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nightswithkookmin · 3 years ago

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Jimin is a pretty bOY

This is a continuation of our discussion on my last post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, I think I agree with all of it.

Not sure how I feel about the calling eachother out bit or near scolding of others in the comments. Please let's be welcoming and respectful of others's thoughts regardless of whether or not we agree with it. It's ok to hold diverse views. We do after all come from different backgrounds and have accumulated different experiences and I think it plays out in how we see things. Everyone's opinion is valid. Plus, I purple yall.

Now, do I think he is trying to pack on muscles........? Yes. He said so himself in Festa when he said he would rush to the mirror when he thought he had gained some muscle only to find out his biceps looks like a muscled kindergartner.

He also said lately he's into exercising and staying in shape which is true because for quite sometime now since early this year he has been talking about how "weak" he is in their Vlives and have even given instances of him not being able to do certain things- certian simple and easy tasks- which is typical of him I'd say. He's always talking about how "weak" he is especially around JK and juxtaposing that with "but JK is so strong" which I'm sorry but I have to smirk at right now cos it's such a typical gay pick me simp thing to do. We've all been there.

Do I think he's trying to be a muscle bunny or revert back to his body shape around debut? Absolutely not. But I do think he is straddling the line of toxic masculinity which is what the conversation is about.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to stay in shape or even enjoying work outs. Last night I ran downstairs because I had left my stew on the stove and now this morning I called renew my gym membership because I discovered running can be actually fun to do... No. No it's not. The gym instructor would have to come for me kicking and screaming.

RM have said even though JM looks skinny and fragile he is one of the strongest within the group. Besides, this is not the first time he's expressed interest in working out and building his body- hello, on Era?

I remember people complaining he looked too buffed up in that period on SNS and PJMs quickly jumping in to clear the searches for it. The choreo for On required agility and endurance and required the members- not just JM build up some definition in their muscles.

We've seen them go through all that. So it's not simply a matter of black and white staying in shape or doing it because he feels pressured to do so. Especially, when you consider that he's undertaken some pretty unhealthy measures in the past in attempts to lose weight or soften out his body post these muscle building, weight gaining periods and we've always chalked it up to his dance and how as a contemporary dancer he has to look a certain way or this or that to try to justify and make sense of it. Next you, know there are six chapters of break the silence of him talking about all the dark places he's been, the pressures to look his best for his fans or for his job and all these other painful stories he's shared with us over the years. And it's like, but why? Why do this to yourself?

I'll never forget the look he gave JK when JK was talking about wanting to build muscles in one of the interviews for the promotion of Be- I think I made a post on it. When JK noticed JMs disapproving glare he backtracked saying he would want to stay skinny after gaining all that muscles.

I mean if I'm to be honest, he was bound to crack at one point. The signs were there being surrounded by all these men who adhere to the traditional aesthetics of a masculine body- from Namjoon to Taehyung.

I wish y'all will steer the conversation in this direction and make it more about gender norms and expressions and breaking stereotypes and diversity in the body aesthetics of men.

Jimin is a man too. He just isn't what people traditionally will label masculine. Androgynous is more an apt word in my opinion. How many times have I said, I think Jungkook hetero passes because his body aesthetics is quintessentially what most associates with a masculine man?

Breaking gender barriers is not just about embracing feminine apparels- that teeters on cross dressing quite frankly and can be a bit performative and baity. Then you have to consider their culture in itself has an inherent pro gender diversity feel to it.

Now, let me explain my problem with the Klout ad campaign a little bit.

Do you see how Tae stands out? And I'm not saying this to fuel the "Tae was their fav" debacle. It's the 007 feel... I'll explain in a bit.

Most often, alcohol advertisers as well as most advertisements intended to sell to men often try to appeal to men's internalized ideals of masculinity or try to shape and define what a man or masculinity should look like. These ideals are so often toxic and detrimental to men and mostly women too.

Take a look at these ads for example. All I had to do was google search ads for men.

Real men drink milk and look at the image they present as real men. This blatantly implies if you don't look like this, if you are not a strong cliff climbing man with abs you are not a real man.

The second image is subtle. I call it the 007 slash Kingsmen-esque ideals of masculinity. It portrays men as sexy cool badass- works out but isn't too buff, filthy rich or middle class, wears Rolex, designer clothes, is kind but has a mean exterior and is every 13 year old wattpad girls's dream of a man. In fiction, you see this kind of masculinity in characters such as Edward cullens to Christian Grey. And a lot of ads for men alternate between these two ideals of masculinity.

Do you see how they modeled Taehyung in these ads after this kind of masctheme? Tae looks the same in almost all the ads. 007 sexy cool badass.

Now, I may not be a makeup beauty guru or MUA or whatever, but one thing I've picked up on especially when it comes to makeup for men- BTS and Kpop idols mostly is that, they soften out the harsh features on their faces and make them appear more androgynous or effeminate to suit the Kpop look and they ditch it entirely in different settings.

So for instance, Tae and Kookie's natural hawkish eyebrows tend to get softened around the arch and edges- don't know how the fuck they do that- but it appears less in your face intense most times when they wear make up in kpop related contents.

However, in certain other contents that lean towards a certain gender theme those features are emphasized. Not to say hawkish features are masculine features. Just saying in men, Kpop idols, my observation is they soften those features out with makeup or surgery.

Now, take a look at JM in these ads and look at everything from his posture, make up, hairstyle and brows. It's as if someone took an eraser to his androgynousity and erased his feminine side. Take a look at his photo above and compare it to the ads.

I am not a man. But I feel the gender look they went for, intended to appeal to men, tapped into a rather outdated stereotype of what man and masculinity should look like.

What is a man?

What should a man look like?

What aesthetics of masculinity is Jimin gravitating towards now? And I'm not talking clothes, I'm talking the expression of his gender. Time and again, he's talked about how looking a certain way made him uncomfortable in the past because he was constantly fighting his feminine side. He is androgynous. Sometimes he leans more into his feminine side. Other times he leans more into his masculine side but this is the only time he's leaning into his masculinity that makes me uncomfortable to watch because like I said it bothers on toxic masculinity.

He's said whoever he was, the version fighting to look masculine, that wasn't him. So forgive me if I worry whenever i see him suppressing his feminine side and acting like 'one of the boys.' Him staying in shape is not synonymous with him erasing a valid part of himself or suppressing it. He can stay in shape, celebrate his masculinity and still be FILTER.

What I'm saying is, this not a conversation about him exercising. This is a conversation about an ad erasing his feminine side and boxing him into a narrow expression of his gender and how that might be affecting his view of himself especially in the way he's been gravitating towards a certain masculine aesthetics and how that could be toxic.

Tae has said the same thing and BTS have agreed the JM as of 2019 was the real JM according to them.They said he was that way- suppressing his feminine side, because there weren't much songs and choreos that suited him and so he had had to bend himself to fit with the others.

And so when I see him leaning a certain way I tend to wonder if his exterior environment is playing a role in that. I hope you can understand that.

He is a contemporary dancer and strength and flexibility are prerequisites for his craft. The company go out of their way to incorporate contemporary dance in their choreos for JM's sake which helps solve that problem of him trying too hard to look a certain way.

May be I'm projecting. May be my little brother is effeminate and I've always recommended Jimin as a role for him to tell him not to try to look different just because other boys look different. May be I've seen him try one too many times to kill himself in the gym trying to build on muscles and getting frustrated with himself because he ends up looking like someone else. You can't gym the queerness away. Society will never let you be who you want to be so you might as well flip it the middle finger.

These boys are being shaped by their environment. I hate to say this but the environment they are in isn't exactly progressive and the longer they stay in there cut off from the outside world...

Flying out helps. Meeting different people and being exposed to different cultures and conversations on gender expression helps.

Anywho, these are just concerns I have. Will have them till I see that's not where he is headed towards. But let's not act like these ad campaigns do not and can not psychologically impact these boys especially as these advertisers are not looking to tap into their own definition of gender and masculinity but shape it and redefine it to appeal to the demographic they intend to market to.

I think this is just a grey area for me. Rather than try to change JM to look a certain way in order to sell alcohol. I think the ground breaking thing would be to have a man who looks like JM show us how someone like him would sell a can of drink. I think that would be revolutionary.

Signed,

GOLDY

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ghost0loxer · 3 years ago

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Imagine, a gender fluid teenager like myself has a favourite/feel-good film and that film is “Just One of the Guys,”from the mid 80s.

Picture this: theatre class, we watch “She’s The Man”, a dreamworks film from the 2000s. And yet, the social justice issues within the film are glaringly obvious to today’s society. Don’t get me wrong, it can be a funny film in a group setting - but then there are scenes that are just uncomfortable. Now, we discussed these themes in class, but I just can’t help but think about the film that came before it. Yes, StM (she’s the mans) is a modern day adaption of Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night” but I was thinking about the modern day adaption before StM, “Just One of the Guys” from the mid 80s.

I love this film. For multiple reasons, which I hope to discuss.

Number one, our main character. Terry Griffith is stubborn. If she thinks something is right, she won’t let anyone say no or get in her way. Now in some cases, this is great. It’s definitely a shift in the usual romantic comedy female lead (especially for the 80s). But it’s one of her biggest flaws. In the beginning, Terry doesn’t win a contest for a part-time job at the Sun Tribune. She believes her article was amazing, but she speaks with her English teacher and he gives it to her straight. “You don’t have what it takes to be a reporter.” Her article is boring; it’s about the nutritional value of the lunch menu in the school cafeteria, of course it’s boring. But the words her teacher tells her has her convinced it’s because she’s a woman. Thus, she leaves school for two weeks and transfers as a buy to another school who are holding the same competition. Once she gives her article, she is told almost the same thing, but this time, she’s given proper feedback to improve it. Of course, there was some irony with this scene between Terry and the teacher. “Just because you’re guy, doesn’t mean you can’t be sensitive or light.” Thing is, she doesn’t give up, she strives to fix it and finds a new angle. I love her determination, I love the way she doesn’t let others push her around. Furthermore, her transition to a man. In StM, Viola as a guy is made to be cringey and comedic, you watch and think, there’s no way a guy would do that. But Terry, having grown up with a younger brother and is actually smart, manages to nail the role. Sure, she has slip-ups, but she stays afloat and she’s not being over the top. She’s chill and convincing, yet you as the audience can tell she’s trying to appear masculine. Her lines are witty and she’s sharp. Someone has something to say, she’ll be able to backtrack and answer with a joke or sarcasm quickly. I like smart characters.

Another point, the way women are written in this film. A lot of women in this film are treated like shit, but it’s probably a realistic depiction of the 80s. Everyone is talking about dating and sex, it seems to be the only topic the women in this film speak about, unless they are Terry. Terry seems to be the only character in this film whose main goal is not romance or sex. She strives to be a reporter, she wants to prove herself, and she rejects the advances upon her frequently. Whether it’s the boys asking her on dates in halls, or her own boyfriend attempting to seduce her when her parents aren’t home, she doesn’t put them above herself, yet she still lets them down easily, unless they become more pushy (case in point, her boyfriend, Kevin, in the beginning). She can stand up for herself, but she’s not the only one. Her best friend, Denise is one of the many women looking for love, nevertheless, she holds standards. I will admit, I didn’t like Denise’s acting in the beginning; she’s not a great character, but even she manages to reject men’s advances constantly. She’s not afraid to say it bluntly and she expresses her true emotions when certain guys try to ask her out. She tells it to them straight, and I respect her for that (despite her lack of empathy for some). Terry’s brother is constantly hitting on Denise, but she stands her ground. She doesn’t hit him or curse him out, she spins words around him and always lead back to the key word “no.”

This is my third, and maybe final point, (because I’m not great at writing but I’m starting to get tired) the way they handle sexual orientation. It seems if you’re going to make a film about a cross-dressing woman who falls in love with a man, you have to discuss sexuality and this film is not afraid to. That was my biggest beef with StM, when Viola confessed her love to Duke, the made it blatantly clear that it was “weird” and “unusual”; the editing and music cuts. It was done for comedic purposes, but in that moment, it just made me cringe. Even when the principal marched onto the field during the big match to expose Sebastian as “the woman he was all along,” he used a big megaphone and said to the whole crowd this man is in fact a girl. If it were to happen in the real world, and this character was a trans male, that would be traumatizing and so so insensitive. I couldn’t help thinking the way they handled the reveal in StM was poor and shitty.

But with JOotG (just one of the guys)? It’s done respectfully. Throughout the film, Buddy, Terry’s younger, sex-obsessed brother (I have thoughts on this character), often refers to Terry as a transvestite or sexually confused. They make references about her dating other women and jokes. It’s not treated like taboo, but just something people normally talk about, and as a questioning kid when I first watched the film, I really needed that. Although it was used for jokes, the fact that it wasn’t treated like a silent topic made me think more of it and discover who I was; it was media like this that made me accept myself.

Even with the reveal. Kevin, Terry’s boyfriend (or ex boyfriend by the end), stomps up to Terry after she’s wrestled with the school bully and was dumped into the waves at prom. Rick, who’s been Terry’s friend (and is the male lead) throughout her time at his high school, immediately questions who Kevin is and he responds with a harsh and sure “Terry’s boyfriend.” Of course, that doesn’t expose Terry as female, but makes Rick assume she’s a homosexual. But instead of calling her weird or replying negatively, he answers Kevin’s question calmly and says he’s just a friend. There is no prejudice, no disgust, Rick is shocked, but that’s expected. Furthermore, this reveal not only does not alienate homosexuality, it puts the center of focus on the main characters rather than have the whole audience/prom witness this exchange. Sure, the rest of the school is watching but the camera never pans over to them, and even then, Terry drags Rick away from the crowds to a secluded area to explain more.

Even once they’re secluded, Rick doesn’t yell at her or is homophobic. He just says “I understand, you’re gay.” As we know, Terry is not in fact gay and she reveals this to him in a similar fashion as StM, at least it’s not flashing a whole crowd. But the thing that hits me, is the fact that it’s not used as a joke or for comedy. Throughout the film, they’ve mentioned homosexuality and being transgender, but it was used as a light-hearted joke (nothing insulting or derogatory). In this moment, it’s not a joke, and it’s the bare minimum for a emotional scene like this, but it always hits me.

Of course, Rick gets justifiably mad that he’s been deceived and he storms off. Terry’s flaw catches up to her here, as she kisses him in front of the prom guests, stubborn to make him realize how much she cares. ( I didn’t agree with this action to be frank, I cringed ). The crowd gasps and it’s the usual reaction to a homosexual kiss and Rick just pulls back, says “It’s alright everyone, he’s got tits,” and leaves with Deborah.

In true romantic comedy fashion, life moves on. Terry gets the job at the Sun-Tribune after writing her article about posing as a guy and everyone who was longing for love in the beginning has found it, except Terry. The ending, however, is Rick coming back for her after a couple (days? Weeks? Idk all I know is it’s summer by the time he comes back, how much space between prom and summer?) and they kiss, go on a date and all is good.

Now after writing this long ass post, I’ve come to realize the main reason I like this film. Sure, Terry is a good character (not morally sometimes, but she’s interesting to watch), the way women are presented also is good, but my main source of affection for this film (in comparison to StM) is the way they handle the switching of genders. I’m gender fluid, I don’t always like being a woman or a man, I switch almost daily and half the time can’t decide if I want to grow out my hair or cut it. Seeing Terry, originally a woman, manage to convince people she was a guy made me wish I could do it too. It made me realize, I don’t always like being a woman. I want to be a guy sometimes, and I want that to be accepted. It was media like this, like Ouran High School Host Club, like Bare: A Pop Opera, that made me understand my gender and sexuality. (Even media that didn’t have any relation to LGBTQ+ helped).

When I first heard of “She’s the Man”, I had hoped it would be like these pieces of media. And it wasn’t. It was an alright film, but made me feel disappointed and somewhat let down. And that’s why I just prefer Just One of the Guys. Maybe it wouldn’t float in today’s political climate, maybe I’m wrong for seeing these points as reasons it’s one of my favorites, but its still better than StM and is one of my favourite films.

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9thbutterfly · 4 years ago

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I wanna know about all your projects! they sound so interesting! but if I have to chose tell me more about goblins please? or nettle patch?

Goblins:

One of my many Kivailo world stories - how do I quickly explain the Kivailo world? Teenage/early twenties me grappling with the question of “could something like the nazis happen today?” and creating the most fucked-up country I could come up with. (And later mostly losing my interest in it because I realised the real world is at least that fucked up, if not more.)

I think plot-wise Goblins is the most interesting of the Kivailo world stories - it has “overcoming a lot of internalised homophobia and falling in love with another woman” and “rapist going from being an utter asshole to somewhat decent and saving some people’s lives (but still being a rapist because you can’t make that un-happen)” and “cute little girl and kindly old grandpa hide a person from genocidal government”.

Unfortunately it is an unedited and unfinished NaNoWriMo story... let me see if I can find a good bit that isn’t a complete mess of typos and notes to myself...

The little girl, standing in the hallway with her arms wrapped around the old man’s middle, was crying now. “But the goblin!” she sobbed into the man’s stomach. “They’ll see the goblin.”

Jonathan had already opened the door, and Julius followed him through before he had fully processed what the girl had said. But as soon as he had stepped onto the stairs leading to the attic, he understood.

He didn’t need to see – he knew as soon as he smelt it. The faint stench of urine and sweat, the smell of a human confined in a small room. Without thinking, he pulled the door shut and grabbed Jonathan’s jacket to spin him around and pin him against the wall. “You’ll keep quiet.” He whispered. “You won’t breathe a word, to anyone, or I’ll – I’ll tell everyone you��re gay.”

He was grasping at straws, voicing the one threat that popped into his mind, the one that might scare someone even if it had no basis in fact. Jonathan had full five months of military service left, and to spend these five months with everyone believing him to be gay would be a nightmare, perhaps even worse than what Julius had lived through when Daniel’s existence had become known.

But it seemed his random threat had hit home. In the dim light of the bare light bulb, Jonathan gasped, “No, please -! How did you -?” He snapped his mouth shut and bit his lip as if he had just realized that he’d all but confirmed Julius had been right. Julius himself nearly let go of Jonathan’s collar and stepped back, so shocked by the discovery that he almost forgot what was at stake. But the wave of sudden disgust, the disturbing idea that Jonathan might think he’d grabbed him to kiss him, still didn’t wash away the knowledge of what they would find at the top of the stairs – what the little girl had been crying about.

“Never you mind,” he grated. “You just keep your bloody mouth shut. And your hands and eyes off me, just so that’s clear.” He loosened his grip for a moment, then tightened it again. “Is that clear?”

Jonathan nodded, his eyes wide, his mouth working silently.

“You’ll stay quiet?” Jonathan nodded again, and Julius let go of him and continued up the stairs.

The attic was filled with a jumble of old furniture and cardboard boxes. A dusty wardrobe and a stack of boxes formed a wall next to the stairwell, with just a tiny bit of space to crawl to the other side. Julius got down on hands and knees to slip through. There was a mattress there, with a tangled nest of blankets and quilts, a covered bucket in the corner, an all too familiar sight for him, and balls and bits of string littering the floor. In a swift movement, he pulled the wardrobe door open.

The Kivailo cowered inside, shrinking back into the corner at the sight of Julius. At first glance, he seemed to be a middle-aged man, but as Julius put a finger to his lips, signalling for quiet, he thought he was probably not all that old, thirty at most. The Kivailo stared at him uncomprehendingly until Julius shut the door.

“Well?” he called to Jonathan. “Are you going to come, or what?” The other soldier quickly hurried up the stairs.

“The girl’s play room, I’d say,” he commented as Jonathan stuck his head through the gap in the boxes. He made a show of opening the wardrobe again and peering inside, catching another glimpse of the Kivailo’s terrified face, then shrugged, closed the wardrobe and poking a couple of boxes.

“It smells…” Jonathan started, but Julius wasn’t going to let him finish. “She probably left some snacks up here until they rotted. You know how children are. Come on, let’s check the other side.”

“Julius,” Jonathan said quietly as they poked around between the odd pieces of furniture on the other side of the stairwell, a crib, a rocking chair, some dilapidated cabinets, with a sewing machine and a typewriter standing on top. “There’s got to be…”

“I said, not a word,” Julius cut across him. “And I mean it.”

Jonathan’s eyes went wide, as if he just now understood what Julius had meant. “You’re…”

“Not a word,” was all Julius said, and he turned and clattered down the stairs, waiting for Jonathan to follow before he opened the door.

They had only just closed the door again when Officer Needs-A-Name came up from the cellar.

“Nothing to report, sir,” Julius said. “Just junk and a play space for the girl.” He jerked his head at the child and her stony-faced grandfather.

“I got nothing, either. On we go, then.”

He was as bored with these endless raids as the soldiers were, Julius suddenly understood. And he didn’t really expect to find anyone. He shot Jonathan another warning look as he followed the officer, then, when the older man was out the door, dropped to his knees next to the girl, just for a moment, just to whisper, “Don’t worry about the goblin. I used to have one in my house as well.” Before she or the old man had time to reply anything, he rose and followed the others out of the house.

Nettle Patch’s full title was “Out of the Nettle Patch into the Brambles” (no connection to The Bramble Prince, though), and it was supposed to be a fantasy story in which a bunch of farmers and craftspeople (just normal people, who do not turn out to be secretly royalty) save the world from some sort of supernatural threat... except I never really figured out what the threat was supposed to be, so it didn’t really go anywhere. So the whole thing is kind of a mess consisting of lots of backtracking and notes to myself and typos (again, unedited NaNoWriMo) but I liked the bit where a very shy teenager who is totally not a self-insert gets volunteered for the Quest.

His mother sat down beside him, and poked him with a sharp elbow. “Sit properly,” she reminded him sharply but quietly, and he slowly unfolded himself from his preferred posture, with knees pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped around them, and crossed his legs like everyone else was doing.

“Well, Denneb,” his mother said. “These fine folks here are heading off across the mountains to find some lady that stole something from the temple, and they are going to need some help – they don’t speak the language, of course, and they also don’t know much about finding food in the forest, or about sleeping out of doors, like you do, so I thought it would be lovely if you went with them to help them. And it would be good for you to see a bit of the world, too – you can’t spend all of your life up here with your grandfather. I mean, I would prefer it if you just came down to visit us all a bit more often, and went to the village like everyone else, instead of sending you away, but if that’s what it takes to get you to come out of your hood a bit, then so be it. And how will you ever find someone to marry, if you always hide up here? You can’t marry a bear or a tree or something. And you’re really of an age to start looking for a nice girl, or a nice boy I suppose, Mother knows this family produces enough children that there’d be a few for you and a husband to raise, if you’d rather have one of those than a wife. But a wife would be lovely, of course, so you could have babies of your own.”

“Wait, what is this? Why does Denneb get to go over the mountains and look for a wife?” Nonnol suddenly appeared around the corner of the house again, skewers with marmot meat in her hands. “I want to go over the mountains to look for a wife.”

#chatty butterfly #bookshelfdreams

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ear-monstrosities · 4 years ago

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the silence isn’t so bad ‘til I look at my hands and feel sad, ‘cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly (1/1)

Summary: ”I will never stop loving you Chloe. Not now, not ever. No matter where I am, I will be there with you through thick and thin. I will never truly leave you.”

Word Count: 5,336

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Major Character Death(s)

A/N: Title from Vanilla Twilight -Owl City I do not own the characters or anything associated with Pitch Perfect (except Jacob and BJ)

Read here or on AO3

* * * * *

Chloe dragged her feet through the door and plopped down on the couch. Work had really taken a toll on her today. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in her nice, comfy bed and take a 24-hour nap. She knew she couldn’t, though, as she had a family to feed. After several episodes of Meet the Frasers, Chloe glanced at the clock. Beca and Jake should be home by now, they should have been home at least a half-hour ago. Chloe started to get up from the couch when her phone rang.

”Hello?” Chloe hesitantly answered the phone.

”Is this Mrs. Beale-Mitchell?” The man’s gravelly voice came through the speaker.

”Yes, this is she” Chloe’s response showed the worry in her voice.

”Beca Beale-Mitchell and Jacob Beale-Mitchell have been in an accident. Beca is in critical condition.“ The man replied, and Chloe’s face went white. The rest of the conversation was a jumble of words as she grabbed her keys and ran out the door. She slung open the door to her car in a panicked frenzy and sat down in the driver's seat. Not ten seconds went by and she was already screaming down and out of the driveway. She knew she shouldn’t be putting herself in danger just to get there, but she couldn’t stand the thought of her wife and son being hurt.

Chloe pulled up to the hospital and got out of her car hastily. When she got to the front desk, she gave her name and who she was there for, before swiftly walking to see them.

”How bad is it?” Chloe frantically asked the doctor. There was fear in her eyes as a lonesome tear ran down her cheek.

”She’s coming in and out of consciousness and is in critical condition. There’s not much more we can do for her. As for Jacob, he’s stable. He’ll make it out.” The doctor replied with sympathy in his eyes. Chloe opened her mouth to speak but the doctor cut her off.

”You might want to go speak to her. There’s no telling how long she has left. We don’t think she’ll make it through the night” Chloe let out a sob as the tears came streaming down her cheeks. She didn’t attempt to dry them as she walked towards Beca.

”Chloe? Baby, is that you?” Beca said in a raspy voice as her eyes fluttered open. Chloe smiled at the younger woman.

”It’s me Becs. I’m here. I’m not gonna leave you. Never.” Chloe said with determination.

”I think I’ll be the one leaving, Chlo.” Chloe tried to protest but Beca stopped her. “I need you to stay strong for me, honey. I might not make it out of this hospital, so that means you need to keep going. Find someone that will take care of you and love you when I’m gone. Take care of our kids.”

Beca placed a battered hand on Chloe’s ever-growing abdomen. She was 6 months pregnant with their baby girl. They used Beca’s eggs, so there would be a mini Beca for her to have running around the house.

”I will never stop loving you, Chloe. Not now, not ever. No matter where I am, I will be there with you through thick and thin. I will never truly leave you.” Beca was crying at this point.

”I love you too, Beca, but you’re gonna be okay.” Chloe replied, but Beca just shook her head.

”I really don’t think I will. It’s just my time to go.” Beca’s voice cracked and she looked away. “But I don’t wanna spend the last day of my life alone. I wanna be here, with you. Will you stay here with me?”

”Of course, Becs” Chloe eased into the side of Beca’s bed and slowly snuggled her head into her side, being careful not to hit a cord or hurt her. About an hour went by with doctors coming in and out of the room. Chloe never stopped crying, and Beca stroked Chloe’s head while she was conscious.

”Thank you, Chloe. Thank you for this wonderful life you’ve given me. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love my girls-“ Beca caressed Chloe’s abdomen “-and my baby boy who is not such a baby anymore”

The beeping on the monitor gradually slowed down

“I love you, Chloe. So much. Never forget that.” Beca squeezed Chloe’s hand as her eyes fluttered shut and her breath spilled out of her lungs with a small groan. Chloe sobbed loudly and called the doctor in. The doctor placed a gentle hand on her shoulder as she left the room and went to go see her son. She walked into the room and was met with a pair of puffy eyes.

”She’s gone, isn’t she?” The 9 year old boy asked with a shake to his voice. Chloe didn’t say anything as she walked over and held the boy in her arms.

”I made her late Mom. I made her late and now my Mama’s gone” The young boy sobbed into his mother’s shirt.

”It’s not your fault, Jakey. No one could’ve known.” Chloe gently said to Jacob.

”No, no, if I wouldn’t have asked to meet Halsey, she wouldn’t have been there. We would’ve already been home and we would both be safe” Jacob sobbed.

”It is not your fault, you hear me?” Jacob slowly nodded and went back to crying.

”Let it out. Don’t be afraid, just let it out” Chloe whispered to the boy as both of them let their emotions take over them.

”We’ll never be without her. We’ll never forget her. She’s a part of us.” Chloe spoke between sobs.

”She's never truly gone, she's only gone once we forget her. I won’t let that happen.”

”C’mon Chlo, you got this. Push!” Aubrey was by Chloe’s side through the entire labor. She didn’t leave once. She might not be Beca, but Aubrey’s husband died a year before Beca did, so they stick together.

”One more push, she’s almost here,” Aubrey said barely loud enough for Chloe to hear. The screaming cries of a newborn baby filled the room. A beautiful baby girl with a head full of brown hair was placed into Chloe’s arms.

”She’s beautiful, Bree” Chloe whispered and started crying.

”What’re you gonna name her?” Aubrey asked while smiling at the bundle of joy in Chloe’s arms.

”Beca Jaymes Beale-Mitchell.” Chloe confidently stated, leaving Aubrey gaping for a few seconds

”J-Jaymes?” Aubrey stuttered as she ran the name over in her mind again. That was the name of her late husband.

”Yes, Bree. I named her after him, too. You both helped me through so much, and I wanted to honor him in a way.” Chloe explained with a huge grin on her face.

”I love you, Chloe.” Aubrey sobbed and kissed Chloe on the forehead.

”I love you too, Aubs,” Chloe said before returning her attention to Baby Beca in her arms.

“Support her head, Jake,” Chloe said as she passed the half-sleeping baby into his arms. Jacob started crying as he looked at her.

”What's wrong, bud?” Chloe asked, looking into his eyes. They were crystal blue, but not as bright as Chloe’s.

”She looks like Mama”

“C’mon BJ, time for school” Chloe shouted up the stairs and walked into the kitchen where Aubrey was currently fixing waffles. The women had formed a very strong connection in the years after their soulmates’ deaths. They weren’t together in a romantic sense, but they lived together, and to someone from the outside, it would seem as though they were married.

”Yeah, yeah, I’m coming” The moody 15 year old shouted back. Chloe just chuckled to herself. The girl had grown to look and act just like Beca as the years went by. After several minutes, the teen came moping down the stairs.

”Grab a waffle and go, you’re late,” Chloe said with a stern look. BJ nodded and started out the door. She stopped and turned around to look at the picture of her late mother again. Today was a particularly sad day for the whole family; It was Beca’s birthday. BJ smiled at the picture and whispered “I love you, Mama” before walking out the door.

”Look at my baby boy. Getting married, god, where has the time gone?” Chloe spoke to Aubrey as she dabbed at the corners of her eyes. “I just wish Beca were here to see.”

”She is, Chlo. Not in the traditional sense, but she’s here.” Chloe nodded and went back to her drink. Chloe wasn’t keeping track of time, and soon enough, Nneka was walking down the aisle. Her dress was beautiful, it hugged her every curve and accentuated her breasts perfectly.

”You may now kiss the bride” Jacob enveloped Nneka in a loving kiss. Chloe started clapping and crying even harder as she watched her only son finally start truly living, with a wife of his own.

“Mom, I think I’m gay” BJ blurted out over dinner. Chloe dropped her fork but quickly recovered.

”Me too, ‘s no big deal. I’m glad you told me, honey. That’s a hard thing to do” Chloe smiled at the brunette girl.

”I don’t even know why I was scared to tell you” Chloe shrugged along with BJ “Hold on, backtrack. I thought you were pansexual?”

“I thought I was, but I’m not capable of loving anyone but your mother. If that makes me gay, so be it” Chloe explained without making eye contact. BJ knew this was a hard topic for her. Even after 16 years she still couldn’t love anyone else. No one compared to Beca. BJ placed a loving hand on her mother’s knee.

”You are just like her. I know I tell you this a lot, but you are an exact copy of Beca Mitchell. From the dark clothes, to the snippy attitude, to these ear monstrosities here-“ Chloe flicked BJ’s ear spike and she laughed at the memories of Aubrey and Beca in college, “-you are just like her. I just wish you knew her.”

BJ grinned at her mother and nodded. “I’ve seen so many pictures and videos it feels like I really do know her. I wish I could’ve met her” Chloe nodded and smiled at her daughter.

“I got in!” BJ shouted over the phone.

”Of course you did, you’re a legacy!” Chloe’s smile could be heard through the phone as her daughter did a small dance on the other line.

”You’ve come so far, I’m so proud of you”

“Oh god, first I had to give away my son, now I’ve gotta give away my daughter, too” Chloe whispered to herself as the bride, Nessa, began to walk down the aisle. BJ was standing in an all-white tux with a single rose in her pocket. Nessa had a flair of red across her collarbone. They were both so beautiful.

”I do,” BJ said, and she didn’t even need for him to say the words, she was already kissing her wife. The two 27 year olds got lost in the moment before coming back to reality and sheepishly smiling at their mothers.

The music was comprised of only Beca’s playlists, which in its self made Chloe cry. BJ climbed onto the stage “There’s a certain song I wanted to sing tonight. It goes all the way back to 2012 at Barden University. That was when my Mom fell in love with my Mama. This song is dedicated to my amazing Moms.”

The beginning notes of Titanium began to play on the stage, and Chloe instantly started sobbing. Aubrey placed a loving hand in the small of Chloe’s back. She sang along quietly and thought of Beca. All the bumps along the road, the messy parts of life were worth it, because she made the good part so much better. She was Chloe’s sunshine, even with her dark fashion choice.

”I love you Moms. I always will. Even when we’re not together, you’re a part of me, and It’ll always be there.” BJ smiled at the sky, then at Chloe when the song ended.

”Aubrey, do you ever regret this?” A weary, 68 year old Chloe asked. Aubrey looked confused. “I mean, do you regret not getting remarried?”

”Not at all. After Jaymes died, I realized I couldn’t love anyone else. I loved him so much I could barely breathe without him, so I knew no one could love me enough and have me return those feelings.” Aubrey replied with a shake to her voice.

”Me neither. I’m glad you’re here with me. I couldn’t have done it without you. Now my babies are all grown up and I’m missing Beca even more. I know I’ll see her soon, though.” Chloe smiled to herself at the thought of her wife.

”Don’t say that, Chlo. You still have a lot of life left to live. Don’t give up on me now” Aubrey chastised the red and white haired woman.

“I’m not giving up Bree, I promise”

Chloe didn’t stay true to her word. In the years following, she was waiting to leave so she could be with Beca. She wasn’t trying to die, but she was ready to go be with her loving wife again.

”Chloe, you have to go to the doctor.” Aubrey said as Chloe was taken over by another coughing spell. The coughing lasted several minutes and was accompanied by a sharp pain in the ribs.

”I’m fine”

”Chloe, you’re going to the doctor, now” Aubrey commanded and dragged Chloe to the door.

”I’m really fine, I promise.” Chloe was very obviously lying.

”No, you’re really not” Aubrey felt a tear run down her cheek as she watched the frail woman get into the car

“You have Mesothelioma, stage 4” The doctor gravely stated. Aubrey gasped.

”Stage 4? I-I don’t” Aubrey stuttered.

”It’s okay Bree. I was afraid this would happen. I let it go on too long.” Chloe silently cried into Aubrey’s shoulder.

”You have the option to undergo chemotherapy, but otherwise there’s nothing we can do. It’s already spread too far, we can’t remove it” The doctor had a sympathetic look on his face.

”Just let me go. Let me go in peace. Chemotherapy won’t do me any good.” Chloe wiped away Aubrey’s tears.

”I have been with you for 50 years, I’m not leaving you that easy, Chlo.” Aubrey determinedly stated.

”Bree, I’m dying already. Be grateful for the life we have while we still have it. I want to go home.”

Chloe’s last days were spent in pain. The cancer was spreading even further into her lungs. It was getting harder and harder to keep going. It had been 6 months since the diagnosis, and Chloe didn’t know how long she had left. She really didn’t want to know. As Chloe settled into bed, Aubrey began her nightly routine with Chloe.

”Goodnight Chloe. I love you so much. More than you can even imagine. I’ll see you later.” Aubrey leaned down and kissed her forehead.

Chloe dreamt of Beca and the Bellas. She remembered every touch, every kiss, every moment. She dreamt of meeting all the Bellas, of ICCAs, of every date they ever went on. She remembered it all.

...

”Hi, any interest in joining our a Capella group?” The bubbly read-head asked the sulking brunette.

”Oh, right, this is like a thing now” Aubrey was not amused by the girl’s tone, but Chloe was undeterred. She saw the potential in the mysterious woman.

...

”I’ve got more important things to do!” Beca shouted to no one in particular.

”What could be more important than this?” Chloe asked, bewildered.

”Nothing, forget it” Beca threw her hands up and turned around.

”No, you don’t think that we haven’t all realized you’ve been a little checked out lately?” Chloe borderline shouted at Beca.

”C'mon, Beca, just tell her.” Amy chimed in, to Beca’s dismay.

”I heard that, tell me what?” Chloe demanded.

”Oh, you misunderstood me, I clearly said rumpumpecker, ushmeller” Amy clarified, but Chloe didn’t pay attention.

“Listen, I don’t want you guys to fight. You’re Beca and Chloe. Together you’re Bhloe, and everyone loves a good bhloe.” Amy said, the girls ignoring her attempt at a joke.

“Okay, I have been interning at a recording studio, and a legit music producer wants to hear my work, God forbid I have something going on outside this group.” Beca broke down and told her.

”Okay, so why would you keep something like that from us-“ Chloe was cut off by a fuming Beca.

”’Cause you’re obsessed! You all are! We’re graduating and the only person thinking about life after the Bellas is me.” Beca looked at all the girls that were listening intently.

”What is so wrong with being focused on the Bellas? This has been my family for seven years.” Chloe retorted with a bite to her tone.

”Yeah cause you’re too scared to leave! Sack up, dude!” Beca shouted which earned a “Girl fight” from Cynthia Rose.

”Okay so you’ve been lying to us this whole year, and now you’re just gonna flake out? Now you’re just gonna flake out when the worlds is like right after graduation?” Chloe’s voice was straining to speak loud enough without crying.

”Oh my god! Enough about the worlds, I can’t- I am out of here.” Beca turned around to leave, heading straight for the bear trap.

”Oh okay, you’re just gonna leave now? You’re just-“ Chloe was cut off by Beca turning around and shouting.

”We all have to eventually Chloe. Might as well be now.” Beca turned back around and kept walking.

”Beca, the sign!” Emily shouted as Beca was taken into the air by a huge net.

”What the hell!” Beca screeched

...

“Hey guys,” Chloe said, waking in the door and taking off her coat.

”Why aren’t you guys ready?” Chloe questioned, seeing the casual attire the girls were dressed in.

”Why are you wearing that?!” Beca questioned with an accusing tone.

”What-“ Chloe started but was soon cut off by Beca.

”Did you wear that to work?!” Beca screeched, pointing a finger at her original Bellas uniform.

“Yeah, underneath my scrubs,” Chloe said, confidently smoothing out the wrinkles in her blazer.

”Oh, sweetie why?” Beca questioned, her mouth twisted into a confused grimace

“Because it reminds me I was special once,” Chloe said with a sad grin. ”and, you know, the Bellas reunion at the Brooklyn Aquarium”

”That’s tonight?!”

...

“What’s up, pitches!” Amy shouted as she spotted the other Bellas.

”I can’t wait for us to sing together,” Chloe said to the girls as she gave them all hugs.

”Hey Bellas!” Emily said as she walked up with the rest of the new Bellas

”What do you want us to sing tonight?” Chloe started rambling off song names.

”I brought this just in case” Chloe pulled a blue cup out of her bag to which Beca smacked it ferociously out of her hand. Emily watched it clatter to the ground

...

“Will you marry me?” Beca asked from her position on one knee. Chloe was speechless for what seemed like an eternity.

”Beca oh my God, yes!” Chloe squealed and pulled her into a kiss. She slipped the ring onto Chloe’s finger.

”I can’t believe this, Beca. I love you. So much.” Chloe cried as she spoke, still wrapped in Beca’s arms. It was a simple night, just a dinner at home with rose petals everywhere and fancy wine. It wasn’t much but it was perfect. It was home.

...

The wedding was gorgeous. It was on a beach, with red and white thrown around in a messy yet precise manner. Beca’s outfit consisted of a black blazer with a red lining, her bow tie was black and she had a pair of black and red heels on. Chloe had on a knee length dress, the sleeves see through with a floral pattern on them. Aubrey had agreed to be the officiant, so they were completely surrounded by all of their closest friends and family.

“Please be seated. First, I’d like to begin by welcoming everyone and thanking each and every one of you for being here on this most happy of days. It’s no accident that each of you are here today, and each of you were invited to be here because you represent someone important in the individual and collective lives of Beca Mitchell and Chloe Beale.

“I truly can’t think of a better venue than this beautiful beach for an occasion that I know is not only monumental for the wedded-couple-to-be, but for all of us who are lucky to know and love them as individuals; but even more so as a perfect pairing.

“The most remarkable moment in life is when you meet the person who makes you feel complete. The person who makes the world a beautiful and magical place. The person with whom you share a bond so special that it transcends normal relationships and becomes something so pure and so wonderful, that you can’t imagine spending another day of your life without them. For Chloe, that happened about 9 years ago when she met me and we became best friends. I made it hard on her, of course, being the aca-nazi I am- yes I heard you call me that- I’m looking at you, Amy. But about 6 years ago she met Beca, who is pretty wonderful, too. I didn’t think so in the beginning, but she has indeed grown on me. I know how deeply these two care for and love one another, and I feel privileged to be here today among all of you as a witness of their commitment to a lifetime of love for one another.

“I think I’ve had the good fortune to meet most of you here today at some point or another, but for those of you whom I haven’t met, my name is Aubrey Posen, and I went to Barden University with both of these lovely ladies here.

“Now, Beca and Chloe have asked that I keep this speech short, classy, and family-friendly, and politely asked me to leave out stories that are unflattering to either of them. So I’ve had to redline stories about previous flings...drugs or alcohol...encounters with the police...but I do feel comfortable saying, “I told you so.” Which is exactly what I said when I learned that their relationship was becoming truly serious.

“As a third-party spectator to their developing love, it was extremely clear that the two of them represent a perfect pairing because each of them complements the other so well. They balance one another, and while each of them are tremendous individuals on their own, together they are even better. And being better together, as a team, a unit, and partners in crime, is what has been many years in the making and ultimately leads us to being here today, witnessing their commitment to one another in front of those they love most.

“I wish I could tell you a single story about Beca and Chloe that summarizes their relationship and how they enrich each other’s lives, and the lives of each of us, but the truth is there isn’t one single event that is a good encapsulation of what they mean to me, to each other, and to all of us. But what I do know is that both of them care deeply and passionately for each other; they protect each other; they make each other laugh and think outside themselves; that time magically seems to both fly and slow down when they’re together. They help each other in ways that are obvious and unnoticed, but always appreciated.

“I also know that it’s not just anyone with whom you can have communication with simply a look, or remember the weirdest names of each other’s Über drivers, or surprise each other with reservations at a restaurant you’ve been eyeing for years, or say “I’m sorry” every time it’s warranted ...eventually. They do that for and with each other.

“But it’s also my personal experiences with Beca and Chloe that highlight the quality of their love. It doesn’t matter if I’m with them in person, or simply in a bizarre group text with them and the Bellas—when I’m engaging with Beca and Chloe, I am always enjoying myself. And I am certain that that’s part of what makes them so special to each of us: how happy and contented we feel when we are with them. And what I wish for them on their wedding day is that their lifetime together as a team is one of complete contentment; full of those moments that they wish would never end, and that they continue to make one another smile and laugh as they make each of us do.

“So, without further ado… Dearly beloved and honored guests, we are gathered together here to join Beca Mitchell and Chloe Beale in the union of marriage. This contract is not to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and seriously, and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities. The brides have each prepared vows that they will read now.“

Beca took a deep breath and steadied herself. “Chloe, you were my reason back then, my reason now, my reason every day. You strengthen my weaknesses, bring focus to my dreams. You are why I am living. Without you, I’d survive, but that is all I would be capable of. I wouldn’t be me without you. Here and now I pledge my life to yours, that your dreams become my dreams. No matter where life leads me, I know that as long as you are there, that is where I am meant to be.”

Chloe was crying by the time she had to say her vows. She didn’t even try to wipe them away. “Beca, you have been my best friend, mentor, playmate, confidant, and my greatest challenge. But most importantly, you are the love of my life and you make me happier than I could ever imagine and more loved than I ever thought possible. You have made me a better person, as our love for one another is reflected in the way I live my life. So I am truly blessed to be a part of your life, which as of today becomes our life together.”

Beca had tears streaming down her face by the time Chloe finished. She was so ready for this wonderful life they would make together. Aubrey cleared her throat.

“And now... Beca Mitchell, do you take Chloe Beale to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto her forevermore?“

“I do.”

“And Chloe Beale do you take Beca Mitchell to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto her forevermore?“

“I do.”

“Beca and Chloe will now exchange rings as a symbol of love and commitment to each other. Rings are a precious metal; they are also made precious by you wearing them. Your wedding rings are special; they enhance who you are. They mark the beginning of your long journey together. Your wedding ring is a circle—a symbol of love never ending. It is the seal of the vows you have just taken to love each other without end. Beca, please place the ring on Chloe’s left hand and repeat after me:

“As a sign of my love, that I have chosen you above all else, with this ring, I thee wed.”

Beca repeated at all the right times, allowing herself to cry freely.

“And Chloe, please place the ring on Beca’s left hand and repeat after me:

“As a sign of my love that I have chosen you above all else, with this ring, I thee wed.“

Chloe said as she was told.

”To make your relationship work will take love. Continue to date each other. Take time to show each other that your love and marriage grows stronger with time. It will take trust to know that in your hearts, you truly want what is best for each other. It will take dedication to stay open to one another—and to learn and grow together. It will take loyalty to go forward together, without knowing exactly what the future brings. And it will take commitment to hold true to the journey you have both pledged today.

“Now by the power vested in me by the state of California, it is my honor and delight to declare you married. Go forth and live each day to the fullest. You may seal this declaration with a kiss.“

Beca pulled Chloe into a passionate kiss, blocking out all other senses other than the feeling of Mrs. Beale-Mitchell’s lips against her own. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

...

”I’m pregnant” Chloe blurted out one day while on a picnic with Beca. Beca whipped her head around to face her and met the glistening eyes of the love of her life.

”It worked?!” Beca exclaimed and pulled Chloe into a huge hug. Chloe had insisted on carrying the baby. She wanted to carry all of them. She always wanted to be a mother. Beca ran over to the edge of the cliff and took in a deep breath.

”I’m gonna be a daddy!” Beca shouted at the top of her lungs into the air. The city was below, the lights glinting off of windows of buildings. Chloe chuckled at Beca’s antics.

”You’re gonna be the best daddy ever.” Chloe told Beca confidently and she grinned.

”I can’t believe this, baby. We’re gonna have a kid. I’m so happy.” Beca peppered Chloe’s face with kisses and they stayed in each other's arms for as long as possible before they had to go back home

...

“You got this baby, just push. He’s almost here. You’re doing amazing, honey” Beca said in a gentle voice. Her wife wasn’t being so gentle on her hand, but she felt the need to soothe her. The cries of a newborn baby boy were like music to her ears.

”He looks just like you, Chloe.” Beca looked at the boy and smiled. He was just like a mini Chloe.

”What’re you gonna name him?” Sheila called from the corner of the room. She and Beca had become closer since college. She had no ill will towards her or Warren.

”Jacob Warren Beale-Mitchell,” Chloe said and looked at Beca’s father with a smile. He sputtered and smiled even wider at the name choice.

”My Jakey” Beca cooed at the baby

...

”Becs, guess what?” Chloe said one day at dinner.

”I’m pregnant” Beca’s fork stopped between her mouth and the plate.

”R-really? It worked again?” Beca asked with a smile.

”Yeah, it did. We’re gonna have another baby”

...

”Chloe, I’m gonna take Jake to work today, he wants to watch me work and meet my clients” Beca said as she grabbed an apple from the counter.

”Alright honey, be careful driving.” Chloe kissed Beca chastely before pulling away and resting her forehead against Beca’s. Beca placed her hands on Chloe’s pregnant belly and kissed it. “Bye baby girl” Beca whispered to the growing baby in her wife’s abdomen.

”I always am. I love you.”

“Love you too, babe”

"Alright kiddo, let’s blow this popsicle stand” Jacob laughed at his mother, a boisterous, carefree sound.

”Love you Jacob,” Chloe said and kissed his cheek.

”Love you too, Mom,” He said and hugged her goodbye.

...

Chloe’s life had been filled with hardships, but she also had love, companionship, and a wonderful group of ladies that were there for her always.

Chloe passed away in her sleep that evening. The last thing she saw before the world faded to black was a vivid mental image of her wife smiling back at her.

“Welcome home, Chloe.”

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longinglook · 5 years ago

Text

I’m going to be gone for most of the day so I thought that the best way to use up my last 10 minutes before leaving would be to write a multi paragraph post on what I think about Fighter’s behavior so here we go

(under a read more because this could get very very long)

so. fighter. our confused messy boy we are just starting to understand

i’ve read a lot of tweets/posts/comments of people that don’t understand his behavior or think that his storyline doesn’t make sense which has always left me a bit perplexed because to me everything he does seems justified and coherent to where his mind is at the moment so i’ll try to explain

but first, something about me kfmslkcls

i identify as lesbian but i have struggled with compulsive heterosexuality all my life, i’ve spent years identifying as bi because the scary part for me was not admitting that i liked girls but admitting that i did not like boys past the occasional crushes on fictional boys and let me tell you: a lot of what fighter does/the way he thinks reminds me so much of how i was and here’s a list of things:

1) he seems a lot more at ease with same sex friends, the only times we see him with hwa you can tell that he’s forcing himself to act a certain way, he knows he’s supposed to do boyfriend things like taking her on dates and kissing but he is not comfortable with it, he tries and fails at it. of course part of the reason is because of his father but not only does he seem uniterested in her, there’s always a sense of uneasiness when he’s with her, like he’s scared of actually having to kiss her. he’s fine with the relationship as long as it’s just texting and hanging out (like a friendship would be) but he seems not to want it to become phisical. since he’s a very confused boy he’s probably blaming all of this on his father forcing him into the relationship, instead of knowing right away that he’s not interested in her

2) thinking whatever he has with tutor is just friendship and teasing: i feel like this is such a common experience for most lgbt+ folks, thinking you just have a deep friendship with someone of the same sex, only to later realize it was actually a crush and you had no idea. ex. liking the casual cuddling and touches and looking for more, paying close attention to all the displays of affection, wanting to always be close and being a little jealous of everyone else that they interact with. I feel like a lot of people go through this thinking it’s just a friendship, especially if it’s with someone of the same sex because they are not even considering the option of it being a crush. that’s why fighter keeps saying that they’re only friends and he’s behaving like a close friend would, he just doesn’t let himself consider the option because it would be way too scary and that leads us to point #3

3) being too scared to say what he wants: he does this A LOT. instead of asking for something, which would mean saying it out loud and admitting it, he just acts. words can be so scary (again making this about me, i have id’d as lesbian for over 2 years now and ive come out to a lot of friends but ive never said the word lesbian out loud because it’s just terrifying to me), and fighter seems to only use them after he has acted to justify whatever dumb shit he has done with an excuse. saying something like “i kissed you because i wanted to” would mean admitting he wants to kiss another man (meaning he’s not straight) and that man is fighter (meaning he has feelings for him). it’s much easier for him to go with the flow and do first, explain later. and by explaining i mean lying, even to himself because deep down he knows, of couse he knows what’s going on but acknowledging it would have serious implications on his life.

also the way he reacts to tutor asking him if he likes boys is a big indicator of what's going on with him, it's his way of answering, not his way of avoiding the question. he can't say it out loud so he shows it but then he's scared of the consequences and no homos it. and the choice of replaying the question scene while they're making out shows us that fight is tormented by it, he's scared of other people asking him that as well, now that tutor has noticed it more people could as well and that's why he pulls away.

4) on a similar note, teasing until tutor does something/not wanting to be the one to start it: this is pure fighter behavior, hoping tutor will be the one to start it so he doesn’t have to. i called this gay chicken last week, it’s fighter making everything into a challenge so he can blame it on tutor and say that he was just reacting. we can see how desperate he is for tutor’s attention, how happy he is when he has it and how frustrated he is when he doesn’t. he’s like a child who wants people to pay attention to him but doesn’t know how to ask for it, so they start annoying people. fight knows very well that he could just say hey tutor i’m here, please talk to me but how could he give a realistic reason for it other than because i have a massive crush on you meaning i’m not straight. he knows tutor doesn’t back down from a challenge and he riles him up because he has learned what that will lead them to. it’s like he knows there’s an easier way to get to that, but it’s scary so he just keeps going with his soundproof tesing tacting which so far has worked every time. also in general reacting is a lot easier than acting, again a personal example: if someone asks me if i like girls I’ll say yes right away, but if i have to start the conversation i won’t. (one thing i do a lot is to be like “hey i have something to tell you about myself but you have to guess it”)

5) backtracking/giving mixed signals: again he’s terrified, he knows what he wants but he knows what /wanting it/ implies. sometimes he follows his heart, but then his brain comes back to tell him that, hey, you’re kissing another dude and you’re enjoying it and of course he freaks out and leaves. i would be way more annoyed with him if the show had been portraying tutor as pining and in love, meaning that fighter has been giving him false-ish hopes, but after ep.6 we see that tutor himself still hasn’t admitted to himself that he likes fighter (in bold because i feel like this part is very important and often overlooked) so they are both confused about their feelings.

i don’t think they are actually confused, they know but they are scared which in my opinion is very realistic of how someone behaves when they thought they were straight and they are not. It’s not about being dumb or being slow, it’s about realizing that once you take that step and acknowledge you’re not straight your life changes. idk how many of you are actually not straight (i assume most just because tumblr) but like…… coming out is so stressful being straight is just so much easier you dont have to do shit i wish that were me

6) his father: i feel like we only grazed the surface of fighter’s daddy issues, but he seems to be a very controlling and inflexible man, meaning that he probably wouldn’t be thrilled at the idea of his son dating another man. we don’t know about fight’s past, and maybe he has already had crushes on men and had to repress them. fighter seems to be used to a pretty luxurious lifestyle, he can’t just fuck off and go against his father because he would lose his support.

so it’s not just admitting things to himself, which can be insanely hard on its own especially if you were brought up in a traditional family, it’s also having to deal with the reactions from everyone around you

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT NEW THINGS TO ADD TO THIS POST SORRY anyway i think fighter has already shown multiple times that he does care for tor, it's just in a very shy and lowkey way because he's scared of giving himself away but he does indeed worry about tor (ex. he notices tor is stressed about his test, he tries to help outat his part time job). it also seems that in times of urgency he's more explicit about ex. offering to pay off his debt when tor was being threatened or saying he's his boyfriend when the gross cafe dude was hitting on him

also can we talk about how heartbreaking and soft fighter can be when he lets down his guard and shows his emotional side ex. telling tor nobody has ever taken care of him like that or the way he looks every time tutor pulls away first... this poor boy is touch starved and he craves affection but he can't ask for it yet. he's going to be a real gem once he can be honest with his feelings

for future episodes i think that tutor and fighter are well on their way to realizing their feelings for each other and there's going to be some development soon, but i dont expect fighter to come out to anyone else in the next few episodes because there's a lot of work to be done still. i just hope they dont pull the /i dont like boys i just like you/ trope because i WILL drop this show. so. fast. please don't ruin this character please let him accept his attraction to men fully

in conclusion. i dont blame fighter for anything he has done so far, he’s scared shitless but knows what’s going on, i trust he will soon be brave enough to start being honest with himself and with tutor

man this did NOT take 10 minutes to write and i dont have time to proofread

#fightertutor #zee pruk #why r u #why r u the series #why r u?#why ru the series #why ru #fighter #text #meta

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katcadecascade · 5 years ago

Text

New Qrow fic WIP

It’s a bit of a character study but mostly RWBY/JNOR/more doing shenanigans.

The only problem, I can’t think of a name for this fic.

Anyway here, Chapter One/Round One: Throwing Down the Gauntlet

Blake will admit, she’s a sucker for romance.

How could she not be?

In a world where morbid emotions attract monsters, where injustice breeds from hatred of culture and birth traits, something as simple and layered as love is beautiful and strong and can power people through their darkest moments but also bring them to their knees.

She should say she just learned this all from her books but honestly in the last year or so, Blake has certainly lived through some crazy shit.

But let’s not get into that right now.

Sure her tale begins with her people’s suffering, her parent’s pacifism, a poor boy’s spite, and her own frightful shadows. She could go write to great lengths on how the journey gained her treasured friends, bonds forged through fire, and how it lead them to the coldest place of the north.

That’s where this game begins.

Yes a game indeed or maybe a war by the sharpness in the Valkyrie’s eyes or the telltale song notes of glyphs charging up.

It began with a series of events that piqued the interest of the eight (and later on more) charges under the wings of Qrow Branwen.

The first thing they noticed took place on their very first night in Atlas, where one General James Ironwood hugged the scythe master. The two thought they were alone but the nieces back tracked to get their uncle.

While they made the wise decision to leave the men alone, the girls immediately blurted their findings to the rest of their friends.

Their reactions were of surprise and cooing but it only trigger their radars to look out for more of these moments. None of them could recall ever seeing Qrow be so vulnerable with anyone else. Granted they didn’t spend the most time with him but even Yang and Ruby were caught off guard.

This was their uncle so ultimately this was under Yang’s and Ruby’s discretion or wonderment.

That didn’t stop the rest of them from being curious to see what else will happen between Qrow and Ironwood.

Small and subtle were the ways of the General, lingering eyes or the quietly inviting the huntsman into his office. Ruby’s sniper skills were used for observations like these. Her skills in stealth could’ve been better to muffle her cooing.

Things were going steady, slowly seeing the man underneath the steel. Maybe then the kids could decide to trust him with the truth from the Lamp. Not that Qrow’s compromised in anyway, but seeing this spark between them certainly helps the kids trust the general a little bit more.

James Ironwood appeared to be able to offer up his heart to Qrow.

So imagine their surprise when Clover Ebi entered the game.

There’s that word again: game.

It’s a little immature to describe it as so but Blake couldn’t think of any other word.

Blake and the others keep noticing certain events focused on Qrow, usually engaged by one man or the other.

Small side glances, a brushing of hands, coffee treats and many more that can be listed as intimate or thoughtful or purposeful. Although, Clover’s flirting are rather forward. Most importantly, Qrow’s happiness is the growing outcome.

And pray tell what game is this? Where two men woo a common thread that is slowly becoming enamored by these actions?

A courting game.

Hands slam down on the kitchen table. “Everyone, place your bets!”

“We are so not betting on this!” Weiss crossed her arms, perfectly poised and unmoved.

“Come on,” Nora whined, “There’s nothing else to do here.”

“Aside from doing our jobs and brainstorming how to save the world?”

“All I’m saying is that we need a break from all the seriousness and focus on Team Dad.”

On the couches, only Blake noticed the resident nieces share a glance. They don’t argue against their uncle’s title, instead they quirk their lips in a knowing look.

(Blake later understands their silent exchanges when a game changer occurs)

“Nora’s right,” Jaune agreed, “and I usually never want to say that.”

“Hey!”

“You’re the one who broke the coffee machine by trying to fix it,” Oscar pointed out. Behind him said device has a despairing groan.

Ruby follows up, “And then got the rest of us blaming each other for it.”

“Enough, enough,” the redhead shouted, “We’re getting off track!”

“We are not conspiring on Qrow’s love life!” Weiss proclaimed.

“She’s right,” Ren said with the composure of a sage, highlighted as he sipped his tea, “There’s no need to.”

Yang raised an eyebrow, both curious and surprised, “What do you mean?”

Everyone waited for their resident ninja to finish another long drink, for dramatic effect Blake must note.

Then simply enough, he answers, “Qrow would fall for the General.”

That was clearly not the answer Nora wanted.

She’s a sputtering mess while next to her, Weiss holds her head high.

“Thank you, someone else sees my point,” the ex-heiress nods.

Sharpness in Jaune’s voice catches her off guard, “Your point? You think Ironwood’s gonna get with Qrow?”

“Is it not obvious?”

Nora butts in, a strange tension in her shoulders, “Sure yeah but look at Clover!”

Her team leader listed off, “They’re mission partners but also hanging around each off in their downtime.”

“Yes,” Nora nods enthusiastically, “Just like Jaune with Marrow.”

“H-hey wait-“

“You haven’t seen Qrow with James alone though.”

Again, everyone is quiet as they stare down their resident cute wizard boy.

Oscar squirms a little under the attention, backtracking, “Oh, um, I only mean um I would see them right before James tutors me? And Qrow would sometimes be there too and,” he sighs heavily, “honestly it’s like my aunt’s romance novels.”

Blake immediately guesses the classic tropes of longing, quiet vulnerability, trust and intimacy. She doesn’t voice her thoughts. No need since Weiss happily regales her own findings.

“Winter says that she’s never seen Ironwood so relaxed before. Sure she’s a little teed that it was Qrow’s doing but the results are still good.”

“But what about Qrow’s ‘results’ when he’s with Clover,” Nora argued.

Ruby does her little head shake, musing over her thoughts, “He is a lot calmer or relaxed.”

Nora cackles at the fuming Weiss, affronted at her girlfriend not on her side.

That’s rectified as Ruby taps her chin, scholarly and not noticing Weiss’ heat, “Although he is a lot more teasing around Ironwood.”

“See!” Weiss grins as if this is victory. Her current rival is unbothered.

“He’s the same with Clover,” Nora counters and honestly Weiss can’t possibly argue with that.

Too many times have the kids witness Qrow becoming a bumbling, blushing mess when Clover compliments him. There’s so much bi/gay tension there to even think of denying.

“Qrow must be taking his time then,” Blake voiced. “With both Ironwood and Clover, maybe he’s a bit overwhelmed.”

Next to her, Yang sighs, “Knowing him, he might not realize what’s going on unless someone tells him.”

“Or he’s aware of all of this happening and dismisses it as something that can’t actually happen to him,” Jaune painfully accurately describes as what is probably going on.

This type of denial of happiness, this consuming pit of numbness and pain, people who loved and lost and felt guilty for even loving and losing need to be told they’re deserving of love.

Maybe Jaune’s speaking for himself or maybe Blake’s interpreting for her own experiences.

But one shared glance with the knight confirms her thoughts. Qrow must have talked to him too about this type of grief.

The blame and the guilt and the responsibility of losing someone, be it person of goodness or of spite, it’s a heavy feeling that Blake, Jaune, Qrow and possible the others too have carry.

So while the huntsman tries to assure the two kids of their grievances, there hasn’t been an opportune time to ask how he’s coping. As the young adults under his care, they all worry about him, especially his nieces. At first he was the mysteriously cool uncle as proclaimed by Ruby and later on the secretive and paranoid uncle explained by Yang but in their shared time together, each kid gotten to know the crow by their own definitions.

It’s like that little thing Blake does, associate a word with a person.

She told Sun about her girls, Earnest, Defiance, and Strength.

Then there’s team JNPR, Tenacity for Jaune, Zestful for Nora, Ascendancy for Pyrrha and Acuity for Ren. It took some time but eventually Oscar became Perseverance.

As for Qrow, well, she jokingly thought Mother Hen but now she’s satisfied to call him Memory.

It’s mostly because of all the Muninn parallels but there is just so much history behind Qrow Branwen. Carried in the creak in his bones, dips in his scars, the grey of his feathery hair, the surprise in his laughs, like he’s relearning how it is to walk with ghosts and angels.

So yeah, Blake sometimes worries about him and then she and Weiss worry about Ruby and Yang getting worried too.

But maybe there’s no need to.

From the soft gazes he sets on James and Clover, maybe they’re the ones making sure their Team Dad/Uncle is doing okay.

Now if only Qrow’s love life can move to the next stage.

Their conversation during breakfast was more than enough as food for thought, analyzing everything they know of Qrow Branwen and how he interacts with two men in particular.

Early mission meetings are obviously designated Clover Flirting Time as they get to their seats.

“I wouldn’t mind having another match with you,” Clover said casually as if it didn’t take weeks of near begging for a one on one fight.

“Really? You enjoy falling on your ass that much, lucky charm?”

“Sure do,” Clover slides close, letting his hip press against Qrow’s. “But I like seeing you down on the mats just as much.”

That flirt was meant to be whispered, low and teasing and it definitely sends a blush down Qrow’s neck. It’s a real shame that Blake has an extra set of ears to hear this.

Then from the sight of Marrow almost choking on his coffee, he probably heard it too.

The dog faunus and the cat faunus exchange silent misery.

“Ooh, another match?” Nora, being her glorious self, pops right at Qrow’s side and the two men nearly jump. “Hah, that’s a bit boring by now.”

Clover raises a brow, slightly wary and challenged, “Boring?”

Nora nods her head as Ren-like as possible, “Yep, I mean, training doesn’t have to be combat does it?”

Qrow blinks at her, and so does her teammates because hey, this is Nora complaining about combat training. “Nora, you got something else in mind?”

This encouragement, openness and trust, Blake wouldn’t have noticed it before but Qrow has been putting a lot more faith in them since Argus. It’s really nice to have an adult take them seriously. Then again this is Qrow. He encouraged Yang and Jaune to start a prank war.

Their resident lightning in a bottle had a million volt grin, “Parkour and freerunning! We all saw the Ops jumping around in the mines and that time Qrow and Winter destroyed the campus.”

“Miss Valkyrie,” hissed the ice queen, “I advise you to refrain from telling that anecdote.”

“What, feeling sore since you lost?” Qrow grinned.

“I did not lose, Qrow,” she glared, “it was clearly a stalemate.”

“Wow, now I’m really curious,” Clover said.

“I’ll tell you all about it then,” Qrow winked, “like how I clearly would’ve won.”

Next to Nora, Jaune added in, “There was a recording of it going around campus, like from the moment Qrow bushed back his bangs to the end where the General stopped the fight.”

To Blake, it’s a little odd to see Jaune gush about this since majority of them choose to ignore the usually mushiness of Clover Flirting Time. But then she notice the way Jaune subtly elbowed his teammate.

“Brush your bangs?” Clover’s focus on that little detail had him reach over to do said action, “Huh, you don’t look that intimidating like this.”

Like this, as they all observe, is Qrow blushing madly at the close contact and gentle action, the way Clover’s fingers glided through his dark hair like water.

Oblivious to the two men, everyone else in the room saw Jaune and Nora fist bump each other. They don’t even hide their smugness. No they toss it over at Weiss and Ren.

Ren is slightly alarmed.

Their resident ice princess on the other hand is silently fuming.

Like Blake mentioned before, this is a game.

It may be petty, invasive, and a tad immoral.

And yet it has begun.

So yeah, I need fic title suggestions and ideas

pls

#rwby fic #blake belladonna #qrow branwen #fair game #ironqrow #my fic

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mercurysnitch · 5 years ago

Text

Mother Mercury, Part 2: If I Could Only Reach You…

Summary: Questions about Mel’s true identity swirl amongst the main cast, but her mother’s visit to the set may bring some of the answers they’re seeking.

Author’s note: It’s back, bitches! 😂 I know this part’s taken a while, but I’ve had my massive final semester group project due, and exams, and a life, so I’ve had a bit going on lately. I’m on holidays right now, but I’m starting a work placement next week so I’m not sure when Part 3 will be done. I am home alone at the moment, so hopefully it’ll be soon, but I’m not making any promises. At this point it’s looking like it’ll be 4 parts plus an epilogue, but that might change depending on how the story develops. During this part you may notice I’m not big on slow-burn romance (or tension, frankly), but that doesn’t mean there’s not lots more plot still to come.

As I said in the previous part, this story is built around the idea that Freddie Mercury accidentally fathered a lovechild during a drug-fuelled party in the late 70s. If you’re not comfortable with that notion that’s absolutely fine, but I suggest you stop reading now. I know I said the whole lovechild situation would be explained in this part, but I’ve rearranged the plot slightly since then, so that section will be in the next part. In any case, Freddie is still very much gay in this story, it’s just that things also happened while he was under the influence which resulted in a lovechild. Remember this is fiction, and that particular element basically just needs to happen for the rest of the plot to work.

This was supposed to be written from Mel’s perspective, but it ended up going in a different direction as this part unfolded. I’m still trying to write it mostly from Mel’s point of view, but the pov character will shift when required. Hopefully it’s not too confusing - there are a lot of pov changes in this part, but there should be less from hereon in (I hope 🤣)

PS: Thanks for all the lovely messages about part 1. Feel free to send me an ask or DM any time, and don’t hesitate to ask if you want to be tagged.

Warnings: Writing about real people, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of teen pregnancy, mentions of labour, multiple perspective switches, I’ve probably missed a few typos so please forgive that

*******************************************************************************************

Rami's head was full of questions the next morning. Could Freddie really have had a secret lovechild? Could that lovechild really have grown up to be Mel's parent? It seemed almost too good to be true for Freddie's grandchild to end up working on his biopic, Rami thought uneasily. Then again, that would only be possible if he had indeed fathered a lovechild in the first place. That was the key question that needed answering, Rami realised. But how to answer it? Mel might be the best source, but he could hardly go and ask her about her family history out of the blue. And she might not know herself, depending on the circumstances. Hell, Freddie’s child might not even know the truth about their origins. No, asking Mel was definitely not an option. But if not her, then who? Who else might have answers?

Rami supposed Brian and Roger might know something, or quite possibly everything. But he didn’t think it would be appropriate for him to ask them about it. More to the point, they might not want to tell him even if they did know the full story. Perhaps direct questions wasn’t the best approach here, Rami mused. Maybe it would be better to start with Mel and work backwards. But who other than Mel would know about her family? Ben was quite clearly the closest to her, Rami realised. Might as well start with him then.

Ben was suspicious as soon as he saw Rami in makeup that morning. There was a look in his friend's eye that Ben was quite sure meant he was up to something. Exactly what that was became clear when they found themselves alone together between takes. "Uhh, Ben?" Rami began, not wanting to rush in to what could be a delicate subject. Here it comes, Ben thought. Outwardly, he smiled reassuringly. "Yeah?" "You and Mel, you're… close, right?" Rami's question mostly confused Ben. "Um, not… not really" Ben replied hesitantly. "We hang out a bit on set, but it's not really any more than that." Rami seemed surprised at Ben's response. "Really?" he questioned. "Why would I lie about that?" Ben said crossly. "I didn't say that!" Rami backtracked. "I just meant, you and Mel seemed so cosy together yesterday, I thought you must be hanging out without us" he explained. Ben glared at him suspiciously. "You've seen us together all of once, Rami." "I know" Rami replied evenly. "But Lucy agrees with me, and she's seen Mel a lot more than I have." Ben sighed. "Look, I do like her, but- wait, why are you even asking that?"

Rami smiled nervously. "I was wondering if she'd told you anything about her family, but I guess not." Ben raised an eyebrow. "I think she still lives with her mum, but that's about it. Why?" he asked suspiciously. "I did some digging in my research last night. About Freddie" Rami explained. "And?" Ben asked, not sure where his friend was going with this. "I found out something… intriguing." "Yes?" Ben urged, suddenly intrigued himself. "Turns out there used to be rumours that Freddie had a lovechild back in the day" Rami said casually. Ben was shocked. "What?" "Keep your voice down!" Rami hissed.

"Wait, what does this have to do with Mel?" Ben questioned. "I think that could be how she's related to Freddie" Rami admitted. Ben was confused. "But she wasn't even born until years after he died." Rami shook his head. "I don't mean that she's his child" he clarified. "But the rumours seemed to agree that the alleged Mercury lovechild was born in about the late 70s or very early 80s, and Mel was born in… when was she born, Ben?" Ben looked thoughtful as he racked his brains. "Well, she's 21, so she would have been born in-" Ben went quiet while he did the maths. "-1996" he finally declared. Rami smiled. "So if the lovechild was born by, say, 1981," he explained, "in 1996 that child would have been old enough to have a child themselves." Ben wasn't convinced. "They would have only been a teenager though." "Teenagers do have kids sometimes, Ben" Rami reminded him. "I guess" Ben conceded. Suddenly he realised Rami's overarching point. "So are you saying you think Mel is Freddie Mercury's granddaughter?" he gasped. Rami nodded. "But don't tell anyone. Right now there's no way of being sure he even had a lovechild, let alone a grandchild." Ben smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, I won't say anything." He paused, shaking his head. "Christ, that's massive though. If it’s true I mean." "It's huge" Rami agreed. "I only hope it's not too big to be true."

Ben found himself gripped with excitement after hearing Rami's theory about Mel's background. If Rami was right, he could have stumbled on one of the biggest secrets in Queen history, hiding in plain sight on the set of Freddie's movie. Of course he could very well be completely wrong, but even so Ben couldn't shake the feeling Mel's resemblance to Freddie was more than just a weird coincidence. Ben was itching to ask Mel about it, but at the same time he didn't want to put her off by trying to be too close too soon. No, he thought, a bit of patience would be needed here. Perhaps if he took her on a date they could get talking and… no, stop it, Ben thought to himself, she might not even like you in that way. But what if she does? suggested a small voice in his head. Ben had to admit the thought was rather intoxicating, but some more skeptical part of him refused to be convinced it was a real possibility.

Ben found himself horribly distracted by the various conflicting thoughts whirring through his head. So much so that he nearly walked into the very girl he’d been brooding over on his way to lunch. “Oh, shit, sorry Mel, didn’t see you there.” Luckily she wasn’t angry at him. “I was wondering how long you’d take to notice me waving” she laughed. “Clearly there’s something on your mind today.” Yeah, Ben thought, you. But he didn’t say it. He couldn’t. All he said was, “Yeah, been busy with lines today.” Mel seemed unconvinced, but said nothing. “Anyway,” Ben hurried on, “you headed for lunch?” “Actually, I came to tell you Brian May’s coming to set this afternoon” Mel commented. Suddenly she broke into a cheeky grin. “But I might grab some lunch too, while I’m here.” Ben smiled, internally relieved he hadn’t completely blown his chance with Mel just yet. “Might as well eat together then” he said coolly.

Lunch was spent with the rest of the band, as they’d taken to calling themselves. Even Allen and Lucy were there for a change. Joe was bouncy as ever, and all in all they were a merry bunch. But Ben felt a small knot of guilt in his stomach when he realised the others hadn’t yet heard about Rami’s new theory on Mel’s origins. Gwilym would never hold it against either of them, Ben knew, but he thought Joe was unlikely to appreciate being left out. Fortunately, Joe was soon distracted by Mel's recounting of her near-collision with Ben that morning. "Jesus, Ben, are you as blind as Roger too?" Joe quipped, when he'd finished falling about laughing. "I didn't know you were that method-"“Oh, come off it” Ben grumbled, not appreciating the joke.

Fortunately Ben was saved from further teasing by the approach of a very familiar grey-haired figure. Brian smiled as he reached the table. “Hello boys! Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to check in while you weren’t busy” he explained. "It's quite alright" Gwilym reassured him, setting off a chorus of agreeing noises from the rest of the table. Brian looked relieved. "Oh good. I must say, it's a bit odd seeing you all in costume together, it's almost like looking into some kind of time warp" he commented, looking around the table at them all. His face suddenly grew puzzled when he reached Ben. Ben was momentarily confused until he realised Mel was sitting next to him. "I'm so sorry, I completely forgot you haven't been introduced" he gabbled apologetically. "Brian, this is Mel, one of the wardrobe assistants. Mel, th-" "I know who he is" Mel cut him off, smiling shyly. "Lovely to meet you" Brian responded, shaking Mel's hand across the table. She smiled up at him as she returned the handshake, and Brian had to suppress a gasp when he finally got a good look at her face.

Somehow Brian continued with the conversation he'd been planning while internally, he was absolutely reeling. The girl in front of him bore an absolutely stunning resemblance to Freddie. Far too much for it to be a coincidence, Brian thought. But what was the connection? How could she be related to him? Unless she was… But she had to be too young, surely. Freddie's child would be nearly forty by now, but Mel looked like she was barely more than a teenager, fresh out of uni, perhaps.

Brian was shaken from his reverie by a sudden commotion at the table. Rami and Lucy were needed on set, apparently, and Mel wanted to get back to work before she ran over her allotted break time. The others had finished their lunch and decided they might as well decamp to Gwilym's trailer until they were needed for filming again later. A sudden idea popped into Brian's head as Mel left the table. "I, erm, need to go and talk to someone for a minute" he said hurriedly, standing up from the table. "I'll come and find you in the trailer later, if that's alright?" Gwilym smiled. "Of course, Brian." Brian flashed him a relieved smile before heading off after Mel.

"Mel, wait!" Brian called, hoping desperately he wouldn't attract too much attention. Mel turned around looking curious. "You want to talk to me?" she asked, surprised. Brian nodded as he caught up to her. "Yes. Has anyone ever told you you could be Freddie's spitting image?" Mel smiled. "On this set, many people" she told Brian. "But it means a lot to hear it from you" she added softly. "Ah, Mel…” Brian began, suddenly uncertain. “I don’t want to seem intrusive, but how old are you?” “21” Mel replied casually. Definitely too young to be Fred's girl, then.

Brian was suddenly desperate to find out more, to get to the bottom of the mystery, but another part of him was rather nervous. Should he even be asking someone he’d just met something like this? “Is my age important or something?” Mel asked, cutting off his hemming and hawing. That gave Brian the push he needed to forge ahead. “Mel, if you don’t my me asking, is there any chance you could be related to Freddie, do you know?" He sounded almost apologetic as he posed the question. "The similarities… it seems too much to be a coincidence” he explained.

Melina was taken aback by Brian’s forwardness, but she recovered quickly. “Uh, very probably, we're not absolutely sure." Brian wasn't quite following. "Who's not sure?" "My mum. And my grandmother, I suppose" she explained. Brian was still confused. "What's your grandmother got to do with it?" "Look, I think you'd be better off talking to my mum" Mel sighed. "Would she want to talk to me though?" Brian asked, mildly concerned. He wanted answers, but he wouldn't blame Mel's mum for not wanting to talk to a virtual stranger about something so personal. Mel herself simply shrugged. "She might. It's worth a shot. I think she should, anyway, it's… it's been long enough." Brian found the last comment rather mysterious, but he thought it best not to ask about it just then. Instead, he smiled kindly. “Alright then, when might she be available for a meet’n’greet?” Melina grinned. “She’s coming to visit me here tomorrow.”

*** The band stared after Brian in stunned silence, before bursting into excitable chatter that continued all the way to Gwilym's trailer. "What was that about?" Joe started, utterly confused. "I… don't know" Gwilym mused. Ben felt rather guilty; he had a hunch he knew what Brian was up to, but he wasn't sure if he should share Rami's theory with the others. "I, um, might have an idea" he said sheepishly. "I think he might have wanted to talk to Mel." Strangely, this seemed to make perfect sense to both Gwilym and Joe. "You think he might have thought the same thing as Rami, then?" Gwilym asked. "You know about Rami's theory?" Ben asked, only mildly surprised. "I don't" Allen piped up. There was a pause as Joe explained it to him. Suddenly Allen smirked at Ben. "So Ben fancies Freddie Mercury's granddaughter?" "Quiet!" Gwilym hissed. "We don't want the whole bloody set hearing." Meanwhile, Ben's jaw dropped. "Shit" he muttered. He'd never thought of it like that. What had he gotten himself into?

*** The next morning Mel was hard at work on some urgent mending when she heard a soft knock on the door of the wardrobe truck . “Come in” she called. “Mel, you’ve got a visitor” Joe told her softly, trying to open the door quietly. She looked around. “Mum! You’re here!” Her mother rushed over to embrace her. “Hello darling!” “I see you’ve met Joe already” Mel commented as they broke apart. “Is he the one playing Deacy?" her mother asked. Mel nearly snorted. "Who else d'you think he'd be playing?" Joe was both surprised and rather flattered. "Do I really look that much like him out of costume?" he asked uncertainly. Mel and her mum both looked at him with bemusement, but surprisingly it was the older woman who answered. "Yes” she said bluntly. “If you looked any more like him I'd be asking serious questions about your parentage." Joe laughed, and Mel's mother looked at him quizzically. "What?" "I thought the same thing the first time I saw a photo of him" Joe explained. "I like him" Mel's mother whispered to her conspiratorially. Mel just shook her head. "Alright, Mum. Now come on, I’ve got so much to show you.”

*** Brian made extra sure he and Roger were both on set that day. He had many questions, and he imagined Mel’s mother might too. They finally got an opportunity to talk over lunch. Mel came bounding over to join them in the queue for food. “Brian, Roger, this is my mum Eve” she introduced. Both men looked at Eve curiously. Her hair was chestnut brown rather than jet black, and her eyes were lighter, almost hazel, but the shape and the warmth they exuded were all Freddie. She wasn’t the precise image of their friend, her jawline was less angular for a start, but the resemblance was clear nonetheless.

Roger suddenly realised hers was a face he’d seen before. It was a long time ago, when she was much younger, but the eyes were unmistakable. “Evangeline?” he gasped. She nodded. “I can't believe you recognise me, it’s been a very long time.” Roger smiled. “Maybe too long. You were just a kid then, now here you are with a grown up daughter of your own.” “So Mel is yours” Brian said wonderingly. “But that would mean…” Eve suddenly smiled nervously. “Yeah, I was a teenager.” Roger was shocked. “You were-? That must have been hard.” Eve’s smile vanished alarmingly quickly in the wake of his statement. “I don't need your 'sympathy' ” she growled. “It wasn’t easy, but I chose to do it. I wasn’t a victim.” Roger and Brian broke into identical bemused smiles at that. “Doesn’t she sound just like Fred?” Roger murmured. “Practically identical” Brian agreed.

“Incidentally, you’ve raised a good kid” Brian commented to Eve. Mel, who'd been watching on in quiet amusement, beamed at the compliment. Eve smiled too, her anger quickly forgotten. "Thanks, Brian." "She looks like her grandad too" Roger commented. "Even more than you do, strangely." "Does she really?" Eve questioned, rather surprised. Roger smiled. “Love, your daughter looks so much like Fred she could practically be his twin. Have you really never noticed the resemblance?” "Mum always said I look a lot like my dad" Mel chimed in. “He’s Greek” Eve explained. “Olive-skinned, black hair. I always assumed she just took after his family looks-wise. He chose her name too, actually.” Brian raised an eyebrow curiously. “Now you mention it, what is her full name? We only know her as Mel.” "It's short for Melina" Mel piped up. Brian smiled wonderingly, but Roger nearly gasped. "Melina? Freddie's granddaughter's called Melina?" "Coincidence" Eve clarified. "I'd forgotten Papa's connection to that name by the time I had her." She paused, smiling slightly. "But as soon as her dad suggested it I just knew it was her name. It just suited her perfectly." Brian and Roger agreed, it definitely did.

"So what do you do with yourself these days, Eve?" Roger asked casually, hoping to ease the slight awkwardness in the air. "I'm an illustrator" she replied. "Mostly kids books, but I enjoy it." Roger couldn't help looking at Brian then, knowing they were both thinking the same thing without needing to say a word. "So you got to uni then?" Brian asked conversationally. Eve nodded. "I did. Well, to art college. Not Ealing though." "Shame" Roger murmured. "That's a fair achievement you know, getting through school and uni while raising a small child" Brian commented. "Oh, I had lots of help" Eve explained modestly. "There must have been times, though, when you felt scared or alone" Roger suggested. Eve nodded. "There were" she agreed. "But Papa was with me."

1996 Eve was troubled. Not surprising, really, considering she was facing the biggest decision of her young life. The decision itself was not actually troubling her particularly, strangely. She knew what she wanted to do, but what worried her was what people would think. Would keeping her baby really ruin her life? Was doing what she wanted really the right thing for either of them? These questions haunted her as she tried to get to sleep.

Sleep, unsurprisingly, took its time to descend that night. When it finally did, Eve had unsettled dreams, the sort where she thought she was still awake half the time. She woke more than once, jolted by restless visions. It was after one of these wakings, when she wasn't sure if she was still dreaming or wide awake, that she saw him.

He was standing at the end of her bed, all dressed in a shining white material that seemed to glow around him. He had long black hair and dark, friendly eyes. Eve didn't know who he was at first, but she felt like she'd known him forever somehow. He smiled gently as he walked around to sit on the end of her bed, and suddenly she recognised him. "Papa?" Eve gasped. "But… how? Why?" Freddie smiled mysteriously. "I heard your call, darling, so I came." Eve was confused. "What call?" she asked suspiciously. "It doesn't matter, I'm here now" Freddie said airily. "Now, tell me your troubles, darling." Eve was uncertain. "Why should I tell you?" "I could help" Freddie said evenly. Eve snorted. "I doubt that." Freddie just smiled wryly. "You won't know if you don't try, dear. Tell me everything." For some reason Eve did. Oh well, she thought, can't hurt to vent to a ghost. Freddie, who now she thought of it looked younger than she'd ever seen him in life, simply smiled and nodded as she explained just what her troubles actually were.

"You want to keep it" Freddie said, almost as soon as Eve stopped speaking. It wasn't even a question; somehow he knew what his daughter was thinking. "I do" she agreed. "But…" She took a breath. "I'm scared. What if it ruins my life like everyone says? What if I'm a terrible mum? What if I never actually get my shit together and they end up hating me for cocking everything up?" The words almost fell out of her mouth in a sort of panicked jumble. Freddie's expression softened at her obvious fear. "They won't hate you, darling, you're their mother" he reassured you. "And it won't ruin your life if you don't let it." Eve stared at him, confused. "So, I should just go ahead and assume everything'll be fine?" He shook his head. "Don't assume. Make the effort to get things to work for you. Get angry if you have to. Make sure you can still live the life you want, even with the bumps in the road." Eve was suddenly crestfallen. "But everyone says…" Freddie grinned. "Fuck what they say. Don't forget, you're not most people. Making the choice you want won't derail everything, the journey will just be… different." Hope bloomed in Eve's chest at his words. Maybe things wouldn't be as awful as everyone said. "It will be alright, darling" Freddie assured her.

It seemed as though Eve only looked away for half a second, but when she looked back he was gone. The next morning Eve woke up feeling peaceful. She was filled with resolve. She knew, now, what her decision would be, and she'd never felt more sure of anything in her life. Talking to her late Papa must have been a dream, a figment of her imagination. But how could a mere dream give her so much reassurance, so much certainty? He must have been, though. He couldn't be anything else. Surely not.

Of course, making the decision was only half the battle. There were still many people to be told. Nikos was surprisingly pleased at the prospect of teen fatherhood, though his parents were a lot less enthusiastic, much as Eve had expected. They'd never particularly liked her, and now they were sure to hate her forever for "ruining" their precious son's life. Eve's own mother wasn't exactly thrilled, but she promised to stick by her daughter regardless. And then there was Uncle Deaky and Aunt Veronica. Strangely, Eve didn't actually have to say anything to them initially.

It took one look over afternoon tea for Aunt Vee to guess what was going on. "You're not pregnant, are you?" she asked quietly, sounding as though she didn’t want to believe her own theory. Eve's eyes went wide. "How did you know?" she gaped. "I've had six children, dear, I know the signs” Aunt Veronica pointed out. She softened considerably when she realised just how frightened Eve was, despite being absolutely certain about her choice.

Uncle Deaky was also surprisingly calm when Eve finally told him about her situation, and what she’d decided. He almost immediately pulled her into a hug when he realised she was about to cry. “It’s alright, love, I’m not cross at you” he reassured her. Eve was surprised. “You’re not?” Uncle Deaky smiled. “No. I mean, I’m not jumping for joy, but it’s not the end of the world either.” Eve smiled. “Besides,” he added softly, “I was in your shoes once. Well, we weren’t exactly teenagers, but that doesn’t mean we weren’t scared when we found out Robert was on his way.” “You were scared?” Eve asked, incredulous. “Of course.” Deaky smiled. “Knowing it’s what you want doesn’t mean it's not also terrifying.” Eve found that statement oddly reassuring. And she was very glad when Uncle Deaky reassured her he and Veronica would support her every step of the way. Though when she thought about it, she wasn’t that surprised at this reaction.

Over the following months Eve sometimes felt the oddest sensation while she was alone. It was as if someone was standing near her, someone she couldn't see. She wondered whether it was her papa looking out for her. She found the thought rather comforting, really. But she was never more grateful for it than the day her daughter was born.

Eve had been home alone when she'd first realised she was going into labour, more than a week early, and she didn't think she'd ever been so scared in her life. She couldn't reach her mum, or Auntie Vee, who'd promised to stay with her at the hospital, and she knew calling Nikos wouldn't help, even if she was having his bloody child. She couldn't even get an answer at the Deacon house. Presumably they were all out enjoying the summer holidays somewhere. Eve was starting to feel very scared and very alone when Jim suddenly turned up at her door.

She wasn't expecting him, but his presence was very much welcome. He'd been visiting her in London as much as he could while she was pregnant. She'd expected him to be angry when she broke the big news, all those months ago, but Jim was only mildly shocked. "You're hardly the first person to be a teenage parent, love" he told her. "You're not the first I've known, either. Doesn't mean I'm happy about this, but you're still my Evie. I'll always be here for you, you know." And he'd proved it that fateful day.

"You have no idea how glad I am you're here" Eve quipped as she let Jim into Garden Lodge. "You know, I wasn't even planning to come today, but I had more spare time than I expected" he mused. Suddenly Eve groaned, and he turned around in alarm. "You alright, love?" "I'm in labour" she griped. "You're just in time to take me to the hospital." Eve relaxed as the pain passed. "Honestly, you couldn't have come at a better time" she said happily. Jim smiled gently. "Well then, Freddie must have sent me for you."

Jim sat with Eve at the hospital for a while, although he absolutely would not countenance staying for the main event. Both Nikos and Veronica had already agreed to be present to support her through that part, but they were taking their sweet time getting to the hospital. Jim agreed to stay for the time being, but eventually he needed a break, so he stepped out for a few minutes, leaving Eve all alone in her stark white room.

And yet she didn't feel particularly alone. It was as though Freddie was standing in the room with her, somewhere just out of sight. Eve wasn't a paranormal enthusiast by any means, but she almost felt like if she turned her head she would see her beloved Papa next to her, cheering her on. The feeling disappeared as soon as Jim returned, with Veronica arriving soon after. But it returned several hours later, after her daughter had finally been born. Eve was sitting in the bed, cradling her newborn child, and she could have sworn Freddie was peering over her shoulder, admiring the new baby. It thrilled Eve to think her father might have visited her for this momentous occasion, and it brought her comfort to know he hadn't let her go through it alone.

2017 Brian and Roger weren't the least bit surprised to hear that Eve had felt Freddie with her when she needed him most. But they were a little bit shocked that this was the first they were hearing about her teenage years. "I can't believe Deacy never told us Fred was a grandad" Roger said, still trying to process everything. "I'm sure he had his reasons" Brian said evenly. "I didn't want him to" Eve explained. "I didn't particularly want the world to know I was a teen mum." "We're hardly the world" Roger pointed out, slightly miffed. "I know" Eve conceded. "But he was hardly seeing you by then anyway, it was just easier not to say anything." She paused as something suddenly occurred to her. "Besides, you lot turning up at Garden Lodge again would have caused a sensation, and then all Papa's efforts to keep me secret would have been for nothing." "You're right, of course" Roger sighed. “I just wish we could have been there for you. We could have helped, you know.”

“You did help” Eve said softly. “You kept Queen going.” Roger was confused. “And how did that help you, exactly?” “It meant I kept getting royalties” Eve explained. “Not a vast fortune, of course, but enough to keep me going while I finished school and whatnot.” Roger smiled. "Well I'm glad to know we were able to do something for the two of you." "And I'm sure Deacy was a brilliant support to you" Brian chimed in. "He was" Eve agreed, nodding. "He and Veronica pretty much got me through my teens, really."

At the mention of his old friend Roger looked thoughtful. “How is John these days?” Eve smiled rather sadly. “He’s… happy enough” she said slowly. “He still misses Freddie bitterly, but he likes the quiet life.” Roger and Brian both smiled in understanding, though they seemed a little wistful. “He was never much into the rockstar lifestyle” Brian commented.

Suddenly the warm atmosphere was shattered by Mel cursing. “Bugger. I’ve gotta get back, the band’s all wondering where I am.” “The band?” Eve questioned. “The young men playing us” Brian explained. “Some of the production staff referred to them that way and it sort of stuck.” Eve grinned. “Makes sense.” “Well, they could hardly call them Queen II could they?” Roger joked.

“Actually,” he went on more seriously, “you should meet them, Eve. They’re nice lads, and I’m sure they’d enjoy hearing your perspective on a few things…” “Rami and Joe in particular would be very appreciative, I think” Brian added. “Why-” Eve started to ask, but Mel cut her off. “They can’t talk directly to the people they’re playing” she pointed out. “Oh, of course” Eve murmured. “I’m not sure, I wouldn’t want to expose myself to the world” she demurred. “You wouldn’t” Mel countered. “They’d never sell anyone out like that.” Eve hesitated. “Your daughter’s quite right, they’re perfectly trustworthy” Brian assured her. “At least talk to Rami, he’d be absolutely thrilled to speak with you” he urged. Suddenly Eve smiled. “Well alright then.” With a cheeky grin she turned to her daughter. “Take me to the band!” she jokingly ordered. Roger and Brian laughed almost as much as Mel, finally revelling in the joy of the day’s unexpected reunion.

Luckily, the band were still eating lunch together, so locating them all was a simple matter of finding their table in the catering tent. Mel eagerly led her mother towards them, Brian and Roger having quietly wandered off along the way, ostensibly to have a chat with the producers. Eve was almost as eager as her daughter, curious to see what the men Mel spoke so highly of were really like. They were in early 70s garb today, all long hair and flared pants. Eve was rather grateful that Rami wasn’t wearing the moustache; she wasn’t sure how she would have reacted to seeing him dressed as the Freddie she'd known. As it was she thought they all looked equally wonderful in today’s costumes.

Mel couldn’t help smiling when she caught Ben’s eye. She could have sworn he smiled back, but it was Joe who spoke first. “Mel! Where’ve you been, Ben’s been worried sick all lunch break” he asked dramatically. “Oh, shut up” Ben grumbled, shoving his shoulder crossly. Mel just rolled her eyes affectionately. “I’ve been showing my mum round, you knew I’d be busy today.” “Your mum?” Gwilym questioned. “Yes” Mel replied simply. “Guys, this is my mum Eve.” Polite hellos were duly exchanged across the table, though Eve could feel genuine warmth behind them. Even Lucy, half draped across Rami’s lap, was obviously pleased to meet a relative of Mel.

The group chattered amiably while they finished their lunch, but before long the band and Lucy were needed back on set. Mel expected them Rami to lead them all back to work, but surprisingly he hung back, telling the others he’d meet them at the set. They apparently accepted this without question, though Mel was quite sure they’d be discussing it at length before they got back to work. When the rest of the band were safely out of earshot, Rami turned to Eve. “Has anyone ever told you that you and your daughter both look like Freddie Mercury?”

Eve smiled. “I know Mel’s been hearing that a lot lately,” she said knowingly. “But it’s been a while since anyone’s said that to me.” Rami peered at her curiously. “Do you… do you have any idea where that resemblance might have come from?” Mel could feel the tension rise at Rami’s blunt question, but to her immense relief her mother seemed untroubled. “Well,” Eve said, grinning mischievously, “I expect it’s the family resemblance.” Rami stared at her, brows furrowed in confusion, until realisation suddenly dawned across his face. “Wait, are you saying-” “I can explain, but I’d rather do it in private” Eve explained, cutting Rami off before he could accidentally reveal her great secret. To her immense relief he quickly flashed her an understanding smile. “I have to go to work now, but come to my trailer later. Mel knows where it is.” He smiled again, and with a quick ‘nice to meet you’ he hurried off back to set.

Mel turned to her mother expectantly. “Well?” “He seems nice” Eve commented. “Actually they all seem like nice lads, I can see why you like them so much.” She paused thoughtfully. “I think I can see why they wanted him to play Freddie, too.” Mel smiled with relief. “So you’ll help him?” “As much as I can” Eve agreed. “Perhaps you could help Joe too” Mel suggested. Eve smiled. “I suppose I could.”

Mel found herself facing a busy afternoon, so she sent her mum to watch the filming while she worked. It soon became clear that none of the band was going to get much downtime until shooting finished for the day, so between takes Rami organised to meet Eve just before he went home for the night. The filming went on for hours, but finally the director called cut and everyone started to pack up. Amongst all the activity Eve managed to slip away unnoticed, to a deserted corner near Rami’s trailer where they were unlikely to be seen.

Rami grinned mischievously when he spotted Eve behind his trailer. “So, about that family resemblance…” Eve took a breath. “I meant that sincerely you know” she said casually. “The truth is, as far as anyone knows Freddie Mercury was my biological father.” Rami raised an eyebrow. “As far as anyone knows?” “He’s not the only, ah, candidate, but I’ve never actually had a DNA test” Eve explained. Rami snorted. “You don’t need one.” He paused, suddenly looking distinctly uncomfortable. “Sorry if this is a bit forward of me, but I’d love to talk to you about Freddie, somewhere a little more private” he said warmly. “So I was thinking we could get dinner at my hotel?” “What, now?” Eve questioned. Rami nodded. “If that’s alright with you.” Eve was hesitant. “Just checking: this isn’t a romantic invitation is it?” Rami shook his head. “God, no!” he burst out, almost too quickly. “Sorry, I just meant I’m kind of not… available in that way.” Eve smiled. “It’s fine” she reassured him. “If it was I would have had to turn it down seeing as I’m a married woman.” Rami grinned with relief. “Well, in that case, shall we?” Eve smiled. “Just let me ring home on the way and I’m all yours.” With that, they trotted off along a less conspicuous route to Rami’s chaffeured car, chatting amiably along the way.

Ben had almost reached his trailer when he spotted Mel lounging against it. He smiled at the sight, but his expression shifted into a frown when he noticed Rami and Eve wandering off together looking very friendly. Possibly too friendly. Mel made to smile at Ben, only to be confused when she noticed him frowning. She turned away just in time to spot Rami walking with her mum. She thought he looked rather excited. Mum must have told him, Mel mused. In which case they must be off for a long conversation about Papa. Mel’s contentment at this development turned to concern when she realised Ben was storming towards her looking less than pleased.

Ben seemed fairly calm when he hauled Mel into his trailer, but when he turned back to her after carefully locking the door she could see the anger on his face. "What the hell is going on?" he fumed. "With what?" Mel responded calmly, not quite sure where all this was coming from. "I just came across Rami looking very cosy with your mum" Ben growled. “Almost suspiciously cosy.” Mel sighed. "It's not like that, Ben, she’s married for God’s sake." Ben was not particularly soothed. "Well then what is it like?" he snapped. "Cos from where I'm standing it doesn't look good." "Oh my God, Ben, why do you even care so much?" Mel snapped back. "Because he's my friend!" Ben yelled. "And Lucy's my friend, and…" His voice trailed off as he realised something. "What?" Mel questioned, confused by the sudden change of mood. "I like you" Ben admitted. "I like you a lot, and I don't want to think you would allow something like that, but…" "Of course I wouldn't, Ben, I'm not an arsehole" Mel responded, hoping to reassure him. It didn't work. Ben was still cross, and now he was confused as well. "Why didn’t you stop it, then?" "Because she’s helping him!" Mel cried. "Helping him?" Ben questioned, even more confused. "How can she help him?"

Mel sighed. She'd really done it now. There was no way out of this conversation without letting Ben in on the family secret. "Alright Ben" she said eventually, suddenly much quieter and calmer. "I'm going to tell you something, so you'll understand. But you have to promise me, what I'm about to say does not leave this trailer." Ben smiled reassuringly. "I won't tell another soul, I promise." Mel took a calming breath. Here goes nothing. "My mum can help Rami with this role because she's Freddie Mercury's daughter" she confessed.

Ben was stunned. "She's…what?" he spluttered. Mel smiled reassuringly. "It's big, I know." Suddenly Ben stared at Mel wide-eyed. "So it's all true then…" Mel was confused. "What's true?" "The rumours about Freddie. That he had a lovechild." Ben explained. "How did you hear those?" Mel questioned. "Rami" Ben said simply. "He saw you, remembered the rumours, and guessed you must be Freddie's grandchild." Mel was stunned. "Shit. He worked it all out." Ben grinned. "God, he's going to be so pleased with himself tomorrow."

Suddenly Ben reached out and pulled Mel into his chest. She wondered whether he was trying to ground himself after all the big revelations. Not that she minded, of course, it was Ben after all.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me the truth" he murmured into her ear. "Of course" Mel murmured back. They stood silently for a moment, thinking over everything that had just been said. "Can't believe you got so worked up about my mum" Mel commented. Ben smiled sheepishly. "Sorry." "Can't believe you thought her and Rami…" Mel trailed off as something else Ben had said suddenly hit her like a truck. "Wait. Did you say you liked me?" she asked, stepping back to look at Ben's face.

Ben's gentle smile disappeared instantly. "Shit. I thought you didn't notice." "So did you mean you like me as a friend or…?" Mel asked curiously, her heart suddenly hammering at the possibilities. Ben could feel his own heart race as he opened his mouth. "Well I do consider you a friend. But… I'd really like us to be more than that" he confessed. Mel smiled as she moved closer to Ben. "I'd like that too." Ben could have wept with relief. "So, do you want to get dinner tonight?" he asked, beaming. "I'd love to" Mel beamed back. Ben grinned. “Great! I’ll just grab my shit and then we can go.” True to his word, within five minutes he and Mel were walking towards the studio car park hand in hand.

***

Less than an hour later, Rami was sat at a table in the hotel restaurant, buzzing with excitement. Freddie Mercury's biological child was sitting in front of him! What a day. Eve smiled with amusement as his obvious enthusiasm. "So I suppose you have a few questions you'd like to ask?" Rami grinned. "Oh, hundreds." "Well, go on then" Eve encouraged. "I guess the biggest one is this" Rami said thoughtfully. "How exactly did a man like Freddie Mercury manage to father a lovechild anyway?"

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Taglist: @wandering-at-midnight @fruityfreddie @trumanjo @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @itsametaphorbriansblog @theedwardscollection @simplyvictoria-93 @kotoamor @j1224 @florenceivy @jennyggggrrr @mercurycrowley @xstrawverrymilktaex

(I’ve removed a couple of urls from the Though You’re Many Years Away taglist because the tags aren’t working)

#ben hardy fic #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x oc #freddie mercury fic #freddie mercury imagine #bohemian rhapsody cast fic #bohemian rhapsody imagine #bo rhap imagine #rami malek #rami malek imagine #gwilym lee imagine #joe mazzello imagine #ben hardy x reader #queen fic #queen band fic #brian may imagine #roger taylor fic #roger taylor imagine #brian may fic

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bucksbisexual · 4 years ago

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY LAST ONE OF MY OPINION POSTS HERE GOES EP12:

[breathes in]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i’m so fucking happy with this ending

it’s such a good happy ending this is truly what the gays deserve i’m just happiness in physical form rn

i don’t even know where to start but i’ll try to make this as chronological as my brain allows me because my memory do be sucking

i’m gonna put a keep reading because this shit will get loooooong kjshfkf okay let’s do this

so.. we start with PETE EXPOSING NON(T)’S BRAT ASS!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES THATS MY BABY THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!

kao’s mom being a fucking badass and telling her BOSS how to do shit. i love her yall I LOVE HERRRRRRRR

also kao’s mom telling kao that she wasn’t the most amazing person ever was so cute because you can see kao’s light bulb turning on sjfkhsgsh please i love them

yes i will say i love x after every single one of these u can’t stop me

from the teaser i thought kao would dashi run run run to pete’s house but thankfully he took a taxi lmao

at least he didn’t run there because he had to run from pete’s house (or may i say, mansion) to the POOL my man is a whole athlete oh my god

KAO YELLING HE LOVES PETE!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLOSED SPACE WITH PEOPLE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY HEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABYYYYYYYY

also a beautiful parallel to the scene from ep1 (i noticed there’s a lot of parallels in this episode we stan character development and repeating things just so the viewers can see how consistent the couples are)

the kiss from that scene............... beautiful amazing gorgeous idk many words in english to describe how i felt while watching and how i feel about it

to that i think we cut to sunmork but i don’t remember what happened because of the kiss KJHFKSL SORRY

anygays i rlly like how this whole episode is sun being a clingy bih and mork gay panicking while trying to act like a confident gay when he knows that sun outconfidentgays him i love them lmao

okay after that i think it’s petekao having food with their parents all together and god i looooooove this scene

pete’s dad being the lgbt ally dad all of us lgbt fellas with homo/transphobic dads wish we had will never fail to make me soft i love that man pls be my dad too

also kao’s mom :-(( i love her she respected her son’s decision on not coming out until he was ready even though she already smelled it (reminds me of my mom lmao) and was always there for him even when kao didn’t say anything :-(((((((((((

petekao bickering will never get old i swear i love every time they do because that’s so..... men it makes their characters more real

i know there’s a lot (not that much because i admit this episode was kinda short?? idk maybe it’s just me) between that scene and this one but THE SQUAD EATING ALL TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!!!! AND THEM TEASING PETEKAO!!!!!! PLEASE I LOVE THEM

pete literally not knowing how to stop the audio and broadcasting live TO THE WHOLE COUNTRY that time when he told kao he loved him through the teddy bear...... peak pete culture

the fact that ppl love them and they have a whole hashtag on twitter makes me soft because usually when someone is famous in bls the fans hate the other part of the couple but in this one??? oh no honey we stan petekao in this household hate is not allowed it’s actually prohibited illegal

okay let me backtrack a bit skjfhsjf

OH YES I FORGOT!!!! manow wanting to talk with mork was so weird when i saw the teaser for the episode but after seeing them talk i was like oooooh okay i understand

sun saying “what’s your girl saying to my boy” is probably one of my favourite lines of this drama KLHSJFLF

rain reading their lips fskjfjsf and when mork said “fuck you rain” HIS FACE SKJFHKSJSLFJ HE WAS SCARED SHITLESS but also the end of this scene was so cute i love these three

i just did a bit of skipping through the episode to try and actual make an order out of this mess and the petekao+parents thing comes now,,,,,, anygaYS

then it’s more teasing between sunmork blah blah

then MORK SPEAKING THE MF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! quoting the actual dialogue “it’s my choice to tell or not tell anyone. i should get to decide”

OUTING SOMEONE ISN’T COOL!!!!!!! IT’S NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! NO LGBT PERSON WILL EVER WANT TO BE OUTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T DO THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain had good intentions but it doesn’t mean that it was right of him to do so

okay this got serious,, sun going to rain’s bed with not one but Two pillows when barely two people fit in that bed.... oh to be that iconic and carelessly gay

back to petekao because we will never get enough of these two (which is why i’ll probably watch the our skyy episode tomorrow just to cry over these fools)

it’s so weird to see tay being like this after watching him being himself in other things like the live lunch and taynew meal date and other things i’ve randomly watched during this week to retain myself from finishing this series in a night ksfjhsfkshlks

also kao helping pete shave and pete being like do u like my moustache or should i shave it for u my lord SFHKFJ the domesticity and just the feeling of two idiots being in love i love them with my whole heart

kao staying at pete’s house because it’s both of their first days as interns and kao!!!!! he works for pete’s dad!!!!!!! pete’s dad accepted him into his company!!!!!! i love them

also the bickering between those three sjfkhs “hello im pete im from thailand” “that’s all you’ll say today” THAT WAS SO FUNNNY SKJFHSKFHSFJSFL

THE MESSAGE IN THE TEDDY BEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAO CALLING PETE LOVE PLEASE IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE THESE FOOLS

okay so the squad eating together is right after this but i already talked about it ksjfhsfh next!!

idk if it’s a big time skip or a small one but guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANOW AND RAIN ARE DATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY STRAIGHT BABIES YES I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAA

manow is so pretty and rain is so cute they’re both so lucky my bisexual ass is crying

pete being “angry” at kao being so handsome,,, a mood

but also.. pete being possessive was h*t

there i said it and i don’t regret it

random but i will miss kao’s annoying ass saying “about aboyz” sjfkhsfh

pete being like “i will have to give u more love bites (ffs gmmtv just say hickies we are all at an age where we know what love bites are) so no one flirts with u” and kao being like “bitch try me” sjfhksfj i’m loving bratty kao

also that scene turned into furry kao real quick KJHDKJFSHJF

okay now it’s: mork’s birthday party time!!

rain and manow arrive first and are the cutest couple around because the two main gays haven’t arrived yet (being gay AND punctual? not possible)

sun and rain fighting in the kitchen was peak siblings culture skfhksjf

mork being ready to leave his own birthday party with a stranger who also plays pokemon go just to have a battle................ dumbass bisexual energy

said stranger is eARN FROM 2GETHER!!!!!! FILM IS IN THIS TOO!!!!!!!! first the girl who plays yuri in yyy and now film who plays earn in 2gether is here too??? damn wlw keep winning (also headcanon: theyre dating/seeing each other because LESBIANS periodt)

okay petekao arrive and wont u guess whats their present for mork,,,,,, the mf TEDDY BEAR and kao rlly says that they should use it since theyre so lip sealed lmao

rain and manow literally gave mork a present not for him but for sun im- i love these two

MORK FINALLY SAID YES TO BEING BOYFRIENDS OH MY GOD DUDE U ACTUALLY HAD ME WORRIED THERE FOR A SEC

also sun being a whole koala and being a horny bitch is so funny sfhskfjskl my man has his priorities set

their last scene is so cute :-(( poor rain will have to live with this until he moves out sjfhksjf

oh boi the ending is near hhhhhhh

kao teaching his class an equation that ends up in i < 3 u is the most kao thing i’ve ever seen

also kAO IS BOOKED AND BUSY BABYYYYYYYYYY GET THOSE COINS HONEY

pete being like “u haven’t spent enough time with me lately >:-(” was cute jhkfjs my man is needy of kao and i understand that because have u seen kao? exactly

kao teasing him with not having forgotten the cup this time and pete being his possessive self was.. splendid

every reference to something that happened with non(t) hurts but also i love how they just tease each other because they know that now their relationship is stronger than it’s ever been and that nothing and no one will come between them

the scenes they show during the last last scenes :-((( BOYFIES!!!!!!

and i love how they decided to end the show with them holding hands in public

i would explain why i do but it’s 6:26 am and i’ve been writing this for at least half an hour already and my laptop is heating up a lot and im sweating because it’s hot in here so get down on the floor pipiipipipipipipi

kdjhkdfhs sorry im not sleepy this is just my brain without a filter it’s just gay shit and a big repertoire of songs

god okay that was my opinion on the last episode of dark blue kiss...........

needless to say that i will eat every bit of content related to petekao after this because writing this i already miss them and i can’t wait to watch our skyy tomorrow idk where but i will

i really really REALLY liked this drama and it’s one of the two bl dramas (not counting the untamed) i’ve given a full 10/10 rating on mdl because it’s THAT good

everything about this drama is just.. chef’s kiss i love it i will probably rewatch it when my plan to watch is empty but it’s a pretty long list so.. hopefully i’ll ignore that and just rewatch sjkfhslf

i’ll of course watch kiss and kiss me again just for the petekao, the squad and rain scrumbs because i’m sure that the petekao compilations don’t show everything

but yeah im just.. i love this show it’s been a rlly long time since i started writing this but i’m still happy because it’s so good and truly gave us a good happy ending and i swear i cannot emphasise enough how important good happy endings in lgbt media are!!!!!!!!!!

anygays im hungry and ready to submerge myself in the dbk tags, see u all tomorrow for my our skyy petekao episode version of this,,,,,

till then, stay safe ! bYE

#dark blue kiss #dbk the series #dbk #dbk reaction

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morkhan · 5 years ago

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Will Byers is Gay: The Evidence So Far

With the release of Stranger Things 3, there has been a lot of discussion kicked up about the character of Will Byers and his sexuality (or lack thereof). I've seen a lot of takes about what "it's not my fault you don't like girls" was intended to mean, many of which seem to take it in isolation, so I wanted to make a post putting it into what I think is its proper context; not an isolated incident, but the latest carriage in veritable train of queer themed language and imagery that has followed Will Byers since episode one of season one, and before that. You ready? Alright, let's go.

Season Zero: the Montauk Files

Before Stranger Things became Stranger Things, it was called Montauk. Like many would-be show makers, the Duffer Bros put together a "show bible" describing the premise, setting, tone, and characters of the show they intended to make. Like many shows, a lot of these ideas changed or were lost on their way to the screen, but it's always worth looking into their original concepts. Here is their description of Will Byers in the Montauk show bible:

Obviously, the major whammy there is in the first line "sexual identity issues." But there are some other interesting notes, like his "colorful clothes" that you might want to keep a lookout for on your next rewatch. Now, onto...

Season 1

The thing to pay attention to regarding Will in season 1 is in the language used to refer to him when he is not present (which he isn't for most of the season).

Episode 1: the subject of bullying comes up right away in the conversation between Joyce and Hopper. "The kids, they're mean. They laugh at him, laugh at his clothes, call him names." "What's wrong with his clothes?" "I don't know!" This harkens back to the Montauk show bible, but it's arguable, since it's never made clear what about his clothes draws ire.

She also mentions that he is "sensitive," "not like most," and that his dad said he was "queer" and called him a "fag." Hopper asks "is he?" to which she replies "He's missing is what he is!"

Episode 3: Troy says he's not missing, he's dead. "Probably killed by some other queer."

Episode 4: Troy, again "Will's in fairyland, flying around with all the other little fairies, all happy and gay."

Sensitive, queer, fag, fairy, and gay are all used to describe Will in season 1, but perhaps more notable is the fact that they aren't used to describe anyone else. If the show were truly period accurate, let's be real; the whole party would've been called queers on a pretty regular basis, because "queer" doubled as a generic insult back then. But in season 1, these words are only ever used in relation to Will, with one exception; in episode 6, Steve says to Will's brother, "I used to think you were queer." So it's not even an active accusation in that moment; it's used in the negative.

Hell, Troy walked up to Lucas mockingly proposing to Mike and proclaiming his love for him, and he still didn't call them queers. That language is reserved for Will.

Now granted, most of these are used as insults by characters who don't like Will, but still; as a writer, if you want your audience to remember something, repetition is an excellent way to embed it in their minds. There's a reason for the specificity of language surrounding Will, and a reason that language keeps coming up over and over and over again.

Season 2

Season 2 retires much of the homophobic language used to insult Will, replacing it with "Zombie Boy." The only homophobic language used in season 2 is the word "faggot," used by Billy's father to refer to Billy, who expresses a clear interest in women (and an arguable interest in one particular man, but that's the subject of another post).

Still, there is an arguable bit of queer theming in Will's conversation with Jonathan regarding the benefits of being a "freak" and how normal people never accomplish anything. Jonathan even invokes bisexual icon David Bowie to make Will feel better about his "freakishness."

The clearest piece of queer theming for Will in season 2 comes in episode 8, in this beautiful speech from Joyce to Possessed Will:

"When you turned eight, I gave you that huge box of crayons, do you remember that? It was 120 colors. And all your friends got you Star Wars toys, but all you wanted to do was draw with all your new colors. And you drew this big spaceship, but it wasn't from a movie. It was YOUR spaceship; a RAINBOW Ship, that's what you called it. And you, you must have used every color in the box. I took that with me to Melvald's, and I put it up. I told everyone who came in, 'My son drew this.' And you were so embarrassed, but I was so proud. I was so, so proud."

This is one of the most powerful memories of her son that Joyce has, an image so strong and distinct that she uses it to invoke his true identity against the monster that is slowly subsuming him. She notes very specifically that it's not something he copied, but something that came entirely from Will himself, an image that she felt represented him so perfectly that she took it with her to work and proudly touted it as his to everyone she knew. The Rainbow Ship is Joyce's picture of her son's very heart, and surely I don't need to explain to you how powerful a piece of queer imagery the rainbow is.

Some subtextual stuff; in episode 9, when the girl asks Will to dance, he stammers "I... I don't..." and only goes to dance with her when Mike literally pushes him towards her.

During the final montage, the scene cuts to different characters in time with appropriate lines from the song: "every move you make" cuts to Mike and El (as he is teaching her to dance), "every vow you break" cuts to Nancy dancing with Dustin (as she technically cheated on Steve with Jonathan), "I'll be watching you" cuts to Lucas dancing with Max (as she has playfully called him 'stalker' all season). What line cuts to Will? "Every smile you fake," specifically on the word fake, while Will dances with a girl wearing this expression:

That is not a real smile, that is not a comfortable boy, and that is not an accident; Noah Schnapp is one of the best actors in the entire show, and of the young boys, he is the one the Duffers trust most to do dramatic heavy lifting.

Do you want it to be a little more explicit? Okay, here is that scene in the script:

I mean, that pretty much speaks for itself. It's less explicit in the actual show, but it's still there, you know?

Season 3

And now, the biggest and most explicit thing to date; The Scene. I mean, you could discuss the obvious subtext in the simple fact that Will is the only male main character who has yet to find a girlfriend or express any interest in girls whatsoever, but that pales in comparison to The Scene.

The setup for The Scene is pretty simple; after declaring "a day free of girls" in order to get his friends to run the D&D campaign he's probably spent a significant amount of time creating, his friends have blown him off to continue bemoaning their girl troubles, so Will has decided to leave. Mike, realizing too late that he has genuinely upset his friend, chases after him to try and get him to come back.

A back-and-forth argument ensues, where Will accuses Mike of ruining the party and abandoning his friends in favor of girls, and Mike, in the heat of the moment, responds with "It's not my fault you don't like girls!" After which, everything stops. There is a full second of silence, and a close up on Noah Schnapp's face so you can take in his reaction.

There is a lot to unpack here. Now, acting is up to interpretation to a degree, but to me, that expression conveys two primary emotions; shock, and betrayal. That face says "how could you?" Because here's the thing; regardless of what Mike does or doesn't know about Will's sexuality, Mike knows for a fact that Will has been called a queer all his life by everyone from his school bullies to his own fucking dirtbag father. By invoking even the specter of that, Mike has crossed a fucking line, and he knows it. And we know he knows it, because he immediately backtracks and tries to mitigate the damage. But it's too late. The damage has been done.

I also think there is a tinge of fear in that image. Just a moment of soul raking panic that pretty much every closeted queer person knows intimately. It's very brief. But I think it's there, if you look.

This scene sends Will into an emotional tailspin that culminates in him tearing down the literal last bastion of his childhood in a fit of sorrow and rage. His innocence has been destroyed. He cannot regain what he has lost, and he can never go back to the way things were before. This is the emotional climax of his arc for season three. It's a powerful one-- shame it comes in the third of eight episodes, but that's neither here nor there.

And that's pretty much it for now. Any one of these things taken in isolation could be very easily dismissed, but here's the thing; they aren't isolated incidents. They are part of a clear and consistent pattern, one that goes all the way back to the show's inception, before even one minute of footage was filmed. And this pattern points to one very obvious conclusion; the Duffer Brothers have always intended, and continue to intend, for Will Byers to be gay.

Now, for the obvious question; why haven't they made it explicit yet?

The answer is as unfortunate as it is obvious; I don't know.

It's entirely possible that there is some external force that the Duffers have to answer to that is preventing them from actively pursuing this particular storyline. This happens all the time in Hollywood, and it could be anything from Netflix to Noah Schnapp's parents to Noah Schnapp himself just being uncomfortable with it. Many are the creators who dream Big Gay Dreams only to run into the horrors of our Forced Hetero Reality. If the Duffers ultimately submit to these pressures, I hope you won't be too hard on them. This shit is harder than you think to get to the screen sometimes.

But it's also possible that they just aren't ready for it yet. That they have been saving this for a future storyline, that they just want their characters (and the actors) to get a little older before they pursue this particular storyline explicitly, but they've been busily laying groundwork for it so that anyone paying attention will know it's coming.

I don't know. Only time will tell for sure.

For now, I can tell you this; I see a great deal of evidence that the Duffers still intend for Will to be gay, and precisely zero that they have changed their minds.

I hope that holds true.

#stranger things #will byers #mike wheeler #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #stranger things spoilers

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alyseofwonderland · 5 years ago

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Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy.

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s, and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog.

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel? [afronted gasp]

OI! (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them. (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character. Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed. I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers. Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age!

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff.

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.

#jabberwockytalkies #words #donna tartt i just wanna talk #the goldfinch #alyse watches stupid movies #theodore decker #boris pavlikovsky #larry decker #xandra #donna tartt #this book beat me up and took my money and my will to put up with men

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revengeisalwaysanoption · 6 years ago

Note

I don’t know if you’re taking prompts, but I think it would be funny to read something about The Boy Squad and Niccolò playing truth or dare, spin the bottle or something like that. And another one: Marti trying to hide his hickeys from The boys, because Niccolò simply loves his neck 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 (btw I love your writing!)

Thanks! I’m sorry it took me so long, but I finally have it. Hope it doesn’t disappoint too much…

******************************

Nobody thought Martino could actually pull this off.

‘You’ve got the worst poker face in the world, zì.’ Giovanni reminded him, sure that Niccolò would know something was up as soon as he opened the door. That might be true, but Gio was definitely underestimating how good his best friend could be at sidetracking Nico. He wouldn’t even remember his own name, once he was done with him…

‘If you manage not to give it away tonight, and that’s a big if… you want me to believe that you’re gonna tell him that you’re busy and that you really can’t stay, when morning comes?’ Elia rolled his eyes, disbelief written all over his face. The plan could work, because it wasn’t something you’d ever expect from Martino… but it was hard to imagine this boy would really let Niccolò spend most of the next day alone.

‘Aren’t you gonna feel guilty about keep a secret from him?’ Luca asked, genuinely surprised by this new – stealthy – side of Martino. ‘I feel bad already… so maybe you better text me the details at the last minute. I can’t promise I won’t say something I shouldn’t, if he asks me…’

Yeah, he had taken that into account. Maybe he should have told Luchino that there wasn’t anything to feel sorry, or guilty, about. That as soon as Ni would find the first clue inside the ukulele, he’d know he has been sent on a treasure hunt. He wouldn’t really care that asking for help from his friends could be considered cheating – let it be known that he still is the Greatest Fucking Cheater Ever Existed – but he’d try not to involve them just because it’s their game…Marti should have told Luchino, sure. But it implied talking about the handwritten notes, the flipbook, the antidote, the giraffes… About things that he didn’t feel like to share that with anyone, because they were just theirs.Contrary to everybody’s expectations, indeed, Martino managed to surprise Niccolò.He had him running and cycling all over the city – including their school terrace, were Chicco Rodi and Rocco Martucci were waiting for him – to collect clues on where to find him… Which ended up being the most obvious place, if only Niccolò had taken a moment to stop and think: in that same swimming pool where they first kissed, without any Renato to interrupt them now.He let him think that they were going home to make up for lost time, alone… And then got a bit frantic when Niccolò turned on the light and looked at him and then at their friends, like he couldn’t believe his eyes…Was it too much? Was he overwhelmed?

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”Trust Luchì to break the ice and hug Niccolò so tight that he couldn’t help but hug him back and start laughing.

Silvia came to the rescue, handing out slices of cake to everyone. It was barely more edible than the one she had prepared for the first meeting at Radio Osvaldo but he ate it with such gusto that one would think it was the best thing he had ever tasted.

He was gifted with pictures and embarrassing stories of his boyfriend’s first year in high school by Eva, shared travelling tips with Eleonora and went off on a rant about the upcoming maturità with Edoardo and Federico. If there was one good thing that came out from Covitti being a jerk, in the end, it was that it showed Incanti and Canegallo could be pretty decent people. Who wouldn’t side with the homophobic asshole out of fear of being called gay themselves, as most other boys at school seemed to do.

Who would break a bottle on someone’s head, if it came down to it, before their friend could be seriously harmed.

He discussed about some stickers and pins he had designed for Pride this year with Filippo, and explained to a very intrigued Luchino what pansexuality was with Sava’s help.

They were both very kind and patient and answered each one of his inappropriate questions, and Filippo even went far as shutting down Martino’s groans when Luca said “So, bi and pans do have something in common: they could both pass off as straight if they wanted, right?” with a “That’s rich, coming from you.”

“Uh?”

“I mean… I remember you thinking being ace was equal to being celibate, until what… Last week? Didn’t you say they were ‘straight-passing’ too, Rose?”

“I’m still learning, okay?” Martino mumbled, pouting. Both Niccolò and Filippo were older than him, so of course they knew more about this stuff!

“We know you are.” Niccolò conceded, walking over to his boyfriend to kiss him on the lips. “So am I. So is Filippo. So is everyone here in my house, today.”

“What they’re saying is just that we can all learn something from each other, Marti! That’s why I like to ask questions, you know? I like to learn…”

“Yeah, but it’s not their responsibility to educate you, Luchì.” Elia butted in, getting an impressed look from Filippo – not that he gave a damn about that, not in slightest. “I hate to be the one who breaks the news to you, bro, but the Internet is for more than just porn.”

Sana cornered him in the kitchen, half an hour later, to stress that they all agreed his house was the best place to have this party because he could kick them all out whenever he pleased.

“You didn’t ask for this, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to entertain your guests, you know?” She casted a glance to their friends, who were now in the middle of a ridiculous game Federica had suggested. “Don’t let us overstay our welcome, okay?”

So he doesn’t. It’s like being aware that he has a way out, that he can call this off whenever he wants - and they won’t hold it against him, they won’t be thinking “What’s got into Fares, now? – is enough to put his mind at ease. Having Martino by his side, soothing his nerves and grounding him with the lightest of touches upon his shoulders, helps a lot too.

As the birthday boy he also gets to have the last word on the party games, vetoing strip poker and spin-the-bottle. They were fun when he had been in middle school, and he can still hear his old friends cheering when the bottle pointed to the girl he had been crushing on for weeks – he can’t even remember her name, now, how pathetic is that? – but a trip down the memory lane is the last thing he needs, tonight.

“Truth or dare?” Eva suggests, as both Giovanni and Martino roll their eyes.

They would rather be humiliated at another round of beer pong against her and Silvia, than play that.

“Maybe later.” He says, laughing at the ‘yes, please’ looks from the girls and the ‘thanks, but no thanks’ glares from the boys. “I’m not drunk enough for that yet…”

It’s nice of Martino not to freak out, turning the suggestion down on his behalf because it would be too ‘dangerous’ (dares do tend to escalate quickly, when he is involved). It’s such a welcome change that he wants to savor it, honor it by throwing in his own proposal.

“What about ‘Never have I ever?’”

A drinking game that favors the youngest and most inexperienced among them, doesn’t force anyone to embarrass themselves – they set the ground rule that not drinking doesn’t necessarily mean you never did what has just been mentioned, but that you don’t feel letting people know anything about it.

It was either that or demanding his guests not to get too personal, which can’t really be expected when some are already so inebriated that they are having giggle fits playing peek-a-boo with each other (and Edoardo and Eleonora have no right to make such a silly picture look so endearing, haven’t they?).

The first rounds are rather tame. No one has ever been to Japan, apart from the Savas. No one ever tried to eat insects, apart from Luchino. Some admit to stealing candies when they were younger, some others reveal they went skinny dipping after seeing it on TV. It doesn’t feel as thrilling or liberating as TV shows made it look, though.

Sana plays dirty by asking about porn, to which everybody has to take a drink.

“Never have I ever had sex with a girl.” Luca says, knowing that for once he’ll get the upper hand on half of the Contrabbandieri and the boys from Villa. Well, isn’t this interesting.

Fede, Sana and Eva do not drink but Eleonora does. She grins at her brother, who looks at her with such fondness that Niccolò almost feel like he’s intruding.

Elia is pondering whether to drink or not, but in the end he surprises everyone by leaving it untouched.

Before anyone else can react to that, however, Martino grabs his beer and chugs it down.

“What? When?” Giovanni sounds more outraged than Niccolò could ever bring himself to be. He doesn’t really mind what Martino did in the past, he’d rather revel in the fact that he chose to be with him in the present.

Gio immediately backtracks, when he notices that Marti is still staring at the bottom of his glass.

‘Sex’ is a broad definition, indeed, and who is he to say ‘no, if it isn’t penetrative it doesn’t count’ ?

“I’m sorry. Forget I even asked, it’s none of my business.” He drinks one more of his shots, saying that it’s his penalty for breaking the rules. “We did agree that we shouldn’t ask questions about why is drinking or not, didn’t we? My bad.” He shrugs, as Martino mouths an ‘Apologies accepted thanks.’

“Never have I ever kissed a boy.” Sana admits, diverting the attention to herself.

Elia and Gio drink at the same time, and then rush to say “No! It wasn’t him! Ew, he’s like a brother to me!”

The more they deny it, the less they sound believable, so they just drop it and look at Niccolò expectantly.

“Never have I ever used make up to hide hickeys.” He says, proudly, earning a punch in the shoulder from his boyfriend. Who is now down to 3 beers, not quite being the ‘boring gay’ most assume him to be.

“That’s because I’m considerate enough not to leave you looking like you were mauled or something.” Martino mumbles, ignoring the knowing smirks from his friends. They were well aware of how much Niccolò liked his neck, and hadn’t been fooled by the disappearance of scarves and turtlenecks.

“I wouldn’t mind if you did. I love when you claim me as yours.” Niccolò whispers, brushing his nose against Martino’s and then nuzzling his cheek.

“You do?” It’s just the two of them in the room, now, as he cups Nico’s face in both his hands and sighs contentedly when the other boy nods and kisses his fingers.

“Guys! Please! Either stop it or get a room!” Someone hollers, breaking the spell.

“Never have I ever eaten ass.” Filippo states, just to see everyone squirm. It’s way too personal, too intimate, for anyone to dare and drink.

“Hey! No cheating!” Elia complains, getting up to point his finger right into Filippo’s chest. “You are a cheat and a liar. You’re out. And so am I, ‘cause this is getting old and boring and if we don’t get out soon those two will start fucking in front of our eyes.”

“And you know he’s lying because…?” Eva insists, intrigued by this new turn of events.

“TOO MUCH INFORMATION, GUYS!!” Giovanni shakes his head, covering his ears. “If we’re playing truth or dare, now, please leave those things where they belong. In the bedroom.”

“Getting a taste of your own medicine, Gio?” Nice to know that not even a heavy make out session with Niccolò would stop Martino from passing up the opportunity to tease him. “That’s fine by me. I’ve heard more than I ever asked for, already. Things I’d rather forget, thank you.” And if Elia wants to come clean about being with Filippo, it shouldn’t happen through a stupid party game.

Niccolò dares most people to eat what he cooked, of course.

Luca dares him to see who can fold himself faster into the biggest suitcase he owns – and loses, but he beams when Silvia kisses his cheek and tells him that he just needs to work on his flexibility, but that it was a valiant attempt nonetheless.

Edoardo goes for ‘truth’, of course, knowing that Ele would love that. It would be easy to take advantage of it by asking what if he ever felt ashamed of himself, or to whether or not he ever fell in love before meeting Eleonora. They are all better than that, after all they’ve been through.

“What’s the most idiotic thing you ever spent your money on?”

“Marco’s eighteenth?”

“How can you say that when you’ve got a horse?” Federico reminds him, slapping his neck.

“Hey, I happen to like horse riding. You know that. I’d rather spend a thousand euros on Furia than 10 on Covitti. What about you, Nico?”

“Louboutins.” It didn’t feel stupid, at the time. When she got those shoes, though, she told him he was crazy to waste so much money on shoes. She did appreciate the gesture, but it was imperative that he returned them as soon as possible.

He doesn’t quite know how Martino would react if he got him an expensive gift. Better than Maddalena, that’s for sure, but… Well, there’s no point in speculating: he’s gonna find out in July, when they’ll leave for their romantic getaway in Paris, isn’t he?

Martino dodges dares for a while, going for ‘truth’ even when it means confessing that:

a) Nico and him aren’t big on pet names (“Have you ever heard yourself when you start going ‘oh, you idiot’ ‘shut up, jerk’ ‘you wish, asshole’ ‘wanna a piece of this, wanker‘ ‘you know I do, dickhead’?” Giovanni points out “ ‘cause you ‘insults’ are totally pet names, guys)

b) he had a crush on Gio, though it never compared to what he feels for Niccolò – “you’re giving us all cavities, Marti, have you got no shame?”.

Eventually, though, those fuckers get him to sing a duet with Nico. Of course they choose Vattene Amore and sing along when they get to the ‘ci chiederemo come mai il mondo sa tutto di noi… magari ti chiamerò trottolino amoroso e dudu-dadadà e il tuo nome sarà il nome di ogni città…’ part, filming everything with their smartphones.

By the end of the night, no one is sober enough to walk home. Let alone drive.

The girls set up a blanket fort in the living room, claiming that they cannot kick Niccolò out of his bed and wouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping in his parents’ bed. He argues that they are gonna regret that in the morning, when their back is gonna remind them why it’s not a good idea to doze off on the floor.

Edoardo and his friends insist that they can run on caffeine alone and they are more than happy to crash on a chair. Whatever.

Niccolò is too high on the love he got from everyone tonight, to care about logistics.

So what if he has to share his bed with four other guys. Who cares if they constantly complain that he’s bony, that he snores and has got cold feet – “seriously, Marti, now I get why you always so tired on Mondays…” Luchino whines, trying to smother himself with a pillow and put an end to his misery “how can anyone get any rest, with him in their bed?” – or if it’s such a tight fit that they all have to lay on their sides and nobody has got room to turn in their sleep?

It’s still the best birthday he ever got.

#skam italia #nicotino #rames #elippo #my writing

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bohemian-rhapsody-slash · 6 years ago

Text

Inspired By The trans!Brian Ask (Maylor)

Thanks for the submission @deep-dark-purple!

*****

I reached my ask limit I was vaguely aware that was a thing but had never had it occur. I was inspired like I've never written this much in one sitting ever. Full stop. I just had to get it out. I couldn't stop thinking about that AU. If you want me to finish submitting via asks as well I can do it later tonight Though I can't remember how many parts I was able to send so I would send the last half.

(Yeah you read that right it’s 20 parts but I don't think its narrative structure is how I would like it for posting so editing is required and there's no way I'm doing that.) This was inspired by the trans!Brian post. Surprisingly Brian has been presenting as male since he was about 4 which is very young even now a days. This was due to Brian's behavior, it was getting more and more troubling and it started not long after his 3rd birthday. At first, they wrote it off as a phase. 1/20

They hoped he would just get passed it soon but after 6 months it became clear that wasn't going to happen. He would have tantrums whenever Ruth tried to dress him in, he refused to play with most of his toys because "there too girly." They thought that if they took away the only ones he would play with he would then start playing with the other toys (those toys happened to be gender neutral and space themed in hindsight Brain realizes that’s why he studied astrophysics. 2/20

Those toys were his refuge the only things that didn’t make him feel “wrong”.) To say that plan is failure is an understatement. He would break them or try to throw them away. Within the week they gave his toys back by then he didn't even have any other toys to play with. Plus, they couldn't stand seeing Brian so distraught for any longer. Brian stopped responding to his name and would only acknowledge that someone was talking to him was if they were using a gender-neutral pet name. 3/20

This was the most troubling to his dad since he had been calling him princess since before he was born. So hearing Brian yell that he isn't his princess was like a punch in the gut but he thought it wasn't like they can just "pretend" that he was a boy. Right? That was a revolution to Brian's mom though. She has had to deal this much more then Brian's dad so she was willing to try anything but Brian's dad is like "we absolutely will not do that" and she didn't consider going against him. 4/20

Soon after that conversation Brian's tantrums started to involve hurting himself and that was her breaking point. The thought that she could lose Brain when it was so hard to have him in the first place. She didn't care that it wasn't what her husband wanted because given the choice between the two of them she would pick her baby every time. They basically bent to everything he wanted so he could feel like a boy and the effect was immediate and it was such a relief. 5/20

They ask him what he wants to be called since he doesn't like what they've been calling him. He asks why they were calling the other name and they explained how naming works and since they thought he was a girl they picked it out for him. He responds to that by asking that since he is actually a boy what will be his name. Since “only mommies and daddies can pick names.” Plus, that is kind of a difficult question for someone so young. So, from then on, he was called Brian. 6/20

They didn't think that it would last but a few years later right before he was supposed to start school and Brian is "still" a boy. They ask him if he wants to be a girl when he goes to school and that conversation didn't go well to say the least. They decided that the best thing to do is to move somewhere that no one remembers that they had a daughter and now they have a son. They go all out, changing anything that says Brian is made to say that he's a boy. (easier in 1950s?) 7/20

The only issue that they could see arising is baby and toddler photos that are framed around the house. Ruth can't barre the thought of getting rid of them or hide them away. Plus, it would weird to only have pictures of him often the age 4 1/2. The explanation they came up with was that Ruth was pregnant with a girl and miscarried but soon after was pregnant with Brian. So they had all these girl clothes. Since money was a little tight and babies don't care about those things. 8/20

It also helped because no one is going to ask any follow up questions after hearing that it's having to do with a miscarriage. (I've also heard that sometimes parents of trans kids do feel grief after their kids transitions so it doesn't feel like as much of a lie since they feel like they lost a daughter but again I'm in no way an expert so take that with a grain of salt.) From there on out Brian has no issues in school and is a great student. The main issue is puberty. 9/20

Thankfully his mom has become kind of unstoppable and even in the 60s they were able start Brian on hormones. A sympathetic doctor purposely misdiagnosed so even in the future he wouldn't have issues getting more without drawing attention to himself. Fast forward again to Roger's Smile audition which played out much the same as it did IRL but with one major exception. Brian is so jealous that Roger is so comfortable with himself. 10/20

Roger has no issues with wearing women's clothes and having long hair and being so beautiful that he is mistaken for a woman more often than not. Wait, scratch that last one. I shouldn't think about him like that, he's a band mate and a guy. No matter how charming and funny he is and they sound great playing together. Queue gay crises (though I'm thinking him as demi in this AU and would make a lot of sense since this is his first crush he's even had, 11/20

So, considering that he doesn't have this realization until he's known Roger for more than a year and he's just noticed that his feelings started to change for Roger in the last month or so when Tim left the band. (I'm not going to bother with researching to see if that timeline works right. I've already spent way too much time on this as it is.)) Once he starts thinking about his feelings he can't stop. It's both the best and worst thing he's ever felt. 12/20

The pinning lasts nearly 6 months, during that time Brian gets upset whenever Roger brings someone home. Roger does notice it but thinks its jealousy because that was his aim. He thought that if he made Brian jealous so Brian would start having the same feelings he has. (mutual pinning!) After months of this he accepts that Brian won't ever think of him like that. So, Roger starts taking home guys instead of girls. He had always been discreet when it came to his male hookups. 13/20

Queue Freddie coming to the rescue. He is so over all this. When Roger starts bring home guys that look more and more like Brian, he feels like it's his duty to end this ridiculous situation. (this is where I'm blank I don't know how Freddie helps them get together but he does and never lets them forget it.) Brian does have Roger agree to taking it slow using all sorts of reasons with the exception of him being trans and a virgin (love me some experienced/inexperienced tropes) 14/20

Roger wants to be patient and he tries but he feels this is getting ridiculous and he doesn't want to push because he knows what that feels like and it sucks (I'm not bothering to figure out that this is already to long.) The biggest problem is he feels like Brian is keeping something from him but he thought it was just embarrassed about being inexperienced but then he brings it up during their nearly daily blue ball inducing make out session. 15/20

He tells Brian if that's what he's worried about he doesn't have to be. Basically, they finally have a conversation and Roger is really sweet and tells him about some of his not so great encounters so if anything, he's kind of grateful since that means he's never had to deal with that. (I'm thinking it was a bunch of different things and people that in retrospect he wasn't ready for.) Then he says whatever they do it would be a first for him since it would be with someone he loves. 16/20

That's the first time either of them had said that. It made Brian feel so guilty that he's been keeping something so big and it shows on his face so Roger backtracks because he realizes how that may sound like pressuring Brian considering what they were just talking about. Brian can't take Roger apologizing when this is all "his fault." Once Brian is able to get Roger to shut up Brian says that he loves him too which is why I need to tell you something. (super ominous) 17/20

I don't feel comfortable writing that confession since I'm not qualified to. Basically, Brian tries his best to explain everything (it's the first time he's ever done this) Brian says he understands if Roger wants to break up. Roger says he doesn't but he has a lot of questions. So, Brian says he'll answer anything he wants to ask since he's never felt more relieved. They talk for hours some questions are meant to make Brian laugh some are serious or insensitive. 18/20

They end up falling asleep on the couch cuddling. (They’ve been in the living room I never mentioned that. It's as per Brian's request, he thought it would be easier to keep themselves from going too far then if they were on a bed.) There is all lot of instances of dysphoria but Brian always does his best to explain what caused it so they can avoid it in the future. It still takes a while (like a few months) for them to work up to sex. After he asks Roger if it's always that good. 19/20

Roger says no it's not and that it's just him that made it good. (I know that's really cheesy but I don't care.) The whole thing is adorable. Other things in this AU: It's Roger that made Brian comfortable enough to grow out his hair which is why he keeps it the same for the rest of his life. Roger is bisexual here. Brian's dad is still disapproving he's worried about draw attention and what would happen if he was outed. This took me 4 hours but I needed to get it out somewhere. 20/20

#maylor #trans!brian #submission

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companionjones · 6 years ago

Text

The Beaten Girl And The Bisexual

Requested by: @warmbeebosoftbeebo

Request: an idea that's been coming to me off n on for months is the reader being the sister of one of high school brendon's bullies (i'm picturing b between 8-10 grade, prob 9th or 10th). she doesn't like her brother or what he does (maybe he bullies/abuses her too) but does like that sweet, anxious, awkward, talkative, hyper boy that her jerk of a brother keeps picking on inc homophobia n even outright beating, wants to protect him even, wishes she could be friends--maybe more than friends--with him...

i tend to think a lot of girls would have thought 15-17 yo brendon was gay, n also nice, funny, (more than) a bit of a goober, etc--someone they'd want to be friends with if they weren't worried about their own social status. talking about celebrity crushes with him at yr place n his crush on freddie mercury, ryan gosling n/or justin timberlake comes out accidentally. you think "knew it!" but he also crushes on jessica alba, scar jo so y're confused. he is too? knows he's bi? worries or doesn't?

Fandom: Panic! At The Disco

Pairing: Bisexual!Freshman!Brendon Urie x Abused!Junior!Female!Reader

Warnings: Sibling abuse, bullying, physical bullying, cursing

*******

CRASH! The sound of a body hitting a wall of lockers shattered through the air, followed by an uproar of mocking laughter. You flinched, and tried to ignore the group enjoying the incident. You especially steered clear of the senior student behind it all: your brother.

Glancing into the crowd was not something you meant to do, but once you did, you couldn’t help but stop in your tracks.

Brendon Urie wasn’t someone you knew well. He was a little on the hyper side, and he talked a lot whenever he got the chance to. Brendon was also an awkward kid. Well, the sweet kind of awkward, you thought. You didn’t like that your brother had made Brendon his toy as soon as the freshman started at the high school. Maybe that was what made you interfere.

“Jordan!” You, with all the authority you could muster in that moment, called your brother by his name. “Leave him alone!”

It was like that scene in Tangled when the bar-goers were about to beat up Eugene, but then Rapunzel got their attention. Jordan whipped his head around to see you, and smiled a wicked smile that made your stomach turn.

His voice was maniacal. “Hey everybody, look! It’s my little sister, Y/n!” Jordan changed from talking to his buddies to addressing you, “What? Did you come to help this little nobody here?”

“Just leave Brendon alone. He’s never done anything to you.”

Jordan chuckled, “Woah! I didn’t know you two were on a first-name-basis! When did that happen?”

Rolling your eyes, you walked past your brother, and helped Brendon up. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” you offered the younger boy.

As you and Brendon exited the scene, you heard Jordan shout from behind you, “Just remember, sis, we live in the same house. So, I can come after you whenever I want to.”

“I know,” you poignantly responded over your shoulder.

It wasn’t until you were cleaning Brendon’s wounds in one of the boys’ bathrooms that the freshman decided to ask you, “Why did you help me?”

“Because,” you smirked, “you’re a youngin. It’s the upper-classmen’s job to take care of the little ones...not hurt them.” Your once joking tone turned sad for that last part. You walked away from where Brendon was sitting on the line of sinks to get another paper towel and wet it.

He was silent for a moment before asking another question, “What did you mean when you said you knew your brother would be coming after you?”

Then, it was your turn to pause. You decided to drop the inquiry completely. “...You can come to my house after school. Jordan’s always off with his friends until whatever hours of the night...that’s if he comes home at all. You want to come over?”

Brendon appraised you. Of course, he noticed you didn’t answer his question. “...Sure.”

After school, the walk to your house wasn’t far. You and Brendon talked and joked around on the way.

The kid wasn’t half bad, you thought. He talked a lot, but you thought he was cute when he was rambling. Brendon was goofy, too. He was awkward and clumsy, always stumbling around. You couldn’t help but smile, and even sometimes blush, at the way he acted around you.

After spending some time alone with him, you let your mind wander a bit. You stopped yourself quickly, though. You couldn’t put your finger on it. Maybe it was the way he acted? Or the words he used sometimes? But you had a feeling he wasn’t...straight. You thought he was gay.

And you knew Brendon had no clue about that part of himself.

By the time you and him arrived at your house, you both were immersed in a conversation about each other’s celebrity crushes. You were finishing up your own list as the two of you entered through the front door. While setting your stuff down, you realized Brendon was too immersed in his words to actually realize what he was saying.

“Freddie Mercury, Justin Timberlake--”

Startled at the ease that the same-sex names rolled off Brendon’s tongue with, your eyebrows shot up. You knew it!

“--Jessica Alba, and Scarlett Johansson.”

Wait, what? Both guys and girls? You were wrong about him being gay, then.

Almost right after Brendon finished speaking, he blanched. He clearly did not plan on telling you all those names.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” you reassured once you saw the confused look on his face, “Just sit down. We’ll talk through this.” You plopped down onto the couch, and waited for Brendon to join you. When he did, you continued, “So, you like boys and girls. That’s okay.”

He was quick to rebut, “No.” Then, he backtracked, “Wait, no. It is okay, it’s just not that...I’m not...” Tears started to appear in his eyes, and you could see the fear and sadness in them.

“Shh, shh. Come here,” you pulled him to you, and Brendon cried as quietly as he could into your shoulder.

Then, someone stomped onto the front porch.

Feeling your heart drop to your stomach, you quickly separated yourself from Brendon. “My bedroom is the last door to the right down the hall. I’ll get our stuff. Go now.”

Brendon looked scared, terrified to leave you behind. However, he knew waiting for you would only cause more trouble. Brendon left.

While moving faster than you could ever remember moving, you gathered Brendon’s and your backpack and books together. Your parents wouldn’t have been home for hours. There was only one person that could’ve been outside, drunkenly fumbling with the keys. It was Jordan.

You took off running.

Sadly, the farthest you could make it was halfway down the hallway. Your brother harshly threw you into a wall, sending everything you were carrying all over the place.

Jordan’s slurred shouts shook the house. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SHIT YOU PULLED TODAY?!?!!”

“I’m sorry! I’m sor--” you squeaked back.

He interrupted you, “NO, YOU’RE NOT! YOU LITTLE BITCH! I SHOULD FUCKING KILL--”

“STOP! STOP RIGHT NOW!” you screamed, but it wasn’t really at your brother. You made it seem so, but you were actually warning Brendon. You heard the freshman trying to open your door. You couldn’t let Brendon be another victim to what you were about to go through.

It was both good news and bad news that Jordan didn’t know Brendon was in the house yet. Good news, Brendon wouldn’t get hurt. Bad news, Jordan believed your trick that the words were meant for him. As bruises appeared on your arms, legs, and torso; your lips and tongue were cut up; and your left eye was blackened; you tried to keep your mind on the fact that Brendon had listened to you. He wouldn’t have to be a part of your torture.

Once Jordan felt he was done, he stumbled back out of the house, mumbling about going out with some of his friends. You stayed on the ground for a few moments, trying to calm down your breathing. Apparently, you took longer than you intended.

Silently, Brendon came out of your bedroom. He helped you to your feet, and into the bathroom. Suddenly, the roles from earlier in the day were reversed.

Brendon didn’t talk until he was a few minutes into cleaning your cuts. “Guess I know why you dropped my question from earlier.” His voice held no sarcasm or mockery.

That was probably why you broke down crying.

Brendon held you. Just like you did for him earlier that day, Brendon held you. You felt him duck his head down to your shoulder. The pressure of it made you smile through your tears.

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it! If you would like to read more, I have more fics on Panic! At The Disco over on my page, along with other fics on other fandoms. You should go check it out. Also, REQUESTS ARE OPEN. I take requests for one-shots, multi-chapters, headcannons, and preferences. No smut, please. I write for a variety of fandoms. If you’re wondering if I write for a specific fandom, please ask me. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you.<3

*Extended Ending*

Years went by, and you and Brendon shot up in the world. It seemed you blinked, and suddenly Brendon was one of the biggest singers in most of the world, and you were his wife. It took you both being eighteen to finally move out of your hometown, and get away from your brother. Also, over the years, Brendon got worlds more comfortable with his sexuality, and the both of your love grew.

“Baby, that was amazing,” you congratulated as your husband came off stage.

Brendon was still riding the high of his performance. So, he came right in and kissed you. One of his hands cupped your cheek, and the other snaked its way around your waist. He cut the kiss off with an exaggerated “MUAH! Thank you, my love!”

Smiling and laughing at the singer’s antics, you took your husband in. You couldn’t how far you both had come. You certainly far from being just the beaten girl and the bisexual. You pulled your husband away from the wings of the stage, eager to carry on your long, fulfilling, and exhilarating life with Brendon Urie.

#panic! at the disco #panic! at the disco x reader #panic!#panic! x reader #p!atd #p!atd x reader #panic! at the brendon #panic! at the brendon x reader #brendon! at the disco #brendon! at the disco x reader #brendon #brendon x reader #brendon urie #brendon urie x reader

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