#That’s kind of the plan tonight or so
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The evolution of Kat (complete with better lighting in the third image thanks to the MELLO mod, hence the brightness)--
Same face, just different hair.
#visuals. ❖﹙ another sun sets down behind me ⋄ another day comes crashing in. ﹚#Yeah I made a few icons last night but not many#That’s kind of the plan tonight or so
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Hot take: Even though I love that he beat the Miquellallegations, pre-dlc Mohg was so much better and had a lot to go for in terms of power, potential and how conniving and dedicated he was to achieve his goal. I miss him.
Also the premises for a Lord of Blood ending were right there. It would've been an interesting alternative option where you as a player, not only as a Tarnished, are giving up both your role as main character and your quest to become Elden Lord, thus letting someone else seize that opportunity.
I understand Miquella's plan for godhood and the creation of a gentler world (which is still ultimately destined to fail if we intervene and avoid having our heart stolen by him), but it removed so much agency from Mohg in particular, in my opinion.
#i'm feeling daring tonight#been disappointed for more than two months over the lack of the lord of blood/era of blood and love ending#even though this is my opinion feel free to disagree#it's probably just be being butthurt because there was so much buildup for an ending like this#and yes i know that mohg's robe describes him as a raving lunatic#but one can still hope. and dream#i just feel like all the previous lore for him has been thrown out of the window in favour of the 'miquella is the villain' twist#which is incredible on its own but at the same time it's said that the whole point of the dynasty crumbled as soon as the dlc was released#also i might be wrong so please don't attack me lol#the whole plan about acquiring blood to awaken miquella was still part of his plan i suppose etc. etc.#elden ring shadow of the erdtree#shadow of the erdtree#elden ring spoilers#shadow of the erdtree spoilers#mohg lord of blood#miquella the kind#miquella the unalloyed#(whatever tags work for him now)#mohgwyn dynasty#elden ring
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every time i remember that scully babytrapped mulder i have to lie down
#she was truly CRAZY for that#she just wants everything from him and to see him in everything and do everything with him :(#wanting someone to be a part of your children is like a whole other kind of love and devotion#anyway unrelated but my plans changed so i can watch reduxes tonight after all
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Slept for like eight hours. It was beautiful.
#random personal stuff#this is the one day of the week that I don't have morning obligations and I am going to make the most of it#I have to work this afternoon#probably fine since I'll be the only one there besides a student worker so no Nonsense#and then I have plans with a friend tonight#I kind of hope she'll cancel#for whatever reason a lot of social obligations that would normally be fun haven't been lately#and after this week I'd like some peace and quiet and not needing to perform for anyone#but whatever happens it will be fine
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was supposed to go to dinner tonight w the friend who canceled on me for brunch on sunday but she canceled again so now i’m like well… should i take myself out to dinner this time too
#funnily enough we had plans to go to the same place tonight that i went to sunday#could go to the place we were supposed to go to sunday for dinner tonight#but they don’t have as nice a patio. and this friend likes going there so i’m kind of tired of their food#i wish more places had their OUTDOORS set up already!! chop chop im ready to sit on your patio!! let’s go!#chatpost#i probably oughtta not go to a restaurant again tho haha. expensie
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the burnout is real lads . . . . .
#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents#it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today#and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am#and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly#and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession#and it's like#neither of us have lost the passion for it???#it's not that we hate our jobs#it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just.#no longer getting results.#i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero#not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly#because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes#i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . .#i still need to write three planning documents for tonight#one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it#but my god#i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three#i'm so close to the end though . . . . .#just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship#of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents#and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony)#but god . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . .#once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . .#i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;
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if i’m being honest, my mental batteries are badly drained bc of the day’s events and then pushing myself to hang out with my sister when i knew i didn’t have the energy to do it. i’m really excited to write!! i wanna bug y’all and shout about muses!! and i feel bad to not be here after being away so much, but i need to recharge. i’ll write and chat tomorrow when i can devote more energy to it! pls have a very wonderful night and an even better week!!
#get ready to ramble | ooc#i didn’t expect my sister to wanna hang out and i couldn’t say no#and any other day it would’ve been fine but tonight i feel overstimulated and a lil weepy as a result#i need to be a mindless rock for a lil bit and then get some sleep uvu#and y’all are always so kind and reassuring and patient but i still hate to not be here when i planned on it ;;#i just!! really wanna shower y’all with writing and love on y’all#pls know it’s gonna happen even if i’m slow about it!!
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good morning!! <3
#i'm so tempted to go back and rewatch like my genshin f/os' character demos/teasers#it's been a moment lol#my other plans are mainly the same today#had a huge headache yesterday so i didn't play much (plus i got pulled to navigate somewhere for my mom lol)#so today should be better#i feel pretty good rn so i should have the mental energy to make some progress ^^#ooh and my genshin anniversary is tomorrow hehe#two full years of playing this game :3#anyways~#i hope today/tonight is kind to you <3#morning rambles
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#i doubt i'll be able to sleep now because i am full or rage right now and i want to go murder my father#that said... i am feeling better than last night when i couldn't pinpoint my emotions lol#last night i was worried i wasn't sad/worried enough and thus not normal#tonight i'm planning murder so i know i can still feel shit sjnfjsg#anyways my entire body is boiling hot and my head hurts now so that's not fun but whatever#i wish death upon my father and my uncle can go eat shit too (although I have no proof to justify those feelings lol)#i have no family... none#my aunt and uncle from one side are the shittiest people i have ever met and their son is a monster#my father is the most pathetic little worm on the face of the earth who sometimes manages to conjure up feelings in me#feelings of hate and rage#my uncle on that side is another pathetic little useless man who doesn't really conjure up any feelings in me#my grandma is dying but even when she was alive she had what i can only assume were mental health problems which made her push everyone away#the rest of the grandparents are dead#the only woman in my family who had some amount of kindness and love was my grandma from my stupid ass father's side#and i sadly didn't appreciate her enough while she was living :/#that's it... the only loving kind and understanding people left are my mom and my brother...#it's us three against the fucking world huh?#fuck that's depressing...#anyways...#i'm gonna try to distract myself with other shit until I can't be awake anymore#fingers crossed that happens soon (and that i die in my sleep)#angel talks#personal
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it is unfortunate when i go to prayer and cry my eyes out and the only response i really hear is that i simply have to bear it. like usually i can get my emotions out and once they’re settled i hear a rational solution but it sucks when i don’t get the answer i want. i just have to keep waiting. like normally i hear something that gives me strength but wow apparently i’ve hit a new low
#literally all my problems would be so much easier to deal with if i had friends#and normally i’d be told ‘do this and you’ll probably find friends’#my plan has always been just to wait for someone to find me bc i’m horribly shy and antisocial#even though logically i know that’s a bad way of going about it#my logical rational analytical brain has always been obsessed with finding concrete answers. it’s always been ‘what can *I* do’#so even when i suffer there’s a part of me that says ‘it’s ok once i’m done crying i can work this out and go right back to trying’#i’ve been emotionally dead for years but i’ve always held onto faith like that#tonight i feel like i’ve been brought low. i feel like i’ve finally been told that i might just have to wait after all#which i might think would be comforting bc it absolves me of responsibility#but it’s actually crushing bc it absolves me of power#i feel like i’m finally facing the realization that i’m powerless and pathetic and i’m never going to be able to fix myself#that i can try as hard as i want but i can’t shake off this cross#but i don’t know how long i have to wait for someone to find me#and even if they find me how do i not fumble it#my first instinct is to push people away bc i assume they’re not really interested they’re just trying to be nice#which is usually true#i don’t even know how to sustain casual friendships and im so desperately in need of deep ones#i can’t open up to someone without just breaking apart and making it clear how pathetic i am#one would think i ought to find someone better than myself who can fix me#but on the other hand i think the only time that the good parts of me come out is when im facing someone even worse than me#like i have a tendency to morph into the opposite of the other person in any given situation to maintain healthy balance#so like when surrounded by extroverts which is almost always i become an introvert#it’s rare to meet an introvert but then i become stronger and more extroverted around them. like something in me just loves helping others#even though i can’t help myself#what do i pray for? a fellow pathetic person? or someone with the patience and kindness and life knowledge of a saint?#will either of them really be found just by chance in my life?#and even if i do meet someone. truly i wish they’d also be lonely. i want them to need me#i don’t want to be a pity charity case. like a side project for someone with real friends already
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Excited about tonight, I hope it doesn’t rain.
#by bug#my plans for last night got rained out even tho it wasn’t actually that bad#kind of sucked though bc I was looking forward to the plans with friends all week#we moved them to next week anyway#tonight is another date night and I’m nervous but it should be fun again#I really appreciate how kind and communicative she is#also she is way out of my league lol#people keep telling me not to say that but it’s true!!#when she walked up to me last week I was like. what. THIS girl wanted to meet ME?#then I was like ‘omg you’re so beautiful in person’ and right after it was like fuck lmao#I didn’t mean to say it like that/imply she wasn’t beautiful in her pics aldndkfnfn#I’m so fucking awkward
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Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently
#.txt#Is efficiently the right word. Diary entry incoming.#Going back and forth in recent days with feeling okay with one sided social stimulation and that's just kind of how my brain works#And recognizing I will not look like a well rounded person because I'm not able to maintain other people's interest in an acquaintanceship#It is likely. At least some part due to like labor isolation and all I do is work I do not have life events to interest people#All I can talk about is video games but incredibly limits the social pool because I like bad games.#And also to some degree distrust and the assumption my presence is unwanted. Which I've been working on a lot!#Today in particular is probably just a bad day.#And I have been very focused on life plans for the past week or so which has become very daunting#Planning on starting a business this year. Which is probably why I'm stressing about being able to reach people.#As it will become financially relevant and not just a personal failing I have accepted.#Reasonably it is probably a therapy thing to address being so afraid of other people. But I do not want to go to therapyyyy I'll do it.#Myself.#Normally.#Not dipping into woe is me I have no one territory at least as bad as I did when I was younger. Recognizing a pattern that I am enacting.#My responsibility to improve. Yada yada. I just wish it was a bit easier to feel my like. Presence.#And the constant improvement mindset straying into never good enough is very difficult to avoid.#And it's not a matter of being a good enough person to have close relationships. But I think its easiest to ascribe personal failure#When you are unable to do something. Well the most likely culprit is probably never leaving the house and being undiagnosed.#Which I can arguably do things about.#Also I'm tired. But I'm going to work on my resume tonight anyway and hope tummy pain passes and maybe talking to people will be easier#Another day.
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could you tell us a little more about your headcanons for infection!verse gatty as parents (and little ava too if you have any)
Ahhh thank you for sending this in and indulging me in this Talk Shop Tuesday situation!! (Can I make that officially a thing? I want to make it officially a thing!)
But yes!! Okay Infection Verse Gatty as parents!
Fictional!George is the fun parents and Fictional!Matty is the strict one - he is also super nervous and terrified about everything and can be a little helicopter-y until Fictional!George reels him in. He's always like "WTF how are you so calm right now?!" and Fictional!George is like "umm I've been in love with your dumb ass for over twenty years at this point. I'm used to it."
Fictional!Matty is a very involved parent - he's at every school event and activity he can possibly be at, he volunteers at school and in the classroom, he is determined to make sure Ava never feels like a burden to his parents the way he did and he loves her so, so much. Some of the other parents are a little taken aback by him, they obviously know *who* he is and were NOT expecting him to be so hands on. (You better believe Fictional!Matty is making cookies for the bake sale and of course he's willing to drive the girls to football/soccer practice Brenda... he's also not above making a donation to the underfunded school programs, anonymously of course.) Fictional!George is also at every event and activity, but leaves most of the volunteering to Fictional!Matty- he is however the designated homework parent.
Ava physically looks a lot like Fictional!Matty, dark curly hair, dark eyes, petite, however even though she is not biologically his, she has Fictional!George's personality. Very caring and can be quiet, and does have an explosive temper that sometimes makes an appearance. To the dismay of both of her parents, (not that they would ever let her know that!) she has absolutely no interest in music whatsoever. Ava is a sports girlie through and through. Which, paired with Fictional!Matty's genetics means she is a bit accident prone, at least in her youth, and Fictional!Matty gets to spend more time than he ever expected in the A&E waiting room- not as a patient this time but a very freaked out father who is going to ask the doctor thirty times if she is sure that doesn't need stitches while Ava and Fictional!George try not to laugh. They continue to to be close with Fictional!Matty's family - Ava loves her Uncle Louis, Fictional!George's family is another story... maybe another fic?
Thank you so much for sending this in omg i could go on FOREVER about this little universe I love it so much! If anyone wants to chat more about it please don't hesitate to reach out!! Thank you so much for the continued support, I hope you're having a lovely Tuesday and that you have a wonderful rest of the week!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#fanfiction#keep it kind#matty fic#gatty#fanfic#headcanons#the infection verse#infection verse fic#infection verse#infection fic verse#the infection verse fic#the infection fic verse#head canons#also i have a few asks about on a friday#im going to answer those tonight!!#i wanna make sure people who are planning on reading have enough time to do so before i start spoiling things#by discussing it on tumblr lol#thank you so much for this!!#talk shop tuesday#if anyone else wants to talk shop if you will#please send my way!!#this is fun#thank you again for this one!!
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MIKEY WAY YOU ARE SO INCREDIBLY STRAIGHTFORWARD ABOUT EVERRYTHING I LOVE YOU
#like. logically this kind of forethought and planning is a good idea#a great one even#but just casually going “so are we gonna hook up tonight” in the middle of a conversation is just. v fnny#ez.txt
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ohh i have good friends
#marzi speaks#was gonna go get dinner with my brother and a friend tonight#they weren’t able to respond for a few hours so i assumed plans fell through and went forward with that mindset#then they and my brother were able to decide on smth last minute#i am. low spoons socially rn#and i was struggling to decide whether i should go or not#friend gets here. they talk with me about it#i’m getting frustrated bc i can’t form the words i wanna form#i want to spend time with them but i have all this shit to do and god i’m tired but i want to hang out with my friends#i cry a bit. they hug me and encourage me#eventually i (through a tight throat) go ‘i think i need to sit this one out’ bc i’m at a point of distress where it just won’t be fun#and they hug me again go ‘no worries there’s always next time’ and head out with my brother#that’s a good fucking friend. they wanted to spend time with me and when i recognized a limit i had reached they respected it#anyways. i need to cry a bit. give myself a distraction. maybe a meal of some kind#and then i can get back to work. but they were really sweet and i wanna make sure i internalize that i’m cared about
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#went out on the town tonight to the so-called sketchiest area (i find it delightful)#met some friends at a café and then we strolled for a while#ended up at a cute french bar and drank orange wine#then headed to a famous noodle place and bumped into some other people they knew who joined us#the five of us ate noodles and i had an intense conversation with a mexican woman#we were discussing the way the complaint about 'immigrants not learning the language' can be understood two ways#as an american i'm very sensitive to that phrase because i'm accustomed to it being used as a subtle indicator of anti-immigrant sentiment#and here in germany it's unfortunately often used that way too so i always look closely at anyone who says that#but she pointed out that in mexico you kind of just do have to learn spanish if you want to live there successfully#so when she hears germans saying 'immigrants should learn german' she just thinks 'well yeah of course we should'#and i said yeah fair point#i think two important distinctions are 1) why did the immigrants in question come to a different country#and 2) how do we treat them when they don't learn their new country's language very rapidly#because i may be a hypocrite but i'll be honest:#i feel very differently toward a rich white american who comes to berlin 'because it's just so cool'#and doesn't put much effort into learning german 'because everyone speaks english anyway'#than i do towards a refugee who comes here fleeing death and already speaks e.g. both arabic and english#i'm inclined to give the latter a lot more leeway#sure they should do their best to learn german soon if they're planning to stay here for good#but i personally refuse to judge them in the slightest if they take a little while to make that happen#cosmo gyres#personal#language#immigration
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