#TW: end of life care

[jawritter]

Story time?

You guys know when I have a tough time dealing with things, certain things going on in my life, I write about it to vent it, and it works for me. Well, I need to vent for a minute. I’m not looking for sympathy or anything like that, I just need to get this out on paper to work through it. So, here I go. 

When I turned 18 years old, I went to school to get my CNA, and then immediately started working as a homebound caregiver, or as we call it down here in the south, a sitter, for the disabled and elderly. Basically, I come in and sit with them during the day and help them feed themselves, clean themselves, clean their homes for them… basically I do for them during the day what normal people would have done for themselves if they were able. I even go shopping for them/with them, if need be, and take them to doctor’s appointments as long as they are able to move around some on their own, and are not on hospice, (end of life ‘comfort’ care). 

When I got pregnant with my first child, I decided not to do it anymore, and just stay home with the kids until they were old enough to go to school instead of paying for childcare while my husband and I both work. Financially it just makes more sense for me to stay home. Also, while this job is not a nursing or doctor’s position, it’s stressful and emotionally taxing. When you sit with someone day in and day out, whether you want to or not, you get attached to these people, and when their lives are over, and they are no longer here, sometimes it seriously feels like you're losing your own family. 

Recently, and some of you may remember me talking about it a little, I started up again when both my girls went back to school. I like to take care of people, it’s just my calling, it’s what I do; no matter how hard it is. My first patient that I was sitting with made their transition from this life to the life here after (whatever that might be), and I took a few weeks break before I allowed myself to be assigned with another patient. 

This is where the part I’m struggling with comes in, so here we go…

Yesterday, I met my next patient. 

They told me his name was Austin. That he’d been disabled after an accident offshore, and that he now needed a sitter, seeing as he was a single male, who was currently unable to walk and take care of himself. (I’m paraphrasing obviously for privacy reasons and to make this understandable for people that do not work in this line of work.)

I’ve taken care of men before, that’s not something that’s bother me and never will. Still, there’s one thing that got to me when I read it in his chart, it’s the fact that he is only 43 years old. 

I’ve never had to take care of someone that young. Most of the time, when we step in, the patient is in the twilight stages of life so to speak. This guy, well, they warned me when they gave me the file, might be a patient of mine for a LONG time to come. 

The accident only happened less than three months ago, and he’s in physical therapy currently, (which is something I will have to take him to). But he can’t bathe, cook, or clean for himself at all currently. He only is mobile, basically above the waist for the time being, and with no immediate family that lives close by, if he wants to stay in his home, this is his only option. 

I met him for the first time yesterday. I go in today when the transport drops him back at his home from the nursing home (that’s where they had him for the beginning of his physical therapy after leaving the hospital), and that’s when my work begins. I sit with him Monday - Friday, 6:30 AM to 7 PM in the evenings. (Another CNA is scheduled for his night shifts and weekends unless we need to swap up for some personal reason). 

He’s so handsome, and young, and it’s not fair that his life has suddenly come to a screaming halt. It’s just not fair.

He’s still learning to cope with it too. He’s not really opened up to me yet, and that’s gonna be a challenge. He’s not happy with the situation he’s found himself in. (Who would be?) This might be the toughest thing I’ve worked on to date. 

I’m still gonna write, I’m still gonna be on here updating as much as I can. But please understand if updates come a little slowly at first, or if it takes me a little while to answer ask or something back. I’m not ignoring you, I’m just working, and I’ll be on as soon as I can. 

Okay, I’ll get off my pity party and get ready to go to work now, and if you made it this far in his too long vent session, thank you, you’re awesome! 

--Jen

[tsuutarr]

Yandere! Love God x Reader

Soulmates do not always meet in every lifetime. Sometimes, a person may become a bird that soars the skies while their soulmate becomes a fish that swims the depths of the sea. Other times, a person may become a little flower in a field while their soulmate becomes a large cactus in a desert. More often than not, the stars must align for soulmates to meet in a single lifetime.

You, however, are the exception. You will meet your soulmate in every lifetime for as long as your soul exists.

After all, your soulmate is the God of Love, an immortal being that ensures that you will meet in every single lifetime. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re a little plant, an animal, or a human – he’ll always find you and love you. When you’re not there by his side, he patiently waits for the glow of your soul to return to the mortal realm.

It’s become a pattern of his, a habit. When you leave his side due to your life’s candle burning out, his world will be drowned in grayscale and monotony. He goes about his days without much care for anything, his duty taking the forefront of his mind.

But when you reincarnate, your soul colors his world with his love for you, brightening up his days. To him, it doesn’t matter what you are, just that you are – that you exist. Your existence takes the forefront of his mind, his body, his soul. He devotes everything to you for as long as he can, eager to dye you in his colors in every one of your lifetimes.

It doesn’t matter that you don’t remember him – he’ll remember for the both of you, filling pages and pages with his memories of you. It doesn’t matter that he has to start all over again in every single lifetime – he’ll gladly fill you with his love for you over and over again. Because, to him, you go beyond just being his world – you’re his universe.

So, for most people, the stars must align for soulmates to meet in a single lifetime. But for you, your soulmate forces the stars to collide so that he can draw your constellation next to his again and again for the rest of eternity. 

[iliothermia]

I won't be able to finish this drawing before the convention, which will take up my next 5 days.. But I want to talk a little about him.. I've been thinking about golems and Frankenstein, and the trans body, projection and misunderstanding, villainization and death.

The concepts of Frankenstein's monster and the golem have been swimming in my head for a while, and their lore intertwining.. The tragedy of existing being seen as a monster no matter how you try,.. And the Golem, a protector of his people and a servant whose only flaw always rang a bit close to home as an an autistic person-- being too literal in execution of his orders. He's tired and struggles with a yearning for death. His havdalah candles will be out.. The first flame of the week, a spark of starting over again-- The flame brings him fear. As much as he's kept himself together he doesn't know how much longer he can keep doing it, he fears failure- but the fear of what may happen if he's gone is even more terrifying. He's lived a long life, and over time the one who formed him has sculpted him to the golem's own wishes.. From nothing to the man he is- but even with that effort, to outsiders he's still a monster. His skin is different shades of clays from varying riverbeds as his people have travelled.. Golems are unformed, imperfect.. but even as outsides can be polished the insides can still be broken

[simandy]

Having my worst day so far 👍

[s0fter-sin]

they really 50/50’d the thunderbolts with characters i like and characters i couldn’t give less of a shit about

[zorosdimples]

knowing i should take a step back from tumblr for my own wellbeing vs. being emotionally attached to this app and the people on it

[ninasdrafts]

I‘m trying to see this for what it is: a new chance, an opening. A clean slate. A way of the universe unmistakably showing me that one phase is over and I’m ready to dive into the next. But all I see is defeat. All I see is the fear of not deserving to end up where I want to be. My thoughts are overwhelming. My doubts are endless. I‘m a well that’s filled to the brim, but my water is poisoned. I‘m a finished painting, a portrait drawn in the most vibrant colours, but the knife is already grasped in my hand. I want to scratch off layer after layer and start again, not because I‘m unhappy with the outcome, but because I don’t know how to do something different. Something new. It’s all old news and repetitions of past mistakes and I don’t know how to break free from this spiral. It comes down to the same thing: I‘m scared senseless. This fear has become a part of me and I don’t know how to let it go. I don’t know how to look at the future without feeling overwhelmed by it. I want to write about hope next, but I‘m not feeling it right now. But one of these days, I will. I will.

one of these days, I’ll write about hope / n.j.

[marnz]

you know, I complain a lot about my union because forming a coalition and building solidarity means you will disagree and navigate a lot of conflict, but I will say that it's also some of the most rewarding and important work I've ever done.

[pennyserenade]

everyone talks about how people being mean to them about their appearance in middle school or high school — or whatever time in their young adult lives — negatively influences the way they act when they’re hit on or develop crushes is so real, except the person who was mean to me was my mother so i’m fighting so many beasts at once and i’m so scared girls

[cuteniaarts]

Mirror, mirror, on the wall...

Who's the fairest of them all?

[coachbeards]

also like. i do think about it a lot.

beard being told via hallucinations that he’d need a pep talk to kill himself………and then it was a pep talk by ted to get him to forgive nate (and himself)….

[an-unexpected-trollogy]

Oh to be Suzanne Collins and have little social media presence and to write a book regarding whatever current societal trend is bothering her at the moment.

[thehealingsystem]

i'm so fucking irritating with this but dear god I want to kill myself so bad. Day after day after day I am reminded of what I am and that I can't fix myself. It's getting worse again and everyday is getting harder to just live through. I don't even know why part of me still imagines things getting better, that people even still care, i'm an obsessive freak that deserves to be put down. Nobody cares if I don't show up the next say or ever again. I destroyed everything even in my attempts to preserve it. I don't do anything with my life, my cutting has gotten worse, I barely eat most days, I cry multiple times a day and cry myself to sleep many nights. I have nightmares literally just about what I experience every day. I layed down on the couch today and cried to myself how much I wanted to die. If I tell anyone this i'm just gonna get in trouble and not actually helped, because that's what happens every single time and no one's gonna believe me when I say there's something wrong with me. I'm trapped and there's no place to go other than hell. there's nothing anyone tumblr is gonna be able to do to help me but I literally have no one to tell. most shit just festers inside me and I can't even articulate what's happening in my head most of the time. even now

[vaguehotels]

had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

[hylianengineer]

Favorite Artful Dodger scene so far:

Belle: "He's dying, isn't he? What can we do?"

Jack: "Hold his hand and see him into the next life."

Also, the parallels between this and Jack's earlier speech about how dangerous it is for a surgeon to play God. No matter how good a doctor you are, you still have to be a person - it is being a person that makes you good, and if you lose sight of that, you'll fail.

And when you've done all you can as a doctor, there's still something you can do as a fellow human being. Be there.

[smiley-positivity-potato]

i was crocheting puff flowers earlier but now im a very depressed n a very sad boi that is having bad thoughts. but im trying.