to echo faintly in the otherwise quiet cabin. Everyone else on the team was out, hunting and searching. “I’m not lonely. I’m not confused. I’ve been thinking about this for months. Before the crash, before all of this. You think I just decided this now?”

“Jackie, this isn’t... it’s not real.” You shook your head again. “None of this is. We’re in survival mode. Everything’s heightened. You don’t love me, you love the idea of me because I’m... because I’m here.”

Jackie let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, come on. That’s such a cop-out,” She replied. “You think I’d risk saying this just because we’re stuck out here? I know exactly what I’m feeling. Don’t you dare try to tell me I don’t.”

You ran a hand through your hair, trying to make sense of whatever you can in this moment—to find the right way to respond towards her without setting her off.

“Jackie,” You began softly, lowering your gaze to the ground. “You’re... amazing. You are. And you deserve someone who can give you the same kind of love you’re looking for. But that person—i-it’s not me. It can’t be me.”

“Why not?” She demanded, her voice breaking slightly when she did. “Why not you? You care about me. I see it. You’re always looking out for me, even when no one else does. You’re different, okay? You make me feel.. normal, like me.” Her words hung in the air, raw and vulnerable in a way that she rarely allowed herself to be.

“Jackie, it’s not about whether or not I care about you. Of course I do. But this... this can’t happen. It’s not right.”

“Who decides what’s right, huh? Out here, none of the rules back home matter. Who cares about what’s right when we don’t even know if we’re going to survive the winter?”

“That’s exactly why it matters! We’re barely fucking holding it together out here, Jackie. If we cross this line—if I cross this line—everything falls apart.”

“I don’t get it! Why are you pushing me away? Is it because you don’t feel the same? Or is it because you’re scared?” She pressed on.

“For fuck's sake—I'm your goddamn coach, Jackie!!!”

[l-starlight-l]

The love of a hero

Two worlds collide

Previous: Masterlist

A/n: the gala chapter will def be the next one, this one is more of a filler chapter while I work on that one. I hope you enjoy it!

Warning: moody Jason

Description: Dick gives you some wise advice about your messy love life and the boy in question gets alittle jealous.

Pairing: dick x reader (platonic) Jason/Red x reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You felt nothing but confused these past few days. Jason was on a business trip and you hadn’t seen the red hood since he kissed you. You didn’t know what to do, who to pick. You may have been mad at red but that didn’t mean you didn’t feel that spark between you two. So in your mixed up mind, you did the only things that would make you feel better and called dick.

You two were meeting up at a bar in downtown Gotham. You had heard good things about it from coworkers but you were more excited about seeing your best friend. When you got there, he was already waiting outside like the gentleman he has always been.

When the two of you got settled, with no hesitation, he asked what was wrong. Was it that obvious, you thought to yourself already embarrassed. You weren’t sure where to start this long, confusing story., so you start with “I like this boy”. He raised a teasing eyebrow at you. A loud sigh escaped your mouth as you admitted, “and I think I like this other guy”.

He laughs and your body flinched with more embarrassment. “You don’t know who to choose?” He asked already knowing the answer.

You take a big sip of your drink before starting, “yes” you confessed, “there’s the one, my neighbor, he’s so sweet and kind and I actually feel like I know him, but the other guy” you smiled to yourself, “he’s kind of a mystery but he’s been opening up. The problem is I invited my neighbor to Bruce’s gala, so I thought we were like, I don’t know”.

He nods as you spit out all of this important, “together”.

“Well not together but getting there” you sigh with a flush creeping up your cheeks, “but the mystery guy kissed me, a few days ago and I think it changed things”. Guilt starts to work its way back into your mind, “I don’t want to hurt either of them, I just don’t know what to do”. Your eyes feel hot as tears start to prick your waterline. It didn’t seem so real until you said it out loud.

Your eyes close, on a verge of a meltdown when you hear that familiar laugher from dick. “You’ve only been in Gotham what, a few months and the men seem to be surrounding you”. You shoot him a dirty, but light hearted look. “Hey, I saw just let it play out, bring this neighbor boy to the gala and see how you feel after. You’re not dating either of them so it’s not like you’re cheating.” He orders you another drink seeing as you finished yours fast, “give yourself a break, you’re to overworked to be crying about boy drama that isn’t even boy drama”

Your shoulders relax as you take in his advice. He’s right of course, it’s not like the kiss was cheating. There was something about him that always made you feel better, maybe it was how long you’ve known him, his great advice or his annoying whit. Now knowing how pent up you’ve been it’s his mission to give you a good night out. You order way too many shots and by midnight you’re bother pretty wasted, you more than him. “Let me walk you home” he offers standing but sways a bit as he reaches for your hand. You interlock your arms to help steady you both and let him lead you back to your apartment. It’s such a normal touch between you that you think nothing of it, your interlinked arms make you seem like a sort of couple from outsiders. Even though that would never be the case no matter what state of mind the two of you are in.

You say your good byes and make him promise to text you when he gets home before going up to pass out or perhaps throw up. It’s a 50/50 at the moment. As soon as you make it up the stairs a massive figure appears in front of dick. “What are you doing” Jason’s deep, angry voice demands.

Dick is unbothered by his brother’s temper, he’s always mad about something or someone. He’s usually mad at him though. Lately dicks noticed TAHT hasn’t been the case, he’s caught the broody man smiling down at his phone or even just to his own thoughts. “Walking my friend home” he responds like it’s obvious.

A violent snarl escapes Jason’s mouth, he’s wearing his hood but from his voice dick can tell this isn’t the usual red hood anger. “How do you know her?” He barks out accusatory.

Dick takes a step back, sobering up now, “she’s my friend Jay, why are you so mad?” The seriousness in dicks voice calms Jason’s nerves. He just scoffs before disappearing back into the alley. “The fuck is his problem” dick mutters to himself before heading home. In the back of his mind he thinks about what your neighbor is like and hope that he has a better temper than his younger brother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[lemonemenom]

So mental health is wild.

[pwurrz]

of course terfs would get mad at a post reminding them that there’s more to being a woman than misery and suffering: they’re misogynists. they hate women. their misogyny is just the ‘woke’ kind where they re-enforce the idea that women are weaker and stupider and generally less capable compared to men but like, in a ‘feminist’ way 🤪💅

when you hate women and genuinely believe they are inferior, that they are lesser, it’s impossible to see that there’s any joy or pride or anything positive about being a woman. especially if you yourself are a woman who believes in this kind of self-deprecating mindset.

[tacitusk1llwhore]

Don’t mind me replying, but I love, love, love discussions like this!! So first, I definitely worded some things poorly in my original post. I was a little wine tipsy when I wrote it, so some things definitely didn’t come off the way that I wanted them to. So first, I didn’t mean to imply that Arthur was ignorant to racism; he isn’t. He knows it exists 100%—what I more meant to say was that Arthur cannot comprehend the thought process or actions of racism when applied to himself. Coming to find this woman you care for and your child murdered would lead to rationalization—how can I find a reason in the unreasonable as it relates to my thought process and feelings? Arthur would never consider killing someone for the sole purpose of being that they’re a POC, but he has killed for money—he could’ve simply equated their murder with money rather than race because rationalization can lead to the easiest conclusion! People have pointed out that I didn’t word or explain that well a lot, so it’s not just you who said it, but I am glad to be able to put it out there and clarify on that point!

I’m going to try not to harp on Dutch too much because I do have a post in the works about the cult-like behavior of the VDL gang and the fact that Dutch is an expert manipulator that preys on the vulnerable and marginalized because when you give someone everything, their loyalty will be more unwavering (see literally all of the stories of how people joined the gang). Dutch, I believe, was always like that; we see bits and pieces of it even as far back as chapter one. However, looking at it in the way of Arthur is his main workhorse, their enforcer, the man that goes on every job, and equating it to when John started to pay more attention to his own family and the very quick switch, we can only assume that Arthur leaving so often would not have gone down well with Dutch. Especially when we think of that fact that when they found Arthur, he was vulnerable—until then, he’s had no real connections outside of others that are also loyal to Dutch (other than Mary, who was high society and would’ve been far harder to easily dispose of; however, when she broke up with him, that problem was solved for Dutch).

However, now he’s got a family. A woman and a little boy, and he’s getting a taste of a life outside of this little bubble he’s created. If you know anything about cults, it’s that they don’t like outside connections; it splits your loyalty. John having a baby wasn’t great but more tolerable because Abigail lived with them. Arthur having a baby and leaving constantly to see them, give them money, would be a far bigger issue for Dutch. Arthur is outside of their group, with someone who hasn’t been indoctrinated into blind loyalty to Dutch, someone who has something that Arthur loves dearly: his son. With the evidence we have, that Dutch has always been like that, just in general, I would not put it past him to spot some down and outs or rough-looking people and point them in that direction. I mean, even if Eliza and Isaac weren’t POC, they aren’t prime robbery targets for the simple fact that they don’t have anything. I would not put it past Dutch to see this and sever the connection, get Arthur more vulnerable to pull him further in and back to this blind loyalty. Only now Arthur is cold, which means he can carry out jobs more diligently. It was a win-win for Dutch.

As for telling anyone there is evidence in-game that they did know (despite the assumption that they would know anyway from his absences that weren’t job-related), but if you say something to John about not playing with Jack, you can get an interaction in which Arthur calls John the “Father of the Year.” In a sarcastic manner, John replies back with “Look who’s talking.” Which first of all, damn, hit him with “ your sons dead and mine isn’t,” but second of all, leaves the assumption that they did in fact know that Arthur did have a son.

Also, just to add the working girl thing, he very willingly takes her hand and is led off. He’s more than ready…I mean, she’s living everyone’s dream and tries to rob him instead. Crazy to fumble Arthur Morgan like that. But from that alone, we can assume that Arthur likes WOC, like a lot lmao.

Thanks for the open discussion!! I love furthering talking points and integrating new points, especially for this post that I wrote not of sound or clear mind lol.

Would y’all hate me if I said that I think that Eliza was Black? Would y’all think I’m crazy if I say that because of that reason I don’t think she was killed over $10 like he believes but rather for a far more sinister and obvious reason (Black woman with a biracial child)? I don’t have any evidence of this, like at all— other than the fact that like the only working girl Arthur goes along with in the game is a Black woman, and the fact that not even he can fathom someone killing someone else over $10 and like history and stuff…I think that his lack of understanding the ability people possess to be racist to that extent and this would and could (and has) heavily skew his ideas on why Eliza and Isaac were killed (among other things) as he looked for reasons that make sense in his brain (killing POC for existing is not one of them, killing for money is).

Would y’all hate me even more if I said that if this is incorrect, my second theory is that Dutch was involved somehow in their deaths?? I mean, Arthur away all the time, sending money, spending time, traveling to get to them. His focus isn’t on the gang nor on him; his loyalties have split, and we all know how much Dutch doesn’t like it when loyalty to him is split. I don’t think Dutch himself killed them, but dropping a tip to some down-and-outs or sketchy men at the saloon about it, I don’t think, would be below him in one of his episodes. Do I have evidence of this? Other than the way he treated John and how careless he was when Abigail was facing death? No. Do I still see it as my second biggest theory? Yeah.

Could they have been killed for $10? Yeah. Am I reading too much into this? Probably! Do I care? No. I think there’s more to the story there. I do genuinely believe or hope rather that Eliza was a WOC. She is in my heart. I just know it.

[longlivetv]

I am a cupcake that feels no calling whatsoever to criticize Taylor Swift just to prove I am capable of doing so, please reblog this post if you feel the same because I’m looking to add more cupcake energy to my dash

[anarchne]

i wish i could remove the word “adopt” from kept peoples’ vernacular lol

[seventh-district]

sighs and collapses and disintegrates into the wind

[dewthegay4403]

DUDE YESSFF

SILLY YAP SESSION! ALL LOVE! NO HATE! GRAAHHH😼😼

lowkey the fandom always forgets that Nexus is a deteriorating husk of “Moon”. Moon literally was driven to insanity BECSUSE they cared so much about their family. Everyone always puts Moons GOOD actions onto Old Moon, but then brushes away every single little mistake known to mankind onto Nexus. Nexus shouldn’t be viewed as the villain. She should be viewed as a mentally ill character, because that is what she is. She turned to what only can be put as drvgs and a life groping for power because she knew the family would NOT accept her back because of her mental health.

Now I’m not saying the celestial family are the villains in play, but I am also? Eclipses recording showed Moon in a very disturbing state which should have been focused on more than the fact that Moon was going to make plans to kill Ruin or BloodMoon (two known villains/Anti-heros in tsbs. More on that in a second.) Earth wants to be seen as a therapist, and we can see that in the episode “Confronting MOON! In VRChat” Earth gets upset when Moon says she ISN’T a therapist. She says “I will NEVER forgive you for the words you just said to me.” The fandom agrees with Earth, “Moon has no right!” “She was just trying to help!” & xyz were thrown across the fandom, but genuinely most of these were incorrect. If Earth wishes to be viewed as a therapist, she does Infact have to learn to put aside her problems with her patient to actually help them, which she didn’t do. This of course simply reinforces Moons statement that Earth is not in fact a therapist and has a lot more to learn before she can become one. Of course this comes back to show Earth probably couldn’t have helped Moon even if she wanted to. She would’ve had too many difficulties and problems to set aside from Moon before she could’ve listened, learned, and helped. Now, to address something bigger. The whole Moon trying to kill Earth thing. Let’s jump into that.

“Moon KILLS EVERYONE!! In VRChat”

Moon enters the room at 3:55 and it’s quite obvious they’re going to kill someone. They say it’s not their fault if Earth accidentally dies. Skip to 4:30, Moon and Ruin talk about god knows what, their family and Moons insanity til 14:00. That’s about 10 minutes of talking which will provide importance in a second. At 14:00 Moon brings up they’re going to use star power and states they will not hesitate to kill everyone and everything in the room, including earth who is tied up. He actually shoots at 15:30, a minute and a half later. In this minute and a half, Ruin could have been untying Earth to let her go but for whatever reason chose not to. Same thing goes for the him talking to Moon for 10+ minutes instead of letting Earth go.

Now that has been covered, allow me to point out the differences between “Moon tried to kill Earth” and “Moon tried to kill BloodMoon and Earth was in the way”. Moon did not pointedly try to kill Earth. They tried to kill BloodMoon. This is VERY DIFFERENT from them trying to kill Earth. If you say Moon tried to kill Earth, you’re wrong. They tried to kill BloodMoon.

Twisting back to Nexus’ mental health and everyone’s view on it. I’m going to discuss the fandoms view of her mental health next.

Everyone always says “Nexus had no reason to go insane!” “Suns the real one who deserves to go insane!” “Nexus doesn’t deserve to go insane!” “Nexus doesn’t have enough trauma to go insane!” & xyz. Now, here’s where these statements are wrong. Somebody can’t deserve to go insane. They simply do. Insanity is not something that is willing, it’s something that is built up.

Think of it as a beaver dam. The water at first flows smoothly and openly. We’ll acknowledge this as somebody’s thoughts, emotions, and views of certain things. Then, here come the beavers. The event. It doesn’t have to be a big event. It can be little ones that slowly place up a wall. The dam that closes off everything else. Oftentimes the person will bottle everything up. Making the water stop flowing. Over time, the river will rise above the dam, and cracks will begin. This can go on for months, years even. Eventually, the dam will break. Snap. All those emotions and thoughts, and reason will get washed away in the thick of things and the river will swell, flooding the banks which will cause problems. Untreated, this can be incredibly bad for the person and cause them to deteriorate into a husk of the person they once were. This is what happened with Nexus.

I believe the start of the build up of the dam for Nexus would begin at his talk with Old Moon. Where he was told to kill himself for his family’s wellbeing. Reminder that this is fresh after Solars death, so the pressure is still on his shoulders. The build up continues through his breakdown and then we reach his hallucination. This is the point where I think Moons’ dam began to crack, twigs spring out and water slowly begins to flow only to be closed up too soon. We can watch as Moons dam slowly gets flimsy and then breaks from that episode to the Earth and Sun confrontation.

Onto the last part of my yap session. (Ur a real one if u read this far down.) Moons imprisoning which was a BIG SLIP UP.

Honestly, imprisoning Moon in a small cage was the worst thing they could’ve done. Leaving him alone for days, weeks even, with his hallucinations, only popping in every few days just to flat out torment them (Monty.) and continuously compare them to their “superior self” (Sun). Moon even stated that they were “Screaming at nothing and thrashing about” for days on end and Sun paid no mind to it. Which is genuinely surprising because Sun was in this exact position, but instead of paying aid to Moon, he orders the computer to shock him unconscious and walks out not another word nor glance.

God these robots man, THESE ROBOTS GRRR. They’re all flawed so perfectly to antagonize each other but the fandom is so closed minded they can’t sort out that each character has REASON for beings one way or another🙏

in conclusion I miss Nexus and her goofy self and Moon and their stupid braindead self☹️☹️

I miss new Moon

Honestly, I don't care about Nexus but thinking about what happened to New Moon specifically hurts me a little. I just still can’t believe that a character who we knew for a year could just go POOF so randomly and sudden

And the worst part is that everyone in the show acts as if he never existed at all. As if only Nexus existed and everything good he did in his life was actually old Moon

It's weird. I kept hoping for a happy ending for him. I even thought he would eventually just leave with Solar to some random dimension after realizing his mistakes. But unfortunately it seems that the only way for a major character to go off screen is for them to die

Anyway I'm already changing some lore stuff when redesigning characters so have the biggest change so far: my Nexus is alive and "domesticated" (I love domesticated villain trope a lot). He lives in Sun and Moon's basement and only goes outside to get some snacks because he is still very salty about everything that happened. Nice

[francisforever2014]

i know periods of loneliness come and go and i know that it’s Okay!!!! or whatever but also i’m really sick of it lmfao and it feels like it’s lasting Too Long this time and i really want a change but also every time this has changed i’ve just ended up feeling lonely in different ways . does anybody know what to do about this

[exopelagic]

i said i wouldn’t do it this time but it’s 3am and mods asleep. boy

[gregmarriage]

genuinely, being manic has completely fucked my brain up, even as i’m mostly recovered. feelings, i’m doubting, not even stuff i knew was probably fake, like actual feelings i thought very much to be true.

[epefanio]

Below will be a list of all of Kabuto’s wounds and what they would affect medically

Note: this will cover up to Volume 40 because I haven’t read past it and I will update it later on as I read more. This will not cover every scratch and bruise he gets this will only be wounds I can justify him being effected by in the long run. A lot of these you can probably say “oh but he can regenerate cells blah blah blah” I know!! And I said that originally but people are still trying to correct me on it. I said that it’s probably not actually permanent but ad a disabled person who kins Kabuto really heavily I like to think about the possibility that he may be disabled!

With that in mind I will be applying the best knowledge I can to it as someone with a hyper fixation in medical history, procedures, and anatomy.

I also do plan to draw a ref of all of this stuff later on so if that interests you it will be on my account sometime later on.

#1 - Glasses

Not much to say he wears glasses meaning he’s visually impaired. He has them since his first introduction in Volume 5 page 53. I will note that Dosu later breaks his glasses and he does get past the first exam without them (Volume 5 page 138). This could give us a bit of an insight to if he’s near sighted or far sighted but we also don’t see him actively taking the test so he may have not even done it.

#2 - Partial Deafness

Right before the start of the first exam Kabuto insults the sound trying to purposely rile up team Dosu. During this Zaku distracts him allowing Dosu to land a straight on attack right into the eardrum (Volume 5 page 69.) Kabuto then falls and vomits (Volume 5 page 71.)Nausea and sound can be related in many ways! There’s more research to be done on it but some forms of white noise can cause a hormonal stress reaction which can lead to nausea. While noise sensitivity is associated with neurodivergence (which Kabuto shows signs of especially when it comes to his scalpel collection) saying him vomiting from the sound of the RES (Resonating echo speaker) being a sign of that is simply not fair. The RES is a weapon that specifically targets the ear drums meaning that simple noise sensitivity isn’t the full blame for him vomiting. In fact bad vibrations can also affect the eyes due to the fluid in them. The sound from the RES was enough to shatter his glasses (Volume 5 page 70.) The standard frequency to get glass to shatter is around 550 hertz and 105 decibels. Anything above 70 decibels is when it starts to get dangerous and the 105 decibels were just from the waves carrying on to his glasses not the actual concentrated sound that went directly into his ear. Keeping all of that in mind Kabuto also just bluntly states that since that attack he can’t hear anything in his left ear (Volume 8 page 42.)While this can be an excuse to get out of the exams he later mentions it in private to Orochimaru (Volume 10 page 117.) He does not mention his deafness specifically but does say that Team Dosu broke past his defenses meaning he might have not been able to heal that with regeneration. Also on that topic since he still needs glasses I’m going to say he can’t heal/fix injuries that relate to neurological conditions such as sight or hearing, but injuries like the cut he got in his nose and the abdominal injury which are muscle based are fixable.

#3 - Balance/Nervous system malfunctions

During Kabuto’s 1 v 1 with Tsunade she strikes his nervous system and changes the outputs of his brain inputs (Volume 19 page 38). This doesn’t really happen in real life exactly like this but I’m going to be using the current knowledge on Ataxia that’s available for this. Ataxia is when your brain or nervous system has problems with coordinating your muscles leading to clumsiness and poor balance. While Kabuto says that it’s insulting to use a jutsu like this on him he also never actively heals it. He learns how to adapt from it but doesn’t regenerate or fix it (Volume 19 page 41) once again leading to my thought process of he can’t do much for neurological damage (yes this is neurological Orochimaru notes it on Volume 19 page 38). While he’s gotten the hang if it Ataxia can worsen with stress or fatigue on the body which correlates to the tweet that started this. (Also shown on volume 19 page 53)The chakra scalpel takes a lot of focus to maintain making his movements sloppy. You can actually see him stagger on page 92 in volume 19.

There are more I want to talk about but I’ll do it in a separate post bc this one is glitching on me bc it’s so big

I think it’s really interesting that in Storm Connections Kabuto runs unsteadily

Kabuto is my main and best character in the game and it’s something I noticed when he uses chakra scalpel or when he runs in his intro

guessing they’re referencing his moves from this so he’s uneven but bc it’s a fighting game and not one specific scene it makes it seem like he was permanently damaged from the fight instead

I don’t think it’s means anything obviously but it’s interesting to think about how his nervous system may just be permanently fucked over making him unsteady when he gets worked up