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wttt-dirus-work · 2 years

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Québec (Headcanon)

Québec, my province. Less population (8,576,595 in 2020) than New York City (8,804,190 in 2020), biggest province of the country by land.

She appeared when the French came in the Americas for the beaver fur under the name of “Nouvelle France” (New France). She knows the first thirteen colonies of the US, since after the fight between the French and Britain (Seventh Years’ War), she switched to the name The Province of Québec and became a British colony. I headcanon that she knows well New York and New Hampshire from her time with them as colony and as of today is kind of friendly with Maine (who speaks and understand French if they’re talking -> Acadian French is different than Cajun French, but still comprehensible if I try to understand despite the accent – kinda like when you try to understand an Irish accent-) and Vermont (maple syrup). She’s perfectly bilingual but hold a grudge towards English speaking people who refuse to learn French, or who understand French and refuse to speak it (cough, Ontario, cough, Alberta, Cough). She will talk with the provinces and territories solely in French, mostly because they never try to speak French when they visit her land, so why should she try when they are able to understand her? She mainly does it to make them understand how she feels when they keep being assholes to her.

She’s always cold (because of the three climates, subarctic being the biggest sized one, she’s feels as cold as Alaska, not warmer than 3 °C/-16°F in summer and at least -8°C/-22°F in winter and can go lower than -35°C/37°F, while staying around -3°C/-19°F during spring/fall) despite the population living mainly in the south of the province because of the “No Mans land” and continental climate similar to the northeast’s. She is salty to her government for the lumbering, and how they do nothing to protect the forest.

She doesn’t like people, kind of remember me of New York, but she will just not talk instead of getting into fights, except if it’s with Ontario or Alberta, or anyone about hockey. She’s mean but can be nice if you’re on her good side. She’s got a love/hate relationship with Ontario and doesn’t care about the other provinces/is chill with New Brunswick (who is bilingual too and speaks French despite his Acadian accent). She doesn’t really care about Saskatchewan, Manitoba and British Columbia and is in a truce-like friendship with Newfoundland, Prince Edward Island (PEI) and Nova Scotia (Newfoundland and Nova Scotia are the oldest in Canada). The “rivalry” concerning Alberta is mainly like Texas and Alaska’s relationship. She doesn’t really care about the west provinces and their problems towards her, which is mainly due to malformation concerning the money divided between the provinces (Alberta feels like she should get more for what she produces in oil, but Québec is the double of her population, so the latter consider it normal that she gets more money). Really, she just want to protect her culture and language.

Against all odds, she has friends: Nunavut -who she can relate for how their government treated their Natives and could understand why Nunavut wanted his own government who was closer to their people- and some of the Northeast states. Since New York buys her electricity from Hydro-Québec (more than a 100-year-old contract!), I headcanon that she and New York would at least talk to each other, and since they know each other from centuries before, I believe they would be good friends. They’re not always fighting like the rest of the Northeast, and I think New York would like Poutine (it’s literally French fries, cheeses curds and brown sauce) and Beavertail (the dude has a thing called Garbage plate, the bar is so low it’s in the ground). As for Vermont, who’s also buying power from her, they bonded over Maple Syrup (Québec is the main producer of the world) and how the real stuff is way better than the cheap from the market (we literally call it sirop de poteau, post syrup). Concerning Maine, he was literally called Little Canada by the Québécois immigrants who fled the depression. Due to the numerous towns/city close to St. Lawrence River, and La Gaspésie, there is some popular seafood closer to Québec city, so they definitely bonded over that.

As of sports team, she loves hockey (they all do) and the Habs is her team (New Brunswick support them because he feels kind of sad for her being alone with most of the maritime provinces rooting for the Maple Leafs/local teams). She doesn’t really care about the other sports but will fight anyone saying the Senators/Maple Leafs/Flyers/Bruins are better. She had horses for some time, but then moved north after Canada becoming a country to help her Native nations despite the way her government tried to annihilate them. She only come down south during the elections times/meeting with the government and when she spends time with the Maritime’s or New York.

Québec is the tallest province (6’7), and only Nunavut beat her in size (7’). Alaska is bigger than her (6’10), but smaller than Nunavut. She got white skin pink in the face/extremities from the cold, some muscle from cutting wood, dark brown hair usually tied in Dutch braids and sky-blue eyes, like her flag. She wears fluffy earmuff (help to muffle the sound in the cities) or a white toque (beanie, guys, for us a toque is a beanie), she got a Habs shirt under a blue flannel (which she sometimes switches for a red one), ripped light jeans and pairs of rainbow runners/converse (wink Montreal wink). She will wear boots in winter, don’t worry (it must be under -30°C/-34°F, like for me lol). She will complain about the snow/cold in jokes, just because she can, but she would never switch it for tornadoes, fire season, earthquakes, hurricanes, alligator, etc.

Here you can see her waving towards someone she knows and is kind of fond of. Is it a Northeast state? Is it New Brunswick or the Maritimes? Who knows. But I can guarantee you, it’s not the west. Honestly, it’s probably New York.

Fun fact about Québec : It's pronounced "kay-beck", not "kwah-beck", honestly, it's a personal pet-peeve. Also, we invented Poutine, and if the other provinces try to pass it as their making, they didn’t, they are big liars who lie. It was made in Drummondville, by Jean-Paul Roy in 1964. It’s not “Poo-t-ine”, it’s “poo-tsin”. If you don’t pronounce it with the “-tsin”, you’re saying it wrong; I don’t make the rules. And if you come here, we won’t hate you because you’re black/Asian/another ethnicity; we will hate you if you don’t speak French. And not France French (you won’t understand anything from us), Québec French. Acadian French is good if your accent isn’t that bad (also Cajun French is something else, like you saw with International Canada (Kallmekris) in that sketch, but I personally can understand it well), it’s like that saying: A French speaking (francophone) person in Montreal who speaks English is a bilingual, and English speaking (anglophone) person there who speaks French is a fucking miracle. Don’t take it personal, as I said before, it’s linked to our history. Oh, and we do swear a lot, but there’s gradation : Tabarnak is worse than Calisse or Esti, like fuck off is worse than damn. And saying fuck here is nothing vs our swears, it doesn’t hold the same importance than an Esti de Calisse de Tabarnak; we also use them as verbs and can accord them as nouns too.

Most of us doesn’t believe in Church while we can be Christian (look up Québec’s Bill 21 for more information towards our relationship with religion) or are polite with it and won’t force it in your face, and if you try to justify hating on other people because of your beliefs, we will judge you and won’t like you. Our way of life is kind of a mix between the Midwest and Northeast, in the “mind you own business” mindset for the latter, and the former, if you guys recall the Minnesota goodbye, yeah, we do that here (took me two hours at the door once, because my friend and I were still talking and unable to say goodbye) with also the being too nice, usually in the country, but not in the city (this is a generalisation, there’s always exceptions). From what I know, it’s mostly this way with the rest of the country, so I don’t think it’s a fun fact about the Province.

The more Cryptids we have (except for some locals stories; I have a few personals, just send a ask if you want to hear about it) is La Chasse-Galerie, some skinwalker, wendigo and Mugwump.

Oh, and most of the things about Alaska with cold/snow does apply to us, in majority. We do play the game of “am I on the road/guess the line” during winter and the spot the deer/moose in the rut season.

About her relationship with Cana, where I mentioned the mistake Cana made in the 80s:

Pierre E. Trudeau, the prime minister of the country at this time, knew René Lévesque, Québec’s Premier. They weren’t friends, especially after the referendum to make Québec a country, and when came the time to sign the Constitution in the 80s, to finalize Canada’s independence from the UK, Lévesque was excluded from the negotiations which took place on the night of November 4 to 5, 1981, called “Nuit des Longs Couteaux” (Night of the Long Knives). The National Assembly of Québec has never formally approved the law.

Concerning Cana and Québec, I think the latter is still angry at the Fed for not even informing her of it until it was signed, and it’s another reason we’re, as Québécois, pissed towards English people.

Masterpost here

#wttt canada #wttt quebec #welcome to the statehouse #welcome to the table #headcanon #wtttsh #wttt #ben brainard #Dirus think

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lemonthepotato · 1 year

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So I finished Helluva Boss today. I like to make notes when I consume a piece of media. I never said those notes were peak maturity. Far from.

Enter.

Two seconds in: holy shit is that MORDERCAI?? 😰😰😰😰 no wayyyyyyyy.

And that kids, is how you traumatise a class of kids. I mean, I know I’m meant to feel bad for… whatever her name is, but those poor children 😭

HELP I LAUGHED LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN SHE THAT KID GOT CHOKEHELD IM A MONSTER OMG. IM SORRY 😭 it was just so funny 2 me I’m so so sorry.

She’s kinda hot tho when she’s a demon. Ngl.

I need the furry wolf’s number. IMMEDIATELY. I am DOWN BAD.

Is that fucking… stock horror music? HAHAHA- no no I’m imagining it, but imagine if it was.

HES BRITISH. THE BATHTUB GUY IS BRITISH.

BRUH. HES DOWN BAD, EVEN AFTER THE SHIT HES STILL RAMBLING ON?? HIRE A HOOKER!! GOD ITS ALWAYS… certain types of… I’m Irish, okay?!?! It’s a personal attack on me!

HAHAHA. L. L MOXIE L. The family just died anyway that’s a fucking LlLlLlLlLlL.

Closing thoughts: give me the satanic wolfs number immediately. I am down bad rn.

Rating: 3/5.

It kept me entertained, and hooked.

Episode 2:

This song reminds me of a particular band, I just don’t know what. There’s a certain “style” that’s familiar to it. I don’t know what.

Yeah I just. I saw that exact thing coming. Something going wrong, and something going wrong fast.

Octavia is just like me except my dad hates me and is just as unstable as my mom.

Okay so here’s my question: his eyes. Uhhh, the British bathtub guy. I forgot. It’s full red, is that his iris? How huge is his range of vision? Because MINE? Hun-knee, I have visual snow syndrome and shit eyesight, I’m nearsighted, this British fucker- see I’m Irish so this is a personal attack on me.

If you become a demon when you die, are their kids biological or did they die too?… dark thought.

Is there another… character that isn’t Moxie? Because I don’t care to remember his name tbh. So I’ll call him ‘Not Moxie’.

Blitzo, Stolas, I get it mixed up. And I can’t tell who Moxie is and who… the other one is. Moxie has a high voice, right??? I don’t know. I’ll learn it eventually.

Imagine your dad loving you. Couldn’t be me. Ever. Now I’m shedding. Skin or tears? You decide. (I shed my skin when emotional, like a snake. HISSSS)

Thoughts: Poor Via.

Ranking: 3/5. I liked it, I guess.

Episode 3:

God damn it why are all the female demons so hot. Damn you episode. I mean, *ahem* hello senora. ;)

I think my favourite characters so far are uh… what’s her name? Something -ica, and uh…….. the asshole. What was his name? Is he Stolas or Blitzo? I keep forgetting. 😭

Can I call her Titanic? No reason. She just looks like a… Titanic. Surely there are kids called that. (Rereading this I had a reason for this but I don’t fucking remember what the fuck?)

Blitzo. Gotta remember that. Blitzo. Ok. I’ve got it.

…UH OH. IVE BEEN CAUGHT. HELP THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK CREEPED ME OUT OK IM SORRY FOR BEING A SIMP IM SORRY.

Overall thoughts: None.

Ranking: 5/5. It was my favourite episode so far.

Episode 4

Uh… I liked how the piano switched places just to fall on his head? Yeah this episode kinda was meh.

2/5.

Episode 5:

Yeah I didn’t care much for this either.

2/5. Maybe I’m not paying attention enough.

Episode 6:

Okay so Red girl (what I’ve been calling in my head) is called Millie.

“Ee-dough” it’s pronounced Eh-doe period. In Japanese, ‘e’ means the ‘eh’ sound.

Is that. I was right, that’s just House Of Leaves or whatever?? It’s not bad to use horror stock music just funny.

Ohhh, Stolas is the bathtub guy. I think I’m developing a sexual attraction to him. Not as much as I was down bad for Loona. And the other one. Ika. I’m calling her Ika. Wait, Verosika?

Episode 7:

Okay… I am now realising that Moxie and Millie are married. I’m kinda dumb.

Season 2:

Lmao M&M.

HELP STOP GASLIGHTING MOXXIE INTO THINKING HES FAT EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO HIM SHHSHSHS

Ah yes, the angel dust treatment. “Harder.”

Bro the pain of someone typing and then not responding.

Ok… why is season one episode 8 only out now? Huh? I don’t understand… (I checked the desc, nvm my words)

The mean girls reference XD.

I’ve heard of holding your breath, but not under honey?

The more I hear Kesha-

You: Her name is Beelzebub

Me: Anyway Kesha

The more I hear her, the more I might develop a Keshaccent. She’s cool but she seems like the kind of girl who would’ve bullied me for being autistic in high school.

So this takes place after uh… what happened again? I forgot. The night at the… lust club? Yeah whatever I forgot. Obvious from the start, just forget what exactly happened… anyway, how the fuck can Blitzo DIE ALONE?! HES IN HELL! You need a cold shower man…

Overall thoughts: I liked it. I’d give it a 7/10. I thought I wouldn’t like it, but I also thought that about XRA… I liked some characters, and even the ones that are like- beyond horrible people (like stella) I found entertaining to watch at the very least.

Pro’s:

- I liked the characters relationships with each other in various episodes. It made for comedic, or sometimes sad situations.

- I rarely found myself bored.

- It was pretty okay.

Cons:

- Some of the humour bordered on whiplash. Going from an emotional scene to comedic can be… really distracting. It wasn’t too much of an issue. I guess it’s intended as comic relief. Some of the humour was also immature which can throw some people off but I didn’t mind, I like vulgarity.

- Honestly, I can’t think of much else to critique. It was pretty good. It just didn’t impress me, or wow me, or make me feel much other than ‘oh, that’s sad’ or ‘oh, that’s funny’. But that’s okay.

Edit: I forgot to watch the pilot episode… and a new episode dropped today. So yeah, did that, been there. It’s been there did that, not… did that been- ugh why do I care about the semantics of this?

#lemons random rants #helluva boss #lemons first impressions

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amplesalty · 2 years

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Halloween 2022 - Day 22 - The Banana Splits Movie (2019)

The show must go on The show must go on Inside my heart is breaking My makeup may be flaking But my smile, still, stays on

Earlier this year there was quite a stir when a trailer came out for a movie called Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey which depicts the titular bear and his bestest pal Piglet as they turn into homicidal maniacs. Quite a drastic turn for Disney, you may suggest, but no. For this was the work of British director Rhys Frake-Waterfield, something afforded to him by Disney apparently not keeping up on their copywright law lobbying when the first Winnie the Pooh book slipped into the public domain in early 2022. Frake-Waterfield wasted no time in cashing in on the novelty of turning this beloved childhood character into a bloodthirsty killer. But, that movie is still on the horizon, with many predicting it would come out this month but I can’t seem to find any info on when it does release. So, what are we to do in the meantime? Well, this wasn’t the first to take child friendly characters down a dark and twisted path...

For back in the space year 2019 we had the actual fully licensed and official release of The Banana Splits Movie, not some crazy fan movie or weird technicality, this is absolutely 100% endorsed. I remember seeing it on TV as a kid, maybe on something like Cartoon Network or something but the theme thing came straight into my head after reading the name again.

It feels very apt to frame this as a backup choice of movie because it feels very much like the sloppy seconds of some producer who desperately wanted to make a movie based on Five Nights at Freddy’s but maybe got turned down or couldn’t afford it. Why pay the big bucks for a franchise like that when you can just throw a bone at any dormant childrens show from the 60’s and get mostly the same affect? There’s a movie that came out last year as well called Willy’s Wonderland which very much follows the same model of killer animatronic mascots but, despite having Nicholas Cage in it, I went with this due to it being a proper show in it’s own right and the potential that could bring.

Which doesn’t really pan out because they don’t even attempt to pull a bait and switch on it. I imagine there are numerous legal and ethical reasons you couldn’t try and present this as a kids movie, only to pull back the curtains to reveal the depravity of a bunch of killer robots, but that idea just amuses me in that ‘stealth twist’ sort of way where you could trick someone into watching it. Granted I knew from the outset what the gimmick was here but they it abundantly clear what they’re going for from the outset, with teased jumpscares and showing there’s something off about these robots from the outset.

The human cast member as well is shown to be a massive douchebag who is drinking backstage during the show so it’s kinda going for this Death to Smoochy type thing of being this nice guy on screen but an asshole off screen but it doesn’t really go anywhere since he’s one of the first people killed off. Plus, if anything, that kinda paints the robots as the good guys in that he’s getting his comeuppance. Given that this is towing a slightly more serious line than you’d think, it doesn’t really make sense to me that you’d want to elict sympathy for the killers and effectively have people cheer for them killing someone. Maybe have they kill a few innocent people first to really get the shock factor in.

The timing and context of the first kill feels off to me too. It’s very heavily implied that they kill this TV executive first who has cancelled the show but we find out later they’d just kidnapped him. Then they kill the other guy after he tells them about the cancellation and how he’s glad because he always hated working on the show. They’re already show to have turned evil or gone haywire or whatever so it takes away any other potential explanation. Like, if they’d gone crazy purely because of the cancellation, that’s more interesting because it throws in the possibility that they’re a lot more complex than you would think, maybe they’ve developed more human like emotions and don’t know how to cope with being told that their very reason for being is over, that they’ll no longer be able to go out and perform for their adoring public. Part of their programming is ‘the show must go on’ which they do take very litereally and the finale is that they’ve rigged up another form of the show that they seem to want to play out in front of a captive audience forever more, but that never really felt that was the reason they were doing it, more a coincidence or a warped interpretation of their now twisted programming.

The movie does feel a bit low budget and just oddly quiet, like this is meant to be a big TV taping so you’d think there’d be people running all over the place but the whole thing is pretty chill. And I swear the human characters in the movie display far less emotion than any of these robots. Even when they discover they’re in the middle of a murder spree, most of them can barely raise their voice.

youtube

I say it’s low budget, clearly someone had some money knocking around because what I thought was a cheap Fallout Boy soundalike doing the theme song actually is Patrick Stump.

The robots do bring some fun to the occasion though with their stock voice clips. There’s a great moment when one of them does this magic trick that involves cutting this guy in half for real in front of his fiancé. Whilst she looks on horrorfied as the box is pulled away and the guys guts flop onto the floor, this robot just jazz hands and shouts ‘Ta da!’. Amazing.

For the first hour or so the movie feels like a bit of a drag but it definitely picks up in the last third, the mum of the group basically goes into full mama bear mode trying to save her kids and, after snagging her jumper on part of the set, takes it off to go full vest only mode like the true kick ass ladies of our time such as Ripley, Laurie Strode or Sarah Connor.

There’s an interesting scene in there where the robots force two adults to run an assault course of sorts, the kinda you get on kids TV where you call in slime, have to jump in ball pools or have pies thrown out you. It shines this whole other light on it, if it’s cruel and unusual for these robots to force these guys through it then why are we doing it to the kids?

And there’s a oddly horrifying scene where, whilst trying to look for some other members of the group, some of the characters come across this pile of bodies from the other crowd members who didn’t get to stay behind to meet the cast. Whilst not really a twist in the traditional sense, it does change your perspective on the whole situation. Like these guys who have been stuck backstage with these killers robots, the entire time they’ve gone from being the lucky ones who won the prize to meet the Splits, to being the unlucky ones who are now fighting for their lives and they would have been so much better off if they’d just got out with everyone else. Only, now we can see at least they’re still alive. Plus it’s just a very intense visual from a movie which is always veering to and fro between comedy and horror. It truly sells what a threat these guys are when they’re not goofing around or making puns whilst they smack people in the heads with giant hammers.

I think I kinda grew to like this by the end. It’s very stock and cliché and doesn’t always make a lot of sense throughout, like the one main kid seems to waver between thinking the show is real and knowing it isn’t. Plus, he sometimes will catch on to this other kid who is just pretending to like the Splits to humour him and call them out for not knowing stuff, but then completely ignore it at other times. So maybe this kid is just stupid, I dunno. The finale, whilst nothing amazing in and of itself, definitely gives it some points and just the novelty of having the Banana Splits involved saves it. I can’t imagine being as graceful towards it if these were all original characters. Maybe that Nick Cage movie is better but this one makes an adequate substitute whilst you’re waiting for that Five Nights at Freddy’s movie.

#Halloween 2022 #The Banana Splits Movie

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what-ever-happened-to-chip · 2 years

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Camp Life

J hated to admit this to himself but he was missing Harry. He just saw Lana and Marcus, and J, this J hung out with them and it was fun. But he couldn’t scratch the feeling of saying asshole things in his head about them or inside jokes only harry would get.

J let out a disgusting scream that made three birds drop out of flight and Gippal actually sit up from a nap. Fuck it he was going to see him.

He walked in the room. Harry, of course, was sitting in front of all their monitors. Main one was being fixed on Aiden, Gray, Yuna and Natsu smoking weed and doing really stupid accents at each other. Yuna was doing her best british one now. Why the fuck do stoners think its so funny to do that shit. J immediately regretted coming in here. Harry looked over briefly then fully turned his chair. Almost as if he couldn’t believe it was actually J.

“Well well well look who decided to come back for some Harry booboo loving.”

Yep this was definitely a mistake. J shaked the urge to knock those stupid fuckin glasses off Harrys smug ass smile. J instead shot his eyes to the screen as Aiden was doing a very racist chinese accent. Fuck did J just think something was racist? Who was he anymore?

“Move over, I don't want to watch this shit.” J sat in his spinning chair.

“Yea they are really fucking annoying, ooooo lets see what Marcus and Lana are doing!” Harry didn’t wait for a reply before switching to them

Lana was sitting smoking reading a book to Marcus as he had his head on her lap.

‘And especially the reason your having it at home. This place is made to order for you. The service is good and heres plenty of hot and cold running ghosts. What can be more convenient?’

Lana paused her reading to put out her cigarette, and closed the book, keeping her thumb as a marker.

“I think Zooey is right that Franny isn’t really having a meltdown like not a huge giant one. Its more a planned one. Almost like she wants to heal from whatever shes going thru so she goes to the safety of her home to try and work thru it, ya know?

“Oh my dear I believe that Franny is perfectly in the know that to have these thoughts they must be thought in a controlled environment and must be—”

J hit the mute button. Harry shot him a look of pure hatred. “BOO-ZIE WHY DID YOU MUTE IT? Harrys hand reached over to unmute but J grabbed it his hand.

“NONONONO I don’t want to watch fucking Marcus and Lana contemplate stupid fucking books I don’t give a fuck about. I don’t want to watch stoners be fucking losers, I need something else I want to watch literally anyone else, I rather watch FUCKING Zuko more then this shit.”

Harry was staring at the screen as Lana reopened book and read with Marcus smiling with a content look up at her with his eyes closed. Harry sighed, he really wanted to keep watching but his want to keep J here overrode that. “Well then fine who are we gonna watch?”

J sat and thought a while, he couldn’t believe he was saying this but he went with Tifa.

Harry switched cameras and sunk back in his chair sulking “Well this is gonna be really fucking dumb.”

Tifa was in the kitchen doing the constant dishes that were always there humming to herself. It was really surprising they never got a dishwasher after all this time. J assumed it was because Itachi wanted them to do some manual labor. Gaara was sitting on table colouring with some oatmeal by him, that presumably Tifa fed him. He was 16 eating with a fuckin plastic airplane spoon.

“Mommy look!” Gaara held up the drawing of him and her holding hands drawn in style of a 6 year old.

“Oh hunny thats so good!” Tifa wiped her hands clean and went to hang it on the fridge. In her head she had a moment of pride for how much Gaara loved her. On other hand she also could be honest with herself that this is really all she had anymore was taking care of all the kids in camp or least ones with mindset of children. Unconsciously she held her stomach most likely wishing she could carry a child.

“J this is boring, what a dumb bitch, WAAAA I WANT A BABY. Dumb Cunt.”

J’s eye twitched this was really fucking boring but he couldn’t have Harry winning. They watched another 5 mins of this exchange of Tifa spoon feeding Gaara, with Harry sighing heavily in background. J cleared throat “Okay well lets switch to Sasuke and Aerith”

“Wow dumb bimbo time greeeaaaattttt” Harry clicked away. In his head he was a bit happier least Sasuke was funny and not a dumb cow like Tifa.

Sasuke sat on the bed with Aerith cuddled up to him. Harry perked up he had expected Sasuke playing video games and her glabbering about something stupid. Sasuke was even playing with her hair, Harry’s dick twitched slightly with hope of cutsey wootsy stuff he loved.

“So like I was saying Final Fantasy XV is okay, like I enjoy the open world play but fuck the story is annoying. Luna is such a boring cunt its obnoxious.”

“But she’s so prettty Sasuke!”

“Nobodys pretty but you.”

At this Aerith let out her super fucking annoying giggle. J was so bored of all the other fucks in camp though he actually thought it was cute. Harry however did not.

“She sounds so annoying, HEEHEE(Harry doing a bad imitation of her) thats what she sounds like.” Harry looked at J expecting a laugh and not getting one made him try to think of something to get J to laugh

“I mean who does she think she is– “

“Harry shut up I am watching”

Harry eyes went dark. And he randomly switched the screen, it happened to land on Squall who was busy cutting his fingernails very methodically in the bathroom.

“WHOOPSIE, Harrys bad.” He said this with a head back to back on his shoulders.

J looked over at him imagining Harrys head exploding with supreme glee.

“No way in fuck I am watching Squall, lets switch to Gippal”

In another life Harry woulda been overjoyed with being able to watch Gippal but he was so fucking over him. He let Harry down hard. He was so fucking boring now it made Harry want to erase his own mind of all the love he used to have for him.

“Okay J-zes fine.”

Gippal was perched up on the couch eating his signature bag of cheetao riffing with Zidane and Rikku.

“Man I just saying everything everywhere all at once hands down deserves oscar, shit with the buttplugs fucking classic.”

“I liked the bagel part” Rikku giggled reaching over to eat some of Gippals Cheetahs. “Hey Gippal look at me!” Rikku stuck two cheetos in her nose and snorted at him.

“Hey-yo little girls become a walrus.”

Zidane ran up and also grabbed some cheetos, “look at this shit tho!” Zidane stuck two in his eyes and made animal noises at them.

“Oh we bringing out big guns now!” Gippal opened up his eyepatch and stuck one in there.

They all proceeded to laugh, Harry however was not. He stared angry for them being so fucking stupid.

“This isn’t even funny J, they all such high losers.”

“Much funnier then fucking stupid accents.”

Harrys face darkened, and turned back to screen, “Okay Harrys turn now!!! Lets see mmmm how about back to Aiden, maybe he moved.”

Harry was wrong though they had not and laid in a cuddle pile on bed, with Yuna laying on Aiden, Gray on Yunas lap and Natsus at end of bed with feet over Grays. They were all laughing and passing a joint.

“Omg J watch this I gonna make Jenn walk in!” Before J could object Harry had stabbed in the potion and sat up straight watching the screen like a porno for a 14 year old boy.

Jenn proceeded to walk in. She stopped and had a look of utter disapproval seeing Yuna by HER boyfriend.

“Hey babe whats up, come here” Aiden reached his hand out with incredibly red eyes.

“Umm no thanks can I talk to you for a second?”

“Youre talking to me now.”

“Dude she needs a dick down, can’t be leaving your girl gushing like that.” Gray laughed way too hard at Natsu’s quip.

“Okay that is not what I want to talk about.”

Aiden heavily sighed and got untangled from bed. He grabbed Jenn hard by waist and kissed her while giving Gray a look of ‘yeah shes my fucking girl.’

J grabbed the mouse and switched to Joni who was holding hands with Noah on a walk.

“BOOBEAR that was about to get really good!”

“No it fucking wasn’t shut the fuck up dickweed.”

J looked with interest at the screen and Harry fought urge to change it back to Aiden

“Heres the spot” Noah gently lead Joni up a big rock that overlooked the water.

“Oh wow Noah this is so Pre-tah!” Harry really fucking hated how she put weird influctions on certain words but he would allow it for now.

Noah leaned over and kissed her forehead. He was very good at knowing Jonis moods and when it was okay to touch her and today was one of those days. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it for her.

“This reminds me of this place me, Jesse, Troy and (forgot other dudes name) used to go to swim!”

Noah giggled, and nuzzled his head against her hair. “Would you like to swim?”

“OMG yes!” She got up and stripped down to her underwear and he did the same. Joni ran into water still holding her cigarette and had grabbed her flask on the way too. About knee high she took a long drink and waved over to Noah for him to come in.

Noah smiled at her with a face of such awe at the person in front of him. Harry thought she looked like a dumb drunk but whatever this was at least kinda cute for him. J was really enjoying himself and had a look of interest at the scene. Maybe he should try to be friends with Noah, he probably could.

Noahs body was filled with scratches from last time he transformed. Harry was about to make a joke but looking over at J decided against it. Noah walked in water with Joni splashing at his direction. Ruining her smoke in the process. He walked past Joni and dived under the water.

“WEE” Joni exclaimed while just allowing herself to fall in the spot she was at. Coming out of water she went to go suck on the now ruined cigarette. She looked at it with a face of how the fuck did this happen. Noah approached her and carried her into the deeper water spinning her around.

“Omg J I should try to make him drown her!” J looked frustrated at Harry, he could never just enjoy something more then a fucking minute without saying something really fucking annoying.

“Lets just switch it.” Harry looked sad at J’s rejection of his really funny idea but just hit the shuffle button on the monitor.

The screen showed Christian sitting in his room. He was just sitting there staying at what looked like some stone. He appeared to be muttering to it.

“Turn up the sound I can’t hear him.” Harry complied and also zoomed in closer to Christian

“Yes very soon father you shall be free, and of course she will be too, the pawn is ready for his checkmate” Christian laughed his off putting disturbing way and moved the stone around in his hand.

“Yeah I am not watching Christian be a fucking weirdo no thanksies” Harry clicked shuffle button again. It landed on Aang jerking off so he hit it again for it to land on Cloud who was doing the exact same thing. “GOD DAMN IT” Harry exclaimed hitting the button even harder.

This time it landed back on Marcus and Lana.

“Oh wow look we back! YEAZIES! “ Harry clapped in the stupidest gayest way and looked longing at the screen. J was gonna fight it but was tired and just sat back with a sullen look.

Harry secretly took the vial of lovey gay serum from his sleeve and put it in the slot. Harry seemed to think nothing ever happened interesting unless he made it happen.

Lana and Marcus appeared to have fallen asleep in position Harry and J had left them with book fallen to side. Abruptly Lana woke up and rubbed eyes. She smiled down at Marcus and kissed his brow. He smiled and grabbed neck and moved her lips to his.

“AWWW J-zies look!!!”

“Yea they are kissing big fucking whoop”

“Shut up J its super cute!” He said cute with the voice of a 9 year old girl

“Sleepy butterfly eyes I see your fluttering.”

Lana smiled big and kissed him again. She picked up his head readjusted herself so she was laying by him. They were turned against each other holding hands. He had picked up the hands and was kissing hers.

“One, Two, Three, Four.” Lana counted the amount of times he kissed her hands. And giggled.

“Bleh this is so fuckin dumb I am changing it.”

“NO” Harrys yell startled Paine awake.

“Shut the fuck up I have a hangover.” Paine yelled

“You always have a fucking hangover” J yelled back

“Oh wow your back, thank fucking god if I have to watch anymore of Harrys “friends” I gonna vomit.”

“I am not back, I just was-” J couldn’t think of anything to say so instead stood up, chair falling behind him. “Fuck this I going”

“ Fine suit yourself I will just have fun without you!” Harry made a triumphant hm hm smile and

Turned back to screen.

J slammed door behind him as paine went to dig for a new bottle. Harry looked towards door J had just slammed and for a moment had a sad look on his face before looking back at screen watching Lana undress Marcus’s shirt to kiss his chest.

#cheeseskittles

0 notes

allurese · 2 years

Text

The Science Project (part 2)

William Afton x Fem!Reader

{ cw! nsfw }

-----------------------------------------------------

It's been a week after your little "encounter" with Mr. Afton. You ended up getting a B on the project, since Michael ended up dropping it in the hallway and little pieces spilled everywhere, causing you both to lose some points. You couldn't help but think about Mr. Afton working so hard on that model with you and his ungrateful brat of a son just doesn't care, but of course, there's two sides to every story.

Maybe Michael wasn't such a bad kid. You don't know anything about his past. He might just have a hard time at home or something, you shouldn't judge someone whom you know almost nothing about.

Regardless, you were satisfied with the grade you got, and you were especially happy that you didn't have to argue with his disgusting mouth anymore.

But that caused a problem...

"Promise me you'll come see me again."

"I promise."

How were you going to see William again now that you aren't working on the project with his son anymore?

Now, you are 18. You have a car, and you technically can go wherever you want. Transportation is not the issue – what is the issue is what will happen if Michael sees you over there again.

You had science next class period, and you were willing to ask that asshole where he'll be after school, so you can figure out the perfect time of being there. You were hoping Michael was in an after school club, but considering his attitude, it's unlikely.

You were hoping you could figure something out soon.

-Time Skip: After School, 3:15 PM-

You were laying on your bed, clothes thrown all over the place as you rubbed your finger frantically over your clit. Though you were a huge switch, being either extremely dominant or extremely submissive, you always had the tendency to whimper when you were being overstimulated, but still, it felt so good to do it.

You're pushing down on the small bud – hard, too. Really hard. You were a whimpering mess. You typically put something in or over your mouth to keep yourself quiet, since your parents had cameras that also recorded audio in the house and you didn't want your moans to be heard by your parents.

You usually put a vibrator inside of you as you rubbed your clit, but you could never find your g-spot. You felt pathetic, you couldn't even find a pressure point inside of your own body and every other girl seemed to be able to. You hated degration, because of your relationship with your parents, but you always had some kind of insult to reiterate to yourself over and over, especially when it came to masturbation.

So, in simpler terms, you only used a vibrator as something for your soft walls to clamp around when you cum.

Eventually, as that coil inside of you began to tighten, you started to think of William. You thought of what he would say to you if you ever got the chance to have him pound inside of you. You thought about him calling you a "good girl" with that light, smooth British accent of his. You thought about him desperately rutting into you, panting as he squeezed his big, veiny hands around your neck. You thought of him being able to find your g-spot, and holding you tightly as you came the hardest you ever had in your life.

When that coil snapped, you absolutely lost it – and you knew it was because of your dirty thoughts about your classmate's dad. You were shaking so hard, your body twitching so violently you had almost no control over your body. With enough strength, you moved your arm to grab a pillow beside you. Biting your lip to contains your little moans and whimpers wasn't enough this time. Shakily, you put the pillow over your face and moaned like a pornstar would into it, whimpering occasionally, "Ohh, William.. please- pleeease. I-I'm cumming.. so.. hard.. I can't... I can't..."

You chanted his name like it was some sort of holy prayer. Your walls squeezed the dildo so hard, as if they were trying to milk it, suck everything out of it. Eventually, your body began to relax. Your pussy was still pulsing but you weren't shaking as much. Thinking of William before you orgasmed completely caused you to become completely tired out after your orgasm. The thought of him made you cum so hard, you could only imagine what it'd be like if you actually had him fuck you.

Finally, when your body completely relaxed, you pulled out your vibrator and turned it off. Your cunt gradually weeped out onto your bed sheets. You began to close your eyes, and you quickly fell asleep.

-The Next Day-

You were so grateful that it was the weekend. You've been busting your ass studying for finals which are coming up very soon, so you decided to treat yourself to dinner, dessert and some new clothes.

As you were shopping for clothes, you picked up a few shirts and a pair of skinny jeans. You honestly loved how you looked in all of them as you admired yourself in the mirror in your changing room. You thought that all of the clothes you picked out complimented your figure really well. You were really proud of the body you had.

As you were exiting the changing room, the men's section caught your eye. You always liked to briefly look around there, imagining yourself buying some clothes for the boyfriend you've never had.

How could an 18 year old, a senior in high school, never have a boyfriend? I'm a fucking loser. I'm an adult and I've never once had a boyfriend, I really must be ugly.. It took you some time, but you tried to tell yourself that your dating history does not define you as a person at all. You told yourself this whenever you had these thoughts, but it never worked long term.

You pushed the thoughts out of your head. You deserved a nice weekend, not a weekend full of self-doubt and more pressure to be better than you already are.

"Attention shoppers, the store will be closing in ten minutes. Please make your final selections and pay at the front register."

You decided you were going to start making your way up to the front.

But before your even took your first step there, you felt a hand wrap around your neck, pulling your body against whoever was behind you, but they weren't choking you. At least, not hard enough that you couldn't breathe.

Nevertheless, you started to panic. You felt your knees go weak, your heart raced. You started to feel nauseated, the same feeling you got when you were with your father.

"If I remember correctly, you made a promise to come visit me..."

And you swore your heart stopped.

That voice, that accent, and the hot breath you felt against your neck.. you knew who it was.

"W-William-!" you gasped. You tried to turn your head to look at him, but the grip on your neck was holding you in place.

"What did I just say? You made a promise to come visit me," his voice was more angry than before.

"I-I know, William, a-and I'm sorry. I just didn't want to show up with Michael there and have him catch us. A-And aren't you still married??"

When you said that last sentence, you felt the grip he had on your neck become a little tighter. You gasped softly and felt a warmth pooling between your legs.

Suddenly, William grabbed your wrist and started to drag you behind him as he stormed towards the back of the store.

"William, where are we-?"

"Bathroom. Now."

-----------------------------------------------------

hey guys! i'm glad you requested a part 2, this was really fun to make. sorry if the spaces between paragraphs are uneven. i tried to make this one a bit shorter and more straight to the point then part 1. let me know what you think. <3

#william afton #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #william afton x reader #liss-aa #non canon #william afton fanfic #william afton 18+#the science project

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soulmate-game · 3 years

Text

Curiosity Killed the Exorcist

“And then, see here? You have to be on the lookout for subtle signs like these. This indicates that he’s…” Marinette nodded as Tim continued explaining, pointing out various body language and other clues out on the Batcomputer. It had only been about six months since the Batfam collectively adopted the little ladybug into their menagerie of heroes, and started teaching her deductive habits and skills. She would not allow them anywhere near Paris on pain of death (some of them had already tried, and Bruce was still recovering from the bruise to his ego. The bruise on his ass from being teleported out of the city and onto the stone of the Batcave was gone, though) but she welcomed any help they could give from within Gotham’s city limits.

Usually, at least in the beginning, they did their mentorship at a distance over video call. But then Tim found out her identity, and Marinette made the excuse of wanting to meet with them in person to gauge their trustworthiness for herself and erase their memories of her identity if they failed her test— and, well, it all snowballed from there until she was teleporting to the Batcave every few days for detective lessons. She was practically a Bat herself, if not for her out of theme codename. And she found herself surprisingly comfortable with the thought of them being a… very eccentric extended family.

Tim was flipping to another saved video in the Batcomputer archives to show another example of his current lesson, when Tikki flew up to Marinette in a hurry. She was holding Kaalki’s glasses. The little kwami whispered something in Marinette’s ear, instantly making the teen blanch and force on the glasses.

“Sorry Timmy, gotta cut this short! I’ll come back tomorrow to make up for it! Okay? Okay! Awesome, you’re the best, bye!” She ignored all of Tim’s protests and rapid fire questions, instead opening up a portal and jumping through it as fast as humanly possible. The portal has barely disappeared before an all-too-familiar voice rose up from behind Tim.

“Maybe I’m still drunk, ‘cause I could’a sworn I just saw a portal closing in the damned Batcave, of all places,” the British-accented drawl was accompanied by the flick of a lighter and accompanying fizzle of a flame. Tim groaned, mentally making a note to ask how in the world Marinette had known that John “Annoying asshole” Constantine was showing up soon, and if he could be in on the warning next time. Bruce, cowl still off, walked over from where he had been sparring with Damian and crossed his arms. He had also heard Marinette’s hasty exit, and made a few mental notes of his own before focusing on the exorcist in front of him.

“What do you want, Constantine?” he grumbled. Any time the blond brit showed up, things only got far more complicated than he ever enjoyed. And he always gave Bruce a migraine, to boot.

“Two things actually, Batsy,” John held up to fingers as his free hand tucked his lighter away in his pocket. His unlit cigarette stayed in his mouth though, probably just for the familiar feel of it. “One; I’m gonna need you to tell me why there was a portal closing when I walked in, because I’ll be honest. The implications there are way more interesting than what I came here for in the first place.”

“None of your business. What’s the second thing?” Bruce immediately shot him down, but John was not one to be deterred. He never fucking was.

“But you hate magic! You make sure I know that all too bloody well every time I pay you a visit, so why the sudden change in heart? Huh?”

“Drop it, Constantine. What. Do you. Want?”

“Fine, fine. I need your help with…”

— * — * — * — * — *

A week later, Marinette was sitting with Jason and Damian in one of the manor’s sitting rooms, the three of them just minding their own business and silently enjoying one another’s presence. Even if two of them would never admit it. Jason was reading Jane Eyre for the millionth time, Damian was leaning against Titus on the ground as he sketched, and Marinette was embroidering a sunhat. Unfortunately for her, Alfred the Cat was currently asleep on her lap and thus holding her hostage.

Even as Tikki flew up to her ear in a panic and whispered, making Marinette prick herself with her needle. She hissed for a second but shrugged off the familiar pain, much more concerned with whatever news Tikki had given her. Damian and Jason were already on high alert from the second that a whispered curse had left her lips, and were staring straight at her and her kwami and Marinette frantically tried to find a way to get up without awakening the cat sleeping on her.

“Uh, what’s wrong?” Jason asked, feeling thoroughly confused and left out. On one hand, he knew that if they were in physical danger she would have moved Alfred the Cat without hesitation. On the other, he did not like the sheer amount of anxiety he could see her experiencing. Marinette’s frantic eyes shot over to him, pupils mere pinpricks and hands mouth agape as she tried to form some sort of plan.

“Uh— “

“Ah! You must be the fair maiden that the Bats are comfortable with using magic around them,” John goddamned Constantine threw the door to the sitting room open wide, making it bounce off of the wall and lightly smack back against his shoulder. He ignored it as he grinned at the three younger people in the room, waltzing in casual as anything. He wagged a finger at her playfully. “I’ve been awfully curious about you, ya know? Brucie boy knows a shit ton of magic users, but he never likes seein’ any of us do our thing. And to not only allow you to teleport without any apparent discomfort but to actively protect your identity from me? Now that’s a damn accomplishment and I really gotta applaud you for it,” he mockingly clapped his hands a few times. “So what’s your secret, huh? I won’t tattle.”

“No thanks. Kaalki, a little help?” Marinette carefully pushed Alfred the Cat off of her lap before diving into the portal that Kaalki whipped up for her, the entire process happening so fast that Constantine couldn’t even get out a proper “hey!” before she was gone and the portal closed. He just nodded, hooking his thumbs in his pockets.

“Ya know what? Fair. That’s fair.”

“Goddamn it, Constantine!” Jason threw up his hands in frustration. “Why the fuck do you have to scare away one of the only sane people in this family?”

“Part of my charm, little red riding hood.”

— * — * — * — * — *

“You know, I’ve been pretty damn nice not teleporting right over to you whenever you disappear. So why don’t you just tell me why you’re avoiding me now that we happen to be in the same room by complete accident, huh?” John asked from where he sat in one of Bruce’s lounge chairs sipping on a beer. Marinette mimed choking him, clearly fed up. He had been trying to have a conversation with her for the past three months, ever since that one time he caught the tail end of her portal closing in the Batcave. Three. Long. Months. And he hadn’t given up, because something about this little Parisian teenager intrigued him. She was sixteen, that much he had gathered from the Bats. But to be sixteen and not only in possession of the Horse miraculous but also clearly the Ladybugs, since he had seen Tikki more than once as well, now that was interesting.

Anybody being in the possession of more than one Miraculous was already cause enough to be keeping an eye on them, which was why he had been keeping an eye on the Paris situation and had pieced together on his own that the presence of Tikki meant that this little parisian teenager was none other than Ladybug herself. Now, that? That was a whole new level of concerning, especially since he knew firsthand that the old Grand Guardian was gone and passed his title down to— yeah, Ladybug.

After that deduction, his interest in Marinette had swiftly switched from curiosity to fuck-I-need-to-know-what’s-going-on-here. Because no kid should have to deal with that kind of weight, and Constantine always looked out for kids when he could.

But right then, Marinette was glaring at him. She had been just coming over for a normal “family” dinner with the Waynes, which she attended from time to time. And apparently they had decided to have Constantine already over so that they could chaperone a meeting between them that would hopefully appease the stupid british magic user enough that he left them all alone again until the next time he needed help.

“Believe me when I say, you’d rather not know,” she replied sharply, glaring Dick. He was the one who had convinced her to come despite her recent close calls with Constantine in the past few days. He studiously avoided her gaze. “I just would rather not cross your path, and there’s no reason for us to interact. Why do you care, anyway?”

“You see, now that is an excellent question!” he chugged the last of his beer and gestured to her with the empty bottle. “Normally, I wouldn’t give a flying rat’s ass. But I’ve put two and two together, since I know who Tikki is,” he nodded to the red and black Kwami. “And maybe I just wanna keep an eye on the new Grand Guardian to make sure she’s doin’ alright. That’s an awful lot of magic and responsibility that you don’t deserve, but I’m not about to try to take it away. Keepin’ an eye on you is the next best thing.”

“Try again,” Marinette shot back, crossing her arms. “You were interested in me before you learned about me being Ladybug.”

“I’m nosy, what do you want me to say? I saw a portal in Batman’s man-cave, I get curious. Sue me.”

“Well. I have Bruce and everyone else already watching out for me, so you can leave me alone now. If I need your help, I’ll make sure to ask every other magic user first before contacting you.”

“Woah, now what’s all this venom for?”

“Uh, maybe we should go and actually eat dinner?” Dick tried to step in, hands up. Constantine had stood up from the chair he was in, which was usually a cue to change the subject as fast as possible. “Before Alfred has to come get us?”

“Maybe I’ll be less venomous if you let the subject drop and leave me alone!”

“Context would be nice, though.”

“Seriously guys, let’s go! Food!” Dick was once again ignored.

“Context is the last thing you need in this situation,” Marinette’s voice was suddenly soft, her arms dropping to her sides. “We’ve had this conversation so many times in so many now-deleted timelines. Just drop it this time.”

“If those timelines are now-deleted, then I obviously don’t remember what’s so bad about telling me why you’re acting like I’m some hated family member you’re avoiding!”

Silence.

Pure. Fucking. Silence. As they all watch with front row seats as Marinette flinches at the word ‘family’.

Pure silence as Constantine’s shoulders drop at the sight of her flinch, realization slapping itself on his face.

“No.”

“See? I fucking knew you would— that this would happen. This always happens, you always hate finding it out, but you’re so— so stubborn!” Marinette was blinking away tears, digging in her pockets and bringing out Kaalki’s glasses. “You’ll drop it now, at least. You always do.”

“Now what is that supposed to mean?” Constantine rubbed his forehead, still trying to sort through his amalgam of emotions. Marinette just shook her head, turning to Kaalki.

“Do you mind showing Monsieur Constantine the way out, Kaalki? I’ll grab you a load of sugar cubes afterward.”

“No, wait, hang on a second!”

A portal opened up under him, making John “Stubborn Idiot” Constantine drop ten feet down onto the hardwood, polished floor of his house. His bruised tailbone would take a while to heal, but his frazzled mind was by far the more concerning development. He staggered to his feet, reaching for the nearest bottle of tequila.

“Ugh, fuck my damn life.”

— * — * — * — * — *

“Marinette..?” Damian nudged the girl with his shoulder, frowning. It was after dinner that same day, and as much as he hated to admit it he had grown to actually like having her around. She was a good friend to have. And seeing her slumped back on one of their sofas, sketchbook covering her face and not a single rambling conversation to be had or heard? It was very concerning. She just made a groaning sound to answer him, prompting his frown to deepen. “Are you alright?”

“I just can’t believe that such a sweet, adorable thing like you is half made up of Constantine’s genes,” Jason mused bluntly from the opposite couch, where he tossed a rubber ball up and down out of boredom. “But now I see where you get all of your Disaster Bi-ness from.”

“Shut uuuuup,” She groaned, chucking her sketchbook at him. He caught it in midair, replacing his rubber ball with it and tossing it up and down in the air. “I’m just frustrated. This timeline is still perfectly stable, so I can’t erase it. And I can’t exactly ask ‘hey, can someone commit a horrid atrocity that makes this timeline split from the main one so that I can erase it and we can start over from four months ago?’ because that would be horribly irresponsible of me. But seriously, Jason. If you’re gonna ever commit, like, city-wise arson? I’d probably condone it right now if only so I have an excuse to use time travel to get out of this situation.”

“Not committing arson unless you give me a better reason for it, Pigtails.”

“Damn.”

“But are you okay?” Damian asked again, seeing as she had completely ignored him.

“I’m fine, Damian,” she finally sighed. “And I know how this is gonna go. He’s going to totally ignore me now, until we meet during some magical crisis and he only interacts with me when necessary. Then he pretends we never met, we have a private little one-sided whisper-argument about how he will never make a good father figure and I would be better off leaving him alone, blah blah blah. Avoidance is a coping mechanism I guess I inherited from him.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I’m trying to bite that in the bud then, eh?” Marinette startled out of her sitting position, seeing John stumble into the room…

Drunk off his ass. But apparently still at least mildly coherent.

“I agree with deleted-me’s, I’m not gonna be a dad. Not me,” he tripped, landing on his still-bruised ass and hissing in pain before continuing from the floor; “So if you’re looking for another Daddy dearest, that ain’t me.”

“See, I knew this is how you’d—”

“Let me finish,” he interrupted. “I don’t know how long the booze is gonna last and I need it’s courage here. ‘Kay? ‘Kay. Where was I? Right. But I know magic, ya know. The kind that doesn’t rely on little bobblehead gods to do. I got— like, a million books. Shit ton of books. At my place. Ya can read ‘em. My books. At my place. But I ain’t gonna parent, but I can lend ya books. Maybe give magic advice. Teach a little. Little bit. Didn’t think I’d have a child, but apparently I do and she’s the fuckin’ grand guardian and a damn hero, and I don’t know how the fuck I was able to help make someone like that. But whatever, it’s not like the world’s ever fuckin’ been easy on me,” He pulled out a sample-sized bottle of whiskey from one of the pockets on the inside of his trench coat and chugged it. After a brief wince and hiss at the burn, he kept rambling. “My door’s open, is what I’m tryin’ to say. No guarantee I’ll be in any state to talk to when you walk through it, but it’s open.”

Deciding to steadfastly ignore the tears streaming down her face, Marinette just swallowed thickly and nodded.

“I, uh. I think I can work with that.”

John barely made it to the nearby bin in time to vomit into it.

— * — * — * — * — *

I hate my imagination sometimes, guys. I started imagining a convo between Mari and Constantine at like 4am and it wouldn't leave me alone until I got it down. but by the time I wrote it, I kinda forgot like 60% of the original convo and just winged it. And this was born. I 100% blame @multifandomscribette because their Bio!dad John Constantine headcannons are amazing and even though this isn't in that universe, those headcannons are exactly what inspired this. So blame them, lol.

#dc x mlb #ml x dc #mlb x dc #maribat fanfic #maribat #maribat fic #miraculous ladybug x dc #bio!dad John Constantine

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not-the-nice-thing · 4 years

Text

BIG MOUTH S4! BEING A KID IS HARD!

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Hey, so instead of doing my homework I spent the afternoon watching the new season of Big Mouth. I decided to make notes while watching and I think it’s only right that I share them.

* Gotta love the representation, glad they introduced a trans character and dealt with the storyline well

*Camp Councillor Harry is so British it’s perferct

* Tito the anxiety mosquito is such a mood, that’s really how it feels for me when I’m panicking

* I hate Seth, complete shit head

* That heavy period Jessie got was something every girl has experienced (also I’m super scared of using tampons too)

* Jay and Lola are super cringy but then I’m slightly dying of laughter

* Andrews shit was super scary and I wanted to puke

* Jessie and Natalie’s friendship is so fucking beautiful

* I. LOVE. COACH. STEVE.

* I feel super bad for Jessie, moving to a new school is hard

* FUCK U DEPRESSION KITTY

* Andrew and Nick are fucking nonces (Andrew possibly more but he’s always been creepy)

* I need Cafeteria Girls to be a real show

* Connie riding on a wave off discharge is iconic

* Jays reaction to Lola’s stepdad being a terrorist 👌

* Missy struggling with her identity breaks my heart but then she breaks the forth wall and I die

* Devon singing about code switching was cool cause I learned all about it last year in English language

* Matthew was a complete dick to Coach Steve about 9/11

* KEEP. TALKING. BOUT. RACE. ISSUES. PLEASE.

* Michael Angelo is an asshole

* Connie broke up with Nick 😭😭😭😭

* Adult Nick is such a fucking bitch boy

* Cum diapers 😂

* The sex cult was the best thing that whole episode

* GLOBAL WARMING IS A THING PEOPLE!

* Women like to pleasure themselves, get over it boys

* The kingdom analogy was just perfect

* “It’s Adam and Eve, not Chuck and Larry” 😂

* Spunk history needs to be a thing

* Aidan and Matthew are officially my favourite couple, thanks for the lesson boys

* The Glouberman method was scarring

* Michael Angelo is a piece of shit, what an abusive (brace for it) cunt

* Blue balls < free tampons

* Guys shouldn’t get so defensive, penises are funny

*Damn child divorce is more crazy than child marriage

* WE ALL BLAME BRITTANY

* Why the fuck are u trying to fuck your cousin at your grandpas funeral, Andrew?

* I could seriously kill Matthews mother (homophobic bitch)

* SHES CRYING! DONT KISS HER NICK! FFS!

* Matthew has the voice of an angel, his song is officially my favourite of this season

* I’m glad Jessie is moving back home but her saying goodbye to her mum just got to me

* JESSIES THERAPIST IS A (TOAD) FROG WONAN I LOVE THIS

* Drugging kids? Nice one sorority girls

* Recreating SAW? noice

* Lola you fucking bitch! HOW DARE U REJECT JAYS CONFESSION OF LOVE LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!

* Fuck the pillows are back!

* Downward dick

* Damn Missy’s voice change is adorable

* Nicks a lost soul 🥺🥺🥺

* Gotta love the gratiToad

* Awwwwwwwwwww Lola does love Jay yeah!

* Connie as Beyoncé? That’s a concept that I can get behind

* Matthew came out to his dad, that’s the supportive attitude parental we need

* My only thought when watching the Nick Birch vs Nick Starr battle was “when is Andrew gonna get a good character arc?”

* Yas Lola! Girl power!

* Damn Nick accepting himself got me all emotional

So yeah, I hope you like my notes. I liked that this season really tackled some big issues that kids, as well as adults, face. I loved it and now I can’t wait for the next season (my hopes are super high). If you want, start a conversation in the comments. Bye for now!

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protecticarus · 4 years

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Hi! I just wanted to say that I love your fics, they’re absolutely amazing. Anyway... bit of an odd request but can I get an angsty fic where Dirk realizes he’s in love with Todd? (and proceeds to do nothing about it) The amount that I kin Dirk might be a little concerning, and the amount that I associate my best friend of four years with Todd (and they agree) might be a bit concerning. Especially since I just figured out... whoops, I’m in love with them! (and let me tell you it HURTS) I’m almost 100% sure feel the same they’re just not at an emotionally stable point for me to tell them. (you know, much like Todd) So I know it seems a bit silly and weird, but I think it might help me cope a bit to see Dirk in a similar situation, feel less alone

hi anon! i’m sorry you’re stuck in such a complicated situation. i hope it all works out in the end. i can definitely relate to dealing with things by reading about a similar experiences and relating to fictional characters a little too hard. just remember that what you’re feeling is valid and no pain is permanent. x

i hope this does the trick!

The tv screen flickered between a diverse selection of images, the sound cutting off well before a full phrase could be heard.

“I regret the day I taught you how to use the remote.” Todd told his friend from the kitchen.

“What on earth for?” Dirk absent-mindedly replied while switching the channel, yet again. He had already kicked off his shoes and was now comfortably lounging on Todd’s couch.

Todd rolled his eyes. “Definitely not because you switch the channel about 187 times a minute.” He replied.

Dirk scoffed. “Poppycock.”

“God, you’re so British.” Todd murmured. “Just pick a channel, Dirk.” He added, louder.

“Fine!” Dirk said and lifted his finger off the button. “There’s some sort of apocalypse film on, we can watch that?” He added after he registered the image of a large fire on the screen.

Todd poked his head out of the kitchen long enough to see the screen. “Hate to break it to you, Dirk, but that’s the news.” He said.

Dirk’s eyes widened. “Bloody hell!” He exclaimed.

“Yeah, the world’s going to shit. Pick something else.” Todd told him.

“You just told me to stop changing the ch-“

“Just pick something other than the news, Dirk, Jesus.” Todd interrupted.

Finally after a few more channel jumps, Dirk settled on a rerun episode of Friends.

Soon, Todd sat down next to him on the couch and handed him a cup. “Here.”

Dirk furrowed his brows. “What’s this?” He asked.

“Your tea.” Todd said, already focusing on the tv.

“You made me tea?” Dirk asked.

“Yeah, you usually drink tea at this time of day, right?” Todd replied, his eyes never leaving the screen.

“Y-Yes, I suppose I do.” Dirk replied. He had no idea that Todd had taken notice of his tea drinking habits. “What kind of tea is it?” Dirk asked.

Todd scoffed. “That one- you know, your favorite one.” He replied.

Dirk lifted the cup to his face and sniffed. It was indeed his favorite tea. “You know what my favorite tea is?”

Todd finally turned to look at him, with an amused expression on his face. “Yeah, of course. You drink it all the time.” He said and turned back towards the tv.

Dirk just turned to stare into his tea. “Thank you.” He said quietly.

“Sure.” Mumbled Todd, like it was no big deal.

But it was to Dirk.

The only time another person had made Dirk tea was when he ordered it from a barista in a coffee shop. And then he had to specifically instruct them to make it the way he liked it. But here was Todd, knowing this about Dirk, just by paying attention. By caring enough to take notice.

Dirk lifted the cup to his lips in an attempt to hide his growing smile. Todd had made him tea.

As Dirk took his first sip of the tea, he turned his eyes toward Todd, who was still watching the tv. The tea was a little weaker than Dirk himself made it and still a little too hot to really enjoy but... It was made by Todd. For Dirk.

Despite all his claims of being an asshole, Todd’s affection for those he cared about was clear as day in the little things he did. It was one of the reasons Dirk loved him.

Dirk spit some of his tea back into the cup, shocked by his own train of thought. Todd turned to look at him.

“Ew.” Said Todd. “Is it bad?” He asked.

“No! No, not at all.” Dirk hurried to reply. “Just hot.” He added.

“Oh, okay. Let it cool down.” Todd said and turned back toward the tv.

“Good idea.” Dirk said, his attention already far away from the conversation.

Obviously by ‘one of the reasons he loved Todd’ Dirk had meant ‘one of the things he loved about Todd.’ There was a clear distinction between the two. You can love things about a person without loving the person.

As soon he’d tried to tell himself this, Dirk knew the truth. He loved Todd. And not just that, oh no. He loved Amanda and Farah, sure. But he loved Todd. He was in love with Todd.

Dirk felt the sudden urge to list all the swear words he knew - which would be an extensive list - but he decided against it, as he didn’t feel like explaining this course of action to Todd.

Dirk felt dumb. How could he not have realized this before now? Clearly it was not a new development. He felt the exact same way about Todd that he had prior to this day. The same way he had felt about him for a while. Only now he knew what it was.

He would have liked to pretend he was mistaken, chalk it up to not having previous experience with being in love, but Dirk knew better. If you’d asked him a year ago what being in love felt like, he’d have shrugged his shoulders and replied with something along the lines of ‘I haven’t the slightest clue!’ and go on about his day.

But now? He knew exactly what that particular emotion was.

It was the warm tidal wave in his stomach whenever Todd laughed at something he said. It was the sudden burning in his cheeks when Todd touched him. It was the rib-cracking pain when Todd was hurt or in danger. It was the ineffable pull he felt coming from Todd, constantly begging for Dirk to come just a little bit closer.

Dirk had never given much thought to the popular idea that when you’re in love, you just know. It was incredibly cheesy. Yet, as it turns out, surprisingly accurate.

Dirk fought the urge to groan out loud. This had not been part of his plan. The plan was: befriend Todd, start a detective agency with Todd and work with Todd. That was it. Much like the little girl with the red cape from that morbid children’s story Todd had told him about, Dirk had strayed far from the assigned path.

In so many ways, Dirk was eccentric. He had never fit any ready-made mold, he had never fit any stereotype. And now here he was. In love with his best friend. What a cliché.

Dirk’s bitter musings were suddenly interrupted by a loud laugh coming from the man next to him. Dirk turned his attention to Todd, who seemed to be thoroughly amused by a woman with a turkey on her head dancing on the tv screen.

Todd’s laugh was like music to Dirk’s ears. His stupid, predictable ears.

Dirk too tried to focus on the screen rather than Todd’s side profile, only to witness the turkey-headed woman’s shock at her companion telling her he loved her by accident. It was clearly the first time she heard this confession and the man immediately tried to backtrack and deny ever having said those three words in the first place. Nevertheless, she seemed elated at this revelation. She kept repeating ‘you love me, you love me’ excitedly.

Dirk turned his attention back to the object of his affection. For a moment he imagined what Todd’s reaction would be to hearing those words from Dirk.

He’d like to imagine that Todd would react somewhat similarly to how the woman had on the show. Surprised, but overtly happy. Dirk’s eyes suddenly felt incredibly warm. He turned his gaze at the ceiling, hoping to will the tears not to leave his eyes.

He knew his feelings would not be greeted with overt happiness. A small part of him dared to believe that Todd wouldn’t be utterly disgusted by Dirk’s feelings for him. An even smaller part of him almost sort of entertained the idea that Todd might reciprocate. But Dirk also knew that even if those things would somehow be true, they would not change the outcome.

Todd was a mess. A mess Dirk loved dearly, but a mess nonetheless. Todd still believed himself to be an asshole, tightly wound in a web of self-hatred. Amanda was still giving him the silent treatment. He had yet to come clean with his parents about the lie he’d been living. He was still getting used to said lie actually becoming reality, one pararibulitis attack at a time. His apartment still showed signs of the Rowdies’ visit all those months ago, a fact that wouldn’t get taken care of until they started making more steady money at the agency. And then there was the agency. It was up and running, but still in its early stages, still finding its legs.

No matter how he might feel, Todd was in no place to hear that his best friend was in love with him. Dirk was one of the only stable pieces of the crooked Jenga tower that was Todd’s life. Dirk didn’t dare to think what would happen if he were to compromise that structural piece. It wouldn’t be fair to Todd. He needed a friend right now.

Dirk felt like in the span of about five minutes, everything he knew had been turned upside down, yet he ended up in the same place he started at. Turns out he was in love with Todd, but this would and could not affect his actions in any way.

Dirk felt a new flavor of sadness settle on his tongue. He loved Todd, but Todd could not know. Dirk loved him, but it could not be acknowledged outside of his own head.

Suddenly Dirk felt like he might burst with the way deep longing clawed at his chest.

But as he watched Todd, smiling and comfortable on the couch next to Dirk, he decided this was a good thing, not a bad one.

Dirk might have to prioritize being Todd’s friend over his less than platonic feelings for him, but he was more than willing to do that. For Todd.

Love, in all its forms, was a good thing. And Dirk had a lot of it. He might not be able to put it into words, but much like Todd himself, Dirk could let it bleed into the things he did. He could be there for Todd, and love him, without saying so. He could love Todd, even if he never said so.

After all, Todd deserved to be loved, even if he didn’t know it yet. But Dirk would make sure that he would know. Eventually.

“Dirk, drink your tea before it gets cold, I’m not getting up to make you a new one.” Todd said suddenly.

Dirk smiled and raised his cup to his lips again.

if you have any ideas for fics, send me prompts! my inbox is always open! xx

#protecticarus #dghda #fanfiction #dirk gently #todd brotzman #brotzly #dirk gently’s holistic detective agency #fanfic #angst #fluff #feelings realization #prompt fill #fan fic #fan fiction #fic prompt

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yourmoansareasymphony · 3 years

Text

My wife thinks I’m out of line but I really don’t think I’m the asshole here. I get so fucking pissed off by native English-speakers who come to Finland (typically) to work in the service industry, restaurants, cafes etc. and these cunts will not learn a word of Finnish and everyone thinks it’s totally okay. These fucking pieces of shit won’t even bother to ask if their customers are fine being served in English, they just assume that Finns will switch to English whenever. Which they do, I mean Finns speak English and they’re not difficult like me so they just start speaking English and essentially bow to these British/American/Aussie wankers. Stop doing that.

I learned Finnish with my low intelligence so it can be fucking done. They live here for years and years and never learn because they think they don’t have to. They use their English-language privilege and Finnish people as a crutch. Like fuck I’m losing it. If I get one more Chris from Perth asking me what I’d like to drink without first asking me if I’m comfortable speaking English I’m gonna punch them in the fucking mouth. And if one more Chris from Perth insists that hE’s aN eXpAt and not an immigrant – because he’s a racist who doesn’t want to be associated with people of colour – I’m gonna throw them in the Cholera basin. I was so wild with rage today that I pretended like I didn’t speak English and ended up pointing at the menu because I wanted to make Chris’s day miserable because I hate him and his kind.

I’m absolutely not bashing immigrants with genuine learning difficulties and I’m not saying that Finnish is an easy language to learn but these cunts don’t even bother to try and that’s the issue. They’re white and they speak English as their first language and therefore obviously everyone in a non-English speaking country should just shut up and kneel. If an immigrant from Iraq doesn’t learn Finnish in 5 years even when they take classes and try their best Finns will lose their shit but Americans and these others twats get away with it every day.

I have to behave for now because I’m applying for citizenship soon and I can’t be caught punching anyone in the mouth. But as soon as I’ve got my citizenship and my shiny passport and if I cross paths with a Chris it’s right to jail, right away.

#words #not words #screams

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nims91 · 4 years

Text

Nathan Drake x Fem-Reader! Pt.2

Takes place in uncharted 2: among thieves, just when Nate and Sully come out from the underground tomb, and chloe runs off only to come back with Flynn and some soldiers.

Nates POV

I watch as Chloe runs ahead to look out for any of Lazarevics men. "You wanna give me a hand, Nate?" Sully calls from below. I turn to him and reach down, helping him out and standing to his feet again. "This way!" I hear a man yell from the distance. "Oh goddamn it." Sully sighs. "C'mon." I say quickly heading for the opening archway. "Harry! In here!" Chloe yells as she enters, having a gun pointed at me. "It's Drake." She yells back to Harry. "What the hell-?" I start to say before she interrupts me. "Get your hands up!" She demands. I shake my head and do as she says. Sully doing the same. "You sure know how to pick 'me." Sully states. "Shut up Sully." I quickly say as Harry and some guards come up behind Chloe. "Should've know it was you." Harry speaks as he comes up to me. His British accent coming through. "And you. Victor 'goddamn' Sullivan. You still dragging this tired old sack of shit around?" He chuckles. I let my hands drop and step up to him. Sully gets in between us. "Easy Nate." He says. My blood was boiling. I glared daggers at him in pure anger. "That's pretty ballsy for a guy who spent the last three months behind bars." Harry states looking from me to Sully. "Better than pissing away three months in the jungle with out a clue." I spat at him in an annoyed tone. He was pissing me off. "Found the ship's, though, didn't I?" He speaks confidently. "You couldn't find your own ass with both hands." I state before Sully jumps in. "And a map." Harry sighs slightly annoyed. "They came from down there." Chloe now says as she comes up to search me. Chloe pulls out the document that leads right to Shambhala. Or the next step at least. "Speaking of maps." Harry cockily says looking at it. "Between India and Tibet... one temple will reveal a-" he slowly reads. "Pathway to Shambhala. Jesus Flynn, while we're young." I finish for him. "Oh now. Dont be such a bad sport." He pouts sarcastically. "Take them to Lazarevic." He folds up the document in his hands. "You're gonna wish you stayed in prison mate." He says before making his way to the opening in the ground. "Move." Chole sternly says. I walk forward, Sully walking beside me. Two guards join us at our sides. "C'mon keep moving." One of the guards shouts, shoving me forward. Then Chloe knocks one of the guards in the head before turning to face the second one who shoots at her, a bullet grazing her arm. Sully quickly grabs his gun before Chloe shoots him then turning to the first guy shooting him. "Ah shit." She says holding her arm. "Are you alright?" I ask walking up to her. "Yeah well, it'll make it look more believable. Now, I'm going to try and buy you some time." Chloe grabs the dagger handing it to me. "Chloe you have to come with us." I state to her. "No." She give me a kiss on the lips. I could just melt into it forever but just at that thought she pulls away. "Just meet me in Nepal. Now run." Chloe states before making her way back to the others. "Let's go." I state and start to run off with Sully. "I like her." He speaks very enthusiastically. "Yeah I bet you do." I shake my head chuckling softly.

We quickly run around the corner before I take a look back. I quickly look in front of me again and stop abruptly seeing a women in front of me. She stops abruptly too stumbling slightly. She looked up at me almost immediately. "Y/n?" I ask in absolute shock. "Nathan, nice to see you too." She spat in an annoyed tone. "Well sorry to cut this reunion short, but I'll be taking this and be on my way." She says in the same tone before quickly grabbing the purba dagger and making her way quickly down the path. "Hey! I shout and run after her. Gun shots ring out and I start to run faster, Y/n still in front of us.

Your POV

You quickly made your way up the path towards the archway you seen about an hour ago from a different spot in the jungle. You looked down slightly at your watch before you quickly looked back up almost to run into someone. You look up immediately at the face and smirked, chuckling sarcastically. "Nathan, nice to see you too." You voice dripping with annoyance. "Well sorry to cut this reunion short, but I'll be taking this and be on my way." You speak in the same annoyed tone before running down the path you just came from. You heard Nate call out to you but didnt look back. They started running as gun shots rung out. You could see the small gap up ahead with nowhere else to go. "Adios asshole." You yell back at him before jumping of the cliff and into the water.

You panted hard as you pulled yourself onto land still having the purba dagger. You panted hard. Not a second later the sound of water splash was heard. You look over to see the two men crawling out of the river. You were not impressed. "So now your following me?" You scoff and shake your head. "Y/n, what the hell are you doing here alive?" Nate asks you, as he walks up to you. "Searching for Shambhala." You state. "But I watched you die. I watched you get shot." He shakes his head. "Well after that doctors patched me up. Then I escaped, about 3 months ago, giver take." You explain coldly. "Why didnt you come back for me or sam?" You ask sadly. He looks up to you and shakes his head. "What do you mean? I checked everywhere. Everyone said you were dead." He confessed. "Well they told me you hated me and never wanted to see again. That I was worthless to you. Every single day for around the past 10ish years." You shout slightly. He sighs and shakes his head. He stops and looks at you. "Is Sam alive?" He asks. "I dont know. After the attempt we pulled escaping and killing Vargus, Most of my time was spent in the hole. Only got to go out when everyone was in their cell. Didnt see anyone." You sigh. You then start to walk away. "Hey hey hey, where are you going?" Nate asks. "To go to Tibet and find Shambhala." You state. "So that's it. This is all were gonna talk about?" He runs up to you. "What's there to talk about?" You got two girls tied to your hip. Chloe and Elena, was it?" You ask cockily and annoyed. "Wait you dont understand.." Nate try's to says. "Oh I understand it all, hotel security is always a joy." You says. Nate slightly freezes knowing now that you seen him in Chloe back at the beach. "Look Nate. I dont wanna be made at you but, I am, okay." You say. "Now I'll shall head on my way.

The journey continues. You went to Tibet. Ran into Nate again. Decided to team up. Run into Elena. Then go rescue Chloe. Almost die on a train, multiple times. Finally get to the steps of Shambhala and have to run for your lives. You get to the temple and see the supposedly, chintamani stone. It was magnificent. "Wait this isnt sapphire. Its resin." Nate states. I look at him confused then around the temple to see a tree. "You've got to be kidding me." I state walking to the other side of the temple. "Y/n!" Nate yells and sighs "It's not a sapphire. It's a metaphor. That's the chintamani stone." You point to this humorous tree. You shake you head and sigh walking back into the temple. You look and see Harry limping, holding a grenade. You stopped in you tracks not wanting to have him pull that pin. You were to focused on the grenade to here them speak. You watched as he pulled the pin. You gasped and went to retreat only to feeling unimaginable pain run through your entire body. Everything was fuzzy, from words to sight to speaking. You feel your body being pulled up and lean against someone you imagine is Chloe. "I have to end this." Nates voice rings in your ear. "No you cant." You wince. "I just only got you back. I cant loose you again." You state before he gave you a kiss on the head. "I'll come back I promise. Chloe get her out of here." You whimpered and hissed at the pain before crying slightly. "C'mon deary, you can do it." Chloe encourages you.

You dont know when and how but somehow you showed up at the steps of Shambhala. She rests you down on a slab of rock and sighs. You let out another whimper. "I know I know, it'll be all over soon." Chloe speaks. Your drifting in and out of consciousness. Your open your eyes and see Nate, but a blurry version of him. Hes talking to Chloe and then looking at you and then too Chloe. "Its alright. Your gonna be alright. Your good, alright." Nate says as he combs your hair back to perfect. You finally close your eyes and darkness consumes you.

Days and days would go by as you laid there in bed. Some days were worst then others. Especially when you had to get the shards of the grenade out that was embedded in you skin. Soon as days went by, you got better. You sighed as you sat up wincing slightly. You stood up and put on some clothes before heading to the door. Sully stepped in front of you before you got outside. "Sully, I swear if you dont let me outside, I will shoot you in the leg." You chuckled and he shook his head. "Fine." You linked your arm with his as he helped you down the steps and towards Nathan. He turned to you and smiled brightly. "Shes one hell of a patient." Sully spoke making you chuckle. You switched arms from Sully to Nate. "Ah which way did Chloe go." He asked. Nate shook his head as he pointed in the direction. "Your a dirty old man Sully." You yelled out to him. You and Nate then started walking towards the grass patch under a tree that showed a beautiful veiw. "So about that vacation?" You asked. "We're still going to do it." He looks at you. "Mmhm sure." You smiled. "I promise." He spoke softly making you face him. "You better." You smirk and he sighs in defeat. "Come here." He shakes his head as he pulls you into a passionate kiss. You smile into the kiss and when he breaks off, you rest your head on his shoulder. "So on a scale of one to ten, how scared were you that I was gonna die." You asked. "A three." He spoke blankly. "A three?" You ask and he nods. "You were so an eight." You chuckled. "An eight, those guardian things were an eight." He confesses. "Then what's a 10?" You asked him shocked. "Clowns." You scoffed and shook your head. "Clowns, over my death?" You ask. "Wow" he smiles. "Ok I'll give you a four." He gives in a little. "You though I was gonna die." You say. "No I didnt." You smile now. "Yes you were bawling." You chuckle. "I was not. Its was raining, you were unconscious." He defends. "It was sunny and you were crying. I have your tears in a jar." You state. You both laugh and smile as you watch the sunrise.

This is part one if you havent read that yet. I suggest you read it first.

#nadine ross #chloe frazer #elena fisher #sam drake #nathan drake #oneshots #x reader #uncharted 4 #uncharted #uncharted 2

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365days365movies · 3 years

Text

May 1: The Prestige (2006) (Recap: Part Two)

Now, where were we? Oh, right!

Wolverine’s trying to take down Batman for killing his wife and ruining his life, but can’t do it, even with the help of Black Widow and Alfred Pennyworth. So, he goes to the United States to meet Gollum, who’s working for Nicola Tesla.

That sound about right, Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream?

Awesome! Thanks, man; thought you were underrated as Marius in Les Mis. Anyway, let’s get back to it!

Part One is right here!

Recap (2/2)

We flash forward AGAIN to Borden in prison, who’s agreed to sell almost all of his tricks to the representative from before. However, he will only sell the last trick (the Transported Man), if Caldolw comes there himself, with his daughter (whom he agreed to keep out of the workhouses). Meanwhile, he plays a magic trick on a guard, in a fashion that’s genuinely funny and well-done.

The builder of the machine, who is once again friggin’ Nicola Tesla, appears to speak with Angier. Oh, and by the way, Nicola Tesla is FUCKING DAVID BOWIE OH MY GOD!! After showing him a lightbulb powered by bioelectricity, the two sit down for a meal. Tesla speaks on how his visionary status is less-than-appreciated at this point. Still, he offers to make the machine for Angier, but also asks if he’s considered the cost. And not just the monetary one.

While Tesla recommends against Angier’s passions, recognizing it as an obsession, he does agree to build it, recognizing that he will not stop these obsessions. From there, we flashback AGAIN and see Angier backstage, shortly after his failure (and Borden’s sabotage). Still angered at Borden’s new life and success, he goes to his show to observe a new trick he’s debuting, called “The Transported Man.”

Consorting with Olivia, he gets a better disguise to look in on Borden’s act. And when he does...he sees the greatest trick he’s ever seen. Borden goes in through one door, then comes out of another. When he tells Cutter about the trick, Cutter insists that it’s a double. But both Olivia and Angier agree that it wasn’t a double, given that both had the missing fingers from Angier’s shooting attempt. Still, they don’t know HOW Borden does it. So, with Cutter’s advice, they find a double to sit in for Angier for their own version of the trick. This double is drunk and unemployed actor Gerald Root (Hugh Jackman), who is...kind of a dick. Still, the two do look alike (obviously).

With more pizzazz and showmanship than Borden displayed, Angier’s version of the Transported Man is a big success, and Angier is a success as a result. However, there’s a drawback; because he’s switching places with Root, he’s underneath the stage, rather than on top of it. Because of this, he can’t actually appreciate the applause of the audience first hand. Which means quite a lot to him for some reason. And so, he STILL needs to figure out how Borden’s act work. To do so, he asks Olivia (with whom he’s in a new relationship) to spy on Borden by pretending to defect to his side. Which angers Olivia, but she agrees.

Flash forward to Colorado, and to the first experiment of the machine that Tesla’s built. He believes that the machine should be able to transport a person or object from one place to another. They use Angier’s top hat for the demonstration, watching electricity arc around it, and...nothing happens. The hat’s still there. The experiment is a failure, but Tesla will keep at it (for Angier’s money, of course).

Back to the past, where it’s revealed that Olivia is...really fucking pissed at Angier, it turns out. See, she actually did LOVE him, and he cast her away like little more than hired help in order to succeed in his rivalry with Borden, basically telling her that she means little to him, as compared to the feud. So, she betrays Angier by telling Borden about Root. Borden tells Root that he holds power over Angier, convincing him to blackmail him. A drunken Root agrees, but this is also part of Borden’s plan.

See, Borden shows up at the show, and takes away a pad under the trap door through which Angier falls for the trick, causing him to hit the floor badly, and permanently hobbling him. Now under the stage, the asshole Borden takes Root’s place, and Angier’s spotlight, humiliating his rival to LITERALLY add insult to injury. Fuck Borden, he’s a dick.

An understandably enraged Angier goes to Olivia to find out, y’know...what the FUCK? But, after she angrily confronts her, she gives him Borden’s journal, which she’s pinched. However, the journal is written with a cipher in order to prevent any looky-loos from figuring out his secrets. To get the cipher’s key, Angier crosses YET ANOTHER line, and kidnaps Fallon, Borden’s stage engineer. Reluctantly, Borden gives Angier the key to the cipher: TESLA. That leads him to Tesla, and back to America, where Angier is from. But Cutter’s done; he’s not coming along this time. Angier’s obsession with Borden is just that: Angier’s obsession, not his. So, Angier’s on his own.

That night, with Olivia, Fallon, and his wife Sarah, Borden celebrates at dinner! However, Sarah’s not happy, AT ALL, it turns out. I haven’t mentioned this yet, but Borden’s relationship with Sarah is tumultuous as hell. As she describes it, some days he’s all into their marriage and their relationship, and he truly seems to love her. But some days...he isn’t. Some days, he’s into magic whole-heartedly, and into his secrets, which she HATES. This comes up at dinner, where it’s also fairly apparent that Borden is cheating on her with Olivia. YIKES.

As the marriage is falling apart, we go back to Colorado Springs, where Angier is once more reading Borden’s diary. He’s had it the whole time he’s been in Colorado, by the way, but we only now found out where he got it. As he reads it, he’s shocked to see that the diary is now...directly addressing him. Oh...fuck.

Turns out Olivia was REALLY FUCKING PISSED at Angier, and has COMPLETELY betrayed him for Borden, with whom she’s fallen in love. Yeah, fuck. Borden told her to give Angier the diary, knowing that it would send him back to his home country of America on a wild goose chase, as he actually NEVER went to Tesla for the key to his trick. Which means that Angier is there for absolutely no reason.

So, uh...Angier’s gonna punch a genius right now, because he’s now ALSO FUCKING PISSED (which pleases Borden greatly as he reads this in the diary). Convinced that Tesla was stealing his money for a fraudulent cause, he storms there immediately. The lab’s been burned out by Edison’s men, but Tesla and Alley are still there, and they actually don’t know why the experiment didn’t work. They give it one more shot, with Alley’s cat this time. And...

Nothin’. Just an electrified cat. Alive, but probably all static-y now. Anyway, Tesla apologizes, and a frustrated Angier leaves the facility, followed by the understandably freaked out cat. And the other cat is also freaked out. And...oh. OH.

Turns out - TURNS FUCKING OUT - that the machine isn’t a teleporter; it’s a cloning machine! YEAH! And as soon as the cloning is revealed...I figure the whole movie out. I mean it. I figured out the twist! Here, lemme try it on for size. First of all, Angier isn’t dead. His double from the experiment died, in order to frame Borden for his murder and ruin him. Secondly, the person who’s aiming to buy Borden’s trick? It’s him. He’s the “mysterious collector.” 100%, I goddamn guarantee it. Oh, and while we’re at it, I know who Fallon is! Fallon is Borden’s double, because Borden’s only performed the experiment successfully ONCE! When he did, he made a double of himself, and that double is the silent and mysterious Fallon, who seems to care for Borden’s daughter greatly. That’s it! I figured out the goddamn movie! BET. FUCKING BET

Well, I’ll find out soon, I’m sure. Tesla’s forced out of town the next day, but he’s left Angier the box, containing the cloning machine that would be his end. He tests it...but we don’t see whether or not it works. Hmm. Borden’s as interested as I am in this...and then reads on as the diary starts addressing HIM. FUCK. Angier did in fact frame Borden for his death. And with that knowledge...Borden’s done. Both because he’s been fooled, and because...well, that’s not all that’s happened to him recently.

Back in time again, and Sarah and Borden’s marriage is FALLING APART ENTIRELY. Sarah is done with Borden’s flip-flopping mentalities, realizing even now that he’s not currently in love with her. She’s not OK. And unfortunately...she hangs herself shortly afterwards. Yeah. It’s terrible, and Borden drove her FUCKING CRAZY. I DO NOT LIKE THIS ASSHOLE. Poor, poor Sarah. Sucks.

That’s led, of course, to their child being without a mother, which is why Borden agrees to allow the mysterious Lord Caldlow to look after her. And once he arrives at the prison to collect Borden’s final trick as agreed...yup.

Alive, well, and now ABSOLUTELY AN ASSHOLE TOO, Angier has taken on his ACTUAL identity: Robert Caldlow, British nobleman! Holy shit. HOLY SHIT I WAS RIGHT. Now realizing how...FUCKING CRAZY this whole thing is, Borden’s fucked. At the same time, Cutter is to deliver the Box to the estate. Although Caldlow tries to avoid the interaction, the interaction happens, and Cutter is also ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ENRAGED!!! A lot of anger in this movie.

Anyway, yeah! Angier was fucking dead! And now, Borden’s life is absolutely ruined for something that, to be fair, he didn’t actually do! But there’s a question...how the fuck is this possible? I mean, we know a lot of the details. but not everything. It is at this point, though, that we flashback to the night in question.

First things first, Olivia is tried of this bullshit. She’s leaving before it’s too late, because their obsessions with each other is too fucking much. With Angier about to debut a new trick, a new version of the “Transported Man”, Borden goes to the show night-after-night, despite the fact that his wife is dead, kinda because of him. But whatever, amirite? MAGIC RULES ALL

Borden attends the show multiple times, and night after night, Angier enters the machine, and his double appears above the audience seconds later, which astounds and amazes. Finally, Borden’s fed up, and he makes his way backstage to figure out what the FUCK is happening. And that’s when we get back to the beginning. The clone of Angier dies in the water tank, and Borden’s framed for the crime. And it worked.

Realizing now that he’s fucked, Borden in the modern day says his tearful goodbyes to the always silent Fallon, admitting his faults, and apologizing to him for what happened with Sarah? Huh. But a part of me wonders whether or not Borden can escape. I mean, he’s an escape artist and a magician, right?

No. Borden is brought to the gallows to be done. And when they ask if he has anything more to say...he does.

...Holy shit.

After this, we go back to Caldlow/Angier. He brings the machine to the theatre with the help of Cutter. There, he prepares to burn the theatre and the box, and a water tank also in the cellar. And then, he’s shot. Wait, wait, he’s fucking SHOT? By...oh. OHHHHHH.

Fallon. FALLON shoots Caldlow/Angier. But it’s not Fallon really. No, no. This is THE OTHER Alfred Borden, who’s been disguised as Fallon the whole time. But wait! There’s FUCKING MORE! As Angier/Caldlow dies (YES DIES), we learn the truth from both sides. Let’s start with Borden.

See, this entire time, through all the BULLSHIT that Angier went through to make this goddamn stupid fucking trick work...Cutter was right. THE ENTIRE TIME. But how did Borden to the Transported Man? Easy: he has a twin brother. HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN BROTHER!!! I was wrong! The real trick is that the brothers sacrificed their individuality in order to play the same person! This whole goddamn time! HOLY SHIT! That’s also why Sarah noted that Borden seemed like two people at once sometimes! In fact, one brother loved Sarah, and the other loved Olivia! Holy fucking SHIT! But what about the hands, you ask? Easy! To commit to the bit, the other brother CUT HIS FUCKING FINGERS OFF!!! WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK?!?

Now THAT is a fucking twist! And Angier’s equally as impressed. But OK...how did Angier do his trick? Simple; by killing his clones EVERY SINGLE FUCKING NIGHT WITH THE WATER TANK! Which is just SUPER FUCKED when you think about it! He’s killing himself every night, because when he steps in to the machine, he never knows if he’s the man in the water or on the stage! He’s literally drowning himself every night, in the same way that his wife died! And you know the REALLY FUCKED UP THING?

HE ALREADY TRIED TO DO THE EXACT SAME THING EARLIER

Yeah! That’s from before, shortly after his wife died! And he did that every night, WAITING for the right moment to get his revenge on Borden to frame him for murder! ISN’T THAT ABSOLUTELY FUCKED?!? I LOVE IT!

So, yeah, that’s all well and good, but for the love of God, WHY? Angier got his revenge already with the better showmanship from his first revision of Borden’s trick, so why do it like this now? Well, Angier’s reply is that he did it to see the magic on people’s faces when they realized the trick in front of them. I mean...you’re fuckin’ CRAZY dude, but I respect your devotion to the craft?

Angier dies, and the lantern falls on the ground, causing everything to start burning. And as Borden walks away from this mess, we hear Caine’s narration come in again, and go back to that first scene with him and the little girl, whom we now know is Borden’s daughter. And luckily for her, her ACTUAL FATHER, the right Borden, is the one who’s still alive. He comes for her, with Cutter’s blessings, and his narration continues. And as it does, Borden in the fast, in the theatre, looks back at the scene around him. And he realizes what he’s looking at.

Every magic trick consists of 3 parts, or "acts." The first part is called "the Pledge." The magician shows you something ordinary. The second act is called "the Turn." The magician takes the ordinary something, and makes it into something extraordinary. But, you wouldn't clap yet, because making something disappear isn't enough... you have to bring it BACK. Now, you're looking for the secret. But you won't find it, because, of course, you're not really looking. You don't really want to work it out. You want to be... FOOLED.

That’s The Prestige, and uh...holy fucking SHIT. See you in the Review.

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princesssarcastia · 3 years

Text

we’re tunneling under rock bottom, lads.

alrighty then. ladies, gentlemen, and those of you who know better: here it is. just laying bear the incredible shame which is my current descent back into hp. I’ve been reading lots of fic, and now i’m having a lot of thoughts about it. putting them under a readmore because I’m morally opposed to even accidentally subjecting people to this if they don’t want to see it. in the immortal words of groucho marx, these are my principles thoughts, and if you don’t like them....well, i have others.

ugh. oh god. here we go.

i’m frankly disgusted with the way james potter is frequently cast as this HIMYM-Ted-Mosby-like character, who meets a woman—no, doesn’t even meet her. just sees her. and decides this is the woman he’ll marry, and then continues to pursue her even though she makes it clear she’s not interested...FOR YEARS...sort of casts himself as a wounded, sympathetic party...and then eventually succeeds!! which is some Narrative Bullshit, because it implies that’s a way to get someone to go out with you, Which It Isn’t. like, I don’t think this interpretation even has any canon grounding, but that’s beside the point because canon is a roast and I am carving off only the bits I want to eat for consumption.

the mindset i’m using to justify this to myself is that. look. tmi hour with princesssarcastia. these books actually do mean a lot to me. they were the books that made me like to read! they opened a whole world for me; not just the world of HP but countless others, some better written, some much much worse. it was like they flipped a switch in my head and suddenly i had this glorious form of escapism that had been in front of me all along but that I could now take advantage of. I would literally not be the same person I am today if I hadn’t read them. i know everyone says that but I really do mean it. hell yes I should, and WILL, be more critical of the source material and the fan material now, compared to when I first read them. I should not only be more critical, but I should also openly criticize it and its author, JK Rowling. But it’s like with lovecraft, okay; he was shit and JRK is shit, but they laid out the bare bones of something more spectacular than their tiny, bigoted minds could fully flesh out. so now, fleshing it out is our job, especially so we can rub it in their racist, transphobic, antisemetic faces that we’re way better at it than they ever were.

still hate snape! really, really do. he’s a bigot and a bully and he never changed, and the fact that he was poor and his father abused him doesn’t change that or make him redeemable somehow. It makes him more interesting, sure! More fleshed out, more three dimensional. But as a person he still sucks. He was Neville’s boggart! And not in the way that McGonagall was Hermione’s boggart; not like some face or representation of a more abstract fear. It was Literally just snape that Neville feared more than anything else in the world, and I will not abide that. Snape is bad for the same reason Umbridge is bad: your teachers are supposed to be people you can trust, they are people entrusted with your welfare, they are supposed to broaden your horizons and introduce you to the world around you in increasingly complex but ALWAYS, ALWAYS KIND ways. Snape does not do that. And I always thought the idea of him still loving Lily decades after he inadvertently sent Voldemort on the path to murdering her, and spending those decades doing something he hated and making the children in his care as miserable as he was, was much more sad than it was romantic. That’s not a romance, that’s a tragedy that he walked into with his eyes wide open, and karmically deserved.

The best fics are the ones that understand that Ron Weasley was harry’s first friend, that he was kind, and that his jealousy and temper didn’t make him any less those things. Ron Weasley is a ride-or-die bitch with, frankly, more emotional intelligence than hermione had sometimes, and I respect the hell out of him.

There really must have been more to the wizarding world than Harry ever sees, and that makes it fertile ground for fandom to grow its own ideas in. For instance, to fight a war against all the death eaters, their families, the bigoted ministry employees, and the snatchers, there simply MUST have been more order of the phoenix members than were named, the first time ‘round and the second.

When you think about it, the concept of the Order of the Phoenix is actually fascinating. because on the one hand, it’s kind of a private paramilitary group? It’s basically a militia populated by some government employees, INCLUDING cops, and schoolteachers, and healers, and sometimes your neighbors. That’s sort of a scary thought in the abstract, though it does literally happen in the U.S. allll the time. But on the other hand, it’s a group of people dedicated to taking direct action against rising fascism in their government and society. punch nazis 1995, amirite?

Very excited because today, for the first time, I read a harry potter fic where someone (hermione, of course) mentions human rights. [dead men have no tails, by DuskGlass] and it’s very offhand, narratively; there’s not deep exploration of it. But it leads to some wider questions I’ve been musing over...

...which is, even though the wizarding world is separate from the muggle world, how does that work out historically? specifically when it comes to shitty stuff, though there are certainly nicer areas of this to explore if you’d like to. For instance, How involved were british wizards in colonial efforts? Did british, french, and dutch colonists in the americas participate in the genocide against native people there? In the atlantic slave trade? How involved was the british wizarding world in colonizing India? And, were native american wizards and indian wizards involved in that conflict? I mean, i can’t imagine they weren’t. And if they weren’t, and the european forces still succeeded anyway, they the european wizarding world would have to have been involved in that, right? when exactly did wizarding and muggle society start splitting far enough apart that muggle wars were not wizarding affairs? Are there wizards in every country on the planet? Is there the same level of disengagement in every other country as there is in Great Britain? These are questions i’m sure Hermione must have gotten answered for herself at some point. I’d like to know the answers as well.

In retrospect, a lot of Hogwarts classes seem centered around defense and offense; in training people in combat, even if that’s not explicitly what they call it. not in any fudge/umbridge esque “they’re training the kids in combat to take over the government!!!!” way, but in a “this world is actually very, very dangerous, from creatures to rogue magical objects or rogue magical people who mean you harm.” That’s a fascinating mindset to have; it’s a fascinating paradigm to shift to, I imagine, especially for muggleborns. Sort of prudent in canon, given the whole Voldemort thing, but it makes you wonder if the wizarding world then just always has some kind of asshole trying to take it over and kill a bunch of people along the way.

I’ll probably have more thoughts at some point, but that’s it for now. feel free to discuss these, or any other, harry potter thoughts with me further. I gotta get my enrichment somehow.

#hp #meta #history #world building #im so sorry #but also if you're interested in these plz do talk to me #harry potter

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phcking-detective · 4 years

Text

Happiness is a Jealous Android

The FBI are the British of the law enforcement world, Gavin thinks sourly as he glares at the new addition "consulting" on his goddamn case. Snobby fucking cunts who think their own shit doesn't stink.

He can't do anything but be mad about it either. There's a new virus making androids overheat, and they don't know shit about how it works.

They could if Nines caught an android in the middle of it, but it works so fast, they haven't been able to grab one yet. He could just use whatever program he has meant to hack in and delete another android's code—meant for eradicating deviancy—and delete the virus instead.

"Yes, but just imagine, if the code is—" the fancy FBI computer geek says.

Nines interrupts. "For the fifth time, I cannot."

"But you understand the concept!" FBI geek throws up his hands. "Just apply it to—"

Gavin rolls his eyes. The whole fucking point of Nines is that he can't! He's not ever supposed to have new ideas, and he thinks too literally for that shit anyway.

Nines already told them the most efficient method of overheating an android three days ago, but whatever the virus does, it isn't that. And Nines can't think of anything less efficient—he can barely understand the concept of thinking less efficiently.

So they've brought in a human just smart enough to be stupid for him.

If only someone would tell this asshole that's what his job is. Just be stupid enough to think of something that works through sheer idiot accident—that's human creativity, baby!

When the GJ500 assigned to act as the FBI geek's "tactical support"—glorified bodyguard/babysitter special combo—meets Gavin's eyes and jerks his head toward the back door, Gavin can't get out of the bullpen and into the back alley for a smoke break fast enough.

"Need a light?" Nate asks, already pulling out his own pack.

Gavin's not really sure why an android needs to smoke, but he's also not sure where his ADHD ass has left his own lighter this time, so he nods and leans forward.

One thing he is sure of is how Nate checks him out while sparking the end of his cigarette. He's cruised enough to know that look, android or not.

But he settles back against the opposite nod with only a grunt of thanks. Him and Nines maybe sort of have a thing and they maybe sort of haven't talked about it. Anyway, he's only made the exception about shitting where he eats—or in this case, fucking where he works—because Nines is such an uptight, private, introverted bastard, he knows not even Connor will be able to weasel any details out of him.

"Fucking geniuses, right?" Nate says after lighting his own cigarette.

He gives a surprisingly human scoff, and Gavin can't help but snort back in agreement. He's only gotten used to Nines and Connor—said fucking genius or the android version of those evil gossipy Southern ladies. And all the other androids in the precinct are still too scared of him for anything outside of short sentences, much less small talk.

So he's never really shot the shit with an android before, but hey. Brave new world and all.

"How'd you get stuck babysitting yours?" Gavin asks.

Nate groans. "I was suckered. Fucking …" He gestures with his own lit cigarette. "Bamboozled."

Gavin snickers and maybe checks him out a little too. "Like to see the guy who could bamboozle you."

Nate grins at him. "Well, I guess I have to admit your RK probably could, but outside of that …"

His grin opens wider, revealing sharp canines. Gavin swallows. Nines has them too of course, but they're like, metal sheaths that drop down from his gums to cover his "human" teeth. Very cool, but he only gets to see them on special occasions.

"But yeah." Nate drops the grin and sighs. "Honestly, I'm still kind of new. And I don't have any fucking, deep burning desire to be a free form poet or some shit. I just wanted to do what I'm good at, so the FBI called and I jumped."

Gavin raises his eyebrows. "And they stuck you with a babysitting job?"

Nate wrinkles his face up with clear disgust and disappointment. It's weird as hell. The only other android he's seen built like Nate is Nines, who wouldn't know a facial expression if someone carved a Joker smile into his chassis.

OK, well. Maybe that's not fair. Nines does have both disgust and disappointment on lock, but in a sterile sort of way. Like a scientist observing a failed experiment and Gavin's dick is the unlucky lab rat.

(Not that Gavin or his dick are complaining.)

"What about you?" Nate asks. "Got anything to complain about?"

Gavin huffs out smoke and flicks ash off the end of his cigarette. "Why do you care?"

Nate shrugs. "Maybe I'm just interested in life at the DPD. For no reason. Snow is always whiter on the other side and all."

He barks out a laugh. "It's Detroit. If you see any snow that's still white, that's just cocaine."

Nate snorts too, and the smoke is good, and maybe he could throw the guy a bone. He'd been thinking about a career change himself not too long ago—until he got partnered with Nines, and Fowler started actually noticing when he solved cases, and maybe having Nines help keep him on track meant he blew up less at his coworkers, meant that they stopped hating him so much, meant that he might have a real shot at a promotion now.

"Connor's usually the darling golden boy," he says between drags. "And Hank goes way back with Fowler, so yeah. They get all the good shit."

Nate makes a sympathetic noise.

"Our budget's shit and anytime we catch something really good, guess who swoops in and case steals?"

He gives Nate's FBI jacket a pointed look that totally doesn't involve also checking out his barrel of a chest. What the fuck do they make these military models out of anyway? His porn history?

"Sucks," Nate says. "Doesn't sound too different though. At least you actually get to work cases. The only shit I catch is all coding and hacking, and I'm not built for that any more than you could perform open heart surgery just 'cause you've got one."

"Oof," Gavin says in return.

He gets down to the filter and drops it, stubbing out the small ember with his boot. Nate's cigarette is still going strong, since he doesn't actually need to inhale and hasn't been sucking it down. Gavin's not sure what to do with his hands now, and he's still plenty stressed, so he just takes out another cigarette.

Nate takes his out of his mouth and holds it out. Gavin gratefully presses the end of his new smoke against it to light up again.

"I think they call this buttfucking," Nate says.

Gavin sputters out a surprised laugh. "Yeah, Brits call these a lot worse."

Nate shrugs. "Takes one to know one."

From the way he pulls his cigarette back and wraps his lips around it while maintaining full eye contact, he obviously knows a little something-something himself.

But then he switches to complaining about his partner's annoying little peculiarities—like how the man apparently hates cotton balls with some sort of weird fetishistic passion—and Gavin offers up how Nines refuses to ever end a sentence with a preposition, and it's just regular coworker bitching from there.

Although they do start taking smoke breaks together, at least once a day. It's nice having someone to bitch to, since Nines is so busy doing code shit Gavin can't even comprehend, and Tina's off with her android girlfriend, plus Hank and Connor, for some feel good android-human bonding news special or whatever.

And yeah, they flirt. But Gavin's a slut and Nines already knew that. The one time Nate asked him about getting a "lunch break," Gavin told him he doesn't fuck around on cases. Even if neither of them were any use right now, fucking a coworker is bad enough—Gavin strictly does not fuck at work, or even on lunch breaks if he's in the middle of a big case.

Nate drawled he had an impressive work ethic and left it at that.

And him and Nines still haven't talked about their thing, or how serious it is, or exclusive, or … at all, really. Nines is too busy. So.

It's not a big deal if he just, has a friend or whatever.

***

Gavin leans back against the wall and tries to light his smoke in the face of harsh Detroit winds. It keeps sputtering out. Maybe he should go back inside.

Hank and Connor are back, and that's stealing the spotlight from their case getting solved, but it's not like he had shit to do with that anyway.

He's not sulking about it.

Not FBI-genius-what's-his-face being all smug, or Nines still ignoring him to mind-talk to Connor even though the case is over and they could finally have some time to …

Shit. Hold hands? Gavin mentally sneers at himself. What they had going on before was probably just like, an experiment. Lots of androids trying out sex and dating right now.

Lots of times that he's handing over his heart to someone just looking for—

Tall, broad shoulders step in between him and the wind so the lighter finally sparks and catches long enough for him to light up. He takes a drag and looks up, ready to tell Nines it's about time he—

But it's Nate.

(Stupid.)

"Scene in there a little too much?" Nate asks.

Gavin tips his head back and exhales smoke without answering.

"Got a job offer," he continues. "In New York."

Gavin hums. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Lot nicer than fucking Detroit." Nate pauses. "Could use a partner though."

"What?" Gavin blinks and looks back at him. "Shit man. Like we're gonna run away together?"

Nate laughs. "Not that romantic, no. But you're being fucking wasted here—both as a cop and a, uhh …"

He stops and purposefully takes a long drag of his own cigarette. What the British call them. Like that's clever.

Gavin's the only one allowed to call himself slurs, but he does enjoy being verbally degraded, and this asshole is pushing right up against both of those lines. He's not really sure how mad he is about it, since Nate didn't actually say the word, but he settles for pissed because that's who he is as a person.

"Oh, fuck off," he sneers.

Nate smirks and it suddenly seems mean instead of sexy for the first time. "Like you're getting it any better from your RK? I bet he fucks like the machine he is."

Gavin doesn't deny it. Nines hasn't deviated and he doesn't care when people call him a machine anyway. And none of that is any of this asshole's business.

But Nate keeps going.

"Two weeks and I've never even seen him look at you," he says. "Y'know, look."

He drags his eyes over Gavin's body like he's mapping out all the places he plans to touch. Wants to touch. Nines assesses him, nags at him to eat or sleep or "hydrate" himself. Catalogues every minute detail about his appearance.

Sometimes he'll even look at Gavin like he's going to eat the human alive and analyze every single bite.

But his partner has never checked him out or anything. As far as Gavin knows, it's all mental for him when they fuck around. Just a way for him to have control over something in his life and put some of those interrogation protocols to use that aren't legal now that deviants have rights.

Nate looks like he wants to fuck him raw in this very goddamn alley.

"None of your phcking business," Gavin mutters.

Nate sighs and drops his smoke in the snow. "Oh, Gavin. Fine. We can do this your way."

He thinks that means the android is going to let it go, even though that phrasing is really weird. So he's a dumb idiot who doesn't even have his guard up when Nate passes by him to the door—only to suddenly grab him, turn him around, and shove him up against the brick alley wall.

Gavin slams an elbow back into his ribs on instinct, but that doesn't do shit against a private security android except make his whole arm go numb. He holds back the impulse to slam his head backward into the android's face, because that will hurt his human skull way worse than whatever metal Nate has under the plastic.

He tries to take stock of the situation instead, but then freezes when Nate leverages his taller, bulkier body to press against the whole of his back to keep him pinned.

And grind into his ass.

"Get off," Gavin snarls.

"Yeah, I intend to," Nate replies in casual amusement. "Don't worry, I'll let you come too."

"I'm. Not. Interested!"

Nate leans down to murmur in his ear. "Ah-ah. I've seen your porn history, Gavvy. This is damn near all you watch."

Watch! his brain screams. He watches that shit, might fool around with some forced submission, but only in scenes with his Dom. Which is NINES.

"I'm going to fuck you so good, you won't even remember his dumb little number," Nate croons.

"Well."

"Mm?"

Gavin huffs against the brick, just stalling for time. Or an idea. An idea would be really fucking nice right about now, but all he can think about is how his traitor dick really has gotten interested in this even though he's screaming inside and—

"Good is an adjective. You can't verb an adjective. You need to use the adver—"

Nate grabs a fistful of his hair and slams his face into the wall. He doesn't have any snappy comeback because yeah. That's all the response he needed.

But his hands have scrabbled against the brick wall long enough to find a loose one. Can't have shit in Detroit, much less well-constructed buildings. His skull and fist might not do shit versus the android's face, but a brick to the head should put anyone down.

Right?

"Now. Are you going to be a good b—"

The door to the alley opens, and Hank steps out. Gavin looks sideways at him and opens his mouth, but he chokes on the blood dripping down the back of his throat from his busted up nose and can't say anything.

"We're just having a little fun, Lieutenant," Nate says smoothly. "Nothing he doesn't beg for online."

Gavin's face flushes, and that really doesn't help the bleeding nose problem. Everyone in the precinct knows what he's like. Seen him come in the next morning after a night out with bruises on his throat or wrists. Hell, he'd fucking bragged about it.

"And I'll believe that when I hear him say it." Hank crosses over to them and wedges a thick arm between them. "Back off."

Nate steps back, and Gavin scrambles to get behind Hank, even as he hates himself for it.

"You really don't need to get involved in this," Nate says.

"I think I do."

Nate looks down at Hank's hand, still pushing against his chest. He smiles thinly and grabs the lieutenant's wrist.

"You really …" Nate leverages his arm down the way only a machine could. "Don't."

Hank struggles in the impromptu arm wrestling contest, staring as his hand gets mechanically pushed away. Nate glances down too with a smirk.

Then Hank throws a sudden left hook directly into the android's throat. It's a sucker punch, but there's no use fighting fair against a GJ500. He doesn't need to breathe of course, but his access port is at the back of his neck, with enough delicate little connections right behind his approximation of a windpipe—now crushed—for him to automatically take a step back and raise his hands to protect his throat.

Hank steps forward with him but grabs his hair this time, while also kicking out at his legs. After that, it's just gravity. Head yanked forward, legs knocked backward, and the android's stupid high center of gravity up in his chest and shoulder with all those muscles working against him.

He topples like a child's toy and hits the ground hard. Hank doesn't waste any time in grinding the heel of his shoe down on the back of the android's neck threateningly, and Nate goes still in surrender.

"You good?" he asks Gavin.

"I have a brick."

Gavin half-holds up the brick he'd pulled out of the wall. Oo, wow, great job. In contrast to the voice sneering inside his head though, Hank nods approvingly.

"Nines said your heartrate spiked and asked me to check on you, in case you were just … having fun," Hank explains.

"Which is what I said," Nate speaks with his cheek still pressed into dirty snow-slush.

"People having fun don't pull a goddamn brick out of the wall to beat your face in, asshole," Hank snaps back.

Nate's LED snaps from yellow to red, like maybe he really hadn't thought of that. Like he really preconstructed he was doing Gavin some sort of favor or something.

Nines steps out the back door before anyone can say anything else, Connor peeking out behind him. That's just great. Why not get the whole precinct out here? Everyone can crowd on in and witness this little moment.

Nines's LED goes red too as he looks at Nate on the ground, Hank keeping him down, and then slowly rotates his head to look over at Gavin's busted up face. Gavin drops the brick and spits out another thick wad of blood.

"I did not interfere," Nines says, his voice far more furious than any machine has a right to be. "With your flirting and your … schemes. I would never restrict Gavin's happiness."

Wait, his goddamn what?

"But you hurt him! You touched my human—"

Nines snarls out the claim, and Gavin swears he can feel some sort of shift in barometric pressure, like right before a tornado hits.

"And you. Hurt. Him."

Nate stays on the ground. He lies very still and doesn't say a goddamn word, actually.

Gavin reaches out for Nines. He's not really sure what he's going to say, but the moment he holds out his hand, Nines whirls around, his LED switching from red to yellow. He moves so fast and—and Gavin's dated a lot of shitty people. Really shitty. Nate isn't exactly an anomaly. So he automatically expects Nines to be mad at him.

Instead, Nines takes his hand so tenderly, they could be in a gay historical period piece.

"Yes, darling?" he asks.

Gavin gapes at him. He's still not … not really making a facial expression. His face was literally built differently than Connor's, even if it looks the same at first glance. The most he can manage is a completely neutral look, but with intensely focused eyes, like he's about to glare a tax return out of existence.

So no, Nines has never looked at Gavin the way Nate did.

But that doesn't mean he hasn't looked at him.

With …

… love?

Gavin finally finds his voice. "Hank. Can I go see Sumo?"

"Sure," Hank says easily. "Nines can bring you over, and you two just hang out for a bit."

Yeah, he bitches about Hank and Connor being Fowler's favorites and how Hank still doesn't get in before ten most mornings, but they're a lot better now. Good enough that he'll dog sit again sometimes, or get himself roped into a "family dinner" between Nines and Connor.

But this …

Gavin nods, throat all clenched up again.

"Yes," Nines answers for him. "I will take you to a secure location. Yes?"

All it takes is one more nod, and Nines is whisking him away out of the alley, but not through the station. They walk around the building instead so no one inside can see his face and ask questions, until they reach the parking lot, and then his truck. Nines unlocks it with his mind or something, opens the backdoor, and gently bullies Gavin into sitting down sideways in the backseat with his legs hanging out the door so Nines can fuss over his face.

"S'fine," he tries to protest.

Nines grabs the spare medical kit he keeps under the backseat and lays it in his lap. Gotta have one for all the bar fights he, well. That he used to get into. Sure as fuck can't afford hospital visits.

"I tried … so hard … not to … miscalculate," Nines says, voice overlaid with static.

Gavin tries to hold his face still so his partner can wipe all the blood off. "Mish-cal-coo-ate whah?"

"Jealous partners are bad."

Gavin blinks and stares at him. "Bad."

"It is … abusive."

Gavin opens his mouth and looks around the parking lot, as if the ghosts of all his actually abusive exes are going to show up, point their fingers, and laugh.

He brushes away Nines' fussy hands. "Is that why you've been ignoring me?"

Nines goes from yellow to red again. "No. Not … ignoring. Solving the case. In absence of … social module. Appropriate preconstructions. I … solving the case would make them leave. And I would have you to myself again."

He admits the last part quietly. Gavin feels like he just found out two plus two equals sixty-seven.

"You—at the party though," he insists. "You didn't say shit to me. You just hunkered down in the corner with Con … Connor. Who has a social module."

Nines nods. "Correct. I asked … for advice … to …"

He trails off and flutters his hands around Gavin's face again, then settles on carefully touching his chest, right over his heart. His big blue eyes stare at him like he's the most important person in the world.

Gavin feels his heart lurch up into his throat and pulls Nines closer by the back of his neck before remembering that even without all the blood only half wiped away, he can't kiss with a nose that's not quite broken, but still pretty goddamn close.

"Babe, just tell me," he says instead. "Phck, I have a social module. And I'm the—the relevant party. Your partner. Just fucking ask if you're not sure of something."

Nines looks down.

"The only reason." Gavin stops and swallows hard. "I even—with Nate. Was because we haven't talked about, y'know. Us. So I didn't know if, if you wanted to like, date me. Or if you were just experimenting and stuff."

Nines' whole face crinkles up in a frown. Cyberlife let him keep that expression. All the "scary" ones.

"You are my partner," the android says. "But you are also human. You have needs I cannot—"

"Absolutely the fuck not," Gavin interrupts. "You're mine. I chose you."

Nines looks up and hits him with those blue eyes again. "And are you mine as well?"

"Yeah." Gavin clears his throat. "You uh, might have to remind me though."

Nines decides the best course of action is clearly to drag Gavin closer and growl in his ear. Literally growl, like the giant unstoppable predator he is. Gavin shivers—and maybe whimpers a little—and presses closer.

"I will take you home and keep you safe and never let anyone else ever touch you," Nines says, petting his hair.

Gavin sighs in bliss.

"But you will be happy too," Nines states more quietly. "Yes?"

Gavin nods into his shoulder. Yeah. He's going to be happy. They'll both be happy.

Together.

***

this is another commissioned fic! my rates are $10 for 1k / $25 for 3k / or $40 for 5k, and you can also check out my patreon for my main reed900 series here ^^

#reed900 #gavin reed #dbh #dbh fic #dbh fanfic #my writing

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