#TRY. NOT. TO. CHUD. IT. UP.

[diamondnokouzai]

"Well, ah, stay safe and try not to chud it up." Recorded to Lawnchair Larry in 1982.

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

oh yeah also if i criticize something about the toh finale and you swoop in and say "well it was shortened which means youre not allowed to give it any criticism" ill kill you. but if i criticize something about the toh finale and you swoop in and say "yeah the toh crew are horrible at running a show because the final product didn't touch on every single thing the fandom collectively made up in their heads" ill also kill you. so idk try to find something in between.

[macrotiis]

Tbh I thought gooning was something related to boofing, does it really just mean sex?

Disappointed.

[mytheoristavenue]

Incel!Gyutaro who has to hear about all your sexual conquests and short lived relationships. He always rolls his eyes at how nonchalantly you talk about break ups. Until one day, you come to his dorm absolutely distraught. A guy you'd really liked was cheating on you and then he dumped you.

"Jeez, I don't think I've ever seen you cry." He sneers at first, annoyed by being interrupted from his super important game. Then he notices that your hair is messed and you make up looks old. You're always put together so this was a major red flag. "Hey, wait, you're not actually that upset are you?"

All it takes is a nod for him to pull you into his chest, hold you against him. The gesture is so sweet, you can ignore the stale scent of his overworn shirt. "Listen, don't let that fucking chud get you down okay? You dodged a bullet, he probably has a fucking disease."

You tell him you genuinely liked this one and he softens up, petting your hair as he pulls you into his lap. "I know you did..." He sighs. "Don't know why you did but I know you did."

You cry to him for hours, letting him just hold you. You feel bad, knowing he likes you and that your forcing him into an awkward situation. You consider apologizing when you notice he's on his phone. Is he even listening?

It's then that you realize, he's on your ex's Instagram, stalking it, sending him ominous texts from a burner account that read like "Careful getting into your car after you get out of the gym." And "How's it going (full government name), (social security number) who lives at (full adress) with (list of roommates by full government names)?"

You can't help but smile. At his core, Gyutaro is sweet. Very creepy and likely to commit an act of mass violence if he doesn't get laid soon, but sweet none the less, at least to you.

"Don't sweat it, babe," He says, brows furrowed as he tosses his phone to hold you tighter. "No matter how these smooth brained douchebags treat you, I'll always be here for you."

"You really care about me, don't you?" You finally ask, tearing up, trying to bat them away.

"I guess so." He shrugs nonchalantly. "No other girl I'd do this shit for 'cept for Ume."

When had he becomes so cool? Since when could he make you feel anything other than pride when you teased him?

You softened further, hugging back even tighter, beginning to to cry again, abusing the leverage you had over him to make yourself feel better. He didn't mind that much, that was your dynamic.

"Shhh, it's okay, babe. I got you now."

[alien-wooliee]

While doing my monthly rewatch of Hbomberguy's 4 hour plagiarism epic, there was one specific thing that stuck out to me- the idea of commentary youtube content farms. Like, we all know that content mills exist, right? But I think it's so interesting just how much of YouTube has been overtaken by vaguely right-wing chuds who post shitty and stupid documentaries on the current popular drama of the week.

They all have the exact same editing style- so much of the time they're just like "What happened to Scrinky Fuckbo?" With dramatic fade-ins and outs, all read out in a voice that sounds like someone trying to do a cartoon nerd impression. So much of the time, people just hop on and commentate about the current big thing, without adding anything unique to the table, and it's so, so boring.

So many times, these channels pick out random tweets with, like, 3 likes and 1 retweet, and say "These people are ATTACKING so and so!" in their titles and thumbnails, which always are so obnoxious to look at. The fact so many of these channels were a part of the anti-sjw crowd years ago also isn't lost on me- it's like they never really grew to believe in empathy, and simply see every situation as a way of making money while tossing the most ingenuous ivories the way of the people actually affected.

The amount of this content farm slop on YouTube is insane to me, and the fact that so many people get their big bucks from either commentary or 'video essays' that do the bare minimum research and get sponsors up the wazoo says a lot about how so much of the time, conservatives just want to constantly have their beliefs reinforced. I'm not saying I'm immune to this, either! I've found myself in a bit of an echo chamber that I'm trying to break out of, after all- but I feel like there's a difference between an echo chamber reaffirming the fact that capitalism destroys lives, and an echo chamber that reaffirms the idea that all trans people are insane lunatics who should be put down. Of course, I'm hyperbolizing somewhat here, but the idea still remains.

So many of these videos feel vaguely sinister as well- they all go over the 'personal flaws' of each person involved, and it just feels like they're vagueposting bigotry whenever it comes to something like a queer person. Take, for example, that infamous SunnyV2 video about Mr Beast, where he claims that Ava Kris Tyson being trans could tank his gains. You don't seriously think that, Sunny. You just wanna throw shade at a trans person for existing.

tl;dr I hate commentary youtube and the fact it always pushes these videos into my recommended feed.

[guiltiest-gear]

"Um acktually [insert non-firefox browser] is better than Chromium" Actually shut the hell up it's fucking Chromium, it's all fucking Chromium

Opera, Brave, Vivaldi, whatever fucking browser you can name, it's all fucking Chromium, they even fucking put Chromium on the desktop with Electron

Use firefox or a fork of firefox goddamn

I am no longer asking

If any of you Chromium boot-licking chuds try and defend anything Chromium-related I will block on sight

Double goes for the Apple boot-licking chuds who try and talk about Safari

Here's download links to useful and actually up to date firefox forks (and of course vanilla firefox)

The vanilla:

The hardened fork:

Even more hardened fork:

Edit: Palemoon has been removed due to citations of security issues

Use firefox, shut up about Chrome and Chromium, fucking die you stupid fucking Chromium feds

[tofupixel]

at this point NGL I feel like people are just saying shit to say shit

not telling you to not waste your time with ableist idiots because sometimes it's necessary not to shut up, but it's more likely they don't care to listen

this is how they fight to "feel better with themselves" because they can't be bothered with honing a skill

anyways enough of idiots, I just wanted to say thank you for posting tutorials and advice on art :) I've always loved pixel art and thanks to you I started trying to learn it properly! for now I'm just studying my favorite artists privately but I'm having so much fun learning 🥹 really, thank you!

i think you're right. the people arguing now mostly seem to be ai chuds (blocked so many now) or just straight up thieves who have a stake in the game and are feeling offended.

but i think this is a really important conversation to have, because smaller artists get dogpiled when they rightfully call out others for copying them. at the very least i wanted to get people thinking about this stuff even if they don't necessarily agree with me. just to plant a seed.

i have more people agreeing with me than attacking me, but that's only because i have a big platform. imagine what a smaller artist goes through

also if youre sick of this you can just block the tag 'plagiarism' for a while!! sorry everyone!!

anyway thanks for your support 🥹 i really appreciate it

[spacelazarwolf]

Maybe i just need to vent.

I fucked up. Got called out. And wouldn't you know it, the callout has done nothing for me a trans man but isolate me, make anyone scared to speak up for me, and now i have fash chuds spoof calling my phone! No matter how bad it gets and what they are told about it by concerned parties in private these people won't even update their shit to say "we don't endorse harassment of this user, stop. " which tells me they just endorse harassment of me.

It's like it's just cool to harass an autistic trans man! It's like if you direct fashy chuds to the lowest common denominator, no one will acknowledge you're being as bad as those chuds.

Maybe people should stop unintentionally creating a police state online because they're used to it? IDK

imo "callout culture" is entirely antithetical to concepts like prison abolition and restorative justice, which a lot of people who perpetuate callout culture claim to support. i remember reading years ago about how "callout/cancel culture" was a concept that originated on black twitter to let other black people know about businesses and people that weren't safe for black people to go to or interact with. so it makes sense that, like intersectionality theory, it was co-opted and bastardized by white people and turned into a bludgeon against other marginalized people.

and like. this is something i've been talking to my irl friends about a lot lately. because what's the goal? what are you trying to achieve by making that callout post? what happened to prompt it? did someone prove a pattern of dangerous behavior, or did they just fuck up and now you have an excuse to put them on blast to feel morally superior? are you making this post so people are aware of someone with a pattern of dangerous behavior and can stay away, or are you making it knowing that it will prompt the people in your circle to go after that person and "punish" them? do you want that person to learn from their mistake(s) or do you want to brand them as a bigot forever? do you want the world to be a better place, or do you want to be angry at your (perceived) oppressors?

so yeah, if you're going to say acab and if you're going to say you believe in prison abolition and restorative justice, you cannot turn around and make a callout post for everyone on tumblr dot com you think has wronged you.

[dailyadventureprompts]

Therapy Vs. Power Fantasy

Like a sage delving through cursed tomes to discover lost truths I recently I stumbled into some of the danker corners of the internet and abzorbed some absolutely vile takes. One of the recurring themes that popped up was people with rancid personal beleifs taking aim at the newer generations of TTRPG players (d&d and otherwise) for finding personal meaning or catharsis in their games, and how these new gamers were spoiled children who were getting overinvested.

Of course, they contrasted this "bitch" behavior there's a lot of other mysoginistic, homophobic, and ableist slurs they like to throw in when youtube TOS isn't looking with the badass way they play the game, like they've been doing ever since they were kids, like they still do in their playrooms mancaves away from all those pissbabies and girl feelings.

This got me thinking, specifically about power fantasies, how vunrability relates to art, and how repressed men are terrified of seeming weak, and how the early d&d lore is laregely based around childhood or adolesent fears.

The tie between media illiteracy and conservatism is nothing new. To enjoy art, you have to open yourself to it, to the chance of elation or disapointment or challenge, to let it resonate with you in ways you can't nessisarily predict or control. The fascist conservative only likes art that reinforces who they perceive themselves to be, strokes their ego, and confirms their biases about how the world should be.

It's very telling then that when you see chuds talking shit about younger d&d players, they often throw "therapy" around as an insult, because much in the same way that art can touch something inside you, therapy is about challenging your ingranned self image, toxic ego, and beleifs... all things that chuds consider vital to their sense of self.

This is not to say that a power fantasy can't be theraputic: a good portion of my own writing is about vicariously smashing broken systems and ousting the corruption of the world.. but there's a fundimental difference in the power fantasy of raising your fist against unjust power and the fantasy of being the boot inflicting that power downwards on those you dislike.

What the chuds are trying to do here is use d&d (or whatever OSR itteration they've decided to parasite this week) as a balm for their insecurity, not ask questions about WHY they're scared of being weak, or what strength really is, but to have a space where they can larp as being the ubermench real MEN they've always fallen short of IRL.

They're people who were bullied and ostrasized, and like good little bootlickers they've decided that the only thing wrong with their abuse was that they were the ones on the reciving end. Part of the reason they're so upset that this new generation of players is so "woke" is because the "woke" players refuse to put up with them being assholes, dening them the chance to establish themselves as the new top-rung in the abuser hierarchy.

Also, before I sign off, mad love to my friends in the OSR community, I know you have to put up with an above average number of these dipshits and while you prefer a different style of game to mine I know we're all fighting the good fight for a better, more welcoming TTRPG hobby.

[dev-solovey]

The thing that fucks me up the most about Internet Historian getting exposed is that, unlike illuminaughtii and James Somerton, he's actually smart about how he's responding to this whole thing, which is to say, he's not responding at all. Unlike the other people in that video, he knows better than to mention anything, because the moment he does, people (including his sponsors) will go looking for the allegations, and they'll find undeniable proof.

Not only that, but since he's an alt-right chud, all he has to do is wait for his community to lash out on his behalf. They know hbomb is left leaning, so his fans will instantly dismiss the allegations as just another sjw trying to cancel one of their guys (they're already doing this, I've seen some of the 4chan threads and they're truly atrocious). Literally all he has to do is sit back and continue making money while his fans do all the work for him.

Releasing a new video the day after hbomb exposed him is also calculated - as of that day, Internet Historian had almost 4 times as many subs as hbomb, which means it's a reasonable bet for him that his video will get 4x more views. He was trying to bury it in the search results.

The thing that's always struck me most about Internet Historian is how secretive he is about his online presence - no one even knows his real age, other than that he's a self-admitted zoomer. And he's secretive intentionally, he started out that way because he didn't want employers finding his content (because it was more openly alt-right towards the beginning). Only thing worse than a lying racist con man is a smart lying racist con man

[258punkweight]

me and my gf wanna make a server but we're looking for a certain kind of ppl. not looking for soy ppl like tenderqueers, callout posters, or anyone who's going to try to get our shit deleted or otherwise sperg out at us for saying shit they don't like. not looking for chuds either. we just wanna make edgy jokes in peace

if i do end up making this, invites will be on an ask-to-join basis

[breezeinmonochromenight]

Can you PLEASE explain to me what’s going on with Moist Cr1tikal? I’ve been trying to figure it out on Twitter and it’s a nightmare ☠️

Oh boy.

TL;DR: Cr1tikal has no issue with trans people or their existence, more or less believes in gender affirming care even if you’re under 18, thinks incest is bad, and thinks 21 year olds shouldn’t be allowed to marry/fuck 15 year olds because that’s extremely fucked up.

Additional context:

However, for some reason Cr1tikal felt the need to try and explain/defend his opinions to fucking Sneako of all people, who doesn’t believe in the age of consent, has openly defended predators and pedophiles, and desperately needs his hard drives checked by the Feds. Cr1tikal, by his own admission, is not a debater and Sneako is a moron whose debate “strategy” is to try and move the goal post and put words in people’s mouths, so him trying to clumsily explain the above opinions to a screeching neanderthal is a lost cause. Sneako unfortunately does have debate experience on the same topics with people like Destiny, and even if he got completely destroyed and straight up called a pedophile himself, it’s still experience.

The people you are seeing seethe about Cr1tikal on Twitter are largely the red-pilled, anti-lgbtq chud types screaming about him having an opinion they don’t like and “betraying” them and, to a lesser extent, the people who shit on anyone or anything even mildly popular just because.

[thewebcomicsreview]

hey, just wanted to say thanks for the rec for Cat Girl. it is the best kind of extremely uncomfortable! but it's got me musing on your note about the relevance of the cat girl element itself. I agree that it is depicting an abusive relationship, but it's clear that Peter is completely incapable of perceiving that that's what it is, because he's so far down a deeply screwed hole of ideology. (continued in a sec, hang on-)

- so Peter is the way he is because he has accepted a series of small explanations for the things in his life as seeming accurate, that has stacked up into a deeply dysfunctional worldview that he's too deep into to question at all. so I think the Literal Government Issued Cat Girl is very much a metaphor for a society-level case of "you don't question your own idea of normal". rather than address the root of the problem, a wildly unethical bandaid has been slapped on it. in other words; Peter doesn't question that his ideas are correct, when they're obviously very skewed. but the society that gave him Andi doesn't question that it is normal for people to get this twisted up in an effort to make sense of the world. of COURSE there are internet chuds, people like Peter existing is "normal". and in the process of just accepting that some people are unsalvageable, innocent people like Andi get hurt, and that's just "normal" too. Peter isn't unfixable. it's clear he could be better, WANTS to be better, because he is straight up miserable. but he doesn't consciously know that, or how to start. the decision that some people are just fundamentally screwed up and there's nothing anyone can do about it doesn't just hurt him, it lets him hurt the people around him. Andi is, metaphorically, everyone else being tossed under the bus alongside Peter by the simple act of treating him like he's just inherently a shitty person.

Man, this is a long ask! If I were the author of Cat Girl, I'd be honored to see someone spend so much time thinking about it. But I don't think I agree, exactly.

Peter wants to "be a good person", yes, but his understanding of what a "good person" is is completely self-centered. Him calling Andi "Yua" while talking over her trying to explain that she does in fact have a name is obviously establishing him as a douche, but it's also worth noting that "Yua" is a Japanese name. He's thinking of her as an anime waifu and not a person (or, given the first results when I google "Yua", a porn star, but maybe it's a Breath of Fire 2 reference)

And while he falls into depressive self-loathing after she complains about not having a change of clothes, his internal monologue is entirely about himself. At no point, ever, does Peter even consider that Andi has feelings or is anything other than a reflection on him.

When he locks her in a closet, his most overtly abusive act, he starts crying because he feels bad about what a bad person he is, but even while he's crying he's simultaneously blocking the door, which is a very literal depiction of their relationship. His angsting about being a good person is not his way out of the problem, it is the problem. He never even once considers being nice to Andi because she'll like it, it's entirely "I don't want to force her to have sex with me (because that would make me feel bad), but maybe if I'm nice to her she'll initiate the sex". And he doesn't even care about the sex itself, just the implicit validation of being Confirmed Good By A Girl.

Peter is the way he is because his morality is entirely self-centered. Andi is a way for him to prove his morality to himself (well, try to and fail), not an actual person whose feelings he's ever considered except for if she hates him or not. That's what makes him such an interesting villain, he keeps concocting a story in his head where he's the poor sweet babu trying his best and never stops doing that to let his girlfriend out of the closet.

[sapphire-weapon]

Alright. It's time. It's time we talk about the dining hall dialogue.

But before we do that, we first need to talk about the "running from creeps" dialogue, because they're connected.

Leon: You did well back there. (coyly) Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps. Ashley: (genuinely confused and hesitant) ... I can't tell if that's meant to be a compliment. Leon: ...

I've seen a lot of people utterly baffled by Leon's line of dialogue here -- even moreso than Ashley herself is. If you're one of those people who was stumped by this and you don't know what it was supposed to mean, let me explain:

Leon's line of dialogue here is a joke told by the developers/writers to the audience. The punchline is: "Leon is really bad at talking to women."

It was meant to be a compliment, but it didn't come out that way. He was trying to hit on her; you can tell from the deep-voiced, coy tone that Nick used to deliver the line. But it failed spectacularly -- so much so that, when Ashley tells him that she has no idea what he's trying to say, he just shuts up and doesn't bother to explain himself.

But if you tease it out a little bit more, you'll be able to see it more clearly.

"Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps" -- the implication there is that Ashley has caught the eye of creeps before -- particularly creepy men. The implication from that is that she's had a lot of creepy men hitting on her. The implication from that is that there's something about her that would attract that kind of attention in the first place.

What Leon was going for was: "I was impressed by how well you were able to avoid being seen by the enemy. But I guess it makes sense, since you've probably had to sneak away from creeps hitting on you a lot, considering how fucking hot you are."

But that's not what came out of his mouth. He tried to go for a more subtle approach, and he botched it completely -- and there was no way for him to explain himself when Ashley failed to catch his meaning, because any explanation he could possibly give would come off as vulgar and... well. Creepy. So he just shut his mouth and said nothing more.

The intention from the writers was for us to feel either a sense of second-hand embarrassment or of schadenfreude towards Leon in this moment, depending on what kind of personality you are, because wow. Wow. That was a terrible attempt at being charming, and now he looks like a total chud.

So now, let's come back to the dining hall dialogue.

Ashley: So, uh, you do a lot of missions like this? Leon: Well, yeah. But I'm not used to having such good company. Ashley: (breathless with excitement) ... Is that a... compliment? Leon: (lets out a self-satisfied "heh") Take it however you want.

Taken on its own and in a vacuum, you might be able to make the argument that he's just being nice -- that he enjoys her company because she's pleasant to be around, and it goes no further.

Even then, I'd probably say that that's ridiculous, because for him to just come out of nowhere with a line like that is not consistent with any version of Leon to have ever existed in any title -- excepting, of course, in instances where he's trying to get laid. (Chris is the only blockhead in the RE universe to hand out compliments like this and genuinely mean nothing by it and then not get it when people think he's hitting on them, but that's an entirely different point to be made.)

But for the sake of argument, let's just say that this is a normal thing for him to have said.

The thing is, this dialogue does not exist in a vacuum. It is a direct callback to the "running from creeps" exchange -- and we know that it's an intentional and direct callback due to Ashley's reaction and the re-use of the word "compliment" asked as a question.

This is Leon's moment of redemption.

This time, it's not that Ashley genuinely can't tell whether it's a compliment or not. Of course she can tell it's a compliment. Leon just told her explicitly that he enjoys having her around more than he enjoys most other people. She's not stupid.

What she's questioning this time is whether it's a compliment or if it's a... compliment.

She's asking the same question in her head that's being debated in fandom: Is he hitting on her, or is he just being nice? And the very thought that he could be hitting on her makes her breathless with excitement.

And Leon is also not stupid. (OG RE4 Leon's dialogue aside, I mean. THIS IS NO RITUAL IT'S TERRORISM) And he also knows that Ashley's not stupid. He knows exactly what she's asking him.

And instead of shutting it down or making sure she doesn't get the "wrong idea," he lets out a self-satisfied little "heh" (just so that the writers can convey to the audience that he's feeling smug, because it's in-game dialogue and they can't show Leon smirking outwardly) and responds with the sexually-charged tease of "Take it however you want." (Ashley should've responded back to him with "Give it to me, then." That's how pornos start.)

Because she doesn't have the wrong idea. She's not jumping to conclusions. She took it exactly how he meant it -- but he can't say that openly due to their current circumstances. So he leaves it as more of a "Well, I'm not not saying that."

And in order to reinforce the romantic/sexual nature of this exchange, the writers put in a lot of meta symbolism and imagery surrounding it, as well.

This happens specifically and only in the dining hall. Well, what's special about the dining hall?

I mean, I shouldn't have to explain that the scenery of a candlelit dinner is romantic -- but that's not all there is.

It's a completely red room, with red walls and red rugs over red carpeting. It is the only room not just in the castle -- but the entire game -- that looks like that. Red, of course, is the color of romance and passion. In some cases, psychologists have actually found it to cause people's heart rates to rise as an unconscious response.

It's also the room where you get the snake part of the chimera.

Going all the way back to biblical times, snakes have been a symbol of temptation and lust. In some cultures, they were even associated with fertility.

But wait -- there's more.

The puzzle that leads you to getting the snake involves literally filling the seats of and taking the roles of a king and queen.

Ashley has already been referred to as a "princess" and Leon as her "gallant knight" -- and yet, in the armor room (where you get the lion), Leon rejects the offer of filling the role of the knight when Ashley suggests he puts the armor on. But here? In the dining hall? He is the king to her queen. They're bonded together as equally important parts of the same puzzle via a fantasy marriage.

But we're not done yet.

What should I find waiting in this room just beside the entrance? Why, it's our old friend the bridal bouquet.

We've seen this before, haven't we? It was prominently featured in another scene that was very heavily romance-coded with its lighting, cinematography, imagery, and symbolism.

And one more thing. This one I found really interesting.

When Leon is on his "throne" what's sitting in his direct line of sight is a taxidermy eagle (and, of course, Ashley is "baby eagle"). And not only that, but there's also a bust of what appears to be William Shakespeare on display.

When Ashley is seated on her "throne" she also has a bust of Shakespeare across from her.

And what's significant about Shakespeare isn't just that, well. He's Shakespeare.

It's the fact that this puzzle leads directly into a scene that was shot deliberately to mimic/mirror the balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet. (standard, Romantic, fairy tale)

This exchange isn't the only time Leon hits on/flirts with Ashley in RE4make -- but it is the boldest he ever gets about it, and the developers seemed to really, really want to make it as crystal clear as possible that that's what he's doing.

Consider this: This entire sequence was completely different in OG. The puzzle was different. The context of the puzzle was about the journey through life and the inevitability of our own mortality. Ashley wasn't even present for it. The cage that Leon gets caught in has absolutely no deeper symbolic meaning... and then a garrador pops out.

This was completely restructured from the ground up, for a very deliberate purpose.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If Ashley had handed Leon a condom and given him the green light to use it, he would've fucked her right there on the dining room table.

Because, in the context of RE4make, eagleone is canon.

[crimsonxe]

Me: Seeing Evermorrow and Dust Queen that look interesting -excited hopping in my seat-

Also me: Seeing that in the first the shitlord Syto is listed as a "casting aid" and that the obnoxious know-thing CRWBY bashing piece of shit that is Celtic is voicing Roman in both -nearly breaking my neck from shaking my damn head so hard-

In what fucking world do either of these shitlords that have shown everything except being fans of the show have any ground to be involved in any fan projects? Like these aren't even "questionable", they are straight up shitbags that have gone after CRWBY themselves.

Lets go over it:

They bash the show

They bash CRWBY

They fail at having a grasp on the damn show, characters, and relationship within as they fail repeatedly at understanding things in it and stating blatantly wrong or biased bullshit about it.

They have shown themselves as sexist & homophobic

They have shown themselves as disgusting assholes with bloated ego's that aren't deserved at all

Celtic doesn't even fit as a voice for Roman

Celtic who has obnoxiously and ridiculously stated how he's a better writer than the actual RWBY writers. I can't remember if he actually name dropped them, but honestly it wouldn't be shocking if he did. The guy that thought up "faunus heat cycles"; Velvet x Cardin; Cardin having an "actually a good guy deep down" angle; asspulled Roman back to life & linked him to fucking Oz as if that works in any damn way; did a sauna scene to have fanservice; had Blake essentially become a cop; Ilia getting harsher judgement; decided Shay D. Mann deserved an entire character arc (biggest insult is that creepass having a romantic relationship with Raven who is sooooooooooo damn beyond his level its unreal); repeatedly shoves the femme MC's behind males; etc thinks his ass is a better writer.

As aside: -pulls camera to full face cam- Celtic if you run across this, you aren't at all. You're not even close, you're just another incel chud peddling in right-wing-isms that lead to disgusting ass elements in your bullshit.

Celtic has a history of problematic elements within his "Ruining RWBY" bullshit

Syto tried to poison the well going into v9 via realizing what everyone else did in that Bees were coming and him trying to paint the pander angle that ignores the 10 years, 9 volumes of work put into BB leading up to said vibes people had about their becoming official.

Syto who tried to do Cherish his AU spinoff and failed; tried to do his own project w/o anything to do with RWBY and failed; and scurried back to another RWBY AU project

Syto who basically dived into the idea of Yang being an airhead party girl throwing out her entire true self. Not to mention his redesign sexualizing her in the exact aspects one would expect from an incel shitbag. Barely anything there waist, barely anything there top, massive cleavage.

Like these shitbags should be nowhere near fan projects. Don't give them normalization as if they aren't what they are.

[sharonisthebettercarter]

billy butcher and addiction--

felt there's a need for a good and proper analysis for this fucker (as well as i can manage, maybe throw in a bit of a rant on poor fandom etiquette, 'three laws of fandom' are an oldie but a goodie lol) so here we go i guess--

i wanna start by saying this is a full scope character deep dive (sortaish?? best i can do take it or leave it--lol i might go further in depth on specific scenes or whatnot later, i'm longwinded but i'm tryin' to condense as best i can for this, aaaaaaaaaaand long long post ahead--) that def includes elements solidly confirmed in dear becky and probably leans more on comics billy overall, but def does intertwine and interlock with show billy (as they are essentially the same, garth ennis' own words went something like 'he's a perfect billy butcher' lol)

i'll try to avoid spoilers (??) for the most part like dear becky, but there are some things that may need more context (there is quite a bit of in the show that works well enough to represent anyway but i guess we'll see how this goes, i may end up talking more about the show elements and how they parallel with comics billy anyway)

i also think it's worth mentioning that there's a lot to billy (especially in the comic) i feel fandom either ignores, dismisses or doesn't want to acknowledge, or just doesn't notice.

whether from personal bias/prejudice, desire (fitting billy into that 'alpha's alpha' toxic masculinity 'dom top' fever dream 'mold' so to speak, probably--no, definitely the *worst* way to interpret and easiest way bungle up his character, it completely misses the fact that billy has built *that* 'daddy approved' version of himself as a *facade* to *hide* his own shame and insecurity, and he is *so* much more complex than that nonsense (and genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy being that way-beyond the subtle guilt of a constant high). can we talk about the ways in which fandoms promote and perpetuate toxic masculinity--what, no time we'll be here all week?? oh, okay. jesus fucking christ that is exactly as bad if not worse than the maga chud interpretation and unironic worship of homelander--), lack of personal experience/familiarity, understanding--fuck it, even lack of education in media analysis or reading comprehension (if not both), and *especially* being pro-censorship/americentric/*stuck* with purity culture blinders (or even some part of them lingering)

all of those can def make media (and characters like billy) that isn't 'cookie cutter america-approved' fairly difficult to understand or accept (i guess??)

i've seen so much listed to hell and back in attempts to describe comics billy. 'he's a piece of shit' *YES*. 'he's just wish fulfillment for the author's hatred of superheroes' *no*??? let me not get into the complete hypocrisy of someone who writes or enjoys fanfic--the epitome of *wish fulfilment*--unironically complaining about other authors doing this and thinking it's a legit complaint. how does *anyone* read the entire story and come to *that* conclusion???

did you even bother reading the comic? no, i don't mean glossing over it with a completely closed mind while actively ignoring and dismissing everything important put in front of you and designed to make you think because the blood and guts or other is too distracting apparently, i mean *actually* reading it thoroughly and making an effort to think about what's being presented and why, waiting for the drop *instead* of jumping to judge (as is the american way)

and to some degree, i get it. i wouldn't say this comic is the easiest to digest (especially if completely unfamiliar with many of the themes presented, even the show has sparked some ass takes and interpretations) there's also plenty of common misconceptions, one in particular about garth ennis 'hating' superheroes. this is actually not true, what he hates is how the superhero *genre* has bottlenecked the comics industry and what is more likely to see success in it (and as a fellow creative, i completely understand how frustrating that would be, his main interest is actually war stories)

it's def one thing to say, 'nah, i don't vibe with the style' or 'it's not really for me/my taste but it's fine if others like it', i get that, satire and horror aren't for everyone. honest critique is fair even.

but it is a whole 'nother thing entirely to pretend your own personal tastes are *the only 'correct' creative law* and then *vehemently* oppose or hate something an artist created and denounce, harass, or fuck--dehumanize the people who enjoy it, if not the artists who work(ed) on it.

i'm sorry, this is a tangent cause it's def not limited to the hate the boys comics or ennis gets *at all*, it's especially prevalent in *literal* kids media like teen titans go where the thing in question is simply put--*NOT MADE FOR THE SHITHEADS NONSTOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT* when they can literally, *LITERALLY* just *accept* that they weren't the *target audience* and move the fuck on with their day, happy as can be. *instead* of shitting on something *or the people who like it* to make literal *children* or other people feel bad about liking it.

it's one thing to try and educate people or have discourse and discussion, it is another entirely to *bully* them over something so *stupid* as *fiction*.

i especially have a problem with this shit when i have *several* artists tell me that they don't feel *safe* or *welcome* being themselves, liking or creating what *they* want to make in a fandom *because* of the fandom attitude and normalization of *hate* within that fandom.

i *thought* fandoms were supposed to be about *love* so what the fuck is this human tribalist false dichotomy bullshit??

and of course, that's not always the case. there is also an unbelievable level of respect that is given to fanartists and fanfiction writers, and that is *beautiful*. 'don't like, don't read'. *PERFECT*. curate your own content, complain or rant in your own spaces--you're entitled to an opinion, but *accept* that it still has a right to exist and other people still have a right to love it (and aren't wrong for that, opinions cannot be objective), *even if you don't like it*. just don't engage then, it's that simple.

now extend that level of courtesy to the people, artists and writers in the industry.

no, i'm not trying to shut down criticism of media, proper critique is how we learn and grow and understand better and in turn *create* better. yes, they can fumble the fucking bag too, especially when adapting something from a source material and--like *some* fanfic writers out there--think they can do it 'way better'.

but the people in the industry? who bend over backwards, going on strike in some cases, breaking their necks to work on and create the things that we *love* and latch onto?

they're people too. and whether the thing they make goes *exactly* how we want or not, however you feel about the money in the entertainment industry (which they see barely a dime of if those fucking strikes and constant mistreatment are any indication), they don't deserve to be treated like scabs.

that mentality of 'not my personal taste = universally bad' and 'anyone who disagrees with my opinion is wrong' is fucking gross and *extremely elitist*, just straight up announcing how pretentious, obtuse, willfully arrogant and ignorant, and *lacking in self awareness*--the number one easiest way to be the *shittiest* kind of artist/writer/critic--you are. it is *exactly* like cishet white men complaining about something being 'bad' because it's 'woke' or has anything *besides* a cishet white man for the protagonist.

*god forbid something isn't tailor made specifically for them.*

swear to gawd, i got a list of different bullshit and circle jerking i've seen all across different fandoms for different reasons. no i'm not mad at any one person in particular, just a little salty from recurring problems and gatekeeping (ghoulfucking-GHOULFUCKING OF ALL THINGS I--I CANNOT) if not straight up bullying (does it really make a bitch feel *so* much better to try and hurt other people for liking what they, and let's be honest, are not willing to give the time of day?) in fandoms. (the complete audacity of people to complain about a media being 'childish' or 'bad' because 'insert nonsensical trivial bullshit here that holds no weight because it's personal taste if not flat out wrong and not actual critique' and then turn around and throw the biggest fucking tantrums about it--let me not get into the whole sharon carter debacle jesus christ--)

same shit. different pile.

also, fuck me. i keep *forgetting* that genuinely valid critique (*not* personal taste/opinion, proper critique pertains to things like techniques used, composition, narrative consistency and plot holes, goals of the artist/writer, accomplishments of those goals, etc.) is something that needs proper education and understanding all on its own which not a whole ton of people get or even know, which just goes to show--i'm a dumbass too. (but i won't deny that plenty of 'critics' are full of shit and *know* this but use their 'personal taste' as 'critique' *anyway* because... they enjoy being complete assholes and discouraging other artists i guess.)

y'all, take a class or two in art critique and literature analysis. you'll learn all the cool lingo (to later forget if you're like me~), and maybe (hopefully) walk out with a bit more of an open mind wanting to encourage more art in the world, even if you don't personally like it. take a moment to *listen* to differing opinions in their *entirety* and you might even gain a new perspective.

*no one* should be ashamed to ask questions or admit they don't know or understand something and fuck the people that would make you feel that way. *we can and should help each other.*

but stagnant or hostile fandoms with no self awareness and perpetuated elitism circle jerks? *really* fucking shameful, regardless of the form or where they are.

ANYWHO--

ugh, fuck. okay. i think i'm done with that tangent, back on topic--

BILLY BEAN~<3

and i want to reiterate that *again*, dear becky *does* confirm pretty much everything i'm going to discuss here tho technically speaking, nothing is spoiled here as it's just reiterating what is implicit (if not stated outright) throughout the series.

as far as dear becky goes, it's a good final gut-wrenching piece to the series and i loved it, but it definitely leaned on more of 'tell' instead of 'show, don't tell' (no duh in context, but probably because the rest of the comic did the 'show'--very well imo but it still flew over peoples' heads and made them misplace their brains--i'm sorry, i've just lost so much patience for the lack of reading comprehension and media literacy, but honestly? ennis is genuinely too good at knowing how to spark a strong emotional reaction in readers. and can we talk about the dense mofos that *make* authors have to 'tell' just to confirm something that is heavily implied--what, no time? oh, fuck, fine.)

OKAY--

addiction.

what about it, and why am i mentioning it. well. because if it's not clear by now, william butcher is an addict.

and it is one of, if not the core element that drives him to do what he does.

not becky or becca. not justice.

addiction.

and i don't mean traditional substance abuse (though he admits there has been as much in his life, especially with alcohol, his drug of choice is a bit more complex and maybe not so easy to spot on the surface for those unfamiliar with addiction).

in the show, we even see him mention that he's 'done 'em all' and there's *nothing* like temp v--and it's because temp v *amplifies* his *addiction* to the highest level it could exist on.

something else to note, there's a ton of stigma and widespread (ableist) misconception surrounding addiction still (which may be part of why people may not want to recognize it in billy), but it is absolutely a clinical mental disorder and people who suffer from it should be treated as *medical patients*, not reduced to violent criminals and scumbags. (fuck you drug war and prohibition, you are the root of organized crime and you're racist as shit.) it's also possible to become addicted to *anything*. and i mean *anything*.

if you can repeat a behavior and your brain no longer cares whether or not that behavior is causing you harm because there is a *compulsive* urge for that *repetition* or a specific result from it? that is addiction. money, anger, pain, violence, self harm, attention, love...

you'd think the last one might be okay, but it's not. it's an easy way to get caught in the infinite loop of an abusive relationship, just with promise of it. no delivery necessary.

but it doesn't have to be drugs that cause addiction. hell, gambling addiction is a thing all it's own that can get *incredibly* severe.

and listen, too much of *anything* can be horrible for you. fucking coconut will give you the runs if you eat too much that shit is *not* fun pun intended--

i digress.

in billy's case? he's actually addicted to two i just listed.

violence. and self harm.

i mentioned before that what drives billy has next to nothing to do with what happened to becky or becca.

there's a common misconception that, at the end of the day, billy does have some level of good intent behind his actions, and to a degree this is true in the *complete reverse* of what people often assume, and this is proven repeatedly in both the show (with just what we have seen) and comic (where its laid out too heavily to ignore).

setting aside the fact that there's *never* a good 'rEaSoN' to commit or even attempt *genocide* (EVER. i have ZERO patience for the constant apologism of this bullshit, SWEAR TO GAWD FANDUMB--) and billy's genocidal tendencies on their own, the idea that 'he goes after homelander for becca' or 'justice' has been completely debunked.

'justice is not vengeance'

something to always keep in mind.

but... in the first season? hughie called him out on this.

butcher calls him a 'disgrace to robin's memory', and hughie--bless his little heart, responds with 'i think i'm doing this *for* her.'

it's an interesting response, because hughie is essentially saying--

'you'll *die* for this woman, but that's not what she would have wanted. i'm going to *live* for robin, and for *annie*, because *that's* what she would have wanted.'

and he's absolutely right. billy loved becca, would have died for her. but he refuses to listen and *live* for her.

the group therapist too even before hughie. she literally laid it all out, front and center in the clearest way possible, 'it's a defense mechanism', and then butcher had his little meltdown just before telling hughie about becca, everything he can, including *using* other peoples tragedies and his own *specifically* to manipulate hughie and try and make sure *starlight* can't *save* him from what butcher is trying to turn him into.

*so that hughie stays stuck on his reason to die, instead of finding one to live.*

in the second season, *becca* herself calls him out on this, multiple times.

'you put me on this pedestal but i never knew how to save you'.

'--i didn't come to you, i went to vought--.'

and that's just it, becca (and becky in the comic) is *intimately* familiar with billy's *addiction* and the underlying mental health issues he *wouldn't address*. she didn't tell him what happened even after the shock of it because she *knew* that it would just become a reason for billy to *give in* and be his worst self to a degree where she would *lose him* regardless of what she felt or asked for from him.

she felt she had to *suffer in silence* to *protect him* from *himself*, something that ends up *destroying* her.

becca wanted to *save* billy, but more importantly, she wanted *him* to *save himself* because she *believed in him*, *so much*.

'i never wanted that for you.'

she doesn't want billy to drown and suffer or cause harm in his own hatred and addictions. she *loved* him so much so, that she was willing to *drown herself* if it meant she could save *him*. she loved him *too much*.

billy's mum too, even tries to help in her own way. (she is much less aware of billy's activity in the comic, but we'll come back to her. for the show, this was likely in response to seeing the news about *stillwell*, something his dad fucking *praised* him for)

'--that he wouldn't have this hold on you--'

billy's actions are almost entirely driven by the *addiction* his father forced on him. on doing the things that would make his 'daddy' *proud*. and the thing is, he's *fully aware* of this.

he constantly *says* that *becca* is his 'reason', that she was his *cure*, but she's the *excuse*. his *new addiction* and *self medication* (also billy, you fucking cunt you *know* what you do and have no leg to stand on when it comes to self medicating--)

both in the worst of what he does and his rejection of addressing his own traumas, and she is *unwilling* in this endeavor. she never wanted this hate to consume him, she never wanted all of this death with her name as the signature, *she never wanted billy to be his father*, much less be something much worse.

he even admits as much in the third season when he hallucinates lenny who tells him his actions would 'break becca's heart'

billy responds something along the lines of 'becca's dead, it doesn't matter what she thinks'. (a line presented in the comic even more harshly, but it drives the point home perfectly.)

when he sees lenny again in his nightmare--

'i'm not that bastard--.'

'come off it billy, you always have been. cause anyone who's ever loved you, you end up gettin' 'em killed, don't ya--.'

'--the last person on god's green earth tryin' to stop you from bein' a monster, and what do you do? drag him down to your level... when he dies... and he will... then no can stop you.'

OOF OUCH OWIE--. the lenny stuff hits so damn hard but it represents *perfectly* what butcher's own *internalized beliefs* are.

mallory calls him out on it literally every season.

'--but billy! not the others!'

'it's like asking a cockroach to not be a cockroach--'

'--because it wouldn't stop with just homelander--'

'this was never about ryan or becca, it was always selfish. the hate inside that you want to let loose on the world.'

'--i was wrong... you are your father, always have been...'

and then there's billy's subsequent impulsive reaction to push ryan away, and *be his father*.

but hell, even in gen v when mallory is speaking to shetty.

and truthfully, billy was even showing *withdrawal* symptoms at the beginning of the third season.

billy himself, even *self punishes*, picking fights he knows he *won't* win as a way to counterbalance *and* satisfy his own addiction, infinite loop. vicious cycle.. (ooh i will def be coming back to the big one here--), and we see this in one *HUGE* way, and in many many smaller ways, but even in the more literal sense of going to bars, starting trouble, and laughing or smiling when he's getting beat the fuck up or *losing*.

it's even highlighted in the show, billy *seeking out violence* and conflict whether he should or not, *especially* when unnecessary. getting his own face busted up and smiling because of it is something that happens multiple times in the comic (even on accident in one instance), and is def given a place in the show. it's easy to pass off as billy simply being a masochist (which is def true lmao he does admit as much), but there's also more to it than that and it goes hand in hand with his *addiction* and--

what he thinks he deserves.

billy *hates himself* so *severely* that he actually *does not believe* that he is capable of the *good* that others, such as lenny, becca, his mum, and hughie are willing to *see* in him. he *completely* believes it when others say that 'he is his father' (internalizes it, struggles with it, and frequently acts on it).

he puts on a show. bravado, posture, and 'confidence'. and he's so good at putting on that front, that he can fool himself, even for a moment. and those that believe it will even *enable* him. and the people he feels *nothing* for? again, he maintains the front. he lives his life *masking*, *faking it*--so fucking hard. homelander could never--

and it's not even necessarily the result of toxic masculinity. don't get me wrong, he def has some issues with that lingering (y'all, if you have *say* you're an 'alpha' and posture out your sweet little ass off 24/7, you're def *not* an 'alpha' lmfao), but it's more so his own *trauma* that forces him to *cling* to that.

but when he *loves*, and he loves *deeply*, he completely rolls over and shows his belly like a kitten<3... when he was with becky, he was happy and comfortable, and all of that *ridiculousness* just melted away completely... he didn't feel any need for it because he felt *safe*, because this constant *insecurity* and feeling of being *threatened* all the damn time looming overhead had suddenly cleared up with becky there.

it's not even so much that billy doesn't feel fear. he might not traditionally (at all if his amygdala is damaged), but considering the fight or flight response, billy's *default* setting literally *is* that *fight* response. he's the way he is because he is *always* afraid and he's been conditioned for it to manifest itself as *rage*.

we see bits of his love come through in a few moments he has with people he has genuine care for. (the way he loves his mum and she instantly calms him down is genuinely so sweet.)

but it's always gonna come back down to 'daddy dearest'.

because of him, *billy is afraid of living*.

and--

his father. *is proud of him*.

billy is *just like him* or *everything he wanted to be* as a *man*, or at least is compelled to *project* this on the surface. and everything in *billy* that *is* his father, *just like him*, is *everything* that billy *hates*. so it manifests into an *intense* self loathing and spiraled addiction that magnifies the worst of what his father *forced* on him.

he *doesn't want* to be *his father*, but he feels, and fully believes that *he already is*. his self hatred is another form of *hating his father*, because *he is that man's legacy*.

so *billy* doesn't *believe* that he deserves love or goodness or care from other people (a parallel we see in homelander, presented a bit differently.) so he 'doesn't care'. makes excuses to not care (about people in general, if not just the very *prominent* antisocial tendencies), or leave, or push them away, lashing out to give *them* the excuse to leave him, because he is *afraid* and in his own mind, *unworthy*.

he's *afraid* of being loved, of *losing* that love, of *hurting* those he loves. he is *afraid* of being his own father.

but it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been *conditioned* to be. intoxicated, ever present, it's this terrible thing that destroys him but he *can't* stop. *addiction*.

and what better way to protect those he loves than to keep himself as *far* away from them as possible? than to *make* them hate him. than to do the *wrong* thing, to *disappoint* them. self sabotage. self punishment.

he can't stop himself. he deserves it.

lather, rinse, repeat.

so what does that mean for homelander, or even the reason he goes after homelander? the *real* reason.

'there must be *some* good in him because homelander 'must be' this 'ultimate evil that *must* be stopped', right?

not really. he's a symptom of a much greater evil, but he was never the root of it. if billy really wanted to solve the problems at hand and get *justice*, he'd go after *vought*, NOT homelander.

homelander is not even the real villain in *billy's* mind, in all actuality.

what homelander *is*?

temptation.

he is... the *ultimate* final high for billy. in terms of addiction to both *violence* and *self punishment*.

he doesn't actually go after homelander because he wants to 'stop him' or even kill him. not really. there are times billy starts a fight *expecting* to *lose*, *wanting* it. homelander *is* one of those times to the most intense degree that billy could find. and he even senses this when they first meet--unnecessarily, privately insulting the man because why?

because he feels *threatened*. because he feels *insecure*. because if homelander is *truly good*, even with *all that power*--

then billy has no fucking excuse--

it is, in essence, the same exact reaction that lex luthor has to superman. forcing himself to *challenge* him because of a *constant* sense of *fear*. (except lex *is* afraid of dying, so 1000% a huge coward lmao--)

but~, when he finds out homelander is *bad*?

homelander is billy's *failsafe*

to stop the person he feels is the most terrible evil of all *and* to set the world on fire in the process. a way for billy to kill two birds with one stone. compelled by his addiction to *chase* this ideation relentlessly.

homelander is to billy--his ultimate end, self punishment, a death wish, a *suicide attempt*.

and a way to *unleash his hatred onto the rest of the world*, *to make it burn*, even after his death. (this would be why despite many many MANY warnings to *not* push homelander *because of the catastrophe this will ultimately instigate and the loss of life this is bound to result in*--billy does not give a shit about the potential consequences. he welcomes them--)

if homelander were a *nuke*, billy would want to *launch* him. right now, homie is more like the *demon core*, incredibly dangerous and in some instances lethal, but not *yet* explosive.

billy *wants* the *warhead*.

it was why he got *so excited* at the *chance* of homelander offering him 'scorched earth'.

the man read billy like an open fucking book, and set the bait--

y'all, in other words, homie straight up went to billy's house and offered *crack* to the *crack addict*--fuck yeah he's gonna take that offer!

homelander never actually perceives billy as a real threat *at all* (safe to say, this is the main reason he doesn't kill him. there's a bit of personal complex combined with the deals/blackmail/request involved, but this would also be why he doesn't *hesitate* to 'kill' billy at herogasm. he genuinely gives no fucks about this poor man or his many anal complexes and daddy issues beyond the mild entertainment he gets from him and just how *easy* it is to read billy or rile him up. maybe a *dash* of novelty being found in billy's obsession with him. i'll go into the homie side of things in depth maybe someday soon lol but for now--)

and here's the thing, homelander isn't the *only* failsafe. he is simply the *ultimate failsafe*

included in all the possible bad habits billy has is pawning off his *responsibility* and personal accountability, even his *will to do good* onto others.

i mentioned before that becca (becky) was like a new addiction for him. and she was. in a sense, billy was using her to self medicate. she loved him, gave him love and made him feel good, no pain, no shame--but also no pause to think about that pain, self hatred and self doubt and actively address it. she was a way to not worry about his own *goodness* because she was an *easy* reason for him to *want* to be good.

and something important to note?

billy feels that he has *cheated* on becca/becky *since* the day she left/died. (there's a whole ass deliciously intricate story there but i'm trying to avoid the spoilers lmao. kind of a freebie hint i guess.)

lenny and hughie similarly make an effort to *hold butcher back* and reach out to him. (everyone does honestly, but not everyone is so successful with it). and butcher lets them, but *also* removes the agency of his own choice in the matter.

he doesn't just *let them* make him *good*, he doesn't believe he's capable of stopping himself on his own--but he believes in *them* because they *are* good, *truly good*.

hughie all on his own is *another kind of failsafe* and lo and behold, even calls butcher out on this by the end of the third season (theme is prevalent in the comic a lil different but again spoilers lol):

'i don't think you want to do this. i think you want me to stop you.'

*ding*ding*ding*!

nail on the head, hughie... butcher does not believe he can stop himself. so he sets up *failsafes* to do as much.

and let me just say, it is *unbelievably* shitty of him to do that, to pawn off the responsibility of his own behavior, whether good or pure evil onto other people. but i get it. and it fucking breaks my heart for him.

because *that* is addiction. it feels like mind control. aggressive compulsion. you feel ashamed, and hate yourself, and don't care if you hurt yourself or even others. but you keep *hoping*, *wishing*, *leaving a breadcrumb trail* so that *someone*, *anyone*, will come along and--

*save you. from you.*

and when you stop believing in yourself, in your own willpower to fight against this *thing* that just completely *destroys* you from the inside out... without *anyone* on your side, what else is left to do but to numb the pain?

i was able to recognize billy's addiction right off the bat because i've *been* to a lot of the places he has been. including the addiction. and he makes me so *fucking* mad because it's like seeing a version of myself *still stuck*, *still lost*, *still trapped* by my own issues and self loathing, and all of the abuse i've gone through--

and the biggest fuck up, the biggest *abuser* is me.

i can't *escape* me. *no one* can escape *themself*.

that fucker breaks my heart to pieces because *i have been there*, and i know just how fucking hard it is to *be* there, just how much harder it is to *get out* and start to *learn*--*who is it you really wanna be? who are you without this drug?*

and something he even says in the comics on a few occasions is--

'i'm not really here, i'm somewhere else watching this happen'

asserting that he *truly* believes that he has *no control* over *what* he is. (in contrast with homelander, who feels the weight of something similar but more literally in some regard, and in relation to so many other aspects in his life with the world around him.)

billy butcher *is* the *true villain* of *his own story*

of his own making.

he's not after homelander or even vought. he doesn't blame society or even his father at this point. he blames himself. and he's *given up* entirely on fighting himself. he's looking for his *overdose*.

*that's homelander*

ain't that a kick in the head...

it's part of what makes their relationship and dynamic so incredibly electric and titillating. it's got nothing to do with becca or becky.

butcher sees homelander as an easy way out. as a way to control the narrative, *maintain his own*, and *stop the bad guy* without bringing someone *good*, like *hughie*, down to his level.

he *sees* the parallels, a kindred spirit. he *knows* the potential. and he wants to be the *spark* to light all that *gasoline*.

because then it won't be his fault anymore. his *guilt*. he'll have passed on his *curse*.

likewise, he actually goes after supes in general for a similar enough reason, and it ties in with why he *doesn't* go after vought directly.

billy actually *likes* the status quo. to a degree, *needs* it, *needs vought*

because *vought* is the *creator* of his *supply*, feeding this addiction. and we hear billy say this in both the comic and show--

'with great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right cunt.'

and billy actually believes this--about himself.

when he says it about other supes and even his intense hatred of them, it is a *projection* of his own issues and what he believes to be true for himself (that he would do the absolute worst thing imaginable given the opportunity). and in a way, going after them is in some ways a metaphor for stopping and destroying himself, hating himself, as much as it is a way to maintain his addiction.

and--

maintain the narrative he has built--that he is the true villain.

and if that's the case, well... it takes a *hero* to stop a *villain*, right?

but also--y'all remember that scene in the suicide squad where polkadot man imagines everyone as his mum? how he imagines starro as his mum?

yeah, that.

that's basically billy. every fucking supe, including starlight, and kimiko, and let's *really* not talk about what this means about him sleeping with maeve in context with his 'supe=daddy' issues, but even the person he sees in the mirror. *all of them* are *his father*.

listen, i'm not kidding. billy's daddy issues are seriously severe, so fucking bad, i--

his actions aren't for becca or becky or ryan or justice. even he *knows* that's bullshit and admits as much (which just makes fandom denying it that much more fucked). but they're not even *just because* or because he's genocidal, antisocial, or anything else. he *does* want someone to stop him. he's sane enough to recognize his actions for what they truly are *behind* the mask.

billy's actions are a volatile and violent *cry for help*, because he never learned how to *ask*, or even how to *believe in himself*.

he never truly learned that *he never had to be his father*, and he didn't *need* becky or becca, lenny or hughie to *be good*.

i actually think billy's greatest magic trick is convincing even the audience and readers that he is a *total*, complete piece of shit. and don't get me wrong, he is *def* a huge, massive, incredibly rank and ripe piece of shit--.

and y'all, i'm sorry if you believed him and got played like a damn fiddle, him and homie def throwin' in some hard balls--

but he's also still human. he also still needs just as much if, honestly? maybe even more, fucking *help* than homelander. which kind of draws back into their parallels. the tomfoolery of fandom might have you believe that billy is less complex or more put together than homelander, but their situations go hand in hand and the evidence suggests (if not confirms) something quite different.

billy's plight and even goal in some sense is *convincing the rest of his world that he is a monster*. driven by the addiction his father gave him. enabled by the world around him.

homelander's? it's actually the complete opposite. his struggle is with *his world convincing him that he is a monster*, and in turn, against his own instincts, *growing* into that role. when in reality, he never got the chance to decide for himself, it was decided *for* him a long long time ago.

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i can, therefore i must.'

however, *our actions cannot define who we are, because we can choose our actions*. good or bad are not something you inherently *are*, they are something you *choose to do*.

it paints what in turn becomes quite the brutal and tragic picture when these two forces meet. homelander and billy are both of the mindset that they *don't have a choice*.

and this bit is a bit more of a personal thought, but regarding billy's mum, she was *becky*. she was sweet, and kind, and cared for her family more than anything. *it didn't matter what she suffered, she was willing to drown if it meant saving the people she loved*.

as much as i adore how cute becca and billy were, i don't think she would have saved him.

i think the implication is that she would have either 'drowned' trying and become his mum, history repeating itself in a vicious cycle as billy spread his disease to any child they could have.

or that she would have lost her mind. and in turn *become* the person billy spread his disease to, if not another enabler for him. if not billy's choice of drug, maybe she would have taken up something else and eventually overdosed. i would even say the show implies this outcome with both becca and hughie, as the more butcher pushes--the more worn down they get.

if you put enough pressure on someone--they break.

becca was *good* for him. but billy was so, so fucking *bad* for her.

it begs the question of whether or not billy *is* right, if he really is this monster, *fated* to become his father in the worse of ways. of whether or not it's too late for him.

he's certainly not 'normal' or 'right' or 'good' or even an 'anti-hero'. at best, you could maybe call him an 'anti-villain', he is meant to be the deuterantagonist.

it def doesn't help that every time he has the *chance* to do the right thing, *someone* goes and enables him, gives him a reason to do the *wrong* thing.

fucking maeve in that last episode of the third season. but she's def not the only one, and def not the only time. (and yes, if it wasn't clear enough, being completely fucking indifferent to killing *thousands* of people to go after *one* fucking guy is in fact, the *wrong* thing to do.)

butt.

rewatching the scenes with lenny and billy's reaction, and even the final fight, showed something of a *possible* silver lining.

billy *enjoys* rejecting his father. actually pretty fucking greatly if we're being honest. generally speaking, it's when he *rejects* his father and everything that man represents that billy is at his *happiest* (lmao the epitome of an unfulfilled submissive sweetheart and bratty bossy bottom~<3<3<3)

there's a moment, where soldier boy says something along the lines of--

'--fuck you. you're weaker than he is.'

in regards to homelander. it's sort of glossed over, but this is billy's reaction to essentially being called a 'disgrace' so to speak by a toxic 'alpha male'.

y'all see that? it's a smile. lmao a smirk.

this is a moment where billy is protecting *ryan* and keeping his promise to becca. it's a moment where billy is *doing the right thing*, all on *his own* (mostly lol i'm sure there's a roundabout way to justify it in his head). and i think that's key.

it's not just a moment he's proud of himself and has a legitimate fucking reason to be proud of himself, (oh btw, we shoulda *all* been proud of billy in this moment), it's a moment he's *breaking through what his father made him* and his own *addiction*.

and he's doing it *selflessly* and--*without setting that responsibility on another person*.

so we *know* he has it in him, he always has. even becky *in the comic* kept trying to convince billy that *he is capable of good without her*. and again, we actually saw this in the second season when becca and ryan were reunited and billy *changed* his plans, *for becca*, instead of doing the selfish thing and selling ryan back to vought.

but if billy doesn't believe it himself...

i don't think billy is right about himself. but it is very *very* difficult for someone to *correct course* so to speak, once they have their *core beliefs*, lay out their own destiny and start along a *self fulfilling prophecy*, something him and homelander *both* do.

enter ryan.

and suddenly (lol probably in part due to reading dear becky lol), there was a bit of... not so much new, as *confirmed* perspective in play after that rewatch, something to *look* for and ponder in regards to *why* ryan may have been added for this story, a question in mind--

'would it be wrong of *ryan* to want to save his father?'

was it wrong of becca or becky, hughie or lenny, even his mum, to want to save billy?

how would *billy* even begin to answer such questions?

a different answer for the two would be a clear hypocritical bias (which lol i would not put past billy, but i also wouldn't be surprised if he maintained consistent thinking by answering *yes* to both)

. . .

y'all...

i still can't say i'm particularly optimistic about things turning out alright for either gent or ryan, butt~<3

garth ennis literally made the saddest, most pathetic, deliciously sweet, perfectly precious, extra emo tsun tsun baby boi ever, and put him right under our noses.

some a y'all fucking sneezing all over him, straight up sleepin' on all his *best* bits. how are we not utilizing billy butcher *properly~<3<3<3*????

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