#That means I get to be productive! >:D
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Story time!... kinda short but anyway-
I was packing my stuff to go to school today
And then holiday strikes 💀
#To put it simply#I didn't know today was a public holiday#So my dumbass went to school 😭#But if today is a holiday...#That means I get to be productive! >:D#*Proceeds to play Roblox for an entire day* 💀
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Top 5 differences between SG D-16 and Original D-16 — SG Dee gets a full cycles rest instead of running on absolutely fucking none in the film.
#i should get onto making the comic about their confrontation but im so fucking lazy#girl why cant i just beam tbe images in my head onto paper like in trying to blow up something with my mind#my ass SUCKS at making ccomics bro#looks at all the notes ive made info dumping to my friends....#oh productivity were really in for it now#but anyway im INSANE about sg d-16 i will be a freak about it#sg orion too.... they mean so much to me#sg bee too goldbug my beloved#BITES#anyway dee gets a full nights sleep and the hideout doesnt get immediately fucking raided#fun times#sg d-16#sg orion pax#sg elita one#sg bumblebee#sg starscream#sg tfone#transformers#tf one
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
the hannibal franchise fucking sucks <- is enjoying the hannibal franchise quite a bit actually <- is just very mad that clannibal is a thing that exists
#if a clannibal fan finds this post: Cry about it i do not care :D#do not get it mixed up! it is not because im a hannigram stan or whatever! just. just from my perspective as someone who really likes#clarices whole arc of proving herself to be better than the men around her i dont. why does. CALM DOWN SU CALM DOWN. FUCK#why is clannibal a thing. 'hannibal recognizes her potential and abilities as a smart and brave fbi agent' Okay and? And?#idea: what if he means nothing to her. what if. what if thomas harris was a good writer. i just. SIGGHHHHHHHHHHHH#WHATEVER. WHATEVER MAYBE THERES SOMETHING IM MISSING MAYBE CLARICE AND HANNIBAL AS A ROMANTIC THING HAS MERIT TO IT. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT#DOES BUT HEY MAYBE IM WRONG AND I JUST NEED TO SHUSH ^_^#I DONT KNOW MAN. FUCK i need to stop getting so angry abt this i have productive things i could be doing (TT U TT) Like killing hannibal le#just kidding <3 no im not#angel's mouth#hannibal
84 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's baby girl's birthday so to match Niv's little "do it for him" wall I made a Siri version <333
#and yes this time i did get the date right#may 28th which means bby girl is a gemini!!#good for her#if i could give her a birthday gift i would give her a good amount of therapy and a giftcard to sephora or smt#she'd enjoy that#she's so baby and i feel like a proud aunt every time i see her#fr the product of sugar and spice and everything nice#i h a d planned to write a little birthday oneshot for her but i wasn't able to finish it in time sadly#maybe later!!#for now it's just a do it for her wall#httyd oc#artinandwritin's art#siri vínteri#httyd
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
the unintended byproduct of having the finch app where the cute bird helps you do self care is that after you open the app she will send you little notifications throughout the day being like hiiii my day is great how are you doing which is great i guess generally but right now i'm like. back in the throes of cptsd issues and also crying over a doctor's appointment so i don't really care how your day is going lychee. and then i feel guilty because lychee the bird has only ever loved me but like i don't. care. right now.
#i should be like. content. all my labs came back normal except vitamin d is a little low#and my mom is trying to remind me that because my labs are normal that means i'm taking care of myself#and because i'm doing that this isn't my fault (i know that's maybe flawed reasoning globally but it's applicable here at least)#and that hypermobility plus vitamin d makes sense for a lot of the pain like. collagen. makes sense#but it doesn't explain everything and my solution is i have to strength train and exercise and like i DO exercise#i take walks frequently and i know strength training isn't something i've done but like. i guess it's my fault i haven't?#like my dad is just going to appear saying i told you so habibti i told you this years ago . i don't know#i didn't WANT to have some lifelong condition that wasn't my desire but. like. this doesn't. feel right to me#i had a lot of ambitions today but i think i've been productive enough. think i'm just going to cry for a few hours#maybe it's the idea that this will just Go Away and i should have made it Go Away#that it isn't chronic pain because it can just go away if i just Get Stronger. that i can't be mad at it because im in control of it#but if it was something else then it wouldn't be my fault because i couldn't control it. but now it's like. i should have known#neg
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
hm. i do not remember the screenshot being this big hfvsh
#wip#i like this one the best and also.. it might be the best one Lmaofhvs#[points] its the He#this is also very nearly the final product hvfhs#i'm just gonna colour them a bit and then leave it at that :)#(i'm doing an expression sheet again :3 :D)#i'm drawing each of these individually unlike how i did with the bl.s ones cuz his funkin Hair likes to catch me out hbvfsh#//anyway i've been working on this thing for nearly a week ???#'keeps why' i have been. writing#i do So enjoy infodumping about this project hvfhs#plusss putting it in a little booky means people don't have to be bothered with me looping back and over myself lol :>#i just dunno where i wanna put it lol#wattpad makes the most sense.. but also mm i dunno hfhsh#i haven't really used it in forever...#oh i should update it though fr fr#/also Geeeeez what is happening to my writing HFH#like one day i can't stop overusing the world 'occasionally' and then next i sound sort of obnoxious overusing synonyms and stuff lol#though you know what it Has gotten easier to just get stuff down (even when my brain is pretty much dead !!) when i just ignore everything#i forget about hfvhs :D#cuz i forget like every 15th word and it screws w/ the flow but if i do [this] with a similar word for later it's so good :DD#/also why can i Never remember the word Conscience lmao#that's a little bit of a funny one to always be losing hvfsh#//anywho... woo.... :33#i'm gonna go do my stuff now... and prolly sneak a soda.... and if i do i'll prolly be back ranting because that's what caffeine does to me#Loll#have a very empty brain recently. it Has been full of lovey doveyness tho so not bad not bad hfvhs :D#okay bbbye now toooodles ciaaaoo see ya .u./
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Month 9, day 23
MY POWER GROWS!!!
Soon, soon I shall have the ability to make my own Forspoken 2! With blackjack and hookers! You know what, forget the blackjack. And the hookers. Just nothing but Forspoken fan-sequel goodness with the best girl and her wrist idiot! Muahahahahahahaha—*cough hack wheeze*
Uh, anyway, procedurally generated rocks! Middle is the default settings for the procedural setups, and the left and right I played with the settings just to see what I can do, and accidentally-on-purpose made Praenost and Avoalet rocks :D
I'm sure there's precise details I'm missing to make them accurate to the game, but I'm still so stoked with the results n_n
#the great artscapade of 2024#art#my art#blender#blender render#blender 3d#cycles render#I should probably write the canon compliant sequel fic before I try to turn it into anything with Blender huh?#...that's a problem for future!Bobbi#rightnow!Bobbi is just happy she made rocks :D#still... my kingdom for open source access to the Luminous engine#alas as it got reabsorbed into Squeenix along with Luminous productions u_u#no free game engine software that made her two favorite games for Bobbi u_u#god can you imagine though?#the problems I could cause would be INFINITE#...I mean they already are on account of my only limitations are my own creativity and time management skills and eventual mortality#may that last one be many decades away#like at least five#I've got shit to do#...oh I guess also my hardware is a limitation isn't it?#meh#details#surmountable ones even#...mortality is surmountable for the measly cost of one soul tho#does it have to be mine?#I need that shit#for stuff#and reasons#...good god what's wrong with me tonight#I'm going to bed before I get weirder
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
dan and phil being inactive on saturdays is actually so important to me given that i have eighteen items on my to do list today, it's already noon, and i'm still adamantly convinced i can do it all
#astra.txt#a total of four close friends i have are going on dates today which means my social life is a bit dry rn#so i'm going to hang out with my other friend (who isn't single but his date was yesterday and monday) and grind out some work#this overall is awesome for me. i dont miss an upload i get to be productive and i get to hear my friends' debriefs :D <3
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
mutuals i got myself into a situation so sticky i don’t even know how to describe it (edit: *describes it* lol). please send thoughts of successful escape my way lol
#purrs#delete later#i SONT understand anything about retirement or insurance whatever and basically imightve signed a contract for smth i didn’t understand#fully and im so scared lol. and i feel so bad bc im stupid and i don’t understand anything and no matter how much peopel#xolain it to me i don’t understand it. i feel like a stupid silly naive little girl rn LOLLLLL i feel so sick#it’s probably fine and not that bad and i didn’t do the wrong step but im freaking out. not just bc of the money situation but also bc they#have to do a. medical exam on me to see how much i would have to pay or whatever 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 wtf#im making it sound like a big bad scary freak thing isigned up for when really it’s not i don’t thin&. it’s just dividend lige insirance but#i don’t understand what any of it means and apparently other stuff is better. idk anything about retirement i only got into this stupid#situation because i had a mandatory retirement selection for work and ididnt understand anything so i scheduled a meeting with a retirement#counselor person to help me figure out which option would be the best for me and he was really nice and helped me a lot but then he started#saying he could help me w additional retirement stuff if i wanted to see what the options were and i was like sure and then he told me abt t#this thing and had me fill out / sign the application in that same meeting to ‘get the process started bc it takes. a long time’ even if i d#decided to pull out later it would be a good thing to get the ball rolling asap if i did end up wanting to do it. but i didn’t understand an#anythi ng and i went along with it anyway and now i might’ve fucked myself over so bad. except i probably didn’t but i feel so bad. bc he wa#was so nice and genuine but maybe he was just trying to sell me a product bc he gets a commission from the insurance company which i he told#me wheni asked him if im getting his help for free. i feel so stupid and guilty omg#and also i signed up for my first credit card but the interest rates are really high which i didn’t realize. and i can’t log into the bank a#account for some reason liek it says my acc doesn’t work. and hr fucked up my pay so i haven’t gotten a time sheet for like 2 pay periods an#and im getting retroactively paid in august but it’s just one more fucking thing and i haven’t gotten the chance to pick new benefits yet#and idk if i can / will bc of my stupid pay situation like i literaly don’t exist in the system rn apparently. i fucking hate all of this i#hate adulting i hate it i hate it i want to explode and hide forever and cry a lot. and my bank account isn’t even my own rn and i don’t und#understand anything about mony or insurance or benefits or credit cards or anything. im so overwhelmed FUCK
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
No seriously, saying “uhm, actually” to a teacher feels like a very Marius thing to do.
OMG it totally does.
"Uhm, actually, did you know...?"
It's 2 hours after the lecture, and the teacher is standing in front of an incredibly polite, well dressed student of about forty. 'Student' seems the wrong word because, in the last 120 minutes, Marius (the teacher had been counting and, oh yes, Marius de Romanus first properly introduced himself) has given him a monologue beyond the abilities of Hamlet, detailing each and every point on Roman history and culture he just incorrectly instructed his students on.
No amount of pointedly looking down at his watch seemed to be getting the message across that the teacher hadn't actually signed on to be the student of his own class tonight. Maybe, just maybe, he has somewhere else to be.
Meanwhile, Daniel and Armand are sitting not too far from here, well within earshot, alternately cackling at and mooning over their old, steady Roman.
"Thank you for your time. I hope to see some adjustments made in your syllabus when I attend again next week."
#next week!! :D#head canons on main#i'm in a very head canon mood this week can you tell?#i mean you don't even have to ask and here it comes#kinda like Marius honestly#I don't get a lot of anons in my ask box#so it's easy for me to make a little production when it happens#:tada:#marius de romanus#armand#daniel molloy#armand x marius x daniel#vc shitpost
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
i gotta say that i'm grateful for food metaphors because a) they make What Codependency Actually Is way, way easier to explain, and b) they give enough of a buffer to explain said things without delving too much into gory details of one's personal experiences
#moogletalks#i am in the process of writing up a very long post about this. some highlights are:#a) codependency is not loving commitment. it is the opposite of loving commitment#codependency is not about being more than the sum of your parts together; it is not about keeping each other fed#it is about cutting off parts of yourselves and each other; it is about depriving yourselves and each other of food.#it is inherently about making you and your relationship /less/#b) codependency is a huge spectrum of traits; features; power imbalances; intentionality; toxicity vs abuse; and direction of the abuse#but what all of it has in common comes down to that.#c) codependency is care and support in the same way that crunch is productivity and love for videogames as an art form#d) why the fuck would you /want/ to do that to someone you love. why would you want to be a part of that process#e) on the flipside: why the fuck would you /want/ to taint someone's love for you by making it into a runaway train#and forcing them to watch helplessly as you park your car on the tracks in front of them and call it love#which. i /do/ know why. it fucking sucks so much and it's so hard when it feels like that's what love is. i've been there.#it's not. i promise you it is not. you deserve better and your loved ones deserve better; and better exists#f) people are unbelievably fucking cruel to codependency survivors and their allies who try to speak up and educate about the harm of this#because they want to sound cool and edgy and counterculture; and coo about their ships#and get clout off of dumbass '''profound''' aesthetic posts about devouring each other and living in a bog because it's Romance or whatever#instead of actually taking any responsibility for knowing what words mean and thinking about the things they say#because they didn't like the tone of some survivors who called them on it and therefore everyone who does is ~cringe~#g) the irony of this is that you stupid motherfuckers sound like people saying 'teehee i stepped on a leaf the intrusive thoughts won!!!'#there is zero difference here. none. you are being that guy.#and it is not any less harmful /or/ embarrassing when you are doing it to codependents instead of people with OCD#you're just embarrassing yourself on tumblr instead of tiktok#i am begging you. learn to take correction. just take the L#and admit that getting all your life advice from bogposts on tumblr is as dumbshit as doing the same with buzzfeed mental health listicles#abuse cw#ableism cw#codependency cw
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
going through etsy grimoire listings like: nope you've used gen ai, nope you've used gen ai, nOPE YOU'VE VERY CLEARLY USED GEN AI, ooo that's a good one bookmark that, nope you've used gen ai, ... -squints- yup, nope, that's some gen ai right there
#cries in wants to support small businesses but theyre being drowned by absolute money grabs#3/10 passed my checks and 7/10 f a i l e d#and that was just the preliminary 'is it v v v obvs gen ai' tbh#i will find the gold in there. i just gotta. use my shovel and dig for a bit first#anyway#finished updating my resume in prep for contract work hunt. since my boss decided to dump Potential Unemployment on me last week.#'i don't want to loose you but i can't afford to keep paying you. can do you a month on - month off where the month off is supported by#fiver?' um?!?! no?!?!!? asdlkjglkfdjgflkdg#if i can get contract work elsewhere then i can do several months at one-several months at the other and just flick between as needed but#still i'm >:/#'you're essential and super skilled' '... cool. can i get paided for my essential and super skilled-ness?' '... -squints- i mean. **i**#could do your job' '... but you don't want to. nor half as fast'#le sigh. anyway. im done venting. i did my productive tasks for the day.#time to go do my Relax So I Don't Have A Seizure task.#personal
1 note
·
View note
Text
Sukuna has never said no to you.
It didn’t matter what the request was, simple or complicated, easy to fix or a days-long job, Sukuna was always at your side, completing the task as fast as he needed to to keep you satisfied. He would love to deny it, you’re sure, but evidence proves time and time again that he puts your needs and wants at the top of his priority list.
And you were curious how far you could go with it.
The two of you are sitting in your underwear at the breakfast nook, warming yourselves in the bay window while the morning sun starts on the leftover night time chill. It wasn't quite time for breakfast, still too early for the both of you. In the meantime, you sip on your morning brews, preserving the comfortable silence. Sukuna is flipping through the day's newspaper, his eyes are groggy with sleep and he hasn't said more than a handful of words to you yet. He wasn't a morning person.
You were starting to change that.
"Kuna," You call to him, nudging him with your foot from your corner of the window bench.
"Hmm?" He doesn't look up from the paper, but his hand reaches down and grabs your foot, pulling it into his lap. His thumbs start to subconsciously knead at your muscles.
"I want these." You hold up your phone, which you had previously been scrolling through in an attempt to find something ridiculous for this exact moment. You were sure you had found it, something even Sukuna would find unnecessary.
And yet, he merely glances at your screen, takes in the sight for all of two seconds, and then returns his attention to whatever news article he was in the middle of.
"My wallet's on the counter." He clears the sleep from his throat not sparing a second look.
You blink at him in surprise.
"D-Did you even see what it is?" You flip your phone around to make sure you were displaying the correct thing.
Sukuna is frowning before he looks up again, curious at your persistence. He gently cups your hand, bringing it only a minuscule amount closer to examine your screen a second time.
You were on one of the most luxurious brand’s websites, showing him an incredibly regular pair of panties, no straps, no details, all black- with one of the most outrageous price tags you had ever seen for something so ordinary.
Sukuna cocks a brow at you over your phone, "Can't imagine you need more panties when you're constantly stealing my boxers. But whatever, hand it over. I know my card number-"
"Kuna," You interrupt him with a surprised laugh, holding fast to your phone when he tries to pluck it out of your hands, "they're a thousand dollars."
He glances back, his eyes focusing lower on the screen where you know the price tag to be. The newspaper in his hands drops down, momentarily forgotten by what he sees. For a moment, you think you've found his limit.
"Wait, are those red one's assless?" He points just below the price, where the recommended products are depicted. "Get those too."
You drop the phone down so that he meets your eyes, which are wide with shock.
Sukuna always took care of you. Always insisted on being the provider of any single thing that you may need; a warm meal, a soft bed, anything your eyes twinkled at that was available for purchase- even if you would never think of buying or owning it. Granted, you never wanted much in terms of material possessions, so you didn't realize the true extent of Sukuna's leniency until now.
It was slightly intimidating, and part of it felt wrong. Sukuna had money, plenty of it, but that didn’t mean he should feel the need to spend copious amounts of it on you just because you could ask him to. He was giving you too much power, it felt like.
You huff through your nose, frowning at him, which only has him tilting his head further to the side in question.
You ignore it, setting your phone onto the window seat and crawling your way closer to him, until you can gather up his face in your hands and lock his gaze into yours.
He glares at you past smushed cheeks, but doesn't make a move to break free of your hold, humoring you. "The hell are you doing-"
"You know you don't always have to say yes to me?"
Now that has him taken aback. His mouth automatically opens for a witty response, but your question seems to have effectively taken the words from his mouth. You can see the cogs in his head turning, and what you wouldn't give to peer inside his mind and hear his thoughts.
It takes him a moment, but eventually that familiar confident smile stretches across his sleepy face. His hands seem to instinctively slide their way up your bare legs until his fingers grip your hip bones, pressing into you.
He hums, "When have you ever said no to me?"
You scoff, ready to give him a prime example, but end up coming up short. The two of you loved to tease each other with disobedience, but in the end you were eager to give Sukuna anything his heart desired. You loved to please him, it was one of your favorite things to do, in fact.
"You never ask anything ridiculous of me." You remind him, smiling as one of his warm hands slides back down your waist and dips into the pair of his boxers you were sporting that day.
"You know what's ridiculous?” His voice wraps around your throat, and suddenly has you swallowing past the delicious grip. You're folding into him before you even realize it, at the mercy of his calloused hands. "The implication that I wouldn't do just about anything for you."
You can't help but sigh hopelessly, although it comes out as a desperate noise that pleads him for more. You really were all his, just like he loved to tell you.
"Now hand me your phone." It's a whisper, coaxing you. "I wanna see you in red."
You can’t say no.
At least it was mutual.
#jjk#jjk x reader#sukuna x reader#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#kuna is a feral dog in the eyes of anyone that isn't you#you bring out the puppy love in this psycho#careful#he bites#this was a short and sweet#fluff
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
usually i'll only pick up on when things are going really well and then a big negative event happens, but this time bad things were happening but a positive came out of it. and it's nice to notice that. i think that's neat
#overall i feel more consistently productive than having big bursts and then super low periods#which is really nice lol#im sure slumps will always come but idk#cnidarian talks#and “productive” to mean like. im having fun and doing nice things and not sweating when i cant do things and not giving up dramatically#getting comfortable with the baby steps that work toward a bigger plan lol#being off of twitter all the time helps :^D#also just realizing how much of my energy is spent on wondering if people are saying negative things about me#and being able to move on from that lmfao#like yea ok maybe they are. and then what#and then NOTHING now back to work
0 notes
Text
J’adore
5.2k words
aespa’s Yoo Jimin/Karina x Male Reader
Prequel to Not Shy
A/N: Kind of extension to Not Shy! Also, this is my last sprint before the midterms lol, I’ll be back after that and try to write something good. Kinda rough bc there’s no beta-reading lol. Thanks for reading as always!!!
—
Spring
“You? A student council member?”
“It’s just the treasurer!”
It’s the easiest position, according to your seniors, which seems to be much, much more credible sources than Kai, the friend you got caught in a debate with.
“Just the treasurer. Mate, have you seen the lads from last year? I swear that one of them almost died.”
“I have to build my portfolio, man. You even have your dance club!” You retort, trying to grasp on something.
“Well, it’s because I like to dance.” Kai says in a mocking tone. He doesn't mean to be condescending, of course. He’s your best friend, after all. “Do you like to work with Excel?”
“I mean–”
“Board games? No, too nerdy. Cheerleader? No, too demanding. And then you fucking jumped onto the student council? I swear, man, you definitely have some kind of death wish,” he says.
You sigh, surrendering to his points. Still, you're too deep in the application process to turn back now. You look back at your phone, seeing all the completed questions in the form.
“I’m not leaving you behind, still,” Kai says, patting your back. “I’ll give you caffeine when you need it.”
Do you think you’re qualified to be a student council member?
Yes.
“I’m sending it now.”
“Good luck.”
Submit
Thank you for your submission. We will announce our selection by May 1st.
—
Summer
Maybe it was how the last year’s council members turned out to be. You were the only one who applied for the treasurer's position. Hell, even the other ones aren’t any more popular either. There was no one in the head of first aid, and they had to roll out another round of applications for that.
The fresh faces of the new student council members are all standing inside this meeting room—so determined, so passionate. Their chatters fill the room up with life.
You glance around the room. You’re familiar with some of them, walk-pasts in the hallways, sitting-fars in the classes, until one woman catches your eye.
Yoo Jimin, you’ve heard that she beat the second place applicant for president by quite a margin. Her confidence is probably what makes her so alluring to the students. Also, her face, fuck, her face, she’s the fucking epitome of perfection.
Maybe it’s the way you stare at her for just a little too long; she starts to walk towards you, and that’s when you fell into her trap for the first time.
She stops just a step away, offering you a handshake—firm, assured.
“Yoo Jimin,” she declares—stern, expressionless.
“Pleasure to meet you, Jimin.” You accept her grip, lips curling inward, letting out a minuscule smile—relaxed, reserved.
“We’ll be working together for the next year. I’m looking forward to it.” She keeps it professional in the expression she makes. There’s nothing to be made of it, except for the fact that she’s very reticent with her face.
You force out another small smile. “I’m also looking forward to it, Jimin.”
—
“Areas! I need two tables and four chairs. Parcels, get your equipment ready.”
The first meeting between the freshmen and their seniors is always the hardest to perfect. There’s the idea that the first impression defines the future of the relationship between the two. So, here you are, in your faculty’s First Meet event. You’re lucky that they let you use the air conditioners on the d-day. Those fucking run-throughs got you all melted.
You have little work to do today, having managed the proposals and preparing to do the post-production stuff. So, you’re at the core team’s table, playing whatever your old laptop can handle, until—
“Are you free?”
You look up from your screen to see the angelic figure that is Yoo Jimin standing in front of you, towering you with ease with you sitting in your seat.
“Uh–,” you can only let out a hesitation.
“I guess you’re—” she bends over the desk to see the gaming screen, before letting out a small laugh. “—free?”
“Y–Yes, Jimin.” A slight view of her cleavage can be seen with her posture, and you have to do your best to find something else to look at.
“Good. Can you help us carry a few tables?”
You look at your frail arms—should’ve done some more work at the gym. “If you want me to tear my biceps.”
Jimin chuckles, before closing on your ear, left hand pressing on your right thigh, “Don’t worry that you wouldn’t be able to jerk off, treasurer. I can do it for you.”
You freeze, not believing the words coming out of her mouth. Did she just say that? Such lewd words?
Jimin, sensing your tensed up body, pulls back from you and laughs. “Oh my god, look at you. I was just fucking with you!”
“Good grief, Jimin. You could’ve killed me,” you huff.
She shoots back a beam. “Come on, let’s get to work.”
—
Fall
The clicking sound of your keyboard and the scratches of the bills you’re arranging permeates the room this evening. Jimin is sitting on the other side of the trash-ridden table—stationeries, snack wraps—eyes unfocused as she swipes one short video after another. Her thoughts seem to be elsewhere now. Dinner? Bed? Someone? You’ll never know.
“Fucking hell, this bitch again,” she mutters under her breath, which you catch. You look up from the budget plan you’re working on, meeting her eyes.
“Sorry, Tinder stuff.”
You return her a tiny smile before going back to inputting the bills. Still, you can hear Jimin’s tossing and turning in her chair as she seems to type something into her phone, before smashing her thumb on the right side of its poor screen. You can’t help but let out a chuckle, one that she catches.
“Yeah, it’s pathetic, isn’t it?” Jimin rhetorizes, placing her phone on the table. “A student president that just can’t find any partner.”
You shrug, still typing, “Well, the work is gruelling.” And she chuckles at your statement.
“Yeah, I guess so. But it’s just, how to explain?” She furrows her eyebrows, tapping her chin to seek the right word in the air, before coming to an answer. “I just can’t find the right person, you know? Half of the line is gone once I show any bit of confidence, and the other half are, well, clingy ass bitches.”
You smile back at her, trying to give her some solace in solitude. “I’m sure you’ll find the right person soon, Jimin. You like–have the whole faculty in your hands.”
She gives you a weak smile. “You always have pleasant words for everyone, treasurer.”
You smile back before returning to your accounting work, unbeknownst to the light bulb brightening up inside her head.
“So, how’s your love life?” She asks, rising from the other side. She leans forward ever so slightly, hands supporting her frame on the white table, slightly revealing the valley of her breasts.
You break yourself from the laptop, once again, meeting her cleavage in your line of sight for a split second. It’s magnetic, but you’re able to resist it, for now.
“Hmm?”
“I mean… you don’t seem to be an awful choice for women, or men, judging from… how many months?”
“Four,” and you gulp.
“Yeah, four months with you, my treasurer. But I’ve never quite caught you being involved in anything,”—she stands up straight, before slowly striding towards your seat, hips swaying at each nifty step—“romantic.”
You clench your eyes ever so tightly at her alluring motion—the swaying hips, the crossing steps—as if there’s anything to examine but her burning lust. “Well, Jimin, I don’t think the passive mid-table guys get much,” you state.
“Is that so? Because you don’t seem to belong at the mid-table.” The distance between you two is shrinking, slowly. And with a few more small steps, you find her towering over you, chest basking in front of your face.
Jimin bends down slowly, revealing just a slight sight of her gorgeous cleavage. The poor crop top is struggling to hold her supple flesh within, even with the workshop shirt helping. You shift just slightly in your seat.
Your eyes are doing their best to resist the magnetic force, but her big brown eyes aren't a sanctuary, either.
“Thanks, miss president.”
Her Dior J’adore is enrapturing you.
“You know, I notice the perfume you wear every day, even if it’s just CK One.” She forces sultry into her perceptive words, and to say, it works. She drags her right middle finger along the length of your arm, lighting a fire in its trail.
You try to keep your composure; it works, for now. She doesn’t seem to notice the sweat hanging off your forehead yet.
“Or how you dress so damn well to class, even if it’s some fuckass subject,” Jimin continues, tracing her hands up to your forearm now.
Your breath hitches, and you can just connect the dots so easily.
“W–Why me, though, Jimin?”
“Oh, clever boy, I just need the real thing, that’s all,” she coos. Her digits are playing with the line of your collarbones now.
“See, I’m just so fucking sick of my—well, what’s the word, devices. They’re pleasurable, sure, but unlike a real person, which in this case—is you—” Her hand grabs your chin from behind, and you can’t find any resistance. Her sonic reduces into a sensual whisper into your ear. “—they lack warmth.”
“S–So, do you want to have—”
“Sex? Yes, I want you inside me, baby. I want you body clashing against mine, while you moan my name like you’re some common whore.”
It’s haywire, your mind. You are lost in her—her voice, her face, her body, everything that’s about Jimin. Is she really inviting you to have sex with her? Is this interaction even real?
“So, what do you say, wanna go somewhere after this? Somewhere—small, somewhere—private.” Her voice dives into a whisper beside your ear, and you can feel a smile forming beside it. “I’m sure you can work on your bills—anywhere.”
You stare forward, trying to look unfazed to cover your crumbling composure.
“I–I can work on the bills anywhere, Jimin.” Your voice betrays you.
She gives a quiet laugh, “Good to know, treasurer,” before lightly grabbing your chin, with her index and middle finger resting on your lips. Are they seeking silence or entry?
Slowly, they push your upper lip ever so slightly, eliciting a whimper from you. Fuck, is she trying to—
“You know what to do, baby.”
Rejection.
Hesitation.
Submission.
You open your mouth for her—now courtesy of Yoo Jimin. You take in her fingers. They’re cold from the air conditioner. Bite. Lick. Swallow. You close your eyes while doing so, absorbing her taste with your tongue. You feel you’re under her control—so submissive. It’s ecstatic.
“God, do you like being called a whore? Because you’re acting like one right now,” Jimin asks.
You profusely nod at her statement, continuing to suck on her fingers.
“Then keep doing it, whore.”
Your eyes roll into the back of your head as you can hear her giggle. And as your vision comes back to her, the free hand is rubbing against her clothed core now. Mewling sounds can be heard.
“God, keep sucking it, baby. I’ve never cummed as fast as this before.”
“Ngh.” And you keep sucking her fingers.
A sound of the door stops you in your tracks though.
“Guys, I need a few chairs–am I interrupting something?”
Ning Yizhuo, head of student welfare, barges into the room. She stares straight at you two. Good thing Jimin pulls her digits out and puts them behind her back before Yizhuo’s eyes catch sight of you glistening on her, leaving you stranded in your burning desire for your president.
Maybe it’s the way your eyes are still fluttering. Maybe it’s the way your mouth ever so slightly hangs open. Maybe it’s your quick breaths.
Yizhuo wants to know what’s up.
“We’re just–” Jimin tries to find the right word in your eyes. Her blinks are rapid. She’s concerned. She’s afraid.
“You’re–what?” Yizhuo isn’t a patient figure. She’s trying to gauge something out of Karina.
“I–I’m adjusting his posture! O–Our dear treasurer has a bad sitting posture and–”
“Cut the shit, Jimin. What the fuck did you guys do?”
“S–See, he’s sitting a lot, you know? B–Bills. Accounting. Excel stuff.” Jimin’s brows hint at the concern within her chuckle. She pushes the middle of your back to set you straight up. As you follow her move, Yizhuo clenches her eyes.
“Just get me some chairs and don’t fuck inside this room.”
—
Jimin swings her door open, and as expected, every single bit of it is immaculately kept clean. There’s not a single piece of trash on the floor of her white room; the table is meticulously arranged; the bed is folded. There’s a Meteora vinyl placed on her shelf. God, what a tasteful woman.
“Drop your bag.”
You comply as she also does so.
And she immediately pounces on your body, consuming your taste and scent at your nape. Her lips are wet, sending shocks through your pliant frame.
“Mmph, keep this perfume, baby. I just wanna have this scent of you every day.”
It’s CK One.
She plants her kisses along your neck—standing up straight—ever so determined to make you hers. Her hands lock your shifting, shaking body in place, despite being so eager to feel every inch of you—up and down.
“So—pliant, so—submissive,” she whispers.
“I wouldn’t go that far,” you deflect, trying to have a hold of the battle. There’s a glint of brattiness inside you that wants to resist her just a little, just before you give in.
“Is that so?” Jimin mewls, before pushing you onto the bed.
“I’m not letting you have me that easily, miss president,” you say with your back against her soft cushion. Jimin is straddling her lean, lengthy legs over yours. She looks so damn tall from this view—you lying beneath her.
“Sucking my fingers, then decide to be a bratty bitch right now—” She lightly taps the tip of your nose, also scrunching hers. “—I like that.”
You say nothing, giving her just a wink from below.
“Oh, baby, I’ll have you scream my name so many times.”
“Fucking make me then.”
And fires ignite in her eyes.
She dives onto your left ear—nibbling, biting, swallowing, whatever she can do with her mouth without tearing your auricle off. Her deep moans send suppressed shudders through your neurons.
Jimin spreads saliva all over your ear, no sign of relenting. Slurping sounds of her flesh ring in your head. She plants each lick with purpose, and it sends jolts and jolts through your body. Still, you’re far from falling apart—tethered on the ground.
“Tsk, i–is this the best y–you can do?”
“Oh, baby, you’re already stuttering? I can do more if you want~,” she tastefully threatens. Then, she brings her right hand into play, tilting your chin up. Your mouth is right beside her neck. The pale smoothness of her skin is presented in front of you, and you just can’t help but—
“F–Fuck!” Jimin yells, clearly enraptured with the swipes of tongue you are giving her. Still, she keeps spreading her saliva on your ear as if it’s hers (it’s hers).
“Oh, b–baby boy, maybe you can use your t–tongue on other things instead,” she whines.
“Your cunt?” You keep stretching your tongue onto her nape, getting a taste of her sweat.
She pulls back from you, robbing the sensations away from your throat. “Clever, now just lie like this. I’m riding your pretty face.”
Jimin then takes off her purple lace panties, giving you a hint of her wet cunt—unshaved—as she lifts her leg, before stuffing the garment onto your nose. Fuck, her musk is so intense; you can just die happily right here.
“You just love it, don’t you?”
You sheepishly nod, pressing her panties against your nose even tighter, eliciting laughs from her sinful mouth.
“I think that’s enough, baby. I wanna fuck your face now,” she says, before tossing away the filthy garment.
Jimin then moves forward on her knees, bringing her heat closer and closer to your face. God, the fact that she’s unshaved only brings you higher. You need to slurp her juice; you need it on your face, you–
“Ready?”
Her cunt is hovering above you now, she’s pulling her skirt up, letting you see her face for the last time before being buried under her.
You nod.
And she sinks onto your face.
The first contact is soft, so, so soft. You’re practically making out with pussy, as she shakes above you erratically. There isn’t much light, with her skirt darkening your vision of what’s around, but it’s like you’d complain. You’re eating your student president out in her room, and you’re doing it so, so well that it sends shivers through her body, again and again.
“Ngh, f–fuck!” Jimin shouts from above—the things you’d do to see her face right now, to see an effect you’re having on her.
You say nothing, just keep lapping up her folds enthusiastically. Her juice drips into your mouth—sweet.
Jimin starts to grind her hips, as the moans grow louder. She’s getting wetter, and you’re still happily drinking her sugary nectar—drunk with it.
“Ah, ah, y–you’re doing well, my treasurer.”
You give her a thumbs up. You keep licking her cunt as if your life is depending on it. She moans so loud; everyone on this floor is probably going to hear that, but you don’t care anymore. The only thing in your head right now is to please Jimin—only Yoo Jimin.
And you can feel her thighs tense, shaking with pleasure. She’s going to cum. Her moans grow more chaotic and shorter than they were.
“Fuck, fuck, I’m cumming, I’m cumming, fuck!”
She cums hard, collapsing onto the bed, cunt still on your face, ass up in the air. Her core clenches and clenches on your face, and she just forgets to breathe as her hips convulse.
“No squirt today, huh?” you joke from below.
She snaps back into the situation she’s in, sneering, “Fuck off, don’t fucking play stupid with me, wh–whore.”
You laugh, “Alright, alright, let’s get to the main course, shall we?”
“Y–Yeah.”
Jimin lifts off from you, leaving a string of her lubricant between your lips and her cunt.
“God, that’s hot,” you just can’t help but say it.
She giggles, and you can now see the sweat forming on her forehead; there’s beauty in it.
You two, in a haste, discard all of your clothes until you’re left with nothing—just bare bodies on the bed together. You’re sitting opposite of her, expecting her to say something.
She looks ethereal under the room light. The messy hair, the perfect features, the bare body, they all combine into the epitome of perfection right in front of you. Fuck, she’s gorgeous.
“Can I suck your tits?” you mutter. Fuck reticence, you need her, now.
She chuckles. “Sure, but only if I’m on top of you.”
“You just have to find a way to dominate me, don’t you?” you huff.
“Don’t say it like you don’t like it, baby.” She caresses your cheeks, and you shiver at her touch.
You lie down, as she slowly eclipses the light above both of you. Her large breasts are hanging down so close to your face. And—
“F–Fuck!”
You latch your mouth on her right breast as if it’s innate, with your hand kneading on the other. She lets out empyrean moans that only makes you want to suck on them even more. God, you can do this all day.
And not wanting to wait anymore, she impales her cunt with your cock, and you can only moan into her tits. This sensation, it’s overwhelming. Her velvety walls are hugging you so, so tightly. It’s so warm. She’s warm.
“Fuck,” she groans, eyes rolling into the back of her head. “Your cock is so well-bent, baby. It’s hitting my g-spot so good.”
“T–Thanks, J–Jimin.” Your mind is so damn clouded by the pleasure that you can say nothing but her name right now.
And a crack starts to form when she moves—up and down. Her unshaved cunt dragging along your digit, emanating pleasure all over your body from the core.
“B–Babe, c–can you stop s–sucking my tits?” she pleads.
You pull yourself out of her mounds, as she’s still riding you like there’s no tomorrow, and you let out small moans at each contact. “W–What? Ngh.”
“I wanna kiss you.”
You freeze under her. She’s still motioning herself to squeeze the cum out of you, whimpering each time your cock hits the hilt. Is it a confession? Does she love—
“B–Babe,” she brings you back to the mortal world.
“Y–Yeah, kiss me.”
She invades your mouth as if it wasn’t already hers at the second she sits on your face. Your tongues intertwine in a quest to declare their feelings of their owners.
Your hands are still squeezing her breasts. It’s addictive. You press and press into her flesh just to feel her as much as you can. This might as well be the only body you want to have just to yourself, as you dedicate yours to her. Every curve, every contour, every limb, you want her; you want her to want you; you need her. This kiss, fuck, it’s doing wonders to you.
She’d be the one to break off from the kiss to pant above you, hips still smashing into yours in a perfect rhythm.
“W–Wanna go out with me?” she asks.
She’s desperate, all the Tinder dates, all the–
“Babe, I–I fucking know that it’s desperate, yes or no. Fuck those Tinder dates, fuck those guys and girls, I–I want to go out with you, t–treasurer,” she pants.
Maybe it’s her J’adore that’s permeating all over you. Maybe it’s the way your hips are clashing into each other. Maybe, just maybe, it’s the glint in her eyes.
But if you have to recall, it’d be the confidence she’s radiating in clashing your flesh together just right now.
You nod.
Jimin smiles, pulling you into another kiss. You swear it can tear you apart if you have to let this woman go—figuratively.
She pulls off, her breaths becoming shorter and shorter again. “C–Can you cum with me, baby?”
Again, you nod, smiling. It’s inside your loins, building up, building up. Your body tenses up beneath her, same as hers. It’s there. It’s there.
“Fuck, baby, breed me. I’m yours, just breed me, just–ugh!”
And her whole body freezes, juices flowing onto your crotch. Her face is contorted by the pleasure coursing through her. Again, she forgets to breathe, back arching. You don’t slow down, though. Your orgasm is coming too.
“B–Babe–ah!”
It breaks. You busy yourself inside her to the hilt. Just like her, you forget to breathe. You shoot spurts of your seed deep into her womb, intending to breed her as her wish. Your cock shakes inside her, as she moans at each twitch.
It subsides, eventually. The shots get softer and softer to the point the cum just dribbles off the tip of you now. Fuck, your juices even leak out of her cunt onto your crotch, mixed together.
“F–Fuck,” is all she can say, before collapsing onto you, chest pressed up against yours.
“The plan’s still up?”
“Yeah.”
And she slips to the side, embracing you from behind, as you two doze off in the nocturne.
—
“Can I use your toothbrush?”
A long drag of uncertainty comes from the outside. Sun has risen hours ago, yet you two are still in the drowsy state.
“Or do I have to kiss you again for the answer, Jimin?”
“Put your morning breath away from me!”
At least she’s quick with her riposte.
As you brush your teeth, naked, she saunters into the bathroom, still similarly bare from last night. Her breasts bounce ever so slightly with each step in the mirror. Despite the disheveled appearance, her natural beauty shines through the mess—a seraphic being, one might say.
“Ha, yeah, I know I’m pretty, baby,” she says. “People would kill to have a body like me.”
You finish your clean up, before saying, “You’re insufferable, you know?”
Jimin laughs, before giving you a quick peck on the cheek, emanating mellow all over your face. Fuck, you can feel the blood rushing to your erection now.
“You too, babe.” She smiles, before grabbing her mouthwash for a gargling.
Your cock, again, finds the condition to rise in front of this woman. It’s twitching, and you just have to turn back before she notices it.
Still, her sharp eyes find you, and she gives you a small slap on your bare ass, sending pleasure rushing through your body.
“Hey!” she growls with the mouthwash, before quickly disposing of it. “You’re fucking hard again?”
“I–I–I–uh–”
Jimin then presses herself up against your back, arms ever so tightly trapping you from behind in a hug. It’s warm. She’s warm.
“Let me, baby,” she whispers against your wobbling right ear. “I can’t have my co-workers’ needs go unsated.”
“F–Fucking hell.”
In one careful motion, Jimin slides her arms down to your erection, right hand grabbing the length. “Wouldn’t mind some respect from my baby boy~” Her grip and the languid, careful strokes make your legs wobble.
“Tsk, n–no fucking way, J–Jimin,” you muster any inhibition you have left to deflect.
“Well, then.” Jimin then tightens her hold on your cock, transpiring both pain and pleasure to you. “How about now?”
“Nghhhh, f–fuck,” you cry out, the contorted expression appears in the mirror.
“Just like that, baby, moan for me. Show me who owns you,” Jimin coos, loosening her hold a slight, still keeping the adagio tempo.
“Nnnh, J–Jimin.”
“Good boy, good boy,” she murmurs.
She drags her filthy hand up and down your cock so leisurely, finding the rhythm for your pliancy. She strokes and strokes to build you up to the second release with her, this time by her hand.
It feels like eternity—the way her unhurried digits find the pace that would make you want so much more, or how she whispers ‘good boy’ into your ear every time she wants a whiff of reassurance of control. It’s like she needs one, anyway, judging by how you’re moaning like a bitch right now.
“God, you’re making so much sound for me.” The way she swipes her index finger at the tip of your cock on each stroke, fuck, you can fall onto the floor right here and now. “Wanna see your face in the mirror, baby?”
You turn your head leftwards to find reflections of a contorted face and a grin side by side. Her hand is diligent as ever—building you up to your inevitable release.
“What do you say, baby? Wanna see our faces in the mirror?” she inquires again. You can feel a mischievous smile beside your ear.
“Ngnh, a–alright.”
With ease, she forces your body to turn into your image of the ball of lust—the shower of kisses on your neck; the hand sliding up and down your cock; the thigh pressing up against your ass. You shift and shift within her restraint, and that seems to only fuel her fire.
“Moan some more for me, baby. I wanna hear your voice. I want my men moaning.”
You comply, letting out a series of whimpers just for your student president. The sensation of her hand is so damn enthralling—each slide, each nick of a finger, each twist of her wrist, they are all designed to make you surrender to her.
“Good boy. Your moans are so pleasing to hear, you know that?”
“Nngh, t–thanks, Jimin.”
“Wanna up the ante, baby? I can do it faster~” As if her languid tempo isn’t already doing its job in trapping you inside her overflowing lust.
You hesitate, finding yourself wanting this act to go on to such lengths, maybe even when the sun sets again. Being under her comforting warmth is too satisfying.
“I–I don’t know, Jimin.”
“Oh, this baby can’t decide? Guess I’ll just have to–”
She suddenly lets go of your length, cutting your string of desire so easily. You whine, as Jimin lets out a laugh.
“Don’t!” you say in a rush, and letting go the hand you haven’t realized you’ve been holding—hers.
Jimin giggles. “Say please, baby.” She tightens her hug on you, squeezing the plea out.
Your eyes meet hers in the mirror.
“Please, Jimin.”
“Good boy.” And she wraps her hand around your erection again, casually stroking it.
“Ngh.”
The sound of her jerking your shaft fills the room. It’s heavenly—her voluptuous chest pressing up against your arching back with right hand busy sliding on your rod. She does it so cleanly—the technique, the pace. You swear you will cum by the second she whispers another ‘good boy’ into your welcoming ears.
As if she knows your inevitable release, she seeks a higher speed on your cock, stroking it with a swiftness that tries to draw out your moan and your cum as much as she can.
“Ngh, J–Jimin,” you whimper.
“Oh, gonna cum already, baby?” Jimin giggles at your crumble, before giving a peck on your left cheek. “Go on, cum for me. Cum, just like you did last night inside me.”
White spots start to form within your vision. Your breaths become more erratic. It’s there. It’s there.
“Jimin~”
And you explode all over her mirror, painting white streaks on it. You are left with ecstasy on your face as Jimin smiles at your release. Your body shrieks and shudders in her embrace. Your cock twitches in her hand, sending flying ropes of cum everywhere. Fuck.
“Yes, baby, just like that.” Her voice is deep—so seductive.
You continue to shake in her hold, not being able to subside from your high so quickly. Your release grows lighter and lighter in her hand, until it comes out in drops, finally letting you catch your breath.
“Good boy,” Jimin says, before forcing your body towards hers. You are spun around, and she gives you a kiss.
It’s short, but it’s powerful—no tongue fighting for dominance, no slurping sounds, just a kiss.
And she pulls back from it once she’s satisfied, judging from the smile on her face.
“Wanna do this again?” she asks.
“Definitely—well—maybe. You know Yizhuo would beat our asses if she catches us again, right?”
“Just shut up, babe. She won’t know if you’re good with secrets like me.”
You pout, bringing out a laugh from her.
Winter
“It’s going well, isn’t it?” Kai asks.
You give him a small smile. “It’s bearable, yeah.”
“Good to know, good to know.” He then takes a sip of his latte from his cup, looking outside.
“Fuck, I forgot to ask you this,” you say. “Are you seeing anyone?”
“Oh yeah! In fact, there’s a woman I've been seeing recently, Yizhuo. You probably know her, right? You guys are working together,” Kai answers.
“Oh,” you utter. “Oh.”
He chuckles, before continuing, “Yeah, I know it’s weird–”
“No, no, not at all, bro,” you deflect with a chuckle along with him. “I’m happy that you’re happy.”
Kai, still chuckling, inquires, “How about you? It’s gotta be more than ‘bearable’ for you to be all happy like this.”
You give him a smile.
#karina#karina smut#karina x reader#aespa#aespa smut#kpop fanfic#kpop smut#male reader#male reader smut
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
English subtitles for Johanne Sacreblue
You've probably heard of a parody of Emilia Pérez (produced by a Mexican trans woman!!!) called Johanne Sacreblue. The whole thing is in Spanish (and French, obviously), so I translated the whole thing to English (see read more)
While I wasn't involved in the production of the original short, I'm Mexican and I have a degree in Translation and Applied Linguistics, so hopefully you'll enjoy my translation. Please give the video some love and don't give Emilia Pérez more attention!!
!!!!!!!! ENGLISH SUBTITLES !!!!!!!!!
(Hey! I'm a professional translator, and I translated the whole thing in English. Please upvote so more people can enjoy this video!)
Ah, nauseating France.
Home of wonderful food such as baguettes, croissants, and more.
Lots of wonderful people live here.
Obviously, we’re French.
This might look like a love story,
but open your eyes and pay attention!
In France there’s rising burglary rates.
But why tell you about France when I can show you?
Welcome to la France!
♫
Welcome to la France.
A unique and special country.
Where you’ll know what it means to truly love. Love, love from France.
Live the experience of this place.
[Homer Simpson voice] Wow, classy.
Maitre D': Good evening, sir. Would you please leave without a fuss right now?
Homer: OK.
Welcome to la France
where you’ll get your heart stolen,
and your wallet, too.
Welcome to la France,
but if you’re Muslim, homosexual, or Black,
I want you to stay back.
Crêpes? Les crêpes? I didn’t shower today.
I’m not worried. I smell just fine.
Like rats, sweat, and wine.
The cheese I eat smells better than me,
but my perfume can take care of it.
I love feeling superior.
Here’s some rapping just because.
Oh, mon ami. Merci. Sacré bleu. Comment tu t’appelles? Merci. Déjà vu. Bon voyage! Pizza, kwason.
It’s croissant, croissant, croissant!
Welcome to la France
where you’ll get your heart stolen,
and your wallet, too.
Welcome to la France,
but if you’re Muslim, homosexual, or Black,
I want you to stay back.
Hit it, Mbappé.
Viva Cinco the Mayo!
Long live cakes!
Marie Antoinette!
Long live cakes!
My fucking crêpe still hurts when I think of you
Part 1: surprise and challenge.
Maybe all those years living in a ranch were good for him.
He wasn’t living in a ranch!
He lived in Mexico City for ten years.
Same thing. It might as well have been a jungle.
Mexicans are savages.
Do you know what they do to cheese over there?
They eat it fresh!
I don’t think he copied their ways.
He’s still a good Frenchman.
He better be. I expect no less.
He’s my only son.
All the suffering in Mexico must’ve gotten rid of his rebel nature.
He’ll be the perfect man. The perfect male successor for the largest baguette company in France.
My son. My manly son.
Did I already mention that my son is a man?
He’s here!
Maman, papa… bonjour!
Son of a-
[title credits] Johanne Sacreblue. Directed by someone with ADHD.
What were you up to in Mexico?
I learned how to open a beer using a bill.
Jonathan is using a dress, Bridgitte. And he has breasts! What do you think he was up to in Mexico?
Now my name is Johanne.
Nonsense! You’re not getting the company. No way.
That’s fine. I don’t even want it.
Honey, it’s your future. You’re our only DAUGHTER. You have to take the position.
You’ll get the company. End of story.
You don’t even want me to own the company!
Because I didn’t think it’s what you wanted!
Why did we stop speaking French?
What did you say?
Nothing. I got confused.
I’ll tell you something: remember the Ratatouille? They gave us this letter. They challenged us to the national France competition to decide once and for all what’s better: baguettes or croissants.
Do you want to enjoy your fortune? Win this competition and manage the company. Or go back to Mexico to eat guacamole.
For the last time, no! You won’t get the company.
I’m the only one who’s always loved croissants.
I’m the oldest son. It’s my right.
Your right? How can think that about your brothers?
Any of them could do a good job.
Hugo can’t get over his artistic phase and he’s addicted to sniffing paint thinner!
I’m not just sniffing paint thinner! Yellow paint makes me happy.
Mario Hugo! Good luck with his twangy voice.
Mario Hugo: I agree with my beloved brother, but I love you, my family.
No one knows what you’re saying!
Dugo is young! Why can’t it be me?
Well, first of all, you don’t have a penis!
Oof. Gotcha.
I’m trans. Other than that, I haven’t changed at all.
Does it really affect you that much?
I’ve made myself clear: anything that affects our family affects me!
It’s not that we don’t love you, honey, it’s just that… you embarrass us.
You’re not even an Hugo!
Yes, I am! I’m [French accent] Arturo! (Translator’s note: the rhyme got lost in translation. Sorry about that).
“Arturo” isn’t “Hugo”!
Yes, it is! Ar-tu-ro!
Where did you get that?
Well… Chofls!! The letter!
The Sacrebleu have invited us to the Great Paris Competition. We will show once and for all what food item best represents our country! If you beat that family’s stupid transexual, you’ll get the company
I don’t know what to do, bestie. I don’t want to own that goddamn company.
And why don’t you learn how to do something?
Because if I do it, they’re gonna cut me off, and I’ll be an unemployed, 28-year-old trans woman who has no life skills.
Why don’t you just tell your father that you don’t want to do it and that you won’t do it?
It’s too late. I have no choice.
Bestie, I’m so sorry you can’t enjoy your fortune with no commitment.
It’s awful…
Good evening, ladies. What can I get you?
I’ll have some French molletes.
I’ll have chicken.
Of course, ma’am. How shall we cook it?
Anything is fine as long as you kill it as cruelly as possible.
Excellent choice, ma’am.
Anything else? Would that be all?
That’ll be all. Well, actually, I think I also want-
You said that would be all! You must assume the consequences of your decisions. Rot in hell! [spits]
Oh my, what a great service!
I know! They have the best customer service in France! Okay, so are you signing up for the competition?
I really don’t have a choice…
Bestie, you can do anything. You’re stronger than every woman I know, and I’m not just saying this because you used to be a man…
Thanks for the clarification.
You’re gonna compete and you’re gonna win.
Emily, you have no idea how much that means to me. You’re the only reason I wanted to come to Paris. I wanted to see my friend Emily in Paris. It was the only reason I wanted to come tot this city: see Emily in Paris.
Oh l�� là, I know! Everyone tells me that! What I don’t get is why you don’t want to compete. This is such an honor for France-
It’s just that there’s a lot of things I don’t understand since I came back. Why are we so impolite? Why do we love animal cruelty? And why exactly do we hate Muslims?
Because it’s fun!
Yeah, maybe, but have you ever considered that it’s wrong?
Oh my God! You’re right! I’d never thought about it! We’re awful!
Oui!
What we do to birds… we drown them in cognac! Why are we doing it? Who thought of that?
I don’t know.
I feel.. dirty! I want to take a shower!
I knew I wasn’t crazy!
Seriously… I never thought that we were doing something wrong. I always thought that people who get minimum wage liked how we treat them. No wonder they sent you to Mexico… You’re crazy.
I got sent to Mexico for being trans.
They sent you to Mexico because you’ve been hallucinating. You’re seeing Marie Antoinette.
I’m not hallucinating! It’s the actual ghost of Marie Antoinette.
Marie Antoinette: don’t listen to hear. She dresses like a Guatemalan. I’m as real as my tragic death. They should behead her for having such damaged hair.
There’s no point in knowing the truth about France. At the end of the day, I’m just an ordinary French millionaire with enough money to live for four days. There’s nothing I can do.
Marie Antoinette: [unintelligible] sleep paralysis at night.
If you win, all of France will listen to you.
Ladybug: Welcome to the most important competition of la France, where France’s most important families will make a very important decision.
Cat Noir: that’s right! We’re here to make a very important decision. What food best represents France: baguettes or croissants?
Our fellow citizens will know what we’re talking about, but for those dirty foreigners that only know how to use soap…
Wear perfume!
We’ll explain the rules.
There’s two events: whoever wins both will be victorious!
The first even will be a race! The first one to reach the Eiffel tower, touch it and say our catchphrase “we give up!” will be the winner!
Without further ado, we’re heading to the competition!
It’s the best race I’ve seen years!
The Ratatouille throw a croissant to the Sacreblue and almost slashes her throat. It’s cat-tastic!
But Johanne takes the lead with 400 rats, and she wins the race!
Rats! Meow!
Here she comes!
Vive la France!
Your love for croissants ends here. What an embarrassment!
Don’t feel bad, honey. I never really expected anything from you.
Arturo, I’m not gonna lie…
Brother, defeat will only make you stronger.
What?
You’re a great man. You’ll make it.
Can I have five French dollars to buy yellow paint? I want to paint.
Later that night in some French dumpster
♫
I’m just a trash man in Paris.
Another piece of trash in Paris.
But I’m also the greatest trash
I’m the trash man.
I’m such trash that I made a fortune using other cultures.
I’m such trash that I enjoy cancelling last minute
because I’m scared
that they’ll see my tiny baguette.
I don’t have the guts to say that I fucked up.
I’m scared to know what people think of me
If I’m a good guy or just a bald bad guy
I’m such trash that it’s embarrassing.
I thought Karla Sofia was from Puebla.
I’m such trash that I wrote a musical about narcos.
“Penis to vagina, woman to man.”
What the fuck was that shit, bro?
I’m disgusting, don’t you see?
I’m disgusting, don’t you see?
Part 2: from hate to love
Why did you ask me to meet you here?
[sigh] I came to ask you to stop fighting over something as dumb as bread.
Baguettes are just bread, but croissants are France itself. It’s in our veins, in our wine, in the air we breathe!
Arturo, wait, don’t do it!
[coughing]
You can’t take a deep breath in France. Dumbass.
Whatever. You’re just saying this because you’ve been away for a long time. You’re nothing but a chimichanga lover.
Cinco de Mayo!
How dare you!
Does it make you feel good to be a man hitting a woman?
Actually, yes. Now I get why we do it.
I’ve had enough! I can’t take it anymore! What’s wrong with France? Why do they like to hit women? Why do they like racism? Can’t you see that what we’re doing is wrong?
Actually, no. I had never thought about it. I never considered that… Oh my God… We’re monsters! What are we doing? We must put an end to this!
But how?
You’ll do it with me. With your amazing arguments, we’ll change France.
Do you think it can be done? But how?
Oui, mademoiselle. If you let me win the second event, it’ll be a tie, and they’ll have to listen to us according to the French rules I hadn’t mentioned before.
I don’t know if I can trust you.
Trust me, mademoiselle. Trust this stinky French heart.
Alright. Kiss me.
Do you want me to kiss you?
Yes. Give me a French kiss.
Here it’s just “a kiss”, stupid
Welcome to the second competition!
This is the most fabulous competition! It’s the racism competition!
That’s right, Cat Noir! And for those stupid Americans who don’t know what we’re talking about, in this competition, participants are given a total of 30 minutes to deport and catch as many immigrants as possible.
Everything is allowed: from making up crimes to blackmailing!
Each Muslim is worth 5 points. However, participants can get extra points from hate crimes against Muslims, Black people, Latinos, members of the LGBT community, and fans of Emily in Paris!
Let’s watch the racism competition!
We apologize for the technical issues. Cat Noir had a fanatic episode.
It was amazing! With a great lead, our winner, Arturo, was victorious. So we’ll have to call this a tie.
Oh! For the first time in more than ten years, we’re getting some words from our ten French emperors!
Stop!
There… won’t be… a tie!
This decision will no longer be postponed.
Declaramos abierto el duelo final.
And it’ll happen right now.
Because I love Queen Marie Antoinette.
The final duel…
It’s the fight to the death with baguettes!
Good luck! And may the Frenchest win. Yes. Oui. Oui. Oui.
[Elmo]
Part 3: destiny
Fight to the death with baguettes?!
Fight to the death with baguettes?!
Fight to the death with baguettes?!
I think there’s gonna be a fight to the death with baguettes.
What? Fight to the death with baguettes? What’s that?
Oh, fight to the death with baguettes. I’ve heard about it. I think they’re gonna fight to the death… with baguettes.
[gasp]
Johanne: I don’t want to fight to the death with baguettes with you.
Arturo: Neither do I, but we have no choice.
J: Yes, there is. Haven’t they considered that this is wrong?
No!
Arturo: Papa Johns!
Papa Johns: I pitted your families against you with a little help from whom you love the most… your butlers.
Arturo: Chofls!
Johanne: Wigles, why?
Wiggles: I’m sorry, madame. I need the money, and you haven’t given me raise in 25 years.
Papa Johns: I’ll destroy you so the greatest French food gets recognition: French fries!
Johanne: You’re losing a lot of wine.
Johanne: you have a rat on your head!
Papa Johns: this tiny chef taught me his secrets, and I used them for evil.
Wigles: I think I got Stockholm syndrome due to so many years of labor exploitation.
And that’s how we got away from the bad guy, Mr. French ambassador.
Controlled by a rat… The nightmare of every French. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s how Johanne Sacreblue and Arturo Ratatouille restored the glory of France. What a captivating story you’ve brought us, full of pain and social commentary. Is there anything else you would like to add before we run out of funds?
Well, actually, yes. As many of you know, I went to Mexico, and my fellow Mexicans asked me to bring a gift to France when I came back, and what a better person to give it to than the ambassador?
Oh, what wonderful surprise have you brought from Mexico? Could it be some wonderful Mexican tortillas?
Wait… Is that-
Yes, a cake. Un gâteau.
[Credits]
And that’s the story of how your parents saved la France.
Thanks for telling me these stories, grandma.
My grand-son. My grand-son, a boy…
[sigh]
♫
Tito, my grandson Tito (translator’s note: another rhyme that got lost in translation. Sorry again). Tito, tito. My grandson Tito.
You smell like frog legs in the morning.
You smell like you haven’t showered in weeks.
You smell like a moldy baguette.
You smell like the omelette that I ate.
You smell like cheese. Smelly, smelly!
You smell like your grandma.
Tito, Tito, Tito, my grandson Tito.
You smell like snails. You smell like escargot.
You smell like France.
#emilia perez#johanne sacreblue#selena gomez#mexico#zoe saldana#karla sofia gascon#jacques audiard#trans rights
1K notes
·
View notes