#TONS of people have it worse than me. so why should i deserve help?

[autism-corner]

=3=

[esmedelacroix]

15 days til' Christmas

planning to surprise husband!miguel o'hara with the best gift ever⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

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If there was one thing about Miguel that confused you it was what gift to get him for Christmas. You were always buying things that made you think of him or clothes that he would look handsome in(he looks good in literally everything).

But you couldn't help but feel like it wasn't enough. You couldn't help but feel like you needed more. You wanted to give him a gift that was tear-wrenching.

You thought that you would never get the opportunity to give Miguel the gift you thought he deserved. Until that opportunity presented itself in a certain two-lined symbol on a white stick you had peed on.

Right then you knew exactly what his gift would be this year. The only issue was that you had to keep this secret until Christmas which was in a whole week. But, you couldn't keep anything from Miguel for the life of you. What was worse is that he was incredibly perceptive and always knew when something was different.

You were already two months along and you never realized that you were extremely behind on your period until your period tracking app pointed out that you stopped getting your period after you logged unprotected sex during your fertile window.

You and Miguel were dating for three years before you got married and your second marriage anniversary was coming up. You weren't really trying for kids but the two of you didn't mind if you were to have one. You talked about it and you both felt ready so you started being more carefree about protection every now and then.

Miguel was used to taking three days off of work once a month to help you through your abnormally painful period cramps. He was so busy that hadn't realized you hadn't gotten your period.

You quickly got a long box and placed the pregnancy test in it before wrapping it up and putting it under the tree. There were already tons of gifts under the tree so it didn't seem weird at all.

You cleaned up your mess and right when you checked your watch you realized that it was seven o'clock. Miguel should be arriving any minute by now-

"Honey! I'm home!" you heard Miguel call out from the mud room. You could hear the noises of some bags indicative that he went grocery shopping like you had asked.

You rushed to the entrance and gave Miguel a big hug. You'd been missing him all day and it was taking every fiber in your body to not just tell him the great news right then and there.

"Woah amor, did you miss me that much?" he chuckled as he walked down the hall with you clinging to him.

You sat on the counter taking groceries out of bags as he put them away listening to him rant about how things were going at work. Most people wouldn't be very fond of listening to someone ramble about work for 30 minutes straight but Miguel wasn't a rambler he was a storyteller.

If he was going to tell you about his day, trust he would talk about it in a way that made it intriguing. He often made you laugh when he told you about some of the harmless silly rumors floating around at the office.

One thing that his fellow spiders other than Peter B would never know was that he enjoyed observing and gossiping about who was dating and who wasn't at Spider Society knowing that it was absolutely not his business.

The two of you thought yourselves to be cupids and would talk about what couple desperately needed to break up or who should be dating whom.

"Cariño I have a question..." Miguel started interrupting you laughing at his joke about who he thought Hobie should date.

"Yeah? What is it?" you asked in a more serious tone.

"Why haven't you gotten your period yet?" he asked.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit. You cursed to yourself trying to think of an answer.

"Well my period tracking app told me that it's because of my increased amount of weight training recently, it happened to me when I was 14 as well I lost my period for like half a year then," you explained.

"Huh, you never told me you've been going to the gym, you usually just run in the mornings," he said, accepting your answer. It almost hurt lying to him about this because he had so much trust in you that he believed everything you said.

"My practice closes at five now, remember? So I have a lot more time," you said.

"Oh I see," he said as he took out ingredients to make dinner.

He didn't really talk about it for the rest of the night and everything went smoothly but as you lay in bed that night in his arms you couldn't help but worry. What if you're not able to keep this up and the gift is ruined? All should be fine though besides you only have to keep from him for the next 7 days.

. . .

next part → 7 days til' Christmas

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taglist: @aripet22@to-the-endoftheline

[drdemonprince]

I have Borderline personality disorder and deal with chronic suicidal ideation. up to 10% of us *will* die by suicide. not *might* or *are more likely to.* *will.* which is 50 times greater than the general populace. it's hard to talk about and even harder to deal with bc it's such a heavy topic. the best thing, I think, is to just listen to somebody who is suicidal. let them talk about it. don't offer solutions, none of that "you have so much to live for" shit. the best thing you can say is "I understand how you feel." yeah I might think about suicide every day, but that doesn't mean I'll just suddenly pop and kms. suicides are largely decided within half an hour, and even more are decided within minutes. help a suicidal person feel grounded, let them know that you respect their decision should they follow through. they know that it's not the only way.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, anon. I would caution you very strongly to not take psychiatry's profoundly flawed and biased statistics as a predictive declaration of your fate, however.

*Will* makes it sound unchangeable no matter a BPDer's circumstances -- and given that psychiatry already operates out of the stereotype that BPDers are "incurable" (and therefore not worth much effort in helping), it's subject to a ton of bias. statistically, we can't actually say that a person "will" die of something like suicide with any certainty, as it's not a simple progressive illness like a cancer or something. suicide risk is dynamic and influenced by a person's social support, relationship dynamics, financial situation, whether they're on medications that exacerbate or help things, their trauma recovery, all kinds of things that *are* mutable.

Psychologists and psychiatrist are taught downright cruel things about people with BPD -- i've been in those programs, i've heard things that have shocked me -- and it leads to profound isolation, internalized stigma, and sometimes unnecessary death. many providers give up on ya'll or make things worse for you when they have no right to do that, and they're taught that it's the most yall deserve. that's part of why the suicide risk for BPDers is so consistent.

A person ought to have the freedom to choose death and preventing all suicides is not a respectful goal. I am a harm reductionist and supporter of body autonomy to the maximum. my point here is that when psychiatry says you and people like you "will" die by suicide 10% of the time, what they mean is that that's the general trend they have observed, and they have decided that because of their (bigoted, hateful, scientifically unsupported) belief that yall can never feel better that it's a loss they are okay with accepting.

Anyone who has heard nothing but negative things about BPD I would strong recommend pick up a copy of the book Psychiatric Hegemony.

Sorry for the aside and the rant, but I really want to make that reality exactingly clear. Living with suicide ideation doesn't mean a person can't have a worthwhile life, or that their existence wasn't meaningful and important however long or short that it was.

[pillarsalt]

i know this is like, completely out of nowhere, but do you have any tips for building up confidence and self-esteem as a woman? i find myself constantly apologizing to everyone for even the smallest of infractions, i feel really guilty for no discernible reason most of the time, and the worst part is i don't even know why i do it. i guess a big part of it is that i'm autistic, i don't have an innate sense of the minutia of what's socially acceptable or not, so i always try to pick the easiest, safest option that nobody could possibly misinterpret, which is just being a doormat most of the time. i hate it: people constantly speak over me, ignore what i say and treat me more like an object than a person, but it's the only thing i know how to hold onto so i'm not completely shooting in the dark socially, i've been doing it since i was a little kid. i know i should grow a spine and be myself, but fuck, nobody wants to be the clueless weirdo who doesn't even notice she's a nuisance

Hey anon, thank you for reaching out. I struggled and still struggle with a lot of the same stuff. Often I feel sort of like I have to justify my existence wherever I am; I have to be the friendliest and most helpful I can be, otherwise I'll just be taking up space and people won't like me. What could be worse than people not liking me?? I also overanalyze social interactions I've had and agonized over whether I've offended someone or if my words were interpreted incorrectly.

But these are things we have no control over, and obsessing over things you can't control only leads to a worse and worse state of mind. It's a vicious cycle: when you feed into unhealthy thoughts, you're cementing that mental pathway. It's more comfortable to think in your usual twisted way than it is to climb out of that rut and try to see things another way. It's really important to climb out. It's the same with apologizing, I also am trying to stop saying sorry so much, hard work but you can do it too. You're not at fault by default, you're doing your best like everyone else and that's nothing to apologize for.

Unfortunately, and I hate this as much as you do, the solution is to not give a fuck. Since initially that's impossible, you have to PRETEND not to give a fuck. Speak loudly like you don't care who hears you, say what you think even if you might embarrass yourself a bit, take up space. Walk with your head high and a strong stride. You are a whole entire person and you deserve to be heard and seen as much as anyone else. This is your world too!

I have a friend who also has a low awareness of social niceties, she's very brash and sometimes says things that can kinda sting just because she's so brutally honest even when she's joking. But I know she doesn't do it to be unkind, so I don't hold it against her, it's just who she is. In my view, if I afford this grace to other people, I should also be given that room to make mistakes, so long as I'm not being unpleasant purposefully. My friends have been annoying or rude before but I still like them and think their good traits outweigh the bad by a ton... why shouldn't I assume that they feel the same about me?

And in the end, if someone doesn't like you, that's their loss. There are billions of people in the world, you will absolutely find people who love you for exactly who you are. Don't pare yourself down to fit in, let all of your beautiful branches grow up and out.

[unfunnyaceartist]

Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it

I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.

Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.

Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.

sorry im dumb haha

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for refusing to give up on my friend?

Hi! I (13M) have this really cool friend group. Or at least… I did. The other members were F (13F) and K (13M), and we were super super close. We met at our middle school.

But… we’re not normal middle schoolers. I was the first one to find out. I’m actually the reincarnation of a super cool super-powered alien (who was not actually an alien, but it’s more fun to describe it that way) who died 15 years ago.

I know I’m him, btw. I’m not just making it up. Dude was a super big public figure, and I have tons of his memories. My teacher (who was one of his students at one point) (30m) even agrees with me. He thinks I’m the real deal.

F is the reincarnation of someone, too. Specifically, someone I knew in my past life. In our past lives she was a normal, albeit REALLY NICE person who inspired me a lot… someone who I accidentally got killed. I was heartbroken when I remembered how she died and super stoked when F told me she was her. That’s not why we became friends, of course— F has always been my ride or die, but I was so, so happy my dear friend had been alongside me all this time.

But while on the topic of how F… died in our past lives, I should probably mention what my job was before I was an alien.

I was a serial killer. I called myself an assassin, but that’s giving myself too much credit, really. Ultimately, I was just a murderer— and an INFAMOUS one, too. I had a kill count in the thousands. I was an honest-to-god no good, selfish, terrible guy. It makes me feel sick to even think about.

I even had an apprentice in killing, and one I treated like garbage. I stole him away from his bad family and instead of showing him love only showed him more hatred. I treated that boy like trash.

The only reason I stopped being a serial killer is that he handed me over to authorities. And authorities… well, for reasons I still don’t really understand, they handed me over to this… guy. I’ll call him Y. Y was a no-good, rotten, nasty piece of work. Every bit as bad as I was… and that’s saying a lot! He instantly began to perform extremely painful human experiments on me, doing so with the excuse that no one would miss me.

But it wasn’t all bad. In Y’s custody is where I met F in our past lives. She was working for him. And he treated her like garbage, too. He’d hit her and call her names and make her feel so unsafe. She was miserable when she was around him.

I… tried my best to help, but there’s not a lot I could do from behind a glass screen. Still, I came to empathize with F, and it was actually becoming her friend that made me want to give up killing.

Eventually, I escaped Y’s lab, but at a terrible cost. I turned into a alien monster and went on a horrific rampage— killing tons of people. And even worse, F got killed, too. Like I said: it was an accident, a result of a trap that Y set up, but at the same time it really, REALLY felt like my fault. I hated myself. Both in that life and now when I learned about it.

Still, I lived an okay life after that. I ended up taking in some students that F originally cared for and nurtured them. And I treated them right, unlike I treated my original apprentice. Because of them and F, I learned to love. Eventually, I died, but only after sending Y into hospice and getting to say goodbye to my beloved kids.

I was content with that.

But... here I am now.

Originally, I didn't remember all of this. I just remembered being a cool superpowered guy. Learning how messed up all of it was really, REALLY scared me. I was glad when I learned that F was... well, F, so I could apologize to her, but that didn't fix everything. After all, there were still so many people I hurt. I felt like an awful person who didn't deserve to be alive. My friends and family tried to comfort me, but it was... really hard, for a time.

And even worse than that, soon after, K started drifting away from me.

I know I haven't talked about K much, so let me describe him a little. He's a real stand-up guy. A little cowardly... but he has a big heart. He was always-- and I mean ALWAYS there for me and F, even as we learned all the weird stuff about our past lives. He's funny and sweet and supportive. The kind of person I'd do anything for. I really, really loved him, and so did F.

So... things were stressful when he started to pull away. He stopped hanging out with us. Kept giving us the cold shoulder. I didn't understand why. I thought maybe it was because he was scared of me now, but that wasn't fair to F. I confronted him and told him that if I was a bad person then F shouldn't have to suffer for it. That he was really important to her, and he should keep being her friend, at least!

But that's when K told me something, and it was something I NEVER expected to hear.

...K was Y.

He told me he just remembered recently. That he really didn't know. He broke down in tears, telling me that that's why he pulled away. He remembered abusing the two of us and felt like he no longer deserved to our friend. It was well and truly heartbreaking to hear.

Because... here's the thing. I hate Y. Like really, REALLY hate Y, but K is nothing like him. K is one of the best people I know. He's never treated me like anything less than a superhero. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

I told him it was alright. I told him I didn't care. I told him that the past was the past and that Y was dead now and he was someone new. He was shocked, but I really, really believed it. And for the first time, in saying so, I actually felt alright about myself. I realized that if K wasn't responsible for his actions in a past life-- if he never asked to be born, then neither did I. I realized that if I didn't hate him, then maybe... I didn't have to hate myself.

I gave him a BIG hug and told him we could go back to being friends. I told him it didn't matter. And I thought everything would be alright.

But K... also wanted to tell F the truth.

I get why he did. He kept saying she deserved to know. But at the same time, F is a pretty... standoffish person. She's not like she used to be-- all kind and forgiving. It took me a very long time to befriend her. She gets angry easily and she makes a lot of snap judgements. I was so certain she'd get upset with K.

And F... really needed me and K, I think. She had a bad life. Her parents weren't at all nice to her and she had a lot of self esteem issues. K and I were the only friends she had. I knew that if she ditched K, then she wouldn't have anyone. No-one would be there to support her.

And I'd be asked to take sides. How could I possibly do something like that?

So I convinced K to hide it. I told him that he was a new person now and F didn't need to know. All telling her would do is break her heart. I didn't want to hurt her like that.

And so for a while, the secret remained between us.

But then something really bad happened to K's family. I won't go into details, 'cause I'm not sure it's my place, but it was something truly awful. He nearly lost a parent, and even worse... he was convinced it was his fault. He CERTAIN that the universe was punishing him in some way for being Y, or at the very least, for not telling F about it, and that if he didn't spill the beans then even worse stuff would happen.

...So he did. He told her.

And F reacted just like I thought she would. Angry and crying, she said she couldn't believe she ever trusted him. She accused him of just pretending to not know... and manipulating her so he could hurt her. She was pissed. She punched K in the face and told him she never wanted to see him again.

I tried to reason with her, but she wouldn't hear me out. And when she learned I knew about this before she did... that I suggested hiding it from her, she got even more upset. She told me that I was taking her abuser's side over her-- someone that I'd been friends with for two lifetimes now, and that she never wanted to see me again, either. She called me a selfish jerk and ran off sobbing.

And... that's where things are at. Our little friend group's torn apart. I really want to fix things, but I don't even know where to start. Did I do the wrong thing? By taking K's side? By telling him to hide the truth? I just wanted to protect he and F... I really love them both. But now I'm being expected to choose, and I hate that.

Even K thinks I made the wrong call. That I shouldn't have told him to hide it and that F had every right to react how she did. But at the same time... I just feel so sick. I know he's better now. He's my friend. He has to be better. If he's not, then I'm not. I'm just a no-good killer. Why can't F just see that? Remember all the nice stuff K's done for her?

What do I do? How do I repair things? I feel like if I were still the guy I was in my past life then I'd know how to. But instead, I'm clueless. I feel lost and useless. I'm really, really sorry and afraid.

AITA?

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

(Note: All of these asks are before episode 206 (Season 2 finale) so some may be dated.) 1. ok but I love Rachel spent the latter half of 2021 being like ooooh Kronos is coming back!! this is a big deal!! only to timeskip ten years and NOTHING happened. like wow even Kronos isn't a big deal when it comes to how totally not pathetic Persephone is as a 30+ year old doing no work and only being obsessed with a guy she knew for a month. literal masterclass in awful writing. It's almost impressive how bad it is.

2. Deadass I don't even get why RS is like oh yeh nymphs and other creatures should be second class citizens but they're also all "trash" and thus its good and even encouraged to abuse and mistreat them. like yeah that's what was missing, racism where the marginalized group are evil and "deserve" to be abused and mistreated by those with all the power over them. THAT's what mythology was so sorely missing.  jfc. I know a lot of the WT staff are white people and so is Rachel but wtf???

3. It's quite funny how a woman old enough to be my mother cannot draw or write worth shit and there are literal teenagers on this website who are a thousand times the artist and writer she could ever hope to be.

4. This isn’t me trying to be mean but like, why is everything from the book covers to the official merch so ,.. cheap looking? Like these are supposed professionals, not Rachel, doing it, yet they’re still so poorly designed and crafted. It doesn’t help the images Rachel gives time to work with are all in the rushed, ugly style now either 😪

5. I just find it funny that every time an LO fan or even WT promotes it its like ... they ONLY use art from the first 10-ish episodes at best. Like yall, that was over four years ago, why aren't you using current art to be more accurate? Like it's kinda telling on themselves they know the quality declined rapidly after the first few months but are like "just ignore that! look at this three good panels from 2018!"

6. I HATE those panels where RS tries to be anatomically correct to IRL humans and its like omg they look even worse (and are still wildly wrong anyway?? She cannot draw heads to save her life for real). Like lady just work within your stylization, there's a reason people picked up your work off what it used to be versus what it is now.

7. this isnt necessarily LO based but I do find it crazy how people like RS and her fans viewed the original hymn like ugh Demeter is such a bitch why wouldnt she be happy Hades married her daughter like .... you guys are aware ancient brides tended to be married at 14, right? maybe that's why Demeter was pissed and creeped out by him. They're so blinded by their fantasy of this "perfect Hades" that never existed over the truth of a mother defending her literal CHILD.

8. Zeus is objectively the only hot man on cast because he actually has a personality, fashion sense, and pretty hair meanwhile Hades just looks like a dusty old man with zero drip and a million and one red flags 🫣

9. "This style of story telling" what style? just lying and making everything up to where it matches nothing in mythology? my god, she's so concerned over looking like a clever writer who has everything planned out and knows more than anyone else (including actual greeks??? ma'am) over actually telling a decent story. ive never seen someone so self conscious about being perceived as a "real writer" before.

10. Why even use mythology when you won't keep any of the stories true to how they were, change all the relationships, and just make up whatever else instead? At that point just go "this was inspired by the greek myths" and use your own OCs, not claiming you're telling an accurate story with a ton of research put into it. Rachel really just wants to have her cake and eat it too, huh?

[sevlgi]

hit and run

requested: no

group: blackpink

pairing: rosé x fem!reader

genre: a  shit ton of angst, some fluff

contents: idol!rosé, actress!y/n, closeted!rosé, costar!au, slight enemies-to-lovers, unhappy endings because i’m a bitch, a lot of attempted cinematic parallels, italicized dialogue is when they’re speaking as their characters

warnings: slight homophobia

synopsis: There’s absolutely no reason for you to get involved with a costar who you should hate by all accounts. But of course, you manage to forget that love is usually more like a hit-and-run than a cruise ship. 

a/n: while i was writing this, i  imagined this as what happened before rosie sang “gone”, so maybe you can think of it like that too? i’m honestly so terrified of this flopping lmao... 

for a little background on the film: Y/N plays Luna, a pirate captain who unknowingly sacrificed her family in order to have the power to fight the regime that Rosé’s character Helen is a part of. Helen approaches Luna, determined to help her bring justice, but Helen is unable to choose between the benefits of staying with the regime, and following what she knows is right and destroying her life as a result.

word count: 6.8k

The last thing you want to hear on the morning of your first script reading is that the actress playing your love interest in the film has changed.

“What?” you say loudly, straightening in the backseat. Your manager frowns, and you sit obediently, but the scowl doesn’t leave your face. “What do you mean the actress changed?”

“Yeah. She had to leave the movie at the last minute,” he sighs.

Sooyoung was chosen alongside you, after lengthy interviews testing whether the two of you would be able to handle your characters’ dynamic. It took weeks for the director to decide that you were the pair that she wanted, so the news that you’ll be meeting your costar for the first time in front of paparazzi is quite the shock to your system. “Shit. Then who’s the replacement?”

Your manager presses his lips together firmly before answering, “Park Chaeyoung. She’s an idol.”

You groan and slump down again. “Great. Another idol actress? Please don’t tell me that this is her first role too. Oh god, is she straight?”

“Yes to all of the above,” Chan says tensely.

Maybe you’re being dramatic, but it’s honestly a big deal. It’s the first leading role you’ve bagged, especially in a mainstream LGBTQ+ movie, and Sooyoung was the best costar you could’ve picked. You’ve never met Park Chaeyoung before, and you already know that all your plans are going to be messed up.

Chan pulls the car into the parking lot, and you scowl when you realize that most of the paparazzi have arrived. “We’re going around the back. Y/N, promise me one thing: don’t make a scene, okay?” your manager pleads. “I’m not happy about it either, but Chaeyoung has a good reputation. You’ll just ruin yours if you blow up at her.”

“I promise,” you answer through gritted teeth. You slip through the open side door as soon as you get out of the car, ignoring Chan’s call after you to have a good time like you would’ve.

To make matters worse, you don’t even get a chance to talk to the director or Chaeyoung before you’re swarmed by a crowd of reporters, even if that ‘talk’ would’ve consisted of more yelling than anything. “Y/N, Y/N!”

“Okay, let her up!” Seulgi shouts, pushing her way through. She grips your arm to lead you towards the cast table, whispering under her breath, “I’ll explain later. But just run with it, okay?”

You have plenty of problems with idol actresses, but you’ve never been inclined to say all those problems to their faces. Until now, that is.  Now, you’re sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with a girl you know has absolutely no credentials to be playing the other role in your upcoming movie, resisting the urge to ball your script up and throw it in her face.

There’s nothing wrong with Park Chaeyoung as a person-- she’s admittedly gorgeous, probably sweet, and you’re sure she isn’t a bad actress in any sense. The only thing wrong with the situation is that she’s painfully straight and auditioning to be your love interest in what might be Korea’s first mainstream lesbian film, and that you have never spoken to her before.

Chaeyoung avoids your stare with a clenched jaw, and in normal circumstances, you would already be apologizing profusely for making her uncomfortable. In this circumstance, though, your obvious grudge against her only contributes to the dynamic her character is supposed to have with yours.

“Miss Kang, is it true that the actors were only picked today?” 

The director grimaces, and the both of you turn to look at the cameras flashing by the sides of the room. It was never the plan to allow paparazzi to sit in on the first reading that you and Chaeyoung would be doing together, especially since it’s true that Chaeyoung was only chosen hours ago, after the original actress bailed. Even though your grudge should be against the girl who left, it’s easier to glare at the one sitting next to you. “Not exactly. Y/N has been confirmed for the role of Luna for months, but we recently added Chaeyoung as Helen. But we can assure that their chemistry will be wonderful,” Seulgi reassures the audience. What a lie.

Yet another reporter calls out, “How much of the script will we be seeing today, and when will the trailer be released?”

“Since the casting was changed today, the trailer has been delayed,” Seulgi says. You can hear the panic in her voice, and clear your throat. “As for the script… we’re only doing part of one scene that will show up in the trailer today, so we’ll just let them begin. Y/N?”

As you take a sip of water to prepare yourself, you almost hope that Chaeyoung messes up her part. It would be bad press, sure, and it would only contribute to Seulgi’s stress, but it would be satisfying for her to realize that she doesn’t deserve her part. She’s just an idol, after all, and she’s taking away representation from the people who need it.

“Are you saying you’re better than me?” you begin, your voice ice-cold.

You watch Chaeyoung’s throat bob, but her voice is steady and clear when she says her line. “No! I’m not saying that I’m better than you… but by all accounts, there’s no way you should have this power.”

“Would you be less scared then?” You pause, watch as Chaeyoung’s expression changes to the panic that her character’s would. “I’m kidding, Helen. I did things to get these powers, things that I’m not proud of.”

“Why would you do that? You’re strong… you don’t need them.”

“I’ve never been-- shit.” The tips of your ears start to burn, and suddenly, your lines are swimming before your eyes. Maybe all your hoping and wishing that Chaeyoung messes up has reflected onto you instead.

She attempts to remind you, “I haven’t always--”

“I know,” you hiss, but your voice is too loud in the silent room. Chaeyoung turns bright pink, too, but you still can’t seem to say your lines out loud. Shit, shit, shit--

“I’m just trying to help,” she sighs.

You whip your head to glare at her, and she winces at the daggers you send in her direction. “Shut the hell up--”

“Okay, the script reading will end here,” Seulgi announces loudly, and you bite down hard on your tongue. You don’t dare to look at the other cast members, don’t dare to think about how they must be guilting you for cutting their PR short. “Thank you everyone, please leave with security.”

You stay in your seat, staring at your script with burning eyes until you feel a hand on your shoulder and jolt. “Hey,” Chaeyoung reminds you, “we can leave.”

“Don’t touch me” is your only answer, and you storm out of the room. Alone.

The next time you see Chaeyoung is the next day, at a script-reading that the paparazzi knows nothing about. (You do see a friend request from a Park Chaeyoung the night before, but you ignore it.)

Seulgi attempts a smile, but it doesn’t hide the bags under her eyes. She claps and raises her voice to get the cast’s attention. “Okay, everyone. We didn’t get what we wanted yesterday, but that’s fine. Um… let’s try yesterday’s scene from Chaeyoung’s part, okay? From ‘you don’t need them’.”

Chaeyoung nods. “You’re strong… you don’t need them,” she starts, worry tinging into her voice.

“I haven’t always been strong,” you reply, your voice harsher than it should be just to stop yourself from messing up again.

“Still. Powers aren’t everything, Luna, it’s too hard to have them.”

You sigh. “Newsflash, princess. It’s harder not to.”

“But--” Chaeyoung interjects.

“Did you ever think,” you cut her off, “that I didn’t care that it’d be hard? Did you ever think that the rest of us are tired of you abusing the thing that you’re given, but we have to fight for?”

You look right to Seulgi once you finish, ignoring the part underneath that says you should look to Chaeyoung at the end of the scene. The director smiles anyway. “That was great, you two. I think you capture the tension perfectly, which is a relief.”

You fight the urge to laugh. “I know that changing our main cast so close to the actual production is really difficult,” Seulgi sighs. “And I’m really sorry to inconvenience you all. The schedule is really squished now, and we just have to work through it. Chaeyoung, Y/N, all I ask is that you try to work together, okay? I know you’ll be amazing together.”

Chaeyoung speaks, possibly for the first time besides her lines. “Of course, Ms. Bae. I’ll do my best.”

“I’m sure. We have to cut this short, again, but we’re scheduled for costume fitting right now,” Seulgi groans. “We have to at least get the outfits for the trailer to fit. Sorry, everyone. Down the hall, okay?”

Of course, you and Chaeyoung have to get fit together. The only sound in the hallway is that of her heels clicking on the wood, and you resist the urge to shout at her to stop. Luckily, you arrive in the fitting room before you can.

Your eyes widen at the dress hanging there. It’s incredible, even without the layers that would support the skirt-- you can’t even imagine how the beading and pink silk would look on Chaeyoung. Ethereal, probably. “Y/N, yours is here,” the costume director laughs, beckoning you over.

Even though your own outfit isn’t nearly as opulent, you can’t help but admire the gold detailing on the cuffs and the tailoring. “Thank god yours doesn’t take so much sewing,” the director grunts, pinning the side. “You know, the two of you are going to look fantastic in these, even if we have to spill all that blood on them to shoot the trailer.”

“Sooyoung would’ve looked better.” It’s mean, and it’s a low blow, but the director doesn’t take your bait.

She pokes her head out to where Chaeyoung’s being fitted. “Now? Okay, Y/N, go out there. We need to take a look at the two of you together.”

You can’t stop your jaw from dropping when you see Chaeyoung. She’s all candyfloss hair and gold adorning her tiny waist, and in all her glory, you can’t stop yourself from thinking that maybe she was made for the role. “You look really good,” she compliments softly.

Nodding stiffly, you turn for the seamstresses. Chaeyoung moves to fiddle with her gloves when she realizes that you have absolutely no interest in continuing the conversation.

Well, if there’s one thing you can nitpick about her, it isn’t how she looks; she looks absolutely perfect for the role of Princess Helen, maybe even more perfect than Sooyoung. 

One of the costume directors steps in. “Okay, you can get changed out, but you have to come back in a few hours,” she tells you. “We have to make a lot of changes, then fit you again.”

You step down from the podium, going towards your dressing room without a second thought until Chaeyoung calls for you. “Y/N? Do you want to have lunch later? In your trailer or something?”

“Sure,” you answer, barely glancing back. When you do, all you see is her with shiny puppy eyes, and in her giant gown, it’s eerily similar to the role she’s supposed to be playing.

“It’s nice. You’ve decorated it?”

You nod absentmindedly, clearing the narrow couch off for yourself to sit on, since Chaeyoung has taken the only chair that could fit in the trailer. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve had it for a few months, so.”

She winces. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you frown. Chaeyoung apologizes too much, but at least she’s upfront about whatever she has to say.

Your costar sighs, “For usurping the role? You must’ve gotten attached to Sooyoung, and it’s got to be horrible for me to just… arrive like this.”

“You know… that’s part of it.” You can’t lie; a big part of the resentment you hold against Chaeyoung is the fact that she took a role meant for someone else, someone you were friends with. “The other thing… I don’t like idol actresses,” you tell her.

Chaeyoung’s brows furrow, and she leans forward. “Why? I mean, why don’t you?”

You pause to think about it. “Well… I mean, think about it like this. Sooyoung and my auditions went for weeks before we were chosen, as a pair. Didn’t you get this role because you were an idol? You had to audition, sure, but I bet you just flashed a few smiles and read the script and got chosen. How is that fair?”

She opens her mouth to speak, but you hold your hand up and continue, “And the other thing. You’re straight.”

Chaeyoung chokes on air at that, spluttering, “What? You hate me because I’m straight?”

“No,” you say incredulously, “Well, I don’t hate you. But you being straight, and landing the lead role in a film like this… you’re taking away representation. And that’s kind of shitty of you.”

The air inside the trailer becomes suffocating, and Chaeyoung’s fiddling with the jacket in her lap finally stops when she throws it aside and stands up. She sounds like she’s about to cry when she says quietly, “Have you ever considered that I’m not straight? It’s not… it’s not that easy to be out about it--”

“Oh, cry me a river,” you groan. “Look, I apologize for assuming, but if you want to act in lesbian roles, you can’t pretend to be straight. It’s all for your fans, isn’t it? Another part of being an idol--”

She stands up, then storms right out of the trailer without another word, the door banging closed. The only thing you can do in response is sigh and utter a quiet, “Shit”.

Perhaps it’s just your luck that the first proper scene you have to film with Chaeyoung is your culminating kiss scene.

It shouldn’t be in the trailer at all-- according to the scene schedule, the two of you would’ve filmed your scenes together in chronological order, and the kiss would’ve been at the end, hopefully after a reconciliation between the two of you. However, for some inexplicable reason, it’s going to be the first one you do, without a single second of rehearsal.

You’re a one-take wonder, and you always have been, but you can’t help but think about how impossible it’s going to be to pull off such an intense scene with someone you just fought with. Sighing, you lean over to fiddle with your hair; it’s slightly tangled now, and there’s a fake scrape on the side of your cheek. 

At a side, Chaeyoung is similarly beat up, fake blood smeared on the left side of her face. Her long hair has been put in an updo and then taken down, and parts of her dress are ripped; to you, she looks more like Helen than herself now.

“Okay, everyone, are we ready? Positions, please!”

You arrange yourself on the ground where you should be, holding a handkerchief to your cheek like instructed as Chaeyoung stands by the camera to run to you. Exhaling sharply, your eyes meet hers for the first time in days. “Action!”

Chaeyoung sprints to you as soon as she’s cued, falling in front of you in a heap. “Luna,” she gasps, reaching a gloved hand out to the ‘injured’ half of your face.

“I’m fine,” you smile weakly. The camera hovers by Chaeyoung’s shoulder, and you soften your gaze as much as possible as your hand comes up to hers.

The other girl only moves closer, her eyes scanning yours and her dress surrounding the both of you like a sea of gauze. Her nose is almost brushing up against yours, and you mutter softly, “Be careful. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want.”

“Well, what do you want?” Chaeyoung implores, almost inaudible. Her breath quivers, and you feel it when you reach forward to cup her jaw. “Luna, what do you want right now?”

“I’m not making a move until you tell me to,” you shake your head. 

The blonde’s hands slip off your face, and she braces herself on your thighs instead. She laughs breathily, “Coward.”

“Your coward, huh?”

Chaeyoung pauses, scraping her teeth across her bottom lip. It’s so quiet that you think you could hear a pin drop, and the torches held up by the crew flicker across her face so naturally. “If you want to be.”

There’s probably another line that comes after, but with Chaeyoung so close to you, it swims blurrily in your mind. So instead, you just lean up, pull her down, and connect your lips.

She plays along, thankfully, stumbling slightly in her character’s eagerness to get a little closer. The only thing you can hear is Chaeyoung’s slight gasp when you let your hands wander down to her waist, and it’s almost scary how absorbed you are in the scene.

“Okay, cut!” Seulgi’s shout breaks you from your trance, and you hold your hands up as if in surrounder. Chaeyoung’s cheeks are red yet again when she sits up, staring anywhere other than you.

Your director hops off her chair to run towards you, a huge grin on her face. “That was perfect,” she shouts. “Y/N, I think you forgot a line? But it worked out amazingly. The one-take wonder, right?”

You grin when she pats you on the shoulder, a little harder than necessary. Apparently, all your worries were for nothing, as you and Chaeyoung stand to monitor your own shot in the screen next to Joohyun.

You can’t even hear all the praise she showers on the two of you, and you pay no attention to all the details she points out that apparently showcase your perfect chemistry with your costar. All you feel is a slight squeeze on your hand, hidden in the mess of fabric by your side.

You jolt awake at the sound of your phone ringing loudly by your side, finding an unknown number as the caller ID. Accepting hesitantly, you greet, “Hello?”

“Y/N? Did Chan give me the right number?”

Oh. It’s Chaeyoung. “Yeah.” You clear your throat in an attempt to sound a little less drowsy, then repeat, “Right number. Why’d you ask Chan?”

“Well, it’s kinda hard to find you when you never accepted my request,” she laughs quietly. “Um, I have to record the OST today, and I was wondering whether you’d want to come watch? Chan said you didn’t really have any scenes later today.”

“Um. Okay. I’ll ask Chan to bring me,” you answer, then hang up. Your head swims slightly, partially due to the fact that you woke up to the piercing sound of your ringtone and partially because you just don’t understand why Chaeyoung’s reaching out again. You should be the one apologizing, after the tangent you went off on, and you highly doubt that your kiss scene doubled as an apology. Of course, you’ll take it.

Your manager is more than pleased to pick you up this time, but thankfully, he doesn’t question you. If he did, he’d probably be the one you shouted at.

The studio is honestly too small for two people, probably hastily set up, but you recognize the recording equipment from a video of Chaeyoung recording one of her group’s songs. And you recognize the girl already standing in the recording booth, waving you over. “Hi,” she smiles, and for all you try, you don’t see a hint of malice.

“Hey,” you mumble, taking a seat. “Uh… I’m sorry.”

“Wow, straightforward,” she tries to joke. “What for?”

You scratch the back of your neck, sighing, “For assuming, for blowing up on you, for… I don’t know, kind of everything. I’m an asshole, even if what I said wasn’t wrong.”

Chaeyoung chuckles, fiddling with the mic. “I mean, I appreciate the apology, but I wasn’t great either. You definitely had some truth behind what you said, even if it was kind of too to the point.”

“I know. You were just trying to apologize and help us become civil, and I kind of ruined it,” you hum. The other girl adjusts the lyric stand as you continue, “But I’m hoping you understand why I had to say what I did?”

“I do,” she agrees. “You’re definitely right that it’s not good representation at all, I just wish you had heard me out.”

You nod uncomfortably, changing the way you sit on the couch just to distract yourself. “So… you’re gay? I’m just asking because I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about it, and I’ve seen plenty of your interviews.”

“So you watch my interviews?” Chaeyoung teases. When you scowl, she just smiles, “I can’t say specifically, but I am confused. You said last time that it’s just another part of being an idol, and you’re… you’re right. It’s taboo for idols to be gay, even though Korea’s opening up to it a bit more now. So even though I want to, I don’t think I can ever be out about it.”

“I understand. And I’m sorry,” you say quietly.

She swallows, throat bobbing. “Thank you. Hey, Y/N… would you mind singing with me?”

“What?” You stare up at her incredulously; it’s not like your singing would make the other girl faint on the spot, but you definitely don’t possess an angelic voice like hers, either.

But maybe it’s an olive branch. “Just… can you match this note?” She hums, and you attempt to create the same pitch. “Okay. Can you do the chorus part in that key, while I do it in the main one? We’ll sound better like that,” Chaeyoung offers.

Against your better judgement, you stand, and shuffle into the recording booth next to her. “If this sounds bad, you’re taking the blame,”  you warn, and she giggles while twisting the stand so you can see.

You do sound good together, maybe to a level that you would’ve never anticipated.

You know that something’s off when Chan doesn’t wake you up bright and early on your birthday, even if Seulgi already promised that you wouldn’t have to go to work on the day of. After spending many a birthday with him, you’ve already gotten used to him tugging you up just to take you outside and celebrate somehow.

You know something’s especially off when you hear a female voice cursing from your kitchen, and smell something burning.

“Who the shit-- Chaeyoung?”

The girl turns in surprise, caught red-handed with a piece of burnt toast pinched between her fingers. “Um. Hi?” she offers weakly.

Suddenly self-conscious, you cross your arms over the faded sweatshirt you wear. In your own apartment, Chaeyoung is leagues more put-together in the summery dress she wears, her dyed hair tossed in a braid and glitter shining at the corners of her eyes. “Hello?”

“Chan said you wouldn’t be awake for a few hours,” she sighs, shaking her head as she tosses the toast in the trash. “And I wasn’t supposed to burn the toast.”

“What were you supposed to do?” you question, stepping closer. There’s a cake box on the counter, as well as a couple suspicious tubes of icing right by it, and you think you know what’s going on.

Chaeyoung huffs out an exasperated breath. “I was supposed to surprise you. Chan has something going on at home, so he sent me to supervise your birthday instead. Obviously, I messed that up.”

“It’s fine,” you shrug, taking a seat at the counter and reaching for the icing. “I’ve always wanted to decorate a cake anyway.”

She looks surprised at that, but a smile breaks out across her face. “Really?”

“Really,” you confirm. It’s partially a lie, but you’re decently sure that Chaeyoung will refuse to let you do most of the work anyways. “Uh. I’ll just change first, and then we can get that going?”

“Yeah,” she grins, and you take it as your cue to scurry off to the bedroom.

By the time you come back, there’s a plate of not-burnt toast on your counter, and Chaeyoung’s pouring out two glasses of the juice that you can never bring yourself to buy because of the price tag. “I hope you like it, this is one of my favorites.”

“Like it? I love this,” you gasp, surging forward to pick up one of the glasses. “It’s expensive as hell, though.”

“Well, I couldn’t get you a gift, so I thought a nice morning would suffice,” Chaeyoung laughs. She unties the bow on the cake box to reveal a completely bare vanilla cake, a few packets of sprinkles that you hadn’t noticed now lying next to it. “Do you want to start?”

“Oh, sure.” You choose the blue icing after a bit of debating, and pick up the spatula that your costar offers you. “You didn’t have to, though, I would’ve been okay on my own today.”

Chaeyoung shrugs, “I mean, I didn’t have anything else to do, and I wouldn’t like to be alone on my birthday.”

“How do you usually celebrate?” you question, glancing up at her.

She pauses to think, then answers, “Well, I do live with my members, so we’ll get something to eat. Sometimes, we’re on vacation, so we just do what we can, but I like staying in the dorm to receive the things that their families send me.”

“It sounds sweet.”

“It is,” she grins. “I honestly don’t know what I would do on my own, it seems lonely-- Oh. I’m sorry.”

“What for? It is kind of lonely,” you admit, squeezing a glob of icing out. It’s definitely not as graceful as you would’ve appreciated, and you catch Chaeyoung stifling a laugh. “Chan lived with me at the beginning, but he eventually moved out when I got a girlfriend. Obviously, that didn’t laugh.”

“Sorry,” the other girl repeats again, and you wave a hand out. “When was that?”

“She moved out two years ago,” you answer. “And I’ve been alone since. Or, lonely, not always alone.”

Chaeyoung nods just so that you know she heard you. She accepts the icing tube when you hand it to her, making a spiral that’s infuriatingly better than yours. “How about you? I know you said you aren’t out, but have you dated yet?” you question.

She shakes her head, admitting, “Not yet. I don’t really know how to, you know? You assumed I was straight when you first saw me, so I think everyone else does too.”

“Sorry,” you say, an echo of her.

Your costar doesn’t respond, only setting the spatula down once the basic blue icing is smooth. “I think we’re supposed to refrigerate this before decorating, right?”

You grimace. “Well, I don’t know. I stopped watching cake videos years ago, so I’ll just listen to you.”

Chaeyoung hums and ties the box back up. “Okay, then I’ll just do it. Um, do you mind ordering chicken or something while we wait?”

“Sure.” Reaching for your phone, you ask, “Would you be opposed to romcoms?”

“I’m never opposed to romcoms,” the other girl answers.

You have to remind yourself to order two servings of chicken, something that you haven’t done in a while. But it’s comforting, in a way, to not be alone again.

“Can you believe we’ve only got a week left of filming? I feel like I haven’t seen you at all.”

You wince guiltily, even though you know that Yerim doesn’t mean it. Acting with your friend was originally a huge incentive for you to accept the film’s role, but the two of you quickly discovered that you had almost no scenes together, and with your push-and-pull with Chaeyoung, you forgot all about it. “Sorry, Yerim.”

She makes an incredulous expression, swatting your arm. “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I’m happy you’re pursuing love and all that, and besides, we’ll have plenty of opportunities to act together.”

Blinking, you set your cup down on the counter. “Pursuing love?”

Yerim raises her eyebrow and says, “Yeah. Aren’t you and Chaeyoung together yet? We’ve been filming for two months, I’ll be shocked if you still haven't kissed and made up.”

“Uh. Well, we’ve kissed, but I don’t think it counted,” you frown. 

Your friend sighs and rolls her eyes. She’s all too used to how dense you are, and apparently, she’s finally gotten tired of it. “You’re an idiot. You literally met the morning of your first script reading, and you knew each other for… what, a week before you had your kiss scene? There’s got to be something there.”

“No.”

Right on cue, a few of the other cast members arrive, Chaeyoung sandwiched between them. “Have you seen the articles?” Nayeon grins, waving her phone around in the air. She’s drunk, obviously, but you have to indulge her.

“Which articles?”

She shoves the screen in your face as an answer, and you cringe when you find a screencap of you and Chaeyoung. “You won’t believe the chemistry-- nope, I’m not reading that.” You hand the phone back to Nayeon, then press it in her hand when she doesn’t take it. Yerim sends you a knowing expression, one that you definitely don’t like.

“Aw, come on! It’s good press,” Nayeon whines. “And a great kiss scene.”

“Don’t be weird,” Chaeyoung warns. She doesn’t seem to be drunk at all, though she does look fantastic in the silver dress that she wears. Your eyes linger on her for an embarrassing amount of time.

Nayeon pouts. She’s bubbly-- you’ve learned that much through acting alongside her in a total of three productions so far. You note that your costar doesn’t seem to be so accustomed to her temperament yet. “You’re no fun, Chaeng. We all know you enjoyed it.”

She goes bright pink at that amidst Yerim’s joking coos. “The token straight, converted?” your friend gasps, and you elbow her to stop her from going too far.

Apparently, it already has. “I didn’t!” Chaeyoung defends herself.

“Prove it,” Nayeon demands, slipping when she attempts to lean on the counter next to you.

Chaeyoung goes silent at that, apparently unable to find a way to ‘prove it’. You finally sigh, “Okay, I think that’s enough teas--”

If it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve long since memorized your entire script book, you would almost think that Chaeyoung reaching forward to tug on the front of your shirt is a scene between your two characters. After all, it’s perfectly in character for your eyes to widen comically as the other girl kisses you right on the lips. 

It’s also in character for Nayeon to start whooping next to you when your hands wrap around Chaeyoung’s waist to pull her in closer. You part at the noise. “You certainly look like you liked it,” Nayeon grins. 

“Yeah, get a room,” Yerim follows, and you shove her.

“You know what? Maybe we will.” Ignoring your friends’ jeering, you grab Chaeyoung’s wrist and lead her down the hallway, though not to a bedroom like you joked you would. “Hey. You okay? I didn’t know if that teasing crossed a line,” you whisper worriedly.

She bites down on her lip, but instead of answering you, Chaeyoung tilts your face up and leans closer, only stopped by your hand on her wrist. “Chae…”

“I’m sorry, this… this isn’t what you want, is it?” She steps back, mouth already opening to apologize, but you stop her from leaving you alone in the hallway.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” With the flashing neon lights echoing in her eyes, you can’t tell what Chaeyoung’s feeling, and you can’t tell if she’s willing to answer you properly at all. “I’m not making a move until you tell me to.”

Still, you don’t hear her say a word, until your grip starts to loosen on her wrist. “Did you drive here yourself?” she finally asks, barely audible. You nod hesitantly, and Chaeyoung’s voice grows firmer when she says, “I’m telling you to make a move.”

“I thought you were questioning?”

She swallows hard and takes your hand. “Not anymore.”

You don’t taste any alcohol when you lick your lower lip, and so, you nod. It’s stupid, especially considering how quickly your time together is about to end.

But for once, you know what you want.

“Good luck out there, Chae,” you smile, arms wrapped around the girl’s waist. 

“Thanks,” she hums, adjusting her hair yet again in the mirror. “We’re almost done filming, I have to promote us well so that we have enough money to at least put the damn film out.”

“Mm.” Your thumb smooths over the sliver of skin exposed by her top, and you place your chin on her shoulder to look at the two of you together.

She glances down at you. “What? Are you thinking about something?”

“Sort of,” you shrug. “I just can’t believe we’re almost done, but we… we just started this. You know, this thing between us.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely a thing. But it doesn’t have to stop with filming,” Chaeyoung says offhandedly.

Raising an eyebrow, you question, “Doesn’t it? It’s going to be suspicious for us to constantly be seen together after filming together, I’ve seen the way your fans behave. Especially while you’re not out.”

“I think I can negotiate that with my company,” the other girl shakes her head.

You joke, “What, you release another two albums if you get to come out about having a girlfriend?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Chaeyoung responds immediately. Her ears pink endearingly, and you wait for her to clarify, “In secret for now, obviously. But… one day, I’ll be out about it. I promise.”

“Don’t make empty promises, okay?” You press a kiss to her bare shoulder and let her go when you hear a knock at the dressing room door. “Do good!”

“Alright, Chaeyoung, it’s about time that we ask you some questions about your upcoming film, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” your costar smiles, and you raise your head from your phone to watch the screen. She’s sitting cross-legged across from some of the most famous idol interviewers in Korea, absolutely poised and natural even in front of the crowd that cheers over the interview.

The woman behind the podium clears her throat. “A huge talking point in Korea right now is your chemistry with your costar, Y/N. How exactly do you pull that off, since you’ve never experienced a relation like that?”

Chaeyoung laughs nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Oh. Well, um, I don’t have much experience with relationships at all, so--”

“Really? A pretty girl like you must have had a boyfriend or two before.” You despise the way that the interviewer leans in conspiratorially, as if the prying questions weren’t completely scripted. “But you seem a little to pretty to have experienced that, am I right?”

The crowd laughs with her, but Chaeyoung glances behind the scenes, probably to where her own staff sits. “You know, you can tell me if you ever felt… uncomfortable during filming,” the interviewer continues on. “Y/N has been out for years, hasn’t she?”

“Oh, she has…” You’re practically fuming, but you also can’t seem to pry your eyes away from the screen. All of Chaeyoung’s practiced idol-charm has seemed to dissipate into thin air, and she’s practically blending into the wall as she sits there.

The Chaeyoung you know-- no, the Chaeyoung that you’ve come to know, wouldn’t stand to hear something like that. You’ve watched her argue with a scriptwriter, and you’ve watched him get fired because he said something incredibly offensive, even though it wasn’t about you. But here, she sits still and just listens to the interviewer discuss you behind your back, and she says nothing about all the disgustingly backhanded comments.

The thing is, you don’t care about Chaeyoung not being out. You were closeted for enough time yourself, and you know how hard it is, so you’d never wish it on her; but watching her completely let go of all her personal principles just for a stupid interview is just another reminder that you’re letting go of your own. Chaeyoung won’t ever speak up, you realize, because her career comes before anything else. And you can’t stand for that.

“I’m leaving,” you tell the guard standing outside of your door. Only increasing your anger, tears start to burn in your eyes, and you scrape your sleeve across your face as roughly as you can. Chan picks up on one dial, and you say furiously, “Pick me up. It’s over.” In more ways than one.

Chaeyoung shivers at the top of the hill, where she’s supposed to be filming her closing scene with you. She hasn’t seen you for the past week, and after how disastrous her interview was, she’s pretty sure she knows why.

“Where’s Y/N?” she finally asks her makeup artist, giving in to her own curiosity.

Felix shrugs, reaching to mess with the blood on her hairline. “I have no idea, honestly, I haven’t seen her yet. She’s never late, though, you don’t have to worry. You’ll get your scene done.”

“That’s…” Chaeyoung sighs. That’s why she should be worried. “Right.”

“Okay, can we start?” Seulgi shouts. It’s started to rain, but with the excited look on the director’s face, Chaeyoung figures that it suits the scene even better than the gray clouds that had been planned. “Great. Chaeyoung, Y/N!”

Your hair is plastered to your forehead with the rain, and water makes your blouse cling to your curves; with the grim expression on your face, Chaeyoung could easily just mistake you for your character. “Hi,” you mutter, taking a seat on the grass right next to your costar. You say nothing else.

When cued, Chaeyoung takes a deep breath before her line. “Luna. I love you.”

For a second, Chaeyoung thinks you won’t respond, but the rasp to your voice proves her wrong. “No. No, you don’t.”

“I think I’m the one who should be deciding that, don’t you?” The blonde raises her eyebrows, reaching forward hesitantly for your shoulder.

Of course, you dodge it. Blinking the rain out of your eyes, you’re resigned when you ask, “You have your birthday gala tonight, don’t you?”

“Yes, but--” Chaeyoung swallows, lets her hand make contact, then continues, “I’m spending as much time as I can with you, aren’t I with you right now?”

“But you’re going.” It feels like you’re staring right into Chaeyoung’s soul when you speak, as despondent as your voice is. She nods, and you stand, her hand slipping off of your shoulder and into her lap. “Then go. You’re still a princess at the end of the day, aren’t you?”

“At the end of the day, yes…”

“You can’t do that. You sneak out onto my ships, get my people to love you and protect you, and then turn right back to your family to stay safe while we die for you. You can’t say you support our cause and then go back on it when it’s inconvenient for you, it doesn’t work like that!” Chaeyoung flinches at how intense you sound; at this point, she barely knows if it’s still acting. She can only hear her own heart in her ears, can only see your chest heaving from how quickly you spoke, and it all feels too real.

“What, do you want me to get found out?” Chaeyoung demands, getting to her feet as well. The rain becomes harsher, angled so that it perfectly blurs her vision of you. “I’ve saved your ass just as many times too, don’t pretend like I’m not a valuable part of your ship!”

“You’re still pretending.” Realizing that it’s not the right line, Chaeyoung opens her mouth to stop you, but your voice chills her into silence when you speak again. “You’ll always pretend, as long as it benefits you, won’t you? You can’t do that, Helen, not if you ‘love me’. Putting a crown on your head doesn’t mean that you’re a princess. Until you realize that, and until you’re willing to embrace it, you don’t love me. and I don’t love you.”

None of it is the script. None of it is the scene that you rehearsed a thousand times together in your trailer, but somehow, it makes Chaeyoung’s heart quaver in her throat so much more than the original lines ever did.

And when you drop your gaze to the ground, turning to walk off into the rain alone, she knows that to you, your entire relationship is already done.

[zukkoxx]

mha boys doing the hickey prank on you

(w/ bakugo, kiri, shinsou)

bakugo 💥

you and bakugo’s relationship started with bickering and annoying each other till you drive the other crazy.

and that didn’t stop when you started dating.

now, it’s more of pulling silly little pranks on each other.

and each time you would try to one up the other.

well, the last prank you pulled in bakugo had him fuming, he was mad for a week.

so obviously he had to get you back even worse.

he got mina to help him, figuring she’d be best at making the makeup look like the actual thing.

she berated him the whole time, telling him if he broke her best friend’s heart she’d shoot acid in his eyes.

he brushed off her comment. you deserved this.

it was a little late in the evening after you get to bakugo’s dorm, finished with all the tasks you had to do today.

“hey kats.” you greet, placing your things on his desk and joining him on the bed where he was sitting on his phone.

he looked up at you, almost feeling bad when you gave him a genuine smile before snuggling up next to him. “whats up?” you say when he doesn’t respond.

“nothing. how was your day?” he quickly asked.

the two of you talked for a while about random stuff, and at some point you went up to kiss his cheek, laughing at a comment he made.

but you freeze when you see a dark, purplish mark on the side of his neck, in plain sight.

you furrowed your brows, wondering how you hadn’t noticed to before.

“katsuki...what’s this?” you ask, making him turn from his phone and look at you.

“what’re ya talkin about dumbass?”

“don’t call me a dumbass, what the hell is this on your neck?” you speak louder, pressing a finger under the mark.

“it’s nothing, probably a bruise from a mission-”

“bakugo.”

the blond widens his eyes at your deep tone and the way you said his name. he never really heard you speak like this unless it was towards a villain. but even then, you never sounded this serious.

“you and i both know that’s not a fucking bruise.”

he stares at you silently, not knowing if he should end the prank or not.

he decides to push on.

“i don’t know what you want me to say.” he shrugs, looking away from you. he couldn’t stand seeing the hurt in your eyes.

you scoff, trying to get rid of the pressure building in you throat. “you really are just a big asshole, aren’t you?”

he stayed quiet. “if you wanted to break up with, you could’ve just told me.” you try so hard to keep your tears at bay, not letting them cross your waterline.

but it feels like a dagger had been stabbed through your heart.

“and to think, i thought you could have actually loved me.” you chuckle darkly before trying to get off the bed.

upon hearing your words, bakugo quickly grabbed your hand, pulling you against him.

“i do love you-”

“let me go you asshole!” you push his chest, tears finally escaping. “we’re done! that’s what you wanted right?”

“y/n it’s not real! calm down.”

he holds your waist so you were sitting on his lap, keeping you still. you look at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about. “what the hell do you mean it’s not real?”

he stared at you for a second, almost scared that if he looked away, you’d be gone. but he eventually reaches to the table beside his bed and grabs a makeup wipe mina lended him. he quickly wiped the mark, staring at you intensely.

“see?” he turns his head, and you find the purple mark gone, only a slight red pigment left from where he wiped so harshly. “fake.” he holds up the wipe so you see the purple stains covering it.

“it was a prank.”

you felt like you could finally breath again, but your relief quickly turned into anger, and you punched bakugo’s chest out of instinct. he didn’t react.

“i hate you. why would you do this?”

“you pranked me last week!” bakugo states, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“i put pink dye in your shampoo katsuki. this was overboard.” you mutter, wiping your cheeks to get rid of sparse tears.

bakugo frowned, feeling even more bad about the whole thing. he had to admit, he took it too far. “you’re right. i’m sorry.” you didn’t respond, but accepted his apology.

“hey.” bakugo lifted your chin to look at him. “you know i love you, right? more than fucking anything.” you nod. “don’t ever doubt my love for you, or i may have to blow myself up for making you feel that way.”

you laugh slightly, bending down so you could hug when, pushing your face into his neck.

“you know i’m getting you back for this.”

kirishima🪨

kirishima often does things without thinking ahead.

not fully comprehending the consequences of his actions.

this was one of those moments.

it was april fools day! great right?

except kiri and the boys made a bet, wondering who could pull the best prank on someone in their class.

kiri took a while thinking about who he should prank. and eventually, a perfect prank to pull on his precious s/o came to mind.

a hickey prank. haha....ha. -_-

he had seen tons of videos where someone made a fake hickey and pranked their s/o with it. he always laughed his ass off at them.

this would be the perfect opportunity!

so he sprinted to ochaco’s back room, hers being the closest, and asked for some makeup he would return quickly.

he went to his room, doing his best at imitating the red, purplish bruise you’d often give each other.

when he thought he did the best he could, he leaves his room, trying to find you so he could get the prank over with.

he sees you in the kitchen, eating a bowl of fruit, chatting with jiro.

he makes his way over slowly, nervousness creeping up his spine with the amount of people in the common area at the moment.

he didn’t want to embarrass you, but he didn’t want to give any of the boys 50 dollars either.

he stood behind you, awkwardly waiting for you to finish talking to jiro.

jiro looks past you, motioning for you to check. you turn, eyes brightening as they land upon your boyfriend.

“hey kiri, what some fruit?” you push the bowl towards him, and he shakes his head with a dopey smile. “no thanks babe. just checking on you.”

you melt at his kind words, about to respond when jiro speaks up beside to. “i think you should be checking on yourself kiri. jeez y/n, are you human or a leech?” she covers her moth to stifle a laugh, pointing to a very specific spot on kiri’s neck.

you halfheartedly laugh, confused, and glanced at the area yourself.

you breath stops when you notice a big purple mark covering the side of his neck.

you didn’t do that to him...

kirishima stands uncomfortably still, not real really knowing what to do this far into the prank.

“kirishima? wha...” you can’t even speak, just utterly astonished at what you’re seeing.

you stare at him and shake your hands, waiting for him to explain himself.

“are you going to say something!?” you ask, the hurt in your voice making his heart break.

he didn’t like this. not at all. why did he do this?

“...fuck you kiri.” you spit, ignoring the fact that you still used his nickname while you were mad at him.

you walked away in a hurry, leaving jiro glaring at kirishima.

“what did you do?” she asked.

“i-it was a joke! a prank! i...it’s april fools!”

“well go tell them that!” jiro says, pushing kiri to go follow you.

kirishima runs after you, getting to you as soon as you enter the elevator to go to your dorm. he sprints inside, crashing into you in the process.

he looks at you with wide eyes when he sees tears running down your face. “why are you here?” you quickly yell.

“y/n it’s a prank! it’s april fools day, please baby! i’m sorry!” he goes to hug you. you don’t return it but you don’t push him away either.

“what the heck eijiro! that wasn’t funny!” you yell in distress. you were happy it wasn’t real, but the feeling from being absolutely heart broken to feeling better in the span of seconds was overwhelming.

“i know. i know it was stupid of me to even attempt this. i made a stupid bet with the others. i am so sorry. you know i’d never do this to you. please, forgive me.” he begs, holding onto you for dear life.

“i’m really upset with you right now, eijiro.”

“you should be. i don’t blame you y/n. but please, don’t leave me.”

you sighed, finally going to hug him back. “i’m not going to leave you kiri. i was scared you were leaving me!”

“i’d never! never in a million years!”

“i know, just don’t do that again. you really scared me.”

he nods against you. “never again.”

shinsou 🌀

shinsou was never good at expressing his emotions.

he was very reserved and even though you were his s/o, you often had trouble figuring out what was going on inside that complicated head of his

so when you laughed at izuku’s jokes, or praised shoto’s quirk

of course he wouldn’t tell you how jealous it made him feel. how it made all his insecurities rise up.

you didn’t mean to make him feel this way, god no. you had known the two boys longer than him and were used to having the comfortable playful conversations with izuku and serious quirk related talks with shoto.

but shinsou didn’t like all the attention you gave them.

and he couldn’t find a way to let you know how he felt that didn’t involve telling you. which he wasn’t going to do.

so he ended up doing the next best thing that came to mind.

make you feel what he was feeling.

he gets some makeup from someone he had already forgotten the name of and went to his dorm, doing his best to make the fake hickey at least a little believable.

he didn’t want the prank to be too serious, just to hit you with a quick realization that you had been making him feel this way.

so he waits for you to meet him in his dorm like you always do, and even leaves the makeup out in the open to see if you’d catch on yourself.

“hellooo my love.” you say cheerfully, and shinso smiled at your happy mood.

“hi y/n. had a good day?” he asked, sitting on the edge of his bed as you approached him, standing between his legs.

“mhm. but i missed you.” you muttered, pushing his face against your stomach as you hugged his head.

hitoshi frowned at your words. maybe this wasn’t a good idea. maybe he’s been overthinking and this stupid prank will just make things worse.

“so, what did you do today-”

you pull back from hitoshi and catch a glimpse of a bruise on his neck. you grip his chin, turning it to the side with slight force and narrow your eyes.

“what happened here?” you asked curiously

“nothing babe.” your boyfriend shrugs

“hitoshi is this a fucking hickey?” you asked after getting a better look, hoping to whatever god there was that his answer would be no.

“what does it look like?”

“don’t talk to me like that, you prick.” you seeth, and push his head away until he falls on his back on the bed.

“we’re over! i hate you.” you say the last part quietly, still not wanting to believe what you saw was real.

“wait y/n, it’s fake!” hitoshi yells before you could leave his dorm.

“how is it fake hitoshi? what, you had no real feelings for the bitch that sucked on your neck? do you think i’m stupid or something?”

“the hickey is fake y/n. i made it.”

you stared at him with deceiving eyes, crossing your arms and tapping your foot. “is this some type of mind joke hitoshi? i told you don’t use that shit on me.”

“please babe, c’mere. wipe it off.”

you slowly made you way back to him, gripping his chin to turn his head again and swiped at the mark. it smeared a little, but didn’t come off. you licked your thumb before rubbing it into the mark, finally making it disappear.

you pushed him back slightly, eyes still angry. “what was that all about? why’d you do that?” you ask.

“just thought it’d be funny.” he lies, looking away from you. you knew he was lying. he always looked directly at you when talking about something. especially something serious.

“do not make me even angrier than i already am shinso. fess up.”

hitoshi groaned, putting his hands over his face before looking at you with tired eyes. “fine, i got jealous of you hanging out and being friendly with midoriya and todoroki. i just wanted to get you back in a way.”

“so you pretend to cheat on me?”

“i’m sorry. it was really immature of me and i should’ve just talked to you. the makeup is right over there if you still need proof.” he points to his desk and glance at it, seeing the makeup sprawled on top.

you sighed, not wanting to forgive him so easily. but you couldn’t help it with the way he rubbed the back of your legs soothingly and looked at you with love filled eyes.

“ugh, you’re lucky i love you.” you state, trying to stop the smile growing on your face as you see him smirk softly.

“and i love you. more than anything. thank you for forgiving me.”

“and...i’ll try not to make you jealous. i really didn’t mean to.” you say, remembering the reason for the whole situation.

hitoshi shook his head. “you can hang out and be friends with whoever you want. i know you wouldn’t leave me or be unfaithful. and i’d never be unfaithful to you. i’m so thankful for you.”

.....

“stop getting all mushy on me.”

i always see hcs where the boys get pranked, i thought it’d be cool to do the reverse. i can still do y/n pranking the boys if you guys would like that! hope you enjoyed this! leave a request here! -> 🥀

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 317: My Boy Was Just Like Me

Previously on BnHA: AFO randomly blew up Lady Nagant as a good reminder of why you should never make a deal with this fucking guy, smdh. Hawks was all “well if it isn’t my two best friends, Deku and Lady Nagant, both of whom I respect and love tremendously.” Everyone was all “??” and Horikoshi was all “shh... just pretend” because it was too embarrassing for him to admit that he forgot to write a couple of set-up flashbacks I guess. Anyway so Hawks got Lady to tell them where AFO was hiding out, and everyone said goodbye to her and Overhaul, who never did get to see his boss (sorry buddy, I’ll send you a vial of my tears in the mail), and headed out to a house in the woods. AFO was all “hello Deku :) :) it sure is fun making you suffer :) :) :) anyways this is a trap”, and blew up the house. Yeah, we all here are getting reaaaaaaaal tired of your shit, AFO.

Today on BnHA: The Hawksquad and Edgeplatoon meet in a warehouse and are all “what should we do about the fact that everything sucks?” Mt. Lady is all “here’s a thought, what if we tried battling AFO with more than six people.” Hawks and Endeavor are all “great initiative, but just a friendly reminder that our friends also suck and would probably betray Deku which would suck further still.” Shouto is all “ANSWER THE PHONE DAD” and Endeavor is all “[IRONICALLY DOESN’T ANSWER THE PHONE].” Meanwhile over in Sadtown, capital of Sadland Prefecture, Japan, Deku is all “All Might, as you can clearly see I am completely fine and good, never been better in fact, definitely not caught up in the throes of an epic mental breakdown which is shutting me down emotionally, anyway so on that note I would like to leave you now goodbye!!” All Might is all “[can’t actually form any words because he’s too distraught].” Fandom is all “o(╥﹏╥)o.” Horikoshi is all “(*＾-’) 乃 [pew pew finger guns and barrel rolls into the darkness].”

sweet jesus lord

this literally doesn’t even look like Deku anymore?? this looks like Dark!Deku who shows up to fight you in that one room in the Water Temple. he looks like he’s about to crawl out of my television set and murder me with his psychic powers good lord

holy shit lmao Horikoshi is really just shrugging his shoulders and resolving last week’s cliffhanger with a single line of dialogue

fire is no one’s weakness. idk what other options you’ve got, AFO, but you’re gonna have to go back to the drawing board. maybe try bees or something. I’m just saying. we’re all expecting fire at this point but nobody is expecting bees

anyway so now they’re all sitting in some warehouse somewhere chatting about it I guess. shoutout to Horikoshi for finally giving my man Edgeshot some more dialogue at long last

well, Edgeshot, to answer your question, she exploded. so naturally she’s fine

nah just kidding, Hawks says she won’t be able to help them out much because she’s recovering from being exploded. this is the part where we all ignore the fact that Hawks got set on fire for like a full ten minutes back during the War arc and was only in the hospital for a day. anyways enjoy your temporary plot hiatus Nagant

man there’s a lot of dialogue here and I’m trying to figure out where to insert commentary but it’s kinda difficult lol. basically, Edge and the others are saying that they should gather up the other remaining heroes and get them all caught up on the whole OFA situation. which, hmmmm

like on the one hand, these guys definitely aren’t going to cut it on their own, so it’s a reasonable suggestion on the face of it. but on the other hand, do we really want to entrust the OFA secret to a bunch of other people, most of whom shat the bed during the War arc to be quite frank? is it really worth the additional risk? especially given that any one of them might go spilling the beans to the public -- or worse, betray them to AFO??

also just a quick side note here, Mt. Lady’s character development never ceases to delight me. she’s become so committed to her responsibility as a hero these days, and it fucking suits her. I genuinely consider to be one of the elites now. I mean it doesn’t hurt that all the other elites are fucking dead lol but still

wait what? Death Arms retired??

Death Arms as in the guy who was too afraid of a little fire to try and save a terrified 14-year-old kid who was slowly suffocating right before his eyes?? that Death Arms???? color me surprised. shocked, I tell you

...okay but holy fuck

Death Arms. bro. my expectations for you were low but holy shit. like I’m sorry, but I don’t even have it in me to try and pretend like I feel the slightest bit of sympathy for him or Old Man Samurai or any of those other guys today. thanks for a whole lot of nothing my dude. good riddance

(ETA: so I’m rereading this the next day and realize this comes off as kind of harsh, so let me just try to clarify. it’s not the fact that he’s quitting that bothers me, to be honest. it’s the fact that he’s quitting specifically because he feels like the public is being mean to him. that’s it.

seriously. it would be one thing if he was quitting because he was scared, because now that is human. nobody wants to die, and I doubt any amount of training can ever fully prepare someone to go up against that fear. but the thing is, he never once mentions that, or talks about the danger aspect. instead, I got the distinct vibe from this speech that Death Arms is one of those people who only became a hero because of the limelight. and I just don’t have any patience for that. if all you care about are likes and subscribes then go become a fucking youtuber or some shit. nothing wrong with that! but you didn’t; you signed up to be a hero and protect these people. they gave you their respect and admiration because they trusted you to protect them. and now that they’re no longer in the mood to worship and applaud your every move on account of them being scared shitless because they’re living in the literal end times, you decide to dip. so like okay, fine then. don’t let the door hit you on the way out. anyways lol sorry for the rant.)

anyway so yeah. perfect example of why I don’t exactly have a ton of faith in most of the remaining heroes out there lol. also let me just once again give a shoutout to my best girl Mt. Lady whom I suddenly find myself appreciating all the more

“please calm down makeste. drink some water and enjoy this fresh new jeans pun” listen Horikoshi don’t tell me what to do dammit

fine. it is a nice pun, I guess

-- damn so now Endeavor’s saying that the media is already being fed info by the retired heroes. so for some of these guys it wasn’t enough for them to abandon all the people they swore to protect and to leave their fellow heroes out in the cold; they decided they might as well actively make things worse for them while they were at it, huh. like I get wanting to spill all the dirty secrets from your old job that you just quit, but this isn’t Jeff Bezos you’re screwing over, this is a sixteen-year-old kid

-- like, yes!! this, right here!!

exactly!! let’s not forget that there are already two prior instances of this happening. Endeavor arguably deserved it, but Katsuki not so much

huh. Endeavor seems to have a more optimistic outlook regarding this than I do lol

I mean, this is the same public that didn’t hesitant to blame a kidnapped child for his own kidnapping, and then later on for being the downfall of the Symbol of Peace. but okay then

anyway so blah blah blah, more talk about how they need to use Deku as bait, which basically puts them back at square one, and then they’re all just trailing off into silence and sitting around in the dark lmao this is getting very depressing

SKDJFLSDKJ:LFKJ

SHOUTO?????

NOOOOOOOO ARE YOU KIDDING ME

OH HOW THE TURNTABLES OMG. THE GHOSTER HAS BECOME THE GHOSTEE. Endeavor you petty son of a bitch. and what a brutal cut to that flashback too. “let’s stop Touya together” nah Shouto I’ve got a better idea why don’t I abandon you in U.A. and sally off with Hawks and Jeanist to found the “let’s pretend like we’re doing something to help Deku” club, which basically consists of us sitting around making terrible decisions all day long

Shouto, honey. you deserve better my little Coca Cola can. .........but if you really do have something important you need to tell your dad you could just text it to him. all the love and support, hugs and kisses, you’re doing amazing sweetie. but if you need to pass on any vital information you can just write it down and hit send honey that’s all I’m saying love

now he’s getting another call?? -- or, no, Hawks is getting a call from All Might

ARE YOU FOR REAL HAWKS OMFG

so while you all were sitting around talking about how useless you are, the kid you’re supposed to be protecting was battling another hired gun. I see. please pardon me for one second, I have a phone call to make. the phone call is to RockLockRock and Manual. the reason for the call is to apologize for calling them the worst bodyguards ever back during the War arc. the reason for the apology is because it turns out I WAS SEVERELY MISTAKEN OMFG

JESUS CHRIST DEKU DID YOU JUST KILL THIS MAN LMAO

shoutout to Horikoshi for offscreening this fight. we get it, lol. Deku strong and scary, villains ineffectual and feeble, and AFO... [checks notes] yep, still a dick. the angst arc continues

-- the angst arc continues, SIR

jesus christ I may have to rethink all of my opinions about Deku being framed for murder in movie 3 lmao. never mind. he did it, your honor

holy fucking shit Deku. “he might blow up, so please be careful” fdlskjflk jlskdjflk lwkejflk anyway so I’ve decided the explosion running gag can stay, actually

DEKU WAIT YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCH!!

lol why do I get the feeling some serious shit is about to go down. ALL MIGHT NEVER MIND BACK OFF I THINK HE NEEDS HIS SPACE

OH MY FUCK I GASPED OUT LOUD

NO NO NO. I KNEW THIS WAS COMING GODDAMMIT BUT NO. NEVER MIND, I CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT IT, I’M NOT READY TO CRY TODAY

shit. shit shit shit shit and OF COURSE all I can fucking think about is that stupid fucking prophecy and gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Deku please. please please please if you really are going to leave All Might here, please be so very careful in choosing your farewell words to him now because have this sudden horrible fear that this might be the last time you ever see him alive and oh god. oh god oh god

DEKU NO, YOU’RE REALLY NOT!?!?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE LESS FINE IN MY LIFE, ACTUALLY????

holy shit. and the fucking callback to the prophecy now. just in case we forgot. WHICH FYI, WE DIDN’T. but that’s basically confirming that this is all still very much on the table and HORIKOSHI NEVER FORGETS oh my god someone please hold me

and the fact that Deku’s flashing back to it now too, though?? because he never forgot either, because of course he didn’t, and now all this stuff is happening, and AFO’s words are getting to him, and this is literally his worst fear come to life and so of course he’s distancing himself from everyone, and now it’s finally come to even this. even the person he admires most

-- OKAY NO, FUCKING COME ON ALREADY I CAN’T TAKE THIS

I GET IT OH MY GOD, I ALREADY UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF THIS MOMENT WITHOUT ALL OF THE DEVASTATING FLASHBACKS THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!! YOU ACTUALLY DO WANT ME TO CRY, HUH, IS THAT IT. THIS MAN THAT HE THINKS OF AS A FATHER, THIS MAN WHO HAS BEEN EVERYTHING TO HIM SINCE HE WAS A VERY YOUNG CHILD. EVERYTHING THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH, JUXTAPOSED AGAINST EVERYTHING DEKU IS UP AGAINST, EVERYTHING THAT’S AT RISK. LET’S JUST PUT IT ALL SIDE BY SIDE. LET’S JUST PILE ON ALL OF THE FEELS

(ETA: just a quick note that even though some of the posts I’ve read have described these as All Might’s flashbacks, I’m pretty sure they are Deku’s. most of these are scenes that only he was there for, so yeah. even though All Might is the one thinking the thoughts on the next page, the flashbacks are what’s running through Deku’s mind right now, and so we’re getting that emotion from both of them, which makes it extra devastating lol.)

wait, what???

WHAT??? do you really think that’s why he’s been so determined to protect you this entire time?? simply because you’re his successor?

-- oh no wait lol I think I got that mixed up, this is All Might saying that Deku feels the need to protect him. well that makes more sense lol

oh my god I cannot

his last words. his last words to him. and we can’t even see if he is smiling, like All Might always encouraged him to do. but what are the odds he can’t actually bring himself to do it. what are the odds he’s actually crying. oh god this scene is going to rip my heart out and STOMP on it in the anime isn’t it. Deku’s VA is going to full on murder me with emotion. not that there’ll be much of me left to murder after the thorough job that Horikoshi has already done here

YOU’RE CRYING. DEKU IS LEAVING ALL MIGHT AND IGNORING HIS OUTSTRETCHED HAND AND YOU’RE CRYING. AND BY “YOU” I MEAN “ME”, FUCK

nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope no words just feels just a big ol’ pile of feels. I do not have the strength. future me... [broadly gestures] good luck with all that

(ETA: LOL, WELL THEN.

what breaks my heart here is All Might. All Might, and everything he’s been through, and history repeating itself, and forcing him to live this moment from both sides because he wasn’t strong enough to fix things.

Toshinori had only just turned eighteen when Nana died. like, I feel like we don’t mention this enough. the All Might we know is a sixty-something-year-old man, and so everyone always talks about him like he’s basically been an adult forever. but he was a child when he met Nana. and he was still just a child when she died. barely a year older than Deku is now. younger than Mirio was when we first met him.

and we don’t talk about that. we don’t talk about how devastating that was for him. and we don’t talk about how the reason he grew up to become so reserved and withdrawn -- for all that he always tried so hard to outwardly project the image of a bold, confident, smiling hero -- was specifically because of what AFO did to him. because AFO targeted him in the exact way that he is now targeting Deku. because that’s what he does. he goes after every new user of OFA, and he finds out what’s most important to them, and then he destroys it. and for Toshinori, that was Nana. if you’ve read All Might Rising, you know that AFO basically killed her in front of him (and only killed her, while letting Toshinori and Gran get away). Toshinori (while crying) later says she was like a mother to him. and interestingly enough, during this same conversation, Gran tells Toshinori that he can see “that madness in [his] eyes” when Toshi talks about becoming strong enough to defeat AFO. madness in his eyes. sound familiar??

what’s happening to Deku now is the exact same thing that happened to Toshinori when he was a boy. AFO tried every bit as hard to break him as he’s trying with Deku now. “the path you’ve chosen is a thorny one. every battle grinds away at your soul with no end in sight.” we don’t talk about how Toshinori experienced this same thing for forty fucking years. and all the while isolating himself, exactly like Deku is doing now. pushing people away, exactly like Deku. because he never had anyone who was able to reach out and pull him back. and those words that he now finds himself frozen and unable to speak -- “don’t push yourself”; “you can rest” -- are the same words that no one ever said to him until decades later, when it was already far too late to make any difference.

everything that Deku is experiencing now is what Toshinori also went through. and it’s only now, as he watches it happen to his student, the boy he loves like a son, that he’s finally starting to realize the full extent of how wrong it was. you shouldn’t have to fight alone. you shouldn’t have to bear that kind of enormous burden alone. you shouldn’t have to push yourself, and you can rest. you can rest.

but it’s too late. just as he’s finally coming to understand it all, it’s all too fucking late. and he can’t say the words, he doesn’t know how to say the words, and then just like that, Deku is gone.

and he’s alone. again.)

I can’t. this can’t be their goodbye. I’m not ready. for this to be how they finally part, and then they never see each other again except in OFA. how is that fair. how is that fair. how is that fair

fuck me. lol. how many pages are left in this thing. let’s just wrap this up lol. so now of all the times for this fucking guy to finally show up

I can’t believe Stain has been here literally this entire time hiding behind this random wall and cutting onions. that was you who was cutting the onions, right. no need to answer that we’ll just say it was

HORIKOSHI JUST END THE CHAPTER PLEASE I’M OUT OF SPOONS. YOU HURT ME SO GOOD AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT BUT YOU NEED TO LET ME GO NOW SO I CAN BEGIN THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO PUT MY LIFE BACK IN ORDER HERE. SO WHERE ARE WE CUTTING TO NOW WHAT IS HAPPENING

Stain did you also let AFO give you a new quirk. what’s with you guys. do you like blowing up

oh nvm lol because they were talking about THIS GUY ohhhhhh my fucking god

THAT’S BECAUSE HE’S SAD, LINDA!! jesus

omfg. and so yes, good, the chapter is ending here now on page 15. for once I am FULLY on board with that lmao

anyway so tune in next week for more adventures of Werewolf Deku!! that is, assuming we don’t finally cut back to U.A. at long last, which is actually a strong possibility considering that this chapter will likely mark the end of volume 31. it sure wouldn’t kill Horikoshi to start giving us some hope after everything he’s just put us through lol. KACCHAN COME GET YA BOY

[squishneedsahero]

Maybe It Isn’t all Bad

Awesomest of Them All 2.0

Part 2 of 13

Word Count: 1714

Batman x Batmom!Reader

You know what the bat family needs? Someone to pull them together and give them all the love they deserve. Who better to do that than you? An author rising to stardom in Gotham who catches the eye of a billionaire with your standoffish attitude at a huge social gathering. You are yourself and never pretend to be more or less than that. Plus you're the most stubborn person in the world, refusing to let good things go without reason.

This is a rewrite of my story Awesomest of Them All, I wanted to see how much I've improved over 3 years.

It had been two months since you published your book, and it had taken off. Tons of people loved it and even more had read it. Because of this you were suddenly a popular public figure of Gotham, and of course like all other public figures you were invited to one of the many galas that happen in this city. You hated it. You, y/n l/n the nobody who lived in a shabby apartment and just happened to get lucky with your book. What you wouldn't give to go back to being a nobody so you could spend your Friday night watching Netflix alone on your couch.

Unfortunately you weren't sure how the snobby rich people,who thought they were better than everyone else, would take you rejecting their invitation the first of probably many. But this was a charity gala hosted by Bruce Wayne: play boy, billionaire, and one of the few people present that seems somewhat genuine even if you didn't think he had a single thought behind his eyes. So maybe it wasn't all bad cause all the rich people were donating to charity and Bruce usually made sure the money went somewhere good.

You had worn an elegant gown, preferring it to the ones that let your ass hang out the bottom. The dress was fabulously elegant and made you feel like a queen. You had paired it with your your highest high heels, stilettos that you could stab someone with if it came down to it. So far the night had been filled with pointless conversations and lots and lots of introductions, all while dancing a waltz.

Lets be honest you won't remember most of the new people you had met, you could've met the Queen of England and not have known it. You didn't remember not because you had been drinking, even if you had thought about it many times, but because there were so many people that wanted to get you and your new found popularity under their thumb and gain through you.

You had finally gotten a break by standing by the buffet table and eating the food they seemed to be letting go to waste. If nothing else you would singlehandedly make sure the food didn't get wasted. You kept trying to think of an excuse to go home, but so far couldn't think of anything. Your planning was interrupted when yet another person came up to you, except his face is somewhat familiar. "Hi," you say after you hurriedly swallow a bite of food.

"Hello, Miss (y/n) (l/n)," he begins, knowing your name but you not knowing his, "may I have this dance?" He asks, great another dance luckily you were used to being on your feet thanks to waitressing otherwise you'd be worried about them falling off with all this meaningless dancing. Why couldn't rich people be more fun with their dancing, most of them were white, playing some pop songs, and the Cupid Shuffle could only make things better.

"Yes, Mister..." you pause as you try to place him, you know you know him but you'd seen so many faces like that tonight that it was a blur.

"Wayne," He finishes for you.

"I'd love to dance with you Mr.Wayne," you lie through that smile that was plastered to your face. You offer your hand and wish desperately you had taken your chance to escape when you'd had it only moments before.

He takes the hand you offer to him and leads you out to the dance floor, waltzing yet again, at least you didn't have to lead cause you had no idea what you were doing. "My son read your book," he begins, trying to start up a friendly conversation, "he's keeps trying to convince me to read it."

"That's nice," you respond awkwardly, what were you supposed to do? Try to convince him to read it too? Hell no, you are not going to act like an airhead and promote yourself.

"He doesn't know that I've already read it," Bruce says. You laugh before you can stop yourself, you almost apologize but he laughs as well. "I enjoyed reading it, it was very well written." Maybe he did actually have real thoughts in his head unlike how the media portrayed him.

"Thank you," you say a slight blush making is way onto your cheeks. He was quite attractive after all and here he was complimenting you. The smile on your lips becomes more genuine as the two of you continue dancing, making light conversation, and surprisingly it was quite enjoyable.

Before you know it the party is over. And you'd spent almost half of it dancing with one man. "Thank you for the dance."

"It was my pleasure," he says, and you find yourself blushing for the millionth time that night. Maybe these parties weren't all bad, you'd found a friend you could have intelligent conversations with after all.

You find yourself invited to almost every gala that happens in the city over the next few months and every time Bruce is there the two of you spend most of the time dancing and talking with each other. The conversations between the two of you are pleasant, covering many topics, and most importantly they aren't meaningless like all the other conversations you were forced into at galas.

Bruce would get your opinion on things such as how the money he got for charity should be spent since you had been more recently living among the people he was trying to help. Like you weren't bad off by any means but you hadn't owned a car, relying on bus routes to get around the city and working 40+ hours a week to keep your head above water. You had been better off than many in Gotham but you had been closer to the poverty than Bruce had, even considering his night job. The fact that he genuinely cared and wanted your opinion amazed you. He was the first and probably only friend you made among the one percent at those parties.

Of course the two of you didn't only talk business, other more casual subjects came up. The two of you bonding over having dead parents, even if he was more traumatized and your wounds more recent. Then talking about school and how you had decided to skip college in order to pursue writing while he had been homeschooled then traveled the world instead of college, not that either of you were too old for college though. He was was 23-24, still young despite having adopted an 8 almost 9 year old and you were close to the same age as him.

The both of you being young, and single, did lead the two of you to have more than a friendship but that was after nearly a year of just talking at galas. Okay a year of just talking was a lie. It was probably only six months before the two of you found yourselves out in a garden and shared your first kiss. But it was an entire year before he finally asked you out, claiming it was a dare from Dick and to ease the pressure of the press.

You of course called him on those lies and pointed out the fact that there had not been a single other woman in his life since the two of you met. And said the only way you'd go out with him was if he'd, "just admit you like me." Needless to say he did.

That was part of the reason that he was so attracted to you. Despite what he knew about you from the one day he saved you from Joker, you were just unafraid to be yourself. You had never pretended or tried to pretend to fit in at the galas. You'd never been afraid to call him on his shit, even if it had risked your one friendship that made those galas bearable.

To your surprise when you had called him a dumbass for thinking it was acceptable to give a 9 year old unlimited access to the internet he laughed and said you were probably right. Then for some reason he thought it was a good idea to ask you for parenting advice and you told him that was a worse idea. You had less of an idea how to be a parent than he did, the only reason a 9 year old shouldn't have unlimited internet access was because he was a bit young to already get unrealistic expectations from porn. Mainly you had no idea, it just felt weird to turn a kid loose on the internet but then again you'd been a kid who ate mud and called it fun.

So, all the talking and asking opinions and just spending a ton of time together leads to Bruce asking you out. The press saw this coming from miles away and caught you both on your date, not that they didn't have pictures of the two of you hiding from people on a balcony. But an actual date?!? Amazing! All the internet fans were happy for you, the paparazzi loved you and would do anything to get pictures of the two of you.

The two of you became Gotham's it couple overnight but the best thing about it was that it was real. Both of you were blatantly honest, calling each other out when needed and defending each other at other moments. There were no secrets between the both of you and you wouldn't trade that for anything. It was amazing to you that you had finally found a man who saw you as his equal and if anything he was a man known for being a womanizer.

So that's how it all started, in the space of a year the two of you fell in love and were head over heels for each other. Dick played match maker every chance he got, since he adored you for some odd reason. And of course, when you finally met him Alfred approved of you and Bruce being together, the one person able to call him on his shit and have him listen. It was a miracle that Alfred had thought he'd never love to see.

[axoxtxhxh]

First Date with the Vets - Miche

Big shoutout to @chaotic-nick for making this lovely banner for me!

Overall Summary: I had this idea to do a first date with the vets and what it would be like. I am including Erwin, Levi, Miche, and Hange in this list. Each date will be different, but all of them will be set in modern au.

Check out Erwin’s story here, Levi’s story here, and Hange’s story here

Pairing: Miche x Fem!Reader

Content: Nearly all fluff

Word Count: ~ 8,000

Summary: You sign up for a cooking class with your friend only to have her ditch you, but things look up when a handsome stranger volunteers to be your partner.

This was fair. This was totally fair and you deserved every second of this embarrassment for what you did to your best friend, Fen. No matter though. You stood there, thankfully in the back, of your first couples cooking class, but you were missing the couple part. You let out a huff of air and leaned over the counter. You definitely deserved this.

“Alright class!” The instructor walked in. An older blonde woman, swung her arms excitedly while she walked to the center of the room. “Everyone ready to cook?”

Everyone in the room chanted ‘yeah!’ in unison and you looked around, wondering if you’d walked into a cult meeting. How did they all know to say that? More importantly, why didn’t you? Even more importantly, Fen wouldn’t have signed you up for a cult, would she? You at least knew you didn’t deserve that.

You looked around at the other couples in the class and sighed. What a terrible reminder that you were single. It’s fine though, it’s fine. This would be quick, possibly fun, and then you could go home and eat ice cream while you catch up on your favorite show. It wouldn’t be so bad.  You’ve had to sit through a lot worse. This was one cooking class.

“Today, we’re making…” The instructor paused as if she was waiting for a drumroll to start. And honestly, you were surprised the enthusiastic couples didn’t make one for her. “Vietnamese Spring Rolls!”

She opened up the little laminated pamphlet she had in front of her so everyone could see a picture. Everyone clapped while they ‘ooh’ed and ‘ahh’ed at the picture. You brought your hand to your head, second-hand embarrassment flooding your system. You needed to stop. This could be fun, but your bad attitude wasn’t going to help. You tried to focus on enjoying yourself and stood up straight, focusing again on the instructor.

“We’re going to get to eat things like—" she crouched down as if she was hunting and you tried so hard to hold a neutral face and remain interested “—shrimp, bell peppers, and even rice vermicelli!”

You started clapping, anticipating the excited students moves and wanting to join in. Except this time, for some reason, no one clapped and everyone looked at you. You wanted to die. You shrunk back into yourself and tried not to look around the room, hoping that maybe people would forget you existed. There was a man in the corner that caught your attention. He gave you a thumbs up and smiled, but you quickly looked away, needing to be invisible. Yep, this is what you deserved.

The instructor continued reading from her pamphlet, telling the whole class about the amazing spring rolls and things to remember when we’re cooking. You tried your best to concentrate, but you could tell you were starting to lose focus and daydream.

She talked about the red bell pepper and the difference between a male pepper and female pepper and you started worrying that everything in this class was going to relate to being a couple. Even the freaking pepper had a partner. You shook your head, looking back at the instructor and watched her take a bite of one of the peppers, squealing at the delicious flavor.

The problem wasn’t because you couldn’t find your perfect partner, you just didn’t want to settle. So many people settled these days, you didn’t want to be one of them. You were happy the way things were with you. Besides, if you were in a relationship, he could be one of those guys that liked doing things like this and then you’d have to join cult cooking classes regularly.

You broke from your daydream, shaking your head and focusing back on the instructor. Yeah, you just weren’t settling. You looked around the room at the other couples again, everyone’s arm around each other, squeezing each other’s shoulders in fondness. The guy in the corner who gave you the thumbs up caught your eye again. He was crossing his arms and looking at you and smiling. Not like a friendly smile, but a smile where he caught you doing something that you didn’t want anyone to see and it creeped you out and worried you. You looked back to the instructor, a little more anxious about his eyes on you.

“Alright couples! Now that you know what to do, let’s get started!” The instructor jogged up to her little kitchen in the front and started setting her things up, turning on music and expecting everyone to follow.

“Hi.” A deep, raspy voice spoke from behind you and you jumped, turning around. It was thumbs up guy.

“H—hi.” He was taller than he looked from across the room. Much taller. He was also much better looking. Like, dreamboat, hunky, drop-dead gorgeous, good-looking. He had those really light blue eyes that had you struggling to look directly into them.

“I uh… I noticed you don’t have a partner.” His hand moved a piece of his dirty blonde hair behind his ears, a piece that didn’t fit into the small bun he had in the back, then rubbed the back of his head. “I’m also partner-free. Maybe we can work together?”

“What happened to your partner?” You were unpacking the ingredients from the bag on your counter as you looked up at him.

“I came without one.” He smiled shyly.

“You came to a couple class without a partner?” You questioned, pausing your unpacking to focus on him.

“Didn’t you do the same thing?” He teased. You opened your mouth to defend yourself, but realized it didn’t even matter. He was right. You were also partner-less in a couple class.

“I guess you’re right.” You laughed. “Okay, partners it is.”

“Great!” He quickly moved backwards to grab his stuff from his table and you resumed checking your inventory. “I’m Miche, by the way.”

You looked up and he was back, holding his hand out for you. You took it.

“Y/N.”

He moved back to his table and you watched him grab his black leather jacket and a backpack. Of course he would be wearing a black leather jacket. He had this whole rocker look going on that you definitely didn’t hate, but it was a bit predictable. He set his stuff down with yours and rolled up the sleeves of his sweatshirt to wash his hands.

You watched him pump soap onto his hands and lather them up. He had pretty nice hands. They looked strong. Most of him looked strong though, but there was something about his hands that seemed really strong. You were starting to get lost in watching the soap lather up and roll away, the white bubbles disappearing as they slipped over the thick veins in his hands. You had no idea what his job was, but if you had to guess, it was something with his hands. Thick fingers, protruding veins, calloused palms when you shook his hand, definitely construction.

“So what made you come here partner-less, Y/N?” His question woke you from your daydream and you looked at him as he dried those strong hands.

“You first.”

“Me?” He turned around and leaned against the ledge of the counter, crossing his arms. “It was sort of an accident.”

“How so?”

“Well I try to take one of these classes a couple times a month. Not the couple one,” he corrected with a laugh, “but the regular one.”

A regular attendant of the cult cooking classes. Of course.

“Why do you take them so often?” You pulled out the knives and the cutting boards.

“Single guy, living alone. I got sick of eating garbage every night.” He bent down to help you pull out the tools you needed. “I’m actually pretty good with breads, but that class was full. That’s why I’m here.”

“A breads class would have been fun.” You spoke, but your mind was still stuck on the ‘single guy’ part.

“It’s tons of fun. There’s one open in a couple weeks, you should join it with me.” He smiled and you realized that even his smile was beautiful. It’s weird that from across the room he looked a bit creepy, but now he was nothing but charming. “Your turn.”

You both unloaded your armful of utensils and bowls from your arms and you considered how much of the real story you wanted to share with him. Did you really need a guy this good-looking, with this much potential so far, judging you?

“I kind of pissed off my best friend and she tricked me into coming here so she could ditch me.” Not really a lie, but certainly not the full truth.

“That’s some friend.”

“No, she is honestly a great friend. She really is.” You sighed. It wasn’t fair to give him a bad impression. You shrugged your shoulders and paused for a second. “I deserved it.”

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this.” He organized everything on the counter so there was a cutting board and knife in front of each of you. Bowls were set behind the cutting boards and he moved the pan over to the stove.

“I don’t even know you. Why would I tell you my problems?” You crossed your arms and smiled at him, secretly enjoying the fact that he seemed quite interested.

“I am the exact person to tell. I will automatically be on your side.” You thought about what he said, a scrutinizing look on your face. “I’m not wrong.”

“You’re not.”

“Alright, let’s hear it then.” He mirrored your crossed arms.

“Okay, but let’s start making the sauce before we fall behind.”

You started reading the list and handed Miche the ingredients. Both of you measured them out and Miche mixed it all together.

“So, my friend, Fen—”

“Already don’t like her.”

“Hey!” You quickly looked at him and he laughed.

“I’m kidding. I’m kidding.” He laughed, whisking the sauce in the small bowl and shaking his head.

You heard him mumbling something to himself, but couldn’t quite make out what it was. You could have sworn he said ‘so fucking cute’ but that didn’t make sense to you. Unless he was talking to the sauce. Even that didn’t make sense. You looked away quickly, biting your lip and moving some vegetables around the table awkwardly.

“You definitely have your friend’s back.” Miche continued, stopping his whisking to look at you. “So far, you seem like a great friend to me.”

You took a deep breath, hoping he couldn’t feel the heat coming from your face when you turned back to look at him.

“Well, you haven’t heard the worst part.” You continued. “Fen invited me to a work party. She sort of has this thing with her coworkers.”

“What kind of thing?”

“She hates them all.”

“Nice.” He laughed again. You’ve never giggled before. At least not that typical girly giggle that women do in movies when they’re flirting, but man did he make you want to giggle when he laughed. You held back and stuck with biting your lip.

“So I may have promised her I would go with her to make it a little easier, but last minute I got tickets to this concert.” You were doing your best to focus on your fingers lightly pulling on the stem of the bell pepper and not on the beautiful man standing next to you whose eyes you could feel looking at you.

“Oh.”

“So, I maybe… kind of…” The pepper was in your hands now, shifting from one hand to the other as you spoke. “… texted her right before the party and told her that I couldn’t go.”

You looked up at him slowly, his eyes were on you, slightly narrowed and he looked back to the bowl of sauce he had been whisking.

“Damn, you are a bad friend.” He shook his head.

“You said you would be on my side!” Your mouth dropped open and he threw his head back laughing as you stared at him and jokingly pushed him away from you.

“I’m sorry, I’m only kidding.” He put his hands up, still laughing. “Everyone’s done something like that before.”

“Yeah, well, she isn’t talking to me now.” You turned back to the vegetables on the table.

“I’m sure she will if you give her time.” He bumped his hip into yours and set the bowl on the counter in between where you both were standing and your eyes were drawn to his bracelet.

“I appreciate that.” You nodded, looking back up at him. “Oh! You know who is talking to me?”

“Who’s that?”

“The year 2004. It wants its leather cuff back.” You pointed to his wrist.

“Ah, very nice.” He laughed and looked down at his bracelets. “Well see, these are glued on.”

“Oh, are they?” He rotated his arms so you could see both sides of the cuffs.

“Yeah, I was pretty badass when I was younger.” He joked, taking a step closer to you.

“Mhm.” You laughed lightly, words were becoming more difficult to think of as he got closer, the heat from his body reaching yours without even needing to touch you.

“So yeah, they can’t come off now.” He smiled and you slowly looked up to him. “Permanent fixture.”

He wasn’t standing over you, but he was definitely leaning over you and you could feel the pressure of his size. You sucked in a quick breath of air, unable to think of anything other than just how close he was to you as he moved his hands to rest on either side of you, lowering himself so his face was level with yours.

“Cute.” Your bottom lip slipped in between your teeth. At this rate your lip would be bleeding by the end of the class.

His smile grew and in this position it would have honestly been incredibly uncomfortable if it weren’t for the genuine comfort you felt constantly rolling off of him. You sucked in another breath and smiled at him. He was about to take a step closer until the instructor’s voice caught the attention of both of you and you turned to look at her.

“I see some of you out there getting closer!” She walked the length of her table, and went back to chopping. “This is what cooking is about! Being close to your partner, really tasting the food. It’s a sensual experience. You need to feel the cooking with your partner!”

You noticed Miche removing his hands from resting on the counter and turning to stand next to you, starting to chop the bell pepper to follow the instructor. You moved over to your cutting board to do the same.

“No one here should be feeding themselves!” The instructor started moving around again, lifting her arms in a gesture to show she wanted more. “All of the ingredients are fresh and juicy and delicious! Let your partner taste it from you!”

You were about to start laughing, turning back to the red onion you were chopping when you felt Miche staring again. Ignoring it was your first thought, but when he shifted his position, leaning his back against the cutting board, you couldn’t help but look up.

He was holding a small sliver of bell pepper in his hand and holding it up to you.

“I—uh… we don’t have to do that.” You spoke, flustered, looking back at your cutting board.

“Come on.” “We’re not even a couple, we don’t have to follow what she says. It’s more for the other people here.” You gestured with your knife to the other couples feeding each other.

“Something tells me even if we were a couple, you would still argue against this.” He put his hand on yours and you stopped chopping, your eyes moving to his. “You don’t get chances like this often. Live a little.”

You weren’t sure what he meant by ‘chances like this’ but whatever he meant by it, he was right. It was easy to forget that a lot of the time, especially for you. You had a tendency to take things too seriously and when you were uncomfortable, which was quite often, you passed up ‘chances like this’, chances to have fun, chances to try something new, chances to get fed by a cute guy you just met. It was strange that Miche had already figured that out that about you.

He moved the bell pepper towards you and back away in a little dance of temptation and it made you laugh. You sighed, resisting the urge to roll your eyes and you opened your mouth.

“Wait, do you want to try it with the sauce?” He asked as he pulled the vegetable away from you.

“Might as well.” You shrugged. He scooped a small amount of the peanut sauce onto the pepper and cupped his hand under it as he lifted it to your mouth. He had a weird look on his face as he watched you chew. You couldn’t tell if he wanted you to like the sauce or wanted you to like the fact that he fed you. “It’s good.”

You’ve had peanut sauce before, but this one tasted different. It wasn’t bad, but it certainly wasn’t something you wanted to be sticking plain bell peppers in. You had to admit though, the instructor was right, the bell pepper really was juicy and getting it fed to you was pretty nice too.

“My turn.” He smiled and nudged your cutting board closer to you to feed him. You looked at him confused.

“You want me to feed you an onion?”

“With sauce, please.” He opened his mouth, lowering himself down a little. It made no sense to you but you weren’t really going to judge him. You picked up a slice of onion and scooped some sauce, slowly carrying it to his mouth.

You watched as his face started out happy and then switched to confused as he chewed more. From there it moved to almost disgust and you saw his nostrils flare as he finally swallowed.

“That’s not right.” He coughed, drinking a sip of water.

“You ate it with an onion, Miche.” You laughed.

“I think it’s the sauce.” He scooped a tiny bit on his finger and tasted it, his face immediately puckering.

“It wasn’t that bad.” You leaned forward to smell it.

“No, it’s definitely the sauce. Here, try it.” He scooped some sauce on his finger and brought it to your mouth. You were about to taste it, but stopped, looking at the sauce on his finger and then to his face. As the smile grew on your face, his smile grew as well.

“You really thought I would fall for this?” Shaking your head, you turned back to your cutting board and he laughed.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t realize what I was doing until after my finger was in your mouth.” He laughed again, licking the sauce off his finger. “The sauce is actually pretty good.”

“So what is it that you do?” You asked him, not looking up from your onion.

“I’m a drummer.” He finished washing his hands and leaned against the counter next to you.

“I mean, like your job.”

“I’m a drummer.” He laughed and you looked up, staring at him.

“Oh, you’re serious? I’m sorry. I thought you were being funny because the leather cuff thing.” You hoped your face wasn’t radiating as much heat as you felt like it was and that he couldn’t feel it.

“I like to think I’m funnier than that.” He laughed, crossing his arms. You could feel him looking at you again. “I get it though. Not a lot of people see it as a real job.”

“No, no, I—” You saw him smiling at you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Ugh, I’m sorry.”

You set the knife down and closed your eyes. Perfect. You’ve insulted him. Sometimes you wondered why you bothered opening your mouth at all, stumbling over your words, saying things that come out rude. You’ve barely known him for twenty minutes and you’ve already offended him.

“I’m just teasing you.” He tapped your foot lightly with his. “You should come to a show. My band is playing in town tonight.”

“I should. It’s the least I can do.” The moment you said it, you knew how it sounded and you tried to correct yourself.

“The least you can do?” His eyes widened and he laughed. “Don’t do me any favors.”

“No, I know how that sounded. It’s not—I don’t pity—it’s not out of pity… oh my gosh.” You covered your face with your hands and faced the counter. Miche was cracking up next to you.

“I’m not offended, Y/N.” He tapped your shoulder. “Stop hiding.”

“It’s like I have a permanent foot in my mouth. I’m sorry.”

“Damn, you’re fun to tease.” He smiled and you stood up straight, taking a deep breath trying to pull yourself together a bit. You watched him lean over the counter and rest on his elbows, looking back at you. “What is it you do?”

“It’s not as interesting as being a drummer.” You leaned over the counter with him. “I’m a children’s book author.”

“Oh wow, not what I was expecting. How long have you been doing that?”

“Wait, what were you expecting?”

“Nothing, honestly. I just don’t meet a lot of authors.” You gave him a look with narrowed eyes. It was only fair that he offend you at that point. It wouldn’t be the first time that someone looked at your face and wondered how someone who looked so cold could write children’s books, but most people judged you too soon anyway. “Really, I wasn’t expecting anything. So how long have you been an author?”

“It’s basically been my only job. I wrote my first book when I was seventeen.” You shrugged. “So that’s, what?”

You did the math in your head. Math has never been something you’ve been good at. Miche was watching you try to add the small numbers in your head and laughed.

“You need help getting there?” He teased.

“Shut up.” You laughed. Math was hard. “Seventeen. Seventeen years.”

“I think you’re a little off.”

“Am I? Thirty-four minus seventeen is seventeen, right?”

“You’re thirty-four?” He stood up straight, his eyes wide. “I thought you were like twenty-five.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.” You smiled, knowing that’s not what he meant, but also wanting to enjoy being the teaser for once.

“No, not a disappointment at all.” He smiled and rubbed the back of his head. “Y—you… you look great.”

“Thank you.” That smile really did a number on you because you sat there staring at him until at some point you realized that twenty minutes had gone by and you both really hadn’t done anything as far as cooking. “We should probably keep cooking.”

You both went back to your cutting boards and continued working. Miche finished slicing the bell peppers and you noticed that he was staring at you quite a bit more than before. Not just that, but he was also moving closer to you. It’s not that you were complaining at all. Honestly, you were very okay with it, you were just wondering what the change was. You finished your onion, moving to boil the water for the rice vermicelli and starting on the cabbage.

Miche reached around you for the carrot, his chest pressed against your back, he set his hand on your upper arm and you looked up at him. His blue eyes sparkling so close to yours. You blinked slowly and looked down at his lips. He had the most perfect lips, full and soft and the most kissable shade of red. He was smirking and it made the corners of your lips turn up until you let out a silent exhale as you watched him lick his lips.

You felt like a kid. Like when kids see the ice cream truck and their face lights up and they start licking their lips and salivating, anticipating what that ice cream is going to taste like. That’s how you felt when you looked at Miche. A drooling child.

Each time you caught yourself staring like an idiot, you told yourself not to do it again, to keep your focus. But when he was brushing past you, touching your arms lightly, smiling at you, laughing with his big laugh, it was so hard not to look like a drooling child.

“Alright class!” The instructor’s voice broke you out of your thoughts. “We’re coming up to the last ten minutes. I see some of you falling behind, but that’s okay! You want to start thinking about plating your food soon!”

“What the heck?” You looked to Miche with your eyes wide. “We barely have anything done. We haven’t even cooked the shrimp!”

“We still have ten minutes.” He reminded you.

“To plate!” You moved to the shrimp. “You take over the chopping, I will cook the shrimp.”

How in the world did forty-five minutes pass already? You knew you were having fun, but you both literally have only cut a bell pepper and an onion. Thankfully you had started boiling water for the stuff that took longer to cook. You dumped the shrimp in the pan and looked over to Miche eating the only vegetables you had cut.

“Stop eating it and plate it.” He jumped at your voice and you honestly wanted to laugh, but you were freaking out about how you were going to finish everything. He moved closer to you.

“Don’t worry so much.” He stood behind you and rested his hands on your shoulders. His hands were moving slightly as if he couldn’t decide if he wanted to give you a massage or not. “Do you want me to do that?”

He moved to take the spoon from you, but you shook your head. You were feeling the pressure of the time and you had a feeling he could tell. The big red clock in the front of the room that showed nine minutes wasn’t helping. It’s not like you wanted to ruin the fun, you were having fun before, but now… you just weren’t.

“Here, eat this.” He brought a bell pepper with peanut sauce on it to your mouth.

“Miche, I just want to get this done. We’re already—”

“We’re already what? This is a class we paid for, we can do whatever we want.” He watched your eyes move to the clock and back to him and he smiled. “You’re really bothered by that, aren’t you?”

“I just don’t want to be late.” You sighed. He lifted the bell pepper up again.

“You’ll feel better after you eat this.”

“I doubt that.” He pretended to frown at you and it made you smile. “I will eat it, but then you need to julienne the carrots.”

“Whatever you say.” He put the pepper in your mouth.

You chewed as you turned back to the stove and added the rice vermicelli to the boiling water, looking back over to how Miche was doing. He put the bell peppers on the plate with the onions and was cutting the carrots into cubes. Large, uneven cubes.

“Julienne, Miche, julienne!” You complained. Miche dropped the knife on the cutting board.

“Who the fuck is Julienne?” He whispered turning to you. You stared at him. He had a serious look in his eyes. He genuinely had no idea what you were talking about and it was so wholesome that it took everything you had not to squeeze him. This giant man was so adorable, it was killing you.

You put your hand on his shoulder and started laughing. Once you started, you couldn’t stop. Your shoulders were shaking and you put your face into your elbow, trying to muffle the sound.

“Did I say something?” He watched you, but all it did was make you laugh even harder. You moved to pull your hand from his shoulder to cover your face and he grabbed it, holding onto it and smiling at you. You weren’t sure if maybe you had just given up on making anything correctly or you finally realized it didn’t matter, but seeing Miche smiling as you nearly peed your pants from laughing seemed way more important to you in that moment than anything else.

You got yourself to stop laughing and didn’t even bother looking at the clock. Your eyes were watering from laughing so hard and you wiped them, still giggling when you thought about how ridiculously cute this guy was. He was still smiling and finally dropped your hand only to hold your cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe whatever tears you missed.

It was strange to you how oddly comfortable you were in that moment. You hated when people touched you, especially people you barely knew and meeting Miche less than an hour before definitely put him in that category. But standing there with him holding your cheeks didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. You hesitantly set your hands on his ribs, unsure if he was okay with your touch. It was a weird place to hold, but it felt like a natural placement until he moved closer to you and they slipped around his back and you let out a quiet gasp. It had been a while since you had been this close to a man and you were actually kind of enjoying it.

“How is everyone feeling?” The instructor’s voice pulled you back into the kitchen and you blinked, moving to turn your head, but Miche held your face. His smile widened the tiniest bit before he squeezed your cheeks lightly, squishing your face forward and he let go, laughing to himself. You narrowed your eyes at him, but couldn’t help but smile when you saw him laughing.

As you turned to the instructor, having missed most of what she said, you realized that the moment you and Miche just had seemed to give him permission to be closer to you because he was completely pressed up against your back, hands on either side of you as they rested on the counter. If there was a way to describe the feeling of being pleasantly caged in, you would use it to describe how you felt. Maybe cozy was a good way to describe it.

“It’s finally time to eat what you and your partner created so grab those plates and let’s get to the dining area!” The instructor danced her way to the dining area and you and Miche looked down at your plates and laughed, carrying what you could to the dining area.

The dining area was just a small room with a lot of windows, a wall of plants and ten or so bistro tables. It sort of seemed like a large greenhouse and was cute in a small café sort of way. The sunlight coming through the windows also added a great feeling.

You and Miche set your plates on an open table and sat down. He immediately slid his chair a bit closer to you and you both turned to the instructor, listening to her long-winded way of saying ‘enjoy the food’ and finally turned back to each other.

“At least we know the sauce will be good.” You dipped your rice paper in the hot water and pulled it out before it got soft, trying to put whatever vegetables you could in it, laughing as you sifted through the chunks of carrots. You rolled it up and dipped it in the sauce, watching Miche make his.

His rice paper was still hard and he folded it over instead of rolling it. The paper got too soft too quickly and he couldn’t get it off the plate. You sat there and smiled, trying not to laugh as you chewed your food. As his spring roll fell apart when he lifted it, you finally had enough.

“It’s not a taco, Miche. Here, let me do it.” You took a fresh rice paper and dipped it in the water, added the vegetables and rolled it up. You dipped it in the sauce, holding it up for him and he opened his mouth. “You need me to feed you?”

“I’m sure it will taste better this way.” He smiled, resting his hand on yours to steady the roll before taking a bite and sitting back, chewing. You didn’t want to sit and watch him eat, but you couldn’t get yourself to look away. The way his jaw worked and flexed as he chewed, the way his eyes closed as he tasted the food, the way he let out a small groan to tell you how good it was, the way he gave a little thumbs up, you didn’t want to miss any of it. “So good.”

“It would probably be better with carrots.” You teased.

“Let me make you one,” he said excitedly.

You weren’t really sure you wanted that. You saw his first attempt and you really didn’t want to be eating crunchy rice paper with chunks of carrots and onions. You eyed him as he started, he was definitely watching you make the last roll for him because this time his roll wasn’t that bad. You opened your mouth and took a bite, watching as Miche put what was left in his mouth.

“What do I have to do to get you to come to my show tonight?” He asked as he wiped his mouth.

“You still want me to come?” He smiled and nodded.

“Definitely.”

“Well class, it’s been a fun hour, but the next class will be coming in soon so it’s time to clean up!” The instructor spoke about how great everyone did and how we can sign up for her other classes at the front desk. No one was required to clean and you watched as everyone stood up to leave.

“Before we leave—” Miche put his hand on yours and you looked at him. He opened his mouth but nothing was coming out, he just sort of stared at you, trying to find words. “Do you… Um, maybe, do you want to get ice cream or something? I know a good place. It’s really close.”

He was asking you out. He was definitely asking you out. He even looked nervous and it was twisting your insides into the tightest knot you’ve ever felt. The excitement and shock sent a flush of heat to your cheeks. There was no way you could play it cool, even if you tried. Your heart was beating so hard against your chest in the best way and you opened your mouth to respond, but he kept going.

“It doesn’t have to be ice cream, if you don’t like it.” He added quickly, laughing to himself as his hand went to rub the back of his head and his cheeks tinted pink. “I just kind of want to spend more time with you.”

“I love ice cream.” You smiled, biting your lip. Fen might actually kill you for coming out of this experience with a date. Especially a date as amazing as Miche. He let out a sigh and smiled, standing up and taking your hand.

“Should we go?”

He was right about the ice cream place being close. It was more of a cart and only a couple blocks away from the cooking class. You weren’t actually sure if this was considered a date, but this ice cream cart location was certainly a perfect date spot. It was right next to a park with a cute path for strolling.

“What can I get you?” He pulled out his wallet.

“I can pay, you don’t have to pay for me.” You dug around your purse.

“I invited you. Don’t worry about it.” You stared at him. You hated when people paid for you. It felt weird and you felt like then you owed them something and you weren’t really sure where this was going for you to be able to pay him back. Miche saw your hesitation and smiled. “How about I buy you ice cream and you can pay me back by coming to my show.”

“Still trying to get me to go, huh?”

“I will keep trying anything to get to see you again.” He laughed. “I’ll even let you buy me a drink. Deal?”

“Deal.” The smile that grew on his face made your heart dance around in your chest. You got your ice cream and walked together along the park path. Whether it was a date or not, it was a really nice afternoon that you weren’t expecting to have had based on where you were a couple hours before.

“So you’re trying to become a vet?” You asked him. You were both sitting on a bench you found halfway through the park’s path as you finished your last couple bites of ice cream.

“Not really actively yet.” He laughed. “I’ve taken a couple classes and I love animals so I think I might do it.”

“It would definitely suit you.” You nodded licking your ice cream.

“You think so?” There was that smile again. He always looked so grateful and happy. You found it so comforting, but also confusing because you looked the exact opposite and couldn’t understand why he kept calling you cute. “If my apartment allowed pets, I would probably have a bunch of dogs by now. I guess it’s good that they don’t.”

“So how long have you been a drummer?” You ate the last bite of your cone. “As a career, I mean.”

“Not long. Maybe five years.” He shrugged.

“What were you doing before that?”

“I don’t know that I want to talk about that yet.” He laughed nervously.

“That bad?”

“Not bad. I just didn’t really like myself very much then. I didn’t… I wasn’t very happy.” He shifted in his seat and you worried that you made him uncomfortable, but he was still smiling so it must not be that bad. “Not all of us found our dream job at seventeen.”

“I wouldn’t call it my dream job.” You laughed. He was smiling, but his face dropped, looking almost worried. He started leaning closer to you which made you lean back away from him. Was he trying to kiss you? If he was trying to kiss you, he picked the most random time to do it. Not to mention, he had a look on his face that didn’t seem like he even wanted it. He held your chin and touched your hair and you looked at him. He wasn’t even looking at you, but you still waited for him to lean in more. Instead, he sat back on the bench.

“Sorry, there was a bug in your hair.” He flicked it away.

“Oh.” You looked down, internally laughing at yourself. “I thought you were going to kiss me.”

You quickly looked up in front of you, not meaning to say that out loud to him. You opened your mouth and a nervous noise came out. Miche started laughing and you looked at him.

“Don’t worry.” He tapped your shoulder. “I won’t kiss you without asking.”

“Oh.” There was definitely disappointment in your voice and you were hoping maybe he couldn’t hear it even though you thought it was painfully obvious.

“Would you let me though?” He asked.

“What?” You looked back at him.

“Kiss you?” That little smirk sat on his lips and distracted you from his question to the point that you had to look away.

“I think I would.” You nod slowly.

“Why did you lean away then?”

“It’s a reflex, I guess.” You explained and he smiled, his hand going to his facial hair and rubbing.

“So… then can I?”

“Can you what?” You looked back at him and felt stupid for looking back and forth between him and the ground. It was dumb for you to feel nervous when he clearly looked nervous himself. His hand was on the back of his head where he was rubbing, a slightly unsure smile on his face.

“Can I kiss you?” He laughed. It was amazing how good you were at making things so incredibly awkward. You were about to grab him and kiss him yourself just to end this conversation because you were sure it was only a matter of time before you said something really dumb. Like maybe ‘it’s the least you could do’.

You nodded your head, hoping that was enough for him to understand. He lifted up from the bench, leaning towards you, his face approaching yours quickly as his hand reached for your cheek. He was really going to do it then? You felt yourself leaning away again and tried to stop, but you couldn’t. His eyes closed as he got close enough to you and you panicked a little.

“Wait, wait.” You put your hand on his mouth and he opened his eyes. “I give you permission to kiss me, but not like this. Sorry. I don’t know why it’s awkward when I know it’s coming.”

“You want me to surprise you?” His eyes went wide with shock. He didn’t move back from how close he was to you, instead stayed right in front of your face and chuckled.

“It’s not like I want to be scared.” You laughed, shifting a little in your spot. “I just feel like I need to wait for the right moment to enjoy it or it’s awkward.”

“Why is it awkward?” He leaned back, his hand resting on your shoulder.

“I don’t know. I just… I don’t know.” You sighed. “I’m sorry. I guess I ruined this. I just…I take things too seriously.”

“Oh, I definitely figured that out.” He laughed, closing his eyes and laying his head back. “And stop worrying, you didn’t ruin anything.”

“Should we try again?” You sat forward and looked at him. You’ve only known Miche for an afternoon and he was already realizing one of your worst traits.

“So you can just go through the motions? No.” He smiled. “Kissing is fun. You don’t need to wait for any right moment to do it. You just take control and make it yourself.”

“I don’t know that I—"

“I’ll tell you what.” He sat up and looked at you. “I’m going to get you to make the special moment that you need all on your own and you are going to kiss me.”

“You—”

“No arguing. I’m starting now.” He laid his head back on the bench and closed his eyes and you stared at him confused as to how him doing the exact same thing he was doing was going to make you kiss him.

You waited, looking at him for a good couple minutes, but he didn’t move. You looked around the park, thinking maybe inspiration would come from the ducks in the pond across from you. You were honestly trying. Moments didn’t just come out of nowhere though. You looked back to Miche and he was still in the same spot and you really thought that he might have fallen asleep.

You sighed, setting your back to the bench again and Miche’s hand made its way around your back and pulled you against him. There was a moment where you tried to look up at him, but his hand was resting on your head and he guided you to lay your head on his chest. You tried to keep your breathing steady, but you did feel a little strange cuddled up to him like this. It wasn’t until he moved his hand to your waist that you felt like you could breathe.

You took a deep breath, trying to relax yourself into his body. It still didn’t feel like a moment, but it was definitely something worth enjoying for a little. You took another deep breath, bringing your hand to rest on his chest, just under your chin and closed your eyes. You probably could have fallen asleep. Between the slight breeze in the park, the warmth of Miche’s chest under your cheek, the slight scent of his cologne or deodorant or possibly really nice body odor, the continual rise and fall of his chest, the sounds of the ducks dipping into the pond water and the faint thud of Miche’s heartbeat under your ear, you could sleep. You focused on the rhythmic beat of his heart, slow and steady. The calm, even, unchanging drumming against your cheek.

You slid yourself a little closer, trying to position yourself to better hear it and you heard it change, shifting slightly. You stopped your movements, focusing on hearing the change. It was easier to hear in this position and you could not only hear the change, but you could feel it. His heart was beating faster, harder against his chest. You smiled and slid your hand across his stomach to lower your ear. He inhaled sharply and you felt his pulse race again. You brought your hand back over his chest and his hand lightly rubbed your waist.

Your entire body was tingling and you could only think that maybe his was too. Your heart was racing as you heard the speed of his heart beat. This was fun. This was more than fun. This was amazing. You were in total control. You were completely focused and in complete control of this moment. This moment was yours and it was going to be as special as you wanted it to be, as special as you made it.

You were at your limit, an unexpected pull forcing you to lift your head, look up at Miche, and smile. He finally lifted his head to look at you and when he saw your face, he smiled back. It’s as if you were a different person. Any other time, you would feel the need to wait an arbitrarily appropriate amount of time before you could kiss someone. But this time was different. There was no waiting, your hand moved to his cheek, your thumb rubbing his cheekbone softly before you hurriedly lifted yourself to reach his lips.

The moment your lips met, his free hand moved to the back of your head and he helped pull you closer to him. He had this weird way of holding you tightly, but at the same time so gently. He sat up a little more as his lips moved against yours. It surprised you that you were the first one to slip your tongue out and sweep it across his top lip. Miche sighed into you, opening his mouth, and quickly pulling you into his lap, his tongue quickly making its way into your mouth. He lifted you until you were straddling his legs and kept his hand on the back of your head to keep you close to him.

The reminder that you were sitting on a park bench in public flew across your mind and quickly disappeared as Miche’s hands moved up your back, bringing your chest to rest against his. The warmth of his cheek under your hand and the way he kept sitting up to get closer to you was making it increasingly more difficult to keep the kiss a suitable rating for any eyes that might be watching you. Your body was growing hotter and Miche’s tiny sighs into your mouth weren’t helping. A particularly loud sigh, bordering on a moan, finally had you put your hand on his shoulder and lean back.

Miche’s eyes were still closed when you opened your eyes to look at him and he licked his lips. If there was a limit to how handsome he could look, you were sure that was it. His eyes were fluttering lightly as he held them closed, his cheeks were pink and his lips were sitting in a small smirk, wet and still that perfect shade of red.

“Hm...” You smiled and his hands lowered to your hips as he opened his eyes. “You’re a much better kisser than I thought you’d be.”

“I’ll try not to take offense to that.” He smiled and leaned back into you, pressing his lips against yours again.

[sokka-with-his-hair-down]

Cabin Leader Zukka AU

Credit to @im-a-sokka-for-you, @waywarddork, @king-bumi-for-president, @sokkaseboyhair, and @crying-at-ikea for helping out with this monstrosity of a post!! Stupid Squad™ ily ❤️

This is long af but I promise it’s worth it 🥺🥺

Sokka and Zuko are rival cabin leaders at a summer camp

The camp has sort of a 4-elements theme because I say so

Eight Cabins. Two Water-Themed, two Fire Themed, two Earth-Themed, and Two Air-Themed.

Sokka leads the Southern Water Cabin. Yue the Northern. Aang leads one of the Air Cabins, and Suki leads an Earth Cabin. Zuko and Ty Lee lead the Fire Cabins. (Ty Lee shamelessly flirts with the assistant camp director, Mai...)

Sokka and Zuko’s cabins, along with all the other cabins, are competing in the yearly camp competition. There are different challenges, like water balloon fights (water), mud runs (earth), zip lining (air), and s’more roasting (fire).

Zuko’s cabin wins most years, and Sokka’s like “not this year. This year WE take the trophy” and he’s got his heart set on it.

Sokka thinks Zuko’s obnoxious. He sees him as hot-headed and snippy and arrogant. And he’s almost militaristic with his cabin kids. (And yet they love him. Even more annoying.)

Sokka wants to be the ✨fun cabin✨, he usually does, but he starts pushing harder to advance to the next round of the competition and win.

Sokka and Zuko have multiple confrontations. They’re snarky and sarcastic “good luck out there😈” kind of things (which Sokka HATES)

The two cabins pull pranks on each other all the time. Very Parent-Trap-esque. Sokka and Zuko plan a lot of them, but that doesn’t stop the kids from doing a few on their own (I imagine some very lovable OC campers).

Sokka wakes up with a shaving-cream beard more than once.

Zuko wakes up wearing makeup once...

Then, as the story unfolds with whatever subplots a writer may put in, Sokka catches more and more glimpses of Zuko acting more human... and hey... Zuko’s sort of sweet when he’s like that...

No. This is a competition. Zuko bad. Winning good.

Sokka confides in Aang and Yue one night after a staff meeting.

“You don’t understand, guys! He’s—he’s infuriating! He’s good at everything, and the kids all like him, and I know I’m supposed to hate the guy but I don’t anymore! And I don’t know why! And part of me feels like he deserves to win every damn time even thought it’s ridiculous that he does-”

“Sokka.”

Aang looks at him almost sympathetically. Sokka tilts his head in confusion.

“Have you considered that maybe you just have a little crush on him?”

“WHAT?!”

“...”

“Oh. Shit.”

Anyway Sokka has a bit of an awakening and is like “OH NO I LIKE ZUKO I’M SUPPOSED TO HATE ZUKO.”

After panicking about that for way too long, Sokka winds up telling Suki about this revelation and Suki is like:

“Well... I don’t know if I should be telling you this, but I think Zuko’s had a crush on you for years.”

“WHAT THE FUCK.”

Suki sort of awkwardly admits that she’s picked up on it. She and Zuko are friends (something Sokka could never fathom why but he left it be) and she tells Sokka how Zuko talks about him... an absurd amount. And how Zuko, on more than one occasion, has accidentally called Sokka cute.

(i.e “just because he’s Mr. Cute and Friendly doesn’t mean he can walk around like he owns the place!” “You think he’s cute?” “What? Uh-”)

Leading up to the final face off where Zuko and Sokka’s cabins will compete against each other, Sokka leaves his campers with Suki for a few minutes and approaches Zuko’s cabin one night and asks to speak with him. Alone.

There’s a unanimous “oooooooooooh!” from the campers.

The two step outside, and Sokka’s freaking out, but he’s gonna do it anyway.

He’s really awkward about it and keeps beating around the bush.

“Just get to the point, Sokka!!”

“Um. Do you like me?”

That. Was not what he meant to say.

In all honesty, Sokka meant to say that he likes Zuko, and THEN ask him if he liked him back, but he panicked, give the guy a break.

Zuko’s face goes completely blank.

“Wait, what?”

Sokka, now suddenly convinced he and Suki were wrong, chickens out and bolts, Zuko calling after him. (He can’t chase him because he can’t leave his campers unattended.)

Sokka freaks out silently as he leads his campers back to his cabin for the night.

He doesn’t get much sleep.

Day of the big competition. The campers are getting ready for the final showdown. Zuko’s team is a few points ahead of Sokka’s, but not ahead by many.

Sokka avoids Zuko all morning. Aang, Yue, and Suki are worried about him but he brushes it off, saying it’s no biggie (it is).

Right before the first challenge he overhears one of his campers talking to someone from Zuko’s cabin. The kid from the opposing cabin says “Zuko was in a bad mood last night. He didn’t wanna tell us why, though.”

Oh no. It’s worse than he thought. Zuko is angry at sokka. More than usual.

The games begin. Both teams tally up points after each round of whatever they’re doing (three-legged race, canoeing, etc).

The final score is kept secret—the camp director (accompanied by Mai<3) says the final score will be announced that night at the campfire.

Sokka makes sure he doesn’t run into any scar-faced boys on the way to his cabin. Or at dinner. Or on his way to the campfire.

Everyone is gathered around outside, fire blazing, hot-cocoa and s’mores present. Sokka doesn’t even care about winning anymore. In fact, he hopes Zuko wins, so he doesnt get any more angry.

But

The Southern Water Cabin wins.

Sokka’s campers jump up and scream with excitement. And though he isn’t feeling quite himself, he still offers hugs and high fives and congratulates them all on their hard work.

Then, suddenly, while kids are mingling and cheering, Sokka feels a tap on his shoulder and spins around.

Zuko.

“Hi.”

Sokka can’t find words to say. He just stares. Is... is Zuko gonna yell at him?

“Good job.” Zuko’s holding out his hand for Sokka to shake. Sokka does so, hesitantly.

“Uh... thanks.”

After a moment too long, they end the handshake. There’s a beat of awkward silence and Sokka’s heart is racing.

“Look,” Sokka begins. “About last night. I-”

“Don’t. Me first.” Zuko looks really uncomfortable, but he still keeps talking. “You were right.”

“Huh?”

“I like you. I have liked you, I mean. For a long time. Like, three years.”

Sokka’s dumbfounded. “I thought you hated me.”

Zuko sort of nervously admits that he’s not very good with people (and that he takes great enjoyment in riling people up). And he apologizes like:

“Sorry I was a dick. Me being a fucking gay idiot who can’t ask people out doesn’t excuse me being mean. So I’m sorry.”

Sokka’s sort of touched by all of this. Zuko apologized for being an ass and he has a crush on Sokka?

Sokka figures he should apologize too, since he was pretty much just as mean to Zuko as Zuko was to him. “I’m sorry, too.”

Eventually, the stilted conversation gets sort of quiet and even more awkward, and Sokka realizes he still hasn’t confessed. And, well, better late than never.

“I like you, too.”

“Huh?”

“I like you. As in. Like. I have a crush. On you. So there.”

Zuko has no idea how to react, but eventually a giant grin makes its way into his face and it looks beautiful in the firelight and he just sort of goes:

“Um... do you wanna get coffee or tea with me? Or something? Now?”

“You mean the shitty camp coffee and tea?” Sokka quips.

“Hot Cocoa it is.”

They walk up to the kitchen building and hang out at the counter and actually get to know each other for the first time in years. And Sokka thinks that becoming a cabin leader is the best decision he’s ever made.

(They may or may not have kissed sometime during the rest of their stay. A couple of times. A lot of times. Okay, they made out in the pantry a ton, but that’s nobody’s business but theirs.)

If anyone wants to write this, lemme know!! And again thank you Stupid Squad™ <3 @chaoticidiott @appa-bottom-jeans @soft-zuko you’re also Stupid Squad™ so this is your child as well now. Enjoy.

[fuck-customers]

(tw ableism, racism)

i never complained about this guy on here but i finally talked to the store lead about this awful guy i work with! said guy, we'll call him don which of course isnt his actual name, is so annoying. for the record, i helped train him, so its not like he's been here for long time. less than a year. anyway, don thinks he's smarter and better than everyone else. he knows everything and everyone else is wrong if they disagree with what he's saying. he's always talking about people behind their backs, and complaining about how no one does their job right, but i guess he does. he's also always spewing some bs about "you should work for satisfaction not money" (girl why are you here then? you hate this job) and "if you really want something you'll get it because you'll do anything for it" and other classist bullshit.

he'll complain about two of our coworkers specifically, who we'll call gina and ben. gina is an older woman, and don is always talking about how she leaves the register to make coffee every hour (gas station, coffee is made every two hours or as needed) and is always away doing something even if there's a line. he also has made some weird comments about the old men who come in and talk to her. he talks about ben the most though, saying he doesnt do anything, he's always disappearing (which, yeah, he does sometimes, but usually i can track him down because i know what he's doing) and calling off (which he used to do, but now he calls off only occasionally, and is definitely not the worst offender in terms of calling off all the time). its also worth noting that ben and gina have been here for years, through multiple managers and store leads and rounds of employees. now, when don and i are at the register, don is usually occupied with stocking cigarettes and the other nicotine products up there, and its nice to have that stuff done, but that means i am the only one ringing people out. even if theres a line. so if someone else leaves him alone at the register, its a problem, but if he leaves me alone, its fine. another thing about ben he doesnt like is his tattoos. ben is a young guy with a ton of tattoos, including face tattoos, and some piercings. don doesn't like that. he was talking about this the other day to me, and he was saying how "businesss shouldn't hire people with tattoos, i wouldn't" (when I told the store lead he said "but there are professionals with tattoos?"), and first off, this is a gas station honey. what i said to don was, "I don't know, I still think those people deserve to eat." he replies, "I don't." i don't know what to say to that.

he also doesn't like me I don't think. we were talking about stuff we have to do, and got on the topic of outside trash, and I said, "Yeah, if I could do outside trash I would, but because of my hand I can't lift the pump trash lids." i have an ongoing issue with my left hand that we think is tendonitis but we aren't sure, and basically i can't put any pressure on any part of my thumb/that part of my palm. to lift the pump trash lids, you have to push inward on the sides with your palm and lift up. obviously i cant do that. but i can lift propane tanks because that's mostly on my fingers. he tells me, "man, i wish i had a brace i could just put in when i didn't want to do something."

my man the other day i sat down on the floor to look for something and i thought it was healed but as soon as i leaned on it i fell because of how much it hurt. I've tried to do pump trash with it, it made it worse.

going back in time, he said something to me that i didn't think much of at the time. he looked up and saod "that's who you remind me of!" and said my voice sounded like his ex girlfriend's. at first i was like okay. whatever. but he mentioned it again later in a way that infuriated me and im about to tell you why.

so, he was going off about "how you should only eat between these times of the day" (directed at me because i mentioned my breakfast that morning? my dude i get up at six for this shift.) and then going off about circadian rhythms and how theres a single set one (which is not true!) and i mentioned that one if the symptoms of adhd is having a circadian rhythm thats out of sync (he knows i have adhd). and then he starts going off about how "no its not, tell me that when its in a medical book" (girl? maybe look at one that isnt outdated) and then that adhd is overdiagnosed (untrue and also a googleable statistic) and pretty much implying that i was just saying i had it to be special and not have to do things, which infuriated me because thats what everyone says about it and what ive been told my whole life, to the point my mom literally had to threaten several schools with legal action because they would not follow my IEP, and then when i said "hey, I'm the one living with this, you aren't," he said "kelly! kelly! you sound so much like her! you're just kelly to me!"

obviously that's kind of a fucked up thing to say.

some other things i hate about this man is that he gets really aggressive when he's frustrated. one day he started slamming things down as he was stocking. he even does it in front of customers! also, as a cherry on top, he was talking to our coworker, and found out she had a lot of black friends, and called her a [n word] lover.

i also know that im not the only person who has problems with him. literally no one likes him. he's always complaining that someone else isnt doing their job right and "if *I* were the manager" and stuff like that. it might be worth mentioning that i only complained because someone suggested i do. i was just going to tough it out for a while since im going back to school soon and will only be dealing with him once a month

one of my coworkers gave me her number if i ever wanted to talk about it, and the store lead said he would try to talk to him (without mentioning me), and this definitely wasn't okay for him to be doing, so we'll see how this goes. also, i think the store lead kept me in the office talking with him (about school and the pandemic and other stuff) for an hour ish so that i wouldn't have to deal with him, since don leaves after an hour of me being there during the week (but we have six hours together on the weekend) so that was nice.

sorry for the long ask. tldr this guys just an all around asshole who doesnt shut up and thinks he's superior to everyone else but my other coworkers are nice people

[bookofmirth]

Because i just stay in the really positive space of the whole fandom and don't engage in the anti tags mostly I have no idea why people hate Feyre. So can you please tell me why she gets hate? According to me, she deserves nothing less than pure happiness.

Honestly I'm not sure either? I don't actually check anti tags or anything, I just hear things from other people. 👀 I have two guesses about where Feyre hate comes from, based on things I’ve glanced at over time:

1. People think that if they like Nesta, they have to hate Feyre and Elain. Or people think that if they like Feyre, they have to hate Nesta and Elain. Or if they hate Elain... you know. I understand that the books pit the sisters against each other a lot, but the books also... intentionally show how that combative attitude is immature and inaccurate. In acotar, Feyre realized that Nesta did show caring in her own way. In acosf, Nesta realized that her sisters aren't ganging up against her and that they have been there for her, she just wasn't letting anyone close. Their reconciliation should be enough, but people still want to be mad about stuff that happened in their childhood, even though the characters themselves are over it and have made peace.

2. People dislike Rhys's actions in acosf (and maybe from earlier books) and that dislike is rubbing off on Feyre. This is my take on it. They see Rhys and Feyre as intensely privileged, which they are now, but Feyre came from struggle and everyone just forgot that I guess??

I've seen people make comments about how rich Feyre is now and how she's elitist and how she ignores the problems of the disadvantaged people in Velaris/the NC and... literally no? lmao???? She spends all of acofas feeling intensely guilty and uncomfortable with her wealth. To the point where after acofas came out, people were annoyed with her discomfort. They wanted her to stop whining about how much money she had. Even though that discomfort made sense given her childhood swinging back and forth from riches to poverty. It would be far, far worse if Feyre won the Prythian lottery in husbanding Rhys and then said "fuck y'all, where are the diamonds". She doesn't do that at all. She does the opposite, especially in acofas, and now in acosf she's had time to adjust to the lifestyle and we aren't in her head so we don't know if she is still having those thoughts.

Personally, I think this issue is way more about the structural inequality in the world than it is about Feyre. Feyre didn't create this wealth inequality, but she was working with Elain who was helping people garden to feed themselves, and she was working with children who were left orphaned or injured during acowar. We have tons of examples of her helping people throughout the series. Remember when she gave the water wraiths some jewelry so they could pay their tithes? And Tamlin was mad about that? And she tried to say "hey buddy, you're rich maybe give them a break"? Rhys is the one who keeps building them houses. It's not like Feyre's personality flipped a switch. The real issue is the society and Rhys.

Feyre hate is annoying to me because the woman did literally everything right all the time. I don't think that she could have given more of herself, and she freaking deserves a break and to stop being The Mom of the family because she was the youngest child and never deserved having that responsibility put on her shoulders. But she carried it, and she carried it well.

[bcdwhcre]

this just a suggestion heheh so you don't have to feel that you need to do it 🥰🥰 scenario is jean and reader on and off relationship, the reader is insecure because jean's ex before the reader is so pretty and the reader doesn't feel like they don't deserve jean so for the last time they broke it off and jean being angry and not understanding the reader's point of view decided to make the reader jealous by having a fake relationship with the said ex, now the reader is very devastated, crying most of the time, not leaving the bed etc. connie and sasha were the ones comforting reader and one day both of them decided its enough and confronted jean, now jean felt guilty and all that jazz so reader and jean decided to talk and then boom back together and for good this time. I really cant handle angst on its own so i have to make it angst to fluff 😁😁

“Back & Forth,” Jean x Reader

Summary: having an on and off relationship with Jean because of your insecurities, when you decide to break it off a final time- he practically uses your insecurities to make you jealous.

Warnings: none, angst to fluff

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The relationship between you and Jean was never easy or smooth. There were a lot of rocky days and stable days, kinda like a roller coaster. Some days were really good and memorable to you and some days were just plain awful.

Every time you two would bicker, it would always lead to a much bigger argument and eventually a break up for a few days then poof, you’re back in his bed or he’s back in yours.

It was a repeated cycle for over a year and working beside him in the scouts didn’t make things easier on the both of you- in fact it added a lot more stress to the relationship that was barely hanging on by a thread.

You’ll admit that your insecurities and fears did play a massive role in the arguments. You were terrified of losing him, of him losing interest in you and going off to find someone better.

You hated yourself for thinking such thoughts but knowing who his ex was and how his ex looks- you were fully convinced that he had downgraded with you and is going to figure that out eventually and leave you.

Jean was pretty oblivious to your feelings and how insecure you were, mainly because you were too afraid to tell him and also because he was an idiot- he can’t figure things out even if it was right in front of his face.

So the arguments continued, the break ups and make ups continued for months until one of the days you both were more frustrated than usual. You can sense the anger dripping off him and radiating towards you that it kinda scared you a bit.

The argument was a small stupid one that led to him raising his voice at you and making you feel small. He was never the type to hurt your feelings or make you feel like shit during an argument, he usually just made smart ass remarks and then leave you be for a few days then come back.

But this time he was more angry with you to the point where he had startled you from shouting. You couldn’t tell where all the sudden anger came from and you truly felt as if it was all your fault for making him raise his voice.

You tried to hold back your tears and your emotions, you hated to be vulnerable in front of him and since he was pissed off and stomping around the room, you had just decided to grab some of your things you had in his bedroom.

“Where are you going?” He asked even though he knew, it was always the same toxic behavior between the both of you.

“I’m done this time, Jean. I’m not coming back.” You simply said, quickly walking out of his room before he could say anything.

The stabbing pain in his heart had instantly stunned him, making him stare at the bedroom door you walked out of and everything came rushing to his head. The realization had hit him pretty hard and all it did was feed into his anger, making it worse than before.

He couldn’t believe you would easily give up on the relationship you two have built for over a year, he felt as if you never really loved him and it only made him more upset and that resulted in him punching a hole into the wall.

A week had passed, you mainly stayed inside the room you had on the scouts base- you barely would leave. You wouldn’t go to training sessions, wouldn’t go on missions, wouldn’t do anything. All you did was lay in bed and cried, the overwhelming pain pinning you down on your bed, preventing you from moving.

But the one day you had decided to come out and grab something to eat before heading back to your room, Jean sat in the mess hall with his arm around someone’s shoulder. At first, you couldn’t make out who it was until they had turned their head- it was his ex.

“Hey, Y/N.” Connie had called out to you but you had stood there emotionless until Jean had turned to meet your gaze.

The way your heart had dropped all the way down to your stomach, your worst nightmare coming to life right in front of you. You were quick to turn around and head back to your room before the tears could slip from your eyes.

Jean had watched you walk away, he was hoping that the little jealousy plan he was doing was working in his favor. He had missed you way too much to the point where his dumb brain had tricked him into thinking that bringing his ex here could make you jealous and come back to him.

But of course men aren’t that entirely smart when it comes to dating.

Jean had no idea that you sat in your room crying and having the heavy amount of your insecurities weighing down on you. He couldn’t see the fact that you were hurting way more than he was and all you wanted was for him to grow up.

He watched Sasha and Connie follow after you, making sure to bring you a plate of food from today’s lunch, wanting to make sure you were okay and fed.

“Can we come in?” Sasha spoke on the other side of the door, making you quickly wipe the tears off your cheeks and unlock the door for them.

But when they both saw you, they could tell you were crying from how red your eyes were and the way your cheeks were flushed but they decided not to bring that up. Instead they walked inside and all three of you sat on your bed.

“Wanna talk about it?” She mumbled towards you, setting the plate down in your lap and you glanced down at it, not knowing what to really say.

“Is it Jean?” Connie chimed in, watching you play around with the food on your plate with a fork.

All three of you were pretty close so it was obvious for the both of them to know that it was Jean and the relationship you two had. They knew you were beating yourself up over it and they knew that the sight of Jean with the ex he swore he didn’t like anymore, was a lot for you to handle.

“I just don’t feel good enough when it comes to him. His ex is everything that I’m not and it’s obvious that I will never be enough or better than they are.” You managed to choke out, making Connie shake his head repeatedly.

“No, you’re better. They’re nothing compared to you, Y/N and if Jean can’t see that then he’s clearly an idiot.” He tried to reassure you but in the back of your mind, you were set on not being enough for him.

“I love him more than anything, it hurts to not have him here.”

They both stared at you and realized just how much you have been suffering up in your room on your own. They can tell just how much Jean meant to you and that only irritated them more to know he sat outside in the mess hall, acting as if you never existed or never mattered to him.

Sasha sighed, reaching over to embrace you in a hug and soon Connie had joined in. It had made you feel somewhat better, just to know you had people who cared about you but it didn’t help the fact that Jean wasn’t here comforting you like he should be.

“We’ll leave you to eat but I’m coming back later for dinner and you’re coming to eat with us, okay?” She told you, making you somewhat nod your head even though you weren’t sure if you’ll be able to even leave your room now that he was out there with his ex.

When they both left their room, they agreed to one another that Jean needed to be put in his place and Connie had even thought about punching him in the face even though he was also his best friend. They were both furious with him and the way he had made you feel and the way he had easily tried to move on with the ex you were insecure about.

Connie had managed to yank him away from his ex, dragging him in the hall where Sasha waited. The both of them giving him a intense look.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Connie spoke first, his eyebrows furrowed together and the skin on his face getting hot.

“What did I do?” Jean scoffed, looking between the both of them confused.

“You know what you did, why would you bring your ex here knowing Y/N is still upset over the breakup?”

“Since when was Y/N upset? They broke up with me.”

“Didn’t it cross your little brain on why they did all of that? Or are you too dumb to realize their feelings?” Connie was being a bit more harsh than usual but he cared about the both of you deeply, he knew he had to do something at least.

“Look, the only reason why everything happened the way they did is because Y/N feels very low and not enough, comparing themselves to your ex, convinced they can’t be enough for you.” Sasha sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Jean had stood there, in shock almost as everything finally came to his head and everything had finally hit him like a ton of bricks. He hated himself for not seeing it sooner but having Sasha bring it up in a better way than Connie- it made him see all the signs that he didn’t see before.

He didn’t have any ounce of emotion or attraction towards his ex and the dumb decision he made to bring them here to make you jealous and come back to him, it made him feel even more stupid for making the wound in your heart bigger.

He didn’t know what to say to his two friends that stood in front of him, instead he dismissed himself and walked down the hallway towards your bedroom. He was racking his brain, trying to form the right words to say to you.

He didn’t want to screw things up with you, you meant everything to him and the way his heart raced inside of his chest as he stood outside your door. It had taken him a few minutes before bringing his fist up to knock on your door.

In your head, you were convinced that maybe it was Connie or Sasha returning back to your room like they said they were going to do earlier but when you opened up the door and moved your eyes up to meet Jean’s sad gaze, making your heart stop.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uh, can we talk? If not I can go.” He stuttered out, the nerves kicking in and the fear of being fear of being rejected.

At first it had crossed your mind to shut the door in his face because at the top of your head was the repeating image of him out in the mess hall with his ex but deep in your heart you had too much love for Jean and you couldn’t handle ignoring him and telling him to go.

Instead you had opened the door wider, letting him step inside and both sat on the small couch you had in your room. There was an awkward silence at first, after all that thinking on the way here he still didn’t know what to say to you to make things right.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you.” He started to say, his eyes trailing off and moving back to look down at you.

“It wasn’t my intention to make you leave that day and I really hate when we argue and break up all the time.” He sighed under his breath, his hand reaching back to scratch the back of his neck as he tried to form good enough sentences in his head before repeating them out loud.

“I don’t want us to continue to be toxic like that, you mean everything to me and I don’t want to lose you.”

“And what about you being with your ex?” You questioned, his sad eyes meeting yours and he simply shrugged his shoulders.

“I did it to make you jealous. It was a stupid idea because I felt like you were happier without me and I just wanted you to come back.” He admitted everything, the dumb plan to get you back failed miserably and now he was here trying to pick up your broken pieces again.

“You’re an idiot if you thought that was going to work.”

“I know I know, I couldn’t see that you were hurt. I never meant to try to replace you or make it seem like my ex is better because they’re not. You’re the only person I want to be with and the only person I’m in love with. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N and I mean that.” Jean confessed the bottled up feelings he’s been having for a while now.

Sometimes he was just never good with confrontation or admitting how he feels but as he sat there in front of you, the heavy amount of guilt weighing down on him for making you feel upset and insecure about the ex he never liked or wanted in the first place.

“Jean..” You trailed off, you didn’t really know what to say because you were just as bad at confessing feelings and emotions. You didn’t want to admit the fact that you’re self conscious and not confident enough.

“I know that you don’t feel good enough or have any confidence in yourself but trust me when I say this, there is nobody else that makes me feel the way that you do. I wouldn’t trade you for the world.” He kept going, the rush of words slipping off his tongue with ease right when they came to his mind.

He would sit there and talk about you all day and all the little things he loved about you. He never wanted to lose you and he wished that he stopped himself from being so stupid and selfish months ago. He hated to think back on the arguments and how he let those stupid fights separate you and make you feel not enough for him.

“I don’t want to lose you.” He finished off his rambling, his large hands hesitating but eventually reaching over to grab a hold on yours and you let him.

The way your heart had felt heavy at the sight of his face and now all you felt was it flutter with such love for him. You never understood how you ended up having Jean, you never seen yourself one to be this deserving of good things but he made you feel the opposite, he made you feel worthy of good things.

“I’m sorry for leaving.” You finally apologized after being zoned out in your endless thoughts and he simply shook his head.

“No, I’m sorry for not listening to your insecurities and feelings sooner.” He sighed, his hand reaching up to caress your cheek while still feeling the intense amount of guilt hang on him.

All he ever wanted was for you to feel loved and wanted and he hoped he made you feel that way but he also couldn’t help the burden of not listening to your feelings even if you never mentioned them out loud, it was pretty easy to see when you were feeling low or upset and he never acknowledged it as much as he should have and for that, it really hurt him.

His thumb had stroked soft circles on your cheek, staring down at you with sad eyes but seeing the small smile on your face had made him a bit more happier. He squeezed your hand before leaning over to plant a few quick kisses to your lips before fully pressing them against yours. The kiss was slow and soft yet passionate and full of sparks, something you missed a little too much.

When he pulled back to look down at you fully, his fingers had moved back to tangle in your hair before you moved yourself to wrap your arms around him and embrace him in a tight hug. You had missed him everyday while you sat inside of this room alone and he had felt the same when he laid in his empty bed late at night.

You meant everything to him and now he would do anything to keep you happy and in place, no more small breakups and no more sadness- he just wanted you to feel good enough again.

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This took way longer than it needed to.

I’m sorry for the lag and the constant “sorry and ty for your patience” status. I was doing good until just recently when I experienced a loss in the family. even if it was just a family pet, she meant everything to me and has been around for more than a decade. Its been really fucking hard but I’m managing.

Ty always for the love! Send in some more requests for Armin, Jean or Eren. I love writing about them🥰

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