#THIS PLACE COULD BE BEAUTIFUL RIGHT?
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A DIY zine for Lilah Young, Momma, Auntie, the seventh daughter, the seventh mother, practitioner of kitchen witchery and granny magic. Maker of deals, taker of firstborn children. Scold’s daughter.
All text within the zine from Courtney Love Prays to Oregon.
Lilah learned by watching her mother’s hands, disassembling dead rattlers, darning socks and mending dresses. Butchering a buck in the lean season, peeling the skin, saving the velvet which hung from its antlers. She felt sick but she felt alive. This is what she was made for. This is what she received, in return for surrendering her own freedom. She learned how to make a deal. She learned how to take a child when they were not immediately given, and she learned of pretend deals, by desperate young women heavy in pregnancy begging for any small spell which would require a child as payment. “We take these children,” was all Agnes told her. “And the mothers?” asked Lilah. “What do they get in return?” “Nothing,” answered Agnes flatly. “Which is the only thing they want.”
#oc#art#diy zine#auntie#granny magic#future timeline#val#THIS PLACE COULD BE BEAUTIFUL RIGHT?#YOU COULD MAKE THIS PLACE BEAUTIFUL
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thoughts, repeating.
#art#sketch#digital art#ocd#wish i could clear my brain cache sometimes!#but no instead everything that ever happens to me is a cognitohazard#anything can be my brain's favourite chew toy#there's nothing more to extract from that thought but sure let's run into it like a knife a million times#and it becomes habit that reinforces itself. i will wake up thinking thank god im not having the thought right now! oh! surprise!#i don't wish my memory was worse but i wish it knew how to let go#one beautiful day when im in a place more long term i will find a therapist that can help hopefully#also im doing fine mostly!!!!!!#ive been meaning to draw this for a while just havent had the time and im slowly smoothing it over
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trying not to talk too much abt the bear s2 but im Really fuckin frustrated that even with everyone demanding that they’re sooo media literate and sooo smart that no one has talked about claire and the way she sparks audience discomfort. like, she feels out of place within the show because CARMY cannot accept that he is getting this good thing—she feels out of place in HIS life. she’s actually crafted to be the ideal girlfriend, with glowy bokeh lighting in a grocery store and beauty shot close ups and a sweet instrumental leitmotif to show to you, an audience member, that she’s too good to be true in carmys eyes. if you’re an audience member, she raises alarm bells in YOUR head because she raises alarm bells in HIS. he literally tells us that—that’s the crux of his final monologue, that he doesn’t believe he can have the life of food and wines best chef and a life of love and human connection. he doesn’t believe he’s deserving of good things because his family has always been so fucked, because nothing he’s ever tried to hold together has held together—except for his cooking. it’s done this way on purpose, to make you feel that anxiety that he feels around this relationship, and to make you question why you feel it too
#the bear s2#the bear spoilers#the bear#eenposting#carmy berzatto#the bear s2 spoilers#the bear season 2 spoilers#IDK IF THIS IS PHRASED RIGHT BUT LIKE#DO YOU REAAAALLY THINK THAT THE WRITERS WHO GAVE US FISHES ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING UNINTENTIONAL#LIKE YOU. YOUUUUU#oh my GOD#everythifn in this show is so fucking meticulously crafted. CLAIRE WAS PURPOSEFUL#claire was PURPOSEFUL she was kind and lovely and beautiful and lived a perfectly mundane life which is NOT THE LIFE YHAT CARMY LIVES#and he can’t find the place where those two things meet#he can’t find the place where calm and peace and love and adoration exist next to or inside the chaos of culinary life#and while there IS A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN LIVE TOGETHER. everything that happens to him this season yells at him that it’s impossible#and confirms this ridiculous notion#his uncle sydney the fridge moment. they’re all just fuckin yelling at him that it doesn’t work#BUT. RICHIE NAT AND CLAIRE HERSELF. ALL CONFIRM THAT THEY COULD EXIST TOGETHER#he just can’t find it. and he won’t find it till he makes peace with himself and his childhood#and figures out WHY he got into this business (he still is trying to prove something. he’s still trying to prove he’s worth it)#edit: INCH RESTINNG YOU ALL TOOK THIS TO SHIPPING AND SYDCARMY. NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABT THAT GUYS#NEEEEEVER SAID ANYTHING ABT TJAT.
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something’s wrong?
#heheh what a name for a town. borger. brother that is a samdwich!!#I could prob talk about what this means to me but I don’t wanna#actually nvm I just thought of a funny way to describe the feeling:#you have two wolves inside of you. one HATES everything it sees soooo much. the other only sees beauty. you’re jaded.#or something like that#I’m trying to be conscious about only bending man-made structures and objects#unless it just looks extra cool to bend the natural stuff too#not rly a critical commentary. the basic premise is to show you how fucked up these little towns are;#while also communicating how they’re typically found in naturally beautiful places.#weird right? like finding ruins. it’s like these places settled and then worldly-priorities changed and everything fell apart#but you can tell - usually - that somewhere in the history of these small towns someone said:#‘what a fucking sweet view. let’s make camp’#my art#glitch art#aesthetic#art#artwork#webcore#glitchcore#internetcore#abstract#artists on tumblr#photography#abstract art#distortioncore#glitch#weird art#americana#southern gothic#angels
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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for reasons (i love frustrating myself) i was watching caroline winkler’s video on how to discover your interior design tastes and she basically specifically made a pinterest board with a lot of different stuff so you could see things of variation and not just based off what you clicked on last in the algorithm, so she had you go through and save anything you just loved, ask what you love about it, if there’s anything you dislike about it, and slowly whittle down from there till everything is both something you love and cohesive.
so i did that. and i thiiink what i wound up with is cohesive but idk what i’d call it.
#my thing is i can’t stand anything too stuffy#i hate mess and clutter but it can’t be too clean or fancy or it feels too bougie for me#i wouldn’t be comfortable#i love old stuff#i like trying to go from just ‘utilitarian thing’ to ‘vintage utilitarian thing that is also beautiful and i love it’#i wish i had more color going on but i don’t have much opportunity right now#i love vintage stuff i love stuff that speaks to me#i love stuff cheap but still clean and functional and beautiful#i wish my bedroom could be more of a place that was relaxing and intentional but right now nah#anyway. house dreaming. i hate & love it.
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Just watched Nimona
The fact this movie never got a theater release because of Blue Sky's closure and Disney deciding to nix it once acquired will forever break my heart holy shit.
Like up front it is BEAUTIFULLY animated, the writing is tight as hell, the story is genuinely moving and amazing. By that alone it deserved to be in theaters.
*deep breath*
But BOY HOWDY am I SALTY AS FUCK that a animated movie that is accessible to kids, especially queer kids, got knocked out of the process to reach theaters when
IT JUST CASUALLY HAS A INTERRACIAL GAY COUPLE WITH A (metaphorically) ADOPTED (literally) TRANS CHILD AS THE 3 MAIN CHARACTERS IN THE MOVIE THE FUCKING HELL WE COULD'VE HAD ALL THIS PERFECTLY DONE QUEER MEDIA ON THE BIG SCREEN AS A COHERENT AMAZING STORY FUC-
#Nimona#Nimona film#God I feel Nimona so hard I actually had to fast forward some scenes because I am not in a GREAT headspace right now so it was kinda#triggering at the moment because hahaha yeah people see me as a monster. Whooooooooo.#like god I hope so many kids watch this#young teens trying to figure stuff out#And like I have fond memories of the OG Nimona- I was There for the webcomic#but the ending of the original comic ngl kinda scarred me a bit#and I'm so glad it shifted#LIKE SPOILERS FOR WHAT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN THE MOVIE BUT WHAT I REMEMBER FROM THE END OF THE COMIC#but in the comic spoilers Nimona does live but still wanders and it's left open whether she and Ballister ever meet again#I could be misremembering but yeah#like as a NB person it made me feel like I may never find a home- a place to belong#so I think the fact that Nimona and Ballister met at the end#where it shows the city is open to embracing Nimona#it kinda puts a salve on that wound#LIKE DON'T GET ME WRONG I recognize the power of the OG ending#Stevenson was exploring his own feelings and figuring themselves out and they were younger so it made sense#but sometimes even beautiful worthy media can leave a negative mark#depending on the person#because we all have different experiences and what is healing to one can be poison to the other#so YMMV on which ending you like better
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disney channel romance peaked when lucas grabbed maya’s face during that campfire scene.
#*and this is icarly!#girl meets world#gmw#lucas friar#maya hart#lucaya#otp: of course i like you#nothing and i mean NOTHINIG!!!!!! THEY EVER DO COULD EVER TOP THIS MOMENT RIGHT HERE#GOD I WANT TO BE SHOCKED INTO SILENCE LIKE THIS SO. BAD!!!!!#to just be held in place like that.... by a beautiful man caressing my face in his hands...#lucas was too smooth for this fr 😩😩
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September 9th - Happy Birthday Isabella - ft: her tvtropes
#the promised neverland#tpn manga#tpn anime#tpn isabella#mother isabella#my edits#idc if the anime frame is outta place amongst all the manga panels SHE'S GORGEOUS THERE & I LOVE HER TO DEATH (literally). one of the#only things s2 did right. like i know sacrificing herself to protect emma was the big redemption moment but i personally forgave this woman#all the way back in ch37. but yeah the no adults in neverland idea. i get it but whatever. ANYWAYS i figured the sepia tone for the photos#would only work decent with emma's colors & i was right. so had to switch it up with this & all the rest going forward. still think it#looks fine. i mean..how could it not look fine with how beautiful she is 24/7? like hello?? aaahhh this woman has such a big place in my#heart. & still surprises me how much ive grown to care for her. i could ramble on forever about how amazing she is.. in this essay i will-
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playing connect the dots with birds in the sky
#personal#birds#sky#i’ve been reminiscing on old days socials. days when you could just post things and everyone was cool with it#not in a right-wing ‘they’re censoring us grumble grumble cancel culture’ but more of a ‘these are places designed to jot your thoughts’#i was never someone that posted bc i was a minor with paranoid parents#idk. the things i saw at least emphasized finding beauty and meaning in the mundane. and i’ve lost touch with that.#i want to reconnect with that so i’m taking pictures of the world again and writing poetry again and gazing out of windows again#so fuck it. birds in the sky.#the first one is mine and i see a teapot the second one is my partner’s and they see a man pointing
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#I got to have a very sweet goodbye with one of my students on Friday#it was with this incredibly sweet incredibly shy incredibly serious kid whom I have LOVED teaching because of how much he was taking in#and he’s so hard to approach because he just doesn’t speak#and he is not a hugger at all. but somehow all the stars aligned and it was right place right time and I was able to give him a hug#and say congratulations and he just said very succinctly ‘your speech was amazing.’ (I could hear the period)#and he was even in the right space for the hug and was happy I didn’t just skip him. (I find them all and hug them lol) it was special.#I’ve always had so much love for him in my heart and mostly it stays unexpressed (as it should do)#but it was the right time to let some of it show and to feel some of his love for me#not to be weird about it! but it was the right time and the right moment for a second. makes me so happy#lol I prayed I could have a not weird/not painful goodbye with him and Our Lady let me have one 😭#He was one of my first 8th graders and he wrote this beautiful essay on Romeo and Juliet I always remember.#and then he was one of the first boys I ever taught who loved pride and prejudice. He didn’t say he did but he did.#anyway he’s also one of those boys who has enormous influence on other boys especially kids younger than him. For all his being so quiet#boys sense the strength of character. And I know he’s sort of helped a lot of the younger boys I currently teach be more open to literature#simply because HE is and with his peers I suspect he talks a lot more#anyway! Reflecting on much.#teaching tag
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#this is like the 14th time ive fixed up this piece and reposted it#shinatama oni#deadly brain shinatama#if you know this game PLEASE talk to me#i feel insane ive met 3 people total irl and online that know this game#not counting ppl on onigalore#this is truly one of the games of all time#im pretty sure this game is abandonware at this point#please play it PLEASE PLAY IT#if i can convince 10 people to play this game ill run for president next#what is this? robo body horror?#robo body horror#nobody understands. im literally the person i am because of this game#it shaped my LIFE#this is the first video game i saw ever#its my dads favorite game so ofc its my favorite game too#there was a cd rom in the library and you bet your ass i had it always checked out#shame on everyone who played games and didnt place a hold on this masterpiece#i cried when they got rid of the rom. dawg at least they shouldve told me so i could take it#in highschool i had to make a presentation on a timeless classic and i presented this game#i got a B because i was convincing but shes never heard of this game in her life#its not my fault youre uncultured dawg. and that bungie dumped this in the trash. hmph#yknow one time the famous artist ilya kuvshinov drew konoko?#i need to become a good artist so i can show people the beauty of this game#i need more people to know and play it#i absolutely need it#i have this game on my laptop#i always keep it with me#oni is from bungie west made by take two and rockstar. right? i got that right right?#bungie oni
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everyday i restrain myself
#julia.txt#okay im not going to do a full fledged post abt this but i have got 2 het this out#nowhere in the Bible does it say that there shpuld be One Guy who teaches. or a select few appoimted guys. whatever#a pastor is in his essence no different from a priest#every single believer (who is called to teaching) has the potential of saying something edifying#every single believer has the potential to pray a good prayer#to suggest a good song#all with the caveat of being led by the Holy Spirit. ofc#a Fully Biblical church is one where every brother has the opportunity to speak to pray to suggest a hymn if the Spirit leads him to do so#like. will it be perfect. no we are human we are failiable there is not a single believer on earth that listens to fhe Spirit 100% of the#time#but the solution is not to put in place man-made order#the solution is to keep working on ourselves as an assembly#like#we will always fall short of the perfectness of God#does that mean we stop trying?#no!! we try HARDER. we give ourselves fully to Him we entrust ourselves in His hands and work on it!!!!#shakes you. there is freedom in the Holy Spirit.#have you been in a meeting where nothing is pre planned not who prays not the songs sung not the sermon#and Yet. everything lines up together#the songs suggested all follow the same theme#the prayers all follow the same theme#and then a brother gets up and says the Spirit put on my heart to say this AND IT FOLLOWS THE SAME THEME#do you Understand. its beautiful#man made order could NEVER compare to this#disclaimer a church having a pastor doesnt mean that its not biblically sound there are WONDERFUL godly pastors out there it is simply#What Is Normal right now#but. gestures wildly#you see#if anyone sees this and wants elaboration i would be happy 2 :0
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this episode was good, great even. then it turned sour really fast.
#i don’t feel like writing an actual post so i’m gonna keep it in the tags#what is it with station 19 and excusing men's terrible behavior with addiction and then as if they’ve never done anything wrong#they just have them do some nice things without taking accountability for their actions or apologizing for the people they hurt#do i really need to make a compilation of all the moments beckett bullied maya with the great addition of him calling carina italy???#he apologized for none of this and the writers are like sure let's take what should've been a beautiful and intimate scene between two wive#and instead have the man who treated them like crap in place of one of them#not only could carina have been there almost anyone would have been better than beckett#andy and vic were right there…#the moment he entered the bathroom i was pissed and i can’t find this scene endearing in the slightest#station 19#maya bishop#carina deluca#maya x carina
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers… can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s👀😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming people—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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maybe i am gods favourite little bitch after all..
#work went well despite the craziness#saw upstairs neighbours fr a second and got wished happy holidays#another gooooood date w the guy. he seems to be wooing me fr im like ☺️💖#an hr and a half of sleep and i am Wakened by upstairs neighbour who is locked out of his place tryna get back in#i manage to help him out w the tools i got plus hear hes moving in february. dunno if mb theyre all going or??#rip i know theyre good people but id love to get some sleep#oh and also once he got the door open i got to pet their doggy. yayyy#hes still cleaning up up there so phone time fr me rn but after imma sleep again. yey#ALSO at the date i dropped my phone at the entrance of the place and it DIDNT get stolen once i realised i lost it it was still right THERE#also tmi i started my period halfway thru the day rip but didnt bleed thru my beautiful work clothes and was fine on the date so. yayy!#let me choose to think i had a Good Day bc i asked yall to pray fr me in the morning like damn......they REALLY did pull through..#ALSO how could i forget. solidarity in the womens bathroom when the lock was fucked but a stranger offered to Stand Guard fr me. yeah#anyway might make new year plans w the guy if he'd like to idk. heeheeheeeee#edit half an hour after posting this btw he is still rummaging away up there!! my god!! at least i dont have work later today mye godde..#just hanging wmy dad and his wife in the afternoon we were gonna do a christmas market but changed plans to board games and a movie#which considering 1. the period situation and 2. this being my one day off before having to do retail again on mon/tue. thank god! thank YOU
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