#all my friends got covid over Labor Day weekend so i locked myself in my dorm and wrote all 35k words of debriefing in 72 hours

[compacflt]

tweet from a year ago :) <3

[dailyaudiobible]

09/19/2021 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 30:12-33:9, Galatians 5:1-12, Psalms 63:1-11, Proverbs 23:22

Today is the 19th day of September welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is wonderful to be here with you every day, but on these days when we’re starting a brand-new week together we can think about all that hasn't happened yet, and it's…I mean you can do this every day, every month, but it's a fresh start and we get to choose what this week is going to look like. And let's choose wisely by continuing our journey together around the Global Campfire and taking the next step forward together. That leads us back to the book of Isaiah. Today Isaiah chapter 30 verse 12 through 33 verse 9. And we will read from the EHV, the Evangelical Heritage Version this week.

Prayer:

Thank You, Father for Your word. Thank You for bringing us this far. Eight and half months now. And every day You have been faithful, every day You been patient and kind, every day You have walked with us through all of the things that we get ourselves into and all of the things that come our way, that were unexpected. You are always present, and we are grateful. And, so, come Holy Spirit as we begin this brand-new shiny sparkly week. Lead us into all truth. Lead us on the narrow path that leads to life. Be a lamp to our feet and a light to our path, we ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey, DABbers this is Micah in Awe Kansas City. Today I was watching this show about mothers in jail and it really had made claustrophobic feeling for them and just felt this pressure and pain they had of not being able to do anything in there and it got me thinking about believers that could be locked up unright…unjustly and just everybody in jail but especially our brothers and sisters in jail, how much of a mental struggle that would be. And I remembered there was a scripture that said we should be praying for our brothers and sisters in jail. I found it. I want to read it real quick. It's Hebrews 13:1-3. Well…this isn't the exact __ spot but anyway. Keep on loving one another as brother and sister. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers for by doing…so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison period and those who are mistreated as if those of you yourselves were suffering. So, today I just want to ask all of you to join me in a movement to pray for our brothers and sisters in jail and even for unbelievers in jail, that God would draw them to himself. And I believe with many prayers going up God can…God will move some things around and maybe we can get some of these people set free. Let's pray particularly for that. Lord we ask this morning or whatever time it is for all these people, we ask that you see these people's cause and see their plight, see what they've done. And we ask for mercy Lord. If they're innocent or if they're not deserving to be in jail for this longer a period, we ask for you to set them free spiritually, supernaturally, send a way that they can be set free and encourage them over their Lord. In Jesus name we pray...

Hello, my beautiful family this is Suzanne calling from Albuquerque. I am calling because I heard Victor from Nigeria call and for whatever reason your plea to be able to come back to the Lord really touched me. You have found the right place. We are home and I just wanted to encourage you to keep listening. This has been one of the most beautiful things that's happened. I mean it's really transformed my life listening to Daily Audio Bible. I had been around for well over 10 years. I lost count after seven years. And I just…it has helped me become so grounded and helped my…my confused mind just to have a much clearer direction. And just to be able to listen to this when I get up in the morning and I'm getting ready for the day and sometimes I'll go back and listen to the certain things later. Sometimes I miss it but then I just try to listen to two the next day or…but I just…it's been such a blessing. And, so, you have found home and we are opening our arms for you. Just know that we are supporting you and listening and loving you. And I know that Jesus is so…there was no accident you found us. So, welcome home brother, Victor in Nigeria.

This is __ from __ again. I just wanted to call in with a praise report. My wife contracted COVID. I've been through a lot of health issues. I have COPD bad. I'm on the highest dose of Trelegy before oxygen. And ss soon as she contracted COVID, found out she was positive she got her brother, and she was crying. Shes’…tell her brother we've been married 32 years and that she was gonna lose me, and the whole family thought that they were going to lose me. And everybody prayed about it, and I ended up not having it as bad as she did. I just think that the Lord works in mysterious ways and I think He's got something for me planned. I don't know what it is yet but whatever it is I'm more than willing to do it. And then her, my wife's father has COPD really bad too and we really prayed for him. He…he went into the hospital but now he's out of the hospital and he's doing well. I just…I just think that's great and that's just a…the way the world works because. He takes good such good care of us. I just wanted to share that this morning. And I wanted to everyone to know I'm praying for ‘em and I love my DAB family.

Good morning, everyone actually afternoon, or it could be evening where you are at. This is Christy from Kentucky. I wanted to call and share something that happened today that was so beautiful. ASnd I'm like Lord I just want to share this with people who will understand, and I know that my family will understand. I've been having a rough couple days. I guess I’ve got just kind of the Blues a little bit from wondering, is this ever going to end? I'm one of those older individuals that have chosen to isolate and really just try to spend time with the Lord and use this time like turning lemons into lemonade. And but the last couple of days I've kind of been weary. Well, this morning when I got up I went in to make myself a cup of coffee and all the sudden the most beautiful fragrance filled the kitchen and I looked around to see if maybe my husband had, you know, lit a candle or just trying to figure out where this beautiful fragrance was coming from and there was no answer. And then I knew. I knew what was going on. I had the most beautiful moment and it had something playing on my phone and I turned that off and I asked my little Google home hub just to play some worship music. All the sudden this music came on. It was called “back to the altar” __ worship __ and I had the most beautiful moment in the presence of God. And that fragrance, that fragrance, so beautiful. And I just wanted to call and thank the Lord for that moment. I needed to be refreshed. He's so faithful.

Good evening family this is Penelope on Louisville KY and I'm calling this evening to ask for prayer for a dear friend's son. He was shot on Labor Day weekend during a road rage incident, and he is in critical condition in the ICU, and he is an induced coma as they try and allow the swelling in his brain to go down. He was shot through the eye and the bullet passed through his eye and out the back of his brain. And they of course don't know the extent of damage. His skull will need to be reconstructed but he's definitely lost that eye. And it's one of those situations where you are really not sure what to pray. And, so, I'm asking for prayer for miraculous healing and for restoration and for redemption and for the…for his whole family, for my friend who is his stepdad but who has raised him since he was a toddler, for his mother, for his younger brother, and for his grandparents, just for the whole family. They are just all devastated as you can imagine. And…but especially for Rob. He was raised in church as a young child, but I don't know what his relationship with the Lord has been like over the last decade or so. I don't…I don't know. But my prayer is that if he has not accepted Christ as a savior that that will happen. Thank you, family.

[sammlethal]

Anyone ever tell you that they do not love you? At that point when you have stars in your eyes and that person fills your heart to bursting? Have you ever given someone every single emotion there is to give? From rage to tears of joy? Emotions from both your personal stock and theirs?

Its like we live in a time period where actual love is dead. Everything is selfish. Everyone. Me included.

My father quit on me. Packed all mine and my siblings belongings into small plastic shopping bags and dropped us off 6 hours away in my mothers neighborhood, not sure which house was hers. I had to hold my brother and sister's hands while knocking door to door, looking for my mom. I was 12.

That was a couple years after the era of beatings, after the era of divorce. After that Friday afternoon day at school; my mother was the school bus driver before the divorce. Everyday we rode home with her. Until my father picked us all up. It was fun for us kids. We NEVER got picked up, and by our father! What a thing! He drove us to our pastors house. We did not see our mother again for almost 5 years. In the State of Virgina, in the late 90s, it wasnt considered kidnapping for a biological parent to take off with the kids if they stay within state lines. And my mother must have given up after that. I imagine the evil that was my real father, and how crushed and scared she must have been. Only now do I know what it is she felt.

That was after the molestation of me and my sister by our God father/Sunday school teacher/the churches singing coach.

Then there was my first love. I was 17. She was 16. By 19 we had a daughter, her name is Serenity. My ex was a freak. My demanded things from me that I could not give her, not physically. So in order to keep her and my kid, I let her have her satisfaction and pleasure.

I guess someone screwed her over because she fabricated these fake police reports about a guy who kept coming after her and she said she called the cops over and over and he wouldnt leave her alone (she was 6 months preggo when this happened) and she didnt feel safe and I beat him up. I beat him up bad. Almost killed him. Turns out she lied and he had been paying her for preggo nude flicks and videos amd she felt he still owed her money. So she used my insecurities and my nature and set me on a course that led me to 5 years in prison. Then she left me. Yeah I know. I'm a fucking idiot. My only defense was that i was young and dumb and in love. Or so I thought. No really...i thought it was the right thing. That I was protecting my small, new family. And damnit man, family means the world to me. Probably because mine has been so fucked up lol.

Anyways I get out in 2015 and I meet a girl. She rocks my world in all new was and we CLICK. Like...humor and taste and the world issues we care about and nerdy things and the SEX IS ON FIRE. And I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I broke her heart. I got drunk. I started the road to becoming my biological father.

Then she left me. Which was biggest, greatest thing she could have ever done for me. I went spiraling out of control and ended up living in the woods.

Until she calls me one day. I had a new girlfriend. We did not CLICK lol...and as soon as me and her spoke I turned to that girl and told her we were not gonna work out.

You see. Me and my lady had a son together. A beautiful, handsome as hell and adorable baby boy. And he really became my world. I walked 7 miles to meet him. My feet had popped blisters by the time I got downtown and saw them. The whole time I'm walking I'm hopping she didnt leave. That she would wait. And she did.

Then I messed up again. I scared her. That time between when we broke up and when she came back...i did not do good. I found cocaine and alcohol and it led to a very big fight between the two of us. That night we fought I have never been more like my father than right then and there. And I payed for it. The next morning I was arrested. No one thought of rehab. No one had the sight to see the root of the issues. Or no one cared. It was back to prison for me. A parole violation.

I got out. We tried again. I failed again. Only this time nothing horribly bad had happened. She just wanted an escape. I know this because she has since told me so. That she wasn't IN LOVE with me and needed an escape. We had been split up almost a week. I will never forget. It started on a Wednesday night, I left and went to my mothers. That following Sunday the police beat down the door and arrested me AGAIN. Only this time nothing bad had happened. Not really. She just didnt want to be with me. And so she sent me away. For two more years. 2!

I get out. I find peace finally. I start taking care of mental health.

She comes back! Again! And once again I leave my girlfriend at the time, who by the way, had a heart of gold and did not deserve to get caught up in mine and my lovers drama. I will forever feel guilty about that and I hope she forgives me over time. But at the end...no one can replace my son's Mother. She is my other half. My best friend.

We've been going since April? May? It had been a few years and I had just gotten out a few months before and the Covid just hit so I was trying to get the family court papers started. I got in touch with a private detective to find her so I could have her served. The the last thing I expected was to get a call from her.

And here we are. I am struggling to learn all the important, fundamental life lessons that my parents failed to teach me. I am struggling to learn those crucial relationship lessons we learn when in our twenties...that era of my life that was spent locked away.

All i want is my family. Is to be loved. And to ve able to return that love. My life could have went a few different ways. But here I am, doing the right things as much as I see them. I beat myself up when I fail. I work hard doing general construction. I'm good at it too. I start school in the spring. Nothing fancy just community college. I am an awesome dad. An awesome lover. And I have a huge heart.

ALMOST every single day I am with my little family. My son's Mother and my son. She doesnt want me to move in...which I understand. She claims to be an introvert. Which I also understand. (Along with beating, my childhood was also spent locked in my room, grounded, for days on days on days).

And dont get it wrong. Me and her have some issues. Mine (I think?) are just basic life things I'm trying to wrap my head around, like I said, the things my parents failed me on. But at least I know that. I admit it. And I'm trying. Because I'm a good man who has been through hell and because of that hell, I love with a feirceness, I don't give up. I am patient. And I generally have a positive outlook on life. I would I am doing good, all things considered. Her issues? Jesus fucking Christ. You would swear the world is ending right now.

She is constantly breaking up with me. For example, this weekend I gave it to her in a way neither of us have had...im talking sex here...we both have this...fetish, both of us (how rare?) And we both click when we do these things. Anyways I left her empty of all juices. Then I massaged her a little that night, telling her how good and amazing she is. Then another nice massage a day or so later. She thanked me after the last one (massage I mean)...saying how her back didnt hurt in the morning and how she got her yoga done.

And now we are broken up. Right now. Again. It was last week when it happened. She calls me on Wednesday or Thursday and says that I got in her head. Then this awesome weekend happens. Then an awesome start to the week. Then tuesday, doing construction, I think i pulled something in my leg or gave myself a small hernia, because after work I was in pain and sore. I asked told her I wanted to stay home. Rest up. That the next day we were supposed to start this big window replacement job. 20 something windows. But no. We argued over it. I dont know why. I think she just really missed me. Or so I thought. And said she needed help with our son. She always says that, then when i get there and dinner is over, the rest of her night is spent on her phone (which she is sneaky with), on the TV, or MAYBE catching up on homework. Says she is tired after a long day of working from home, on the phone and computer. Doing IT. But I do physical labor. And if I complain that I am sore or tired she just thinks i want to sit at home on my PlayStation or watching netflix, instead of taking the responsibility to be there for our son. Which remember, I am ALWAYS THERE. Unless she has decided that I am horrible, in which case she breaks up with me, and I spend the next couple of days hurt and crying and missing my family. I can not move in with her and my son. She does not want her family to know. (My mother told me she would disown me if me and her got back together. But it did not stop me. Because i am a man, and she is my woman. He is my son. And this is my life)....and is so stressed and anxious that will find me over there. I have actually, more than once, had to run and hide because her family popped up.

So yeah, I walk over there. This was Tuesday. The day when I think I pulled a muscle. I walked. She says that the only reason I walked was because she had to yell at me. But man...see these text. You would swear I am the world's largest dick head. In reality she said all these things in front of my son. That night I touched her. Massaged her just a little...soft touches. We made love. I woke up throughout the night with leg cramps. Woke up the next morning so tired from lack of sleep and hurting leg muscles. Called the doctor. Had to miss work. Turns out that yep, I gave myself a small hernia. Then WALKED on it lol.

So when we talked yesterday. I told her that the doc is pretty sure I have a hernia...my appointment was today and yes...yes I do have a little hernia. Doc wants me to rest but I'm pretty sure I have to work. Anyways so yesterday, before she picks our boy up from daycare (by the way, kuddos to you moms who work from home AND have kids to deal with at the same time. You girls are superheros!)...which I agree with daycare. He is an only child and he needs interaction with other kids. It's important for his development. Anywho, she ask me before picking him up if I want to come over. I tell her no, tell her what the doc said. By this point I have been there everyday since Friday. While on parole and breaking cerfew and worried about that. (Which I got questioned on. If I didnt worry about parole before, why now? And I dunno. Thats way of anxiety? But good thing I did because he came by this morning and I was here. Had I been there with her, I would have been here and would be on my way to a big ole parole violation. But no. In her eyes I dont do enough. I have to be there every day, no matter if I'm sick or sore or in pain. That is what she said. That a real parent never quits.

I'm just so confused. I didnt quit. He can come over here to my place whenever he wants. Ive told her this. I have told him that. Of all nights for the two of us to stay at our respective homes, last night was it. I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND CAN BARELY MOVE.

But she broke up with me again last night. Or better yet, said that we have been broken up. She said she doenst love me anymore.

How? Literally all we do is laugh. Have amazing sex. We are awesome parents. I literally dote on her. Massage her. Touch her softly. Like for real, I EMPTIED her of all juices, have seen her cry...actually cry, from pleasure. She makes 50x more money than I do, but I still give her money because I don't want to feel like a burden.

I dont get it. I really don't. I give the shirt off my back. Gave myself a hernia. All I want is belong to a family that doesn't quit when the anxiety comes. Who doesnt take a lifetime of anxiety and stress and then blame it on someone else simply because they are what is in front of you at the moment.

How can someone be so smart and not see that? Or not want to?

Its 2020. We live in a world that encourages us to lie to ourselves. To lie to ourselves about our nature. We all believe we are good. Harmless people. Who would never hurt anyone or cause ill will. What we fail to see is that yes, we do cause all of these things, and then some. We are not perfect. We are human. We will hurt other people. We will lie. The great tragedy of the world isnt this in and of itself...these different hurts and heart aches are as old as humanity is....war, peace. Love and hate. The great tragedy is that we have been led to believe that we are beyond that, that we good, perfect people. And so when we do hurt others, its not our faults but theirs because how can I, this wonderful human being in the modern age, ever hurt someone? I have a car, a job, I'm a good parent. I'm a good boss. Whatever it is. We justify who we are by our level of success. And this is wrong.

And when she ask me why I love her after everything. Those moments when we both see the truth and see who we are, those are the moments when she ask me how I'm the world I can actually love her knowing all this. Dealing with all this. How? And I dont have the answer. I just know that my heart beats for the two of them (her and my boy) and it always will and I really hope one day she comes around. I'm waiting for that.

Some men find that one lady, that one lover, and there is nothing else after her that we want. She has it all. And that is me. That is her.

I love you

[chantalkrcmar]

HALFWAY THERE!

We are sliding into the second half of quarantine and house arrest, in various states of disrepair. :-) I am overjoyed that we’ve made it though the first week of our ordeal, and am trying not to think much that we have one more week to go. Well, the full details are such: The quarantine for me is 17 days — not 14. 17 day quarantines are not a thing in the US, or most of the world. But Indian bureaucrats who take over the moment they are notified of a positive test result  like to do things in a — shall we say? — unique way. But since every medical professional we have consulted (not all the know-nothing bureaucrats we have also consulted) said that quarantine does not have to be more than 14 days, we are going with the medical pros on this one. And the Sign of Shame, despite my supposed 17 day quarantine, gets removed in 10 to 14 days, so our apartment is unsealed then. Clear as mud, right? The upshot, though, is that we all get outta jail in 14 days. And then soon after, we hit the airport. As one doctor here told Rahul, “Get the hell out before something else goes wrong.” Sound medical advice.

The past couple days, Rahul tells me, have been easier on Anamika. Less crying, more resilient behavior. He messaged me that she is being very wise and thoughtful actually. When he explains why we have so many restrictions, she now accepts it and moves on. I guess it does make sense that the beginning of this quarantine was harder on her than now; the sudden nature of it threw all of us off-kilter. One moment, we were having one final family breakfast together before our departure for the US. We adults were sipping Ambhubhai’s best-in-the-world chai; Anamika was hamming it up for her grandparents. She had been dramatically declaring how much she was going to miss Dadi (Grandma), and that she would video call with her no less than three times per day (time difference, be damned). Dadi was melting with all the warm attention she was getting from her beloved Anamika.

And then I got The Call. When the doctor at the BMC (Bombay Municipal Corporation) called, it was so unexpected that I couldn’t quite understand what she was telling me. Doctor. Test results. Positive. Any symptoms? Huh? When she could tell she wasn’t getting anywhere with me, she asked again if she was indeed speaking to Chantal Krcmar. She was utterly butchering the pronunciation of my name, so I almost sarcastically said, “That’s me. Approximately.” I had started assuming the caller was a scam artist. It took a while for her words to really sink in.

Because we still did not know that Rahul’s test results were negative, we just assumed that he was positive too, so I did not immediately jump into my bedroom and lock the door — though I did run away from my in-laws. In fact, I assumed Anamika must have COVID too, so I played a game of Snakes and Ladders (India’s version of Chutes and Ladders) with her while Rahul made calls to track down his test results, and spoke with my in-laws’ main physician.

As Anamika cheated her way through Snakes and Ladders, I felt fine. Shock can do that to a person. Anamika was afraid at first when I told her I had COVID so we couldn’t leave for Somerville now, but I reassured her that I was not sick and she seemed to relax. But then Rahul found out he was negative, Dr. D. ordered my in-laws to the hospital immediately for COVID tests and he told me, Rahul and Anamika to get into quarantine separately. That’s when I started to feel the gravity.

So of course Anamika was reeling for the first few days of this mess. We were talking a ton about all the weekend camping trips we were going to take and the friends we would see (masked, of course) when we got to Massachusetts. She had packed her Paw Patrol backpack for the flight; she had carefully chosen a flash light (which she kinda stole from her Dada :-) ), a stuffed lovey and some books. We had been talking with her about the fact that we’d have to wear masks for a very very long time (a total of at least 24 hours from the moment we got in the car in Mumbai to get to the airport, in the flights, during our layover in Frankfurt...until we got back to our home in Somerville). She was on board with all of it. But we had not prepared her for what actually happened. How could we have?!

But this morning, Anamika and Rahul were playing a game of cricket in her room. And life goes on…

I include this photo that I took while we were on WhatsApp video call this morning. Anamika’s room gets more and more chaotic. Quarantine with a 4.5 year old is no neat and tidy business.

Note on the far left hand side of the photo Anamika’s potty training potty. Poor thing is using that to do her business so that she and I don’t have to share the toilet (in case I actually do have the plague). Her bum bum barely fits anymore. But thank goodness we kept this training toilet. A museum piece being put to good use.  

Note on the far right hand side of the photo the giant teddy bear sitting atop Anamika’s car seat sitting atop a chair. The teddy bear is holding some of Rahul’s clothing. Makes perfect sense, no?! About as much sense that this whole situation makes. We had plans to be spending this Labor Day weekend in New Hampshire hiking and swimming with good friends. Alas…We’ll get there. Gosh darn it.  Just in time for leaf peeping season.

Note in the foreground Rahul’s doggy pajamas. I bought those for him at Good Will a couple years back. I think it’s all he’s been wearing since quarantine. No judgment on my part. I have entirely given up on pants while in isolation. It’s bloody hot and humid -- even with my one window wide open and my ceiling fan on high. I am confined enough and do not feel compelled to confine myself even more.

Please do not note the terrible state of my hair. I typically run pretty low on vanity, but even this makes me slightly embarrassed (but not embarrassed enough to hide). Six months ago I had a cute short haircut. Now I have...this. In the greater scheme of things, bad hair, though, is the least of my concerns!

Back in the day, I had taken a photo of this cute little sponge star that I found lying on a sidewalk in my neighborhood in Somerville. Because I knew it would make her smile, I had sent it to my best friend. A couple days ago, she sent it back to me. Smiles all around, y’all! Smiles all around.