#but regardless i should have a good time with it ^^

[humming-fly]

Wonder what it's like to feel grass under your feet for the first time in your life. Wonder how it feels knowing you'll be the one to destroy it.

[crimsonmochi]

Prompt. Full-heartedly believe Choso is the goodest most pathetic boy for his partner ever. And not just when it comes to sex, just everything. He just loves you so much :( I can't prove it, but I can write about it. Smut included.

Choso, who just doesn't know what he would do if you weren't there. I mean, this boy gets lost so easily because of how much he wanders, he has to call you because he gets upset and has zero sense of direction.

"I don't know how to get home."

"Why did you leave?"

"I saw a kitty and I wanted to pet it."

Choso, who pouts, and he pouts a lot. He pouts when he doesn't understand something you're explaining, he pouts when he wants something, and he pouts when he doesn't get what he wants. Will act like you killed his whole family if you don't give him kisses right now.

Choso, who needs to be touching you at all times in some way, or he panics and thinks you don't love him anymore. The first time you gently push his hand away from your waist in public due to being overstimulated at the mall, he nearly has a breakdown going over every single thing he's said and done in the past week.

He told Yuji about it the next day, explaining that he will literally end his life if you leave him and telling him he had to help.

"Just make some sort of big gesture. You should be fine."

Choso decorated your bed with some flower petals the next day, found out he was allergic to pollen, and was sneezing throughout his apology. Apology you didn't know was for, but you forgave him regardless, nursing him back to health in your arms until he didn't have the sniffles from the pollen anymore.

Choso who was a virgin when you met him and remained one for a good part of your relationship, entirely confused when his dick would get hard when you held his hand? Love, why does it do that? It hurts. He couldn't look you in the eye for a bit after you had explained it, embarrassed and flustered.

Choso had to be shown everything bit by bit. He complained when you showed him porn because it's not you, so why would I watch it. Makes no sense.

Choso who, after that session, tried to masturbate, but it wasn't working. He was clumsy with his movements, too needy and eager, and didn't even know what he was supposed to be chasing. Until he thought about you smiling at a joke he made earlier, and before he knew it, he came all over your bedsheets.

Choso tried to hide what happened from you but couldn't lie when you asked why he was hauling your bedsheets into the washing machine on a weekday, meekly trying to put together the situation with words. After explaining, he asked if he needed to go see a doctor.

"That's normal, babe."

"Are you sure? Felt like I got possessed for a moment, maybe we have a ghost."

He couldn't understand why you laughed at that but was thankful for the reassurance that he wasn't dying.

Choso, who begged you to take his virginity a month later, whining about the wet dreams he had been having about you, confused about what it meant, but it had to mean something.

Choso spent an hour just feeling and looking at your body, unsure where to place his hands, where you liked being touched, where you didn't. He spent so much time asking questions, wanting to please and be good for you, that he only remembered how desperate he was when you finally took control, something blooming in his stomach as you gave him orders.

Choso, who discovered he cums fast and from almost nothing. He shuddered when you took his length in your hand, his back arching off the mattress as a soft whimper escaped his lips, shooting ropes of cum onto his stomach.

Choso, who discovered that going down on you was his favourite thing to do of all time. For a week straight, that's all he wanted to do; he wouldn't understand why you couldn't just stay under him all the time as he feasted. Has orgasms from it, too, completely untouched, just whining and moaning between your legs like a kicked puppy.

Choso, who pouts at you when you don't let him give you head.

Choso, who loves to be called a good boy, lives for it. In and out of the bedroom, it's like you saying "I love you" to him. Honestly has a bad day if you don't say it.

He is your good boy, and you will call him that.

Choso, who refuses to brat out because how can he be your good boy if he acts up. Days are filled with "yes ma'am," "no ma'am," and "right away." If anyone were to witness, they'd think you're running a tight ship military, but it's just your handsome man on his best behaviour as always.

Choso, who never argues. Not because of anything in particular; he's just not wired that way. He listens too well, is in tune with your emotions and his, and adapts fast. He just wants to make your life easier, and if you want the trash taken out at 8:31 instead of 8:30, then he'll be damned if he doesn't make that happen.

Choso, whose personal therapy is laying his head in your lap while you braid a strand or two. He loves the gentle tug on his scalp, loves your fingers in his hair, and loves to look up at you and see how focused you are.

Choso, who needs to feel helpful and wants you to depend on him the same way he depends on you, sometimes goes out of his way to make himself feel indispensable because he likes how it makes him feel. Once stole your schedule only to memorize it and recite it by heart when you mysteriously couldn't find it, the biggest smile on his face when you thanked him.

Choso, who could make out with you for hours on end just to feel your fingers playing with his baby hairs once. Nearly gets off on it.

Choso, who likes to shower with you only for the soap and shampoo part. He likes to be taken care of, your hands on his body as you lather him up properly, his eyes closed and his mind sleepy. Double points if you're taking a bath instead.

Choso, who lays in bed every night with you and tells you he loves you, why, for what traits, for what you give him and what you make of him.

Choso, who could write a whole essay about you, would never be done, could never run out of things to say.

Choso, who just loves you so much, needs you forever, no matter what.

[mangled-by-disuse]

One of the things I have struggled with since I first got sick (ME/CFS followed by a shittonne of other joint, neurological, hormonal, and musculoskeletal problems, if you don't know) is that, like... I had Done The Things? I did exercise, I ate kale (perhaps excessively I love fresh kale), I had tried mediation (...I mean, I sucked at it, but whatever) and yoga and so on, I tried to have a positive attitude, I generally had a pretty good diet... I wasn't a health freak or anything but I DID do all The Things.

And I still got sick in a way that absolutely destroyed the life I had at the time, and it wasn't even an infection or something else obviously external. I did the Things and my body still gave up on me.

That was around 15-16 years ago, and, like, health-wise I am so much better, but I'm thinking about it again because a similar thing is happening in my career progression. I did the Things for that, too: I pushed through my health issues to get good grades, I studied a STEM field at a well-regarded university, I've been continuously in work since I was 12 years old, I do all my work conscientiously, I humble myself and don't refuse work because I'm "too good for it", and I have always been one of the hardest workers in any job I'm at.

And I'm still unemployed at 31, having been unhappy in a series of jobs where I don't think management particularly liked me either, and with no real career direction? I've never had a performance raise or a promotion, and I've never managed to stay in a job more than the 3.5 years in my last one. And it feels so unfair, because, like. I Did The Things!

POINT BEING

the Things are a lie. There isn't a checklist of Things You Should Do that will ensure that you are happy, or healthy, or make a good career, or attract the person you want to attract. It's important to try, obviously, and some of the Things will make you feel better regardless - but there's not a roadmap to health or to success.

And I don't think people tell you there is, or convince themselves there is, out of malice or stupidity or anything like that. I think it's just really scary to face how much of life is luck and chance and the way existing systems interact with them, and how much we simply have no control over.

We want to believe life is fair, that success or failure are the result (if only in part) of one's own actions and choices. One of the first concepts that toddlers learn is "it's not FAIR!" - because even then, they know it should be.

But it's not fair, maybe especially when it comes to disability and illness. There's no secret trick to get you out of it, or to stop you falling in. There are no Things.

It doesn't mean stop trying, because there will be things you can do to make yourself feel better. But they might not be the things you expect, or the Things you expect. Those are only ever a suggestion, not a roadmap.

"here's what you have to do to stay healthy!" no it's not. and there is no guarantee that anyone will stay healthy for any length of time. it must be so scary believing that you are in control of this and then being proven wrong. I can't remember ever believing this, I can only remember having it used as a bludgeon to punish me for not being healthy. lol

[ironicsoap]

What I've learned from making 2 fursuits!

I've learned a TON from the process of both of these suits, making my 2nd suit I improved on a lot of stuff I had learned from the first! Here's stuff I would've liked to know before I started either of these

For reference, the white cat suit's name is Sophie and she was made first. The blue one is Raine, and she was made second! I'll be referring to them throughout this.

I've learned nearly everything I know about sewing and these types of craft projects from making these 2 suits, I haven't had any prior experience. This is all very much advice From a beginner TO beginners, experienced makers may say some of this is wrong, this is just my lived experience written down. I figured I'd write all this now while it's fresh in my mind! When you get experienced at doing stuff, you tend to forget what problems you faced as a beginner.

Fur Bulk

Fur bulk is REAL and a MASSIVE PROBLEM when making your sculpt. Regardless of what method you use to make your base, 3D printed or foam. Depending on how short you can shave your fur, fur bulk will add about 1cm - 0.5cm of thickness to your base

Look how much her mouth closed up from the base sculpt! I ended up still loving the end result, but it was a bit unexpected. (Despite learning about fur bulk from my first suit, and ALSO testing fur bulk in Blender with a fur particle system when I was making the sculpt for this head.)

Raine's ear is an unfortunate victim of fur bulk still, but I didn't have time to remake it how I wanted it. I even tried to make it slimmer on purpose since Sophie's ear ended up so stupidly thick 😭

Seam Allowance & Stitches

(Talking PURELY about hand sewing, I've never used a sewing machine, I cannot give any advice for that)

You should be using a blanket or whip stitch for most of your fursuit, in terms of speed and seams, they are the most effective! Whip stitch for most of your face, it's going to be glued down.. so truly you just need the fabric together and not SECURE since it'll be glued. Use the blanket stitch for things like paws or stuff that's more likely to pop a seam (ears? tails? etc)

More experienced suit makers might say use blanket for everything, that may be more correct 🤷‍♀️ Whip/Blanket are nearly the same stitch, blanket is just more secure than a whip stitch, takes a little longer, and uses slightly more thread. I haven't timed other stitches, but the blanket takes me about 5 minutes per inch to do.

On Sophie, I had made up my own bizarre version of a backstitch that was stupidly strong.. but also took a million years to do. It also made my paws near IMPOSSIBLE to turn inside out. Sewing raines face together with a whip stitch was way quicker!

For your face pattern, use next to no seam allowance for the cleanest look. The areas that I added seam allowance on Raine, I really regretted the bulged out look they had. If you aren't confident in your pattern making ability, some seam allowance does give you some wiggle room in terms of how easily your pattern fits onto your base

Designing your suit for airflow

This wasn't actually a problem for me, I did this from the start. But I've worn suits that weren't designed for proper ventilation, and it really just makes suiting a very unpleasant experience. You want to have a mouth hole that is right in front of your own mouth, so you can easily get fresh air in your suit. I'm not saying you HAVE to do this, as not all designs can accommodate this, but it's absolutely something to think about for your comfort!

Another thing I've learned, is the roomier your suit is around the mouth hole, the more overall airflow you get! I tried on my friends head which I sculpted, and they printed in TPU, significantly roomier than Raine, and much more breathable! Raine is still comfortable for me to wear even masked underneath, since I made her ventilation so good!

My future suits I make, I'm going to be looking into TPU due to the sheer weight and breathability difference from my PLA suit!

Non-Fur Supplies

I highly recommend getting hand sewing needles and EVA foam at Daiso if you have one! Daiso has lots of little sewing kits, and I got both of my main needles there. The little circle disks of needles you can find at other stores didn't have needles that were the right size and shape for my hands to comfortably use. Daiso also sells EVA foam in the smaller amounts that you'd need for a suit, unlike hardware stores which usually sell giant square packs of 5

For handsewing, I noticed going for the slightly thicker thread lead to stronger seams overall.

For what you should have in a sewing kit for fursuit, here's what I have (ranked by importance)

Multiple handsewing needles you're comfortable with, just in case you lose one

Pins

Wonder clips (the little plastic rainbow clips) ABSOLUTELY necessary for suit making honestly, they work better than pins in most situations

Seam ripper

Soft measuring tape

Some generic white and/or black thread, as well as your fursuits thread

Safety pins

Overall helpful fursuit supplies

Velcro patches

Masking tape

Duck/Duct Tape

Have garbage shitty scissors, and separate scissors JUST for fabric. Your fabric scissors will remain sharp for much longer if you don't use them on other stuff. (3rd pair of scissors that's not used on tape/sticky stuff, but thread and paper also is helpful. The garbage scissors can get gunky when cutting tape, and your medium scissors remain sharp enough to easily cut other stuff)

Xacto knife + LOTS of new blades. The blades go dull FAST when cutting fur and foam. If you're having to use a lot of pressure to cut through your fur's backing, that means you need a new blade

Box cutter + LOTS of new blades for box cutter. I have a Kobalt box cutter, it's nearly as sharp as my xactos. I use it for cutting out big sections of fur and foam.

I get my eye mesh from Curlworks! I love the visibility on it ^_^

Fur Brands

In terms of my fur company quality rankings, it would be this (I've tried fur from a million different companies on my sample hunt for Raine)

1. Howl Fabrics 2. BigZFabrics 3. MofuMofu.shop

Howl overall is the most dense, relatively soft, and best to shave out of all 3. (Canfur is of very similar quality to Howl, except it has a mild crayon or carpet smell. The smell wears off completely after around 6-7 months, at least on the small sample I got)

BigZ is kind of like a middle ground, but shaves HIGHLY powdery compared to the other 2. As well as shaves a little worse/choppy compared to better quality fur.

MofuMofu is the least dense out of the 3, but I would consider the softest. Best if they have a niche color you need. The fur tends to clump together when it is shaved like sheep wool, and is less powdery than BigZ.

Random furs from etsy are usually LQ/MQ and patchy on their density, not great for shaving super short

Fur Shaving / Length

If you're going for a high quality look on your suit, you want SHORT fur for the face, full-stop. Every suit I've seen that's truly made me go WOW has always had VERY short face fur. Shorter fur shows the look of your sculpt better, instead of hiding it all behind any lumpy fur bulk or unbrushed sections. (Brushing fur doesn't last very long after a suit's been put on haha)

If you can buy your fur in shorter lengths like teddy/beaver, ABSOLUTELY do so. It'll make your shaves much shorter and cleaner. The longer your fur is, is the harder it is to get it to a "HQ" shave length. I personally couldn't get Raine as short as I wanted her to be 😩 But her colors are niche, so I couldn't locate them in shorter fur lengths

Once your suit is complete, don't be afraid to go in there with scissors and your clippers to clean up the fur+markings as well! Raine's mouth opened up a LOT more when i trimmed it down to shape with my scissors

Pattern Making

Avoid putting any seams down the middle of your face, it is noticeable! This is roughly how my pattern for Raine worked, I think the eyebrows helped disguise that horizontal middle seam really well! (the fur from the "eyebrow" piece covers the seam to the forehead piece as it is brushed over it!) I also made the nose bridge it's own piece, to utilize the visible seam to create a crease for it.

I also recommend avoid making any + shaped intersections on your seams if you can avoid it, it's really hard to sew cleanly😭 Sometimes they're unavoidable, but I try my best to avoid doing them.

Wearability

I'm not sure how much this applies to foam suits, but I really recommend using some elastic, a parachute clip, and some velcro to make an adjustable strap to keep your suit on your head! I tried to use foam on Sophie to get a snug fit, it did not work and made her struggle to stay on. The elastic strap on Raine is way better and more secure.

Misc / Random

When making your ears, you don't necessarily need to sew the minky/inner ear onto the fur parts! You can get a much flatter look on your minky if you just glue it on seperate, and have the fur not connected to it

(Specifically for beginner suit makers making personal projects) Not everything has to be perfect! No one will notice your little imperfections, and you don't have to make a nice product for a client. You can leave some things unsewn, you can have tiny bits of foam show from weird angles. You can hot glue some things instead of sewing them to save time. You can have small accidental bald spots. You can have little unsewn holes in corners if it's too hard to sew around those parts. Take it easy on yourself!

You may spring for fleece to save some money on buying minky, I honestly recommend not doing this. Minky feels significantly nicer, and minky from Howl is really not that much more than some fleece, for small pieces like inner mouths, noses, ears, etc, all you need is a "Fat Quarter" sized piece. It's more than enough! And only $6.50 (if you want fleece specifically, ignore this haha. I just regret going for fleece instead of minky on Sophie!)

Carving a foam base, to me, is the hardest part of suit making. So much so, that I never plan to do it again :P It's some people's thing, definitely not mine. If you've been frustrated with how your foam results turn out, consider 3D printing! Or buying a base from someone.

When looking for fursuit advice and tutorials, beyond the obvious places to look (matrices, youtube, google), I genuinely recommend Tiktok! A lot gets posted there for small niche problems you may have

Use this method for tying a knot on your thread when hand sewing, it's extremely fast https://youtu.be/LWWhRtxl6eE?si=AEt2HDiwp09AigOS

When making a 3D printed base, do not go too thin. I'd do test prints to see what thickness feels right to you, raine was about 0.5-0.7 cm but I wish she was a bit thicker because I worry a lot about her shattering 😨

Removeable eyes are very useful, if i get hair in my face I'm able to pop out Raine's eyes to move it out of my way x)

[charred-slime]

couch time

summary:

“You know,” he murmurs against your skin, his voice low and lazy, “I think we should make it a rule that no one’s allowed to interrupt couch time. Ever.” “I like it,” you reply, your voice light with amusement. “You gonna call up the president? Make it federal law?” “Nah,” he says, tilting his head to grin up at you. “We’ll just have to enforce it ourselves. Anyone who breaks the rule gets banished to dish duty for a month.” You laugh softly, the sound rumbling against his cheek. “Harsh punishment.” “Deserved punishment,” he counters with mock seriousness.

pairing: charlie x gn!reader

word count: 966.. bit short:(

a/n: cheesy asf as always, and a little shorter than my usual oneshots, but i hope yall enjoy regardless:)

ao3 link, if you prefer. otherwise, the fic's under the readmore!

Charlie was a tactile guy. It was one of the first things you’d noticed when you met him, and something you definitely noticed now that you were officially his partner.

It was during quiet evenings like these that it would really show. The two of you on his couch, limbs intertwined under a shared weighted blanket, with the TV playing the show you’d mutually agreed on binging for the foreseeable future. Beyond the cuddling that made it impossible to pinpoint where you ended and he began, there was the kissing. 

He would kiss damn near any surface of you he could get his lips on. Your shoulder and neck if he was laying on your chest, the top of your head if you were on his, and especially your hands no matter what position you laid in. As sweetly and tentatively as one may handle a precious piece of glass, he’d lift your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips. Each finger, from pinky to thumb, a soft peck on the knuckles of each. 

“Hey, that tickles,” you’d grumble halfheartedly, while simultaneously bringing your hand to wrap around his cheek and pull him closer. The dopey grin he gave was worth the act. Every time.

“Oh, you think that tickles?” He asks as if you’d handed him an invitation to be proven wrong, and leans in to kiss all over your face. You squeal and try to get away, but he’s right there to meet you. Your cheeks, jaw, temples, and the corner of your mouth. As the laughter dies down, he lands on your forehead, tender and sweet.

“You missed a spot.” You pucker your lips at him, extreme enough to be tastefully obnoxious. 

“Wuh– no way!” He exclaims, sarcastic, and leans in with equally annoying fervor. You think it’s cute. Only because it’s Charlie, really. 

Just as your lips are about to meet, a familiar ringtone peeps up from somewhere deeper into the house. Your phone lies on the kitchen counter, lit screen visible though text not legible. If someone’s calling you this late at night, it must be important. 

You shift on the couch to heft yourself off, when an armful of Charlie makes itself known to you. 

“Noo you can’t go. We’re so coozy and warm here.. Who’s gonna be my personal heater if you get up?” He tugs at your arm, resembling a 6 year old having a tantrum with how he shakes it incessantly. You roll your eyes, fond affection making a grin form on your face.

“And what if it’s important? Being warm and cozy takes priority over an emergency?” The way Charlie flops onto you, arms sliding around your torso, is plenty answer. You sigh.

“If I get another call in the next 3 minutes, I’m getting up. Deal?” He clutches your hand in his, shakes it, and leaves a kiss on the back of your hand for good measure. 

Charlie hums contentedly, snuggling back against you like a satisfied cat. His hair brushes your chin as he buries his face against your neck, and you can’t help but feel the corners of your lips tug upward. His warmth, his weight—everything about him feels like a grounding force, and you hate to admit you’re just as reluctant to leave this bubble of comfort as he is.

“You know,” he murmurs against your skin, his voice low and lazy, “I think we should make it a rule that no one’s allowed to interrupt couch time. Ever.”

“I like it,” you reply, your voice light with amusement. “You gonna call up the president? Make it federal law?”

“Nah,” he says, tilting his head to grin up at you. “We’ll just have to enforce it ourselves. Anyone who breaks the rule gets banished to dish duty for a month.”

You laugh softly, the sound rumbling against his cheek. “Harsh punishment.”

“Deserved punishment,” he counters with mock seriousness. “Couch time is sacred.”

The moment is so sweet you almost forget about the phone call entirely—until the screen lights up again. This time, the ringtone is accompanied by the faint buzz of the vibration against the counter. A second call.

Charlie groans dramatically, his arms tightening around you. “Nooo. You said three minutes!”

You glance at the clock on the wall. “It’s been two and a half, and besides, that’s two calls. It might actually be important.”

Charlie lets out a long, exaggerated sigh like the world is ending, but he doesn’t fight you as you shift to sit up. His hands trail down your arms as if he’s reluctant to let go, and just as your feet touch the floor, he grabs your wrist gently, pulling you back toward him.

“Wait,” he says softly. His tone is so different now—quieter, tender���that it makes you pause.

Before you can ask what’s wrong, he leans up and presses his lips to yours. It’s not one of his usual playful pecks or teasing kisses. This one lingers, slow and sweet, like he’s trying to tell you something words can’t quite convey. His hand cradles the side of your face, thumb brushing your cheek as his lips move against yours.

When he pulls back, his gaze meets yours, and there’s that familiar dopey grin again, but this time it’s laced with a hint of shyness. “Okay,” he says simply, releasing you with a squeeze of your hand.

You stare at him for a moment, your heart fluttering in your chest, before giving him a small smile in return. “I’ll be back in a sec,” you promise, standing and heading toward the kitchen.

As you answer the phone, your lips still tingling from the kiss as they greet (“hello?”), you can’t help but think about how Charlie’s touch seems to linger long after it’s gone.

[faejilly]

regret

so. literally seven years ago, I started a 'series of firsts' style fluff-fic(let collection) for Malec/Shadowhunters... and I think part of why I got stuck on it in particular (even beyond the not writing much for the last couple years) is because it is in fact supposed to be in chronological order following the show and I had hit a point where I needed a... not!fluff chapter, and I kept trying to just... skip the sad and write more fluff for the fluff fic.

But I'm writing a vignette series for a melodrama. So. Melodrama has been written, of Alec Lightwood Overthinking Things but not being wrong, so how is he supposed to stop? (This takes place after s2e12, which is the disaster of a body swap episode, for anyone not so obsessed with the show as to know that off the top of their heads)

It is not the first time Alec has known that he’s not good enough for Magnus. He’s always known that, since the first time he laid eyes on him.

It is the first time that he thinks Magnus might agree with him.

Magnus said he wanted some space. Tonight (just tonight implied but not stated by the softness of his voice, the brush of his fingers against the seam of Alec’s sleeve) Magnus wanted some quiet.

So Alec left Magnus alone, and now he’s standing in his institute bathroom staring into the institute mirror gripping the white porcelain edges of an institute sink, trying to decide if that was right.

He doesn’t think it was, but he’s not sure if it’s the space that’s wrong, or the just for tonight.

He knows which he wants it to be, but that’s irrelevant.

Magnus likes to retreat when he’s hurt, but that doesn’t mean that’s good for him; Alec might not have known Magnus for long, but he recognizes a protective flinch when he sees it. And if that’s the case, then Alec should in fact head right back out and refuse to let Magnus hide and hold him tight until Magnus feels like he's himself again.

But Alec didn’t believe what Magnus said too many times already, he can’t…

He can’t go against Magnus’ request, not now that he finally made one. Always letting Alec set the pace, waiting for Alec to reach out, for Alec to act, to ask, and when he finally lets himself say what he wants?

It’s less of Alec, rather than more.

Smart of him, of course. Alec would never blame him for it, especially not after Azazel and Valentine and Alec failing him in every way it was possible to fail. There has always been a disparity between what Magnus deserves and what Alec is capable of offering; perhaps it is too large of one to ever be overcome.

Only he knows he wants to keep trying.

He also knows that staring at his mirror and overthinking things is his own protective flinch.

Magnus said he doesn’t know what he needs. Alec is mostly sure that’s true, that if Magnus knew that Alec caused more harm than could possibly be worth it he would say so — but only mostly. Magnus has been abandoned too many times to be the person leaving unless he’s sure.

Not even then, perhaps.

Alec has some idea of how many times Magnus forgave Camille, and she was cruel on purpose, unlike Alec who keeps twisting the knife entirely by accident.

If Magnus won’t do it, Alec will have to. He refuses to walk Magnus down a road to hell paved by his own so-called “good intentions”. He’ll stay away forever if that’s better for Magnus, regardless of how Alec feels about it, will feel about it, will always feel about Magnus. It’s only right, not letting Magnus suffer the consequences of trying to be involved with–

Alec stops himself there.

Anything he thinks to call himself, any self-assessment he can manage right now, will be more severe than anything Magnus would think, or say, or even accept if Alec tried to say it, so it won’t help him decide what to do.

He has to figure out how to help in a way that Magnus will accept, and if he leads with a list of all his failures, Magnus will be happy to try and make Alec feel better and aggressively avoid letting Alec try to help him.

Alec doesn’t need to feel better. Aldertree’s gone, Isabelle’s back, (Imogen’s difficult but familiar), and Jace is, while still fucked up, at least not trying to smother the parabatai bond so tightly that Alec feels like he’s being strangled in his sleep every night.

So.

Alec sighs, lets go of the sink, forces his shoulders to relax.

This is the first time that Magnus has said he needs space, but considering the politics of their lives, even now that Valentine’s in custody (especially now, considering everything Herondale did to Magnus in Valentine’s name), it probably won’t be the last.

Alec can’t override that, not just because he’s sad and guilty and young and stupid.

He just has to learn better.

He’s always had to be better than he is, he’s not sure why he thought things with Magnus might be different.

That’s not Magnus’ fault though, and he can’t let himself start to think about it in terms of hopes dashed or desires failed because then he will be upset at the only person who has never ever let him down, despite all Alec’s failures and stumbles.

He doesn’t deserve Magnus, of course he doesn’t, but that’s all right. It’s Magnus’ turn to make a choice, and he can have all the time and space he needs to do so.

Alec will wait.

He’ll wait forever, if he has to.

He’ll wait past forever, this life and the next; he’s already made his choice.

[ultimatebottom69]

To start with, each music has a rythm it can be sung to, no one ever tries to sing Nightcore because it's too fucking fast especially without the rythm.

And singing is old as humanity but we decided to train ourselves.

All singers are trained on different levels. Most nowadays use some sort of autotune. To enhance their voice, make it go higher or deeper depending on it all. The studio version for most singers is impossible to sing easily because between the volume of the music, the enhanced effects of the voice and let's not forget the video clip. You end up not knowing half of the time what was said in the music and the rythm fades pretty fast.

For example Lady Gaga can sing Jazz and Pop both live. She can sing a pretty good range and had alot of power in her voice. Live implies that there is nothing but the mic to boost her voice, you will hear her breath, and even starts of falsetto. And the piano hides nothing of it.

Freddy Mercury whole song is on the god damn piano so you can hear his voice the rythm of the music doesn't drown out his voice at all he barely uses a mic so we can hear him. The guitar is rad.

Beyoncé barely sings live at all. I mean do tell me if i am wrong. She has a nice voice and writes good songs but one could argue that most of her songs are very commercial and not a reflection of who she is most of the time. She also do lots of lip sync.

I think anyone can sing, frankly Happy birthday to you is the worst song ever made cause no one can agree on how loud or how one should sing it. It's absolute freestyle. And since everyone has astyle on how they like to sing and different ranges and are mostly not trained at all or not used to singing in general...It ends up being a ear destroyer.

If you want to listen to a singer raw talent, so raw it's still moving, listen to Acapella ones. I recommend Maria Carey and Cher personnally. They got great lyrics and you can sing along but don't try to do their notes at all. Mitski and Lana del rey for cool vocals who are modern.

And no one should be allowed to sing happy birthday. Singers included can we let this song die please.

Also Rocking Around the Christmas tree is a nice song to sing along regardless of level.

Overall my personal preferences and the fact i have sensible ears makes me avoid the Beyonce every album. That and i like to have a story in songs.

That and the worsening attention span through the years who is getting worse.

He researched Rhapsodies and wrote a mock-opera about his own sexual journey.

Beyoncé can’t write a thing by herself and can’t sing herself out of a paper bag without a hip beat and vocals in the background.

Freddie - singing gold

Beyoncé - gold plated

[a-bad-case-of-the-stephs]

What're some Steph Brown moments you think should be talked about more?

Thank you sm for asking me this…

This one is actually really hard for me to answer because I think society should be talking about every stephanie brown moment all of the time. Additionally, I genuinely don’t think I can tell what moments w her are underrated anymore.

That being said I have made a list:

1. This Scene w Crystal in cataclysm

Robin #54

Really shows some extremely interesting parts of their relationship. This is like one of our first indications Crystal and Steph’s relationship might be on the mend. We get a look into how close they are despite their many issues. We have a minute where Steph jokes about Crystal blaming herself for the quake “too” implying Crystal often blames herself for things out of her control, which as I’m always discussing is a Stephanie Brown classic trait. The idea that this is something Crystal might do as well is so compelling to me. And throughout it all, we have Steph trying to protect Crystal, taking care of her, even tucking her in like a parent would their child. (Cough Stephanie brown parentification cough cough)

2. This panel from GK37. The way Batmans silhouette steps forward while Steph’s silhouette stands starkly still. The purple overcast sky with the flakes of snow (the whole weather/environment in gk37 kills me). The emphasis on ‘go to hell’ as after a comic of bargaining Steph finally comes to terms with the fact that she can’t rely on anyone else, that Batman going to her and telling her she could be something, that she could be good meant absolutely nothing to him. Amazing. Imprinted into my brain.

4. Steph’s conversation with Natalia about the stars in Robin 104. Gorgeous panel with an interesting look into Steph’s brain.

5. The Riddle scene in Robin 113, because I’m not smart enough to break down the Riddlers riddles and put together the implications which I assume are there and I want someone else to do it for me. Additionally, the lighting is absolutely gorgeous as we get to see Steph at this low point.

6. Robin #92, the scene where Bruce talks to Steph about the future, deeply unsettling her to the point that months and months later at the very start of war games she’s still thinking about it

7. The moment after Tim Drake’s birthday gaslighting bonanza where he commiserates with Steph abt getting tested by Batman. I’m imagining that he feels guilty for his role in her own test. For the record I’m hallucinating that guilt. I think it’s possible Lewis straight up didn’t know how Tim lied to Steph in Batman Family. But on the other hand the parallels to GK37 are insane and clearly there for a reason. Thinking about this lots. The repetition of “I know” vs “go to hell”. Their reversal of roles…I’ve already blabbed abt this on my blog but I’m still putting it here also bc I’m thinking abt it always.

Robin #120

8. All of GK22 as a reflection of how Batman’s loneliness post officer down is actually inextricably connected with his decision to sanction Steph as Spoiler. But specifically this scene because it makes me sick and ill and because it’s my header. Love the decapitated head side eyeing Batman.

9. Okay last one. One moment I’ve been thinking about a lot recently is Stephanie’s first interaction with Batman post War Games. Like the first thing she says to him after returning from her faked death is her essentially asking permission to patrol in Gotham.

Robin #174

Which is so fucking insane. She was unironically and genuinely spiritually broken by the events of war games. One of the very core tenets of her characterization, her willingness to be Spoiler no matter what regardless of the consequences, is fractured and entirely reversed. I have a lot of thoughts about this, and in general how post war games pre bg2009 Steph has healed physically but something big has clearly changed in her and not for the better. If you ask me, that period of time is stephanie brown at her lowest point. Will be posting abt this more eventually because writing this out has given me worse brain worms than normal.

Thank you so much for the ask again, sorry this took me a second I kept writing out way too much. I’m unfortunately a rambler at heart. Would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on any of these moments or other moments I missed.

[lilacxquartz]

Those Late Summer Nights | Chapter 25

satoru gojo x f!reader x suguru geto

plot: moving to the city from a small town was no easy feat, especially to start teaching as a jujutsu sorcerer. — cw: this is a yandere story with upsetting themes throughout.

summary: satoru succumbs to a tough call, potentially ruining your life for good. shoko in the meantime spirals.

masterlist • ao3 • chapter directory • previous chapter • next chapter >

Chapter 25. Taking Risks

The next time you woke up, the air felt thick with an underlying mixture of both tension and regret. Satoru still held tightly around you, his arms slightly constricting ever so slightly from the moment he felt you stir into consciousness.

“Not yet,” he murmured into the crook of your neck, the hot sensation of his breath causing a shiver to run through your body. You still felt uncomfortable in his presence, but his sudden change of heart was starting to throw you off. Especially given that he practically begged for your forgiveness the night before.

Satoru did wake up later though. It didn’t take too long for him to follow suit. His silvery lashes fluttered open as his intense blue gaze fixed on you. He pushed himself up somewhat reluctantly, though quickly, not wanting to savour the prickle of the cold winter air. He did feel partial regret for sleeping in so late though, his eyes slightly widening at the time read on his nightstand table. The estate itself was empty today—at least for the most part—his plans aligned so well by accident what with the big three locked away in some sort of fundraiser—that an outsider could speculate that this was all planned.

(Although it wasn’t. Satoru simply just didn’t care for such things. So of course, it slipped right past him.)

“Do these fit?” he asked as he started throwing you some clothes from his wardrobe, packing the rest of whatever could fit into a suitcase he pulled out from under his bed. “It’s pretty cold out there, I’d hate for you to freeze.”

You stared down towards your lap at the cluster of clothing, somewhat reluctantly changing out of what you already wore while he was still distracted. The cold air kissed your skin, slightly stiffening your movements. The jumpers were fine, albeit itchy against your skin, while the trousers also did fit, but they ruched at the legs ever so slightly, with the tightness around your hips feeling strange. “Somewhat,” you muttered, “but why…?” you yawned, your mind slowly catching up. “Where are we going—”

With a start, Satoru interrupted you. His body grew taut too, but for different reasons. It was rare for him to snap, even under a lot of pressure. You heard about him throughout the better course of the summer, either through sharing a nightcap with Shoko or even Suguru passively speaking about the guy, that despite what he went through, the guy was almost eerily calm. The same could be said for right now, but maybe it was that he let such a facade down around you, or that you could read him better since you were within his company so often and in such a compromising position. Either way, though, even though his voice didn’t raise in the slightest and even though he, for the most part, reeled himself in—he snapped in his own way at you.

“—it was wrong for me to lock you up,” he spat, although tried to real himself in a moment later. He schooled his tone into something more measured, as though to convince you to go along, although, a part of this felt like a genuine confession, so you were left confused. “I should never have done that,” he added, bringing himself down to his knees in front of where you sat, taking hold of your hands and nestling it into his palms, the way he looked back up at you seeming almost desperate, “I don’t know how to fix things—not yet—what I can do though, is give us both enough some time to think, how about that?”

You blinked. Regardless of how he worded things, no matter what you felt for even a brief moment in time last night—something about this whole thing—still felt ridiculous. You started to feel it first with Suguru when he dictated who you could speak to and who you couldn’t, feeling not at all surprised deep down when he overwrote your life to better suit his own. Whatever Satoru was exhibiting right now wasn’t too different, claiming to offer you freedom or something close to it, yet all he was going to do really, was to change the scenery for your prison.

No, if he actually cared, then this wouldn’t be the way. The only reason he was bringing you along to bide time, was because he didn’t want to get caught. Not that he had much to worry about, being the influential guy that he was. You knew better than anyone, that any sort of scandal, as long as someone could be paid off, could be swept under the rug. In a way, you wanted them to do that. You were just so done. You wanted your silence to be settled in a generous sum, for you to be able to finally slink away from this insanity and just… disappear.

The audacity of others trying to sculpt your life to match whatever sort of convenience they were after, almost felt insulting to hear. Although you struggled with admitting it out loud to him and although you wanted to argue it, it was clear from when you looked into his eyes that Satoru had already made up his mind. He might want to fix things, but he wasn’t ready to let go of you just yet. Whatever mess you had gotten yourself into, couldn’t be fixed with something as simple as freedom. Without even thinking about it, after all, you managed to get yourself wedged within the company of two powerful, but also dangerous men, regardless of their status within jujutsu society.

You bit back a scoff. “Will you really fix it?” you asked, going along with it, but only because you had to.

“I’m not sure,” Satoru admitted, not holding back a scoff of his own. The way his eyes drifted down your legs didn’t feel objectifying, more so in the sense that he seemed to be avoiding eye contact for the time being. Something about it felt self-deprecating. “I know that I fucked up, that’s all,” he sighed, carefully choosing his words, “I never should have reacted the way that I did, I never should have… hurt you,” he paused, feeling his composure slip, but then continued anyway, “I feel like a terrible person. Am I? Although, please don’t answer that…” he dropped his head down to rest over your thighs, wrapping his arms right around your thighs next, “just… just… give me a second to figure things out.”

You didn’t reply as he rambled into the trousers he gave you, his breath slightly dampening the fabric as he sulked into you. After a couple of minutes had passed, he led you out into the dead of the winter and settled you into his car. If nobody else had seen you, then that was the best place for you to be, what with the windows being tinted. He rejoined you not too long after, making sure that everything vital that he needed was with him before buckling in and heading out.

He’d arrange for this place to be picked clean before anyone had the opportunity to notice. Megumi was safe elsewhere and he wouldn’t be returning, with him going immediately to the campus come next autumn. This was for the best because ultimately, he decided that getting you involved if even indirectly to his adopted son, wasn’t a good idea. Should you decide to stay in the end on your terms though, it would be a different story.

You on the other hand, just as he predicted, didn’t speak all that much. Your distracted, or otherwise, the facade of your own indifference was easier for him to work around, especially as he made the needed calls, instructing people on the receiving end of all sorts of measures and precautions to take when taking care of a name that hadn’t yet entered your circle. The way that he spoke with such care almost threw you off a little, seeing him be so soft-spoken in comparison to the sides of him you otherwise knew. The confident, joking side that he put on an extra long show of for the better part of the summer, or the eerily calm side that he pushed when you didn’t accept the initial circumstances of your new life.

It made you feel nauseated in a way to listen to him speak about someone with such genuine care, making you at the same time wonder just what on earth you did wrong for the attention you received from him to be so neglectful in comparison. He was capable of being tender, so why were you on the opposite spectrum for being on the receiving end of that, until now? You didn’t understand, that was all.

You sighed as your mind became preoccupied and even overwhelmed with such thoughts, although, your neutral expression didn’t betray a single thought. Instead, you kept on looking outside, watching the scenery pass you by. At the sky that you had dreamed of for so long and all of those other thoughts that had long occupied your mind. Guiltily, your mind couldn’t help but drift to Suguru as he drove, wondering exactly what it was that he had been up to right now. A part of you didn’t want to believe that he really murdered both your parents in addition to his own, your mind unable to grasp the possible connection between the two. Yui, you understood—that was revenge for your sake, or so he claimed—your family and his own, despite being so purposefully ignorant, didn’t hold onto that same resentment.

A part of you hoped otherwise, that Satoru lied to you when he disclosed such information. The venom in his tone though wasn’t something you could forget. It was as if he withheld it until he had to get you to break. The irony of him complaining for the longest time that you were being difficult when he was just as capable of being spiteful was insulting.

He almost broke you down too, but you couldn’t be too trusting just yet. Not even now and especially not when he was going to fix things. The fact that he withheld his thoughts from you and seemed adamant about moving you to an even more secluded prison, was evidence enough that this wasn’t going to solve a single thing.

Perhaps though, you supposed, he believed the words he spouted. It was just difficult for you to imagine that a man who inflicted pain on you in the most violating way possible, could just be ‘sorry’ for what he had done. For stealing you away and keeping you in some bleak hold, preventing you from living a life that you had tried so eagerly to reclaim for yourself. You bit back another scoff. He couldn’t be sorry, or at least, if he did feel sorry, then it wouldn’t be enough. No, he should be feeling despair, he should be feeling weak; fear should be coursing through his veins, striking him in the heart as he suffocated through the sheer piercing horror of what he had inflicted.

For him to only feel remorse per his own wrongdoings for the same reason that Suguru did when you admitted to the very same thing was insulting, because they both only seemed to excuse you when your trauma was great enough. For Suguru, it seemed to be the finalisation at least, you wondered just what it was for Satoru, next.

As you succumbed to such thoughts, silently stewing away in the passenger seat, Satoru was plagued by similar thoughts as he drove. The destination in mind was a quaint little house in a town not too dissimilar to yours. A simple property that he bought on a whim in cash when he took on both Megumi and Tsumiki. He did so just in case the two ever wanted to live a normal life, somewhere far away from sorcery. The parallels already invaded his mind the closer he got to it, though, wondering just what sort of life he could have had. Tsumiki from his knowledge, never had a cursed technique of her own. Megumi’s however, was awoken at the typical age. Had he followed his sister, who otherwise also stayed elsewhere into such a life, then maybe it wouldn’t have been too different from what you faced and he hated such a comparison.

Megumi was a gifted, almost eerily perceptive kid, after all. He saw things that the better part of the population couldn’t, exhibiting control of a power, that people couldn’t even begin to fathom. Had he ever attempted to live a normal life, just like his sister, or where Kento had gone off to, just like you before you had known—would it have been just as lonely? As ostracising?

Satoru couldn’t help but scoff at himself again, hating the way that he felt right then and now. It was constricting and painful to imagine such possibilities about the people he sought to bring peace to. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to you during the trip as a result, with the consequences of his actions catching up to him in a way that he couldn’t properly think about. All of the questions that haunted him in a way that he couldn’t answer properly aside from claiming he’ll be able to ‘fix things’ given enough time, not being surprised in the slightest, if you saw through his excuses.

He was thankful that you were dealing with this quietly, although, he was angry at the same time. It wasn’t that he wanted for you to just settle and accept all that he had inflicted, but he didn’t want to at the same time answer, straight to your face, why he would even think to assault you. Why he went from being a once good friend to your abductor? Or why, he was once again, doing something potentially horrible in your eyes, whisking you away from one place to another?

He supposed that this time you’d have more freedom, at least. As long as you didn’t wander outside and try to run your mouth, then he could think more about what he wanted to do. Blinking towards you for a brief moment, he knew that he could trust you on that front. You likely knew that telling on him was pointless given his stature, and although he hated that he could get away with such a cover, for the time being, it was surely beneficial.

As for what he wanted to do? Fuck. He didn’t even know. Satoru sucked at his teeth in thought. Something deeper kept gnawing at the back of his mind, though. Something darker. Satoru was beginning to understand a certain point that he talked Suguru out of committing to back when they were both teens. A consequence of humanity, indeed, but it couldn’t have been your fault. Maybe your experience and existence alone simply just served as a reminder, that the majority of the non-sorcerers that they were brought up to protect, weren’t that much better than the problem they sought to eradicate. The negativity had to come from somewhere, after all, and god, the modern world was swimming in it.

Maybe, for that reason, Suguru had a point after all. Satoru sighed and tried to shake away the thoughts as he pulled you both into the driveway either way, leading you inside, telling you to get comfortable as he absentmindedly started to unload the car.

Satoru took another deep breath. Maybe it was time to get back into touch with Suguru then, he thought. At least lately, and after such a fresh admission on your end, his decision in life started to make more sense than ever before.

Maybe everything did happen for a reason, he supposed, because what were the chances that someone as devastating as you would ever fall in between someone so volatile and someone so torn at the same time? Whatever it was, Satoru was starting to finally understand it, despite the way he was otherwise raised.

Perhaps the next course of action would have to be the more drastic one, because he was damned if this sort of life caught up to those he cared about, too.

~~~

Shoko continued to pace around the ward of the Kyoto Jujutsu College, barely wrangled in by Utahime who hovered around her with twitching hands, held up in a strained placating gesture. Shoko clawed at her hair, tugging at the roots in frustration. What did that mean for you, indeed? Satoru Gojo couldn’t have been missing—surely not! Did he know somehow about the plan, or was this some sort of twisted turn of fate, that just so happened to misalign with her plans?

In a fit of madness, she suddenly paused in the middle of it all, finding some sort of revelation, or perhaps comfort as she dipped her hands into her pockets, flipping the cigarette carton open, only for the pack to be empty.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Shoko…” Utahime tried to soothe her, trying to reign her in as irrationality threatened to take her over.

“I-I can’t do this, Utahime,” Shoko whined, almost, her voice coming out as a string of muttered drawls, leaning her back up against the wall as she pushed her palms over her eyes, “I’m so fucking tired.”

“Yuki is still willing to help,” Utahime softly spoke, trying to be the voice of reason, “I think if we try to do what we initially had in mind, then he could slip up at some point, maybe even reveal himself to us by accident and give us an opening.”

“An opening?” Shoko repeated, a hint of madness seeping into her tone. “To where?” her hands dropped and her eyes widened. “Baby, I love you, but to where? We have no idea where the fuck he’s gone off to this time.”

“We could stage something and get his location that way,” Utahime brainstormed, “maybe a hospital, or somewhere secluded.”

“All the while she’s somewhere we have no fucking clue of?” Shoko spat, feeling the exhaustion creep back in.

Utahime too, was beginning to feel tired—of everything. “We’ll follow him back then, or Yuki will.”

“You really think that his six eyes wouldn’t notice a curse user on his tail?” Shoko replied with a deadpan tone, although she didn’t mean it. In reality, this was her way of showing defeat, the hope gone from her voice.

Utahime tilted her head to the side, her pointer finger perched at her lip. “Non-sorcerers do exist, so perhaps we could hire a private investigator or someone similar to tag him. Somebody perfectly ordinary without even a hint of cursed energy.”

Shoko’s voice softened. “Would that even work?”

“I believe that if we figure out a general idea of where he’s staying, then yes,” Utahime assured, “we’ll make it work, at least somehow… we have to, right?”

Shoko nodded, already settling on a plan in mind. She wouldn’t do anything to harm Megumi, god no, but she could take him out for the day and drop an anonymous tip to Satoru that he was missing, possibly injured, or close to getting to such a state. Guilt flooded within her, but she had to do what she could, finally ending this once and for all. Another thought did enter her mind though. “What about… Suguru?”

Utahime paused. “A definite problem, but not impossible to deal with. Have you heard anything from him lately?”

Shoko shook her head. “I haven’t…”

“In that case,” Utahime considered, forming a plan of her own, “fill him in, but only briefly. He’s a good ally to have given that he’s likely the only one, despite everything else that has happened, that Satoru is likely to let get close.”

Shoko hummed. “Got it. Maybe he could cooperate and let me take hold of the girls for the day too, if I word it differently. He knows that I wouldn’t do anything to them, but at the same time I do need leverage…” she muttered off to herself, feeling once again nauseated at indirectly involving the kids, but for neither Satoru nor Suguru to screw them over in the plan they had so delicately crafted, there had to be a middle ground.

A few seconds passed, a new message on her phone emerged. The flirty undertone of the text told her that this was Yuki.

[Let’s meet~]

~~~

In the meanwhile, Suguru stared at his phone as it rang. His eyes were wide and almost manic, his lip twitching at the very thought. Satoru had a specifically assigned ringtone for his phone, so there was no denying it. He grabbed the phone within an instant, caving in after just a couple of seconds had passed, not sure what to expect.

“It’s me,” Satoru began the call, ready to disclose all that needed to, to bring himself over to his side and with some luck, to join forces if need be.

He was tired of running too, after all.

[commiemartyrshighschool]

I feel compelled to say a few things here.

A good writer should be able to make the story work regardless of what shape the Macguffin takes. In most stories revolving around bearer bonds the untracability is what's important, not how bulky a suitcase is. You could even have some huge sum tied up in something smaller than a thumb drive in the Victorian era, say the encoded numbers needed to access a bank account with a huge sum tied to it.

Diamonds can actually be fairly traceable, but regardless, if you have a large quantity of a high value commodity like gems or precious metals actually turning that into cash is VERY difficult. Even before the question of laundering the money arises, you either need to sell it piecemeal over a long period of time or sell it all at once, probably at a steep discount to a fence you might not be able to trust.

And three, no fictional story about a bitcoin thumbdrive could be as good as the true story of a Welsh guy who ruined his life trying to find one that was accidentally thrown out.

Functionally a thumb drive full of bitcoins bought in 2010 could fill basically the same plot function a briefcase full of bearer bonds or unmarked bills used to before the government started caring about money laundering, but in practice I don't think I've ever really seen a story where they do.

[stitchzin]

Letter from a Crow

As soon as Rook disappears, Lucanis is the one who decides to tell Viago, the word spreads as Rook's friends begin to read books on how to rescue her. Lucanis goes to Caterina, they meet at the Cassino, and says he stopped her from confessing because he didn't wanted bad luck. Now he feared he would never hear this again.

"She wanted to call me Vhenan... do you know what it means... It means, my heart."

"My poor boy..."

"Raise your head" Illario appears behind him. "You won't avange her while having it down." They were a weird family but they were there, healing some woulds.

But Viago's family was Rook and Teia. And both don't know what to do this time. One day the owner of one of the city's theaters enters the Cantori Diamond, and gives Teia a letter that looked like it had been read several times.

She said that regardless of whether Rook was found or not, Viago should read it.

Rook was unique in relation to many crows, she did not move from the main house after she started earning her money. In fact, she even has a rented room near the theater, but she only used it when she had her nights with friends. Her "real" room was positioned next to Viago's room. Every morning he opened her door and said "Those who earn money lying down are whores, get up", even if Astraea was already awake.

He drank coffee Rook drinked her chocolate, talked about various subjects, nobility and Crow gossip, new poisons and the weather. Teia adored that, It was rare that she and Rook shared the breakfast table, but it was pure entertainment to watch Rook and Viago have the same mannerisms.

Viago was training when Teia delivered the letter, the exhausted body of a man who tried to throw his emotions on anything but those around him. He had returned from a visit to Caterina, who had been through something similar. There was no way of knowing what the first Talon had advised him, but it had had an effect on him.

And reading that yellowed paper, with purple ink and a dried jasmine branch on the page made him freeze. Rook had had the courage to say what he had never said explicitly. And without her there for him to provoke, or correct.

He didn't know what to do.

The only person he wanted to talk to about his favorite's disappearance was herself. Teia and he sat on the balcony drinking wine. The balcony of Rook's room, surrounded by her things he asked the servants to keep it neat. The vases of jasmine that never died made everything smell like her. And he read it again out loud.

Nesryn,

I remember the day I arrived in Treviso, the way I followed Viago because I thought I could rob him he was covered in silver and good quality leather, only to witness a murder. I didn't even feel afraid it was so quick and ellegant. He dragged me by the ear to you, thought I was one of your children and apologized afterwards and turned his back. I think he thought my Vallaslin was a theater painting because of its unique lines.

Despite everything, the following week I followed him, he told me to mislead people and I did it, he told me to deliver messages and I went.

He would give me a candy, a bag of fruit or a silver coin. If he was having a good day, a full meal before correcting my acrobatics. Funny two weeks. But... If I hadn't stolen keys from that smuggler and entered that warehouse and freed him of that trap, he might never have taken me to Villa De Riva. If Viago had been impressed by my peculiar way of moving between the rooftops before, he didn't show it until that day, always so critical. In my 12-year-old mind he hated it, but today I know he corrects it, because he cares.

"Astraea is your name now, Sitara is dead in that desert." I didn't want to stop being Dalish, and when Viago said he would never ask for such a thing, I accepted. I think he just accepted that I would always be this slightly wild thing with blue hair.

I arrived at the Crows knowing much more about hunting and survival than murder and became my unique self, always thinking of a way out, a new trick. Even so, with all this transformation I still saw myself arriving at your house. With bruises, cuts and sore muscles. Learning to make medicines, cook with you or play one of your instruments. You asked me to leave thw Crows, and I asked where. Still you were there when I became a crow, and when I did so well at my job that I earned the family name.

I heald high for many years.

When Antaam arrived, when he caught you, I had to show my gratitude by saving you. Obviously, the Talons weren't happy, but I trusted Viago. Even though I was afraid of being abandoned again. After a lot of yelling, Viago sent me away. I knew he was risking his neck by doing this, so I obeyed. And I didn't regret saving the friends I made at the theater. Nor did I regret traveling together. We passed through villages while I hid half of my face. There I saw a different family, light conversations at the table, lessons on sewing clothes, who would wash the dishes, putting feelings into poems and songs.

It was a beautiful time. And thank you for showing me this family that was made up of our friends. It was beautiful to see worlds within the world, realities marked by a veil that separates them from the rest. Dancing gave me new ways to practice sword and dagger, so beautiful that you had me as a nighttime attraction, using a ribbon to disguise the murderous beauty of my hands.

The thing is, my world is different from yours. In my life, I learned to get up when I fall, to keep walking because no one will save you, to endure pain so that it becomes a surmountable difficulty, to feel the effects of poison before receiving the antidote and to build up resistance. It wasn't easy. But that's what my family taught me. And that's what saved me many times.

Nessie the issue is... staying with you, away from Treviso without being able to return reminded me that Viago is my family. He and I are within the same veil. And the difference between you two is brutal.

You told me that "It's possible to live even after discovering that the world has gone bad, as long as I don't allow the world's evil to seem normal."

Viago told me "We carry death in the shadows, and at the same time we look in the eyes and say: not today."

We have different lifes, different sayings to keep our heads held high in the world we live in.

Being in this family these days rekindled my light and I'm going to use it to deserve to return home. That's why I'm leaving with Varric and Harding. I promised I would only send a letter to Viago through a contact, but life is as untamed as I am.

I'll see you again in Treviso.

Love, Astraea De Riva.

[binggiu]

I BELIEVE YOU'RE MY SAVIOR

“I believed you would be there when all the blue sky turned to ash before my eyes, I thought you would still hold my hands as my mother's ashes turned into a statue. How foolish to think my love would be my savior.”

The desperation to have complete knowledge in a situation was the most bothersome for Caitlyn. Known as someone who is pragmatic and dedicated to solving existing problems and puzzles, having something unresolved in her life was like going against all the principles taught to her since she learned to read and write.

The first puzzle that left a small movement unfinished in her mind was the imprisonment of Violet, or Vi, as she was said to be called.

The woman at first glance was like one of those who should keep their distance, just as her mother insisted on saying and quoting the words of the recital that her family always followed to the letter. At least that was what they pretended outside the Kiramman family walls. Caitlyn knew about the game of silence and good posture that her family maintained, but curiosity was thrown in her direction when a woman appeared in her life.

Vi wasn't his type, not at the moment when everything was so right in his mind, but spending time with her and hearing the words that came out of her mouth and her grotesque actions, began to stir his heart considerably. And even though she knew the difference between their nations and their lives, the belief that they could still be together was constant in her mind.

Living in Vi's shadow was not a healthy option, much less one to be considered, but she followed the woman, still with the false emotion that Piltover and Zaun could still have a friendly relationship, even with all the chaos caused by Silco and Jinx. The belief that the joining of nations for an end was so false, that even with all the red flags and warnings ringing in her mind were ignored regardless of how they were commented.

The false belief placed in someone was like a double-edged sword, it could be useful at a certain moment, but regardless of the moment you removed the knife from your hand, your skin would be cut or pierced by holding the other part of the blade.

Caitlyn knew that family came first, she was like that, always thinking about her parents, especially her mother. She was the first on her mind when it came to family, the teaching, the company, the affection and love, everything encompassed her mother. From the teachings at home to those who dedicated their lives as sheriff. All were, without exception, the construction of the person she was today.

If it were commented on family.

For a brief moment, Caitlyn considered Vi her family, the one she had fallen in love with, no matter what troubles were going on in their lives or whatever problems they might face. Her heart and mind were intertwined in the same feeling: Vi was part of her family.

Until the moment when the realization that she was nothing compared to Vi's old family dawned.

Not that she judged, on the contrary, if she were asked to choose at such a moment between Vi and her mother, almost certain that her answer would be her mother, and that was not a lack of love for Vi, but that she still had priority over the choice of her mother, the one who gave her love throughout her life, she had.

When she looked at Vi and asked what she would choose in the meantime, she believed they would be the same choices, but they weren't. Caitlyn followed a dark line, which had a shadow in her space, so realizing the gaps between her relationship with the possible love of her life, was not easy.

Caitlyn considered the love of her life as her love, but in truth, she was not even her love, but her salvation.

As soon as her mother died at the hands of her love's sister, Vi still tried to keep her side in her favor, but the truth was that Vi never considered her something real, not before her family. The biggest problem was not her mother's death but the choice without a moment's thought, to save Jinx, the one who not only killed her mother, but countless other people in her nation.

Caitlyn loved Vi, but she still loved her family, or rather, the ashes that remained of her.

Caitlyn believed that the blue sky would remain until the end of her life, but when the gray of the dirt hidden by the pipes took over the freshness of Piltover's life, squeezing her hand in an empty space without support was the turning point for her to understand that in the end, she would never have peace.

Looking at the statue of her mother, which was formed with her ashes, made her understand after so many days alone that Vi would never be her savior, not while Jinx was still alive.

[pocket-vvardvark]

WIP Wednesday

Ty for the tag @skyrim-forever @thequeenofthewinter <33

I'd like to tag: @aviel-the-trans-bucket @hircines-hunter @fangsandsoftgrass @kiir-do-faal-rahhe @scholarlyhermit @sanza-17 @sulphuricgrin @changelingsandothernonsense @progmetol @varlaisvea @yansurnummu @yewphoric @lucius-the-sinful no pressure as always!! ♥️♥️♥️🥰 Love ya'll with my whole heart

I've got a new chapter in the works for sweet decay 🤪 so, here's the WIP under the cut bc it's sorta long

Rivenspire is cloaked in the warmth of the sunrise. Blooming across dry earth, it softens the land’s foreboding appearance into something habitable. Having been awake for far too long, Verandis palms his sunken eyes as the soft glow filters in through open windows behind him. At the very least, the weather was somewhat pleasant in favor of the most recent heatwave. His body is no longer among the living, but the heat still drove him onto the edge of exhaustion just as easily as it would to a human. Voyage to Lillandril would be a pleasant escape to the lingering heat, and a part of him missed Summerset. Among the cities in Summerset, he supposed Lillandril was the fairest. Cradled upon the sea, the wind which swept only the most beautiful flowers was tinted with a satisfying chill against the heat. His thoughts shift to Angelica; briefly imagining her time on the island. Yesterday, she mentioned her distaste for Altmer culture, which was fair in its own right. No matter how hard a half-breed attempted to live up to their purpose, no full-blooded Altmer would label them anything but an Ephem. As saddening as it was, this was the way of his people. Thumbing over a groove on the hardwood of his desk, Verandis mulls over his relationship with the pesky minx. It was growing, that's unfortunately true, but to what extent? It had been an incredibly long time since he called another his lover, and oddly enough, Angelica didn't seem the type. She seemed content to toy with him, refusing to acknowledge him as anything other than good fun. Although, her gentleness from the other day did start to confuse him. The whole situation vexed him; feeling like a bumbling idiot left in the dark of some grand plan. Years of building House Ravenwatch softened him, and maybe that was why he was far too slow on the uptake. Regardless, the job needed to be completed, and he supposed he should use her…talents she so dramatically bragged about. The sun rises above the trees, signaling it was time to move. Verandis does so, gathering the bare essentials and finally roaming the halls until he reaches Angelica’s room. Raising a hand to knock, his knuckles fail to reach the door as it's opened before he can. 

She smiles. It's surprisingly bright for how strangely she acted the other day. Another facade? He'll see in time, Verandis assumes. 

“So…it's time?” Casting red hair aside, she tugs it into a messy bun of locks, then pats her leathers down. Ah, another surprise; that she's actually wearing proper clothes this time.

Prepared to suffer by her hand from whatever acts of mischief she'll no doubt drum up, Verandis answers with the utmost exasperation, “Yes. Bring along what you need.” Squinting, he watches as she disappears back into her room to procure a satchel.

“I do hope that's necessary.” 

Laughing as she peeks into the standing mirror, she makes one final adjustment to push her breasts up. “Oh, hush. We're taking a trip to the market, right? I'll need gold for that…among other things.”

‘Among other things’, that little remark did not inspire much of anything in him but annoyance. She hoists her arm into his, linking together as she bats her lashes. “I’ve been waiting for a chance like this; to come along on some grand adventure with the Count of House Ravenwatch. My sister told me all about you, you know.” 

He's pulled along with her, walking a stride slower due to their height differences. It would seem her younger sister had a bit of a loose tongue. Thinking about Alethia softens his expression, though, he knows there was no ill intent behind her excited story-telling. She couldn't keep a secret, that much he knew.

“Did she, now? I can only pray she had good things to tell.” They pass the doors, already walking down the rough, cracked path to shornhelm. 

Making a sound rivaling that of a disgruntled guar, he’s bewildered enough to glance down at her. She sticks her tongue out once he does, “That's what I think about your stupid attempts at being posh. Or…maybe you're shy. Are you shy, count?”

She snorts, tugging at their linked arms with an impish grin. 

“You-” Verandis scoffs, but he makes no move to wriggle away, only yielding to her kisses placed on his cheek. “I'm not shy. You're just…too overzealous for me. Not even Gwendis is this tiring, I should have you know.” 

Gasping dramatically, she feigns a sniffle, “Breaking my heart so soon? How could you…I thought we shared something special.” 

“Special? Hm, I had the distinct feeling I was but only a tryst to you, Angelica.” Their footsteps halt on the barren path of dirt as Verandis stops. He grazes a knuckle over her cheek, relishing in her sudden speechlessness. There's a hint of intrigue in her eyes, but something much less distinct; embarrassment. 

“Tsk, tsk…” the pad of his thumb strokes the tip of her cheek bone, “Projecting, are we?” 

Life spreads back into her features, moving her lips as her expression excites, “Projecting? No way, now you've got to buy me something like you promised.” 

Nothing gets past her, he's sure of that as she reminds him of what foolish words he uttered last night. It almost worked, if she hadn't been so perceptive. No matter, it would prove useful in the next days they’d spend together 

“A shame you hadn't kept your promise, then.” She blinks, fascinated by the ethereal hue his carmine eyes take against the bright sunshine. It steals her breath away, causing the briefest stirring deep in her belly. Truthfully, she was beginning to fluster at the sight of him like this; gazing down at her with such a romantic expression, like he could dip her back any second for a kiss. There was no love lost between any number of her trysts and herself, as the fickle emotion only served to complicate things. It stood in the back of her mind, though, as if it tempted her into taking that step. Oddly numb, she couldn't make sense whether she even wanted love. Sure, she'd never stayed quite this long with any of her romps, but it felt strange to just up and leave like they never met. Perhaps it was as her mother said, that one day she would want to settle down, to be with the one man who stole her heart. A flush does make its way to her cheeks, so light a dusting that Verandis nearly mistakes it for the sun on her skin. She takes her own embarrassing reaction in stride, smiling to him so lovingly that they both falter in each other’s grasp. Unlike the night they shared, it is him who concedes first, his grasp brushing away so softly she misses it. Clearing his throat, they continue down the path until Shornhelm can be peered at in the distance. The blob grows until she can see the roofs, the people, and of course, the market. Angelica observes the sights, its fairly different from both of her homelands from what she can recall from both Summerset and Western Skyrim. Hard times have clearly claimed most of Rivenspire’s goods and, frankly, the morale, too. Most shopowners looked more like they were proud owners of shacks rather than appealing homes; it went double for their wares, unfortunately. The only exciting things left were the rare pieces of jewelry she spotted along the way, and the occasional sneak she took of the count’s face while he was deep in thought. A local apothecary catches her attention, drawing her closer until several ingredients greet her eyes. The woman looks only to be a few years younger than herself, smiling but ragged after whatever turned shornhelm into turmoil. Hopefully, after her sister’s little adventure here, things would get better. Nevertheless, Angelica wasn’t entirely heartless, so she took what little ingredients were left and paid a little extra. She winks, and tugs the count along before the young woman can argue against the generous amount of coins splayed across the worn market stall.

“Well…I believe that’s all I’ll be in need of. Never hurts to pack a few poisons.”

If he noticed what happened, which she realizes he must, it doesn’t earn her a conversation. Either perturbed by her shocking display of kindness, or their recently shared embarrassment, Angelica cannot tell beneath his seemingly aloof gaze. 

“We should get a move on, then. Rivenspire lacks ferries, so we’ll have to carriage our way to Glenumbra.” She wants to kick herself for feeling disappointed he doesn’t thrust his arm out for her to hold, but makes due with this new development. It’s not like they were close, but she was finding herself longing for some type of…praise from doing good. Divines, did whatever happened last night really affect her that badly? She hadn’t thought so, until her thoughts soured from every woman which passed their way to ogle Verandis’ human disguise. A part of herself swelled in pride when they sunk back down upon her appearance by his side. That feeling was only doubled when she realized they would never know his secret, and such an intimate secret it was. Jealousy wasn’t her style, but she wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to swathe the Count in her perfume before exiting the castle next time. He certainly smelled better in it than whatever ancient perfume he wore beside her. Curious, she peeks over to marvel at his disguise. Honestly, she preferred how he always looked; with eyes as red as rubies and alabaster skin. It simultaneously enthralled and got her feeling rather heated. Such raw and dangerous intent was no longer evident in his now honey-colored eyes, and that left her feeling quite bored. Although…she could make due with those amber eyes if they watched her with the utmost adoration; that would be her goal for the day.

Grinning, she’s back to her confident self, looking as mischievous as a nixad. He realizes she snickers like one, too.

“Do I dare ask what you’re conjuring up behind me? I fear you, at times.”

Prancing back to his side, her fingers curl into his own, forcing him to slow his stride once more.

“Nothing much, just admiring the view.”

He snorts, “Of my backside? How quaint.”

Nudging him, he gains an eyeful of the sweet little twist of her lips, “It's a very disarming backside.” 

Sighing, he can't help but chuckle at that, “Whatever shall I do with you?”

His eyes jump between her own, searching for the reply her lips twitch with. Angelica settles for a gentle peck on his nose, laughing when he wrinkles it from the tickle. 

“I'm sure you'll dream up some elaborate plan to keep me quiet, darling.” 

[midniteowlet]

It’s an interesting experience to view the show through your lens because I cannot speak Spanish and therefore cannot interpret the source material. I have no doubt I would play devil’s advocate regardless. I enjoy whittling a topic down from multiple angles - a habit that I’m sure you’re well acquainted with by now.

So, while the theft of Marta’s journal feels contrived, it may achieve something we’ve discussed and desired. We want Fina to see Marta hurt - not because we dislike Fina, but because we think she needs a different perspective of her SA. She needs to understand how powerless Marta felt to stop what was happening to her. It doesn’t make sense for Marta to experience SA, because it should be a sensitive and, therefore, irregular topic. Once was enough. However, it makes sense to violate her privacy because Marta has trouble opening up to others. Stealing access to her most intimate thoughts should prove excruciatingly painful.

Secondly, there is a chance, albeit slim, that something in this journal causes Fina to understand how much Marta has struggled these past weeks. We’ve discussed that their communication has broken down because they’ve grown apart and need to grow back together. Part of your anguish is that Marta's pain is ignored because she buries it to accomplish objectives. So, her emotions are always dangling over her head like the sword of Damocles. If Santiago reveals something that allows them to realize they should have been more open with each other, then I think that’s a net positive regardless of whether or not it’s over something as “contrived” as a journal.

I would like to believe that a writer’s room has a destination in mind and since we’ve not concluded with Santiago’s journey it’s too early to rate our experience. Remember how much you disliked Bobby in The Expanse? Remember how much that changed over time? Do we ever feel good before and during the climax of a story? I think the point of storytelling is prolonged anguish which is why you and I love spoilers. We would rather know if the landing will be soft or hard because our hearts are broken on the journey. Look at how much our opinion of the Wheel of Time shifted once we had distance and perspective. So much can and will change for Marta and Fina. For you too.

What really amuses me (or annoys, depending) is that we always manage to look for more than meets the eye, assuming the show has more depth to it, when in truth it’s lacking in so many ways.

We seem to forget what we’re dealing with here. And what that is? Is a novela, pure and simple. A Spanish one, true. But a novela just the same. And while in the beginning, for the most part, quality prevailed? It’s more and more obvious the show is becoming plagued by the inconsistencies of its genre.

We’ll never have a sensitive topic such as SA treated with the care and empathy it deserves (if anything, it encourages the message that victims are better off if they keep silent; the SA itself and the inherent misogyny? they were just background noise for the now 20+ episodes narrative of a woman suffering the consequences of looking for justice that was legally denied)

We’ll never see Fina’s recovery as it should have been treated.

We’ll never see Marta’s own trauma addressed.

I severely doubt we’ll see them healing together in a way that feels rewarding, empathetic and well thought out. We’ll get hints that they spent the night together, that they talked about their feelings and addressed the problems they’re facing. Hints and more hints. Surface level depictions that don’t really bother going beneath the surface. One of those high-speed trains that seldom stop at any station for more than a few minutes, the scenery a blur at the edge of one’s vision. Expecting more? Well, it might be asking for too much. We either enjoy what we can and as much as we can, or we desist. Plain and simple.

As for more of today’s events?

1. Just like Marta is a grown up, capable of making her own decisions? So is Tasio. For Carmen to lay all the blame at Marta’s feet is ridiculous. As is the show persisting in comparing her to Jesús, who is a de facto muderer and whose violent actions don’t have repercussions + let’s add Don Pedro to the list, whose revenge ended with the murder of the one responsible for his son’s death - I doubt there’ll be consequences as, after all, he’s a man and allowed to get away with it. For Marta though? Pandora’s box and all its blessings. May I just say succumbing to rage and helplessness one time, does not a violent person make, nor does it undo the moral tapestry of Marta’s character (for all the show loves to punish her for it).

But I’m digressing. Tasio is not a saint and to pretend otherwise is laughable (Carmen herself suspected he orchestrated the entire thing to curry favour with his father? I mean. Her trust in him is somewhere below sea level, no need to pretend otherwise. More so, she seems to forget it was Damián who paid for Tasio’s out-of-jail-card: claiming Marta’s family wouldn’t help him is borderline absurd). Marta didn’t force him to do anything, he chose to help her of his own free will. And at the end of the day? Marta never shies away from doing the hard thing: taking accountability. And she does it every single damn time, no matter how hard it is. (let’s see if Tasio ever gets there, fully). And I now find myself needing a scene where Fina defends Marta with Carmen.

2. They found the most contrived way of using Marta’s journal against her - if it is her journal, that is; for all we know it’s Marta’s calculus notebook (Santiago invading their safe space and just so happening to find it laying there? It’s not only supremely absurd but a sacrilege as well, yet another violation of their intimacy). Rather funnily, this show might be trying to preach violence is not the answer yet here we are, ascending to the next level altogether (I personally don’t see any other way to be rid of Santiago - his demise needs to be imminent and it needs to happen). Not to mention how outlandish it is that a nobody is able to get into Fina’s cell, waltz into Marta’s office or walk onto their property like so? This level of absurd is top-tier for sure.

3. The one consistent thing? Marta’s love for Fina and Fina’s love for Marta. That hasn’t changed and it won’t (it’s very much obvious Marta is nothing but irritated with Pelayo and for good reason: that man is like fungus, chemical treatment needed)

Oh well. Since the inane seems to be the way? Let’s join the circus: Santiago is moved to tears upon reading Marta’s journal and gives them his blessing, for Pelayo and Santiago it’s love at first ‘stache and they buy the property next to Marta’s so they can be felices los quatro, Jesús launches a business promoting hair-growth (dar en el calvo) and Eladio writes a book in prison (from SIcario to NOcario).

On the bright side? Flirty and Horny Fina is back tomorrow? Or so it would seem. She’s been dearly missed 😌 Furthermore? For everything that’s not being said, shown or addressed? It’s still a feat Mafin remains the healthiest relationship on the show. No doubt about it!!!

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <333

[lotus-pear]

i love you royal trio (minus akechi)