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flightfoot · 8 months

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ML Fanfic Recs for 2023: 10K - 20K Words

So I’ve been going through and adding particularly good fics I’ve read throughout the year. Only Complete fics, of course. Enjoy!

Chat Noir and Marinette decide to fake date in order to get Buttercup jealous enough to confess. Why won’t that boy make a move on such a wonderful girl as Marinette? And why is he beginning to hope that Buttercup stays blind?

Adrien wakes up in Nino’s arms. Neither of them have any explanation for this, considering they were nowhere near each other the night before.

Marinette and Zoe uncover a ring stashed away in a closet. Why does it have an unusual effect on Chloe?

Felix isn’t careful enough when he goes snooping around the Agreste Mansion. Gabriel decides that he can’t let him roam free.

Kim bets Alix that she won’t be able to attend all of her friends’ weddings in a row. She has never been one to turn down a challenge.

All this and more below the break!

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May I Introduce Myself, Your Highness? by @chocoluckchipz

Whether picking up a stray animal off the streets or saving a dying child at the market, Adrien had always strived to be the best version of himself. Truly, he would've been the perfect candidate to be snatched up by a kwami, were he an orphan, dying somewhere remote after a short life full of nothing but suffering and misery. Yet as it stood, the sole heir to the French throne had little to complain about. Apart from, perhaps, a complete absence of a love life. That is until a mysterious girl, wandering around his gardens at night, catches his attention.

I love Fantasy AUs. It’s a bit unclear what’s happening at first, but it all gets explained in the last chapter. Also don’t worry about the age gap between Marinette and Adrien at the start of the story, I promise it’s not a problem in the end.

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do you think I have forgotten about you? by @roseinaugust

Based on the song 'About You' by The 1975. Memory Loss. Told in alternating time lines, one leading up to and one dealing with the aftermath of Marinette relinquishing the Miracle Box and the guardianship. Marinette struggles with her life after losing her memory, though there is a persistent voice that calls to her that always seems just out of reach in her memory.

Beautiful memory loss fic here, with seeing Ladybug’s and Chat Noir’s relationship before she gave up the Miracle box, juxtaposed with the present day, when Adrien is only a stranger to her. I could really feel how Marinette was struggling with navigating these new circumstances, with her friends seeming to expect her to remember, to be who she was to them, to Adrien especially, before, and her just... not knowing whether she can do that. It’s got a happy ending though, for those who are concerned about that.

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Creative Lies and Destructive Truths by @azuriteartist

Alya and Lila are two sides of a never-ending fight. The fight between truth and lies, between honesty and deception, between justice and personal gain. And now they have the powers to elevate that fight to a city-wide level.

Can Alya stop the deception before it destroys the city? And can Lila stop the truth before it destroys her?

So everyone who’s been around my blog for awhile knows how much I love Alya getting the spotlight (I mean my sideblog alyaappreciation is dedicated to her, because frankly, she needs it), and azurite’s lovely fic here is no exception. Fu ended up giving Tikki to Lila and Plagg to Alya. There actually isn’t tension between them at first, they get along well to start with, but Plagg knows Lila’s lying about things and eventually pushes Alya to take action once they grow alarming, until the two of them are both accusing each other of being liars as superheroes, and the public doesn’t know what to believe.

I’m betting there’s more of this AU to come. I hope so, I love the consideration and agency it gives to both Alya and Lila.

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How Marinette Learned to Stop Worrying And Love The Ball by @rosie-b

Hidden from the crowds thronging around the busy fairy portal in Paris's town square, a fae gate sits at the edge of the forest, locked, rusty, and full of ancient magic. Marinette thinks that this abandoned gate must not work anymore... but one day, a fairy disguised as a black cat steps through it.

Ah, Fantasy Soulmate AUs, my beloved XD. This ain’t the only one of this fic type I’m gonna be recommending. This is just a cute fluff fic without much strife. I love Marinette and Chat Noir being able to be childhood friends via his visits, even if he has to pretend to be her cat whenever he comes over, and I ESPECIALLY adore Alya being his chaperone and quickly becoming friends with Marinette in her own right. It ain’t a complicated plot, but it is a nice and warm fic.

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Vengeance Noire by @phiellydinyia

After a horrific argument with his father, Adrien escaped from the mansion with his heart in pieces. In hindsight, it made sense why an akuma was sent his way. He shouldn't have let his emotions get the better of him.

But he never expected Plagg to be even more upset than he was. He never expected his own kwami to be akumatized. To become the threat of a city he swore to protect. And what's worse is the fact that Chat Noir can't jump in to save this one.

But Ladybug can. And that's why he has to find her as quickly as possible, suit or no suit.

I love some good Adrien angst, especially with a delicious side order of Plagg and Adrien’s bond with each other. Even as Adrien’s barely functional, though, he’ll do everything in his power to save Plagg, even if Plagg wishes he wouldn’t go quite that far.

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the best laid plans (of bugs and bakers) by @mexicancat-girl

Paris is buzzing with the appearance of a new ladybug-themed hero, Scarabella.

Alya decides to use her second hero identity to help her best friend Marinette. A bit of her flirting with Marinette is bound to make Marinette's crushes jealous and finally ask her out! Her plan is fool-proof…!

Except when it's not. Not enough people are talking about Scarabella flirting with Marinette. How can Alya properly help her best friend if the news can't be bothered to cover Marinette's budding romance with Scarabella and only posts things about Marinette with Chat Noir?! So Alya puts her all into her plan, upping up her flirting each time she appears as the newbie hero Scarabella.

This totally does not backfire in any way.

I adore fics that center on Alya, I haven’t exactly been shy about that fact. This is a nice one for some Alyanette adorableness! (And some Scarabella and Chat banter, I really enjoyed reading that as well). “Fake” flirting to make crushes jealous tends to turn real very quickly, and this is no exception. It’s hilarious, Alya’s the last one to figure out that her romantic relationship with Marinette is very much real XD.

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Control by @generalluxun

A fun and rebellious gesture by her friend Zoé leaves Marinette accidently in possession of something more precious than she ever expected to hold.

It's a blessing. It's a curse. It's life itself.

She has no idea what to do. There is so much wrapped up not only in WHAT, but also WHO. Her friends and partners can offer advice, consolation, and support, but in the end when you are both Ladybug and the Guardian you are the one in control.

This is a fantastic SentiChloe fic. Marinette ends up with Chloe’s amok and isn’t sure what to do with it, whether to try to give it to Chloe, whether to try and use it to make Chloe a better person, or whether to just hold onto it secretly. Along the way, she ends up getting into Chloe’s head, getting a better idea of Chloe’s mindset, what she thinks and feels when she does the things she does. I loved seeing her struggle with figuring out what to do, it ended up being a great character study for both Marinette and Chloe!

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Within Your Heart by Inkyibis

It's Valentine's Day and Ladybug just wants to her superhero partner to find his love.

And what she wants, the Lucky Charm will create.

If only she could remember what it is she did last night.

Adrino fic here! Marinette’s drunk and feeling awful that her superhero partner is alone on Valentine’s (she’s in a loving and committed relationship with Alya), so she creates a Lucky Charm to help Chat find love! In this universe, Ladybug’s Lucky Charms have the power to create new rules for the universe to follow, such as making one that demands that if you have any magic in you, you have to tell the truth or else you’ll freeze. Or in Adrien’s case, that he has to wake up in the arms of his true love every day XD. It’s very sweet and I love both Adrien’s and Nino’s relationship, and the relationship between the rest of the Miracuteam members as well, even though that’s not the focus.

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This Distance Between Us by @coffeebanana

After defeating Monarch, the search for the Peacock Miraculous brings Ladybug and Chat Noir to a hotel room in London. But it's hard to enjoy the victory when Ladybug can't figure out why Chat's been so quiet, why he seems so sad. How's she supposed to help if she has no idea what's wrong?

This is a great Sentiadrien fic, with Chat freaking out about it and feeling like he’s not worthy of Ladybug’s affections, but not telling her what’s actually wrong because he thinks she won’t want him anymore if she knows. Of course, he’s wrong about that.

Also there’s a pretty intense confrontation with Felix, pissing Chat Noir off is a bad idea.

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Auspicious by The_Rabbit42

Entry #6 for AU April 2023: Reverse-Crush Kwami-Swap

Adrien is quiet and reserved whenever he's not consumed by stress. And between extracurriculars and modeling and his responsibilities as Mister Bug, he's often stressed. He appreciates his kitten, but he loves his bright and outgoing classmate. Not that she knows that.

Marinette's parents have always allowed her a good deal of independence, but she's felt her confidence skyrocket since getting Plagg. Simply being Lady Noire allows her to be more flirty and free. She likes her friends, but she loves her stoic and heroic partner. Not that he knows that.

This is just a lovely fic that’s exactly what it says on the tin. I like how Rabbit goes into what Lady Noire’s and Mister Bug’s dynamic is like here especially.

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Of Crisp Days and Crispier Cakes by @scribeofrhapsody

Gabriel wants to not be sick. Adrien wants to make a cake. Nathalie wants a chill birthday. Maybe they can help each other. Maybe it'll be a disaster.

So this starts off as just the cute fluff fic of Adrien and Gabriel attempting to make Nathalie a birthday cake that the summary indicates, but soon evolves into a more action-filled drama fic when Gabriel makes the terrible decision to akumatize a cashier while sick... a cashier who happens to be in the same shop as Nathalie and Adrien. Who are willing to put their secret identities at risk in order to save each other.

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After Irritation Do Us Start by @scribeofrhapsody

It was the most difficult decision of his life, but Gabriel did it. He let go of Hawk Moth. He moved on from Emilie. Now, all he wants is to enjoy life with his son and new wife. Unfortunately, a certain nephew of his seems to be determined to unearth what Gabriel needs to remain buried.

I love this look at what could have happened if during the season 3 finale, Gabriel had decided enough was enough and given up on being a supervillain, moving on with Nathalie instead. How much better things could have been if he’d just decided to stop - though Adrien still wouldn’t be happy to discover why Hawk Moth had suddenly stopped attacking.

Oh yeah, there’s an OC here called Gerald who Adrien’s puzzled by, since he’d never heard of this guy before the past year. At the end of the story you find out why he’s included in the story. It’s not a major thing, but it is kind of funny and fits well with the rest of the story.

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Rocking the Cat-Eyes by @buggachat

“I like being a girl.”

“That’s the alcohol talking,” Marinette snorted.

“I’ve always been a li’l jealous,” Adrien admitted.

“... Of what?”

“That you get to be a girl,” Adrien murmured, “and I don’t.”

—

When Marinette and Adrien host Girls' Night at their apartment, Adrien is easily welcomed to attend as "one of the girls"... but has a bit too much to drink. Some drunken confessions are spilt, some assumptions are made, and most of all...

Adrien is confused.

This is a great Genderfluid!Adrien fic. Marinette actually figures out that Adrien’s not entirely cis before he does, and tries to let him know she’s supportive... but unfortunately Adrien comes to some incorrect conclusions...

Anyway it’s a lot of fun, and Adrien rocks a dress and makeup!

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Desperation by OuzoAthena11

Marinette is at the end of her rope. There seems to be no hope for defeating Monarch, not now that he has most of the Miraculous and has figured out how to transfer their abilities to others.

Tikki has an idea: Awaken the memories of who Marinette was in the past to see if any of their knowledge across time and the multiverse could help.

But this means that Marinette might forever be changed, and so will Chat Noir, if he should choose to do this.

Little did they know that they knew each other in their past lives, and how frequently they crossed paths and even were a couple... well, that meant that they are soulmates.

Star Wars crossover fic here, with Marinette as Obi-wan and Adrien as Quinlan. I like how the reincarnation aspect was handled here, with Obi-wan’s and Quinlan’s memories being prominent and them “waking up” in a way at first, but those settling back down after a bit and Marinette and Adrien going back to being mostly themselves, but with a lot more life experience under their belts and some cool new abilities - which comes in handy for taking down Monarch!

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Family by @unecoccinellenoire

“You know,” Nino grins, “if you need advice on being a big brother in a year or two I’m sure I could help.”

The bottom of Adrien’s stomach dropped out.

---

Adrien struggles with the concept of his father and Nathalie having children.

So this is a world where Adrien and Marinette managed to defeat Gabriel, taking his Miraculous, with them giving him an ultimatum: they won’t out him as being Hawk Moth so long as he doesn’t cause any more trouble and does right by Adrien. Gabriel does, in fact, move on finally to Nathalie, giving Adrien a lot of mixed feelings to deal with. He still loves them both despite everything, but he’s also angry at them and he definitely does NOT want them to have children, both because he thinks they’d like any biological child they had more (he’s also harboring guilt from indirectly being the cause of his mom’s death), and because frankly, they screwed up too much with Adrien for him to want them to inflict that on another child.

And then there’s also Adrien dealing with the realization that he’s a Senti on top of that and wondering why he and Felix look the way they do, what Emilie’s reasons were.

It’s mostly just Adrien getting to talk things out, navigating this emotionally fraught situation he finds himself in now that the dust is settled.

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Galaxy In Your Eyes by @liiinerle

Arriving in Paris, Kagami almost immediately finds herself assaulted by a dark, infectious butterfly. When she wakes up, a ladybug-themed superhero is standing over her, and her eyes are like holes into an empty, vast, and incredibly alluring universe...

An AU where the two main Miraculous function differently from the norm.

Nice Marigami fic here! Or should I say, Ladygami - technically Marinette doesn’t exist, only Ladybug, who’s an immortal creation goddess, or something like that. But she still fights to protect Paris from Hawk Moth alongside Chat Noir, who is still a normal, squishy human underneath the suit.

Anyway, there’s a but of inspiration from Nimona here, with a lot of people being scared of Ladybug because she’s a bit... out there, especially when she shapeshifts to have like, 6 extra arms and a lobster tail. Kagami’s into it though XD

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Stay Weird, Ladybug by @diadraws

Ladybug receives an invitation at the end of a patrol!

Contains some of my own headcanons, most notably: MIRACULOUS HOLDERS ARE CREATURES!!! They get actual animal traits when transformed instead of just a costume. My tumblr is diadraws where I elaborate some more on my headcanons which may add some additional context to this fic if you are interested!

CONTENT WARNINGS: *major* depictions of panic attacks, discussion of child neglect/abuse, and a minor emetophobia (vomiting) warning towards the end.

I’ve loved the comics and fanart I’ve seen dia create for this AU, with Ladybug’s and Chat Noir’s more animalistic designs, so reading a fic set in that AU was a real treat! It’s mostly just a Ladrien sleepover at Adrien’s house, but it’s very nice and cozy, with some good character development of Adrien helping Ladybug with panic attacks she keeps having.

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Trapped by @consistent-chaos-corporation

Felix asks to visit Adrien as soon as his father is gone. Gabriel catches him snooping, looking for Adrien's Amok.

Everything gets worse from there.

Damn, poor Felix. He came to try and help Adrien, but instead Gabriel stole his Amok, forcing him to obey his commands, holding him prisoner in his basement for months. If you want some quality Felix whump, this is the fic for you!

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When Secrets Come Undone by SortaArtsy

Ladybug promised not to tell Adrien... but she never promised not to confide in Cat Noir. What happens when Ladybug unintentionally vents to the one person who wasn't meant to know any of it?

****MAJOR SEASON 5 SPOILERS WARNING! ****

May not be season 6 compliant when it comes out.

This is a “Adrien finds out what everyone’s been keeping from him post-S5″ fic, and I think it’s handled really well! He feels very hurt, betrayed, and disbelieving initially about being a Senti and his father being Monarch (...mostly being a Senti, it ain’t that hard to believe that Gabriel was a supervillain), and is angry at everyone who kept it secret from him, but he still handles it well, going and talking to the people involved, getting their reasoning and perspective.

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Wanted: Catnap by SortaArtsy

Adrien Agreste has barely been sleeping, trying to be everything expected of him. What happens when he spreads himself too thin? Sick!Adrien/ Cat Noir

Adrien’s just pushing himself so hard, trying to do his regular duties, until his illness forces him to rest. I love how concerned everyone is over him - even GABRIEL eventually relents and wants him to rest. It’s just cute and nice and fluffy.

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Felix is Fine by SortaArtsy

Felix wakes up sick, but is determined to keep it under wraps. Kagami refuses to be fooled. Feligami fluff. Implied past trauma/ abuse, though nothing explicit. Set post S5 so there are SOME SPOILERS!

If you want a Felix sick fic, this story’s the fic for you! I like how Felix and Kagami actually talk about why Felix is so determined to keep the extent of his illness hidden, what caused him to feel like he needs to do that, and Kagami’s understanding about it. Colt sucks.

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Our Tales Are Endless (That’s Why I Tell Them) by @joonapeach

Marinette lives a simple life - one surrounded by pretty dresses, fresh macaroons, and the calming view of Paris. It's a life she thinks she has always fit in.

And yet sometimes, when a certain boy comes by her shop with a flower and a new adventurous story, she can't help but wonder if there's something else she's missing.

This was a truly gorgeous story. It’s the classic “Marinette gives up the Miracle Box and loses her memories” storyline, exploring her life two years later. Even though she’s had time to heal and recover, she still feels like she’s missing something, something big. At least Adrien’s stopping by regularly to tell her stories about Ladybug and Chat Noir, even if she doesn’t understand why they resonate with her so well.

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a winter so warm by @rosekasa

winters were hard for even the best of vampires, but at least adrien had marinette to keep him warm with her cuddles.

december was going to suck without her. so it was only to be expected to get extra cuddles in before she left, right?

(well, not really, considering those heating supplements he was taking, but she didn't need to know about that).

This one’s mostly just cute cuddly adorableness! It’s basically like all those “Marinette gets the Ladybug trait of needing to cuddle up to someone for warmth”, but with Adrien instead. And of course featuring Marinette being a very talented witch who just wants to help Adrien stay warm when she isn’t there XD.

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The 8 Weddings of Alix Kubdel by The_Rabbit42

The bet is simple: with the Rabbit Miraculous, Alix will be speaking at all of her friends' weddings. No matter what age they tie the knot, she'll be there looking the same. From Alix's perspective, she's going to each ceremony and reception one right after another in a nonstop bender.

This fic’s a lot of fun! I loved seeing all the different weddings, as well as how Alix slowly felt more and more out of place, with going forwards in time. Some of the weddings could get, uh. Exciting as well XD. And while there’s been years in-between Alix’s appearances for her friends at the wedding, for Alix, it’s only been a few hours, if that...

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and I thought I heard you sing by @into-september

When Hawkmoth has been defeated and unmasked, Marinette is left with two problems and no solutions.

First, that Adrien is further out of her reach than ever before, and no-one can tell her how to get to him.

Second, that Cat Noir is far more troubled than she knew, and the only thing she can do is wait for him at the place they agreed to meet.

It’s your classic “Hawkmoth’s defeated and taken into custody but that means Adrien’s in for a rough time” sort of fic. Everyone’s worried about Adrien and wants to give him what comfort and support that they can, but he’s being hidden away from everyone (which I mean, honestly that’s a good move), so that’s not really possible. Plus, Ladybug’s noticed that Chat’s having a tough time in his civilian life, which worries her.

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Time Locked AU by PumpkinPatchworkQuilt

In Time Locked, instead of just fixing the damage it puts everything post akuma back to exactly how it was, people, buildings, memories, time. Since it’s more extreme than in canon it requires both The Cat and The Ladybug to complete the Cure,(and visually contains both as well). Because of this only those with a miraculous can recall the events and only those who cast the Cure will have any lasting effects from the fight and even then it’s limited to scars, phantom aches, getting a tad more muscle definition and of course spatial displacement in extreme cases.

Since technology is slightly resistant or incompatible with the miraculous magic, footage of right after the akuma attack will survive, on a technicality and as such only reappears when the time catches up the the recorded time, that could be minutes, hours, or days depending on how long it took to defeat the akuma.

First story: Alya’s Guide to Surviving a Magical Terrorist Which You Can’t Remember

In a world where the fight against Hawkmoth is kept secret from the public, one Alya Césaire sets out to bring the whole thing to light, (and possibly win a journalism award while she's at it)

This was an interesting AU, I loved the focus on Alya especially and her investigative abilities, figuring out that there was a battle between good and evil taking place in the background of everyone’s lives even though most signs of it are wiped clean after the battle’s over. And Adrien and Marinette pick up on her cleverness and want her to help! I love how much appreciation this fic shows for Alya.

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Stitched Together by @nedjsmlfavs

Stitch Witch Marinette was just supposed to be having a nice, terrifying outing with her best friends. She never expected to find a magically trapped kitten, but here we are! Whatever happened to this poor little guy?

Poor Adrien, being transformed and chained up for ages, having no idea that he was gonna be rescued. But at least he got to have fun at Marinette’s place as a cat!

Most of this fic is adorable, though with some dark undertones lying in wait. After all, SOMEONE chained up that poor little kitty...

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Love Remains by @kasienda

Marinette stood in the center of her own room. The pink walls were adorned with sketches and photos, and other unfamiliar souvenirs of her life. Her eyes jumped curiously from a hand made purse to a bowler hat decorated with a feather to a cork board covered in pictures of her friends.

She loved her room. Which made sense, she supposed. She had theoretically been the one to decorate it, but she didn’t remember decorating it. And now, the room was like a cave filled with treasure.

Because each little piece of it held a secret - some part of herself that meant something to her, a clue to what her life had been like before…

Before she had woken up in the arms of a boy wearing a magic black catsuit. His heartbroken sobs had caused something in her chest to twist painfully. She hadn’t understood why then, but from that very first moment she knew she had wanted to make things better for him.

She had no idea how to do that now that she understood what she had lost.

Sixteen years worth of memories.

The echoes of which were papered onto the walls and notebooks of her room just waiting to be rediscovered.

No one else seemed to share her excitement.

Unlike most “Marinette loses her memories” fics, this one isn’t super angst for Marinette - she takes it in stride. Now, everyone else, not so much. It’s really interesting seeing her contrast who she appeared to be before with who she is now, particularly when it comes to her previous self being in love with Adrien and not Chat, while she’s in love with Chat and not Adrien. Of course eventually she finds out certain things that makes that make a lot more sense. She isn’t so different from how she was before after all...

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Betrayal by @jennagrinsoverml

MAJOR EPHEMERAL SPOILERS!!

Ladybug planned to use Viperion's power of Second Chance to get Chat's identity to Su-han without Chat knowing or agreeing.

Of course, then the world went crazy, and she didn't go through with it.

But when an akuma exposes Ladybug's plan to Chat, he doesn't know that. He just knows that his Lady betrayed him.

He deals with his feelings in the best, most mature way he can think of.

He disappears.

So I, like a lot of others, wanted more follow-up on Ephemeral, and particularly on the betrayal of trust it was for Marinette to try to trick Chat Noir into giving up his identity to a third party without his knowledge or consent (I wrote my own take on that at the time, called Transcient, that I’m proud of). This fic did a good job of exploring that, with Adrien reacting in a manner that made sense to me (repressing his negative feelings about the situation as much as possible and trying to justify it to himself, but still feeling terrible despite his own best efforts), and how Marinette realized that she messed up, since Luka keeping it secret that he knows hers and Chat’s secret identities caused her to be upset as well. It did a great job of exploring those negative feelings and letting everyone talk things out, explain their viewpoints, and rebuild their relationships afterwards, which is something I really value.

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Swimming in Circles by @generalluxun

Life has moved on for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She's not where she thought she would be seven years ago, but she's still in a good place. Classes, hobbies, friends, her life is full despite the lingering shades of her faded yet sweet middle-school romance. Then just as quick at the first time, someone drops into her life and turns her into an absolute mess once more.

Love and crushes might be her undoing, but she's got a little more experience this time to weather the storm. This fateful stranger stirs memories as well as emotions inside of her, and with a forthrightness her old self would be jealous of, Marinette takes the plunge.

So this is a Trans fic, with Marinette’s new crush being a trans version of a certain classmate who she doesn’t recognize, who’s changed a lot, for the better. I like how it deals with the baggage she has with that person, has her think that through.

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Three’s company by @torvalvt

Kagami has been doing her best for years to ignore her feelings for her friends. It doesn't help that Adrien and Marinette insist on spending as much time as possible with her, even going so far as inviting her along on their dates together. If only the affection she felt for them wouldn't get in the way of their relationship. Because it is growing harder and harder to tamp down her feelings with how close they are getting to her.

This is adorable. Adrien and Marinette really want Kagami to join their relationship and she just doesn’t dare hope for it. If you want some adorable Adrigaminette from Kagami’s perspective, I recommend checking this fic out!

#ml fanfic rec #miraculous ladybug

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evans23 · 25 days

Text

I Shall Live On

Pairing : David Friedman x OC

Summary : It's twenty-three minutes before seven and the fate of David and his wife is at stake. It's twenty-three minutes before midnight and the fate of David and his wife was decided.

Tag(s)/Warning(s) : Angst. Mention of death.

A/N : Hello dear 😁 So, apparently people like to suffer in this fandom, so here it is. I tried something different, it's why my female character has a name, anyway I hope you still like it.

Also read on AO3

It was twenty-three minutes before seven in the night when the heart of Rose Benson Friedman stopped beating in her chest. She was twenty-eight, walking in the street of New Orleans after a day of work in a bookshop, ready to return to the house she shared with her husband, the detective David Friedman.

She had met David when she was twenty-eight, by a happy coincidence. He entered in the bookshop where she worked during her shift. He was looking for a book except that he didn't know the title. Only a part of the plot and the colour of the cover. It happened that it was the book she had been reading for two weeks at the time.

"And what do you think of the book ? Does it live up to the good reviews we can read everywhere ?" he asked her.

Actually, David hadn't read any reviews. If he had, he would have known that the press had destroyed the book and his author. He just needed an excuse to talk with Rose. For the first time in a long time, he had felt something strange, warmth, and alive inside him.

He hadn't felt like that since his divorce. To be true, he hadn't felt like that far before his divorce. He had married too young, his childhood lover, but after fifteen years of matrimonial union, they fell apart. David was so absorbed in his work that he didn't notice the distance that was settling in between his wife and him until he came back after long weeks chasing leads and pouring over shreds of evidence to find his wife in his bed with his best friend and colleague.

If he hadn't killed the man that day, it's only thanks to the alcohol which had numbed his senses. He still remembered how he had stood frozen on the threshold of the door, trying his best to not let the tears fall from his eyes. After all, he was a man, and never before had he cried in front of anyone. It was because of the alcohol. And the betrayal of his wife, of course.

He had run away, ignoring her wife shooting his name. He didn't remember where he spent the night, probably in his car, on the precinct parking since it was where he had woken up. In the morning, he came back to his home to gather all his things and he left while his wife was at work.

Six months later, the divorce was granted and one year later she married that little shit of Matty.

After that, David dived deeply into alcohol and work. He could have died if it hadn't been for Rose. The day he entered her bookshop was a holy day. It had saved his life. Rose was his redeeming love.

There was a ten-year gap between the two of them, but when they were together, sharing their thought, talking about their day or simply being domestic during a lazy Sunday, he felt more himself than he had ever been before.

However, the beginning of their relationship hadn't been easy. Indeed, she couldn't put up with his bad habits to dig his sorrow into a bottle of alcohol. Not that David was violent when he was drunk, but it is not what she strived for in a relationship. Therefore, one day, she gave him an ultimatum : the alcohol or her.

This ultimatum led to an animated quarrel, but eventually, David admitted he had a problem and he sought help. He was afraid to lose Rose, but seeing how hard he was trying to get rid of this addiction, she supported him as best as she could, and after a long fight, he became totally sober.

Now, he only drank grape juice, and never had he touched a drop of alcohol again. All thanks to Rose, who had saved his life in every sense of the word.

Because he had already got married once, without success, he wasn't up to commit himself again into marriage. After all, he didn't see the point of signing a sheet of paper to prove his love to Rose and she thought the same. However, when he got almost killed during an investigation, owing his life to Sadie, the FBI agent who became his colleague after their first investigation together and her retirement from the secret agency, he decided on a whim to propose to her.

Actually, not totally on a whim. More out of pragmatism. If he came to die, you would get nothing. Neither his money nor the house you were sharing. Maybe not even his ashes. Truth to himself, his proposal hadn't been romantic at all. She came to the hospital, sick with worry, but when she heard David complaining to a nurse before having the time to enter his room, she knew Sadie was right : David was more than fine.

"You scream quite loudly for someone who had almost got run over by a car," she said with a smirk.

"Rose," said David with a little smile.

His whole face had brightened with her entrance. Only she had this effect on him.

"Tell him he must rest !" almost ordered the nurse to Rose before leaving the room, slamming forcefully the door behind her.

"David, please, stop torturing the poor nurses," she joked, striding towards the bed where she sat down.

"I told them I was fine enough to go home but they want to keep me under observation for the night," he complained with a pout.

Rose kissed him softly, her fingers running through his blond hair with delicacy.

"And you should listen to them. You almost got killed today David !" she chided him gently.

"Talking about that, while I was in the ambulance, I thought seriously about something..."

He started explaining to her all the advantages of being married to a policeman. More interesting, a detective of his caliber. In fact, there were none if it wasn't for the sharing of love they had.

"David, what if you just told me what's on your mind rather than beating around the bush ?"

He stiffened, his hazel eyes fixing the wall in front of him.

"David ?" she asked, squeezing slightly his hand.

"I had a great deal of thought about something. Not only today. I've been thinking about it for some time now. But today, I realised I shouldn't delay it for any longer."

He felt silent, his eyes edging towards her suspiciously.

"Okay..."

"You do not have to answer me today. Or any other day. Feel free to say no. Besides, I expect you to say no. What an idea to say yes to such a stupid idea. I would never fathom what you can see in me, but hey, I'm not complaining, I'm lucky that you are smart but not enough to understand you could find someone far better than me..." he said with anguish, his hooked nose casting a shadow on his left cheek.

"Ok, David, I don't know if you're scarring me or if it's just the drugs the doctors gave you," she cut him off.

David sighed heavily. She wasn't able to understand what he was trying to tell her. To be honest, even he couldn't comprehend what he was saying. Maybe she was right, his mind was dizzy with the morphine he had received earlier to alleviate the pain.

Nevertheless, he hadn't felt more conscious, wishing for her to say the word he really wanted to hear and not the one he was expecting her to say.

"If something happened to me, it would be better if you were my wife."

Her eyes widened so widely that she looked like a fish, that one people could admire in a Japanese garden. If he hadn't been afraid to hear her say no, David would have laughed at her funny face.

"Are you proposing ? To me ?" asked Rose with incredulity.

"Of course to you. Who do you expect me to marry ? The Queen of Saba ?"

Rose ignored his sarcastic comment, too flabbergasted by what was happening.

"David, why does it sound like a business arrangement ?" she eventually managed to say.

"I didn't know you wanted me to pull out all the stops. You told me you didn't believe in marriage," he groaned.

She rolled her eyes, reminding him that he had said the same thing to her many times.

"Yes, yes... Only a fool doesn't change his mind. Don't tell me you want a ring," he moodily said.

"Of course, I want a ring ! A pretty one ! And Elvis," answered Rose with a smirk.

"Elvis ?" asked David, confused.

"Elvis Presley," she clarified.

"Isn't he a little bit dead ?" asked David, arching one of his brows.

"Oh, come on David, everybody knows he's living his best life on a private island. But I was talking about the one living in Vegas."

David had laughed so hard that he had almost popped his stitches.

"So, will you ?" he said after having calmed down from his hilarity.

"What ?" she asked, biting your lips.

"Little minx, you know what I'm talking about," groaned David.

"Yes, but I want you to propose to me correctly. Not as if you were trading an important business. We are not living in the Regency David !"

"Oh woman !" he grumbled.

Yet he obliged you by asking properly for her hand. And as a matter of course, Rose had said yes.

They got married six months later, in Las Vegas, with Elvis acting as a priest and Sally as their witness. Rose had invited her parents, but they were living in London, her birth town, and her mother was too sick to travel so far away and her dad didn't want to leave her alone, something Rose had perfectly understood. She had been saddened by the lack of support of her friends, but since she had moved into New Orleans, she had fallen apart with almost all of her English friends, some of them having been in the green-eyed monster's grip when she had won the green card thanks to a contest, and she didn't have built any strong friendship in America. But none of that mattered anymore since she had David in her life.

The wedding was everything both of them had dreamt about. Elvis for a bishop was obviously the greatest and misunderstood desire of Rose. David couldn't understand that fantasy of her, but as she didn't ask for much most of the time, he had graciously accepted, more than happy to get married in Sin City. Indeed, he had always wanted to try his poker skills at the great table of a casino. He didn't win that night, but he didn't lose too much either. After that, they ate some cheeseburgers and drank too much chocolate milkshake, then, David drove from Las Vegas to Los Angeles where they had spent their honeymoon.

Rose, who was a well of science in the field of cinema had led him all around the city, talking about all the anecdotes she knew about almost the beginning of the talking cinema. David always preferred books over movies, but seeing her so happy and in her element made him beamed with love and happiness. She had confessed to him once that she had tried three times to be accepted into one of the best dramatic schools in London, without success. She had finally given up, choosing to become a librarian. He never dared tell her that she was far too shy to be an actress, but she was skilled enough in writing to dabble with it and play aptly with words.

"David, you're far better than me in writing. You should write some thriller. You had seen so many things, you could compete with the best criminal authors," she had said once.

David had always written, but never before someone had acknowledged his talent for it. Not that he had thought of having any aptitude for that craft, but hearing her telling him how she loved his short story, something he had started to do when he went to therapy to cure his addiction, had made his ego thrive with pride. For the first time, someone was able to see more than his grumpy exterior and his being a detective. For Rose, he wasn't Detective Friedman. He was David, a man of many talents. A good cook, a writer, an affectionate lover, a support, her husband.

After their wedding, David had been afraid to see her moving away from him as his wife had done. But it never happened. On the contrary, it had strengthened their bond. Rose was always there for him after a hard day of workwhen the horrors his work forced him to see took a toll on him and she never blamed him for his hectic schedule. She understood his job was demanding, but also the importance it had for him. And for that, he cherished her even more.

For the first time, Rose and David were happy to be alive. Both of them had gone through difficult times, they had tried their best to get their life on track, their love had made him grow stronger, making them appreciate the little things in life, and able to see the hidden beauty of existence.

Unfortunately, life had a strange sense of humour. Five years after their wedding, Rose, thirty-three, collapsed on the ground of a little-used street in the Bayou. Superstitious, Rose consulted a medium twice a year. David always laughed at her, telling her it was all rubbish and she shouldn't spend her money on such a trivial thing, but she couldn't prevent the need to know, or at least having the delusion to know. She was a regular of Soraya, one of the most respected mediums in the vicinity. Rose would never forget what she told her the last time she consulted her.

"There's a vampire lurking in the shadow. It'll steal what you love the most. It'll fill your soul with murderous torments. It'll take a toll on your fragile heart. It'll make your heart burn with a rancid venom. You'll wish to be dead, but be careful because sometimes, we get what we wish. Yes, this vampire will try to bring you down, but two angels will look after you. One won't be alive, the other one will be your salvation. Both of them will save you from the darkness you will be surrounded by. Yes, Rose, a vampire will encircle your soul with its cold arms, it'll feed your sorrow, but your ghost will help you to see the light and an angel will give back to your mind the peace and love that will save your life."

Soraya often spoke in riddles, and if Rose was utterly honest with herself, she would admit that the medium had never predicted anything true. Until that day. When she had left the little shop with the heady smell of incense, a vampire had touched her heart. A vampire called heart failure. That day, in a dark alley in the middle of nowhere, in the Bayou of the New Orleans, the heart of Rose Frances Benson Friedman had stopped beating. She had collapsed on the ground, with no one to notice her motionless body and the rain started to drench.

At the same time, on the other side of the town, the detective David Friedman was in the middle of a shootout. A madman with a Kalashnikov was shooting in all directions, shooting that he was Rambo. When he saw a little girl, who probably was five or six, totally unaware of what was happening, David, listening only to his courage, ran towards her, grabbed her by the waist, and threw her to the ground. At the same time, his partner, Sadie, had shot the man in the head. The little girl screamed and cried, protected under the tall frame of David.

When the S.W.A.T. arrived to help the detective, the first thing they saw was a pool of blood. One of them, who had medical training, turned him with precaution. Another one took the little girl up in his arms, leading towards an ambulance while an emergency team was running towards David. It was twenty-three minutes before seven in the afternoon when a bullet reached the heart of David Friedman.

He was rushed to hospital, when, somewhere in the Bayou, another medical team was choking Rose Benson Friedman with a defibrillator with little hope to bring her to life. Her body was cold, the rain having been of no help to keep her warm. The team didn't know when her heart had stopped.

She had been discovered by a homeless man who had phoned 911, explaining in bad English that a young woman was lying, probably dead, in the street of the worst part of the town. She didn't seem to have been assaulted. She didn't seem to be from those living below the breadline. She was probably one of those crazy people who had her fortune told by a so-called local witch. Maybe the bitchy witch had given her some brew to get pregnant, poisoning her involuntarily.

Except that the homeless man was wrong. She hadn't been poisoned. It was just her heart that had broken. Little did he know that her life, if they were able to bring her back, would never be the same anymore.

It was twenty-three minutes after seven in the night when both, David Friedman and Rose Benson Friedman arrived in hospital to undergo surgery. Sadie was in the hospital waiting room, trying to reach Rose, phoning her again, again and again, swearing under her breath against the woman who didn't answer her call. For God's sake ! Her husband was severely injured. Her place was here, in the hospital, waiting and praying for him.

In another hospital, a medical secretary tried again, again and again, to get an answer from David Friedman, the emergency person of Rose Benson Friedman. After the tenth attempt, the young secretary swore that if it was there how a husband cared for his wife, she would never marry. Rose was dying, she would probably not last the night, she needed someone who loved her by her side. But no one was there for her. No parents, no friends, no husband.

It was twenty-three after twenty-two in the night when David and Rose had been brought back to life twice and had died thrice. The medical team in both hospitals was doing their best, as did David and Rose. Both of them, even though unconscious, were fighting for their life in the abyss of death.

Alone, in the little chapel of the hospital, Sadie who had finally been called by the hospital where Rose was losing the battle between the Angel's death, was praying for his colleague and his wife. She wasn't really a believer, but that night, she didn't know what else she could have done. She regretted having cursed David's wife for her lack of answer. But how could have she known the poor woman was in hospital ?

Thankfully, the medical secretary, well decided to find someone who cared for poor Rose, had looked up David's name on the internet and found out his name in a small article talking of a corrupted Senator. She had given an educated guess and called the local precinct to ask to be put in relation with the detective who was working in another part of the town, for another precinct. It was Matty, David's nemesis, who had answered the call, explaining to the secretary that David was fighting for his own life but that he would tell his partner about his wife, and what he did, letting Sadie decide if she should tell David about it or no when he would come back from surgery.

Sadie wouldn't have to tell anything to David. Instead, she would drive across town to check on Rose who was in a coma. She would have to call her father, a man who had just lost his wife, and she would tell him that he might lose his daughter too in the same years, four months after the loss of his loved one. And if Rose ever woke up, what she hoped from the bottom of her heart, then she would have the heavy task of telling her.

It was twenty-three before midnight when the heart of Detective David Friedman stopped forever. It was twenty-three before midnight when the heart of Rose Benson Friedman had started again.

#alan rickman x reader #david friedman x reader #alan rickman #david friedman x oc #judas kiss #evans23

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poisonnxkki · 1 year

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Mistakes I Made In The Beginning Of My Practice🦋

What Makes Something a Mistake?

How do we define a mistake? How do we know when we've messed up? These were questions that haunted me in the beginning of my practice. I was overly worried about doing things wrong and having to pay the price for those mess ups. The uncertainty of it all made me really hesitant to start experimenting in my craft. I would later come to terms with the fact that mistakes are inevitable, but as a beginner I was definitely intimidated.

The truth is, I'm not really sure there's a surefire way to know if something is a mistake until we've messed up. Spell work can be tricky in the sense that we often define our own parameters of success. This means that a spell can be failure to one person and a success to another based on their personal views of what success means. If a spell has consequences that we don't intend it to have or manifests in a way we weren't expecting, does that constitute as a failure? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. In my opinion the best way to determine if something's a mistake is to mess up. You won't know until things go wrong.

How I Rectify Mistakes:

To start, remember mistakes are inevitable. We can't avoid them and we shouldn't try to. Sometimes spell work isn't going to manifest in the way we were expecting. Sometimes our spells are going to force us to confront uncomfortable truths or set boundaries in order to get what we want, and there may be no other way around that. This is a reality that we should strive to accept rather than avoid.

But what happens when we actually do mess up? How do we go about fixing what we've done? I follow a few guidelines which help me determine what my next steps should be and hopefully these are helpful for you too.

Determine what has happened and if the spell is influencing the situation- the effects of some spells are relatively short lived so if the spell isn't currently influencing the situation then you're on damage control (and a good cleansing should be enough). However, some spells (often spells that are contained within a vessel or are tethered to you) need to be undone first.

Cleanse or banish- depending on the type of spell you may feel like cleansing just isn't enough. If that's the case, doing a banishment of the effects/energy of your previous spell should do the trick.

Mundane over magical- the effects of spell work often show up in our daily lives so taking the time to fix/heal from life events is super important.

Reflect- it's important to try and understand exactly what went wrong. Were you specific enough? What ingredients did you use? What order? What did your petition say (if you used one)? Where was your mind when you were casting? Going over how you did the spell can be helpful when determining what went wrong. It's important to reiterate that sometimes our spells are going to force us to confront uncomfortable truths or set boundaries in order to get what we want. Something that feels like a mistake now, could play an important role in you getting what you want later on so keep that in mind.

Mistakes I've Made:

I've talked about this before but I once did self-love spell for myself and a group of friends. This was fine, my mistake was trying to do them at the same time. I ended up accidentally binding myself to all of them. Months later we had a major falling out, which inevitably ended our friendship and was especially difficult on me. I was sick for several days and ended up doing several chord cutting spells to rectify the situation.

I was struggling with severe anxiety a few years ago and decided to do a spell to help with it. The problem was that I didn't define what I wanted from the spell. I kinda just said "no more anxiety" and lit the flame. When doing this spell, social situations had been the driving force behind my anxiety. However, it became health related after this spell. I should have been more clear in my intention when doing that spell but more importantly, I should have known that there is no "easy" fix for anxiety.

My first baneful protection was a blunder because it didn't work. I was nervous about messing up, which caused me to. Something I find influences baneful protections are boundaries (and our ability to set them). If you can't set boundaries in the physical world, then you aren't going to be able to set them energetically (in my personal opinion). I was an absolute pushover in relationships. I let people take advantage of my kindness and had trouble putting my foot down. My energy reflected that and the baneful protection did absolutely nothing, it was both a waste of ingredients and time.

🖤*All images are from Pinterest*

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discretocincel · 4 months

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(Still) Craving your kiss

I managed another 2k words for today's prompt, take that writer's block!

I went with 'Pining' for today's prompt for RadioApple Week 2024. Check it out on AO3!

Ever since the number of residents in the Hazbin Hotel reached the double digits, they had to be divided for Charlie’s activities towards redemption, with a different member of the staff looking after smaller groups while Charlie herself checked on them at short intervals, always hastily but never unkindly nor thoughtlessly. After that dynamic proved to work, and following Alastor’s suggestions, the groups were made a permanent feature of the hotel, and the staff had their duties expanded, which suited Lucifer just fine. They adopted the official title of counselors, and after enough time had passed, Vaggie, Husk, Alastor, Lucifer and even Angel Dust had around twenty residents each, and the numbers only seemed to be going up. There was the occasional departure of a member, either because they found the exercises too difficult or boring, or some other reason that they would keep private, but those could be counted on the claws of one hand. After the news of Sir Pentious’ redemption spread, the exterminations were officially suspended, and Heaven started regularly meeting with Charlie, those who once opposed the hotel decided to keep quiet, and the ones who used to mock it liked to pretend they never did. Hell was still chaotic and dangerous, the sky was still red, and the stars couldn’t be seen, but Lucifer found the air just a little bit lighter, the smell the tiniest bit sweeter, and the covers of his bed not nearly as absorptive as they had become in the last couple of years.

And it was all thanks to his little girl. Lucifer was truly proud of her. She had grown a lot when he wasn’t looking, which was why he strived to keep his eyes on her as much as he could nowadays. She was a bundle of energy, so it shouldn’t have been as difficult as it felt at times, but they were all busy with the success of the hotel. His heart always grew in size when he got to see her, no matter the reason.

When she found him in the kitchen pouring himself his second mug of hot chocolate of the day, he went with one less sugar cube than usual, in consideration for what her smile did to him. After exchanging greetings and some innocuous small talk, they both took a seat with their beverages in hand—coffee for her, with cream and sugar.

“Dad, could I ask you for a favor?”

“Of course, Char-Char!” he replied, a little bit too loudly, buzzling with excitement. “Whatever you need, you just got to ask!”

“Could one sinner from Alastor’s group switch to yours?”

Lucifer frowned. While it was to be expected to have newcomers request a change from their groups in their first couple of days at the hotel, whether that was because of animosity with other members or simply being in a different wavelength from their counselor, there hadn’t been any new residents integrating Alastor’s group in the last month or so. It was a bit late for such a request. That pointed to a different sort of problem, one that could easily escalate.

“It’s fine by me, sweetheart, but may I ask why they requested a change?”

“Actually, they didn’t,” Charlie admitted with a grimace. “Alastor did, but he didn’t give me a reason. He told me that the sinner would fit better with Angel Dust or Husk, but since your group is currently the only one with an odd number, I figured this would be a good fix. What do you think?”

“Well… you know Alastor always has a reason for his suggestions, Charlie, but if you believe he’ll be fine with me, and if the sinner doesn’t mind, then that’s okay.”

“We can always switch him to a different group later!”

Lucifer wasn’t sure if having one sinner jumping between groups was sensible, but he was curious about the one sinner Alastor wanted out of his group and not the hotel. So, he said yes. His daughter caught him in a hug so warm and full of love that it convinced him it would all be worth it, no matter what.

Not five hours later, his group met as usual, rearranging the chairs in the room into a circle without him having to tell them.

The sinner that Alastor had removed from his group was a young guy. Not too tall, with leaves for hair in shades of orange, red, brown and yellow. His eyes were green, with a hopeful orange tinted gleam, and his skin was the rich warm color of cherry wood, with a similar texture. Fitting, considering the guy’s name.

As was his habit, Lucifer made up an excuse to leave the room and allow the sinners to interact without him for a little while, to satisfy some of their curiosity so the lesson would go smoothly. He didn’t think any of them had realized that he never went far, always ready to intervene in case it was necessary. In the four months he’d been doing it, however, he rarely had to step in earlier than planned.

He disguised himself as an ant —he’d turned into a cockroach once, and only once. He ran into Niffty and decided that never again— and went back inside just as the newcomer was introducing himself.

“Hi, my name is Carion Torchwood, and I’ve been in hell for thirteen years.”

“Hello, Carion!” Jellyfer, one of the nicer residents replied, only to be cut off from the rest of her sentence by the person sitting next to her.

“How was the Radio Demon as a counselor?”

“Does anyone in his group actually dare to speak their minds? I’d be terrified!” another one added, and it seemed like most of the sinners in the room agreed with him. Even Jellyfer seemed all too happy to forgo her good manners and leaned forward in anticipation to hear what Carion had to say.

“No, no, he’s actually really good!”

The first sinner to interrupt sneered in disbelief. He quickly asked: “Then why are you here and not there?”

Carion recoiled in his chair, wrapping his own arms around himself, perhaps to protect himself, or to make himself physically smaller. It was hard to tell; Lucifer didn’t know him well yet. He hadn’t gotten a chance to really look into his soul.

“I’m serious,” the sinner insisted, expression more solemn and voice more subdued. “He’s witty and a bit mocking, but he’s also very gentle and helpful.” Slowly, after he seemed to give himself silent encouragement, he returned to his initial position in his chair, leaning forward and posing only his tiptoes on the floor, hands on his knees. The gleam in his green eyes also came back with a vengeance. “I’m sure he’s as powerful as the rumors say, because no one becomes an overlord without the power to back it up, but he doesn’t go around intimidating us.” His expression, which until then had been one of fierce determination, softened into something more tender. “He listens and makes suggestions, so we come up with answers to our problems by ourselves, and he always is able to dissipate any tensions that arise in between members with a joke.” He chuckled. “He’s great, really.”

Oh.

Now Lucifer understood. He understood everything.

He made a show of returning to himself outside before officially reentering, then cleared his voice, instantly attracting all eyes in the room towards him. It was easy to tell which ones had noticed his presence beforehand and which ones hadn’t, Carion belonging to that second group. The subtle darkening of his cheeks suggested he was flustered, but it was hard to tell with the texture of his skin. Lucifer gifted him an appeasing smile, hoping to make him feel welcomed. A part of him was sympathetic—he certainly could relate, to a degree. He pushed down the other, more vicious part of himself that wanted to do harm. He couldn’t possibly blame the sinner for having impeccable taste.

“For today’s session, I was thinking we could focus on the dangers of idolatry. Now, I know you all can tell the dangers of blindly following without questioning, for ultimately, it is impossible to learn the true intentions of the person you’re following. So that’s not the lesson I want you all to learn. I’d like to focus on the downside of idolatry, for the one being idolized. You see, audiences tend to possess this entitlement where they believe that public figures belong to the public. They demand things that were never offered, convinced of the sincerity of their own feelings, born of assumptions and surface level knowledge.”

He smiled, breathing a little easier when no one questioned the morals about idolizing angels and his Father. He was not ready for that conversation. But when it came to sinners following other sinners and organizations, he had quite the long rant prepared. By the time he was done, it seemed obvious that more than one sinner had taken the words to heart, if their sheepish and apologetic expressions were to be believed. He still had them pair up and play a few games, but nothing too emotionally taxing. He concluded the session with enough time to spare before dinner and watched them depart sporting a satisfied smile on his face.

He kept it there all the way until he was ready for bed, only for it to tinge with nervousness once his roommate appeared, still wearing his coat and shoes. Lucifer greeted him with what he hoped was his normal cheerfulness, but hurried to open the book he kept in his nightstand, to appear busy.

“I received an interesting letter today,” Alastor said, going to sit by Lucifer’s side, crossing his legs at the ankles and resting one hand in the middle of the bed, trapping Lucifer under him.

Lucifer hummed, arching his eyebrows in curiosity and redirecting his gaze towards the Radio Demon to show that he had his attention. He kept the book open in his lap, even though he had simply opened a random page in the middle.

“From one Carion Torchwood,” the sinner added, narrowing his eyes. “Sound familiar?”

“Perhaps…”

It was Alastor’s turn to hum, his tone one of suspicion, as he tilted his head to one side at an awkward angle.

“What did the letter say?” Lucifer asked.

“It was an apology.”

“Oh? What did he need to apologize for?”

“I had Niffty make some queries, so I heard all about your last lesson.”

Lucifer felt his face grow warm, but he did his best to keep his expression one of casual amusement.

“Is that so? Well? What did you think? I’ve heard nothing but the best about your performance so far, so if you have any advice—”

His first impression of the Radio Demon had been that of a thief. The sinner shamelessly had attempted to steal his daughter, he might have attempted to steal his power, and then he even managed to steal his heart. Effortlessly, as he buried his hands in Lucifer’s curls and joined their lips in an enthusiastic dance of tongues and teeth, scraping lightly and mixing their blood inside their mouths, once again he succeeded in stealing Lucifer’s breath away. Yes, Alastor was a thief. He so easily stole whatever caught his eye that he even went around stealing other people’s hearts without trying.

He'd considered, for less than a second, telling Charlie that Carion truly would be a better fit within Angel’s group. He quickly discarded the thought, for a myriad of reasons, some far more selfish than others, including the need to keep an eye on the offender. But the loudest argument inside his mind had been, how could he judge anyone for falling just like he had?

“Let me know if he ever bothers you,” Lucifer mumbled, not wanting to stop touching the opposite lips long enough to speak properly. One of his hands, which had at some point come to rest on the sinner’s hips, slid slowly towards one of his favorite of his lover’s furry appendages. “As his counselor, it is my duty to guide him towards redemption, and that includes correcting his mistakes.”

“Does that include punishing said mistakes, Your Majesty?”

Lucifer grinned. “I believe that depends on the severity of the mistake, don’t you think?”

Alastor chuckled, his breath tickling Lucifer’s face even as he leaned back slightly. After he straightened his back and licked his lips, smearing a bit of golden in one corner, he gifted Lucifer one of his rarer, coy little smiles, one that was higher on one side of his face than the other, and he lightly shook his head.

“I will let you know, but I believe your lesson today will be enough to correct his behavior. Thank you.”

Lucifer reached out to grab the hand that wasn’t supporting the deer’s weight, intertwining their fingers and squeezing once in a wordless message.

“It was my pleasure,” he replied, sincerely. He had fun imparting knowledge, and he wouldn’t mind doing it again. Albeit he’d preferred it if no other sinners went around falling for what was his, even if they didn’t know it.

Outside, the sky was engulfed in darkness. There wasn’t a hint of red, but there were no stars either. He’d made his peace with that a long time ago, but every once in a while, the absence of light still weighted heavy on his heart.

He no longer had a heart bringing him down. It had been stolen away by the demon currently sitting on his bed, even though nowadays he wouldn’t hesitate before handing it to him, no matter who was watching.

Stars, he wanted at least someone to be watching.

#fanfic #ao3 #hazbin hotel #radioapple #appleradio #lucifer morningstar #alastor #jealousy #pining #radioapple week

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otomes-and-tears · 9 months

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Wondering what your thoughts and opinions are on the rest of the jerk squad boys, especially Nate?

Know that asking me this was a mistake because I’m RABID for them. I’m FOAMING at the mouth and shaking just at being asked to ramble about my boys because I am plagued by thoughts of them that I’m absolutely going to unleash upon you now.

This is not going to be coherent at all. I apologise for that.

By the way— since I already talk about Shiloh way too much, he’s not going to have his little section here. If you want to see my rambles about him, please check my masterlist!

I’m probably going to talk about Jeremy separately because…. I actually haven’t finished his route. It’s the only one that’s left.

Since you asked about him first, Nate is one of my favourite boys. I have a special place in my heart for him because he kind of reminds me of my girlfriend, and I do think that his dynamic with JB is one of the most entertaining in the bunch. He’s always snapping back at her and it’s so fucking funny. Every time they’re out together I keep getting this mental image of JB being strapped in a baby leash with Nate trailing behind her like an exhausted parent.

Like Shiloh, he’s also a character that I think about a LOT, particularly about the way he handles (or does not handle) his emotions and his obsessive need to have control over everything around him.

I think it’s really telling that Nate continuously strives for perfection and frequently neglects his own emotional needs when he practically raised himself, admittedly saw the school as his home, and when we know for a fact that he was seen and treated as a mini-adult throughout his life.

Like, you cannot tell me he wasn’t praised endlessly as a child for being independent and self-sufficient and then when he grew older people were constantly exasperated that he was too independent and didn’t know when to ask for help when needed! Nate is probably endlessly confused as to why something that was touted as being such a good trait for a good portion of his life suddenly became a problem.

Anyways, I think it’s kind of tragic how he spent most of his life at that school and I legit teared up when they graduated. It’s also very sweet how despite being a perv and living to make him uncomfortable, JB is surprisingly respectful of his boundaries regarding physical touch and doesn’t push him to kiss or hug her. Yeah, she teases him about missing the perfect moment but she’s happy to let him decide when he’s ready to do all of that!

It’s also nice that she tries to support him, even if she isn’t exactly good at it. SHE’S TRYING HER BEST BC THEY LEGIT LIKE EACH OTHER EVEN IF THEY BOTH HAVE ISSUES!!

Regarding Everett… I didn’t expect to like his route as much as I did, but he has SO MUCH ANGST POTENTIAL.

Like, his whole relationship with Nate? The fact that he’s a momma’s boy?? HE WAS REJECTED BY PRAN In like, the WORST way possible??

It’s just, chef’s kiss. A whole lotta angst wrapped inside a tiny, hipster-shaped package. Pure perfection.

My only issue with his route is that the whole time, I felt like JB was getting in between him and Nate. This is my headcanon, but I feel like after high school, if JB and Everett don’t immediately have an explosive, dramatic breakup there are only two possible routes: either he leaves her for Nate or they add Nate into the mix.

I’m sorry, but no other alternatives compute for me, not after their conversation in the tunnel of love. That shit goes way past just a codependent friendship.

I think I’ve mentioned this once before but Bae is likely my second favorite jerksquad guy. I can’t really explain why his condescension is so funny to me, but it might be because my favorite parts of the game were the group meetings and Bae’s borderline paternalistic attitude towards the other characters (because he’s mAtURE and knows what’s best for them) and his sarcasm made for some really great dialogue and some of the funniest scenes in my opinion.

Just as a side note— I played xoxo blood droplets and Bae’s route made me realize how much potential he has to be a yandere in an au! And now that I’m thinking about this I NEED to write about it. Even if it’s just headcanons or something.

I love him in game. I’d probably throw hands with him three minutes into a conversation if he existed IRL. I sent my girlfriend screenshots of his sons of his scenes while I played and she said that I was a bit like him. It made me reevaluate my life LOL

Okay so, I’m going to be real with you: Pran is my least favorite of the boys. I’ll admit that when I played through his route last year I kept complaining about not having that much fun and not liking him a lot as a character. My view changed as I got to the end of the game:

Pran’s is still my least favorite route but he’s one of the most interesting guys to analyze.

In the end, even if it took me a bit to get into it, I still ended up enjoying it immensely anyway.

I think what made me dislike him at first was that, ironically, I think that Pran as a character works best in group scenes. He’s a contrarian and he’s very quiet most of the time, which makes his very occasional interjections some of the funniest moments in the meetings, but that’s also why I didn’t find his dates as fun LOL

I think that with the other characters I had a better time because how they played off JB during their dates, while with Pran it was funny to see JB trying so hard to engage with him or get a rise out of him just for him to barely react (and it makes the instances where she does manage to catch him off guard very rewarding) on the first few times, but it started to get old for me. There’s only so many times I can hear him say no, and that he doesn’t care before it gets annoying.

For me the highlight of his route was seeing Shiloh have a weird, one-sided beef with him. Shiloh pretends to like everyone but this is where he draws the line apparently 😭

Anyways, you might be wondering why I said he’s one of my favourites to analyse if I didn’t have much fun playing through his route. That’s mostly because of his backstory, which I genuinely find to be fascinating.

He’s basically a textbook example of avoidant attachment, which is due to the severe neglect he suffered as a child. Honestly, I could make a whole post about this alone if anyone is interested.

That coupled with having to adopt a mentality where nothing he ever did or said was ever right, because either his parents or grandparents would get upset, which led to him always being quiet or choosing the contrarian option, and you get a pretty fascinating character to think about. It’s interesting to examine his relationships through this lense: it makes complete sense that Pran has a difficult time engaging with JB and connecting to her emotional needs. The few relationships he has maintained exist out of necessity! And he tries so hard to push her away, in the same way he pushed everyone else away, but she just refuses to leave. Refuses to accept defeat. She’s fully determined to figure him out and make their weirdass relationship work and it’s something I admire JB for. That girl is a TROOPER.

#by the way this is going to be a take™️ but I think Shiloh and Nate are more similar than either of them would like to admit #they both need to feel in control of a situation in order to feel comfortable but they express that need in basically opposite ways #I can elaborate more on that if anyone is interested #bee rambles #xoxo droplets #shiloh fields #nate lawson #everett gray #bae pyoun #pran taylor #xod shiloh #Nate xod #everett xod #bae xod #Pran xod #xod

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batbitesthebat · 1 month

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Quick frankenkwazii question:

Okay so I know that with something like this, you of course have to bend the rules of reality (I mean. The Octonauts itself isn’t much better.) But since you’ve decided to take a more realistic approach to this kind of AU than I normally see, I wanna ask: How does Kwazii’s body actually still function? Albeit barely. Like, is there some other kind of supernatural thing at play or is it just that he’s built different?

(Sorry if this is confusing 😭)

Hi, thanks for the question xddddddd!1! There aren't any supernatural elements at play here, his revival itself is, what I'd say, the unrealistic, unnatural stuff. So my answer is that he's built different lol. Well I think more of it like this:

His revival and survival are the fictional, nonsensical elements. But how do I push it to make it as realistic as possible? How can I work around a relatively cartoony concept (except for me taking the liberty of giving him the element of his limbs having the ability to fall off and be stitched back together again)

Because I wanted the frankenstein AU to be horror-oriented rather than a bittersweet reunion story or something to the like, I decided that the horror would be best-rooted in realism. I think the concept of rotting away alive and being unable to do anything about it would be way more horrific than if he was like, you know, a more fiction-oriented monster. His functioning can only be possible with a ton of daily physical support, and even then he still cannot do basic things like go out on missions, eat solid foods, or walk for a long amount of time. His body is working incredibly hard to keep him alive to the point of exhausting itself, which is why he sleeps for twelve hours a day instead of our usual eight- he needs constant nutrition, constant supervision, and to constantly expel waste in any way he could. These factors all help him stay alive but even then I wouldn't consider him functioning, he is barely like you said, but he struggles with his executive function due to damage to his prefrontal cortex, so he has problems with taking care of himself as well, even though he strives for independence. And with his declining mental and physical state, though he might be barely functioning now, who's to say that this is going to last any longer?

#octonauts #kwazii #frankenkwazii #frankenstein au #cw rotting

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galaxa-13 · 4 months

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Thinking about forgiveness and how so many people get hung up on it. Forgiveness is about the person forgiving not being bothered by the thing anymore, it's not about whoever did the thing being a better person or the bad thing not happening anymore.

The reason why the concept of "earning" forgiveness exists is because that's what it takes for a lot of people to stop caring about the perceived problem anymore. You stole my cookie and that upset me, but then you gave me a brownie so I forgive you because I have a tasty treat which is what I wanted to begin with. You stole my cookie and that upset me, but then you explained that you hadn't eaten anything all day so I decided your hunger mattered more than my craving. You stole my cookie and that upset me, but when you realized how it had hurt me you apologized and I felt that since you understood I was upset I no longer needed to be. All of these are "earning" forgiveness, but just as easily forgiveness can be given without it ever being earned.

You stole my cookie and that upset me, but I realized there's no need to keep carrying this particular hurt with me so I let it go. You stole my cookie and it had never really upset me to begin with.

Forgiveness is a choice that can be done at any time for any reason. Sometimes it's really hard to forgive and sometimes you never forgive. Sometimes forgiveness is a big show that both parties are aware of and sometimes forgiveness just quietly happens and the person being forgiven is never made aware they were.

There are some things that are petty and small that I have never forgiven and probably never will. There's also things that were awful and wrong that I have forgiven. Giving forgiveness is about the forgiver's feelings, not about what is morally right.

It feels nice to be forgiven, because no one likes being disliked. We want to be forgiven because we want to know the bad air has been cleared. You can't expect to be forgiven, or live your life striving for that forgiveness, though. As nice as it is, it's not about you, it's about their feelings. You can't force someone's feelings to change.

You shouldn't forgive someone just because someone wants you to. If you don't actually forgive them and stop being upset about the thing then you haven't actually forgiven them, you're just lying and hiding the hurt you feel. Then it festers. Then you think those that have wronged you have to pay a higher and higher price for the forgiveness to be "real". Because none of your forgiveness has been real. Then when people are forgiven or ask to be forgiven without paying the "right" price it just shines a light on how "fake" all the forgiveness had been before.

"I'm sorry" is a script we're all taught as children. Sometimes it's genuine admission of guilt and sometimes it's just the lines we've been conditioned to say. Sometimes that's all that's needed in order to be forgiven, genuine or not, and sometimes it won't be enough because either the forgiver desires something else or because they believe you're only saying the words and not the meaning.

I just feel like a lot of people would be a lot happier if they realized a transaction isn't a requirement of forgiveness and that forgiveness itself wasn't a requirement. I also feel like a lot of people have forgiven others or already have been forgiven without knowing it. It's just expected to be a show between the two parties instead of people simply moving on. So they worry about doing the forgiveness or not, or how to get the forgiveness, but it's already a moot point.

Forgiveness does not make you a better person, whether giving or receiving it. Sometimes you're forgiven, but they still dislike you for other things. Sometimes they forgive you, but other don't. Sometimes you're not forgiven, but they still like you.

#gal rambles

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gulnarsultan · 2 years

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Hi darling!

Can I request a poly!volturi kings x fem!reader where the kings don't have time to spend time with the reader but she really needs them. So jane and alec (which the reader is close to) have to tell the kings that they are needed.

Hello sweetie. ❤ I hope you will like it.

You were not selfish. You knew who they were and how important their mission was. But didn't they even have five minutes to spare for their precious wives? As you repeat this question in your mind, your heart begins to break. You also started to spend your time with the guards. You used to make up with Jane, comb and braid your hair. She used to show you her newly bought porcelain dolls. Alec shows you the pictures he made. He was painting you. Felix and Demetri were spending time playing virtual games. You were having girl talk with Renata, Corin, Heidi and Chelsea. Afton and Santiago were helping you with the plants in the garden. Soon your husbands realized that you were no longer spending time with them and you were not striving for it. While they were all in the throne room, the subject was brought up by Aro.

"Our precious wife is moving away from us."

"Aro is right about that. What's wrong with him?"

While Marcus wanted to say something, Jane started to speak.

"She's heartbroken because you don't want to spend time with her. She's trying to heal her heart by spending time with us rather than begging you."

The kings were both surprised and worried when they saw how angry the twins were. When you came to the throne room, Marcus noticed that your golden bonds against them had faded.

"Dear wife. We heard there are some problems."

"No problem. I overcame the problem myself."

"So by getting away from us?"

"You have no idea how it feels to have so-called soul mates who don't even have five minutes to spare for you, Caius. I'm not selfish. I understand if you don't have time for me. And I spend time with friends who want to spend time with me."

"Honey, we love you."

"Love is not just words, Aro. Love is proved by demonstrations. In fact, I have no faith in these strings anymore. I don't even trust the ones you really love anymore."

If they had asked the Kings what was the heaviest physical and emotional blow they have taken in their lifetime, their answer would have been the day you said those words to them. Even if the Kings wanted to spend time with you in the coming days, you stayed away from them. Finally, Caius lost his patience and yelled at you.

"Smug. We are your Kings. You can't disrespect us. You won't turn down our love."

Tears began to flow from your eyes with meaning at these words. The guards were so enraged. You left the throne room and went to an unused room. Curled under the covers, you never went out until evening. Jane and Alec brought you dinner.

"I'd pull out her barbie hair one by one if I could. You're the most perfect person I've ever met in my life. Please don't let any idiot's words hurt you."

"Jane is right."

In a short time, other guards came and joined you. They were all trying to lift your spirits.

"Honestly, I may be unfortunate with a soul mate. But I'm very lucky to have good friends like you."

You had decided to go out into the garden when it was midnight after they had left. You were sitting on the bench by the water fountain and looking at the sky. The kings came to you very sad and embarrassed.

"Can we come dear?"

"Why do you ask for permission? As the king, everything belongs to you."

"I didn't mean to say it like that. I was very angry."

"You don't need to fall in love, King. You have the right to do anything."

"Aro, please forgive Caius and me, honey. Believe me, we're in pain. We feel all your feelings, too."

"Marcus is right. It really hurts."

"I don't believe it. I'm actually stupid enough to think you love me. I was foolish enough to believe that a tyrant like you, especially Cauis, would."

"Please don't say that."

"I don't believe any of you anymore. I don't have good feelings for you anymore. I want to go."

Aro knelt before you and held your hands.

"You don't know what to do without reading my mind."

Aro's hands pushed off and you stood up. A few days passed after this speech. The mood of the kings was in a very bad state. While you were lying on your bed in your room, the Kings had arrived. You ignored them by turning your face the other way. Aro was on your right, Marcus on your left, and Caius between your legs. After five quiet minutes, you noticed that your body and emotions were starting to heal.

"I don't know if I can forgive you."

"Trying will be enough for us."

"I'll do my best."

Now the Kings, or at least one of them, were spending time with you on a daily basis. Although it took a few months for your forgiveness, your bonds were stronger than before. This was a lesson that the Kings would never forget.

#yandere twilight #yandere volturi kings x reader #yandere volturi kings #yandere volturi x reader #yandere volturi #yandere aro volturi x reader #yandere aro volturi #yandere marcus volturi x reader #yandere marcus volturi #yandere caius volturi x reader #yandere caius volturi

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thispatternismine · 7 months

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ATLA live action impressions part 2

Following on from last night's post, here are my impressions of eps 5-8

Still really loved it. Gonna be tarred & feathered for this but I actually like it better than the animated show

Highlights:

Ozai giving Zuko credit for finding the Avatar. There's this weird idea in the fandom that Ozai never intended to take Zuko back. Even though we saw him do exactly that at the beginning of Book 3. Yes he set an impossible task, but when Zuko (apparently) achieved it, he was like 'ok yeah cool - you have met my standards'. Sure, there's no way Zuko would have continued to meet those standards if he'd stuck around, but Ozai did actually keep his word. The fact that he does it to make sure Azula knows she's overstepped & remind her she's replaceable, is an especially nice touch

Getting to see how Azula is treated by her father. I've seen way too many people try to claim Azula was never abused because she wasn't literally set on fire like he was. Never mind that she avoided that fate only because she was able to meet his standards. And having to constantly strive to meet the standards set by someone who thinks 'find a guy who's been missing for a century' is a suitable task to set his kid is abuse.

Another annoying tendency of the fandom is to flanderise Ozai into some diabolical caricature who spends all his time thinking up new ways to torment poor Zuzu, so having that scene of him banishing Zuko was a nice touch. He genuinely believes he is being a good dad & raising his kid to be strong (note: This isn't me saying Ozai is right - I'm saying he thinks he's right.)

The 41st Division 😭

Iroh & Ozai interacting with each other

Gyatso!

I spy some female soldiers! A problem with the animated show was that it's all well & good deciding that the Fire Nation has female soldiers, but bias is a thing & 99.9% of the time if you ask someone to draw a soldier it'll be a man. Yeah sure they all stayed to guard the Fire Nation that's why we didn't see any till Book 3 suuure

"Anything you need." "It has to do with Koh." "Anything but that." DYING

Aang's whole speech to Zuko about how helpful his notebook was (let's be real Iroh probably sighed & told him it was a waste of time so this was the first time he heard 'Hey good job on the Avatar research!') & the way they bonded before he unwittingly set Zuko off

"Quit it before they think there's something wrong with you. More than there already is."

"The Firelord deems your performance... below average." OOF. Pretty sure that's the worst thing you can possibly say to Azula. She'd much rather be told she sucked outright than just 'meh'

Waterbender Yue

Non-arsehole Hahn

Using Kuruk lore from the Kyoshi books!

I like the changes to the NWT siege. Having the spirits' mortality be an occasional, temporary thing to gain an appreciation of life that occurs during a full moon when the powers of those who will protect them in that state are at their peak, makes more sense than permanent vulnerability that relies on nobody finding out. Also never made sense that a naval officer was stationed in a fucking desert & was able to just take time off to go through a spirit library, so having Zhao find his info from the Fire Sages works better IMO. I do hope we'll still get the spirit library though

Ozai's lil eyetwitch when Azula backtalked him like if you agree

Haven't mentioned yet but I love the costumes in this

Also never mentioned Momo, the Real Hero of ATLA

Sokka continues to be awesome

Lowlights:

June calling Iroh cute & fawning over him. Normally I'd think it's unfair for the live action version of a character to be held accountable for what the animated version did, but this leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like og!Iroh's groping of June being treated like a joke has been called out many times so they fucking had to know what they were doing

Why isn't Azula's fire blue? We got like 1 second of it & that's it. Maybe consistent blue flames are a power up she'll obtain later idk

#atla #zuko #azula #ozai #aang

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wen-kexing-apologist · 11 months

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Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

For those who are not aware, I have decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s Queer Cinema Syllabus and have officially started Unit 2: Race, Disability, and Class. The films in Unit 2 are: The Way He Looks (2014), Being 17 (2016), Naz and Maalik (2015), The Obituary of Tunde Johnson (2019), Margarita With a Straw (2014), My Beautiful Laundrette (1985), Brother to Brother (2004), and Beautiful Thing (1996)

Today I will be writing about

My Beautiful Laundrette (1985) dir. Stephen Frears

[Run Time: 1:37, Available- Amazon, Hulu, Language: English]

Summary: “An ambitious Pakistani Briton and his white boyfriend strive for success and hope when they open a glamorous laundromat.” (from IMDB)

Cast: * Daniel Day-Lewis as Johnny * Gordon Warnecke as Omar

___

Hmm. Okay so, before I get too far in to this, I feel like this film was the hardest one for me to follow from a plot standpoint (so far). There were a lot of little things happening that took a bit for me to really understand, and that caused some challenges in how I engaged with this film. I will admit at this point that this was a movie I probably need more historical context for (ie some of the political commentary in the film, the state of Britain at the point in which this film was made, etc.) but my brain is fried from life stuff, and I do not have the energy to do that research right now.

gif by @itsmyfriendisaac

Fundamentally, I do think there is something extremely interesting in the role reversals here of the Pakistani immigrant family being the richer, more successful characters, compared to the white people in the film. And this makes sense because what I was able to get through the movie is the racism that came out of Pakistani immigrants moving to Britain, establishing lives, and then becoming the scapegoats for the suffering of poor white people (when obviously they are not the actual problem).

Omar comes alive at the thought of getting to make something out of his life, rather than just be a caretaker for his father. A father who has become a victim to the racism and vitriol he has witnessed in Britain. A man who gave compassion, advice, care to young white boys only to see them march against him when they grew up.

I loved the visual commentary about how women can be forgotten, every time that Nasser’s wife walked by a room, quiet, unnoticed, and soaking in all this information about Omar, Tania, and Nasser’s affair.

I did love the visual commentary around ever looming danger. This standstill that Johnny’s old crew came to with Johnny, Omar, and the laundrette. A show of numbers, a threat of violence, that never triggered because there was no reason to do so. Johnny still had power and influence over his white friends, and that kept them quiet. But they loom. They are an ever present danger that Omar just ignores. Omar and Johnny continue to live their lives, build out the laundrette, try to achieve success despite the ever present danger. Which is as strong as a visual metaphor you can get towards existing as a part of one or more oppressed groups.

I like that fundamentally, Omar did all of this to show his Dad that he could be successful. Because he wanted to show his father that everything he’d heard said about him by the white boys he went to school with, and by Britain were wrong. That he was successful, and he had white people working for him. And how that is only revealed when Omar and Johnny have done the work of selling coke, refurbishing the entire place, and then opening it. I like that Omar’s father does not consider his son opening this laundrette as a success, because he wants Omar to be educated. Because he understands the importance of education, and how a lack of education makes people susceptible to propaganda. I also appreciate that Omar was spared from hearing that.

I love that Omar and Johnny’s feelings for eachother are never really disguised. Like, if you are queer, you can see from the second they are reunited that those two have almost certainly fucked before. But that good old fashioned heteronormativity is what really seems to shield them from suspicion by most people (besides Tania it seems).

And for as brutal of a beating as it was, I did genuinely enjoy the scene both for the commentary around how no one really is ever safe. That once your former in-group decides you are now part of the out-group, you are no longer safe. And further, that Omar very adamantly, casually, and happily took care of Johnny and treated his wounds and did not let him leave because he does love Johnny. I love that the film ends with the two of them in the laundrette, with Omar kissing the back of Johnny’s neck, in front of a couple shattered windows. Why? Because for me, it speaks volumes about how Omar views his relationship to Johnny and the world. He treats Johnny rather than worrying about his laundrette, because he loves Johnny, and Johnny is hurt. The windows can be replaced.

gif by @oscarskirt

For/By/About

By and About

The writer of the film is bisexual, and the main characters are queer, which puts it in a By and About Queers category. I am on the fence about the For Queer people, because again, with most of the films in Unit 2, I feel like the Race, Disability, and Class aspects of the film are more of the central voice. For My Beautiful Laundrette, the race and class aspects seem like the heavier hitters, but the reason I’m on the fence is because there are some aspects of Johnny and Omar’s relationship that aren’t verbalized that I feel like may only be picked up on (easily) by a queer audience.

Favorite Scene

gif by @eriklehnsherryes

I really loved the scene where Johnny and Omar are fucking in the back room while Nessan and Rachel are dancing inside the laundrette. I appreciated that it felt like it was used to highlight the legitimacy of both of their relationships/love for one another. And that both fucking (and spitting champagne in to Omar’s mouth) could be presented in a way that felt romantic because it was paralleled to a couple dancing lovingly together.

Favorite Quote

“We must all have knowledge if we are to see what is being done to whom in this country”

A quote said by Omar’s dad to Johnny. I like it because it addresses what I think is the core of this film. And it shows in very few words, why he ended up this way, why he wants Omar to go to college, and where his ideology and life experience lies.

Score

8/10

I think this film falls to the classic blunder of trying to say too many things in too short of a time. As a result, we only get glimpses in to characters, and it is harder for me to see and understand their motivations.

#queer cinema syllabus #bengiyo queer cinema syllabus #my beautiful laundrette #my beautiful laundrette (1985)

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bluehax6 · 2 years

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I have a few things to say about Bridget's story in Guilty Gear.

For those of you who don't know, Bridget's background was originally that she was born the younger of twin boys, in a society that believed twin boys was a bad omen. Her parents didn't want to kill or banish either of their children, so instead they decided they would raise Bridget as a girl in order to avoid the stigma the society had. Once Bridget became old enough, she left her town and became a bounty hunter, openly stating that she was a man, yet still wearing feminine clothing. Her time as a bounty hunter and being revealed that she was male broke her hometown's belief of the danger of twin boys. In Guilty Gear XX, her first appearance, Bridget's stated motivation was to become more masculine, more in line with her male identity at the time, rather than the femenine appearance she had from her childhood.

Then, she came back in Guilty Gear Strive, and her story was redirected, from trying to become more masculine to being a trans woman. This revelation comes after several encounters with Goldlewis Dickinson and Ky Kiske in arcade mode, who encouraged her to be true to herself.

Many people are mad about this direction for her to go in for one simple reason: they are transphobic. They keep trying to come up with simply nonsensical excuses such as "it's a mistranslation of the complex japanese meaning" or "because she was raised as a girl, becoming a girl is actually detransitioning" (paraphrasing). The truth of the matter is that Bridget is trans, and that representation can help a lot of people feel seen. Many people see Bridget is trans, and appreciate that there is an openly and directly stated trans person in media, and that can and has encouraged people to try to join in the game, larger series, and even the fgc as a whole, who probably wouldn't have otherwise. It is definitely part marketing or arcsys's part, but it's also representation that isn't seen in a lot of other places, and representation is just good in general. It helps grow the community and is a step towards inclusion that not many other game studios have taken.

Now, there is another side I want to discuss. I want you to think about what would have happened if they hadn't made Bridget trans. I see three possibilities:

1. Bridget is never added to a future guilty gear game (which is theoretically possible for any character)

2. In line with their character arc, Bridget is turned into a very masculine man, and people lose their beloved femboy

3. Their arc is stalled and incomplete, as they remain a femboy and never make progress towards their goal of becoming masculine

None of these things are very good. As Bridget was highly requested to be put in a future game before Strive, but wasn't, I personally think it's because arcsys didn't really know where to take her character arc back then. So they stalled for time, not putting her in until they knew what the best course of action was for her character. They wouldn't make the unpopular move of making her a buff super masculine man, nor would they give her an stalled and simply bad arc that never made any progress. They made her trans. This is simply the best course of action for her character, as it avoids all those other problems that may arise, as well as filling in holes from previous games.

I want you to think about one more thing: Bridget's story in XX is that she wants to become more masculine, and she has the freedom to do it, now that she is a well renowned bounty hunter. So then, why does she still wear feminine clothing, that is clearly shown to confuse people about her gender identity? I know that you don't need to wear clothing in line with your gender, obviously. However, when her clear and stated motivation is to become more masculine, then it seems odd that she would present femininely. Perhaps it is because, deep down, she always knew she was a girl.

#bridget #brisket #bridget guilty gear #trans #transgender #guilty gear #guilty gear strive #guilty gear xx

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runawaymun · 5 months

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If no one else has asked yet - I need to know about "MGME except it’s my OC from my sci fi novel."

This is just a really intriguing concept!

AHHHHHH yes I was really hoping someone would ask about this. While I love all my OCs obvi this one is my big blorbo from this particular project.

Ask me about my not-yet-written-fics from this list

MGME except it's my OC from my sci fi novel

so, this OC is very much Elrian coded. Or rather, she's a very similar character, I guess? That was actually one of my concerns while writing Stars -- to make them two distinctly different characters.

she comes from a very similar background to Elrian actually, just in a sci fi context and from a very different cultural set.

The other important thing to note here is that my sci fi has fantasy elements, and the OC's main culture is polytheistic. Her specific house worships a deity that's meant to grant immortality and prophetic dreams -- at great cost.

This OC has a lot of prophetic dreams.

Unlike Elrian, she does not have an Elrond figure to help her get out of her shithole of a life. She has to do that all by herself.

But of course I got to thinking haha what if she had Elrond.

And then I was like--- hold on, wait a second.....wait.... what if...

The main isekai force here are her dreams. I'm thinking like, her actual physical self is retained in her world but she gets transported into Middle Earth

Language barrier obvs because I'm a sucker for language barriers.

Elladan and Elrohir find her and are like "???? random???? woman/young girl (I have not decided at what point in her life she gets transported. The book series follows her life from about the age of fourteen up until her late thirties. My one stipulation is that she probably needs to have zero of her kids that she has yet). Anyway Elladan and Elrohir don't speak her language obvs and she's just like "well this is a werd af dream what the fuck."

They figure if anyone will know what she's speaking or at least what language root it is, their dad will.

So off to Rivendell they go.

(There is an alternate version of this actually because I can't decide between the two of her getting transported to the second age and having a much younger Elrond -- and this being set in Lindon and Gil-Galad's court, which I think would play off of this OC's backstory in very interesting ways....)

let's go with that because it's more interesting. The only further fun part of the Rivendell branch is just more of SOL and the weird dream back-and-forth.

But there are several cultural misunderstandings that can actually come from her being in Lindon around Gil-Galad because she comes from a god-king culture (and is, in fact, a crucial member of her particular god-king's household who is, you guessed it, striving for immortality and has so far succeeded. This is like.... a numenor situation? basically? I think that's the closest comparable situation).

I do love the idea of younger Elrond trying so very hard to learn her language and connect with her and figure out where tf she belongs.

And basically, when she goes to sleep in her world she's transported to middle earth, and when she goes to sleep in middle earth she wakes up in her world

And there's just this awful back and forth and it's very jarring and hard on her because her life in her world fucking sucks

And honestly I would love for her to find a way to stay in Middle Earth.

But basically it's an excuse for some magic, and my good ol fav trope of 'healing from trauma and learning to trust' -- and also I feel like once she and Elrond get to a point where they're able to speak in a broken mish-mosh of each other's languages there's potential for her to absolutely spill her guts because she still thinks this is a dreamscape.

which is great for her because this character is INCREDIBLY angry and INCREDIBLY traumatized and she bottles up all of her emotions.

I have not worked out how I get her to stay in middle earth though. That's the problem. Unless she makes some kind of deal with the Valar or something idk?

I am probably not explaining this well this one is soooo vague. It mostly consists of conversations between this OC and Elrond and a heck of a lot of cultural miscommunication and assumptions about things.

but she would hate Gil-Galad she would hate him sooooo much haha

poor Elrond trying to explain that Gil-Galad is actually really cool and not a god-king wtf

also there's that fun aspect of like. The house she works for is attempting to achieve immortality at any cost (and murdering a fuck ton of people to do it) and THESE people are immortal???????? Who did YOU guys murder to do it?????? hello?????

I'm rambling.

Thank you for coming to my incredibly nebulous "there's no plot here" tedtalk.

In conclusion

#the sci fi project #you guys don't understand how much I love this character #I can't even articulate it well #she winds up killing a god

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jotarobutcat · 11 months

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Turns out sometimes you have to force yourself to heal

Healing can feel impossibly hard, especially when you've internalized unhealthy values from both your parents and the culture around you. This may look like a pretentious middle school essay, but the truth is, I just needed to write about my healing process, and where it all started, somewhere. This will be a long ride, so buckle up.

I might be happier right now if I had just stayed a bigot, and given all the hate inside me just the right amount of fuel it needs to prosper, but I just couldn't do that to my friends. Funnily enough, this whole process started from my best friend coming out to me as transgender, not from some "a-ha!" moment in the middle of the night like most of my decisions.

Back then, I was your average "good Christian girl", or at least that's what I strived for. I didn't have many friends, especially when it came to people I was in contact with outside of the internet. I'd pretty much lost two of the three friends I had in middle school after it ended; one completely cut contact with me and my remaining friend, and one I just... didn't see again, since we took different paths in life and weren't really that close anyway. I'd recently become friends with another person online, and this person was very much open about being LGBTQ+ when asked. I didn't have a problem with that, because "well, he doesn't rub his homosexuality in my face". She knew my views on things as well, since I was open about my religion and how my values followed what I had been taught by my mother and the church as morally right or wrong. Back then, my views on the topic of LGBTQ+ people were, in a nutshell, "I think it's wrong to date a person of the same sex, and so is changing your body from how God created it, but I'm not going to insult, degrade, misgender or deadname people because I'm not an asshole". So in short, I was a bigot, but not a zealot. When my best and only in-real-life friend came out to me as a trans man, I assured him that I had no problem with him being transgender, and would be using his chosen name and pronouns from then on forwards if he wished me to do so. In reality, I was full of confusion, since I didn't really know what being transgender *actually* meant. Now, I could've just left it at that, but I felt that in order to give my friend the full support he needs and deserves, I should be able to at least understand what he's actually going through. At that point, my knowledge of the term trans, when talking about gender, was limited to "people who have changed their sex". It's not too far off, but I had no idea why someone would change it and what exactly counts as a transgender person, since my friend was pre-everything at the time and thus obviously did not fit the definition I had known before.

So, I decided to investigate what being transgender really means. During that time I watched videos a lot from a certain youtuber, and I knew his friend, who had been in some of his videos, had a channel as well and often posted videos reading memes and posts from different LGBTQ+ subreddits. I previously had had no interest in them, but I figured I could give some trans-themed videos a try, because humour is usually what gives the most authentic image of a person, as long as you know how to actually read people, and it's also a popular way to share life experiences and thoughts without making it too serious. I think the first one of these videos I checked out was on the r/egg_irl subreddit. That video was eye-opening. Some of the memes were scarily relatable, and I ended up realizing a while later, after doing some more proper research on what being transgender meant, that I fit the definition myself. Suddenly a lot of things made sense; why I always felt a prideful joy whenever being sorted together with boys or men, and hated it when someone added my name or "and girl" after referring to the group with a masculine term. Why I hated being called pretty or beautiful, and would rather substitute it for being called ugly. Why I had little to no interest in barbies and baby dolls and was fascinated by dinosaurs and my brother's Hot Wheels cars instead. Why I would rather play alone than join other girls in their play in kindergarten, and felt excited and happy whenever any of the boys would let me play together with them instead. Why I always hated dresses so much and secretly wished I could wear a suit, being exhilarated when I finally asked permission to do so and was given the okay without an argument or a fight. Why I always found interest in what the boys in my class were talking about, even if they were annoying, and why I kept secretly wishing I could join their friend group instead even though I got along with the girls just fine. Why I was annoyed by girly things or topics to the point I would actively avoid them, and feel proud for not participating in "girl stuff". Why I'd feel proud of myself whenever I acted "boyish" or "manly" enough. Why I felt proud of being able to sing the national anthem in a low voice. Why I wasn't able to appreciate having a near ideal body for the local female beauty standards. Why I felt ashamed of my breasts and "birthing hips". Why I felt disappointed to the point of near crying when I was given permission by my mother to get my hair cut short, and the hairdresser cut it into a butterfly bob instead of the kind of "boy hair" I had imagined. There were so. many. things. I could lengthen the list even more, especially if I added in things I've only recently realized likely had a connection with my gender incongruence.

This realization eventually led to a big battle between the values I had adopted in early childhood and followed ever since, and the new information about myself that clashed with what I believed was "right by God". This contradiction coupled with all the transphobic gaslighting, both from my family and random people on the internet, and drove me to what I have only been able to describe as an episode of psychotic depression, at least up until now. I felt awful, and hated myself for not being how I thought I "should be". I started wondering if I had just been influenced by the internet and gotten brainwashed, and began doubting the authenticity of my own feelings and thoughts. I couldn't trust myself at all anymore, and now that I think about it, I guess this was probably how my OCD manifested for the first time. It was like my mind split into two, one of which was "me" or "I", the other one being, well, the brain, I guess, and it was hell trying to figure out which thoughts were *mine* and not just something my brain pushed into my head... or something I, or another person, put in my head either on accident or on purpose. It's something I still struggle with sometimes, but being able to identify the problem(s) has helped a lot, and made things a lot less excruciating to deal with at times.

Well, I got over that. Somewhat, at least. I ended up pretty much avoiding thinking about my views on religion in general and basing my life principles on my own opinions instead of "God's". I still have my doubts and guilt, and sometimes fall back into the anxiety of not knowing what I'm doing is right or not. I will definitely have to work these things out in therapy, but I'd like to believe I've made a lot of progress outside of it on my own as well. Transphobia and homophobia aren't the only kinds of unhealthy values I've had to heal myself from. One of the biggest things that has kept me from healing for a long time is the teachings of toxic masculinity, particularly the idea of "only women are emotional". Being a trans man who almost nobody dear to me recognizes as a man, I've been clinging to every little thing that would validate my masculinity, even if it's extremely unhealthy, for years. This didn't start from my realization about my gender, but instead had been going on since elementary school, possibly even longer than that.

I have a tendency of turning into my friends' therapist whenever I get to know they're having a rough time. I feel it's much easier to give advice to people than to look for a solution to my own problems. Maybe it's empathy, maybe it's just avoidance of the shit I should actually sort out, but turns out these backyard therapy sessions can be mutually beneficial. On the internet, different people dealing with similar problems are often drawn together, kind of like stand users. At one point, the advice I gave to my friends dealing with the same problems I had started feeling pretentious. "I go around giving people advice I don't even follow myself... I guess it's grand time I take my own advice and cut myself some slack."

That's where the actual healing process started. When I felt ashamed of the fact I made mistakes and felt like condemning myself for having emotions, I forced myself to tell myself the same things I had told my friends; "Everybody makes mistakes, and while it may feel awful, it's a natural part of life. You're not worth any less for that. We don't have to look for a solution right away." "You're hurting right now, but that's okay. You're allowed to hurt. You don't have to be all happy and bubbly all the time." "That's right. You're angry right now. And that's fine. You're allowed these feelings just like everyone else. Let yourself be angry."

Notice how all of these have to do with self-acceptance? Yeah, that's what a lot of us lack. We condemn the parts of us we, or others, don't like and give ourselves more and more wounds. All of these parts have their right spaces in our hearts, but we keep trying to "heal" those spots, thinking we need to make sure none of these "unpleasant" parts of us have no place in our hearts before we can start healing the actual wounds. In reality, trying to close up the spaces just results in more wounds.

Think about your heart like a crow playing with one of those boxes with different holes for different-shaped objects; if you hide one of the holes, the crow will keep trying to push the corresponding object through a different hole. Some of these objects are small but sharp, and they make scratches on the box when the crow tries to push them through the wrong holes. These scratches hurt a lot, but are often quite quick to heal. Some of these objects are big, but more blunt. They might not hurt as much immediately, but they leave large wounds that affect a bigger area and take a much longer time to heal. Some of these objects have two sides, one big and blunt, one sharp and small, and thus cause different types of wounds depending on where and how you try to put them.

We all have this crow and these objects. The crow is stubborn, and will keep looking for the right places to put the objects until it finds them. None of our crows know where to put these objects from birth, and aren't really that smart, so they will naturally make mistakes and try to shove them in the wrong spots. This causes a lot of scratches and dents on our hearts along the years, and it's easy to feel like it's better to just close your heart to these objects altogether. The crow, though, has no other place to put them, so it will keep looking for the right hole for the object it's holding, because it knows there's supposed to be one, and that will just cause more scratches and dents in the long run.

Our crows also have assigned instructors. Some have prepared in every possible way to make sure the box gets damaged as little as possible. They put in extra effort, even before becoming an instructor, and do a great job at taking care of both the box and the crow. Some try their best to take care of the crow, but haven't really internalized that they also have to teach it to handle the objects and the box. Some are there just because it was on their checklist, and either don't really care about the task at hand, or quickly become overwhelmed and end up hurting the crow, making it confused and unable to find the right places for the objects. Some end up with the job on accident, some were forced into it, some are never around, and some came thinking they were prepared, but ended up giving the crow the worst kind of instructions possible. You could probably guess that the objects are these less pleasant parts of us. Most of them are negative emotions like fear and anger, some of them are painful or traumatic experiences. The crow is the person itself. None of us know how to handle our emotions and experiences from birth, and that's exactly why most of us have been given instructors, which are typically our parents. Our parents can teach us to handle these "objects" properly, but most aren't capable or just willing enough to teach all of the in-and-outs of the subject, so we'll naturally have to figure some stuff out ourselves. After all, we'll be stuck with these objects for the rest of our lives, whether we like them or not. So right now this little crow is trying to figure out the proper way to handle these things, hopefully with an extra instructor (a therapist) in the future. I think I'm doing good at it, especially considering the fact that the only thing I was taught was to keep the objects to myself.

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