#The concept of love is foreign to me but also I do need this specific fictional character to fuck me (asexually)

[r0k0]

That’ll fix me, probably.

2 loveless aros…. Technically he’s only confirmed asexual but c’mon.

[moonsaver]

I think the reason why yan Sunday appeals to me so much is because of how he reflects a sad desperation to be loved and for the world to be made right in some way. He’s learned not only from gopher wood but also from his own experiences how cruel the world can be, and although he loves his family I think he does so partially out of some sense of responsibility for what they’ve done for him, almost putting them on a godlike pedestal. He is the ultimate martyr that will make the world right, even if it means he is the sacrificial lamb.

So when he meets someone that’s kind to him for no reason it’s probably strange, receiving affection just because. This time he looks at them as if they are divine being, gracing such a sinner as himself with their love. But in return, this time he’ll succeed in protecting them like he wasn’t able to do for others in his life. he protects them from the world even if it means overruling their own choices.

Also I lowkey relate with him and feel like no matter what I can’t give back to the people I love the most lmao.

Sunday let’s form an unhealthy codependent relationship and live in the delusion of love formed out of desperation.

idk if any of this made sense I’m bad at conveying ideas but tldr: Sunday and unhealthy codependency mixed with a martyr complex appeals to me since I think it reflects some of the more unhealthy aspects of love that leads to obsessiveness and a lack of respect for one’s own autonomy.

Hey anon, i cant even add anything to this. This is pretty much perfect in encapsulating what relationships can be like with yan!sunday.

I love yan!sunday for the exact reasons you've said so. He's probably utterly foreign to the concept of actually receiving unconditional love and kindness, and when reader actually does give him just that, he can't help but want more.

But, since it's yan! Sunday, he most likely isn't able to replicate that specific, ecstasy feeling when he gets it from you vs from anyone else (i mean, particularly because of his status, its even harder to find). Reader becomes his sole source of this love where he's able to see them on equal ground – not someone who needs his help and neither someone he needs help from. You aren't in debt to him, you don't need to pay him back, you don't want favors, you're just.. so sweet and kind to him. You actually want to understand him, you understand his ideals of what a world can and should be, you listen to him, and you don't treat him as though he's supposed to be sacrificed – you treat him as someone who needs to live, as someone who doesn't, or rather shouldn't, martyr themselves, you don't take his sacrifice as something that should have come by default.

I would love to add more but rn i have a splitting headache and this is as much as i can add as of now. Anyways you perfectly capsulated him.

[cat3ch1sm]

you've made a lot of fics about killua, but never a general relationship headcanon? 🌸 could I request that?

By the way, I love the way you write the characters, it always feels pretty Canon and I enjoy reading your works a whole lot <33

🌱~ messages like this always make my day💚 than you so much!! im so happy you enjoy my works <33 more are on the way! ilysm 🫶🏾🫶🏾

these are way longer than i thought they were gonna be wow😭😭 turn out i have a whole bunch of killua relationship hcs in my brain and you seem to have broken the dam😭 i hope you like them lmaoo

𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬!

°˖ ⊹ ꒰🌱꒱ ♡ definitely don’t expect killua to be the sappy, super overly affectionate type. he will either call you a dumbass or stupid or some other insult. but when you protest he’ll just be like “whatt? i meant it in a nice way.”

killua is not a pda guy. the most he’ll do in public is hold your hand and even that’s a coin toss. he isn’t that fond of things like that anyway, but mostly he’s just worried that if an enemy of his sees you with him that they’ll target you in order to hurt killua. he’ll never admit that, though.

in private it is a different story. he lets you play with his hair and likes to lay with his head in your lap. once he fell asleep like that and woke up so embarrassed even though you told him over and over that it was fine and you thought it was cute, which just made it worse. it’s rare he’s the one initiating physical affection, but it does happen. it’s slightly awkward when you first start dating though, since obviously that’s a new concept to killua. i can definitely imagine him doing that yawn and stretch move when you’re watching a movie or something, but when you reciprocate his affection killua gets all flustered.

killua has legitimately no idea what to do in a romantic relationship. hell, he doesn’t know what a good family relationship should even look like, and he never made a friend until he was like 12, so healthy relationships are a foreign concept. he will be absolutely flabbergasted when you buy him gifts every once in a while just to make him happy, and he’s shocked when you buy him chocolate robots for Valentine’s Day, and he is beyond confused when you give him compliments or tell him that you love him.

killua always admonishes you when you buy him stuff. whenever you bring him something he’ll just stare at it and scoff. “why do you even bother buying me stuff? i’m rich enough to buy your whole family and more, so why do you even bother getting me stuff like this?”

he always takes it anyway so don’t even mind him. killua has a specific place where he keeps your gifts. when he’s away from home he keeps them on him in a knapsack or wherever he’s staying at the time, but when he’s at the zoldyck mansion, killua locks everything away in a box safely hidden and always keeps the key on him so his family can’t get to it.

speaking of his family. you are definitely out of your mind if you think killua is willingly taking you to meet them. absolutely not in a million years. if ever killua does need to go back to his home for something, usually to check on alluka, you are staying wherever you are until he gets back. he will also ask gon to keep an eye on you if gon happens to be traveling with you. killua would rather his family just not know about you at all lest the zoldycks do the same to you as they sometimes do with alluka- capture you, and then hold you over killua’s head and threaten you whenever they want him to do something.

okay enough with the angsty stuff and back to how literally clueless killua is about dating. when gon who is the rizz god for some fucking reason informs him that he needs to take you out on dates, killua is blindsided. at first he just takes you places he likes to go, like the skate park or heavens arena to watch fights, but gon pulls him aside again at some point and says that he needs to take you places that you enjoy. which is something that killua is kind of stubborn about at first, but he does actually want to make you happy, so he obliges.

there’s this post on like twitter or something where this guy is talking about how since spending time with his gf she has him watching stupid shit he would never watch like twilight or grey’s anatomy. that is basically what happens with killua. he’s doing stuff with you that he never thought he would do in a million years and enjoying it for whatever reason. don’t tell anyone though because he gets so embarrassed

one of the things he found out that he likes is wearing eyeliner. you made sone offhanded comment about it and that his eyes look like a cat’s and suddenly you were doing eyeliner for him. it took a lot of convincing, but when killua sees how good it looks on him, he’s asking you to do it for him every day. eventually you teach him how to do it himself as well

killua winds up going to gon a lot for relationship advice. what does he do when you’re sad? go to gon. what should he do for your birthday? ask gon! should he get you new shoes or a new jacket? what do you think, gon?

killua rarely lets you pay for stuff. he’s rich so he doesn’t see why he should

whenever you’re on your phone or reading a book or something, killua will randomly appear behind you and put his head on your shoulder and just watch what you’re doing in silence. but if he sees you’re doing something like online shopping, just scrolling through items, killua will tap the screen whenever he sees something he likes for you. he especially likes to pick out your clothes, and he’s actually good at it. unlike the going out on dates thing, he picks out what he thinks you will like and what looks good on you. honestly killua was the only character who actually changed clothes every day in the show so he’s good with fashion lmao. most of the time he’ll buy the item for you too

killua also doesn’t mind too much if you steal his clothes, like his hoodies or hats. he might not let you take the newer stuff, but he doesn’t mind letting you parade around in his clothes. on the flip side he will also steal some of yours.

killua is very much that bf who claims “im not hungry” but then proceeds to steal half your food. so you’ve learned that whenever he says that to order twice the food

around people he knows, mainly people he doesn’t like, killua likes to show you off- but in a subtler way. like he might casually hold your hand just to show everyone “yeah, i have a partner. no big deal haha”

you literally never have to worry about killua cheating on you. he is fiercely loyal. he’s not one of those bfs that, when approached by another girl or guy, is like “oh, im sorry, but i have a partner.” nah he’s sprinting full speed in the opposite direction of whoever’s trying to approach him. either that or he’s just super rude to anyone who asks for his number or is romantically interested in him.

*cue random mf who wants him* “hi! i thought you seemed really cool and i wanted to know if-“

“nah i got a partner”

“well i just was wondering-“

“fuck out my face im dating someone”

“just-“

“hell nah”

in addition to that, killua is very much the jealous type. if you haven’t watched the phantom rouge movie go watch it rn and tell me killua isn’t jealous. anyone else who makes you smile or laugh or makes the mistake of touching you, killua instantly hates. he always makes sure to be there whenever you’re around that person. situations like that are an exception to his PDA rule- he’ll throw an arm around your shoulder or waist if he’s feeling really protective, or hold your hand. he doesn’t get jealous about gon, though- all three of you are friends and he knows for sure gon wouldn’t try anything on you in a million years.

killua may or may not go a little overboard with his jealousy at times, though. he might mistake a simple interaction for someone trying to get with you

“yo, y/n- why was that guy talking to you?”

“*long sigh* killua. how else was he going to take my order?”

killua is on the protective side and doesn’t really like for you to be out without him or gon. if you aren’t back within a certain timeframe he’ll start spamming your phone with texts and calls to make sure you’re okay.

from: killua @ 10:56 pm

“yo”

“yo”

“y/n”

“yo”

“you good”

“heLLOOOO”

“you’re supposed to answer me im your boyfriend”

“why do you hate me”

“are u alive”

“are u alive”

“come back”

“pls”

“where u at”

“it’s almost 11”

“if ur dead im going to kill u”

“ANSWER BRO”

from: y/n @ 10:57

“HOW DID YOU SEND SIXTEEN FUCKING MESSAGES IN THE SPAN OF ONE MINUTE”

from: killua @ 10:57

“:3”

[itsaspectrumcomic]

hey! before I begin, I wanted to say how much I love your comics!! the style and palettes are really soothing, and it's always nice to read them, relate heavily, and not feel quite such an oddball!! so thanks :]

I (very recently) received the results of my diagnosis for autism and adhd (I got both, and a couple other smaller things) and was wondering what things you did differently immediately after diagnosis that helped you? I've tried things like proper organisation and cleaning, keeping on top of deadlines for college as much as I am able, and trying to study as much as I can (a levels are very stressful even though I've only just started the course, and while these solutions are what's considered "good" by the college, its not really helping me as much as I would like)

a large part of the diagnosis was dedicated to brain function (I had the privelidge of being assessed privately, so the evidence was very detailed and thorough), and I scored stupidly high on vocabulary and language study. However, I feel like there's somewhat of a disconnect between the effort I've put in on my foreign language studies and the progress I'm seeing- I'm trying so so hard to understand grammatical concepts and absorb a lot of vocabulary in preparation for some smaller tests in the near future, but I'm not seeing the reward during lessons or even with preparation. I am fully aware that with all the work and effort I'm spending, I am closer than I would like to be to a meltdown and probably burnout, which I desperately want to avoid. It just feels that although my brain is wired for linguistic study, I feel like I'm falling behind or failing

I guess if you have any advice or anything that helped you once your diagnosis was confirmed, or tips for study, I would be greatly appreciative :]

Tldr: struggling with study and fearful of failure, any advice?

hnng I remember the stress of A levels, you couldn't pay me to go through that again 🫠

After being diagnosed I started to allow myself to unmask and stim in more obvious ways. Previously my stims had generally been pretty small, like flicking my fingers or wiggling a bit, but now I allow myself to flap and rock and play with fidget toys as well and it genuinely does help release tension.

It sounds like your're working really hard - if you feel close to burnout and/or meltdowns, you might be working too hard. I also found it really hard to take breaks when I was studying (...still do) but the truth is, by not allowing your mind to rest, you're actually making it harder for yourself to learn and retain information.

So my advice is, take a break! A real break, not 'I'm gonna scroll on my phone for a bit' or 'I went to the toilet that counts as a break right'. Get up, step away from your work for at least an hour, and do something you find relaxing and fun. Go for a walk or just sit outside. Make yourself a drink. Take a nap if you need to. Try to avoid looking at screens during your break if you can. And when you go back to studying, schedule times to have regular short breaks as well (eg a 10 minute break every hour). I set alarms for mine because otherwise I forget to move for five hours.

A break allows your brain to process the information and let it settle properly. When you go back to work you'll hopefully feel more refreshed and able to take in information again. Remember, if you've just started the course, then this is a marathon, not a sprint, so please try not to overdo it and burn yourself out right at the start. Conserve your energy for the long haul.

If you're still struggling, are you able to ask for help, maybe from a friend or a teacher? A teacher could give you some techniques on how to improve in the specific areas you find difficult, and sometimes just talking through the bit you're having trouble with or not understanding can help a lot.

Good luck with your studies and I hope you take some time to rest as well :)

[alpaca-clouds]

Astarion, Sexuality, and Polyamory

I have not written an Astarion analysis for a bit. But there is actually something I kinda want to explore more for Astarion. Because I actually think there is one aspect that does not get explored enough - specifically in spawn endings. (I do not think it is quite that relevant to ascended endings, because Ascended Astarion is never gonna admit to it.)

I am not telling anyone anything new that a lot of Astarion's arc is about reclaiming his personhood, and also his sexuality, after Cazador stripped his personhood from him, and controlled his sexuality for two freaking centuries. We also do know that for an elf Astarion was still a minor when Cazador turned him. While we don't know exactly for how long he was a vampire, we know it was roughly 200 years - and the official age puts him at 268 right now. So he was not 100 years, which is when elves usually come of age. (Which also explains why he has a name that very much sounds like an elvish child name.)

We do know that usually elves are quite sexually liberal and yes, elves that are physically grown but not considered adults by elven standards will usually still fuck a lot. Because they are fucking hippies. It does stand to reason that Astarion hence had some sexual experience prior to being turned. But still, given how young he was in comparison to an elvish lifespan... The majority of his sexual experience was controlled by Cazador in one way or another.

Ironically we do not even know whether Cazador himself ever directly raped any of his spawn. We know he tortured them, but headcanoning Cazador as demi or ace works perfectly fine with the infomation we are given.

Given that during the two hundred years Astarion was with Cazador he did not have a lot of actually consensual sex, and most sex he had was always about him trying to seduce the next victim to accompany him to Cazador, it does stand to reason that Astarion does know a lot about technique in terms of sex... But - and that is the thing I would love to see explored a lot more - actually does not really know what he himself likes. Because to him nothing he was forced to do was ever really enjoyable, was it? Because it was forced onto him.

This is also where the last Astarion post I made comes to play. Aka how the Astarion romance arc gets a nice bow at the end on the graveyard. It is one of those gamey-thingies, where the character arc gets fully resolved, because it kinda has to - even though realistically it would probably take months for a person to get to that point.

I still think, though, it is an underexplored theme. How Astarion actually needs to learn that sex can be something that he had can do for himself, that can (but does not have to) be about connection to someone else, and which can offer a context to give up control - but does not necessarily need to. And I just like the idea of him getting to learn again what he actually likes.

To me this is particularly interesting because I read Astarion in a way that he links a lot of his self-worth to his seductiveness, but actually seems also very naive when it comes to sex.

This also brings me to the other aspect: The polyamory option. Astarion in the game does not have a problem with the polyamory with Halsin. However, his first reaction is: "It is not because we have not in a while, is it?" His big insecurity in there is: "Oh, we have not fucked, now they don't want me anymore." If you assure him though, that it is not about that, he will be fine with it.

Again, I would in a way argue that there is also once more the "tie a little bow around it" thing happening, given that the game just wanted a proper happy ending there. I am absolutely sure that Astarion is in general fine with polyamory (especially given that Faerûn is not as mononormative as the real world is - so it is not like a super foreign concept), but I do think he is in general just insecure about his own relationship to a romanced partner. Because let's face it: The man struggles with a lot of insecurity and self-hatred, because of what he has done and was made to do.

And realistically speaking, that might well come through if there was something polyamorous happening. (And let's be clear: Anything polyamorous, because let's not be limited by the sparse options canon provides.) Because while I think Astarion is absolutely able to feel compersion, I also think he will never the less always compare himself to whatever other partner(s) his partner has. Because the man really, really needs some lessons in self-love again.

I talk about it a low, how yes, Astarion is the character from the game I write about most - but he is actually not my favorite character. Like, non-companion NPCs included he is still in the Top 10, but more like number 6 or 7 probably. But I love writing about him, because... Well, I love writing about people healing from trauma because it allows me to project *coughs* and there is just no character for this like Astarion. And I do love to write different characters healing in different ways. Astarion's way is probably the most messy one, though.

Funnily enough in my stuff he does end up in a polycule too. But at first it is mostly about him realizing, that Tav still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend. And yes, in the end it is Astarion who sets them up to get back together. Before he gets his own scaly boyfriend a bit later. But that is all stuff that happens more than 18 months post canon, where he got a chance to heal a bit from all the shit. He is not fine, but he is a lot better than before.

Ironically I do think that at some point later on he is also going to get with Halsin. But that might be like 10 or 20 years in the future. Not an immediate thing.

[saturnniidae]

Trollhunters, the Janus Order and why it's antisemitic.

This is a very like surface level explanation, and I'm probably forgetting a few things, but it's the way the Janus Order itself is very similar to a lot conspiracies that almost always boil down to antisemitism.

The concept of 'people infiltrating the government and other such positions, biding their time and controlling things from the shadows for the endgame of world domination' combined with the baby abduction (uncomfortably similar to blood-libel) and changelings' non-human nature is just like textbook antisemitic conspiracy type thing, like think of the lizard people, in terms of them not being human or whatever.

Also, here's just kind of a quick background for the conspiracy theory stuff, taken from the Wikipedia article on antisemitic tropes.

The trope of Jewish governmental and international domination often appears in the twenty-first century in coded terms that cast Jewish domination plots as the exploits of elite individuals, and like with the history of the protocols, this often seeks to scapegoat Jews for orchestrating broader political changes or perpetuating great social ills. For example, it has been linked with the conspiracy theory QAnon, a conspiracy theory which purports that a secret, evil cabal of global elites is harvesting children for world power.

(Yes, this is real stuff people genuinely believe, I'm aware of how ridiculous it is.)

And with Strickler specifically, he is a very classic caricature of a Jewish man. His nose, the 'foreign' accent, how formal he is. Otto also plays into similar sterotypes, like 'the fat jew'. Them both being changelings, creatures that transform into form with horns and fangs, is very reminiscent of like nazi Germany era propaganda of jews having horns and not being human.

All of this combined are things that while I doubt intentional, are still very much harmful and you should be aware of it. Makes me kind of sad considering how much I love changelings and how much potential they had in the story (like let's be honest the way they were rlly done dirty isn't helping 😭)

Don't in any way take this as hate for the show, as me saying you can't/shouldn't enjoy it. I adore Trollhunters, but like with anything we need to acknowledge when our favorite stories have aspects that do real world harm.

Also, any other Jewish ToA fans if you see this I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

[abroadlifeactually]

I Have Concepts of a Style…

(Date night in my 530s! Found the green cape in a local shop for $60, it’s become my go to jacket.)

I ran into an amazing sample sale this weekend. It was filled with crazy markdowns of different local and foreign designer brands. I riffled through the racks totally in my element enjoying the thrill of the hunt, while trying on beautiful quality clothes. For me, paying as little as possible for relatively expensive things is intoxicating. I’m not necessarily drawn to big designer brands; I gravitate more toward attainable luxury but have a real appreciation for unique clothing and personal style. Alas, I walked away with nothing. Not because I didn’t find pieces I loved, but because I couldn’t justify the spend. I was already pushing past purchases from previous sample sales and pop-ups, to grab comfy tees and joggers to bring Sunbeam to playgroup. I just didn’t have a reason to wear these clothes.

Once upon a time I would just shop, with no specific event in mind. I could do so knowing I’d always find an occasion to wear something, because at some point I would be going out with my girls. We were always getting into something that called for getting dressed.  While I do not miss the club, and have no desire to be in a club like environment, I do miss the ritual of “going out”: The shopping, pulling my look together, hair, makeup, getting ready for hours with music and wine. Better yet, meeting up with the crew and getting dressed together. The pregame. The photos. The confidence. Looking back, it felt like an afternoon of selfcare. But as you outgrow the club and the thrill of being on the scene, the flashiness tied to it all gradually fades, as you move from clubs to bars, to restaurants, before happily choosing evenings in. Weddings become the closest thing you get to that vibe.

When I peruse social media I see all these fashionable stylish moms and women over 40 showing off their daily looks. I find it so inspiring, but also sooo far from my reality. This could just be one of the drawbacks to being a SAHM, but I would never be able to pull off any of those looks. Shoes with my toddler!? I need footwear with grip, my child gleefully runs in the opposite direction when she finds something to put in her mouth, and is intensely working on jumping, everywhere. Sunbeam gets all my style energy, while I just try to stay dry. I thank God New Balances are back in style, because I wear my 530s OUT.  I wish I could throw caution to the wind and just wear what I wanted. Show up to playgroup in a nicely layered ensemble, but kids are sticky and I’m usually sitting on a floor.

Now don’t get me wrong, my husband and I go on lovely dates where we occasionally get done up (see my birthday post. I bought those pants several months earlier at a sale, score!). But usually when we get an evening to ourselves we like to keep it on the casual side so we experience the city uninhibited, hopping on and off trains, exploring wherever we land. While keeping in mind we have to get back home before 11:30 pm to relieve the babysitter because trains stop running at midnight (crazy right!?). I’m also a member of a social club that has events of various dress codes all the time, which we have gone to in the past, but not regularly enough to justify buying random things. These days, all my purchases need to have an intended purpose or be versatile enough to be worn casually. Which seems fair given that style overall has generally become more casual—but mostly because my life has too. 

My friend group out here is great, but trying to coordinate an evening out with everyone is nearly impossible. We’re all juggling hectic schedules, both locally and internationally. When we do manage to finally get out, we prefer a low-key evening, —after all, we’re all busy raising kids. Trying to expand my circle to find friends who share my interests in fashion or shopping is a whole job (see previous post). To be honest, I’m exactly sure what I’m looking for—maybe someone who occasionally enjoys getting a bit more dressed up then usual, but no pressure. Someone who’s okay with going to nice restaurants or events, but no clubs or anywhere too loud. I also prefer not to be out too late … so maybe just brunch!? I wonder if I might just like the idea of dressing up and going out, more than the reality. Besides, trying to find friends in your late 30s or 40s who want to go “out” is very difficult —even in a bustling city with endless options— because we’re at home, and for good reason. It just makes meeting people with similar interests harder, leaving me to awkwardly approach cool looking moms at Gymboree while not looking very cool myself.

As someone who LOVES to shop, and who is living in the fashion capital of the East, it is hard to resist cool finds. Maybe I’ll start sharing them here —at least that way, others can appreciate the treasures I find even if I have to leave them behind.

[iniziare]

This may be a massively unpopular opinion, but you know what one of the things is that I love about writing a male character, as a female writer myself? Writing a romantic dynamic with a woman. It's so interesting to me to be able to write the perspective that is absolutely foreign to me, but opposite the one that is normally mine in life, instead of engaging in a dynamic that is foreign to me from both ends. So when a male muse gives me the opportunity to engage in this, I mentally thrive.

God, it's the concept of the unknown that I'm usually only a witness to, mixed in with that which is the most familiar to me. It's so interesting to me as a writer, to write a man's courting of a woman that is so specific because of its power dynamic. Men and women are inherently different in so many elements in life, that there are things that are fundamental to think of when one approaches the other. There's that sense of caution, of respect because there's such a paramount difference in that power dynamic between them. It's balancing the respect and the manners, with the interest. It's slipping in an element of confidence that is just right, and having the muse analyze, and seek and understand that which he doesn't inherently understand, if that's the kind of male muse that you write (like I get to do with Aventurine). It's the analytical pair of eyes that survey that which I normally know by heart and mind, and yet I need to forget, and yet also can never forget— all the while doing justice to the man in question, and his specific character traits. That's my greatest pleasure when it comes to writing, to me; it's writing someone that is so different from me and always will be, and yet write said enigma opposite something that I do understand so intricately well and in detail. /chef's kiss. I just love being a writer.

[system-of-a-feather]

You know, I'm largely saying this because its a perspective that would have been super foreign to us in the past, but I honestly like to try to be someone who gives the best faith to people when I get the chance and I honestly think, at large, we have enough people in the world with high expectations and assumptions of people to just know everything or figure things out themselves that it's just not productive to those that haven't had it so easily put out for them.

I like to think that most people are dumb (affectionate), stupid (affectionate), and just honest to god confused and just need some help understanding things. And while I agree "you should do your own research and educate yourself", I like to think a lot of people do try that but due to a combination of difficulty understanding the topic and the amount of impersonal, complex language, and missinformation on topics, "educate yourself" is often easier said than done.

And I might go out on a branch and a bit of a stretch to state this, but I do think if you hammer away and expect everyone to "do your own research and educate yourself" or really oversimplify the effort of "learning things yourself" you kind of are largely putting up barriers to understanding to those with learning disabilities and unique and specialized learning needs. And if there are those barriers to understanding and denial of help without stigma, you kind of force people that struggle to learn things to be automatically labeled a "bad person" or a "bigotted person"

But a lot of people don't have resources to learn. A lot of people haven't been educated on a good and reliable way to learn. A lot of people struggle with reading. A lot of people struggle with more standard ways of "learning". A lot of people have trouble understanding social contexts that make it harder for them to navigate the social contexts of what people are saying and ulterior motives. A lot of people have little to no experience with topics related to what they are trying to learn and thus struggle to even fathom it. A lot of these social justice topics are actually very complex and confusing topics WITHOUT any unique challenges / difficulties accessing and understanding topics like these.

And it's why I very much love the "explain it to me like I'm three" statement; cause honestly, its okay to not know or understand things and I think its important to open up interest with the awareness that someone has tried and understands there is probably something they are missing, but can't connect it.

Maybe this is comes from the fact both of my parents that were actively abusive and harmful were both very "stupid" and thus very very harmful to me growing up, but in adulthood, when given the resources and time, it became very very very apparent that at no point did they ever have any moment of malice; they just never had the resources to understand or do better. Maybe it comes from working with neurodivergent kids that need things made more clear and explained to them in a unique way that is meant to help them in specific understand

Of course, this post isn't to say that people HAVE to educate others or that having these difficulties excuses harm done. It's never the victims fault that they were hurt, they never did and never do owe it to anyone to "educate them" to prevent getting hurt.

It's more so just to add some perspective, insight, and nuance to a lot of the social justice topics and a lot of the concept of "educate yourself" cause I think its important to have a lot more of a clear understanding of that in practice to actually help move everyone forward as a group

((And this is not meant to be just about neurodivergence; this is also about class, race, immigrant status, language barriers, environments, trauma and abuse histories, etc; this is a heavily intersectional post and is valid to apply to almost everyone. Learning foreign things is hard especially for certain people in certain situations. If you think it is only about one of these groups, you are missing the point; if enough people are missing the point I might follow this up when I have time))

[theredengineapologist]

From the ttte movies you seen, whats your fav?

✨THE GREAT RACE✨

The Great Race is THE BEST ONE! I may not have seen most of the other movies yet, but I'm very sure NOTHING is ever gonna beat this movie for me.

You're telling me they made a Thomas movie centered around what is basically a Train Pageant (tm) AND they made it a MUSICAL!!??? Hell yeah! Sign me up!

But then you actually get in to the movie and it gets even better.

EVERY SONG IS A BOP! EVERY! 👏 SINGLE! 👏ONE! 👏 THERE WAS NOT A SINGLE MISS IN THIS MOVIE! I don't know what they were on, but they were pumping out JAM after JAM!

Secondly, I think the Great Railway Show was a great way to introduce more foreign engines into the show in a way that made sense. Pity that we didn't really get to see much of them. But I also feel like we didn't really need to. I mainly just liked that we got to SEE them.

One of the things I LOVE about Brenner Era CGI Thomas is how the world of Sodor feels so much bigger. In the model series I get this sense that the Island of Sodor is this quaint little English countryside island where nothing much happens, and the engine's shenanigans are the most interesting things to happen in day-to-day life. Whereas I feel like in Brenner Era CGI Thomas, the world feels much grander. Still very much an English countryside island. But the island itself feels much bigger. The engines and the people living on it feel much busier. And in some ways I would say the cast itself feels more diverse once they gave the characters unique voices. I'm a sucker for shows that allow their characters to speak in different dialects, and giving Duck his West Country accent and the narrow gauge engines Welsch accents honestly endeared them to me more.

Anyway, main point I'm trying to get at is that the introduction of The Great Railway Show helped to expand the Thomas universe and show the rest of the world interacting with Sodor and vice-versa, even if only for a short period of time. It adds to the grandness of the world.

I also really like Thomas's arc in this movie. With how often he gets picked on for being a "little engine" over the course of the series, it's no wonder the guy's a little self conscious. If the narrator called me "short and stumpy" three times in a row I'd be pretty self-conscious too lol. But jokes aside, I did like seeing Thomas have conflict with this part of his identity. His verses in "You Can Only Be You" really made me feel for him, and I loved being able to see him finally come around at the end.

And of course, we can't talk about The Great Race without mentioning

HOW PRETTY JAMES'S DECORATIVE PAINTWORK IS!!!

LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT MY PRETTY BOY! GAZE UPON HIS BEAUTY AND HIS SPLENDIDNESS!!!

And you know what? I'm gonna say it. James deserved to win Best Decorated Engine. Sorry not sorry RAJIV! But they don't call me the Red Engine Apologist for nothing! My pookie deserved to win!

One of these days I've got to do humanized versions of James's and Emily's looks from this movie. I can see it very clearly in my head but I also want to, um, draw other characters HAHAHAHA

Anyway, TLDR, The Great Race was an amazing movie with a killer soundtrack, great story, and a concept that appeals to ME SPECIFICALLY. I also genuinely think it would adapt very well into a stage musical (similar in visual style to the Spongebob musical). I have a clear vision in my head for what it would look like but unfortunately I don't have the money nor resources to make it a reality so it would just stay in my head. But just know that every time I watch this movie I am actively thinking about how I would hypothetically adapt this to the stage.

I''ve spent WAY too much time rambling about The Great Race but yeah, there's your answer.

Also if you're curious, here's every Thomas movie I've watched so far ranked from favorite to least favorite.

The Great Race (obviously)

Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure (Thomas had a great arc in this one, "Never Overlook a Little Engine" was fun, and visuals are spectacular. Solid movie but it can't beat the campiness of The Great Race)

The Adventure Begins (Solid movie. The other two are just more fun imo)

Tale of the Brave (It was a good movie and I probably would have appreciated it more if I watched it in High Quality. But unfortunately I can't stand Kerry Shale James and so I chose to watch a grainy upload on YouTube instead.)

Journey Beyond Sodor (I'm sorry to my one mutual (you know who you are) who said this was their favorite movie. But unfortunately, in my opinion, the songs do not slap as hard as in The Great Race)

[zalrb]

i just wish we could get an actually erotic fun movie tho.. where we can have fun with the chaos of it all. what is going on that eroticsm feels like such a foreign concept that so many people don't seem to actually understand what it is and their just like "here is sex, here is kiss, here is people saying sexual things. BOOM {erotic} we've done it again everyone! how DO we do it? job done."

OK so what I have found is when they're talking about the eroticism in the movie, it's specifically the homoeroticism and narratively speaking, that's the most present part of the movie:

There are going to be so many interpretations of that scene. How do you see Patrick and Art’s relationship and sexual orientation?

Tennis, by its nature, is a very erotic sport. It’s sort of the opposite of boxing, where you’re all alone, and you’re trying to spend the whole match touching another person. Tennis is about being all alone, and being at a distance from somebody, and trying not to touch them. Trying to just miss them, and trying to trick them. Trying to make them think the ball is gonna go one place, and then go another place. There’s a deep intimacy and a deep eroticism in that, and also a lot of repression. It’s a very repressed sport, because again, the point is no contact. The point is to just miss the other person. To me, that’s almost like a Victorian romance. It’s very sexy. So tennis, of its nature, is erotic, and you usually play tennis against somebody of the same gender. So tennis, by its nature, then becomes almost homoerotic.

*

“Challengers” presents the rarest, most satisfying species of love triangle: “Luca felt it was very important that, in any love triangle, all the corners touch,” says first-time screenwriter Justin Kuritzkes, “and I quickly realized he meant it literally.” Guadagnino encouraged Kuritzkes to write the steamy scene where Patrick and Art start out kissing Tashi but somehow end up in a makeout session of their own.

*

O’Connor, who gets on a Zoom with us from a nondescript Philadelphia location while doing press this month, says he doesn’t know how to label the sexuality of the boys of “Challengers,” which has been the subject of constant chatter online. “I think they’re everything,” he says. “I think it’s Platonic and non-Platonic. I think they’re obsessed with each other. I think it’s stronger than love — we need each other in order to feel complete.”

but it's not presented or packaged as erotic, it's too pointed for that and too overtly sexual for that and it's nowhere near sensual enough. Like the Top Gun volleyball scene is more erotic than this entire movie and I mean that completely seriously, the opening shot of that scene is glistening skin

and then it's just topless dudes playing volleyball for no reason in the middle of a fighter pilot movie

that was already just chalk full of innuendo

I would even say Saltburn is more erotic than Challengers because it's way more indirect

and it's a movie that visually thrives in tensions

and I don't find Challengers glossy or slick enough to be a "sexy psychological sports drama" either

[chronurgy]

Okay since it looks like we're really actually genuinely going to (probably) get a new dragon age game soon, here's some (specifically story) stuff I'm hoping to see:

Kal Sharok - either a companion from there or a chance to go there, please please please I HAVE to learn what their deal is

Anderfels companion, especially a warden one - I'd love to get into messy warden politics in the country they rule but don't technically rule

Minrathous - I've needed this city injected into my veins ever since I saw that neon lit, floating building concept art and learned they host laser light shows there it looks sick as hell and I can't wait to see them contrast the barbaric south with the enlightened north and the horrible bloodshed that sustains it 🖤

Par vollen or any sort of permanent qunari settlement - more information about everyday life under the qun please! It's obviously hard to do that when the qunari don't make alliances as a rule and also they're actively at war with the imperium and the rest of thedas, but still

A religious schism within the qun - the qun is all about things following their proper nature, but who decides what the proper nature of things is? People, of course! And people will always disagree. It'd be interesting to meet an offshoot who claim that they're the ones following the "true" qun and it's actually the rest of qunari society that has failed to follow the correct path (I know this will never happen, no one else in the world would actually want to play religious schism simulator 4)

A foreign born mage who came to tevinter to avoid or escape the circle could be fascinating - I think there's a lot of conflict embedded in that character that could be used to great effect. What's their social class in tevinter? How do they justify the things they see? Do they even try?

Sick fucked up red lyrium magic - lyrium potions restore mana, what do red lyrium potions do? Hopefully let you do horrible and fucked up magic. Red lyrium was so cool in da2 and I'd be ecstatic if they'd return to those roots for it

Antiva - a plutocracy with a haunted marsh? Sign me the fuck up

The half destroyed ruins of a city decimated during a past blight - make the blight scary! Remind us of all that has been lost, and let us see some of that history firsthand

Just ANY followup on the lore from the descent dlc - can we get more about the titans please???

A diversity of opinions on Solas and his plan among the dalish - please let them be people with conflicting beliefs and desires and not just one monolithic group I'm begging

Related to the point above - a dalish companion would be excellent, especially if they could help bring that insight to the party

I wanted to get this out before we see the trailer and gameplay so I'm definitely forgetting some stuff. This is also just my personal list of things I'd like to see. I'll probably do another one focusing on more gameplay and mechanical things.

[highladyluck]

13 books tag game, tagged by @amemoryofwot and @asha-mage (incidentally I typoed that as "amemeryofwot" which would be an excellent sideblog concept, maybe snatch that one up?)

1) Last book I read:

Mistress of the Empire by Raymond Feist & Janny Wurts (at the time I started filling this out, anyway… I've been working on this ask for several days) This whole trilogy was a delight, thanks to @sixth-light for telling me I would love Mara!

2) A book I recommend:

The Best of All Possible Worlds by Karen Lord. It's a quiet little road trip romance exploring grief & diaspora, in a setting that I can best describe as 'if Madeline L'Engle had been in charge of Star Trek worldbuilding'. (If you squint you can see analogues to humans, Vulcans, Romulans, and Orions, but the tone is reminiscent of L'Engle.) There are sequels that follow different characters but this is the first one and it works as a standalone. I feel like it has a lovely light touch on some intense subjects and I appreciate the way each chapter works as a separate story while still fitting into the whole.

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

I remember staying up past my bedtime for The Monster Baru Cormorant, I think? At the very least, that's where we first get my beloved Tau-Indi, and the pacing on the climax is kinda weird, about 2/3rds in, so I think I would have read through to it without stopping. I don't know if this question is supposed to be about compellingness or pacing? Probably compellingness, I think I'm weirdly fixated on structure when I read things. But sometimes I think books you 'can't put down' are at least partially that way because there's no damn place to breathe, and I don't entirely approve.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more)

I see from literally everyone who has tagged me in this that this is one of the two free spaces for Wheel of Time, but I'll switch it up: Lifeboats by Diane Duane. It's set between Young Wizards 9 & 10 and deals with an emergency response team permanently evacuating an entire alien population from a natural disaster (RIP their moon and also consequently their planet). This novel is a huge comfort read for me and is undoubtedly the Young Wizards work I've read the most. I don't really know how to explain what it means to me… I wish I had had it when I was living and working in a foreign country.

5) A book on my TBR

A friend recommended Cahokia Jazz (in general, not to me specifically) and it sounds SO MUCH like my jam. I suspect if I can't find it at my library soon, I'll end up buying the ebook.

6) A book I’ve put down

Can't think of a recent one, but if I hadn't forced myself to finish reading it because it was a Hugo Award nominee, I would have DNF'd Project Hail Mary.

7) A book on my wish list

I wish for more Baru Cormorant but I also literally cannot imagine how Seth is going to write that next book. So like, I'm girding my loins for Baru #4 either 15 years from now or never.

8) A favourite book from childhood

When I was really little I loved the Berenstain Bear books and my mom HATED that I loved them ("they were so badly written!" - my mom the children's librarian) but she bought them for me anyway. That's love.

9) A book you would give a friend

You all need to read Middlemarch by George Eliot. I don't care what stage of life you're at, you will find something resonant in it. Read it now, and read it again in 20 years. Give it to recent high school grads. Give it as a wedding present. Take it to the beach. BUT I am specifically recommending it to the WoT contingent, because the characters are so good!

10) The most books you own by a single author

It's actually either Diane Duane or Terry Pratchett, and DD's probably winning because I don't have every Pratchett book but I do have almost every DD book including tie-in novels.

11) A nonfiction book you own

Four Lost Cities: A Secret History of the Urban Age by Annalee Newitz. I don't read a ton of nonfiction but the writing is very engaging and I think cities are neat.

12) what are you currently reading

I'm between books but I just finished The Imposition of Unnecessary Obstacles (as I am writing this part several days after question 1). I didn't like it as much as the first one, The Mimicking of Known Successes, but I think it's just a taste thing. I didn't like being in Pleiti's POV very much, her overthinking is too much like mine and it alternately stresses me out and makes me angry, because I can see the assumptions/unhelpful thought patterns but I can't fix them. Obviously, to draw that reaction from me the characters are well-defined, and I like everything else about the series, I just hope it goes back to Mossa's POV.

13) what are you planning on reading next?

WHEN WILL 'RED SIDE STORY' BY JASPER FFORDE REACH MY HOUSE??? I have been waiting like 15 years for this sequel to Shades of Grey and the entire point of preordering it was so I could have it ASAP. I could have walked into a bookstore on May 9th and walked out with it, and instead I won't get it until tomorrow. >:(

I think I am supposed to add a shelfie? The organizing principles(s) of this shelf in my bedroom are very weird…. Classics/adventure, fantasy, popular science writing? Someday I need to reshelve everything in the house according to size/favoriteness/genre/theme/vibes (in that order) but I haven’t felt like it.

I think pretty much everyone I was going to tag already got tagged, so whoever want to do it, go ahead!

[skiagraphe0]

Pinned Post

About:

Fairuz or Fai, whichever you prefer

On AO3 @ Skiagrapheo

He/him

Over 18

Jewish with a Muslim father and some Buddhist leanings

US American (regrettably)

Schrödinger's white aka not white when someone is racist but suddenly granted whiteness when someone wants to talk over me

Queer. My type is people older and smarter than me with nice eyes and preferably someone who likes my baking/cooking.

Language nerd! This is my special interest, 100%.

Neurodivergent. Specifically, ADHD.

Dyslexic and I'm sorry in advance if I botch your name as a result

I don't have a DNI, I just block people. Racists, queerphobes, etc. do not obey DNIs so this is just faster.

This blog is my mostly politics-free zone. I have multiple political scientists in the family. I need a break. I love them but I have had to hear them discuss the political history of Myanmar at 6AM when I have a migraine. I just can't do it anymore. I can't.

I don't do OTPs. Shipping one thing sounds really boring. "Which is the better couple-" whichever one is written best by the fic I'm currently reading. Next topic, please.

If you plan to whine about a man having a woman character as a tumblr icon or misgender me based on that: I'm sorry your dad never respected your mom to the point where a man liking a woman is a foreign concept to you. You must have had a very crappy dad to find this to be so upsetting. But your crappy dad and your resulting view that women can like male characters but not vice versa is more of a cry for help than I'm willing to deal with. I feel bad for you, but I'm not your therapist and I'm not equipped to fix what's wrong with you.

In general, when I hear 'cringe', what I hear is "I'm so weak a stranger's actions/likes/words make me upset even when they're harmless". If you're genuinely out here upset because someone you've never met likes a movie... you realize you've already lost, right? You're losing at life. You're so sensitive that I, someone with a mood disorder and neurodivergence, am over here going, "Oh, wow, dude, you need help." So please know in advance that the standard "ew you're a Disney adult!!!1! cRiNgE!1!!" thing people get for liking animation makes me quietly say a little prayer that things get better for you. If you were hoping for an internet fight or an altercation, you'll have to look elsewhere. I have better things to do than try to calm you down.

I don't do discourse. I don't care that someone shipped two characters but oh no, even though they're the same age, one is taller than the other or oh no, there's a 3 year age gap or whatever. I don't care. There are FOUR US states where it's legal to marry and have sex with a child at literally any age, INCLUDING AGE ZERO. Child marriage is legal in 37 states. Over 300,000 children have been married to adults in the US since 2000, some as young as TEN YEARS OLD. I don't give a damn about "uh Merida and Elsa have an age gap" THEY AREN'T REAL! I grew up in a state where child marriage was legal. I lost a friend to an abusive child marriage when she was 12. I don't want to hear about your fictional blorbos. Unless you're actively fighting to help end child marriage IRL I don't want to hear a word out of your mouth about fictional couples.

Fandoms: - Disney Dreamlight Valley - Frozen - Starsky and Hutch - Danny Phantom - Sailor Moon - Neopets - Vocaloid + Utau

Favorite Fiction Genres: - Gothic literature - Noir + neo noir - Reto sci-fi - Urban fantasy - Post-cyberpunk - Thriller - Classical literature (my high school didn't teach more of the books people on tumblr talk about, so I've been catching up. This also means I didn't have anything spoiled for me and I think that's why I've been enjoying a lot of these so much) - Biographies - Historical fiction

Favorite Bands/Composers: - Yoko Kanno - Gabriel Fauré - Rina Sawayama - Swervedriver - Ghost - AFI - Kendrick Lamar - Strauss - ∆XIUS LIИK - Saltillo - Linkin Park - Korn - Tamino - Seether - Alesana - T-Pain - Altan Urag - Purity Ring - Reol - BABYMETAL - The Fat Rat - Void of Vision - Halsey - Jeff Satur

Favorite Video Games: - Detention (返校) - Yume Nikki - Nexomon: Age of Extinction - Abzu - Cloudpunk - Disco Elysium - Raji: An Ancient Epic - Stardew Valley - Baldur's Gate 3

I follow a bunch of blogs I don't reblog from. I have ADHD, I keep meaning to actually do tumblr regularly, and then I don't. Look, I'm trying. But sometimes I'm just going to lurk, like a moth.

[head-empty-just-sigma]

hhhhhhmhmmhmmnnnnmmh Buddy Daddies is making me Think Thoughts and Feel Feelings

but i’m not gonna be doing any analyzing of the show or plot itself since 1. i know absolutely nothing about Japanese family/culture/norms/society in general and there’s plenty of amazing posts that talk about that already and 2. the show doesn’t really keep things hidden like a series like bsd does, so there’s not much to theorize about. so i’m not going to go searching for things that don’t exist in the story

however, what i am going to do is over analyze and look for things that probably don’t exist in the songs in the OP and the ED of the anime. yep. my brainrot is that bad

listen episode 7 did something to me okay

i think both songs symbolize Rei and Kazuki in their own ways, especially the OP since i think it encompasses both of them from the first to second verse of the song. the ED is where it really gets interesting, since for now it only really symbolizes one of them

🔺spoiler warning for episodes 1, 3, 6 and 7 and also basically the entire premise of both Kazuki and Rei's characters lol🔻

also long post warning. like, really really long post. i pulled out all the stops in my analyzing for this thing

The opening - SHOCK! by Ayase

fun fact Ayase is the vocaloid producer for the duo YOASOBI

So for this song I’m taking both the translated lyrics provided by Crunchyroll subtitles and the translation on the Miraikyun website I found while digging for reliable translation sources (I found… almost none for this song tbh). But I’ll include screenshots from the OP mostly for the first verse of the song that’s actually used for the opening of the anime.

So at first this song came off as lighthearted to me because the music itself is pretty upbeat and pop-ish, and while yes it is both of those things, the lyrics definitely tell another story of their own. The overarching theme is essentially the contemplation of what love is and what it means, and how the person singing isn’t able to understand love when they see it. They also don’t know what’s going on in another person’s head (who is potentially experiencing said love that the singer doesn’t understand). Immediately this makes me think of Rei’s character, in a couple of ways.

In his character PV it explicitly says that he’s someone who “doesn’t know love”, specifically using the character 愛 (ai) which is used for a more general type of love (could be family or other long-term relationships) and doesn’t necessarily have romantic connotations. This is a perfect example of how Rei, as a person, doesn’t understand the concept of “love” in general. It’s foreign to him, and it’s pretty obvious after episode 3 that he wasn’t raised as a normal child by his parents, he was raised to be a hitman by his father who wanted Rei to only refer to him as his “boss”. I don’t think I need to explain how much that would mess up someone’s perception of love in any sense of the word, and the anime actually does it for us by showing Rei as unfit for taking on a proper parental role in the makeshift family in the first few episodes. Hell, even in the beginning of episode 7 he seemed more like another kid in the house instead of Miri’s caretaker. He’s not used to being responsible for another human being, and it shows, but it’s because he genuinely has no idea about any of it since he doesn’t have any parental figure to base his standard of being a ‘parent’ off of. Kazuki is arguably the same in that regard, but he’s much more mature as a parent compared to Rei because he knows what it’s like to not have any parents or caretakers at all, and he wants to make sure Miri has good parental figures in her life so she doesn’t go through the same thing.

The lyrics in the first half of the song and the lyrics in the chorus can absolutely be used to symbolize Rei’s character here.

Rei does want to be a part of the family here, we solidified that in ep3 when he declared that he was Miri’s Papa. That was a key piece of character development for him, since before this we don’t see them interacting during the episodes as much as Kazuki and Miri do. So the lyrics about ‘wanting love’ is symbolic of him admitting to wanting to be a part of the family. The part about the city being ���madly in love and excited’ is just how he sees things, since he was taught to never smile or really express any emotions for that matter, so everyone else is automatically more expressive than him. He stays home a lot to play video games nonstop and chain smokes through all-nighters when Kazuki isn’t there, and he also tries to go home before ultimately being dragged outside by Kazuki. The next few lines could symbolize how Miri entering his life turned everything he was used to upside down, and his perception of life is slowly being torn down by Miri as he learns what it means to love and be loved in a parental way. The chorus just further drives in the fact that he truly has no idea what ‘love’ is, literally saying ‘How the heck should I know?’, but also that he doesn’t entirely understand Kazuki and why he’s so adamant on being a good parent. The ‘I don’t know what’s going on in your head’ line is perfectly fitting for ep6 when Rei was questioning a lot of the things coming out of Kazuki’s mouth (same. ‘our genes’ bro what). He’s also dragged through shenanigans time and time again by Kazuki and despite his complaining, he goes along with it anyway. The line about being unfairly friendly could be towards Miri or Kazuki, since sunshine Miri accepted Rei as he is and she loves her Papa no matter how emotionally dead he is, but also because Kazuki is probably the only real friend Rei has (which is something I’m sure will be explored in a future episode. Hopefully). The last one is directed at Miri, since Miri is also able to drag Rei into playing with her and doing other things despite his reluctance (just look at ep3). However, he still very much acts like an irresponsible child and more like Miri's sibling that Kazuki also has to take care of, so he has a long way to go before he's any sort of model parent…

Kazuki on the other hand is 100% symbolized in the second verse of the song.

I will die on this hill because there’s literally no counter argument after ep7, where we are explicitly shown that Kazuki is clinging on to his past to his own detriment. He’s scared of changing because he’s scared of forgetting Yuzuko if he’s fulfilled by something else (his family). He also calls himself pathetic in ep7, connecting the line about laughing ‘at my pitiful self’. This part of the song truly captures how Kazuki feels on the inside for the first 6 episode and the majority of ep7. The chorus could be a bit different in regards to 'it's not fair that you're so friendly', since that could be directed at Karin because she wants Kazuki to be able to move on and be happy with what he has since she believes that that's what Yuzuko would've wanted.

The ending lyrics symbolize that changing and looking towards the unpredictable future is okay, but oh my god did the ending hit like a freight train after episode 7. Just. Just holy emotional damage. Oh. My god.

The ending - My Plan by DURDN

I was able to find a translation that was basically the same as the Crunchyroll one on Genius Lyrics to reference the second verse yipee but I also included screenshots from the ED itself of course

I cannot get over how impactful this song became as the ED, especially at the end of episode 7. It’s basically an entire episode dedicated to Kazuki’s backstory, which we were shown glimpses of back in ep1 for crying out loud. And oh my lord it did not disappoint, that’s for sure. Emotional damage for everyone. So much character development in one single episode. I just--it's just great. That's all I can say.

I love this image and it lives in my head rent free. Sleeping Rei is always 10/10

The song has a theme of accepting the future and that things are going to change, but that it’s okay because there will always be something consistent there, like a home to come back to every day. It also has a lot of references to love, like the 'I softly whisper a lullaby' and 'let's try to share our love together', which is symbolic of Kazuki as a father. It doesn't really have any romantic connotations at all, it's just wholesomeness. Plus 'I chased after you as you ran barefoot' is reminiscent of the few seconds in the OP where we actually see Kazuki running past other people going the opposite direction, and then following behind Miri with Rei at his side.

Also episode 7 really brings out the last 5 lines, from 'and it'll shine down on our sadness' to 'when the future is unpredictable'. That scene where Karin told Kazuki that he should move on and be happy with what he has because that's what Yukuzo would've wanted, and then the rain stops so the sun can come out and shines on Kazuki's new outlook on the future and accepting change... It's so fucking beautiful and symbolic. Not to mention it's taking place where he and Yuzuko first met, where she was his proverbial ray of hope when he was wounded in the rain, now the rain stops and Kazuki is able to see hope in his future with his new family. I just cannot express how impressive that is from a storytelling standpoint, and it's all literally just using the changing of the weather.

Also the line of 'maybe one day, you'll surpass me' could be referencing how Kazuki wants Miri to be able to have the things he never did: a family, stability, and that familial love. Kazuki is painfully self-aware that he became a hitman (and a malewife) because he grew up with no parents and had to fend for himself his whole life. He wants to make sure Miri never has to go through any of that, and have more opportunities that he never did when she gets older.

The ending song doesn't really fit Rei as a character, even in the part not used in the ED. The second verse is still very much relating to Kazuki and Miri's interactions day-to-day and him enjoying raising Miri, and knowing he'll be endeared by everything she does no matter how old she gets (like any other parent, I assume. idk I'm a Rei kinnie). But we know that Miri is changing Rei slowly, from ep3 when he begins to see what being a Papa means to ep7 when he learns that sometimes taking care of another human being can make you feel powerless in the face of a 'crisis'. Most other times we only really see him being a real parent to Miri when he's dragged into it by Kazuki, but ep7 showed him going from irresponsible second child of the household to going to Kyu-chan in a panic because Miri is sick and he has no idea what to do as a parent. Hopefully we get to see this built upon further in the coming episodes, even if we don't get to explore his backstory as much as we have Kazuki's this season.

[shai-manahan]

Hello!

I am a person who is writing his own Interactive Fiction game. I currently have about 50k words written for it and will probably be making a forum thread soon. But I really need some advice from you as your game is one of my favourite.

The thing I am struggling with is my plot seems a bit bland to me and I just don't know what to do about it. Like I at the start only decided my game is going to be very reactive to choices and I have loads of meaningful choices and lots of variables remembering lots of things. But when I read through what I have written so far it feels a bit meh. Like your game is soooo intriguing as a reade. So my question was how do I make the plot more intriguing?? Sorry for the long ass post

I'm probably not the best person to ask about this; I go through cycles of self-doubt at least a few times a month 😞

But I'll do my best to help!

First of all, 50k words for an initial demo is impressive! HM had around 28k words when I first uploaded a public demo (which was just the first version of the prologue), so you're doing very well!

I think it would help tremendously for you to sit down and figure out what themes you wish to put focus on. It doesn't mean that you can't tackle a few others as you write, but it's always good to set goals like this to maintain consistency and make their presence strong in the story. It doesn't have to be something "grand"; it just needs to be clear in your head.

It's cool to aim for your choices to be meaningful, but watch out for scope creep. Not that I can talk; I have way too many variables tracking the MC's actions/dialogue choices as well as routes that not many will ever know about. And they can be fun! Just remember that fun doesn't always remove the stress attached to those boosts of excitement. I'd say try to focus on choices/variables you're sure you can deal with, particularly those that can enhance the quality of your plot, and you can decide to add more once you're certain you can handle them.

I have no way of knowing you're not already doing this, but well-developed characters help the impact of the plot grow stronger. Their fears, motivations, what they need to see vs what they have currently. Humans are complex beings, and for me, it's always interesting to try and explore that complexity. I love exploring it.

Try to talk to a friend about what you have at the moment! It helps to have some who'd never mince their words and are willing to give honest feedback while being helpful at the same time. In a way, it can be encouraging to know you have someone to depend to, and I hope you can find them if you haven't met such a person yet.

It's a first draft!! This is something I also keep telling myself, though it doesn't necessarily help me clear out all doubts all the time. But you should at least be aware of it. This is the first time I'm creating an IF, but I did a lot of film screenplays before, and my first drafts always sucked. It's why rewrites are not a foreign concept to me, and why I know HM might go through a lot of changes before I settle on its final version. But I do think both readers and writers should be aware of the fact that first drafts aren't supposed to be perfect; and WIPs, no matter how long they are, shouldn't be expected to have no flaws at all.

I cannot stress this out more, but taking walks outside or even doing the most mundane of errands can help to clear your mind! Try to take some rest; it might even give you some perspectives you haven't thought of before :))

I think that's all I can give for now, and I hope you're having a great time writing so far! I do want to remind you that you'll have to find methods that personally work for you as well, whether you're a plotter, a pantser, or something in between. It's why I haven't been too specific with the things I said; it's best for you to try and see what actually works for you as a writer. Best of luck <3