#THREE YEARS? that can’t be right
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When Katsuki Bakugo needed saving, Izuku came up with a plan where Todoroki, Iida, and Kirishima went rocketing across the sky to reach him.
When Izuku Midoriya needed saving, it was Katsuki, Todoroki, and Iida who went rocketing across the sky to reach him.
Both times, our Twin Stars decided to set their own needs aside and allow the other’s trusted friend to take the lead in bringing them home. Izuku knew Kirishima was the right choice to get Katsuki away from the league quickly and safely, and Katsuki knew Iida was the better man for the job of catching up to Izuku and bringing him back.
Can we please just take a moment to appreciate the parallels. Please.
#bkdk#bakudeku#mha#bnha#I was rewatching Deku vs Class 1A#(easily in my top three favorite eps btw)#(if not the top)#and the parallels slapped me in the face multiple times#Katsuki really is showing how he’s finally pulling even with Izuku emotionally#he’s been beaten over the head with Save to Win for literally the last two seasons of not longer#and his guilt for how he treated Izuku for years has been eating up at him#he has to bring Izuku back to UA and he has to apologize#but he let’s Iida take the spotlight#he recognizes he’s not the right person for what needs to be done so Katsuki helps Iida get there and let’s himself wait for his turn#he’s working as part of a team#he’s putting Deku’s needs first#and he’s determined to apologize for a lifetime of what he acknowledges at last were very bad and hurtful decisions#and we see it in how his rescue of Izuku parallels Izuku’s rescue of him#i can’t with these two I really can’t#twin stars but actually#wonder duo#happy ending when because I literally cannot accept anything else at this point
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Edelgard von Hresvelg from Fire Emblem: Three Houses
#fe3h#fe3h Edelgard#Edelgard#edelgard von hresvelg#fe16#fire emblem three houses#fire emblem three houses fanart#fire emblem three hopes#fire emblem three hopes fanart#fire emblem fanart#fire emblem warriors#fire emblem warriors three hopes#fire emblem heroes#fe16 Edelgard#if the professor doesn’t show up to class for 5 years you are legally allowed to start a war#she was right I can’t believe John Wick was discriminated against for not having a crest
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Sometimes I just think about Soi Fon. Like that shit was so insane. Easily one of The characters of all time. You’re going to give me a woman who hates the physical manifestation of her soul because it’s loud and explosive and she doesn’t think it’s “proper” that it suits her, but it’s so obvious it does because she’s angry and stubborn and loud and explosive!!! And then the fact that she never ever calls upon that physical manifestation of her soul until things are so dire it’s practically that or death? The fact that in so many ways she lets her emotions build and build and build until they quite literally explode???? And then!!! AND THEN!!!! Add in that she hates her bankai because it’s “inappropriate” for an assassin… for her role as captain of the Stealth Force… the position she inherited from Yoruichi after she abandoned Soul Society for Urahara… She despises the physical manifestation of her explosive nature, the nature she hides until she can’t, just like she shoved down her feelings for Yoruichi, the betrayal, the hurt, the love, until she quite literally couldn’t anymore and it all came back up in a BANG!!! Like god… oh my god, no one will ever do it again and kubo did not deserve such a cool fucking character in the least
#bleach#soi fon#yorusoi#<— because like this definitely feeds into it#like I refuse to believe soi fon didn’t have some form of romantic feelings for yoruichi like it’s so OBVIOUS#also like add in the lesbian angle to this???#oh… MY GOD it just makes it so much more intense#hiding from your feelings and swearing up and down they shouldn’t suit you that they’re not right for you#even though they obviously are#I can’t fuckin do it man#it’s been YEARS but the soi fon brain rot is still just SO strong#I really did fuckin imprint on her#but tbh in general I hate to give him any credit but kubo did kinda go off with characters who hated/hid their bankai#like the whole thing of hating your soul hating your very being#unparalleled. wish he actually did anything cool with those particular character arcs#like the soi fon ikkaku and yumichika character arcs could have been PEAK#(also don’t even get me started on the three of them being some of the uh… um… well ya know a teeny bit queer)#it could have been so good#but again kubo can’t write and hates gay ppl so lmao#wild that he genuinely created some of the coolest queer characters ever kinda on accident#like whoopsie#anyways I’ll shut up now#kaz rambles
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the game plan:
- finish o4o in the next few weeks (barring pain levels, they have been higher than normal. more on that later)
- open up comms (i’ll probably take two or three OR i’ll be releasing a certain numbers of words that can be claimed for commissions out of the whole, until we hit that word cap) (if this doesn’t make sense i’ll explain more later trust)
- profit and pay off portos vet bill AND get a new work desk
#chronic pain has been insane later bc the ergonomics of my work desk r in fact wrecking my shoulders#ik ive needed a better desk in that regard but ive been putting off buying one for literal years but how is the Time#i think my new mattress May be part of the problem tbh but ive got a long ass warranty and still am within my three month testing period#so we’ll see#tldr my shoulders have been blowing out nearly every day#alternating between right and left and it is genuinely so Fucking painful like#can’t focus can’t eat can’t THINK and i have no real method of relief for one of them#need to make some changes in the next month so i can function more bc i can’t live like this#oof#anyways commmmms incomingn!!!#lore loops
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what's ur favorite book u read this year? and any that ur looking forward to read next year?
Not to be a broken record but the memory of souls aka acod book 3 honestly rewired my brain in a way I have yet to recover from—the high of finally having all the main characters in the room together + the resulting drama + all the history and lore we finally start learning about the world had me on the moon, and then the midway point knocked me back to earth so hard there was a me-shaped crater in the ground where my body hit. And I don’t even know how to describe what the second half and ending did to me except that I didn’t know whether I wanted to cry or like. find some way to give a book a thousand stars on goodreads (still my official rating + review for that book btw) (and side note, but I finished that book a little after midnight, quite literally two minutes before the clock ticked over to my birthday. Hell of a birthday present)
For the sake of variety, I’ll also say that I loved an unkindness of ghosts by rivers soloman, which I read a bit earlier in the summer, and was so good that it managed to break through the reading slump I’d been dealing with for months. It’s a story about a generation spaceship heading away from earth in search of a new planet to call home, and I’d call it a bit horror, sci-fi, mystery and historical all at once. It’s a rough read at times (there’s a heavy focus on the type of slavery that was popular in the American south and all the racism and horrible things that it came with) but the main character is so compelling and the ending is a mix of horrible and hopeful… it’s a really good book. I’d absolutely recommend to anyone who thinks they’re in the right headspace to read it
#thanks anon for giving me the chance to ramble afjafjafka#asks#i honestly can’t think of any books that are coming out next year right now… i’m like three years behind current releases i don’t think that#i’ve read a single book published this year all year long
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OK Y'all, I just can’t with these "Ghosts-Of-Christmas-Past-Easter-Eggs" I am finding.
Spoilers, Veilguard so ya know, watch out.
The Three Choices ™
My Sisters in Andraste, what in the ever-loving fuck is happening.
Why am I still talking about this?
"Because, Sera, Bioware, my genuine sorrow for the tragedy of our history cannot be diminished by a single moment."
These are THEIR words!
oNe DaY sOmEoNe WiLl SuMmARiZe ThE tErRiBlE EvEnTs oF yOuR LiFe So QuiCkLy
Varric: ITS KINDA HARD TO START A NEW STORY BEFORE THE OLD ONE IS OVER smhhbcqkwiokvnvanavj
"DoNt WiSh FoR uR chAraktErs To CoMe BaCk Cuz We'LL uNaLiVe TheMz"
[Sera] SHES HUMAN NOT WHATEVER YOU SAID
Varric, on the importance of being seen, even if not needed:
Varric & Bull, on choosing their people:
Varric & Solas, on the destructive nature of humans,
For now the best thing I can offer you is... *dramatic pause*... the truth.
*Gut wrenching Hidden Gulp*
But just like Solas, YOU DIDNT TELL US THE TRUTH. You HID IT FROM US.
And just like Solas, I fear your Pride will be your downfall.
These are THEIR words!
───────
Blackwall Devs: You haven't said much to me since... well, you know.
Solas Fandom: There is little to say. I assumed we were alike. We'd seen war, knew its terrible costs, and yet understood that it was necessary. But there was nothing necessary in what you did. You did not survive death and destruction. You sowed them. To feed your own desires.
Blackwall Devs: I know that. I see it every time I look in a mirror. I try to make up for it.
Solas Fandom: By wearing another skin. You ran away rather than face what you had done.
───────
Solas Fandom: I will remember this. When it is over.
Blackwall Devs: This? This war? The Inquisition Veilguard?
Solas Fandom: The people. How you we fought against the tide. It is... courageous.
───────
It's rough, innit, Blackwall OP? But they come and go.
Sera, don't.
Right, right... you're set on being sad forever. But then the sun freakin' comes up.
Yes, well, it's not that easy.
Didn't say it was. I implied I didn't care. Uh-huh, that's right. Implied.
(laughs)
You better laugh. I had to ask Solas for that one.
───────
#In case you can’t read between the lines at the end…#I am still excited for Rooks story#Rooks story looks good#Rooks companions are intriguing#I am already In Love with them#They deserve their own story#but you cant dangle a carrot in front of me for 10 years and then not be surprised when im mad at discovering it was a painted dowel.#The Three Choices#If youre wondering why we cant let this go#Its because we know you#We know this world#Its because we love this world#We know how much you love this world#We know how good this world can be#We know how good YOU can make this world#And this feels subpar#Bioware#Bioware Drama#Dragon Age Drama#bioware critical#datv spoilers#Dragon Age Critical#veilguard spoilers#dragon age veilguard#datv#da4#Dragon Age Ramblings#And I am acknowledging my privilege that this is the most upsetting thing in my life right now#Im still a Dragon Age Stan#You can like something and still be critical of it
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I need them to kiss (after several extensive talks djdjdjjd)
#look I am here for solas/inquisitor endgame#but they need to talk like. a lot. sjsjjsjsjsj#you cannot just magic an arm off and run away and NOT talk about it#(also like. everything else.)#djdjdjdj like breaking up with soraan right before the Corypheus fight and refusing to explain why outside of vague ‘it’s not your fault’#things. straight up disappearing for two years afterwards (without so much as an explanation. soraan barely got a goodbye)#alllllllllllllll of the lying#(that includes omitting the truth djdjdjdj)#being the reason behind the worst three days of his life dhdhdhjd (trespasser dlc)#leaving AGAIN#also kissing him before being like ‘live your life happily without me. gonna go destroy the world btw byeeeee’#uh the hand snatching deserves a talk djdjjdjd I know it had to happen and it technically saved his life but yeah they need to talk about it#(plus soraan uses a great axe that he loves djdjjdjd he can’t use it after losing his arm)#(he has to learn swords and he’s PISSED)#anyways there’s a lot they need to talk about. but then they can kiss! :>#lololol#doodle#sketch#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#da#solas#adaar#oc#soraan adaar#soladaar#solas x inquisitor
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so with this year’s April Fool’s event, which is themed after the Chinese Zodiac, A3! has given almost every character confirmed official birth years depending on what zodiac clan they were assigned to! these are as follows:
?????? - Guy, Azuma (they were assigned the cat, which is an unofficial / excluded zodiac sign. clever move, Liber.)
1987 (Rabbit) - Sakyo
1991 (Ram) - Homare
1992 (Monkey) - Chikage, Hisoka
1993 (Rooster) - Tsumugi
1994 (Dog) - Tasuku, Itaru
1995 (Pig) - Citron
1997 (Ox) - Omi
1998 (Tiger) - Misumi, Kazunari
1999 (Rabbit) - Tsuzuru
2000 (Dragon) - Banri, Juza
2001 (Snake) - Sakuya, Tenma, Taichi
2002 (Horse) - Masumi, Kumon
2003 (Ram) - Yuki, Muku
2004 (Monkey) - Azami
(Izumi got assigned Rat, which would be 1996, but based on canon statements about her age (her knowing Sakyo as a kid + her being the same general age as TaTsm), she’s presumably a 1992-1993 baby & she got put in Rat solely bc no one else filled that slot.)
#a3#a3! act addict actors#listing all this has made me realise the way a3 labels ages is…. interesting.#bc of how it does things people who may be only a few months apart in age will be listed as an entire year apart#because based on these birthdays it lists everyone as the age they’re turning within that act (going april to march)#so say… tasuku who’s only a few months older than itaru is listed as a year older than him bc he turned 23 right before act 1. whereas itar#turns 23 at the start of it. and then tasuku turns 24 in february. and then for acts 2 on the ages just tick up one#so even tho for most of the year they’re the same age tasuku will be listed as older#this is the same for masumi & kumon and sakuya & taiten#this makes a lot of age assignments for the students Interesting also bc they seem younger than they should be?#maybe i got too used to how enstars does the age stuff but 15-16 for 1st years 16-17 for second years 17-18 for third years…#but a3 has the third years turn 17 During their third year & etc. sakuya turns 17 at the very end of the school year#and it can’t be the march birthdays being the start of the year loop bc then sakuya would be a 2000 baby and masumi 2001#i think i’m overthinking this LOL. well anyways!#i also saw someone point out homare is three days too early to be a goat so LOL i don’t think they thought this through past general year#on that note is it goat or is it ram. i see people use them interchangeably. well anyways#bri.txt#omi literally only five (5) days younger than me…#also i just realised. tsuzuru being assigned rabbit LOLLLLLLLLLLL he is never getting past the white rabbit
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tweet from a year ago :) <3
#thanks everyone for a wild year!#when i think about how the 65k first draft of wwgattai was written in exactly 14 days all the plot issues make a lot more sense#right i was minmaxing/speedrunning storytelling okay i had to cut some corners#DEBRIEFING WAS WRITTEN IN THREE FUCKING DAYS#all my friends got covid over Labor Day weekend so i locked myself in my dorm and wrote all 35k words of debriefing in 72 hours#🤷🏽♀️#praying i will someday be that motivated to uhhh… find a job or smth#But really thank you guys for such a great/crazy year and all of your support#❤️❤️❤️#can’t come up with words for how much i have loved being here over the last year#such a wonderful experience#i am very strangely obsessed with anniversaries etc so if i spend the next couple weeks gushing i apologize
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Sometimes I think I’m doing okay with my dog’s death and the next I’m having a breakdown in the shower because I realized that the next time I go to my parents’ house I won’t hear barking before I go in the door.
My dog was the best antidote to my lack of self-worth, depression, etc - because regardless of how unmanageable I was for everyone in my life, regardless how much I pissed anyone off, talked too much or too loudly or had opinions other people disagreed with…my dog, obviously, did not. I couldn’t do anything to piss her off except feeding her two minutes late, which of course got forgotten the second I fed her. She was one of the reasons I didn’t take my own life four years ago, because your pet won’t understand why you’re not coming back. God, it seems so stupid - obviously she was in horrible pain and I wanted her to have peace, I knew she was getting older, and it’s ridiculous how much this is affecting me.
I think I’m just having a hard time dealing with death and the passing of time in general right now. Because it’s not just about my dog, she’s just the most important person or animal in my life I’ve lost. My grandmas are going to die. My parents are going to die. All my role models, aunts, uncles, favorite professors from college. And then there’s no guarantee that I’ll die before my friends or sister either. It’s crazy cause obviously you know this growing up - I’ve been to funerals. But it’s hitting me so much harder. I honestly hope I die young, in my 30s or something, because I don’t think I can stand it if a bunch of my peers go first. I don’t take care of myself for myself, I do it for other people, or for the version of me I want other people to see.
I hated being 16 but right now I just want to go back to being 16. When I had just met my best friends, when my sister hadn’t had her eating disorder, when I was living with my parents and my dog was there all the time and she was never going to die and when I had hope for life in general. Yes I have a job now, yes I have an apartment and a degree and have started to undo traumas from my childhood but if all these things keep changing it’s not even worth it. I think I was meant to die at 20 - and I may as well have because I don’t know who I am anymore.
#Just for the record I AM NOT SUICIDAL#even if I wanted to I cannot give my family more grief right now#I just want the last three years to not have happened#Which is insane because I liked a lot of parts of the last three years#I’ve improved so much#I should have just moved in with my parents after college#Yes it would have made me Worse#But I’m sure I still would’ve gotten into journalism#I’ve been a bother to my friends I just know it#And I would have gotten two years with my dog#Instead of seeing her only for holidays#I just wanted to say goodbye#I crave a hug from a dog or cat#But after this I may never get a pet again#What’s even the point?#Of course one could argue what’s the point of caring about or opening yourself up to anyone#Which I also can’t really dispute right now#I just hate losing people#And animals#Anyone I care about#Sorry about all this#Rant#personal#depression
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Cyberpunk 2077 is my favorite anti-capitalist game that I spent 70 dollars to play
#like is it worth 70 dollars#I Guess?#I know it took years and so many people to actually put this game together#and the basegame and dlc for seventy dollars total is such a steal in comparison to say#a certain life simulator game I play#but the actual game Cyberpunk in itself is so inaccessible already#like my gaming laptop can run the sims with all dlc and custom content on ultra graphics EASY#buy trying to run cyberpunk even on the lowest graphics is like#ROUGH#and like paying 70 dollars for the LOWEST graphics setting is pretty mid#like yeah they got Keanu Reeves as the cool brain parasite#but that only speaks to me on a personal level because I have a mental health issue that causes me to have Keanu Reeves as a brain parasite#in my actual real life#the story is so great but there’s so many side quests that no matter how many hours I play the game for I’ll never actually COMPLETE it#cyberpunk is my FAVORITE game and I do NOT regret buying it bc the story is there the world is there the characters are there#but it feels so superficial knowing I spent a quarter of my paycheck to spend 30 hours being like#‘that’s right Johnny Silverhand we should fuck em up’#i think it’s more that cyberpunk feels like a story the world really needs right now#but it’s only accessible to such a niche group of people#especially since the game got so much hate on launch#and yeah there is the anime now but the anime doesn’t even TOUCH a VAST MAJORITY of night city#the anime doesn’t have the same depth and wonder that the game has because the game is about a city and the show is about 1 group of people#cyberpunk 2077 really resonated with me in such a unique way and I love it so much I can’t even begin to describe my hyperfixation#but the graphics and first person camera give me motion sickness#and my wallet cried for three days when I bought the game#and so much of the actual political ideology is lost on me Because of the price point#I’m gonna play it anyway tho bc I’ve never seen my own brain parasites represented as video game characters before#twink speaks#Twink plays cyberpunk 2077#not cc
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looking myself in the mirror like am I really about to completely reshuffle the lover boy timeline just so i can get the single release of i want your sex in there and write beau’s live reaction
#if I want to make it i have to set the timeline back by TWO MONTHS!!!#right now it starts June 20 into 21st and it has to be on the 20/21 because Bobby **** on the 21st#at first I was like okay so I’ll go back one month into may#and the single dropped in the us on the 18th COME ON#I am actually curious at exploring the discourse and controversy though bc it fits with the novels themes#I mean it could be fun!!!! I just have no idea how long I want the timeline to be still#the only thing I know is it needs to extend to October because there’s three major plot points there#that can’t happen in any other month#which would make it at least 6 months#if I want valentines that would make it a ten month timeline#I feel weird because RR and until heaven both had clear ending points#I mean at one point rr was four fucking years but once that was taken away I knew when it needed to end timeline wise#here it’s like well just see how the pacing goes#I almost want to end it at halloween/november bc that would be 1 year after RR ends#but that would also mean george michael faith dropping in time with the emotional climax LOL#wait if i do it like that then beaus essentially spending the whole novel waiting for george michael to release his debut solo album WAITT#that’s so funny in just the right way
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it is truly criminal that the best written and best acted arc in season three of legends of tomorrow is the one between Damien and Nora Darhk
#she thinks her father wants her to give up who she is so he can have the world!#she thinks her father only loves her because she’s useful!#and she’s alright with that! she’s alright with that because she’s been scared and alone for twenty three years and she just wants her dad!#and he doesn’t realize that’s what’s happening until it’s almost too late!#he truly truly loves his daughter more than anything in the world#even himself#and so even if he can’t undo the damage he did to her#he tries to make it right#and she has to lose her father all over again#also. Neal McDonough is truly so good. and Courtney Ford really nails the bits where she’s scared and just wants her dad#plus like. they’re such fun villains#one goes insane!!!!#legends of tomorrow
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i said i wouldn’t do it this time but it’s 3am and mods asleep. boy
#welcome to another episode of Luke is insane abt hockey boy!#this time featuring a guy who is actually this time almost (ALMOST) confirmed to be queer#the almost is partly me being insane because I don’t trust anything anymore#but like. there are only so many reasons you wear pride converse. that is not ally behaviour#it just threw me this time I think bc I’d been like no. heterosexual. bc I think I became aware of him when he joined the real hockey team#because the OTHER problem is that the whole time I’d been thinking he was cute as hell (bc he is) and simultaneously being like no. bad.#anyway this meant that I have actually talked to him a bunch without overthinking it this term which honestly has been very cool#not like a whole lot but we’ve played together a decent amount and hopefully will keep doing that#and yesterday discovered hes recommending other people talk to me abt goalieing which is insane to me bc I am truly not that good#but apparently I made an impression!#anyway it does not help that this guy has gotten incredibly good at hockey in the past few months#idk man I make bad decisions (I say as if this was a decision) bc it is now the end of term once again <3#which means absolutely nothing can or will happen until after summer. which isn’t an issue#I’m just frustrated by my tendency to realise these things right before I’m about to not see the guy for X period of time#I also desperately need to stop crushing on hockey boys I swear but in my defence that is the main way I meet people#I think I’m cursed actually. that would explain many things#anyway he also has exams until next Tuesday which means he’ll be at hockey next week but idk abt this week which is devastating#i just wanna have talk to the guy more honestly to see how that goes bc we’ve not rlly talked individually for an extended time yknow.#in other words we have not had A Conversation it’s been groups or like quicker exchanges#he’s kinda quiet but i can’t quite tell which way yknow. I know he’s Watching basically all the time. and he is slightly awkward#which is also kinda cute. he gets a lil rambly when he talks abt hockey and I wanna push that button more#i. topsy if you’re reading this you’re gonna laugh so hard I just realised. he’s captain of the team now.#which sidenote is INSANE bc he started playing with them THIS YEAR#but oh my god. okay.#anyway. I need to start complimenting guys more for multiple reasons but also#1. he dresses very cool 2. he caught me looking at his shirt last week without saying anything (BEFORE I caught the rainbow converse)#i compliment women on their clothes and jewellery and hair and shit all the time but I do not with men bc. I mean do I need to explain.#but this is so unfair I am haunted by existence of boy and here we are once again. posting on tumblr with the possibility of seeing him lik#two more times before summer. might be three or four depending on what he comes to#luke.txt
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i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
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#hm its time for a rant again <3#but my roommate has a date again and that makes me feel…….. extra mentally ill snsnsnsn#I’m a little bit upset because I spent this entire year trying to rebuild right. rebuild my social life rebuild the me I used to be#and every time I think I’m almost there shit derails me?#like okay first my dad and I. collide in unprecedented ways#then my back problems got worse than ever before#then I try to recover from not speaking to said dad and work throws a blow in my face that I quite frankly still haven’t really gotten over#then new body problems arise!#then we find out I definitely have pcos and can’t ignore it any longer#then everyone in my life is. moving on to a life phase I can’t follow to#but I had it all under control I was taking it in stride I was Coping#and then ……… I catch covid again#and it really triggered 1) my anxiety again in ways that. Sigh#and 2) im still not okay? it’s been three weeks and I’m still dizzy every day I have a headache all the time I am So tired I can’t focus#and my eyes are being weird#and idk that happened in the last week and also my neck is FUCKED and my shoulders feel like concrete#and last time my eyes were weird and I couldn’t focus and had a headache all the time it was also my neck#but I just…….. am 1) terrified it’s long covid I am so so so scared#2) how can I live life normally if this. keeps happening.#but mostly 3) I am so tired of it being blow after blow after blow#I am too generally busy with work or therapy or physio therapy or FUCKING pelvic floor therapy#which is a whole different kind of hell I can’t even begin to discuss on this website it makes me so uncomfortable#that I. can’t even date.#like where do I have the energy to.#I am about to turn 32 and what the fuck do I have to show for it#and what if this is it#what if? this is it?????!!???!#I don’t know if I can live with that#ugh this doesn’t even touch the root of it but I am Deeply Upset and I don’t like complaining or acting like a victim (im not!) but Jesus#I for once would just like to. be carefree. instead of feeling like I need to fix 29292993 things about myself before I can Live. fuck.
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